#i hope we can cause the longer this goes the more we suffer

[inniave]

after surgery i'm buying myself pentiment goddamnit

[too-much-tma-stuff]

Finally Getting Help (prt. 10)

Mastterpost

A/N: Thank you all for the well wishes about my dog. Unfortunately he didn't make it and pass away Tuesday morning in the vet's office. I was able to get some writing done but I don't have the energy to edit. Let me know if you find any mistakes.

-----

Jason: hey, thanks for the gun and the tech, it's really cool.

Danny: new phone who dis 😝

Jason: I hope you haven't given too many people guns in the last couple days.

Danny: no I haven't, thanks for texting me Jason. Have you got a chance to try the gun?

Jason: not on anything moving, I've been doing some target practice to get a feel for it though. Looking forward to when I can test it on Vlad.

Danny: aww are you going to avenge my honor 🥺

Jason: if you want me too. I'll bring you his head if you want me too.

Danny: 🥰 you're so sweet. I wouldn't say no to seeing him suffer for what he's done but don't get yourself in any trouble okay? And if you do call me right away. I'll come rescue you 😘

Jason: hey I'm the one offering to protect you! 

Danny: we can protect each other. And fight each other, can you come spar again soon?

Jason: I wouldn't call that sparring, more like brawling.

Danny: eh potato potato, do you want to come fight me again?

Jason: if demon brat won't kill me for it, sure. Can I take you out for dinner afterwards? I have some questions

Danny: It's a date! Just tell me when

Jason: Day after tomorrow? I have some work to take care of first.

Danny: Sounds great! And it is a date right? You don't mind that I'm going to have kids?

Jason: the kids aren't a deal breaker I promise but let's not jump the gun okay? We're going to be family through B so we don't want this to blow up in our faces. Let's hang out, take it slow, see how it goes. You need to be careful about who you let into your life now anyway, you can't just let anyone around you and the babies.

Danny: don't tell me what to do 😠 but you're right. I'm bad about rushing into things. I'm still looking forward to it.

Danny: By the way Jazz uploaded the power point she made about Liminals and Ghosts to the bat’s server thing. You have access to that right? You should read that before we meet and I can fill in the gaps.

Jason: Sounds good, I’ll have a look at it and I’m looking forward to it too. I'll be there at 5 so we can spar before dinner. Don't forget to warn B and your guard dog.

Danny: Damian is a good kid. I'll let them know.

Danny stared at his new phone Tim had given him with apprehension. The chat with Jason had gone very well, and Danny was glad he reached out but there were other people he really needed to reach out to and he was… frankly scared. Sam and Tucker were his best friends and had always been there for him but they both had tempers. Would they be mad that he hadn’t told them he was pregnant? Would they be upset he had left Amity and wasn’t planning on coming back?

He needed to reach out though, the longer he waited the harder it would be to talk to them, and things wouldn’t stay calm as they were now. Vlad would be back to cause trouble again and even though the JLD had control of the portal but he was sure his rogues would find their way through eventually. Vlad had his own portal anyway, and Danny wouldn’t put it past him to open it just to annoy Danny. Maybe try and weaken him a little so Vlad could swoop in and pick him off.

Today was quiet, he needed to take this chance. He sighed and got up off the edge of his bed where he was sitting and ducked out of his room. He didn’t want to do this alone, so he wasn’t surprised when he found himself in the library where Jazz was studying. 

He sat down across from her and reached across, laying his hand, palm up on the table. Without looking up from her book she reached over and placed her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. He smiled at her and took a deep breath before putting on his earbuds and sending a message in the group chat.

Danny: When you guys are ready can we call?

Jazz phone went off too and she checked it, smiled at Danny, and then silenced the chat and went back to her book. She didn’t need to be part of this call but at least she knew what he was doing. 

Sam: Yes, let me just grab Tuck. He’s playing Doomed.

Danny took a deep breath and put down his phone while he waited for them to call and tried not to panic.

When the phone buzzed he jumped and reached for it, joining the call quickly. 

“Hey guys,” He said, awkwardly, waving with the hand that wasn’t holding the phone.

“Hey yourself! What the heck happened Danny?! Basically the whole town joined in in chasing Vlad when we found out what he did but why did we have to find out on tv?! Why didn’t you tell us?!” Sam said, but at least she just seemed stressed, not actually angry.

“I’m sorry guys,” Danny said, wincing a little when he heard Tucker sniffling a little. “I hadn’t told anyone yet. I hadn’t even fully accepted it yet honestly.

“I still wasn’t ready to talk about it, bur Cass is really good at reading people's body language and I guess she clocked that I was carrying them by how I kept unconsciously touching my stomach. When she asked me about it it sorta broke through my denial and I broke down which started the ball rolling on… all this,” He said with a vague gesture.”

“All this is right!The justice league really brought the hammer down on Amity. They’re dismantling the GIW and really pissed at the government and basically all the adults in the town for letting this happen. And they arrested your parents!” Sam said sounding almost excited.

“Sam! That was really insensitive! They’re still his parents, what if he didn’t know!?” Tucker broke in furiously. 

“No it’s alright I knew, Jazz told me. She’s here with me,” He said squeezing her hand though she wasn’t paying attention to the call.

“Okaaay so where is Here?” Tucker asked warily. 

“Ya are you safe? We haven’t seen you since all this went down! Are you really with Bruce Wayne?” Sam asked sounding wary.

“Yes I am. He’s got a foster license and since his kids were the one that found out what was going on it just made sense that I’d stay here.”

“And he’s Not another Fruitloop?” Sam asked warily. “You need to be careful with these rich people you know? They’re basically all crazy!”

“Sam you’re rich,” Danny pointed out, amused. 

“Ya, and? My point stands!”

“Fair enough,” Danny laughed. “But no, I did some snooping the first night I was here and it seems okay. And since he’s got close ties to the Justice League he was able to get the help we really needed, and he says he might be able to help me meet Martian Manhunter!”

“Don’t fanboy out too bad,” Tucker teased him.

“Oh ya? And what if I helped you meet Tim Drake? Would you not be just as bad,” Danny accused Tucker.

“Touche,” Tucker said. “Could you though?”

“I mean maybe? He’s my foster brother now and he seems cool. You two are my best friends, if I’m going to stay I’m sure you could come visit me and meet all of them.” 

“Are you really going to stay there though? I mean once the GIW and everything is cleared out you could stay with either of us. I know my parents aren’t your biggest fans but I know they’d let you stay,” Sam said sounding worried. 

“And I know my family doesn't have a ton of money but they adore you, we’d make it work,” Tucker added looking worried.

“No, guys I really appreciate the offer but… I don’t want to come back to Amity. The Justice League said they shut down the portal and I really need a fresh start I think. I think I’d rather stay here. Jazz too, she’s gonna study at Gotham U and intern at Arkham,” He said. She looked up at the mention of her name and gave him a small smile.

“I’m sorry, you guys are my best friends and I’ll miss you, but there are too many… memories in Amity you know?”

“Ya I get that,” Sam said, looking sad and distant.

“We can still call, and play Doomed together, and visit on breaks!” Tucker said, his chipper tone sounding a little forced. “We’re going to say friends!” He insisted and Danny smiled.

“Of course we will Tuck,” He promised. They might grow apart with the distance between them, but he hoped not, they really were his best friends.

“Ya, my parents will probably be thrilled about this development and want me to come over all the time. They love the Waynes,” Sam chuckled though her optimism also seemed a bit forced. Of course she was more of a pessimist, she probably thought they would drift apart, but knew Danny needed them right now. 

“Soo what’s been going on in Amity since I left?” Danny asked, letting them ramble about the drama, the rumours, and the bullshit that was the bullies and everyone in the school sudden;y pretending they cared about Danny soooo much.

After they finished telling him about it there were a few beats of silence and Danny was just about to suggest they hang up when Sam spoke up again. 

“So, what actually happened with Vlad? If you don’t want to talk about it that’s okay but…”

“No, it’s okay. It’s not what- what you’d think. It’s superhero bullshit really. When I wouldn’t be his son he decided to try and clone me, you met Dani with an I right? She was one of the clones. But he didn’t know I was trans, and my DNA got all fucked up in the portal so none of the clones were stable. I have no idea how many he tried to make that died. But when I found out it was because he had lied to Dani and told her he needed me to stabilize her clone brothers. It was a batch of ten.

“But he lied, he didn’t actually care about stabilizing them, he was going to let them all die. I was only able to save the two that were most stable and only by taking their cores into myself. So I’m not normal pregnant, I’m ghost pregnant. 

