#I actually don't know if it's test drive it sounds like it idk

[chaoticfvckingdisaster]

That scene in httyd when Toothless is helping Hiccup walk with his new fake left leg, and the camera is behind them and Toothless swings his tail behind him missing the left tail wing as test drive plays softly in the background?

Peak cinema.

[f0point5]

As if you couldn't turn Max watching her breathe into a masterpiece, don't lie🙄 idk maybe they're driving around in her new car and they coincidentally see Elliot😂 would be a nice reprieve from *clenched teeth* freddie

Sooo.

I tried to incorporate a bit of Max watching her just breathe because it’s funny. But also Elliot. But also the car.

But also mostly I was just freaking out because the male perspective is so alien to me. This might suck. We’re going to be KIND if it sucks because I’m just a girl okay men don’t make sense to me.

Anyway, I’m deciding to name this one because this is what I was listening to when I wrote it.

✨set during winter break✨

Call It What You Want To

“How do you take this long to get ready?” Max groans in frustration, dragging his hand over his face.

He’s been waiting 45 minutes. Not the longest he’s ever waited for you, but he’s been looking forward to this night out for two whole days. After everything that’s gone on in the last couple of weeks, and how none of that is likely to be resolved before Testing next week, he could really use a drink or twelve.

“I’m almost done,” he hears you call back, your tone telling him you’re unbothered by leaving him waiting. “Do you want everyone to think you have an ugly girlfriend?”

Max opens his mouth to reply but closes it just as quickly. What is he supposed to say to that? That no one on earth has ever thought his girlfriend is anything less than breathtakingly beautiful, so much so that it stopped him for thinking you could ever be his girlfriend more than once? That sometimes during a race he looks at the tv screens on the track in case you’re on camera? That whenever he passes the picture of you in his hallway he thinks he’d have hung it up even if he didn’t know you, because you’d still be the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen? No. He’s not saying any of that. Three months is way too soon to let you know that you could use his balls as earrings. It’s not like you need a bigger head.

“I want my girlfriend to get to the club before it closes,” he shouts, stifling a smile. It’s been three months, but he still likes saying girlfriend.

“You’re such a drama queen,” he hears you say, your voice getting closer as you make your way to the living room. “We can’t all just put on a t-shirt with a funny saying on it and-“

You stop when you round the couch and finally notice him staring at your slinky black satin dress. Actually, he’s staring at the parts of you not covered by the dress, which gives him a lot to stare at. He might just give everyone what they want and quit driving if they could promise him he’d only have to lol at you in this dress for the rest of his life.

“What?” You ask him, which has him blinking furiously, trying to focus. You’re holding out a pair of heels to him, the ones you bought with the gift card his dad’s wife had given you for your birthday.

“Nothing,” he says, taking the shoes from you. He shifts off the couch to kneel in front you, lifting your leg to put the shoes on your foot and do up the buckle. “You look good,”

Above him, he hears you chuckle, and then your fingers run through his hair. You’re petting him like a cat, and he’ll be damned if he ever admits how close he feels to purring.

“Why does that still sound like it’s painful for you to admit?” You tease, using a bit more of your nails on the final run through of his hair.

“It’s not painful,” he tells you winding the glittering strap around your ankle.

It’s not painful. Sometimes it’s a lump in his throat, or a tightening in his chest. Sometimes, when he’s on one knee in front of you like he is now, it’s an urge to say something he can’t yet find the words for. But no, it’s not painful.

He finishes with your other shoe, squeezing your calf gently before placing a kiss on the inside of your knee.

“You’re just painfully gorgeous,” he says as he gets to his feet. “Can we go?”

You roll your eyes at him with with a smile. “Your car or mine?”

********************

He chooses to take your car. Every time he gets in your Ferrari, he thinks about Vegas. He drives it often.

He weaves through the streets of Monaco with one hand on your thigh, and he can’t remember where the fuck he was putting that hand before you.

“The thing is, unless the contract gets sorted next week, he’s totally fucked,” you’re saying as Max turns onto Avenue Princesse Grace. There’s a gaggle of people outside with their phones out. Simply fucking lovely. “You’re not listening to me are you?”

Max turns to you, squeezing your thigh as the car slows. “Of course I am, Engel. Do me a favour? Just say fuck again, a bit slower,”

“You’re twelve,”

“You would not have gone out with me at twelve,” Max jokes, slowing to a stop in front of Twiga as a valet comes towards the car.

“You were cute at twelve,” you say, “fourteen is where it started to go haywire,”

Before he can respond, you’re getting out of the car, and immediately the camera phones are focused on you. Max follows you out, handing the keys to the valet as he tries to ignore the feeling of being hunted. He wonders if they know he can hear every word they’re saying. He wonders if they’d like him to take their picture and post it all over the internet. He watches you slink through the crowd towards him, not even bothering to pretend you’re not being watched.

It’s ironic, he thinks, he brings the spotlight, but you’re the one who shines in it.

Inside the lobby, you head straight for the elevator while he talks to the woman at the front desk- it’s a well rehearsed routine. Lando isn’t here yet, typical. He asks if they can send over some St. Tropez cocktails and some gin tonics, and texts Lando to hurry up, before turning to join you at the lifts.

Except, he notices, you’re not alone. You’re standing by the lifts, with a big smile on your face, explaining something to a guy with a familiarly large head.

Max has seen Elliot around a couple of times. Monaco is stupidly small, especially in the winter when it’s nearly empty. The two men always studiously ignore each other, because what is there to say? Max doesn’t know if Elliot knows that you’re together now, and he knows it shouldn’t matter, but it does.

He didn’t hate Elliot in Austin, even though he’d planned to. But then they’d met and Max found he really couldn’t hate someone who was as smitten with you as he was, as he’d always been.

He finds that he kind of hates Elliot now, though, as he gets close enough to hear you giggle at something.

“No. It was actually okay, just cold, you know?“ you stop when Max places a hand on the small of your back, where you dress is low enough that he’s touching your skin. You turn to him. “Oh, hey. Is Lando here?”

Max shakes his head.

“Typical.” You sigh. “Max, you remember Elliot, right?”

“Yeah.” He says, and they shake hands. How are you?”

“Can’t complain,” Elliot says with a shrug. His shirt matches your dress. Fuck him.

“Well, you can if you want,” Max jokes, except it’s not a joke because he hates those Britishisms. If you want to say something just say it. And if things are fine and you have nothing to complain about why make it sound- he just doesn’t like the guy. And he doesn’t like that you liked the guy.

Mercifully, the lift arrives, and when it does, Max steps aside.

“You take this one,” he says, gesturing to the open lift. Elliot looks like he wants to refuse out of politeness in the way only English people do, so Max forces himself to put everyone out of their misery. “It’s the least I can do,”

It’s such a dickhead thing to say, but he can’t help but smirk, and it does the trick. Elliot gives both of you a tight lipped smile and steps into the lift, pulling out his phone as the door closes.

You turn to face him, his hand falling away from your back as you fix him with a quizzical look. He waits for you to chastise him for his comment, then wonders fleetingly if you’re comparing him, in his silly t-shirt and tight jeans, to Elliot in his perfectly crisp chinos. Then he finds himself staring at your lips.

“Oh, right,” you say suddenly, tapping his shoulder. “That’s what I was saying. So this builder says he’s ordered all the materials, but he has to no contract. And my dad…”

Max listens to you talk, winding his arms around your waist in a way he’s still getting used to, and you smile at him in a way he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to. He promises himself then never to get angry with you when you’re getting ready. You’re worth the wait.

[kushami-hime]

CW: H/otwings shipping fuel, D/abi being smug, sneezing, sniffling, allergy fit, slightly stuffy talk, allergy talk, wet & slightly rapid sneezes, stifles & half stifles.

D/abi can't help but notice that something is off about the Number 2 hero. He's sniffling, sneezing, and looking like more of a mess than usual. Maybe it's time he earned himself a bit of entertainment. Even villains need to have a bit of fun every once in a while, right?

Here we are guys...first real h/otwings wav. First attempts at both D/abi and H/awks and...erm, well...it could be better ouo; I know I have a habit of being too hard on myself but ffs I did so well with the test sneezes but when it came time to do the actual wav they did not hit as well as I was hoping.

I do have two other H/awks wav scripts in my drive (one w/ snzfucker listener and another with cold denial involving E/ndeavor who I know I can't voice act for shit unless if I pitch shift my voice into the core of the planet but the script was fun to write). So if for some reason anybody wants to actually hear more of my H/awks, lemme know. And that goes for D/abi too, but idk what his snz will sound like @u@

I'll be doing some comfort wavs and idk if you guys would prefer them to be sick! listener or not so lemme know about that as well.

Anyway, enjoy lovelies! <3

Characters are canonically in their 20s (H/awks at 22 and Dabi between 20 & 25) so you butthurt anons can't get pissy at me for making kink content THIS time around, muahaha.

As always MINORS DNI. VANILLAS DO NOT REBLOG!

[ya-girl-static]

Hornet Ball, Chapter 2: Call the Ball

Up on AO3 now! Random bits of extra context and fun facts in "as they, or the thing they remind me of, come up in the fic" order below.

This fic isn't set with an exact date in mind beyond "90s-ish," because I was smart enough to go "it's a modern Etheria/90s USA mashup" instead of worrying about period slang and which aircraft upgrades when and all that shit. The IFLOLS was first tested in 1997, but given that's what the ship in DCS has and also it's like 2-3 times as precise and that sounds more impressive... IFLOLS it is!

I actually originally was writing this with Catra having basically NVG levels of night vision, but it turns out irl cats can see about 10 times better than humans at night, and iirc NVGs are like. 1,000.

Waveoff: Navy version of a go-around. So called because the LSO back in WWII had two sets of paddles (this is also why they're nicknamed "paddles"!), and they would physically wave a pilot off with the paddles. Idk all the hand signals, but I do know that was one of them!

It's a common misconception that pilots just fly the jet with their name on the side. Not true! In most instances, actually, they'll fly a completely random jet. The flight schedulers don't care about names for the most part, so they'll usually just have whichever jet is most convenient at the time. There are a few exceptions to this which I'm happy to get into if anybody wants, but your typical flight is not one of them.

On the topic of overstressing: The Hornet has a digital flight control system that will actually limit how much the control surfaces deflect at speed. You can pull the stick all the way back and it'll only ever give you 7.5 gees, unless you hit the G override switch (the "paddle switch" at the base of the stick, also used to disconnect the autopilot and the nosewheel steering, depending on what's going on when you hit it). Also have a fun story about that if anybody wants it but I don't want this post getting TOO long.

DLC is A) short for Direct Lift Control, and B) only on when the flaps are down, though even I have to admit clarifying that in the fic itself is going too far into the weeds. She won't be using it until 10 miles or so when flaps/gear/etc all come out.

"Your signal is tank" is stupid phrasing IMO. "Your signal is (the thing that you need to go do)"? Just say "hit the tanker." It is, however, apparently what the 90s Navy said, according to the book Raven One, which if you've actually read, you'll recognize a decent amount of the events in this chapter from (a lot of the rest being from the "F-14 Barricade" episode of the F-14 Tomcast).

"The number" is the minimum amount of fuel a jet can have before it's supposed to be barricaded. They don't really barricade jets any more, more in favor of a controlled ejection alongside the ship if they can't trap, but it used to be as soon as you got low enough on fuel with no tanker available, up goes the barricade.

