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feuqueerfire · 3 months

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Wandee Goodday Ep 7 Live Blogging

Whoop whoop 2nd week in a row that I'm managing to watch the show right after it airs. Although I did consider not watching it for 1-2 days so that I can finish my binge watch of Unknown (I'm so excited to see petty Yuan in ep 8 heh) but thought I should just watch this one before I find out everything that happens through tumblr and twitter posts.

I'm in sort of an angsty mood, esp after the last few Unknown eps that I've watched, so I'm expecting some angst here too. Eps 5-6 of Wandee have been happy and fun while they ignore their feelings and problems, so I need some of that to burst and cause issues.

Ep 7 (June 15)

7-1

showing a little support for psychiatry, though idk how helpful it is to make somebody go when they don't really wanna go

Does Yak want a mouth kiss if he wins?

Yak finds a photo of Ter and Dee in a book and it casts doubt in his mind ig

ohhh Dee was planning on throwing it out but in the end kept it and he had even written "love Dr. Ter the most" on the back

pls Kao's frustration as the audience stand-in

"...might lead to losing them"

Did Ter hear the part that gives away that they're not real bfs

well, he knows they're not dating fr anyway but still the audacity to confront Yak like this

Ter using his knowledge about Dee gained for the past 8 years against Yak, agh. like you knew him all this time and must have known he liked you and yet now that he's finally moving on, you can somehow take action? piss off

both Unknown and Wandee have boxing

what is up with these grown ass adults not being able to live without seeing each other for a few days T.T you shouldn't even be thinking of not going to Japan bc you won't see Yak for a couple days

Why is Dee basically he sniffing Yak's armpit in the gym showers

7-2

Yei just watching Yak sneak out lmfao

fuck I think Ter's gonna somehow be here? I didn't watch the preview but I saw a screencap of Ter and Dee while Dee was in the tiger outfit or whatever, though I think somebody mentioned it was at Ter's place

speak of the devil...

oh, Yak's got a keycard to Dee's place, did we know that?

why is Dee at Ter's bruh

let's fucking kill Ter, I actually cannot anymore

I do think it's funny how neither of them are commenting on Dee's literal tiger sex roleplay costume lmao he's even got a headband!

Dee needs to snap out of it, get up, and leeeeeaaaave

now Kao is here too?

the costume isn't for you to appreciate, Ter stoppppp >:((((

why the fuckkkk did Ter start leaning in, I actually need this man dead and gone, get off my damn screen

and then spilling wine on himself and wanting Dee to help cleanup and now he's practically naked in his fucking boxers, I wish I could be normal about just disliking Ter but I am immature about my hatred for him the same way he's immature about his ways trying to get Dee

TER IS OPENING THE DOOR IN HIS BOXERS?!?!? AND DEE'S ALSO IN HIS TIGER COSTUME IM GONNA LOSE MY SHIT AGHHH

[Linguistics] oh damn Yak uses meung with Ter in anger

aw man T.T I get Yak, why did Dee say Yak always uses violence? I don't recall Yak being violent before this???

Yak breaking up, returning the keycard, taking the necklace back, ouchhhhhhhhh

Yak leaning on Taem

Aw man, Dee being sad at the necklace being gone

I think I would like it if for the rest of the ep + some of next ep, they're separate about doing their own stuff and missing each other and spending time with Ter & Taem only to realize they don't feel the same as they used to and when they come together again (hopefully sometimes next ep, I don't want it to be solved this ep tbh), it's with real feelings and confession. I think I also want Dee to confess/start the conversation since he's the one who fucked up (I know I ragged on Ter but how did Dee even let it go through all those steps omg)

fuck I saw 1 second of the preview and aghhhh I hate Ter, who could've guessed. I have some stuff to do so I'll be back for the next 2 parts later, though they're quite short compared to the first two parts.

7-3

back to watching but I'm having lunch so I probably won't type much

T.T

Ter realized his feelings alright. i don't know that i believe you lol, though maybe it's true since Ter's drunk while he's saying it

okay Ter accidentally fell, I thought he was gonna attack Dee from the 0.2 sec preview

dang, Yak's the one who leaned back and didn't kiss Taem. It seems like Taem wouldn't have been opposed to it?? Did she fall for him some time in the past few eps

7-4

oops was checking at the bottom timing bar how many minutes the show actually is before previews start (9mins) but got spoiled for the last scene of the ep

Damn, Yak's imagination of Dee and TEr really has him facing a humiliating defeat against Luke's character

I get P'Yei like despite everything going on in Yak's life, this is still his job and him winning was necessary for himself, the gym, money, etc. or at least put up a fair fight, not whatever that was bc of a fight with his fwb-fake bf that he has real feelings for

Aw, Wandee came back immediately and found Yak at his favourite place or whatever

Yak crying nooo

why am I suddenly paranoid that this is also Yak's imagination lmao

ah, indeed Yak had asked for Dee's first kiss

and Dee kisses him even though he lost

the kisses are mid but it's fine

damn, a hospital ball next ep? and how is Ter even in the show still wtf

I wanted angst and sadness and I got that but the way we got there was fairly contrived. Ter's sliminess I understand but Dee going through so many steps without just... leaving is like ?? I get that he may still have feelings for Ter that makes him not think straight or whatever but c'mon... am I supposed to believe Dee would actually go to Ter's place and have dinner there in his fucking sex roleplay clothes that he put on to have a candlelit dinner with Yak? and the violence comment was like... no? Yak's pathetic fight was also like... why.

The first kiss was also not impactful because we've established for 7 episodes that it's something very monumental to Dee + it's something that he wants to do with only somebody he really likes, so to have it 1) be a "consolation prize" and 2) come before they discuss their feelings or anything is resolved feels incomplete. It's not a grand or romantic moment the way their first kiss should have been. I don't wanna go back to goofy dance show or whatever next ep...

idk, this ep was a bit of disappointment in terms of storytelling and the way we're exploring emotions, I hope they can turn it around. They have 5 more episodes and so theoretically they have time to do stuff well but also... they have time to drag everything out lol

The necklace though T.T

#wandee goodday #ep by ep commentary

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rin-and-jade · 2 years

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Things you should know about us!

We welcome both systems and singlets in this space. We provide content which includes information for those who are new, daily life of being a system, how to manage living plurally, problem solving daily system struggles, and bring awareness of a specific thing if any. This blog is operated by two separate systems conjoining forces! (and one behind the scenes, too)

Representing Jade Everson from the Chronos System, and Rin from the Offline System, and our buddy from Chaos Emeralds System, who will be doing all the stuffs here. It is a pleasure to join the fellow people of this community at last. We also decided to create a better community together alongside @multiplicity-positivity and @antisyscourse ! Contributing in ways we can, allied together, to spread more words to those in needs, now doubled. Go visit them for a daily dose of positivity <3

✎ ─────── ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧

What do we do?

Jade/Chrono* is more active and mainly posts about validation/relatable content as well as useful tips that could benefit people, they’re usually the one who is great with practical stuffs and problem solving. Introduction right here

Rin works behind the scenes, assists in moderating and sharing ideas that might benefit other people. As well as keeping Jade and Chaos updated on what the community has to say, or are talking about.

Chaos is a newly recruited member who joined forces with a similar agenda, here to educate and answer question around system matters, they're making posts on psychology and mental health.

*Chrono is a previously collective/system name that is now used for author sign off. As chrono had already gone through final fusion, J/C/Chrono will be used interchangeably.

✎ ─────── ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧

What can i ask here?

We also accept any kinds of questions and will try our best to answer them, even if it's unrelated to this purpose of the blog anyway so you don't need to shy away!!

The asks are guaranteed to be answered under 24hrs with detail and empathy. You’re not the only one in the queue so please be patient! If you have a question that you don’t want it posted, please ask with your current concerns in our DMs. (If it wasn't answered, do not fret, we will get back to you as soon as possible after resolving any issues on hand, which slows down our work!)

Just so everyone knows we have acquired an apprentice to help and practice answering asks. They go by the name of Seraphim Collective!

Also, storytelling and vents are allowed in askbox! Though it depends wether the person wants to post to join in or reply, but rest assured, all of them are read word-to-word so it does makes us a good listener even if it’s not replied. DMs is an alternative way to contact us so there’s no need to worry if it’s rude or etc <3

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What’s the category of tags?

Jade: Asks - #janswersask | Relatable content - #jsaid | Educational - #jeducates

Rin: none for now

Chaos: none for now

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What kind of server is it in bio?

It is a private server to meet us personally. A place where it mimics the discord DM system as you are assigned to a 1-on-1 chat with a special access role,, with the role you are able to access other personal channels for social. For it's purpose, it is mainly not for social reasons (yet allowed if you want to befriend with us) but for partaking in discussions and bypass the ask box queue. There are also more perks to come with, although limited amount of entry as the server is not built for community.

If you are interested or think it could benefit you, please refrain using the asks and go right to the DMs, you will be notified if we're active!

OPEN = the server is not at full capacity/workload. People can appeal in this moment. CLOSED = the server is at full capacity/workload or other reasons. People cannot appeal and have to wait.

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Who wrote the post?

To differentiate who posts what, we will be using signatures at the end of the posts.

(check audience target here)

Last updated at 28 July 2024

#did #did community #actually did #did system #dissociative identity disorder

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nefola-real · 1 year

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the name change discord thing

big ole post i made for their support forum, might was well also post it here. tldr expression on the internet is dying, and i am complaining in hopes to slow it down in one specific area Today the discord blog and in app update notifications discord announced a change to how user names work. This change will cause a number of negative effects. Most for users, but a handful for discord itself. I am going to go over each subtidal thing in the blog post in order. This is kinda an open letter to discord, thus the use of YOU.

"The biggest problem: our current usernames can often be too complicated or obscure for people to remember and share easily."

This statement and its supporting details are wrong in a number of ways. hear is an address of the post's subpoints about this

Remembering the discriminator isn't the biggest deal. Its a bit of a paint at times, but remembering less than half a phone number is not hard.

Case sensitivity is an issue, however most users with weird name casing will tell you their weird casing.

Common name usage will be a problem under your new system as well, and will likely be worse. this is an inherent flaw of usernames. your current system almost fixes this issue even. this point does not make sense.

People who change their name a lot live with this. Your new system prevents any changes at all. You are making the supposed problem worse here.

Ok special characters are an issue. This is the only thing that you would be improving. However the extent that you propose limiting special character usage is a bit much.

Most people call it your tag or end numbers. Not knowing the technical name isn't a problem here.

Half of all requests failing is an issue, just not one warranting a redesign of a core feature.

"But we realized that then we would have an even more complex system with both a Display Name and a username that still included the four-digit discriminator."

This is the core issue with your approach. The problem is characters users can't type (easily) in user names. You are trying to address this and the obtuse process of verbally communicating letter case. Discord has elected to solve a problem that was minor and a problem many users don't have. This means that the solution will cause issues. We now get to the main bad argument you make here, the section title. Discord profiles are already very complicated. Simplifying them means removing entrenched features. Four digits and an ampersand at the end of a user name is the smallest thing you could have done to simplify discord profiles. Bios and custom statuses are relatively redundant and both take up more profile space. Notes are about as entrenched as the current username system and removing them would also simplify your profiles. Discord is already a complex and over featured software; and that is a good thing. You were able to spring into an established software market because of this. Doing everything other messengers do, but better and also a something nobody else does is why I and other users switch to discord. Removing complexity goes against why discord initially succeeded. In the past you have streamlined advanced features rather than removed them, which prevents new users from being overwhelmed and lets old users keep their toys. Rate limits and complexity are not worth the damage your solution will cause.

"How We’re Improving Usernames on Discord"

Ok so your actual solution isn't the worst. Separate display and user names is fine. Its clunky but it is fine. The changes to user names is where the issue lies. Usernames are now alphanumeric plus period and underscore. This is the core issue. While you did remove font special characters and emoji overuse you went overkill. Spaces are inoffensive, same with other standard keyboard special characters. Verbalizing usernames is not an issue most people care about. People who care make their usernames easy to verbalize. The fact that you are implementing unique usernames this late into your software's lifespan is the biggest problem for you.

"we will be assigning priority to choose your new username based on when you registered for Discord."