What is my life huh?” He finished, chuckling awkwardly. 

“Oh fuck,” Sam said her shoulders slumping a little even as her expression went through a range of emotions. “That’s better in a way but still a whole different type of fucked up! I hope they catch him soon.”

“I hope so too but I don’t think they will,” Danny said with a shrug. “Not before he tries something else. I’m not lucky enough to be able to just move past this,” He said with a bitter little laugh.

“Well, we can still hope. And even if he does cause trouble you have more allies now! You’ve been able to handle everything else he’s thrown at you basically on your own, with the Justice League behind you I know there’s nothing you can’t handle. I mean, Vlad is kind of pathetic anyway,” Tucker encouraged making Danny smile. 

“Ya, you’re right, I’m sure it’ll be fine. Thanks guys,” he said fondly. 

“Of course dude! We’re here for you!” Tucker said.

“It’s really good to hear from you too. Don’t be a stranger okay?” Sam said, a bit worried.

“Of course not, I’ll keep you posted I promise.” Danny assured before they said their goodbyes and he hung up. 

He put down his phone and leaned back with a sigh, closing his eyes for a moment. Next to him Jazz chuckled and there was a soft snap as she closed her book. 

“You did well little brother,” She told him, getting up from her seat she moved behind him and rested her hands on his shoulders.

“How do you know? You weren’t listening.”

“No, but you reached out to your friends and had an honest conversation which isn’t easy. You did well,” She reiterated, squeezing his shoulders.

“Well thanks Jazz. I hope that they’re right that we won’t lose touch, and I’ll be able to handle whatever Vlad does,” He grumbled. 

“I’m sure we will,” Jazz promised. “And either way there’s no point in worrying about it now. Has Jason texted you yet?” She asked, giving Danny the excuse he needed to change the subject and launch into his more petty worries about the upcoming date as she sat back down to listen.

Next

[itsclydebitches]

Did I just saw with my own two eyes an episode, where Ted’s mother shows up and acts in this very disinterested “I am not interested in you and your achievements whatsoever, you are not even the main attraction of this trip and I’m going to tell you that in this indirect passive-aggressive way, but at the same time I AM here because I am displeased with you, now guess what’s wrong while I tell lies about you to your friends and colleagues. The lies that are kind of nice but also lies and it makes you feel uncomfortable and I do not care”.

And then Ted goes back to Kansas where he can’t have his career, his friends, but he will be in contact with Michelle (who dates their couple therapist, and that is something that makes Ted very uncomfortable) and mom???? Like? And Henry never asked him to return and in fact is not suffering at all. Henry is shown to be fine. He never has meltdowns when he leaves London, he doesn’t express any hurt feelings towards Ted. They seem to just have an unconventional arrangement and Henry misses Ted, but doesn’t feel neglected. It also seems like his mom just believes that Ted should be home with his son, an unassuming father who doesn’t have public panic attacks and causes her embarrassment??? Because the way she showed him the clippings from the papers?? Boy! I don’t know how else to interpret that tbh

Ted has just achieved one of the best moments in his career and his mom actively and purposefully poisoned that moment for him, this whole thing is being contrasted to Jamie’s mom, I just don’t believe that Ted is going to stay in Kansas. That can’t be.

Also I feel like the tedependance tinfoil hat is not a tinfoil hat at all because actually! Ted having suppressed a huge part about himself (bisexuality), and not being able to live his life because of his roots works really well here.

It's precisely readings like this that make me hope a permanent Kansas ending can't be possible and likewise believe that if that is our ending... Ted Lasso will have failed in a pretty significant way. Even just a few episodes ago I was fully on team, "I 100% don't want Ted to return to Kansas, but if he does I accept that this was an ending long in the making and just because I personally dislike it doesn't make it bad." Now though? They've introduced so much lately -- and emphasized so much else from past seasons, like Ted's rocky relationship with Michelle/Jake -- that I just can't read Kansas as a positive ending for Ted anymore. It's not just me and my preferences anymore, I don't think that ending fits the show, period. Is, in fact, a betrayal of everything Ted Lasso has argued for.

Ted's mom was a big part of that feeling this episode, as you've nicely laid out, anon. It's no coincidence that in an episode titled "Mom City," Ted's story with his mother does not run parallel to Jamie's (unfailingly supportive, knows him better than he knows himself, Jamie comes to her when he's ready, an act of agency that Dottie doesn't allow Ted), but rather closer to Jamie's dad. Which I don't mean as a way to say, "She's abusive!" but rather the more nuanced take that we end the episode on: You can forgive someone while still acknowledging that they've hurt you so badly. Ted, normally so polite with his "Oh boy"s and "Darn"s and "Shucks"s really says it all with a string of direct, angry, "Fuck you"s. That level of anger and disappointment will not be magically fixed with one dinner. By continually introducing Kansas-aligned characters that make Ted uncomfortable at best, uncharacteristically angry at worst, it HEAVILY sells the idea that the space itself is no longer healthy for him. He can slowly rebuild those relationships -- and arguably should -- but that's not the same thing as throwing himself back into their mix. Allowing Ted to stay in London with visits from his family is akin to Jamie remaining removed from his dad, but sending him a text on his own terms.

As for Henry, yeah. I've been arguing for ages that Henry does not act like someone who feels abandoned and the few arguments I've seen fans bring up aren't very persuasive to me. Basically, framing every normal child struggle as a result of Ted's distance. Henry being a short-term bully is not automatically some cry for attention tethered to an absent dad -- there's no evidence for that, especially when Henry uses Ted's own teachings to realize his mistake and apologize -- and him being sad with Beard is because he's finally seeing his dad and Ted is ignoring him. I'd be sad too if I hadn't seen someone in a while and they were spiraling instead of hanging with me. That doesn't mean I need them to drastically change their life to accommodate me in new ways. Henry as a character needs to be allowed to make mistakes without that automatically reflecting badly on what Ted has chosen for his own happiness and mental health. Anyway, yeah, Henry has consistently been shown to likewise be happy, well-adjusted, and fully engaged with Ted through visits/over Zoom, so this claim that Henry needs his dad in this way doesn't jive with three seasons of Henry flourishing through Ted's parenting this other way.

All of which means that, frankly, I think we should take Dottie's "Your son misses you" with a serious grain of salt. That's a damn broad statement because of COURSE Henry misses Ted and vice versa, but that basic reality of missing people in life when you're separated from them doesn't mean he misses him in the way that I think Dottie is implying: he's hurting to an extent that you need to fix in this specific way (moving back home). Beyond everything you've listed about how Dottie makes Ted uncomfortable, I think it's significant that she has Very Traditional Ideas about how this family should function. She couches it in a lot of humor and starts to demonstrate a bit more open-mindedness at the end of the episode, but we're still left with:

Telling all Ted's friends that he's done Amazing, Unique, Super Cool Things That are Objectively Impressive. To be clear, I found her interactions with the team as funny and surface-wholesome as we were supposed to, but I do think there was this underlying implication that Dottie is not as satisfied with Ted's choices as Ted himself is, so she 'accidentally' makes up stories that make him seem 'better' than he actually is. This is compounded by what you've pointed out, about how she only gives a cursory congratulations for this MONUMENTAL achievement. Compare that to Jamie's mom absolutely loosing her shit in support of him.

She brings the 'gift' of the clippings -- Ted should be GRATEFUL for this. Only a terrible son would be upset by a mother keeping track of his accomplishments! -- which not only include the headlines about the panic attacks, but she's situated them front and center, ensuring they're the first thing Ted sees. Combine that with her 'concerned' question about whether he's still getting panic attacks and you have this strong implication that Ted Is Bad For Showing Weakness. Men don't do that. The Lassos don't do that. They bury things in positivity, even the suicide of a father/husband. The fact that Ted immediately lies and says the panic attacks are gone says it all. He knows trying to explain this to her is a lost cause.

Speaking of mental health, are you really seeing that therapist? Oh, well, good for you, I guess. Me? No, no, no, I would never see one. I'm going to be suspicious of it to the point of implying that it's a flaw to need one. This is the one point where I cut Dottie a lot of slack because Ted himself went through the same arc of needing to accept the benefits of therapy, but we're nevertheless seeing where he (in part) got that biased perspective from.