"Bullseye" refers to the ICLS needles. "Needles" refers to the little circle in ACLS that goes inside a bigger circle. Don't ask me why, this fact drives me nuts.

See you next time!

[caffeinated-chaos-bean]

Idk whether to laugh or cry lmao

Well guys --

I've been in town for 9hrs today. :'D

So my mom and I left the house around 10am so we could go pay the car insurance bill and such before my 1:30pm physical therapy appointment but apparently there is a curse going around because just like Shanna (and I now find out, Kaz as well today) WE GOT A FLAT FUCKING TIIIIIIRRRRREEEE. To make it even better, for whatever reason, both ATT and Verizon cell service was out completely and was even impacting people being able to call 911. Landlines in some places weren't even working. So we had to drive out car with its flat tire to the parking lot of my work and use their phone in order to call AAA to get a tow. Thankfully they found the spare tire we weren't sure we even had and put that on for us, so we got to immediately go and get the tire fixed. The culprit? A NAIL.

That got over at 12:45pm and then we went to the bank and pulled $100 so we could pay the car insurance (it was $83, the rest went to mom's ciggs). Then we forgot we needed gas and had to run and quicky get gas before running to the other end of town to make it to my physical therapy appointment. The appointment went well, aside from half the already scheduled future appointments WERE ON DAYS I WORK AND I CANT DO THEM. So only 2 of the 10+ days they pre-scheduled actually work (9/5 and 9/13) and the rest have to be re-worked. >n<

THEN we went to get groceries and coffee, hoping to relax for at least another hour back home before my 4pm appointment with my new primary care doctor. By the time we get halfway home? NOPE NO TIME TO RELAX FOR US. We barely had time to get what refrigerated groceries we had put away (dry goods left in the bags on the table) before we had to hop back in the car and make it to my primary care appointment on time. On the way there, mind you, we got tailgated halfway there and when my mom and I both flipped the dude off (and I even turned around in the passenger seat to glare at them) he decided to tailgate FURTHER and actually FOLLOW US the rest of the way there before turning off when he saw we were turning into the doctor's office. I'm not joking when I say that I had the spare car key clutched between my fingers in case I needed to stab someone in the neck in self defense. @n@

This appointment went well and lasted almost an hour and a half, and thankfully this new doctor seems to actually DISCUSS what my health currently looks like opposed to my old doctor??? This brings me to where I'm at in not knowing whether to laugh or cry because its just the icing on the top of the cake.

We went over my previous blood tests that I had done back in June. Aside from having read over those horrible results, the doctor said she could tell just from looking at the orange-ish tint of my nails that I was showing signs of being highly anemic. I also had my bloodwork explained to me for the first time in forever and it made sense and honestly doesn't sound good. Essentially, my red blood cells are too small and too tight to properly do their job and circulate oxygen in my body and carbon dioxide out of my body, and so alongside that, my platelets are working 10x as hard as they need to (ie. swelling) in order to cover for the red blood cells being so small and to ensure that if I ever needed a major surgery or got a major injury that I don't bleed out from it. Along with that, the triple-digit heart rate spikes I've been having?? Yeah not normal either.

What I'm looking at in the future from all of this??

I need to get an EKG and a 2-View Chest X-Ray. I got a Vitamin B12 injection today and will be getting one each month for the next 6 months. I also have to wait for a call from Hematology/Oncology because my red blood cells are so fucked up that I have to have a BLOOD INFUSION!!!

Below, this image perfectly describes my brain after all of this:

[having-conniptions]

Love In The Air episode 11 live reaction under the cut (long post)

We're gonna get a kiss in this episode aaaaaaaa

Hahaha the way he gently rejected her

Namtan is so underrated lol she's an icon

"I'll tell you what I wanna eat if you can fly to Beijing to buy it today" listen Sky I appreciate you going full sugar baby princess mode but it's not good for the environment

Prapai is so whipped we love to see it

Hahaha what an entrance Rain

The good old paper roll bonk, Sky you mean to tell us you don't have siblings but do the most sibling thing ever?

Pai being questionable again... telling Joy that he and Sky are a couple and asking her for a key card to Sky's room...

Sleepy baby Sky too sleepy to be tsundere

"It's fading. What do I do?" PLEASE WHY IS HE SO CUTE that's like sooooo close to a confessio

THE WAY I GASPED WHEN THEY FINALLY KISSED yeah if I was Prapai I wouldn't have been able to hold back in that moment either omg the softness of it all

WHAAAAAT WTF THAT WAS JUST IN PAI'S HEAD?? boy I feel u

Also that kiss was exquisite lemme rewind

But yeah Sky is way too sleepy rn

The hand kiss aaaaaaa

The cheek kiss AAAAAA

...huh? Sky calling Prapai and telling him to come over?

HAHAHAHA HE CALLED HIM TO ASK HIM FOR HELP WITH HIS HOMEWORK boyyyy we both know you just wanted an excuse to see him

SKY'S SHIRT SAYS "MORE THAN FRIENDS LESS THAN LOVERS" boiiii u ain't subtle

THE WAY HE JUST KISSED HIM AND PAI MANAGED TO STAY MAD??? bruh u should have melted like a normal person

Whaaaaat why is Sky being so cute he's not even trying to be a tsundere anymore

He has literally given in this was him basically going "actually I do want to kiss you" this is everything Pai wanted... yet Pai can't accept it bc he's gotta sulk a little more xD

Now that Prapai is being cold Sky is absolutely falling over himself

Very smooth of Pai to just go to sleep in Sky's bed and fall asleep before Sky can kick him out... but he still looks mad even while sleeping

Homoerotic bike sharing ftw

I absolutely LOVE Pai's surprised face when Sky kisses him it's too good

Awwwwww Rain's gushing about Phayu and Sky is thinking about Prapai... <3

HAHAHAHA "P'Phayu is not the only one who's cool and handsome and the best" OH YEAH SKY WHO ELSE? CARE TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS?

"This is bad." Oh no babyyy he's still scared to get hurt (because obviously falling in love doesn't miraculously undo trauma)

Pai in that gray tanktop? Yes please.

Lmao he's deleting numbers of old hookups

Omg it's a wind pin that's so cute

"Go clean the bathroom" HAHAHA HE IS AWARE OF THE POWER HE HOLDS OVER PAI AND HE HAS NONPROBLEM USING IT

Wait is he doing this so he has an excuse to kiss him again as "payment" because while it does sound kinda cute I think he needs to stop viewing intimacy as a currency

Ok maybe he's doing it as a test or to drive him away

The way I GASPED bc Sky has gone back to his old "he's only doing all this because he wants to fuck me" way of thinking nooo babyyy

"I sound like a dick" congrats Pai you finally realized hahahaha

HUH???? Welcome to another round of "does Sky actually want this or is he doing what he thinks is expected of him?"

Idk all of this strikes me as so utterly unromantic and I'm so confused that I can't even enjoy it... "please get bored of me soon" HUH???

The kiss that Prapai imagined gave me 100x more butterflies than this...

And now he's thinking "please don't get bored of me" ? I'm so confused

"I slept with you so you'd stop pestering me" uh... for real or is he just being a tsundere again? Bc I feel like he hasn't fully admitted to himself that he actually likes Prapai (even though he secretly knows he does) which makes all of this rather uncomfortable to watch

Ok he's teasing but still idk what to make of all of this

Oh no not Pai asking about the piercing

Oh no his ex actually did the piercing wtf

I still feel like Sky is trying to keep his distance emotionally

But he's also smelling and cuddling Pai's shirt awwwwww

Hahaha Rain's braincell is working so hard it's got smoke coming out of it

Bonus scene: bro don't tear out the whole page that's wasteful af

[slow-button-off]

What do you think about George Russel ? Some people consider him on the same level as Max and Lewis (and Charles ?).

I find it difficult to judge this year because Lewis tested a lot of stuff and had bad luck. We know he is really consistent. But what about everything else ? Can he make that much of a difference ? Would he be a the same level as Charles ? Maybe both of them a bit behind Max and Lewis ?

I struggle to build a proper opinion on George. He is clearly very talented but where exactly I would put him idk.

In the Williams it was hard to tell because it was a shitbox and his teammates were meh. I mean Latifi just now was not great. But you could see that he was fast.

And now he is in a good car for the first time but it's still not really a good car so it's still hard to tell because Merc are in their own no-man's land most races. And the comparison with Lewis isn't really on because of what you said. So there were a lot of races when he was just driving on his own not too involved in anything.

I wouldn't put him quite up there yet, I think he still has some room for improvement. I also wouldn't put him up there with Charles. I think Charles also has room for some improvements but a lot of that comes with experience and experience in cars that can actually win races.

That doesn't mean he can't be I just wouldn't put him up there yet.

I also have a hard time assessing him because I don't really like him as a person that whack of Valtteris head was not ok in any way. And the Merc PR annoys me because he sounds like Toto's long lost son and I don't like toto. So I don't pay that much attention to him in half the races.

[mangodestroyer]

You know, I did wonder for a while if trauma caused me to become avoidant. But then I realized something: I was quite literally never all that interested in socializing with people as a young child. I mean, the way I behaved as a toddler was just so fucking bizarre that it made people concerned. My parents tried to socialize me and all, but it was just so obvious I never enjoyed it. Idk why. I just literally did not care to participate in the world the same way other people do. I just wanted to fuck off and do my own thing.

It was so bad that I was given an autism test and deemed borderline autistic (literally, how was I not just considered autistic?) I was diagnosed with a communication disorder and given all these therapies. Yeah, eventually I got the memo that I have to do this whole "human" thing, but I HATED it. I wanted to do MY thing and I feel like being forced to assimilate caused me to lose myself big time.

Well, I think I'm finding myself again, and finding a way to adapt well enough where I can co-exist with the NTs enough where they aren't too put off by me, but also to where I don't feel like I'm oppressing myself in doing so. So that's a plus.

But seriously, why am I like this? It feels like it's a lot more than just extreme introversion, and I'm beginning to think it was never a trauma thing either. I was even like this as a BABY. Just very different. I literally can only develop extreme interests in certain things, and I just don't care to live life the same way other people do. I do want to have deep connections with people, but for the most part, I just can't seem to do it. There's just something about a lot of people's energy that isn't vibing with me. And I so easily feel overstimulated. In fact, my idea of an ideal relationship with someone just sounds so primitive and not what other people want. I either just want to talk to people about things that we find interesting, or with a romantic partner, just have someone to cuddle and all and I would still love them even if we didn't see each other every day. But I still want to sleep in my own bed sometimes because I can only share a bed for so long before it becomes too much. But I also want to spend holidays and such with them. And do things with them. While also having alone time to decompress.

Is this an autism thing? Idk, it seems kind of extreme, whatever it is. It's actually caused me lots of problems in the adult world. And I've tried talking to therapists about it, and all they tell me is that it's probably autism, and that the way I am is just very different, but not "bad." If anything, they tell me that they think it's the reason why I have such a high aptitude for math (and no, I didn't know until way later on that I was tested off the charts in my non-verbal intelligence as a child, while having such poor verbal skills, which ig is a sign of autism).

Still, that doesn't mean it was easy for me to get used to college, or work, or the dynamics in adult relationships. I struggled. A lot. And I suffered a lot too. I think for a while I was definitely showing signs of a severe mental illness. And I don't feel like I take care of myself the way a normal adult would. And I still don't know how to drive. I feel like I have a lot of executive functioning problems, to the point where it's unacceptable. And somehow people have faith in me, despite just finding me a little strange. I actually didn't think I'd manage to keep a job for very long, but I've worked at my current place for two and a half years and have even been acknowledged for the work I do. Um... I didn't think I was a good employee for the longest time tho?

