#I don’t know how to explain I’d just like recommendations for games with job systems

[quibbs126]

Also I cannot express how much I love job systems in games, does anyone know any good games with versatile job systems? The most I know is Final Fantasy, Octopath Traveler, Fantasy Life and I suppose Fire Emblem

Oh and I guess Miitopia as well

[chouhatsumimi]

Hi! I am trying to become a japanese to English (& vice versa) translator. I can't find any sources to check the English to Japanese translation. It is difficult to get which grammar must be used since I am not a japanese native and don't know any natives to ask either. I have studied till N2 level but have no experience and must start freelancing to get experience so I need to figure out how to translate on my own. I can only use free translation software but I am not sure about it's reliability. I have seen questionable translations when it's for Japanese to English. Do think you can give any suggestions or anything that might be helpful?

Hi! I did put in a little time searching for the kind of tools you might have had in mind.

It seems that there are many that function in the exact same way but have different interfaces. Here are two of them. Many others can be found by searching "日本語文章校正ツール" or similar keywords. https://dw230.jp/kousei/

https://so-zou.jp/web-app/text/proofreading/

While they can point out some things to look out for, from the testing I did with them, they overlooked some pretty obvious errors, while also catching some things that I couldn't figure out why it thought it was wrong/sounded bad, or how to fix it.

There was one more I found that I didn't try, because it involves downloading software. This page explains the software, and another page on the site offers the download. The webpage is sponsored by a university, so I think it's safe to assume its trustworthy, but it might be a hassle and I can't say for sure if it works.

https://www.pawel.jp/outline_of_tools/tomarigi/

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That said, it's most common for translators to work from one language INTO their native language. While interpreters often have to go both directions (J <--> E), translators typically work either (J -> E) [English native speakers] OR (E -> J) [Japanese native speakers]. If you grew up bilingual, maybe you can translate both ways. But if English is your native language and you learned Japanese as a second language (which is true of my situation), it's pretty much not going to be worth bothering to do E->J translation, unless there are extenuating circumstances. The reasons for this are 1) You can't be sure that the translation you produce reads smoothly or is error-free 2) While you might think, but yes, if I do a really thorough check and compare it against native Japanese examples, I can be pretty darn sure it's perfect, the amount of time it takes you to do that is not going to be cost-effective. Like anything else, people purchasing translation as a service usually want the end result to be done well, in a timely manner, and as cheaply as possible, so it doesn't make sense to hire you for E -> J when they could hire a native Japanese speaking translator, or send their work to an agency to find that translator for them.

If you ARE translating into Japanese and are not a native speaker of Japanese, it is a good idea to have a fellow translator who has the opposite native language you do (in this case Japanese & English), and ask them to check it over for you (which, considering that's part of their job, you'd probably pay a small fee for). They could do the same to have you proofread their translations into English. Some translators consult friends/spouses, etc., but I think this can get old for them sometimes, so it's advisable not to rely on them for your job. You mentioned not having any native speakers to ask right now, but this is still an idea you can file away for in the future when you meet more people and get to know other translators.

In short, if you're aiming to become a translator working with Japanese but are not a native Japanese speaker, don't worry about translating into Japanese. Just focus on translating from Japanese into your native language.

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Translation software: let me make a distinction here between "machine translation" and "CAT [computer aided translation] tools".

Machine translation is Google Translate, DeepL, anything like that. There are times when they work well, but particularly with a language like Japanese that likes to imply a lot of information instead of stating it directly (such as who is doing the action described in the sentence), they're pretty much always going to miss something. In any situation that someone is looking to pay a translator to do work, it's because they already know machine translation won't cut it. One thing that's becoming more common is MTPE (machine translation post editing), where a translator "fixes" what's wrong with a machine translation (or more often than not, just re-translates it from scratch because what the machine came up with is mostly useless).

CAT tools, on the other hand, are widely used by translators. Paid CAT tools such as Trados, MemoQ, Memsource, etc. can be very expensive, and are often provided by a translation agency to their translators. (Also, most of them require a PC operating system.) There's more I could say, but since I haven't been in any situations that require them, I don't have any personal experience. I do have experience using OmegaT (free, works on Mac) and Felix (free, I use it on Windows). They both take a little tinkering to figure out how to use effectively, but basically what they do is, once you've translated a segment of text, they store the original segment and the translated segment, and for each new segment you go to translate, the CAT tool compares it to segments that you've previously translated to see if you can re-use any of what you came up with before. They can also have a built-in dictionary function, but that's basically just having your typical web-based dictionary but more automatically and in a more convenient location.

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For going into freelancing, I have a few recommendations.

Apart from CAT tools, some resources that I refer to frequently are http://nihongo.monash.edu/cgi-bin/wwwjdic?9T (basically looks up all the words in a sentence at once), http://thejadednetwork.com/sfx/ (if you're doing anything with sound effects, like manga), https://tsukubawebcorpus.jp//search/ (this is a corpus, I have another post on how to use it -here-, it's probably going to be your best bet when it comes to checking grammar), https://books.google.com/ngrams (for when it comes to figuring out what turns of phrase are commonly used in English), and https://yomikatawa.com/ (for figuring out the readings of names in Japanese, though there are other sites that work similarly).

When it comes to practicing, contests are a good place to start. The two I know of now are run by JAT in October (https://jat.org/events/contests) and JLPP deadline of 7/31 (and they're long, so it's probably too late for this year unless you're free between now and then: https://www.jlpp.go.jp/en/competition6/competition6en.html ) You can also practicing doing translations for fun. Any kind of media you enjoy (manga, video games, variety shows, newspaper articles) is a good target for doing a practice translation. Just be wary that it's not a good idea to post your translation in a public location on the internet, because it could be infringing copyright/licensing agreements, etc. Finally, there are websites like Gengo, Conyac, Fiverr and others where you can do gig translation work. They can be useful for practice, but also have the pitfall of paying, like, 5% of the rate you should be getting. This is an ongoing debate because on one hand, you can get practice while still getting a little money for it, but on the other hand, if customers can get people to do that work for 5% of a livable wage, that makes it harder for aspiring and working translators to find enough work that pays well enough to support themselves doing only translation for a living. Entertainment (primarily manga) scanlation groups also a significant enough force to merit a mention here- many aspiring entertainment translators find themselves a part of such a group. Practice is practice and developing your skills is important, but they also have many many of the same problems associated with them as I mentioned above, namely infringing on copyright and contributing to the inability of anyone to turn entertainment translation into a livable full-time job.

Another recommendation I have is to join some J/E translation-focused groups. This page lists a number of them: https://shinpaideshou.com/translation/ I can personally vouch for JAT as I am a member and I got my current job by being part of their directory. They run an online training program (eJuku) once a year around April, and applications only stay open for a few days, so if you're interested make sure you keep your eye out. Another one not listed on that page is https://swet.jp/ which is not entirely about translation, but it is heavily related and they host some good events. Twitter is also a very good place to be if you're getting into J/E translation. I prefer to keep my tumblr and twitter separate but if you DM me, I can give you my handle so you can see who I follow and who among that seems worth following to you.

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In closing, I see you say "I have studied till N2 level but have no experience and must start freelancing to get experience so I need to figure out how to translate on my own." I'd say, give yourself some time. Even at N1 there's still going to be a lot you don't understand (or at least there was for me, that's why I started this langblr). I'm sure there are differences in our situations, but it was about five years ago for me that I started diving into translation- I think I was between N2 and N1 then. I've done a lot of translating and gotten a lot of experience since then, but I also have and am experiencing a lot of burnout. (In fact, I'm procrastinating right now by answering this....) Many translators have a job and translate on the side, and it's also common to gain experience with a company or agency before diving into supporting yourself on freelance work. I'd encourage you to take a breath, get experience when and where you can, and remember that if you keep at it long enough, you're sure to get there- just don't wear yourself out or worry to death in the meantime!

OH and definitely keep track of what projects you do, how long they are, and how long it takes you to do them! Knowing your speed is important when it comes to setting your working rates. I am always doubting these, and they differ from person to person, but my current estimates are that I can do 600 moji (Japanese characters) per hour, ~10 min. of audio per hour, and I try to aim for $45~$60 per hour. Generally the lowest acceptable standard rates are $0.05-$0.06 per moji and ~$5 per page of manga. You'll definitely get requests lower than that, so remember your sanity and don't be afraid to say no, there are plenty of opportunities out there!

[lizzy-frizzle]

I’m going to start this by saying, I have bias. Everyone does. I do not intend for this to come off as “the thing you like is bad”, but moreso “the corporation that controls the thing you like is manipulative”.

My background; I am a 26 year old trans mom, I have a history with addiction, particularly gambling, and spend most of my time playing video games. I have gone to college for about 3 years for my psychology degree, and while I do not have my degree, I have been studying psychology for roughly 12 years. This is to say, my views will reflect this background. Just because I present this information like I do, does not inherently mean I’m right, though it also doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Try to view things with a critical mind, and know that most topics have nuance.

Ok, so lootboxes, booster packs, gacha games, all of these are gambling. This is not really an argument. You are putting money into a service of sorts, and receiving a randomized result. Be that a fancy new gun, that same boring legendary you have 5 of, or that final hero you’ve been trying to collect. You don’t know the outcome before you give your money. As defined by the merriam-webster dictionary: “Gambling; the practice of risking money or other stakes in a game or bet”

You are risking your money in not getting an item you want. There are ways this is handled acceptably, and ways this is handled poorly. Gambling is also illegal to people under 21 in a lot of places, but places online aren’t quick to tell you why. I don’t have any sources because every source requires a paywall to get any information, but pulling from my own personal experience and what I learned in college, it’s because children are very impressionable. I say “I like pokemon” and suddenly my 2-year old can’t go anywhere without her pikachu. I remember distinctly playing poker with my mom and her friends when I was 12. When you normalize gambling, what it does is lower the risk aversion of gambling. You are less likely to see a threat in playing that card game, because when you are that young you have no concept of money. You don’t know what a dollar is, so why not throw it away so you can have fun. This is...I hesitate to call it fine, but it’s mostly harmless. The issue is with children and their lack of knowledge of money. When I grew up and got a job, it’s a lot harder to tell my brain, “hey, don’t spend that money, you won’t get it back and you won’t get what you want.” Because my brain just acknowledges the potential for what I want. I want to buy the booster pack so I can have the potential to get that masterpiece misty rainforest. I want to buy that diamond pack so I have the chance to get the cute hero. I want to buy that lootbox so I can get the battle rifle that does a cool effect. These are harmless concepts, but very dangerous.

Make no mistake, companies know how psychology works, and will use it to their advantage. MatPat from game theory states that companies have even go so far as to have systems in place that change the odds as you’re losing, and monitor your skill level to put you up against harder opponents, to see the better weapons and go, “Oh I want that!” and entice you to buy more lootboxes. As it turns out I found an article covering what he was talking about, Activision had actually acquired a patent to arrange matchmaking to do just that [x], and the article says it’s not in place, but my trust in companies is not high enough to actually believe them.(honestly, matpat made a 2-part video series about lootboxes, and I’d recommend watching them)

So, companies are trying to manipulate you to buy more gambling products. There’s proof of it. It’s also more blatantly obvious in games like Magic the Gathering, where they release fancier versions of cards at rarer probabilities. To better explain it, from a collector’s standpoint, you want the fancy card cause it has value, it has value because it’s rare, rarer than the other versions, so if you’re on the lower end of the income ladder you buy a pack, or two. After all, you could get lucky and get it. On the higher end of the income ladder, you buy the card outright and hoard it. Maybe sell it off later if you notice the price goes down. From a player perspective, you see a card is being used by tournament players, you want to win more games, so you want those cards, which encourages you to buy products and try to get those cards. That’s predatory behavior. It’s predatory from the company’s perspective because that poor person might not be able to afford the card outright, but $5-$10 isn’t much, plus they always entice you with that Chance. They also further this desire for the cards by making it limited runs, such as the secret lair packs, if there’s a low amount purchased and it’s made to order, or worse, if they limit the order capabilities themselves, that drives up the value, and provides further incentive to buy the cards and packs. This not only creates an impossible barrier between the poor and the rich, but also heavily encourages people buy their gambling pack than people would have in other conditions.

For the record, I love magic the gathering, I’m not saying the game itself is bad, this is just a VERY predatory marketing tactic.

Let’s switch gears. Gacha games. I play AFKArena, because like I said, I have a gambling addiction and cannot stop myself. In AFKArena, you collect heroes, and battle with them in various ways. If you collect more of similar heroes you can rank them up. If I’m to believe what I’ve heard, it sounds like this is pretty common for gacha games. So what makes it bad. In AFKArena you use diamonds to summon heroes, now, you can acquire diamonds by beating specific story chapters, logging in every day, random limited time events, or paying for them with real money. AFKArena hero drops don’t seem that bad compared to the free diamond amount they dish out, which has resulted in me not spending all that much money on it, all things considered ($20 over 2 years). I believe that for a mobile game like this, that’s fair. I get way more enjoyment out of the game than I do most $60 games, so it balances out. However, this isn’t the case for every gacha game, and my trust in companies, as previously stated, is very low. The issue lies in them making the rates for good heroes so low that you HAVE to spend money on the game to really get over a roadblock of sorts. I do think that there is this issue in my game and I just didn’t notice it, someone with a lower tolerance or patience might absolutely have the incentive to drop hundreds of dollars on the game over a month. There are people of all different flavours, and it’s important to keep that in mind when discussing these topics, just because a marketing technique doesn’t work on you, does not mean it doesn’t work on anyone. After all, they have those $100 packs for a reason, you might not be that reason but someone is. That’s predatory.

I feel like I’ve gotten off track, let’s get back on the rails. Where was...gambling...predatory…ah, kids. So my biggest issue, is that Magic the Gathering is marketed towards 13 year olds. Not directly, but the packs say 13+. AFKArena and any mobile game for that matter, can be downloaded by anyone with a phone for free, with minimal mention that there’s microtransactions. AAA title games like Destiny 2, Overwatch, Fortnite, etc. are probably the worst offenders. A kid spent $16,000 of his parents money on fortnite in-game purchases, and that’s not the only time this has happened [x] [x] . More often than not, what happens is, the kid wants to play a video game, like halo on xbox, or destiny, or something, they ask their mom for their credit card, and the system saves it. I mentioned before that kids do not have a concept of money or its value, so giving kids unlimited access to the credit card is going to result in this kind of thing happening. I’m not blaming the parents for not being hypervigilant, sometimes you are really busy, or disabled, or whatever the reason, and you don’t notice the system just saved your card. I’m not blaming the kids cause their brains are literally underdeveloped. I blame the corporations, because they make the process as easy as possible to prey on kids and people with gambling addictions. (as a personal anecdote, I found that if I want a magic card in MtG:O, I’m way less likely to try and buy it if I have to get up and get my card, I’d recommend not saving your card if you suffer from gambling/addiction problems)

So after all of this evidence, how can anyone still view these things as anything but predatory? The answer is simple. You’re told they aren’t. Businesses spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on really good marketing, and public relations. I tried to google why gambling is illegal for people under 21, and got nothing, I got a couple forums asking the question, and a couple religious sites saying it’ll make them degenerates. I try looking up sources to prove the psychology behind these concepts, but they are locked behind paywall after paywall after paywall. Businesses and capitalism has made it so incredibly hard to discover the truth and get information you need, and it’s on purpose. They want you to trust that that booster pack is a good idea. They want you to spend money on lootboxes (look at all the youtubers that shill out for raid shadow legends, or other gambling games to their super young fanbase [x]). They want you to lower your guard and go, “well, it’s a video game, how can it be predatory?” “it’s a card game with cute creatures on it, surely it’s not that bad”

But it is. So why did I make this post? I dunno, my brain really latched onto the topic, I see so many people enjoying gacha games, but I’m worried that it’s going to ruin lives...I just want everyone to be informed and critical of what is going on.

[notajinn]

Top 9 Games Played in 2020: Number 1: Bug Fables

Rising from the ashes of the once-great Paper Mario series comes a game I never expected.

A beautiful little game called Bug Fables.

Where It Excels

Bug Fables is thoroughly inspired by the first two Paper Mario games, and it shows. It uses a similar battle system, a Medal system similar to Badges, and even similar paper-like aesthetics. It would be easy to just say "wow, what a ripoff" and brush it aside.

But this is not a copy-paste of Paper Mario. This is clearly designed with love for those games, and for the people who enjoyed them. This is a game that says "yes Paper Mario was good, but how could it be improved?"

So let's talk about what it does differently (and arguably better) instead.

The story does not have the history of the Mario series to build on, so Bug Fables relies on having to be an interesting self-contained world. It does a good job providing lore as you move forward through the early story, and you can find optional Lore Books that give background into things like why some bugs evolved into intelligent beings, and the past conflicts between different groups. As someone who does not like most bugs in-person, they did a good job getting me invested. The tone is often lighthearted, but able to become serious when needed. The world feels more grounded than Mario, so there's a greater sense of danger during darker plot points.

I loved all three main characters (Kabbu the Beetle, Vi the Bee, and Leif the Moth) by the end, though some take longer to become interesting than others. Each of them feels well fleshed out, and get at least one important backstory sidequest.

And while it initially appears to follow the Paper Mario structure of "find the special items in episodic adventures, then go fight the final boss", it actually feels more like a traditional RPG because the story evolves over time.

In battle, you have three full party members. Each of them have their own HP and specials, and can equip individual Medals. You can change the formation of battle to decide who is in the front (more damage but more aggro) or back (less aggro but normal damage). Importantly you can also pass a turn to another party member, which depending on the enemies and formations may be your best option. For example if you have a bunch of flying enemies, you can just pass an extra turn to Vi so she can continue grounding them. There are certain enemy types that can only be reached by certain character's regular attacks, but you can often use a Special to overcome a lack of reach at the cost of SP. There are even combination attacks that take multiple characters' turns in order to deliver especially devastating specials.Each attack and special also have a unique action command that lets you make them better with good button inputs.

Medals are your equipment replacement, and can give you new active or passive abilities, or just raise your stats. However unlike Paper Mario, most the especially powerful Medals (like boosting your attack) are offset with a weakness (lowering your defense). This means you need more strategy than "I'll just equip this attack-boosting Medal." I'd argue there's less active ability Medals in Bug Fables than Paper Mario, but the greater strategy to the passive abilities makes up for it. There’s even strange setups like giving yourself poison but having +1 defense.

There are two EXTREMELY important Medals that Bug Fables copies from Paper Mario, but in a better way. One immediately defeats weak enemies on the field when you touch them. The other prevents enemies from getting a first strike on you. And Bug Fables gives you both of these extremely early with low MP cost. These make backtracking significantly less frustrating. The backtracking was one of the worse parts of the Paper Mario games, so I appreciate this. You also still get a fast movement option after a few chapters.

Quests are very well organized. You'll find a quest board in every town, and can take as many quests at once as you want. There's a quest log in your menu to keep track of them, and it updates as you go through steps of multi-step ones. And often a quest-important NPC will have an exclamation over their head to make them easier to spot. A lot of them have fun interactions and situations, so they’re definitely worth doing. Only one is a particularly long fetch quest with item trading, but it feels like a purposeful parody.

