#this reads like poetry in some parts and just venting in others

[cecenyss]

My parents are angry. They lose their temper quickly and get ahold of it just as fast. They’re not violent—not towards people, anyway.

Quick bouts of rage come and go so fast it gives me whiplash. My mom will grit her teeth in an angry burst and apologize in the same breath. My dad slams cabinets and swears like a sailor and then turns and says “sweetie?” like nothing is wrong within seconds.

But the apology is said like a chore, the endearment sounds like a threat. I know that they’re not, because I know my parents. I know their mannerisms, I’ve memorized their moods. I can read them as easily as myself.

Those kinds of things are characteristics displayed in abused characters, and I wonder what it says about me that I know my life is good but I still show them. I know they’re not perfect, because nobody is; sometimes I despair over what they could have done better and how much more I’d love myself if they had. But despite that, they don’t hurt me. There’s no malice, and they don’t even realize when I’m in pain.

And yet I fear them. Fear doesn’t come from violence. I know that. But they’re not manipulative, they’re not unloving, they’re not malicious. They love me, and they tell me. Not just when they want something, just when they see me. We’re very big on physical affection, and we talk freely. I roll my eyes and tell them to shut up and they laugh.

And yet I fear them.

My dad snaps and swears loudly about how my mother is a pain. He never threatens me. I don’t think he even processes that he’s saying this to his teenage daughter; he’s venting. And there’s nothing wrong with that that I can think of. Expressing your emotions freely is healthy. But I say thank you more than I would, I don’t talk as much, I don’t crack as many jokes. I stay quiet and talk when I need to. I do what I’m told. I’m scared. I don’t know if I’m scared of hurting him or of him hurting me.

My mom ignores me when she’s doing something, and when I repeat a clarifying question she tells me I need to leave her alone so she can do it. But other times she’s focusing and I leave her alone and she asks if I’m going to help her or not, or if I’m going to just stand there? Sure, the situations are different, but I don’t know what makes one something I should help with or ignore. And if I try to ask, like sometimes do, she says I’m being silly and I should know. I stay quiet and do nothing so I’m not just goofing off; I sit there and watch her in case she tries to ask me something, and I try not to tense. I’m scared.

I don’t know if this is normal or bad. I never had chores; is that neglect or lenience? I don’t know how to clean or do laundry or cook; is that a failure on their part or on mine? Sometimes I’m asked questions in school about where I live and I know my address but I know it like something I’ve memorized, not the actual meanings of the letters and numbers of the streets and where they are and what’s next to them. Is that because I was never taught or because I never paid attention?

Parents aren’t meant to just hold their child through every single life experience. I know that. Sometimes kids are just lazy and it’s their own fault for not trying. But I don’t know which it is. I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or they are. Am I just playing the victim or should they have done better? I know that in the past few years I’ve rejected all attempts by them to do anything, because of depression. Am I responsible for what I’ve missed out on because of it? Am I meant to fix it now? I’m better, but not healed. I still need help, but I’m at an age where I’m meant to be independent. But I can’t. I just can’t.

I love my parents, but I resent them. Am I wrong for resenting them? Do I have nothing to complain about? Am I just being dramatic? I haven’t spoken with them about any of this because I’m scared; is it my own fault I haven’t tried to confront them? When things don’t improve should I blame myself for not pursuing change?

It feels like my mother holds my hand through everything I do. Is that my fault for not being more independent? Is it hers for being too indulgent? Is it both of ours? How does it get fixed if neither of us are going to change? I’m too scared to take any independence because it feels like there’s too much and I feel like I’m constantly on the brink of collapsing, but she’s too complacent.

She’s always complacent. I ask her for things and she promises them so I stop asking and then it never happens and I complain and she says that I stopped asking but she promised but never does it. She doesn’t do anything. Nothing ever changes. My father barely knows what goes on in my personal life.

But they are good parents. They don’t do anything wrong. But I’ve just said things they do wrong. But they mean well, so how can I blame them? I say nothing, so aren’t I just complacent? But I’m scared. Am I allowed to be scared? To do nothing because of fear?

A lot of my friends have actual serious parental issues. Several of them have dead parents. How can I complain about my problems when they have so many actual, active problems? I have a hard enough time opening up about actual problems I deal with that are serious but this one is so mundane and might not even be a problem at all. I can ignore it if I don’t think about it but when I do think about it I want to cry because I hate it so so much.

I started this wanting to make a point about how anger doesn’t have to be violent to hurt someone, but now I’m just venting.

Whenever I take on a new responsibility or activity or anything, it takes over everything. I stress about it all the time, I double think how I do it and what I’m supposed to do and excuses I have for why I did it this specific way if someone asks and how I’m going to explain every single little action and it’s so exhausting. How can I expect myself to deal with the processes my mom does for me when I’m barely holding on with the things I do now? I double think everything. I think I’m doing better but I feel like I’m inching forward.

I don’t bring up suspicions about having autism with my psychiatrist because I’m scared of being wrong or being right or how my parents or cousins or aunts or anybody will react if it’s true or if it’s not true and they found out I thought it was and every single possible change is so exhausting to even think about.

I tell my mom I want to go home while we’re sitting on the couch in the apartment that they’ve lived in since before I was born. I am home, but I don’t feel like it. I never do. I want to be safe, I want to stop thinking, I want to not stress, but it’s so ingrained in how I live and act that I don’t even notice it until I hyper focus on my life and what happens so much it hurts.

She tells me she hates it when I say that. We are home. I can only tell her I want to go home when we aren’t there because that’s the only time she’ll comfort me. “I hate when you say that. We are home. What do you even mean? Stop saying that. It’s annoying. I hate it. I hate it.”

She knows I’m depressed and I have anxiety. I have meds now, and it helps. But sometimes I relapse and I fall into this pit of pain and depression and I can’t tell her, I can’t, because I know that she thinks that I’m better now, I’m good, I can deal with it, because the problem is the chemicals in my mind and the meds help with that. But it’s not just that. I hate my life, I hate everything, I hate myself, I hate her. But I love her. That would hurt her. She would cry. I hate it when my mother cries.

I’m sitting in a rental car crying because I’m depressed and my father is right in front of me. He hasn’t noticed and I doubt he will. When we pick up my mother she might notice my dried tears, and I’ll tell her it’s a sad fanfiction. She’ll believe me. They both will.

I want to go home.

[beautyofaphrodite]

Happy Friday!

As Friday is a day to honor Lady Aphrodite, every week I like to create a post similar to this, where I talk about a certain topic and have questions for you to share or think about. Last week’s post can be found here. As always, this may not apply to everyone.

Today’s Topic: Aphrodite and Being Queer

Tumblr is known for being a very queer app, so I wouldn’t be surprised if many who see this are part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I’m going to refer to us a “queer” instead of the acronym because it’s long lol.

Lately, as there has been more acceptance and representation for queer people, more and more have been realizing they’re queer. We have always been here, but we are more and more seen and loved than we have been in the past.

Lady Aphrodite has always been a queer goddess. She is a goddess of love, and that means all love, whether that means love between a man and a woman, to two people of the same gender, to more than two in a relationship, to queerplatonic love, or any way that love can be experienced. In addition, She can be seen as trans or intersex with Her form of Aphroditos, someone with a “feminine” shape and “male genitals”.

Many, including me, see Her with more modern labels of queerness. In communication with Her, She has shown Herself to be transfeminine, pansexual, and polyamorous (completely UPG, not a belief everyone will share and She may use different labels or none at all if you ask Her).

Because of Her domains and how She is perceived, many of Aphrodite’s beloved followers and worshippers tend to be queer. Not all of them, of course, but many. For an example that is not modern, take Sappho, the poet where the term sapphic comes from. She often mentioned Lady Aphrodite in her poetry.

In my experience and the experiences from others that I’ve heard about, Lady Aphrodite helps a lot with identity and who we are. I know She’s helped people with internalized queerphobia, navigating relationships whether queer or not, embracing gender identity and expression, and much more.

I love our queer Goddess so much 🫶 I chose this topic in particular for this week as I’ve been struggling with being perceived as female lately. Usually I don’t care how people see me, I know nobody will use my pronouns irl so I just don’t care but I’ve been dressing feminine because I like it and have been getting more feminine comments and I knew that would happen and that that’s what happens when I present femininely but it sucks :/ (sorry for the little vent y’all)

Today’s Question

Does Lady Aphrodite appear queer to you in some way? If you are queer, has She helped you with that somehow?

