#fuck i dont need to be saying these things. isnt it a basic thing to do?
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i am being so brave trying so hard to hold back writing a rant about that 'minimizing narrative noise' comment on totk sage concept art bc its actively flying around in my head like the worlds most annoying fly
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#i have .... thigns to say...............#i need to wait until i get a look at the entire book#and cant go on rants on single comments#then again .... what else is in there .................#i am dreading this thing#like id rather know that there was trouble during development than having a dozen of shitty comments obviously trying to cover up-#-for something- this CANNOT be true#yes narrative noise is a thing that exists- but in THIS game????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#like you basically cut down the already boring plot into its bare essentials that isnt executed well either#and then add confusion and menaingless detailes like the sage helmets “”connecting“” the sonau to the shiekah#when rly it just makes it more confusing bc the hsiekah a prectically gone- the fuck kind of conenction is there#like THAT is what id call narrative noise- weird details that make no sense and arent important#also you cant make a character the equivilant of a blank box and then say 'we wanted them to feel powerful and scary' or sth#BC YOUD NEED TO MAKE THE CHARACTER ANYTHIGN -BUT- A BLANK BOX TO HAVE THEM BE INTIMIDATING#ALSO all the ancient stupid sages do is stand around repeating words like they are puppets- you dont see them fight ever#“intimitadtign” my ASS the useless little knife fake zelda throws at sonia from half a mile away and prob wouldnt even have gotten through-#-her hair is more intimidating than any of the blank box mc sages#youd think they learned their lesson when they made the botw champions DLC bc it fleshed their characters out more and added better-#-shrines BUT NO apparently that was a big mistake huh#maybe thats why every single character is reduced to one boring stereotype or a blank box of nothing in totk#having zelda be anything else but a swooing little damsel waiting for her prince was narrative noise needing to be removed HUH#writing team all fired or what- literally WHAT was going on in there
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mr spices and mr wines. also mr candles and mr veils.
have you ever seen that one tumblr post that's like. "i don't ship these characters i just think they belong in couples therapy together". yeah. that's pretty much my stance on most spacebat ships
#the hearts on the veils/candles bingo are broken bc. well. yknow#ask#i do have slightly different outlooks on both of them#spwines is basically just canon to me in a divorced way. like. i dont think they're romantic. but i Do think they're infinitely divorced#the spwines divorce is extremely real#soulmates that will find each other in every universe type shit. except the soulmates is being Exes™ in every universe#their constant bickering is amusing and im delighted everytime they show up together bc without fail they argue. and it's enrichment for me#i just know the scoundrel is involving herself in the spwines divorce war on the side of mr wines#(she really needs better things to do with her time)#fallen london#veils/candles on the other hand i dont really actively ship? i think it's an intriguing prospect#i like seeing interpretations of their dynamic#but i dont think they necessarily ever had a relationship like that. and if they ever did. well. it's a bit fucked up now isnt it#the tragedy of candles is definitely a lot more tragic if you interpret him and veils as being Close. but i think of it as extra spice#on top of an already delicious dish#yknow?#that being said. they're kind of on the same Extreme Divorced wavelength as spwines. albeit obviously in a VERY different way#i think the most karmically fitting fate for veils is being tormented by its sins (particularly towards candles) for all eternity#and like. that's a ship. in a way. of a sort.#veils alone with the corpse it lovingly handcrafted and left to rot at the bottom of a well#it's the classic disney villain ending where the antagonist gets literally dragged away and punished by their victims#which is all to say#that one bag a legend text where veils is speaking to someone you cant see and it's Afraid. that's delicious#i love it being tormented like that and we all should hold candles over its head forever and ever
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Suffering more than Jesus atm (being a fan of 80s/90s Suicide squad in 2024)
