#I completely understand if this makes you very uncomfy! That’s so so valid and I’m sorry I’ve made you feel uncomfortable!

[bakatenshii]

okay this is not to bash you in anyway shape or form but... idk the “incel” stuff just doesn’t sit right with me like incels are known for being heavily anti black and having an unhealthy obsession with women and treating them as sexual objects for their pleasure... like there’s a difference between having kinks and then glorifying a very bad minded group of people for your fictional pleasure... idk

Hi hi babes! First of all thank you for being so respectful in your ask, I really appreciate it. I just wanna say before answering this, that your feelings are definitely valid. I’m sorry that it’s put you off, and that’s entirely fair.

My thoughts under the cut! (sorry it’s really long)

The term incel, as we know, stands for Involuntary Celibate. It was coined all the way back in 1993 by a woman in Canada when she was detailing her sexual inactivity— the intended meaning for the word. Over the course of time, we’ve seen it change and warp into a subculture with entirely different connotations.

I have to start by stating that I absolutely do not condone them in real life, just as I do not condone the majority of my content such as rape, incest, and drug abuse. I’ve stated a few times on my blog that while I lewd incels in a fictional way, I do not in any way shape or form condone them in real life.

While there are absolutely extremist views in that subculture, just like there are in every culture, the basis of their ideology is that men are entitled to sex. I can’t lie, I actually did a lot of research on them (a case study, if you will) because I was so intrigued by how delusional and warped their perspective is.

You can compare it to the concept of being fascinated in serial killers and the mental oddities that contributed to their motives; to me, their mentality is absolutely warped and twisted.

But after rummaging the webs, going through both public and private forums, servers, sites, etc, the truth is that the great majority of them are just sad self-loathing men who bond together to wallow in self-pity and circlejerk at their pity party. Am I excusing them? No. I’m just explaining that most of them are spineless men who are touch-starved, and not as extremist as you’d think.

The bigger issue I’d like to address here is the lack of understanding when it comes to separating real life with fiction. What I write here is absolutely a romanticized version of a normally pretty grotesque thing. That’s why it’s fiction. Dragons don’t really exist, and neither do incels I want to actually fuck, just as I don’t feel any sort of attraction towards my family despite writing incest.

My blog is always going to consist of romanticized versions of things that are otherwise terrible. In this case, it’s misogyny. That’s how I cope; I take bad things and make them something I can tolerate. If that’s not your way of coping, not something you agree with, that’s completely valid!

I support in however you choose to explore your sexuality and sexual fantasies, and if following my blog and seeing this content is uncomfortable, then please unfollow or block me. Do what you have to to keep yourself safe and sane.

From now on I’ll be tagging incel content as #tw: incel / so please block that tag if you still wish to follow me for other content! Once again thank you for coming to me so respectfully. I appreciate it ♡︎

[mogai-sunflowers]

that anon gave off a l o t of radfem vibes because the implication they made was that lesbians dating men WASNT the same thing as aros dating, that it was somehow an offense, like they’re a betrayal. very radfemy. anyways I totally understand that a lot of lesbophobic rhetoric revolves around “it’s bad that you don’t like men, I’m gonna fix you” and like that’s absolutely disgusting and I completely understand any lesbian who is very uncomfortable with the notion that they could like men. most lesbians don’t and don’t want to date them and if that applies to you you’re awesome and valid. but it doesn’t mean that the very real and current history of lesbians in relationships with men is something that can be denied. Someone else’s identity can’t say anything about your own because identity is personal so it’s still not okay to invalidate others based on something that makes you uncomfy but isn’t actually harmful. Individual lesbians being comfortable with dating men in no way implies that all lesbians can and should date men like those two things are not at all related so that anon telling me to think critically is kind of ironic when they cant distinguish between personal identity and group dynamics. The radfem bs is STRONG with this one /ref

anygays lesbians who are uncomfortable with men and the notion of dating them but still respect lesbians who are okay with dating men my absolute fucking beloveds <3

[bookofmirth]

Hello! This is a bit different from your usual gwynriel/elucien asks, so I hope you don’t mind, but it’s something that’s been bothering me lately and I wonder if anyone else has noticed.

I’m not sure if it’s because if the upsurge in popularity of acotar on tiktok/twitter with a younger audience reading it, or if I’ve just been lucky and not noticed it before, but I’ve seen so many Tamlin stans coming out of the woodwork and it honestly bothers me.

I definitely do agree that Tamlin is a complex character and of course, it’s fine that people are interested in him (I really don’t care about him, but to each their own)! But lately there have been so many people in the fandom arguing that he’s a victim of PTSD who deserves better, often villainizing Feyre/Lucien because of this.

I‘ve seen takes that Feyre was gaslighting Tamlin when she told him she was happy with Rhys because Rhys still had the whole night court persona going on?? And that Lucien and Feyre were a horrible support system because they wouldn’t stand up to him (completely ignoring that when they did Tamlin … ya know … physically hurt both of them)? And that somehow Feyre spying in the Spring Court in ACOWAR was also abusive and manipulative towards Tamlin?

I just genuinely don’t understand where all of this is coming from. I try to be critical of SJM’s writing because I understand that it can be flawed, especially since I have problems with how Feysand was written after ACOWAR, Azriel’s issues with women, the IC’s treatment of Nesta, etc. But I just can’t seem to get behind these interpretations and I’m not sure if I’m just missing something (or ‘biased’ by Feyre’s POV as some claim).

Wooooooo boy, so I didn't know that this was a thing happening but lemme break down how wrong these people are with some of these arguments! This is going to get long.

(I definitely don't mind, I appreciate any ask that's not just about ship wars!)

So I'm going to lay out the claims people are making and talk about them one at a time.

Tamlin has PTSD:

Probably yes. In the beginning of acomaf, Feyre mentions that he has trouble sleeping, just like she does, and I believe he gets up at night, and this is when their relationship really deteriorates. I can't say for sure what he was experiencing, but it seems like he had a lot of anxiety and fears left over from Amarantha and watching Feyre die. The things he was experiencing emotionally are 1000% understandable and valid, even if it wasn't diagnosable PTSD.

But you know who else likely has PTSD? Lucien and Feyre.

Say it with me everyone: emotions do not always justify behaviors.

Feyre is gaslighting Tamlin:

Hell fucking no.

People need to learn what gaslighting is. Gaslighting is not just "lying". Gaslighting is not "disagreeing". Gaslighting is a very specific tactic used to make someone question their memory, their reality, to twist the truth.

Rhys definitely had a persona. That was a calculated decision. But when Feyre tells Tamlin that she is happy, she is not lying at all. Her telling Tamlin that she is happy has nothing to do with whatever lies or manipulations that Rhys did in the past. Why? Because even if Rhys was a super asshole dark dude, Feyre saying she is happy with him is still the truth. Feyre isn't lying, let alone gaslighting Tamlin, that idea is completely laughable.

The only way that people could say that Feyre is gaslighting Tamlin is to say that she is responsible for Rhysand's Dark persona, that she is the one who created it with the intention of making people question what they thought was true. Which she isn't. That isn't even the reason that Rhys created the persona. He created it to obscure the truth in the first place.

And even his persona isn't gaslighting? He isn't trying to make people question their reality. He isn't trying to make people question themselves. He is trying to make himself look scary. And so when he drops that persona, he is telling the truth. He isn't gaslighting people, he is saying "hey I wasn't being honest before but now I am".

And i think that's a big, big difference that people are failing to understand. Gaslighting is about trying to change other people's reality. Rhys's persona was about him. Feyre saying she was happy was about her. Neither of those things were about trying to make people feel like they were crazy.

So there has to be this reality. Let's say Rhys was spotted being menacing. Person A is like "hey, you look scary!" And he's like "noice, my evil plan is working." Then later on Rhys is like "hey you know what, I wasn't being honest before, I'm actually a Super Cool Dude." Person A might be confused for a minute because what they thought was true wasn't true, but they'll get there.

If it were gaslighting, on the other hand, it would go more like: Rhys: *is nice*. Person A: "hey, I thought you were scary though?" Rhys: "nah, that was my good twin, Rhysnaldo. I've never been nice a day in my life. You must be confused." Person A: *questioning everything they thought they just witnessed".

So yeah anyway, people gotta stop using that term if they don't know what it means.

Feyre manipulating Tamlin:

Personally, I agree with the argument that she manipulated Tamlin in the beginning of acowar. I don't think that's even a matter of interpretation, she went to Spring with the intention of burning shit down.

Feyre was not abusive towards Tamlin. She knew his weaknesses and exploited them. I don't care that she did that to him, I think that she deserved a bit of vengeance. However, personally I cannot stand the fact that in doing so she caused a lot of collateral damage and did not gaf. Deal with your abusive ex however you need to, Feyre. Don't knowingly, intentionally bring harm to other people in doing so.

Feyre and Lucien failing as a support system:

NO.

Feyre literally saved Tamlin's life by killing and dying for him. Lucien was also tortured by Amarantha because of Tamlin. Neither of them broke and betrayed him. They were incredibly loyal to him throughout acotar. Even now, when Lucien is being emotionally and physically abused by Tamlin, Lucien is still trying to work with him, make sure he is fed, make sure he doesn't completely lose his humanity fae-ness. Lucien is the only reason that the Spring Court hasn't completely collapsed while Tamlin wallows in his beasty feelings.

Any time that either Feyre or Lucien try to stand up to Tamlin, he gets manipulative and abusive. He emotionally manipulates Feyre into feeling guilty for wanting to be able to defend herself. He emotionally abuses Feyre by making her afraid of his anger and afraid of how he will react to anything that she says or does. He glares or shouts down anything the Lucien says.

Also, Tamlin is a High Lord! They can only do so much when it comes to standing up to him.

For real, Feyre and Lucien did literally everything that they possibly could in order to try to support Tamlin, and much of that was to their own detriment. In trying to support Tamlin, they got emotional and physical abuse in return. So no, fuck that. Being supportive does not mean we have to put up with abuse.

Being biased in Feyre's favor:

We are not biased by Feyre's POV in the sense that she is trying to mislead the reader, but we are limited by her POV because she doesn't know everything. She tells us the truth as she knows it. That is very different from a narrator who is intentionally trying to hide things or lie or mislead.

But even if we were biased by Feyre's POV, so fucking what??? Is it so wrong to take the side of a victim of abuse? Why do we need to try so hard to understand Tamlin's side? People can do that, of course, I have myself, especially later on in the story. In acofas I started to feel sorry for him. I've been mad at how Rhys treated him in acofas. But the idea of being biased in Feyre's favor means that we would have to question her, in some way, when she recounts the story of her abuse. That's disgusting, to me. What reason do we have to think she isn't telling her story truthfully?

We might naturally have more empathy towards Feyre because we heard the story from her POV, but again - why is that a bad thing? To hear a story from the victim of abuse and feel empathy for them??? Call me crazy but that's not a problem. I'm going to empathize with Feyre, and I'm going to believe Mor (and Rhys, and Lucien). The end.

A final word

Just something you said in the last paragraph struck me, in regards to Azriel's view of women and how the IC treats Nesta: those are not thing to criticize in sjm's writing, I think. Just because Tamlin is abusive doesn't mean that sjm shouldn't have written him that way, ya know? If there are inconsistencies in characterization or a lack of understanding of abusive dynamics or alcohol abuse or something like that, those are things we can criticize in her writing. But characters do uncomfy things, that's supposed to happen.

What I'm trying to say is that there is a difference between criticizing a character's actions, and criticizing the way they have been written. Pretty much everything above falls under the realm of "analyzing a character or story", not criticizing the author.

