#I finally gained the motivation and inspiration to finish it ^w^

[snickeruwu]

A message to my fellow AvA/M fans:

(Song used: without tears [0:16-0:45])

[albed-hoe]

i have finally arrived 🤭🤭

OKAY I’LL GIVE U A FEW SCENARIOS I GOT IN MIND AND YOU’RE FREE TO EXPAND ON WHICHEVER ONE YOU WANT TO (idm gender neutral reader but was hoping for male :D )

REVERSE COMFORT: m!reader comforting poor lyney after the most recent 4.1 archon quest. (SPOILERS: after freminet has been moved the the medical area)

so lyney is really worried for his brother (it takes place before he’s fully up) and we’re jus hugging him and reassuring him that he’ll be okay bc we’re husband material like that 💪🏻

˚₊‧꒰ა💉໒꒱ ‧₊

FLUFF: i was thinking maybe the m!reader is a popular fontainian singer/popstar/dancer or anything that gains him popularity, and hence builds up a mass fanclub of ladiessss (if yk where i’m goin w this🤭)

so maybe we could get some jealous lyney up in here and m!reader feels bad for him so after the performance he takes lyney up on stage and gives a smooch on the cheek 😭

˚₊‧꒰ა💉໒꒱ ‧₊

ANGST (with comfort bc my heart cannot physically take angst with no comfort): OKAY KINDA INSPIRED BY SOMEONE ELSES IDEA BUT KINDA DIFFERENT!

m!reader got those richly rich strict ass parents who don’t approve of him dating someone as low as a magician (he’s also a guy but i’m taking this down a different root) and they aren’t abusive but they are pretty neglectful and strict on him.

reader finally had enough of their bs tho and him and lyney (with lynette & freminet ofc) run away to snezhnaya and have the reader work for the house of the hearth w them.

AND (bc i never shut up) then a few years pass when lyney finally takes over for the knave they waltz back into fontaine together with m!reader being his 2nd in command (once again, alongside freminet and lynette bc wherever he goes they go)

˚₊‧꒰ა💉໒꒱ ‧₊

PERSONAL FAVOURITE (i think abt this idea a LOT)

FOUND FAMILY /W COMFORT (heavily with freminet bc i love him sm HSNFEMCJEM)

basically m!reader went for a lil dive to get lyney some new flowers for his magic show later and he runs into freminet crying under the water

and ofc big brother instincts kick in 💪🏻 and we take him above shore and coddle him like how lyney would to freminet

AND THEN WE TAKE HIM HOME AND WE MEET UP W LYNEY AND HES JUS LIKE “OMG IF THIS MAN DOESNT PUT A RING ON MY FINGER RN IMMA LOOSE MY SHIT” because he adores the way m!reader looks out for his siblings the way he would.

(I HAVE ANOTHER VERSION OF THIS RQ WITH LYNETTE IF YOU EVER WANNA HEAR IT BTW)

˚₊‧꒰ა💉໒꒱ ‧₊

SPICY 😏😏😏:

i actually don’t have anything to much for this category but some simple spicy hc’s with a sub!lyney would be great (let’s be real this man isn’t dominating anyone). (he also has a breeding kink GOODBYE)

Found Family (Freminet ver.)

Characters: Freminet & Lyney x M!Reader

Summary: After bringing his younger brother home, Lyney thinks he’s found his husband for life

Warnings: Slight angst to comfort, Freminet crying, Lyney being hopelessly in love and shyyyy

Word count: 767

A/n: Okay first of all I’m so sorry for disappearing for like a year and a half… I totally lost motivation and finished university in the meantime and now I’m looking for a job but no one is hiring me so yay? TYSM FOR THIS REQUEST LY LOTS🤩 I might write some of the other ones too? Might make a poll for which one to do next cuz I’m undecided… Anyways THIS ONE GOES OUT TO THE MALE READER COMMUNITY!!! I fell in love with Lyney and still (I think?) have yet to come across a Lyney x male reader fic😫 So here is my contribution! I ALSO HAVE REQUESTS OPEN SO FEEL FREE TO REQUEST LYNEY X M!READER STUFF PLS AND TYYYYY

It was a warm afternoon as you got your scuba gear on, preparing to dive in the depths of Fontaine on a mission to look for flowers for your beloved boyfriend, Lyney’s, magic show tonight. You latched in your helmet and dove below the surface, sighing in satisfaction at the cool water enveloping your body after having been sweating all day. The fish danced around you happily and the rays flapped their wings gracefully on their way to find places to float around.

You reached the seabed, swimming around and beginning to collect the flowers that your boyfriend had requested. You stop after a few seconds to listen to a sound you could not initially identify. Listening closely, you follow the sounds of what seem to be sniffles over a ridge of sand. Peeking over the edge, you see a little blue form with a diving helmet on, balled up with his head in the pit of his elbow.

“Freminet?” You swam up to the form, recognizing Lyney’s younger brother, a sad expression on the screen of your diving helmet. You begin to rub circles into his back as he sniffles, embarrassed to have been found crying alone. “What happened?” You offer him a warm smile, encouraging him to confide in you.

“*Sniff* I- I made a fool of myself in the Court of Fontaine today… I- *sniff* I fell and dropped a whole basket of peaches…” Taking pity on him, you ask him if he wants a hug, then you pull him into your arms and rub comforting circles on his back.

“Wanna go back up? I’ll walk you home.” The boy nods and you swim back up with him in your arms.

Arriving on the beach, you take off his diving helmet and reveal his red, puffy eyes. You internally coo at how cute he looks but remember that he is in a vulnerable state and mentioning what he looks like would likely not be appropriate at the moment. So, after cupping a comforting hand on his cheek, you take his hand and walk him home.

Arriving at the triplets’ door (I know they aren’t all related, but for simplicity’s sake…), you knock and wait for the light pads from inside to reach you. The door swings open to reveal Lyney in his pajamas with a surprised expression.

“Y-Y/n! And Freminet!” He blushes slightly at having noticed you before his own younger brother and at having been seen in pajamas by someone he has been trying to impress. You gently push Freminet in front of you, handing him over to Lyney who hugs him shortly, ruffles his hair, then passes him on to Lynette who takes his hand, nods at you thankfully, then takes him into the home. Lyney steps out onto the porch and closes the door behind him.

“Uh… Thanks for taking my brother home. He can disappear better than myself, sometimes…” He rubs the back of his neck, a little embarrassed at the situation. You had only declared each other officially boyfriends about a month prior, so the whole relationship thing was a new concept to the ‘suave’ Lyney the public knew. It pleasantly surprised you to discover that he was actually very easy to fluster, making for a very cute boyfriend to tease occasionally.

“Yeah, no problem. I found him on the seabed crying while I was looking for your flowers, so I comforted him and brought him here. Oh, here you go by the way.” You hand him the flowers he needed for his show while smiling warmly at him. The tips of his ears immediately reddened, both at his immediate thoughts of marriage and at what the offer of flowers looked like. He knew this was not a love confession or anything of the sort, but the current situation could have fooled an outside observer.

He stepped forward and threw his arms around you, sandwiching the flowers between the two of you. He buried his face in your neck in an attempt to hide his face exploding with heat.

“… I love you…” That was all he managed to say after a few moments. You laughed, placing a kiss on the top of his head.

“I love you too, but… Watch the flowers.” He pulled himself away from you immediately, realizing he was damaging his precious show flowers.

“AH! Sorry! Uhm… Did you wanna come inside for a bit?” He looked into your eyes with a shy smile on his face, his cheeks and ears still red from before.

“I’d love to.” You said, your eyes locked on his.

Aur my gawdddd this was my first fic in a loooong time I’m so sorry if it was ass… THIS WAS CUTE AND I LOVE FREMINET TOO, PLS LEMME HEAR THE LYNETTE VERSION OF THIS😎

[arvinsescape]

Free

A/N: I finally got my new laptop and was able to write again so I wrote an idea that’s been in my head for a while, it’s loosely inspired by Luther, a series that I’ve re watched recently, I hope you all enjoy.

Summary: Tom just knows you had something to do with your husbands murder. His problem? He can’t prove it.

Warnings: Swearing. Smut, unprotected sex (wrap it up, condoms are a barrier from many things), oral (Fem receiving), mentions of murder, talks of an abusive relationship. (Minors do not engage). I think that’s all.

This is purely a work of fiction. I accept constructive criticism. 

W/C: 3.6K

You were driving Tom insane, he knew, in his gut, he was so sure that you had something to do with your husband’s disappearance. The case had landed itself on his desk when missing persons had deemed it a murder case, even without a body. Could he find the hard evidence that linked you to the murder? No. Was he sure it was you? A thousand per cent. Your case had been dropped months ago but he couldn’t get it or you out of his head.

“Tell me what happened?” Tom asked as he sat opposite you for the first time.

“I’ve already answered all of these questions.” You replied, Tom could tell you were nervous, you had a hard expression, but he saw straight through it.

“I don’t believe some of the answers that you gave.” He said as interlocked his hands on the desk, leaning slightly closer to you.

“I’m not really bothered what you believe, it’s what happened.” You fired back.

“People don’t just disappear.”

“Sure, they do. That’s what missing person’s is for, right?” You said as you cocked an eyebrow at him and he almost smiled, slightly enamored by the way you were handling his questioning. He’d gained a reputation for getting people to crack, but you? You seemed unfazed by his line of questioning.

Ultimately Tom had had to let you go because he couldn’t find the evidence, he needed to convict you. It drove him mad, it had him stumped for months just trying to figure out how you’d done it. How you’d evaded his thorough analysis of your property and workplace. You were smart, that was glaringly obvious to him, every time he thought he’d found something, he came up short.

A week ago, he’d found himself with a similar case on his desk, only this time the body was found. Again, there wasn’t much evidence but there were so many similarities between your case and this one. He found himself up for hours cross referencing your case file and this one, although the woman they suspected this time wasn’t as intelligent as you were, she’d lied about her alibi. Unlike you she’d said she was with a friend who denied it. You on the other hand had said you were at home all day and he couldn’t confirm that as truth and so this evidence became inadmissible in court.

He’d found himself on your doorstep, almost wanting to beg for your help, it was strange, he’d never felt like he needed anyone else’s help before yet here he was outside your door.

“Detective Holland. A man I thought I’d never seen again.” You said once you opened your door. He couldn’t help but note how beautiful you looked, he shook the thought away as he showed his badge and entered your home.

“Mrs. Leigh, I need your help.” He said in a matter-of-fact manner, he noted the small smile that had appeared on your lips and fought his own back, yours was so contagious.

“It’s Miss L/N now.” You politely corrected him.

“My apologies.”

“What could you possibly need my help with?”

“A case I’m trying to solve.”

“Forgive me but I’m not sure how I could be of help to you.” You said with furrowed brows.

“I think you could.”

He talked you through the case and his theories, all the holes in stories and suspicious behavior and you just drank it all in, nodding in certain places but ultimately you kept quiet. It wasn’t until e was done that you spoke.

“I mean, and this is all hypothetical, you’d hide the weapon in plain sight.” You answered as you made your way over to your fridge.

“That would be stupid though.” Tom said confidently, there was no way he’d missed something that was in plain sight. He watched as you pulled the bottle of wine from the fridge with a sigh. What had urged you to help him was beyond you, but a part of you knew that your case still haunted him, and you somehow felt guilty for it.

“People like you will always overlook stupid.” You said with a confidence he couldn’t quite place.

“So, you’re saying if someone wanted to hide evidence, they’d do it in plain sight because we’d overlook it?” Tom was bewildered, there was no way that this could be true, he’d spent hours going over the case files, there’s no way he missed such major evidence such as the murder weapon. He watched as you nodded mindlessly before digging through the drawer for a bottle opener.

“The autopsy report indicates a stab wound to the neck.” He continued. “They bled out. I’ve searched that house and I couldn’t find a single knife small enough to fit that wound.” He spoke. He knew the evidence for this case was in the house, the timing of everything would not have given the perpetrator any time to hide evidence away from the house.

He watched as you took the cork out of the bottle, once you’d removed the cork you placed the bottle opener on the counter, the tiny blade used for taking the paper lining off the bottle top was shining at him, almost mocking him.

“I could think of a few.” You hummed as you filled a wine glass. Tom was filled with excitement as he realized you were right, the small knife was easily concealed within the opener, he had overlooked it, not thought for a second that such a small knife was in the most basic household item.

“All I need to do is tie the murder weapon to her and case closed.” He beamed and you smiled, genuinely smiled for the first time since Tom had met you and he couldn’t help but return it, he really was enamored with you.

“Case closed.” You smiled as you sipped from your wine glass.

You had started to infect the young detective’s thoughts in a different way. He used to obsess over how you’d done it and now he was more obsessed as to why. He couldn’t understand how a woman like you, who was so quiet, kind and charismatic could have harmed another person. He started to wonder if he was wrong, if you’d had anything to do with it at all but his gut told him you did.

All the evidence for his current case came together and the victim’s wife had gone to prison for his murder, pleading guilty. She’d killed him because she wanted his money. He thought back to your case, your husband had had a lot of money, but he couldn’t see that being your motive, he couldn’t think of anything that would motivate you to murder someone. Over the time it took him to gather the evidence, he’d sought out your help more than once and he’d become enchanted by you, he found you intriguing, he wanted to get to know you better.

He wondered if that was what had brought him to your doorstep yet again. He should have been out celebrating the win, but he found himself outside your door. He knocked and wondered if you’d answer, it was late, he noted but he found himself hoping you’d open your door for him. When he heard the lock click his heart raced with excitement, he hoped you’d have that lovely smile on your face that you always had.

“Detective.” You smiled and he laughed.

“Tom.” He corrected and you smiled wider at him.

“What brings you to my doorstep Tom?”

“I wanted to thank you.”

“Thank me?”

“I’m not sure I’d have found that evidence had it not been for our chat, so thank you.”

“Well, you’re welcome. Did you want to come in? I’ve just opened a bottle of red.” You asked with that oh so contagious smile.

“How could I refuse?” He said as he made his way passed you and into the living room that he’d become so familiar with.

A bottle of red wine shared between the two later had them both feeling slightly tipsy. Tom knew he should probably make a move, but he didn’t want to, not unless you wanted him to. He found he very much enjoyed your company and wanted to stay in it as long as possible.

“Thank you for helping me finish the wine.” You smiled.

“Favor returned?” He smirked and you laughed.

“Sure. I suppose I won’t see you now.” You thought aloud.

“I suppose not.” He said, you’d moved closer to each other now, faces inches apart. “Unless you want to help me solve more cases.” He continued.

“I don’t think you’ll need my help again.” You said quietly, eyes flicking from each other’s eyes to each other’s lips.

“You never know.” He answered as quietly as you had. Tom licked his lips in anticipation, he probably shouldn’t be entertaining the idea of kissing you, but he couldn’t help it. You hummed in response as your noses brushed one an other’s. He couldn’t stop himself as he closed the small distance between you.

Your lips met in a desperate kiss, his hands finding your hair as you fisted his shirt in a desperate attempt to pull him closer to you. His mind felt blank as he became completely consumed by thoughts of you and what he wanted to do to you. He’d found you attractive the second he’d brought you in for questioning all those months ago but the more he’d gotten to know you the more he found you attractive. The rational part of his brain that was telling him this might be dangerous shut off as bit your bottom lip and you moaned slightly.

Your lips disconnected as you both needed air, both as breathless as each other. You looked at him and the look in your eyes drove him wild, your beautiful eyes were looking back at him completely list blown. He reconnected your lips as you straddled him, his hands finding your waist, lifting your shirt slightly to feel your skin.

“Bedroom?” He asked through a breath as your lips briefly disconnected.

“Upstairs, third door on the right.” You said quickly before reconnecting your lips, the kiss was hot and heavy as Tom stood, carrying you effortlessly to your bedroom, not breaking the kiss for a second. As soon as he found himself in your room, you both fell onto the bed, Tom’s back hitting the mattress. He almost moaned as you rocked your hips into his, the friction causing him to stiffen even more than he thought possible.

“You’re so fucking hot.” He said as he sat up, his lips connecting with your neck. You rolled your head back to give him more access and he took the opportunity to trail kisses down your throat, listening to the small gasps you were exhaling. He was more aroused than he’d ever been in his life, he felt completely drunk off you.

“Tom, I really want you to fuck me.” You spoke and Tom groaned at the filthy words that left your mouth, he wasn’t expecting it.

“Wanna taste you first.” He spoke as he flipped you both over, your back easily hitting the mattress as your lips reconnected. He trailed kisses down your neck as his hands went to the hem of your shirt, pulling it from you effortlessly. He unclipped your bra and threw both your shirt and bra onto the floor. Kissing down your chest as he took a nipple into his mouth, slightly grazing it with his teeth before licking and sucking at it.

Your moans grew louder, and Tom found himself entranced by the sounds you were making, he doesn’t recall ever being with anyone who sounded as pretty as you did. He continued his attention on your nipples, switching from one to the other.

“Tom, please.” You begged and he smirked against your skin.

“What?” He asked as he made eye contact with you, his fingers moving to roll your nipple.

“I need you to move lower.” You moaned.

“Whatever you want baby.” He spoke as he placed a final kiss to your breast before moving down your body.  

He quickly removed your shorts and groaned when he realized you didn’t have underwear on. He looked at your glistening heat and almost moaned at how wet you were for him.

“So wet, look at this.” He said as he ran a finger through your folds. “I’ve barely touched you and your soaked.” He smirked as you rolled your head back into the pillow.

“Please.” You begged as he let out a breath over your heat, watched as you jolted slightly from the sensation. “Tom.” You moaned as he ran his tongue through your heat.

“You taste fucking amazing.” He said before practically diving in, sucking your clit as he listened to your moans. He continued to lick and suck at your clit as he heard your moans grow louder, you must have been close he thought to himself as he sucked your clit and listened to the high-pitched moan you released.

He felt as your hand moved to his hair, almost keeping him still as he continued to lick and suck at your clit, your hips bucking up to meet his movements and e found it so incredibly hot, the way you’d started to use his face to almost get yourself off was driving him wild.

