#I always feel bad shit talking blender tbh

[worrysomegus]

I've finally started using 4.0 fuck this menu fuck this font I hate this

[noildoof]

Hello Ive seen that ur into a lot of like "obscure" media and was wondering what anime, cartoons and comics u were into or what u'd recommend , Im very curious , love your art!!!!!

There's a lot, tbh I'm not even sure where to start, but let's see...

Angel's Egg isn't really that obscure anymore, but at the time I first watched it and got obsessed, it was. I still consider it to be a masterpiece and my favorite movie of all time, tied with Alien.

If you're over 18, I highly recommend Malice@Doll. It's a surreal, disturbing 3D anime that moves a lot like stop-motion. It has a lot of parallels to the Biblical story of the garden of Eden, with humans in the role of an absent God and machines doing the same things they've always done because... well, that's what they were made to do. They don't have free will. There's a lot of really interesting stuff to think about - the tradeoff of innocence for knowledge, trading an immortal mechanical body that can't feel for a flesh one that can feel pleasure but also pain. Again though, this anime gets pretty disturbing, and although it's not meant to be arousing it does have sexual content. It's not appropriate for minors.

My favorite bad anime is The Humanoid. It's very campy and one of the most 80's anime I've ever seen. The characters (mostly Alan) talk a lot about coffee, for some reason. Enough that you can make a drinking game out of it. The soundtrack is actually really good, I have it on vinyl.

Go watch Chargeman Ken right now. I mean it. Each episode is only 5 minutes long, so you have no excuse not to. You'll understand why I'm recommending this anime once you've watched it, it simply has to be seen to be believed. My favorite episodes are Dynamite in the Brain and When the Cuckoo Clock Strikes 3.

A lot of people seem to hate Bounty Dog, but I will unironically defend this anime to the death. I think it's good, or at least perfectly serviceable for a 90's direct-to-video anime. It has a weird piss-yellow color palette though, and it's not a filter - those are the actual colors used in the paint, I would know having cels from this.

This is very particular to my tastes (people who know me will understand why), but I binged Brigadoon not long ago and loved it. It's a very strange series in a way that's kind of hard to describe. Fundamentally, it's about a relationship between a girl and a mecha that develops into a romance, so I guess it's shoujo. But it's also an action series. And a comedy series. And a drama series. And a horror series at times. It defies genre categorization in a way I don't see very often. The closest thing I can compare it to is The Ancient Magus's Bride, as the relationship between Marin and Melan is pretty similar. With Dr. Seuss and Evangelion thrown into a blender.

Cool World is... not a good movie. At all. But damn, are those backgrounds nice. It has a particular "look" to it that is awesome as fuck, I just wish the actual story wasn't so stupid. I implore the people who say dumb shit like "Hazbin Hotel is just "SEX! LAUGH NOW!"" to watch Cool World, because that is literally what Cool World is. It's pretty to look at, but the entire plot and all the jokes are just "Don't have sex with cartoon characters---- OHHHH he just had sex with the cartoon character." But if you can get past the painfully unfunny "comedy" and stupid nonsensical plot, it's very nice to look at and has a great soundtrack.

... that got really long-winded, damn. Here's some other recommendations:

Anime:

Weathering Continent (also an untranslated light novel series) Laughing Target (also a manga) Mermaid Forest (also a manga) Mermaid's Scar (also a manga) Curse of Kazuo Umezu (also a manga, untranslated) California Crisis Twinkle Nora Rock Me (so bad it's amazing, also an untranslated manga) Nayuta (also a manga, untranslated) King of Thorn (also a manga) Umi no Yami, Tsuki no Kage (also a manga, but not fully translated) Dragon's Heaven (also a manga, untranslated) Lily-C.A.T. Magnetic Rose (not really that obscure but it's a masterpiece) They Were 11 (also a manga, dunno if it was translated) E.Y.E.S. of Mars Iblard Time Venus Wars (also a manga)

Manga:

Eko Eko Azarak (haven't seen much of it but I like what I've seen) Any of Rumiko Takahashi's short stories Black Jack (definitely not obscure if you're an oldtaku like me) Anything by Kazuo Umezu, especially Drifting Classroom

Movies:

The Banshee Chapter Space Mutiny (watch the Mystery Science Theater version) Yellow Brick Road

Misc:

Mary (Scissor Sisters music video) Daicon IV (anime Electric Light Orchestra music video) Apollo 20 hoax videos Cybersix (Argentine animated series) Skydoll (Italian comic, adult-only) Yoko Tsuno (Belgian comic)

[minimooberry]

15 Questions for 15 (girl idk that many 😭) Mutuals

thanks @druidberries​ for tagging me!!!

Are you named after anyone?

i feel like this is the dumbest thing ever bc like technically I’m named after my mom, or at least inspired by it, but we have very different names I just have the tamil version and she has the hindi version. My name means sweet melody and hers means melody. The reason I think it’s funny is because when my parents were getting married my dad asked his old teacher to come to it and upon hearing my mom’s name the first thing he says is ‘Oh her name’s Hindi so you should name your daughter the Tamil version.’ and here I am 😭😭

When was the last time you cried?

I literally have no idea probably like two weeks ago though I always got some shit going on lmao

Do you have kids?

absolutely not I’m in high school 😭 I’m still kind of on the fence of if I want them but if I do decide to have them I want a twin boy and girl and then I’m done pjasdhad

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

life is better when you’re sarcastic

What sports do you play/have you played?

I’ve danced for like, ten-ish years but other than like, badminton (and literally who is bad at badminton) I hate doing sports mnskjdksj

What’s the first thing you notice about other people?

Appearence wise I notice their eyes first, I don’t know if it’s because I draw a lot or wtv but I love looking at people’s eyes I’ve never met anyone without beautiful eyes. Aside from that I notice if they’re like?? comfortable talking to me because I hate the feeling of someone not wanting to talk to me I’d rather just back off first aksdjlasdj

Eye colour?

It’s the most boring colour of brown like it’s not even a cool type of brown it’s just. Desaturated brown 🙄

Scary movies or happy endings?

Horror movies with happy endings 🔛🔝🤭🤭 I watched this korean horror movie and they switched the ending from good to bad in the last five minutes and I hated everything about that decision tbh I’m a hurt/comfort girly till the day i die

Any special talents?

I don’t knowwww I don’t pay attention that but I am incredibly skilled at losing everything I put down ngl

Where were you born?

Toronto!!

What are your hobbies?

the sims (obviously), drawing, writing, reading, I like knitting a normal amount, literally anything to do with biology, true crime, failing at playing horror games w/ my friends, andddd I think that’s it? I’ve been getting into blender recently tho!

Do you have any pets?

girl i WISH 😭 i’ve been asking my parents since literally before I can remember and their answer is always ‘we already have three dogs at home’ like bae it’s been over a decade pls get a new comeback 😒😒

How tall are you?

6 feet tall 🥱🥱

Fave subject in school?

i love Science when I actually understand it I’ve always been into it which is why I’m going into medicine after I graduate like women in STEM core is going so hard

Dream job?

UMMM I’ve always wanted to be in medicine(well, ever since I made the decision when I was 7) but I’ve kind of jumped in between a few paths. Like I wanted to be a midwife, then I wanted to be a neo-natal nurse (still debating this one tbh it’s mad interesting) and I also want to be an anesthesiologist bc it’s cool and they make bank but either way I have to take the same courses all the same so it’s fine

also don’t know if any of yall have done this so just ignore this if u have and spare me the shame 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️: @strangecowplant​ @crsentfairy​ @afrolotus​ @finnsim​ @sierraelil​ @simsyworld​ @shadezovgray​ @d4isy-nukes​ @buttertrait​ @izharza​ @helltrait​ @baersims @bnt0 @alt-simz @nooboosim

[normal-thoughts-official]

