#I don't even. Know anymore I dont feel like typing I hate everything

[yxlnst]

Hello! i hope youre having a great day/night

I’ve recently read your fics and i do truly love them, i was here to request something if you dont mind. Feel free to ignore this if its uncomfortable for you!!

I honestly LOVE heavy angst but fluff at the end lmao, could you maybe write something rreeallllyyy angsty with jun, but with a fluff ending? I can’t really come up with good ideas tbh, but maybe a huge argument? Honestly i dont know i just cope with these stuff so anything is fine lol.

Thank you so much if youre seeing this!! Have a great day/night

ofc!! And thank youu aswell, also if the story was not what you had in mind please tell me!! Now lets focus on the ff :DDD

Rebuilding Us

idol!Jun x reader!Y/n

Angst + Fluff

🧸 Word count 🧸 : 664

🎀 Summary : Argument drives you and Jun apart. Reconciliation brings the two of you back together stronger.

🧸 - - - - - - - - - - - - 🎀 - - - - - - - - - - 🧸

Jun stood in the living room, tension crackling in the air like a live wire. You had been arguing for hours, and now, exhaustion and frustration were beginning to take their toll.

"I just don't understand why you can't see it from my perspective!" Jun's voice was raised, his usual calm demeanor shattered by the intensity of the argument.

You crossed your arms, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. "And I don't get why you're always so quick to dismiss my feelings! It's like you don't even care!"

His eyes softened for a brief moment before the anger flared up again. "That's not fair, and you know it. I care more than you realize, but this—" he gestured between the two of you, "this is tearing us apart."

The silence that followed was heavy, filled with unspoken words and hurt. You both stood there, breathing heavily, trying to process everything that had been said. The emotional distance between you seemed insurmountable.

"I just… I need some space," you finally whispered, the words cutting through the tension like a knife. "I can't keep doing this."

Jun's face fell, and for a moment, you saw the vulnerability behind his anger. "So, what? You're just going to walk away?" His voice was quiet now, laced with pain.

You turned away, unable to look at him. "I don't know, Jun. Maybe we both need time to figure things out."

As you walked to the door, you heard him sigh deeply. "I don't want to lose you," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I can't keep fighting like this either."

You paused, your hand on the doorknob, and looked back at him. The sight of him, standing there with a mixture of desperation and sadness, made your heart ache. "I need to think," you said softly. "I hope you understand."

Days passed, and the space between you and Jun felt like a chasm. You missed him terribly, but the arguments had left scars that were slow to heal. One evening, as you sat on the couch, lost in thought, your phone buzzed with a message.

Y/n can we talk? I miss you.

You hesitated, your heart racing. After a few moments, you typed back a simple reply.

Okay.

That night, you met at the park where you had shared so many happy memories. Jun was already there, pacing nervously. When he saw you, he stopped, his expression a mix of hope and fear.

"Hi," he said softly.

"Hi," you replied, equally nervous.

There was a long silence before Jun spoke again. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said. About how I dismiss your feelings. You're right. I was so caught up in my own frustrations that I didn't really listen to you."

You took a deep breath, your heart pounding. "I wasn't fair either. I should have tried to understand where you were coming from instead of just getting defensive."

Jun stepped closer, his eyes searching yours. "I don't want to fight anymore. I want us to work through this. Together."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you nodded. "Me too. I hate being apart from you, Jun."

He reached out, gently taking your hand in his. "I love you. More than anything. Let's not give up on us."

A tear slipped down your cheek as you squeezed his hand. "I love you too. Let's start over."

Jun pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly as if he was afraid to let go. The warmth of his embrace felt like coming home. In that moment, all the pain and anger melted away, replaced by the promise of a fresh start.

As you stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, you knew that the road ahead wouldn't be easy. But as long as you had each other, you were ready to face anything together.

The night sky above was clear, the stars shining brightly as if celebrating your reunion. And as you walked hand in hand, you both knew that the love you shared was stronger than any argument, ready to face whatever came next, together.

[reilleclan-blog]

So errmmm apparently Neil is a Zionist which I'm being honest when I say this. I don't pay attention to actors or actresses or ppl that are part of development teams unless it's something I'm super fixated on. Like cyberpunk and cowboy bebop and naruto shit like that. So i didn't know that the Neil dude was a Zionist I didn't even know his name until a couple days ago cause ppl were talking about him saying something about Ai.

So I started reading on the comparison of tlou and Israel conflict and idk it kinda grosses me out that a story about revenge and change and identity , had something to do with "Israel vs Palestine" tbh . (Yes I'm gonna sound uneducated) but I didn't know shit about why Israel and Palestine were constantly going at it but it seems like Israel are just being blood thirsty bullies. (I really only started hearing about it just recently ) but yeah I'm ngl I'm kinda confused why was that the "inspiration"

I understand not Neil is the only person helping out when making the story but he was the back bone of it all. And idk I feel so weirded out lol. I didn't get a hint of Israel politics (prob cause I don't know shit about it ) but there's political stuff in everything and everywhere but yeah I'm so confused but then again he's a Zionist so ig it makes sense it's in his work. .. damn idk if I want part 3 anymore lol

So I just read the article I see the perspectives a lot. And I said this while I was playing thru the game but them explicitly letting the audience know Dina is Jewish was a choice. And most times when something explicitly says "this person is Jewish" idk it's usually for some weird reason. The article talks about "Jewish ppl surviving" and idk (dude bare with me it's 2am and I sped run thru the article I know I'm not writing a essay) some other stuff like they talk "oh this is an issue" but don't talk about a relative solution of the problems "the cycle of revenge" but why is revenge so powerful.

In the article Neil says something about "universal hate" and i genuinely don't think that exists I GENUINELY don't believe that. It takes zero effort to love and care for someone but to hate someone b/c "hate is universal" .. sounds a bit white supremest im ngl. B/c if someone justifies enslaving another person because of their skin color or b/c of their religion.. or being different in general .. u sound insane. So yes Tlou2 has Israel and Palestine propaganda. Ngl I hate those type of fans that just deny everything just b/c it's not explicitly said. There's a ton of evidence to back up the claims in the first place. AND AGAIN U CAN LIKE SOMETHING BUT ALSO GIVE CRITICISM ON SAID MEDIA . U DONT HAVE TO BLINDLY LIKE SOMETHING(but honestly most ppl wait for some random white dude to say the same fucking thing then somehow everyone starts agreeing lol) after finding that out tho it kinda makes my tummy feel icky inside. If Ellie and Abby were two white dudes I wonder if I'd have enjoyed the story as much lul

The article "not so hidden Israel politics of tlou2" from vice

I feel like I still have more to say about the game but this is it for now. And do not come at me sideways about this fucking game I will block u idc I hate annoying fanboys that dickride everything and hate different perspectives

[fatuismooches]

hii, its 💌 anon coming reallll late but happy anniversary :)) i was gone for so long bc i had school and so much other things but i am back‼️ with pantalone thoughts….and dottore thoughts ofc teehee.

