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kissbyoon · 9 days ago

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“on your way to love.” ₍ epilogue ₎

───── ABOUT epilogue of my first full fic “on your way to love” !! ς(๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑)

⋆ 𝒘𝒄: 1.9k ⋆ 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff, est. rs, humour ⋆ 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: bf!jeonghan x f!reader ⋆ 𝒄𝒘: skinship, kissing, petnames, kwan & chan are curious kids, tiny bit suggestive

A/N: i HAAAAAAATEE tumblr SO MUCHHH. LIKE WHAT DO U MEAN 1000 BLOCKS PER POST?? don't piss me off *insert bonon pic* | but this epilogue is completely based on this fic (haha check it out HAHA)

─────୨୧ EPILOGUE (5 MONTHS LATER)

With one last review, you gather your files and get up from your seat, ready to give it to your team leader. It was lunch time, and everyone had already left to have a break.

It was the first time in a while that Seungkwan, Chan and Joshua left without asking you to tag along with them. You didn't even mind, because you knew what was going on in their mind.

“We should get Y/n and Jeonghan with us!” Chan suggested, earning looks of disapproval from his colleagues Joshua and Seungkwan.

“Are you, like, stupid?” Seungkwan scowled, and poor Chan frowned, pouting.

“Hey, can't you read the room? Y/n is working on a project along with Jeonghan. Let's leave them alone.” Joshua explained, referring to how you two had been sharing peaceful talks and smiles, without the usual banters and enmity. Even though, out of the three, Joshua was well aware of the relationship between you and Jeonghan. So, he had to somehow divert their attention from you two and help to keep this thing a secret.

You really would tell Seungkwan and Chan, really. Just when your heart agrees that they would be understanding and won't create a scene because of it. You're fully aware of how they constantly ship you with Jeonghan, and getting this news is like a treasure found in the middle of an ocean floor for them. Maybe after another month?

Joshua, on the other hand, had been the master helper of Jeonghan. How could he not know? Especially when you started to suddenly make everything about his best friend.

“Oh my god, right! I swear I smell a fresh news coming soon—”

“Alright, alright, let's go!” Joshua interrupted Chan, pushing Seungkwan along with him in the elevator before entering himself too.

A soft smile touched your lips as you recalled their conversation you had eavesdropped on. You're not certain if you can hide it from them for much time.

The department floor was really quiet, with only you in there. Jeonghan had left his office just a few minutes ago to assist the CEO with a small issue. Ofcourse, he had to inform you before doing so.

You reached his office, pushing the glass door open before entering. Placing the stack of files on his desk, you took a look around his office in disapproval.

His belongings were everywhere but in their place.

After a minute of considering your thoughts, you quickly got to tidying up his things. You were just halfway through rearranging his books and files on his desk when you felt a pair of arms encircle your waist gently, causing you to flinch.

“What is my love doing?”

Snapping your head to look behind you, you were met with your lovely team leader who was grinning ear-to-ear, his amused eyes fixated on you entirely.

You let out a soft sigh of relief, lightly hitting his hand.

“You scared me..”

“Awh, I'm sorry~” he cooed, pressing his soft lips against the side of your neck as he rocked you like a baby.

“But why are you arranging my things? I would've done it myself.” He said, one of his hands reaching out to grab a pen from his desk and put it in the pen holder.

“Don’t worry, I came here to submit the recent report and this place looked nothing less than a store room.” You chuckle, grabbing your files and handing them to him.

“Woah, you're already done with it?” He breathed out, taking the files from your hands.

“Hm! Can you review it once—”

Jeonghan, without a second thought, placed the files on the desk and grabbed a pen to sign the front page. Your eye widened as you glanced between the paper and Jeonghan.

“Why would you sign it? You didn't even read it!”

“Why do I need to read it again? I trust you, love, and I know this is perfect. Is there even anything you can't possibly do?” He grinned, shooting you a glance as he collected all the paperwork and stacked them together.

With a stupid shy smile, you stared at Jeonghan, swooning over how he caused butterflies to dance in your stomach so flawlessly.

“That's an exaggeration. But thank you, hannie,” your smile widens as he turns his head to look at you.

“It's not an exaggeration!—”

“Okay, okay!” You shush him, placing a finger against his lips. He immediately shut up, clicking his tongue with a soft pout.

“Did you eat lunch?” You ask, turning to face him fully as you fix his hair. His hands instinctively reach to wrap around your waist. He shakes his head in response, leaning in for you to fix his hair properly.

“I'm hungry, though.” He adds, causing you to frown.

“Then go eat something... you can't be working on an empty stomach.”

“No, I want to have something else,” his smile grew, and his eyes shone with mischief—enough to let you know that he was upto no good.

“Something else?” You repeated, catching the way his eyes flickered to your lips. He bit his lower lip, a huge, flirty grin across his face.

The realisation finally settled in, earning a gasp from you. Your eyes grew wide in disbelief.

“...why would you word it like that!—” You say in amusement and disbelief, the corner of your lips curving upwards as Jeonghan laughed menacingly and leaned forward to press his lips against your soft ones.

He moved his lips gently on top of yours, unable to hold his smile as you chuckled. With a gentle push, he trapped you between him and the desk, placing his hands on either side of the desk.

The air around you turned sweet, blushy and—

“OH MY—”

“MY EYES!!!”

The two of you jumped, snapping your head to be met with Seungkwan and Chan—who looked very, very horrified at the sight unfolding before their eyes. Jeonghan and you could swear that your eyes shot wide like never before. Your hands instinctively pushed away Jeonghan, instantly regretting the harshness of it.

“C’mon, drop the act now,” Joshua followed in, lightly smacking their head before looking at you two with a guilty expression. “Sorry, I couldn't stop them from running away… you know how these two are.”

“Care to elaborate how exactly we are!?” Seungkwan shoved Joshua with his shoulder, glaring. But Chan couldn't care less about anything else as he gradually walked up to you two.

“This must be a dream…” he breathed, dramatically putting a hand over his chest. Jeonghan smiled to himself, loving the fact that he could finally show you off. (Because, Seungkwan and Chan knowing a secret was equivalent to the whole department being aware of it by the next day.)

“Chan, stop it—” you attempted to stop him, but in vain.

“I always knew something was up! You did so well Yoon Jeonghan!” Chan aggressively patted his shoulder while he smiled and nodded along, even offering his hand for a handshake.

“Stop, stop! Shouldn't we be interviewing Y/n first?” Seungkwan chirped, placing a hand over Chan’s shoulder.

You looked away, already closing your eyes at the sheer thought of their dramatic reactions and questions. Jeonghan, always the first one to notice your discomfort, placed his hands on his hips.

“얘들아! (Guys), I appreciate your excitement and support, but we have too much work to be talking about this,” he firmly stated, a hint of playfulness in his tone. Seungkwan stepped forward with a pout, ready to protest.

“What work? We just finished a project!”

“Reviewing the project for reassurance.” Jeonghan countered, raising an eyebrow. Joshua snickered from behind, earning death glares by Seungkwan and Chan.

“Then we’ll have team dinner tonight, it's my treat.” Jeonghan adds, immediately causing the two men to gasp in surprise. They straightened their posture, saluting their team leader as they shouted “your wish is our command!” in unison. And in no time, they were off to their cubicles, their eyes refusing to leave their computer screens until they would be done with the very specific work given by their boss as Joshua kept an eye on them to prevent them from slacking off.

Jeonghan proudly grinned, having avoided their thousand questions effortlessly. But his smile dropped as he turned to look at you—who was glaring her eyes out at him.

“What's wrong, baby…” he asked, almost too timidly. You turned to face him, huffing deeply. He stepped back, sensing danger.

“You know what's your problem?”

“...what?” He breathed out, his expression changing as he thought for a second that there was an actual problem with his behaviour. Did he upset you? Were you gonna breakup with him? Were you—

“You always notice whenever I'm feeling uncomfortable! Not only that—you managed to get those two out of here so effortlessly,” you pointed out the glass barrier at your fellow colleagues aggressively tapping on their computer mouse. “While I had to cross oceans and rivers and I don't know what just to get them to shut up!”

You complained, your eyes going wide as you continued to rant. Before the relief of this situation not being serious could even reach him, the feeling of adoration filled his system entirely. The fondness in his eyes returned, admiring each and every detail of your face as if it was his new hobby.

“Can you stop being so perfect?” With a final sentence, you end your rant and watch as Jeonghan’s expression shifts—a soft, but amused smirk danced on his lips, his eyebrows furrowed slightly and his hands rested in his pockets.

“You love me so much, don't you?” He asked softly, tilting his head. You frowned, but he mirrored your expression with a stupid dreamy smile, making it impossible for you to keep up the act any longer. The corners of your lips twitched, and before they could curve into a smile, you looked away.

Jeonghan chuckled, reaching to take both of your hands before placing them on either of his cheeks.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he said, his hands on top of yours that cupped his cheeks gently. “But those three words would sound pretty on your lips.”

Finally breaking into a grin, you held his face a little more stable and pulled him gently to peck his lips.

“I love you, hannie.”

A soft, beautiful and almost emotional smile touched his lips instantly, his eyes softening even more than before.

“I love you more, my pretty baby.” He whispered, pulling you into a warm and much-needed hug.

Those words sounded so natural and easy on his lips. As if he was meant to say it, as if it was the most beautiful thing he had ever done—to love you. Anyone else wouldn't catch the hundreds of emotions conveyed through his soft words, but you think you're the luckiest one to have understood each and everything perfectly.

You hugged him back with double his energy. Both of you melted in eachother's warmth, completely lost in your own lovey-dovey world to the point when Joshua cleared his throat to make his presence known outside the door, the two of you said—

“Privacy please,” in unison, in the same lovey-dovey tone as you stretched out your arm to emphasize. But Jeonghan was so busy hugging you, he could only use his words.

And poor Joshua, flabbergasted than ever, walked away with his jaw dropped to the floor.

It's unbelievable how life has so many different paths for you, and it's your choice which one you wish to follow. But you knew—following the path of your heart would be the best choice you could ever make.

So here you are with your home. And there's no other path for you to follow. You want to be just here, wrapped safely in his embrace forever.

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thewritetofreespeech · 11 months ago

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1000 Nights: Day 2 - The Morning After

WORDS: 2.1K

RATING: E

PAIRING: Gale x Tav (post game pairing)

SUMMARY: The morning after their wedding, Gale & Tav finally get the chance to bond as husband & wife do.

Ao3 * 1000 Series

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A pleasant dream gives way to a more pleasant reality as the sun lifted, and with it the citizens of Waterdeep.

Gale awoke rather easily to the sun's gentle prodding, while Tav did not. He was fine to let her sleep. She'd be up soon enough. He debated about getting up to make them breakfast, as breakfast in bed seemed the perfect way to start their new life as husband & wife, but he just laid there and watched her for a bit. Enamored that this was all his now and reflecting back to that morning in the Elfsong, just before he proposed.

“Good morning.” Tav greeted him. Sleepy, yawning, but with a dreamy sort of smile that would make Gale’s knees weak if he were standing on them.

“Good morning….my wife.” Every morning, Gale would wake and say, ‘Good morning my beloved’, or some variation of the endearment. Today, however, for the first time ever, he could say ‘my wife’. And oh, how he just knew he would never get tired of saying that.

Tav’s smile broadened and she leaned into him to give him a kiss. It was lazy, slow. Like the sunlight slowly dripping in through the window. Gale knew he could spend hours kissing her like this.

He slid closer to her on the bed and felt Tav gasp into his lips when she felt him brush against her hip. “I guess someone else is up too.”

Gale smirked at her teasing and lifted the sheets playfully. Of course, he knew it was there. But seeing Tav’s naked body against the white sheets made his manhood rise with more intention than just because the sun was up. “I suppose he is.”

“You know,” his full attention returned to Tav when she gave him that coy little coo, “I’m not technically your wife just yet. Not legally. Since we haven’t consummated our marriage.”

“Oh, is that so?” His hand reached for her under the sheets. Pulling her leg up and over his hip. “Well, I am nothing if not litigious, my love. Let us rectify that immediately.”

Tav giggled just before he pulled her in for another kiss. More earnest than before but not nearly as intense as Gale knew they were going to get. All his desire from last night after the wedding came flooding back to him. Along with this almost….primal urge to claim her. He knew she had been joking, but that quip about her not being his yet needled at a possessive streak in him that he didn’t know he had. Maybe because no one had ever been truly and wholeheartedly his before.

Continuing to lay claim to her lips, Gale rolled him and Tav over so he was on top of her. Aroused at the feeling of his weight eclipsing over her; forearms and knees be damned. Her hands slid up from his sides up to his hair. Weaving into his long tresses. Holding there like a fish caught in a net. Gale moaned as he felt them against his scalp. A slight pulling here & there that was unintentional but, honestly, he wouldn’t mind if it was intentionally. He kissed her a bit longer; torn between wanting to just kiss her forever or move on to more pleasurable things. Sealing their lips with one final kiss, like the stamp of a seal on a roll of parchment, Gale moved down to kiss along Tav’s jawline and her beautiful neck. It was no wonder Astarion had gone for it that fateful night so many moons ago.

He kissed further down until he made it past her breastbone to her actual breasts. Tav arched slightly into his touch. Gale had mapped out this path for himself many times before now. They had not been chaste in their relationship before or after getting engaged, but the wizard seemed committed to learn everything anew. Take his time. Relearn all the spots, nooks, and crannies that made his beloved sing. Get to know his wife.

His tongue flecked out to brush against one already pebbled peak. Watching gooseflesh pucker up on the sensitive skin as her voice called out, “Gale” in the softest, sweetest sound he had ever heard. His left hand toyed with the other one before he switched sides and made room for his right. Gods, how did he ever get anything done around camp with these things just….around every night? How did he get anything done ever with this body parading around within his view? How had he waited so long before when now Gale couldn’t wait not 10 minutes before he had to be inside her?