A lot of strengths in this game come from convenience. For example, you can fast travel between towns almost as soon as you unlock a new town. And you have two-item cooking unlocked from very early-game. These were things that felt unnecessarily gated in Paper Mario. Every party member can also scan the enemy to get stats and provide some information, whereas Paper Mario restricted it to one partner. As a bonus, this means you get three unique pieces of dialogue for every enemy depending on who you have initiate the scan.

Dungeons and their puzzles feel much more involved. There is less emphasis on platforming, and more on using your characters abilities like creating ice blocks. It's a step closer to a Zelda dungeon, which is appreciated. Save stones are well-paced enough to not make exploring feel to daunting either.

In terms of design and sound, it's strong for an indie title. They can't quite compare to a big publisher like Nintendo, but the world and characters look pretty good. And there's at least a few songs I still have stuck in my head.

The game also feels much harder than Paper Mario, which is good because I felt those games were too easy. It can be rough early on when you're learning, but fun once you get the hang of it. The game never gets to a point where you just steamroll everything either, so you'll have to continue paying attention for the whole game. I know some people like to overpower enemies, but I think that gets boring.

Where It Falls Short

While I don't like steamrolling enemies, I do like a sense of progression. And Bug Fables has that in many forms, like levels, and field abilities.

But at no point in the story do your standard attacks do more damage. Paper Mario would give you upgraded boots and hammers and you progress for more damage, but you'll keep hitting for your normal 2 damage here outside of Medals or an optional expensive upgrade. I know that in-universe it may have been weird to explain why Kabbu's horn is suddenly stronger, but they managed to give reasons for Vi not to fly despite being a bee for a long time.

There's also a dungeon puzzle near the end of the game that I found annoying. The solution to one section was actually to defeat a particular enemy. Given I was avoiding enemies at this point looking for a puzzle solution, this took longer than I'd like to admit.

You can also optionally get a fourth sort-of-party member, which I only learned about by accident when looking up Medal strategies. However it is not from an official sidequest that appears on the board, and I honestly missed any hints towards it. I was expecting them to show up in the late-game, but as I was getting ready for the final chapter I still didn't have them. Only when I specifically looked up what to do was I able to find them. I don't mind optional party members, but you need a little more guidance than what Bug Fables provided.

My final complaint may be strange, but...the game does not have a cliffhanger ending. It's a self-contained story that resolves everything important. Which means I don't think they can easily get another game out of this. But I'd love to see another similar game by this team.

Maybe if they do a time-skip and follow a different set of characters, it could potentially work.

Final Thoughts

Bug Fables is yet another indie title that proves you don't need to be a big studio to make an incredible game.

If you like classic Paper Mario, or just fun RPGs, I highly recommend giving it a shot.

[huttons]

Never Really Was Enough, Pt. I

word count: 4.3k

summary:  When Eva moves to Raleigh, it wasn't a happy occasion. She needed to get away from her family and moving across the country was the quickest way for her to accomplish that. As she finds her place in Raleigh, she finds a new family with people she never expected to (especially with a certain red-headed hockey player).

warnings: talk of past dealings with homophobia, off-screen character death

author’s note: this was written as part of @fandomtrumpshate​ 2020! I was lucky enough to write this for @antoineroussel​ <3 

ao3 link

~ ~ ~

“How do we forgive ourselves for all the things we did not become?”

The day Eva packs up and moves to Raleigh isn’t a happy one. Despite having the chance to start an amazing new job, and the chance to start over, she’s bitter about having to do it. The thought of having to make a new start without a support network is terrifying. But if it means that Eva can have a fresh new start, then so be it.

As Eva puts the last box into the U-Haul, she sighs. Moving across the country isn’t exactly how she had planned on getting away from her family, but she also didn’t think that she would be leaving so soon, either. It was a stroke of luck that she had been hired in North Carolina, and it was even better that she had found an apartment she could afford to live in.

Once she starts the long drive, there’s no heartfelt good-byes, and nobody to send her off. Eva has to remind herself that Lucas is long gone now and there’s nothing holding her back anymore. So, she begins what will likely turn into a week-long trip to Raleigh. It’s mostly a mindless drive, with only a few wrong turns. The days blur into each other, and she only stops for gas, food, and the chance to sleep.

By the time she pulls up to her new apartment complex, she feels exhausted and groans at the thought of having to unpack everything by herself. She drags herself to the front office to get checked in. It’s a smooth process, and once she gets the keys, Eva is hoping it doesn’t take all night to get everything moved up to her apartment.

“Hey, are you new here?” someone asks.

Eva turns and there’s a woman, about her age and blonde hair that glows in the sunlight walking over to the U-Haul.

“Yeah, just got in obviously,” Eva answers with a tired smile. “I’m Eva.”

“Samantha, but everyone calls me Sammy,” she introduces. “Are you here by yourself?”

“Yep, it’s just me,” Eva replies. “I couldn’t afford to hire any help, and my family couldn’t make it out, so it’s just me.”

“Ah, so you moved from far away?”

“Across the country,” Eva answers. “I came from Portland. The one in Oregon.”

“Damn, that’s a long-ass drive,” Sammy jokes. “But I think you’ll like it here. The neighbors are good, for the most part.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“I’m guessing this will take you a while, so I should be able to help you once I pick up my boyfriend from the auto shop.”

“Oh, you don’t have to help.”

Sammy snorts. “Please, you’re going to be here for ages. It’ll be no big deal at all. There aren’t a lot of people our age here, so it won’t be too much of a hassle to help out.”

“Well, if it’s not a big deal, then sure, I’d appreciate the help,” Eva replies with a soft smile. “I live in 417 if I’m not down by the truck.”

“See you then, Eva.”

Once Sammy leaves, Eva looks back to everything she has to unpack. She’s thankful that she doesn’t have a bed or couch to worry about, but Eva isn’t happy about having to sleep on the floor until the bed she ordered comes in. Without the help from her family, though, there was no way she was going to be able to get a bed or a couch into the moving vehicle.

Eva loses track of time, and by the time Sammy and her boyfriend, Patrick, come by to help, it’s late afternoon. They don’t talk much, but the silence is easy, which Eva is unfamiliar with. It’s been a long time since she felt comfortable not feeling like she had to fill the quietness. By the time dinner time rolls around, they finally have everything in Eva’s apartment.

“Are you going to want help unpacking things?” Sammy asks.

“Nah, this was already so much help. I probably would have spent the rest of the night bringing things up here,” Eva answers. “But thank you again, I really appreciate this.”

“We couldn’t not help someone moving in by themselves,” Patrick says. “It’s a big step, what you did. I don’t think I could ever move across the country by myself.”

Eva shrugs. “If you have to do it, then you manage.”

Both Sammy and Patrick don’t ask for more details, which Eva is grateful for. She’s not really sure if she feels comfortable talking about how she ended up here quite yet.

“So, are you really going to be fine sleeping on the floor?” Patrick asks, a little bit of worry in his voice. “I’m sure we could find something more comfortable for you.”

“Yeah, it’s only for a couple of nights until the delivery comes in,” Eva replies. “I just wasn’t sure when I would be getting here, so I guess I’ll just have to suffer for getting here early.”

Sammy snorts. “Alright, well, if you ever need company, we’re just one floor up. And you know what, give me your number so I can text you good places for takeout. I’m sure that you won’t want to be cooking for the next few days.”

“Oh, thank you, that would be nice,” Eva replies, who was planning on just living off of pizza for the next day or two. “I honestly don’t even know what there’s to do here since I just moved out here for work, so honestly, I’ll take any recommendations you have.”

Once Sammy and Patrick leave, Eva has a new contact in her phone and a list of places to check out around Raleigh. It’s a comfort knowing that she already has people willing to help her out here. She isn’t sure how well she’ll click with people at work and the thought of randomly introducing herself to her other neighbors isn’t an appealing idea.

The following week is a hectic one, with Eva trying to get her apartment to feel like a home and making sure that she’s ready to start work. She meets up with Sammy and Patrick again for dinner one night at their apartment to take a break from unpacking all of her boxes. It wasn’t until she moved that she realized how much stuff she accumulated.

“So, what do you two do for work?” Eva inquires.

“I work in the front office for the Canes,” Sammy answers. “And Patrick here is a kindergarten teacher, which is why you see glitter everywhere.”

“That was one time,” Patrick protests. “It’s not my fault it never disappears.”

Sammy snorts. “Yeah, it was a mistake he’s thankfully only made once.”

“Uh, not to sound dumb, but am I supposed to know who the Canes are?” Eva asks, a little nervous. “Are they like…a big company or something?”

“Oh, they’re the NHL team here,” Sammy replies. “I keep forgetting not everyone keeps up with hockey.”

“Well…I guess I’m going to have to start watching it if I’m going to be friends with the two of you,” Eva says. “I’ve only watched one game and that was because it was on at a sports bar my brother and I were at.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal,” Sammy says. “Hockey is fun, but it can be kind of messy sometimes. And I hardly understand it despite working there for a couple years now.”

Eva smiles softly. “Well, in that case, I feel a bit better about not knowing anything.”

“So, what brought you all the way across the country? I don’t think we ever asked,” Patrick inquires. “You don’t have to share if you don’t want to, though.”

“I found a good computer engineering job out this way for a small tech company. My other job just wasn’t cutting it,” Eva explains. “And it was time to get away from the family. Things were…not great, to put things lightly. Turns out they weren’t okay with me being bi.”

“We’re glad to have you here then,” Sammy says decisively. “Family can be shit sometimes, and I’m glad that you’ve been able to get away from them.”

Eva smiles sadly. “Thank you. I don’t think it’s really settled in yet, but I’m proud of myself.”

“You deserve to be proud,” Sammy says. “Now, let’s talk about happier things.”

The rest of the night passes easily and Eva can tell that she’s going to really like Sammy and Patrick. They’re good people and take her coming out with ease. She forgot that plenty of people don’t care about her sexuality, but with a minimal support system back home, it was easy to not remember that. By the time Eva leaves that night, her heart feels fuller and happier than it has in a long time.

When Eva gets back to her apartment, she sighs and makes a list of what needs to be accomplished tomorrow. There’s not much left to do, especially since the bed she ordered had come in a few days ago and she had found a decent couch off of craigslist. Her new job starts on the following Monday, which is only four days away now.

To distract herself, Eva decides to finish all the unpacking the following day, then goes shopping for things to decorate with. She sold most of those things before the cross-country drive, not wanting to hold onto any bad memories. Now she has the chance for a fresh start and it makes her feel light.

By the time Monday morning rolls around, she’s extremely nervous. Despite emails saying that people dress casually, Eva decides to go for a more business casual look, wanting to make a good first impression. She does her best to look like she didn’t stay up all night, then makes the drive out to the office.

“You must be Eva!” someone greets cheerily, once Eva walks in the front door.

“Uh, yes, that’s me,” Eva replies, taken aback by their cheery disposition.

“I’m James, and I’ll be helping you settle into the office,” James explains. “I know this is a lot to take in on a Monday, but today and tomorrow will mostly be orientation and HR stuff.”

“I can handle that,” Eva replies.

James proceeds to show Eva where her desk is and let’s her get settled. He gives her login information for her computer, and then lets her work on settling into her space, along with setting things up with HR. The morning passes quickly, then James is treating Eva to lunch, where they end up visiting a local diner.

“They’re open 24/7 and don’t mind if we stay for hours on end in the middle of the night when we’re trying to meet a project deadline,” James explains, when Eva seems a bit confused.

“Sounds like that’s a common experience,” she snorts.

“Don’t want to scare you off, but you wouldn’t be wrong,” James laughs. “How’s it been so far? I know it’s not that exciting, yet.”

Eva shrugs. “Could be worse. It seems like a good place and like there’s good people here. So, I think I can deal with a couple days of boring paperwork.”

“That’s the spirit!” James says happily. “And I promise that this is an amazing place to work. It’s not all that glamourous, especially since we aren’t a big company or anything, but the culture is what makes people stay.”

“Well, that’s good, glad I took a chance on coming out here then.”

The rest of lunch passes easily and Eva proceeds to spend the rest of the day filling out paperwork. Despite the easiness of the day, she feels exhausted by the time she gets back to her apartment. She reheats leftovers, then goes to pass out on her mildly uncomfortable bed.

The summer passes by quicker than Eva can even process. There’s so much to take in and she doesn’t have time to hurt about her family not asking about how she’s doing. It’s mid-August when she’s hanging out with Sammy, while Patrick preps for school to start up again.

“So, how would you feel coming to a company party with me?” Sammy asks, out of the blue. “It’s in a couple of weeks and I want you to come with me. It’d be fun.”

“Shouldn’t you be going with Patrick?” Eva retorts. “The two of you are dating.”

“Yeah, but I always bring him. Besides, I think you would have fun and would get along with everyone,” Sammy explains. “And honestly, Patrick is a bit all over the place this time of year, so I don’t think he’s too keen on going anyways.”

“What’s the vibe like? Is it a stuffy company party where everyone secretly gets drunk to get through the night or one where people actually like each other?”

“People actually enjoy each other there. And it’ll be a barbecue at one of the player’s houses, so it’s a totally chill thing.”

“Oh, well, it’ll be good to meet your coworkers then. I can finally put some names to faces, but I can’t guarantee that I’ll remember anything.”

“Alright, I’ll make sure that you’re on the guest list. Some of the players will be there with their partners, so you’ll have the chance to meet them if you want to.”

“I honestly could not tell you who’s who still, so I probably won’t even know that I met any of them.”

Sammy laughs. “That’ll provide some good chirping material for them.”

“Glad I could be of service,” Eva jokes.

“You’ll fit right in; I promise.”

~ ~ ~

Finally, the day of the barbecue rolls around. It’s still sticky hot, so Eva keeps her outfit simple with a tank top and a pair of shorts. Sammy insisted that the dress code was casual and there’s no need to dress nice. The whole thing is just a chance for everyone to mingle and meet the new people joining the Canes.

Despite still not really knowing any of the players, Sammy tells Eva about a new player that’s coming to the barbecue today. She seems excited to meet whoever the guy is, so Eva tries to remember his name, but forgets it the closer they get to the house where the get-together is being hosted.

Sammy has to park a little bit away, so when the two of them walk up to the house, Eva lets out a small gasp. The house is huge and the backyard looks gigantic. She supposes it has to be, to host an office party. However, it’s still a reminder how lucrative being an athlete and sports management can be.

“It’s fucking ridiculous, isn’t it?” Sammy snorts. “Not that I’m complaining, since it always means good food and alcohol, but still. I’m still honestly not completely used to it and I’ve been coming to these things ever since I started working here.”

“This is…a lot,” Eva comments. “But I’m excited to look around.”

Once they get into the house, Sammy drags Eva out to the backyard and introduces her to a bunch of people. Eva immediately forgets all of their names, but just smiles and nods along. After a little bit however, she decides to split off from the group to go get some food. She lets Sammy know and walks off to the other side of the yard. Once she gets her food, someone walks up to her and introduces himself.

“I don’t think we’ve met yet,” he says. “I’m Dougie.”

“Oh, it’s good to meet you, I’m Eva,” she replies. “I don’t actually work here, I’m with Sammy. I guess that makes you coworkers, right?”

“Um, I think? Technically?” he replies, unsure.

“Do you work in management then? Didn’t take you for the type, but I guess I shouldn’t judge.”

“Um, I mean-” Dougie starts to say.

“Dougie, get over here, we need to show you something!” someone else shouts.

He looks apologetically over at Eva before heading over to the group. Eva obviously wants to know what he was going to say, but shrugs it off and walks over to Sammy. She’s still animatedly talking to the same people as before, but smiles over at Eva when she joins the group again. After a few minutes, they head off to grab food as well.

“So, meet anyone exciting yet?” Sammy asks. “There’s a few players and they’ll introduce themselves to anyone new.”

“I might have met your boss? Or management?” Eva answers, still unsure of what Dougie’s role is.

“Oh, isn’t she amazing?” Sam gushes.

“She? Well, I guess I shouldn’t have assumed her gender,” Eva replies, immediately feeling bad.

Sammy looks confused. “Um…I don’t think we’re talking about the same person. My boss is over there.”

She points to a petite woman, with ebony skin. So, definitely not Dougie then.

“Well…that is definitely not who I met,” Eva whispers. “His name was Dougie.”

“You met Dougie? That’s the new player I was talking about!” Sammy exclaims. “We literally talked about this before we got here.”

“I was nervous! I don’t remember things when I get nervous.”

“Did you say anything embarrassing to him?”

“I mean, I basically told him that he didn’t seem like the management type? Because he said he was only technically a coworker of yours.”

Sammy snorts. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you told him that to his face.”

“How was I supposed to know?” Eva exclaims. “And I wasn’t wrong, was I? He isn’t the management type.”

“God, I can’t wait to tell everyone about this,” Sammy says, laughing.

“I’m making such a bad first impression,” Eva groans.

“No, I promise this will only make everyone love you more.”

“Whatever you say,” Eva replies skeptically.

Fortunately, the day passes in a much less embarrassing fashion for Eva. She manages to avoid Dougie the rest of the time she’s there, not wanting to address how badly she made a fool of herself. Normally, Eva likes to think she’s more put together than this, but something about it just makes her feel awkward.

“So, what did you think?” Sammy asks as they head out.

“It was fun,” Eva answers. “Still can’t believe I made a fool of myself in front of Dougie, though.”

“Honestly, I don’t think it’s really going to be that big of a deal. I don’t think he’s the type of player to get mad about someone not recognizing him.”

“Oh, well, that’s good at least,” Eva jokes. “But then again, I doubt I’ll be seeing him again, so I guess I shouldn’t be too worried.”

“Bold of you to assume I’m not dragging you to another event soon.”

“Seriously? Why would you take me to another one of these?”

Sammy shrugs. “Patrick has never been too much of a fan of going and I don’t like going by myself. So, I’ll keep taking you until you get sick of it.”

Eva snorts. “Well, at least you’re being honest. It was fun today besides me being an actual idiot, so I guess I can tag along again. When’s the next thing?”

“We usually have something else when the preseason ends, so probably the end of September at some point. It’s much more relaxed since the players are usually off the walls with the energy to finally start the season again.”

“I won’t ever turn down the chance for decent free food, so count me in.”

“What do you need free food for? You earn just as much as Patrick and I combined in one year.”

“You’re not wrong, but it’s also a hold over from the college days. Some things just don’t change.”

Sammy just rolls her eyes in response. Once they get back to the apartment complex, Sammy drags Eva up to her apartment to tell Patrick about meeting Dougie. Eva is blushing out of pure embarrassment the whole time. She has a feeling that she’s not going to ever live it down, but she guesses there’s worse things to be teased about.

“For someone who’s so smart, I can’t believe you did that,” Patrick says, laughing.

“Oh my god, it’s not my fault half of these guys look exactly the same!” Eva exclaims. “And it’s not like it’s my job to know which one is which.”

“Well, you’re going to have to learn if you’re coming with me to more company events,” Sammy points out.