You let out a moan of his name as your orgasm crashed through you, Tom felt your legs shake and helped you through your intense orgasm, feeling proud of himself for not disappointing you. Once you’d come down from your high, he pulled away, moving back up your body, your legs continuing to shake through your aftershocks.

“So perfect.” He mumbled as he gave you a quick kiss, taking in the blissful expression on your face. “Did so well for me. Fucking hot.” He said again as you removed his shirt, placing a kiss onto his chest. You continued pressing kisses to his chest as he fumbled with his belt, almost getting frustrated as it got caught.

“Here.” you said as your hands took over, taking his belt into your own hands, undoing it almost like it was second nature to you. He found it all the more of a turn on. You made short work of his pants; they found their place with the rest of the clothes on the floor of your bedroom.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” He asked.

“Yes. I want you to fuck me Tom.”

It was all the confirmation he needed as he slipped into you, both of you moaning at the contact. Fuck, you felt good, almost perfect for him. You were both a moaning mess as he thrusted into you over and over again. His hand gripping your thigh to hoist it higher around his waist. You almost screamed as he found your g spot from his new angle, your nails clawing at his back which only made him thrust into you harder.

“Fuck, that feels good, you feel so fucking amazing.” He said as he felt you clench around him. He shifted your leg higher to get an even better angle on your g spot as he continuously pounded into you, listening to your moans of his name. he felt his own orgasm approach as you tightened around him, he knew you were close, and he watched in awe as you reached your own hand to your clit and started to rub it.

“That’s it baby.” He said and after a few more thrusts he felt you come around him which brought on his own orgasm, he removed himself from your tight heat and released his load all over your stomach with a moan of your name.

It took you both a good few minutes to recover, he was collapsed on top of you as you ran your fingers through his hair. He kissed your shoulder every few minutes and found himself more happy and content than he’d been in a long time. He removed himself from the top of you and went into the bathroom to find a warm cloth to wash the two of you off.

Once you were both cleaned up he laid in your bed with your head on hi chest as you slept soundly, and he ran his hands through your hair. He was deep in thought as he thought about your case and what had happened and now he was dying to know what had driven you to commit such an act. He was so sure in his gut you’d done it but having you here in the state you were he wondered how you could harm an insect, let alone another person.

“I wish you’d tell me what happened. Just be honest, everything’s different now. I’d want you to confide in me as your partner not see me as a detective who’s looking to lock you away. Fuck Princess, I think I’d move the Earth if you asked me to.” He whispered and he meant it, he didn’t want this time with you to end, he was so infatuated with you by this point. He fell asleep after a while, thoughts of you completely on his mind.

**

“I need to know how you did it.” He spoke after a while of you both being awake, you were spooning now as his hand rubbed your bare skin, he pressed a kiss to your bare shoulder.

“You’ve read the file.” You spoke.

“That says you didn’t do it, but I know you did Princess.”

“My case is closed, why don’t you leave it at that?”

“I can’t. I’m obsessing over it.”

“I’ve already told you.” You said after a while and Tom furrowed his brows as he turned you onto your back so he could look at you.

“No. You haven’t.” He spoke carefully, maybe he’d missed something, a confession maybe.

“For a Detective Inspector, you can be pretty stupid.” You laughed and he thought on your words for a second. Thought about how much help you’d been and what you’d said, of course you knew how this woman had done it, it was how you’d done it. The only difference was that you’d managed to dispose of the body.

“So, you did do it?” He said quietly, a small part of him was proud he was right, his gut was never wrong, but the bigger part of him wondered why.

“You just need to prove it.” You said as a tear made its way down your cheek. Of all the things Tom expected, this wasn’t one of them, he wasn’t expecting you to cry.

“Hey,” he said as he swiped the tear away with his thumb. “Tell me what happened.” He urged in the most comforting manner he could, he needed you to know you could trust him with this.

“Have you ever felt trapped? That’s how he made me feel, like I had no way out. I tried to leave him so many times, but he wouldn’t let me, he had me by the throat and it felt like he was squeezing the life out of me.” You said through your tears and Tom’s heart dropped, this wasn’t a usual case where the wife murders the husband for a payout. “He wasn’t the nice rich guy everyone thought he was, he hit me, took all his anger out on me but I could never prove it, if I had bruises I wasn’t allowed to leave the house until they weren’t visible, which wasn’t often. I snapped.” You spoke and he pulled you into a hug.

“Y/N…” He said and you interrupted him.

“But it never matters to people like you. You don’t give leeway for the small amount of people who had no other choice. That’s why I never came clean, never admitted to what I’d done, I didn’t want him to trap me any more than he had, I didn’t want to go to prison because of him.” You said as you finally let the tears out that you’d kept in for so many months.

You hadn’t intended to kill him; it was an accident. You cried for ten minutes as Tom held you, placing comforting kisses to your temple. Something about finally telling the truth was freeing, you knew he could and would probably arrest you for this, but it felt good to finally tell someone the truth that was eating away at you.

“I’m not going to do anything.” Tom spoke after a while.

“What?” You asked through sniffles as your tears ceased.

“I understand now. You’ve been punished enough. Your secret is safe with me.” He said sincerely and you believed him, but you didn’t want to drag him down with you.

“You could lose your job, go to prison if anyone found out.” You said and he kissed your cheek.

“They won’t, your case has become a cold one. There’s still no body, I doubt they’ll reopen the case.” He said through a small smile. He didn’t want to ask what you’d done with the body, he assumed you were clever enough to make sure it was never found and if it was he would make sure none of the evidence led to you, he would make sure that all the evidence ran dry, he felt like he would do anything for you.

“So, I’m free?” You spoke, hope lacing every word.

“You’re free baby.”

[dreamsclock]

hey i don’t get sappy a lot (<- lying) but i just wanna say thank u to everyone who made the past year so memorable. we gained over 2k followers here which is crazy !! dreamsclock rlly kicked off in february 2021 so it’s kind of insane we did so much this year :))

i posted my first dsmp fic last december and since then i’ve posted over thirty, which we made a strong start on this year and will finish next year !!!! i wrote 300k words and we FINISHED speculum + a place to call home + only have one chapter left of checkmate, which i can’t wait to finish. on top of that, we all did a dreblr secret santa which was Amazing to see everyone’s hard work and creativity — AND HEY, WE SURVIVED THE DISCOURSE !!!!!

some of the most memorable parts of my dreblr year:

sunny’s prison counter fic with a whopping 200+ chapters

moss’s horrific prison cat post . (/lh)

everyone mistaking my username for Not Dreamsclock .

C!DREAM BREAKING OUT OF PRISON!!!

NAT GETTING A DREAMFANART FOLLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

….

okay i’ll mention it . “the only universal language is language.”

JOKES ASIDE, i just wanna thank everyone for the year i’ve had. things have been super super rough this year for me and dreblr / tumblr has been such a bright spot in my life. i won’t tag people because im scared of missing people out (Adhd Brain 😻) and i don’t think i Could tag everyone who’s made my year amazing anyway ?? there are so many and if you’ve ever interacted with me, either as a friend or on anon, either once or every day, either with a prompt or compliment re: writing or Joke or Threat (/lh) or something random, just know that i appreciate it more than i can say !! i love memeing around on this blog and generally doing bits and never really being serious but from the bottom of my heart thank you :] it may sound silly but you all inspire me and keep me motivated to write / stay positive, and i really appreciate that !!!

what’ll the new year look like for sparrow dreamsclock ?? WHO KNOWS !! definitely streaming, definitely more writing. HOPEFULLY more analysis if/when we get more lore. more memes and more dumb jokes and more funny bits because i make Being Dumb part of my personality and im proud of it >:) Hopefully i’ll do really well this year at uni, hopefully i’ll write my own books and finish my fics, hopefully i’ll finally finish editing that video and get it out — im p confident in myself !! nothing to lose anyway :))

but ANYWAY !! don’t want this to get too long (it already is) but BASICALLY thank you for everything. this year has been EPIC and it couldn’t have been so good W/o all of you. im really looking forward to the new year and can’t wait to see what amazing things we’re all gonna do :))

dreblr is amazing, thank you for making me smile every day

LOTS OF LOVE!

SPARROW DREAMSCLOCK

[vminity21]

+1 | kth

Pairing: HighschoolCrush!Taehyung X StillProcessingIt!Reader

Word Count: 4.3k

Genre: angst/fluff/smut

Warning(s): slight language use, angst (if you read b/w the lines), pretty much smutty kissing, hand groping, mention of alcohol, breast worship, nipple play; Rated: 18+

Summary: When a crush you had in high school unexpectedly returns to your life six years later, this is the experience you have with him when you collected the courage to invite him over to hangout.

Credit to: @suhdays​ for the amazing cover!

Inspiration comes in the form of little expectancy especially when life seems to throw a curveball you never dreamed would be a potential possibility; but, here you are, tapping upon the keyboard of your five-year-old laptop decorated in stickers of celebs you've admired over the years mingled with relevant quotes that have bustled yet again- inspiration that motivates you day by day to continue to be the human being that you are. Inspiration though can appear in lyrical melodies broadcasted globally for millions to pine over; or, published in numerous pages creating imaginary worlds where ones can escape to; or, sketched in a meticulous design to build whatever idea had been desired to come to life; or, filmed in scenes of an edited story by talented persons determined to enter the spotlight in any way they can; or, painted along a canvas in colors of calculated detail bringing forth the picture of accomplishment. Inspiration derives from a mere moment- one that sparks the instinct to gather the materials needed to pour out your heart in ways that may bring a sense of peace.

For you, it used to be in the lines of a song penciled into a crinkled notebook from your backpack hidden away for no one to discover; it used to be countless childhood journals where you expressed your inward battles in order to find enough solace to sleep at night. You've lost your touch over the years because life changes in the blink of an eye, as you grow older, and work can distract from the time taken to focus on yourself; thankfully graduating college to gain the degree you now behold landed you a job, one you hope lasts for many years, and you are currently living in a two-bedroom apartment with your best friend, Monica, who's presently slumbering as you brush some loose strands of hair from your vision.

Your dog is curled at the end of your bed as you write, which is something that you haven't done in what feels like forever, but the reasoning behind this sporadic urge ignited when the familiar pair of brown eyes from six years prior, re-entered your world without your preparation and his presence from a recent night shared seems to echo in every space of your brain to where you've finally had enough. It's about time to reach out, the devil on your shoulder whispers, but the angel sitting on the opposite begs to differ. Shaking your head, you pause momentarily, cracking your knuckles before resting your forehead on the desk, exhaling slowly while the memory of his touch seems to haunt your skin.

He was someone you once admired in high school- roaming the hallways where girls giggled giddily each time he'd pass by; star of the basketball team, rising popularity to the point everyone knew his name, collecting homework answers from budding friendships, and it all began once he started his junior year at a new school- the school where you attended. But the difference that set him apart from the typical cliché's of the prevalent students you never seemed to relate to, was that he talked to absolutely everybody and anybody- no judgment on what group the person took part in, his kindness won the hearts of many other than the evident attraction of his physical features. He didn't care who you were or what you were into, he would be your friend, and that, considering he was viewed on a higher level, made him even more special.

Despite never admitting it then, you had a crush on him. He was more of an acquaintance, but you enjoyed his company when he came around, and when a past friend, who is now married with a few kids, used to have a crush on the same person, your heart sank, because with every guy thinking she was hot, you felt as though you would never stand a chance. Especially not with this guy who made your hands jittery and the beat in your chest skip- the guy who is none other than Kim Taehyung.

Taehyung would frequent the chorus room at times when you and your past friend would practice music pieces and he always was fond of your singing voice- something he praised you for often, while his attention was received from his talent regarding sports. Something he was so good at that it was spread that he may have gained quite the scholarship for college if he decided to go. There were memories of bravery where you seized the day just to steal a conversation and a hug; at one time, scribbling the words 'hot af' with an arrow pointing where he signed your friend, Min Yoongi's, yearbook; Yoongi playing it off as though he had no idea who the culprit was when Taehyung asked who wrote it. Utter surprise can't even fathom when you along with Taehyung were voted 'Most Likely to be Famous' by your graduating class when senior year was conquered. The inside joke was for you to hold the basketball while he placed his hands upon the keys of a piano, the picture you still couldn't process happened, but always remained grateful for.

Six years flew by and the conversation never necessarily held, but there were the rare messages from social media where he'd reach out hoping all had been well with you. Interestingly enough, a cover you posted harmonizing with a fellow singer happened to be his absolute favorite, one of the few Instagram posts he'd commented on, and one of the few singing videos he continuously would listen to repeatedly without your knowledge until a few weeks ago when he revealed that to you. A cover that is now near to be a four-year-old video that he still finds uplifting when he hears you and the way your voice blended so well with the other female. Your mind is reeling because after all this time, and even now, there are remains of the aftershock, trying to forget the feel of him, when there's no way you can, not with everything so fresh on your mind. So fresh on your heart.

It all occurred when Yoongi, who kept in touch with you occasionally after graduation brought you up to Taehyung who happened to think of you earlier when listening to his favorite cover of yours, and he agreed he'd like to hang out. He asked if his friend, Hoseok could join you, Monica, and Yoongi which of course you said yes to learn how sweet you found it, that he had traveled within the span of a day after visiting his grandparents, because he is a man of his word, planned to come see you even though the drive was five hours out of his way. The night was filled with so much laughter mixed with serious conversations to the point the card game that was supposed to be played was never finished, and it sprung the desire of wanting to see Taehyung again, and you couldn't come to terms with never knowing so after some encouragement from Monnie and Yoongi, you messaged T to hang out a few days later, but never opened his reply until you were safely home from work.

Taehyung: Gotcha! Hmmm, I haven't decided on what I intend on doing. Either being with family or hanging out with friends. If I don't hang out with family, you could be my plus 1 or bring whomever or vice versa

[Y/N]: Sorry I just got home from work! I'll definitely be your plus 1 if hanging with family doesn't work out! Sounds like a plan!

He asked if you wanted anything from the store when it was confirmed he was on his way which you responded with your typical answer of no, and with music playing from your Bluetooth speaker, you were highly humiliated when you lost track of four minutes of time, opening a message from him to see that he had been there, at your door. Heart racing you rushed to unlock it, head spinning when you saw he leaned against the stair railing with a plastic bag of two Arbor Mist wine bottles dangling from his hand, him promising everything was fine despite your profuse apologies- him slipping his phone in his back pocket while he followed you into your home.

Monnie happened to be staying the night with her family, so it would be just the two of you tonight, besides your dog who bounced at his legs while he reached down to pet her fluffy head. Taking in the sight of him, now that was something you found hard to believe. Just a simple pair of jeans, a gray t-shirt with a black jacket complementing the dark tendrils of hair spread across his forehead leading to the carefully sculpted lining of his jaw nearly brought you to your knees, but you held it together long enough to settle across from him at your dining room table. He had taken off his shoes at the door remembering upon a few days prior, and he set out the wine while you jumped to retrieve wine glasses (Yoongi happened to purchase for you) while banter still related to greetings.

One thing that truly intrigued you when first seeing Taehyung after six years were words, he had said that touched your heart more than you'd like to profess. "That's why I try to enjoy every moment with people because you never know what day will be your last," and you knew right then, that if there was anyone you wanted to share a moment with, it was him, and there he was, right before you, smiling about something you said while the sound of the fruity liquid-filled each glass.

"I really truly do not understand what you are so afraid of. What do you even have to lose?" Monnie tinkered with the lens to her camera while she sauntered through the living room. Exasperated from anxiety, you sucked in your lips before teasingly throwing her the side-eye.

"My dignity,"

"Oh c'mon," she paused, lifting a brow. You had been talking nonstop on how bad you wanted to invite Taehyung over, but fear of rejection including the fear of humiliation seemed to overwhelm you, although deep down you knew your best friend in the entire world was correct. You did not nor do you have anything to lose.

"Well!" You squawked, raising your palms dramatically in the air before slapping them to the sides of your thighs, "Why the hell would Kim Taehyung ever want to hang out with me anyway? Do you not see how farfetched this all is?"

"Bold of you to assume that my life isn't already farfetched enough as it is-"

"Not! The point!"

Monnie sighed, and when she saw the way your shoulders slumped in disappointment that shouldn't have been an issue, to begin with, she stepped closer, placing her hand on your shoulder, "First off, you are overthinking this, and you shouldn't. Besides, I think after hanging out as a group, he only sees you as a friend, meaning no expectations. So, go into it with that mindset okay? I'm sure he'd love to hang out with you. Secondly," she smiled, her serene expression filled with promises she always kept, "You've waited six years for this. I think you should ask him to hang out."

"You really think so?" Your grin reached your hopeful eyes, and the feeling in your chest seemed to react more positively despite your earlier turmoil.

"Yeah. The dude owes us a chair anyways,"

"Ah!" You cackled, back pressed against the dining room table as you remembered literally a few days ago when Taehyung accidentally broke a spindle of the chair in half with his foot when Yoongi scared him just by suddenly walking down the hallway. "I don't think I've ever seen a man so embarrassed."

"I'm not saying to hold it over his head, but," Monnie held up her index finger, "I think that gives him enough reason to come back," she giggled, setting her camera on the dining room table before waltzing into the kitchen.

You shrugged, "At least we can still sit on it."

"Look at it, it's staring at me," Taehyung pointed swiftly at where the vacant spindle would have been, your laughter reverberated throughout the space.

"T, really, you do not owe us new chairs. I promise, it's fine," you reassured him, realizing your cheeks were sore from how much you'd been smiling since he entered your 'realm of refuge' as you liked to describe your apartment. He snapped a picture of it, probably with the intention of getting a new chair for you and Monica regardless, and you found that appreciative although you would be happy if he didn't.

Shit. You pause from the computer screen, leaning back into your chair before folding your arms tight across your chest. Eyeballing the cursor, your vision narrows as it blinks, waiting for you to add more words to the memory that seems to spin in a cycle with the subtle goal of not stopping. Or, so you figure. If recalling every little detail isn't already hard enough, reliving the reminiscence of his fingers twirling in your hair, his sweet laugh when he looked at you, or the way he held you so tight-

But, everything in between, leading up to those mesmerizing flashes are just as important to you as what it led to. Maybe it was the conversation- the three hours of conversation before the move to the sofa which it was hard to fully focus on what else was being said because how could you properly concentrate when the one person, you'd been so worried about spending time with was seriously conversing with you like the pair of you had been friends your whole lives?

