#I don't care that I'm venting in the tags right now I don't have anywhere else to vent anyway

[cerise-on-top]

Cried on the train today, then thought of this! This is just me coping to the highest degree again, but I thought other people might like this as well!

Nikolai as a Father

First off, he’d likely be absent rather often. He was a soldier, he runs a PMC, he’s a busy man through and through. That’s why he won’t be able to see you as often as he’d like. He’d have loved to see all your accomplishments, meeting your first partner and intimidating them, your graduation, the first time you performed on stage, but it wasn’t possible due to work. He does feel bad about it, but he can’t help it. He will try to make it up to you somehow, though he’d understand if you couldn’t forgive him. He does try to be there for you whenever he can, visiting you whenever possible, but you will be apart from each other more often than not. However, if you ever have any suggestions regarding what you’d like to do together, he’s all ears. He has enough money to grant you any wish like that. You wanna go to Japan? You want a boat trip? You wanna go karaoke? It’s all possible, as long as he gets to experience those things with you. He really does wanna make up for the lost time.

He’s a pretty relaxed kind of father. The kind that would allow you a sip of beer when you were young. He’d have no problems with you drinking, as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. You should be responsible about that sort of thing. But if you ever wanted to invite a friend over to drink a bit, then he’d have no problem with getting the booze for you. Nothing too strong while you’re still young, of course, but he gets it. You’re young, you want to be stupid and do foolish things. He was like that too when he was younger, so he won’t stop you. In fact, he’ll even drive to the nearest fast food restaurant and get you and your friend something to eat. Sometimes he might cook himself, though. Nikolai’s food is downright godly, he can cook just about anything and cook it well too. As long as you don’t invite a friend over to get blackout drunk every weekend, all is good.

I think he’d probably lie to you about his job when you’re younger. You don’t need to know that he kills people for a living. You can know that he does paperwork, though. So he’d likely tell you he works an office job that has him traveling a lot. Speaking of traveling, he’ll always bring you a souvenir. That could range from a small snow globe to a nice T-shirt he found that you might like. He may be busy, but he does think about you very often. This continues into adulthood as well. If he can’t see you and give it to you in person then he’ll just mail it to you. Won’t ever allow you to work in the same field he does, though. You’re too sweet to work as a mercenary. You can become anything you want to be, but he’ll do what he can to not have you work in the military or in a PMC. He wants you to live and live well. There are no exceptions to this. He knows you might not listen to him, but he’ll tell you over and over again that those kinds of jobs are not what you might think they are. He doesn’t tell you what to do very often, but you should listen to him when he does. He’s an older man, who actually knows what he’s talking about. Besides, he only means well when it comes to you.

A very accepting father, in all honesty. You’re gay? You’re trans? He’s very supportive of you. Besides, it doesn’t matter who you bring home, he’s gonna try to intimidate them either way. Only the best of the best for you. If you ever find yourself some sleazebag, who won’t spoil you rotten like you deserve, then he’ll make sure that person will learn their lesson. He can be a very scary man when he wants to be. If you’re transmasc, then he’d delight in going clothes shopping with you and finding something that you look good in and that fits. He might even buy you a bomber jacket like he has so you can match. He’ll get you the fanciest suits too. Whatever you need, he’ll give it to you. If you’re transfem then he might not be the best suited candidate to go shopping with you. He can tell you what you look good in, but he might call someone like Laswell to help you find nice clothes that suit you well. However, he won’t save any money on anything. You know what you want? You can gladly have it. Nikolai will even pay for your surgeries as well. As long as you’re happy, he’s happy. No price is too high when it comes to your happiness. In fact, he probably has the means to get you a prescription for hormones as well. It might not be entirely legal, but it’s better than nothing if you have shitty doctors.

Likewise, if you come out to him as aromantic or asexual, he won’t mind. Sure, you might have to explain what that means, but once he understands he won’t make you feel bad for that sort of thing. Gives you a side hug and tells you that he’s glad he doesn’t have to worry about your heart being broken by some asshole who can’t appreciate you for who you are. Unfortunately, if you do come out to him as ace, he might make some puns about it. Nothing offensive, but he’s your father, he can’t help the urge to make awful dad jokes from time to time.

If you don’t know Russian then he’ll teach you. He’s a proud Russian, so he does want you to know the language. He can hire a teacher for you too, if you’d prefer that, but you won’t be spared. He’ll talk to you in Russian and compliment you on your progress. Besides, it’s never a mistake to know another language. If you do know Russian then he’ll speak it with you whenever he can. Yes, even when the likes of Price are around. Doesn’t matter if it comes off as rude, it just feels homey to him. It makes him feel at ease.

[animasola86]

Ramblings!

Gotta vent, sorry.

You know, it is not just mildly frustrating to spend hours taking screenshots, editing them, carefully arranging them and then scheduling them to share with this fandom to then have the post completely disappear from the face of the earth as soon as it's supposed to be published - it is infuriating!

It only shows up on my page, not even on my dash and isn't seen anywhere under any tags! I can't even see my own posts on my dashboard - and it seems to be laggy anyway, since yesterday I feel.

