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pixiemage · 2 years

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5, 17, and 43 for the fic ask game!

[For the Fanfiction Writing Ask Game]

Three questions??? You spoil me! <3 I think I'll need a Read More for this one my friend xD

Hahaha! Ha! Ha.

Many. So, so many.

I have a bad habit of starting projects and not finishing them, so I have a plethora scattered throughout my Google Docs files that are anywhere from multiple pages of unposted fic, all the way down to single-sentence unused prompts. Sometimes I left them behind because I lost motivation, sometimes my hyperfixation shifted and I (sadly) couldn't focus on that fandom anymore.

But let's see...uh....I glanced through my older stuff first just to see. But for now I think I'm just gonna count what I'm either actively working on, or what I wish to continue when my motivation returns...because if you counted all the abandoned WIP's I've gathered over the years, I think the number would be close to 30, and I don't want to list them all up here. (Maybe I'll drop it at the bottom of this post if you're curious***)

For one, I have two IronDad fics I plan on finishing: one that's a shorter Mafia AU that's 2/3 complete, and a much longer (and heftier) multi-chapter fic that has been awaiting a new chapter for over a year I think. A Little Late On The Blood Work my beloved...I'll come back when I get inspiration again 🥺💞 I also have an old Jacksepticeye Egos fic called #SamLives that I've been wanting to continue for ages but haven't, along with a Night at the Museum fic (Jedtavius) that I at least need to finish the current arc for because the comment section is sad.

And MOST recently I've got a bunch for Hermitcraft/Empires/Traffic Life that I'm in the process of actively writing...which I believe add up to a total of six?? I think? THREE are partially posted/being updated (Through a Crack in the Void, Domino Effect, There's Not a Word Yet), and the OTHER three (two Team Rancher, one that's literally Every Ship Under The Sun With Some Found Family On Top) aren't gonna be on my plate until I finish some of the other ones.

17. Do you have a writing routine?

Not really! Usually once I get an idea, I just - jump in. If I get stuck and want to skip something just to keep the writing ball rolling, I'll throw one of these in the middle of the page: ASDJNAKFBEKAJBA ...and just leave it for later. It's bold, red, and easy to spot when I'm scrolling through a long document, which is nice! It helps make sure no blank spots get missed in editing! (I also red-dye words, sentences, or paragraphs I'm feeling shaky on, so I can spot them easily and come back later when I get a better idea to fix it.) And if I decide to completely change a section I'm writing, I'll often copy the original version, paste it at the bottom of the doc in case I decide to change it back, and turn it a pastel color so I don't confuse old versions for the current text.

I also sometimes make calendars on Excel/Sheets if I really wanna keep track of time, and I often have a separate (and somewhat disorganized) doc for Notes on my longer fics. There's also a document where I write down potential lyrics options for There's Not a Word Yet chapter titles, but that's the only time I've done that for a fic.

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

I feel like someone asked me this a while back, so I've definitely thought about this! But honestly? A mystery or a time-travel fix-it...which I am well aware are two VASTLY different tropes lmao.

I've always been envious and in awe of well-written mystery/detective stories, because so many little details go into them to make them work. I'd love to build one of my own someday, but I have yet to find the right motivation to do so.

As far as time-travel fix-its go...they're just...they're so fun to read, because I love to see how one little change can affect an entire timeline (see also: Domino Effect) but they're also a LOT of work to write because it involved basically retelling a story that's already been written but in your own words and with a twist. Somehow writing something fully original comes easier to me than trying to build my writing around something else that already exists. But god I'd love to have the motivation to write one of 'em anyway! It'd be fun to decide how everything changes all because of one little difference in choice :3

5. How many WIPs do you have? What fandoms/pairings are they for?

Hahaha! Ha! Ha.

Many. So, so many.

I have a bad habit of starting projects and not finishing them, so I have a plethora scattered throughout my Google Docs files that are anywhere from multiple pages of unposted fic, all the way down to single-sentence unused prompts. Sometimes I left them behind because I lost motivation, though most times my hyperfixation shifted and I (sadly) couldn't focus on that fandom anymore.