#god amanda waller what did they do to you....#i KNOW i never shut up about this but GUYS ITS SO BAD#fucking WHY would you take the interesting antihero protagonist and then strip her of any redeeming quality and use her as this horrific#unforgivable villain who is treated as a hated antagonist in her own comics#WHERE SHE ISNT EVEN THE MAIN CHARACTER MOST OF THE TIME#like why are you trying to make me sympathize with fucking harley quinn or smth when the actual main character is right there. why are we#turning her into this horrific villain w a million master plans making deals with the devil and shit.#we are supposed to like her. like maybe not all dc fans do because shes almost always an antagonist in other books but in her own shes the#main character!!! there should be some aspect of interest or sympathy for her. as opposed to just making her like badass or whatever#so sick of this#and its in freaking EVERYTHING right now on god i cant read other comics that are otherwise good (like ga) and enjoy them without the#obligatory intense demonification of one of my fave characters#like shes my no 6 in locg for a reason i genuinely love waller like yeah she sucks sometimes but shes INTERESTING.#this is not interesting or creative in any way what theyre doing with her#this genuinely could have been any government baddie like honestly#dont flatten 3 dimensional characters into 1 dimension (or at best like 1.5) to tell a story you tell the story around the 3d characters.#why do i need to say this. basic competent storytime#blah#amanda waller#istg i throw out another waller rant every freaking tuesday on here#suicide squad#you know what. at least we had the movie#you heard me. higher hopes for the new gunn dceu series than actual comics for the forseeable future#viola davis save me...#need to do a bit of 00s reading still to verify but on god watch this all come down to a fucking new 52 thing. like not to say that i think#thats where it all went wrong bc i need to read more to verify but i have an idea of what rlly did it and i think it was a nu52 decision#but then again maybe im stupid
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I’m thinking about how the Mechs use energy, because they do things and live and therefore they *must* use energy, that’s how physics (and biology) work.
I had the idea that they are always absolutely frigid to the touch because they suck in heat from the environment like an endothermic chemical reaction.
#the mechanisms#another crack idea#it would make the most sense for them to be able to run on multiple kinds of energy#and yes i know the actual answer is that they just do. its magic basically. but thats not fun for me.#what is fun is trying to figure this shit out#and if you disagree. thats fine. disregard my musings. but like. idk what to tell you. im autistic.#of course the way i enjoy the media is different than most people#i dont think its surprisjng that the way my autistic ass likes to interact with the mechs is to disect every little bit and try to fill-#holes in ways that make sense in our understanding of the universe and their world#like you could just say that in the universe that the mechs live in physics doesnt work the same and energy isnt needed#which is fucking insane#but you could. my question would then be how the physics does work and trying to figure that out.#i just wanna stick my fingies in the holes in the story like its a crochet blanket and make flex them around#thats whats fun for me. which means that its super frustrating when i pose these questions looking for people to play in thd space with me-#and they just get shut down with answer like ‘whatever serves the narrative’ or ‘the mechs are unreliable narrators’ or ‘jonny lies’#tbc unreliable narrators can be very fun. but its not fun when it stops the possibilities or the conversation.#its not fun when ‘unreliable narrator’ is the end.#i think other people may enjoy the freedom of just doing anything that that gives them (or ‘whatever serves the narrative’ does)#but i dont because im a scientist which means i want to figure things out which means there must be a framework#if anything could happen at any time then you can’t make a cohesive story.#and i coukd argue we know thats not the case since ivy predicts stuff based on likelihood#anyway i managed to go down a rabbit hole tangent of why apes and roundworms hybridizing is the most ridiculous ‘scientific’ answer ive-#seen in scifi. so if you’re interested in that. hmu
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i think the reframing of girls disliking pink and other stereotypically feminine things as internalized misogyny that you should overcome by the time you're an adult woman is an immense feminist loss
#retrospectively...#and like i say: brf slt#like when you think about it. the needing to overcome it. that's crazy?😭 because in the end what are you ACTUALLY encouraging#do i think a lot of girls reject pink at some point growing up in part because it's associated with girls and girls and by extension things#associated with girls are seen as inferior yes...but i think that's kind of a superficial analysis? like maybe it's not just bc we hate#being girls it might also be because liking pink and whatever else is FORCED upon us. and pink itself isnt a big issue its a harmless color#but when you apply that logic to other big things women are encouraged to do...i dont KNOW but SOMEHOW we've come right back to women being#encouraged to like pink and makeup because if they don't they're antifeminists and 'not a girl's girl'? 