#I feel like we would've had a chance to learn more about him as a person in c3

[bunnyreaper]

the price we pay

kinktober 10 - fuck machine

dom!ghost x sub!reader x sub!soap

(18+/mdni, fuck machine, cuckolding vibes, bondage, degradation, negotiated kink, anal)

Belonging to Simon Riley brought with it a litany of mysteries, both large and small—it's a privilege and a burden you and Johnny both willingly signed up for. 

Simon was always the first (and often only) one to know things in your relationships—plans, observations, feelings, they'd all sit inside his head for weeks or months, waiting for the perfect opportunity to come out. Over time, you've learned to spot the signs of a brewing plan or ruminating thought. This one you picked up on fairly quickly, having made a game of it with Simon. 

Simon sits across from you, lonely on the loveseat as you lounge on the couch, lost in his phone with a focused squint. It's nothing unusual, the two of you spending time together peacefully coexisting in silence—but you sense something amiss.

"You're planning something." You whisper, eyes glued to him as he taps at something on his screen. 

He pauses, gaze connecting with yours as he stares you down, resolute with a slight smirk on his face. "Yeah, and?" 

"How long now?" You ask.

"3 weeks." 

"I'm getting faster, Simon!" You punch the air in victory, kicking and flailing your legs in a delighted little dance that makes your lover smile. "Okay, continue, I won't ask any more questions." You giggle as you bite your lip and turn your attention back to the TV, willing yourself to not think about the surprise. 

So you weren't caught completely unaware when one day an oversized, nondescript box was delivered to the door. Johnny's away on an assignment without you both, meaning whatever it is could only belong to Simon, and likely part of whatever he's been working on over the past several weeks. 

Johnny went away aware something was coming, but not knowing what—because unlike Johnny, Simon could keep a secret from his lovers. You've been resorting to unfair tactics with Simon, waiting until he's in his blissed-out, post fuck state to probe him gently. 

You lay draped across Simon, both of you completely bare as you cuddle up—his hot cum still oozing out of you. 

Now's your chance, you think. Simon's always more relaxed post-sex, and you're not going to ask too much. 

Threading your fingers up to his hair, you stroke his scalp and smile as his eyes slip shut. "Is it a gift?" 

"I suppose." He whispers, eyes cracking open as he eyes you wearily, you can see the cogs turning as he debates giving you an inch, and worrying you'll take a mile.

You study him intently, wondering if you can chance another. "For me?" 

"For all of us." He reaches to your chin, tilting it as he leans in for a breath-stealing kiss that silences any further inquiries. "Now that's enough." 

You nod, beyond satisfied as you snuggle back into Simon's chest and try to temper your excitement.

The package arriving perfectly in time for the day Johnny gets home from his mission is very suspicious. 

You'd both spent the afternoon cuddling Johnny on the couch before Simon disappeared upstairs with his box and ordered you both to stay out of the bedroom until he allowed you in. Johnny had probed you for what you knew, as he tried to come up with ideas for what it could be. 

"Mebbes it's a puppy, I'd like tha'" Johnny comments idly as he plays with your hair, stroking through it as he snuggles up behind you.

You giggle, but shake your head, not convinced by that theory. "I'd hope he wouldn't keep a puppy in the box for that long, plus surely it would've made a noise by now." 

"Hmm." Johnny hums. "King size weighted blanket?" 

Simon's eyes had lit up when you had mentioned it in the past. "Ooh, one we can all snuggle under." You wriggle back into Johnny, imagining the comfort of being cuddled up with your boys and blessed with the extra weight. Then again, you didn't really need a weighted blanket when you had them.

You hear Simon's footsteps as he starts to come back downstairs, and you turn over to shush Johnny with a kiss. "Quiet, don't get us in trouble." 

"Aye, lass." 

After an afternoon of soft closeness and conversation, the three of you would usually take this time to head to the bedroom and fuck the missing parties' brain's out, to catch them up on everything they've missed—but the atmosphere is so different, knowing whatever Simon has been planning is just waiting for you upstairs. 

When Simon nods in the direction of the stairs, you both obediently rush to your feet, heading upstairs as he leads the way. 

"Johnny, be a good boy and go take a shower for me." Simon's voice is a stern command as he reaches the landing and stops Johnny from entering the bedroom. "I'll come and get you when I need you, yeah?" 

"Yes, sir." Johnny nods, his eyes widening as they connect with yours. 

Separating the two of you isn't a good sign for what's to come, and your stomach flips with fear as you're led into the bedroom wordlessly.

"Simon?" You ask, voice hesitant he starts to grab some of the items he's prepared. The whispered name doesn't get a response, so you try again. "...Sir?" 

Simon stops dead in his tracks, turning to you with that expression, the one that tells you his slipping into his dom mindset—head whirring with his plans, with considerations for all of your safety and welcome, and with anticipation for what's to come. "On the bed, now. Clothes off." 

You freeze for a moment, swallowing thickly before you rush to throw up every garment you're wearing—they're hastily discarded on the floor, only to be collected and folded when Simon hits you with a stern look. 

Once you're bare, you lay on the bed, uncertain of what's to come and yet trusting in the other man completely. 

Simon repositions you as he wants you, turning you over on your stomach before pulling up your ass into the air.

The large object at the foot of the bed covered by the sheet hasn't escaped your attention. "What's that?" 

Simon follows your gaze, to the covered mound. Silently, he pulls away the covering to reveal the contraption underneath. 

A fucking machine.

"Wow, fuck. What are you planning?" You gasp, already squirming in anticipation.

Simon steals your focus, turning your head back into the bed. "You'll see." 

His hands run over your naked behind, trailing down your legs before he gets to work gently attaching a spreader bar to your ankles—preparing you to be able to take the dildo attached to the machine. When he's done securing your ankles, he gets to work on securing your wrists together so you're truly helpless. 

You squirm as you feel the lube drip onto your exposed holes, his finger working the slick into your pucker and preparing you. Your head spins, as you begin to anticipate the machine fucking your ass, until you feel the cold metal of a plug and Simon's hand holding your rear. He works slowly, opening you up on a finger or two until he can get the plug inside.  With that done, he leans over, close to your head. 

"Love you." He mumbles as he presses a kiss to the top of your head. "Safeword?" 

"Red." You confirm, relishing in the feeling of being so safe with your boyfriend and dominant. "Love you too, Si."

"Good girl." 

He gives you a once-over, checking everything is in place, before he moves away. Next, he gets to work on moving the machine, you can just see in your peripheral as you crane your neck that he's moving things around—and then you feel the tip poke at your entrance, positioned so carefully so as to not truly enter you.

"Fuck." You shiver with anticipation, trying to wiggle back onto it only to be met with strong hands stilling your hips. 

You're already so needy, you're barely able to think of how the evening might unfold or what this will all lead to. Right now, you just want relief.  "Are you gonna turn it on?" 

"Not yet." 

You crane your neck to watch as Simon leaves the room, leaving you exposed and anticipating. 

The conversation between him and Johnny in the bathroom is muffled, barely audible over the blood pumping in your ears. 

When they make it to the room, Johnny is being led by Simon, due to the silk wrapped around his eyes. Simon lays him face down on the bed next to you, pulling off his towel and leaving him exposed alongside you. Johnny's already rock hard in anticipation, his cock rubbing against the mattress.

"Why's he blindfolded?" You ask, brain trying to piece together what is happening, what Simon has in store.

Upon hearing your voice, Johnny's hand twitches, wanting to reach out to touch you but knowing instinctively he isn't allowed. Were it not for the blindfold, the two of you would at least be able to share meaningful looks.

"For the surprise." Simon mumbles, as he starts to gather lengths of rope to tie Johnny up with—by the looks of it, your boyfriend was going to be bound head to toe beside you. 

"Oh, so I shouldn't ruin it?" You giggle, teasing Simon with the fact you could disobey and give the game away before he's ready. 

Your words are met with a scoff, and you watch Simon scowl as he pauses. "Not unless you want to trade places with him." 

As Simon gets to work tying Johnny's arms and legs, you realise very quickly that the last thing you want is to trade places with Johnny—at least you're seemingly in more of a position to get pleasure tonight, whereas it seems Johnny might get denied. You also realise that when the blindfold comes off, Johnny's going to be fucking furious. 

"Am getting tied up, ooh." Johnny coos, his tone playful as his lips curl into a smirk. 

You watch, fascinated, as Simon works deftly, securing the black rope over every inch of Johnny's gorgeous body. 

"If it helps, Johnny, I'm a little restrained too—ow!" You don't get to finish your sentence, as Simon cuts you off with a sharp spank. 

"What did I say?" He growls, attention turning to you for a moment to fix you with a steely glare. 

You pout, but bite your tongue from giving any further hints—you know what's good for you, after all. "Sorry, I won't give anything away, sir. Promise." Hopefully, the groveling will keep you in Simon's good books. 

"Yeah, could still be anything." Johnny comments, conspiring with you to keep you out of trouble—bless him. You had a feeling the two of you won't be so allied in a few minutes. 

It becomes clearer to you with each second that this setup is one of Simon's games to play you against one another, and tonight you're the lucky one, rather than the punished. Of course, it's all only temporary, and in the spirit of everyone's enjoyment—outside of the bedroom, you all try your hardest to never create imbalances between you.

"Jokes on us, he's gonna tie us both up and leave us in here, so he can get some peace, Johnny." You joke, trying to keep the mood fairly light.

"'m getting close to it." Simon is back to grumbling, as he finishes up his binds on Johnny's limbs. "Safeword?" 

"Red." Johnny confirms, his expression turning more serious. 

Simon presses a kiss to his forehead before he gets to work on undoing the blindfold."Love you." 

"Love you—" Johnny's words are cut off as his eyes flicker open, and he takes a second to crane his neck around to take in the scene beside him. "—bastard." 

"Don't like what you see, Johnny?" Simon chuckles, low and full of mischief, as he walks toward the bottom of the bed, standing near the machine that is so close to working its way inside you. 

"Fuck you." Johnny snarls, his eyes looking angered and desperate as he meets your gaze. He is, as you expected, furious.

And you hate that his reaction makes you leak—he wants you so bad, and he's being denied, completely at Simon's mercy. 

You want to get fucked so bad, whether it's by Johnny or the machine or Simon, you don't care. But tonight, you know the only thing getting stuffed in your cunt is the dildo on the fuck machine. "Please, sir, please turn it on." The words rush out of your mouth before you can stop them, need coursing through your body.

There's a low growl from both men before Simon speaks first. "Tell Johnny how much you want it." His words are accompanied by him adjusting the dildo at your entrance, getting ready to grant your wish.

Johnny's eyes soften when you look to him, but the fury within is still evident. You hope he sees the softness in your eyes too, hope he can see how helpless you are right now under Simon's spell that is making you complicit.

"Johnny, want it so bad... fuck." You wiggle once more, trying to get any kind of relief. Johnny grits his teeth through the next part. "Tell him to turn it on for me, please."

Another growl from Johnny as he thrashes against the mattress, unable to really do anything at all. "These fucking ropes, as soon as I get—" 

His sentence is interrupted by your moan, loud and uninhibited as the dildo breaches you, working itself in at a tortuously slow rhythm.

Simon is messing with the controls in your peripheral. "How's that?" 

"Slow." You whine, desperate for more already. The machine picks up its pace, fucking into you more steadily as it strokes against your insides. "T-thank you." 

Simon makes his way back to the side of the bed, standing behind Johnny as he taunts the man with his touch, stroking his face delicately as if to subdue and tame a wild animal.

"Is it better than him?" Simon asks, leaning into your field of vision.

You look up at him, mind hazy and unsure what response he wants. Does he want you to humiliate Johnny for him? Is he going to make you say you prefer the machine just to exert his power and control?

Simon senses your hesitation, your need for guidance in this moment, and his hand comes to stroke your face, much like he is already doing with Johnny. "Just looking for the truth, pet."

Your eyes flicker back to Johnny's, noticing the way they shine with something other than anger—fear and humiliation, as he waits for your response. Poor, sweet Johnny, already being broken down into submission by Simon. 

"... No." You whisper truthfully, gaze fixed on Johnny, so you can catch his relief. 

Simon tuts, walking back to the controls to turn them up as if to try and change your mind. "Shame."

The machine's pace increases, ramming the dildo into your cunt faster and faster and forcing the moans out from your pretty little mouth.

Johnny turns ferocious once again. "Yer not seriously gonna leave me here while a machine fucks ma girl instead of me?!" He pleads, desperate and mad and so confused, and yet still working his hips into the mattress for relief. 

"Your girl?" Simon snarls, returning to tug at the roots of Johnny's hair until his head is floating off the bed. 

Johnny swallows, winces at the sensation, and attempts to correct himself. "Our girl." 

Simon throws his head down with little regard, as if he's disgusted to even have touched your other boyfriend.

"My girl." His voice is all growl, threatening and territorial as he crawls onto the bed, ignoring Johnny and his need in favour of yours. "Here's how this is gonna go, Johnny. You're gonna be a good boy and stay there." 

You hear the cap of the lube open, and slick sounds as Simon lubes up his cock—both you and Johnny are breathless in anticipation. 

Simon's fingers then work the plug out of you, and you know exactly what is coming next. You're about to get double penetrated, while Johnny lays there and watches, powerless to stop it. He's wanted both men to take you at once for so long, only to be denied. 

Now it was going to happen without him. 

You feel Simon nudge his cock at your pucker, spreading around the lube there and chuckling at Johnny's livid reaction.

"You're gonna stay there, and me this machine are gonna fuck her better than you ever could."  

[misc-obeyme]

Lesson 37 spoilers below - it's screenshot heavy again because OH BOY we had a lot going on this time too. I took almost 100 screenshots lol. But don't worry, I narrowed it down... uh but there are still a lot so I apologize for that.

I do believe I said in my last post that if they were going to go full Dante, they would bury Lucifer in ice.

I only said that because I WAS NOT EXPECTING THEM TO GO FULL DANTE.

Now listen, it's been a long time since I've read the Divine Comedy, so there may be a lot more references that I am missing. I can tell you that the four circles or sections or whatever that Simeon named for us are from Dante. That right there is straight from Dante's Inferno, along with their names and who they're supposed to punish. I don't really feel like any of this has much relevance except that they used it as a backdrop and to create reasons for us to lose most of the people who came to help us as we went.

And truly the lore was fascinating in general, but there are a couple of specific pieces about this that made me go EXCUSE YOU.

It's the Celestial Realm again, guys. Cocytus is part of their domain. And the last area is for those who betrayed "him" as they so eloquently put it lol. Both Mammon and Lucifer are considered traitors in this regard, but I kind of suspect that if the rest of the bros made it to that level, they would've had a similar experience.

Anyway, I was pissed. I was like Diavolo in the hard lesson.

Right, so let's talk Mephistopheles. I'm not familiar enough with the legend of Faust or its variations to know if the way they described his special power is based on that. However, I highly suspect it is at least somewhat inspired by it. Considering making a deal with the devil is what that story is all about.

But aside from all that - I LOVE HIM OH NO.

WHAT. This guy... all this time I thought he was really stuck up. And like I kinda get it, considering how he was supposed to be Diavolo's right hand man and everything. But he's straight up saying that he underestimated them. He seems to have no problem saying yeah, turns out I was wrong and you guys impressed me. So don't go around giving up now. AND he says they learned it from Lucifer? Like... he gets them. He understands them. And I was not expecting that at all. He keeps surprising me and I'm loving it.

Welcome to my life, Mephi.

It's pointless to resist.

I'm telling you, this is just how it always goes.

BUT OH! I'm not gonna lie, this made me feel something. All the brothers usually say such nice things to me, but this guy is basically like ARE YOU STUPID? And I love it?!?!? Augh I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance before, sir.

Okay, now let's talk Solomon being the hot old grandpa that he is. I SWEAR every time he shows up lately it's been making me more insane about him.

WE SUMMONED HIM. We needed him in Cocytus and he wasn't there, so we straight up SUMMONED HIM. We couldn't do it without Mammon giving us his power 'cause our magic is weak, but STILL!?!?

I think Simeon referred to it as teleporting, but really it was the same as summoning him. I think the words were even the summoning spell words.

If this was actually me we were talking about, I would start doing it ALL THE TIME. Consider yourself on call, old man.

And then we got this excellent exchange:

Not only am I always here for big bro Mammon getting protective, but Solomon bringing it right back was also great.

Okay, now let's talk about Raphael and Simeon.

Do you think we're dealing with Michael disguised as Raphael again? For some reason I don't think so, but... at this point, it's like how do you tell? I'm going to talk about it with the assumption that it's actually Raphael and not Michael.

Simeon during this part gave me chills. Because when Raphael showed up and spoke the punishment or whatever and Luke was about to protest, Simeon silenced him. Simeon wouldn't let Luke protest because he knew that wouldn't be good for our baby boy. Simeon was prepared to take the fall instead. And he wasn't about to just let things stand.

I can't accept it. I swear, Simeon's character is far more complex than anyone gives him credit for. He doesn't get anywhere near the amount of appreciation he deserves. I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT IT.

Right, but back to Raphael.

Baby. He's crying. He was just delivering the ultimatum, the decision about the brothers' punishment, and he was crying. I was so surprised, it was so soft and sad and I wanted to hug him. And look at Simeon's frown. AND THEN

EVEN LUCIFER. This man is chained up in some ice and he still sees how Raphael is struggling and feels sorry for him. (Like maybe he's been there before himself...)

This is why I think it really is Raphael. Because this feels like such a significant revelation of his character, I think it'd be a disservice to him if we found out later it wasn't him at all. So I'm hoping it's still him.

Now. Let's talk about Diavolo. I'm pretty sure this was in the hard lesson, so be aware of that!

He is so pissed. I don't think I've ever seen Diavolo quite like this. Worried, sometimes serious, but angry? Like to the point where he thinks he might lose control? I don't think that's happened, has it?

AND BARB. His reaction is so interesting! At first he has this look of surprise, but then LOOK AT THAT SMILE. Here's Dia being like, I need you to stop me, but you can't tell me that smile on Barb's face belongs to anyone who's going to stop anyone. He looks like he's looking forward to it. I love him so much it's stupid. (Also I think Barbatos is just as much of a menace as Solomon is, he's just better at hiding it. Where do you think Sol gets it from??)

And of course the lesson ended with Lucifer BREAKING THROUGH HIS CHAINS. Ugh another cliffhanger.

In general, I really loved the brotherly affection that was running amok in this chapter. They were annoying each other and protecting each other and sacrificing for each other and it was all amazing. They banded together because they care so much about Lucifer, there's no way they would leave him to his fate.

And once again, the Celestial Realm is to blame. I think it makes sense that they're doing this. Before, they said that the seven brothers assuming positions of power in the Devildom meant that the power balance between the Devildom and the Celestial Realm was out of whack. That's why they wanted the brothers back. But the brothers wouldn't come back.

And while the Celestial Realm threatened war, they didn't do that, either.

Do you think perhaps the Celestial Realm collaborated with the House of Lords to get Lucifer trapped in Cocytus? The House of Lords controlled the train where everything went down. The Celestial Realm controls Cocytus. They probably knew that Lucifer's brothers would try to rescue him and counted on them getting trapped in the ice, too.

But perhaps they weren't expecting any interference from Mephisto or Simeon. They had to be expecting MC, I would think. Maybe they underestimated MC because they're human? And maybe they thought Diavolo would just accept it? (If so they are duuuuumb lol.)

Okay just a couple more screenshots because they made me laugh.

PLEASE. I love their dynamic SO MUCH.

Hmm. Is that a threat, Barb? 'Cause uh... you can casually threaten me with that slight smile any time I MEAN yeah, you tell 'em.

