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curio-queries · 13 hours

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I saw Jungkook's documentary this weekend and have just a few thoughts. If you're avoiding spoilers, don't click the cut!

The Hybe Documentary Format

So...as a reminder to you all, I do not have professional expertise in the film industry. I'm just a very discerning consumer. I also haven't seen Hobi's documentary and I watched Road to D-Day while I was quite ill last year so I only vaguely remember some bits. (I'll definitely be getting back to those sooner rather than later though as research for a series of posts I'm developing.) That being said, I think we have enough data points to state that Hybe has absolutely no interest in filmmaking techniques outside of music videos.

I did mostly enjoy my experience seeing this film yesterday and I'm always grateful for any amount of footage the members are willing to share with us but this 'documentary ' was worse than Jimin's Production Diary. Any of you that managed to make it through my rambling review will know how dissatisfied I was with that.

I Am Still is not a documentary, it's a mixture of showcase footage and behind-the-scenes clips, most of which has already been divulged in the various episodes and shooting sketches on YouTube. Honestly, if you're not able to see the film, just go rewatch all of the bangtantv content for JKs solo period and the showcase and you'll be up to speed with 85% of what was in the documentary.

There are definitely some expansions to the storylines featured in the bangtantv content; mostly being anything that wasn't overtly optimistic. For example, we learn a little bit more about just how sick JK was during the Seven/3D promotions. That content likely was pulled from the bangtantv edit because it would have put a damper on the promotions and given certain 'fans' a focus to fixate their vitriol. But overall, it feels more like an extended version of existing content rather than a new work. At least JPD didn't continually feed us footage we'd seen before.

I'm someone who gets completely bothered by previews spoiling content so I didn't watch any of the promos until after I saw it and I am so glad I skipped them because most of the 'original' scenes of the film were featured in least one of them. Alas, that's a separate issue of which I'm definitely in the minority.

Was There No Structure?

Kinda. Like JPD, there is a semblance of a structure: Attempting to follow the chronology of release activities for JKs GOLDEN album through the lens of JKs staement trying to prove that he is still worthy of everything he was being hailed as during the BTS group activities but I don't feel this was successfully executed. It jumps round enough and isn't very successful in explaining the events if you didn't already know about them. The film starts with the SEVEN performance at GMA and footage that we've already seen of JK recording SEVEN, not mentioning anything about the music video or really how JK got involved with the song in the first place. The rest of the story beats have similar missing points.

They have a vague narrative with the 'I Am Still' points but that's mostly carried by subs and a couple of moments that JK mentions himself. I'm not saying it's not true or wasn't top-of-mind for JK during this process but it's not the main point of many of the moment/messages he shared with us during this time period so it feels a little disingenuous since everything else jn this film really only makes sense if you've already seen quite a lot of behind-the-scenes content.

Honestly, it makes me question the intended audience. Obviously, they know that ARMY will shell out whatever we need to when there's new content from our members but most of us will have already seen all of the bangtantv content so we are already familiar with the most of the footage in this film. I genuinely don't think this was produced in such a way to be palatable for audiences not familiar with BTS so who does that leave? Our friends and family that are peripherally aware of the content but haven't learned the basics of JKs album? ARMY with short term memories only?

But again, it seems this film was compiled by an editing team and not lead by a director with experience in crafting a documentary. The only new footage that Ican guarantee was captured with the express purpose of being included in this film was the few clips of JK talking in the practice room with the albums displayed by him. But we all know that's where all of the promo clips were gathered as well. I have issues with that approach as well but I'll leave this point alone for now unless anyone is interested.

Suffice it to say, all of these suppositions over the past year about how JKs documentary was getting special treatment or even questioning about investment in a project up front are dead. This was a product assembled with bits of what they already had completely in-house which was sold for distribution.

So, Did We Learn NOTHING?

No, there are a few Golden nuggets (see what I did there?). I can't recall everything having only seen it once (and having a rather disruptive audience - I swear there were only dozen or so ppl in my theater but I forget how obnoxious teenagers can be. I'm glad they're enjoying and supporting but we really didn't need light sticks flashing during a film and how many times does one person need to get up to answer their phone during this runtime? Three according to the row in front of mine.)

Anyway, something I thought was interesting to learn was that Standing Next To You was initially recorded the day after JK heard it for the first time. And hearing a little more about how JK yearned to perform that song definitelygot me thinking a little more about it. We can't reach any conclusions just with this little nugget but it does open the door to some theories. Like perhaps they were initially planning to have JK record two separate albums? SEVEN and 3D would be the singles of the first and JK would perform them as we saw but perhaps STNY was originally planned to be the single of the 2nd album that would release while he was in the military and thus be unable to perform it? Maybe JK loved STNY so much that everything was grouped into one album and Never Let Go was the only track held back for ms? Definitely some theorizing space to be had now.

Final thoughts?

Similar to my thoughts on the GCF: Budapest (which I feel would have had a much better reception if it had been labeled as a bangtan episode rather than a GCF), I AM Still should not have purported to be a documentary. It was much more similar to the annual Memories compilations. But the general public would not have shelled out the $25 to go to a theater to watch a Memories DVD so alas, we have our content packaged as a ~documentary~...