I'm just mad, sorry. So much time and effort for basically nothing bugs me more than I care to admit. I could say that I take these screenshots for my own pleasure, like I write solely for myself, but let's be real: I want to share these things with others! I want to contribute, bring joy, do anything to share my passion with others who think alike. (I just want to be seen, okay tumblr??? Lemme be seen!)

And having that taken away just sucks. Maybe it's just a normal weekend on tumblr where it's usually slower, but I don't know. Not seeing my own posts on my dash doesn't feel right at all. (Could it have anything to do with the type of content I post? Who knows, but it's a weird timing to affect me now...)

I hope this will sort itself out soon. I have so many posts planned, but now I'm afraid to post anything! I don't want it to fall into the abyss to never be seen again!

Rant over, I guess. Didn't help much tbh. Lemme go back into the shadows now.

(Edit: Well, the post is there now, 1,5 hours after it was published. I don't get it. Still mad though, not gonna delete this now.)

[murphysketchs]

Welcome to Deadcember.

What IS Deadcember?

Deadcember is an event that I made a few years ago aiming to make myself cry over my OCs with various different prompts. They were just small doodles but I also ended up killing some of my friends with them too. Thus, I made a prompt list aimed towards causing emotion distress to them <3333

Where is the prompt list and rules, you fool?

I don’t have the prompt list really written down anywhere except for on spare canvases and pieces of paper (I made this challenge during high school and am just very disorganized) so I’m still compiling all the prompts for this year. I do have Day 1 already at the ready though!

It's right here!! This is the "Official Deadcember Prompt List" that I made and have gathered up for your convenience.

As for rules? Well- This is literally coming off of the back of Huevember and NaNoWriMo, so it’s just a very low stakes challenge. You’re not meant to burn yourself out with this and you’re given multiple prompts to use or not use. The goal of it is just for some good feelings relief honestly, cause holidays are stressful as hell.

Now, with that out of the way, here’s the “Official Rules” of Deadcember!

Rules:

You get a small list of words (some may have more than others honestly, whoops!) and you either draw, write, or create something in general that does or does not fit the theme(s) of the day. Like I said earlier, you’re just aiming to make yourself or your friends cry/die inside!

This is a very lax challenge, so there is no day requirement to hit to complete this.

You only did one day but it didn’t follow the list and still made you cry? Congrats! You “won” Deadcember! Very proud of you for finding the energy to do anything at all during this month <333

You did every single day and included EVERY PROMPT? Dude that’s just amazing! Genuinely so glad for you!

Remember to skip days when you need to and that this month is made as a brain relief. Holidays and stuff are stressful and sometimes can cause big feelings of dread or make some not so good memories resurface, so these are for you to kind of vent.

Don’t forget to properly tag your stuff with correct trigger warnings when applicable! While you may want to vent, that doesn’t mean you get a pass to show it off without some type of warning.

And it’s just for fun! You don’t have to feel the need to vent into the pieces you make, in fact, you don’t have to make sad stuff at all! You can cry over tooth rotting, cute, very fluffy art. Whatever you choose to do, just be safe, take care of yourself, and relax.

That being said, make sure to tag with #deadcember if you post these cause I want to see if you decide to post them (totally cool if you don't, I'm not your dad)

[spoonyglitteraunt]

This is a vent post. Because no-one I usually go to with this stuff is currently awake. So not tagging it and will likely delete it come later today. But I need to put this somewhere lest it builds up more. So you all get to ride this emo train with me.

Just. If medical anxiety, cancer scare, fears around parental death and existential dread for the future are things you can't deal with right now feel free to skip. I don't blame you. I wish I could skip this.

I'm scared. Plain and simple. I'm scared.

My dad has been having episodes of peeing blood and he's finally getting it checked out. Last week he had a scan and they found something. They just don't know what since those scans don't do well with empty organs. They just have a rough size estimate of somewhere between 3 to 9mm. So in a few hours he has an exam to stick a camera up there and go see what's up.

And I'm scared.

I'd been oddly, surprisingly, uncharacteristically chill about it all week. Really not my usual. I was all, no need to stress, chances are it's just a polyp and even if it's not it's not big right? (No I have no concept of what are usual sizes of the T word are and looking it up now would be an extremely bad, no good, terrible idea.) But where I was chill all week, I'm not so much now. As in not at all actually.

It wasn't bad throughout the day, but once night fell it got progressively worse by the hour. While playing a game to distract myself it was still manageable, but once in the dark, trying to sleep, and nothing to focus on. Yeah chill is so far removed from what I am now that it's in another universe entirely. So far it's 7am and no sleep was had. Don't know if I'll get any. I should, because if it's bad news I also won't get any sleep after. But mind is not having it. And the aforementioned no one to talk to doesn't help.

All the fears, all the existential dread. All the everything. Because pitiable as it sounds with how my life has gone he's my rock. My emotional support. He is the one semi functioning cog in this broken down household of a health issues collectathon. And well, my parents are all I have.

It feels like we were finally starting on making some preparation for the future. Starting being the operative word there. As I'm the greyest of grey zones no one knows how to help other than passing the buck. And now I fear it will become a trial by fire as so much of my life has already been. And I'm still as fire proof as dry straw.