Challenge

Be a good ally to others in the community or just the community in general. This includes those you don’t understand or think are “weird”. Ally is a verb, not an adjective.

Thank you all for reading this and happy Friday! As always, please think a little bit about the questions and feel free to share your answers if you choose! I will share my answers in a reblog as always.

To anyone who sees this, may you notice love and beauty all around you.

[stellaluna33]

Sorry to be a hater- look away if you must- but I just have to vent once again about how much I hate that stupid "Rory Gilmore learns about sexting to spice up her lagging long-distance relationship!" storyline in Season 7. 🙄 Like, FIRST OF ALL, I'm supposed to believe that Rory Gilmore, who was reading (and recommending!) Ginsberg at the age of 16, is somehow shocked and scandalized and uncomfortable with the idea of reading or writing about sex?? That whole babyish, fluttery, "Oh, I couldn't possibly!" personality transplant she undergoes in that season really throws me off! But ALSO, like... Rory and Logan have only been apart for like THREE EPISODES? By this point? And she's already feeling like their relationship is going to fall apart without sexual intimacy? Like, honey, the point I'm getting from this is not "long distance relationships are hard!" It's "this relationship seems to be based on nothing but sex." And if you're already running out of things to say because you're not in the same room anymore? Yikes. "But long distance relationships are hard!" Yeah! I KNOW. Want to know HOW I know? Because by the time we got married, my Husband and I did the math and figured out that from the beginning of our relationship to our wedding day we'd spent more time APART than TOGETHER. The longest stretch of time where we were on opposite sides of the earth and didn't see each other at all was ten months. And yes! It was hard! But we never felt like we were running out of things to SAY to each other or had no emotional intimacy! How am I supposed to think this Rory/Logan storyline is "romantic" when my own memories involve writing handwritten letters that were pages and pages long, and long emails on top of that? Sensual poetry that ached with so much longing that it made my breath catch in my throat when I read it? Do you know how it feels to talk on the phone for hours and hours until your arm gets tired from holding the phone up and you have to keep switching it from side to side because your ear is getting that horrible warm and sweaty feeling from the plastic being pressed against it for so long, and you STILL don't want to say goodbye because it's never enough? Anyway, I can't get into this storyline. It feels shallow and cheap and boring to me! Like, is this it? And maybe part of the reason my soul recoils from the idea of Rory ending up with Logan is that it's just so DISAPPOINTING! Like, that's it? That's the "great love" she gets? I love Rory and she has such a lively, eager mind! And it just makes me sad to think of her ending up with some guy she doesn't even have anything to talk about with after the thrill of sex has faded. 😕 Boring, boring, boring!

[visualtaehyun]

When I started getting interested in Thai not even a year ago, I certainly didn't expect to be reading poetry at this point but here we are now:

มิ่งมิตร (ming mit) - the poem from Be My Favorite EP.11

It's part of a book of poems called ขอบฟ้าขลิบทอง (horizon trimmed in gold) and the author's pen name is อุชเชนี (Eugenie). Since 2017, the year after her passing, there's been a literary contest dedicated to her, the Eugenie Awards (website is in Thai).

I've copied over the entire thing from the end of the episode + the translation from the subs + included screenshots with the exact lines (unless it just shows Pear reading, unrelated to the line).

In Pear's recital there's two lines missing/left out that I tried to translate (=*) to the best of my *cough* limited *cough* abilities.

Anything marked in red is either an annotation of mine or where I felt the translation needed clarification.

I ran out of time so make of all of this what you will. I might come back to this post with some comments or meta before Friday.

Disclaimer: I'm a learner of Thai, not a native speaker, so feel free to correct me on anything 🙏

มิ่งมิตร เธอมีสิทธิ์ที่จะล่องแม่น้ำรื่น Dear Friend, You have the right to sail along and glide (along a river)

ที่จะบุกดงดำกลางค่ำคืน ที่จะชื่นใจหลายกับสายลม To venture into the woods in the dead of night To revel in the joy of a gentle breeze's sway

ที่จะร่ำเพลงเกี่ยวโลมเรียวข้าว ที่จะยิ้มกับดาวพราวผสม To sing your song with the harvested rice To grin (smile) at the stars above shining bright

ที่จะเหม่อมองหญ้าน้ำตาพรม ที่จะขมขื่นลึกโลกหมึกมน To gaze upon the grass with tears in your eyes To absorb as much bitterness as desired (To be deeply bitter, the world inky unmoving)

ที่จะแล่นเริงเล่นเช่นหงษ์ร่อน ที่จะถอนใจทอดกับยอดสน To be cheerful as a swan soaring free To vent it out with the top of the pine tree

ที่จะหว่านสุขไว้กลางใจฅน ที่จะทนทุกข์เข้มเต็มหัวใจ To plant glee in the hearts of people To take in (endure) as much misery (suffering, one of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism) as you're able

ที่จะเกลาทางกู้สู่ฅนยาก ที่จะจากผมนิ่มปิ้มเส้นไหม *To smooth the path to recovery for someone poor (a way out of being poor) *To leave (?) hair soft almost like silken threads

ที่จะหาญผสานท้านัยน์ตาใคร ที่จะให้สิ่งสิ้นเธอจินต์จง *To boldly unite, to defy the eyes of others *To let things end as you envision

ที่จะอยู่เพื่อฅนที่เธอรัก ที่จะหักพาลแพรกแหลกเป็นผง To live for someone you love dearest To battle until your body turns into ashes (no mention of what turns to dust here as a result of bending, fighting, breaking)

ที่จะมุ่งจุดหมายปรายทะนง ที่จะคงธรรมเที่ยงเคียงโลกา To achieve what you strongly desire To pursue fairness (dharma, justice, truth, virtue) for humankind

เพื่อโค้งเคียวเรียวเดือนและเพื่อนโพ้น เพือไผ่โอนพลิ้วพ้อล้อภูผา For the sickle, the crescent moon, your dear friends For the swaying bamboo trees and the mountains

เพื่อเรืองข้าวพราวแพร้วทั่วแนวนา เพื่อขอบฟ้าขลิบทองรองอรุณ For the abundant rice in the paddy to remain For the golden skyline to come once again (For the horizon trimmed in gold to cradle/prop up the dawn)

[multiplicity-positivity]

hi do you have any resources or advice for an introject missing their sourcemates?

Hello - unfortunately, we couldn’t find many resources for introjects when it comes to specifically missing sourcemates. Our apologies.

We have members of our own system who really struggle with this. Losing sourcemates can feel like losing beloved friends and family, especially if you have strong exomemories regarding your source.

Some accounts might do source calls? We aren’t so interested in that sort of thing, but you might be able to find community in sourcemates from other systems. If you’re interested in putting out a source call, @sourcecall-central seems to be an active blog that does that sort of thing. We’re not sure about any others, though.

As far as advice for coping with those painful feelings and memories… we definitely do not have all the answers, but we can share what has worked for our parts in the past.

For us, reassuring each other, allowing ourselves to feel our emotions, to grieve, to mourn, has all been quite useful. Our introjects with strong ties to their sources are encouraged to cry, to fume, to express themselves. They journal, they write angsty poetry and draw vent art, they talk to our therapist, spouse, other members of our system, and generally reach out for support when they need it. We’re still learning how to be there for each other, and this is one way in which we accomplish that.

We try to remind each other that there are no wrong emotions. It’s okay to miss sourcemates, to long for how things used to be. But it’s also important to remember that things change, and hope and a happy life are still possible and attainable now, in this life, outside of our sources. Remembering and honoring the past does not mean we are doomed to always feel stuck in it. And processing our emotions in healthy ways can be beneficial for coping with the loss of people, places, and good times from our sources.

We hope this is useful, although it’s not comprehensive and really is just our system’s experience with this sort of thing. If anyone reads this and has any further advice or resources, you are more than welcome to share. We could benefit from those sorts of resources as well.

[cervicrazed]

da WHOLE HOG for bambi + whichever of your newer ocs pairs best with her ;]

Hell yeah, let's do it!!