akademiya zandik writing reader letters but then he was like “okay no, im not that whipped (he is) i’m gonna toss it somewhere else” but he ends up keeping it in a box. fragile reader on the other hand used to always write him letters :(( and ofcourse he kept them all. they were always well decorated and had the most beautiful wiring but after reader got sick, he didnt get them anymore. the younger clones would probably make little get well soon cards while the older ones write letters and all :(. (also fits reader literally writing him a letter in the case,, yk,, they die)

meanwhile, in pantaloneland, reader and him watched barbie together!!! he wore pink and the entire shebang, probably even rented….bought an entire theater for the private viewing for the both of you. (its actually js a theater version of the barbie movie. no movies back then so…play! arlie would love it too). BUT!! he js hates ken in the middle of it. “i would never ever get rid of your barbie dream house, darling :(“ because honestly? it makes him sad. how can someone just strip things that their lover likes away just to be better? it reminded him a bit of his own bitter childhood, and because of that, he buys you even more things after <3

“pantalone, i dont need that many outfits-“

“just indulge me darling :) you’ve been with me since i was young, its only fair i return the favor”

- 💌

HI 💌 ANON! Welcome back ❤️ I hope you've been doing good and taking care of yourself!! AND AGHHH THANKS FOR YOU FOR THOUGHTS 😭🤲

ZANDIK WRITING LETTERS 😔💖 He thinks that instead of verbalizing his feelings, he can water them down and make them all professional like he does in his notes/research reports... WRONG. Within the first sentence, he looks at it and stops because wtf there's no way he's gonna continue writing this sappy shit (it wasn't even sappy he was showing that he cared about you a bit more than the average person) But you on the other hand? You don't care if you sound too emotional or sappy or in love or not. You just write what you wanna write. Zandik will scoff and make fun of you but you know he keeps all of them. Where? You don't know, but you just know.

But it's only after it's too late that he realizes how much he likes the little letters he used to receive from you. (UR EVIL FOR THAT LAST PART.) Stop now I'm thinking about bb Zandy giving you a card... he drew you two with crayons 💖

NOT PANTALONE AND YOU WATCHING BARBIE... I haven't seen it yet but I'm beyond excited to go and watch it whenever I'm able to!! Psh, he doesn't even need to buy a theater because you know he been had one for years!! But OUCH not the angst at the end ;( Ugh he literally loves and respects you so much, he can't fathom the thought of ever hurting you on purpose.

In your closet, there are two types of outfits. The ones you wear regularly, and the ones you wore only once because Pantalone makes you try on everything he buys you. Oftentimes you have to enlist your husband for help choosing outfits and accessories because you probably get overwhelmed by your closet being the size of a big bedroom 😭

[vampykween]

HI MICCC :3 hope you are well!! i’ve been brainrotting about ur singledad!simon and here’s a list of scenarios nd thoughts that’s been plaguing my mind

what if poppy got into a fight at school? the fight was short because you pulled them apart almost instantly - but she still got her hair pulled and a scratch on her cheek, and poppy knows from simon that fighting isn’t the best option, but when simon answers your call and hears poppy’s crying in the background, how would he react!!

the way kids like to overshare and have no filter, i can see poppy casually telling you stuff like “yeah my daddy has no friends” or “daddy doesn’t talk much”.. and then when simon comes to pick her up, maybe you two have a small convo and you accidentally slip up and mention what poppy’s told you about him.. then he looks and poppy and you like 🤨what else did you hear..

Oklfldldg how does simon do father daughter nights! is he the type to play competitively in games with her or does he always let her win? does he like taking her out to eat or does he prefer cooking at home :3

AAAA okay last one i promise:3 how do the other kids react to poppy’s behemoth of a dad? are they scared? do they think he’s a mafia boss of some sort? or do they find him incredibly awesome and think he’s a giant from those action movies

(ofc u don’t have to do all of them if u don’t want to OR if u don’t want to spoil anything for the series, just some thoughts! take ur time<3)

hi bby! i am very well right now actually and this made things even better, i could kiss your brain truly mwah <3

i will be saving these ideas because this gave me much needed inspiration and motivation for this series. also sorry if i didnt go as in depth with these, but the longer they sat in my drafts i realized i was never going to remember to finish oops! also i hope you dont mind i will be stealing the oversharing poppy idea if fits perfectly with what i have going for part 3 hehe

✴︎ I feel like simon would be fuming, at whom he’s not even sure. I imagine that some kid said something rude and snarky to her and she couldn’t take it anymore and popped on them, and you’re shocked because poppy is normally such a sweet little girl. Simon would definitely hug poppy close because seeing his baby hurt cuts like a knife, takes her out for ice cream and then chides her because omg! has she lost her mind fighting at school, but also he’s a tiny bit proud she’s a fighter like him. 

✴︎No because Poppy would most definitely do this, in her head she’s just rattling off mundane things about her father, but you’re sporting a frown because there’s a tiny part of you that hates the idea of Simon being alone with just poppy. Not that it’s any of your business though (you would definitely have to remind yourself of that).

Simon is groaning at his daughter’s perceptive nature and how willing she is to share every thought she has. When you waved him over to where you were during school pick up, Simon was praying something bad hadn't happened.  “Mr. Riley, err Simon, sorry.” you correct yourself quickly at the raised eyebrow look he gives you. “Is everything okay… like at home?” you’re mentally face palming at the way you blurted out the very intrusive question. You sense his shock by the question by the almost imperceptible widening of his eyes. “Why-” he looks down at Poppy who’s swinging her tiny hand in his, not paying any attention to the conversation you two are having, “What did she say to you?” You wring your hands nervously, the older man’s deadpan stare makes  you feel like you’re in trouble for some reason. “Poppy mentioned to me that you don't have any friends or talk much to anybody. I don't mean to pry, really I swear. Kids will tell you anything, i'm sure you know. After what happened with the family tree thing and-” You're cut off by Simon’s large hand settling on your shoulder, clearly an attempt to calm you down and halt your rambling, but it has the opposite effect and all you can think about is how enormous his hands are and the weight of it grasping you.  “No need to apologize, Poppy talks my ear off about you. I’d be surprised if she didn’t talk to you about things. And you don't need to worry about me, luv. Im fine being alone, i've got my little petal and that’s enough f’me.” There’s an aura of wistfulness in his words, that makes you want to push him for a more truthful answer, but you chide yourself at your thoughts. You barely know this man. Whatever longing you think is in his voice may as well be a projection of your own sadness; a failed long term relationship will do that to a person. 

✴︎Definitely loves to play games but does not let Poppy win because he wants her to learn how to lose and be okay with it. (You would applaud this btw, this is every teachers’ dream. Trust me on that). Their father-daughter nights also will be movie nights with as many sweets as poppy desires because Simon won't bend to anything but her little puppy dog eyes. I feel like even though he’s not the best cook ever Simon would go out of his way to cook Poppy’s favorites for her. Especially like on a saturday morning and wakes her up with breakfast in bed because why not spoil his little girl if he can. 

✴︎I think it's a mix of both really. I imagine Poppy goes to some nice fancy school because why not lol. And some of Poppy's classmates have snooty rich parents who turn their noses up at Simon so their kids are kinda wary of him too. I think Poppy would hype up her dad so much at recess time. Telling stories of how he used to be a ‘super cool soldier’ and all the other kids would be staring in awe like omg your dad is so cool, my dad just does people’s taxes lol.

[tea-and-secrets]

I feel horrible about this, but it's escalated to a point where this issue could destroy my life if I don't find a way to stop doing it.