😭#i want you to know that as i'm writing this i'm wearing a skirt and tights with hearts on them i dont even have a vested interest in people#thinking stereotypically feminine things like stereotypically feminine clothes are like bad#but yeah when you think like that about pink it's kind of whatever because yes pink/blue is the simplest most basic gender dichotomy#but its not like theres anything actually wrong with the color pink. but when you extend that to things like say shaving and makeup things#that cost women time and money......if you think any critique of that is misogynistic because a lot of women do it/because its things#only women do (almost)...you just have a problem with not just critical thinking but with thinking in general. it's just...very frustrating#and i've thought like this in the past i think it's kind of a step when you're getting into feminism and going hm...this is kind of fucked#up...but i think it's still very superficial and i guess it makes sense that it has a lot of appeal Because it's superficial?#but it's like if you don't think anything needs to change and if you think women who aren't following gender norms as much and who aren't#interested in ''''''reclaiming''''' femininity (bc it's literally just doing what's asked of us 24/7 from birth) are misogynistic for#it...like it's actually crazy you do realize that at the end of the day you're saying you should promote/praise gender roles#and if you disagree you hate women#like at least acknowledge that liking makeup and shaving your legs isn't just about personal taste and liking how smooth legs feel when#in your bed it drives me crazy when people refuse to acknowledge that i remember in high school i told my sister like if you were on a#deserted island would you like heels and she was like yes i would :) and i was like NO we had this conversation for years then she had#sociology classes in high school and she was like okay i see what you mean...like yeah of course you do because i'm right#of course people who think like that are like its about respecting everyone's choices!!!! but they're also very much saying stereotypically#feminine things is the best choice and i think it's so insidious to be expected to get over your distaste (like that's literally just.#what's expected of girls/women in general. not liking things when you're a kid is frowned upon but you're expected to grow out of it and if#you dont then it becomes a real issue) and not being allowed to CRITIQUE IT from a feminist lens is literally crazy like it makes me unwell#they're like um only women wear dresses/skirts why are you implying that pants are more practical and advocating for women to be able to#wear pants do you perhaps hate women especially women who are brave enough to embrace their inner traditional femininity?
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life really fucking sucks right now
#teddy situation has undone probably a year of recovering haha i fuckig hate landlords#basically told us we need to get rid of ted because 'he is a liability'#THE DAY BEFOREBTHANKSGIVING#and i was expected to be chipper and happy at family dinner.#naw man. i havent really left the house because i wana spend time with ted hahahaha#he's going to live at my sister's place but still. i dont want him to have to go#selfharmed as in nearly scraped the skin off the entire back of my left hand#WAS HIT WITH 'I HONESTLY FIGURED/EXPECTED YOU TO (SELF HARM' LIKE DAMN HAHA#idk. i want to be hit by a fucking car. or anything else that will blast me away.#had another prospective friend end up being just a dumbfuck that wanted an easy lay#dad's been home all week#its just a lot man. and losing all that progress i worked hard for its another kick to the teeth#and its like. why should i go see my therapist again. im gonna tell her whats wrong. im gonna cry. she oretends to care. i come home#i just dont want to be here anymore. i dont. i keep hoping for things to get better because thats what im told to do and things get worse#i cannot live the rest of my life like this. im allowed to be selfish and say it isnt fair to me. and nobody should be stucj dealing with me#im not gonna have a happy ending like all my friends did. im gonna be lonely and suicidal until i finally get thr balls to just fucking doit#local idiot sad
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Sent a risky text. Shaking
#it's to a friend from my hometown#she's beyond horrible at staying in touch and she knows and we've had arguments about this before i even moved out#now i've just been feeling like. it's a basic sign of caring for her to hit me up when she knows i'm back in town#and she hasnt. she doesnt. and idk i felt????? like i'm not important to her at all#for her to think i have this friend. she moved countries. she only comes back few times a year for two weeks each#there arent many opportunities for me to see her. so i would like to use the time she's back and find a day in those TWO WEEKS#but beyond that just hitting me fucking upppppppp when you know i'm back in town!!!!!!#fuck i dont need to be saying these things. isnt it a basic thing to do?#another friend does it! she texts me saying when i'll be back again so we can meet bc she misses me#she says she is really busy but she will find time to see me. and she fucking does#i dont believe that ''no time'' stupid ass excuse anymore. i make time. others i know make time#but yeah man wtf i dont want a friendship to feel like work man. why does she do this to me when i value her so much#otherwise it wouldnt hurt me like it does#nesi rants
