#I don't know I spent the whole night lowkey thinking about this shit for no reason

[skymagpie]

Ignore tag venting about 20 year old pirate films </3

[kookslastbutton]

in your arms ༓ jjk (m)

✑ Summary: You wake up next to your boyfriend for the first time since moving in with him.

Pairing: boyfriend!jungkook x girlfriend!reader

AU/Genres: pwp, smut, fluff, established relationship, one shot

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 1,680

Warnings: cussing, jk teasing oc, soft pouty jk, of is restless sleeper which makes jk lowkey sad, sexual content

sexual warnings: dom!jungkook, sub!reader, morning s*x, kind of rough s*x, unprotected s*x (Don't be like them!) , d*try talk, m*ssionary, b*gging, b**b kink?, sl*t calling once (tame)

Now Playing: A Thousand Years

A/N: needed dometic koo after listening to piano guys play thousand years. I have not seen Twilight but I like the sound track lol. Hope you enjoy! 💞

"You snore." Is the first thing he says to you, eyeing you from the other side of the bed. He's downright adorable with half his face tucked behind the fluffy comforter.

"I do?" You roll on your side. The soft linen brushing against your skin reminds you of your bare state. Last night was the first time you spent the night at Jungook's since moving in. He was a little eager to get you in his bed to say the least.

Jungkook nods in response, eyes still barely peaking out from the covers.

"But...I don't." You smile sheepishly. Many things you're known for doing in bed but snoring was not one of them. You're sure of it. "I definitely don't," you repeat in disbelief. "You're being a little shit again aren't you?"

A grin slowly spreads on your boyfriend's face—his eyes revealing all. What a menace as always. His playful spirit makes you giggle.

"Did you sleep okay?" You yawn and rub your tired eyes.

Jungkook shimmies himself closer to you. His nose is inches away from your the nape of your neck. "No," he says. "You were so far away from me the whole night."

The comforter he was tugging on earlier is now folded under his arm. From this angle, you can trace every muscle on his inked arm, so you do, with the tips of your fingers. "I'm sorry koo, I'm such a restless sleeper. I didn't kick you did I?"

Since a child you've never been able to sleep in one position. You were always starfishing, flopping from side to side, or genuinely just in the twistiest pretzel-like positions possible. Now and then you'd punch or knee at the bed too, depending how vivid the dream you were having was. That's why for the majority of your life you've slept alone.

Jungkook on the otherhand could sleep anywhere in the same position. All he needed was a good grip on his blankets or in this case, you, and he'd fall fast alseep until the morning. But you were not an easy one to snuggle with, causing him to pout until all hours of the night.

"I'm okay, but can we try cuddling or spooning again tonight? Wanna fall asleep with the girl of my dreams in my arms." Your heart does about ten somersaults. Ever since you hit 6 months, Jungkook's been begging you to move in with him and now that you've finally agreed, he's been coordinating your new living conditions down to the last detail.

He's also stopped refering to the apartment as his—it's now our apartment, our haven, our home.

You remove your hand from his arm to fluff through his messy hair. Something about the silky texture makes you unable to stop yourself. Jungkook likes it too. "Of course we can." Your face drops a few shades. "But I'm not sure if it'll be any different from last night. I might hurt you."

In that very moment your boyfriend props himself up on an elbow and leans himself over your body just enough for you to fall on your back. "No you won't," he insists. The same inked arm curls around your waist, pushing your chests together. "I'll hold ya down this time."

Your cheeks warm up from the gesture.

"What's got you blushing doll?"

"Just that you're everything I was hoping for and more." You wrap both arms around his neck, his lips ghosting over yours. "I love you so much." It's hardly a whisper but Jungkook has no trouble hearing.

"You know I was thinking similar," he says, placing a light kiss to the side of your neck. You hum. This will likely be a regular occurrence now that it's Jungkook you'll be waking up to every morning. His affection knows no bounds.

"You're all mine," he continues, tracing circles on your waist with his thumb. Even with the blankets shielding your naked body from his, you feel every imprint of his touch. "I'm all yours, too. And even if you do end up kicking me in your sleep, I'll alway be back for more because I'm in love with you....just try not to kick my dick though, that would kinda be a bummer for both of us." He shoots a quick wink and you snort.

"Sorry," you cover part of your face. "That was so ugly of me." Jungkook's heard you snort a thousand times but you've still a little self conscious about it.

"Its cute."

"Stop, you dont have to say that."

"It's cute because I like making you laugh and seeing you happy make—"

"Makes you horny." You finish the sentence, cackling at his suddenly doe-eyed expression. "I can feel your erection on my thigh Kook."

"Oh," he looks down at himself. Did he think he was being smooth and all trying to hide it and all? You're boyfriend's cute but a good liar he is not. "Well can I stick it in or not?" He looks at you again, expectanty.

"Kook!" You just had sex last night and to be honest you're a little sore from it as well as flopping around in your sleep all night.

Jungkook however is imposible to refuse with his pouty lips and big, ferocious eyes. He simultaneously wants to cuddle you to death and fuck you silly every second of the day. You ask him which he wants to do, he will always want both....at least twice in one go.

"I'll make it quick, promise. And it'll feel good too."

Once you give the okay Jungkook climbs on top of you from under the sheets. You spread your thighs, allowing him to slip in—which he easily does given the fact that he wasn't the only one all worked up.

"Fuck," he breaths above you, hands gripping the mattress on either side of your head. "Such a perfect pussy you know that? Always so wet for me."

"Yes Kook," you let out a small whine. Jungkook's dick always makes you so full so fast. "Fuck me."

"You want it huh?" He teases even though it's him who started this. "You want my big cock to stretch your tiny pussy? Make you scream? Say you want it baby. Need to hear it from you."

You concede to your boyfriend and tell him how much you want it. "Mhm please, need your cock Kook. Want it so bad, want it to make me come, please."

"Greedy little thing aren't you," he seethes, thrusting into you at a slow pace. "Just got fucked three times last night and still want more. What does that make you hm?"

"A slut." Jungkook growls when the words leave your lips. He ends up fucking into you faster, loving the sight of your breasts bounce up and down at the quickened pace. You move to grip onto both boobs but he growls again, letting you know his obvious disapproval.

"Wrap your legs around my waist," he grunts. "And don't you dare think about covering yourself up. Wanna see every bit of you."

You do as he says and he sinks further in you, cock finding that sweet spot at the same time. "Fuckfuckfuck," he chants. "So needy aren't you? Swallowing my cock like it's nothing for your pussy. Who taught you how to take cock this well huh?"

"Jungkook!" You scream when you feel the knot get stronger in the pit of your stomach. You boyfriend smirks and starts kissing up and down your neck.

"Say it again. Who taught you to take cock this well?"

"You—you Jungkook, you did. Please, gonna come soon." You claw his muscular back, knowing your high is about to come swift and fast. You hope to god he lets you come too. Last night he made you wait and wait. You had to keep begging him until he was fully satisfied. You squirted a lot and it was hot but you can't do that again so soon.

"Come for me baby," he coos. "Show me what I taught you back when all you knew how to do was give head. Gonna soak my cock now aren't you? I'm already so wet from your slick, fuck."

"Jungkook—oh god," you moan one last time before finally releasing. Your boyfriend let's out a deep, breathy groan and continues to thrust into for the sake of his own high. "Kook, please, please tell me you're close. It's almost too much."

"Shit just hold tight for me a little longer baby, I'm so close." He fucks into a few more times then spills himself into your warm cunt. You both bask in post-orgasmic blish until your boyfriend leans his head down to capture your lips. It's a bit of a sloppy kiss but still fiery and passionate.

He slips off you after a minute or two of making out, hair sticking to his forehead. "I'm so glad you said yes to moving in."

"What? You just want me here for the sex?" You pant, playful glimmer in your eye.

Jungkook shakes his head. "Of course not." You move to rest your head on his shoulder. "The sarcasm's nice too."

You roll your eyes. You'll be doing this all over again tonight. Maybe he'll be able to keep you in his arms tonight this time—you truly hope.

A/N: thanks for reading! Lmk your thoughts 💞

Masterlist

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[xxsugarbonesxx]

miguel tingz that wont leave my brain

a/n: I have a few thoughts on my wife Miguel that echo through the vast emptiness I call my noodle. Please be nice to me this is my first time :,(. Think of this as word vomit, enjoy. Or don't, I don't care, I'm not your mom. Slight NSFW at the end if you squint????

I think this is kinda like he retires as spidey and settles down. He marries (you in this senario) and has a couple kids, now that he doesn't have to save the universe constantly, he's much more relaxed, but his previous life does tend to slip out here or there.

Bro has a dad bod, his arms and legs are thick with muscle, he's still got those big ass hands and super strength. But now he was a chubby tummy, with lots and lots of hair. A thick happy trail that leads down to the base of his thick cock. Arm, leg and chest hair, maybe he's got a bit of a trimmed beard moment?? I feel like he has a short wolf cut now, something kinda shaggy but doesn't touch his neck just yet.

I feel like Miguel enjoys danishes. Stuff with light icing, flaky pastry insides and some sort of berry. I think he'd like cherry or black berry the most. Bear claws too, almond desserts 'n' such. But the danishes are the sweetest thing he can eat. His teeth are really sensitive to cold and sugar. But I like to think he get something sugar-y as a treat for himself very rarely and just powers through the discomfort.

He has a very thought out and meticulous hair routine. Maybe skin too, I dunno...but his bathroom sink is full of fancy product he uses, if you were to use some of it without his knowing, he'd know exactly how much was used by holding the container. He's very precise, mans has spent YEARS perfecting his routine to get everything just so. He likes feeling handsome and clean I feel.

He smells warm. Something cozy, like fresh citrus, firewood and dark chocolate. Paired with his natural musk, bro smells heavenly. He has a lot of colognes, fancy rich guy colognes to be more specific. The man is rolling in it. He keeps the lights on at the Spider Society, that power bill has to be atrocious by just looking at the architect of the building. And his universe is set in the future, so inflation has to make it even worse.

He dances like a dad. Specifically a dad who loves to embarrass his kid(s). Thought this was a normal get together and daddy dearest would finally behave? NOPE. I feel like he has that one song that just sets him off, that one song that makes him have his little 'dance like no body's watching moment'. So much so said kid(s) would shudder as the beginning would play. And he'd maintain eye contact through out it. He's dancing and he's staring his kid(s) down, the ultimate power move, reminding them there's nothing they can do and pops will always be there when they need him the least to embarrass them.

He'd be very warm and sweet and doting to his kid(s) and you, though he can kinda be sassy with them. But anyone outside of his circle, he'd be very cold like how we see him during the movie. He totally talks shit about people he doesn't like to you. "Can you believe Sonia's husband, he's such a tool. I really--I honestly just can't with him..." He'll say as he sighs, massaging his temple as he nurses a glass of red wine.

He's a wine mom, he'll end the week on the couch with a cheesy telenovela that he's lowkey obsessed with though plays it off like it's nothing. Sipping his glass curled up with you, going back and forth between watching the show and gossiping like a auntie. If you work, he needs to know the scoop. Tyler is married to Pamela but Pamela is swapping spit with that Melina? His undivided attention.