Miraculously, you were able to gather the stories of past vacations that resulted in mild disappointment revolving around the complaints of people surrounding him, or the goal of visiting as many places as possible leading Taehyung to scribble down a list of where he'd been to reveal you both have equally been to the same amount of places. Of course, the thrill of going on a mini adventure with him brought an excitement you haven't felt in a while; even the story of why he was transferred to your high school years ago due to a misunderstanding, and when the pair of you made your way to the couch, he nestled into one corner while you gladly took the other, wishing you could snuggle closer but fear prevented you from doing so.

It seemed as though that he didn't want to watch the movie anyhow, because he talked to you as though he never wanted to stop, and eventually it led to you asking one too many times if he was okay with spending the rest of the night with you. "It's up to you, I'll stay if you want me too," he promised, the way your heart fluttered when you replied, "Yes, can you please stay? I don't want you to go."

"Alright, alright! I'll stay," he smiled widely, both of his large hands reaching out, and there was not one ounce of hesitation from you- your hands grasped his before your dog jumped to beg for attention, trying to lick at his face causing your hands to undo. Laughter was contagious with Taehyung, and still cuddled into the corner of the couch, you were so elated that he was going to stay, you reached to hug him, his arms wrapping around you, the feel of your bodies aligning putting the biggest smile on your face. It was crazy how everything was seeming to fall into place- the stars aligning as though it was all magic; and, you couldn't get past how right everything felt. How right he felt. Pulling away, his smile never left him, "Are you shy?" His arm remained draped around your shoulders, and timidly you peer at his surprised gape, his black hair almost covered his crescent eyes.

"I mean... Yeah, I can be," you murmured, reaching to hug him again, but something washed over you this time, a thought that had crossed your mind repeatedly that you just couldn't take it anymore. The side of his face was blurred, placing your palm upon his cheek, and without even a moment of doubt, you kissed him. A sudden decision, but one of the best ones you could have made.

His lips were so soft, the way his mouth just seemed to mold with yours for only a few mere seconds, and the shock on his face when you pulled away, paired with the realization that his hands were held in the air, you hadn't expected his reaction. Shit! You cursed inwardly, immediately jumping back to persistently make sure he was okay; even when he moved to cuddle with you, him claiming everything was fine, but that he couldn't believe you kissed him being the both of you never once saw this coming especially six years ago during the high school days. His hand was fidgety as he swiftly rubbed your shoulder, your head buried on his chest while your mind spun in a continuous loop of how you could not believe that you kissed Taehyung. The Kim Taehyung.

He became quiet- too quiet, concern etched in your expression, maneuvering yourself back to the opposite corner of the couch, so you could face him. "T, are you sure you're okay? Did I freak you out?"

"No, no, I just can't believe you kissed me," he was in awe, eyes dazed as he ran his slim fingers through his hair, "Like, really I never saw this coming,"

"I mean, have you looked in the mirror?" You teased, knowing damn well he'd been aware of you finding him attractive, and he shook his head in dismissal of your compliment as he chuckled; it took you a whole sixty seconds to realize you were holding his hand, fingers linked, and him asking if you were nervous due to your clammy palm, though you tried to swear up and down you were not, the next round of words he said nearly brought you to tears when he finally spoke.

"You shouldn't sell yourself short," he looked you in the eyes without any faltering, although you tilted your head in mild confusion as to why he was saying this, to begin with, "I don't think you realize how much of an impact you've made on others, especially guys," ah, he was letting you down easy, and you knew it, but you're too stunned to speak as you listened, "I don't think you give yourself enough credit either. You're a great singer, you're pretty much a musician, you love animals, you have a job, you live on your own. Really, you shouldn't sell yourself short-"

"T," you breathed, pleading almost, but trying not to make it obvious, but he never broke eye contact, "We don't have to date or anything, I just- I just wanted a moment with you." You mentioned what inspired you to spend time with him- exposing how a few nights ago when he said he wanted to enjoy every moment with people- you knew you wanted to have a moment with him, too. Memories from high school were spoken momentarily, thirty minutes passing by which included a made-up handshake as well as the subtle twirl of his fingers in your hair- him complimenting how good your hair looked which made you blush even more.

Just when you thought he wasn't already smooth enough, you noticed Taehyung started teasing your dog, her pouncing at his chest before he'd lean in closer to you. Eyebrows scrunching, it took you a hot second to realize what he was doing. Each time Taehyung would scoot closer to you, he'd kiss you, sending the pair of you in boisterous laughter when your dog would try to break the kisses by jumping in between your faces. The more your lips would touch, it'd last a bit longer and longer, your hand clinging to the side of his jacket to pull him closer when things really started moving fast, eventually your dog left the room with the hint that attention was no longer available for her.

Still lip-locked, Taheyung's hands gripped your hips while you willingly moved to straddle him, arms resting on the top of the couch on either side of his head, the tip of your tongue glided along his, while he fanned his hands along your ass. You refrained from moaning into his kiss despite how bad you wanted to, yet you held yourself together, involuntarily grinding your clothed heat where his erection was felt. T smacked your ass before slithering the tips of his fingers to your shirt, slowly unbuttoning one by one.... One by one. His eyes were hazed from how much he was craving your mouth, and with a seductive nod in his direction, he continued until he made it to the final goal, your kisses never planning to stop, the sides of your shirt being brushed away for him to take in the sight of you.

"Ooh my God," his eyes darkened in evident lust when he saw the way your black bra cupped your breasts, "Oh my God," his voice deepened, him hardly knowing what to do with himself while your smirk remained subtlety on your mouth. Though you hadn't needed him to ask, he politely waited for your permission to touch your chest, a quick pang of frilly nerves ghosted your stomach.

"Yeah," you breathed seductively, gradually moving to capture his lips, trying to hold back a giggle when he gently moved his hands to your back, "You're not going to find it there," you mused, referring to the clip. He paused as if panicked, "It's in the front," you finally admitted, but failing miserably, Taehyung let you take initiative, you unclipped your bra uncovering what is now widening his brown eyes. "Oh my God!" His reaction made you want to cum right then and there, especially when his fingers made their way to squeeze your nipples when his mouth returned to yours. Taehyung worshiped your breasts, and for some odd, yet arousing reason, you lived for it.

You're uncertain of when the tv was switched off, and even now, as your hands continue to fly across the keyboard, one thing you do recall, one of the lingering memories of the evening was your shirt being off, thrown onto the floor mingled with your bra, and without any warning, Taehyung hoisted you in the air, your legs instinctively wrapped around his torso while he tightened his hold around your body. His steps were painfully careful, kissing you roughly while your arms kept their place behind his neck, and the direction was being taken to your bedroom where your heart pounded so anxiously to be. His jacket was shed before the bold act, and all that was left was his gray t-shirt and jeans. Laying you down with a bounce from your mattress, he remained above you, and your eyes refused to stray especially when he reached to remove his shirt- his smooth skin greeting yours sending waves of goosebumps spreading among your limbs.

There was no one like him in your eyes, and there never would be. Not in your heart. And with how perfect everything was going; you were not prepared for how hard it was going to be to stop before things went too far. Because what if he doesn't exactly feel the same? He was letting you down easy not even an hour ago, and here you were, hopes so high, you weren't sure how you were going to erase them back down. He kissed you until you couldn't breathe, your fingers dug into your comforter, while his palms glided all over your frame for however long you let him, but when he went to remove your leggings, you halted him.

Now, this is where your heart aches when you relive this part, because a conversation was held, one where you mentioned what if someone catches feelings if the both of you decided to solely be just friends with benefits? Taehyung said all you had to do was communicate with him because he was easy to get along with, and you've known this about him for six years. He was always someone easy to talk to, and you knew he would never treat you poorly over a situation like this. And, he hadn't. You made the executive decision to not sleep with him for you wanted him to remember you as the woman you are, and the woman, you've always been, and with the fear of going all the way being something that could change his image of you, you were satisfied to hear the loud echoes of his snoring after you changed into pajamas, gazing at his sleeping demeanor before you drifted into slumber as well.

When the morning came, you were not ready for him to leave, but he asked if you would walk him out, him throwing on his shirt and jacket while you rushed to brush your teeth. T asked if you had any other plans for the rest of the day which you proceeded to answer honestly with a no, as he mentioned that he was going to get breakfast.

"Let me know when you make it home," you said tenderly, "I want to know you're safe,"

"I will," he promised before you embraced him, turning just enough to place a peck to his cheek. It was his smile that decided to enter your recollection- the boxy smile that would plague you until the day you accept that you will never forget it.

And when you opened the door to the apartment where he gracefully waltzed through, you merely caught a glimpse of him leaving, ahead of you quietly shutting the door to whatever could have been.

Or, what could have started a beautiful story that has yet to unfold.

[ewwhothefuckiski]

You Said Forever- Joshua Bassett

Joshua Bassett × fem!reader

Requested: no, I was trying to sleep and suddenly had this idea so here we are.

TW: Swearing, angst, emotional trauma, mentions of death

Taglist: @tclklater @spicygemini17 @bonobos-candy-bar @kaylinfayezink @jxznotfound {lmk if ya want to be added!!}

A/N: I apologise in advance 🤧 you can thank @hermes-creature and @nickalicious for fueling this fire. And yes this was heavily inspired on his new ep and Olivia's Driver's License. No not for the drama

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Love is hard. It can be wonderful, breathtaking. But it can also be painful, soul crushing even. When you fall in love, you give someone your all, you hand over your heart and pray that they don't break it.

But they will- It's inevitable.

Or at least, that's what Y/N told herself as she sat alone in what used to be her and Joshua's bedroom, holding their promise rings and letting out heart wrenching sobs.

She looked around, every picture of her and Josh like a new slap in the face. She looked back down at the rings, screaming as she threw them at the mirror resting on their dresser, shattering the glass.

Her hands tangled into the roots of her hair, tugging as she hugged her knees into her chest, rocking back and forth letting the sobs rock her body.

-

She didn't think Josh would leave her, he had been by her side since they were 16. But he did. They screamed at each other until they were red in the face; him eventually giving up and packing his bag.

Y/N screamed at him more, this time with tears streaming down her face.

"Why are you doing this?" She cried, grabbing his arm and turning him to face her. "You are the one who's in the wrong here, and you just decide to leave?"

Joshua felt his heart break as he stared at the girl. She was broken, hurting- and it was his fault.

But then he thought back to her words from earlier, anger flaring in his chest again.

"I'm in the wrong here? Y/N, you blamed me for cheating on you because of your insecurities. You scream at me after I come home from filming, because you're jealous. I told you nothing was going on with Olivia. But you can't get it through your damn head. You made me choose between you and my job. So I did, and I choose my job. Don't try and put this on me."

"I thought you loved me." She sobbed, wrapping her arms around herself; an attempt to keep herself from falling apart.

Joshua sighed as he zipped his bag shut, turning to face her.

"God Y/N. I do love you, I love you so much- and I always will. But we can't do this anymore. We aren't good for each other."

"You promised me forever." She whispered, staring down at the ring sitting on his finger. He followed her gaze, his heart breaking as he realized what she had been looking at. He slipped the ring off of his finger, gently placing it in her hand, before placing a soft kiss on her forehead. He grabbed his bag and walked to the door, turning to look at the girl who stole his heart all those years ago one last time.

"Goodbye Y/N." He whispered, turning on his heel and shutting the door behind him before she could see the tears running down his face. He stood there for a minute, hearing her sobs through the door, before flinching as he heard glass shattering as she screamed. He sighed and continued his journey to his car, before he finally pulled out of the driveway and left the love of his life behind him.

×××

Joshua shouldn't have had the time to feel the deep ache in his chest with each waking minute that passed without Y/N by his side- HSMTMTS had hit it off and soon his career was launched into full swing. His fans demanding an EP, him booking auditions, all while doing interviews back to back about the "love triangle" between him, Olivia, and Sabrina- but he did.

The fans had all assumed that Josh's sudden change in behavior was because he and Olivia called things off, but in reality, he just hadn't been himself since he left Y/N.

Everyone but him had saw it. So Olivia and Sabrina had been spending a lot of time with him, trying to cheer him up. But the fans read to much into it.

Josh knew Y/N was seeing the articles, he knew she definitely didn't believe him now. All he wanted was to take back the day he walked out on her. But he couldn't, it was too late. She was better off without him now.

At least, that's what he told himself.

Little did he know, Y/N had fallen into the darkest state of depression after he left. She didn't leave her bed unless she had to. She cried, a lot. She didn't have the motivation to get up in the morning, to do the basic things such as take a shower, brush her teeth.

What was the point?

Her friends tried calling her, coming over to help her get out and do something, but she had lost any part of her soul she had left.

When Joshua left her, he took her heart with him. She gave him everything, just to feel like nothing in the end. She loved him with every fiber in her body, and that was the hardest thing for her.

Before she met Joshua, she had been left time and time again. First by her parents, and then eventually anyone she's ever came to care about. She shut everyone out after that, afraid to get attached again.

And then there he was. The brown eyed messy haired boy in the back of the coffee shop.

He looked terrified. His hands were shaking, his face pale, breaths coming up short. She knew that look all too well.

"Hey! Hey look at me."

He snapped his head up to look at the young girl, his brown eyes wide as she talked to him.

"Breathe with me ok? In through the nose for five seconds, out for ten."

She demonstrated what she meant, smiling when the boy started to copy her actions.

"Good, just like that. Again."

She took his shaking hands into hers, interlacing their fingers as they breathed together.

She didn't try and tell him he was gonna be ok, or to breathe because he's fine. She knew when you were having a panic attack, your body looses control of itself. She knew the best thing you could do is to just focus on your breathing until you gained control again.

After a while, Josh finally gained control of himself again. He looked down at their interlocked hands, blushing, but not pulling away.

"How did you-"

"You were having a panic attack. I have them all the time."

Joshua nodded, glancing from their hands back to the beautiful girl in front of him.

"I felt like I was going to die." He whispered, looking down in embarresment.

"I know."

He looked up at her, shocked.

"W-What?"

"Your whole body tingles, you can't slow your breathing, your heart beating so loud you swear your ears are gonna explode." She listed, smiling at him sadly, her heart aching for the boy. "It's like you can't control your own body."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, Yeah that's exactly what it felt like."

Y/N smiled softly, her thumb rubbing the back of his hand.

"How about some coffee, on me?"

Josh grinned at the girl in front of him. "That'd be great!"

After that, they had been inseparable.

Until now.

Now they were in separate places, trying to forget every painful memory they made together in the last 4 years.

Eventually, Y/N's friends got her out of bed, convinced her to come to the park with them. She reluctantly agreed, but only on the condition that she could drive herself- that way if needed she could leave whenever she wanted.

So she got up, took a shower, brushed her teeth, and put on the best clothes she could manage without breaking down because it brought her a memory of Josh- which was harder than you would think.

She made a mental note to go clothes shopping later.

She sighed as she sat in her car, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before starting the engine and pulling out of her driveway.

When she pulled into the park, it was deserted, and she sighed in relief. Her best friends sent a text saying they were on their way, so Y/N exited her car and sat on the park bench, waiting for them to show up.

-

Josh was exhilarated. He had just finished his first concert, and the feeling of the fans cheering as he sang was still alive and electric in his bones. His adrenaline was running so high he couldn't sit still.

So he decided to take a walk.

He wanted to go to the park, it was his comfort these last couple of months. It was a place where he could breathe, where he could be alone with his thoughts.

He usually thought about Y/N.

But today was different, he finally felt alive again. He was walking around the park, humming his songs to himself as he took in the stillness of this afternoon. If it hadn't been for the adrenaline coursing through his veins, he would have found it eerie.

But he didn't. So he kept walking and singing, relishing in the feeling of the wind running through his hair.

Until he heard an all too familiar voice.

She was singing- singing in a way that sounded sad, like every word she uttered was forced- but it was beautiful. He knew that voice the second he heard it, but he just couldn't believe it.

He rushed to hide behind a tree, peaking his head out to glimpse at the singing girl. He couldn't believe his eyes, there Y/N was, right in front of him, looking just as beautiful as the day he left her.

But she was different, he could see it in the way she slouched as she sat on the bench, slowly swinging her legs back and forth while singing to herself softly. She was hurting, and he knew it was because of him.

"Y/N-"

He meant to say it in his head, but her name had slipped past his lips, and her head whipped around, her eyes catching his. She gasped in shock, tears welling in her eyes as she looked at the boy who stole her heart away standing in front of her after spending so much time apart.

She stood up quickly, wiping her eyes and running in the opposite direction towards her car, she needed to get out of there before she broke even more. She knew it was a mistake coming here, she should've listened to herself.

"Y/N wait-" he called out, reaching out to stop her. But it was too late, she was already long gone and pulling out of her parking spot, tears clouding her vision. Joshua ran out from behind the tree, running up to her car, before he stopped dead in his tracks, watching the scene unfold in front of him.

Y/N had been speeding out of the parking lot and onto the street, not bothering to look before she slammed on the gas and pulling onto the street, before she saw a speeding car coming at her from the side, ramming into her before everything went black.

She finally found peace.

And Josh had just lost it.

[becamitchellsbeats]

Bechloe - Skype Night

Inspired by the Bellas performance of Love On Top!

Beca is isolating alone and is missing the Bellas more than she cares to admit. One skype call and a spontaneous burst into a song later and everything changes.Might continue it so lemme know your thoughts!]

-

Beca's music career had been put on a temporary hold as she was made to isolate at home, her hand wrestling to the bottom of yet another chips packet as she flicked through the TV channel for the 17th time. "Well this officially sucks" she groaned to herself, tucking her legs in closer as she eyed a photo frame on the TV cabinet,  it was the Bellas graduation photo, looking back at it she wished she smiled more for the photo, she looked so grumpy, especially when compared to Chloe who her eyes focusing on Chloe in particular.