So, for some reason, I get these really intense, obsessive, really disturbing fascinations with people. There's no pattern to them, no specific personality type or anything that sets it off, and I have never had more than one or maybe two per year, although they don't usually last more than a few (3-5) months. They're NOT hyperfixations. I've been hyperfixated on people before. For me, it never lasts more than 2 months (usually FAR less) and is entirely platonic, not at all violent or distressing, and doesn't make me upset in any way. I've had hyperfixations and an obsession at the same time, once I had an obsession and hyperfixated on each of his main friends within a 3 month span rapid fire style.

These obsessive feelings are like. Needing to talk to them, intrusive thoughts about hurting them, wanting to find them IRL (even if they live states away), to show up where they are, to call them at ofd hours, constantly imagining a future together, and they're always very romantic/explicit in nature. They make me feel physically ill from how gross they are. They're like nonstop intrusive thoughts of a relationship, but with this intense desire to constantly act on them and a need to be around the person all the time. And not being close to the person makes the intrusive thoughts worse.

It has never happened with someone I have actual romantic attraction to, but it happens even if I don't know them in person or we never met IRL. Usually after they fade I feel ambivalent or cold or just vaguely normal about the person. So basically after a few months of agony it sorts out and I am free usually for 8-10 months. I've never dated someone I have an obsession with. I understand them enoughto know they wouldn't mimic intrusive thoughts if they were genuinely romantic feelings. Plus, they don't last. They always fade eventually and honestly, they seriously freak me out. I don't want to have murderous intrusive thoughts when someone doesn't pick up a Skype call. That's not my idea of romantic.

Usually, I just wait for these feelings to pass, or limit contact with the person, but this time. It's so much worse.

The person is my friend, and way too young for me. He's not a minor, he's just to young for me (4 years younger, its my personal thing). He's taken, not my type, and I've always seen him as a pesky younger brother of sorts, so I never even considered this would happen. Having these feelings about him makes me feel violently ill. I've tried ignoring him and pushing him away until they stopped, but he noticed and I feel guilty punishing him for a problem that's only in my head. It isn't his fault there's something wrong with me. But I dont know what to do. If I told him about it, I'm worried he might think I like him (I don't think I do, I know how my obsessions are and it isn't love) and based on comments he's made, I'm worried he might actually try to rope me into a polycule or shoot his shot with me. Neither of those would be good places for my mental state.

I also really don't want our other friends to hear about this because I have a crush on one friend who's way older than me (we're both adults but we would NOT have gone to high school together ha ha) and I still want to hold out hope that in a few years she might see me as a viable partner (a bi can dream...) which would be jeopardized if she knew I'm basically a freak of nature.

So I need to figure out how to fix this part of me, FAST. I can't keep doing this and I'm scared things will fall apart or I'll lose it trying to fix this but I'm scared of losing everything.

I wish I could just have been born normal but I wasn't and now I have to fix it. It doesn't feel fair, and I hate it, but I want to be normal and not have to deal with this anymore. I want to just be okay, and I don't know how. I just know that normal people don't do this and this scares me. I don't want to hurt people, I don't want to be like this, and I don't know how to fix it, so I just suffered in silence for years. And now I have to fix it and don't know where to start. I just needed to tell someone about it.

.

[coenloveshisbffpouty]

Don't change.

I tell you that all the time

The more I do the more I realize

That even if you change

I would love you through any change.

I think the reason I tell you not to change

Isn't because I don't want to see you grow

Or because I don't want to see you be happier

But because in a way I'm selfish and my love is all consuming only for you.

Even when you don't feel beautiful.

Even when you look into a mirror and never enjoy what you see.

Even though you try to avoid seeing yourself or your body.

I would do countless things to make you

In your eyes, where self-disdain may dwell, I'd trade gazes, that you might see yourself well.

So you could see yourself as perfectly as I do.

I've always been the type to talk and dissapear.

I've never clung onto anyone or keep friends.

It seems I always do something wrong.

It seems I always drive others away from me

It seems like I'm never good enough.

Not for others so definitely not for someone like you.

Someone who is so kind that they have no choice but to call theirself naive and stupid.

But being kind amidst a world so harsh isn't naive,weak, nor is it stupid.

I think it's one of the strongest things you can do.

Something I was never able to do.

After being hurt a few times I gave up on being kind

Maybe that's also why I never want you to be unkind and change.

I don't want you to be like me.

The beautiful words that you say were never made for someone like me.

The ways in which you miss me make me feel a warm embrace on my heart.

The ways in which you never call me it but I know deep down I'm your favourite makes me ache.

Ache to do anything to stay your favourite.

Because I've never been anyones favourite.

I've never been promised that someone would stay and they would actually stay.

I've never been told I don't have to try so hard as you always tell me.

I've never had a kind person like you in my life.

It's like you're everything good and I'm everything bad.

I only wish you were within my grasp,

For I would hold you with a firm locing grip and never let anyone even graze your kind heart.

I would never let anyone dirty your pure soul.

With you I never feel as though I'm not enough.

So I want you to feel the same way with me.

And maybe thats why, sometimes I get mad.

Seeing you talk to others as though their the best you've ever had.

I'm sorry for being so in love with you that I can't see anyone else.

But when I saw you nude for the first time although you were fully clothed.

I fell so hard, as autumn leaves do.

They fall slow and steady until they can't get back to where they once were anymore.

I saw you naked, but yet nothing physical.

Instead I saw just how deeply your affection goes.

I saw the things you were afraid to show others.

I saw everything that you hide as though they make you not feel human.

I saw everything that you thought anyone would hate that made me fall even harder.

I want to always be here for you and hold your hand,

vowing to love everything about you even if i dont understand.

You say you know love exists because you exist and you're full of it.

Your love is like, a reservoir full to the brim,

Overflowing, touching hearts not meant to swim.

Like me.

So much that everyday I crave you to tell me you love me and that you're doing well.

You're beautiful words and the kind things you do for I were never meant for a person like me.

I wonder how I ever had the dumb idea of falling for you when there are so many greater than me.

Youre everything good and I'm all that is bad.

This love of mine leaves me terribly sad.

The light in your eyes which makes me lose my sense of direction have such a distant glow

even when I feel like I'm so far away from you always left behind in your shadow.

Why did i ever choose a path so tough.

even when I know my love will never be enough.

You are a beautiful sunrise and I'm a dimming sunset.

My words are never good enough, nor are my actions, or my entire being.

Why did I have to love a love where you are everything good,

and I am everything bad?

Is that what you think I believe?

I don't think of that at all.

My love for you is not wasted

I feel more as if its for the better.

Because everyone who has once held you

Shattered you just a little bit.

So I want to show you truly that unconditional love exists.

And you are worthy of this love the same as everyone else.

Did you think you weren't?

Because of the bad things you think

Not only about life but also yourself?

You may declare yourself tainted

But my brush will always defy.

On a blank clanvas, I crafted a vision so sublime

Silk dark hair portraying, eyes that brightly shine.

Yet, this painting of mine merely scratches the surface,

For your heart is terribly sweet, with love so honest.

Complex thoughts in a mind which explores,

Feelings that resonate, sincere and yours.

In hues of emotion, my brush will always display,

A masterpiece of love, in every single way.

