#I HAVE ENGLISH EXAM TOMORROW AND CHEM THE DAY AFTER

[studywithcha]

who the fuck gives a 1 day notice for CHEMISTRY EXAM

[scatteredraysofhope]

3/100 of my 100 days of productivity challenge ♧~

Okayyyy I just finished my exam and it went surprisingly well!! AHHH I'm so happy! I didn't complete everything but I completed everything on my to do list and was able to answer those questions that I coved to the best of my ability.

This is probably the fist time in a l o n g time I've felt so motivated after a chem exam.

Anyway I have English tomorrow :D

Read Ch-Sunny morning

Study Letter writing format

Read Ch-When you are old

[paperbakc]

LAST DAY

From crying over marks to crying over friends, the school life is coming to an end.

Today was phenomenal. Topped the class in bio, got disappointed in English, felt like throwing chairs over a stupid boy and successfully (?) convinced my friend (who was sad over said boy's trashy treatment of her) to drop the guy like hot metal. Btw, burnt my tongue tge previous night and couldnt taste anything! (Still cant :( probably wont be able to st the farewell tomorrow, we booked BBQ nation!! *sigh* ig everything cant go right)

Clicked sooooooo many photos in so many phones I don't even know the contacts. meghna was close to tears (yeah i know unbelievable, but she was overwhelmed so). I didn't eat anything for the whole day, partly due to running after teachers for marks during the last break of my school life and partly due to excitement, also a major part due to the burnt tongue (my tastebuds have put up white flags). Also, had our class (and bio) teacher praise us for our performance in the bio exam bcz yes our section did amazing !!! Then Rohan sir brought cake !!!!!!!!! And clicked selfie with the entire class !! I spent all the time (not spent on writing on shirts or checking marks) filling bio lab file's index and then didn't actually get to make sir sign said file. *sigh * Arijit sir looked approvingly at my chem file. All the subject teachers who checked my papers said I did well when I went to them to clear doubts, Manali ma'am, Samiran sir, Supriyo sir.. (yay!) Versha, meghna, me and komlanshi decided to make a groupchat bcz our friendsjip highkey deserves it. On versha's request, i directly went up to keshav and asked him if he liked versha. Dude went red and said "not rn" to the question "do you like her as more than friends????" Dude is stoopid and had half of our friends going "ahhw" and the other half going "🙄seriously?" when informed of his response.

Also, to put a cherry on top, I KISSED SOMEONE FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!¡ (AFTER 1.5 YEARS OHMYGOD) it was aditi. Which is the best possible scenario bcz no chance of feelings or shit development. She was disappointed with kissing her boyfriend and asked me to properly kiss her since I had experience. Also, the discussion regarding their first kiss took a turn leading to Ruchika and Aditi kissing (pecking) each other on the lips when adt said a peck can be done between friends as well. Neelanjana came in once in the bathroom we were doing said kissing in, saw me and aditi close to each other's faces (we weren't even kissing at the moment lmfao) and promptly ran away!!!!!😭

We went outside after dispersal and everyone was wearing their handwriting littered shirts and clicking, posing and smiling for pictures. It was sunshine brilliant.

I have not yet processed the end and honestly don't want to. I don't want to be and won't be sad. Today was extremely fun. I discovered loving friends and great teachers during these two years despite being in the school for barely 1 and half years, and i definitely hope to keep in touch with them in future. This is the ending of a journey and the starting of another one. For better or for worse, farewell to my school life ♡♡♡♡♡

.22/12/23

"And you'll be left in the dust Unless I stuck by ya You're the sunflower I think your love would be too much"

[delicris]

i'm very sorry to hear that, hope you get better soon and that english conversation and driving class are not to bad on you, and that you get to have a good rest after!!!

omg a poem!!!!! that's lovely!!!!! that person sounds so sweet!!!!

i'm alright!!! half way through morning classes, just hoping the afternoon isn't too bad!!!!

tho it's raining. again. it. won't. stop.

english conversation was the weirdest fucking class ever, i had it last year already, but with a different teacher, and this one basically said fuck you to any certificate we might have, we still have to take all the exams and prepare for our school leaving exam, even though we literally won't have to take most of it, if we have at least an fce certificate... I'M TAKING THE GOD DAMN CAE EXAM AND YOU'RE TELLING ME I DON'T GET TO HAVE A TINY LITTLE BREAK?? anyways... driving lesson was actually quite fun and i was much better than yesterday, so that's a plus hehe

yes, a poem, i'm actually still kicking my feet and giggling about it hehehe, that person is the loveliest person on planet earth, but they don't think so :( but i do :) i love them very much hehe

i hope the rest of your classes went alright, i have to study for my chem test for tomorrow, so the day still isn't ending for me, plus i have to figure out train tickets for the weekend because i'm leaving my town for the entire saturday to go to a trip with my friends, so that's been stressing me out a bit, but i'm so excited at the same time!!

