#I decided to not gatekeep my progress making ocs

[berry-bread-bakery]

I decided to not gatekeep my tf ocs uhmmm so here is one of them:

Lightstrike✨

Currently working on his full Ref sheet (finally) but I’ve had this guy since like September 2022(first tf oc omg)

His alt mode is a WB-57 Canberra :3

Some of the better old art of him from last year😭⤵️

Ngl I still kind of like his older design even if it’s a year old, might integrate it into maybe like his Cybertronian alt-design rather than Earth design.

[shegoesbyarose]

All I Ask

A/N: This is my take on Endgame Thor. Obviously, if you haven’t seen it, DO NOT read this. Really. You’ll spoil so much. 

AGAIN, DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ENDGAME!!!!!!!!!!!

Words: 3.5k

Weakly proofread

Pairing: Thor x Black!OC 

Song Inspo: All I Ask by Adele

Warnings: Angst, PTSD, and other elements relating to mental health

TAGS: @kreolemami @letsshamelessqueen-m @marvelmaree @nina-sj @kpizzletrash

All I Ask

"How is he?"

Naomi stilled.

She hated that question. Absolutely loathed it. What was the reasoning for it? Really. She wanted to verbalize the mental question but decided against it and continued stirring the unblended coffee.

"How’s training?"

Sam sighed and leaned forward, elbows on the table. "I could ask you the same thing."

She rolled her eyes. "Don’t start."

"Naomi."

"I don’t want to argue with you, Sam."

"I don't want you to argue with me either. I just wanna have a discussion."

"A discussion that will, no doubt, end in an argument." She scoffed, bringing her coffee to her mouth before adding. "I can’t believe that you, of all people, are questioning why I’m doing this."

"Oh, I know the why. We all do. It’s the how."

She leaned back and narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"

The Avenger mimicked his baby sister’s motion and leaned forward, lowering his voice. "Helping me was one thing, Mimi-"

"Yeah, and I did it," she quickly countered. "Why is this any different?"

"Because the stakes are higher," he stressed. "We’re not talking about a Vet, sis. This is, hell, a god-"

"No," she shook her head. "This is a man in need of help. A man that I love and am not giving up on."

"No one says that you have to. We just want you to be careful. I want you to be careful."

She turned her head and chewed down on her lip. Sam meant well. She wouldn’t be sitting there if she thought otherwise. It’d always been in his nature to look after her. He was the stereotypical overprotective older brother who was still struggling to accept that his nearing 30 sister was no longer in need of his protection.

She was a grown woman, a former S.H.I.E.L.D agent who’d worked her way up to Level 7 clearance before the infamous collapse. She’d sparred with Natasha, fought alongside the same team her brother was a member of.

She was far from inexperienced from many things in life, and helping someone suffering from PTSD was no exception.

After all, she’d done it for him. When Sam returned from Afghanistan, he was a shell of himself. Haunted by the horrors of war and survivor’s guilt, nothing could have prepared Naomi for the blowback of the trauma her only sibling had faced.

Sleepless nights, episodes of screaming and nonsensical rambling, Sam was a far cry from the jokester she grew up with, but she fought with him, for him.

Every appointment, every therapeutic assignment, every counseling session, she was there every step of the way, determined to help him find his way back, and he did.

Few people knew about Sam’s darkest period, but Naomi did. All too well. She’d lived through it with him, and she’d been successful.

Just how she was going to be with-

"You should at least have some backup there with you-"

She impatiently tapped her natural nails against the wooden table. "Backup? I don't need backup, Sam. This isn't a mission, and I mean, Korg and Miek are there."

"What the hell are Rocky and Bullwinkle gonna do?"

"Sam!"

"Sorry." He lifted his hands. "I just want you to keep your options open."

"What options?"

"Have you thought about bringing somebody else in?"

"Somebody like who? No one else can get through to him like I can."

"Is that a hope or a fact?"

"What do you want from me? I can’t-" She turned her head and swallowed deeply. The sob in the back of her throat was desperately trying to push its way to the surface. "I won’t give up on him."

"I know you won’t," he sighed, his eyes filling with sadness. "But that doesn’t mean he hasn’t given up on himself."