There are a lot of throwaway lines that paint Dottie as a Good Traditional Mother, very much in contrast to Ted Lasso's queer, open-minded, gender roles-bending world. She continually reminds him that she is NOT having sex, it's those Australians. Why-ever would an older woman be having loud, enthusiastic sex? (Compare that to Rebecca nearly getting it on with the boat guy, a celebration of romance and sexuality for older women.) Dottie can't take the bed. That's not the polite thing to do. She needs to be coaxed into accepting even the simplest of care while, simultaneously, expecting Ted to offer it despite the inconvenience. (If I bring up the awful hostel I've been staying in you'll offer to let me crash here instead, right?). That's one of the big differences between Ted and his mother: Ted has a lot of trouble accepting help, but honestly doesn't expect anything in return for the intense kindness he doles out to others. In contrast, Dottie has trouble admitting that she's accepting help, she pretends to do the nice thing while waiting for someone to insist strongly enough that she do what she's wanted to do from the get-go, then she's off the hook because, well, they basically made her. Will Dottie go to a football game like Henry and Higgins and Rebecca and Keeley and Bex and all the other emotionally open characters, screaming for her son in the midst of chaotic action? Oh no. No, no, no, that's not for her. She'll just stay home and do the Proper Thing of making a home-cooked dinner for her little boy... while making him feel guilty about that by sending texts about how now she kinda does wish she was at the game. The conclusion to their moment of honesty and growth is Ted (a man, the child in the relationship) serving her (the woman, the mother) for once, which I think highlights how much of the Good Traditional Kansas Woman mask Dottie has learned to maintain.

All of which is to say that we've been introduced to a loving but incredibly flawed mother who puts a LOT of stock in old-school values and appearances. There's no way that this all doesn't extend to her views on Henry, her grandson. Right now, Dottie is not someone who can fully embrace Ted's nontraditional style of life (divorced, in therapy, taking some risks like drinking not-actually-drugged tea) or parenting (long-distance, "It takes a village"). She doesn't outright reject Ted's choices, but she does spend the entire episode being passive-aggressive, even manipulative at times, to make it very clear that she does not approve of all this. When she says, "Your son misses you" it reads as a very biased view of the situation, driven by the idea that no child could possibly be happy without that nuclear family living their white-picket fence life in the good old US-of-A. Ted needs to move back to Kansas not because of Henry, but because that's what Good Fathers Do. I don't think Dottie should be seen as a reliable source here for what Henry actually wants or needs. She certainly hasn't been a reliable source for Ted.

Which -- as said numerous times -- paints Kansas in an incredibly negative light. We haven't actually seen Ted in Kansas on the show, so our understanding of his relationship with that place is filtered through the people living there. Michelle, Jake, and Dottie are all emotional landmines that Ted still needs a lot of time to diffuse and Henry is written as perfectly content with their arrangement. If Ted permanently goes back to Kansas I'm really gonna be ????????????????????????????????? about it.

[the-bar-sinister]

Good & Evil in Ace Attorney

So one of the things I like to pick apart in a fictional narrative where good versus evil is a relevant theme, is how does the narrative depict the nature of evil, and what tools and mechanisms does it give the protagonists to combat it.

The Ace Attorney series absolutely thematically depicts a battle of good versus evil, and the narrative position that it takes is that:

good = the truth

and evil = lies.

In Ace Attorney the hard truth is always preferable to a soft lie. Characters who lie, and twist the truth– even to help someone, or for good reasons– are cast as making a choice to do something wrong– are bringing wrongness into the world. They are not effectively fighting evil. 

We can see this embodied with Simon who chooses to lie on behalf of Athena, and while this lie saves her it also is the narrative cause of her suffering and his sister's suffering. Not only this but he is literally visually shackled by his lie in the story– he's freed by the truth.

Ace Attorney also takes the position that the longer a lie goes undiscovered, the more harm that it does. A lie that's become integrated into the fabric of the world keeps people from healing from the results of harm– we can see this embodied heavily in Von Karma, and Edgeworth in the first game. Von Karma who is literally concealing the truth inside a wound in his body, and Edgeworth who is unable to move on and heal from his trauma until the truth of the matter is uncovered.

The mechanism with which the characters fight evil in the series is by discovering secrets and revealing lies, picking away at falsehoods and incorrect assumptions until only the truth, no matter how difficult to accept, remains. The narrative reality of Ace Attorney is that truth is good, that truth is healing and freeing, and that lies are like a rot or a cancer that destroy people.

The weapons by which the characters in Ace Attorney fight evil are logic and reasoning– but always tempered with faith and hope, but notice that the characters– especially Phoenix and Apollo– are motivated to pursue the truth even when it is against their best interests, and even when it looks like the truth is going to shatter their belief in someone they trust.

In Ace Attorney the battle of good and evil is presented as pursuing truth, to heal those who have been harmed and distorted by lies and false perceptions. The more serious the evil, the deeper and more ingrained in the fabric of the world the lie is. 

An ultimate battle between good and evil would potentially look like the protagonists digging up the truth in a truly ancient cold case– discovering a lie that has remained ingrained in the world for centuries, amplifying the pain of others and causing them to be unable to heal. This dovetails extremely well with the existence of literal actual ghosts and spirits in the story-- haunting the narrative until the truth is uncovered, and they can finally rest.

[chronicoverthinker]

A character analysis of Yoshiki cause he’s very dear to me 😔

I genuinely hope that as the story progresses we’ll get to learn more about Yoshiki’s father and the dynamics in the Tsujinaka household. Even tho we still don’t know the details we can see how much his father’s abusive tendencies ended up affecting Yoshiki , and mokmoklen is truly able to bring it out in a subtle but magnificent way in the things Yoshiki says , both about himself or others , and also in his relationship with “Hikaru”.

So, I’m not a psychology major myself but from personal experience I believe that Yoshiki presents symptoms of the so called fawn response. Fawning is also known as the “please-appease” syndrome, being mainly associated with people pleasing and codependency (see where I’m already going with this?). Usually these people seek safety by pleasing others as a way of avoiding conflict.

A possible reason as to why people might develop this syndrome is because they grew up in an abusive environment when they were little , maybe seeing one of their caretakers have outbursts of anger (we know that Yoshiki’s parents used to argue to such a degree that neighborhoods could hear them + if I remember correctly it is stated in the light novel that his father always used to slam his hands on the table and such).

As a consequence of this , he learnt that being good and pleasing his father would be the only way to guarantee his own survival. We see this happen in one of the flashbacks where his father grabs him (rather forcefully may I add) by the arm and Yoshiki just let it happen , knowing it’s best not to say anything. Even tho we can see how uncomfortable he looks with his father around.

People suffering from fawn response also have a hard time saying no , feeling guilty about expressing their own needs and feelings. Since growing up in an environment where you have to constantly walk around eggshells with others and where communication has never really been a thing , the things left unsaid make these people start believing that THEY might be the problem.

We see this happen in ch. 7. Now , I know that people will probably have various interpretations of THAT specific sequence of scenes , but personally I interpreted it as a metaphor for attempted r*pe or violation of some sort , with “Hikaru” trying to claim Yoshiki in the only way he knows , because he aches for him so damn much but he realizes that stealing Hikaru’s identity doesn’t make Yoshiki his in any way. He’s different from Hikaru and he can’t and shouldn’t expect to occupy the same spot as Hikaru previously did.

And even tho what “Hikaru” did is horrible , Yoshiki is still the one feeling bad about RIGHTFULLY trying to set some kind of boundary with “Hikaru”. He feels like HE is the one that should be apologizing for being harsh with him.

This brings me onto the next point which is being self-sacrificing , with Yoshiki quite literally feeling guilty for all the deaths happening most probably because of “Hikaru” and even deciding to share the burden of his possible next killings with him. Plus I would also add in what he said in ch.21 , where he literally states that he would give “Hikaru” his whole EVERYTHING if it meant that he could live somewhere as he pleased. He’s always thinking about others’ needs before his owns , deciding to share burdens that don’t have anything to do with him and he shouldn’t be carrying.

Other obvious trait very common in people suffering from this condition is having codependent relationships , which perfectly describes what he has with “Hikaru”. Hikaru is no longer here , so I’d rather have a fake around than having to live without him. This is what he says more or less in ch.1 , and it’s actually so heartbreaking to hear because Hikaru was quite literally Yoshiki’s light and source of comfort. He was the one always protecting Yoshiki and taking care of him. So when “Hikaru” goes “I bet you were crying not wanting for me to leave you” it is actually true , Yoshiki is no good without Hikaru! (or at least that’s what he thinks , but I swear you are baby 😭)

And even tho in ch.21 we see his journey of processing his grief for Hikaru’s death finally ending, he’s now becoming even more attached to “Hikaru” and getting all worried when he started thinking that maybe going back to the mountain might be the best option. You can clearly see his distress as he says “Didn’t you finally find the place you belong? You can’t do that. Let’s find another solution together”

Another thing is obviously the fact that he hates being scolded , especially when he’s so well behaved all the time like mokmoklen said.