Where a few days ago I almost felt like it would be ok. That we'd sort things out, and make plans, and I'd learn. Learn to somehow take care of myself despite everything. Somehow. Figure it all out by the time I'd need it. Somehow. Now I'm right back to feeling small. Small and helpless. And I hate it.

I can't help wondering if I was fooling myself. That I'm just destined to end up bounced around from hospital to hospital to a retirement home, because there are just are no accomodations for people like me. The fact I've once spent five weeks in a hospital room with someone like that. Someone like me, who'd been forced to live exist like that and was pretty much left to waste away. Forever told no one knew what to do with her and she neither belonged nor had a place anywhere. Someone who... well who knows if she's even still alive today. It does not help these fears.

So yeah having a bit of an anxiety meltdown and I can't even go to my parents, which is usually the hack to wrangle the panic demons under control, because they have their own fears without me adding to it. It's just so much.

And I'm scared.

I know all the sayings. All the wisdom. About how worrying about something is putting yourself through it twice. And how stress isn't bad it's just a way for your body to deal with challenges. How you need to stay away from what ifs and only deal with stuff you know. All the grounding and breathing exercises. All the stay in the now stuff. All the advice. But guess how many of those are working right now when I'm posting this ramble online.

You know. Sometimes I envy those of you who believe in a god or a sentient universe or whatever. Because it would be really nice right now to think there was something out there I could appeal to to give us more time. Something I could tell, well listen, buddy. Whoever might be up, or down, or triple sideways loop the loop style out there somewhere. I'm not saying we won't still have to have a talk when I arrive wherever, but if you make sure it isn't bad news, idk. Just keep a receipt or something, and I will probably go from very pissed, to strongly worded letter, maybe even begrudging acceptance, when we do get round to that talk.

It would be nice.

But I don't.

So you all got this vent instead.

[unclevladscorner]

My mental health has been all over the place these last couple of months. I don't get much socialization and my therapist has been trying to help me fill that gap.

This is kind of a long vent, so the rest is under the cut. I talk about my mental health and how much of a struggle it's been, even with a therapist-

Problem is, there is no real care network outside of one-on-one therapy here in the area. There's also not much in the way of queer or trans social life outside of sports and a sparse network of discussion groups.

Unfortunately for me, that means no peer support for my autism, and very limited peer support from other trans people. Outside of a small handful of people and work, I don't talk much or do much.

I really want to move. We want to move out of the state and further up the East Coast. That's two years away and I've got to make do until then.

Right now, I feel like I'm just preserving what mental health I've got vs. actually making any meaningful improvements. It's frustrating, and the disappointing conversations about the lack of peer or therapist led support groups has put me in a bad state of mental health. It really enhances the intense feelings of isolation I've been struggling with for years that have only gotten worse with the pandemic and the exodus from social media to closed internet spaces like Discord.

I feel completely cut off from any sort of creative social network. I post in the tags here, but I don't think the other writers- especially queer and trans writers- here on Tumblr use the site to meet other writers.

I've pretty much given up on the Internet being a space where I'll connect to the writing community... or ANY community, for that matter.

I'm not going anywhere. I still have blogs I follow and care about here on Tumblr. I'm just feeling very lost at the moment.

[sleepygamerotaku]

long ass vent i don't now what tws to tag it with so read at your risk

sorry for not posting literally all day i over slept this morning and was late to school. In 5th hour i almost strangled a guy and had a panic attack because of him. i have barely eaten all day and i feel overwhelmed by everything at this point my anxiety has been through the roof lately and I have a shit ton of school work that i don't have finished and i have two F's in my classes (math and geography/social studies who would've thought) i genuinely can't remember the last time i decent night of sleep and i feel tired all day but have so much energy when it's nighttime and i could be using this energy to do my school work bUT IT'S NIGHT TIME RIGHT NOW- it's midnight I can't exactly do my school work now it's dark and i can't have my Chromebook on because it's too late i would get in trouble and there isn't enough light to do my paper assignments without using a light and waking everyone up. i have an assignment due TODAY TECHNICALLY AND I CAN'T WORK ON IT DURING CLASS AND IT WILL BE COUNTED MISSING AFTER 9 PM I PROBABLY WON'T BE ABLE TO FINISH IT IN TIME BECAUSE MY BROTHER NEEDS TO HELP ME WITH IT OR I WON'T EVEN GET ANYTHING DONE-

and if that wasn't stressful enough all of the assignments i try to complete end up being half-assed and don't have any effort and because it isn't good enough i have an existential crisis over it because it isn't exactly how i envisioned it. nothing i ever do is sufficient by anyone's standards and nowhere close to my own. i want to shut myself out from everyone and just wallow in my self pity. i feel undeserving of any and all form of attention and at this point i feel like everything would be better off if i burst into flames and never existed to begin with

i hate myself and everything i do and say and think this world is stupid and i only ever find comfort in characters who aren't real and wouldn't even care about me if they where. it's almost the second semester and i'm probably going have three f's because i'm slowly failing science too

it's not just my school work either. i used to love writing for people i have so many fanfics that aren't anywhere close to being done i haven't been able to complete my drawings in months my mom is constantly wanting me to draw her things but i never get to them and i just never have the energy to do anything anymore

