#I have GYATT to get better at this stuff

[six-tooth]

first attempt at properly "rendering" something

[nmakii]

‘Can I ask you to do something about Alastor×reader? About y/n being a modern girl (2023-2024), and she often has strange gestures or words towards Alastor. One time she talked to him in modern language, making him confused and very curious. (You can expand the situation as you like, sorry my English is not very good)’

NEW IS ALWAYS BETTER!

— alastor x modern!reader (platonic or romantic!)

— alastor calls reader “good girl” so mostly fem!coded

— I WROTE THIS AND THEN IT GOT DELETED I MIGHT KMS.

alastor gets slangs that are common such as LOL, WTF, IDK but doesn’t get some that aren’t as common like LMFAO, IDRC, or WTAF since they’re just making them longer, so it’s quite useless…

he also doesn’t quite get shortcuts for words. one time you left him a note “lol brb rq imma b back in like 20 min. j gon pick smt up” most of it was honestly gibberish to him, but at the very least, he understood you’ll be back in 20 minutes.

gets really angry when you say things like “stop reaching, gooner. you’re just pissed that you’re a beta.” because; one, you’re blatantly disrespecting the radio demon and telling him to shut up. and two, he doesn’t get what any of that meant. what’s a gooner?

also gets annoyed often when you start singing songs like “i’m the alpha, i’m the leader” or “sticking out your gyatt for the rizzler” because, it’s a reflection on modern society and how music quality in modern times have plummeted significantly.

what happened to those beautiful songs such as “the man i love”? has it been replaced by this rizzler nonsense??? honestly, you’re giving alastor more and more reasons to dislike modernity… you’re lucky he finds your company enjoyable

in a desperate attempt to connect with you, he asked angel about your humor, hoping he’d understand. alastor knows that if anything, velvette would know. but, he’d rather get beaten by lucifer than ask the vees for help…

sadly for him, angel is just as confused. although, he at least knew what this alpha bullshit was, vaguely explaining furries and the alpha-beta-omegaverse to him…

you were in the hotel den, scrolling on social media as alastor walked in. “s/o, be a dear and fetch me some chicken breasts from the butcher, would you? i’d like to prepare something for tonight’s dinner.” alastor smiled

“hmm… nah. go do it yourself, furry” you giggled brattishly. “hahah… what did you call me?” alastor asked sternly, his face now close with yours, antlers increasing only slightly in size. “ah…” you stuttered.

alastor was never this mad when you said stuff like that, what was so different today? maybe he was in a bad mood? “ah… ill get it…” you conceded, using your hands to lightly push alastor away, lest he decides you’ll be for dinner…………

alastor snickered before patting you on the head. “good girl. don’t call me that again, this old dog can still learn new tricks, y’know?” he teasingly sang out. “huh?” you asked. “did you learn what a furry is?” you bit your lip, holding back your laughter.

“indeed, i did. horrifying that you’d think i would indulge in such hobbies…” he sighed, looking a little uncomfortable through his stressed smile. “what..? i don’t think you’re a furry, alastor. it’s not that deep. furry is just something that i used to laugh about with my friends back on earth.” you shallowly laughed, copying his actions by rubbing his hair.

he has to admit, that little mistranslation was a little funny looking back on it. but, he is a little disheartened that he got you scared over nothing. you were just having your fun and he got all pissed off. he’d definitely try to instead ask you about your slang as to prevent such a thing again…

[drieddpetals]

random, out of context things me and my friends have said as six of crows quotes!!

pt. 3 :D

inej: "if there's one thing this life has taught me, it's to never take your toenails for granted."

jesper: *jokingly* "are you seriously accusing me of not being the skibidi toilet alpha sigma rizzler?!?!"

wylan: "omfg shut up"

wylan: *said really cheerfully* "and my mom would be there but she's not in the picture anymore!!!"

inej: 🫢

jesper: 🫢

wylan: "oh... sorry."

jesper: "people ask me all the time stuff like 'why're you so tall' and 'how do you get so tall' and i really don't know how to respond."

wylan: *mixes up the words DNA and chromosomes* "just say it's your chromosomes... wait i don't think chromosomes effect height."

kaz: *having a side conversation with inej* "...put them in the microwave."

jesper: "...put your chromosomes in the microwave????"

kaz: "no dumbfuck i told inej to put her fries in the microwave."

wylan: "yeah jesper, put your chromosomes in the microwave then maybe you'll feel better."

kaz: "i mean, i only steal souls after midnight"

nina: "bro get that gyatt out of my way"

matthias: "WHAT???"

kaz: "little known fact: the tenth commandment of the bible is actually, 'red bull gives you wings.' that's actually how jesus rose from the dead. and as he was rising from the tomb, he looked down and said, 'red bull gives you wings.'"

wylan: "I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT!!! I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!!"