••••

I understand Sam’s concern, and on one hand, I’m grateful. It’s nice having someone who cares. Or, rather, knowing that someone cares.

Naomi sighed, lifting her head and tapping the pen against the paper. The breeze swept past her body, splashing her curls against her face. The sound of seagulls and the gushing waves of the sea served as background noise for her journaling.

I know he still cares for me, that he loves me. I feel it. It's just, it’s hard for him to express it, and I don’t fault him. How can I? It may have only been a matter of minutes for me, but it was years for him. Five.

I’m trying to help him work through five years of marinated guilt and trauma, all of which he’s deeply suppressed and "treated" in a number of inappropriate ways.

"I’m going for a walk. Would you like to join me?" She already knew his answer, but that didn’t stop her from asking.

His eyes lit up for a second, and her hope lifted. Typically, he declined right away, but there was a brief second of contemplation, and she took it. Even the most minute signs of progress were worth acknowledging.

"No, that’s alright," he politely objected, chuckling awkwardly as he rubbed at his arm. "I-uh-should stick around in case the cable man shows up."

"Of course," she smiled softly, shrugging her cardigan over her tank. Naomi moved closer to him, taking note of how he swallowed as she placed her hand against his cheek, his untamed hair lightly scratching the inside of her palm. "Well, I won’t be long."

For a brief second, I thought about kissing him. I wanted to. God, I wanted to. It’s....hard. I crave intimacy, to be close to him, to be one with him again. Sleeping in separate rooms is hard enough. I suppose the intermittent distance between us should have helped, but there’s a difference between physical distance and emotional distance.

Everything happened so suddenly. One minute, she was in Wakanda, coming to consult with T’Challa, and the next, she was on a jet going to help rescue Wanda and Vision.

Naomi received a brief rundown from Nat. Something had attacked New York. Something not from Earth. Tony was unaccounted for, and Bruce, who’d been missing for years, called and said that they needed help.

Thanos, some extraterrestrial being, was apparently planning to attack earth. His endgame? To wipe out fifty percent of all living creatures. Obviously, there was no hesitation to suit up.

And then....the notification.

"Good to see you, Bruce," she shared, going for a hug when she felt him tense. "Everything alright?"

He looked down. "There’s-theres something I need to tell you. All of you."

She frowned. "What is it?"

He hesitated, causing Steve to speak up. "Banner?"

"It’s Thor."

Completely oblivious, Naomi’s eyes lit up. "Yes?" It’d been a few weeks since she’d spoken to him. He’s contacted her to inform her that Loki was apparently still alive and had banished Odin to earth, hence him being in New York. It was a brief conversation, but he’d promised to explain everything once he returned.

Except, he never did. However, it didn’t startle Naomi. She was used to him disappearing and coming back. It was just his thing. Hers too. Not many understood it, but they did, and that’s all that mattered.

"When Thanos attacked us-"

"Wait, you were with him? Thor?" Bruce reluctantly nodded as her frown deepened. "I don’t understand. Why isn’t he here then? You are."

"Heimdall, he-he helped me, well, the big guy, escape," he responded before adding on a quiet. "Before they killed him too."

She gasped. She’d met the gatekeeper a few times when Thor had taken her to his home, and each interaction was nothing but pleasant. Even more, she knew how close her boyfriend was to the kind man.

"It was bad, Naomi. We never saw it coming...he never saw it coming."

Her head snapped up. "Where is Thor, Bruce?" He looked down. "Bruce." She watched his eyes and his hand close.

"I’m sorry."

"No." She backed away, shaking her head. "No." As her back was toward everyone else and her normally acute awareness was nonexistent because of the growing ache in her chest, she jumped when Nat and Sam came on each side of her. "H-he’s not."

"We tried, Naomi. Thanos is just-he was too strong."

"Don’t tell me that," she croaked, hunching over as she placed one hand over her stomach, the other covering her mouth. "Oh, god."

Nat comfortingly squeezed her shoulder while Sam wrapped his arm around her waist, trying to console her.

