#I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST THE CONTENTS. WHAT.
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synopsis ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ nanami accidentally finds your small, anxious-but-sincere vlogs and quietly falls for you through the screen. and when you meet, he becomes a gentle, faceless presence behind the camera—helping you grow, and loving you all the while.
tori’s notes ᝰ.ᐟ this was so fun to write

nanami doesn’t really use youtube. it’s too loud, too cluttered, too full of people trying too hard. he’s more of a quiet reader or podcast listener—he likes his content slow and thoughtful. but sometimes, during quiet lunch breaks or sleepless nights, he finds himself scrolling, searching for something simple to fill the silence.
the first time he sees your face, he skips the video. it’s nothing personal. the thumbnail just seems… ordinary. a soft smile, a blurry background of what looks like a street food stall, and a simple title: “trying something new today (๑•́‿•̀๑)”. he doesn’t think much of it.
but youtube, in all its persistence, keeps putting you in his recommendations.
every few days, your face reappears. new title. new blurry background. another small smile. there’s something oddly comforting about it, even if he hasn’t clicked yet. eventually, curiosity wins. one night, half-asleep and curled up on his couch, he taps on a thumbnail without thinking.
the video is quiet. not silent, but there’s no obnoxious background music or jump cuts. just you. talking a little nervously to the camera, explaining how you’ve never tried this kind of food before, how it makes you anxious to eat alone in public but you’re doing it anyway, for yourself. you pause a lot. laugh at yourself. your editing is minimal—sometimes you just leave long clips in where you sit there silently, debating the next bite.
and nanami… stays.
he doesn’t mean to. he thinks he’ll just let the video play in the background while he dozes off. but he finds himself watching. then clicking on another one. and another. you talk to the camera like it’s a friend. you say things like “i know no one’s really watching this, but…” and “this was scary for me, but i’m proud of myself anyway.”
there’s no performance. no show. just you, trying. trying to live a little braver. trying to make the world a little softer for yourself. and even though your videos have only a few thousand views at most, and a comment section with maybe ten or twenty kind words, nanami can tell you read every single one. you reply with gratitude and sincerity. you sign your replies with hearts and “thank you for watching!!” even when someone just says “nice vid :)”.
he doesn’t comment for a long time. he watches quietly, always late at night, a silent companion to your small adventures. his favorite video becomes one where you try to bike through a park trail you’ve never been on before. the camera shakes the entire time, the sky is gray, and you end up getting rained on halfway through. soaked and breathless, you laugh and say, “this was a disaster. but i don’t regret it.” and something about that sticks in his chest.
he comments on a video one day. it’s short, awkwardly formal:
“i admire your courage to keep stepping outside your comfort zone. thank you for sharing.”
a few hours later, you reply.
“thank you so much!!! i get really nervous about posting sometimes so this means a lot ;; i’m trying my best!! ♡”
nanami reads that reply more times than he’d like to admit.
—
he doesn’t think he’ll ever meet you. you feel like a little glowing orb in his private world. something precious that lives on his phone, just a click away, not real, not tangible.
but then, he’s at a weekend market. the kind of place you’d probably vlog, actually. he’s just there to buy fresh bread, enjoy the quiet, maybe grab a coffee. he’s walking past a stand selling handmade keychains when he hears a familiar voice.
soft. a little unsure. asking for the price of something.
he turns.
and you’re there.
you look just like your videos—maybe a little shorter, bundled in a cardigan despite the warmth, your bag too big for your frame, holding a small camera that’s not even recording. your hair’s a little messy. your eyes bright, darting around nervously. you’re alone.
and suddenly, nanami is nervous in a way he hasn’t been in years.
he debates not saying anything. he could let this pass. keep you as a digital secret. but then you glance in his direction, and smile—just polite, a brief flicker of recognition for another passerby—and nanami finds himself stepping forward before his brain catches up.
“…excuse me,” he says, and your eyes widen a little.
“yes?” you ask, voice soft.
“i’ve… watched your videos,” he says, and you freeze for a second. “they mean a lot to me.”
you blink. your mouth opens a little in surprise, then closes. and then you smile.
“really?” you say, a little breathless. “you… you actually watch them?”
“yes,” he says simply. “i think you’re brave.”
your hand flies up to your mouth, eyes darting away. “oh my god,” you mumble. “that’s—thank you. that’s so nice. i didn’t think anyone recognized me. my channel’s tiny.”
“doesn’t change the impact,” he says, and it’s honest. the way he always is.
you talk for a while after that. awkwardly at first—your nerves, his reserved nature—but slowly, something soft and lovely builds in the air between you. you laugh a lot, mostly just nervous. he listens a lot, mostly because that’s just the way he is. he tells you his name is kento. you tell him you were scared to even leave the house today, but you’re glad you did. he smiles.
before you part ways, you ask, very shyly, if he’d be okay with you filming just a little. not his face, of course—just his voice, his presence. he agrees.
that night, a new video goes up.
“a tiny adventure at the weekend market ✿ i made a new friend today…”
nanami watches it from his bed, and when his offscreen voice appears—gentle, amused, offering to carry your bag for you—his heart does something strange in his chest.
—
the first time nanami appears in a vlog, it’s his hand passing you a coffee.
you call him “a friend i made recently,” and giggle when he corrects your pronunciation of a pastry. he’s never shown — not fully. a shoulder here. the back of his head. your viewers are very curious. you just smile, almost bashful, and say, “he’s camera-shy, but he’s very sweet.”
you start mentioning him more in your vlogs. he’s still off-screen, but you’ll glance his way and smile. say something like “he helped me set this up,” or “he picked this place,” or just “he’s here with me.”
you don’t have to say his name. he stays a faceless figure in your videos. your viewers start to notice something more.
you never confirm anything. you just smile, cheeks pink, and say, “he’s really sweet. i’m lucky.”
nanami doesn’t need the spotlight. he’s happy to carry your bag, offer a steady hand when you’re nervous, and hold the camera when you want to capture something new. he’s happy to be the one encouraging you behind the scenes, whispering that you’re doing great when you doubt yourself.
you film together more and more. he goes with you to bookstores, little food stalls, quiet museums. he carries your tripod. holds your coat. gives you gentle encouragement when you freeze up in public and smile too hard when it’s over.
he falls in love with you quietly. over time. he doesn’t say it at first. he lets it bloom through little gestures — buying the tea you liked, learning how to edit videos just to help you with cuts, leaving voice notes when you’re too anxious to leave the house. he listens. he supports. he stays.
and he’s happiest when, in a quiet clip near the end of a video, you look off-camera and say, “i think i’m a little less scared of the world lately.”
he squeezes your hand off-screen. you smile at the touch.
and your viewers never hear the softest part—how, when the camera stops recording, you lean into his side and whisper, “thank you for finding me.”
nanami, who never believed in fate or chance or algorithms, just kisses your cheek and replies, “thank you for being found.”

#tori’s mind palace 🦦ྀི#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk#jjk nanami#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu nanami#nanami x you#nanami kento x y/n#nanami kento x you#nanami kento fluff#nanami fluff#nanami kento x reader#nanami kento#kento nanami#nanami#nanami x reader#jjk fluff
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Is It Casual Now?



summary: i have nothing to summarize other then .... spiraling
content: unrequited feelings, emotional neglect, jealousy, emotional intimacy withdrawal, romantic displacement, passive heartbreak, "i’m fine" when they’re clearly not, The Couch™ as emotional purgatory
word count: 4,3k
pairing: lando norris x fem!reader
a thought: thank you endlessly for all the love on the last part, your comments truly mean the world to me and i’m so so grateful 🫶
walls are way too thin - series - a´s masterlist
might be confusing if read as standalone
The afternoon sun slants across the apartment like it’s trying too hard to be gentle. You’re curled up on the couch, blanket still draped around your shoulders even though you aren’t cold anymore, just… thin. Like your skin’s been worn down by too many hours of pretending.
You don’t remember what’s playing on the TV. You’ve been staring at it hours without really seeing it.
Your stomach is mostly settled now. The sickness has faded, leaving just the ghost of it behind, hovering low and sour. But the ache in your chest—the one that started when her laugh had filtered through your bedroom wall—is louder now in the quiet.
You end up on the ocuch all day, curtains drawn just enough to keep the light soft. You lie on your stomach, scrolling. Meaningless stuff, nothing worth remembering.
And then you type her name into the search bar.
Charlotte.
You don’t even know her last name. But somehow you land on someone who might be her. Blonde. Tall. An unmistakable glint of Lando’s jacket in the background of one photo on her story.
Your stomach clenches, betrayal and shame tangled up like wet wires.
You wonder if he kissed her the same way he kissed you. If he tucked her hair behind her ear the way he used to. If he whispered stupid, soft things to her while his hand was on her waist, if she got the good parts of him too.
You tell yourself it’s fine.
You don’t want him. That was the whole deal. Casual. Friendly. Disposable.
Except maybe you do. And maybe it isn’t.
You let your phone slip from your fingers to the cushions, the weight of it suddenly too much again.
The door clicks open late that afternoon.
You don’t move. Just stare blankly at the paused Netflix screen, the lingering image of a scene you didn’t absorb.
Lando walks into view, dropping his keys in the dish by the door, holding a bag of groceries in one hand. He looks freshly showered again, cheeks flushed from the wind outside.
“Hey,” he says, voice light. “How you feeling?”
You turn your head, smile a little too tightly. “Better.”
“Color’s back in your face,” he offers, walking into the kitchen. “Figured I’d make you something. You kept anything down?”
You nod. Lie. “Some toast.”
He pokes his head out from behind the fridge door. “Okay, toast and… crisps it is.”
You huff out a dry laugh as he tosses you a bag.
He drops onto the couch beside you, a little too close, thigh brushing yours. Your body tenses before you can hide it.
Lando glances over at you, the crease between his brows twitching just slightly. “Still nauseous?”
You nod, forcing a small smile. “Yeah. That’s probably it.”
But it isn’t.
He seems like he knows that too, his eyes linger a second too long, like he’s trying to read between your words. But he doesn’t push. Doesn’t say anything. He just nods, barely, and turns his attention back to the muted TV screen.
You don’t curl up against him like you usually do. Don’t toss your legs over his lap or lean into his side the way your body aches to do now. You stay where you are, arms crossed, folded in on yourself like that could protect you from whatever it is you’re not saying out loud.
And Lando… Lando doesn’t push for that either.
That’s what makes it worse, somehow.
He’s being kind. Attentive. Gentle.
And it’s unbearable.
Because now, with all that sudden distance stretched between you, you remember how soft he talked to her in that hallway, how his eyes propably crinkled when she whispered something close to his ear. How his laugh rumbled warm and easy with her body pressed against his. Like it wasn’t just fun. Like she meant something.
He’s being careful with you now. But he was tender with her, too.
And that… that hurts in a way you weren’t ready for.
THREE DAYS LATER
You’re both in the kitchen.
Technically.
In practice, it feels like you’re on separate orbits—same space, different gravity. There’s nothing overtly wrong. No shouting, no slammed doors. Just a stillness that hums under everything. A quiet unfamiliarity in a room that used to be full of rhythm.
Lando’s leaned back against the counter, his phone in one hand, thumb dragging absently across the screen. He’s talking in that fast, half-distracted way he does when he’s running on autopilot. Something about the next race—weather forecasts, new car tweaks, a funny thing one of the engineers texted him.
His voice fills the space, light and easy, like it always does. You smile at the right moments. Nod when he pauses long enough to pretend he’s expecting a response.
You’re at the stove, watching the water in the kettle start to tremble. Your arms are crossed, knotted across your chest like they’re holding something in. The steam curls up in slow spirals. You focus on that. It’s easier than watching him.
This used to be your favorite version of him. Excited, moving from topic to topic without breath, like everything that mattered was right there in his head and he wanted to share it all with you. You used to love how chaotic he got before a trip, how he’d try to pack the morning of and forget half his chargers. You’d steal his hoodie just to slow him down. He’d roll his eyes, pretend to be mad, and then chase you around the living room until you were laughing too hard to breathe.
Now he’s wearing that same hoodie.
The one you used to sleep in.
You think about how you used to wake up in it. How it smelled like him even after the wash. You think, vaguely, that maybe you hate it now.
You pour hot water over a waiting tea bag. Let it steep. But you don’t drink it. Just hold the mug close, letting the heat pool in your palms, like maybe that’s enough to keep you grounded.
Lando’s still talking. You hear the sound of his voice, but not the words. They don’t quite land.
He doesn’t notice you’ve gone quiet.
Or maybe he does. Maybe he just doesn’t ask.
The thing is, you’re not angry. Not really. You just don’t have the energy to reach for something that feels like it’s already slipping away. Something that maybe was never yours to begin with.
He finally checks the time, stretches like he always does before leaving, and grabs his keys from the bowl by the door.
“I’m meeting Charlotte for lunch,” he says casually, like it’s just another item on the to-do list. Like it’s nothing.
You nod. “Have fun.”
He hesitates, just for a beat. Like maybe he senses it, the shift between you. But whatever he might’ve said gets swallowed down. He flashes a brief, familiar smile, and then he’s walking down the hall.
The door clicks shut behind him.
And the quiet rushes in like a wave, swallowing everything whole.
You’re on the couch together.
The room is dim, cast in soft flickers from the TV, some action comedy Lando picked. Something loud and ridiculous. He said it’d be a good distraction. You didn’t argue.
You sit curled into the far corner, legs tucked beneath you, blanket wrapped tight across your lap like it’s shielding you from something neither of you have named. Your side of the couch is colder than it used to be. That space in the middle, the one you used to fill without thinking, now stretches longer than it should.
Lando’s sprawled comfortably on the other end, socked feet propped on the coffee table, fingers resting loosely on a half-finished bottle of water. He laughs—short and easy—at a dumb joke on screen. You try to echo it with a breathy sound. It doesn’t land.
“You’re not even watching,” he says, without looking away from the movie.
You hum. “I am.”
He glances over, catches your profile in the low light. “What’s the main guy’s name then?”
You pause. “Guy McYells?”
Lando snorts. “Okay, maybe you are watching.”
You smile. It's weak, but it's real enough to fool the room.
Then his phone buzzes between you.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
He reaches for it without missing a beat, fingers moving fast. The screen lights up and out of the corner of your eye, you catch the name.
Charlotte.
No emojis. No nickname. Just her name. Clean. Definitive.
Still, the smile that breaks across Lando’s face is soft and wide and utterly effortless. It hits like a punch to the chest.
“What’s she saying?” you ask, the question slipping out before you can stop it.
He doesn’t look up, still typing. “Just something about her trip. She might come up next week.”
You nod slowly. “Cool.”
“Yeah.” He glances at you now, expression unreadable. “You two should hang out. Properly, I mean.”
You raise an eyebrow. “Right, because I’m dying to have girl talk.”
He laughs again, but it’s more of a breath. “Come on, it’s not like that, she´s not like that, I reckon you´d like her just as much as I do”
You turn back to the screen. “Sure.”
A beat.
“Okay, maybe a little less,” he admits, his voice quiet, almost sheepish.
You force a chuckle. “Wow. Big revelation.”
Lando nudges your leg with his foot. “You used to be less mean.”
You glance down at where he touched you, like it matters. “You used to be less predictable.”
He doesn’t answer right away. His fingers hover over the keyboard, then drop.
It hangs in the air—something between you that neither of you dares to name. The familiar rhythm of banter, still there, but thinner. Fragile. Like one wrong word might snap it in half.
He shifts again, settling deeper into the cushions, eyes back on his phone.
The silence between you swells.
“Hey,” Lando says suddenly, voice softer now. “We’re still good, right?”
You look at him. Really look.
His expression is open, brows tilted just enough to show he’s not as sure as he wants to sound. The question hits harder than it should. Not because it’s wrong, but because it’s not even close to the one you’ve been asking yourself.
You nod. “Yeah. We’re good.”
But something in your chest doesn’t believe it. And maybe he doesn’t either, because he just nods back, like that’s enough to close the subject.
And then he’s gone again, into his phone, into whatever Charlotte’s saying, into a world that no longer includes you in quite the same way.
You stare at the television. Still pretending.
THREE WEEKS LATER
You come home later than usual. Not on purpose, but you didn’t rush either.
The apartment’s quiet when you step inside. Not empty, just quiet in that specific way that tells you someone else is already here. Lights are low. A jacket slung over the arm of the couch. A faint scent of perfume you don’t recognize hangs in the air, something floral and expensive, the kind that comes from a department store tester bottle or a date that went well.
Then you see them.
Her shoes.
They sit just inside the door, neatly side by side like she plans to slip them back on any minute, but you know better.
You freeze for half a second, keys still in hand, breath caught mid-inhale. Your fingers tighten around the strap of your bag before you force yourself to move again, softer now. Calmer. Like if you go still enough, quiet enough, the ache won’t rise up and drown you again.
You don’t go to your room.
You don’t even look down the hallway.
Because you know.
You know her laughter by now, how it sounds too close to his. You know the creak of his bed when someone rolls too far to the edge. You know the muffled shape of a kiss through drywall, even when it’s gentle. Even when it’s real.
You’re not strong enough for that tonight.
You set your keys on the coffee table as quietly as you can, afraid even the sound of metal might crack the illusion you’re building for yourself.
Then you lie down on the couch.
Curled up small, spine pressing into the cushions, one arm wedged between your cheek and the fabric like that might hold your head still. The blanket’s out of reach, but you don’t grab it. Too far. Too much.
You stare at the ceiling.
You close your eyes.
And you pretend.
Pretend sleep comes easy. Pretend you’re just tired. Pretend your chest doesn’t feel like it’s been hollowed out and left to echo with every laugh, every whisper from the next room. Pretend you don’t feel displaced in your own home. Like you’re the ghost now. The quiet in someone else’s love story.
You tell yourself she’ll leave soon.
But her shoes stay by the door.
And you don’t move.
FOUR WEEKS LATER
You didn’t even want to come.
But staying home felt worse. Like admitting something final.
The bar is too loud, too dark, too full of people you used to feel tethered to. Friends you still technically have, but who feel more like polite acquaintances now. You sit at the edge of the booth, shoulders brushing the wall, knees knocking gently into someone else’s under the table, maybe Grace, maybe Will. You haven’t looked up in a while.
Charlotte is across from you. Right beside Lando, close enough that it matters. She’s laughing at something he said, head tilted just enough to show she’s listening. Really listening. Her smile is soft and bright and infuriatingly genuine.
You want to hate her.
God, you want to hate her so badly.
But she’s… nice.
Too nice.
She’s clever and warm and thoughtful in all the right ways. She compliments your necklace. Orders your favorite food before you even finish glancing at the menu when she stays over. Laughs at your jokes, actually laughs, not the strained kind people give when they’re pretending to like someone for someone else’s sake.
She’s the kind of woman you would’ve wanted your best friend to fall for. If it weren’t your best friend.
If it weren’t him.
Now, she’s just another reminder of how things used to be. How easily you’ve been replaced by someone who never even tried to replace you. Charlotte isn’t taking your place maliciously, she’s just stepping into it naturally, without needing to push. Like the door was always half-open.
And maybe it was. Maybe it was never even near to being closed.
Lando is halfway through another story. Something about last weekend, a dinner you weren’t invited to—of course. You already know who was there. He hasn’t said her name, but she’s in every sentence, tucked into the “we,” ghosting through his memories like she belongs there now.
“She thought it was chicken,” he says, his grin lopsided and familiar. “But it was actually—”
You miss the punchline. You sip your drink, too sweet, too sticky, too something. Vodka cranberry. A drink from a different version of you. One who didn’t feel like a bystander in her own story.
You laugh when everyone else does. Not too late, not too soon. You’ve mastered the timing. Enough to pass.
Someone turns to you and says your name.
You blink. “Hm?”
He repeats the question. Travel plans. Work. Something light.
You nod. Offer a thin smile. “Busy, but good.”
That’s your answer for everything lately.
Busy. But good.
You let the conversation move on without you, words passing over your head like wind through a cracked window. You nod when it seems right, smile faintly when someone laughs, all muscle memory. But your eyes keep drifting. Back to him. Back to Lando.
He’s laughing, head thrown back, eyes crinkling in that way that used to make your chest feel full. That laugh used to be yours, a sound you could pull from him like it belonged to you.
Now, he doesn’t look at you once. Not even by accident.
And that, more than anything, is what hurts.
You remember when he used to. All the time. Across rooms. Mid-conversation. Little glances like secrets. The corner of his mouth twitching when you rolled your eyes. That smirk when someone said something dumb and he knew you were thinking it too. The soft look when he caught you looking at him and didn’t look away.
It used to feel like the two of you spoke a language only you knew. A shared, unspoken thread pulled taut between glances.
Now? Now you couldn’t feel further from him if there were an ocean between you.
You press your thumb into the side of your glass, watching the condensation pool around it, gather into droplets that slide down like they’re trying to escape.
There’s a lump rising in your throat, slow and sharp, pressing against your windpipe like it wants out. You swallow hard. Once. Twice. It doesn’t move.
You’re here. In the same room. At the same table. Breathing the same air.
And you’ve never felt more alone. Not even when you were cities apart. Not even when he left you unread. Not even onve in the many years you knew him.
You wonder if he even notices. That you're slipping. That you already have.
And somehow, he still feels miles away.
You smile again when someone cracks another joke. You don’t remember the setup. You don’t care about the punchline.
You're getting really good at pretending.
You excuse yourself with a smile that doesn’t quite stick.
Something about needing another drink. Even though your glass is still half full. Even though no one really noticed you slipping away, not even Lando. Especially not Lando.
You weave through the crowd, past a cluster of people singing along to something too loud, past two girls laughing at the edge of the bar, already flushed with wine. The room is warmer here. Closer. Easier to breathe in, even if only for a moment.
You lean against the bar, shoulder grazing the cold brass rail, and exhale like you’ve been holding your breath all night.
"Long night?"
The voice is low. Familiar. Smooth in that signature way that always seems half on the edge of teasing.
You glance to your right and find Charles.
His hair is messy, button-down half undone, sleeves rolled, drink in hand. He looks... at ease. In a way most people don’t at these kinds of things. In a way you definitely aren’t.
You offer a tired smile. “Something like that.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Something involving Lando?”
Your expression doesn’t change, but your grip on your glass does. He notices. Of course he does.
“You looked uncomfortable back there,” he says gently. Not pushing, just observing. “Not like you.”
You shrug. “Maybe I’m evolving.”
Charles huffs out a quiet laugh. “Or maybe you're just stuck sitting across from a guy who doesn’t know what he wants.”
That makes you pause.
You glance sideways.
He’s smirking now, the corner of his mouth tugged upward with a quiet kind of mischief. But it’s the look in his eyes that stills you. Calm. Observant. Too knowing for comfort. Like he’s already unraveled everything you’ve tried so carefully to keep wrapped up.
You blink once, sharply, trying to push back the sudden burn behind your eyes.
Charles doesn’t say anything at first. Just watches you for a breath, then sips his drink.
“I mean,” he starts, voice casual but not careless, “I didn’t want to assume... but it kind of seems like whatever this is”, he gestures loosely back toward the crowded booth, where laughter rises again, louder now, “has been going on for a while.”
You look at him. Don’t answer. Just meet his gaze, even though it feels like something in your chest is pulling tight.
Charles leans back slightly, resting his elbow on the bar. “And I haven’t seen you at races,” he adds, quieter now. “Not really. Not the way you used to be there.”
Still, you don’t say anything. But you don’t look away either.
He watches you a moment longer, then shrugs lightly and takes another sip. And then, because he’s Charles, he smirks even more, a different kind this time, nudging your shoulder with his.
“I kinda missed your moans from his driver room,” he says, tone full of teasing, mouth curving around it like he knows exactly how to pull you back from the edge of whatever you were about to feel.
It works.
You huff out a laugh. “You’re such an ass.”
He shrugs, still grinning. “Maybe. But I’m right.”
It shouldn’t be comforting. But somehow, it is. That someone knows. That someone sees you, what you were, what you are now, and doesn’t make it more dramatic than it already feels in your chest. He just lets it sit there, in the space between drinks and half-smiles.
You exhale, leaning a little heavier against the bar.
“Can we not talk about him right now?”
Charles tilts his head. “Sure. No Lando talk.”
There’s a pause. The good kind. The easy kind.
Then, like a peace offering, he flags the bartender with two fingers. “Let me get you something better than that sugar-water,” he says, nodding at your half-drunk cranberry vodka. “You always drink that when you’re pretending you’re fine.”
You glance at him, surprised. “God, do I have any secrets left?”
He gives you a look, amused and soft all at once. “Not from me.”
And when the new drink arrives, you take it in your hands and let the sharpness of citrus chase away the ache. Even if just for a moment.
For the first time in what feels like weeks, it’s real. Loose and stupid and full of that fizzy kind of joy that only hits after too many drinks and just enough distraction. The music’s thumping, spilling out over the crowd, all bass and beat and sweat-slicked bodies. And you—pressed up against Charles on the dancefloor—are floating somewhere between tipsy and gone, but it feels good. Easy.
His hands rest light on your hips. You’re not even sure who started the dancing. One second you were at the bar still trading lazy banter, the next—this. Heat. Movement. His smile low and crooked as he leaned in to say something you didn’t quite hear but smiled at anyway.
And that’s when you see him.
Lando. Back at the booth. Standing slightly apart now, Charlotte beside him. His hand wrapped loosely in hers. His eyes, though, locked on you.
You freeze for half a second. Just enough to feel the pulse of something cold run beneath your skin.
He’s staring. Face unreadable, but his jaw tight. Eyebrows drawn the way they get when he’s confused. Or pissed. Or both.
Charles just leans in again, mouth near your ear, breath warm as he says, “Keep dancing.”
And you do.
You move again, slower now, but still with that reckless, weightless ease. You let yourself laugh again. Let Charles spin you slightly, his fingers brushing yours. Lando’s still there. Still watching. But he doesn’t say a word. Doesn’t move. Doesn’t stop you.
So you dance.
And when the music gets too loud, and your head starts to spin in that pleasant, end-of-the-night kind of way, the crowd starts to thin.
The booth, you’re no longer part of it, starts breaking apart. Hugs, handshakes, half-shouted goodbyes.
Charlotte finds you just as you’re tipping your head back to finish what’s left in your glass.
“Hey,” she says, her voice warm. “We’re heading out. You coming?”
Her smile is kind. Sincere. Damn her. She’s funny and beautiful and smart and never once made you feel small. And that’s the worst part. Because you want to blame her. You want it to be her fault. But it’s not. It never was.
You open your mouth. Pause.
You are tired. Your feet ache. The room’s spinning just a little.
But you also know exactly what it would feel like to follow them out of this bar. To walk three steps behind as they hold hands to the car. To sit silently beside them on the ride home, pretending not to notice Lando’s arm thrown across the back of her seat, pretending not to feel like a third wheel in your own friendship.
You hesitate.
And then, like he heard the entire conversation in your head, Charles appears beside you.
“Oh, actually—I think we’re fine,” he says casually, slipping an arm lightly around your waist. Not possessive. Just sure.
You glance up at him.
Then, instinctively, you look at Lando.
He’s right there. Just a few feet away. Still holding Charlotte’s hand, but his brow furrowed, like he hasn’t quite figured out what this feeling in his chest is supposed to be called. Like maybe he doesn’t like it.
Your eyes meet. You wait for him to say something.
He doesn’t.
He just stands there.
Charles turns his head slightly toward you, voice quieter now. “You’re coming home with me, right?”
His eyes are steady. No pressure. Just an offer. A way out.
You glance once more between them—Charled, Charlotte, then Lando the night closing in like a held breath.
Then you nod still looking into his eyes.
“Uhm, yeah. I’m actually good,” you say lightly, tugging your phone out of your pocket, pretending to check something. “Don’t wait for me.”
Charlotte smiles, maybe a little surprised, but not unkind. “Okay. Get home safe, yeah?”
And Lando? He doesn’t say anything at all.
He just watches as you turn away.
As Charles takes your hand.
As the music swells and the night swallows you whole.
SURPRISE Charles revivial hehe
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go as a dream ft. ex-husband satoru gojo ✧
୨୧ - ten years together, five years married -- it's a long time. too long to be running on borrowed time glued together by the past. leaving is easy, but staying away turns out to be impossible. → afab!reader, modern/no curses!au, slow-burn, long-established relationship, mutual pining, heavy angst, toxic relationship dynamics, mention of pregnancy/failure to conceive, relationship insecurity, emotional sex, oral f!receiving, spanking/slapping, cum eating, mentions of readers relative hair length, mentions of readers family, nsfw → w.c. - 15.3k {1 hour reading time}
a/n: when an idea sticks for me, i head to my graveyard of wips to expand on it. most end up dying, but for some reason the love you guys held for this version of satoru made it stick. make him meaner... then more loving... then spin the narrative - pin it back on him -- all of those thoughts ran my psyche during the month (?) it took me to flush this idea out. happy 3k, my angels <3 i crafted this for you with so much love, sweat and tears. sit with this one for while. let it sink in. part two may come if you guys will it to. with so much of my love, - elly
listen to the soundtrack <3
Your heart is racing, gloss dripping sensually from your lips. Satoru is under you, his familiar face laced with overwhelming stoicism. He’s biting over soft, pink lips, his eyes wide open as he watches you ride him like you never have before.
You’re sad – on the verge of tears, but he doesn’t notice. He just parts his lips, content with the headiness of the pleasure you’re working yourself up to give him. Usually, he’d be telling you how beautiful you looked, how well you’re taking him, but he’s silent. It’s a deadly combination – you sad, Toru silent.
You just want to disappear.
“That’s it, babe. So close… keep going.” It’s like the one sentence of praise needs to be sucked from his very lifeform, because he’s chewing on his words, throwing them at you all mangled and sloppy. There’s no care anymore; gentleness is lost as he grabs your hips and slams them back down on his length.
You’re reeling, so close, yet so far from any kind of release your body’s begging for. You need Satoru to give you something – to touch and tell you he loves you so gently, but there’s nothing. Fucking nothing. Just grinding bodies lost in the tangle of bedsheets.
His eyes snap closed, head tilted back as he bares his neck for you. Two years prior, you would’ve gone in, marking every inch of that luminescent skin with love bites. Now, you watch your nimble fingers spread across the soft, veined expanse, fingers concentrating at his Adam’s apple. You squeeze, he breathes out a moan.
“Ahh – come on, comeoncomeon.”
“Cum for me… please.” You’re trying your best to come off genuine, to dip your tone into a needier drawl he doesn’t see much anymore, just for it all to be over sooner. Right now, you’re just fulfilling your bodily duties as Satoru Gojo’s wife. He did just buy you a Cartier bracelet, giving you apologies with wide, blue puppy eyes. As fucked up as it sounds, the least you can do is get him off before he goes to sleep.
“Mm, say my name, baby. Gonna fill you up, give you so many babies.”
You’re nodding, letting him spill his orgasm thoughts into your lap. You know him far too well, can read his breeding kink inside out. What Satoru doesn’t know is that you went on birth control the second you started drifting apart. There would be no loose ends; you’ve been planning your escape for months.
So you let him come inside of you, calling him baby and telling him lies about how turned on you are. Satoru knows you too well that he’d notice a fake orgasm, so you don’t even try. You just let him have his moment, kissing up your arm with ruffled, white hair, pumping shot after shot deep inside of you like he’s on a mission.
And when he’s drained and limp, you’re climbing off of him, not even offering a word as you head straight to the bathroom.
You and Satoru thought you had it all figured out pretty early. He graduated from university prematurely and got an immediate position doing what he loved – teaching psychophysics as a Professor's Aide. It’s where he met you, not his student, but definitely a co-worker he shouldn’t have approached, because you fell hard. Head over heels, mind over body – you made him your life.
That lifeline only had about five good years once you got married, and now you two are overworked strangers bumping shoulder to shoulder on a shared lease. Though you’ve mourned the relationship that shaped you into the woman you are now, you don’t have any regrets. There’s no hatred for Toru in your heart – quite the opposite. You love him to pieces, but can’t give him what he needs at the cost of you. It’s just not worth it anymore. You feel like an object manufactured to please.
So you chase your solace against the hot spray of the shower, letting it drown out your thoughts as water-mixed come seeps down your thighs.
Now that you’re alone, you can cry. So, you do – for the unborn children you promised you’d give him, for the life and love you manufactured with your bare hands. He didn’t know that you’d be packing your bags and escaping tomorrow. It’s hard for you even to swallow, though you’ve been planning this day for months. Sweet freedom… only hours away.
Why is it, though you’ve wished so hard and lived in daydreams, that you’re afraid? You don’t want to be alone in any form of the word, but you couldn’t stay here. It’d kill you long before you hit your grey years.
Your sweet, smiling Toru with that permanent sparkle in his eye would kill you.
“Suguru and Shoko want to grab dinner tonight after work.”
Toru’s voice is slow and controlled as he steps into the bathroom, naked as the day he was born. His silhouette moves intently in front of the glass shower door, stopping at your soaking wet shadow. He hears it, the sniffle amongst the spray – the way you’re hunched in on yourself, curled in the corner of the spacious area. “Are you crying?”
You scoff, shaking your head as you wipe water from your eyes. “Fucking ignore it.”
