#I am fine and normal abt this still | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

auroradicit · 2 years

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@healthkits from [x]

He growls. Again. Lucky Sabi’s all wired wrong. Sure, the instinct’s there somewhere, the downside of increasing her pheromones like this. She feels it. The urge to purr and scent him. Reassure him that he’s her alpha, all appeasement behavior and possession.

But it’s deep, deep down. Easier to roll her eyes, harder to resist the urge to bare her teeth while he tries to play dumb. As if she hasn’t seen him loose arrows true three-quarters of the way to dead.

As if she hasn’t been tracking every one, the easy violence drawing more of that cinnamon-heat into her scent.

“Not worried about your aim. ‘M worried about your posturing--” A short pause between words as one of her knives embeds itself in the shoulder of the beta who’d gotten a bullet off. She drops the gun, and Sabi’s already pulling her backup and drawing a bead on her forehead.

“--getting your ass shot.”

#suddenly realizing I don't kno how to turn on the beta editor even if I wanted to rip #healthkits #I am fine and normal abt this still #just to check in #omegaverse for ts #c: the broken doors are open now (Sabi Faelon)

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jklpopcorn · 4 months

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god's specialest little chew toy be upon ye

#isat #in stars and time #siffrin #my art #wretched little creature!!#hi i am still fine absolutely dw abt me i am definitely still not obsessing over this game dw dw #these were supposed to be quick little doodles btw #also i drew one siffrin while i had my canvas flipped and now they have the eyepatch on the wrong eye but i only noticed it during coloring #i am leaving it in i am not changing that #i am going back to being a completely normal person dw <- LYING #but i am slowly learning how to draw the pitiful little thing

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thwackk · 2 years

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i demand your arts

here u can have this one single piece of fanart i made for the fanfic that literally ruined my entire life

#the little house on the prairie halbarry…#if you know you know #halbarry #hal jordan #barry allen #kyle rayner #guy gardner #they r fuckin silly and nothing bad happens in the story i promise. everything is fine forever :)#i gotta be so honest right now that shit is the best thing i’ve ever read in my entire life i am so completely dead serious you dont even kn #i would do horrible ungodly things to farmer barry #what. sorry the demons won #okay honestly i could gush abt this fanfic for literal days it’s not funny i could make like a whole powerpoint abt it it’s been driving me #absolutely crazy please help me #im so normal abt it #my art lol #the absolute grip this shit still has on me… i’ll never get over it

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everye · 2 years

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tw blood, gore

My Heaven

sh1 locations usually don't get much recognition so i feel like adding some explanatory notes on it (just in case)

the place is the secret chamber in Green Lion Antiques where distracted from prayer alessa is having a tender moment gazing at the point where God's painting is supposed to be

(GOD- IM TRULY BEWITCHED BY THIS GAME THE WAY IT NEVER THROWS STRAIGHT FACTS IN UR FACE AND WISELY KEEPS ATMOSPHERE OF UNDERSTATEMENT TILL THE VERY END SO FKING CHARMING–)

whatever ceremonial stuff it is, it had started to burn before one of harry's passing out

and due to perspective in my drawing alessa stands directly on it ..

i'd like to sum up the post w little art comparison bc i also pursued the goal to redraw one of my old drawings

the first one is pretty rough for sure still luv both of them tho

june 2021 august 2022

seems like i had come to better understanding of what im trying to achieve in terms of composition COLORS and whatnot

ьььь

#silent hill #alessa gillespie #dahlia gillespie #unnamed members of the Order. dahlia's gang in short #incubator #incubus #since it's his actual birth scene #damn haven't posted anything serious in a while .. time during summer when i was deciding on ideas for zine almost feels like a past life #made the choice for a reason y'all already know how Normal i am abt sh1 <33 #although people tend to associate it exclusively w harry or/and lisa which IS fine still sad alessa rarely gets any credit............#prolly mentioned it before idk but at the very core it's HER game #meanwhile harry is just a witness who brings us into the loop of the story #(not mocking anyone !! tho in that case harry is basically player's eyes and ears)#drawing special attention to My Heaven soundtrack game's ost is hella gud in general but this one f u c k s #oh the moment when i just realized those weird noises are actually roar of alessa's intense s c r e a m s on horribly twisted frequencies #and the God himself is grotesque embodiment of her mental and physical suffering #not to be dramatic but back then i came to sudden realization that i'll never be the same.............#tw blood #tw gore #my art

