#I have a lot of strong emotions about these two

[writteninlunarlight-years]

Could I ask for an Alastor getting Hanahaki over Reader and everyone has to chip in to help him out? He's afraid of losing them as they're the only one who's never been afraid of Alastor (sure the Radio Demon part is creepy asf but Reader looks past it to befriend him) and would rather die alone then lose their presence.

The others figure out what Hanahaki is after finding him coughing up flowers one day and they each pitch in to help him through it; even Lucifer helps. And Charlie threatens Al with telling Rosie and Mimzy (you decide if they need to get involved)

Just everyone helping Alastor not second-die, him being confused as to why they're helping him and learning he has more friends then he realizes (and is nicer to them as it goes on) and also Reader being incredibly fucking confused as to what's been going on.

Sorry if it's a lot! And thank you in advance if you decide to write it ^-^

~~~ ALASTOR X READER ~~~

Hanahaki! Alastor x F!Reader

'A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and a man cannot live without love." - Max Muller

Trigger Warning: mentions abuse, vomiting, near-death experiences, cringe obliviousness

Alastor knew he was feared among mortals and sinners. He was the equivalent of a boogie man, so to speak. He had no time for trivial things like love, relationships, or weakness. He had to be strong, always ahead of the game, and ready to take anyone who dared to oppose him. Well, that was till you came along. You were an enigma; he had heard about you when you appeared in the realm of sinners; however, you were fierce in the human world. Every man that wrongly touched a woman or attacked a woman was soon dealt with by your hand. You tortured them, strung them up, and ended their lives slowly. Alastor was impressed, to say the least.

However, when you turned up on the Hotel's doorstep six months ago, you were anything but scary. You looked innocent, almost too innocent. Alastor tried so hard to hate you to think nothing but the worst in you, but you had a grip on him. It's not every day that someone is entirely unphased by him. The day you two met was like nothing before; everyone in hell knew of him and his reputation. You even did, too; you had to have known of this since Rosie was the one who suggested you find refuge in the Hotel. Yet you looked up at him when he loomed over you and just smiled.

The Radio Demon was known for the catchphrase 'never truly dressed without a smile,' but somehow yours was just as off-putting as his, like you learned something no one else ever would. He enjoyed that about you. That you were so full of kindness and energy but also something so dark and twisted. Before Alastor knew it, he took you in as an apprentice. The end goal is to teach you his ways and your soul; well, that would be his. That was always the plan to create a powerful accomplice to assist in his dirty deeds, yet something changed over time.

Alastor didn't remember when he started protecting, defending, or even fighting for you. It all happened out of nowhere. He hated all of it, but he couldn't stop himself. Slowly, as time passed, he sought guidance for these newfound emotions, leading us to now.

Alastor made his way to the bookshop in town, the best place to get anything involving the damned and dead. These newfound feelings could be an ailment of sorts, perhaps. As he perused the books, he bumped into you, of all people. Shocked, he spoke, "Hello, doll, good to see you here. Are you catching up on some light reading?"

As he said this, he looked down at the book in your hand and noticed the book was covered in an arrangement of flowers. It's odd for being a book in hell for it to look so innocent and cheap. As he was questioning the existence of this book, you spoke up. "Alastor, what a pleasure it is to see you here! I was researching sicknesses and curses from the mortal realm when I stumbled upon this book. It's pretty, no?"

Alastor looked at you and the sweet look in your eyes and couldn't help but nod in agreement with you. God, if he truly existed, needed to help get him whatever cure was necessary for these stupid thoughts. Alastor took the book from your hands, observing the details, and flipped through the pages gently. He looked back over to you when he spoke. "Dear, why don't I buy this for you? If I remember correctly, you have a date with Ms. Rosie soon. I would hate for you to miss your confidential meet-up."

You nodded gently, smiling that same eerie smile as always, making your way out the door, not before leaving a generous tip for the demon at the counter. You were always kind and gentle to those who had done no wrong to you or your loved ones. Yet when someone wronged anyone close to you, they would coincidentally go missing. You were like a gorgeous rose with those incredibly thin secret thorns. Alastor went to the front soon after you and placed the books you two had found on the front counter. As the shopkeeper looked up to see the grinning radio host, he just ducked back down, minding his business. Alastor smiled, dropping some coins in the jar before returning to the hotel.

Once inside, Alastor made his way to his tower, ready to read the books that may cure these insufferable feelings he has been having towards you. The first book on the document, "Freudian Emotions," As Alastor read through the book, he couldn't help but be mildly disgusted and enamored with the literature. Who just openly admits they were in love with their mother? Who was the man who wrote this book? Deeming the book unsatisfactory, Alastor moved on to the next, "How to know understand your darker feelings". This book pertains to many of Alastor's emotions when he was in the mood to kill or harm. Only the chapter 'Lust' has mild insinuations of the random emotions he was suddenly feeling. Another dud he surely would need to pay that shop keeps another visit to request better literature.

As Alastor thought everything was lost, he noticed your book again. Taking a closer look at it, one would call it eloquent. The sage green cover was adorned with thousands of different flowers. The title reading, "Ancient Alments of the Flowers and Gods," piqued his interest greatly. As he skimmed through the pages, he saw countless excerpts about those who scorned the gods and curses placed upon them. One specific page really caught his attention, it was about an ailment called 'Hanahaki'. Someone with feelings of unrequited love would profusely vomit flowers till their feelings were requited. The other option was an intense surgical procedure that would leave the person affected loveless. Underneath a picture of a young girl with flowers around her and coming out of her mouth was a message. It was hard to make out; Alastor moved the book closer to his face.

Squinting closer at the message, Alastor mumbled, 'A Flower Can Not Blossom Without Sunshine, Just As One Can Not Live Life Without Love.' As those words left his mouth, his fate was sealed. A sudden urge to get sick overtook Alastor as he dropped the book on the ground and ran to the bathroom down the hall. There, he passed a confused Angel Dust, putting on more makeup in the mirror. Alastor made it to the toilet where he proceeded to get violently ill.....with......flowers. Flowers? Why flowers? As Alastor tried to process the turn of events, Angel Dust popped his head in. "Uh, radio man, you good? I don't think I have ever seen you get sic- Oh god, why are there flowers everywhere?"

Before Alastor could pop his head up enough to respond, he threw up more flowers. Standing up woozy, he washed his face in the sink before turning to the spider demon. "I don't know what's wrong. I read this book Y/N bought, and now I am seemingly throwing up flowers."

Angel nodded, lending a hand to the demon and helping him straighten himself out. The two started to head out of the bathroom when the woman herself appeared out of nowhere. "Hi, guys! Oh, Alastor, are you okay?" Concern was evident in her voice, and it was adorable when she worried about him.

Before Alastor knew it, though, he was pushing Angel towards the girl and returning to throw up some more. With some gentle words from Angel and a lot of persistence, finally Y/N left. Once she was far enough away, Alastor was freed from the clutches of flowers once again. Sighing, he turned to the spider demon, "Angel, good fellow, I need to find where I dropped that book."

Angel joined Alastor in the hunt for the book and kept Y/N away. Luckily, they made it back to the radio tower unscathed. Once the book was found, Angel and Alastor began digging into it. Nothing came of it except a simple smirk from Angel. "Alastor, do you have feelings for little Miss Y/N?"

Alastor looked at the demon, puzzled. What a stupid question to ask while he was here, vomiting flowers. Yes, he had some odd feelings he didn't understand right now, but nothing like what that stupid book described. Angel sighed, shaking his head, and went for the door. Alastor was in a panic, "Where are you going? Are you not going to help me?"

Angel turned to Alastor, "I'm going to get more help because you obviously don't realize what everyone has been seeing since the day that girl arrived."

Alastor looked at Angel quizzically as he left. Sitting on the floor of the tower, he thought about everything. He understood the explanation of the curse in that stupid book was about someone loving another who didn't return the feelings, but he had never experienced love before. Well, he had for his momma, but not another. Would he describe these odd feelings he had for you as love? While lost in thought, Angel appeared with Husk, Charlie, and Vaggie hot on his tail.

As Alastor was snapped out of his thoughts, a concerned Charlie appeared before him. "Alastor! Angel told us everything. Are you alright? Where is Y/N? Should she be here too?"

As the young girl's name left the princess's lips, the sick feeling happened again. He turned to his side and started to vomit more flowers. Everyone was in shock. When he was done, he turned and looked up at the others. Angel picked up the cursed book and handed it to the others for them to read. It clicked for everyone as soon as they got to the message at the bottom. Alastor was in love but didn't realize it.

Alastor sat weak and groggy, observing from the sideline as everyone huddled together. Rolling his eyes, he went to stand and go about his day when he was ushered into his seat by the group. Now, sitting in his hosting chair, everyone lined up before him. Charlie stepped forward, "Alastor, you are in love with Y/N!"

Again, as the name left Charlie's lips, Alastor doubled over, vomiting profusely. Flowers littered the room; all anyone really could think was that at least it smelt good. Angel placed his hand on the Radio Demon's shoulder and turned to Charlie, "Toots, I think we should avoid saying her name for now until at least we come up with a plan."

Alastor shook his head and looked up. "Where is she? I don't know what will happen if I see her again right now. Just her name is causing this. I would hate for it to be worse."

Everyone nodded. Husk said, "After Angel told me what was happening, I convinced her Rosie needed her." A sigh of relief was heard from everyone in the room. Alastor looked to the crew in front of him and spoke again, "I don't even know what love is, so why has that damned book cursed me?"

The group looked at each other and nodded, lining back up. Angel stepped forward first: "Exhibit A, When she who shall not be named appeared at the hotel, she was unafraid of you. You came to me later that evening and asked if your name was still prevalent in the demon community. When I confirmed it was, you stared at her for hours and kept mumbling, 'Fascinating, truly fascinating.'

Alastor blanched at the omission, not ready for the retelling of the last six months of his life. He couldn't deny, though, that having someone not immediately afraid of him was refreshing. Over the six months he had known you, he repeatedly tried to make you scared. Nothing happened, though. You always just smiled and went about your day with him.

Next up was Vaggie, "When we were all practicing for the war with the angels, and she was fighting with one of the cannibals, you asked me how her form was so perfect. You were enamored with her when I explained that she had to have been a fighter in one of her lifetimes. I don't think you stopped staring at her while she was practicing that whole day."

Alastor turned his head away from his friends, feeling a bit warm. He couldn't deny your fighting form was gorgeous. You were fierce on the field that day. Constantly slaying enemies, though you were beautiful in red, the Gold that adorned your face after you slew the angels was something else. Not to mention, you were the one who found him in the wreckage of the radio tower that day. You helped him and tended to his wounds before returning to the others during the rebuild phase. He vividly remembers how you were right there, so close yet so far.

Husk stepped up to the plate: "The night that she drank herself silly at the bar after losing Pentious, you sat with her the whole night while she talked. You never do that, and I would know. You even carried her to her room when she passed out."

It was confirmed that he watched you drink your heart out once the hotel was rebuilt. Crying profusely over the snake man. A part of him felt anger that you felt so strongly towards another, but it also hurt him to see someone he 'cared' for hurting. When you finally passed out, he realized how soft your features were. You were so calm and delicate but also so fierce and aggressive. He picked you up so delicately and carried you to your room across the hotel. When he laid you down, you gripped him and mumbled, 'Be safe, Alastor, please.' Hearing that, his heart was alight.

Finally, Charlie took center stage, " On top of all these instances, you've not once asked for her soul, nor have you made a deal with her, nor have you made any insulting comments."

Alastor stalled....was that true? He knew deep down it was. He continually lied to himself; he was only interested in you because he wanted your soul. Did he really want to force you into servitude, though? Everything came crashing down on Alastor so quickly. There was no way was he....was he...in love. As the pieces clicked for the Radio Demon he hunched over in the chair spilling his guts full of flowers out, this time they weren't just any flowers, they were Roses. He always compared you to roses, your beautiful soft exterior covered with those hidden thorns.

As the coughing of flowers ended, he looked at his friends. They all were smiling, waiting for him to admit it himself. Alastor didn't know what scared him the most: that he loved you or that all these people cared enough about him to remember such antics. Did these people actually have so little time in their dreary lives? "Thank you all for the trip down memory lane, though I understand I apparently love......her......how does this help my situation?"

The group looked astonished at the thanks but contemplated the weight of his words. It's great he understood, but how did you feel? You were an enigma to everyone, eager to help and lend a hand but keeping your heart close to your chest. Charlie, in all her wisdom, spoke, "Go to Rosies and profess your love right now! No woman can resist a sweet confession!"

Angel laughed, "Sorry, toots, but I would deny a man who went to tell me he loved me and then vomited on me."

Husk said, "At least the vomit is flowers that could be a plus if not mildly concerning for the girl."

Alastor listened to everyone's points; going to Rosie wouldn't do, and it would just be too much and embarrassing. He had a front to keep all these other demons in the realm, still had to know who was in charge. While everyone was deep in thought, the door to the radio tower opened. Everyone turned to the noise. Alastor, still sitting, couldn't see what was happening. "I heard from a little birdie's phone that we need a magical love confession!" Oh god not Lucifer, may an Exicutioner strike Alastor down now.

"Dad! Yes, Alastor needs an amazing proposal that won't be hindered by his uh issues." Charlie exclaimed.

"Oh, you are talking to the king of romance, baby! Here's the plan!"