He showed valiant restraint, however, in not just diving in like a sex crazed novice, and instead made his way further down to his favorite spot on her body. The cradle of life. Her jewel. Some…other manner of poetry about female anatomy. It was getting very hard to think of any with her scent and apex so close to him.

Gale pulled back from peppering kisses along her inner thigh to look at her. Outer lips glistening. Almost quivering with excitement & arousal for him. Her juices beading up like dew while its owner laid back with her eyes closed and hands twisted in the sheets, waiting for him. What manner of brute would he be to keep his lady waiting for him any longer.

With one long swipe, his tongue laved over her entrance. Tav bowing off the bed once he had reached her clit and used just the tip now to tease it. Gale never considered himself much of a musician, although he wished he was at times. He could play the notes, of course, but he couldn’t make music; hence why he let the piano play on its own. But with Tav he could pluck the sweetest sounds out of her. The music she made as he worked her open, his tongue lapping at her while his fingers slid inside to get her ready for what was to come, was better than any ballad he had ever heard prior.

“Oh Gods Gale! Don’t stop…” He had no intention of stopping. Only death could stop him, and honestly, he’s decided it would be a pretty spectacular way to go. Nestle into her cunt, surrounded by her scent, her body & legs quivering around him as she threatened to cum any moment. If Gale could choose how he died, this would be his preferred method; right after passing away peacefully in his sleep from very old age with a book and imported bottle of wine.

Soon enough Tav’s ‘threat’ became a reality and she came for him. A wordless cry and arch of her back. He continued to work her through the tremors. Drinking in her wetness. Not slipping his finger free until her inner walls stopped pulsing around him, and not pulling back until she had gone completely still under him.

Gale lifted up to admire his handiwork and was quite pleased (and aroused) to see the state of his wife. No, not his wife. Not yet anyway.

Gale shifted closer on his knees before lifting Tav’s hips and lining himself up with her sopping entrance. She reached for him as he pushed inside, still tight despite his workings on her, as they moaned together. Once fully inside, Gale just rested there for a moment. Partly for the simple, practical application of he needed to calm down; or their consummation would be over about as quickly as a blink. But also wanting to feel all of this around him and commit it to memory. They were one now. Officially. Husband and wife. Together forever. Gale thought he might weep for a moment, as he was a very emotional man, but there were more pressing matters than his tears.

“Gale…please…” Tav squirmed under him. Clearly not as satisfied to just hold his cock inside her but be properly sated by it.

Gale chuckled against her ear, then kissed it. “You never are patient are you….my wife.” Tav let out a long, loud moan at his comment. But perhaps that might have been because he slid his hips back and then thrust back into her. He liked to think it was both.

They made love like it was the first time. Only better now, because Gale didn’t feel so awkward touching her in this human body with human hands. No longer shy and seeking, but confident. Masterful, even, as Gale had made every effort since that first time to learn what she liked and put it into practice. He was an academic at heart.

Gale also made every effort to keep this going as long as possible, while Tav clamored at him with kisses and touches. “Ah…! Gale! I’m gonna cum again!”

“Not yet,” he usually doesn’t deny her anything, but he wanted them to cum together this time. Tav let out a depressed groan as he caught her lips in some version of a kiss. “…Not yet…”

Tav seemed to listen, for about two seconds at least. She then wrapped her legs around his back and pulled him closer. Gale let out his own groan as he knew that she knew what that did to him. Then she just went ahead and played downright dirty by pulling him down by his hair for another kiss, but pulling his hair in a way that sent a shiver down his spine and right to his balls. It was over very quickly after that.

They laid together in a tangle mass of limbs. Sated and satisfied. Kissing softly in just enjoyment of the moment and each other. Gale pulled back to look at his wife. Tucking back a lock of her hair to get a full view of her face. “Beautiful.”

Tav scoffed lightly at him. “You always say the sweetest things, Gale Dekarios.”

“Well, it’s easy to drip honey when one so sweet is beside you,” ooo…honey, that gave him some ideas, “Mrs. Dekarios.”

Tav’s face broke out in a grin. So sweet, so shy, so bashfully jovial that Gale had to kiss her. There was really no other option. “So, what’s the plan for today?”

“Anything you want.” Gale told her. “Although, this was my plan for the rest of the day.” Tav playfully pushed him a little, thinking he was joking. He could assure her, he was not; not entirely anyway. “We could stay here,” again, part of his plan, “or we could go see the city. Continue moving your things in.”

In the fuss of the wedding, they had almost completely neglected moving Tav’s things in. Though she didn’t have much at this point. Tragically, the hero of Baldur’s Gate was left without a home as it was destroyed by the invasion of the Elder Brain like so much of the city. Her integrity and steadfastness to save the city apparently did not extend to her own four walls. “It’s just a house” she told him. Then pack up what little they could salvage from the rubble and embers, before they left for Waterdeep. He sometimes wondered if that maybe had not been one of the reasons she accepted his proposal, both for marriage & to live in his hometown with him, so quickly. He certainly hoped it was for love.

Tav groaned dramatically and rolled away from him to lay flat on her back. “Chores? During our honeymoon?” Gale is not ashamed to admit that the smile on his face at the word ‘honeymoon’ was positively giddy. “I don’t think I want to go into town today and deal with….people. Staying here sounds tempting, but I’ll need to stretch my legs soon.” Gale held his tongue to keep back any lewd comments that came to mind about ‘stretching her legs’. He was a gentleman after all, though Tav made him feel things of a very ungentlemanly fashion. “I can’t decide. I don’t remember being this indecisive before.”

“It’s easy to be decisive when there are so few options in front of you.” Gale reasoned. “The burden of choices.”

A few seconds later, the decision was made for them as Tav’s stomach growled. Gale’s rumbling in tandem almost like a sympathetic yawn. “Why don’t we work on breakfast.” He said as he slid out of bed. “After that the day, and world, is our oyster.”

“Ooo, oysters….Ok, sounds like a plan….husband.”

Gale stopped. Like he had been struck by something. Then he pounced back into bed and back on his wife. Kissing her fiercely as she shrieked and giggled. He decided they could make plans for lunch instead.

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blakellyl · 9 days ago

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I was at cirque du soleil not so long ago so

circus au! 🎪

Bob runs away from home unable to bear his father's abuse any longer and lives on the streets for some time, doing drugs and surviving as best he can, but one day while moving from place to place he stumbles upon a circus. Not just any circus, but the most famous one, even he's heard of it despite the fact that he's never been anywhere near such a thing (it’s not like there was anyone to take him). Bob tries to sneak into one of the trailers to steal money or food or anything useful and that's how he gets caught by Alexei (he’s the ringmaster and it’s his circus), who has returned to his trailer because he forgot something.

Seeing Bob's terrible condition Alexei takes pity and decides not to call the guards, instead asking Bob some questions (is there really no one to help him, how did it happen that such a young guy reached such a life and so on and so forth). Finding out that Bob has no one and nothing in his life, Alexei realizes that he won't be able to let the guy go like this so he offers him to go with them, saying that he will find him a job in the circus (he’ll just ask him to clean up here and there, only to make it look like he actually took Bob to give him some work) but in reality he won't demand anything from Bob and will only try to help him get off drugs (and to feed him bc Bob’s obviously all skin and bones from such a life)

THEN, after Bob gets back on his feet, when he’s completely off drugs and gained a little weight, Alexei will offer him to be part of the group (by that time Bob had already gotten close to everyone, of course, and they also helped him as much as they could, although some of them (John) were a bit cautious in the beginning)

What tricks will be performed by whom – whatever anyone likes, but sentryagent DEFINITELY 1000% is flying trapeze!

(how it’s explained in the au: Bob is lean and easy to catch and throw; John used to perform with Ava, but she had a bad accident (or smth like that) and can't do the trapeze now; while Ava is practicing other tricks for their shows, John has a girl from another circus temporarily replacing her while they’re looking for someone new)

Bob is terrified at first because he's afraid of heights and flying in the air relying on a partner when every time he trusted anyone in his life he deeply regretted it afterwards seems impossible for him. But John says that he’s never dropped anyone during their shows and even if he did there is a net above the floor and everything is absolutely safe; he asks Bob to at least try

And Bob, though not immediately, will agree

In the beginning they will practice for hours on end, every day, starting from the basics and learning to trust each other

Months will pass like that (and, of course, during this time not only will they learn to work in perfect harmony, to move as two parts of the same entity, but their relationship will develop into something far beyond friendship);

And then, when Bob will eventually be ready for his first show, John will whisper in his ear right before the performance, "Don't worry about anything, I'll catch you. You trust me, yeah?"

And Bob will nod, because after all the months they have spent together and all the training and all the times that John has confidently caught him with his strong arms, he does trust him, he trusts him fully, without any doubts.

(In the end Bob, who was extremely anxious before the show, will be surprised to find himself completely calm just before performing the stunt. At the same time John, who has done this a million times and was absolutely calm before the show, will be very nervous just before the stunt, even though, again, there is a net at the bottom, even though he never dropped his partners, and yet).

And lastly:

The show will go perfectly ofc, everyone will fall in love with Bob at first sight ofc (there is no other way) and sentryagent will be in love with each other and live happily with their thunderbolts* circus family

bonus:

Yelena filming one of Bob and Johns practices

#I love flying trapeze #why can we only attach one video to the post #tumblr do better #voidwalker #sentryagent #thunderbolts #john walker #bob walker #robert walker #bob thunderbolts #and yeah their circus name is thunderbolts*#obviously #it actually fits so good

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lonepantheress · 2 years ago

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i really love you

☆ pairing: kim gyuvin x reader

☆ genre: angst mostly! rlly not as romantic as i hoped

☆ warnings: yunjin le sserafim cameo

☆ wc: 3.3k

☆ a/n: i feel like i owe 1000 apologies and then some. this is the first thing that i've written in awhile. i know i've been MIA but life has really been chaotic. still i wrote this a few weeks ago and decided just to post since i haven't. i miss this blog and the lovely messages i'd receive. i hope you all enjoy <3.

You were often told that people envied your friendship with Gyuvin. You hadn’t known each other your whole lives, but it definitely felt like it. In fact, you considered yourself lucky to have a connection that goes so far beyond the surface level.

The depth of your bond presented itself in a way you considered unique. It was incredible to have someone who knew everything about you – who wanted to know everything about you. He was your shoulder to cry on and the most reliable person that you knew. You often found yourself with the fleeting thought of What if we were more than just best friends? But you brushed it off before you even gave yourself the chance to entertain it.

Still, it was no question to the people around you that you and Gyuvin were something more than best friends – even without that “Boyfriend-Girlfriend” label.

Which is how you found yourself in this position: You and Yunjin found yourselves in the same boat of “I-haven’t-know-you-my-whole-life-but-I-definetly-feel-like-I-have,” meaning you frequently spent your time with one another, and on a weekly basis you slept over at her apartment and vice versa.

You’d watch movies and do skin care and braid hair, but above all you exchanged secrets. Over months and months of sleepovers you found out about Yunjin’s secret spelling mishap of 8th grade, and she found out about your high school boyfriend who liked to call you “Sugar Plum” unironically. No matter how serious or ridiculous the secret, they came out naturally in the dead of night during almost every sleepover the two of you would have.

“I think, maybe, deep down inside, I am possibly harboring some feelings for Gyuvin.” The confession came out with the same pit in your stomach you get when you’re throwing up.

You sat across from Yunjin on her apartment bedroom floor with green face masks adorning both of your faces. You couldn’t believe the words that had just left your mouth, your heart raced while you waited for Yunjin to give you some sort of response. When your eyes darted up at her, she looked at you wide-eyed and jaw-dropped.

The room seemed to hold its breath, almost as if it were waiting with you for Yunjin to say something. You were having one of those heart-to-hearts that you only have in the dead of night, admitting all kinds of secrets that you had to look deep inside to find. Still, upon hearing yours, she blinked a few times as if she was trying to process what she’d just heard.

“Wow,” she said softly, breaking the silence, “I mean, I already knew that! I just wasn’t expecting you to say it!”

You managed a weak smile in return, the corners of your lips shaking with nerves, “Yeah. Me neither.”

“Well? You haven’t said anything to him about it?”

“What? No! Oh god, no. That hurts my head just thinking about it, no. I can’t.”

“You can’t?”

“I can’t.”

She didn’t understand you, but she understood the weight of your words and decided not to bother you about it anymore. Yunjin reached over and gently put her hand over yours, the warmth of her touch grounded you in that moment. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. You know I’m here if you need anything, right?”

The confession occupied the air between the two of you like a fragile secret. Now, the green face masks seemed oddly out of place. As if the intimate exchange had transcended the triviality of their original purpose.

Yunjin’s initial shock gave way to a soft smile, her eyes holding a mixture of empathy and understanding. The kind of understanding that could only be offered by close friends – knowing they may not comprehend the depth of your emotions, they will be there for you nonetheless.

You sighed heavily and turned your gaze to the ceiling, letting all those emotions you shoved down take their place in your heart. “I don’t even know what I’m feeling half the time,” you admitted, voice carrying a mix of frustration and self deprecation.

Yunjin chuckled, her eyes crinkled in the corners and the dry mask of her face cracked in sync. “Babe, feelings are messy! I don’t think mine ever follow a logical path.”

“God, tell me about it. It’s just… Gyuvin, you know? We’re just too good as friends. What if I ruin it?”

Your hand received a reassuring squeeze from Yunjin before she withdrew her touch, a pensive expression on her face. She leaned back on her arms, considering your words carefully.