I can already tell this'll be a long one so have a page break to save yourself some dash space

^This is Bambi! ^This is Jak L!

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

Bambi -> you actually gave Bambi her name if I remember right!! I think the logic was Wilton Rader (deer motif) + Walt (Disney) = Bambi

It was funny & fit so well that I didn't bother looking for any other names after that

Jak L. -> When I was making her originally all I knew was that I wanted a pitch black head & red eyes - the tall ears were a last minute addition that made her look like Anubis to me so....well, i just couldn't resist the pull of the pun

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

Bambi -> It kinds depends? I jump around her timeline a lot when i draw her so here's a good rule a thumb; if her hair is in pigtails, she's meant to be no older than 10, long ponytail caps at 16, and her shorter, shoulder length cut means she's 17-19

Jak L. -> Around 18 or 19 - a little older than Bambi to up her 'cool factor' in her eyes. They meet during Bambi's first attempt to go to (Human) school

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?

Bambi -> Crushing hard on Jak but trying to play it cool. She's the poster child for a rebellious teen and Bambi is mesmerized by her confidence and defiance

Jak L. -> Not too keen on relationships after getting cursed by her ex during a messy breakup (she doesn't like to talk about it) Bambi's adoration is not lost on her, but she worries the curse may intervene if she gets too close

🍕 - What is their favorite food?

Bambi -> She absolutely loooovees Lake Trout. There's an abundance of them near her childhood home, so her dads cooked it for dinner often. She used to get sick of it but on long trips it's nice to be reminded of home.

Jak L. -> It used to be a lemon butter chicken thighs, but Jak's curse won't let her eat 'anything that bleeds.' She's found Chicken of the Woods to be a decent replacement, but it's just not the same.

💼 - What do they do for a living?

Bambi -> Money isn't really used outside of Human settlements, but Bambi will run errands for her uncle Warren in exchange for magical items she can sell or use. Due to the nature of his work, the 'simple errands' have a habit of becoming day long quests instead.

Jak L. -> Works part time as a babysitter for human/monster couples. Part of this job includes helping deliver the child to the other parent's home, as neither is allowed to live in the other's community. The journey can be dangerous, but she knows the trail like the back of her hand - meaning her fare can cost as much as she likes.

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

Bambi -> Loves wrestling and will never say no if challenged. The scruffier the struggle the more fun she has ((she also enjoys a bit of whittling due to her dad's influence but will never admit that to him))

Jak L. -> Secretly enjoys climbing up trees to write poetry. She feels her poems are too soft and melancholic for the mysterious punk rebel persona she's trying to sculpt, so no one's ever read em :(

🎯 -What do they do best?

Bambi -> Despite wrestling being her favorite pastime, Bambi is best at parkour! The Jek taught her how to take advantage of her digitigrade legs to give her a better boost in agility

Jak L. -> Jak is convinced she's the best at everything she does, but her true passion lies in lyrical prose.

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

Bambi -> Other than wrestling, Bambi loves to fish! She doesn't use a rod or bait, preferring to catch them with her own hands and teeth (not always a successful method, but it's endlessly fun for her)

She hates feeling caged in or restricted, something she and Wilton argue about often.

Jak L. -> Despite how she makes it seem, Jak loves teaching and watching over the children she's put in charge of. She likes giving them the time to explore, vent, and whatever else they want but rarely have the freedom to do.

She hates authority in all it's forms, holding a strong belief that anyone in a position of power will abuse it. It's just a matter of when.

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

Bambi -> She'd been around 12 years old, on a visit with Wilton into a human settlement so they could sell his carvings. She caught one of the older boys trying to set fire to their stand and tackled him. She walked away with a few scratches while he limped away with a broken nose. Her father was displeased sure, but that was nothing compared to the pride she felt at winning her first brawl.

Jak L. -> A month or two after meeting Bambi, she had introduced her to her uncle; a necromancer. Jak had always wanted to learn magic but had never found a teacher patient enough to show her. It took the whole day to master but the Lich Doctor taught her how to heal minor cuts and scrapes. It may have only been a simple spell but it meant the world to her.

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

Bambi -> Wilton had gotten sick and stayed worryingly ill for weeks; it didn't seem like he'd get any better. Bambi offered to get the Lich Doctor to help but he was adamantly against it, resulting in a nasty argument and Bambi leaving anyway. By the time she returned, her dad had already passed. Sure, her uncle assured her that he could reincarnate him, but it didn't change the fact that her last words to him had been "I hate you"

Jak L. -> Jak had hidden herself in her favorite tree, happily writing poems no one would ever see. Her ex didn't like the thought of her keeping secrets from them, leading to a shouting match and a frenzied fight over the pages. Once read, he misinterpreted her poems as an admission to cheating; burning her work and cursing her to never be loved again. She's been looking for a way to break it ever since.

🧊 - Is their current design the first one?

Bambi -> Not at all really. The only thing left over from her first design is her yellow flannel - it's her signature character color! she looks weird without it now!!

Jak L. -> Yeah, I made Jak in January so there hasn't been a lot of (if any) evolution in her design (yet)

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

Bambi -> Originally I wanted to make a non-canon fankid for Wilton & Walt / The Jek to explore what they'd be like as parents. I based her personality off a little girl I saw aggressively splashing in rain puddles and laughing evilly. the rest is history

Jak L. -> Design practice! She wasn't going to be an OC at first, just an exercise in character design but when I finished I liked the potential too much for her to just be a one off.

🌂 - What genre do they belong in?

Bambi -> YA fantasy but preferably one that has more fucked up freaky little creatures ((like the spiderwick chronicles))

Jak L. -> Whatever genre Rebel Without a Cause was ((add in a fantasy or horror element so she can keep her face))

💚 - What is your OC’s gender identity and sexuality?

Bambi -> Demigirl + Lesbian! ❤️🧡🤍🩷💜

Jak L. -> Transfemme + Bisexual! ❤️💜💙

🙌 - How many sibling does your OC have?

Bambi -> she tried really hard to get her dads to grow a new sibling but Wilton wouldn't have it (Bambi suspects Walt planted one anyway, but has no proof)

Jak L. -> She's unsure if she has any siblings. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. Jak doesn't know and doesn't care to find out.

🍎 - What is the OC’s relationship w/their parents like?

Bambi -> Loving but a bit strained. Her parents' over-protectiveness kept her from exploring anything beyond the river mill for years and their secrecy prevented her from learning anything about their pasts. She wishes they'd respect her autonomy and not keep so many secrets from her

Jak L. -> Cold and distant. All she knows about them is that they left her behind and disappeared. She doesn't know if they died, but she wouldn't be upset if they did. As far as she's concerned, her father is the sun and her mother the moon

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

Bambi -> all the potential pathways I could take her character! Her storyline isn't set in stone like some of my other OCs so I have a lot of fun putting her in Situations™

Jak L. -> her design for sure. She's incredibly fun to draw, especially her locs & baggy t-shirt

✏️ - How often do you draw/write about the OC?

Bambi -> Getting back in the habit of drawing her again now that I've gotten over my second-hand embarrassed ab sharing my stuff. I've definitely got more notes about her than I do drawings

Jak L. -> Only very recently started fleshing her out via notes/short stories. It's been fun getting to know what her personality is going to be like

💎 - Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC?

Bambi -> I don't think I've ever thought ab killing Bambi off, not even in an angsty one-off. She's got too much of a story to tell to cut it short like that

Jak L. -> kinda? But not really dedicated to it just yet. She's too new for me to want to get rid of so quickly.

💀 - Does your OC have any phobias?

Bambi -> She'll claim she doesn't, but she's absolutely Claustrophobic

Jak L. -> Not exactly Pyrophobic since she can be around campfires or a fireplace well enough, but she will refuse to interact with it in any way that doesn't involve putting it out

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

Bambi -> The Big Secret her family has been hiding from her ((she hasn't really met Him yet))

Jak L. -> Jak sees every established institution as her arch nemesis

🎓 - How long have you had the OC?

Bambi -> oh man it's been a loongg while....I think since 2017 or 2018? That makes her about 7 or 8 years old....wow...

Jak L. -> Jak is about 4 months old ‼️

🍥 - What age were you when you created the OC?