I cackled about what do you mean "ahaha" like I can't believe Levi actually said that out loud lol.

Cheer up, Belphie. Let Asmo live the otome dream, won't you?

Okay, okay, I'm done. Overall, I quite enjoyed this chapter, but I'm still sensing more drama, probably until the end of the season, honestly.

You think Nightbringer will make an appearance before it's over? It's almost like I forgot this whole new app was made to tell a story about him. He's just been mostly MIA. UNLESS someone else has been him in disguise all along...

Nope. No. I refuse to get into theorizing, this post is already too long.

[megistusdiary]

We know Scara is rough but-

What if its readers first time? Would he be gentle?

(I actuallt requeated this before but i tought you might have overlooked it because it has been a while i requested. If u saw it and deleted it please ignore this 😊)

hey! i think i remember seeing it but my inbox is so full- i think i have about 65 ish requests rn ;w; they built up over time and i do not think i will ever get through all of them ☹️

however, lately i have been in a scara mood so i will be writing this one 🤞 it is really long because i have been in the mood to write more dialogue and plot lately :)

i know you are all probably tired of the really long stories with minimal smut but i guess it's a side effect of me being mushy in the brain.

i firmly believe scaramouche is an asshat, but i think if you were really vulnerable he would take pity mostly because it reminds him of his past and feeling vulnerable 👎👎

also, i think if he was to take a partner, it would need to be someone strong asf who can stand up and challenge him. he would honestly be smug if he thought he could teach you something.

warnings: dom!scaramouche and sub!fem anatomy/gender neutral pronouns reader

sweet and sour scaramouche, degradation/praise, he calls you 'human,' fingering/penetration (sub!receiving),

scaramouche stared at the pot of stew boiling over the fire. he occasionally reached over to add spices and stir the liquid with the wooden spoon, flames reflecting off of his deep blue irises.

he watched the soup with blank, dead eyes, brain long gone and focused on other matters. particularly what had occurred earlier that afternoon.

the two of you had your usual sparring match, you fought for a bit, he pushed, you pushed back, and it all ended with him on top, of course. naturally, even the strongest of fighters didn't stand a chance against a being made to exist as a puppet for the raiden shogun.

however, this time, something was different. there was a certain tension between the two of you.

now, scaramouche was not ignorant on the pleasures and desires of flesh. though he had not felt anything similar to this in many years. he had experience, though he knew he was out of practice in some ways.

so it surprised him when you landed on top of him, chests pressed together, your noses touching. he could feel your heart beating rapidly against his chest, and the ghost of a heartbeat in his own-

he immediately had shoved you off of him, hearing you gasp when you rolled over. "go shower and get changed, i'm going to cook dinner."

that was another thing he had never done before...cook for anyone.

perhaps it was a shock to find out that scaramouche knew how to cook in the first place. he claimed to have learned by himself, but you both knew that he must have picked recipes up from his time as a traveling puppet.

but none of this mattered to scaramouche, only your peculiar reaction to being on his chest. he could see the way your eyes went comically wide. he was sure if he hadn't pushed you off first, you would've scrambled to get up yourself.

but why? was he that undesirable?

scaramouche suddenly jumped when he realized his hand was resting on the burning pot, cursing the archons themselves when he cradled his hand to his chest.

damn you for distracting him. he knew it would be best to dispose of you, but he couldn't bring himself to no matter how many times he walked this path.

when it finally came time to serve the stew, you were already there, taking the ladle and filling up your bowls to the top, carefully walking them to the dinner table. he never thought he would live any type of domestic life, and it perplexed him how he ended up in this situation in the first place.

dinner was quiet, as per usual, though him clearing his throat put you on edge.

"about our sparring match today," he began, making you tense up as you avoided his gaze. "you were slacking off, like always. i can tell." he scoffed, sipping the stew.

"do you want me to learn to hurt you?" there was a slightly teasing lilt to your voice that made scaramouche grunt.

"you could at least give me a challenge." he leaned back in the chair, stirring his bowl. "though, i must say you did catch me by surprise at the end."

he watched you duck your head, face heating up as you cleared your throat. "i...apologize for that. i didn't mean to end up, uh, on top of you."

scaramouche narrowed his eyes at you. "why do you look so shameful?"

you looked up at him this time, lips pressed together tightly as you dropped your soup spoon into your bowl. "because i didn't mean to offend you. if i have, please, don't beat around the bush. tell me so i-"

"i am only asking because you act like you've never touched a man before."

you coughed, immediately reaching for your water before scaramouche snatched it away from you.

"no more distractions. tell me why that is. does my touch or form displease you, human?"

your brows furrowed. what was he on??

"what are you talking about?"

"answer me." he barked, clearly upset.

you couldn't tell him the truth, you just couldn't. it was difficult enough to live with him knowing he hated you. this would surely make him get rid of you.

"i- i can't." you told him, dropping your head once more as you forced yourself to stay neutral.

"and why is that?"

"because you would hate me-" scaramouche opened his mouth, though you paid no mind, "more than you already do."

scaramouche pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. "i never said i hated you. humans get on my nerves, i don't typically like your kind." he leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling. "but i suppose i make an exception for you."

you stared up at him, wide eyed, lips parted as you struggled to collect yourself. "you- well, i-" you couldn't seem to find the right words, brain failing to communicate with scaramouche. "so you're not mad at me?"

"no." he confirmed curtly as you nodded. "but i would still like to know, indulge me, what was with that terrified little human act?"

"i did not want to offend you by being so close. i know you despise physical touch."

scaramouche sighed. "you know, it would be so much easier if you didn't lie to me. i can hear your leg bouncing beneath the table."

you immediately froze at his comment, willing your body to sit still. you felt yourself tremble under his gaze.

and so, you were finally caught.

how long had he known? how did he feel about it? what if he-

"tell me the truth."

you suddenly stood up, slamming your hands on the table. you were running on pure adrenaline, ignoring the shocked look he gave you. "if you want to hear it so bad, then fine. i like you, and when i fell on you i was nervous that you would reject me like you did. there, are you happy now? kick me out, get rid of me, do what you wish. i can't live lying to myself anymore."

your energy fizzled out towards the end as you stood rigid, fists clenched. scaramouche slowly rose from the table, stalking towards you and gripping your chin. "how endearing." he cooed, pulling you towards him. he swiped a thumb over your bottom lip, shaking his head and muttering to himself.

he watched you rub your thighs together shyly, staring up at him surprised as he scoffed. "oh, please, if you want something from me, you'll have to ask me the correct way."

he was expecting something from you. but you struggled to produce as you suddenly grew meek. "scaramouche, i don't- i mean, i just..." you grew quiet, wishing desperately to bury your head in the sand as he frowned.

then it hit him.

"you've never done this before, have you?" he asked as you shook your head just twice, not wanting to stare up at him any longer. he sighed deeply, carefully taking one of your hands. "if i am to be the one to deflower you, i won't be cruel." he watched your anxiety slowly dissipate. "but that does not mean i will treat you like glass." he warned.

"i want you, scaramouche. can you please teach me?"

scaramouche seemed to be pleased by your soft voice, obliging and tugging you behind him towards his private quarters. his grip was tight, though not as much as what you assumed some of his subordinates felt when they disobeyed.

once he closed the door behind you, he tugged you towards the bed, urging you to sit down. "you do know how to please yourself, yes? i hear you every night. the walls are thin." your neck felt like it was on fire as you covered your cheeks.

"yes, i know how-"

"then we will start there. disrobe."

you followed his orders, carefully removing your clothing until you were left in the thin tank top and shorts beneath your robes. scaramouche narrowed his eyes.

"i said disrobe, not leave everything on."

"but..." you curled up on the bed as he sighed, standing up and removing his own clothes. "wait-" you squeaked, embarrassed as he went as far as his undergarments.

"my form has purpose, i am not ashamed of it. never show shame for your body, be grateful you have one." he huffed, adjusting his hair.

once you finally undressed, he adjusted you in his lap, spreading your legs and staring down at your most sensitive areas. he held up two fingers in front of your mouth expectantly, feeling you slowly part your lips as he shoved the digits past them.

he rubbed his fingers over your tongue, coating them in saliva until he deemed it fit, pulling them away and swiping them across your slit. you squirmed a bit, feeling him hold you steady as he worked you up.

you leaned against his shoulders as he tried to remember exactly how to pleasure a human being. it had been quite some time since he found himself in this predicament.

he opted to focus on stretching you out, collecting your slick and easing a finger into your hole. you gripped his wrist reflexively, eyes widening at the intrusion. "it feels weird."

he rolled his eyes. "it will be fine. just relax, don't tighten up so much. breathe." he warned you, feeling you try to lean back against him, keeping your legs spread as he allowed you to adjust to the digit inside of you before attempting to add another.

the second he started spreading his fingers out, you jumped, not used to the sensation. "stay still." he snapped, holding you down more firmly as he fucked his fingers into you.

he heard your whines increase in volume as he crooked his fingers, slightly changing the angle that they slid into you at. he could feel you trembling against his form, taking shaky breaths as he slid his thumb up to brush over your clit.

unintelligible mumbles fell from your lips as you plead for him to keep going, begging for more until he suddenly pulled away. your eyes filled with tears of frustration until he quieted you. "stop whining. this is supposed to be a humanly act of love, no? not just an outlet for release." he chastised as you pouted in his lap.

he rearranged your body, moving you to face him on his lap. he carefully removed his final piece of clothing, revealing himself to you and allowing his cock to bob up against his stomach. he stroked himself a few times using your residual wetness as a type of lubricant.

he picked you up with inhuman strength, hovering you over his dick as you shivered, feeling the head rub over your hole.

you bit your lip, nervous as he looked up at your glassy-eyed expression. "i won't lie to you, it will be uncomfortable. but as i said earlier, i am not cruel, nor am i ignorant. this is supposed to be done for human connection and pleasure."

and with that, he eased himself into you, groaning deeply as you gasped, fingers seeking purchase on his shoulders as you shivered. he filled you up perfectly, stretching you out and making you feel a fullness you never had before.

though you couldn't deny it was still painful, and it felt like you were ripping apart at the seams internally. you wanted equally to escape and chase the feeling, stuck in his iron grip.

as soon as he was seated entirely inside of you, he let you lean on his chest, smoothing his hand down your back. he shushed you, allowing you to adjust and relax. you were squeezing him so tightly, seemingly confused by the sensations as he sighed, pulling your chin up.

"i am sorry it hurts like this. i do not wish to taint your idea of sexual pleasure." scaramouche explained, gently placing his lips to your forehead, feeling you lean into him.

though he had seen you cry, experience defeat, be cut, bruised, scraped, sick to your stomach, and soaked in rain, he hadn't seen you this vulnerable before.

it almost reminded him of a certain someone many, many years ago.

"let me take care of you, just breathe."

[antianakin]

Pong Krell. It’s universally agreed that he deserved worse than what he got and I get that. I just wished we got to see what he was like before he Fell. Did he always hate clones, was it gradual? Did he suspect something off and went over paranoid?

I’ll say this one and I’ll say this probably a thousand more times but I wished the creators focused on more details with characters. It’s absolutely fascinating that they created a Jedi that Fell but did nothing with it besides outright evil.

How other Jedi reacted to learning that a fellow Jedi betrayed everyone? How did the Republic?

I just wished they did more with him than just, yeah that dude was a dick and killed clones.

Yeah, it's one of the things I don't like as much about TCW, the extremely episodic nature of it means that there really is never any build-up to anything or lasting impact from anything. Unless it's happening within one of the 2-4 episode arcs, we RARELY get to see any kind of build-up or fallout. It's one of the major issues with Barriss, too, we see her ONCE in season 2 and she's calm, kind, methodical, and selfless. And then three seasons later in season 5 she's suddenly ruthless, selfish, doubting everything and everyone, merciless, etc. There is NO BUILD UP to that radical 180 to her character and there's no real exploration of how Ahsoka really feels about that particular betrayal afterwards, the focus in later episodes after the Wrong Jedi focuses only on Ahsoka feeling betrayed by the COUNCIL and her feelings about that. Nothing since TCW has ever touched it either (Rebels, Mandalorian, the Ahsoka show). Satine's death never really comes up again after it happens aside from Bo-Katan being an asshole. Obi-Wan goes from being totally fucked up about Maul coming back to being chill enough to take on Maul and Savage alone and winning without us getting to see him actually deal with those emotions.

Pong Krell and the Umbara arc IN GENERAL falls into this category easily (so do the Zyggeria and the Deception arc tbh). Krell is such a basic evil character, there's so little nuance to him and we never get to see the Jedi react to the revelation that one of their own turned at all. Dooku turned after he had already left the Order as far as any of them really know, but Krell was still IN the Order when he decided to betray them and it would've been really interesting to see the impact of that on them. It would've been ESPECIALLY interesting to explore that more during the Wrong Jedi arc in particular in how the Jedi feel like they can't trust their own people not to betray them anymore after Dooku and Krell.

Krell is presented with like. Zero nuance. He is just unequivocally evil and despite Anakin greeting him in a friendly way at the beginning, the visuals tell you this dude's no good right from his first appearance. There isn't really any chance that he's going to be a good guy at all. So all we are left with are headcanons.

And I remember discussing my Krell headcanons somewhere, but I think it might've been on a Discord server I've since left, so I unfortunately cannot find them again. So I'll try to remember them and immortalize them here, I guess.

Here's the thing about Krell. NO ONE suspects him. So he cannot be overtly acting like a bigoted asshole from the jump at any point, he HAS to be acting in such a way that it's not trickling out to the other clones and to the Jedi themselves that Krell is an absolute monster. Even Fives takes a moment to decide that Krell is suspicious and only brings up Krell's casualty numbers after he sees Krell's behavior for a minute and combines that knowledge with what he's now personally experiencing and is starting to come to conclusions based on that. He doesn't go into the relationship thinking Krell is worse than any other Jedi already.

And based on what we know of EVERY OTHER FALLEN JEDI (Dooku, Anakin, Barriss), they didn't start out as monsters. Dooku was a highly respected Jedi Master who seems to have had a really positive relationship with Yoda and Qui-Gon and simply became disillusioned with the Senate and his care for the people of the galaxy got twisted into something darker over time. Barriss was kind, selfless, compassionate, brave, and resourceful, and it was the war that caused her to start letting her fears and pain consume her into turning on the Jedi. Anakin was kind and spent years having his fears and doubts twisted into selfishness and greed and darkness that allowed him to justify murder and genocide for power. So it wouldn't make sense to me that Pong Krell wouldn't fall into the same pattern where he was once kind and good and selfless and brave, but that the circumstances surrounding the war caused him to lose faith and fall.

My headcanon is that he lost an entire battalion early in the war, much like we see happen to Plo Koon during the Malevolence arc and that that loss and failure just BROKE him. Krell DID care about the clones, he cared about his men, and he FAILED them all. And I think that he saw all of these clones dying by the dozens in all of the other battalions and instead of choosing to let go of his pain and fear and lean into his compassion, he chose to distance himself from them entirely to make it hurt less. If he didn't care about the clones, if he just saw them as the cannon fodder that the Senate treated them all as, then it would hurt less when they died. Maybe the Senate itself even dragged him over the coals for that initial loss. Or perhaps it was the opposite, maybe most of his battalion was killed, but it ultimately ended in a victory anyway because they were forced to just keep going despite the consequences. And so Krell decides to enter this mindset where he is disillusioned with the Senate and just CANNOT allow himself to care about the clones, because it won't change what the Senate is going to do to them anyway, so he may as well just treat them the same way.

And this wouldn't have happened overnight. It wouldn't have been a sudden 180 where he decided he was just going to treat them like shit. But he maybe decided to put some more professional distance between himself and his new battalion, not get close to them, not use their names (although he still knows them, still remembers them all). Maybe one day they're in a tricky situation and all of his options are bad, he HAS to sacrifice some of his men in order to salvage the situation at all, and it's a choice between a full retreat that he KNOWS the Senate won't take well, or sacrificing the men to achieve the victory. So he sacrifices the men. It's not an entire battalion, it's not even a whole company, but it's more than it would've been if he'd retreated. Maybe next time, there's a choice between going back to save some of the men even if it poses a risk to his own life or the mission or something, and he chooses not to go back for them because the mission is more important, or he rationalizes that his life is more important as the Jedi General. And it's just more and more little decisions like that that add up over time to being able to see the clones as nothing more than tools.

The disillusionment with the Senate leads to him sort-of agreeing with things Dooku and the Separatists have said and he can look at the war and realize that it's entirely possible that the Republic is going to LOSE, and he CANNOT be the one who loses again, so maybe he starts bouncing around the concept of maybe switching sides. And of course initially he rejects the idea. He's a Jedi, he won't just abandon the Republic, he can't be a traitor, who in the Separatist side would ever trust him anyway. But once that seed is planted, it doesn't go away and it keeps coming back up and he keeps finding ways to rationalize why it might be a good idea and then deciding not to do it over and over again. Until one day, he can't convince himself that it's a bad idea or that it wouldn't work. He tells himself it's the ONLY option, if he doesn't change sides then he's dead. But Dooku WON'T trust him unless he can prove that he's not on the Republic's side, so he has to come up with a plan to gain their trust. And what better way to earn that trust than to ensure a Separatist victory in an important campaign by double-crossing the Republic.

And once he's chosen to go down that path, it's even EASIER to stop caring about the clones because, well, they're all dead anyway. The Republic is going to lose, the clones are all dead men walking no matter what, so why bother caring about them or trying to keep them alive? He can't lose so often that the Jedi or the Senate become suspicious of him, of course, but it's REALLY easy then to get to Umbara and treat the clones like crap and turn them against each other and intentionally try to get them all killed. They're dead anyway, he's not the one killing them really, is he, the Senate is, the Jedi are, the war is. They were dead from the moment they were created in that test tube because they were created for this specific purpose. It's not his fault.

And much like Barriss turns against the Jedi in part because she did LOVE the Jedi and was devastated by what she saw happening to them and the pain of seeing her people forced to become something they were never supposed to be, as much as her actions were intended as some kind of message to try to sort-of save the Jedi from a course of action she saw as their downfall, I think that Krell turns on the clones because at some point he DID care about them. A lot. And that care became his downfall, the pain at what was being done to them just absolutely gutted him and it threw him down a path that ultimately led him to turn against the very people whose deaths had hurt him so badly just a few short years ago.

Krell might not have been the most effusive or emotional person prior to the war or anything, he might've been a more reserved person similar to Mace or Dooku or Luminara, but I think he probably was a perfectly good Jedi who was kind and selfless and compassionate once upon a time.

And none of the headcanons above have even touched what his relationships with other JEDI must have been like. It's just as possible that he did have friends and people he considered family among the Jedi. Maybe he had a padawan once at some point. And maybe all of those people had died by the time we get to Umbara. Maybe he had to watch a lot of the people he was closest to just fall like flies, and so it starts feeling like nothing matters. Maybe one of the Jedi who died on Geonosis was a former padawan of his, but Krell himself obviously wasn't there and the pain of THAT loss and the guilt he feels at not having been there (even though this padawan had been knighted for a while and there was a good reason Krell wasn't there that day) just sticks with him, too, and he never quite manages to let that go, either.

