#I did not spend four hours writing this whole post to deal with “but cultural appreciation actually!!!” chuds.

[telekitnetic-art]

Have you seen the formline art in splatoon? It's present in a variety of salmon run decals and on some of the locker graffiti. Idk if the Devs just googled "salmon art" and got indigenous art and decided to copy it or what. Not sure how I feel about it personally.

Long post incoming, gonna put a break here. Also sorry for the late response, I wanted to take a couple days to formalize my thoughts together before responding fully.

I have, I remember noticing in 2018-2019 (when i first started playing splatoon 2) how much one of the decals/graffiti located on the ruins of ark polaris back in 2 sort of resembled a formline bear and salmon. (near the logo in this screenshot, I couldn't find a clear picture online)

Back in 2019, it was pretty easy to think of it as coincidence or a stretch for a comparison. But with splatoon 3's salmon run decals, the resemblance is far easier to see, specifically with the TS-ORBRS graffiti and the TS-SCHL graffiti.

(also this was the best image size I could find for the graffiti images, sorry)

A couple of the banners have the designs on them as well:

The website Sealaska Heritage has info such as textbooks and an online doc about formline art (specifically geared towards Haida, Tlingit, and Tsimshian nations' style) with lots of info about formline art, and the Seattle Art Museum website has an info sheet (with credits listed as being from the Sealaska Heritage site as well) breaking down some of the basic shapes of formline art.

with this chart, you can definitely begin to notice the similarities between the Salmon Run graffiti and formline art. the ovoids, crescents, and u-shapes appear noticeably in some of the graffiti such as ORBRS and SCHL.

For perspective, here are some formline pieces featuring salmon or fish from various Indigenous artists from various nations.

"sk’ug sdang" (Two Dog Salmon) by Robert Davidson (Haida)

"metal medallion", by Crystal Kaakeeyáa Rose Demientieff Worl (Tlingit Athabascan)

"Salmon People" by Alano Edzerza (Tahltan)

"Jumping Chum" by Stephanie Anderson (Wet'suwet'en)

"Salmon" by Art Thompson (Nuu-chah-nulth)

And that's literally just the surface of dozens of Indigenous artists from the PNW.

With these pieces, you can begin to see the resemblance that the graffiti designs have. A lot of the heads follow the pattern of utilizing ovoids for both the head and eyes, and u-shapes for the bodies and crescents to fill in specific areas are also common. For example, TS-SCHL has a small school of fish where the bodies are entire ovoids.

However, there are a couple flaws in the graffiti designs too. With a few of the designs, you can see they utilize the u-shape (see the formline shape breakdown from Sealaska again) in designs like TS-WHP and TS-SMFR. I can't speak for every Indigenous formline artist ever, but from how I've been taught to design formline art from my family, the u-shape should connect to the rest of the form instead of free-floating. I drew a quick example here:

you can see similar mistakes with a different kind of u-shape with TS-RLPL and TS-C0HK.

Another very specific mistake that takes a bit of squinting to make out is that ovoids are sort of top-heavy, for lack of a term I can't think of right now. The line or the area should be thicker on the top then the bottom. This mistake is frequent in the graffiti designs utilizing ovoid or ovoid adjacent face or body shapes, like TS-ORBRS, TS-C0HK or TS-SCHL.

Full disclaimer, I am not an expert at formline art. I've been practicing it under the tutelage of my aunt and father for about 3 or so years now, and there are definitely cultural variations that come into play as well. My culture's formline art style can look completely different from someone who is Haida or otherwise. This critique of the graffiti designs is based off my knowledge and skill at formline art, as well as critique and feedback that I've gotten from family. Formline art isn't just something you look at and replicate, there is a specific process of utilizing the shapes and negative space that you need to account for too. Some shapes have their own rules for how they're used as well.

Despite the beginner mistakes, the clear resemblances are pretty definitive proof that a good section of the sticker/graffiti designs for the salmonids are meant to be, or at the very least based off of or inspired by, formline art.

Splatoon's lore has a lot of elements of taking inspiration from real life culture (which is sort of one of the main elements of the story, the squids and octos are basing their society off long dead humans). Hell, Shiver and Frye are two prime examples of Splatoon working in real world culture into their setting and characters.

With that in mind, using an art style that's exclusive to an ethnicity of people as inspiration or baseline reference for the game mode that's all about taking natural resources from a species that in-game dialogue tends to treat as dangerous and lesser-minded is... not a good choice. Especially an ethnicity that has historically been ravaged and attacked by settlers for natural resources.

Now, technically if you do digging into lore for salmon run, you can find out that the salmonid are not as simple-minded as the dialogue in-game (I am staring directly at the deep cut big run announcement dialogue we've gotten so far -_-) makes them out to be. The salmonids do trades and commerce with the octarians for equipment and gear. That's why they have such technically high tech gear, like the scrappers with their shields that actually resemble octarian shields and the flyfish with their missiles and flying aircraft. That's also why power eggs show up in the story mode; they're from the salmonids' trades with the octarians.

So the salmonid could technically be as just as smart as the inklings, which is why the dialogue and some of the portrayals of the salmonid are confusing and contradictory (shiver's dialogue from the first big run, that one promo picture of an inkling walking a smallfry on a leash????). I think a good bit of the fanbase sort of thinks of the little buddy we get during the game as a pet, and I'm sure that much more of the fanbase/playerbase doesn't really care about the lore whatsoever. Salmonids sort of have a similar vibe to me as hilichurls from Genshin Impact, where the lore tells you that they're smarter than people assume while NPCs talk of them as less intelligent monsters. And you're also caught in this paradox where killing/fighting them feels morally wrong but the gameplay loop has you continuously doing that while also telling you on the downlow that you should sort of feel bad about it.

Rassicas did a really good video on translating salmonid lore from various interviews, which is where I learned a lot about the salmonid lore that doesn't really get explained/brought up in the game.

The usage of formline art in Splatoon has me sort of mixed on my opinion, because besides using an Indigenous art style for an enemy species that are considered lesser in intelligence by the NPCs, Indigenous art and culture as a whole has suffered a lot under colonialism. I don't know how much awareness whoever is reading this has about Indigenous history and colonialism, but Indigenous culture as a whole was banned in North America by the respective governments from being practiced by the respective cultural groups. Things such as ceremonies, regalia, and even practicing formline art were banned from being used by Indigenous people. Non-Indigenous people however were free to use it, which is why a lot of bastardized versions of Indigenous regalia and culture exists. You can see it in non-indigenous spiritual practices utilizing Indigenous practices and terminology like spirit animals and dreamcatchers, and sports teams utilizing Indigenous culture in its labelling and mascots. That is where cultural appropriation comes into play. And before I get anybody commenting about this, the salmonid formlines don't count as "cultural appreciation" because as far as the info available is concerned, there wasn't any Indigenous people that were consulted for the designs. And even if there were, I again have mixed feelings about Splatoon utilizing an Indigenous art style as a design piece for an enemy character in the franchise.

On another note, this isn't the first time Indigenous cultural appropriation has popped up in the Splatoon franchise. There was actually a headgear that was unreleased in the first Splatoon game called "Warrior Headdress", and you can guess what it looked like.

Yeah. That was all levels of yikes and I'm thankful as hell that it didn't make it into the game (technically it's not in the game as a wearable item, but you can spot it at the very back of the headgear shop ingame)

So Splatoon has utilized Indigenous culture as inspiration beforehand with the games, so it's not much of a stretch anymore to think that the salmon run graffiti designs were based off formline art or was an attempt at formline art.

I'm not really sold on the idea that the salmonid are meant to be representative of Indigenous people though, nor do I believe that utilizing formline art for the salmonid was a malicious decision. But it was a slightly ignorant decision at best, because again using Indigenous specific art for a species of enemies that gets fought for their natural resources and is referred to by some of the NPCs as basically being lesser-minded animals is really not a good decision.

This whole thread is not meant as a guilt trip for anyone who likes the salmonid lore, has bought any of the salmonid graffiti stickers, or enjoys salmon run, nor is it an accusation of the devs for maliciously misusing Indigenous culture. I actually really enjoy salmon run for it's PSP and concept, but this design aspect gives me mixed feelings as an Indigenous person. And to be honest it's hard to label intentions or the thought process because there isn't any info available on the development of salmon run and those graffiti designs specifically. So it's hard to know if the devs employed an Indigenous artist for feedback or if they indeed just looked at some formline art of salmon and tried to replicate it or used it as inspiration. I'm inclined to believe the latter judging by the beginner formline mistakes seen in some of the designs. There is an art book coming out soon for Splatoon 3, so maybe that will give more info.

To wrap this all up, I don't think there is really anything to be done about the designs. The game has been out for a while and I don't know if the game would change the designs at this point. I also don't think this should stop people from buying the sticker designs in game or playing salmon run. However, it is important to learn about the context of these designs so that you know why they exist and why they can be harmful, and so devs and creators can avoid making the same mistake in the future, and so Indigenous issues with cultural appropriation can be made more aware in the public space and not be ridiculed by non-Indigenous people. And again, I am just one Indigenous person so there may be other opinions from other Indigenous people on the graffiti designs and how they should be handled or viewed.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading and have a good day!! Be sure to check out some actual Formline art made by Indigenous people, like the ones I listed near the top of the post!

[jazzistolkienfanfics]

Drinks On Me - Fili x reader

*sexyback plays in the background*

okay guys ever since i followed @guardianofrivendell​ and started getting a lot of fili stuff on my dash, especially about how fili doesn’t get enough fics, i have decided to write one whilst i wait for requests (to make you guys happy with what you’re reading)

anyway this is thanks for your quality content @guardianofrivendell​!

Type: Imagine Pairing: Fili x reader  Summary: Y/N, a dwarrowdam of Erebor, does not enjoy drinks at all. post-BOTFA, everyone lives!AU Warnings: drunkenness, drinks getting spiked, some sadness but it’s all good, ‘shit’ Word Count:

Y/N enjoyed many things about her Dwarven culture, but the continuous drinking was not one of them. It made everyone around her drunk, loud and irritating. And then she was the one who led a horse-cart full of wasted Dwarves to the infirmary. 

But honestly, when they weren’t passed out from excessive drinking games, Dwarves were awesome to be around. And that’s why Y/N loved to be one.

She laughed as she grabbed four tankards of overflowing ale and beer from the bartender, the froth splashing onto her hands. Music blared through the small club-setting, fiddles and songs in a most jolly tune. Chatter echoed off the stone walls and everyone had a smile fixed upon their faces. 

Y/N set down the tankards at her favourite corner table, dimly illuminated by a torch above her head. Soon enough, the Dwarves she’d gotten the drinks for showed up as if summoned by some spell. Two familiar, two not so, though this was never something of concern - Dwarves were very sociable with one another and bringing round one’s friends for a drink was quite common.

The first familiar Dwarf was young, with fairly short brown hair in a loose style symbolising his youth, an almost non-existent beard, but a twinkling smile that made up for everything un-Dwarvish about him.

The second Y/N recognised with a flutter of her heart and a wide grin. His hair was longer than that of his brother’s, a blond that shone beautifully in the fiery light, braided in multiple braids, and grey-blue eyes deep with emotion and wisdom, but a spark of fun and irresponsibility.

“Kili, Fili,” Y/N nodded in greeting, shoving the drinks across the table in a graceful slide. “Who’re they?”

Kili pointed at first a black-haired Dwarf, then at a redhead. “Draigo and Khat.”

Khat the redhead gave a small wave and smile, but something about the pasty Draigo made Y/N wary. She still did her best to be polite, greeting them both warmly.

“There are five of us,” Draigo spoke up. “And four drinks. Who’s missing out?”

“Oh,” Y/N smiled uncomfortably. “That would be me. I don’t drink.”

“A Dwarf that does not enjoy their drink is indeed a strange one,” Khat observed, though it was not unkindly.

“Indeed,” Draigo repeated. The way he said it made Y/N shiver almost unnoticeably. 

She shook it off. “I do enjoy a good party though.”

Fili laughed. “That you do.” He stood, extending his hand to her with a raise of an eyebrow. “May I have this dance?”

Ignoring her heart, which seemed determined to burst out of her chest, she accepted his hand and let him drag her, laughing, onto the dance floor of sorts.

The tune had picked up, and Fili whirled Y/N around, laughing. She squealed happily when he grabbed her waist and lifted her into the air, spending the whole time looking into his eyes.

She couldn’t stop herself from being attracted to him, though he was definitely above her station. It wasn’t that Y/N was of a low station - she was one of few dwarrowdams who didn’t stay veiled in secrecy in the cavernous homes of the Dwarves, instead an honoured warrior. But Fili was a prince and the heir to the throne of Erebor, which didn’t exactly make him the most available of suitors.

But Y/N didn’t want to focus on that tonight - all she wanted was to have fun with her best friend. Because she knew that was all he was going to stay.

---

They’d been dancing for what felt like hours before Y/N got tired, stumbling back to the table with her arm linked with Fili’s in some joyful skip.

“Hi, Y/N!” Kili grinned, snapping his head up from his conversation with Khat. “Look, I got you a drink!”

“Thanks, Kili!” Y/N said, taking it and sniffing it tentatively. “Nothing alcoholic I hope?”

“No, it’s ‘arshalwurshalk,” Kili explained. Y/N immediately downed the entire thing. ‘Arshalwurshalk happened to be one of her favourite drinks - being warm and sugary. 

She dragged Fili back onto the dance floor, letting him twirl her around again. When they got back, Khat had generously paid for another non-alcoholic drink for Y/N. She thanked him heartily, again drinking the whole thing.

She didn’t even notice how strange it and the previous drink had tasted before she slumped onto the table face-down.

“Y/N - Y/N!” Fili shouted, shaking her and turning her over. Her head fell limply, her eyes closed and lips parted. Fili placed one of his fingers above them, relieved when he felt her breath.

“What did you do?” he roared at Khat. The redhead looked genuinely terrified, and Kili had also rushed to Y/N’s side.

Draigo just gave a low chuckle. “So passing out is what happens when you consume several shots of alcohol when you haven’t had it before.”

Fili realised with sickening hindsight what had happened. He turned to Draigo, his eyes blazing with barely veiled rage. “You. You did this.”

His only response was another laugh. Fili shoved him against a wall, letting the bouncers deal with him. 

“Y/N ...” he lifted the comatose girl into his arms gently, being careful not to jostle her. “I’m sorry.”

---

Y/N flew upwards into a sitting position, her hands finding her throat. She’d had the most awful nightmare about the Dwarf from last night, Draigo.

Wait. Last night. Where am I?

She couldn’t remember anything from last night, she realised in terror. 

A sickening feeling crawled up her throat, and she threw aside the sheets of the bed, retching over the side of it into a conveniently placed bucket. She crawled back up against the multiple pillows piling against the headboard, curling her arms around her legs in a painful display of frailty.

I got drunk, Y/N realised, her eyes wide and a shocked tear splattering onto the bedcover. I got drunk, and I broke my promise.

Y/N had seen firsthand the effects of alcohol on a family. It tore one apart with a vicious coldness, destroying everything. The alcohol still burned in her throat, and she’d never felt more awful. 

“You look like shit.”

Y/N let her legs fall back onto the bed at the voice, turning to see who its owner was.

Fili walked in, coming to sit on the bed next to her. He looked ... worried, Y/N was touched to see. He reached over with a golden goblet. She flinched away from it.

“Oh, sorry!” Fili rushed to apologise. “Don’t worry, Y/N. It’s only water, I promise.”

She took it hesitantly and sipped it, relieved when she could taste none of the burning bitterness of alcohol. 

“What exactly happened last night?” she asked in a low voice. 

Fili winced. “Long story short, your drinks were spiked. A lot of shots, from what I heard. But that doesn’t matter. Are you okay?”

“No,” Y/N responded, the word small and trembling. She couldn’t hold it in anymore, and turned to burst into tears on Fili’s shoulder. Fili pulled her into him, stroking her back comfortingly as she let all of the sobs of her system.

“It’s going to be okay,” he promised her, and she could tell he meant to keep it. “It will be.”

He kissed her forehead gently as they each pulled away and Y/N gave a tearful smile.

Best friend. Maybe it won’t stay that way after all.

i hope you guys enjoyed! PLEASE KEEP REQUESTING!

[polyamorousmisanthrope]

📷I took five minutes to vacuum my closet the other day. It was part of my routine cleaning, no big deal. It was just a quick thing to check off on my cleaning list. I removed some boxes of stuff in the bottom, a few pairs of slippers, and vacuumed. I replaced the stuff and went on with my---

No. I didn't.

No, I looked at the bottom of the closet in a state of shock and burst out laughing.

I have spent a large portion of my life trying to get organized. When I was a child, "cleaning my room" really did mean tossing everything I could think of where to put it in a closet so that it looked tidy when Mom poked her head in. I was the child with the cubby under the desk in grade school so stuffed with papers and junk that it was simply impossible to add or find anything.

This level of disorganization bothered and embarrassed me. It really hurt and made me feel like a failure.

As a teenager, my backpack also became a mess of papers, random items, books, and paraphernalia (no, not that kind. In many ways, I was hopelessly square)

As an adult, it wasn't much better. My desk was full of bills to be paid, papers I didn't want to face, things that were vaguely sentimental but not enough to display anywhere. My closet?

That was still the place where I hid stuff I didn't have a place for but wanted the room at least to appear a little tidy.

How long from a stuffed closet to a tidy closet?

It took about thirty years.

I wasted a lot of that time, though. I addressed it in cycles. "Starting now, I'm finally going to get organized!" I'd spend several hours a day over a few weeks cleaning, organizing, and playing possessions Tetris with my home. After a month or so, know what? The house would look great!

Then, inevitably, the house would no longer look great. I'd clean the kitchen well enough to prevent food poisoning, but more than that? Not so much.

Ever done that? C'mon, it's okay. We all have.

Being tidy over time is all about consistent action.

You can, indeed, get the house clean with heroic effort, just as you can work really hard to train for an athletic event.

The problem comes in when you do something intense for a short period. As I mentioned in my last post, heroic effort is unsustainable.

Several of my favorite housekeeping systems (Flylady and Unfuck Your Habitat) talk about starting very small – shining your sink or making your bed. They are so right!

It's not about getting tidied or organized quickly. It's about developing consistent habits. For a lot of people, that's enough.

But for some…

Executive dysfunction can interfere with consistency.

If you have organizational or distraction issues, habits may not be enough. Autism, ADHD, and a host of other neurodivergent issues centered around executive dysfunction make it hard to do things that seem pretty obvious to the neurotypical person. What? You need to wash the dishes after a meal? No kidding. Go do it!

As I was writing this article, I broke for dinner. Guess what is in my sink right now?

I thought about it, got up, scrubbed the pan a little, realized it needed to soak some more, and sat back down here to write. Sure, sure, I'll get to it after I finish this, no biggie. But if my sink was full of dishes other than that pan, if I had laundry on my sofa, a desk drawer full of unaddressed bills, and my phone beeping that I needed to get up and get my car to the garage to get the brakes done, would I be getting back to that pan in any reasonable amount of time?

*Hollow laugh*

People with executive dysfunction issues can find their problems painful.

Maybe some people laugh and think it's cute to be disorganized. It never felt cute to me. It hurt because I had a hard time doing what I wanted to do. I was utterly desperate to get my life under control. Completely and utterly desperate from the time I was nine years old. That's a heavy load.

Jokes about executive dysfunction aren't cute.

I know the whole "squirrel!" joke about distractibility is mean to make people feel better and okay with themselves. I never wanted to be okay with chaos. I wanted the chaos to stop. It hurt. It interfered with accomplishing what I wanted to. It was exhausting. It used up time I wanted to spend on other things. I wanted a clean canvas so that when I jumped from obsession to obsession to obsession, I could feel like I was using that time intelligently rather than as a distraction from things that were bothering me.

Late fees, court cases, and lost jobs aren't cute, either.

There's an ADHD vlogger that I really like named Jessica McCabe. She's brilliant and adorable, and being a little bit of the manic pixie thing is part of her brand. It gets people to listen to broad issues of executive dysfunction. People will accept and listen to that stuff sometimes and find it palatable if someone is small and young and cute. (She's a LOT older than her looks or mannerisms would indicate, by the way).

So, the brilliant part. Quite sure McCabe knows what she's doing with that because sometimes she drops the adorable thing. The pain of being disorganized or having a hard time directing attention is very, very clear. If she weren't so cute, it would be unlikely as many people would listen to the important things she is saying. There's more to her than cute by a long shot. (And don't get me started on the sexism of it).

But that whole "cute" thing about disorganization. It's not so cute when unpaid bills land you in court. That has happened to me. With money in the BANK, that has happened to me! (Or without money. *shrugs* That, too). It's not cute when you have to buy a car at interest rates that are close to what you'd pay on a credit card. Yeah, that's happened, too. That we're in good financial shape now is a miracle.

There is a cultural narrative of *giggle* *giggle* "I'm so distractable!" to try to ameliorate the pain of being disorganized. Know what? It's not funny. It hurts.

Proscriptive solutions won't work.

I use a Bullet Journal just about with the out-of-the-box method that Ryder Carrol posted in that first video he did about it. I tried it, and it clicked.

Know what wouldn't have clicked? Someone making me do it when I was fifteen.

This is where you, if you have problems with executive dysfunction, might wonder if I can provide an answer for you. Know what? I can't.

I can say, "You need a Bullet Journal." I mean, I'll think it. I wouldn't say it. Know why? It won't necessarily work for you.

What I will say is that you need to find methods that work for you.

"Okay, smartybrat," I hear you cry, "if you can't offer a solution, what do I do?"

Create systems that support you

This is going to look different depending on how you think. Does a beepy reminder go bing! and prompt you to do stuff? Do you like to have a menu of tasks that you choose from depending on how easily they grab your attention in the moment?

What primes you to take action?

What plans have you followed through on (c'mon, you do have some if you're alive past 20), and what about them made you feel good?

My husband doesn't use a Bullet Journal. He plans his day using a calendar app. If there's an interrupt to a task, he'll move it to another free time. When you first try this, I strongly encourage you to multiply your estimation of task time by at least four until you get good at estimating how long something will take. If you have executive dysfunction issues you're struggling with, I'd bet at least a nickel that you're not good at estimating how long things take yet.

What stops you from taking action? Can you remove the interrupts?

A simple example would be to take the dirty clothes hamper's lid off if that's enough to discourage you from tossing your clothes in the hamper. Still, I'm not talking about "Tips 'n Tricks" here. I hate tips 'n tricks! They're like taking a Tylenol when you cut off your leg. You need to extrapolate that to life systems to support how you want to live.

Your system is useless until you define "good enough."

I could skip the next two or three times I need to vacuum my closet, and I wouldn't care. If I get to it every year or so, it's absolutely good enough. "Good enough" means I address my paperwork file once a week and clear it out. I don't have to do it every day unless I feel like it. "Good enough" is walking for five minutes on the hour around my living room until I get my 10,000 steps in. I don't have to walk for three miles unless I want to. "Good enough" is spreading up the bed and tossing the shams at the head. I don't have to bounce a quarter off the damn thing unless I get a wild hare to do that sometimes. Don't give yourself an image of perfection you have to attain, or you'll do nothing.

It's okay for "good enough" to change

Remember how it took thirty years to get to vacuuming a closet? There was a time when that chore wasn't on the "good enough" list, and ya know what? That's fine. Have your "good enough" be slightly, but only slightly, ahead of what you're currently doing if you want to make improvements. Incremental improvements over time, and I mean decades, are pretty dramatic when you look back.

Good enough can stay good enough

My exercise parameters have me getting in an average of 10,000 steps a day as measured over a month. That is never going to change. If the Spirit moves me, I'll do more. But I'm not going to keep raising the bar over and over and over. This is it. I'm good. I'm maintaining.

It takes decades to get your life in order. What small thing will you do today?

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Doing something for fun: RPGs about broken anuses.

As promised, after the abomination that was the Sam arc, I am now going to write random posts about more positive/fun things. However, I also decided to add a little twist to them and correlate them in some way thematically to Dobson. E.g. by reviewing a game/show that does all the things Dobson hates/obsesses about/or fails at right.

 And my first entry in that regard is related to a videogame that came out a couple of years ago, based on a tv show Dobson claims to hate. South Park: The fractured but whole.

 Seeing how the game is 3+ years old at this time and there have been tons of reviews & walkthroughs showing how good and fun the game is, I do not really want to cover the plot and all the things that make it great in detail. Lets just say you can really feel that Parker and Stone were heavily involved in the writing of the game, as it is filled to the brim with references to the show and the typical satirical humor of it, that in parts manages to cross the line even further for me than the show. Right from the start you get a very dark but smart social joke and commentary out of the way, when as you set up your characters looks and the difficulty of the game, it is the tone of your skin that decides how hard the game gets. Meaning if you play as a black person, you are having a very hard time. It is not too preachy, just an acknowledgment that yes, in American society, blacks can have it harder compared to white people. Especially when living in a town like South Park, where social standing is pretty low and the police force is inherently corrupt and racist, doing something so outrageously to black people, I do not want to spoil it. Let’s just say it ends in a better Lovecraft joke than any of the shit SJWs did in light of censoring Call of Cthulhu board rpgs.

The overall plot is simple: While last time the kids played fantasy and things escalated quickly as they do in South Park, this time they play superheroes, with two fractions having formed: Coon and Friends vs the Freedom Pals and things escalating just as quickly. What starts off as the hunt for a missing cat to earn a 100$ reward Cartman wants to use to start a multi billion dollar movie franchise just like Marvel, turns soon into the player and his friends having to fight a real crime conspiracy thought up by one of South Park’s most nefarious characters, which also involves genetic mutations, time travel and eldritch horrors. Thankfully you, the “New Kid” from the last game, even after losing all your previous powers thanks to no one playing fantasy anymore, gain new superhero powers, make friends with the South Park kids again and even learn new fart techniques by none other than Morgan Freeman, that help you out along the way. All while also slowly revealing more about your backstory hinted on in the previous game and the tragedy of your dad having had intercourse with your mother.