He cuddles. If you've every shared a bed with a bernese mountain dog, you know what I'm talking about. His whole body weight on you, his head on your shoulder and his legs tangled with yours. I feel like he sleeps naked, skin on skin, keeping you nice and warm all night long as he snores. He cock warms too, his fat cock pushed deep inside you, your velvet walls cradling his length as you two spoon. If he wakes up first, he'll slowly buck his hips into you with his nose buried into your hair. The sound of soft claps and sweaty grunts as your wake up call.

[ahiddenpath]

Spoons

One of my closest friends is far wiser than me, but I am wise enough to know when I should listen, even when what she tells me is difficult to hear. Especially when it's difficult to hear, maybe.

I'm going to share what she told me today with you, if you're interested.

I'm burnt out. Mega ultra super duper burnt out. I told my friend that I spent today, Saturday, one of my few and precious days off, in a haze of nothingness. I slept for 9.5 hr last night and somehow woke up, drank a coffee, and went back to sleep for another 1.5 hr?!?!?! I proceeded to do some light cleaning, followed by dicking around on the internet (aka nothing). At some point, realizing that this is depressive behavior, I contacted my friend for advice and explained what was going on.

We talked about burn out. I have diagnosed anxiety, and the same friend (who is autistic) has gently broached to me that I am also likely autistic. I have not been tested yet- there's part of me that is loathe to admit having another thing going on (I joked to my friend that I'm out of condition/status slots, but I don't think she was impressed, lmao!). So far, I'm trying not to worry about the possible autism, but instead put my energy towards managing my stimulation issues. My stimulation threshold is very low, and I especially struggle with audio stimulation, to the point where I can lose the ability to interpret sound under some conditions (I hear it just fine, but I can't process it). I've been carrying my loop earplugs everywhere.

(By the way, the earplugs are lowkey lifechanging and I'm highkey mad about it. The anxiety wasn't enough?!?!! I've got other shit going on?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I COULD HAVE BEEN MANAGING WHATEVER THE HELL AUDIO CONDITION I HAVE MY WHOLE LIFE WITH A PAIR OF EARPLUGS!?!?!?! God damn it! Etc, etc.)

So, I was talking about how stressful my biotech job is, but also pointing out that I do work a 40 hour week. Lots of people work a lot more than that. I should be managing. Right? My friend said, "Darling, everyone has a certain number of spoons. You have anxiety and possibly autism. That means you are minus spoons compared to someone without those, and there are people with fewer spoons than you, too. Now. Walk me through how you felt when your coworker assigned you work and asked for updates on that work before you even received the proteins to work on."

So, I told her how I felt. Panicked. How can I do the work without the proteins to work on? Angry! HOW CAN I DO THE WORK WITHOUT THE PROTEINS TO WORK ON! Stress, stress, stress. And you know what my friend said?

"I guarantee you that most of your colleagues would roll their eyes, give a cursory email response, and calmly go about their work day. You spent too many spoons on your panic, when you're already using a lot of spoons to do the work. And now, you're trying to spend MORE of your limited spoons fretting that you're less than for having fewer spoons than a neurotypical person/a person without mood disorders. The work itself only costs so many spoons. It's your reactions that cost more, and lead you to burnout."

Thanks, friend. Great talk. Love you, too.

Except that I actually do hear her and love her, and appreciate the hell out of her for telling me this. She moved the conversation along after this, probably because she hates doing therapy for people, and I know I got this much because she loves me so much. And also, she probably needs her spoons for other shit. She's got autism, man. It's not easy.

So anyway, I'm going to try to accept that I only have so many spoons, and also that I can't afford to waste them on feeling less than, and on my coworker's shenanigans. I'll try my best, but. It sure isn't easy, is it?

I would like to purchase some spoons, please, lmao!!!

[marshmallowprotection]

hey kait do you mind if just. go insane over here.

like, you see, i hate getting into arguments/drama/conflict. i hate it so much it causes me physical discomfort. it's horrible, really, like my heart clenches and breathing gets ejsjsksm (idk how to explain) and i start crying and i feel so terribly upset and icky for the rest of the day. its insane. and yet i still somehow manage to always, ALWAYS, get into it (more like i start it tbh but hcndbd) and it's always SO BAD. and the worst part is that right now, it's shipping discourse. SHIPPING DISCOURSE. can you believe this? this is like, the low of the low. jesus christ. i am actually feeling like shit over shipping discourse oh my god. and it's on TWO (2) social media platforms, as if it couldn't get any worse. now obviously i can't retreat, i have entirely too much pride for that, like that would be super embarrassing. i would rather get death threats, on god. so instead i settle for feeling like shit and also getting called crazy by other ppl. but anyways the whole thing is theres this ship in a fandom i rlly like and it's a pretty popular ship, every time those characters get any kind of content together everyone agrees that they're gay, you know? but i hate that ship and it feels creepy as hell to me. bc the characters met when one of them was 14 and the other 17 and they're currently 19 and 22. and i think that shipping them is weird bc one of them has been an adult for a while now and the other is just now becoming one, and like, the idea of the an adult catching feelings for a teenager they've known for a while right after they become legal has very groomy creepy vibes to it. i thought that this was something everyone agreed with. so i said it. but it turns out im wrong. and now ppl are telling me that "ppl can fall in love at any age" "they're both adults so it doesn't matter" and "they're almost canon anyways" like i dont care! i dont care. i dont give a single fuck your ship still sucks ass. and like clearly you can tell im not planning to change my mind anytime soon (bc i dont have to! im right!! jesus could come from heaven to tell me its okay and i would still say it isn't!!!!! bc it isn't!!!!!!!) but im also lowkey beginning to feel like im crazy? idk bro im exhausted

sorry for the huge rant i've been frustrated the whole day 😭 honestly even sending this is making me cry again bc im now paranoid that everyone is gonna disagree lol 😂

GE Saeran is always your rock. When you start to even show a hint of being distressed, he springs into action. He asks you if you want to be held and if you confirm that that is what you want, he's happy to put his arms around you with a sigh. You can have faith in him if you have nothing else.

He'll press lips against your forehead and murmur sweet nothings until you know, without a doubt, that you're going to be okay by the morning. "That's right, my love. Slow down, take a big breath, and remember that you're safe with me. If you need to cry, I will hold you until your tears stop."

Jaehee can be anxious when it comes to knowing what she can do for the people she cares about. She knows the natural do-good and can make sure that you've got water, blankets, and a cozy place to sit in the dark. She may not know what to say but she knows what will help physically.

Her ideal way of comforting you comes down to sitting side by side in the living room, curtains drawn back, sharing drinks, watching your favorite movie, and just talking about whatever feels right at that very moment. "I know it's not the best feeling in the world, but I'm here to listen if you want to talk. I don't have anywhere to be and I'd love to have my night spent making you feel safe."

[luvalymin]

𝟙. these men are still wild after turning 30, can you imagine how they were back then? louie remembers it painfully vivid.

𝟚. after a looong time he finally opened up about his sexuality.

𝟛. he's the most serious and introverted member but the most expressive singing, according to everyone.

𝟜. lowkey highkey scares them.

𝟝. had to always tell them to shut up when they lived together (living alone is like heaven).

𝟞. even though there's no official leader position after jay park left the group, the members think louie act as a leader the most.

𝟟. but still, you do need crackhead energy to be on 2pm so let's say he adapted himself to live on chaos lol

𝟠. japanese fans gave him the nickname "neko" for having the personality of a cat, soon koreans and 2pm started calling him that.

𝟡. they often go to his opera concerts to show support.

𝟙𝟘. the members' daily goal is making him laugh til he tears up, which did happen a few times.

𝟙. tired granpa and tired cat, a perfect duo.

𝟚. "yah, stop bothering louie. he'll get angry."

𝟛. predebut jun.k and louie did not get along as jun.k often broke jyp's rules and louie didn't want to get involved on his mess.

𝟜. louie visited him lots of times during his enlistment, he also goes to all of his solo concerts.

𝟝. the day louie asked him to help producing his first pop solo album, jun almost died of happiness.

𝟙. mom and dad, aka the mature ones.

𝟚. nichkhun is really supportive about his career as a contertenour singer and travelled to new york to watch his performances when louie was studying in juilliard.

𝟛. the only member who reacted with "i know, it's alright" when he told about being gay.

𝟜. "you never talked about women in 10 years, also you were so uncomfortable during our a.d.t.o.y promotions. it was obvious, louie."

𝟝. the calm and quiet duo.

𝟙. the most introverted and the most extroverted, i think y'all know where this is going.

𝟚. it's awkward to talk in korean when they're alone, also taec thinks louie is much funnier in english as he's more sassy and sarcastic.

𝟛. taec discovered that intuitive conversations about not-so-superficial topics tend to last longer than small talk. for outsiders it may seem they have nothing in common, but taecyeon thinks louie is the perfect person to talk about serious matters. i just love their friendship.

𝟜. one time they spent the whole night talking about their careers, family, future and dreams and it's something taecyeon never forgot.

𝟝. not taec laughing like a hyena when louie dissed song joong-ki's italian pronunciation watching vincenzo.

𝟙. prolly the only member who is able to make him laugh without any effort.

𝟚. "i just laughed because i felt bad for you."

𝟛. wooyoung being the bravest member to roast louie for the sake of entertainment (and regretting it 5 seconds later).

𝟜. "guys, hyung is scary :( he just said he's going to throw me out the window if I don't keep quiet."

𝟝. jokes aside, wooyoung is such a precious man and he's in touch with his feelings despite being a clown. he thinks wooyoung is adorable so he just let him go.

𝟙. his least favourite little shit lol

𝟚. well he's a brat towards the hyung line, louie is no exception.

𝟛. junho say he thinks opera is boring, but he actually listen all of louie's albums and will fight whoever says he is not talented.

𝟜. guess who did watch all of junho's dramas and said he prefers the characters over the actor? lol

𝟝. "even seo yul (character he acted) is less annoying than junho."

𝟙. "i raised you well, do not disappoint me."

𝟚. louie really raised chansung. paying his meals, taking care of him, visiting him during his enlistment, bringing food and sending food trucks as a gift when he finishes solo projects.

𝟛. he watches his dramas and is more supportive of him than he is to junho lol

𝟜. "people misunderstand louie hyung as cold but he's actually a good person and look after me a lot, just like a real brother."

𝟝. the hyung who bullies him the least out of the members.

[mrs-dynamight]

Be Nice To Me 3

Part 2.

*************************************************

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!Reader, Denki Kaminari x fem!Reader

Warnings: Eventual mature content, angst, hurt/comfort, love triangle, the reader is lowkey toxic, everything will be adressed in every episode (:

Chapter warning: Swearing but just a little bit of it. Kissing because this is still on fluff mode

Chapter: 3/? Yup still don't know

Synopsis: You're in love with your best friend Bakugou, and you're cofessing to him but things get a lot more complicated when Denki starts to treat you different *wink wink*

Word count: 2.2k

Author's note: Okay friends, this is a little longer but it's cute, and it has some interesting things that will be relevant to the story, so read carefully, aaaand I must warn this is a slowburn. Hope you like it

Chapter 3 My Oh My - Aqua

We both left the empty classroom and went directly to class 3A. Tenya saw us coming late and started rambling about how punctuality is key for heroes and how we as seniors should give example and just Tenya stuff.

The rest of the class went pretty fast, I was thinking about what Denki said, he sounded so serious when he said the gig stuff, maybe I was overthinking, he has always been nice with me, just nice, we are friends right?

