#I don’t feel entirely comfortable posting thiz

[cecenyss]

My parents are angry. They lose their temper quickly and get ahold of it just as fast. They’re not violent—not towards people, anyway.

Quick bouts of rage come and go so fast it gives me whiplash. My mom will grit her teeth in an angry burst and apologize in the same breath. My dad slams cabinets and swears like a sailor and then turns and says “sweetie?” like nothing is wrong within seconds.

But the apology is said like a chore, the endearment sounds like a threat. I know that they’re not, because I know my parents. I know their mannerisms, I’ve memorized their moods. I can read them as easily as myself.

Those kinds of things are characteristics displayed in abused characters, and I wonder what it says about me that I know my life is good but I still show them. I know they’re not perfect, because nobody is; sometimes I despair over what they could have done better and how much more I’d love myself if they had. But despite that, they don’t hurt me. There’s no malice, and they don’t even realize when I’m in pain.

And yet I fear them. Fear doesn’t come from violence. I know that. But they’re not manipulative, they’re not unloving, they’re not malicious. They love me, and they tell me. Not just when they want something, just when they see me. We’re very big on physical affection, and we talk freely. I roll my eyes and tell them to shut up and they laugh.

And yet I fear them.

My dad snaps and swears loudly about how my mother is a pain. He never threatens me. I don’t think he even processes that he’s saying this to his teenage daughter; he’s venting. And there’s nothing wrong with that that I can think of. Expressing your emotions freely is healthy. But I say thank you more than I would, I don’t talk as much, I don’t crack as many jokes. I stay quiet and talk when I need to. I do what I’m told. I’m scared. I don’t know if I’m scared of hurting him or of him hurting me.

My mom ignores me when she’s doing something, and when I repeat a clarifying question she tells me I need to leave her alone so she can do it. But other times she’s focusing and I leave her alone and she asks if I’m going to help her or not, or if I’m going to just stand there? Sure, the situations are different, but I don’t know what makes one something I should help with or ignore. And if I try to ask, like sometimes do, she says I’m being silly and I should know. I stay quiet and do nothing so I’m not just goofing off; I sit there and watch her in case she tries to ask me something, and I try not to tense. I’m scared.

I don’t know if this is normal or bad. I never had chores; is that neglect or lenience? I don’t know how to clean or do laundry or cook; is that a failure on their part or on mine? Sometimes I’m asked questions in school about where I live and I know my address but I know it like something I’ve memorized, not the actual meanings of the letters and numbers of the streets and where they are and what’s next to them. Is that because I was never taught or because I never paid attention?

Parents aren’t meant to just hold their child through every single life experience. I know that. Sometimes kids are just lazy and it’s their own fault for not trying. But I don’t know which it is. I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or they are. Am I just playing the victim or should they have done better? I know that in the past few years I’ve rejected all attempts by them to do anything, because of depression. Am I responsible for what I’ve missed out on because of it? Am I meant to fix it now? I’m better, but not healed. I still need help, but I’m at an age where I’m meant to be independent. But I can’t. I just can’t.

I love my parents, but I resent them. Am I wrong for resenting them? Do I have nothing to complain about? Am I just being dramatic? I haven’t spoken with them about any of this because I’m scared; is it my own fault I haven’t tried to confront them? When things don’t improve should I blame myself for not pursuing change?

It feels like my mother holds my hand through everything I do. Is that my fault for not being more independent? Is it hers for being too indulgent? Is it both of ours? How does it get fixed if neither of us are going to change? I’m too scared to take any independence because it feels like there’s too much and I feel like I’m constantly on the brink of collapsing, but she’s too complacent.

She’s always complacent. I ask her for things and she promises them so I stop asking and then it never happens and I complain and she says that I stopped asking but she promised but never does it. She doesn’t do anything. Nothing ever changes. My father barely knows what goes on in my personal life.

But they are good parents. They don’t do anything wrong. But I’ve just said things they do wrong. But they mean well, so how can I blame them? I say nothing, so aren’t I just complacent? But I’m scared. Am I allowed to be scared? To do nothing because of fear?

A lot of my friends have actual serious parental issues. Several of them have dead parents. How can I complain about my problems when they have so many actual, active problems? I have a hard enough time opening up about actual problems I deal with that are serious but this one is so mundane and might not even be a problem at all. I can ignore it if I don’t think about it but when I do think about it I want to cry because I hate it so so much.

I started this wanting to make a point about how anger doesn’t have to be violent to hurt someone, but now I’m just venting.