“I mean – I personally don’t get where you’re coming from,” she began, voice gentle, “But think about it this way Y/n: if your friendship is as good as you believe it is, then it’s strong enough to handle some turbulence. Emotions aren’t always predictable, and that’s okay! What if some weird unspoken tension affects your friendship more than your harboring some secret feelings?”

You sighed again, staring at the tiles at the ceiling as if they’d give you the answer after a while. “I know. You’re right. It’s just scary…I don’t even care if he feels the same way, what if things get weird between us?”

Yunjin leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands. “Babe, look, I can’t predict the future. I do know that honesty is the best policy, though. He deserves to know the truth, but you deserve to express your feelings even more! Whether he reciprocates or not, it’s not in your control. What you can control is how you handle this moving forward.”

“You’re right,” you admitted, letting your head down to face her. “I can’t even tell you how long I’ve been avoiding this for. It isn’t fair to either of us.”

Yunjin smiled widely at you, mask cracking more and more. “Exactly! And you know what they say about regrets, right?”

“What do they say?”

“Well.. I don’t really know. But they have to say something about it! Look, if he truly values your friendship then he’ll appreciate your honesty.”

You smiled back at Yunjin, your own mask cracking from the movement in your face. Yunjin stood up and held her hand out for you to grab.

You reached out and took her hand, letting her help you up from the ground. The air in the room felt a little lighter now, as if the weight of your confession had been shared and the burden lessened.

“Come on,” Yunjin said, “Let’s wash these off and then go to bed. We can talk about this in the morning or something. And if things don’t work, I will happily accept a confession from you on his behalf!”

Despite the impact that your much needed heart-to-heart with Yunjin had on you, you still found yourself unable to take any immediate action (or any action at all, for that matter.) In fact, it was more like the opposite. Your behavior took an unexpected turn – one that puzzled those around you. To you, though, it all made perfect sense. You had finally sat down and confronted those feelings that you had long harbored, and you need some time and space to really process it. Particularly, time and space away from Gyuvin.

You shifted to practically being inseparable from one another to being distant and withdrawn. Those who’d grown accustomed to seeing you two together nearly every day were now met with your fleeting glances and casual avoidance. It was you who’d placed the invisible barrier between you and Gyuvin, leaving him equally confused by your sudden change in behavior.

Though, he didn’t know what exactly caused this sudden shift with you, he wasn’t blind to the cues you were throwing his way. He noticed immediately your short responses (if he had received one at all), and your excuses to avoid making any plans. He saw you take the long way from one place to another and he could only assume it was so you could avoid crossing paths with him. And while the biggest part of him wanted to know why, his brain told him to just let you deal with whatever it was you were dealing with.

This went on for three weeks before someone decided to mention it.

“What’s going on with Y/n?”

“What’s going on with Y/n?” Gyuvin scoffed at Matthew’s question and deadpanned, “If I knew that, she’d probably be here right now.”

Matthew raised an eyebrow, “Man, don’t get mad at me. I’m just so used to seeing you guys together all the time. It’s weird to everyone to see you guys apart like this.” Matthew leaned against the table at the campus café that they both sat.

Gyuvin let out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair, “You’re telling me? I’ve tried talking to her but she’s just… distant? I dunno. I can’t put a finger on why.”

“Did you guys have a fight?”

He shook his head, face full of frustration. “Is it bad if I say I wish we did? At least then I’d know what I did. She’s just been acting different. We used to spend hours talking about the dumbest shit and now it’s like pulling teeth to even get a few words out of her.”

Matthew took a sip from his coffee, gaze fixed on Gyuvin, “Maybe she’s going through something! Sometimes people start acting like that when they’re going through something personally. It could be something heavy, and she’s just not ready to talk about it yet.”

Gyuvin frowned at that idea, his mind was racing considering Matthew’s words. What could be so bad that you wouldn’t tell him? “You think so?”

Matthew nodded.

“I mean.. I don’t know, man. We’re always there for each other. If that’s the case then I wish she’d just let me in.”

Matthew gave a wide, reassuring smile before replying, “Maybe she will, eventually. Just give her some time. Try not to let her push you away completely, keep reaching out. Even if it’s just a, ‘Hey. How’s your day?’ text or something.”

Gyuvin nodded, trying his best not to acknowledge the little pit in his stomach that was gnawing at him, “I’ll do that. But I get to blame you if your advice sucks.”

With the days passing, Gyuvin took Matthew’s advice to heart. He started sending you the occasional message asking about your day or giving you an anecdote out of his. He wasn’t expecting lengthy responses, but he wanted you to know that he was still there regardless of whatever it was you were dealing with.

You, on the other hand, were dealing with all kinds of complex sentiments about your situation. To no one’s surprise, honesty was a much easier concept to speak about than it was in practice. That confession to Yunjin that night had opened a floodgate of uncertainty and fear for you. Part of you had expected your feelings to be reciprocated or to at least be brushed aside as a passing thought, but the reality was much more complicated. You’d unintentionally thrown a wrench in your friendship with Gyuvin, and it was past the point of you knowing how you could fix it.

You spent a lot of time thinking about it, your situation. You stared at your messages with Gyuvin and wondered if they’d be any different if you were honest. When you’d see him on campus laughing with his friends, your heart would ring itself out. Your close friends could notice the toll that it was taking on you, especially Yunjin. She was the only one who knew anything about what you were feeling, so she was the only one who could try to help.

She noticed how your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes anymore, or the heavy sighs that seemed to escape you involuntarily, or the way that you’d space out and think to yourself more often.

One night, you were both sprawled across her living room couch with a movie playing in the background. The atmosphere was interrupted by the loud chime of your phone. It sat on the coffee table in the center and the screen was lit up with a text.

“Who’s that?”

You both knew who it was. “Oh, probably my mom or something. I’ll just reply later.” You could lie all you wanted, but you couldn’t pretend that your situation wasn’t getting to you. The message was short and sweet, but it made your stomach erupt with butterflies while simultaneously giving you the urge to throw up. Hi, I’m thinking of you. Just wanted to check in and ask you about your day.

“Y/n.” Yunjin spoke softly, but she sounded stern. She wanted you to take her seriously and to let your walls down again.

“Yunjin.” You responded, putting your phone back down and looking her in the eye.

“I can see how much this is bothering you. It’s eating you up inside, isn’t it?” She sat up and grabbed the remote from the coffee table, pausing the movie before facing you again. Neither of you need to clarify what “this,” was because the heavy toll it had taken on your heart was evident to anyone who knew about your feelings.

You couldn’t stop the tears before they began to fall. You could only nod in response, unable to put your feelings into words.

“Babe, I think it’s time to face this head-on,” Yunjin suggested, maintaining a firm but gentle tone. “You can’t avoid him forever. It’s hurting the both of you.”

“But what if it makes things worse?” You whispered, voice trembling.

“I really, really, really don’t think you’d do that,” Yunjin sighed and faced you directly. “He asked me about you the other day.”

That only made you cry harder, feeling like your heart would just explode in your chest. “What’d he say?” You managed to ask through sobs.

“You know, he just wanted to see how you were. If everything was okay with you.”

“And what’d you tell him?”

“I told him that I couldn’t really say. That you’ll make the time soon to go talk to him.”

“Yunjin…” you trailed off and broke your eye contact with her, feeling embarrassed. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy,” she began, “But, this distance? This awkwardness? It’s not doing you any favors. At least if you talk to him you’ll know where you stand.”

All you could do was nod before Yunjin brought you into a deep embrace, comforting you while you cried on her shoulder.

Over the next few days, you continued to wrestle with the decision of finally facing Gyuvin. The inner turmoil was beginning to reach its peak, you knew that you couldn’t keep pretending like he didn’t exist. Yunjin’s words echoed in your mind as a constant reminder to confront your feelings and put an end to the growing distance between you and Gyuvin.

One evening, as the sun began to set and cast a variety of golden hues over the city, you found yourself standing in front of Gyuvin’s favorite coffee shop. It was also your favorite, but you’d been avoiding it on the off chance that you’d see him there. Your heart raced as you took a deep breath, trying to summon the courage to go inside. The bell above the door tinkled as you entered, scanning the cozy interior until your gaze met Gyuvin.

He was sitting by the window, engrossed in whatever assignment he was working on, his brows furrowed in concentration. The sight of him sent a rush of emotions through you – familiarity, comfort, and a twinge of nervousness. You scolded yourself internally for being scared to talk to your best friend.

You approached his table, cringing at how loud your footsteps seemed to sound in the otherwise quiet café. He looked up, surprise registering on his face before morphing into a warm smile.

“Hi,” he greeted, closing the books that littered the table and setting them aside, “I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“Hi,” you echoed, your voice a little shaky, “Is it okay if I sit with you?”

Gyuvin’s expression to a more confused one, but his smile never faltered. “Of course you can sit with me,” he gestured to the empty seat across from him, “I would actually really like it if you did.”

You settled into the seat, avoiding eye contact with him. The silence between the two of you hung for a moment before Gyuvin decided to speak up, “Is everything okay with you? I feel like I never hear from you lately.”

You took a deep breath, your heart still racing. “That’s actually why I came here. I was hoping you’d be here so that we could talk.”

His brows furrowed slightly and his expression dropped, concern evident in his eyes, “You can tell me anything. Please, talk to me.”

“I really love you Gyuvin.”

Gyuvin smiled earnestly at you, “I love you too. You know that you can tell me anything, right?”

You sighed and looked him in the eye before repeating yourself, “No, I mean, I love you.”

Gyuvin's eyes widened, and he seemed momentarily taken aback by your confession. He opened his mouth to say something but hesitated, as if choosing his words carefully.

You cut him off before he could speak, “I just – I sort of realized it one night and I couldn’t figure out how to face you? I didn’t know how, so I just didn’t. And I know it was wrong and I know I should’ve just been honest with you and I just….” you trailed off and looked for some sign of understanding in his eyes.

There was a passing moment of silence where your eye contact was never broken, but you could feel your heart drumming against your chest while the lights in the café began turning on to account for the lack of the sun.

“I love you too.”

Your eyes widened and you waited to respond out of fear that the butterflies in your stomach would fly out if you opened your mouth. “You love me?”

“I really love you,” he mimicked your earlier statement.

You laughed a bit and let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, reaching a hand out to intertwine with Gyuvin’s. “I was so scared. That by telling you I’d ruin our friendship. That scared me more than anything.”

"Y/n, you have to understand that our friendship is incredibly precious to me, like a guiding light in my life. But you… you're more than that. And now, it's as if our bond is being woven even tighter, stronger, because we're entrusting each other with the most vulnerable parts of ourselves." Gyuvin's voice softened, his eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine. "It's a kind of feeling that I never want to lose."

You felt a sense of relief wash over you at his words, tears welling up in your eyes and rolling down your cheeks, “I should’ve talked to you sooner. I’m sorry, I really am.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said softly, wiping the tears from your cheeks with his free hand. “You’re here now. We’re here now and that’s what matters.”

You chuckled through your tears, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders. “Yunjin was right, you know. She told me I needed to face this head-on.”

“I never thought I’d say this about her, but you have a pretty smart friend,” Gyuvin teased, his smile widening.

You both laughed, the tension in the air dissipating. It felt like a heavy fog had been lifted for the both of you, leaving a clarity that neither of you had seen before. The café seemed to fade into the background as you focused on each other.

“So…” you began, “What do we do now?”

Gyuvin leaned in a little closer, his eyes locked onto yours. “I think you owe me, at the very least, a date for what I had to put up with this past month.”

You nodded, stifling your giggles from him before responding, “I think I can make that happen.”

#zerobaseone x reader #zb1 x reader #zb1 imagines #zerobaseone #zerobaseone headcanons #zerobaseone scenarios #zerobaseone oneshot #zerobaseone angst #zb1 angst #zb1 fics #zerobaseone fics #kim gyuvin #gyuvin x reader #zb1 gyuvin #gyuvin imagines

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11queensupreme11 · 5 months ago

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OKAY I GOTTA CHANGE MY THEORY NOW

a loooong time ago, i made several posts about what i think is gonna happen in record of ragnarok. i guessed that the 12th round would end in a tie, causing an EXTRA round to happen between the extra human fighter and another god fighter we haven't seen yet cuz they only got 12 while humans have 13, so i theorized that the new god fighter would be the WINNER of the apocalypse of the gods spinoff (well... winner before zeus beats them for the last spot lol)

(and i also theorize that the last round would be odin vs nostradamus and after the latest chapter, nostradamus' valkyrie would definitely be göll!!!!)

but anyway, there's no damn way the winner of the spinoff could fight in ragnarok 😭 i think i talked about this realization of mine before, but yeah, i don't think it's happening unfortunately 😞

the spinoff consists of sixteen fights and we're just BARELY starting the second round whereas ror is already about to start the eleventh. the spinoff, just like ror, also releases monthly. even if they did double updates, there's no way they'd be able to reach a conclusion prior to a tie happening in ragnarok 😭 unless they decide to spoil everyone by revealing the winner of the god's apocalypse in ragnarok before the spinoff manga could even get to that, but that'd be too big of a spoiler and i don't think the mangakas would risk that maybe???

so yeah, new theory time!

round 11: simo vs loki -> loki win because it seems the most obvious

round 12: anubis vs rasputin -> rasputin, which would bring the humans and gods to a close tie, that way round 13 would be hyped up because now everything's back to a 50/50

round 13: i initially wanted it to be nostradamus with göll vs odin...... but i think it could be kintoki with brunhilde vs odin. -> kintoki wins, odin maybe idk loses his shit and summons/brings back that arche dude or maybe he does a maniacal cackle and goes "it's toooo late! you're all about to be destroyed muahahaha!" or some dramatic villain shit like that

in comes arche, then "round 14" happens with nostradamus and göll vs arche. nostradamus and göll win, saving humans AND gods from destruction, ragnarok ends with humanity winning, and they could live for another 1000 years yaaaaaaaay

for those wondering why nostradamus, i had an older theory (that i also can't find rn 💀) about how nostradamus intentionally destroyed the bifrost centuries ago because he SAW odin resurrecting arche and realized that they would be summoned in helheim first before gradually going up to wreck havoc. the bifrost canonically connects valhalla and helheim together, so i think he might've tried to destroy it to break the connection in order to prevent arche from getting to valhalla but failed. and that's why i initially thought he'd go up against odin

buuuuuuuuut now i believe he'll be going up against arche! or maybe those other primordials (satan, ymir, and chaos) will make a reappearance? idk i'm outta brain juice rn 😂

#👸🏻| arsenic blues #👸🏻| rambles

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draftmare · 1 month ago

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I have been stewing on this post for a couple of weeks now. First off, a health update. I think the last time I talked about my wrist/arm issues I had mentioned that the pain had moved up to my elbow. Well, I decided to go to see my PCP, which started a flurry of appointments, testing, visits to specialist, afternoons spent laying in my bed curled in the fetal position wishing my arm would just fall off already, all the emotions. I came out the other side with an arm that is still basically useless and no closer to an answer than I was when I started. I like to think after 6 knee surgeries and a breast reduction I have a pretty high pain tolerance, and when I tell y'all this arm situation has really stopped me in my tracks... I don't want to do anything. I have lost all motivation to ride, I have to take a nap on my lunch break every day just to make it through the day, I am physically and mentally exhausted. What started in my wrist 14-ish weeks ago has now encompassed my elbow and my shoulder joints. I have a hot, fire like pain shooting down my forearm day and night. My doctor just prescribed me heavier pain medication, and the next steps are PT, an US, and an EMG.