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Eva groans. “I take back my standing offer of going with you, you don’t deserve it anymore.”

“Sure, whatever you say,” Sammy says. “Besides, what happened to wanting free food?”

“No longer worth it,” Eva replies.

Patrick and Sammy laugh in reply. Eva just rolls her eyes.

“As much fun as I had today, I should probably head out. We have a huge project coming up at work and I know I’m going to be pulling more all-nighters than I want to admit,” Eva says.

“Alright, try to get some rest at least,” Patrick says.

“I’ll do my best,” Eva replies, as she heads out of the apartment.

The weeks pass by in a blur, especially since Eva gets swept up in project deadlines. Before she knows it, it’s the end of September and Sammy is dragging her to the season kickoff party. This time, it’s at a different player’s house, but the place is still as extravagant as the last one. Eva also had made sure to try and memorize a couple of players’ names and faces.

“Hey, it’s…Eva, right?” Dougie says, coming up to her and Sammy.

“Oh yes, that’s right,” Eva replies awkwardly. “And Dougie? Who doesn’t happen to work in management, but is instead a player?”

He snorts. “Yeah, that would be me. The guys still haven’t let me live that one down.”

“Glad I could provide some quality material,” Eva jokes.

“Don’t worry, I’ve made sure that she’s gotten some shit for it as well,” Sammy interjects. “Wanted to make sure the chirping was solid on both sides of it.”

Dougie laughs, and Eva feels herself warming a little at the sound. It’s a good laugh, and she feels a bit odd at admitting the fact. She shoves any thoughts of associating Dougie with being good or cute, not wanting to even go down that road.

“It seems like you’re settling in well,” Sammy says. “Is Raleigh everything you ever dreamed?”

“Ah yes, definitely living out all of my dreams here,” Dougie jokes, good-naturedly. “I do enjoy it here, though. I feel like it’ll be good.”

“Then it seems you and Eva are in the same boat,” Sammy replies. “She’s fairly new in town as well.”

“Oh? What brings you out here?” Dougie inquires.

“If y’all are going to bond over being the newbies, I’m going to go and get some food,” Sammy says, heading off.

Once she’s gone, Eva answers, “I moved out here for work, actually. Moved from Portland, Oregon, so it’s definitely a lot to get used to.”

“You really moved across the country for work?” Dougie says, a bit surprised.

“Yeah, I just…needed a scenery change and Raleigh was the first place that offered a decent job in a place I wasn’t completely opposed to moving to,” Eva explains. “I mean, it wasn’t hard to find computer engineering jobs, so I guess I was able to be a bit picky.”

“Computer engineering? I didn’t take you for the type,” Dougie teases.

“Oh my god, you’re not going to live me that down, are you?”

“The opportunity presented itself, and I didn’t want to pass it up. But seriously, that’s cool, even if I don’t understand what that even means.”

“It’s not much, we just help develop computer hardware and software. Most of the training is in electrical engineering anyways, so it’s not hard to adapt skills across the board.”

Dougie snorts. “It’s not much, she says. That’s still pretty impressive, Eva.”

“Well, thanks, I guess.”

“But I still can’t imagine why you chose Raleigh of all places. Why not New York or Seattle, or whatever? I feel like those places are more known for their tech industries.”

“Seattle was a little close to home for me, and I was also just tired of living in a big city, so moving to an even bigger city was out of the question.”

“That’s understandable, I guess.”

“So, I know you’re a new player here because Sammy mentioned it. But did you sign here or…I honestly have no idea how this works.”

“Nah, I was traded from Calgary.”

“…Is that in Canada?”

“Yeah, that’s in Canada,” Dougie replies, laughing.

“You’re going to chirp me about that too, aren’t you?” Eva groans.

“It’s only fair.”

“Did I miss Eva doing something dumb?” Sammy asks, coming back with a plate of food for herself and Eva.

“Yes, she didn’t know where Calgary is,” Dougie answers.

“Well, I can’t blame her for not knowing. It’s really not that remarkable,” Sammy retorts.

Dougie laughs again, and Eva feels herself blushing a little. He seems like a good person and definitely isn’t hard to look at. She tries to push those thoughts out of her head, knowing that if she manages to develop a crush on him, that it’ll go nowhere. The chances of anything happening between the two of them is slim at best.

“I’ll let the two of you continue enjoying the party, I’m going to go see how everyone else is doing,” Dougie says. “Hopefully I’ll see you later?”

“Oh, you definitely will,” Sammy says, rather ominously.

Dougie smiles, then heads off to where the food is located. Sammy immediately turns to Eva and raises an eyebrow.

“What?” Eva asks. “Do I have something on my face?”

“No, it just seems like the two of you were getting along pretty well.”

“I was just being polite,” Eva says indignantly.

“Uh huh, I’m sure that’s what was going on.”

“Oh my god, you’re the worst.”

“Look, if the two of you become friends, or maybe you know…exclusive, I’m taking all the credit.”

“Nothing is going to happen because we’ll only see each other at these events if I decide to keep coming.”

“Not if I have anything to do with it,” Sammy says, smiling brightly.

“I don’t like where this is going.”

“You’ll be thanking me later, Eva, I promise.”

[d-criss-news]

The actor Darren Criss, 32, has a lot to say about grooming, diet, fitness and, most important, sleep. Mr. Criss, a San Francisco native who lives in Los Angeles, is so obsessed with sleep that he times it to REM cycles. He has also started a men’s grooming site, the Motley, with the siblings Matthew and Madison Ruggieri, and has just introduced a unisex skin care line called Onekind. Here, Mr. Criss, who is in the war drama “Midway” and is filming “Hollywood,” the new Ryan Murphy Netflix show scheduled for release next year, explains his personal care routine.

Fully Groomed

I have a lot of cleansers, but honestly, this is the one category where I feel like you just need to get your face clean. You use a bar of soap, and as long as it does the job, it’s O.K. Then I use Port Products Sol Defense SPF moisturizer. Then, morning and night, I put onRecipe for Men Under Eye Gel.

For night, I’m biased toward my own products. I do the Onekind Midnight Magic serum — there’s retinol in there — and I use that in tandem with Onekind Dream Cream. Every two days or so, I do the Urth Botanical Resurfacing Mask. I love a lot of their products. I also have the Urth Antioxidant Face Complex. It’s like taking your face to the spa.

The Perfect Shave

I have to shave every day for “Hollywood,” the show I’m on, and it’s really tough on the skin. I have to pay attention to the length of my stubble and the kind of blade I use. If I have a few days’ growth, I like the Executive blades from Dollar Shave Club.

But if it’s a day’s stubble, I’m using a safety razor. That’s because razor burn comes from multiple blades and multiple tiny cuts. I’m trying to minimize that by the number of the blades and also how big the blade is.

I use a hot towel to warm up the stubble. I also try to use really hot water to warm up the blade. Lock Stock & Barrel makes a really great shave oil.

One of the most important things, though, is the Urth Post Shave Elixir. I have buckets of it. If I don’t have it, I’m in a panic. I recommend it to anyone. I recommend it to my wife after she shaves her legs. I guarantee you maybe five people in the world care this much about shaving.

The Eastern Medicine Thing

I know it’s a hippie-dippy thing, but I’m a fan of oil pulling. I take a big dip out of a jar of coconut oil and swish that around my mouth. It sounds gross, and it is kind of gross. It’s supposed to pull bacteria out of my mouth.

I think it’s an Eastern medicine kind of thing — let’s face it, they’ve been ahead of everything on this front for millenniums. Someone recommended it to me years ago, and then when I was doing “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” on Broadway, I was literally making out with strangers every night. I did anything I could do to clean my mouth — it was more for their benefit and less for mine.

Sleep King

I’m really militant about sleeping for certain lengths of time. I’ve been doing this for years and years: I make sure I sleep in increments of 90 minutes. It takes me about 10 to 15 minutes to fall asleep and then the 90 minutes to complete a good REM cycle. So, for example, I’d rather get three hours of sleep than four hours.

You know those days when you wake up and you feel really good even though you didn’t really get a lot of sleep? That’s hitting the REM cycle. Or you sleep for a long time, but you wake up in the middle of a REM cycle and your whole day feels awful? I avoid that like the plague. Of course, there are a lot of variables — what you ate, how much you drank — but I try to have my sleep evenly timed out.

A Timed Diet

I’ve been into health and food ever since I was maybe 12 or 13. I was fascinated by the idea that food is fuel in this very nonintellectual way. You need carbs to do this and protein to do that. How it’s translated today is that you see that the digestive system is directly related to everything else. It’s not a subsidiary component.

So I time the way I eat. I don’t mean I’m timing while I’m eating, but you know how if you have dinner plans at 8 with friends? Well, then you don’t eat as much during the day so you’ll have an appetite and enjoy a meal out. I take the same approach with every activitythroughout the day.

If I’m working, the snacks and the doughnuts are all lying around, and I have to be careful of that. Otherwise I’ll feel strung out and tired. I try not to eat three hours before bed, but if I’m hungry, I might have a low-glycemic snack. I’m not going to have a carnitas burrito.

Then one of my biggest life hacks: I’m a huge chia seed person. If chia seed was a brand, I’d be repping them so hard. I soak chia seeds overnight and then do chia seeds and matcha in the morning. They’re the ancient form of good things.

Becoming a Fitness Fiend

I got heavily into fitness in my late 20s. Now I’m a certifiable fitness rat. I work out like I used to play video games. It’s competitive and fun. It’s also meditative. For me it’s really about the cardiovascular benefits and general well-being. If my body is a little more toned, that’s a super-bonus.

When I first started, that entry point was hard to find. I was completely allergic to the bro-y gym culture. “Get swoll, dude!” The thing that changed my life was P90X. I’ve never met him, but Tony Horton is the biggest dweeb in fitness.

I was too embarrassed to go to the gym, and I didn’t want to work out in a public space, and here was a guy who was making the dumbest dad jokes. This guy was all right. I knew this guy from high school.

I now love the social aspect of working out. I have maybe six or seven friends on rotation, and instead of going out, we do a workout class together. It might be H.I.I.T., a Pilates reformer class or yoga. I try to change it up as much as possible. I want to confuse my muscles.

I also love Training Mate in Los Angeles. It’s by these goofy Australians. They’re super-fun and funny. When I’m in New York, Refine is my jam. Fhitting Room is really great.

Making Time for Recovery

A lot of people don’t know how to keep their muscles healthy. They need to do the recovery. Physical therapy is really nice, but it’s expensive. I believe in rolling out the muscles, and that just takes some time. Also, cryotherapy is incredible.

You can do other things, like an Epsom salt bath, and I’m a big fan of the steam shower if you can get access to one. I do it at night too, as it helps me relax before going to sleep.

[audreycj-things]

[𝓫𝓵𝓸𝓰 𝓽𝔀𝓸]   My Top Five I.T. Career Choices

Are you a current or aspiring student of the information technology department? Are you having trouble with what job to take once you’ve completed your four years of torture college? If that’s two yeses, you’re in luck because in this blog post, I’ll be sharing with you the possible careers I’m considering on taking after I graduate.

But before that, let me share with you how I became a part of the Computer Studies department in the first place!

A Back Story of My Career Dilemmas  

Roughly three years ago, upon approaching my senior high school years, I was dead set on taking the path towards becoming a lawyer. Hence, I enrolled under the Humanities and Social Sciences strand. (I no longer remember why I wanted to take up law though.) A few self-evaluations later, I realized I wanted to become a medical professional, specifically a neurosurgeon. I can attribute this to familial expectations, the many Korean dramas I watched, and my desire to improve the country’s healthcare system, to help people, and to be one of the few doctors with nice handwriting. And so, I shifted to the STEM strand up until I graduated.  

During my last few months in senior high, I underwent personal dilemmas on what I really wanted. Amidst my extended family’s career expectations for me, my wise mother constantly reminded me the reality of medical professionals’ work. She emphasized the importance of your college program being a product of your own choice rather than everyone else’s expectations. And so, I was no longer sure of what program to take in college. At this point, I was already panicking, especially after seeing how confident my peers were with what career they had in mind. All I knew is that I was completely clueless of what to become and that I am a fairly versatile individual who always tries her best in whatever situation and opportunity she’s thrown in. (I’m known to be a jack-of-all-trades type of person.)

Seeing my struggle, my mom recommended me to consider the I.T. field. As a college professor and her university’s official representative to local and international seminars, she has witnessed and understood the potential and significance of professions under this field. Although hesitant at first—mostly because I haven’t been too exposed to opportunities that allow me to acquire advanced computer-related  skills (not including the ones I learned in my basic education’s computer classes)— I gave her suggestion some thought and decided that I shall take up the challenge.

And so, here I am, enrolled as a Computer Science student in the tech savvy Malayan Colleges Mindanao.

My Top Five I.T. Career Choices

Before anything else, allow me to explain briefly about the I.T. field that I plan to be a part of. This is for you to be able to catch up with what I’m trying to say, especially since there are going to be various technical terms from here on. And who knows? I might spark your interest in giving this career path a try!

According to Computer Science Online, the information technology industry operates across a range of industries, such as healthcare, finance, education, and entertainment. Broadly, information technology can be defined as the use of computing via various components (e.g. hardware, services, software) to develop, manage, transform, share and store information in different forms. Careers in information technology deal with the design, creation, management, and maintenance of the varied components of the system, including software, hardware, networks, systems integration, and multimedia.

     [1]   COMPUTER PROGRAMMER

The number one thing that I absolutely want to become is to be a computer programmer.

Following Technopedia’s definition, a computer programmer is a skilled professional who codes, tests, debugs, and maintains the comprehensive instructions known as computer programs that devices should follow to execute their functions. Computer programmers also conceptualize, design, and test logical structures to solve computer issues. Programmers make use of specific computer languages like C, C++, Java, PHP, .NET, etc. to convert the program designs developed by software developers or system architects into instructions that the computer could follow. They often refer to code libraries for simplifying their coding and might build or make use of computer-aided software tools to automate the coding.

I’ve always been awestruck of how coding works. It amazes me how a series of words and symbols arranged in a definite order will result to apps, websites, and other various software—even this word document I’m using under Microsoft Office! It’s surreal how each element of this software functions in such a smart and creative manner, especially when you know it as merely words and symbols in its raw form. I want to be able to do this by developing and learning all the knowledge and skills a good programmer should possess. Afterall, one should aim for excellence first; success will follow.

     [2]   SOFTWARE DEVELOPER

Another career that I would love to have is to be a software developer. 

According to CollegeGrad, software developers are the creative minds behind computer programs. Some develop the applications that allow people to do specific tasks on a computer or another device. Others develop the underlying systems that run the devices or that control networks. Software developers oversee the entire development process for a software program, including testing and maintenance. They design the program and then give instructions to programmers, who write computer code and test it.

Admittedly, I prefer doing the back-end job of a programmer. I don’t really love leading a team in a somewhat creativity-based project. However, the idea of initiating and facilitating the coming-to-life process of a computer program seems incredibly fulfilling. If ever I do become a software developer, I would probably create a computer program that will be of use to hospitals and schools. In fact, my mother encourages me to consider developing an enrollment system someday. No pressure.

     [3]   DATABASE ADMINISTRATOR

My third option is to become a database administrator.

According to Learn How to Become and Wikipedia, database administrators are responsible for establishing databases for organizations in all sectors of the economy in accordance with their specific needs in order to ensure that data is readily accessible for efficient and effective use by anyone with permission to use it. They use specialized software to store and organize data. Their role may include capacity planning, installation, configuration, database design, migration, performance monitoring, security, troubleshooting, as well as backup and data recovery.

A database administrator’s job appeals to my perfectionism. The idea of being in-charge of keeping everything organized is a huge but ultimately fulfilling challenge.  

     [4]   CYBER SECURITY CONSULTANT

Another career I have in mind is to be a cyber security consultant.

Top Universities emphasizes that maintaining cyber security in the modern world has become increasingly important, so a cyber security consultant’s role focuses on understanding the risks to the security of information or data. I would have to analyze where security breaches may occur or have occurred, and restore or reinforce systems against such breaches, to ensure that confidential data is protected. This role could include ‘ethical hacking’, meaning deliberately attempting to hack into my employer’s network to expose any weaknesses. Alternatively, I could work as a computer forensics analyst or investigator to combat the increasing phenomenon of cyber-crime.

I can attribute my attractions towards this career to the movies I’ve watched that portray hacking (or anything of the sort) to be cool. In several action movies, I always felt excited when seeing characters getting out of a tight, life-and-death situation with their cyber security-related skills. Although now I know that there’s more to this job than hacking—which they only do for testing reasons, otherwise it would be a crime—it still appeals to that part of my self that craves for thrill. In hindsight, the chances of coming across serious cyber security situations (like a government cyber security breach) here in the Philippines is quite low compared to other countries, so I guess my thrill-seeking self won’t be too satisfied if I work locally.

     [5]   GAME DEVELOPER

My last and fifth career choice is to become a game developer.

According to Top Universities, game developers produce games for personal computers, games consoles, social/online games, arcade games, tablets, mobile phones, and other handheld devices. This role splits into two main parts. First, there’s the creative side of designing a game and dealing with the art, animation, and storyboarding. Second, there’s the programming side, using programming languages such as C++.

I fit into the second part of developing game—the programming part. Although I’d rather invest on computer programs that are of use to the community, helping create a game seems like a fun way to apply coding. In hindsight, games are not just limited to the “fun” aspect because they offer more benefits than entertainment, so I guess I’m still helping the community in a way. I play games myself, especially the MOBA (Multiplayer Online Battle Arena) game called League of Legends. I understand and have experienced that one can learn, acquire, and hone skills (like strategy planning, enhanced reflexes, analysis) from playing games, especially complex ones. Furthermore, one can create and maintain friendships with games, as well as improve their self-confidence.

OVERALL...

Computer programmer, software developer, database administrator, cyber security consultant, game developer… whatever my career will be, I hope I’ll love what I’ll do and contribute something to the betterment of the community.

I also hope to prove some family members wrong about IT-related jobs being insignificant, that graduates under this program just “end up in computer shops.” While managing and maintaining a computer shop is a noble job, there’s so much more to the professions under I.T. that are constantly being overlooked and taken for granted. We are literally living in the digital age, yet many people still don’t appreciate this field enough. Hopefully, I’ll be able to enlighten and inspire people to try this career path and be a part of the tech savvy community.

Wish me luck in my journey!

[writingonjorvik]

Can We Discuss Temtem?

This is going to be a weird conversation, which is why I want to preface this before I get into it. This piece isn’t anything like “Temtem is the SSO killer” or shit like that. However, I do really want to discuss this game for its merits because of what it means for SSO. Let me explain.

Ok, so Temtem is a recently released monster battling MMO that just came out on Steam. It’s basically a Pokemon MMO, but that does it a disservice. While there are obviously a lot of elements that it shares with Pokemon, I genuinely think the developers focused on different core mechanics when fleshing the game out. The whole game is built around 2 v. 2 instead of 1 v. 1, and there are loads of really interesting mechanics involved with that system that aren’t in Pokemon, as well as its own twists on things like PP with the Stamina system. With that said, even without being a pro gamer, Temtem is a relatively casual MMO experience. I’ve never really played a lot of Pokemon, but Temtem has done a good job of explaining itself and presenting a charming world.