Bitch talk about rapharl teaching Alec how to cook a good meal for Magnus and both deciding to work together after lot of bickering because of Magnus bane love juices (u said in your last answer to ask u this so I now demand)(also coz I m Intruiged)

bitch i literally have already told u about this but also sure uwu

ok so like….. alec doesn’t get food. that’s just how it is. he grew up eating nothing but institute food and you can bet your ass there wasn’t seasoning on that shit. on like shadowhunter christmas or fucking something they put salt on the food and that was real adventurous. in shadowhunter culture, food was always seen as nothing but means to an end, Nourishment™ and nothing more. i’m surprised they even had shit like pancakes instead of just being like “for my patrol i am bringing this raw kale, yoghurt and rice smoothie. it is the best combination of nutrients for this time of day & activity” or just straight up eating like nutrient paste like those astronaut food thingies, but i suppose for that last one you would need technological development. do shadowhunters even have blenders tbh. anyway

the point is, food isn’t culturally an important thing for shadowhunters, which is all but canon considering the face magnus made at institute food (seriously, like… the trauma), and there is NO WAY alec knows how to cook. moreover, he doesn’t really get the inherent connection magnus has with culinary as a way to keep tradition alive and express one’s feelings, including love

but he does understand the basic fact that food matters for magnus. it’s funny to me because during s1, every time they talked about dates, alec suggested drinks (as he knew it was something magnus liked), but magnus always went for restaurants. the ethiopian place he knows, the place they went to in tokyo for their second date... i think drinking is more flirting for magnus, but going to a restaurant is more romance. because like not to slut all over the place yet again, but food is love

all of that to say (can u tell this is gonna be a really long answer) that alec is smart enough to eventually realize that magnus would love it if he made him some food. but does alec know where to start? no. he can’t like, tell a carrot apart from a broccoli tree and that’s just how it is. so, he goes to raphael for help, because he knows for a fact that raphael loves cooking and that magnus loves raphael’s cooking

and because alec is Like That his approach is very much like… “okay so teach me right now how to make a michelin star-worthy meal” and raphael is like… rubbing his temples, stressed out already, because goddamn 

so raphael has to sit down and explain the facts of life, i.e. that it doesn’t work like that, to him. cue dramatic speech about how cooking is an art, it’s not just about following a recipe. raphael could teach alec the steps to the most intricate dish, and it wouldn’t be worth anything if alec didn’t understand food, how it worked and how it meant. you don’t expect someone to draw the mona lisa just from knowing art theory. it takes practice, and love, and dedication, and raphael is willing to teach alec all that, but he has to understand that it will take a long time

and alec is like. what the fuck is a mownay leezah and raphael has to sigh and be like. cooking is like mastering a weapon. you have to train. and alec is like ah okay understandable 

cue cooking classes, which will 100% be written here like some “the hero is trained by their wise, old uncle on the ways of fighting” trope because like, yeah. so put on some music that matches that tone

so for the first class raphael puts some soup in front of alec and alec is like. hmmm. and raphael is like “take some and tell me how it tastes” and alec of course goes all “soup……” and raphael raises his eyebrows at him and he’s like “vegetable soup……” and raphael makes go on gestures as patiently as he can and alec is like “i think there’s……….. potato” 

so speech number 1: to be able to cook, you need to know how to eat. cooking is something that you do with all your senses. you need to be able to taste, and tell what’s missing, or if there’s too much of something, and if the texture is right, etc. you need to know what you’re looking for, you need to understand how to improvise, you need to pay attention and be in tune with it. you have to understand the ingredients. and alec is just like, nodding along and doing his best, because look. he might be a himbo with no previous experience on this and he might have no idea what raphael is talking about, but he does want to get this right, and understand this part of magnus better, too. only reason he’s not taking notes is because raphael looked at his notepad like he was going to die

alec takes to describing and understanding textures pretty well (hypersensitivity, babey!), but struggles a lot more with tastes because he doesn’t really have the apparel to describe it accurately due to lack of experience with that. which quickly makes raphael kinda.. sad. he went years without eating (he WILL find a way to be able to eat AND be still a vampire if it’s the LAST THING I DO IN THIS STUPID LIFE) but he can still tell what everything tastes like from memory. it’s not that alec can’t tell, he just… doesn’t know what to do with them because he was raised in a culture that literally didn’t care (and possibly forced him to eat Bad Texture foods and shit like that because it’s not like he has the space to complain about that, does he? and as a fellow autistic raphael can sympathize with that very, very well) 

so slowly but surely alec starts to pick up on tastes and describing and telling them apart and recognizing them when together, you know, shit like this. and sometimes he can recognize something from places magnus has taken him to before and he’s like oh, ginger! that’s what it was! magnus likes this, and his eyes are so full of love raphael has no choice but to huff like a kid because he can’t be caught thinking that it’s cute that alec loves his dad so much

(but it earns him many points in raphael’s book)

once alec graduates in Eating, they go to speech number 2: Why You Have To Vibe With The Ingredients. maia is there for that one because i said so, and anyway they need to get to taki’s to have this particular class because they grow at least some ingredients there okay let me have this (one of the things that made maia’s heart melt for raphael the most was seeing the way he was so careful and loving with the plants, like….. especially if they’ve started working together before raphael could eat food, he would just treat them with so much care and longing and put his all into making sure they grew healthy and well and it was just… heartwarming and heart wrenching in equal measures). but anyway she mostly takes to sitting on the counter, watching this unfold, and being very amused

so raphael shows alec, who promptly almost steps on a really small basil tree, leading raphael to scream NO!!! like he is dying and making maia almost double over with laughter, what they have. obviously they can’t grow enough shit to run a whole ass restaurant but they have almost all kinds of herbs and a few quick-to-grow, easy-to-take-care-of ingredients like tomatoes and squash. bonus for these ones: their fruits are also very visible! so raphael gets to show alec how they grow, what the texture is like, how much they weight, etc. obviously he doesn’t expect alec to grow his own ingredients or anything, but it is important to pick the right ones, otherwise no matter what you do, your food will suck. and seeing some examples of them growing might help you understand why and how that works

so raphael goes around to teaching him how to select the best ingredients according to type of vegetable, then meat, chicken, etc. and like not to slut over raphael but for just a second can i say that he’s just… such a patient fucking teacher, even when alec makes him want to die on the spot, and he is clearly so passionate about the subject, like he talks about it with such conviction and care and wants to make sure that alec understands exactly how it works beyond just decorating what is the correct texture for what and maia is just making heart eyes at him the whole time. she came here to be amused but seeing her boyfriend like that really makes her melt. ugh i love them

also every once in a while alec will say something Painfully Shadowhunter-y and raphael will just stare right at maia with the deadest-looking eyes you’ve ever seen in your life, and she almost spits into her own coffee at least once. sometimes she pats his shoulders all like “hang in there, bud”. but also like, he can’t fool her and she knows that he’s proud whenever alec gets it right, and he’s happy that he gets to do this for magnus, even if kind of second handedly. he knows that it will make magnus immensely happy if alec manages to make him a good meal, and like, he deserves it. plus, raphael just loves food and being able to share what he knows about it is always a joy. not that he won’t complain the whole time. but you know

okay so for next time, alec actually gets to cook for real! some good ole’ s o u p. and alec’s like “hmm. i mean i wanted to make something nice for magnus, you know?” and cue speech number 3: if you aren’t able to make a really good soup, you won’t be able to make anything else. it doesn’t matter how simple the dish is, what matters is to do it right, to make it with love, and to make it taste like home. soup is not just soup, it’s warmth, it’s love, it’s caring, it’s peace. i want you to prove to me that you can pour your whole heart into whatever you make magnus. there are no better or worse dishes, there are dishes more suited to one’s taste, or to an occasion. if magnus is upset, some nice, hot soup is going to soothe him way better than the most delicate pastry. so make me some soup, lover boy, and prove to me that no matter what it is, you can put your love for magnus and take care of him all the same

and alec is not one to back down from a challenge, so he sets his jaw and proceeds to cook like he is heading to battle, or in an episode of hannibal, or some shit. and inevitably he overthinks every single detail and it turns out weird and suboptimal, and raphael is like “i can taste your nervousness in this” and alec is like “nervousness is not a taste” and raphael is like “and yet”

speech number 4: you don’t have to think about it, you have to feel. if you’re thinking too much, you’re stuck in your own head, you’re not paying attention. food isn’t made with the mind, it is made with the senses. pay attention to the textures, tastes, sounds, colors. don’t be out there trying to think of what the most accurate combinations are, or something. just pay attention to what you’re doing

and alec’s like. “i’m too autistic for this humbo jumbo i don’t know how to cook through following my heart” and raphael, ready to smack him with a newspaper, is like “it’s not about following your heart, it’s about following your body, paying attention to what you feel. you are more likely to notice texture differences, tastes, sounds, brightness. use that” and alec’s like alright

anyway so alec makes some and it’s like, alright, not fantastic, but good. then for the third one raphael just goes “ok just think about magnus” and alec is like *vibrating* man i sure do love magnus and he’s practically secreting heart emojis through his pores and raphael is like uggghhhgghhhghghhghhhhhh g r o s s, texting maia about his woes and pain lmao. anyway you guessed it the soup turns out great cuz i’m a corny bitch. raphael is like maia. maia. the soup was so good. just because he was thinking about magnus. he’s actually worthy of my dad. uggghhhhh put a stake through my hEART and maia is just like. pat pat

okay so then they go to more technical shit like chopping techniques and temperatures and stuff like that you know the usual shit. and raphael teaches him some more recipes until he eventually decides that alec is good enough to learn something fancier to woo magnus with - idk what that would be tbh so like insert something here. and okay alec graduates cooking class woohooo

and then a few days later magnus goes visit raphael and he’s all like “so… alec cooked for me the other day” and raphael pauses and softens incredibly and is all like “did he now?” and magnus nods, clearly so happy it’s unbelievable, possibly a little in awe because he wasn’t expecting the sudden display, not when he knew that alec wasn’t exactly interested in culinary, much less for it to be so good. like obviously alec had put thought and work into this and it’s just… really nice. and he felt just so cherished and loved and i just aaaaaaaa

obviously he tries to keep the lovey-dovey shit to a minimum, if anything because raphael already teases him enough (he’s still not over “because you’re totally unbiased”), but it’s just so obvious that he’s happy and he can barely hide a smile behind his tea and whatever raphael made for him (pan dulce maybe?) and he looks almost giddy, and that’s enough for raphael to feel accomplished. and he asks what alec made for him and magnus goes “soto ayam” and raphael’s eyes widen in shock and he smiles to himself like “the bastard”, because in the end alec made magnus soup, soup from magnus’ culture, because he understood perfectly exactly what raphael meant with food being love and care, and i just aaaaaaaaaaa

and don’t get me wrong he’ll make magnus fancy dinners too eventually, with roses and wine and the whole shebang, but he specifically chose soto ayam to be the first because he just loves magnus and wanted that to show through his food before anything else and i just doadsiahdaih im a soft bitch the end

[rae0fsunsh1ne]

The Order S2E04

I’m rewatching The Order for the 4th time and basically just gonna live blog it so if you don’t want to see my blabbering posts about each episode you can block the tag #Rachel obsesses about The Order

2.04

Hamish’s parents are just hanging out in Dubai for months at a time. again, everyone is so rich

“Maybe you pissed off the landlord” “I AM THE LANDLORD”

“We paid her!” “Yeah, in underpants!