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marblerose-rue · 2 years

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all the bad dreams that you hide / show me yours, i'll show you mine

#my art #do not copy trace or steal #everlark #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #hunger games #the hunger games #thg #im still working on drawing people which adds to my nervousness x_x i wish i could be as confident as i am drawing animals #BUT YEAH IM SO NORMAL ABT THEM. I.#i literally have not gone a single day where i havent talked about them and im literally having to give myself limits on how much i can #read the books bc i literally went out to get a new library card JUST to do that #i literally cant believe when i was a kid i didnt like them as a couple .#i just couldnt appreciate the fake dating trope and i also took it very literally . and i was also like ten #ive had this ready to go but when i say ive had my mouse hovering over the post now button for a while i mean that so sincerely #PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT THE HUNGER GAMES i try not to overwhelm my sister but #i am very aware i am way more into thg than she is and we watched the movies together #ive been sending her literally every single video abt thg thinking she will enjoy it as much as i will and im probably driving her up #a wall AHBKJAHBHDFJGBKJDHBGG but its fine she expects nothing less #i have to get used to posting non cat art non warrior cat art #you can tell im stalling . just a little bit

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bunnihearted · 4 months

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🍷

#im in such a bad and low mood :<#it's not just my period hormones 🥴#my wireless headphones worked fine all of yesterday and today when i wake up they're blinking #they're liked fucked up... i turn them off but they constantly turn themselves back on. when i connect them to my ipad they constantly #keep disconnecting and shutting off and turning on 🙃 it makes me so angry bc i need to wear them basically all the time #bc all the noise from neighbors and my family and outside is driving me crazy #but they just dont work anymore?? plus i cant afford new ones... esp now which brings me to my next point #bc of my mom having troubles w school and loans and work etc she was like yeah u guys might have to pay for me this summer so we'll be #proper poor 😄 she doesnt WANT that either but it just sucks bc i got $300 every month and i can barely afford anything as is #yeah so there is no chance of me buying new headphones until at least august or september ......#then im annoyed bc my sisters are passive aggressive 24/7 and hate my existence and my mom is depressed lol #and i have no one to talk to or be with. it's summer and i wanna do stuff but i just dont wanna do it alone lmao #and then im just sad bc of many things.....#also i hate myself bc im a loser failure piece of shit but like yeah that's normal for me to feel #i just hate everything and it's so hard to endure this lame ass existence skskskskks #why cant ANYTHING be good ever in my life??#i am garbage and im surrounded by bad things lmao... anyways can i just stop breathing now pls #and it's not just a 'tiny' thing like my headphones not working like it might seem to others #but when u live a life where NOTHING is good or NOTHING works everything just piles on #ppl dont seem to understand that normally bc most ppl have some good things in their lives #so they just cannot comprehend what it's like when nothing works on any level in your life lok #ofc im depressed ofc im angry and bitter and dejected. i have no good things or moments at all in my life. that tears u down #i mean ofc i could be living in an active warzone and that'd be .. pretty awful i can imagine. but yeah... my situation is still not ideal #like i mean i do actually try to practice gratitude of having a roof over my head my own room water in the pipes and food so i dont starve #i am thankful for that bc many ppl dont even have that #i still feel depressed tho <3 #idk what im talking abt now i just feel SO bad and i have no one to talk to #i have nothing to do... no help no treatment... everyone hates me and wants me dead......#why should i fight when no one cares abt me anyway... well.. i mean i do wanna experience more nature but like idk #im just so exhausted... why cant i ever have smth good in my life that also dont go away after a short while lol

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aeide-thea · 9 months

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i do wish, like, literally anyone i knew were even a little bit hesitant or skeptical about the institution of marriage where i could hear them

like—i accept that presumably the thing can be done in a more radically ~examined~ way or whatever; but how does that happen if no one ever actually, you know, examines it through a lens that’s anything but rose-colored? or at least, not out loud where some actual collective discussion and theorizing could happen?

and also i just, as always, think there’s value in voicing a variety of visions for how to live, because i think a worldmodel in which there’s a default goal, and then a stigmatized alternative for those who can’t or won’t meet it, is in fact worse for everyone, even the normie or normie-passing, than a worldmodel in which that false, stifling binary gets expanded back out into a full range of free, deliberate, joyous choice, and the original default becomes just one of many, equal, gorgeous possibilities…