I think a lot of people choose to just headcanon Krell as having just always been kind-of an asshole even when he was a Jedi, but that doesn't work for me. If Krell was always an asshole, I feel like the Jedi would've stepped in at some point before the war even HAPPENED and tried to manage that situation. And it doesn't match up with the way pretty much every other fallen Jedi has ever been written, where they were GOOD PEOPLE once upon a time who saw awful things happen that they couldn't stop or had an awful thing happen TO them that they couldn't stop and the pain of that experience consumes them to the point that they spiral into darkness as a result. Krell should be the same way, which means he likely was a perfectly good normal Jedi before the war. He would've been kind, he might've been good with younglings (he's tall, maybe he was the one the younglings went to all the time for piggy back rides, maybe he often taught dual wielding to padawans who asked because of how clearly proficient he is at it), he might've taught a student of his own successfully, he would've been wise and selfless and compassionate, he would've loved the Jedi and the people of the galaxy.

Like, to be frank, if Tales of the Jedi HAD to explore a fallen Jedi story, they should've explored Krell instead of Dooku. Dooku has been explored before, we know quite a lot about him and his motivations and his backstory, but Krell, as you noted, is left a mystery and is stuck in the realm of being just purely evil for the sake of the story they were telling in this one arc. Krell needed more nuance in a way Dooku just did not.

[tarjapearce]

Bad Teachings (Pt. 8)

Older!Miguel O'Hara x Reader

WARNINGS: Slow Burn, Relationship Building, Mild squeeze of jealousy, daily snippets of life, strained parental relationship, gossips, awkward truths, friendly bickering, a little instrospection on main characters.

Summary: Rekindling things lead to new and unexpected discoveries.

Absolute thanks to my beta reader <;3 @oharasmommymilkers00

Comments and reblogs are highly appreciated c: Masterlist Pt. 9

"So, how's it going? When did you return?"

Manicured hands clasped together, inviting Simon to keep talking. After your little impromptu reunion, you had texted him the next day, and between little jokes and mild flirting, Simon asked you on a date.

Let's catch up and see where it goes.

He had stayed the same since college. Ever straightforward and head-on with his words.

Even though the small restaurant bustled with people, you could still hear each other.

"Been alright. I was back a couple of weeks ago. I have been wandering the city to see any changes, but nah. The same. Can't say the same about you."

Your eyebrow arched at his words, which he quickly tried to explain.

"Not in a bad way! I swear! It just... took me by surprise seeing you so different. All I can remember is you wearing hoodies, jeans, or sweatpants."

Chuckling, you took a sip of your drink and pursed your lips.

"Had to get my glow up one way or another."

"What I'm trying to say is that you look fantastic."

"Thank you, Si. You look great as well."

And he did. Both of you had changed for the better. He used to be that average exchange student that was more remarkable for people making fun of his accent between lighthearted jokes and a bit of a chubber.

Simon was tall, but if it came to compare heights, he'd reach Miguel by the shoulders. He had to crane his neck up to meet his eyes. And now that he had been gone for nearly three years to pursue his dream of finishing his career abroad, he had changed physically.

Earning looks from the people as he walked by. He was handsome. But the goofiness and soft-spoken person he was remained the same.

Your glasses clinked as both of you enjoyed the talk.

His eyes remained fixed on your face with a guilty smile "I am sorry, though. For leaving so suddenly."

Your eyes widened softly at his words but quickly dismissed them.

"Are you kidding me? I would've done the same if I had a chance to study abroad with a scholarship, too. Don't feel guilty about it."

"I want to make things right and avoid any misunderstanding between us. Or for you to think I escaped from you."

You couldn't help but laugh and cover your mouth to tone it down.

"You say so like it was so bad and toxic!"

It was his turn to giggle.

"It was."

You gasped as he laughed while taking your hand.

"I'm joking, of course. I had fun those four months."

"Even though we barely had time in between classes?"

"Yes. I was so glad when we had to take that class together with... Miss Lyla, I think?"

"Oh! Office Automation. Yeah. Man, she was such a good teacher."

"She was unhinged."

You had to hold back an ugly snort as your cheeks reddened in laughter.

"She was. But I owe my job to her and Mi-... Mr. O'Hara." You swallowed, "That's what I do daily."

"I'm surprised you know Mr. O'Hara after all these years."

You've got no idea.

Your brow quirked nervously, and he leaned in towards you.

"Like, I heard so much about him back then, but I didn't know who he was, and when he introduced himself when I found you, it clicked. Didn't know he was that guy."

"That guy? What do you mean?"

Simon cleared his throat.

"I know this is an old story, but a couple of days before my dropout, I heard Miss Lyla and him were hooking up."

You blinked as little waves of confusion washed over you at this information. Even though Miguel had told you about his little affairs here and there, you didn't expect it to be with one of your favorite teachers.

"The things you learn. Like for real?"

"Yeah. I mean, both hooked a couple of times before he called it off, but don't believe me. The source was a girl that had a massive crush on him."

A little glint in your eyes shone as he mentioned Miguel stopping it.

"It makes so much sense now! She was one of the few teachers, along with Mrs. Drew, that you could see him being comfortable around enough to be more talkative."

You spoke, and he shrugged.

"I wouldn't know for real. I quit before the semester ended, and I never took classes with him remember? But damn, gossip was a thing."

"He was brutal."

"Oh, I bet. Mr. O’Hara looks quite intimidating. You passed?."

You laughed humorlessly

"I nearly fail. But I pushed through. He was demanding, but yeah."

"Right. College aside, are you still... y'know, living with your parents?"

"Oh no, no. I moved out. Mostly to be near my job."

"Great. I just moved in with my roommate as well. Nice guy, gives me his leftover pizza."

Both giggled and mocked at the silliness of the situation. It brought you back to times when you'd be holed up in the library, either talking or sharing quick kisses between studying sessions when you had the time to do so.

But right now, catching up with him felt good. Your social circle expanded in baby steps, which made you feel like a blooming social butterfly.

Simon's hand took yours to squeeze it softly with a charming smile.

"Wanna go for a walk?"

"Sure."

---

As days went by, your work grew more interesting. The new Bossman, Julius, was strict enough to make most of your coworkers work for real.

You had a couple of photoshoots redone since his eyes were as critical as his mouth. But you had not only learned. But apply those tricks to your arts and hobbies.

The knitting had improved despite the need to buy more supplies soon, but finally, you got the garter stitch right. And as predictable as it was, you'd get started with a scarf. So far, it looked decent, and the wools Hobie sold you seemed perfect for the task.

As you created a mental note to tell Hobie to save you some colors in your next paycheck your phone buzzed. Miguel's name on your screen gave your chest a little irregular thump upon remembering the conversation with Simon. It seemed like the perfect timing.

"Huh-lo?"

You could hear him laughing on the other line

"It's Aló, not huh-lo."

"I'm trying!"

He chuckled "Try harder 'cause that was awful."

"Teach me then." You rolled your eyes, and there was a silence as he gulped involuntarily.

"Are you sure?"

"You were already a teacher, so yeah. You want me to understand it, right? Then teach me."

His grip on his phone tightened as he sighed, asking for strength from the heavens.

"I will. Promise."

"Good. Anyways, is everything ok?"

There was a slight shuffling on his side of the call before the sound of a dragged chair made you scrunch your nose at the sudden noise.

"Yeah. Sorry for that, deep cleaning day."

"Oh? Cool. Want me to make you a Playlist for your cleaning days?"

His rich, deep laugh sent you chuckling, and your skin crawled.

"No, thanks. Though, music is a good way to start learning a language."

"Aye, sir. Any artist you recommend?"

He chuckled

"Might do get you a playlist for simple things. It's a good start."

"Why, thank you. Mr. O'Hara."

He groaned in annoyance, and you giggled. If you’d had any idea of how much he hated when you called him like that, he was sure you’d stop. Even if it was just to annoy him. It made him feel old.

"I appreciate it though. I always wanted to learn another language."

"How's the French going?"

It was your turn to groan. A 'How's Simon doing' would be the most accurate translation of it.

"Not so good. My tongue gets twisted. Might do ask Simon directly as well."

There was more shuffling on your line as you got the Bluetooth earbuds and linked them to continue your closet and makeup cleaning as you were on the call.

The silence stretched for a solid minute until you spoke again.

"Hello? Are you still there?

"Yeah, I was getting some coffee."

His tone was soft.

"Jesus, stop drinking that much coffee." You shook your head with a disapproving look you were sure he’d just laugh off. "Anyways, I wanna ask you something. And I need you to be honest."

"Why do I feel you're about to ask something ridiculous or unhinged?"

You laughed

"Up to you to decide if it is. Did you hook up with Miss Lyla?"

He burned his tongue at your sudden question with the coffee, truly surprised you’d ask such things.

"Oh... That." He cleared his throat, "I did. Just twice, though. Why?"

Your eyes widened as your mouth clammed up for a moment. As uncomfortable as it was, Miguel didn’t lie. After all, he had told you about these things in your first outing together.

"Was it before... or after me?" 

Clearly. you remembered the conversation like a lucid dream. 

Desperate times.

"Before. Why are we discussing this? More importantly, who told you this?"

You swallowed and sighed. His voice was a bit on the edge.

"Old stories I recently heard. And Simon did. Our date was full of old stories. I'm so glad he didn't take classes with you."

His eyes drooped in boredom upon you saying the word date. Of course, you’d have a date with him. It was natural to return to what one knew. He thought you were less naive than that but would watch it unfold from afar. He’d never miss a chance to say “I told you so”. 

The satisfaction of being right about his intuition was a pleasure he enjoyed terribly.

"Bien pinche chismoso" (Such a freaking tattletale)

He grumbled after taking a sip of his bitter coffee

"Uh, what?"

"Nothing. I assume you dated him?"

You threw a couple of old eyeshadow palettes in the trash.

"Yeah, just for four months before he went back to France to finish his career there."

"How cute.”

“You’re just being mean. Don’t you trust my judgment?”

“ I don't trust Simon."

You laughed again, but his face remained serious

"Ah, C'mon. Why?"

"I was young too, guapa. Guys his age are up to no good."

You folded a couple of skirts as your lips pouted.

"I appreciate your concern regarding this. But seriously, Simon hasn't changed that much. He's the same goofy ass from college days."

He scoffed nonchalantly "Are you sure of it? People change. And sometimes is not precisely for the good."

You smiled at his words.

"Well, thanks for the support. Means alot. But I'll be fine."

You heard him sigh

"Right."

"And you're not that old."

He snorted as he put the half cup of coffee on the table

"I'm forty-two, guapa. I say I'm old enough to have my fair share of life wisdom. And that guy is certainly hiding something."

"I'm not arguing against that. You look like you have gone through a bit more stuff."

"Are you calling me a mess?"

Again, you laughed. The sound made him smile.

"My my, so sensitive!. I say you look mature enough. Even though I know maturity isn't linked directly with age, your way of carrying yourself about things makes you a reliable and trustworthy friend. I like that."

His eyes widened a bit at your words

"Didn't know you were into older guys."

"Yup. I mean, you guys know what you want. Or at least most of you do. And that's good cause I don't like teaching younger people what they want. I'm not a rehab center." Your lips pursed, "I like learning."

He gulped and wet his lips with his tongue.

"But yeah, anyways, thanks for calling. Always good to hear you."

"Likewise, guapa. Take care.""Bye, Miguel."

The call ended, and you smiled. Miguel on the other hand, rubbed his face as he pondered at your words.

You liked learning. That was certain. Either academically or in life. But you did. And he liked that too.

-----

— Hello Sweetheart

Dad's number had popped out on your screen, but Hobie's rambling snapped his attention back to you.

You returned home from work a couple of hours early and Mrs. Brown invited you over for a cup of tea.

The apartment smelled like a mix of spices and herbs, along with a touch of vanilla cigarettes. The apartment had two bedrooms, the kitchen was bigger than yours just like the living room area.

Your apartment was the smallest on the floor. Everyone had a two or three-bedroom lease, but for you, a one-bedroom accommodated just fine.

Mrs. Brown was gentle but didn't doubt voicing her concerns and opinions with such delicacy and refinement one would think she'd be complimenting you. No wonder Hobie or  Hobart, a little giggle from you when she called him that when he arrived from work carried himself the way he did.

She was supportive and loving. The only authority I wouldn't rebel against said the tattoo artist as you accompanied him into getting his weekly grocery shopping.

His van had been in repair, and now he wasn't sure if he’d get any news anytime soon.

                     Hey, Dad. How are you? —

Hobie took a look at your piercings and approved your current care. You had also told him about the wools, even paid him ahead, which he used to pay for the groceries.

—Missing you, darling. Are you alright?

The question had you smiling softly. He was always so caring and worried about you. When you first told him you'd move out, he was glad. Congratulated you even, au contraire of your mom who started complaining almost immediately.

"Birdie?"

"Hm?

Your eyes left your phone screen to look at him.

"You good? Kinda spaced out there."

You nodded.

"Yeah, just talking with my dad."

"They want you to visit?"

You nodded with an annoyed groan.

Not that you disliked your parents. Their relationship with you was strained as it was.

"Hard upbringing?"

"More like... Not really there- sort of upbringing."

Hobie put the groceries in the back seat of your Cooper and sat on the passenger seat.

"Yikes."

You shrugged. Not dwelling on the past trauma wound that remained ever fresh. You drove back to the apartment building.

"Sorry to hear that. Seems like people  have kids to fill their inner voids."

"Right?! But man, saying that out loud is sure a social death sentence."

"Hypocrisy at its finest. Society is always changing, most of the time is never for good reasons."

You nodded but snorted softly.

"Whut?"

"Nothing, It's funny when we talk like phylosophers on weed."

Hobie chuckled and relaxed into his seat.

"You know? I owe you an apology."

"Whatever for?"

You stopped at a red light and looked at him.

"My mother... she said some comments I didn't like when she came up for a visit a couple of days ago."

"And why do you apologize on her behalf?"

I'm good. A bit busy with work as usual, but I was planning on calling you—

"No, I apologize 'cause it wasn't nice."

You mumbled as you typed in your screen.

"Why are you assuming other's wrongdoings as yours? And in all honesty, I couldn't care less what people think of me. Specially corporate slaves."

The light turned green and you drove again.

"I don't know. Just..."

"Apologize when you are the one at fault, birdie. The rest is irrelevant. Thanks for the warning tho’."

—Yeah, your mom told me that you still have things packed up and that you're not ready yet to live alone.

—Wanna talk about it?

If only his passiveness wouldn't be so dragging to the point of always ending up siding with your mother in little matters that only added more weight to the already full bag of terribly handled emotions. He'd be your favorite.

You parked in the building and helped Hobie to carry the shops. Mrs. Brown made you both a delicious English breakfast for dinner. They didn't believe in consistency, if Mrs. Brown wanted something, she made it. And her cooking was good, especially in the pudding making.

You hadn't looked at the screen yet, so blissfully ignorant to not care for a bit.

Hobie then kept boasting about how it was bad for people to keep assuming other's fault. He told his mom about it, and she just agreed. They had this strong bond you had stopped longing for a long time ago. It was easier for you to see smells and taste colors than to keep a healthy relationship with your parents.

—Honey?

But of course, you dreaded so many things. Even though the upbringing seemed the perfect chance to toughen your mind, angry confrontations weren't your thing. Cause in a hypothetical perfect world, everyone is emotionally intelligent enough to know how to express and regulate their feelings.

But neither the world nor your life were perfect.

You went to your apartment and finally took a look at the messages. Anger boiled in your head, and as usual, you'd have to explain yourself.

You were tired of it.

I would appreciate it if you'd stop believing everything Mom says.

The message was clear, but you deleted it last second as you snapped a quick video and sent it to him instead.

Do you see any boxes on the floor? —

It sounded way too curt and petty than you intended to, but maybe that way he'd start getting his criterion in check.

—No, I'm sorry. When are you coming for a visit?

When you stop taking sides

Again, the message was deleted. Being passive-aggressive with them wouldn't help either. Sighing, you typed once more.

Next weekend, but I will stay Saturday night only. I use Sundays for prepping for the week :) —

Not even Judas was so disingenuous as that emoji at the end.

—Oh gotcha, gotcha. Still, would be wonderful to have you over.

Please don't tell Mom. I want it to be a surprise. —

More like, I don't want her to be all nagging and harassing my inbox with her pretentious texts.

Your mind chanted

—Of course. Love you

Hopefully, she will be out on a business trip and you'll be enjoying with your dad.

Love you too, dad —

It was going to be draining and difficult. But you’d push through. You always did. 

You had to. 

-----

Taglist:

@jkthinkstoomuch @queenofroses22 @katitakenway @amylasagna @rositabluemoon @lyrasdrawer @plumplumpurin @damhanallagorm @chibiiichann @incustellar @taeecups @vonev @kinkybandages @ittybxttykxttytxtty @del-ightfulling @tatatida

[mirai-e-jump]

Hero Vision Vol.43 (2012/Winter) ft. Kamen Rider OOO Cast Members Watanabe Shu & Miura Ryosuke Memorial Trip (translations below)

Publication: March 7, 2012

-Silent Relationship-

Miura: In the year and a half since I first met Shu, the more I got to know him, the more I liked him.

Watanabe: In what ways?

Miura: Shu's been an actor for 3 years, right? Just as anything can be mastered after 3 years, I think you're at the stage where you've established your "base."

Watanabe: During that time, I was able to work on "Kamen Rider OOO," something I had always dreamed of doing, and, I was also able to meet Ryon-kun

Miura: Shu was grateful for everything and didn't take anything for granted, so he was able to establish a proper base. It's become his strength, and now he can go anywhere and do anything. If we want to learn from our mistakes, we make them, if we want to succeed, we make it happen. He's only 20 years old, so he's got alot of potential. I've been an actor for 10 years, and I'm at the point where I'm thinking, "What should I be doing from now on?" There are many people who say that if you can't do something, you're not allowed to do it. At the 10 year turning point, I was able to be apart of OOO, a work that I could really devote myself to. I realized that because I had the opportunity to meet Shu, who had so much potential, I had the chance to reflect on myself.

Watanabe: I've noticed alot of things from Ryon-kun too. Ryon-kun must've been thinking alot about how to make Ankh a "beloved monster," and how to express "Ryosuke Miura" himself in his photobooks. Never wasting any energy or time. The clothes, makeup, facial expressions, and movements all convey the desire to create a theme or concept, and then accomplishing it. That's why I used to get so angry during the filming of OOO. Especially when the makeup artist didn't arrive at the right time or there was a delay on set.

Miura: There were many times when I'd "freeze" the scene with a single word I said…..But, that was because I thought, "This isn't the way work should be done," or "This isn't the way the workplace should be."

Watanabe: Yeah, I want to learn from Ryon-kun's professionalism. That's how I was taught to be aware in the field, with a straight forward attitude to straighten things out. Ryon-kun has his own principles, and he wants to make sure that they're properly carried out, right?

Miura: I don't like being taken advantage of like I used to. I don't want people to think, "This is good enough for a young actor." Shu and I would never suck up to someone in a higher position. That's not what we're about, we want to make ourselves recognized by growing on the set. That's why I didn't have any unnecessary conversations with Shu or anyone else before a real take. Being an actor is job where you have to keep fighting with yourself, and there are many times where you'll feel lonely. There are some sites where the cast members act casual in order to make up for it, but I don't like that.

Watanabe: When Ryon-kun was on standby, there was a sense of tension that spread through the set. I could hear him quietly saying, "No more playing around." It was then that I realized, "This isn't the place to be screwing around," and I think the rest of the cast and staff felt the same way.

Miura: Everyone in OOO was able to perform with a high level of professionalism. If someone as talkative as Shu was on the scene without thinking, I feel like he would've caused too much trouble.

Watanabe: The reason that didn't happen was because of Ryon-kun. He led us through his actions. I did many things to Ryon-kun though. Things like the "Cola Incident."