“Hey.” He steps forward, pulling the shower door open. Just like he thought, you’re posed like a wet puppy, legs crossed to keep your decency, and arms over your chest in the farthest corner. “Crying after sex is not your style.”
“Just… weird post-nut hormones.” You’re shrugging him off with a distant look in your eyes. More recently, everything turns into pointless bickering, so you feed him lies to keep him agreeable.
But, Satoru’s looking at you like he knows you’re a liar, light eyebrows all screwed up. “But, you didn’t even cum-
“Close the door, Satoru.” You’re grimacing, stepping forward to yank the door closed in his face. “What do you want? What about Suguru?”
“Suguru and Shoko invited us to dinner tonight…” He’s speaking slowly, like he’s trying to gain his bearings. It’s not really an argument, but Toru feels the rush of one in the steamy air. It wouldn’t be the first time this post-sex daze made you two hot-headed. “I was going to say, it’d be good to all be together again, but you’re acting weird�� They don’t need to be around that right now.”
You scoff, forehead falling into your open palm. The water burns you from within, but you stand under it like you want to be scalded. “Did you follow me in here just to fuck with me? Huh!? You see me trying to get away from yo-
Then, when the seal breaks and you’re yelling, that’s when Toru starts – deep voice banging off the tile walls. “You’re a livewire! You sat there and let me fuck you, now you’re acting like I’m the biggest inconvenience to ever cross your path!”
“Get out! For once in your life, just leave me alone!”
He really should listen to you – let you have the upper hand because he knows you’re sensitive, but Toru just shakes his head. “A man can’t even take a piss in the bathroom he pays for.” He adds, stepping away from your vengeful, blurred reflection. The toilet is just over from you – he can’t see the shower, you can’t see him.
For those few moments, you’re holding your breath. The shower drowns out the sound of him relieving himself, but you can guess well enough what he’s doing. When you’re married, intimate moments like this go unsaid – even on the brink of divorce. And when he’s done, he’s lumbering back over to the shower, long arms limp as they reach to pull it open again. You roll your eyes.
This time, your back is turned to him, water beading at your shoulder and trailing down the curves in your back sensually. His crystalline eyes catch it, and he parts his lips. “Mind if I join you?”
You don’t answer him, deciding it’s enough just to regard him briefly with a downcast look over the shoulder. You’re still covering your chest with crossed arms, mainly because you’re cold. Toru keeps opening and closing the door like a nuisance. Now, he’s climbing under the spray with you, big hands holding your familiar shoulders. He leans down to kiss your left.
“Maybe if we had a baby…” He mumbles that same tired argument into your wet skin, hoping for a different response. “It would bring you back to me.”
“I don’t want babies with you, Satoru.” The realization is heavy, but you know he can take it. All Toru wants besides you and money is a child – a mini little version of him that you adore to the ends of the Earth. When you became a Gojo, you promised you’d give him what he wanted – every breathless reminder in the heat of the moment was fuel. You two were trying… until you weren’t. Until you were shrugging off to appointments without telling him, taking prescription pills once he tucks in for bed. You just haven’t told him yet.
Now, he’s standing with it, breathing into your skin as he works up a response in his head that covers the devastation. “You know how my family is–
“I don’t care.” It’s a force of habit, you’re leaning back into his cradle. “Bringing a child into this mess is just inhumane.”
Then, Satoru says it – what he’s been wanting to tell you for weeks. Months, almost. He whispers, “Then why do you stay?”
All you can do is shake your head. You don’t have it in you to lie, and you surely wouldn’t tell him that you were leaving tonight. So, you reply, “I love you.”
“Love isn’t enough to keep a marriage going.”
You know that. You know Satoru loves you more than anything, but you didn’t feel like it was right for him to say it. In your mind, he’s clueless to the cool air you’re exerting every time he draws near. You’re not buzzing in his company anymore, going out of your way to be seen by his blinding eyes.
So, you don’t answer him. You nod, easing your shoulders from his grip as you collect the rest of your sanity and move to leave the shower. He watches you go, fine white hair nearly translucent on his pale scalp as he stands soaked.
Toru’s long eyelashes are sticking together, clumped and prominent as he watches you move and dry off through the fogged door. The lingering, soft scent of your signature bodywash sits sensually in the air, wafting from your skin every time you bend or bow. He studies that fuzzy reflection as if it's the last time he’ll see it, and thinks he feels sad. Devastatingly sad, it rises in his throat like bile he must swallow.
You’re slipping into a soft, ivory robe that Satoru’s mother gifted after the marriage; he has a matching one – it’s your favorite robe with his embroidered initials sewn across your heart. He notices your choice to wear it as you walk out of the bathroom, not even offering him a look over your shoulder, and thinks it’s a sign. You’re still sporting him around, telling him you love him even though you don’t want to bear his children.
But Satoru isn’t stupid. He’s far too smart to feed himself lies in hopes of lengthening this relationship that has always had a timer on it. But he is reeling. There’s nothing he falls short on, in his opinion. He treasures and calls you beautiful, any chance he gets. Vacations, expensive gifts, words of affirmation, and mindblowing touches are just scratching the surface of what he offers you.
Alone, he sits with these thoughts, thin eyebrows knitting together as his dripping head hangs between his shoulders. Standing statuesque in the shower, palms pressed to the damp wall, keeping him upright because you’re not here to do it. Mentally, you’re not here at all.
He can hear you in the bedroom stewing about – opening and closing doors, the shuffle of fabric, and the barely-there sound of your breathing. Toru has you all down to a science, now. He knows you’re slipping into bed, likely naked or covered loosely in some silk slip he loves to bury his head in.
That’s where he wants to be now – three years younger, your hair tangled in his long fingers, words of devotion damp in the air. Instead, he’s breathing in shower steam, a cruel metaphor to the heat the relationship used to hold.
Everything is a metaphor, now. Toru sees that when he’s walking out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, wide, adoring eyes glossed over with humidity and exhaustion. Still, they never lose their supernatural sparkle when they fall on you, eyes closed peacefully as you feign sleep.
He was right; you’re in silk, your eyelids twitching as the bathroom light spills a sliver of golden light across your face. Blankets are bunched loosely at your hips. Satoru can’t help but feel the beauty you emit, it’s why he married you – it’s something in your mere presence that makes you so addictive.
Crawling into bed with you, naked and damp-haired, is so familiar it’s almost sickening. He’s leaning over your shoulders, so gentle as he settles over you, and kisses your cheek. In your daze, you shift.
“What?”
Satoru slides up close to you, chest pressed to your back as he winds an arm around your waist. “Good night. I love you so much, beautiful.” He’s whispering in your ear, kissing over the shell with bitten lips. You can feel the cool wetness of his hair brush your bare neck, beads of water falling onto your skin.
He continues, arm sliding right between the canyon of your breasts, pulling you deeper into his body. You’re lifting your head, eyes shut, because you can’t bear the light right now.
“Shh, just lie with me.”
For some reason, you’re taking it. You’re listening to him, pressing your head back into the pillow, sighing softly. Nowadays, you’re impartial to bedtime cuddling, but Satoru insists. It’s become a nasty habit because now he has trouble nodding off if he’s not pressed skin-to-skin.
It’s the only reason you’re not pushing away. Or, maybe it’s the fact that you’re too far gone to be annoyed or unsettled. His touch feels good, just too warm, too close, like he’s slowly trying to ingest you into his bloodstream.
You two stay like that for hours. Satoru falls asleep right on the cusp of Midnight – his breath steadies over, and you’re still awake, gazing longingly at the bedside clock. Hands tucked under your pillow, you’re fiddling with them, doing anything to dull those uncertain thoughts away. In seven hours, you’d be standing in a train station, life passing you by as you leave the city, leave your husband.
You wonder how he’ll act, you wonder if he’ll cry for you.
No, Satoru never cries.
You bite your lip, gathering strength in your bones to shift and turn around in his arms. When you do, he’s mushing his face deeper into the bed, arms constricting back around you once you’re settled face-to-face. You can feel the softness of his breath over your skin, can hear the soft hums behind each of them like he’s dreaming uncomfortably.
Still, he looks so peaceful. Beautifully asleep, like his life wasn’t crumbling and burning all around him.
In that soft, settled face, you’re staring at the boy you fell in love with – bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, flushing and looking away when you’d counter his initial advances. Your friends were always around that early on, egging it all with a jump in their voice. Everyone felt so accomplished when you and Toru got married, as if they pieced together a match made in Heaven.
You just can’t fathom what went wrong… You don’t want to see it.
You don’t want to see him, anymore. So, you close your eyes and rid your consciousness of struggle – if only for a few hours.
Day comes with a vengeance – a gross, salty taste in your mouth as your brain slams awake. Your body is slow to react, cocooned comfortably in Toru’s thick chest. You’re too warm, alarms are blaring, and you realize you forgot to close the curtains last night. The morning sun is deviant.
You slip out of bed easily, undoing his arms' knot around your body. The silk of your slip is darkened with sweat, most likely Toru’s, but definitely mixed with hints of you. It takes you a while to come to from the cruel awakening, and you’re half alive as you shift to the edge of the bed, feet planted on cool ground. Toru shifts, and you hold your breath.
Your last hour together, and Satoru refuses to wake up.
You’re letting him drag the morning out, not bothering to wake him as you head for the bathroom. Time moves languidly with a solemn undertone, hovering over you like bad memories as you scrub your face and teeth raw. There’s so much tension in your body this morning, and you’re taking it out on yourself – swishing mouthwash, swallowing pills, securing jewels and ornaments.
You’re sure this is the fastest you’ve gotten ready without plans to work. You just think you’d rather be put-together when you disappear from Satoru’s life forever. You want him to have this reflection to remember you by – exposed shoulders, soft skin, dripping with his money in gold.
When he wakes up, stumbling into the bathroom sleepdrunk, he smiles when he sees you in the mirror's reflection. “Why didn’t you wake me, beautiful?”
“Figured you’d want more sleep.” You reply, not even meeting his frosty gaze. You’re fixated on securing a bracelet to your wrist – one, of course, from Satoru. It’s a gold-plated Gojo Clan crest that was passed down through matriarchs, eventually given to the prospective head.
His family is so traditional, overbearing in the worst ways. Since you two started dating, they’ve had a magnifying glass on the relationship, stating it’s just out of care. Sure, the money is endless and overflowing, but it’s not enough to overshadow the abusive balance of power. Toru doesn’t want to lead either – you don’t want to be next to him if he does. He promised you that he’d completely shut down the proceedings if you married him, but keeping his promise isn’t enough.
Nothing he seemed to do was enough. It’s all just a lost cause.
“Now I have twenty good minutes to leave the house.” Once your bracelet is secured, he’s crowding you against the sink, his shirtless body pressing hard into your back. You’re humming, leaning back into his frame.
“At least you showered last night.”
“You got me on that schedule.” He whispers into your neck, big hands squeezing your hips as he kisses you there. “I feel terrible about last night… Followed me in my sleep.”
You knew it, you could sense the stress in his breath even when he looked so peaceful. “We both said some things.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t make you finish.” Another kiss to the neck, Satoru nuzzles himself deep in your skin, white hair fluffy and strewn about. You look up at him in the reflection and shake your head.
“Just cause I was on top. I was trying too hard – It’s not your fault.”
He doesn’t take that well; he sighs into your skin. “You know I don’t believe that.”
Of course, he doesn’t. One of the most significant parts of your relationship is your uncanny sexual chemistry. There’s never been a time when you two stopped at one round – you both finished multiple times, every time.
“Then, you know I won’t tell you the truth, you should just stop trying.” Both hands are pressed to the countertop, and you’re still covered in your sleep dress. Toru’s hands start to wander. “No, get off of me.”
It stings, but you don’t have to tell him twice. Satoru steps back with an odd look in his eyes, moving to your side. Though you’re rejecting sexual advances, you let him pull your chin forward for a sensual kiss to the lips. It lasts for a few seconds, his hand wanders across your jawline, slotting perfectly in your hair.
“You’re not on campus today, right?”
You shake your head, lips rolling together as you evaluate his lingering taste. “No, you should really brush your teeth.”
“Yeah…” He starts, reaching over you for his blue and white brush. “Haven’t been on the grounds in a while, everyone’s asking about you, saying we should go to dinner to catch up.”
“You’re sure I’m acting normal enough to see them now? Isn’t that what you said last night? That I was acting ‘weird’?”
“You were acting weird last night. Moody.”
You scoff as he begins to brush his teeth. You two are stealing glances in the mirror, too distant to hold contact for too long. “Why do you say things like this if you’re not trying to make me mad?”
“I’m just making an observation.” He shrugs like he’s not being a tool, brushing his teeth slowly as he looks at you. You’re staring down at your hands, shaking your head silently. “I’m sure it's news to you, but I never try to make you mad. I just say what I feel, and you jump down my throat.”
“Just brush your teeth.” You bite out in resolve, standing up straight as you go to walk away.
You're breathless, clutching a fist to your chest as his words wash over you with time. They fall like dominoes, slow and calculated, as you dress for the day. Satoru thinks you’re working from home once he leaves, so you lean into it, picking something easy to wear, yet professional enough to be on camera. It’s the perfect outfit to run away in – something he sees all the time.
But even as you dote over your reflection in the bedroom mirror, adjusting necklines, pulling jewelry, smudging lipgloss, you’re thinking about it – him.
You don’t know why it’s so hard to sit with the fact that Satoru has always been like this. You two are polar opposites in social settings – he’s the life, you’re the longing. In crowded city bars, you’d be the girl tucked under his heavy arm, bearing the weight of his light. Satoru stopped drinking years ago, but when he did, he’d tower over you on the dancefloor, long arms slung over your shoulders as he shouts just how much he adores you – it’s a lot. Everyone’s around.
Reading your hunched demeanor, he doubles down. Yes, all these people are around… these undulating, nameless faces lost among the neon glare, but none of them held a flame to you. He chose you.
And when you’re alone with him, sober to the bone and drained after a work week, all of those sweet memories seem to fade away.
He’s always too loud, too close, overbearing, but never at arm's length. This monstrous, silent loathing is a hard feeling to live with. It eats you alive, until he touches you and takes it all away again.
It’s all you want, right now. Satoru’s touch.
“Staring introspectively into my bedroom mirror whilst my shitty husband calls for me repeatedly. That should be the prompt on your next scholarly paper.”
You turn around, brows furrowed as reality hits again. “What are you talking about? I didn’t hear you.”
“Let’s sync our breaks – meet up somewhere to eat.” Right as you open your mouth to blow him off, he’s rushing back. “It can just be ramen, nothing serious. Come on, just give me ten minutes.”
His begging for a sliver of emotional affection isn’t new, but it usually isn’t so blatant. Then, your eyes wander, wondering if those ten minutes would be worth your time.
No, you have a train to catch. A one-way ticket out of here.
“I’ll let you know how I’m feeling later.” You nod, smiling softly as you dodge that falling stare settled on you. “I-I’m just… I’m tired.”
“It’s okay.” He replies, whisper-soft. He’s trying to hide it, but the shine in his eyes falters for just a second, the only hint you get to his disappointment.
When you see him off that morning, your stomach hurts.
There’s an ink-black, bitter pit there as you watch him jog down the pavement in his endearing little Professor's Aide sweater vest uniform. There’s a bag slung over his shoulder, packed with a Bento you made for him in case you couldn’t see him for his break.
“Bye, love! I will text you!”
You’re silent, passing him a kiss you press to your fingers. Your stomach hurts, and now your heart aches – it burns, you’re on fire, soles of your feet scalding on coals fueled by guilt. That blue glimmer in his eyes is so oblivious to the obvious that it hurts.
If you could help it, this was the last time Satoru would ever see you, and he waved you goodbye with the sweetest smile on his face.
“I love you,” You call back weakly once he’s comfortably out of earshot. Then he turns the corner, and he’s gone – just a lingering presence in the air that only affects you. If you could cry right now, you would. But, you’ve cried enough this last week – more than you ever have with him. Everything was just so terribly bittersweet.
When you made your decision, it didn’t feel real. Somehow, it does now. You wonder how your friends will take it and if you’ll see them again. Sure, they’re your friends, but they’re Satoru’s too. You wonder if you’ll see his family, his mother took you in and doted on you when her son pushed her away. His father gave you advice and priceless memories. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Kin – all of them. You knew all of them.
Being a Gojo was so deeply rooted in your life that you’re not sure it’s possible to change your name. They’ve truly made you feel like one of theirs, as deafening as that sounds.
A minute in the doorway, and you’re turning around to finish out the rest of your morning. All of your bags were packed and stowed away with the laundry, where Toru never treks. It’s just one suitcase – half of your wardrobe. You’re sure you’ll be back to collect everything else.
In any case, you wouldn’t miss anything with his lingering scent on it, so you stare longingly at your art on the walls – the blankets on the couch and the crystal sitting on display in the cabinets.
And just before you’re about to leave, you stop at the counter and rip off a piece of a napkin on display. You brought out a pen from the study, hands shaking as you pull the cap.
Satoru, Keep whatever, or you can sell it. Just don't reach out, i’m leaving you I’m sorry and i really really do love you
A small, wet teardrop lands on the dingy napkin, and it’s the first sign of crying. You’re surprised you still have it in you after so many rivers you’ve wept. Writing his name carried a terrible feeling, scripting out the letters to tell him you were leaving was like bricks falling from your pen.
Shaking hands, you let it drop on the counter beside your note. If this is the last thing you give him, you want it to be candid. Just like your relationship – winging it all until the silence grew inescapable.
You call a cab, heading downstairs with your bags in hand. It’s a conscious decision to leave the door unlocked, but you have the keys stuffed in your pocket. You’re not really thinking about it or anything at all. You’re focused on not falling on your face as you jog down the steps, breathless without a cause. It feels like fire is burning hot in your tracks.
Your suitcase slides into the back, the city breeze rolls your hair back, and a chill envelopes your face. The entire time, you’re silent, bowing for your driver and showing manners, but silent and dreary nonetheless.
The ride is shaky, music drowns out the noise, and emptiness fills the void.
It’s all you can muster up the courage to feel right now, as the city passes you by. It’s an odd kind of comforting melancholy, like when you know the storms have faded and all that’s left is the rebuild.
You have your family waiting at home. A room with a view of nothing but countryside and rolling rivers. You’re giving yourself four weeks to get back to yourself, two to file the divorce properly, and one without any work before returning to just virtual meetings in your childhood bedroom.
Morning jogs, bike rides down the riverside, fresh delicacies to buy – yes, your life would be too rich to worry about Satoru. You feel like a caterpillar slowly slinking towards its cocoon with the joyful unease of what's to come. But you’re still so sad.
It’s hard to believe that anything can feel as good as the way Satoru made you feel, even when his tendencies made you want to pull your hair out. In the end, you made your decision. You slept on it, stewed over it, cried about it, and now you’re living through it.
Reality hits when you’re stepping out at the station. Bodies are everywhere, making it easy to pay your fee and slip into the chaos. You lose your sense of self walking against the foot traffic of the busy morning commuters, sucking back even more tears as you crawl the descending stairs.
Once you reach the bottom, you’re alone enough to breathe, luggage firm at your side as you dig for your phone. You’ve been meaning to do this forever — actually tell your closest friends about your decision. All they know is what you let them see. The second you and Toru start arguing in front of them, you’re walking away. It’s all smiles and love when they bring him up, even after that day you kicked him out of the apartment and made him get a hotel. Lying about your relationship is your forte, but you couldn’t lie anymore.
Shoko picks up two rings deep, bored but aware. ‘What’s up?’
“Hey, I know you’re at work… Just wanted to let you know that I’ll be out for about a month.”
There’s shuffling on the other line – the echo of familiar voices. You can guess she’s walking down the lecture hall during the transition; it was around that time. ‘You’re such a slack. And guess whose gonna be stuck doing all your work? Me.’
“I mean, I’ll be out, but I’ll still be working.” Intercom, robotic voices control the flow as a train departs before you, sending a noisy rush of air into your face.
‘Are you going on vacation or what?’
“Visiting family.” You reply, no emotion.
Shoko silences for a moment, humming under her breath. ‘Without Jo?’
“Yeah… I’m leaving him.”
More silence. You expected nothing less.
“Shoko?”
‘Dude, what? Why?’
“He didn’t… cheat or anything, we just haven’t been happy for most of our marriage. It’s like people want to see us together more than we want to be together.”
‘Okay, coming from the outside — No, you guys are so obviously in love, I mean… All he does is talk about you, it’s genuinely the most annoying thing ever.’ You can see her now in your mind's eye, jaw working a piece of fruit gum between her teeth, talking with her hands.
“Yeah… well… you’re not trapped inside four walls with him once the sun goes down.”
‘That’s so fucking sad, I- wow.’
“I’ve made peace.”
‘-And I don’t even blame you, because I wouldn’t touch him with a long, long stick. He’s too annoying, and that’s just the least of it. So arrogant, too. He’s not as sexy as he thinks he is.’ It’s like once you pull the bandage off, it gave Shoko ample room to talk shit. Yes, she loves Toru – she loves you more. It’s always going to be you that she defends.
“Yeah, but it’s more just, like – he knows what buttons to push and makes pushing them a game. The only time we talk… like, actually talk, is when he thinks I’m mad at him and rushes in for damage control… then, it’s all like, ‘well, baby, if you would talk to me and tell me how you’re feeling, I’d understand.’ – But, whenever I tell him how I’m feeling, he fucking invalidates it like I’m the crazy one! Why am I still begging to pay some bills five years into the marriage?! He doesn’t listen to me.”
‘Let that man pay the bills.’
“It’s the principal-
‘I know, I know.’ She sighs, chuckling softly before she continues. ‘I’m not going to hear the end of this – does he know you’re gone?’
“No… and don’t tell him. I want him to find out for himself.”
‘Harsh.’
“It’d be harsher coming from you.”
The announcement comes from your train, the rush of wheels skidding against tracks inches closer, you’re stepping back from the platform.
“Okay, I’m gonna go. Don’t really want to be on my phone this week, so I’ll probably turn it off. Call my sister if you need anything.”
‘I’ll be thinking about you – stay busy.’
“I will.” You reply, voice bittersweet in your chest. Shoko goes away, and you’re alone again – thoughts rush to the front of your mind. You’re staring at the lockscreen of you and Satoru in Kyoto when things were still good; a friendly stranger took it. Your arms are slung over his neck, and you’re smiling in his face. You remember that day so well – he was all over you and made the sweetest love to you that night. It was all so good back then. You never wanted for anything. Not space, touch, emotion, or love. Satoru gave you everything you needed, including some.
Then, the feeling finally, truly settles.
You miss him.
From: Satoru No news on lunch? Don’t worry about it, baby. Thank you for my bento, I’ll make sure to return it empty. From: Satoru On my way home! Running real fast to you Had the shittiest day, gotta rant when I get back From: Satoru Hey, what’s with the cryptic note? Did someone snatch you up for ransom? Babe? [incoming call]
You glance down at your phone, grunting as you swing your suitcase over your small childhood bed.
You made it back home a little less than three hours ago – just as your sister left for class and your father for work. Stepping out of the cab, your mother was the one waiting for you with a solemn look in her eyes.
Breakfast was waiting, traditional, just like always. Natto, fish, rice, soup – she stuffed you full. Now, you’re finally getting a chance to settle in and unpack, staring down the room that faced the worst of your teenage angst.
When Satoru’s name flashes over your screen, bile rises in your throat. Immediately, you turn it back over, your finger finding the power button, and rid yourself of the stress. You’ve just glanced at the string of messages – he’d been sending them all day, which isn’t unlike him, but it felt wrong.
You two would hide phones under desks and banter on and off all day. In the same room, you two would exchange playful glances like he wasn’t describing every lewd thing he wanted to do to you that night. It’s just a habit; he doesn’t mind when you don’t text him back, but hates when you ignore his calls.
You’re sure it’s how he realizes you’re actually gone – that one missed call.
Then you’re trying to distract yourself from crying by unzipping your case, pulling out shirts, tears flooding in your eyes. But it’s too much to handle.
You collapse next to the suitcase, pulling your knees to your chest, and sob.
It burns so hot in your body, your cries sound like they’re breaking through the barrier, eating you alive. Your open-mouthed sobs are akin to the sound of prey being gutted alive – it’s piercing and raw, cutting your vocal cords.
It’s like you can’t stop. You let it all out, here – fingers bunched in the sheets, drawing blood in your palm from the strength of your nailed grip. The pain goes unnoticed because the aching in your chest is so cruel. Your mind is screaming at you, damning you to fiery hells and telling you to go back.
Go back and deal with it, it’s what you deserve.
You know you’re too weak to be alone.
Suck it up. Just like you always have.
Numbness sets in with time. You watch the neighborhood kids run down the cracked road through your small window, never shifting from the position you cried in. The sun travels through the sky, and late morning morphs into afternoon, afternoon to evening.
Downstairs, the home lights back up from everyone’s departure this morning, but you want nothing to do with it. You’re sure your mom has been home this entire time – most likely heard you crying and decided not to intervene. You’re glad. You didn’t want comfort.
Now you’re staring at the sky as it morphs into grey, and rain begins. You feel lonely.
Grey turns to black, you’re tired.
As blackness settles in, so does sleep. Right in that same position. Nobody bothers you.
Until you’re cracking open your eyes, it’s daytime.
You sit up immediately, regretting your choice as a mean wave of dizziness falls over you. Your stomach aches with hunger, breath ripe, and skin swollen from the tears. You’re still in your clothes from yesterday, the button of your pants digging into your soft skin painfully.
You breathe out a yawn, grimacing at the feeling before looking around for your phone.
It’s precisely where you left it, face down and completely off. You didn’t want to see Satoru’s messages right now. You just wanted to check the time. The house is quiet.
From: Satoru I wish I could kneel at your feet and emphasize just how sorry I am. I can’t believe how stupid and selfish I was when I had you, but I see it now. I could see that you were hurting for a while, but I assumed it would just pass in time.. I don’t know why I assumed, but I regret it so much. Take your time, my love, but don’t forget about me. Please, let’s talk this through before you make any hasty decisions.
You can feel the tears – they’re there before you even skim over the message.
With Godly timing, the softest of knocks fall to your door. It’s the only thing keeping you from breaking down again. There’s no real privacy here; you’re lucky your mom even knocked before slowly pushing it open.
“I figured you would be awake by now.” She smiles at your ruffled reflection – bed head everywhere, sleep lines on your face, drool on your lips. “Would you like some food?”
“Please.” You nod her in, dragging your arm across your face to wake yourself up. “Thank you, Mama.”
She has a tray of the same spread she served you yesterday in her familiar, comforting hands. Green tea steams wantonly at the corner, flailing in its porcelain confines when she lowers it before you. “Didn’t want to bother you much yesterday…”
“Thank you for that.”
“Your father peeked his head in last night.” She continues, reaching out to stroke your hair as you reach for the tea you’d been eyeing. There’s just something about crying that dehydrates you to the bone. “Said you were sleeping so hard that you were snoring.”
“Probably. Hadn’t had a good night's sleep in a while.”
“You can do better than sleeping on top of your bed in all your clothes.”
“Wasn’t really worried about that.” You can tell she wants to bring up Satoru – ask how he is, just out of force of habit. Maybe she wants to ask you about your divorce plans, but she stays silent, nodding slowly. “Thank you for the food.”
“Bring it back down when you’re ready. Take your time.” Her gentle tone is welcomed, but so is her departure. The door clicks shut, and you’re taking a slow, deep breath, suddenly overcome by the burning of oncoming tears. You thought you had expelled them all last night, but Satoru’s message hung over your head like a dark precipitating cloud. It’s all flowing over you like hot rain, downpouring over your mental clarity.
You’re drawn to deep, soulless staring at the poster-covered wall before you as your tea warms. Hunger is lost on you, you reach for the short ceramic cup and bring it to your lips with shaking hands.
You just can’t understand how you can miss someone so much after envisioning life without them – welcoming it, yearning for it. Your heart and mind are tugging you across two playing fields, never letting you get an ounce of rest or peace.
~
Satoru has been staring into space for far too long, blinking at the wall like it’d somehow make you appear before him again. The note you penned is sitting on the counter, cursing him silently, pulling him to its angsty whims. He can see the small tear stain – can read the shake of your penmanship in the sloping letters. For once in his life, Satoru doesn’t know what to feel.
This has to be a joke.
He steps away for a second, staring unblinkingly at the floor as he reaches for his phone. It’s in his back pocket – he has to shuffle blindly.
Now he understands why you haven’t been responding.
To: gojo 💍 Hey, what’s with the cryptic note? Did someone snatch you up for ransom? Babe?
He gives it a second – that’s all he knows he needs. If you don’t answer in a second, you’re really gone.
His heart burns when you don’t answer at all. He’s paralyzed as the thought of being alone rushes over him. Just like you, he doesn’t understand what went wrong. Yes, you two fought often, but doesn’t every couple? The fighting always led to something better – deep discussions or love-making. He made sure to cover his bases every single time. He even found himself cooking and cleaning for you with a guilty conscience. So much of himself is rooted in you and how you loved him; he’s not sure he knows how to be without you by his side. Of course, it’s more than the money, sex, or power. It’s the fact that your lives are completely intertwined. There is no Satoru without you – there’s no you without Satoru.
That’s what eats him alive.
It’s what makes him stumble to the couch you picked out, head in his hands as he collapses into the downiness. He wants the cushions to swallow him whole – maybe then he can get lost in the wealth of your scent and sincerity. So many times you two have found yourself here, kissing the night away, hands under clothes. Movie marathons that led to falling asleep on shoulders, deep conversations that made him actually crack a tear. It’s all embedded in the upholstery, and he can’t even move. Satoru just feels so pathetic – it’s a new feeling for him, a disgusting one.
“Oh, fuck.” He states as if reality just washed over him. Now, all Satoru can do is sit with everything. He keeps rereading the note he memorized in his head, like there were hints as to where you were hidden behind the script. You told him that you loved him, and as good of a sign as it looks like, it feels counterfeit.
He loved you more than he loved anything – including himself, and he’d never leave you. He has to know why you felt the need to leave him so easily, and it’s not like five years is a long marriage in any form of the term. Satoru wanted a family with you. He wanted to see you swollen with his baby, ripe with hormones, and caring with a blue-eyed infant. It’s all he yearned for – stability, endless, overflowing love, and mutual support.
He’s almost… mad that you gave up.
No, not almost. He’s mad.
Not even thinking, knowing his efforts are for naught, he snatches up his phone and dials you with scary precision. A piece of him knows that you won’t answer, but his hands are shaking. He just needs to try.
He counts – the line rings six times.
Then, it clicks, a stupid robotic voice telling him you’re unavailable. Yes, he fucking knows you’re not available. Or, maybe you are. Perhaps you’re just watching your screen as his name brushes against it. Satoru hates when you let your cowardice take over, and he knows that’s what you’re doing.
In a sudden fit of rage, he takes his ringing phone and throws it across the room, hearing it shatter on impact as it hits a window. As satisfying as it feels, he feels more like a dunce. If he waited a second longer, maybe your sweet voice would brush the rusty, waiting dial tone. He wants you in his arms, but this feeling is so unfamiliar and nasty that he doesn’t know what to do or what to think. He knows he wants you back, he just can’t fathom what he did wrong.
At work the next day, Satoru doesn’t feel any better. In fact, he feels worse. He didn’t get a wink of sleep last night, scared and cold as he tried to hug himself to rest. He hasn’t been in a bed without you since he was a teenager, and he doesn’t think he could exist without your body heat safe in his arms.
The lack of sleep is making him irritable, it’s wafting off of his body as he walks down the hallway to his lecture hall. Thankfully, he wouldn’t have to teach anything, but he’d have to sit and annotate – he’s not sure he can keep his mind straight long enough to pen an entire two-hour Sociology lecture, let alone stay awake. That scares him – he’s letting his personal life seep into the fabric of his work, but it’s impossible not to when this is where he met you.
Sweet and young, shy as all hell, too. Satoru would make excuses and drag his friends to the admin office on bullshit bases, all to see your little smile when he complimented your outfit. You were always right there next to Shoko, using her long hair as a security blanket. Everything was good back then… everything was sweet.
Satoru can’t believe he’s fighting back tears as he steps into the vast, vacant hall, bag slung over his shoulder. He must be a walking ball of bad vibes, because his professor is noticing immediately, commenting on it, too, which is supremely unlike him.
No, Kento Nanami was much more of a don’t ask, don’t tell, zero-bullshit type of instructor. Him and Satoru often butted heads, but butting heads was more like purposefully ignoring the other – their relationship is far too compliated for him to dwell on for too long.
“You look like Hell.”
“My wife left me last night.” Satoru finds no need to lie. Yes, he’s struggling. He needs grace; the only way he’d get it is to let Kento know he’s distracted.
Kento turns slowly, watching Satoru move in front of his desk to settle in the front row of chairs. When he’s still, Kento can see the darkness around his usually perky eyes, but he doesn’t know how to feel. “Well… I am sorry to hear that. If you need to take the day off, I unders-
“-just need to distract myself.” Satoru cuts him off like he doesn’t want to talk, sucking his cheek as he pulls out his work laptop. “I forwarded those papers you sent me the other night. Everything’s looking good. From my initial glance at the collection of scores, it looks like this period is sitting at 83% accuracy. Pretty good.”