On the book reading front, I finished Voyager, the third book in the Outlander series. Instead of diving straight into another 1000+ page book right away, I decided to take a step away and read Paladin's Grace by T. Kingfisher. Swordheart by the same author is one of my favorite reads in recent years. It was so refreshing to have a FMC that was an average body, and in her 30s and a MMC with a dad-bod who was a retired solider instead of a 500-year old Fae warrior god. Swordheart and Paladin's Grace take place in the same world, and I am already finding myself engrossed after the first 5 chapters. This book is pretty short, well at least compared to Voyager and Drums of Autumn, so it is also refreshing how quickly I am moving through the story.

On the gaming front I finally moved away from BG3. Did I finally make it to Act 3? Heck no. But I did make it most of the way through Act 2 before I just ran out of steam on this one...again... It's not the game's fault, I swear. It's entirely my own doing. The desire to make and remake class and species combos, the need to romance eeeeeverybody. I think I am pretty darn close to 1000 hours on this game in total. I will probably get back to it someday, but for now just the thought of picking it up again makes me groan. Instead, I spent some time playing No Rest for the Wicked, it's a fun little indy souls-like that is currently in early access. They just did a big update and wiped all the characters, and then after I had put about 20 hours in, they announced another big update would be coming in either June or July and with that update characters would be getting wiped again. That update adds a bunch of quality-of-life features that I really, really want in the game, so I have paused my playthrough for now. That is, unfortunately, a risk you take with early access games. Now I am playing DragonAge: Veilguard. This game got a TON of flak from diehard DragonAge lovers, but I have been having a good time. The combat is a little wonky from what I am used to. It has taken some getting used to. In contrast to what I would normally play, I have found myself loving the warrior class. I literally never play a sword and board class. I always go for either the mage or other ranged class options.

Chickens are doing awesome. They are outside from about 7am to 7pm now.

The chickie nuggets are getting braver by the day. I always seem to either be out of reach of my phone or have forgotten to carry my phone out with me altogether when it happens, but they are now regularly perching on my arm and NAPPING on my arm. Like, full on head under the wing conking out while sitting on my arm.

I don't have much update on the horse front. I got my saddle back from the saddle fitter, but I honestly haven't been feeling very motivated to ride. Spend time with her? Yes. Ride? Not so much. I don't have any goals right now. I can't afford to show at the moment. I don't even know if I want to pursue dressage anymore. I would be okay with doing something like ranch riding or working equitation. But those are all things that are hard to do while at a dressage training facility. Mostly it's because by the time I get her groomed and tacked up all of my energy is gone and I hurt so bad, then I get on and feel like I need to work on things from my lessons and make constant improvements and always be in training mode. I don't want to give up riding, but it would be nice to do something that feels a little less intense while I figure out what the heck is wrong with me.

#dressage #appaloosa #draft cross #horsblr #equestrian #blog post

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bluegoblinzz · 5 months ago

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A "Thank You" and an Update

This was posted to Furaffinity first and now I'm reposting it here. This post has the potential to be long and rambly. if it ends up being this way, then you may skip around and just read the parts you're curious about. I won't be upset if you don't read the whole thing.

Hey guys. At the end of September and in the beginning of October, I decided to start writing TF stories and to start posting them to Furaffinity, Tumblr, and AO3. I'm not new to writing, but I've always primarily been a fantasy fiction writer, and not a TF story writer. I just wanted to say: thank you guys SO much for the support thus far. Thanks to those of you who regularly come back to read my stories, thanks for watching and thanks for all your comments, feedback, and compliments!

Since I was a teen it's been my dream job to be an author, and while I'm not there yet: it's amazing to know I have an audience now, and that people are enjoying my work! What's even better to me is that people are enjoying these TF stories, which is a topic I convinced myself was 'too weird' for anyone to enjoy last year! I always had the desire to include a bunch of TFs in my stories, but I always used to censor them or gloss over them because I thought I was alone with this interest. the fact that so many people enjoy my stories tells me that I'm not alone in this interest, and makes me more confident to be myself! So, thank you, once again!!

I've come a long way in the past few months, and I've feel like I've reached some milestone or checkpoint, and the question I've been asking myself for a week or two now is: where do I go now? While I'm still figuring that out now, I have a bit more of an idea now, and I want to clarify that here.

Commissions

I will continue doing commissions in the future, and my commissions are STILL open currently! If you have some TF idea like "I want to make my character a werewolf" or "hey, I don't see too many of this kind of TF! can you write a story about it?" Then I'd LOVE to hear it. check out my featured post or my featured journal for commission info!

That being said: Life is gonna get busier. I won't be able to write a 1000 or 2000+ words a day. I will have to slow down at some point. A month or two ago I opened commissions and I wasn't sure how it would go, whether I would be overwhelmed by my queue, or whether no one would approach me. It seems to be a little bit on the slower side. To be clear: if I receive a commission, that WILL become my writing priority until the customer is satisfied. However: commissions, as a whole, will not be my priority with my writing.

For now: I still have plenty of time on my hands. if you would like a story written by me, and if you would like it quickly and without delays, then now is the time to talk to me!!

Novella, or Novel, or something

Right now I need to be writing toward some goal. I have written thousands and thousands of words over the past few months, and probably got more writing done than ever in my life. However, I cannot (and SHOULD not) publish it. All my recent stories are already out in the wild and for you guys I wanna keep it that way. On the side, however, I'd like to work on a larger project that I'll be able to publish somewhere and somehow. I did have a fantasy novel I was working on in 2023, but it's a bit messy right now, so I'm not sure if I'm going to continue that one right away. Whatever I work on, however, will be guaranteed to include a lot of TF, so I'm sure you guys will enjoy it. So if I go silent for a few weeks, I may be working on that big project!

Teasers

So let's say, hypothetically, I come up with some idea for this bigger project, and that I also receive no more commissions ever again. That does NOT mean I'll stop posting here! In fact: I have had MULTIPLE ideas that I've had on the back burner for quite a while. These include: A story involving my sonas Fib and Kai, where Fib is hypnotized by Kai, more drone stories involving that organization "Cumulus" in "Clouds fill the Mind of the Drone," a fan fiction of the podcast "Innbetween" by Hannah Writ where one of the characters becomes a were animal, and a handful of other stories. So basically: there's plenty more to come, I'm excited to write these stories, and share them with you.

I'm not really sure how to finish up this journal. I just wanted to keep you guys posted, and I wanted to say thank you, so so much, for reading all my stories and for supporting me thusfar!

#update #announcement #writing #furry

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melancholybliss92 · 1 year ago

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Bruh I'm not done with My rant yet. This girl said a long long time ago when that brown diarrhea bitch in Kansas try to contact the 40 yr old and he never answer. That was her hint it's done. She would have tried to contact him again in 2020 when she deleted all pics with her druggie bf in Kansas. They said she would have snooped on the other guys page and saw he's with someone smarter younger and more successful which is me. They all said she knows her place that's why they never talk again . She's in clear denial one of her flings found someone with a fit body, hot young and successful while she stuck in Kansas living with in a piece of shit apartment with a younger white dirty White dude who does not buy her expensive gifts. She has to lie and front and make corny posts about him to keep him because she knows No One else will want to be with her. The 40 yr old said this chick looks like a man, smokes weed, staying at a dead end job and she is fat and hiding her body, she has no real hobbies except eat food and she lies. She doesn't have pics of her working out or showing her body but he said she keep saying she work out. Her fling which is the guy I'm with. He said she was keeping him as a back up because if she was happy with the current boy she wouldn't try to contact him years ago in 2018 or 2019. He said she been doing that trick since 2016 before she ran away to Kansas. They met at work. They didn't talk for months. He said outta nowhere she would message him on Facebook chat saying hey. He said years ago when he got the random text from an unknown number its 100% her. He said thats already weird she with the white boy in kansas but she try to reach out to him. He never ever answer. He didn't even save her number but she saved his . That's sad as shit . She in Denial making up fairy tales saying if she comes back the 40 yr old will wife her lmaoo. He knew she was moving to Kansas back In 2016. He didn't stop her once time lmao. If he wanted to wife her, he would have stopped her from moving to Kansas back in 2016. She hinted to him she needed a room mate. He didn't help her. Bitch is crazyyy. If he wanted to marry her he would have gotten a place in Philly and message her to come back. Nobody wants her ugly ass in philly she failed and ran away to Kansas. Now she making endless lies like guys want her and she's the one that left. He even said her cousin got her the job and she was in her cousins apartment in kansas first. He said she can't do anything on her own .

I told him I'm moving to another apartment back in 2021. He stop me and said he's getting a house come move in with him . That 50 yr old looking Italian transvestite is crazyyyyyy. He stopped me from moving but he didn't stop her.

She fucked up she lost a good guy now she stuck in a apartment in Kansas with a younger dude who doesn't buy her expensive gifts like the 40 yr old. If she thinks paying $100 insurance is expensive and OLD computer parts is expensive. Wait till the fat bitch sees what he buy me .

He pay half my rent. He didn't do that with her to get her to stay. $1500 laptop, half $450 rent. $500 necklace. $1600 hotel. $1000 car parts. $400 tires. $150 sketches shows. $65 nike shoes. $half 1300 lasik, I paid half $1500. The list goes on. He got me a recent $200 pink gaming keyboard it goes on and on.

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rennyji · 1 year ago

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painting a picture -- sorry not my favorite post to point to -- has to be said

So my mom has been unexpectedly off or on leave from work.

Is it to incite grievances one way or the other to further a project by creating a setting?

Is it because I’m writing about my situation and that implies I’m less hinged?

Do the orchestrators think that they can show utmost care to situation by leaving mom off when Renny is writing?

You screw my head, put me through shock therapy 20 times, notify people of me regardless of which external setting, and you think people are retarded to believe you were careful, Mr/Mrs Orchestrator?

But I could be wrong. I’m pretty pissed with my decade plus long situation. The orchestrators already pulled the most unbelievable situation.

Hey caring b*stards! in the orchestrators Did you think about what that leads the mind to wonder about, when you turn everything upside down?

How are you going to justify frying my brain 20 times with electro convulsive therapy? Where was your caring mindset…but wai, I'm still unsure if the extended leave my mom is taking, is about a facade to indicate care from the orchestrator's possible directive.

---

You know what else slips, in terms of detail, through everyday interactions?

The woman who allegedly hijacked my call to the FBI happened to be of a black accent as she screamed “stop calling us” while impersonating the FBI. The FBI is expected to be trained for the psychology of difficult situations or people. And they’re yelling “stop calling” without any input from me doesn't imply compassion, but aggression.

But then this is the world we live in…you have a mob of people robbing an Apple Store in Philadelphia.

Congress, society’s elite, breaks into fist fights.

Someone in court, was reported by the news, as jumping or pouring on the overseeing judge.

Is it too much of a stretch to assume kids that I complained about, or people I complained about, ages ago, were given unprecedented access to high end technology?

---

What do other people get from my situation? Normally, by knowing what’s possible and impossible, legal and illegal, people get sanity and structure to their lives. Doesn't doing this to my life, leaving me an opportunity in history or a Guinness book, doesn't this uproot how people understand their lives?

What does my situation do for me and others?

Some of the things that happen in my vicinity:

Right from the gitgo: insults to my features, be it lighter skin tone or size of lips.

Next, when I go for TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation therapy for ADD) consultation, something, maybe own history/experience, gets nurse in New Jersey, outside of Yonkers and Westchester, to ask me if I have kids I don’t know about.

When I go to CVS, while I’m getting causal snacks for a casual movie night, you have people trying to fight over $5. Sometimes I wonder if it's bait for me to comment on. But I see this...

I’m forced in a situation, where I’m forced into behavioral health centers, where I’m around guys who’ve been arrested, fans of terms like bird dogging, haters of soft hands, guys saying “I want my money/where’s my $1000."