Bambi -> I was probably 16 or 17 when I first sketched her up

Jak L. -> Can confidently confirm that I was 22 when Jak popped onto my canvas

Phew! You made it to the end! Thanks!

[22degreehalo]

Sorry but I still haven't reblogged/posted anything about the whole. 'Nandor and Guillermo are Just Friends!!! Not ALL relationships need to be sexual!!!!! :)' thing because. hmmm. I just don't really. Like. I'm not even sure I summarised the point that was made correctly, you know? Or the words that were said? Communication, as a concept, being what it is.

Because. It, on the surface, sure SOUNDS like the sort of thing that would be said in a typically heteronormative sex-negative traditionally gendered television seriés. Which would make me quite mad!!! And would be a very easy post to make. 'This director said this, which is homophobic, and this is very easy to believe because to be honest most directors kind of are and we're all just used to that background radiation of Media that we never really thought consciously "Oh, this director is probably Homophobic."

But this show is. What We Do In The Shadows (2019).

A show in which the primary romantic relationship are openly pansexual, which comes up very frequently because they have an open relationship and casually speak about their extramarital liaisons and threesomes/orgies. Also, one of the main characters we're talking about is also canonically part of said liaisons, at least three times a week. And, y'know. "Coprophilia? Really?"

It's a show in which our two so intensely-shipped loverbirds are both canonically queer. And one, also canonically, has a crush on the other. While the other is famously reserved about his true feelings towards the former. And has a whole major character arc revolving around his romantic loneliness and search for a partner.

Is it offensive to the nature of friendship to believe that a gay man, and a pansexual man who canonically has sex with his friends, who said gay man has romantic feelings for, could have some sort of 'more than friends' relationship?

A show, might I add, in which a main character has a garden of bushes trimmed to resemble most beloved vulvas? Including that of his so esteemed dear mother?

I am afraid, dear reader, that at this point I am simply a little bit lost. I understand, you see, how to rail against hetero-blinded directors, how to vent wildly about writers who do not understand their own work. I know the script, now. I watched Supernatural.

But these events fail to produce that righteous fury within me. Instead, what I feel is a strange... dissociation? Like... am I reading, right now? Words? In the English language? Are any of us, really?

It is said that good art transports. Well, friends and fellow Nandermo truthers, I find myself abruptly akin to the soldiers of World War One, trenches high above our heads and an enemy wearing our own collective face. What is the point of this war? By what means do these bombs fly?

I'm not angry. I am a 1910s impoverished soldier about to invent existentialism and, friends, I am fuck bad at poetry.

[randomrabbidramblings]

Thanks to Bwahstrella's... questionable policies about her clients' privacy here's her quotes:

Not quite spoilers, but if you want to catch them yourself, don't go ahead. No spoilers about the DLC, just lil' trivia about the characters. There's A LOT of them, I don't even think you could get all of them in a couple of playthroughs, I may have missed a bunch, so if you find some I didn't let me know!

"Augie lives in fear his villagers will discover that their emergency food supplies are just bags of nacho cheese sauce."

"Augie was supposed to build a new temple, but he blew the funds on booking DJ Cheep Tuna for his birthday."

"I foresee Augie will be put on a "performance improvement plan" for using the lighthouse to cook a rotisserie chicken."

"Tell Augie our service hotline is not a free consueling service."

"Find out wich intern told Augie he was doomed and fire them. He is calling like a lunatic now."

"I foresee Augie wearing sweatpants to his parents' anniversary after forgetting to try on his suit until the day of."

"Orion's next cargo ship will catch fire after Salesbot's crates of "furniture parts" turn out to be illegal fireworks."

"I foresee Orion being swallowed alive by a Shovel-Nosed Gobblegazer while star fishing. He REALLY needs a new hobby."

"Magnesio and Vanesia sold MANY "prosperity crystals". The catch? They were ICE crystals. Rabbids got water in the mail."

"I sponsored Telesio in a book-a-thon fundraiser. He read every book in the Winter Palace - TWICE! Cost me a fortune."

"Each postcard of Dr. Vent is stranger than the last. That Rabbid is in dire need of a vacation."

"The balls they throw at the Winter palace are like knitting circles compared to the ones they had there back in my days."

"Woodrow is to recieve terrible dating advice until he rescinds the 5% fortune telling tax on Palette Prime!"

"Woodrow's ex-girlfriend couldn't even read a greeting card inscription without breaking into hives, poor thing."

"The Fates are many, and their voices discordant, but on this ONE thing they agree - they HATE Woodrow's poetry."

"When Woodrow needed money he wrote crude limericks under the name "Bell Chur". Oddly they brought only good luck."

"If Woodrow calls, tell him I am in a seance - DO NOT take a message, especially if it rhymes."

"Yes, it is bad if Woodrow's next poem destroys the galaxy, BUT if we don't have to hear it - mixed blessing."

"Lots of Rabbids from Palette Prime are calling for advice. Woodrow must be working on a new poem. SHUDDER."

"Tell the Palette Prime office I'm eagerly awaiting fresh gossip from the Spellbound Woods about Sweetlopek an the Dryad."

"I foresee the Dryad and Sweetlopek making a fortune selling fall-themed "farmhouse chic" pinecone wreaths to tourists."

"A certain Spark Hunter who is as dense as her name implies owes me for damage to my vacation home on Palette Prime."

"I didn't say Salesbot smuggles artificial pumpking spice into Palette Prime, but I also didn't NOT say it."

"The "authenthic" Paletteville Plaza Farmer's Market scented candles I bought from Salesbot smell like rotting garbage."

"The premium for poetry-related accident insurance on Palette Prime is six times that of our other locations!"

"A golden acorn of opportunity will fall in your lap while you are asleep. It will be eaten by a vole."

"Bea reports that "Madame Bwahstrella Doom n' Bloom Boquets" are a very popular item between mortal enemies."

"Bea's music made a small comeback after DJ Cheep Tuna sampled it for Darkmess Cheese Barber Wrap Tunnel Disco party."

"Tell my publicist to invite Galaxy Confidential to my Doomy Awards dinner party, then seat the Phantom near Bea."

"You didn't need to be psychic to predict the Phantom dumping Bea for one of her backup dancers, but would she listen?"

"Tell Alkementor I need a case of red banana-kumquat-star apple mineral fusion water for my Doomy Awards afterparty."

"I see Sullivan going dateless at the Engineer's Ball if he does not stop blowing me off for his stupid train."

"If Sullivan calls, tell him I'm having lunch with a handsome salesman who prefers electric trains over steam engines."

"Sullivan sent roses to apologize for calling me "vile rabble" after I said his steam train was a "ridiculous fossil"."

"Everywhere I go at the Everbloom I am asked. "Do you foresee more overtime in my future?" Hard to relax."

"I foresee Momma being thougher than leather and harder than steel, with an itch for action and living like there no tomorrow!"

"I wouldn't want to be a certain Spark Hunter when Momma catches up to them with an itch that only revenge can scratch!"

"Tell our Barrendale Mesa location they are absolutely NOT to close during "Big Momma's Bike Rally and Chili Cookoff."

"I foresee Gerspard moving into his Neo-Figurative Hyper-Expressionist Retro-Futuristic Tabloid phase to rave reviews."

"Rabbid Peach wants HOW MUCH for a sponsored post?!"

"Someone tell Rabbid Mario we do not use male models for our gift catalogues before he sends us any more beefcake shots."

"Prof. Backpack's lecture series is postponed until he can find a commercial spaceflight with room for his backpack."

"Can someone remind Salesbot he does not work here? He keeps popping in to help himself to our breakroom snacks."

"My competitor, Madame Bwahstrodamus, could not predict yesterday's weather if she had a newspaper."

"Find out how many lanes the bowling alley in Madame Bwahstrodamus' mansion has so I can build mine with twice as many."

"Sigh... Have my body double do the autograph signing. I need a vacation..."

"I see a new personal assistant in my future if my chicken cheesesteak is cold like last time."

"Curses, hexes, evil eyes... Fortune-telling USED to be fun. Now the Fates most rely on algorithms and statistics."

"I'm Doomed, My Partner's Not - my self-help guide for couples, it's due out this spring."

"Life is short - doom well, doom often, doom much."