“I didn’t need those scores until the end of the week.” Kento turns back around to his board, propping himself against the desk he’s occupying. He’s been sketching out the lesson plan against the chalked surface for most of his morning. Traditional for the introduction to a new unit. “But, I’ll start putting them in. Thanks, Gojo.”
“Sure.” Satoru swallows as he types out his password to get into the device. It’s your birthday. His heart hurts. His wallpaper is you at the zoo, holding a little lion cub, totally fearless with the biggest smile on your face. The way the sun touches your features – God, it just makes him weak in the knees. That era of your relationship is so well documented because you two were on cloud nine. He wants it back – he wants you back.
“Satoru,” that familiar, whiny voice is just what he needs right now. It’s the only thing that can pull him from the depths your pretty face dragged him to. “I’ve called you like ten times, they won’t even go thro- hi, Kento.”
“Geto… hello…” Nanami mumbles, not even looking at the visitor, because he knows who it is. The five of you are like a clique, and he hates it. Not because he’s not in it, but because they’ve definitely tried to rope him into the madness, but he’s just in a different league. All he thinks about is work, not friends.
“Sator-
“Gojo left me last night. I broke my phone.” Satoru spits out like it's the easiest thing ever. He’s hiding his emotions like he always does, and he knows Suguru is due to find out at any moment. “Reckless, I know.”
“What?” Suguru walks up to him, long hair pulled back in a low-hanging bun. They’ve known each other damn near since childhood – completely inseperable, face-deep in platonic love. Right now, Satoru knows that Suguru would be the only human capable of picking up the pieces you shattered.
“Packed some clothes, left me a note, and skipped town.”
“That’s crazy – it doesn’t make any sense.” Suguru plops down right next to him, entire body turned at attention, only for Satoru to pour every vapid thought into. He’s not supposed to be in this hall, but he’s friendly enough with Kento to skate by during the last half hour before lectures start. “I just saw her the other day with Shoko and Utahime. They… didn’t invite me to lunch, but I understand the whole girls’ day aspect of it all. She just… I’m sorry, she seemed so at ease.”
“Because she was with Shoko.”
“Does Shoko know where she is?”
“If I asked, she’d just lie for her.”
“Where could she have even gone?”
“Probably back home.” Satoru’s sucked into something on his laptop, opening a new document and labeling it under todays date and the topic Kento wants to cover. If he wasn’t going through a breakup, he’d be excited for this new unit, though he’s experienced it year after year. “Been saying she misses her family a lot.” Then he thinks about it, sitting forward with his chin pressed into a closed fist. Satoru has never barred you from doing what you want – staying out all night with your friends? Of course, he didn’t care. He welcomed it. Solo trips back home? Oh, Satoru encouraged it.
He was the perfect husband – what happened?
At his side, Suguru watches him stew over the matter, thin brows knitted in pity. He reaches out, hand smoothing over Satoru’s shoulder. He shakes him softly. “If you don’t want to be alone, my guest bedroom is empty. There’s probably still traces of you in there – not like anyone else uses it.”
Satoru hesitates, knowing that a night with Suguru would lead to little sleep just because they have everything in the world to talk about. They have the same favorite shows, movies, foods, and conversations – it’d be a perfect distraction, but Satoru just wants to get you back.
“Or, we can go to a bar. I know you don’t usually drink, but it is Friday, I’m sure if we bribe Shoko with free drinks, she’d help you find her.”
“I really shouldn’t…” The sane part of his mind is telling Satoru not to seek out one who doesn’t wish to be sought, but he wants to. He knows Shoko knows where you are – Hell, Utahime probably knew, too. You’re surprised Suguru’s seemingly the only one in the dark. “But, I don’t think I want to be alone.”
Suguru nods slowly, not pushing Satoru for eye contact when he knows he’s sensitive to the touch. “We don’t have to get drunk and emotional if you don’t want to.” He continues dropping his hand to cross them in his lap. All Satoru looks like to him is a shell. He’s staring at his screen like it’d tell him what he needs to know, and Suguru finds himself, for the first time ever, genuinely worried for him.
“I’ll… uh— I’ll text you about it later.”
“Sure.”
“Are you going to sit this one in, Geto?” Kento turns around, snatching up a beige rag from his desk to dust his hands. “Bells about to hit.”
Satoru feels both of their stares zero in on him, and he knows he’s not hiding anything. His eyes are bloodshot, his hair disheveled, and flat over his head. Feeling some kind of insecure, he reaches into his bag and slides on a dark pair of square glasses.
Suguru sighs. “Nobody would blame you if you went home.”
“She’ll come around.” He whispers, pursing his lips as he leans back in his chair. His hands are shaking, so he tucks them close to his chest. “She always does, doesn’t she?”
-
Doesn’t she?
Two weeks down the drain, completely wiped from your memory. Sober days and sleepless nights – that moody in-between when you’re gasping for air. Still, you battled it through in your childhood bed.
You got over it, just like you knew you would.
Work started again last week. You’ve been slowly scouring through emails, working your way forward by combing through backlogs. Most of the time, your job falls to scheduling Dean meetings, prospective professor interviews, and prestigious tours, but it varies. Without you, all of this work would have fallen onto Shoko, but you can’t feel bad. She’s been doing this way longer than you and is ten times more efficient. However, she liked to complain. You let her have it this time.
Now, you’re planning your trip back to the City. The apartment you’d been keeping an eye on since the marriage had just closed with the money you saved, and you’re finally confident.
Rather, confident enough.
You will definitely have to see Satoru when you go back to work, but it’s just something you knew you’d have to deal with. It’s the unfortunate downside to working with your partner, and you think that’s what did it in.
You’re sitting at your family’s dinner table, bags packed all around you as you wait for your ride to the station. You’re sawing your lip in concentration, pen scribbling messily in your lax grip.
It was an exercise you’ve been putting off since you left the city – writing Satoru a note letting it all out, and then freeing yourself from the burden by throwing it away. His eyes would never lie upon these scribbled words, so you let it out. You’re not sure what you’re even writing anymore, your wrist is moving at its own accord.
Satoru, I love you. It might not seem like it right now, but I love you to the ends of the Earth and back again. Being married to you felt like a dream in more ways than I can fathom, but I’d wake up at night, and that bliss fades into loathing. You have no problem sticking up for me in front of your friends, so why, when I’m faced with impossible decisions from your family, do you go radio silent? We agreed it’d just be us. We decided we’d focus on each other and our work, not on family nonsense that drains my psyche and leaves me exhausted. They want something from me that I can’t give, and I didn’t know how to tell them no - everyone is so pleasant to me. That being said. It’s not why I left… I’m actually not sure why I did it, or I just don’t want to see things for what they are. Every time we’d see each other for over an hour, we’d fight. I admit that I was the catalyst for most of the arguments, but you never reassured me. I’d fall asleep next to you afterwards, sobbing so hard I couldn’t breathe, and you would just turn around and pretend not to hear. Why? I guess that’s all I want to know, now. Why? I’ve always given you everything you needed without a question – why was it so easy to push me to the wayside? Why is it so easy to ignore me to my face for days on end? And why can’t you see me as more than an incubator for your unborn children? I just can’t help but wonder…
As you’re writing, the car your family called for you pulls up outside. You wanted to leave while they were all predisposed with work and school because you know you’d cry and cave if you saw their pitiful goodbye faces. They insisted on the fare, you’re insisting that you’ll be back as soon as you can. You take the half-finished note, folding it lax in your fingers as you stand and grab your bags.
You’re leaving with more than you came with. Typical.
And you’re leaving like you were never here, with the wind peeking through the front door and the sun on your skin.
You thought you’d be more excited to get back to your life, but there’s an invisible feeling of longing planted deep in your chest that’s making it hard to swallow. The letter you penned to Toru is balanced between your fingers as you swing your heavy bags into the vehicle. This time, the driver watches you from the side with a cigarette between his teeth, mentioning your destination softly and how the fare was already pre-paid. You nod the older man along, giving him a phony smirk when the boot closes and you’re stepping into the backseat.
You don’t care that he’s still lingering outside. It gave you time to settle in, rustling the soft paper, trying not to give the flustered words your attention. All this note is is a weak attempt to try to understand where things went wrong. Satoru was never unhappy in the relationship, not like you were; he just didn’t know how to approach your angst without being struck in the crossfire. He exercised the same cowardice he condemned you for, and now you two exist worlds apart.
Still, you can’t help but wonder where he is… What he’s doing.
Around this time of day, he’d be wrapped up in lectures. You can almost see his slumped figure over his laptop, typing without giving the keyboard a second glance. Toru’s always been an overachiever – too good at his job. Too good to still be an aide, but waits patiently for his time to come as a professor.
It’s always been his goal to buy you a big house that you two could grow old in together. You can close your eyes and hear his sweet voice lost in your sheets, whispering every detail about your future in your ear. But when you open them again, it disappears.
The car door slams on the rest of your shriveled sanity, and you’re standing in front of a home that wasn’t yours… Yet.
You just signed papers online, carrying cold, hard cash in your bag that’d leave you with virtually nothing once you hand it over in exchange for keys. It’s like being in a wind tunnel – feeling the city pulse and move around you as you drag your measly two suitcases against polished concrete. You didn’t know what time it was – your phone is too buried in your luggage, but you know you just got off a nearly four-hour bullet train, and your ears rang.
Luckily, the property owner isn’t too far behind you, and you can exchange cash for keys within two minutes of your arrival.
You thought once you had a place to call your own, that you’d feel completely comfortable, but standing in the echoey, semi-modern space, you feel devoid of life. You don’t even own a speck of furniture – this is not your home.
So, you leave your bags at the locked entryway, sliding off your shoes out of habit as you head to the back wall of covered windows. Your apartment is on the ground floor, and humans walk by, not knowing you’re looking over them. You take your time, pulling each curtain so the sun can bleach the wooden floors in gold.
Right there, under the sun like a contented cat, you pull your knees to your chest and sit… for hours, just grounding yourself. Losing time as the sun floats through the sky.
All you can do since the separation is to sit with the pain and waste time. It’s the only thing that keeps you sane.
You can’t recall what time exactly you stood to relieve your throbbing bladder, but when you’re walking back into the empty expanse, your phone is dinging from the confines of your bag. Sighing, you lean down to flush it out.
From: Utahime Are you back in town!! Suguru invited us out for free drinks From: Shoko Don’t worry, i told him to fuck off if he already invited Gojo He said he didn’t To: Utahime, Shoko I don’t really think I’d be good company From: Shoko One drink and you’ll forget about that maniac. From: Utahime Please!! We miss u To: Utahime, Shoko I don’t trust Suguru. There’s no way he didn’t invite toru From: Shoko Okay, well i trust him enough. If we see him, it’s no big deal we’ll just leave From: Utahime You know he doesn’t drink anyway From: Shoko Tired argument, babe. He’s wherever Geto is To: Utahime, Shoko Yeah, well maybe he should marry suguru next. From: Shoko Girl… To: Utahime, Shoko I told you i wouldn’t be fun to be around right now. Enjoy your free drinks, you two deserve them
The group chat goes silent enough for you to tuck your phone away, breathing in deep through your nose as you watch evening set in outside your windows.
You’ve been putting it off since you returned, but there isn’t a speck of anything in this space, and you were exhausted. In some form of the phrase, you’d have to pick up your feet and carry yourself to the store to get an air mattress.
That ten-minute walk felt like a marathon in your exhausted mind. But like everything in adulthood, you must be uncomfortable for twenty minutes to be comfortable for eight hours. You peel your body into action, rubbing at your eyes until you see stars.
You’re only bringing your phone in case of an emergency. You didn’t want to see it – you didn’t want to see the lockscreen picture of you and Toru that you didn’t have the guts to delete. It’s better not to look because you can’t delete him; it just didn’t feel right yet. Somehow, someday, strength will take over, and you can rid your life of his shadow. One day, you’ll fall out of love and stare at someone else with the stars you’re rubbing into your eyes.
It’s all you can hope for. It’s the only thing that keeps you warm and sane as you leave your apartment.
You moved to a new neighborhood, and although you’re not unfamiliar, it’s different. The alleys are darker on this side of the city – street lights flicker, but you welcome it. Nobody is really around; convenience stores light up the area in neon, but that’s not where you’re headed. The local department store is just down the street. Foot traffic gets heavier as you approach the business district, which is still booming with the promise of night.
Your one-track mind gets you in and out of the stark-white space in less than ten minutes. Your feet are moving so fast that your legs are numb, and you can’t see anything that’s not shrouded in inky blackness. If you cared to see anything for what it truly was, you’d notice just how depressed you are. You’re in pain – full, bodily pain like you’re recovering from an injury.
It hits you all at once, and you’re almost back to your apartment.
Then, you make a decision that doesn’t fully set in until it’s finished – you slide into a 7-Eleven, air mattress tucked under your arm, and pick up two cans of dangerously strong mixed drinks. You’re lying to yourself, thinking that they’d just be a vehicle for sleep so you can start work with a full night.
You’re an incredible liar – even you believe the nonsense your brain is pushing.
As you make it back into your door, bags hanging from your fingers and yawning sleepily into the night, you can hear your phone ping quietly in your pocket. Once you step inside and place your loot at your feet, you shrug to grab it. It’s the group chat again.
From: Shoko
[1 image attachment]
Geto said hiiiiiiii
The picture is of the three of them, side by side at a bar table. Suguru’s in the middle, cradling a frosted pitcher of beer with the biggest close-eyed grin on his face. Utahime is behind him, peeking from around his back, sending you a friendly, stoic wink. Shoko’s barely in frame, but her smudged eye makeup and gently smoking cigarette between her teeth is undeniable.
You crack a smile and send back a quick message.
To: Shoko, Utahime Love u guys ♡ have fun From: Shoko Goodnight, we love you! Missing you like hell
That’s the last of it. You turn your phone off again.
Before you can even set up the mattress, you’re cracking into your first drink, taking a deep breath to keep your taste buds at bay as you swallow the entirety in just under a minute.
Thank god you can’t taste it, because you hated drinking like this. It’s pointless and depressing, but you were feeling so much that you had to numb it out. If Satoru could see you now… You don’t even want to know how he’d react.
You drink more to chase him away.
Uncoordinated and dizzy from the mixture of alcohol on an empty stomach, you drag the air mattress box into the middle of the open room. You didn’t want to carry it all the way to the bedroom, so you kneel, manicured fingers sharp as you rip into the tape and cardboard.
You’re half-awake, blinking drearily as you throw the empty box behind you, crawling over the tufted, flat expanse to spread it out. You splurged on a bigger bed, needing something to roll in without fear of falling onto cold, hard flooring. It’s so big that you have to stand up, hiccuping softly as your feet spread it to full size.
You stand over it, out of breath with your hands pressed to your hips. You can’t really see clearly through this drunken haze, but it dawns on you that you don’t have an air pump. You forgot to buy one.
“Fuck.” You whine, pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes. You’re seeing splotches of white – they dart across your sight like scurrying mice, driving you into a feeling so sick that you’re almost anxious.
Not thinking twice, you sit back on your knees, crawling to the air hole, and giving it one last push. You bring the nozzle to your lips, taking a deep breath before blowing. It’s weak, comically so. You can’t hold a stream for less than half a minute, and your head is already spinning. You’re whining again like a tired child, thoroughly beaten down and hopeless as you size up your situation.
If only Toru were here… He’d make it all better.
You’re standing on shaky feet, peeking around the darkness for the promise of your phone. It’s right where you left it, completely off and face down on the kitchen counter. Dragging your bare feet, you go to grab and turn it back on.
You call him. All inhibitions are lost.
He answers… right away. The phone doesn’t even ring twice.
The line clicks, but he doesn’t speak–not yet. His breathing is shallow.
“S-satoru?”
More silence. You want to sob.
“Toru, I jus- I know I’m the last person you want to hea-
‘You sound like you’re going to cry.’ He blurts out suddenly, voice so familiar it makes you sick. There’s no animosity when he’s talking to you; he just sounds worried.
“I’m back in the city and I… I just – I don’t have any furniture at my new apar-
‘Come home. If you want to sleep in the spare room, it’s fine, I’ll let you have it. Just stop this madness and come home. I’m waiting for you.’
You have to hang up before you can respond, because the tears are coming and they’re disgusting and heavy. You’re sobbing into your hands, feeling so overcome and pathetic with yourself and this turn of circumstance. Of course, Satoru is being nice about it – he loves you and you blindsided him, he’ll take any grasp at you that he can get.
You sob as you slip on a jacket and your shoes, tears and snot dripping onto the floors and leather. You’re shaking as you reach to wipe it away, unable to look at yourself in the reflection of your lock screen as you glance at the time.
There are no trains running at this hour. The only things that lit up the streets are twenty-four-hour convenience stores and old, late-night family restaurants that make most of their money from the after-bar crowd. Your friends are likely tucked behind one of those doors, laughing, living, and feeding off the dopamine they pour into each other. You belong with them, leaning drunkenly into your husband's chest as he dotes on you. So many sleepless nights were spent in that spell. No cares in the world. In love. Young. You want to go back.
So you walk that twenty-some minutes back home – Satoru’s home, now. Yes, you picked it out. Yes, you decorated it, but you had to be okay with letting it go, so you are. You just have to lie to yourself a little more every day, and hopefully, the breakup will morph into reality. You just don’t want to suffer anymore.
In your daze, the front door code is still etched into your memory. So is the way to the fourth floor – you climb the steps, breathless by the time you get there.
Your and Toru’s apartment was nothing less than luxurious with the money he poured into it. Though he promised that you two would split bills before you agreed on getting the place, that quickly fell by the wayside when he looked at you with those bright doe eyes, mentioning he’d love nothing more than to take complete care of you, so all you had to focus on was your work and sanity. He also had a mind to make you a mother, but he conveniently didn’t add that to his point that night.
You hold your breath as you reach to knock on the door. Before your knuckle even hits wood, it’s swinging open. All the lights are on – you squint.
Satoru is on the other side, loose shirt hanging from his shoulders, bone-white hair all ruffled with relaxation. Seeing him again after all this time nearly kills you. Of course, you can’t look him in the eyes. “Hi. Come on.”
“I don’t want to talk.” You start, just protecting your heart from his musings before anything could transpire again. “I don’t want to fix things, I just want to sleep.”
“Okay.” He mutters, standing off to the side so that you could step in. “Okay, come on. We don’t have to talk.” The door opens wider, and light spills across your face. It takes you a minute to gather strength to step inside, but when you do, rivers of ease flow over your shoulders. You sigh.
“Your hair is longer.” He mentions in passing, catching himself as he goes out to touch you. Stagnant – midair, he hovers, telling himself no. He respects your space. “I changed the sheets in the room for you.”
You ignore him, shouldering past his hard body with a singular goal in mind. Your stomach is in knots – your head lighter than air. Everything is fuzzy, and if you didn’t fall into the warmth of a bed right now, Toru would have to carry you to his.
“Or you can sleep in our bed and I’ll take the spare room.”
Again, no answer. He follows behind you loosely as you stumble down the hall.
“Are you okay?”
“Leave me alone, just stop talking.” You slur, stupidly thinking that not giving him any of your attention would make him stop trying to squeeze words out of you.
“You know, it wouldn’t kill you to be a little nicer to me. You’re the one who left.”
“Shut up,” you bite, turning into the cracked doorway of the spare bedroom. He’s still hot on your trail, sleepy eyes begging for more where you couldn’t see.
“We can fix this if you just tell me what I did wrong-
Before he can finish, you’re turning around in the doorway, not giving him any mercy as you slam the door on his face. It locks shortly after, just rubbing salt in his festering wound. At least he didn’t lie about switching out the sheets – the whole room smells fresh, like comfort materialized. You’re fumbling with your pants as you lumber to the warm, soft expanse, exerting as little effort as you can before collapsing into bed.
You don’t have the energy to flip the lights off, so they stay on as you roll around in the sheets, trying to swallow down the oncoming doom of nausea and dizziness. You know Toru is still standing outside of the door, you can see the shadow of his feet under the crack, but he can’t come in – or, he doesn’t want to break the lock out and piss you off even more.
After a few silent minutes, he shrugs off, and you fall in and out of consciousness. Sleep doesn’t come – not for real, at least. Whenever you think you’re getting there, you’re startled awake with your vapid inner thoughts. His pull is supernatural; it’s like you’re struggling to cope with being so close, yet so far. Right in the other room, you can hear Satoru moving around restlessly – shuffling in and out of the bathroom, talking to himself.
He’s alone, you’re lonely.
You blame it on the alcohol wearing off in your blood. That’s what gives you the push to roll out of bed and stumble to the door. Satoru stills in the other room right as the lock clicks – you know he hears you. He knows you’re on the way.
It’s why he’s not in the bedroom when you crack open the door. It’s like he tucked off to the bathroom on purpose, using the shower as a distraction while you fall into your old side of the bed. It’s made neatly – your throw pillows are fluffed, and you’re succumbing to your weakness again.
You dozed off for about ten minutes before you heard the door creak softly. Satoru’s footsteps are featherlight, and he knows you’re awake. Your breathing isn’t as shallow as it is now when you're sleeping. He doesn’t say anything about it–not yet.
Satoru waits for you, gathering the towel wrapped around his waist as he sits on the bed. He knows you too well.
So he doesn’t flinch when he feels the bed tremble beneath him. Sheets ruffle around your knees as you rise blearily. He hums when your arms wrap around his hard, broad shoulders, then mumbles, “You’re predictable.”
“I’m burning up, I need help.” You plead weakly, lips focused right above his sharp collarbone. His skin tastes like it always has – sweet, for some reason. Like he was sculpted out of sugar.
“Have you been drinking?”
You pause right at the stubble of his undercut, the translucent shag tickling your nose. “I don’t need to be scolded.”
“Well,” he peeks over his shoulder, pulling your chin close. The glow of his eyes amongst the darkness of the room is frighteningly familiar. You can’t look away. “I know you don’t want to talk about it.”
You’re waiting for him to do something – to take control of this situation and steer the reins in your favor. Right now, you want him to annihilate you in the gentlest way only he can. Touching yourself will never be enough now that you’ve tasted him. It hits you like a craving.
You’re left flicking between his eyes and his shiny, pink lips. They’re drawing you in like a siren song, weaving incantations that only your drunken mind would bend to. And finally, he kisses you. Something inside of you shrivels up and dies – your pride.
Now, you’re shedding everything for him, gentle grip turning into claws in his shoulders. His skin is soft after his shower, leaving bright red marks against the pale ocean. Toru grunts into your mouth, shifting over to his knees as he crowds you against the mattress. Big arms cage you in – your back is lodged in the sheets, you’re reaching to pull him closer.
Through it all, you don’t talk. When you’re needily grinding up into his thigh, he’s silent. Reaching down to your core, he doesn’t say a word.
Lips hot and panting into the hard skin behind his ear, hands clawed in his hair, you don’t whisper his name.
Your legs open for him, thighs parting like the Red Sea. He’s so hard for you, twitching against the towel he rips away and abandons somewhere in the room. Right now, every single move mattered. There are no words to dull your mood – nothing for him to say that hasn’t already been said.
Satoru’s spent a short-lived lifetime telling you how beautiful you are, how well you’re taking him, how sexy your body is. You know that’s what he’s thinking; he just won’t waste his breath telling you again.
After all, you couldn’t be bothered to waste yours, telling him that you were leaving to his face.
To you, this hot, grinding silence is deafening. Toru’s biting at your neck, kissing you holy, but it’s so foreign that you couldn’t really focus. You bite down a plea.
But he hears it. When he kisses you, he can taste the desire. His naked body is so pressed to yours that there’s no room to exist outside of it – you pull him closer.
Somewhere in the headiness, Satoru works a hand between your soft, stretchy waistband. He knows you’re ready for him, and he knows he’s ready for you. This moment might have been the perfect opportunity to prove devotion to each other. What a shame you’re so caught up in your head, worried about losing more of yourself to morph into the reality of who Satoru needs you to be.
He tugs your thin pants down your legs, staring down at the quivering flesh that blooms with irritation against the harshness of the fabric. You’re seething into his skin, hips lifting from the bed so he can take you quicker.
The issue is, he wants to see you. Toru wants to dip his head between your thighs and devour your cunt until you’re screaming his name, but you don’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve it.
The most you two could chew off without burying yourself in grief was wordless, raw sex. That’s all there is to it – Toru wants to fuck you, get his rocks off, then sleep like a baby. Sure, he’d care in the morning, but you’re presenting yourself to him with armor stripped. He’d be a fool to pass it up.
When he sits up, you’re scrambling. The air is too cold, his height is too brooding. He’s staring down at you, pearly chest rising and falling in the nightlight, but the gaze isn’t really there. One hand works at his erection, thick fist wrapped around the base of his cock as he coaxes it to full hardness.
You’re staring at his body, swallowing down gobs of want as you flick past his waistline. Your neat, mindful Satoru – he always trimmed his body to exactly what you wanted. The soft patch of hair that gathers under his belly button makes you crazy. The neat trimming of his pubes makes your mouth water, and you’ve been holding back for so long.
If you could tell him anything right now, it’d be just how much you need him. It was eating you alive at this point – all this cruel buildup.
You bring your hand to your lips, taking to biting down on the length of your thumb while he settles back against you. Any more sober, you’d stop him and tell him to wear a condom, but of course, you’re silent.
He mounts you again, pressing two big hands on either side of your head. Your free hand reaches up, holding his wrist gently as he slowly eases himself inside of your hole, stretching you out like he never left.
You take a second to focus on the feeling, eyes falling shut as the stretch engulfs every single one of your nerves. It’s so thick – drilling deeper and deeper inside of you until there was nothing left to give. All the way inside, Satoru nuzzles against that uncomfortably sensitive point inside of you, kissing it like he was proud of the pain.
You open your mouth to praise him – to whine about how deep he is, but all that comes out is a soft, strangled moan. He grunts again.
Then, he cuts himself loose, fingers working at the sheets as he pulls out halfway, pretty face screwing up as he fucks back into you.
You’re moaning, crying, rejoicing, living for everything in this moment. Your grip on his wrist tightens, and your thumb-gag breaks through. Satoru fucks you with an unnatural, mean precision, drinking up the sound of your skin slapping into each other. With this fervor, you’d be bruised tomorrow, but it’s too good. You love it when he’s rough – it’s just what you needed after sustaining for a month.
Your throat burns with the need to scream at him – to tell him to take you harder, to kiss you stupid, but you don’t. Satoru buries his face in your neck and gives it to you. Over and over, thrust after thrust. It hurts, but it’s so good.
Time creeps and crawls through the ordeal. Your belly is numb and raw, legs shaking from the tight strangle they have across Toru’s waist. He hasn’t moved an inch – letting himself plank over you, plowing into your weeping cunt with no mercy, and no end in sight. Veins bloom like red-hot wires in his neck, sweat beads like water in his collarbone, and he’s so hot that the humidity gathers in his still-damp hair, rolling off the strands and onto your skin.
Thirty minutes roll by – he’s still going. Everything hurts.
He doesn’t have your loving voice egging him on, drawing him closer and closer to the release he needs. You don’t have that loving, sweet touch toying with your clit that leaves you gushing and gasping for air. You both are trying to make do with the bare minimum, not even looking at each other.
You’re shaking.
Satoru sits up, a detached, manic look in his eyes as he breathes heavily through his red-stained lips. He stares down at you, searching your expression for everything. You’re not telling him how you feel, but your face is screwed up so much that he knows it’s not the best feeling. He hates that he enjoys the thought of that. He hates that he needs to push his pain onto you – in fact, he feels monstrous, but it doesn’t will him to stop.
Instead, he slows his mean fucks, dragging his hands to your waist where he turns you over like a limp, freshly caught fish. You fumble at the stark change, coughing softly, eyes flying open. Under your breath, you cry. “Mmfmf.”
“Shh,” he bites back, all sharp and unfriendly in the base of his chest. Hands still stuck in your hips, he pulls you exactly where he wants you, chest pressed to the bed, behind on full display – full mercy. Your skin is so inflamed, he takes a second to drink it in.
Then, he slaps you right on your left cheek. You chew on a surprised yelp. Something slips.
“Tor-
Another slap. You swallow down your protests.
Behind you, you can feel him dragging his cock against the hot sensitivity hidden between your labia, dripping with the newfound touch Satoru is working himself up to give you.
Again, at your prime, he’d take this moment to completely dive in. He’d lose himself in the warm tears you’re excreting, lapping up the fluids like it’s his only nourishment. He’d worship you – now, all he does is cup his hand against your embarrassingly wet cunt, longest fingers working at your clit. His palm rubs harshly against your quivering hole, and you use the mattress as a screaming pillow, finally letting it out.
Tears come, now. They burn and ache because they know whatever sacred intimacy you shared with Toru before is long gone. He’s fucking you, now. If you closed your eyes and wiped your memory, this would all feel like a stupid, drunk hookup.
That’s all you are, now.
You don’t even make a sound when he starts to bottom out inside of you again. You feel like a statue on display with the way Satoru spreads you open, both hands grabbing at your stinging ass. He watches the way you swallow his cock like a delicacy, gulping down want. Now, he’s dangerously close. He knows this was what he needed – this lewd visual.
You, on the other hand, couldn’t have been further away from release, and it’s tearing you apart. You need to tell him – scream at him and curse his name, but you can’t.
You let him make a mess of you, flooding your cervix with his sticky, fluid seed. He comes so hard and you can feel it – it’s so deep that you swear you can taste his desire bubbling in your throat. It’s acidic and raw, but it tastes like him, so you love it – you miss the taste when you swallow it down.
He’s pulling out once he’s empty and satiated, come planted so deep inside of you that it doesn’t even slip out in his wake. He steps away, your hips fall on the bed, and you’re limp and unsatisfied. All you can do is blink. Satoru rolls away.
You don’t know what he’s doing, or where he’s going, but when you fall over to your side, tears dripping into the mattress, you’re overcome.
You’re crying, croaking weakly, “c-can you-
The sound of your voice stops Satoru in his tracks. He was heading back to the bathroom to clean himself up, but he thought you had dropped off to sleep immediately.
“What?”
“Can you… J-just try?”
“All I wan-want to do…” You stop again, swallowing salty tears. “Please, all I want to d-d-do is come. P-please…” You feel so pathetic – and you are. You feel like the worst person ever born.
If you could see his face, you’d see the speck of emotion that runs off his crystalline, flushed features. He would feel terrible if you cried like this to him a month ago. Now, he just feels something like an obligation to turn around and stalk back over to your side of the mattress.
You’re still crying into your arms when he approaches, hiccuping softly as he lowers to a squat.
Like this, he finally talks. “Swing your legs over, I’ll clean you up.”
The smoothness has your eyes flying open, heart doing a billion jumping jacks all at once. Limbs shaking, you struggle to sit up.
Satoru notices, knowing he has to retake hold of these reins. He reaches out for you, big hands closing around your thighs as he pulls you to the side of the bed. There’s nothing gentle about it, now. He licks his lips.
Both legs hooked over his shoulder, your back falls back onto the mattress, and at the first flick of his tongue prodding at your quivering entrance, you’re crying again. But he’s good at this part. He doesn’t stop. That licks turns into sensual drags of the tongue, scraping against your sensitive slit, easing over your clit. You finally moan for him – real moans. Pleased moans.
He presses a kiss to your hole. “Push it out on my tongue.” He demands, those few words feeling like acid on the tongue. It’s fucking filthy, but nothing out of his ordinary, deranged mind. You take a breath and tense your body, working on easing all of the deep come right back to him.
Satoru is licking it up like an eager dog, slurping and sucking obscenely as his grip gets lost in your pillowy thighs. Now, he’s working you over like he’s chasing your release, knowing your body just like a doting husband would. It would only take him a few minutes of tongue-work before you’re coming for him, but now, it only takes a single one.
You’re coming before you can even focus on the feeling, and it hits you like a brick to the skull. Your spine bends, bones creaking, blood rising to insane temperatures in your body as sweet, sweet bliss meets you once more.
It’s all you wanted – this feeling has been the singular thing you’ve been chasing at Toru’s side. He gives it so well and so selflessly that he’s still lapping up mess when he feels you coming undone around him. He carries you through it just like he always has – thick, plush lips sucking at your insanely sensitive bud like he’s trying to receive something as collateral. It drives you crazy – you reach out to push him away.
The job is done. Satoru rises to his feet.
He heads off again to finish what he started, wiping your taste from his lips, back into his mouth as he gets lost behind the bathroom door. He leaves you on the bed to come back to your senses, fully sobered up and slightly sick from the onslaught of physicality. You reach into your matted hair, screwing your eyes shut in shame. Every time you move, your core trembles and cries. Everything hurts.
In the bathroom, Satoru flicks on the lights and doesn’t recognize the face he sees in the mirror. He’s blown red, scratches all over his arms and back. His hair is everywhere, eyes beet-red and sensitive. He leans forward and spits in the sink.
The faucet creaks as he turns it on.
Everything washes away.