~~~~~ Time Jump ~~~~~

A week had passed since Alastor came to terms with his feelings and realized he had more friends than not. However, this elaborate plan for each person in the hotel to try and get Y/N to confess she had feelings too was becoming too much. The symptoms of the Hanahaki were becoming too much. Her voice alone now was making him vomit. So far, each attempted love confession ended with the girl being overly confused and concerned about where Alastor was hiding. They usually were inseparable, but he had avoided her for a week since the bookstore.

This is where Lucifer's plan came to a head; see what he told everyone to do: get her to confess. In reality, he planted the seeds of worry and doubt in the young girl's mind. If she also loved Alastor, she would seek him out and confess herself. Maybe she was just as oblivious as the Radio Demon. The sweet, innocent young demon was starting to bear her fangs and claws, as luck would have it. Lucifer was an avid Kdrama stan. Of course, he knew how this troupe would play out and took the right amount of push from the group.

Alastor was also growing to miss you; the more he agreed with his feelings, the more he was worried about what you were doing if you hated him for disappearing, and if you were going to accept him. As the thoughts plagued his mind, a timid knock was heard on his door. Standing up and straightening himself out, Alastor opened the door. There you stood in all your glory. He could tell you hadn't been sleeping from the bags under your eyes, and you looked a little pale, probably from not caring for yourself from worry. He was so happy to see you, ecstatic that you cared! Well, till he started to vomit flowers again.

Panic ran across your face as you reached out to help Alastor; however, your touch only worsened things. The flowers were changing colors; rushing to sit him down, you noticed the book you had wanted to buy a week ago. Picking it up on the page it was on, you saw the term 'Hanahaki.' Reading through the page after noticing the girl in the picture had the same ailment as Alastor, you grew upset. He was in love with someone....who? You got to the part of the passage that has a message. 'A Flower Can Not Blossom Without Sunshine, Just As One Can Not Live Life Without Love.' As you spoke those words, Alastor grew worried. What if the same aliment that was affecting him now also affected you. Not only would he worry about your health, but he would know you didn't love him.

After a few minutes, nothing happened; Alastor didn't know how to feel. Were you not in love at all? While contemplating all these thoughts, the flowers came up again, so you didn't love him back; he would have to resort to some stupid surgery to be okay again. Coughing out the last flowers, Alastor stood, "I'll be fine, doll. Just leave me be."

"Who is she...or he...whoever?" He could hear the sadness in your voice. Why were you asking him who caused his ailment?

"Never mind....we should get you help.... or get you to confess something so you can live normally again." You were doing everything in your power to hold back the tears. Alastor reached out and moved some fallen hair behind your ear.

"Who do you want me to be in love with?" Alastor spoke timidly for the first time in his lifetimes since he was a child. He was afraid of your rejection, the illness, something, anything. You did so many strange things to him. As you looked up into his eyes and he saw the hints of tears forming, for once, he didn't feel like vomiting. Slowly inching forward, he placed a soft kiss on your lips. Gently, like at any moment, everything could be ruined.

When you kissed back, Alastor felt light. Once you two pulled away for air, he was prepared for more flowers. Your voice alone made him throw them up; he was worried about touching you. Nothing came. He looked down at you once more and smiled his signature grin. "Doll, I dare say, do you love me back? No wonder you didn't get cursed with the ailment when you read the passage."

You smiled softly at him, wrapping him in a hug. Things were back to normal again, and now, with you two together, hell had a whole new list of worries to deal with. Who knew the Radio Demon would only grow stronger once he found the love of his lifetime?

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - We Are Surprised

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 2 of 12 - Oh it’s fucking great. It could all go horribly south, of course. But it’s awesome at the moment. Messy gay and one of them is already pining? Got to love it. Including the negotiation.

I’d love a good sex negotiation, it’s almost as good as linguistic negotiation. This show makes me happy. All that said, it’s moving awfully quickly for a 12 episode run. Not sure what’s gonna happen on the backend. 

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 eps - I’m still enjoying it but I’m ready for him to die again now. 

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 5-6 of 16 - Toey is going after the Namgoong Award for Best Wingman this year, I see. And in exchange, literally all the rest of the friends are going to be his wingmen. It’s adorable. I also like that Phuwin got to be the aggressor for the first kiss. I like that this is mostly just boys flirting, and not really any prescribed seme/uke stuff. In general, I think these last two episodes I improved the show in my regard a lot. But then middles are always GMMTV's strong point, it’s whether they can stick the landing that’s an issue.

Two Worlds (Thurs iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 - Apparently we have the Frodo walking into Mordor episode. Also the sides were cute. In Thailand (like Taiwan) all gangsters are gay, apparently. 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 5 of 12 - It’s cute but very cringe and dorky. Silly singing. Terrible pickup lines. Still, that was a ridiculously charming confession.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues YouTube & Viki) ep 12fin - Oh so good. Very few shows that feature one-sided long-term pining of this kind can resolve the unevenness of that power dynamic into a more stable and equal footing with such class. We really got to see the object of the desire turn completely around and become equally besotted. An age gap, stepbrothers trope like this one is hard enough but at this length? Very well acted boys! Unknown managed to show the older brother softening in a believable way that’s pretty unusual in narratives of this type.

All in all?

Unknown is a wonderful BL with a pitch perfect portrayal of long term pining, age gap, and the stepbrothers trope. The acting and chemistry are ON POINT (especially from the leads) which made the resulting characters very believable. When it dwells in intimate family drama, it's stunning. It's slightly less successful when it leaves the home and goes gritty. It's few flaws are the result of curtailed length. It could have used more breathing room to deal with side plots, characters, and companion character development. The editing was occasionally choppy and packed with flashbacks that broke the emotional tension. Still, those are mere quibbles. This is an excellent show that I know I'm going to be recommending a lot. 9/10

Finally Taiwan hits another one out of the park.

About.

Damn.

Time.

Blue Boys (Korea Sat YouTube) 4 of ? - Oh it’s so good, and they are so tortured and it’s just charming and I can’t EVEN. I just love it. I love that Korea is giving us this right now. You’re an idiot if you’re not watching this show, it’s truly spectacular.

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Well well well Japan. I see how you kneed. I enjoyed this episode better than the first two, and I am way into our Bad Boy second lead. I can already feel myself succumbing  to the syndrome. Next week = the obligatory onsen ep! 

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - Omg most adorbs failed linguistic negotiation. 

Boys Be Brave AKA Roommates (Korea Thurs Viki) ep 5-6 of 8 - I love the side couple. It’s a shame we’re finally getting some truly great class conflict and it’s relegated to crumbs.

Love is like a Cat (Korea Mon Viki) eps 11-12fin - Well that was a waste of time. There was no connection (of any kind) between the leads. The language thing was hella weird and likely added to that. The past history of the Korean character was necessary to know from the start, its lack throughout, meant there was no depth to his character. They tried to tackle all the interesting stuff in the final 2 eps. AND they even killed the dog. I never thought I'd type this sentance, but Peach of Time is better.

