#I dont even care anymore I just had to say it
Note
Micah. can we honestly e date? you’re so beautiful. You always make me laugh, you always make me smile. You literally make me want to become a better person... I really enjoy every moment we spend together. My time has no value unless its spent with you. I tell everyone of my irls how awesome you are. Thank you for being you. Whenever you need someone to be there for you, know that i’ll always be right there by your side. I love you so much. I don’t think you ever realize how amazing you are sometimes. Life isn’t as fun when you’re not around. You are truly stunning. I want you to be my soulmate. I love the way you smile, your eyes are absolutely gorgeous. If I had a star for everytime you crossed my mind i could make the entire galaxy. Your personality is as pretty as you are and thats saying something. I love you, please date me. I am not even calling it e dating anymore because I know we will meet soon enough heart OK I ADMIT IT I LOVE YOU OK i hecking love you and it breaks my heart when i see you play with someone else or anyone commenting in your profile i just want to be your boyfriend and put a heart in my profile linking to your profile and have a walltext of you commenting cute things i want to play video games talk in discord all night and watch a movie together but you just seem so uninsterested in me it hecking kills me and i cant take it anymore i want to remove you but i care too much about you so please i’m begging you to eaither love me back or remove me and never contact me again it hurts so much to say this because i need you by my side but if you dont love me then i want you to leave because seeing your icon in my friendlist would kill me everyday of my pathetic life.
Holy shit is this a copypasta if so I don't think I've ever seen such a long one and if not DAMN ANON you're dedicated
#asks#micah#yandere priest#saying “you make me want to become a better person” to micah out of anyone is so funny to me tho
60 notes
·
View notes
Note
can we honestly e date? you’re so beautiful. You always make me laugh, you always make me smile. You literally make me want to become a better person… I really enjoy every moment we spend together. My time has no value unless its spent with you. I tell everyone of my irls how awesome you are. Thank you for being you. Whenever you need someone to be there for you, know that i’ll always be right there by your side. I love you so much. I don’t think you ever realize how amazing you are sometimes. Life isn’t as fun when you’re not around. You are truly stunning. I want you to be my soulmate. I love the way you smile, your eyes are absolutely gorgeous. If I had a star for everytime you crossed my mind i could make the entire galaxy. Your personality is as pretty as you are and thats saying something. I love you, please date me. I am not even calling it e dating anymore because I know we will meet soon enough heart OK I ADMIT IT I LOVE YOU OK i hecking love you and it breaks my heart when i see you play with someone else or anyone commenting in your profile i just want to be your girlfriend and put a heart in my profile linking to your profile and have a walltext of you commenting cute things i want to play video games talk in discord all night and watch a movie together but you just seem so uninsterested in me it hecking kills me and i cant take it anymore i want to remove you but i care too much about you so please i’m begging you to eaither love me back or remove me and never contact me again it hurts so much to say this because i need you by my side but if you dont love me then i want you to leave because seeing your icon in my friendlist would kill me everyday of my pathetic life.
-👻
Okay, I'm gonna say. I was shocked. That's why it's taken like 40 minutes for me to reply to this. However.
I think you're fucking with me.
And I'm pretty sure I know why now.
Listen, I'm glad you talked to me at first, I thought you were two certain people but now I think you're just some random person who just decided to mess with me and my feelings and even MJ.
I'm pretty sure this is affecting him too. So.
Thanks for the copypaste. Lmfao.