Idk, I think I'm coming to accept that I just won't ever be "normal." I mean, I gave up on that a while ago. Idk if I can even fully explain this. It's just become very obvious to me that yeah, these are not normal human behaviors.

[honking-up-a-storm]

7/5/23

Oh it's even more dead than it was Monday, I guess everyone is all partied out. I'm not cuz I didn't do shit for the 4th. Though right now I feel a bit nauseous cuz I haven't eaten yet today. Last night was bad cuz of my period but I had that sick gut feeling that something bad was happening. Nothing came of it that I'm aware of, but it's been months since I felt it. So it was kinda startling. I know I blabbed on about how I'm not into other worldly shit, but IDK, my guy usually isn't wrong with that exact feeling of pure dread. It's been a few months since we've seen (Friend), rationally I know he's fine but that fight was absolutely brutal. If we had both just kept our cool [Friend] wouldn't have had to do what he did. It's scary watching someone fall like that. Don't fucking make that joke about the situation, oh my god why would I think that? Probably because it is a little funny with context. Let's just say that [friend] is good at pushing people out of his space like that. At least I made that joke now and not the minute after like {friend} did. Though she was being completely genuine saying it was a " Mario 64 moment" and it's funny bc she wasn't wrong tbh. Aside from my regulars who said that they'd be here today I really don't think I'm gonna have anyone today. Which is good cuz I don't feel good. Am I scared? I've been dreading seeing the security guard again, he left me alone Monday but I still have the whole summer ahead of me. I can't let my paranoia get the better of me I have to get mad and stay mad and stand up for myself. I mean that's what I told myself the last time I needed to confront someone who could physically harm me, and then I just froze. I always freeze. It's instinctual and it's dangerous. It's not logical for my body to think if I just stay still and stay quiet nothing bad will happen to me. Off topic but I'm wondering if I'm autistic again. And I feel bad cuz before when I was wondering out loud it probably sounded like I didn't want it/not open to the idea of having it/ thought it was bad/ ect when really I was just worried that if I was wrong id be invading that space on accident. But there's a lot of things about myself I'm cross examining with other autistic people that are making me think so. I know I'm feeling a hell of a lot better now that I've stopped masking a lot of things (though yelling in the middle of the city while vocal stimming might've been too much that one time) Paul Mccartney what the fuck are you doing here? Man it's only been an hour. Don't know why I'm surprised this usually only takes one hour. The lot is kinda filling up now. I should put my sunscreen on. Anyways right, Autism. Lots of things I did when I was younger kinda point to it; even though I was checked twice I don't think either count. The first one was in the 2-3rd grade and they were mainly focused on me just not falling behind, they didn't care about behavioral things bc I was a kid they thought I'd grow out of it. The other was primarily to get my ADHD diagnosis, he wasn't looking for Autism. So yes I fully believe I should get re-tested, no stupid online quizzes, I need an actual doctor who preferably has autism themselves to help me find out. I need to make a list of traits I've noticed so I can remember what to tell them.

Notes: Can people stop leaving thier cars running near me? It's already hot as shit today.

- I wanna steal that pretty green car over there, it would be easy the windows are down. It's probably a standard tho.

- Punch buggy dreams slightly restored, second time around it's easy to drive.

[princess-of-the-corner]

ask hc: who relates to which of these "shit my friends, classmates, and I said/did" things:

*wielding a book* "the next person who tells me they love me on a dare gets their ass kicked"

*repeatedly hit a guy over the head with a computer*

"of course kubrick filmed the moon landing"

"let's give our stats teacher this homemade, probably poisonous kimchi"

(on a related note to 4) "what made you think it was a good idea to let me decide how much salt to put in this?"

(also on a related note to 4) "...why is he walking around with a head of cabbage?"

"you almost set my clothes on fire"

"of course your ideal world is a communist dictatorship"

"can I get a cardboard cutout of stalin?" (not the person from 8)

"I was so happy when I thought the ceiling tile fell on you" - "aw, same!"

"if the substitute teacher doesn't show up, we don't have to take the test"

*sprinting to a sink with a ball of stuff on fire* (not the same person as 7)

"did you just have to google who marie kondo is?"

*happily clicking an empty thing of pencil lead*

"so let me tell you how I stapled my finger" - "please stop, that's disgusting"

"I've known you for half a year and I don't have a clue how to spell your name"

"no I don't know how to forge someone's handwriting, but my friend does"

"this guy has his legs tangled in my skirt"

"everyone's so tall" - "yeah, and I'm like half a foot shorter than you" - "oops"

"the last thing you drew is what's going to kill you" - "uh... a girl holding a knife to another girl's throat?"

"it only took me a year and a half to nanowrimo"

"you're actually a computer" - "I wish"

(in two separate physics classes) "you can't zoom call and drive" - "he's zoomin'"

"you can't read my fanfic" - "but you read all of mine"

*punching a printer repeatedly* "print goddamnit I have ten minutes make a 15 minute drive to school" *sells soul to satan on the way over, makes it to class on time*

"you have the flu-" - "-I have five tests this week"

Mari, probably. She has a lot of suitors over Canon.

I'd say Max but he doesn't want to damage the computer.

Zoé and Nino both agree on this one.

Kim, wanting to avoid a test.

Also Kim.

Alya, who is concerned about Kim's plans.

Adrien or Juleka at Mari. She had a vision for this photoshoot.

This sounds like a Zoé line but idk who it's aimed at.

Nino, trying to recreate Bill and Ted for his history project.

Alix and Kim

Adrien, believing things he read online

Chloé or Luka

Rose @ Mari(who has been so focused on being LB she missed popular things)

Also Rose

Kim and Everyone

Adrien @ Marinette

Chloé about Sabrina

Kim but he's talking in third person

Chloé and Alix

I know Nath isn't part of the squad yet but this is for him. Juleka is the runner up.

Alya

Kim and Max

Adrien or Kim

Adrien and Alya

Sabrina

Everyone @ Marinette

[colorisbyshe]

your taste in music intrigues me. some of the songs are a bit much for me but its cool to see songs from artists besides the three musicians tumblr constantly cycles through. what else have you been listening to this year? could be released whenever

Hmmm, this is much tougher because my taste in music is so scatter shot it's hard to say what music I've been listneing to "this year" cause like I'll get reobsessed with a song I listened to 20 years ago for 2 days and forget it exists.

That said, my music taste isn't particularly exceptional. If you wanna find good music on tumblr, just follow people with good taste in music! I follow some people with TRULY amazing taste in music but I'm not mutuals so I don't wanna tag this but if you message me off anon ajnd tell me what music I like that YOU like, I'll share their urls

But hmmm 10 songs I've been listening to this year will be ten songs I've added to my phone this year (but did not come out this year) and they are:

"Listen!!!!" by Aly and Aj. The whole album blows me away but this song has such a bittersweet quality while still being energetic. I really wanna blare this song while driving on a warm but windy day

"Baby Don't Play" by Wonder Girls. Kpop song with beautiful, full vocals. I love when there are songs that make you want to dance while also like clutching your chest because the lyrics/vocals. Great use of bass and synth.

"Anthonio (Designer Drugs Remix)" by Annie. This is like THE most generic blond girl europop (if you know waht I mean) and that's what makes it so fucking GOOD. Sometimes, if it isn't fucking broke, don't fix it!!!!! OH ANTHONIO MY ANTHONIO DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY OR WHERE AM I NOW? DO YOU EVER FEEL ASHAMED, DO YOU EVEN FEEL A THING?

"Everblue" by Omoinotake. It's the Blue Period OP and it's soooo jazzy and smooth. Again, upbeat music meets a bit of sadder, nostalgic lyrics and it's just... so fucking good. Makes you feel like you're in a movie where you're running through the rain as the sun slowly breaks through the clouds.

"All my Friends" Madeon. Idk. It's electropop... it's a madeon song. The energy and BPM are great to exercising too. Like... yesss make me move on that elliptical thank you Madeon. Again, sometimes music that follows all the genre conventions are exactly what you need. Like yesss milk that formula and dont even try to perfect it!

"All Night" by Bree Runway. Godddd, this song is so sensual. I feel like sometimes sensual songs can get boring and repetitive but this song just continually draws you in and shakes you up a bit.

"Nuclear Seasons" by Charli XCX. I listened to this song obsessively when it first came out, dropped it for years because I acutally hated a lot of Charli's pop music, but this song fucks. It feels like if Birthday Massacre did more pop vibes. The dark vibes with the fresh chorus and tinkling bells. I'm glad Crash made me revisit Charli songs I actually liked because this has stood the test of time.

Talking about throwbacks... have y'all listened to Aaliyah's "Are You that Somebody recently?" Sound of the summer babes

"Password" by Shinee. I just realized this list was lacking kpop which is INSANE (but okay this is a Japanese song by a kpop group but please let me have this). Anyways this is THE most cinematic, dramatic song of all time. It starts off intensely and racks up even more intensity as it goes on, AYYYYYYY OOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK THIS SONG IS SO FUCKIN GGOOD genuinely top ten of my entire life. If you do not have time to listen to ANY other song or ANY full song on this list, PLEASE at least listen to Jonghyun at 2:40-3:30... god... beautiful vocals. Brings a fucking tear to my eyes. Onew all DELIVERS On this song but fuck.... god

And Iskaba by Wande Coal. Just great music to dance to but you probably haven't heard of. I've rec'd it before but it's just that good

BUT SERIOUSLY CAN Y'ALL LISTEN TO PASSWORD BY SHINEE PRETTY PLEASE

Bonus songs I'm too lazy to describe: Every Night by Exid, Attitude by Alien Ant Farm (but listen to their smooth criminal cover instead), Vixen by Ayesha Erotica, Mukanjyo by Survive Said the Prophet, Violin by Cookiee Kawaii, Misshitsu by Buck Tick, Ntozabantu by Lebo Mathosa, Artifical Love (Chinese Version) by Exo, Step by F(x), Chocolate Disco by Perfume, Kemosabe by Everything Everything (which was on my iphone before but I had lost the file and had to redownload lol), Future Starts Slow by the Kills, and I see Girls by Studio b

WAIT also listen to Lost & Not Found by Chase & Status its the source of my blog title lol

BUT ALSO IF YOU ONLY LISTEN TO ONE SONG LET IT BE PASSWORD BY SHINEEEEEE FUCK

CAN Y'ALL PLEASE TELL ME WHAT GENRES YOU ARE INTERESTED IN. It'd give me mcuh better focus in sharing what music I like that you might like

[theyarebothgunshot]

Hi Rose, this is gonna sound so silly and I’m so sorry to bother you with it but I’m supposed to be driving somewhere on my own for the first time tomorrow and I am so damn nervous, which is ridiculous because I actually drove to that place today but with my dad by my side, the only difference is that I’m gonna be on my own tomorrow and it’s making me so nervous that I’m having troubles falling asleep right now. So any word of advice or reassurance or really anything else will be greatly appreciated.

hi sweet anon, no worries about sounding silly, cause it doesn't sound silly to me at all!! i'm sorry you have trouble falling asleep <3 i completely understand that you're nervous, especially since it's the first time you are going to be driving somewhere on your own, it's not ridiculous at all!! but i think it is super smart that you did a test drive with your drive, because if you are a little bit like me, knowing how to get somewhere reduces half of the stress dhshsf like. for me a lot of the anxiety comes from being afraid i will get lost or that i don't know what i am doing, but you clearly do because!! you already went there today and it went fine! so keep that in mind when you get nervous. idk if there is anything you can listen to tomorrow to calm you down in the car? maybe you get too distracted by that, but i always find it soothing to listen to a podcast (and it helps time fly by) in any case, i am sure it will go completely fine!! i hope you fall asleep soon and that you'll feel calmer in the morning <3 good luck nonnie!