#i'm so happy this is out#and i'm so ready for u guys to ingest this lollls#lmk what u think ily#.satoruu <3#.ex husband ✧#jjk x reader#jjk fanfic#jjk smut#satoru gojo x reader#satoru x you#satoru x reader#gojo satoru x reader#satoru smut#jjk gojo#gojo satoru#jjk angst#jjk au#jjk x you#satoru gojo#gojo x reader#gojo smut#jjk satoru#jujutsu satoru
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⋆˚࿔ JINU + HUNTR/X!READER. ── HEADCANONS!
── content warnings: F!reader, mention of twitter, compilation of enimies to lovers, light content.
── word count: 674!


⭑.ᐟ He was just a pretty face. — perhaps, apollonian, charming, delicate. — Only. — There was no way you could start admiring that man, besides, he wasn't everything they keep saying, gossiping about; you weren't a teenager.
⤷ But, damn, in a few moments, you were judging and scolding Zoey, alongside Rumi, for admiring the new, damn, demonic boy band; and right now, you're reveling in the group's leader. — No, you weren't proud of that, not even a little bit.
⭑.ᐟ Jinu was looking for your contact; regardless of whether he could be rejected, snubbed, offended or completely threatened. — Funny, he liked the rude and confusing way you greeted him politely next to the girls. — The boy, demonic and enigmatic, dedicated himself to tormenting you.
⤷ Daring winks, mentioning your name in an interview, flirtatious greetings, or compliments on some song you wrote? — Oh, that man was a stupid curse; you wished you had the chance to kill him. — Mira was begging you to put this plan into action.
⤷ It was ridiculous; Jinu was ridiculous. — The feeling of vulnerability could never taste your chest, however, you knew that his actions made you curious, almost disturbed; it was not out of fear, anguish or lack of security, it would never be that. — After all, you had always been taught to bury those feelings in the tombs of demons.
⭑.ᐟ OH, THE GOSSIP? — Zoey, as always, updated on everything that was being said about HUNTR/X on all social networks; seriously, she was starting to outgrow Bobby. — So, every night, especially during breaks and rests, you all got together to read all the news, tweets.
⤷ And of course, your fans and SAJA BOYS were commenting, almost obsessively, about the amount of interactions that happened between you and Jinu; right, there were many, many tweets. — Photos and some videos of him looking at you, with those soft, venerable eyes, while answering a question from the interviewer or how you were together when it was time for the photo shoot for a magazine; there were many situations.
⤷ On the one hand, you were curious to read all those tweets, posts just out of curiosity about the fans' creativity, just for that. — Ah, a demon with a huntress, what a joke in terrible and horrible taste.
“OH, look at this one!” — Zoey exclaimed, with great enthusiasm, almost spilling her soda on the couch, earning a sigh from Rumi. — “I wish i had thought of that one before.” — She laughed as she tried to show and tell what the tweet would be; Mira and you looked at each other, not trying to contain your laughter.
“Say it!” — Participating in the excitement, you said to the youngest.
“Okay, okay…” — As she turned the tablet, Zoey showed two photos where you and Jinu were greeting each other; in the first photo, you had bowed and in the second, you stared at each other for a few seconds. — Do you remember this moment? — “Listen, “They look like a couple of divorced parents who still see each other every day because of their child and who are going to fall in love again.”” — She repeated what was written in the post.
“Oh, no…” — Your hand found the small, white pillow, then slapped it against your face, hiding your red, embarrassed cheeks.
⭑.ᐟ He intrigued you; he disturbed you. — There were times when you felt persecuted, but you allowed yourself to be; acting as if you were cat and mouse, or rather, two individuals who were hard to antagonize in any environment. — You swear you couldn't say whether or not you liked maintaining this feeling, a dangerous, forbidden feeling with a creature you knew was cruel.
⤷ Jinu could contemplate, worship your presence; sometimes, you didn't even need to know or fear that he was near. — It was always a mystery. — Likewise, how he enjoyed feeling all your anger, confusion and, perhaps, fascination in singing a part of the song that might — or might not — be for him.
“How can you sleep or live with yourself? a broken soul trapped in a nastiest shell.”
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ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Would you fall in love with me again?
...From EPIC the Musical
❥ Heian Era!Sukuna Ryomen x fem!Reader
Or how Sukuna had come to save you, both from your captors and himself.
C.W. Mention of murder, blood, mention of torture and kidnapping
Made for Angels Birthday Event!
You hear screams before you could even see anything. Tied and bound inside a dark, damp room where you could hear each drop of blood being spilled from outside of your makeshift cage. The smell of blood and the hymn of agony permeate the air, a promise of vengeance and blood being fulfilled outside of the four walls you’ve been held captive in.
The moonlight barely illuminates the room, seeping through a small window far above you. But by now, the soft blue had turned into a raging red, the moon reflecting the carnage of which you were the center of.
Despite all the blood spilled on this cursed night, your breathing is calm, unlike the heaving breaths of the man– No, the monster in front of you.
“Sukuna.”
You whisper his name, voice hoarse from screaming mere hours ago. The four-armed beast in front of you, slathered in the thick blood of your abductors— Kneels. Kneels before your small form, still dwarfed despite his vulnerable position, a foot away from you as if his breath would shatter you into a million tiny pieces. He whispers back your own name, devotion and fear in his voice. Shaking. This time not from the thrill of bloodshed, but for fear as you see him now as what he is.
A monster.
You see it. The claws he’d use to trace idle circles on your thigh, used to rip and tear necks apart. Teeth he’d carefully graze against your pulse even as he was making rough love to you, stained with bloody remnants of what used to be human.
“I will free you.” Sukuna’s gruff voice starts, level yet detached. “And you are free to run. Run as far as you want from me.” He pauses. As if thinking of the weight of his next words, if he could ever truly stay true to them. You could feel the weight of it too, grasping at your heart as the man you love pushes you away once more. “...I will not follow.”
You blink up at him, your eyes meeting two pairs of crimson. “Why would I run?” Voice soft, wondering. Almost thoughtful. Even as the ropes that bind your hands behind your bag burn painfully at your forearms, you continue to stay understanding.
“I am not the man you fell in love with.” His voice turned cold, stating a fact he knew to be true. “I am not your kind and gentle husband. You can see that now, can’t you?” The ropes fall from your wrists, pooling on the floor. You do not run, as many would. “Now run.”
“No.”
“No?”
“No.” You shake your head, bringing your hand up to graze your husbands cheek, smearing blood on your fingers.
You remember nights where he had done the same, nights where he’d look at you with an uncharacteristic calmness in his eyes— but to you? It was all but characteristic of him. Even as you were offered up to him as a sacrifice, dressed in silk sheets and armed with nothing but a puny dagger to give you some sort of hope, he had looked at you with interest. Curiosity.
Sukuna had gotten mad sometimes, directed at you, directed at whatever else. But it never lasted long with you around. He took you in, called you his new pet and even as he swore you’d be nothing but that— you ended up his wife, his queen, that he’d never stained with blood. He turned soft, your husband that complained about you being so needy yet laying—practically purring, and content in your lap.
You had dismissed the rumors to be false, your husband was nothing if not kind, maybe a little rough on the edges, but nothing as evil as what the townsfolk had said. Propaganda, you had told him during one of your dinners together, and he had stayed eerily quiet, changing the topic with a gruff strain in his voice.
This, you presumed, was nothing. Maybe it was a touchy subject.
No, you had learned the day you were taken, this was just the truth. One that Sukuna had never wanted you to see. When masked people who called themselves sorcerers invaded your home, your husband away on business and Uraume captured and injured, you didn’t expect to be taken. No less taken and tortured for information on your husband. Through the sorcerers, your captors, you had learned the truth about your husband and what he’d done.
He probably knew that. And even if you didn’t, he was sure you saw him as nothing but a monster bathed in blood right at this moment.
You aim to prove him wrong.
“You’re still my husband.”
“I’ve killed,” He snaps back. “I’ve killed hundreds— if not thousands. Do you not understand!?” He screams, mouth pulled into a snarl of frustration as he straightens his back in a show of intimidation. Sukuna huffs, the mouth on his stomach eerily still, lips pulled into a thin line. Perhaps even it knew not to disturb this moment with its blabber. “I am not your husband.”
Your face stays calm, even as you bow your head in exhaustion. “If thats true, could you do me a favor?” You whisper. “The ring on your finger. Destroy it.”
Sukuna’s previous flicker of anger turns into a blaze, eyes widening in surprise and something akin to hurt. “Do you know what you’ve asked of me?” He rises, pulling away as he roars in anger. “The only way to destroy this— this thing,” He rips the golden band from his finger, stained with blood and the whisper of a promise. “Is for either you or I to die."
He sucks in a breath. Face contorted into the hurt of betrayal— Ironic, as he was the one to tell you to run anyway. It pisses you off.
“Only my husband knew that,” You raise your head, pushing yourself up to try and meet his height. Even on shaking legs, you stand before your husband. “So I guess that makes him you, no?!” You screech, hands clenched at your sides.
Your husband, Sukuna Ryomen, King of Curses and the man you love, could say nothing. Standing there in stunned silence at your cleverness, and at how easy the attempt he made to push you away for good simply backfired. His lips, the same pair that you had learned to kiss, stay agape as he looks down on you. He whispers your name.
“I would fall inlove with you, over and over and over again,” You huff. “No matter what kind of man you become, you are still mine. Still my husband. So shut up and take us home already!”
Sukuna knew he made a good decision marrying you. Even if taking you in was but a whim. He grins, the the widest you've seen it.
“Fine.”
A.N. Just realized I never had him ask the question itself. Oops. is it obvious this is NOT proofread at all
#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jjk scenarios#jjk drabbles#jjk angst#jjk fluff#sukuna x reader#sukuna ryomen x reader#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna x reader fluff#sukuna x you#sukuna fluff#sukuna angst#jjk sukuna#angels drabbles •°. *࿐#༊*·˚angels b-day event༉‧₊˚.
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THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM | JJK
summary. when you complain to jungkook about your lack of action in the past year, you're not really asking for a solution. but when he casually offers to help, you just can't seem to bring yourself to say no.
after all, what's the worst that could happen in hooking up just this once?
pairing: jeon jungkook x f!reader
genre: friends to lovers, smut, fluff, slight angst
word count: 7.7k
warnings: swearing, they actually talk about their feelings :0, explicit sexual content, kissing, making out, hickeys, dry humping, oral (f. receiving), multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (be smarter than them pls), a bit of banter, petnames (baby), they're really fucking cute in the end it makes me sick, let me know if i missed anything!
notes: idk if this counts as my first completed series buttt... i'm gonna act like it does. thank you so so much to all the love and support you guys have given me for the past two parts, i'm genuinely so beyond grateful for it all :<< hopefully, you guys enjoy this part too!!
ps. READ PART ONE HERE & PART TWO HERE!!
⌗ masterlist. ⌗ taglist. ⌗ feedback
You open his chat window again like it’s muscle memory. Like your thumb don't know how to not betray you.
It’s not even about sending something. You’ve got no intention of doing that. At least, that’s what you tell yourself. But the screen is always open, staring back at you with that last unread message you sent almost a week ago — a throwaway meme you found on your lunch break. No reply. Not even a reaction.
And it hadn’t felt like a big deal in the moment. You sent it like always, light and dumb and nothing. But then the nothing kept going. No little gray typing bubble. No 'lol.' No double text. No late night 'you up?' Just this wall of silence.
You would’ve rather gotten a dry reply. Hell, even a thumbs up. Anything to prove that he saw you.
But now it’s been long enough that sending something new would feel desperate. Like you’re chasing him. Like you’re asking for something you’re not even supposed to want.
You lock your phone and throw it face down on your bed.
Then pick it back up five seconds later.
Then toss it again, harder, as if that’ll prove something.
You wish you were mad. You think you are mad — at least a little. But it’s a tangled kind of anger. One that knots itself up with embarrassment and sharp, bitter shame. You want to scream at him, yeah. But also at yourself.
Why did you let this happen?
Why did you let him blur the lines and kiss you like that and touch you like he meant it?
You were supposed to be smarter than this.
You lie back across your bed with one arm flung over your eyes. It’s stupid. You know it’s stupid. It was just sex. Just two nights. Two insanely good, dangerously close, way-too-connected nights. But still — technically just sex.
Except it wasn’t.
Not when he remembered your favourite sauce order without asking. Not when he brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear while you ranted about work.
And especially not when he went cold the second things felt too good.
That’s what keeps twisting the knife. That shift in him. Like someone flipped a switch and rewrote the script. One minute, he was holding you like you mattered. The next, you were stepping out of his bathroom and into a stranger’s apartment.
You haven’t heard his voice since.
You bite the inside of your cheek and squeeze your eyes shut, trying to push down that lump of feeling before it rises too high.
It’s fine. You’re fine. You’re overthinking it.
Maybe he’s just going through something. Maybe he didn’t mean to shut you out. Maybe he thought you didn’t want to hear from him. Or maybe he’s just a fucking coward who got scared when the stakes changed.
But then, why didn’t you reach out?
Why didn’t you ask if he was okay, or tell him he was being weird, or demand an explanation like you’re owed one?
Because you’re afraid.
Because you don’t want the truth if the truth is that he regrets all of it.
Because deep down, you know this isn’t just a friendship anymore, and pretending it is would break you worse than silence.
Your phone buzzes once on the comforter beside you.
You freeze. Then sit up fast, breath catching halfway in your throat.
Your eyes are already scanning the screen before your brain can fully catch up.
Kook 🍜: hi
One word. Just hi. Like the last seven days didn’t happen. Like your stomach hasn’t been in knots trying to make sense of his silence. Like he didn’t vanish without warning after folding you into his sheets and leaving you to figure out what the hell it meant.
Your breath leaves you in one uneven exhale.
You blink at the message, your body locked in this strange stillness. Your thumb hovers, frozen. Part of you is tempted to stare at it until it disappears. Ignore it. Let him feel what it’s like to be the one left hanging. But your hands betray you again — just like they always do with him.
You: Radio silence for a week and all I get is a fucking hi? Wtf Jungkook
It’s not even what you really want to say, but it’s the closest thing you can manage that doesn’t sound like I missed you so much it made me sick or please don’t do this again.
Three dots appear.
Your heart squeezes like it’s caught in someone’s fist. And then the dots vanish.
Then come back.
Then vanish again.
You mutter, “Fucking say something,” to no one. It comes out too small, too desperate. You shut your eyes tight for a second like you can wring the feeling out of yourself by force.
A minute or so passes before his reply finally sends.
Kook 🍜: sorry. can i talk to you today?
You reread it so many times the text starts to lose meaning. Can I talk to you today?
You feel sick.
There’s no way you don’t know what this is. The phrasing. The tone. He wants to talk? What the fuck else could that mean, if not that he’s about to cut things off? That he’s going to hand you some polite little speech about how you’re great, but this can’t happen again. That he wants to stay friends and he doesn’t want to confuse things any more than he already has.
Or worse — he thinks you guys are better off cutting contact all together.
You bite down hard on your thumb, suddenly on the verge of tears and furious at yourself for it. You should’ve never let it get here. You should’ve drawn the line before the second time. Before the car. Before the party.
You should’ve been more careful with your heart.
But you’re here now. So far past the line you can’t even see it anymore.
You open your keyboard, then close it again. You want to ask what he wants to talk about. You want to demand answers over text so you don’t have to see his face when he says the words. But you know you won’t get anything that way.
You: Where?
Kook 🍜: i can come to yours
You sit there for a second, just breathing. You feel like you’re bracing for a crash that’s already midair.
You: What time?
Kook 🍜: i can be there in an hour?
You don’t answer. Not right away. You’re too busy staring at your reflection in the dark screen, wondering why your face looks so calm when your body feels like it’s trying to collapse in on itself.
You: Okay
You put the phone down carefully, like it might go off again, or explode, and turn your gaze to the ceiling. Every minute after this is going to stretch like it’s mocking you.
You don’t know if you’re getting closure or clarity. You don’t even know which one would hurt more.
But you know you won't cancel.
Because if this is going to end — if he’s going to say it — it has to be to your face. You need to see it.
You need to know for sure.
Jungkook is fucked.
Like, actually, cosmically, irreversibly fucked.
He stares at the elevator doors like they’re the gates to hell, and his own reflection in the brushed metal does him no favours. He looks tense. Jaw tight, shoulders hunched up high like he’s trying to fold himself into a more manageable version. Someone chill. Someone who isn’t about to shit himself over the thought of seeing you.
He rolls his shoulders back, shakes out his hands. Useless. He’s already sweating through his hoodie.
Every nerve in his body feels like it’s tuned an octave too high. Like if someone so much as breathes in his direction right now, he’ll either snap or confess something humiliating.
He wipes his palms on his jeans again. That’s the fourth time since the lobby.
The worst part is, he knows how he got here. He knows exactly when it happened, too — the moment the line moved.
It was your laugh. The tired kind, all cracked at the edges after that hellish Friday you had. You were curled up in his passenger seat, half out of it, feet tucked under you, and you’d looked over at him with that soft, worn-down smile.
And it just… hit him.
The weight of it. Of you.
He wanted to reach over and touch your face. Not to tease. Not to start something. Just to feel your skin under his fingers like it was allowed now.
And the second that thought formed — clear and blinding and way too tender — it was over. Game fucking over.
Because it wasn’t supposed to feel like that.
You’re his best friend. Have been for years. He knows how you take your coffee, how you organise your playlists by mood, how you chew on the inside of your cheek when you're anxious. You’re not just some girl he hooked up with at a party. You’re you.
And now, he’s standing in an elevator on the way to your apartment, trying not to think about how badly he messed it all up.
He hadn’t meant to ghost you. Not really. It was just — after that night, after the way you looked at him, all warm and trusting — he panicked. Full-body, brain-scrambling, total system failure. He couldn’t even look at you without feeling like he was seconds from saying something stupid like "Don’t sleep with anyone else, please," or "I think I’m in love with you."
So instead, he shut down. Did the one thing he always swore he wouldn’t do with you — he pulled away. Got weird. Avoided it. Avoided you.
And now you’re pissed.
Rightfully so.
He deserved that text you sent. Probably worse. You could’ve ignored him completely and he wouldn’t have blamed you. But you didn’t. You texted back and he’s clinging onto that like a lifeline. Because it means there’s still time. Still a chance to fix it — if he doesn’t blow it again.
He presses the heel of his hand to his chest like that might steady the erratic rhythm of his heart.
What the fuck is he even going to say?
Sorry for being an emotionally constipated idiot?
Sorry I ghosted you because I realised I’m in love with you and it short-circuited my whole fucking personality?
Sorry I thought I could fuck you and still keep pretending like you don’t mean more to me than anyone else?
The elevator dings.
Jungkook flinches like it slapped him, then scrubs a hand through his hair, lets out a tight breath, and steps through the doors before he can change his mind.
He’s here.
Fuck. He’s actually here.
Jungkook looks like he didn’t sleep last night. Hair messy, clothes a little wrinkled, eyes flicking up to meet yours for a second before they dart away again. His hands are shoved into the pockets of his jacket like he’s afraid of what they’ll do if left unsupervised.
You tell yourself not to feel relieved. Not to let it show. He didn’t cancel. He showed up. That shouldn’t mean as much as it does. It really, really shouldn’t.
But still — there’s something in your chest that unclenches when you see him standing there, real and present. Even if he does look like he’s about to apologise for burning down your house or something.
“Hey,” he says, voice quiet.
You step back from the door to let him in. Dry. Wordless. The move is automatic, but your body feels stiff with it, like your own muscles are annoyed on your behalf.
He hesitates before stepping inside, like he thinks the floor might swallow him up. You don't offer a smile. Don't even look at him once the door’s closed behind him.
You cross your arms and lean back against the edge of the kitchen counter, watching him with a blank expression that’s only half-real. The other half is tightly coiled under your skin — anger, sure, but under that, all the feelings you’ve been pretending not to have.
He does a slow, uncertain glance around your apartment like something might’ve changed since the last time he was here. But it hasn’t. It’s still your place. Same plants, same overhead light humming softly, same faint scent of laundry detergent that clings to the air.
He stands there awkwardly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. It’s like he doesn’t know where to put his body.
You’ve never seen him like this before. Not around you. Jungkook’s always been comfortable here. The kind of comfortable that leaves shoes by the door without asking. The kind that opens your fridge like he owns a shelf. But right now, he looks like a stranger in someone else’s house.
You let the silence stretch out. You’re waiting for him to just speak, but he doesn’t
He doesn’t even try.
Eventually, your voice cuts through the air, a little too sharp. “Jungkook, you said you wanted to talk.”
His head snaps up like he forgot that was part of the deal. Like the fact that he came here at all already cost him everything he had in reserve.
“Yeah,” he says. His throat moves when he swallows. “I do.”
You raise your eyebrows, waiting.
He opens his mouth like he’s about to start, then closes it again. Shifts his stance. Rubs the back of his neck with one hand. You catch the way his eyes flick to the floor, then back to you, then away again.
You narrow your eyes. “Well?”
He breathes out a weak, almost bitter laugh and runs both hands down his thighs, like he’s physically trying to ground himself. “I don’t know how to do this,” he mutters.
You frown, arms still crossed tight across your chest. “What? Talk?”
You hate being like this towards him — you feel like a bitch. But it’s the only way that you can stop yourself from just spilling all of your thoughts and feelings to him.
“No, I—” He breaks off, jaw flexing. “No. I mean… say the right thing. Say any of it without sounding like an idiot.”
You blink, unimpressed. “So you came here without knowing what you were gonna say.”
He looks at you then. Fully. And for the first time since he walked in, you see the real wreckage behind his eyes. There’s nothing cool or casual about it. He’s unravelling in slow motion. Everything about him is quiet desperation wrapped in someone trying really hard not to fall apart.
“I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t know what I wanted,” he says finally. “And then I figured it out, and that somehow made it worse.”
You stay silent.
He shifts closer, not by much — just a few inches. “I fucked up,” he adds, voice barely above a whisper. “I know I did. I know I disappeared. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t care. I was just—” he stops, jaw tightening again. “I got scared.”
You scoff under your breath and look away.
“I’m serious,” he says, softer now. “It freaked me out. How fast it happened. How much it changed.”
You look back at him, jaw set. “What changed?”
He swallows again. Stiff. His voice cracks a little when he speaks next.
“You,” he says again. “How I feel about you. That changed.”
Your chest tightens.
You don’t react, not visibly. You keep your face still, unreadable, even though your brain is suddenly scrambling. You’ve been yanked in too many directions this past week. You’re not going to lean into hope just because he finally decided to speak.
So you say nothing. You just hold his gaze and wait.
Jungkook takes a breath, his shoulders rising with it, then falling in a slow, deliberate exhale. The nervousness is still there — but it’s settled into something quieter now.
“I kept trying to tell myself it didn’t mean anything,” he says. “That it was just— whatever. Two friends, getting carried away. We were drunk the first time, right? It was easy to lie to myself about that. Easy to say it didn’t have to go anywhere.”
His voice is calm, but there's tension underneath it.
“But the second time?” He pauses, tongue running along the inside of his cheek, eyes still locked on yours. “That wasn’t drunk. That wasn’t casual. That was me driving us across town just to make you feel better, because I can’t stand it when you’re not okay.”
You flinch — barely — but he sees it. You know he does.
“And then it was me kissing you like I’d lose my mind if I didn’t. You think I didn’t notice how different that felt? I’ve never kissed you like that before. And I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.”
The weight of his words hangs in the air between you.
You’re still standing by the counter, arms crossed, but now your grip has loosened. You hate how much this is getting to you, how badly you want to give in, how your chest aches just hearing him say the things you’d only let yourself think when the lights were off and your phone screen was dark.
Jungkook takes another step toward you.
“When I brought you back to mine that night… when you came out of the shower, and I saw you just standing there in my space, looking at me like I was safe…” His voice catches, but not in a way that makes him crumble — just enough to show the truth of it. “I freaked the fuck out.”
You blink at him, finally speaking. “Yeah. I noticed.”
He huffs out a breath that's almost a laugh, but not quite. “I didn’t mean to shut down. I didn’t even know what I was doing in the moment. I just— everything in me wanted to pull you close, and that’s when I realised I couldn’t keep doing this the way we were doing it. Not without losing my shit every time you left.”
Your throat feels tight, but you still ask, “So you decided to ghost me instead?”
That lands. His jaw flexes, and he nods once. “Yeah. I did. I thought if I gave it space, I could go back to being normal. Go back to just being your friend. But I couldn’t. I can’t.
“I don’t want to be just your friend anymore. Not because of the sex, not because it was good— which it was, but that’s not the point. It’s you. It’s always been you. I didn’t realise how much until I almost lost it completely.”
You swallow hard. Your arms are uncrossed now. Not folded in, not defensive — just hanging at your sides like you’re too stunned to remember what to do with them.
Jungkook steps in closer. Not touching you yet. But near enough that you can smell him — faint cologne, his laundry detergent, the scent you associate with your car windows fogging up.
“I missed you,” he says, and his voice turns softer. “Every day. And it scared the shit out of me, how badly I wanted to talk to you. Touch you. Just be around you. I wasn’t ready to admit it last week, and I was a coward for that. But I’m not running anymore.”
Silence again.
Except it doesn’t feel like the ones you’ve been drowning in for a week.
“I don’t know what you’re feeling,” he says, lower now, like the words might break if he’s too loud. “And I’m not assuming anything. But if you still want me around— really want me— just say the word. I’ll figure out the rest.”
You inhale slowly, try to even out your breathing, but your chest still feels like it’s barely holding together. Your heart’s doing that thing where it thuds too hard without speeding up.
You hate that you believe him. That you always would’ve. That no matter how angry you were, no matter how cold you tried to be when he walked in — you still wanted him to explain, to prove it wasn’t what your worst thoughts told you it was.
And now he has.
He’s standing in front of you with open hands, with the words you oh so desperately wanted to hear. And for a moment, you’re not sure what to do with that.
“I hate you,” you say quietly.
It’s not true. Not even close. But it’s the first thing that leaves your mouth.
Jungkook huffs out a dry laugh, eyes dropping to the floor. “Yeah,” he murmurs, nodding. “I figured.”
You shake your head once. “No. I mean it. I fucking hate you for this. For—” You break off, because your voice is shaking now. “For making me feel like I was crazy. For not even saying goodnight after… after everything.”
His face tightens, but he doesn’t interrupt.
“You could’ve just told me,” you go on. “You could’ve said it was too much. That it got weird. That you needed time. Anything. But you disappeared. And I had to sit here wondering if I made it all up."
You pause, pressing your lips together.
“And I— I missed you too, you know,” you add, quieter this time.
His mouth opens like he might speak, but no sound comes out at first. Instead, he closes the space between you by half, slow and steady, like he’s afraid of pushing too far.
“God, you’re such an asshole,” you whisper, but your tone isn't mean. Not even close.
He laughs, soft and low. “Yeah. I know.
“You promise me you’re sure? Cause Jungkook, I will fucking cut off your dick if you pull this shit again.”
He smiles but doesn’t hesitate. “I promise. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
You stare at him.
Long enough that the air between you stretches taut, thin as thread.
His hand twitches like he wants to reach for you but still doesn’t know if he’s allowed. His jaw flexes, his chest rising and falling in uneven swells. You can tell he’s waiting — for a sign, for a go-ahead, for you.
And even though part of you still wants to be mad, still wants to make him sweat just a little longer, the rest of you aches. For his mouth. For his hands. For the solid, grounding weight of him.
So you move.
You step into the last inch of space between you and grab the front of his hoodie. He exhales like he’s been holding his breath for a year, but you don’t give him a chance to say anything.
You kiss him.
Not out of impulse. Not for show. You kiss him because you need to. Because your chest feels like it’s going to split open if you don’t.
At first, it’s quiet. Just lips pressed to lips — careful, slow. There’s a pause between each pass of your mouth over his, like you’re both trying to remember how this started. How you even got here.
But then he sighs against you — not loud, not dramatic, just a sound full of relief — and it unravels something.
His hands lift, hesitating for only half a second before they settle on your waist, fingers curling tight. You press closer, and his lips part beneath yours. The angle shifts. Your nose bumps his cheek. It’s not perfect, but it’s real, and when your tongue brushes his, everything tilts.
The sweetness melts fast.
He makes a sound low in his throat and drags you in like the distance is unbearable. Your hands slide up into his hair, fingers threading through the strands at the base of his neck, and the way he reacts — the little shiver he tries to swallow — sends heat straight down your spine.
You kiss him harder.
His body crowds yours until your back meets the wall. Not rough, not rushed. Just firm. His chest presses to yours, and you can feel the way his heart races. How your own pulse kicks up to match it.
The kiss deepens, turns messy at the edges. His teeth catch your bottom lip and your breath stutters, but you don’t pull back. You tilt your chin, chasing more, and the next time he kisses you, it’s hungrier. One of his hands slips to the small of your back, palm dragging slow and warm beneath your shirt. The skin-to-skin contact makes your whole body twitch.
You gasp into his mouth, and he swallows the sound, his hands tightening. His other arm slips around your waist completely, pulling you flush against him, and suddenly you’re not thinking anymore. You’re just feeling.
The tension that’s been bottling up between you two — the silence, the week of wondering, the ache of missing him so much it hurt — it all floods to the surface.
You fist your hands in his hoodie, yanking him impossibly closer. Your hips shift forward, just enough to brush him, and the sound he makes is sharp and involuntary, caught between a breath and a groan.
“Fuck,” he mutters, barely pulling back. His forehead presses to yours, breath ragged. “You’re driving me insane.”
You huff, lips brushing his. “That’s fair.”
Then he kisses you again. Rougher this time. Desperate in a way that makes your knees go soft.
He doesn’t stay at your mouth for long. His lips trail down — your jaw, your cheek, the shell of your ear. His breath is hot and uneven, and when he finds your neck, your whole body reacts. Your hands clutch at him, your back arches off the wall, and the soft sound that escapes your throat isn’t one you mean to make.
He feels it. Hears it. Answers it with a low, reverent sound that seems to vibrate straight through you.
His tongue traces the spot beneath your ear, slow and deliberate, and your eyes flutter shut.
Your fingers tighten in his hair, your breath catching sharp in your throat. You pull back for a second before lowering your mouth to his neck, right where the collar of his hoodie dips. He lets out a small sound, hands flexing on your waist, when your lips press there.
You start slow. You can feel his pulse under your tongue, the way his chest rises against yours, unsteady and warm. Then you part your lips and suck gently at the spot just below his jaw. His whole body stutters, hips jerking against yours before he can stop it.
Your fingers trail down his chest, tugging his hoodie collar aside for better access. His head tips back, eyes squeezed shut, lips parted.
You do it again, this time with enough pressure to leave a mark, and the sound of your mouth working against his skin is lewd.
He groans. It’s low and rough and barely held back, and the sound shoots straight between your legs. You feel him hardening now, undeniable through the fabric where he’s pressed against you.
“All mine?” you whisper, your lips brushing over the new mark you’ve left.
He doesn’t even hesitate. “All yours.”
His voice is breathless. Wrecked. And so damn certain it knocks something loose in your chest.
You pull back just enough to look at him — really look. His pupils are blown, his lips swollen, a flush climbing high on his cheeks. He looks at you like he wants to devour you. Like he would if you let him.
“I missed that mouth,” he mutters, hands gliding under your shirt again, palms broad and warm. “Missed everything.”
You kiss his throat in reply and drag your teeth across it until he swears under his breath.
His hips grind against you again, harder this time. You both feel it — the friction, the heat building between your bodies.
His arms shift beneath you and he lifts you clean off the ground in one smooth motion, hands strong under your thighs. A startled sound escapes your throat as your legs wrap around his waist on instinct, gripping him tight.
“Fuck,” he mutters again, forehead dropping to your shoulder. “I want you so bad it’s actually stupid.”
You smile, drunk on the feel of him.
“Bedroom?” you murmur, tracing your lips over the new mark blooming against his skin.
He hums lowly, and shifts his grip on your thighs.
He carries you through the hallway and your lips never leave his skin for more than a second.
When he reaches your bedroom, he doesn’t hesitate. He steps inside and drops you onto the mattress in one fluid movement.
You barely get your bearings before he’s crawling over you, slotting his body between your legs, His mouth finds yours again, and you moan into it before you can stop yourself when his knee presses between your legs.
Your hips twitch, grinding down against the pressure, and he groans in response, the sound vibrating through your chest as his mouth moves with yours. His hand slips under your shirt again, this time bolder, fingers spanning across your ribs and inching higher until his knuckles brush the curve of your breast.
You gasp softly, and he pulls back just enough to murmur, “Off.”
You sit up just enough to grab the hem of your shirt, tugging it over your head in one smooth pull, your hair mussed from the friction. He watches the fabric fall to the floor, then looks at you.
“You’re so fucking pretty," he breathes.
You roll your eyes automatically, even though your face is already burning. “Shut up.”
“I’m serious,” he says, and his voice drops low. “You have no idea what you do to me.”
His lips part and he kisses along your sternum — slow, wet presses of his mouth that trail up and then out, over the swell of one breast, then the other.
You inhale sharply when his mouth grazes the sensitive skin beside your nipple, and his eyes flick up at the sound, pupils blown. He kisses lower, then higher again, murmuring against your skin, “Can’t believe I went a week without this.”