Beca hadn't seen Chloe in around 2 months which felt like agony seeing as she was used to seeing her daily, not that she'd ever admit it. The emptiness of her apartment was also driving her insane, she was in a position of wanting company but not wanting to ask for it, especially considering it had bizarrely became against the law for the time being, something she never could of seen coming.

See, everything went to crap when the Bellas graduated, a virus had taken the globe by storm, and university life had changed drastically, Beca was glad they had graduated before all the changes but it now meant she was isolating alone.

Fat Amy, who said she'd be Beca's 'roomie for life' received a 'dodgy' lump sum from her father so of course she was off living in a massive house somewhere and Chloe, who was her other potential roommate had gone and got herself stranded abroad whilst helping out at a vet overseas to gain more exotic animal experience.

Beca reluctantly removed herself from the sofa, dragging her feet across the wooden flooring as she made her way into the bathroom. She stared at herself in her mirror, her bottom lip tugging as she winced at the sight. Hair tangled, Cheetos dust staining her once white t-shirt and chipped black nail paint.

Tired eyes looked her reflection up and down, her hand lazily hitting the nozzle on the taps splashing herself with some cold water. "Okay Mitchell, you need to sort yourself out jeez" she said whilst waving her finger at herself in the mirror, pointing at herself somewhat sternly, then lightly smirking at herself for her own weird behavior. "I'm officially losing it" she admitted.

Feeling motivated to freshen herself up Beca jumped in the shower, warm water running down her body as she collected her thoughts. Stepping out the shower and feeling immediate regret as the cold air wrapped itself around her body, she shuddered, eagerly grasping for her towel as her wet hair now covered her eyes. She huffed, trying to blow the clingy wet hair off her lips as she blindly reached for her hair brush. Groans filled the bathroom as her hairbrush tore through the knots in her hair, her eyes watering from some particularly painful knots.

Fully clothed and nails now painted Beca had just finished on putting on her signature eyeliner. She sat in her bedroom, that was surprisingly still tidy, but that was because she had barely managed to remove herself from the sofa. She rarely socialized nowadays, other than her occasional skype calls with the group, but she always felt funny about joining calls, she was a bit awkward about having her webcam on and well, all of them insisted they have them on so she'd often opt out.

Beca however was eager to speak to Chloe, which was hard to do as she was a key worker at the vet she was helping out at abroad, with time zones and Chloe's long hours she was often exhausted so she rarely had the time and Beca felt weird reaching out to the others, she refused to come across as clingy but secretly felt sad whenever they left their skype calls. She even felt disappointed when Jessica left her.

Her hand moved to flip open her laptop lid as she adjusted her hair once more "I'll just call her, she'll be home" she mumbled to herself as her mouse hovered over the call button on Chloe's contact.

"Why do I feel so damn nervous" she said fidgeting as she stared at her username "Okay after 3, i'll click the damn call button" she moved her mouse up once more as she counted to three, pressing down on the green button as her own video filled the screen whilst a ringing noise echoed out her laptop speakers.

"Man I hate staring at myself like this" she muttered as the whole screen was filled by her camera.

A red circle, with a hang-up symbol filled the screen. Beca's heart sank. "Bad timing?" she wondered.

_______________________________________________

Chloe's heart raced with excitement when Beca called. She was getting worried about her since she had been so far away, she would often flood her with texts making sure she was eating and drinking enough. She knew Beca was down about not being able to carry out with her record label work and she wanted nothing more than to be there with her, but she knew she'd been neglecting Beca lately, she just didn't have the time and the time gap only worsened things.

"You guys Beca is calling give me a second I'll add her!"

DontBelieveInLadders: [Quick AMBUSH her!]

________________________________________________

Chloe's icon flashed up on Beca's screen it was her wearing sunglasses cuddling a baby fox, a new photo it seemed. Beca now focused her attention on her laptop that was now ringing as it flashed up "Chloe Beale + 8 others" "Group call?" Beca wondered as she clicked the green phone icon.

"BECAAAA!" the group greeted in unison. "Oh sweetie you look so good!" Chloe said with a grin who was also visible on her webcam "And you've got your camera on! I'm so glad" she said excitedly."Someone made an effort" Fat Amy teased, taking notice of Beca's stylish yet casual appearance.

Beca looked away from her camera awkwardly "What? I always get ready pfft"

"You literally have no where to go" Fat Amy responded in a pitchy yet blunt tone "But thats okay Beca, self-care is important and Impress-Chloe-Care even more so"

Beca rolled her eyes "How long you guys been on a call for anyways?" her hands fidgeting with the items on her desk, just out of shot of her camera.

FlippingThroughBorders: {Oh we just started} Flo typed on the message box below

DontBelieveInLadders: {We're still waiting for Stacie and still setting up bits} commented Aubrey as she rustled around in the background for her physical webcam to plug in.

_______________________________________________

Stacie laid in bed, browsing memes on her phone, her attention was diverted when Emily's text popped up {Heeeey hurry up and join the group skype call!} Stacie dangled over her bed and grabbed her laptop from underneath her set of bedside draws. She blew the dust off the top of it and opened it up "I've not used this bad boy in a while" she said as she turned it on, the battery flashing orange from where it was getting low.

As she opened up her search engine it flashed up with her old google tabs, an explicit site was restored and automatically started playing the last video she was watching. Stacie's eyes widened "Well that's quite the greeting," her eyes bulging as she looked the model in the video up and down before shaking her head and closing the tab. "Now is not the time for that" she laughed to herself as she launched skype and joined the chat.

"Hey you guuuuuys" she greeted with a toothy grin. The Bellas greeted their soprano cheerfully., Stacie's eyes focused on Beca "Look who finally learned that isolation doesn't mean isolating from virtual calls!"

Beca rolled her eyes again "I join in!""Occasionally" Emily countered."Or when Chloe is in the chat" Fat Amy coughed

"Aw poor Beca" Flo said into the mic now she had got it set up.

Beca began snapping her fingers rhythmically, gaining even more attention from the group. "I'm not doing this with you guys"

"Ba bah bah ba, ba" Beca hummed trying to drown them out

"What is she doing?" asked Emily"Ba ba bah da..." Beca continued "is that?" Aubrey raised an eyebrow "I recognize that arrangement, is that, Queen B?" Aubrey said enthusiastically as she leaned forward in her seat.

"Oh my god you guys are we going to sing?" Chloe said excitedly clasping her hands together as she bounced in her seat.

"Aw yeah!! lets sing together tonight you guys" Emily beamed"Okay legacy calm down don't ruin it before we've begun" Amy groaned.

The Bellas began snapping their fingers and harmonizing as they began to develop more of a beat for the song Beca was starting off.

"Here we go" said Fat Amy as the beat had been accomplished.  A grin slowly tugged at Stacie's face as Lily began beatboxing. "i'll bring  owowowo beat in"

Beca glanced away shyly as she sang into her microphone.‎"Honey, Honeyyy, I can see the stars, all the waaaay from here, can't you see the glow on the--"

"windowpane" the girls harmonized in unison

"I can feel the sun, whenever you're near, everytime you touch me I just melt away" Beca's eyes glanced at Chloe occasionally as she continued singing.

Fat Amy then jumped in with a solo "Everybody asking why i'm smiling now from ear to eaaaarr!" ("You can say love hurts") "Well I knooooooow-OHHH" ("It's gonna take a little work") Fat Amy said raising her fist passionately.

"Nothings perfect but its worth it, after fighting through my tears!" Stacie sang strongly

"And finally you put me first!"  (dah-dah) the Bellas all sang in unison

The Bellas danced together, doing hand gestures and performing together in perfect harmony. As the song continued Beca felt herself feeling more confident again, her heart feeling full as it felt like everyone was finally with her again.Her eyes closing as she found herself getting lost in the moment.

"Chloe its you, you're the one I love, you're the one I need!"

"You're the only one I see, C'mon Chloe its yoooooou"

Beca blurted out raising the octvave as they were reaching the end of the song "you're the one who gives your all, you're the one I can always call!" the girls continued the beat but stared at her. This was the version Beca would sing on her own, as she often would change song lyrics to fit how she felt.

"When I need to make everything stop, finally you put my love on top"

Chloe paused for a moment, failing to continue singing as her mind tried to grasp the lyrics that had just left Beca's mouth, her face reddening with slight tinges as started singing through her smile and teary eyes.

Being a supportive team the girls continued to hold off on teasing her, after all it was one of the Bellas standards not to let distractions interrupt a performance. Fat Amy couldn't help but smirk as she sang, she was itching to tease Beca.

The DJ was in her own world, snapping and swaying in her seat, singing with her eyes closed she hadn't even realised what she had said untilt he girls changed the lyrics themselves.

"Oh Baby I can feel the wind whipping past my faaaace" Beca sang

"As we dance the night awaaaay" the girls harmonized.

"And girl your look it tastes like a night of champagne"  (oooh) Chloe sang solo

"As I kiss you again and again and again and again" Aubrey chimed in.

As the song continued the girls began grinning, looking over at Chloe and Beca, then back to eachother as they all nodded, clearly on the same wavelength as the song progressed.

"CHLOE ,its yoooou" they sang raising the octave.

"you're the one Bec loves! you're the one Bec neeeeeeeeds"

"WAIT, GUYS" Beca yelled as her face went a shade of red she had never gone before.

"You're the only one she sees! c'mon Chloe its yoooou, you're the one who gives your all, your the one Bec can always call, when she needs you everything you DROP,  finally! you say your love out loud"

"Baby, you're the one that I love, you're the only one that I need!" Chloe sang loudly with a cheeky wink as Jessica and Ashley dominated the top notes.

"C'mon Beca its yoooooou" the Bellas sang in harmony

"When I need you everything stops, finally you put my love on top" the group then faded out to a stop.

The girls all cheered and celebrated as they finished the spontaneous arrangement of love on top. "Crushed it" Amy said with a fist bump.

Beca had already retreated behind her hands, wishing nothing more than to have a wheelie-chair so she could move herself off screen with speed.

"So Beca, remember the last time at the ICCAS when you changed the lyrics, well this was certainly distracting but, it kinda sounded like a confession" Aubrey teased.

"Hmm, thats so ODD Aubrey, I TO was thinking that sounded like a confession to me"

"I mean I got ripped a new one for performing an orginal song at that riff off, but to lyric change Beyonce, you're bold Mitchell" Emily joked.

"Aw don't tease her guys, shes drowning, although Beca, you should know, I've experienced  drowning for real,so this is better" Flo joined in.

"There was no hiding that Becs, surprised you didn't notice!" Stacie grinned

Beca groaned "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you" she said behind the safety of her hands.

"Well duh, it wasn't my name you sang the word 'LOVE' next too, quarantines got you all soft huh" Stacie couldn't help but tease.

Beca slowly dragged her hands down her face, peering out from the tips of her fingertips. "It was that obvious huh... guess thats what happens when I have the place to myself to sing the wrong damn version."

Chloe cleared her throat "Well I for one found that really sweet Becs" she said with a smile that met her eyes as her hand rested on her chest "Honestly my heart is pounding! its a good thing I know how to do CPR well on animals but, y'know" she fanned herself with her hand feeling flustered.

"Yeah um that wouldn't work Chloe, you can't do CPR on yourself" Fat Amy said shaking her head.

"I-I know that its just" Chloe went red "I just--" she threw her hands up in the air "Oof just get over her and kiss me Mitchell, screw this virus, lets just isolate together"

Beca looked up "Man this is so embarrassing this wasn't meant to come out like this and--"

"I'm glad honestly!" Chloe said with a grin "it just makes being a part from you even harder" she whined.

"I just wish you weren't so many miles away" Beca groaned

"Y'all need a ride because I can fly a plane, I just ain't got no licence officially at least" Cynthia Rose commented with a slow nod. "If you know what I mean" she said clicking her tongue.

"Thats so sweet of you but highly illegal, the Bellas have been in enough trouble in the news so we better do things legally this time, ahem, that goes to you too Amy" Chloe said suspiciously looking over at Amy who had moved off camera.

"Whaaaaat" Amy groaned "Its not like I was up to anything suspicious on a dodgey website just now"

"C'mon ladies lets give these two lovebirds some space and go gossip in another chat!" said Emily as the Bellas all began to retreat from the call so only Beca and Chloe remained.

Chloe placed her hand on the screen "Can't believe i'm only saying this now after like what, three years but, I love you Beca"

"I love you too Chlo"

- End of part -

[tartagliaxx]

hmm, i wonder if tumblr ate my previous ask. i hope not but honestly, you're probably not missing out on a lot anyways.

i finally gained some inspiration to complete the previous wip i showed you, but now i have another one on my hands bc when i get overly anxious, i start to write some vv specific scenarios with my pretty boys.

like,,, i have 3 hours before my exam starts, and i know basically nothing. remember how i said that i took a short break (if tumblr didn't eat it)? yeah, i'm sort of regretting that decision now. can i even get a C? my head's hurting and spinning, i feel like this isn't rlly uh, good for me. i'm hopefully gonna take a one hour nap and hope whatever happens last time doesn't happen again.

i don't want to fail, i rlly rlly don't. i feel like failing on your finals that you're supposed to enter uni with isn't the uh, best idea. i'm trying to just, stay calm but nothing i'm studying is rlly getting to me. perhaps i should just get some rest,,, a one hour nap lmao

— r. anon

reply to the other ask lol:

you’re right, i think you totally deserve the break. it’s totally fine. in my experience, the people around me told me to take my time when i legitimately couldn’t even pick up a pen to finish my stuff. it’s weird bc that’s the first time it ever happened to me but my profs were very forgiving and told me i should take a break if i need one.

i understand your feelings omg- i’ve lived my life being everyone’s friend but not anyone’s best friend,, i dont mind receiving messages like this and i’d really want to help as much as i could but idk if it’s okay to post online??? skfjfajhaha it seems v personal for me but if you’re fine w it, then i’m find w it as well. if you happen to have discord or smth, we could talk there instead if you want but i’m really fine w whatever.

CHILDE CAME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my fucking husband so very pog. and omG?????? bae i’m like,, super happy for you??? omg im like so proud rn im tearing up im not even joking lol. no matter who the motivation is, you still managed to go through it and like,, small victories are still victories to be celebrated. again, i’m so proud and happy for you.

take it easy bby… you seem to have a lot on your plate… if you feel in any way, like… tired or what,, just take a break… i figured thats so much better than falling deeper into a pit of sadness. take breaks when you need them and face your problems when you’re properly rested. it’s v worth it. also, no matter what happens… i want to say that you did so well and i see you putting so much effort into things even if you dont feel like it.

childe’s like…. *dreamy sigh* i love him and the way he works. i rotate him w others v often for reactions so i never had the problem with his cooldown. and??? 28k??? already??? pls he was doing 10k on his first day w me so i think that’s really, really good. and ffs???? those wolf things?? i hate! i hate hate hate hate them </3 fuck corrosion messing w my perfectionist self not wanting to see anything less than a full hp bar…

ON WISHES AND COMFORTS OMG- i remember making that and im like???? how???? how to write venti???? that’s my first time writing for him i think?

//

i didnt go on tumblr for like,, majority of yesterday so i only saw your asks now. i was acc playing genshin bc this is the first time im not behind on schoolwork. i’m making a ghibli themed teapot and so far, the first part’s like 45% done. ….why do i like making myself suffer?

on a side note, I DID SEE YOUR TAG! I’M ATTENDING A LECTURE RN BUT I’LL READ IS AS SOON AS IT’S DONE. IM V EXCITED AND I KNOW YOU DID GREAT! on a different note, i understand how stressful this might be rn but it’ll be alright. if not now, then later. im not sure how to comfort you since i would most likely meltdown if i were you but just remember to breathe. sure, a lot might be on the line but ultimately, one’s self must always be the priority (something i learned from psych btw). good luck on your finals! i’m rooting for you and i’ll support you no matter what!

ps. ily2 <33

[kpopblurbs]

9:04am

Pairing: Jae/Reader Word Count: 1.9k Tags: Mentions of Religion, Hand Jobs, First Time, Public Hand Jobs, Sub!Jae, Dom!Reader, Gender Neutral Reader A/N: So I’m finally finally effectively done with smutmas, ill be finishing the last one tomorrow at the latest so ill be posting for smutmas every day for the next four days Smutmas Masterlist AO3 Link

It wasn’t often that you went to church, not that you weren’t into it, you just weren’t nearly as devoted as most people, opting instead to spend your Sunday mornings sleeping. Recently, however, you had discovered a new motivation to attend, the cute boy you had met a few months ago was currently inspiring you to go every week.

You had seen him for the first time 6 months ago on a spur of the moment trip to the church, he had focused on you a lot during the service, always averting his eyes when you looked at him. He had piqued your interest then but it was only the next month when you caught him staring at you after the service that you decided to approach him. You had introduced yourself to him, he had told you his name was Park Jaehyung but that everyone just called him Jae. He had followed that up by asking whether you were new to the church or not, to which you explained your position, not missing the slight frown that flashed across his face before he hid it quickly. The two of you had shared some awkward small talk for a few minutes before parting ways though there was something about him that intrigued you enough to keep you coming back the next week.

From then on the two of you fell into a routine, one that was slowly entering more flirty territory, mostly prompted by you though Jae was not unreceptive to it. You could tell by the way he would react to your suggestive statements that he had zero experience in the flirting department. His innocence was a big part of what drew you to him, you were always weak to boys like that, the idea of corrupting them was so tempting it was near impossible to resist.

After the service one Sunday you dragged him with you on a walk around the church, stopping him in one of the few areas where there was no one around. You took his hands in yours and moved so that your back was up against the wall of the church, bringing Jae with you and pulling him closer. You could see that he was nervous so you began to rub the back of his hand with your thumb soothingly. “You can say no if you want to,” you started, biting back a smirk at the way he struggled to maintain eye contact. “But would you like to kiss me?” you asked.

“I-I uhm, I haven’t...” Jae started, trailing off at the end as he looked down shyly.

You resisted the urge to coo at him, not wanting to embarrass him too much, “That’s okay,” you said softly, “My question still stands.”

He paused for a second, thinking hard before taking a deep breath and looking up at you, “C-can I?” he asked.

