#I dont even PLAY i just like COLLECTING LITTLE THINGS FOR MY SHELF.

[itsbrucey]

I hope Matt Arnold understands that he has impact on lives bc I'm why am I researching the best Warhammer 40k novels to start with.

[st4rgzer]

Can you write a about the reader loving Matt sm but knowing he doesn’t like her back. Liek don’t have a super happy ending but also don’t have a super sad one. Do it inspired by me and …

UNREQUITED (matt sturniolo)

summary: the reader experiences some unresponsive feelings from a special someone

genre: angst

cw: taylor swift references maybe…? Is that a warning? Other than that I really don’t think theres much

a/n: as always, @iha8you ‘s request, ly, also dw you’ll get him🙏

This winter had been hell for me, it was always my favorite holiday, the cool air, snow, when it rained and I got to stay home playing boardgames with my mum, or I finally got to read that book that had been collecting dust on my shelf for ages now that it was dark and rainy. No, none of it this year. Every time I hung out with him I held my breath, in fear I’ll do something wrong, take too much space, become too much of a liability. Its stupid, just stupid, I’m his best friend, known him since i was 16 years old, but he seemed so much more older, and wiser.I belittle myself next to him, instead of just letting go, I take a mental note of every little gesture he does that correlates in any way to me, every choice of words, I save them to then divulge them later. It’s draining, not knowing if its just all in your head. If you’ve got it wrong…

“y/n? Hellooo, are you there” i snapped out of my meditative state.I was cross legged on my bedroom floor with two of my closest friends, I didnt even remember what we were talking about anymore.

“yeah sorry i was just distracted” I sighed tying my hair back into a low ponytail and resting my hands on my knees

“we were talking about Matt? Y’know you actually have a chance with him, did you see the way he talked to you earlier?” My friends were only feeding into my delusions, the other nodded in agreement. Even if he did actually see me like that, i dont know what i would do, we’ve been friends since highschool, everything would just be too weird and messy, it wouldn’t be right, no, not with me, not with him.

“No, guys, stop, you’re all just talking nonsense and it just makes everything worse” I groaned, placing my head between my hands.

“C’mon, who could ever leave you?” She says giggling, looking over at my other friend, it wasn’t funny, not in that moment at least. I felt despaired, I know it’s obvious I like him, maybe no one actually takes it seriously when i throw in some extra compliments once in a while of some flirty remarks, but I never try to hide it, except the real thing of course. I know my love should be celebrated, I shouldn’t settle for someone who just tolerates it, but I keep going back to the same thing, always, no matter how many people I see, no matter how many excuses I make to not hang out, its like a moth to a flame, I know im bound to get burnt, trust me. My friends keep convincing me, I feel petty having to listen to them try and make me feel better. Sometimes I come close to actually getting serious then I just think its a waste of time, he just always assumes im fine when my eye contact becomes non existent and my words get mixed up, I dont think he notices it at least, I dont think he ever notices. I guess this means im just doomed, It doesn’t matter how many times my friends reassure me, how many “glances” i pick up from him, Im never going to be one of his main concerns, unrequited. Im always just dimly lit, just enough. I should start trying to accept, settle, “always the bridesmaid, never the bride”.

a/n: this is kind of sht i wrote this at 1:00am, I’ll write more with requests🙏😊😊

[tinukis]

FINALLY SHOWING OFF MY COLLECTION !!! i finally reorganized a little bit buuut it still feels incomplete... anyway!! it's a mix of one piece and pokemon... ft other things but mostly one piece

FIRST SHELF:

again, mostly pokemon and one piece. i've been collecting pokemon plushies/merch in general since 2018. and to be completely honest with you, i feel like my life didnt start until 2018. i have no recollection of anything at least irl before 2018... i have a bunch of pokemon plushies still that arent even on here or theyre just hiding from sight! (like behind gladion is a steven stone plushie nfmshd) OH AND I HAD MY GLADION AND MIKO PLUSHIE MADE !! i just drew it and then gave the designs to a manufacturer :3 my next goal is to make another two but with their alt outfits this time :D

also on the top shelf, other than the action figures and plushies, are artbooks! for original sun/moon, usum, scarlet/violet, and it's hard to see but artbooks for the great ace attorney/dai gyakuten saiban as well !! also the gladion acrylic standee blends in well with wano zoro jfkdhjd omg do yall think gladion could do a closet cosplay of zoro (miko got him to do it <3)

also im not rlly big on pop funkos, theyre just gifts <3

AND TWO BINDERS OF POKEMON CARDS... i dont play i just collect them bc i like pretty art

SO UM. SECOND SHELF. one shelf dedicated to zolu, asl, and ace and sabo :3 behind the zolu figures are tiny plushies of them and rubber straps but well, its hard to see em </3

i got into one piece since like. early september and now i have an entire display dedicated to one piece 😭 + other things like persona lol

feat my pokemon boxes and unboxed one piece figures. ofc, this isnt Everything i have but it's Mostly everything

the last two things i'll show and the second post wont be posted until i update my stuff more

so heres my poorly made luffy cutout that was literally made with sweat and tears... in fact i startwd this project like a WEEK after starting one piece 😭😭😭 thats how you know i was strapped in for life

and my corkboard!! some cool one piece works and the wano zolu sc :3 it's really cool to have these things hfmhdjd

the ace print, frobin charms, rubber pins, and stickers i just pinned on are stuff i got from a con. everything else from jp mercari !!

tbh, the sealed gladion acrylic standee is like my most prized treasure... not that i dropped hundreds on it but i got it for a lot cheaper compared to the other sealed ones online :'D + his postcards too are one of my most prized possessions... i wonder who my favorite pokemon character is

honestly idk what to fill the empty space in with but i wanna balance out this corkboard with pkmn and OP so maybe i'll try to hunt for more pkmn stuff

this is all i'll share for now but the next post will show my two ita bags that i have :0 !!! and my comically large arcanine plushie that i named ace 😁🫶

[preciadosbass]

13/8/24 [5x DIYS today + one package!! // key + significant photos at end.]

woke up at 10 and immediately went outside to see boris. [before taking ages to get out of bed, that is.] he was really excited to see me this morning and layed down on my shoes. i stayed outside with him for at least 30 minutes before i started getting paranoid my prevision would show up. once i got inside i got dressed into my silent hill shirt, dark cargo jorts, and various bracelets consisting of a spiked cuff, my chemical romance/sleeping with sirens/pierce the veil/panic! at the disco band bracelets, and a wooden beaded bracelet. all of which being in the colour scheme of black, white, and dark green. i love matching my outfits.

once i was done getting ready, i made a ‘key’ for my journals and added it to my intro, and started writing this. at 11:10 my dad came into my room and told me that my prevision isn’t even coming round so that’s sort of a relief. with that, i went back outside with boris for about 10 minutes until my eyesight started going weird and i could only see yellow because of how sunny it was on the driveway. upon getting inside, i had a cup of tea and asked my dad to help me out with the start of my can tab bracelet as i’m useless at following youtube tutorials.

he did the first bit of pattern until i caught up onto it and then started doing it myself. like i’ve mentioned before, i know i dont have enough tabs so it ended up being a little off the length around my wrist. which is annoying because i’m so close to it fitting but i sent my aunt a picture of my progress so she remembers to keep on collecting can tabs for me lmaoo 😭 anyway, im glad i’ve finally gotten around to doing something with tabs apart from making smaller jewellery/making diy pins as i’ve been thinking about making a bracelet for years now. i always end up collecting my own and then losing the stash. however that trinket box i made has been helping me keep track without them going anywhere and everywhere. [photos at end.]

i did what i could with the bracelet and finished at 12:20. after writing about it, i decided on starting to add the key to the end of every one of my journals. hopefully it’ll make it easier for people to understand what on earth i speak about. i went upstairs to my sisters room at 1:25 and watched her play fnaf security beach again. she got stuck with what the task was pretty quickly, so i decided to just listen while looking up every now and then and make a collage in my journal. i made one out of the leaflets from the premier inn we stayed in + the car park recipts. after finishing, i decided to make another with various other receipts from the weekend [like the receipt from my green day cd]. [photos at end] my sister got up to the part of the game where you need to find a head and use a party pass or something.

i don’t really like the second collage i made, or either of them actually, but its whatever. i stayed watching her game until 2:30 when i went outside with boris. at some point, someone pulled up on our driveway. usually when people do that, they’re looking for an assisted living home just down the road — for some reason the addresses always get messed up. but, he handed me a package. i’m just glad i wasn’t in my pyjamas. on his way back to the car, boris came up to him and he stroked him which was sweet. i called my mum to ask if the package was hers or mine and she told me to open it anyways.

it sort of felt like some kind of plushie though the packaging, but when i opened it up it was just something wrapped up very thoroughly. i ripped open the bubble wrap and saw my black parade gerard way funko pop!!! i was getting worried because technically only one of my packages from depop had come so i was relieved to receive him. i took a picture of him and then set him up beside my concert tickets because that’s where i put all of my important things. i will display him on my desk’s shelf at one point but it’s too messy at the moment and i don’t want him to get scratched or anyting along those lines.

i went back up to my sister after fussing boris outside at 2:40. i thought i was going upstairs to watch her play more five nights at freddy’s but she started showing me horror-ish game trailers. she made me pick out one for her to buy so i can watch her play it. she knows i already really want to watch her play fnaf4 so that was sort of out of the question. i couldn’t choose between this low graphic game with barely any plays or bendy and the ink machine. after somewhat picking, i went downstairs as my parents came back from an appointment/the town centre. i showed them my gerard figurine and they were shocked by the size of him loll

my dad reused the packaging from my gerard funko pop to package a few cds he was selling so me, him and my mum walked down to the post office through the woods. i only really wanted to go to get my steps up but i quickly regretting it concidered today was the day after the hottest day of the year. we snuck round the back garden door just incase boris followed us from the driveway. upon getting there, i picked out some low cal treats for myself and got my sister some sweets. on the way back home, i decided to walk back by myself the road way because i was sure it’d be quicker and less exhausting as the woods is all up and down. me and my parents split up and i got home 6 minutes before them.

once i got back i gave my sister her sweets and sat outside with boris. my vision started going weird again so i had something to drink and sat in my room for a while until my sister came down to call me up to watch her play bendy and the ink machine. i went up and watched while playing mcr + the used cover of under pressure, two songs off mcr live in valencia [nanana and vampire money] before she told me to turn it off as she doesn’t like mcr. because she’s stinky. her favourite song out of the music i listen to right now is all my life by falling in reverse so i played that and we both sang along to it. she’s starting to learn it off by heart now.

i went back down into my room at 6:30 and wrote more of this journal. i continued doing so up until 7:30 when i copied all of the journals i’ve written so far into my notes app just incase i get logged out of this or something. afterwards i posted asking whoever’s reading this right now to let me know who does/does not want to be tagged when i post [PLEASE LIKE/COMMENT EITHER ON THAT POST OR HERE SO I KNOW!!] and went outside with boris for just a minute to say hi. i didn’t plan on going in immediately but it was really cold and he opened the door himself and went inside. i fed him and then went to living room as my dad had made me a cup of tea. i sorted through a few kandi/bead inspiration photos.

then my mum and sister came back from my sister’s karate lesson. i started asking my mum about what i did yesterday as i hadn’t written anything about it until tonight. she didn’t know much as she was out for the first half of the day so i went outside in the garden to my dads shed and asked him about my day instead. i took notes and then went through them with my mum. after everything was somewhat confirmed i went into my room, put on my green day cd and wrote about yesterday.

at 9:23 i decided to make this star out of bendy wire and tiny beads. i made it in the colours of the gay flag, because that’s my flag, but mainly because i love that colour scheme. i unironically put it everywhere/generally make everything in those colours. i finished at 9:45. afterwards i got out a bottlecap and a few beads i cut off thrifted jewellery from my shed outside. i couldn’t make a hole through it so i went out to my dads hut and asked if he could. he said that he can tomorrow with his drill and also do my shells for the windcharm i’ve been planning to make. i went to check on boris and then i made a gecko out of kandi at 10. i was supposed to make his eyes black but the only black beads i have didn’t fit through the elastic i use. i’m not ecstatic over how he came out, but i don’t hate it as much as my first animal kandi attempt. [photos of diy’s at end, warning their both very funky looking.]

my cd ended at around 10:50. i’ve listened to the album before but i’ve never tracked what my favourite song off it is. id say based off listening to it today, ‘jesus of suburbia’ is my #1. i went upstairs to my parents at 11, wrote a bit of this journal, checked if boris wanted to come back inside, and actually finished asking my questions at 12. i let boris in and my mum and sister got into a huge argument afterwards so i went into the kitchen with him and shut the door to drain some of the noise out. i spoke to him for a while until he started scratching on the dishwasher which means he wants to go outside. i let him out at around 12:20 and kept on going to check if he wanted to come back inside. i checked again at 12:50 and got jumpscared by my dad trying to toast a bagel.

i continued checking while sorting through giphy to find more interest related gifs in advance for future journals up until 1 when boris came back inside. he had something to eat, came into my room, and i said goodnight to him at around the same time he came in, and finished at 2. while talking to him i showed him all of the crafts i’ve done today + my gerard funko pop. i like updating him on what i do throughout the day when i’m not with him. i went to sleep at 2:50 after figuring out the first/last name for my killjoy oc [i haven’t decided whether it’s going to be first or last name because i don’t have two yet.]

🗝️ — boris/my cat, prevision/keyworker i have to see instead of being taken back into mainstream education

have a good day/night O_o

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Looking at your score for the "have you done antiquated things" thing made me understand that not everyone born 95-00 was indeed born 95-00 (if that makes any sense?) Your score of 9 surprised me because I'm only 23 and I got 4.