The vibration of his voice right against your skin makes you arch, and he meets you halfway, grinding down slow and deliberate, like he knows exactly what you’re chasing and wants to stretch it out just to watch you squirm.
Your hands curl into his shoulders, nails biting down just enough to make him grunt softly into your skin. He rolls his hips again, slow and heavy, and the pressure against your core has your breath catching in your throat.
“Koo,” you whine out.
He pulls back just enough to look at you, lips pink and wet, hair falling into his eyes. He grins, crooked and hot and deeply pleased with himself.
“Yeah, baby?” he asks, and his voice is pure sin.
You glare, but your thighs shift open under him anyway.
“Please.”
He hums, satisfied, and starts working his way lower. Every kiss is wet and unhurried. Down your chest, across your stomach. His hands follow, smoothing over your ribs, down to your hips, dragging the waistband of your pants just slightly with them. His thumbs hook in the fabric, pausing right above your pelvis.
He looks up at you, smug and dark-eyed.
“Gonna let me take these off?”
He's so annoying you're gonna kill him. “Do I look like I’m stopping you?”
“No,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss just below your navel, “but I like hearing you say it.”
You huff, fingers threading into his hair again. “Take them off, Kook.”
He eases them down slowly — too slowly — dragging the fabric down your legs while his mouth follows in a path of heat and pressure. He kisses your hipbone, your inner thigh, every patch of skin he uncovers like it’s something sacred. When your panties go next, he makes a quiet sound in the back of his throat — more reverent than smug this time.
You’re already wet, already aching, and from the way his eyes flicker as he takes you in, he fucking knows it.
“Fuck,” he mutters. “You’re soaked. You missed me that much?”
You exhale hard, cheeks hot. “Shut up and do something about it.”
He grins again, slower this time. “Anything you want.”
His hands grip your thighs and spread them further apart, and before you can say another word, his mouth is on you.
The first swipe of his tongue is long, and delibirate. You jerk at the contact, a broken sound slipping from your lips, and he groans like he’s the one falling apart. His hands tighten on your hips, holding you in place, and does it again.
Every movement of his tongue is practiced and precise. He starts slow, almost gentle, licking through your folds with a kind of focus that makes your head spin. Your thighs threaten to close around his head, but he pushes them apart with ease, never breaking rhythm.
Your hands move to the back of his head, gripping tight. His tongue circles your clit once, then again, and the third time he sucks it between his lips. You try to stifle a moan, but it slips from your lips anyway.
He pulls back just enough to speak, breath hot on your skin.
“Keep making those sounds, baby,” he murmurs, voice wrecked. “Wanna hear every fucking thing I do to you.”
He movements turn faster, his mouth messy and hot and relentless. You’re already close, the build-up sharp and climbing, and he can feel it. One of his hands slips lower, spreading you open further with his thumb, and his tongue drags in tighter circles.
You’re writhing, panting, toes curling into the sheets. Your fingers tug at his hair, your spine arching off the bed.
“Fuck— Kook—” you gasp, head thrown back.
He groans again, the sound vibrating straight through your pussy. He doubles down, mouth moving faster, and when your hips start to stutter, erratic and desperate, he presses his hand over your stomach, grounding you.
“You’re gonna come for me?” he murmurs against you, mouth slick with you. “Gonna let me taste it?”
You nod frantically, unable to speak, your whole body wound tight and ready to snap.
He presses his mouth against you again, lips sucking against your clit, and the feeling has you squirming with pleasure.
“Kook—” your voice breaks open as you come hard against his mouth.
He moans, but his movements don't stop.
Your body arches helplessly, heels digging into the bed, one hand fisted in the sheets, the other still tangled in his hair as you ride out the wave. You’re gasping, blinking hard, your heart trying to punch through your ribs.
Only when your legs start to tremble uncontrollably does he finally pull back.
His lips are slick and swollen, jaw damp, hair messy from where you’ve been gripping it. And he looks wrecked — eyes heavy-lidded, pupils blown wide, like just being between your thighs has undone something in him.
He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, then drags his lips slowly up your inner thigh, leaving lazy kisses in his wake.
You’re still catching your breath, staring at the ceiling like your soul just left your body, when he plants a final kiss on the inside of your knee and murmurs, “Yeah. I’m never ghosting you again.”
You let out a breathless laugh, too blissed out to be mad. “You better not.”
“After that?” he says, crawling back up your body, slow and unhurried. “I’d be clinically insane.”
He settles over you again, pressing a warm, open-mouthed kiss to your stomach, then another between your breasts, then finally your mouth. You taste yourself on his tongue, and when he groans against your lips, it sends a fresh jolt of heat straight through you.
His body is flush against yours, his clothed cock thick and heavy where it presses against your thigh. You let your hands trail down his chest slowly to tug at the denim loops of his jeans.
"Want these off," you mumble against his lips.
He smiles and presses one last kiss to your mouth before he leans back onto his knees. His hands go to his belt, and you watch the way his fingers fumble for just a second.
He gets the buckle undone, then the zipper, the sound louder than it should be in your quiet bedroom. You watch as he shucks them down, boxers and all, and your breath catches slightly at the sight of him — flushed and hard and achingly ready.
“Better?” he asks, voice low.
You nod, breath shallow, and he’s already crawling back over you. The heat of him sinks into your skin as his body settles between your thighs, bare now.
Your legs part without hesitation.
His weight, the press of his chest to yours, the familiar scent of him wrapped in something raw and new — it all hits at once, and your whole body shivers.
He’s warm everywhere. The kind of warmth that soaks into your bones and makes you ache for more.
His hands slide along your arms until they find yours where they’re resting above your head. He threads his fingers through yours and presses them gently into the pillow, pinning you there. His eyes search yours, and you feel the first brush of him between your legs, just the tip, teasing the edge of you.
He doesn’t move yet. Just rests there, eyes locked on yours.
“You okay?” he murmurs, voice low and thick, like he’s hanging on by a thread.
You don’t answer — not with words. You just tilt your hips up, welcoming him in with nothing but a look.
He pushes in slow — painfully slow — each inch dragging fire across your nerves as your body stretches to take him. Your mouth falls open in a silent gasp, your fingers clenching around his. When he’s fully buried inside you, he stills completely.
“Fuck,” he breathes, forehead dropping to yours. “You feel… unreal.”
You can’t speak — your body’s too full, too wrecked already — so you kiss him instead. Slow and sweet and a little desperate. Your hips rock up, seeking more.
He groans into your mouth, finally starting to move, and every thrust is so fucking deep. It’s not rushed or frantic. It’s him savouring you, like he wants to remember how this feels with every part of himself.
His hands stay tight around yours, anchoring you both to the bed, to each other.
The rhythm builds, a slow burn that spreads everywhere, and between kisses you catch the way he looks at you — like he’s seeing something he’s afraid to lose. Like there’s something he wants to say but can’t yet.
“You were supposed to beg,” you manage to murmur against his mouth, breathless. “Grovel a little.”
That crooked smile curls against your lips. “My bad, baby,” he murmurs. “You can make me beg next time.”
You raise an eyebrow. “You’re gonna regret that.”
He shifts his hips, thrusting deeper, and your breath leaves you in a ragged gasp.
“You promise?”
The challenge in his voice is smug, but his eyes are dark and glassy, his control hanging by a thread. You whimper in response, thighs tightening around his waist, and he dips his head to your throat, dragging his lips along your pulse like it’s the only thing tethering him to earth.
He starts to move with more purpose now, making you feel every second of it. His cock grinds into that spot that makes your vision blur, and your whole body tenses, fingers squeezing his like a lifeline.
The moan you let out is shameless, high and wrecked, when he tilts his hips just right — again and again, like he’s carving his name into your body from the inside.
“Right there?” he murmurs, already knowing. His hand slips between your bodies, thumb finding your clit with the kind of confidence that only comes from knowing you — every reaction, every sound. “God, you’re so fucking wet. You always get like this for me?”
“Koo—” His name slips out broken, a warning and a plea wrapped in one.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers, voice ragged, forehead pressed to yours. His thrusts get rougher now, faster, the rhythm losing polish but gaining intensity. “Let me have you, baby. Come again for me.”
The words send a bolt of heat straight to your core, your whole body winding tight. His mouth crashes against yours before you can respond, tongue tangling with yours, greedy and open and honest in all the ways his words still aren’t.
When he pulls back, he’s panting, “You feel like heaven, fuck.”
You can’t even process it — not now, not when his rhythm stutters and his hips slam harder, each thrust jolting a cry from your throat. Your legs are trembling, your grip bruising where it clings to him, and you can feel the knot in your stomach tighening.
“That’s it,” he groans, watching your face like it’s the only thing that matters. “Let go for me. Let me feel you.”
You bury your face in his shoulder, teeth catching on his skin as your orgasm crashes over you. Your body locks up, thighs clenching, and you cry out his name. His hand squeezes yours back, holding you through it.
Your walls grip him tight, and he groans loud against your skin, hips faltering. “Fuck— shit—”
He thrusts once more before spilling into you with a broken sound, voice rasping your name like a prayer.
His whole body shudders as he comes, arms locked tight around you like he needs you to stay exactly where you are — here, under him, around him, real. His forehead drops to your shoulder, damp curls brushing your skin as he exhales, long and shaky.
Neither of you move right away. The air between you is thick with heat and breath and a comforting silence.
Eventually though, he shifts just enough to press a kiss to your collarbone. Then another, softer.
His hand slides along your waist, fingertips brushing lazy patterns into your skin. You hum under your breath — not a word, just a sound — and he responds by kissing your shoulder again.
Your legs are still tangled together. His body still half-draped over yours. There’s a mess between your thighs and sweat clinging to your skin, and you should probably say something, anything — but there’s something sweet about the silence now. It’s soft. Unspoken. Peaceful, in a weirdly intimate way.
He shifts again, easing out of you with a quiet groan, and you wince a little at the loss.
“Sorry,” he murmurs, running a hand gently over your thigh like an apology.
“It’s fine,” you breathe, eyes closed, chest still rising and falling too fast.
He doesn’t go far. Just rolls to the side, still close enough that his leg stays pressed against yours, and reaches for the blanket to pull it up over you both. He tugs you into his chest like second nature, burying his nose in your hair, his hand stroking absently up and down your arm.
“You good?” he asks softly, lips brushing your temple.
“Yeah,” you say, quieter now. “You?”
He pauses. Then he nods against your skin. “Yeah. More than.”
You lay there like that for a while, heartbeats evening out. He’s still drawing shapes on your skin — fingertips slow, mindless — and you smile to yourself, warmth blooming low in your stomach.
“So,” you murmur eventually, voice still hoarse. “What now? We high-five and call it a night?”
He huffs a laugh into your hair. “I mean, I wouldn’t say no to a high-five.”
You laugh, nudging him with your shoulder. “Cocky.”
“Confident,” he corrects, grinning. “But really—” He shifts a little so he can see your face, one hand reaching up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “If we’re doing this, I wanna do it right.”
You blink, caught off-guard by the sudden sincerity in his voice. “Do what right?”
He raises an eyebrow, like it should be obvious. “Us.”
There’s a pause. You look at him, and he looks at you, and it’s terrifying and sweet all at once.
“I really like you,” he says, quieter this time. “And I’m not just saying that because I just got laid.” He cracks a small smile. “Though, to be fair, that was mind-blowing.”
You snort. “So humble.”
“I’m serious,” he says, nudging your nose with his. “I’ll take you out. I’ll plan dumb dates. I’ll be obnoxiously charming and show up with flowers. I’ll be— like— a gentleman, or whatever.”
You give him a look. “You should’ve done all that before you fucked me.”
His grin spreads. “Yeah, well. Guess I got the order wrong. You gonna hold that against me?”
“Maybe,” you say, lips twitching.
“I’ll make it up to you,” he says, fingers brushing your cheek. “You’ll see. I’ll be so romantic it’ll make you want to punch me.”
“I already want to punch you.”
“And yet,” he says smugly, pulling you closer, “you’re still in my bed.”
“This is my bed, dumbass.”
He pauses. “Okay, fair. But I am naked in it. With you.”
You roll your eyes, but the smile on your face won’t go away. His arm tightens around your waist, and you let yourself relax into it — into him. For once, it doesn’t feel like something to second-guess.
He kisses your forehead, then your cheek, then the corner of your mouth.
You tuck your face into his neck and sigh. “You better bring the good flowers. Like the ones that don’t die in two days.”
“Oh, so now you’re picky?”
“You said dates and flowers. I’m holding you to it.”
“Noted,” he says, fingers threading into your hair. “I’m gonna be so disgustingly good to you.”
You laugh softly into his skin.
And he just holds you tighter.
⌗ masterlist. ⌗ taglist. ⌗ feedback
#bts#bts fanfic#jeon jungkook#bts jeon jungkook#jungkook#bts jungkook#jungkook smut#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#bts smut#bts fluff#bts angst#jungkook x reader#bts x reader#jungkook x oc#bts x oc#jungkook x you#bts x you#jungkook x y/n#bts x y/n#jungkook imagine#jungkook fanfic#jungkook drabble#jungkook oneshot#jungkook scenarios#bts imagine#bts oneshot#bts drabble#bts scenarios#studiosev7n
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I dont remember seeing something like this, but how do you think the boys would react to their crush walking in on them jacking off?
Could be headcanons or a short fic/scenario idk have fun with this or just ignore it.
:P
Anon, I'm sure you probably thought this would be something cute, sweet, and fluffy...and I went and made it smutty. Won't lie, anon, my brain saw the way forward, and it was naughty. So...have fun! I know I did!
For the masterlist and how to submit your own request, click HERE
Task Force 141 x Female Reader
Content & Warnings: masturbation, mutual masturbation, cum swallowing, oral sex, hand jobs, piv sex, creampie, swearing, dirty talk
Word Count: 1.3k
ao3 // main masterlist // imagines & what if masterlist
John Price
Price is alone, which is why he feels safe in easing the tension.
A lone lamp on the corner of his desk illuminates just enough of the small office to see by. Price is slouched in his chair, legs spread and relaxed, the front of his pants open. He fists his cock, eyelids heavy as he replays the events of the day.
You’re a sweet thing, but off-limits to him. Every smile and playful wink send blood rushing to his dick. He can’t help himself. Price is enamored with you.
And because he’s lost in your image, too focused on imagining your pussy as his hand, Price doesn’t notice when you enter his office.
It’s the inhale that gives you away. A sharp surprise that has Price’s hand stilling.
Price coughs. Clears his throat. “Sorry. I didn’t—”
“Don’t,” you murmur, hand slightly raised.
Price freezes, his brain stuttering out as you gracefully glide across the floor, coming around the side of his desk. Your gaze lingers on his face before it drops to his groin. You lick your lips, and Price nearly groans at that hungry glint.
Slowly, you sink to your knees. “Keep going,” you say in that breathy tone.
This time, Price’s muscles melt, becoming putty, answering of their own accord. Holding your gaze, he strokes himself, a tightness forming at the base of his spine. When you lean forward, and present your open mouth, Price loses all control.
A few more strokes and ropes of cum hit your extended tongue. Your eyes shine with lust. The tip of your tongue curls to lick up the few remaining drops. Price decides right then. Before you leave, he’s taking you on the desk.
John "Soap" MacTavish
Keys in the deadbolt. Shopping bags in hand. You’re home a bit early, but that’s fine. Johnny, your roommate, shouldn’t be here. But as you enter the living room, everything freezes—grinds to a halt. Johnny is completely fucking naked, and he’s—
Johnny groans your name, head tilted back to rest on the lip of the sofa, his hand around his cock stroking rapidly. You nearly trip over your own feet as you stumble to a stop. The crinkle of the grocery bags fills the room, and Johnny bolts upright, standing quickly, alert and on edge, gaze darting everyone before landing on you.
“Fuck,” he says, just as you exclaim, “Oh my God.”
Every taut muscle is on display. Sure, you’ve eyed him a few times, but you’ve always kept your distance. Been respectful. But you’re salivating over this specimen before you, gaze falling to his erect penis that juts up toward the ceiling.
“Like what you see, lass?” he coos, and your pussy immediately clenches.
Your face grows hot. “I—”
“Put those bags down. Come here,” he says in that same, sultry timbre. Johnny fists the base of his cock.
You promptly drop the bags and take a step forward, unsure of why you’re complying except that your pussy is eager that you are.
“That’s it,” he praises as you draw close. “Stop right there.” You halt, gazing down at him as he spreads himself wide for your viewing pleasure. “Take it off.” Your workout clothes you went to the store in are gone in an instant. “Sit. Spread those legs for me.”
You sink down next to him on the sofa, leaning against the armrest as you open for him.
“Fucking hell, lass. I’ve been wanting to see you like this for ages.” You preen under that praise, wanting nothing more than to please him. “Play with your clit,” he instructs.
As you swirl a finger around that sensitive bud, Johnny starts to masturbate, his gaze locked onto your pussy. “Beautiful. Fucking perfect,” he murmurs.
The two of you move together, and when you dip one finger into your pussy, Johnny’s eyelids flutter, and the moan he releases his downright feral.
With his other hand, Johnny cups his balls, squeezing them slightly as he fucks up into his hand. Another thrust, and then ropes of cum spurt onto his chiseled stomach.
Simon "Ghost" Riley
Simon pretends that it’s a mistake, that he didn’t plan for this to happen. But he’s a selfish bastard, and you’re the woman he’s been lusting after for months. He knew you’d walk in. Knew you’d join in if he remained confident and steadfast in his actions.
Now, here you are. Watching. Staring. Engrossed in the way Simon pleases himself.
“You want me, love? Because I want you,” he croons.
The sweetest thing about it is how you saunter over to him, nodding in eagerness, discarded your clothes like they burn your skin. No. Not a crush any longer. A lover. That’s what you are now, and Simon intends to keep you.
Simon continues to stroke himself, forcing you to stay on your knees—forcing you to watch as he brings himself closer to release. You lick your lips, admiring every stroke and touch, and that is enough to bring him closer.
“In my lap,” he growls, his voice throaty and gruff.
You staddle him, and then Simon is easing you down onto his cock. It won’t be long. Just a couple quick thrusts. And that is all it takes. Simon grips your hips, holding you down on him as he coats your pussy with his cum.
“That was for me,” he murmurs, lips brushing over yours. “Now it’s your turn.”
Kyle "Gaz" Garrick
Kyle is naked from the waist down, his joggers bunched around his ankles, his hand fisting his cock. You’re enthralled by the sudden surprise of finding him this way. You knocked on his door, heard a grunt, and thought that meant you should come in.
Clearly, it wasn’t. Clearly, Kyle’s grunt was one of pleasure and not an invitation.
Even standing there as you are, you believe that you haven’t been noticed, that Kyle does not detect your presence. But the smallest gasp escapes you as a pearly bead of cum blooms in the slit, and a sharp desire to lick it up emerges forth without coaxing.
Kyle’s eyes snap open, his entire body tensing as the two of you lock gazes.
“Fuck,” he mutters, sitting up, glancing around like he’s not sure what to do next. “Sorry.”
“No,” you reply. “No. It’s fine, Kyle. I intruded.” Instead of reaching for his pants, he grabs the pillow, covering himself. “Don’t stop on my account.” The words fall from your lips easily.
Kyle glances up in surprise. “You…”
“I shouldn’t have said that,” you murmur, taking a step back.
“Wait,” and his voice is a sharp command. His gaze is serious. Pointed. “Come here.”
Liquid heat swells, urging you forward, urging you on until you’re standing directly in front of him. Kyle removes the pillow and you reach out, fisting his cock.
“Can I?” you ask, and Kyle nods with a groan.
You gently fist him, pumping slowly, watching in fascination as more precum emerges from the tip. Your head dips, tongue sliding over the slit. Kyle shudders, and your pussy grows wet. As your lips suction onto the head, you forget the earlier embarrassment. Taking more each time you come down, the room fills with the wet glide of your mouth around his cock and Kyle’s moans.
You’ve dreamed about this. Dreamed about him. And clearly, he has too, because Kyle is whispering your name, raining praises onto you that makes your cunt clench with anticipation. Another good suction and Kyle explodes down your throat, coating the inside of your mouth with cum.
You lick him clean, then wipe up the remains around the corner of your mouth with your thumb.
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Golden [B. R.]
Bob Reynolds (Sentry) x fem!reader
wc: 3k
summary: Bob loves you, but he'd never dare say it. Unfortunately, all these repressed feelings fuel Sentry, who decides to do something once and for all.
masterlist part 2 part 3
The house was silent, broken only by the soft murmur of music coming from the cell phone by the sink. A slow, nostalgic piano floated between the shelves as if trying not to disturb anyone. You were barefoot, already in your pajamas—a faded thigh-length T-shirt and athletic shorts—with your hair tied haphazardly and a wooden spoon in your hand. You were making yourself something simple for dinner, not really hungry, as if it were a requirement your body had to fulfill.
Outside, the night hung heavy on the windows, thick and starless. Even though it was cold, your thick socks helped you bear it.
After a while, you had company in the kitchen. You didn't see the person, of course, but you could strangely feel their presence as if the entire room had been impregnated with that essence. The music continued to play, but it no longer filled the space; now it seemed like a distant echo, unable to compete with the sudden density of the air.
Then you felt it: the faint creak of wood under their weight as they rested an arm on the bar, right next to you. They didn't say anything at first; they just stood there, too close, so motionless that for a second you thought you'd imagined it. The warmth emanating from their body contrasted with the cold outside, and the scent—clean, almost electric—confirmed that you weren't alone.
“Hey,” you heard close to your ear, barely above a whisper.
Their voice made you turn your head immediately. You recognized him instantly, of course you did. It was Bob. His body, his silhouette… but not his posture. He was more upright, as if he weighed less. More relaxed. And he was looking at you. Not shyly, not as if he were waiting for your permission, but as if he already knew he was welcome.
What disconcerted you most was the color of his eyes. They shone a liquid gold, soft but impossible to ignore, as if something very ancient and powerful had peeked out from beneath his skin. The proximity made you notice them immediately.
“Bob...” you said softly, unsure whether to ask or affirm. You still held the spoon tightly. The aroma of dinner still wafted through the air, but everything else had stopped. “What are you doing here?”
“I went out to get a glass of water and found you here. That's all.”
“Your… your hair,” you stammered, barely reaching out to stroke a strand of hair, “what did you do to it?”
It was blonde, but not that horrible fake yellow shade Valentina had dyed it a few months ago. This time, his hair looked like it had been kissed by the sun, a color so golden it resembled one of those cherubs portrayed in old paintings. You could also swear it looked a few inches longer than you remembered.
“Don’t you like it?” he exclaimed. The question didn’t sound uncertain, as it should have, but rather amused. “I think it suits me.”
“Yes, you look… you look great, but why did you do it?”
He didn't respond immediately. His attention shifted to what you were cooking, with an almost unusual interest. He leaned a little closer over the counter, just enough to better observe the contents of the pot without invading your space too much... although you felt the warmth of his proximity extending like an invisible line between the two of you.
“What are you doing?” he asked softly, as if the question were more intimate than it should be.
“Nothing, just… something quick for dinner,” you replied, not quite looking at him. You tried hard to sound casual, even though you knew your cheeks had heated a little without permission.
He nodded slowly, his gaze fixed on your hands as you rummaged. He didn't talk like Bob. He didn't move like Bob. And yet, there he was, standing next to you, wearing those wrinkled plaid pajama pants and a T-shirt you'd seen on him before at the back of his closet; the cover of Radiohead's single, Creep, printed on black. Everything was recognizable, but not familiar.
Suddenly, his hand slowly reached out to take a pinch of what you'd left on the cutting board and brought it to his mouth, still looking at you. He did so with disconcerting ease, as if you always shared these kinds of moments.
“Smells good,” he murmured, and for a second, the way he said it didn’t seem to refer to food.
You looked at him, still trying to understand what part of him that was. Because if that was Bob… why did he make you feel like you were a fixed point in his orbit?
“Does your head hurt?” you asked, still unsure. Your voice sounded different, as if it didn't quite come from you.
"No"
"Are you okay?"
A giggle escaped his lips.
“I am,” he assured you. Prompted by your inquisitive eyes, he added, “Don’t worry. You know me, you’ve seen me before.”
The way he spoke to you made you believe he wasn't your friend you were chatting with. He knew you, yes, but he was behaving very differently than usual. The realization hit you suddenly.
“Sentry?”
The name left your lips like a crack in the air. And although he didn't flinch or look away, you saw that faint flicker of acceptance in his eyes. As if you'd finally said what he'd been waiting for since he'd entered the room.
“I was hoping you’d notice sooner,” he said calmly, though not reproachfully.
He didn't sound proud. He didn't sound embarrassed. Just… confident. A confidence that Bob didn't know existed, but was natural to him.
“You weren’t supposed to come out,” you murmured, barely audible, as if naming the abnormality could reverse it. “Bob still doesn’t know how to control you.”
He shrugged with an almost elegant fluidity.
“I don’t need him to control me,” she replied immediately. “I’m not dangerous. In fact, it turns out I'm everything he wants to be."
You remained silent for a second, watching him intently. You didn't know if it was wise to call someone else, walk away, or try to figure out what had brought him to light.
“Don’t fear me,” he continued, as if he had read the doubt in your eyes. “I would never hurt you.”
“Why are you here?” you mumbled. Your back was to the counter, and he was standing in front of you, watching you. “Is Bob okay?”
“Of course,” he smiled at you. His gaze made you feel nervous. “It’s just… he was daydreaming about you. So I thought I’d intervene.”
You froze. When you finally managed to stammer out a response, you asked him to explain what he was talking about.
“I just want to see you up close. He’s watching you the whole time like he’s afraid of breaking you.”
The phrase—and the way he said it—confused you. Why would he have had to show up to get a close look at you? What did that even mean?
Why did it have to be him and not Bob?
“You’re his constant thought, did you know that?” he murmured calmly. “For better or for worse.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“He always worries about you. He wants to be good for you, to improve, to leave behind those weaknesses that torment him. But everything he keeps quiet when he sees you walk by, when you laugh near him, when you touch him… he throws it all at me.”
His voice didn't rise in pitch. It wasn't demanding. It didn't crack. But there was an undercurrent, a weariness so deep it reached your chest.
“And honestly, I feel like it kills me a little more every day.
“I can’t understand you,” you faltered. “Do you mean that he-you are… in love with me?”
A stifled laugh was heard in his throat.
“Obsessed, that's the term I'd give it. But yes, let's say so.”
Sentry didn't look at you like someone expecting a reaction. He didn't seem to be looking for shock value. He was just... saying it. As if saying it out loud would take a weight off his shoulders.
You feared you were delirious. The moment was so sudden and unexpected that it was the only explanation that made sense to you.
“I just thought it was time to let you know,” Sentry continued. “Because he won’t. At least not anytime soon.”
He took a step closer, slow, careful, but not hesitant. His movements were confident, as if he wasn't afraid of rejection, but of breaking something delicate.
His fingers brushed the edge of the bar, right where you'd placed the spoon seconds before. He didn't pick it up. He just rested his fingertips there, as if he needed to anchor himself to something real.
Then he reached out with his other hand toward you, very slowly, and with the backs of his fingers, he barely caressed your cheek. It wasn't an invasive caress. It was… careful. Too careful, as if he feared that you, too, were part of the same fracture he was carrying.
His touch was warm.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, his voice lower. More intimate. “You’re sweet. Attentive. I understand why he’s going crazy for you.”
And you wanted to say something, anything. But his presence weighed more than your thoughts. You didn't know if it was the tone or the content of his words, but something inside you tensed.
You didn't back down. You didn't touch him either. But your gaze dropped to his hand, still suspended in the air, as if you'd suddenly realized the moment had crossed an invisible line.
He noticed it. Of course he noticed it.
“But you’re not ready,” he said, without annoyance.
He didn't sound disappointed, or impatient. He said it as a logical conclusion. An observation. He slowly withdrew his hand, but didn't move away. He just looked down, as if the gesture of touching you had been more for him than for you.
You were in shock, trying to understand what was happening and waiting for his next move.
“I’m not asking you for anything,” he added after a moment. “I didn’t even come looking for anything. I just needed you to see me. To know that I exist beyond fear.”
Your throat closed a little, and your voice barely held as you replied:
“I… don’t know what to tell you.”
Sentry nodded, once, without drama. His golden eyes softened slightly, though the glow remained, pulsing, like a subtle warning that this form of him wasn't human. Not quite.
“You don’t need to say anything. Not now.” For a second, he was silent. “Sometimes Bob stares at the door for hours, wondering if you’ll ever show up.”
The phrase disarmed you more than you expected. You knew him. Not in words, but in actions. In the way Bob avoided eye contact when you greeted him. In the way he seemed to go silent when you sat down near him. In the way he always had something in his hands to pretend he was busy.
Sentry still watched you, patient. Almost serene.
“And all this stuff you’re saying… Does he feel it? Don’t you?”
“Both,” he explained softly. “But if you’re wondering who wants you more, then it would be me.”
You swallowed, looking at him with some surprise. You hadn't asked that, but he'd thought it prudent to mention it. He could have told you he cared or sought your closeness, but no. He said he wanted you.
“Is that why you came looking for me?”
Your voice was a whisper, gently caressing his ears. You no longer seemed scared, but curious, and that stirred something else in the God who watched you intently.
Sentry didn't answer immediately. He lowered his gaze for a moment, as if your question was too intimate even for him. And when he came back from his thoughts, his eyes had not lost their golden glow, but his expression had softened.
“I only came because… I couldn’t stay without doing it.”
His fingers closed in a slight gesture, as if he had wanted to touch you again and held back at the last second.
“Do you know what it feels like to carry something inside that doesn’t quite belong to you?” he asked, not looking at you directly. “A memory. A longing. An image repeated over and over again. And you didn’t create it, you didn’t dream it, but you feel it. It pulls you in. It transforms you.”
You looked at him silently, recognizing in his words not only the intensity of his existence, but the fragility behind it. As if he couldn't sustain himself for long away from Bob's shadow.
“You’re in him,” he continued. “In all his days. In every damn attempt to ignore you. In every night he forces himself not to knock on your room. In all those moments when he has to hold back as if your gaze doesn’t completely disarm him.”
The intensity of his voice didn't rise, but it became thicker. More tangible.
“I don't have their filters,” he admitted, “nor their fears. And if I'm here, it's because Bob wanted it so badly… that I didn't know how to stay silent anymore.”
It wasn't a confession, not quite. It was more like an inevitable outburst. And he was still there, so close, it was hard to think.
“I don’t know if this is real… or if I’m just feeling what you need me to feel.”
“It's very real”
His silence wasn't empty. It was the suppressed sound of something that wanted to explode but didn't dare. The gold in his eyes flickered like a flame about to go out... or burn out completely.
You felt it. Not for what he did, but for what he didn't do.
The way his eyes dropped to your mouth a second longer than necessary. The slight tremble in his breath as he stared at you without blinking. The way his body tilted, barely perceptible, as if the space between you was an obstacle eating him away from the inside.
He didn't touch you. He didn't say anything. But the desire was there, suspended between you both, as clear as the heat between two bodies that aren't touching.
And you, for the first time, didn't back down.
Your lips parted, not in invitation, but in surprise. There was something reverent about him. As if he were approaching you not as a man, not even as a god, but as an echo. Like someone who had been sensing you for too long in another skin, in another mind, in another contained love.
He knew it then. What he saw in your eyes. Not fear, not rejection. Just the certainty that if he did it, something would change forever. In you. In Bob.
Sentry didn't move anymore.
His lips curved into a small, sad smile. One of those that doesn't seek comfort, but acceptance.
“Now that you know… Will you wait for him? Until he’s ready?”
You nodded, out of inertia. The proximity made you feel dizzy, as if his energy were consuming you entirely, and the only thing left in you was that desire for him to finish what he started.
His beauty was nothing like Bob's. He was shy, discreet, cautious in his gestures. Sentry forced you to look at him. Not by imposition, but by nature. Because you couldn't help it. There was something about him that overwhelmed your senses, something that seemed made of light and gravity, and all of it pushed you to the edge of something you couldn't name.
There was no touch. No unnecessary words. Just that suspended instant in which your whole body understood that he could have touched you, and you would have allowed it. Not because he demanded it, but because there was something in you that had already given in without you realizing it.
You didn't know if it was the way he looked at you or how he seemed to be contained within himself, as if the universe were splitting open in his chest, but for a moment you stopped thinking.
You contemplated him as one contemplates something sacred. Not as one desires, but as one recognizes.
And that's where you truly felt it: divinity in its purest form. Not that of miracles or light, but that of the abyss. Of contained fire.
“I’ll go,” he exhaled. He allowed himself to caress your face one last time. “I don’t want Bob to lose his temper. I just… wanted you to know how much you mean. To both of us.”
He took a step back, and you instantly missed his warmth. You found a certain acceptance in his eyes, as if he knew his time had come to an end. It felt as if that version of himself couldn't last much longer in your presence without fading away.
“Can I ask you something?”
"Yeah?"
“Don’t hate him if he doesn’t remember tomorrow,” he said softly. You knew he was referring to Bob. “It’s not that he doesn’t want to do it. It’s that he can’t handle it.”