I would also like to add the fact that he thinks so lowly of himself when he’s actually such a caring and kindhearted person. He says that he’s not sweet , and that he’s as hard on others like he is on himself. But as soon as Asako feels insecure about her hair he goes “I can definitely ask my mom since she’s a hairdresser” , we can see his kindness in the way he cares for his sister etc …

Anyways this was just me rambling about him because mokmoklen is able to write such beautiful characters and Yoshiki is literally my son

[orcinus-veterinarius]

hi, i learned about Tokitae/Sk'aliCh'elh-tenaut thought my engagement in Indigenous environmental justice projects and subsequently the Lummi's efforts to have her repatriated. i initially felt very strongly about this but since learning more from you about marine mammals in captivity and how awful the whole Keiko situation was, I'm no longer sure. what are feasible options for an orca as old as her assuming the priority is continued good health? is releasing a long-captive wild-caught orca something that necessarily ends badly?

Hello, thank you for asking! I've let this one sit for a while because it's a very sensitive subject. I'm not Indigenous, so obviously I cannot speak for the pain and injustice suffered by the Lummi people. Taking orcas from the Puget Sound was horribly cruel not only to the animals, but also to the people who have cherished them for millennia, and I don't want to diminish that in the slightest. I can only speak on the feasibility of actually returning Tokitae/Sk'aliCh'elh-tenaut/"Lolita" (who I'll refer to by her nickname "Toki") to her native waters.

Toki was estimated to be 4 years old when she captured in 1970. While calves only nurse for 1-2 years, she was very likely still socially dependent on her mom (who has never been confirmed to be Ocean Sun as is often claimed) at this time. She was sold to Miami Seaquarium in Septemer of the same year and placed in an undersized tank called the "Whale Bowl." She has not left that same pool in the 52 and a half years that have passed since. Furthermore, her mate, Hugo, died in March 1980, meaning she has not seen or communicated with another orca in 43 years. All of this is to say: she is quite literally the worst possible candidate for transfer to a sea pen.

But that doesn't seem to matter. Today, the Dolphin Company gave in to pressure from animal rights groups and the public and announced that Toki is going to be "released" to a sea pen.

It seems we learned nothing from Keiko's heartbreaking fate. At the very least, it seems that they plan to allow her to live out what little remains of her life in managed care, rather than attempting to completely release her as was done with Keiko.

I do not wish harm on Toki. More than anything, I hope this goes well, for her sake. But I, and every other animal care professional I've talked to, do not beleive it will. Toki is a geriatric animal in delicate health. She has spent half a century with extrememly minimal change in her environment, and she is going to be removed from her habitat in a sling, placed in a very large crate, driven to the airport, and flown clear across the country. Cetaceans are transported between facilities routinely, but they have to be in excellent health and are properly trained and desensitized to the process. Toki has never been transported, not once in her long life. I will be genuinely surprised if the shock of transport doesn't kill her. And if she survives the move, she is going to face a barage of pathogens she hasn't encountered in 50+ years the second she hits the water. While in an immunocompromised state due to her age and stress. Folks expect her ails to be magically cured once she's in her natural environment. Let me tell you that the opposite is true.

And if she dies, it will inevitably be blamed on her "years of captivity." No one will admit that this misguided experiment was the cause of her demise. They'll just say, "at least she died free!" Just like they say about Keiko.

And that doesn't even touch on how they plan to fund her ongoing care. Keiko was a beloved movie star, and the donations dried up shortly after he arrived in his sea pen. The general public just doesn't understand how nigh-impossible it is to "free" an animal that has spent decades upon decades in human care.

I'm terrified for Toki, and I'm terrified of the precedent this will set for other animals. I can only hope that AZA facilities with cetaceans buckle down to protect their animals from activists.

[blackladynerd]

My Gentlebeard Endgame Thoughts…(Analysis)

I preface by saying I want Gentlebeard endgame as much as everyone else but…

here’s why I think it might not happen.

It’s been established since season one that Stede and Edward (Blackbeard) are on different trajectories in life. When they meet, Blackbeard is already clearly tired of the pirating life even expressing an interest to Izzy that he was tired of life in general not just pirating. When Stede introduces him to the idea of retirement it excites him. His original plan to burn Stede’s face off was so that he could retire and have Izzy take over as captain.

While Stede, on the other hand, upon meeting Blackbeard is excited to learn from the best in the business so he can start to live as a pirate; his pirating life is only just beginning.

At the end of season one, Edward has completely shed his Blackbeard persona - beard and all. He is perfectly happy to give up the pirate life. This is expressed in his demeanor in the recruitment camp. He makes no effort to escape and eases into the life folding clothes and “playing things by ear.”

It is only when Edward believes Stede reciprocates his feelings that he plans the escape. He knows that normalcy/society won’t let them be together. However, his plan never involves them being pirates again. His plan is only to start over as new people in love.

We see a glimpse of what he hoped for when he returns to The Revenge. They would live a life at sea not pillaging and thieving but just…living, singing songs and enjoying each others company. Heck they might even put on talent shows. This is not the pirate life Stede would want/dreamed about.

So, of course season one ends w/ Edward heartbroken and returning to his Blackbeard persona. Yes, he’s heartbroken because Stede rejected him, but that’s not the only thing he’s devastated about. He is heartbroken by the idea that he’s trapped. He’s trapped in this life he no longer wants, playing a role he no longer wants to play. For him being Blackbeard is a lifelong fuckery, and he is mourning the life he imagined/desired for himself.

Into Season Two…

It is at the start of season two that we see Stede really doesn’t understand this.

As he’s talking to Edward’s wanted poster he admits that he’s less worried about Ed wanting to kill him and more worried that Ed’s life has been better off without him. He sees that wanted poster and the endless list of crimes as Ed “living his best life.” Being out on the seas committing crimes is what a pirate wants, right? He doesn’t view it as the hell it’s actually been.

We see that Edward at the start of season two is actually suffering. Again, it’s not just because of Stede but because he feels trapped in this endless pirating life. He is the seabird that never touches land. It’s this idea of being destined to an endless life at sea coupled with feeling unlovable that causes Edward’s suicidal thoughts from season one to return.

When Ed goes to purgatory we see those desires for retirement haven’t gone away. He wants the simple life as Jeff the innkeeper. It is the part he hates about himself (Captain Hornigold) that is keeping him from it - the pirate part of himself.

However, Stede is fully embracing the pirate parts of himself and is honestly improving as a captain. He found the crew shelter, planned a somewhat successful robbery, orchestrated a successful escape, managed to land a good punch, and even made a decent threat. On top of that we’ve seen he’s still actively seeking advice and taking notes from Izzy and Zheng Yi Sao.

Just like Stede didn’t see how much Ed was suffering as a pirate, Ed hasn’t seen how much Stede is growing/thriving as a pirate. For Ed he still views Stede as the “fragile” man he first met. Even as they’re reunited and reconciling, they still haven’t realized how much the other has changed or how different their goals are.

Conclusion

So…what happens when they’re forced to confront that they’re at different stages of life? Buttons told Ed that change was required in order to love properly/ fully, but how much are they willing or able to change for the other? Would Ed completely sacrifice his desire for retirement by staying at sea w/ Stede? Or would Stede give up his dreams of piracy to stay on land w/ Ed? I really don’t see either happening which is why I question a Gentlebeard endgame.

Who knows maybe they’ll be able to figure out a happy medium/compromise. I hope they do I love them together, but right now I’m not feeling so sure 🥺😕

End of rant. If you’ve read this far, thanks for indulging me.

[oumaheroes]

I need more brit bros in my life 🥺 pls, i am starving, i might succumb to the darkness and never return 😭

I will do anything for more brit bros please, i am down on my knees 🧎🏼‍♀️

~Izzy

Izzy, please don't starve, I know times are hard but I have a crumb for you 🙏 And longer things will come later, I promise

And Anon, I hope this fills your void too!

Characters: England, Northern Ireland

-----------

‘Why.’

‘You know why.’

‘What’s a shit answer.’

‘It’s a terrible question.’

‘Why.’

‘You know why, Sean.’ England clicked his tongue and sat up straighter in his seat. ‘You’re not seventeen.’

‘You’re right, I’m over a hundred.’

‘You don’t look seventeen.’

‘Oh come on, Art.’