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whyyyyy do people think disordered eating is healthyyyyyyy i am going to explode myself soon i cannot live around these people any more my god
#i dont even want to say what all was said lol it's so fucked up#maybe I'll just go back to starving myself and becoming more underweight just to earn mothers approval (sarcasm)#actually u know what. even if i did that she'd probably get angry at me for it lmao she'd be pissed that I'd be losing weight when she isnt#I CANNOT TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS IM HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME#THESE PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING AWFUL#I WANT OUT OF HERE I REALLY DO#I dont know how to cope w this honestly#i keep trying to twist things to be tolerable but jesus fucking christ the ED is starting to rear its head again#theyre just so fucking mean and stupid and fatphobic and i have to spend so much time around them#its impossible to block out#i keep finding myself thinking i dont need to eat veggies bc ''theyre basically poison'' and im just ARRGHHH#GET OUT OF MY HEAD PLEASEEEE I DONT WANT TO BE THINKING LIKE THIS#idk how to cope w this bc i HAVE the science disproving them and I've spent time undoing fatphobia in my own brain#and my family just keeps setting back my progress bc it is impossible to block them out entirely#i want to crawl out of my skin and jump into a deep lake and never resurface#im so tired of this all and idk what to do. tearing my hair out a little bit#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#fatphobia tw#dieting tw#ed tw#ask to tag
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based on the dms i just got i am starting to believe the vote blue no matter who thing this time around is actually a psyop
#alexis.exe#i just got called a zionist sympathizer for saying i think genocide is bad.......#so like thats either an extremely stupid person#or theyre doing this on purpose#also for legal purposes im not accusing like any actual people of anything#i love (read: hate) how people are trying to drag everyone with even an ounce of morals#kicking and screaming into the far right#dont kill people isnt even radical or controversial statement its literally just basic morals#also @ dems yall NEED a better argument than 'but trump will be worse'#youre literally proving right now that dems literally dont even need to do anything even remotely reasonable ever#dems can literally do the exact same things that reps will do but less and yall will come screaming and crying#into unrelated random peoples dms#begging people to vote for them anyway bc they're not as bad as they could be#do you remember 4 years ago when the promise was#guys vote biden for damage control and then we'll make the democrats more progressive over time#genuinely astounding that someone decided to come into my dms and yell at me for saying its not insane to not want to vote for genocide joe#instead of like. trying to bully genocide joe into not funding genocide anymore#if all of you put your heads together and bullied him maybe he would have fucking stopped sending them#billions of dollars of funds and weapons by now. did you think about that. no the fuck you didnt
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#god. ok. so i should really b reading papers rn but my lab mate called me needy today and it just keeps cycling in my head#like ive spent way too much time around him bc of field work and the thing abt me is that i just say whatever tf is in my brain so hes#basically been exposed to a scattershot of anxious thoughts in my head idk wtf he must think of me but today he said#the more i learn abt u the more i realize ur needy in these v specific ways#and i think it bothers me a lot bc needy isnt the right word. im not needy. i dont plead for help. im just a semi non functional person.#i just lay here not dealing with all these problems i have. but i generally try just make it my own problem. im just a bit pathetic like#that. do i need help? maybe but im not like needy. im just semi nonfunctional and rather compulsive and controling over myself. i live in a#world full of invisible walls as dictated by my stupid brain. but its all internal control i can put up with a lot as long as i have ctrl#over myself. its not especially healthy but it makes me pretty easy going i suppose. ugh! needy! he obviously hit a nerve how annoying#whatever im exhausted bc i had to b a scribe all day and i had a phd meeting this morning. the project sounds v cool and apparently im the#most qualified person to approach them so far but idk itll be v competitive and do i really want a uk phd? idk idk#at least this guy conducted it like an actual interview. i was like fuck finally some structure! and he said i talk well lol thanks dude#so he thinks id do ok getting grilled by a pannel. idk i kinda wanna apply just to see how far id get into the process#unrelated#i was also having harrowing nightmares last night abt climbing mt everest. at least i got 8hrs sleep lol fml i leave for sampling again#tomorrow afternoon. this is what i get for trying to have even a tiny bit of a social life rip