[chaifootsteps]

i saw an interview this morning where valentinos voice actor is asked about his characters relationship to the other vees and he briefly explains that vox and val in this weird gay relationship where they make out and do stuff but then straight up says "uhhhh i dont know what valentinos relationship is with velvet lol!"

the bar is in hell for women characters (pun intended) because a velvet USED to have a relationship with vox and val during the instagram days. i like that she was more like a daughter to him and that they bonded over violence! shit like that was what actually made valentino feel like a complex character who can be good and bad. because i literally cannot think of a single relationship hes on good terms with. voxvals whole appeal is that theyre toxic gay bitches! so having just ONE good relationship in his life, even if its just with his weird 30 year old coworker daughter, could actually make him feel like a person with layers like valentino fans desperately insist he is in the show.

since rn velvet just kind of. exists! she barely speaks to the other vees, doesn't seem to enjoy spending time with them unless she can film them dancing and making out, shes mostly frowning in the finale whenever vox opens his mouth, and never directly even speaks to val. why would val not speak to someone he lives (i think) and considers his equal?

like she very much has the ability to become a compelling fun character/villian when shes separated from the other vees. which sucks! because it just makes me wonder "would valentino or vox tangibly lose anything if velvet didnt work with them? and would anything change about their dynamic if she wasnt there?" and i know the answer is "probably not!"

the fact that no ones mentioned her despite s2 having a "heavier focus on the vees" is so fucking telling. she really doesnt feel like the backbone of the vees! she feels like the third wheel vox and val hired and she just stays with them for power despite her not speaking/having a relationship with them at all. its not even like the idea of "30 year old woman stops caring so much about her gay dads she created and slowly begins to resent them, working with them anyway for power" is a terrible idea, but i absolutely know thats not what viv intended. vel is absolutely an afterthought in the writing when shes with the other vees and its apart of what makes me dislike them now more then ever. if s1 couldnt even have velvet speak to the other vees about ANYTHING other then important business stuff (like, idk, fashion, technology, love potions, the few fucking things these characters have in common) then i doubt s2 is gonna be much better.

anyway velvet should leave the vees and get some granny gyatt from carmilla thank u 4 reading <3

Calling it now, season 2's going to contain as little Velvette as Viv can get away with. Because you said it best yourself -- she's not so much a character as a third wheel Vox and Val hired. If they're not around then she's sometimes allowed to shine, but if they are, forget it. It's all about them.

[tragedytells-tales]

Brooo I love your writing so much!! It’s literally so great😭 can you write the brothers (or just Lucifer and Satan if that’s too much) with a teen!mc (platonic obv) that is VERY gen z. Like if they’re able to have their phone while in Devildom then they would constantly be talking about stupid internet drama while using strange terms. They know the stuff they say is weird but that just encourages them to be even more unhinged and chaotic. I just thought it’d be funny :) thanks if you decide to do this!!

"I hear you loud and clear! My apologies for this taking so long, I was only able to come up with something for Lucifer and Satan."

--------------------------------------

Lessons in cringe culture

Notes - Teen!MC, Headcanons, Shitpost, comedy just pure comedy

Characters - Feat. Lucifer and Satan

Summary - MC has a few ideas on how to make these ten million years old demons more modern. Are they good ideas? Who knows and who cares

Warnings - Not proof read

TW - None

Lucifer:

[ New word to vocabulary - Gyatt ]

- So MC teaches him gyatt. And not actually on purpose, but not on accident either. They had the thought of saying it out loud around him just to see if it would be a good enough substitute for "god" that they could say it without almost smiting the Avatar.

- They had the thought about a week ago and completely forgot about, but they couldn't just sit there silently when they got jumpscared by the newest update to celestialdrop Valley

"You can now drink mayonnaise."

- Either way he is scared of teenagers of MCs variety because he was sitting in pure silence, minding his whole business while MC did something on their phone, until suddenly they screamed from the top of their lungs

"GYATT DAMN?! LEVI YOU WON'T BEEEEELIVE THIS!"

- Not only did they startle him out of his old ten million years aged bones, and dared to swear in his presence, but then before running to show Levi whatever it was that sparked this outburst MC turned to him and asked

"Are you all good?"

"...Yes? Why would I not be?"

- They give him the most evil of smiles before leaving. The smile was so evil that it sent shivers down his spine, for a human it was a devilish little smile that he knew meant nothing but trouble.