[spiltscribbles]

Yes yes yes to all of the things you just reblogged about tiktok and atyd. I've been in the fandom since the terms used where slash and lemon. So a while. I don't know if it because lots of new fans are really young (I'm talking 13-15 years old. Literal children) but I've been the one who now feels "uncomfy" in the fandom because well, I like complex, raw and real portray of characters and not versions reduced (by the readers) to a bunch of bullet points taken religiously. Where everything else is sin™. And it's not even about atyd or its author really (who shockingly, left the fandom. I reaaally wondered why) bc their other r/s fic is bloody great (it's a hairdresser/band Au. Highly recommend) but it's mature and I'm pretty sure would be considered really problematic by the same people (especially the bits about Remus past). I'm seeing a trend in this fandom that I absolutely do no like. Atyd is a fanfiction. Nothing more. Everyone has their hc. And if you are a child do not consume media that's not made for you. Fanfic authors are not responsible for your inability to read tags. If they want to write pwp (with or without the plot) and you feel uncomfy bc you are a child and description of sex should make you uncomfortable DON'T READ IT. If you are 14 your understanding of adults is not complete, because you aren't one. You can't know. But if I, an adult, wants to write a lie low at lupins where two other adults take out their frustration by having angry sex after a shouting match of insults and low blows well, Im bloody hell writing it and won't be made feel bad about it.

sugar pop!!! this entire rant is LEGIT SO FUCKING ON POINT!!! truly ✨sexy as fuck✨ and i LOVE IT!!!

ok so first off THIS POST by @eyra is just amazing and that angel is so much more eloquent and so much smarter and more precise than I could ever be so if you have not read that, plz do so immediately!!

but off to give my too sense khdujfdykhfjjgh

I think you were specifically talking about my tags about how I was just indifferent about ATYD and then began actively disliking it because of the fucking TikTok feed! Like literally, folks began using ATYD as a replacement in tags for like marauders and shit, and that was INSANE to me!! And like this is absolutely no hate to the author because I’m sure they are lovely, and they should obviously be so fucking proud of what they wrote and how huge it is, but JFC I hate it when folks find one FIC to latch onto and pretend this is the end all be all for FICs written for marauders era, this was way before my time, but I’ve been told countless times over that this was basically what happened when The Shoebox Project came out, and it’s just maddening to me!! Like ppl taking characterizations from a specific FIC and pretending this is the holy grail, only valid thing??? Like fuck off, no! And it’s also pretty obvious, and I’m sure the author wouldn’t be insulted by this, but ATYD feels very inspired by the movie versions of the marauders we got, and I just simply don’t vibe with those sort of personifications rip.

But this expounds further, like you highlighted in your ask.

TIKTOK COMMENTARY IS SO FUCKING BLACK AND WHITE AND IT MAKES ME INSANE!!!! It feels so ingenuous and phony, and like so many of these folks are in some sort of “woke olympics” or some shit. And listen, this has nothing to do with fucking representation so don’t bring that into my inbox. I’m literally a neurodivergent, pansexual, brown girl— Trust and believe I love all different representation e get and absolutely crave it to a tee. The problem comes when folks begin vilifying others for “problematic” things they write, as if topics like such haven’t been written FOR CENTURIES! and haven’t been explored countless times in traditional media, so yes, Fanfic can both be a valid form of media while also being just a way for some people to get out some practice or whatever the fuck else. Also you don’t know what the fuck trauma people have been through, and I know if I wrote about my experiences, I absolutely will not be validating them by giving you guys my sorted history or what the fuck else, that shit is for me and my future therapist lmfao.

I think we all have no gos, and I think we all know the large ones that I personally am thinking of, so I won’t name them here, but like I’m not going to go into someones comments section or their Tumblr inbox and yell at them for it, hell, I probably won’t even subtweet about it unless it’s mad vague, I keep that shit in the DMs, like a fucking decent human being— and this does not include a server of 100s of folks, becs that’s still shitty, and I know as a Admin for my own server, I’ve had to scold folks for shit talking certain FICs in RWRB and told them to keep it in the DMs, even if I agree completely with what they’re saying. 

However, I’ll include the caveat that it’s really, really important to listen to people in those actual communities, like queer folk or people of color, who find portrayals problematic. Like they absolutely do not owe it to us to speak their minds, but when they do, we HAVE TO LISTEN. But I’m going on a tangent, I think my main point here is that…

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!!! 

That’s the flat out truth, and if shit like toxic relationships or sexual writings, or whatever the fuck else isn’t your cup of  tea, yuh mood. Hell, we probably agree, but why are you out here making a TikTok scolding this characterization or trope or whatever??? As if a majority of us aren’t above 18 and like writing and reading about sex BECAUSE THAT’S A PART OF ADULT LIFE— unless of course you are on the Ace spectrum, then you of course are completely valid for not caring for it.

Just, listen . AO3 is miraculous for a lot of things, but their tagging system is absolutely fucking incredible. Folks are out there giving their entire triggers list in the tags, and in the rating, and if not, I will bet my bottom dollar that they talk about it in the Notes section before the FIC, so it’s on you to fucking read it and understand what your getting into. The only responsibility a writer has is to warn you in those sections, LEGIT THAT’S ALL THEY HAVE TO DO!! And like listen, when I was a wee ten year old trying to read FIC, I was stuck with fucking FF net and read shit I definitely shouldn’t have been reading becs I wasn’t lucky enough to have AO3 and all of the ways it protects and warns minors. 

Okay, I’m not sure where exactly I’m going with this, but this was a good way to let off some steam tbh lakfsdjlkgjaeoighklsdg so thank you Nonny!!!

And if you write this angry sex LLAL FIC PLEASE FUCKING HIT ME  UP!!! That’s the shit my angst ridden mind loves to see!!! This is why first war era is my absolute favorite thing! Because we can still get these moments of fluff and light heartedness, amidst all the mistrust and pain and the way that a heart wrenching sort of love spills across all of it, ugh it’s so good!!! Awful for my emotions, but SO FUCKING GOOD!!! bahahaha 

[umbralstars]

TMI post under the cut but I need to rant somewhere.

DWTR: I'm probably some variety of grey Ace, but constantly double guess myself because I'm not "Ace TM" (I hate describing it that way but I don't know what else to describe it as) and various frustrations about life

To cut the story short I have stupid high libido (like to the point it's really fucking annoying, and my ADHD brain likes to fixate on it for some reason. Probably the dopamine idk??) but fuck me if I have sexual attraction to anybody. Maybe to the person I dated for years, but I still could've gone that entire relationship never having sex cause I don't seek it out despite the wildly high libido. I'm definitely romantic cause I have romantic and aesthetic attractions that involve myself, but sexual attraction is completely and utterly different.

I really like reading and writing erotica. But any kind of sexual thoughts always involve fictional characters who are not myself. I really hate the idea of putting myself into my own fantasies like to the point "x reader" erotica (or even g-rated romance, despite being a romantic, cause I just don't like 'x reader' fiction in general. Just not for me) makes me deeply uncomfortable.

However, all that makes me feel like somehow I'm not some variety of Ace cause I don't fit the "never thinks about sex, is probably sex repulsed, etc etc" mold. Like it's completely fine and valid if you do, but it makes me feel alienated from all sides. Cause I do think about it, probably too much depending on how my cycle wants to fuck me over yay being ftm, but it just doesn't involve me. My desire for it to involve me is completely nearly non-existent.

I still got some of the probably stereotypical 'hallmarks' like hating 99% of sex scenes in tv or movies cause the very way I think about sex is completely different, probably, from non-aces (like I need to have a deep emotional connection between two or more people with the right context and build up lest I absolutely hate every second of it. And even then unless the scene is necessary for the plot or themes I wonder why it even exists in the first place. Like PWP is one thing cause that exists to be PWP, but it being attached to something longer and just happening yeah I don't get it). My sexually active friends who aren't ace explaining how they think about sex almost feels like talking to someone speaking a language I haven't studied or just can't understand. I had another point I deleted cause it involves real people and very uncomfortable memories, don't worry nothing traumatic or abusive just uncomfy.

I feels like I don't have or not allowed the right words to express myself when I need to. Like I'm caught in the middle of some kind of ace/non-ace battle I didn't even know was happening until I stepped into the cross fire. I just hate all this exclusionary, identity policing nonsense cause it's genuinely making me feel like I'm broken in every single way. I'm not "Ace enough" to be Ace but I'm not a Sexual person either, so what the fuck am I?!

[lily-mj-fae]

I want to talk about something in fandom that’s making me super uncomfy in regards to Elain. I’ll once again start by saying: You can not like her, that’s fine. There are valid reasons to like her, and not like her (so long as it doesn’t involved completely erasing her). But there are things to mindful of. One of them is going to be a hot topic one. Which is Nesta vs. Elain and supporting each other post trauma. (also, this post may or may not get edited after I get home and have physical access to the book)

What makes me uncomfortable is the way many in fandom villainize Elain for not staying by Nesta’s side through the over a year long of trauma, when Nesta was taking it out on Elain. They say it doesn’t matter how Elain was being treated, that she should have stayed by Nesta’s side because Nesta was there for her (for a couple months).

And while I won’t say it was easy for Nesta to sit by Elain’s side and watch her not eat. Not really sleep. And not really do anything, she didn’t have to deal with Elain rejecting the Nesta’s presence. She didn’t have to deal with Elain spitting hateful things at her. She didn’t have to deal with being pushed away. So in some ways, it was “easy” to stay there when the person is causing you harm.

Nesta does the opposite when Elain tried to be by her side. She tells Elain they have separate lives and that she has no interest in being part of Elain’s. She is the one to move out of the house. She’s the one that picks an area she knows very well would make Elain incredibly uncomfortable because it will keep her away. She’s the one that doesn’t give Elain a chance to speak when they pass in the street. She’s the one that blames Elain for their father’s death (even if internally she blames herself). She’s the one that after telling Elain she didn’t do enough and could have saved their father, refuses to allow her to help with the Trove. And then Insults Elain when she calls her out on that hypocrisy. 

That behavior, that treatment, is NOT okay. No matter the reason. And no one should have to stand by and accept that treatment because that person “was there for them.” This is the kind of mentality that leads people to stay in abusive relationships. I’m not going to say Nesta is being abusive. In this fandom, that word gets thrown around a lot. And I know too many of you will focus on that instead of what I’m actually saying. But that is the mentality that has people staying in toxic situations.

Elain does not need to stay by Nesta just because Nesta stayed by her side. I’m not saying she shouldn’t have offered support. I’m simply pointing out she TRIED to stay present. Nesta was the one pushing away. And that behavior is not something someone should be forced to endure just because they “owe” someone. No one should be forced to endure that because they “owe” someone.

I’m not even saying I support Elain in everything here, because of course there are things she could have done better. Could have handled better. I also don’t like Nesta holding that over Elain’s head either. But at least, having been in that mentally insecure place, I understand why she feels like Elain hasn’t been there for her, why she’s mad at Elain for not being there for her, even though she was the one rejecting Elain trying to be there. 

[kenmas-grease]

hey there!! uhh kinda emergency request but no pressure, take all the time you need and if you're uncomfy w/ writing it I completely understand :) I was wondering if you could do some comfort hc w/ terushima, oikawa, and bokuto for an insecure reader who's like chubby/medium sized. I've been having the hardest time with my insecurities and body confidence sooo yeah wbdjkejewj anywhooo I hope you're having a lovely day/night and taking care of yourself ʕ ᵔᴥᵔ ʔ

Ofc, love! 