my mod and dad fought so much and now their getting a divorce soon so I'll be stuck with my mom who I don't feel entirely safe with but it wouldn't be any better with my dad because hed been getting physically and verbally violent not only to my mom but me and my brother too. my brother pisses me off and i wish i could run away i'm tired of witnessing my familys constent bickering i haven't spoke with my dad in months either and i'm scared he's just going to suddenly show up again

i've been struggling to be active and i feel like i'm only gaining weight that i'm trying to lose. i don't want to eat anymore and at this point my stretch marks are mocking me. my thighs are fat and ugly and my chest is too big. my cheeks are too chubby my freckles look stupid and i'm sick of seeing nothing but eyebags and acne and ugliness when i look in the mirror i'm just so tired of everything

i don't want to admit it but i need help with everything but i just can't seem to find the strength to ask for it. it just seems like everything is falling apart all around me and i don't know what to do anymore

[erosdsire]

Blog info/disclaimers (about me)

-

| I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION for you to repost, edit, translate, or copy any of my content on any site! Tumblr is the ONLY site you will see me post on, if you see it anywhere else, please report it!!

° Any dividers used (except the plain black ones) were made by @cafekitsune. All credits goes to her for any divider/banner used in any post with one.

° this blog is made for an 18+ audience only. I don't care how close it is to your 18th birthday, what matters is you are not 18+ right now. Wait until you actually are 18 to interact in any way or you'll be blocked. If I've blocked you for not having an age in your bio/pinned post I am happy to unblock once you've added it.

° I write and reblog dark content. This is anything that is considered more taboo or just straight morally wrong (such as a knife kink, cnc/dub/non-con, stepcest, toxic!character, etc). I have warnings at the top of every post involving something like this, and a tag you can block to avoid that content. It's important to remember that this is all fiction and you are responsible for your own media consumption.

° this is my blog and I will always write what I want. I do appreciate comments on how to make my writing more inclusive, but literally anything that feels even remotely aggressive will get you blocked. Building off of this, just don't bother with sending me hate. I truly don't give a shit what you think of me and you'll be blocked without hesitation.

° I do not accept nsfw anons but my inbox is always open if you wanna chat. You can be an emoji/nickname anon so I know it's you I'm chatting with :). Please ask before venting because I am not your therapist.

[meme-loving-stuck]

so this is the last post ill make for a while,,, also it's me coming out as demisexual so uh yeah, quiet jazz hands. how do u do, fellow aspecs

feel free to add these to ur servers and other stuff like/reblog if you use etc (i just couldn't find these particular flags together so yea..) & if you're demi i hope u are havin a good day <3

[kitsunelike]

⚰️⚰️⚰️

[rebelcap]

We are not just friends — Part 10

Chris Evans x bi!latina!character (Sofia is a people of color, she's brown.)

Chris and Sofia meet when their best friends started dating, it all started at friends with loads of bumps on the road.  

Warnings: drinking, smoking, drug use (weed), assault, Chris being Steve Rogers, commitment issues, my girl Sofia kinda messy, lots of fucking (eventually) 

This is slow burn at its best, at least emotionally. 

Series masterlist

Sofía was in a meeting with Chris's publicist, his assistant, and lawyer as they all went through the contract along with the brewery lawyers.

"My client had already told me to give whatever your asking," The lawyer spoke and Chris's publicist kept eyeing her. "so, this is more a formality."

"We already discussed it, just a photoshoot. We're going with the social media route of promoting." Sofia explained and the lawyer nod a few times, she was on the last page of the contract.

Sofía looked at his publicist and the woman kept looking at her phone and then back at her, multiple times like she was trying to figure something out.

What the fuck? Sofia kept thinking and she heard Chris's voice carrying from the other side of the co conference room. He had arrived a while back but Ron and his kid were giving him a tour of the brewery that was barely getting it together. Nothing was set up but the skeleton was there and Chris was delighted.

They still haven't really seen each other, until this very moment, the first thing he did was stare at her, puppy eyes and everything and Sofia was acting like she was already over it, guess Chris wasn't the only actor in the room.

Of course, Ron started his usual little speech as they signed the contracts, even cracked the champagne at nine o'clock. The photoshoot was going to be after lunch as the crew gets the things together—Ron had really splurged on the production, he really took it to himself on how much money he was saving.

Sofía could see from the corner of her eyes as Chris was discussing something with his publicist, she kept discreetly pointing in her direction as Chris looked something on her phone. He kept shaking his head no, getting quickly irritated.

When they both turned around to look at her, she quickly looked at the other way—attention back whatever she was doing.

"Sof," Chris called her, voice soft. She looked up and he was right there with his publicist. "I need to show you something."

"What is it?" She asked and the woman asked if they could speak somewhere else. "Yeah, the office." Sofia leads the way.

"Thanks for the privacy," The woman said, and Sofia nod. "I don't care what you two are doing but I do care about this," She said showing her the paparazzi pictures of Chris and her when she arrived at the stupid party yesterday. Sofia could practically remember everything they talked on that brief moment, her full face was on display.

"Oh," Sofia explained and blinked a few times. "Well, shit,"

"And you didn't have anything to do with it?"

"Megan." Chris cut her off and the girl just rolled her eyes.

"He's insisting that you didn't but I gotta ask, I'm just trying to protect Chris's privacy."