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#have been an anxious lil piece of shit since my mother walked past/then in my room bc she smelled something-#this was yesterday btw .. first thing she said was 'u dont vape do u?' and i was like 'no' *queue john mulaney voice: like a liar*#ok well technically only on occasion like if i dont have w**d#anyway she steps into my room and starts fuckin sniffing around and goes 'it smells like .. weed 😐' and just looked at me and guys ..#i am the WORST but my mothers brother aka my gay uncle got kicked out when they were younger bc he smoked too and my mother has grown to#not be fond of it since . so BASICALLY i lightly gaslit her and was like 'mom. seriously ? 🙄'#bc we joke about it on occasion like she went to denver and came back with a fuckin pot that says 'a little pot from colorado' meant for#weed and in my head im like 😭 bro i could actually use this 😭#so thats how we joke but obviously for me its genuinely funny bc of the irony but anyway .#my anxiety was so high after that bc i literally had my pen on me and i just left the situation and started petting my dog and filled up my#waterbottle trying to think of what the fuck i was going to do next but that was literally the end of that#(at least for now but i dont even want to jinx it)#to be proactive tho bc newsflash i do smoke! i got smart as shit and wrapped my smell proof combo bag to make it look like a gift for my#my friends when i go back to school so she wont think anything of it#and then put my pen old battery and vape in a box hidden away so i can still access them if i need but god DAMN#i was def just being stupid tho bc i forget when im at home i cant be so lax and rip the shit out of my pen with my door closed and no fan#anymore like 😐 u dumb fuck i was smarter at 16 with this shit#anyway. its definitely on me and im just mad at myself for it and hope it doesnt come up again/that she isnt overly paranoid with me like i#am with myself rn#also just for some more background my mom and i have never been super close but im really close with my dad but i love with my mom ? so#after this semester not just bc of this situation but i might be like. ive never had a room at dads and id like to at least for summer#and go from there. they just moved and its so cozy and id love to make my room mine over there for once even if it means moving in for abit#but the one thing that would absolutely break my heart is that my dog lives with my mom and its not like i couldnt still see her but i feel#like id feel guilty/like im abandoning her or something :'(#idk if anyone read this far pls lmk ur thoughts#oh and i work right by my moms so its not like i couldnt still visit her but it would break my heart#kylas thoughts#drugs /
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the way people keep reacting to that tweet about the person who got overwhelmed trying to figure out how to boil an egg bugs me so much
like. if you know how to do something it seems ridiculous sure but you also hold all kinds of knowledge you wouldnt even think to share! its second nature to you, of course you know how high to fill the pot of course you know whether to set it to high or low and how much salt “a pinch” is and whether you should fill the pot with cold water or hot water and and and
if youve never been taught and youre sent off to live on your own there are so many questions you can have that would have been solved by being able to watch someone but if youve never had that opportunity they stack up!! and if you compound that with other shit like executive function issues or low funds? if you dont have the energy or money to waste failing its a lot easier and less frustrating to just Not Try
is that the Right option? i mean no, you cant learn that way but jesus have a little sympathy tutorials Do Not tell you everything and if youre on your ninth google search trying to follow a tutorial on one “basic” task sometimes sticking to what you Do know is just the best youve got
#i speak#when i was learning to crochet all of my stuff kept turning out Wrong and i couldnt figure out why#until i asked my mom to show me how she did it#and i was inserting the hook in the wrong spot#but none of the tutorials thought to explain where to insert the hook#because it was second nature!!!#but it isnt if youve never seen someone do it#anyway. i think instead of calling people lazy or saying theyre weaponizing learned helplessness or whatever#we should be figuring out better alternatives#we need some good Basic Skills resources#also if youre having issues with this kind of thing youtube can be helpful#again!! i was WATCHING youtube videos and still didnt figure it out when trying to crochet#so its not going to be a perfect substitute for learning from observing someone#but if people act like THIS when someone expresses distress trying to learn something they dont know#then how the fuck are they supposed to feel comfortable asking air quotes dumb or obvious questions#ive had multiple people ask me fucking mind blowing questions when learning something#and i get that your impulse is to be like what the fuck why would you need to ask that#but you HAVE to fight that impulse if you want someone to actually learn#anyway everyone learn a little compassion thanks
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I love drawing Aris as sif so much she's so cutsies. It almost makes up for the horrors of having to draw her as sif. Almost.