Whenever I take on a new responsibility or activity or anything, it takes over everything. I stress about it all the time, I double think how I do it and what I’m supposed to do and excuses I have for why I did it this specific way if someone asks and how I’m going to explain every single little action and it’s so exhausting. How can I expect myself to deal with the processes my mom does for me when I’m barely holding on with the things I do now? I double think everything. I think I’m doing better but I feel like I’m inching forward.

I don’t bring up suspicions about having autism with my psychiatrist because I’m scared of being wrong or being right or how my parents or cousins or aunts or anybody will react if it’s true or if it’s not true and they found out I thought it was and every single possible change is so exhausting to even think about.

I tell my mom I want to go home while we’re sitting on the couch in the apartment that they’ve lived in since before I was born. I am home, but I don’t feel like it. I never do. I want to be safe, I want to stop thinking, I want to not stress, but it’s so ingrained in how I live and act that I don’t even notice it until I hyper focus on my life and what happens so much it hurts.

She tells me she hates it when I say that. We are home. I can only tell her I want to go home when we aren’t there because that’s the only time she’ll comfort me. “I hate when you say that. We are home. What do you even mean? Stop saying that. It’s annoying. I hate it. I hate it.”

She knows I’m depressed and I have anxiety. I have meds now, and it helps. But sometimes I relapse and I fall into this pit of pain and depression and I can’t tell her, I can’t, because I know that she thinks that I’m better now, I’m good, I can deal with it, because the problem is the chemicals in my mind and the meds help with that. But it’s not just that. I hate my life, I hate everything, I hate myself, I hate her. But I love her. That would hurt her. She would cry. I hate it when my mother cries.

I’m sitting in a rental car crying because I’m depressed and my father is right in front of me. He hasn’t noticed and I doubt he will. When we pick up my mother she might notice my dried tears, and I’ll tell her it’s a sad fanfiction. She’ll believe me. They both will.

I want to go home.

[saviormysticmeme]

Hello! Can you write about MC who is a popular you tuber and is live streaming a horror game. They then get jumped scared, shrieks, and Jumin/Jaehee/Yoosung run in to see what's wrong and MC's like "oh hey babe" and the comment section goes WILD when they discover that they have a lover. How would they each respond to the shriek and the comments is basically what I'm asking. Sorry that this is long af I'm just excited to see what you'll write! :D Thank you a million times

I love this ask so much tbh. I tried writing for it before and just didn’t love it so it never got posted.

Yoosung/Jaehee/Jumin with a Lets Player MC

Yoosung:

“KYAAAAAAAAAA”

He heard it from downstairs and nearly fell out of his gaming chair. The second he heard it, pure adrenaline pumped through him and as he tumbled to the floor in attempts to get up so fast, he pushed off and used it all as momentum, sprinting for the stairs.

“MC!?” He shouted as he bear ran up the stairs and thrust himself into your occasionally shared bedroom. 

Hearing the door open behind you, in addition to the monster on your screen, only succeeded in scaring you more, and thus you let another “AHHHHHHHHH” rip from your mouth. This violent reaction from you in turn scared Yoosung and he “WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”.

There was a few seconds of the both of you screaming before, suddenly, almost in unison. You both stopped.

“…MC?”

“Is everything alright Yoosung?”“Me?! I should be asking you! I heard you scream.”“Oh…yeah I’m playing.” To which you rolled your chair a little sideways to point at the many zombies swarming your computer screen. “Wait are you…streaming!?!? You never told me!!!” Yoosung looked surprised, which quickly turned to a bit of deflation at the thought you were hiding this from him.“Well I usually just do horror games…and like weird dating sims. But I never wanted to make you feel obligated to wat-” and with that you noticed the streeeeaaaam of comments popping up in the video feed

Who is that

Omg is that MCPlays boyfriend??

He’s so cute!!

Wait a second that looks like a guy I play LOLOL with….

They’re so cute

YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND

Stream together? Please? You guys seem cute.

Oooooo Lovers quarrel 

Omg he’s so cute.

KISS, KISS, KISS

You saw all the comments and started twiddling your hair between your thumbs. “Aha, Yoosung, I think we have fans.”

“Wha…” As Yoosung began reading over your shoulders, he began turning very, very, red.

Jaehee

“HELP!” Jaehee’s eyes went wide as she heard the shout. She put her coffee and book down and began hastily walking towards your door. Last she heard you were playing video games, so shouting wasn’t out of the ordinary, but this one made her a little anxious and she felt she had to check.“MC?” She cautiously stuck her head in. You turned to look at her from your computer.“Babe! Sorry! I tried to keep it down but this one hoard took me by surprise…” You shot her an apologetic look. 