[pure-o-soft]

I don't know if I actually have ocd or not but I know I have a lot of symptoms. On the other hand I have a lot of symptoms of things and I've never had a correct diagnosis so I spend so much time trying to figure it out. Researching symptoms of things, taking tests, reading stuff, etc. I've done it with so many things and I hate that I do it bc I feel like a big faker and like I mold myself to symptoms and then I become super aware of every possible symptom I (1/3?)

could have. I can’t help but constantly think “is this a symptom or am I overreacting? Am I doing this to myself for attention?” and other similar things. It’s driving me nuts. Idk what to do anymore. I’ve had the issues that I have for so long that I didn’t really even notice them until new people moved in to my house and started moving my toiletries from their places A while back I was hospitalized bc I felt like something was telling me to jump in front of cars constantly. (2/3?)I described the voice as “me but not really me” which the doctor took as hallucinations. Idk what’s wrong with me and that’s my biggest issue and I want validation but it’ll never be enough and I’ll only be relieved if I get some sort of closure from my psychiatrist, but I’m scared that she’ll think I’m faking or that she’ll want to admit me to a hospital over my thoughts or even if I get a diagnosis what if I just manipulated my psychiatrist into giving me a (¾ actually I’m sorry)diagnosis and it’s not actually real sorry for venting and sending such a long spam of things I just needed to let it out and I don’t expect a response at all (4/4)

Hey angel! 

 A lot of mentally ill people struggle with the idea that they are faking, or aren’t “sick” enough or symptomatic enough. This idea itself is a disordered thought! I can understand that it’s very difficult to understand the full affects of your symptoms on your own, which is why it can be really helpful to get an objective and professional opinion. But of course, it sounds like there was some confusion between you and your doctor in regards to your symptoms. I’m really sorry that happened! I know how hard it can be to express symptoms when you don’t really understand them yourself. Intrusive thoughts often can feel like an “angry or violent voice.” And because it is a thought, it can feel like its coming from you but not you. But of course, describing them this way might sound confusing. 

 I know a lot of people villainize themselves for wanting help and attention for what they’re going through. But this is a very normal and understandable need that many struggling people go through. You deserve help and treatment, and you can get it dear! 

 OCD is known as the doubting disease because doubt is a major and debilitating symptom. A lot of people who are diagnosed with OCD worry that they manipulated their doctors, or that they aren’t symptomatic enough for OCD. But this doubt is all part of the disorder itself! You mentioned that you often look up your symptoms online to try and figure them out and understand them. But this can actually be a form of reassurance seeking, which is a compulsion of OCD. 

 A lot of people want to be sure that they actually have a “problem” before they talk to someone. But because it can be impossible to understand symptoms on your own, and because doubt can actually be a symptom, it’s important not to wait. Your mental health is important. I really think it would really be helpful to talk to your psychiatrist / psychologist again. But it would be a good idea to write down all your symptoms and how they affect you before you talk to someone. It can be really easy to forget things or get nervous when being asked questions, so writing things down really helps! Then your mental health professional can know exactly what’s going on with you. 

I’m really sorry that you’re going through all this, but you can get help for what you’re going through. It definitely isn’t easy, but it makes things harder when you feel like you’re on your own. You can get through this, and please feel free to message me anytime! Wishing you all the best