I don’t know. 5/10 I guess

All in all:

A disappointing lackluster and barely cohesive BL about a jerk Thai actor (speaking Thai) who has to work for a Korean animal rescue cafe as a publicity stunt. It's difficult to believe the leads like each other, let alone fall in love. The acting is stiff, the characters lack motivation and cohesion, and there's not much to recommend this show beyond some pretty visuals. Also, they kill the dog. All in all, a disappointing and unsuccessful joint venture that mostly highlighted that between Thailand and Korea the style of BL, narrative approach, language cadence, and acting techniques all clash.

It's airing but...

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

A Balloon's Landing (Taiwan movie) trailer - A frustrated Hong Kong writer, Tian Yu, meets a Taipei street gangster, Xiang (Fandy Fan from HIStory2: Crossing the Line), and the two of them embark on a journey to find the Bay of Vanishing Whales. Along the way, they discover unexpected twists and turns and close bonds, which brings out the message that "there is always someone like you in this world who is waiting for you. This released to cinemas in Taiwan, no word on international release.

Memory in the Letter (Thai WeTV) - it's done, tell me if I should bother?

Fan's Only Corner

Someone asked in a comment (which tumblr promptly ate) about group sleepovers in BLs. It's happened a few times but the only one I can recall being noted and particularly lovely (and VERY college) was in Nitiman. There's also one in Lovesick.

Next Week Looks Like This:

5/16 Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 1 of 6 - Strongberry doing classic uni BL! Weeee!

5/19 OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 1 of 10 - LeeFrank are back - not unlike the undead (as it were). But how do we feel about it? Unsure given their track record.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

May Releases

VBL (Taiwan) is releasing 4 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 shows every Friday this month on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu. Not sure on search terms or how to find these. (Or, frankly, if we need them.)

5/10 – You Are Mine

5/17 – VIP Only

5/24 – Stay By My Side

5/31 – Anti Reset

5/25 The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer - HoTae & DongHee are back but unfortunately not in a cinema near me. Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS.

5/28 My Biker 2 (Thai movie YT?) - trailer

5/31 The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) - May not be BL

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

LOVE a smile kiss. Love it. Two killer kisses from PondPhuwin. Elegantly done, boys. Thank you very much.

I love them a lot all of a sudden. (All We Are)

It's hard to give MaxTul a run on their crown as best bodies in BL, but boy these two are giving it their, erm, best. (Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[phoenixcatch7]

Okay so I saw this post about dark percy (really him reaching his Limit and fighting full strength with everything he had) and I was imagining the potential fallout of that. Pretty bad, as you can guess.

The thing is a lot of percys strongest moments happen out of view of the olympians, especially in hoo. The hurricane atop the glacier in alaska, the poison scene in tartarus, bending the depression river and the one in the palace of nyx.

Stuff like the St Helens eruption got him washed up on an inescapable island literally removed from reality until calypso gave him the OK, the achillies curse he got tricked into losing by hera. Smaller moments, the minotaur, fighting ares, the stolen pirate ship, walking on water vs hyperion, freshwater sources, him knowing both Latin and Greek, they're more easily brushed off or at least mostly due to cunning, sword skills and sheer luck and grit.

But basically the olympians don't actually know the full extent of percys strength and divine power. They have hints - percy standing on the throne, winning against ares, his many victories - but what they aren't willing to brush aside in the heat of (an important) battle there have been pretty strong consequences for.

Heck, just look at Frank, he's no prodigy with weapons, he's polite and respectful, but his distant relation to two olympians letting him inherit shapeshifting earned him direct divine meddling and his life force tied to a hunk of half toasted firewood. Man is a honey bear with lactose intolerance and he was punished with a mythical death curse for being too strong.

If Percy's true strength came out, he would risk losing everything. His freedom, most certainly. If he wasn't straight up executed he might wind up in a Greek myth style imprisonment, the way of atlas, prometheus, calypso, or something like the myriad of ways Greek heroes met their end. Good scenario he survives a dozen curses and gets on with life with a dozen new disabilities, best case scenario he's stripped of every inch of divine power and dropped back to the mortal world, not even clear sighted. Total separation from the Greeks and Romans. Oh, annabeth would marry him either way, and his friends would hardly abandon him despite the gods wishes, but they'd hardly be able to see him, and no long range contact without the ability to IM him or vice versa.

All of that to say Percy is hiding his true strength from the gods themselves - maybe not consciously, and it's not even power he particularly wants - but if they ever find out?

It's game over.

But why is he so strong? I don't know. What I do know is that the half bloods of the books are so much stronger than the ones of myth. Used to be that divine blood would get you divine favour and a great fate whether you liked it or not. Maybe some cunning and bow skills. A spot of spell casting if you were really lucky. Achillies got his curse after he was born, Perseus had a dozen magic artifacts, orpheus had something going on but hercules is to my knowledge an outlier. Now? Everyone in camp has some special power. Flight, fire, necromancy, hypnotism, dream walking etc. However it's happening, half bloods are slowly but surely getting a lot, lot stronger every century that passes. Meta? I mean I guess. But.

What no one has done before is something that their godly parent couldn't.

Except.

Except Percy.

Except Percy, in tartarus, at his mental, emotional and physical limit, controlling poison with his mind, overpowering the goddess of poison in her home, making misery choke on misery. Feeling something in his chest crack. Doing something poseidon could not, and doing it better than the person who could.

Down there, hidden away from the gods, he evolved. For that brief moment, he did something, was something new.

And that was how the gods overthrew the titans.

And that's why they must never find out.

[kaledya]

Hey friend, I want to ask you some things about Constantine, I'm planning on making a FanFic about his way from Kid to Prince (Before he re encounters with Charlie).

1. How was his training? Was he trained by Lucifer? Or by Satan?, or by every single Deadly Sin?

2. Why did he lose his Humanity so much? Are there any specific or lots of events that relate to that?

3. When and which enemies he destroyed? If you don’t have it specified don’t worry, this is because after all nobody who fought him lived to tell it.

4. (This one is optional), Would you like to have something important on it? Something you would enjoy? Be honest, after all Constantine is your character.

First of all, I am very glad to hear that you want to write a fafic about him! And of course I will be happy to answer your questions!

1.

In terms of knowledge, he was usually educated by the leading sages of Hell (he had a different teacher for each subject, so he had a well-rounded education) and Lucifer taught him what he knew as much as he could (how to use his powers, how to be a king), while Lilith taught him how to behave in politics, ) Satan was the one who taught Constantine's perception of power in general, Constantine was a person who thought that power came only from knowledge, Satan taught him that power was only power, showed him that he could not survive with only knowledge and taught him that fear was stronger than love and respect. He also learnt from Leviathan about education and science. He was not very close to the other sins in terms of education. When Constantine went to visit his aunt, it was one of the rare times when he was a child and not a prince, Bee tried to make Constantine happy, not to educate him.

2.

In general, the way he was raised and the training he received did this to him. Lilith and Lucifer had no evil intentions, they wanted their sons to be safe and strong, but they realised a little late that they were destroying the humanity in Constantine with their actions, and when they realised, they were at a point where they could no longer go back, but on the bright side, they did not follow the same thing with Charlie. Plus Constantine was already born with a superior intelligence, which made him less empathetic as he grew up, which came with the responsibilities of being a prince, so he had to grow up early because he had too much on him as a child. And even a normal prince would have to harden himself and control his emotions and act rationalistically in order to rule. Constantine was the prince of hell, surrounded by monsters and nobles waiting to see a weakness in him, and if he wanted to defeat the monsters, he had to become one of them. And Constantine did this, he hardened herself until his weakness or emotions were minimised. The only person that constantine behaves with his sincere personality is his sister Charlie, I can even say that the face that constantine shows to Charlie is so different that Charlie almost does not recognise her brother at the royal meetings. (In the very later parts of the series, they start to develop a relationship with Serenity like Sherlock and Watson. but this is a very slow developing friendship)

and btw I was inspired to write Constantine by these two books maybe it helps to understand him!

3.Sometimes some demons decide to cross the line and Constantine can execute them. There is no one specific one at the moment, only Lucifer or Charlie can defeat Constantine, no one else in Hell is crazy enough to try to fight him. At least not yet.

4.Thank you for asking but no I've got nothing to add at the moment., and Constantine is my character, yes. but this is your fanfic, you can do whatever you want as long as you keep his personality, have fun! And when you're done writing and publish it on ao3 please tag me on tw and I look forward to reading it!

[roomsofangel]

LOVER, PLEASE STAY. . .

chapter five

synopsis you and wooyoung have been best friends for as long as you could remember, always overcoming everything in your friendship even after a few bumps in the road and confessions in the past. you could always trust that no matter wooyoung will always be there, right?

wc 4.4k

chapter warnings none that really come to mind, but there is a drug mention in the end but not an actual scene and this chapter surrounds a death anniversary so there is mentions of such and of grief!

a/n aaandd we’re back! can you believe only two more chapters? i didn’t think i’d receive so much love for such a small little idea that prompted this but i’m very very grateful! i also mentioned in the last update about me trying to get ateez tickets and i got them! totally still processing it all— but with such being said, these last few chapters are definitely going to be long and include a lot so get comfy:3

if you’d like to be added to the taglist please either send an ask in my inbox or leave a comment to be added to the taglist! reblogs and comments are also very appreciated! ♥️

your thoughts were a jumbled up mess as the memory of wooyoung’s emotional outburst the night before came rushing back to you as soon as your eyes had opened. you could barely remember all the details of what he had told you, but the fact that he had been so vulnerable before you was still clear in your mind. you weren't sure how things would be between you now that he had shared the part of him he had tried so hard to keep away from you, but you were hoping if anything did change — it’d be a positive shift. you don’t think you could handle more pressure of wooyoung’s misery if it continued on

because sure, misery loved its company, but it was starting to overstay its welcome

you sat alone for a while, trying to make sense of what had happened. wooyoung’s words still lingered in your mind, and you couldn't help but feel a mixture of guilt and frustration. you knew that you shouldn't have gotten angry with him at first, that you should have been more understanding. but your fear for him was overwhelming, and it was hard to think rationally when your feelings were so strong.