Miura: You're going to bring this up again?! (laughs)

Watanabe: While on location for filming of the second half, Ryon-kun said he, "Wanted to drink some cola", so I told him, "I'll buy some for you," but I couldn't find a vending machine. While on the location bus eating my boxed lunch and thinking, "I'll take care of it later," Ryon-kun came to me and said, "Why are you eating food instead of buying me a cola?" You were just messing around, but you were still angry, right?

Miura: I just wanted to eat together with you.

Watanabe: It didn't feel like that (laughs). It wasn't just the cola, you were frustrated by alot of other things, right? I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Why don't you have lunch?," I was able to buy a cola on location after filming, so I left it on Ryon-kun's seat.

Miura: When Eitoku-san (Suit Actor who played Ankh) told me, "It's from Shu-kun," I remember being really happy. Doing things like that, Shu always fills the space in my heart.

-On an adventure together-

Miura: Since OOO is over, I think we should go on more adventures.

Watanabe: Adventures?

Miura: To use a styling analogy, Shu often says, "Ryon-kun, what are you going to wear today? What should I do?" But, it doesn't matter what I answer. I know that you're always looking for the answer that's inside of you. I know this because I usually have an answer in my mind, even though you ask for opinions from others.

Watanabe: That's right. I'm impatient and want to know the answer right away, so I'll ask, "What do you mean?," and sometimes I'll say, "That's what it means, right?," responding before the other person can answer.

Miura: When it comes to clothing, Shu would say, "This isn't my style, so I won't wear it." I used to think, "I can't do this," but wearing different clothes changes you, and sometimes you like them even better. I've come to believe that these things are like anything else.

Watanabe: It's easy to understand if you compare it with clothes. Ryon-kun's visual sense of adventure is incredible. Are you still exploring things? Or have you decided that this is your style?

Miura: I don't decide. It's not that I think, "I'm the one who wears leopard print," I just think, "I'm the coolest" or "I'm definitely cuter than other people." Coolness and cuteness differs depending on the person, but I want to do everything I can and can only do now, fully utilizing both my own ideals and the appeal of the Ryosuke Miura that others desire.

Watanabe: Hmmm~ (is impressed). When I saw Ryon-kun's paisley patterned setup with a blue background, I thought, "So cute!~" (From Miura-kun's blog, February 20, 2011). When I saw it, I thought, "People can do so many things!" But since it's Ryon-kun, it'll probably take some time before I can pull it off myself~.

Miura: Wanna do it? (laughs). You've got an adventurous spirit.

Watanabe: Ryon-kun is slim, so he looks good in both cool and cute styles.

Miura: I used to avoid leather jackets because they didn't fit my body type, but after I was allowed to wear a biker's jacket as part of Ankh's costume, I began to think, "They're cool." Then I started to wear them in my private life, and now I wear them alot. You should try wearing them too.

Watanabe: Isn't it boring to settle on an idea?

Miura: No matter what Shu wears or what he does, he's still Shu. But it's definitely fun to be particular. Now, let's try wearing skinny jeans in our private lives.

Watanabe: Can I really wear them~?

Miura:: It doesn't matter if the zipper doesn't close. Just think that skinny is the only thing in this world!

Watanabe: That's an interesting concept! (laughs).

-We want to be "special" to each other-

Watanabe: In contrast to his fashion, Ryon-kun keeps his own problems to himself.

Miura: I just don't tell Shu about them.

Watanabe: What?! I should be the first one you tell!

Miura: Shu doesn't listen to other people. When he speaks, he looks the other person in the eye and leans forward, but when the other person begins to speak, he lowers his tone and says, "Hmm, hmm…."

Watanabe: My goal this year will be to listen!

Miura: Shu wants to be the center of attention. It's cute how visibly flustered he gets when someone other than himself is being focused on (laughs).

Watanabe: I don't like it when Ryon-kun hangs out with someone else, talks to someone else without me, or talks about something I don't understand even though we're together. I think, "What? Is Ryon-kun that type of person?," it's similar to the jealousy of accusing someone of cheating.

Miura: !!! (he burst out laughing). It's fine when he interrupts the conversation or tries to compete with me by saying, "I'm better than you," but it's a problem when he stays quiet. Shu doesn't talk when he's angry. When I say something, I have to say it all…..

Watanabe: That anger may be because he thought of me, or it may be about something that isn't negotiable at work. While I was happy, I was also worried about Ryon-kun himself.

Miura: At times like that, he'd ask, "Ryon-kun, what's wrong?" Whenever he's in a bad mood, I always try to calm him down, and I'm lucky if I also don't get stuck in a bad mood.

Watanabe: I overdid it sometimes (laughs). However, many things happened during our time together. I had alot of happy times and alot of frustrating times. I don't want to talk about it because it might distort my position and my feelings about the show……but, I thought it was great that Ankh was loved by so many people.

Miura: I think so too. Every time I saw Shu acting brave as the main character, and seeing him being loved by the staff, I thought it was something I couldn't do. Humans are always begging for something they don't have. We have different positions and characters, so it's not like we want to change for the other person (bitter smile).

Watanabe: Thanks to that, I was able to become more attached to my role and love it even more. What may seem like a negative thing can end up improving each other. Because I'm like that, no matter how close Ryon-kun is to other actors in his private life, he always comes back to me in the end. I'm number one among Ryon-kun.

Miura: Where does that confidence come from?

Watanabe: It's my desire for it to be that way.

Miura: (laughs). It's true that Shu is special to me. I've been surrounded by older people since I was little. There are people who pampered me and people who took good care of me, but somehow I couldn't trust them enough, and I always thought, "I have to get my act together." Especially on set, there's no place to relax….

Watanabe: That's true….

Miura: But, Shu's special. Only Shu can be spoiled. Shu's the first one where I think I can do anything with this person. Whether it's a photo shoot or an event, when Shu says, "Ryon-kun, it's okay," I can trust him with everything. Shu changed me from my very core.

Watanabe: Ehhh? Am I spoiled?

Miura: Shu was given special treatment during the photo shoot, right? When we all went to a donut shop to celebrate the makeup artist's birthday, I only bought grape juice for Shu (laughs).

Watanabe: That's right! I was the only one! (is happy).

Miura: I remember things like that every now and then. "We were together every day when we co starred together, so now it's fine if we don't see each other for a few months," I don't know why I ever said that……

Watanabe: Did you realize how much I meant to you after you left? Perhaps you got stuck in the "Watanabe Spiral?"

Miura: What does that mean?! (laughs).

Watanabe: It's the same for me. When I entered the set of OOO, I realized how blessed I was to be there. I felt like everyone loved me so much. At such times, I want to meet Ryon-kun and to confirm that, "I'm not alone."

Miura: Ahahaha!! (he bursts out laughing).

Watanabe: Well, after all, it's lonely, and we have to say "bye bye" now that we've finished filming.

Miura: I thought it was fine up until now, but I want to continue working with Shu and the others…..But, Shu doesn't think I'm special. To Shu, everyone is special.

Watanabe: What are you talking about?! Ryon-kun is the only one who keeps in touch with me this much.

Miura: I don't contact you as much as you say.

Watanabe: Is this because of the "email incident?"

Miura: When we first met, I said, "I don't feel comfortable messaging men."

Watanabe: I don't even message my friends to say, "See you tomorrow." The only emails I send are things like reminding my parents to send me contact lenses, or business matters like saying "I understand" to my manager (laughs). And yet, even though I send them to Ryon-kun myself, I can't?

Miura: You attach heart marks too.

Watanabe: That's right. Because you're really special to me.

Miura: I see (is satisfied). I'm a person who wants "Love" to exist in everything, including people, things, and work. I expect the same from others, can be jealous, and am abit troublesome.

Watanabe: Really? What if I want love too?

Miura: Then we're the same (is satisfied again).

Watanabe: I also rely on Ryon-kun. If I'm at a loss for materials at an event, if I'm talking too much, or if I feel like I'm going to make things worse, I'll say, "Hey, Ryon-kun?" and wave at him. When Ryon-kun replies, "Yeah?" or "What is it~," I respond with, "Miura-san, can I ask you something?," and then we end it with a joke.

Miura: Ah, that interaction, it really saved you (laughs). I'm glad~.

-The complete opposite path-

Miura: I feel at ease knowing that I'll be able to meet Shu again in the future, whether it's for interviews or at someone's birthday party. But, I'd like to keep in touch with Shu more easily. Even if it's, "I'm hungry, let's get something to eat even though we only have an hour."

Watanabe: Let's do it, let's do it!

Miura: And yet, for some reason, Shu can't do that……

Watanabe: Me being underage was probably a big part of it, huh? I also found myself wanting to meet Ryon-kun. Well, I already told you today, I'll change our relationship.

Miura: Please, by all means.

Watanabe: But, I'm short of money, and lately I've been eating alot of foods with a combination of bean sprouts (laughs). I don't like it when Ryon-kun takes care of me.

Miura: It'd be fun to have a "tasty bean sprout eating contest" at Shu's house.

Watanabe: Sounds good! I'm the best when it comes to bean sprouts, right?

Miura: Save some for me (laughs). Even if you say, "I can't do it because I don't have enough money," I'll say, "Okay, let's do it next time," or "It's okay, let's go together." Shu is serious about things like this. He seems to live freely, but he always tightens up where he needs to. It was the same with OOO.

Watanabe: That's because, as much as I was happy to be able to appear in a production that I admired, I also felt anxious and pressured. When it came to my acting, my responsibilities as the lead role, and communicating with Ryon-kun and the others…..I had alot of worries. When I saw Ryon-kun worrying, I had an optimistic attitude and said, "That's not something to worry about, right?," and it was because I didn't want to show everyone that I myself was worried and depressed.

Miura: Ah…I see…..

Watanabe: For me, I wanted to be everyone's "sunshine" on set. I felt that it was required of me, and I really wanted to make my dreams come true in a better way by being that way. That's why I wanted to challenge myself to do things that were beyond my capacity.

Miura: You overdid things.

Watanabe: I feel so too. There were times when I held in what I wanted to say because I didn't want to get into a fight with Ryon-kun. I instinctively avoided him because I was afraid that if my relationship with Ryon-kun deteriorated, it would become even more difficult to stand firm.

Miura: Why can we talk like this now?

Watanabe: I guess it's because I started seeing things from a different perspective. Just because I talked to someone about my troubles doesn't mean that the tension on set goes down. I don't think I needed to hold myself back so much, and I probably should have talked to Ryon-kun about it. I had too many assumptions about how things should be.

Miura: But, everyone was at ease saying, "Shu-kun doesn't change every day," and they respected Shu for that. This work was possible only because Shu was able to suppress his "insecurity" and "impossibility" and stand firm. By letting me out, the both of us survived together.

Watanabe: I see……We were complete opposites, but we faced the same direction as well.

Miura: That's why my feelings for Shu are actually very simple. At first I was surprised and thought, "Such a person exists!," then I thought, "He's amazing," "He's wonderful," and "I love him." I'm so grateful for him.

Watanabe: It feel the same. For me, this year and a half was because of Ryon-kun.

Miura: Now that our environments are changing, I think it's okay to feel down and talk to others when things get tough. You may run into conflicts when you ask for someone's opinion, and they may not tell you how to solve them, but it is much better than worrying about them alone. I don't want to run into the same problems again, so I think about them until the very last moment, and if it still doesn't work, I vent about it to someone else.

Watanabe: I see…..that sounds fine. Ryon-kun will listen to me now, right?

Miura: Of course, go ahead.

Watanabe: Thank you. Hah~……Today was the first time I've heard or talked about many things. I didn't have as much time as I thought I did while we were performing together (bitter smile). I think there are still alot of things I haven't talked about with Ryon-kun.

Miura: Let's talk whenever you want. It's sad to see the show end, but it was a year and a half of many encounters. I'm very happy that the people who came to know us through these encounters are supporting both of us together. I hope everyone will continue to watch over and support us as husband and wife for many years to come.

Watanabe: (laughs). It's been over a year and a half since me and Ryon-kun became a pair….I believe that together we were able to bring dreams and smiles to many people. We want you to support us forever, and let's grow even more so that we can live up to that.

Miura: Right!

_

Japanese Alphabet with Shu and Ryosuke (+ other page details)

Go to Hakone (page 65)

A: "The moment I'm in love" (Ai o kanjiru toki)

Shu: It's constant……Like the other day, when Ryon-kun gave me the bracelet that he'd been wearing for such a long time. Why'd you do that?

Ryosuke: I've been wearing it for many years now, and I wanted someone I cherish to have something that I cared about. I wonder if Shu writes about me on his blog or talks about me at events.

Shu: I wrote about Ryon-kun in my first blog of the year!

E: "The important part" (Erai tokoro)

Shu: It's strange for me to say this, but he's extremely professional. However, when he messes up, he really messes up.

Ryosuke: The organizers do a better job (laughs).

Shu: I was the organizer of my 20th birthday party and the New Year's party during OOO (laughs). Because it was a party with Ryon-kun and the others, I took the initiative.

Ryosuke: Everyone gets together because it's Shu, and even if they can't make it, they'll definitely let him know.

I: "Want to hold an event?" (Ibento o yarunara)

Ryosuke: A comedy act. At the request of one of my fans at a live event, they said I should be the funny man and Shu should be the straight man (laughs).

Shu: I like singing with Ryon-kun, so it'd be a concert.

O: "What happens when you're mad?" (Okoruto dounaru)

Shu: Ryon-kun stops talking to me and drags me through the day. He's never honest, even if he's sorry during the middle of the day, he won't talk to me until the next day.

Ryosuke: Shu is more flustered than mad. He always wants to be the center of attention, so when I'm talking to someone else, he wants to get between us (laughs).

U: "The jealous part" (Urayamashii tokoro)

Shu: Your visuals and the way you present yourself to the media. The way that you know what's expected of you and can express it.

Ryosuke: That you're full of potential. _

Arrives in Hakone Yumoto (page 66)

(top right) "Although the Romancecar (express train) had some trouble and had to stop at Odawara, it arrived safely at Hakone Yumoto without incident! "We have to take a picture that we've arrived!," and Watanabe-kun and Miura-kun went together to stand in front of the signboard."

KU: "A frustrated heart" (Kuyashii kokoro)

Ryosuke: There are alot of things. He bought an iPhone before I did, he built the cool and stylish house he lives in now, and he's a really strong drinker (laughs).

Shu: His fashion sense. Even if it's a single bag, it's an expensive high brand item!

KE: "Your ideal marriage partner" (Kekkon aite ni osusume ha)

Ryosuke: Definitely Shu. I think he'd be a good dad. He'd take us to various places to have fun, find amazing things for us to do during Summer vacation, and make delicious food to eat.

Shu: Definitely Ryon-kun. He can cook and do housework like a wife. Just being together with him is healing.

KO: "Love" (Koi)

Shu: When it comes to love, I want an answer immediately, so all I want to know is, "I like you or I don't like you." I don't think I could play around.

Ryosuke: I can't do it either. And I'm pretty jealous, so I'm sure I'll weigh them down.

Shu: There are some people who feel more loved the more they're bound!

Ryosuke: I guess so…..I wonder if it has to do with compatibility….

KA: "The cute parts" (Kawaii tokoro)

Ryosuke: His smile and dimples!

Shu: He's surprisingly innocent. I'm the same way, but when he's moved by something, he becomes all, "Uwa~ah!! (with sparkling eyes)"

KI: "Areas of concern" (Ki ni naru tokoro)

Shu: Sometimes, at our events, we'd speak using a fake Kansai dialect (laughs). Saying things like, "Why's that?" and "Is that so?"

Ryosuke: Even though neither of us are from the Kansai region (laughs).

Shu: It did make me feel closer to the guests though. _

Hatsuhana (page 67)

(top center) "When walking in front of Hakone Yumoto Station,"

Shu: Is that the soba shop? Right over there?

Ryosuke: It says "Inn" (laughs).

"Within a 5 minute walk, Watanabe-kun discovers multiple phantom soba shops."

SA: "The surprising thing" (Sapuraizu na koto)

Shu: I'll say it here. I got a Bluray recorder from Ryon-kun as a present for my 20th birthday!

Ryosuke: It's too late to say it! People think I didn't give it to you (laughs).

Shu: I missed the opportunity. So here it is now.

Ryosuke: In a good way, my impression of Shu hasn't changed since I met him. Also, I was really surprised at how well he eats (laughs).

SHI: "Horror story" (Shippaidan)

Shu: I don't mean to offend, but I often end up hurting people with my words…..

Ryosuke: If it were me who had done it, I wouldn't think, "That's terrible"….(laughs).

SU: "My favorite part" (Sukina tokoro)

Shu: There are alot of things, but if I had to pick one, I'd be that he's devoted to me.

Ryosuke: The part where he's always pulling me along, whether it's out of excitement or just to talk.

SE: "World view" (Sekaikan)

Shu: Recently, when we're together, we sometimes spend quiet time together.

Ryosuke: During the stage greeting for the film, "Kamen Rider x Kamen Rider Fourze & OOO: Movie War Mega Max," when I saw Shu sitting at the very back of the location bus, silently admiring the scenery outside the window, I thought to myself, "He's become more sexy since turning 20" (laughs).

Shu: I was probably just trying to appear cool (laughs).

SO: "When you need me by your side" (Soba ni ite hoshii toki)

Ryosuke: Now that Kamen Rider OOO is over, I hate that I'm not next to you.

Shu: I currently feel the same way. I've never been loved so much on a set, so I want to meet up with him once in awhile and spoil him, and I want to confirm that, "Ah, I have friends, and I can do my best going towards tomorrow."

TO: "Times where I make him feel special" (Tokubetsuda to omou toki)

Ryosuke: Always. In front of the other OOO members, I've always shown that, "Shu is the best."

Shu: I rarely send emails outside of business, but I only send emails with hearts attached to Ryon-kun.

TE: "The appropriate part" (Tekitona tokoro)

Shu: When I'm messing around. Sometimes I respond with, "I'm too busy to bother you" (laughs).

Ryosuke: Shu basically relaxes when he doesn't have to do something for himself or others (laughs).

TSU: "The cold (hearted) part" (Tsumetai tokoro)

Ryosuke: It wasn't towards me, but Shu's face was cold during a pre event meeting with the MC. I immediately asked, "What's this all about?," as it was a face you don't want to show to the visitors.

Shu: When I talked to Ryon-kun after the "Cola Incident", usually he'd laugh and say, "I see~," but he instead responded with, "No, I don't understand" in a cold way……It was scary.

CHI: "The part that's different" (Chigau tokoro)

Shu: Our personalities are the exact opposite. We're like the S and N on a magnet, so we fit together perfectly and can't be separated.

Ryosuke: Yeah, I'm interested because we're different, and I like seeing how things play out.

Shu: We look completely different too! A Japanese face and a Western face!

TA: "Fun memories" (Tanoshi katta omoide)

Ryosuke: During filming for OOO, we had our first date in Ueno! (May 22, 2011)

Shu: After filming, we went to Fuji Q Highland (interview done by Tokyo News Mook: Good Come, November 16 issue). But, you know, I always enjoyed those moments when we had off time, whether it was having a meal during a break or just sitting on the location bus. _

In the Corridor (page 68-69)

NA: "What would you name it?" (Namae wo tsukerunara?)

Shu: E&A, since it's Eiji & Ankh….."EA!" (pronounced ia = ear)

Ryosuke: Hey, are you sure that's okay? (giving a dirty look).

Shu: Eh~? (unhappy). Then, what about Miura-san?

Ryosuke: I want to be on "Team (blank)"

Shu: Since it's the year of the Dragon, how about "Ryuseikai?"

Ryosuke: Sounds good! Our goal is also to get more male fans, so it doesn't matter how grand it is!