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: [Picture of messy Nancy] Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: Is this gonna be my fault too, like? Rio: Nah Rio: Sure she could make a case but School is stressing her, got that info 'fore we got here so you're good Rio: How's your evening going, like Buster: Being hungover's really gonna help her ace all those classes but whatever Buster: I'll be the boring twin for the night again Rio: It's alright, we got it sorted before we went out Rio: she's helping me get my CV out Buster: Yeah? Buster: Proud of you, babe Rio: Maybe I'll work at the gay club, keep an eye on her Buster: The way she's going, someone needs to Buster: Maybe get off my back mum, you know Rio: She reckons the teachers don't really help her out now, since you know Rio: Idk if I should tell your Ma or if Nance will flip if I do Rio: I've told her to ask the others for help more Buster: We should tell her, she thinks she's failed me so she can claw some good parent points back Buster: But yeah, be careful 'cause Nance might not appreciate it as much as mum will Rio: Why does she think that? Buster: 'Cause I had to tell her how unhappy I was, you know, before Buster: So she'd cut us some slack now Rio: Ahh Rio: Yeah, imagine she wasn't buzzing to hear that Rio: I think Nance was okay but she wants to talk to you Buster: You're not wrong Buster: Well, I'll await the drunk texts then Buster: Always fun Rio: Yeah, leave it 'til she's sobered up and make her accountable, like Buster: Yeah Buster: So how drunk are you? Rio: Not even! Rio: How rude Rio: professional Buster: Just checking Rio: 😒 Rio: No faith, honestly Buster: Nance drives the best of us to join her drinking, that's all Rio: I mean, not being a nun about it Buster: Good to know Rio: Idk if I fuck with the vibe of this one anyway Rio: not to be a fussy bitch about it but you know Buster: You're a know-it-all that's your vibe, gotta trust it Buster: You'll find somewhere else Rio: Not that I can convince her to move on just yet Buster: It's like that then Buster: I see Rio: You know Rio: suppose I could leave her to it and pick her up like the 👵 I've become Buster: Ma life Buster: It don't sound like she'd mind though, so do what you want, babe Rio: 🙄 Rio: I'm bored Buster: Me too Buster: It's shit Rio: What are you doing Buster: I got talked into going to the literal worst house party I've ever been at Buster: I'm just gonna leave Rio: Ahh fun times Rio: People stop having house parties when you're out of school, which is weird because it's your house now like, you can do what you want Rio: is there not even decent booze to steal? poor boy Buster: 'Cause they're always shit and not worth the damage cunts are trying to cause to ease their boredom Buster: Nah, not even, I've got better at home, cheers Rio: True Rio: the shit Indie and her mates have wrecked Rio: and that's just 'cos they're clumsy stoners, like Rio: but we sound 100 this is ridiculous Buster: 😒 Buster: Is this what happens when you put a ring on it 'cause sorry, like Rio: Ugh, don't Rio: and we're getting carried away Rio: Gracie is sending me dress options and your sister basically wants her fee now, like Buster: Fuck that Buster: Forget carried away I'm about to run away from all their bullshit Rio: Yeah well take me with Rio: I'm the one fielding most of their bullshit IRL Buster: I'm sorry, babe Rio: It's alright Rio: They're just compensating for how weird it makes 'em feel but Rio: already over it Buster: At the start of this convo I was gonna say I wanna come home but Rio: Baby Rio: I miss it just being us Buster: I wish we could go somewhere else Buster: Fucking school Rio: I know Rio: least when exams start you do most at home right and just go in for the actual tests Buster: Giving me more time to miss you, like Rio: Nah, I mean Rio: we can work with that Rio: you can come here or I'll go there whatever Rio: I just need to get this flat situation sorted for Inds, she's staying 'round the house but it's not ideal Rio: especially when Eds comes back Buster: I can get a flat for you Buster: Probably not Drew's but a better one maybe Buster: Until then could you two not stay in the one over the pub? Rio: I don't actually know Rio: but I should ask Rio: I know the last student they had in there graduated but that was a while back now Buster: Hit up Granddad he'll never say no to you Rio: Worth a shot Rio: Got any other good ideas whilst we're here, babe? Buster: Always Buster: Get a drink first Buster: Catch up to me Rio: Long Island it is Rio: gotcha Buster: At least you ain't in Chelsea, could run through all your funds with a tab like that Buster: A tiny silver lining for you Rio: Is it? Rio: not even gonna buy me a drink now, okay 😜 Buster: I reckon that was another thing going in the vows Buster: 'Cause you hate it when I buy you shit Rio: Yeah I mean, exceptions to the rule though Rio: not trying to bankrupt myself Buster: I love you Rio: Love you idiot Buster: Cheers for looking so good it keeps me on your socials instead of my sister's Buster: That's another reason, like Rio: Yeah? Rio: Good to know you're still interested, like Buster: Good to know that my absence doesn't make you into a car crash, you know Buster: Save that for her Rio: Little harsh Rio: but don't think you need to take responsibility for it either Buster: Don't worry I wasn't Buster: I didn't break her heart like that Rio: Reality always gonna take that shot Buster: Anyway, bit rich to call me harsh when I bet she was saying worse about me Rio: You wanna know or? Rio: Should probably let you tell you herself Buster: I'm sure I'll hear it all firsthand tonight with no filter Rio: It wasn't that bad Rio: I just put her right on some things Buster: You're cute Buster: Defending my honor Rio: You're not mad? Buster: Why would I be? Rio: idk Rio: 'cos I'm emasculating you or some shit Buster: Shut up Buster: I like that you wanna speak up for me Rio: I'm glad you aren't mad Buster: It's hot, babe Buster: You are Rio: Shh Buster: Never Rio: I miss you Buster: I know Buster: I want you here Rio: I wish I was Buster: Me too Buster: I'd even rather be there and deal with the bullshit than be here without you Rio: Yeah? Rio: At least you can come when this kid finally shows Buster: Thank fuck Buster: Even my mum couldn't fault me there Rio: Be in the shit if you didn't put in an appearance Buster: Yeah, Ro loves me so much you can't dull the shine, babe Buster: I'm the fave Rio: Charming Rio: Only 'cos you're such a 🤓 Buster: You love it too Buster: Win, win Rio: 😒 Rio: Oh yeah, we'll bond over that Buster: 'Course Buster: You're welcome Rio: Truly who I want as my new BFF Rio: not got that old and boring, tah Buster: Glad to hear it Buster: As shit as it is to miss you I don't want you to change so I don't, like Rio: 😏 Yeah trapped now dickhead Buster: Charming Rio: 😂 you didn't wanna change me, like Buster: Yeah yeah Rio: Basically in the vows, soz Buster: It's fine, I'll write my own Rio: Uhmmm Rio: Slightly concerning Buster: Rude Rio: You want your ego stroked go to your Auntie babe Buster: I reckon she's a bit busy right now but I'll bear it in mind Rio: Is she tho Rio: we all waiting Buster: Always on the verge of that breakdown, takes time and a toll Rio: Oh my God Rio: speak of the devil, that was freaky Buster: What? Buster: Rio? Buster: Why am I talking to myself? What the fuck? Buster: Babe Buster: Come on Buster: You're freaking me out now Rio: Sorry, sorry Rio: That was a whole thing Rio: Drew was here Rio: first time I've seen him since, first time anyone has but Indie, like Buster: Are you okay? Rio: Yeah, I mean Rio: he was gross as ever but what's new Buster: What did he do? Rio: Nothing, like Rio: he's just always got chat ain't he Rio: though no one asked him Buster: Alright then what did he say? Rio: You're not going to be happy but she didn't hear him, like he wasn't saying it to her Rio: just some shit about being able to turn her, every straight boy ever Buster: Are you sure she didn't hear it Rio: Pretty sure, she was chatting to some girl at the time, like Rio: distracted anyway when he saw the ring Rio: that was fun Buster: Do you wanna go home? Buster: Nance will understand Rio: Fuck that Rio: Only here dealing anyway he's had to go off now, like Buster: Good Rio: How has he still not changed, like at all Rio: he didn't even ask about Indie Rio: or Ro or the baby or any of it Buster: He's a cunt Buster: He don't wanna change Buster: Or deal with any of it Buster: There's only one type of dealing he knows how to do, like Rio: Christ Rio: it almost makes you feel sorry for him Rio: what's it gonna take, man Buster: Maybe on his death bed when no fucker cares he'll have an epiphany Buster: I doubt the next stint in prison will do anything Buster: Are you gonna tell Indie you saw him? Rio: What's the point Rio: Poor bitch Rio: she don't need to know Buster: Yeah Buster: You're right Rio: It ain't giving her any false hope by not she still hates him Rio: but I don't need to drive home a point she already knows too well, like Buster: It's so fucked Rio: Yep Rio: and I'm the one feeling like the fucked up one Rio: thanks, Drew Buster: Fuck that Buster: Don't Rio: I'm trying Buster: I know, baby Buster: I'm sorry Rio: Not your fault Buster: But you shouldn't have to handle this on your own all the time Buster: I should be there Rio: It's nothing I can't handle Buster: Still Buster: I wanna handle him for you, the cunt Rio: So cute Buster: I'll find him when I'm back it won't be hard to do Rio: No you won't Rio: you'll be too busy Buster: Promises, promises Rio: You know you will, golden boy Buster: Fuck off Rio: Rude Buster: It ain't my fault you're not selling this Buster: Do you want me back or do you want me to run in the other direction from everyone else, like Rio: Sorry Rio: I'm being a bitch Buster: Don't say sorry Buster: Talk to me properly Rio: I don't know, I just feel gross Buster: Are you sure you don't wanna leave? Rio: I just want to be with you Buster: I know Buster: If you can get somewhere you can hear me, I'll call you Rio: Alright Rio: I feel like a party pooper Buster: Don't Buster: I wouldn't be faring any better if I saw that cunt out and about Buster: You know I wouldn't Rio: It's so stupid Rio: why do I even care Buster: It's not stupid Buster: He gets under your skin, he's always been good at it, with everyone Rio: Yeah Rio: Gotta be good at something right Buster: Exactly Buster: You know you'd tell me he ain't worth it, babe Rio: Yeah but what do I know Buster: Please Buster: You're a know-it-all and I love it Rio: Don't take the piss babe Buster: I ain't Rio: I have no idea what I'm doing Buster: Who the fuck does? Rio: At least you all have plans Buster: We have plans together, don't we? Rio: Yeah but I can't just piggyback off yours can I Buster: You won't be Buster: You can do anything you want Buster: When you decide what that is Rio: This is exhausting Rio: I should've finished School Buster: Shit that's worth having doesn't come easy, babe Buster: and you still can, if you want Rio: Well it'd be nice if it did Rio: just for a change, like Buster: You're telling me Rio: Fuck it Rio: I'm going somewhere else Buster: With Nance or without? Rio: She's busy Rio: I'll give her my location if she cares, like Buster: You can't say fairer than that Buster: Or do more, like Rio: Yeah Rio: she don't need a babysitter Rio: and not the job I'm after Buster: Where are you going? Rio: Not decided Rio: see where I end up Buster: Just try not to end up where he is again Buster: That's all I'm thinking Rio: Wow Rio: like I'm that stupid Buster: Calm down Rio: Nah you know what, I'll go back find him, see if he wanna get high again Rio: for fuck's sake Buster: How about you leave your attitude in this club and walk out Buster: Jesus Rio: Fuck off Buster: Don't take this out on me Rio: Go away then Buster: You're an idiot Buster: No Rio: I know, you've made it abundantly clear you think so Buster: Bullshit Rio: Whatever Rio: I don't wanna talk Buster: Stop doing this Rio: What Rio: Doing what Buster: Shutting me out Buster: It's shit that you couldn't keep avoiding Drew, fuck knows I wish you could, but how is giving me the silent treatment gonna help? Rio: Look, it ain't personal Rio: I don't want to think anymore Rio: I'm just gonna go get fucked up Buster: Fuck you Buster: It is personal 'cause I love you Rio: I know you do Buster: Just talk to me Buster: Let it go that way Rio: I've got nothing good to say Rio: everything is just Rio: not even shit Rio: just mind-numbingly meh Rio: I'm back in my childhood bedroom, for fuck's sake Buster: So do something about it Buster: That isn't getting fucked up Rio: I fucking am Rio: but I'm pissed off because I sank so much money into making his place decent and he's probably trashed it already Buster: Let's get it back then Buster: Or somewhere better Rio: How Rio: Ask him nice Rio: it's not like it's his Rio: it's done now but it just makes me realise how much time I've wasted Buster: It's not a waste Buster: You did it to help Indie Rio: Yeah well Buster: Yeah well nothing Buster: We'll figure this out Rio: You're being disgustingly optimistic, you knos Buster: Shut up Buster: Let me help you Rio: I'm just being dramatic Rio: must be catching Buster: Hilarious Buster: I've texted Granddad as soon as he texts me back I'll let you know Rio: Why have you done that Buster: To see if the flat's free, obviously Rio: I could've done that myself Buster: It's done Buster: If you want something to do make me a list of anything you actually want from Drew's so I can go get it when I'm back home Buster: I know they only got your bedroom shit, I remember you saying Rio: Why are you even bothering right now Rio: I've been nothing but a dick to you all night, never mind being useless with it Buster: Do you actually need me to answer that? Buster: Come on, Rio Rio: I'm sorry Rio: I'll do better Buster: Don't Buster: I don't want it or need it Buster: And you're allowed to have a bad night, especially after seeing him again Rio: What do you want or need Rio: salvage this night from being a total write-off, like Buster: You Buster: That's all Rio: You've got me Rio: I'm here now, honest Buster: Yeah? Buster: Good Rio: [Selfie] Rio: See? Buster: You look so fucking good Buster: I see that Rio: Send me one back Rio: I miss your face Buster: [selfie] Buster: Feel better? Rio: 😊 Yes Rio: You're so pretty Buster: You and me both, babe Buster: God, I miss you so much Rio: I miss you more Rio: defending you just made me realize how much I actually love you Buster: Well good, 'cause it'd be a bit awkward if you didn't at this point Rio: Shh I'm being sincere Buster: Carry on Rio: 😏 Rio: I don't know, think the moment's gone Buster: [Sends more pics] Buster: Are you sure? Rio: Fuck Rio: you are oh-so convincing, aren't you? 