Aren’t there any other disciples to have run the incantation? Anyone higher in rank and better than Gabrielle

I LOVE Zecchia

she just dumps a bunch of random alcohol together and Hamish is like “Oh dear god no please stop!”

“DELISH. AGAIN.”

hahahahah Hamish causally leaning against the wall to block Zecchia from view when Alyssa walks in

“How could you be so stupid!?” “I don’t know maybe i’m brain damaged from the insane amount of pulvis memoriae you forced me to inhale!”

“Do you mind, we’re in the middle of a private conversation here” “Good to know.”

Alyssa used the phrase nothing burger… Jack used that phrase in season one, is that a common phrase cuz I’ve literally never heard it before

“Rogwan is coming?! You guys are so fucked.”

Alyssa and Zecchia saying “no dummy” at the same time, Awwwwkkwaaarrrdddddddd

Zecchia’s speech about fear is So. Good.

“ugghgh, I like humanity”

Vera has no time for all these peoples bullshit

This situation with Rogwan could have been the main plot for the whole season and then there would have been more opportunity for expanding the story and the characters. They really smoosh too much into one season

“Surrender now if you want to live.” *They always say that right before they kill you”

Alyssa’s biggest fear is “fear of disappointing others” WHAT. IS. HER. BACKSTORY.

Icky sticky black fear goo

Gabrielle deserved a good punch in the face tbh

Hamish is so tender, dabbing Vera’s head with a lil cloth

Fearless Alyssa is just obnoxious and annoying

“So, what’s all this talk about wolves?” “Yeah I am so confused.” “Neither of you should ever play poker”

“I am seriously considering killing both of you right now.” “Trust me, the feeling’s mutual” “He’s exaggerating.” “Not at all.”

“Fortunately for you i’m a little more concerned with preventing the end of the world” “Fortunately for you i’m…. that… yeah that we can agree on”

Rogwan just tosses Hamish like a rag doll

Jack hijacked another car I guess

and he’s wearing a maintenance jumpsuit??

Chad thinks Jack wants to take his cheer squad spot lol

Fearless werewolf boys just become happy dopey confident bb’s

“Better than therapy”

“Wait! I know what we should do. Jump off a bridge!” “Get out of my head!”

I HATE THE BLENDER THING I HATE IT SO MUCH

Alyssa’s family has a ‘Thanksgiving charity event’ and she thinks of it as ‘Vanityfair photo op bullshit’ for Gods sake, give this girl some proper backstory. ELABORATE.

“It’s like a game of Fuck, Marry, Kill and you’re all three.” That is an amazing line

“Jennica? Fuck you.”

PLeAse please give us more Alyssa and Lilith content, flashbacks, catch up chats, anything!

“I really hate your jean jacket. And your hair sucks.”

I love this Lilith/Jack moment

Their friendship has really grown

“I love you too” “I know” “You did not just Han Solo me!”

Vera willing to sacrifice herself for the Greater Good because Vera is the actual best

“i would have been a great Grand Magus” uhhh no Alyssa, you have some serious personal growth to go through before you would make a great anything because you get roped into literally anything

Lilith is wearing the same chainmail as she wore before, see!

“Hamish is a chicken shit again!”

“Actually Hell is a Judeo-Christian propaganda designed for deterrence” throwback! but a sad one…

The pain on Randalls face and in his voice when he talks about Lilith, ahhh breaks my heart

And then putting his head on Hamish’s shoulder, sweet boi’s

“Was it really so bad having all of the pain of your past just gone?” i mean… that sounds pretty appealing let’s be real

“You can read Enochian?”

[modestmuses-a]

tagged by: @herotting

tagging: @the-twilight-aspect, @insidersknowledge, @exemplarum, @seishin-hinan, @apodnimat-sya​, @chartyourownxourse, and anyone else who wants to! If you do decide to do it, you can go ahead and tag me! I love seeing people’s music inspirations and stuff!

Whether it be melodies that give you inspiration for your muse or songs that get you into the writing mood—pick 10 songs you find to give you the urge, the drive, or the creativity to write for your muse—then tag your favourite peeps to get an insight on their musical inspirational feels.

And, because I’m a bit of an idiot and a fool overachiever, I’m gonna do... all of them.

Lupe, you absolutely don’t have to do this with all your muses as well, ‘cause I know you have A LOT. I only have six, so I figured it was a little bit more reasonable for me to do all of mine, haha!

Read more for length

A K A L I

making up words / bug hunter / my music wouldn’t fit inside a status or a hashtag

starlight / the supermen lovers / can you give me the fame? can you hurl me the game?

thunder / imagine dragons / now i’m smiling from the stage while you’re clapping in the nosebleeds

clint eastwood / gorillaz / rhythm, you have it or you don’t, that’s a fallacy

good for you / dear evan hansen cast / it would kill you to have to stay trapped when you’ve got something new

cool patrol / ninja sex party / you’re sendin’ all them shits a message, there’s a new king in class (i’m sorry)

she’s kinda hot / 5 seconds of summer / oh my, that’s a big plan you’ve got there

even on a rainy day / rizzle kicks / turning words into pictures like i was flippin’ hieroglyphics

destroyer / saint motel / i don’t break hearts, i destroy them!

hijack / mc chris / i’m a sound wave tsunami, vocal origami

A M U M U

lonely dance / set it off / i don’t need you to understand

inside out / eve 6 / wanna put my tender heart in a blender

broken / lovelytheband / i like that you’re lonely, lonely like me, i could be lonely with you

stolen dance / milky chance / the only thing i feel is pain caused by absence of you

the churchyard / voltaire / he turns and screams at the sky and it burns like the truth in my ear

riot / hollywood undead / tear shit up, fuck peace and quiet! (i don’t even have a good explanation for this one tbh)

don’t worry, you will / lovelytheband / trying to stay positive, not an easy way to live

ghosting / mother mother / this is why i’ve decided to leave your house and home unhaunted

you say / lauren daigle / the only thing that matters now is everything you think of me

sonny boy / al jolson / friends may forsake me, let them all forsake me

B R I T  C R U S T

popular / the veronicas / i get what i want, my name is my credit card

supermarket / bart & baker (ft. dimie cat & hailey tuck) / i bought my latest boyfriend down at the supermarket

black queen style / mechanical moth / i’m infected with the bitch disease

dressed to kill / sharon needles / this isn’t a fucking costume, this is a way of life

superstar / toy-box / i am a superstar and i don’t care who you are

money / poppy / i used to think i was wrong for wanting diamonds and pearls

vanity / mindless self indulgence / hate me ‘cause i’m beautiful!

problem / unicorns killed my girlfriend / you’re not the type of girl that’ll end up on my friends list

gucci gucci / kreayshawn / you can kiss the ring, but you can never touch the crown

pink wednesday / canadian softball / our love is completely unconditional, as long as we like the things you say

C I N D Y  S L A M

lights out / mindless self indulgence / all this violence makes a statement!

stand alone / chris lake (ft. lazy rich & jareth johnson) / i’m the rebel type to never do what i’m s’pose ta

one woman army / porcelain black / if you wanna rumble, all you gotta do is ask

can’t pin me down / marina & the diamonds / do you think i’m stuck up ‘cause i’m always pickin’ fights?

problem / nova rockfeller / late night arguments, so mad i’m throwin’ tables

you call me a bitch like it’s a bad thing / halestrom / can’t get your way so you’re so pissed off!

criminal / five knives / got the kiss of death, yeah, this is ride or die now

die motherfucker die / get set go / get out of my way or you will pay and you’ll pay with your life

you’re on fire / they might be giants / you must’ve got one of them combustible heads

lump your head / hollywood undead / my name ain’t dick, so keep it out of your mouth!