THERE'S A HUGE THUNDERSTORM HERE, IT JUST STRATED AND I LOVE THUMDERSTORMS AND THIS ONE IS SO LOVELY AND SO MAJESTIC AND SO POWERFUL!!!!!

[caffeinatedsunbear]

I'm going to fail the math exam

it's in the title.

I feel like throwing up because fuck math. actually, it's not math's problem, it's mine. I want to just give up. I haven't been doing the review homework consistently and now I'm nearly 4 days behind. I'm actually so so fucked for my exam on monday/tuesday and I feel like crying and screaming because at this point I'm actually going to fucking fail ib. if not because of math then it'll be because of chem or econ or bio. especially bio. god.

I haven't started reviewing for anything other than math and that's going to come bite me in the ass hard. I want to just throw math but I can't even do that because I might genuinely fail the fucking subject if I do

I haven't started reviewing stats/probability, calc is going to utter shit right now, and I want to just. not try. I know I can't though because I don't want to fail ib just because of this stupid feeling after putting in 2 years of my life for this shit.

it'll be pretty pathetic if I end up not getting the diploma because I fail bio or something. or if I got below a 3 in anything (honestly very likely for math and chem and bio right now)

I seem to think that the only way I can be valid in failing in shit is to make myself feel utterly miserable and hate myself to the point of wanting to sh or end my life when that is the stupidest shit ever. I'm just trying to make excuses for my shitty work ethic with self-imposed reasons. I have awful impulse control and a monkey brain that's just prioritizing temporary pleasure over long-term well-being but god fucking damnit it is hard to keep studying.

consistently getting every. single. fucking question. wrong. even the easy ones!!! is some of the most demoralizing shit ever. it's just so much easier to label myself as being stupid or dumb instead of trying. trying is so tiring. it takes so much energy. I'm aware I sound like a privileged little fuck (because that is honestly what I am being right now) but god.

I won't be surprised if I'm not even able to answer half the questions for either math paper.

anyways rant mostly over. I should get back to calc now. I think I'm just going to finish the chapter 21 MP and then OSC math vids for stats/prob -> try to finish as much topic 4 RV done as possible

I'm going to just go straight into past papers tomorrow. going to finish all the ones I have printed out tomorrow. it's ok if I sleep late because it's a 1pm exam anyways so I just need to wake up before 11

I am praying to whoever is available to please have mercy on us an give a reasonable math paper that I can at the very fucking least get a 2 on. preferably 3. but I will take a 2 over a 1 any day.

I just. want to pass ib. is that too much to ask? get good enough scores to meet uni conditions and just. pass the fucking ib. just enough to get 12 overall HLs, nothing lower than a 3, 24 overall. I don't think it's too unreasonable to want that right? I'm not asking for too much am I? I just want to pass but that still feels impossible.

english paper 1 was awful. I shouldn't be thinking about it but I really really really hope the grade boundaries are ok this year because I think I will actually throw up if I fail.

I just want to go to uni. I just want to pass. please. please let me at least pass and be able to go to university.

ok enough rambling and complaining it's time to get back to doing integral calculus

[berryunho]

omg i know how u feel i don't think i'll be graduating in 4 bc i have to do co-op terms so it delays my grad by a year or smth?? we'll see how things go

wow that's so cool!! the dedication is immaculate i would always give up after a month or so. do you know any other languages aside from eng and korean?

ooo i'm kinda the opposite like nothing really interests me outside of courses in my major or other science courses. i've gotta do some arts credits and scrolling thru them is like... okay this sounds interesting then i read the syllabus and its like readings and essays and discussion groups then im like NOPE LOL BYE

that's so funny cause i saw someone sleeping in a corner of the stairs. ppl will sleep anywhere and i don't blame them. could you imagine falling asleep near the river ugh bless

omg yes like with chem i always end up working backwards from the answer (wink wonk) to see what i did wrong and usually it's a lot 😭

it wasn't too bad! it was kinda cold but not windy so i was okay. i still brought a jacket with me cause it was windy af during the day and i thought it'd be the same at night but nope there goes my money for coat check 😭

ohh!! that sounds fun, did you manage to find anything? red hair is so nice. everyone i've seen so far with red hair pulls it off so well and i'm lowkey convinced it's a colour that works on everyone....

thank you!! i did have lots of fun : D i might've died on the bus ride back... but we don't talk abt it..........

-mightychondria

yeahhh i have to get a masters degree for the profession im aiming for so... if everything goes to plan that's six years of university and i do NOT want it to be more 😭😭 hopefully your graduation doesn't get delayed too much ??