as you continued to think, something occurred to you. you recalled how yeosang had acted in the weeks leading up to the events that you were starting to believe haunted wooyoung more than he let on. yeosang had been distant and secretive, withdrawing and disappearing suddenly without a word. you hadn't really thought about it at the time, for the sake of your own denial and sanity — but now you couldn't help but compare that behavior with wooyoung

“what if he ends up like—“

you remembered san’s words, how he was about to mention the name that the seven of you haven't said in nearly two years, and the guilt and ache that came with it. yeosang’s name was almost taboo now, and the mere mention of him could send chills running through your body. however, you weren’t able to sink yourself further into your own rues due to the sound of a knock dragging you back into reality

"come in," you called out, your voice shaky. you held your breath as the door creaked open, dreading the person who was on the other side. to your relief, it was wooyoung, who looked exhausted and frazzled.

wooyoung laid down on your bed, his body slumping over as if he was completely spent. the exhaustion and desperation were both obvious in his manner, and he looked like he was on the edge of breaking down again. "can i have a hug?" he asked, his voice cracking and his composure breaking. "just one hug..." he begged, his words broken by a deep breath and a choked-back sob. his hands were shaking as he reached them out towards you.

you couldn't help but feel your heart breaking for him. you walked over to him and sat on the edge of the bed, gently taking his hands into yours. you pulled him towards you, into a tight embrace. his grip was tight, and he didn't let go even when you gently tried to pull away.

he looked up at you with tear-filled eyes and a small, pleading gesture, almost like a child asking for something. "could i..." he hesitated, as if he was afraid of being rejected. his voice broke as the words fell out of his mouth. "could i sleep here tonight?” wooyoung’s voice was still shaky and broken as he spoke. he just didn't want to be alone tonight. he didn't want to face the emptiness and silence of his own bed, and he was hoping that by sleeping in yours with you, he would be able to find a bit of comfort and warmth that he knows he’s been depriving himself of

"yeah.. okay," you said softly, unable to bear seeing him like this. you took his hand into yours and squeezed gently. "you can stay here tonight." you paused, realizing just how intimate a moment this was, but you also understood his desperation and could not deny him. he was your weakness, your downfall.

"thank you," he said softly, his hands trembling slightly in yours. he just needed a few hours of reprieve, a chance to rest his exhausted mind in a familiar place.

"i appreciate it more than you know," he said, nuzzling his head into your neck. his breath was hot on your skin, and he was so close to you. you could feel his body trembling lightly, but you could also feel his heartbeat as he rested his head against your flesh, his hands holding you tightly.

"i just..." he was silent for a beat, trying to gather his thoughts. "i just want some comfort... just want to feel close to you again." he was shaking from exhaustion and emotion, the weight of everything finally catching up to him. you held him close, your bodies pressed against one another as he buried his head in your neck.

he clung to you tightly, not letting go. he was shaking in your arms, his breath coming fast and heavy. "i’m so tired... so tired," he whispered to you. "i want to feel safe and secure again..." he leaned his head heavier into your neck, his body completely slack in your hands, as if he could no longer support himself.

"you’re safe..." you said the words again, hoping that he would believe it. you gripped him tighter, your hands massaging his back as you tried to soothe him. it was difficult... you, yourself felt anxious and unsure. you wanted to provide him with the comfort he needed, but you were unsure of yourself, of whether or not you could do it.

"i know..." he mumbled, shifting in his position so that he was lying on his side with his back pressed against you. he was breathing slowly, but his breath was short and shallow, and you could hear his heart pounding rapidly against your skin. "i know i’m safe with you," he continued, his voice slightly shaken.

he broke off again, unable to speak, his breath suddenly hitching and a heavy silence filling the room. "it’s been two years," he whispered, choking back his tears. you knew instantly that he was talking about yeosang. “and yet..." he muttered, his breath quickening as the memories came rushing to his mind once more. his voice broke again, as if he couldn't bear to say the words.

you felt the weight of his fear, his anxiety, and his worry, as he gripped you tighter and pressed himself all the more into you.

he could feel you squeezing him back, comforting him in this moment of weakness. you were holding each other tightly, and for a moment, it was as if the rest of the world didn't exist. there was just the two of you... him and his fear... and you and your embrace.

"and then i think about the anniversary coming up..." he mumbled, barely holding on to his composure. your instinct was right, yeosang’s anniversary was causing this sudden spiral, which was only magnified by his fatigue and exhaustion. you could feel the weight of his words, the weight of his pain, but you also felt the weight of the tragedy and its impact on his psyche.

wooyoung paused for a moment, gathering his composure again. "i tried to hide it," he muttered. "i tried to deal with it on my own... i tried to be strong for everyone else when it happened." he sighed deeply as his breath hitched again. "i didn't want any of you to worry... or to deal with my pain too..."

you moved wooyoung so that he was facing you, your hands still holding him tight. he looked up at you, his eyes filled with pain, with exhaustion. you gently moved a few strands of his hair out of his face, and you could see his skin was damp with sweat.

"i just..." he mumbled, his eyes shifting away from you again.

"…didn't want to be a burden.” he was silent for a moment, his breath still coming in short, rapid gasps. "i couldn't bear to make you guys worry... so i hid it... i hid everything..." he struggled to continue, as a few tear fell from his eyes.

wooyoung’s eyes shifted back to you, his expression one of deep desperation and guilt. you could see the tear trails streaming down his cheeks as he struggled to breathe. "i didn't mean for it to turn out like this..." he breathed out, his voice barely holding on.

“i don’t want to” he said, choking back more sobs. "i don’t want to end up like sangie... i didn’t mean to go down this path..." he was losing his composure, his anxiety and sadness spiraling out of control.

you held him close, your grip tightening around him as you tried to instill as much reassurance as you could. you felt his body trembling and twitching in your grip, and he was holding onto you for dear life. his expression was one of pure fear and sadness, and his tears kept falling down his cheeks.

you continued to hold him tight, your hands massaging his back as you kept speaking to him. "i know... i know..." he was trembling, you could feel the heat of his skin as you moved your palms over him, your touch soft and comforting. "i know you didn't..." you were saying, your voice soft and reassuring.

"i know you're afraid... i know you didn't want any of this to be happening..." your hands continuing to massage his back. wooyoung still clung onto you, as if he didn't trust himself to stand on his own right now.

you continued to talk to him in a soothing voice, your words meant to calm him and bring him back to reality. "it’s not your fault, wooyoung... you’re going to be okay..." you could feel him start to relax a little bit, his body slowly becoming less rigid. his breathing was still coming fast, but it was starting to slow down and become more controlled.

"for as long as i’m here…” you said, your voice even softer now. “you’re going to have someone who loves you and who will never give up on you, wooyoung… never." your words were meant to bring him even more comfort and reassurance, and you could feel the weight of them resonate with him as he held onto you tighter.

you could feel wooyoung continuing to relax even more into your embrace, as if your words were giving him a sense of security and love that he desperately needed. “i’ll always be here for you… i won’t ever leave you to deal with any of this on your own…” you said, continuing to hold him, your hands gently massaging his back with each word you spoke to help soothe him even more.

"i promised that day, didn’t i?" you said softly, "do you remember?" you waited for his response, silently hoping that it would bring back good memories and comfort to him. your fingers gently ran through his hair, and you held him even tighter, hoping that it would help him feel safe and loved.

"yeah," he mumbled, the memories of that day flooding his mind. "we were ten." wooyoung pulled you closer to him, taking comfort in your embrace. "we were young and naive... but we still promised..." his voice trailed off, filled with a mixture of sadness and nostalgia.

"but i’m still here, aren't i?" you said gently, your eyes meeting his. wooyoung nodded, a small smile forming on his lips. his grip on you loosened slightly as a sense of relief washed over him.

"can... can i kiss you?" he was staring at you, his expression one of vulnerability and anticipation. you could see the mixture of hope and desire in his eyes, your face flushed a soft pink, and you nodded slowly, a small but warm smile playing on your lips. wooyoung leaned in gently, closing the distance between you as he pressed his lips against yours.

his lips felt soft and gentle against yours as he pressed them against you. you felt a warm, tingly sensation wash over you, and instinctively, you closed your eyes. wooyoung’s hand moved to the back of your head, gently pulling you closer as he deepened the kiss. your bodies melted into one another, and you felt a sense of warmth and contentment radiating from both of you as he held you tightly. his lips moved against yours, and you could feel the longing and need behind the gesture.

wooyoung’s hand held the back of your neck firmly but gently, and his touch felt warm and comforting. the kiss continued, deeper and more passionate with each passing moment. you could feel your heart rate increasing and your breath speeding up, as your bodies pressed against each other. you could almost feel him pouring all of his love and need into that kiss, as if he was trying to tell you how much he needed you and wanted to feel close to you.

you felt wooyoung’s tongue gently trace over your lips. you parted your lips slightly and allowed him to enter your mouth, the sensation sending a shiver down your spine. his tongue slowly explored every inch of your mouth, and you felt a wave of heat wash over you as he pressed himself even closer to you.

as the kiss broke off, you could hear wooyoung panting softly, his expression one of desire, love, and need. however, he quickly gathered himself and pulled back slightly, his eyes meeting yours again. he took a moment to catch his breath before speaking softly, "i… i don't want our firsts to be like this."

"i… i just..." he stuttered, his voice trailed off as he tried to find the words to express himself. you could see the regret and guilt in his eyes as he looked at you, knowing that he had let his emotions take over again. he let out a soft sigh and looked down, avoiding your gaze for a moment before speaking again. "i’m sorry," he whispered, his voice low and filled with remorse. "i shouldn’t have done that... not like this."

you reached out and touched wooyoung’s chin gently, lifting his face up so that he was looking at you. "hey," you whispered softly, your voice filled with love and reassurance. "it’s okay." you held him in your embrace as you continued, "it’s okay. i understand." he looked at you, his eyes searching yours for any hint of disappointment or disdain, but all he found was warmth and comfort.

you held wooyoung in your arms, rubbing his back soothingly as you spoke softly to him. "let’s just get some rest, okay?" you whispered. "everything is okay." you knew that he needed time to process his thoughts and feelings, and that rest would do him good. "we’ll figure this out tomorrow," you said softly, your voice assuring and gentle. "for now, just rest."

you continued to soothingly rub his back, the warmth of your touch helping to calm his nerves and ease his mind. you could feel his body start to relax again in your embrace, as if he was slowly letting go of the tension and emotion that had been weighing him down. his breathing slowed, and he snuggled in closer to you, seeking comfort and security.