Lol yea I mean like ive seen/been exposed to most of those things. I just haven't necessarily used them

Watched my grandparents make calls on the rotary phone. Liked to stim with the dial while watching TV in their room. But i wasn't really old enough to be making phone calls.

Didn't really use the computer much on my own until I was 7 or 8 and my mom had a laptop and I mostly just played educational games on CD-ROM before that so while I'd seen floppy disks we weren't really using them in my house

Im not sure id seen a vinyl record in person til I was maybe 10. I knew what they were from movies and stuff but nobody I spent any amount of time with had any (tho apparently my moms cousin who's only about 10 years older than me collects them but I never really went to his house so I didn't know that til a few years ago lol)

Ive listened to cassette. My grandparents had a radio in their home office that played cassettes and I used to listen to Rudolph the red nosed reindeer on repeat for hours on it when I was little (and yet no one wondered if I may be autistic lol.) But ive never recorded anything on cassette.

I am very glad we never had dial up in my house. My noise sensitive ass could not have handled that lol. I know what it sounds like. I know it made an awful noise. I would not have been a fan.

I dont know if I would have sent postcards even before 2000.....every time I've bought a postcard its because I wanted it for me lol. With the exception of the wooden one I got as a souvenir for my friend when I went to Colorado (tho I do wish id gotten one for myself)

My dictionary was a childrens dictionary i got at school. Dictionaries and encyclopedias just aren't something my family would have...we read a lot but those would just take up shelf space lol

Ive never personally paid with a paper check but I have received paper checks as payment at work and i know how to fill out a check.

[skunkes]

do you have any pointers on making characters that you love and are proud of 🥺 i know it’s kind of a loaded question but i feel like i just Can’t make a whole being that i love and want to expand on! i’ve started on many ocs before but have inevitably abandoned them

This is a little hard to answer! I dont have many ocs, make one every 7 years, and I don't really have that feeling of Love and Pride for very many of em.

(i also end up abandoning em, see: how only Talon and Al seem to exist right now)

but anyway:

The process that I've found has helped me develop Talon (who I'm gonna use as example bc he's The recent oc and muse) and other ocs is...taking time to develop em as if they're Real Persons.

I joked earlier this year when I was starting to develop him, that he was Acclimating to my Brain, and that I was locking him in a room with my other ocs while I figured him out, but that actually also helped!

Im big on daydreaming so sticking talon in "a room" with other ocs kinda of helped build on all parties, as your brain gets to play with surface level interactions.

As for the real persons bit, I also mean this as Figurative language and not "I actually think my ocs are real people :)" but adjacent to the daydreaming, I let my ocs sort of tell me stuff about themselves as time progresses. Like, when I made Talon I didnt scramble to be able to fill one of those character sheets with facts about him on Day One. I couldn't tell you right now what his Biggest Phobia is or whatever. (But maybe some day he'll let me know!)

I feel like that ⬆️ would burn me out or make me feel restricted to whatever I came up with in such a short amount of time (which is also why I can't really Make ocs or focus on all of em at once) but it's like with real persons, you get used to and learn more about them and grow closer to em the more you spend time with them...!

Over time just picking a scenario and reimagining it has helped more facts and tidbits and quirks and such come to light, along with plucking things from media that inspires me, or funny tumblr posts that remind me of him (or get the gears turning in my brain), even really exaggerated joke posts make my brain eager to apply the non-joke elements to him, as well as interesting personality traits I notice in other, real people! Or traits from myself! Flaws (physical and nonphysical!) Insecurities! Things that make up real people you may love!

-

I realize dis didn't really answer anything but again I don't really know T_T ive just made the one new involved oc this year, for the first time in many years. Ive been "developing" him since april and he's still not a "complete" character (+ maybe never will be) but i Do love and am proud of him. Thats another thing I think, it's Okay if you move on from your attempts. I've had ocs I was once focused on that haven't been seen or thought about in Years. Like who knows, Talon could be put back up on the brain shelf to collect dust in a few months. I think that's fine as long as you had fun with it! I hope you create something that Sticks, even for a little bit!

[pjsk-writin]

WAIT HOLUP, I WANNA RAMBLE ABOUT MY FIGURES TOOOO!!! Ive been overcome with the urge to explain this all to u in detail, so please pardon thye ramble that follows as i list all my wonderful figures <3

FIRST AND FOREMOST, MY BELOVED, MY ONE AND ONLY, MY PRECIOUS MIKU FIGURE!!! I only have one of her (so tragic), and its just in her usual fit, but its ADORABLEE! Idk how to describe it, but its like she's jumping up with both legs out, and its vv cute and amazing and aAHHHHH

Then there is my precious Qiqi figureeee!!!! I LOVE QIQI SM, IDC IF PEOPLE DONT LIKE HER BC OF DUMB 50/50S, I LOVE HER!!! She's my genshin oc's lil sisactually, so i love her even more for that ^^ silly little zombie girl...

I also have a lego figure of Gamora from marvel, and a wooden robot guy my aunt got me once that sit on my shelf with my figures hehe

Next are my full on collections-

MY FUNKOSSS MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I have a 5 in total, and i just started collecting em in 2022- I have one of Miachel Jackso- I mean... Muzan kibutsuji (from demon slayer) and also tanjiro (also demon slayer)! Then there's my Shigaraki funko... I dont love MHA but shiggy is forever my silly little crusty smile man <3, as well as my hamilton funko, hamilton was my first funko and i LOVE HIM hskdfksjdksksjhd- I ALSO HAVE A SIGNED FUNKO (WOWOW) OF TANJIRO AGAIN< SINGED BY HIS EN VA (WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO VOICE AETHER IN GENSHIN, WOWOW) and that one. that one is my prized possesion. His va is so nice istg-

Then... My biggest collection of figures... My demon slayer collection. YES IK THERE WERE 3 DEMON SLAYER FUNKO POPS BUTSHSHSHS THOSE DONT COUNT BC THERE IN THE FUNKO COLLECTION CATEGORY OKAY

I have an ungodly amount of demon slayer figures bc its the only anime my father watches so he will actually buy me the figures (wowow), and not only that, but the place he goes to play card games sells them, so usually when he goes to do that he comes home with a new demon slayer figure hskdjd-

I haveeee... Obanai, Gyomei, Sanemi, Nezuko, Tanjiro (yes. Again.), RUi (SADLY NOT PRSK RUI ALTHOUGH ID KILL FOR A FIGURE OF HIM), ad Inosuke in full sizes. Then i have Nezuko, Giyuu, and Kanao from the same set of mini-figures. Then theres a very tiny and derpy figure of, yet again, tanjiro, and a mall little wobbly plastic thing i got for free at a con of Urokodaki.

...I may have a small figure collecting issue. Especially with those demon slayer ones-

UH SORRY I DEF RAMBLED ALOT HERE T^T SORRY FOR THAT HAHAHAHHhh

WAAA NO ITS OK DW THATS LITERALLY SO COOL !!!! I've been wanting to start a collection, the demon slayer ones are so cool fr....and tbh I think its everyone's dream to get a pjsk figurine BFKSKF- but I also have a miku figurine and funko !! the figurine is an alice in wonderland one and the funko is the soda one weheh......I need to start a collection immediately figurines are so pretty <3

[s4turns-r1ngs]

Hello Hello!!

I just wanted to say o love your Bench trio fics! They’re amazing!

I was also wondering if you could do The bench trio X Gn! Hybrid Reader! Where the reader is a Fox hybrid!

The reader likes to play tricks/pranks on people! Especially the Dream Team! And while setting up a prank, the bench trio sees them and asks why they’re doing! The reader tells them and Tommy and Tubbo ask if they can join! Dragging Ranboo into it!

After that they hang out a lot and pull pranks in people! The reader also stealing from The Dream Team and Techno sometimes!

A little thing you can add if you want is that the reader gifts a lot of gifts to their friends! Tommy keeps all the little gifts in a secret chest! Tubbo keeps them in a separate room on his house! And Ranboo writes the things you give him on his memory book and puts them in his ender chest so he never looses them!

ALSO!! The reader would sometimes kidnap Micheal to spend the entire day with him! Spoiling him to no end with Toys, clothes, food, etc! You dont have to add this tho!!

Take care! <33

DSMP - Sneaky

Summary: As a fox hybrid, it was only a matter of time before you pulled Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo into your plans. (Also bonus Michael content because Michael Is Beloved. <3)

Pronouns: they/them

Warnings: Swearing, General Chaos (its the bench trio, are you surprised), consensual kidnapping

-> [a/n] - oh my god??? thank you???? you're so nice?????? sldfjlskdjfsldjfslkfjl,, i hope this is good! also first part is in third person pov, because i need to get better at writing that lol. readers dialougue is blue :]

-> p!c!benchtrio (and michael too <3) + reader, the beginning has a little p!bbh + reader too :]

> divider that i can't add bc im not on mobile. sadge <

[y/n] smiled mischievously as they rounded the corner, making sure that the unsuspecting victim (which at the moment, is badboyhalo) couldn't see them. they wanted to make sure that their trick worked, so that they could possibly use it on someone else later. of course, they would apologize to bad, because they still value him as a friend, but even friends play pranks on each other every now and again.

their ears perked up as they heard talking from around the corner they just turned. peaking their head around, [y/n] was greeted with some of their closest friends: tommy, tubbo, and ranboo.

"oh, hey guys!" they greeted, with a small wave as they repositioned themself so that they could talk to their friends, and watch bad at the same time.

ranboo smiled. "hey [y/n]!"

tommy and tubbo ran up to them, a wide smile on the latter's face, while tommy just looks like he doesn't want to be here. (obviously he does, but he's tommy. it's not really surprising at this point.) either way, he mutters out a "hello" with a smile he seems to be repressing.

tubbo looks around the corner. "so what are you doing?"

"oh!" [y/n] exclaims, tail swishing ever so slightly faster. "oh! i'm just testing out a new...'trick'!"

ranboo raises an eyebrow in suspicion. "a...'trick'? what are you-"

the fox hybrid holds up a finger, moving their body so that they were hidden around the corner. "shhh. it's about to happen!"

the trio watches [y/n]'s eyes light up as the demon, once dry, is covered in water. they all hear him shout and see him look around, as if to try and catch the culprit. bad glances over at the corner just in time to see [y/n] duck behind it.

"[y/n]!"

"shit." they turn towards the three, and with another smile they stand properly. "sorry guys, gotta blast! nice seeing you, though!"

they hear tommy let out his signature laugh as they run, a nine and a half foot tall demon chasing after you.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

giving gifts! (hcs bc yes)

tubbo:

-> ngl you probably woke him up in the middle of the night bc you found something cool. or made something cool. either or.

-> he will take it regaurdless of whether or not he's tired as shit or wide awake. free stuff from fox friend? cool. give.

-> he probably has a shelf in his house with all your little gifts on it.

-> he may not say it immediately most of the time (bc you DID wake him up at like two in the morning) but he is greatfull for all of your gifts :]

tommy:

-> bro i hc that this fucker LOVES shiny shit

-> (i mean, so do i but that's besides the point)

-> n e ways

-> you give him a shiny rock? here. have a cool stick in return.

-> raccoons are crazy man. he (like you) has a collection of tiny little things too. sometimes you trade. bc that's friendship <3

-> it doesn't matter when, bc he will always be awake when you want to give him something. he will 9 times out of 10 give you soethibg in return

-> if you wear jewelry, then he probably gave it to you :]

ranboo:

-> for some reason, he's also always awake whenever you give him gifts.

-> and he, like tubbo, aslo has a set place to put all of your gifts

-> he even writes about it down in his memory book so he doesn't forget about it <3

-> ranboo thinks all the little rocks you find and decide to give him are vv cool.

-> you: hey ranboo!! look at this cool rock i found!!

-> ranboo: that is so very cool and/or poggers can i please have it

-> another shiny stuff lover <3

-> bc i hc that mr. boo's chaarcter wears earrings and stuff, he decides to take one of the cool rocks you gave him and turn it into one!

-> you point it out and he just smiles and says: ye i know :) i did it bc your cool :)

-> and then you just die from embaressment bc who wouldn't if that happened

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

bonus michael thing bc i actually really like that idea:

you lift yourself a little further on the roof and knock on the window, opening it not long after.

"michael!" you whisper-shout. "michael! are you there?"

a small little zombie piglin pops his face into your view.

"hey, buddy! come here!"

he waddles closer to the window, chicken plushie in hand. a little snort makes it out of his mouth when he stops.

placing your arms on the window sill, you begin speaking. "alright, so i have a plan. do you wanna go out for a bit?"

the piglin nods his head eagerly.

you smile. "alright cool. i just need you to climb out this window and then we'll go."

michael looks at you wearily, clutching his plush a little tighter.

"don't worry, mike. it'll be fine. i'll catch you if you fall." you tell him reassuringly.

your ears twitch, picking up some noise from downstairs.

he walks over slowly, still holding onto his plush. carefully, he climbs out the window. picking him up, you slide a note into the room, shut the window, and slide down the roof, landing on the ground without a problem.

you hear a door open from inside and begin walking away, michael squealing excitedly in your arms. it's not long before you hear someone open the window. with a smile, you turn around and wave.

"[y/n]! what the-"

tubbo cuts him off. "-fuck!"

"don't worry guys i'll make sure to bring him back!"

"oh thank god-"

"eventually!"

"[y/n]!"

you mock a salute. "see you later guys!"

and then you run off.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

What will daddy Henry do if his little is sad because someone took something valuable from her?

So i wanst sure what to base this on entirely, so I'm going to go with something I went through over the last few weeks. I had a little bit of anon hate, which I deleted but the words stuck with me making me second guess everything i was working on and the confidence i had in my writing was taken away. so this is like a shameful self indulgent fantasy that im going to read to myself when ever im down.