 Being a South Park and RPG fan for years, I wanted to play this game for quite some time, but only managed to do so recently. And even if I spoiled myself massively over time with cutscenes and major battles online, this game is still fun (thanks in part also to the fact I watched the cutscenes years ago and by now forgot a lot of them).  The turn based battle system is way more interesting than last time by also depending on you positioning the characters on the field in a strategy based RPG style, there are lots of classes to choose and powers to combine (I myself going for elementalist, assassin, plantmancer and blaster currently) and you have a ton of allies in the game. The original cast of the four main boys, Jimmy and Butters has expanded significantly in this game with characters such as SUPER CRAIG, Clyde as the blood sucking MOSQUITO, Token as TUPPERWARE and Wendy as the social media huntress CALL GIRL (yes, that is her name) and they all are fun to interact and play with, with each one having their own unique sets of moves and finishers once again. Even outside of the battle, thanks to the writing, there are always great lines from them to get when interacting or taking missions from them. I especially came to love Tweek and Craig, who are not just decent fighters (Tweek in particular is a great elementalist) , but in this game are also now a couple ever since that yaoi episode from South Park. Helping them reconcile after a bad break up over the course of the game just feels surprisingly nice, mostly because unlike other LGBT celebrating media out there (Korra and She Ra  e.g.) none of the characters crosses some sort of moral line where you question why they deserve to be together (Hello, Catra), it is not heavily handed garbage fishing for brownie points and it is obvious through dialogue and actions they care for each other, even if they are at first going through a bad break up as only South Park could ridiculously portray it.

 Overall, the game is also surprisingly “inclusive” and socially relevant without being preachy about it, if you ask me. From the aforementioned skin color thing, to LGBT representation via Tweek and Craig, the police being involved in a plot that especially nowadays is sadly more relevant than ever (mind you, I do not believe that in real life all cops are bad, but in my opinion bad eggs on both sides certainly led to the current situation in the US and that is all I say) to the fact you can over the course of the game decide not just if you are playing as a boy or a girl, but even something in-between, a cis-/transgendered person and decide your race, religion as well as to whom you are sexually attracted to. Granted, I barely see how it has any bearing on the game’s plot, but I appreciate the following things: a) the inclusion of the possibility to decide on those factors itself, making creating your character even more fun (a basic right others demand for certain games nowadays in all the wrong ways) and b) that the game does not make the biggest of deals about it. See, I am under the impression that often times the most progressive and inclusive thing is to just let the story and personality of a character speak for itself, instead of the fact that it also identifies by a specific gender, sexuality, race or other allignment. In fact focusing on those things on a character only is something I consider ”positive stereotyping”, which for me is just racism in the opposite direction. And if you no think I am going off track here and need to be beaten up by someone who genuinely has some grip on pc culture, don’t worry. This game features PC Principal actually doing an ok job teaching you about microaggressions in his typical PC Principal manner, which in itself becomes a relevant move in future battles and is hilarious to watch. Speaking of the new kid, putting things like your chance to gender identify yourself with it in more detail (which you can also adjust again later on in game if you feel like it) aside, for a silent protagonist he/she/it can have a nice level of debt to it, if you look too much into it.

 Not only does it have a funny backstory explaining its fart and social media powers, there are recurring scenes of the kid’s parents being on each others throat and the kid just silently eating dinner for the night that genuinely feel sad and create sympathy in our little FartLord to the point you just want the kid to go out there, have an adventure and hopefully find a way to change its parents for good, cause it is obvious they love the kiddo, but damn do they need to cut off the substance abuse.

 Storywise you get something out of this game that is way more entertaining and hilarious than the last two seasons of the show combined (FUCK the season of 2019) and game content wise you are also rewarded with a lot of shit, just for exploring the town. Be it you finding hidden yaoi fanart that earns you money, your allies helping you solve puzzles that reward you with exp and new costumes to further customize your outfit, making new friends on Coonstagram by taking selfies with all the major and minor characters of the town, helping Big Gay Al finding his missing cats, stumbling upon Memberberries, forging new artifacts to increase your strength, finding summons… all stuff that helps you not just gain exp and become stronger, but also makes you enjoy going through South Park outside of the main story content. In fact I spend a majority of my first twelve hours in this game only wrapping up the prologue missions and first two chapter of the game, while otherwise talking with as many people in town as possible, exploring the stores and houses, doing side missions etc. just for the fun of interacting with the characters and the world they are part of.

 Now, how does all of that relate to Dobson?

Well lets see…

 Game based on something he hates that has however rightfully more success than he ever deserves, with lots of political commentary and satire for years in its humor? Check.

 Game itself having more of that commentary done right then Dobson in his own comics and story attempts? Check

 LGBT representation via Tweek and Craig as well as Big Gay Al that does not feel too stereotypical despite Al himself being extremely stereotypical in design? Check

 Some pretty decent/hilarious female characters in the game once you know them? (again, Call Girl and Classi, who fucks the L out of the A-S-S) Check.

 Being a style of game he hates for no apparent reason, but executed well (RPGs)? Check

 Thematically focused on superheroes, a trend he is obsessed about, but here both appreciating while also poking good fun at common tropes of it and the marketing of the MCU, in doing so just highlighting how much of a mindless consumer Dobson is? Check

 Being a game where you can also play as any gender and race and its not turned into a “groundbreaking” industry changing feature pandering to minorities that in the eyes of corporations are just a market to exploit, not people? Check

 Heck, if Dobson was not a biased idiot, the game would be perfect for him. It even panders to his toilet fetish in videogames.

 Kid you not: a mini game in the game itself features the possibility to go to every toilet in town and shit in it. The process of defecation itself being a rhythm game and you earning exp from it once you took enough dumps. And considering Dobson once spend hours in Skyrim looking for outhouses, that sounds right up Dobson’s back alley.

 Bottom line, this game is fun. If you like South Park, superheroes and RPGs, this game is perfect for you. And seeing how it has been a few years since it came out, I think it should be possible to get a cheap copy of it somewhere. Go on, play it. But always remember: Never fart on another dude’s balls. It is just not the polite thing to do.

[yourmandevine]

Some stuff that made me happy in 2020, in no particular order

God send you no greater loss. It’s something my grandmother said a lot — a bit of highly Irish Catholic wisdom intended to remind you, warmly but sharply, that whatever you’re currently suffering through isn’t all that bad compared to what lots of other people are dealing with. That it probably isn’t too much to complain about, in the grand scheme of things. That you should, instead, be grateful for what you’ve got, big and small and everything in between.

God sent a great many people a great many unfathomable losses this year, and as hard as it felt at times, our family wasn’t among them; we’re lucky, in the big picture. In the past, people have recommended I try writing those reasons down, to give myself a list of stuff to be thankful for, for the times it’s tough to summon up the gratitude. I figured the end of the year was as good a time as any to make that list, to highlight the stuff that helped me get through this year — the reasons big, small, and in between.

So: here goes.

Peanut butter and jelly

I haven’t counted how many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I’ve eaten since March 11, which is good, because that would be an absurd thing to do, and a sure sign that I have succumbed to a very specific kind of madness. It’s also good, though, because I would undoubtedly be ashamed by the number; the figure would be titanic, like the unsinkable ship of same name, or the iceberg that sunk it.

Or, at least, I would be ashamed under normal circumstances. This fuckin’ year required whatever flotation device you could find, and you know what I found in the fridge and cupboard? A couple of slices of bread, some strawberry jam, and some goddamn Skippy.

Need a weird mid-morning “brunch” after not having breakfast because you went right from waking up to remote school with the 6-year-old? Crank up a PB&J with that third cup of coffee. Need to pack something in the diaper bag to feed everyone while you’re out at the playground for the afternoon? Stack ‘em up, son. Need a late snack after working the overnight shift filing weird bubble playoff columns? Three letters, one ampersand, one love.

I need to eat better in 2021. But I kind of needed to eat sort of like shit to get through 2020, and time and again, when your man needed it most, PB&J was there.

Sunday night Zoom sessions with college friends

I know that most of us started something like this back in March; I’m not sure how many have stuck with it. I hope the answer is “a lot,” because honestly, knowing that I’m going to end the week by seeing a few friends — some here in Brooklyn but mostly beyond our reach for safety’s sake, some who’ve moved away — has felt like a stabilizing agent on more than a few occasions. It’s important, and no small blessing, to have people in your life who really know you, weird messy ugly bits and all, and in front of whom you can let everything go.

That gallery view’s provided a place to vent, to seethe, to laugh, to cry, and to try to find some semblance of center before heading back into another week. I’m grateful for it, and for the people in those little boxes. Except for the time they reminded me that, when I was 18, I was pretty sure I was a Pacey, and they were all extremely confident I was a Dawson. They were right, but still: a bitter pill to swallow, then and now.

Olivia calling herself “Dr. Bloody”

She took out her little toy doctor kit and just turned into a cackling villain.

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Deeply disconcerting, yes, but also adorable.

All Fantasy Everything

What got me in the door was the conceit: three very funny stand-up comedians (Ian Karmel, David Gborie, Sean Jordan), often with a very funny guest but sometimes without, pick some topic or another and engage in a fantasy draft of their favorite aspects or representations of that topic. (It is, crucially, a serpentine draft. Now what is that? That’s a great question.) Some favorite examples: Mikes; Words That You Think Make You Sound Smart, vols. 1 and 2; Things You Yell After You Dunk on Someone; Fictional Athletes; Crimes We’d Like to Commit. Yeah. It’s that kind of podcast.

What kept me around was the friendship. Listen to an episode and it becomes really clear really quickly just how much the three hosts love each other, how much fun they have being around each other and making one another laugh. The warmth radiates, just pours out of the speakers; in a year where I sorely needed some good vibes, I appreciated my regular check-ins with the Good Vibes Gang to just ... unclench for an hour and a half or so. 

Drinking beer

OK, I’ll admit: This doesn’t sound great for me. It’s true, though. I really like beer. (We brewed one in our kitchen, which I realize is something of a “bearded guy in Brooklyn” cliche, but here we are. It was exciting to complete a project, and it tasted OK-ish.) At some points this year, it didn’t feel like there wasn’t much to look forward to, and sometimes drinking some High Lifes or Narragansett tall boys — with my wife in our living room, with friends on the computer, whatever — helped take the edge off a shitty day/week/month/year. I look forward to being able to do that outside with people again.

The Good Place

I am sure some very smart cultural critics and political thinkers and social revolutionaries have forwarded compelling arguments for why this show is Bad, Actually, because that seems to be more or less true about most things, whether because said thing is Actually Bad or because the economics of the attention economy on the internet functionally necessitate the composition and publication of pretty much every position on pretty much every issue, and especially ones that present a counterargument for why you shouldn’t like the thing you like, and might be kind of a piece of shit for liking it. But I liked this half-hour comedy about the way the universe might be put together, why we should try to take better care of each other, and how doing so might be a pretty great way to take better care of ourselves.

Andrew let me write about it a little bit for a big project we did before the series finale aired, which was really nice of him. I found myself thinking about this part a lot this year:

I also thought a lot about Peeps Chili, but that happens every year.

Taking pictures of my dog

Check out this flumpy goddamn champion:

“Lugar is a good boy” is the main takeaway here. They don’t all have to be complicated.

Schitt’s Creek

I know we’re not alone in this, but we inhaled this show this year. A half-hour comedy about people being laid low, learning how to deal with who they actually are, and finding some grace and community and opportunities for growth kind of hit the spot, I guess.

One of the most wholesale enjoyable ensemble comedy casts I can remember; Catherine O’Hara was already in Cooperstown, but what she made with Moira Rose only polishes her plaque. I’ll never be able to describe with any specificity the thing Chris Elliott does, but I know it has made me laugh since I was a child too young to understand the Letterman bits or see Cabin Boy in the theater, and it’s probably going to make me laugh until I am dead.

I love that people who, for years, never got to see themselves or people like them on screen got to see David Rose on screen and maybe recognize themselves a little bit. The idea that seeing the David/Patrick relationship might make them maybe feel a little more at home, a little safer and more whole, makes me happy. Sad, about the before, but happy, about the now and the what comes next.

Past that, I just love how what was ostensibly a family-and-friends production for a Canadian channel just got absolutely everything right—the tone, the look, the sound, the theme song, the cast, the jokes, my goodness, the jokes—and before long, the rest of the world just got it. Like catching a fastball square on the barrel. Something the show clearly knew a little bit about.

Finding new outdoor places it was safe to go

Necessity is the mother of invention, and the need to give the kids a place to be that wasn’t unnecessarily dangerous but also wasn’t inside our two-bedroom apartment led us to do more exploring than we had before. Shirley Chisholm State Park is great. Canarsie Pier was a fun place to spend a Sunday morning; so’s Canarsie Playground. If we got there early enough or made our peace with some rain, the beaches at Jacob Riis Park and Fort Tilden were pretty rad this summer. I lived in Staten Island from ages 8 through 18, and during breaks throughout college, and don’t think I ever hiked in High Rock Park — that’s dumb, because it was nice!

Even if all those little excursions did was kill a little time and reduce the overall stress level of the four humans stuck in our four walls, that’s not nothing. Some days this year, it was everything.

Cobra Kai

I know I’m late here; I didn’t rush to seek it out because I don’t consider myself a huge fan of The Karate Kid, or at least not a big enough fan to sign up for YouTube’s premium service. I checked it out when it came to Netflix, though, and I honestly can’t believe how much I enjoyed this show. Give me “dumb, but with heart” every day of the week.

I believe in Miguel Diaz; I believe in Johnny Lawrence; I believe I will be firing up Season 3 next month, and perhaps drinking some Coors Banquets in its honor. (I cannot, however, believe how the “get him a body bag” thing came back around, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Closing unread tabs

I’m a serial hoarder of links, and I am bad at finishing all of them. I’ve tried to get into Pocket and Instapaper, but I’ve never been able to turn that sort of workflow — open link, save to third-party service, go back to third-party service later to read, then delete from there — into something that felt instinctual, natural, or habitual. So: lots of tabs. Like, lots of tabs.

This was a dicier proposition than usual in 2020, because cutting my work week in half to be able to more effectively coparent two kids who didn’t have school or day care for most of the year meant less time to read things.

I tried to do my best to keep up with the important stuff for work, and to read at least some stuff about how other parents were dealing with their anxiety/anger/depression/frustration at having to be on 24/7 and work, and to stay abreast of (at least some of) what was happening in the world. Sometimes, though, I would wake up and realize I’d been holding onto blog posts about Really Interesting Rotation Decisions on the 11th-Seeded Team in the East or whatever for literally nine months, and I would go against my nature and just hit the eject button on a 25-deep window, and something amazing would happen: I wouldn’t get fired for being shitty at my job. I would move on with my day, and I would feel about 10 pounds lighter.

I still keep too much stuff open. (As we speak, I’ve got three different Chrome windows open on two different laptops. I choose not to count the total tabs.) But I do so knowing that, if it gets too heavy, I can experience the momentary joy of surrendering to the inevitability that I can’t catch everything. In that moment, I feel OK with my decay.

Reading writers I wasn’t familiar with before

Two in particular stand out in my mind: Nekias Duncan, now of BasketballNews.com, who does excellent film breakdowns and statistical analysis, and Katie Heindl, who writes basketball stuff of all types all over the place, and strings sentences together in a way that scratches an itch inside my brain. I’m grateful I got more chances to read them this year, I look forward to bigger and better things for both of them, and I’m hopeful that, if things calm down and our schedules go back to something approximating normalcy, I’ll have more bandwidth to hunt out more new voices in the year ahead.

The time I ambushed my wife as she was trying to break down and put away the girls’ space tent

Pretty good.

Siobhan learning to ride a bicycle (with training wheels, but still)

The moment passed pretty quickly; Not Exactly A Mechanic over here can’t get the training wheels to reliably work right without either loosening them too much or tightening them so much that she can’t pedal it. In that first moment, though, and for as long as it lasted, it was really great to see her get excited about doing something new, big kid shit, for the first time.

She was proud. I was proud of her. And then we went to a playground for a few hours. Pretty good day.

Tyler Tynes roasting me

Tyler did some incredible work this year — The Cam Chronicles is getting deserved praise as one of 2020′s best podcasts, and his reporting on the Movement for Black Lives was exemplary. It’s hard to top this, though:

You know what the messed up part is? I was excited to tell him what I was doing, just because I knew the reaction would be so violent. Like a body rejecting a transplant. So lucky to have such a dear, dear friend.

PUP

I’m late on everything, so I didn’t start listening to PUP until the spring of 2019, but I haven’t really stopped since. This year has been too sedentary too often; this band is too kinetic to allow me to stay there.

“Bloody Mary Kate and Ashley Kate” is never more than about 20 minutes away from returning to the front of my mind. I would fucking love for it to be safe enough to watch these guys live at some point, and I am absolutely going to take Steve up on his offer.

Someone sending me a shirt based on a joke I tweeted

First:

Then:

Then:

I’m not sure you should be rewarding my behavior, SnoCoPrintShop, but I appreciate it all the same.

Which reminds me:

Family dinner/family movie night

My wife works in Manhattan and commutes back on the train, and we've tried to prioritize getting the girls to bed early since they were little, so that doesn’t leave much of a window between when she gets home and they go in the tub for us all to connect; before everything shut down, we almost never really ate together. We’re still not great about it, but for a while now we’ve carved out Saturday as family dinner night, where we sit down to eat and talk about our “up” from the day — something that happened that made us feel good or happy, or something we’re looking forward to. (We used to talk about our “down,” too, but that kind of seemed like overkill. Why try to focus on more bad shit right now, you know?)

Then we settle in for a movie, with who gets to pick rotating each week. It’s mostly been Pixar, which has been great but also has its drawbacks; after she caught me crying during one of them (maybe the Bing-Bong scene in Inside Out? or Miguel singing to Grandma Coco?), Siobhan straight up told me, “You need to get yourself together, man.” We just watched My Neighbor Totoro, too, which they loved, so we’re probably going to try some more Miyazaki soon. It’s a really simple thing, but it’s one we rarely made time for before, and it’s been really nice to manufacture something positive that we can share and look forward to together.

Sometimes looking like a shiftless drifter

No shade to anyone who felt strongly about getting a lineup or whatever, but I haven’t really felt like going to the barbershop was worth the risk, and I continue to refuse to believe that my wife can actually pull off the fade she’s long wanted to give me. (It is also possible that she just means she’s intending to run my fade, and that I will before long wind up cold-cocked and slumped by my bride of nine years.) So I’ve just kind of been growing out my hair like it was when I was single, and sometimes been letting my beard get kind of out of control too, and, well, I sort of like looking a little bit like a Wildling, it turns out.

I have since trimmed things up a little. It didn’t go over well with my youngest. Oh, well. I’ll try to do better next time.

My wife and daughter singing the Pixies

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We don’t know all the words to too many lullabies, so we sing the ones we do know the words to. This will probably come back to bite us in the years ahead. For now, though: Pretty good.

Doughboys’ Tournament of Chompions: Munch Madness: Mac Attack

I can’t believe how invested I became in Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell’s quest to determine the best menu item at McDonald’s in a 64-seed tournament that spawned hours and hours of delightfully funny audio featuring all-time home-run guests like Jon Gabrus and Nicole Byer, who gleefully feed into the often warm, sometimes antagonistic, always entertaining chemistry between the two hosts. I have also never found myself wanting to go to McDonald’s more in my entire life. I have hit the drive-thru a couple of times since, and the boys are right: The McDonald’s fountain Coke does just hit different.

Sound Only

I’ve lost track of whether or not a 38-year-old is considered a millennial, but I’m quite confident that I’m not exactly plugged into “the millennial lifestyle” as my teammates Justin Charity and Micah Peters discuss it on their podcast, which relaunched this summer. Doesn’t matter, though, because I love hearing Charity and Micah talk to each other even if I don’t know what they’re talking about.

Their conversation about Dave Chappelle was great. After listening to their Travis Scott episode, I felt like I kind of understood who he is and why he occupies the space he does in pop culture now. I had no idea how they were going to get me to give a shit about set photos from The Batman, but this they not only got me there, but wended their way toward blaming 50 Cent for needing to know who Groot is to have a conversation on the internet, which is something for which Abraham Lincoln did not die. The show is good, it's getting better, it’s fun to hear them talk their shit, and Charity’s regular bellowing of “I, TOO, AM AMERICA” has made me smile for four straight months. 

Siobhan’s letters and notes

She’s in first grade now, and she’s taken to communicating her feelings through the written word. A lot.

I won’t pretend that I loved all of these in the moment. I can only get so upset, though, when she’s already writing with such a clear voice. (And trying to use proper punctuation. (And drawing little cartoons to drive the point home.)

Palm Springs

I’m having a hard time remembering too many specifics about it right now, which probably means it’d be a good thing to rewatch over the holidays. But, as I’m sure many people noted many months before we got around to watching it, a comedy about living the same day over and over again, and about trying to figure out how to make your life mean something when everything seems meaningless, scratched a pretty particular, and particularly important, itch this year. It could’ve been twice as long, and I would’ve eaten up every second of Andy Samberg and Cristin Miloti together.

I’m pretty sure I cried, although this year, that doesn’t necessarily mean much.  Also, put Conner O’Malley in more things.

Joining our union’s bargaining committee

I won’t say too much about this, but I will say that becoming an active participant in the process of a labor union negotiating its first contract with management has been an extremely educational experience. It’s pushed me to have conversations, sometimes difficult ones, about our priorities as a staff and a company. It's helped me get closer with the other past and present members of the BC, and has led me to start developing relationships with members of our staff that I otherwise might not have had much of an opportunity to get to know.

The organizing work takes time, effort, and energy, but trying to do what I can to help take better care of my colleagues has been well worth all of that. Here’s hoping that in 2021 we can reach a deal that helps make our workplace even better, stronger, and more equitable for all of us.

Publishing a story about Stevie Nicks’ Fajita Roundup

I swear this is true: After I accepted my offer to work at The Ringer, but before I started, I told a friend that one thing I was excited about was that you had the chance to work on offbeat stuff here, in both the “kind of weird” and “not about the NBA” senses. That, I thought, might maybe open the door to me getting to write a story about a Saturday Night Live sketch I saw when I was a teenager about Stevie Nicks from Fleetwod Mac running a cheap Tex-Mex restaurant in Sedona, Arizona — a sketch that I wasn’t sure anyone else remembered, but that was stuck in my head forever.

That story ran on May 26.

A lot of people seemed to like it.

Accomplishing this goal was, as dumb as this might sound, a highlight of my year, and, honestly, a highlight of my career. I’d like to do some more stuff like this next year, time permitting; we’ll see. Whether or not I do, I got to do this. I’ll always have that.

[memnonofarcadia]

Remembering Joey Bruno

Originally published in the Sacramento Jazz & Blues Quarterly Bedtime is sometime around dawn. Dinner is usually whatever you want it to be. Shall we go to Iceland? Festivals, fliers, wristbands, Sharpies on skin, smoke, grass, hash, molasses, sky, blue, crisp, clear sky. And yet I’m still writing all this within a grey airport terminal, locked into some kind of strange Druid-esque ritual with pen and paper. Deadline is tomorrow, where were you when you were supposed to be working? Don’t have any answers for now, just that I need to write and get it out to my boss within the next day. Or two. It wouldn’t have been the first deadline blown. But think, distract myself with the McDonald’s coffee and keep putting down adjectives and phrases from places I’ve been, things I’d seen, dreams I’d never have again with people I’ve never met and music I had. 40 minutes till boarding starts, I’ll be last, of course. It pays enough to fly but not enough to enjoy it. Been getting harder and harder to deal with the travel, at any rate. Starting to notice the spell everyone is under, the sleepwalking nature of the corporate employee. It had only been noticeable after it had been broken, which I had no problem doing, ever. When your home is a hotel you take your shots however you can get them, besides it wasn’t like you have to live in any particular town past a few days at most. Half-heartedly started keeping a list of rejections and their professions, making sure to note that there was only one waitress on the list, most were from bookstores or places where there was an escape for all parties. Don’t need to make it more awkward than it has to be. Sorry, I didn’t mean, then the words fade off into the ocean. On the edge of nowhere, like a little seaside town. Maybe that’s where I’d like to end up, like a lifeguard in the post-apocalypse, no responsibilities, just looking cool for the seagulls. How many life guards had I asked out? Not many, either way. Concerts didn’t go well with water, not in my experience. Can’t seem to find a way to write about anything other than something on the present times, life and times. I struggle, already flipped through the notebooks to jog the memory with some tit and tat that had to be discarded for the sake of length from another article. Or two. Or four. Or 12. Throwing yourself to the wolves, towards and into the meat grinder that one might just pay the bills with the right amount of ink in the right places on a blank piece of paper. Who cares about music festivals and pop culture when there’s McDonald’s coffee and the cold inside of an airplane to look forward to? Four times I’d attempted to ask about an airline attendant’s relationship status, thrice I’d been rejected. Once she’d pretended not to hear me and instead moved to the opposite end of the plane for the remainder or the flight. Understandable, no harm done. No harm done. By anyone, right? Who said this was ever going to be a love story, you and I?

College had been a breeze, not that I’m bragging. State schools were like that, at least then, and Californ-I-A’s were no different. No doubt now there’s better options available for where I was at when I had to decide where to go to school, but there you are. A degree in journalism is a degree in journalism, and I had little else to go on other than my love of music, substances, travel, female company, and a shocking talent at being able to string together sentences. In a way it’s always given me a bit of a guilty feeling. I never sat down and really worked at learning or improving with regards to writing, I just sort of could do it. That’s the short version of how I found my niche of a career, one I thought I could exploit anyway. Turns out I was right, and in a way it was everything I could (and did!) hope for. Except everybody’s got to grow up sometimes, and I did, regrettably. There’s only so many hungover mornings a human being can take before they’re permanently reduced to a shambling, sickly mess of what used to be a humanoid organism, and I had certainly put myself on that path. Got off of it, thanks to the countless AA meetings I made myself go to, but I digress. That had been the first mark on the wall of things that I could no longer enjoy about the gig, the fact that now I had to do the whole thing sober. The hardest substance I have confidence I can enjoy responsibly now is coffee, and even then the ugly demon of acid reflux put me back in my place before too long. Suddenly all the kids were much more annoying than usual, the travel a hassle, the food revolting, and the music itself just kind of bad, which was the real heartbreaker. Some days before it had been all to keep me going, minus the women, which were always a constant. “Festival sluts” is the term you’ll want to Google (or DuckDuckGo) if you’re curious about what I mean, also colloquially known as upper middle class girls whose parents were too busy working to devote anything past a friendly “hullo” to their children, and thus succeeded in raising a bunch of hedonistic, attention-desperate, and morally naïve young people with excess income and too much time to spend it all in. Nasty ain’t it? But it kept me coming back for more, like the good-natured animal that I am. We all are. That’s the secret that I learned more than anything from the beat, we are all more simple and pleasure driven than we could ever articulate or realize. It’s what keeps the lights on at home, for everything and anything. Probably. Or maybe I’m just bitter. Most of the friends I made during college or were colleagues in my escapades writing about indie rock et al. around the globe are gone now. Burnt out, some burnt up, most just couldn’t hack it anymore and left to go get real jobs at real newspapers. The circus, or pirate ship, as is probably more accurate a nomer, is not for everyone, and rarely does it last forever. Bet you’re wondering where that leaves me. Still bitter, but still coming back for more, just like I was always going to. Always. So why don’t I quit? You tell me. Because I know why.