I don’t like talking about those few days. Even with them being low in quantity, I’ve never experienced such heartache. Honestly, the only thing that kept me going was knowing that I had to finish what he started. I could not allow Thanos to win. This....this was personal.

And then, right when hope was all but gone, creatures clawing and attempting to ravage my battered body.

The kaleidoscope of colors, a flying ax, and.....restoration.

I almost didn’t recognize him. The haircut. Stormbreaker, the tree and raccoon on either side of him, but I knew. I just knew.

As the ground around us shook, I watched him shout his demand for Thanos, felt the intensity of the thunder, and gasped at the magnitude of his strength, his power, as he took down more enemies in a matter of seconds than we’d done in the near hour we’d been battling.

God, how I wanted to make my way through the fighting, to be in his warm embrace, but I knew that we had a job to finish. It could wait. At least, I tried to.

She’d impaled yet another creature and lifted her Wakandan staff to kill another when she was grabbed and lifted into the sky.

"What the hell, Sam!" She shouted at her brother, trying not to look down. She wasn’t a big fan of heights. "What are you-"

They lowered to the ground and he released her, Naomi almost stumbling from the drop when she heard-

"Noticed you’ve copied my beard."

Her head snapped up. "Thor."

How he heard her, she knew not, but when he turned around and their eyes met, her feet couldn’t carry her fast enough.

"You’re alive," she gasped, arms clasped around his neck as he held her up with one arm.

"You’re welcome!" Sam shouted, completely ignored by the couple, before flying back up.

He set her down on the ground, hand still on the small of her back. "I’m sor-" Before he could finish, she took her staff and hit him on the side of his armor. "What-"

"Don’t you ever scare me like that again!" She warned, hating that small smile on his face. "Do you have-"

Thor quickly pulled her into his side and lifted his ax, decapitating a monster.

"And what is th-why are your eyes two different-" she straightened her staff, killing the creature that was attempting to attack from behind. "I can’t deal with this right now."

When Naomi went to walk away, he easily grabbed her arm and pulled her back into him, stealing a kiss, all while lifting and lowering Stormbreaker to incinerate a squadron of outriders.

"I love you," he breathed as she carefully hid her smile at how he cupped her face with concern. "Be careful."

"Says the man walking around with an ax," she teased, forcing herself out of his grasp despite her desire to stay with him. "We’ll talk later."

"Is that what we call it now?"

"Hush," she laughed, walking away to join Nat and Okoye.

"Oh wait, love, this is a friend of mine, Tree!"

That was the last time I saw him. The next time we’d interact would be five years later, and nothing could have prepared me for what awaited.

It’s been difficult adjusting. When I was "snapped," it was 2018. I was in a serious relationship with a klutzy but lovable god while managing to stay under the radar because of my status as a wanted fugitive following the Sokovia Accords fallout.

Now, it’s 2023, and I no longer have to live in hiding, but my relationship...can I even still call it that? I’m not sure, but I will because while a lot has changed, my love has not.

My heart still beats for him. I lost my father. My mother. Now, my best friend, whose death I still haven’t truly accepted. I have Sam...and Thor. I’ve been given a second chance at life, a chance I will not take advantage of.

She’d just exited the shower, her plush towel wrapped around her nude, damp body, the silk wrap around her edges still secured around the perimeter of her head.

Walking over to the dresser, she started to dig around for a sports bra and biking shorts, her preferred sleeping attire.

"Dinner is almost-" Naomi turned around. Thor’s mismatched eyes started on her face but quickly trailed down her practically exposed figure.

The darkening of his irises sent tingles up her spine. She’d missed that, the hungry way he’d look at her right before throwing her on the nearest flat surface and making her scream his name until her throat was raw.

"I’m sorry-I should have-I’m so used to not having to," he nervously babbled, making his eyes look everywhere except at her. "Is the water hot? Perhaps I should take mine now."

"Perhaps I should have waited then."

Thor finally looked at her, Naomi naturally chewing on her bottom lip. She especially missed that.

He coughed awkwardly and tried to move back, accidentally knocking a picture frame over. "Yes, well, it, probably won’t be hot anymore-"

"I don’t think heat will be an issue." She was coming on strong, and it wasn’t intentional. Truly. But she’d been doing a hell of a job with acting as though she wasn’t craving intimacy. Not even sexual. Just laying in bed together, laughing, and discussing the most random of things, that closeness.