The user name gold rush this late into a platform is a problem. My account is old; I will probably be able to snipe my username during the rollout. My current username will turn into my new one. I suspect most users with accounts from 2018 and on will run into issues getting the exact user name they want. Outside of people who's users have had special characters for years, newer users are likely to encounter someone else who wanted their special username. This will cause feel bads. Where the solution is to get someone else you hardly know to give up a user name.

Next up is that all the names of prominent figures are going to get snipped. Malicious actors are going to take ever @discord, @twitter, @ninja, and @mod they can.

You are going to upset most ordinary users who made accounts in the second half of your program's life, many streamers, and maybe a brand or two. A random roll out wont solve it either, you will still have streamers and brands getting snipped.

Just stick with the old system and ban special fonts. This wasn't a problem and your solution will make it worse.

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a-tale-never-told · 11 months

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Important Annoucement!

//Okay, so this is mostly frustrating. If you are all wondering what I'm exactly referring to, I'm talking about the clusterfuck of a dashboard. Before then, the Dashboard unfucker was still present for me, and I was able to carry out the story chapters with relative ease.

//But since yesterday, the shitty layout has returned and it has rattled my head beyond comprehension. What bothers me the most is how it returned? Why did it come back when I still had the unfucker with me? I think the main answer is that the Tumblr staff removed it from me, but the question is how did they find out exactly?

//I'm 100% sure that a bot was among my followers and just reported it to the Tumblr Gestapo over there, at least that's what I think. I don't know exactly if that is truly the case or if the computer simply malfunctioned yesterday, but regardless of the reasons why, the dashboard layout is still here as of now.

//When I first saw this, I was in absolute shock. I franticly closed Tumblr for a bit, then re-opened the site to see if it was just a glitch, but No! It was literally still there. I tried to download again the Dashboard unfucker multiple times, with all of those attempts being a failure. Once I finished, a stark realization went through my head as I tried to process what had just occurred: The shitty Tumblr layout is back, and it's going to stay for perhaps the duration of the story blog.

//Obviously, this was complete and utter dogshit, to the point where I made a post pretty much in an angered state, expressing that I wanted to kill myself. I just want to say that I apologize for stating that notion. I was never going to do it, but I was just having a really awful day, in particular, yesterday, and seeing that layout again just literally destroyed my sanity or whatever sanity I had left.

//But I'm sure you're all going to probably ask the question related to all of this: What's the future of this story blog? Obviously, I'm not that much of a quitter, as I've come way too far to give up now, but it's becoming evidently clear that I can no longer do normal story chapters like I usually do thanks to these chucklefucks, so I currently have two solutions that I have in my head, and I need to decide on which option is going to be better for this blog.

//The first option I have is to do the same type of strategy Creeper and Mod Poi are doing with their story blogs in terms of story chapters, where they reblog their chapters and usually post several continued parts to further advance the story. The problem is that I personally dislike that type of strategy as it just makes the story posts more filled up and overcrowded. Hell, even Creeper himself isn't a fan of this strategy, he only did it because the Tumblr staff fucked everything up.

//The second option I can do is to adopt Freeze's way of solving this, which is that I can extend the rest of the story through the asks, which is something that is very familiar to me if you have read the earliest phases of the story. The only issue is that I made it absolutely clear that I do not like that strategy as it takes away more attention from the story chapters and the main story as a whole, and I consider that to be one of the bigger flaws of this arc that's currently has been solved.

//Perhaps I could do both at the same time, adopting the reblog strategy while also trying to extend the asks, but then the amount of time would just completely exhaust me, given the other stuff I have to do in my life. So after much deliberation and thinking, I've decided to adopt Mod Creeper's method, as it's at least something related to the story chapters. I wholeheartedly apologize for choosing this rather confusing and uncomfortable strategy, but I seriously have no choice.

//On the bright side, I at least figured out a decent time schedule for how I'm going to post these stories in my free time. But I will post the time schedule in a separate post later on, so it doesn't overlap with this post. I seriously don't even know what's going to happen from here on out, but I promise to all of you that no matter what happens, this is NOT the end of the story blog. Oh no, we're just getting started, and even though most of my ideas have now been complicated thanks to the return of this layout, I have a sharp mind on my shoulders, and I will at least try to improvise if things go wrong.

//I just want to thank @a-student-out-of-time and @poisonrozen for trying to help me during this troubled time for me yesterday. You guys are genuinely amazing, and I honestly wish you success for the rest of your stories. As for Tumblr, the absolute banal joke that is the staff have mismanaged the properties of this website in ways Elon Musk could only think in his wildest dreams. It can only go downhill from here.

//But anyway, I hope that this is the very last announcement I make on this blog and that we can continue with the story because I have big plans for the story going forward. This is Mod Sam from A Tale Never Told, and I will see you all later as I watch the first trial of Sdra2. Have a good day!

#mod talks #a tale never told #announcement #tumblr

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shadowxamyweek · 2 years

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So... I run this blog, yeah? This one, a ShadAmy ship blog, in the good year of our lord 2022.

Why?

I like the ship. You say, 'yeah no shit dumbass,' but I really like the ship. It is the ship that formulated a blueprint for my fleet of favorite ships all under one flag. It is my ship of dreams.

And I'm not someone who grew up with Archie, which is where a lot of old-school shippers come from. I knew ABOUT Archie and what I knew scared me. Even post-reboot, I didn't want to touch it. I was firmly entrenched in the games and the games only (to a large degree, I still am. They are the only actual 'canon' in my opinion, no matter the many cool things IDW and Archie may have done.)

I'm also not someone who just wants to see their fave in a cute ship. They're both favorites of mine -I like them both separately just as much as I like them together.

So why the fuck did I love these two characters together so much when they hardly even talk?

This moment.

Because it was always going to be this moment.

I'm about ten years of age playing this game, my mind being totally blown by the plot and the characters, and it all comes to a grinding halt... to talk.

But me liking this scene didn't happen right away.

It happened in stages.

(Trigger warning. Heads up for mild mentions of gaslighting and issues with eating disorders. Shit you not, this is canon to their history.)

Part 1- Why do I like Shadow?

I knew from the start I liked Shadow.

There's something about a character that is not a 'nice person,' but they are, very much, a 'good person.' They are, in their own way, trying very hard to do the right thing.

Shadow was designed as a weapon, first and foremost. That's what G.U.N. wanted them for and that's how Gerald found his funding, even if he was also designing Shadow to be a cure/aid for Maria on the sly. Shadow went through a lot of hell because of that. Yet regardless of his history, he still makes the decision to get up every day and do his best to solve whatever situation is in front of him, bit by bit, striving steady forward to make the world a better place.

Too often, the messy, personal business of having to recognize your faults is minimized for the protagonist and amplified for everyone else that they are with. Especially in recent media (last 10-years ish, in my opinion,) you don't get a lot of protags that might not be likable all the time. You don't have that moment where they realize what they have done, are reeling from guilt and self loathing and shame, and have to make the conscious effort to do better.

But Shadow is.

This is a character who was gaslight (actual genuine memory manipulation with malicious intention I CANNOT make this shit up), fed a lie for purpose, their personality weaponized. Their love turned into an atomic bomb.

Then, they had to unlearn that and become themselves again.

I want more heroes like that. I want heroes that were or could have been villains, and instead of and dying in a last redemptive act (as if it makes up for everything they have done), they live... and they have to keep living. They have to keep learning. They have to be... you know... people.

I know a lot of people debate over whether or not Shadow as actually suppose to stay dead after SA2, and in everything I have read, the evidence seems inconclusive. Either way, I'm glad they brought him back. I'm glad they made him live and learn (pun intended) and choose to be better. Not as a weapon, not as a cure, but as themself.

That makes for a great story and character study. That's always the sort of thing I want to sink my teeth into and stay awake reading and rereading and coming back to it with new eyes.

Furthermore, Shadow... well, they are a person who scares people. The design, the demeanor, the articulation (or lack thereof) in regards to motivation and thought. It doesn't matter if they mean to, it happens.

And they're fine with it.

They don't need to be verbal all the time. They don't need to understand social cues or unspoken rules. They are allowed to go off and stare at nothing and think in the quiet because it's comfortable. This guy was living my fucking dream.

Also, Shadow was also my first introduction to Nonbinary Thoughts that I had ever seen. This person walks in with their highlights and eyeliner and fluffy self with their dope kicks and sweet color pallet and a cool voice and I had all sorts of joy lighting up inside me. This was like glam rock. This was like seeing Mercury or Lennox for the first time, or realizing that sometimes, the chick-parts in theater productions are played by boys and the dude-parts are played by girls. I dunno how else it put it. It's the moment you go, 'ooooh,' before you flip the flimsy table that the binary gender code has placed itself upon.

This fantasy hedgehog bastard and I have a lot in common, and I've leaned on that a couple of times to remind myself I'm not alone because, for the longest time... I didn't know any living people who had gone through what I had. I have since found friends over time with similar situations, and they all mean the world to me, but Shadow for years was the imaginary friend of a lonely kid who scared the other kids.

That means a lot to me.

Part 2- Why do I like Amy?

I use to not like Amy.

(As such, the order of thought for this segment is going to be different. Sorry in advance.)

I hasn't played any other Sonic game before SA2, so my first encounter with her was not the best. I didn't understand why she was here. I didn't understand why she acted the way she did. I didn't like her voice actor, or her dialog lines, or how she was just written as 'the girl'. Every other character got to be cool and do shit and be playable and Amy was just There(tm). Later I played SA1 and realized she was cool but how she was written in every game seemed to just be decided by dice. Yeah, they used the same dice, so the basic characteristics stayed the same, but the way they were portrayed or portioned fluctuated drastically. I never knew what she was going to show up like.

And that's partially on me- I was stuck in a binary jam as a kid. Still, even beyond that, she as a character and I did not gel.

And then I played Sonic Battle.

(tw // eating disorders)

I keep saying I need to replay Battle, if only to get evidence of this. There's a part of me that wants to believe I made it up, just to avoid the implications, but I know I didn't.

In Battle, like in SA1, SA2, and 06, you play through multiple perspectives of a story (always did like that sort of gameplay.) During the story, you get to be both Cream and Amy, and you find something out during this.

Amy has an eating disorder.

This may be a headcanon, and I am biased, but this obsession to the point of illness with her weight and figure has appeared a couple of times including out if gameplay (I know, breaking my own rule about game canon focus). For an older example, there's an issue in the Sonic manga Spin and Dash where Amy falls for one of Eggman's schemes for weight loss since she's worried she's gaining weight. She then comes back emaciated, asking Sonic and Tails if she looks pretty. Most recently, there is official art of Amy punching a punching bag with a picture of ice cream on it while Germal watches, which is a direct reference to that I am about to relay.

In Battle, you go against Amy several times in a form of combat called Boxercising. Canonically, it is stated that Amy got into Boxercising to get stronger and help out more on missions, but then became obsessed when she realized she could lose weight. Though Cream protests all the 'training' saying Amy is too tired due to her lack of eating and constant training, Amy keeps insisting she wants to go another round. You do this a few times, and then, it is revealed that she has been wearing weights this entire time.

I use to wear weights all the time, around my ankles and under long pants so nobody noticed. I did it to try and lose weight. You want to know what happens when you do that? You fuck up your ligaments and tendons. I had to take a second. Then, I went back to the game. It got worse from there.

After the fighting, Amy passes out. When she awakens, after a bit of dialog, she asks then-Emerl how she could loose more weight. The robot proposes a ridiculous training regiment and a diet in which Amy is to only eat salad leaves and some other minimal insane bullshit, and though Cream is horrified, Amy insists she can do it.

And I hated it.

I hated how of course it was Amy. I hated how this was played for laughs. I hated how they'd pick the Girl Character(tm) because eating disorders are coded girlish apparently and once again I'm sitting there hating everything to do with everyone but especially whoever thought that was funny or let that mistake (if it was a mistake) slide or whatever. I was angry.

But it was at that moment I saw Amy in a new light. I had never seen another character go through this, not in the way I did. I decided to go back and give her character a second look.

What I found upon putting aside my own self loathing was a wonderful character. Yes, she, like everyone else, suffered from tone changes between games, but at the core, she was a really wonderful person doing the best she could out of love for everything and everyone.