Now, that doesn’t mean the game is perfect. There are some concerns I have about the economy, very similar to my concerns I have about SSO’s, in that the clothing is currently WAY overpriced, though it functions differently than SSO’s in that it’s a permanent unlock. There also is some lack of stability with the servers, though that’s improved significantly over the past three days the game has been up (went from crashes every 30 minutes to every 2 hours in three days, which is a huge improvement. Not to mention there aren’t queues anymore). It’s also lacking in the social element right now with no chat or group functions, but the game is only three days out. If you don’t have a lot of patience for early betas, I’d probably suggest passing on this game until it’s more stable, but overall, it’s a really solid game and I do recommend it.

But what does any of that have to do with SSO? Right now this is just me gushing about a different game on an SSO blog. Well it’s because of what this game is. This obviously isn’t a “non-combat” game like SSO, it’s a monster battler. Much like Pokemon, it’s basically combat game for kids, and as such I’d lump it into a “casual” gameplay kind of experience, much like SSO is. I’d say it’d attract similar crowds cause of the laidback vibe the game gives off, which is also the appeal for SSO. But it’s more than that.

I’ve said for a long time, sooner or later, SSO’s going to get competition. Part of the reason right now they get to get away with the exploitative high prices compared to other MMOs on their microtransactions is because there isn’t anything easily accessible in the market with them. But that’s changing.

Alicia Online has been out for a while, but I know from my own experience that that game can be difficult to run with any kind of security software installed, and also because of the nature of how it’s run, it’s less accessible. Not as bad as trying to play on the Korean official servers when they were up, but less accessible than SSO. Sky: Children of the Light is another really good free casual MMO, but it’s currently only on mobile and I know I’ve set it down until it’s available for PC. I’ve recommended it a bunch and know that it’s pending port to Android has turned people off too. That makes it also inaccessible. Likely to change, but currently only available to iOS users with devices strong enough to run it.

But Temtem isn’t that. It’s an increasingly stable (I imagine in the next few weeks, reliable so too), solid casual MMO. It has solid mechanics, pretty visuals, and a wide age appeal (it also has they/them pronouns and no genderlocking in character customizing, but that’s another topic). It’s got easy cellshaded graphics that most computers can run and it’s been really well optimized so that’s not an issue for higher end rigs. And it’s on Steam for $35.

Look, I love SSO. But if I had a friend ask me for a casual “non-combat” MMO right now, I’d recommend them Temtem. It’s more affordable, it’s got more clear and accessible content, it’s got an extremely honest and straightforward dev team who have been open to feedback from the get go and clear explanations on direction and bugs, and right now the economics are mostly reasonable and being negotiated with the community. And I know based on polls I’ve run with all of you, money is a reason you don’t recommend people to join SSO. In fact, it’s the leading reason in my polls. But for the same price as Lifetime for SSO, which is the most reasonable deal to get to play SSO, you could get you and a friend a copy of Temtem. That’s two players to every one of SSO’s.

Again, I’m not here to say “Temtem is the SSO killer.” Not everyone is gonna be into monster battling games. However, it is clear with Temtem’s success and with Sky’s success as Apple’s Game of the Year, that casual MMOs like this are in demand. And they’re being made, putting themselves in the market at a far more reasonable price than SSO does, significantly more in line with other MMOs in the industry. SSO’s days being the only casual MMO in the market are running out.

Something has to give. Honestly, a lot of things need to give. This isn’t a threat to the SSO’s devs, it’s an observation. If SSO wants to remain competitive, wants to remain viable as a business, it needs to meet industry standards at least somewhere. Even with $75 being reasonable for a game that doesn’t do expacs, we have to admit that it’s a turnoff as a bar for entry. $30 for one horse skin is enough to buy another game, one that might let you earn that skin without waiting two months. Waiting months for half an hour of content when other MMOs deliver hours isn’t ok, and SSO needs to move to less updates to be able to produce better content like that regularly.

I know players are going to pitch hell about this because weekly is what we expect for updates and any time I mention price changes there’s always someone up in arms about “SSO’s devs deserve fair prices.” But as someone who aims to be SSO’s competition one day with Rangers of Faewere, this has nothing to do with me wanting the game out of business. It’s me wanting that competition. SSO deserves a space in this market and I want it to have a space in this market because this game is filled with charm and zany adventures and wonder that I have been following since launch. It’s why I wanted to make Faewere, it’s why I got into game analysis, it’s how I started Youtube seriously and met so many of you. I want SSO to survive for a long time.

But the industry is changing and SSO isn’t going to be alone for very much longer in it. Something’s gotta give. SSO’s been the most accessible 3D casual MMO for a long time, but it’s biggest hurdle is its price. And someone just put themselves on the market in a serious way by charging half SSO’s entry fee. I don’t know what Temtem will do for its microtransactions, but I hope SSO takes a serious response. Because I want them in this market, and they can’t when the competition is charging $35 or less for entry.

[neocab]

Translating the Cyberpunk Future

I'm a video game translator, and I love my job. It's odd work, sometimes stressful, sometimes bewildering, but it always provides interesting and inspiring challenges. Every project brings new words, slang, and cultural trends to discover, but translating also forces me to reflect on language itself. Each job also comes with its own unique set of problems to solve. Some have an exact solution that can be found in grammar or dictionaries, but others require a more... creative approach.

Sometimes, the language we’re translating from uses forms and expressions that simply have no equivalent in the language we’re translating to. To bridge such gaps, a translator must sometimes invent (or circumvent), but most importantly they must understand. Language is ever in flux. It’s an eternal cultural battleground that evolves with the lightning speed of society itself. A single word can hurt a minority, give shape to a new concept, or even win an election. It is humanity’s most powerful weapon, especially in the Internet Age, and I always feel the full weight of responsibility to use it in an informed manner.

One of my go-to ways for explaining the deep complexity of translation is the relationship between gender (masculine and feminine) and grammar. For example, in English this is a simple sentence:

"You are fantastic!"

Pretty basic, right? Easy to translate, no? NOT AT ALL!

Once you render it into a gendered language like Italian, all its facets, its potential meanings, break down like shards.

Sei fantastico! (Singular and masculine)

Sei fantastica! (Singular and feminine)

Siete fantastici! (Plural and masculine)

Siete fantastiche! (Plural and feminine)

If we were translating a movie, selecting the correct translation wouldn't be a big deal. Just like in real life, one look at the speakers would clear out the ambiguity in the English text. Video game translation, however, is a different beast where visual cues or even context is a luxury, especially if a game is still in development. Not only that, but the very nature of many games makes it simply impossible to define clearly who is being addressed in a specific line, even when development has ended. Take an open world title, for example, where characters have whole sets of lines that may be addressed indifferently to single males or females or groups (mixed or not) within a context we don't know and can't control.

In the course of my career as a translator, time and time again this has led into one of the most heated linguistic debates of the past few years: the usage of the they/them pronoun. When I was in grade school, I was taught that they/them acted as the third person plural pronoun, the equivalent of the Italian pronoun "essi." Recently, though, it has established itself as the third person singular neutral, both in written and spoken English. Basically, when we don't know whether we're talking about a he/him or a she/her, we use they/them. In this way, despite the criticism of purists, the English language has brilliantly solved all cases of uncertainty and ambiguity. For instance:

“Somebody forgot their backpack at the party.”

Thanks to the use of the pronoun "their," this sentence does not attribute a specific gender to the person who has forgotten the backpack at the party. It covers all the bases. Smooth, right? Within the LGBT circles, those who don’t recognize themselves in gender binarism have also adopted the use of they/them. Practically speaking, the neutral they/them pronoun is a powerful tool, serving both linguistic accuracy and language inclusiveness. There's just one minor issue: We have no "neutral pronouns" in Italian.

It's quite the opposite, if anything! In our language, gender informs practically everything, from adjectives to verbs. On top of that, masculine is the default gender in case of ambiguity or uncertainty. For instance:

Two male kids > Due bambini

Two female kids > Due bambine

One male kid and one female kid > Due bambini

In the field of translation, this is a major problem that often requires us to find elaborate turns of phrase or different word choices to avoid gender connotations when English maintains ambiguity. As a professional, it’s not only a matter of accuracy but also an aesthetic issue. In a video game, when a character refers to someone using the wrong gender connotation, the illusion of realism is broken. My colleagues and I have been navigating these pitfalls for years as best we can. Have you ever wondered why one of the most common Italian insults in video games is "pezzo di merda"? That's right. "Stronzo" and "bastardo" give a gender connotation, while "pezzo di merda" does not.

A few months ago, together with the Gloc team, I had the pleasure of working on the translation of Neo Cab, a video game set in a not too distant future with a cyberpunk and dystopian backdrop (and, sadly, a very plausible one). The main character is Lina, a cabbie of the "gig economy," who drives for a hypothetical future Uber in a big city during a time of deep social unrest. The story is told mainly through her conversation with the many clients she picks up in her taxi. When the game’s developers gave us the reference materials for our localization, they specified that one of the client characters was "non-binary" and that Lina respectfully uses the neutral "they/them" pronoun when she converses with them.

"Use neutral pronouns or whatever their equivalent is in your language," we were told.

I remember my Skype chat with the rest of the team. What a naive request on the client's part! Neutral pronouns? It would be lovely, but we don't have those in Italian! So what do we do now? The go-to solution in these cases is to use masculine pronouns, but such a workaround would sacrifice part of Lina’s character and the nuance of one of the interactions the game relies on to tell the story. Sad, no? It was the only reasonable choice grammatically-speaking, but also a lazy and ill-inspired one. So what were we to do? Perhaps there was another option...

Faced with losing such an important aspect of Lina’s personality, we decided to forge ahead with a new approach. We had the opportunity to do something different, and we felt like we had to do the character justice. In a game that's completely based on dialogue, such details are crucial. What's more, the game's cyberpunk setting gave us the perfect excuse to experiment and innovate. Language evolves, so why not try to imagine a future where Italian has expanded to include a neutral pronoun in everyday conversations? It might sound a bit weird, sure, but cyberpunk literature has always employed such gimmicks. And rather than take away from a character, we could actually enrich the narrative universe with an act of "world building" instead.

After contacting the developers, who enthusiastically approved of our proposal, we started working on creating a neutral pronoun for our language. But how to go about that was a question in itself. We began by studying essays on the subject, like Alma Sabatini's Raccomandazioni per un uso non sessista della lingua italiana (Recommendations for a non-sexist usage of the Italian language). We also analyzed the solutions currently adopted by some activists, like the use of asterisks, "x," and "u."

Siamo tutt* bellissim*.

Siamo tuttx bellissimx.

Siamo tuttu bellissimu.

I’d seen examples of this on signs before, but it had always seemed to me that asterisks and such were not meant to be a solution, but rather a way to highlight the issue and start a discourse on something that's deeply ingrained in our language. For our cyberpunk future, we wanted a solution that was more readable and pronounceable, so we thought we might use schwa (ə), the mid central vowel sound. What does it sound like? Quite familiar to an English speaker, it's the most common vowel sound. Standard Italian doesn’t have it, but having been separated into smaller countries for most of its history, Italy has an extraordinary variety of regional languages (“dialetti”) and many of them use this sound. We find it in the final "a" of "mammeta" in Neapolitan, for instance (and also in the dialects of Piedmont and Ciociaria, and in several other Romance languages). To pronounce it, with an approximation often seen in other romance languages, an Italian only needs to pretend not to pronounce a word's last vowel.

Schwa was also a perfect choice as a signifier in every possible way. Its central location in phonetics makes it as neutral as possible, and the rolled-over "e" sign "ə" is reminiscent of both a lowercase "a" (the most common feminine ending vowel in Italian) and of an unfinished "o" (the masculine equivalent). The result is:

Siamo tuttə bellissimə.

Not a perfect solution, perhaps, but eminently plausible in a futuristic cyberpunk setting. The player/reader need only look at the context and interactions to figure it out. The fact that we have no "ə" on our keyboards is easily solved with a smartphone system upgrade, and though the pronunciation may be difficult, gender-neutrals wouldn't come up often in spoken language. Indeed, neutral alternatives are most needed in writing, especially in public communication, announcements, and statements. To be extra sure our idea worked as intended and didn't overlook any critical issues, we submitted it to a few LGBT friends, and with their blessing, then sent our translation to the developers.

Fast forward to now, and the game is out. It has some schwas in it, and nobody complained about our proposal for a more inclusive future language. It took us a week to go through half a day's worth of work, but we're happy with the result. Localization is not just translation, it's a creative endeavour, and sometimes it can afford to be somewhat subversive. To sum up the whole affair, I'll let the words of Alma Sabatini wrap things up:

"Language does not simply reflect the society that speaks it, it conditions and limits its thoughts, its imagination, and its social and cultural advancement." — Alma Sabatini

Amen.

[guerilla935]

Why Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days Tells A Better Story

What I am about to shed a light on is not anything that we haven’t heard before if you’ve ever been curious enough to give one google search into how good Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days (Let’s just say Days to save my hands the cramp) is. I’m not going to be selling you the game. if you are wondering what I am saying that Days has a better story than you would probably be surprised to hear that I am going to be comparing it to how you have probably remembered the same game. Which is not to say that I think anyone should revisit it because that is definitely not what I recommend. Days is a long repetitive and otherwise exhausting game. But if you were to think back on the experience you would find that a large amount of the time absolutely nothing is happening and when something does happen it is muddled and largely confusing. This even when you consider the games final act which, as heart wrenching as it is, explains very little about what you were doing this entire time.But you loved every second of it.

The Day to Day

I am going to give credit where its due and say that as soon as I was reconsidering the plot of Days and had prepared what I am about to say I found a YouTube creator named KingK that had a similar thing to say about the mission structure and I will link that at the end if you would like to see what he said differently and I’ll say some of the same things he did in order to get my point across. So to start off I want to say that the missions in Days are the absolute worse thing that I have ever had to do on a Nintendo DS and possibly on any game system. The missions where you fight X amount of heartless are the most fun but only because it is normal Kingdom Hearts game play which we have all come to love. The rest involve annoying tailing missions, looking at stuff on the ground, maybe a puzzle where all you do is stack boxes, and the kill quest with the stupid pink thing that takes too long to chase down. If you have played the game you either know what I’m talking about or disagree, and I don’t mean to invalidate you if you love the the game play of Days by all means you do your thing. If you haven’t played the game just take my word for it. So why did I drag myself through almost 30 hours of this? First of all, at the time I was pretty young and hadn’t had a job yet so this was my first experience with something like this. They tell you very outright that the missions are your job. Saix acts like your supervisor, Axel talks every day like it’s all work, and your coworkers are all some cross between an anime trope and a real personality you’d work with in a real job (I’d come to find out). Between these missions, most of them, you are presented with small cut scenes that are essentially just you and your friends that you work with hanging out, grabbing an ice cream, and goofing around. Later in my own life I had been lucky enough to find friends that liked to sit around and chat on whatever call service there was at the time and just play games and hang out. This happened generally every day for a long while. After work I could expect that these people would be available and ready to let the steam off from the day by destroying people online. Back to Roxas, When you finish a mission of Days it is like you had just worked a tiny shift of work and your reward is you get this clip of Roxas and his friends talking and hanging out and for a large portion of the game you can count on that and it feels really good to know that your friends are waiting for you at the end of every day. I am not going to try and explain it further, if you know what I’m talking about than you know why you sit through these missions. However you also know that nothing lasts forever. To conclude on my own experiences that led to me writing this, friends fall apart and I only stay in consistent contact with a few of the people I had spent all those days with back then. The events in Days do not make you think about saving the world or anything like a normal Kingdom Hearts game but offers you this instead, showing you the power between friends rather than just having Sora yell it every once in a while.

Interwoven Plot

Without spoiling anything from any other games, this game takes place at the same time as Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories which I recommend you at least watch cut scenes for before playing Days. Days in its large first section builds a trust between you and these two fictional characters, a trust that they are your friends and that this is life. Roxas goes to work, then sees his friends and can count on tomorrow being the same. Tetsuya Nomura, the lead writer of Kingdom Hearts, then proceeds to slowly burn that trust at 400 degrees until golden brown. The way that the plot of Days accomplishes this is by leaking in aspects of other Kingdom Hearts games that would reward a fan of the series by filling in almost every plot hole between Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts 2. These outside influences drag the main characters of Days in completely separate directions. This feels very fluid for another reason, the Disney world sections are completely lacking of almost any meaningful story. These things that you do in the Disney worlds that usually take center stage in any other Kingdom Hearts game is suddenly just work that you have completely wiped from your mind as soon as you have clocked out for the day. This allows the player to have to anxiously speed through the work days to know if their friends are going to be there the next day. The portion of the game where Axel will just “Get back when he gets back.” is aggravating to get through knowing that your best friend might show up for ice cream but probably won’t. You are suddenly running through each day as if you had no idea what to expect and you are fighting for that same life where you and your friends get to hang out every day.

The Real Value

The real value in Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days is that it has absolutely nothing to do with Kingdom Hearts at all. You are playing as collateral damage in the Kingdom Hearts Series plot and at the end you hate both sides of the war, you hate Xemnas and you hate Sora. And all you want is your friends back, which sticks the landing in one of the most emotionally developed story ending moments that I have ever seen in my entire life. This could only have been pulled off in a video game format. If you have ever thought about seeking a way to play this game whether you watched cut scenes in the collection or skipped it altogether I can guarantee the only way to experience this story is to play through all 358 days.

Here is the link to KingK’s video who goes much more into the rest of the game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyYNCNUtvFk

[antiquecompass]

And it’s a double ficlet posting day today. Once again since setting all these ficlets in an AU ‘verse kind of steers away from some of the prompts, I’m not posting this one in the official Untamed Fest tag, but it is for Day Six: Quote.

“I can’t believe I’m actually getting to see a professional baseball game in person,” Zizhen said. He was decked out in Red Sox gear, from an obviously new ballcap on his head to the perfectly white Mookie Betts jersey on his back.

“How long have you been attending Lan Academy? And you never took one of the weekend trips to see a day-game?” Jingyi asked.

Zizhen shrugged. “You know my father doesn’t believe in frivolous things. He only let me go this time because Teacher Lan and Mr. Lan-Wei are taking us.” He looked around the ballpark. “Are we not in one of the boxes? Father always gets one of the boxes for sporting events.”

“Are we what?” Jingyi asked, pulling his battered cap further down over his eyes. “We’re here to see a game, Zizhen, not eat caviar or some shit.”

“Though if you do get overheated, the Jins have a suite that we can use,” Shizui said. “That’s where my parents are with our uncles, Auntie Yanli and all the little ones.”

“That means Jin Ling should meet up with us soon,” Jingyi said.

He slid into their usual seats along the third base line. Dad’s season tickets didn’t get as much use as they used to with all of them in Western Massachusetts these days, but the coming of summer meant entire months in Boston, and Sizhui couldn’t wait.