To be with someone and not be able to really be with them....it was brutal.

"I should-"

"Hey, uhh, Ms. Naomi," Korg yelled from downstairs. For some reason, he insisted on prefacing her name with a ‘ms’ despite her multiple attempts to get him to stop.

Walking over to the door, she purposely brushed her arm against Thor’s. "Yes?"

"Which one of heating boxes did you say we couldn’t put the foil aluminum in?"

She smiled and shook her head. "The small one, Korg."

"Cool. Thanks."

"You’re welcome," she shouted, angling her body so that she was leaning against the other side of the door, facing Thor. "What-"

"Naomi." The quietness in the way he said her voice caused her to straighten her shoulders. "You shouldn’t be here. This-this isn’t what you deserve."

"I’m where I want to be, Thor," she whispered. "With who I want to be with." A beat. "What about you? What about what you deserve?"

She had a feeling what his answer would be, but still, she wanted, needed to hear it. To see where his head was.

Starring at her, he replied with a low and solemn reply. "Not you."

Shaking her head, she stepped closer. Her hands went to his face. "You’re wrong," she murmured, eyes glazing over with unshed tears. "So, so wrong."

"Thor, I know that things are different. That time has not been kind to you, that it’s been much longer for you than it has for me, but I want, I need you to understand that I am just as madly in love with you now as I was then." She licked her lips, moving closer to him, her stomach fluttering when his right hand moved to her hip. "And I am here for you, okay? Whenever. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. You may not be human, but just like us mere midgardians, you had a breaking point, and that’s okay, Thor. We can get through it, together. I’m here for you. Always."

She saw it, the turmoil in his eyes. She felt the struggle between closing the gap between them or running away. His fingers flexed against the towel, unconsciously pulling on the material, dangerously close to causing the knot to become undone.

Naomi wanted with everything in her to rid them both of the turmoil, but she couldn’t. That would be selfish. This wasn’t about her or what she wanted. This was about him. She had to meet him where he was, and if he wasn’t ready, then he wasn’t ready. She couldn’t force it.

He closed his eyes. "Naomi, I-"

"Uhh, Ms. Naomi." Korg interrupted, clearly yelling from at the bottom of the steps.

Yet, she didn’t move, her eyes glued to Thor’s."Yes?"

"You wouldn’t happen to know where the fire extinguisher is, do you?"

Her mouth dropped. Didn’t she just...

"I should go help them," Thor cleared his throat, pulling away from her, the spy successfully hiding her pain at the separation. "I’ll-uh-yes." Without another word, he exited the room.

Sometimes, I do have moments where I wonder if I’m doing this for him or myself. I want to be with him. So, so, so much, and I just don’t want that to interfere with my desire to want to help him. I just have to wonder if I can do both.

It was late, the middle of the night when she felt someone over her. Sure enough, as soon as she opened her lids she saw Korg standing over her.

"Wh-"

"No."

Naomi instantly sat up as she heard his voice from down the hall.

"He’s doing it again," Korg informed as she kicked the blankets off and pushed the pillow away. The pillow that was a poor attempt at tricking her into thinking that she wasn’t sleeping alone.

"I’ve got it," she assured, not even bothering to slide on her slippers. "Go back to sleep."

Shuffling down the hall, she slowly pushed the cracked door open and allowed herself in. Sure enough, he was laying in the middle of the bed, twisting and turning.

"Loki, no."

Her stomach dropped. It was this nightmare again. No matter how many times Loki betrayed his brother, there was no doubt that Thor loved him, and seeing him be murdered was just another trauma on the list of heartache that consumed the Asgardian.

"Thor." Naomi moved closer to the bed, crawling on the side and lightly caressing his forehead. "Baby, it’s alright."

"I can save you," Thor murmured in his sleep, fisting the blankets.

"Thor," she raised her voice, moving one hand to his shoulder to try and shake him. "Baby-"

"NO!"

Years of intense training and countless near-death experiences taught Naomi the art of calmness, something that truly carried her at that moment.