:LKFJDKFSJD:LFKJ oh boy languages and me... lowkey obsessed w learning them SO one set of my grandparents were german and didnt speak english so i know very basic german (my dad didnt think it was important to teach me. crying screaming throwing up.) and i got to be pretty okay at finnish at one point but i've forgotten ALL of it lol and i took 2 years of latin in highschool which was very fun but again i forgot most of it KLFJSFDLJK AND FINALLY i took a couple years of american sign language in middle school but i literally remember the alphabet and basic kindness' :'] ive also attempted swedish, norwegian, spanish, and french with ... immediate failure ! hehe

i get what you mean 😭for me its not that i dislike my stem courses but i actually love reading and writing essays and stuff and i just wish i could do more of that 😭 but the majority of my stem friends definitely would agree w you LOL

ugh for real it would be so nice to sleep outside in the sun i feel like ... living out that cat/dog life ... but id be too scared of being kidnapped LKJJFSKFJKS

that is definitely the way to do chem 😭 just gotta learn from your mistakes until there are none ! i had an exam last friday and ... i should be getting that grade tonight or tomorrow so im very anxiously waiting to see how i did ...

nooooo not the coat check money... i cannot even imagine how much clubs make in the winter just from coat check like 😭 some nights at one of my local clubs its literally more expensive to check your coat than to get in 😭

sadly i still havent figured out who/what to be... i think im gonna wait to dye my hair though so that it lasts longer ... so i really dk LOL im lazy tbh so i normally go for something i can just wear my normal clothes for... and since i just finished breaking bad im thinking maybe jane ??? i dress like her irl (though less 2008) and id just need a wig LKJFS:LDJKF BUT IDK !!! do you have any costumes in mind? or any plans?

hehe im glad you had fun but ... 👀 ... how ominous ... hehe i hope your week starts off nicely !! :]

[dmitri-writes]

Study Stress~Analoceitmus Request

INFO -requested by a wattpad user -logan calling his boyfriend's star-related things is cute -maybe im projecting my stress onto them

TRIGGER WARNINGS -

***

Exams are never a good thing. Ethan and Remus could handle exam season because they generally didn't care what score they get as long as they pass but for their boyfriends Logan and Virgil, exam season is hell. The two would lock themselves in a random empty classroom every lunch and weekend to study the same repetitive, unimportant information. It was up the Ethan and Remus to keep the two alive. They learned the hard way that having Remus crawl through the window to unlock the door was not a good idea, so the next time they could get Logan's attention, they made a knock that let him know that it was them so he could unlock the door. This exam season is the worst since it's senior year. Virgil had brought sleeping bags into the room and the two have stayed in there all day.

Ethan stands outside of the room with some food he stole from the cooking club and sighs, no one has answered his first knock. Remus tries this time and knocks louder than Ethan. There is shuffling on the other side of the door and Virgil opens it, bags under his eyes deep purple and uncovered by the usual eyeshadow. Remus and Ethan walk into the room and shut the door behind themselves. Ethan sets the food on a table that isn't covered in textbooks, notebooks, pencils, markers, and highlighters, "You two need to eat and sleep." Logan caps a marker after writing an equation on the whiteboard, "I'm afraid we're still reviewing math." Remus takes the marker from his nerd boyfriend and makes him sit at the empty table, "Eat or you won't get the marker back." Logan sighs and picks up a bite of food, Ethan making Virgil join. "How many subjects have you covered?" "We've gone over chem and bio and now we're doing math. Then we'll go over English."

After Logan and Virgil have eaten enough food to satisfy Ethan, Remus lays out the sleeping bags, also making a quick run for more blankets and pillows from Virgil's nearby house, "Sleep is important, right Nerdy Wolverine?" Logan laughs quietly, "Do you even remember the explanation?" Remus shakes his head as he drags Virgil into the makeshift bed, Ethan pulling in Logan. Ethan and Logan are in the middle with Virgil at Ethan's side and Remus at Logan's. Remus tries putting on a playlist of songs to help them sleep but Ethan takes his phone before he could play any inappropriate songs. He pulls up Virgil's playlist and makes sure the phone is charging, "Tomorrow is Saturday, so we can help you study all day, but for now, it's sleep time." Logan and Virgil would argue, but their eyes are already drooping. After a few minutes of the soft music playing, everyone falls asleep.

Logan is the first to wake up in the morning. His back is a bit sore but the many blankets and pillows definitely lessened the pain. The other three are all still sleeping so he quietly leaves to get coffee for everyone. Remy thankfully gives him a 'discount' (he paid for the drinks) and he brings them back to his sleeping stars. Remus is awake when he gets back and eating some weird combination of junk food from the vending machines. "Good morning stardust," Logan greets, handing over Remus drink and kissing the top of his head. "Morning!" Logan starts solving the equation he left on the board last night, and after a few minutes, Virgil wakes up. "Good morning Starbright, there is peppermint tea on the table," Virgil mumbles something and kisses the top of Logan's head before sipping on the warm tea. By the time Ethan wakes up, Logan has solved the equation. "Good morning starlight. There is coffee for you on the table." Ethan kisses Logan's arm, not having enough energy to stretch, and shuffles over to the others, kissing their cheeks and grabbing his coffee.