"everything is going to be okay," you whispered again, your words a soothing mantra to both him and yourself.

"me and wooyoung kissed last night," you spoke softly while standing under the streetlight with seonghwa. the words left your lips quietly, and you could see the surprise and disbelief on seonghwa’s face as he listened to you speak. you knew that hongjoong would have a more concerned and negative reaction, but right now, you just needed someone to talk to about what had happened. you waited patiently for hongjoong to park the car, feeling the weight of your confession hanging in the air between you and seonghwa.

seonghwa’s expression shifted to one of concern and compassion. he could sense the hesitation in your own words and could see that you were conflicted about what had happened. "are you okay?" he asked softly, leaning in to hear you better in the dim light.

you took a deep breath and continued, "it just happened, hwa." you glanced down, “we kissed.... i mean... he kissed me, and i kissed him back... i don't know what it means... or what to do next…"

seonghwa listened in silence, he knew that you were going through a lot right now and needed someone to listen to you. he squeezed your shoulder reassuringly, silently showing you that he was there for you. "it’s okay," he said softly. "you don't have to figure it out right now." he knew that you were confused and uncertain about what this kiss meant for your relationship with wooyoung.

seonghwa continued speaking, his voice filled with concern and sincerity. "just make sure you don’t get hurt down the road, okay?" he said softly. "i know hongjoong wants what's best, too." he knew that hongjoong was going to be the rational, realistic one in this situation, but seonghwa also understood the complexity of your feelings for wooyoung and was trying to offer you a balanced perspective.

seonghwa’s words hung in the air, prompting you to consider the implications of your budding relationship with wooyoung and the potential risks involved. you knew that hongjoong’s approach might be more practical and pragmatic, but seonghwa’s point of view was important too. "you’re the only one who can decide what's best for you in this situation," he added softly. "just be cautious and take care of yourself, okay?"

you felt a wave of gratitude towards seonghwa in that moment, knowing that he was trying to help you navigate this situation with clarity and compassion. you turned to face him more, a warm and sincere smile playing on your lips. "thank you, hwa," you said softly. "really. i appreciate your support and advice."

seonghwa’s expression softened, and he looked at you with concern in his eyes. "of course, yn," he said softly. a hint of worry crossed his face as he continued, "but i’m also just worried for wooyoung. has he said anything to you?" the worry in seonghwa voice was evident, and you could sense that he was just as concerned about wooyoung’s well-being as he was about yours.

"before we kissed," you began softly, nodding in acknowledgment, "the anniversary is coming up." as you spoke, your gaze shifted to seonghwa, and you knew that he understood exactly what you meant without further explanation. a hint of sadness crossed your features as you continued, "he opened up to me about it, and i’ve never seen him so vulnerable before." your voice was filled with a mixture of pain and sympathy, and your eyes reflected the weight of wooyoung’s emotions

"out of the decades i’ve spent alongside him, i’ve never seen him like that, hwa," you whispered softly, your voice filled with a deep sense of sadness and pain. your eyes shimmered with tears as you recalled wooyoung’s vulnerability and the raw emotions he had shared with you. you felt a heavy weight in your chest, knowing that the anniversary was approaching and that it would likely bring up memories and feelings that would be difficult for all of you to handle.

you felt a lump forming in your throat as you continued, your words barely above a whisper, "it was like he opened up his heart and let me see his pain and his fear for once in a long time. i could see how much he's still hurting, and it breaks my heart to see him like that... to know that he's carrying all of that pain and trauma all on his own just for the sake of not worrying us." your own pain evident in your voice, reaching out to gently hold seonghwa’s hand for comfort.

seonghwa listened intently, his expression filled with empathy and concern. he squeezed your hand gently, offering silent support. "what did he say?" he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "did he talk about the anniversary and how he's feeling?" your emotions were a tangled mix of empathy, concern, and sadness, and you felt a deep sense of helplessness knowing that there was little you could do to ease wooyoung’s pain.

you swallowed hard, trying to push down the overwhelming emotions that were threatening to consume you. "he spoke about it," you began, your voice catching on the words, "he told me how scared he is, how much pain he's still in." you took a deep breath, taking a moment to compose yourself before continuing, "he doesn't want us to worry, but i can tell that he's struggling."

"and i can’t help but worry," you said quietly, "i’m scared that he might go down the same path that yeosang did." your words hung in the air, the weight of the past haunting your thoughts and fueling your worry for wooyoung.

seonghwa nodded in agreement, his expression mirroring your concern. "i know," he whispered back, his voice soft and filled with understanding. "me too."

after parking the car and walking to where you and seonghwa were standing, waiting for him, hongjoong noticed the tension in the air and the serious expressions on both of your faces. he raised an eyebrow, his gaze shifting from one of you to the other, before speaking up, "what’s going on? everything okay?"

“we were talking about yeosang.” seonghwa whispered

hongjoong’s expression darkened as soon as he heard seonghwa’s words. he knew the topic was a sensitive one and that mentioning yeosang would bring up difficult memories and emotions for all of you who were still healing and in grief in your own ways. "oh..," he said softly, his voice tinged with sadness and resignation. he didn't need any more explanation; he understood the heaviness that had settled over the three of you

“wooyoung told me more last night, i’m scared he’s going to go down that same path.” you expressed quietly

hongjoong’s concern deepened further upon hearing your words. he knew that your worry was well-founded and shared your fear that wooyoung might follow the same path that yeosang had taken. his expression was grave, but he also knew that you couldn't let your worries consume you and cloud your judgment. "we have to keep an eye on him," hongjoong said firmly. "we can't let history repeat itself."

seonghwa voiced his concern, a frown settling on his features. "but what if that makes him pull away more?" he looked at you and hongjoong, his expression filled with worry and uncertainty. you all knew that wooyoung had a tendency to isolate himself when he was experiencing difficult emotions, and you didn't want him to shut either of you out completely. hongjoong and you both nodded in agreement with seonghwa’s point, the weight of their worry growing heavier as you three considered the potential challenges ahead.

hongjoong’s expression tightened as he considered wooyoung’s possible reaction. "you’re right," he finally said, his voice firm yet tinged with sadness. "we need to approach this carefully."

"if we come on too strong, he might feel like we’re encroaching on his privacy and drive him further away." hongjoong’s voice was filled with a mixture of determination and concern. he knew how stubborn and independent wooyoung could be, and you needed to find a balance between providing support and respecting his boundaries.

as you thought about the situation, you recalled wooyoung’s reaction nights ago, when you had stumbled upon the truth and how he was using drugs to cope with everything. you recalled the immediate defensiveness and closed-off behavior he had displayed, and the memory stirred up a mix of hurt and worry within you. you knew that you didn't want to repeat that situation, both for your own emotional well-being and for wooyoung’s sake as well.

“but we also have another thing, joong,” seonghwa sighed making hongjoong’s eyebrow raise in confusion and curiosity, especially when seonghwa’s gaze shifted to you, “they kissed last night.”

hongjoong’s eyebrows fully shot up in surprise at seonghwa’s revelation, and his confusion deepened as he turned his gaze towards you. this added a whole new layer of complexities to the situation, "wait, what?" hongjoong’s voice held a mixture of shock and intrigue as he looked at you for confirmation. "you and wooyoung kissed?"

your cheeks flushed slightly at the question, but you nodded in confirmation. "yeah," you whispered softly, "it happened last night."

hongjoong’s gaze remained focused on you, his mind processing this and its potential significance. he took a deep breath, trying to navigate the situation. "how did it happen?" he asked softly

your gaze shifted downward as you gathered your thoughts, the memory of the moment playing out in your mind. "i... i was comforting him," you began, your voice soft and a hint of embarrassment in your tone. "we were in my room, and i was just reminding him that i’m here for him." you paused, taking a breath before continuing, "then... he asked if he could kiss me."

hongjoong listened intently as you recounted the events of the night before, his expression a mixture of surprise, curiosity, and concern. "he asked to kiss you?" he questioned softly, his eyebrow raised in surprise.

you nodded, your gaze still fixed on the floor. "yes," you whispered softly, your voice barely audible. the memory of that moment was still vivid in your mind, the warmth of wooyoung’s touch and the intensity of his request lingering like a ghost.

your gaze flickered up to hongjoong as he spoke, the concern in his voice evident. hongjoong’s expression held a mixture of worry and sympathy, his eyes filled with a depth of emotion that mirrored his words. "yn," he whispered softly, his voice barely above a breath, "i just don't want you getting hurt."

you swallowed hard, the weight of hongjoong’s words sinking deep within you. "i know," you managed to whisper, your voice barely audible above the thoughts swirling inside you. the raw vulnerability of the moment washed over you, and you couldn't help but feel a mix of warmth and fear at the depth of your connection. you knew that hongjoong was right to worry about you, and you couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that things could go wrong, that you could end up getting hurt due to letting your love cloud your judgement.

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taglist @special4u @vampzity @jwone @dulceeed @fantasy2wonderland @fixedonlove @kyeomooniee

[aro-aizawa]

look i KNOW cringe culture is dead but ngl it’s slightly embarrassing how emotional watching my little pony makes me.

[sanstropfremir]

Same Kai anon but this about sth else since you mentioned Kai's ballet background.

How do you think ballet influences someone in the way they present themselves and as a performer, and how does it influence someone when they decide to pick up other forms of dancing? Ballet is very strict when it comes to the shapes your body makes and how you present yourself. At the same time you have to "put emotions" (?) into the performance to present a story to the audience.