- The things he'd give for a single one of his technically adopted family to be normal ( <-- He literally handpicked everyone in the house, and he's no better but he's also the oldest so )

- He asks MC about it later and gets a proper explanation, only thing is that now he can't ground them for the improper use of language because the use of "gyatt" was surprisingly clever and smart

- Damnit MC, stop getting the braincell!

- He genuinely starts using it in secret whenever he wants to say "goddamn", he dare not utter it around his brothers lest they start bullying him

- Jokes on him, he gets drunk and slips up in the group chat!

Satan:

[ New phrase to vocabulary - It's my turn with the braincell! ]

- Speaking of. One would think that because he reads so many things and has so much knowledge and is technically the youngest of his brothers that he would know at least a bit of funky phrases

- He does. He knows Devildom phrases specifically. But he's also stupidly smart, smart stupid if you will, so he takes things MC sometimes says a tad to literal

- So imagine his surprise when they say "Hey, it's my turn with the braincell. I need it for algebra, hand it over!!!" While studying with their friends

- If you imagined very, very surprised then you are correct

- Aka: he's worried about the amount of concussions MC must've had for them to lost so many brain cells that they need to borrow and take turns with them from others

- He would've also questioned where and how they’re getting the brain cells they’re borrowing if he weren't so concerned in the first place

- He genuinely asks them what kind of brain cells are they missing to see how he can help

- They tell him "My brother in christ, I'm simply jesting about" and now he thinks MC is a sickly Victorian child with a lack of brain cells who got cursed

- Congratulations MC, you've tricked the smartest person in the house, but at what cost?

- The cost of him texting the group chat that MC has lost brain cells and needs to borrow some, that's what. All because they're too busy laughing to properly explain, and now Levi and Belphi are clowning on everyone else because they ALL fell for it too

- The price of living with beings who are over ten million years old is a steep one

- He steals the phrase and instantly starts telling his brothers to borrow brain cells btw, he's adapting

- He's been stealing phrases from MC for a while now, but this one is his favorite

- ( They taught him "fuck this thing, fuck that thing, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool-" last week, they’re not allowed to be friends anymore )

AN - The idea of teaching Lucifer "gyatt" made my lungs hurt, but then the thought of Asmo learning "down bad", Beel learning "bussin", and Mammon learning "L + Ratio + you fell off + fatherless" also made me lose it. I just wasn't sure how to go about that. ( Also thanks for the compliment!!! I hold it ever so gently,,, )

[justanagenderperson]

Hear me out- Agent 47 and Lucas both falling for the reader who’s a newer agent that’s working with them and Diana ( let’s just say Lucas doesn’t die )- maybe a small friendly rivalry😻

anyway idk just some headcanons or a small oneshot would be fine!! I shall give you creative freedom!! I’m sorry this is late hun feel free to take your time <334

Agent 47 x Myles x Lucas Grey a.k.a. THE BEST SHIP BC I LOVE MY FRIENDS [but second pov is used so can be read as genderfluid!y/n]

[I HAVE TO BE QUICK. LOVE YOU MYLES FIRST AND FOREMOST. SECONDLY HAPPY LATE BDAAAAYYYYY. 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 Okayokayhowabout I write hcs since I'm outta time? ALSO HOLY SHIT THE BEGINNING DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE LMAOLMAO-]

Also ngl lowkey forgor what Lucas looked like- 💀 BUT GYATT DAYUM ur taste in men is IMMACULATE- 🤩🤩🤩🤩

For Diana to even have CONSIDERED chosing you, you must've been the best of the best. Absolutely no stains on your record.

But knowing you my dear Myles, that isn't the case, occasional screw-ups here and there nothing too serious...

...I mean minus that incident where you nearly blew up an entire building and somehow managed to get kidnapped not once- but twice-.

Buutttt this isn't a realistic route. Instead, it's the route where you're hypothetically good at what you do. Taking people out.

Whether it be literally rizzing them up like the rizz god you are, or simply assassinating them. You're extremely good at what you do.

So let's say the mission required a group of people to easily blend in. Any less than 3 and the other partygoers would get suspicious. And suspicion draws in the suspect of the big bad:

Ash Croc. I mean it's understandable really with a name like "Ass-crack" it's no wonder the man turned to a life of crime, though you did briefly wonder- why didn't he just change it????

Moving on, he took up a new hobby. Which happened to be human experimentation. Every week or two Ash Croc would hire locals a hefty amount to befriend other locals of the area and then send them an invitation to his so-called "party".

Whether or not they accepted didn't change the outcome. They either came along willingly or with some light convincing.

For some reason this invitation always finds itself wormed in groups of friends no less than 3. Which is why you- Myles-, my dear friend, were chosen.

The mission is an overall success and you end up catching the eye of not one but two expert hitmen.

Moving on.