Yes, she is stubborn and maybe sometimes a bit selfish. Yes, she has tunnel vision and sometimes that causes a problem. I will remind the court that the kid in canon is 12/13 and which one of you was the perfect preteen? I reiterate my point about flawed protagonists. I reiterate my point about multifaceted characters. I reiterate my point that a person is allowed to be a person and that makes them better than a cardboard cuttout that can be projected upon.

She's not a manic pixie dream girl, she's a fucking supernova.

She loves her friends, her found family, her home, her planet, the strangers she meets on the street, everyone. This girl will remind you to take care of yourself right before she throws hands with god. This girl is a badass because she loves fiercely and terribly. No, not in the 'cool, masculine way' that seemed to be the only permissible volatile love I saw in media, but in her way.

It's not a thing that just is. That sort of love comes from wanting to love. Making the conscious decision to love, and act on that love, in the best way a person knows how.

Just like you, or I, or anyone else.

And how deeply, how furiously, how passionately and totally a person can love everything, anything, and in spite of whatever is going on, decide to act on that love with a desire to do good for the sake of doing good.

That means a lot to me.

Part 3: The Ship of Dreams

We come back to this moment, because it was always going to be this moment.

An unstoppable force meets an unmoveable object.

But they are not on opposite sides. In fact, they are very much on the same side. These two love fiercely and terribly. They want to do the right thing. They are willing to sacrifice happiness and safety in order to achieve that.

And once they realize this, they work together to do the right thing out of love.

This post, I think, does a very nice job of elaborating on a facet of that concept.

---

@wizardofthebog

The “This character who is flawed, traumatized and hurting cannot be saved by love. But they can choose recovery because they are loved”-trope makes me just… I think I need to lay down.

@theoneandonlymagiscientist

“saved by love” and “choose recovery because loved” look similar on the surface, perhaps because the end results look similar, but they’re so different really. It’s passive vs. active; a story is about the person who’s making choices, being proactive. If Character A is saved by love, then it’s not them the story is about, it’s about their savior, Character B. If Character A chooses recovery, then they’re the one the story is about. Character B is the side character this time.

One is the narrative of taking what is broken and fixing it. It is not about the ‘broken’ person, it’s about the ‘savior’ who ‘fixes’ them.

One is a tale of healing. It is not about one person ‘fixing’ the other, it’s about the person who makes a conscious decision to not let their pain define them.

In one, the story is about the person who loves the hurt person, and the hurt person’s pain is incidental to the main character’s arc. In the other, the story is about the hurt person themself, and the other person’s love is incidental to their arc.

I hope I’ve said this well enough. My words may not be coming out the right way to express what I’m trying to say. Sometimes they do that.

---

There's also this quote from Guillermo del Toro

---

"The beast doesn’t need to transform to be loved. He doesn’t have to turn into a boring fucking prince to be loved. Or renounce to the essence of who it is. To me love is not transformation, love is acceptance and understanding."

---

And what about these closing lines from Niel Gaiman's observations on love given at a friend's wedding?

---

"- In the darkness you will reach out a hand,

not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.

And your hands will meet,

and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again."

---

I believe in love: the concept, the idea, the goal. I believe that, upon achieving the goal of fostering love, in maintaining it, enabling it to thrive, to be happy and be healthy.

I believe in people and the power they have as individuals, and how that power finds new strength when people work together as a unit, as a team, as friends and confidantes and lovers.

Love to me is being in lock step, hand in hand, walking forward together.

And I just so happen to see it in these two silly, fictional hedgehogs.

#shadamy #shadowxamy #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #tw // eating disorder #tw // gaslighting #i seriously cannot believe i actually was able to pen this all down. it took me a while #i highly doubt this is what... anyone... expected when they asked why i like the ship but... here it is #op rambles #this took me... days... but i wanted to get it right #thoughts

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intonerofcuriosity · 3 years

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@thefirstsong

(lets pretend I’m submitting this via my One RP blog (thefirstsong) and that im not being forced to use my main cause i wanted to keep my main and One RP blog separate but in order to send RP starters thats not exactly possible. damn it Tumblr. but hey. at least i can reblog from my rp blog so yay to that)

“Finally, it’s over…”

One sighed in relief as she sat down on her throne at the top floor of the Cathedral, having just finished a meeting with a pair of bickering ministers over some issue they could have easily solved on their own without her if they hadn’t hated each other’s guts and decided to take their bickering to the leader of all of Midgard to have her decide who was right or wrong.

Guess what? Neither of them were right or wrong because to every problem there is several good solutions and every solution has it’s flaws! They were just looking to make themselves look better than the other! They cared not for the people or finding the best possible solution, they just came up with some okay-ish ideas and started arguing over which one was better rather than calmly looking through the pros and cons of both their ideas!

One was suffice to say completely and utterly drained and exhausted.

“…today cannot get any worse than this, surely…”

This actually could get worse to One.

Three arrived to the Cathedral City not all that long ago. Took her longer than expected because she had to convince Four to lend her one of her flying ships if she wanted to cage the Chimera to bring it over as well.

However, the Intoner was the only presence walking through the insides of the main building, guessing that it would be better if she left the caged creature behind to show her older sister later.

No one needed to be a genius to know that the one approaching the center of the Cathedral was the always lethargic sibling. Not only her stumbling or her heels made One know that she was approaching, but the click-clack of her scissors was also a factor.

And so...upon arriving to the main chapel of the place, the Intoner tried to fix her posture a little, to look at the blonde from afar.

Seems they simply let her in, and arrived without sending a letter first, for One’s displeasure.

“One...” She said in a soft tone, hopeful the sound of her voice wouldn’t bother the other too much.

Truly, for Three to leave the Land of Forests, there had to be a good reason she was here, but perhaps One had a vague idea already.

“I stay in the corner...but travel around space...what am I?...”

#submission #“An unbelievable truth is just a lie.” [IC]#“A dreamlike day is only a dream.” [DoD3]#thefirstsong #LMAO I'M SO SORRY ONE #and it's fine!#sideblogs be like that xD

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what-is-your-plan-today · 4 years

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Real Life Tasks With Ransom Drysdale

An Advent Calendar of 24 Normal Human Tasks As Performed By A Huge Man Baby.

Day 1: The Case Of The Mysterious Shrinking Sweater.

Warnings: Bad Language words

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader

A/N: So this all came about as myself, @sweater-daddiesdumbdork and @jennmurawski13 saw a post about Ransom doing everyday things…and yeah, it kinda spiralled. The series will consists of one-shots and drabbles, all light hearted…and the occasional little bit of smut thrown in for your pleasure and we hope a nice countdown to Christmas after what has been an utter shit-show of a year.

We will be taking it in turns to alternate posting so keep your eyes peeled for the next instalments as they arrive. I’ll be re-blogging and tagging my list.

Series Masterlist.

People say that being pregnant was an enjoyable experience, that you glowed and bloomed. But right now the only thing blooming was the feeling of nausea in the pit of your stomach. You lay still, hoping that it would go away, but as usual it didn’t. Swinging your legs off the side of your huge bed, you hurried barefoot over the plush carpet of the bedroom you shared with your husband before dropping with a thud to the floor of the en-suite, emptying the contents of your stomach into the porcelain bowl of the toilet. You repeated the motion again and again until you were retching dry air, your eyes watering, throat stinging and you let out a little sob.

At almost 22 weeks pregnant, this was ridiculous. The whole morning sickness was supposed to have eased off by now, but not for you. Oh no. Mind you, what else were you to expect given that you were expecting his baby.

The spawn of Satan…

“Y/N?” your husband’s deep baritone hit your ears and you turned to look up at him as he stood in the doorway, clad only in his boxers. Strong thighs gave way to a tapered waist, a flat yet slightly soft stomach ran into the hard planes of chest muscle and sculpted arms from years of playing polo (God forbid the asshole do any other form of manual exercise, well apart from the obvious one that got you into this mess in the first place that is). Broad shoulders stretched either side of a strong neck which supported that damningly handsome face with the jawline that could cut glass and those deep blue eyes that had ruined your panties the first time you’d seen them.

Hugh Ransom Drysdale was a beautiful bastard. And he knew it.

“You ok?” he asked. You narrowed your eyes before a fresh wave of nausea hit you and you retched once more.

“Do I look ok?” you shot back, sinking back onto your heels, wiping at your face. You felt Ransom move from the doorway and then heard the tap running.

“Here.” One hand settled between your shoulder-blades, the other handed you a glass of water as Ransom knelt besides you, his blue eyes bearing the warmth that he reserved only for you. You took the drink without a thanks, the usual sarcasm he would display at such an action remained unsaid as you drained the glass and passed it back. “Can I do anything else?”

“Fast forward to January next year so the baby’s here?” you grumbled “I can’t take another damned 4 months or whatever of this, Ransom!”

“Sorry Princess.” He chuckled, “I can’t help you there.” “I hate you.”

“So you keep saying.” He shrugged “But the fact you’re pregnant with my son…kinda proves that you don’t.”

“We were drunk. Besides, hate fucking is a thing.”

“Is hate marrying?”

“Yup.” You nodded. “I only married you so I could divorce you for your money.”

“Well that was almost 2 years ago so why you still here?” he drawled back and you looked at him, snorting as a smirk spread across his face before he tossed his head slightly to throw back the strands of his hair that had fallen forward over his forehead “Thought so.”

“Asshole.”

With a roll of his eyes Ransom helped you to your feet, glancing down at your chest, your swollen breasts visible down the front of your camisole top. His eyebrow arched a little as he raised his head to meet your eyes and you snorted.

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Oh come on baby!” he whined, his hands falling to your hips, pushing up the silk of the top you were wearing, his thumbs skating over the curve of your bump “You know what seeing you like this does to me.”

“Seeing me like what? Red faced with puke in my hair?”

“Yeah the puke not so much.” He wrinkled his face, “But I can think of an arrangement here that could potentially eliminate that particular issue.”

“You’re not fucking me in the shower.” You shook your head.

“But…”

“No buts Ransom.” You looked at him as he glared back, his face now wearing the usual petulant expression he bore when he didn’t get his own way “Stop being a brat. I’m up now and I got stuff to do.”

“Yeah? Like what?” he folded his arms. You gave a groan of exasperation.

“I have a conference call with my boss at midday…”

“It’s a Saturday.”

“I know that, but we have a big case…”

“You don’t need to work, tell him to fuck off.”

As usual you ignored Ransom’s dig about your job. He could never understand why you insisted on keeping your role as a Legal Secretary, but then again what was to be expected from the trust fund Man-Baby who had never worked a day in his life. “And there’s a pile of laundry to do.”

“I don’t know why you won’t let me hire a maid….”

“I don’t WANT A FUCKING MAID!” you exploded. Ransom’s eyebrows shooting upwards slightly was the only reaction to your shouting that he gave. “This is our home...”

“Well with the baby on the way, maybe you might want to reconsider that stance.”

“Or maybe you could start pulling your weight.” You jabbed him in his chest. He glanced down at your finger, his eyebrow arched as he looked back at you.

“Pulling my weight?”

“Yes.”

“Exactly how?”

“I dunno…how about you start performing those little real life tasks that normal people do Ransom? You know, the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, loading the dishwasher, making the bed, cooking breakfast or dinner…”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He scoffed and you groaned “You know I can’t cook.”

“How do you think I learned?” you shook your head, before rubbing at your temple. “I practiced.”

“Yeah, not gonna happen Princess.”

“What a surprise” you shrugged “God forbid Hugh Ransom Drysdale get his hands dirty.”

“Don’t fucking call me that.” He snapped and you snorted. Of all the names you called him, it was his actual name that riled him so much. It was ridiculous, but also too good an opportunity to pass up. He was an asshole at times, and you took none of his shit. You never had done, not since that fateful day you met in that lecture hall at Harvard some 10 years or so ago. Truth be told, he’d often admitted it was the fact you gave him nothing but shit, called him out and basically ignored him for 6 months, despite the fact that you desperately wanted him to do very rude things to you. Your ambivalence provided him with a challenge and he pursued you with a dogged determination which you eventually gave in to towards the end of your first year of Study.

“Why not?” you shrugged, deciding to poke the bear a little more because, well, you could…that and you kind of enjoyed watching that vein pop in his neck when he was pissed “Isn’t that what the help call you? I mean I might as well be your help all things considered.”

“You’re my fucking wife.” Ransom spoke through grit teeth, his jaw set, neck strained (ah, there was that vein!)