[tazzymcclazzy]

RAAAAGH GRAAARRRGHHH AND OTHER SUCH SCARY DRAGONDOGTHING NOISES pleas e read this

tazdrgaoneyetagain -> tazzymcclazzy! first url change lets go

HELLAO! i go by taz, jevil, petco, or if youre feeling sillay, you can call me drgaone! or just dragon. if youre normal. also any variation of the word dog.

☆ he/it/that/bark/woof/any canine-related neo you can fathom but i very much like it/its, transmasc and pan! can't quite describe my exact gender its like caninegender and boygored's evil child it's like the cissest-looking trans man you know its like some shadowy creature in the woods its like a domestic dog. you know the drill. one day ill find a xeno that fits that

☆ furry and therian (black wolfdog) and simultaneously petre because you can never be too canine i guess, otherhearted (dragonhearted of course), selfshipper!!!1!1!

☆ not whatsoever diagnosed with anythin other than a few miscellaneous conditions but everyone who talks to me agrees theres some divergent on that neuro

☆ taken and very loud about it i love bird sm. SO much. im normal im so so normal [dies

☆ chronic epistaxis i am the number one bleeder

☆ also part of the corpoverse! i'm petcotherealest

《FANDOMS :3333》

◇ wings of fire

◇ pjsk/vocaloid

◇ fnaf, specifically the dcas

◇ hfjone

◇ the walten files

◇ chonny's charming chaos compendium

◇ regretevator. its birds fault

◇ kinitopet!!!!

《F/OS !!》

♡ sun (five nights at freddys, romantic f/o)

♡ six-claws (wings of fire, father f/o)

♡ sayori (doki doki literature club, romantic f/o)

♡ shadow bonnie (five nights at freddys, caregiver f/o)

♡ the heart acoustic (cccc, caregiver f/o)

♡ kinito (kinitopet, platonic f/o)

《TAGSSSS》

♧ drgaone roars -> og posts

♧ drgaone snarls -> asks and answers

♧ tax evasion -> art tag! i used this one across all my past blogs (@taz-drgaone, and the one i had to deactivate womp womp) so going through a tag for a literal felony is fucking flooded with fruity dragons. in retrospect i should have made it drgaone draws

♧ manatee the silly! -> manatee my blorbo my silly. also used across all blogs but you dont have to scroll past political shit

♧ drgaone scrawls -> vent poetry n fanfic !!!!!!!!! pls dont look there i put those there 4 safekeepin

♧ saveforlater -> imagine me curled up on a pile of these posts like a sleeping dragon atop its horde of treasures

♧ holy shit the images are moving -> animations i post

♧ partnerposting -> me being in love

《MORE INFO I GUESS》

♤ feel free to send asks requests dms whateva!!!1! i thrive off interaction its my fucking lifeblood

♤ on that note, I AM A MINER. PICKAXE EMOJI. no nsfw but im ok w drawn gore/violence/ect!

♤ ask about my ocs. i beg you. hehe is that a sex reference

♤ on that topic, if it's brought up and ya get confused: carp is a dca au/selfship/crossover thingy invented via dumbassery and roleplay by me, birdic, and realguitarcenter/kaiyadrawzz, and it involves a lot of my wof oc lore (if i infodump to you abt one and redact something due to carp relation that is why), literal satanism, and lotsa heavy topics. if you wanna know about it, i will GLADLY TELL YOU and i have a loredoc in the works. my sona/the guy in my pfp is from carp, as is any characters by the name of austin, avery, or gabe. we hate gabe

♤ my discord is assignedmuckaatblucka PLEASE ADD ME i love makin friends so so so much

♤ tazzerjevil on ao3!!! read my fics boy. but maybe not the smut because it is carp smut. currently workinf on a jashling chatfic im v proud of

♤ not gonna put my triggers here due to An Incident but ask about em via dms or smth if you wish ^^ please do not ask about their origins. i will possibly block you if you try to find out

♤ PRO-PALESTINE. except i cant post much abt it because my zionist mother looks at my tumblr. but from the river to the sea palestine will be free‼️

♤ i am worlds most annoying dog. i will spam you with barking and yap about my partner so much

♤ i have many a sideblag! if you find the petre one, you get a gold star. if you find the other one and ask abt it, you get blocked. i sincerely apologize! but if u find the other one you probably have me blocked anyway so uerhm idk

BASIC DNI SHIT! pls if ur a jackass or bigot or anything do Not follow. also anyone against transspecies people (not one myself but its such a cool concept), mspec lesbians, xenos or neos. also if youre gonna tag me in a reblog chain plEASE dont, but especially dont do one of those ones where it says "tag [insert number of people]" i panic and have no clue who ta tag,,, also no reblog bait please! makes me nervous.

sona refs, theriotype refs, and other such images under the cut

SONA REFS:

second one by @/ratboyinastarrycoat!!

THERIOTYPE REFS:

i am simultaneously a large predator and an Oipouy. got a problem with that, liberal?/ref

OKAY THATS ALL SCAMPERS AWAY

[izu-lu]

I want a boyfriend like Kazuha :c

I want to pass little notes to each other in class

I want to be arsty with him and let my creativity overflow again so I can create so many things

I want to cuddle in the middle of the night while listening to music

I want to go to picnics to the dead lake at my town drinking monster and eating random snacks what we found in the store but living the best time of our lives

I want to go riding a bike in the summer late when the sun is setting

I want to play outdated games together and staying up all night texting each other

I want to fangirl together abt our favourite bands and recommend songs to each other from them

I want to listen/see to his creations, like drawing, poetry or just some random drabble from the back of his head

I just want to climb over the fence of the playground at the park when the staff forgot to open it and sit in the swings (I'm willing to sacrifice my ass with the kid's swing for the moment)

I want to run out to the forest-y part of my neighbourhood so we can take pictures of the other lake in the sunset

I want to laugh at funny memes in the bus stop, then walk together for a while during the walk home, then talk for 30 minutes at the corner where we part ways

I want to improvise programmes when we don't have anything to do and we go to someone's place to play games

I want to celebrate Fridays, I want to complain about Mondays, I want to write little poems for each other on Valentine's Day

I want to walk to the store to buy gummy bears so we can go with the less crowded bus on days we have 6 lessons and all the 3 schools' kids want to go home with the same bus

I want to go to somewhere on the weekends alkne, I want to go to the capital not far away to watch a movie in a shopping mall, and go tl the stationary store after so we can look for cute notebooks

This shit became quite long- nvm we love vents at 2 AM

Idk if you can call this a kazuha drabble, but I'll label it like that, cuz prob no one will care about this post other than the 2 friends of mine who read my posts lol

But if it bothers u pls lmk

[atowncalledher]

FUCK IT this is the autistic tgirl infodumping site I'm gonna talk about one of my favorite songs ever.

And even if you don't read the rest of the post go listen the this song, it's insanely good. Then listen to the rest of their songs. Summer's Here (And I Don't Want To Die!) is very seasonally appropriate.

(tw discussion of death, terminal illness)

First off, IWALOID? One of my favorite vocaloid producers. They wrote seven absolute BANGERS then fucked off entirely. Icon behavior. What I really love about them is the way that they write lyrics; the word choice feels so genuine while taking very mundane things into a poetic context. I don't think that most other songwriters would go for both "Watching Spongebob on my own, 'cause I'd rather be alone" and "You and me with no spatial dichotomy" and have them both sound so genuine. The writing is some times flowery, but in a way that people that I know actually talk (I definitely do it too, I think it's a bit of the 'being a kid who read books more than I talked to other kids' kinda thing). BTW another vocaloid artist that does this really well is Ippo.tsk (my other favorite vocaloid artist lmao).

But none of this is about Starbearers, which honestly shifted my whole perspective on how songs can be written (I was like sixteen so like, it was prime time for my mind to be blown but still) and how song structures and lyrics can intertwine thematically to enhance the emotional impact of a song.

I also want to preface this by saying that while I know a decent bit about music theory and poetry, every time I try to dig into the academic side of things my eyes glaze over (I swear I've fubking TRIED I just can't do it) so this is all going described in the ways that I've taught myself to understand things, and so some of the language might not be super clear or whatever.

OK so Starbearers is about the relationship between two people, one of whom dies of an unspecified terminal illness. The song has three choruses that split it into three different sections, each essentially re-contextualizing the speaker's relationship with the other person.