You can gaze upon my art

As much as you'd like.

It isn't just your physical beauty.

It's ineffable and it is true.

It isn't just physical for it is the essence of you.

Every chapter of your life is imperfect with blemishes.

But each blemish a chapter is a vital part.

Because we all have imperfections.

Some worse than others.

But no one blooms every moment of their time on earth.

Just like flowers we also sometimes may wither and dry up.

Just like the moons cycle we may have moments where we are dull and not bright.

But what is important is we will always to back to how we were.

Even if it sounds absurd.

I tell you not to change

But even you can't always remain the same.

My love for you is undying.

Not because my heart beats only for you

And not because all I think of is you.

But because you feel as though you're the other half of my soul.

My best friend

You and I are both aware.

I will die and so will you

But I write countless things

With you woven deep into my words.

Hoping that atleast one person remembers them.

So my love for you will never be forgotten.

If others love you with a grain, I would give you the entire dessert.

For a heart as kind of yours deserves no less.

Your love is a haven where I can be myself,

Wherever life takes us, it's where I belong.

So go ahead, dream big, chase your hearts desires,

For in my arms, you'll always have a home.

[tecchous-thicc-buttocks]

what do you like doing in your free time?

why is your name clenched buttocks (I wanna know the reason, pls its so funny lol)

what are things you're good at? (own it babe) (and i don't mean 'babe' in a weird way - just gotta clear that lol)

do you have a best friend?

do you write OG stories and/or fanfics?

one thing you hate about yourself

one thing you love about yourself

do you want a pet? if so, what pet and why

(pls at this rate, its sounding like an interview, so sorry 😂 i'm just...i have a lot of time in my hands and i decided to do this for no particular reason)

fave type of music?

what made you like bsd? and did you always like it? (cause for me, i didnt like it too much at first but it grew on me the second time around)

have you read the bsd light novels and what's your fave light novel if yes?

any pet peeves?

what's your 'ideal' partner (do you have a type like Kunikida or are you fine with anything as long as you're having fun)

Would you rather be single and rich or taken and with a normal salary?

are you happy with where you work/study?

what's your dream career?

what's the app you use the most?

would you rather draw or write?

*** (P.S just pick the ones you want to answer) **

i think im going to look like a weirdo asking so much questions but whatever. at least we dont know each other HAHA i hope you have a good day. <3 and also i love your analyses. just keep posting what you like. i find some of your posts funny lol

good day.

(# you asked and i delivered) (# just me looking for an excuse to use this line) (# cause you said you wanted more questions in your other post TT) (# also ik this isn't a real tag but i wanna be ✨creative) (# fan behavior? idk anymore lmao) okay bye mwa <3

KHJDKJKSAJDGKJSFKG I LOVE THIS I LOVE YOU I WILL BEGIN ANSWERING NOW

i have no free time. I either overwork myself or sleep. however, assuming that i've got a sliver of time to do something, I swap from one obsession to the next <3 rn it's going for insanely long bike rides and turn down every road I feel like until I'm lost,, and going to the gym like an absolute maniac bc i want my arms to be the size of a regular adult's legs

my username is what i desire in life. it is was I strive to be worthy of. it is beauty and life itself, it is the culmination of the universe's most wonderous accomplishments all squished into two raging enormous, gargantuan muscular earth shattering sea trembling ass cheeks 😩😩 (BUT in all seriousness I chose this bc I felt like having tecchousthiccthighs wasn't quite as pleasant??? eheheh buttocks is a funny word)

MY TALENT IS SAYING ANYTHING THAT CROSSES MY MIND TO STRANGERS i've been on this spree lately where I just straight up call anyone pretty when I run into them and HOLY MOLY PPL ARE SO CUTE ABT IT this is your sign to compliment someone today ✨✨ but nah baby i'm good at everything it's a curse ngl (U CAN CALL ME WTV HUN IT'S OK KJKDJFKJS UR SO ADORABLE WHAT)

no best friend bc i can't do commitment and bully friends that get too close to me 😍😍 BUT i'm gonna tag @bellyjellyfish for being my one and only and somehow not hating me thru my unironic "uwu" phase <33

I wrote a 700 page story when I was 12 and it remains unfinished bc I kept rambling and there was no plot 🕴️I love writing but abandon a whole lot of works bc I dream up the rest of the plot and go "oh well why write it now i've been there done that" I DO WRITE FANFICS 👁️👁️ I have a wp account where i wrote a bunch of awful stories and it still stands to this day! (no i will not disclose it don't even try me grr)

I hate how sexy I am 😭😭😭😩😩😩🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

I love how sexy I am 😳😳😳😳🥶🥶🥶🥶😜😜😜😜

I WANT A TARANTULA I WANT A TARANTULA I WAS A CHILEAN RED KNEE TARANTULA AND I WANT ONE SO BADLY OMFG I've always liked spiders but the ppl I live with would absolutely kick me out if I got one??? once i live on my own i'm def buying two cages so that whenever I have guests, I just put out the empty cage, hide the real one, and be like "oh no what happened to billy my tarantula, he escaped again :(" just to wreak havoc

(HAHA NO IT'S OK I USUALLY DO THIS TO OTHER PPL SO I APPRECIATE U SM LOL SLIDE INTO MY DMS BBG)

fav type of music is classical bc i'm edgy and not like other girls 🤩🤩🤩 something about la campanella just hit so hard when I was like 10 that I have taken it and ran, but I do listen to rnb a lot, never in just one language tho bc sometimes english sucks my d

I liked bsd as soon as I saw ranpo's silhouette in the first episode, I was like "him. I want him 🏃‍♀️" but it was solidified in my head as soon as I saw natsume bc 1) he's hot AF IT'S NOT FAIR I WANT HIM 2) I had been reading his irl works and fell in love, so I started exploring other bsd authors and it introduced me to gogol (i'm so in love with his writing style it's not ok) soooo yeah :)) I started reading bc someone (you know who you are) liked chuuya and I haven't looked back since, tbh it's one of my favs just bc of the characters and their depth

I've read all the light novels I could get my hands on, and I have to say stormbringer FOR THE ONLY, SOLE REASON THAT I AM IN ABSOLUTE LOVE WITH ADAM

pet peeve hmmmm idk??? i'm chill with everything except pickles I hate those mfs, but if I had to chose smth it would be when someone shoves a ship down my throat (it's me i'm bitches go stan satosugu rn)

no ideal partner! I'm aro fyi, but also I feel like I'd be chill with just abt anything?? if u match my energy, we can be partners in chaos and i'll feel understood, and if you don't, I get to learn abt a different kind of lifestyle and get to have someone sane to hold me down (or to corrupt), so either way it's a win. I find culture to be incredibly attractive, speak a language I don't or tell me about a tradition of yours with a wholesome smile and I'd move mountains for you 💖💖 teach me abt something that you're emotionally invested in and an expert, and I'm literally yours <3

haha i don't ever wanna be in a relationship so i'll take being rich,, but honestly it ain't about the money, i'd want to have a normal salary and be taken, but it just ain't my vibe ?? dunno how to explain erm-

dream career is racecar driver YOU TRAVEL ACROSS THE WORLD TO ICONIC DESTINATIONS YOU GET PAID INSANE MONEY AND YOU GO VROOM VROOM VERY FAST WHILE CONSTANTLY ALMOST DYING WHAT ELSE DO I NEED IN LIFE????