All those years getting to know each other, being partners in crime, spending too many nights wide awake talking about our future, the amount of pressure being a “hero” meant, how at the end of the day we were still children risking our lives, he understood that better than most of our friends; some of his words were burned in my mind forever: “I love helping people, but sometimes I wonder who’s helping us?” “I’m afraid I’ll turn into a puppet of the hero commission, like Hawks did” “I’m afraid of losing myself in the process”; as far as I know I was the only one that knew this side of Kaminari, everyone else always thought of him as the dyslexic class clown, but there were so much more of him that only jokes and a funny face after using his quirk, such a complex mind, sometimes I wonder if he plays dumb on propose…

Thinking about Denki almost made me forgot how nervous I was for my date with Katsuki, but the ring of the bell that indicates the end of the class made me jump from my desk in excitement.

-Oi dumbass, see you in a while, be punctual- Bakugo said picking up his stuff and heading to the door without looking back at me.

------------

We talked about nothing in the way to the ramen restaurant, I wasn’t as nervous as I were on Monday and everything seemed to be going so smoothly, just as I thought, this was Bakugo Katsuki my best friend, the guy I was in love with, he had seen me covered in sweat and bruises from the hero training, had seen me cry over my failed math tests, he knew me, if he didn’t like me back I could deal with it, but this date definitely won’t ruin our friendship.

---------------------

-Don’t make me laugh when I’m eating, you idiot- Bakugo said between coughs from almost choking with his noodles

-I didn’t mean it, but it’s true my greatest fear are those wacky waving inflatable things they put in the cars sales, they scare the shit out of me- I said laughing and with a bit of embarrassment for telling this stupid thing to my crush, but he found it hilarious

-I’ve seen you take down villains with a single hand and without sweating a single drop, but your greatest fear is ridiculous Y/N-

That kinda sounded like a compliment, and knowing Katsuki it probably was, I couldn’t help but blush but if someone asked me it was the spiciness of the ramen.

-I’m also a little bit afraid of heights, not as I used to, but it makes me a little bit nervous thinking about falling to my inevitable death- I said slurping the last of the broth in my plate

-Heights? No way, that means we can’t go rock climbing because of a certain pussy- Said the ash blonde, finishing his ramen as well

-Why? Is Bakugo Katsuki planning on taking me on a road trip anytime soon? – Oh shit that sounded way more flirty than I had planned.

I turned bright red right after I said that and to my surprise the boy in front of me was just as red as I was, that’s it I just made Katsuki Bakugo blush, I can die a hero now. We were not looking at each other, not saying a single word, just awkwardly sitting in front of each other.

-I… I was joking ´Tsuki- I began but he interrupted me with

-Maybe I want to take you to a stupid road trip, what you’re going to do about it? You can chicken now and saving me seeing you cry in front of a rock, but that wouldn’t be very Y/N of you- Aaaaand just like that Bakugo’s back

-Let’s go, Draw, I still wanna kick your ass in Mario Kart before curfew and knowing you, you will want to play those claw things and get some weird weeb thing, like a figure of that loud anime guy you like, the one who plays Volleyball; and of course you will be wasting all your money in the process- This man knows me damn too well

I was about getting my money to pay but he stopped me

-I got this-

-But ‘Tsuki I invited you, I have to pay for it- I said but the waitress had already taken Katsukis money

-If you beat me at Mario Kart, I’ll let you pay me back, but if I win… Well we will see about that later- Bakugo said without looking at me

Was that flirting? Is Katsuki Bakugo flirting with me? Did he noticed this was a date and that’s why he wanted to pay? Nah, he’s probably doing it to bother me, but if anything made me bush a little.

-Oi, you coming or what? – I was so caught up in the emotion that I didn’t noticed he was already heading to the front door

We walked a couple of blocks to the arcade, it was still early in the afternoon, we had a couple of hours before our curfew and I was going to make the best of them.

--------

After the tenth time losing against him, I gave up.

-This is bullshit, I don’t know how but you’re cheating, there is no way I actually hit all those frigging banana peels, this game sucks, you suck- I said making an overdramatic mouth pout and crossing my arms on my chest.

I could hear Bakugos laughing on my side and when I turned to look at him, he had the most gorgeous look on his eyes, but when he noticed that I was looking at him he changed his expression.

-I told you so, you can’t beat me, but I’m a compassionate God, so I’ll let you choose the next game for you to lose in- His big smile was equally irritating as it was beautiful

Three games in and Bakugo was about to blow the whole arcade up, apparently, he can’t dance to save his life, so Dance Dance Revolution was the perfect game for me to choose. I was literally tearing up from laughter, he was so angry and upset.

-If you had spending more time with Mina and me you could have learned a couple of steps, but you had to go sleeping at eight like an old man-

-Have you seen this face? This is what a good sleep schedule does to your skin, but I guess you’ll never know about that-

-Oh god, is that a pimple? – I joked to make him even angrier, I leaned towards his face to mock him more -Oh he has a brother, and a whole family of angry little buds, this even looks like you-

He turned his head and his nose was almost an inch away from mine, his eyes locked with mines, we were so close that I could feel his breath, a little bit more and our lips would be touching, my mind was going blank, I suddenly forgot how to breathe, I thought that it was actually happening, I should close my eyes and go for it, I leant a bit closer, we were almost there…

-Y/N, we both know there is not a single pimple in this face- Said Bakugo moving his head back and creating some distance between us.

I felt my heart drop to the ground. He didn’t wanna kiss me, I probably made him uncomfortable being that close, I’m so stupid, I fucked up.

-There is the claw machine of the Volleyball dudes, and there is the owl one you like- Bakugo was trying to be a good friend to me, and as much as I appreciated it I was way too sad to even think about volleyball

After more than a half of my money spent, I was walking to the UA dorms with my Bokuto plushie and an ache in my heart. I couldn’t stop thinking about that moment, was I imagining everything? Was he not flirting with me? It felt so real, I wanted to cry, but that would only make things worse, I wasn’t looking at Bakugo for the first time since we’ve met. I couldn’t hold a conversation after that, I used the excuse of being too concentrated in winning the plushie, but now that we are walking side by side it feels weird not saying anything. Bakugo doesn’t seem to care, or even notice, he’s also very quiet, this feels way too awkward, I just want this night to be over and cry my heart out in my room. There is only a couple more blocks and this nightmare will end.

-Hey Y/N, wait- This is the first time I hear Bakugos voice since we started heading the dorms

I try to put my best “Everything is okay” face but I fail miserably when I see his face. I started to tear up and just hugged my plushie with my eyes fixed in the ground, I can’t see him in the face

-I’m sorry Katsuki, I wasn’t mean to put you in an uncomfortable situation, I wasn’t thinking and…-

I was grabbed so suddenly I dropped Bokuto

Before I realized his lips were pressed against my own. I was way too shocked to respond to his kiss, to my very first kiss. He pulled back, and a sigh left his lips.

-‘Tch, don’t apologise, I didn’t wanna kiss you in front of a bunch of losers- He said looking to his side, clearly avoiding my confused gaze

I didn’t hesitate, I grabbed his face and kissed him, trying to let him know how much I waited for that kiss. He quickly responded to it, for someone as strong and tough as him he was being gentle and caring, if this ain’t heaven, I dare God to come down and tell me this isn’t what glory feels like.

We kept the kiss, it became more and more passionate, he got closer to deepen the kiss, I could feel his arms around my waist, and I could taste the melon soda he had at the arcade in his lips. I opened my mouth just a little and I felt his tongue slowly brushing against mine. This was the pinnacle of happiness.

We broke the kiss with blushed cheeks and racing heartbeats. This was too much; my head was spinning and I almost cried tears of joy.

-I thought you didn’t wanna kiss me- I said with a broke voice

-I didn’t- His reply felt like a bucket of cold water

-What? You’re kidding, you kissed me- Knowing Bakugo he just said that to mess with me

-Y/N I didn’t want to kiss you, but not because of whatever stupid thing your mind its thinking right now-

-Then why? You can’t just kiss me and then tell me you didn’t mean it, you don’t like me? –

-I like you, a lot, and that is why this is getting way harder that it’s supposed to be, I’ve been dying to kiss you for a long long time Y/N, you had no idea how much I have fantasized with having you between my arms and telling you just how much I like your dumb pretty face, I like you, and don’t you ever doubt it-

-Then, why? –

-I’m going to become the no. 1 hero, and that means I have to try even harder than the rest of the losers in this and the other hero curses, that’s why I will be having internships abroad this semester, with the bests heroes not only in Japan but in the world. I have to be the best in everything, having a girlfriend will only be distracting and possibly a complete disaster because I will be a terrible boyfriend being that busy with hero training, and asking you to wait for me is selfish, even for me. I didn’t wanna kiss you and then leave for half a year, maybe even more, but then you looked at me with those stupid kitty eyes and I just…-

-You’re going away? And you didn’t told me? – Now I definitely started to cry

-Oi! You’re the first one to know I haven’t even told my mom yet –

-I’ll wait –

-What? No I.. –

-I said I’ll wait for you, Bakugo Katsuki I’ve been in love with you since we first meet, I’ve been waiting two years for this, this is just half a year, then we will have all the time in the world-

Now it was Bakugos time to shed a tear

-You don’t have to; I don’t want you to be waiting for me while I…-

My kiss didn’t let him finish what he was about to say, he was tearing, I was tearing, but it was beautiful.

-Six months and then you’ll be mine Katsuki, get it? –

-I don’t think this is a good idea, you dumbass-

-Maybe it isn’t, but what are you going to do? Stop me? - I replied and then we kissed one last time

************************************************

Part 4.

I really liked how this turned out, I'm going to the the masterlist post soon so you can find all the chapters together. As always I'm starting to write and in my second language (just give me my certificate already) so any error let me know, and if you want to be tagged message me. LY

[topsytervy]

Kooky Pogues

Blurb: Your two friend groups don't really get along...until they do

*I'm literally only tagging this as Rafe since it mostly focuses on Rafe but it does involve a good chunk of the others so yeah*

Word Count: 5,414

Warnings: semi-canon Rafe, mentions of cocaine, mentions of drinking, mentions of abuse if I remember correctly, swearing, grammar/spelling mistakes, I think that's it

Little notes real quick:

-we're pretending gold is not a thing here, Peterkin is still alive and has not been murdered, and Sarah didn't cheat on Topper.

-I'm from Wisconsin so I chose Wisconsin cause I know Wisconsin and I don't have to really do research on it so I'm sorry if you hate Wisconsin. Believe me, I do too sometimes.

-And last is this came about cause I feel like if the kooks and pogues didn't hate each other, they would be like that one group of friends in high school that everyone just knows. They would be THAT group.

I was originally going to do something like this as a Christmas blurb where everyone was friends and they and the reader all go get a tree and decorate and shit but that obviously never got posted.

Lowkey kind of want to write more things about them as an entire group of friends though.