I’m forced out of a job and put into the Social Security system where I’m talking to defiant people you don’t feel comfortable asking questions. It takes forever to reach some1 and you end up living off minimal monthly money, like you don’t have two degrees, since no one seems to want to give me a job because of my situation.

At Bank of America and PepsiCo, the focus was always to get me to go on coffee breaks or writing long emails. No one would take me seriously. What does that do to a psych?! You take initiative to talk to people, through Zoom, in India, late at night, or Australia, or people in Texas. You're told don't get involved. You press someone to provide needed information for a project, for months, they keep telling you they'll do it, but don't, and manager doesn't press them. At Bank of America, I'd go to work on Saturdays to train myself in their technology. When assigned something, I do it, try to have someone check it over, and they basically flip me off. A lot of my peers surprised when I indicate I have any type of technical know how. All this evidence indicates the jobs I do get are just to physically get me out of the house, in a public setting, put through something to find out how my mind communicates by having people engage in random conversations or disputes with me, via conversation or email.

but I digress, I'm trying to paint a picture:

When I went to Binghamton, the first time I’m in front of their information commons: a vast and advanced computer lounge for 200 students, the orchestrators project their interest in seeing opportunity for the under funded SUNY Albany.

Binghamton, outside of Albanys nanoscale engineering school, is better funded, allegedly, because of it being the Harvard of the SUNYs.

It gets that reputation from admitting students with higher grades and test scores. One could argue targeting that subset of students also attracts common personalities. When I started out as an engineering major there, just by saying my major to someone, people understood, I'm booked with books for the next four years.

SUNY Albany is well reputed party school. Stating my major here didn't have the same results.

People upstate may have a different mindset because they get admissions and transfers from local community colleges and regular colleges in the vicinity.

The students I interacted with there, were local, or from places like Brooklyn vs. Bronxville or New Rochelle reputed to having better school systems.

The accusations by students or faculty in my vicinity, at SUNY Albany, is whether I’m on drugs - since people are allegedly helping me somehow someway- along with accusations of whether I’m mean to invisible women, or woman, singular.

I’m seen as a nasty/impolite/spoiled man as a student then and in present time. Whose viewpoints are these? Do white people, beyond olds school whites running troubled kids tv shows have this perspective? Do black American women have this focus on discipline, that they think ur lacking in?

This isn't me being racist. Sometimes when people like my mother speak, in what they say, how they say it: I feel like I'm hearing the echo of someone else, like an attitude I'm used to seeing from lots of television.

Next thing in painting a picture:

I’m around people who want to bait me into a conversation about Jamaican people having parents that are strict about their children’s education…

---

My working class parents, whose hard work over the years gave me my house and heat and whatever, gave me a good high school where we were educated on what kind of men to be. We wore blazers and had laptops before they were the norm. I spent my lunchtimes in study halls or visiting a chapel, because of something I remember hearing: people grow distant from their faith as they get older. I wanted to avoid that. We were taught to be leaders. It leads to being an engineering major at, when its a state university, a good state university, or what ended up being known as the Harvard of the SUNYs.

It’s funny: if I knew I was going to Albany, I could have taken the scholarship from initial admission, vs the paid tuition from being a transfer.

---

So, I'm sorry, if you took the time to read this, and this sounds bad, or if it's not connecting well. It's about a vibe I'm getting and not something I'm intently motivated to articulating, like mindfulness. It's not me retelling for the 100 billionth time, the story of how I got to the present day: January 17th. If this post puts you off, I hope it doesn't stop you from reading the other things in the Tumblr link/post that directed you here. As per what's on twitter (handle: @rennyji ), there's some good stuff and there's some bad stuff. Its twitter. I usually make points based on the news or philosophy or the state of the world, but there is also, from hindsight, some garbage like me realizing American's over use of toilet paper in place of soap and water. Things factoring into that: I saw an advertisement for a product called LUMI, that you apply to a particular crack, and when. you're a first generation American like myself, you wonder if the things you do, are the same way everyone in America does things.

----

But about that picture that I feel I'm getting vibe toward, from things coming to my attention:

So I’m big lipped, a Michael Jackson skin color obsessor, I’m on drugs, I’m aggressive, I’m mean to women, I’m entitled?!, I’m a disobedient son, I have kids I don’t know about, and let’s use him to get funding for our school by showing what another SUNY is receiving by comparing computer lounges.

On that last note, Binghamton takes 3.9 gpas and higher SAT scores. Why wouldn’t they get bigger funding, mr and Mrs suny Albany, when you attract smaller scores? No one talks about this, it's something understood, but now we're on a stage where it needs to be said. There's a college for everyone.

Now, I'm saying this again. I hope I don't come off as prejudiced.

I keep talking about the golden rule. If you know my mind, are reading it, know my thoughts/memories, you know then, that I see all people the same way, and try to sum up a person by their character vs. their physical appearance. I make it a prayer.

But I feel I need to say this because the theme keeps coming up: Is one demographic from Albany, who angrily hijacked my calls and a proponent of discipline, using me to further their interests and for their people, while making me look like a fool in front of Indians?

---

I don't know how my parents convey to their Church community that they had their son sent to a hospital by through the police semi arresting him, because a situation needs my mind probed. Is it shown? I'm assuming everything's shown. In this regard, and my situation as a whole, I take the pessimistic route to receiving the fruits of optimism; or I assume the worst possible situation where I'm naked in every regard, to get that fruit of optimism being a sense of control and peace of mind.

---

If its not the minority oriented demographic of SUNY Albany, I've wondered if, conversely, this is a middle aged white woman (from probably the alleged show for troubled kids), or now older white woman-grandma class), who thinks I’m some dirty minority, in accordance with elitist white thinking.

----

someone is making the claim that they think my life is easy? In comparison to who?

Among Indian people, I’m the product of working class parents who decided to do what they can, to give their son a leg up, through education for a better future.

Are the whites or blacks in this, making a point from experience with THEIR families and friends?

I mean to ask me if I have kids I don’t know about or if I’ve beaten my roommates, or simply taking their side when they make claims out of envy over something I don't even know about?

My life went from having a leg up, to being bashed to the floor. .

When I first started college as an engineer, I got more than the benefit of doubt, I was the guy to know.

But then something happens. As I start noticing increased attention towards me, during my latter years there, people who don't like me or want an excuse to snap at me because of some inadequacy in their life, were getting fueled by something.

Everyone has something and everything going for them. But there was something that made people direct what seemed to be heated envy.

But moving forward, I said I went from having a leg up in life, to the complete opposite.

At these behavioral health centers, they make you walk without shoes from building to building, have someone patrol your side, make you piss into bottles in front of your roommate, squat to make sure you don’t have cocaine up your a*s.

What a mind f*. I'm privileged to have my parents, but I'm unfortunate, in the sense that, if a teacher or authority figure says something bad about me, they're inclined to believe them, than me.

Whoever the American orchestrators are, you’re insulting your own kind, be it white or black with the things you put me through, or these questions and assumptions about drugs, illegitimate children, curiosity as to why I'm not hitting the bars. That’s how you see yourselves or your kind? This is how you see people or what constitutes a difficult life?-pissing in a bottle at a mental institution?

I’ve been posting on twitter recently and you see some violent things on the twitter newsfeed, and it raises an eyebrow like at the beginning of this Apple note in the Note app.. who are you making me a role model or example or anti example for? For who are you making America better? Indian people? White people? Black people? America as a whole? If it's America as a whole and the world is witnessing it, is me pissing into a bottle across hospitalizations what you want to project as the American gold standard? If its about Indian people, our problems are problems when we don’t study or go to Church.

Some of these characters on twitter swing bats at students in grade school.

If an Indian has a bat, it’s because they want to feel safe while closing their grocery store. They don’t have the imagination or aspiration for something major like a gun or shooting someone. This is at a time when I'm put in public awareness, from evidence and observation and the police aren’t acknowledging my situation.

I took bold moves to confronting my situation. As this seemed to be internet hack related, I visited the FBI office in Bethlehem, New York, just to start a conversation about odd things I've noticed. In America, shouldn't you be able to talk to a police officer without fear or being taken to a mental institution? When I went there, 2 FBI agents are wondering why “the guy from that” is in our location (from their expressions<-they looked at each other, middle aged male and female, perplexed...how do they know I'm not "that" guy and instead "some other guy" looking to report violence or a cyber attack or something else that falls under FBI jurisdiction...isn't that why they have an office? i.e. if someone wants to talk to an agent; to be accessible). But to closing the lid on the bat I held in my backseat, At a time of killings and fightings in schools, as seen on channels like Fox News, why are you reading into my actions when I leave baseball bat in the back seat of my car or have pepper spray, in taking the protective measures of a teenage girl?

It's not a gun. But my possession of a baseball bat made the orchestrators and my family think I'm out for blood. Based on what? No one knows. Then my pot smoking roommates at SUNY Albany decided to gang up on me and push me into my room for hinting at buying cleaning supplies for our bathroom. Completely random. They then reported me as having hit them, when it was them that pushed me into my room, after which I closed my door. Is that why I'm assumed as being dangerous with a bat? Because of someone else's lie? And these guys don't let up. Their ring leader, not to stereotype, but a big frat guy bad mouths me every time I walk by. If we happen to be in the bathroom at the same time, I ignore him, he ignores me, and at a vulnerable moment, he throws paper tissues my way.

All I can assume is that people had a reason to be randomly envious or angry at me or to light some short fuses.

Whether its elderly white people running a troubled kids show, or a black community hating me because they think I'm elitist for taking a stand, through words, about my situation, ummm Cultural clash much? Wrong image or perception with the wrong people?

Regarding a girl I once liked, to whom I believed a connection with the random kids causing me problems, I eventually lost interest because the friends seemed to paint a picture, considering they looked off or maybe too cool for my tastes. I was looking for someone that I could bother, spend my time around, attend to, or do stuff with, hover around. It's based on a childhood memory. I recently saw a movie about a love story that happens with a woman who suffers from insomnia. She dreams of someone who she can fall asleep with. On a straight note, when I sit next to my brother and lean toward his shoulder, I fall asleep from being happy he's around - I say this because with my situation? I have trouble falling asleep. So I'm going to add that to the list in my adult years: I want someone I can fall asleep next to. When I was in kindergarten, my first friend was this Indian girl. When she moved because of her father's job change, it's been my lifelong desire to gain that again. I just enjoyed patrolling her while she circled with her friends. I couldn't have that experience again growing up because of Indians frowning on girlfriends for high school kids. So I thought I could embark on it in college.

Regarding these random kids and them wanting me to go out, go out and do what?

I see white kids roaming the streets of Tuckahoe, New York. I say it as an observation. Could they be roaming together to help pay for things as a group or because their homes don’t have siblings or facilities or things to do or cable? I've often thought, if I can do this life again, I wouldn't care too much about grades in high school, would focus more on SATs (as I had a 4.0 GPA at a Prep school, but because of average SAT scores from I guess not using the big vocab words with my Indian family...on that note, for the past decade plus, I've been mostly at home speaking in my parents native dialect: you forget certain words or end up sounding foreign...on another related note, by New York State standards, I aced my Regents exams and got a Regents Diploma with Advanced Distinction with Honor, but when applying to Johns Hopkins, Harvard, Columbia, SAT scores were what mattered...but that's a different topic...) And if I were to do this life again, with present tech, and I was in high school, I guess on friend would subscribe to Netflix, another to Hulu, another to HBO Max, another would have an xBox, we'd split fries and shakes at fast food places...but I''m an adult now with these things and am not reliant on others. My goal, as an adult is to amass needs and luxuries in my home. At this point, I really don't want to be bothered. I mean, as you get older, who wants to be bothered or go out unnecessarily. My dad got a deal on a projector screen from a local restaurant. It’s good quality. I have a movie theater style setting. I have food to eat, heat to be in the cold.

Why are you getting on my case to get me to roam the streets?

I’m not at the age to roam with gang like groups.

I should be married, my world should be my wife and my future kids.

I have a gym in my house, and then for this circus, I go to external or outside gyms.

This comes off as either a white demographic and/black demographic trying to help yourselves.

I hate how I'm being used by the various demographics in this for their demographics and how, above all, F* me, I'm used for a government project. The anger in me wants to say "Attend to your people with your people and stop bothering my family and me."

***

And then something else that slips from the mouth of my psychiatrist. Through his speech and content of speech, he indicates an unwise idea, from some a*s hole, to have me seen by non Indian non Desi non Indian/Pakistani doctors.

Basic college psychology talks about cultural clashes.

How retarded are the orchestrators to ignore something so elemental?

You, the orchestrators are making yourselves and your people look bad with how you run this show/situation and clearly project your experiences and perceptions of your world. You show all this through what you put me through.

From what I’m seeing on tv 'right now' midnight Jan 17 on Jimmy Fallon, a biological middle aged male, with eye popping red lipstick and a skirt, your world is clearly too exotic for me. Simply because these are new sights for my culture. Myself and my community, we're plugged into the motions of our world. To get you to understand the WTF sensation I experience from being in my situation for a decade: its like that lipstick guy coming at me and saying he's going to destroy my life for more than a decade. This has nothing to do with him. I'm trying to indicate how I dunno exotic? or out of the box Americans as a people come off, with their demands, and views, and appearances. Your world in all its modern themes really collides with my bubble with the bubble of your world and pops mine. Popping bubbles isn't always a good thing when it relates to real life themes, metaphorically.