“Well here’s a novel idea.” You smiled up at him “Why don’t you start acting like I am instead of some glorified housekeeper that you fuck and keep in your bed.”

“Ok, I’m gonna let that slide due to hormones.” Ransom’s hands fell to his hips.

“You’re gonna let it slide?” you scoffed

“Yes.”

“Whatever.” You took a deep breath “Now get out I need a shower.”

“So….just so we’re on the same page, you don’t want me to-“

“NO RANSOM!” you growled, shoving his chest. He sniggered, stepped back with his hands up, palms open as he backed out of the door, closing it behind him.

*****

Ransom could hear Y/N’s voice as it drifted softly through the closed door of the study into the hallway and he rolled his eyes. Her boss was a jerk, making her call in at midday on a fucking weekend, all because he was too incompetent to cope himself. She should be curled up on the sofa, watching junk, eating crap, wearing nothing but one of his sweaters. She’d been looking for her favourite one before, cursing when she’d realised it was in the laundry hamper and mumbling about how she’d pop it into the machine later.

“How about you start performing those little real life tasks that normal people do Ransom? You know, do the laundry…”

Ransom paused by the stairs, before he smirked a little. “Oh you’re gonna eat your words, Princess.” He mumbled, before he bolted upstairs and into their bedroom, through to the en-suite. Tipping the hamper up on its side he looked down at the pile of clothes and frowned. Y/N normally sorted them into separate piles, but he wasn’t sure how…or why now he thought about it.

Fuck it, there was nothing google couldn’t solve.

He soon found out, thank you Housewives Online, that they needed to be sorted according to colours. Whites, brights and darks. So, as his sweater was blue it could go in the colours pile. He nudged the other two piles to the side of the room with his foot before he gathered the one he wanted in his arms, wrinkling his nose at the fact he actually had dirty clothes in his hands and made his way downstairs. He wandered through the kitchen and into the utility room at the back, before he stuffed the items into the machine and then looked around for the detergent. He found it on a shelf over the back of the room along with the fabric softener. Grabbing them both he then paused as he realised he didn’t actually know where it went.

Okay, so this had to be a process of elimination. He pulled open the little drawer on the front and smirked as he noticed the sections were labelled.

“Piece of cake.” He poured in what he deemed enough of each and then shut it, before he looked at the digital dials on the front.

“For fucks sake…” he grumbled, punching a few buttons. Eventually the display kicked in, offering him a one hour-thirty hot wash.

“Well, who washes clothes in cold water?” he shrugged, pressing the green button. As he stood back the machine kicked into life and Ransom nodded, congratulating himself, before he decided he’d earned himself a beer.

****

“Son of a…” you heard the curse as you opened the door to the study and frowned. Whilst your call had lasted a little longer than it should have, surely Ransom couldn’t have gotten himself into that much trouble in the space of two hours. You followed his string of expletives down the hall, through the kitchen and into the laundry room to find Ransom holding what looked like a smaller version of his sweater in his hands.

“What are you doing?” you frowned.

“Singing a duet with Beyonce, what does it look like I’m doing?” he snapped.

“It looks like you’re doing laundry.” You ignored his shitty comment and arched an eyebrow, one hand falling to your small bump.

“No shit, Sherlock.”

“Where did you get that little…” you trailed off as you realised that it wasn’t a smaller version of his gorgeous navy blue, soft woolly number in his hands, it WAS his gorgeous navy blue, soft woolly number “You shrunk your sweater?” He glared at you as you started to laugh “Oh my god, you dumbass!”

“It wasn’t me it was that fucking shitty machine.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the machine.”

“Well why did it shrink then?”

“What programme did you put it on?”

“Programme?” he frowned “I just turned it on.”

With a sigh you rubbed at your temple “There are different settings depending on what you’re washing.” You stated “That’s wool. It should have been on a cool cycle.”

Ransom looked at the item in his hand and you watched as his shoulders sagged a little. “I wanted it to be nice and clean for you to wear later.” He sighed as he peeked up at you, a strand of hair falling over to his brow. Your heart instantly melted, little gestures like this from him meant the world as it was his way of showing he cared. He could buy you all the expensive shit in the world but these were the little things you craved.

“Oh baby!” you chuckled as you stepped forward, leaning up to kiss his cheeks. “It was a nice thought…” you took the sweater off him and looked at it “But even I don’t think I’ll fit into that. It’s tiny.”

Ransom looked at it before his face suddenly curled into a smile “Baby boy tiny?”

You let out a laugh “Maybe not baby boy tiny, but little child boy tiny, sure.”

“We’ll save it for him then.” He said, tossing it down into the basket of wet items that needed to be dried. “His first hand-me-down.”

You smiled as his hands dropped to your hips and pulled you closer. “You’re a big softy really, aint you?” you reached up to brush that stubborn strand of hair back of his forehead and he shrugged before he grinned, rocking his pelvis forward.

“I won’t be soft for long.” His head dropped and he nipped at your ear “Let me show you what Husband chore I’m actually good at.”

#real life tasks with ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale x you #ransom drysdale fic

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lupinblacktheone · 3 years

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War games

Notes: Hey, guys! This was based on @dedlit's amazing art! You should check their fanart out prior to reading this. (I would like to post the link to the specfic fanart in which this work is based on, but it doesn't seem possible for some reason. I highly recommend you follow their blog too!)

***

Robby managed to escape Kreese's claws - by properly telling him to fuck off - and is willing to join Eagle Fang Karate. Daniel welcomes him back with open arms and is putting a big-time effort into getting Johnny and his son to get along, which is going great, the students, on the other hand, still haven't figured out a way to be friends (or at least, hate each other a little less). Johnny and Daniel have lots of brainstorming sessions, trying to come up with ideas.

"C'mon, guys, just give them nerf guns and they will shoot the tension out", Anthony suggests, taking a bow of Doritos to his room.

“You know... maybe he is right", Johnny says, putting his pencil down. "Nothing can bond people better than a healthy war game."

"Ok, how about you sort out the teams while I buy the guns?"

"Yeah, sure."

A few hours later, Daniel and Anthony come back home with four boxes full of all kinds of nerf guns and Johnny shows them the line-ups. He has made sure to mix up former Cobras and Miyagi-Dos in both sides.

"I even got Robby and Miguel to be in the same side!"

"Huh, babe, I thought you wanted to get on Robby's bright side", Daniel makes a confused face.

"I do, indeed, but I couldn't miss this chance. I'm planning to take him out for dinner later."

Daniel shakes his head, imagining the war game's outcome. Anthony wants to be an assistant sensei during the game, since Johnny and Daniel will be busy as hell. He even dresses up in army-printed sweatshirts and makes a face painting.

When everybody is at Mr. Miyagi's old house, Daniel explains them the rules.

"You must work together to achieve an objective, which is getting the other team's flag and shooting as many people from the opposite team as possible. You got it?"

"Yes, sensei", they answer in a loud, strong chorus.

"Step up and choose your weapons", Johnny invites. As they pick the guns, he tells them which team they'll be in. Miguel makes a slightly annoyed face when he's told to team up with Robby. "The rules are the rules, Diaz."

"Those are your rules", he mumbles, standing by Mitch's side.

The teams will have some time to organize a strategy and hide their flag. Sam's team elects a leader and puts the flag between the twigs of a tall tree. Of course, Robby and Miguel are arguing, because the first one wants to set the flag in the bottom of the pond and the latter wants to put it on the roof.

"It's too visible!", Robby complains.

"Kind of, but it'll be easier for us to shot them when they try to get up there."

"Did you forget Demetri's on their side? He only needs a hop to get on the roof."

"So what? We shot him and he's out."

"And then, he throws the flag down and they win!"

Chris would like to complain to the senseis and maybe, they will let the team play short on two players – which good could they do, anyway? – but before he can get to them, someone, probably Nate, solves the issue by grabbing the flag and hiding it in a corner of the fence and yelling orders to split the group in offensive and defense.

A whistle blows. The game is on.

Johnny and Daniel watch it drinking lemonade and holding hands.

“Hey, Danny.”

“Yes, honey?”

“I love you. You know that, right?”

“I sure do”, the man leans over to peck the other’s lips.

The kids start joining them, grumbling about unfair shooting. Daniel rests his head on Johnny’s shoulder.

Johnny would bet some money on Samantha’s team, since they had come up with such a brilliant plan that included a circle of fire around their tree and hidden snipers, and it is really surprising when he hears Robby screaming:

“We won!”

He’s sitting on Miguel’s shoulders. Them both look so happy and proud that Johnny’s heart melts.

Daniel lectures the kids a bit about teamwork’s importance. With an evil smirk on his face, Anthony declares:

“Get ready for round two! Senseis versus the students!”

Johnny does the most rational thing he can think of: grab Daniel and three plastic guns and then, run as hell. Maybe it would be smarter to take separate ways, but Johnny won’t leave his boyfriend’s side, not even when they are being hunted down by a mass of angry teens – and two of them are their real children!

They are cornered. Now, Sam, Demetri, Robby and Miguel are standing in the front line.

“Sorry, dad!”, Samantha says. If you look into her eyes, you’ll notice that she’s having a good time and might be not that sorry.

“Now we got you, Mr. L!”, Demetri raises his gun at the level of his eyes.

“No mercy, sensei! Your rules, not mine”, of course, Miguel wouldn't hold back from that little revenge.

“Well, sensei Lawrence, I guess the ‘enemy’ has us surrounded”, Daniel points a gun at Sam’s direction while the other is pointing at someone behind them.

“Ready to go down together?”, Johnny points his gun at Miguel.

“With you by my side? Always.”

“Come on, Demetri, let’s finish them!”, Robby urges and then, everybody shoots as if the world was about to end.

Yeah, summer was never this perfect.

#cobra kai #lawrusso #daniel larusso #johnny lawrence #fanfic

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fencesandfrogs · 4 years

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hi my name is matthew and i have some thoughts about haes

okay disclaimers: i’m a little jumpy around the subject so while i don’t feel i’m being unnecessarily harsh/unfair, if ur firm on haes w no yielding, and you don’t want to argue about it? either skip this or don’t respond. i don’t really care. but i’m putting the body under a read more.

[3k words, 10 minute read. sections headers, some text italicized for emphasis/some readibility. no images/videos, a few links.]

second disclaimer: i’m not planning on going heavy on sources. i will happily provide sources to people who want them, and i haven’t written the actual post yet but it’s unlike me not to cite anything, but doing an in depth well researched and sourced post on this type of subject is not something i’m up for right now.

like i said, i’m jumpy around this subject. and on the off chance someone decides this post is Bad and i must be banished to the Bad Blogs Bin, i’d rather not put a lot of work into it.

third disclaimer: i’m not particularly interested in reading X study that says actually no people who way 700 pounds are healthy and people who weigh less than 200 are going to die early deaths. i know that’s a straw man i needed to a) get it out of the way now and b) i just am tired all the time and don’t have a ton of itme for it. that said, if you do send one to me, i will probably read it at some point, and i may or may not provide my thoughts.

right then. moving on.

with no more waffling, my thesis is as follows: weight stigma is bad, however obesity is killing people and i really would like people to stop pretending it doesn’t.

i. really hate that that’s a controversial opinion. i mean i hold a decent number of somewhat controversial opinions, most of which i keep to myself because i’m a firm believer that what i think about something should not interfere with how other people live their lives. as a noncontroversial example, i think mormons are in a cult. children, being minors, being indoctrinated is a problem, one i myself am not dedicated to solving because i have other issues but as far as adults involved, that’s their business.

(*please note that i’m not expanding on my thoughts because this post is about haes but i do have a more complicated opinion i’m just trying to demonstrate something please don’t at me about cults i know that they’re bad and adults in them also need help getting out that’s not the point of this post & i’m anxious enough so like, please.)

anyway so. obesity. is bad. it is bad for your health. if you are obese, you are not healthy. that said, i am not going to tell you to lose weight. no one should tell you to lose weight except for your doctor and maybe your immediate family, and that should be from a place of “you are not living your best life and i care about you.” i, an internet stranger, along with pretty much everyone you know, does not get to tell you about how terrible your life is and what a horrible person you are for existing, because you are not a bad person for being overweight. you do not deserve discrimination or mistreatment. even if you’re not actively trying to lose weight. it doesn’t matter. you are a human being like any other and i will fight like hell for you.

i’m not planning on going heavy into eating disorders because a) that’s a triggering topic for me and b) it’s going to muddle the point i’m getting, but since it is a large part of the arguments re. haes, it’s certainly going to come up, so i’d like to list the officially recognized eating disorders.