#rat rambles#eternal gales#stars posting#I will live in a state of not rly understanding everyone's hatred of lineart until I do sprite redraws#I get it now. this is hell#it doesnt help that I have to improv poses and expressions and stuff a thing that Im not good enough at style emulation to do well#I was going to try to do all of sifs battle portraits with aris but Im like 3 hours in and only done with 5 of them I am not strong enough#tbf in theory the rest after the first 7 shouldnt be as bad since I can just edit the first ones but I dont wannaaaaa#I Do have ideas tho. alas.#Ive just been thinking oh so hard abt her expressions throughout the acts#also abt her going through the horrors in general#for the first two acts she isnt smilely like sif is instead having a very determined look#but after that she becomes a lot more like. innitentive I guess?#basically imagine she's like completely stuck in her own head at that point and is barely processing the things around her#she also gets her only smile within this set being her buff/heal animation where she puts on a fake smile to try to meet her pretend#shes ok and paying attention quota#its not helping. its only making the others worry more.#I have the least ideas for act 5 but I think it'd be fun to maybe have her actually make eye contact with the camera for those?#shes looking off center for all her other ones so I think itd help set the tone of oh god fucked up shit is happening#also she tends to mask more when stressed so.#in general its just very fun thinking abt the ways aris would handle things differently than sif#for one she doesnt have as many side quests where she gets nosy and regrets it due to a mix of her being so fixated on solving the loops#and her just generally being bad at reading most ppl leading her to not rly noticing or caring abt stuff that sif would#mainly she doesnt get the confession side quest despite sier still trying every loop because she didn't rly realize how important it was to#sier and just sorta assumed it was not that important in the grand scheme of things#but she Does have a similar side quest with mase where she gets to have a self hatred spiral <3#in the house shed sometimes catch mase secretly pick some stuff up when shes not looking and if she asks at the end hed say that he was#going to make something but didnt get everything he needed. this leads aris to assume itd be some tool or weapon or smth like the bomb#so if she went around and found all the spots where he collects stuff in one loop shed be able to ask again and he'd reveal he wanted to#make matching bracelets for everyone. and aris would get frustrated and upset and then freak out because she got mad and spiral
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#also god bless my friend who pointed out that im moving up and im going to be in a salon soon and will actually be doing something good with#my life vs the friend who did me this way pretending shes still in high school that freaks out and loses all her friends every 6 months#i wish it didnt bother me. and i know in 2 months im going to have brushed it off and move on like i always do when bad shit happens#but for the wound being fresh this shit just fucking sucks i hate it i hate it i hate it#i made a very very very vague post on reddit just asking for advice#and the more popular reply was someone more on my side who basically said i should tell her to go fuck herself pretty much#and the second one was someone who v obviously did not actually read the post who said it was all fluff and basically defended her even#when in my post i am saying i defended myself while still listening to the shit she says#and i fucking hate reddit bc people are so.....quick to be hateful and judge#and i knew to expect people being hateful but god DAMN like you yourself are basically saying theres not enough info (yes there was) and you#still are quicker to assume im in the wrong#meanwhile everyone who knows her is like bitch we told you to not forgive her last time and now look where you are#and i am not a perfect person i have flaws the same way everyone else does. literally everyone has said and done shit they regret#and i have fucked her over before because she lost her fucking mind on a campus manager and an educator and she told me to find my own ride#home because i didnt defend her losing her shit and screaming at everyone and ended up having to write an incident report (so did the other#girls who watched it happen so nOT just me) anyways now she uses that as an excuse for treating me like fucking trash because she finally#found out about the god damn incident report which made it so now anyone can say i said anything