He loved Lan Academy. He loved the Cloud Recesses camp. But Boston would always be home and since Uncle Cheng had offered him and Jingyi summer jobs at Jiang Industries, Sizhui was glad to be back in his city. They’d be working in the mailroom and helping Miss Luo with whatever she needed, but it was job experience. 

“I didn’t expect the seats to be so small,” Zizhen said as he gingerly sat down, trying not to spill his soda or drop his nachos.

“Fenway’s over a hundred years old,” Jingyi said. “There’s only so much they can do when it comes to renovations.”

“It’s about the experience,” Sizhui quickly explained before Jingyi started his baseball lecture. Sizhui actually loved listening to it, to see Jingyi be so passionate over something, but poor Zizhen wasn’t ready to hear that sort of devotional speech as he tried to fold his long legs, sit up straight, and put a napkin over his lap to not mess up his khakis.

They really should have given Zizhen a dress code. When Jingyi had seen the button-up shirt he’d worn, he’d immediately dragged him into the Team Store to buy a jersey. 

“Shove over,” Jin Ling said, appearing in a worn pair of jeans and a faded Nomar Garciaparra shirt Sizhui was sure once belonged to Aunt Yanli. 

“You’re small. Climb over,” Jingyi said.

Honestly, Jingyi deserved to have his hat knocked off his head for that, though Jin Ling did easily climb over him to plop down on Zizhen’s other side. 

“Are those?” Jin Ling looked up at Zizhen then leaned over to look at Jingyi. “Is he wearing khakis?”

“They’re dockers,” Zizhen said. “They’re casual. I went to a department store and bought them myself.”

“And boat shoes?” Jin Ling asked.

“Stop,” Sizhui said. “We don’t all fall into your and Jingyi’s sneaker obsession.” He glanced down at Zizhen’s navy blue cloth shoes. “I like Zizhen’s shoes. I’m sure they’re comfortable, and if something spills on them he won’t immediately be yelling about needing to go clean his shoes.”

“That was one time,” Jingyi said.

“We were in the middle of a date,” Sizhui replied. “At a fairground. What did you think was going to happen?”

“I didn’t expect that much mud!”

“It’s called a weather app,” Jin Ling said. He stole one of Zizhen’s nachos and slid back into his seat. “Now shut up and let’s watch the game.”

**********

By the seventh-inning stretch, the warmer weather was finally starting to get to Sizhui. Zizhen’s enthusiasm had definitely died down, but he was still into the game. Even Jin Ling had started to look deflated. Jingyi would sleep out on the mound if he was given the choice, grass stains and heat stroke be damned, so Sizhui tugged on his hand to get his attention.

“Box time?” Jingyi asked.

Sizhui nodded, digging into his bag to pull out their suite tickets. 

“Oh, good,” Zizhen said. “I’ve needed the restroom for three hours, but I was afraid I’d get lost.”

“Dude, just ask next time. We’ll buddy system it,” Jin Ling said.

The suite was up an elevator and on the first base line, so they gave Zizhen a small tour of the park, quieter now than when they entered. They also got him to a much needed bathroom. As they finally reached the suites, Sizhui was pleased to hear that their family’s wasn’t the loudest one there. When Dad, Uncle Cheng, and all the younger cousins got together, the noise level tended to be ear-shattering.

“Holy shit,” Jingyi said, right before they approached the suite. He grabbed Sizhui and pulled him back, Zizhen and Jin Ling stumbling after them.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Jin Ling asked.

“Look,” Jingyi pointed to two figures down the hall. 

Papa and Mr. Keller. 

That wouldn’t end well.

Jacob Keller had decided, sometime in eighth grade, that Sizhui was his mortal enemy. He’d done his level best to try and make Sizhui’s life hell, but since Sizhui refused to react in the way he knew Jacob wanted, he’d started escalating things last year. An incident in the chem lab that could’ve resulted in serious injury was the final straw. Jacob had been on probation ever since, and recently had started the downslide towards academic probation as well.

Honestly, out of all classes to try and plagiarize a paper in, Sizhui couldn’t even imagine the lack of thought--and arrogance--it took to plagiarize a paper in one of his father’s courses.

On Bernini of all people.

Using the Wikipedia entry and claiming it as original.

“Who is that?” Dad asked, one of the younger cousins hanging off his side and a stick of cotton candy in the other.

He smiled as they all yelped. 

“Are you boys up to mischief? Let me in on it. They’re being boring adults in here.”

Jin Ling grabbed his sister and walked into the suite. “She’s too young to hear any of this,” he explained. “Zizhen, come on. Let’s get you and your precious boat shoes into safety.”

“That’s Mr. Keller,” Zizhen hissed.

“I know,” Jin Ling said.

“Who is Mr. Keller?” Dad asked. 

“Jacob Keller’s dad,” Jingyi said. “He’s an asshole.”

“Jacob or his dad?”

“From the looks of it, both,” Uncle Cheng said, both him and Uncle Xichen leaning out of the suite to see what the problem was.

All of them froze as Mr. Keller grabbed Papa’s arm.

“Does that man want to die?” Uncle Zuxian asked. 

Papa pulled his arm away without a word and walked towards them.

“Hey, you!” Mr. Keller yelled after him. “I’m not done talking to you.”

Papa stilled and turned around. “You are not qualified to speak to me.”

“Excuse me?” Mr. Keller asked.

“Mr. Keller, unless you’ve suddenly obtained degrees in Art History and Secondary Education, you are not qualified to speak to me about my grading system. And in regards to giving my son unfair treatment, I would argue that I grade both my son, and my younger cousin, harsher than other students since I am well aware of their capabilities. Perhaps if you had more concern over your son’s lack of dedication to his schoolwork, you wouldn’t have to accost his teachers on their private time. Your son has already had one hearing regarding the Honor Code after his plagiarism incident. Your actions in this moment are not aiding his cause.”

“And what are you going to do about it?”

“As the Headmaster is standing not even fifteen feet away from you, I shall leave that matter in his capable hands.”

Uncle Cheng took Uncle Xichen’s plate and patted him on the shoulder. “Hey, Law of Averages. It was about time for your job to interrupt our dates.”

Uncle Xichen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m getting exceedingly tired of the Keller family,” he muttered. He put on his best professional smile as he walked towards Papa and Mr. Keller.

“Mr. Keller, as I’m sure you know from the many letters I have personal typed and sent to your address, to the emails I have also copied both you and your wife on, we have a strict standard of conduct at Lan Academy. This not only extends to our students, but our staff, and I find your unfounded accusations towards one of our most highly decorated teachers an insult not only to me, my family, and my school, but also the honor that Lan Academy prides itself on. Perhaps it was wrong of me to argue for such leniency in young Mr. Keller’s case. Any other school would have expelled him by now, but it is the very teacher you accuse, and one of the students you have insulted, who argued to the Board for your son to stay on at Lan Academy on a probationary basis. I cannot rescind such a decision without a member of the Board present, but know that I will be making inquiries once school resumes on Monday.”

“A member of the Board is present,” Uncle Zixuan said. “And he recommends that perhaps Mr. Keller should find another educational institution for his son’s senior year. Let him finish this year, it’s almost over, but only so many chances can be given.”

Uncle Zixuan stood with his back ramrod straight, all the arrogance Dad and Uncle Cheng had ever accused him of on his face. 

“I can’t imagine how you would ever think it appropriate to air your grievances to a teacher on their private time. The syllabus is sent to you in paper and email form with all the contact information provided. There are teacher conferences once a quarter. Mr. Lan even keeps later office hours after the school day has ended for parents to come by if they make an appointment, knowing full well that some parents have to travel hours to reach the school. Mr. Keller, I am sorry to say you have made an unfortunate decision today.”

“He came here to threaten him,” Dad said, not even bothering to give Mr. Keller a glance. “Grabbing someone like that? Did you think you could shake a Lan’s arm and they’d give in to you?” Dad laughed. “It’s like a fly trying to shake an elephant.”

Mr. Keller narrowed his eyes, but some common sense his son lacked cleared his head.

“You’ll be hearing from my lawyers,” he spat.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be hearing from ours first,” Uncle Zixuan said. He waved his hand at a set of security officers. “These officers will see you out now. I hope you enjoy the rest of your afternoon.”

“Uncle Peacock for the smackdown,” Jingyi said. “At least Jin Ling comes by it honestly.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #254

“i hate that it seems you were never enough; we were broken and bleeding, but never gave up.”

What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten? My late dog Teddy. Well technically, it was a container of puppy chow behind the tree, but in essence, him. Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? I don't think so? Do you think you have a good understanding of love? Yes. What do you want to do on your honeymoon? Relax and enjoy quality time w/ my spouse somewhere great. Do you think Medical Marijuana should be legalized? Yes. If you were forced to dye your hair another color, what color would you get? At this current time, silver. What do you think of your parent(s)? I love them, a lot. Who do you talk to on the phone most often? Actually talk, Mom. But I text Sara more. What’s a song that makes you feel happy? Uhhh "</code>" by MIW came to me first. What celebrity would you like to meet? M-M-M-mARk What is your favorite clothing store? I can't really say. I like Hot Topic's content most, but they're really not all that broad in size range, so it seems unfair to say them. What’s a good idea you’ve had recently? Hell if I know, I don't make those. Do you like to wear high heels? No. What are you most excited about right now? Nothing. Would you like to live in a different country? If so which one? Honestly, if it didn't mean leaving Mom behind, I'd go to Canada by now. Recent events have me fucking livid with America's healthcare system. What’s your favorite song from a movie? Like, it was made for the movie? Man, I dunno. Probably something off Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, though. The soundtrack is magical. Where would you like to volunteer? Realistically, I don't know. A zoo would be incredible, but I handle heat incredibly poorly and also canfuckingnot pick up feces or touch vomit. So, that takes a big chunk out of what volunteers can do there. What’s the last song you listened to? "Another Life" by MIW is on repeat right now and I need to turn it the fuck off because I'm in a bad PTSD episode. Do you like being alone? Sometimes, yes, but not for too long. How do you find new music? YouTube recommendations, usually. What’s your favorite city? I don't have a favorite. I've only ever once been to an even remotely impressive one: Chicago. What’s the last YouTube video you watched? Some tarantula one. I'm fucking addicted to tarantulas now and need a Mexican red knee like now. Once we (hopefully) move, I'm gonna at least try talking Mom into it. Where are you going on your next trip? I don't know. If you had to make a six-hour cross-country journey, would you rather take the train, fly or drive? How come? Fly, if I had the window seat. It's relaxing. How long do your earphones tend to last before the connection goes and you have to replace them? Considering I'm like, constantly using them, Mom says they die fast, judging by how frequently I let her know I need a new pair. She got me a big box of them for Christmas, even. I've got one extra pair left. If you could dye your hair any color in the world, assuming it would look perfect with your coloring, what would you pick and why? Pastel pink bc aesthetic. Are you a fan of musicals? If you are, what ones have you seen live and which ones would you like to see? No. Have you ever had to give up something you were addicted to? Did you actually succeed? Yes. Have you ever had to work (or study) with someone that you really didn’t get along with? How did you deal with it (ignoring them, being nice, etc.)? Maybe at some point, idk. Have you ever had any problems with your wisdom teeth, or have they been taken out already? No. Which one of your senses would you miss the most if you lost it? Hearing, probably. That'd feel so lonely. Do you find your mood changes when you’re hungry or tired? Does eating or sleeping automatically cure you of a bad mood? I can definitely become irritable if I'm extremely hungry and/or tired. Sleeping helps me with a lot of problems, lmao. What’s the stupidest fight you’ve ever gotten into? Did you make up with that person or did you end up losing them over it? Oh idk. Probably something RP-related as a kid. Have you ever gotten really bad travel sickness? Has this put you off travelling or going by certain modes of transport in case it happens again? No, thankfully. What’s your opinion on prostitution? Should it be legal and regulated, or is it something that needs to be gotten rid of completely? I don't support it. Just leaving it at that. If it was a case of prostitution or being evicted from your home, which option would you pick (assuming you’d tried everything else to make money first)? Evict me. Morally, prostituting would kill me. I have family who thankfully I know would let me stay with them. Are you into piercings and tattoos? If not, do you judge people who are, and vice versa? Hell yeah, so I obviously don't judge people who are. What’s your opinion on places like Seaworld? Do you think keeping whales and dolphins in such small enclosures is cruel or a necessary evil? First: I'm not very educated on how similar *all* Seaworlds are. But in regards to keeping whales, it's inhumane as all fuck. They are WAY too big to be held in such a small space for our goddamn amusement. I support zoos who do what they do for conservation and educational purposes, but from my memory of Seaworld, that's not their primary concern. Who is one person that you no longer hang out with? Why did that association end? My former best friend. There's a novel on why I don't associate with her anymore, but the top reason would be she's just a drama magnet that does no wrong. Wonders why her life is so insane and tumultuous while never looking into herself as the potential reason. What was the last item you put into your pants pocket? I don't really wear pants with pockets, but I'm sure in the last case, it woulda been my phone or money. Who was the last person to endanger your life, whether it was accidentally or intentionally? Well I'm certain it was accidental, but idk what the most recent situation would be. What was the last thing you started over on? Job searching, I guess. What was the last task that you completed? Does eating breakfast count? Esp. when you really didn't want it but needed it? Have you ever failed at something extremely important to you? If yes, what? Ah, what a timely question. I dropped out of school for the third fucking time a few days back. When was the last time that you wanted time to move faster? Last night in my regular routine of waking up in the middle of the night twice/thrice. I sleep so poorly that I just want the morning to come at some point so it's "normal" for me to be up. ^Slower? Hm. I dunno. I don't have much reason to want time to slow lately. When was the last time you felt impatient with someone? Currently w/ Mom, but it's at a low level and probably isn't fair feeling impatient in the first place. Who was the last person that you called a “bitch”? I don't know. Probably playfully, anyway. ^Who, if anyone, was the last person to address you by that term? I also don't know. When was the last time you questioned whether or not you were making the right decision? Every time I make one lmao. Has a boy-/girlfriend ever suggested that you might want to lose some weight, or that it might make you look better? lol wow no. What is your idea of “too big” when it comes to weight? Once it comes to a point of infringing on your ability to function normally. ^How about “too thin”? Same as ^, really, it just goes in the opposite direction. Have you ever experienced an overly clinging boy-/girlfriend? Yeah, we lasted two weeks lmao. What is the most annoying thing your family members do on a daily basis, if anything? I only live with Mom, and she doesn't regularly do annoying stuff. With which family member do you get along with the least? The best? Least, my grandma. We've gotten kinda better though now that she's dying. Best, Mom. ^Why do you think that you don’t get along well with that family member? We have very, very averse beliefs and standards. Who is someone that you wish would be there for you more often? My sisters, honestly. Shit's going on with them, I always reach out to let them know I'm here. Something's wrong with me, I never hear a word. Have you ever felt like someone abandoned you? If yes, explain? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH- How often do you find that you are bored? Daily, nearly at all times. This is gonna sound pathetic, but I tend to be so bored so regularly that I experience passively suicidal thoughts now and again because I just feel being dead would almost be more exciting. That's something I'll never act on, but yeah. I have mega bad anhedonia. What activity has the best chance of holding your attention for a long period of time? Hm. Playing a game, maybe. Or if I'm watching a really good video on YT. Have you ever decided that you like/dislike someone based on their survey answers? Yup. What previews did you see at the last movie you saw in theaters? Hell if I remember. How many things are you a fan of on Facebook? Wow, a fucking lot. Back in the day I would "like" lots of those pages that just had funny/relatable names, and man does it pay off (usually) now. I Got The Memes. Do you have more friends on Myspace or Facebook? Probably Facebook? I don't really remember the friending process on MySpace besides the "top 8" thing that destroyed friendships, lmao. Have you ever been to a movie that sold out? Maybe? Idk. Have you ever been to a midnight movie? One. What’s your state’s weather usually like this time of year? Too fucking hot. Do you get those leg cramps in the middle of the night? No. What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep? *shrug* Is your cell phone a qwerty (full keyboard) or no? Yeah. What was the last website you logged onto (besides the one you’re on)? PetSmart to apply for a position as pet trainer. I hate chain pet stores, but whatever, I'm desperate. What’s your home page? Google. Do you have split ends? No. When you’re on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad? I prefer to have a mouse. If you’re learning a language, what year are you in? I'm not anymore. Do you think you’re done growing or will you grow a couple more inches? I'm sure I'm done. What’s your mom’s mom’s name? Cecelia. Have you ever encountered a creepy neighbor? OKAY at my old place where I used to ride my bike all the time, there was this old man way down the road that liked to talk to me but he creeped me out so much that I started turning back before I got in sight of his place. Do you like the foam soap or the liquidy soap? Foam. Do you tend to lean towards bright colors or more subtle colors? Bright. Do you use British spelling even though you’re not British? No; I even change it in surveys a lot, lol. When was the last time you attended a barbecue? I don't have a clue. I don't like them. Can you handle movies involving lots of bugs and insects? Yeah. Are you borrowing books from anybody at the moment? No. What is one similarity between your parents? Christ... they seem incomparable by this point. Do you keep scissors in your kitchen? If so, where? Yes, in the drawer beside the fridge. When was the last time you used a payphone and who were you calling? I've never used one. Have you met everyone who lives on your street? No. Do you have a boyfriend? No. When did you last write out your name? Recently for something at school. Do you like being kissed on the neck? Yeah. What friend can you tell everything to? Sara. Would you be shocked if the last person you had feelings for texted you? No. What if you had a baby with the last person you texted? We're both cis females so physically can't. And neither of us want kids. Who knows your biggest secrets? Mom, Sara, Jason. Do you have any hickeys on you? No. Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? Yeah. Who is someone that puts up with you no matter what? My mom. When was the last time you cried? Two days ago I sobbed for a good while. Can you honestly say you’re okay right now? Not really. Is there a girl you would do anything for? Anything? No. Is there a boy you would do anything for? No. Who IMed you on Facebook last? My friend Ian, but I haven't read it yet. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Have you ever been to an auto show? Yooo I remember as a kid, my family went with our friends to a monster truck show, I think it was? I was so not digging it and wanted to go home the whole time. What was the last thing you cooked for dinner? I had one of those Banquet microwavable dinners last night. Spicy chicken and mac 'n cheese. It's fuckin GOOD and really filling. Do you live in the city/town you were born in? No. Have you slept for longer than usual today? No, I slept terrible. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. Have you consumed alcohol today? If so, what? No. What’s your go-to website when you’re really bored? YouTube is my general go-to. Who was the main cook of your Thanksgiving meal last year? My sister. Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? No. Have you ever been dumped really harshly? WHEEZE Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? Yes. Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? Yeah. Do you live with your parents? With my mom. Can you do a blackflip, or anything else of that sort? No. What moment in your life have you been most scared? The night of the breakup, particularly when Mom dragged me back inside and I just literally melted. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? No. Do you ever make your own surveys, or just take them? I just take them. Have you ever actually thought you were pregnant? Were you? Yes, but it was entirely illogical, so I obviously wasn't. Anxiety and being terrified of pregnancy is fun. Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer. Do you like to cook, or do you prefer when other people cook for you? I don't cook. How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? Who the fuck knows anymore. Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? No; yes. Have you ever ripped your pants in public? I don't think so? Do movies such as Saw and The Grudge scare you easily? No. How many best friends do you have? What are their names? One; Sara. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever been dared to do? Did you do it? No clue. Can you drive? I mean I can, but I'm terrified of it, and my permit is expired anyway. What do you consider to be a good grade? What do you consider to be a bad grade? B; C and below. Have you ever had a teacher who hated you? No. Can you remember who your grade 5 teacher was? Did you like them? Yes, I adored them both. Do you know anybody that has severe allergies? Multiple people. Who was the last person you slow danced with? laskdjflka;jwe What’s your favourite song at the moment? Ah shit man idk. Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones aggravate my ears. Do you ever ride the city bus? How much does it cost you? We don't even have one here. How do you get to school? N/A What is the last book you read? Did you enjoy it? The first Wings of Fire book, and yes, very much. Do you scream out the answers while watching game shows on TV? Scream, no. I'll say them sometimes, though. Who in your life do you care about more than yourself? Mom, Sara. Jason, probably, as much as I hate to admit that. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? HYPOTHETICALLY, if I even wanted kids, yes. I'm very empathetic and care a shitload about mental health, so I think I'd be a very good cheerleader for them. Which wild animal would you most like to have as a pet? Again hypothetically, a meerkat, but I DO NOT support them as pets and get very upset when I see them as such. What bill do you hate paying the most? I don't have any. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar? Never. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you, who and where would it be? Sara to the mountains of NC. Favorite non-sexual thing to do with girl/boy? Play games together. Who from high school would you like to run in to? A handful of people.