Anorexia Nervosa (AN)

Bulimia Nervosa (BN)

Binge Eating Disorder (BED)

Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorder (OSFED)

Pica

Rumination Disorder

Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID)

Unspecified Feeding or Eating Disorder (UFED)

Other (aka “we are considering making this its own category but for matthew’s purposes it fits into AFRID or UFED well enough because the details aren’t important”)

so yeah. we’ll circle back to this.

section one: haes

haes initially stood for heatlh at every size. that doesn’t really matter anymore because people say healthy at every size now, however, the distinction is important. because.

okay. when i say being obese makes you inherently unhealthy, i am not saying you are having health problems for being overweight. i am saying you have a chronic illness. i have asthma. that makes me inherently unhealthy. i don’t necessarily have an health problems because i am asthmatic, but i have a chronic illness and it certainly would, say, make me more likely to die from covid. that is a fact. saying healthy at every lung functionality would not change that.

but you know, i can still be active and like smell plants and interact in the world like anyone else. i just try to keep my inhaler near by.

so similarly, if you are overweight/obese (i’ve been saying only obese because its less letters so i’m sticking with that), you can, like, live ur best life and take care of your health. you can feel good about your body and eat good food and move and again, i really don’t want anyone reading this to feel that i think everyone who’s obese needs to lose that weight because adults can do whatever they want.

what i’m angry about is that a good thing (encouraging people to make good choices no matter what so they can feel good in their bodies) got turned into a bad thing (telling people they don’t need to change what they’re doing because they’re perfectly healthy).

section two: but what about...?

see my third disclaimer. but as a fast rundown of things i probably won’t talk about in detail later:

the obesity paradox is a specific thing about a specific type of illness in the elderly. it’s also not about obesity, it’s about being slightly overweight. it’s a complicated thing, but it’s not true most of the time

sumo wrestlers have major health problems as soon as they stop exercising like crazy.

did you know there are countries where girls are force fed to become overweight? diet culture goes both ways

if you want to say healthy at every size, you have to mean that every. that means you are not allowed to say shit about underweight people. i’m sorry, is someone you care about wasting away? are they 5′10 and weigh 90 pounds and their hair is falling out because they aren’t eating? i’m sorry, you said people are healthy at every size. you can’t make fun of skinny people. you have to suck it up because you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

section three: self care

a hypothetical that is blindingly obvious to where i’m going: if a small child wants to play with a knife, are you caring for them by giving into it? what if they want to drink some vodka? what if they want to run away from home to live with a stranger in a white van?

i really really hope all those answers are “no, you’re neglecting that child, and also possibly actively harming it.”

so my point is pretty obvious: giving yourself something because you want it does not mean you are caring for yourself.

you know what i want to do all the time? sleep and rewatch twilight every day. but that makes me feel worse. so even though it’s terrible and i hate it, i have to take care of myself (because there is only one of me that i ever get) and go outside and talk to people and eat something that isn’t popcorn because you need protein to live.

(sorry i tried to keep nutrition out of that but i have to actively seek out sufficient salt and protein due to my campus doing a lot of low sodium food, which is bad when u actually need to eat a good amount of salt to keep ur body working, and also i’m vegetarian. so i’m constantly making myself seek it out.)

that doesn’t mean self care is always supposed to be work, but i mean. i’ve always not really gotten into it. i think because i’m hella depressed and i’ve been depressed long enough i can recognize it as this separate entity when it comes to a lot of the mental stuff. like, why do i feel like everything is meaningless? that’s just the depression.

but i digress, this isn’t about me. [proceeds to talk about me again]

one phrase i like a lot for myself is “bad food makes me feel bad.” now, i’m not a fan of putting moral judgements to food. but this works for me, personally. sure, eating a bunch of ice cream right now is good, but it’s going to suck when my stomach flips the fuck out because of all the sugar. and so it seems quite obvious to me that eating that ice cream is not, in fact, caring for my body.

and i think we’d collectively be a bit better served if we could learn to distinguish between self-care and self-kindness. ask anyone who does caregiving (childcare, nurses, etc): it is hard, often thankless (at least for children they’re devils who don’t realize that their toys will get wrecked if they don’t pick them up) work. you care for them not by doing what they want, but what is best for them.

section four: diet culture

as i’ve already played my hand up above with underweight vs haes, i think it’s kind of obvious that i have strong feelings about underweight not being healthy also. so i just want to take stock of what is and isn’t diet culture, and what i think about it. this is probably the most subjective part of this essay.

things i think are diet culture

people trying ridiculous diets. obviously diet culture in the purest sense. it’s real dumb. you need all the food groups to live. sometimes it’s okay, like cutting out sugar, but i’d say its a net negative

not trying to do lifestyle changes. that’s the sustainable way to lose weight. so. yeah.

weight cycling. actually still up for debate if this is bad. this paper says no, along with a lot of others, but i’m not sitting down and reading through all of them, and all of the ones that say its bad, to offer my opinion. i’m leaning towards “it’s better than nothing,” but we’ll see

a lot of other stuff i’m doing this off the top of my head and trying to avoid issues w eating disorders so.

things i think aren’t diet culture

women being pressured to look a certain way. that’s been going on for a long time. being skinny used to be bad. it’s a fact of the patriarchy.

most things? idk i have this impression that like, anyone exercising or eating healthy is a part of diet culture, when in reality, people just have different lifestyles. (also, again, if you’re going with haes, as in HealthyAES (hyaes?) you can’t call it unhealthy or you’re not respecting that damn E)

in conclusion: diet culture has issues, but the correct response to them is not “fuck you, i’m eating fourteen pounds of sugar.” eat fourteen pounds of sugar because you want to. (also it should be fat because if you really want to stick it to the man you should be eating fat, big sugar is responsible for a huge amount of todays dietary problems, both on the under/overweight side)

section five: discrimination

yeah no fuck people who discriminate about fat people. that’s all i’m just moving along to a transition since i was drifting away from my point about health.

section six: weight stigma

...is not responsible for your health issues. being obese is. accept the consequences of your lifestyle.

well. okay. that’s a little unfair. accept the consequences of not treating your chronic illness. and i feel i’ve probably lost people for calling obesity an illness but that’s the whole point of my post.

just like carrying externally heavy objects hurts your joints, so does carrying a lot of weight inside. fat does not cushion your organs, it kills them. getting rid of weight stigma will not make these issues go away.

the treatment for obesity is eating the number of calories you need to sustain a healthy weight at your current exercise levels. (*please consult with your doctor this is more complicated when you have to lose a lot of weight.)

section seven: cico. or, why your metabolism is fine

your body does not break the laws of thermodynamics. it cannot magically create more energy out of a given amount of calories.

there are issues with calorie counting, yes. i think it’s usually done in an unsustainable way that isn’t teaching people to make decisions, just to do math. it can be hard to get an accurate count.

but you are not a miracle of science. you have not discovered how to create and destroy energy. i’m sorry to be the one to break if to you.

if you don’t believe me, if you’re really sure your metabolism is different, go on and get it tested. tell your doctors. because it’s a major problem if it’s not working right.

similarly, i’m sorry, but if someone is the same height as you and a (very, like, +- 50 pounds) different weight, and neither of you have exisitng health conditions, you are not eating the same things/doing the same exercise. you have not broken the laws of physics.

possibly, one of you have untreated celiacs or something of the ilk meaning your body is actually malfunctioning. but if that’s true, i excluded you already, so shoo. get out of here and play in the sun with the other kids.

if you don’t believe this, there’s not much i can do to convince you. but i encourage you to count your calories for a month. find some tdee calculators. weigh yourself. make sure you count everything, it all goes down. check the math. (you can do any amount of time but a month is what you need for weight to be meaningful imo otherwise you’re just proving weight fluctuates a lot).

section eight: cico. or, why counting calories is not disordered eating

it can sure be a symptom of disordered eating, and it can certainly make disordered eating worse, but it isn’t an eating disorder.

also, assuming you’re not trying to verify the laws of thermodynamics, i don’t think counting every calorie is necessary. i have approximate values (500/meal, and around 300 in snacks), which i try not to go over or under.

yeah. i actually use calorie counting to make sure i’m eating enough in one sitting. some of my medication screws with my apetite and then i only eat like 300 calories and suddenly its like 11 and i need to go to bed but i’m hungry but eating before bed makes me feel terrible and it sucks.

but hey, according to some people, avoiding that is unhealthy.

okay i’m moving on before i get salty because the next section is touchy

section nine: eating disorders.

the three main eating disorders are listed way up there. they’re the first three. AN, BN, BED.

oh, yeah, binge eating? that’s actually disordered eating too. it’s not normal.

i’m not going to elaborate on the point because i absolutely know i can’t do it without getting really fucking angry that people call calorie counting disordered eating, like i haven’t watched a fifth grader eat one meal a day because she’s scared she’s overweight. like i haven’t watched a sixth grader cram food into his mouth until he’s sick because he’s worried he’s not bulky enough for sports. like i haven’t watched an eleventh grader tell me he hasn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday, but it’s fine, he doesn’t want his mac and cheese anyway, since he needs to lose weight.

you think someone keeping track of some numbers is an eating disorder? then either you’re lucky enough to never have to deal with eating disorders on a personal level, and i’m very happy for you, or you have, and you should maybe reevaluate that.

alright i’m cutting myself off now whoop.

section ten: intuitive eating

you know, much like haes, i want to like this. it fits in with my bad-food-makes-me-feel-bad mentality. i’m angry and tired and hungry because i ate like, a late breakfast/early lunch and now i need to eat again because if i don’t eat every six to eight hours i have a medical condition that makes me feel like shit (an aside: unless you’ve been told by a doctor, you don’t need to eat every 2-3 hours. unless you’re a child or have an applicable medical condition, you can probably eat one meal a day and be firne.)

but much like haes, it now has a meaning i can’t in good consience endorse. i can’t stand for a movement that tells people who acknowledge weight makes their joints hurt that they just need to keep eating until they feel better.

section eleven: conclusion

i have a lot more thoughts but again i’m hungry. i meant to talk more about IE and my problems with it but maybe that will be its own post.

i won’t say i’m happy to talk about this because i can’t promise i am (see: eating disorder issues.), but i will most likely respond to constructive discussion if someone sees this and wants to. i can also provide sources. i hate going, “sources available on request” but i tried to provide some stuff for some of the heavily disputed/i already had a source for it and didn’t have to dig through google scholar to find information that’s been peer reviewed.

and i do sincerely wish everyone, at any size, that they fracture the disconnect between them and their bodies (oop didn’t talk about that either another time then) & that they find peace with who they are, and that they get to live happy & fulfilling lives.

#fatphobia #anti haes #obesity #health #haes #i don't know how to tag this lmao sorry if i have a bad tag #q #mine #txt #7th #February #2021 #February 7th 2021 #essay #long post

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honestlyandrogynousnightmare · 4 years

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A study in Sherlock Holmes (s1e3)

So lets start this off on his inhumane tendencies. (FYI I do not believe he is a “high functioning sociopath”, pointing out his inhuman and sociopathic actions at the start of the series is just necessary to point out his development later on). BORED. This is truly when we first see how Sherlock acts in the absence of cases and distractions. He decides to shoot at a wall. The second odd thing we see is the head in the fridge. Its not exactly normal to keep heads in your fridge, though I'm not judging if you do. This sets his actions and beliefs throughout the episode up, perhaps not entirely ordinary and somewhat inhuman. This is continued through his behaviour towards the people who are making the phone calls. Its not that he doesn't entirely care, he focuses more on the case and the so called game instead. And that isn't entirely bad at all, its just clear that here, he lacks empathy for people. For whatever reason that is, whether he truly is a sociopath or he hides his feelings and emotions because it helps with cases. Though his focus on the case itself can go a bit far, especially the “although i did technically solve the case” part. Buttttt there is development by the end of the episode. Throughout the whole episode he ignores all the people getting killed but by the end he points out to Moriarty that "people have died" which shows that he does actually give a damn.