and she just believes it#its such a fucking joke to me because like ????? girl if we were in opposite positions you would have filled out the fuckin report too#granted it was a handwritten letter and not a report but it was basically the exact same thing as an incident report#my bad that a year ago i wrote a letter saying i was scared you know where i live and that youre mentally unstable. funny how a year later i#feel the same way all over again! except i dont because im not scared of her anymore shes a fucking theater kid who needs to get a grip#i cant wait to look at my self tag again in 2 years and be like DAMN REMEMBER WHEN THAT HAPPENED#every single person who knows her that isnt friends with her (i am basically refusing to text her friends bc i dont even want to know)#keeps telling me i didnt do anything wrong and ive given her too many chances and she fucks me each time#i just wish she would go get help bro there is something so wrong with her#self
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every day i feel myself becoming a little more pretentious and i HATE MYSELF for it
#my ass is literally writing a whole thing abt how our political system is fucked#and that the things we consider political arent actually#...bc most of these things are basically life and death#if politics is governing a body (as in population(s))#but one of the ways to govern said group is actively making it harder for the majority to live let alone succeed financially/personally/etc#but i feel SO PRETENTIOUS for saying all this#rlly fucking feel like one of those mfers going 'but what even is reality' like shut me the fuck up#but also... am i wrong#and why isnt this the position people take more often#when some legislation or what have you is statistically actually KILLING PEOPLE#why is it still an issue of politics#bc i feel like also the idea of something being political makes it so easy for people to bow out#like 'oh yeah i dont really mess with politics its too complicated'#like stfu?? these are people's lives??#why do you only care about yourself??#so maybe its not that 'nothing is political anymore' but rather that politics needs to be destigmitized#like girl i get that maybe you think that seeing homeless people on the streets ruins your aesthetic (SARCASM) but those are people's lives#why are we ok with not only ignoring them but actively making their lives WORSE#and that's only one of the hundreds of issues???#like we did not agree for our (i say not a tax payer) tax dollars to be spent on bombs for israel#tbh did not agree to use them for bombs in general!!#like if i could say 'here is where i want my tax dollars to go' then that would be so great??#granted i literally know nothing about anything but like#how is it that our schools are underfunded and people are in crazy amounts of college debt but we can drop billions of dollars on military#aid#like make it make sense#and why is that a political issue#like at this point we're even politicizing people's mfing BODIES#HOW IS MY BODY A FUCKING POLITICAL ISSUE#cause thats what it really boils down to
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Had a really good day with my mom and it's nice to be rebuilding a relationship with her so im really happy about that. On the other hand tho, I feel like i'm boiling with rage at my dad and my sister
#vark posts#its so strange having these two emotions at the same time#idk if this makes sense but its like the happiness is in my head and the rage is in my chest#my dad and my sister invited me to the ren fair awhile back and i texted them today saying i got the schedule and cant go cause i have work#i asked if they could reschedule and they basically immediately said no with no offered alternative or apology or literally anything#theyre just fine going without me and dont really care if im there or not#my dad even went so far as to try and make me feel like a dumbass#like go fuck urself#just whatever man#im gonna try to focus on the positives#i had a really good day with my mom and she helped me get an adhd checklist from my doctor so i might finally get diagnosed#we had dinner together and she bought me groceries and we talked about a lot of deep things#im going to the ren fair with her instead#i was already gonna go i just was gonna go twice so i could hang with both her and my dad and my sister#ill be fine this isnt anything im not used to and im still lookin forward to the ren fair with my mom!!#and this sunday im having a whole day hang out with my roommates so thatll be super fun!!#i just need to remember to focus on the ppl that actually care about me ya know?
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