Did my view on the music change at all? Not because of the documentary. We're coming up on the year anniversary of GOLDEN and it's still definitely not my favorite. I completely understand why some people like it but it's just not to my taste. The overall impact falls a little flat for me. Too much breadth and not enough depth. I came into my musical soul during the 00s emo phase and will always be a sucker for music that absolutely drips in an emotional way rather than catchy songs vaguely referencing heartache and love. Again, just a matter of viewpoint.

I do think most of these songs stand much better being shuffled amongst other artists in a Playlist and several of them are significantly better when JK sang them live but I still won't be listening to them regularly. I wholeheartedly believe JK completed his task of proving himself as an extremely dedicated and versatile singer and performer. He's definitely got some solid points added to his resume after this project.

#jeon Jungkook #i am still #GOLDEN #bts documentaries

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syrena-del-mar · 1 year

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The Depths of Inner Turmoil: Exploring Isolation, Connection, and Vulnerability in La Pluie Ep. 10

La Pluie's manner in utilizing imagery really depicts what it means when a 'picture is worth a thousand words.' Since the first episode I had been anxiously awaiting La Pluie's dive into the fallout of Lomfon and Tien. Anything I had conjured up when I was imagining the scene did not even come close to how palpable Tien was hurt. Taking in, at face value, the image of Tien on that bench is painful enough, but the comparison to Tai, Lomfon, and Patts makes it hurt even more.

This time around, not only do I think that La Pluie was making a statement on Tien's own pain as the odd one out, but I also think they were showing the levels of isolation, connection and vulnerability that all four of them have found themselves in.

Isolation vs. Connection

Patts, Lomfon, and Tai finding reprieve in their respective homes after the fallout of their shattered connection is significant. They're sitting, boxed in by the four walls of their homes alone, struggling alone, for the first time. They are finally completely and utterly isolated. None of the three ever really wanted to have their condition, but they were all tied together by the laws of nature in their universe. For once, they have the isolation that they had wanted, left just with their thoughts and without the intrusion of others in their mind, but that means the three of them going to have to come to terms with how lonely that actually is.

They're struggling through their pain isolated, physically separated and emotionally confined. Their respective homes are acting as a barrier from any form of contact with the outside world, Tai is especially disconnecting himself due to his nature of being conflict-avoidant. Tai seeks the comfort of isolation, because when you're isolated, nothing will rock the boat. Nothing can breach in and hurt you. Tai and Lomfon are the ones that have fully become trapped, emotionally confined and isolated into the four walls that surround them. They are forced to be with their own thoughts and feelings, to think about how their choices really lead them into that isolation. They're both choosing to hide their personal struggles and emotions, internalizing them, breaking all meaningful relationships (intentionally and unintentionally).

Patts seeks answers and comfort, a connection, first with Nara, yet he ignores her existence only downing drink after drink, because that’s not the connection he wants. Patts wants his connection (both literally and metaphorically) back with Tai but Tai physically shuns him out. As a result, Patts is also left alone, trapped, but not by his own volition. Tai isolates him, just as he isolated his own family when his parents divorced. Patts now takes the place of Tien, sitting outside his door. The key difference being that Tien knew that Tai sought the isolation, sending him only a note of reassurance, while Patts is trying to get him to open up while he's left in the other room to deal with own wound. All three of them are left to shield that pain away from the outside world, hidden by their walls of their home.

In contrast, we have Tien, truly alone again, but this time he's just a numb shell of the vibrant and brash man he used to be. The only one that finds himself outside, still in his soaking wet clothes, ruminating in the pain. He's the unassuming collateral damage. He's the one that has always been totally alone before this, always the outsider looking in. In Tien's perspective, Lomfon readily throws that in his face, even knowing how sensitive Tien is, because Lomfon was only thinking about his own pain. Even if he had been interested in Tien before, the moment that Tai confirmed that he had been the one that saved him, for a split-second Lomfon was willing to try to believe in fate. Neither Tien nor Tien's warning ever crossed his mind in that moment. In Tien's view, Lomfon wanted to figure out his heart, but he did that at the cost of his friend by messing with his brother. The very brother that Tien had broken down and cried to Lomfon about, when Tien realized he hadn't "cared for him properly". While Lomfon might have only been the catalyst of the actual psycho-connection break with Tai and Patts, he's the one that unintentionally created the actual separation with Tien.

Yet, the fact that he's not boxed in, not confined, he's the only one that was willing to be vulnerable. He's outside, where anyone can see him, on a bench that is big enough for two people. In an invitation for someone, anyone, to come look for him or to comfort him. The emotional toll that the night has taken on him is absolutely visible to anyone that would pass him by. For the first time, he's not hiding his true emotions behind a mask. Out of the four, he's the only that is exhausted of hiding and distancing himself. The only thing that hiding got him was being sidelined by everyone he loves. So he's not hiding anymore, he's alone, but he's not hiding. His vulnerability is in complete display to whoever crosses him, he needs support and he might be unconsciously seeking that connection with someone (anyone), because the only connection that he did have, blew up in his face. But nobody comes, because he's hidden behind that mask for so long and he's put himself second for so long that people have forgotten that he has actual feelings and needs to be cared for as well. They've forgotten that Tien, behind all that brazenness and self-assertiveness, still needs someone to look out for him.