(This is just me personally, but I've always struggled with the second part. I was good at the exercises during lessons and quick to learn new routines. But according to my teacher I didn't have enough "feelings" in my movement, which tbh she was right about. I enjoyed dancing (most of the time) but the immersion into the performance was never really there)

I honestly think ballet is a good background to have when going into other dance styles. People might think bc it has a very strict imagine that you get "stuck" and struggle to dance more "freely" but honestly? Dancing ballet has made me more aware of my body, how it can move and what it can do with enough practice. Since a big part of ballet consists of holding posisiton (especially when you're not a main dancers, i cant even count the amount of times I was standing on stage without moving) it probably taught me patience as well xD

Maybe it's the fact that I did ballet for such a long time and my personal affection for it, but I always get quite happy when I see kpop idols that did ballet (especially those that did it for several years). I'm not sure if it's my personal bias, but I've always enjoyed watching Twice's Mina perform.

this is a great question but i have to preface my response with i have never actually danced ballet. i also have to do a second preface because a lot of my understanding of the effects of ballet on a person comes from a very close relationship with a classical ballet dancer who danced principle at regional companies in canada and the us in the 90s and 00s and although i think probably is a good person somewhere deep down, is still extremely warped by his circumstances. to put it very mildly.

to start off, i agree with your reasoning completely. i don't really feel like i need to add anything, you've covered all the major points. as someone who has practiced things with strict structured disciplines before, it's way easier to branch out into other things because you have that very strong base built into your body memory (and your actual memory). the amount of just sheer rehearsal that goes into ballet training, especially classical ballet means that you have no option but to learn precisely how your body functions and what your limitations are. even something as foundational a skill as learning pointe is already breaking the boundaries of what a human body is supposed to do. it's hard af and when you start learning something that's hard, most other things will seem easy after the fact.

now to tackle your question of how do i think it influences how someone presents themselves................hm. physically it affects how you hold your body, the dancer that i knew was extremely posed at all times; he always stood in fourth position, he was very aware of his hand placement - which translates to 'every time he gestured or held something it looked inhumanely graceful', and his posture was impeccable. i very rarely saw him slouch, even in private, which leads me to my second point: i think it can bifurcate people's personalities into a public vs private. is this separation of public facing persona good for performers? yes. as long as they learn to take it off. there's an inherent level of manipulation that comes with interacting with people in a field like performing arts and for the most part it's necessary. but there comes a point where it can go too far and sink too deep and although it may open a lot of doors for you professionally it damages your ability to make genuine connections with the people close to you. my experience is definitely an extreme case and in no way do i actually think that the nonsense that i had to deal with and also was complicit in is normal behaviour for ballet dancers, but i do think that the seed of it is there. art is an industry of carefully orchestrated facades and you have to learn how to navigate them to survive. but you also have to learn when to let the facades drop.

as far as how i think it influences someone if they decide to pick up other forms of dance? well uh. they're probably not gonna stray far in the first place. mind you this where my disclaimer comes in because classical ballet has a deeply purist conservative (as in resistent to change) culture surrounding it and it's been my observed experience that if you make it as a professional classical dancer you are barely even looking at any other types of dance, let alone actually practicing them. now i don't agree with any of this and i think that synthesis and a wide net of research and study are what makes art more interesting and innovative, not an internally compacting tradition of repetition. but classical circles are steeped in elistism still. the people who danced ballet and that go on to practice other styles are going to be bringing a very useful toolkit with them and i think they're much better off for it.

[goldencorecrunches]

It was like fire, to see Xichen in green.

Not like-- that. Not like the fires that had destroyed his home, his once-untouchable pristine aerie; not like the darkened, ghoulish crackle that rushed forth from Qishan, and turned good planting ground to ash, good homesteads, good people. No, Qinghe was cold, the deep cold that lingered through the summer, that chapped hands and kept the air in the mornings tasting like frost. Cold to the bone. Fire had a different meaning, here. It meant safety; it meant hearth. It meant food and home. To see Xichen with green folds across his shoulders pleased some bellydeep part of Mingjue, the part that did not rest until he saw all his warriors bedded down for the snowy night (except the sentries; even before the recent war, there had always been sentries, in Qinghe). Mine, it said. Mine, mine. The anger that came through Baxia touched everything, but this was different. It ached, when Xichen stood and the heavy wool fell past his knees, patterned with leaves that would not come again until spring; because Mingjue had not asked for this, but Xichen had chosen it anyway, chosen to come here, chosen to clothe himself in Mingjue's home. Mingjue wanted, fiercely, to hide Xichen away when he saw him in green, to cradle him with spell and stone and his own two arms to keep him safe. He wanted, more, to unleash Xichen upon the world. It might have scared him, the things he would let Xichen do, when he wore green; except that they both had been in war, and had already done worse. "Would you wear blue for me?" Xichen laughed, when Mingjue told him, two fingers rising to stroke the side of Mingjue's face. They burned. Mingjue leaned into them, trembling. Xichen was the one with his back against the wall, but Mingjue had only the power of his hands and his body, and like this, Xichen had always been the stronger. "I would not ask you, I don't think." "Yes," Mingjue said, helplessly, against Xichen's skin. Hot there; his pulse, the green robes keeping it warm. He would do anything, in moments like these, for the crinkle of satisfaction at the corners of Xichen's eyes. It was not a feeling befitting of a sect leader, and so he did not allow himself to have it often. And yet; it too was a type of fire. It would rush through Mingjue and pour him into Xichen, eat him from the inside out. Mine. Mine. Yours, Xichen. Yours. "Come here," Xichen said, and Mingjue kissed him, Xichen holding his chin, like so. He was so sweet, in green. He was so terrible. Nobody knew how terrible Xichen could be, when Mingjue had him under his mouth. 

(Except for-- No. That was over.)

"I prefer you in green," Xichen said. His breath in Mingjue's lungs, his ribs around Mingjue's heart. "It suits you." You too, Mingjue tried to say, but he found himself much distracted, then, from speaking.

[theophagie-remade]

This past year and a half I haven't missed commuting per se, because I happily and gladly made do without waking up at the crack of dawn and sitting down and standing up and sweaty people pressed against me and avoiding creeps at the station and running and begging the railway gods for punctuality and then doing it all over again hours later, physically and mentally exhausted, but I miss the quiet days. I miss the train's journey to its first stop in the early morning when everything was still dark and the wagon was still mostly empty and I needed some more time to start feeling like a person again. I miss looking outside the window and looking at the countryside rush by, or at the Sun rise or fall. I miss taking pictures of the flowers sprouting between the train tracks at certain stops. I miss watching the sea coming into view at the end of the day and knowing I was almost home

[formashimataichi]

do you think there’s a definite “better person” between taichi and arata?

Not really, to be honest? I think there are a lot of circumstancial differences between them that make it hard to compare whether one of them is a better person than the other. They both have their fair share of insecurities, they can be impulsively mean, they harbor individual jealousies, their initial perceptions of each other as rivals causes them to create rifts in their relationship with each other, etc. I think the whole point of their coinciding arc is to realize that competing against each other isn’t something that should be punctuated by all of their insecurities and judgements. They both deserve to be able to enjoy playing each other in earnest, and that’s why their challenger match was such a big deal—it was the first time that both of them loved playing against each other and even felt endeared to each other as a result. The two of them are only teenagers, barely eighteen, and for the level of their faults I don’t think there should really be any worry as to who is a better or worse person. In the end, they’re both growing people. Even if they weren’t perfect in the beginning, in the long run they’ve slowly grown to be better for their experiences and growing understanding of each other. That’s honestly why it bothers me a lot when people constantly pit them against each other outside of just karuta—it’s the farthest thing from the point. What matters most is that they heal as individuals and as friends, because how they address the rift between the two of them now may influence their relationship with each other forever (and this is just a tangent musing, but I think it can parallel a bit to Harada-sensei and that one coach he’s rivals with, and how their relationship in the long term was fractured because of misunderstandings that could easily have been resolved). It’s not worth it to let go of a good friendship because of insecurities or jealousies of each other, and I think that’s what they finally realized in the challenger match. The fact that a lot of people reduce their rivalry to who’s more deserving of winning a game or who’s the more noble potential recipient of Chihaya’s love, to me at least, really reduces their relationship to a bunch of cliches when it’s actually a lot more nuanced than that. I don’t really care who gets the girl or who’s the better person. I just want them to be happy in their friendships with each other, Chihaya included.

[viridescent-lament]

あーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあーあー

[sparrowofsong]

guess who didn't get a wink of sleep babes!!!!

[ahnsael]

So...I’ve been giving the date thing some thought.

She’s a great person. I do like her. But...I haven’t felt that *spark.*

Maybe it’s just that I’m afraid to fall in love too quickly. Maybe I’m just not ready. Maybe it’s my lousy brain telling me that I’m not worthy. Maybe she’s just not the right one. Maybe it’s 11 years of the single life screaming at me that “THIS IS NOT NORMAL TO GO ON DATES.”

I still want to go out with her again, but...if I haven’t felt that stirring of desire to be with her soon, I don’t want to string her along.

So I’m thinking we go out again when our schedules dictate that we can, and I see how things go as far as whether I feel that sudden “more-than-just-twitterpated” feeling, and then...just have the talk then. Tell her that I like hanging out with her, and still want to be friends with her, but...that I’m just not at a place where I feel like I can take it beyond that.

I’d rather do it sooner than later. Not that I don’t WANT it to work; just that the longer it goes, the more SHE may get HER hopes up, and I don’t want to play any games with someone else’s heart. But I also don’t want to let what could be my brain messing with me screw up a good thing, which is why I want to go out with her again before I make that decision. Because who knows?

I want to fall in love with a person, not just the idea of having someone. It wouldn’t be fair to them if I was looking to “end single life” more than I was looking to “be with this person specifically.”

I do appreciate any input you may have...be it in a reply, and ask, or a submission.

Like is it too soon to say I haven’t felt that “spark?” Or is it better to trust my gut after the first time hanging out? She really seems to be a groovy person...I just don’t feel that connection that I felt back when I was engaged (but we all know how that ended, at least those of you who have followed me for a long time -- with that one sending a Dear John email on Christmas Eve).

And obviously comparing her to someone for whom I fell WAY too hard WAY too fast over 20 years ago isn’t fair, but...I still hold a lot of regret over those days. They’re way too different of people to compare directly, so I’m pretty much comparing myself to the “myself” from 1997.