🤤😻 Buster: You tell me Rio: You are Rio: you really fucking are Buster: That definitely felt sincere Rio: I'm more than down to prove it to you, babe Buster: Yeah? Rio: [Bathroom nudes] Rio: Believe me now? Buster: Fuck Buster: Okay I believe you Rio: Good Rio: I love you so much Buster, don't forget Buster: I won't Buster: You know I can't Rio: Don't ever wish you could Buster: Never, baby Buster: You're so fucking perfect I have to keep you forever Rio: Please Rio: that's all I want Buster: You're all I want Buster: And I want you so much Rio: How much Buster: I heard your name in class, meaning the place, obviously, but I was so distracted I literally heard nothing else all lesson Buster: If I could have gotten away with touching myself at my desk I would've Rio: Baby Rio: I get you in so much trouble, don't I? Buster: I get myself in trouble Buster: You're an angel Rio: No, you're a good boy Rio: you didn't touch yourself once/ Buster: I wanted to but I didn't trust myself to stop if I did Rio: Just because you heard my name Rio: what did it make you think of? Buster: I couldn't stop thinking about how much you like hearing me say it Buster: That's how it started at least Rio: I do Rio: It sounds better when you say it Buster: You say my name like you're tasting it and me Buster: I think I'd do anything if you said it in a certain way, like Rio: I wish Rio: I know you would Rio: but I'm never gonna ask you to do anything you don't wanna do, trust me Buster: There's nothing you could ask me for that I wouldn't wanna give you Rio: Interesting Rio: I'm going to have A LOT of fun testing that Buster: Me too Rio: Now I'm distracted Buster: I'd say sorry but since you left I've woken myself up 'cause of dreaming about you so many times that I'm actually not Rio: No fair Rio: you know that's my favourite Rio: I'd help you get back to sleep, your dreams would be so sweet, like Buster: The other night I had to watch a video of you begging me to cum to make me so I could go back to sleep Rio: Fuck Rio: I love making you cum Rio: it's my favourite thing to do Buster: If I don't get to really see you soon I'm gonna go insane Buster: It's so much harder than before Rio: I know Rio: I can feel you touching me and holding me and kissing me all the time but it's never enough it's the worst kind of teasing Buster: Yeah same Rio: You'll be here soon Rio: and you only have to be a little bit social Rio: I can keep you the rest of the time Buster: I don't care if none of the others get to see my face Buster: I just want you Rio: Motivation to get a place, we can be as loud as we need Rio: 'cos I need to tell you how much I've missed you over and over Rio: and over, like Buster: I really fucking need that Rio: I know baby Buster: Whether the pub flat is occupied or not, I'll find you somewhere perfect, babe Rio: I love you Buster: I love you Buster: Everything's gonna be okay Rio: Yeah? Buster: I promise Buster: Whatever we have do to make it happen Rio: Okay Rio: I believe you Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause you know I mean it Rio: You're so nice Buster: Shh Rio: You know you are Rio: I wish everyone else knew it too Buster: It's for you Buster: I don't care what anyone else thinks about me Buster: Unless you wanna tell 'em Buster: 'Cause like I said, that's hot Rio: You're silly Rio: What's so special about me Buster: I'm gonna have to work harder if you're still asking that question Rio: I wouldn't say no to you working me out right now Buster: I'm not gonna say no to that Buster: Where are you? Rio: Different club, same shit Rio: Where do you want me to be? Buster: You can stay there, we can make it work Buster: Tell me how you want me, you've had a shit night, you deserve everything you want Rio: 👑 right? Buster: You know it, baby Rio: Hmm, there's just so many ways I want you Rio: It's hard to choose Buster: Public or private? Start there Rio: If I don't get to be alone with you I want you public Buster: I like the way you think Rio: As if seeing him wasn't bad enough, every boy out here tryna prove how much they aren't you Buster: Forget them Buster: I'm right here Rio: I want to Rio: Make me Buster: [sends a video] Rio: Daddy Rio: How do you get me like this so easy Buster: 'Cause you're mine Rio: Yes Rio: Say it again Buster: You're all mine Buster: Forever Rio: Fuck Rio: I can't wait 'til you're here Rio: and we can be together all the time Buster: Me either Buster: It's the only thing keeping me sane here right now Rio: Everything is gonna be so good and so right Rio: I promise Buster: I know Rio: Not to mention you can fuck me everyday 😋 Buster: All day Rio: Well Rio: Might have to do some work baby Buster: Shh Rio: 😏 Okay Rio: all day every day Rio: I'm going to make you cum more than you've cum in your whole life Buster: I can't wait for you to prove that Rio: You won't need a video no more Rio: I'll be begging for your cum at your feet baby Buster: Jesus Rio: I want it so bad, it's all for me, isn't it daddy? Buster: You can have everything Buster: Anything Rio joined the chat 10 hours ago Rio: All I really want is you Rio: that's just how it is Rio: I wanna live good with you Buster: That's easy Rio: For you, 'cos you're the best Rio: no one has ever been this good to me Buster: It's a good thing you said yes to marrying me then Buster: 'Cause I always will so you don't need to worry about anyone else anymore Rio: I guess so Rio: How did they expect me to say no? Buster: My mum thinks I'm too young to know what I want Buster: Both hypocritical and hilarious Rio: Just one of those parental things they feel they have to say, probably Rio: when they don't know what they actually reckon Buster: Yeah Buster: Nobody in this family can just let there be a silence about anything Rio: Yeah, unless it's about Drew Buster: Literally Buster: It pisses me off,  I have to be held accountable for everything when I'm not doing anything wrong but he can do whatever he fucking likes Rio: It's a joke Rio: not even a good one Rio: I don't know why Grandad didn't fuck him up ages ago, he's far from being a kid now Buster: 'Cause he's the kind of petty cunt who'd take you down for making him look a mug Buster: Granddad's got too much to lose Rio: Yeah Rio: I know you're right Rio: I wish someone would though, Christ Buster: You should've let me Rio: What, like you've got nothing to lose? Rio: You got to break his nose, more than I did, like Buster: You could too, or worse Buster: I won't stop you, I'll help you Rio: You're funny Rio: but nah, that ain't how it goes down Rio: I just freeze Rio: I don't know why, him, Ryan, always happens Buster: Baby Rio: Don't be sad Rio: Like you said, I don't have to worry about anyone else anymore Rio: especially not them Buster: I just hate that all that shit happened to you Rio: I know Rio: I feel the same about the things that have happened to you Buster: I should have got my shit together and told you I loved you sooner Buster: I'm sorry Rio: Maybe it would've fucked shit up, who knows Buster: Okay yeah Buster: I'll take that Buster: I was a twat Rio: Awh baby 😂 Rio: I mean yeah Rio: we were all on our bullshit, just the age, idk how both our parents stayed so about each other Buster: They were both as bad as each other Buster: You were above me Rio: Please Buster: Come on Buster: Deny it Buster: You can't Rio: How good could I be Rio: I was such a hot mess, letting boys like that treat me like shit, like Buster: Shut up Buster: That wasn't your fault Rio: No one made me go out with wasteman Rio: I can own it Buster: It's not like you signed up for it Buster: You weren't there like let me find the shittest fucking prick in the 24 to get with Rio: Obviously I didn't know everything, I mean, I still thought he was alright, just a bit of a lad Rio: but there were plenty of warning signs I was happy to ignore like an idiot Rio: all his 'crazy' exes, for a start Buster: As someone who literally has a crazy 'ex' if we can give Chlo that much credit, it's not always that simple, babe Buster: You wanna see the good in people, don't let him think that's a mistake just 'cause he used it wrong Buster: make you* Rio: It's such a fucking catch 22 Rio: he knows how to play it, give him that Rio: 'cos now if I try to warn his next, I'm just one of those crazies who's actually obsessed with him, prick Buster: Yeah Buster: It'd be impressive if it wasn't so fucked Rio: You've got better game Rio: More fun Buster: Cheers, babe Buster: I'd fucking hope so, like Rio: Not high praise, fair Rio: but you already know you're the best I've ever had baby Buster: Tell me again though Buster: I love hearing it Rio: No other boy knows me like you Rio: so no other boy can turn me on like you because it's you, everything you do is my fetish, my fantasy, you're so Rio: Jesus, I need you Buster: You know no other girl knows me, yeah? End of story Buster: You're the only one Rio: So lucky Rio: seriously Rio: I'm so glad I know you, Buster Buster: I'm glad you wanna know me Rio: Of course I do Rio: I always have Rio: Why wouldn't I? Buster: I haven't really sold it before now, like Buster: Nobody else is trying that hard for a reason Rio: You were never as bad as you're saying, or think Rio: I want you to know that, no bias Buster: Shh Rio: I mean it Rio: You were just a kid Rio: it's ridiculous to judge yourself by those old standards, never mind anyone else still doing it Buster: I know what I was Buster: I can own it Rio: I'm just saying Rio: Maybe it's time to let it go Buster: Stop being right all the time Buster: So annoying Rio: You love it Buster: I love you Rio: I love you Rio: I'm gonna look after you Buster: I wish you were here with me now Rio: Me too Rio: My poor baby Rio: You need to destress Buster: We both do Rio: We're going away as soon as we can Rio: Somewhere hot and far away and it'll just be us Buster: That's all I want for us, babe Rio: First, gotta flex your brain and get those A*s Buster: On it Buster: I've been getting decent feedback in spite of the rest of this bullshit going on Buster: It'll be easy Rio: I know, you work so hard Rio: I'm proud of you Buster: I'm proud of you too Rio: I'm not doing anything to be proud of right now but I'm gonna make you Buster: Bullshit Buster: I see you working hard, baby Buster: You've even been helping Nance do hers Rio: Anyone else would do the same Buster: Nah Buster: You're an angel and you know it Rio: Baby Rio: you make me melt Buster: Prove it Rio: Ah, so daddy wants to see how hot he's got his baby girl, yeah? Rio: Hold on, can't upskirt myself here and now for you in this outfit, sadly Buster: That's what happens when you go out with my sister Buster: Priorities, babe Rio: I'm sorry 😔 Rio: I didn't know how badly I'd need easy access without you here but I should've known you'd have be needing to touch myself Buster: Lesson learned Rio: I don't know, I still think I'll need you to really show me when you're here Rio: [Snaps] See? Such a big wet patch, so messy Buster: Christ Rio: I know Rio: You see how much I need you, daddy? Buster: I'm this close to getting on a flight so I can fulfill that need for you that's all I know Rio: Such a good daddy Rio: loves his baby so much Rio: but you can take care of me from there, that's how trained you've got me Buster: If you keep talking like this I'm not sure I'll be able to do anything Buster: You're so fucking hot Rio: That's okay, I can do it Rio: I'm a big girl, let baby do all the hardwork and you just lie back and enjoy the show Buster: How do you not know that you're perfect? Rio: I know you think I am Rio: and that makes me so happy Buster: I don't think it, I know it Rio: Every time you say that, it makes me tighter Rio: I wish it was your cock inside me instead of my fingers so you could feel how good I feel Buster: Soon baby Rio: I know Rio: I try to be patient but you know I'm bad at taking my time when you're not telling me to Buster: It's okay, I feel it too Buster: I just fucking need you Rio: You've got me Rio: I'm fucking myself for you so hard Buster: Yeah you are Buster: You're gonna cum for me so hard too Rio: Is that what you want, daddy? You want me to make an even bigger mess for you?  I'm so fucking needy and helpless right now, your baby girl is whimpering your name, anyone can come in hear how fucking much you own her Buster: It's exactly what I want Rio: Good, I wanna be your good girl, I wanna make you as happy as you make me Rio: and I feel like I'm gonna squirt, so it's going to be loud and messy in here Buster: Fuck Buster: I wanna see you so badly Buster: You look so fucking beautiful like this Rio: I'm recording for you best I can Rio: so you can enjoy it whenever you miss me Buster: Oh god Buster: The sound I just made then Buster: I've never been happier about the layout of this house 'cause I swear if you turn me on anymore I could still wake my dad up Rio: I can't be sorry Rio: the way you moan could make me cum by itself Buster: I'll record it for you 'cause I know even with all the others you have of me you can't get enough Rio: I can't, I wanna hear every time I get you off Rio: it's only right Rio: You're moaning my name, fucking yourself to the thought of me and my body Buster: Every word you say gets me closer, I can't get over it Buster: You're so Buster: I don't even have any words, like Rio: I don't wanna waste a single one Rio: if I'm not telling you how good you are and how good you make me feel, what's the point? Buster: You're too good Rio: It's all for you Rio: No one else Buster: Good, I need it all Rio: My whole body is yours, daddy Rio: nah, all of me, heart, soul, whatever the fuck else, me, I'm for you Buster: Rio Buster: I don't know how this happened but I'm so fucking glad it did Rio: Me either Rio: it just did Rio: but it feels right, like it's how it was always meant to be Buster: It does Buster: I don't have any fucking clue how I ever got this far without you Rio: I know Rio: I barely function without you now and it's like Rio: I hadn't seen you properly for so long before, then there was so much waiting and wanting before anything even happened Buster: Yeah Buster: Stay with me, okay Buster: No matter what Rio: Of course Rio: I need to Buster: I love you Rio: I love you so much Buster Buster: Say my name again Rio: Buster Rio: My Buster Buster: Every time I reckon I can't moan any louder you do something to prove me wrong Rio: Good, be loud with me Buster: For you Rio: You're such a good boy Rio: know just what to say to make me go harder Rio: deeper Buster: I need you to cum Buster: Do it for me Rio: Yes, keep going Rio: Tell me what to do, I'm so fucking close Buster: Stop being a tease and go harder Rio: Oh God Buster: You know how you want it Rio: I do, I want it to be so good it hurts Rio: I love it when I make you lose control like that and you fuck me like the whore I am Buster: I need you to feel it tomorrow when you're back home celebrating with the fam Buster: Don't forget about me Rio: Baby that's so fucked up Rio: I fucking love it Buster: Do it then Rio: Yes sir Rio: I'm not as good as you but I'm really trying Buster: You're so good baby Buster: Don't stop trying Rio: Can I leave bruises Rio: as I'm pretending to be you Buster: If you can Buster: I want you to Rio: I don't know how I haven't been kicked out Rio: I'm nearly screaming Buster: Maybe they're all enjoying it too Rio: I like that, Jesus Buster: Or maybe they know you couldn't stop even if they tried to make you Rio: Seriously Rio: There's no way I can now Buster: Don't Buster: Finish what you started Rio: I promise Rio: I'm not going to do you like that daddy, I know you need your baby to cum so you can too Buster: Please Rio: You've earnt it Rio: If you were here I would reward you with letting you cum wherever you want Rio: before letting you clean mine up, of course Buster: Oh fuck Rio: Where do you wanna cum, daddy? Buster: You know how good your tits look tonight dressed like that Buster: Easy decision Rio: Mmm, I like that one too Rio: means I can look you in the eyes when I lick up every drop Buster: Baby Rio: Yes daddy? Buster: You've got me so desperate Rio: Is your cock leaking precum for me? Buster: Jesus, I'm so close right now Rio: Please cum for me, I want it so badly Rio: I'll do anything to make you cum, daddy, anything Buster: I'm making so much noise for you Buster: I just wanna cum Rio: Let go, baby Rio: I bet your Dad has already heard you Rio: it's okay Buster: I bet half the street has heard me by now Buster: Lose control with me Rio: Fuck Buster: You make me feel so good Rio: You're my favourite person Buster: You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Rio Rio: Marry me Buster: You're gonna