You smiled and nodded, tilting your head and leaning in close enough that he could feel your breath on his lips. You waited for him to close the gap, sighing happily when he did after a few moments. The kiss was messy on his end as he tried his best to follow the rhythm you were setting, you kept it slow just allowing him to adjust to the new experience. You brought one hand up to the back of his head, tangling your fingers in his hair and smiling into the kiss when he seemed to gain enough confidence to take a small step forward, his body now pressed to yours. You stayed like that for a few minutes, giving him the chance to improve his technique before gently tugging on his hair to pull his head away. The two of you were breathless, a goofy smile spread across his face which you returned with one of your own. 

After that you fell into a routine, attending church to meet up with Jae and then dragging him around to the back of the church to make out. It was going well until he started cutting your makeout sessions short, pulling away quickly in the middle of it, his cheeks were red and he was unable to look up at you. He would stutter out some excuse about having to go home but you could tell by his body language that he was getting hard.

After two weeks of that you decided to take things further, following your normal routine up until the point where Jae pulled away. You grabbed his arm gently making him look up at you with a shocked expression on his face. “You know I can help you with your problem,” you said, sending a quick glance down to his crotch before going back to making eye contact with him.

“W-What problem?” Jae asked, letting out a fake chuckle to pretend he had no idea what you were talking about.

“Did you want me to say it out loud or would that just make you run away from embarrassment?” you asked a hint of humor in your voice.

Jae sighed, looking down once again, “I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he said softly.

You chuckled, “A sweet, innocent boy like you couldn’t make me uncomfortable if you tried,” you said with a smile. “Plus it’s a perfectly natural reaction, one that I can absolutely give you a hand with,” you winked for emphasis.

You could see the confusion on his face as he tried to process what you were offering so you continued, “Feel free to say no, there is absolutely no pressure here but I’d really like to take care of you if you’ll let me.”

“I-I,” Jae paused to collect his thoughts, “We’re at church,” he said at a near whisper, looking around to make sure the two of you were still alone.

“Doesn’t that make it hotter, though?” you smirked, lowering your voice to match his hushed tone.

Jae gulped, his cheeks turning pink and you could tell he was imagining what you were offering. “B-But...” he trailed off, still clearly lost in thought.

“I’ll let you think about it then, we’ll see how you feel next week,” you said, giving his arm a gentle, reassuring squeeze before starting to step away.

That seemed to shake him from his thoughts as he only let you take a couple steps before calling out to you, “Wait!” he said, a little louder than he expected causing him to jump and look around once again. You turned back around to face him and he took a deep breath before speaking, “I want to say yes.. I’m just nervous,” he confessed.

You smiled, stepping back over to him, “It’s okay to be nervous, if you want me to take care of you I will,” you said.

Jae took a deep breath before speaking, “Yes, please,” he said as confidently as he could.

You nodded, the smile still on your face, “Of course,” you said, reaching forward with both hands to hook your fingers into his belt loops and tugging him closer to you. He squeaked at your sudden boldness as you reached one hand up to tangle into his hair, tugging him down into another kiss. Without disconnecting the kiss you maneuvered him around to press his back against the wall. You pulled your hand out of his hair and moved both of your hands to the front of his pants, making quick work of unbuttoning them and nudging them down slightly.

You felt him tense up as you pushed your hand into his pants and wrapped your hand around his dick. You paused, breaking off the kiss to look at him, “You alright?” you asked.

“Y-Yeah I’m just, it ah, feels different when its not my hand,” he responded.

You smirked, your hand shifting to swipe your thumb over the head of his dick, collecting the precum that was already collecting at the tip. “Good different or...?” you asked, leaning forward to suck gently on the sensitive spot behind his ear and relishing in the stuttered moan he let out.

“G-Good... very good,” he responded, letting out a gasp as you began to stroke him slowly. His hips twitched as you began to stroke him faster, the little noises he was making started to increase in volume forcing you to reconnect the kiss to keep him from getting too loud. He put his hands on your hips, gripping tightly to the fabric of your shirt as he bucked his hips into your hand. You swallowed his moans greedily and tried to slow down your strokes, knowing that he wasn’t going to last very long if you didn’t give him a break. You knew that given the situation you weren’t able to take as much time as you would’ve liked but you still wanted to take as much time as you could. You shifted your hand around to rub your palm in circles over the head of his dick, his hips bucking more aggressively in response.

He pulled away from the kiss, leaning forward to rest his forehead on your shoulder, letting out little gasps as his body tensed rhythmically. You used your free hand to run your fingers through his hair, scratching at his scalp gently and sending a shiver down his spine. “I’m -ah- please I’m gonna...” he gasped out and you moved your hand back to stroking him while your other continued to massage his scalp.

“Go ahead, baby, cum for me,” you said at barely above a whisper. It only took a couple more strokes before he was cumming with a low groan, his hips bucking as he spilled his load into his jeans. You worked him through his orgasm while he clung to you, his grip tight until he relaxed, leaning most of his weight on you as he came down from his high.

You pulled your hand out of his pants and tried to balance his weight, doing your best to support him as you shrugged off your jacket to wipe the mess off onto the fabric before bundling it up and dropping it to the ground. Once his breathing returned to normal he stood up straight, reached down to adjust and button up his pants and grimaced at the feeling of the mess he had made, “I feel gross,” he murmured.

You chuckled, “Maybe we should get you home so you can change,” you said softly.

“Yeah that’s a good idea,” he said, stopping to think for a second before continuing, “Would you, uh, would you wanna come with me?” he asked hopefully.

You smiled, “Well I drove here so I can’t ride with you but gimme your address and I’ll meet you there,” you responded.

A goofy smile spread across his face, “Great!” he said before coughing once and clearing his throat to try and disguise his excitement, “I mean, uh, cool yeah, and maybe I could, uhm, I dunno, return the favor?” he suggested.

You giggled, “I would like that very much.”

“Cool, yes, great, uhm, shall we?” he asked, nodding his head in the direction of the parking lot.

“Lead the way,” you said with a smile, letting out another giggle as he grimaced as he took his first step. You followed him as he shuffled awkwardly towards the parking lot reaching forward to lace your fingers with his and smiling when you felt him squeeze your hand.

[whitherliliesbloom]

✿ stories you want to write

Tagged by: @earthlystar, @fistsoflightning, @stars-bleed-hearts-shine​, @windup-dragoon​ THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Tagging: idk, whoever wants to do this lmao. just say I tagged you!

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a bundle of unfulfilled ideas / headcanons. I have a lot of stories / AU ideas I want to write.. but either don’t have the time or energy to write them... Or you know, I’m just plain lazy.

I’m also kind of leaning more towards Genshin Impact now than FFXIV oops

1) More time travel AU

I KNOW!! I’m the only one who cares about this au okay but 

TIME TRAVEL STORIES ARE ALWAYS SOME OF MY FAVORITE STORIES??? ADDING TO THAT ANYTHING INVOLVING LIKE.. META COMMENTARY AND POSSIBLE 4TH WALL BREAKING??? STEINS;GATE??? MADOKA MAGICA??? CHARLOTTE??? UNDERTALE??? The ability to stop time and rewind time is just such a COOL ASS concept to me?? I won’t shut up about wanting time mage in ffxiv just so I can OFFICIALLY make her a canon overpowered time and space manipulator. Maybe then, time travel au won’t just be an au anymore.

On top of that I just really like Cronus. The idea of an Illya who is so damaged and broken she becomes an entirely different person. I just don’t really have a set plot planned for this au or have any idea on how to resolve the conflict between Cronus, present timeline Illya and Alphinaud... or if I even wanna give Cronus a happy ending iafnioafas. But whenever there’s an opportunity to talk about time travel au, you bet your gil I will.

2) More Nier Automata AU

I kinda lost steam for this AU really really quickly for some reason but.. I had pretty ambitious plans for the plot of this which I really hope I’ll find the inspiration to write out some day.. because I really don’t like just.. reducing my ideas to simple bullet point headcanons. 

Some brief idea of what I had in mind though:

 bad ending depending on illya’s actions at one of the climatic scenes

different ‘good’ endings depending on her last dialogue choice which would lead to her ending up with different love interests. 

love triangle, of course

side plot for alisaie and ryne involving an escort mission

really really meta writing about the meaning of an android’s life and who 2C feels like she really is

scene of 2C regaining memories of alphinaud’s death and losing her shit

Like I said. I’m a bundle of lots of ideas that are almost always unfulfilled. I still really like this au though and I don’t want it to go to waste...

3) More Modern AU

Oops another AU. At least this one isn’t depressing or something that might give you an existential crisis. I have A LOT of headcanons for modern au ffxiv characters... not to mention different versions of the modern au concept. There’s Youtuber Illya AU, there’s highschool AU, there’s that AU where Illya works at a coffee shop and Alphinaud is a university student. 

I just love how laid back and Slice of Life-y modern au can be and I just... really love the idea of Illya living a normal happy life that doesn’t involve her having to kill gods every other day as much as i do love to torture her, yes. 

Some ideas for modern au fics i had:

Highschool AU Ryne asking her friends to cosplay sailor moon characters for a cosplay convention. Laurelis as Sailor Moon and Haurchefant as Tuxedo Mask. Ryne herself as Sailor Venus. Gaia as Sailor Mars. Illya as Sailor Saturn. 

Youtuber Illya attempting to vlog outside her home for the first time while she’s on a date with Alphinaud because her viewers requested it so much. Just pure fluff and the dorks being dorks. 

Highschool AU Illya working on a set of mini terrarium jewelry to sell at the school fair to raise money. The jocks at the school sort of laugh and lowkey bully her for the idea but she ends up making a ton of money.

SOL comedy AU where alisaie and alphinaud both have a crush on Illya sort of compete for her attention. She’s completely oblivious to all of it. 

Cafe AU where Illya has raised enough money (and with Alphinaud’s generous donation) to send in an entry to university. Alphinaud helps her study for the entrance exam. 

More double dates? :eyes:

4) To Aru Majutsu no Index AU

LOOK SOMETHING I HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT ON MY BLOG BEFORE. I just really like the premise / setting of this anime. ARE YALL READY FOR WORD VOMIT???

Academy city, a city that houses many schools, and research intuitions devoted to the study and advancement of science. Espers are individuals who use scientifically based supernatural powers, all of whom gained and trained their powers artificially under the system of Academy city. However, there is another underground side to the city - a small organization of people with supernatural abilities that cannot be explained by science. They are called magicians - and due to the rarity of magic, and how Academy city is so repulsed by the idea of abilities that defy the laws of conventional science and their understanding, some people even believe that magic is simply a myth or urban legend. 

While espers typically specialize in only one or two types of ability, magicians are often able to wield a variety of different abilities that take time to train and nurture, making them so frightening to the science side of academy. Some magicians even end up dabbling in the occult or black magic.

Alphinaud, a level 4 esper with the ability to physically see energy waves emitted by other espers. Couple that with his high intelligence, he is able to analyze the movements and abilities of other espers and even pin point the weak points of their abilities. His twin sister Alisaie is also a level 4 esper who is able to teleport herself and one other person she touches a certain distance in a radius around her current location. 

Alphinaud comes across Illya on his home from his training program one day, beaten and exhausted on the side of the road. He wants to call the hospital, but she begs him not to, saying she’s afraid that ‘they’ will find her. He takes her back to his home and nurses her wounds. Not seeing any energy waves being emitted from her, he assumes that she is simply an ordinary citizen. He asks her where her home is and how she ended up injured on the side of the road, but she refuses to tell him.

One day, a fight breaks out on the streets near his home, where a level 5 esper has gone rogue and is attacking innocent bystanders. He asks Illya to stay behind while he and Alisaie takes care of the situation. They are outmatched however, and Illya, watching the situation from the balcony of his home finally decides to step in. She easily incapacitates the esper using a variety of magical abilities the twins have never seen before, draining the man of his energy before returning to heal Alphinaud and Alisaie. 

They question Illya later, and she finally confesses to being a magician who is on the run from an organization who had been keeping her captive for the past few years. She has the ability of perfect memory - being able to memorize spells from any grimoire she reads and utilize the powers for herself, though often at some debilitating cost. The more powerful the spell, the more dire and painful the side effects.  She has been forced to read a total of more than 500 grimoires by now, and only managed to narrowly escape thanks to a mysterious man who took pity on her. 

Due to the side effects of her ability, and also having done nothing but be chained up and forced to read grimoires for the past few years, Illya is physically frail and cannot fend for herself beyond using magical abilities, which she is often hesitant to do.

5) Pokemon AU...carmela im looking

Waiting for @windupnamazu​ to provide more details on her pokemon au buttttt i’ve already been working on illya’s sort of backstory, her pokemon team, alphinaud’s pokemon team and other headcanons regarding this au. Also.. working with an artist regarding illya’s design for this au, which i’m very excited to be able to share =3c Not the time yet tho

I actually talked about a pokemon au with Jam as early as June of last year. I made a pokemon team for illya aaaaaand only half of her original team I had for her over a year ago is still in her current team oops. It’s okay, the retconned ones can stay at home and relax with Lachlan. 

6) More amaurotine stuff

Oh finally something relating to canon. I’ve been thinking about Chloris x Apollo from time to time and honestly I.. really love their dynamic.. despite how sad and lowkey awful Apollo can be towards her. But I think that’s part of the charm of what makes alphinaud and illya’s relationship later so sweet, being able to acknowledge that they had their flaws and learn from them ;w;

I had an idea for Chloris inventing a type of flower with the unintentional suggestion of Apollo, and it later makes an appearance where Alphinaud discovers the flower and asks Illya about it. 

7) The twins... no, not the Leveilleur twins

I think everyone’s talked about their lovechildren more than I have and I’ve already kind of explained why I haven’t made any screens or talked about them at length but.. I really do love them so much ;;;; I wanna find the opportunity to write a fic of them maybe spending a day inside with their army of carbuncles... Also @ancientechos​‘ OC Esme (son of haurche and laurelis) developing a crush on one of them =3c 

Also another idea I had involving them is being taken to the site of some of Illya and Alphinaud’s adventures...

8) Butler AU...hey, anyone remember this? 

Remember when I did several comics back to back and was super motivated for this AU? I do. I miss being motivated and inspired and not like.. wrecked with depression. I have plot points... ALSO INTERACTIONS WITH OTHER OCs WHO JOINED THIS AU???? Maybe one day I’ll find the drive again. At least I was able to finish one plot arc!! Which is more than I can say for most of my other AUs. Someone get me back in the shoujo manga mood!!! please!!

9) Idol AU 

Hey idol AU anon where are you.... WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU STILL HAVEN’T TOLD ME YOUR EXTRA HEADCANONS PLEASE COME BACK

10) More Alphinaud and his interactions with DRK Illya

I’ve already written a good number of fics about this, but I still... wanna do more... Acceptance, unconditional love, Illya learning that he won’t leave her despite all her insecurities and flaws... ILLYA FINALLY LEARNING TO IDK ACCEPT HERSELF. HELP.

I just really like DRK Illya okay, and you can pry the symbolism of her duality with her dark side from my cold dead hands. 

[comicteaparty]

March 30th-April 5th, 2020 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from   March 30th, 2020 to April 5th, 2020.  The chat focused on  Crypts and Cantrips by Kieran Thompson.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Crypts and Cantrips by Kieran Thompson~! (http://cryptsandcantrips.kytri.net/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace until April 5th, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Discussions are freeform, but we do offer discussion prompts in the pins for those who’d like to have them. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic! Whether you finish the comic or can only read a few pages, everyone is welcome to join and chat with us!

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 1

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic?

2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)?

3. Who is your favorite character?

4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most?

5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it!

6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores?

7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content?

8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Just starting the first chapter...hmm, what is the establishment hiding, that they're so against the idea of making new maps?

And I'm intrigued by the idea of a society that's frankly & cheerfully accepting of trans people, but also, doesn't know that lesbians exist? Or has a fixation on a super-narrow PIV-specific idea of virginity. Or both? If the issue was "this person can't be allowed to get pregnant before the arranged marriage or it would be A Scandal," that would be a logical reason to divide up which sexy things are "safe" vs. which aren't, but it isn't framed that way...

Okay, end-of-the-chapter blurb says that is what it's about. It's just odd that the dialogue was coy about "the issue is pregnancy" while being so blunt about other things. (I was just reading another comic with a trans princess character, and wow, what an awkward plot twist that could lead to. "So, the good news is, there wasn't an accidental pregnancy in the direction you were afraid of, but...")

"I made a fantasy trope in this comic work the way I wish it worked in a certain other canon" is such a great motivator.

Geez, this kid's only been adventuring for 5 minutes before someone gets murdered in front of him. Poor guy.

...on the bright side, oh good, the princess is aware that lesbians exist.

Loving this axolotl dragon art. http://cryptsandcantrips.kytri.net/comic/chapter-3-extras-17/

And the orca dragon that follows.

Have now read through the Dramatic Twist. Not gonna go into details for the sake of other first-time readers, but it's more complicated than these plots usually seem to get in fantasy settings, and I'm into it.

warriorneedsfood

I like the comic. The relationships are fun to watch develop. I found the character introductions a little awkward with the announcement of their various types of sexuality. But after establishing them, I found their personalities interesting and was looking forward to reading more.

RebelVampire

What I liked about the beginning of the comic is kind of just how quickly it starts world-building with stuff like the issue of discrimination in the market or just the general name dropping of stuff. All of it felt pretty natural, and as I consider world-building vitally important for fantasy, I really liked the comic didn't hide its punches. My favorite moment was actually when the stranger on the road said "please come help my wagon" and then it devolved into them being attacked. This is like one of the most stereotypical fantasy things to happen, but that's kind of why I liked it. It added familiar comfort food with all the new stuff, and I liked just having something like that 100% met my expectations for what was about to happen. My favorite character right now is definitely Taneli. I love just how sweet and accepting she is. But I also kind of like she's just really...not entirely capable because she's lived the sheltered palace life and not gotten out much. Usually that's something I'd find annoying, but something about Taneli just makes it work so I absolutely adore how overall innocent she is even in spite of being stuck in an arranged marriage. I like seeing Kitov and Taneli interact the most. They have a beautiful, touching, and supportive relationship going on and I like how theyre similar in regards to world experience. It doesn't make it feel like either of them is somehow superior or has the upperhand, so it's just communication between equals.