The finest writer I ever met was a journalist by the name of Joey Bruno, a guy I came across one of the many late nights I spent at the pathetic office of my college’s newspaper. I was editing a freshman’s piece about how the White Album was actually really bad, sighing uncontrollably the whole time, when Mr. Bruno walked in and struck up a conversation with yours truly. I happily engaged, as any activity that didn’t involve that stupid piece of writing was fine by me. He explained that he was friends with the real Editor , who was at his parents’ in Wisconsin for the weekend, and would drop by periodically when he got off work to help out where he could. “Why spend your time working on bad writing by dumb college kids?” I’d asked him. “Free beer, plus it can be fun sometimes. There’s been plenty of stuff come through here that I rewrote beyond all recognition just for fun, and nine times out of ten the original author doesn’t even notice. Good times.” Maybe so, I’d thought. In any case every other Friday or thereabouts I’d get a late night revising buddy to help cull the newspaper’s intimidating stack of submissions. It was in those early morning hours that I came to the conclusion that I wanted to become a music journalist, mostly from talking to Mr. Bruno about his own adventures. But I don’t think I listened, not really. Maybe if I had I’d be off this conveyor belt by now, but then again maybe not. Maybe I’d never have started. One night in particular while we were enjoying our cigarettes, coffee, and beer (all courtesy of the newspaper of course), he retailed me with a story of his long lost love, a girl he’d known briefly in the California punk scene of the late 80s. I was instantly entranced. “It was a magical time,” he’d said to me while stroking his magnificent beard. “But I’m glad it’s over now. It was getting messy there at the end,” I brought up how those little parts of the world, at that time were being romanticized an awful lot in contemporary media then. “And for good reason, too.” He’d responded wistfully. “A lot of great things happened for a lot of good people. It was about as close to the 60s as anyone came since then, I think. That much hope,” And this is where he began to tell his story, the story of “the rebel known as ‘Justine,’” as he’d put it. However it had happened, the two had come into contact through the various zines they’d each produced and sent out to the other punks in town. The closest thing to an internet forum for back then was to just be louder than everyone else, apparently. That was the only real way to get heard, to start a dialogue of some kind. That or take your chances at the shows, which they did anyway, but there wasn’t much talking going on there. Joey had written to Justine complimenting her on “Pop!,” which was her way of pushing her radical politics and militant-feminist views out on to the unsuspecting public behind the thin-façade of a bubblegum periodical. The art had been good, and the writing made everyone Joe showed it to laugh out loud, so he made a point to let the author know, whoever they were. There was an address included in the back for people to write in, so he did just that. He also included a copy of his own creation, the somewhat popular (in those circles anyway) “Buzz ‘n’ Stuff.” “What was it about?” I asked as my friend rolled himself another cigarette. “Nothing really, I just sort of made stuff about interesting things I found at the library then slapped it together in that. It seemed to work. I remember the one I sent her had something about how to get popped bubblegum out of your hair without cutting it all off, so I think that’s what got her interested. There wasn’t anything of value or substance in there, let’s be real,” Joey took another swig of his beer and reached into the cooler below his desk for another, being sure to throw me one too like a sport. “Thanks, boss. But continue, you got me interested now,” So he did. It had started slowly, really, with the trading of zines and letters, the occasional patch or pin by mail too. Eventually after a lengthy correspondence they made a plan to meet up at a concert, The Vandals to be precise. Joey had taken painstaking measures to show up in the most hip clothing of the day, studded leather jacket, combat boots, the whole nine yards. “I looked like a freak,” he told me with a chuckle. “But then I saw her,” Justine had arrived looking like everything and nothing Joey had expected her to. She had the familiar punk gear, Doc Martins and an army jacket covered in patches and safety pins, but the rest of what she had on departed from the norm drastically. It had been some bizarre cross between a punk, hippy, and cult leader all in one, macabre golden jewelry offsetting the “meat is murder” t shirt underneath. “It was great,” said Joey. “People were afraid of her at that show. She looked really scary,” They hit it off and had a jolly old time watching The Vandals play, and later they found themselves alone on a hill overlooking the suburbs, talking about the issues and passing a joint back and forth. It was all music to my ears, as it would be for most any young person, I suspect. “Tell me more,” I’d implored. These were fantasies that I needed fulfilled. Joey paused and rocked back and forth in his chair contently for a few seconds before he complied. My heart sank before he spoke. “We were inseparable after that first time. It really was something. We could go anywhere, do anything, and we would always end up on the same page somehow. It was easily the deepest spiritual, emotional, whatever you want to call it connection I’ve ever had with another human being, let alone girlfriend. But then a year or two later her Mom moved her and her brother up to Connecticut to be closer to the rest of their family. Last I heard she went to school in Maine, but that was it as far as we were concerned. Finito,” He smiled through all this as though recalling some rosy-cheeked memory but I was aghast. “What do you mean that’s it? You didn’t try to follow her or anything?” Joey just laughed. “Yeah, that was really an option at 17 without a car or money. It was just something that happened when we were kids, nothing really. I’m glad it happened at all, now.” Well then. What do you make of that? The conversation drifted pretty heavily after that point, as it always did when Joey and I got to jabbering and drinking, and as usual it was stories of the times he’d been on tour years later with Ozzy Osbourne or The Stooges or someone, then got to interview them endlessly and write about it. The usual vices were there as well in his stories, the drugs, the travel, the women, the glamor, the romance. But it all left pretty quickly once the novelty wore off, hence why Joey had quit after a few years and moved back home to Sacramento. When I knew him at the college newspaper he was a jazz correspondent, if you can wrap your head around that, for several of the snootier publications in the area. “I skipped to the fun part,” he told me. “The shows never get old, now. Plus jazz cats have the best shit,” he said with a wink. I probably just laughed, I don’t know, maybe downed the rest of my beer. I’ll be bound to have another once I get on the plane, off to Finland this time. Apparently it’s festival season in Scandinavia and its surrounding territories. Guess I’ll be writing about that all then though, from a different airport terminal that looks just like this one, with coffee and food and cigarettes and beer that shortens the life as much as the ones that came before. I could go on, but I won’t, for both our sake. There’s no moral to be gleaned from all this just a simple explanation of the reality, and how I’m passing the time in the airport by writing this, because I said I would. I promised. It’s my group now, and I have to go.

[blondecarfucker]

Bed of Roses (Chapter 20)

Roger Taylor x Reader

BoRhap!Roger Taylor x Reader

Fic Summary: It's 1971. You just moved to London to study, and you find a band on a local pub after a bad date. The encounter doesn’t go the way you expect it, and neither does what follows this evening as you try to deal with loving Roger Taylor.

Fic Note: So I’ve had this story in my head for the last three weeks and finally decided to write it down. It’s completely planned. It will have 21 chapters and it’s divided in three acts: Dusk, Night and Dawn. It’s will be a bit angsty in the future, and it will most likely have some smut as well. I hope you guys enjoy it! Tell me what you think about it in the asks/comments/messages. PLEASE REMEMBER THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER OF THE STORY. If this is your first time stumbling upon Bed of Roses, thank you for stopping by! The rest of the story is in my masterlist, the link is in my bio - can't put the link here or else the post will disappear from the tags.

Chapter's notes: GUYS THIS TOOK SO LONG AND IM SORRY. im actually in another city at the moment and yeah, having free time has been a bit hard - i wrote this mostly on a plane and now im editing it on an uber on my way to class. BUT, theres only one more chapter to go!!! WTF!!!! its so close to the end???? i mean?????? but its been an amazing journey and mostly thanks to you all!! more thanks on the next chapter where im gonna be so cheesy thanking you all, just wait. anyway, nice fun sexy chapter to heal our hearts from the break up and stuff! hope you enjoy

Words: around 4k

Warnings: smut, alcohol, swearing probably. all in good fun tho. probably some errors cause its been a busy week

 ACT 3 - DAWN

"It's the moment night time seems weaker and everything seems easier to figure out"

Chapter 20

Paris

You hold Roger's hand as you wait in line for the immigration officer to check your passports. The activity in itself is something the both of you did many, many times before - you travelled a lot with the band.

But this was different. You were not only alone with Roger, but there was nothing concerning you - his mood, your job, nothing. You feel at ease.

Roger's idea to go somewhere where none of you knew very well was brilliant. Since you're outside of your comfort zone anyways, you were both more easy going, not overthinking anything, just spontaneous. You knew the time where you would talk about your relationship and how you want to deal with everything would come, but you weren't stressing about it. You would think about it once the time came - there was no reason to be concerned now.

Cause now you could only feel Roger's touch, hear him humming something - you couldn't believe he was humming La Vie En Rose, the most cliche Paris song of all times, but of course he was. His shoulders are relaxed, and he brushes his thumb against the skin on your hand. His smell is all around you.

You could really immerse in the presence each other, now. Ever since you left London, where almost everything between you happened, you didn't really knew anything else - the fields on the window, the french being spoken by the people on the cabin next to yours. So you just laid your head on his lap as he ran his fingers through your hair and told you about the little things you missed.

His eyesight has gotten worse, and now he can't really do anything without his contacts. He met David Bowie in an award show, and he thought of you - he knew how much you liked him. He still knew all of Fleetwood Mac's 1974 album songs by heart - he kept the album you left in the old flat.

And also stuff about the boys. John's kid was a cute, quiet boy, just like his dad, and he didn't enjoy any of Roger's songs when he went to rehearsals. Veronica was pregnant with another baby - Roger's pretty sure it's a girl. Brian was still thinking about finishing his PhD, but never got around doing it - his schedule is too crazy. Freddie was growing tired of the long hair and clean face, and kept thinking about changing his looks, but couldn't decide on what he would do. He told you that ever since Freddie and Mary broke up, he started seeing more guys - none of you thought much about it. It was just another aspect of Freddie's life.

Roger kept writing songs now, even when they were on tour or at home. He was getting annoyed at the "No Synths" rule in the band, and tried to convince them to drop it. But he was happy with the new album - he enjoyed how they simplified the process of writing it, and thought mostly about writing songs they can play live the same way they play it in studio. The last time they did it was in their first album.

You just kept looking up at him, his defined jaw glowing against the sun, his bright blue eyes looking down at you to watch your reaction, your grin once he told you he finally finished writing Sheer Heart Attack, a song he tried to get done and in an album ever since 1974.

And now the immigration officer called you, and you laughed as you watched Roger try to speak french to the guy before taking the matter into your own hands.

And when he asked you what was your relationship with him, you just smiled and said "mon copain".

-

You knew Roger chose the hotel as you packed in London, sitting between all the boxes so he could use your phone. You didn't pay attention to which hotel he picked, but once you got to the Champs-Élysées, you knew he spent too much money.

You got off the cab at the Four Seasons George V Hotel, a building that was basically a modern castle, and you stared at him, shocked. "Roger, you didn't do this", you told him, your eyes wide as you entered the spacious and luxurious lobby, your luggage already being taken to your room as the lady on front desk recognized Roger. "Did what?", he asked jokingly, raising his brow at you, even though he knew what you meant. "This hotel. It's too nice and probably a fortune", you told him, and he shrugged. "Hey, we deserve it. We always did. But now we can afford it", he winked, and then took the room keys from the front desk.

"C'mon, I want to see how you're going to react to the Penthouse Suite", he laughed, and you coughed. "Um, I'm sorry? The what now?", you asked, and he playfully pulled you into the elevator.

He kept looking at you the whole lift ride, excited and nervous - he wanted you to like it, to enjoy his efforts, to take him back into your life somehow.

When he opened the door and walked to the side, his old genuine smile was back on his lips, and you couldn't help but smile back, even before taking a glimpse into the room.

And what you saw surprised you - everything looked expensive, but still comfortable. You first entered a huge living room, and every couch looked comfortable enough to sleep in. Then you walked to the bedroom, and the huge bed caught your eye - it was big enough to fit comfortably at least five of you. The bathroom looked like a spa, a huge bathtub in the middle of it, a delicate statue of a woman under the window that overlooked the Champs-Élysées.

You walked to the balcony with Roger beside you, and he laughed when you gasped.

The Eiffel Tower looked back at you, glimmering at the sunset.

You looked at Roger.

"You're unbelievable, you know."

He smirked. "I'm just trying to get you in bed, though", he told you, and you laughed as you walked closer to him.

"You did that when you didn't have a penny, Rog. You don't have to get us a huge suite with artwork everywhere and a view of the Eiffel Tower", you said, bringing him closer to you by his collar as he snaked his arms around your waist.

"I never have to do anything. I do it because I want to. Because I love you", he whispered, his breath against your lips, teasing, feeling like the ghost of a touch.

"I love you, Roger", you told him, moving your hands to the back of his neck and pulling him in for a kiss.

-

You held his hand as the cool wind passed through your bodies. It was the next day, and you've decided to walk to the Louvre by the side of the Seine.

It would be faster if you got on a cab, but the view of the Seine, the sounds of the city and the smell of pastries and perfume made everything feel even more like a dream. You were still tired from last night, and the night before it - you and Roger were acting like a couple in honeymoon ever since you met again, stolen kisses and arms wrapped around each other, trying to make up for the lack of touch in the last couple years.

And once you were alone, you'd hug and touch and kiss and fuck passionately wherever - sloppy kisses and love bites all over each other, first in London and now here. It didn't feel like you were together again for only about 36 hours - so much has happened, yet time passed by so fast. It was like you lost touch with reality ever since you looked at his hands on the pub.

When you thought of being alone in New York, it felt like a past life. But the weird thing was how your first years with Roger also felt like another life - you wouldn't act the way you did again, ever. But you were grateful for both times of your life. You felt like you could never get here, to Paris and to Roger, if those things didn't happen.

You got to the Louvre and you were surprised at Roger's interest - he wasn't simply acting interested while trying to get you to leave somewhere else with him. He was genuinely interested in the art, commenting about each style and dropping trivia about artists.

"Someone has been spending some time with Freddie, I suppose", you noted, and he gave you a half smile. "Well, the person responsible for bringing culture into my days spend some time away. I had to look for substitutes", he said, and you jokingly nudged at him.

He still looked at you adoringly once you started talking to him about the excellent state of conservation the mummy was in, or once you started analysing "L’Européenne".

You both kept quiet as you watched the Mona Lisa, only holding hands as you tried to get closer to the painting, dozens of visitors separating you from it. It was a time for reflection, too. The Mona Lisa invited you to think about yourselves, her neutral expression making you wonder - seeing it was one of your life long goals, and now you're realizing it with Roger. Being with Roger was something else you struggled to achieve, ever since the first time you saw him. But now it was the time to realize dreams - hell, you'll start working at the British Museum in a few days.

But you got distracted as soon as you got to the Venus de Milo. Roger snaked his arms around your waist from behind you and pressed a slow kiss under your lobe before whispering "You look just like her".

You felt a goosebump on your neck, but you tried to laugh it off. "I can think of a few things we don't have in common, though", you said, and he rubbed his nose on the curve of your neck. "Like what?", he whispered.

"I'm gonna start the list with the basics: arms", you told him, and he laughed against your skin. "I can think of a few other things, too", he tells you, back at kissing your neck. "Yeah? Like what?", you asked, and he sucks on your skin for a few moments, hitching your breath. "Your skin is softer", he says, and then lightly bites you, running his tongue over it to sooth it. "And you taste amazing. Everywhere", he whispers again, and you bite your lips as you feel another goosebump on your neck, and it didn't go unnoticed by Roger. "And the way you react to me”, he whispered, wetting his lips. "God, it kills me", he said, running his fingers over the area where the goosebump was.

It was a public place, but it didn't cross your mind when you turned around and pulled him in for a kiss, making it deeper as your tongue massaged Roger’s. His fingers brushed over your exposed skin, and you could feel how strong his grip on your waist was, wrinkling the fabric of your summer dress - probably inappropriate. You pulled him even closer to you by his hair, already used to its new length after two nights. It was only when you broke apart to recover your breath that you noticed how you were making out in a public place, and only because Roger told you.

"I know we're in public and I'm trying to be more discrete now, but all this artwork just made you look even more beautiful, like you belong around them. I just couldn't hold myself any longer", he said.

-

The warm water ran through your fingers as you filled the bathtub, only in your robe, as Roger spoke with the concierge on the bedroom. He told you he was getting champagne, but you didn't see why the concierge would go to the bedroom for it. Anyways, you wanted a warm bath.

After the Venus, you and Roger had a hard time keeping your hands away from each other. So you didn’t argue when he suggested you take a cab to the hotel.

The cabbie was an older man with a very rosy skin, and he barely knew how to speak english, but he sure tried - specially with Roger. You were suspecting he knew who Roger is, and Roger apparently thought the same, an amused look on his face as the driver tried to continue the conversation with him.

He was looking amused for another reason, too. His hands took his time on your legs, his long fingers brushing over your inner thighs, making you press them together as you tried to control your breathing. Roger kept talking to the driver as he slowly moved his fingers closer to you again, and you bit your lips to hold a moan when he pressed two fingers against your core.

You were already wet from all the teasing, and it goes through the lace of your lingerie, wetting Roger’s digits. He took his fingers away from you, and you frown as he rubs his two fingers against his thumb, smirking at you.

Then the driver asks him something and he turns to answer, putting his hand on your knees and then quickly sliding them up, moving them to your core again, massaging your clit for a few seconds. He looks at you so he can see your reaction, and you can hear the driver’s voice as you grip on Roger’s arm so he keeps touching you, pressing your lips together to keep quiet.

He keeps smirking as the conversation with the driver goes on, and you decide you can tease him, too. You move your hand from his arm to his leg, and he moves his gaze back into yours as you move your hand slowly to his inner thigh. His eyes get wider once you run your finger over his length, his cock already getting hard and visible through his always tight pants. The driver called his name so he answers another question, and you wrap your hand around him through the fabric of his trousers.

His breathing audibly hitches and he tries to be discrete by making it into a cough. He answers the driver and then looks at you, but you’re looking forward, innocently. He smirks again and then pulls your lingerie to the side, and, without more teasing, puts his two fingers inside of you. You gasp, and the driver looks at you suspiciously as Roger starts pumping his fingers inside of you.

But then the car stops in front of the hotel.

You take your hand away from Roger and he does the same, feeling like two children who got caught with your hands inside the cookie jar. Roger pulls out his wallet from his pocket so he can pay the cabbie, his fingers still glistening as he holds the leather wallet.

You then walk to your room without saying anything until you close the door. “So, that guy was pretty close to figuring out our little teasing game, huh”, he said, unbuttoning his shirt. “I was pretty close, too”, you said, winking, and he smirked. “I guess you want to go back to where we were before getting interrupted?” he raised his brow.

But you wanted to tease him a bit more. So you nodded a no. “Actually, Rog, I think I want to take a warm bath”, you came closer to him, wrapping your fingers on the back of his neck. “That’s a really good idea, in fact”, he said, and started undoing his belt. But you held his hand in place. “But you won’t join me”, you said, and he pouted in protest. “Not until you get me some champagne. I thought you were gonna be romantic before luring me into bed, Taylor”, you said, and he laughed. You let go of him and turn around.

“Can you unzip me, please?”, you ask, and you can hear him scoff, annoyed at your teasing, but then you feel him slowly unzipping your summer dress, then moving his hands to your shoulders as he slides your dress down.

You're not wearing a bra, so you can feel the cold wind from the AC on your hard nipples, getting even harder as you felt his lips on your neck once again, his hands pulling your dress down at your hips before it falls to the ground.

Then you move away from Roger’s grasp as you walk to the bathroom, without looking back at him, and you can feel his eyes on you as he watches your hips sway as you walk, only in your burgundy lace panties, your hair cascading on your back.

And now you’re inside the bathtub already, feeling the smell of roses and cinnamon from the bath salts you used, waiting for Roger. You hear the door close, and the concierge is gone.

“Rog? I’m waiting for you”, you say out loud, waiting for his answers. “Actually, I think I’m not in the mood for a bath. But your champagne is here”, he says, and you can hear a fake tiredness in his voice.

“Are you sure you’re gonna leave me here, alone, in this bathtub? I’m gonna have to do something to let the time pass, you know. And you’re gonna hear me do it without doing anything about it?”, you asked with an affected voice. You haven’t teased him in so long, you forgot how fun it was, especially cause he always teased you back.

“As tempting as your bathroom plans sound, I’m also alone here, you know. And your champagne is here. Can’t believe you’re gonna waste it after I got it just for you”, he said, and you laughed. You got up from the bathtub and barely dried yourself on a towel before putting your robe back on and walking to the bedroom.

Roger was sitting against the bed’s headrest, completely naked and rock hard. You moved your hand to your lips and you let out a sigh at the vision. He looked like a greek god - Apollo, maybe, with his golden locks shining against the afternoon sun, his skin glowing under the golden hour lights coming through the window. The bed was filled with red rose petals under him, the smell filling your lungs.

He opened his eyes when he heard your sigh, and he smirked at you. “Get the champagne and come here already”, he said, pointing his head at the table where a Dom Pérignon bottle sat on an ice bucket, and you did so. You climbed on top of the bed and started moving towards him. “Are you suggesting we play with food, Mr Taylor?”, you asked, and he nodded. “Give it to me and I’ll show you”, he told you, and you gave it to him as you sat on his thighs.

He popped the bottle open and some of the liquid poured over the edges. He licked it, looking at you, before undoing your robe with his free hand. He pulled it to the sides, looking at you with admiration as if he was unwrapping a Christmas gift.

You took the robe off and threw it to the side, and his free hand moved to the back of your neck and pulled you in for a kiss. It was a slow, delicate kiss, where Roger tried showing you love, admiration, respect. Not only how much he wants you, but how much he cares about you.

But you pulled him closer to you, moving closer to him, and your bare breasts touched his naked torso, making the two of you moan.

That gave a new sense of urgency to the kiss, and after a few seconds, Roger broke it apart. “Tell me if you want me to stop”, he told you, and you nodded. He poured a bit of champagne above your collarbone, the cold liquid making you shiver, and then Roger’s tongue licked it, warm and wet.

He looked up at you to make sure you liked it, and you gave him a quick nod. He smirked, then poured champagne on your other collar bone, and licked it off again.

As you seemed to like it, he poured champagne between your breasts, licking it off right after and waiting a few seconds to see if you’d protest. He then finally poured a bit of champagne on one of your breasts, right above the nipple, licking you and the drink.

He kept doing it for a while, sucking on your skin that tasted like champagne and cinnamon, the smell of roses intoxicating him.

You broke away from his touch, and he looked at you, confused. “Can I try it?”, you asked, and he nodded, passing you the champagne bottle.

You started above his collarbone, and you could feel him moving under you. You wondered how much he would be able to wait before fucking you, considering he was already hard before you licked champagne off of him.

Once you poured champagne over his chest, you didn’t lick fast enough, and a drop of champagne rolled down on his torso. You leaned in to lick it right before it fell to his pelvis, mere inches away from his cock.

The feeling of your tongue close to his length did it for him - he had to have you, right now. He gripped your hips and motioned them up, and you understood what he wanted, so you got on your knees and stood right above him as he positioned himself on your entrance.

You slowly moved down, feeling him filling you, and you let your head move back as you moan in pleasure, your moan intensifying as you heard Roger’s voice whispering your name.

You started riding him slowly, small moans leaving your lips every time you felt him bottoming out inside of you, but you wanted him to go deeper.

So you got off of him, and he grunted, frowning at you as he saw you on your knees in bed. But once you leaned forward, putting your weight on your elbows, he smirked. “I want to feel you deeper”, you told him.

He moved to your back, spreading your legs a little more so he had better access to you, and you both cursed under your breath as he got inside you again slowly, so you could get used to his size on this new position, his grip on your ass getting stronger once he was completely inside you again.

You moaned his name, and he moved his hands to your waist so he could move inside of you with more control.

He developed a rhythm after a few moments, and all you could hear was the sound of your skin on his and the moaning (and cursing) coming from his lips and yours, too. You could feel yourself closer to your orgasm.

It wasn’t long before you reached your high, crying his name as you pulled the duvet into your fists.

Roger kept thrusting through your high, but once he noticed you were done, he pulled out. "Can you turn?", he asked, and without much thought, you turned over and layed down, wrapping your legs around his hips.

He gave you a tired smile and then got inside you again, thrusting. "I like to look at you", he told you, closing his eyes, focusing on his movements. He was like that for a few seconds, and you could see the beads of sweat forming on his face, his blonde locks glueing themselves to his forehead.

As his movements got more intense, you could see he was close. "Y/N? Can I pull out?", he asked, and you nodded a yes. He liked to do that sometimes, when you could get messy, but it has been so long you nearly forgot.

So he pulled out and his cum fell on your torso, covering your breasts and stomach. He fell to your side and stayed there for a few moments, before opening his eyes and looking at your torso. "Sorry for the mess", he said, getting up and going to the bathroom. You smiled when you heard the sink open, and your smile got wider as Roger appeared with a warm cloth on your hands.

"I guess this helps", he shrugged, wiping his cum from your torso carefully. Once he cleaned most of it, he giggled. "Maybe a bath is not a bad idea, after all. Will you join me?", he asked, offering you a hand.