"Megan, come on," Chris interrupted her.

"Wait. Are you asking me if I staged this?"

"Did you?"

"Sofi, I know you didn't, you don't have to answer, look Megan—

" It's okay and no, I didn't. Chris you know I would never," Sofia said looking at him, whatever what had gone down last night she would never break his trust like that, she loved and value their friendship to do something like this.

"Yes, I know," He touched her arm, looking at her apologetic. "I'm sorry I'm dragging you into this, I was sure there was no one."

" I'm glad you weren't, I just have to ask. The pictures are already out and you guys were on the street there's not much we can do." Megan explained. "For now you're the 'mystery woman' but I'm sure with time they'll find out who are you." She locks her phone and put it in her purse and looked at Chris.

"Okay, I'll deal with it when it has to deal with it, I'm cool with it." Sofia shrugged and Chris stared at her.

"This doesn't bother you?" Chris asked.

"It bothers me for you because I know you're a very private person but no worries for me, I'm pretty much obscure on social media, all I do is tweet about how much I hate Donald Trump and re-tweet dogs pics."

"She does," Chris nods and she shrugged again.

"Okay," Megan said looking down at he phone again. "Do you wanna release a statement or…?"

"I prefer not brought more attention to it, I'll leave it like this," Chris said and sigh, looking a little bit defeated.

Megan, the publicist, finished up the talk and quickly excuse herself, leaving them alone in the office.

"We should probably," Sofia said looking at her watch and tried to walk past him but of course Chris wasn't going to just let her.

"Can we talk?" He asked and she sighs.

"Chris, it's really okay,"

"No, it's not. I'm sorry I disrespect you,"

"You obviously still had things to figure out and I just don't wanna be in the middle of that. We are friends, if you need to vent with me I'm here, always." Sofia explained, leaning against the desk with her arms folded against her chest.

"Sof, I already figured it out," Chris said walking up to her. "I don't, I don't want anything with her. It's done -

" Yeah, her tongue down your throat last night didn't necessarily say 'I'm done with her',"

" Shit. I know, can we call it a lapse in judgment? " Chris made a face, he truly didn't know how to salvage this. Sofia was difficult and stubborn and he had fucked up.

"Call it whatever you want," She shrugged and sigh deeply.

"Hey," Chris said grabbing her hands as she kept looking anywhere else but him. "Hey, look at me," She did and closed her eyes.

Don't Sofia, don't don't. She kept thinking because he was so fucking attractive, she just wanted to kiss him all the time.

"I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry. I was a complete asshole and I shouldn't even try to explain, I fucked up it was my fault."

"Yeah," She pouted.

"But, I did figure it out—" Sofia was about to interrupt him again but he was quicker. "I know it didn't seem like it, but I did."

"And?"

"I wanna be with you, Sof. I don't wanna be just friends—

"Are you fucking with me?" She squints her eyes at him and scoffed." I'm going just to pretend you didn't say anything because I like my job." Sofia muttered and walked out of the office.

