#I go back into my drawing/writing cave until I am beckoned once more lol

[thanatasia]

I live! Just very busy with a lot of things.

In between a commission, I pieced together this reels for IG. These things usually look neater due to video editing apps buuuut I don't have one of those yet (and don't know how to use them 🥲) hence the shaky video and sound.

There were a few ocs that I heard the voices and knew just who I would put for them. Others I had to choose what sounded close in my head.

I love how no one really likes Tore and he ended up getting the longest part lol

All of these are sketches from many months- about a year ago. If some look nicer than others that's most likely why.

Cha'l gets the lost one because he CANNOT sing to save his life. Only his wife, Shiyoon, can listen to him without covering her ears. It's also funny that the only gelf who can't sing, he also gets a long part.

In the future I want to redo this with better drawings and probably different ocs.

I know myself and I will write a paragraph explaining why I chose who for each part, but I'll save everyone the lecture 😅

[averagedoctor]

Wading

You guys are getting the story whether you like it or not so there. It’s nothing like what I normally write, so strap in. Feel free to comment with your thoughts!! It’s below the cut to minimize clutter on my blog lol

Word count: 1,484

The water waits. It laps at my feet but I know it’s not time. It’s too soon. I leave its murky edge, my only trace being wet footprints in the gritty sand.

Home is nothing but a way point, somewhere to seek refuge in the night. It’s cold and empty. A feeling I know well. I run my hand over the blank walls absentmindedly. It holds stories I will never know, but that’s just fine. Everything has its secrets. I certainly have mine. My fingers dip and rise as they pass over bedroom doors that creak and moan. I drum as I go, a smile stretching its way across my face. Funny. It slips off as I crash into my own hole of a room. A ratty mattress lays on the ground. Uncomfortable, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters but time.

The sun rises quietly until it burns my eyes. I’ve been lying listless for hours. Sleep is nothing but a way to escape but I still try. My one weakness. Blinded now, I stand up, bare feet scraping on the floor. Sand is still stuck in my toes. I exit to the kitchen and grab a mixture of food for the dogs. It’s a chore but food is necessary to live, necessary to hit my mark. I throw chunks to each of the dogs. Three rooms total, one per room. They whine and beg for more, but I don’t cave into their weak manners. I leave. The day is breaking and there’s work to be done.

The work day is long and arduous. Relief fills my bones when the mundane is over and I can go back. Home sits on a dirt path, far away from others. It’s quiet out here. The only peace I allow myself. Its exterior is nothing too good looking, but that’s not important. I just need something over top of me.

When I enter, the dogs are whining and scratching. They want water and food. I scoff. Such needy beings. No matter, things will be fine soon. I just have to wait until it’s time.

I chuck more scraps of meat their way, tossing in some water to drink, not caring if they can get it all or not. Dogs are hard creatures to hold. Some days I regret my decision to take them on, but I remember my childhood and all I was taught. I can’t let the lessons go to waste.

The night begins to draw on, the sun sighing as it’s finally allowed to set. I wish I could set, but not yet. Not now. Time. It’s all about time. It isn’t time.

The cycle begins again. Unable to sleep. Dogs making a racket all night. They never shut up it seems. The sun drags its way up the sky. I leave my bed. Feed the dogs. Head to work. Head home. Feed the dogs. Try to sleep. Fail to sleep. In between, of course, I do eat a meager meal. I shower here and there. I drink water from time to time. I’m just like any other animal, I have needs that must be met to keep on living. However, those are just the small things to me. My plans are the center part of my mind, pushing everything else away. It’s all that matters. This will be my last journey, but I’m content with that. I know my legacy will surmise somehow, in some way. I’ll carry on my father’s duties this last time. Then I can rest. I dream of the day I can finally sink to the depths and no longer worry. It’s almost time.

It’s been a week. I wade deeper into the water this time. It beckons me, calling me ever so gently, and I hush it. I whisper soon, soon. It’s the day before the full moon. Time is ticking down. I will finally be able to breathe.

I walk home to the dogs. The night is pitch black and my feet make a squelching sound on the grass. My pants drip with water and have shriveled. Comfort is merely an illusion, I remind myself as I pick at my pants, pulling them down my ankles. I enter my house.

Something is different. I can’t place it, but something has changed. The dogs are very quiet tonight. A first for them. I smell fear in the air. Edging closer to the rooms, I hear scampering inside. Odd. Then, I find the source of the behavior. White hot rage flashes through my body and I am overcome with anger. The strongest emotion I possess. The most violent. The most righteous. One of the dogs has escaped. It is almost time, just one more day. It managed to get out. There is no more time.

I drag the two remaining dogs out of their room and attach their leads. Roughly, I pull them outside. They cower and whimper. They know what has happened is wrong. They know what they have done. There is no choice now. The time to act has been forced upon me. Even though angry and frustrated, I feel happiness bubble in my chest at the thought of this being the end of my troubles. How strange. I haven’t felt that in a very long time.

The water is screaming at me now, waves tearing at the surface with ferocity. The dogs are scared of it, but I am no wimp. I force them towards the water. Sound is building behind me but I pay no mind. I focus on the task at hand. I walk us out to waist height. The water is cold and unforgiving as I go even further. Chest height now. The dogs struggle behind me, trying to reach shore. I don’t let them go. I yank their leads hard and get them in front of me. They struggle to stay above the crashing waves and eventually, one by one, they give up. They sink under the water’s surface. I pat it gently, knowing everything will be okay. It is my turn now. My time has come, albeit early, but the water understands. It knows. I hold my breath and dive under.

The water is freezing, much more harsh and cold than I thought possible when under it. In a way, it feels comforting, as the burning begins to take over and fool my body that it is warming up. It prickles as my lungs burn, wanting air. I don’t allow them the satisfaction, instead letting my air go, watching as it bubbles up towards the surface. The surface that I can barely see. The water isn’t clear and the salt stings my eyes. The waves and white foam crash above me and I can finally feel it. Peace. I close my eyes and drift away. I am content.

White. White. Red. Blue. Purple. Blaring. Loud. So loud. What is this? I splutter suddenly as water rushes out of my lungs. I collapse on the sand once more. The sand? Me? No, no the plan. My plan. The timing can’t be disturbed. The world refocuses as I heave oxygen into my body. Figures stand above me, cloaked in black. Pain shoots through my body is ways I have never felt. How can someone have the audacity to lift me from my heaven? Don’t they have any idea of what they disturbed?

Slowly, the scene around me becomes recognizable. The colors are sirens coming from police cars. My beautiful dogs sit in the back of ambulances, wrapped in blankets, shaking, scared. The one that escaped sits between the two. Above my position on the ground stand more cops. A young officer tugs me up from the ground and I feel cool metal slap my wrists together as it twists and clanks together. No. No this can’t be happening. It was time. Everything was going so good. The young officer grasps my cuffs as another holds the upper part of my arms next to him as I get shouldered towards the back of a cop car. I refuse to believe this is reality and lunge away from them, tearing towards my dogs. I find myself screaming so hard that my throat feels like it’s ripping. Policemen surround my body but I jerk away, suddenly full of power. I must make it to my dogs. The paramedics catch on too late as I hurdle over. I have no hands, but that I doesn’t mean I can’t kick or bite or shove my body at them. They scream and I laugh. Laughter. How uncharacteristic. I reach them and throw a few kicks in but I feel the crowd behind me thicken. The only way. A new plan. Time has found me again.

I race towards the blockade of men and women in uniform and thrust myself at them. They open fire. I gain my peace once more.