#like it’s hard to talk abt this bc people feel really protective and defensive of it #which i get! it’s near and dear to people’s hearts!#but it really makes me feel like an alienated freak even among alienated freaks #and there’s literally no one i can talk to about it #so it just feels like. i’m failing at this thing and failing to feel the right way abt this thing and it’s just like #increasingly a locus of resentment and bafflement and alienation and shame and silencing and deep unhappiness #anyway yes i guess i AM saying i want antimarriage Representation #hideous but there you have it!#like ultimately yes you have to just be fine with being a freak and a failure and whatever else #but like. honestly we all need some like-minded people #existing in total isolation is. really brutal actually.#so i guess i AM actually still on the side of more ~normalization~ despite all the backlash against that lately #like i’m SURE there’s been discussion of this by eg aros #but like. i don’t want to have to go read up by myself. i want there somehow to be room in my existing circles for questioning.

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mars-ipan · 2 months

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i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much

#marzi speaks #it’s worse with my brother but he’s doing more to actively work on improving that #my dad however has very subtle internalized ableism that i don’t think he recognizes is there #which is. fun #like earlier. either last night or this morning i don’t remember #i was talking to him about how while ideologically i have nothing against accepting needing help and things like that #in practice it’s very challenging to adjust to being disabled even temporarily. and that if i do end up with a diagnosis that’s gonna be #a lot to handle. both mentally and just with the lifestyle changes i’ll have to make #and he makes a bit of a face and goes ‘i wouldn’t quite call you disabled. i’d just say ‘ill’’#and i just sort of look at him. and i blink. and i go ‘i am physically Un-Able to do things i am normally able to do’#‘i can’t walk long distances at all. i can’t sit in chairs for too long without causing pain’#‘i’ve spent the last 24 hours staring longingly at my computer because i want to draw but am currently Not Able To’#he didn’t argue with me but i can tell he was still unnerved by the idea of picturing his daughter as disabled #also like . illness and disability are not mutually exclusive? several disabilities are or involve chronic illness #i shouldn’t be surprised though. i mentioned considering starting lexapro #and he went on his ‘you’re an adult and it’s your choice in the end but i wouldn’t recommend it’ spiel #(he’s anti-psychiatry bc he doesn’t like the idea of breaking the brain down into smth so purely physical)#(and also doesn’t like the idea of someone being dependent on pills their whole life)#(which i’m giving him some slack on rn bc he is a just-got-clean recovering opoid addict. so)#(btw before any of you say SHIT abt my dad he took his pills legally prescribed for chronic pain and did not abuse them)#(and even if he DID that would give nobody a right to make a moral judgement on him. ok cool)#i then reminded him that my mom takes anti-anxiety meds and they really really helped her #and he just goes ‘true.’ and moves on #king u got some shit to unpack #it’s fine if u didn’t want to start antidepressants when it was recommended to you meds aren’t for everyone #but like come on now. u don’t gotta be so fundamentally against it when literally ur own wife who you adore takes psych meds #anywho my mom handled me making the disability comment much better. she was basically just like ‘ur fear is totally understandable’#‘u have a good support system we’ll help you through it’#which. thanks mom 👍 that was very kind of her to say

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columblorbo · 3 months

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#that aro mood of- for lack of better words- getting your feelings hurt #bc a streamer/youtube personality I enjoy who was previously happily single #suddenly has a partner and references and talks about said partner and being in a relationship #which is their right to do #but is something that had been absent from their content for the last 3 years #and now someone who was normalizing being happy and single is suddenly perpetuating the whole ur partner is now more prominent than friends #like it’s hella parasocial to even care #probably #but I’m still just a bit annoyed and butt hurt #an utterly romance free source of entertainment I enjoyed #is suddenly subject to romantic content at any point #which is FINE they’re a person whose content I enjoy and if they’re happy I’m happy #I just wanted to whine about it somewhere #also I feel like a lot of people- especially content creators and celebrity’s- who are probably somewhere on the aro spectrum #just never find out or explore that part do their identity bc of amatonomrtive pressure that comes from being in the public eye #but I’m not speculating abt this specific person #I was just thinking about the lack of out aro celebs and content creators #believe me I am aware of and watch the ones who are out #shout out jaidenanimations and alpharad

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asiancatboy · 10 months

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today my therapist asked me if i would be interested in joining a support group specifically for friends & family of addicts & idk why that of all things got me choked up but it did