app i use most is my local library app bc i'm constantly trying to renew my books that are incredibly close to being overdue 🫡 but nahh i don't use my phone that often it still irks me i'm actually a 60 year old gilf who hates technology and complains abt kids these days

I CAN'T DRAW BUT I ALSO CAN'T WRITE YOU'VE GOT ME AT A DEADLOCK BRO??? if it's which I would rather be GOOD at, i'd say drawing bc imagine thinking abt something and just printing it out on paper??? yall fr got some magical talent omg

WHAT IF WE DO KNOW EACH OTHER THO??? WHAT IF WE'RE ACTUALLY NEIGHBORS??? CHILDHOOD FRIENDS??? YOU NEVER KNOW AND YOU PROBABLY NEVER WILL MUAHAHAHAHA i'm gonna stop now but ty for all your questions and have a wonderful day, darling <33

[someoneinjersey]

while googling the answer to "why does 5 seconds of summer hate their song 'dont' stop'" last night i came upon a tumblr post from a now deactivated account, dated 8 years ago listing four big reasons why they hate 5sos.

as someone who's almost 40 and just became a 5sos fan and has lived through the golden and bullshit days of pop punk and little bands full of dudes etc, i was like OP I JUST WANNA TALK

like their points were that 1) they steal riffs and logos and designs, 2) theyre mean to fans, 3) theyre sexist, and 4) theyre homophobic.

as to point 1 -- at the time the post was made, they were still teenagers (or three of them were, one was 21) and they were of COURSE going to be making music and designs or whatever that were influenced by the bands they liked and grew up on. that's how that shit works, both being teens and being in bands. its extremely hard to be original anymore, and you can't even say the bands they copied were being original either because they TOO were drawing from artists who came before. everything old is new again, every song sounds like another song and every art design has been influenced by another or is a tribute to another. that's just ART. the video linked to prove that a 5sos song was the same as another band's (it was either MCR or FOB or Green Day, idr) is no longer available, but i think a better video to watch would be one of several that points out all popular songs are from the same chords.

as to point 2 -- again, the post cited that explained the bad experience has since been deleted, but you will find that EVERY SINGLE ACTOR OR SINGER OR BAND OR ANY TYPE OF CELEBRITY HAS STORIES FROM FANS WHERE THEY WERE "MEAN". because people have bad days, and sometimes fans really feel entitled to too much of them. we as consumers of their art aren't entitled to shit. and once more (this is a theme to my pov) they were literal teenagers who shot to fame and by their own accounts were sometimes doing five countries in five days.

points 3 and 4 -- the sexism and the homophobia which were just old twitter posts ... i would like to know if OP has ever met a group of young male friends or anyone from australia. obviously we know now that shit's not kosher and hope they've grown and learned, but they were teenagers (I say this because all the ones cited were by Michael who was not the member who was 21 at the time of OP's list). they're about the same age as my brother, and having been around him and his friends at that age ... that's how they talk to each other. same with having had a best friend from australia for 17 years, culturally it's not a big deal to say shit like that. and AGAIN if it's about putting it on twitter for everyone to see, THEY WERE STUPID BOYS.

even though i'm not on twitter anymore (or fucking X or whatever) and i don't follow them on social media at all, i haven't seen anything to suggest they still have that same dumb boy mindset. and you can look at it like, thats me being sexist or ageist, or you can look at it like i'm excusing it all because of their age and gender and the cultural differences, plus their parents probably didn't teach them any differently. so honestly take this however you want but like man. having lived through the pop punk bandom during the 2000s and 2010s, you gotta be able to separate people making stupid mistakes from people doing really fucked up shitty things.

so thats my rant because that post rubbed me the wrong way OH WELL.

[onlyjaeyun]

I sent you an ask about the Jay smau, idk if you got it, since tumblr just hasn't been sending some of my ask, I know you said you were gonna not answer one since it gave you ideas, which I know the one I sent started with something about us all sharing braincells and talked about the bff could sabotage y/n, and how Jay might respond and all once him and y/n are together. If you didn't get it, you could let me know and I'll try to resend it.

Also to reply to the other ask I sent you, I feel like NCTzens are either amazing to writers or so toxic. Like I once did an MTL that was an ask and it was who would like a thicc s/o and I put Taeyong like in the middle, and I got so much hate, someone spammed my inbox with like 40 messages saying Taeyong would never want a fatty, and they made like 10 fake accounts to comment on all of my NCT mtls to share their opinion, and I just had to delete most of my NCT MTLs and block like 20 accounts. They were so mad that I said Taeyong would probably want a an s/o that eats well, they felt the need to attack me so badly, I quit writing MTLS for NCT after that. Then I would have people in my asks complaining about me not doing them anymore, and it's just like I wonder why; you ask my opinion and then when I say Johnny would love a girl with a fat ass you attack me since it's not want you wanted me to say. I've been in a lot of fandoms, and I'm lucky most I've been don't go out of their way to attack you for a varying opinion or disliking something, but NCTzens it's just like where do you get the audacity.

I feel like they would probably think I'm some weird and be all ew p*d0 or something, but I'm just such a mom friend it's just like if you are younger than I and we are interacting, I now view you as my child nothing else; but it's just easier to avoid talking to them, since people always immediately assume the worst, which I don't blame them since there are so many weirdos on here. tbh it is, like I see no age anywhere or like even an age range, like just put 18+ or 21+, just let me know you are legal, otherwise I run the other way and hit that block button with such speed, it could rival Usain Bolt; since I just immediately assume minor that doesn't want you to know they are a minor. The same is for people who write smut about minors, when they themselves are not, even if they didn't know the age of the idol. Like I saw someone the other day that wrote Niki smut and someone messaged them saying 'he's a minor', they full on said "omg I had no idea, he looks like he's 20" and like this is why we can't have nice things, at least they deleted their stuff, but still immediate block.

the czennie fandom part: YES. i feel like czennies on here just overdo everything like calm tf down and if you dont like certain type of content just..dont read it? its honestly so sad bc they used to be my ults but i also had such bad experiences in that fandom it's heartbreaking. ive been so much more cautious and careful with what i post ever since and i feel like a lot of fellow former nct writers feel that way. its just so difficult to deal with it all bc you do it as a hobby and to kinda escape the real world and boom, hate and negativity everwhere. i'd never go back to writing for nct for that sole reason only. im so sorry you had to go through that baby, i know exactly how disheartening and demotivating that can be 💔

about the whole age thing: FULLHEARTEADLY AGREED. i think with a fandom this young its super difficult to find a good balance but im honestly glad most of us older engenes think that way and so far most younger ones have been super respectful (tho i did have to block a few minors bc they interacted with my nsfw content) i still feel a lot more comfortable than i did in other fandoms. the thing is, atp if a 05/06 liner happens to write smut about an idol the same age i just close both eyes and block them bc who am i to tell them what to do yk? yet not knowing an idols age you write for is kinda ???? nah, dont fw but deffo get your other points. also i lit felt the mom friend part so hard bc same (more like older sister friend) but im genuinely afraid creeping out younger engenes bc i dont wanna seem like im being a weirdo 😭