In a matter of seconds, Thor was awake, his hand wrapped around her neck as he pinned her down, one hand outstretched as he summoned Stormbreaker.

Starring down at her, she watched him pant, his eyes blinking several times before his shoulders dropped. "Naomi…."

Instantly, he released her, Naomi naturally coughing from the deprivation of oxygen.

Thor stumbled back, falling off the bed, to which Naomi immediately responded.

"Hey," she whispered, still a bit hoarse but just as concerned not for herself, but for him. "It’s okay-"

"I’m sorry. I-I could have killed you," he spoke more to himself, and Naomi hated the absolute disgust she could plainly see he was feeling with his actions. "I didn’t-"

"I was a SHIELD agent for over ten years, Thor," she reminded, walking over to him and bending down as he threw his ax on the other side of the room. "Do you really think-" She stopped as his hand reached out to graze his fingers across her neck, no doubt searching for any signs of injury other than the bruising that was probably already somewhat visible.

"I hurt you." He swallowed, shaking his head. "I hurt my people. Everyone who is around me always ends up hurt." Her eyes watered from the increasing amount of emotion, vulnerability, and pain in his voice. "I-I am a destroyer."

"No, no, no." She shook her head, ignoring what her head was telling her and climbing onto his lap. "This," she placed her hand over his that was still on her neck. "This is nothing. An extraction mission, at best."

She pushed her lips together, cupping his face, her thumb caressing her cheeks. "You are hope, Thor. How many times, how many people, have you saved over the years? You went from being a selfish and arrogant asshole to one of the most selfless, kind, and caring people, hero, earth and every other planet out there has ever had the honor of being protected by."

She closed her eyes and sighed through a closed mouth. "It’s not your fault, Thor. Do you hear me? None of it. You can’t keep blaming yourself. I don’t. Steve doesn’t. Val doesn’t…and they wouldn’t."

She wiped away the tear that fell down his face and pressed her forehead against his. "You’ve lost more than any of us, and you’ve been strong for so long, but it’s okay to not always be strong. It’s okay to not always have the answers, or make the right decisions. Nobody is perfect, and no one expects you to be. You don’t owe anyone anything else, except to yourself. To heal. To grow. To forgive.”

Naomi released a shaky breath as he wrapped his arms around her, the boldest act of affection he’d extended her way since her return.

“Stay.” She looked down at him, the sincerity in his eyes. “Please.”

She wasn’t sure if he meant for the night, or in general, whatever the intention, her answer was still the same. She was with him to the end.

“Always."

[neoandersons]

personal rant + seeking advice

Even though, in the end, this is technically my personal blog, I try not to overshare on here. However, the last three months have been incredibly difficult for me to keep these feelings to myself, especially when they’re so draining and negative. So, I decided to reach out to my fellow mutuals and followers for support and advice. 

It might sound a little ridiculous--whatever I’m feeling. Anyways, so I’m assuming a lot of us on tumblr have internet friends and whatnot. I have two best friends, which are on here too but I won’t disclose their usernames. Anyways, they’re like my rock and we’re an amazing support system to each other. We’ve been friends for almost three years and I’m really glad to have them in my life. I think sometimes they see the “real” me compared some people I know in real life. They inspire, support me, and I can talk about anything to them. Well, we have a fourth friend, and for a long time, I considered friend #4 as a apart of that system. 

But in the last four months, friend #4 is has been drastically changing attitude-wise. So, around late 2016 or early 2017, I had befriend friend #4 on Wattpad. At the time, I was just starting out my junior year of high school. Friend #4 and friend #2 were both freshmen at the time. I’ve had younger friends before, I have younger sisters, so I knew small age gaps weren’t an issue. When I started individually talking to friend #4, I had already been friends with friend #1 and friend #2 for a few months. I decided to introduce friend #4 to friend #1 and friend #2. It was really great! For a long time, we fed off of each other’s encouragement, writing ideas, and had an amazing environment going on in the chat. So, what went wrong the last few months? 