C Y B O R G  N O O D L E

bang bang bang bang / sohodolls / sunlight falls onto his eyes but he don’t stir or turn

activate my heart / natalia kills / hold me close while i push restart so i can love you right

afraid / the neighbourhood / i’m afraid somebody else might end up being me

girl got a gun / tokio hotel / boy better run, boy better run, bang, bang!

volatile times / iamx / adieu to the fuckers that think that it’s funny

sad machine / porter robinson / she’ll go on and never speak of this again

malfunction / steam powered giraffe / pull out the wires and trim the fluff

irobot / jon bellion / before you killed me and ripped my heart out, i knew what love was

she wants me dead / cazzette & aronchupa / woke up this morning with a gun to my head

goodbye to a world / porter robinson / though it’s the end of the world, don’t blame yourself now

E K K O

man alive! / billy talent / if history don’t lie, they’re gonna take you for a ride until you die

holiday / green day / another protester has crossed the line to find the money’s on the other side

fast talk / houses / what if death is just another pair of handcuffs?

don’t stay in school / boyinaband / now i can tell you if the number of unnecessary deaths caused by that choice was prime

viking death march / billy talent / make no mistake, they’re shaking your hand while they spit in your face

breaking the model / new medicine / this is a coup d'état, you're gonna get it

the ballad of barry allen / jim’s big ego / you say the time goes rushing by, it seems so slow to me

rich kids / new medicine / ain’t got shit, but i got this far

burn it / fever 333 / got us pledging our allegiance to a hand that doesn’t feed us

stakes and torches / voltaire / anything at hand, anything that can help us to remove the head

[luridglow]

I was tagged by: @jakegyllinhaal

Zodiac: Sagittarius

Height: 5’11

Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first 4 songs.

Grab the nearest book and turn to page 23 what does line 17 say: “I had long been on my own by then, of course, and had been living in an apartment in the east sixties.” Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin

Ever had a song or poem written about you?: No but I’ve had songs dedicated to me which is just as cute!

When’s the last time you played air guitar?: Don’t remember

What is a sound you hate and one you love?: The sound of rain falling really relaxes me and the sound of a blender going off triggers me I always feel like something bad is about to pop awf when I use it lmaooo.

Do you believe in ghosts?: Absolutely I’ve had a few experiences with some.

Do you believe in aliens?: Yes I believe in a lot of ish tbh.

Do you drive? And if so have you ever gotten yourself into an accident?: I know how to drive my sister taught me. The binch made me get on the feeeway, I drove pretty far, and did great. I’m just too lazy to read the drivers book and do all the testing (even tho I legit live down the street from the DMV) so... Uber/train it is!

Do you like the smell of gasoline? No.. Ew wtf that’s some crackhead shit.

What’s the last movie you’ve seen?: Alita: Battle Angel and it was ok tbh I still don’t know how I fully feel about it but the action scenes are amazing!

Do you have an obsession right now? No tbh

In a relationship?: No and I’m not looking for anything rn either tbh all I really need is dick consistent dick like a friend with benefits.

I would like to know better: @jakegyllinhaal @shadygay (even tho we talk all the time I just wanna tag your rat ass so you do this) and any mutual/non mutual who wants to do this. Also don’t be afraid to message me to talk about anything anytime I would really like to get to know you all more! ✨

[thelustinlimbo]

Okayyy so this is my review of my favorite morphe brushes I just got and tried! Tbh I really wasn’t sure what to expect with morphe, I looked through countless reviews and videos, looked up pictures and negative rants. So I was kinda expecting the worst but hoping for the best? I picked out a bunch of brushes that were reviewed countless times through youtubers, and then some that just caught my eye and felt like I needed to try them out. I was super worried that the negative reviews were right and I just wasted a bunch of money on a bunch of garbage, I’m always skeptical with “YouTube” brands because of past bad experiences. So for a while I just put myself in the mindset of “if I don’t see and try it in a store or in person I don’t want to waste money on it”. I’ve kinda been bored with makeup and not into for the past year or so, like it became not fun for me and I just stopped buying and trying new products as much as I had before bc what was the point? I just restocked what I needed, mainly bought skin care, and sometimes tried new things but they didn’t excite me. I missed the joy makeup gave me before so I felt like I needed to “redo” my collection to hopefully fall back in love with my favorite hobby, the brushes I had were all old and idk I just felt like my makeup was blah bc of it, so I finally decided to give morphe a try since they have a huge selection of inexpensive raved about brushes!! I’m honestly SO surprised with the quality!!! I thought out of the almost 60 brushes that I purchased I would really like and use maybe 10 tops, I thought I would be disappointed in a bunch of them and just use the ones I really like, but oh my god!! I swear I haven’t been this excited about a purchase in soooo long! Every brush I bought had a purpose I can think of and use for, even the ones that I initially was like eh or what the hell can I use this for?? Ended up my favorites!! (Mainly eye and brow brushes which I will show in the review) the brushes are all super soft and just great quality over all, idk if they just improved over the years or people were just being negative but I don’t know why anyone would trash talk these inexpensive high quality brushes.. Anywayssss.. So here is a round up of my favorites so far!!

E43 - is just basically a smaller E3 but today I used it for my cleaning up my under eye setting powder and then I grabbed it again to apply my highlighter very soft, and just feels like a high end brush.

E3 - I used it for a slight contour, I don’t like harsh contours on cheeks but this picked up the product just enough and the shape of it reallyyyyy just added the right amount of product in the right places!

E4 - a simple blush brush, but it’s so soft and picked up a small amount of product and applied the blush flawlessly to my face so it got a rank in fave face brushes so far!

E8 - I looooove small chubby round brushes, they are perfect for creating an “airbrush effect” in larger pore areas, I don’t really have large pores but when I use brushes like this to blend out foundation and powder around my nose/cheek area it creates just a smooth flawless finish and I have been needing a replacement for a Sephora brush I had for years that started losing its density and amazingness. This is a great cheaper alternative that is just as good!!

E41 - I have never applied my bronzer to my face so perfectly and quickly as I did with this brush, it picked up just the right amount of bronzer without creating the orange face look, applied it without scratching my face or leaving behind a bunch of fall out like a sorta similar sigma brush I have does!! Looove it!!!

M439 - I feel like every youtuber/reviewer/Mua and their mother has this brush and raved about it so I had to pick it up and try it out for myself. It really does live up to its expectations!! It gives a super full coverage even with a medium/light coverage foundation, I don’t always like to have fullllll coverage but when I do this brush will do the job! It does kinda suck up a lot of product, but not as bad as some other similar brushes I have. It’s super soft and you will have a even full coverage on in like 10 seconds with this brush.

M528 - I think I applied my Laura mercier secret brightening powder with this one, I can’t remember what I did with this brush but I threw it into my love pile and it doesn’t have any colored product on it so I think I just applied the powder with it. It’s super soft and can my used as a highlighter, or setting brush! E - 18 if you have smaller almond shaped eyes like me YOU NEED THIS BRUSH and also the M501, and E36 but I’ll get into those in a bit, the E18 is absolutely perfect for applying a crease color into small spaces, it picks up as little or as much product as you need and is just a must have brush.

M250-0 - OHHHH myyyyy godddd!!! The eyeliner brush I have been searching for but never found, I always came close but it was either to thick, had stray little hairs, was too long, or too stiff, something was always slightly justttt off with other liner brushes. They were good, they did the job, but they didn’t make it as easy as this one did!!! I haven’t had this even winged liner in like two years I swear lmao. I always have one eye perfect and the other one is it’s less perfect twin, or they both just looked like shit and I eventually came to except the fact that a super amazing winged eyeliner was just not gonna be in my life, untillllll this beauty came in the mail today😭 it’s. Just. Perfect. I completed a winged simple cat eye that was as even as humanly possible for me in the shortest amount of time it ever took me to do it, idk if I was just running on adrenaline from finding a perfect liner brush or bc my eyeliner looked amaze on the one eye I did first lol.

M213 - You also need this in your life, trust me. If you are sloppy in your eye makeup technique or just want something to really tightly apply shadow to your lower lash line effortlessly, then you need this brush. Don’t even doubt it just buy it. Also for some reason it looks really big in the picture above but it’s a super tiny little smudger with soft bristles but it isn’t flimsy. Just try it, you will see.

M575 - when I first saw this brush I felt indifferent about it, it kinda looked too long to be a good blending brush, I usually liked “fluffier” blending brushes and this one looked to long and slender, but wow.. for my eye shape it was the perfect “precision” blender! You know how with fluffy blending brushes shadow tends to kinda go all over your eye? And if you have smaller eyes like me it starts looking sloppy really quick, but this really helped blend and diffuse color ONLY where I wanted it! Surprisingly amazing!