[watermelonsliceoflegs]

Every day that passes i feel more and more like I've ruined all my relationships and that I'm creating issues and it makes me feel so crazy cause I can't tell if it's true or not and then that makes me think i don't know anything at all and then i hang out with my friends and I'm like "omg this isn't working" and then i feel worse and then i don't hang out with my friends and i feel worse and i feel like my life is being taken from me and i hate it and i hate when people try to reassure me now it just makes me angry so i definitely know I'm the problem because nothing anyone does works for me and nothing i do works for me and i dont even know what i want because i must be wanting something if I'm so dissatisfied with most things but what kind of idiot doesn't know what they want and i think i feel a weird mixture of forgotten but also self isolated but once again everything i feel just turns into anger because I'm so upset at myself and i feel lost in general so i wanna get good at something or everything but every time i do anything i hate it and it makes me want to legitimately die which is a whole other issue I've been meaning to work on for years now so that part is actually irrelevant but it certainly doesn't help when I'm feeling messed up and all over the place and now I'm at that point where I'm like "wow do i even post this" but i think i will cause i hate when i type stuff out and then have nothing to do with it which is why i lowkey hate journaling anyway everything made sense like 9 months ago but now nothing makes sense and i have no idea how capable i am in any regard and I don't know what any of my next moves should be and whenever I'm feeling any sort of way it honestly feels like ive been feeling that way my whole life and i feel like I'm stuck in the same patterns that I've been in since i was like actually 4 years old but for different stuff and that makes me feel crazy again because then i think about being a kid and i get all weird because i start to feel bad for her so basically moral of the story is I'm insane and destroying my social life but not on purpose at all because i have not chosen to distance myself from anyone but somehow i feel like no one is in my life anymore and it stresses me out constantly and i genuinely believe everything will get worse

[leedongwook]

-> re: reblogging issue convo

Thank you for the kind answer, as always. I hope you get all the reblogs and more people support your work, you really deserve it! 🩷

I'm one of the "old bloggers" too, been around here for 15 years and just turned 30 last month 🥳 and you're right, could be the age why we dont understand the conceptual change 😭😂

I'm also pretty sure we both have the same idea of tumblr and how to use it respectfully and politely, so as to not make this ask even longer, I'll skip it if that's ok?

The thing is, some content creators I follow occasionally post rants and warnings about not wanting any opinions in the hashtags, comments, any text added to their gif sets, positive thoughts included. It's not that I've ever received a msg directly, but I do feel like I'm being yelled at too in those rants because I type things like "this is so gorgeous and I love that character so much" in the tags.

I definitely don't reblog as much as before and tbh don't even want to anymore. That, however, doesn't include your work, which I often reblog without thinking twice. So thank you, for everything you're doing here. Wishing you a nice week 🫶🏻🩷☀️🌺

I am so happy to see you back, I was worried my answers were maybe a bit too direct and harsh. Thank you for your kind words and wishes, I appreciate it 💕 We are the "oldies" on here huh :) yeah I think we both know the true Tumblr etiquette and how to blog the right way (I wish some more people had that common sense again duh!)

Oh, I see what you mean now. I think I've said it in one of my asks, how much we love to read other people's thoughts and opinions (= you screaming about how much you love the character/person or show or scene or whatever in the gifset) on our gifsets/content. So please always reblog stuff and yell about how much you love it, it's the best thing to see :) I know some content creators don't like when people add stuff to their gifset in the comment section and not in the tags. So it changes the layout/style of the original post a bit. I don't mind if people add their thoughts in the comments section and it's defo no reason to send hate to other bloggers.

What I personally dislike tho is, when people reblog my gifset and add negative tags to it (like I fuckn hate this show, or the character sucks). Why reblog something you don't like, that makes no sense to me. That's actually the only reason I don't like people reblogging my gifs. Thankfully most of the reblogs I get are lovely and happy reblogs which makes me happy too :)

Anyway, I think I got what you mean and I think you also understand my points. Thanks for talking about this and clearing things up. I get why it's a bit discouraging for you to reblog stuff, no one wants to get hate and no one should get hate, ever. I do hope your Tumblr experience will get better and you can enjoy reblogging again.

Thank you for supporting my work and for reblogging my stuff, it means a lot to me. All the best to you and have a wonderful week 😘

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Leaf here again, same TWs (financial abuse mostly) and ableism tw

Hello I'm back already because today was a lot.. Right now I feel like venting mostly, it's just that a lot has happened

So basically I had a rough week already and since I'm autistic I need to have more down time than others, and I Didn't have it. Many unexpected things piling up and I got so little sleep.

My mom ended up giving me a check that covered 2 classes and I'm not surprized because they intentionally play on my panic (I had anticipated that the way they told me was on purpose to make me panic). So it's not great but I got that covered at least.

I also had some money that my grandma gave me but it didn't cover much either because these classes are extremely expensive (I'm still really grateful however). When I paid for the classes I told them to remove my father's email address, they won't send him the bills or the planned classes anymore. To be honest I don't know if this was a good choice because everything is so hard to anticipate, but they send me the documents so it should be fine.

Then I went to my driving lesson and it was awful? I didn't have enough time to prepare because like I said the week was rough so I was in pain, I coudln't mask so I drove poorly and my teacher kept criticizing me every 2 seconds. To summarize I've experienced this type of behavior since forever because I'm disabled and people refuse to believe that I'm trying.

So I ended up crying when we talked about my progress during that specific class at the end, and it was really uncomfortable. It's retraumatizing and I really hate it because I could tell I was getting better, even today because messing up is part of the process.

Then I came back and learned my other grandma was going to come over, so it was a good opportunity to ask her for hel. Even though it worked out in the end, it was such a pain to just talk to her alone. I had to ask my mom twice and be super firm just so we would be alone together.

My grandma said that they had planned to give me a lot of money after I got my driver's licence, but since I need it now and I'm responsible they already gave me everything. It's a relief although I'm not sure if it will cover everything, but I will try to leave that on the side for now because it's given me so much anxiety lately.

I suppose I'm back to the "normal" window, so things are "okay". Basically if I work my ass off and do the most people pleasing i can (since my parents disgust me and i dont like to lie), then things stay at a doable level. I suspect that my parents are doing it on purpose too, because if they were to go all out then they would lose their good image. I use that to my advantage by pretending I still believe in it and care about them - though they seem to suspect I don't believe any of it, but if they can pretend we're a great family, then I can too.

To be honest it's a bit hard to talk about this because I feel like people will call me a liar for needing help when I genuinely never know which options I have with my parents. They can always choose to have a random power trip but sometimes they do give me crumbs. That makes me afraid of being misunderstood because I do come from a "comfortable" background, but my quality of life is less than ideal. Even if they weren't abusive, there's more than meets the eye - my dad gets paid well, but he's a factory worker who didn't pass high school. If he were to get fired (which will happen eventually), he wouldn't have the same salary anymore.

Hi Leaf,

I'm so sorry about what's been going on. It sounds like you've been going through a lot recently, not only with paying for classes but also issues with your driving lesson. It makes sense how being paid or not can be a significant source of anxiety.

I wish your driving instructor could be more understanding of what you've been going through, and that they could be more mindful of how critiquing someone constantly can affect someone, as well as more constructive and compassionate ways to offer suggestions or corrections. I can understand how this experiencing was retraumatizing for you.