---

Chapter 21

Masterlist

Taglist:

@taylorroger-s @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @its-nessi @anamcg317 @frenchieswiftie @queen-danielle-dani-dan @minihemo @shutup-sorry @theyrealllegends @killerqueenisthebest @ashagracelove @hardy-s @fuckinghurricanesoul @secretsweetscollectionblog @mrswinterhater @11mb0 @tamtam-go92 @derptatosaur @brianandthemays @phantom-fangirl-stuff @the-hysterical-queen @rogerofmylife @notevenlxvely @discodeakyy @x1975sos @16wiishes @jennycidesstuff @partydulce @melros-e @onevisionliz

[careyourself]

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But this is new business and you don’t know what you agree to when you what you’re actually giving is where you’re agreeing with you that none of these kids are reading and that you realize and occasionally you sign a I Kinda Don't Care Humor T Shirt contract and you didn’t read it you hold up in court that you didn’t know what I’m saying is that these are predatory practices and we have to educate people on how bad it actually is because people are just you say okay click my friend does it all do it I don’t care if you are so are I still yeah okay him the episode Blake a few years ago that the human centipede so were stopped about whether you agreed to it you interested a few servers are read to the brine joke is that they keep taking these signing contracts without reading them and ask them to all kinds of firstborn child kind of stuff a dream to become part of the human centipede so when I have the next world war based around tick tock right all yeah but I also think maybe PlayStation and Xbox might do a World War II. So Wiseman is point Scalia is word of her death sent shockwaves around the handle that well resident was speaking at a campaign rally in Minnesota touting the importance of judicial nominations is quicker on his feet and Biden that’s one thing I’ll give him he’s quicker on his feet wet with software and Biden’s are of Ginsberg’s passing even as a supporter shouted the new the next president will get 1 to 3 or four Supreme Court justices I do want to bring up that when school Leah died it was right before Obama was about to leave office right before the election the trunk got elected in and they were Republicans were like a Obama leave that appointment up to the next parade it was over six months before right and this is left to us before and Mitch McConnell was in charge and to use 237 or something to 47 was a well over 200 days prior to Obama leaving and Mitch McConnell wouldn’t even hold a hearing for Obama and now Mitch McConnell’s like when you try to cram someone that were less than halfway last night. And is hereand I clothingand present also present very well before the emails that she is on practicaland wonderful people you entertain United Nations I do indeed yes I have trained back to my previous statement I do recall it comes to continental title to send you a call the conversation again I do yes verified other can read it back to me please now actually give them okay Tuesday January the rarest rock she had a different perspective than the restand I think that we found a sadand thinking that we perhaps would wanted to see me for anywhere so we all get a grant which was like aand wonder what we know I cannot purpose for lying aboutand it is strange that that’s less than like it is a little once again nominated that putting Ferdinandand boss lady in their ruling of the bus a particular with the bus baby is a genius exploration of the evils of late capitalism as told through a baby in a coma Verizon how monies dreaming all that it’s a really trippy psychedelic blades like Smith has been seen since what you areas are the outand writing right here at work her job to rewatch minivan forced us to watchand and in light of that they clearly do you look at meand a lot of people think even stronger one human being so which is really funny great foundand had Legoand Batmanand that’s literally the reason lightingand the word Lego man then there like now it’s dumb that he did not shameand are literally just look at the time because those are two of the better animated movies exiting the government was but they are my favorite Batman movies really think I 2012and the screeners for dark night right I was shocked because I looked backand forth read the entire synopsis they managed to write up a whole synopsis without once mentioning the word nowhere to be found on the beach I think I’lland the cover was Bruce Wayne climbing like the wall is no those of a no it’s just Christian mailand in the rain heard like down from like the bar idea that it was just like the colostomy bag Academy voter anymore the impression that there really is then again looking at Wolverine on the Lorraine in combating now should wonder woman need help from for me personally I the superhero film how you compare superhero film to the drama what account if you can’t be beautiful to selectionand even

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THIS WEEK WAS DEATHLY KAMALI HARRIS CLOSELY TAKING THE I Kinda Don't Care Humor T Shirt POSITION OF VP FOR THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY AND THEN THE FIRST ARTICLE IS WIKILEAKS POST UTTERED IN 37 DOCUMENTS ON KAMALI HARRIS HOURS AFTER SHE WAS NAMED JOE BIDEN’S RUNNING MATE THEN WE HAVE THIS IS REALLY BIG DOWN THE LEGAL. Tupac is amazing is very good I just didn’t like the Snoop Dogg character I thought that was sad I didn’t look or feel like Snoop Dogg certain things get the feeling off but I it was I a good movie it’s good to check it out I think it’s impossible to contact his whole life two hours so that poor young saluteand Gigi Mayo did a good job may not did a good joband off course Grady did a good job rabies my guy as he did a great job he played a perfectly but yeah man I go’s latest hours yeah I was a great topic know how would now like you might not like it tell you right back has they would wanted to go to he would probably wanted to go deeper into his life but I think I think you should go see the movie event because I cannot get support things like this in the culture anyways okay so in the end this is good I’m not telling you anything bad it wasn’t a bad movie is a good movie I would tell you it was trash out was actually I was satisfied when I leftand you know you don’t see that movie at this as I was satisfied I got paid my money saw that movie actually bought three tickets are a why why didn’t know what I wanted to go side by three different ticket so I ended up spending 21 see the movie way it’s good I got to go see it that way in Michigan in early dealing I went at 10 AM yet definitely also lucky organized you can be happy sought that because it’s two hours of gray filmmaking okay there might be a few characters that didn’t play detect the characters we know in real life like Snoop Dogg that’s okay your stoveand enjoy the movie hundred percent pay they show every a showing of illness too much they just don’t going total depth of the do you go in the just theater now I didn’t I went to ANSI I know Johnson had here in Atlanta check that out there’s also a Cindy bistro but I went to ANSI the reclining seats not taking part wouldn’t go see JGI now I mean you know I think there needs to be another Tupac I think there needs to be a longer Tupac moving his his life he can’t I still can’t believe he was only 25and did all the things he didn’t like this guy like let’s bring up the staff to say it I how many movies is Tupacand I think he was in seven movies he was an 11 movies 11 movies how many how did the any reported 12345677 now moansand then 7 pounds while he was aliveand then after his death wine 234 5678 910 like her 11 hours after his death I think even more than maybe 12 that’s crazy because think about it most people can’t do that their whole life he didn’t like years that’s crazy as first argument 119 91 Tupac Now that’s crazy man so he he was really like active active like six years that’s it six years man that’s crazy man in a day show everything him even wanting to kinda get off death row that the way he died way that a problem with some crib members right before he died think they can show everything generally leads to much outmanned so as for everyone to play now appreciate you broke appreciationand salute Yogi Banks was good to Tupac was pretty amazing brought me to do all that in such a short amount of time that’s crazy we that’s think about that Mandy that no one is ever to be like pot hate it when people compare themselves to talk like even Wyattand Lucci dropped something today saying something pot did know you near Pac Man you can’t be out for two yearsand compare yourself to talk I’m sorry man I’m sorry if you a betting thugand attend movies if you been an 11 moviesand you haven’t done seven now moans within five years get I hearand also had deftly watch the movie the least two hours two hoursand 20 minutes is pretty long but doesn’t feel that long cuts like you going through that timeline talks deftly the greatest just product the jaded JPEGand said her character was a bunch of lies they put in what the movie guys okay there was they had to establish that jaded taking Tupac had a special relationship that was deeper than just being friends it was a soul sold their souls matched rightand I was the only way they can kinda show that in a short amount of time so they had to show interaction with him in jail that was really deep in the content they had to embellish a little bit go totally crazy with itand show jaded Tupac in effect seen Ernie think that she even said their relationship was deeper than sex they never had sex it was deeper than sex because they it was a mental bondand you know she said you only get one of those friendships your whole life nowand I you know that they did for the movie I don’t think a hand biotics aren’t always exactly on a percent okay but you know annulment JT never was going to leave death row JT yes he was actually Wendy day who was friends with talk he was leaving death row he just couldn’t get off because they worry that he would have to get lawyers everything to he was in the process of doing honestly the last three months he was trying to get his paperwork right to get off the death row but you don’t just tell himand walk away like Dr Dre did it savage life but he had moneyand he started a labeland Dr Dre produced his own shared everything so he didn’t need anybody Tupac had to doand difficult awake is the way he he was on pal from death row it they were buying a house everything he was too tightand it was it would take him a few months to on ravel from death row on my arm to come out soon is joking to Jordan for retro shop tomorrow okay cool I think the movie was asked it was just it was good Okay I’m not I’ll think so afraid of the movie was okay it wasn’t trash it was good I think it was good I thinkand encourage everybody to go see it it wasn’t the best bioticand fiber seen think the strata Compton was fucking go feeling to it is that it was missing that feeling but still get why is your character she played a big role in cycles of yet they missed out a few people but in the mist at the scene where he spent on the infamous stingray spent on the the I reportersand 40 guy I heard about 40 got was pop today are I hope he pulls through nine John Singleton has a real spooky shit going onand I I think it would be good if he he was turning it too deep with it was it better than the movie the movie was more cinematic than this was I can’t say it was better though they were about equal now peace mode staffand how they betray the relationship between pocketand his mother that was dealt those were the two strongest characters meand I’m right just talk about the movieand I will talk about tomorrow to if you guys but I it ways that those were the two strongest characters man they showed how strong the bond was between his mother how his mother was there form after she got cleanand he had some successand got her cleanand everythingand she was more clearheadedand help was there for Pokand warned him about certain things going on in that your target on his back as he was a black leader evaluate it was definitely was it’s definitely were seeing Jason was definitely worsening is get Richard tried die trying a better movie better yes it is because think about it. You know interaction ever had because you couldn’t speak at all thank you everybody else took offense to everyone who came as something they would take a look at say anything back so they would just say everything is going to say my face would just tell also’s argument was that your Film I get out there that think they are right baseball garden I did bring you it is betterand has been so interested is a friend of my body get out there the antibody is in a hospital make their case advantage of them in any way you possibly can move on to our first story here todayand is according to the high reporter scares me that actually deadline high reporter broke a story about a lot of yesterday deadline is not about the new villainand wonder woman to is none other than Sheena played by Kristen Wade apparently paycheckand has had her eye on wake for a while now to play this roleand it looks to be confirmed so that she is going to be going up against wonder woman in the sequel to this massive wonder woman they came out last year the new movie comes on November 1 2000 19th J Washington in any way on the panel knows a little something about Sheena is get a VU what does this mean for wonder woman to you no more you know what for first was one of one woman’s biggest adversaries which is cool use granted they didn’t do in the first movie you burned her out from World War Iand had going forward for two Christian week is interesting casting choice as we been seeing a lot lately with comedic actorsand actresses black I said this on twitter if we can get great Elizabeth Banks is repulsing granted the movie the powerand the heart of the story the cake they did on Rita was nice the way she looked at the different look the vision of a Christian week plan is now will she be as serious or comedic is the question you know now also the story of cheetah is a British archaeologist who goes in Africa they had an opportunity to make this potentially a black British woman there’s a lot of things you do great don’t have to change the cultureand the nationality of the character but you done about bunch of things Christian week is a good choice I believe black will have to see you know when you quit yesterday about the rhetoric also compares it was an interesting one at a very early going on to policy your readerand are in the phase where you will reader processing the I actually like our industry in a limitedand I know the old school reader pulseand everybody was hoping to see in Greenwich have to change things sometimes so using the way they get Elizabeth with this one the Krispy Kreme things a little too much I limit like the look is what I was talking about we can expect her to look as bad as she didand who is a Christian we can look like an incredibly soft terrifyingand look like everything that nightmares are because I know that person that scale afterand I had decided not to go sleep that night like this character sheet in general it is likely because of the complaint getting a lot of Power Rangersand about Elizabeth is reader repulsive she was doing her job if your job was to be in the 90s show Power Rangers seem to fit in with the time when the new movie was trying to do so how’s the character like cheetah who from the fanart for whatever is you are looking to come up with seems a little more outlandish than what we got in wonder woman the first movie I was I get a job with the town because this is the first outlandish character to get that’s a human who transformsand something else with justice league you halfstep more that’s in our worldly creature is in itself with complementingand get everything that’s naturally in Atlanta so we understand that this is gonna be something new to see the DCU you know that to be the interest of our behind again we dealt with psychological sale a question when dating Ghostbustersand other films but this has to be something different will have a comedic element potentially Casio serious will see Harry immediately relocatedand seeing like comedians turn into the deep illness rolesand I rooted for everyone in the marketing point of vampire only those crazy if I were to do a rather like the movie didn’t work as well rises to be in one hour photo resigning like this could work out I think it did think Connex can test it to a darker side of their personality getting Kristen Wade is going to be able to do you I have made during especially the just need your initial impression is lie regarding the morning moreand more I read the other where twins are rolling over she’s going to be a good work can know that she is a good idea if Peterson is really talking on the show where it’s like you feel about one wayand in the next week you feel the same exact way did you get this newsand then have an initial reactionand has that changed all sense you heard about this yesterday plates at the words were not including the reference got into because I first heard the confidenceand Christian way to be able to take her time fender from the community of economic theory generally by tradition works much better than tomato doctors trying to go however my question really affect the talent of what wonder woman he was going to be because if they are bringing Christian right are they planning to make it more the sort of lighthearted comedic type of film compared to the first one where there very negligible humor so much of the few moments of levity but it’s not going the route of life like they do in the NICU movie maxed out when they are trying to may be asking rather than actually having Kristen be super hard core cannot write most of the last few got from wonder woman were were very genuine think the reason for that is because she was allegedly try to find her way in the man’s world so to speak because she went out of her boss Dennis Garethand her interactions the chemistry Chris finds where we got most of the yacht if you will get a movie like Ghostbusters obviously that’s more spoof the then I think you get to see if you wanted so here’s the big question you are left to get over to the panel as a fan person wayand that they can be won over to her performance the one I wanted is under just a little bit of pressure yet again because the first time a woman came outand had to rescue us from this dark gray toneand it succeededand then you have justice leagueand now very divisive movie again so whatever man does with my CAN have a more serious darker tone seems once again is directing it what do we need wonder woman to have in order to make Kristen Wade fit into this balance because as we saw with justice league trying to shift the entire town of DC name from Zach Siders darker version to Joss Wheaton’s line or humorous version the China ship Nike seven Apple man James one says dark black James wants a what you expect I think it’s the balance you’re gonna have a humorist element with one woman like you said in the first you have those humorous moments when you tap into that a little more Diana plays around that we seem that she jokes moreand now she’s more accurate to the world again if this present day is his will to but it doesn’t matter I think I will have a lot more humorand Patty Jenkins also ceased exercising more than anything else so that’s what I would single phase it is Kathy Parsley I can send out the rest of the DCU yelled at everyone with your director changes with your your hiringsand firings of executives with your cash comingand going like the movie I want to make I guess Kristen Wade is a cheetah going to do it I can do I want right now how skinny my confidenceand she sort of envisioned Christian right brain itselfand the one she essentially is writing the role for Christianand the only present quite depressing right was Christianand I think that will be sort of tailored to Christian relaxing make this work a lot more holisticallyand cohesively been made in micro barring a comedic actress integral where really wasn’t for you See Other related 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[oelfinessend]

just can’t handle it, must get round to it

Hello, @tsukiharu​. Here’s your secret santa step in. I’m incredibly sorry for the delay, but I was stranded away from decent coverage and electricity, and had to climb the roof to check my mail :/. Moreover, by the time you replied I’ve already began writing and while I certainly have ideas for your prompts they will take a while to write properly if you’d still want them. My attempt at arranged marriage and courtship has run away as early as the second page, so all I can do is give you this bizarre AU and hope you won’t hate me :[

Find the fic on <a href=“http://archiveofourown.org/works/13460478“>ao3</a> or in this post.

‘Greater than many you will fly.’ They wrote. ’Higher than your wildest dreams you will be taken.’ Was promised. ‘And for all will be price.’

Except Tony won’t fly and pay the price because he is Howard’s price, carelessly promised for many trinkets.

He knows it since before he can remember, that his father agreed to give away his own child for a chance to find Captain America.

He also knows that whatever his being a ‘price’ might entail so far it involves him being miserable, added with impressive substance abuse and whole weeks he spends in his workshop. Tony has his workshop only because of Obie, who allows him to invent, to think, to create. Aside from his bots and JARVIS, he can converse only with Obie and Rhodey. The staff is afraid of him and the world seems to be focused entirely on his every move, analysing the rare precedent of a prayer being answered.

Tony meets Pep like that. She masks her gentle curiosity and the following pity very well and later they disappear whatsoever, and for that he will be forever grateful. This is the lifeline that allows him to keep going, to live while Howard Stark becomes a husk of himself with eyes still burning with unholy fire, with the spite of the damned. He is a recluse, immersed in his projects that promise to drain the Stark fortune. SI is all but given to Obadiah who likes to lure Tony into his dealings and Tony hires a maddeningly competent Virginia Potts to be left  with the only thing he really cares about - making stuff.

Soon enough, Pep is involved in SI far more than she is in Tony’s life, which is understandable, and somehow Tony finds himself looking at his new assistant. The guy is standing right in his workshop, looking friendly and soft around the edges. Then it turns out it’s impossible to chase this intruder away, his soft edges are bullshit and soon Tony finds himself snarking back at Adam.

He’s awesome, that guy who grasps Tony’s jargon and ideas and keeps up and gives as good as he gets and doesn’t take any bullshit thrown at him. Adam is putting Tony on edge, though, the puzzle pieces never quite fitting and something always missing in the picture.

Two or so months of amazing creative process later, Tony is doodling idly, having just showered and eaten, because Adam is a prude and won’t go anywhere near if Tony ‘is not presentable’.

This is the day everything goes to shit, because Howard decides to show his zombie face an hour before Obie storms in, demanding to see Tony.

Obie narrows his eyes at Adam, demanding to state his identity, while Adam looks bored and unimpressed, which is his default expression. In fact, he looks unnervingly interested in Howard, which kinda makes Tony hate them both (and, as usual, hate himself, because what else could he have expected, what did he think, he could be interest-)

“Address me in that manner once more and your tongue shall be buried ahead of you.”

This is a growl and everything falls silent. Adam smiles his thin smile and cocks his head.

“Who are you?” This is the first time Tony’s heard his father speak in years and his voice is scratchy, low. His eyes are still unnerving, portraying his unyielding focus. Adam keeps on with being unimpressed, though, only moves and paces around Howard, looking him up and down.

“Midgard’s grown disrespectful since I’ve last visited it.” He muses and changes, just like that, his hair growing longer from its stylish cut, skin pales and eyes grow green, so bright that Tony can actually discern the colour from across the room. Then not-Adam is moving back towards Tony, his movements smoother, somehow more powerful and just as the transformation the fact that Tony isn’t scared is baffling. He is actually relieved. This is some closure, finally, to (not) Adam’s unnerving edge and clearly, the bullshit ‘price’ thing is coming to its end.

“Are you Adam?” Tony asks carefully, his lizard brain alarmed at that prowl.

Head cocked, eyes laughing, the man smiles. “I am Loki.” Is all he replies.

Loki. Tony knows that name, he’s spent countless hours reading on any supernatural being known to the Internet and Loki is… interesting. Not really appropriate, in Tony’s opinion and surprising, given Howard’s prayer.

Apparently satisfied with whatever reaction on Tony’s face he sees Loki smiles again and sprawls into a chair, impressively pulling off his almost whore-like posture. “Now you may leave us alone.” He addresses both Obie and Howard and both dig their heels.

“I’m not leaving Tony with whoever you are.” Obie intones darkly and Howard steps forward, looking almost feverish.

“Who are you to appear in my home and demand this after making me wait for so many years!” He almost shouts and his voice breaks slightly out of disuse.

Loki sighs irritably. “Mages of Asgard cannot break a prayer-bound promise. Your demand was heard and it was satisfied - your mind was clear and fast for many years, was it not?” He waves dismissively as Howard opens his mouth. “Don’t let your hubris blind you, mortal. No one on Midgard is able to go weeks without any sleep and yet your thinking was unhindered. Such was the blessing given to you. Whatever you decided to do with it concerns me not and I am beginning to tire of your presence.” He smiles at the procured indignation and turns to Obie. “And you don’t have to worry, mayhaps if the Fates favour us we can all go to Afghanistan.”

At that Obie pales strangely and seems to deflate. Looking bored, Loki switches his gaze to Tony. “This is getting ridiculous. I will await in your workroom.”

Left alone and gaping at the empty chair, Tony scrambles away from Howard’s burning glare and Obie’s thoughtful one. As stated, Loki is in his workshop, occupying his usual place with his newfound dramatic flair.

Loki patiently sits through Tony’s almost-meltdown and only blinks at the following barrage of questions. It happens that Loki is a prince and a mage (ha! Tony will need far more than a couple of parlor tricks to even contain his laughter, never mind taking this seriously) and the Head Seidrmaster in Asgard. It doesn’t really matter except that it totally does, because apparently Howard’s half-assed (by Loki’s standards) prayer reached one of those seidr-people and for whatever reason they decided to go along.

“A prayer gives a remarkable bout of power, of happiness.” Loki explains patiently, giving off surprisingly Pepper-like vibes. “An inexperienced mage has to be exceptionally strong of will to resist that. Uldr was not.”

Tony snorts. He doesn’t really care (he does, a little, Loki is a living story and also a lot of people would literally give their limb for a chance to talk to him).

“When I found out about the deal it was too late.” Loki purses his lips unhappily, eyes becoming hard. “And the duty of overseeing this fell to me.” He makes a vague gesture with his left hand. “I admit I have forgotten about the Midgardian lifespan and allowed myself to linger a bit too long.”

Tony huffs, asks about the lifespan thing and blinks at the answer. Five thousand Asgard’s years, Loki says, more for a mage. Asgard’s year is nearly four of Earth’s.

Talk about unimaginable scales, Tony honestly can’t comprehend the life where decades are nothing, where your milestones are hundreds.

His mind blanks out a bit at that and when Tony finally scrambles his brains back in order he finds himself alone.

There is very little time for him to begin feeling abandoned or offended because soon he hears the commotion. By the time Tony decides to investigate he is again in Loki’s company and for a change the other man looks pleased.

The following days are, for a lack of a better word, busy. Everyone has a lot to do; Howard is trying to pin Loki down and get something from him, Loki vanishes and appears as he pleases, his mood changing just as suddenly. Obie is suspiciously docile while Pep is busy arranging the business so that it belongs to Tony. That is a sudden development and apparently both Howard and Obie are okay with Loki basically telling them what to do. Well, not really, Howard is all of a sudden a lot more present in the mansion and Tony’s life. Tony is busy planning building his own tower where he will live as far from this gloomy place as possible. He discovers that managing a company is fucking hard, especially if you just basically got it and the attention he thought he is accustomed to is even more intense and seemingly every person in the world wants something from you.

Loki doesn’t help. In fact, Loki revels in the chaos, which is unsurprising, given his title. He refuses to accept numerous invitations or even pleas coming for him. At the same time, he somehow helps Tony, because navigating people is hard and Loki knows how it’s done. It’s pleasant, even, that change of pace and scenery, the constant challenge and, most importantly, the freedom. For the first time Tony is able to get out, to do as he chooses and give a finger to anyone objecting. Not always and not really, but he moves out and never looks back.

***

“What you are describing is marriage.” Tony says flatly, looking down at Loki. Which is only because he’s standing six feet higher, overseeing the construction of his tower. Because now he can build himself a fucking tower.

“Yes, in your language and culture that is the closest concept.” Loki allows and returns the look. He manages to stare Tony down, the fucker. “But you need to take into consideration that ‘the marriage’ as you know it is just the most long lived and respected form of union on Midgard, which is untrue for most of the other Realms. I’ve been married by Aesir customs, married twice.” He jumps to Tony, covering fifteen feet in one effortless leap. “What the All-Father demands is different.”

“I don’t care.”

Tony doesn’t, he doesn’t care about some medieval crap with predestiny and respectful unions.

“‘Medieval.’” Loki spits. “Your charming egotism will help in your business, I think.” He smiles toothily at Tony’s outraged grimace. “Your conservative and limited brain is so busy clutching at comforting concepts you can’t even hear me properly.”

“Conservative and limited?” Tony hisses in disbelief, because wow. “Explain how is your magic-bound shit is not limited? It was without my fucking consent and now I need to fucking marry you because some guy I don’t even believe exists says so!”

“Consent.” Loki snorts. “Don’t cheapen the word. Your father consented for you, as is your land’s custom. It can’t be marriage because I am not a lawful citizen of Midgard so this argument is obsolete. And it’s not marriage by the Asgard’s law, Anthony.”

“Yes, we are just bound by your voodoo shit and take responsibility for each other’s actions. Wow, that’s not marriage at all.”

Loki’s eyes narrow and face relaxes, which is beyond alarming, he’s on his way to being livid.

“Not by Asgard’s law.” He repeats in a soft, calm voice. “And what a hardship it will be, with that law not recognized on Midgard and as such you being a man free to pursue whatever fancy might strike you. Ah, what a burden to be protected by the royal House of Odin, to have an opportunity to learn the ways other realms live and evolve, to perfect your inventions in ways unimaginable to any on Midgard.” He gives a tender smile, which gives an unpleasant contrast to the offended fury of his glare. “But that’s a scientist’s reasoning, so what am I even thinking?”

And, because he loves having the last word, Loki disappears. Tony swears loudly and explicitly, hoping that the words will reach their target.

Loki doesn’t pop out the following day, or week, or month. Tony goes from scared to angry to repentant to offended to furious.

By the time the bastard decides to finally show his face the Tower is ready, a shiny, perfect thing better than anything Tony could’ve dream of. In a fit, tied in knots about Loki’s absence, he decided to stop with the weapons and now is busy dealing with the fallout. The press hounds him, Obie keeps throwing him dark looks and even always flawless Pep looks harried.

Tony arranges for a new PA and that is exactly when a timid-looking guy decides to throw a fucking grenade at him. Tony is too busy staring as the grenade is being disintegrated by a golden mist to hear the crunch of bones.

He looks up at Pep’s scream and follows the guy as he drops to Loki’s feet, his head turned almost 180. There’s a moment of silence and they are alone again, body vanishing along with Loki.

“You fucking motherfucker.” Tony growls, which is a bit lame, but whatever. What the fuck is he thinking, disappearing and then-

Loki is here again, with a loud, uncharacteristic noise. He looks at Pepper and throws another body at her feet.