NU: "The part I want to leave out" (Nukitai tokoro)

Shu: Dance! And also, professionalism!

Ryosuke: I have none. In the first place, I can't beat Shu, so I have no desire to lose to Shu, or to destroy Shu.

NI: "Similar parts" (Ni teru tokoro)

Ryosuke: That we value our family. Shu loves his family too, doesn't he?

Shu: Yeah, I love them. The similarity with Ryon-kun is……(thinking hard)……I can't think of any! I always see him as my complete opposite.

NE: "Sleeping face" (Negao)

Shu: Ryon-kun's sleeping face is beautiful.

Ryosuke: Shu's is cute. He's like a baby. He must feel comfortable, because he drools down to his collarbone (laughs).

Shu: That's how "Lake Watanabe" will be created.

Ryosuke: That's so gross! (he bursts out laughing).

NO: "Drinking" (Nomi)

Ryosuke: I want to drink at a kushikatsu (skewer) restaurant or some place with a counter.

Shu: I'd rather go to a dirty restaurant than a fancy one and share my true feelings with him. _

Hakone Glass Forest Art Museum (page 70)

HA: "Embarrassing things" (Hazukashii koto)

Ryosuke: I didn't want anyone to see the moments where I went into water, stood on high places, or anything I don't like, but I showed them all to Shu during the filming of OOO. I have nothing left to hide from Shu.

Shu: I'm lazy at home. I watch TV with just a towel wrapped around me after a bath, and my laundry is sometimes left in the washing machine, where it becomes stiff and crumpled…..

HI: "Secrets" (Himitsu)

Ryosuke: There's none. We're generally talkative, and when Shu acts stranger than usual, I get curious and ask what's up. Shu will often ask me, "Ryon-kun, did anything happen today?," so there are no secrets (laughs).

Shu: I have none either!

FU: "Dissatisfaction" (Fuman)

Ryosuke: When I'm having trouble with something I don't want to talk about, he asks me in front of everyone, "Ryon-kun, did something happen yesterday?" I'd like it to be just between the two of us.

Shu: Sometimes he says things that are impossible. Like, "Come to my concert in Osaka."

Ryosuke: Why's that? I'm requesting for Shu to show off his cute performance.

Shu: But, I also have plans…..

Ryosuke: I'll be in a bad mood if you don't come, okay?

Shu: Yeah, I'm not dissatisfied. This isn't dissatisfaction (laughs).

HE: "Disguise" (Hensou)

Ryosuke: I want to act cool like you always do.

Shu: Me too. I'm going to be cool like you always are.

Ryosuke: Can I pull it off?

Shu: Ryon-kun's coolness might be too difficult for me right now (laughs).

HO: "A serious moment" (Honki no shunkan)

Shu: The look in your eyes the moment you start your performance. It's completely different from usual.

Ryosuke: As expected, it's times during the performance.

(middle right) Fusing Experience "While wearing matching friendship bracelets, Miura-kun gave Watanabe-kun the handmade bracelet as a gift, and the two have a close relationship when it comes to accessories. They both made accessories by melting glass and presented them to each other."

Shu: Since it's the year of the Dragon, I think I'll choose something with a dragon motif for Ryon-kun~.

Ryosuke: Eh~? (unhappy).

Shu: No good? Well then, let's do something cute then.

Ryosuke: Hmmm, as I thought, Shu should get a "mask."

"And with that, they start with a complete showdown!"

(middle left) "They also created a gift for the readers."

Ryosuke: Don't move everything I just put down~ (laughs).

Shu: Ah, sorry.

"Watanabe-kun said, shifting the glass beads while curling, so we couldn't see the finished product."

Shu: The one I placed (a glass bead in the bottom center) doesn't make too much of an impression, huh? (laughs). Ryon-kun, please do something about it~

"In the end, Miura-kun arranged and completed it by hand."

(bottom left) Their collaborative "Heart Spoon" will be given away to 1 person!

(bottom middle) From Ryosuke to Shu: A mask necklace

From Shu to Ryosuke: A sparkling key holder _

Onsen (page 71)

MU: "Defenseless moments" (Mubobi na shunkan)

Ryosuke: The times when Shu is sleeping, right? (laughs). I personally think I'm flawless.

Shu: That's a lie~. He already said he's revealed alot of things to me.

Ryosuke: Hmmm, the truth is, the more I like someone, the more conscious I am about how I'm perceived. I just don't do it well with Shu (laughs).

Shu: Ah, I see!

MA: "Things I'm serious about" (Majimeda to omou tokoro)

Shu & Ryosuke: Things relatings to work.

MI: Miura Ryosuke

Shu: The kanji that make up bewitching, "Mysterious" and "Gorgeous," and even "Beautiful" suits him. His appearance, expressions, and everything about him is erotic and cool. Anyway, he's very sexy.

Ryosuke: Are you serious? That makes me happy! I think the eternal theme for me is to have "Love" in everything.

ME: "Meal" (Meshi)

Ryosuke: I'd like to pound real mochi using a mortar and pestle. I'll do the pounding and Shu will do the kneading. And, I want to try different flavors, like chocolate.

Shu: I want to have dinner at a fancy French restaurant in Ginza that costs 30,000 yen per person. I wonder what'll happen to us there.

Ryosuke: We'd probably panic? (laughs)

MO: "The popular parts" (Moteru tokoro)

Ryosuke: You have vitality, and the confidence to do so for whatever reason (laughs).

Shu: I think it's because I want to lead. I'm recommend by younger people (?). But, I'm not looked up to by people my age or those older than me……Ryon-kun is devoted. I can feel that he thinks of me as the center of his life.

Ryosuke: I still think that's heavy to say.

Shu: That's because there are some people in this world that want to be bound. _

Kiritani Hakoneso (page 72-73)

RU: "The parts of his looks that I like" (Rukkusu de sukina yo koro)

Shu: His small, well defined face and slim legs (he slaps Miura-kun's thighs). And, he has a flexible body.

Ryosuke: Actually I'm pretty stiff (his fingers can't reach the floor when he bends forward). I'm like Shu, I've got a firm face.

Shu: We both want things the other has.

RI: Request (Rikuesuto)

Shu: I want Ryon-kun to hurry up and invite me to his house!

Ryosuke: I don't want to because it's a mess right now. I'm planning to move, so wait until I'm in my new home.

Shu: Of course!

Ryosuke: My request would be to go out to eat a meal casually, not just for birthdays or New Year's parties, but also on days when there's nothing going on.

RA: "The lucky things" (Rakki na koto)

Ryosuke: After I met Shu, we started eating alot more food, and we started talking alot. I'm a much more positive person than before.

Shu: I learned alot about the rules of how things should be in the field and how things should be in this industry.

YO: "Weakness" (Yowami)

Ryosuke: It's no good to ignore Shu.

Shu: Loneliness and indifference are the worst. Ryon-kun is lonely too, isn't he?

Ryosuke: It's because I'm a Rabbit, as I was born in the year of the Rabbit.

Shu: I see, you're a Rabbit-chan~ (Does he even understand?)

YU: "How did you come up with your unit name?" (Yunitto mei o tsukerunara)

Shu: Ryosuke's R and Shu's S are taken to make "R&S." By the way, the "&" is taken away from "Earth." Earth also has it's meaning!

Ryosuke: I think it's nice to be big (laughs).

YA: "Being kind to me" (Yasashiku sa reta koto)

Ryosuke: Shu often asks, "Ryon-kun, are you eating your food properly? Are you hungry?" and "Ryon-kun, if there's any leftover, please give it to me."

Shu: In the end, it's my desires (laughs). When I call someone and they don't notice, Ryon-kun joins me and we call together.

Ryosuke: That?! (laughs)

Shu: It's too much that no one moves!

RE: "Means of contact" (Renraku shudan)

Shu: It's mainly emails. We send each other about the same amount. Ryon-kun often sends me messages when he's drunk, saying, "Shu-chan" or "To my beloved Shu."

Ryosuke: When I'm drunk and lonely, I want to meet Shu. It varies whether we respond to each other or not (laughs).

RO: "Lost (what they don't want to lose)" (Rosuto)

Shu: Our friendly relationship. The rest is my personality. As people often say, "I hope you don't change," and if there is a part of me that can support Ryon-kun now, I want to continue to do so.

Ryosuke: My job. I met Shu through work, and if it wasn't for this job, we might have never met.

WA: Watanabe Shu

Ryosuke: He's free…..the way I see it, he's not pretending about it.

Shu: I'm bright and positive. But, I may not be able to show my true self easily.

(bottom right) Since the Hero Vision release date was close to Miura-kun's 25th birthday (February 16th), Watanabe-kun gave him a surprise after dinner. Watanabe-kun was enthusiastically singing "Happy Birthday dear Ryon-kun~" (with a hint of euphoria), and Miura-kun was surprised and said, "Eh? Eh? You're kidding, right?" Miura-kun, with some tears in his eyes, said "Thank you," and Watanabe-kun gave him the biggest smile in return. _

Return to Tokyo (page 74)

(W)O: "The end" (Owari)

Shu: I heard that Hakone got the most snow this winter today. The snow must've been waiting for us to come. Maybe the snow said, "Ryon-kun, Shu-kun, why don't you come quickly? The scenery will be beautiful when it's all piled up."

Ryosuke: What's wrong with you? Saying such cute things (laughs).

Shu: It was alot of fun. The hot springs and the food were great, but I really enjoyed being with Ryon-kun! What about you Ryon-kun?

Ryosuke: It was fun. Since I was with Shu, I ate alot more food than usual (laughs). _

See You! (page 75)

N: "From now on" (Kore kara)

Shu: Next time, we'll climb Mt. Fuji, and at the top we'll shout, "Waaah~!"

Ryosuke: I want to climb it. But, it's said that you're risking your life.

Shu: Is that so? Well then, let's go fishing instead.

Ryosuke: Let's go to a river. I want to eat river fish.

Shu: Then let's go camping! Decide on sweets up to 300 yen.

Ryosuke: Then it's a field trip (laughs). I don't mind if we go to Korea and enjoy fancy gourmet food, or if I pick up some bamboo and go to Shu's house to have Nagashi Somen.

Shu: That's a wide range. Also, are you planning on leaving my house drenched? (laughs)

Ryosuke: Anywhere is fine if I'm with Shu.

Shu: Eh? (is happy)

Ryosuke: It'd be interesting to have an interview where we're just eating (laughs).

Shu: Then you can visit anytime! (laughs)

(*no Japanese word starts with the singular "N" character)

[assistant-of-drama]

Assistant Noah's World Tour!

Hello, my name is Noah.

And around 2 years ago, I had made the biggest mistake of my life.

I got into a show called Total Drama and now I can't escape this overrated series or its crazy host.

How did this happen to me?

Well, I'm going to tell you...

When I first entered the show, I thought that I was gonna stay at a fancy resort or something like that, while trying to win the 100,00 dollars.

But instead that hotel turned out to be a crappy, ancient campsite. They only have one outhouse and there's a camera inside of it. The food is disgusting and served by a violent psychopath of a Chef. The host is basically insane and probably gonna get crazier. With the cherry on top, being that our first challenge was to jump off of a giant cliff.

Yeah, the money just wasn't worth it.

I decided to trick my team into voting me off.

So, when the dodgeball challenge arrived, I saw it as the perfect opportunity since I hated sports anyway. I simply refused to help and gave my team the occasional rude comment here and there, to irritate them even more. It was almost too easy.

I smiled and chuckled to myself as I left the dodgeball arena, forgetting about the cameras recording my satisfaction.

When I wasn't given a marshmallow, I had to resist the urge to smile, while acting angry and disappointed. I even subtly insulted their intelligence one final time as I left, getting pelted with marshmallows in the process. It was totally worth it.

I couldn't fight the smug smile anymore as I reached the boat, nor the sigh of relief as the boat left the stupid island.

If only I knew that being unable to control my joy would've sealed my fate.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that there was a resort after all; a resort of the losers.

How ironic, but I wasn't gonna complain.

However, a few days later, Chris and Chef learned that I got voted off on purpose. They were furious. They called me back to the island, explaining that as a punishment, I would have to come back to the island as Chris' assistant for the rest of the show. My jaw dropped in disbelief. Apparently, I missed the fine print in my contract; if anyone leaves on purpose, then they're forced to work for Chris.

As I reluctantly went on the boat back to the island, I couldn't help but feel a mixture of anger, disappointment, and a bit of fear. I didn't know what Chris had planned for me, but I knew it couldn't be anything good. When I arrived at the camp, I immediately put on a disguise, so the others wouldn't recognize me.

I was exhausted. Chris had been working me like a dog since my return to the island. He had me doing all sorts of tasks. I'd never been so tired in my life. Every time I thought I'd finally catch a break, he'd find something else for me to do. It was relentless.

But at least I get paid more than the other interns.

Then later to my surprise, Chris began to ask me for new ideas for the challenges. I was confused at first, but then he explained that he was impressed with how I managed to trick my team into wanting me off the island. He saw it as a sign of my true potential. I couldn't believe it. Chris, the insane host, was actually praising me?

I decided to take advantage of the situation and give him my best ideas. To my surprise, he actually liked most of them. Over time, my role in the show became bigger. We would brainstorm ideas for challenges together, and I would help him execute them. It was a weird kind of partnership, but it worked for us.

As the days went by, I learned to accept my new life on the island. Sure, it was still a competition, and there was always the chance that someone might figure out my true identity, but for now, I was content. I even started to enjoy the challenges again, if only because they were more interesting with my unique perspective. The gross eating challenge was one of my favorites.

When the finale arrived, Chris, Chef, and I were thrown into the water by the contestants as a form of revenge. We didn't see it coming; one minute we were announcing the winner, and the next, we were soaked to the bone.

Then my wig came off, revealing myself to the others. They were angry at first, but after I explained everything, they decided to forgive me… except for Heather. We all had a laugh about it and even became friends.

I thought it was over.

But then Chris made everyone chase a case with a million dollars inside of it, while I simply stayed at the resort.

Then Chris revealed that he tricked everyone into doing a second season of Total Drama, I didn't care at first because I thought that I was gonna leave.

The apathy turned into horror, when Chris reveals that I'm still his assistant, according to my signed contract.

Life, why do you hate me so?

In Season 2, everyone became extra nice to me, hoping that their kindness would somehow get them special treatment in the future episodes.

Even Justin began flirting with me, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of annoyance. I mean, sure, he was gorgeous and all, but I'm immune to Justin's charms. He's just another generic pretty boy that everyone loves drooling over.

I was so relieved when he left.

While the others finally took the hint that I wasn't gonna give them anything and now leave me alone, thank god.

Now that Season 2 is over, Chris is currently preparing a third season which is gonna take place in a unstable plane traveling across the world and singing random musical numbers.

Chef was right, that is the worst idea ever.

At least I'm not expected to sing.

The making of Season 3 is how I met Alejandro. The perfect combo of beauty, brawn and brains. Basically Justin, but with upgrades. The man who could charm the pants off of most species. At least that's what Chris says. Because personally, I think that guy is as overrated as the show I'm forced to work on.

That doesn't stop the Prince Charming Wannabe from flirting with me. In fact, it only seems to encourage him. He's constantly circling around me, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. It's amusing, in a pathetic sort of way. I mean, really, how can someone be so convinced that they can win someone over with a few well-placed compliments and a big, fake smile? It's almost insulting.

Then there's Sierra. She's… interesting, to say the least. There's something about her that suggests she's not quite right in the head. When she was an interviewer, she followed the cast around like a lost puppy, constantly scribbling in her notebook and asking questions that no one seems to understand. She's also obsessed with Cody.

Her obsession with Total Drama is borderline creepy. She knows every contestant and knows personal things about us too. Even Chris himself. It's unnerving, actually. She even seems to know some things about me that I'm pretty sure I haven't told anyone.

They are the two weirdest people that I've ever met… and I'm about to be trapped on a plane with them. Great. Just great.

I'm not sure whether to feel sorry for myself or laugh at the absurdity of the situation. I mean, here I am, stuck as Chris Mcclean's assistant, while everyone else gets to compete for a chance at a million dollars. And now, we're all going to be singing and dancing our way around the world. It's enough to make anyone's head spin.

Pray for me.

(Inspired by total-drama-brainrot's anonymous questions!)

[scrapyardwarlocks]

This is my Braime rant.

Oh, hello there. Yes, it's been a few years, and I'm still thinking about the GOT finale. When people talk about it, it's mostly to roast Bran getting the throne or Daenerys turning evil because of a bell tower (both extremely valid), BUT I am forever the most salty about the way Jaime and Brienne's story ended. Like...????????

First, I must acknowledge that there are the Tormund x Brienne shippers. I suppose their relationship could’ve gotten more emotionally complex if given the chance, but we only see Tormund horny boy howling because of Brienne's size and strength. In huge contrast, Jaime Lannister’s connection to Brienne goes much further than a surface-level attraction to a large, powerful woman.

They fundamentally changed each other for the better in HUGE ways:

Brienne's relationship with Jaime gave her a sense of agency she never had before. He gave her the opportunities and tools to fulfill exactly what she wanted to be. He developed an unwavering trust in her judgment and skills as a knight that she hadn’t really experienced before. A feminist king, if there ever was one (after a personal growth journey, of course).

Brienne allowed Jaime to see his potential as an honorable man. He opened up to her emotionally in a way he’s done with no one else (except maybe his brother Tyrion?) Although she wasn’t the only reason he decided to defy his sister and do what’s right, she certainly had a monumental impact on his self-worth and morality.

Even when they were firmly on opposite sides, they still advocated and protected each other. Jaime lost the hand he used for sword fighting, and he fought a BEAR for her, for God's sake.

And you can't argue that they didn't have a physical and emotional connection. The amount of unadulterated, obvious yearning is insane, y’all. Right in front of everyone's salad.

I mean, Brienne willingly gives him her virginity, something she’s been vehemently defending her whole life. She allowed him to see her at her most vulnerable. But then...

Jaime decides to go back to King's Landing to protect his sister at the last moment. Keep in mind, he had already fully betrayed Cersei just a few episodes beforehand. In the end, he dies in his emotionally abusive sister’s arms, and the show implies that she's the woman he truly loves... it's genuinely vile to me.

If Jaime had stayed in the same place he was in season one, the exact same thing would've happened to him in the end. So... WTF was the point? What was the point of all that inner conflict, emotional growth, meaningful connection? Jack squat, according to the writers and the footnote dedicated to him in the King's Landing records. 

What lesson are we supposed to learn from this, huh? No matter how hard you try to grow and change, what you were born into will always drag you back? You should stay in a toxic relationship, no matter how destructive, because you still feel like you love them? People who have made mistakes in the past don't deserve a second chance at life? That is what I got with the end to Jaime's story.

Thank you for your time, your honor.

[silverbladexyz]

We saw dazai with reader who doesn't like him. What about dazai with reader who does like him, more than a friend

Uhhh please ignore the fact that I haven't written any requests in ages ;w; I hope you enjoy ❤

The image used is not mine. It belongs to it's original owner.

TW: None

Fell first, fell harder

Oh, heavens.

Just when had you fallen prey to this disgustingly nice feeling that accelerated your heartbeat and filled your stomach with so many butterflies that it felt like it would explode from the intensity?

Whenever he was in your presence, or whenever you looked into those beautiful brown hues as he talked to you with his irresistibly smooth voice, you could feel your chest constrict and your knees weaken helplessly as you fell prey to his endlessly charming appeal. It was painfully obvious that you were stuck pining after him, despite all the warning bells ringing in your head about the complexity of this man.

Yes; the man you had fallen for was none other than Dazai Osamu, the suicidal maniac who could outwit demons himself.