#maybe bc i don't live with him anymore & haven't for a while so surely i should be fine by now right #or maybe bc i have gone through my own forms of addiction surely my experiences should make all of this easier to process n accept #i sat there thinking abt it for so long like why am i having a hard time saying anything at all despite the fact i've been #talking abt him for months now & i just realised. i'm still minimising my own problems #i'm still trying to convince myself it's not all that bad & things r normal & actually other ppl have it worse off #the idea that someone else thought it was complicated enough i could benefit from talking abt it in a specific group was just like #idk it really hit me for a moment

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willowfey · 3 months

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not to be anti feminist or anything but i rly was made to be like a nepo baby or a stay at home girlfriend or smth bc the idea of having an actual career is so ghastly and every day i woke up to go to my last job i wanted to quit… but also i made homemade hummus and mediterranean wraps today and i have a whole dresser of art supplies and started writing up plans to build a fantasy book themed hotel …. like there’s so many things i wanna do i just don’t wanna think about the money. and also sometimes i just want to make iced coffee and have a 7 hour long nighttime routine or like binge gilmore girls all day. as is our god given right. sooooo who’s gonna fund that for me huh

#like i know im very lucky and privileged the fact that i live at home and i AM taken care of rn. i am a stay at home daughter #but the pressure to get a job and build my own career rly takes away my lust for life ngl #my mom is like why don’t u try copyrighting? u can work from home and still do everything u want!#like mom u don’t understand i don’t want to write work emails for ppl i wanna write my silly little stories abt my silly little characters #i wanna go to the homeless shelter and bring care packages i lovingly crafted myself #i wanna randomly travel to thailand and then come back and take ski lessons and then open an animal sanctuary #i DO want to enjoy all the things the world has to offer. i do. and i think that’s good and normal and fine #but i also just want the freedom to help as many people as possible and make the world a better place #i want to have the energy and motivation to put all of my ideas into action #and i think there are lots of boring rich ppl in the world who could be making the world happier and they’re not #so i want a turn

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faaun · 1 year

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shaking of leaves by into it over it is genuinely one of the top songs of all time

#the sun is setting later which is a shock because i was too bruised up to celebrate the winter solstice this year #i got lasik surgery just to start a staring contest with the sun. two of my names mispronounced in a row by the butchers. i can still see #arithmetic as construction in space and geometry as construction in time. follow two parallel lines until they meet.#piazza stairs in the sun drinking aloe lychee juice watching young and beautiful people talk about money. notice the small fine lines #forming at the corners of their lips between their brows the sides of their eyes. what is representable for you is necessarily what there #is. subjective necessity transfer to objective necessity. why is this compelling? why are you compelling? would you like to kiss #by the river? would you like to walk 30 minutes to broadway so we can kiss by the river? ar 3³ #ive learned a lot about turner's watercolours but i havent said enough about the ways neurons dance together. about the way all of it is a #process without emotion and how that makes it beautiful. chipped nailpolish on his nails and dark circles under his eyes and a smile that #says i have learned to study the nature of the mind and how intuitions form reality and i no longer want to die. instead of taking #that horrible fall he reads kant to himself and he reads her to sleep and he reads my horrible jokes.#dont think like a psychologist and dont write like a philosopher. dont do maths like a physicist.#ironically read the science of logic. ironically a caffeine adict. ironically drink steriliser for its 74% alcohol solution.#ironically a 1:1 student. there are birds hanging in the archives. orions belt over the red glow of a very normal house.#each time i walk home the stars are brighter. i hope you are brighter too. i hope i am brighter too. i am going to win #that staring contest with the sun.#[i drafted this post on jan30 and forgot abt it]

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izzy-b-hands · 1 month

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My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