Jaehee gave you a soft smile, assuring you that she wasn’t upset. In case you weren’t positive, she followed up with “Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee?”

“Ooooooh! Coffee please?” You got excited at the prospect of her home brewed coffee. 

Jaehee nodded and slipped back out the door.Once she had the coffee ready she brought it back upstairs, but this time you were mid round, she could tell by the look on your face so she walked over to you to set the coffee down, and that’s when she noticed the endless stream of comments. “MC? Are all these people on your team?”“Huh? Haha, no! They’re just watching me play.”“People…just watch?”“Yeah. Viewers, this is my girlfriend Jaehee, Jaehee, these are the Viewers. Say hi!”The brunette leaned over your shoulder, a bit of a deer in the headlights look as she saw her face pop up on screen. She hadn’t even realized you had the face cam on. Then she really started noticing what the comments were saying.

DID MC JUST SAY ‘GIRLFRIEND’

Whoa wait youre….?

That’s so cute! You two are so cute! And she brings you coffee? Ugh. Goals.

Does she know anything about video games? You guys should play together.

UGH THEYRE BOTH SO HOT IT ISNT FAIR

Hi Jaehee! Nice to meet you!

She has a really soothing voice…is that weird to say?

Both of you look so good together ahhhhh

“O-Oh.” Jaehee raised a light hand. “Hi Viewers.”Only to chuckle as the chat exploded even more and blush when she heard your charming laugh.

Jumin

“OH GOD” followed by what sounded like a muffled string of cusses assaulted Jumin’s ears from within his home office. His eyes shot up, but he was frozen for half a second as so many scenarios ran through his head. He shoved his chair back and briskly walked to your room, asking “MC? Are you alright?”The cusses sounded more angry than scared, so he wondered if you hurt yourself. However, you didn’t seem to hear him and thus didn’t respond, putting a little more pace in his step.

 He swung the door to your computer room open, and you didn’t even seem to notice thanks to those damn noise cancelling headphones you got. Hell you didn’t even seem to notice how dark it had gotten. The room was almost entirely dark aside from the computer glow illuminating your sides from the front. He sighed, at least you were ok. Though you still were muttering swears like a sailor under your breath.Unbeknownst to you, your boyfriend stood behind you, about to stride up and tap you on the shoulder.Unbeknownst to your viewers, the man behind you in a black suit was not about to kill you.

MC THERES SOMEONE IN YOUR ROOM

MC TURN AROUND

Who is that guy??

Is this a joke or something…MC this is scary

MC turn around

Should someone call the police

You caught a few of the comments out of the corner of your eye, and at first you thought they were yelling about something in the game, but when your eyes trailed to your camera feed…

“AH HOLY SHIT “ You jumped up and whirled around on the man behind you, doing it so fast the headphones were pulled off your head, your chair was nearly knocked over, the whole desk rattled, and-

Click.

Jumin flicked the light on, his face also showing he was mildly jarred by the last couple seconds.

You just held your hand to your heart for a moment and leaned against the desk. “Oh my…oh my god Jumin. Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“Sneak up on you?” He approached you slowly, any irritation he had before about you not hearing him melted as he saw your scared face. He just wanted to comfort you now, and he tried by sliding his hands onto the sides of your face and steadying you. “I was just coming to check on you and you were here in the dark. And yelling.”Looking into his eyes, you felt the previous tension in your body start to relax, and you let yourself lean into your boyfriend’s hands as a smile crawled onto your face. “I’m sorry. I must have gotten carried away playing the game.”

“The game?” Jumin looked at your computer to see it had a game on screen….but it also had video feed of you two right now! “Are you recording your reaction?”

Him saying that snapped you back into the reality that there were a few tens of thousands of people watching you two right now, and you pulled away from Jumin, a little embarrassed by the accidental PDA. 

“Oh, yeah sort of. I’m live streaming. So people are watching me play right now and commenting…. They also probably saw everything that just happened haha.” You turned from Jumin and leaned closer to your camera “Sorry about that everyone! Didn’t mean to scare!”And your eyes trailed to the commentsIS THAT JUMIN FUCKING HAN

MC ARE YOU DATING HAN JUMIN

no fucking way

iz thiz a collab??/?/

Is…Is C&R promoting themselves on a Lets Play channel?

WHO IS THAT HES HOT AS FUCK

this is the hottest couple alive and im glad im bi

so this wasnt a prank?????

Omg this whole scare was so funny

He seems so serious…please make him play with you.You couldn’t help but laugh at the mixed reactions.