RebelVampire

As for the art, I really like the character designs. They aren't overly complicated, but are each very unique as well, and I think overall they got that right fantasy DnD vibe to them that just really suits the story being told. I kind of like that the story is exploring the theme of duty and arranged marriages. Usually when it comes to arranged marriage, 90% of stories write protagonists that do everything in their power to escape and express their individuality and freedom. But I like that this story is kind of exploring the idea of duty and how we as people deal with the concept. I also just in general like it's exploring the political things surrounding it. Like I love that frank conversation Taneli had with the king about marrying him for the kid to become the ruler, and he was completely unoffended seeming. This was just a real refreshing approach since as much as I love freedom, I also love talking about when duty needs to override freedom. As for what I like about the comic's story is that this really feels like a tabletop campaign. So many stories claim to be tabletop rpg-like, but they really deviate from the feel I imagine when I think of such a story. So I kind of like that this comic captures that spirit of adventure perfectly. As for the comic's overall strengths, for me it's just kind of the whole fantasy package. Between the art, the world-building, story's feel of being a tabletop, I think the comic is like the epitome of high fantasy and hits all the notes I personally believe high fantasies need to hit. So if someone said fantasy comic, this would be at the top of the list for a comic I would think of.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 2

9. Why do you think King Rishor was murdered, and why was Taneli seemingly framed in the process? Also, how do you think Leo got involved in everything, and how big of a role do you think he had in the plot?

10. What do you think will happen to Kitov and company as they search for answers and try to avoid capture? Will the group be able to find Leo, and if so, will that be enough to clear their names of suspicion?

11. Given Kitov and Taneli are both similar in regards to their experience levels, how do you think the events of the story will change them and their perspectives on the world? In what ways do you think they’ll remain the same?

12. How do you think the world itself will be affected by King Rishor’s death? Could it escalate into a war, or might Minash Turgal change for the worse? How will this affect characters like Lirre who helps Kitov and company out?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

RebelVampire

I get the impression King Rishor was probably murdered for two reasons. Once, to destabilize the country/kingdom/w/e you wanna call it, and two to start some sort of war (hence why you frame Taneli). Leo I think is just the pawn of someone else. In some ways, I kind of feel like Leo is a victim of great pain and that pain was somehow manipulated for nefarious means. As for Kitov and company, I think they'll find Leo, but heck no will that clear them of suspicion. You can't just escape and have no consequences or continued suspicion. That will not play into their favor. SO they're gonna have to just dig deeper and deeper into the plot and still run from the law at every turn. Though I do kind of feel they'll wind up back home at some point and find out things are bad there too somehow. As for the world itself, since I already mentioned this, I do think there's gonna be war brewing. Maybe not get to the point where it happens, but people will be scrambling around to prevent it and there'll probably be lots of angry people causing havoc in Minash Turgal cause these are the sorts of things where people need someone to blame. I think Lirre will probably be fine because I don't want to think about bad things happening to Lirre O_O Finally, regarding Kitov and Taneli changing. I think they're both gonna gain some smarts from this. I feel like Kitov could learn some more street smarts and learn that not every nice seeming person is a good person and that it's okay to distrust people you just met. Meanwhile, I think Taneli is just gonna learn the struggles normal people go through outside of the sheltered life she's lived, and that she'll be much wiser when it comes to politics. However, I think they'll both remain lovely people who are sweet and have that twinkle in their eye.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I feel like the murder of King Rishor was foreshadowed on this page: https://cryptsandcantrips.kytri.net/comic/twelve-4/ With the whole "obviously the people like me, because if they didn't, they'd vote to replace me" bit. Like, sure, that's true on a country-wide scale... but votes are majority rule, not unanimous. And sometimes... the smaller group of people who disagree with you can be very vocal.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 3

13. What are you most looking forward to seeing in regards to the comic?

14. Any final words of encouragement for the comic?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Taneli's my favorite too. She's very sheltered, but her heart's in the right place and she's adjusting as fast as she can, and she's active and enthusiastic which is great for plot motion. Plus, she gets the best clothes. I like the worldbuilding of "actually, our country has all kinds of mold-breaking things like non-hereditary elected rulers and public transportation." Here's hoping it catches on more widely. Leo's plotting is...complicated. Escorting the Princess gave him a great opportunity to get close for the assassination, and since he had the stuff in the luggage, it seems like he was plotting it the whole time. But the fact that Taneli was a Princess at all was supposed to be a secret from everyone except Kitov, right? The others were all surprised when it came out. Was it a plan that only came together when he arrived, and the poison was just planted to frame the others? Or was the poison in the luggage all along, and the secrecy of the whole mission was compromised from the beginning? Unrelated, I thought the sexual-orientation references were well-done. It's not like the whole cast sat in a circle and announced a list of identities each -- it came up naturally in one conversation with a few people, and they mentioned the parts of their experience that were relevant. Also really liked "masculinization potion." Some of the trans-related vocabulary stuck out from the rest of the dialogue, but this feels natural -- like, of course, those are the words a Medieval D&D Fantasy Person would use for it.

RebelVampire

What I'm most looking forward to seeing in the comic is probably just more of the plot revealed as to why assassinate the king and finding the whole motivation behind everything. Just because I'm hoping it opens up more questions to explore and also helps build the world. My final words are simply that this is a lovely comic with likeable characters and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes in terms of plot since the plot has definitely caught my interest.

Kytri

Hi, uh this is my first post here. I'm the writer/artist of Crypts and Cantrips. The week is over in about half an hour in my time zone, and I just wanted to stop in and say thanks for including my comic and for everyone's kind words.

My comics tend not to spark much discussion or feedback so it was a really nice change of pace.

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Crypts and Cantrips this week! Please also give a special thank you to Kieran Thompson for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Crypts and Cantrips, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://cryptsandcantrips.Kytri.net/

Kieran’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Kytri

Kieran’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/itsKytri

Kieran’s itch.io Store: https://Kytri.itch.io/

Kieran’s Teepublic page: https://www.teepublic.com/user/Kytri

Kieran’s TWITTER: https://twitter.com/Kytri

[revolutionnaire-farouche]

Do me a favour (Enjolras x Reader) Part 2

Summary: You can't hide the truth forever.

Warnings: A little angst, some descriptions of wounds, but a cute ending anyway

Notes: Thank you all for reading part 1, I hope you'll like this too! ♥️

At nights, you usually imagined all the worst case scenarios, just to be prepared. But you clearly weren't.

"I-I don't know what are you talking about, monsieur" You were struggling to keep a straight face as you were slowly walking backwards, but the man grabbed your arm as soon as he noticed it. Which put your friends in alert. Enjolras, who was sitting, was quickly to get up, with a frown on his face, as he tried to walk towards you to help you, but he was quickly stopped by other of them, who came to the rescue intead of the blond.

"Your father has been looking for you for nine months, Y/N! We thought something happened to you! We---" The man was clearly upset at you, and he was grabbing your arm really tight, hurting you. But he was interrupted for a person who appeared next to you. It was Grantaire.

"I'm sorry, monsieur. But there's a reason why are you grabbing my sister's arm?" His voice sounded deeper than usual, and he was giving the man a death stare.

"Your sister?" The man said confused, as he let your arm go, and you look at Grantaire for help. You didn't wanted to look at the others. You didn't wanted to look at Enjolras.

"Yes, my sister. Pauline, are you alright?" Grantaire looked at you, putting one of his arms around you, like he was trying to protect you.

"Yes, R. I'm alright. This man just thought I was somebody else" You followed Grantaire's lie, and you felt a little relief. The man widely opened his eyes, and he turn red.

"I'm sorry, monsieur! I'm embarrassed!" He started to apologized, and you were surprised that he believed it. "She looks just like Monsieur Y/S/N's daugther!"

"Oh, I see. But why will she be in this side of the city if she's the daugther of Monsieur Y/S/N? That's nonsense!" He faked a smile, and you too. Both of you were more relaxed now that he was buying it.

"I know, monsieur! But you never know. She disappeared nine months ago. She was always trouble for her dad. Always arguing and complaining! And then, nine months ago she wasn't nowhere to be found, and she just left a silly note on her bed. I am the one who's looking for her ever since. Maybe I'm seeing her everywhere!" The man said as he sat back on his chair, and you looked away from him.

"Oh, that's a shame. I really hope you'll find her. Her parents must be really worried." Grantaire spoke in a really credible concerned tone.

"Between you and me, maybe it's better this way. She never belong with that family, sometimes I think that the only reason why I'm looking for her is because her father arranged her wedding and he doesn't want to loose that money!" He said, letting go a obnoxious laugther. Grantaire had to fake a laugh too, even he thought what he said was despicable and he wanted to punch him. You on the other hand, felt deeply hurt. You knew that sometimes you and your father didn't got along, that was one of the reason you left home, but you still loved him and your sister, and hearing someone said something like that really hit you.

"You want some wine, monsieur?" You swallowed the nod of your throat to finally spoke out. Grantaire let you go, but he stayed beside you.

"Yes, please, mademoiselle." The man didn't even looked at you this time.

You quickly went to grab a bottle of wine. The moment was really awful, and you had you wipe some tears from your eyes. While you were serving the wine, you felt a hand on your shoulder, it was Grantaire.

"You are sure that you're fine?" He looked concerned, you were his friend, and he listened all the horrible things that the man said about you, he was clearly worried about how you might felt after that.

"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you, R, really. But can we talk later, please?" You avoid his eyes, you were ashamed about how he discover your lie. And not only him discovered it, but all Les Amis listened to the man's speech about you and your life before meeting them.

"Sure, I'll be with the others. Be careful" You nodded at him, before grabbing the glass and started walking towards the man again, you serve him his drink, and he gave you a tip for "the inconvenient".

You waited until he left, before heading towards your friends' table again. You actually didn't wanted to face them, but you have to do it, sooner or later. You took a deep breath, as you get closer to them. Everyone stared at you, until someone finally spoke.

"Are you alright, Y/N?" Bossuet said, he looked worried about how you felt.

"Yes, I guess I am...Listen. I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I was so comfortable with all of you, and I was scared to tell the truth and I..." You were visibly anxious, and you were speaking really fast. And before you can finish your sentences, Grantaire hugged you.

"Don't worry, darling. We don't care about it. Everything is fine." He said in a really sweet tone. You hugged him tight, you really needed a hug in that moment.

"Thank you, fake-brother" As you said that, Grantaire started laughing. When you let him go, you saw the rest of them really happy that you were fine. But then...

"She lied to us." You knew that voice really well. But this time It sounded really bitter. It was Enjolras.

"Enjolras..." Jehan said to him, like he was trying to stop him.

"No. She lied to us. And you just forgive her?" He looked really pissed, but behind his frown, he felt betrayed.

"You are right. I lied to you. And I'm deeply sorry." You started to felt dragged down again.

"She was scared, Enjolras. She left her fami..." Joly added, but he was interrupted by Enjolras again.

"We don't know her. She could even be a spy." That was just ridiculous, you couldn't believe what he was saying.

"That's it, Enjolras." Courfeyrac stopped him, he was clearly angry about how Enjolras was reacting.

"Yes, you are right. That's it." He said before heading to the back room.

You were freeze in that moment. That day was already bad, and it was just getting worst. Enjolras' words just made you feel even worst.

"I'm going to speak with him..." Combeferre tried to stand up, but Courfeyrac quickly grabbed his arm, and sat him on his chair again.

"Why don't you try to speak to him, Y/N?" Courfeyrac said, receiving a confused look from Combeferre.

"Yes, I will" you left your friends, and you headed to the back room.

"What was that?" Combeferre whispered to Courfeyrac.

"I'll explain you later" Courfeyrac answered to him, clearly worried.

You were standing in front of the back room's door. You weren't sure if you were ready to speak to Enjolras. He felt really betrayed. But in the end, you didn't have anything to lose. You opened the door, just to see Enjolras standing in front of the window, watching the view, and giving his back towards you. You walked closer to him, and you gained enough courage to finally speak.

"Enjolras...I know I should have told you the truth. I really tried, I esa going to tell you soon, but the truth is that I was scared, because I like you, and I didn't wanted to screw anything up. But well, I did it anyway. And I'm terribly sorry." You could heard the regret in your voice, but there wasn't a response to it. He was ignoring you.

"Enjolras, please. Listen to me..." You voice cracked a little as you were speaking. "Please, do me a favour and just look at me."

Enjolras felt really bad too. Why didn't you tell him? He fell for you really quick, and now he felt stupid because he didn't even know your real name. But it wasn't just that, you didn't tell him in all this time, he felt like you didn't trust him. But when he heard the words "Do me a favour" he could avoid thinking about all the nights you spend togheter talking, joking, and sharing things, that felt real for him. So decided to turn around. He saw your sad expression, looking for him, and he felt even worst. A part of him wanted to forgive you, and hug you, but another part of him felt let down. After a few of minutes of hesitation, he finally spoke.

"What did the note said?"

"W-What?" The question confused you a lot, you naturally frown

"The man. He said you left a note before leaving." He started avoiding your eyes again.

"Oh, that one..." You felt like he was avoiding the subject, but at least he was talking to you "I saw one of your speeches months ago, of course I didn't know it was you, and I felt really inspired. That was one of the reasons I runaway. So, my note said "Vive la France" "

Enjolras walked towards you, until he was standing next to you, he put one of his hands on your shoulder, and without even looking at you, he said "I forgive you" before leaving the room.

That "I forgive you" didn't felt real, and you just confirm it along the days. He stopped staying at the Musain at nights, he didn't spoke to you anymore, and worst of all, he was avoiding you. All your friends quickly noticed how both of you looked sad, you didn't sung anymore for them, and Enjolras looked less motivated at his speeches. They try to fix things up, but it didn't worked.

A few days later, another rally took place, but this time it wasn't successful as the last one. Soldiers arrived really quick, and they were very angry. You were helping people in their escape, and suddenly, you heard a shot sound, followed by a pain on the side if your waist. You quickly fell into the ground, as you direct one of your hands to your side, and when you looked at it, it was full of blood. Enjolras stay behind also helping people to escape, and when he heard the shot he started to look around, just to saw how you were in the floor, bleeding. His heart filled with fear, but he didn't stay still, he inmediately ran towards you. Without even thinking, he picked you up carefully, and started running to the Musain with you in his arms. You were surprised that he helped you, but also glad, but with the pain, you didn't think about it a lot, and you didn't try to speak to him.

When you arrived to the Musain, he started to calling Joly really loud, who came inmediately. You didn't even wanted to talk,

"What happened to her!?" Behind Joly, Bossuet appear screaming, nervous at the scene.

"She was shot, and she was in the ground. I bringed her here as quick as I can" Enjolras was really anxious and scared, what if something happens to you?

"I-I'm ok. It's not as bad as it looks, I swear..." You muttered.

"Bossuet, take her to her room, so I can attend her and she can rest" Bossuet nodded, and grabbed you carefully bridal style, you were kind of nervous he accidentally fell. Before leaving, you grabbed Enjolras arm, who stayed there to see how you were, he was surprised, and he direct a caring look at you.

"Thank you, Enjolras..." You felt really tired at that point, but you did an effor to smile at him, who returned it.

Once on your room, Joly took care of your wound, thankfully, it wasn't something serious, but you needed to stay in bed some time. When your friends receive the news, everyone came to see you, except Enjolras, who stay downstairs, concerned because he didn't knew anything about you since a few hours, and Joly didn't came out from your room in any moment. He was worried, what if something happened to you? his mind wasn't helping him to stay calm. At some point, Combeferre came out from your room, so Enjolras quickly approached him.

"Combeferre! How is she?" He was afraid, and anxious of the answer he might get after that question

"Why don't you go and ask her yourself?" He tried to leave, so Enjolras grabbed his arm

"Please...I just want to know if she's fine" His voice sounded particularly softer when he spoke of you, and you could saw on his face that he needed to know how you were, so Combeferre answered him.

"Y/N is fine. She loose some blood, but she'll survive." inevitably a smile appear on the blond's face, and he felt relief "But I think you should go and see her..."

"I don't know if she wants to see me" Enjolras knew he was wrong at push you away, and he thought you probably didn't wanted to see him after all.

"She misses you. And it's obvious you miss her...Just go and check on her" Combeferre left after saying that, and after some hesitation about his words, Enjolras finally decided to go to see you.

His head was filled with doubts, what if Combeferre was wrong? but he decided to enter to your room anyway, see you will surely make him feel even more relieved.

"You should have seen Javert's face when we...!" Inside the room, only Eponine, Gavroche, and Grantaire stayed with you, the others had things to do. Gavroche was telling a story, but when he heard the door, he stopped and looked at it, just to see Enjolras, everyone else did the same. When Eponine saw him, she quickly stand up, followed by Grantaire.

"Well, Gav. It's time to go! Y/N needs to rest" Meanwhile, Grantaire was giving Enjolras a smirk.

"But I didn't finished my story yet!" The little one complained, but he stood up anyway.

"You'll finish it later! Let's go"

Your three friends quickly left, greeting Enjolras before leaving. Once the door closed again, you just stayed silence for a minute. And Enjolras sat in a chair next to your bed.

"I just...I just wanted to know how are you" He finally spoke giving you a quick look before looking at the floor again.

"I'm fine. It wasn't really serious, but Joly insisted me to get some rest...and I don't know what it's more painful, the shot or not doing anything" Enjolras smiled at your words, and he looked at you again.

"Listen...I'm sorry." He face was filled with concern one more time.

"Enjolras, I already told you that it's not your fault the fact that sometimes the rallies end like this" You gave him a smile, you actually didn't care about getting hurt by helping other people.

"No, not about that. I'm sorry for pushing you away" Now you realized he was talking about what happened days ago, so you remained silent "It wasn't right. You were scared, and you barely met us...you barely met me. And you was just waiting to be sure we were trust worthy. And when I looked at you laying on the ground, bleeding, I couldn't bare the idea of losing you...And I didn't wanted that our last memory togheter is a fight. I was wrong, and I don't think I could say something to fix it, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry" He looked really sad before confesing it all, and what he was saying warmed your heart again.