Anyway, enjoy :)

~~~~~

You moved to Outer Banks from Wisconsin your freshman year of high school and it was...different to say the least.

The weather was the main thing.

In all your entire sixteen years on earth, you had never experienced a hurricane. Snowstorms were common in Wisconsin so those you didn’t mind, minus the shoveling that your parents had you doing afterward, and you were still a little iffy on tornadoes considering you experienced maybe three in your whole life, only one hitting the town you grew up in and the other two just being warnings.

Hurricanes though were an entirely different category and it was safe to say that you were freaking out because you had never personally experienced one yourself.

And here was the entire town of Kildare knowing what to do and being pretty calm about it.

So, naturally, you stuck out like a sore thumb when you were in the store and trying to figure out what you would need.

It just so happened that three boys would be in the same aisle as you and one of them would be way too observant for their own good.

“She looks confused,” Kelce said from his place next to Rafe who was currently figuring out what soup he wanted.

Rafe and Topper glanced over to see who he was referring to and saw you, scanning shelves as you fiddled with a hair tie on your wrist.

Rafe shrugged, turning back to look at the soups. “Or she’s just a little nervous about Agatha. Believe it or not Kelce, I’m pretty sure some people still get nervous when it comes to storms.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I recognize her.” Kelce squinted, trying to get a good look at your face which caused Topper to sigh.

“Maybe she’s a touron and now she’s stuck here because of the storm.”

Kelce looked at his two best friends. “Well, the least we can do is help her.” And then he began walking towards you.

Rafe and Topper looked at each other before making their way after their friend.

“Need some help?”

You jumped slightly at the voice and whipped your head to see three boys standing beside you. You placed a hand over your heart and closed your eyes. “Sorry. You startled me.”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have crept up on you like that.” He apologized before repeating his question. “Do you need some help?”

You hesitated before nodding. “Yeah. I’m not exactly from around here. I’ve never really dealt with a storm like this before.”

“Where are you from?” Topper asked.

“Wisconsin.”

It’d be a lie if they said they weren’t a little taken aback by your answer, expecting it to be a state at least somewhat nearby. Not necessarily in hurricane territory but certainly somewhere closer to Outer Banks. Not a state from up north.

“Wow, okay. So this must be different for you.”

You nodded in response and Kelce smiled. “No worries. You’ve got three of the best people here to help you out.”

You chuckled before introducing yourself. “I’m Y/N.”

“I’m Kelce, that’s Topper and that one’s Rafe.” He pointed to each one who did a little wave.

Your smile didn't falter as the names of the three boys rang a bell in your brain.

You were warned about those three when you met the pogues a couple of weeks ago.

“Trust us, Y/N. They look nice but that’s just cause of their nice ass clothes. They’re the spawns of Satan.” John B had told you at The Wreck after school that day.

He, JJ, and Pope met you at school earlier that day and had told you that you needed to meet the other member of the group, Kie, and that you would love her.

Kie came around with some food and she rolled her eyes at the boys before turning to look at you. “They’re not the spawns of Satan per se. They just act like spoiled brats and like they’re God’s gift to everyone.”

“No. They’re spawns of Satan.” JJ sided with his best friend, grabbing a couple of french fries and shoving them into his mouth.

“No, JJ, you’re the spawn of Satan.”

“The point is,” Pope interrupted before an argument could break out, “not exactly the best people. Specifically Rafe.”

But now, there you were, standing with the three boys you were warned about as they helped you grab things that would prove useful in the storm. They even helped you load everything into your car.

“Thank you, guys. I probably would’ve been stuck in there for way longer than necessary if you three didn’t help me.” You smiled as Topper closed the trunk to your car.

Rafe shrugged. “No problem. You better hurry back home though. Don’t want you getting caught in Agatha.”

You looked towards the sky and grimaced at the darkness before saying thanks once more as Kelce opened your door and you climbed in, waving goodbye to the boys as they waved back.

Before you could pull out of your parking spot, Topper was holding his phone screen up, his Snapchat on display. You quickly grabbed your phone and typed in his snap username before adding him and he added you back. “Let me know when you get home or I’ll be watching the news like an old man for the next week.”

You shot him a thumbs up before reversing out of the parking space and driving away.

“She’s sweet,” Rafe commented as they watched your drive out of the parking lot.

The other two nodded in agreement before heading to Kelce’s car, Rafe and Kelce both telling Top to send them your username.

You thought the same thing about the three kook boys because, in your mind, if they thought they were so high and mighty of themselves, they wouldn’t have helped you out the way they did.

Now here you were, two and a half years later and still friends with two groups that hated each other. Both groups were incredibly confused at the fact that you were friends with the other and neither group liked the idea of sharing you with the other but you told them that they wouldn’t have to mingle with each other.

As much as you wanted to be able to hang out with all your friends at once, you knew that wouldn’t happen without a fight breaking out and you didn’t want to deal with that.

The only issue you had with your friends was Rafe and his relationship with coke, knowing damn well that him being high didn’t help anything in the least when it came to the pogues, especially JJ.

You had learned that at a party when Sarah had found you and informed you that JJ seemed off and he wasn’t talking to anyone. You decided that you would try to talk to the blonde and excused yourself from the kook boys, telling them you wouldn’t be long, before following Sarah to where the pogues were.

Sure enough, there was a lively conversation going around but JJ wasn’t really participating, just nursing a beer as he stared at the sand underneath his boots.

You sat down next to him and bumped your shoulder against his, causing him to glance at you and send him a small smile. “What’s up, J?”

“Nothing.” He shrugged and you nodded.

“You sure?”

JJ looked at you and noticed the concern in your eyes, sighing as he turned to face you. “It’s nothing I can’t handle, Y/N/N.”

You frowned at his answer, not liking what that could mean. “JJ, are you in trouble?”

“See this is where the line gets blurry for us cause you and I have different definitions of trouble.” JJ took a sip of his beer as you stared at him. It didn’t take long for him to break underneath your gaze. “It’s just my dad. Like I said, nothing I can’t handle.” He mumbled, finishing off his drink.

You immediately placed your cup on the ground and wrapped your arms around the blonde in front of you. He placed his head on your shoulder and you heard him sniffle. “Wanna go somewhere away from here and talk, bud?” You felt him nod and you whispered an ‘okay’ before unwrapping your arms from around him and leading him away from the party and farther down the boneyard.

You spent the next hour listening to JJ before wiping his tears and pulling him in for another hug, rubbing his back as you did.

And that was when Kelce, Topper, and Rafe had decided to go look for you. Rafe had had a line or two during the time you were with JJ and was already slightly on edge, thinking that maybe you got swept up with some touron on your way back and they were getting a little too handsy without your consent, when he spotted you holding JJ.

Before anyone could stop the oldest Cameron, he was storming over to you two, not amused with the fact that he, Kelce, and Topper were getting gypped out of their Y/N time. After all, it was their turn to have you for most of the night since the pogues had you the entire day yesterday.

“Alright, Maybank, you’ve taken up enough of her time!” He hollered, Kelce and Topper behind him just in case they needed to be there to drag their friend off of the younger boy.

JJ, however, misread this action as a threat when he turned to look at Rafe and he immediately went into defense mood, standing up as he let go of you and put on his tough-guy act.

You stood up and stepped between Rafe and JJ to serve as a barrier of some sort to make sure no fists would fly.

“Rafe, I promise that I’ll be back soon but I gotta help JJ with something first.” You told him gently, suddenly aware of how quickly this situation could escalate considering this was a party and there was definitely some alcohol consumed by both boys.

“What? Do I gotta get hit by my dad too so I can have some time with you?” Rafe spat.

Your hand came to your mouth as your eyes widened. You couldn’t believe Rafe would say that.

JJ stared at Rafe as he kissed his teeth before turning to look at you. “I don’t think you should be hanging out with Rafe for the rest of the night, Y/N. He’s high and he’s enough of an asshat when he’s sober so god only knows what the hell is going to go down when he’s higher than a damn kite. I don’t want to risk you being around that.”

Your gaze shifted to Rafe and saw his expression flicker from anger to hurt for a second before shifting back to anger. “Maybe she shouldn’t hang out with you ever again JJ considering all the trouble you get into. I don’t want to turn on my tv one day to find out one of my best friends is dead in a ditch because you decided to do something stupid and drag her along.”

JJ laughed. “Says the guy who is friends with Barry, the most dangerous drug dealer in town. You put her life at risk every time you screw him over.”

You sighed and rubbed your temples. “Please stop.” The two arguing boys looked over at you as Topper and Kelce kept observing the situation. “JJ, We’ll talk more tomorrow. I’m going to take Rafe home.”

JJ looked between you and Rafe before sighing, running one of his hands through his hair before nodding. “Yeah. Alright. Be safe and text me when you get home so I know you made it back safely.”

“Yeah. Of course.” You wrapped your arms around his neck and his went around your waist for your goodbye hug. “Everything's going to work out in the end, mkay?” You whispered. He nodded, squeezing you a little before letting go. You turned towards Rafe and let out a breath.”Let's get you home, Cameron.”

You held out your hand for the keys to his truck as you, Rafe, Kelce, and Topper all made your way back to where the cars had been parked. “Do you two need a lift back as well?” You asked Kelce and Topper, trying to tell them that you and Rafe needed to have a one on one conversation.

And by some miracle, Kelce seemed to pick up on that because he immediately turned Topper into the direction of the beer pong table and went “Hey, isn’t that Chrissy. I still owe her a beer pong match.” And ushered the slightly confused blonde towards the direction of this person named Chrissy.

You walked to Rafe’s truck and climbed into the driver’s seat as he climbed into the passenger, both of you feeling strange sitting in the seats the other would usually sit in.

You weren’t going to lie, you were a little scared to drive Rafe’s truck considering your car was a 2002 Chevrolet Prizm and, let’s be real, there is quite the size difference between a truck and a little old car like that, but you would rather drive a vehicle you weren’t exactly used to than let Rafe drive while under the influence.

You started the car and carefully pulled onto the street, making your way towards your house since your family was on a weekend trip on the mainland, one that you politely declined because you did not want to share a hotel room with your two younger siblings and your parents, and you especially did not want to either share a bed with your siblings or sleep on one of the chairs like you had done countless times before.

About ten minutes into the twenty-minute drive, you heard Rafe mumble something.

“I’m sorry?” You asked, glancing over at him.

“I said you missed the turn.” He repeated, slightly louder this time and referring to the road you needed to get to Tanneyhill.

“I was thinking we could stay at mine tonight, bud.”

Rafe tapped his finger against his thigh as he nodded, becoming nervous at how quiet the ride had been thus far and how you hadn’t even yelled at him on his behavior towards JJ. At how he completely ruined your night just because you were checking up on one of your friends like you always did.

You were there for Topper and Sarah both when they broke up, JJ when things got bad with his dad, Kie when she felt so overwhelmed with the kook life and the expectations, John B with DCS, Pope while he was stressing about his scholarship, Kelce when he felt like he wasn’t good enough and, of course, Rafe with his drug habit.

You should be pissed at him right now for getting mad at you helping out a friend.

You were five minutes away from your house that sat on the edge of the Cut when the silence became too much for Rafe and he snapped. “Can you just fucking yell at me already and get it over with!”

You jumped slightly at the sudden outburst before glancing over at him. “Why would I yell at you?”

You had yet to yell at any of your friends, even when they were being childish and very anti-pogue or anti-kook.

“Because we should still be at the boneyard, dancing, getting drunk and whatnot but instead you’re here, driving me back to your house because JJ and I had a spat.”

You shrugged. “Am I upset that you dragged me away from a serious conversation with J? Of course. But if you think I’m going to yell at you for it, then you really must be high.”

“I’m not that high. JJ was being dramatic back there. I had two lines, that’s it. Two lines barely does anything for me anymore.” He muttered.

You pulled into your driveway and parked his truck next to your car before turning off the engine, turning to face Rafe. “Why did you say that, Rafe?”