You should've seen it coming when you reciprocated his flirting one day.

It was initially to shut him up, as you were already having a stressful day with lots of paperwork and impatient calls to attend to. Despite being able to momentarily silence the man, you soon learned that it was the worst mistake of your life as his flirting had nearly doubled in both it's intensity and amount at the end of the day. Even when you knew he was only teasing, you were determined to get back at him. And you, like the unknowing, competitive fool you were, decided to challenge him to see who could fluster the other person first.

Soon, you found yourself wishing that the ground would split open and swallow you up whenever he dropped another impossibly smooth compliment that you didn't even see coming.

You would've already given up and told him of your feelings were it not for the fact that it was Dazai that you were crushing on.

At first glance, anybody would say that it was reasonable for you to fall for him. He was tall, witty, had a way with words, worked in a respectable company, and attractive; many people had helplessly fallen for his charm. The very same charm that he utilised as a weapon to manipulate others as he pleased.

Throughout the many playful banters and friendly conversations you had with him, you noticed how sometimes, his silly persona seemed slightly forced. How his eyes seemed to see through your very existence, finding out your darkest secrets and laying you bare to his sharp gaze. And how he never showed any genuine emotions, despite being an expert at reading them.

Plus the fact that he was a womaniser who still had countless admirers who were vying to have another chance with him, and he had rejected every single one of their advances. You were a personal witness to them, and each rejection made you rip up your feelings and toss them to the back of your mind, only for them to resurface as soon as he turned his attention towards you. Yet it was obvious that your feelings were in vain.

You gave a small sigh as you typed away on the computer, thinking about this complex dilemma you were in.

You knew that you should only stay friends with Dazai for your sake, but your heart just said otherwise.

"My my, you are sighing quite a lot today. Are you thinking about me and my irresistible charm, perhaps?~"

The butterflies resurfaced in your stomach again as you turned to face the cause of those damn feelings.

"Heh. As if. Instead, I was thinking how good it'll be if you actually did your work for once instead of pushing it all to me and Atsushi-kun to complete. It'll be a great help to all of us, don't you agree?" You gave your best agitated smile, despite wanting so desperately to scream out 'I like you!' at the top of your lungs and unbottle all those feelings you had harboured for Dazai.

"Ah, don't be maddddd! You know I do that because it's my love language! The best type of love language, if I may add!" He grinned cheekily, seemingly unaware of how fast your heart raced at his gorgeous smile. Your faux irritation quickly melted away into attraction and longing for him, already having gone past what friends normally felt for each other.

"Besides, I know you love me too much to actually make me do my dreary paperwork on my own.~"

Dazai's grin grew wider as his brown eyes gazed into yours; those same brown eyes which had drawn you in and made you captive to it's warm, bewitching stare. In fact, everything about him had made you fall, and fall hard.

He really was going to be the death of you someday.

Not too proud of this oneshot, but it really did exercise my rusty writing skills. I'm open to any criticism about my writing ❤

@circinuus @ashthemadwriter @sariel626 @dazaiyohane @xxelfmamaxx @nekokinax @yuugen-benni @i-just-like-goats

[mrsnancywheeler]

IM SO SORRY THIS ONE IS LONG ILL LEAVE YOU ALONE SOON YOU JUST GIVE ME BRAIN WORMS

I’m back on my Finnick silliness

Finnick who sits by his sweet girl (yes. She was his sweet girl again) while she lays unconscious after her games. The overwhelming feeling of guilt, relief, exhaustion, and mourning.

Relief because his sweet girl (yes his sweet girl, she was finally his sweet girl again) was alive and breathing in front of him. Relief because after 2 years, 2 years that felt like a lifetime, Finnick was finally able to hold his sweet girl again. He was able to hold her hand, kiss her face, give her the adoration and delicacy she deserved.

Exhaustion because seeing her in the arena was probably the most emotionally draining things he’s had to go through. The fear of her getting hurt, or worse, dying ate away at him. The jealousy and silent rage he felt watching her kiss and hold Conway. The fear and anxiety he felt when he realized Conway would kill you. He didn’t sleep a wink, every moment he could he was looking at her. He was getting her sponsors (watching her get hypothermia was probably the worst thing he’s been through, and that’s saying something)

Mourning because he mourns the person she was. He knows she won’t be the same. He knows the fear, anxiety, the depression, the guilt, everything that comes out of the games. He mourned the carefree girl he loved, but that didn’t matter, he needed to be there for his sweet girl.

Yet as she lied there there must have been a subtle anger he began to feel because imagine if he began to hear talks about his sweet girls desirability. How people would have loved to spend just a night with her, or perhaps both him and her if they had the chance.

He probably realized he would be able to hold her once more but soon he wouldn’t be the only one. And that? That is probably what truly broke his heart.

Okay…bye

I MEAN IT WITH MY FULL CHEST WHEN I SAY YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE ME ALONE BC I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF SM LIKE I'M SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU POOKIE

tw trafficking, violence, death

so at the beginning of midnight rain finnick was so prickly and like multiple times reader mentions that he's trying to be too much like a mentor, he's comforting her but it's not the same until after he tells her about what snow does to so-called "desirable" victors because that's him breaking down his walls

and I'm just thinking about what a tumultuous time that was for their relationship because they're so young and have both been through so much trauma and he has his sweet girl back but at what cost

and he feels so responsible that any of this happened to you, so he has to do his best now to mentor you for the press after and the eventual victors tour. he gets to hold you, to kiss you, to be with you, but he has to make sure you know the importance of keeping up performances. so their's a lull where you feel different because of what's happened that compounded with how you feel like he's different too, he's keeping things from you, and is still guarded

like there's 6 years between reader winning her games and the version we see in the lakes and the river, so much more healing and bonding, so much love strengthened. so the finnick who tries to be there for reader after her games and is scared to tell her about her fate learns so much to become the finnick trying to bring reader back in the lakes.

but yes finnick would've been exhausted during your games, he can't eat if you're starving or ill or hurt, or if you're trying to convince conway you love him. he can't sleep when you could die at any time. this man would go through lengths to make sure you had the best sponsors, it didn't matter how many more customers he had to take it it meant you would survive. and then your fate was nearly out of his control when the hypothermia hit. something people can die so quickly of and he feels like he'd truly snap if that happened, he spends every sponsor dollar to get you that blanket, and is so grateful that marlowe knows how to take care of you. because you're his sweet girl, freezing and shivering in the rain. then there's the trauma reader has related too the cold and rain after that, he's so grateful he's always warm because he can end your chills with his touch. but it takes you so long to leave the house in the rain even when warm and you still hate it.

and yes, you've changed so much. there's less impulsivity, less dreams of a life out of your grasp, maybe because you have it now, but you also have no hope for anything but misery. you're more forelorn, there's less walls you put up, you just cry, but you still worry more about him then you to yourself which crushes him. his poor sweet girl, so traumatized, so cold all the time, and so utterly distracted by wanting to help him instead

oh my god, when finnick was doing whatever he could to get you sponsors I can imagine all the people that invested because they saw your interview and wanted you. all the people who'd say, "well if I sponsor her, I'd definitely get my money's worth." with a chuckle to their friends, so disgusting, who laughed back

"those tears would be even prettier in person"

"I would love to see what else they mouth could do"

and finnick's blood is boiling, but he needs the money so his sweet girl can live. he feels so guilty for it when you're with him though, it's one of the reasons he doesn't tell you about it for so long. you'll be safe as long as he keeps you out of reality, which he can't do forever.

and yes people definitely want both you and finnick at some point, I mean the beloved couple from district 4 people can't get enough from and he doesn't know if it's better or worse that way. because then you have to watch each other take the rougher treatment but he can also be there for each other.

especially early on he can clean you up, put you back together if you're both wanted, before the tragedy that it's commonplace hits and you learn to take care of yourself because so often you're alone.

he hates that other people want you that way, that other people will see you that way because he knows that if neither of you were forced to be in a place like this you'd just want each other and just have each other so completely. but his sweet girl is being forced to perform and sold to the highest bitter which will always make him sick and angry. because he just wants to love his sweet girl.

sorry this is kind of all over the place lmao

[astroboots]

RSVP

Summary: A prequel to Homecoming set 10 years before. The moment Santiago realizes he's missed his chance with you.

Homesick masterlist | Homecoming Masterlist | Astroboot’s Masterlist

We invite you to share with us a celebration of love for the wedding reception of William Miller and Abigail Jackson.

Santiago stares down at the invitation. It's a showy calligraphy font with lots of rounded gold-gilded curves offset with the pink blossoms, roses and carnation in the background of the card.

A bit tacky for his tastes, and personally he'd probably would've opted for something much simpler, but luckily he's not the one on the hook and three hours from getting married.

He leans back against the car seat, trying to make himself more comfortable, eyes drifting to the side mirror that gives him a decent angle of your front door.

Thirty minutes.

He's been sat in this car for thirty. Whole. Minutes.

You never take this long to get ready for anything. The normal routine is: throw on the cleanest shirt and jeans combo you have on hand. Or if you're feeling really fancy, a dress you have abandoned and forgotten in the corner of your closet before you jump into the car, applying makeup as best as you can, while he drives you to where you two need to go.

He's never had to sit in a car waiting for you for half an hour while you get ready.

Not for your graduation.

Not for your first job interview.

Heck, not even when you were a bridesmaid to your best friend's wedding (because you'd both overslept and you ended up clumsily pulling on the bridesmaid's gown in the backseat while he was racing down the highway to the hotel where the bride was staying with minutes to spare).

So why on earth you would need this long to prepare for Ironhead's wedding reception is beyond him. There's hardly going to be any royalty there.

Santiago sighs, reaching over the dashboard to change the radio station when from the corner of his eyes, you've finally decided to grace him with your presence. In the side mirror, he sees you locking up the front door and approach the car.

The pale blue of your dress sways in the mirror.

Santiago is confused. You're wearing a new dress. One he knows he's never seen before on you.

It's a pretty little thing. Sheer blue lace, and a flowing line that hugs your hips flatteringly. The fabric of the summer dress flutters in the wind when you walk, the edges of the skirt flirting with your thighs as it rides up slightly and he can feel his brows arch in question as you approach the passenger side of the car.

"That's new," he says, as you open the door and scoot into the passenger seat.

You look up at him as if you don't know what he's talking about, and when he gestures at the dress, you just shrug, like there's nothing unusual here to see.

"It's a wedding reception Santiago, what else am I going to wear?"

He catches you inspecting your makeup in the mirror, your chin tilted upwards as your lips part to make sure the red lipstick and gloss on top hasn't smeared.

It feels surreal somehow, like he's wandered into a house of mirrors at a funfair. It's you, but you're behaving like something alien to him.

As he starts the car and pull out the driveway, the thought vaguely occurs to him that he needs to rewatch Body Snatchers, because he's pretty sure this is how it starts.

Still, you do look very pretty.

"The dress looks good on you," he tells you when the car's at a standstill at a red light.

The corners of your lips curve into a soft smile, and you look so happy that Santiago tells himself that if you have gotten body-snatched, he's just going to have to learn to co-exist with aliens now.

It's a big gathering held in a beautiful garden space. There are all the usual trappings of a Pinterest wedding fare. Fairy lights hung up in trees. Pink balloons and mason jars scattered on rustic looking wooden farm tables that he knows must've cost a leg and an arm on Will's paltry salary check.

His body is tensing. Leg itchy and Santiago feels like he can't stand still in one spot. The lingering pain in his right knee acting up again. The last surgery should have fixed it, and the surgeon had warned him it's probably psychosomatic at this point, but whether it's real or make-believe doesn't help Santiago when the pain is there.

There's a lot of familiar faces from the army here, which Santiago doesn't love.

It's not something he does, bring you around where that world can sink its contaminated claws into you. He doesn't want you near it.

Doesn't want you to hear the confusing military jargon, and have to explain what "Dependa means", or to have one of his "buddies" refer to you as a "civilian".

He never likes it when you're reminded that out of the eight to ten months he's gone for the year, there's a dividing line separating your life from his that you are not part of.

Doesn't want you to be faced with the fact that when he's not here next to you, he's not your Santiago. He's not the guy you grew up, the one you always beat at Street Fighter and used to run a racketeering at the local pool hall for pocket money.

Doesn't want you to think of the fact that when he's out there, he's committing war crimes under a legal technicality courtesy of Uncle Sam, the way some dumb misguided 18-year-olds were shipped to both your motherlands once upon a time and burnt it down with napalm and bullets some decades ago.

Fuck, he doesn't want you to be here. Should never have invited you.

But Frankie had accidentally blabbed about Will's wedding last week, asking, in front of you, who Santiago was bringing as his plus one. You had looked up at him with such big excited eyes, because you fucking love weddings, and you are always his plus one. What was he supposed to say? No?

It's so uncharacteristically clumsy of the man and Santiago swears, if Frankie wasn't his best friend, he could've killed him for that.

Santiago scans the space, spotting more pink flower arrangements, carnations and pink tulips and hydrangeas, it looks like a pink confetti bomb went off in this space.

Under a large tree of heavy branches carrying pink cherry blossoms, Santiago spots the very culprit he was thinking of. Frankie is leaning against the thick trunk. He's looking as uncomfortable as ever in the big crowd, obviously hiding away so he doesn't have to make mindless conversation with the other wedding guests. Shoulders slump so low, the man looks like he's trying to shrink into the tree.

Santiago shakes his head. It's hard to ever stay mad at Frankie. He couldn't even if he tried.

Jutting out his arm, Santiago looks to you as your arm curl around his. The unbending tension in his neck seems to melt away when you are pressed to his side. He can feel your sun-warmed skin brushing up against him, as the two of you make your way over to Frankie.

"Hi Frank," Santiago greets.

Frankie looks up, those big brown eyes fill with absolute relief at seeing a friendly face. The man is all soft smiles as he lets out a long exhale, the tension fizzling out of his frame.

"What you don't like weddings?" Santiago teases.

From Santiago's side, you slip out your hand where it's looped against him arm, and wave at Frankie despite that you're not even two feet away from each other. You're acting a bit awkward, your greeting a bit stiff. There's a warm and almost nervous smile on your face that makes Santiago raise a questioning eyebrow.

"Hi Frankie," you say and your voice is all soft and buttery and breathless.

Frankie's eyes darts towards you and when the man sees you, he looks like he damn near swallowed his whole damn tongue.

It's bizarre.

Both of you are acting strange.

From the outside looking in, it probably looks innocuous, just two good friends having a conversation, catching up after not having seen each other for several months.

Except it's not. Something is different. He can tell because he knows you both so well. Something is just slightly off.

Santiago sips his beer as Frankie's telling you about how much he liked the book you lent him before he got shipped off. He's recanting how he'd read them in his mosquito filled tent, while sitting in the back of a truck waiting to be transported to another town. He's telling you the bits and pieces of his everyday life on the other side that Santiago never shares with you, and Santiago doesn't know how to feel.

The fact that Frankie can so easily share that part of his life with you, without batting an eye, like it's the easiest thing. The fact that you're nodding and smiling, responding with details of your daily life at school and work, like it's no big deal.

There's no dividing line between you and the two of you act like all of this is completely normal.

Except it's not normal.

Because Frankie's taken off his cap and he's no longer hiding under it. As at ease with you he might seem, he's also nervously running his fingers through his hair over and over again while he talks to you. He can't take his eyes off your face, tongue darting over his bottom lip while he's staring at your mouth while you laugh.

And you? You're smiling and laughing with your whole face as you listen to Frankie's story. It's a smile so big and bright and unrestrained in a way that Santiago's always thought was reserved just for him.

And he doesn't know how he feels about that either.

Santiago is watching Frankie's eyes trail over your collarbone down to your legs. Eyes rounding into big saucer and the effect is almost cartoonish. It makes Santiago want to roll his eyes, this man never could rein back his appreciation for a good sundress.

And oh.

Oh.

This is why you're wearing a new dress.

Santiago blinks, feet rooted to the ground, stupefied as the realization hits him.

You wore this for Frankie.

You took half an hour to get ready for Frankie.

You were excited to come here... For Frankie.

Santiago is the third wheel.

And he finally figures out how he feels about that. 

Like shit. 

That’s how he feels about it. 

Not that Santiago lets it show. He smiles, he nods, he cracks jokes with the two of you. Makes jabs at Frankie and teases you, like there’s nothing wrong. 

Still he smiles, he smiles so wide and so fake his fucking cheeks hurt with the muscle ache of it. Smiles like there's nothing wrong. Like his whole fucking world isn’t imploding before his eyes and he’s watching it burn down to a crisp to the background ambiance of the warm afternoon sun and the live music of a string quartet. 

Dramatic? yes, doesn't make it any less true for him.

Fuck, his knees hurt.

Santiago’s eyes roam over the space filled faces that are all smiling and laughing. Everyone’s happy. Drinking and eating and laughing. In this intimate space, surrounded by a crowd of people celebrating life and love, he’s never felt more lonely in his life. 

He feels like he’s drowning, head held under the surface. There’s a claustrophobic pressure hugging his ribs and his lungs squeeze painfully tight. He can’t fucking breathe, and he wonders if he could die here without anyone noticing that anything is wrong and--

“Santiago.”

His eyes blink, focusing in on your worried face as you’re peering up at him. “Are you ok? You look a bit pale.” 

“Uhm, yeah sorry. I…”

Your eyes are staring back at him, piercingly sharp. They feel like a scalpel held against his raw tender skin poised to make an incision. 

He looks away, unable to hold your gaze, eyes flittering over the crowd. “Sorry, I think I see someone I know that I have to say hi to… and catch up with.”

“Oh yeah?” Frankie throws a look over his shoulder, “who did you spot?”

Santiago scans the space for a familiar face, any familiar face that will serve as an exit route.

There’s Jones, his former captain back in the early days. The asshole who used to call Santiago ‘pretty boy’ derisively, and make him do pull ups until he felt so sick that the contents of his breakfast would end up outside of his body again.

To his left, Will is making the rounds from table to table, greeting and thanking the guests for coming. Will is too busy, which isn’t an option. 

“Jones,” Santiago murmurs, and the moment he says it, Santiago already knows he made a mistake. 

Frankie’s face scrunches up in distaste. “What are you talking about? That guy is an asshole. You hated him back in the army, why do you wanna catch up with him?"

Santiago laughs it off, because he can’t very well tell Frankie the truth. That Santiago feels the walls closing in and needs to get away from the two of you. So he makes up a cheeky lie. 

“Guy owes me money.” He pats Frankie on the shoulder, and juts his chin in your direction. “Keep her company for me will ya?”

He turns to leave, and for a brief moment his eyes catch yours.

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on Santiago's part, but he swears that for the first since you arrived, your smile falters. There’s something in your expression, the way your brows scrunches up, hands hovering mid-air as if you’re about to reach for his sleeve, that tells him you don’t want him to go. 

A snide critical voice in his head thinks he’s delusional. He’s just reading into something that isn’t there. Because why would you care? You’re perfectly happy in Frankie’s company.

In this moment as Santiago stands here before his former captain, he is regretting every single decision in his life that has led him here.

That he was a dumb naive teenager at the age of 17 that was tempted by a shopping mall recruiter to go "see the world" by joining the army. That he ended up in this man's regiment. That he didn't RSVP Will's invitation with: 'thank you but no thank you'. That in all his years of being in close range fire he somehow hasn't ended up with hearing damage that would have spared him from listening to this man talk.

Santiago glances over to where he had left you and Frankie half an hour ago, because he can't even be bothered with the pretense of acting even vaguely interested in what Captain Asshole has to say.