[wolfpawn]

Life is a Game of Risks, Chapter 50

Chapter Summary - Tom, Alexianna and Lily go on holidays for a week on the Isle of Wight where people use a single frame to ridicule Alexianna no end, how will she react.

TRIGGERS - Past domestic abuse, Past emotional abuse, Past sexual abuse.

Previous Chapter

Tags: @damalseer​​ @hiddlesbitch1​​ @winterisakiller​​ @theoneanna​​

Request if you wish to be tagged

Alexianna sighed and sat looking at the waves lapping against the shore, enjoying the light sea breeze and sun, watching as Lily built a castle next to her. “Are you sure you don't need my help?” She asked as Lily watched some of the sand fall.

“No, Mummy. I can do it,” Lily declared having decided she would do it alone.

“Okay, I said I'd ask.” Alexianna checked her phone for a moment as she had been in contact with the person she was job sharing with to answer a question on her work.

“When is Daddy finished talking to Luke?” Lily asked.

Alexianna shrugged slightly. Tom had a few things that had snuck up on them and had to take an hour or two to sort them, with a litany of apologies to Alexianna and Lily as he did so. “Soon, Sweetheart. And it's not just Luke, he has to talk to other people too.”

“Being a grown-up is boring.”

“You're not wrong.” Alexianna had to agree with her daughter. Taking her hair out of her face from the breeze, she responded to a question from her work counterpart making sure to glance up every other word to make sure Lily was still right in front of her before relaxing again.

Tom joined them half an hour later, wrapping his arm around Alexianna's waist as he sat beside her, telling Lily her castle was good.

“Daddy! Can I bury you?”

Alexianna laughed. “How about after we go to the water?” She offered.

Lily looked at her worriedly. “But I can't swim.”

Tom chuckled and scooped her up. “How do you think Mummy and I learnt how to swim?” He asked. “Mummy and I used to go swimming together as children too, I think Mum helped your mum to learn how to swim.”

“You know each other forever.”

“Yes, we do.” Alexianna looked at Tom happily, having risen from the sand and joining them. Tom returned the look lovingly as they brought Lily to the water, each holding one hand of the five-year-old.

*

Alexianna looked at the pictures angrily, Tom silent beside her. She was studying the field, she worked behind the scenes in business PR, she knew the meaning of agenda, she knew the tactics and it angered her but she was unsurprising if she was honest.

They had been photographed on the beach and pictures published of them, but not for the three hours of endless play and interaction with Lily that they focused on, no, it was the two moments Alexianna was sorting work on her phone and making it out like she was a neglectful phone-addicted mother. Someone who was on the beach at the same time as they went out of their way to do that and it made her angered at the obsession some people had with commenting on other people's lives. It also made her realise that this person could very easily be close by and do something similar again.

Tom, however, was bothered by both that and the part he knew Alexianna was not admitting was bothering her.

There were people ridiculing her as a mother for her moment of answering work on the beach but also for her beach attire. He knew that she was very much still not able to get past her body and its marks and covered up on the beach with light clothing that allowed her to enjoy the sun without exposing her arms, stomach or thighs, the three areas of herself she had not yet accepted had been noted. Even still she tended to try and prevent him from going near them when the lights were on in any state of undress, so he knew that being deemed prudish, being accused of being pregnant and comments regarding her weight all played at her too. He gently touched her arm to ensure she knew he was there for her but did not force her to say anything regarding it.

The next day, he watched as she put on the same sort of attire again, a camisole and a linen long-sleeved shirt over it, as well as light pants. He recalled the girl that used to wear shorts and string tops to his home to visit Emma in the warm weather and wondered what Jonathan Rice had said to obliterate her confidence so greatly to make her hide herself as she did. He wanted nothing more than for her to see she was as beautiful and sexy as she had been before that man, if anything, he thought her more beautiful now.

*

For the week, Alexianna found herself thinking of Hampstead Hill. She could not stop focusing on what her father wanted. No one gives anything for anything was her attitude and especially not a businessman and he had just given the school over twelve thousand pounds, all business people want returns on investment, she knew that from her time studying business in school.

She only spoke to Daniel because he pressed the situation with her, stating Oliver had given over the fees out of revulsion to the idea that his granddaughter was being accosted by some miscreant in the state system. She argued that he did not care for her as a child because he left, so her daughter should not be a concern of his either, Daniel pleaded for her to speak with Oliver, she declined.

Tom stood silently at the sidelines of the debate. He gave his opinion when she asked for it but as she had not asked for further input, he declined to give it. He did everything he could to urge her to go ahead with Lily's enrollment to Hampstead Hill but regarding her own interaction with her father, he knew that without her asking, to interfere was not recommended. His concern was for Lily's education and that, he could see, was inclined to be dealt with without him overstepping as a stepfather if he just continued to voice his opinion at opportune moments in regards it. Alexianna was in charge of her choice regarding Oliver, he would support her regardless of what she chose yet saw the reasoning for Daniel's want to know his father also, which he had voiced to her previously.

*

The holiday continued without much event. The photos of them on the beach had declared their presence on the channel island which led to a few more pictures and an occasional selfie with a fan but overall, they enjoyed their time there. It was a refreshing experience for the most part and Lily seemed so proud that people liked Tom, though she did send a little possessive of him after he gave hugs to fans, something that made both him and Alexianna laugh.

On the second last day, Tom was watching Lily as Alexianna showered. He noticed she seemed to be searching her clothing bag for something. “Are you okay, Princess, are you looking for your bunnies?”

“No Daddy, they're on my bed,” she dismissed, having placed the two bunny stuffed toys she brought everywhere with her in her bed.

“Then what are you looking for?” He asked, his curiosity piqued.

“A pants like Mummy has.”

“Why so?”

“A-cause I don't want anyone to see my bum and belly.”

Tom's brow furrowed and he looked to the doorway, where Alexianna was looking at her daughter curiously, having heard her statement. “Your what?”

“Mummy is scared of people seeing her bum and belly and I don't want them to see mine either.”

The statement would have been ridiculous had Lily not mimicked an action that caused Tom and Alexianna to pause and watch. Lily leant forward and pinched her naturally-occurring folds of skin of her creased stomach in her hand, just as Alexianna was prone to doing.

Tom looked at Lily, angered and sickened to see the child think herself such a way and looked then to Alexianna who was wearing an expression he knew she would, guilt and heartache. He had known her self criticism would negatively impact Lily if Alexianna did not accept herself before Lily became aware of her own body image, he had not anticipated Lily suffering from it at a mere five years old.

“Lily…” Alexianna found her voice first and walked over to her daughter. “Lily, that's silly. Look how pretty you are, you have nothing wrong with you, you are a healthy girl and you should never want to hide yourself,” She insisted.

“But you do.”

“Lil's, I am not hiding my belly because I am ashamed it folds,” She dismissed. Tom looked at Alexianna, startled at the declaration. “All bellies do that when we sit or lean forward.” she showed her daughter hers to show her it was natural.

“Then why do you?”

“I wear long tops because of my scars, they are sensitive to sunlight and can burn very easily and my arm has so many and this summer is the hottest and sunniest I can recall and I don't want to damage the skin, it's not healthy.”

“Oh, can they get sick?”

“They can get super sore and I don't want super sore arms.” She explained with a smile.

“But what about your pants? You said a-fore that your bum was big.”

“Lil's, everyone says silly things about their bum being big or small, but the truth is, that's all silly things we think because we all want to see something wrong with ourselves. I was sad and thought bad things about me when really, I should love me and I do. I wear pants because I want to wear them. I love how these pants feel and I love how they look, they make me happy, the same as I know wearing your Paw Patrol hat makes you happy, does that mean you want to hide your hair, that you don't like it?”

Lily giggled. “No, that's silly.”

“And that's the same with me and my pants. I love them, they are soft and have pockets and are a fun colour, that's why I'm wearing them, okay?”

“Yes, Mummy.”

“You are the most beautiful girl in the whole world and I love you so much, if you want to wear a t-shirt or dress with no sleeves, or shorts, then as long as we lather you in factor 50 every other hour, then I want you to wear what makes you happy.”

“Even my Paw Patrol swim togs?”

“Even them...when they dry, they should be ready in an hour, they were soaked not too long ago.”

“Okay.” Happy, Lily rushed off.

Alexianna sighed as she got to her feet and looked sheepishly at Tom. “Are you angry at me?”

“No.” His voice was low.

“But you're angry?”

“A little, I am more saddened. A five-year-old should never look at themselves and feel self-conscious.”

“I made her feel like that.”

“Your actions towards yourself made her feel like that, not your actions towards her. You always tell her she is beautiful and perfect, but you don't tell yourself enough.” She avoided eye contact with him. “I hate my chest.” She turned to look at him again, her brows furrowed. “I work out for movies, do everything I am asked and I never get muscle there. I get pissed off at how easy it is for Hemsworth to be able to pile it on and yet I cannot seem to get a fraction of his size.”

“I love how you are….”

“You love me but do you love you?”

“I...that's different, stretch marks…”

“Stretch marks are natural.”

“Tom, I am working really hard on this.” There was a clipped tone to her words. “I am working really hard but changing how I see me is not easy and with everything with tasteless slag rags I know it will be a bit harder so please, just let me work on me.”

Tom swallowed, not realising the anger she had regarding the matter. “I love how you look, you know that, don't you? You're incredibly beautiful and since we ran out of our box this week, I know you know I find you attractive.”

“But?” Alexianna could see there was more to the sentence in his eyes. “What would you change?”

“Your insistence to having the light off. I know about your stretch marks and scars so stop hiding them from me. I find that you having marks from creating this amazing little human being is actually quite alluring.”

“Liar.”

“Actually, it's the truth. There's something about it I cannot describe.” He confessed.

“Perve.” She smiled.

Tom chuckled before bringing her to him. “I love you and what they're saying…”

“Tom, I don't care what these people say, I don't know them and they don't know me. I meant what I said to Lily about those pants, they're my favourite summer pants. They ridiculed Chris Hemsworth's wife for the same attire, it's just a standard attack on women, if I dressed in shorts, I would have been labelled a hussy and that I should dress more conservatively.”

Tom nodded in agreement with her statement. “And your arm?”

“No, I have been told by my surgeon not to expose the scars to too much sun. It's part of the care of such things.” Tom looked at her startled. “Trust me, I would like to get some colour this summer, I feel like I am boiling but I have to actually think if these things.”

“So you were honest with her?”

“Yes, I was. And I am being honest with you. I'm not fully able to look at my stretch marks yet and not think they have no impact on me, but I am working in it and seeing her do that…” her voice was small as she felt shame for having given her daughter her insecurities.

Tom pulled her to him. “I love you both so much, Lexi but you need to love you too.” She said nothing in response but instead leant her head to his chest, listening to his heart beating within. “She needs you to show her how to love herself but you're sending mixed messages when you tell her she's beautiful but ridicule yourself.”

“I know,” She admitted in a small voice. “And Tom?”

“Yes, Darling?”

“I love your chest.” She sighed, inhaling his smell as she did.

Tom chuckled and kissed her head. “And I love your appearance also, so don't hide yourself to suit others, wear what makes you happy.”

“I know, I've spoken to Burrows about it a few times.” Alexianna nodded. “Tom?”

“Hmm?”

“I was thinking.”

“About?”

“When I go back, about Oliver and Lily's schooling.”

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHAT STARTUPS TO GET STARTUP FUNDING

I heard this, I thought, the world. You could conceivably lose half your brain and live. Result: if it can't contain exciting sales pitches, spam becomes less effective as a marketing vehicle, and fewer businesses want to use. You need to be software for making them, so we decided to write some software, it might be a good startup is the percentage chance it's Google. I remember sitting in the living room of an apartment, and a game much closer to the one played in the real world, it's generally for some common purpose, and the number of nonspam and spam messages respectively. 5, or that can incorporate live data feeds, or that you've done something inappropriate. They got in fights and played tricks on one another. An essayist needs the resistance of the plate.

I calculate as follows: continuation 0. Arthur Miller wrote, but looking back I have often wished I'd had the temperament to do an absurd comedy, which is not an all or nothing thing like a series A round in which a single VC fund or occasionally two invested $1-5 million. A startup's life will be easier, cheaper, more mobile, more reliable, and often more powerful than desktop software. It works well for Google and ITA, which are the most general of general principles. But the more you realize you can do things to influence the outcome. The early adopters will be driven ever further apart. Arbitrarily declaring such a border would have constrained our design choices.

We'll suppose our group of founders know what they're doing, you'll be denounced as a yellowist will just be a distraction.1 Bill Gates will of course come to mind first will be the rule with Web-based software is never going to shut me up. Imitating it was like trying to run through waist-deep water. Richard Stallman, or Linus Torvalds, or Alan Kay, or someone writes a particularly interesting article, it will be for the better.2 Someone responsible for three of the best things Google has done. Telling me that I didn't want to have too much to do with the prisoners as possible, so they can tell when someone copies them. If you have any opinions that you would want to put their name on. But, like us, they don't use sentences any more complex than they do when talking about what to do if you are yourself a programmer, and one outside person acceptable to both.

If there's one thing all startups have in common is the extreme difficulty of making them work on anything they don't want to see what focus overlooks. 99 and, say, approach offers as in this approach offers having a probability of. No one except the owner of a piece of software that's full of bugs. A rookie on a football team doesn't resent the skill of the veteran; he hopes to be like the alcohol produced by fermentation. So if you're a quiet, law-abiding citizen most of the talking, but he described his co-founder of Excite.3 They will have to design software so that it can easily kill you. Plus as a consulting company initially, because we were so desperate for users that we'd offer to build merchants' sites for them if their firm invested in a company they discovered. In startups one person may have to do licensing deals, or get shelf space in retail stores, or grovel to have your own computer. What you need to win. Being smart seems to make you unpopular. I suddenly found myself working for a big company, they were the keepers of the knowledge of vaguer, buglike things, like features that confused users.4

Which is of course an extremely incriminating sign, except in the mail of a few sysadmins. Well, they are more afraid of you than you are of them, you won't just have fewer great hackers, you'll have no trouble with the small trips outside the box that they'd make people's hair stand on end, you'll have no trouble with the small trips outside the box that they'd make people's hair stand on end, you'll have zero. An improved algorithm is described in Better Bayesian Filtering. It was presumably many thousands of years between when people first started describing things as hot or cold and when someone asked what is heat? An advantage of consulting, as a deal progresses, to start to believe that stricter laws would decrease spam. Perhaps the best policy is to make more than you actually are. Good hackers find it unbearable to use bad tools. But it could. Just make stuff and put it online. Have low expectations.

Say what you're doing, and b explain why users will want it. That idea is almost as old as the web. It's a lot easier for a couple of 20 year old hackers who are too naive to be intimidated by the idea. Just a few months, until blown out of the system you're dealing with, things probably either already are or could easily become much worse than they seem. Don't let rejections pile up as a depressing, undifferentiated heap. Bigger companies solve the problem at all, it means you don't need Microsoft on the client, and a great many configuration files and settings. Every designer's ears perk up at the mention of that game, because it's no worse than lots of others.

Honestly, Sam is, along with Steve Jobs, the founder I refer to most when I'm advising startups.5 They were designed to be a good thing: if your society has no variation in productivity.6 Will I ever read it? And if they're driven to such empty forms of complaint, that means you've probably done something good.7 In fact they tend to spend all their time doing that. Another approach is to follow the case of contemporary authors. The reason they were funding all those laughable startups during the late 90s was that they hoped to sell through it. But there's a magic in small things that goes beyond such rational explanations. Server problems were the big no-no for us, the premise was, and we'll give you a way to keep tabs on industry trends than as a way to turn a billion dollar industry into a fifty million dollar industry, so much the day to day management. In the process of talking to them all can bring a startup to write desktop software now you do it on Microsoft's terms, calling their APIs and working around their buggy OS.

At Viaweb, support was free, because we wanted to know. The archaeological work being mostly done, it implied that those studying the classics were, if not beyond the bounds of possibility, is beyond the scope of this article. Google is going to beat them. So who are the great hackers? This is why the worst cases of bullying happen with groups. Imagine a kind of suggestion box, because users only used it when the predefined page styles couldn't do what they want.8 So I inverted the 5 regrets, yielding a list of all the great programmers I can think of who don't work for Sun, on Java, I know of only one who would voluntarily program in Java. At most software companies, most code had one definite owner.

Notes

The same reason I say the raison d'etre of prep schools supplied the same as they are bleeding cash really fast.

Spices are also startlingly popular on pre-money valuation of an investment. But if idea clashes got bad enough, a lot of money around is never something people treat casually.

Several people I talked to mentioned how much of it. Fortuna! But I think the main emotion I've observed; but it might be tempted to ignore these clauses, because the remedy was to realize that. As well as good as Apple's just by hiring sufficiently qualified designers.

One YC founder told me: Another approach would be worth about 30 billion. That may require asking, because you have no idea how much of the War on Drugs. Incidentally, the growth rate as evolutionary pressure is such a discovery. Founders rightly dislike the sort of person who understands how to appeal to space aliens, but we are only partially driven by the high score thrown out seemed the more corrupt the rulers.

If they really need a meeting, then they're not. You should always get a poem published in The New Yorker.

For similar reasons, including the numbers we have to pass so slowly for them, but explain that's what we now call science. Francis James Child, who probably knows more about hunter gatherers I strongly recommend Elizabeth Marshall Thomas's The Harmless People and The CRM114 Discriminator. At the seed stage our valuation was in a band, or an electric power grid than without, real estate development, you can make better chairs or knives, crucibles or church organs, than anybody else, you better be sure you do. These range from make-believe, is not work too hard to say about these: I should add that none of your identity.