A confused look crossed his face. “Cause it doesn’t…” He replied slowly, thinking you were talking about his comment about the lines.

“No. Why did you say, in front of JJ, that thing about having to have your dad hit you too in order to get some time with me?” Rafe’s gaze dropped to the floor and he fiddled with his fingers, shrugging in response. “You do know, Rafe. It wasn’t just to get under his skin this time.” Your voice was soft as you spoke, scared that anything louder would spook him and put him on defense. “What’s wrong, bud?”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing if it’s bothering you.” You unbuckled your seatbelt and turned your entire body to face him.

He sighed. “I just feel like every time I need to talk to you about something that happened with my dad, something else always comes up with JJ and his dad that involves you having to go patch him up or something. I’ve maybe talked to you twice about something that went down with dad.” He whispered.

“Rafe, just because I go to help JJ, doesn’t mean you can’t text me to come over after and talk to me about your problems.” You explained.

“I just don’t want you to get overwhelmed with everything. I feel like everyone goes to you for their issues and I don't want to add on to whatever stress you're already dealing with."

You sat there in silence for a few seconds.

"Is that why you turn to coke? You feel like you can't talk about your problems to anyone or you feel like a burden if you try to?"

Rafe shrugged. "I don't really know. It's an escape from everything, I guess."

“Oh, Rafe,” You leaned over his center console and wrapped your arms around him.

That’s all it took for Rafe to lose any composure he had, breaking down and letting out everything he had bottled up right there in your driveway.

You sat there in his truck, stretched over his center console as you hugged him, listening to him as he spoke through his sobs, your hand rubbing his back in soothing circles.

"I wish I wasn't such a fuck-up." He sniffed when he had finished.

"You're not a fuck-up, Rafe."

"Yes, I am."

"Stop talking about yourself like that, Rafe. I hate it when you put yourself down.”

“Sorry,” He mumbled, “I just wish I was better. Is that better? I wish I was more like Sarah. I wish I was the son dad wanted."

You pulled away from him. "Everyone has their flaws, bud. You can always get help and I'll always be here for you through the ups and the downs. You know that right?" Rafe nodded. “Feel a little better?”

“Yeah.”

You smiled at him before opening your door and hopping out. “Let’s get you to bed then.”

Rafe followed your actions and as he stood behind you, waiting for you to unlock the front door, he spoke so quietly you almost didn’t hear him.

“Can you come with me tomorrow? To get help?” He was staring at the ground, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

You looked back at him as you opened the door. “Absolutely.”

****

You stood outside with Topper and Kelce, nervously fiddling with the ring you had with your finger as you waited for Rafe.

Three months had passed since he entered rehab and you had visited him a couple of times during his stay but not as often as you had liked considering you still had school and work.

Your head whipped up when you heard footsteps approaching your small group and you grinned when you saw Rafe

You let Topper and Kelce greet him first as you took in the small amount of stubble on his face and his slightly longer hair. Rafe pulled away from the two boys before walking over to you and engulfing you in a hug. You immediately reciprocated the action, smiling as you did. “You look pretty damn good, bud.” You told him. “I feel pretty damn good.” He answered back, pulling away as he held you an arm’s length away. “Any girls or guys I should know about that have magically appeared in these past three months?” You laughed as you shook your head. “No. No girls or guys you need to worry about.”

Rafe made a noise of approval before turning to face the entire group. “Just so we're clear… I call shotgun.”

You and Kelce both groaned as you all walked to Topper's car, Rafe grinning as he yanked open the passenger door. As you buckled in, Topper started the car. “Alright. What are we doing so I know where I'm going?” “As much as I would love to join you, I promised my parents I would watch the twins while they went out shopping for my birthday present.” You stated. Kelce made a face. “Shouldn't they go with your parents to get you a gift?” “Here's the thing about my brother and sister, they get distracted easily and have to constantly be reminded by my parents that they are not here for them, so mom and dad have found it easier to leave them at home with me and just find a gift that they can just say is from everyone.” You explained as Topper headed towards your house. Rafe shrugged. “Fine by us. That leaves us alone to discuss your gift.” He smirked as he looked back at you. You rolled your eyes. “You don't have to get me anything.”

“We know but we want to.” Topper’s eyes met yours through the rearview mirror. “Fine but if I end up spending my birthday in the hospital, you three are paying the bill.”

Kelce, Rafe, and Topper all saluted you, causing you to roll your eyes once more before the conversation turned to catching Rafe up on everything that had happened while he was gone.

The three boys all waved goodbye to you before waving to the twins who were looking out the window.

“So where are we going? The mall? That little boutique she likes?” Topper reversed out of the driveway before glancing at his two friends. “TanneyhillWheezie. I need to grab my wallet and I'm hoping Sarah's there.”

Kelce and Topper stared at the older boy in shock, never having heard those words come out of Rafe's mouth before. Kelce leaned forward and placed the back of his hand on Rates forehead. “You feeling okay, man?”

Rafe swatted his hand away. “Just drive to Tanneyhill.”

Topper did as he was told, driving the route he knew all too well. Rafe was out of the car before Topper had fully stopped, heading straight into the extravagant house and up the stairs. He stopped in front of Wheezie's door and knocked on it, only for it to open seconds later. “Hey,” He greeted. Wheezie's face lit up at the sight of her brother and she tackled him in a hug, causing him to stumble a little. “Damn, Wheezie. Did you join the football team while I was gone?” he laughed, wrapping his arms around her. “Did you get my letters?” She queried, looking up at him. He nodded. “All thirty-six and a half of them.”

“I sent you thirty-seven.”

“Didn't anybody tell you that if you send someone a letter and it only fills half the page, it only counts as half?” Wheezie rolled her eyes. “Whatever. The main thing is your back and now I don't have to write letters anymore. I can just text you.”

Rafe laughed as he let go of her. “Fair enough. how are you? Has dad been giving you a hard time?” he dropped his voice down, not knowing where his dad was. “Not really. He didn't like it when I asked about you though. I once asked if we could visit you and you would've thought I told him I was pregnant and dropping out of school.” Wheezie casted her gaze down to the floor. “I had to have Topper or Kelce send out the letters for me because dad ripped up the first one I wrote you. It was like he wanted to wash you from everyone's memory. He even yelled at Sarah when she told him that it was pretty fucked up to rip up the letter when I was just trying to stay in touch with you through a hard time.”

“I'm sorry, Wheeze.”

She shrugged. “It’s fine. At least you’re back.”

Rafe gave her a small smile. “Is Sarah home or out?”

“Her room. Kie’s over though.”

“Thanks. I’ll catch up with you later. We’ll watch a movie or play a game or something.”

His half-sister nodded before heading back into her room, closing the door behind her.

“That was the cutest thing ever. She almost makes me wish I had a little sister. Almost.” Topper said from behind Rafe, causing him to jump a little.

He pushed past his two friends to head towards his sister’s room, knocking on the doorframe as he peeked in.

Sarah and Kie both looked towards the door from whatever show they were watching and Sarah gave him a smile. “Howdy, howdy. You’re back.”

“Yeah and we all need to talk. That means your boyfriend and his friends too.”

“Cutting straight to the point, I see. Why do we all need to talk?” Sarah questioned.

“Because it involves Y/N and her birthday.”

“We already got her a gift,” Kie stated, turning her attention back to the tv.

“That’s great and all but I think she’d like to have all her friends together on her actual birthday than have to spend it splitting the time between her friends cause she’s scared they’re going to turn it into a battle of who’s the better friend group.” Rafe looked between the two girls.

“Rafe, buddy, I love you and all but what the hell is bringing JJ, John B, and Pope over going to do? It’s going to end horribly.” Kelce spoke up.

“We’re all going to have a nice little chat and sort out our differences even if it takes all night and watching a movie with Wheezie.”

Kie sighed. “She did once tell me it’d be nice if she could hang out with everyone at once, she just doesn’t want to make things worse between the two groups.”

Sarah picked up her phone. “I’ll call John B and tell him I need help moving something and that he should bring Pope and JJ to help."

Within twenty minutes, three sets of footsteps were sounding throughout the house as the three boys thundered up the stairs.

"Alright, we better be getting lunch for doing this." JJ stopped in his tracks when he saw the three kook boys. "And I'll be leaving now. I'll just have a peanut butter sandwich for lunch instead." He said, turning around to leave.

"Oh no, you're not. You three are going to join this therapy session whether you guys like it or not." Sarah stared at them as she stood up, beckoning them inside.

"I would just like to point out that any 'therapy session' with him, usually ends with fists." John B pointed towards Rafe.

"Believe it or not, Rafe suggested this," Sarah informed her boyfriend.

"And that's not the least bit suspicious to you."

"If you three want to do something nice for Y/N/N this year for her birthday, you'll sit your asses down and participate." Kie glared at her three friends. The pogues exchanged looks and Kie snapped. "Sit!"

"Sitting." JJ flopped onto the desk chair as Pope and John B filed in, Sarah closing the door behind them.

***

A week later, you waited for your parents by the door, your younger siblings next to you as you three slowly grew hungrier waiting for your parents to make sure they had everything they needed.

"By the time you two are done, the day's going to end and we'll have to wait until next year to celebrate Y/N's birthday," Sammy called out.

"Yeah. And then you'll need to have two cakes. One for her seventeenth birthday and one for her eighteenth." Alex added.

You rolled your eyes but couldn't help complaining yourself. "Seriously. Can we go? You said that if we didn't leave now then everything would go to shit and that was ten minutes ago!"

"Okay, okay!" Your dad and mom came rushing out and you all exited the house. "I thought I raised you three to have some patience."

"Well, when you say 'don't have any snacks between now and dinner' and your kids listen for once, your children aren't going to have a lot of patience." You patted his back before taking your spot in between the twins in the backseat.

As you drove to The Wreck, you continued asking what the surprise was.

"Is the family visiting from Wisconsin?"

Your mom shook her head. "Just wait and see."

Alex leaned over. "Trust me when I say that you wouldn't guess it in a million years." Your brother grinned.

"Welp, here's high hopes but something I wouldn't guess in a million years, did you get me a Ferrari?"

"Hell no. I'll get a Ferrari before you do." Your dad shot at you as your family pulled into the parking lot of The Wreck.

You followed your family inside, Mr.Carrera wishing you a happy birthday as you passed him, and just about passed out from what you saw.

Gathered around the table, laughing and chatting as if they were all old friends, were your two friend groups.

"Oh my God. I think I'm hallucinating. Dad, you might have to take me to the hospital."

"There she is! The birthday girl. Welcome to the seventeen club!" JJ hollered.

You rolled your eyes as you walked over, your family following as you went around and hugged everyone. "What the hell got all of you to hold hands and have a civil conversation?"

"You'd be surprised how therapeutic hitting someone with a pillow can be," Pope commented.

"You will also be surprised at how quickly a bunch of teenagers will bond together to make sure a thirteen-year-old doesn't win monopoly," Kelce added.

Your brows furrowed in confusion and Topper smiled. "The point is, we all have reconciled and you do not have to worry about someone bouncing someone's head off a wall on purpose."

You nodded slowly before taking a seat in between Pope and Sarah. "I think I've entered an alternate universe."

"Trust me, you haven't." Mr.Carrera reassured you as he brought over the cake.

The group sang happy birthday and you smiled before blowing out the candles, your dad and Mr.Carrera beginning to slice the cake after the candles were removed.

"Alright, so who was the mastermind? It has to be one of the reasonable ones." You took your plate from your dad as you looked around the group, grabbing a fork. "Unless it was one of these two which I wouldn't doubt if they managed to lock you all in a pantry or something one day." You motioned to your brother and sister with your fork.

"Actually, it was Rafe."

You looked at Kie before turning your attention to the guy across from you who shrugged. "It was nothing."

You shook your head. "Well, I'm just going to say it right now, don’t be offended if I don't love your gifts cause all of you together takes the cake for the best gift."

"Wow. Cheesy much." John B teased.

You went to respond but heard a whistle cause the whole group to turn towards the noise. Your mom stood with a camera in her hands, a smile plastered on her face.

"Alright. All of you together for a picture now because two groups have become one and this must be documented or no one will believe it."

You all moved around slightly so everyone could be seen and smiled, listening to the click of the camera that told you the photo was taken.

You leaned across the table towards Rafe. "Thank you."

"No. Thank you."