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
Having to pass the time between arwen scenes😩
#aghjfgjklgr#I dont even care anymore I just had to say it#because ugh they're painful to watch so I either skip them#or go on google or daydream while they happen#look some scenes I can watch eg gwens coronation and for some reason#the beginning of the darkest hour eps is quite a sweet scene#but otherwise uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh#I just had to vent
0 notes
Text
OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
83 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
ʚ🕯ɞ
#the night are starting to get colder now...#and it always makes me feel so so so lonely#bc it is so cold and my body is so empty and hollow it goes down into my bone marrow#i just dont wanna be alone anymore#i want to hold someones hand i wanna hug someone i want to cuddle under a blanket at night time as the cold comes in thru the window#i dont wanna be this lonely.....#and it scares me so much.. will i always be this lonely??#i sat by the lake today and watched the moon and the waves... the blue sky...#i thought... that nobody is waiting for me. nobody is expecting me. nobody out there... is waiting for me#i could disappear and who would... who would notice my absence right now?#the loneliness suffocated me and felt like a fist closening on my heart. squeezing it#as i sat there i thought i could slit my wirst with that sharp rock and then walk into the lake#until i got submerged and water filled my lungs and i could die there. let the water fill my lungs and drown me#could die in that lake. and who would know? nobodys waiting for me. nobodys expecting me.....#but i dont want that. thats why i keep going every day despite how much it hurts#i just wanna love and be loved. i dont care for anything else.#i dont care for material things. not for profession or education nor money nor status nor a large social circle#i dont care i just dont care. all i want is to sit side by side with someone. watch the lake. hold hands.#spend eternity like that. with someone i love. i dont need anything more#and i watch everyone around me.. how come everyone else can find someone but not me?#everyone ive had just a crush on is in a relationship. some of them even live with eo.#everyone else can find someone else. can find someone. but not me? why do i have to be alone?#i do have to say that my love being focused on someone who is closed to receiving it hurts so much more#than simply longing for a love when it has no face and no name. but i cant do anything abt that. either way still hurts..
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Cardio said my echocardiogram ultrasound, exercise stress test, and week long heart monitor all showed no serious issues, my resting heart rate is fine, but that my heart rate does seem to rise very rapidly under even small amounts of stress (postural changes, taking stairs, casually walking around my house) and rises very high (160+ bpm according to the monitor) so now I get to be put on beta blockers to see if they work and if they do she said that is sufficient evidence to confirm for sure that it's POTS.
Obviously could confirm it as well with a tilt table test but those are TORTURE based off what I've heard from fellow POTSies so I am very thankful that she doesn't think that's necessary and will not be making me do one.
#i was not expecting to get dx and meds this fast tbh but im very happy about it#i think the fact that she also has POTS herself helps because she is very well acquaintaned with what it looks and feels like#and how hard it is to actually catch with orthostatics in office unless youre having a bad heart day#so my orthostatics not being within range was unsurprising to her and she was like#'that doesnt mean anything you clearly still have a heart rate issue going on even if it didnt show itself right now'#i didnt do shit the entire week i had that monitor on to like physically exert myself but my heart rate still hit almost 170 a few times#also the doctor who did my stress test asked me if i ever experience any chest discomfort or pain and i was like hm no dont think so#and he went 'your chart says you have palpitations though?'#and i was like '... those count as discomfort???' akdjaicidjwjcjsn the answer is yes apparently#im just so used to them now because i have them daily that they dont even really register to me anymore#unless theyre bad enough to knock the wind out of me or make me cough#they just make me anxious which... ig is also a form of discomfort#chronic illness and chronic pain problems though lol not having a normal baseline for discomfort and pain#ndr#not dog related#health stuff#not that anyone probably cares lol but im excited about getting things that have neen affecting me for years FINALLY figured out#im not crazy im just disabled!!!!#*been
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
i need to vent about something that happened and i’ll do it in the tags of this post and i dont really know how to trigger it but it may be triggering so yeah maybe dont read it idc i just need to talk to the void
#how many fucking times do i have to say no for you to fukcing understabd it#we’ve talked avout this so many times you’ve been told by more than one prrson how that makes me uncomfortable#and you still try something in my party and in front of mu whole fucking family?#and you clearly dont care about me at all you just want to kiss me or even more than that and thats the whole fucking reason you even talk t#to me#bc if you cared in the slightest you wouldnt keep trying and trying and trying#knowing damn well how uncomfortable it makes me#to the point that i had a panic attack at my own fucking party bc you wouldnt leave#literally had to call the building security guard to make you leave#and you still call yourself my friend?#fuck you#im so glad i dont have to see you anymore#and what makes this even sadder is that you were a great friend or whatever#talking to you has always been lovely#but just bc im a lesbian and im single does not mean i fucking want you#ive made it more than clear that i dont#youve been at it for a whole year. half of which you were in a relationship mind you#so fuck you#leave me the fuck alone