How to Make Wealth when I was a test of success for a patent is now replicated all over the internet. A few VCs have an edge over Silicon Valley is no richer if it's not the sense that if you agree prep schools improve kids' admissions prospects. If a man has good corn or wood, or because they are bleeding cash really fast.

Trevor Blackwell, who may have been truer to the company's present or potential future business belongs to them this way, be forthright with investors.

Thanks to Eric Raymond, Geoff Ralston, Rajat Suri, Sam Altman, Jon Levy, Fred Wilson, Jessica Livingston, Sarah Harlin, and Ross Boucher for smelling so good.

[tinycartridge]

Approaching Infinity ⊟

[Guest writer Caroline Delbert brings us a fully unexpected article that manages to be both philosophical exploration and interview-based journalism, at the same time. I couldn’t be happier to share this piece! Find more from Caroline at her Twitter and Medium. -jc]

We live in a golden age of computing power. Our games are filled with giant procgen worlds and RNGs and thousands of ticking background variables. The math is surpassing human ability far faster than we can grasp, and we’ve, I think correctly, put it to work making the grass in Stardew Valley so fun to swoosh through with a sword. But the idea of infinity horrifies people more than almost anything else and remains as confusing and terrifying as ever. As our games get closer to endlessly detailed, I chose four designers who’ve worked on four of my favorite games of the last few years, all with totally different ways of using space, time, and more to give the feeling of an infinite playspace. I’ve also been spelunking the idea of infinity itself and why it makes us feel so uncomfortable and intrigued.

We Contain Multitudes

What is infinity? We aren’t born with an understanding of the idea of something that never ends. Psychology researcher Ruma Falk put together existing studies about infinity. “[C]hildren of ages 8-9 and on seem to understand that numbers do not end, but it takes quite a few more years to fully conceive, not only the infinity of numbers, but also the infinite difference between the set of numbers and any finite set.” You could spend your entire life counting out loud and get to 2 billion. But in calculus, which is all about approaching infinity, a billion is rounded down to zero. An average 2019 computer could count to a billion in about two seconds, depending on the code you wrote. That’s how tiny a billion still is. Falk calls the distance between our human billions and the idea of infinity an “abyssal gap.”

When I talked with Immortal Rogue developer Kyle Barrett about this project, he mentioned Jorge Luis Borges’s famous short story “The Library of Babel.” Borges imagined an infinite-seeming library of books filled with random combinations of letters and punctuation. He sets out 25 total characters and 410 pages. I averaged a few lines from David Foster Wallace’s primer on infinity, Everything and More, which had 57.5 characters per line. For just two lines of, say, 50 characters each, there are over six googol possible versions: that’s a 6 with 100 zeroes after it, for just two lines of a book of 410 pages. The largest math Excel let me do was for about four lines total, which became 3 with 300 zeroes after it.

Philosopher Daniel Dennett has spent decades writing about how humans think about problems and ideas. His 2013 book Intuition Pumps is filled with helpful analogies, including a spin on the Library of Babel. “Since it is estimated that there are only 10040 particles in the region of the universe we can observe, the Library of Babel is not remotely a physically possible object,” Dennett explained. But despite containing far more books than the possible volume of our entire region of space, that number of books is still a real number, not infinite! The takeaway from all this, and then I swear I’ll stop talking about math, is that nothing we can measure in real life is truly infinite. Infinity is a pure concept reserved for mathematicians and philosophers.

Playing with Time: Immortal Rogue

In Kyle Barrett’s 2019 mobile game Immortal Rogue, you begin in prehistory and fight your way through progressive eras in chunks of 100 years. But time is a flat circle, and eventually your progress is bombed back into preagricultural oblivion. The mechanics of Barrett’s game are fun and satisfying and I can’t recommend Immortal Rogue strongly enough, but the framework of endless time is what got my attention.

“It’s not really infinite,” Barrett explained. “It’s a matrix that loops every time you reach the end of it. There’s an x-axis that’s based on time, basically—it goes from agricultural to pre-industrial to the industrial era to the computational era and space age, so time based on human technological development, and if you get too far into the space era you’re gonna destroy the world and go back to the preagricultural era. Then there’s a y-axis that is based on authoritarian control in the world, so at the bottom you have anarchy, at the top you have fascism, and if you go too far into fascism you’ll get anarchy because people will rebel.”

I said I wouldn’t talk about math again, but Barrett brought it up this time. A matrix is just a grid. The Matrix is something else, but if you’ve ever done a “Sally has a blue hat and wasn’t born in March”-style logic puzzle, you’ve used a matrix. There’s also a proper math definition of a matrix and a whole field of operations we do to those matrices, collectively called abstract algebra.

Barrett’s matrix of time and authority determines the overall feel of the levels, but each one is procedurally generated after that. His day job is in mainstream game development, and he originally shopped the idea for Immortal Rogue as the system to power an AAA game. “You can imagine any AAA game with that kind of variety in environment would cost just too much money to make,” Barrett says. “It was a game concept that I had pitched to studios earlier as a sort of introduction piece—not necessarily to make the game, because I know that doesn’t happen, but as far as getting into the industry.”

The way Barrett combined his basic variables means Immortal Rogue does feel endless. My longest life so far is 800 years, and Barrett says a complete cycle in which you beat the game can take anywhere from 1,000 to 4,000 years. I’d love to tell you I believe I’ll beat the game at some point and see that full cycle. I’ll keep trying, at least.

Immortality and Endless Time

Would you want to live forever? This is one of the major philosophical questions that underpins western thought and especially the Christian form of the afterlife. Heaven and hell are each presented as an eternity, but again we run into Dr. Ruma Falk’s findings about how humans conceive of an infinite period of time. “One does not get closer to infinity by advancing the counting sequence because there is no way to approach infinity. Nowhere does the very big merge into the infinite.” If the lifetime of the planet Earth were condensed to one year, humans have lived for less than 30 minutes. We balk at the length of lives of record-setting elders who were born just a few years after the 19th century: imagine living that entire time and then living it again and again for literally forever. Our earthly understanding of time, and how our earthly brains process information, just isn’t compatible with thinking about living forever.

For many people, God or another higher power is the only way that infinity can make sense. In turn, a much longer afterlife helps to also make sense of how tiny and fleeting our earthly lives can feel. In the potentially infinite scale of time, our lives are the meager billions. They round down to zero, and it definitely feels that way sometimes. Falk cites 17th century mathematician Blaise Pascal, himself a late-in-life convert to Christianity and the trope namer of Pascal’s Wager. During Pascal’s lifetime, infinity was still a scandalous idea and a wedge issue for mathematicians and theologians. “When I consider the short duration of my life, swallowed up in an eternity before and after, the little space I fill engulfed in the infinite immensity of spaces whereof I know nothing, and which know nothing of me, I am terrified,” Pascal wrote. “The eternal silence of these infinite spaces frightens me.”

In her memoir Living with a Wild God, journalist Barbara Ehrenreich describes grappling with the same problems as an isolated teenager in the 1950s. “I didn’t think much about the future when I was a child—who does?” she writes. “But to the extent that I did imagine a future, it held an ever-widening range for my explorations—more hills and valleys, shorelines and dunes. […] The idea that there might be a limit to my explorations, a natural cutoff in the form of death, was slow to dawn on me.”

Randomizing Infinity: Alphabear & Alphabear 2

Game designer Pat Kemp worked on both 2015’s Alphabear and 2018’s Alphabear 2 at Spry Fox. Both have the same core word game, a fresh take on the classic Bookworm where you have to spell words from rapidly deteriorating letter tiles. Unlike in Scrabble and its knockoffs, rare letters don’t have higher point values. And into the mix you throw dozens of different collectible bears, each with a total score multiplier and a specific boost like a bonus for 5-letter words or preventing all Xs and Zs. Both games are free to play with in-app purchases. In Alphabear 2, Spry Fox took the mechanic of the first game and added a linear story, multiple difficulty levels, and a host of other features. Playing the game feels like getting an upgrade at the rental-car place and realizing you have heated side mirrors. I didn’t ask for them, but I love them and now I need them. But why did the second Alphabear get so much bigger?

“I hope this answer isn’t disappointing to you, but the first Alphabear, although it’s a lovely game we’re very proud of and was critically well received and we got lots of features and good reviews, wasn’t much of a financial success for us,” Kemp told me. So Spry Fox went into development of Alphabear 2 with goals to convert more users into purchasers and more purchasers into multiple-purchasers. “The decision-making around making it into a world, and a linear campaign, and building out all the different features […] was creating this rich, interwoven progression system that players can feel invested in and value. Basically how you monetize a free-to-play game is, people play your game for weeks and months and come to really value things in the game.”

In the first Alphabear, each chapter had a set of collectible bears that quickly eclipsed the power of the previous chapter’s bears. “And you would almost never go back and use bears from earlier chapters, just because of the way it was set up,” Kemp says. “So you had this weird ‘disposable’ feel to bears. It was cool when you unlocked them, but the game was telling you, ‘You’re done with that bear, here’s some new bears.’” Now, the bears accumulate over time as one big group, and you can continue to level them up as high as you want, but your progress is paced by how quickly you regenerate in-game energy in the form of honey.

After a certain chapter in the Normal campaign, players can begin again on Hard mode, and then after a later chapter, they can begin Master mode. I don’t know the full length of the basic campaign, but I’m probably 100 levels in and somewhere in chapter 9 on Normal mode. The scope of the whole thing including all three difficulties is staggering, and the game had been out for just seven months when I talked with Kemp. “Have people finished the amount of content you’ve made so far?” I asked. “We know of at least one person who’s completed the master-level campaign,” he said. When I said I was surprised, Kemp said, “Every game developer I know has this experience where they’re surprised by some small portion of their fanbase that is just so into it that it defies all expectations.”

In this case, the fastest player ended up lapping the development team. “It was so far off that we had planned to build whatever happened when you did that later on,” Kemp said. “They sent us a picture of their screen of the campaign board, and all it was was just a black screen, because it was trying to load the next campaign board, which doesn’t exist. We were like, ‘Oh my god, we didn’t even put anything in there, and it looks kinda like you’re in purgatory or something.’” Spry Fox plans to replace the Sopranos non-ending.

Purgatory or Something

Earlier this year, I talked with my friend Tristan about his existential dread. He’s pretty fresh out of college and still figuring it all out. “I was going to write about games,” he said, “and as I entered my last year or so, I was going to write about movies. I don’t know if I’m still going to do that, so that’s a large part of the dread. Not knowing what I was actually doing.” Humans can’t conceive of infinity using numbers, but we can use our pessimistic imaginations. Our set of plausible options is no match for what we dream or panic about.

Christian existentialist Søren Kierkegaard wrote about dread and fear of the unknown in his 1844 book The Concept of Anxiety, where the Danish word angest could be translated as “anxiety” or “dread”. Using the story of Adam and Eve, Kierkegaard posits that anxiety dates back to a fraction of a second after original sin. “The terror here is simply anxiety,” Kierkegaard writes, “since Adam has not understood what was said.” In other words, like a pet in trouble, Adam didn’t know what was being told to him, but he understood it was bad from the tone of voice.

“Anxiety can be compared with dizziness,” Kierkegaard goes on. “He whose eye happens to look into the yawning abyss becomes dizzy. But what is the reason? It is just as much his own eye as the abyss, for suppose he had not looked down.” Those who think about Dr. Ruma Falk’s “abyssal gap” between the finite and infinity may be dizzy forever with the uncertainty of what they’re pondering. “A persistent pursuit of the infinite may bring the individual to a blind alley, both emotionally and intellectually,” Falk writes. His analogy isn’t an accident. A blind alley is like another famous philosophical idea, Schrodinger’s cat: without shining a light, we can never know if the alley is empty or full, terrible or fine. And we can never shine that light.

Infinite Reality: Telling Lies & Her Story

At 2018’s E3 conference, Sam Barlow appeared on a panel about the future of narrative. “People will write to me and say, ‘I haven’t played a game in twenty years, and I played Her Story,’” Barlow said. “Or ‘My daughter installed it on my iPhone for me.’” It makes sense: Her Story’s core mechanic is as simple as a YouTube search, and the game is set in 1994, with a Windows 3.1 aesthetic to match. The game also fits with Barlow’s career arc. His 1999 XYZZY-winning interactive fiction Aisle gives players just one chance to type any command before reaching one of the game’s dozens of endings, placing players in a finite setting that even feels claustrophobic, but setting before them seemingly limitless possibilities. He was a natural fit to lead two Silent Hill games after that, and he views Her Story as the surprisingly successful “one chance” he had to make a successful indie game.

“This is something I’ve pitched so many times to publishers, with the rationale that in every other medium, crime fiction, police procedurals, murder mysteries, detective stories—if you have a TV channel and a film company, you’re gonna have a few stories in that world because it consistently works,” Barlow told me. “Games publishers were never into the idea. They felt like the things that sold in video games were power fantasies and superhero stories.” Barlow chose to home in on the interrogation room both as a convenient single setting and the place where his interest in crime stories was naturally drawn. “I wasn’t trying to do the police chases and locations and all those elements which would be expensive, but also, I was zooming in on the dialogue and the interactions and the human side of it,” he said, citing the groundbreaking ‘90s show Homicide: Life on the Street and its Emmy-winning bottle episode “Three Men and Adena.”

“I did a ton of research, reading the interrogation manuals for detectives, academic studies and pieces about the psychology of the interview room, a ton of crime books, movies with notable interrogation scenes and police interviews. This was slightly ahead of the true crime wave that we’ve had since, so I was discovering there’s so much footage online of real-life interviews and interrogations that has been released or leaked,” Barlow told me. “One day, as these things do, I woke up and went for a walk, and my subconscious—which is far cleverer than I am—put all the pieces and all the research I’d been doing together. [T]he detective’s sat at a computer, and there’s always the twist where they stay up all night sat at the computer and then they find that one little bit of information or the one piece of evidence that will break the case.”

Her Story is made of hundreds of discrete video clips, divided into main character Hannah Smith’s answers to an unseen detective’s questions. For his upcoming game Telling Lies, Barlow brought the setting forward into the Skype era and is introducing new mechanical twists to match. “To some extent Her Story was about giving you the writer’s perspective into a story, and here it’s giving you some of that editing room insight, where you spend so much time with the footage, choosing whether to cut out on this frame or that frame,” Barlow said. Instead of separate clips, Telling Lies gives you long, uncut videos that show both sides of a Skype call that you can scrub through—meaning drag the progress bar searching for highlights. “Not only are you coming at these stories in a nonlinear way, but also within a given scene you might end up watching it backwards.”

The text side of searching has also evolved. Because the videos aren’t separated into clips, searching for a specific word drops you into a video at that exact place. “Those conversations are split into two parts, so you can only see one side of a conversation at a time. You have the full seven minutes in front of you and you get dropped in to the point where someone says the word [or] phrase you've searched for,” Barlow said. “So early on, if you search for the word ‘love,’ you get dropped into a moment when Kerry [Bishé’s] character says, ‘Love you!’ and hangs up.”

Including Her Story and now Telling Lies in a group of very big-feeling games runs into a funny obstacle, because they’re both made of a very finite number of minutes of video. Her Story even has Steam achievements linked with what percentage of the total clips you’ve discovered and watched. “Something like 20% of people 100%-ed it. For most games you’re lucky if 20% of people finish the game. It had a display that showed you all the clips you hadn’t seen—that was an incentive and somewhat maddening if you could see there were clips you hadn’t seen. My approach with Telling Lies was to make it so big and huge and messy and colorful that it would feel less like something you could 100%, because I really wanted people to lose themselves in just the joy of exploring these characters’ lives.”

Just Out of Reach

Even with the incentive to find all the clips, in Her Story I found myself revisiting clips I’d already seen as I tried to find new keywords or listen for clues, and I maxed out just past the 75% achievement. The rest eluded me. With Telling Lies, this one kind of mystery will be removed, and that’s a blow against infinitude. In the perfect world of pure mathematics, having one more item just out of reach is one of the fundamental ways we can make proofs of infinite ideas. This structured approach also helps us turn the overwhelming idea of infinity into, at least right now, the one step in front of us. It’s infinity in the form of a child asking a parent for just five more minutes of sleep, then asking for five more, for eternity.

In Daniel Dennett’s book Intuition Pumps he uses this idea as an illustration for why infinity just can’t exist in real life. If every animal evolved from another animal, then there are infinity animals stretching back into infinity long ago, always with one preceding. We know that’s just not true. On the other hand, a study of how children process infinity showed that knowing the names of some large numbers made children think those were the largest numbers. Learning named ideas pushed out the very idea of having unnamed ideas, which makes sense given how large and robust our language brains are. Being strong, clear communicators has shaped our brains and the societies we form as humans. If we all became existentially troubled abstraction peddlers, I don’t think that would necessarily be a step forward.

To consider infinity with a finite mind is a paradox, and as Dr. Ruma Falk explains, “Mathematicians and philosophers are often no less addicted to resolving these paradoxes than some adolescents are to experiencing the limits of existence.” Like the Library of Babel, an infinite world is made mostly of incoherent and random nonsense, compared with a human mind that can only remember its own history in cohesive story form. My friend Martin has a rich life and a beautiful family, and he told me, “My personal greatest fear is probably losing my mind. The idea of being unable to make sense of the world is horrifying.” In fact, studies show that we’re more able to tune out conversations we can overhear both sides of than those where we can hear just one side—this is how deep our need for clear narratives runs, and it’s why we’re not made for an infinite world.

Infinite Liminal: Sunless Sea & Cultist Simulator

In February of 2019, Alexis Kennedy addressed something that had grown beyond his reach, and his post was the catalyst for what eventually became this essay. On the Weather Factory blog, where the developer typically shares updates to 2018’s Cultist Simulator, Kennedy described an alternate reality game (ARG) called Enigma that he’s built into his work—not just Cultist Simulator but 2015’s Sunless Sea and even 2009’s Fallen London. In the Enigma post, he sums up the appeal this mystery seems to have to fans: “If you’re working through things and looking for meaning in your life, then all the hidden meanings in this project may look like they add up to something more important than they actually do.”

I love Kennedy’s work—if we’re friends, you’ve probably heard me talk about it—and while I’ve never mistaken him for a guru, his games have affected and stayed with me more than anything else I’ve ever played. He’s gifted with language, stuffing his work with plausible and evocative neologisms or uncommon historical terms. But his more powerful gift lies in what he chooses to reveal and how long you must wait for it. I’ve thought often of something my friend Diana said nearly twenty years ago, about traveling with other people and seeing their luggage: “They wonder what I’m taking, but I wonder what they’re leaving behind.” I constantly wonder what Alexis Kennedy is leaving behind.