“I though corporate espionage is against the law on Midgard.” He sneers, nudging at the woman. “Or do you invite killers willfully?”

Pepper, bless her, calms down immediately and peers down at the woman, who, Tony can see now, is alive and just unconscious.

“Are you bleeding?” Is what she asks next and Tony snaps his eyes higher. Loki’s lips press together and it brings out the unhealthy grayness of his face.

“Look out for her.” Is his reply.

“Wait a second.” Tony springs into action, cursing himself for standing there like an idiot. Loki picks up the woman and gives Tony an unimpressed stare.

“We need to talk”. Tony says quickly but it’s too late.

He curses again and turns away from Pep’s curious and pitying eyes.

Fucker, selfish fucker, that Loki.

Tony doesn’t bother with goodbye, just goes to his fabulous penthouse and pulls the feed. He tells himself it’s purely to learn who wants him dead but in truth he concentrates on Loki as he appears in a burst of sparks and grasps the man’s head, long fingers sure, experienced. Loki sways a little as he pick the body up and sways again when he reappears with the woman - who Tony needs to investigate also - and Loki’s never swayed, even when he played his part as Adam.

He hates himself for the fact that all of his anger and indignation disappear and now there is only worry and brittle hope, stronger than ever, because Loki protected him, he obviously came because that golden thingy alerted him and the fact that Tony was, err, spelled, apparently, is a bit condescending but mostly returns the warmth missing since after their last conversation.

Tony hates that he is mostly okay with the weird not-really-marriage thing because it will give him an added leverage to pin Loki down and explore other planets, fuck that, other star systems, Tony was really having a childish reaction. Maybe he needed the time to stew and think this shit over, who knows. Now he just hopes that Loki’s alright and comes back soon. He chases the thoughts of ‘six months are nothing to his fifteen thousand years, he can disappear for a year this time’ away with effort. Tony hopes.

“Sir.” JARVIS wakes him gently. “Sir, you have a guest.”

“Whatever.” Tony yawns, tries to stretch his neck.

“It’s Mr Odinson.” J says with a hint of gentle reproach and Tony bolts out of his chair.

“The living room, sir.” JARVIS provides.

Loki is standing in front of the glass wall (because Tony’s had enough of the mansion’s semi-darkness), cutting an impressive figure against the windows. For the first time he’s dressed in not Earth’s clothes. There is a lot of leather and what looks like gold designs on his boots and sleeves.

At Tony’s steps Loki turns around, revealing more gold on his high collar and what looks like a stylized breastplate. He looks kinda like the prince he claims to be.

“You needed to talk.” Loki says evenly, keen eyes watching as Tony moves forward and politely looks at Loki’s face and not his alien clothes.

“Yeah, well.” This is so uncomfortable, fuck. “Want a drink?”

After a moment of consideration Loki inclines his head. His gaze presses on Tony as he moves to the bar and waves in the direction of the couch, hoping the gesture is welcoming and effortless, not dismissive.

Loki is surprisingly omnivorous so Tony takes a decanter of whiskey, because there’s no way he’s living through this conversation sober. By the time he makes it to the chair Loki’s already settled, more collected than his usual sprawl of limbs.

“I have conversed with JARVIS briefly.” Loki starts and Tony, who was just a second ago busy manning up to apologize, is blindsided a bit. “He has new servers and capacity, isn’t he better as your assistant?”

The question is voiced with a gentle curiosity, which is very polite, and Tony hates it. He snorts and waves his glass.

“But I programmed J and I can silent him. That’s sometimes counterproductive.”

He waits for a snort or a derisive smile at ‘counterproductive’, but it never comes and Tony frowns. “C’mon, what’s with that diplomatic stuff?” He can’t quite bring himself to apologize, not because he doesn’t feel guilty, but because- Tony doesn’t even know himself.

Loki’s eyes are unnaturally green and very bright.

“What do you wish to talk about?”

Honestly, sincerely, Tony just can’t. What the fuck is up with that bastard?

“What do you think? Where were you, why the fuck did you just leave and didn’t bother to, I don’t know, visit and rant at me? What’s that misty thing and what the fuck did it do to a grenade? Why weren’t the pen Pep threw at me three weeks ago misted away? Are you alright? Because you didn’t look all that great just this morning. Where did you take that guy and I really want to investigate, you know, my attempted assassination. And is all that shit with not-marriage still valid or  you just decided to fuck off for good?”

Loki’s brows shoot up at that last part and admittedly Tony has revealed a bit more than he intended.

“Hmm.” Loki visibly relaxes, his body sprawling more and face more open. He looks up. “In order: I think there are multiple questions you want to talk about, I have left because there were too many hurtful words on my mind and some blows are easy to make and hard to recover from.” Loki’s eyes are heavy under his slight frown. “I had no desire to make a visit for a quarrel and I have duties I needed to attend to on top of that. I left a protection spell working and it is somewhat sentient so it couldn’t react violently to the Lady Pepper’s pen. I am well, the alert came in a bit of situation but the Aesir are more resilient than you of Midgard and any wounds I received are healed by now. Your assailant's body is kept for future purposes and the union still needs to take place.”

“Somewhat sentient?” Tony repeats and forces himself back on track. “Well, thanks for holding back, I suppose.” He doesn’t know what to say. Tony feel stupidly grateful for that, shit, he is angry but he’s also glad that Loki didn’t eviscerate him, because he very well can, both with words and, apparently, with his bare hands, fuck. Tony just knows that he’s most likely will rewatch the footage of this evening when Loki leaves. With that thought in mind he blurts. “Are you staying over? There’s a floor for you.”

He wants to disappear as soon as he says that, but Loki brightens a bit, not a hint of derision on his face. “A floor for me?” He smiles, but it’s a pleased smile.

“Yeah, well, aren’t you a prince?” Tony tries for lighthearted. It was a foregone thing in his planning, even after Loki decided to hide his face, that there would be a place for him, and what a joke to give a guest room when Tony has the whole Tower and it’s Loki.

“Show me.” Loki says, as he always has, when he was Adam and demanded to know everything about Tony’s work and when he is Loki and wants to know everything about Tony’s life.

Loki likes his floor, which is a bit strange, because Tony had no idea what to do with the interior and left it as it is - bare walls, which makes him a bit of a dumbass to invite a guest to sleep on cement floor.

Still, Loki is obviously pleased. “Ah, and can I raise the walls as I see fit?”

Tony shrugs at that, because whatever. “You have to let me get J’s sensors here, though.”

“I’m afraid my seidr will intervene with their workings anyway, but I’ll think of something if that’s necessary.” Loki allows, making a dismissive gesture and successfully making every wall disappear. Tony blinks at the sudden illusion of low ceiling and turns around in light panic. Thankfully, the elevator is still present.

“Are you competing with the palace of Asgard, Anthony?” Loki asks with a smile as he steps around, looking back and forth. There are multiple shiny balls springing from his hands and floating around and giving the surroundings a warm hue.

“I’m Tony Stark.” Tony huffs in reply, which sounds a bit stupid but Loki nods in understanding. Then he makes a forceful step, more like a stomp and the space begins to morph.

In a matter of minutes they are standing in an inviting hall, with light walls and ceiling adorned with what looks like multiple polished crystals. Loki disappears into a wide, large arc of pale stone and by the time Tony catches up the next room is transformed also, there is a large black bowl in the middle, made of what appears to be semi-transparent rock.

“Is it one of your customs?” Tony calls while Loki is busy creating low padded stools or something. At the inquiring glance Tony shrugs and motions at the bowl. “I know you are not vikings but you must drink a lot.” The bowl is easily seven feet in diameter.

Loki looks uncommonly bewildered then he huffs. “It’s a fireplace, Anthony.”

“A- A what? It’s not a fireproof room!”

He receives an impressive eye roll in reply. Loki settles on a very soft-looking seat and gives Tony one last dirty look before dumping firewood and with a snap of fingers there is fire. Bright golden light which lights the bowl from the inside, making it rich red with deep blue streaks running roots-like from the bottom of the bowl.

“There will be no smoke.” Loki says, looking at the ceiling intently. There is nothing to see for a mortal eye but aside from pleasant warmth there is no smell or other sign of open fire. Tony settles closer to Loki and stares at the crackling fire.

“You can’t create matter.” He says at last because he can’t really think of anything else.

“Of course not.” Loki replies. “The law of Universe doesn’t work like that.”

“Right. Because you knew physics so well.”

It was Tony who had to explain everything to him, even if Loki is an exceptionally fast learner.

“Oh, do be more condescending. I never learned Midgard’s sciences and why would I? You have only recently began to get closer to understanding the world around you, while Svartalfar scholars knew how to create local singularities long before the birth of eucumene.” Loki snorts gently at the last word. “To be able to change the Universe at will one must understand how it works; to apply pressure at exactly the right point in the exact amount. This is what a mage is, and magic as you so charmingly laugh at is nothing like what I grew up learning. We do not deal in toad hearts or whatever your tales concocted. We study the workings of seidr and the World Tree and work with the knowledge we gather, we do not hope for a result.”

“So. Still physics.” Tony grins at Loki’s huff and nudges a bit closer. “And what were you doing? How did you make all this stuff?”

“I did not make the fireholder. I fetched it from my workroom, such items are not created overnight. Mostly I just rearranged the matter residing here. There will be more work to make the floor to my liking, but it will do for now.”

“Wow, your mageness, you’re easy to please.” Tony gives the bare room a telling look and grins. He missed this.

“I slept on bare stone or wet shore many a time. This is no hardship.”

“Sure, Loki Grills, as you say.” Then, after a pause, Tony itches again. “So, you can take whatever you want from wherever?”

Loki scrunches his nose. “I need to be familiar with the place and with the item in question; my workroom is imbued with my seidr, it’s the place I know the best in all the Realms, as such concentrating on it and reaching out is no hardship. Otherwise it’s easier to shift somewhere and extract what is needed by hand. Small items I carry around.” He makes a smooth gesture rotating his wrist and there is a bottle in his hand.

“Are you telling me you have a pocket dimension?” Tony asks, because. Because.

“You call it that, yes.” Loki nods. “But it’s more like a cluster of bends in space, individual for each item. It’s easier that way.”

Tony blinks at him, what the fuck, you bastard, how could you- it hits him suddenly that Loki’s been teleporting this whole time and apparently Tony’s been so deep in denial that he wrote it off as some bullshit pseudo-god power, but no, Loki has just been bending time and space and leaping light years away and back with just a thought.

“Do it again!” Tony demands, hopping closer and concentrating solely on Loki’s hands. He has a moment to hate himself for sounding like an eager kid (he feels like an eager kid, but that’s a heartbreak for another time), then Loki lifts both hands and makes a flowing, rotating gesture, then grasps as a book appears out of thin air. He passes it to Tony, who takes it with a rare reverence.

The book is solid. Quite heavy for its size, no thicker than Tony’s thumb and bound in an unknown material with three clasps made of dull red metal. They are completely smooth without a hint of a slit and flow into the cover seamlessly.

Maybe the questions are apparent on Tony’s face, because Loki reaches and expertly flicks open the clasps.

“This is my latest, ah,” he frowns, looking for the word, “dissertation, you might say. It’s a standard protection for spell-filled writings, they can be violent without proper containment.”

Tony feels like Harry Potter, only rich and insanely smart and having not mumbo-jumbo words but extraphysics in front of him. Some pages are nothing but symbols and they are obviously words but there are often blocks of completely different symbols. Sometimes there are diagrams, one page opens by itself and Loki has to slap it and burn the drawing back into the page. The lines make Tony’s brain hurt a bit because they are clearly not even three-dimensional.

“Enough.” Loki says gently and takes the book back. He slaps it closed with force and the clasps morph together. Tony wants it back, his own, science fairytale literally in his hands.

The book disappears again and instead Loki holds Tony’s favorite mug. He turns it around in his hands, drums his fingers along the rim and then gives it to the owner.

“Here.” He says with a slight smile. “It will contain four times its measure of liquid and will keep it of starting temperature.”

Tony stares at him of a moment, then his gaze snaps to the unassuming (and now very clean, of course) mug, then back. Then Tony frantically looks around, but of course there is nothing here and he bolts to the elevator. The crystals in the first hall twinkle in rhythm with their gentle shift in brightness but Tony sees and hears none, he is busy tearing down to his kitchen and firing commands at Jarvis, who is not very pleased at having a whole floor basically cut out from his reach.

“Later, J.” Tony promises as he dumps iced water into the mug and watches it disappear. The bottom of the mug is foggy and Tony can’t see where and how the water goes but after a while it begins to fill and then he dumps the water in the sink, watching as it flows.

It’s not a real science test, but Tony is still feeling like a kid and he feels ridiculously happy, as if he’s received a gift he asked but didn’t believe he’d get. Except he couldn’t even ask for that, that casual, fast and effortless bending of all the laws he knows.

“It will contain solid objects according to its visible size and expel the dirt after a while.” Loki says from behind Tony, startling the man. “For safety concerns I spelled it unbreakable in usual circumstances, but be aware that upon destruction the contained space will enlarge and then implode, affecting at least seven feet of surroundings. Concentrating laser on it will most likely result in destruction.”

Tony gapes at him and carefully places the mug on the counter. Suddenly he can see the awkwardness in Loki, in the way he stands and patiently waits for the reaction, his face relaxed but eyes alert and ready. Tony doesn’t know what it is Loki is preparing himself for, doesn’t want to know why he is so uncomfortable with giving gifts but there is too much in his chest to contain so he dives forward and gives Loki a hug.

It’s an awkward thing, marred by Tony’s indignation at Loki’s too tall frame and the fact that he isn’t used to being physical, but it beats talking about problems, so Tony grasps at the soft texture of Loki’s jacket and after a moment a hand is placed carefully on his shoulder. It doesn’t press him closer but neither is it pulling him back so that’s a win.

From that point on it’s like the floodgates are open and Tony can’t stop reaching out and touching. It takes some time to notice and some more time to analyse and in the end it’s Jarv who concludes that it’s most likely that sir’s actions are a result from severe touch starvation. Well, that explains it.

Actually, no, it doesn’t explain Tony’s childlike joy when the whole business with the ‘union’ is explained properly, doesn’t explain a sneaky thought at the back of his mind that Loki can’t really go away and abandon Tony. It’s an unpleasant arrangement in concept but does Tony care? Not in the least, not anymore. From what he saw Loki enjoys his company and it’s very much reciprocated, so that’s it.

The whole ordeal is far less impressive than Tony’s expected, what with Loki’s title and big words about magic. There is the teleportation (which is severely unpleasant on what feels like molecular level) and Loki’s determined eyes as he takes Tony’s hand and places it on a warm bluish panel in a column of solid black stone.

“Recognized.” A solemn woman nods and a dozen of figures go on their business. That’s it, the big thing Loki was raving about is summed in a couple of seconds, because ‘of course, Anthony, the ceremony or any redundant flair is harmful to the dealings of seidr’ (so cute, there is not redundant flair).

Tony has much larger things to concentrate on, like for example the strong possibility that his sexuality has taken an abrupt one eighty and there is a whole list of moments normal at first but which are constantly on the back on his mind, like milestones leading to the inevitable.

There was that awkward hug in his kitchen, the first time Loki laughed freely, that day they spent under the invisibility spell, the purple spires of Svartalfheim, Loki’s hunting outfit and his dress armor which to be fair Tony has seen maybe a fraction of a second, because he kinda needed help for his latest experiment and was exploiting his right to call. Loki wasn’t impressed and left immediately; Tony pulled the feed to try and catch the moment of his arrival and, well. He wasn’t aware Asgard’s fashion trends tended towards ‘obscene’ or ‘obscenely revealing’.

Despite the numerous willing women he’s picked up in blatant protest, Tony feels wrong-footed somehow, unable to even recognize his attraction. He knows he’s getting clingier, abusing Loki’s goodwill and patience, but it’s just good. Tony will stop as soon as he’s told to, until then, he’ll take what he can.

This stellar plan is destroyed by the betrayal of Tony’s own body. He’s busy listening to Loki explaining how their flying ships work, maintaining just enough brainpower to ask appropriate questions now and then, while most of the focus is directed at the way Loki’s chest expands on inhales and rumbles when he speaks. After a while there is a pause and Loki says, “Is that particular topic arousing or are you just in the mood?”

Tony freezes, but it’s too late, he’s pressed himself close so thoroughly that there is no way for misinterpretation. For a couple of agonizing moments he keeps still in a childish hope that if he wishes for it hard enough it will all disappear - his boner, Loki’s attention and the fact that he can’t even jerk off properly anymore, because there is one person on his mind and he’s afraid of mind reading.

Not getting an answer Loki simply lays a hand on Tony’s shoulder, a heavy, grounding presence and it’s electrifying. At the resulting shudder, the mage exhales softly.

“Or there is that.” He says nonsensically and his hand travels to Tony’s jawbone, a steady torture. Loki’s eyes are always attentive, but this is something else; in the back of Tony’s mind there is a thought that their position is ridiculous and more than resembling covers for numerous trash romantic novels the maids used to read and think their hid so well. Then Loki kisses and Tony comes alive, scrambling forward a bit to align them better and put his hands everywhere at once. He doesn’t know what he wants but that apparently it was a bit too long and if there isn’t sex in the immediate future there would be violence.

Only Loki delivers, oh he does; it is an interesting experience to be the one pampered and indulged: the prep takes hours, literally, and afterwards Tony just lies in a fucked out haze, carding his fingers through Loki’s hair lazily.

It’s a pity his brain doesn’t really shut up for long and soon he twitches restlessly, making the body above stir. Loki frowns down in disapproval, the usual sharpness of his gaze tempered. Tony grins and it’s most likely that his grin is dopey but who cares.

“Can we have science pillow talk? Because that’s the best and about those ships-”

Loki springs into action, one second he is giving Tony an Unimpressed Eyebrow, all relaxed and pliant, the next the mage is crouching over, eyes intent, promising. The kiss he delivers is no less brain-numbing than the first one and Tony pants a little, feeling, to his horror, the beginnings of erection.

“Are you going to kill me with sex? I’m not sure I’ll live through it right now.” Sure, Loki is a master of edging and he makes the torment totally worth it and more, but there are things mortal men are just not able to do.

“Oh, well, we’ll have to do something about that.” Loki shrugs a little, smug and unrepentant; he doesn’t take things further, though, just pins Tony with his weight and frowns a bit.

“I must admit I intended to kill you initially.”

There we go, away with that arousal, thank you, Loki.

“Um, what?”

The mage shrugs minutely. “It seemed like a mercy to us both; I had no intention to be shackled to some mortal imbecile and you are too fragile and young to take to the court.” He makes a pause, visibly fighting with the following words. “Good thing you are not what I expected.”

“Aww.” Tony drawls, immediately relaxing. Maybe he’s spent too much time with the bastard, or maybe he’s just wired wrong but he accepts the admission for what it is: it’s silly to expect different logic from Loki, thousands years old warrior and diplomat of warriors. “I’m so charming the tall, dark and murderous decided against offing me.”

“Am I not handsome?” Loki sniffs, but he smiles a bit, eyes bright and more relaxed than ever.

“You know you are, I’m not feeding your ego. Seriously though, that’s some Twilight shit.” Tony laughs and laughs more when he receives a gentle bite in reprimand. “Yes, I managed to snatch a magical immortal rich prince! That calls for screen adaptation with inaccurate portrayal of sex. I’m too fabulous for a bland cast, though.” He grins unabashedly at Loki’s restrained mirth. “Also, I have multiple MIT degrees and hold patents for most of SI’s innovations, but that’s all trivia.”

“Oh, yes, clearly I was struck with a sense of Fate.” Loki adds wryly.

“Uh-huh. And spent so much time in disguise because you are adorably shy. Shy will do instead of you snapping necks with your bare hands and returning from hunts covered in blood and guts.”

“That happens rarer than you are inclined to think.”

“Maybe. Doesn’t mean you make a pretty sight.” Tony hums, absurdly happy and content. “On that matter, why Adam?”

Loki blinks in silent question.

“I mean, there is a perfectly acceptable Luke, for example.”

“Luke.” Loki deadpans. “If we ever go in disguise anywhere on Midgard I’ll make sure to create an appropriate alias, Tommy.”

Tony scrunches his nose. Like that, it does sound stupid. “Point taken. So you just picked up a random name?”

“Pretty much, Toby.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Ahaha, the initial draft was around 20 000 words of disjoined notes dealing with shit I have no patience towards now, like Obadiah, Iron Man armor, Howard, Fury, Natasha, Shield, Loki-Jotun thing, Asgard, Egyptian and Greek deities (I just threw it away, because fleshing out at the beginning stages was just under 6000 words and I’m just, eeeeeh, deadline, Oel). Yes, I thought of it. No, I couldn’t fit it all in without it taking a couple of months and growing into multi-chap. One day, maybe, who knows.  

[gyrlversion]

Rappa Ternt Gamer: How T-Pain Made Twitch Into The Second Act Of His Career

By Luke Winkie

The calculus for T-Pain was simple. He plays a lot of video games; it’s his primary hobby both at home and in the studio — he famously keeps a juiced laptop on hand at every recording session — so the idea of actually making money from behind an Xbox was kismet. All he needed was someone to open the door. Then, in 2014, as T-Pain’s manager watched his client spend another night on the road mired in twilight deathmatches, he introduced him to Twitch, a rapidly growing live-streaming platform that Amazon had just purchased for $970 million.

“My manager was like, do you know you can do this?” says T-Pain, over the phone with MTV News. “So my manager made a few phone calls, [a couple streamers] came to my hotel room, and they showed me how to get on Twitch. I played Doom online, and I [fell in love with it] immediately.”

It was everything he ever wanted, in a way he never knew how to articulate before. “When I’m gaming, and I do some cool shit, [I’ll] come up to my wife, she’ll be like, ‘What’s wrong?’ I’m like, ‘I just did some cool shit and nobody is going to see it!’” he says. “Nobody was in the room with me! I’m so pissed off!” T-Pain was used to having an audience at Summer Jam every year; now he could take those people home to his springy black computer chair and show them his other major talent. As a fan, you watched gobsmacked as the man who wrote “Bartender” proved, in no uncertain terms, that he also had a decent Genji.

As of this writing, T-Pain has logged nearly 100 hours streaming on Twitch, accumulating over 100,000 total followers along the way. He’s moved past Doom and now plays everything from uber-competitive esports-quality shooters like Overwatch, computer-lab classics like The Sims, and intelligentsia-only indie movers-and-shakers like Risk of Rain 2. It’s all part of a serendipitous second act for the artist. Fifteen years after breaking through as an Auto-Tune-soaked hook guy — responsible for both a brief culture war in hip-hop and a body of work that shadows over everyone from Future to Kanye West — T-Pain has made himself into a bona fide “gamer celebrity.” It was evident up close earlier this year at E3, a yearly trade show that serves as a joint news conference and consumer mecca for anyone interested in the industry. At Ubisoft’s press event, attendees witnessed T-Pain holding court with a cadre of Rainbow Six pros, solidifying his place alongside the Kool Aid-dyed twenty-somethings like Ninja that give Twitch its texture. At a time when the music industry is more amorphous and tenuous than ever, T-Pain has found a way to connect with a new fanbase, even as he continues to put out new music. (He released his latest album, 1UP, in February.)

The most bewildering part is how this 33-year-old has developed a native understanding of the culture. T-Pain looks like everyone else on Twitch when he’s live: a ravioli-sized portal at the bottom corner of the screen points at his face, while a direct link to the gameplay takes up the rest of the display. T-Pain is natural and affable as he’s always been in his music, and if you watch his stream, you’ll see that he’s learned the tried-and-true fundamentals necessary for anyone to cultivate an effective Twitch career. He knows when to read and interact with his chat. He knows what games work as spectator sports, and what games don’t. He knows to never get baited by the trolls. T-Pain says he’s just doing what comes naturally, that his Twitch persona is just himself turned up to 11; he’s enjoying another victory in spare moments between his other obligations. “[People] are always giving me pointers on how to stream, but for the most part, this is just how I am when I game,” says T-Pain. “It’s just me.”

There was a time when T-Pain was one of the very few famous people on Twitch, but that isn’t the case anymore. Last year, it was reported that more than a million people are tuned into the platform at any given time, so inevitably, other crossover artists have started to sniff around his turf. Deadmau5 has had his own controversial run on the platform, and there was that legendary night last year when Drake, Ninja, JuJu Smith-Schuster, and Travis Scott briefly derailed all of social media as they spent an evening playing Fortnite together. But T-Pain takes pride in both being one of the first artists to migrate his talents to the gaming-as-entertainment ecosystem, and also being the only one to take it seriously as an ongoing concern. “I get people saying, ‘Oh, you’re only on Twitch because Drake was on Twitch,” he quips. “It’s like, no, I was on Twitch for four years before Drake was on Twitch!”

Danielle Del Valle/Getty Images

It’s become a fixture of his business interests. As of 2019, T-Pain is represented by the Online Performers Group, a talent management company that hosts a rolodex of traditional Twitch and YouTube stars who came up through gaming, rather than music. There is perhaps no better way to sum up the definition of celebrity in 2019 than by considering how a guy like T-Pain shares representation with Angry Joe. That accidental synergy has brought him a whole new universe of fans: the people who were either unfamiliar with T-Pain’s music, or simply didn’t like T-Pain’s music. All of them have had the chance of a reintroduction to the man through the common ground of video games, which eliminates any genre or generational barriers at the source.

“I’ve got a whole different audience now. I’ve got people on Twitter everyday saying, ‘I didn’t know you played games! I don’t really like your music, but you’ve got a fan in me,'” he says. “People that don’t have an interest in my music, or have a preconceived notion of me because of the music they do, they get to see me just living my life on Twitch, and they’re like, ‘Oh, he’s not an asshole!’ That’s pretty cool.”

Nobody was more prepared for a pivot like this than T-Pain. Consider the many different lives throughout the 15 years he’s been active in the music industry: Florida hardhead, ubiquitous guest-verse maestro, Lonely Island-bred meme, prolific record label executive, legendary Tiny Desk Concert performer. A turn as a Twitch streamer is just another chapter for an artist who learned a long time ago the importance of staying curious and proactive. T-Pain will always be a gamer at heart; it’s what makes his streams spirited and authentic, and distinctly not depressing in the way that the many embarrassing pop-culture crossover attempts this industry has seen in the past. But he’s never lost sight of a fundamental truth: In 2019, stars need to diversify their portfolio to stay relevant. Sometimes, all that takes is a quick game of Doom.