I can see how this might be hard to talk about. Please remember that you know yourself best and it's not other people's place to tell you what your needs are. Whatever needs you do have are valid and deserve to be respected and met. Obviously internalizing this is easier said than done especially with experiences like yours where you're made to feel afraid of being misunderstood and such.

I hope that you can find healing and begin to process everything you've been going through in a healthy way, hopefully with the guidance and mediation of a mental health professional such as a therapist, if that is an option for you.

If anyone else has any comments or suggestions feel free to add on. Otherwise I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[moonlightsweatheart]

Twenty-Three - Cotton Candy Dream

Finally, you heard a knock on the door. You opened it with a smile and Kaeya immediatly smiles back. You can smell his parfume without difficulties and notice that he looks as stressed as you.

"Hi" he says nervously.

"Hey Kaeya, i'm ready to go !" you answer, going out of the appartment and locking the door behind you.

"Ayaka isn't home, so i wont take the risk to let the door unlocked."

He smiles and nods at your words, but the truth is that he didn't even listen what you said. He can't help but be amazed by how you look. You have really pretty clothes and your smile is even brighter than the day you meet.

"Should we get going ?"

"Uh, yes, sorry. I was distracted for a second."

"Is everything alright ?" you ask, placing a hand on his arm.

"Yes, yes of course ! Come on, or we're going to miss the train."

He suddently changes his attitude and takes your hand in his, starting to walk to the train station.

The walk is not long, and you two arrive pretty quickly. You both realise how easily the discussion flows between you and you can't help but feel happy about it.

There is something strange hanging out with only Kaeya, a feeling that is not unpleasant but still unusual.

It's not the first time you two are alone together, but still, your heart flutters, your cheeks are warming up and you are head over heels for him.

Everything he says is good, and you don't even realise how bad you're falling for him anymore.

After thirty minutes of train, you can finally get out and breathe some fresh air.

Kaeya is still holding your hand, and its becoming an habbits but neither of you are complaining.

"The circus is right here. I already bought the tickets online so we just have to give them to the man in front of the entrance."

You let him guide you and wait in line like everyone else.

"Do you want to buy some popcorn or chips ? Or something to drink maybe ?" he asks you, seeing a stand with food and drinks.

"Yes, that would be great. I want some cotton candy !"

He laughs at your enthusiasm.

"I will buy cotton candy too. It looks so good, i want to try it."

You look at him with widen eyes.

"You never ate cotton candy ?"

"No, never. Diluc hated it when we were kids and i had the bad habbit of never trying anything that he didn't like. Now that i grow up, i realise how stupid it was and i'm trying to at least try before saying i dont like something"

"It's a good idea. Plus, cotton candy is my favorite type of candy."

"Well then, i hope i'll like it."

After giving your tickets, you run to the candy stand and buy two cotton candy and two drinks to enjoy the show.

You find your seats without problem and continue to talk until a man stands in the center of the circus track and starts to talk.

"Hello everybody ! Welcome to our new show, specially created for the start of this new school year ! I know all lot of you probably just went back to school and i hope this show will be a way to enjoy yourselves before the classes start to get serious again !"

Everyone applause and finally, the show starts.

There are clowns, acrobats, trapeze artists, and even a tiger tamer.

"Look Yn, this is my favorite moment. They going to make this girl dissapeare in front of us and nobody will ever understand how."

You smile at the way his eyes are shining. You feel your heartbeats getting faster and suddently, you realise.

Damn, your friends were right. You are totally in love with this man. He's eating his cotton candy with joy, looking at the magician and his assistant with excitement and you couldn't be happier than right now, by his side.

"Yn, did you see ? I told you, nobody could understand how they did that !"

"Yeah...I totally didn't get it either."

Masterlist | Chapter Twenty-Two | Chapter Twenty-Four

Taglist : @orionicchaos @mayasshitposts @roguebox

[mrstsung]

How come anymore they make raiden so weak? Are people really that against raiden being the overworked,underappreciated,older brother of earthrealm? Are people that against the fact raiden could do everything and anything to help people. And yet.....absolutely be given the short end?

Raiden isn't supposed to be this,no offense to NRS and mk fans. Weak as fucking all hell.

Even in mortal form he was supposed to be an expert fighter with the highest level of whoop ass. The only reason why he kicked more ass is because of his godhood. But his godhood...LIKE ALL THINGS PEOPLE. Has some form of self responsiblity and honor.

Not to mention he cares extremely deeply for mortal lives. That's what made him the protector of earthrealm in the first damn place. Because he related so much to them.

He wasn't like other gods. The only other one closest to that was his Younger brother fujin. Who in turn. Also became a protector.

They kinda take turns between each other to watch over earthrealm and also the kombatants/earthrealms warriors too.

Like good lord some people obviously don't pay attention. But it's ok. It's a game. We too busy throwing hands and having fun to pay attention to story.

But thats also a double edged sword because this unfortunately makes the storylines bland af

But hey that's what blogs like these are for. So you can fill in the gaps better and dust off the unwanted bull.

Again ugh. Sorry for all the raiden rant posts of late.

But i can't stand to see one of my faves get so much slander and horrible writing.

Like raiden was my boy. I had many other crushes n faves(sassy hatbae kung lao and of course our favorite local bih sorcerer). But rai? Oh he was special.

He was comfort character,the easiest for me to play with,i loooooved his character,he was better imho when he was sarcastic and gentle but when push came to shove. Dont fuck with the god of thunder! He was indeed the older,wiser,and more reserved of the storm bros. But he was just as loving,passionate for life,and gentle as his brother fujin. (It's just older sibling problems ya know?) Like Raiden is the dude i would honestly go to talk to when i felt i needed advice or a shoulder to cry on. I feel he understands human emotions on a deeper level than most wanna believe. But he doesn't let them control him. Instead he feels them. And then lets it be. (Zen that shit mofo) he sits with them,be's their friend instead of going against the currents,he flows with them. He's definitely a "let me sit with you and let you talk,i will listen" or "sit with me a while and ease your burdens for a bit" type guy. Like i feel like they went hella backwards with raiden so much.

What is it with people making the most human,fun,and compassionate gods so to speak. Nerfed and weakened to all hell?

Do people not believe in compassionate gods or characters in general? I blame the worlds state and suffering for this terrible influx of writing. Which is sad. Because this should make people write even more compassionate characters,to bring light to the irl problems we see every day. But hey,it is what it is brah.

But anywho. I need sleep. No need to get too deep. Lol.

(Don't worry the shang tsimping will be back I'm just trying to give some love to my boy raiden because i see too much hate on him and it hurts my heart.)

[alleycat4eva]

Thoughts on Recent Posts

I'm not sure I should even be on this subject anymore with how I tend to react to it.

(Can't add Readme but here's where it would go)

To me being female is intrinsic to and unseperatable to being second class person growing up and it is also an unseperatable part if me. It is like the color of my skin where even when I fought to be more than just a girl or woman I was always held down and back by being a woman.

And maybe it's jealousy of male puberty and the liberty granted to males in my life -because as much as culture dictate they provide or protect it is me paying for my own schooling, my rent, the food, the bills; me doing the chores the talking the car fixing- but there is an unseperateable part of what feminity and womanhood is in that struggle to be recognized as a equal. A struggle that was not asked for, and can't be run or hidden from.  It's not all of it but it is a formative part.