~y/n with insecurities~

Featuring: Terushima, Oikawa, and Bokuto.

Warnings: issues with body image, insecurities

Genre: comfort/fluff

a/n- gender neutral

~

Terushima

Terushima Yūji is a very observant man.

He noticed the way that you would avert your eyes to the ground whenever going outside, avoiding the eyes of bystanders.

He noticed the way you would slowly distance yourself away from everyone.

He noticed the way you always tug at your shirt and pants.

He often knew if you had been feeling off and he noticed it now.

You two had a tradition on Saturdays to watch anime, sitting side by side on your bedroom wall.

Today was Saturday and you could feel the heat of his presence pressed firmly on your left side.

As the screen flashed to the opening credits, he turned towards you.

“Baby, what’s been on your mind lately?”

Your heart plummeted to your toes. This is the one topic you didn’t want to touch on today. Not when you are spending quality time.

“I...Can we just watch the show? We can talk about this later.”

“Princess, I’m always here for you.”

He took your hand in his and intertwined his fingers with yours, bringing your hand to his lips.

He pressed a kiss into your knuckles and kept your hands intertwined in yours.

As the episode came to an end, he started rubbing little circles into your hand with his thumb, and warmly smiled on you.

“I don’t want to force you into anything you’re not comfortable with. Take it at your own pace.”

“But it might be stupid.” You look down.

“Your emotions are valid. They will never be stupid in my eyes.”

That made you sigh and lid your eyelids.

Your hands were clammery as they gripped his.

He was there, right at hands reach. Offering his full support.

You opened your eyes and saw him warmly smile, the smile even reaching his eyes.

“Well I…..I don’t feel good about…..” you poured your heart out. He listened to you with such tentative eyes and ears. 

He would constantly squeeze your intertwined arms and at the end of your explanation he tugged you forward to place a kiss on your forehead.

“I love you so so much, baby, you’re the single most precious being to me. Is there anything I can do right now to help you feel better? A cuddle session?” he asked you.

“Just be there for me, please, and some cuddling sounds great right now.”

He laid down with you and started stroking your cheek.

He would whisper from time to time, “you’re so beautiful.” while he would pull you even closer. 

“Get up.” He suddenly spoke up.

Your eyes shot open at his seriousness.

He would always be spontaneous, always doing little surprises here and there.

You both awkwardly shuffled off the bed and went to your living room, where there was a vast, open space.

“Now, take both of my hands and lean back a tad bit.” he looks at you.

You do as you are told and when you lean back, he pulls you close, putting a hand on your hip and one holding your hand.

He starts leading the dance.

“Teru, we have no music on.” you point out as you cling to him.

He giggled as he started to hum a soft tune.

The rumble of his chest shot vibrations through you.

You just closed your eyes and reminisced in the slow movement of both your bodies.

~

Oikawa

The ground was covered in pink petals.

You look at Oikawa’s hand intertwined with yours.

You had a rough day at school, you two both had.

You two were sitting on a hill with cherry blossom trees all around you. It had been so peaceful, but you were feeling anxious.

“-Y/n, right?” He looked at you expectantly.

“I… I didn’t get that.” You looked at his face.

He picked up on your anxious face right away.

“Baby, what’s wrong.”

“Nothing.” you whisper.

“Look at me.” He squeezed your hand.

You slowly look at him through your eyelashes.

He always had a tendency to bite his lip whenever worried.

“Are you down?” 

You looked down and frowned.

A petal landed next to your hand.

“Yes…...I’m sorry” You whisper.

“Baby, there is nothing to be sorry about.” he squeezed your hand.

“But what if there is?” 

He looked at you with a questioning look.

He always would quirk his head to the side, looking absolutely confused.

“Those girls at school, am I as pretty as them?” You finally answer after a while.

Your chest was tight, you could feel your ragged breaths rack your body.

“Huh?” he deadpanned, “Baby, they don’t even stand a chance.”

Your eyes well up with unshed tears.

“But...I” You look down at yourself.

You weren’t like those fit girls, you told yourself.

“Listen to me, please. I love you for who you are, you understand me? Everything about you is a blessing on this earth. I don’t care if there are girls flocking me. I’ll always want you and only you. You are so beautiful.”

His eyes only shined in sincerity. He was so adamant that your chest ached.

You looked down and stared at your intertwined fingers hard.

“I’ll always be here beside you.”

You smile a little.

“Do you want to climb trees?” He blurted out.

“Why?”

“So I can go on top and tell everyone how beautiful you are.”

~

Bokuto

“Am I enough?” Your voice shakes.

Light poured out the open window and enveloped your skin.

Bokuto was sitting on the couch, typing away at the computer.

You had seen him work on a project for what seems like days now and he barely had time for you two to talk.

His eyes snapped to you.

You could see worry, guilt and sadness flash through them. They were so beautiful yet devastating.

As he began to close his laptop, you could see him frown.

“Love?” he bagan walking towards you.

“I’m…..sorry. Nevermind.” You try to retreat, but you’re stopped by a hand caressing your upper arm.

Bokuto was right there next to you with the same heartbreaking frown.

You opened your mouth but closed it right after, without any words coming to mind.

“I’m so sorry y/n, For whatever I did that makes you question yourself like that.” He started to trail both his hands up until they were cupping your cheeks.

You could see his eyes becoming a little glossy.

He would always cry when you said something like that, or when he felt you think badly about yourself.

It just broke him that you couldn’t see yourself as he saw you- this amazing person who came into his life at the perfect moment.

“Y/n you are enough. You are so perfect, that it aches. That day when you said yes to going out with me, I was over the moon.”

He kept on running his thumbs over your cheeks as you had your arms plastered by your side, fidgeting with your pant legs.

“You were there for me when even my friends refused to be. You were there to support me even though you had your hands full with your own problems. I’m really sorry if I made you feel like that. Was it the project?”

You shake your head, “I’m just a little insecure.”

“Aw baby” He whispered and brang you closer, looping his hands around your neck.

He smelled of mildew and lilacs, the softener he always used.

“I have a little surprise that I was working on other than my project. That’s why I was so absent.”

You untangled yourself from him with eyes blown wide.

“I just need you to sit right here for half an hour.” He picked up his keys and was out the front of the door.

You sat there, patiently waiting as you looked out the window at the landscape.

It was sunny outside, not a single cloud to be seen.

The same weather when he asked you out.

Keys jingled and Bokuto appeared.

He was exactly the same but he was holding something behind his back.

“Bo?” you question with squinted eyes.

You froze as you heard a little meow.

He has a cat. Behind his back.

“No you did not.”

“Yes I did.” He sheepishly smiled.

“No way.”

He brang out a box. It had holes in it and you could see little orange paws trying to claw out.

You carefully opened the box to see an orange tabby looking at you.

“This is why we barely had any time together?” You ask.

“Yes, I had to fill out some tenacious adoption paperwork.”

Your eyes well up with tears as you hugged the kitten close to your chest.

“I love you.” You let the words roll out of your mouth.

Bokuto immediately discarded the box and leaned down.

Closing the space between you two, his lips were on yours as he gave you a quick peck.

“What should we name our son?” He smiled down at the new family member.

~

Hey, I’m sorry this is so late!! My DMs are ALWAYS OPEN for u and anyone.

I luv u bbs!

[writingbakery]

Can I ask a question that you completely don't have to answer if it's uncomfy?? Do u have a method to keep yourself from harm? Because I haven't found any that work very well and if you have ways to overcome the urge or if it's just you're amazing mental strength? Again you don't have to answer if this is uncomfortable I completely understand it's a difficult topic and talking about it may not be what you need and that's completely valid. You're amazing and strong and I'm so proud of you💕💖

of course, bb anon ! please keep in mind that i’m in no way shape or form a licensed professional, these are just little ways i’ve managed to keep myself clean from s/h !

the ice cube method

take 1 ice cube & let it sit on your tongue, mouth closed. tell yourself that if you still have the urge once the ice cube melts, you can act on it. if the ice cube melts and the urge hasn’t gone away, repeat with another ice cube.

the walking method

stand in a space large enough to make a circle. carefully walk around in said circle, keeping your feet lined up back to front. for each step, take a deep, three second inhale & exhale. repeat until the urge subsides.

the anger method

take a pillow & a piece of paper. lay the paper over the pillow, and scribble over the paper as hard as you need to. it’s alright if the paper tears — the goal is to exhaust all your angry energy until the urge passes.

the transferral method

picture a character you absolutely despise. assign them to the little voice in your head telling you to s/h. the voice is much easier to ignore when you imagine it as someone you dislike, someone you don’t trust. mentally picture yourself flipping them off — it helps to ignore the urge until it fades away.

i hope these help you ! again, i’m not a professional, this is just how i’ve managed to stay clean !

[aro-ace-advice]

So I have this friend. We've never been *just* friends, but we never questioned our relationship. Well, after five years, I think I might be aroace, and I think that we've been in a qpr for at least half the time we've known each other, if not longer. The problem is, even though I've tried to gently bring it up, he shuts me down. I haven't tried very hard, bc Im scared, he can't be without a relationship for long so he's always dating someone. (I realized this is a long story so 1/idk 2 or 3 lol

So my friend has dated this girl from two years at this point, and she's always been a bit insecure about his and my relationship (I didn't know about the qpr thing until recent) but we've all been civil. Over the course of the two years, she's slowly drawn him away from me. If me and him hung out, she would drape herself over him so that it would be weird if I sat next to him, and we stopped hanging out nearly as much. It hurt, he kept choosing her over me, but she was his gf and I was not. 2/3 Last week, they cornered me together bc I was keeping a secret. I tried to tell them they didn't want to know, but they pressed untill I caved in. So I told them most of the truth. My friend has been lying to his gf and me, about a lot. Then I brought up the qpr thing, and both of them brushed it off like it meant nothing. It was even said to my face that he would always choose her over me. I don't want to lose the friendship. He's the only one I have left at the moment. So the question is 3/4 Do I break up with him? Can I even break up with him? We never established a relationship, and it's obvious who he choose. Is it okay that this feels like a betrayal? He ignored me for a week before telling me that not talking to me was the hardest thing he's ever done, but he's the reason we weren't talking in the first place! I completely understand if this isn't something you want to answer but I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this bc no one understands the aroace thing. 4/4

hello! that is a complicated and uncomfy situation you’ve got there, anon. i think it’s definitely valid that that feels like a betrayal to you. as a reminder, folks, friendships and qprs are not lesser than romantic relationships, just different. you should not be prioritizing your significant other over all of your other friends just because you’re in a romantic relationship. no one person can be your answer to everything, and it’s important to not rely on them and put them on a pedestal simply because they have the s/o title.

anon, i understand not wanting to lose a friend, especially when that friend is one of the only ones you have, but if someone is hurting you and one of your defenses of them / reasons you want to keep the relationship is because they’re all you have, that isn’t healthy. being lonely sucks ass, but it’s better than sticking with an unsatisfying or unequal relationship out of desperation. the whole thing about him ignoring you for a week and then coming back and saying how hard it was, seems at best to be careless of your feelings and at worst downright manipulative and an attempt to make you sympathize with him while he actively avoids you. not only that, but the fact that his girlfriend seems to be a direct influence on your relationship with him, while you don’t even seem to consider her a friend based off of what you’ve told me, raises some red flags. her insecurity is not your responsibility, and he should have done a better job at communicating with her to put her at ease or walked away from someone who seems to be unable to keep herself from meddling in his other relationships. since he’s done neither of those things and allows her to continue affecting your relationship with him, i would agree with you and say that his priority is definitely with her.

honestly, if you have a relationship of any kind in your life that has reached the point where you feel the need to ask other people for advice on whether or not you should keep it, you’ve probably already made your decision and you’re looking for a justification for it. whether or not you want to keep trying to fix it or leave it is always going to be completely your choice, but if it was me in your shoes, i’d be cutting contact with them both or at the very least slowing it down. they’ve repeatedly ignored and dismissed your sexuality and your attempts at communicating to fix the relationship, and it seems to me that you feel as if you no longer have any agency in the way things are with him at all. healthy relationships of any variety require listening and communication and a give and take that is acceptable and comfortable to all parties involved. if your needs aren’t being met and you’ve communicated this, but your partner(s) haven’t listened or made any attempt to fix this, the relationship isn’t healthy. in a healthy relationship, you should not be made to feel as if you are powerless in it. walking away is hard and not an easy decision, especially when it seems like if you do you’ll lose all you have, but if all you have is making you feel shitty, it might be time to do what you can to find something new. if you’re concerned about not being able to find new friends, my inbox is always open and i’m also happy to point you to plenty of resources online to meet some new friends!

and remember folks, romantic relationships are not inherently superior to a friendship or a qpr!