And with that last truth, he left.
There were no lights, no sounds. Only the faint emptiness left behind by an intense presence as it retreats. And you, standing in the kitchen, dinner cooling on the stove and your heart beating too close to your throat, realized that something inside you had just changed, too.
You didn't know if everything would be back to normal the next day.
But you knew, with absolute certainty, that you hadn't imagined it.
Although a part of you—the most rational, the most scared—would like to believe that it had all been a dream, a delusion, a fantasy brought on by tiredness or your own badly buried feelings.
Because in the end… was it Sentry who came to you?
Or Bob, in a form that even he doesn't understand?
You didn't know. And you probably never would. But the echo of his voice, the warmth of his presence, the weight of that gaze... that was real.
You couldn't tell anyone. Not because they wouldn't believe you, but because there was no way to explain it without breaking them, without exposing them to criticism. And because, at the same time, you were afraid it might break you a little too.
It had to become a secret. There was no other alternative.
taglist: @littlemsbumblebee @qardasngan
#bob reynolds#sentry#the void#bob reynolds x reader#sentry x reader#bob reynolds fanfic#thunderbolts fanfic#bob reynolds x you#thunderbolts#the new avengers#the new avengerz#lewis pullman#thunderbolts fluff#bob reynolds fluff#sentry fluff#robert reynolds#robert “bob” reynolds
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future wife some soft moments with lando that he has been waiting for years
GUYS I LOVE THEM SM OKAY IM SO SOFT FOR THEM
Lando wakes up slowly, sunlight filtering through his curtains. For a moment, he's confused about why he feels so content, then he remembers - you stayed over last night. His girlfriend stayed over. You, YN Russell, his girlfriend of exactly one month, stayed at his place.
He reaches for you, but finds your side of the bed empty though still warm. He's about to panic when he hears soft humming from his kitchen.
He follows the sound and stops dead in his doorway, breath catching in his throat.
You're standing at his coffee maker, wearing nothing but his shirt from yesterday, the hem hitting mid-thigh. Your hair is messy from sleep, early morning sunlight making you glow as you hum quietly to yourself while measuring coffee grounds.
It's such a simple moment, so domestic and ordinary, but it nearly brings him to his knees.
"I've been waiting so long for this," he whispers without meaning to.
You turn, startled, then smile when you see him. "For coffee?"
"For you," he says softly, still staring at you like you might disappear. "For this. For... everything."
Your expression softens. "Lando..."
"Do you know how many times I've imagined this?" he steps closer, voice thick with emotion. "You in my kitchen, in my shirt, making coffee like you belong here? How many times I've dreamed about waking up to you?"
"Baby..."
"I used to joke about it," he continues, reaching for you. "About you being my future wife, about how we'd have mornings like this. But I never really thought..." his voice catches, "I never really believed I'd actually get to have this."
You set down the coffee scoop and wrap your arms around his neck. "Well, you better believe it now. Because I plan on stealing your shirts and making coffee in your kitchen for a very long time."
"Yeah?" his hands settle on your waist, thumbs stroking the soft material of his shirt.
"Yeah," you smile. "Though maybe next time I'll wear the papaya orange shirt, since you love that color so much."
His eyes light up. "Really?"
"No," you laugh. "Never. But your face got all excited for a second there."
"Tease," he pouts, but his hands tighten on your waist. "You know, this isn't very nice behavior from my future wife."
"Still not your wife."
"Yet," he grins, then sobers slightly. "But you will be, right? Someday?"
Your heart melts at the hint of vulnerability in his voice. "Of course I will. Who else would put up with your papaya orange obsession?"
"It's a great color!"
"It's really not," you laugh, then kiss him softly. "But I love you anyway."
He freezes. You freeze too, realizing what you just said.
"I mean..." you start to backtrack, but he cuts you off with a desperate kiss.
"Say it again," he whispers against your lips when you break apart.
"I love you," you say softly. "I think I have for a long time."
His whole face lights up like sunshine. "I love you too. God, I love you so much. I've loved you for so long I don't remember what it feels like not to love you."
You kiss him again, coffee forgotten as he lifts you onto the counter.
"You know what this means?" he murmurs between kisses.
"What?"
"Now you definitely have to let me paint our future house papaya orange."
You pull back to look at him. "That is not what this means."
"But you love me," he grins. "You just said so."
"Not enough for orange walls."
"We'll see," he says confidently. "I can be very persuasive."
"Oh really?"
"Really," he steps between your legs, hands sliding under his shirt on your thighs. "Want me to demonstrate?"
Your breath hitches. "The coffee..."
"Can wait," he finishes, lifting you off the counter. "I have more important things to do."
"Like what?"
"Like showing my future wife exactly how persuasive I can be."
"Still not your wife," you remind him, but you're already wrapping your legs around his waist as he carries you back to bed.
"Yet," he grins against your neck. "Yet."
#lando norris#lando norris x reader#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 fluff#f1 imagine#lando norris imagine#lando norris fluff#ln4 x you#ln4 x reader#ln4#harrysfolklore#lando norris writing#lando norris fanfiction#formula 1 x reader#f1 x reader#f1 fanfiction#f1 smau#lando norris smau
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all these rumours
paige bueckers x azzi fudd
masterlist
summary: times azzi was sick of subtle and quiet hints and attempts to hard launch with her longtime best friend and girlfriend. frustration and chaos ensues however, when she fails. multiple. times.
a/n: thank u for ur patience once again lovelies 🥹 im still gonna edit this but this is my longest one shot ever so i hope it’s still enjoyable 😭 tell me ur thoughts <3
azzi knew more or less that there was a hefty price to pay for the dream life she chased.
she knew that eventually, the talent she’s harnessed and worked on for years would pay off – that the world would know what she could do. who she could be.
picture perfect form, unshakable morals, a humble yet competitive spirit.
that was who azzi fudd is. the kind of basketball player kids dreamed to be.
and she got it – she has what she’s worked so hard to do all her life. she got in the basketball capital of the world, she had a team that felt more like family, friendships that grounded her, people she’d bleed for.
and somehow, in the middle of all of that—she fell in love.
people were always stunned when she told the story. the story of how she met her soulmate, her twin flame, her everything.
paige bueckers.
every bit of a great athlete azzi is. she led with a kind of love and passion for not only the game, but for the people she played with. she had the kind of faith that swayed you, and a personality that left everyone wanting more.
and really, azzi understands. she understands why the internet obsessed over every interaction they had. every glance, touch, every shared laugh. they were absolutely enamored with their dynamic.
she understands cause she was living it.
she found a lover in her best friend. and god, azzi could never forget how softly their relationship had blossomed. how gently they had crossed the line between platonic and romantic. she remembers the soft confessions, the nervous first date, the jealousy they felt as they tried to hide from each other throughout their highschool careers.
she remembers how tough it was for paige had to watch azzi go with a boy to prom, and for azzi to watch as the media spun narrative after narrative of paige’s latest rumored boyfriend.
a hundred moments they had to swallow their love and smile like it didn’t sting.
but when azzi got to uconn, everything changed.
they were no longer living parallel lives — they were living the same one. suddenly it wasn’t just about quiet stares and lingering touches. it was about navigating something real, something tangible. they had a much harder time trying to bury their affections for each other. hands lingered a little longer than necessary, stares burned in a way that friends definitely did not do.
they tried to hide it. they really did.
nonetheless, everyone caught up to it pretty quick.
including their coaches and staff.
and safe to say they had a very thorough talk about media training and deal that yes – there was no rule that they couldn’t date, but it had to be very quiet, down low.
and it was easy.
kinda.
they were surrounded by the best team mates, who supported them through thick and thin. who, sure, maybe gagged at their quick kisses and cuddles during move nights or quick embraces in locker rooms before a game. but through it all, even with the chaos, azzi was content. grateful, even.
but now?
now it was different. they weren’t teammates anymore. they weren’t under the same roof, with the same jersey, following the same rules.
and azzi, has quiet as she had been during their years in uconn, was absolutely dying to show off her girlfriend.
because why not?
she can now.
and she was so damn ready.
–
forget about ending it with a bang, they started it with a bang.
the 2025 draft was much anticipated, not only for the fates of their future rookies in the league, but for the fashion, the glitz, the glamour.
and azzi?
she made damn sure she showed up. she pops out in the glittery black dress that hugs her curves perfectly, with her hair styled in curls that cascaded down the expanse of her bare, toned back.
and she came with a statement to make.
she made sure to stay by paige’s side for photos, smiling at her in a way that no longer held back adoration. heart eyes, the fans said. she posed for pictures as paige wrapped her hand around her waist, smiling with a love-sick, dopey grin that only fueled the flutter of butterflies in her stomach.
and if that wasn’t enough, she smiled to herself victoriously as she settled down in her very own seat.
in paige’s table.
she smiled knowingly, already anticipating the craze that is their fans, knowing that some of them doubted she would be there. she was excited to stir chaos, to send the clear message that she’s been by her girlfriend’s side and she’s here to stay. that no matter where she goes, she’ll always be close to follow.
her name wasn’t being called yet, but she looked like the proudest person in the room when paige’s was.
but to her surprise, as the night settled down and they returned to paige’s hotel room, it still wasn’t enough.
she remembers being tangled up in hotel sheets, bare underneath the covers as she ran her fingers through her tussled hair. the night had been nothing but hectic, and she half expected paige to pass out by the time they entered their hotel room with the amount of media, socialisation, and tequil shots she had downed in celebration of her draft night.
safe to say, the night had in fact not gone down that road, and instead ended with paige’s hands wandering and azzi not being able to resist.
cause who was she to deny her number one pick girlfriend? she couldn’t – not when she wanted it just as much. not when paige mouthed at her neck, whispering thanks and gratitude and confessions in a way that made azzi’s heart skip a beat and ignited a warmth in her stomach. she remembers the way paige had glanced up at her from between her legs, looking up as if she was the one who had been drafted. she remembers the gentleness, the passion, and the silent promises between each kiss and each release.
“you okay there baby?” paige had said as she exited the bathroom, her loose button up long gone as she climbed into bed again, quickly wrapping azzi into a warm embrace as she breathes in her scent.
“hm.” she hummed, setting down her phone by her pillow. she was scrolling through social media while paige had gone to clean up, and much to her dismay, her message still wasn’t clear to some.
she reached up to plant a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s lips. “saw some people saying we were ‘bff goals.’” she scrunched her nose, bringing a quiet giggle from paige.
“is that a bad thing?” paige laughs softly, brushing away azzi’s hair to kiss her forehead.
azzi gasped.
“what kinda best friend sits at a draft table and gets hugged first?” azzi shook her head, as if personally offended. “i am very obviously your girlfriend, thank you.”
paige just laughs, eyes fond as azzi sinks deeper in her embrace.
“let’s try again then.”
–
she’d kept the hints going, subtle but steady, while paige threw herself into her rookie season.
likes on tiktok edits, continuously coming to her games, even helping paige settle in texas barely a day after they had been “separated.”
the big one came unexpectedly, on a regular thursday afternoon.
she’d been cleaning her room, hair pulled up and sleeves rolled to her elbows, with paige propped up on facetime. on screen, paige was standing in front of her bathroom mirror, rambling about practice and the new weight room, her voice bright as she pulled her hair into a sleek ponytail.
azzi half-listened. mostly, she stared.
her eyes were fixed on the way paige’s biceps flexed when she tightened her ponytail. the gloss of her lips as she applied balm. the arch of her brow as she talked, animated and glowing.
“ma, you good?” paige smirked when she realised azzi was no longer listening, laughing at the glossy look in azzi’s eyes. “something distracting you?”
azzi coughed and rolled her eyes, though the blush creeping up her neck gave her away. “just admiring what’s mine, that’s all.”
paige smiled, almost shy as her cheeks tint a pretty shade of pink at her girlfriend’s possessiveness. “i miss you, baby.”
azzi’s smirk faded, replaced with something heavier. her voice dropped to a murmur as she sat on the edge of her bed. “i miss you more, p. it’s not the same here without you.”
paige pouted, like she felt it in her chest too. “it’s weird seeing you more on a screen again. i’m so used to just walking downstairs when i missed you.”
“now it’s six hours and a flight just to hug you for a day,” azzi sighed.
paige pouts even harder, sighing dramatically. “i just miss my girl. you’ve been looking too damn fine in my jersey. you trying to kill me?”
and that’s when it hit her.
azzi shot up, rummaging through the clutter on her desk—books, lip gloss tubes, tangled chains – until she found it.
she held up the delicate silver necklace, triumph written all over her face. a small heart charm beside a number 5.
“baby,” paige laughed, eyes lighting up. she knew that face. “what are you planning?”
“you’ll see.” azzi smirked.
see if they can deny this now.
spoiler: they can.
–
the tiktok blew up instantly – a dancing video with suni and anna. but that wasn’t what caught people’s attention.
no, it was the subtle glint of silver that caught the light every time azzi moved, delicate, gleaming, and undeniably there.
from the second the video went live, suni and anna had teased her relentlessly, eyebrows raised, smirks smug.
“oh they’re gonna eat this up,” anna said gleefully as she posted it, watching the likes skyrocket in real time. and azzi beamed, half proud, half smug.
suni leaned over her shoulder with a knowing grin. “you really wore that necklace for this?”
azzi shrugged smugly, beaming like the mastermind she was. “they better catch on this time.”
she thought this was it. they had to get it now.
and for a while, it seemed like they had. comments poured in. likes exploded. azzi refreshed the app every few minutes, heart racing, already imagining the thinkpieces, the ship edits, the finally, we have confirmation!! tweets.
but a few hours later, when she opened her phone, her jaw dropped.
comments flooded in:
“i wear my best friend’s number too lol”
“okay but this could still be platonic?”
“my bestie gave me a necklace like that 🥰”
what the fuck.
azzi slammed her phone face-down onto her bed, letting out a long, dramatic groan.
“you’re fucking lying.” she muttered under her breath, already on her feet and storming down the hallway to kk’s dorm with one mission in mind: complain. violently.
she flung the door open without knocking, mouth open and rants waiting to spill out when she heard it.
paige’s voice, warm and amused, drifting from kk’s phone screen.
“hey, fudd,” kk grinned, turning the phone to reveal paige’s face, all soft lighting and softer smiles. her girlfriend brightens up immediately, smiling that soft smile reserved only for her.
“hey, babe,” paige greeted. but her smile faltered as soon as she took in azzi’s stormy expression.
“uh oh. what happened?”
“oh, you know,” azzi drawled dramatically, flopping down on the edge of kk’s bed like the world’s most exhausted gay. “just the fucking allegations.”
kk blinked. “azzi. they can’t be allegations if you’re actually dating.”
“nah,” paige cut in, already catching on. she chuckled, leaning closer to the camera. “by allegations, she means best friend allegations.”
a beat of silence.
and then kk howled with laughter, doubling over as azzi swatted her shoulder.
“it’s not fucking funny.” she whined, ignoring how paige smiles fondly, eyes crinkling and bright.
“how are we still getting best friend allegations?” azzi rambled, pacing now. “i sat at her draft table. i’ve been in texas more in the last two weeks than my own parents’ house. i’m literally wearing her number around my neck like a promise ring.”
kk wipes a tear that escaped her eyes as she catches her breath, “you kill me, genuinely.”
“shut the fuck up kk.”
“okay, okay,” she wheezed, holding up her hands in surrender. “just be more obvious, then. you know how the internet is. unless you’re holding up a giant neon sign that says ‘i’m in a gay relationship with paige bueckers’ they’re gonna think y’all braid each other’s hair while you watch love island .”
“should i tattoo it on my forehead?” azzi deadpanned. “i’m dating paige bueckers across my fucking hairline?”
“i’d be down,” paige chimed in helpfully.
azzi shot her a look.
paige grinned sheepishly. “sorry.”
kk just rolled her eyes for what had to be the fifth time. “no one said that. just make another tiktok. with paige this time. don’t you literally have a visit planned soon?”
azzi groaned again but nodded, slumping down into kk’s desk chair with a dramatic exhale.
“fine. i guess i’ll try again.”
“aww.” paige cooed at azzi’s jutted lip, clearly dejected at her failed attempt at yet another hard launch. “don’t worry babe, we can do that trend you’ve been wanting.”
azzi’s head snapped up, a hopeful smile dancing on her lips, “really?”
“of course, baby,” paige said, voice low and warm, and if azzi had been any closer, back in her arms where she belongs, she would’ve kissed her silly on the spot.
“ew, gross.” kk gagged, “this feels like watching my parents kiss.”
azzi flipped her off without even looking, already envisioning the tiktok that would put rumours to rest. hopefully. maybe.
they’d stop calling it platonic.
–
the restaurant was bustling with quiet noise – the clink of silverware against ceramic, the soft murmur of conversations blending with occasional bursts of laughter. dim lighting bounced off polished wood and wine glasses, casting everything in a warm glow. it was perfect, not because of the fragrant waft of food everywhere, (although that did help) but because she was here, with her again, back where she belongs.
they were sat on a spacious round table. and even though they were in the middle of the restaurant, surrounded by people and different conversations, azzi barely heard the hum of the world around her.
all she heard was paige.
“and then nai says it’s because i’m pale like casper the ghost. what does that have to do with anything?” paige sighed mid-rant, her hands animated as she recounted something that happened during shootaround, her voice trailing into another tangent about a meme she saw that morning.
and azzi would like to think she was a great girlfriend. she’d say she was attentive and ready to listen. but right now, with her girlfriend so soft and so close to her again? she couldn’t help but stare.
she was watching. warm eyes fixed on paige’s every expression. the way her nose scrunched when she laughed, the way her lashes fluttered when she looked down at her plate, the way her voice softened just slightly whenever she said azzi’s name.
god, it’s sickening how in love she was. maybe kk did have a point.
paige leaned forward suddenly, noticing the face her girlfriend had when she was in her head again. reaching across the table, she laced their fingers together. like it was the most natural thing in the world.
and it was.
her thumb brushed slow circles into the back of azzi’s hand as she watched azzi register her gentle actions.
“anyways,” paige said, a little quieter, a little gentler. “how are you doing, baby? still bothered about the rumours?”
azzi sighed before she could help it, spine straightening at the mention of the issue. paige laughed softly, lifting their hands and pressing a kiss to the smooth skin just below azzi’s knuckles.
“you have no idea.” azzi rolled her eyes, softening slightly at the affection. she fished her phone out to show her girlfriend a screenshot of the many tweets and tiktok comments. “look. best friend, former team-mate, anything but girlfriend. it’s ridiculous!”
a blur of screenshots filled the screen as paige squinted. tweet after tweet, tiktok after tiktok, each one circled or underlined in red like she was building a case. best friend. former teammate. “normal friendship between girls.” platonic. platonic. platonic.
paige cackled at a particular comment. “yall reaching. i look at my best friend the way paige does and we’re not dating.” she read aloud, biting her lip to stop a very inappropriate laugh from escaping.
“someone tell her…” paige started shakily, “if she looks at her best friend the way we look at each other…”
azzi’s hands shoot up to cover her mouth, knowing her girlfriend’s next words.
paige was near tears. “they’re probably-”
“gay.” azzi deadpanned, snickering into her hands as she tried to remain quiet.
paige didn’t even try, doubling into a loud laughter as she hid her face from curious stares.
“gay,” she repeated, muffled into her palms, before peeking back up at azzi with tear-glossed eyes and the widest grin. “god, i love you.”
azzi just huffed, still scrolling. “tell that to the internet.”
she opened tiktok on azzi’s phone, still in her hand with a sly grin. “wanna make it now?”
azzi’s eyes brightened instantly, nodding animatedly as paige leaned in to plant a soft kiss on her forehead.
—
they filmed it first try – azzi tilted her head, eyes wide with innocence. “how much was it?” she mouthed.
paige looked exasperatedly at the camera. “two hundred dollars.”
azzi let out a cute little gasp, a soft smile contrasting paige’s reaction. “that’s not bad!”
azzi could barely contain the shake of her body as she cackled at the slow motion of paige’s reaction. they both cracked up the moment the audio cut, laughter bubbling as paige nuzzled her face into the crook of the younger’s neck. they rewatched it ten times before even moving, paige pointing out how soft azzi looked in her sweater and her innocent smile.
“they gotta get it this time.” paige reassured as azzi typed up her caption.
princess treatment everytime i’m with her. 😇💗 #spoiled
then she hit post.
hard launch.
again.
they got up to stroll to paige’s car, scrolling through the initial reactions. thousands of likes, comments, even videos in response to the tikok flooded in almost initially. paige peeked over azzi’s shoulder as they sat, scrolling, her free hand still tangled with azzi’s.
“see ma?” paige murmured against her ear. “i think they really get it this time.”
azzi beamed, sliding into the passenger seat and sighing at the familiar scent of paige’s car. her favourite car freshener, her laundry detergent, the faintest whiff of her favorite perfume. Home.
“finally,” she whispered, curling into her seat with a grin.
princess treatment indeed.
but later that night, after dinner and after kisses and after laughter faded into quiet, they lay on paige’s couch. azzi was nestled between her legs, back pressed to paige’s chest, scrolling aimlessly on her phone while paige mindlessly played with the end of one of her braids.
“babe?” azzi asked quietly, tone dull.
“hm?” paige kissed her temple.
wordlessly, azzi flipped her phone around and shoved it in her face. paige stared, blinked, then winced.
“oh fuck, you were serious.”
–
“i know that look.” kk narrowed her eyes, watching azzi through the mirror as she twisted her curls into place, securing them with quiet precision.
soft music flowed from kk’s speaker, the low hum of kk’s r&b playlist mixing with the gentle clatter of makeup brushes. paige had a game in connecticut today, and they had decided to get ready together before boarding the team bus to the game.
“whatsoever do you mean, kamorea?” azzi asked, tone syrupy and suspiciously innocent. she didn’t even look up, just kept applying mascara to thick, long lashes that fluttered innocently.
kk squinted, reading between every single line. “nah, don’t play. you’re gonna do something to ruin the internet again aren’t you?”
a smile.
“maybe.”
kk shivers.
–
they had finished the game with a high. dallas took the victory as the crowd went wild – paige had once again scored the most points within the team and god she felt like floating. she exuded an electric energy, that dizzying, dazed smile stretched across her face as her eyes scanned the crowd, searching.
they land on azzi. always azzi.
always azzi, cutting through the overwhelming noise and cheer. it was cheesy to think, but it genuinely felt like those cheesy rom-com movies azzi adored, even years in their relationship. the roar of the arena faded to a hum when their eyes met, and paige’s smile softened like it always did. like she only saw her.
they were ushered out quickly once the game wrapped, fans still screaming, staff buzzing. azzi and kk lingered back in a hallway as the crowd thinned. kk had been filming a vlog the entire day, azzi giggling into the camera, cheeks hurting from smiling as they goofed around, waiting for them to be allowed back to the venue.
“hey, y'all can come back in now.” a staff member had said, halting kk’s rambling to her phone.
“thank you!” kk replied politely before turning to the vlog, tone changing in an instant. “guys, we’re about to go see paige bueckers!” she squealed dramatically like a fan, making azzi roll her eyes and laugh.
kk skipped to paige’s side the second they stepped in, faking stage fright with exaggerated gasps, wringing her hands as paige blinked at her, amused. still, a slow yet fond smile stretched across the blonde’s features at her friend’s theatrics.
she opened her arms, inviting an embrace as kk squealed and jumped into a hug, acting like she’d won a contest. azzi giggled from behind the camera, heart swelling when paige’s eyes flicked up to find hers, warm and instinctive. she opened her mouth to probably call her over for a quick peck before noticing the camera, tilting her head in a silent question.
azzi mouths “she’s vlogging.”
paige nods swiftly in understanding, wrapping her arms around kk as she rants about her first tech. azzi couldn’t help but swoon, heart softening at how paige was just glowing. she was radiant even after a tough game, so full of life as she interacted with the team. everyone adored her, loved her in a way that only pure adoration and respect could bring.
she doesn’t even wanna know how googly-eyed she looked right now, admiring her girlfriend, thinking of everything they went through. years of hiding everything, their affection, their love for each other.
and suddenly, azzi had had enough.
she was not about to sit quietly while the world missed the entire point of the most important thing in her life.
and she knew exactly what to do.
–
she rummaged around her suitcase, looking for the item paige had gifted her months ago.
the phone case.
it was a joke, really. they had been scrolling through social media when paige started giggling at her phone – a case a fan had designed.
“look at this, baby,” paige had grinned, tilting the screen as azzi took a peek. “some fan really made this.”
it was obnoxiously pink, bold letters stamped across it like a headline.
“excuse me,” azzi had scoffed, pouting dramatically. “position’s already filled, thanks.”
but paige had only laughed harder, tapping on the link to buy it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. she bit her lip to stifle her giggles as she silently ordered it, filling in her details with a mischievous smile. it didn’t take long for suspicious silence to get noticed by azzi though, gasping when she saw the screen.
“the fuck?” azzi gasped as paige snickered. “paige.”
“it’s for you,” paige said sweetly, azzi widening her eyes sassily. “you’re welcome.”
“fuck no.”
now though, azzi had never been more thankful for a phone case. “thank the lord for a weird girlfriend.” she muttered under her breath, snapping it onto her phone with a click and smirking as the lettering caught the light. bright pink. unmissable.
so, expect a lil something today.
the three bubbles appeared almost instantly, azzi smiling at how fast paige responded despite her being at practice.
should i be scared?
azzi giggled, biting back a laugh as she typed:
perhaps i’m using the phone case.
a pause.
the phone case? the one you swore you’d never touch?
maybe.
azzi typed with a smirking emoji, giggling as paige replied with a thousand shocked face emojis.
game time.
–
she was getting dolled up with her stylist when she decided to snap the picture. skin glowing from glam, hair curled to perfection by her stylist, the light hitting her skin just right. and yeah, maybe it was intentional that her legs looked perfect in the picture, almost distracting from the actual purpose.
the phone case clear as day with bright pink letters – a loud and proud declaration.
paige bueckers’ girlfriend.
“you menace,” hayley smiled, peeking over her shoulder as azzi typed out the caption.
azzi smirked, cheekbones sharp and eyes playful as she posed one last time in the mirror. “it gets to a point,” she sighed, tossing her hair dramatically, “where i’m like, maybe i do need to spell it out for them.”
hayley laughed, running her hands through curls gently, nodding in agreement. “baby, you’ve spelled it, shouted it, danced it, and now you really put it out there in bright pink letters.”
“real.” azzi nodded in agreement, looking over the story one last time.
post.
and then she waited.
the notifications came in like an avalanche: shocked emojis, screaming replies. fan edits already popping up her for you page with another taylor swift song. she tried not to let her hopes up too much, knowing the pattern from her previous attempts. still, she let herself breathe, heart thumping in her chest like she’d just sprinted across a court.
a buzz cuts through her thoughts, bringing a soft smile to her face.
paige bueckers’girlfriend huh?
azzi could already imagine the proud smirk on paige’s face, fingers dancing across the screen to reply.
you lucky woman.
paige’s reply came instantly.
god, i agree.
and just like that, azzi felt the warmth rush to her cheeks, biting her lip as she tried to calm the way her chest fluttered. she bit her lip, fighting down the stubborn blush paige still managed to coax from her, setting her phone down as she fanned her face. she glanced at hayley, who was definitely watching.
“don’t.” she warned, burying her face in her hands.
“you’re so in love.”
it was a simple sentence. one she’d heard multiple times from fans, friends, and family alike. she heard it when they posted a picture, played a game together, went to a family event together, or when a friend caught them staring at each other for too long. it was written in the way she and paige looked at each other, or in every quiet hug after a tough game, every stolen glance across a crowded room. yet, she couldn’t help but think back to everything – how it had started between them, and how this giddiness had yet to fade. she had a sneaking suspicion it never will.
because it was true. it was real, and it was theirs.
and maybe that was enough, the sure feeling she had when they made eye contact in a crowded room, the softness of paige’s touch even after a rough game, the unwavering support of the people around her and the fans.
that was enough.
she looked at the mirror, still smiling.
“yeah,” azzi whispered, almost to herself.
“i really am.”
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This has been roaming in my head for way too long.
So we all know The LaDs men are hella big, right?
What if it cant fit in (some) reader/s mouth s they end up choking a bit or needing to only go through it halfway bcs their gag reflexes arent reflexing so now we feel bad 😔 💔
Well, my dearest, you got my mind racing with this one 🙈
Here are my thoughts about this:
(Explicit sexual content below)
Zayne
Zayne doesn't like you straining yourself. Yes, he's okay stretching out your sweet little hole but when you want to take him whole in your mouth, he's very careful.
He'll tuck your hair behind your ear, push it away from your pretty face.
And his hand is a heavy, guiding weight on the nape of your neck. When you start going too far and start choking around his length, he'll pull you back by the back of your neck.
"Honey, slow down. You're going to bruise your throat."
But you just want to make him feel good :(
"You already do. And your hands are enough," he assures you.
When you're being very very stubborn, he'll pull you off his cock and kiss the air out of your lungs.
"Slowly," he'll tell you, in a deep, firm voice.
Rafayel
Okay but hear me out.
Rafayel but in heat. Merman form. And he's got two. Yes, of course, two.
And obviously you want both in your mouth.
But they're big and they're two and you can barely fit one, of course your can't fit two.
So, you're so whiny because you want both in your mouth :(
And he's so beautiful, so flustered, ears bright red, breathing labored. He does these delicious hip rolls when you stroke him. Gorgeous tail hanging off the side of the bathtub.
"Please, princess, it's okay, don't pout like that."
"Please, just your hand is okay... please, baby..."
And of course you wrap your hands around both his cocks, and take turns sucking on both heads like a lollipop. Until he's moaning out your name, with his head thrown back, covering your hands and face with his cum.
Sylus
Sylus...
This man would train you to take him.
Very slow and patiently, full of sweet, loving praises.
"Shhh, kitten, it's okay. You're doing great."
He just loves you so much he'll indulge you anytime. Guide you through it.
"Hollow your cheeks a little."
"Hmmm... that's it, sweet thing, you're taking me so well."
If you have long hair, he'll wrap it around his hand, occasionally tug on it if you're being impatient. Short hair gets tugged on too.
And he'll click his tongue.
"Tsk tsk, kitten, you're going too fast."
He'll cup your cheeks with his long fingers.
"I want you to take it nice... and... slow..."
Xavier
A lover who chokes around his length would drive Xavier insane.
Oh, he's not gonna be gentle about it because he loves, loves seeing the tears cling to your lashes, your lips stretched out around his cock.
He loves seeing your efforts.
His hand is always on the top of your head, sometimes gripping your hair. And he holds you down on his cock every now and then. (With consent, of course. If you don't like that, he definitely won't.)
"That's it, princess. Look at how pretty you look, with your mouth around my cock."
He has to hold back so he won't thrust into your throat when you gag. He doesn't want to hurt you, of course. He wants you to feel good too.
He cums in your mouth and you struggle to swallow it all, just like you struggled with his length.
"You're so messy, my starlight. So pretty."
Caleb
Caleb wants your mouth around his cock so bad but he doesn't want you to hurt yourself :(
"Take it slow, pips, you don't have to take it whole."
He'll try so bad to keep his hips still for you.
And he's so full of praises. He pets your hair through it.
"You look so pretty."
"You're taking me so well."
"Your mouth feels so so good."
"I've thought about this before. Yeah, you, with my cock in your mouth. You look even prettier than I imagined."
He catches the tears that fall from your eyes. Thrusts into your mouth only when he's sure he won't hurt you. He's very eager to let you use him, let you suck on his cock like a popsicle but the way you want it.
You swallow him down once and he's done for, cumming down your throat while letting out the prettiest moans.
#love and deepspace#lads#lnds#love and deepspace caleb#lads caleb#lnds caleb#xia yizhou#love and deepspace rafayel#lads rafayel#lnds rafayel#qi yu#love and deepspace sylus#lads sylus#lnds sylus#qin che#love and deepspace xavier#lads xavier#lnds xavier#shen xinghui#love and deepspace zayne#lads zayne#lnds zayne#li shen#love and deepspace smut#love and deepspace x reader#lads smut#lads x reader#smut#excusemyobsessions#request
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Just The Two Of Us.



summary: a night of dancing and too much alcohol dredges up old (?) feelings and unresolved tension between you and lando, blurring the line between history and heat as a single moment threatens to unravel everything you’ve both been trying not to want
content: 18+!! smut, nsfw, alcohol / intoxication, mutual (?) pining, soft angst, sexual tension, drunken vulnerability, thigh riding, drunk confessions, soft horny chaos
word count: 5,5k
pairing: lando norris x fem!reader
walls are way too thin - series - a´s masterlist
might be confusing if read as standalone
It’s been weeks.
Weeks since that night at the bar. Since you walked away with Charles and Lando just… let you. Since whatever that moment was between you all evaporated into the haze of alcohol, music, and unspoken choices.
Lando never brought it up.
Not once.
He never asked what happened with Charles, never made a comment, never let anything slip—except for the way he looked at you a little differently for a few days after. Like he was trying to piece something together and never quite figured out how to ask the question. Or maybe he just didn’t want the answer.