The first verse is the speaker recalling a period of time pre-illness, focused on their naivety and the carefree way in which these two people spent their time. It is very grounded in a physical space with phrases like "The cool breeze in late July; A sense of wonder lingered in the air" and "Your house's wind chimes break the summer air; So gently to remind us that we were there". This section (I think very intentionally) strays away from making any sort of metaphorical statements (for reasons that I'll get to later) or lending any strong emotions to the scene. It's supposed to feel serene and calm to set up the emotional gut punch of the later ones, and the following chorus follows the vibe while introducing some disparaging language from the part of the speaker, such as them calling themselves "the Time wasters of life, not so useful..." who "Just keep living like our lives are here to stay; No thoughts of getting torn away". FORESHADOWING!!!

The second verse, much like the first, keeps the listener grounded in a physical space with "Sinister chill of waiting rooms", talking about doctor visits and treatments and stuff. While there are some neat parallel phrases, like taking "A sense of wonder lingered in the air" and changing it to "A sense of worry lingered in the air" it just follows the arc of steadily building tension until the next chorus...

Where the speaker has an emotional breakdown. The whole section is about them venting their rage and sorrow about the whole situation, and in response the lyrics get more and more metaphorical;" a hopeless cause of life", "drink the air", and "your sickness... rips my fucking heart out of my chest". I think that there two reasons for this. As humans, I think that when emotions feel bigger and more impactful than we have words to describe we turn to metaphor, which both helps us process the emotions and also help us describe what it feels like better to other people. The second is that when there is ONE thing that could break down someone's fragile emotional state when mentioned, people will dance around it to not say it directly. These are definitely things in English, idk if it works similarly in other languages or not. But the most important part of this section of the song, for the purposes of this analysis, is that it continues the building tension. The speaker is going through the stages of grief, and the musical and lyrical tension is building up and up to match the emotional intensity until the whole thing has to boil over.

And this is when the high-intensity instrumental accompaniment drops out and we're left with just vocals and a single relatively chill guitar track. I'm just going to copy paste the whole thing because it's basically the thesis of the whole track:

"Take some time to just reflect upon your feelings...

Then leave your feelings behind you in the dust"

"Even when I'm gone, I will always be with you."

"No use in cryin' now."

This is the only point in the song where the other party, the terminally ill person, has the speaking part. And this is what they choose to say. You gotta move on.

This flows right on into the third chorus, the very first lines of which pull the metaphorical ground out from under us. The other two thirds of the song keep themselves pretty well grounded, but this one immediately sends us right into space. Literally.

"We are the

Starbearers of life

Cling to moments that we shine, often brief

Your supernova sings to me"

Right up into space. By bringing us out of a grounded space and into the realm of metaphor, we get the impression of the speaker approaching life from a whole new perspective, with a whole new reverence. The song continues by bringing us back into the grounded space of the first verse, with "Cloudless summer nights" and a "cooling breeze" referencing the line "The cool breeze in late July" from the first verse. And then the line "And those chimes outside your door... Are still ringing in my ears" referencing "Your house's wind chimes break the summer air". The wind chimes fulfill the same purpose in both places "to remind us that we were there". They remind the speaker that life is best spent happily, with the people that you love. That's symbolism, baby.

But the thing that really gets me is how much the first two choruses are building up to the third one, and how the theme of the piece is reinforced by the musical structure underneath. If we take the first line from each chorus:

"We [are] the time wasters of life"

"[We are] a hopeless cause of life"

"We are the Starbearers of life"

These three together form a really powerful tricolon crescendo when we put them together. These are presented as three different lenses through which the speaker is seeing themselves and the other person in the poem, and musically they are all the same part of the chorus melody. Because they are all three describing the same subject, they are inherently the same and of equal importance. Wasting time is of the same importance as grief, and of moving forwards. They are all one and the same.

We are the Starbearers of life - we are the ones that make life worth living. It is internal and connected to all other people, who each make each other's lives worth living.

We are a hopeless cause of life - there is no greater purpose, there is nothing external to give us hope.

We are the time wasters of life - pretty self explanatory, I think. Wasting time is just another lens through which to view spending time.

But the We in each of these phrases is the same people. Each is simply another way to view the same thing.

We are wasting time, we are hopeless, and we are the stars in each other's lives.

It is the time that we waste together that gives light to each other's lives.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

One of my favorite things about this song is that it uses metaphor in such an intentional way. A lot of other songs that hit really hard emotionally for me layer on metaphors from the very first lines, like boygenius's Not Strong Enough or Pattern's Simple Folds (both of which can make me bawl my eyes out on a bad day). But Starbearers builds it slowly, pulling its punches right until the end, and I think that's part of why it hits so hard at the third chorus. It's an inspiring piece of songwriting and I strive to imitate just a fraction of its emotional impact in my own writing. It's one of my favorite pieces of music and I hope everyone else can appreciate it as much as I do.

[suzannahnatters]

Flash Fic: Final Transmission

<CAPITAN MERCHANT VESSEL FARSEEKER - COMMS STATION FINAL TRANSMISSION SENT 49/13/2839 16:33>

FARSEEKER: Farseeker to the Lion's Throat. This is Captain Ardent Carta speaking. Do you read me? Over.

[NO RESPONSE]

[DISTANT YELLING. SOUND OF BLOWS - APPARENTLY, THE COMMS STATION BLAST DOOR WAS BEING RAMMED WITH A HEAVY OBJECT]

FARSEEKER: Lion’s Throat, this is Farseeker! I have an emergency! Do you read? Over.

[NO RESPONSE]

FARSEEKER: Read me, ***** it! I know you're there. You spoke to Phillix. Right before he vented himself out the airlock. Then you spoke to Bround. He took an axe to the mess hall. [LAUGHTER] Mess hall. That amused you, did it? You even spoke through one of the cargo, right when the killing started. “You’ve all sinned, reckoning is here.” You're a judgemental blighter as well as a sick one, aren't you? Well, [SARCASM] forgive me, Father.

[NO RESPONSE]

FARSEEKER: I can't believe I'm trying to radio a wormhole.

[HIGH PITCHED WHINING - OUR SPECIALIST’S OPINION IS THAT A LASER CUTTER WAS NOW TAKEN TO THE BLAST DOOR]

FARSEEKER: **** !

FARSEEKER: Look, whatever you are out there—I gather there's some sort of taboo on this wormhole. The Namardian locals said not to intrude—"Death awaits those impious ones who venture into the Lion's Throat", all very ominous and superstitious—but they've barely discovered heavier-than-air, let alone faster-than-light. We're not trying to make trouble. We’re just sentience merchants, trying to get our cargo home to Capita Six. The portal we came by won’t open again for two months and in the meanwhile the cargo is bound to degrade. Over.

[NO RESPONSE]

[A CLANG - EVIDENTLY PART OF THE BLAST DOOR FALLING AWAY]

[LASER CUTTER POWERING DOWN]

[MOMENTARY SILENCE]

FARSEEKER [FORMER CREW]: Let me...in, Captain. You must…pay, just like…the rest of us.

FARSEEKER [CAPTAIN, HURRIEDLY]: There are no Capitan records of this wormhole, but once I'm through I guarantee there will be. No ship of ours will ever disturb you again. Over.

[NO RESPONSE]

[LASER CUTTER POWERING ON AGAIN]

FARSEEKER [LOUDER]: Come on, think this through! You need to leave someone alive! You need me alive!

[SOUND OF DOOR FALLING OPEN]

FARSEEKER: For heaven's sake, answer me! How was I to know?

[LASER CUTTER APPROACHING]

FARSEEKER [SCREAMING]: What about the cargo? I have five hundred sentient Namardians in my hold. Aren't they your worshippers? Won't you have mercy on them—?

[THREE SHOTS IN QUICK SUCCESSION]

[SCREAMING]

[SEVERAL DISTINCT THUDS - REGRETTABLY, CAPTAIN CARTA APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN DISMEMBERED]

[SILENCE]

[SO I NEED TO DESCRIBE THE VOICE. THE VOICE IS LIKE STONE. THE VOICE IS LIKE LABYRINTHS. THE VOICE IS LIKE RUINED CITIES FALLING FROM THE SKY. IT SPEAKS ONLY WHEN SILENCE FALLS]

LION'S THROAT: But I do have mercy on them.