“We have more access to the behind-the-scenes, it’s like how artists coming up now are refusing to sign record deals because of the years and years of artists complaining about how record labels work. When people see that there’s money to be made on Twitch, more artists are going to Twitch,” he finishes. “We’re asking, ‘OK, what can I do outside of rap.’ Because people that are diversifying are getting celebrated. You don’t even have to be doing it well, as long as you’re doing something, people are going to be like, ‘Oh man, he’s so smart! He’s putting money everywhere!’ It’s a great argument in the barbershop. With a lot of diverse fans, people are going to bring in revenue from many different streams, and many different walks of life. Liking weird shit is what makes you different.”

The post Rappa Ternt Gamer: How T-Pain Made Twitch Into The Second Act Of His Career appeared first on Gyrlversion.

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[sarahinzhuhai-blog]

Week 1

Yo, it's ya girl Srah, back at it with another blog post...I'm going to try to do these every Sunday (no promises). So much happened this week that I could write a novel, but I'll try to give a good summary of what has happened so far during my time here. // 周一 (Monday)：The week started off auspiciously when I missed the bus with my mom because the driver decided not to stop at my stop that morning. In a frenzy, we took the next bus that came, got off at a seemingly random station (aka at that point o was completely unaware of how the city worked), then waited as a corner as she summon the mysterious car that took us to school. I only arrived about 10 minutes late, but everything was OK since it was the first day. I went into the room that I was told to go into, and found out that I got placed into the highest class. Yay! Our teacher, 车老师 (Che Laoshi), is the b e s t and I was very excited. At that point, we had six people in our class: me, XY, Maya, Shayley, Isabel and Alec. Our class also has four TAs, two of them come every day. The first day, like every other day, classes went like this: three hours of language instruction with 10 minute breaks, A half hour of time with language partner to review and practice, a two hour lunch break, another hour of instruction, and another half hour with the language partners. To my delight, class was taught ~90% in Chinese, which is very different from my class at home but is very good for learning. The first day was a review of Pinyin and tones, which we all already knew. That being said, I have a very hard time differentiating between second and third tone when I listen, and my pronunciation is a disaster, so the chance to practice was welcome. My language partner (语伴), Zhang Yini, is very nice and very patient with me. Over the week, I found out that we have a lot in common (in addition to having the same last name). The first main bonding point was that we both watch the same Chinese variety show (Go Fighting)--we found this out when I forgot the name of the show and did the main gesture/punch line from it and she instantly knew what I was talking about. In addition to being all around awesome, she is also very patient with me--she knows I want to practice pronunciation and tones, so she is always willing to help me and repeat things/tell me the tone numbers to help me out!!! After class got out, ZYN had to take another final (her second of the day), so somehow I ended up hanging with Matthew and several 语伴s including: Caroline, Outing, Haoxi (aka BBC, a nickname earned because he speaks very very good English but with a British accent), Lili, Chris, Caroline's friend Erin, and possibly others. We took the ecart to a place called mango paradise, where I couldn't read the menu but it didn't matter because everything had names like "Snow White" but with no further explanation of what eating Snow White would entail. So we got Snow White and Mixed Fruit, and ended up with a fruity shaved ice and a fruit in cream deal. Both were pretty good, but I'm still not sure what they were. I had a great time and found out BBC likes Lana Del Rey as much as, if not more than, I do. After, Outing, Caroline and Erin took us home on the bus (which was incredibly kind of them, especially since Outing had an Ancient Chinese final the next day that he needed to study for), and then I went home. I was absolutely exhausted. After dinner, I fell asleep on the bed and could barely wake myself up to shower and brush my teeth. // 周二 (Tuesday): After Mondays bus debacle, my mom drove me to school on Tuesday. In class, we started learning new characters and really getting into the swing of things. We have a dictation every day--the teacher says something and we write it. Tuesday mornings was writing the pinyin for what the teacher said, and since I'm terrible at tones, it didn't go so well. Every other dictation of the week was much better because it was writing characters. Anyways, many of the new words on Tuesday were words I had learned already, and the others we wrote so many times while talking in class that I had memorized them by the time the day was over. After lunch with ZYN and maybe some others (I can't remember, oops), we had an hour of class before it was time to talk with our 语伴. We played a legendary game called 谁是卧底(who's the spy). I would describe it as a mix of Taboo, Mafia and Spyfall, and it's a riot when you're not using your native language. We played this game every day from Tuesday on. My favorite game was the one that lasted the entire hour in which I played the whole game thinking I was the spy only to find out that I was not and had lost. Oops. After school, me, ZYN, Maggie, Reyna, Matthew and another 语伴 went to a "fried yogurt shop" (I'm not sure that's the name). Anyways, they were out of what we meant to get so instead I ordered rose froyo that came in chunks. The most notable part of that experience was that the store, named Ecup, was boob themed. Not subtly so, we're talking nipple pillows and two boos in the logo. One of the signs says you're not supposed to say you've been to ecup, so this blog can be our secret I guess. Then we rode the bus home, I studied a bit for the next days dictation. // A few general things about the week: I still can't really understand my dad but writing this on Sunday night, I have been able to understand a little bit which I consider to be a major accomplishment. Another thing: tensions have been running very high in my family this week because my little sister has to take finals tomorrow and Tuesday. I won't publish conversations or specific events because they have a right to privacy, but this has been different from my American home. For starters, in America, 9/10 year olds don't have to take finals, but this has also been my first time to first hand experience the "tiger mom" (I'm not sure if that's a proper term to use, please let me know if it isn't) approach to parenting, and it's been a bit of a shock. But since my sister has been so busy, I've been staying out of the house a lot after school. Another thing: except for before lunch sometimes because I have a hard time eating breakfast, I'm almost never hungry here...my mom always ensures I am v e r y well fed. Okay, back to the blog. // 周三 (Wednesday): As predicted, this dictation (and every other one this week) went much better than Tuesday: 100%! Yay! More practice with my 语伴 and another harrowing round of Who's the Spy made for a fun day of class. Wednesday's class centered more around grammar from the dialogue and some cultural/historical words, and the language learning accompanied learning about cultural customs, which I liked. For lunch, me, XY, Shayley and our 语伴s took a pass on Canteen 1 and decided to go to a 饺子 (dumplings) store on campus, per alumni recommendation. The store didn't look like much, but the food was delicious. A lot of places are like that here. I watched them make some of the dumplings and then I ate a ridiculous amount. After lunch, we hit up the supermarket and ZYN taught me about different snacks. After normal classes let out, we had a culture class (we will have one every Wednesday). Todays was 书法 (calligraphy) and 国画 (traditional Chinese painting). Because of time constraints, everything felt a bit rushed and I can't say my skills improved, but I still enjoyed both classes. They both had a competition element that I didn't really like (and I voiced that concern later when asked about it), but all in all, still had a good time. Both clases were taught by TAs, 语伴s and maybe others. I don't remember who was the primary teacher for calligraphy, but Haoxi/BBC/Ou Laoshi taught the painting class. Since class let out late and I helped clean afterwards, I decided not to go out after school and instead went home. When I got home, I thought I forgot my keys so I waited outside for my mom to come home for the better part of an hour and got destroyed by mosquitos. I also saw two little dogs without owners, and then had a successful conversation with a local with little to no difficulty when I was expressing concern about the dogs (at the time, I had only seen one, but he told me that the owner lived in a nearby building and the dog always went around by itself... :/ ). After I got inside, I realized I had in fact NOT forgotten my keys. I decided not to tell my host parents that. // 周四 (Thursday): More classes and another successful dictation. Lunch on the second floor (oh boy) of Canteen 1 with BBC and David, which was very entertaining. After food, ZYN took me to the library, which was very nice on the inside. I found some pretty interesting things, including a Hilary Duff All Access book, several books about Extraterrestrial Life, and then on a more serious note, several books on queer theory and sexuality, which I wasn't expecting to find, even if it is a university library. After classes were over, Richa, XY and I went to YoungMix (扬名), a gigantic multistory mall. Highlights from the trip included: 1) riding a completely empty bus from school to the transfer station. I mean empty; we were the only three. Everything you've heard about Chinese buses is true during rush hour on some lines(and I've had the pleasure of experiencing that on Monday morning), so this was very exciting. 2) At the mall, they were having the fashion show of traditional clothing. It was really cool. I took some pictures and then some of the ladies who ran it started talking to me. I mostly used my smile-and-nod-and-pretend-you-understand-strategy, but I eventually realized they they were trying to convince us to spend 1000-2000RMB to get pictures done with the clothes at their company and we were out of there. 3) I had a very very good waffle. 4) there was a bunny mall (recommended to me by ZYN) inside the mall and the cages were not very clean but the bunnies were very cute.5) A family was holding a vigil in the middle of the sidewalk and a crowd had sort of gathered around. They were clearly very distraught and I didn't know what to do as I passed by. 6) I successfully navigated home from an unknown place on an unfamiliar bus line. // 周五(Friday): My mom got rear ended (driving here is insane--people merge with like 2 inches to spare, so I'm not surprised that this happened) so I was ready to take the bus, but then some guy came and drove me to school. It was a very quiet ride because I didn't know what to say and when we did talk I mostly couldn't understand him. Also, my dad told me to sit in the backseat but the back seats here often don't have seatbelts, so that was stressful. I arrived at school in one piece. More classes and another successful dictation. During third period, 车老师 had to go to a meeting so the TAs ran class. They gave us a talk (mostly in English) about Huitong Village (the place we would be visiting Saturday) and interesting places in Zhuhai. Some of my friends were talking a lot and the room is very echoey, plus I was annoyed because we were speaking a lot of English (I feel like I've been speaking far too much English this week), because I couldn't hear because it was loud and because I was exhausted, so I was sort of in an awful mood. Then we practiced calligraphy on the water sheets, and after talking with ZYN I was in a much better mood. Lunch was at canteen 1 (second floor again), with a bunch of people but again at the same table as BBC and David. It was a shortened lunch (the second of the week, the first was on Tuesday to have a debriefing session) in order to have a meeting about the next day's cultural excursion and to receive our stipend. Most of my friends had long ago spent the stipend from the week before. I still had more than half of it left... The second half of classes was fun (oh yeah, Josh and Richa are in class 3 now-yay!), and then we were free for the evening. Me, Garrett, Sydney, XY, Maya, Anthony, Isabel, Katie, Alec, and Reyna went to find a place called Beeplus, which we had learned about during third period. It's a place made entirely of boxcars/storage containers. We had heard it had a lot of fun places inside, ranging from office spaces to restaurants, so we went to check it out. It was hard to find and not what we were expecting, but it was pretty cool. After awkwardly walking in and out of the restaurant, we meandered into an office space to ask about the building and ended up getting a tour guided by a guy named David (who spoke English). He showed us the office spaces, let us onto the roof garden/bar to check it out (even though it was closed to the public at the moment), and told us about the building. Apparently it was constructed in only 2 days and is a collaborative office space for entrepreneurs and startups to operate. For about 100-150 American dollars a month, they get 24 hour office access, including printing, electricity, AC, water, etc. David was very helpful to our group and complimented my Chinese. While the building wasn't what we were expecting, I thought it was cool to get a look into some of the new things that are happening in China's business world. Also there was a slide. After, we explored Tangjiawan (a mini city in the north of Zhuhai). Finds include: a supermarket that looked very small on the outside but ended up being three stories tall, and an alley with lots of little stores that looked to be in bad shape but were okay in the inside. We found a store that taught little kids piano and a pizza shop that some of us ended up eating dinner at. I went home for dinner instead. I wasn't expecting to do anything after, since my sister was still studying, but after dinner my mom took me to a tea house that her friend owned. We had tea with the friends whole family (husband, toddler daughter and elementary school son, and father), and it was very, very good. On the walk back, the streets were very busy with people out to eat. This city feels a lot more alive than my city back in America--there are way more people out and about, which is cool. // 周六 (Saturday): Saturday was wild. First, I arrived at the bus stop with 30 seconds before my bus arrived. Before I realized Alec was on the bus too and went to sit with him, I had an interesting "exchange." I was sitting in the front of the bus facing back, and noticed a guy my age in the back kept looking at me. So I decided to look at him too. Then I smiled and he got very flustered. Alec does not think this actually happened. Anyways, after we got to the university, we met up at the hotel (which I still associate with all the negative feelings I've ever had on this trip...oops) and then got on the bus to Huitong village. I'm very confused about the history of the place (since it was given to us during that third period class on Friday), but I think a rich guy (Mo [Mu?] Huitong, except I don't think Huitong was his real name) helped his friends (?) build this village...? Anyways, it's still standing and there are a lot of very old buildings, including two watchtowers, ancestral halls (one of which we got to see), and this place that was called the Fairy Hall (or maybe Fairy Building, which we didn't get to see) that had a love story associated with it. The ancestral hall was beautiful (and had a lot of interesting architecture that carries more meaning than met the eye), and we visited a cute coffee shop that had cats in it, but the most meaningful experience of the day was when an 80+ year old woman invited a small group of us who were walking around the village to come into her house (or into the courtyard of her house) to sit with her. She was very concerned about us being comfortable and talked to us for a while (luckily, one of the language partners was there and could understand her better than I could). She talked about how her family had lived in the village (and on that very house) for four generations and how she had had multiple strokes and been robbed multiple times. At one point, a group of people came by and stared at us because we were a group of foreigners and asked us (in Chinese?) if we needed a translator...odd. Anyways, Outing found us and then we left and he stayed back to briefly speak with her since they both speak Cantonese. As we walked out, someone assumed i wouldn't be able to speak Chinese and commented about how my hair was ugly, if I heard correctly (I was wearing braided pigtails, which is not common here). Like with all incidents where someone stares/comments, I ignored them and moved on. Then we walked around, saw a snake, XY and Anthony dared each other to eat loganberries off a tree, and then rested for a bit. We found these pretty white and yellow flowers (they 语伴s were calling them eggflowers in Chinese but I have no idea what the English name is), and first Outing and Anthony were ~~stylin~~ with them but then Outing let me have his. On the walk back to the meeting spot, we stopped at a small shop. I had some sort of snack with red bean in the inside, and then we headed back to the university. I went to lunch with several 语伴s/TAs (including BBC, Emily, Lili, and someone whose name I am forgetting right now), Tully, Sydney, Lexi and I. The lunch was at a fancy restaurant and very good, and my hair was again the subject of many patrons' attention. At lunch, BBC commented that I look like Emma Watson (and others agreed), which was very flattering. After, Lexi and I stayed back with the 语伴s/TAs and hung out on campus. We goofed around on a playground and generally had a good time. We also talked to this American guy who has been living in Zhuhai for 10 years and teaching at the University. He gave us some language learning tips. After I got home, my mom taught me how to roll out the wrappers and make dumplings . I had dinner (part of which was spent watching the big show on TV for the 20th anniversary of HK rejoining China) and then I was off to calligraphy class again. My sister didn't come this time, so in the little kid section it was just me and the girl from last week who couldn't understand me and stared the whole time. I spent the whole class trying to perfect the horizontal stroke, and the teacher and little girl were both very patient with me and my lack of calligraphy and Chinese skills. // 周日 (Sunday): Today I got to sleep in until 9, when my sister came in to practice piano before her lesson. During her lesson, I got to practice for the first time in several days (she's been studying so I can't disturb her with piano). Not knowing how to start a conversation with my host dad, I wrote some characters to review from this week, listened to recordings of the song I was practicing and fell asleep again. After I woke up, still not knowing what to talk about, I tried to read Harry Potter in Chinese until my sister came home and we ate lunch. After lunch, I took the bus to the university to meet up with some of the kids from Class 3 and some of our 语伴s and TAs for KTV (although first, ZYN and I played a game of pool). KTV is like karaoke except better: you get a private room and pick whatever songs you want with your friends. We did KTV for about 4 hours (yes, 4), and it cost less than 2 American dollars per person. We sang e v e r y t h i n g. A bunch of American songs, some Chinese songs I knew and some I didn't, some kpop (on Friday during lunch, I showed ZYN BTS and so today she showed me that I could sing their songs at KTV. I picked a few of my favorites but then some of the 语伴s queued up their own kpop favorites...BIGBANG was their popular choice and they were very impressed when I could sing most of Eyes Nose Lips), some Spanish songs and even some Japanese and French ones. The last song we JAMMED to was BIGBANGs Fantastic Baby, which was iconic to say the least. After KTV, I had a late dinner, found out what my dads job is from my sister and had a very brief conversation with him about it (admittedly, the questions I asked were kind of dumb and he thought they were funny), and then just rested. I'm not sure I'll have a voice tomorrow after today's KTV adventure. Tomorrow and the next day, my little sister will take her final exams! Hopefully she will do well and I can do more fun things with my host family in the weeks to come. // Some parting notes: 1) I am squatty potties' number one supporter now. They are great and anyone who disagrees can square up. 2) Alec was commenting about how, even though we are surrounded by people here, it feels lonely. I have to agree--I don't know what it is but there's definitely a sense of isolation that I get here and I'm not sure it's all just because I'm a foreigner. 3) It rained a lot today for the first time. Spicy stuff 4) Funny story: here when something is good/awesome you can just say "Liu" (six) a bunch of times so imagine my confusion when someone commented 666 on my post . 5) Another cultural difference that made things weird is when I didn't know that they wait to open gifts until after the giver has left. Oh well. 6) one of the days this week, I had a really fun time where my whole family watched TV together and my sister and I goofed around. It was a very good time and one of the few times we have a interacted together. My sister and I both did this balance exercise and she also gave me a circus hat and stuffed animal snake to try on, which I donned dramatically while saying "model" 7) Yesterday night I taught my little sister some ballet. 8) I'm sure I forgot a lot of stuff but it's very late and I have to wake up early to catch the bus tomorrow, so this is all for now. ✌️️

[ivegotsomethingtosay]

A Series of Unfortunate Events (opinion piece)

From Page to Screen to Screen... Again...

Normally, this would be the point in the week where I’d post a movie review, but seeing as nothing very interesting came out this weekend, I decided to try something new. Today, I’ll be looking at both the 2004 movie and recent Netflix TV adaptations of Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, and seeing how they each hold up against the books on which they’re based. Sure, there’s about a dozen other articles/video essays that I can think of off the top of my head that deal with the same question of “which is better,” but being that I’m such a big fan of the books, I figured I’d throw my hat into the ring, an expression which here means: “write a big long think piece for my blog that nobody reads because I’m bored at work.”

So anyway, there seemed to be a general sigh of relief when Netflix dropped their long-awaited adaptation of the classic 21st century children’s series, which was seen by many as a sort of apology for the crimes committed by the 2004 Jim Carey version. “UGH,” said the collective millennial public, “FINALLY we get a proper adaptation of these books I haven’t picked up in over a decade!” The whole thing felt eerily similar to the reaction against the Star Wars prequels when The Force Awakens came out almost two years ago (holy shit, it’s been almost two years hasn’t it?) The fact is, no matter which side of either debate you stand on, it’s impossible to deny that we’ve backed ourselves into something of a corner when it comes to judging movies/television on its own merits. Save for the occasional original gem, the vast majority of modern entertainment is comprised of re-workings and re-hashes of material that’s previously existed in some form or another, meaning it’s impossible to analyze said material without at least discussing its fidelity to the original source, and close to impossible to not let that influence how you think about it on its own. No, you CAN’T like Episode I because Jar-Jar isn’t nearly as funny a Chewbacca. No, you CAN’T say Game of Thrones is better than the books because Daario’s hair isn’t blue in the TV series (seriously, this is the shit people argue about now-a-days).

And now, it appears not even A Series of Unfortunate Events is safe, which is really *ahem* unfortunate, considering Dan Handler’s 13-part YA saga might be one of the best things to happen to children’s literature since… ever. No, seriously, go back an pick up one of those books. Dust it off and shower yourself with some of with wittiest, most (literally) devastatingly brilliant writing this side of Oscar Wilde. For those who grew up with the Baudelaire orphans, these books were a watershed. Not only did they accomplish the insurmountable task of actually getting us to read on our own when we were 9-years old, but they taught us all the hard lessons about life, death, and morality that the adults were too scared to mention even amongst themselves.

So yeah, of course we were going to get a movie with a $150 million budget once they were selling in the same leagues as Harry Potter. And yeah, of course we were going to get a Netflix series once streaming gave us the opportunity to do long-form storytelling on a large canvas without spending $150 million. Which one of them is better? Neither, if you ask me, but I’d argue that bashing them in relation to each-other and/or in relation to the books isn’t going to get us anywhere. A “Cinema Sins” video is going to take us nowhere on the journey to analyzing great art, or even appreciating it. And if there’s anything to come out of the zeitgeist in the last couple of decades that could clarify as great art, it’s A Series of Unfortunate Events.

To start, I want to talk about what each of these adaptations do right. I’ll come right off the bat and say that I love both the show and the movie for many different reasons, and that even though the books will always hold the top spot in my mind, they hold that spot for reasons that go beyond some bullshit like whether Klaus wears glasses or not.

The show, for one, covers a lot of ground. I really despise judging an adaptation on how much they cut out of the source material (more on that later), but there’s something to admire about how closely Netflix’s A Series of Unfortunate Events sticks to the books. Four novels in and it seems like everything on the page has ended up on screen and then some. Adapting for long form television has given the showrunners (one of whom is Handler himself) to actually expand on the story, something rarely seen even in our Game of Thrones age. The argument of whether or not the show “gets the books right” is rendered almost completely irrelevant because it IS the books, just with Neil Patrick Harris. We get to witness all the stuff we’ve been picturing in our mind for years, we get to see the Lucky Smells Lumber Mill come to life, we get to experience going to the movies with Uncle Monty. I think a lot of the reason fans responded so well to the show was because it reflected the books so slavishly, giving us exactly what we asked for by giving us everything we asked for, all at once. It reminded me a lot of the PBS Pride and Prejudice in that it was difficult not to be a fan of the book and not be a fan of the show for no other reason than the show treated the book as a Bible.

The film, on the other hand, is two hours long. Not only that, but it spends those two hours going through the first three novels in the series, something that takes close to six hours in Netflix land. Our automatic instinct is to see this as a fault, but when was the last time you actually watched the movie? Rather, when was the last time you read the first three books? They’re fantastic, sure, but they’re also fantastic books. What enjoys and pleases us sitting with a bulk of paper by a crackling fireplace might not bring us the same joy when sitting in a dark, stuffy room with dozens of other people. One of the big faux pas in all these “which one is better” conversations is a misunderstanding of what different mediums can do and what can be achieved in each. The 2004 film might compress the books, but it illustrates them beautifully. The detail isn’t in how well we get to know each member of Olaf’s troupe, it’s in the little, subtle ways in which they express themselves onscreen. Sure we don’t get to spend hours and hours with Uncle Monty like we would watching the show or reading the books, but with Billy Connolly’s exceptional performance, we feel like we’ve spent hours with him.

The fact is, taken on its own merits, the 2004 Series of Unfortunate Events is a great movie. The aesthetic, the visual storytelling, the writing, and the performances are all so universally fantastic that comparing it to the books feels oddly irrelevant. The word “adaptation” implies some level of interpretation. It implies a level of taking what’s on the page and filtering it through our own personal beliefs and opinions. For all the talk about which one of these versions is “better,” little has been said about the different contexts in which they were made. The general attitude towards the concept of “evil,” which is a big theme in the Series books, was vastly different in 2004 than it is (was?) in 2016. In 2004, the United States had just invaded Iraq. We were still reeling from the single most devastating terrorist attack in human history, and our enemies seemed, at least at the time, very concrete. In the film, there’s a lot more of an emphasis on the idea of “fire” as a weapon. The wreckage of the Baudelaire mansion is shot and treated with the sobriety of a lot of post-911 photography. Jim Carey’s Olaf is significantly more insidious than Neil Patrick Harris’. He gets what we wants through fear mongering and cunning, often fooling nice, reasonably intelligent adults through a series of carefully planned and lethal actions. Much like… you know… a terrorist.  

In the Netflix series, however, the enemy isn’t so much “evil” as it is stupidity. Olaf in the show is treated like a complete idiot who just so happens to get his way because literally everyone else is too stupid to know what’s going on. One could argue that while Olaf is the source of the conflict, the real antagonist of the show is Mr. Poe, who, despite “seeming” to care about the kids, constantly places them in harmful, potentially life threatening situations because he thinks he knows better. There isn’t a set enemy here. The enemy, if you can call it that, is ourselves, our own blindness to the reality of our present situation. If that sounds familiar, it’s because it’s one of the many excuses we gave for electing a fucking James Bond villain into one of the most powerful positions in the world. Donald Trump is an idiot, sure, but he’s an idiot with access to nukes, and *apparently* that’s somehow our fault.

You see what I’m getting at here? Whether intentionally or not, art is always in some way reflecting the world in which its produced, and that’s especially true of Series. One could argue that, simply by consequence of the time it was born into, the Netflix show is closer in tone and aim to what Handler originally intended, but I’m not sure I’d agree with that. Sure, the show is significantly more ironic than the movie, much like the books. It contains much more references to pop culture, classic literature, and the world in which it was written, much like the books. But unlike the books, everything I just said comes off as funny, surreal, and at times even distancing. Watching the Netflix show is like watching an eight-hour long Wes Anderson film. It’s fun, colorful, and WAY more educated than you are, but for those very reasons, its harder to identify with what’s going on up on screen. The books, on the other hand, are deeply involving, deeply dark, and deeply funny. It’s a swirl of contradictions that can really only work properly when you’re reading it off a page. Postmodernism works differently on film than it does in literature. Translating directly from one to the other causes a kind of whiplash that the show suffered from on multiple occasions.

See, this is why I’ll always treasure the books. Specifically the Snicket books, because while I’ve gotten emotionally attached to characters in other stories and novels, Series was able to ignite the imagination in such a specific way, that literally taking it and putting it up on screen automatically lessens the effect. When I was ten, I had no idea what the Squalors’ endlessly large penthouse in Eratz Elevator actually looked like. I had no clue what it would be like to see Hector’s hot-air home in Vile Village. I have only the vivid, mysterious pictures that were painted in my mind, and nothing Netflix or Nickelodeon can conjure up will ever compare to that.