‘Come on, Art? Come on, Ar- for fuck sake, “come on Art” what? You want me to change the law for you? Hmm? Somehow grant you special exemptions from what everyone else has to follow?’

‘Patrick would let me.’

England gave a sharp dark laugh, ‘On my roads? Sure. On his? You can fuck right off.’

‘Please.’

‘No.’ England said sharply, ‘You can drive on private land. You can go on youth courses. You can even go in an illegal Banger Race and burn out your needs there if that hell so suits you-‘

‘You’d never let me go in a Banger Race-‘

‘-but you are not getting a special driving licence. Not till you’re physically seventeen like everyone else.’

North groaned and dropped his head back against the headrest, ‘But I know how to drive.’

‘That tree you reversed into earlier says otherwise.’

‘It was a stump! I didn’t see it, it was too low down.’

‘So is a toddler.’

‘And toddlers won’t be running about the back of the car, will they!’

‘Look,’ England unclipped his seatbelt and turned to face North better, ‘Despite what you may think, I’m not being a hard arse. I’m not telling you no just to be cruel, or because I have a twisted sense of joy in your suffering-‘

North snorted.

‘-because woe betide you poor soul, with all of the perfectly good public transport available to you-‘

‘That’s not the point.’

‘I know it’s not the point.’ England put a hand on North’s shoulder, ‘The point is, you look too young. If you hit anything-‘ he gave North a warning look when he tried to interrupt, ‘-if you hit anything, or cause any sort of accident at all, then it’s going to be a legal and political nightmare. Doesn’t matter how old you are, or how well you can drive, it can’t be explained if anything goes wrong.’

‘It’s not fair.’ North said quietly. He ran his seatbelt between his thumb and forefinger. England’s old jeep hummed softly in the silence, the engine keeping the windows from misting up in the frigid January air.

‘I know it’s not.’

North wondered if England knew that he was talking about more than just the car, or being able to go out and drive one on the roads. It was the attached shackle of being trapped in a body that didn’t age, restricted by rules and milestones that he wouldn't be able to reach for an undefined time. Life unchanging and stunted by it. It was different from just being treated like the age of the face he wore, it was North being pinned in place by its rules.

His brothers had been physically far younger for far longer- North knew that without being told- but he was sure that they hadn't chafed against society as much as he did. Hadn’t been told no to everyday skills based on age alone. If they could physically do something, they did. Their bodies’ age hadn’t held them back from riding horses or sailing across oceans to die in wars they didn’t ask for, or that they did.

North couldn’t even drive to Tescos.

‘Come on.’ Evidently, the silence had stretched on too long for his brother to be comfortable. England squeezed North’s shoulder and clipped himself back in, ‘Let’s see how far we can get on what petrol we’ve got left.’

‘You mean until you get panicky when we get to half a tank and make us turn around.’ North pressed the clutch down and pushed the gearstick with some force into first. ‘You need to oil this.’

‘You’ve said. Three times.’

‘Well, it’s still stiff as shit, like.’

‘How on earth do you expect me to do anything about it now?’

‘Matt’s probably left some WD-40 in here somewhere.’

England chuckled, sounding fond, ‘Probably.’

Taking off the handbrake and releasing the clutch, North rolled the old jeep back onto the tiny road that ran through England’s rural estate.

As they drove, England began talking about something or other that was happening in London and North let his mind wander; the familiar tree lined roads and the early morning haze softening the sun making him feel lighter the further they drove. He was grateful that England hadn’t tried to push the issue, or convince him of anything. A change in the last twenty years that North was thankful for.

‘How about a pub lunch?’ England said after a time, ‘We’ll switch when we get near the B road and I’ll drive us to The White Hart.’

‘Will you let me get a pint this time?’

England pressed his lips together, ‘Only if you don’t tell Rhys.’

[admirableadmiranda]

Hello! How are you feeling? How's life training you?

I have come with another question, if you're up to it. (I'm sorry if I'm asking a bit too many questions.)

I read a fic yesterday that stated that Wei Wuxian caused thousands of souls from entering the rebirth cycle. That he killed souls indiscriminately. My assumption is that they took an accusation from The Untamed (fic was based on the live action) as fact. But is there any indication that any of the spirits or corpses used by Wei Wuxian were unable to reincarnate or not put to rest once he was done?

Hello! I’m doing okay, I’m getting over a cold, my tumblr inbox is suffering because life has been too busy for essay long questions but I promise I’ll get there eventually. I have a week coming up in March where I’ll just be at home on recovery so plenty of time will be there then!!

This one on the other hand (as long as you don’t mind me skipping the breakdown of souls in Chinese beliefs again) is pretty short.

So Wei Wuxian isn’t manipulating anything that wasn’t already trapped on earth to begin with. The part of the soul most needed to reincarnate dies and goes into the afterlife when the person does, and the leftover bits join them when the body is buried. This is why burial rites are really important and most all of our resentful spirits/corpses we see usually weren’t buried. That in and of itself makes an unhappy spirit that can’t move on and if given enough time, even burying it won’t help without additional work to deal with their spirit.

Wei Wuxian, contrary to popular belief (and I don’t even know if it’s a CQL error or people making shit up and using stuff in CQL to justify it) isn’t trapping anyone on earth. He’s actually helping get rid of the lingering resentful souls and stuff that’s busy being angry at still being in the world with his cultivation; spending time with dead flower girls who want to pass on their knowledge and enjoy being alive a little longer, helping souls who died violently get revenge on their killers so they can be at peace, letting them fulfill last wishes just as A-Qing keeping people out of Yi City and wanting Xue Yang dead was hers (even if she was cruelly shattered before he could finish the task). His guidao tends to be a net positive wherever he goes because he is working with the existing misery in the area and getting rid of it.

This is why in the war he had to make angry spirits by digging up bodies and aggravating them enough to create his army before people started dying. This is why in Qiongqi Path 2.0 Jin Zixun has his men remove every corpse or dead thing in miles so that Wei Wuxian is crippled. If there’s nothing there to work with, then he can’t cultivate. He can’t create resentment that doesn’t already exist.

Even in Wen Ning’s case, what he has done is bind his living soul to his dead body, but Wen Ning can still die again when he’s ready. Wen Ning is still around because Wen Ning isn’t ready to go. Wen Ning wants to live more, he’ll pass on when he’s ready.

So really anything about him ruining souls for reincarnation or pulling them out of the cycle is a load of bullshit usually based off of a complete lack of knowledge of how Chinese souls and ghosts work in general and then used to blame him for being who he is (and also usually used to exonerate villains I’m sure you’ve seen too)

Hope that helps!

[palms-upturned]

what’s the point of going ANY direction re: voting vs. not voting when every option seems like it’s bad and will cause you to do harm on the world? I’m so fucking scared and sick of everything. Unironically, I DO want some kind of revolution. I wish I could give myself over to some kind of underground resistance army who’s left society behind and committed themselves to eradicating genocide and capitalism and everything bad. Nothing else feels like enough. It feels like existence itself is a moral failing. There HAS to be more. I wish everyone could just be happy all the time forever. (Also, I was considering voting for/writing in the socialist candidate Claudia at the very minimum. Is this a moral failing or a good thing to do? I want to make sure…)

I think the first thing that you can do for yourself is let go of the need to be “morally” right. Everything will truly feel hopeless if you frame your politics that way. If you assign moral value to things that are outside of your control, that’s how you end up feeling that your own existence is immoral. And I know that’s easier said than done. I really do. But if you can do it, everything will become so much clearer.

It is not immoral to exist. It’s the most basic right that every other human right is based on. The right to live is the very thing that we’re fighting for. That right extends to you, too. And from a strategic standpoint, you can’t fight if you’re not here, right? So you learn to recognize the ways in which your life depends on the lives of others, you sit with that realization and how it makes you feel, and then you let it inform how you act. But the action is what’s important because the action is what brings change.

The way that you’re feeling right now, that fear and anger and grief, that wish for all of us to live happily in safety and dignity, that certainty that there has to be more than this, those are all things that are spurring you and others to act. But we have to be acting in service of the people who are suffering right now, rather than acting in service of our own feelings. Not because that’s what’s morally right, but because that’s the only way to change anything. The people of Palestine have been doing the work for over a century. They know best what needs to be done to achieve their own liberation. So what we have to do is listen and answer their calls to action. Otherwise, anything we do will be myopic and self-serving. The same goes for every liberation movement.