[psychiccupid]

hhhh i love chiyuta but the age gap worries both me and the writers i req from,, i mean i still ship it lots but im just kinda worried (mostly of getting judged tbh) and just hhhhhhhhhh

Nah- let’s fuckin’ talk about it because it’s getting on my fuckin’ nerves.

Like, if it makes ya uncomfy it makes you uncomfy- I’m not tryin’ to change it. But you mentioning this makes it the third time it’s come up already. And I’m heated about it.

So.

1. NO ONE IN DANGANRONPA HAS CANON AGES. Hiro is 21 -> 23. That’s fucking IT. No one else is given a clear, written down age. But- it’s very easy to assume all classes are 16 -> 18 throughout the series, so, ok, fine. Let’s go with that assumption.  

2. THE ONLY LISTED AGE FOR YUTA EVER IS ON THE TMNT X POKEMON WIKI??? And they say 14/15. Which, yeah, a 14 year old and an 18/19 year old dating would be weird. I’m not gonna fucking deny that at all! Can a five year difference happen way in the future when they’re both mature? Absolutely! But I understand that’s not what we’re talking about. 

2.5. BUT! Komaru is stated to be a year younger than Makoto on some sources - and two years younger than him on others. I base my age on Yuta around Komaru. So- when the THH cast is 18, she’s 17, and Yuta is 16. A two year, completely healthy age gap. You don’t see people having these issues with Tokomaru? ALSO- there’s nothing saying that Yuta isn’t the SAME AGE AS KOMARU? HE’D JUST BE SMALL LIKE HIYOKO TO NEKOMARU OR RYOMA TO GONTA LIKE????  

All of this to say- Yuta’s age is based on an assumption of Komaru’s age which is based off an assumption of Makoto’s age. Meaning he doesn’t have one. 

3. Literally every single ChiYuta thing that exists is so wholesome and cute save one line in my own chat fic where Junko makes a nsfw implication joke at them and MUKURO CALLS HER OUT FOR IT. Like, the people who ship this... are not in it to be weird about it???

BASICALLY all this to say- Yeah. It’s a ship with the potential to have a really unhealthy age gap if you fucking write it that way. JUST LIKE ANYTHING. There’s the people who say Saiou’s Toxic, and that’s just how they see it, and who am I to say their interpretation is wrong? Even if I disagree? Danganronpa doesn’t give you shit to work with. SO you gotta make it up.

... 

Bro if people cancel me or you over a potential 3 year age gap that happens often in real life ESPECIALLY DURING THE END OF THE WORLD OR A CRAZY STORY WITH SUCH WORSE SHIT LIKE DANGANRONPA like... ok cancel me? I saw two characters I thought were cute and I wanted to make a dynamic out of it. I promise their completely arbitrary ages didn’t once cross my mind when I decided to ship them? 

Yuta looks like you could place him in THH and he would fit right in next to them. He is literally the spitting image of Aoi - and totally looks like he could be 1-2 years younger than her. He also looks drastically older than the WOH who call him an adult. do you really think they’d consider a 14-15 year old an adult???  

I just looked it up, and it seems like there’s solid canon evidence that the WOH are all 11-12. So, do with that what you will. 

Again - if someone sees him as 14-15 I completely understand that! This isn’t to say that’s wrong! I’m just sayin’ you can’t attack someone over ages when,,, they don’t exist? Like - All of this is to just validate you and to say, if someone judges you for shipping this, then they need to take a step back. 

“What does it say about you that you’re ok shipping an age difference like that!?” It means that I’m comfortable shipping an age difference like that. And that I wouldn’t see it as grooming or any other buzzwords. 

“Well now that you know shipping it is wrong - stop shipping them!” Hmm, nah, I decided Yuta was 16 and that he n Chihiro were video game childhood besties to lovers. “That doesn’t go with canon!” Neither did DR3 or DRV3 but here we are~ 

[rosesloveletters]

🎫 here's a gush pass ^^ feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other selfshippers :D !!

I’ve been saving these for when I really needed to gush and that time is now upon us haha. I’m realizing now as I’m trying to type this that I am super bad at it; I’m going to use this one to talk about J, because I haven’t really opened up about him in a while. 

Also, please note that this is my own interpretation of my own relationship, so please be advised not to mention that in canon J is a ruthless, mass-murdering clown, because I know. I watched the movie :)

(this gif is GIANT but it gives me great pleasure watching him hop like that lmao)

By now, most of my followers and friends are well-aware that J is my main F/O and its been this way since last October (can’t believe one more month will be a year with him wtf?!) We’ve experienced so many changes and gone through so much together already; Pat edging his way into the middle of our relationship was one of the biggest, yet most positive changes we’ve had but I’ve got another one of these post opportunities saved for him ;) 

I think the thing I love the most about J is that he’s there and free of judgement any time I’m sick, suffering or totally and completely embarrassed over something. I won't bore or disgust anyone with the nasty details (mainly bc those are private moments and I’m not positing all my business online), but J takes charge in those moments and helps me through them. He doesn’t let my anxiety get out of hand and he doesn’t leave me to suffer in silence by myself. Sometimes all he needs to do is make his presence known and I’m able to cope just by feeling him there. I’m more aware of myself as a living, breathing soul because of him. Whenever something truly embarrassing happens to me, it’s nice feeling J there because with him there’s no judgement. He doesn’t care about a lot of things and doesn’t make a big deal out of them. Where some people might laugh or make me feel gross or inadequate, J doesn’t care. He doesn’t view certain scenarios the same way most people do. Being exposed to certain human emotions makes J rather calm because he doesn’t process them in the same way others do. J doesn’t actively take pleasure from other people’s misfortunes; he doesn’t think about it one way or the other. 

I can talk to J as bluntly as I need to and he doesn’t get upset or patronize me or give me any reason to believe my emotions aren’t valid. J is blunt himself and sometimes can be brutal in his delivery, but he doesn’t say words to hurt anyone, he just says what’s on his mind. Our relationship is open and honest because we can communicate on a wavelength that we both understand. We don’t have to speak “in code”, where we don’t really say what we mean and we have to imply what we want or need in underlying tones and phrases in the hopes that your partner understands you well enough to know what’s going on. No. J and I just...talk to each other. Not only are relationships build on trust, but also communication. It’s refreshing not having to read into what someone’s trying to tell you. J just says it. 

J lets me feel like the things I hold dear are worth their importance to me. He’s got a secret interest (and talent) for art so he likes to watch me draw or color, even if it ends up not being very good. He doesn’t make degrading comments about my interests or favorite shows, movies, books, etc. He doesn’t really bring these things up unless I mention them, but he listens. J is a good listener, even if he doesn’t act like he’s paying any attention. 

Some other things I hold as important about J:

He doesn’t make me feel bad for being a completely different person than him. 

He doesn’t force me into situations I am not okay with. J does like to push my limits and doesn’t care if I get a little uncomfy, but if its something he knows is beyond my limits he won’t go there. 

He’s very protective. I often have vivid nightmares (the most frequent scenario is a home invasion of some sort, followed by murder; not detailing this) and J puts my mind at ease from things like this. When I wake from something like this and I feel his presence, my fear melts away. 

He doesn’t exploit my weaknesses and use them against me. He could very easily do so, I mean...he’s the Joker. J gets bored with the usual reaction he gets from people and it shakes him up that I treat him like an actual person. He doesn’t like when people tell him he’s “crazy” and sometimes he’ll laugh about it while other times he just wants to be taken seriously. He wants to be listened to and communicated with. His ideas are so out there that most people who listen to him talk for more than five minutes decide they want nothing to do with him, but I just let him talk; His words are beyond the point of scaring me. 

He let me meet the man beneath the mask: Jack. The man he was before he became the Joker died long before I met him, but there’s still scraps beneath the surface. He’s human. He’s a person and he has thoughts and needs and ideas and goals. J and Jack go hand in hand and I won’t have one without the other. An outside eye couldn’t detect one for the other anymore but now that I know him, I can see him. Most of the time he gets pissed off if I call him Jack, so I usually only refer to him as J because he likes that. The other unfortunate situation we find ourselves in is that his name is Jack and my name is Rose and we both dislike the movie titanic lmao.

Most of my relationship with J is very private because I feel it needs to be this way. It means more to me that way and I feel I am able to connect with him more (and with myself) if I hold it close to my heart and not try to document every single tiny detail I can. I’ve done this in the past with other characters and they’ve lost their luster because I was too concerned with making it a show than with making it mean something to me. J means something to me and he is special in ways only I will know about, but I love him. I love that I feel so deeply for him and that I am able to be not who he wants me to be, but who I want to be and he is more than happy to stand back and watch. 

[yibuo]

love your hot takes! was wondering if you could give your two cents on shipping/rpf in relation to idol culture, how more often than not these pairings are subtly if not overtly used as a marketing tool etc. I’m all for freedom of expression / fandom consumption as long as the fourth wall is respected but given recent developments in c-ent I feel like we’re treading on thinner and thinner ice....