"Stop..." He looked surprised about you saying that. You moved to one side of the bed, leaving the other side free, as you gave him a smile "Come here"

He sat next to you, and before he could even put himself comfortable, you hugged him, trying not to do so much effor because of your wound. He softly hugged you back, and he took a moment to enjoy that moment, and to feel your smell again. You put your head on his chest, enjoying his warm embrace.

"I forgive you" You separated a little from him, but keeping the embrace. He lay down on the bed next to you, and you stared at eachother for a while, admiring the other just like you were admiring a paiting. With one of his hands, he started to caress your cheek, before placing a kiss on your lips. That kiss revived something in both of you, you suddenly felt full of joy again, and you wanted to stay in that moment as long as you can.

"I'm sorry for lying you in first place" You said while looking at him.

"It doesn't matter anymore. You're still you, and that's all that matters" He placed a kiss on your forehead.

"We should check if Courfeyrac didn't forgot his jacket around here again"

You started laughing and, just as you used to do, you started talking about everything again, enjoying eachother's company. In that moment, that was all you needed.

[megatentious]

Majin Tensei 2 and Shin Megami Tensei If… let’s talk about them

This past year saw the fan translation release of two 16-bit Megaten games, Shin Megami Tensei If… (lord help me if I need to type this ellipsis every time) and Majin Tensei 2. I am maybe the only person who decided to play through both of these games for the first time in English in one year, and so maybe it will be instructive to see how these two series black sheep (can you call a game a black sheep if no one has actually played it?) fit together in the context of the larger franchise. Or maybe this is just an ungainly excuse to cobble together months-old observations into blog content. Let’s find out!!

Both of these games come from a period when Atlus was still trying to figure things out from a game design perspective, testing how much they could push their console audience with PC dungeon crawler inspirations. There were no compunctions at this point about making unforgiving design choices, even in their crowning achievement mainline series games. Sometimes this worked, like the lack of guidance in Shin Megami Tensei 1 leading to perfectly tuned feelings of lonely exploration. Sometimes this didn’t quite work, like the tedious backtracking and brutally untelegraphed stat skill check requirements of Shin Megami Tensei 2. “Getting Megaten’d” is a message board expression meant to describe the sudden game overs that can occur in this series after hours of play, so it’s not as if unforgiving punishment is something that has been eradicated from the more modern games. But there’s a reason even many Megafans (yes i just said megafans, please deal with that) refuse to play anything in this franchise that released before the Playstation 2, and it’s because of choices that are perceived as promoting tedium and time-wasting. We’ve seen how this can affect their big marquis mainline successes, but what happens when you apply these principles to dicier spinoffs? Well…

Majin Tensei 2 is at least, quite conceptually ambitious. Spanning numerous worlds and time periods, showcasing political intrigue and explicitly defined characters with varying motivations, five distinct endings across light-dark and law-chaos axes, hidden events that depend on how many turns you take and which demons you have in your party, there is a lot (too much!) to keep track of. There are ideas in Majin Tensei that pre-sage much of what makes up Devil Survivor, from demon races with differing map skills to introducing demon fusion to a strategy RPG space that was mainly just Shining Force and Front Mission. In practice though, what you do repeatedly in Majin Tensei 2 is slowly s l o w l y clear fifty plus maps, maps that will occasionally provide fun challenges, but more often that not will repeat large not particularly memorable landmasses with simply hellish amounts of monsters. Seriously look at this screenshot I took, this is less than one third of the map!

There’s a reason that so many volunteer debuggers dropped out during playtesting, and there is a reason that 100% of the ones who persevered used fast forwarding emulation features to finish. This is because Majin Tensei 2’s sluggishness can be linked to the infamous Code Name: S.T.E.A.M. problem, S.T.E.A.M. being a largely unloved Intelligent Systems strategy game on 3DS that was raked over the coals in reviews for allowing enemy phases to go on for inordinate amounts of time. Majin Tensei 2 does that game one better by allowing literal minutes and minutes to pass as each enemy decides its action one by one. Do you remember that map in the screenshot above? Imagine twice as many enemies as that taking 10 seconds each to complete their own turn. Majin Tensei 2 makes it clear that you are absolutely not supposed to kill every enemy, through turn limit bonuses and appeals to your general sanity. But that still doesn’t stop the game from dumping demons haphazardly across each map in the manner of someone pounding the bottom of a trashcan to make sure every piece of refuse has tumbled out. So even if you are trying to be efficient, with each passing turn you’re going to be dealing with plenty of downtime.

So yes, the game is cruel. Just to take one example, Majin Tensei 2 spends the whole game teaching you that you need to keep someone tough at your home base even if you think you are safe, since at any moment some sort of aerial demon can sweep in from 12 spaces across the map to occupy it and end your game. And then in one level 40 chapters or so in, the game will punish you for keeping anyone behind at your home base by spawning multiple inaccessible dragon type demons who will one shot anyone who was trying to hold down the fort no matter what (did I mention that this game has instant permadeath for all demons and instant game over for any of your five human characters, five humans whom you cannot possibly level up sufficiently to all be able to survive multiple demon attacks?). Majin Tensei 2 is willing to mess with you to the extent that it absolutely wants you to cheat. After all, this is a game that in 1995, allowed you to save after every turn, which is another way of the designers telling you that savestate abuse (or in my case, copious use of the rewind button) is built into the design.

So why put up with this sort of nonsense? Well, for one, you’re dealing with the atmosphere of a 16-bit Atlus game, a combination of visuals, sound design, music and tone that is simply unlike anything else in the industry. And there is absolutely satisfaction to be found in slowly conquering the game’s maps. But those who scoff at something like, say, Soul Hackers, will find this game absolutely impenetrable, which likely means it will only ever be played through by advance Megatenists (okay i changed it to this, are you happy). Majin Tensei 2 tries to do quite a bit, switching up much even from its direct predecessor, and the play experience ends up suffering despite the ambition.

SMT If in comparion, well … If is by far the least ambitious game in the series to date. While Majin Tensei 2 lavishes you with cool unique digitized photo backgrounds, an extraordinary soundtrack with lengthy moody electronica from the late great Hidehito Aoki, and spectacular boss sprites, SMT if reuses all the most drab and uninspired wall textures from its predecessors, and offers absolutely nothing in terms of new music. Worse yet, many of the reused tracks have somehow depreciated in the conversion. Listen to the offkey shrillness of the iconic Ginza music here , seriously what did they do to it!?. If does feature some lovely new boss sprites, showcasing demons from rarer mythologies that were never again revisited (where are all my Persians at ATLUS???), but even some of the best of these are hidden in new game plus routes the average player will likely never see. The general fugliness of the overall game and relentless asset reuse gives the whole experience a very unfortunate rom-hack feel, and though it’s not hard to figure out why the game ended up this way (it was cranked out less than 9 months after SMT2) it doesn’t make things better.

I should note one important item here, however, and that is that the PSX version renders almost all of these complaints obsolete. It’s the version I first played actually, stumbling through the first few hours untranslated during a Japanese PS+ trial period. The PSX version not only offers very dramatic visual upgrades and some excellent needed remixes, there is a small measure of kindness built in for the player through the game’s Easy Mode. It’s only in this mode for whatever reason that Atlus offers a design “solution” for the most infamous portion of the game, a dungeon in which you are required to wait for hours of lunar cycles in order for students to dig your path forward. In Easy Mode the time requirement is halved for you. Behold the design advancements of the 32-bit era!

If is generally an odd game in the context of the series. There is a type of person out there who likes to call this game Persona Zero, and for people who have played the Snow Queen route of Persona One I can see why the comparison is made. But despite the initial high school setting and pseudo-selectable party members, it still feels strange and off-putting to play a Shin Megami Tensei game with almost no meaningful narrative choices (routes here are essentially locked in at the start). Guardians are seen as proto-Personas, but in this game they are earned only through dying and are associated with combinations of stat augments and skill lists that are frequently at odds with each other. What you end up with is a system that is interesting conceptually (should I die to gain useful spells at the cost of my current stats?) but unworkable in practice (it is almost never worth the steep steep battle count cost to experiment). The seven deadly sins theming is sometimes used to inform the map design and dungeon concept, but again more often than not these concepts simply lead to unfortunate tedium for the player (shout out to the final dungeon of Reiko’s route though, which very brilliantly mashes together traditional SMT dungeon design and a thematically cool map floor I won’t spoil for you).

If we look at SMT If through the prism of 16-bit Atlus design principles, having the foundation of SMT1 and 2 to work from should in theory have led the developers to refine their decisions in ways that ought to have helped the player experience. Instead, the game makes bold choices that result in remarkably less fun. For example, If understands that guns were ludicrously over-powered in 1 and 2, and tries to course correct by … making it much more tedious for the player to use guns? Bullets now cost money and can only be bought by slowly ticking up the counter to 99 one click at a time, with each bundle purchase of 99 filling up a limited inventory slot. The encounter rate is as insane as usual, Estoma takes a little bit more time to get than usual, and the game’s economy does not afford you that many useful things to spend money on in terms of equipment. Combine these three aspects of the game and every player invariable ends up large quantities of makka on hand to spend on bullets to your hearts content, and given that bullets are still far and away the best way to dispatch groups of enemies, you’ll find yourself engaging in this tedium in order to play the game efficiently.

I’ve spent a lot of time repeating the word tedium in these observations, and it’s unfortunate that this is the main takeaway most players will get from playing these two games. Both SMT If and Majin Tensei 2 devise interesting systems and then execute them as grimly as possible from a playability standpoint. There are aspects of true unique accomplishment in both games (Majin Tensei 2 has the funniest demon negotiation dialogue in the entire franchise! SMT If’s final dungeon really is super cool!) but the kind of player who is willing to experience them is essentially a rounding error. I don’t have any regret at all that I played through each of them in their entirety (FYI Majin Tensei 2 is longer than Dragon Quest 7 or Persona 5 and SMT If has a new game plus with all new dungeons that increase difficulty and dullness), but I might understand if you have regret. Then again who knows, you made it to the end of this aimless and dull writeup so maybe these games will be right up your alley! Be sure to let me know!!!

[gobigorgohome2016]

Taper Week 1 + Final Big Workout

I am in the home stretch, which is strange because I’m feeling very different from other marathon training cycles.  

Normally at this point, I am plotting out exactly what I am going to do as soon as I cross the finish line:  drink a beer, eat a burger, and not engage in any physical activity for a glorious 14 days.  Last year, the US half marathon championships couldn’t come soon enough.  Even on the starting line, all I could think about was covering 13.1 miles as quickly as possible solely so that I could take a break.  Definitely not the right mindset for running your best! 

Traditionally, taper has been hard for me.  Not from the standpoint of “taper crazies”  - I’m not going to lie, when people complain about running less I just don’t get it.  At the same time, my taper is relatively small.  I ran 108 miles for my peak week, and last week I ran 92 (which includes one day off).  When you track my 7 day stretch from Tuesday to Monday, I still covered 102 miles.  This week will be lower, though, coming in at 76.  It will be weird to only run once per day most of the week.  Actually, today was my first single run in weeks and I felt like I had infinitely more time on my hands!  Of course that means I was less productive, because the best way to get things done is to be really busy, amirite?  

I’m starting to wonder if my early season setbacks will have actually served a greater purpose.  I feel like the last few weeks have been a turning point in my fitness and that things are coming together.  About 4 weeks ago I was running a warm up and I thought to myself you need to just be okay with the fact this might not be a PR training cycle.  After I had that thought, I wound up running a better-than-expected workout and I feel like I’ve been on the up and up ever since.  I’m not sure I have ever made it to this point in training feeling as though my legs are still fresh.  

On Sunday I did what I love to do during taper:  I pored over my running logs and looked at data.  I love to look at my mileage totals.  Here is my mileage during the same 92 day periods leading up to each race:

Twin Cities:  1,019 miles Olympic Trials:  1,163 miles Pittsburgh:  1,147 miles

At the end of the day, I will have only run 16 fewer miles than I did in the 3 months leading up to the Trials.  That doesn’t tell the whole story, though.  That training window includes a 3 week period where I was dealing with a hamstring issue.  If we look at the final 6 weeks of training, the mileage totals are slightly different:

Twin Cities:  505 miles Olympic Trials: 554 miles Pittsburgh:  565 miles

I have definitely come on stronger the last few weeks whereas in past training, I have struggled during taper to have motivation to run.  At the end of the day, training and racing only produces more data, so it will be interesting for me to see how the increased mileage plays a role in the outcome.  

I’m in the process of reading Deena Kastor’s Let Your Mind Run.  This book could not have come out at a better time for me.  I like to read during taper.  Before Twin Cities, I read Once a Runner.  Before the Trials, I read Suzy Favor Hamilton’s Fast Girl.  

Deena’s positivity has helped me look at the last few months and reframe them.  At one point I truthfully wondered why I was bothering to run this marathon when it didn’t seem like I was going to be in my best shape.  I will be the first to admit that I struggle at times with perfectionism when it comes to running (seriously nothing else though.  sometimes I wonder how I graduated college).  Something that tremendously helped was when my coach reminded me this race doesn’t have to be perfect - it just has to be good, I’m already a pretty damn good runner.  

Deena’s book inspired me to reframe a lot of the negative thoughts that have been holding me back lately.  For instance, I have used one word to describe this training cycle:  setback.  I’m pretty sure I have uttered that word more times in the last 4 months than I have in my entire life.  Instead of thinking about the things that have hindered progress, why not think of them as things I have overcome?  At the end of the day, I have run a shit ton of miles after dealing with:

-a calf injury -a plantar injury -a hamstring injury -a badly infected blister -a couple illnesses -a post-tib issue -the worst case of eczema I’ve experienced in my 20′s -unmet expectations at races  -new food sensitivities that undoubtedly contributed to the previous 8 items on this list

I prevailed despite all of these things.  What’s so hard about a marathon after your toe doubles in size because it is infected and is so painful  you have to drive barefoot in the middle of winter because your shoe is applying too much painful pressure on your toe when you hit the gas pedal? 

Deena’s book is also helping me see the other things I do - the things that are easy to forget - that make me a better athlete.  Joe Vigil has a quote that there is no such thing as overtraining, just underresting.  I love that.  This training cycle I have made it a point to:

-nap at least 60 minutes every day  -eliminate foods that I know my body cannot tolerate (science is cool) -get a massage every 2 weeks -set up mental game sessions as needed -have increased contact with my coach -make dietitian appointments as needed -make visualization a priority -do daily yoga instead of one session per week -more core/lifting -practice race day [this training cycle I made it a point to practice getting up at 4 AM before a couple long run workouts so that I wasn’t in shock when I had to do it for the race]

There is no guarantee that any of these things are going to make a better runner; but, there was something that Des Linden said leading up to Boston that spoke to me:  I could live with myself if I didn’t win Boston.  I decided I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try.  (referring to her training)

If I don’t reach my ultimate goal of breaking 2:30 in the marathon, I’ll live.  But, as long as I am training I will have a hard time not doing everything in my power that I know will contribute to success.  I often think of my mom telling me in high school (when I was half-assing my assignments) “if it’s a job worth doing, it’s a job worth doing well.”    

The past week of workouts has been good.  I’m not sure where the notion came from that taper weeks are easy.  In reality, the lower mileage gives way to more intensity.  Here’s what my week looked like:

M:  off (first dasy off in 6 weeks!) T: AM:  4, PM:  12 mi total w/ 6 x mi @ marathon effort ending with a mile at half marathon effort W:  AM:  10, PM:  6 Th:  AM:  6 x 400 m @ mile race pace w/ full recovery, PM:  7 F:  AM:  10, PM:  5 Sa:  AM:  8, PM:  5 Su:  AM:  16 mi cut down finishing in 5:44; PM:  4 mi shake out

Total for the week was 92, and I’m really happy with how my legs felt during that cut down.  I remember that workout before Twin Cities and crawling through the shake out later in the day because my legs were trashed.  The biggest difference I have noticed during the past 4 or 5 weeks is that my legs are recovering really well.

Today was my last big workout, and it was actually one I have never done before!  The plan was 3 x 15:00 at threshold pace.  While there is little fitness to be gained at this point, I’m so glad I did this workout because it was a huge mental win.  

I went to the tow path for the workout, which is a crushed limestone path in Indy.  I figured 15:00 should be roughly 2.5 miles.  My plan was to do a 2.5 mi stretch, then a 2.5 mi loop through a neighborhood, then the 2.5 mi stretch back.  I did not account for how much rain we have had lately, and the tow path was a muddy, sloppy, puddle-dotted mess.  We also have had pretty cold weather, so today was quite the contrast with 60 degrees and 100% humidity / light rain.  Fun fact:  I have run in a sports bra and shorts once this year, and that was in February.  

My superhero running strength is that I’m really good at not going out too fast, and at progressively picking up the pace in workouts as I go.  Actually, when this doesn’t happen I generally know something might be wrong with me.  Today was not that day.  

My first mile of my first 15:00 was 5:49.  This is not my threshold pace on a perfect weather day, and it’s definitely not my threshold pace on wet, muddy, soggy ground when I am slipping and sliding everywhere.  My second mile was 5:46.  I wound up covering 2.57 mi in 15:00 minutes.  

My fatal flaw as a runner is that, when I see these splits, I feel as though I must continue getting faster.  not the point of this workout.  So, I convinced myself that I needed to slow down.  

My first mile was 5:52 of the second 15:00 tempo.  Honestly, my legs felt like garbage.  I was running through a neighborhood on completely soaked streets trying to make turns and I ran way too hard in my previous effort.  My quads felt like crap.  My 2nd mile was 6:00.  I panicked.  Quads are heavy + slowing down.  When was the last time I felt this way?  Oh, right, when I was anemic in the fall.  At 12:00 I just stopped running.  I contemplated calling it a day and jogging back to my car.  Actually, I convinced myself that was what I should do.  If my quads are heavy, why add extra strain?  Then I spiraled.  What if I feel this way during the marathon and just walk off the course?  