be the best wife Rio: Yeah? Buster: Seriously Buster: I can't wait until you are Rio: Baby Buster: I can't believe you want that as much as I do Rio: Really bad Rio: to be honest, the way everyone's gone on made me wanna do it now just to piss them off Buster: I'll marry you now Rio: I know Rio: but fuck doing it for anyone but us really Buster: I know you're right Buster: Again Rio: We'll do it whenever we want though Buster: 'Course Buster: You're the only one who gets to tell me what to do, babe Rio: I'm not gonna spring a wedding on you though Rio: even if I want your name Buster: You do? Rio: Of course Rio: You know I do Buster: That's so hot Rio: Yeah? Buster: Yeah Buster: Fuck it, let's get married now Rio: You're so cute Buster: You are Rio: I want to show you off though Rio: don't reckon our turn-out would be all that hot right now Buster: We can have more than one Buster: Your parents did Rio: Well, their first didn't count but Buster: Still Buster: I'll marry you every year if you want Rio: You're killing me Rio: and making it sound like a good idea Buster: We have to do something for our anniversary, yeah? Why not, like? Buster: You can have a different dress for every one, that'd kill me Rio: and bankrupt you 😏 Buster: You wish, babe Buster: I'm gonna be a rich hot shot lawyer soon Rio: Yeah, I think I wish that more, babe Rio: 😻 Buster: So will you? Rio: Are you asking me to marry you again? Buster: Marry me now and then marry me again Rio: Can we? Buster: I want to, so if you want to Buster: Don't say yeah just 'cause I'm an impatient prick though Rio: I want to Buster: Just me and you? Rio: Yeah Buster: Where do you wanna go? I'll take you anywhere in the world Rio: I'll start looking Rio: This summer is going to be perfect Buster: It will Rio: I love you so much Buster Rio: I don't know how to say it in a way that explains how much anymore Buster: I know Buster: I feel the same about you Buster: And I always will Rio: I miss you Buster: I miss you too Buster: I'm sleepy and I want you here Rio: Baby Rio: if you can stay up a little bit longer, I'll facetime you when I get home Buster: Alright Rio: Nance already left off for home apparently so I've just gotta get a cab myself now so I won't be long Buster: I'm not gonna ask if she's alone, I don't wanna know Rio: I didn't ask for specifics Buster: If she tells you, don't tell me, like Rio: 🤐 Rio: 'Course Buster: I'm worried about her Buster: Don't tell her I said that either, obviously Rio: I'm not stupid, or that much of a blabbermouth Rio: You are? Buster: Like, okay worried might be a strong word but Buster: Going out, drinking, hooking up that isn't her, that's me Rio: I know what you mean Rio: but I think it's a case of, look where being me got me Rio: she's just trying things out, she's still her, she's sensible enough not to get too lost in it Buster: I don't want her to have more regrets just 'cause she reckons with all the shit that happened she has to be someone else Buster: I don't know Buster: Maybe I'm the stupid one, yeah? Rio: No, no Rio: It makes sense, I'm worried too but Rio: I don't think there's anything you can do, or any of us Rio: it's something she's gotta do, you know? Buster: Yeah Buster: At least she can't get pregnant Buster: Thank fuck for that Rio: I know Rio: The gays truly have that working in their favour Buster: And Indie's single now, right? Buster: I like our odds at keeping everyone out of too much shit Rio: Yeah Rio: Thank fuck again Rio: Bless 'em Rio: Heartbreak's a bitch Buster: Do I need to add him to my list of people to sort when I'm back home? Buster: 'Cause you know I will Rio: Stop being so hot Buster: If it matters to you then it matters to me Buster: We're a team, babe Rio: You're so daddy rn Rio: but seriously Rio: he's just a stupid kid, like a cunt but he didn't really do anything wrong you know Rio: it just weren't what she thought it would be Buster: Been there Buster: Not that I was ever leading girls on but you know Rio: It happens Buster: And sometimes being as honest as you've gotta fucks them over still Rio: Yeah, that's what I don't wanna ask her Rio: Sometimes you just want a thing a certain way, he might not have been selling it as that ever, idk Rio: like Nance really thinking her teach might be into it Buster: Yeah Buster: And my mum thinking I'm gonna wake up and realize I'm just not that into you Rio: Gotta get you worked up when she's in, clearly Rio: then she'd get it Buster: Probably not a good idea Buster: But I wouldn't be mad about it personally Rio: 😏 Buster: She's just obsessed with uni that's all Buster: Not like she can put pressure on Nance to go to Havard or Oxford or wherever so Rio: I'd get it more if I was stopping you from going, like Rio: show me where I said that Rio: I wouldn't Buster: She's losing her mind that I'm going to Trinity 'cause its not top for Law Buster: I've never cared about that Buster: I can succeed anywhere Buster: You're not the only 'distraction' she wants me to walk away from Chlo's kid too even if its also mine Buster: That's just how it is with her Rio: She knows it ain't that easy Rio: No offence but you wouldn't be here if it was that cut and dry Buster: Everything was a fight for her, it's easy for me so I have to do even better than she did Buster: Dad too Buster: Not make their 'mistakes' Rio: Damn Rio: does she realise how cold that sounds or? Buster: Have you met her? Buster: Babe she is cold Rio: Yeah but to say that to your face Rio: Jesus Buster: Maybe you don't get to go through all the shit she did and stay warm Buster: Or maybe that's just how she had to be to handle it, I don't know Rio: Probably Rio: I'm not trying to talk shit on her Rio: I just care about you too Buster: I know how it sounds, but it's not personal, she'd be like this if it was any other girl too Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Buster: And like it or not, I'm her only living son so Buster: I'll thrive under the pressure like always Rio: I know you will baby Rio: but you're allowed to not be perfect when you're with me, you know that, yeah? Buster: Please, you know I am perfect Rio: Yeah Rio: even if you weren't, I'd still stay Buster: You're gonna make me cry Buster: Behave Rio: That's allowed too, like Buster: Shh Buster: You're so nice to me Buster: And so cute Rio: Because you're nice Buster: It's so weird sometimes Buster: Remember when we weren't Rio: I know Rio: even then though, I knew you weren't as bad as you were fronting Rio: 'cos know-it-all first and foremost Buster: 'Course Buster: You had me all figured out, didn't you, babe? Rio: What, you think you were such an enigma? 😉 Buster: Well, yeah Rio: Awh baby Rio: shoulda left you living that fantasy Buster: Nah Buster: I prefer this one we're in Rio: Got to agree Buster: Good Rio: Town is so busy tonight, only just got a cab Buster: Do I need to get a coffee, like? Rio: You can go to sleep baby Rio: don't stay up on my behalf Buster: I'm just playing Buster: It's okay Rio: Hate to be distracting, you know Buster: Obviously Buster: I'm always saying that about you Rio: So you should be Rio: Very serious about your education Rio: who taught you how to kiss, like Buster: Damn I should have led with that argument when I was chatting to mum Rio: Missed a trick Rio: Keep it PG though, she ain't need to know everything I taught you Buster: Not with my competitive streak 'cause I'd have to let her know I've taught you just as much Buster: A very unnecessary convo Rio: Truly Rio: but I'm enjoying reminiscing very much Buster: I'm glad I kissed you that day finally Buster: I'd wanted to for ages before it Rio: Good thing you got dared to then so you couldn't bottle it Rio: I can't even remember who dared you now Buster: That annoying fucker who was always hanging around us Buster: What the hell was his name even? Rio: Oh I know who you mean Buster: He so reckoned I wouldn't do it Buster: He only dared me 'cause he was too scared to tell you that he liked you himself Rio: Awh Rio: he was probably gutted Buster: An irresistible heartbreaker even then, babe Buster: I know he was gutted 'cause he stopped hanging around, remember? Rio: Now I feel bad Rio: Would track him down but like, not got good news for you lad Buster: What so you'd have rather kissed him? Buster: Rude Rio: Obviously not Rio: could be the one that got away though Buster: 😒 Buster: If you wanna go marry him, like Rio: I'm tryna facebook him but I really can't remember his name at all Rio: I keep thinking J something but maybe that's just 'cos he was a twat too like a certain someone Buster: We all called him that same nickname but I can't even remember that Buster: Unlucky for you Rio: I'm gutted, like Rio: You cockblocking me forever Buster: You will only go to gay club lately Buster: Can't blame me for that Rio: Yeah, know you wouldn't stand in the way of that, babe Buster: I'm considerate like that Rio: You're a pervert like that Rio: it's okay, save you from the male gaze rant/your sister Buster: Cheers Buster: I've already had some drunk texts from her Rio: Maybe she did go home alone after-all Rio: anything worth hearing? Buster: They're hard to read Buster: I honestly don't know how that girl understood enough to wanna hit her up way back when Rio: Not gonna go there, you'll only get grumpy Buster: What is that meant to mean? Rio: There's plenty of ways to get wanna fuck understood, like Rio: ☛👌 Buster: It's Nance I don't reckon she went about it like that Rio: You reckon she sent her a poem Rio: She didn't even like her, like Buster: Shut up Buster: She's so awkward she can't even order her own coffee if we go out to breakfast Rio: Yeah, not drunk Nance though Buster: I'll take your word for that 'cause all I've seen her do then is wanna fight me Rio: You know Buster: Did she even fuck that girl though? Like you're saying she could've all but sent her nudes but like Rio: Apparently so Buster: She told you that or are you using your skills? Rio: Yeah, she told me Buster: Alright Rio: I didn't ask if that was her first time but sad if it was because she wasn't into it Buster: It would've been I know that much about her life, like Rio: Oh, that's shit Buster: Like I said, I'm worried Buster: But she ain't gonna talk about this to me Rio: I can try again Buster: I don't know Buster: Like you said, it's sad Buster: Do we wanna go there? Rio: Yeah, she might not want to Rio: I'll keep an eye best I can and be there how she wants but you know Buster: Yeah Rio: I'm sorry I didn't clock it Rio: I should've Buster: Don't Buster: You don't need to blame yourself for anything Buster: We don't even know the full story anyway, like Rio: Yeah Buster: Talk to her if it'll put your mind at ease Rio: I'm alright, just Rio: No one ever has a good time, you know Buster: Yeah Buster: Are we all cursed in this fam or what? Rio: I think it's weirdly standard, I don't know why Rio: impatience strikes again, probably Buster: True Buster: I know it did for me Buster: I had a good time until she dumped me after though Rio: Yeah Rio: Bit like Indie Rio: It's not the worst, I guess Buster: Had Indie not been with lads before him? Buster: I thought she had Rio: Not all the way Buster: I just assumed, I guess Buster: She's always got them around her, like Rio: Nah, those are just her mates Buster: Makes sense Rio: Yeah, she's not really one for other girl's company in general Buster: You'd never know it to see her with you Rio: Yeah well I'm great Buster: Obviously Buster: That's why I miss you so much Rio: Duh Buster: How far from home are you now? Rio: Not far now, promise Rio: 5 minutes Buster: I don't wanna go to sleep without seeing you Rio: I know baby, I can't do it either Buster: How did we ever? Rio: I've never slept well Buster: Me either, honestly Buster: It's hard to switch off Rio: Yeah Rio: Same Rio: I've never slept like I do when you're there Rio: not just because you've worn me out too Buster: If that worked I would have always slept well, like Buster: I used to drink and fuck so much Buster: It's always been different with you Buster: Remember when we fell asleep together before any of this Rio: Yeah Rio: Trying to look after me even then Buster: I've always tried to do that Buster: Wanted to Rio: I know Rio: even when I didn't appreciate it Buster: I behaved worse to you Buster: I don't know why you ever talked to me after some of the shit I said Buster: Well, I do, but Rio: You know, heard it all before Buster: Rio Rio: Hm? Buster: I hate that anyone has ever talked to you like that, me included Rio: It's alright Buster: It's not Rio: Well, I don't care now Rio: it is what it is Rio: easy target Buster: I'm never gonna hurt you again, okay Buster: Or let anyone else either Rio: I believe you Buster: Good 'cause I mean it Rio: You didn't mean any of it, did you? Buster: Baby Buster: Of course not Rio: Okay Rio: Good Buster: Did you really think I ever did? Buster: Seriously Rio: I wouldn't blame you Buster: Fuck Rio: Don't Buster: I have to Rio: Forget about it Rio: you didn't mean it, it's fine Buster: No Rio: Babe Buster: What? Rio: Sorry Buster: Don't apologise Buster: I should be Rio: You have and it's okay Buster: It's not good enough Rio: I say it is Rio: but what do you want to do to make it okay then? Buster: You don't have to do anything Buster: This is on me, not you Rio: No it isn't Rio: it's my bullshit Buster: I still have to own what I did and what I made you feel like Rio: It's not like this came from you, is it Buster: That doesn't mean I'm fucking excused, like Rio: You didn't mean it, you apologized Rio: I'm not asking for more Buster: You never do Rio: Are you judging me for that now? Buster: I'm not judging you for any of this Rio: Then accept my acceptance Buster: Fine Rio: I wish I'd not brought it up now Buster: You never wanna bring it up Buster: Have we even talked about any of this since you were high on Drew's mystery stash, like? Rio: Why would I want to? Rio: You wouldn't wanna sit here and talk about your flaws Buster: I'm not saying you have to Rio: Yes you are Buster: I was just asking the question, Christ Buster: Don't get mad at me Rio: Whatever, I want to drop it Buster: Like I said, fine Rio: It isn't fine if you're gonna be pissy is it Buster: Fuck off Buster: I'm not pissy I'm upset that you're carrying this bullshit around with you Rio: We've all got our own shit Buster: Obviously Rio: Just please can we forget about it Rio: I'm home now Buster: I'm not trying to upset you that's literally the opposite of what I was trying to do Buster: So yeah if you want Rio: Just Rio: you can't fix everything for me, babe, especially not tonight Buster: I know Buster: I'm just tired, alright Buster: I'm being dramatic Rio: Just taking off my makeup and getting comfy then I'll call you Buster: You still want to? Rio: Of course Rio: don't you want me to Buster: Of course I do Buster: But I get if you're pissed off at me Rio: Shh Rio: I'm not Rio: You're only trying to be gentlemanly and noble, as per, I'm not mad at you Rio: just myself Buster: I don't want you to be mad at yourself either though Rio: That's okay, I'll feel better when we snuggle Buster: I love you, Rio Buster: I'll be less of an annoying prick when we're together again Buster: I swear Rio: I feel it Rio: There'll be no room for miscommunication Buster: I'll do my best to make sure its hard for you to talk Rio: Promises promises Buster: You can hold me to it Buster: You know I really wanna hold you Rio: I know Rio: I want that so bad Rio: you make me feel so safe Buster: Soon Buster: I'm gonna look after you, baby Rio: You always do Buster: I try anyway Rio: You do Rio: Don't question it Buster: Okay Rio: Promise? Buster: I promise Buster: I believe you Rio: Good Rio: Okay, I'm in bed Buster: Good Buster: Call me Rio: 🧡