EDIT you asked for my two cents and i gave u my entire bank account. nice

ok i wasn’t sure how to answer this tbh without possibly getting attacked but i have a pretty strong opinion of rpf/shipping and how people take it to the extremes and i talked to oomf who validated me so here i go

tldr i mean people can take part in shipping/rpf if they want to and if they keep it lowkey but there’s a boundary as to how far shipping/rpf can go and there are too many instances of where people insert rpf/shipping in places that are unacceptable and this goes for all real ppl pairings 

i’m not meaning to offend anyone, and in no way are my opinions discriminatory, but also, if you’re someone who’s gonna make HUGE stretches regarding to celebrities and push your favorite ships in totally unrelated things, maybe you should step back and think about how your actions can affect your favorite people

and i’m totally stealing this from oomf, but here’s a thought:  if you ask yourself  'if i met this person irl, would i feel embarassed if they looked me in the eyes and i read this out loud to them' and if the answer is 'i would look like a pervert stalker' then like........maybe don't do what you’re doing?  

pls respect ur faves is all n don’t make them uncomfortable ! ! and also pls don’t fetishize same sex relationships !

anyway

ok so let me start by saying i’m a seventeen stan and when i was 15-16 y/o i shipped svt members, read rpf, etc, but never really was into overanalyzing every touch or gaze. i obviously enjoyed my favorite pairings interact and i read romantic fics about them. i wasn’t really into reading smut because for me, personally, fics using the members’ names and personalities even in au kinda made smut feel like visualizing the members in a sexual context and i felt like i was crossing a fan boundary, like, would my idol be comfortable with me seeing them in a sexual context with another member they tell us they consider as friends/brothers/sisters? or just in general, would they be comfortable with me thinking of them sexually? but hey, if it was a good fic i would just skip over the smut because good fics are good fics. now idk if it’s because i’m older, or other changes? i don’t really do romantic shipping or read rpf, i stick to reading fics about fictional characters because that’s what makes me comfortable (like if i ever rb two members’ interactions on my main, i stick to just tagging the members instead of their ship name, same goes on here for real people) and i still very much am uncomfortable w/ real people smut literature and art, but that’s just me

ok you see shipping a lot in idol culture because idols are in groups and members spend a good 90% of their time together, so whatever cute interactions you see  kinda lead to people shipping two (or more ig) members. i never really thought about idol shipping culture from a marketing perspective, so i asked some of my friends, and one of them made a really good point about how some ships are more popular than others, and these interactions on shows and stuff might be a strategic/marketing tactic to lure in new fans because of the “ships” being cute. i don’t know how true this actually is, but it kinda made sense. for example, in svt, mingyu x wonwoo is a super popular ship, compared to ships like the8 x vernon which no one ever talks about, even though we know that all the members love each other equally and wholeheartedly. so yeah, there probably is a subtle pushing of certain ships in order to gain momentum in attracting more fans to the group

also i’m gonna be using wonwoo and mingyu as examples but i’m not targetting anyone or anything, just hypothetical situations w/ an idol ship that i noticed to affect the members because how out-of-control SOME stans are

so as i said in my tldr, i don’t really mind romantic shipping, as long as it’s 1) lowkey 2) not pushed in places that it doesn’t belong and 3) not mentioned among the members

keeping it lowkey- pushing ships in everyone’s faces gets annoying. sometimes fans just want to enjoy idols’ content as they give it to us and frankly, it’s a little offputting when you’re trying to watch something or enjoy something and hoards of fans are fangirling over a gaze or a touch between 2 members. keep it on your private acct, or in a group chat, not in the youtube comment section of the video. but still, men and women are allowed to touch each other and show affection without it being romantic, and i feel like shipping culture kinda invalidates the platonic relationship. like unless a pairing is confirmed to be dating, why even bother with overanalyzing these gazes or touches. and no, it’s not homophobic for non-rpf fans to be annoyed, because sometimes fans just want to see the members as they portray themselves to be rather than finding a deeper (and unconfirmed) meaning behind every small thing. fans being like “bro it’s just the touch of two hands it’s not that deep” is not the same thing as fans going “ewww i’m’ not supporting them if they’re not straight” . and sometimes i feel like people try to twist non-rpfers words and call them homophobic if they’re not for shipping when sometimes people don’t wanna romantically visualize 2 people if they’re an unconfirmed couple. how can you use lgbt struggles, which is an issue in society, to fight against people who simply don’t do rpf?? how are you use that as a weapon and for what ??? (also a good amount of people who do this are lgbt fetishizers who aren’t lgbt themselves bye i said it) why can’t we all jus be friends dudes

ok but if you’re against your idols dating someone of the same gender, that’s homophobic and you needa get that checked

but that’s different from treating two members as friends rather than bfs

but this being lowkey concept applies to any pairing, straight or gay, just keep it lowkey dudes. (like for ex we see yibo and meng meiqi shippers, which also doesn’t make sense to me because it’s based off of literal crumbs but ok) it’s ok to be rpfer or non-rpfer as long as you’re respecting the idols and keeping their best interests in mind

respect ur faves pls

not pushed in places that it doesn’t belong- people need to stop bringing up ships and pairings in randomass places. for example, if wonwoo is doing a interview, with mingyu being nowhere in sight, and he’s talking about his hobbies and interests without ever mentioning mingyu, what’s the need to bring up mingyu?? people do it and it’s so... weird? like wonwoo can do things without being constantly associated mingyu? one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when shippers make these ships such a HUGE part of a members’ identitiy, when the members are doing so much w/ their lives? like no, not every move wonwoo makes, and every breath he takes is related to mingyu, but people still wanna have the audacity to mention mingyu in something completely unrelated? what’s your point?

RESPECT UR FAVES

not mentioned among the members in an uncomfy manner- like if you’re interacting with a real person, why are you gonna bring up a ship they’re included in when you have so many other things to talk about?? like ok it’s one thing to ask someone on a livestream “hey this event you guys did on xxxx show was funny, what’s the tea behind that” but it’s not okay to just mention a ship with no relation and no context to the situation. again, this counts as rpf-ers and shippers attributing a single ship to an idol’s identity much more than what it actually counts as. no, wonwoo is not 70% made of mingyu lover and vice versa. we actually saw this between mingyu and wonwoo as people kept pushing meanie (the ship) to their faces, and we saw (and  still see) a much more decreased amount of interaction between them compared to them predebut, because shippers couldn’t stay in their lane. so yes, out-of-control shipping DOES affect idols and can be harmful to their relationships if you don’t control it

^ so y’all see why i feel so strongly about this, because it literally can affect these idols’ relationships on screen

JUST RESPECT UR FAVES

again, this applies for any pairing of any sexuality, i’m just using wonwoo x mingyu as an example because it’s something i saw when i was into rpf. i love both mingyu and wonwoo and they are wholesome together. i have friends who ship them and i’m completely ok with that because they do it without posing any harm to the members, but some people just need to take a chill pill and a seat and calm down ????

so i completely understand that shipping/rpf serves as a creative outlet for lgbt+ folks and that’s completely fine, inspiration, love, cool cool cool. just don’t be so pushy about small interactions especially directly to idols. and as for rpf-ers, don’t let rpf give you a reason to start fetishizing same-sex relationships, that shits weird and problematic...pls

again, if you ask yourself  'if i met this person irl, would i feel embarassed if they looked me in the eyes and i read this out loud to them' and if the answer is 'i would look like a pervert stalker' then like........maybe don't do what you’re doing?  

lol so this is why i’m much more comfortable w/ fictional shipping, because these people don’t exist in the real world and don’t have actual lives and relationships to protect 

just respect ur faves omg and we’ll be fine

“given recent developments in c-ent” and me being a yibo stan and you sending me this strongly leads me to believe you’re referring to out of control bjyx cpf (yizhan shippers)  LOL

i don’t follow much c-ent besides xnine, uniq, r1se, and sometimes unine and the nine percent members, and honestly im not too into the fan culture so i dont follow ships there? so i’ll focus on. this ship

to be completely honest, shipping for idol groups makes some sense to me because idol group members are with each other most of the time, that’s literally their job

shipping actors who haven’t confirmed that they’re dating/no proof doesn’t really make sense to me at all--they work on one project together, and they’re off to their next., with or without each other . we don’t know if they keep in contact every day, much less if they’re into each other, but each to their own! my opinions and takes aren’t perfect and as long as you’re respecting your faves, it is ok~

ok so i’ll start of with saying: obviously, i love yibo. i love xiao zhan. they’re cute nd wholesome and evidently had good times together and learned a lot from each other regarding acting and being in the industry and just developing as people together. good for them, we love character development. amazing

is pushing bjyx a marketing tactic? most definitely yeah by tencent thanks tencent. i think you can see this through the amount of bts videos there are with just bjyx in comparison to other bts videos/interviews, even though there are many more important characters apart from wwx and lwj in cql, we don’t see as much side cast interactions as bjyx, and if we do, there aren’t that many w/ other cast members and yibo and xiao zhan?? relatively speaking

so yeah i think pushing this yibo x xiao zhan thing definitely was a tactic to further the momentum that wangxian was already having to attract stans, and it worked. like i LOVE watching yibo and xiao zhan bts videos because they are two goofs. love them. love my boys. love their camaraderie. and if people wanna ship, then go ship. cool! just be casual pls

i think where this becomes a problem is when people start projecting wangxian’s relationship onto yibo and xiao zhan because...the latter are real people. yibo and xiao zhan =/= wangxian !!!!!! (ok first of all yibo is a gremlin how can he be the wang in wangxian in real life)  what wyb and xz show us in videos is nowhere near what wangxian is hJKNDJNWD and i see so many people just equate the two pairings...nooo... and combining everything mxtx writes about wangxian in the novel and projecting that onto wyb and xz...i don’t think that’s the move dudes they have their own lives they’re not wangxian

my BIGGEST pet peeve is when people wholly credit wyb’s development as an actor and as a person to xz and vice versa. i cannot tell you how many times i see posts saying “wyb brought xz out of his shell” and vice versa and things like “xz looks like he’s having much more fun than he is when he’s with xnine, they’re soulmates” and etc

both wyb and xz have had years of industry experience before getting to know each other. they’ve gone through some of the lowest points of their careers before even getting to know each other well, and they’ve both found Their People in the industry before finding each other. to say that wyb brought xz out of his shell in a summer’s worth of filming based on some bts videos is just so unfair to the bonds xz has made with his other colleagues and xnine  members and the accomplishments he’s had before cql. same with wyb and his career prior to cql. and his uniq members, his ttxs bros, and all his other colleagues. these 2 have gone through some shit with their idol groups and it’s just not fair for cpfs to erase the significance of their career prior to cql to support and find a leverage for their shipping. i’m not saying all cpfs do this, but there is  a Good Amount That Do and it pisses fans like me off

they are not each others saviours bye

also  “xz looks like he’s having much more fun than he is when he’s with xnine, they’re soulmates”, if you guys ever watch xnine videos, you’ll know that xnine is Loud. with members like wu jiacheng and peng chuyue being so loud and extroverted, it kinda makes xiao zhan relatively quieter. but he’s still a gremlin and troublemaker and it’s not like he isn’t having fun. he’s just louder w/ yibo because yibo is more introverted than xz. relationship dynamics are relative to the relationship cmon people !!!! this is basic knowledge !!!! anyway that was a side tangent but ya

but ya my point is, wyb and xz have their own careers and they’re doing their own things now, and it’s unnecessary to bring up xz in an unrelated wyb post/article and vice versa, and it’s just so so unnecessary to link them in everything??? like i heard that cpfs prevented xz from keeping his nomination for an award because yibo wasn’t nominated so xz lost the nomination ./rolls eyes

anyway my point being, if you wanna ship them then go ahead! just do it normally and don’t bring up the ship in unrelated places (like other dramas, tv shows, etc where they’re not together), don’t spam them with bjyx related things, don’t make weird stretches/connections?? the other day on twt i saw a twt about uniq wenhan’s drama, where he was being referred to as xiao zhan (little zhan) in the drama (different  “xiao” and “zhan” characters than actor xz’s name) and i saw cpfs go “omg theYRE CALLING HIM XIAO ZHAN??? IS THIS FATE OR” like no it isnt maam it’s just a name stop reaching

ANYWAY UNNECESSARY SIDE RANTS BUT MY MAIN POINT is that people are allowed to be shippers and take part in rpf, but don’t make their identities “____’s lover”, don’t look past their current and past achievements for the sake of your ship, don’t erase their relationships with other people for the sake of your ship, stop bringing your ship into things that are only related to one person/aren’t related to your ship, stop saying creepy things about your ship (if you think the ship people would be uncomfrotable with what you say about them you probably shouldn’t be saying it)

just. respect ur faves pls no matter who they’re with ...just respect them ty

stan yibo stan xiao zhan stan uniq stan xnine

comment ur fav yibo and xiao zhan moment below

like comment subscibe

ok bye mic drop 

[giranswife]

Alright so I figured I’d make a small little info post that I’ll add to my byf and stuff whenever I finish making my carrd but,, here’s some little things for people to keep in mind when following and interacting with my content

Even though I am not posting nsfw or extremely suggestive content on this blog, there are ships that are more mature leaning whether that be bc of lore, storyline, relationship progression, or just the ship content itself.