However, he does clearly feel upset when the old woman died and he was clearly stressed out of his mind when he has 10 seconds to save the little girl, so the emotions are there and you cant prove me otherwise lol.

Something else I noticed is that he is self aware of his lack of sympathy towards the victims. This is shown so greatly through the “heroes don't exist, if they did i wouldn't be one of them” quote. It not only shows that he is aware of the usual human reactions when bad things like this happen, it shows that he is aware of his emotional repression (or sociopathic tendencies if you believe that) but you could also say (this could be a stretch but oh well) that he doesn't entirely believe in himself either, because after all, his causes are good, he is on the good side but doesn't see himself as a necessarily good person.

Continuing on from my point on the study in TBB, i love his appreciation of the things he doesnt care much about. This is shown through the whole thing about the solar system, he cares about it so little that he doesn't know that the earth travels around the sun but he appreciates the beauty of it.

The ending of the episode is beautiful to me. When he thought he had to set the bomb off, his entire façade was broken. For those 2 seconds, vulnerability and perhaps even regret are the only things written on his face. Because he doesnt want to die, hes young, finally made a friend and loves his job, death is probably the last thing he wants. I saw this in a tumblr post a while ago, i cant remember the name of the blog but they said that this was the rebellious, rule breaking, disobedient child Mycroft sees and i think its a perfect summary.

This one could be a stretch too buttttt Donavan calling Sherlock a "freak" his expression does seem to change a little. It has always seemed to me that he really was bothered by people making fun of him, especially as he was made fun of at Uni and probably even before that. I'm not sure if it's me seeing things but it just shows that he does feel things and is actually affected by people like Donavan.

Now onto relationships:

The key thing about his relationship with John is the contrast between them, it's interesting how two such different people manage to live together. John is clearly still not entirely used to living with him, or perhaps will never fully be because let's face it, Sherlock isnt the most ordinary person. Their differences do seem to cause some issues though. Espiecally because John is prioritising lives instead of the game itself. Something I love is the "I'd be lost without my blogger" phrase. As funny and sarcastic as that may be, he does mean it. Because she literally would be lost without John, and that is shown throughout the rest of the series, everytime John and sherlock are separated, they're either not happy or one of them nearly dies. He does also give John a chance at deduction, not to make fun of him, just plainly giving him a chance which shows that it's not all arguments between them and that they are really friends. There is that small scene when John first steps out at the pool, when we cant see the bomb yet, when Sherlock really does start doubting John, so many emotions pass through him in that millisecond, I dont even need to list them, think about what you thought when first watching that. It was set up that way, us and Sherlock are meant to have the same reaction, shock, confusion, doubt, literal pain. Obviously that passes quickly, those emotions turn to worry for John. Something I feel like Sherlock never experienced to that extent, worrying for another person's safety. One other thing is the fact that they non verbally agreed to die together which is so telling of their relationship and how strong it is

His relationship with Mycroft is literally a classic sibling relationship put to the extreme. Sherlock is childish towards Mycroft, doesnt do a case hes interested in because Mycroft suggests it, and Mycroft is the stereotypical older sibling, calls Sherlock stupid every moment he can, acts like a greater human being but really does care about him.

Now onto Moriarty. Their characters mirror eachother so much, they have always been two sides of the same coin in my opinion. It's literally in their names "Colsultant Detective" and "Consulting Criminal". They're both smart, enjoy the game more than any outcome, and both have a great fashion sense. Sherlock admits it himself, "I cant be the only person in the world that gets bored", he knows why Moriarty is doing this, because hes similar to him, at least in that moment in time. Moriarty is what Sherlock could have become without Mycroft, whether he wants to admit it or not, Mrs Hudson, Lestrade, Molly and John. Though I dont believe they are overly similar later on in the series, when Sherlocks true colours start coming through, at this moment in time they are very similar. But anyway, their differences will be explored later on, when Sherlocks emotional side decides to show up. Though I wanna point out that Moriarty knows about Sherlocks sentimental side. He knows that he has a heart, and it's clear that Sherlock is just hiding that because Jim says that they "both" know. That heart, will later be "burned", apparently. And though Moriarty may not actually win after TRF, I still hold the opinion that he does partly, as throughout season 3 we do see how burned Sherlocks heart was buT THATS AN ESSAY FOR ANOTHER TIME!

#sherlock #sherlockian #superwholock #bbc sherlock #Sherlock holmes #sherlock series 1 #john watson #Johnlock #benedict cumberbatch #character analysis #character study #what am i doing

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gffa · 4 years

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@ap-trash-compactor replied:

1/7 I wanna preface this by saying I agree with everything you’re saying here but I think there’s another layer to how Raffa’s story functions both textually and meta-textually, and to what it illustrates about how many people in the Galaxy /might/ perceive the Jedi, which I personally haven’t seen addressed yet. Sorry in advance if this is something you’ve heard/read/discussed ten million times already, but... 2/7 If you took Raffa’s story out of Star Wars and put it into a contemporary drama, changed the word “Jedi” to the word “police,” and made the particulars about a high-speed car chase? I think it would sound pretty believable. And I think this illustrates something Palpatine does through the mechanism of the Clone Wars to make the position of the Jedi especially vulnerable or precarious wrt to public opinion. 3/7 Even if every single Jedi engages w the power and authority of their military or police role only in the best intentioned, most good-faith way imaginable (which the Umbara arc tells us doesn’t always happen), any time you are in a role where you, even have without wanting or intending to, exercise the power of life and death other lives, you will cause pain and be a target for resentment. Someone will lose someone, and be angry. 4/7 No matter how good or how well-intentioned or how compassionate they are, during the Clone Wars the Jedi are forced into the role of a state authority exercising the power of life and death. They are not only a cultural minority during the Clone Wars. They are also a branch of the state, and in that role they sometimes either kill people, or are involved in events where people die and where, no matter their intentions, they are the face of the state and the voice of authority. 5/7 Many of the military and police actions shown in different episodes of this series leave destruction in their wake. The Jedi’s participation is barely by choice and almost never by preference— but if you are one of the Raffas of the galaxy and your parents just died, the distinction probably does not matter much. I think this is a corner Palpatine absolutely wanted to paint the Jedi into, because it absolutely serves his goals. 6/7 There are not many Jedi during the Clone Wars. Certainly there are not many compared to the problems they are trying to fix. I have no doubt Luminara tried her best, wanted a different outcome, and gave Raffa all the comfort she had the time and the opportunity to give... But if you are one of the Raffas of the galaxy and your only direct experience of the Jedi is like the one Raffa describes? You’re probably primed to consume all of Palpatine’s worst lies. 7/7 If you’re Palpatine, making the Jedi rush from violent crisis to violent crisis doesn’t just distract them from the fact that you’re a Sith Lord — it also makes the Jedi into the face of a lot of negative, hurtful interactions with the state, which is going to impact the way people see them.

I think you and I are very much on the same page! I have discussed this before (the public’s turning on the Jedi), but I’m always down for discussing it again! Especially when I love pretty much allllll of this. If you’re Palpatine, making the Jedi rush from violent crisis to violent crisis doesn’t just distract them from the fact that you’re a Sith Lord — it also makes the Jedi into the face of a lot of negative, hurtful interactions with the state, which is going to impact the way people see them. You are spot on with your summation, to the point it’s almost hard for me to respond with anything because I feel like all I can do is bang my fist on the table and go, “Yes! This is what I’ve been talking about!” Though, of course, there is a lot going on here that’s making it complicated. This post that you’re responding to is focused more specifically on the theme of unreliable narrators + the close associations this season has had with Revenge of the Sith (the moments that make us sit up and go, “Oh, that’s foreshadowing for stuff in ROTS!” like Padme’s pregnancy, Anakin’s advice to Rex, etc.), but there’s also what you’re talking about here--that it’s been a long-running theme in the GFFA that public sentiment turned against the Jedi and that the causes of that are fascinating. I said a bunch of times that Rafa’s hurt in this episode is valid, that there’s room for both the Jedi acting with honorable intentions and that people don’t trust them, don’t draw comfort from them, that these things are not mutually exclusive and you’re hitting on exactly why--because they were put into a situation where, if they’re not 100% perfect, then they’re going to fall off the pedestal they’ve been put onto. That any flaw they have will then get magnified a hundred times. Luminara seems to have made a point to go back and try to talk to Rafa, to tell her a phrase that is narratively meaningful within Star Wars on a meta level, like, that says to me that she has really good intentions! But that Rafa doesn’t draw any comfort from it, as a non-Force sensitive and someone who probably is left to the Republic’s shitty welfare services (which isn’t the Jedi’s jurisdiction, they’re not social workers and we can’t expect them to be), doesn’t undercut Luminara’s presumed good intentions, just as Luminara’s presumed good intentions don’t undercut Rafa’s hurt. And that it’s understandable--because, as the Maul arc in season 5 says, the Jedi aren’t doing the things that they used to do, that crime is flourishing because they’re being so busy with this war they’ve been drafted into. Even Star Wars: Propaganda makes it clear that public sentiment turned against the Jedi because of a cultural absence, rather than anything they actively did. This is all by design from Palpatine, that he’s keeping them so busy putting out tire fires on Ryloth (who were being slaughtered by the Separatists), on Mon Calamari (who were being enslaved by the Separatists), on Kiros (who were being kidnapped and taken into the resumed Zygerrian slave empire), that they don’t have time to do the things they used to, like take care of a lot of the criminal elements or the outreach programs that we see hinted at in the supplementary material. The Jedi had to make a choice between fighting in a war where entire worlds were being enslaved, that there were only so many of them and they were dying, that they died in droves on Geonosis in Attack of the Clones and they’re dying every day in the war, that they were literally one out of six billion in the galaxy at their height, and that they had a million expectations placed on them. They have very little political capital/power, yet they’re expected to solve all the problems in ways that will last. They’re expected to police the Underworld, but also not police the Underworld because then they’re restricting people. They’re expected to be social workers. They’re expected to fight and die in a war that the public itself refuses to stand up in. And when they don’t live up to those impossible perfections, they’re torn down. This is not to set aside that of course there are instances of people like Trace and Rafa, where the destruction wreaked by chasing down someone like Ziro is going to sometimes cause people to get hurt and, honestly, I don’t feel like Rafa really blamed Luminara for that, given the acknowledgement of the crowded platform she was trying to avoid. But if she had? That, too, would have been reasonable and understandable! That it doesn’t matter if the Jedi were doing literally everything they could, that doesn’t mean there’s not also room for Rafa’s hurt. And that, even if I think there was absolutely nothing that Luminara could say that would have given Rafa comfort, that doesn’t make Rafa’s hurt/viewpoint any less empathizable. My blog tends to focus on the Jedi side of things because those are the characters I’m interested in, not because they’re the only element that matters. In the meta we’re responding to, a lot of the focus is on Luminara and the Jedi because that’s my jam, that’s the part I thrive on, but we’re definitely in agreement that Rafa’s feelings are not wrong and it’s not hard to see where they come from! I do take issue with the idea of--whether it’s true or not, we can all argue about it all day long, but it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not--that if the Jedi are remote and distant from the galaxy, that that narratively is approved of how they then “kind of brought their downfall (aka, violent genocide) on themselves”. That’s something I’ve seen skirted around in commentary from the creators and I’m wary of it leaking into the narrative in a more substantial way. But that’s an entirely separate issue from the fact that anti-Jedi sentiments exist in the narrative and that they led to the Jedi Purge/Jedi genocide. As part of the propaganda and manipulations Palpatine did, yes, absolutely, that is one of the most fascinating things! And that doesn’t mean that there’s not validity to those feelings, even if they’re rooted in propaganda and manipulation! But that, just as there’s room for Rafa’s hurt despite Luminara’s intentions, there’s room for the Jedi’s good intentions despite the public’s hurt and/or mistrust. My thing is that I tend to look at why the Jedi act the way they do and I usually come away with empathy for how they got into the situations they did. Like, take their alignment with the Republic, which was an organization with corruption down to the roots by the time of the Twilight of the Republic, that that association absolutely led to their downfall/genocide. But what else could they do? Being part of the Republic in that way allowed them to actually help people, to have negotiating power, to form treaties that would be honored even when they were no longer on a given planet. If they weren’t under the jurisdiction of the Senate, they could not have helped as many people as they did, especially because how would they even be able to afford starship fuel or housing costs? Would they charge people for their services? That’s a disaster waiting to happen! There’s room for both “the best option for the Jedi was to be part of the Republic and try to improve the system from the inside, which is what they did” AND “the being part of the Republic is what ultimately fucked them”, those things are both true! but if you are one of the Raffas of the galaxy and your parents just died, the distinction probably does not matter much. I think this is a corner Palpatine absolutely wanted to paint the Jedi into, because it absolutely serves his goals. Spot on! I have fun looking at what Luminara’s intentions likely were and what the context of the structure of the show entails, that Rafa’s character doesn’t have to be a reliable narrator to be valuable (and I say this as someone who actually really loves the unreliable narrators of SW, which honestly is almost literally every single character, very few are ones you can take at face value without seeing the circumstances for yourself), but to Rafa it doesn’t really matter what Luminara did or didn’t say, because that’s not what she was looking for or what she got out of that conversation. I can’t say I would act differently in her position! And that’s exactly what Palpatine did. He pulled the Jedi in so many different directions, made them responsible for things that literally no group could possibly have survived with public sentiment intact, and even if the Jedi had been literally perfect (which they weren’t), it wouldn’t have mattered, given that the entire point of the prequels is that you gotta choose between Shitty Option A and Shitty Option B. It’s the galaxy’s worst ever version of, “Which would you rather?” except its real and you have to play the game, because not playing gets you fucked over even faster, like it did with Mandalore.