Warnings: Pretty Personal For Me, Angsty, Fluffy, Self Doubt, Happy Ending, DDLG, Long!!

Tagging: @viking-raider @isitmine @tinabean37 @loserrlauraa  @msblkfire84 @henrythickcavill @plainbrunettelbl @dummiesshort @cynic-spirit @pandaxnienke  @two-unbeatable-beaters @libbymouse @wolfieash @eldarwen333 @princesssterek @mom2000aggie @blackestpinkworld 

(not sure who to tag in headcannons? these are the ones on my everything taglist)

Henry watched quietly with a frown as you sat down in the living room, eyes cast down at the tablet in front of you shoulders slumped.

"poppet what's wrong love?"

"n-nothing da-addy" you said with a small stutter

Henry shifted on his feet looking at you critically before coming over to you.

"nothing? So your sitting here almost in tears over nothing" he stated sceptically rounding the sofa sitting next to you.

"I'm not cryin" you sniffled trying to bite your lower lip to stop it from wobbling.

"not yet, but close enough poppet, hand it over" he said holding out his hand waiting for the tablet.

You whined not wanting to hand it to him at first but after a mini battle of wills you placed the colourful tablet in his hand.

Your head was cast down and you rubbed your eyes trying to catch the tears before they were noticeable.

"okay then, so this is your new story?" he asked scrolling through the page not reading it all but scanning the words, it was well written like always.

At the beginning of the pandemic he suggested you started a blog, and you had. A writing blog all full of fanfictions of... Him.

He didn't mind he actually love you doing something constructive, it kept you happy and busy which helped him because there wasn't many free days even in lockdown. He was working out, reading scripts or rearranging covid tests and travel.

Plus knew these smut blogs existed, even lurked on a few.

"y-yeah" you mumbled leaning on him hugging his arm scanning the page as he scrolled, you knew he wasn't reading everything maybe every few lines

"sooo what's the problem?" he said not finding an issue with the writing.

"i... I cant post it" you muttered looking down avoiding his gaze

"why?" he asked frowning not liking the defeated tone you had.

"j-just because..."

"ah I see, you have lost your confidence" he said quickly figuring out the problem, the downside to writing was everything was personal preference so tiny comments could knock your confidence.

In a way it was like his work, you put your heart and soul into it and then people don't like it? It was always a bummer. But he was used to it, you were not.

You nodded to him it was true you'd lost your confidence, you hadn't wrote for a while.

You couldn't seem to find the words to fit together anymore.

You felt silly, they were just a few mean comments, words from a nasty troll who didn't have anything better to do but it hurt, you poured your heart into every chapter and then for people to rip it to shreds? It stung.

"y-yes I... They didn't like it" you hummed fiddling with your fingers, drawing deep breaths trying not to cry

"and so what?" he said shrugging making you snap your gaze to him.

"wha?"

"it doesn't matter love, so a few people didn't like it, lots of people do, I love your stories"

"you have to your my daddy"

Henry huffed and shook his head at you ruffling your hair pressing a kiss to your head amused that you thought that's the only reason he liked your writing.

"don't stop writing just because of a few mean people nugget, it takes a lot of skill to write and a lot of bravery to share it. Your a brave talented little baby and I'm very proud of you"

He said cooing as that seemed to be the final push sending you over the edge making you burst out into tears.

He hugged you moving the tablet out of the way before pulling you to his lap, unbuttoning his shirt half way and squished you into his bare chest knowing you needed to feel him, not a shirt.

"shh its okay babygirl, your stories are wonderful, and you have fun writing them don't you baby?"

You nodded crying harder trying to get the words out but you just couldn't instead whining incoherently into him.

"and you enjoy making the little banners? And collect all your photos and gifs?"

"y-yeah but they di-dn't like it last time!"

"they don't have to like everything you do sweety"

"but I don't wana upset them!"

"did you do the warnings?" he asked knowing all about the do's and don'ts of posting your erotica.

You nodded whining you always did warnings on stuff to be safe.

"and make the little cut thingy you were telling me about?" again you nodded at him

"so your telling me they read the warnings, clicked to see it and then were mean?" you sniffled biting your lip trying to calm down but nodded to him humming quietly.

"well then it sounds to me like they were going out of their way, looking for someone to pick on" he said slowly rocking you slightly.

You fell quiet resting your head on his chest as he rubbed your back and patted your bottom soothing you.

"but what if they wasn't? What if my stories are bad- and encourage bad stuff!" you cried tucking yourself into him tighter.

"no-no you repeat after me, fiction is fiction" he said pulling you back wiping your tears waiting for you to say it out loud.

"fic-tion is f-fiction" you repeated

"I did everything I could to warn people"

"I-I did everyth-ing I could to w-warn people" he smiled at you as you drew a huge breath calming yourself down.

"and they are jealous because I'm an adorable, smart, funny kind and caring babygirl who has the cutest little peach butt in the world~" he said smirking at you from above holding you tightly to him pressing a kiss to your head.

"and they- daddy! Noo! I can't say that~" you gasped flushing as you realised what he had said

"oh yes you can because its the truth now come here let daddy bite that peach~" he growled playfully snapping his jaws at you.

"ah-no!" you screeched giggleing as he began tickling you all over wrestling you playfully trying to lean over and bite your but through your shorts.

He landed two solid bite's on your bottom before pulling back. Even though he had cheered you up he could see you were still doubting yourself.

Henry cast a glance to the tablet and smirked forming a plan that might just get you back on track. He was not going to let anyone steal your sparkle.

"come on you you've spent enough time writing go play in the garden with Kal"

Once you left henry got to work swiping up the tablet and going on your one drive seeing the meticulously organized notebooks, recognising a few by name.

A few weeks later Henry came in to the living room with a medium size box and plopped it on the sofa next to you.

"here we go nugget!" he said placing the gift next to you, they couldn't have come quickly enough, he had noticed you hadn't been writing at all, which upset him because he knew how much you loved it.

"what's that daddy?" you asked peering over the box not expecting any gifts.

"why don't you open it and find out?" he said sitting the other side of the box handing you a pair of scissors to slice the tape.

You moved slowly cutting it open and pulled the box open then froze.

"d-daddy? What thats my..." you trailed off pulling out the hard back books your banner on the front cover.

"your stories? Yes poppet, I realised that you were putting so much work into these things but could loose them, they are soo good that daddy wanted to read them over and over and now we can!" he said pleased with himself as you sat there shocked looking at the small collection of a5 books.

"but their- i dont..." you said happy but completely shocked, flicking through the pages, there were even a few comments in the margins from henry pointing out the pits he liked making your heart swell with pride.

Henry moved to stand behind you pressing a kiss to your hair.

"They are brilliant! So good I'm so proud of every thing you have achieved and I want them on our book shelf, in the living room" he said making you tear up.

"Really? You... You think their that good?" you whined eyes blurring with tears as you hugged the first book to your chest.

"absolutely poppet now go on, you do the honours~" he said pressing your shoulder urging you to go to the cube bookshelf.

You tiptoed over to it and slowly pulled out each little custom book with your banner on the front.

You sat down placing each one delicately on the shelf the five books each lining up with one another half filling the empty cube shelf.

"oh no baby look? The shelf isn't full is it? You know what that means" he said standing looking

"I-I've gotta write?" you asked sniffling weeping softly but this time because you were happy.

"exactly! You need to fill the whole shelf, so you keep up the good work and tell daddy when you finish your next story and we can keep adding to it!" he said cheerfully walking over handing you the tablet.

You smiled to yourself and looked to the books, your books- actual real life books on a shelf!

You grinned throwing yourself at him latching onto him feeling your confidence come back just from seeing how much you had done.

Suddenly the hate didn't matter, your daddy like them enough to make them into real life books! And even annotated them himself?

And if your writing was good enough for your daddy then it was good enough for you.

"daddy, can I have my screen time now, I want to write!!" you said jumping up and down on the spot excited to start your next chapter.

Henry grinned nodding deciding you can have as much screen time today as you wanted as long as it meant you wasn't giving up your new hobby.

[nagito-kissmaeda]

Arcade - Komaeda x Reader

ミ☆  Just a silly thing I wrote about an arcade employee being baffled while Komaeda clears out all the machines lol ミ☆ I’ve been feeling kind of down about my writing so i just wanted to do something fun. It’s not very good haha. I’m tired and i can’t write good asjfkakd

Night shift at the arcade is usually pretty quiet. Most people start leaving around dinner time and while there are usually still some hardcore gamers lurking around until the AM, most of them only come in on Friday’s or weekends. So the job is usually easy breezy, most nights you lean up on the counter and browse the internet on your phone until your shift ends.

Tonight though, you have been acutely watching as this guy moves from machine to machine. Absolutely clearing them out. You’ve never seen anything like it. Presently, you are crouched behind a claw machine filled with Hello Kitty plushies as this guy slips two bucks into the Big Bass Wheel cabinet. Your eyes drift over to the last cabinet he used, the Wizard of Oz coin pusher. It is empty , you have never seen that happen in the whole time you’ve worked here. You weren’t even sure it could happen.

The guy spins the wheel, it spins and spins and spins. Jackpot. Your eyes narrow, a jackpot isn’t too uncommon, it honestly isn’t even worth that many tickets, but then he nonchalantly slides in another two dollars and hits jackpot again . This is starting to get suspicious.

The machine is spitting out tickets now, so many tickets. Even the guy looks surprised, you are definitely surprised. Two jackpots is not worth that many tickets, but they just keep coming and coming. Machine fault? Must be. The guy looks almost resigned at this point, sighing unhappily as the tickets keep spewing out, like they’re wasting his time and not like this was a superhuman feat of luck. Then, the machine starts smoking.

“Shit!” You hiss, jumping up from your hiding place behind the claw machine and dashing over to the guy before anything catches on fire. You’ve caught him by surprise, he probably didn’t realise you were following him around, “out of the way, please!”

He ducks out of the way, pulling his armfuls worth of tickets along with him as you switch the arcade cabinet off at the wall. The machinery inside stops whirring and the smoke calms down. You wipe your forehead with the back of your hand, you’ve never seen a machine fault this badly before, you were probably going to need to file an indecent report. What a pain.

“You okay?” You ask the guy. He is a lot taller up close, and the shock of messy white hair on his head only makes him seem taller. He sways like a palm tree in the breeze, clutching onto his massive wad of tickets for dear life.

“I’m sorry. I broke your machine.”

Oh...his voice is softer than you had expected it would be. The lights from a nearby Daytona cabinet are reflecting in his green eyes. You swallow, “You didn't break anything, machine fault, it happens sometimes.”

His eyes drift away from you and over to the cabinet, the smoke has stopped now, it doesn't look like there was too much damage, but he looks very upset about it anyway.

“Hey, seriously, dont worry about it.” You give him an awkward pat on his forearm, “The machines in here are really old, stuff like this happens all the time.”

“Oh...ah…” He bites his lip, “If you’re sure…”

You smile, “Yeah, don't even sweat it. You can keep the tickets by the way, once they're out of the machine it's a nightmare to get them back in again, so consider it an apology for almost setting you on fire.”

He laughs weakly, “Thank you.”

“Hey, uh…” You start, not so subtle eyeing his ticket collection. A decent chunk of it was from that Big Bass Wheel malfunction, an already exorbitant number was won legit. More than you had ever seen anyone win before, “are you a cabinet master?”

“A...what?”

“Like, you know all the sweet spots on the machines. Technically not cheating, but not entirely legal either.”

His eyes widen, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” You shake your head at him, “You just won a lot of tickets is all. I’ve never seen someone win that many tickets.”

“I’m just really lucky. It’s all i'm good at, honestly.” He’s fiddling with the tickets in his arms, “My friend’s birthday is coming up and i'm trying to win her that Sailor Moon statue.”

It is true that there is a coveted Sailor Moon statue amongst the arcade’s prize collection. It’s huge, beautifully painted and according to your boss, incredibly rare . It’s been sitting there on the shelf for god knows how long, still tight in it’s shrinkwrap. Generally the most any player is able to afford is three or four sticky hands and a glow in the dark spider ring, but this guy is getting tantalisingly close.

You cross your arms and smirk at him, “You’re really that lucky?”

“Most of the time.”

“Okay then. You’re going to play Monster Drop next, it's the hardest cabinet we have.” You start heading over to the machine in the back of the arcade, it’s huge, you always forget how huge it is. The guy is diligently following behind you, shoulders hunched like he’s trying to make himself seem smaller. The pile of tickets in his arms rustling as he walks, “I’ve never seen anyone get a monster jackpot on this thing. Also my boss filled it with a bunch of different sized balls, so it's basically impossible to get a standard jackpot too, even after practicing at other arcades.”

“Hm. Is that really fair?”

You shrug a shoulder, “Nope. It’s big and loud, so lots of people want to play it and Boss doesn't want too many people winning. there's a catch though, raise the difficulty and you also raise the ticket payout. So if you manage to beat it, you'll be able to afford Sailor Moon.”

The current ticket payout is displayed in flashing red lights, 72,483 . With every failed attempt at hitting the monster jackpot the payout just gets higher and higher, those tantalising numbers draw in more kids hoping to be the one who gets lucky. A number that big means the cabinet has never been won, a smart arcade goer knows that a number like that means stay away.

“How do I play?” He asks, dropping his ticket collection on the ground at his feet.

“Ah, it’s deceptively simple.” You grab his hand and tug him over to the machine, gesturing up at where the balls drop down from, “You just need to press the button to let out a ball, and that’s literally it. The base of the machine spins around to make it harder to get the balls in. Monster jackpot is in the middle, so you would think a straight drop down would jackpot you every time but-”

He smirks wryly, “it’s never that easy is it?”

“Of course not! We’d never make any money if it was.”