"Jesus Christ," Chris muttered, running his hands over his beard and sigh.

~~~~

Christofer Robert Evans was relentless, couldn't take no for an answer and Sofia was about to snap at everyone at any giving moment. Between Chris trying to make a truce, Ron losing his shit constantly, his fucking son and friends that were fucking around the brewery, and on top of everything Amanda kept blowing her phone.

"Sofia," Ron called her and she walked up to him and his son that was chatting with Chris.

"What's up?" She said walking up to her and he took her to aside.

"I'm going to send you back to Boston for a while," He said and Sofia was about to cry.

"Oh God, thank you I fucking hate this place so much." She said making a face and Ron laughed at her expression.

"I know, I can see the amount of pressure that I've been putting you into this last couple of days and you did more than deliver. You deserve a little break,"

"Oh, man. Thank you," She sighed with relief. "Everything here it's pretty much set up, the machines are getting installed this week, everything with the bank it's already resolved, permits too. Thanks to Chris's lawyers, contractors are coming at the end of the month… I mean everything it's on track, at least for a week." She explained pulling out her cellphone and Ron was amazed.

"You pulled this off in a couple of days, I'm never letting you go, that's for sure," Ron said and made a gesture. "So, he likes you." He pointed at Chris with his mouth and Sofia roll her eyes. "And I thought you were only into Chicks."

"That's why your wife loves me so much and I have a weakness for pretty white dudes, it's pretty unhealthy if you asked me." She said with a smile looking at Chris for a moment. "it's complicated right now."

"Shit I bet, guess he's really into you by doing all this pro-bono. So, I'm going to be absolutely a greedy selfish man and said to trap this one." He said pointing at his finger and Sofia let out a laugh.

"No way, man." She shook her head. "Let's focus on beer and stop talking about my non-existent love life, after crazy bitch Tiffany. I'm done,"

"Yeah, and I thought my ex-wife was crazy, you definitely got it worse," He put a hand on her shoulder and murmur. "Good rebound, uh?" He pointed at Chris.

"Ay por Dios, Ron." She rolled her eyes and he laughed, walking away toward his son and started saying their goodbyes to a Chris.

"Ah, men. Listen, just be patient with her," Ron said to Chris while they shake hands. "She seems tough but she's all fragile inside, treat her right." The men said as he put another hand on his, squeezing a little bit.

Chris got the point right away.

"Yes, sir."

~~

Tag list:

@letsdothemonstermash

@lunaticbarnes

@firstangeldragonranch

@lovepeacefood

@thegirlwithpaperheart

[erin-epica]

Woop-de-doo, it's Lord Scarlet stuff part 2

This was a post I planned on making WAY sooner, but I accidentally lost the original draft so I didn't even bother to try doing it gain until recently. And just now something happened that changed everything; and I mean what both DID and DIDN'T automatically give me the right to post this. I almost deleted my first post at that, and here's why:

In the first post, I mentioned that when I initially found out Vic was lying to me, I was quiet about it and just stopped talking to her out of fear, and then when I asked for help on what to do I was told to leave without a word. I don't think that was entirely the right thing to do in the long run, because it may have been the easiest way out but I'm better off with proper closure.

And the thoughts she left me scarred with never left my head. Time and time again, I'd find myself crying myself to sleep again at the thought of Brock forced to hide romantic feelings for Master Frown and not know who he was anymore while Frown was left unaware and in love with someone else, even if it wasn't Lord Scarlet.

And the pain sometimes came with a want to confront Vic one last time and open up to her about how I wasn't blind anymore, and how much she really hurt me. But I, again, wass scared she wouldn't care and would cut me off.

So when the pain got worse, I did what any coward would do: tell everyone else about my pain.

Now I DID tell friends of mine other than the Unikitty Amino staff about what happened, and they were all sympathetic and understanding about it. But then I told almost everyone, and then made my vent post on here (as well as Wattpad). As much as I wouldn't want to call them call out posts, they might as well have been. I didn't want people to harass Vic and make her mad...but at the same time I kinda did. I was too scared to face her that I was hoping that someone would do it for me. I even tagged accounts of Vic's. Not cool of me at all.

Now the Tumblr and Wattpad posts got me pretty much more of the same: sympathy, and acceptance that I had moved on. No one came after Vic but we could still agree that none of her actions were justified (I even got @careeningle's attention...sorry about the aneurysm)

Now comes the next important thing that happened, because I mentioned @friffinx kinda being responsible for me getting back to the Lord Scarlet Amino to write the message that I did. In it, I said that after I sent the message I did I would leave the Amino again & for good.

Well...I lied. I still checked in every day for the same reason I started venting: I kinda wanted Vic to see my message. Even if she'd ban me, I wanted to see if she'd ever notice my message. And that would've been the end of it if it wasn't for Brook.

I briefly mentioned Brook in the last post. She was another OC of Vic's, and was exactly to Brock what Lord Scarlet was to Master Frown; a carbon copy love interest. Except Lord Scarlet was far more developed and drawn & written about more. Brook didn't even really have a distinct personality, she was a girl Brock and that was it. But with reptilian overlord eyes. (To be fair, Vic drew Brock like that sometimes too)

(I didn't include Vic's art unless it was in chat bgs or whatever in the last post, but for the sake of referencing/proving a point, this is what Brook looks like)

No one really paid attention to her for the longest time. She was there in the fanfics because according to Vic, "Scarlet needed a friend." And like I said in the first post, Brook wasn't said to be canon so I never found a reason to really care for her. Plus I can only recall someone giving Vic fanart with her, and it was with Scarlet (@plastic-papercuts made it, go follow her she's gr8).

But then one day, for some reason, something in me clicked. I actually thought of a story idea for her. Somehow this bland cutout of a character had potential in my eyes, and I weirdly started liking her because of it. She suddenly felt...more real. I got pretty invested in my idea and newfound interpretation of Brook, and describing it would make this post way longer than it is so if anyone asks about it, I'll probably make a whole other post about it.