I will always make sure that these are tagged for anyone to blacklist if need be. Whether that be the ship tag itself or my suggestive and lemon tags specifically for more implied posts. Please make sure to check my byf page in my description for access to those tags for those that are uncomfy/need to blacklist.

If there’s anything that you need tagged that I haven’t already in the past please please inbox me. I’m sorry for the inconvenience of having anon off (I’ve received hate in the past and honestly I’m too terrified to turn it back on so I apologize greatly for my shy lovelies) but your comfortablility is important to me. It takes me no time to tag something for you and I’m happy to do it.

I’m bisexual with a more male leaning preference but that doesn’t erase my sexuality. Also know that I will not tolerate any biphobia, homophobia, transphobia, etc. I will block on sight (and this goes for any other hate and bigotry as well racists get the fuck off my page) this is a safe and positive space for everyone.

A lot of my ships are with much older f/o’s than me, and if this makes you uncomfy I totally understand. Just keep in mind that I’m an adult, my inserts are adults, and they are adults. But I still understand if someone needs to blacklist my f/o tags for these ships, which is why I stress to please use it for your comfort ability.

This blog is discourse free and will stay that way. It makes me very anxious and I will probably be on and off hiatus whenever it happens to keep myself safe. That means that I will not be actively engaging in any discourse, whether I agree with it or not. And I’d appreciate it if mutuals please tag it for me to blacklist. This goes for any kind of discourse.

All and all, I want those following me to feel comfortable and my mutuals to feel heard. Any way that I can help to make things easier for you, just please keep in mind that this is my blog at the end of the day. I won’t stop posting things that make me happy, but I will constantly be making sure that it’s easy for those who would rather not see it to avoid it. As I completely understand and that’s entirely valid. As is my happiness as well.

I love you all, thank you sm for reading 💜

[kilibaggins]

not to acknowledge that last anon, but what DO you think about murphy killing himself to be with emori (and jackson and miller helping a healthy murphy do so)? personally, it was the final nail in the coffin (pun? not intended) for me tolerating them. i see the relationship as so one sided-ly codependent already, so having murphy do /that/ made me sick. i would have wanted mind space emori to stick to her guns and tell him to survive, not just shrug it off and have sex until he dies. so uncomfy.

I definitely get that. Your opinion is 100% valid on this.

At the time, I didn't see it that way. For some reason it took me a bit to realise that... Murphy ACTUALLY killed himself. He made the decision to die, and did it.

It breaks my heart more than it makes me sick. It makes me feel so sad that he'd feel that strongly about Emori that he'd do that. It makes me sad that he was that desperate to not be alone that he'd kill himself. It's painful.

I'm not upset at Miller and Jackson. I understood. Miller tells Jackson he'd do anything to see Jackson again, and I support them. It's sad to one that Miller would also make this decision if the roles were all switched, but its what happened. I'm not upset at them for helping Murphy.

I can definitely understand why it would make you feel sick. Murphy being completely willing to die just to be with Emori even when he was so afraid of going to hell a season before is a very upsetting thing.

I feel like it made Sense, sadly. Murphy doing this made Sense to me. He never wanted to be alone. Ever since season 2 when he talked to Raven and said he didn't want to be alone, he's been showing that. He's seen what it's like to be alone. He was locked in the lighthouse Bunker for weeks. (idk exactly how long? I forgot.) He doesn't ant to be alone. He finally found someone who stayed. Who loved him and cared for him. He didn't ant to be alone, and away from her, so he made the choice to kill himself to do that.

It's not pretty. Killing himself is not pretty, and I'm happy people are talking about it more. Suicide is a huge problem, as someone who deals with those thoughts before I know. I think Emori and others would have to talk to him about his decision. Talk to him about ow he can't make those decisions.

After watching it and actually coming to the realization that e killed himself, it made sense in a sad way. Like I said before, he never wanted to be alone. But also... He's had mental health issues through the whole show. He's been show tortured, abused, raped, etc. These are things that would leave a last affect(effect???) On him, and I'm 99%sure it did even if it wasn't shown. I don't think killing himself only had to do with Emori. I think if these other things hadn't had happened to him in his life, he would have been less likely to kill himself. I feel like everything piled on to him, and he (and the show) used the reason of Emori instead of focusing on all of the mental health stuff.

See Hate Anon, THIS is how you talk about things. You don't just say statements and then not talk about them more, and insult someone. You ask them how they feel about it. You have discussions. I love these types of asks because they help me understand my own thoughts better too.

[thecorteztwins]

ALT-MARAUDERS THINGS

Haven’s FACE when she finds out about the sexual aspect of the Hellfire Club though. I know you’re going “duh, Haven!” but actually the saucy side of the HFC isn’t very well-known to people outside it. The majority of the HFC is just a social club for super duper rich people, and while they CAN access the sex club underside, I doubt all of them do, and it’s certainly not something everyone is talking about at the stuffy galas and balls and so on. Which she’s been to for roping other rich people into charity projects. But that never involved...actual ropes. I’m just picturing her totally BLUESCREENING, like total Error 404 when she sees something scandalous S&M, and then this very, very quiet “Oh.” *** Pyro writes Sebastian Shaw into his books as a total strawman villain and emphasizes how ugly he is, yet somehow the Shaw-insert still gets fangirls. *** Madelyne and Claudine’s dynamic is not in a good place after Madelyne finds out about Alice but my endgame is to bring them back from that. When they do, they share clothes a lot. *** Claudine still has that HUGE COWBOY HAT and wears it all the time, it keeps the sun off her delicate skin! *** Claudine and Shinobi arguing about the ending of Titanic and Shinobi INSISTING there was room on the door for them both, Claudine explaining it’s not about room it’s about BUYOUNCY. Shinobi and Pyro end up getting on a door in the water (because Claudine is not doing that shit herself but Pyro is always down for asshattery) so she can prove it would sink with two people. The door came from Shaw’s room. He does not let Pyro and Shinobi back on the boat. *** Lots of sea life following the boat for scraps or just because they find it interesting! It turns out that Claudine knows a TON about marine animals, raising yet more questions about just who she used to be. Haven and Madelyne are both really interested to hear about it. Haven because she doesn’t know much about animals, so finding out how compassionate and aware a lot of them are (such as how humpback whales will save other animals from orcas) is just amazing to her, she loves learning how that exists in the animal world. Madelyne because, daredevil adventurer that she is, she loves scuba diving and snorkeling, and Claudine can tell her what animals it is she’s looking at down there since she doesn’t know a blue blanquillo from a goldenstriped soapfish. Shinobi absolutely dumps booze in the water when some dolphins come over and thinks he’s doing the animals a favor til Pyro stops him. *** Shin, Pyro, Maddie, and Claudine using their powers (and Claudine’s white skin) to make mutant-haters think their base is haunted. *** Haven is not a psychic but she can feel Shinobi's tension when his father's voice changes even slightly and she cannot KNOW but she SUSPECTS enough to place her body subtly between theirs in the room in such a way it doesn't seem obvious she did it on purpose but now there is a very tall barrier between Sebastian and his son. *** Sebastian has to straight up hold Maddie back from PUNCHING SOMEONE at some point. Like she’s not even gonna use her powers SHE’S JUST GOING TO PHYSICALLY WRECK THEM WITH HER OWN TWO HANDS. Even Sebastian looks mildly terrified as he restrains her. *** Maddie and Claudine tagging along with Shinobi to visit Harry Leland. They love him. They also pick up that he and Sebastian were DEFINITELY fucking and probably still are, something Shinobi is clearly OBLIVIOUS to. Claudine and Maddie also immediately know what’s up with Pyro and Dom too, not that they’re hiding it at all. *** Sebastian carrying unconscious Pyro, Pyro wakes up and bites his ear, gets yeeted. *** Manon: “You have a diminished emotional  capacity, did you know that Mr. Shaw? You don't feel as much as other  people. You don't feel a lot that isn't just being mad at all. But you  can love. I know because if you couldn't I wouldn't be able to find it.  But it's in there. Who did you love, Mr. Shaw?” AND THEN THE OTHERS HAVE TO INTERVENE BEFORE SHAW BEATS THE CRAP OUT OF THIS KID *** Pyro making fire to entertain kids, kids freaking love fire, or illustrating Haven’s stories for them with it, like fire dragons and demon kings and princesses all made out of flames while she talks *** Sebastian working tirelessly on  something, Haven urging him to rest, him saying he's fine, her putting hand to his forehead. He grabs her wrist,  tells her to cease, that her coddling may endear you to Shinobi and Allerdyce but it does nothing to HIM  except annoyance! She tells him he’s worth less if you do not work all the time, but leaves him alone after. He wakes up with a blanket on his shoulders. *** Madelyne rediscovering her healing powers as Anodyne when she heals Haven, Haven thinks it’s wonderful at first but Maddie is like no you don’t understand where it comes from. And she explains and she’s so scared she’s being used again and Haven absolutely validates her fears, she doesn’t dismiss them, but she tells Maddie THIS time she has friends on her side. Pyro secretly is glad/relieved because it means Maddie can heal him if he ever gets sick again, because now even a cold really messes with his mind, and he feels bad for thinking this so of course he doesn’t SAY it. Shinobi, of course, just says hey can you fix my hangover? And Maddie is like there’s no fixing you kiddo. *** Shinobi crying to Pyro about how he thinks Mindmeld is fucking his dad. Pyro is appalled, not because he thinks Mindmeld owes Shinobi anything, but because EW WHO WOULD DO THAT WILLINGLY WHAT IS HE PAYING HER?! *** There’s no overarching plot, as obvious, just lots of interactions, but there’s Adventures of the Month where they run into other characters and factions I like---the Hellions, the London Branch of the HFC, the Serpent Society and BAD Girls, Force of Nature, The Winter Guard, the former Brotherhood members, and the Inhumans, to name a few. *** It does come up that Haven and Lourdes used to be friends and eventually Sebastian just says he knows Haven is wondering why he hasn’t resurrected her. Haven confirms she was, but also says it’s his business. Shaw says she’s right. *** Claudine brings up how odd it is Haven is so perceptive about everything BUT being flirted with. Because of course Claudine notices that, Claudine is the one who notices how much Haven notices. Sebastian flatly says “obviously she doesn’t like sex” and the silence in the room is so goddamn awkward that Claudine completely drops it but actually HE’S RIGHT Haven is someone whose culture and past and the consequences she suffered for having sex JUST ONCE means yeah she’s pretty uncomfy with the idea of it directed at her so she just self-censors her own perceptions. She’s also just...not expecting it at all from other women, because she comes from such a heteronormative background, like she’s in no way bigoted but lesbianism is kinda ‘invisible’ to her even more so than male homosexuality, so like...yeah a woman has to get WAY past mere innuendo for Haven to “get it”. *** Pyro visiting all his old haunts in Australia and Southeast Asia and kind of sad at how much has changed. Reconnects with his grandmother, and finds out at last what really happened, based around @sammysdewysensitiveeyes‘s EXCELLENT HEADCANON FOR HIS BACKSTORY

*** Madelyne bitterly quotes Dolores Clairborne that “Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has left” and Haven saying  “maybe some women but today I saw you {heroic-ass thing here) and (awesome thing here) and (super cool badass mcgoodguy thing here)” and Pyro being like “I love you Madelyne but don’t you dare call MY FRIEND a bitch 8)”

*** Haven just...touches everyone else’s hands or faces tenderly a lot. But the one time she does it to Sebastian he’s like

[sky-girls]

Driving Me Wild

Well this is it! The ending I hope you guys enjoy it

The Physical Way

She knows what’s coming, she remembers what’s coming, but she has no idea what to expect out of it. She just knows this. She is not ready.