He laughs to himself, pulling another coin out of his pocket and clinking it into the machine, “Ah, only one turn?”

You hold up a finger, “Just the one.”

He laughs again, “Brutal.”

“Very.” You take a step back to give him room to familiarise himself with the machine. Most people like to observe it from a few angles, take some time, watch at least one cycle before using up their one shot, “Good luck.”

He turns to you and smiles, “Thanks, but like i said, this is the one thing i'm good at.” He pushes the button, he isn't even looking at the machine, the rotating base hasn't even finished half a cycle. This guy is ballsy.

Despite his gumption, the ball falls a little short of the monster jackpot, “Aw, bad luck-” you start saying, but then it starts bouncing. Once off the base, three times off the sides, up high into the air and then plonk . Straight into the monster jackpot. All you can do is stare. Not only did he get the jackpot, he got it in a rigged machine while he wasn't even looking .

He laughs politely, the sound barely audible of the cabinet’s furious ringing bells and sirens signalling an impossible feat just happened here, everyone look! The tickets have started dispensing, with over 70k to print, it's going to be a long wait, “Jeez, that was scary. I almost thought my luck had run out there!”

He looks completely relaxed as he starts folding the fresh tickets into the neatest pile he can manage, “Are you a god or something?”

“Huh?” He says, blinking down at you, “That’s such a strange thing to ask me.”

“You just beat Monster Drop without looking . I’ve seen professional cabinet masters come in here and still lose after examining the machine for a good two hours!”

“Oh, no need to be impressed. I didn't actually do anything.” He smiles sadly and continues collecting his tickets, “It’s not really much of a talent, but i suppose it comes in handy sometimes.”

You clap a palm to your forehead, unable to believe what you are hearing, “You’re going to have enough tickets for the Sailor Moon statue and enough leftover for like...unlimited sticky hands.”

He taps a finger to his lips, “Oh! I would like some sticky hands.”

“How many?”

His brow creases as he considers it, “Three or four, i guess.”

“Three or-” you start laughing, “Buddy, i could pour the whole box into your bag if you wanted.”

“I don't think i need that many sticky hands, but it's very kind of you to offer.”

“We also have glow in the dark spider rings, and a robust selection of slinkies. Oh! If you really want to splurge we have a pair of slippers that resemble a character from Rick and Morty.”

He grimaces, “I would prefer the slinkies.”

You hear the arcade cabinet’s ticket dispenser finally come to a stop, and despite his good natured effort to collect the tickets in a neat pile, they are still all bunched up around his ankles. You are about to ask him another question when you quickly realise that the Monster Drop machine is now also smoking.

He sighs, “I should have known.”

You don't have time to look into that comment, you are too busy scrambling around to the back of the machine so you can turn the power off at the wall. Much like last time, you catch it before anything actually catches on fire. This has been a very eventful day.

“Hey, uh-” you start awkwardly, pulling yourself up from the ground and moving to help the guy contend with his ticket pile, “I finish in like half an hour...if you need help carrying your miscellaneous arcade prizes back to your car or whatever…”

He blinks at you as you both reach the prize counter and deposit the monstrous ticket collection onto the bench, “I should be okay on my own...but if you want to come I wouldn't mind, though I can’t guarantee I won’t set anything else on fire…” he chuckles nervously and you give him a quizzical look.

You do want to go with him, you aren't sure if it’s just a morbid curiosity about his luck with the arcade machines, or a fascination with the soft halo of white hair falling into his eyes, but you want to get to know him better, “I’ll come with you. You don’t have anywhere near enough fingers for all the glow in the dark spider rings I’m about to give you.” You say as you round the counter and start organising his tickets into more manageable piles.

He smiles, “that does sound like a good idea. I don’t want to drop any of my brand new sticky hands, after all.” He leans forward on the counter, blinking up at you. He’s got really pretty eyelashes, “I’m Nagito Komaeda, in case you were wondering.”

You laugh, “Nice to meet you, Nagito. Now give me 20 minutes to count all your damn tickets.”

[tiens-letters]

upon autumns day, where you and I met. upon autumns day where I remember all of what we were before youve passed. and upon autumns day would I have ever so slowly let go of that pain of the past

zhongli (angst)

@albeidoof its somewhere here hehehe

Time was a luxury. A treasure each and everything holds.

Yet time is a curse as well. It covets, devours and leaves. which humanity neglects to cherish until the heart ceases its steady rythmn, only then do they regret of the wasted minutes, hours and seconds.

Beneath the flow of the rushing waves of things that have come and gone. Only on this particular day would he sit beneath a certain tree. The rough bark brushing up against his back as leaves fell effortlessly to the ground, as if it were ready to let go of from the branches that gave birth to it, only to return once again to the waiting soil.

It was a sunny afternoon, clear of any clouds and only clear unblemished blue, a good time to enjoy a warm cup of tea yet there was no energy in his bones to even move from where he was.

He felt exhausted. Desultory even.

Gone were the halcyon days of the past, and now the present time of the vivid reality he had to face.

Morax, rex lapis, the geo archon. Names that weighted more than one could carry, memories that shackled his soul that lived for a thousand years on end, all but a stain that could never be washed away.

The breeze slowly danced in, playing with his hair softly, kissing his skin and welcoming him. It carried a hint of aromatic essence only he would know belongs to.

You.

He tried to desperately recount the days after youve left the face of the earth and yet he could not remember or did his mind not allow him to as if he did, it would bring him terrible and heavy consequences for an answer, one sane mind would never want to know.

Sighing, he sat back and recalled back the memories of you instead. When you were alive, warm and breathing in his arms. He remembers the way your eyes would shine brightly whenever he would be around, or the small sound of delight you would make when you have finished another one of the many interesting blends of tea youve done over the course of a week of mixing different flowers and tea leaves. Youve made up quite the fortune with this as your little hobby bloomed into a fully run business known across teyvat.

"Zhongli." he froze, youve never called him by his name ever since youve started getting close, it made him feal uneasy as he turned to look at you who stood by the doorway, a neutral look on your face.

"y-yes?" nervousness clawed at him as he racked his brain to what he couldve done for you to call his name like that, he couldnt think of any.

"I came back from the market and I heard youve made quite the generous payment. Why is that, I wonder?" he's done it again, that spending habit of his

"The price was reasonable for such a fine ceramic tea set, I dont seem to find why it shouldnt reflect its quality?" you sighed as you pointed towards the glass cupboard behind him

"You bought the same exact set a week ago, Zhongli. Thats why." having to realize his mistake after looking over the two identical set that on the shelf, he turned to apologize but only to see you missing from the doorway. Footsteps can be heard from the floorboards above him. You were upset.

After minutes of pacing in the living room, he finally mustered the courage to climb the stairs and enter your shared bedroom. A figure already under the sheets as the warm glow of the lamp illuminated your delicate features. The mattress sunk as he sat beside you, fingers brushing away the stray hair that fell on your face.

"Im still mad at you Zhongli." his hand flinched slightly at the way you called him

"I apologize. I seem to not have learned my lesson again. I would gladly return the set tomorrow."

"Its no use, they dont accept refunds." you replied without sparing a glance at him

"What can I do for you to forgive me then?"

"Just go to sleep, Zhongli." groaning you reached for the switch to shut the lamp off but a gentle grip stopped you, forcing you to look at his gloomy expression. Perhaps you went too far this time.

"Please stop calling me in that way. I dont like it." he whispers, drawing your palm to his lips, leaving small kisses upon it. He sure does know his way around your heart, no wonder why you could not stay mad at him.

"Just be mindful next time." you cursed yourself for being weak to his charms.

"I will." yet something was missing "Then can you call me as you did before?"

"Zhongli?" you could see the slight grimace in his face as you teased him

"Stop it." he kissed you without warning "Call me as you did before."

However, his lips didnt stop as they began to travel. From your cheeks to you forehead and then to your neck. Oh dear, he wasnt having any of your teasing.

"A-li." you giggled beneath him as he finally stopped and met your gaze

"Thats better."

He still remembers the faint smile that graced your lips whenever he would wake up next to you tangled in the same sheets. The softness of your skin on his calloused touch. Your lips melting his and your voice lulling his raging mind to peace.

Then everything changed when you drew blood that spilled from those lips he's kissed for a thousand times, painting a morbid image on the sheets. Anger and despair boiled inside of him once he learned of the secret youve kept. Zhongli was a calm and collected man all of the time except when he was with you.

Having to witness him at such a point felt as if his own spear was being driven right through his very chest. He held you in an arms width away, the panic and pain in his eyes increasing over the minute as he begged for you to explain why youve decided to lie about the flowers that bloomed in your lungs, the sickness youve inherited from your deceased mother, whose fate you soon would follow. You didnt want him to find out, not in this way.

He couldve done anything if he knew from the start but alas, you wanted to be cruel, thinking it was for the best. Until your symptoms persisted, a heavy reminder of the remaining distance of the string you have to walk on to reach the end. The heavy feeling in your chest started to worsen as cherry sweet liquid poured from your mouth.

Soon the once pristine sheets were stained in haunting crimson shades as you heaved and he watched in agony. If only he had the ability of what he once had back then, if only he could plant the seeds of the flowers from yours to his then he would, if only he hadnt met you one autumn evening

" please dont look at me like that. " you told him, cold hands caressing his cheeks, catching the streams of salty warm beads that fell freely from your darling's amber eyes.

"Im sorry. Im so sorry..." the last thing you wanted to see was this man to cry. The last thing you wanted to see was to see him relive the past tragic memories you promised to bring him out of

" my disease has nothing to do with you. In the end it was mine alone to handle. oh, you are far from that so please dont you ever blame yourself."

"How can I not? If I havent fallen so deep then you would experienced so much more in life, you couldve been happier if you met someone else. Yet you chose me and I couldnt give you anything, I--. " the words knotted up as he began to shake, hands holding yours as knuckles turned to white

You slapped him.

With all the strength youve gathered in that fading body of yours. The sound cutting the grieving sounds that spilled from him, soul and flesh alike.

"A-li, look at me. Do I look like someone whose unsatisfied with what youve given me? Did my smile ever fade when Im with you? Did your affections ever lack? Answer me." his watery gaze met yours, a torrent of emotions swimming in them

"No. Never." a soft smile was carved unto your lips

"My dear, youve given me all Ive ever wanted in this life and I regret nothing of it."

To him, you were the flower that bloomed at the highest peak of the mountain he's never reached and yet its petals voluntarily detached and fell down, making him the happiest as one thing he's admired was untouchable and now, lay softly in the palm of his hands. To cherish and to protect.

But of course, all things are evanescent.

The familiar feeling of soreness that wasnt supposed to be there rose, ebbed and flowed through his throat. He knew it all too well, it was after he woke from his week long slumber did he feel it along with what his ancient beating heart felt.

"You collapsed." the worried words of the qixing echoed in his head. He frantically got up but as soon as his feet touched the floor did his legs give out underneath him, what use was he in this sorry state. He was helped up and sat back on the edge of the bed.

He wanted to ask many things yet was unable to.

Ningguang spoke as if you were still breathing and was visiting her minutes ago with another one of your tea blends. "Dont worry and rest first, go to jueyun karst after. They will be waiting."

To where the adepti resides, who as well, favored you, that one soul among thousands of others. One to which they shared a few good memories with was allowed to slumber there in peace.

Zhongli found himself waking up to the sun setting in the horizon. Just like how youve gone and resurfaced back into his memories. It was time.

He stood up from where he sat, gloved hands brushing any dirt that clung to him as he made his way to where you slept.

The red bean that was planted by himself still remained, a token of his love for you. Picking one bead and placing it inside the hollow dice he brought along, completing another one of the similar handicraft he's made every visit.

The sun finally died and the moon began its reign. The small wisps of light gathered around before him, forming a blurry image.

It was then he felt at ease, he saw you smiling at him with all there is in the world. Your light seemed to dim a little, hinting the blessing the adepti gave was slowly diminishing. Soon your visits would cease and you were sure that by the end of the power spent, he wouldve let go of the torment that plagued him.

"A-li. Have you been well?" he knew what you meant

"Im letting go slowly my dear. Perhaps in time, I would learn breathe easily once again."

Longest yet lol. Hope yall liked it ehehe

[percyjacksonunofficialfanpage]

okay so my last post got more love than i normally get so my adhd is telling me to completely ignore all the schoolwork i have to do and instead write more little things that nico would totally do, and not proofread any of it. just as soon as i finish typing hit post. so that’s what im going to do

there might be ToN spoilers in here idk im kind of just writing this as i think of things

but otherwise enjoy this part 2 of my thoughts and ideas

1.) nico would definitely get will a bunch of star wars stuff (it was revealed in ToN that will is a massive star wars fanboy and im so here for it) whenever he could. like birthdays, anniversaries, little obscure holidays that nobody even really celebrates, like national days that you make up on that website. nico would just be walking around the mortal world and ever time he would see star wars merch or collectibles he would try to buy something for will

2.) because of this, will has a big shelf by his bed in the apollo cabin dedicated to those funko pop figures that nico has gotten him over the years, and will would DEFINITELY be the kind of person to keep them in their original packaging, either that or he would have special display stands for each figure

3.) and every time nico walks into the apollo cabins and sees will’s shelf of Star Wars Things From Nico, he would get really happy inside because it meant that will really appreciated all nico’s efforts

4.) also can we please talk about how solangelo would absolutely do things with the younger campers, like teach them how to play pinochle (even though they aren’t very good at it themselves) and like will would bring board games to camp and he would spend hours with little kids playing candyland or monopoly or whatever. 