Logan finishes his caffeinated peppermint tea and Virgil finishes copying the equation in his notes. Logan answers a few of Virgil's clarification questions as Ethan and Remus watch in awe. "Now we move on to English." Ethan and Remus are each handed a hefty stack of flashcards and are told to quiz the other two. Sitting at tables across the room, they get through both stacks in a short amount of time. "Logan got every one right," Ethan reported. "Virgil didn't miss any either." Logan congratulates Virgil on his improvement and then they clear a table of the science textbooks and replace them with English ones. Ethan goes to cook something in the cooking club room and Remus stays around to make sure the two stressors don't die. Ethan returns with a few sandwiches and Remus snaps the two out of their trance to eat.

Logan and Virgil study for two more hours before Remus groans, "This is boring! You're not gonna remember anything like this!" Logan sits up and stretches, massaging his hand, "I think I agree. What do you suggest we do?" Remus grins and stands up, "Let's leave for a bit, get a change of scenery and some exercise, and then... you're doing English, right? Let's debate!" Logan laughs and Virgil smiles, "That sounds nice, actually. Let me put on my makeup." Ethan hands Virgil his eyeshadow and a small hand mirror so he can apply it. The group leaves the school, careful to avoid the randomly placed cameras. They walk to Starbucks to get more drinks, paying themselves this time, and get a few snacks too. They walk and talk for about an hour before returning back to the classroom, feeling refreshed. Remus picks a topic from their English books and Logan and Virgil debate, using evidence they remembered. Ethan mediates it and corrects false evidence.

Logan and Virgil's stress is gone and by the time the test comes on Monday, they know they'll be ready.

[jaehyun-eclipsed]

Before I Met You | Eight

Updates: Sundays, ~8 PM EST

Pairing: NCT (Jaehyun, Lucas, Mark…) X Reader/OC

Genre: Romance, Angst, Coming of Age

Summary: Four. There were four people before I fell in love with you… Here are their stories.

Author’s Note: I’m sorry for the delay! I got distracted watching videos of Lucas 🙈 That man is disrespectful to my feelings.  

Before I Met You Masterlist

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The furious scritch-scratching of a pencil can be heard even amongst all of the chatter in the dorm’s fifth floor study room. I glance over at Mark as he scribbles down incomprehensible equations in his lab notebook, furrowing his brow in frustration as he struggles to make sense of whatever solution he has just derived.

“You doing okay there?” I ask.

He huffs and pushes his notebook over to me. “Does this look right?”

I squint my eyes in confusion. “What did you do?”

Mark throws his hands up in defeat. “I don’t know! I was just trying to find the density.”

I scan the semblance of chemistry equations, acknowledging the attempt at the proper steps that ultimately fall short. “Well, first you need to find the number of molecules…”

He nods, slowly understanding the task at hand. “Ah, okay, okay! And then you divide that by the Avocado number to get the number of moles, right?”

The corner of my mouth raises to form a half-smile, amused at his use of the term he uses to memorize the name of Avogadro’s number. Mark was quirky like that. “Yes, then multiply that by the molecular weight to convert it to grams.”

“YO! Then I can plug that into the density equation!”

He pulls back his notebook and starts crossing out his previous work before quickly writing in the correct equations.

Mark and I met in our intro chemistry class. He was one of the five boys in our class and one of the only two cute ones. But what really sold it was that he was much nicer than the other guy; more open, less reserved, and he had an infectious smile. He was the definition of sincere happiness.

As is with every class, we started out by introducing ourselves:

“Hi, I’m Y/N and I’m a freshman. Um, I’m a biology major.”

“Hi, my name’s Mark. I’m a freshman and I’m an English major and I’m taking chemistry because I’m also sorta interested in biology.”

He was the only person in the class that I was moderately interested in speaking to; he seemed to get along with everyone. Admittedly, part of my motivation was because I thought he was cute. 

I had only decided to speak to him after I caught him staring at me at the beginning of class once. We were listening to our TA give instructions for the day. Mark was standing next to her and I happened to glance at him, realizing that he was already looking at me – and that’s when he smiled that captivating smile of his. Later that day, I went up to him to confirm the melting temperature of the final product (even though I had already confirmed with several groups around me).

A few weeks later, we both happened to be at the fume hood, evaporating our solvents out of a flask in order to derive our final precipitate. As we were the only two in that part of room, an awkward silence happened to pass between us – one of ‘I know you, but have absolutely no idea what to say.’ Luckily for me, he was the first one to speak this time.

“How was your spring break?” he asked, keeping his focus on his flask.

“It was fine. I went home and studied for most of it since we have that midterm coming up in a week.”

“And where’s home for you?”

“Medford,” I said. “Oregon. It’s a small town, really pretty. How about you?”

“I’m from Vancouver.” He turned to smile at me. “Canada.”

Another pause passes between us.

“Hey, have you looked over the post-lab questions for this experiment?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Do you know how to do them?”

“Yeah, I think so. The equations we need are in the lecture notes.”

He hummed in response before turning to look at me. “Do you think I could get your number in case I need help? I get really confused in lecture sometimes.”

The excitement on my face was clearly evident as I said, “Sure!”

And that is how this all started. Every week since then, Mark and I would meet up to do the post-lab questions together.