While I can’t exactly point you in the direction of an underground freedom fighter movement, I can tell you that there are already so many support networks around you. There are so many people who feel the way you do and who are not only willing to act, but have been doing so longer than you’ve been alive. Revolutions don’t just happen overnight, they’re the result of lifetimes worth of work. Get involved in local mutual aid networks, with labor organizing, with efforts to archive and share Palestinian culture and history. It will probably never feel like enough, because nothing will ever feel like enough until we’re all free. But if you’re doing everything that is within your power to do, then what more can be asked of you? And the more people you organize with, the more becomes within your power to do.

If you feel that there is a genuine strategic value in joining a write-in campaign for a socialist candidate in the election, then do it! If you get too tied up in whether or not it’s the most “moral” choice, you’re going to run yourself ragged in mental circles. Focus on the material reasons for your choices. It will make it easier to act.

Don’t lose hope. Even if liberation comes after we’re gone, it won’t happen without us. And I do believe that it will happen.

[zionchubby14]

I wasn't sure if I was going to make a post about this, but this is something I feel like I need to do, especially for those who know and care about me (I know, people care on here? That's crazy.). I'm definitely going to struggle typing this all out, but...here it goes.

_____

So over the past month (and quite possibly earlier), Mom has been dealing some abdominal pain that radiates to her back. The pain would be so bad that it would cause her to throw up at times. She barely ate and slept while this was going on. On January 6th, things finally came to a head and we made the call to take her to the hospital.

When she first came in, she was diagnosed as suffering from pancreatitis (for those who don't know, it's inflammation of the pancreas that, if left untreated, can cause a high amount of pain and nausea to the person. There's two types of pancreatitis: acute, which is very treatable and will go away after a while, and chronic, which will last a lot longer and hurt more). They were able to treat her and she felt better for a while, discharging her after 3 days. When they released her, they wanted her to get a endoscopy test done up at a hospital in Royal Oak. With neither Mom or I having a car, this was difficult for us to do. But we would come to know why soon enough.

Mom came home and for a day or two, she seemed fine. She ate well and was able to sleep soundly, which I thought was the important thing. But the pain and nausea eventually came back with a vengeance We tried every the hospital doctors had told us: heating pads, soft to liquid diet, pain patches. Nothing was working. Her primary care doctor even had her go on some antibiotics and a stronger pain med than she had, but nothing seemed to help matters. We took her back to the hospital this past Saturday, January 20th.

When we initially got there, after they had done a CT scan on Mom, they said that the pancreatitis was gone. But what was left was a mass on her pancreas. Scared and unsure as to what it may be, they admitted her and has been in the hospital since. On Tuesday, they took her to the University of Toledo Medical Center for the endoscopy and see what the mass might be. They did the scope and drew fluid from the mass for testing.

On Wednesday, we get the news that it is cancer. More precisely, metastatic pancreatic adenocarcinoma. In layman's terms, it's Stage IV pancreatic cancer, not curable.

I could not believe it...

We don't really know how long she may have left, but the rough and harsh estimate is less than 6 months...

Needless to say, I broke down, not in front of Mom or my brothers (who have been with Mom and I throughout this whole thing).

I can't imagine being here on Earth without Mom and I'm somehow going to have to figure out how to...I panicked and wanted to run away...a moment of weakness...

I don't know what will happen between now and the inevitable day, but we all agreed that we're going to try and make the most out of the days she does have left. I know that there will be bad days ahead, and there'll be good days as well.

But it's tough, knowing that the last few years I've been taking care of her (and complaining about her behavior, which is making me feel guilty about, now that this is happening) and it's going to come to an end.

_____

I know this isn't the greatest of things to post on here, but I needed some therapeutic way to get some of the emotions I am feeling right now out and to inform you all of what has been going on. I thank you all for the thoughts and positive vibes before and coming in the future. It's going to be a rough time ahead and I hope you will all bear with me in the meantime.

I love you all.

[hirik0]

Save with you part 6

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5

09Soap/Ghost, Omegaverse, Alpha Soap, Omega Ghost

3 days till heat

Ghost hates this. Soaps short uncomplicated 1 week mission is forced to take longer because of the weather. And his heat is approaching, he just thought about to make his nest in Soaps bed, but he then basically stolle all his bed sheets and a big amount of clothes from Soaps room. He collectets the thinks if the other members of the 141 and is in the process of building his nest. Roach just walked in the room, looking a bit pale. "You okey Roach?", Ghost ask while thinking about what clothing item to put where. "Yeah, I fuck, I'm hear to ofer to stay with you till Soap is back, because he will not make it in time", Roach says and Ghost is looking at him confused. "I thought that's clear", Ghost answers dumbfounded, he hasn't ask Roach for clothes because of this. "Oh, good but we need to talk about boundaries again", Roach stammers out. "Why?", Ghost ask confused. "Because Soap is courting you now. Ghost just listen to me. Nothing sexual will happen between us", Roach says his face turning red, out of emberasiment and rage caused by the envy that Ghost is chossing Soap over him. Even if he know that Ghost wants Soap, part of him started to hope that Ghost maybe would chosse him, they are cuddeling every night at this point, the constant purring of Ghost lulling him in to his sleep. A evil little part of his brain he don't even know about till now is telling him this is his chance he will be here when Ghost goes in heat not fucking Soap. Ghost blinks a few times before continuing to build the perfect nest, big enough for 3 people, what is quite the work with such a small bed. "Okey." Ghost says a bit mechanical covering up the hurt that Roach rejected him. The realisation he wants both Roach and Soap hit him one morning in Roachs bed and there was no time to talk about it with Soap or Roach. "No begging for more, you will wait till Soap is here. We will just cuddel ", Roach makes his point clear, hating he has to say it. "Yeah, I mean he will be back in 6 days and I dont think things will be that bad that I will start begging for a knot at day 1." Roach flinches at this it sounds awfully like famous last words. "I will leave before Soap comes in." "Okey. Anything else?" "You didn't ask for cloths from me, why?" "Do I need them if youre staying here?", Ghost ask confused before adding. "I can put in some of the cloths you wear when my head starts." Roach nods at this they can do this with out getting his heart broken. "Oh and Ghost no removing of the collar, only Soap is allowed to take it of." Ghost nods and automatically touches the leather collar that Soap gave him the day before he left for the mission. It is a very simple dark blue collar, he haven't take it off since so why would he in his heat?

1 day till heat

Ghost feels the heat is about to hit him. He is just standing for the 5th time in Soaps empty office today, looking for his Alpha just to be reminded that Soap is still away. He also feels dread and fear building up. Roach, is also nervous, nervous that Soap will finally rip him apart. They had no time to talk about this, but he's the only Alpha at base that Ghost trusting and their time runs out. He just returned from a run to the supermarket getting Ghost favourite foods and enough to drink because Ghost has to suffer to several days of heat with out his Alpha and will need all the hydration. A other problem he had never spend a heat with a Omega joining the military at 18 and only having Alpha siblings. This will end a disaster he feels it his emotions also are all over the place. Ghost is always asking him what bad think could happen several time today, but Roach has the feeling that spending the first heat of a Omega after years of no heat would melt the brain of any Alpha no matter the experience. He got meds from Dr. Hastings that should help him to not get affected by the heat, but she also says to call the second he notices them failing, not even she beeing sure if they will work. They all also agreed to not tell Soap till he's back on base, so that he can focus on the mission, Soap ending up in medical, the worst case scenario. When the day ends Ghost is uneasy, wearing on of Soaps hoodies to be covert in his scent, but its not helping the smell of Roba still haunts him. "You okey Simon?", Roach ask when he enters the room. Seeing the Omega cureld up on the bed. "I.. still can smell Roba", Ghost answers making a gagging sound in disgust. Roach puts his bag on the desk before changing in his sleep cloths, offering the shirt and face mask he whore to Ghost to smell. And Ghost is purring at him, still looking like he's unhappy. "When comes Soap back?", Ghost ask who is hiding in his room since lunch. "3 days, he will be here as soon as he finished post mission routine", Roach assures before climbing in the nest and Ghost just curles himself around him. "I have Dr. Hastings on speed dial, if you think you can't handel it" Roach says in to Ghost hair, getting a smell of lemon in his nose. Ghost just nods nuzzling his face close to Roachs mating glant. "Simon?", Roach ask nervous hope filling him that hes not missinterpreating this. "Helps", Ghost give a one word answer, getting tiered and slowly starting to feel save surrounded by the smell of the two Alphas, slowly chasing away the memories of Roba. Roach just gets a uneasy feeling, that this will be the most intense 3 days of his life and his heart getting shatered in million of pieces in the end.