I envy all the kids who are going to grow up watching the Netflix series. I envy all of them who are going to go back and experience the movie as a result. What I do not envy is missing out on one of the better reading experiences of a lifetime in favor of either of those things, or vice versa. There’s an important lesson to be learned from all this: when we pit up art against itself, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to appreciate it on a deeper level. When we breathe a sigh of relief when we get the adaptation we always wanted, we miss out on the chance to challenge, and possibly refine our own points of view. Sometimes, we loose sight of what makes these things so lovable in the first place, and that’s unfortunate.

[juliansmaproject]

NEXT PROJECT PORTFOLIO

A career in film has always felt like the right thing to do. I have been very fortunate to have parents that have offered their all out full support in order for me to accomplish this dream as well. I wish I had few bucks for every look of doubt I’ve received after telling someone I’m studying film. I’ve been hit with a “What do you do with a degree that?” So many times, my answers feel rehearsed, blunt, and savage. Those people tend to not ask me the same question again. But, I need to back up my confidence with proof, and reason to be confident about my future and stability as a filmmaker. Not only do I owe it to myself, but to my parents and family who have set a high bar, and their legacy is one I want to add to greatly in my own life successes. So my film Leo had high personal stakes for me, beyond just a good grade or accomplishing something for the school, but this is our careers man! One thing I was not going to do was waste my time in school by leaving Leeds with nothing I can be proud to showcase. My opportunity to do Leo, was everything I to came Leeds for, and we did it, and I will do everything in my power along with my collaborators to get this movie seen in as many places as we can, because our careers and future count on it!

This begs the question. What’s next? The obvious as stated above is to push the film. We’re pretty much complete with the post production project. We have an assessment screening shortly, and we’ve been working our tails off to get the film completed in time. Color and Sound were a bit rushed, so I’m predicting we might have to get back into the lab and the mixing booth, after seeing and hearing the film on the big screen and tighten up all the loose pieces, but I couldn’t be happier with our results. We’re producing an EPK and figuring out all the other materials necessary to increase the outreach and professionalism of our production. The work with the school may be complete, but we’ll be working on this film for the next two years on the festival circuit. I am excited! UPDATE: Just saw the film on the big screen! Man, that was fun. It played really well, and people seemed to enjoy it. I’m happy! Can’t wait to get back to work with Luis and our other colleagues this week to knock it out for good. So we can shift our focus to marketing and film festivals!

Still, what’s next though?

I don’t know. I want to a handful of things, and I have my hands in multiple pots. From film to music to stage production. Film, of course is my priority, but I call stage my back up, not the most solid back up, but I love it just as well. Acting comes a close third, and then rapping, but that’s a stretch!

For the past year I have been working on a stage musical called Hamlet, Damn It, with a good friend of mine Josh Horton from New Mexico. It is a rap musical based on, Hamlet respectively. We’re still working on all the music for the hour long show, but it’s all written and we’ve been asked by a theatre to produce it for a week long run this summer. Hopefully if the cards fall right, we can do so. The opportunity to have something you wrote produced by a legit production house is a rare chance, especially for a first time writer. I made a promo flick just to see how one of our songs sounded on record. Here it is below. 

What else is next though?

One of my new years resolutions was to finish two feature scripts by the years end. I have three features and a web series cooking in the pot currently, with one feature due to have a first draft complete next week. That’s exciting. I try to use my free time wisely and productively and do my best to produce constantly. Here’s a quick pitch of the features.

Belizean Fury: “Rex Fury is a washed up child star attempting to restart his career with a darker sequel to the action films that made him famous. After being framed for a crime whilst filming, and befriending rainforest conservationist Rex uncovers a life threatening plot that pits him and his new friends against the film production he’s starring in.”

Yeah, that sounds ridiculous I know. It’s an action comedy and it is very fun to write. I came up with the idea whilst traveling through Belize and it’s been a running a joke with my mates and I sense. But, I plan on making this joke into something real, produceable, and quality. It’s on my list to write soon, and hopefully I’ll be inspired to do it soon, but my current priorities lie elsewhere.

La Llorona. This is a film a based on a famous Latin American urban legend about a woman who haunts rivers searching for her lost children. Living in New Mexico we would hear about this story often and even when I spent time in Guatemala the same story was there. There are tons of people who claim to have contacted La Llorona and very famous author in New Mexico who will tell you about his experiences as a child coming across the spirit. So this is a very real story to some people. Many stories have been told about La Llorona and there have been a few films made, including one very low budget feature being produced now in my city back home. However, I think I have a strong script and idea, plus horror is such a niche genre and always in demand. I came of with the story with a friend of mine back in New Mexico in 2015, and we wrote five pages worth. They’re still the best five pages I’ve ever written. Now it’s on me to write the other 85 pages. This is one of the screenplays I hope to finish before the years end.

Barna. This is the writing project that has my current focus. I’ll have the first draft complete in a week. It’s my favorite so far. It is inspired by two friends and I when we visited my schoolmate Pilar in Barcelona, after spending a week in Cannes. The trip was crazy, and incredibly memorable. Much more memorable then Cannes to be honest. Spending time and connecting with some of your best friends in a beautiful places like Barcelona was something else. I did my best to take in all the beautiful moments we shared as a group, the conversations, the connection, and emulate that in script format. It’s been a fun process. I think the reason I have written so many pages is because it’s a dialogue heavy screenplay, and dialogue can fill up a lot of space. I’ve sent pages out to folks, and people seem to dig it, but we’ll see how it all comes together. Sooner than later, at the pace I’m writing at.

Julian’s Blue. This is a web series I’ve been writing. I’ve produced a few episodes as well that have been well received on my Facebook site. It was first inspired when I tried to ask a girl out here in England and I realized there is a whole dating culture here in the UK/Europe that is not the same as the dating culture I’m used to. The courting rituals, per se, for lack of better term. So this led to me creating this idea which was basically me trying and failing to ask girls out here in the UK. It evolved into a more introspective project about a rapper, who is struggling to find happiness with his own career as he returns home and deals with the pros and cons being a small town celebrity and facing his own past. The evolution led to totally separate versions, but hopefully I can fuse the best of both worlds. I have like four episodes written. Here are some links to two iterations I’ve created on the concept. 

The Leeds version is above.

The New Mexico version is below. 

Next to the films and ideas I have. I am really interested in performance poetry. My poetry is more like my hobby, but people seem to enjoy the videos. I’ve been hired to perform in Kent next month, that is something I didn’t expect to happen. My first real professional poetry gig. A lot of my colleagues have collaborated with me on my poems as well. I would like to find a way to combine poetic language and my films. I did a creative practice film my first year called What Else. and that was all done in rhyme. So hopefully in the future I can merge poetry and filmmaking together within my narrative productions. UPDATE: Just yesterday I won a poetry slam and I’ll representing Leeds in a multi city slam! Ahhh! I’m excited, I didn’t think I was good enough to win slams. Whoa! 

Luis shot the one below. He’s the man!

Here’s the one the that kicked off my love for the videos. Produced by my bro Antony Metaxakis, the best sound dude in Leeds. 

I am now apart of the MFA program here at the Northern Film School, but have yet to know what I need to do in order to complete this degree, but I plan to do something as productive as possible that will help enhance my portfolio and the possibility of becoming the best that I can be at the end of my experience here in Leeds.

I did just apply for a real job though. In New York. And I’ll continue searching for employment opportunities. I’m not particularly keen on returning to the states, so between now and July I’ll be searching for jobs. My goal for September is to be financially independent. I am confident that I can accomplish this goal in due time.

Ideally I would like to direct music videos and commercials right now. I’ll be exploring these possibilities as much as I can.

So what’s next exactly? I don’t know. But, I am determined to accomplish the goals I’ve set out to do. I am not one that likes to talk the talk without walking the walk, and I talk a lot. I gotta back myself up. So I can talk more. I look forward to the future and my future collaborations with my friends and colleagues.

[charllieeldridge]

Looking Back on 2019: A Year Of Highs and Lows

And just like that, 2019 is a wrap. It seems like every time I sit down to write these reflections posts, I can’t believe just how fast the year went. As I’m writing this article, I have my furry friend (Spare Dog) at my feet, my furry Nick next to me (he needs to shave!), and I’m looking out to the sea and mountains beyond. 

This past year was filled with adventurous travel to new and repeat countries, highs and lows on the business and personal front, love and laughter on the relationship side and lots of fun here in Grenada. So much has happened, that I had to consult my iPhone photostream to remember all of the amazing things we got up to!

Images of mountains, colonial towns, ancient sites, and tropical islands dominate the feed. It’s been a pretty great year. Every 12 months has a feeling, a vibe, or some sort of big event that stands out. For 2019, I’m dubbing it “A Year of Highs and Lows”. And you’ll see why after reading — the year was amazing, and then seemed to plummet at the end. 

Here’s a recap of the year, and what we have planned moving forward into 2020.

Travelling around the Galapagos was a highlight of our year!

I’ve been doing these roundup posts for quite a few years! Here are the ones from previous years if you’re interested:

2012: A Very Memorable Year

2013: A Year of Firsts

2014: Started and Ended With Mexico

2015: A Year of Spontaneity

2016: A Year of Big Decisions

2017: A Roller Coaster Year

2018: A Year of Achievements

Celebrating our 12 year anniversary!

Achieving Goals Set For 2019

At the end of each yearly roundup article, we set some goals that we want to achieve in the coming new year. This is what we wanted to achieve in 2019:

Being more active (going hiking more and joining yoga again).

Exploring more of Grenada

Continue to create and provide useful information on our website

Help out (volunteer work, donations, environmental causes)

I’m happy to report that we accomplished those goals!

Being More Active

This year, we got back into “hashing” here in Grenada, and while we didn’t join the hikes every weekend, we did do quite a few. I’ve also joined yoga and attend classes two times a week, most weeks. And, we now do much more walking then we used to, plus some at-home workouts as well.

Nick and I both did a couple of detoxes this year, one with natural pills, and one simply with smoothies and fasting. We actually just finished up a two-week booze detox and smoothie diet which is what we previously did when we were feeling a little heavy.

We thought it was a good idea to slim down and dry out before the holiday season! Nick lost 10 pounds, and I lost 8. In case you missed last year’s post: “We Got Fat – Dealing With Blogger Bod“.

When we’re living somewhere, we find it hard to be active. When we’re travelling, it’s much easier as we’re always out walking around new cities, hiking to new sites, or just wandering aimlessly. Since we’re not getting any younger, we’re putting health and wellness at the forefront of our goals.

Hiking is our favourite way to stay active

Exploring More of Grenada

Even though we’ve spent 5 years in Grenada (on and off), it always amazes me that there are still new places to discover. This year we explored a couple of new hikes and walking trails, offtrack beaches and some great new restaurants that have popped up.  

On top of just finding new places to walk and eat, we found ourselves attending numerous events — wine festival, Carnival, music festival, and chocolate festival. Plus, we explored the sea by sailboat on numerous occasions, did some deep-sea fishing, and Nick checked out the underwater world on scuba. 

We also celebrated 3 birthdays with staycations here on the island. One on a cacao farm, in a treehouse cabin, surrounded by nature. Our four-legged friend also joined in on that bday weekend! My 35th birthday was celebrated with live music, beach bar drinks, and lazy pool days at one of the hotels here, plus a private sunset sail. Nick’s 35th was recently spent enjoying a dinner party, followed by a night at a boutique seafront hotel in a cute bungalow. 

Yep, I’d say we did Grenada justice this year.

Sailing into 35!

Continuing to Provide Useful Content on Our Website

As with every year, we are always creating new articles, videos and posts on our social media channels to hopefully inspire and assist others when it comes to making money on the road, and travelling the world.

In 2019, we published 157 articles on Goats On The Road, filmed and edited 20 YouTube videos and posted on social media 237 times!

This year, we also kicked it up a notch and created a digital course to help bloggers progress from hobby bloggers to a profitable business. And by we, I mean Nick. 

Nick planned, filmed, and created the SEO Made Simple online course — spending hours to ensure it was detailed, professional and most importantly, actionable. Each of the 300 students who have purchased the course are also in Nick’s VIP Facebook group where he shares his wisdom and advanced methods for SEO. It’s been very rewarding for both of us to see the students’ progression!

Because Nick created that course, we were invited to be a part of the Paradise Pack in 2019. For the past 3 years, we have promoted the pack (because it’s filled with awesome products), but this year we were invited to have our course in the bundle of online resources.

We were ecstatic!

Chatting with Travis and Jason from the Paradise Pack was a lot of fun

We did an hour-long live chat online with the creators of the pack (Travis and Jason), with over 3,000 people watching at a time! We then did an hour+ podcast with Jason, where we spoke about our lives as digital nomads and travellers. Chatting with online colleagues is always a lot of fun, and we love this style of interview.

Special!

If you’re interested in learning some of our SEO secrets, but aren’t sure if you want to purchase the SEO Made Simple course, we’re offering a free 1-hour session, here.

Helping Out

Finally, our last goal for 2019 was to help out more. In 2018, we were able to do quite a few things in Grenada, but this year we wanted to do more, both at home and away — there’s always more that can be done.

As with last year, we sponsored an eight-year-old girl from the orphanage so that she could attend a four-week summer camp here on the island. Her weeks were filled with arts and crafts, history and culture, sports and activities, plus a couple of outings to the beach to learn about marine life and the environment. I hope that this summer camp continues for these children as it’s a great initiative.

We also assisted an artist in his “Beautify Grenada” project where he sources out blank walls around the island and looks to brighten up the community by painting unique images on them. “Our” wall that was painted is one that we drive by every day. It’s is in front of a preschool and is now home to colourful turtles, balloons, trees, children, and of course, goats! I hope this talented artist continues his pursuit of beautifying the island. 

Plastic is a problem worldwide. Our eco-blogging, travelling friends from The Dharma Trails put together a “Green Up Grenada” project to bring awareness to the plastic issues and to clean up the beaches (and underwater).

Nick heading out on a dive to cleanup the underwater world

We participated in the clean up of La Sagesse Beach (323 pounds of garbage was collected), and the scuba diving clean up at Grand Anse Beach where 150 pounds of garbage was pulled from the sea. This was a great campaign and hopefully it raised more awareness about the unnecessary use of plastic here on the island.  

Utilizing Our Home as a “Base”

A month after ringing in the New Year in Grenada, it was time for us to pack away the household items we had accumulated over the past year, load up our backpacks and hit the road. Every February, the owners of the house we rent return to spend 5 or so weeks here. This means we have to vacate — which is OK as we go travelling again!

We had been pretty much stagnant for most of 2018, and not really utilizing our home as a base, which was the whole point of settling here — we planned to stay, and then travel, and repeat. Instead, we felt a pull (is it actually called a “pull” if we don’t go anywhere?!) to stay put.

This year, we were ready to properly make use of our base. Live, travel, repeat. It was time to get back out into the world. And, we actually ended up doing quite a bit of travelling this year — 5 months to be exact. 

Eating bbq chicken in the sea with Spare Dog, after hiking – a great day!

Travelling for almost half of the year and staying still for the rest seems to be the perfect balance for us. It allows us to have exciting adventures, sample new foods, and learn about new cultures, but also gives us enough downtime to rest, work and catch up with friends. 

I don’t want to jinx it, but after travelling for 10 years, and blogging for 7 of those years, could it be possible that we’ve finally found a work-life balance that suits our lifestyle?! 

Having explored Argentina, Uruguay, Chile, and Colombia in 2017, we knew we loved the continent of South America. So, when considering where to go in February, we took a look at the map and decided on Ecuador and Peru for our next adventure…and what an adventure it was.

We were offline for this entire trip and had a great time backpacking around these two countries. You can read about our thoughts and highlights of this trip in our roundup article here.

The hiking around Otavalo was amazing!

Read Our Ecuador Articles Here:

12 Things To Do in Quito, Ecuador

Mindo: the Complete Travel Guide

Otavalo: The Ultimate Guide for Travellers

Hiking the Quilotoa Loop: A How-to Guide

Galapagos Islands Travel: A Guide To Travelling Independently

Press Trip Partnerships

Going on press trips/FAM trips isn’t our main blogging income model, but when we’re invited somewhere that resonates with our travel style and interests, we happily accept the offer.

This year, we were invited on 6 press trips and had an incredible time exploring new destinations — all of which were a great fit. Sure, we had been to these countries in the past, but the provinces, cities, and islands that we visited were new to us.

Nova Scotia

Even though we’re Canadian, we’ve seen very little of our home country. So when the Nova Scotia tourism board invited us to experience what the little province has to offer, we jumped at the opportunity to see the east!

Jagged coastline, hiking routes, fishing villages, fresh seafood and welcoming locals — this is Nova Scotia. We picked up our rental car and had an incredible time road tripping around the province for 3 weeks, while experiencing all the fun things to do in Halifax, and beyond.

With so many places to visit and adventures to have, we would definitely return and explore more of the culture, cuisine and nature. 

Read more about our experience in Nova Scotia on the blog, here.

Beautiful nature in Nova Scotia on Cape Breton Island

Indonesia

This island nation is one of the countries we visited on our first backpacking trip in 2009. We then returned to live in Canggu, Bali for a couple of months, and Nick went on a scuba diving trip with the Indonesia Tourism Board.

This time around, we were invited by Lotus Hotels, to experience their dive resorts and share our findings with you. 

We travelled to 4 different destinations over the course of 15 days — Gangga Island in North Sulawesi, Birie Island in Raja Ampat, Candidasa on Bali Island and the island of Gili Trawangan. Even though we were on a trip that was planned for us, visiting these destinations (some of which are quite offtrack) was an incredible experience. 

Sunsets on Gangga Island were amazing

The majority of the trip was centred around the epic scuba diving and snorkelling that Indonesia is known for, which was perfect for Nick! The accommodations were lush, the natural beauty was out of this world (especially in Raja Ampat!), and we enjoyed visiting villages, dining on fabulous food and interacting with the welcoming residents of each island. 

The beauty above and below the sea, the friendly people, the tasty cuisine and the overall vibe are the reasons we find ourselves returning to Indonesia. There’s just something magical about this country, and we’re always happy to come back. 

Drone’s eye view of the FAM islands in Raja Ampat

In between Indonesia and Japan, we hopped over to the Philippines for our friend’s wedding. We enjoyed some downtime with friends, a lovely wedding ceremony, and some exploration of Siquijor Island by scooter!

Japan

Just a few days after being invited to Indonesia, we received an offer to travel to Japan and check out some of the more offtrack prefectures (which are similar to provinces/states). In 2017 we visited Tokyo, Takayama and Kyoto and enjoyed the culture shock, cuisine and people of Japan. 

This time around, we were going to experience more of the natural beauty, plus an offtrack city and learn about the culture of soaking in a sento (public bath).

Four different tourism boards and associations invited us to visit their destinations, which were all places we hadn’t been to yet — Akita and Aomori in the Tohoku Region, Okayama City, Nakatsugawa City and the Tokyo Sento Association.

Hiking the Nakasendo Trail in Nakatsugawa, Japan

We lined it up so we could visit all destinations during just one trip to Japan. There were a couple of free days during our 16-day trip, including some time in Tokyo to hang out with our friend Jason from the UK who we met while backpacking around Central Asia in 2013!

This time around, we felt as though we learned much more about the intricate culture, and were able to dig a little deeper into the history, customs and cuisine. There’s much more of Japan to see and we can’t wait to return. 

The Ups vs. The Downs

We arrived home on a high. We had just enjoyed an incredible couple of months travelling around Asia, we reconnected with some great friends on the road and our website was doing well in terms of partnerships, traffic to the site, and income.

We caught up with our friends (including Spare dog) when we got home, reflected on the trip and the year as a whole and were excited about the holiday season. More importantly, once we had finished our deliverables for the Indonesia and Japan campaigns, we had lots of plans for how we were going to improve our business — we were excited!

But, between the time we arrived back in Grenada from Asia (November 9th), to when this article was published (just over a month later) it feels like all of our amazing accomplishments, adventures and “ups” from the year have been snuffed out. 

A beautiful sunset from our house

Goats On The Road was one of many websites that took a huge hit during the November Google algorithm update. What does that mean exactly? Well, Google changed the way it shows content to those who are searching.

So let’s say for example you were searching for “things to do in Thailand”, rather than having us show up as #1 or #2 because we’re a well-respected travel blog with long, informative content, we have now dropped down and you are being shown more “authoritative” sites (ie: big companies).

Why did this happen? We don’t know. Which is incredibly frustrating.

Our traffic has dropped and we’re scrambling trying to figure it out. Traffic affects our income and partnerships, and how many people will see our message, which is why it’s such a big deal. One thing is for sure, we will continue to create useful and informative articles for you and hopefully, Google will be happy with us once again!

This update pretty much affected sites across the board in the recipe and travel industries and while we still have a lot of traffic, it’s difficult to see it go down overnight and knowing there’s nothing we can do to fix it.

However, business and money are trivial in comparison to what happened 4 days ago.

From the time I was basically finished writing this article, to the time it was published, our friend Spare Dog passed away. This has been incredibly hard on us as even though we were his petsitters, we thought of him as our own, and spent so much time together.

Spare Dog will be loved and missed

Spare was the reason we came to Grenada in the first place back in 2014 and was the reason we kept on returning. He was the first (and only) dog I ever loved — no others will compare. This year has ended with sadness for us, but we’re trying to focus on the fantastic life he led, and all the adventures he enjoyed — he explored more of Grenada than anyone we know!

This little furry character made an impact on everyone he met and thought of himself as human, rather than animal. From waterfalls and private islands to offtrack trails and brewpubs, Spare went everywhere and everyone knew him. 

Nick and I are grateful for the last 10 days we had together with Spare at our home, and that his parents returned from the UK in time to say goodbye to their sweet boy. We’ll miss Spare (Doodle) Dog dearly and Grenada won’t be the same without him.

haha, this photo is my favourite! Excited for an adventure, Spare?!

Moving Forward into 2020

I’ve been speaking with blogging colleagues and travel friends who all have their 2020 calendars filled with plans. Currently, for us, there are no plans — which I think is great! No work commitments planned, no flights booked, and nowhere we have to be. 

We’re thinking of 2020 as a blank slate. It’s a fresh, pure year waiting for us to colour in the time slots as, and when, we want. 

For me, 2020 means “vision” and “clarity”. And while everything looks a little bit blurry at the moment due to the stress of the past weeks, once we move into the new year I’m certain some definition will start to appear. 

I have a feeling there are some epic changes on the horizon and we’re excited to see where we go, and what we end up doing!

Wishing you an amazing year ahead! (photo taken during Nick’s birthday surprise)

Since this is a travel and lifestyle blog, we’ve always been honest and upfront with you, with the hopes that you’ll appreciate the real people behind the words. Rather than being just a generic travel website, we think personality and personability are an important part of sharing and connecting with our readers. 

As we head into 2020, Nick and I want to sincerely thank you for following our journey this past year, and we’re looking forward to sharing our upcoming adventures (whatever those may be!) with you in the new year.

We hope to inspire you to travel to some new destinations and maybe even find work doing what you love while on the road. We’d love to hear from you as well, so please comment down below, or send us a private email. 

Wishing you health, joy, and love in the coming year. 

Dariece & Nick (the Goats)

The post Looking Back on 2019: A Year Of Highs and Lows appeared first on Goats On The Road.

Looking Back on 2019: A Year Of Highs and Lows published first on https://travelaspire.weebly.com/

[aroundtheworldin18years]

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Hello and welcome to our Budget Travel Tips blog.  Do you often spend your days dreaming of distant lands or wondering how you’re going to save for that next big adventure?  I know we do!  In this Budget Travel Tips blog we hope that you will find all you need to help you get the best savings for your next holiday.  Whether that’s a European city break or a family holiday, these tips will help you bag that ultimate bargain vacation or staycation.

Remember to leave your own ‘ultimate budget travel tips’ in the comments and we’ll add these to our ‘Readers Top Tips’ blog…coming shortly.

1. BOOK EARLY

Good things come to those who book early and for us booking early is vitally important.  When you have children you are past the ‘last minute-allocation on arrival’ bargain holiday.  If, like us, you’ve done your research and know exactly where they want to go, get it booked!  By booking early you often get the pick of the hotels before the rest of the country has even opened a travel brochure!  Being on the ball is extremely important when it comes to booking flights for D-I-Y holidays.  Budget airlines like EasyJet and Ryanair usually offer the best price when flights are first released.  Mummy and Daddy often sit up until the early hours of the morning in anticipation of flights being released.  Probably  If you plan on booking a popular destination or are needing flights during school holidays, flight and accommodation searching in the early hours has it’s advantages

The early bird catches the worm

In 2016 we decided that we wanted to spend Christmas in Lapland and so spent weeks stalking Skyscanner and Norwegian Air for the release of flights.  It’s safe to say that that we were one of the first to book flights from Dublin to Helsinki with Norwegian Air.  Although, when we booked the outbound flight the return flights hadn’t yet been released, it was a chance we were willing to take to grab that flight bargain…definitely not a plan for the faint hearted!

2. BOOK LATE

Book early, book late…are you confused?  Ok, so point 2 is a little contradictory to point 1, but…sometimes it really does pay to wait.  If you’re not afraid to wait until the absolute last minute, and you are happy to be allocated your hotel upon arrival, then booking with just a few days until departure can offer great cost saving advantages.  There are literally thousands of companies who offer ‘last minute deals’ and you can pick up a real bargain, often costing less than a third for the same holiday as someone who booked months in advance.  Be careful though…do your research first to ensure that the ‘1p all-inclusive holiday’ isn’t a scam…and always remember, if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

Better booking late than never

3. SCHOOL HOLIDAYS

This topic is highly controversial and we all have different views, but for us, we have no concerns taking our children out of school early.

Summer holidays are approaching and travel companies hike up their prices.  Do you a) take your children out of school just a few days early to ensure you grab a holiday bargain, or b) pay the full hiked price in order to maintain a 100% school attendance record and avoid a fine?

Taking children out of school during term time for a holiday will always raise eyebrows, but by doing so, you can literally save hundreds, and quite often, depending on the holiday destination; thousands of pounds.   We are of the opinion that when we travel our girls learn so much more than in those 2 or 3 days that they missed in the classroom.  To be frank, the last few days before the summer break is usually spent playing games in class and having fun, no work is done and everyone, including the teachers, is winding down.