Anyway, I came up with a little plan: draw out this idea in the form of a comic and post it to the Lord Scarlet Amino. And see if Vic gets suspicious and checks out my profile and then maybe bans me. It felt a bit better than total silence and she'd probably see that someone gave a crap about Brook after all.

So I started a new chat called "It's Brook" to share my progress with the other members of the Amino, which there weren't too many of but we had fun in it. It was basically me, @friffinx , @soapycocacola, @plastic-papercuts, and a few others who aren't on Tumblr (or at least don't think are) chatting about how awful Vic was and calling out her lazy art tactics like tracing and using assets/clips right from the show. And of course me sharing the comic progress I was making. Again, this doesn't make anything we did right but it felt good getting everything off our chests. We were like a secret rebellion against an absentee dictator. One time Vic came online as we were chatting and even viewed my profile, but nothing happened. And it stayed that way until I opened Amino up one morning. For those of you who don't have it, the menu shows all the communities you're in when you open the app, and all of mine were there except for the Lord Scarlet Amino. I assumed I must've been banned overnight. But I wasn't banned from Vic's other Amino so I commented on her wall on that one. For Vic's sake, I won't show how the conversation went (and I'll explain why at the end) but here's how it went:

Me: Did you ban me from the LS Amino?

Her: There was drama in one of the chat rooms and I'm not having it. I didn't want to do it and it's not a big deal It's just an amino and you're still on this one AM I RIGHT?

Me: Yes, but I assume you read my updated bio. As I hoped you would.

Her: Nope.

Me: Oh. But you know what? Ban me from here too for all I care, I feel like you deserve to know why I left and came back: *insert me finally telling her how I know she lied, that she hurt me, and what I did was wrong here*

Her: Lol ok be that person but keep in mind that I'm one of those people that doesn't gibe a fuck lol

And then she banned me from that Amino too before I could type and submit a fitting farewell reply.

At least I finally got all the built-up emotional pain out of me, but it did help me realize something important: we never really were friends. I wanted more of her content despite all her red flags as a person so I tried enduring them, thinking it'd be worth it, and she only kinda cared about me when I was being a yes man. She never kept any promises and didn't respect me the same way I did her. So I could at least feel confident knowing she most likely didn't care at all when I first left.

@friffinx and the others didn't get banned, though, and Friff even started another chat on the LS Amino called "It's Brook 2" where they talked more about Vic being a terrible person. And it didn't take long for her to shut that chat down too and ban everyone from it that time. Friff sent me screenshots of what happened next (which again, I'm not gonna show), where Vic basically had a meltdown. She changed her username to "Little Miss Guillotine", and made a post about her being "finished with the bushit". In it, she announced that she didn't even like Unikitty! anymore but was still gonna keep/use Lord Scarlet because she wanted to. The part that made my blood almost boil wasn't her views on the show, she's free to have her opinion and I couldn't care less about it. What DID was that she acknowledged that she lied the whole time because "she didn't care anymore" and said that it was "our faults for believing it in the first place" and that "we needed to grow up"/"stop brining it up"

Ooooh boy, victim blaming, my favortie...

Since then she changed the Lord Scarlet Amino's theme to make it about The Penguins of Madagacar (again, fine with me). Either way she was still a narcissist and I thought she'd, sadly, likely never change. And my friends and I all thought that was the end of it.

Until a few hours ago...

I was browsing the Unikitty Amino and saw a new member named BlueCat. Didn't think anything else of it until the user PMed me. And this is what happened:

I didn't know what to think other than "I thought this day would never come", I was that shaken. This was so left field-ish that what else could I do but believe her? It didn't even seem suspicious or like she was trying to be a suck up, that wasn't Vic at all.

But the one thing I knew I had to do was ban her because even if she meant well and did it for the right(?) reasons, but I still asked if I should in the staff chat. @girly-glorious (also amazing so pls check her out :D) told me that yes, it was ban evasion so since I'm a leader too now I could to it on my own. But I knew I had to message Vic first and Girly told me to be careful, so this is what I sent:

And then I banned her, the end (not really)

Now I don't understand how or why this sudden behavior change happened but I don't know if I should question it in case it's personal. But again, I at least want to believe that she's really being genuine and had a change of heart because never in a million years could I imagine her being this mature. Again, she didn't demand that I forgive me or probably even expect me to. But the message still does leave me feeling sorry for her.

Now I thought that was the real end of it until I see the Penguins of Madagascar/old Lord Scarlet Amino on my sideboard.

She unbanned me.

Now I don't know where we'll go from here, if anywhere. I'm not too sure if I can really let my guard down around someone who hurt me so badly just in case she does it again. So I may not talk to her again, but if she really asks something from me, I might try and build up courage to ask her more about how she came to apologizing to me. Plus she followed me on Wattpad too.

But this is why I didn't show our conversation right before my ban or her "f.u." posts. Because I don't want people seeing more of Vic's past behavior and possibly embarrassing her about it if she ever sees this. But that's kinda why I felt like it was 100% necessary to finally make a sequel post in the end; I'm hoping people at least acknowledge Vic has changed and don't keep thinking about based on what I shared out of attempts to gain sympathy like a crybaby.

So before I go: PLEASE, DON'T GO AFTER OR HARASS VIC. I KNOW YOU PROBABLY WON'T, BUT THIS IS SERIOUS. ALL THE PROBLEMATIC LORD SCARLET DRAMA IS STUFF OF THE PAST AND NEITHER OF US WANT TO KEEP LOOKING BACK ON IT.

I hope this helps whoever's reading as much as it did me.

[welcometojoelsvoid]

People hate original content

I really feel like quiting art. Seriously.

People just seem to hate and not care for original content and art so much that it makes me wonder if it's actually worth it.

Yeah it's nice when I make a good enough drawing to be proud of it, but that "good enough" turns into "terrible" so fast because others don't seem to care. It makes me extremely anxious and stressed to post my drawings anywhere.

It makes me really sad that a drawing I spent hours on, days even, gets like 3-5 notes, while a text post saying "I want a clown to ram my ass" gets 20+ notes. And while it's fun to see the replies and tags (assuming there are any), it's not fulfilling. The text post wasn't something I poured my heart into. It wasn't anything special or unique.