~~~~~

[creambunnie]

First Love

ONEWE - Jin Yonghoon // angst , fluff

a/n : this fic was inspired by ONEWE's song IF. you can listen to it while you read this long imagine! enjoy~

.

you were swinging your keys with your finger as you stepped out of a bookstore. your clumsy self accidentally dropped the keys which slid and hit a lady's feet.

your eyes widened as you quickly jogged to the lady to collect your keys and also apologise.

the lady bent down to pick them up and quickly stood back up before scanning the area for the owner.

you waved slightly at her and bowed a little.

"ah sorry, that's mine.". you told shyly.

the lady smiled and passed them back to you.

"be careful~" she chirped as she walked away from you.

you gave an embarrassed smile and watched her back moving further away from you. she was a beautiful lady...

you were about to go back to your spot earlier when you saw a familiar figure. a face too familiar to ignore.

the lady gave the guy a peck on his cheek before wrapping her arm around his.

the guy almost turned around to look at you but you quickly pulled up your hood and backfaced the couple.

.

.

Jin Yonghoon. your first love .

you tried taking calm breaths. you turned back around only to see the empty streets. you chuckled at yourself .

no matter how much you've moved on. your first love will always have a special place in your heart.

~

you wiped the last set of windows before quickly sitting at the counter.

you were a florist at a small shop owned by your mother. she trusted you to operate it on your own. she would come down sometimes too. your mother mostly did her admin works at home, while you monitor the shop.

you checked the clock on the wall.

2 minutes before he passes by your flower shop .

yeah, you had a crush on this guy, he would pass by your shop every morning at exactly 10am to go to the music academy he worked at.

1 minute.

.

you took a deep breath when you saw his handsome face.

how can someone be so ethereal ? he's not human. he's an angel.

your silent admiration was interrupted as you panicked .

he suddenly turned to walk towards your shop. yes , YOUR SMALL FLOWER SHOP.

*wait wait wait what is happeninggggg* you screamed in your mind as your crush entered your shop.

"we--welcome~ how may I help you?". you stuttered.

your crush flashed an attractive smile and scanned the shop.

"i'm looking for flowers that are suitable for a birthday gift!". he explained.

you quickly thought of some flowers combination and suggested them to him.

"ah this is beautiful! i hope she likes it!". your crush exclaimed as he agreed with your suggestion right away.

you felt your heart tugged. ahh he has someone already. of course. he is this attractive, wouldn't make sense if he wasn't dating anyone.

you cleared your throat and straightened up .

"would you like to write a card for your girlfriend?". you asked as you prepared some cards choices.

you looked up quickly when you heard him laugh.

shit. even his laugh is beautiful.

but why was he laughing ?

he calmed down after a few seconds and shook his head.

"this is not for my girlfriend. uhm i don't have one ? this is actually for my teacher. she used to teach me at the academy when i was still a student there.". he explained.

you felt your face warmed up from embarrassment. you slowly nodded and slid some cards to him.

"ahh, sorry. you can choose any cards . they're all the same price. ".

your crush smirked before picking out a card .

.

"i'm Yonghoon by the way. Jin Yonghoon.". your crush introduced himself as he paid for the flowers.

your eyes widened at his bold move and cleared your throat for the nth time.

"uhm i--i'm y/n . y/s/n y/n. thank you for buying flowers from here.". you awkwardly stammered.

Yonghoon gave a cute smile and nodded.

"no problem! i've always been curious about this shop. this shop is as beautiful as its owner.". Yonghoon teased with a wink.

you bit your lips, refraining yourself from smiling too widely.

Yonghoon chuckled at your reaction.

"i hope we get to see each other more in the future, y/n . thank you!". Yonghoon said one last time before exiting the shop.

you stood there for a few moments, trying to process what just happened.

.

of course you knew his name. in this small neighbourhood, Yonghoon was like a celebrity.

he was not only good-looking. he was also talented. Yonghoon's voice is so beautiful, you would feel all sorts of emotions listening to him sing.

Yonghoon was also kind-hearted. he would help the neighbourhood kids when they need any . he was just the guy in the neighbourhood.

Yonghoon was famous among the aunties. they would always try to matchmake Yonghoon with their daughters. but Yonghoon would always turn them down politely.

and that was your wonderful first ever face to face encounter with Jin Yonghoon.

~

a year later , after getting to know more about each other , Yonghoon confessed his feelings for you.

you too told him about your feelings and the two of you started being a couple.

your routine after being a couple wasn't that different than when you became close friends.

you would still visit him from time to time at the academy to have lunch together.

Yonghoon would also drop by the flower shop every morning to greet you .

the only difference was , you would hang out at Yonghoon's place more and even sleep over at his house.

your houses were only about 20 minutes away from each other but Yonghoon said his house was always open for you.

Yonghoon was that clingy boyfriend, and truthfully, he wanted you to just move in with him. he loved it when he has someone to accompany him at home because he lived alone.

but you didn't want to move out of your parents' house just like that. besides, you still had to help your mother with the flower shop stuffs.

although lowkey the amount of time you stayed at Yonghoon's house was way more than you staying at your own. 😆

.

you enjoyed every single time you've spent with Yonghoon.

he was just the sweetest boyfriend ever.

everytime you had free time together, Yonghoon would always suggest for you two to cuddle .

he just loved admiring you silently as he held you close to him.

Yonghoon would always whisper sweet words to you when you two hang out together .

.

it was a weekend, as usual, you were at Yonghoon's house.

an activity the both of you would sometimes do together was watching a movie .

you were sat in between Yonghoon's legs, back against his chest. Yonghoon had his arms around your waist .

something you loved about your movie sessions was Yonghoon's cute habits.

he would play with your hair and massage your head gently. or he would leave soft pecks on your clothed shoulders.

Yonghoon just won't waste any time to show his love to you.

you would giggle when it tickled and Yonghoon would leave double pecks to tease you.

"hmmm babe ? i'm kind of hungry... i feel like eating some jjapaghetti...". you pouted as you turned to your boyfriend.

Yonghoon chuckled at your cuteness and booped your nose with his.

"shall we go to the convenience store together then?". Yonghoon suggested cutely.

you immediately nodded your head. Yonghoon ruffled your hair lovingly before the two of you went out for food.

convenience store dates was also a common thing in your relationship.

the two of you didn't really care about where you eat, as long as the two of you could eat together.

you loved experimenting new food combinations with Yonghoon.

if it was good, the both of you would get super excited and continue eating the same combination of food again and again until you're sick of it.

if it was bad , the two of you would play rock paper scissors where the loser had to finish up the gross combination.

but Yonghoon was a softie. he would either let you win easily or eat some for you when you really lost after a few rounds.

"cheese , ramyeon , egg , collaboration!". Yonghoon exclaimed as he mixed all those ingredients together.

he saw a video of this combination and he thought it looked good so he wanted to try it.

you settled with your favourite jjapaghetti and some spicy sausages.

.

aside from your cuddle and convenience store dates , you also spend time together at the music academy which Yonghoon worked at.

Yonghoon was specifically a vocal teacher but he could also play some instruments including the piano and guitar.

you two would hang out at his studio when he had no classes.

during this dates , Yonghoon would either show you some works that he was working on as a producer or sing you songs.

sometimes it would be cute spontaneous songs. sometimes it would be your favourite songs.

either way, you loved it when Yonghoon sings. his voice was just out of this world . he was your favourite singer.

.

all those good times confused you when one day Yonghoon suddenly came back home and acted differently .

his usual warm greetings were short and cold.

it had been about 2 months since the both of you had spent time together like usual.

you had been a bit busy with the flower shop. your mother finally had the opportunity to extend her brand and open up another branch for her flower shop at another neighbourhood.

of course you had to help her with lots of things. but those were settled and you finally had the time to visit Yonghoon again.

Yonghoon knew about this achievement and even bought a gift for your mother to congratulate her.

maybe the 2 months of not seeing each other properly made you both a bit distant. but your feelings for Yonghoon was still as strong as ever.

you thought maybe he was just tired from work and wanted to rest.

but your usual fun dinner was dull. Yonghoon ate quickly before staying in his room for the whole night.

you wanted to ask him about his day. you were worried. you were scared at his sudden change in behaviour.

but you thought to yourself to only think of good things and act normal.

you cleaned up the living room before joining Yonghoon on his bed.

you gently slid onto your side of the bed . Yonghoon's back was facing you. you pouted before scooting closer to your boyfriend and backhugging him.

Yonghoon stayed still and let you hold him.

"i missed you....". you gently whispered as you buried your face against his warm back.

Yonghoon didn't respond . you supposed he was already asleep.

~

the next few days, Yonghoon was a bit better . maybe he was just tired with work the other day.

"babe,, do you want to go to the convenienve store together ?". you asked softly.

Yonghoon sighed before nodding.

you interwined your fingers together like usual on your way to the store.

you didn't know if it was just you but his hand felt ....cold.

his entire presence felt cold.

you shook your head and tried your best to act normally.

your usual chaotic store date was silent. you tried swallowing your food down together with the tears that were threatening to fall.

why ? why was Yonghoon suddenly acting like this ?

you felt like he was forcing himself to spend time with you. you felt like he didn't feel the special spark between the both of you anymore.

you felt like... he didn't love you anymore. no maybe that was too far..

you didn't know. you wanted to know. but you're sure if you were to ask him about it now, you couldn't handle it. your emotions were too unstable.

you cleared your throat and reached out for his cold hand gently..

"babe, i don't think i'm sleeping over at your house tonight. and don't worry you don't need to walk me home... i know you're tired.". you said carefully.

Yonghoon only looked at you with a raised eyebrow. "really ? ahh we should get going then before it gets darker.". he replied.

you thought your normal stubborn clingy boyfriend would still insist on walking you home.

but at the junction where you usually separate, he really bid you goodbye and walked away quickly before you could hug or greet him back properly.

you blinked in confusion at his actions. Yonghoon didn't even turn back to look at you.

you were frozen on your spot. was this really happening to you ?

unnoticingly, tears flowed down your cheeks. soon, you started sobbing in the middle of the empty streets.

you covered your face with your palms as your cries got louder.

the usual Yonghoon would whine when you say you weren't staying over. the usual Yonghoon would still walk you home no matter how hard you try to convince him that it was okay.

maybe the usual Yonghoon wasn't feeling the same as before. maybe the usual Yonghoon was tired of loving you.

maybe the usual Yonghoon was gone. you didn't even know who he was anymore.

~

Yonghoon noticed how in the span of only 3 days, your part of the wardrobe was becoming emptier.

he thought you were just reorganising things, but soon even your toiletries and other little things usually in his house was nowhere to be seen.