That first homework session Mark and I had together was a turning point for me. Transitioning to college had been a challenge. Leaving home, living on my own, and adjusting to the rigor of the classes left me feeling defeated a lot of the time. Back in high school, I had to put in a lot of homework hours, but none of the material was necessarily difficult. It was just time consuming because we were given so much. But the content in college was tough. I had gotten a C on my first midterm and due to being a 4.0 student in high school, a C was unfathomable. It didn’t lend me anymore comfort knowing that more than fifty percent of my grade was based on exam performance and yet, I could spend hours and hours studying without a guarantee of a positive return. It was discouraging.

If I wasn’t in class, I was spending my time by myself in my dorm. I had two roommates, but I didn’t particularly care for either of them. One would wake up early to go to the gym and come back in the morning and slam everything she possibly could on her desk as if nobody else lived there. The other girl – well, her laptop’s wallpaper was a selfie… I think that tells you plenty.

Overall though, it was lonely. I didn’t care for the people I had befriended at the beginning of the year for various reasons so I called my dad every day and counted the days until I could go home.

I’ll never forget the way I felt when I returned home for winter break. Doyoung, Hana, and I had gone over to Taeyeon’s house one night after having dinner and milkshakes. We were there until three in the morning doing acroyoga and dancing in her living room. We were just being kids – carefree and happy. The overwhelming joy I felt that night was something I hadn’t felt in months and I remember having a moment of self-awareness as I watched Doyoung balance Hana on his knees.

I’m not happy.

Starting college in a different state was supposed to be a new beginning. One that’s supposed to be “the best four years of my life.” One where I’d meet a diverse group of people from all over the world. One where I’d get to experience my first college party, fall in love, discover my passion, learn new things... And while I was learning a lot in class, met many people, and did go to my first college party, I was slowly hoping that it would all end soon even though everything had just begun. I was alone and didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to. That made me realize something else: Being alone never bothered me until it was no longer a choice.

Shortly after those moments of realization, the nightmares started. I had trouble sleeping and when I did finally manage to fall asleep, I’d abruptly wake up hours later, hyperventilating in a cold sweat.

What am I doing? How am I going to get through this?

Who was that confident person I was back in high school?

Where did she go?

Maybe she was just... acting.

Great, I’ve been acting my whole life.

“Y/N.” He sighs loudly and turns to look at me, pulling me from my reverie. “Why are you so amazing?”

I smile back at him. It’s comments like these that make my heart stall and my chest feel warm. Though, I wish I believed him. I know he’s just talking about me helping him with chemistry, but sometimes I hope that it’s a little more than that. We’re in the same year and we get along really well. Plus, he’s really cute. Perhaps we could start dating.

Mark has made me feel comfortable here. I look forward to seeing him every week. His carefree and go with the flow nature is addicting. If he’s ever stressed, he’s very good at hiding it. It’s the complete opposite of my personality. Mark is someone I want to be around all the time.

I love his little quirks. Like when he gets frustrated and furrows his brow. He shakes his head in frustration and clicks his tongue. Or when he laughs – it’s a loud, boisterous laugh followed by a punch in the shoulder to whoever is closest to him. He has this youthfulness to him that will never die. He searches for the happiness in everything and encourages everyone around him. He’s the friend everyone wishes they had.

“You know,” he begins, “I can’t believe that we lived in the same unit this whole time.”

Mark lived in the neighboring dorm building, leaving little opportunity to meet unless we happened to dine near each other in the cafeteria or attended the dorm-wide events in the multi-purpose room.

It would’ve been nice to have a friend earlier on.

“Oh, I saw you a few weeks into the semester,” I say.

He looks at me, clearly surprised. “Yo, what? You did?!” he exclaims. “Why didn’t you say ‘hi’?!”

Mark is in disbelief when I shrug. We hadn’t spoken yet when I saw him that time. I was surprised and quite excited that the cute guy from chem class lived in the same unit as I did. But I was way too shy to say anything. I didn’t want him knowing that I remembered his name and had been paying attention to him ever since the first day of class. He probably didn’t remember my name anyway. But knowing we did live near each other did give me some encouragement to make an attempt to talk to him.

“I – I don’t know. I didn’t really know who you were,” I say. “I mean, I knew you were in my chem class, but –”

“Where did you see me?”

“You were getting the mail.”

“You should’ve said ‘hi’! I would’ve recognized you!”

I open my mouth to say something, but end up making weird gestures with my hands as I don’t know how to respond honestly to Mark’s comment.

He sighs and looks at me with a playfully stern expression. “Well next time, you gotta say ‘hi’! I like saying ‘hi’ to my friends!”

I nod. “Okay, yes, sir,” I quip. “I’ll remember that next time.”

He grins widely and puts his pencil down. “Hey, are you busy tomorrow?”

“I have class at eleven, but that’s it,” I say. “Why?”

“Do you wanna go play badminton with me?!”

I squint my eyes in confusion. This is not the request I was expecting. “Uh…”

“The weather’s supposed to be really nice and I just got the new net I ordered online! I wanna try it out!”  