#text post #like i know why i am awake babe why are YOU awake this late #and god why do we have to do another visit #they aren't bad enough to make me stop this dose and i haven't been on the new dose long enough to let it even out #can i not just Not have to do another uncomfortable visit where even if things turn out okay after #i later feel like I'm still not being wholly trusted/treated like i know my body and how i feel #i had worse side effects restarting this med months ago and we didn't have any additional visits for that #they fucking forgot to even book me for a f/u and i had to call in and beg for one basically #and then they misbooked it for the wrong reason and with the wrong doctor #and made it out like it was my fault when i made clear i begged and told the receptionist i spoke to to book said appt #that it needed to b with my doc for the Lamotrigine and that i hadn't been told when to follow up so i was just. doing it #bc she said i needed to but then didn't say when to book it #they're trying hard and im trying to give them grace but then this shit happens and like #im tired. makes me want to go into my new doc like nah never mind im fine. don't ask me nothing and i won't bug you with anything #unless im dying or nearly dead already.#would suck beyond believe attempting to raw dog life mostly again but goddamn. im so sick of this lack of stability with my care #anyway. probably an appt next Tuesday which is great #that's the week of the weekend that i work again and the week before my bday #(a bday I'll be working now which I'm not normally irked abt but. i am a bit rn)#so cool. yeah. let's stack anxiety and fear over a medical appt on top of everything else for that week #and that's not counting that this weekend I've been tasked with buying and getting signed a v expensive and rare figure #for my mum's bf and I'm kind of terrified im gonna fuck it up #he paid for tickets to the con the figure will be sold at and that the person he wants to sign it will be at #so if i fuck this up he'll want (understandably) to be paid back asap for that #and that's money i don't fucking have rn #i really wish she had waited till the actual day proper to contact me bc i couldn't sleep before this #and now i definitely cant bc like #it's dumb. but what if she takes my med away. it isn't perfect but it works better than any other med I've tried #what if she wants me to try a new one. i cant do that and b dealing with major side effects during the intense work schedule #that'll be happening for me v soon and then into November

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oddogoblino · 7 months

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Sometimes my paranoia makes me really overthink why someone could've possibly blocked me but then I have to remember how the reasons can go as small as just not liking the ship someone else reblogged once.

#oddito ramblinos #like- im so paranoid about doing anything remotely problematic that it legit makes me scared of reblogging normal aaa body support stuff #my entire decisions on what is and isnt chill to reblog/like is based like 40% off of the ppl i follow.#like ofc common sense is a majority but that 40% that has no idea desperately tries to find social cues from others on if smth is good #said social cues being ofc- reblogging things #some things im confused about still but silently nod along to whatever ppl i am friends with say when theyre more knowledgeable abt things #like that ableist rickroll...i had no idea until someone i follow reblogged an awareness post..#i am so scared of being wrong - not for the act of being wrong but of the consequences of what im wrong abt #said smth abt my ship that someone else who ships it doesnt agree with? Idk they might yell at me and say terrible things!! Who wants that?#note i am perfectly fine just existing and this is a weird issue to have- i have just always been a paranoid being and know it's paranoia #idk why im rambling its 6 am

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verytendou · 1 year

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I cant get therapy bc theyre going to teach me healthy coping methods instead of being able to just go “#ativanmoment” and then going on with my day

#I DONT REGULARLY TAKE ATIVAN <- clarification #but i do have it and will take it under horrifying circumstance snfkjrsjsk BUT EVEN THEN ITS FINE ITS WHATEVER IM SO NORMAL !!!#also i only rmemeber to get therapy post 10pm and unfortunately therapy seems to be closed at that time #anyways my point being i already took the zofran so im not nauseous anymore but i AM now just anxious instead of anxious and nauseaus #my advice for the world is when you almost theow up frok having to go to a meeting it probably actuallt isnt in tour best instance to play #a horror game and then 5 rounds of halo with your friend who is much better at halo than you are #but ANYWAYS #ATIVANMOMENT #v.txt #i havent even taken the ativan yet but its been ten minutes and my hands are still shaky so i probably should #anyways i would put this on my close friends story but unfortunately even just zofran had the ppl there getting worried abt me 🙄#if these people cant handle the idea of me taking zofran they FOR SURE cant handle the ativan 🙄🙄🙄#anyways one day i want people to talk sbt me like my boss talks about her okd employee that was fired b4 i got there which is #‘if theres one thing i can thank them for its my lexapro prescription’#i strive to be like that #ANYWAYSNDNDKSNDJD BYEEE #off to take my ativan

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grotesquism · 11 months

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living vicariously through my bfs stories bc he got to actually be a normal teenager/young adult meanwhile i’ve been in and out of hospitals and rtcs since age 15 😊

#and then when i finally did get a chance to be normal and go to college my chronic illness started and i had to drop out and that’s why im #still in fucking college at age 26!!!!!! nice!!!!!!!#but nah fr like i lost the entirety of my teenage years and early 20s to mentsl and physical illness and i think that i will be bitter abt #that til the day i die❤️#but yea it’s fine it’s ok i am so over it and i am doing soooo much better now!!! (me when i lie❤️)

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