5.) this isnt relative to the rest of the post, but like i dont think solangelo has ever kissed? like not in BoO, not in any of the ToA books? and if they did and i somehow missed it can someone please? tell? me? but otherwise like what is rick waiting for please i need the nico series to be true so that maybe they will kiss

6.) anyway back to the normal stuff

7.) also kindly imagine nico and will having like star wars movie nights and like using a projector or something that leo made so it works for demigods and using clamps to attach a sheet to the side of the hades cabin

8.) and then at night they would set up the projector and watch star wars movies and hold hands without really realizing they were holding hands

9.) and the first time they did a movie night, these little kids that were new to camp would kind of linger a few feet away, wanting to watch the movie with them, and so thats how nico and will ended up hosting monthly movie marathon nights with popcorn and mcdonalds

10.) also (for the sake of this lil headcanon please imagine that demigods can use phones) will would definitely put himself as an emergency contact in nico’s phone, and also set up all that medical info in the health app, just in case nico collapses or gets injured after a battle and is stuck in the mortal world and a mortal finds him, then they can contact will and he can get there ASAP or at least give the mortal directions for what to do

11.) i think if nico and will could have regular mortal jobs will would obv be a surgeon or some kind of awesome life saving doctor but then i dont really know about nico. like he could go down lots of different paths. but for the sake of NOT going off on a tangent and just sticking to giving u guys headcanons, i think nico wouldn’t really have a job, he would maybe just live in italy or france or somewhere with that aesthetic and sell things he makes or maybe run a little storefront (i realize that these qualify as jobs and yea but hear me out i’ll probably be able to take this somewhere) 

12.) and he would like sell little items and things and antiques, and if someone came into his shop and he had a good feeling about them, he might give the item to them for free or like give them a discount. like

13.) i’m kind of imagining an elderly italian lady coming into his shop and shes really nice and sweet and they talk a little bit and he decides to give her like an old necklace for free. idk that just so cute to me

14.) but back to actually possible things i 100% believe that nico and will would play pranks on each other and try to minorly inconvenience one another all the time. 

15.) like one time nico might take only half of wills socks, so none of them match

16.) and then to retaliate will set up an elaborate rube goldberg machine type thing with the help of the hermes cabin and percy and some mastermind athena kids so that when nico stepped outside of his cabin the next morning a massive bucket of water would be dropped on his head

17.) and they just go back and forth and they’re really competitive with each other but never in a mean way, like they never take it too far. 

anyway that’s all, i might write more if i think of any! :) xoxo

[the-hotter-otter]

Strangers || ATEEZ Fanfic

Seonghwa X OC

Mafia/Crime AU

3.7k words

Part 3 || chapter list || previous chapter || next chapter

Hyejin can’t fully commit to Seonghwa’s tempting offer, meanwhile Hongjoong continues to keep secretes.

Warning: blood, minor death, injury, violence, knife use

Angst, fluff, smut, cussing, violence, death

note: ayo shit will start moving soon I promiseee, I seriously don’t know where this story is gonna go but fuck it we’ll see. 

No pov

Hongjoong wasn’t at all surprised when Seonghwa came into his office late at night. He could tell there was a lie in between the lines Seonghwa spoke when he confronted the two last week. Being best friends for years with a bit of blood, death and guns on the side really did bring people together. 

“What’s her name?” Hongjoong asked, he couldn’t stay mad at Seonghwa. Hongjoong knew punishment wasn’t necessary on the eldest who was already racking his brain on it, as a leader he could tell when further discipline was needed and when it was best to leave it to their own self conscience. “If she’s staying here, I should at least know.”

“Lee Hyejin,” Seonghwa said, cursing the weird feeling of familiarity he felt after saying her name. 

“Lee hyejin?” Hongjoong quirked an eyebrow, he’s definitely heard of the name from somewhere, he just couldn’t pinpoint where. “Sounds familiar.”

Seonghwa merely nodded, somewhat glad that Hongjoong didn’t directly question him. “I’ll take responsibility for her.”

Hongjoong liked the sound of that, though it didn't change the fact that he was overlooking one more person. “That means a lot of things hwa, keeping her in line, taking care of her, watching her and protecting her if shit goes down.”

“She isn’t 5.” Seonghwa sighed, “I’m not spoon feeding her.” 

“But she knows.” Hongjoong reminded him, “and she knows she has you wrapped around her finger, people take advantage of that.” 

“I can always shoot her.” Seonghwa said as if it were so simple.

Hongjoong looked him up and down, silently judging the older one. Hongjoong sighed, he wasn’t exactly up for this kind of conversation at 2:30am, “Dramatic much... Aish don't waste the bullets, the suppliers have been shitty to us lately.”

“What I’m saying is you won't have to worry,” Seonghwa said, “you’ll barely notice her.”

Hongjoong looked Seonghwa up and down, “you want her to stay that badly?” 

Seonghwa was taken back by the other’s awkward perspective, “yes? There really isn’t any ulterior motive.”

Hongjoong gave a dawdled nod as he chuckled, “I’m playing with you hwa. Bring her in, I’ll let the others know of our latest addition.”

Seonghwa was about to step out of the office when Hongjoong suddenly spoke up again, “don’t forget about that task I gave you.”

Seonghwa gave a sharp nod, “I'll see to it by the end of the day.”

“Dont fuck up!” Hongjoong noted loud enough for the other to hear, he could imagine the rise he got from it. Deep down he was just joking, after all, Seonghwa never fucks up. 

Hongjoong enjoyed the tease he gave his best friend, more often than not, the former was in tight situations with serious consequences, loosening up was often the last thing he’d find himself doing. 

His smile was short lived when he suddenly felt the vibrations of his phone, and it wasn’t from the bold red one that was sprawled on the desk with the many papers. His face dropped drastically upon realizing that someone was calling the phone hidden deep in his pockets. There was only one person who’d be ringing. 

Mazaki Meiyo.

“Yes?” Hongjoong cautiously spoke up, his eyes darting around the office. He got up and opened the door to check if anyone was giving his conversation a listen. 

“They moved the deal.”

Hongjoong pinched the bridge of his nose, “when?”

“In an hour. You know just as well as me that this isn’t going to end smoothly.”

“Your deals rarely end well.” Hongjoong scoffed bitterly, he pulled the phone away from his ear when the other line went dead. He had to go now if he were to make it in time, he couldn’t afford to be late, not for these kinds of deals. 

Hongjoong pushed off his seat and swiftly buckled his hidden artillery onto his thigh and around his torso, making sure that his best weaponry was in close reach, ready for whatever conflict he was about to get into. Pulling the hood over his masked face, he checked the location Meiyo had sent him. 

The leader eyed the pile of paperwork that was due in a matter of days, he dreaded the inevitable all-nighters we’ll have to pull because of it. 

As Hongjoong left the household in silence, he turned his main phone off completely and stowed it in a hidden compartment. No one was going to find him tonight.

-

Hyejin pov

I stared at the phone screen in dismay, the loan shark has been after my ass for the debt I’ve yet to pay. I've been trying, but even after much struggle I only possess half of what I owe. 

I hated to take that offer from Seonghwa, the money from that deal would have covered my debt and rent from my residence long enough for me to make something out of a scrubby part time job, he just had to ruin me once more.

Then again, what other choice do I have? I leaned back on the wall of the alleyway, I don’t know anyone in this world. I was forgotten years ago, Seonghwa is the last person I’d go with, but he’s also the only one. 

My eyes drifted to the tall buildings around, they blocked the sunlight from ever entering these shabby alleys with large bins and locked deserted gates and doors. I met with the gazes that had been watching me for a while now, in a building a few blocks away yet still in perfect view, two middle aged men who most likely reeked of cigarettes and alcohol admired me from their apartment which could easily come off as an abandoned building left to collect dust and grime.

I squinted my eyes as I felt my vision start to give into fatigue, unrealistic hues of blue and neons started bouncing around. Every now and then, the migraine in my head would dust my eyes with a cloud of grey that blurred my sight ever so slightly. I sighed as I began seeing four instead of two weird men. I tried to refrain from focusing on anything, the lack of good sleep and food had me feeling all sorts of murky effects. 

Their stalkerish behaviour had been creeping me out for the past few days, despite it, I never saw a proper reason to leave the little spot I've claimed for rest. Plus, the odd duo hadn’t made any advances that had worried me thus far. 

The day continued, and the city had been busy as usual. Bikes raced down the side of the roads and paths, scaring the uptight mothers into a slur of curses. Teenage girls carelessly skipped around in their tiny croptops, powdery make up and flaunty shoes with boys their parents have no idea existed. Cars drove with their temperamental owners honking and anything and everything, then there were the workers who were either strolling around after their shifts or sprinting in swerves around people in effort to not be late.

Yet here I was sitting in a slump not so far from the hoards of people, absorbing the natural noises of the city that started to sound more like blaring megaphones instead of white noise. 9pm had crept faster than I expected, truthfully I wasn’t sure whether or not to go through with Seonghwa’s offer. I still had a chance to reconsider, perhaps I could deal with the information for money? After all, a controversial topic surrounding Seonghwa would no doubt bring in a big sum. 

I shook my head from the ludicrous thoughts, there was no guarantee in shady business, ever. It's a far-fetched plan, and the fact that I didn't have a name to my face meant I was that less convincing. 

Though I knew this offer would mean gambling my safety and if I were to stretch the possibilities, my own life. I still wasn’t 100% on board with the whole moving in with Seonghwa and whatever team he’s apart off, neither could I fathom the thought of that sinful man working with people, and that’s without mentioning his sudden change in attitude towards his victims.

It was yet another reason why I’m so reluctant to associate with him, because this isn’t the Seonghwa I was familiar with, he was a stranger, and no one is at ease when they’re affiliated with someone they don't know, especially when that person had guns, knives and all sorts of deadly possessions in their grasp. 

I groaned as I got up with a hazy mind. I looked up and to my suprise the stretchy men were back to watch me, it started to feel uncomfortable now. “Nice knowing you too I guess…” I keep my voice to a murmur. Soon I found myself heading to the meeting spot. 

My heart feels enraged with regret, and it’s impossible to ignore. There was a mere few minutes till the clock struck 9, I can get out of here now or never. 

The Central Train Station was quite grand. With multiple steps just to get to the entrance, neatly trimmed gardens surrounding the place and ancient pillars that held up the building. It was one of the older buildings that turned into a modern utility. 

“Fuck...” I muttered under my breath, “no, fuck this.”

Before I could think I was already speed walking to get the hell out of here. I had pride, I could at least preserve that after losing everything else. 

-

No pov

Blood coated the blade and splattered across the floor and walls of the office, the books on the shelf were drenched and soaking up every bit of red fluid. If only the man had just followed through with the deal, he wouldn’t have ended up dead. 

“What a hassle.” Seonghwa sighed, as he wiped his blade clean on his way out, though it was satisfying seeing the horrors painted on his face as Seonghwa taunted him, revenge for the knife he flung at Hongjoong during their last deal not long ago. 

Seonghwa analysed the slash along his shoulder area, it wasn’t serious at all but it sure did look ugly and soaked his dress shirt in a dark red, in the midst of the tension it felt numb but as his heart rate came down he could slowly feel the stinging pain emitting from the open flesh. He let out a relieved sigh after knowing that none of his own blood had ended up dripping anywhere. 

If it weren’t for the man’s sleeping family in the other room, Seonghwa could have easily finished it off with a bullet but he had to move silently. In turn, it cost him when the man felt fit to fight back with his own blade.

Seonghwa felt Hyejin was partly accountable for his injury. 20 minutes was a bit of a rush for a mission like this, but he had no choice if he was going to make it to the station in time. There was a chance that Hyejin wouldn’t even show up, and that chance made seonghwa unsteady and tense. 

As he pulled up to a red light he felt a distant memory unfold, one that brought a sense of discomfort.

Laughter bubbled up in the front of the car, toothy smiles that twinkled despite the gloomy rain outside. The lull of the music had been turned down for a while now as the soft chatter continued. 

“Hyejin, I told you I don’t need anything for my birthday.” Seonghwa insisted once more with a light chuckle, his one hand on the wheel while the other tried to hold her hand back. He watched in helplessness as she clipped the dangling toothless charm around the rear mirror of the car, her little laugh escaping her lips as it dangled between them.

“It’s cute! I’m telling you, you look just like him.” Hyejin insisted, “and that’s not even the best part.”

Seonghwa couldn't help but smile when the toothless unclipped in half to reveal a small photo framed inside, the details were minuscule but clearly contained the two of them on one of their more memorable dates. 

“Ya, this looks expensive, how much did you spend on me.” Seonghwa diverted the conversation as he observed the matte black of the green eyed dragon. 

“It wasn’t much, don't worry hwa.” Hyejin patted his hand, “I’ve got something else, it's more personal since I made it myself.” 

“So you have something else now?” Seonghwa sighed, though his stupid grin betrayed the annoyed look he tried to show.

The red light cascaded from red to orange to green and before hyejin could whip out the other half of her gift seonghwa sped off, “fine! I’ll accept your gifts, love.”

Seonghwa sneered at the Toothless charm he had yet to take off, if anything it became part of his car’s identity, making it slightly easier to navigate the garage of small black cars, specially on the days when all the vehicles would be together. 

Seonghwa had pulled to a slow stop in front of the station, hiding the charm was his first and foremost priority, Hyejin would most definitely recognize it. 

As he was about to yank the chain off, the corner of his eyes caught a sudden shadow appearing at the window.

Completely forgetting about the charm, Seonghwa halted in his seat, his hand already clasped around the gun latched onto him. It wasn’t until a hesitant Hyejin peered through the window did he relax his grip. On the other hand, Hyejin was feeling anything but relaxed, especially after seeing the bloodbath of a man in the driver's seat.

“So you’ll take my offer?” Seonghwa asked as if it wasn't already obvious enough, Hyejin scoffed. Her response was seen through the way she snuggled down into the passenger seat in a strained sigh of relief after being situated on the hard concrete for days on days.

