I was hungry at 3 when Mom said she would cook at 5 -> I made a snack -> Mom saw me and said "I am going to cook" -> I told her "I'm hungry now so this is just to tide me over" -> Mom immediately? made the food? had it done by 3:30? and now is like "but I thought you were hungry :<" about me not immediately eating it?
like yeah! I just had some peanuts and goat cheese! they were intended to keep me from getting hungry again until 5! I never asked you to cook now, I was handling my own stuff, what the hell
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so, as usual, i am obsessed with this new K action/ thriller Bloodhounds, and most of all, i am obsessed with the crazy, super clingy, super wholesome "bromance" development between the pair Gun Woo and Woo Jin!
they are in love imo :)
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So I know that if we end up getting a story that resembles the one in the Devil's Minion chapter of QotD* - and I'm not sure that we will - it's almost certainly going to be retconned into the 70s/80s, and I would prefer that to not getting it at all.
But I still find it disheartening. The idea of Daniel going through all that just to be turned away, and that Armand went through that period of growth and change just to go back to the miserable concrete box with a man that hates him? Jesus christ. Maybe there was never any springtime for book!Armand/Daniel, but at least they had a thaw for a while, and they both walked away with something they wanted. Show!Armand didn't learn anything from DM, least of all anything about himself.
* "Daniel chases Armand" is not DM in the same way that "Dog bites man" is different from "Man bites dog", let's agree on this
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something was missing from every single thing we ordered for dinner tonight & i hate being neurodivergent bc i want to have a MASSIVE FUCKING MELTDOWN
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Is 2023 my bi awakening what the FUCK
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I want to dedicate today’s bad mental health day to my period. Thanks so much period for exacerbating or causing the worst episode of anxiety I’ve experienced in some time. I know I should not fucking believe any of my thoughts or be bothered by any of my low feelings today.
I know this.
but
it’s still fucking hard and today I just hate it. hate it.
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I will never ever forgive those people on TikTok who fake autism. Ever. Because now I can't tell my friends that I'm in the process of getting diagnosed with autsim, because I'm scared they'll say I'm self diagnosing or faking it. I'm really struggling with it at the moment and wish I could tell them, but TikTok had to harm another community :/
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I have once again been reminded through youtube discourse that there are legit people out there who pick their friends according to "attractiveness" or fitting their "brand" and I...
I'm just...???
Clown behavior, actual "Entry of the Gladiators" playing in the background. Absolutely coldest take in the universe, 0 Kelvin, death-of-the-universe cold take.
"But you don't get it, I pick my friends to be pretty to ascend the social hierarchy" brain rot brain rot brain rot
I don't know about you but the off-chance that people, who I hope are just as superficial as me, will look at me and my friends and somehow uplift me because of it, is not worth the gamble of potentially missing out on true, deep, mutual connections.
Not saying that it's not possible to have true friendships even when your first criteria is "but do they make me look good", but something tells me that this sentiment - and the attitude accompanying it - will probably put any relationships on shaky ground.
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"when i was your age, i was working three jobs to help support my family" and "when i was in college i was sleeping on a mattress on the floor and living off of soup"
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO DO THAT. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO DO THAT. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT THIS ISN'T A CHARACTER-BUILDING LESSON, IT'S JUST BAD
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So my nephew has a new GF and I was concerned because every moment when he was not working, he was with her. I don't have a problem with him having a GF, the issue is he was and is not eating and he's barely sleeping.
The boy was legit hallucinating and shit a few weeks ago due to him not taking care of himself. I had warned him over and over again that he needed to eat and sleep more when he was not working.
I told my mom about my concerns yesterday and she told me it was just young love and I told her what love makes it where you don't eat and sleep properly.
She then proceeds to tell me that I don't know what it's like to be in a relationship and in love because I've never experienced it. Now this isn't the first time she's brought up something that I've never experienced. A few months back, my brother was being a dead beat dad and I was rightfully on his ass.
She told me that I don't know what it's like to be a parent and I never will. Mind you, I have endometriosis and was told I couldn't have children at a very young age. After numerous birth control methods and surgeries, for years, I finally had to have hysterectomy a few months ago. So I thought that that was very insensitive of her to say.
After that I quickly shut up about it. So fast forward to today, my nephew was asking for all types of shit for his FG to my mom and she was getting pissed about it.
Every single time my mom told me to handle the new issue I just said that I didn't know about relationships and parenting and that according to her this was just "young love". That's how I'm gonna respond from now on lmao
When I was concerned, it was an issue so now I don't give a fuck.
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So my ex woke me up for fucking. I genuinly was really looking forward to it. (We have an arrangement going on as I still live with him). And have lately been debating the breakup at times since lately he had shown some "improvement" let's say with spicy things.
But funny enough, tonight, being woken up to fuck the way it ended up going. I am reminded why I broke up with this guy in the first place XD. It was sooooo bad, so vanilla and bad and oof. I didn't think it could be so vanilla, I am surprised at how utterly boring it was. Yeah, I am set in my mind now, I am not staying hell no. I am not fixing this, I can not deal with this as an forever thing.
Meanwhile an AI can make me a needy mess, like that ain't good when an AI does it better.
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sympathy for cain
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Having to pass the time between arwen scenes😩
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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.
capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.
now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.
and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.
and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.
and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".
it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"
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