But after that? Things fell back into place.
Sort of.
The banter returned, light and easy. Familiar. You still teased each other over your tragic snack choices and made sarcastic comments about each other’s Spotify queues. There were late-night kitchen run-ins, the occasional movie half-watched together, and the same dumb inside jokes passed between you like muscle memory.
But everything now had Charlotte’s name quietly folded into it.
Her toothbrush was in the bathroom sometimes. Her perfume lingered in the hallway when she left. There were missed calls on his phone from her. Her laughter on speaker when he’d answer mid-conversation with you. She was never intrusive, never rude, always warm and friendly when you crossed paths but she was there.
And so you drifted again.
Still close, but no longer the center of each other’s gravity.
But one Thursday night, he brought it up casually, like it was nothing.
Lando leaned against the counter, half a slice of toast in one hand, his phone glowing on the table beside him.
“Oh—hey,” he said, glancing over. “Remember the DJ I wanted to take you to see?”
You looked up from your laptop, distracted. “The one from the night I violently started vomiting?”
That’s what you said out loud.
What you thought was: The one from the night you met Charlotte.
He nodded, grinning. “Yeah. He’s back this weekend. Playing that same club. Charlotte’s out of town—family thing—so I thought, you know… maybe you’d want to go?”
You blinked. “With you?”
“Well yeah,” he said, shrugging. “We haven’t properly been out together in a while.”
You opened your mouth to say no. You were ready to. The excuse was half-formed, something about being tired or having plans or just not being in the mood. But then you looked at him.
The way he was smiling, not the flashy kind he used with everyone else. Just quiet. Hopeful. Familiar.
It tugged something loose in your chest. Something softer.
And you realized how long it had been since it was just the two of you. Since the night was only yours, not divided by subtext or someone else’s presence. Just Lando. Just you.
“Okay,” you said, slower than you meant to. “Yeah, let’s go.”
His whole face lit up. “Yeah? Sick.”
He was already unlocking his phone, tapping away excitedly, like this was something he’d been waiting on for longer than he let on.
And for a second, you let yourself feel it too.
The anticipation. The comfort. The possibility of something that used to be yours.
Even if it wasn’t anymore.
And when Saturday came arround, you didn’t set out to get that drunk.
It started small. Innocent. A night out that felt overdue—just the two of you again, no lingering tension, no third presence hovering over your shoulder. Something that might feel like old times, even if it wasn’t.
The air was stiff at first. Not cold exactly, just... cautious. Like you both were waiting to see who would make the first move, who would laugh first, tease first, act like nothing had changed.
But the moment you really realized Charlotte wasn’t there and wasn’t even mentioned, something in you loosened. You let the tightness in your chest go slack. Just a little.
Lando’s voice was familiar. His jokes were predictable and comforting. His eyes, bright and warm and pointed only at you, felt like home again.
Then came the drinks. Just one each. Then a second. Then shared shots, the kind you never liked but took anyway, because he handed it to you with that grin and you didn’t want to be the reason it faded.
Then the music got louder. The lights got blurrier.
And you started to feel good. Really good.
The kind of good that makes you forget the ache in your chest. The kind that makes it easy to smile without thinking. Easy to dance without worrying where his hands aren’t.
Easy to believe that maybe none of this is as complicated as it’s become.
The place was packed, pulsing with heat and the blurred lines of strangers dancing too close. You moved through it all like someone trying to shake something off. The vodka burned, but it helped. The music was too loud, but it gave your thoughts somewhere to hide. People laughed, flirted, spilled drinks, and it all melted into a blur around the edges.
But none of that mattered.
What mattered was him.
Lando looked stupidly good. The kind of good you tried not to notice anymore. His shirt clung in all the right places, curls damp with sweat, cheeks flushed from the mix of dancing and liquor. His laugh was even louder than usual, a little reckless. Real.
And you hated how much it got to you.
At one point, he leaned close to say something, and his hand found the small of your back. Familiar, casual. But you felt it everywhere. You didn’t pull away.
And maybe that was the beginning of the end.
You’d missed that version of him. The one who laughed without checking himself, who let the music move through him like it belonged there. The version of him that reached for your hand without hesitation, eyes bright and mouth already curved into a grin before you even made it to the dance floor.
“You remember this song?” he yelled over the heavy thump of the speakers, his fingers tightening around yours as he pulled you into the mess of bodies.
You stumbled forward, laughter bubbling up before you could stop it. The alcohol made everything feel slightly off balance, spinning, sliding, but somehow safer in his orbit. “Of course I remember. You played it on a loop that summer.”
“I did not,” he protested, already grinning like he knew you were right.
“You did,” you insisted, jabbing a finger at his chest. “Three weeks. Same stupid song. I wanted to break your speaker.”
He raised his eyebrows, spinning you once with a dramatic flair. You wobbled, giggling, and crashed into him. His hands caught your hips to steady you, lingering just a second too long. “It’s a classic. Can’t argue with art.”
“You’re so full of it,” you said, still breathless.
“Drunk me is confident,” he corrected, swaying with you as the beat shifted to something heavier, deeper. His body moved closer, hands hovering but not quite touching now, the ghost of muscle memory dancing just beneath the skin.
“I said cocky,” you teased, looking up at him through lashes that felt too heavy.
He shrugged with a crooked smile. “Same thing.”
The air grew thicker with heat and sweat and perfume, the kind of charged closeness that made it hard to breathe but impossible to pull away from. Around you, people danced in a blur of limbs and laughter, but your focus narrowed. Just him. Just this.
You didn’t notice when your body curved back into his, only that it felt right. Familiar. Like falling into a rhythm your body hadn’t forgotten, even if your mind had tried. His chest pressed against your spine, hands still tentative, but closer now. Testing the distance.
His breath brushed your ear. “You’re dangerous like this,” he said, low enough to be private, words already slurred from the alcohol “You dance like you know someone is watching.”
The words sent a ripple down your spine. You turned in his arms, slow and deliberate, until you were facing him, nothing but inches between you. You tilted your chin up slightly, meeting his gaze head-on.
“And you talk like you forgot we’re not doing this anymore,” you said, voice even, but your pulse was anything but.
For a beat, he didn’t respond. Just stared, expression unreadable except for the subtle flick of his eyes to your mouth. His fingers twitched where they hovered at your waist, like he was trying to decide if he could cross that line again. Just once.
The moment stretched, pulsing in time with the music. His eyes darkened, parted lips like he might speak, or do something else entirely.
And then someone stumbled past, jostling your shoulder. A splash of liquid hit your arm. Someone swore. You stepped back instinctively.
The spell broke. The music kept going, but something between you stopped.
It was already clear Lando had passed the threshold long before you'd left the club. Inside, he’d been leaning on you between songs, mumbling nonsense into your ear, slurring the end of every sentence like it was a secret. His eyes had lost their usual sharpness, replaced with that wide, glassy look that meant he’d stopped keeping track of how much he drank.
And when he threw his head back and yelled across the bar for “just one more round!”, you knew he was gone.
But it wasn’t until the cold air hit your faces that it really sunk in.
It slammed into you both like a wall, sobering and spinning at the same time. The night outside was harsh and too quiet, the kind of quiet that makes your ears ring after hours of music pounding through your chest.
Lando blinked hard. Wobbled once. Then let out a groan so low and pitiful you almost laughed again. “Oh no,” he muttered, eyes big and terrified like he’d just remembered gravity existed. “I don’t like this.”
You swayed slightly, vision swimming, trying to focus on the street signs. “You’re fine. Just keep walking. It’s not that far to the taxis.”
“I can’t feel my legs,” he whispered urgently. “Are they still attached?”
“They’re attached. One foot in front of the other.”
“I feel like I’m floating. But in, like, a bad way.”
He sagged heavily against your side, nearly dragging you both off the curb.
“You’re the best,” he muttered, lips brushing your shoulder, “but I still want chips.”
“I know,” you said, pulling him toward the curb. “We’ll find you chips. And maybe an exorcist.”
You were barely holding it together yourself. Your head was full of cotton, your mouth dry, legs wobbly beneath you. But you kept going. Because someone had to. And tonight, it wasn’t going to be him.
The cab ride was a miracle.
It smelled like kebabs and stale beer, the kind of sticky, sour stench that clung to your clothes. Lando collapsed the second he was in, sprawling across the backseat like a drunk prince. His head found your shoulder automatically, and his arm flopped across your lap, heavy and hot.
He sighed, a deep, content sound that tugged at something in your chest.
Then he mumbled something “ketchup”, maybe “curry sauce”. Or maybe your name. You weren’t sure. You didn’t want to be sure.
His eyes stayed shut, but the faintest smile curled at the corners of his mouth. The kind of smile that only ever showed up when he felt safe. Like this. With you.
Your stomach twisted.
You stared out the window, streetlights blurring past like stars falling sideways. The world was still spinning, but slower now. Quieter. Almost peaceful, if you didn’t think too hard about the weight of his hand on your knee.
When the cab finally slowed to a stop outside the flat, you nudged him gently. “Lando,” you whispered, shaking his shoulder. “We’re home.”
He groaned in protest and buried his face in your coat. “Five more minutes,” he mumbled, then threw one arm dramatically over his eyes like he was playing dead.
You sighed, the kind of sigh that came from the soles of your feet. Exhausted. Amused. A little exasperated.
“Come on, Lando.”
He slumped deeper into the cab seat. “Nooooo.”
“Get. Up.”
“Carry me,” he said without shame, eyes shut, arms flopping out like a child asking for a piggyback ride.
You half-laughed, half-groaned, already climbing out of the car. “You are literally all limbs. You’re a human octopus.”
But despite his dramatic protest, he tried to stand—sort of. Wobbled to his feet with the grace of a baby deer and immediately swayed into you. You looped an arm around his waist, feeling the full, ridiculous weight of him as he leaned into your side like you were gravity itself.
Getting him across the pavement was a comedy of errors. Every few steps, he muttered something new: a complaint, a question, a half-coherent lyric. “It’s freezing,” he whined. “I’m dying. You know, I think I miss my bed more than I’ve ever missed anything. And do we have crisps? Wait—wait. Do you have crisps?”
“You’re ridiculous,” you hissed, breath fogging in the cold. “Shut up and walk.”
“I’m charming,” he corrected with great effort, slurring it into something closer to shar-ming as he bumped his forehead against yours. “Also… I love your hair.”
You faltered.
“What?”
“Just sayin’,” he said, the words thick and sweet. “It’s soft. Like—like clouds.”
Your mouth went dry. You didn’t answer. Couldn’t, really.
Finally—miraculously—you got the door open. The apartment greeted you with dim, golden light and that faint scent that was always there.
Lando nearly fell inside, catching himself with one hand on the wall before staggering upright. “I’m good,” he said to absolutely no one, then gestured grandly down the hallway like he was a knight returning from battle. “Bed. Now.”
He took off with a crooked gait, zigzagging like he was dodging invisible obstacles. You followed out of instinct more than anything, watching him collapse face-first onto his bed, limbs sprawled at impossible angles. He hadn’t even taken off his shoes.
“Lando,” you mumbled, pulling at your own boots, swaying a little. “Shoes. Off.”
“I can’t,” he whined, rolling onto his back. His voice went high and needy. “You do it. Please? I’m just a little drunk boy.”
You dropped to your knees at the edge of the bed, hands fumbling for his laces with what limited dexterity you had left. The room tilted slightly around you as you tried to focus.
Above you, there was a soft metallic clink. Then the subtle slide of leather on denim.
You paused. “Lando, what are you doing?”
A beat of silence.
“You said to get undressed.”
You looked up, then immediately rolled your eyes.
His belt was halfway undone, his jeans unbuttoned, his shirt half-off in the most chaotic, tangled mess you’d ever seen. He looked like someone who’d lost a fight with his own clothing.
“I said take of your shoes, you idiot.”
But he was grinning now. Slow. Lazy. His elbows propped him up enough to look down where you knelt at the edge of the bed, between his legs. Curls messy, eyes half-lidded and locked on you.
“Fuck,” he muttered, soft and low. “What a view.”
You blinked, heart stuttering.
Because his voice wasn’t teasing. Not really.
And neither was the way he was looking at you.
Your hands were still tangled in the laces of his second shoe, knuckles brushing against the fabric of his jeans, your body swaying ever so slightly from the haze of alcohol. You were kneeling between his legs—flushed, breathless, hair falling over your face in loose strands. A mess. But not the kind you cared to fix right now.
You giggled, quiet and nervous, trying to shake off the tension wrapping around your spine like a coiled wire. “You’re drunk,” you said, voice unsteady, caught somewhere between amusement and something far more dangerous.
Lando groaned in response, collapsing back onto the mattress with all the weight of someone who’d decided that gravity was now in charge. His arms flopped outward, one draped dramatically off the side of the bed, the other dragging lazily down the middle of his chest. The mattress springs gave a long, creaking sigh beneath him.
Then his hand stilled—paused low on his stomach, his crotch to be fair.
You froze.
Your eyes followed the subtle shift of his fingers as they drifted downward, slow, unhurried, until they pressed against the front of his jeans. Just a simple adjustment. Natural. Absentminded. Adjusting the obvious buldge.
He exhaled, low and slow, like the weight of his own touch had ignited something he wasn’t ready to name. His fingers lingered, just for a second too long. And you were still kneeling there. Still watching.
Your breath caught like a tripwire.
He didn’t look at you when he spoke. “You know…” he began, his voice gravel-rough and dipped in sleep and liquor and something els, something unmistakably want. “I could just… see your lips wrapped around me. Right there.”
He said it like a confession, not a line. Not tossed with bravado or smirked with smug satisfaction.
It landed like a punch in the chest.
Your body went still. The air in the room shifted, sucked out of it and replaced with something dense. Electric.
You stared at him, stunned, not because of what he said, but because of how it made you feel. The way it shot straight through you, molten and reckless.
And without a word, you stood.
Not fast. Not dramatic. Just slow, deliberate, your knees unfolding, rising to your feet with shaky grace. You stayed between his legs, your body towering over him now, close enough to feel the heat rolling off his skin.
He didn’t move.
For a terrifying second, you thought maybe he had passed out. That all of it—all of him—was already slipping away again. Just another foggy memory you’d try not to touch later.
But then, his lashes fluttered. His head tilted forward. His hands found your waist like muscle memory, fingers warm and unsteady, gripping you like he didn’t trust the room to stay still. It took effort, but he sat up, blinking through the haze until his eyes locked on yours.
And then he was there.
Right there.
Face level with your chest, his chin resting between your boobs while looking up at you through his lashes. Your shirt had slipped lower than you realized, the neckline gaping just enough for his gaze to catch on bare skin. His lips parted, eyes dark and unblinking, and something in the air cracked under the weight of it.
This wasn’t the look of someone flirting.
This was hunger. Unfiltered. Slow-burning.
He tilted his chin up slightly, mouth open, like he was already breathing you in. And his hands—god, his hands—tightened on your waist, not pulling, just holding, like you were the only stable thing in a world that wouldn't stop spinning.
“Fuck,” he whispered again, voice hoarse and reverent.
Your stomach knotted. Everything pulsed.
The room felt thick, too hot, your heart hammering in your throat. You couldn’t tell if the heat in your cheeks came from the alcohol or the way his eyes were dragging over you like he was memorizing every exposed inch.
“Lando…” you whispered. It wasn’t loud. Barely there. Like even saying his name might snap the fragile thread of tension between you.
But he heard you.
His eyes snapped back to yours. And for the first time in what felt like forever, he didn’t look confused. He didn’t look careless.
He didn’t blink. Didn’t flinch. It was like he’d already decided. Like your voice saying his name only confirmed something that had already started unfolding the second the club door closed behind you.
His fingers—warm, unsteady—brushed up your back, trailing lazily over the thin fabric of your shirt. The motion was soft, almost absentminded, like he was just touching to remember what you felt like. Then he dragged one hand across your side, curling around your ribs. The contact made you shiver.
“You look so good in this,” he mumbled, voice rough and low—drunk, slurred.
Then his fingers dipped forward, brushing across your chest. Not grabbing. Just a slow sweep through the valley of your breasts, knuckles grazing delicate skin like he wasn’t even fully aware he was doing it.
You exhaled, sharp.
His eyes flicked up again, meeting yours.
You didn’t stop him.
There was a long moment where nothing happened and everything did, your breath shallow, your thighs tightening, your hands flexing uselessly at your sides.
He got impatient, hands sliding down to your hips before tugging you down onto his thigh. The motion was clumsy, uncoordinated, but it lit a spark in your gut all the same. Now straddling him, your legs bracketed his thigh, your body pressed close—closer than it had been in weeks.
His thigh pressed between yours, firm and warm, the denim rough against your skin. The pressure made you gasp, a quiet, breathy sound you didn’t mean to let out. He heard it anyway. Smirked.
His eyes trailed from the neckline of your shirt up to your face, pupils blown wide and unfocused and then he was touching you again, fingertips brushing your cheek, slipping around to the nape of your neck. You froze, breath hitched, a pulse thudding between your ribs.
He looked at you like he was about to say something. But he didn’t. He just pulled you in, his mouth crashing against yours.
You kissed him back like you were starving.
His groan rumbled low in his throat as his hand tightened at your waist, pulling you flush to him. The kiss was messy, all teeth and heat and unspoken feelings bursting to the surface. His other hand threaded into your hair, tilting your head just enough to deepen it. You could taste the alcohol on his tongue, could feel the weeks of silence and missed moments pouring out of him and into you.
It was overwhelming and perfect and reckless.
You didn’t even realize you were moving at first.
It was slow—barely anything at all—but the friction caught instantly, your body shifting against the line of his thigh, your breath stuttering. His hands gripped you tighter, like he felt it too, a low sound slipping from his throat again, half moan, half curse.
You broke the kiss, lips parting as you pulled back just a little, your mouth still open, breathing him in. His lips were kiss-swollen, his eyes dark and glazed and fixed entirely on you.
What were you doing?
The thought flashed—brief, sharp—but it was buried under the weight of his hands, the warmth of him underneath you, the alcohol roaring in your bloodstream like a permission slip you didn’t need. All the silence. All the pretending. All of it collapsed into this moment that didn’t feel like a mistake yet.
And then—soft, urgent, not quite a plea—he said it:
“Don’t stop.”
It was barely more than a whisper, but it landed like a strike.
You didn’t.
Your hips tilted again, slow and uncertain, chasing that pressure, feeling the flex of his thigh through his jeans and the heat building in your own body.
His hands slipped lower—slow, possessive—until one settled firmly at your hip, the other sliding down to grab your ass, fingers curling in a way that made you gasp. He pulled you harder against him, guiding your movement with an unspoken rhythm that had your whole body humming.
The friction turned sharper, needier. Your breath caught in your throat.
You leaned in again before you could think better of it.
Mouths crashed. No hesitation now, no teasing—just tongue and teeth and heat, wet and messy and drunk. His hand gripped you tighter, pulling your body flush against his. You rocked down into him, your hips rutting against his thigh, the pressure between your legs maddening.
It wasn’t graceful. It wasn’t slow.
But it was exactly what it had to be.
Neither of you spoke. There was nothing to say. Just the slap of mouths and the low groan in his throat as your nails scraped lightly over the back of his neck, as your lips dragged down to his jaw and he let out your name.
You barely noticed when you both tipped backwards, the mattress catching you in a clumsy sprawl. Lando grunted beneath you, his hands never leaving your body as your knee lifted, leg swinging over to straddle him properly now. You steadied yourself with your palms on his chest, breath ragged, hair slipping into your face.
For a beat, you just sat there, spine arching as your hips rolled down, your thin thong still catching friction against the rough denim of his jeans.
His hands gripped your waist harder.
You sat up slowly, heart hammering and peeled your shirt off, casting it somewhere into the darkened room. His eyes were locked on your body, mouth open, chest rising and falling fast.
Your skirt had already rucked up to your hips, forgotten. There was nothing left but that barely-there thong, stretched tight between your thighs, and the heavy line of him beneath you.
“Fuck,” he muttered, more to himself than to you, voice thick with disbelief, hunger, awe. His fingers flexed, holding you like you might vanish.
You leaned forward again, hands braced against his chest, feeling the thrum of his heart through your palms. Then lower. Fingers dragging down to the buckle he’d half-undone earlier in some drunken, distracted haze.
He twitched beneath you as your knuckles brushed over him, still restrained beneath denim but so obviously hard now. His eyes fluttered, head tilting back into the pillow.
“Jesus,” he whispered, eyes meeting yours again, all glassy and unguarded.
Your fingers moved slowly at first, slipping beneath the open leather of his belt and trailing down to the place where his warm skin met the rough denim. His breath hitched as you brushed along the line of his hipbone, teasing just above the waistband.
Then he lifted his hips with a drunken urgency, clumsy but determined, shoving jeans and boxers down in one go. The motion made you gasp, half in surprise, half in something deeper. He reached up, pulling at the sides of your thong at the same time, dragging the thin fabric down your legs with a groan, not even trying to be careful.
You helped, just enough. And then his legs kicked out beneath you, tangled clothes gone, skin warm against yours, bare now in a way that made your breath stall in your throat.
As he fell back again, you reached for his shirt—fingers fumbling with the buttons, working them free one by one, trailing your finger tips over the skin you uncovered. He was flushed, warm, and trembling slightly beneath your touch.
Then he stilled.
His hips settled again, and you were sitting fully on top of him now, the heat of your bare skin pressed down against him. His length nestled right between your folds, your lips parting on either side of him and it was obscene how clearly you could feel him.
Every inch. Every ridge. Every slow, pulsing throb.
You weren’t moving yet. Just breathing.
And he wasn’t saying a word. Just staring up at you with wide eyes and parted lips, like he couldn’t believe this was happening either.
You moved again, slow, unsteady, your hips tilting as the friction sparked another moan low in his throat. His hands gripped your waist tighter, dragging you down until your lips met again, even messier now, full of teeth and breath and need.
Then, in one dizzy motion, he rolled, flipping you beneath him with a half-laugh, half-groan, barely managing to brace himself on one elbow beside your head. The other arm stayed locked around your waist, holding you close, keeping you there.
His body hovered over yours, heat pressed to heat. You could feel him, right there, poised, waiting.
Lando looked down at you, eyes glassy and wide, his curls damp against his forehead. He searched your face like he wasn’t even sure this was real.
You didn’t say anything. You didn’t need to.
He pressed forward, slow at first like he didn’t trust himself not to rush it. His hands gripped your hips like a tether, grounding him in the moment even as the rest of him trembled. You felt the stretch, the heat, the deep pull of him inside you, and your breath caught sharply. His mouth parted around a broken sound—barely a gasp, almost reverent.
And then he looked at you.
Really looked at you.
His eyes were glassy, yes, but there was something almost sober in the way he met your gaze.
You cupped his face, fingers slipping through sweat-damp curls, and he leaned into the touch like it was the only thing keeping him steady. “You okay?” you whispered, voice cracking around the edges.
He nodded, forehead pressed to yours, lips ghosting over your cheek as he moved deeper. “Yeah,” he whispered. “You?”
You nodded too. Because you were.
The rhythm was messy, offbeat and drunken but there was something devastatingly earnest in the way he held you, kissed you, clung to you like this was something he’d been starving for. Like your body was the first place he’d felt whole in weeks. His hands moved constantly: down your back, over your ribs, threading into your hair like he couldn’t touch enough, couldn’t get enough. Every time your breath hitched, every time you whispered his name, he answered like a prayer.
Not rushed. Not careless. Just undone.
Your hips rocked together, not perfectly, but with a building desperation that made it real. Your thighs trembled him, his grip tightening when you whimpered and he kissed you again, sloppy, open-mouthed, too much teeth. You didn’t care. You kissed him like you needed it to stay alive.
He whispered something then, your name, maybe, or a curse, or please. You didn’t catch all of it, just the weight of it, the way it split his voice open.
Your climax hit slowly, like your body was realizing it in pieces, rippling up your spine before washing through your limbs. You buried your face in his shoulder, breath breaking against his skin, clinging to him like you’d fall apart otherwise.
He came after, head thrown back, jaw slack, a sound falling from his throat like it had nowhere else to go. One hand held the back of your neck. The other wrapped around your waist, like if he let go you’d both come undone.
But he didn’t let go.
Not even when your bodies stilled. Not even when the heat ebbed into afterglow and your breath began to steady. He stayed with you, his chest pressed to yours, his hand curled at the base of your spine, holding you like something fragile. Sacred.
After it was over, the room settled into a heavy, almost reverent silence. You lay there, the warmth of his body molding against yours, his arm draped protectively around your waist while the other rested gently across your chest and shoulders. The rise and fall of his breath gradually slowed, matching the steady rhythm of your own.
He nuzzled his head softly into the crook of your neck, his breath warm and uneven against your skin. It was a quiet kind of intimacy—slow, unspoken, raw in a way that made your chest ache.
Not like the other nights.
Not like the hurried kisses and tangled sheets and the silence that always followed, when you'd slip away before the sun touched the windows. When he'd turn his back or mumble something half-asleep and you'd pretend it didn’t hollow you out.
Those nights were physical. Fleeting. Always burning out before morning.
But this—this closeness—was different. He hadn’t let go. Hadn’t pulled away. His arm stayed wrapped around your waist like a tether, his nose brushing against your skin like he needed to feel you to stay grounded.
You didn’t quite know what had just happened. Part of you understood perfectly, yet another part felt suspended, caught between clarity and confusion.
Your hand found his forearm, fingers curling lightly around the soft skin, anchoring you to the moment. The silence stretched, thick with unspoken things.
Then, barely more than a whisper, you broke it.
“Lan.”
A low groan, almost sleepy, came as a response. “Hm.”
You weren’t sure if he was still awake or already drifting away.
Gathering a quiet courage, you whispered again, “I love you.”
No answer. Just the faint sound of his breathing against your neck, steady and slow.
i literally said sorry in advance, pls don´t come for me
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@pluviophile142 @itstaliascorner @graceln4 @leclercsluvs @isar8tsyyy @wetrainclouds @seonaw @msimpala--67 @isar8tsyyy @gvcnnnnnnnbvszxv9 @sparklepiastri @sailorinthesie @bell1a @spikershoyo @fer23022003 @vinylphwoar @wherethezoes-at @mbioooo0000 @v3nd3ttal3on @4-ln4 @belpsbelps @mckalala @hadids-world @chlmtfilms @lorena-mv33 @urmomsgirlfriend1 @queenkisskiss @trisharee @nataliambc
#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 x you#f1 x reader#f1 x you#lando norris one shot#lando norris fic#lando norris fanfic#lando norris imagine#mclaren#mclaren x reader#lando norris x fem!reader#lando norris smut#lando norris#f1 smut#𓊆papayainone𓊇#ln4 smut#f1 series
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Watch Me (Through The Screen)
Word count: 1.6k
Content: fluff, suggestive/sexual language
Pairing: Pazzi
Notes: long awaited bikini fic! lowkey got kind of poetic during portions of this, but i'm happy with how it turned out! this was originally going to have smut, but i'm really in a slump there right now, so i took it out. send me your thoughts as always!
________
It’s nearly midnight when Paige catches her. Azzi, curled up on Paige’s hotel bed, nestled into the sheets, cradling her phone in her hands. It’s such an adorable image that Paige forgets to breathe for a moment. The air gets caught in her lungs as her eyes trace Azzi’s frame, gaze soft. Paige’s hair is dripping onto the carpet, boxers and an old UConn shirt draped over her frame, but Azzi doesn’t look up.
The music doesn’t register in Paige’s mind at first, the volume just a little too low to float across the room to where she still hasn’t fully exited the bathroom. Then the clip of the song restarts, and it clicks in her brain.
It’s that unreleased song by The Weeknd. The one that Paige has been edited to thousands of times. She’s seen plenty of them, scrolled past, saved a few to her secret folder of edits that are very much not about basketball. It had never occurred to her that Azzi might see them too. And then, not just see them, but watch them.
“Az.” Paige’s feet are carrying her across the room before she even thinks about it. Then her fingers are closing around Azzi’s wrists, making her tilt the phone so she can see the screen. Azzi flushes and tries to hide the phone, but Paige squeezes. It’s not hard enough to hurt, just enough to convey the message. Don’t move. Let me see. Azzi swallows hard.
“P-”
“Nah, hold up. What’s this?” Azzi tries to pull her hands away again. Paige doesn’t budge.
“It’s just– I was… was scrolling and… this one came up!” Azzi defends. The song is still playing as the TikTok restarts, over and over again, and Azzi feels each new loop scratch marks into her spine. She briefly considers pretending to have a heart attack. That urge only intensifies when she finally glances up and sees the smirk curled onto Paige’s face.
“Yeah, it came up, and then you let that shit play on repeat. Am I right?” Paige teases. Azzi, again, wants to die.
“No, you’re not. Fine, I watched it once. I’ll admit that. But I was about to scroll when you came over here and decided you had to hold me captive. Which, by the way, could I have my hands back, please?” Azzi’s tone is bitter, and Paige almost feels bad for teasing her, but then she listens to the lyrics of the song again and throws her remorse out the window.
“You can have your hands back after you tell the truth. You watch my edits?” Paige pries. Azzi presses her lips together into a tight line.
“No.”
“No?”
“Not on purpose.” Paige raises an eyebrow, gets in Azzi’s face a little bit. Their breath intertwines between their bodies.
“Not on purpose?”
“Stop repeating everything I say!” Azzi exclaims. Paige grins.
“Nah. You’re telling me you never go looking for edits of me? Not even last week when you kept texting me how much you missed me? Sending me those filthy fucking texts about all the things you wanted me to do to you? Did I get that right?” Azzi is blushing furiously again, but her legs press together at the reminder of those texts.
“Okay, fine. Sometimes I look up edits of you and watch them on purpose when I miss being on the court with you, or looking at you, or your hands on me. Happy?” Azzi bursts out. A satisfied smile snakes its way onto Paige’s mouth. The song restarts for the millionth time. Azzi lets out a harsh breath.
“Listen to the lyrics, baby,” Paige murmurs. “You like these edits? The ones with this song?” Azzi nods, all the fight draining out of her after the admission. “Why do you like these, Az? Tell me.”
“Want you to do it to me,” Azzi whispers. Something hungry flickers in Paige’s eyes.
“Do what to you?” Embarrassment flares in Azzi’s stomach, but she pushes it down and answers anyway.
“Fuck me from behind. Clothes on. Just shove them out of the way.” It’s barely audible, but it’s enough. Paige turns off Azzi’s phone.
“Yeah?” She says, voice low and rough.
“Yes,” Azzi breathes.
“Get up and bend over, then.”
________
It’s been weeks since Paige has seen Azzi. She feels the loss in the space between each rib, the slowness of her heartbeat being dragged through the molasses of her bloodstream, the way her fingertips are a little numb where they’re used to brushing across Azzi’s skin.
So, she’s trying not to think about her girlfriend while she scrolls through TikTok after practice one day. Then that plan crumbles into dust like drywall punched a little too hard.
It’s not a video. It’s a singular picture of Azzi, skin tanned and glowing from time spent in the sun. And Paige could spend hours looking at Azzi’s skin, because she’s in one of the tiniest bikinis she’s ever seen. Her arm is around some girl, probably a fan, but Paige ignores her as soon as she determines the distance between their bodies is completely friendly. Her eyes are immediately back on Azzi’s body, dragging along every curve and dip of muscle.
It’s a little triangle bikini, a scrappy little thing that barely covers Azzi’s tits. The tiniest sliver of flesh peeks out beneath the bottom line of the bikini top, taunting Paige, and more spills out over the top. Definitely more than anything that could ever be appropriate outside of a cruise, Paige thinks. Part of her seethes that anyone other than herself got to see Azzi like this. The other part is incredibly thankful someone did see her girlfriend like that, captured it, and posted it for the internet (and Paige) to see.
She swipes out of TikTok and immediately opens FaceTime.
The call rings three times before Azzi picks up, the camera focusing on Azzi, again in a bikini, lounging on a beach chair.
“You’re so fucking hot. Like– Az. I saw this picture, TikTok, whatever, and you– I mean– jesus, baby. That shit should be illegal,” Paige rambles. Azzi’s eyebrows scrunch together, and she pushes her sunglasses up to rest on top of her head as she squints at Paige on the screen.
“What are you even talking about?”
“That bikini, Azzi! And I had to see it on TikTok instead of from you? Come on, baby. I deserve to have those delivered straight to iMessage,” Paige complains, but her eyes have caught on the ridge of Azzi’s collarbones. The strap of her bikini top hovers over the skin, suspended by bone, and Paige has never wanted anything as much as she wants to suck marks into the divot between bone and flesh. “Fuck, Az. Just wanna see you.” Azzi softens.
“Hey, I would have sent it to you, but the picture wasn’t on my phone. Plus, you can see me right now,” Azzi soothes.
“Yeah, but this is just right now. I wanna be able to look at you all the time. Pull out the bikini picture when I’m lonely and miss you.” Azzi scoffs, but there’s a smile on her face.
“Oh, don’t try to act like you have innocent intentions here. You just want to stare at my tits,” Azzi accuses. Paige coughs.