Throughout the ride Hyejin had kept a careful observation of the roads they had been speeding across, if worse came to worse, she could make a run for it. 

Hyejin silently and subtly glanced around, the car itself hadn’t changed at all, not even the peppermint scent it gave off from the gum Seonghwa had been loyal to for most of his life, though it was currently heavily overpowered by the stench of blood. Hyejin didn’t want to know how and what got him that gruesome injury.

However, the most prominent and unusual feature that had still existed in the car was the all too familiar charm that dangled and swung around underneath the rearview mirror. The dragon's bright green eyes and toothy smile didn't go unnoticed, especially since Hyejin was the one who got it for him years ago. 

Hyejin had the decency to stay silent about it, the stiffness of the air was already far too overbearing, there was no need to intensify it’s sour atmosphere.

“It’s not just me who lives here.” Seonghwa brings up, 

“I figured.” Hyejin sighed, she had heard the many rumours over the years of how a certain group had been overturning the criminal world with unrivaled skill and accomplishments, they became big in the industry. This group of young, skilled men made a name for themselves and it became one feared by many, ATEEZ. 

Though it wasn’t just their skill that had made them the talk of many circles, it was the people within the group, the majority of which already had a reputation high on their shoulders. Hyejin had heard of the promising sniper who had joined their ranks, the insanely witty dealer who knew how to smooth talk his way to riches, the stealthy man who snuck into and claimed dangerous possessions without a single sound. 

Then there was the hitman who possessed the skill of 100 men, he was a young and promising lone wolf who had been rumoured to have joined ATEEZ.

Hyejin didn’t want to believe it was Seonghwa, in fact she didn't want to hear about anything related to Seonghwa, but it wasn’t possible when she was involved with loan sharks and illegal exchanges for the money she was in dire need for. Of course, because of her interactions with others, Hyejin was aware of Seonghwa’s growing skill and relevant changes, it disgusted her to say the least, how much better he had gotten at taking lives.

However the failed deal from last week confirmed her denial to be wrong, Seonghwa was well and truly closely associated with a group, and that group was no doubt ATEEZ.

“Dont try anything stupid.” Seonghwa warned, Hyejin rolled her eyes slightly, “I’m serious, I see the way you're memorizing these roads.”

Hyejin froze momentarily, she eyed Seonghwa who had removed his eyes from the road after stopping at a red light. Hyejin had forgotten how sharp he actually was, the intellectual from highschool still existed within him.

Hyejin got the chance to really see how much Seonghwa had changed, even underneath all of that stained blood and light smears of dirt, she could easily tell that his facial features had sharpened immensely, he wasn’t the same soft faced charmer that made highschool hearts throbs on a daily. If anything, Seonghwa now resembled a high class heartbreaker with a body count worthy enough for a world record. 

Of course some things don't ever change, like his lush lip and stunning eyes that stared back at her. Before the awkwardness could settle, Hyejin looked away, subconsciously glancing at the toothless charm. Seonghwa noticed the glare she gave it, his hands went to take it off but was ultimately stopped by the swat Hyejin gave.

“What’s the point of taking it off now? You had years to do that.” Hyejin raised an eyebrow. 

Seonghwa did not respond and merely sighed as he began moving on the road once again. Hyejin was taken back when they suddenly verged off into a bush area, what was a simple scenery of grass turned into a splatter of greenery. Trees towered high, vines and dense bushes had taken over, it was an untouched forest and they were driving right through it.

Hyejins eyes squinted in growing concern, she wanted to believe they were just passing through to get to another town, but her panic only continued to rise as they got deeper into the maze of nature. Her eyes glare at Seonghwa who seemed to have already expected her to build up doubts.

“Jump out and you’ll be as good as dead.” Seonghwa warned, as he quickly glanced at her stray hand reluctantly reaching for the handle.

“Where are we going Seonghwa….” Hyejin glowered at the driver who was rather unfazed. Even when the subtle sound of a knife being drawn was heard, Seonghwa didn't look away from the road.

The driver pushed his head back against the seat as soon as he caught sight of the fast approaching knife. With the blade a finger's length away, Seonghwa sighed, “I’m not gonna hurt. We’re going to the house, so put the knife down and have a little faith.” 

“Who the hell lives in a goddam forest?!” Hyejin hissed in a raised voice, her eyes teared up from staring so intensely into his side profile. 

“Put the knife down or we’ll both die.” Seonghwa lowered his voice, and Hyejin did not comply. The male halted the car to connect his eyes to hers, in one swift and unnoticeable movement, he grasped her wrist tightly, causing the knife to be let loose and drop to the pit of the car. Hyejin suddenly let a sharp exhale out as Seonghwa pinned her hand down in between them. She cursed her hazy headaches for causing the drastic disadvantage against Seonghwa.

“Stop panicking, we’re almost there.” Seonghwa said as he began driving once again, Hyejin didn’t attempt to squirm out of his hold.

“Your a fucking joke,” Hyejin hissed, “I’ll never put faith in you, not after all the shit you’ve done to me.” 

Soenghwa pinched his lips together at the indirect upbringing of her family’s murder. He wasn’t about to smooth that mess out now, it’ll require a calmer Hyejin and a better situation to explain. 

Hyejin tried to compose herself, but she knew the only way to soothe her panic was to see proof of what Seonghwa was saying.

As they pulled into the driveway of Horizon, Hyejin's tense shoulders melted into the seat. Seonghwa scoffed as he got out of the car first. The jerking of his head signalled for her to get out, hyejin sneered at the man, “give me a damn second will you?”

Seonghwa rolled his eyes before heading inside momentarily, most likely to check if anyone was still up in the early stages of the night. Hyejin took the time alone to get a good grasp at what she had just gotten herself into.

A house, full of dangerous men, in the middle of a forest and a single long ass road back to civilization. 

This wasn’t ideal at all, and Hyejin started to regret this more than ever.

As she took in short breaths her eyes trailed back to the rear mirror charm. All of a sudden, curiosity had her fiddling with the Toothless till it unlatched. She furrowed her eyebrows at the sight of the blank frame. It wasn’t that she was disappointed, it was merely confusion.

“But you keep the charm…” Hyejin glared at the Toothless that was once a gift of love. In the back of her mind she wondered if her other gift was still intact.

Hyejin could worry about that later. Right now, she needed to stay sane and alive, she knew well enough that she would never be guaranteed a way out of death's grasps. Relish in the house and slowly pay off her existing debt? Yes. Get comfortable and trust that your back will be safe in a distant place full of criminals? Hell no.

[loveburnsbrighter]

Live In Your Heart

requested by @i-dont-even-effing-know-anymore. hope you enjoy! 💕

read it on ao3

"We're not setting up the wifi yet," Patrick says.  He's got his Stern Face on, which usually means fun things, but sometimes, unfortunately, means that David will be required to do work.  This seems to be one of those times.

"But babe," he says, wheedling, "how will I order pizza if I don't have wifi?"  He brandishes his phone. "I ran out of data in New York last week." He went with Alexis to help her settle in — it's been a strain, her moving right before he and Patrick were set to, and he's frankly exhausted, physically and emotionally.  "We promised Stevie pizza," he adds, as if he can convince Patrick that his motivation is purely selfless.

Patrick plucks the phone right out of his hand.  "I'll call them," he says. "You remember, how we ordered pizza back in the nineties?  By calling?"

"Ugh, don't remind me."  David leans back against a towering stack of boxes, ignoring Patrick's pained look, and sighs heavily.  "Alright, fine. We might as well get this done. Bedroom first, or kitchen?"

"We can put Stevie on kitchen duty when she gets here," Patrick says.  "Bedroom now." He pauses for a moment, and then smiles slowly, like he can't help it.  "Our bedroom," he says, and David wouldn't generally describe Patrick as a particularly jovial person, but he looks downright giddy.

David honestly can't blame him, feels that a little bit too, at the words.  He's spent a lot of time at Patrick's place, and for the last month or so he's lived there fully, barring his four days in New York with Alexis.  But it was still Patrick's place, no matter how at-home David made himself there.  (Very.)  

This is their place.  David and Patrick's home.  David and Patrick's bedroom.

"Our bedroom," he agrees, and grabs a box, following Patrick down the hall.

Their bedroom is, thus far, more or less a big empty cube.  There's a weird alcove with the window in it that Patrick has been insisting he wants a window seat for, and the master bathroom door is on the wall kitty-corner to the bedroom door.  David has been pleased (thrilled) to note that the whole thing comes with a lovely little walk-in closet; it's not huge, but it's easily three or four times the size of the closet back in Patrick's studio.

The movers brought in Patrick's bed yesterday and set it up against the far wall, and David and Patrick slept on the mattress on the floor at Patrick's place.  "Okay, first things's first," David says, dropping his box in the middle of the floor. Patrick pointedly pushes it against a wall, and David ignores him. "Where are the sheets?  Because we can not sleep on dirty sheets our first night in the new house, Patrick."

"Actually," Patrick says, "about that."  He's barely trying to hide a shit-eating grin, and it makes David immediately wary.

"What," he says heavily.

"Okay, don't be mad," Patrick says, which tells David that he probably should be, "I should have talked to you probably but I wanted it to be a surprise," and he rushes through the words to keep David from interrupting.  "I used all the money my grandparents gave us for our wedding and bought that flax-linen Pottery Barn set you wanted." 

David gasps, because he has wanted that bed set so badly — fair trade linens in gorgeous soft sandy beige — but Patrick has insisted every time David has argued that it's frivolous to spend more than a hundred dollars on sheets.  Their current sheets are from Target.  "Like, the sheets —"

"The whole bed set," Patrick says, looking inordinately pleased with himself.  "The sheets, the duvet and shams — I didn't get the dust ruffle because my bed frame —" But David doesn't get to hear about the dust ruffle because he's quite literally launching himself into Patrick's arms and kissing him. 

Patrick makes a soft, surprised noise, not quite a laugh, and lifts his hands to hold David by the waist.  He pulls back just a little, letting David kiss down his jaw, to say, "So you're not mad?"

"Linen sheets," David mumbles against his Adam's apple.  He pulls back to smile down at Patrick, and Patrick is smiling back, radiant in a way that David never saw him before they got engaged, a way that he's seen more and more since they decided to buy the house.  "Okay," he says, schooling himself, because if they do what he wants to do — which is tackle Patrick onto the bare mattress in their empty bedroom and thoroughly christen the house — then they'll never get to all the things they have to do.  "Well, where are the new sheets, because they have to be washed before we can use them."

Patrick helps David wrestle the new bedding out of its insane packaging, and then builds a little fort in the tiny laundry room out of all the cardboard while David starts a load.  He's relieved every second that the previous owners left their washer and dryer — they're both done with public laundry for the foreseeable future.

They grab another box each to haul into the bedroom on the way back down the hall; the bed and dressers are there already, and a single bookcase.  David has already been in to clean the closet and repaper the shelves in there, and they've agreed that they don't want to paint the bedroom; it came a creamy off-white that feels warm and soft, somehow.

David puts on music — he's made a playlist just for this, full of high-energy, multigenerational pop, Tina and Britney and Mariah all sharing space.  At some point Patrick logged into their shared Spotify — purely an economic choice; David didn't want Patrick's music fucking up his Wrapped, but that's not really worth ten bucks a month — and added Mumford and Sons and Bryan Adams and the Beach Boys, because Patrick has no sense of thematic or genre consistency.  It's fine, he supposes; when you love someone, you're willing to compromise for them.  

"'Framed wall art and photos - bedroom,'" Patrick says out loud, reading off the Sharpie label on a box.  "Maybe we should save this one until we've got the basics together?"

"Okay," David agrees over an infuriatingly long banjo solo.  "This one is your books?" Patrick gestures and David slides it over, watches him produce a knife from his pocket and slice open the top.

By the time Stevie strolls through the door, helpfully using her emergency key, they've mostly got the bedroom together.  The mattress pad and sheets are on, with the duvet set in the dryer, and Patrick's books and David's books are commingled on the shelf, which David is alarmingly pleased by — they're married, but the sight of his Virginia Woolf next to Patrick's Agatha Christie makes him feel warm from the inside out.

"I picked up the pizza," Stevie shouts.  "You owe me forty bucks in reimbursement!"

David skids down the hall, eager for pizza, with Patrick behind him.

"How in the name of god did you spend forty bucks on pizza?"  Patrick wants to know.

Stevie shrugs, hugging him as David relieves her of the boxes.  "I got garlic knots."

"And cheese bread," David says gleefully, spreading the boxes on the table.  "And one of those big cookies."

Patrick sighs after him but dutifully digs three beers out of the fridge.  (They set up all the appliances and TVs yesterday.) (All that's in the fridge so far is beer, a single head of lettuce, and a few bottles of green juice.)  David accepts his beer with minimal distasteful nose-scrunching.

They make short work of lunch, and Patrick sets Stevie up in the kitchen with a roll of shelf paper and more boxes than he'd ever thought he could fill with kitchen stuff; the dishes from his apartment, of course, and then they'd gotten a lot of the classic appliance wedding gifts: a brand new blender, a four-slice toaster ("but what will you use?" David had asked), an upright mixer, a block of knives with marble handles that Patrick is actually thrilled with.

David finishes making the bed, and then he just stands and stares at it for a second; he can't wait for Patrick to have sex with him in these sheets in this bedroom, but he also can't wait for Patrick to cuddle with him in this bed.  Watch movies with him. Hold him close and fall asleep with an arm slung low over his waist.

Patrick comes up behind him and settles warm hands on his hips, and David leans back into the touch.  "Stevie and I want to get started on the living room," Patrick says, hooking his chin over David's shoulder.  "You just about done in here?"