And I know, I seem like a whiny drama queen right now, but it just drains any ounce of motivation to continue making art and being a content creator.

I come up with really cool ideas for drawings sometimes, be it for a friend or just for myself, but these drawings rarely get made or finished because I realise halfway that no one will care.

My only source of notes is by tagging a friend in it, hoping they'll reblog it, or it just being the latest "trend" or "craze".

I've had this post as a draft for a while, because I wasn't sure if I should post it or not, thinking I was just being stupid and selfish. But now I realised that I was at least a little bit right.

I post my art on two sites; Tumblr and DeviantART. On both sites original content is shunned so much that it forces people into "selling out". While I do enjoy drawing Pennywise or some other character that's being idolised and worshipped atm, the fun just doesn't last. I need to draw my own characters or just something else! But people don't care! They don't give two shits about original content.

And here's the thing;

Atm I have about 167 followers on Tumblr. From those 167 people, I see about 4 or 5 of them liking/reblogging the stuff on my blog, most being stuff I've reblogging from others. Now, I don't know why these peopled followed my blog. Maybe because of something I once posted or said? Point being that idk. But what I do know is that my blog is not big nor famous (nor good), but 167 people is still a lot. And 4-5 out of 167 is a big difference. Imagine if even 20 out of those 167 people reblogged a drawing I made. 20 reblogs are a fantasy come true to an artist. Those 20 reblogs could easily turn into 40, maybe more!

Why is this important? Because it shares the artist's work for more people to see. This way the artist could gain more followers, more likes and reblogs on drawings, more people interacting with the artist, which could lead into the artist making friends, getting commissions or prompts, whatever, which would get a bunch of likes and reblogs and the circle continues!

Yes, we appreciate the absolute fuck out of likes and comments, etc, but it doesn't get us far if the original artwork only has 5 notes, two being the artist reblogging it themself, hoping others would too.

So, what was the point of this post? I don't fucking know, mostly to vent my feelings about this. I'm just tired, depressed and annoyed about things right now and I don't know how to get them out other than venting on tumblr.

I guess you could just ignore this post, it was dumb to begin with. I most likely will never quit art cuz it's the only thing I'm good at and it's probably too late to start anything else.

Goodnight.

[fbwzoo]

Hey there! I'm a Brazilian (have to make that clear since I don't know if the same stores will be located here) human person(haha jokes) who have had their mind on getting a Betta fish recently (past year and this one). What are your recommendations to first time owners? Is there any kind of place to avoid putting them and getting them (suburb stores for example)? I know I can look it up, but I want to knwo these things that can be learned from experience and stuff.

I only have some limited experience with betta fish - and none of it was that great, though it did improve with each of the 3 fish. I hope to be an even better betta owner with my next one!! But some advice based on my experience & research (I hope at least some of it will apply to you despite the country differences!):

- Make sure to have a big enough tank! I would go with a 10 gallon tank at minimum, personally. They’ll use the space!

- Look up care & all that, of course. Heating, tank cycling, feeding, etc. Also look into filter recommendations, from what I know, adjustable filters are useful, but more expensive. But you can also baffle them if it’s too strong, there should be posts discussing this if you look it up. Betta fish do need one, but you want to make sure it won’t be too strong for them, as they prefer slower-moving water! They can have a hard time swimming & get stressed from a strong water current. 

- Related to the above two things, have your tank cycled & ready to go before you bring a fish home! If you think you might be impulsive & fall in love with a fish before you’re ready, avoid looking at them until you have the tank all cycled. It’s way less stressful to do the cycling before you bring the fish home than with the fish in the tank. 

- I don’t know if Brazil has a huge issue with pet mill type situations with betta fish like in the US? If it does, definitely be careful about where you get your fish. Avoid stores that are selling them as kind of an afterthought (for example, Walmarts & similar stores in the US will sell them in the pet area & they usually have AWFUL conditions). A fish specialty store would probably be the best place, depending on the store, if you have one near you. Definitely look for signs of healthy fish & good care conditions - clean water, alert & active fish, decent colors, fins held out (not clamped to the body), and so on. If you check my betta fish tag on my blog, there should be a post with signs of a healthy betta.

- I know it can be tempting to want to rescue a fish in poor condition, but unless you can get them free…it’s a bad idea. All your doing is giving the store money for neglecting the fish & encouraging them to continue doing it. 

- This may not be anything you’ve thought of anyway, but if you’re a first time owner, it might be best to stick with plastic plants & avoid trying a planted tank. They seem to be a bit more complicated & you have to learn aquatic plant care & such too. But I also have posts reblogged about planted tanks if you are curious & want to read more! I’m thinking of trying one for my next betta.

- Avoid putting the tank by a window or anywhere it might end up in direct sunlight. That can make it too warm & can cause algae growth. Likewise, I would avoid having it near heating/air vents. I don’t know how much it’d affect tank temperature, but just in case. You’ll want it someplace where you can easily do water changes as well - consider distance between the tank & your water source, and the height of the tank & how accessible it is to you. 

- Make sure whatever you’re putting it on will be stable & strong enough to hold a tank - I think I remember reading that a 10g tank full of water weighs around 100lbs? (Sorry, I know these probably aren’t the same measurements you use!) So avoid using dressers, flimsy bookshelves, etc., and avoid using anything that you would mind possibly getting water damage from dripping tank water, etc. Keep it away from electronics & other electric items for the same reason. And make sure the entire bottom of the tank is supported - if it’s hanging a bit off the ends or anything, that can cause the glass to crack or shatter due to the uneven support.

That’s all I can think of for right now….Anyone else have some advice? :)