“Uh, okay,” I say slowly. “Sure. I didn’t realize you liked to play badminton.”

“Oh yeah! It’s my favorite! I used to play with my brother all the time back in Vancouver. Have you played?”

“I used to play in high school. Actually, my team in P.E. won our badminton tournament!”

“Oh! You must be pretty good then!”

“Probably not. It’s been a while.”

“Well, it’s gonna be fun! I’ll meet you on the lawn in front of the library? Like, three?”

“Sure!”

The next day is bright and sunny and after attending psychology discussion, I returned home for a quick sandwich followed by an hour of reading before changing clothes. I opted for a coral cold-shoulder top, blue denim shorts, knock-off boat shoes, and pulled my wavy, brown locks into a ponytail. At two-thirty, I set out for campus.

When I arrive on the lawn, Mark has already set up the net. He picks up a racket, spins it around in his hand, and then tosses a birdie with his free hand up into the air. A loud whack is heard moments before the projectile lands right in front of my feet. I look up and am met with Mark’s bright smile and an excited wave.

“Hey!” Mark runs over to me, enveloping me in a hug. “Isn’t it beautiful today?!” He pulls back to look at me. “You look very summery today!”

“Oh, yeah, I figured since it’s nice out today and there’s no wind…” I shrug.

“Yeah! It’s perfect for us to play!” He picks up the birdie from the ground. “Come on!”

I follow him over to where he had set up the net, picking up the other racket near one of the poles. He’s smiling at me when I look at him again. “Don’t make fun of me if I lose!”

He laughs. “Don’t worry! I won’t! You’ll just have to help me out with chemistry.”

“I already do that!”

It’s momentary and I nearly miss it, but there’s a very brief hesitation before his lips curve up into a bashful smile. His eyes are soft and I detect the slightest bit of admiration in them. There’s a crooked smile on my face when I narrow my eyes at him in curiosity. He remains silent.

After a few moments, I turn my gaze away from him, trying to bite back an embarrassed smile as I superficially glance over at some students playing ultimate Frisbee.

“Are you ready to play?!” Mark asks suddenly.

“Yeah!”

I walk to the opposing side of the net and ready myself for Mark’s serve.

“Zero, zero!”

Swiftly, I swing the racket with a bit of force, easily returning Mark’s serve. He misses.

“Lucky shot,” he remarks, shaking his head.

I pick up another one of the birdies. “One, zero!”

We’re able to rally for a bit when I decide to carry out my signature move from high school. I barely tap the birdie, giving it just enough force to barely make it over the net.

“Oh – what the?!” Mark shouts as he attempts to dive just as the birdie hits the ground.

“Two, zero,” I say with a wide grin.

I’m looking at him as he’s sitting on the ground on my side of the net, one arm propped up on his knee. He chuckles and looks up at me, squinting into the sunlight.

“And you thought you were going to be bad at this!”

I shrug innocently. “I don’t know… or are you just letting me win? Hm?”

“No! Of course not!”

“Oh, so you’re just not very good at this,” I tease. “That’s okay. I understand.” I break out into laughter when he looks at me with a playful frown. 

“Hey!” He’s laughing now. “You know that I’m facing the sun, right?! I’m at a disadvantage.”

I wave my hand in dismissal. “Excuses.”

I extend my hand out to help him stand up. Unfortunately, the weight distribution between us is very imbalanced and results in Mark pulling me down; I fall on top of him with a loud squeal.

“I’m so sorry!” I say in between laughs, trying push myself up off of him with my hands on either side of his body.

He places a hand on the small of my back. “Are you okay?”

I lift my head to look at him, feeling my heart jump briefly as I realize how close we are together. My laughter ceases.

“Uh, yeah,” I say, quickly pushing myself off of him and standing up on my own, brushing myself off.

I watch him as he ducks under the net and repositions himself, smiling widely at me again.

There’s a warmth and giddiness that fills my chest and I recognize it immediately. It’s the same happiness I felt with Doyoung, Hana, and Taeyeon. I smile to myself.

I think things are going to be okay.

I’m suddenly caught off guard when I hear Mark’s racket strike the birdie. My eyes widen as it flies over to my right.

“Oh!” I yelp as I lunge to the side a moment too late.

“Sorry, I was thinking about something,” I say as I turn around to pick up the birdie.

“Oh… about what?”

I smile back at him. “Nothing really. Just that I’m having a lot of fun.”

He cracks a grin as I’m about to serve. “One, two,” he quips.

I frown. “Does that even count?”

“One, two,” he says again with a mischievous smile.

That night, while catching up on some psychology reading, my phone vibrates, Mark’s name flashing on the message notification.

Mark [8:07 PM] Yo! Hey! Today was really fun! Thanks for coming!