David crosses his arms across his own waist and takes Patrick's hands, swaying.  One of Patrick's songs is playing from David's tiny speaker. I've been so happy loving you, Dennis Wilson croons into the space, less echoey than it was earlier before they got their pictures up.  He looks around at their new room; the receipt from their first date is already on the bookshelf, and there's a framed poster for that first open mic night, and one from Alexis' singles week.  These are all things from Patrick's apartment; all this time, he's been collecting little souvenirs for them. Stepping stones tracing the path of their relationship. There's a framed wedding invitation, too, and photos: from the store opening, Patrick's birthday, their bachelor party, their wedding.

Even after David landed in Schitt's Creek without a paddle, if he'd been asked to describe his future, he would have crafted a life more or less like the one he'd left: galleries and parties, a drugged-out A-list entourage, globetrotting in the wake of Alexis' endless stream of near misses.  He never could have imagined this: a house in a small town, a business heavily patronized by flannel-clad locals, a single friend who loved him enough to help him move. Alexis settled in one place, his parents settled in another, weekly Facetime calls.  

Five gold rings on his fingers, the most beautiful man he's ever seen in Costco jeans, holding him and swaying and singing softly in his ear: "Forever, together my love…"  A sedan that clicks in the driveway, blueprints for a vegetable garden.  All the Ricky-and-Lucy trappings of a good life, things he never would have expected to love.  

"You won," Stevie told him a few months ago, when he brought her here to sit in the driveway and pour out his heart.  And David can hear her clanking dishes together downstairs, and Patrick is warm against his back, and the song is fading out the way that slow seventies rock does, and David knows, bone-deep, unshakeably, that she was right.

[paperback-writers-blog1]

The Secret

By: ModLennon & ModMcCartney

Rating: T

Pairing: John/Paul

Summery: Modern AU! John meets a boy with a secret, but will he ever find out what it is?

Chapter 3/?

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Tags: @the-beatle-queen

When Paul took off John got truly worried. Something was wrong! And Paul was saying he had to protect him? He couldn't let him run off like that, he had to at least try to stop him.

"Hey, woah! Paul come back!"

John took off after him. Paul wasn't really thinking about being careful and as he ran over a worn dip in the pavement he stumbled and fell to his knees. He couldn't find the energy to get up. He just stayed there, sniffling and not caring if he got funny looks. John was able to catch up to him quickly then. He immediately knelt down to check Paul over.

"Are you hurt??" He looked so worried, horrified at the idea of Paul hurting in any way, whether physical or emotional.

Paul just shook his head. He couldn't look at John. John carefully pulled Paul into a little hug.

"Cmon Paul.. what's all this business about protectin me? You dont have ta worry so much.. if ya don't feel the way I do.. I'll recover. I'm okay with bein friends, you know..."

John couldn't help but think it had to do with that. He simply had no idea what Paul was going through.

"N... no I... I'll hurt ya....I... I like ya f...far too m...much but we... we can't.... I can't.... can't..."

Paul would never be able to be just friends with John.

"Paul.." John spoke softly, lifting Paul's chin to look at him properly. "It's gonna be okay. Whatever this is about... it's okay. We don't have ta move fast. We don't have ta set any kind of expectations for the future. Just relax, yeah? I just wanna spend time with you, as much time as I can while I can, okay?"

"But when the time comes-"

"Then we'll deal with whatever this is about."

John had a sinking feeling, but he wasn't lying. If Paul was terminally ill or something similar, which it was starting to seem like what with how secretive he could be and the vague comments he made now, John still wasn't lying. He wanted to spend as much time with Paul as he could.

"For now, won't you let me take you home?"

"There... there can be no ‘we’ in the matter, don't ya get it? All I can do is leave ya behind an...an just...hurt ya."

Paul fell forward so his forehead rested against Johns shoulder. John's assumption was pretty much solidified by that comment. He hugged Paul tighter, feeling the strangest little ripping in his chest at the very thought.

"Then stay with me now, while you can." He spoke in barely more than a whisper.

Paul just nodded. How could he say no to John now? He understood the situation and he was still wanting to try for a little while. He was willing to have his heart broken to spend a little time with Paul. He knew either way John would lose him. If he didn't pick John he'd have to leave eventually. If he did...Paul swallowed and sat up.

"Alright... alright."

John relaxed a bit at that.

"Did ya hurt your knee?" He looked worried. He had seen Paul fall and wanted to make sure he wasn't too banged up from it before they got up to walk.

Paul gave a little nod. While he was sure he could probably walk on it, there was a nice lump forming. Besides he wanted an excuse to keep hold of John.

"Here, get on my back, I'll carry ya back." John insisted.

He knew he could just let Paul lean on him for support, but he wanted Paul closer. He wanted to show Paul he would carry him through whatever.

"Ya... ys sure?"

Paul knew he wasn't exactly fat, but he was pretty much the same size as John.

John nodded, "of course."

He smiled kindly and shifted so that Paul could easily climb on his back. Paul was unsure but still got himself settled on Johns back.

"Dya know where Forthlin Road is?"

"Yeah actually. That's right near me..."

John sounded a bit shocked again. Paul lived that close to him... and he had never seen him before today? It didn't seem possible. When Paul was settled he started walking. Paul relaxed completely. He didn't usually like others carrying him, self-conscious about his weight, but John was so comfortable.

"Now ya know where I live I suppose there's not a whole lot I can do ta stop ya comin round ey?" He sounded quite happy about that, despite everything.

"Not a chance. And I'm not the kinda guy who waits three days or whatever other nonsense people do these days. I'll be pestering you as soon as possible." He sounded very pleased with himself. He wanted to spend every free moment he had learning more about Paul.

"Well... this will be interesting to say the least." Paul commented.

"I can promise you that much."

John spoke with so much fondness in his voice it was almost even alarming to him.

"That and I have never taken a boy home ta meet dad before." Paul chuckled.

"Is he very strict?" John asked, for once actually sounding a little nervous. His own experiences with parental figures in his life had left him wary of parents.

"I wouldn't say strict. Just... protective."

Paul had a feeling it wouldn't exactly surprise Jim, to bring back a boyfriend. But anyone he brought back would be under a lot of scrutiny until Jim was satisfied they wouldn't hurt Paul.

"I can handle protective."

John could understand that, after all. He felt strong urge to protect Paul himself, so he was sure he'd get along with others who shared that feeling.

"And Mikes younger so he don't get a say in who I see." Paul joked.

John laughed at that. When he spoke again it was in a much softer voice.

"Dya think they'll like me?" More than anything, families made him insecure.

Paul had a little think, wanting to answer truthfully.

"Yeah... I think they will."

John seemed to relax a bit, though he'd been unaware of it he had automatically tensed up when Paul's father was brought up. Paul rested his chin on his arm. He could easily fall asleep like this.... he found he had dozed off a bit, only to be brought back to reality by John asking which number.

"Huh...?" He mumbled as his brain caught up. "Oh... 20... we already here?"

"Unfortunately, yeah..."

John really didn't want to leave Paul now, but he couldn't stay by his side forever really.

"Oh... well now I gotta decide if we should say bye at the door or if I should invite ya to my room."

Paul hated the idea of John leaving.

"Hmm.. dya have classes in the morning? I wouldn't wanna keep ya up, but if you're not doin anything else..."

Paul shook his head.

"Then I'll leave it up ta you," John smiled.

"W....well... would ya?" Paul asked almost shyly.

"I would love to." John said sounding so sure.

The more time he could get with Paul, the better.

"Ya just wanna be nosey ey?" Paul giggled.

When they got to the door, he carefully got off John and let them in.

"Oh, of course." John grinned. "I wanna see how ya keep your room. I bet ya keep it nice and tidy. And i bet... hm.. i bet ya alphabetize all your records and books or movies or whatever else ya got in there."

"I do not!" Paul gasped.

Paul shut the door behind them and yelled a hello to anyone around then led John up to his room. It was neat, but not so tidy. Paul hadn't exactly been expecting company so didn't tidy up. He blushed a bit. John looked very amused when he saw it.

"I guess I'm not always right. That's okay though, we'll get along even better than i thought."

He instantly went to look through Paul's record collection. It was obvious Paul took care of his collection. It was the tidiest thing in the room. On the shelf were various record and record player cleaning items. It seemed to be a little music corner, as Pauls guitar was on its stand near the shelves. His desk had a few scattered guitar picks of various thickness and colour. His favourite was stuck in the strings of his guitar. His desk was a whole other story. It was a creative mess. Not one thought was ordered, scraps of paper with drawing practise were laying mixed in with his actual collage work and some lyrics. A few of Pauls favourite lyrics that he wanted to really work on were pinned to a cork board above the desk. There seemed to be some kind of order there, with lyrics on the left side of the board while college notes were on the right. Other than that it was an ordinary room, a shelf of books and dvds, his laptop on his bed. A wardrobe with a few posters on, showing Paul did enjoy modern bands too. He had a muse tour poster, one for the American idiot musical, a small Elvis tribute act with a little signature in the corner and a clearly vintage Elvis poster in a frame on the wall. On top of some draws were various family pictures. It was a small room but had so much of Pauls character packed in. John took his time looking at everything. He didn't speak as he did, just silently walked through observing everything he could. The room told him so much about Paul and he wanted to learn everything he possibly could. Paul took his shoes and jacket off then sat on his bed.

"Well? Now ya here... did ya have any idea what ya would do once ya did?"

"I had a few," John looked over with a wicked grin. "But tonight I wanna keep things simple." He finished flipping through Paul's stack of books and finally went to sit on his bed. "When did you first start collecting records?"

John went right back to asking questions. He couldn't help himself. He just wanted to know everything. Even the things that might seem boring to others.

"Um... when I was about 11/12. Mum showed me a record she had and I liked it so much she said I could keep it. We used ta go record shoppin."

"Which record was it?"

John was very interested in that. His own mother was the one who got him into records as well. Paul stood up and went to the shelf. He flicked through until he found it. He carefully pulled out a best of Buddy Holly and handed it to John.

"She said she remembered Grandma playing it when she was younger. Probably not this exact record but... yknow."

"Ahhh Buddy Holly.." John smiled appreciatively as he looked it over. "So you've always had good taste then."

Paul blushed a bit. "W...well thanks ta her. Left ta dad it'd be jazz an brass bands."

"I'm sure she's quite proud of the collection you've got now."

Paul suddenly went quiet and turned his back to John, finding something to distract himself instead of responding to the comment. John wasn't too sure, but it did seem a bit odd. He moved so he could hug Paul from behind, resting his chin on Paul's shoulder.

"Paul... I want your whole life story. From the very beginning.. from your first memories.. tell me everything that led to you being this person, with those posters and those books... tell me about your favourite films and your favourite place to play as a child. I wanna know everything."

Paul quickly wiped his eyes.

"Well I... I can't remember /everythin/..." he mumbled.

"That's okay. Just tell me everything you do remember."

John wasn't stupid. He could tell something was a bit off after the comment he had made. He could only assume the worst.

"W...well I dunno where ta start... a lot of it is... borin growin up stuff yknow."

"I don't think I'll find any of it boring," John said with a smile.

"I can't think of anythin you'd really wanna know." Paul shrugged. "What I went ta school, rode a bike, hung out with friends?"

"Mmm.. tell me about your friends? Maybe favourite childhood memory?"

As John spoke he laid back on Paul's bed, making himself at home. He wanted to get a feel for Paul's life, see what he saw every night before bed.

"Oh... well I dunno... I mean I never had any like... really close friends. Coz we move around so much yknow? An kids ain't great at keepin in touch..." Paul paused for a moment. "Well... for a few years I did but... moved again so we fell outta touch." Paul found he never had problems making friends. But he did have difficulty keeping them. Mostly because he got secretive, hid away a lot and disappeared for months on end. Most of them just moved on. "Best childhood memory? Well... usually when we managed to go to a beach. Formby was the best but we would sometimes travel to New Brighton or Blackpool."

There it was again, a sudden fondness for water, specifically the sea. Which didn't add up to how he behaved around water.

"Huh, I was kind of under the impression ya didn't like water. Ya seemed so skiddish at the docks..."

John wondered briefly if something had happened during one of those beach days that traumatized Paul. That could explain the love and hate relationship with water he seemed to have.

"O...oh well.... the... the beach has other stuff yknow... playin in the sand an most have...the arcades..." Paul couldn't look at John. Instead he sat at his desk. "Anyway there was a reason you asked to know everythin. You wanna know somethin specific but ya don't wanna ask outright."

Paul raised an eyebrow. He had seen the behaviour before. He knew he could get funny when Mary was mentioned and people were so worried about upsetting him they would ask sort of vague questions in the hope he'd tell them. But Paul was careful with how he answered, only letting them know what he wanted them to. Sure if they asked he'd answer, but how much information he divulged would depend on how much he trusted them

"Actually I do just wanna know everything," John smiled. "But I am curious about somethin, yeah.. your mum.. she isn't around anymore is she?" He asked, his voice a bit softer now, sympathetic.

Really all the signs were there, the way Paul only talked about John meeting his father and brother, how he had said they used to go record shopping as a past tense. They were subtle clues but John was more attentive than most. Paul sighed and just shook his head. At least John made it a bit easier to answer, rather than the usual 'so what happened to your mum?' John didn't know what to say, so he just went to hug Paul again from behind, a bit tighter this time.

"Mine isn't either.." his voice was barely a whisper.

John just wanted Paul to see he understood, that /this/ was something he didn't have to feel alone in. He had lost his mother just a few short years ago, and he knew the pain all too well. Paul looked at John for a moment before turning to face him and just letting himself cry, hugging John just as tightly. He understood. He wouldn't expect Paul to be brave or tell him crying was childish. John held him tight, letting him cry. He had a horrible feeling that Paul had never been able to properly cry or show anyone how he felt about this. After a while, Paul pulled away wiping his face.

"S...sorry..."