Heat day 2

Ghost is to hot, but he refuses to take of Soaps hoodies that's sticking to his skin because of the sweating. "Gary, make it stop", he whines not able to take it much longer feeling like he's burning from the inside out. "Just talked to Scarcrow they will be back tomorrow you can do it", Roach says before taking the next dosis of his meds. "No, its to long, I'm so empty Roach", more whining from Ghost tears filling up his eyes. A new gush of slick is running all over Ghost legs, making them shine because of how wet they are. It's like Ghost body tries to produce the amount of slick of the past 7 years. Roach had a call with medical about it and they told him to make sure that Ghost is drinking enough. And it's getting hard for Gary to not give in to Ghost begging his instincts howling at him for not taking proper care of the Omega. His feelings are a rollercoaster and hes exhausted. "You can use a toy, I will give you some privacy", Roach answers staying firm on his no sexual things rule, feeling how his disciplineis slowly worn down by the scent of lemon and liquorice. "No want a real knot." "The person the knot is attached to will be here tomorrow, your doing good Simon, just a little bit longer", Roach tells him, feeling how hes getting hard, fuck, abort mission. Abort mission! He needs to call Dr. Hastings the meds are failing, but suddenly a body is pressing against him, Ghost has left his nest. "Please Roach, Soap will understand", Ghost wispers in his ear desprade for release. "I dont think he will." Ghost hands roam down his body, getting closer and closer to his dick. "Simon stop, that against the rules we agreed on", Roach scolds pealing himself out of Ghost embrace, its feeling like one of the hardest thinks he had to do. "I hate the rules" Ghost whines before dropping down on the bed pouting. "I know, Simon but just a little bit longer", Roach says before opening a window dialing Dr. Hastings. Just 24 hours before Soap returns they can do this and then talk about what happend when Ghost brain is not melting because he's horny.

[randomsebs]

For me, it’s less that she’s a “Zionist” (which is just a straight-up antisemitic term) and more that she actually doesn’t care, period. Her posts mean nothing. She flip flops. IMO, hurting for the hostages doesn’t make you a Zionist. Those people were put in that position because their government failed them. I mourn their lives because they deserved better. Bones doesn’t actually mourn them, or those suffering in Palestine. She. Doesn’t. Care. She is evil and hollow and USES tragedy to make herself look like some angelic, perfect being. She’s a sick, self-obsessed, rotten person. People like her make my blood boil.

I think it’s shameful that Sebastian has allowed her into his life in any capacity, and this is coming from someone who believes they are PR. He is a grown man who makes his own decisions. And while I do believe that he’s being advised and (at times) forced to be part of this, I think it’s gross that he is so obsessed with his career that he would allow a situation like this to go on for so long.

!!!!

You are totally right. He is a grown man.

Honestly at least he broke up with Alejandra after what she did, but he’s changed. It’s very visible that he has. Whatever the cause may be - whether if he’s forced into it, the contract isn’t expired yet, etc, it’s a shame. If he is struggling to get out of there he can try to get some help, any form of it. His godmother doesn’t even like her so I doubt his actual mom does either 🤣

The thing is - the people that support this relationship/most of his fans… are giving HER the attention instead of HIM, when it’s HIS fandom, which could also be fueling her giant ego, and feeding her fame. That’s why she’s getting jobs , obviously , because that’s the whole thing about the contract. It’s just to get more jobs. I wish I could just send the things she’s done to him, it’ll make it easier, but we can’t do that. I have to try and get people to come together and put an end to this egomaniac lady, let her go onto the next man, she’ll also end up with the same reaction from that persons fandom.

After this is all over, I hope he’ll be the same. If this relationship goes on for any longer, the Sebastian WE all know might just end up like Chris pine: used and aged (- which is a normal thing, but lately Sebastian has been aging fast. It’s from stress. When he’s with the correct people he looks younger because he’s happier).

This whole relationship is sickening. I heard one time Sebastian fired one of his team members because they were racist, so why doesn’t he do it to her?! She has no emotion, no personality, shes practically a cold-blooded-lizard, she’s just a bad person. She basically promoted his fans DOXXING him (she hinted out where he lived) so he had to move AGAIN.

She’s a sick, sick woman. She needs to be humbled and karma needs to come already, it’s been going on for way too long.

Plus let’s not forget how she got 3 jobs this year, since she broken up with pine in 2022? Strange??? She’s just started to sky rocket in fame, it’s working. She’s gonna try and make him extend the contract, which I hope he doesn’t. If he gets nominated, I’m sure they’ll have to extend it for HER gain. He gets nothing from it but a small pay probably. I honestly feel bad, it’s clearly destroying him and all the shippers say “he’s never looked better/happier/more in love!!” Excuse me? How can you look at their photos and say: “ah yes, their body language tells me they’re madly in love”. No. It’s more like he’s trying to force a happy face, but in fact it’s not working. He’s more in love with his co-stars than with her. Ever notice?

[bi-kisses]

I wanted to thank you for the post you just made about detrans people, I really needed to hear that support right now since we don't really get much empathy these days. People just talk about us as statistics and bargaining chips and not really as people, it feels like. I won't pretend to know everything about the detrans/desist circles since I'm still new to it myself but I've experienced enough that so far anytime I see someone talking about detrans it's usually to win arguments or they only talk about misdiagnosed detransitioners, and those of us who were correctly diagnosed and are and always have been sex dysphoric get ignored. I guess we don't really 'fit' anyone's argument well enough for them to want to acknowledge us. It's a really sucky life to live for lack of a more formal wording; the only treatment that's really out there for this dysphoria is transitioning and when it doesn't work, it's a very bleak way to live. I never really understood why some people years into their transitions are still nearly as miserable as before they started or still attempt suicide, but now I do. I don't mean to vent or traumadump too much, for a little context as insight on a personal example: I had an unsuccessful transition. I was transitioned as a minor and now in my 20s I suffer from health complications, mostly regarding my heart and hemoglobin and all that (I've had heart palpitations/irregular heartbeat since I was 19 or 20), and I can no longer continue medically transitioning unless I want to see an early cardiac arrest or death from its worsening. The doctors that gave me transition treatment will not give me detransition treatment nor referrals so I'm on my own now. Not to mention I am stuck looking like a teenage boy and will never be able to look like a fully grown man which causes a lot of dysphoria and pain since the only reason I transitioned was to be a man, not to be a forever teenager. I don't regret the transition's effects of masculinizing me, if anything I wish there were more, but it's been 10 years so there's no more to be gained. At this point if I detransitioned fully I don't think I'd look like a woman either so I'm pretty much stuck suffering no matter what I do or don't do next in terms of continuing or stopping social aspects of my transition. I'm not sure if it's because I was transitioned too young or because I just have shit genes, but this is my situation and it is permanent.

Anyway, I'm sure there are many other detransitioners/desistors out there like me in similar situations. It's our lives, our realities, and it's a lot of suffering to have ignored and not have much support for. Not to mention how it's pretty much impossible to talk to friends and family about for fear of them lashing out that they think you 'betrayed' them or 'lied' or 'made a stupid mistake' so we don't have a lot of safe places to talk about this kind of thing. I even feel like I have to stay on anon to be able to safely talk about this here.

My heart goes out to you, and idk if it's any comfort but I have for sure seen several people in similar situations where they ARE dysphoric and would love to live as the opposite sex but it just isn't viable. Usually it's seen with trans women, as transitioning from male to female is notoriously luck dependent genetically speaking, but health issues have impeded trans guys I've known too.

I can't believe you aren't able to receive medical support for your detransition, that's fucking awful and those doctors should be held accountable for not providing what is, imo, a necessary service to help you live in a comfortable and healthy manor.

I'm not detrans, but I have a pretty fucking irritating health condition that makes my day to day really uncomfortable. I totally understand that helplessness. Doctors have been useless to me so far (I'm on, like, my third different specialist just hoping this one figures out what's wrong). Sometimes all we can do is figure out what works so that each day is worth getting through, even if we can't live in an ideal way.

Lots of love for you and I hope things get better soon. Feel free to reach out anytime.

[kinghijinx22]

Full release of new character Black Dahlia finally added to Skullgirls!!!

So they finally added Black Dahlia to Skullgirls proper and as I mentioned in my last post, I picked up the game again and played her story mode which I've been really looking forward to. Before I did that however I replayed her to get used to the game again and noticed that they were different, I imagine to reflect the current version of the character to show any new stuff she can do. Biggest differences I noticed were the sticky bomb super now causing a stagger, which means that it breaks frozen enemies free from the ice. What's cool about it is that it stands up enemies who are a bit off the ground or a being stunned by something else which is very useful. Still very fun and versatile character to play as.