I told a chemistry joke, got no reaction

Over the years we have met so many people on holiday who have since  become good friends, so our girls gain travel experience and witness first hand different languages and cultures; and in years to come will be able travel on their own with confidence and knowledge.

If greedy holiday companies didn’t hike up the prices during the school holidays, parents wouldn’t have to take their children out of school before term ends, ‘supply and demand’ has a lot to answer for!  So… YES, we think taking them out of school early every now and then doesn’t do their education any harm, quite the opposite, it enhances their learning.  Not all classrooms have 4 walls!

Not all classrooms have four walls

There are also other ways of saving money regarding school holidays.  Note when other parts of the country have their school holidays.  We live in Northern Ireland where children finish school at the end of June, so for us, we find flying via England, before the English schools break up, gives us decent savings.

tip: don’t have your main holiday during the peak summer period, instead, think about making the most of Halloween, Easter and May holidays.

4. D-I-Y vs PACKAGE

This is where we think you will save the most monetary wise, but not always.  We have learned that if you like a certain holiday company’s’ exclusive properties, then D-I-Y is not an option, plus it doesn’t always work out cheaper.  It’s always important to do your research but for us D-I-Y is the only way to go, very rarely do we book package holidays.  Over the last few years we have saved thousands on our previous holidays, with our biggest savings coming on our D-I-Y holiday to the Santa Claus Holiday Village in Rovaniemi, Lapland…and we got to see the real Santa Claus.

CLICK IMAGE TO READ OUR BLOG

More recently, March 2018 to be exact, we booked a D-I-Y ski trip to Alpe Cermis, Cavalese and once again, our outgoings were considerably lower than if we had booked with a travel agent.  Don’t always opt for the obvious and book the large popular resorts, by stepping out of your comfort ‘package holiday’ zone, you can save serious amounts of cash!  Familiarise yourself with popular sites like Skyscanner and Booking.com, both offer discounted flights, accommodation and car hire, these sites can be your best friend for holiday savings.   Since our children, now aged 9 and 4, came along, we have never booked a package holiday.  Whilst going D-I-Y isn’t for everyone, and fills some with dread, for us, it’s the best way to get a great holiday destination at a fraction of a package holiday price.

And the WINNER is….

5. WAYS TO SAVE BEFORE YOU GO

Don’t just save on booking your holiday, think of ways to save throughout the year!  We could write a whole blog post about this but we are Travel Bloggers so we will leave it up to the experts at MoneySavingExpert to give you ideas.  There are lots of ways to save a few pounds (or even a few hundred pounds) that can go towards those all-important holidays.  Check that you are getting the best deals for all of your utilities, insurances, TV packages and mobile phone contracts.

Money Saving Expert – Cutting Your Costs – Fighting Your Corner

The biggest money drainer, in our opinion, is food.  Not for everyone but we love the tip of picking up reduced items at the end of the day’s trading, you can save hundreds of pounds per month depending on how big your normal weekly shop is.  Shhhhh….did you know that M&S knock 75% off certain products 2 hours before end of day trading!  Reducing your weekly shop by £50 equates to a saving pot of £2500 in a single year, that’s potentially two D-I-Y holidays or one package holiday paid for!

Food savings = bigger holiday pot

Think before you spend, ask yourself ‘do I want this or do I need this’ before you part with your money.  It’s very easy to waste £20 buying unnecessary and non-essential items, but if you tuck that money away, that’s another £1,040 in the holiday pot.

tip: a  family trip to supermarket always costs us more when we take the girls, they shove absolutely everything into the trolley, including magazines, toys and junk food, So now, we leave them at home with Nana and Granda, or Daddy takes them to the library whilst Mummy shops.

6. BE ON THE LOOK OUT

Always keep an eye out for bargains!  An airline flight sale, a deal in a local travel agents window or a top deal on Groupon…savings can be had!  A great way of hearing about upcoming deals is to sign up to Newsletters.  On a daily basis our inbox is full of travel emails from companies such as Easyjet, Disneyland and GodSavethePoints; ensuring that if there is a money saving deal to be had we are going to be one of the first to hear about it.  Groupon is another great site; download the app on your smartphone a few months before your holiday and check out the deals for your holiday destination.

I spy with my little eye…a holiday bargain

Another app you should download is Tastecard, the app gives you 2 for 1 dining offers, as well as cinema discounts.  We joined this ‘subscription service’ just a few days before we visited London for a family wedding, the first 60 days costs just £1.00, after the 60 days the annual cost is just £74.99…an absolute bargain.  Should you decide that you don’t want the subscription, remember to cancel before the £1.00 60 day period ends.

One of our favourite cost saving tips is to keep an eye out in national newspapers for bargain breaks.  Collect tokens, redeem, save hundreds of pounds…it really couldn’t be any simpler.  Summer 2018 and a fortnight in Italy cost us a mere £320 (accommodation only) by using the ‘collect and redeem’ method.  The vouchers were collected from a very popular UK tabloid and we saved a phenomenal £1900 on the Eurocamp’s brochure price.

Super money saver holiday to Park Albatros, Tuscany

7. CREATE MEMORIES DON’T COLLECT POSSESSIONS

Just last year, we made the conscious decision to stop buying our girls a ton of presents (birthdays and Christmas) that, in the most part, are played with for a few weeks and then tossed to one side, never mind the fact that our house already looks like a toy superstore.  As a family we believe it’s far more important to create memories than to collect useless possessions.  Christmas 2017, and a first for us, Santa’s toys didn’t take up the whole living room, and we honestly think the girls enjoyed and appreciated their presents even more.  By the end of January 2018, we had our three main 2018 holidays booked and paid for.

Travel far and make memories

As for Mummy, for birthdays and Christmas, rather than getting flowers, chocolates, jewellery etc, she would rather use the money for a weekend break or spa weekend (discounted, normally a Groupon deal or hotel special offer).

8. HOUSE SWAP

We haven’t done this yet but we do speak about it quite often!  Daddy just isn’t up for ‘House Swap’ at all, he’s not that fussed when he has to sleep in hotel beds, or AirBnB beds; never mind someone sleeping in his luxurious super king size bed!  Plus he thinks it’d be our luck to get a weirdo underwear sniffer (his words).  Personally I (Mummy) just see it as another opportunity to save money whilst seeing as much of the world as possible.

Fancy swapping a bungalow for a lighthouse

We have come very close to ‘house swapping’ though, well…what we mean is, Mummy once put her parents newly built bungalow on LoveHomeSwap (they live just 100 metres away from us), and within a day we had an offer of a house swap in Australia!  On this occasion, and for fear of losing our babysitters, we gave it a miss.

If you have never heard of House Swap before, you can swap instantaneously with another family or stay at different times  (i.e. you or they have a 2nd home).  Mummy loves the thought of a House Swap, not only because it’s for free, but for meeting other like-minded families who also enjoying travelling around the globe.  For Daddy, it’s a big no-no!

9. PET SITTING

As pet lovers, we would love nothing more than to bring our fur-baby away with us on our holidays, but due to the distances and destinations, generally it isn’t possible.  Luckily for us, Nana and Granda come to the rescue, babysitters and petsitters, what more could we ask for (they also do school taxi runs,  gardening services and corner shop when we run out of milk).

A little while ago some very smart cookies came up with the perfect answer to pets and holidays, Pet Sitting.  Have someone stay in your home, for free, look after your pets and you go on holidays.  Brilliant idea and so Trusted House Sitters was born.  Now, I (mummy) have not yet managed to convince the powers that be (Daddy) to actually go ahead with a pet sitter, but when I find that perfect property in the Canadian Rockies (Daddy loves Canada) or a luxurious  hideaway in Sri Lanka (on Daddy’s bucket list), I have no doubt that there won’t  be much convincing to do!

Horse, dog, cat, snake…are you sure you fancy pet sitting?

Trusted House Sitters obviously do some form of background check on sitters, so your home and pet should be in safe hands (or paws).  Always remember that you will be looking after fellow travellers most beloved fur babies, so there will no heading out exploring for 12 hours a day.  On the opposite side of the coin, use a free pet-sitter and you’re saving big money on kennels or catteries.

10. GO OFF THE BEATEN TRACK

Explore-Explore-Explore!  Sometimes it pays dividends to venture off the beaten track and avoid where everyone else in the country is going to.  There is an abundance of beautiful countries, cities and resorts that are just waiting to be explored, and more often than not, with a much cheaper price tag than a popular package destination.  As a family we love to explore hidden gems and now purposely choose not to travel to your normal run of the mill destinations.

Chilling on the slopes…literally

Easter 2018 we enjoyed our first ever family ski holiday to a destination practically unknown to British and Irish holidaymakers, and we didn’t pay anywhere near as much as a package ski holiday.  We found cheap flights to Milan, and booked our accommodation through Booking.com.  Our hotel, Aparthotel Des Alpes, was just a short 5 minute drive to the magnificent mountains of Alpe Cermis, Cavalese.  The total cost for our one week ski holiday was £700 (flights, accommodation, car hire), had we booked with a popular tour operator to a well known resort, it would have cost £700 per person, so a saving of £2100…and that is why we prefer D-I-Y to Package.

note: we were the only British-Irish family to have stayed in the Resort the entire season!

11. FACEBOOK GROUPS

I (Mummy) LOVE FACEBOOK, it really can be better than Google sometimes!  There is a Facebook Group for absolutely everything and anything, including Travel and Holidays.  I won’t tell you how many groups I am part of…but it is a lot!  A few of my favourite groups are Family Holidays with Kids, Travelling to Italy, Eurocamp Unofficial Supporters Club and Lapland Holiday Chat.  These groups are where you get to find out the real nitty-gritty warts and all information.  Since everyone is always looking to save money, these Facebook Groups and pages are often full of vital cost saving information.

Facebook groups are your friends

tip: Facebook groups can be useful for al kinds of information, from how to save money when on holidays,  to when to book and how people get the absolute best prices.  I also feel that these groups can get you thinking outside of the usual ‘package holiday’ box.

12. TESCO CLUBCARD POINTS

If you shop at Tesco, use a credit card or have a mobile phone, then you are potentially missing out if you are not collecting your Tesco Clubcard points.  You can even earn points by having your Mortgage with Tesco and by recycling your old ink cartridges.  After building up your Clubcard points you then have the joy of spending them (wisely).

There are a few ways you can increase you points value, for example, you receive 3 x Value with selected Tesco partners.  Tesco Clubcard Travel Partners include Euroshuttle, Affordable Car Hire, Royal Caribbean and a more recent addition is Hotels.com.

Every Little Helps – especially if its value is x3

If you prefer a Staycation to a Vacation, Tesco also have great partners for days out and dining, to name a few there’s Legoland, Whipsnade Zoo, Pizza Express and Café Rouge.  Over the last 5 years we have saved hundreds of pounds by saving our Tesco Clubcard points and utilising them for Irish Ferries, Euroshuttle and Affordable Car Hire.  We have set ourselves a challenge to try and pay for a whole holiday with our Tesco Clubcard points…watch this space!

13. SKYSCANNER

Never ever book a flight without checking Skyscanner first…never!  Rather than searching specific dates, run a search for the whole month, you will be amazed at the price difference between a flight on a Monday compared to a flight on a Tuesday.  And don’t think Skyscanner is just for flights, it isn’t; you can also book accommodation and car hire through their site.

Skyscanner for discounted flights, accommodation and car hire

With Skyscanner you don’t have to put in cities, you can search by country. In the past we have purchased flights to a non-familiar airport and hired a car and literally saved hundreds of pounds, the downside (not for us) is maybe a couple of hours car travel down the motorway.  For our 2018 Summer trip it was much cheaper to fly to Milan Malpensa and hire a car, instead of flying into  the main airport at Milan Bergamo.  It’s just 60 minutes by car from one airport to the other but the pricing was significantly different.

14. BOOKING.COM

Another site that we couldn’t live without when arranging travel on a budget is Booking.com, it is a fantastic site! The site is so user friendly and there are so many filters to help you narrow down the search results.  We love how you can see all the accommodation on a map, perfect if you are looking for somewhere close to a certain area of a city or if you want to be close to the coast.  The filter list appears to be never ending and using them will definitely help you narrow down, and ultimately, find the perfect place to stay.  Use the filters and search, you will be pleasantly surprised.  Booking.com is one of our favourite go-to sites, but the main reason for using this great site is that we can book accommodation and utilise free cancellation, plus many places offer a ‘don’t pay until you arrive policy.

Never book a booking without checking Booking.com first

The ‘free cancellation’ policy allows us to look at several different resorts or even countries at one time whilst checking out  available flights.  It is great to be able to hold the accommodation until we have 100% decided on where we want to go, but please…don’t abuse this.  If you reserve a place and cancel just a few days before your intended visit, the vendor may not be able to lease the property or room with such short notice, thus losing out on money.

EARN A £15 CASH REWARD WITH BOOKING.COM

15. AIRBNB

We have had very different experiences of Airbnb, some good ad one seriously bad.  There’s a horror story of us staying in someone’s home in Dublin where the owner was paralytic and opened the door with his trousers half way down, when we were led to the lounge there was a porn movie on the TV, the fella sat down and not once did he make any effort to lift his trousers or turn the TV over.  On the flip side, there’s the great experience of being regulars with a lovely couple who lease us a room in their home, perfect for when Daddy and Lily-Belle travel to the home games at Anfield!

Almost better than a home from home

We do have an upcoming stay in Lapland in February 2019, booked through AirBnB, so hopefully it will be a good experience!  For those who aren’t AirBnB’ers, you can either stay in someone’s property (usually a room within a home) while they are there or have exclusivity of an entire property.  Most properties are quite standard but there are also some weird, wonderful and whacky properties like canal boats, yurts and lighthouses!  Booking through AirBnB is also great if you are not the average 2×2 family, or when children become teenagers and one hotel room just does not suit anymore!  Always read the reviews before making your booking.

EARN A £25 CREDIT FOR YOUR FIRST STAY WITH AIRBNB

16. EAT IN

When we go on holiday it’s definitely not to spend every evening cooking, never mind the cleaning up that comes with cooking; so in general we eat out every evening and dine in at breakfast and lunch. This one is not possible for all types of holidays, a definite No-No for All Inclusive…why would you spend all that money on an all-inclusive then dine elsewhere?  As regulars with Eurocamps, we have begun to use the in-house facilities and that includes the BBQ.  For breakfast we love nothing more than taking a relaxing stroll to the campsite shop for fresh croissants, cheeses and meats, perfect for rustling up a continental breakfasts.

Al fresco dining

Once we arrive at our Eurocamp destination, we offload the suitcases and bags then head to the local supermarket, normally LIDL as we know exactly what we are getting, Lidl is pretty much everywhere in Europe.  Stock up on the essentials and also the very important ice lollies, another way of saving a few pounds!  Europe can be hot, so we always seek shelter during the harsh midday sun, plus it’s also a chance to get fed and  enjoy some lovely local cuisine.  The decked verandas are great to sit, eat and relax.

Over the years we haven’t utilised the free BBQ that comes with our Eurocamp home, but Italy 2018 we changed that and ate in most evenings.  The smell of meat, fish and vegetables cooking on our neighbours BBQ tempted us to give it a try, and we are so glad we did.  Meats and fish purchased locally, freshly picked vegetables from roadside stalls and we saved lots of money.  It’s fairly safe to say we are converts and from now on, when we are on holiday, most evenings we will fire up the BBQ and dine al fresco..

Fresh produce, from picking to plate

17. TRAVEL WITHOUT THEM

This one is a tad controversial.  Travelling without our girls is generally not an option, after all, we are Family Travel Bloggers.  We could if we wanted to, as we have the wonderful services of Nana and Granda right next door; but we choose not to.

I (Mummy) remember a family get together when a childless couple congratulated another family member on how they lived life so well after having their children. They were not congratulating them on the many adventures they had had with their children, they were congratulating them for all the travelling that they still did on their own!

Now don’t get us wrong, it is nice to have some R&R with no children in tow, a local weekend away, or a very short European City break, but we really couldn’t imagine travelling far without our 2 girls by our side.  Our holidays have changed drastically since the girls came along, we have moved away from 5* all-inclusive luxury in the Maldives to mainly Eurocamp sites.  I (Mummy) still crave for that 5* luxury but, for the price of a 2 week all inclusive holiday in the Maldives, I can have 3 or 4 European holidays with the family.

Photo credit: Komandoo Island Resort

We love holidays, and until the girls are much older, we are happy and content to do cheap and cheerful.  If you don’t mind leaving the nippers at home, you are obviously going to save a small fortune.  For starters there’s the flights, you can save at least 1/3 depending on the age of your children.  Then there’s the room; no need for 2 inter connecting rooms (to give adults and children their own space and privacy), or even a whole villa depending on the size of your brood.  And dare we mention that you get a whole bed all to yourselves without children climbing in!

If you do travel without children, food and drink is potentially where you will blow all of the savings.  Oh, how nice it is to sit and enjoy a meal without having to take child number 1 to the toilet mid way through, or run after child number 2 as he/she heads for the exit.

Our children get bored at the table, and more often than not we have to hand over a mobile phone to keep them amused.   I (Mummy) recall on one occasion having to leave a very nice restaurant after Lily-Belle (she was 3 at the time) went into full meltdown over the peas touching the chips!  Nightmare!  Ok, so you may spend all of the yearly savings, but think of the benefits of leaving the children at home and enjoying yourselves, plus you can have a few drinkypoos without having to worry about getting the youngest in bed for 8pm.

18. TRAVEL LIGHT

Believe or believe not, in our house it’s Daddy that you have to keep an eye on in the ‘travel Light’ department, he is a nightmare for shoes and belts.  Daddy will no doubt say that it’s me who takes everything but the kitchen sink, but I can guarantee you that there is a purpose for everything that is packed.  If you are able to travel light with hand luggage only, do it.  Taking hand luggage will save you money plus it will save you time at your destination.  A little tip that we have learnt over the years is to either buy our toiletries once we arrive at our destination.  Alternatively maximise the 100ml flight allowance so that they last the duration of your trip.

when travelling, less is definitely better

If you do have to check in bags, try to use one large bag for everyone.  Make use of OrgPac Organisers, our new favourite travel accessory from LeanPac.  Around The World In 18 Years is proud to be an ambassador of LeanPac, their adventure products are perfect for the efficient traveller.

Pac light with LeanPac Adventure luggage

Budget carriers sometimes offer a reduced fee for checked in bags provided you purchase this at the time of booking.   Be positive on your decision to either go with Hand or Checked luggage before you hit the BUY button.

Last, but by no means least.  It’s easy to weigh your ‘checked bags’ before leaving home but not so easy when your packing for your return journey.  Pack portable weighing scales, you can pick up a set from Amazon for less than a tenner.  Recently we forget to pack ours!  Although we were within (just) the limit heading outward, coming home the bag was a whopping 4kg over limit!  We ended up doing the dreaded ‘wear 3 layers each’ scenario…never again!

Portable scales that won’t weigh you down

tip: not all luggage scales go up to 25kg (airline baggage allowance is usually between 20kg and 23kg).  We actually use fisherman’s scales, they go right up to 50kg and cost just £5.95 (Amazon).  They often read a few lbs different from the airline scales, but near enough is good enough in our book.

tip tip:  order your toiletries from Boots using the Click & Collect service and pick up your order from their Airside Store (after security) at the airport.

Ok, so it’s over to you.  If you have a ‘budget travel tip’ remember to leave it in the comments and we’ll add these to our ‘Readers Top Tips’ blog.

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All information, currency and prices are correct at the time of publishing. All views, opinions and experiences are that of The Callaghan Posse and are correct at the time of publication. All photos, unless credited below, are taken by The Callaghan Posse for use and distribution by Around The World In 18 Years.

  TOP 18 – BUDGET TRAVEL TIPS Follow my blog with Bloglovin Hello and welcome to our Budget Travel Tips blog.  Do you often spend your days dreaming of distant lands or wondering how you're going to save for that next big adventure? 

[zubelcas-blog]

I have a severe social anxiety, these are the opening words as I struggled to find a better way to word it. Back in August, i spoke to my IB coordinator about my CAS. I remember asking her whether I can still finish it, she said “yes, haven’t you seen the mail I sent you?”. “Of course” - I lied as not to show the fact that I was too stressed to read the content of it. I can also recall a conversation we’ve had in March or so, where she had asked my why is it that I am so often unprepared for school or late with my duties. My answer had her in quite a disbelief, understandably so, as I argued that when I spend time with others in the IB room, as I hear them talk school, I get so stressed out, it actually paralyses me. What’s worse, throughout the years I had developed this retarded, (I’m not afraid to use this word) persona, that has stuck to me in the public eye. Last year I had literally won “the social student of the year award” despite not attending literally 2 parties a year, to many I wasn’t invited, but I wouldn’t have come anyway, and despite not even being there to receive it, as I didn’t want to see anyone. People must have voted ironically, since a part of this persona was to do everything ironically. As stupid as it sounds, it did wonders, because when you set a goal to do everything in reverse, being an anti-social person, suddenly you come across as a life of the party. Furthermore as I was gathering thoughts, with the intent of writing this, I also came to notice, that not a single person whom I had met in high school, has ever been to my place. Not a single classmate that I had for these 3 years, actually knew me, let alone a teacher. What I’m doing now is writing a CAS reflection, hopefully the final one, explaining my trials and tribulations, because that has been a longtime bane of me. I remember the backlash i got from my CAS coordinator for the first couple of reflections that I posted. She called me out as clowning, making a joke of IB, not treating it seriously. But i couldn’t publish it in any other form, it was to be either obnoxiously unserious, or it wasn’t to be at all, and as such to no surprise, I couldn’t push myself to publish any reflections for quite some time, thus creating a vicious cycle, where I don’t publish for fear of being rejected, so I get stressed out that I’m going to fail due to not passing the required amount of hours etc. It took me roughly a year and a half to publish something that the CAS coordinator deemed legitimate, but I felt so exposed for having done that, as I had finally written roughly how I feel (still nowhere close to this one). She often had doubted that I do any physical activities on the basis of me being skinny, it felt awful to be doubted like that, I was doing some lifting in my cellar, but of course there isn’t going to be any muscle, I was borderline anorectic, having weighted 51 KG at 1.73m as a male.

Apart from writing reflections, the other hardship for me was service. Creativity - was able to do music in the confines of my room, Action - as above stated, getting this featherweight isn’t just “not eating”. But service is a whole other beast, it requires you to actually go out to people. But how can you help others when you can’t even help yourself. Back in the first and second grade I participated in WOSP, a nationwide Christmas-time fundraiser for people in need. Over several hours of standing out in the cold, one time I managed to get 116 PLN, where 50 was literally thrown in by my father. I was just unable to reach out to people and ask them for a donation. I just stood there like a blank silhouette. When I heard back in Ib room that some people got upwards of 600, I felt so bad I chose not to write about it, I remember once telling my CAS coordinator that I had done WOSP as service, I told her that I technically did it as 2, since a fiend got sick just before it, so I went out with both my and her can. But because of the aforementioned stupid character that I have created over the years, the coordinator probably didn’t believe me. Can’t blame her, I have quite possibly birthed the least credible persona imaginable. She would often say that I’m a terrible liar. Which was true, but it went further than that, I wouldn’t believe myself, I would say things that were true as if it was a lie, just not let people know how I really felt. At times I’d have conversations with people that at one point had me saying “you don’t know me at all”, only to have the other person roll their eyes saying “sure, I don’t” thinking that I’m so easy to see through. After a while I decided to delete the entire blog with these silly reflections. To kind of start anew. As a part of this I enlisted myself as a helping hand for local allotment houses. I’m going to post a written certificate of me aiding them in a variety of listed ways. It was signed in August shortly after the conversation with my coordinator, but it holds true till this day. The reason why I’m writing this reflection now, is because, for one this Tuesday was the last time that I was able to do anything in these allotment houses this year. And secondly, and crucially, because as I spoke to my IB coordinator on the said day in August, as we said our byes, and I was going down the flight of stairs, she told me “bet you don’t want to be doing this till December”. Firstly I thought to myself “I have time till December?” But then it struck me as actually redeeming if I keep doing it till December. So here I am in December, writing the realest things I ever wrote.

Of the learning outcomes, I have most definitely done each at least once, with others on a regular basis, I perhaps didn’t show enough commitment to and perseverance in CAS experiences, as I haven’t been doing service for first four months of the second grade. I also have shown little of my own initiative. But I still think doing anything is an achievement. Having dug in my drawer looking for old proof of me doing CAS (such as WOSP IDs) I came across an almost 5 year old paper from a clinic (for lack of a better word) which states “an additional study has shown low score of studying motivation, however simultaneously a high level of school stress.” May I add that this is the same paper that having turned it to school, has allowed me to write my finals on a computer. It is pretty legitimate, but I’m not bringing it up to make excuses, but to make a point, a point that I’ve been like this for quite a long time now, and despite not being most consistent and diligent at doing service, doing any service for such a person feels like climbing a mountain. As part of my CAS project I did a charity fair with my classmate Przemek and Szymon. Szymon’s share was that he was the direct connection to the charity that we were aiding, he was doing things on the back end. Przemek did majority of the actual physical setup of the desks etc. My part was to make posters, and to have them all around the school. The reason why I never made any reflection on it, is because I had genuinely thought of it as a done deal, after Przemek went around recording the whole day with a go pro cam. Which i found really off putting, but some people just belong to that selfie culture, of documenting every single thing they happen to do. and it really bothers me, because these people have it some much easier at CAS. I wish I were such a person. But I never made any photos, unless I was actually on the edge of failing, for fear of failing. Once again, lack of initiative bites me, but I never did any photos because I just figured “who cares”. I have always had all of my friends on facebook unfollowed, I literally don’t see what others are doing. Over the last 6 months I had ex classmates ask me if I’m alive, not only have I not responded, I haven’t even clicked on it, so for them it shows the message as “unread”.  You couldn’t make these things up. I’m not writing this to garner mercy or sympathy, but actually to show progress, if anything, I’m bragging in the strangest of ways. Treat it as a testimony, that I actually had done CAS, it made me write the things I did, all in all it was thanks to it. For lack of a better way to end it. I’m just going to stop here.