#rafa martez #jedi order #meta #tcw spoilers #long post

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benmcm18 · 3 years

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Group 7 Independent Project!

Pre Production -

This is the second time I’m working with Group 7. It is truly an honour to be surrounded by such talented people. We have learnt from last time and we thought it would be interesting to switch up the roles. Here was what we ended up with:

Director - Jack

Cinematographer - Bonnie

Producer - Heather

Production Design - Ben

Editor - Heather

Writer - Tom

Here were also the tasks we sorted ourselves:

Write a 1-page proposal (synopsis and directors statement) - JACK (13th May)

Make the movie - Jack

Make a plan and a schedule for your work - Heather

Create a mood board (Each character) - Ben

Create a sonic world for the film (no dialogue / no voice-over) - Heather and Ben

Cut together a series of still images or sequences of footage to create a 2min film - Heather

Record some sound effects using objects you have in your room/ house - you can record on your phone. - Heather and Ben

Source and use sound effects and Atmos sound on Freesound. - Tom

Make a storyboard + animatic - Bonnie

Source footage - eg shoot, take stills, source stills, or work with stock footage from Film Supply to envision your idea - Bonnie

Shot list - Bonnie

Scriptwriting and development - Tom

Present it at the crit - receive feedback - Everyone

Write a short critical reflection on your blog. - Everyone

Songs - Everyone

As Production designer I had to create a mood board. We had discussed in meetings what aesthetic we wanted to go for and I believe we ended up with a mixture between films like “Moonrise Kingdom” and “Fight Club”. Either way, these were two of the films I took inspiration from when working on the mood board of the film.

Additionally, I had to think of the costume for both actors. For the man I chose to instead of having major differences in the two separate costumes to instead change them subtly to give a feeling he is still grounded in reality. So that means I added the glasses, changed the tie and gave him a watch to switch up how he looked. The Imagination costume is inspired from Ewan MacGregor’s character in “Big Fish'' we wanted to give him a full blue costume originally but I realised fairly soon that that wasn’t going to happen. So I adapted and decided to use his ties as a means of stating which reality he was in. When he is in the “dream world” he has a very colourful yellow tie but when he returns to his office I believe we went with a black/red tie.

For the woman, I chose to give her a very colourful look. This was purely so she could match the imagination around her. I discussed with Bonnie about possibly putting flowers in her hair but for some reason we couldn’t find anything. In regards to the rest of her costume I gave her shades so that there would be a physical separation between the two. If he can’t make eye contact with her how is he supposed to connect.

Overall, I’m very happy with the costumes and for a first attempt I’m actually quite proud.

Finally, set design. I had recently worked on a project called “Pied” where I had to create a whole set for my actors. That was pretty much my crash course for this independent project. Using the knowledge I can gain from creating that set I tried implementing it into the office workspace and the picnic arrangement. I’m happy with it but it will honestly be down to you to decide if I did a good job. If I could mention any little “fun facts” about what I did here would be a few:

I used a ping-pong table as the walls splitting the workspace

I tried spreading the food along the picnic like a wall that separated the two of them.

There is a jar of pickles in one of the shots. I don’t know who would bring a jar of pickles to a picnic but I thought it would be funny

On the back wall of the office there is a bunch of hidden Easter eggs *HOWEVER* David’s massive head covers them up!

In regards to how the other team members did. We developed the script ideas until we landed on this one. Jack had a great idea about filming some really nice shots of food. We were actually quite a big fan of this idea. I just thought Heather’s idea would allow us to experiment more.

Tom then wrote a (very) detailed script in collaboration with Heather, Bonnie drew a genuinely fantastic storyboard (she is too hard on herself haha) and Jack prepared for the shoot. One issue that presented itself fairly soon was the fact we had two actors on set. However, our Producer (Heather) handled it like a pro and we managed to get the all clear. Overall, a very hardworking start with the promise of Bonnie doing a short animation for the storyboard. (I’m looking forward to hopefully seeing it)

Production -

The shoot day was very fun. We all arrived at 11:30am and we made our way over to the location. Originally, we had planned to film on top of a hill however, things quickly changed and Jack said there was a fantastic path to film on. I was fairly set on the hill idea (As I had imagined the scene being somewhat similar to the UP opening montage) but he said it was a better location and I trust him.

So this is where it got a bit funky. It turns out the location had been converted into a dirt road since the last time Jack had been there. This was a bit demoralising as we had carried a lot of props out but luckily we had seen a location closer to the beach that could possibly work and the rest was history. That very location near the beach ended up where we would film.

With Jack directing and myself on camera we began to make our way through the storyboard Bonnie had devised. I have to be honest there were parts where we deviated from what was on the storyboard: For example, there is a section where he falls over however it didn’t look natural so we thought of another way to film it. This was where I got a bit carried away with VFX. In the long run I’m pretty sure everyone is happy with it but I wasn’t too sure at the time.

Jack did well as a director, he worked well with David and Kady especially when it came to movements of the actors. There isn’t any dialogue in the scenes so it's mainly physical language instead of verbal. My only advice for Jack would be to do a bit more research on the project before going onto the shoot because there were parts of the shoot where actors would ask questions about their character and I wasn’t confident he knew the answer.

In regards to me, I find it very hard to create something someone else envisions because I’m used to directing and filming projects on my own. I definitely think I improved on this project and having the storyboard and detailed script was a big help. I also felt I should have been more prepared as it didn’t look very good in front of the actors with me fiddling around with the camera because I had set it up in the wrong position.

Overall, I think it was a very fun shoot and it went pretty smoothly. You're going to hit speed bumps on the way but I believe Jack and I handled them well.

Oh also, forgot to mention that I had to also record sound and label all the audio and footage for Heather (why do I almost call you Clair XD) It didn’t take as long as I expected and was actually somewhat therapeutic if you can believe haha.

Post-Production -

The post production process has been going well. We have plenty of time until the deadline and we have already got a very solid draft edit so I’m not worried. I just kind of want to get it finished.

First and foremost, Heather has been doing a fantastic job editing the video. She works efficiently, takes feedback on board and seems to me to have a very solid feel on the fundamentals of editing. Looking at the edit now, there are definite issues but nothing that can’t be solved in 10 minutes. It’s clean, fluid and most of all enjoyable to watch. I’m worried without a synopsis people might not get it but I guess you could see it as “up for interpretation” haha!

Before I talk about my role in the Post-Production process, I just want to mention who else is working on the edit as well. Bonnie is planning on adding some very small animations to the edit to give it that feeling of “not-reality” I think this is crucial because without the animation in the shots. When the man defies the laws of physics it will seem really strange. I believe Tom is doing sound, I’ve supplied them with plenty of audio from on set and am free at anytime to get more for them so it will just be down to when it is completed, I have faith that Tom will create something really special with the Sound design as he will probably blend the sound of the surrounding nature with cold office sounds. I’m excited.

Now onto the part I play. I offered to do the VFX for the film and I’m very happy with them. It’s nothing incredibly tedious to create. It’s very basic motion tracking and keyframing but I think using it in small doses works well and with it accompanied by the animation and sound it will take the film to new levels of quality.

I’m just going to talk about the final VFX shot as it was the most challenging (but fun) part to work on. First, I had to figure out how I was going to get the image of Kady onto the wall without printing her because I realised I would be able to match up the shots if I had just zoomed out from an actual image. So I went for a bit of green paper. I motioned tracked it through After Effects and then played with the colour so it matched the scene. I then added an artificial zoom in Premiere and I got the final result. Now, it is not perfect in any means. I wasn’t able to track back any further than I did so the image in the paper actually moves but with the help of Heather and the use of changing aspect ratios I think it really works. I guess we will have to see how people respond.

So that is about everything on the project. I will be back to reflect next month on the finished project. Hopefully it turns out okay. Hopefully, it doesn’t turn into a train wreck. I’m sure it won’t :)

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apilgrimsjournal · 3 years

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Post tenebras lux

I believe it is only fitting to recount how God changed my life and decided to create this blog. This is a long one, beware.

I was given three names at birth: Fayye Ann Eloise. I am currently 24 years old and the only child of my parents. Also, I was not always a Christian. I grew up having little to no knowledge of God so naturally, I had no regard for the Scriptures as well. The only thing my mother taught me about God was to pray to Him when I need something or I have problems I could not solve on my own. God never seemed real to me before so I only prayed at desperate times.

As an only child, I only have cousins as my siblings. Back then, Ate Din and I were the only nieces and at the same time grandkids. We shared, unequally if I might add, the affections of our aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I used to always be compared with my Ate Din (she is one year older than me.) In my petty imagination, she was the favorite grandchild and niece. They, my relatives, always uttered remarks such as how she was the prettier, fairer (I was and still am tan), smarter, hardworking, and basically liked by everyone in the family. On the other hand, I was always her shadow, just the second to anything to our relatives (at least that was how it felt.) Ate was always the better one and their comparison hurt me more than I cared to admit before that as a result, I tried to find strength by being disrespectful, disobedient, and stubborn at heart. Because in my foolish thinking, I could never be good enough for them anyway so might as well be the mischievous and unpleasant one. In that way, they could dislike me for valid reasons (absurd, I know.) Years passed and I was teenager with a lot of issues. On top of the concerns I had as a child, I also had this notion that my parents did not love me enough to understand me or even tried to because they often had to work long hours a day to support our living since we are not a rich family. They barely spent time with me and the only times they did were during meals, either lunch or dinner, on their rest days. You get the picture: a teenager with abandonment issues. I always felt alone and unimportant (felt because now I am older I realized that was not the case.) Moreover, my parents separated before I entered college and I was left to live with my mother’s side of the family and my father went to live on his own. I found out that the reason for their separation was that they were both unfaithful to each other. As their only child, I could not help but wonder why they chose their own pleasures instead of our family’s welfare. Why marry if they had no resolve to keep their vows? Why bear a child if you would just choose yourself over their own sake? Why love at all if all your love would be just fleeting feelings that once lost you renege? And as I was wallowing in my self-made sorrow that accumulated from childhood to teenage years, I sought attention from other people. And this is where it all went wrong.

What more deceivingly gratifying outlet could a confused, lost, and seemingly unloved teenage girl have than boys? Yes, I delighted in male attention at a young age (I am cringing in shame and disgust as I am writing this, by the way.) I wanted validation and attention badly that when some boy took notice of me, I held fast to it. I did everything I could to make that boy like me for as long as I wanted him so it could somehow fill the deep and hollow void I used to have inside me. But then, things happened and that boy stopped showing interest and ceased to give me attention. And so in my pathetic attempt to occupy the emptiness I felt by using and manipulating someone to give the validation I so much craved, it only grew deeper still. You would think that I learned my lesson right there and then but, no because I used to be stubborn about things I thought could bring me happiness.