So yes I played her story and it was really good. She's actually a surprisingly deep character that goes beyond psycho gun hand murder granny. Don't get me wrong I love that aspect of her character, but it was interesting getting to really see what she's really like. Her conversations with the Skullheart get quite philosophical as they discuss what she really wants, and how Ms Fortune of all characters seem to represent some sort of hope to her. Black Dahlia clearly has a tragic past and it led her to where she is now, and she believes that others are inevitably doomed to follow a similar path. But the fact that she wants to proven wrong, and she wants to see someone who can suffer so much but still power through as the same person makes her really interesting. Ms Fortune represented that hope to be proven wrong but it's snuffed out once Brain Drain kills her. And it's that, along with Lorenzo not shutting up that leads to her finally making a wish the Skullheart she's been keeping around, essentially turning the world into a hell where people are forced to confront the worst things possible and where she and her bunnies can quench their blood lust with an endless war.

I loved getting more insight into Black Dahlia's relationship with her bunnies and their origins which was interesting. I also love that she's pretty explicitly sapphic and polyamorous and that all the bunnies are massive simps for her. Badass murder granny gets all the action and so she should. I really like that a lot of this story was Black Dahlia actually just murdering a lot of the cast, which was very much expected. She is very scary and very clearly one of the strongest characters in the lore. Killing Lorenzo was certainly an expected but awesome twist though, along with what came after that. What interesting about the wish she makes is that it kind of defeats the Skullheart, creating a world in which the heart is no longer needed. And so it disappears and Black Dahlia is the only one to permanently defeat the Skullheart which is pretty wild. One last thing is the post credits scene in which we get to see Aeon and Venus again, playing the universe like a game like they were in Double's ending. There's some pretty interesting lore implications there, where they talk about the timelines again as well as the universe outside of where they are with Venus wanting to go outside and Aeon wanting to stay in an continuing player her games. Really interesting stuff, I wonder what's going on outside of that and if it's going to lead anywhere.

I think my only complaint about the story was Squigly kind of just treated as almost a non threat and that she's killed by Dahlia in a very dismissive way. Not quite the epic showdown I was expecting from these two, but at the same time there something about that kind of worked as well. It was a real "but for me it was a Tuesday" moment. Like Black Dahlia spends the whole story killing the others characters in anticlimactic ways, and it kind of shows how above it all she is. She's done so much and killed so many people at this point that you have these people like Squigly who have this massive grudge against, but to Black Dahlia Squigly and her parents were just another job. If I had another complaint that is more of an actual complaint it's that I really wanted to see some sort of interaction between Dahlia and Peacock. Seeing the two of them have a showdown in Peacock's ending really made me want to see a fight between them. Oh well, those are pretty much all my complaints and the story was still all around amazing.

So yeah all around really happy with Black Dahlia's inclusion on the roster. I love her as a character and just how scary and badass she is. Also just how casually evil she is, but also surprisingly complex with her motivations and how she views the world. Top 4 character along with Parasoul, Peacock and Eliza. Maybe even overtaking Eliza as my third favourite. Really fun character to play as too, still love her style and her combos are really satisfying. Had a lot of fun coming back to this game, Skullgirls is a game that in a lot of ways feels like it was made for me and is definitely my favourite fighting game of all time.

[lickthecowhappy]

Playlist Analysis: #3 - Love Like You

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#3. Love Like You – Rebecca Sugar

This is an Aziraphale song.

If you are already familiar with this song, I need you to forget all about its context. Steven Universe is irrelevant in this analysis despite some similarities in overall story themes. 

Overview:

This song is my Companion to Owls song. It’s introspective, it’s about learning to love not only oneself, but to love in a way that is deeper than the shallowness of selfish affection, and it’s about companionship. 

I say this is my Companion to Owls song, but it could apply to so many periods in the relationship, even ones we haven’t or may never see. This song could just as easily apply to the end of season 2, it fits when you look at the lyrics on their surface, but when I hear it in the context of this playlist, I see that scene on the rock looking out at the water. This is why it’s #3. 

When they first meet at Job’s they confirm they haven’t seen one another since the flood. At the flood, Aziraphale was clearly upset that all the humans would drown. Crowley expressed explicit concern for the children. We don’t know what happened after their exchange, but I suspect Crowley saved at least some children from drowning. Cursing some poor family by turning their children into animals certainly wouldn’t be objectionable to his head office. And if the animal he chose could outrun a storm, well who is to say that wasn’t a coincidence? Clearly he has some sort of a plan to save Job’s children, but Aziraphale doesn’t see it at first.

After the events with Job, Aziraphale was deeply troubled. He had been told during his attempts to stop it and in no uncertain terms that the destruction of all of Job’s possessions and children had been ordained by God. While his lie about misplacing his sword wasn’t exactly thwarting the will of God, his lies to the archangels about Job's children were. He entered the scene bathed in holy light, attempting to “avaunt!” the evil doer. Before he exited the scene, he believed he was the evil doer. 

Michael Sheen said that in his mind an angel is a being of love. Aziraphale verbalizes that he senses love twice in season 1. The Celestial Hierarchy describes spiritual beings as having “a Divine love of the immaterial, above expression and thought.” This is not the kind of love I think of when I hear this song. I think of the kind of love that requires action. The kind of love that doesn’t just happen and isn’t just easy. Not a kind of “love” that suffers abuse, mind you, but a kind that suffers in its own existence.

Lyrics:

If I could begin to be Half of what you think of me I could do about anything I could even learn how to love

By the time they’re sat together at the end of the Companion to Owls portion, Aziraphale and Crowley have both seen one another for who they really are. Crowley is no longer alone in his desire to do what’s right, and Aziraphale now has someone to help him be the kind of person who does the right thing no matter what. Crowley reassures and quietly sits with Aziraphale as he reconciles who he is expected to be and who he has chosen to be. Crowley’s presence and understanding, as well as his actions done in secret, have inspired Aziraphale to be a better person. He can learn to take action for his love of the world.

When I see the way you act Wondering when I'm coming back I could do about anything I could even learn how to love like you

Crowley does wait respectfully for Aziraphale to return from checking the contract, maybe even hoping he would find something to stop him. But this verse more fits for the rest of their relationship. At some point Aziraphale realizes that Crowley has real affection for him and that must encourage him to live up to his expectations. 

I always thought I might be bad Now I'm sure that it's true 'Cause I think you're so good And I'm nothing like you

This demon goes along with Hell as far as he can. The rest of the time he’s doing kindnesses in secret. The Christian Bible, Matthew 6:2-4 (not yet written at the time of Job) says “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” Crowley is by no means doing the right thing to get on the Almighty’s good side, or to be rewarded in any way. But he IS doing it in secret, unlike Aziraphale who appears to stop him with a grand entrance, trumpeting his arrival to do Good™. Aziraphale has been worried since Eden that he’s done the Wrong™ thing and now he sees that inaction was the wrong thing all along. He sees Crowley has been doing the right thing and now he can be like that too. 

Look at you go I just adore you I wish that I knew What makes you think I'm so special

Look at Aziraphale look at Crowley any time after this. He was always polite and cordial seeing a familiar face, but he’s pretty thrilled from this point on. (A bit like how Crowley looked bumping into Aziraphale before the flood if you ask me...) He adores and admires Crowley, but he is still a bit reserved because they are on opposite sides, after all.

If I could begin to do Something that does right by you I would do about anything I would even learn how to love

How do you repay someone who has done something to make you a better person? The love you can give them is part of it, but as I mentioned before, it’s not just easy love and not a divine love for all things that we’re talking about here. To quote Buttons, “To love the sea as she must be loved requires change.” To do right by Crowley, Aziraphale has to change. He has to learn to love the way Crowley loves.

When I see the way you look Shaken by how long it took I could do about anything I could even learn how to love like you

This verse teleports me to the end of season 2. Crowley has been through it over the years. In the last few years specifically, his best friend was discorporated, they were both threatened with annihilation, and they faced more threats from both sides due to Jim. He is shaken. He is afraid of losing what he has. He just wants to finally relax and go have brunch with his favorite being. To get back to that comfortable state they were in for just a few sweet moments. But his fear prevents him from getting too close, too open about the past that still haunts him and the dangers they face as a pair. Neither party has communicated clearly, and by the time they communicate anything at all, it’s too carefully layered in coded language, and far too rushed for anything to be understood properly. Aziraphale saw Crowley shaken and now he knows he must learn to love in a way that takes work, that hurts, and that will change him. 

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