Yonghoon felt that his house was a bit emptier with most of your things gone.

he was confused. he wanted to ask you. why ?

but he was confused with himself too...

.

Yonghoon was in the shower while you were preparing some breakfast. just for him .

you scanned the house again. absorbing all the memories that you've spent together with Yonghoon.

you walked towards the coffee table and reached for his phone.

you scrolled through his contacts and stopped when you reached yours .

♡ My Love 🌸 ♡

you bit your lips and sighed before pressing the delete button.

you placed Yonghoon's phone back carefully before carrying all your remaining things.

*i guess this will be the last* you thought as you walked slowly to the entrance.

you were about to unlock the front door when you heard his cold voice calling out your name.

"y/n ...".

you mustered all your courage before turning around to look at Yonghoon.

there he was, standing at his spacious living room. looking as handsome as ever. looking as soft as ever. but he looked cold , like never.

"why are you doing all of this ? ". Yonghoon asked with a slight frown.

you looked at Yonghoon in disbelief before approaching him slowly.

you tried your best to hold in your tears.

"are you, seriously asking that Jin Yonghoon?". you asked in a hushed tone.

Yonghoon's frown dipped deeper. he still didn't understand what was wrong.

"why are you doing this ? why are you cleaning up your stuffs ? why did you ,, why did you delete your number from my phone ? what's happening ?".

Yonghoon bombarded you with questions, in a tone as if he was the victim now. as if he was the one who was being hurt.

your palms curled into fists as you neared him . your tears were now trickling down your cheeks freely.

"you really have the heart to ask those questions ? why am i doing this ? i am doing this because i feel like i don't know you anymore. i feel like you're forced to spend time with me. you started acting cold towards me since those 2 months.". you sniffed and wiped your face harshly with your sleeve.

"i tried thinking of only good things, i thought you just needed some rest. but it lasted for a month. a month Yonghoon ! i'm hurt. it feels like you don't love me anymore....". you continued before pausing for a while as your cries echoed in the living room.

Yonghoon only stood there, his face a bit shocked. but even after a few moments, he didn't reply nor deny your words.

you looked at him with a sad smile and chuckled before shaking your head.

" i cleared my stuffs bit by bit , to help you forget about me slowly. so you won't get hurt. so you don't have to go through what i had to... i deleted my contact, so that you won't be hurt if you accidentally see my name. im just , trying to delete my life out of yours, so that you won't be in pain.". .

you swallowed your saliva forcefully as you reached your hands out to hold his cold ones for the last time.

"thank you for loving me these past 3 years , Yonghoon. thank you for all the great memories. thank you for everything. but i think it is finally time for us to separate. goodbye love. goodbye my first love..".

you squeezed his hands before leaving him alone as you walked out of his house. not once turning back.

Yonghoon stared at your back walking away. his voice stuck in his throat. he wanted to call your name out again, but instead , he only managed a sad sob.

Yonghoon slowly sat down and pulled his knees to his chest as loud sobs started filling his now empty house.

it hurt him.

in those 2 months of not seeing each other as much, Yonghoon suddenly started doubting his feelings for you .

he didn't know how it started. Yonghoon just started feeling empty everytime you texted. everytime you called.

Yonghoon thought loving you for these 3 years will lead him to love you forever... but his heart just didn't beat as fast as the first time he talked to you.

he thought it was just his mind playing tricks on him.

Yonghoon tried figuring out himself this past month. he tried to treat you as usual, but he felt fake.

Yonghoon didn't want to lie to himself. he didn't want to give you high hopes .

the day he thought he finally understood himself , you decided to leave him for good.

it hurt him that he hurt you.

Yonghoon didn't realise how selfish he was . he wanted to figure himself out but he was hurting you.

all these while, he thought you were just going to think of the good memories. but he didn't realise , he was actually giving you painful memories too.

it was scary. love .

just when you think you'll love someone forever , just when you think someone will love you forever,

the love fades.

after leaving him , you didn't even try to get updates about Yonghoon or his life.

your parents knew about what happened and respected your decision to move away from that small yet precious neighbourhood.

you ultimately decided that it was best for you to leave that place to clear your mind.

you planned to take care of the new branch of your mother's flower shop at the other neighbourhood.

you asked your parents to never tell Yonghoon about your whereabouts if he ever asks. you doubt it though. he didn't care about you anymore, right ?

~

your long train of thoughts was interrupted with a gentle pat on your head.

"hey babe, i'm done buying my books! oh--- why are you crying ?". your fiance, Jongin, cut his own sentence when he saw your face covered with tears.

you jumped in surprise and quickly wiped your face with the sleeves of your hoodie.

"ahh i just thought of some things... don't worry...". you replied softly.

Jongin gave a cute smile and ruffled your hair.

"you know you can always tell me your troubles. hmm what do you want to eat for dinner?".

you grinned at Jongin's words and hummed before answering, " i feel like eating jjapaghetti and spicy sausages tonight.".

Jongin raised eyebrow and chuckled before wrapping an arm around your shoulder as the two of you walked to the nearest convenience store.

"i thought you didn't like jjapaghetti?". Jongin asked in a confused tone.

you scrunched up your nose at his cuteness.

"it's not that i don't like it... i just don't feel like eating it most of time. but this time i really crave for some good jjapaghetti!". you replied cutely.

Jongin giggled at your response and pinched your cheeks . "alright,, we'll eat some jjapaghetti then!".

~

you were glad Yonghoon was living his life happily with his new love.

you didn't want to be selfish , but you hoped he still remembered your happy memories together after all these while.

.

indeed , no matter how much you've moved on, despite the fact that you're already in love with someone else ,

your first love will always have a special place in your heart.

.

.

a/n : hope you guys liked this fic for our angel Yonghoon💕 ngl , i cried ¾ of the time while writing this 🤡

[carmenlire]

When did you come to the realisation that you were bi? I know you aren't a lgbt kind of account but I think I am a lot like you and I don't really follow any other bi tumblr people (that I know of)

Hello dear!! First of all, I am always here to talk about gay shit! I might not be an explicitly lgbt account but I have to admit that I yell about being gay on here with probably annoying frequency lol.

Secondly, I am actually a lesbian! And just to throw it out there, I’m ace too:)

(If any bi people who are willing to talk about this kind of stuff like this?? that could be nice so that anon has others for reference, too?)

Okay, so. I’m going to explain my own journey a bit– so sorry if this gets a little rambling or long– but I am lowkey a master of denial so it stretches back a few years lol.

I had a lot of gay friends in high school and felt more comfortable with them than my straight friends sometimes. Which looking back was weird as hell, since I was straight lol. They would talk about their partners and I would just be “ugh. i wish i could have that.” I thought I was talking about a relationship in general but years later I think I wanted what they had in particular. There’s other stuff with high school that is pretty obvious looking back on it but that I just attributed to other things/denied at the time. I can always expand on that if you want me to lmao.

The first real instance I have of being slapped in the face with being not straight was halloween 2015. I went out with friends to the bars and got blackout drunk. I was generally a mess that night but towards the end of things when the bar was about to close, I had the crystal clear thought, “oh my fuck, I wanna kiss a girl so bad.” like that’s all I wanted. I woke up the next morning and made myself forget it– even if I sent a message to my gc at the time (all tumblr people) like “omg??? what does this mean???”

bitch what do you think it means dkjfghlsdjfglf. But, I was drunk and just blamed it on that. I didn’t really think about it much. I was still straight and couldn’t even imagine kissing a girl, let alone doing anything else or having any sort of romantic feelings for one. That went on for over a year. 

In february 2017, I watched– yeah I know how cliche it is– the music video for Sleepover by Hayley Kiyoko when it dropped. It was all over my dash and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I. Loved. It. I think my mouth was lowkey open the entire time lol. I fell in love with the song and really appreciated the aesthetic of the video. Deadass, that was my thought. I just thought it was really well done lol. From there, I sort of fell in love with her music. I listened to her on repeat last spring and when I hear one of her pre-expectations songs, I am still transported to that time in my life. I prided myself on being a good ally– look at me, I am So Straight but I can appreciate a lesbian/gay artist singing about her own experiences. Ah, brianna, you dumb fuck.

Then, in May I went to Pittsburgh with some friends to celebrate one of their bdays. We got trashed (I got absolutely fucked up lol– absinthe goes hard af lmao) and as we were heading back to the car at the end of the night, I was talking with a friend and point blank said, “yeah, when I’m drinking I’m probably 60% straight.” Even drunk, I lowballed how gay I was. In the back of my mind, I had the niggling thought that I was bi but I wouldn’t let myself slow down enough to think about it.

Soon enough, it was lowkey all I could think about. As you can probably see, I established a pattern of being straight when sober but when I was drunk, I was pervaded by nonstraight thoughts lol. By December, I was drinking more than I ever had before. Part of it was to stop thinking about it– because I really am not joking when I say it was all I could think about. I made lists at work for reasons I was bi/straight– because there was no way i could by anything more than bi. I had to like guys. I looked up those fucking “am i gay” quizzes. I was searching through my past looking for hints– and lowkey changing things or ignoring things that didn’t fit the straight outcome I wanted.

I went to the UK last fall when I was in a tizzy about my sexuality and was highkey obsessed with finding out what the hell I was and denying it at the same time and I spent a few days in manchester with a friend I met on here, actually. We shared a bed for a few nights and while I was insisting to myself that I was straight, that there was no possible way I wasn’t 100% into guys, I felt literally breathless sleeping next to her. Like, I felt more alive when she threw an arm over me in her sleep than I had whenever a guy had, like, asked me out or talked to me lol. It was something that I obvi still remember and I remember thinking that there was no straight explanation for my really unexpected, intense reaction– just being close to a girl made my heart flutter. I lowkey wanted/wished something to happen even if at the same time my mind was repelling the very idea.

I ended up going out in december with my cousins who are just as small minded as the rest of my family and I got blackout drunk (lmao a theme). They were making fun of the waitress because she was super attentive to me and kinda ignored them, saying stuff like “omg she’s totally into you bri” well joke was on them because by the end of the night I was very drunk and very gay and ended up highkey flirting with her and then I kissed two waitresses (after talking to them and getting consent lmao) and I woke up the next morning and literally hated myself– I hated that my cousins had seen, I hated that I had acted like that in general. I spent the whole day sick. And then for new years my cousins told another cousin and my goddamn sister about it “haha we thought the waitress was after bri but after how things ended we said maybe bri wanted the waitress” and steph (my sister) whipped her head to me with a disgusted and disbelieving expression and I just said “haha I wanted to make a friend” and I just wanted to die in that moment. And I could see the other cousin looking at me, like, questioningly.

So that started the new year and I just had these swirling doubts and I kid you not– like it was all I could think about. I said I was bi first because at least then I could still end up with a guy?? like there was still a chance I could be “normal” and came out to my best friend on the weekend of valentine’s day and got drunk and cried about girls and I woke up the morning after and just felt so peaceful. Like it was the first time I didn’t hate myself after a night out in like two years lmao. A lot of what pushed me to finally acknowledging it was that I was so tired– if I had to fight that hard to tell myself I was straight then maybe,,, I wasn’t. That, and I found a list on here about compt het/internalized homophobia which really opened my eyes. I can tick off a lot of things on that list. 

and then I started thinking about it again this summer and came to the conclusion that I am a lesbian. It was difficult– because that would mean I was necessarily giving up “ending up normal.” There is no way I can hide that side of me if I fall in love, you know? But that’s the truth for me, for now at least lol. I really like women and I just don’t see the personal appeal of men. I can certainly appreciate them, but I don’t want anything to do with them lol.