To me, none of this seems fair to her. But...if I keep things going, assuming I don’t feel that “spark” soon, would that be unfair to her as well?

I have no clue what I’m doing, y’all. I want to do right by her without putting myself in a bad situation.

Thank goodness that if “what do you want to do next?” was a hint at something, I didn’t go there. Because I’d feel 10x worse about this whole thing if I’d had done physical things (we kissed on the cheek at the end of the night, which seemed right and not too forward, especially since we went for a mutually-agreeable hug and when she kissed me on my cheek during that I reciprocated; I didn’t initiate the cheek kisses but was okay with them).

I don’t want to use her. I don’t want to play games. I don’t want to drag her along. But I also don’t want to “write her off” as if she doesn’t matter, because she definitely does.

For those of you who have dated more than I have (and, trust me, if you’ve dated as an adult you probably qualify), what’s the right course to take here? And if I’m being an asshole for thinking the way I’m thinking, PLEASE tell me that I’m being an asshole in this.

[skamiverse]

Skam Season 3 - Clip Schedule Categorized by Isak’s Emotional State

I’ve been thinking a lot about s3 and how from clip to clip or episode to episode there were such drastic emotional swings. One minute Isak and Even would be flirty and happy, and the next they weren’t talking. I made this little graphic to try to conceptualize the emotional arc of the season.

I’ve come to two conclusions:

I don’t know how you brave souls watching Skam live survived October-December 2016

I’m so ready to get emotionally destroyed by France s3 tomorrow (and Druck s3 in a few months)

[fangirleaconmigo]

Do you think it's bad for a cis woman to read gay smut fanfictions or the opposite, as it's not really about exploring the reader's own sexuality?

Hi Anon,

I know this question is controversial in fandom, and liking peace and quiet as much as I do (and disliking Discourse as much as I do), it would be much smarter for me to just delete your ask.

However, I have some extremely strong feelings about this, so I’m going to dive in and hope for the best in how it is received. (famous last words) It is going to be long, because I do think it warrants careful thought. The question of shame, fetishization, and homophobia is an important one, so I will address that. This may be a lot more than you wanted, but asking me any questions about morality is going to open up a huge ol can of worms. I am a wordy bitch. So here we go.

Firstly you ask, is it ‘bad’. To explain my own personal system of morality, my measurement for whether something is bad always boils down to, does it hurt people or does it help people? And when the thing we’re judging is a personal action someone has taken, I ask myself, is this person making a choice for themselves (as is their right to do) or are they making a choice for other people?

Obviously this can get very complex. I studied political philosophy in college, so I know that when you are in the fuzzy areas, you can debate these things until the end of time. People are still arguing over moral ideas put forward centuries ago. BUT that is the basis, the starting point for my own system of morals.

So. Does reading fiction in private, or being horny harm others or even affect others? No. Obviously not. Does it help anyone? Yes! It helps the person reading it! People really really really underestimate how much pleasure, a release, a bit of serotonin, can turn your mood and therefore your mental health around. I’m all for profound emotional shit, but let’s not overlook the fundamental role simple things like pleasure, fun, play, and release make in our quality of life and mental health. Eat a cookie! Smell a flower! Laugh! Orgasm! It’s all the good brain chemicals, folks.

That’s even setting aside (for the moment) the more profound ways reading smut can help you with your own trauma, shame, or general desire to explore your sexuality. It’s also even setting aside the way that smut fics often also have strong emotional elements of love, connection, learning to trust, and healing from trauma. I am setting that aside because even though it is true, it is not necessary to my argument.

So, it doesn’t hurt anyone (I will get to the fetishization question, bear with me.) And it is usually great for you. Or not! You’re a human being. You get to decide what is best for you.

Further, asking “should a woman with X gender identity and X sexuality be reading gay smut of two men” requires a few things. It implies that I am going to pass moral judgement on someone for what fiction they read, and base that judgment on their gender identity and sexuality. So, it requires me to know what that gender identity and sexuality is. Then, it requires me to say...you should or should not be reading that.

So my first issue with that is that I always reject efforts to police, restrict, or gatekeep art. Yes, even horny art is art. Even art created to provoke a sexual response, which many people (often very religious people, but also a subset of online fandom activists) consider a “lower” or “base” function of the human experience, IS art. (I don’t believe the human experience can be dissected in that way, but that is neither here nor there.)

Just as importantly, I viscerally recoil from any effort to police people’s gender or sexuality to see if they are allowed to read (or are just shamed for reading) certain material. Just. Whooooeeee, no thank you. Dear god, no.

Setting aside the fact that people’s sexuality and gender evolve, and they may not even know how to label themselves, this mentality, this sort of approach, often requires people to ‘out’ themselves. It demands that they publicly disclose their own sexual and gender identities in order to enjoy fiction in peace. It is, and I cannot stress this enough, toxic, abusive, and always damages queer people far more than anyone else. It is the exact opposite of queer liberation. Please look up Isabel Fall. There is an article on Vox that thoroughly walks you through one example of people shaming someone and demanding their identity, sending a trans woman into the hospital, and back into the closet.

Cishet white men literally do not give a fuck what you think about what they read. It is always and I mean ALWAYS LGBTQ people that suffer under the policing and forced outing of sexuality and gender. It also stinks of fascism.

I hear people saying “we aren’t burning books, it’s not censoring, relax.” What if we aren’t actively restricting material? What if we just judge, stigmatize, and shame in order to bully straight people into changing their reading habits? Isn’t that ok?

And what kind of disaster would we call upon ourselves if we don’t force anyone to out themselves? I mean, if you just ‘let’ lgbtq people do what they want without disclosing, you could get a bunch of straight cis women slipping through! They could just be out there! In their homes! On their devices! Being horny for fun!!!

I’m completely fine with that.

I am aware that the conversation happening in fandom spaces is whether it’s inherently fetishizing for women to think two men together in fiction is hot, and whether the smut is the cause of a tendency to fetishize gay men. Since I care a whole lot about fighting homophobia, I’ll take that seriously and address that.

People always use the example of “but how is this different from men lusting after lesbians? Don’t women hate it when men fetishize lesbians? How is this different?” That is always the question. “What if the genders were reversed?”

So I am going to start there.

As a gay woman, I can tell you, what a man beats it to in private is his business. I could not be less interested in the details of that. It doesn’t affect or harm me. It is literally none of my business.

What harms me is when a man mistreats gay women. When he thinks he can ‘convert’ a woman, says that she hasn’t had the right dick yet, or asks gay women to perform for him.

And I can say with confidence that men reading explicit material about two women has zero to do with this.

(People often bring porn into this, but bringing real human beings performing sex into the equation would require a broader ethical conversation and you asked about smutty fiction, so I’ll keep it focused on that.)

So, to really drive this point home, we need to separate two concepts out.

Sexual attraction vs dehumanization.

Sexual attraction is being hot for someone. It is morally neutral before you have acted on it in a way that involves another human being.

Dehumanization is seeing someone as less than human in some way. Dehumanization is when people believe they have the right to touch, harm, or even kill another person. It makes people believe that another human doesn’t doesn’t need or deserve to decide what happens to their own body. Dehumanizing is how you get young army recruits to kill complete strangers. Dehumanization facilitates bigotry. It shuffles sexual assault under the rug. It devalues life.

Misogyny is a form of dehumanization. It is a form of violence. It is what causes men to feel entitled to demand sexual favors from a woman, and to disregard her sexuality and autonomy. It is not sexual attraction. It is misogyny.

And you do not “get” or “catch” misogyny from smutty fiction.

When men are still boys, before they even pick up a device or a book, they are taught to see women as commodities. They are taught by their parents, their pastors, even CHILDREN’S MEDIA that sexual harassment is comedic, stalking is romantic, and women are prizes to be won. That if they achieve certain milestones required of men, they are entitled to a ‘prize’ of the woman they desire.

Misogyny is systemic. It is everywhere. It’s in the water, the air of our society, no matter where you live. It is global. The thing that makes men walk up to women and demand their bodies is one thing: sheer, mind boggling, entitlement. Audacity. Gall. Fucking nerve. Insidious misogyny.

I know this sounds dramatic to people who don’t experience it. But think about it. Every time someone tells a girl that she is ‘mean’ for not responding to a ‘nice’ guy's advances they are saying...you are a commodity to bestow on someone as a reward. You are not someone who gets to just simply have preferences. That is for ‘real’ human beings. This kind of mentality, in the mind of a violent angry person, is quite literally why men kill women for breaking up with them.

(I know that men, and people of all genders, suffer abuse and violence against them. I am not denying that, I am just having a conversation focused for the moment on violence against women.)

NOW, the constant violence against women in this context (and you may not experience it, but please look at the numbers for rape and domestic violence and other gendered violence) has made people CONFLATE men’s sexual desires with predation.

That is how you get people who profess to be leftists and care about oppressed peoples treating the ENTIRE CONCEPT of men’s attraction to women as predatory and therefore stigmatizing and demonizing the entire concept of sex and men's sexuality. I’ve heard people talk about leftist puritans online and I think a lot of stems from a misguided reaction to a society that allows sexual predation to become rife. No, darlings, no.

The problem isn’t men or their sexuality. The problem is misogyny.

If we are to have even a prayer of a healthy, kind society, we need to separate those two things out. Get a crowbar. Pull them apart. Don’t allow the patriarchy to poison you against something that is an important, fundamental part of who we all are! There is nothing dangerous or shameful or predatory about men being sexually attracted to women.

If men think women are hot as fuck? If they want to read about or think about hot gay ladies together in order to get off? Shit, me too, man!!! ME FREAKING TOO.

We can apply this to the concept of women fetishizing gay men. When we talk about women fetishizing gay men, we are talking about women who ask creepy intrusive questions. Who call gay men demeaning pet names against their wishes. Who touch them without their consent. Who go to gay clubs just to treat it like their own personal entertainment and make everyone feel uncomfortable and on display. These are women who don't give a shit about the personal boundaries or comfort or well being of gay men.

This behavior is revolting. But the root of that behavior isn’t lust. It is homophobia. Homophobia isn’t just ‘I hate gay people’ or ‘I want to beat up gay people’ or ‘I think they shouldn’t get married'. It is also, ‘gay peoples’ sexuality isn’t real or important, and it just exists to entertain me or get me off.’