I like to imagine they have a sort of sibling rivalry like, "I spent more time with Myles today than you did." Or "I got Myles a better birthday gift than you." Stuff like that.

Smooching contests once you're together. Arguments on who is the better kisser and such.

Diana and you naturally make bets. It's very fun. Who confesses to you first? Lucas. Who has more relationship experience? Still Lucas. Now you owe a shit ton of money to the British handler.

Strike me down if I'm wrong but 47 and Lucas definitely play games to settle on who has you for the day ESPECIALLY if it's a special event like your birthday.

I have a feeling you would be the judge to prevent any cheating or foulplay on either hitmen's side. This doesn't stop them from trying to sneakily gain the upper hand however.

As for birthday gifts they definitely try to up one another with how expensive, good quality, and lavish they are. You mention one time that you like the color green?

Boom. full wardrobe of that.

They're like that one part of the fandom where if a character mentions something once they make it out to be like it's a staple part of their life the character can't live without.

After Lucas nearly fucking dies I feel like 47 would become subconsciously a bit more overprotective of his brother.

And Lucas?

He uses that fact to gain leverage at times, "It's half past noon It's my turn to spend time with Myles." "I could've died out in that forest and never seen any of you ever again." Hesitantly 47 backs off mentally reminding himself to insert himself into the situation more carefully next time.

Honestly I don't think that's what Lucas would say but hey, it's something along those lines, probably with more comedic effect too!

All and all very wholesome up until you accidentally get hurt on a mission and they force you to retire early.

HAPPY LATE BIRTH BEACHHHH-💞💞💞💞💞💞🕺💞💞💃

[welpokelp8]

BOOBS!

Maybe if you weren't racist, homophobic, ableist, sexist, misogynist, rich, such a white fuckboy, transphobic, republican, thin, meaty, teh gay penguins of straight heterocis genocide fodder, and Jesse Pinkman and MrBeast's hidden love child, I would date you and let you nuzzle me. but i didnt insult you. But wait! I'm lesbian! Doesn't that mean I'm a nazi? It does! gimme that sweet rizz my skibidi Chad. My pronouns are na and zi, my dad's name is Mein Fuhrer and my brother's name is Ku Klan. I'm responsible for terrorism. So… can I slide in your DMs and get all your info? No homo… Just to join your operation? Not to steal your info? Or lolcow you? Certainly not a lesbian. Just to prove I'm not, here's a song I wrote using the ISIL and ChatGPT and my peach cream and filling for Scarlett Johannson and the bootiful cabin croow for loony troons:

(spoken voice) Yeah, hello, you're blocked I mean, yeah, you're blocked. I can't do anything about that. You're dangerous. I know, Zola. I liked you. You'll never know this pain man Everything's the same man But I'm the one to blame man For trying to play the game man (thats some roblox shit sir) Instead of joining the gang man I chose to strive for fame man Fighting all the shame man (from emo stuff) And people I see as lame man (TYLOR SWIFT MOVE ASIDE!)

Looking in the door man I'm not worth more man They all hate me more man God I'm such a bore man Crying on 4chan man (no 8chan here, i'm a real chud that only uses 4chan and tumblr) Until I get banned man Become a farmhand man They just see a man man

(Chorus) It'll never get better man And in the end they all forget her man (him cuz i'm not some femoid emo) There's nothing I can do man But to react to what is new man You'll never ask yourself man Is this a joke from hell man You can't remeber well man Why you're drowning in this well man Who put you in this hell? man Remeber being held man The comfort that you felt man (your mommy) But you can't scream for help man

That was not lesbian at all, it was so not gay, it was ultra super mega straight, it's also very male, you can trust me. I'm the most aryan nazi you'll ever meet and I will not put you on Kiwifarms (trust me bro) I'll make the klan skibidi so you're rizzlers can focus on that gyatt, i'll take a thick fanum tax out of your soyjaks geeg, keyed, moot, loool, shit like that, absolute aryan gemmed up, not coal. I can really make a mewing extremist group for all your level 5 sigma chuds. and so we can raid the furries all the furries are kids and i personally gave 7 furries expired lifesavers to biobomb them, but then i realised i still had the good ones and ate sugars. then the trans people got on myspace and i just lost it man. i dont have a trans wife! anyways I bought a cake but it had a swastika on it, so I went in and told off the german dude, turns out he was american. there are black american people? i thought all the black people were from germany and france? so then i ate the swastika cake and got all based and redpilled and then cuddled with my wife while screaming "ALLAHU AKBAR" because i like bombing her tummy… why did they arrest me? they could be imprisoning trans people for forcing good white men to use their pronouns! its extremism!

#lgbtqia #copypasta #shitpost