Me [8:10 PM] Thank you for inviting me! I haven’t had that much fun in a while

Mark [8:15] Oh and thanks so much for helping me out all the time in chem! You’re a life saver! 😊

Mark [8:17 PM] If you’re up to it, I’d love to take you out for lunch as a thank you! 😊

Mark has been responsible for many of my smiles over the past few weeks. And here he is, doing it again. I chuckle to myself as I feel the giddiness of having a crush return.

Me [8:20 PM] Yeah! That would be great! Thank you!

I don’t think this is a date, but at the very least, I know that Mark likes spending time with me. He’s also definitely a lot nicer than Lucas. So who knows? We have the next three years to find out.

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Before I Met You Masterlist Masterlist  

[lemongrassjello]

26/50 - 50 days of productivity - 14.5.19

Its my sister’s birthday so i can eat anything i want to today and im going to have my first pizza in over a month im so fucking excited yayyyyy

Its 5am when im typing this

i woke up a bit later than usual because i slept later than usual

I discovered that i need 6.5 hours of sleep to not wake up with a spinning head

In the morning I will,

one exp, physics journal

yeah thats it i have school

After school I will,

make notes on p-block - chem - test on sunday

study some math  (i didnt do it but i have more important things to do, like submissions and stuff

Physics journal

complete math notebook - Submission on thursday

English notebook - submission on thursday

English test - thursday

personal statement - draft 1 - by tomorrow

study math - test on sunday

 i cant make math notes because i know i learn math only through questions and stuff so theres not point in making notes, unless it’s a formula page or something

My coconut oil sea salt scrub made my skin so smooth im so happy everything is wonderful and I’m going to get into the nutrition course of my choice and I’m going to excel at all of my exams, especially bio and chem, and even physics and math. 

update: well, fuck, i have toooo much to do by thursday so I’ll divide this tod do list and add more to a huge todo list I’ll have to complete by tomorrow

Also, its my sister’s birthday and i just ate pizza, and im happy, and grateful, but the pizza was soooo good

[absolutedespairjay]

Today was a good day. I sat next to an angel in English class (usually I sit alone bc my cheapo laptop takes up a lot of space) and it went well, even though I was on the edge of a panic attack for most of the lesson due to noise and then stress. (The teacher said “you must write x words or you can’t leave” and my heart rate went way up until she told me I didn’t have to. I managed to do it after that, so I’m grateful that that girl helped me get started while I couldn’t focus. I helped her too, so I don’t feel like I was freeloading). I worked with two friends and two people I don’t know well in chem. They’re nice, although one is childish and the other tends to do everything alone and let my lazy friend off the hook. On top of that, one of the 3 people I share all my classes with asked me about the exam and I was able to answer. Now I know the two people who got A’s I can keep an eye on them. 

I’m exhausted, but I have a lot of work to do tomorrow.. I want to visit my friend on Sunday, and I probably won’t be able to work after that. 15... Fuck. I’m growing older too fast. 

[burningalight]

my binders/locker in grade school were stuffed with so much shit i couldnt find anything...always crumpled up papers, trash etc

chewed pencils/pens, broke them taking them apart in class, lost them, often didn’t have one, frequently borrowing them and forgetting to give them back to the point that certain people wouldn’t give me pencils

could comprehend reading i liked very well, but when we’d have reading groups with boring books id always be lost,  or when the teachers would have one on ones and have u read something short and ask questions after to assess ur reading level, they’d often have to tell me to read it again bc they knew how much i remembered didnt add up to my intelligence and reading speed 

moms college friend gave me an unoffical iq test and i did much worse than i know i shouldve on the reading portion bc she’d play a story and then ask me after to list every detail i could remember and i couldn’t remember anything. but when she played 10 numbers and asked me to say them out loud backwards i scored extremely high ?

couldnt do projects, would be in tears, last minute every time, parents mad bc i need a poster board RIGHT NOW ITS DUE TOMORROW . hated assigned reading, horrible at essays even when they helped us plan them. 

i remember my 7th grade social studies teacher assigning a paper, i wrote extremely detailed and well in the first paragraph or 2, and the following ones got shorter and shorter and were completely bullshit bc i got bored. she told me ‘really strong first paragraph.’ and gave me a B  

talk too got damn fast. customers constantly telling me to slow down bc they cant understand me

my mom always says she had to challenge me as a kid bc i would get bored and get in trouble. i was acting out bc i was understimulated, i happened to like learning (esp numbers and puzzles) bc smart so that’s what i could fixate on and felt stimulated by

lunch detention frequently in 8th grade in my first highschool class, algebra, bc i wouldnt do my homework, at one point he just stopped giving lunch detention for that bc i wouldnt do it. i hated that class bc the math was boring and i never paid attention but would somehow pull off a’s and b’s on tests so i ended up with a B. my first B, and i had brought that up from a D (told my mom it was almost a C, he gave a really hard test and we all did bad etc, when she had to sign a paper about my low grade) at the end of the year, during the exam i was so confused the whole time, it was my first highschool exam and i didn’t know ANYTHING. i ended up with a 92 from guessing, and a curve, and every one of my friends got at least a 93 or better and i felt so stupid bc i was supposed to be the best at math