<END TRANSMISSION>

-----

I wrote this flash fic for the Pilgrim Artists' Festival, a small Christian festival of art, music, and words which runs every year in Tasmania's Huon Valley. The theme for the 2022 festival was "Justice and Mercy", and since I've always been fascinated by the way that the Bible often presents the divine as horrifying, especially in the aspect of justice, this was yet another of my regular unsuccessful attempts to write a cosmic horror story about divine justice; this one with a space-opera flavour.

Until 2 September, the 2023 Pilgrim Artists' Festival is open for submissions of fiction, non-fiction, poetry, art, and music from Christian, Nicene-Creed-affirming artists, including children and adults, anywhere in the world. This year's prompt is "Beauty in the Everyday" and there is a 500 word limit on literary entries. There are also dozens of prizes available - check them out and submit here.

Other Pilgrim Artists' Festival flash fic: The Gardens of Hades Strange the Living

[kquil]

You have so many of these requests so please feel free to ignore this!!

If it's no trouble, could I please get a 🧁?

I'm 5'9 and I have long and curly dark brown hair and brown eyes. I have a fair skin tone, I'm slim and I've got full lips and fairly large eyes. I also have these dimples that I really like! I love dressing up and playing around with makeup.

I love reading, my favorite genres are poetry, Russian lit, and mysteries! I love learning about new things and knowing a little bit of everything. I adore adventures, witty and playful banter, joking around and having indepth discussions on anything and everything! I adore all forms of art and I have quite a few creative hobbies! I listen to a lot of modern/indie rock and I love watching films very much! I'm a pretty good badminton player and I love tennis too.

It takes me a while to feel comfortable around new people but once I do, I become really talkative and outgoing. I love helping out and I'm the therapist friend, people come to me to vent or for advice and comfort. I'm smart and ambitious; I love being the best at everything I do. I'm quite the hopeless romantic and I love being in love! I adore big and small romantic gestures and I love domesticity sm!! My love languages are acts of service and quality time. I'm a ravenclaw, my mbti is infp and my enneagram is 4w3!

Thank you very much!

thank you so much for sending in a request darling and im so so sooo sorry it took so long to fulfil, a lot of things happened! nevertheless, i hope you enjoy the ship i came up with for you (⸝⸝⸝╸w╺⸝⸝⸝)

I ship you with Remus Lupin 

i. in his eyes, you’re too pretty for someone like him, someone whose skin is littered with scars and someone with such a dark secret. he loves your pretty brown eyes and beautiful dark brown hair, often times, he’d be so tempted to just reach out and play with a stray curl between his fingers. you would almost always see his attempts in your peripheral, you would see his hesitance and eventual withdraw. but you would turn to him with a kind smile, reach for his hand and bring his fingers to your hair instead. With a grateful smile, remus loses the tension in his shoulders before succumbing to his urges in playing with your hair. It was little things like this that he really loved about you, every small action from him was one you took notice of and did your best to reassure him — you made him feel like less of a monster

ii. remus often feels guilty for taking more from you than he was giving in return but that wasn’t the case at all. he returns all the comfort you give him through the domestic, romantic love that comes so naturally to him. every spring, he sees a new blossom that reminds him of you, he picks it to take to you, forming a small bouquet. in the summer, when the two of you spend weeks in each other’s company, he would love you so dearly, cooking you breakfast, making you tea/coffee in the mornings, just the way you liked it and the two of you would wake up early to watch the sunrise, and would converse about anything and everything under the sun as the sun sets. In the autumn, he loves holding your hand and letting you borrow his giant sweaters to swamp yourselves under, he thinks your adorable and sometimes can’t help himself when wanting to pick you up and cuddle you close in private. in the winter, the two of you love to share mugs of hot chocolate whilst reading your books and eventually cuddle in bed together, if you two were feeling extra peckish, you would bake some delish goods in the kitchen together with the elves to have with your hot chocolate. his love for you is unrelenting and stays strong through every season. 

iii. as part of the marauders, he takes you on some of the adventures they like to go on but more subdued. the boys are like a test-run so that he could map out a safer and more romantic trip for the two of you to have — this way you can focus on each other more and make memories that will last you a lifetime. when going on these excursions, you’d often feel a lot more mischievous and start acting silly or playing around with him, giving him the occasional playful shove, and he would do the same back. he finds it so easy to laugh and smile with you around; with you around, the world just feels right.  

iv. even though he’s bad at it, he’ll play a friendly game of tennis or badminton with you, whatever you fancy that day. it almost always becomes a little competition where you’re both at equal playfields but you both secretly know remus is gonna lose. It’s just that the idea of a playful match was so appealing and fun, you two can’t help but make impish jabs at each other. “you really think you can take me?” remus challenges as you narrow your eyes at him in jest, “ha! don’t make me laugh! it’s you who can’t take me!”

v. you two spend a lot of time together either in silence or in full discussion about any topic under the sun, it could be about the books you two were reading or a topic brought up during class, it could be about something completely random or silly or about the most mundane things — either way, you two could talk to each other for forever without getting tired. even though you tend to be the therapist friend, remus doesn’t want that type of relationship with you. he knows that he can trust you with his problems because you know how to keep secrets and are almost always so much wiser than him but his problems are his, the only things he wants to fill your relationship with is love and happiness. nevertheless, you two still go to each other for advice every once in a while, exercising your trust in each other and feeling satisfied and content with life after most discussions. after every heart-to-heart and at the end of each day, remus never fails to whisper a sweet and a loving “i love you,” into your ear before he presses a kiss into your temple, your cheek, your nose and finally your lips — it’s practically routine now and he’s never broken it ever since the two of you made it official that first night and he finally had to part ways with you reaching curfew.

1K MILESTONE EVENT : CLOSED | NAVI.

[god-is-in-shambles]

- Welcome! -

This is a vent/recovery blog, on here I will talk about many different topics and several different parts of my mental health. Because of the contents I will be sharing please continue with caution and discretion.

Please be 16+ if you are interacting with this blog, I don't want anyone younger interacting. I will talk about some sexual stuff as I'm grown enough to have experienced these things so if that makes you uncomfortable, block don't report. I'm not formally diagnosed with anything but I do have some intense trauma that heavily affects my mental health.

If you want to read poems by me follow my other blog @shitty-poetry-by-me

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-Asking questions

-Commenting on posts

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-Playful flirting

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DNI: Racist, homophobic, transphobic, pro-ano, MAPs,

[imnotgoinganywhereok]

Happy Sim-post Monday, everyone!! It feels good to be able to breathe and smell through my nose properly. I still have small coughing fits but other than that it’s been splendid!! Mega weird to be sick twice these past two months but I guess that’s Autumn for you... My students (or pupils) are gonna have tests this week, I’m sure they’re very happy about me coming back for that. The school stuff never stops...

[I had a paragraph about my job here but it became an embarrassingly long vent... so if you wanna see it, read it under the cut]

So, about the Owls now!! My fun with university is still here; I really was sleeping on the dormitory system, I love the uni life here (even if romanticised - I guess it’s not as cool IRL). Sure, doing projects and attending classes gets repetitive but it’s because studying just looks like that - between the classes is where the fun hides!! Darby’s Den is a pretty sweet spot for spending the entire day in, even after the classes. It’s very close, has a cafeteria if the Sims are hungry, and a library-like part if they wanna have late study sessions with other students. It’s mega cool!! I really adored how this Commons was built but - just like with the housing - I also renovated it a bit (gave it a bit of a personal touch, I suppose). Since poetry events are held there, I also made a very small place where Sims can sit and listen - of course, they prefer standing.

And this is how the trio spent their second semester. Nothing too special beside me discovering new features of the DLC and the sisters taking up new hobbies and making friends. Socialising really is fun, especially when some roommates stay for longer. Family members like to come over, even from other cities - which might be a lil weird, especially if they don’t have too high a relationship with each other. By the way, earning money by delivering lectures is not worth it in the long run (takes lots of time, gives back little money), but it’s a way to pass time too. Debora certainly likes to teach about Fitness to get others into it. Gizela reads poems in her spare time - not surprising, considering her love for Writing. Blanka still tries to get her first win at a ping-pong game.