M501 - okay… This brush is the brush out of alllll the brushes I kinda took one look at and was like?? “What the hell am I going to use this for?? Maybe highlight?? Idk?” It’s really oddly shaped, tapered, slim, slender, weird… Looks like a useless little highlight brush if your really particular about where you want to place high light or if you’re gonna be doing an infants highlight lol. For some reason I grabbed this weird little brush and started using it as an eye blender and was SHOCKED it’s like this brush was made for my eyes, it diffused my crease color so perfectly, the tapered part went into my crease and just idk, it was magical. I blended carelessly throughout my eye and it just created the perfect eye look!! The problem I always have with blending my shadow is that I get a dark color too far into my inner eye, creating like a Natalie Portman from the swan lake ballerina movie effect if that makes sense, I hate the way that looks on me and this brush just effortlessly blended without dragging color into my inner eye corner. I feel like I have a difficult eye shape and I hate doing shadow bc of it. But not anymore 😍 M432 - this is a basic flat square brush, it's great for the waterline but I used it to shape up my brows and it did a great job! It's the perfect density and size to sculpt brows without adding a crazy amount of product to the area, it's a must have in a makeup collection especially if brows are your least favorite makeup application like mine, my brows annoy me and a good brow day for me is rare because I have a giant scar through one which always makes the shape of it different then the other one. But today I'm having an amazing brow day and it took me half the time it normally would to do my brows with my new brushes :D M224 - another staple!! I had a Mac one that I used for years but it was starting to look raggedy, I use these brushes on days I have a blemish I need to cover and apply a bit more product, to sometimes apply foundation to my face before going in with a beauty blender, to shape brows, to apply a concealer from a pot to my under eye. I use these types of brushes as like product picker uppers and packers, it's like a forgotten brush that is very useful but not as talked about by me because it's boring but very much needed in a makeup lovers collection! This one has synthetic bristles and is overall really well made, I was expecting this one to be a super cheapie garbage brush, but it's up to par with my Mac one when it was in its prime days lol. M160-1/16 - another brush I saw and was like this kinda looks terrible.. The bristles seemed to long and soft to use for brows, but I tried it today and it's wonderful for creating a softer brow look!!! Like wow, it picks up a little bit of product so if you're heavy handed with brows like me it's a MUSTTTTT it applied my favorite brow powder to my brows and I swear it made my powder work and look better then ever, I used it in the front part of my brows and it's just gonna be an everyday staple for brows. M413 - I feel like I judged all the brow brushes to harshly when I first opened my package, I thought these were gonna be the crappy brushes of my entire order which was fine with me because they were the cheapest so not too much lost I thought. This brushes bristles are FIRM like super firm.. And kinda long. Immediately I thought that it was gonna scratch my skin and pick up way too much product.. I tried it gently, and applied my powder to my scar and wow this brush is def a favorite, I just have to be light handed when applying! But it picked up product and applied it right where you put it, I then brushed and diffused the color with the spoolie. My brows look so refined but natural in combination with the M160-1/16 brush, I used the M413 towards the ends and middle. I think this brush is also great for people who like bolder brows bc of how easy it is to shape and apply product with it. Andddd lastly, for not at least! G20 - this brush is great for packing on shadow! It works great for my eye shape. I mean there's not much to really say about it other then it does its job! I also like the gunmetal color, I got a few brushes from gunmetal collection but haven't tried them out yet. The bristles are soft, the shape is perfect, the size is great. It can also be used as a concealer brush for blemishes. Overall I'm super happy with my order and I think it's money well spent!! Sorry about the longgg post but I tried to sum up my favorites so far as best as I can. I haven't washed these brushes yet so I don't know how they shed or how they are after washing but I'll keep all you updated!:)

[aitian]

8/23/20 3:02am, sunday

think i have been going abt the way i talk & interact w ppl wrong. feels shitty that as an adult i am still so repressed. a lot has to be unspoken bc maybe i dont have words that other ppl want to hear. & otherwise i had always been scared to say what i mean. thinking today abt what it might be like to be honest w ghosts. maybe they would materialize but i wont try.

we would go to stone valley. him & i. somehow its hard to admit thats who has lived in my head for so long. i really don’t much remember what he looks like, only photos. or that feeling of being so enchanted. the heartbreak, numb, is still familiar. i think its on my mind bc i reread ganbare nakamura kun yesterday & the furious rewriting of truth inside the head (is it just me? they couldn’t.. wouldn’t... would they?) made me feel so sad. i was thinking when he feels rejected on the school trip, when hirose seems to enjoy the company of everyone else, nakamura goes to the aquarium alone anyway to see the cute octo. & he has this happy face. & he finds tako & its so cute & he becomes so frustrated, upset. of course things would end up this way. & thats where my story ended. but hirose appears, paid the entrance fee & tells nakamura he is funny & charming, & reveals an intimate moment of i would rather be with u. 

the wind would blow across the water. my hair would be pulled up into a messy bun, or maybe i would just clip back the sides. i might pick him up, but i would have to practice the route. he would say, woah... you’ve changed. i might say... im not sure. is that okay? & there’s no way to say no. so we would end up by the reservoir, & i might ask why he agreed to meet me, or he might ask why i wanted to see him. i might tell him how i felt that year. how i was so upset to watch him graduate. i guess i think he would be uncomfortable around me. & i might tell him i dont have any expectations. i just wanted to see him again.

writing & rewriting endings (continuations) is a strange strategy i don’t know how to feel about. i thought deeply about it first reading eve ewing’s poetry guided by hui ying. i guess most happy stories feel like rewritings already. like there’s what an author who lives a lovelier life would expect to happen to them. but for me it wouldn’t happen that way. & that’s why i find it difficult to rewrite my own stories- because they wouldn’t happen that way. & i want them to be anything but real so bad. the real story is much more mundane & painful. so to rewrite my stories into mythology or whatever else carries a lot of weight. like, of course representations are easily imagined to be perfect, full of vigor & triumph & diversity & heroes & villains & lessons but it doesn’t make sense to me to deform my past into smth worth ingesting. its yucky to share the dirty & ugly feelings i have had as well as a sanitized retelling. maybe i just want to tell a story full of monsters.

ive started drawing a little but even that imagining of a representation is icky to me. i guess thats why i think i can only draw myself- bc im not a representation. that my image can literally be a version of me flattened onto a page. & thats different from designing characters to fit an ideal image for a story. i guess i am very unideal for my tragedy lmao. i will draw tmrw.

some updates abt the summer: - hate texting/msging ppl. did it rarely but somehow felt like a lot - sad that i don’t know what ppls lives are like who i care abt & that is a shameful contradition bc clearly i dont care if i dont know & dont want to ask but i dont want to ask bc that already embodies the contradiction of not knowing but wishing i knew - rly lonely sometimes. like now writing abt him & regretting how i have gotten to this point in my now 20′s without building the beginnings of any future that has love in it, friends, partners, comrades, children, guardians, mentors - looking forward to umibe no etranger movie i guess. tbh i rly dont like the manga characters but the art is cute i guess & voice acting from the trailer is pretty precious. been reading a lot of bl these few days & i think it is the most interesting part of my life. cis women can write these dramatic narratives abt what is feels like to be a queer boy in love. it is so easy & pleasurable to abuse imagined beings. i have to write vestigial bodies this year.  - alice is home this weekend. we celebrated dads burthday today. i think 56. mom and dad both say they are not old, & alice was quick to agree. i think it is convenient for her to not have to see them every day & think abt their futures. alice made drinks & i made spocy ramen around midnight & i think this is the type of carefree activity i miss indulging in w friends, ppl who i want to eat well & be happy & see their beautiful faces & talk abt everything w. friends is such a bad, generic word. - school starts in two weeks i think - idk what else. had a period of rly enjoying the sunrise & running outside, but i am back in the slump. its so difficult to wake up when i dont know why i would want to do that shit. lol. its always not so difficult anymore once i am awake but i realized i am so upset when i am tired, & im just used to living with those feelings until i pass out. i dont need more than 8 hrs a day to feel happy but its difficult to stop the slump from making its nest - pastimes r watching one piece (im on episode 500+ & i cannot multitask when reading subs), reading bl, playing botw, playing w myself, & eating i guess. i also read sula in one day bc i wanted to prove to myself that i still knew how. obsessive. comforts & pleasures > coping. our brains r wired so weak by scarcity relations. & also idk... adhd & ocd tendencies + anxious obsessive & depressive obsessive.

goals for the end of this year i think: - 80 pgs of lianhuanhua type graphic novel - vestigial bodies essay on virtual pleasure & bodily rejection (pain, deterioration, abuse, freakishness) - maybe centered on some media? not sure yet.. thinking abt video games & comics as virtual life where representations replace bodily function, distance pleasurable simulated outcomes w the body that produces unpleasurable irl outcomes - visual novel in febuilder if i figure out what i want to do with gameplay. - learn blender. maybe construct one scene

[survivor-guyana]

Episode 4: "I'm pan with a plan, and I'm here to make messy ass moves." - Maynor

So... Dog food is salty as fuck. No wonder my dog downs the whole bowl of water after he's done eating... What the hell dog food makers