The Bible says that the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick (Jeremiah 17:9-10) and so my own heart deceived me to continue on searching for the same sickening ordeal of acquiring validation through the same means again and again until I ended up with ex-boyfriends. I had to be in different relationships to learn that I can never ever be fulfilled or satisfied by another human being. It really does not matter how many boys I try to flirt with, ultimately, they are just as broken from different struggles, just as sad over several disappointments, and just as incomplete people seeking for temporary pleasures to escape their reality as I am. Besides, I also bought into this life’s idea of being “wild and free” which include partying and drinking with friends and strangers and pleasing the crowd by doing the same “cool” things they do. I was a hedonist at heart so much that whatever was pleasurable in my understanding, whatever gratified my craving, and whatever I deemed important even at the expense of others, I did all out of selfish desires. Ironically, the more I did what I wanted in the name of “freedom” the more confined it felt, like I constantly had to do those things not to feel down. This series of fleeing from the truth of who I became and avoiding the unresolved issues in me continued on until May 2020.

When the pandemic began, I was more hopeless than I could ever have anticipated. The deep yearning of wanting something firm, unchanging, reliable, and solid foundation to rely and depend on kept growing in me because, in all honesty, I was exhausted of quick fixes, temporary patches, and short-lived improvements on my self. I wanted and needed something more abiding and enduring cure to all the pain and damages I have intentionally incurred. Little did I know that it was God who was responsible for that yearning of my heart. And slowly, He impressed upon me, through Biblical Christian sermons and Bible verses, that Christ is that strong and solid rock that I was looking for all my life (Matthew 7:24-27.) Christ is the full measure of joy and pleasure that I was so keen to have (Psalm 16:11.) Christ is the rest and help I needed to be unloaded of my burdens (Matthew 11:28-30.) But there is one huge problem: I am too sinful to be able to stand at God’s presence. My sins and shame hinder me from enjoying the presence of God. But God, in His most beautiful grace, showed mercy on me and caused me to see the full weight of my sins in His eyes. For once, He made me see all the skeletons I piled up in my closet which I desperately hid from all these years. Do not get me wrong, it is His mercy that He showed me the gravity of my sins for by it He made me realize my need of Savior and Redeemer who ultimately is Jesus Christ. If my sins are nothing but foolish mistakes and can easily be written off as nothing serious, then I could never praise and give glory to God the Father for sending His only begotten Son to die on the cross as the propitiation for my sins. You see God is holy and not just holy, for in Isaiah 6:3 it says, “And one called to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of His glory!” God is thrice holy God so His holiness demands that my sins be punished. And He did but He pinned it all on Christ (Isaiah 53:6) and not on me so that I could now come to God’s presence without fault in His eyes since I have been justified through faith by Christ’s complete work on the Calvary which He gave me as well because saving faith is given and not earned (Romans 5:1-2.) I am forgiven only in Christ and now I can fully enjoy Christ as the ultimate pleasure of my life: the better and best thing I have always wanted. What immeasurable joy! What freedom! I resonate with David on how joyful and freeing it felt knowing that all my sins are forgiven and not only that He also promises to be with me all the days of my life (Psalm 32.)

Now, in Christ, I am able to face any struggle, challenges, trials, and setbacks in my life with joyful heart knowing there will come a time that I would be with the LORD in the future, that everything happens for His own purpose and will, and that all my sorrows on earth are nothing compared to the future glory He has promised His loved ones (Romans 8:18.) I would be lying if I say that nothing hurts me now or that all is well with my life because that is not reality; only wishful thinking. But what Christ promised to His people is that He will give grace when we are weak and most in need of it. The difference now that I am in Him is that I do not have to go through this life alone. I now have my Rock, my hiding place, and my fortress to sustain and be with me as I walk through this temporal world as a pilgrim who wants to come to her true home soon. Also, even when I fall short and still sin, which is often if I am being honest, I know He will complete the good work He started in my life not for me but to the praise of God’s glory (Philippians 1:6.)

I have more stories to tell on how God lovingly changed me to be His daughter but I guess this post will never come to an end if I were to do so. But here I am, genuinely sharing to you that the once serial dater, promiscuous, worldly, and self-absorbed hedonistic girl is now a Christian woman whose only goal in life is to please God and give Him glory all the days of her life. I want nothing else and nothing else could ever come close to the joy of knowing God and being known by Him.

I just want everyone to know that no one is too far off from grace or too unforgivable because if God can turn my heart of stone into a beating flesh and change my affections to Himself considering how wretched and despicable I was so can he to anyone. My prayer is that all will come to taste and see the goodness of God.

Let me end my story with one of my favorite classic hymns:

O the deep, deep love of Jesus

Vast unmeasured, boundless, free

Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me

Underneath me, all around me, is the current

Of Thy love

Leading onward, leading homeward to

Thy glorious rest above

O the deep, deep love of Jesus

Tis a heav'n of heav'ns to me

And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to Thee

O the deep, deep love of Jesus

Spread His praise from shore to shore

How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth

Never, nevermore

Maranatha!

#christian #jesussaves #thank god

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the-hilda-librarians-wife · 4 years

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Potentially loaded question but do you think Frida was forgiven a little too easily? Like considering how much she lashed out at Hilda and David then turned to the marra. I know she's a kid and it's understandable to make mistakes, but from a story structure point of view was it earned or rushed? This came up in a discord chat and

you're the most active Hilda blog I've seen (also you're super cool and I accidentally hit send too early 🤣)

Hey there, anon! Okay, so... I had actually never given this topic much thought before, so after I read you ask this stuck in my head. I even re watched The Black Hound so I could remember things and answer you properly. I’m not the best at media analysis, but this is a very interesting point that you brought up so I’ll do my best to break it down so I can try to explain my mixed feelings about this subject.

(Also please forgive me but this is not at all a straight forward answer, I’ve rambled a bit so there’s even a cut😅)

First off, I think we should consider Frida’s mistakes as two separate things: one would be lashing out at Hilda and David, and the second one would be joining the Marra. It’s clear that they’re both connected and that one led to the other, but their orders of magnitude are so different that I think it wouldn’t be appropriate to consider them the same mistake.

So let’s begin by her lashing out. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that the argument scene was right after they fought a ghost. Taking that into consideration, I can understand why she lashed out. She was feeling scared after a life threatening situation, and that plus the emotional stress that she was going through, with questioning everything she’d ever thought she was, made her burst. But even though it was understandable, it wasn’t justifiable, specially since she told Hilda some things that didn’t even have to do with the ghost situation.

And stopping to think about it, it did sort of bother me that this happened, and then Hilda and David after long seemed to have forgotten it. In the Nisse episode, they’re worried about Frida missing classes and sparrow scouts meetings, and so they simply go to her house and... act completely normal. It is normal for people to be worried when they know someone they care about is going through a rough patch in life and it stops them from leaving their house. I mean, it’s a symptom of a few mental illnesses, even. But the fact that they just went to her house, no questions asked, and acted as if nothing had happened just didn’t sit well with me. Especially because it would have been a simple matter to solve. People lash out with some frequency, it’s nothing out of this world. If Frida had just apologized and explained why she had said what she did, things would have been fine, somewhat. But she didn’t really, and things only got worse.

And that takes us to the Marra issue. Not only did Frida all but discard her old friendships without amuch of a reason, she also looked for friendship somewhere else. But let’s think about it, though. Frida isn’t going to school. Frida hasn’t been leaving her house, we know this. So how could she have met Kelly? This whole situation gives me the feeling that somehow the Marra know when someone is vulnerable, and that Frida was manipulated to become Kelly’s friend.

Sounds reasonable, right?

But the thing is that Kelly isn’t just some mean girl that Frida wants to impress (probably because when you’re young you think teenagers are cool for some reason). Kelly is a marra and Frida knew that.

In the end of The Nisse, we see Frida around the campfire, feeding off of nightmares herself, and in the beginning of The Black Hound, we see Kelly throwing Frida forward saying “last to join, first to get eaten”. These two occasions make it clear that Frida didn’t only befriend her, she joined the Marra, even though it seemed like she was at some sort of apprenticeship stage still. And that’s something I can’t wrap my mind around.

This isn’t lashing out in the heat of the moment. She had time to form a “bond” with Kelly, and I’m assuming that she didn’t only learn that she was a Marra after Kelly brought her to the forest. I mean, if she’d just dragged Frida to the campfire and said “surprise, I’m a nightmare spirit and I’m recruiting you!” she’d definitely try and get away, because she’d be scared! So there was some time for her to get used to that idea, not only that Kelly was a Marra, but also that they wanted her to be one as well.

I could argue that Kelly groomed Frida to accept, and it’s a factor that we definitely should keep in mind; grooming is not something to be taken lightly. But after what we see in The Nightmare Spirit? I’m sorry to say this, but Frida should have known better. She saw those spirits torturing her best friends. She had already seen what they were. And I can’t get it in my head that she simply ignored that! That could have been some sort of revenge against them, but it wasn’t, because there seems to be no more resentment from Frida’s side after her blow up in The Ghost. So something that could easily have been vengeance (even though Hilda and David did nothing wrong) was actually just what she chose? Probably manipulated but otherwise unprompted?

And now we get to her “redemption arc”. Let’s take a look, shall we?

This scene happened right after they ran away from the hound. Frida offers to help him, and this is what she says while doing it:

“You were right, you know? About my new, so called, friends.”

This quote actually made me realize something. I could be wrong, but has Frida, at any point in the series, said that David was right? Specially while saying that she was wrong? We see her look remorseful in The Sparrow Scouts, but I don’t think we’ve ever heard her saying that she was wrong before, and I think it was probably very hard for her to say it. Next, she says:

“I’m sorry, I’ve been acting like an idiot.”

And to her credit, she really does look sorry.

For the next few minutes of this episode, there are other instances where she tries to take back what she’s said and done. When Hilda is with her by her door, she says she trusts her and comes up with a plan to help her get a badge. When she is collecting Kelly’s garage sale stuff, she tells him to keep her plushie, because “it’s never a good idea to throw away your real friends”. And while I loved those scenes (and that last one was quite the shade she threw at Kelly, ngl), I’m not at all sure that this serves as a redemption arc (amen, after eleven paragraphs I finally answered the question!)

If all of that had been said before her joining the Marra, I would have thought it perfect. Like you said, anon, she’s a kid, it’s understandable that she doesn’t have a good enough grip over her emotions not to lash out in stressful situations. But this was all done after a more complex and problematic action on her part.

So what would have been a good redemption arc? Well... I don’t think she’ll be completely redempted before she does something to earn their friendship back, instead of just saying apologizing. It would be super cool to have her actually, idk, “resist temptation” for her friends. Maybe if the marra came back and a tried to manipulate her into joining them again, and she refused, that would be a nice way to tie her redemption arc.

Since what you asked was an opinion and not an AU, let’s get back to it. I think it was really easy to have Frida just deliver a few meaningful lines and try to help Hilda earn a badge (though I think she would have done that regardless of trying to apologize, and so would any good friend) and write her off as redempted. But that really didn’t work completely, because it’s easy to be kind and nice when the problem has already passed. How will Frida react when their friendship goes through another tough situation? Will she lash out again or has she learned from her mistakes? We don’t know, because at no point was it shown that she learned.

And now we get to how I feel about it from a storytelling point of view. This redemption is what had been building up since episode 9, and since the Vittra episode we were shown that Frida needed a cold reality shower. Don’t get me wrong, I love her, but if she didn’t realize that she couldn’t be perfect, and that putting her attempts at perfection above her friends was an awful choice, she would only have problems later in life.

What I mean is, with so much build up to this arc, and so much significance to it, it’s disappointing that we had what, half an episode for it? If only the time had been taken to put Frida in a situation where she proved that what she went through made her learn, but no, they didn’t take the time. Which is a shame, because seeing Frida’s character development is always delightful to me.

Summing it up: Frida’s lashing out made sense to me and it was a somewhat easy matter to solve. However if there’s no more said about this topic in season 2, her redemption arc will have been, in my eyes, rushed and incomplete, because nothing was done to show that Frida actually learned. It’s a shame that they didn’t dedicate more time to expanding on that arc, because it was a story that was due to being developed ever since the first episodes.

Thank you for this ask, anon! This was very fun to think about and write, and I’m happy to know I come across as cool :D

#frida hilda #hilda the series #hilda netflix #does this count as meta? i think it does #hilda meta #frida #wife answers asks

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