Speaking of school stuff!! No, we’re not talking about the Owls yet, hold on. You can skip this paragraph no problem. I need to talk about this - even if it means I’m writing for myself. I just wanna say that I had a revision with my students and the state of Polish education is baffling. This is nothing new for us Polish folk but the thing is that many people really are becoming dumber and dumber. They’re in high school, first graders. We were revising Present Perfect. You could never tell me a person who knows this tense since elementary school (if not since kindergarden) could possibly say stuff like “Oh, the prompt says ‘to be,’ it turns into ‘didn’t were,’ right? ‘My parents didn’t were home last night?’” BECAUSE I WOULD NEVER BELIEVE YOU. But this happened in front of me!! How??? I absolutely understand the mental limits many students can have that can hold them down (my father has troubles learning languages too - because his brain just is like that, and that’s natural) but this is next level!! The sheer oblivious audacity when they hope I’m just gonna... what, surgically put knowledge in their brains without their own input? Crazy!! I was never like this and I can’t comprehend what’s going on nowadays. Another group, second grade. They had to write a short (200 words) informal letter. They were mostly good, I dare to say fantastic! But... See, I don’t have a problem with students with dyslexia, dysgraphia, and other dys-orders: you need a bigger font? Let me change that for you. More time to write? Be my guest. There’s too many exercises with writing and I should swap them for a simpler one? No problem, minister of education. But if you dare say “Why did you suggest I should work on my spelling if I have dyslexia?,” I think you’re gravely mistaken about the reason you are in school, or have the info about your dyslexia in the first place. This is not your golden ticket so you can never bother to spell words properly, and there’s no reason for you not to at least attempt to work on it and improve yourself - even for your own sake. Ehh, y’all would NEVER know how fucked your education system is until you WORK in this environment and see it for yourself. Makes me wanna punch walls and bite everyone who let this happen, not gonna lie :^(

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

(Sorry about this folks. I made this WAY too long, and I’m not sure I ever made the point I wanted to. But it was good to vent…)

Every week I go to the mail box and pull out something so embarrassing I try to hide it. I hesitate to even mention it here….

People magazine.

No one in my family EVER subscribed to it or even picked up a copy to thumb through before it started showing up in our mailbox. See, my family subscribed to Entertainment Weekly, and when it folded as a print mag they transferred our sub to this thing. I tried hard to cancel it, but maybe since it’s in my late father’s name they never would. Worse, thanks to miscommunication between my parents the subscription kept getting extended so far ahead I’ve still got years to go!

To say the magazine is not for me is an understatement. It’s mostly about celebrities, the bulk of which I’ve never even heard of, is gossipy self promotion. This is mixed with true crime, which I LOATH, and weepy/inspirational tales of folks with dread diseases or injuries overcoming the odds or whatever. The rest is promotion of shallow consumerist desires, telling you what clothes, makeup, accessories, etc you simply must buy ($250 jeans, anyone?) There are recipes that I look at buy never feel tempted to make (sometimes “they don’t sell that ingredient here” being a factor) and simple puzzles (featuring celebrities, of course).

I do NOT care about famous people! I have NEVER cared about famous people. I never know anything about even the ones whose work I’ve loved.

Like, I’ve seen most the movies Daniel Day Lewis has done. I have no idea if he is or has been married or if he has children, and the single thing I know bout his personal life is that his father was a famous poet. Since I generally hate poetry, that last bit I’m not too sure about. And the fact is I don’t care. I like his acting and have enjoyed most the movies he’s been in. That’s what matters to me.

I wonder if part if my not caring is growing up with so much “old” stuff. Old movies. Old books. Old music. I grew up enjoying as much stuff from before my parents’ time as from my own. The dirt about creators from the past isn’t in your face, and even if you dig it can be patchy at best.

Take Shakespeare. Some people can’t even accept Shakespeare wrote his own plays, so gossip about his personal life is a bit thin on the ground. We can know who he married and the children from that marriage, but we don’t really know if or who with he might have had affairs or illegitimate kids. We don’t know if he wore the latest fashions or his favorite food or if he got into a fight in a pub over a game or if he got drunk before one of the performances of Hamlet and was sleeping it off backstage or any of the other stuff something like People magazine might write about.

This is because it was hundreds of years ago, before cameras and microphones and the full on industrialization of real time gossip. Sure people might joke about the foibles of the guy writing plays over at The Globe or what ol’ Willie got up to in the tavern last Tuesday, but most would be forgotten just as quickly as anecdotes about your own great, great, great grandpa. Historians may have ferreted out a letter here or a journal with tidbits, but they are just the ones that got written down and survived, including going through periods and people that had a vested interest in some version of the truth and might have tried to purge other versions.

Basically, while we may “know” all the sins of the modern celebrity, we tend to know very, very few, and often without any reliability, those from before about the 20th century.

And even to find out what the creators of previous generations got up to you have to out in effort. Who has time?

So for me, generally, the creations and the creator are separate things. I hear a song, see a movie or painting , read a book or comic, and I like it or don’t like it (or often a mix of the two). I take from it what I enjoy, agree or disagree, find beauty or horror, and see something of myself or the world in it. The who that made this thing matters little more to me than who made a sunset or a flower.

But, of course, this starts getting more complicated when we are talking about living, breathing, creators. We all know some of the examples, whether it’s a creator of a beloved bit of your childhood or a writer whose works were among your absolute favorites.

Here we all make our choices. For some it’s complete expulsion of the creator’s work, treated as utterly taboo. For others it’s okay to love old work, just nothing new. Some it’s okay as long as the creator doesn’t profit. For some it’s just ignore the problem entirely.

I must admit that for me it has usually been very simple. I could just separate the creation for the creator.

Knowing little about creators’ personal lives helps. I’m the last person to hear about what they have been up too. And if the creation is the product of many people I can’t see writing off the whole thing or one person. Plus, usually, if a creator has been revealed to be horrible I’ve been lucky enough that their best work was behind them or they have been shunned by their industry so much there is nothing much to decide about in the future (ex. Joss Whedon)

Until now.

You have probably seen, or will soon be seeing, some seriously disturbing accusations about someone quite beloved in these parts. And I will be honest, their writing has always been beloved by me too. Checking his bibliography, since apparently 1988. You spend over thirty years loving someone’s writing, some of them speaking to you on a deeply personal level, and it’s going to throw you.

Until now I have known little about his personal life except what he offered up, and that had always been fine. Like with other creators I was never interested in his actual life. But despite not seeking it out, this has been too big to miss. Now I know, and face more serious emotional implications…and choices.

This creator was still very actively creating. Adaptations of his work were being eagerly anticipated by me, including the final part of a story he co-created and was finally finishing. His work was not only far from being in the past, it was in the “can’t wait!” category.

And now…

I don’t know. Will the shows be finished? Even if they are, will be able to see them with the same eyes I would have before? And that’s even with the best case scenario of his defense of his actions being true, since they are are hardly glowing. If the worst happens and the allegations prove true, can I in good conscious continue to allow him to profit from me?

And then there is the past work being tainted

Next month there is a little comic convention I go to, and I had planned to wear one of my thirty year old t-shirts from one of his most popular creations. I think I can separate the man from the comic, as took from it from myself as what he put into it. It’s woven deep into my heart after more than thirty years, rooted in deep. But to wear that shirt in public now might might be seen as making a statement about his situation or taken as an invitation to discuss it. The little ol’ t-shirt will have too much weight attached for wearing on a hot summer day.

Now I have never been one for heroes. Since I was very little, for some reason, I always seemed to realize that the famous were just people. People I didn’t know at that. And as I grew older I even realized that the versions of famous people we know are performances or creations, at best a facet of the person and at worst a lie. So in theory I shouldn’t be at all concerned about the true nature of the famous.

And yet I still find myself disappointed when someone whose work I’ve enjoyed says or does something I find repellent. I sometimes foolishly start to respect things about people, only to have revelations make me question if I should have. I always hope for so much better.

Also there is grief for all that is lost, the things that they could have done if they hadn’t sabotaged themselves. All those creations I will never get to see, the things that might have been….

But this time I’m angry too. Because, damn it, now I have to figure out something else to wear to that convention!