Santiago's been observing the two of you throughout. At first, it was awkward between the two of you. Because even though the two of you are no strangers to one another, usually Santiago is always around to play intermediary when there's a lull in the conversation.

You were hugging yourself, eyes darting to the ground, feet shifting. Frankie wouldn't stop running his fingers through his goddamned hair even as it started to look like a bird's nest that's fallen off a tree. The two of you were standing some distance apart, and Santiago cringed inwardly at the scene...

But if Santiago is being completely above board and honest... there's a small tiny sliver of a piece of him that was happy about that. That there's still a space for him between you and Frankie.

It doesn't stay that way of course. As the evening goes on and the harsh bright Florida sun starts to dim, the fairy lights flicker to life. It bathes everything in that romantic soft amber light against darkening canvas of the sky.

Frankie lends you his old worn jacket as you start to shiver. Then gradually, you two are inching closer and closer until you're standing shoulder to shoulder.

Santiago gets to witness it in real time, how the space between the two of you is closing (as is his place between you). He doubt he could physically squeeze himself between you even if he tried.

It's never gonna be a pleasant feeling to know that his best friends have just made him redundant. He knows that, and running away the way he did was probably not the most mature thing he's ever done. But now that he's seeing it from a distance, he can see how happy you two look. He has two seeing eyes after all.

For the first time in a long time, Frankie looks completely at ease. There's a soft glow to his cheeks as he's looking at you, utterly besotted, and you're smiling so wide your eyes are crinkling at the corners.

Santiago takes another sip from his beer, and despite the sickly sweetness, the beverage still warms his stomach. There are worse things in the world than seeing the two people he loves the most in the world happy, even if he's not the reason for it... right?

He peers out over the setting sun, squinting against the amber brightness and even among the buzzing crowd he can pick up the sound of your laughter distinctly from everything else. It's all he can hear.

It's funny how he never saw it before. But the two of you would be perfect for each other.

Frankie’s a bit quiet, and maybe he’s a little bit shy sometimes and takes a while to open up. But he doesn’t run away from his problems. Not like Santiago does. He’d never leave you if things started to get too serious or too hard; Santiago’s not sure he could make that same promise. But he knows Frankie can. Santiago knows how good Frankie would be to you.

And you? Just looking at the two of you now, he can see how Frankie's comfortable around you. Practically lighting up like the Rockerfeller center. Frankie looks like someone took an electrical socket and plugged it into him and he's buzzing and alight as he talks to you, Santiago can't remember the last time he's seen Frankie so animated... so at ease. Except maybe when he and Frankie are left to their own devices, during downtime, just the two of them, without having to hold a weapon in their hands.

"Captain! Mind if I borrow Pope here for a second?"

Santiago blinks out of his reverie to see the man of the hour, the groom himself in front of him.

Like a guardian angel descending from the heavens, Will stands with the sun glowing behind him, the golden boy.

The Captain nods, patting Will on the back, making some crude and off-handed and inappropriate joke about how "it's all downhill from here" not even a handful of hours after the man's nuptials.

Will doesn't smile, just juts his head with a nod, as they both watch the man depart. Then when he's out of hearing range, Will turns to Santiago.

"What the fuck were you doing with that guy?"

Santiago sips his bottle, and tips his head in the direction where the two of you are sitting. "Just wanted to give the two of them some space."

Will turns around and observes the two of you.

"Right," Will says, but his tone is gruff and serious, grinding his teeth as he observes. Will has never been the type to make any comments about anyone's personal lives, it's not his style.

"It's not my place to say something," he starts, then he stops, mulls it over as if deciding whether he's really going to say something.

The man shakes his head, then takes a deep breath. "Look, just... are you sure about this?" Will says.

It's all he says, he doesn't flesh out what he means. Just looks Santiago dead in the eye, with that sober Ironhead expression that he's so famous for.

Santiago doesn't pretend he doesn't know what Will is talking about. The man is smart. Santiago's not going to condescend him and play the game of the dumb best friend who doesn't realize he's in love with his best friend. It'd be like spitting in the man's face.

Instead Santiago takes a deep breath, and down the rest of his beer.

In front of him, Frankie's waving his hand so animatedly he nearly knocks over a canape tray from a waiter that was walking by behind him, and you're having a laughing fit over it.

Santiago doesn't know the answer to Will's question. He doesn't know what there is to be sure or unsure about. But he does know one thing... The two of you look good together.

Who is he to be in the way of that?

After all, Santiago has always had hang ups about how no one is good enough for you. Because you are his best friend and you deserve the best, and if Santiago is not gonna pull his head out of his own ass, at least Frankie will always take care of you and be there for you.

Frankie is a good man. A patient man, a kind man. The type of man he wishes he could be sometimes. He'd be better for you than Santiago thinks he ever could be. 

Who's to say this isn't going to be the best thing that's ever happened to the three of you?

"Yeah man," Santiago says as he tears his eyes away from the two of you. "I'm sure."

Credits and Dedication: To @thirstworldproblemss who already had to see this angst-fest a year or so ago and have to deal with my constant angsting over these three for funsies.

A/N: Sloppy written angst before I go on a two week hiatus as we're on a long holiday to get away from the rain and enjoy some sunshine on the Amalfi coast! I love you guuuuuys!

Follow me on astroboots-writes and turn on notifications to be notified when I post something new!

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

𝓜𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 : I can't save us

There are lessons in life no one should have to learn.

Tags/Warnings: Angst, hurt & Comfort, Idol!Jungkook, Hybrid!Reader, Cat Hybrid!Reader, mentions of depression and depressive thoughts, heartbreak, homelessness, it's a bit heavy sorry, mentions of mental abuse and manipulation, betrayal, slow burn, eventual smut, dead dove do not eat

Dead Dove do not eat: warning for potentially triggering content that can't be tagged without spoiling the story.

Length: 2.5k words

-> Masterlist

~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~

"Have you informed police about it?" Yoongi wants to know, sitting on the youngest's couch, but the idol in question immediately shakes his head.

"They'll put her into a shelter, and she would stay forever in there due to the fact that you can't put a legal NDA on her- so the company told me she could never be adopted by anyone ever again- they, they'd make sure of it-" Jungkook rambles, holding his head, and Yoongi feels both confused and concerned over the entire situation. He himself never really knew why Jungkook suddenly gave his hybrid away back then- he never really talked about it, avoided the topic, so the rapper simply assumed you both broke up and decided to part ways. But from what he hears right now, Jungkook still very obviously still cares about you.

So what really happened?

"But if you care about her so much, why'd you give her away?" He wonders, looking at the younger Idol in front of him.

"When.. Jin-hyung got engaged, remember?" Jungkook tries to explain himself. "The stalking, the comments, the airport incident, the protests- I… got scared. I just wanted her to be safe, a-and when I saw everything happen to him, I just felt so awful because I never thought of that.." He rambles, making Yoongi nod in understanding.

"I mean, I won't lie and say it was a cakewalk-" Yoongi starts. "But they got through it, didn't they? No one really cares about it anymore." He shrugs.

Jungkook stays silent at that, looking at nothing in particular, while his hands hold the tri-colored dog plushy that belonged to you at some point. "Jungkook.. you're not fine." Yoongi tries to reason next to him. "And you won't be fine unless you either fix this, or close this chapter-" He attempts, but Jungkook shakes his head, letting his head hang low.

"There's no fixing anything, hyung." He sighs in defeat. "There's nothing left to fix." The idol simply says, seemingly having given up.

"You're not even trying-" Yoongi shakes his head, but Jungkook grows irritated at that, it seems like.

"I've tried!" He argues with teary eyes. "I've tried, I failed, and I can't accept it!" He sobs, fingers clenching the soft material of the plush toy. It's long lost any scent of you, and he feels terrible for it. He should've just left it in your room, where it would've waited loyally until he himself would man up and bring you back home. But was this even a home to you anymore?

He can't tell.

What's the point of anything if he completely fucked up not only his potential future, but yours as well? He's taken every chance of a happy life from you because of his own selfishness back then. Because he didn't think it through, didn't realize that there were issues at hand that he should've been able to foresee. But he had been blinded by his own love for you that he was convinced love alone would be enough down the line. That if he loved you enough, the world would protect you as well.

But it doesn't work like that.

"How about we go one step at a time?" Yoongi wonders from the side, careful not to rile the young man up again. "one step at a time, nothing more."

"But every step I take towards her will only make it worse.." Jungkook denies, shaking his head. His eyes are still red from crying, head aching from the force of his sobs. He can't deal with the fact that you're still outside, sleeping god knows where, probably running off further and further away from him. Maybe you're not even there anymore, maybe you've been hit by a car, run over by a train-

"Jungkook you're having a panic attack-" Yoongi worries, trying hard to calm his friend down. "We can get her back here, just for now, okay? We can bring her here where it's warm, where she's safe- Jungkook there's security here, no one will harm her here." He attempts to push through whatever train of thought is running through his friend's mind at the moment.

"And then what?!" Jungkook breaks out. "She hates me, she has to- I hate myself too.!" He confesses, and the producer nods in front of him.

"I know, Jungkookie." He nods in sympathy. "I know you do."

~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~

"Come on tannie, do your business so we can go back inside!" Taehyung whines, watching his tiny dog roam around the streets, a rare break from the rain having given him a chance to have his dog go a little round outside to stretch his own legs as well for once. The weather is terrible, and he hopes that everyone's safe tonight.

His dog is yapping at something in the distance, before he seems to try and jump up at a person, a white cat tail peeking out from a little oversized dark blue coat. Similar to one Jungkook used to have, he thinks to himself, as the person bows down to pet the dog.

Wait.

Taehyung walks closer, can't see your face- but he knows it must be you. He doesn't know the entire story, or what's really going on- but he knows that Jungkook and you were together at some point, until you both broke up, the reason never declared to anybody. And he himself didn't ask- at the end of the day, he'd hoped his best friend would open up to him at some point himself, but he never really did. What were you doing back in Seoul? Last time he saw you, you'd taken a train.

"Hey- you should probably go inside soon, before the weather gets worse again." Taehyung tells you, picking up his dog. "I'm sorry he's barking so much. He doesn't like cats." He apologizes, and you just nod, smiling at the little dog. And much to his surprise, you reach out to pet him, something the Pomeranian eagerly accepts. "Oh? You're just excited?" He asks his dog, and you nod as if to answer for him.

He gets why Jungkook liked you. You seem very friendly, but also calm in nature- and from what he can see, you're very pretty as well.

"Hey- Jungkook asked about you a few days ago." Taehyung tells you, and you tense up at that, as if you just realize who he is. "He never really said what happened between you two?" He questions. "Though, it's fine if you don't wanna say. It doesn't really concern me, I was just wondering." He shrugs, and you don't answer. Ah yes- he remembers Jungkook once said something about you being really quiet. "Well-" He nods, bowing respectfully to you. "-take care, okay?" He offers, and you nod, before pointing at him as if to say 'you too'.

Before you leave, swallowed up by the night.

And he can't help but feel a bit weird.

~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~

You're sure he just wants you to go back to Hanako.

You won't be doing that- Hanako doesn't want you, and shouldn't be forced to take care of you. You didn't even need to hear why he was there- his scent had immediately alerted you of his presence. You could never forget him at any point in your life. He's haunting you like a bad dream, constantly filling your mind. You were definitely stupid to even come to Seoul- but your transportation ticket has expired at this point, giving you no legal way of getting out of here.

You don't want to go back to Hanako. She should live her own life, and not spend it taking care of you. It's not fair.

You didn't sleep at all since yesterday- somehow now terrified of him finding you at any point, forcing you to go back where you came from. He's mad, isn't he? You didn't do what he said, even if he didn't even say anything at all. Will he send out authorities after you now? Has he told police you're missing yet? You can't trust anybody now, shouldn't- or maybe you should dye your hair and hybrid features, maybe that would help you at least a little not to stand out anymore. Maybe that'll help.

Maybe it'll make you a better ghost.

You're awfully tired today, but not as in sleepy. Your muscles feel weak, like you've done a horrible workout- but they're not hurting. It's more like they just won't work the way they're supposed to- and it's making you stumble and trip constantly, jeans already cut open by the pavement ground. You're also not sure anymore where exactly you are- you know you should remember these streets, but the memories are foggy, unclear, making you unsure and scared of your surroundings.

And your arm is hurting, skin tender and muscles below aching bad.

You know you shouldn't scratch it, but you can't help the irritating feeling of it bothering you to the point of tears. You've got no money for food left, nothing to really buy you anything- and in a way, it feels like the end.

Like you're about to become a real ghost.

Is Jungkook at home? He must be, considering its pretty late, and the weather is still pretty bad outside. No one really wants to be out in the rain like this, the wind constantly blowing your hair around, wet strands sticking to your face. It forces you somewhere more secluded, a parking lot belonging to an apartment complex- having you climb over a fence to get to it, a more tedious action than usual considering your physical state. You know something's wrong with you, but you can't really do much about it, can you? Going to a hospital would just lead you into a shelter, or worse, back to Hanako who's probably happy right now you're not with her.

You just want to sleep a little, right here, underneath the little roof for the bikes standing around. It's not dry at all, but it's at least something. It's a dark corner where no one will see you until tomorrow morning when everyone will start going back to work. It'll be alright until then.

You just need a little nap, you think, as you curl up in the very corner to close your eyes just for a moment.

~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~

"Let's go." Yoongi offers suddenly, getting up.

"What?" Jungkook whines almost in protest, before his friend forces him up from the couch as well.

"Grab a blanket or something we can put in the back of my car. We're gonna go out, search for her, get her back home." He says.

"But what if it's not home for her anymore?" Jungkook weakly protests. "She-"

"One. Step. At. A. Time." Yoongi shakes his friend by the shoulders a little. "First, find her. Then, get her here, where she can warm up, where we can talk. Step after step Kook, no running this time." He scolds, and Jungkook weakly nods, walking into his bedroom to fetch a blanket.

Later in the car, it's silent for a moment- until Yoongis car alerts him that someone's calling his phone. A little annoyed, he declines it, instead turns towards his friend in the passenger seat.

"Where do you think she might've gone to?" Yoongi asks the Idol sitting next to him in the car. The rapper has put down the seats of his car in the back, making room for you to comfortably lay in in case they find you tonight- a thick blanket covering the interior of the backseats and trunk area.

"I don't know." He sighs in defeat, trying to keep an eye on everything passing by as they drive around the neighborhood you were last seen- but there's no sight of you. "She's probably hiding. Hyung, the weather is so bad-" He worries, watching how they have to drive a bit slower to not spray the water everywhere on people walking past them, and his fears only grow when the first lighting of the night rips through the sky above. It's barely seen amongst the tall buildings, and for the first time, he feels small, tiny, insignificant. Do you feel intimidated by the tall structures? He remembers when you first met, you told him he was scary because he was so much taller than you.

Tall things scare you. You've got a fear of heights, a fear of flying.

"I know it's scary, but focus." Yoongi offers, driving carefully. "She's smart though, isn't she?" He offers, and Jungkook nods almost on instinct. Of course you're smart. The smartest around, the smartest cat he's ever known. "Then she must've tried to find shelter around somewhere further away after she's noticed you. She wouldn't want to get caught in case authorities are after her- she doesn't know you didn't call anybody, right?" He asks, and Jungkook nods again. "See? So she probably wandered a bit further away, tried to find somewhere secluded, sheltered, where she could sleep for tonight."

Yoongi is right. But still, it worries Jungkook greatly that there's no trace of you, that he can't seem to figure out where you could've gone. He's lived together with you for years, has loved you- but right now, he's so unsure of everything he's done and doing and going to do, that he doesn't trust in anything his mind comes up with. It could all just make it worse, and he doesn't want to make it worse.

He's done that enough.

Taehyung calls again, and this time, Yoongi accepts, well aware that his friend won't stop until he's picked up the call.

"Taehyung- it's not a good timing right now." Yoongi says into the car's speaker system as he accepts the call from the younger singer.

"Yeah I know, but Jungkook isn't picking up his phone." He whines almost, in the background the sound of Yeontan's nails clicking on the floor. "Has he made up with his ex?"

"I'm in the car, what are you talking about?" Jungkook snaps almost irritated. He doesn't like that word, 'ex' all that much. It implies that you two broke up, which.. never actually happened. You were broken up by everyone around you, but you never chose to break up willingly. That's a huge difference to him.

"Oh, hey" Taehyung greets. "It's just- cause I saw her outside a few minutes ago, and-" He says, but immediately, both Yoongi and Jungkook try to interrupt him.

"Where?!" The youngest bandmember asks, leaning into the control console of the car as if that would make his friend answer quicker. "Taehyung, where the fuck did you see her?!" He presses.

"Uh, near your apartment, why?" He asks. "I thought she came from yours, that's why I thought you two made up or something.." He says, and one look towards Yoongi is all it takes.

His hands immediately setting the turn signal before he rushes back.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Hello!! I love your blog so much!

I wanted to ask you for whenever you get a chance, why do you think Hobie doesn't like Peter B? Do you think he knew about Peter B's relationship to Miles since before The Spider Society was created and was disappointed with him not defending Miles somehow? Or something else? I find it hella interesting that Hobie DID only have something to say about Peter B but not Miguel despite everything happening in that scene.

Thank you! 💖 Absolutely.

I feel like Hobie without a doubt knows everything about what happened. And he dislikes Peter B. because unlike Gwen - he doesn't have an excuse. And she does.

And that's why

Peter B. Parker is far more toxic of a person and a mentor to Gwen than Jess could EVER be. a.k.a Peter's influence on Gwen, his trust of Miguel, and 'Why was Jessica Gwen's mentor to begin with?'

[An analysis where I yell about the fact that Peter B. left Gwen homeless instead of opening his house to her. And how he didn't step up to be her mentor. And why Hobie Brown should hit him with a guitar.]

Am I saying that Jessica Drew is basically innocent. I might be. _____________________________________________

Peter B. Parker joined the society before Gwen, because we see him with Miguel when his daughter dies. Let's keep that in mind.

Gwen is adopted into the society as an emergency recruit - based solely on the fact that she's homeless. Had her father not shot at her, Miguel and Jess probably would've left her there with him, and she wouldn't have joined.

So, Gwen joined specifically to escape homelessness. She didn't know they didn't know about the Spider-verse and the Society's distaste for Miles until later.

Imagining what that must've been like for Gwen is wild.

I bet she was delighted to see Peter B. I bet her first thought was "Where's Miles? Peni's here, you're here, I'm here, Where's Miles?"

Peter and Miguel probably had to be the ones to tell her why Miles wasn't there. Peter probably had to help Miguel convince Gwen, otherwise, how else would get her SO on board? Who is she gonna believe more, Jess telling her Miles is a mistake -

or Peter telling Gwen Miles is a mistake?

And I imagine she'd be looking at Peter like '??? What do mean????? You know Miles, this Miguel dude doesn't. Peter wtf????'

Peter was probably a HUGE influence on Gwen staying in the society and accepting their propaganda around Miles. He was the only adult she knew in a strange futuristic society. Peter was probably smiling and happy to see her, and because she trusted him and he trusted Miguel - that probably fed into Gwen trusting Miguel.

So, One reason I think Hobie hates him is his loyalty to Miguel and that influence on Gwen.

Secondly, I think it's also that Hobie knows everything that has happened from beginning to end.

Hobie's first line to Miles - "This the yungun-" implies that Gwen has told him about Miles. And I'm assuming that also includes their first meeting - as well as the other Spider-people.

Gwen met Miles and Peter at the same time, and in telling Hobie this - he learns a lot about Peter B he didn't know before. Hobie met Peter B. through Miguel. Whether he knew Peter knew Miles personally before Gwen and told him - we don't know. But he knew Peter through the Society. And Gwen came later.