And so - and I won't lie this is something I think I might need therapy for- to me claiming that feminity without having faced the history is fraught. It's claiming powerlessness when you have/had the power. And instead of embracing traditionally feminine activities or ideals or aestetics and continuing despite sex it... embraces these things while adhereing to it.

And on the concept of gender neutral I don't have a conceptualization for it other than not ascribing to either gender role (which I always thought was taught and assigned) which I thought was like. The norm. Because both are incredibly constrictive and don't actually represent real how real people live.

And as for transmen well I will be honest and say I have no idea and no info on it. I've known two transmen but one detransistioned and the other is just the dude I took class with.

Not to mention the discourse in the community itself? Like there's inclusive trans binary trans transfluid and like transcum and transmed and dysphoria

(On a side note? Wtf is the Treatment for gender dysphoria? Because why the hell did I like. Just get told to basically deal with it when receiving treatment for ana/bul and that I just had to overcome that feeling and learn to live with it but like that def does not seem to be the case for gender dysphoria. So reading things like do X to feel more like your dysphoric image of yourself is... Not at all how I was trained to deal with it. They were like " yeah sometimes you'll not wanna eat and tear your skin off that's normal ride it out and dont do that and def eat despite dysphoria")

I'm here. I'm listening. I'm genuinely trying to understand.

And then everything I try to go to tumblr -a fucking leftist source if there was one- and search transwoman is hyper sexualized and fetishized selfies instead of gender discussion. Same with trans. Just to be sure I type in woman and get paintings and then radfem and terf actually have discourse and discussion. Which is why I am thankful for the tag recs.

Btw tranmen? Some affirmation and discourse. But like. Also chock full of radfem and terf stuff.

But then, on a side note, to be literally 2nd gen after ww2 in this country and then be called nazi? What the fuck? Is that the greatest act of violence? For me to say -on the internet- " hey uh I know that this is generally gonna be hated but I think I might be a terf here's why I'm not really sure what's going on"

And then thats nazi self identification somehow.

Go outside and touch grass. Go to 4chan and see what neonazis will actually post. Come here to the US south where people feel comfy enough unironically tell me that men are better and that I should know my place. Where cops have in the last 6 month shot someone because they smelled weed while he was walking and they pinned him to the ground a street over and there is a lawsuit for use over canines against civilians and for an illegal body slam. (All separate.) Where there are legitimate state reps who want to legislate how afab can move in and outta state.

And thats not trying to be like oppression Olympics. That's saying here and now calling me a nazi and being devisive feels outta touch and insane. I literally have little to no control over myself how tf am I going to be controlling anyone else.

[euphor1a]

hello. just wanted to say that I love all your works.

funny story, your fic was actually the first ever fanfic that I read. it was a little over a year back, I was in a not-so-good headspace. and just searched up 'yeonjun fanfic' on google lmao just for the heck of it. tried wattpad, was scarred💀 twt was just not for me. and then tried tmblr and was greeted by one of your yeonjun drabbles. ngl, I was a little taken aback at the liberal use of the obscene words lmao. and then since I didn't know how to actually use tmblr, I just read all of your works. and I mean all. so the works that literally don't even exist anymore, I've read them too!

so I've been with your works way back when you were cupidchois. and my tmblr journey began with you so you're like the OG for me lol.

also, the not-so-good-headspace was due to this huge huge life changing entrance exam I had and your fics provided comfort. but when the exam date was too near, I stopped using tmblr for like 3 months.

but before going, I read whatever little part of bewitched you had written and remember thinking that okay when I come back after all this time, it might be a completed series. also, the release date for the yj sugarpapi fic was 14 feb but you said you needed more time. and I thought yeah I'm gonna be gone a long long time. it'll be there when I come back.

if only I knew lol. when I came back you had a brand new blog, half of your fics were missing, sugarpapi never came out, and get this, bewitched had actually gone BACKWARDS because you decided to rewrite it! lmfao, I'm not tryna sound rude or pushy at all. please dont take it the wrong way. the situation was just sooo funny.

so yeah, that's my history with your blog lol.

anywhoo, love your works a whole lot and thank you for introducing me to this hellsite without even knowing it<3

much love<3

... wow 😭😭😭, i’m genuinely struggling to find words to type here. Goodness. This is making me feel so many emotions like kdghfghfgh HOLD AWN 😭

!!! Thank you so much for sending this in, first of all?? This is like a peak moment™ of my tumblr life i’m not even kidding 😭!!! Especially because I kinda ended up joining tumblr in a very similar way, except that my OG was far more consistent than me with their blog and works 😅! Take me back to 2017 pls—

I’m pretty sure a lot of us here actually started out with just searching up fanfics on google and then finding tumblr in the search results. Because same! I did not know something like tumblr existed and my experience with wattpad was equally traumatising 😵; thank god for the hellsite. It sure is very annoying at times but it’s also nice that we can have our own little bubble here!

Lsjskdjkfj “liberal use of the obscene words” IM DYING 😭! Thank you for still reading them though 😭! A part of me is very embarrassed because I’ve... well, grown to find my old stuff very poorly written (hence all the rewriting) but a part of me is? Super fucking flattered? And proud? THANK YOU 🙈🙈

The fact that whatever the fuck I wrote actually provided comfort to a human being is enough for me to just go on and quit everything and live a life of a saint. It’s crazy... I never dared to imagine that my writing could actually do that? Because I always think that whatever I write is pretty forgettable tbh. Like you read it and move on and never think back. Anyway, I hope you are feeling better now, lovely 🥺! I’ve been in similar places throughout my life and damn I know how badly education related pressure fucks you up :(

Ah yes... Bewitched. Sigh. I have a love-hate relationship with that kid. I think I have mentioned this before in some random rant post, but god, rewriting is so hard. Because I spend most of the time regretting how I wrote it instead of the actual fixing and editing and rewriting. I won’t abandon it, but at this rate I’m not sure when I’ll be able to invest myself completely in rewriting either. It’s only harder because my daydreams have no ends and the amount of newer wips that I want to finish and post keeps increasing. And to top it off, there’s ✨real life✨, being an absolute pain in the ass constantly.

Also Sugarpapi 😭! It’s honestly me vs. the unrealistic high standards I’ve set for myself at this point. But you know what? I’ll take my time with it. Because I think taking it slow is better in all aspects. Like yeah, I could just half-ass it and put all the pressure in the world on myself to finish it sometime soon, but we all know that’ll be a mess itself, and will make me one too. It’s coming. I promise. Maybe in another year 💀

“If only I knew” — me at least twice a day skshksjk 😭;; it be like that 🙁! Apologies for the unexpected jump-scares you got from my whole new blog and all :'))

I will eventually repost the works people wanted to be reposted — surprise, almost all of my cupidchois’ masterlist actually ended up there after I rounded everything up (and almost nothing from my bts blog minus the reactions), so there’s that. And, I can’t even explain how much this ask actually means to me. Crazy stuff. Life changing.

Thank you so much!!! I’m sending you a parcel full of positive energy and my love, which is not enough but it’s the best I can do atm </3