She doesn’t have to remind Matteo this week that he is supposed to teach her a new way of flirting he actually reminds her, he appears on saturday with a grin on his face and a glint in his eyes and she is confused for a second because she is sure she didn’t tell him to hang out today much less study so she has no idea why he is here.

Her mom is delighted though.

“Matteo.” She exclaims happy when she opens the door and Luna chokes a little on her breakfast. “What are you doing here?”

She has the same question for him actually but he just grins bigger and casual kissing her mother’s cheek and walking inside of the kitchen like he belongs here.

“I came to see Luna.” He answers obviously. “I wanted to hang out.”

“Why?” Luna asks with a mouthful of cereal and her mom sends her a disapproving look,her dad laughs and Matteo laughs even harder.

She pouts at him when she can and he kisses her forehead as a hi before shaking his dad’s hand.

“Because you are my friend?” He asks amused sitting next to her. “And I enjoy your company?”

“Valid.” She says pointing her spoon at him. “But still weird.”

“Why?”

“Because you didn't let me know.” She tells him and Matteo shrugs as a cup of tea miraculously appears in front of Matteo by her mother’s hand.

“Well I just felt like coming by but if you don’t want to see me I can go.” He tells her. “After this amazing tea of course, thanks very much by the way Mónica.”

Her mom smiles at him and Luna rolls her eyes shaking her head.

“Of course you can stay, you dork.” Luna tells him and ignores how her mom subtly makes her dad stand up and leave the kitchen.

“You don’t seem convinced.” He says pouting and she just sighs and keeps eating her cereal with a done face. “Anyway, we need to talk.”

“That doesn’t seem ominous at all.” Luna tells him.

“It’s about the flirting thing.” He tells her. “I’m not gonna tell you something bad.”

“Okay, what about it?” She asks him getting slightly uncomfy and moving to sit crossed legged on the chair facing him.

“It’s the last week.” He says and Luna just nods. “It means we are going for the final way.”

“That I had figured.”

“This way will make you uncomfortable.” He warns her.

“Unlike how much I loved all the others?” She asks and he rolls his eyes.

“It’s the physical way.” He tells her and she just nods. “In this way it’s all about touching people,making them feel wanted and desired and comfortable too.”

“How?” She asks confused,all of these methods are always so much more than what she expected.

“Well you know there are different kind of touches, right?” She just nods again. “So you have these that are nice and sweet and comforting and then there are those made to make the other person all hot and bothered and frustrated.”

“So which one are we doing?”She asks not being able to avoid the blush on her cheeks.

“Both of course.” He tells her with a wink. “But I will show you tomorrow, now let’s go to your room and watch some dumb movie.”

She follows him of course she does but she is shaking inside,she doesnt know what to expect from tomorrow and she doesn't know how she will survive it.

Day 1

She can’t find Matteo, she has no idea why because she texted him exactly where he was in the cafeteria but she still doesn’t see him,the morning bell announcing the beginning of school will start soon and she is really just considering going to the classroom. She looks around once more with a sigh and before she can turn around to leave two strong arms are wrapped around her and some soft soft lips kiss her cheek loudly. She jumps a little but she knows who it is of course she does, she could recognize Matteo everywhere no matter if she is not looking at him.

“Hi.” She says a little unsure looking up to him still on his embrace. “This is new.”

“This is for demonstration purposes.” He says but still doesn’t let go, she looks at him confused and he just smiles. “Remember how we talked there are two kind of touches? I’m going to show you one of them today,the one you will be more comfy with.”

“You will show me?” She asks and he just nods.

“This is something you know but there are

tiny things you don’t do that give it the extra feeling that it’s not that you are just a touchy person.”

“Like what?”

“I will let you figure that out.” He says in a deep very amused voice and she has no idea how she will ever survive this day.

⭐

She was right to be concerned for her mental health because at the end of this day she is a mess a very big one,he has hugged her and touched her so much she can smell his perfume more than hers on her skin. She seems to be surrounded by Matteo all of the time, even when he is not there and by the time she gets home she can barely stand properly.

The worst part is that he is still,physically, with her. She just can’t shake him away, not that she wants to but well having a little space to think and breath wouldn’t be a bad thing at all.

He says hi to her parents without letting go if her hand and as they sit and talk he keeps her close,playing with her hair and her fingers and kissing her knuckles. All she has noticed so far about this way is that it involves a lot of casual kissing, in the cheeks,on the forehead, on her hands,there’s also something different on it,some kind of further intention like he always wants to be touching her more but she doesn't know how she could possibly convey this to someone. If he doesn't feel it already there’s no way he will feel it now.

After a while he leaves saying his goodbyes as charming as always and leaving her with a kiss on the forehead as he puts a strand of her hair behind her ear,his fingers linger for a second,two,three, on her neck but then he pulls away casually like nothing ever happened.

“So what’s the deal with that Matteo?” Her dad asks and Luna frowns.

“You have known him for long.” She answers confused. “You should know what his deal is by now.”

“I think,sweetie.”Her mom intervenes from the sink where she is doing the dishes. “That your dad here wants to know what’s the deal with you two.”

“What do you mean?” Luna asks turning to her. “We are friends.”

“Has anyone told him that?” Her father asks at the same time her mom gives her a soft smile.

“Are you sure,honey?” She asks after a while and Luna shakes her head lost and startled by the questions.

“Of course I’m sure.” She tells them forcefully. Maybe too forcefully because they don’t seem to believe her at all. But at least they drop the topic.

Day 2

As morning comes and she walks around the school looking for Matteo she is not really worried about if she can manage this day but about if she can survive it.

She can be touchy, she can kiss his cheek and knuckles and play with his hair and hug him but a part of her is so scared that if she lets herself to all of this with Matteo she will want more.

She will want more of him and if in the end this doesn’t work or if she doesn’t get the courage to do it she won’t be able to go back to normal, that she will miss having him like this so much it will hurt, she has learned in life that there’s nothing worse than wanting something you once had but don’t anymore. And she doesn’t want Matteo to be this for her so she needs to get a grip,get some self control or finally have the bravery to tell him how she feels. The later won’t happen any soon so she is hoping for the first to magically appear.

He is waiting for her outside of the school, standing up against a wall as he usually is, she shivers and it has nothing to do with the cold air that’s filling the morning.

She takes a deep breath and goes to him,he is looking at his phone so she can sneak under his arms and hug him by surprise, she tries to kiss his cheek too but without his help she can only reach his jaw so it will have to do.

Unlike her yesterday he doesn't seem any surprised, his arms go around her immediately, she can’t stop the sigh that slips out of her lips.

“Good morning, chico fresa.” She says hiding on his chest  and he doesn't seem to mind at all.

“Good morning, delivery girl.” He says in such a soft, sweet voice she is curious to see what his eyes look like,in the end she doesn’t dare,too scared what they might do to her so she stays safe, all pressed up against him.

“How are you?” She asks, her voice muffled by his school vest.

“Well now amazing,of course.” He tells her and she is sure he can feel the heat if her cheeks even under all his clothes. “How are you?”

“Sleepy.” She mumbles before hugging him tighter. “And very,very warm.”

“Don’t go falling asleep on me,Cucciola.” He pokes her softly on the ribs and she pulls away with a pout. “We have class now.”

“I don't wanna class.” She says hugging him again. “I wanna stay here forever.”

She lets herself kiss his collarbone softly, through his shirt and he tenses. Maybe this was too much,maybe he didn't like it, maybe he doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of her being like this and is now regretting this whole thing.

“At least we have friday off, so don’t complain too much.” He tells her and she hadn't realized how tense she was until he starts softly caressing her arm up and down and she relaxes completely.

⭐

Later they are in the cafeteria, eating with their friends and everyone is sending them weird looks. She has avoided being alone with the girls lately, knowing they will bombard her with question she is not ready to answer not to them.

Those three are way too over invested in her life and there are many times when she doesn’t appreciate it, but this time she can’t blame them. She can’t blame anyone.

Matteo and her have been, touchy, very touchy and between yesterday with him all over her and today being the other way around she can’t say she doesn’t understand the knowing looks their friends send each other as she kisses Matteo’s hair and sits so close to him she is almost on her lap.

She also can’t blame how all their eyes go to their joined hands as soon as she intertwines her fingers and how Ramiro’s eyebrows raise so high they almost hide behind his curls when she rests their hands on Matteo’s thigh and her head on his shoulder.

She knows no one will dare to directly question them about what’s happening, and she knows that no one will do it with the other here so she lets herself relax and Matteo seems to have no problems at all as he grins at her.

He is saying something but she can’t focus on him because she is too busy thinking of him. That thing she did in front of his parents is still not out of her mind, the way he fixes her hair behind her ear, how his fingers brushed against her skin, it all left her puzzled and confused and she wants him to feel like this.She wants to be the reason he feels like this.

Time goes by and lunch is done but the thought doesn’t leave her mind as they are walking she notices that his tie is slightly off the center.

When they are saying goodbye he kisses her cheek and as she takes a deep breath she rests her hands on his shoulders and when he pulls away she lets the travel to his tie, fixing it slowly, deliberately. He looks at her confused as she tightens the knot a little and moves it to right, she lets her fingers linger against the small patch of exposed skin by that one button he always leaves undone, counting the seconds on her mind.

One, two, three, four. She needs to force herself to take her hand away.

He is looking at her dazed so she just smiles and says goodbye before turning around to go to class. For some reasons he feels like her fingertips are burning.

Day 3

“I think you are ready for something more.” Matteo tells her and Luna looks up from her notebook and to him, he is helping her with her bio homework in the library and for a second she asks herself what more is there to mitosis but the smirk on his face tells her right away that this is definitely not what he means.  

“What?” She just asks though cause her mouth is bever the most eloquent.

“I think you are ready for the next step of the physical way.” He says casually and she needs to make an effort not to choke on air ’cause sounds way dirtier in her head than what he is imagining probably, even if the smirk on his face makes her doubt herself.

“The next step?” She asks and he just nods. “The other kind of touch you told me?”

“Yes, exactly this.”

“No.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“This is why I will teach you.” He says simply and this time Luna does choke on air.

“We are in the library.” She exclaims and Matteo rolls her eyes.

“That didn’t stop you from basically screaming just now.” He shrugs and gets closer to her. She has half a mind to move back but he doesn’t seem to care that much, he still ends inches away from her.

“Okay.” He starts after a few seconds. “There are a few things that always work, touching wise.”

“Like what?” She asks actually curious and she almost can’t believe herself.

“A hand on the thigh is always good.” He tells her and more importantly he does it. He lets his hand fall into her thigh, hot and rough and under her actual skirt, just by little but  her breath still catches on her throat. “It always feel intimate, it always feels like there’s something more waiting for you of you give it enough time, if you just dare.”

She has never been a daring person, but right now she would like to be.

“The neck is also good for most people.” He says and he softly traces a path with the fingers of his free hand on her skin, starting on her jaw and going slowly, slowly down her neck and onto her collarbone on back again, with each stroke she feels like her skin temperature is rising higher and she doesn’t even register that she has closed her eyes until she feels his lips, soft like a butterflies touch against her pulse where his fingers used to be, she gasps. “I have found that kisses work better here, but it’s hard to casually slip them into normal interactions.”