Well, as cliche as it sounds, friend #4 got her first boyfriend. The rest of the group and I was thrilled for her. Originally, we were very supportive and didn’t mind the occasional discussion on friend #4′s love life. It wasn’t until about two months into friend #4′s relationship did I realize that all she talked about to us was her boyfriend and her relationship issues. I’ll be honest, it was disenchanting for me because I felt like I couldn’t talk my mutual interests with her anymore. I used to be able to ramble about our fanfics, our favorite 1980s movies (particularly The Lost Boys), and eventually bands like Metallica and Guns N’ Roses. As their relationship began to progress, friend #4 was in our chats less and less. For a period of time, she didn’t message at all. When I or the other girls would message in the chat, she would read it and not respond. At first, I thought maybe friend #4 is just busy, but it happened so often. 

So, if it wasn’t explicit before, I’m a fanfic writer and so are my friends. Often, when we write a new story, we’ll ask each other if they want to create an OC and have them be apart of the story. Well, friend #4 keeps deleting her stories, with our original characters in it, yet she keeps asking us to make more OCs for her. It’s a fun process sharing original characters with your best friend, but when she keeps deleting them and requesting for more, it gets exhausting. Additionally, I was cowriting a story with friend #4, and every time I’d individually message her about working on it together, she’d either blow me off or not respond at all. The only time friend #4 directly messages me now is to see what unreleased writing projects I’m doing or to ask me to make her something (like a story cover). That’s it. On top of that, since a few characters inspired by her are in my story, friend #2′s stories and friend #1′s stories, we thought she’d be more supportive of us. It felt like the support system was crumbling because wasn’t giving us writing validation, especially on characters based on her, but she still expected it from us. 

It might seem I’m digressing from my original grievance, which is her relationship, but I think the lack of support is somehow intertwined with her relationship. So, not only does friend #4 only talk about her boyfriend to us, she started making it impossible to actually talk about something else. So, I mentioned earlier she doesn’t reply when we aren’t explicitly talking about her relationship, and it’s still true. Earlier, I mentioned how we all have same music taste in common. Well, from friend #2, I found out friend #4 is really bitter that friend #1 and I like the same bands as her. Friend #4 felt like she couldn’t have anything to herself and friend #1 liking the same guitarist as her (it’s Izzy Stradlin) was stealing, which is nuts. Friend #4 would get really bitter that friend #1 and I love Metallica because that’s her favorite band. Every time I try to talk about Metallica in the chat, friend #4′s responses are passive aggressive and brief. I thought she’d be happy to have something in common with us but she isn’t. Basically, she’s like gatekeeping our common interests, making it impossible for me to really talk and relate to her now. [Also, Metallica and Gun N’s Roses are really famous bands. We knew and listened to them before she “introduced” them to us.] Also, Friend #4 doesn’t even confront us about her issues with us, instead she just rants to friend #2 and it’s so emotionally exhausting to friend #2, that she told us what’s been happening.  

Obviously, the way #4 has been acting, I’ve been distancing myself from her. At first, it was unwillingly, but now she makes me so angry. It angers me I can’t have common interests with her, it angers me that she isn’t supportive yet still expects us to be supportive, and I hate that she had been talking behind our backs. Her comments directly towards my questions and statements are incredibly passive aggressive too, which is so emotionally taxing on me. I had to start removing me from the chat when she starts acting like that, mostly because she brings the worst emotions of out me. However, friend #4 feels alienated in our chat now, but I personally don’t feel like it’s my fault or the rest of the chat’s fault. She made it so hard for us to really reach out to her. 

On top of it, Friend #4 messages friend #2 asking if friend #1 and I hate her, which puts friend #2 on the spot. Or friend #4 will post on a social media platform we all use, indirecting us, saying, “feeling like ur friends are starting to hate u is amazing.” I definitely don’t hate her, but I hate how she’s been treating me and the rest of the chat. 

In all honesty, I want to confront my grievances with her, especially since friend #1 and friend #2 share most (if not all) the same grievances. However, we’re worried friend #4 will do something impulsive and harmful to herself if we do confront our issues with her. I feel trapped, all these negative emotions in me are rising, and I can’t release them. I can’t solve the issue and I have no idea what to do. I don’t know long I can really handle this. I just need some advice.