i would take every highschool class in honors but not one english class bc it required more essays and summer reading and i knew i wouldnt do the reading and would cry over the essays

the only other class i didnt take honors was chemistry bc i knew the honors teacher had a lot of projects and i would be stressing over them. i ended up with an A in the standard chem class even tho i never finished any work in class and didnt do homework, but i was still the smartest in the class and did the best overall

lunch detention for forgetting to get papers signed like report cards. they weren’t even bad grades i just couldnt remember. one time i got actual detention for forging my moms signature bc i got lunch detention for several days straight bc i kept forgetting to get the paper signed 

often had permission slips waiting to be signed the day before the field trip, or told my mom it was picture day the day before or morning of. one time i totally forgot it was picture day and didnt dress up

acting out and not thinking ab the consequences, many referrals.. many more times that my teachers let me get away with acting out when someone else doing the same thing would’ve been punished. one time anna and i left in the middle of class to go with emma to the library, only emma had permission, and my teacher had anna and i do wall sits instead of going to the office. in gym in middle school i would never dress out. i hated the clothes and hated gym bc i was awkward and if we didnt dress out we had to copy pages out of the health textbook the entire time and i would barely write 2 paragraphs bc i was so bored and my hand hurt and he never did anything ab it. i wouldnt dress out at least twice per week if not more. told my mom I had a C bc he had it out for me but i was the problem

in elementary school if we didn’t come to gym day wearing the right shoes we had to go into the back and pick out a pair of sneakers that fit out of a box of shoes, and also borrow socks if necessary. i had to do this frequently bc i never remembered to wear the right shoes

i would extremely often forget my library books and have to sit on the couch waiting for everyone to pick out their books for half an hour

when we were even younger we’d have story time and you had to sit in the middle of the floor inside a big circle of chairs where everyone else was if you forgot your library books. i lost one at one point for months and my parents didnt just pay for it so i had to sit in the middle every time. we found the book on a shelf somewhere in the house 

my chorus teacher never liked me bc i talked too much and i always felt like the worst singer, not bc of my singing but bc she wasn’t ever nice to me

in 7th grade science we learned latin root words and every day we’d play a game where we all stood up and one by one he’d ask for a root and we’d give it. if you got it wrong on the first round you’d have to write it on a piece of paper x amount of times and turn it in. if you were the last person left you were allowed to sit on your desk for the rest of the year, during these games while everyone else had to stand up. i wanted so badly to sit on my desk, esp bc i was fidgety and couldnt stand still, but i would never study them bc i’d forget or not want to if i did remember, even tho i really wanted to know them and sit on my desk. that teacher had a huge soft spot for me and one day i just started sitting on my desk during those. everyone knew i was smart, and it was all the smart kids who got to sit on their desks, so no one questioned it. im not sure if he knew i wasnt supposed to and just let me, or didnt realize i hadnt won bc i was smart. 

hyperlexia? mom said i could practically read before i was taught. i’ve always obsessively air written, ie writing words out w my finger in the air, on my leg etc. 

esp during lectures i doodle excessively to the point that my papers margins have always been covered with random scribbly overlapped words, or song lyrics. the words are usually something someone in the class said. ive started keeping an extra sheet of paper just for scribbling when im taking notes or listening in class. when we finished end of year tests in school i would write down full lyrics to songs on my scrap paper so i wouldnt be so bored. my hand cramps up so much but it was better than staring or trying to sleep with the lights on 

doing things and forgetting to turn them in

hyperfixating on books to cope w boredom and social anxiety, at one point read one per day, i was definitely one of the most frequent people in the library 

‘ The way I see it is if I can get information into my mind, I can do a lot with it but getting it in there in the first place is the really difficult part.’ - not mine

none of my teachers ever told my mom any of this i dont think, bc i was the smartest and i always got good grades, most had a soft spot for me BUT COULDNT SEE I HAD ADHD like damn. one time my fourth grade teacher whom i liked a lot was mad at us and indirectly calling people out, and referred to the fact that some of us never stopped talking , then made direct eye contact with me and i felt rly embarrassed bc i didnt realize i did that until she mentioned it

i often had to move seats if i was near friends bc i wouldnt stop instigating talking

at big lots when i had to run the register i was so painfully bored , fidgety, had to sneak my phone soo much bc i was so bored. when i was on the floor i would put away the go backs very quickly and then take upon myself a project like going through the entire wall of individual drinks and pulling out all the expired ones, it was like 5 carts full. my manager put me in charge of organizing the entire makeup section and all the gross clearance makeup bc she knew id do it the best and fastest 

when bosses have me do inventory i can count the products super fast and efficiently, but then when they have me put them into a spreadsheet i stare at it for hours getting nothing done bc distracted and its boring. ammar told me if i’d just get off my phone i could get it done bc he’d been asking for it for weeks, i wasnt trying to ignore it 

when im trying to do something at work that needs more concentration, i want to cry with frustration whenever i hear the door chime and have to get up and help customers and break my focus