He kisses her again, lips parted this time and she feels ashamed by the obvious way her body trembles underneath them, heat is going down her spine and his hand on her thigh feels like it’s moving higher and she doesn’t know how to tell him that she wants more. She has forgotten where they are, she has forgotten that at any point a teacher, the librarian, a student could walk on them and find them in this position, her body is full of want even with just these little touches.

“Whispering in someone’s ear is also good.” He says doing just that, his voice rough and low and deep, his perfume intoxicating, he leaves a kiss behind her ear quickly before continuing his explanation. “Soft whispers are always enticing and if you know how to do it, how to talk just the right way, you can make the simplest words the hottest ones you have ever heard.”

“There are also more obvious ways.” He says his voice still low. “But those are no appropriate for such a place like the one we are in.”

With that he pulls away and she opens her eyes so fast the bright fluorescent lights of the library hurt them.

He has moved to face away from her and she can see just his profile buried on his book. She sighs, her blood running so fast through her veins she swears she can feel it making its way through her body as it burns her insides.

Her head is spinning, she feels, dizzy, confused, she can’t think properly, she feels drunk.

She looks at him and he seems unbothered, but the sound of his heavy breathing still fills the space they are in.

It feels good, to know she can affect him too.

Day 4

Today she feels bold, she feels brave, she has a plan and she will stick to it. It’s very simple, but very hard for her at the same time.

She will just make Matteo feel the same way he made her feel the day before on the library, somehow, someway she will find the moment, the perfect moment to have him alone and mess with him like he messed with her.

And meanwhile she will build up to it, she wants to surprise him, with every touch, every movement, she wants to startle him, to confuse him.

It sounds almost mean on her head but she doesn’t really care, this is not only revenge, this is a experiment. Today she figures out if he sees her as something more than a friend, in any way, shape or form, no matter if it’s just physical right now, no matter if he is only, maybe attracted to her, she can work with that, or she thinks so at least. Because that is better than nothing and no matter if it’s not really what she wants she can’t just go back to how things used to be. She will take whatever she can get.

As sad as this sounds.

⭐

She gets to school later than usual on purpose, she knows that after some time, when the school starts to get filled with people he just goes inside and wait for her on a bench and this is what she wants.

“Hello.” She whispers as she sneaks behind him softly, smoothly. And before he turns back she kisses the spot behind his ear. She feels him shiver ever so slightly under her lips. She has never felt so powerful.

“Hello.” He says looking surprised as he bites his lower lip. Whenever he does this there’s something raises inside of Luna’s urging her to kiss him, to pull that lip with her own teeth, to bite on it and nibble. Whenever he does this Luna’s mind fills with images where her lips are on his, moving fast and desperate. Whenever he does this Luna imagines what would it feel like if that were his lip in between his teeth. She takes a deep breath, she can’t figure this out right now. But she can take her thumb to it, softly push the soft flesh of his lips from the  pressure of his teeth, she brushes her finger against it longer than necessary and when she pulls it away she offers no explanation. His eyes are dark, his pupils so big they almost seem dark and she can see how his hand moves ever so slightly, as if he wanted to grab something, as if he wanted to touch her but she is still behind him and the bench is still between them. So he stops himself and clears his throat.

“We need to go to class.” He says in a raspy voice and Luna smiles. There’s still thirty minutes for any of their classes to start. But she doesn’t comment on that.

⭐

Later in the roller she is a mess, a big, big mess, she managed to sneak touches, whispers, the smallest of kisses but now the big thing is coming and she has no idea how she will ever pull it off. Truth be told she considers herself many things but hot and sexy is not one of them. So she is almost expecting this to fail miserably.

But at the same time she is on a high, on a high from making Matteo lose his cool, stumble over his words, his own feet even, she never even thought this was possible. She wants to see it more, she wants to do it more.

She is waiting for him on the lockers, pretending like she is pulling away her skates whenever someone comes by but after a while he appears and she smiles at him.

“Hi.” She says simply leaning against the lockers, she has no idea why her fake confident  flirting is acting slightly more like Matteo does but she has no time to ponder over that.

“Hi.” He smirks at her, mimicking her moves on the lockers in front of her.

“You know?” She asks. “I feel like I didn’t get enough practice today.”

“What do you mean?” He asks trying to be casual, but his voice goes down one octave.

“Well, I don’t think I really dabbled into this particular way of touching as much as I should have.”She starts walking towards him, slowly, but it’s a short distance already, she doesn’t have to take many steps to be in front of him.

God, she hopes she is not being ridiculous.She hopes he doesn’t think she is being ridiculous.

“I think you did great.” He tells her and she hums.

“Maybe.” She concedes. “But I didn’t really get to test everything you said to me yesterday.”

“What do you mean?”She takes one more tiny step towards him, until she is so close she can feel his body heat on her skin.

“I didn’t get to try this.” She says standing up and kissing his neck, she hears him take a deep breath. “And you said it worked so well so I was curious.”

She rest her hands on his chest stabilizing herself and she leaves another kiss against his skin, he is not saying anything but he is not pulling her away either. She plays with the buttons of his shirt as one of her hands goes to the nape of his neck, she tangles her fingers on his hair, playing softly with it. Before she can stop herself, before her brain can catch up to what she is doing she sucks on his skin, just for a few seconds but his hand still goes to her hips pressing her against him.

She looks up to him his eyes messy and so, so dark. He is keeping her close to him and the fact that she is sure there was nothing hard against her stomach before makes it impossible for her to breath. She lets out  a shaky breath and kisses his jaw before he leans in closer to her.

He is so close, so, so close, his nose is touching hers, his breath is tickling her lips, his grip on her hips burns her, she tilts her head up and their lips almost touch, the smallest space possible is between them and as he moves his head to the side, the tip of her nose caressing hers in a way she never thought could ever be considered hot she thinks this is it. She thinks she will finally make it.

“Luna!” Until Nina calls her name somewhere close enough that it sends them both jumping away from each other.

“I need to go.” She tells him and she doesn’t recognize her own voice.

“I will stay here.” He says, voice as strangely distorted as hers.  She keeps her eyes on his doesn’t dare to look anywhere else until she turns away completely and then she just runs before Nina can catch them together.

Day 5

They are sitting.Next to each other. On his bed. On his room. On his completely alone house. His laptop is on his lap and Lyra is napping at their feet and she has absolutely no idea how they manage to be casual and normal after what happened yesterday.

He is the one who called her this morning, seeming completely normal as he asked her if she wanted to hang out at his place today and she almost thought that there was something more in there, that maybe he had some hidden intentions. That is until she got there and he hugged her as usual, took her to his room and asked her what she wanted to watch as he opened his laptop.

Luna can say honestly that she has never been more confused on her whole life.

He is acting as if nothing has happened and she is scared, she is terrified that for him it was actually like this, that for him this was just part of teaching her how to flirt, something that doesn’t need or deserves to be talked about. After all she is sure she is not the only girl Balsano has ended up in a compromising position on those lockers, or in school, or well in general.

For him all this stuff it’s not as big as it is for her, it’s not as important, so she is scared he failed to see how big of a step that was on her side, how big of a declaration.

When he starts to complain after a few episodes of Gravity Falls she realizes that if she wants this to be something she needs to make it so herself, so she moves closer to him, their arms brushing against each other. He doesn’t react at all , he is still complaining about how they should watch a movie, he just nods and lets him put whatever he wants.

She needs to think here.

She moves so she is cuddles against him and this is nothing unusual so she doesn’t expect him to react but the little surprised jump when she slides her hands under his shirt is exactly what she wanted, he doesn’t say anything but she can see the way his chest raises faster and more erratic when she starts teasing his skin with her nails.

She hides on his neck, leaving small, soft, barely there kisses on his skin as she hears the beginning of the movie he picked and Lyra leave, annoyed by the loud explosions. This worked yesterday and she really hopes it works now, but even as her kisses get bolder, longer, as she starts to suck on his skin like she did yesterday all he does is absently play with her hair, she bites him slightly out of pure frustration, wanting something more, needing something more from him.

And she finally gets it.

He lets out a deep, small moan and she is so surprised with it that she freezes for  a second but she wants to hear it again, she needs to hear it again.

She moves the laptop aside and he is looking at her confused but she has no time to explain, she just straddles him in the bed and kisses him.

It’s by no means a soft kiss, it’s desperate, hot, needing. It’s fast and hungry. She can’t breath, she can’t think, she can’t feel anything that is not Matteo and his lips on hers, she doesn’t care about anything else either, so she has no problems here.

His hands go to her hips, moving them against his slowly, teasingly, she can feel the heat pool on her lower stomach and she can feel him get hard under her.

She can’t believe this is happening, she can’t believe she is doing this with Matteo, she can’t believe she is doing this at all.

But even then, she is enjoying it.

His hand slides under her shirt going up her stomach  before he take sit to her back keeping her close to him, as if she ever wanted to escape this moment. As if there was something that could ever compare to being on his arms,kissing him, touching him.

There’s no other place she rather be.

“I don’t think your guy will like that you are doing this with me.” But he doesn’t get it apparently.

“What?” She pulls away, he hadn’t before, he had just mumbled the words against her lips as if no thought could have made him stop kissing her.

“Your guy.” He explains and now his whole stance is getting colder, she is still on his lap, his hands are still on her hips, he is just as close as she was before but now he feels impossibly far away. “The one you wanted to flirt with.”

“God, Matteo.” She exclaims rolling her eyes and dropping her head on his shoulders. “You are so fucking dumb.”

“Excuse you?” He asks offended and she takes a deep breath before she straightens her back and takes his face between her hands.

“You are that guy.” She says slowly and surely but he just blinks in confusion. “You have been that guy since the very beginning. “

“You asked me to teach you how to flirt so you could flirt with me?” He asks and his tone is trying to tell her that this is the dumbest idea ever, she is happy her cheeks are red already so he can see the ashamed blush that takes over them.

“It made sense in my head, okay?” She asks defensive. “Who better to teach me how to do it than you?”

“That’s true.” He admits. “But you never had to flirt with me,Luna, please.“

She has no idea what this mean so she just tilts her head to the side , completely lost.

“Luna.” He starts again with a deep breath. “I like you, I like you very much, in every possible way one can like a person.”

“Really?” She asks and she feels so dumb but she needs to make sure, she needs to make sure she is hearing this, that he actually means this words, she knows that Matteo wouldn’t lie to her, not about this but there’s still some small irrational part of her mind that believes that maybe she is hearing these words wrong, that maybe they don’t mean what she thinks they mean.

“I do.” He says, his hand going to her cheek to caress it it softly. “And I have liked you like this for a very long time, all you ever had to do is ask, damn it, whenever you want something from me all you have to do is ask, I’m a complete fool for you, Luna, I could never deny you anything.”

“I love you.” She just says, works barely audible between her breathy laugh. But he hears them, she knows that he hears them because he looks stunned for a second before a grin takes over his face. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” He whispers and he is leaning close to her again, slowly, building tension. But she has no time for that shit, she just kisses him again, bringing him closer with her hands on his nape.

This kiss is so much softer, so much sweeter, so much more tender and just as perfect. It fills her with warmth instead of heat, it makes butterflies come alive on her belly and fireworks on her mind. She doesn’t care how cheesy this sounds, it’s true. She has never felt quiet as happy, quite as free as she feels right now. She has never felt like she could touch the sky quite in the way Matteo’s lips make her feel.

She has never felt like this before but now she is sure that she will again.