---

(On a side note, I think there are lots of people who wish they were girls or girls who wish they were guys. By making this wish a fluid thing that you can do something about, you end up with people that look out of place, in the name of pride. How many mothers of, at least the past generation, wish they were their sons, out of males I n society having more say, especially among burka wearing Muslim communities. Does that mean that wish should come true? Is the cat walk genetic or cultural? If it's cultural, is it necessary? The Pride parade is justified...but then, on tv, you have biological males put their crotch on the railings of their parade float. That's pride?! All people deserve equal rights and the right to live freely. I know, from my experience, how important freedom is. But things that float through my mind, that I don't act on: could those with same sex feelings, if males, maybe like a masculine muscular woman/tom boys or could females with same sex feelings be looking for a male in touch with their feminine inside or less beefy in body stature? I don't know what's right or wrong in this, and I hope I won't have to decide on it for my progeny. I feel this is one more area where religion trumps over psychiatry. What happens in the mind? You have a rule or a story to compare to: Adam/Eve. The female Eve complements the male Adam from being made from part of his ribs. You become aware of that rule, you believe that rule. You accept that rule. That forms the framework of your mind, including what's possible and impossible. It's something children in kindergarten should have as a foundation, regardless of who they're meant to be. I'm guy walking between two realities, one where something is happening and one where something isn't happening. It makes my face feel like it's falling off when remembrance of that awareness comes up. Children should have some black and white rule/notions without confusing them or encouraging them to think or fantasize about a biology that isn't theirs. It gives structure and limits to thinking on what's possible/impossible, or what deserves a thought or a reverie or an extended time for pondering.

I'm as straight as a pencil. But I also have beliefs "as appropriate for my life" with no judgement on others. The orchestrators of my situation? They're playing with a person's consciousness or conscious stream along with physical attributes. So what I'm I getting at? Consciousness is like an onion, and what does Shrek say about onions? They have layers. Consciousness has layers. So going back to the consciousness awareness of males should be males and females/females and opposite genders marrying each other, that's one layer of consciousness. Another layer might be a temptation to hit on someone other than your girlfriend or your wife. Another layer of consciousness might be thought or curiosity about affection toward someone of the same gender. The idea is we probably shouldn't over focus or adhere to some of these layers, because they're just layers. With different subjects outside of who we each love or fall for, the orchestrators of my situation have pruned my consciousness. So in the example of love, the layer of the onion that tempts you to hit on someone else, disappears. The layer that tempts you to hit on someone of the same gender disappears. Two layers of the onion gone. What's left is the rule from religion that you adhere to: love between male/female.

"Consciousness pruning" might be something just figured out now, but then what does that say about those who go the extra mile to change their gender from a simple wish, or those who fall for the same gender? Again not that there is anything wrong with it. Just trying to paint the layers to our thinking and consciousness. But one things for sure: In the words of Nick Fury to Captain America after waking up from cryo sleep, its just one more thing that feeds this notion: "The world has gotten stranger." Look at my situation: you have a country, a world, acting on a conspiracy against one individual. ---

On a similar note, America is a place where you’ll go for a Covid shot, and out of apparent politeness, an American soldier administering the shot or taking your info, will ask you, a male for 35 years, whether you’ve ever been pregnant.

But yeah, everything’s about political correctness and good treatment, but again, a country where youth and government and school faculty illegally run lives - adds to theme of your world being too exotic for my simple parents and me. It's not so much we, or me, are strange. But these kids orchestrating, faculty orchestrating, doctors orchestrating, government/law enforcement orchestrating: you're the strange ones.

My brother, without this craziness, is now a specialized doctor at a Harvard/Cleveland clinic type setup. Thanks for ruining my life, orchestrators. If my family background contributed to my brothers success, you gotta wonder what’s in his life and what’s in my life? What’s the thing causing people to envy me(hate filled jealousy) and trying to screw me over, time and time again?

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lees-chaotic-brain · 9 months ago

Text

Ahhh tysm for the tag Ann! I haven't done one of these in a while!

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing

Um. It's actually quite simple.

1. Get idea

2. Tell you guys about it and promise I'll write it

3. Sudden burst of shiny new wip motivation! Write between 100 and 1000 words

4. Forget about shiny new wip for months, only remembering it when someone goes "hey, what happened to that fic you said you were going to start?"

Or alternatively,

Lose all motivation to write and blatantly lie to people by telling them I'm working on it when I haven't even clicked into the doc tab in weeks

5. Suddenly remember it/regain motivation and swear to all of you that it'll be out that day/week

6. Not finish it by when I said I would

7. Spend three consecutive sleepless nights writing it in my head as I do things I don't even need to do, not typing a single word until I reach a state of semi-consciousness and have transcended the reach of procrastination (this is also how I go about writing essays and doing important assignments)

8. Finally sit down and write it

9. Post! That is, if I don't accidentally save it to drafts instead of posting and forget about it for another month or so

That's it! If you can't already tell, I have adhd lmao

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Depends on the fic tbh. Sometimes I just go with vibes, and sometimes I'll have been working the idea out in my head for some time. But most of the time I just jump in with no idea what I'm doing and post it when I feel like it's reached it's natural ending.

What do you listen to when you are writing?

Again, depends. I have a ton of different playlists so it really just depends on what I'm feeling at the moment. If I'm writing a song fic I listen to the song on repeat, and when I'm writing I tend to lean more towards quiet indie songs but I also will write listening to the most random things so idk.

What’s your drink of choice(while writing)?

Tea. Tea tea tea tea tea. I LOVE tea. Just ask @cheesypuffkins87

Promote yourself! What’s your favorite thing you’ve written?

That's so hard, what? I have so many that I like, and I honestly can't pick a favorite. (I also hate everything I've ever written on some level but that's a completely different story)

If I HAD to pick one, it would probably be Attractive with Yuuji just because i love the crack.

But i'd say two close seconds are Quiet with Inumaki (i love me some angst) and "No. You're Not." with Megumi because reader is so me coded lmao.

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love.

Oooh probably Call You Mine with Nanami. I didn't mention it in the above question because I was going to add it here, but it's definitely in my top five, if not maybe even my top three.

If not the above one, then Can't Help Falling In Love With You with Gojo. I just really liked this fic and would love to see it get some more attention!

Do you have any advice for new writers?

Literally just what Ann said. If you get an idea, write it!! You never know what's going to happen. I posted my first silly little idea a little over a year ago, not expecting anyone to notice it only for it to get well over 500 notes on it's first day. Now I have over 500 followers. And even if that doesn't happen, that's okay because someone out there read it and enjoyed it <3

On top of that just be gentle with yourself. It's okay if you go months without writing. It's okay if your fics don't get as many notes as other people do. It's okay to take a million years to finish a request. You're only human :)

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at?

Probably using less verbs and having more variety in my sentence structure. Also smaus, because I feel like I have some ideas that would EAT, but I lack the capability.

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did?

Not really. Maybe Toji? I thought I wouldn't enjoy writing for him, but in the one fic I wrote for him (You and I) I actually had way more fun than I thought I would!

No Pressure Tags: @m-ilkiee @romantichomicide95 @crescentmoontsuki @batterygarden @pseudowho

@kimkaelyn @writingcroissant @seireiteihellbutterfly @kimkaelyn @andypantsx3

@irisintheafterglow @ponderingmoonlight + whoever wants to join!!

Writing tag game by @bonecarversbestie <3

thank you @sunshinebingo for tagging me ily pookie 🥹

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing

sleeping. like thats the first step. i sleep a lot and i love it. before i fall asleep, i obvs am in my delulu lala land thinking about either my future husband or my fics and og books. from there i think about the weirdest unrealistic plots and then i keep thinking about them so i can remember them in the morning.

and then i write after im done helping with house chores and my work. i usually post the thing as soon as its done or shcedule it lol

(or in case of my og books, i keep em there hehe)

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

pantser 😭 but recently ive been trying to become a plotter. wish me luck 🥲

What do you listen to when you are writing?

anything i can think of lol. sometimes its kpop, sometimes japanese or arabic songs. sometimes sabrina and taylor, sometimes skz and new jeans.

i usually add random songs i can think of in my playlist i listen to while doing chores, and then i continue listening to thos songs while writing.

What’s your drink of choice(while writing)?

nothing tbh. water ig? i need to go get my new stock of capri sun tho ive been dying to have my stock refilled 😞

(gonna find some way to whisper in my dads ear that i want caprisun and it will be at home lmao)

Promote yourself! What’s your favorite thing you’ve written?

cursed is something i love a lot because that plot is like. auasadh so good. also my i didnt ask for this series. its so close to my heart my god its my child. my baby 🥹

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love.

to love and cakes it took me months to write kinda but like. its a lucien fic and its 10k long lmaoo what did i expect. but its also my baby i love it heheh

Do you have any advice for new writers?

WRITE. THAT. DUMB. IDEA. YOU. THINK. NO. ONE. WILL. READ.

👏🏻WRITE👏🏻IT👏🏻

almost all of my most loved fics have been ideas i thought no one would care about enough to read. and then the morning after i posted them, id wake up to people telling me how much they loved the fic and end up with me sobbing because everyones so lovely 🥹

also. people can sometimes be mean. 👏🏻IGNORE👏🏻THEM.👏🏻 ignore them the way you ignore maths when studying.

ive seen so many new talented writers either stop writing or lash back out at these clowns, but you need to understand that replying to these people who are just trying to get a rcton out of you is not worth it. your happiness matters more. put yourself before them and ignore thei comments if it hurts you. that will prick their egos more than you arguing with them.

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at?

i kinda wanna learn how to describe rooms. that bitch truly be bitin my ass 😞uh also how t write poetically kinda

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did?

honestly, maybe lucien. i only ever thought about writing for batboys when i had begun but then i fell in love with him and i couldnt stop writing about him 🥹

tagging: @bubybubsters @separatist-apologist @assassinsblade @animezinglife @acourtofladydeath

@daycourtofficial @lucienarcheron @sapphicmsmarvel @berryzxx

@riddlesb1tch @throneofsmut @throneofsapphics @tadpolesonalgae @writingsbychlo

@fieldofdaisiies @moonlightazriel @harrystylesfan2686 @mika-no-sekai-blog

@itsphoenix0724 @lyssasdrafts @flickering-chandelier @lees-chaotic-brain

@hellcat8908 @ceoofyearning @potatoplace

#lee's brain needs help #lee's brain moots #ask game!!#chats with ann 🦊📚

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kingkatsuki · 3 years ago

Note

sigh. Thinking about wild west AU Bakugo.

He's a minor outlaw, in the sense that he hasn't technically broken any laws but trouble still always finds him (think Chris Pratt's character in The Magnificent Seven).

He's got a girl in basically every town he's gone to, leaving a trail of broken hearts cause he can't be tied down, but no matter where he goes, or how far he travels, he's always thinking about that pretty girl he left behind in his hometown years ago.

(I 1000% already have three chapters of a fit based on this written out, and I highly doubt I will ever post it, but I had to tell someone about this cause i'm a sucker for cowboy bakugo and pining)

Ahhh I’m so sure we talked about this on my blog before!! And the way he literally risks it all to come back to see you when he’s near your town. Wanted posters with his face on them plaster every single building in the town, but he won’t let it deter him because he’s desperate to feel your pretty little pussy wrapped around his cock again. Because no matter who else he’s intimate with, no one can compare to you-

So maybe he has Kirishima keep watch of the horses outside while he comes into the saloon, the bustle of the bar quietening as his boots thump against the hardwood floor as he pays no one any mind, his red eyes focused on you as you stop mid-pour of of a glass of whisky. Almost dropping the bottle as you stare at Bakugou as though you’ve seen a ghost. His hand reaching out to take the bottle from you, fingers brushing against your hand as he lifts it to his lips and takes a long swig.

“Miss me, sweetheart?”

#cowboy!bakugou

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hesitationss · 3 years ago

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if toshiro is older than hinamori like the rumours in japan are saying, this not only gives a new light to his character, but also aging in general in the soul society. i already thought this before but there is like no way in hell that people in the seretei age at the same rate that people in the human realm do, and even then there is no concrete formula.

spoilers for TYBW and long post about beach in general, a bit of hitsuhina at the end

like we know hisana died 50 years before the soul society arc, so rukia would have been abandoned at the very least 6 years before that (she and byakuya had only been married for 5 years and i’m giving them at least 1 year before marriage lol) who knows how much more time had passed between rukia's abandonment and when hisana died! she also said she was at least 10x ichigo’s age meaning 150ish.

yamamoto is ancient, and w the TYBW we are able to see flashbacks of the original 13 court guard squad captains from 1000 years ago. sometime before then, sasakibe had learned his bankai to be able to become yamamoto's right hand man. all the while, shunsui and ukitake were little kids ^_^ (despite the harshness of the recent ep, bb shunsui was cute lmao)

i also don’t remember when kenpachi found yachiru, but her childlike state had to have been like that for centuries. also yeah i know about [redacted] but it seems that aging in the souls society is dependant on age of death/birth in the soul society, spiritual pressure/growth of power, and emotional/psychological barriers. like i’m sure there are children who enter the soul society as children and stay children forever, perhaps only aging if they happen to have strong spiritual energy for becoming soul reapers.

there is also a point of interest when toshiro reaches his mature form. i forget the exact wording, but basically in order to access greater power he ages physically to an adult. at the time it really struck me that possibly, you physically mature based on your spiritual abilities. toshiro has been noted to have a zanpakto that is essentially a god, and up until sasakibe’s bankai reveal, he was thought to be the only one who could control the weather. in his current state, his bankai is incomplete. it makes me think of moments from his earlier chapters in the manga when he has those dreams of hyorinmaru calling to him and his original denial of his own power. momo has already gone to the academy and toshiro wants to remain the way he is. i am also wondering if part of his age stunting has to do with his emotional barriers? it’s a bit hard to get into all the details of this, but it seems as though he was afraid of changing (afraid of who he would become with his power; afraid of momo treating him differently; etc etc) but because your spiritual energy is literally apart of you, at some point his power became unavoidable and uncontrollable (weakening grandma!!) due to having zero training. anyway it is definitely super interesting to think about toshiros psychological/emotional barriers and how that directly relates to his physical maturity. there’s also the extra barrier about his awareness of all these things knowing that he has the potential to grow and become more powerful, but not being able to at the same time. i’m also willing to bet that once he stops holding himself back, he will probably be as strong as yamamoto! i like to think that the page we got w toshiro and momo looking up and seeing him during TYBW is her seeing him for the first time, like really seeing and understanding who he is. unfortunately i dont think toshiro likes himself when his body + powers are more developed and i think it really does have to do with how others (esp hinamori) perceive him. he already has a cold attitude and wondering if he doesn’t want to be seen as super intimidating, scary, ruthless, etc etc. i think staying young is a way of avoiding responsibility and growth, i am think of how nell became a child because she didn’t want to fight and even lost her memories. anyway, i’m hoping that post-war after at least 10 years of peace they will have grown together a bit more. it’s also very fun to imagine toshiro and momo being relatively the same as kids and her growing taller and making fun of his height. like she KNOWS this guy is older than her, and she still can’t help teasing him even when he’s the captain w a fearsome bankai lol! anyway the age thing doesn’t really change much about how i see them, i’ve been a hitsuhina 4 lifer since i first watched bleach as a kid lol it just adds such an interesting piece to the bleach universe about power, aging, and extra insight on some character development/growth!!