But let's see...uh....I glanced through my older stuff first just to check for this hah. But for now I think I'm just gonna count what I'm either actively working on, or what I wish to continue when my motivation returns...because if you counted all the abandoned WIP's I've gathered over the years, I think the number would be close to 30, and I don't want to list them all up here. (But I'll drop it at the bottom of this post if you're curious***)

For one, I have two Marvel/IronDad fics I plan on finishing: one that's a shorter Mafia AU that's 2/3 complete, and a much longer (and heftier) multi-chapter fic that has been awaiting a new chapter for over a year I think. A Little Late On The Blood Work my beloved...I'll come back when I get inspiration again 🥺💞 I also have an old Jacksepticeye Egos fic called #SamLives that I've been wanting to continue for ages but haven't, along with a Night at the Museum fic (Jedtavius) that I at least need to finish the current arc for because the comment section is sad.

And MOST recently I've got a bunch for Hermitcraft/Empires/Traffic Life that I'm in the process of actively writing...which I believe add up to a total of six?? I think? THREE are partially posted/being updated (Through a Crack in the Void, Domino Effect, There's Not a Word Yet), and the OTHER three (two Team Rancher, and one that's literally Every Ship Under The Sun With Some Found Family On Top) aren't gonna be on my plate until I finish some of the other ones.

(One of them is a cute 5+1 one-shot about Tango calling Jimmy "buddy" and Jimmy learning that "buddy" has a lot of different meanings depending on how Tango says it and who he's saying it to. The second one is an extension of a one-shot I already posted called Coming, Coming Home, where S8 HASA!Tango crash-lands in the mesa outside Tumble Town, and like - yeah. Yeah. I'd love to continue that one. And the LAST one is a Double-Life-based Witches/Familiars AU that started as Renchanting Duo and has since extended to every member of the Life series and even some Hermits.)

***ALL THE OLDER FICS I HAVE YET TO COMPLETE: I've got one for Doctor Who, a handful for JSE Egos - #SamLives - one for Night at the Museum, one for Encanto. Six for Marvel/IronDad (including a Mafia fic, a SPN AU, a Peter-gets-shot and Tony-goes-dad-mode hurt/comfort, and A Little Late On the Blood Work which as I said I'm just longing to get inspiration to return to). A witch/familiar Supernatural AU fic and an SPN time travel fix-it that I barely started. There's a TangoTek one-shot I've abandoned featuring his rage moments from both LL and DL. I also have an old fic from high school for a game called Ib that I'd love to revamp someday...and my Original FanFic that started it all, which was for Harry Potter, and I was like 12, and it will never EVER see the light of day. My god. It's...it's rough.

#I'd apologize for the length but YOU ASKED ME THREE QUESTIONS #and the last one was a DOOZY #Ask the Mage #Fanfiction Writing Ask Game #Ask Game #unpredictably-ghostly asks

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cheri-translates · 4 years

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[CN] Gavin’s S2 R&S - Inevitable

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers from an R&S (不可抗力) which has not been released in English servers!🍒

This R&S features S2 Gavin!

It is incredibly important to read Ch 9 Part One before embarking on this!

[ Chapter One ]

At midnight, a young man makes a turn at a secluded alley, walking into a small hotel that’s still open for business.

He walks around the main hall, and straight into the innermost booth. The sound of shuffling in the night is continuous, and the dealer holds a cigarette in his mouth, drawing a card.

A hand suddenly approaches, and the muzzle of a gun covers his temple.

"How long will it take for you to finish this round?" Gavin’s voice is calm, fingers exerting more pressure on the trigger.

The others are so frightened that they rush out. With no way out, the man suddenly whips out a knife and swings it at Gavin. Gavin grabs his wrist, the other hand reaching for the handcuffs.

All of a sudden, a voice rings in his head: Don’t get hurt, and don't ignore the consequences. If he were to do this, it seems someone would be very sad. He doesn’t seem to want to make that person sad either.

In that second of distraction, the knife glinting with a cold light in the man’s hand slices the area between Gavin’s thumb and index finger. The thoughts in his mind accumulate amidst the pain. Gavin gathers some strength in his palm, a raging gale rolling up the battered tables and chairs. The man’s gaze turns frightened...

Three minutes later, the man, who was puffed up with pride earlier, is firmly handcuffed and kneeling on the ground, begging for mercy.

Gavin pushes the person out of the booth, and the colleague responsible for providing assistance steps forward, escorting the person into the police car.

In the main hall, the little girl who was clapping her hands and singing the birthday song earlier has burst into tears, shocked by the sight before her. Her mother comforts her. "Don't be afraid, darling. This is the Special Police Uncle who catches bad men and is here to protect us.

After glancing at him, the little girl cries even more fiercely.

Gavin nods to the girl’s mother apologetically, then walks towards the claw machine at the entrance of the hotel. After a short while, he returns, hugging the largest doll in his arms.