Before - Peter was probably just an annoying dad at HQ. But now, Hobie suddenly had context about him. Coming from someone he cares about - Gwen. Not only do Gwen and Peter know each other - but Peter ALSO knows Miles (the Original Anomoly on Campus) and he's not sticking up for EITHER of them?

I feel like as soon as Gwen told him about Peter knowing Miles - Hobie would hate his guts.

From Hobie's POV:

Gwen has an excuse. She didn't know about Miles until after she joined, she can't leave or else she'll be homeless, and the ONE adult she knows is completely 100% in Miguel's pocket.

I feel like Peter B. is soo much more dangerous and influential to Gwen than Jessica could ever be.

And the fact that he had months to step up and mentor her but just..didn't. That speaks volumes.

Sure, Gwen admires Jess. But Gwen knows Peter, she trusts him to be a person to fight for good, because they'd done it together before. She's scared, she's alone, and she's found one person she trusts. And he says to trust Miguel.

That would absolutely be more powerful than anything Jessica could possibly do or say in my opinion.

I feel like that's something that the fandom just ignores. Peter is there, all the time. Anytime Jess is pressuring Gwen - shouldn't he be the one to watch out for her?

But when he's yelling and throwing things at Gwen it's "Aww chill out Miguel - hold my baby, you're so uptight."

Dude. Defend her.

You can't tell me "Peter didn't know that Miguel yells at kids-" OH? So where was he when Miguel and Jessica where probably disciplining her for months. Gwen walks in expecting to be yelled at, so it's not like its a rare thing.

Peter knows Miguel yells at Gwen.

PETER LITERALLY COUL'DVE JUST HAD GWEN MOVE IN WITH HIM!!!! HE HAS A HOUSE!!!!!

But instead he let her be HOMELESS, and sleep at Hobie's house.

That's. Not okay. Peter entirely in the wrong on so many levels that Jessica isn't even in the picture anymore.

I think Hobie would HATE Peter's guts. Because he has had every chance to call Miguel out, to protect Gwen, to look out for her - hell, why isn't HE her official mentor? Why isn't he the one asking her for mission reports. Instead of passing it off to the pregnant black women she's known for less than six months?

Everyone is like "Oh, Jess is so mean. She treats Gwen so mean-"

She's doing her job. That's what she sees it as. If Gwen wanted comfort from an adult - she should have Peter there for her.

But he wasn't. He expected Jessica to do that for some reason. A pregnant woman who Gwen just met.

He could've housed her. But he didn't do that. He expected Hobie to do that.

Peter saw Gwen come in homeless, scared, and depressed. And what did he do - he didn't try to help her. He hold her to trust Miguel. An adult.

And then he walks around like father of the year with Mayday - when he can't even step up for Gwen OR Miles? Couldn't even offered her a bed, or actually tell Miguel to not raise his voice at a teenager.

He didn't. But hold the baby.

I'm surprised that Hobie ain't approach Peter like - "Gwen HAS to be here, you don't. Jess and Miguel don't know Miles. YOU DO. Why shouldn't I hit you with the guitar right now? Answer quickly."

You already know Hobie don't play that. He's being nice for Gwen's sake.

'Humbling Reality Spider-man' Indeed.

[slutforsnow]

Chapter 9

FIRST DAY FESTIVAL TIME :3

TW/CW: Possessive/obsessive Coryo murderous thoughts

When the train that weaved its way through the districts arrived at D2, Sunni practically leaped off the train and hugged her friends who were waiting at the station for her. The friend group was quite large, comprising of maybe 6 people.

"Cori, Sej, come here, you guys gotta meet my friends!!" She called, waving to the boys as they gathered their own + Sunni's luggage off the train.

Getting a closer look at Sunni's friend group, Coriolanus realized that she had a very mixed group of friends; black, white, desi, indian, boys, girls, androgynous, plus sized, and skinny friends. He didn't think negatively of that fact, though; he thought it was nice to see her have a large and very close group of friends. Most girls back at the Academy just just stick 1 to 3 people, and there'd be one poc at the most.

"Guys, this is Coriolanus Snow and Sejanus!" She introduced stepping to the side, allowing everyone to shake hands. "Cori, Sej, these are my friends Nero Amadeus; he/him, Maxima Benedictus; he/she/they, Nataila Catullus; any and neos, Viktor Dellis; he/it, Vivian Diamandis; she/her, and the twins Dele, & Demitri Chaconas!"

A chorus of hellos and heys and followed Sunnis friends as the boys shook hands and introduced themselves to Sunni's friends.

"So, Sunshine, how's the Capitol?" Maxima asked as the residents of District 2 led the Plinths + Coryo to the hotel where the Academy students would be staying.

"Uh, shiny," Sunni answered. "And there's more douchebags."

"Ha, fuckin' told you Vik!" Demitri interrupted, reaching over to smack Viktor in the back of the head. He simply ducked, snickering as they instead hit Sunni.

"Hey-!!"

"Sorry, Sun, Vik ducked!"

Nataila laughed to herself as Vivian and Dele shared a look that read "they're so childish".

As the group chatted excitedly about plans for the week and caught up, learning about the Capitol as well, Coryo was glaring daggers at one of the males; Nero Amadeus.

Nero had his hands in the pockets of his jacket as he listened to the chatter, smiling as Sunni. He was happy to see her so excited and to be reunited with her friends but Coryo didn't know why and I was determined to get a straight answer out of the brunette or beat it out of him.

Cracking his knuckles and tossed his suitcase, which was actually Sejanus' that he was borrowing (read as stole), onto his bed once the group reached the hotel; all the Academy children were were on the top two floors and Sunni's group had the highest one.

"I don't trust that Amaedus guy," He huffed out to Sejanus.

"What? Nero? Why?" Sej asked, setting his backup suitcase on his bed.

"I dunno- I just get a bad feeling from him," He replied, tearing his hoodie off as he spoke.

"He seems pretty chill—besides, we just met the guy. It might just be your paranoia since this is your first time in 2," Sejanus offered, taking off his sweater and setting it on his bed.

"No, I don't think it's the paranoia. I'd know if it's the paranoia."

"Jealousy?" Coryo almost laughed. Him? Jealous? Over what? A girl that's not his yet?

"Jealousy, Sej? Really? Im not dating her, so why would i be jealous?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"Friends can be jealous. Hell, I thought Sunni would've replaced me after me, dad, and ma moved to the Capitol, buy she still cares just as much after a decade," Sejanus answered, opening the curtains to check our the view.

"That's different, you're family," the blonde snapped, falling back onto his bed. The was comfy; it felt like it was made entirely out of feathers, and it felt way better than his bed at home.

"Yeah, I suppose, but we should trust them. After all, they've been around Sunni longer than either of us, and for the past 10 years, I've only seen her on visits."

Coryo scoffed and rolled his eyes, mumbling whatever. He was going to find out if Nero had a thing for Sunni and if he needed to dispose of him to make sure he didn't get a chance.

But he'd also have to make sure that no one else would find out about how Nero "went missing". He needed Sunni to completely trust him, no matter the cost.

An awkward silence filled the room, only to be disrupted by loud music entering the room. Coryo sat up, glaring at where the music was supposedly coming from; he didn't need a headache before the festival.

"The hell is that?" Sej inquired, coming out of the bathroom, zipping up his fly. Coryo shrugged, and the two left their room, to see what the noise was. Seeing a door was cracked open, they gently pushed the door open and Coryo feel his blood boil.

Nero and Sunni were dancing to some upbeat and chaotic aong, singing along with it as the others were laughing and talking about an itinerary that Sunni made at some point. When did she make an itinerary, Coryo had no idea, but he didn't care right now. All he cared about was separating his girl from some loser nobody.

"So do you guys plan on making everyone else deaf?" Sejanus shouted over the music, grabbing the others' attention.

"Sorry, Sej, this is what we do all the time!" Sunni shouted back, letting go of Nero so he could turn up his hearing aids once the music was off.

"Why?" He yelled back, walking into the room, followed by Coryo, who was glaring daggers at Nero.

"Why not? It's an homage to how we met; loud music," Sunni replied, laughing as Dele turned the music down.

"Yep: we were all at a skate park, testing our skates and boards and we started bonding over some loud music people were playing," Demitri added as Viktor kicked their ass in another round of COD.

"Dude, how do you get so good at Call of Duty?"

"Eh, having divorced parents who always argue make it easy to find time to game," He replied with a shrug.

"So divorced parents equals being a god at Call of Duty?" Nataila teased, grinning.

"I mean, in my case, yeah."

"So then what does having a dead parent equal?" Maxima inquired.

"Art skills," Sunni answered, hopping her happy little butt onto the counter.

Coryo made his way to her as the others gasped and told Sunni she was quote unquote "wrong for that" while trying not to laugh despite Sunni giving them permission to, when Sunni was laughing and laid his head on her shoulder.

She beamed at this sudden "affection," and gently scratched the top of his head.

"Hi, Cori," She whispered to him as the others, including Sejanus, started talking about things they could do for the first day of the festival.

"Hey, Sunshine," He murmured, his breath hot against her neck.

"You okay?" She asked, gently lifting his head to meet his semi-relaxed gaze.

"Just feel better around you," He lied to her. Well, he wasn't really lying, but he couldn't say he was claiming what's his. He couldn't scare her off. He wouldn't scare her off.

"Okay," She replied, smiling and letting him go back to nuzzling her. Fortunately for Coriolanus, Sunni didn't notice the hateful and murderous glare he was sending towards Nero, who was chatting absent-mindly with Maxima.

Late into the afternoon, once all the Academy students were settled, the group had set off to explore District 2 and everything that had been set up.

Games, of course, for the little kids who had rich families or the Academy kids who had younger siblings or students who wanted to relax and feel like a child again, but also dancing, music, and all sorts of different delicacies. It was so wonderful, filling, and fun that they all felt calm. Even with the occasional dead dad or divorced parents jokes, which Coryo learned were coping methods that Sunni and Viktor used to cope with the loss, everyone felt happy.

But Coryo wasn't happy. People were calling to Sunni, getting hugs and having her full attention. Sejanus, at one point, had to restrain Coryo from committing any more crimes again because a guy hugged Sunni for 2 minutes too long.

Sure, Sunni reassured him and said he was "just a friend," but Coryo had countered with "friend's don't have their hands way too low where they shouldn't be." Which eventually led to Sunni nodding but telling him he didn't need to jealous because they guy was 15 and just really tall. At that point, Coryo let it go and gave in but has held her close to him, not wanting anyone to pull her away from him. As the group walked to another restaurant to check out the place, Sejanus shot Coryo a text wearing a shit eating grin.

Sejanus: Not jealous, hm? You haven't let go of Sunni since we found out about the loud music lmfao

Seen

Coryo rolled his eyes, seeing the text. Of course, he wasn't going to let go of Sunni. People could've turned against her after she was transferred to the Capitol, for God's sake! He had to protect his girl, even from her own friends if he had to.

Then Sejanus sent Coryo another text, but it was a photo of Coryo with his arms around Sunni's waist and holding her small hands in his and he had his head on top of hers.

He smiled a little at the picture and saved it to his phone before putting his phone in his pocket.

He'd make that his lockscreen later.

Tags: @etfrin @hearts4court @snows-wife @delusionalbunni @kiraflowersworld @victory-scream0462 @curled-hair-red-lips @morallygrayboys @phoward89 @xoxo-eyeballs @thereeallink @graciouslyc @acidaciruela @wanda-maximoff-enthusiast @firstworldproblemthings @nowitsmissing @poppyflower-22 @kuromismom7 @xjinnix @flw3rrr @plathsotherib @beaphobia @valeskafics @aoi-targaryen @elayasversion

[rainofthetwilight]

Would this scenario happen? Probably not but thats the beauty of fiction✨️

You wanna know who else will pull punches? You wanna know who understands what it feels like to want to feel important, powerful, useful just because he has been possessed by someone like that?

You wanna know who, despite everything. Would most likely not want to hurt his first student? You wanna know who probably understands what Arin is going through?

Who understands that resentment (he resented his father once)? That hatred (someone he knows hated him like that once)? Who time and time again have had people he cares about be villains?

If he could give all those people a chance. Why not you?

The situation was out of control; wolf warriors were everywhere, the gong was ringing in my ear louder than ever, we just got Kai back but at the same time 2 of the forbidden five was released, commands and orders were thrown and shouted in every direction.

But a midst it all.. there was you

You never felt you were good enough

You were hurt and misguided

You who were confused and felt small

You who i won't be able to understand but yet i understand fully at the same time

You who switched on us, but i forgive you

Because your a student and i'm the teacher. Your a child and i'm the adult (yet i was your age for the worst parts of my life)

You fought with our teachings (my teachings), you used all your knowledge that you know about us. I'm proud

You avoided me, despite everything you didn't want to hurt me. You fought with everyone else tho (even sora)

I could never hurt you, but i can tell the gong makes you want to hurt me. Its chipping away your kindness, your resentment is growing.

Before i knew it we were fighting, you knew my every move, but i'm more experienced

But i could never hurt you

Dodge. Parry. Dodge

Your technique is great and i could see you using the teachings we've shown you.. i've shown you

But i could never hurt you

Dodge. Parry. Swing. Dodge. Parry. Jump. Dodge. Parry

You were screaming; yelling. I was quiet

I asked why? Because i could never understand yet i understand so much it hurts.

I've seen this before and it hurts everytime

(I could never really learn could I?)

But i could never hurt you

You knew all about us, i've listened to your rambles about us, did you know about pythor? The quiet one? My dad?

Deep down i knew you just wanted to be useful, to be seen, power was just a disguise wasn't it?

Dodge. Parry. Dodge

You screamed about how i didn't understand, couldn't understand.. because i was the green ninja, i was always important, powerful, chartered in every prophecy and history books. How right and wrong you are

But i could never hurt you. So i kept quiet

Dodge. Dodge.

You started crying, you were hurt. Despite me trying not to hurt you i still hurt you. You were getting sloppy, your emotions getting the better of you. You were as much the child you truly are (yet you are older than i was)

I didn't wanna fight you anymore

I heard yelling in the distance, but your tears stopped me from listening

...

I let you hit me, the gong was ringing in the distance but i knew it won't effect you anymore

I held you, you were hitting me. But i could never hurt you

I told you how much i cared, how much i love you, how much i see myself and others in you. How important you are to ME and others, how you were always good enough; your mind was just being cruel to you. How amazing you are, how despite not being written a prophecy you managed to be something incredible. How much your parents would've still loved you, how proud they are. How proud I AM

You stopped hitting me (thats good because i stopped feeling and thats bad)

You started crying again, but not of hurt. Because of guilt

But thats okay, i've felt this before and i forgive you

You were apologizing, you held me as if you were scared. I could hear someone screaming (Kai seems distressed.. we should check up on him)

I held you

I could never hurt you

..

.

.

I could never hur-

"Lloyd-"

OH. OH OKAY. OH. I SEE HOW IT IS.

GODDAMNITBDNSNFNWMRBFMWNDNDJSJ WHAT THE FUCK....DHSNNGNSMFNQKQKEKDNKS WHY AM I ACTUALLY ABOUT TO CRY HOLY SHIT????????

UGHDHJDBFNDNDNFNFN TUMBLR USER MAIPRIM I LOVE YOU (/P) FOR THIS WHAT THE HELL

AKSJDJSJNRNANWN DUDE.....THE WAY YOU ACKNOWLEDGED HOW THIS WASN'T THE FIRST TIME LLOYD SAW SOMEONE HE CARES ABT BECOME EVIL...WHAT THE FUCK /POS

HOW HE KNOWS HOW ARIN FEELS...HE KNOWS...HE KNOWS HOW HURT HE FEELS HE KNOWS THAT FEELING AUSGDJRJRJJWJRJEJW

HE FORGIVES HIM BC HE'S STILL A CHILD...BC HE KNOWS HOW HE FELT THE SAME WAY ONCE....OUDGDHEJWNKWJFJQJENDJSJSKWKKWKWK

UGDHHDHDBDJDN OH MH GOD YOU LITERALLY POPPED OFF WITH THIS I CAN TALK ABT SO MANY THINGS???? THIS PERMENANTLY ALTERED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY HOLY DSMFJKSNDKDMQMMDMSMFMD

I AM GONNA KEEP THIS SPINNING AROUND IN MY HEAD FOREVER WHAT....WHATTTRRNSMENFKWKRKRKKDMTMW

I DON'T THINK JUST KEYBOARD SPAMMING WOULD EXPLAIN HOW INSANE I AM OVER THIS?????????? MY EYES LEGITMATELY WENT WIDE??????

[hmshermitcraft]

I thought the "x goes to the life server to see what's up" ask was going to end with, "x went to the death games and had a great time bc hes doomguy"

The vast majority of the time the hermits have known x, he's been a very friendly, goofy, mild mannered admin. He takes care of them, protects them, and loves them with all his heart. What they don't know about x, is that he has not always been this way.

X is a man born of divine violence, he has fought to be kind, clawed his way out of hell for another chance more than twice and defeated the final sin. All in a metaphorical past life, it's been hundreds of thousands of years since he's done anything like that, and he has no desire to go back.

But...he will say that the life server feels familiar in a way he nearly can't remember. Nearly.

Once he goes red, all bets are off the table. His diamond sword feels like the crucible in his hands and his friends and lovers smell like hellwalkers. Xisuma has so. much. fun. Cutting them down, spilling their blood, it's refreshing, he's present for every second of it and in the back of his mind he knows the regret and shame of his actions will crush him to dust, he knows that his hermits won't ever see him in the same way, but he's busy right now.

He wins, and is sent back to hermicraft where he begins his tour of regaining the trust of his family. Etho is the easiest to win over again, saying that everything that happened is forgiven and forgotten as long as x tells him where the hell he learned to use a sword like that. And grian is the hardest. It takes some coaxing from the rafters, lots of soft kisses, hours of explanation and apologies for how he acted.

X doesn't wear his armor anymore and never brings out any weaponry around anyone. grian still isn't totally comfortable and Cleo won't turn her back to him. He understands and hopes that he can leave his last behind for good someday.

That day finally comes years later. Grian knocks on his door in the dead of night and asks him to help preen. Xisuma welcomes him in and coaxes new pinfeathers out of their protective casings with gentle ease. Grian falls asleep as x holds him close, stroking through his hair.

Cleos gone back to playfully punching his arm and sprawling over his work when they want attention, unafraid to bare their neck, to be vulnerable.

Pearl perches on his shoulders and leans down for a kiss, scar asks him out on dates, Bdubs curls up with him in the dark.

Things are good, and the games have never come back, apparently satisfied with his debut performance enough to leave them all alone.

Ough this got so much longer than I wanted it to be cause I need everything to work out and be ok in the end. Sorry lads

-s

Xisuma knows the road in life isn't always a straightforward one, but he's still disgusted with himself for his actions. He scared nobody more than himself.

That bloodlust should be reserved for threats, not the hermits he loves so dearly. He would've gone his entire life without them seeing that side of him if he could.

He acquiesces to any request asked of him for a while, hoping to earn back that trust. He announces himself when walking into a room, pays attention to his footsteps, keeps his weapon tucked away.

It's Cleo who calls him out on it eventually. X had spent most of his week grinding because Impulse just so happened to mention needing a resource. Just like any dressing down, it's a good one. And it ends with them knocking the back of his head and telling him, "We don't care who you were before this. We don't really care for you moping around like this, though Scar probably enjoys it. We just want our stupid admin that listens to metal too loud and can't read a book to save his life back."

Xisuma... He can do that. With time, but he can do it.