[frogsandfries]

*throws everything*

I have this friend who I practically lived with through middle school but in high school, we drifted apart, then she got pregnant and something something, she's married to this guy and they live with his family in California.

Well I'm trying to get my shit together and California sounds good.

This evening, she texts me asking if her family came back here, would I still want to live with her for a while. Why the hell would you want to live in Wisconsin??? Let alone bring your daughter back here??

Her husband is.... um, Latino? Brown, let's go with that. Dark skinned, looks older than he is, he's getting shot at and he's just trying to go about his business. Oh. Yes. Yes, I understand. And they have family back this way too, so yes, they need a stable situation for their daughter. Not to mention, west still calls, but hmmm if people are just waving guns every which way up and down the coast, I'm not so sure that's the place for me.

Plus, winter does tend to be hard on me, but if I can't find some kind of stability, I'm not going to tackle my loans, further my education, and I shouldn't try raising a baby. I absolutely cannot rely on my mother and I would sooner find myself in jail than let her anywhere near my kid, my dad doesn't want to help me raise his (third) grandkid. My sister is already living with her in-laws, my younger two siblings are doing military/army/idk stuff. Not much family left. The one aunt I know went on disability and all sorts of meds and started going to church. My older cousin who I do know is busy with her bakery down south and her brother is..... assisted living? He lives on his own, last I heard, but he's basically a ward of the state because of his autism. That's really it for family for me.

Also not much for friends, I know one friend, her parents are super old-school/keep their people's traditions, so she probably wouldn't go off on her own. Another friend, last I heard was living with parents. This friend coming back from Cali is the only one who wants me to live with her because she knows what a terrible time I'm having and we could probably team up, at least three working adults, and really take care of business.

Personally, I really just....... I've been looking for a sign. All through the last relationship, I was never confident it was going to last, I was waiting for a sign. The signs were probably my ex's refusal to get a job, even part-time, and my ex's refusal to move from their parents' home. And now I feel like I know what I want: I want it all.

I want to finish my degree, even if it's one credit or one class at a time, out of my own pocket. I want to finish my van, I want a place to live, a place to call my own, I want to round up all my possessions and get rid of everything that's just holding me down. I want to start my family, even if I have to do it myself and be a choice mother. I want 2018 to be as good as 2017 was bad.

In the year since I confessed to my ex that I wanted to start a family, that desire has only gotten stronger. I'm so tired of everyone telling me, no don't do that, no you're not ready, no you can't, you don't have your degree, you don't have a career, don't you want to give your kid better than you had. And then I was out of proper work for more than half the year and I'm this close to getting hired at this place, people know me, they recognize my face, they know I'm a reliable worker. Plus, this place is unionized, it's really actually quite a cushy job for factory work, and I'm seriously considering taking their maternity leave program for a test drive.

My biggest hiccups about starting my family are simply not knowing where I want to settle down, not really having the luxury of taking even a couple weeks to check some places out where I might like to find myself; and once I have the child, I don't really have a network to back me up. I was hoping my friend could be my support. Us living together and merging our families would be good for all parties. Everyone can work a little less to cover rent and utilities, and there should always be someone to hang out with her kid, and mine when I get there. Then I'm not worrying if the baby is being looked after how I would like, let alone safely.

I'm still going to finish the van, and probably eventually live in it, but mostly......I just want some stability. I never really felt stable at my ex's parents'; just pretending. I'm definitely not stable with my parents. I still want to have somewhere to live, if I need to, where no one can tell me that I'm not welcome anymore. I knew from the moment I moved in with my ex that at any minute, their parents could tell me to leave, or my ex could. And I think with my ex, it came down to the choice between their personal comfort and stability or our relationship. Their loss.

But....I just can't be in Wisconsin anymore. I know it's a safety net for most people I know personally, and it's a place I know pretty well..... I just don't know if I'm ever going to find the stability to take a couple months off from work to go out and explore.....

I..... don't really know what my priorities are anymore....... I'm tired of feeling lost, adrift. I'm tired of hanging on by a hair and I'm tired of being lonely and scared......

I know that my studio practice is core to my happiness. I know that.

I know that I can't stop thinking about how much I want to be a parent.

I know that I'm stuck. I'm stuck with my parents because I don't know what my next step is. The van isn't something I can just wave a wand at. I started it at the wrong time of year. I know that if I'm going to be a slave to a job that I don't absolutely love, I think it can be the one I'm doing right now. But I don't want to stay here in Wisconsin. But I don't want to find myself in a situation like my friend is in, where I find myself back in Wisconsin for its familiar footing while maybe I ponder where else my family might thrive.

I know my creative goals are important to me, but every day, I become more certain that I'm going to have to actualize those goals myself and hold a job that pays rent and make time for what brings me joy.

Although there never seems to be enough time for studio stuff with van stuff.

I just don't think I can do this on my own. I used to think I could, because I'm stubborn. But I can't beat rent and I can't beat the awful wages employers feel entitled to give employees. Maybe I could beat rent, but it definitely isn't happening over a frigid Wisconsin winter when my parents' place is barely big enough for two people to go about their lives, let alone four. Even if my brother does leave in January and not return.

I don't know what to do, but I do know, I need to bury my mother and my ex in the past where they belong. I need to move on to what is going to make me happy. I need to start with what makes me happy and excites me the most and move out from there.

[clumsyclifford]

6, 7, 12, 15, 32, and 38 (I know you don't like the concept of lanes but I'm asking anyway even if you give me a non-answer) -hazel

let’s see how many of these i can get through before my meeting

6. favorite bromance? okay so i talked about this here but at any rate i don’t know if i answered it correctly. i think the muke bromance is actually very tasty. like if you separate this question from ships i’m going with muke and it’s not because i’m supposedly anti-muke because i promise i have changed my tune i just really like their friendship it’s very sweet to me that they went from the relationship they used to have, where they “hated” each other or whatever was going on there, and now they’re This Tight. like you can just! see how much they love each other! it’s very nice. they are funny cute boys

7. funniest moment to you? also attempted to answer this here but i am going to rack my brain for a different answer. OH. hm. am i allowed to say that make a drink with 5sos video? tiktok? is that a tiktok? am i really giving a tiktok as an answer??? who am i becoming??? alternate answer, the “so fresh and so clean” video never fucking fails to make me smile. i feel like it’d be cheating to try and go through my fav tag for this so just off the dome those are my answers

12. fav and least fav from each album? OHO what a question. i don’t know if i will be able to answer it. let us see

self-titled

favorite: not sure if this counts but english love affair. if we’re just going straight from the album itself then long way home

least favorite: mmmmm it’s mrs. all american but not even because i don’t like the Vibe, i think it’s a funny song BUT it uses this one sound effect that sounds like a bird and it drives me insane

sounds good feels good

favorite: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i struggle with this! girl who cried wolf maybe? or literally either of the b-sides they both got paid FUCKING dust ily story of another us & catch 22

least favorite: atm it’s permanent vacation i would say

youngblood

favorite: uhhhhhhhhhh lie to me or wwylm. man this is hard

least favorite: i think if walls could talk. i really wish i could confidently give an answer to any of these. but that’s what i‘m saying for now

CALM

favorite: thin white lies!!!!!! confidently!!!!!!! it took me a while to settle on a favorite and there’s a dece chance it’ll change again but for now, thin white lies

least favorite: ffffffff i mean. i think it’s easier. i don’t even really dislike easier but i think it’s easier

15. fav 5sos dog? answered this one here!

32. fav tattoo from any boy? i did already answer this here as well but i will CHOOSE ANOTHER. i like calum’s 2012 tattoo. and i like the X on michael’s finger. i straight up cannot Remember everyone’s tattoos idk man it’s not my body. WAIT actually i’m so lying i love the one michael has on his calf i think it’s really sick and it is a tragedy that we don’t see it very often

38. whose lane were you in when you first joined and whose lane are you in now? you test me hazel :/ no i’m kidding i don’t mind i definitely had a “lane” when i first became a 5sos fan because i was like? 13 years old or something? and i have no doubt i had a crush on luke. like...i don’t REMEMBER, and i probably wanted to be edgy and not like the lead singer, but i’m sure it was luke. i am a simple woman i see a cute boy and i claim him as my own! unfortunately i cannot give you a current lane because like you said i don’t really believe in them (or not for myself at least, respect to everyone else, idc what you guys do). i am in the michael-next-for-solo-project-preferably-pop-punk lane.

5sos asks :)