Finally I decided I was going to finish the workout no matter what, even if it meant running 6:30 pace.  I took a couple minutes to regroup and decided the final tempo would be 18:00, to account for the 3 that I missed when I cut the second one short.  I would start slow (closer to my actual threshold pace), and no matter what stick this one out.  First mile:  6:07.  Much better.  Second mile:  6:02.  3rd mile:  5:55.  So, I made a workout that wasn’t supposed to be hard much more difficult than it had to be.  

But, I’m happy that it happened that way.  It is very rare for me to have a bad day in practice.  It’s even rarer for me to stop.  I don’t get a lot of opportunities to practice bringing it back around and making the day successful.  Having at least one experience like this going into the marathon is important, because if there is anything we’ve learned in the past 10 days, it’s that you can think you’re going to drop out of a race at half way, then find yourself becoming the first American in 33 years to win the Boston marathon.  

[placetobenation]

The Road to WrestleMania is off to a white hot start!

Your first two superstars set for Tampa April 10-11 are Bianca Belair and Edge with their respective Royal Rumble wins. Both had magical runs with Edge running the table for a full hour from the #1 spot while Belair almost matched him from the #3 position, going 56+ minutes.

I thought both Rumble matches were very good with men’s being a bit more cohesive. They missed a storyline detail with Orton’s face being magically cured just 6 days after seeing it exposed on RAW. I’m glad they didn’t go down the road of Orton missing most of the Rumble with the new injury and then coming back at the end to eliminate Edge. Edge going wire-to-wire was inspirational. Ricochet being in and no Keith Lee was never explained, although I’m sure it was COVID-19 related for Lee with Mia Yim already announcing she had tested positive prior that weekend. Bad Bunny taking out The Miz & John Morrison was your entertainment clip for the next day and the start of a beautiful relationship with the WWE for Latin rapper/wrestling fan. Good showings for the returning Seth Rollins, Big E and Damian Priest with 4 eliminations a piece to lead the men. Omos got two eliminations from the outside when he pulled out Big E and Rey Mysterio. At what point do they expose him to some action in the ring?

Bad Bunny Hits Frog Splash Off the Top Rope at Royal Rumble, Take That Miz! https://t.co/d7AlwU7lqx

— TMZ (@TMZ) February 2, 2021

On the women’s side, Billie Kay was funny, Rhea Ripley was a beast with a night-topping 7 eliminations and the final three was fantastic with Belair, Ripley and Flair.

Roman Reigns and Kevin Owens stole the night going around Tropicana Field beating the holy hell out of each other. I’m just glad Paul Heyman finally got those handcuffs off!

Sasha Banks vs. Carmella was very good, but I just wonder what they do with Carmella now after all the hype.

Drew McIntyre and Goldberg did what they needed to do – pass the torch of respect and keep Goldberg in mind, looking relatively strong for another match at WrestleMania.

The less we say about the kick-off women’s tag team championship match the better. Predictable as the day is long and we get Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler as champs again, YAWN!

Star of the Week:

Edge – Seriously, is any explanation needed?!

RAW

RESULTS

United States Championship Match: Riddle defeated Bobby Lashley by DQ

Xavier Woods defeated Mustafa Ali

Damian Priest defeated The Miz

RAW Tag Team Championship Match: The Hurt Business defeated Lucha House Party

Triple Threat Tag Team Elimination Match: Naomi & Lana defeated Charlotte Flair & Asuka and Mandy Rose & Dana Brooke to win championship match

Jeff Hardy & Carlito defeated Jaxson Ryker & Elias

Alexa Bliss defeated Nikki Cross

Edge defeated Randy Orton

Needless to say Edge is having one hell of a week and Monday Night RAW and thus, we the fans, are benefitting.

Monday Night EDGE was full of the Royal Rumble winner from Sunday night. First, off, he sets the tone for the night by telling WWE Champion Drew McIntyre that he and he only, will set the place and time when he decides who Edge will face at WrestleMania.

Why @WWESheamus WHY?! The Celtic Warrior has just Brogue Kicked his best friend @DMcIntyreWWE on #WWERaw! pic.twitter.com/YoDWX6oyuN

— WWE (@WWE) February 2, 2021

Just a few moments later, Sheamus turned on his friend of 20 years, setting up their feud and future title match.

Amazing.@ArcherofInfamy just got words of encouragement from @EdgeRatedR. What a first night on #WWERaw! pic.twitter.com/WzjQ2KQxST

— WWE (@WWE) February 2, 2021

Then, later on in the show, Edge gives his rub and thumbs up to Damian Priest, RAW’s newest member after his Royal Rumble debut. Finally, after a challenge from old friend Randy Orton, Edge puts to bed his feud with The Legend Killer with an assist from Alexa Bliss. A fun night of EDGE indeed!

An unnerving distraction, to say the least, for @RandyOrton…#WWERaw @AlexaBliss_WWE pic.twitter.com/paRiHFui8X

— WWE (@WWE) February 2, 2021

Speaking of Little Miss Bliss, she continues to be a primetime player, inserting herself into the finish of the Edge/Orton match, paying back The Viper for his costing her the RAW Women’s Championship one week earlier. You wonder if at some point, they have them face-off in the ring in an intergender match. And oh yes, we’re just waiting for the reincarnation of The Fiend before WrestleMania.

It looks like we will get an intergender match between Xavier Woods and RECKONING once Mia Yim comes back from COVID-19. It’s now 2-2 between Woods and RETRIBUTION, so Woods wants the tiebreaker. We can only hope it’s as good as Sasha Banks vs. Reginald.

Damian Priest, along with Bad Bunny, made their RAW debuts a successful one taking out The Miz. Say what you will about celebrities, but I though Bad Bunny made a good showing with the leap off the top rope at the Royal Rumble and then with appearance on MizTV followed by the Priest/Miz match. I can just see a tag team match down the road, maybe at WrestleMania coming. It’s a win-win for the WWE with mainstream following of Bad Bunny. BTW: Booker T is hilarious in his old GI Bro get-up for the video.

Nice to see Carlito back in the Rumble and on RAW. Not sure why he’s teaming with Jeff Hardy other than filling up a spot to take down Jaxon Ryker & Elias, a team that seems to be going nowhere after an impressive start.

As for The Hurt Business, Bobby Lashley won the war but lost the battle by DQ to Riddle. There’s most to come between those two I’m sure. Meanwhile, the tension continues between Cedric Alexander, Shelton Benjamin and MVP. It’s only a matter of time before the unfortunate break-up between these three. It’s unnecessary for sure.

NXT

RESULTS

Dusty Rhodes Women’s Tag Team Classic Semifinals: Raquel Gonzalez & Dakota Kai defeated Kacy Catanzaro & Kayden Carter

Austin Theory defeated Leon Ruff

Dusty Rhodes Men’s Tag Team Classic Quarterfinals: Legado del Fantasma defeated Lucha House Party

Jessi Kamea defeated Toni Storm by DQ

NXT Cruiserweight Championship Match: Santos Escobar defeated Curt Stallion

Dusty Rhodes Men’s Tag Team Classic Quarterfinals: Timothy Thatcher & Tommaso Ciampa defeated The Undisputed Era

Talk about a jam packed two-hour show folks! NXT had it in spades Wednesday night.

.@KacyCatanzaro is a HUMAN HIGHLIGHT REEL.#WWENXT #DustyClassic @RaquelWWE pic.twitter.com/pm7E2BnePb

— WWE NXT (@WWENXT) February 4, 2021

To start the night, Raquel Gonzalez & Dakota Kai fought off a valiant effort from the underdog team of Kacy Catanzaro & Kayden Carter to gain a spot in the Dusty Rhodes Women’s Tag Team Classic Finals. Truth be told, I thought Kacy & Kayden were going to pull off the upset until Gonzalez’ brute strength won out.

What can you say about Leon Ruff and Austin Theory? Loved the way the match played out. Everything was entertaining and made sense. Ember Moon, Shotzi Blackheart, Indie Hartwell and Candice LeRae was just enough to let Ruff pull off an Eddie Guerrero tribute to get Johnny Gargano tossed. Theory getting the win was the right choice and then Dexter Lumis making the save while pulling out Theory’s hair extends the story.

Lucha Libre grabbed the spotlight as Legado del Fantasma took out Lucha House Party in a high-flying match. Now, we get MSK and Legado in the Dusty Rhodes Men’s Classic Semi’s next week in what will be a certain classic.

.@EdgeRatedR hasn't held the #NXTTitle yet. Ya know, #WrestleMania would be a great time to hold it… just saying.#WWENXT @FinnBalor @PeteDunneYxB pic.twitter.com/GMU6NixS4e

— WWE NXT (@WWENXT) February 4, 2021

What better way to put more intensity into Finn Balor and Pete Dunne’s NXT TakeOver: Vengeance Day announcement then to put the Rater R Superstar right in the middle of it! Edge’s first visit to NXT puts even more intrigue into who the Royal Rumble winner will face at WrestleMania. Talk about a promo bringing goosebumps. That was it, friends. Straight to the point and I loved the line about sometimes in WWE they focus more about the “E” but in NXT, it’s more about the “W.” 

"𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒉𝒂 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦."#WWENXT pic.twitter.com/Y0WphQYYE6

— WWE NXT (@WWENXT) February 4, 2021

How old is Tian Sha? Did they 1,000 years old? #Intrigued

I could’ve done without the run-in by Mercedes Martinez and Io Shira in the Toni Storm vs. Jessi Kamea match. The DQ ending in under two minutes didn’t do anyone any justice. But, let’s be honest, when Shirai, Storm and Martinez is the low point of your show, that’s a pretty damn good night!

Never scared, never intimidated, ALWAYS Chingon #NORespect

@WWE belongs to my Legado. pic.twitter.com/djbR1uL8UB

— SANTOS ESCOBAR

(@EscobarWWE) February 4, 2021

Santos Escobar is Elite. That much he proved again with another successful defense of his NXT Cruiserweight Championship over Curt Stallion. There’s few that can match in move for move in the ring. But, now where will this latest beef with Karrion Kross lead to while Scarlett watches him win and then Kross gives him the gift of time after beating up Joaquin Wilde and Raul Mendoza. Tick. Tock. Who’s on the clock. Could it be Edge and Kross? Yes, please!

"Words like that, they can be motivating. They can motivate me to come back here. I don't think you'd like that." – @EdgeRatedR to @WWEKarrionKross We'd like that very much tho' #WWENXT pic.twitter.com/QplaMEd2fY

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) February 4, 2021

Pretty sure bodies aren't meant to bend like that. #WWENXT (via @WWENXT) pic.twitter.com/5dUnjnWpog

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) February 4, 2021

For a team that was just thrown together out of respect, Tommaso Ciampa and Timothy Thatcher are making things mighty interesting in the Dusty Rhodes Men’s Tag Team Classic! I knew it would be a good main event, but that was one fun, physical match against The Undisputed Era. Thatcher even gave himself up so that Ciampa could get the pin over Roderick Strong with the Willow’s Bell. Now, it’s the Grizzled Young Veterans in the semis next week.

SMACKDOWN

RESULTS

Dominik Mysterio defeated King Corbin

Cesaro defeated Daniel Bryan

Bayley defeated Ruby Riott

Non-title SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match: Robert Roode & Dolph Ziggler defeated Otis & Chad Gable

Intercontinental Championship Triple Threat Match: Big E defeated Sami Zayn and Apollo Crews to retain title

Even an assault on both Rey and Dominik Mysterio before the match didn’t eliminate the chance of yet another Corbin vs. Dominik match this week. At least Mysterio got the pinfall this time, but it still didn’t really give me any intrigue as to why I should be invested in their story. Has Corbin given us any reason why hates the Mysterios so much? Nah, didn’t think so.

.@WWECesaro picks up a HUGE win over @WWEDanielBryan on #SmackDown! pic.twitter.com/qGw3wq4G3H

— WWE (@WWE) February 6, 2021

In better news, we get more Cesaro and Daniel Bryan. Just give these guys 60 minutes and an Ironman Match already! Love the run that Cesaro is on. There’s got to be a nice payoff coming for the King of Swing. Maybe he’ll get the spot against Roman Reigns that we all thought Bryan was going to get.

It'll be #BossTime at @DAYTONA!#SmackDown @SashaBanksWWE @NASCARONFOX pic.twitter.com/qdZr8ssMC3

— WWE (@WWE) February 6, 2021

Vroom! Vroom! Sasha Banks is going to get them started at the Daytona 500!

Give me more Reginald! Every week, he puts himself more and more of the spotlight. This week, though, he does protest too much and after telling Bianca Belair that she can’t beat Sasha, he gets a hairful of whipping ponytail across his backside. No official decision from the EST, but things are heating up with Banks, Carmella, Belair and of course, Reggie.

New music for the tag team champs plus a win over Otis & Chad Gable. Nice commentary work by The Street Profits. I’ll put this one in the same place as Bayley vs. Ruby Riott, more filler than anything special. Not bad, just not memorable.

#SmackDown @EdgeRatedR @ShinsukeN pic.twitter.com/MGbHheksHX

— WWE (@WWE) February 6, 2021

Edge and Shinsuke Nakamura. Respect.

Not sure Edge needed the Hulk Hogan rub but it was nice going down memory lane 33 years ago for Hogan vs. Andre on The Main Event.

Bye bye, @SamiZayn! #SmackDown pic.twitter.com/dfP9gvs3va

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) February 6, 2021

Good three-way work for the I-C Title between Big E, Sami Zayn and Apollo Crews. Poor Sami, gets power-pressed into the timekeeper’s area after Crews stopped him from pinning Big E for the title. In the end, Big E retains over Crews and continues his ascent on SmackDown. Who’s next?

Who will @EdgeRatedR choose to face at @WrestleMania? pic.twitter.com/Agl2AmYqap

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) February 6, 2021

Edge wraps up his week on SmackDown. But, will we get an answer to who he’ll face at WrestleMania? Reigns wants acknowledgement. Edge says he’s already taking up space in Roman’s head but he’s not here alone. Bingo! Once Reigns clears Paul Heyman and Jey Uso from the ring, Kevin Owens is back with a stunner. No decision from Edge but we do get one long smirk to end the show. Keep the intrigue going! Great decision. Slow walk it and build up the anticipation on all the shows!

Parting Shots:

Still cannot believe @RonKillings managed to cut a flawless promo on my show after tossing me around my room and taking my title! https://t.co/nIck9htkey via @YouTube

— Peter Rosenberg (@Rosenbergradio) February 2, 2021

Nicely done Peter Rosenberg. Less than 24 hours as 24/7 Champion and losing it on the YES Network LIVE!

Things are looking sweet for Valentine’s Day at NXT TakeOver: Vengeance Day.

NXT Championship: Finn Balor vs. Pete Dunne

NXT Women’s Championship Triple Threat Match: Io Shirai vs. Toni Storm vs. Mercedes Martinez

NXT North American Championship Match: Johnny Gargano vs. KUSHIDA

Dusty Rhodes Women’s Tag Team Classic Finals

Dusty Rhodes Men’s Tag Team Classic Finals

Coming up this week:

RAW: What’s next for Sheamus and Drew McIntyre?

NXT: Cameron Grimes returns Dusty Rhodes Women’s Tag Team Classic Semifinals: Candice LeRae & Indi Hartwell vs. Shotzi Blackheart & Ember Moon Dusty Rhodes Men’s Tag Team Classic Semifinals: Grizzled Young Veterans vs. Tommaso Ciampa & Timothy Thatcher Dusty Rhodes Men’s Tag Team Classic Semifinals: MSK vs. Legado del Fantasma

SMACKDOWN: Seth Rollins returns

Thanks for letting us share our thoughts! Shoot me an email at jcrowe567@gmail.com. We’d love to hear your comments and suggestions! You can also check out my blog, The Crowe’s Nest as we delve into more pro wrestling, sports entertainment and the World of Sports. My apologies ahead of time – I AM a Patriots, Red Sox, Celtics and Bruins fan! If you’re not down with that, I’ve got TWO WORDS for you… NEW ENGLAND

[moonlitmagic]

Art Witch Tips 🎨

Charge your supplies w/ your intent to gain an extra boost of whatever you need while working with them

Make personal associations with colors! Like blue=calm, green=lively, orange=energetic, etc.

When using color associations or drawing sigils, use upward strokes to release something, and downward strokes to bring it in. Example: using blue colored pencil in upwards strokes to release sadness

Need some emotional release? Make something! Use whatever colors, supplies, and symbolism represents how you're feeling, and get it onto the paper and out of your head.

Use charged water (moon/rain/storm/sun) in paintings! This gives them a nice energy for if you're going to sell them, or hang them up to add to the vibe of the room

Used paint water can be utilised in spells! Use it in spells to boost creativity, help sell your work if that's your thing, give motivation, or inspire completion of a project. You could also use it in spell jars, or set it on an altar to represent a job well done, finished projects, creativity, etc!

Use art to connect with or give tribute to the elements! Water colors, using ocean/lake/pond/rain water in your paintings, or using seashells for water; burning the edges of the page, sprinkling ashes over it, or using candle wax from a burning candle for fire; using dirt, making prints of leaves, or completing it outside for earth; and letting the wind dry the paint, blowing away pencil shavings, or utilizing feathers for air.

Draw instead of write when manifesting! We're always told that writing out your wishes and sticking them in a safe place helps manifestation, but with drawing, you're visualizing what you want, AND putting it on paper. Powerful, in my opinion.

Try out automatic drawing! You may have heard of automatic writing, but did you know you could automatic draw too? This might be better for my artist friends out there to use for divination or connecting with spirit/angels/ancestors/deities/whomever else you may want to connect with!

Protect your sketchbook! Use a charm, draw a sigil in the front, etc. Looking in your sketchbook is like looking at fragments of your mind; it would be a good idea to protect it from ill-intended or wandering eyes.

And, finally, just remember you are an artist! Your craft will not be the same as any other art witch's craft, and that's okay! Your hands create masterpieces, and your heart is filled with magic. However you decide to create or practice magic, you're doing wonderfully.

Feel free to add on to this post if you think of anything i may have missed! Maybe give it a reblog if you think it could help an art witch out!

Happy crafting my loves 💕🎨