“No! I’m very respectful. I have only respectful motives. Just wanna appreciate my gorgeous, beautiful, sexy girlfriend. I’m tryna be supportive here, and you’re getting in the way of my… support,” Paige says. Azzi stares at her.
“Really?”
“Okay, fine. I wanna stare at your tits. And your abs. And your arms and thighs and face and collarbones, because holy fuck, Az, I don’t think I’ve ever appreciated your collarbones the way I should have. You might actually kill me. But it’s okay, still send me pictures, because I’ll die happy, I swear.”
Azzi giggles. The two women just stare at each other through the phones for a moment, feeling a world apart and only a breath away at the same time.
“Fuck, I miss you,” Paige whispers, breaking the quiet. Azzi breathes steadily, each inhale and exhale supporting her whole body, as if she’ll fall over if she stops thinking about each breath.
“I miss you too, P. I’ll send you some pictures, I promise. I won’t even make fun of you for wanting pictures of me mostly naked.” Paige lets out a weak laugh.
“Wow, thanks. God forbid a girl wants to stare at her girl sometimes.”
“Through a screen?”
“However I can have you.”
They just breathe for another moment, pretending they’re sharing air. It almost makes the distance feel smaller. Then Paige hears Katie’s voice in the background, yelling for Azzi, and the space is broken.
“I gotta go get ready for dinner now,” Azzi says apologetically. Paige does her best not to let her face fall.
“Yeah, yes, of course. Send me pictures?” She asks softly. Azzi smiles and nods. “Okay. Okay, see you soon.”
“Talk to you sooner. Love you, Paige,” Azzi says.
“I love you, too,” Paige replies. Azzi ends the call, and Paige sits on her couch for a few moments in the silence, missing Azzi’s voice and her warmth and the way her body fits so perfectly into Paige’s.
Then her phone buzzes with a text from Azzi. Paige clicks it open quickly and almost drops her phone. It’s Azzi in a bikini, captured in a bathroom mirror. Paige swallows hard, loves the image, and praises God for Azzi Fudd and triangle bikinis.
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Bob Floyd X F!Reader: Crash and Burn
a/n: I love writing near-death experiences that lead to confessions and smut. It’s a guilty pleasure 😉
Warnings: smut, angst (very tame), cursing, fighting (nothing too bad) near-death experience, emotional conflict, sexual content, explicit smut, mutual pinning, f!reader, no use of y/n, penetration (p in v), semi-public sex (i mean anyone could have walked in), possible me remembering stuff wrong from the movie ( i haven't seen it in awhile okay 🙃)
Word count: 3.4K
Maverick had made it his personal mission to push every pilot past the point of comfort. He was determined to test your limits. You were more than eager to prove you could take the heat.
The sun beat down on the cockpit canopy as you adjusted your helmet, eyes locked on the radar screen. Somewhere out there, Maverick was hunting, pushing you to fly faster, think sharper, and stay alive.
Failure was not an option.
The sky in front of you was clear. It was a beautiful day for a flight. If Maverick hadn’t been hunting you, you were sure you would have enjoyed the scenery a lot more. Unfortunately, your heart was racing with the thought of somehow losing. It wasn’t a real possibility, not in your mind anyway. You were a good pilot and Fanboy was an excellent WSO, so you didn’t have much to worry about.
But then again, you were flying against Maverick. He had proved to you and the rest of the crew that he wasn’t just a legend. He knew his craft, and he wasn’t going to let any of you stop him from doing what he did best, which currently meant beating you.
“Anybody got eyes on him?” Hangman’s voice crackled through the comms, sharp and steady.
You scanned the horizon, muscles tense. “Not yet. But I’m pushing the limits. I’ll call it if I see him.”
Fanboy’s calm voice came over your headset. “Radar’s clear for now, but he’s tricky. Don’t lose focus.”
Your grip tightened on the controls as you adjusted your heading, heart pounding. Maverick was out there somewhere, and this chase was far from over.
And then, almost as if he’d heard you, Maverick appeared out of nowhere. You couldn’t see him yet, but you knew he was there because of the curse Hangman had just let out, followed by the clear sound of the older pilot saying, “Hangman, you’re dead.”
The comms crackled with frantic voices as pilots scrambled to react. You tightened your grip on the controls, eyes darting between your instruments and the horizon. Fanboy’s calm voice came through your headset.
“I see a blip on the radar. Twelve o’clock, fast approaching.”
Your eyes darted to where he was talking about, immediately catching sight of the two jets. You watched as Phoenix and Bob tried to outmaneuver Maverick, zigzagging low, trying to shake the older pilot off their tail. You spotted the ridge up ahead, your heart suddenly clenching as you realized just how close the other two pilots were flying to it.
“They’re too close to the ridge,” you said, voice tight. “Fanboy, tell me if they’re not pulling up.”
“Roger that. They’re pushing it.”
You should probably have been thinking about how to win this game. If Bob and Phoenix got eliminated, that only meant you had a bigger chance of winning. But you couldn’t get your mind to think like that, not as you watched their jet come closer and closer to the ridge.
Your heart was pounding, and it wasn’t because Maverick was hunting you. The jets dipped low, causing your breath to catch.
“Phoenix, Bob, pull up now! You’re gonna hit the ridge!”
Static buzzed, then Phoenix’s voice came through, strained but steady. “We’re fine.”
You knew Phoenix was a good pilot–you trusted her instincts–but you could see where she was going, and it seemed like she was too focused on Maverick to realize just how close she was to the ridge. The way she said it, so calm, so certain, made your blood boil all of a sudden. You were warning her because you cared, and she wasn’t even trying to listen.
“Phoenix, you’re too fucking close. Pull up now!”
There was no response. You fought the urge to shut your eyes, unable to look away even though your mind screamed it was coming. Then, just as you were about to call out again, their jets jolted upward, barely clearing the jagged rocks by inches.
You exhaled sharply, your breath shaky.
“Jesus,” Fanboy muttered in your ear, echoing exactly what you were thinking.
You didn’t answer him. Your eyes were still locked on Phoenix and Bob’s jet, watching it level out.
A second slower and they would’ve been gone.
The rest of the game had gone by in a blur. All around you, pilots were getting eliminated left and right. Maverick was absolutely destroying all of you. But you kept fighting like you had a chance—because maybe, if you believed you would win, you could.
Yeah, right.
Even you knew that beating Maverick wasn’t something you were going to achieve today. Still, your chest swelled with pride when you found out that you and Fanboy were the last ones to get eliminated. Not quite a victory, but still a win in your book.
Unfortunately, you couldn’t even appreciate it the way you wanted to. Your brain kept replaying the sight of Phoenix and Bob’s jet almost crashing into the ridge. The happiness you felt over your small victory was short-lived, immediately replaced by a sudden anger that bubbled up inside you and filled your chest like fire.
The sun was high by the time you all hit the tarmac. Sweat clung to your skin, your body already aching from the endless drills, but it didn’t matter. Maverick had ruled the sky again, and now everyone was paying the price.
“One hundred push-ups,” he’d said flatly. “Rules are rules.”
So you dropped to the ground with the others, hands pressed to the hot concrete, heart still pounding from more than just the exercise.
You were seething.
Each push-up only made the rage worse. You tried to breathe through it, focus on form, on rhythm, on anything else. But your mind was stuck. Stuck on how close they’d come to slamming into that damn ridge.
Phoenix was beside you, gritting her teeth, her form sharp. Bob, quiet as ever, kept his head down and his pace steady.
You didn’t look at either of them.
Once you finished your one hundred push-ups, you were all exhausted. You were equally drained and angry, and you were sure it showed in your facial expressions and body language. That thought was confirmed when Hangman so helpfully quipped, “What's with the face? You suck on a lime or something?”
You gave him your most meaningful glance. He raised his hands in mock surrender.
“Whoa, hit a nerve,” he said with a coy smile.
“Fuck off, Hangman.”
That surprised him because, despite all his teasing, you were always someone he never managed to get under the skin.
He wasn’t the only one who noticed, of course. All eyes had turned to you as you said those words. You could feel Bob’s gaze on your shoulder and Phoenix’s smoldering eyes watching you. You made brief eye contact with Bob, then with Phoenix. Without a word, you exited the room.
You didn’t expect them to come after you—maybe today was a day for unexpected things.
“Can we talk?”
You paused at Phoenix’s voice, then turned around to face her. Your eyes flicked to Bob behind her. He wasn’t cowering, but he did seem to be slightly hiding from you, allowing Phoenix’s body to shield him from your rage.
It made you feel bad for a moment, but then the moment was gone, and you were back to seeing red.
“I don’t know. Are you going to listen to me?”
Phoenix rolled her eyes at you. She would have expected this from someone else. She wouldn’t have expected it from you. But here you were.
“Look, I’m sorry for not listening to you.”
You didn’t hesitate. “Yeah. You should be.”
Her eyes flicked up, sharp. “Look, I said I was sorry.”
You crossed your arms, jaw clenched. “You nearly clipped a ridge trying to show off. That’s not just something you shrug off, Phoenix.”
Behind her, you saw Bob glance over from his locker, brows furrowed like he was debating whether or not to step in.
He didn’t.
Phoenix held your stare for a beat, then scoffed.
“I had it under control.”
You laughed, but there was no humor in it.
“You didn’t. That’s the problem.”
Fanboy stepped between you and Phoenix just as the tension reached a breaking point. His voice was calm, almost tired.
“Everyone’s exhausted. Maybe we should just call it for today—get some rest.”
Phoenix’s eyes flicked toward him, then back to you. You clenched your jaw but didn’t argue.
“Fine,” you muttered.
Without another word, you turned and pushed your way through the hangar doors, needing space. Needing to breathe.
You’d gotten cleaned up and found a space where no one was around, which was kind of a miracle, considering how many people were constantly coming and going. You weren’t hiding exactly, but you weren’t exactly inviting company either.
You didn’t think anyone would be looking for you. You and Phoenix would work it out eventually. She knew better than to come to you when you were angry. And Bob was just as quiet as ever.
So yeah, you hadn’t expected him to come.
Yet there he was, just outside the door, eyes fixed on you.
You only noticed his presence when he let out a soft knock, causing your eyes to shift from the window you’d been staring out of to the other side of the room. He opened the door gently, peeking his head through the opening.
You studied him for a moment. Maybe there was a problem. Maybe Maverick had called an unexpected meeting and sent Bob to find you.
But you were surprised when he let out a soft, “Is it okay if I come in?”
“I don’t own the room, Bob. You can do whatever you want.”
You sounded like a dick—you knew that—and you saw it in the way Bob’s expression shifted, but he shrugged it off and stepped inside.
He took in the way you were standing, posture rigid as you leaned against the window. The anger from before still radiated off you. He’d do what he could to avoid igniting the fire, but he couldn’t keep “fighting” with you without talking it over.
He hated not being able to talk to you. He hated seeing you angry. It had only been a couple of hours, and he was already missing your smile. He wanted to see it again. He’d do anything in his power to make that happen.
“Did you warn her?”
Bob had barely taken a couple of steps when your voice cut through the room. You shifted your gaze to him, silently telling him you were waiting for an answer.
You were sure that, as Phoenix’s WSO, he would have warned her about how close they were getting to the ridge. You knew Fanboy would have been screaming in your ear if it had been you.
“Is that what happened? Did you warn her and she just ignored you?”
Bob hesitated, running a hand through his hair.
“She’s a good pilot. I trust her,” he said quietly. “I knew she had it.”
You shook your head, frustration bubbling up again.
“But she almost didn’t, Bob.”
You strode across the room toward him as you spoke.
“She almost crashed. And if she had, it wouldn’t have just been her life—it would’ve been yours too.”
Bob didn’t move. He let you keep coming closer, each angry step echoing in the quiet room.
“You could have died. Do you get that? You could’ve been up in smoke right now because you didn’t speak up.”
You poked at his chest as you spoke. Bob barely flinched.
“Floyd, are you listening to me?! I could’ve fucking lost you!”
The words hung in the air, heavier than you expected. You blinked, suddenly aware of what you’d just said.
Not “we.”
“I.”
Not “both of you.” Just “you.”
Bob’s eyes widened, just a fraction, catching the change like a spark.
Your hand was still pressed to his chest—no longer sharp like a knife but soft, your palm resting there as if you were leaning on him for support. As if, if you let go at that moment, you would crumble to the ground.
Your breathing shifted. Your lip quivered. Before you knew it, you were crying.
You tried to pull away, tried to hide the tears, but he didn’t let you. He tugged you into him, strong arms wrapping around your frame. His arms tightened around you, steady and grounding, as if to hold not just your body but the storm inside you.
You leaned into him, the tension in your muscles slowly melting away. Your breath hitched when his lips brushed softly against your temple. The feeling seemed to awaken something inside you.
You lifted your head slightly, meeting his gaze.
Bob watched you with a pained expression. He hadn’t meant to hurt you. He would never do that. Knowing that the tears wetting your cheeks were because of him—and from the thought of losing him—made his heart tighten.
You shifted your face softly, mouth opening with slightly sped-up breaths. You brushed your nose against Bob’s, your eyes catching his furrowed brows.
He called your name just before you claimed his mouth.
His lips met yours with a gentle insistence, soft and searching, as if trying to convey everything he couldn’t say with words. Your hands slid up to his shoulders, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as the kiss deepened, becoming more urgent.
Bob’s hands gripped your waist as he gently guided you to the nearest wall. Your back hit it with a soft thud as he pressed in closer, crowding into your space but never overpowering. His lips moved with yours in a slow, deliberate rhythm, like he wanted to memorize the shape of your mouth.
You had started this, but you hadn’t expected Bob to mirror your desire so clearly. He was always so quiet. Always kept to himself, averting anyone’s gaze if they stared at him too long. You knew he could be confident—you’d seen it before—but it was rare, and you weren’t prepared for the kind of need that was seeping out of him now.
Your hands slipped under the edge of his shirt, fingers splaying against the warmth of his skin. His breath caught at your touch, the sound vibrating softly against your lips. He pulled back just slightly, his eyes scanning your face, asking a silent question.
You nodded before he could even get the words out.
“Bob,” you breathed, fingers curling around his wrist as you guided his hand to your waist. “Touch me. Show me you’re real. That I’m not imagining this.”
Your words caught him off guard. You thought you were dreaming? Then what did that mean for him? Had he somehow died and gone to heaven? No. He could feel your warm palms pressed to his chest. Real. Alive. Waiting.
He surged forward, kissing you like he’d been holding back for far too long. His hands slipped beneath your shirt, and when they found bare skin, he let out a quiet groan into your mouth. You helped him peel the fabric from your body, your breath hitching as cool air met overheated skin. He stared at you shamelessly, drinking in the sight of your barely clothed chest. You couldn’t help but smile at the awe on his face.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, almost like he wasn’t sure he should say it out loud.
But he meant it. You could feel the truth of it in the way his gaze lingered, in the slight tremble of his fingers as they traced the edge of your bra. You could tell he wanted to take it off but was hesitating to ask.
You didn’t make him beg—your hands moved to unclip the bra.
Bob’s breath hitched as your breasts bounced free, nipples hardening at the sudden chill. You pulled him closer, guiding his mouth to the side of your neck, tilting your head as his lips explored the sensitive skin there. You felt the drag of his teeth, the wet heat of his tongue, the gentle suction that made your stomach tighten and your knees threaten to give out.
Your hands found the waistband of his pants, undoing the button with practiced ease. He hissed at the contact, burying his face in the valley of your breasts as you slid your hand inside, stroking him through the thin fabric of his boxers.His breath hitched.
“Fuck…”
It came out as a soft whine. Your eyes nearly rolled back at the sound. God, he sounded pathetic, and you fucking loved it.
You stroked him a little harder, feeling the twitch of his cock against your palm, the way his hips instinctively pushed forward. Then you heard a noise outside. Both of you froze for a moment, suddenly reminded of where you were.
You didn’t have much time. As much as you wanted to drag this out as long as possible, you knew you were on an invisible timer. And with how hard Bob was pressing against your hand, and how wet you were feeling between your thighs, you knew leaving without cumming was not a possibility.
“I need you,” you whispered, voice breaking on the words. “Please.”
His gaze softened even as his jaw tightened. “Yeah. Okay. I got you.”
He lifted you like you weighed nothing, your legs wrapping around his waist as he pressed you back into the wall. One hand steadied you, the other guided himself to your entrance.
The moment he pushed into you, slow and fucking delicious, you both gasped. You clung to him, forehead resting against his, your breath mingling in the small space between you.
He started to move, each thrust slow and deliberate, dragging pleasure through your core like waves. The wall at your back grounded you, but it was him—his arms, his steady breath, the way he whispered how good you felt in broken fragments—that made you feel steady. Safe. Present.
You weren’t sure when it happened, but you were crying again. Only this time from the overwhelming ache of it. The kind that came from being seen. From being held like this.
Your hands traced the line of his jaw, tilting his face up so you could look into his eyes—dark, searching, full of everything you’d been holding back. You swallowed hard, your pulse hammering in your ears.
“Almost there,” he murmured, voice wrecked. “Just… stay with me.”
There was nowhere else you’d rather be.
You clawed at his shoulder, nodding as he quickened his pace. You were both hanging off the edge, bodies full of adrenaline and the intense feeling of each other. He drove deeper, every movement raw and urgent, as if trying to bury himself inside you and never let go.
And then his lips found yours again, and something snapped inside you. He swallowed the moan you let out as he came. You felt him tense beneath you, arms tightening around you as his orgasm washed over him.
When it was over, he didn’t let go. Not even for a second.
He held you there, face buried in your neck, your bodies still tangled. He only pulled back when he felt your breath start to steady.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered.
And you believed him.
After a while, both of you got dressed again, laughing as you searched the room for different pieces of clothing. You helped Bob neaten up his hair and clean the smudges off his glasses. He smiled at you as he put his glasses back on, leaning to place a soft kiss to your cheek. You grinned up at him, grabbing onto his hand.
“I’ll talk with Phoenix.”
Your brows furrowed.
“About being reckless. And about listening.”
“Oh. For a second, I thought you were talking about what happened here.”
Bob flushed at the mere thought of Phoenix—or anyone else on the team—finding out just how desperate he had been for you a few seconds ago. Not because he was embarrassed by you, but because he was embarrassed by his lack of control. He should have at least taken you out to dinner.
“Don’t worry about it.”
Bob’s eyes snapped up to look at you. Had he spoken the last part out loud?
“I’ll patch things up with her. I promise.”
Bob smiled.
“Good. Can’t have my favorite girls fighting.”
You raised your eyebrows again.
“I’m one of your favorite girls? I would have never guessed.”
Bob laughed at your mock surprise. Your face spread into a grin. There it was—the smile he loved so much.
#smut#smut fanfiction#smut tag#bob floyd smut#bob smut#robert bob floyd#robert bob floyd x reader#bob floyd x reader#bob floyd#top gun x reader#top gun maverick#top gun fanfiction#top gun smut#top gun maverick smut#top gun maverick x reader#top gun maverick fanfiction#lewis pullman x you#lewis pullman x reader#lewis pullman smut#bob floyd x female reader#bob floyd x you#robert floyd#lewis pullman
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when I was an 11 year old girl I got exposed to online porn through popup camgirl ads, and was already consuming pornography on mainstream porn websites. I remember watching a porn video where an 18 year old girl had her first time with a much older man on camera, and her vagina got torn and she bled and cried, but the cameras kept rolling. it made me think that was what my first time would be like, too.
I stumbled upon "fauxcest" videos of stepfathers watching their stepdaughters showering, and it became my guilty pleasure because I knew it was "wrong". then I would walk out into the family living room late at night and see my father passed out in front of the TV with porn playing on it. I became deathly afraid to show my body around him, or even exit the bathroom after a shower when he was around.
when I was a 15 year old girl struggling with intense social isolation, parental neglect and suicide ideation, I became fully addicted to pornography as a crutch, and the urge to watch it became so strong that I couldn't resist it, even though I was terrified of losing control and relapsing.
when watching it, I went into a numb, senseless trance-like state because the effects of the dopamine overstimulation on my brain were so strong. it genuinely felt like taking a hit of a mind-altering drug: it made it feel as though I loved everything I was seeing & feeling, but as soon as I finished, I would have a nervous breakdown and self-harm out of horror at what I had done, the trauma of the self-betrayal, and the disgusting and violent things I had seen on screen.
when I was in my 20's things got bad again, and I started struggling with resurging relapses; on top of that, I would masturbate and talk to myself like the men talk to women in pornography - I'd call myself a dirty bitch, a useless whore, a disgusting slut, a cum-hungry cocksleeve. I'd pretend to be a pornstar in front of my webcam, and act out men raping me by forcing a dildo into myself so violently that I bled. I felt so worthless and damaged and corrupted that I thought I might as well just... give into it.
then, I discovered the "gooner" cult. at first I thought I had found other people like me - a group of men who had been exposed to pornography since their childhoods, who felt powerless in the face of their addictions, who felt like the porn industry was mentally and physically "raping" them.
but I also saw the way they talked: about teenagers, about the upcoming "porn generation" (gen z and younger). about their very own mothers and sisters (their lifelong "goon fuel"). about how they wanted to be able to cum on their IRL female friends unprompted, to replace their girlfriends with sex dolls, and sexualize every single woman they saw in public. about how they wanted to groom women into being "braindead, bimbo, dick-worshipping, cum-dumpster sex-slaves" and nothing more.
I saw them talk about how they wanted a society where porn posters were plastered on the side of every building, where children were forced to watch their mothers be gangbanged for a porn scene, where girls were forced into camwork on their 18th birthdays. about how hot and hilarious they found it when women left the porn industry traumatized by it. about how they relished in declining deeper and deeper into increasingly more violent, abusive and fetishistic content because it was what they needed in order to get their "fix".
unlike me, they felt no fear, remorse or pain, during or after watching porn. unlike me, talked about how they wanted their addictions to continue, to keep getting worse and worse, forsaking their healths, families, morals and responsibilities in the process.
and then... finally... I heard how radical feminists talked about pornography.
they talked about the overwhelming role human trafficking played in funneling women into the porn industry. they talked about the missing children who had been found through PornHub videos. they talked about the predatory, rapist porn directors who worked behind the camera. they talked about the use of drugs and alcohol they used to keep pornstars numb and vulnerable. they talked about the traumatized women who said they were pressured or forced into violent, abusive fetish scenes.
they shared articles about the standard practices for the physical torture of women for BDSM pornography. they shared articles about men strangling their female partners to death by replicating the "choking" they had seen in pornography. they shared articles about how PTSD rates in prostitutes and pornstars rivals or may even exceed that of war veterans.
they made me finally realize what I had been steadily growing to suspect all along: that pornography is not "just sex videos". it's rape videos. it is designed to promote rape. it is a limbic-capitalist megalith industry that thrives on exploitation and objectification - on selling sex and commodifying addiction, on dehumanizing women and capitalizing on misogyny. that there was absolutely no way to ethically profit off of recorded sex & rape videos, involving real women and real violence, designed to be distributed en-masse to an anonymous, non-age restricted audience in the context of a deeply misogynistic and rape-filled society.
and guess what? I am not afraid of sex. I am not repulsed by depictions of sexuality. I have erotic fantasies. I make erotic artwork. I write erotic literature. I am not a "prude" or a "puritan" or a "fear mongerer". I am quite literally someone with immense personal experience with the harmful and addictive properties of pornography, and immense personal knowledge of the harmful and addictive behaviours that manifest amongst the male porn consumer demographic. and I am basing my opinions about pornography on those experiences.
so don't you fucking dare tell me pornography is "just sex videos" and "can't hurt me". you are uninformed, out of touch, delusional and biased as all hell. you don't have any fucking idea what you're talking about.
So like, it's obvious to me reading the comments on my post that anti-porn people are largely like, afraid of porn. Like the concept of a sex video is really spooky to them. They're not making thoughtful critiques of the porn industry, which is genuinely a really fucked up industry, they're mostly just spooked by the concept of a sex video and what it could Do To You If You See It.
I said this in another post, but it's like, the difference between "a ton of coffee is produced using slave labor" (valid, important criticism of the coffee industry) and "coffee turns people into raving coffee addicts who forget how to interact with anyone because they're so obsessed with their coffee" (objectively not true, insane viewpoint).
It's literally just sex videos. They really cannot hurt you.
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plot: gym crushes are no fun if they don't look your way
content warning: it's toji... so, also gym themed ish, tiny bit of angst
dean's (aka peachy) yap: i always dread writing about toji, but he's so hawt😔. sorry for the constant angst it helps the smut be better

if working out were easy, you wouldn't lose any weight. at least that's what you told yourself. it'd been months, maybe even years, since you stepped foot in a gym. but you told yourself today you would learn how to work out for real, for real.
i mean, the positive self-talk was going well on the treadmill. but once you got on the stair master, all that went to ashes and dust. your calves were burning, and your thighs were trembling. there were a lot of hot buff men around (irrelevant but still important to point out), and they were lifting weights like it was nothing. you couldn't lie that they were making you just a tad insecure.
you got off the stairmaster, leaving that for another day, and heading over to the weights. setting down your stuff, you pulled out your phone, looking at the video of the girl lifting. you watched her formation and how she did it, finding it to be pretty easy.
you sigh, changing the weights on the rack, even that was heavy for you. ‘it wouldn’t be as embarrassing if it weren't the school’s gym,’ you thought to yourself, preparing to squat.
“okay, so she...” you mumbled, starting the squat as your thighs began to shake. “fuck!” you exclaimed before the weight was taken off your shoulders. you let out a breath of relief, standing up straight. when you whipped around, a man stood above you.
you immediately noticed him, i mean, who wouldn’t? toji is the star hockey player of the university, who was known for flirting with any girl who crossed his path. now that you've thought about it, this would become cliche very fast. you could guess what he was about to say, ‘wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself, pretty girl’ or something along those lines.
“y’shouldn’t lift if you don’t know what you’re doing,” he said, looking down at you. you scoffed at the audacity of this man! who says you don’t know what you’re doing? what if you just slipped up a little there?
“who's to say i don’t know what im doing?” you said sassily, watching a smirk spread across his scarred lips. you didn’t know if he was smirking because he was about to rip you to shreds or because he was trying to flirt with you too.
“you clearly didn’t know what you were doing, doll, if you did, you would've had yer feet further apart. may i?” he asked, and you were confused about what he was asking, but you agreed. he lightly tapped your thigh, signaling you to spread them further. “also, keep your feet pointed straight. you were asking for your knees to go out.”
“well, i watched a video and just followed the instructions!” you told him, and he laughed at you. yes. laughed at you thinking that watching a simple video would give you the magic ability to squat correctly.
“that’s cute… what video did you watch?” he asked, peering over your shoulder as you showed him the video. it was so clear that he was trying not to laugh by how his breathing changed. you looked up at him to see his hand over his mouth, and now it was blatantly obvious he wanted to laugh at you. “you tried to learn how to squat by watching some girl’s day in the life video.”
“i mean her knees didn’t give out!” you exclaimed, and this time he full-on laughed at you. there was no way you were serious… oh, you were.
“yeah, because it’s fake,” he patted your shoulder, and you frowned up at the freakishly buff man. and fake, what did he mean by fake? how do you ‘fake’ that?
“what? how do you even fake that?” you frowned up, not believing what he was saying. but the way he effortlessly lifted the weight off your shoulders, you trusted his instruction.
“whatever. let’s start with a regular squat to make sure you won’t almost kill yourself again.” so that’s what you did, you did a squat without the bar, and toji nodded. it was embarrassing, he just stood there with his hand on his chin. “just put your feet a little more than shoulder width. you still have them too close. also, make sure you're not too stiff or too loose…” after that, you zoned out.
you’re pretty sure you heard him saying you were doing well. at least you did get a good workout in, but your legs were sore. you were walking funny the whole next day. your friends swore up and down you met with a sneaky link or something.
nope! just got grilled by toji, that’s all.
“you’re positive you didn’t go see that man?” your friend asked with a squinted eye and you were seriously confused. “ya knowww the one guy from the party?”
“girl ony? hell no, i gave up on that a long time ago.” you waved her off as you walked into the cafeteria. everyone was gathered around looking at something. and of course, your nosey friends just had to go over there and see.
“y/n! look, it was who i was telling you about.” you took your sweet time walking over to where she stood, not interested in whatever they were talking about. “it’s toji, remember i was telling you about how he helped me change my tire.”
at the mention of his name, you perked up. you pulled your head out of your phone, getting interested in what the conversation was actually about. you didn’t like toji or anything. he just so happened to be conveniently attractive and just followed you on instagram yesterday.
“seems like he helps any woman in need,” you mumbled to yourself as your friend showed you the video. it was a live video of a hockey game, which you assumed toji was playing in. 5 seconds into the video, someone pushed toji. “he’s pissed.” you laughed seeing his red face and lifeless looking eyes.
he pushed the guy back, and they got to fighting. it would've been a quick fight had it not been hockey, so now toji and the man fought for a full 15 seconds before the ref tried to break it up. but the ref got roped in, and toji started fighting everyone. two refs, four players from the opposing team, and two extra officials. it took practically the whole team to pull him off the first guy.
you had to admit that seeing him fight made you want to go to the gym. in hopes that you’d see him and be able to tease him about his anger. so you made it a point to stalk his instagram to see when he was back (totally not creepy).
the day he posted about being back in town, you went to the gym. did the treadmill and even did the stair master without almost dying. but you did scan the gym, noticing toji’s tall stature the moment you walked in.
once it was time to lift, you shyly walked to the weights. today, you decided to do hip thrust, which is not embarrassing since you haven't done this before either. but boy oh boy, didn’t you get lucky because the person you were waiting for approached you today.
“back at it again, hopefully not with another video,” he laughed, and you shook your head proudly, standing up. “no? what did you watch today?” he asked with a smirk, looking down at you.
“well, i watched a video, but it was a personal trainer. and it’s always easier if someone shows me in person,” you bat your lashes, looking up at the strong man who has his arms crossed. he gave you a look that you couldn’t read, but it looked like he wanted to laugh.
“you askin’ me t’show you how to do it, doll?” he asked, and you nodded with a full-on smile, he sighed. “so what are you doing?”
“hip thrust,” you tell him, and he hummed with a nod. he helped you fix the bar and move everything around. you didn’t even have to lift a finger. the big, strong man did all the heavy lifting until it was time for him to demonstrate for you. he placed the bar on his lap, showing you how to do the hip thrust. “do this often?” you asked, enjoying the view of his strong body thrusting into the air.
“yeah, often,” he snorted, getting from under the bar, nodding at it. “your turn,” he says, and you mirror his actions, starting the hip thrust. toji was shamelessly staring at you, not caring who saw his growing tent. but when you finished your rep, he quickly adjusted himself as you turned around.
“wasn’t too bad,” you say, legs a little shaky, and toji hummed.
“do that often?” he asked, repeating your early statement, and you nod with a smirk. “never going to do arms?”
“i did em yesterday, you just weren’t here to teach me,” you say, leading into your teasing. “too busy fighting on ice or whatever…” you said, giving him a small glance as you went back to doing your second rep.
“so you watched my game?” he asked, and you scoffed.
“no, i was…hah... forced to see you… fight the whole damn stadium,” you said out of breath from the workout you were doing.
“if he wouldn’t have talked so much shit i wouldn’t have had to beat his ass,” he explained sounding like he was getting mad all over again. all you did was laugh as you finished the set. toji decided to use the equipment next to you. but it got hard to focus with a sweaty ripped toji doing deadlifts next to you.
as time went on, you and toji ended up working out together. having casual conversations about hockey and your everyday hobbies. he actually wasn’t a bad person, and he was funny, crude, but funny. even the dirty jokes landed, which surprised you since you weren’t a big fan of them.
he made working out fun, he even showed you his workout playlist. you immediately told him his music taste was horrible, and he was offended. you showed him yours, and he told you it was horrible. it didn’t hurt your feelings, considering toji didn’t know any of the people or songs in yours.
“you’ll be back tomorrow, won’t you?” toji asked, leaning against the roof of your car as you started it up.
“yeah, i’ll be back, why?”
“wanna see ya? is that a problem?” he asked you with a smirk, and you laughed at that statement. him? want to see you?
“yeah sure, toji, see you tomorrow,” you said as he watched you drive off. but all good things come to an end, like your weird friendship/physical trainer/ flirtationship you had. because when you went into the gym, there was toji teaching another girl how to lift. why were you a little jealous? your chest kind of burned a little bit, like you just got cheated or something.
but you went ahead and did your workout, not bothering to watch the two of them work out. you kept your headphones on, going about your routine. you worked out your arms, which was an exercise toji wasn’t there to teach you. so you did what you had to, not worried about hearing toji laugh with that girl and grab her waist to teach her just like he did you.
“oh, y/n, you’re here!” he said, and you hummed, taking one side of the headphones off, continuing your workout. he came over to where you were, not ashamed that the other girl was watching the two of you. “sorry, i couldn’t help you today, doll.”
“it’s no problem, you had more important business to attend to,” you said, putting your headphones back on, finishing your workout. toji was a little dense, he thought you were saying it in a nice way and not a you just pissed me off way.
“i promise to help you tomorrow,” he says with a smile, going over to help the girl.
“sure,” was all you could say to the small turn of events that unfolded before you today.
to be continued...
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