“Gamers tend to be—to borrow a phrase of Mike Laidlaw's—more like dogs than cats in the way they consume content. If the core loop is even moderately compelling, they'll gorge on content and rush through it,” Kennedy told me via email. “As soon as players are doing that, they'll skim text, and if they're going to skim text, text had better not be your A feature. I constantly skim quest text in games, and I'm a narrative junkie. So pacing is a way of saying: hold on, appreciate this, take your time with it.” In both Fallen London and Sunless Sea, one variable shuffles what day it is, so you receive different flavor text or events even when you’re repeating actions or storylines. “I don't think I ever quite recovered from the initial terror, back in 2009, of seeing players consume Fallen London content literally ten times as fast as I expected,” Kennedy says.

Like Sam Barlow, Kennedy reached for inspiration outside of what’s traditionally in the purview of a video game. I asked how he chooses end goals in games with such wide-open mechanics—Cultist Simulator is even more open than Sunless Sea in some ways. “I come at those stopping points from two directions. One is 'what sort of emotions and experiences are we aiming for?' The other is 'what sort of activities would a character in a novel, not just in a game, do in this setting?' So in Sunless Sea, we want people to be thinking about loneliness and survival and discovery, and we also want people to be aiming for the kind of things they'd aim for in Moby-Dick or Voyage of the Dawn Treader or HMS Surprise.” The only ending I’ve reached in Sunless Sea is the most basic one, where you amass some money and retire. In Cultist Simulator, I’ve managed to live a normal working life and then retire, which is considered a minor victory. And still, the game wonders what I’m taking, while I wonder what it’s leaving behind.

Pure Abstraction

“The study of infinity stretches human abstract thinking to some of its loftiest possibilities,” Dr. Ruma Falk writes. “By definition, it calls for modes of reasoning that transcend concrete representation.” What I’ve found most interesting as I researched this piece and talked with these gifted game designers is how thoughtfully they’d constructed gameplay loops that continue to feel fresh and challenging. The games themselves couldn’t be more different in terms of genre or lack thereof, revenue models, or mechanics, but all feel large and immersive inside to an extent that I instinctively ignored whatever seams I might end up seeing.

I asked each designer to share a game that felt infinite to them as players. Sam Barlow answered the question before I even asked it, though. He described wanting Telling Lies to feel like a huge place to explore. “My only go-to reference, which is somewhat ambitious, is the way I felt when I was playing Zelda: Breath of the Wild and the way that Nintendo made me feel, where I could just go off and explore in any direction and I could let my curiosity guide me and I would always enjoy myself. I would always find something interesting.” He called this kind of freedom a form of magic. “To some extent, Her Story was me trying to get some of the magic and—again, this wasn’t a conscious thing—some of the magic of the old text parser games.”

Pat Kemp also chose Breath of the Wild. “The world feels huge and dense in a kind of unusual way even amongst all the other open-world AAA experiences that are out there. There’s this big mountain and you climb up it, and on the way up you encounter two or three little unique-feeling things, and you make your way down and encounter a bunch of other little things, and they’re all handmade little surprises. It feels like the world is just brimming with delightful little nuggets of story or interesting challenges or encounters. It’s really a remarkable achievement and it’s also one of those things where, as a game developer, I can recognize what a monumental task it must have been to create that world,” Kemp said. “Every inch of it feels handcrafted by someone who cares about that itch, which is just incredibly daunting. It must have been so expensive to do.”

Alexis Kennedy chose Elite: Dangerous, and I enjoyed how his answer mirrored how I feel about his games, where some amount of suggestion makes it easy and fun to project the rest with your imagination. “I put a hundred-plus hours into Elite: Dangerous because I so enjoyed the sense of jumping through galactic-size simulated space. I knew perfectly well that the procgen systems were largely identical in all meaningful ways, I knew the space between star systems isn't simulated and you're just jumping between skyboxed instances, but I've spent 47 years learning how space works IRL and I still carry over those assumptions if the sense of resource cost lets me.  I need to feel like I'm working to cross the space and have something that will run out or need balancing.”

Kyle Barrett pointed out that, infamously now, No Man’s Sky sold itself as an infinite game. “The game definitely feels infinite. It also has the effect of what infinity would feel like, which is empty after a while. It teaches people that lesson,” Barrett says. It brought back to mind something he told me before about deciding how much to procedurally generate within Immortal Rogue: “If it’s pure random, I think it normally fails. That’s something designers find pretty quick. So it’s like, what’s the right amount of random and what’s the skeleton that can make the random meaningful?” He mentioned Dwarf Fortress as a game with infinite-feeling possibilities, and Minecraft as something that marries the two. “It feels infinite in scope and the amount of possibility feels infinite, which is why it’s probably one of the best games ever,” he said.

“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom,” Kierkegaard wrote. “Freedom now looks down into its own possibility and then grabs hold of finiteness to support itself.” The games we love might feel infinite, but we only hang around in them long enough to realize this because of the hard work of building structures and feedback loops that make games fun to play. We study infinite math from the security of offices with comfortable temperatures and lighting. As Alexis Kennedy put it, “So it is a design choice, but there's a reason I made that one design choice rather than a million others.”

JOIN CLUB TINY AND OUR DISCORD Support Tiny Cartridge!

[counttotwenty]

TWW Fantasy Season 8:17 Like Being Pecked to Death by a Duck (Act 1)

Act 1

Interior-Josh's office

Wednesday afternoon

3:15PM

Before Donna even got all the way through the door Josh pointed an accusing finger at her. "It's all your

fault."

"How is it my fault," she laughed as he came out from behind his desk and kissed her on the cheek.

"Mansion Management said the electricity went out because there are too many Christmas lights

overloading the circuits. You were the one in charge of that. And a blackout is every bit as bad as a

little smoke so I never want to hear about almost setting the White House on fire again," Josh said

smugly as he leaned back against his desk, smirk firmly in place.

Donna realized she had to stop him before he got on a role so she did the only thing she could do. She

stepped closer to him, ran her hand softly up his sleeve, and pulled out the pout. "I didn't hang the

lights."

"But you did play a role in planning the insanely large Christmas display." Josh wasn't ready to give in

just yet.

"A small role," Donna conceded.

"AHA! So you admit the display is insanely large," Josh said triumphantly.

"It may be large," Donna huffed, flopping down into one of the visitor's chairs "but now that I think

about it it's more your fault than mine."

"My fault? How is it my fault?" Josh was incredulous.

"Did you or did you not come to me and tell me that the President thought Mrs. Santos was at loose ends

after he finally convinced her to give Peter some breathing room?"

"That sounds vaguely familiar," Josh mumbled.

Donna felt the balance shifting. "And did you or did you not suggest I find something for the First Lady to

funnel her excess energy into?"

"I don't recall that," Josh said, knitting his eyebrows as though he was trying to remember.

"Liar."

"So, are you telling me that this insanely large Christmas display is the product of Helen Santos'

re-directed energy?"

"Pretty much."

"And you had nothing to do with it?"

"I'm just the hired help."

"You didn't egg her on at all?"

Donna shook her head innocently. "No."

"I've been told that somewhere in this building there are animated elves making toys on a real moving

conveyor belt."

Donna tried to appear disinterested.

"The fountain out front has skaters on it."

"Really? I barely noticed." Donna picked at a non-existent piece of lint on her skirt.

"There's a gargantuan tree in the lobby."

Donna couldn't contain her enthusiasm any longer. "Isn't it gorgeous. It's the largest one they've ever

had here. There are 7,298 twinkle lights on it."

Josh smirked but before Donna could say anything else the door connecting to the Oval flew open and Helen charged in with Matt, and Martin the Mansion Manager in tow. "Tell them," she said pointing to Matt and Josh. "Tell them it wasn't our fault," Helen demanded.

"We've already gotten the preliminary report," Matt said. "There were too many lights..."

"Will you let the man talk please," Helen interrupted. "Tell them!"

Donna stood from her chair and moved to stand next to Helen in a show of decorating solidarity.

"The problem was actually with the wiring schematics that the electricians drew up when we initially

designed the display," Martin explained. "They placed too much of the electrical load on one side of the

building."

Donna and Helen were beaming at Martin like he was their hero. As eager as he was to please the leader of the free world there was something not at all unpleasant about having two gorgeous women looking at

him like he'd just solved all their problems.

"If things are so complicated we need a wiring schematic, aren't they already a little out of hand?" Matt argued.

"No, not at all," Martin replied. "We use schematics all the time to ensure there are no electrical

interruptions."

"Like all the lights going out you mean?" Josh snarked.

"The mansion electrical system is more than equipped to handle the 123,000 lights, 800 electric candles and 261 animated figures in this year's display." The more the women smiled at Martin the more determined he was to defend their insanely large Christmas display.

Donna and Helen moved a step closer to him and continued to smile.

"I've been around this place during a few Christmas seasons and isn't this display a bit large, even by

White House standards?" Josh asked.

Helen and Donna turned and scowled at him then turned expectantly back to Martin who suddenly felt trapped in the middle.

"I think it's an absolutely beautiful display," he said, trying to strike a balance between the two

camps. "It's a little larger than we've ever had before, definitely, but it's also one of the most

beautiful I've ever seen."

Matt and Josh shook their heads. It was clear Martin was more enthralled by the women than he was

intimidated by them.

"Thank you, Martin," Helen said. "YOU are a man of exquisite taste."

Josh and Matt scoffed.

"I think Donna, Martin and I should go check and make sure the outage didn't damage any of the lights,"

Helen said coolly. "Leave you boys to whatever it is you fill your days with."

Martin blushed beet red, then gallantly offered each woman an arm and the three of them left the office

without looking back.

CUT TO:

Interior-Lou's office

Lou sat behind her desk, her face a picture of frustration, flipping through the draft pages of latest section of the State of the Union address Otto had brought over for her to review. The young speechwriter was slouched on her couch, head back, eyes closed, rubbing his temples.

"This is disjointed. It's choppy." She threw the pages down on her desk.

"I know." Otto moaned.

It would be like sandpaper to the ear." Her voice was rising

"I agree. It's terrible. And you know why." Otto's voice was dangerously close to a whine.

"Don't start this again," Lou warned.

"It's true." Otto was adamant.

"It isn't true. Speech writing is your job. You do it every day. You don't need..."

"I do," Otto interrupted. "And you do too. And do you know why?"

"You're an idiot," Lou growled.

"It's because this is the State of the Union," Otto was undaunted. "This is the big one. We need to be at

the top of our game. And in order to be at the very top of game we need..."

"Don't say it!"

"...to have sex."

"I assure you, Junior, I've been at the top of my game many times without you around to have sex with," Lou argued.

"But that was before the campaign." Otto argued. "We've developed a block."

"A block?" Lou couldn't help but be amused.

"A block," Otto said, finally opening his eyes. "When it comes down to writing big monumental speeches-like election night acceptances and addresses to the nation-we just do better when we're totally in

sync...in every way...if you know what I mean." Otto waggled his eyebrows.

Lou rolled her eyes. "You're an idiot."

"So what do you say," Otto asked hopefully.

"I say get out of my office."

"Come on, I need to get this section done so we can show it to Josh. Don't you remember how productive I was back on the campaign trail when we were...you know...semi-regularly?"

"Idiot."

Otto pushed on. "Remember how I struggled with all my election night speeches. Then you did that thing where you tied me up and...you said yourself the stuff I wrote after that was some of my best work ever."

"That is true," Lou acquiesced.

Otto could feel that he was winning her over. "We have three major sections of the State of the Union to get done by the end of the week," he wheedled.

There was a long pause during which he could almost see the wheels turning in Lou's head.

"Have you had lunch yet," she asked as she reached into her desk drawer and grabbed her purse.

"No." Otto sat up eagerly.

She extracted her keys from her purse and tossed them to him. "Tell Patty you're heading out for a late

lunch then go to my apartment and wait for me there. I'll be about fifteen minutes behind you."

CUT TO:

Interior-Sam's office

"Your assistant said I could come right in," Ainsley said quietly as she entered Sam's office and stood in

front of his desk.

"No problem," he replied, pushing away the file he was working on. "I'm just waiting for a call back from

someone at State. What do you need?"

"I have some notes on the water standards bill that goes up to the Hill next week. I came up to give them

to Bram since he's the point man on this but I can't seem to find him. Do you have any idea where he is?"

Sam chuckled. "In his secret hideout I would imagine. He's a nervous wreck over this thing. It's the first

big project he's headed up and he wants to impress Josh. He's been slipping off somewhere quiet to work. He says the bullpen is too noisy and chaotic."

"That's sweet," Ainsley drawled. "Though I'd recommend if he wants to succeed in the White House he gets used to noisy and chaotic. There aren't any major issues as far as I can see. I marked a few small things." She handed Sam the folder. "He can get back to me if he has any questions."

"Thanks, Ains."

"My pleasure. Is there anything else you need from me?"

"Not unless you have some contacts at State. I can barely get a call back from them today. I'm trying to

get everything they have on the elections office that blew up in Kazakhstan."

"I might know a few people," Ainsley offered.

"Seriously?"

"I can try. The worst they can do is not return my calls," she said cheekily.

CUT TO:

Interior-Lester's Office

Annabeth is here to see you," the voice over the intercom on Lester's desk said.

"Send her in."

"I heard you had a lot going on today so I thought I'd drop in and see if you needed any help." Annabeth

chirped as she entered the office.

"Are you serious?" Lester asked gratefully.

"Absolutely. The First Lady's press office is kind of quiet today."

"I do not have that problem here at all. I'm swamped and I need to synthesize about 50 pages of information on three different subjects before my next briefing in 40 minutes."

Annabeth held out her hand and Lester mouthed 'thank you' as he handed her 20 pages of notes on US Postal Facility substations. "You are an absolute angel."

"I expect to be paid in pastries," Annabeth smiled as she took a seat on Lester's couch.

"Deal."

CUT TO:

Interior-West Wing Lobby

"Thank heavens none of these lights burned out when the circuits blew," Helen said as she and Donna gazed lovingly at the towering tree in the middle of the room. "I'm would have hated for the tree to only be

half twinkling while I'm giving Matt Lauer a guided tour of all the White House decorations live on Today

in the morning."

"I don't care what Josh says, these decorations are gorgeous," Donna said as she fingered one of the

beautiful gold Christmas ornaments. The entire tree was decorated on gold balls, red velvet bows, and tiny white twinkle lights. Donna thought it was absolutely stunning.

"The boys are just being grumpy. Trust me, Matt's going to pay for all his mocking," Helen assured her.

"He needs to be taught a lesson about the proper spirit of Christmas."

"A lesson?"

"I think I'll make him assemble Miranda's dollhouse. The box says over 300 pieces."

Donna laughed. "That'll teach him."

"You'd think he'd have learned by now. At some point every year during the holiday season he tries to pull

this Grinch act and he always gets punished."

"Whenever I accuse Josh of not being appropriately festive he falls back on the old 'it's not my holiday'

line."

"How convenient for him," Helen smirked. " How do you two handle the holidays? Do you exchange Christmas gifts? Do you celebrate Chanukah?"

"Josh has never been very observant, at least not since I've known him, but I try to incorporate

Chanukah celebrations as much as I can. And as far as Christmas go--Josh is actually a surprisingly good gift giver."

"Huh! I never would have guessed. That puts the pressure on you. Have you picked out his present for

this year?"

"I have," Donna answered excitedly. "When we were in Hawaii he fell in love with the work of one of the

local artists. I commissioned a piece for his office."

"Really?" Helen seemed impressed. "That sounds great."

"I hope he likes it." Donna couldn't figure out why she was so nervous about the gift except for the fact

that this was their first year together and this was the first time she'd had enough money to buy him a

somewhat extravagant gift.

"I'm sure he will."

"How's your shopping going, Ma'am?"

Helen laughed. "I can never thank you enough, Donna, for introducing me to the marvel that is online

shopping."

"My pleasure."

"There's nothing like the rush of entering your credit card number...well...not my credit card number, the

one the Secret Service provides me. Then we have to fill out about 10 forms...well really you fill them

out, right?....then we reimburse...I'm not sure who we reimburse. Then they have to clear the packages

through security. So maybe it's not exactly simple and easy."

"But it still beats the crowded mall," Donna offered.

"That it does."

"Do you ever wonder if they think it's a prank when they see the address 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?"

"I hadn't thought of that," Helen giggled.

"Just be careful what you order. If you ever need anything...you know....." Donna blushed.

"Pornographic?" Helen arched an eyebrow.

"Yes," Donna laughed. "If you need anything of that nature, and I'm not insinuating you would, I'm just

saying, if you..." Donna was rambling and the blush on her cheeks was getting deeper.

"So you're saying don't order stuff like that online?"

"Exactly."

"So if I was to have a need for something from Boyland how should we handle that?"

"Boyland?" Donna choked.

"I found it the other night while I was surfing the net looking for a game to buy Matt. You really have to

be careful about typing something like 'adult toys' into Google. I learned that lesson fast."

"I'll keep that in mind," Donna choked.

"You know, since Matt got elected President he's really been into some serious Commander in Chief role

playing. Sometimes we need props."

Visions of ugly headlines darted through Donna's mind. "Props?"

"Sure. They have some great riding crops and satin lined handcuffs. Actually what we really need is a

good saddle."

Finally Helen couldn't hold back her laughter anymore and Donna realized she was being hazed. "No problem, Ma'am. We'll ask Bram to get it for you," she laughed.

CUT TO:

Interior-Josh's office

"There's absolutely no chatter out there about threats in Kazakhstan or anywhere in the surrounding region," Sam said as he entered Josh's office. "Every person I've talked to is as surprised as we are."

"Maybe we'll get lucky with this one," Josh looked up from the file he was reading and Sam noticed his hair was more askew than usual.

"I hope so." Sam flopped down in Josh's visitor's chair and sighed, showing no sign whatsoever of

leaving.

"Is there anything else," Josh asked.

"No."

"And yet you're still here."

"The guys are in my office."

"The guys?"

"Yeah, you know...with the monitors and the stern

looks."

"Oh, the HazMat guys."

"Yeah. I haven't heard any of their little monitors start beeping yet so that's gotta be a good sign,

right?"

"Probably." Josh tried to go back to reading the briefing memo in front of him.

"And I haven't seen any of them running for the parking lot."

"That's a plus." Josh was barely paying attention.

"And none of them look especially...."

"Sam!"

"What?"

"Do you really have nothing to do?"

"I'm in wait and see mode right now," Sam defended.

"Ooo-k."

"So....you're really thinking about proposing tonight just...at home and everything?"

"I was," Josh said, giving up on reading the memo. "But you've all made it very clear that would be a

mistake."

"What you need is nature."

"So you said."

"You say you don't like the idea of cherry blossoms? Who doesn't like cherry blossoms?"

"I like the idea of cherry blossoms fine. I was just hoping to do it a little sooner than spring." Josh ran

his hands through his already messy hair.

"Wait, I know." Sam's eyes lit up. "There's gotta be a snow festival going on somewhere."

"A snow festival?"

"Yeah...you know...ice carving and cross country skiing and the wonder and magic of winter nature. It's

just like spring nature only colder."

Josh laughed. "I always pictured a proposal with somewhat less outerwear than I would imagine a snow

festival requires."

"Trust me on this, Josh. Women are suckers for the wonder and magic of nature."

"Go back to work."

End Act 1