"Ya don't have ta be sorry for anything." John said with a sad smile.

Johns own eyes were a bit puffy, as he had cried a bit as well. He was bad about Julia, he had never really processed it properly either. Without thinking, Paul gently wiped Johns eyes. It felt so good just to be able to grieve. He missed Mary so much, much more that the others just couldn't understand. Sure they missed her, but sometimes it physically hurt Paul to think she wasn't there. His future was so uncertain, there would be problems only she could help with. Paul bit his lip, looking at John carefully.

"I...do...are ya gonna...go home soon?"

It hurt less with John around. He felt so safe around him.

"I'll do whatever ya want me to. I'll stay however long you'll have me."

John closed his eyes at the feeling of Paul's hand on his face, leaning into the touch a bit.

"I just..."

Paul looked away. He felt so silly feeling like he did... he just met John a few hours ago.

"What is it?" John asked softly. "You can tell me.."

John couldn't deny their connection was quite odd, and it was all so sudden.. he didn't want to overcrowd Paul. He was worried that he might be, if the intensity was more one sided and Paul was just too kind and soft to push him away. Paul had a light blush across his cheeks.

"Ya just... make me feel... safe." He mumbled.

John's answering smile was so bright and pleased, the insecurity that had been bubbling up completely washed away.

"Good. I wanna make you feel safe."

Paul gave John a sad smile. He knew it couldn't be forever and one day, maybe soon, he'd lose that safety. Either way he couldn't resist cuddling back up, hiding his face in the crook of Johns neck. The only thing that made him pull back was the need to be a good host.

“Are ya hungry at all?" He asked. "Dya need anythin ta drink?"

He had no idea how long John did intend to stay. He wasn't sure if he would find it weird, staying the night, so he wasn't entirely sure how much to offer. Would he want to borrow pyjamas?

"I'm alright for now."

John was perfectly content just cuddling with Paul for the moment. He did hope that Paul might let him stay. He felt like he could stay with Paul forever and never get tired of him.

"W... well...dya wanna get more comfortable?"

Paul seemed a tiny bit bolder in his own room, but was still rather nervous about asking John these things. He didn't want to push it.

"I could go for that."

John was trying to take everything at Paul's pace and not be so bold now that he was in Paul's space. He didn't want to make a nuisance of himself. Paul moved off John then looked a little lost. He wasn't sure what to do now. They were clearly moving forward, getting closer, but Paul had never been in this situation.

"Here, why don't we put on a record?"

John suggested, thinking ahead a bit. There would be less pressure on Paul to say or do anything if he could just relax to music.

"Sure... what dya fancy?" Paul relaxed a little as he went over to the shelf.

"Maybe some Elvis?"

As John spoke he took his shoes and jacket off and settled in on the bed, leaving room for Paul to join him to cuddle. Paul nodded and put on a best of collection. Once playing at a nice low volume, he turned back to John. He carefully climbed onto the bed. Because it was a single he was practically on John, cuddling up. Outside it had gone dark and rain had started to fall. It was so cosy, Paul found himself quickly relaxing into Johns arms. John tried to make sure Paul was as cosy as possible before properly relaxing himself. He ran his hand along Paul's arm and back, stroking gently. The moment felt so perfect and surreal, he never wanted it to end.

"So um... this... this is pretty... not normal... for two guys who just met right? So... so what...uh...what...do we...what did ya... ya want...?"

Paul wasn't sure what John expected. He didn't know what was acceptable and what crossed a line.

"Well, to be honest I've kinda thrown normal out the window for this. I've never had a connection like this with someone before so.. I don't really know what ta do. But... obviously if anything I do makes ya uncomfortable... you can tell me yeah? Or if ya just get tired of me bein in your bed.." John smiled, "otherwise I'd just say do what feels right. I don't have any expectations, Paul. I'm just thrilled to be here with you."

Paul nodded a bit, but he was a little giddy after all this.

"So.... so you... ya my... friend? Nap buddy?.... body pillow?" He joked.

Maybe labels didn't really matter, but they did help set boundaries for Paul who was new to all this. John grinned a bit at that.

"Hmmm.. well I'm not big on labels, really.. but I was hoping for something a bit more than friend.." he mused.

John in as he spoke to gently run his nose along Paul's jawline, leaving a little kiss on his neck. Paul gasped a bit at what John was doing.

"I... I just...I don't know how ta... ta..."

Whenever John got near to his ear, specifically behind it, he would gasp louder and pull away. It almost looked like he was ticklish there. John had to bite his lip to hide the huge grin from that reaction. There were more serious things being discussed right now, though he did file that information away for later use.

"Have ya never dated someone before?" He asked, his tone gentle and understanding.

Paul shook his head.

"Like I was saying earlier... it could never be for long so... so I never bothered."

"Well... Paul... if you'll have me, I'd like to be with you for as long as you want me."

John's heart ached at the knowledge that that might not be long, but it only made him hold Paul a little tighter.

"I just... you'll be hurt. An... an ya ain't gonna understand why... I just... I can't say..."

Paul was so worried about this. He had no doubt Jim would make him leave when he had to, and eventually he would spend less and less time in Liverpool. Jim wouldn't let Paul do what Mary did. And even if he did, John would have to watch him die, like Jim had to watch Mary die. Knowing it was because she chose him, he was the reason, Paul saw it tear his dad up. How could he do that to someone he loved? Paul froze. Loved? He looked up at John and felt the flutter. Oh fuck...

"I know... you don't have ta tell me why, Paul. But like I said, I want this. I can't leave now knowin you exist and live in a world where I can't hold you, at least for now. I'm very...taken with you. And I want you for as long as I can have you... and the rest... I'll deal with it when its time. But that's on me, that's my choice yeah? So let me choose this."

"What if... hypothetically... ya... ya were the..." Paul sighed. He couldn't lay that on John just yet. "Nevermind. Ya right. It is your choice. An I suppose ya not gonna be that easy to deter right?" Paul gave a little smile.

John grinned, "ya got that right. The only thing that you could say ta make me leave ya alone is that you don't want me. So.. if ya ever change your mind.. I won't bother ya forever. But as for right now I happen to think you want me around just as much as I wanna be here. So lets steer into the skid and just live a little."

John had a triumphant smile, like he had won the lottery in getting Paull. Paul knew he should tell John he didn't want him. He should send him away. But he just couldn't he couldn't stand the idea of John going out with someone else. As selfish as it seemed, he didn't want to let anyone even consider having a chance with John. Instead he gave John a sweet kiss on the cheek. John turned his head to catch Paul's lips in a proper kiss, a bit more than the ones at the docks, but he was still very gentle and slow. He didn't want to rush things, but he was just thrilled to be able to kiss Paul. Paul felt a tingling through him as John kissed him. He could do it forever. However eventually he had to pull back to breathe. He looked up at John gasping a bit, lips red and swollen and a blush across his cheeks. John looked at him and felt his heart swell. Fuck! He had /no business/ being that hot! He had to look away or he didn't trust himself to not get carried away, so instead he closed his eyes and covered Paul's face in sweet little kisses. Paul screwed his nose up and giggled as John tickled him a bit. In the end he resorted to hiding his face in the crook of Johns neck again, still laughing. John finally gave up when he hid his face and just laughed with Paul. It felt so right to hold him. John tried to commit this moment to his memory, one thing he would never forget no matter what the future held.

[dodosinsane]

Cheer up Florence Nightingale

Pt 1

Dared. As in the past. Daring. I was never afraid.

Night. I run , all sweaty. Footsteps. Somebody reeking of alcohol . A corner. Black corner.

I always wake up to the same dream. Panting. Sweating. But always stuck in the same place. Not daring. Not moving. Stiff.

I always wake up to the same dream, or how to put it .. nightmare. Or maybe not. A bad reality.

"Cheer up Florence Nightingale"

And so i get up. I am Flor , a twenty year old girl , Flor. I have a disorder. A few.

First: i am very repetitive. I like to call this a mental disorder so i can justify myself for always doing the same things.

Second : i am forgetful. I called this a trauma of something i dont really remember, you know , forgetful.

I have no memory of some past events. I dont remember half of my senior year of highschool.

Third: I dream of situations that never happened. In a repetitive way.

Fourth: i have no talents. Zero.

So i say , cheer up Florence Nightingale. Who is she and why i call myself that way? She was a war nurse in 17-th century. She was also called The lady with the lamp. When i was little and when my father used to came from the war , he would always try to do things for our home late at nights , like fix a chair , the grass outside , the roof. So sometimes at night i would flash a light and try to help him , so i was the lady with the lamp. He would tuck me to bed and tell me that Florence used to stay up all night long and try to heal the wounded solders , that she was daring and capable of everything. Just like me.

"How do you know"-i used to ask "How do you know she was daring , you never met her ? "

He would just laugh it off , but then again he would be so trusting and innocent back then, he also thought i was capable of anything. He never met me now , 20 years old , a loser.

I didnt get to become a nurse. I didnt get to become anything. I filled out tons of applications, jobs , trainings , everything.

Name: Flor Davison

Gender: Female

College : None

Other languages: None

Computer skills : average

Special talents: none

Dreams: a lot , but not that you would be interested in.

I get up to do the same things i did yesterday. Eat , watch tv , go search for jobs, eat, have basic interactions with my mother, text one single friend i got that studies abroad, sleep.

I did the same today.

I got up and went to buy a newspaper. I saw something on the yellow pages , an assistant at a first aid center. They didnt have an email address just a phone number , so i called them.

They didnt ask for much except height , weight , gender and age.

-1.67, 54, female, 20.

-Your parameters fill the criteria , so you can come tomorrow for the final screening.

That was a first. So i patiently waited for tomorrow.

I brushed my teeth, fixed my hair, put on clothes and went.

-hello im Flor , we spoke on the phone?

-Yes, im Grace yes, so you were the first to call and we were sort of in a hurry so we didnt have time for an official screening an interviews. You were lucky ,i guess..

She had short hair and big glasses , round and thick , like the ones you would have made fun of if you were in highschool. Small and a little chubby . Her face showed a few wrinkles ,she was 35 maybe? She looked unfocused and easily frightened , a nerd.

-So umm this is the room , the supplies are all here , if something is broken you have to report it . You dont have troubles with watching blood huh? I hope not ,the last girl was troublesome honestly, too weak at heart.

-Unm, Its an assistant right ? I will keep notes and timetables?

She looked confused.

-No its more like a -she paused and went to the desk to take a newspaper. -That idiot Jersey. I clearly told him not to do that anymore. There we go wasting time again.

She looked at me like she was doomed .

-Sweetie look, you are supposed to help the teacher on giving lectures , you see he gets easily distracted and has tons of other things to do . So there are different classes . First aid, blood sampling , medicines , how to treat a wound. You know. But since i said the professor is easily distracted , he cant talk while performing , he can only do one thing at a time , and thats what your job is . He talks you act , he acts you talk. But no pressure , if you want to leave its okay we are used to it , no biggies.

-Its not that, its more that i dont know what to do or say, im have 0 information.

-Oh yeah sure, stupid of me. Here. -she disappeared and came back after a few minutes with a handbook and two Cd-s

-So you can read these and watch the videos here. Its a recorded class. Its what you are going to do today. So the salary has 4 zeros just in case you were wondering.

Four zeros was a big thing for me , a first thing actually. Would i die to try it out. Whatever. Of course i would say yes.

I took everything in my hands. She smiled and said that my first class was at 2 pm. It gave me 4 hours to prepare. It would be a blood collecting and processing . How hard can it be? I went home and played the videos. There was a young man , more than a professor explaining. He looked cheerful but concentrated. Black hair. I couldnt see his face because he was performing but i saw the girl . She had red hair and blue eyes. Such a pretty combination. I memorized a few words. Three ways of collecting blood , needle , skin , pinch. Great , i got this.

When i arrived the professor was already there. He didnt even look at me but said to bring him the tools.

I went to the supply shelf to get them but they weren't there.

-whats taking you so long ? -he asked with a not so patient kind of voice.

-They arent here.

-what?

-They arent here , they should be in the supply room.

I ran there and searched for the tools but they weren't there. Grace wasnt in her office . Instead i find a note that said "back at four". Great .

I went to class to let the professor know.

-Are you dense? -he shouted

-Excuse me?

-The first thing they tell you when you come here is to report if something is missing and you cant even do that.

-Um im sorry but im new here and umm...

-and ? I should cut you some slack ?

The damned ignorant was getting on my nerves.

-no its my first day and probably the things went missing when the last girl was here , how was i supposed to know. As i said im new.

-You have been saying that you are new for the past week.

He still didnt turn his head to look at me.

-well if you would look at me you would know that its my first day .

He turned his head and his brown eyes stared at me. Confused and dreamy.

-Who are you?

-I am Flor , the new girl.

-Well Flor todays class is canceled .

-Umm what should i do now?

-call the students , what else?

He turned his head and started writing his notebook. I didnt have his attention anymore so i went to Graces office and started to make calls. She came at exactly four pm and by the look of it she already knew the class was off. She handed me a list of a few things i should do and sat in her chair ignoring me.

Clean. Rooms , supplies , print sheets , prepare for the next class which was tomorrow at 11. The building wasnt small, but it looked dead. Not a lot of people. It was two floors and white painted. It looked like a school but it smelled like a hospital. After seven i started seeing people and hearing noises amd Grace would lead them to a door that i didnt have access to. Not that i cared.

I didnt see the professor anymore. Come to think of it , he looked so young , maybe 26 but he had a tired and pale skin and not so strong arms.

Grace told me my shift ended at 10 but if i had finished i could leave a little early. So i left at 9 and went home.

I told the news to mom. I told her i was an assistant. She didnt ask anything else but she seemed pleased.

I texted Brianne. I feel asleep

Cheer up Florence Nightingale.