SO THIS WHOLE dare challenge this has got me GOING right now. The whole impersonations and "Who will Win?" videos are going to be BIG indicators of who is close to from my tribe. BUT DEVON.... TOOK IT TO A WHOLE NOTHER' LEVEL. A NORMAL person would do a silly one y'know? Does this guy NOT do Sarah (someone I know he's close with) and state all these things he obviously knows about her. She goes to Michigan state, has a finsta, likes to make friends in games... etc. THEN THE PICK TO WIN VIDEO.... AGAIN A NORMAL PERSON WOULD DO SOMETHING SILLY. For example: I did JD and went on about how she is CANADIAN. DEVON GOES AND DOES: Jose and how he could be tricking us... and it's actually his strategy. I can not with this being anymore. BUT tbh I'm just GLAD he's making himself a bigger target than me in case we lose. ALSO: Chelsea showing that she knows stuff about Alyssa... ummmm NO. I'm scurrrred. As say they say in French I am "le fucked" here. TBH i'm NOT lying when I say I wasn't close to my old tribe. I literally was only close to Aidan but aside from that no one else. There was an alliance of Sarah/Aidan/Devon inside of the alliance of Dani/Maynor/Sarah/Aidan/Devon/ myself. It is driving me BONKERS that Devon (the one person I NEED on my tribe right now) is unintentionally and potentially fucking his game with his videos. This was avoidable imo. Johnny didn't say "you MUST put a target on your back"... THIS IS THE GUY I NEED TO STAY WITH ME. ALSO if I ever find out Alyssa is playing me I might cry. She's literally my bitch. She's awesome. I NEVER GET ALONG WITH GIRLS IN GAMES. EVER. I just know Sammy/Chelsea are close. I could see Alyssa being close to them too so I'm just trying to make myself as relevant as possible with Alyssa because if I don't she won't feel bad sending me out. If she has doubts about it I CAN WORK WITH THAT. Sammy is totally the glue between the faves on my tribe IMO. I just know I need to somehow get closer to Sammy. I just don't know HOW! Chelsea seems super quiet and it's hard to really get a read on her. I just hope we never have to lose because I will actually cry if José pops up with an idol and my ass gets sent packing.

So me and Jones have gotten closer and closer!!! So has me Jones and Nick as an alliance. The challenge went pretty ok but we eventually lost in the end. There's a joint tribal happening right now so we're all a little shook. The Green team is thinking of a way to stay safe through it all. The other tribe seems like it has some pretty nice peeps on it honestly lol. I watched their intro videos and Danielle's stands out the most. (I think she's the pizza one lol). The Green Team was originally going to try and get Jenna to flip back with us but we're not sure if she even values us so now we're going to try and flip with the fans and somehow vote Jenna out.

First of, can i say that i missed jones and tim. 😭❤️ Like im so happy i finally got to talk to them. I missed my DAD Jones. We have a duo alliance going on. I brought it up right when the joint chat was made. Its going to be great. As for the vote tonight. We are going to target Nick. And hope that Jenna stays with us.

HNNNNN Jenna isn't going to flip on the fans to my knowledge which really fucks over a lot of things. Now I'm not sure if I'm gonna be targeted or Jones or Nick. TJ and JD can go home and I'll be fine but I'd hate to get out right now. In my head I'm like UGH JENNA JUST FLIP BACK TO FAVS you'll be in a good spot and won't jeopardize anything!!! And you'll almost surely guarantee Jury!!!! But on the outside Im like.. omg ya fans vs favs is over the swap did that snatched wig tea okurrt PEriod. I just wanted a simple tribal but now I'm losing my shit. If I go after Nikias I will JUMP.

Honestly my allies bore me. I guess I trust them but I don't know... this other tribe seems to suck too. I just want a favorite to leave at this point because the fans are getting slaughtered. But Thomas is an interesting situation. We definitely have a past and he's the biggest threat but the devil you know is better than the devil you don't? But I know he'll pick Jess over me any day of the week I've been a little quieter so I predict people might have doubts but I'm loyal to my alliance for now. I'm just trying to lay low and make it to the merge before I can really be a crazy cunt. Nick is apparently the vote and I'm sad because he's also a minority? But not too sad because idk him.

updates: Maynor, Mitchell, Tim and I make an alliance maybe possibly? also,, we're probs gonna surrender to the fans lmao sorry JD :(

I think nicks going home but I’m kinda nervous. Jenna’s sticking with us fans apparently. Jonesy wants jenna out that’s all the tea I have

I was prepared to flip when they brought up Jones’ name. Like nah. I would lay down my game for Jones aka Dad. For this vote cuz i think theres a swap coming after this vote. Hopefully. It looks like its Nick tonight which i am fine with.

(i don't have the time/energy to film a video confessional) THEY'RE REALLY GOING FOR ME HUH MITCHELL THAT FUCKING RAT threw my name out to the rest of the fans because I suggested Jenna, and now they wanna vote me out (the only reason why I know is bc my king maynor told me) Maynor said he'd try to switch the vote, but right now, it's on me, and that's NOT OKAY HAHAHA. if it stays on me, then he's gonna flip. it's so INTERESTING how all I do is suggest someone who's a CLEAR MINORITY ON THE OTHER TRIBE to be voted out!! and then SUDDENLY some fake vague ass people wanna cherish her???? like suddenly she's the token person on the tribe??? that's fake as fuck and they know that. ok while i'm writing this,,, apparently the vote went off me. but it's also all up to JENNA like ARE YOU KIDDING. like,, y'all are a group of 5 people, you can come up with a decision on your own and she can go with it. like she's really chill, I like her I think she's cool, but she shouldn't be getting this treatment from a tribe that had her on the bottom before. i'm at a point where i'm just trying to get Maynor to flip to our side, because h's just as frustrated about this situation as I am. and I don't really want Nick to will me/tim his idol if we can get him to flip. ,,, so yeah *does fake ass stick out tongue thing*

This vote is a MESS. At one point it was Jones and then its JD and now its TJ and now I want to JUMP from a cliff. Also Nick is two faced. Apparently he had an idol hunt group composed of Alyssa, JD, Whats her face, and Himself. He probably used MY idol clue and I want to fite him.

Hi I’ve been very tired owo so I come out of nowhere and honestly I’m like, this is cute owo so now I’m just going to come out of nowhere when we swap, and honestly that’s cute :,)

so according to Maynor it's between Jenna and Nick, i'm still trying to work my magic on Maynor, and I think it's working. hopefully a swap is coming sometime soon though so i can kick Mitchell's ass laksdjflsdkj

I can't imagine being in a better position in this game. Think about it:

1. I got almost everyone's trust from the fans tribe. 2. I got swapfucked alongside Jess, who I barely spoke to prior. 3. I got connected with Jess and solidified a relationship. 4. I made connections with Sammy, Alyssa, Chelsea, and Jose. 5. We haven't lost a single competition, and now the other 2 tribes will be pitted against one another. Whoever votes in the minority will be forced to come to Jess and I, so in essence, we hold every ounce of power. Best case scenario: We get swapped into a tribe with current Hosororo and old fans, giving me the ability to pick and choose who stays and who goes. Worst case scenario: We get swapfucked and I need to make new relationships with alternative favorites. I would also be more than fine staying in the same tribe, considering there is a clear gap between our tribe and the other 2.

Our tribe really thought Jenna was the swing vote. Bish it was actually me. Im pan with a plan and im here to make messy as moves. Jones aka DAD. ❤️ I think im going to flip and do Jenna. While my fans + jenna are doing Nick. Im really hoping there is a swap cuz if there isnt im screwed. But its a move and me and Jonesy are going to be the villians of the season. But at the end of the day. A favorite is still going home.

Me and Jones went on call for an hour and talked about the vote. We're sticking with voting Jenna out. Jonesy worked her magic on Maynor and is getting him to flip. Also Mitchell is a bad bean akdjdjs. Anyways ... Me and My wig have decided to vote ... for Jenna Nick wanted me to play the idol on him since he's getting votes this round and Maynor may not flio but HNNNNN i dont want that target on me just as of now. It'd be too risky and since he made an idol hunt group without me on our OG tribe... I considered letting him will me the idol and then him getting voted out ajsjsksks.

Well, there's no way of getting this to work unless Jones works her magic. I'm simply trying to get people to realize that I'm social and understanding of how this game gets played. Hopefully I can get people to want to keep me and play with me come a tribe swap or a merge.

It’s been a weird round.  I fought my ass off in the challenge but to no avail.  This joint tribal has been a battle.  I think Maynor is flipping to vote out Jenna.  If I’m wrong it’s me with an idol in my pocket. But my allies Tim and Jonesy both feel confident in Maynor and you can’t win Survivor alone so I’m going to stick with my homies and not play my idol.  Gulp.  Wish me luck:

Curse you hosts! Throwing us into a blender to vote someone out! RTQ-read the question, or so my professor always said. What do I do not not read the whole thing and forget to put a Guyana sign or even say it In my videos. Which leaves me scrabbling to do it all again. Dog food and fucking hot sauce bullshit is not something you want to do twice in one night, let alone in one week. Lesson for the day? READ THR MOTHER FUCKING QUESTION FOLKS!