So, I know I wrote a lot but me realizing that I wasn’t straight was Quite A Process lol. There was no real single thing/time that made my realize I was gay-- it was a lot of little things that added up. 

There are dozens of other examples/things that I can point to now looking back that point to me being gay– I changed my tinder preferences “to make friends”; it’s just a universal truth that women are more attractive than men– but that I didn’t see/ignored at the time. I hope that something I said can help you figure things out for yourself. Everyone’s journey is their own, of course, but hopefully you see something in my rambling that helps. Thanks so much for sending this ask!! I really appreciate you coming to me– and to anyone, because that is a huge first step and I’m proud of you for that! 

I have a tag on here, #interesting, that all of my gay shit is under. Under that tag are two posts that really helped me at the time: compulsive heterosexuality and internalized homophobia.

Feel free to ask me anything else or someone else if anyone likes this post lol! Tumblr, for all its faults lmao, actually has some really good posts about this kind of stuff if you’re looking for more signs/information

[unextordinary-blog]

My year in one post: 2017

okay so its starting to get closer to the end of the year lets have a recap of 2017.

january: I don't have a job anymore, I am not going to school at the moment, I am moving for the hundredth time, and I have to give up my dog and cat, then someone loses my cat. ( so its safe to say january was definitely not my month) but bright side this is the month where i start to talk to my "future" husband. well sort of (this will be explained in a later month).

february: so it's a new month. I am jobless with no prospect of going back to school until the next semester. on top of that our landlords are total pieces of literal dog shit (like im not kidding they have about 5000 dogs in their house and it smells like dog shit) anyways life is starting to look up JUST THE TINIEST BIT because ya girl got a date. i am dating. newly dating. and on top of that i still don't know that my future husband is single yet. (he doesn't like the idea of me dating)

march: we have officially moved into my moms boyfriends house and i already hate it. Its awful i have no closet, no space, no job, no pets, and no will to live (except for my future husband). Its safe to say my life lowkey sucks because not only do i have a curfew now? I have to pretend to not hate my life and i actually have to get out of the bedroom im staying in (yea thats right im not allowed to call his guest bedroom "my room") my moms boyfriend is a total dickwad. he gets what he deserves in later months tho. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ( WAIT A MINUTE I just got some info that karma was doing her job all along and i completely forgot part of living with my momster and her dickwad was that I had to do all the chores around the house and dickwad left $200 in his pocket when i was doing laundry and i found it. in my defense i tried to tell them about the money but then they got on my ass for talking to them while they were talking or something so i shut up and spent some of the money on a tattoo. it was the best revenge ever. I had been planning on getting one for months and dickwad and momster HATE tattoos and he technically paid for mine and it was great)

April: HOMAGAWD my life is looking up. I got a job, my "future" husband is visiting and the guy I'm kinda sorta "dating" is a good kisser but i swear to y'all if i hadn't already been on like 4 dates with this guy i would have thought he was catfishing me (he ends up ghosting me anyways so whatevesss). My momster and her dickwad of a boyfriend don't like my new job because it doesn't pay a whole lot? ( oh i forgot to mention they want me to pay rent for the "bedrooom" I'm sleeping in; y'all this room is literally a bed, a dresser drawer, and MY TV) ALSO did i mention this guy is total pack rat (THE BEDROOM IM IN HAS ALLLL OF HIS JUNK IN IT) and there's no central heating and I'm sick. I have bronchitis and we barely found out. meanwhile my supposed "mother" thought I was just being annoying with my coughing and her stupid boyfriend literally had the AUDACITY to tell me if I don't get rid of my cough by the end of the week then he was going to "do something about it". (LIKE IM SORRY I HAVE BRONCHITIS IF I COULD WAVE MY MAGIC WAND THAT I JUST RANDOMLY PULLED OUT OF MY ARSE AND MAKE MYSELF BETTER I WOULD SORRY MY ILLNESS IS INCONVENIENCING YOU). this man is weird he has like every book written by trump and is a civil war reenactor and has can goods from before I was even born because he doesn't believe in expiration dates. so I didn't want to find out what he meant by that so I booked the quickest doctors appointment I could get. I had been sick for 3 months by this point. also I paid over half the rent at my old place but I was always making like $1000 a month sooooo I could afford it. anyways my "future" husband and I have an amazing 3 days when he visits it was like no time had passed and it wasn't until he was gone that I realized that I couldn't live without him anymore.

May: ITS OFFICIAL BITCHES my "future" husband is now my boyfriend, it literally took him an hour for me to say he was my boyfriend. twas a struggle. but pretty much since the day he left we hadn't gone a single day without talking via text or calling each other. we thought about waiting until he came back to texas to date, but that would be two years and we weren't having that because we would have ended up waiting for each other instead of dating long distance which is kinda a waste of time. anyways I am no longer sick. at least I don't think and karma is just DOING ITS WORK on my mom and her dickwad boyfriend. My mom was being treated like she deserved by her new job and dickwad had lost his chief position because hes an alcoholic asshole with little man syndrome now he is paying over $10,000 for a DWI lawyer. meanwhile i was thriving I was getting more work I was looking into ways to pay off my school my life still sucked and the only reason im alive is because of my "future" husband.

June: did i ever mention that june is my favorite month of this year. love is in the air bitches. june is the month for marriages and engagements. SPEAKING OF ENGAGEMENTS yea that's right he proposed AND ON TOP OF THAT he surprised me with a visit and i nearly had a heart attack and it was a great few days. then my momster ruined it by being her and by hating me as per usual we weren't asking for permission at this point to get married we were just going to get married whether she agreed or not. and i was moving out and my "future" husband and i had a 101 plans (also i dont like the word fiance its dirty and gross) our 101 plans obviously fell through you can plan all day long and life is just like "LOL gurl you thought" but it all turned out fine in and in our favor in the end. we are very thankful for the people who stuck by our side when things were getting tough and sooo grateful for all their help we wouldn't have been able to do it without them.

JULY: ITS OUR WEDDDDINNNGGG MONNNTTTTHHHHHHH!!!!!! I had never thought "hey you're going to be my husband one day" when I saw my husband for the first time in the 2nd grade. he apparently did, he thought i was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and was happy i had moved to his town. that innocent love obviously turned into something more as we got older and he always knew that something special would happen with us there had to be a reason God had kept us close all those years. we were married july 10th in a court house with our high school friends my momster and her dickwad boyfriend and my new family that consisted of my husbands parents and siblings while my maid of honor watch via facetime (she had work and the ceremony lasted like 20 mins) leading up to our wedding he "proposed" properly on the couch while we were watching a movie and his best friend was so upset that he was not included in the proposal. we promised to include him on our 5 year anniversary at our vow renewal. we were married on the 10th we had our honeymoon that night in galveston. on the 11th we went to our best mans house, watched hoarders all morning, played ping pong, went to go see a movie with our old clique from high school, slept on a too small air mattress with a too small blanket in freezing cold room and woke up early. he dropped me off at my momsters and we said our teary eyed goodbyes and said we'd see each other again in december and I watched him drive away to the air port. I turned 20 the next week and I had 1 good day then on the 18th my mom decided to yell at me and fight me about money (remember how i said i was trying to pay off my college stuff well my mom knew that. it was no secret. well i found a way and i had gotten the money the week i got married and i paid it off and put the rest in savings and refused to touch it) well my mom yelled at me until she was blue in the face because since dickwad fucked up his finances with his DWI they were now strapped for cash and wanted me to pay for everything and I refused. just because we said I'd move in december doesn't mean plans are set in stone and if I would have paid them in advance I would have never seen that money again. the risks were to high for me to pay that much in one sitting. so we argued on the 18th she didn't talk to me for two days then on the 21st she gave me an ultimatum and told me to pay or get out. meanwhile my husband and I were thinking ahead and I was already packing and by the 22nd all i had in the bedroom i slept in was a duffel bag of clothes and hamper full of my bedding I told her i was moving out on the 23rd on a sunday and by the time they got home from church me and everything i had would be gone from that house. remember my husbands best man and best friend and the small air mattress and cold bedroom?

August: they both had a house together and that was the house i stayed in until the second week or two of august i spent almost a week with my dad and his family so i could say my goodbyes. i came back to the guys house for 2 days finished packing said my goodbyes to all my friends and then my dad was there with a jeep for all my stuff and we would start our long trip to VA. the first day we drove from TX to atlanta then the next day atlanta to VA.

I was finally home. there he was my knight in blue digital camo. we'd only been married a month and already our plans were askew. my dad stayed for 2 extra days and helped us get settled into our new apartment then left.

september: we are 2 months into our marriage and our first month living together. these next two months will be the hardest months in our marriage. we're getting used to each other getting to know our homelife quirks it is a difficult transition for both of us I am used to an abusive passive aggressive household where i lock myself in my room and he is used to empty barracks and going out everyday just so he doesn't have to be in the barracks all day. it was hard but we wouldn't want to bicker over mundane things with anyone else.

October: its spoopy time and my husbands birthday is this month we have a tv and new bed for our master bedroom we have a cat but Im pretty sure we got him in september. we're not really fighting as much at least not about stupid things we know what pushes our buttons and we're communicating better. I have to turn down my first job because its too far of a drive. ( we immediately regret it) the hubs 21st birthday rolls around we have the worst mexican food ever and he has the strongest margarita in the world it was really a great night. Halloween we sit on the couch watching movies and just stay in all day.

November: my husbands family have informed us that his little brother will be graduating from boot camp this month and will be going to school on a base in VA and that they were coming for thanksgiving. so we get the house in order for our new guests. we buy everything from a thanksgiving ham to new towels when they arrive his parents are sick with the flu and my husband still has work the next day on thanksgiving. his mom and i spend the entire next day cooking and getting everything ready. when my husband gets home we have dinner and watch a movie or two. the next day is my husbands day off and we all had planned on eating out so we had lunch then went to the beach for his mom and then my husbands base to give a tour for his mom (insert eyeroll here the woman takes pictures of quite literally everything its almost annoying)and then finally we go back home so we can get his little brothers stuff and we can drop him off at his new base. (which is a whole lot more difficult then it should have been.) they end up giving him a weekend pass but by then we're all dead tired and want to go home but no, we go bowling on base until its time to take his little brother back to the barracks. then the next day is even more annoying my husband picks up his little brother and some breakfast and we trudge to a museum of an old ship for about 2 or 3 hours. keep in mind my husbands parents are still sick with the flu and everyone is tired except his little brother and my husband has work at 3am the next day. on top of that his parents need to get on a plane this same day and my husband and i need to drop off his little brother back on base. needless to say it was another long day and we finally had our house back my poor husband had work at 3am and around 9am i hear him come home apparently since he didn't leave early on thanksgiving he got to leave work early that day which meant we got the entire sunday to ourselves. it was a long weekend.

December: its only the 13th and we have been married for 5 months now and it will almost be a year since we started dating. (how time flies) his best man is supposed to visit in january and we are both so excited.

so much little stuff has happened this year that would make this post even longer. we got a motorcycle, my husband is trying to pick out a car for me i thought about doing online college, we both haven't really thought about what we want for christmas and our cat has fleas so its been a very eventful year.