Again, we are taught homophobia from the cradle in a thousand different insidious ways. People have their homophobia deeply rooted far before they even find out what AO3 is, my friends. Homophobia is a violence. It is evil. It is systemic.

And we cannot combat it without NAMING it. Without UNDERSTANDING IT. Bigotry is baked into our society (whichever one you live in). You have to learn to IDENTIFY IT to COMBAT IT.

And to do that, I am begging people, BEGGING THEM, my god I am on my knees people, (cue Boyz II Men, down on bended knee) to learn the difference between sex and violence. Between attraction and assault. We don’t have a prayer of eliminating bigotry or the shame and stigma around sex until we do that.

Because the stigma and shame we attach to our bodies and to sexual desire (or lack of sexual desire, ace people are valid, all level of sexual desire is valid) are pernicious, violent, and toxic to our self worth and to our very spirits.

This goes back to the question I asked earlier. If we aren’t forced outing people or actively censoring material, isn’t a little shame and bullying ok just to keep the straights on their toes?

It really is not.

Please take it from me, a person with a metric fuckton of experience working through PTSD, depression, anxiety disorder, and dissociative symptoms, most of it due to sexual abuse as a child, that shame about your body and your natural desires (or, again, lack of) is what keeps their boot on your neck. It is what keeps you from healing. It makes you live a half life. It steals joy and health and peace from you. It is the enemy of the human spirit.

My god! There is nothing wrong with experiencing sexual desire for fictional characters or scenarios! There's nothing wrong with being horny in your own house! Lol Just imagine the damage that kind of shame and stigma does to people!

I was raised by fundamentalist Baptist right wingers. They tried to teach me the same thing. That the natural things my body did were shameful and disgusting outside the bounds of a marriage to a Christian man. It turned out all that did was make me a perfect target for predators because no matter what happened I would always feel at fault.

Besides all the abuse, I was also told point blank by my father and my pastors that gay people are all sexual predators, child molesters, and deserve to be executed. You may not see much of this attitude anymore in public spaces like twitter or tumblr. But it is still very very common all over the world. In fact, it is more common than not. And I internalized that to the point that even as a grown woman I am not whole. I still have work to do to get rid of the shame I have around my own sexuality. But I will get there!

And reading sexy fiction online (along with a metric fuckton of therapy, self help books, meditation, several inpatient hospitalizations, and, well, you get the picture, I’ve done a lot of stuff) helped me work through some of the damage that did to me.

So….thanks, sexy fic writers! (I’m going to talk to the sexy fic writers for a second) You cannot know how much you have helped me! Even all the fics that are ‘just’ pwp or ‘just kink’. You cannot know! It has been a process of shedding shame and being able to face up to who I am after having a whole bunch of self loathing dumped into my brain while it was still mushy and forming.

And reading sexy fic that doesn’t contain any representations of my own body has been really, really important to ease into learning to accept myself, because it offers me a space that will not trigger any hatred or shame I have attached to my own body. That is how it has helped me.

But it doesn’t have to ‘help people’. It can just be fun.

So, when women enjoy smut of two men, and people point and say “Look! Look! Those women aren’t gay. They’re just...(gasp, choke) attracted to men!!! And therefore!!! They like two men together!!!” as though it is just a fucking S C A N D A L. I just. It’s hilarious. Most people are horny, and GOD FORBID, some of them like men! (MEN?? NOOOOO, NOT M E N) Let me notify the church real quick. Let me clutch my pearls. Light some flares. Call the red phone. Turn on the bat signal. Help, Batman, help.

So, dear anon, I don’t know why you asked the question. I don’t know whether you believe it is bad, or whether someone has told you it is bad and therefor you feel bad about yourself, but my answer for you and women of any sexual or gender identity who love gay smut, I promise that you are not inherently bad.

Certainly, if people are like ‘I don’t trust women who only ship men’ or if they have critique about the way fics are written, that is their right. You must respect their feelings and their decisions about what they read and who they associate with. They have the right to feel however they want, and read whatever they want. Being a person is complex, and we all have our own perspectives.

But as for you? Being inherently bad? No, no, no.

And as for gay men, I can guarantee you that the absolute last people on planet earth to be horrified by an attraction to men, are gay men.

Just don’t treat real people like they exist to be your little pet or that their queerness exists to fucking entertain or serve you.

Just don’t confuse fiction and reality. That should be easy enough. One is words on a page. The others are living, breathing, human beings.

[httpstes]

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆astro observations ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Links to other Astrovations: Astro Observation ll, Astro Observation lll, Astro Observation IV, Astro Observation V, Astro Observation VI

୨୧ Taurus mixed with cancer in the big three is imo the most chillest yet elegant placement. These the types of people that can easily ground you and calm you down in high stress or extremely formal situations. They ease the formalities at events and what not. Not to say they don’t have class which they 100% do but it’s not in a overarching, strict punctual way yk? They’re classy and sophisticated but in a soft comfy way.

୨୧ Sag moons will forever (including all sag placements tbh 😭) be my number one favourite placement. Now i don’t have much fire in my chart or maybe it’s my pisces moon i literally do not know but I LOVE THESE BITCHES SO MUCHH. My sag moon family members and friends are like a teacher/friend and confidant all wrapped in one. They can be blunt depending on the rest of the chart but truly most of the ones I’ve met aren’t as "harshly blunt" as i’ve seen them portrayed. These people will explain things in detail about random topics they are interested in and they sound so fucking smart omh. I admire their optimistic and carefree attitude sm, they know how to give good advice and can unconsciously inspire others to do things they could never imagine doing.

୨୧ Libra rising and taurus rising go hand in hand honestly and it’s the two rising signs i see together a lot compared to other dual planetary ruled signs like virgo & gemini, aries & scorpio ect. I’ve just seen so much love (platonic and romantic) being shared between this duo. They have a natural understanding of eachother and despite having different approaches to things they both surely share a love for beauty, romance and everything nice in life. I also noticed these duos rarely fight, maybe it’s the venusian energy between them 🤷‍♀️

୨୧ Moon-Venus harsh aspects i’ve noticed either have commitment issues or attachment issues no in between 😭 A close friend of mine has this and he’s told me multiple times how hard it is to actually fall for someone as he doesn’t want to deal with the pain of the relationship and he also just finds it gross in general LMAOO

୨୧ Virgo placements, moon and venus in particular, are so thoughtful and caring. When they go out they buy you random things they think you need and check up on you to see how your doing and if you need help with anything, they remind you they are always there. This however I feel only applies to virgo placements close friends unless afflicted. As these people are picky and won’t give out their time and energy to everyone who comes by.

୨୧ Jesus christ i love capricorn moons but man how much emotional baggage are yall carrying ?!? Fr these mfs are so strong for not having given up yet. They at least have one thing that keeps them going to help them get up in the morning and prepare for a new day. They seem to hate failing and like getting credit when they believed they deserve it for the hard work they have put in. Capricorn placements get up after every fall, and despite how hard times can get they always find a way to push through. I admire you guys sm.

୨୧ Okay i’m practically complimenting myself with this one but ik it’s true 😭 If you are an earth rising or have water in the third house YOU HAVE NICE HANDS. Now i always knew my hands were somewhat nice, i mean i never rlly thought of them that much LMAO. But ever since i started highschool i be getting compliments left and right about them hand structure or what not. But yea water in third = nice hands.

୨୧ Leo risings win the lottery for being pretty and feeling good about the envious looks other people give them. These people are BLESSED with good looks and whether conventionally attractive or not, i’m telling you there is always something about Leo risings that make you turn twice to look back at them.

୨୧ Pisces placements, Moon-Neptune, Moon in 12th are prone to addiction. I know that’s been said a lot on here but from experience and looking at half my friend groups chart bc for some reason we all have pisces moons, it’s true. Now addiction is not always drugs and alcohol. I’ve noticed in some and of course depending on other placements can be addiction to daydreaming, (which again is another stereotypical pisces thing) perfectionism and over working. These things all distract us from our thoughts or mundane everyday life, whatever it may be, pisces placements are definitely prone to addiction of all forms.

୨୧ Venus in second house may be known for their beauty or be physically attractive. Something about these people is magnetising, from their movements to the way they speak, they are very captivating people.

୨୧ Venus in the 3rd, 10th, 8th is similar but with Venus in the 3rd, most of it has to do with their voice, the way they communicate and how their mind works. Venus in the 8th is also just as captivating but in a more mysterious dangerous way. Venus is comfortable in the second house but when it moves to the 8th it is exploring unknown waters. People with Venus in 10th house are known for their beauty. Whether they become famous for it or not, it may not be a prize winning talent but their physical appearance is definitely acknowledged by others.

୨୧ Aries moons are the most motivating people i’ve ever met. They encourage others with such passion and without even realising it. I look up to these people and they push me to work harder. Something else I like about this placement is that they tell things as it is. They don’t beat around the bush and when they tell the truth they tell you because they want the best for you. Ily guys

୨୧ I’ve heard a lot about venus-asc but sun/moon-venus are just wow. Sun-venus esp the conjunction present their beauty to the world, it’s glamorous and gold and everyone is infatuated with their energy. Moon-venus on the other hand has a more silent type of beauty. It’s definitely there you can see it but it’s not as loud as sun-venus. It’s once the moon-venus let’s you in that you will see the beauty that shines from within and suddenly they’re the most gorgeous to ever exist.

୨୧ Moon in tenth house regardless of what sign it’s in are hustlers. They have ambition and goals that they want to complete and while those goals may vary from long-term success or short-term goals that they have, they put in hard work equally for both.

୨୧ Gemini risings are some of the funniest people I’ve ever met. They can adapt to anyone’s personality and can easily connect with anyone. They make friends easily too.

୨୧ Capricorn and Aquarius in a chart can make someone come off as socially awkward or kind of standoffish but they can really get deeply enveloped with conversations and actually listen to what your saying. They take in the words and remember it. I’d literally kiss ass to be in the presence of these people, the way they carry themselves and the way they walk is so attractive 😭

This is my first actual astro observations post so yay >:)