#bleach #hituhina #tybw spoilers #toshiro hitsugaya #hinamori momo #toshiro #momo #what do other folks think i’m just rambling atp…👉🏼👈🏼

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mrpenguinpants · 4 years ago

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Spider’s Thread [Reverse AU]

Possessive Red Xiao x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Commissioned for: @profoundwitchsalad

Art Credit: @ruoyeahs

Warning: Unhealthy relationships.

Prompt:

“You’ve ruined my life because I have a warped idea of what love is and I can’t live without you. But now you’re trying to leave me and I won’t allow that. You left me alive. You have a duty to live for me and by me. I’m not letting you go.”

---

Xiao Semi Series

[ Friendship ] [ Falling in Love ] [ Cuddles ] [ Protective ] [ Affection ] [ Jealously ] [ Opposites Attract ] [ String Of Fate (Soulmate) ] [ Fainting ]

Link to original posts: [Red! Xiao.] [Reverse AU]

[Masterlist]

Alatus was once told a story by his Master. A sinner who falls into hell is rewarded for his only good deed, choosing not to kill a spider. As his reward, a thread is lowered down for him to climb out of Hell. In the end, the sinner remains in Hell because he kicks aside others and the thread breaks. Alatus doesn't remember why his Master told him this story but he still empathizes with the sinner. He would have done the same or asked for this 'saviour' to extend their hand down instead. That way he could pull them down.

"Xiao? Are you okay?"

He slowly opens his jade eyes to see you hunch over, peering down above him, eyebrows furrowed together in concern as you reach down and softly tap his temple. He allows you to take a moment to do whatever you want with his face before he reaches up to grasp at your wrist gently, holding back on his want to rub circles into your skin. His reminiscing can wait for now.

"What is it?" he asks curtly, sitting up and resting his elbow on his raised knee. You pout at his curt tone but shrug it off as you take a seat next to him and lean your shoulder against his. You dig into your bag and pull out slips of commission papers and hand it over to him to read through what needed to be done today. A few Hilichurl camps needed to be taken care of, sabotaging a slime balloon, all tasks that seem mundane to someone who fought in a war. As he's preoccupied, you take a moment to look at Xiao's face. He's just the slightest bit unnerved whenever you do this because you always seem to know what's bothering someone.

"Were you dreaming of her again?" you ask quietly. The silence is a good enough answer but you nod understandingly. You never knew his Master personally but you did fight a long strenuous battle against her. From one look you could tell she was a manipulative and cruel woman. While it may not be very kind to say, you were glad that with her passing, Xiao would be free from her physically. But mentally...there were still some things to work out. But Xiao was a very reclusive person, especially with his emotions, so pushing him any further would only make him irritated and closed off.

"Venti and Zhongli are joining our party for a bit if that’s alright. They'll help out a lot with our commissions and travelling. I like Liyue a lot but climbing mountains stresses my shoulders out," you laugh as you change the subject to something less depressing. Standing up as you dust your clothes off before turning to Xiao and holding your hand out for him to take. He stares at it hard for a few moments before huffing and reaching over to clasp your hands together.

It has been so frustratingly peaceful since the war ended. He's not used to it and he can still feel the lick of cutting winds and the heavy pressure of rocks against his body when he sees the bard and funeral parlor consultant just on the horizon. If it were up to him, he wouldn't play nice with these two Archons but they're important to you so he bites his tongue until he tastes blood. He knows the Archons do the same. As soon as the two of them spot you both, Venti is already rushing and tackling you to the ground in his excitement.

"Traveler! I haven't seen you in ages. You need to come and visit Mondstadt more," Venti cried into your shoulder as you awkwardly patted him on his back. Always with the dramatics but you cared about Venti all the same. Xiao scoffed before flicking his jade eyes to meet gold as Zhongli stared down at him cautiously. Since the war ended, everyone seemed to have this warped idea that Alatus had some vendetta against the Gods and Celestia but he was fighting because he was told to.

"Xiao. It's good to see you again," Zhongli said to him. Xiao just nodded in acknowledgement. Even with this new mortal form, Morax never bothered to change his eyes. His gaze alone held the weight of the mountains he had thrown. If Xiao hadn’t been under one of them before, he might have crumbled under the pressure.

"Alright alright, Venti. I promise I'll drop by sometime this month but we still have commissions to do!" you laugh as you haul the bard onto his feet and swat his cape down from the speckles of dirt. He grins cheekily at you, linking pinkies with you to seal your promise, before suddenly lighting up as if he just remembered something.

"Actually! Before we start anything, I need to speak to Mr. Zhongli and Xiao. Super important archon things, you know?" Venti nodded to himself as the two mentioned people stared at him with varying levels of confusion. But Venti just waved their worries off and linked his arms with both men as he dragged them off to a more secluded corner with a surprising amount of strength, “We’ll be right back!”

"Do what you need to do but don't take too long," you called after the trio as you trailed off to the side, messing with your bag of commission papers and gear. Xiao hated that. He knows that these two Archons are your...friends.. but shouldn't you be a bit more cautious? Just because they have mortal forms doesn’t make them human, it doesn’t make him human either.

"Hey, there's no need to look so scary. There really is something important I wanted to talk to the two of you about," Venti speaks up as soon as you're out of earshot. It still gives Xiao whiplash whenever he drops the persona and switches back to Barbatos. "Since Morax is the only Archon I trust with this information and, while I don't trust you one bit, you're the one that's with her all the time you should also know. She's ascending to Celestia."

Barbatos gauges both of their reactions. Morax seems visibly surprised, his eyes slightly widened a fraction, while Xiao has no idea what that means. His Master didn’t exactly give him a history lesson on Celestia or Archons, just pointed to who was his enemy and dealt punishments when he failed.

"And what the hell does that mean?" Xiao asks as he crosses his arms. Venti appears for a second as the bard pouts before continuing.

"It's like I said. A mortal who performs great, heroic feats can ascend to Celestia and achieve godhood. Where they will watch over their people from above. I've only seen this once before so it took me a while to recognize the signs. But 1000 years ago, I helped a woman named Vennessa with her ascension and with the traveler's recent actions with winning the war. Well, you don't need me to explain the rest," Barbatos finishes. Zhongli simply hums as he cups his chin and absorbs what's just been heard. He doesn’t seem troubled by the news at all.

"Have you told her about this?" Zhongli questions as he looks towards the direction that you left. Venti shakes his head. “That would mean that she would vanish from this world."

“I know she loves this world. Whether she wishes to ascend or not isn’t my choice but I want her to continue her travels with that beloved smile on her face. But if she does choose to ascend, she will need our help," Venti stares at the two of them in a mix of pride, sadness, and determination. "Can I count on you two for your help?"

It's a complete white noise in Xiao's ears as his surroundings fade out. He thinks he can see Zhongli nod to Venti wishes, the ever calm smile on his face to match the cheery grin on Venti’s. What, now you want to become a God? Leave this world behind? That’s not funny. You made him give up everything. While in your eyes, your blinded hero syndrome, you think you've liberated him from a soulless conquest but he still has nothing. You still took everything away from him and your only compensation was to have him by your side until he left himself. But now you want to leave without a warning? That’s not fair. You don’t get to take back what you owe. He won't allow you to leave him behind.

“Did something happen? Did Venti say something unnecessary again?” you ask out of the blue. Zhongli and Venti had returned to their respective regions once your commissions were all finished. Since the three of them disappeared to talk Archon business, Xiao had seemed even more tense and aloof than usual. As if he was out of it? You knew that everyone was still suspicious of Xiao and they were angsty to leave you alone with him, but you knew Xiao would never do anything to hurt you. When he doesn't answer, you slowly reach over and you subtly nudge his head up onto your lap and look at him curiously. Before reaching down and cupping his cheek. He leans into your touch before turning his face into your palm and leaving a soft kiss. It makes you giggle at the ticklish feeling as you look at him so softly. It annoys him.

"You were never connected to the war and yet you fought against us anyways. Even when I killed so many people, why did you choose to spare me?" he asked as you blinked at him before giving it some serious thought. He went on a rampage and almost destroyed the world. It was fun. He doesn't have any regrets at all because he hated humanity. His own Master was human after all. But then you appeared and stopped him. A random outsider that wanted to play the hero. He thought it was cute. Perhaps he had underestimated the lengths someone would go to to save the world they loved but when he fell defeated at your feet. He said that this wouldn't change a single thing. He would still scorn humanity and what they did to him. He was so sure he would die there but you chose to extend your hand down to him instead despite what your companions felt. Even when the war ended and he had nowhere else to go, you offered him to travel with you. Nothing changed about his mentality, every person that chose to talk to him was quickly scared away with piercing eyes. Every conversation started would end in silence. Every touch would be met by the tip of his spear. But you would link your hands together with his and smile brightly, and he would always end up forgetting his trauma for a moment. You’ve... become precious to him.

"I love this world and everyone in it. You are a part of that world even if you tried to destroy it. It...didn't seem fair to leave you behind when you've suffered just as much," you finish but it only seemed to spark a wave of deep anger inside of Xiao. He quickly lurched up, almost knocking your forehead with his, before grabbing the scruff of your shirt collar and yanking you forward.

"Cut it out with that "love of everything" crap. It's revolting. So you're saying the people I killed weren't worth avenging? Do you think I'm so weak that I need protection? It's one thing to try and please everyone but at least have some awareness would you?" he snarled as he pushed you to the ground. He knew he was being harsh on you and you had every right to walk out and abandon him but you didn't. Of course, you wouldn't. You needed him as much as he needed you. You just reached over and tenderly reached your hand and placed it next to his. Damn it, why is he always the one stuck worrying about you.

"Then you want to protect me, right? Then don't break your promise. You left me alive which means you have a duty to live for me," he takes your hand in his and squeezes hard. Digging his nails into your own until crescents appear and tiny specks of blood appear so you know he's serious. He doesn't care how you interpret his words, just so long as you never leave him.

"Don't die on me, Hero."

It's been a few hours since the conversation so it's pitch black outside but Xiao was never one to sleep. Even if he could, his mind is too loud to fall asleep too. He's startled when you melt against him fully asleep. Honey smooth as you curl up to his warmth and cling to him like moss to a rock. He can feel his cheeks start to flush as his heart begins to pound against his chest. He can't breathe as his world is filtered through each beat that drums against his ears. He's not sure if there's actually something wrong with him or if it's just been a while since someone got so close and his instincts haven't left.

He's just realized it. He's feeling pain. The feeling in his chest is black but he can't claw it away. It's strange in a way that he can't explain it, that he's never felt before, that he's never felt the need to experience. His life had been warped by battle and a constant push to submit to his Master. They are all things he knows but the gentle words that come from your mouth, the bright eyes that hold the world, the horrible ice-hot feeling inside of him is so foreign yet too easy. He doesn't like it.

It makes him feel...clean in a way. Enlightened perhaps? His Master is long gone and it's like you said. He's free now. Free to make his own decisions and live his life how he wants to. He carefully turns over so as to not startle you away as he really looks at you. You look so peaceful in his arms, eyelids shut without worry, face slack without nightmares, breathing so softly against him. If you weren't so close to him that he couldn't feel the rise of your chest, he wonders if he would think you were dead. He stares at the lock of hair swaying back and forth with each breath like a starved man. The strange feeling doesn't stop. He hates it. It's everything that goes against him and what he knows and everything he should want. He's supposed to be the villain in your story, he should kill you right now-

"Xiao..." he hears you mumble beside him as you lean further into his arm. Damn it. How low is he going to go?

“What are you thinking about now? You just need to think about me. Don’t think about anything else...but me” Xiao sighs before he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into him until you're snug against his chest. Close to him, where he can touch you, where you belong. Not with Morax or Barbatos. Not with humans but beside him. He closes his eyes and nuzzles his head into your hair and he stares off into the distance. The feeling never leaves him for the remainder of the night.

"Ah! There you are. I was running around crazy looking for you," he turns his hair to see your flushed form pulling yourself up onto the mountain cliff, "When I woke up I couldn’t find you anywhere! You gave me a scare there."

He hates you. He hates you.

Words of his previous master ring in his ears, almost as if her very soul is wrapping around him as she whispers in his ear how weak he is. Ones with power that refuse to take what they want because they rather live in the comfort of nothing. Be greedier, take what belongs to you.