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
cannot fucking wait to get this new covid vaccine shoot me tf up ‼️‼️
#my friend was complaining about how most meditation retreat centers require you to be vaccinated........#ok first of all why do you think an institution such as a retreat center which focuses on cultivating positive traits such as#caring about how your actions affect other people would want their attendees to be vaccinated. second why are you feeling sorry for yourself#there is a very fucking easy and common sense solution to this problem. its so fucking stupid i am so frustrated#once again i hate to say this but i dont think i would have moved here if i had comprehended the uhh political climate#my fault for not knowing but like sorry for expecting people to have common sense ig#in many other ways they are not conservative/conspiratorial at all but the goddamn vaccine thing is just SO fucking stupid. soooo stupid#and i'm scared of getting covid obviously and i don't even feel safe to wear a mask anymore because i know it would cause dumb drama#i mean i also don't want my friend to get it of course but like if you're going to be an idiot about it then stupid games stupid prizes etc#but goddamn i am so scared of getting long covid and becoming more disabled that's really all this is about. and stupid people annoy me ofc#sorry this post was just an excuse to bitch in the tags i'm very frustrated and have been very frustrated about this since i learned it was#an issue. which was of course after i moved here#god.#me
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
me at 13: by the time im 30 i will probably be married and maybe have a kid but for sure i will be living in my dream city and have my dream job. and also a lot of money
me at almost 30: i think i will treat myself to a corn dog this weekend
#i want a corn dog so bad rn#ngl u guys im actually really struggling with turning 30 at the end of the year lmao#not lmao bc it really is bothering me which is so stupid i know I Know#but. and i know we're All struggling with this. but it's like god i have done nothing with my life#like fr. everyone says that but i literally have done nothing. ive never had a real 9-5 ive been freelancing since college#and tbh i guess that's not a bad thing? but self worth wise i feel like a complete loser.#but ive just made one mistake after another and i know that's what your 20s are for and u know what this is my tags and im not going#to keep contradicting myself i feel like shit bc i feel like shit and ive wasted my whole life thats that#i just feel like such a sham like i cant believe this is what 30 is like i on god feel like im still a teenager#not in a carefree kind of way OBVIOUSLY. which i never was anyway. but i just ?? feel like that#scary fucking episode of rugrats where tommy and chuckie become their dads and they go to work and theyre so fucked up bc#well theyre babies and they dont know anything. and even the fact that i just referenced rugrats to explain how i feel lmaooooo#relationship wise well u guys know how that is. and i truly couldnt care less about what people think about me not being in a relationship#ever and tbqh i dont give a fuck anymore either like. and here i go bringing this up again. but after my ex im like ok life truly is so#short fr i dont even care like anyway. anyway. the point is there is just no reality whatsoever where i pictured my life where i am now#once again living with the abusive relative i moved across the ocean to get away from.#no love life to speak of. fr dont care but god wouldnt it be nice to be loved fr.....#no career. living in a state i hate with all my heart. barely surviving money wise. which is everyone rn but#if i had known 10 years ago this would be my life i would have honestly killed myself.#like if i knew it would all turn out like this i wouldnt have moved i wouldve just fr killed myself and i wish i did lol#to be fair. i didnt see myself living past 18 but like. i just thought something would have saved me by now
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
i must be fr the only person who never rly cared for vee but thats mostly cause one of the first things we saw her do was throw away and give away luzs stuff as if it was hers and i just know if someone did that to me id be so pissed. do NOT touch my shit dude istg. like they didnt even know if luz was dead or not like at least wait a few years or some shit. not a month. its so petty of me but its also a fictional character so. i dont even hate her i just dont rly care in general
#my post#definitely not tagging the fandom even for blog purposes cause i dont need people talking to me about this ajfjajd#im literally just expressing this cause i think about it every time i see vee#i just know if some people saw this theyd make a fuss cause shes def a loved character which is fair#like. dude my nephews kept coming into my room when i wasnt there and trying to take my things#so much so that when i was at therapy on tuesday and therefore couldnt protect my room#THE BROKE ONE OF MY FIGURINES. MY ESPEON. i had to superglue the tail back on but it doesnt even fit right and i cant even#remember how it fit anymore and i. oh my FUCK. not to mention they straight up succeeded in stealing my glameow plush#and taking it back to their house. it was fine and i got it back thankfully but like ???#stop touching my shit ??? stop breaking and stealing my shit ???#i just dont like people messing with my stuff. its hard to even pinpoint why. i just dont like it.#so seeing her do that to luz was so irritating. girl thats not your shit leave it alone !!!!! at least put it in storage ???#its one thing to steal someones life (im not judging that part /srs) but its like. at least respect their stuff dude...#<- i am literally the only mf who cares about this jfjsjd i keep wanting to say more but i think i sound. so weird so i wont