YALL I am so sorry about not making confessionals. It's just I always have a fear that I am wasting my time and that the confessionals won't even got posted...and like nothing interesting has happened on my tribe.  Here are some fun facts tho: after tonight me, Alyssa, José, and Chelsea are the only ones that have not gone to tribal. YEEHAW SKEET SKEET YALL.  I am living in paradise, I have connected w Devon and Jess pretty well.  Devon I know I can trust 100%, I am sure that Jess and Alyssa are pretty close but I still trust them too. I want to be reunited with JONESSSS I miss her.  CRYING IN THE CLUB RN.  We had a mini tribe call just to like chit chat and that was fun.  Jess also destroyed the comp and if José would not have been on our tribe I would have asked to sit out bc like I was still recovering from editing the music video. UMM what else. Oh we have that lit joint tribal that we do not have to go to #BLESS and Idk yall I am just waiting to go to tribal so I can play the game, it's hard coming up with stuff to do and have fun when u winnn.  I have just been collecting tea about the fans sooo

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO WORK OUT OH MY GOD BLESS MAYNOR HOLY FUCK I LOVE THAT MAN SO MUCH that's all for now xoxo, i'll do a more detailed video confessional later

Not even going to lie.. I'm shitting bricks that José is going to fuck up this challenge for us. If he does RIP me in this game. I think I'm the one on the outs out of the 5 of us. Devon is connected with people like Chelsea who won't even give me the time of day.. I'm fucked. SO FUCKED.

Lets start off with Jenna.  I am very sorry. Im sorry that i voted for you. Im a sorry that i made the move? No. I felt you were too close to Dani and Sarah and Aidan and Mitchell. And you had lots of power that tribal. I guess you can say you were sarah and i was kass in this vote. And chaos struck. No one knew my connection to my dad aka Jones and Tim. They are ❤️. I would protect them and i did. Am i ready for the fall out idk. Hopefully no one takes the temptation on our tribe cuz my ass will go right behind Jenna. If I cant do damage control.

Welcome to my: "I Think I may Just be PMSING" rant for this round. BUT I JUST NEED A FUCKING PERSON IN THIS GAME. Someone who I know has my back at least 75%. I'm not asking for a miracle here.. I know someone having your back 100% isn't realistic at all. However, I just need someone who I know going forward will pick me over their old friends or tribe-mates if when we swap or if I make it to merge. Where is this all coming from? I have no idea. I just have a fucking weird feeling. I felt good with my tribe but for some reason something just feels OFF to me. This is probably my paranoia kicking in or my hormones? Only time will fucking tell.... If you'd ask me currently who I considered my person I would say it's Devon by fucking default.  WHICH IS REALLY SAD CONSIDERING HOW WE WERE PRE-SWAP. We swapped together, he has ACTUALLY given me information. BUT..... I know homeboy is looking out for himself first and will sell me out when time comes. SO that's not good for me in the future... I know he has a tendency to tell people the same things too so.. that’s a mood. I would have said Alyssa is my person HOWEVER, I don't see a scenario where she chooses me over Chelsea or Sammy on this tribe right now. In the future? Possibly, I won't rule that out at all.  But for the remainder of however long we have on this tribe... I don't feel good at all. She gives me almost no information and that could be a result of me not giving her information but I’ve honestly told her everything I know. Mitchell possibly being on the bottom, what went into the Lucy/Bee vote. That’s all I got. I physically can not give her anything else. SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING I KNOW. Maybe she doesn’t know anything? I have no fucking idea. I want to work with her SO BAD. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to work with SOMEONE MORE IN A GAME. BUT I fucking can’t shake the feeling of her stabbing me in the back if it came down to me or Devon. I'm trying not to let my paranoia show and I know I've let it slip a couple of times in conversations with Alssya/ Sammy. They ignored me for a good 20 minutes when I said it so it was obvious they were on a call or communicating someway. OR MAYBE IT’S MY PMS OR PARANOIA?!!!! I’m just sure I’ve STRESSED THIS FACT ENOUGH BUTTTTT: I AM FUCKING NERVOUS. I’m almost as nervous as a drug addict taking a fucking piss test right now.  If José pulls some shit in this challenge I’m going if we LOSE MY FUCKING COOL LIKE NO TOMORROW. The way I see the connections on this tribe right now is simple: Devon has connections with Sammy/ Chelsea.  Side note: Chelsea acts like I’m the plague in her pm’s.  She ignores me harder than I ignore all of my life responsibilities and I ignore them pretty fucking hard. I believe I’m closer to Alyssa than Devon is but will she have the votes if it came down to it? NO. Sammy is close to everyone. He’s my pick to win right now. He has everything a future winner has.

Color me SHOOK. Im very surprised that they are handling the Jenna very calm and understanding. I might not have been in as much danger as i thought. I told them the truth about why I did the vote and all the reasons. The paranoia. My anxiety that was spiraling out of control. I didnt tell them tho of my connection to Jonesy 🦑❤️ But i want to thank Jones for calming me down from my anxiety before the vote. And to Sarah who helped me after tribal cuz my anxiety kicked up again after i couldnt talk to jones and people were confused on what happened and were asking around. I am much better today tho. A little calmer than last night.

I am really bad at this, I so imma spill some tea, which I don't have much of. Me and Mitchell agreed to work together until merge then we would kill each other whenever it best suited us. Which was a good think to do because apparently I'm a scary comp beast :D If that is all I am remembered for at the end of this game I'll be happy <3 More to come but I am at work soooooo yeah, more to come ~finger guns~

Also I have NO idea why everyone trusts Mitchell so much!! He’s a snake and if he doesn’t go home this week, the rest of my tribe are idiots

Well...that was quick. Aidan taking the advantage is really interesting, and also very telling: 1. Do the fans have a clear majority? Sarah and Dani didn't trust Mitchell, and this would be the perfect time to knock him out. 2. Is Aidan ACTUALLY playing the game? He seems to have a grip on what will happen tonight, which is fearsome, considering he didn't do jackshit on the original fans tribe. 3. What is this twist for later tonight? I predict the advantage has to do with either picking the swapped tribes or sending someone to exile at the F15, making it 7 vs 7 with 1 at exile.

It looks like they may have thrown the challenge? I might be screwed? Like not in the good way. 😏  They said Mitchell’s name and i want to believe them but how are you going to be like i dont want to go to tribal and hope someone else takes it to taking the temptation. Its very clear of their intention. I just hope they are telling me the real target. Cuz if not im dead. And ill be gone. If its me, its been great. Its been fun. I wish i could have lasted longer. But oh well. Sarah i hope you make it far. Jonesy ❤️ Kill it and take the title.

oh my godddd, so sorry I forgot to do a confessional. I completely forget to do them when my tribe doesn't have to go to tribal. ;) I genuinely love my tribe so much and have actively talked to everyone ever since the switch. Now there's talk about swaps that may happen, but I don't want that to happen. :( The only good thing that could come out of a swap is that I would have an easier time choosing someone to vote out if need be, because by the looks of it, my current tribe is the most active and serious about making it to the top. I really don't want any switches to happen unless it's merge! Also, I don't think my tribe is ever going to talk in the temptation chat because we're all so on the same page. Ugh, I love them.

I think Sarah is going home because Mitchell Aidan and I made an alliance. She threw both Mitchell and my name so.

[anotherler]

Time for more LQ notes! I read probably...40 pages if not more yesterday and the night before that so I’m taking a little break cause I got emotional but I still have tons of notes to post and I have been dividing them up so that the lists aren’t too long. I’ve also got some longer notes because I really like to think about this blog.  I probably should have mentioned this earlier but yeah...spoilers for ALL of LQ’s blog because i’m taking into account past and present posts.

This one has some of the longest notes in it and it ends at page 24 of his blog.

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

186. LQ seems to be feeling peachy keen ehehehe

187. The quality of LQ’s eyesight it somewhat correlated with seeing the truth or seeing clearly…so to speak…or quite frankly in a completely litteral sense.

188. LQ KNOWS ABOUT THE HAIRDRESSING BLENDER RUMOUR ABORT ABORT

189. (Also I understand forgetting of/being sick of drawing glasses.)

190. Blood faucet

191. Ah yes. Stove’s bestest friend; Oven…heheh.

192. In nightmares. In the distance…a hazy silhouette. No wonder LQ is so terrified of his dreams. Does he know that other guy is there? (Also I love ‘Ending’ by Ellie Goulding that’s an amazing song for LQ) Another thing of note is how LQ just sits there with his hands on his head. I wonder how he feels when he’s there. Is it a reminder of a part of him that literally died away?

193. LQ dabbles in the ancient language of magic anon..without success. Gosh that’s so meta.

194. LQ doesn’t really seem to think there is much of a difference whether he’s female or not. He’s pretty much right about that if you ask me.

195. Oh LQ :” D

196. The tags on the “static explanation” post are golden

197. LQ talks about his mom and boy does it hurt.

198: LQ sorta seems to prefer his female form in some ways…then again it’s really tricky to nail down. Such is gender, honestly.

199. LQ is very self aware and rather smart so it’s hard to believe him when he says he’s an idiot and doesn’t understand himself. But I do get that you can never full understand yourself.

200. LQ confirms that he really really didn’t take the surprise of being an aftermath well and that’s probably how he got all those injuries…he’s also been screaming in his sleep. As to whether or not he’s saying any additional thing is…hrm. Perhaps at this point he already knows about HQ and it’s just something he kept hidden from his followers. Considering it seems as though his dreams are composed of a bloody wasteland…why would he have any other reason to scream.  Just a theory.