"Xiao?" you say as his piercing eyes stare directly through you. His Master always told him that she loved him. Even if he hated her he still clung to that false love. Of being wanted. Isn't love for a single person vile? Would feeling such emotions for one person instead of "everyone" bring you down to reality? It's not fair that you've crawled your way into his heart while you walk along in bliss. Now that he thinks about it. It was so simple. He just needs to monopolize your thoughts and love. This time it won't be as friends.

"I love you."

He'll pull you down to where he is. You extended your hand down to hell so it's your fault. He'll drag you down kicking and screaming if he has to. You left him alive. You have to live for him and by him. He's not letting go.

Reblogged for extra notes

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loulines · 3 years ago

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I'm gonna make this purposefully long so that no one reads it.

Unless I opt out in the middle.

I no longer know what's going on on Tumblr, who's still around and who is not. I'm so out of the loop it's embarrassing.

I know my blog gradually faded out, even though I tried my hardest, real life won and took all the time I had saved for trying to draw.

Not that it matters, I know. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm writing it, since it will be just another "I my me mine" post. As if anyone ever cared about those. But maybe it'll be better if I treat it as a journal entry, one of those I used to write when I was young and still somewhat hopeful--so pretty much just me rambling into the void, where I'll be the only person who will read it again after a while and cringe hard.

Sorry for not drawing anymore. I'm still trying, but nowadays one project is taking me weeks or even months. Which is my own fault in a way, because whenever I do have the time to draw or write I usually just spend hours on procrastinating on YouTube. Watching videos of people making their dreams come true just so that I can later complain that I failed while trying to work on mine.

At least I stopped being unemployed... Which is the reason why I lost over 50 hours weekly from my life, but at least I can buy food and pay my bills.

But I never knew sacrificing drawing for that would take such a toll on me. I thought I'd manage. I didn't. Now I'm a self-diagnosed still officially "normal" person because I'm unable to seek mental health, not that it would be easy in this shit hole of a country. But when your self esteem runs off to another galaxy and your executive dysfunction decides to have the time of its life, you're stuck with your own thoughts while still being damn sure you're never gonna get help.

Also not living in America or any other wealthy country makes it all even worse. In the span of two years since I digged out this ancient blog and became active I realized no one gives a flying fuck you're from a poorer country with a completely different culture. No, you will have to act like an American or at least like a native English speaking person, and you will always be judged as one. No one cares that you don't know shit about their problems just like they don't know (and would never care to know) about yours. I mean, okay, I get it, you have to educate yourself before speaking to others and it took a while but I got there. But once the labels stick to you, they will stay attached forever. And I aim this to both the "good" and the "bad" guys out there, some of you are full of shit no matter which side you're on.

I remember when I was in a completely different fandom like 300 years ago. I had my ship, people had theirs. Holy fuck how I hated that other ship.

Not even once did it come to my mind to go and attack people who shipped it with words I've been hearing every day since 2020, and which where slapped onto my username with the strongest glue you can find.

At the end of the day I know that none of this matters as long as I know I'm none of these things, and the people I'm closest to know that too... Too bad it still matters to other people and it will make trying to achieve your dreams 1000 times harder.

Speaking of dreams, I'm probably already repeating myself, but yeah, I've seen them all crumble one by one until the only thing I could do is watch other people achieve what I could not. By now I've lost all hope on still trying to reach my goals and the fact I haven't even reached 1000 followers on Tumblr before almost all engagement and activity disappeared from my blog is a testament to that. And yes, I did care about that stuff, what a "surprise". Congratulations to those who don't, you're better than me.

I know my biggest problem is comparing myself to successful people too much. But I mean, you're always supposed to find someone you could look up to so I had my small collection of role models. I've always wanted to be like them one day and at some point I thought I was getting there but then reality slapped me hard, and here I am, writing this pathetic post to no one in particular instead of enjoying life and achieving my dreams.

After some of my friends asked me to start doing commissions I finally got the guts to do them, only to realize it's taking me too long to finish even one and while I'm currently in the middle of my second commission, I realize most people won't be ever willing to wait this long.

I was also thinking about selling stuff but I forgot I live in a shit hole and there's no point in making people pay a crazy amount of money just to ship something outside of my country. So I gave up on that as well. Not that it will be a loss to anyone but myself. There are other more talented people who have much more interesting stuff you can get. You're probably even wondering (assuming you even bothered to read the whole thing) why I feel so entitled to complain when there are tens of thousands of people like me. Yeah, I don't know either.

Usually at this point I consider deleting the entire post because I no longer know where I'm going with this. Does it really matter though? I wrote this mostly to myself because I'm not *that* naive to hope someone will read it (except from that one person who knows I know she will read it and then she will tell me again to get my shit together). So yeah, it doesn't matter if this post doesn't make fucking sense. I'm not a professional journalist or writer anyway.

I always feel weird and self-conscious about posting stuff like this because I never know if I suddenly get a surge of motivation to draw something. And if I did, it would be awkward to post it so soon as if nothing's wrong. Maybe that's why I should just shut the hell up.

If you reached the end of this post, I'm so sorry for all the time you've wasted reading this. Take care of yourself. Until next time whoever knows when.

#sorry for not answering your asks even though I only have like 2 or 3 of them

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papers4me · 4 years ago

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Fruits Basket Manga Review, ch (92-93)

That was painful & so well-written! This analysis will focus on kyokyo mainly & faintly on her effect on kyo. Although, her story affects tohru’s life immensely, I won’t analyze tohru’s part & will wait until it’s a tohru’s chapter to use the knowledge of kyoko’s past to better read tohru’s mind & understand her decisions! Can’t wait! after all, that’s why I’ve read the manga to begin with!

-Kyoko’s Atonement: (the weight of words):

Kyoko breaks down after she learns she’s expecting. Why? cuz she hurt her mom. The notion that “yeah my parents caused me emotional trauma & so I’mma hurt them as well” is toxic & burdening as it starts a cycle of pain. Kyoko was right. She had no idea how her mom felt seeing her rebel, or follow violence or hear her harsh words. I’m not cleansing the mom from guilt nor responsibility. I’m just saying since the mom’s pov is blocked from us, assuming shes similar to the dad is wrong. kyoko’s fear of being punished with a child similar to herself is genuine, realistic & refreshing to see expressed in anime! usually character like kyoko are cool & brave, but here she’s humanly weak & doubtful. LOVE IT!

Moreover, in furuba words weigh on ppl & have consequences. We see this with kyo. His dad destroyed him verbally with words “ not my fault, it’s yours” that kyo echoes back to yuki! meaning the consequences of the dad’s words cause harm to his wife, kyo & even yuki!. Kyo was tormented with his own words for long time & clung to them even more in order not to resort to suicide! “ not my fault, it’s the rat’s” . Words can crush you down so bad if you hear them from loved ones, & worse if you utter them back to other loved ones! here kyoko learned that just the mere thought of her future child echoing her words back to her would torment her to death! Excellent writing!

-Katsuya invented Furuba’s vision (Accepting weakness & moving on):

The teachings of kyoko & tohru were really katsuya’s after all. I’m fne with that. These teachings are the core of Furuba’s vision. He tells kyoko to accept that she’s weak, afraid & doubtful. it’s okay. But gives her tools to move on. Your kid isn’t you. They’re an individual person. As parents all we can do is give love/hugs (sth kyoko’s parents didnt do), listen to them (sth yuki’s parents didnt do) & if they do sth wrong will explain it & teach them well (sth kyo’s parents didn’t do, his wrong deed was being born a cat spirit & he was hated for it with no explanation, mom gave lots of “fake” love & escaped by death, dad became a raging monster). Accepting weakness & moving on is what the cursed sohmnas needed to do to heal & what tohru taught them. Off course, tohru herself struggled to follow her own teachings & that’s amazingly realistic!

-Kyoko’s guilt (punishment brings ease):

Kyoko wanted to be punished so harsh for her husband’s death. The gossip got to her. She failed him as a life’s companion. Taking care of our loved ones is a duty we carry with much love & care. Them slipping away is perceived as us failing by none than ourselves. The thing is, death comes with no warning at times. It was his time to leave. Accepting it or not, wont bring him back, but accepting it will help kyoko deal with pain while not accepting will cause more pain for her & tohru.

One of the most painful things abt grief is that it’s personal. Life continues around you. Only you feel it. “didn’t the world end when katsuya died”. No kyoko. Only you died emotionally. Only him died physically. Kyo once said “ mom why didn’t you kill me instead”. A different reaction to grief, guilt & pain, but same conclusion: neither katsuya nor kyo’s mom are coming back no matter how much pain kyo or kyoko felt.

Kyoko found ease in emotional death, neglecting & refusing life, punishing herself for staying after him.

kyo found ease in rage & blaming others as he his father did, later he’ll escape to emotional & physical slow death “ cat cage/confinement”.

tohru... found ease in pretending "I’m okay” & her mom is alive.. but not physically.. emotionally, so she’ll ignore the truth & live only for her.

Didn’t I say grief is harsh, weird & very very personal. It’s hard to explain, deal with & heal. The mere words of consolation hurt cuz the grieving ones dont want to accept loved one are really gone. Her dad’s harsh words cemented the “emotional death” that kyoko felt. I’m not needed. neither katsuya. nor parents in general. depression. misery. sadness. emptiness.

-The tv show helped to trigger kyoko’s desire to “meet” katsuya. She has already reached the conclusion that she isnt needed. So, the tv show with their words of the deceased wanting you to be happy. triggered her into misinterpreting the words as to mean her death NOT fuel her to live in his memory as intended.

- “Loosing your way first before finding your answer” is okay & so human!:

Ironically..Tohru... was the person Kyoko was punishing NOT herself: By being emotionally dead, kyoko neglected her daughter. Her world shouldnt be just one person. There are others. Katsuya himself gave her a person to love. Tohru. Kyoko chose death & unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher thsn what kyoko faced. She was about to do, but was saved by a nameless child who reminded her of tohru. She chose wrong first but later saw her answer. Kyo chose death by accepting the confinement & he, too, unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher if he wasnt with her. He chose wrong first but later saw his answer. Off course kyo’s story is more developed & complicated as he dealt with bigger issues than just tohru & his answer wasn't just loving tohru alone but also loving himself & choosing to live for them both: himself & tohru.

-Kyo’s guilt is a concussion thought eating him alive:

Part of why kyo’s story was one of the most human & complex is due him loosing his way first, failing, repeating mistakes “ I always though that hurting ppl was the only thing I was good at, after all, isnt that why mom died?” Kyo’s nightmare being a conscious effect of hearing tohru’s talk abt “ videos & memories of loved ones” is 1000 times stronger & more human than a cliche effect of seeing a “ hat” & to revive a a blocked memory... What the hell!! truly disgusting how the emotional weigh is reduced for stupid cliche drama !!!!!! ..

Anyway, kyo actively & consciously wanted punishment .He was sure that kyoko blamed him” I wont forgive you” can only mean what it literally means. The purpose of the nightmare is to cause kyo to seek “ emotional death” like kyoko & to loose his path more. It is meant to prepare kyo to refuse tohru even more. Therefore, the pay off at the climax will be better & stronger.

Reading kyo’s inner thoughts will never not be refreshing!!! Also, the slow burn is cooked on low , hot fire , so the pay off will be the most delicious there is!

Side Notes:

I’ve stated my feelings regarding the age gap between kyoko & katsuya in last chapter’s preview post. I’m done with it & won’t let it interfere with my analysis of kyoko nor tohru.

The idea of just being together as a fun hanging out activity without being bothered much of where reminds ms so much of kyo & tohru!! we see them being happy together in the anime in kazuma’s house, shigure’s rooftop, cooking pancake in the kitchen! I really like this domestic feel of romance! it contradicts the notion of expensive restaurant with the girl wearing a breathtaking dress to woo the guy for it to be utterly romantic as we see in movies, & other stories.

NGL, katsuya looked sexy waiting home.. damn it! >_<

I cried watching tohru between her parents, how they acted & how loved she was! T_T. it reminded me of my niece How her dad’s death affected her! She was the apple of his eyes.. T_T.

Tohru is indeed a rice ball! her dad gave her a masculine name while tohru is so feminine! his reasoning is “finding salty taste in sweet things make the taste better & stronger, kinda giving it a hidden flavour”, the rice ball has a pickle inside it & it’s what makes the taste so savory & delicious!

Grandpa’s “ chance meetings could lead to variety of outcomes, good or bad” YES! kyo/tohru/yuki meeting each other by chance. Fiction make it look weird, but trust me, real life has those by dozens!

“ i wonder how lost you’ll be, how much time you’ll need to get your answer”. He will screw up so bad, kyoko! it will be so good! one of the best screw up’s I’ve seen! so painful for him & tohru & amazingly written!

Kyo’s nightmare being connected to him remembering/dreaming of kyoko’s story is bigger effect than opening the ep with it & having the cause be sth that happened last ep, a week ago... the effect is NOT the same.

Momiji is so cute!!! did his curse break here or not yet? he seemed as tall as tohru.

Writing tohru worried abt kyo after seeing him pale is the tohru I know!! Not that stupid girl who watches the guy she loves have a panic attach in se3, ep6, then goes in ep 7...” dahhhh.. Jeez.. I duno why kyo is sleeping until now.. better laugh & make cute rice cakes” giggle giggle...That scene got me so furious even when I first saw it!! THIS IS NOT TOHRU! tohru cried for a stupid story that haru told abt puppets!! she’ll forget the person she challenges herself for is sick?! ugh!

I love seeing yuki & kyo chill & cool around each other.

Kyoko being fully dependent on katsuya can be a factor in her grief, but I’ve seen cases where both partners are independent but still be completely broken after the others’ death. Grief isn’t logical at all & is extremely personal.

#Fruits Basket #fruits basket manga #ch 92 #ch 93 #sad paper #Anime Only #manga spoilers

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