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
📓🖊♣️
#i think i'll try to do this bc ...honestly i cant vent freely anymore#for many reasons#i just am too emotionally weak and vulnerable to deal with a small handful albeit ppl who are mean to me#im too sensitive and fragile for it i cant do it#so even if i've tried this several times .. a separate vent blog.. i will try again#for my own peace of mind <3#plus.. venting has actually caused me so many issues w ppl and connection i've had ://#both on twitter and tumblr#and now part of why it got fucked up with him.. the loml.. was bc he got the wrong side of me#from all my miserable vent posts#i kept posting abt how 'nobody cares abt me' and then he felt like he didnt matter to me#bc i literally kept saying such things :(((#and tbh me venting publically is not worth it at all#it wasnt the only reason but part of it was that i said too much of that constantly#and bc of everything going on w him he just believed i didnt care abt him#fuckkkkk that makes me so sad and regretful but its done#i do kinda hate myself for that tho...#i need to learn how to not feel the need to constantly 'vent'#and learn how to just be ok w having these passing thought and feelings#and only vent when i really need to not every second#losing him... wasnt worth any of it#but ig just starting to not put it on my actual blog and keep it separate is a start#im weird abt what i do and such so it might seem like im overthinking#but i just need to be clear w myself and compartamentalize#and it helpd to tell myself that ill do this and then try to do it#instead of just thinking it#anyway idk#even if its too late with him i dont wanna risk more rude things said to me i just cant take it#and venting causes problems kinda always anyway#so learning to do it less and less is good
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
🍄🟫
#bc like.... :(((#when i 'confessed my feelings' (ew cringe 🤢🤮) the response wasnt a rejection#nor did i get to know anything abt his feelings. and it mostly just sounded like#it was bad timing not .. anything else which i dont know was the case bc .. no communication :((((#and then im like waiting and unable to bring it up bc then it's only met with more withdrawing (dont know words i dont care anymore)#so i was scared to mention anything.... but since i thought abt what he had said before and what i had said (ily i wanna work it out)#i genuinely thought i was just being patient. not that i was being played a fool 💀#so.. yeah thats why it hurts even more bc like now suddenly.. not even in a private convo bc i dont deserve that mercy or respect apparentl#i was slapped in the face out of nowhere with the fact that no i was not waiting i was being discarded#and all i dreamed of and thought and wanted and missed#was just all me. i was over here wanting to do everything and anything to make it real#all the while i wasnt even being thought of or was important or mattered#bc for me that was everything i've wanted and i genuinely understand why no one would ever want me i genuinely truly understand#but it wasnt just me like making up shit bc i went off of words and interactions etc etc#and like those two months were everything to me and i think abt it all the time and i miss it#but that was only important to me#and that is so so so fucking humiliating#to be told and not only think that it wasnt just me#but then ... like i dont know bc everyone tells u that you're just paranoid bc of your disorders#but its actually true. i cant trust anyone. u cant believe words. u cant believe anything anyone says#bc they can tell u you're like 'the only one -------' (i dont have to say everything but like that sentiment)#and then it's not actually true..... why does life suck so bad like#????? wtf im really not eqquiped for this world#bc im honest and genuine and earnest and i want to talk and communicate and try to understand and try to work things out#but nobody else does.. and this one is on me but it was also based on words said and not my imagination#i really thought this was different.... that he wasnt like this but yeah.......#is it that fkn weird that i never ever believe when anyone says they care abt me? bc nobody does and everyone ends up hurting me :p
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sent a risky text. Shaking
#it's to a friend from my hometown#she's beyond horrible at staying in touch and she knows and we've had arguments about this before i even moved out#now i've just been feeling like. it's a basic sign of caring for her to hit me up when she knows i'm back in town#and she hasnt. she doesnt. and idk i felt????? like i'm not important to her at all#for her to think i have this friend. she moved countries. she only comes back few times a year for two weeks each#there arent many opportunities for me to see her. so i would like to use the time she's back and find a day in those TWO WEEKS#but beyond that just hitting me fucking upppppppp when you know i'm back in town!!!!!!#fuck i dont need to be saying these things. isnt it a basic thing to do?#another friend does it! she texts me saying when i'll be back again so we can meet bc she misses me#she says she is really busy but she will find time to see me. and she fucking does#i dont believe that ''no time'' stupid ass excuse anymore. i make time. others i know make time#but yeah man wtf i dont want a friendship to feel like work man. why does she do this to me when i value her so much#otherwise it wouldnt hurt me like it does#nesi rants
6 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