Internalization vs. Externalization of Emotions

The image of the the three sitting in their own homes, in comparison to Tien who is all alone outside in his soaked clothes sitting in a bench, elicits a poignant portrayal of the internalization and individualized suffering that the three are undergoing. Each one of them are secluded in the confines of their own home, a microcosm that consists of the painful emotions that they are all experiencing. Patts is dealing with the fact that Tai doesn't meet his needs, fails to verbally choose him, and the thing that tied them together has completely broken apart. He’s clearly self-destructing with every drink he takes and the way he angrily calls Tai’s bluff, but it’s all the safety of the privacy of his home. Tai is dealing his own internal battle with his (misplaced) expectation for his actions to be sufficient for Patts when he doesn't verbally express himself. The only witness to his turmoil being Duer. Meanwhile, Lomfon is battling with the emotional fallout of having chosen to test out his feelings with Tai while losing Tien. While he might have been aware of his own feelings for Tien, he was completely caught off-guard that those feelings had been reciprocated. He knows just how much his words hurt Tien and the tears are threatening to spill. They're all pained by the fallout, but they're keeping it internally hidden behind the safety of closed doors.

All three are burdened with the weight of their own personal responsibility that caused the falling out of their respective relationships, and they're navigating the significance of that. With all the introspection that they are doing and are having to do, they've isolated themselves, hiding all their emotions behind the safety of their home and not allowing them to be seen by prying eyes. The shots of them in their own home side by side only shows their individualized suffering which has lead to lack of shared understanding. They're all making choices that lead them to isolation and loneliness, failing to allow any support to come through the doors of their homes. It's a choice that they have taken, to internally sort their pain out without the help of anyone else.

Meanwhile Tien, who has no where else to go to, is left to sit on a bench outside, without the ability to change or wash away the pain that he incurred. For once, he's fully vulnerable. There's no amount of brashness or rudeness that can hide his own pain now. This time he can't keep his own emotions under a mask so he's not able to go comfort Tai because he's reached his limit. He can't compartmentalize anymore, because the one person he thought he could find a safe-haven in, hurt him the most.

He's emotionally exhausted and overloaded. He's stuck taking care of other's emotions, putting theirs before his own, leaving little time or space for him to wade through his own emotions. He doesn't allow himself to grieve his family life, the divorce affecting him just as much as it affected his brother, instead he sacrifices his emotional well-being. The lack of emotional respite has reared its ugly head and he's not able to even cry. In that moment he's just an empty shell, shutting down because how do you deal with a flood of emotions, all at once, when you did everything in your power to not have to? He had his walls built high, which Lomfon had started to breach only to find out that Lomfon, in his perspective, was only ever interested in his brother.

He's tired, he's worn out, he's given too much of himself already. The one respite, the one person that he thought he could turn to, was never really his. So he shuts down. There's no tears for him to cry, instead he shuts down his emotions as a means of self-preservation. Shutting down grants him protection from even more emotional turmoil and vulnerability. It's a means of self-preservation for Tien, because the only time he dares to think he means something to someone, he gets burnt. Abandoned, an afterthought, othered. Tien being stuck outside, his numbness and shell-shocked exterior, he's still choosing an outward expression in a public location where someone can come find him. Ironically, the lack of emotions is the most obvious and outward depiction of just how much in pain he is. Yet, nobody comes looking for him. Nobody ever does. Not his brother, not Lomfon, no one.

The one time that he's externally showing that there is something wrong, nobody comes searching for him. He's left on a bench made for two in the same wet clothes, outside and alone.

Final Thoughts

I think not only does the imagery of Tien outside wearing the same clothes as before while Patts, Lomfon and Tai had changed and washed up, in the warmth of the homes, really says a lot about where Tien is, emotionally, in comparison to them. Like @heretherebedork said, by putting himself second in every aspect of his life, he has also unintentionally hurt others [Lomfon in this case]. I don't even think Tien realized how emotionally exhausted he was this whole time, putting the happiness of his brother first, because he always distanced himself from the problems in order to be able to take care of his brother.

Tien is able to compartmentalize but he's not good at delving into his own emotions so he won't let himself ruminate in them. Instead, he's going to build his walls higher and tougher, to the point where he thinks he won't ever need to depend on anyone again. He'll go back to being the doting and hard-headed brother of Tai, not even seeking an apology for leaving him behind, for not checking up on him, because he'll never expect that out of his brother. He's Tai's emotional caretaker, not the other way around. This only reinforces his conditioning of independency and chronic escapism from his emotions, because the moment he needed and wanted someone else, nobody showed up.

This is coming a little late since life has been moving way too fast. I only have so many hours in a day, but I felt this was very important to discuss because it had been festering in my brain since last Saturday. It's going to be interesting to see in the last two episodes if all four of them can learn to grow out of the way they deal with their emotions and inner turmoil and learn to effectively communicate their needs.

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