201. I really appreciate LQ admitting he feels cowardly and going at his own pace. It’s good for him to take it slow but dangerous I suppose to sorta fall back into stagnancy. It’s a feeling that’s easy to recognize…

202. Be NICE to LQ he’s trying his best!!!!

203. Swiggity swall what’s with that pink ball…in his tags he mentions colossal con…hmmm. If LQ really did win that ball then maybe he’s so happy about it because it was a little victory.

204. LQ is immortal; on account of peaches

205. HQ is probably one of the best kept secrets on this blog because to my understanding, the concept for HQ has been around far longer than HQ has been present. I wonder if LQ’s laughter and words and sudden duality were because of HQ. LQ does mention being tired and he appears to be falling asleep and his head hurts so hm…hmmm

206. THIS PART!!! THIS PART!!!!!!

207. I’ve got a sense of déjà vu at this part cause there was a drawing of LQ facing to the left where it’s dark and his eyes were obscured and here it is again…but not quite the same. Just a second while I locate that other one….yup, page 52. LQ addresses his name and how he got it.

208. VALLEY/ONCIE LQ!!!!

209. No static on LQ but static on trees

210. TBH I love LQ’s once-ler story like all the other parts of it too like his valley days and boy did I want to see him at the height of his business but he did sorta act like he was at the start of the blog…but I get the sense it woulda been a bit different.

211. The illustrations in this part of the blog are so beautiful too. There are tons of other really notable areas but you can’t help but admire the complexity and the bright colours.

212. Interrupting your pleasant flashback to remind you of how much deep shit you’re in!!!

213. So LQ totally knew what was gonna happen and did it anyways…could he have even avoided this?

214. So I can see what makes LQ so bad. He talks about yelling at people, took his brothers for granted, calls people fuckers and idiots when he’s mad and I get the impression that with his delusions of grandeur he milked his success for all it was worth and used that time as an opportunity to feel superior and successful for once and quite simply give himself whatever it was he wanted for some time. Allowing himself to act however he wanted too. You get hints about this kind of demeanor throughout the blog, especially when he’s upset. But frankly, I think he’s been upset this whole time thinking about how nothing could change, how he couldn’t change anything about what direction he was going in because he really didn’t think he could. And then he slipped up and lost the seed. His last hope to not be a fuckup and come out as somewhat of a hero in the end despite how he acted. He probably didn’t think it would matter back then. The way he talks while holding the seed just oozes with selfishness. This part is really fucking sad. Plus a lot of it plays out in LQ’s mind: what others think of him. He doesn’t seem to believe that love can be unconditional that one day if you appear to be shitty enough people will leave and he braces himself for that constantly. This note is long, but this is a very important part of his story and a clear view of his past.

215. I’ve said it once. I’ll say it again. I FUCKING LOVE HQ. I love how he…antagonizes and challenges LQ. I love his charismatic way of speaking. I love his energy. He’s wild. He does sometimes refer to LQ as separate. How could he not? They ARE separate. HQ tends to aggressively oppose everything LQ does and I wonder what caused HQ to exist. Is this what LQ wanted?

216. IT HIM. I also really like how his reveal is dragged out like…who IS this guy. Who is he??? Is it LQ talking holy shit theres two of him??????

217. Me, forgetting how long HQ’s cape actually is: SHI T (also it looks really good long oh my god how did I not realize it was long?????????)

218. Well…so that’s why LQ’s mother started to avoid him and never spurred him on. She knew that Once-lers were bound to fail. I kinda wonder if that notion of failiure caused LQ to think less of himself...oh, probably.

219: So HQ is pretty much kinda like LQ’s…”true self” (insert persona joke here I suppose) so it makes sense for him to insult the followers as much as he does because LQ was probably holding his tongue somewhat. But HQ kinda takes LQ’s…truthfulness and bumps it up to 50 so in a case where LQ is mildly irrated, HQ just amplifies it to a screaming fit till it’s impossible to ignore or shrug off. LQ also perceives himself to be rather horrible and HQ definitely drives that peg in.

220. LQ was apparently distrustful and managed most of the tasks of business on his own and not very well either. Comparing this to previous things he’s  said , suddenly it doesn’t add up. A while back he mentioned that he shouldn’t HAVE to work because he is CEO but I think maybe he just didn’t want to get the credit for running his business so badly. Not to mention he had widely forgotten things back then.

221. Frankly when HQ is calm it’s really hard to discern him from LQ and he does. Get really calm at some point. I could picture LQ saying these exact things in previous posts. LQ doesn’t always lie, afterall. And HQ is not as much unlike LQ as people would think. But HQ kinda is a separate school of thought. I guess some part of LQ really wanted to be honest about everything and say everything that was on his mind and not hold it in anymore.

222. Wow. LQ really knows his METAphysics. (As in he understands perception of reality quite well.)

223. LQ is pretty much aware of everything you do. All your lewd questions, all your ships, everything. He just keeps his mouth shut because…common courtesy, eh? Even if talking about these things makes him ache. And just the way LQ defends this  makes personal sense to him. He believes that since he has an askblog people have the right to ask him whatever they want and he can’t be too mad at them cause otherwise he wouldn’t be running it properly. Never the less, it hurts and though the hints are there throughout the blog, HQ makes it painfully obvious here and then. And he gets really mad too, so LQ is clearly rather mad and fed up with it himself. LQ also mentions that he never should have..what? Talked about it? Yelled at his followers? Questions.

224. Okay, also now that I’ve read his blog through I really understand how LQ and HQ are one in the same because I remember all the ways that LQ has acted in the past and making these notes expanded my understanding. Perhaps the most unprecedented thing about the blog is how the followers are going to react and the majority of them seem to think there is no way that he and HQ are one in the same.

225: HQ sorta explains that why he’s there is so that the truth wouldn’t be coming from LQ himself. HQ’s kinda like a scapegoat.

226: LQ honestly does inflict a lot of punishment on himself.

227. Static Oncie was attacked by LQ because he stood for the hope of not messing up for good and LQ didn’t think he had made any mistakes. Static Oncie continues to be an enigma, however…I’m still trying to figure him out.

228. Shout out to Corv who kept LQ alive by feeding him like a mother bird. Good bird man.

229. Shout out to Mori for everything so far because it’s still fucking amazing!!!

230. LQ looks super adorable with suspenders. I really like them ^^ And yeah LQ you’ve come a long way since you’re not as pale as the sheet you were wearing on Halloween anymore.

231. Well, LQ honestly explains it well saying that some part of him probably got mad at him for not taking charge or a sense that when wandering in his thoughts they took control.

232. It’s pretty hard for LQ to have to push himself to face what he’s done and remember it when it hurts so much. But the latter isn’t exactly good for long either. It seems hard for him to find the right way of going about things.

233. From this angle you can see that LQ’s wall has blood on it and it’s only more obvious by how the static gathers in front of it.

234. GLOVE PARTY

235. Nice Stove cosplay

236. LQ seems to have a strong aversion to the colour black.

237. I love it when LQ tries to be spooky hehehe~

238. rainbow gloves are amazing gloves

239. HQ’s back! And LQ is intitially being a bit of a good sport about it it seems.

240. Again, this part is rather hard to read. Litterally because most of it is supposed to be obscured. Frankly…what I’m starting to understand about HQ is he’s the part of LQ that wants to improve to some degree. What other reason would he have to be so honest? He also reacts in shock to LQ not responding in the light of holding a knife up to his own throat. HQ also tends to plead and question the other side of him. It hadn’t occurred to me but among many of my thoughts HQ is kinda like a manifestation of survival too. He’s aggressive as a last resort. He kinda acts out of turn and does whatever he has to do and overtime he just never gives up. He keeps trying different things and I think it might be for the sake of trying to get better. What would it be alternatively? Punishment? Later posts really nail that notion in, if you ask me.

241: It really fills me with warmth to remember how Mori decided to update LQ on my birthday. It meant so much to me UuU it still does

242. Peach farmin’

243. I only have oen thing….to say……..8 >

244. The first time my dumb butt decided to come off anon and talk to LQ eeee :”D Kinda fucking weird that I’m such a fangirl ahahaha…ah well LQ would probably understand. As would…most people.

245. I kinda wonder if LQ doesn’t want visitors and doesn’t want to leave moreso on the basis that he’s scared of being judged and hurt by others as opposed to “Oh I’m an aftermath and that’s just what I do.”

246. LQ claims that he met HQ when everyone first saw him.  I had another theory but maybe LQ is telling the truth here too…or is he? Did he maybe just not know what was going on until HQ truly stepped in?

247. LQ is convinced that he’s not a good person. Is he really as bad as he says? That’s almost never the case.

248. It does seem like HQ and LQ can feel different things at the same time so it’s quite likely a sort of split personality conundrum

249. I am still really sad about the history surrounding LQ and his real name.

250. Honestly it’s so cruel that LQ can’t really keep anything to himself. But there is that entire dilemma of wanting to know something someone won’t tell you. Of just being curious an then having that curiosity satisfied. Sorta the nature of an askblog and opening yourself up for questions, isn’t it?