"Happy birthday.”

He hands a huge cartoon doll to the little girl, then turns and walks out the door.

An hour of interrogations is enough to leave one exhausted. Tang Chao stretches, holding a tidied statement while heading towards Gavin’s office.

It’s late at night, and the lights are still on. Tang Chao knocks thrice but receives no response. He tries pushing the door open, and is shocked to find that Gavin, who is seated behind the desk, is neither dealing with a case nor official business. Instead, he’s in a daze.

Gavin leans against the chair, his gaze fixed on the computer screen for a long time, brows furrowed deeply. Tang Chao walks over and glances at the screen - it’s a report regarding the arrest of the producer from [MC’s Company Name] not too long ago. He reaches out, waving his hand in front of Gavin. He asks, "How many fingers?”

When Gavin glares back coldly, Tang Chao feels relieved. However, seeing the scab wound on his hand, he’s confused again - what could be so important that he’d forget to tend to his wound?

He places the tidied statement on the table, then drags Gavin to the infirmary. "Even a body forged in iron can’t be compared to you.”

Fortunately, the wound isn’t deep, and can be healed in a few days. But Tang Chao’s intuition tells him that Gavin is a little different from usual. This time, the offender wasn’t considered dangerous, and could be easily subdued by Gavin’s skills. How did he get hurt this easily?

Before Tang Chao can ask a few more questions, Gavin has already vanished without a trace.

[ Chapter Two ]

At four o'clock in the morning, the clerk at the 24-hour convenience store yawns, overcome with boredom as he stares at the TV commercial on the wall to pass the time. A cheerful electronic sound rings. The automatic doors slide open, and a young man walks in.

The clerk perks himself up, and is about to say "Welcome" when he realises that the customer in front of him looks very familiar.

This man lives in an apartment in the vicinity, and visits this convenience store frequently. Sometimes, he drives past in a smart-looking motorcycle. When someone tries to hit on him occasionally, he always rejects them coldly. It’s a pity that whenever he visits, he either buys instant noodles or instant bento... looks like it’s the same this time.

When the clerk sees him heading towards the convenience food shelf, he sighs in his heart: Young people these days don’t take care of their health at all.

Gavin leans down, his gaze flitting across the neatly arranged food on the shelf, absentmindedly differentiating the expiration dates marked on the packets.

Shiitake mushroom flavoured instant noodles aren’t tasty. The stray cats at the entrance of STF prefer meat, not anchovies. Don’t get hurt, don’t get mired in danger alone, don’t leave without saying a word.

Such thoughts once again surge forth. From a certain point in time, many unfamiliar experiences have been intruding into his life. It’s as though he’s sharing another memory, these disordered fragments of memories twisting into a long, thin thread, holding onto his wrist, tugging at him secretly from time to time.

Gavin returns to his senses, subconsciously drawing back the hand that was reaching for the convenience food, and picks the brand at the side which contains more vegetables.

When checking out, Gavin notices that there are rows of potted succulents next to the cash register.

"This is a public welfare activity jointly launched by our store and the Loveland City Environmental Protection Association. For every plant sold, we will donate the same amount of funds to the environmental protection charity.”

Seeing how unresponsive the young customer in front of him is, the clerk is tactful as he continues scanning the remaining products, "Nine dollars in total.”

The receipt is printed, and the clerk hands it to him along with the bento. The young man suddenly points at the small potted plant that had just emerged from the soil.

"Add this too.”

Back home, Gavin throws his jacket into the washing machine, sets the time for washing and drying, then heads into the bathroom to take a shower.

A strong gush of water flows from the shower, and white mist quickly fills the entire space. The stinging pain from the wound sobers him up quite a lot, and he subconsciously thinks: The wound should be tended to quickly, and “she” can’t know about it.

Realising what he’s thinking, Gavin is once again stunned-

Who’s “she”?

And why is he so concerned about how that person feels?

Stepping out of the bathroom, the washing machine makes a "ding" sound. Gavin wipes his head and walks over to take a look, only to realise that he had put bleach instead of laundry detergent. He stares at the washing machine in silence for a while, then reaches out to unplug the power, retrieving the ruined jacket.

After all of this, Gavin suddenly remembers the small potted plant he just bought. The clerk said that if it is placed in a location with sufficient sunlight, there would be new shoots in a week, and that it’s very easy to grow.

Gavin places it on the balcony, then picks up the phone and begins to search "How many times must succulents be watered in a day". Whether it’s a mere illusion, that sense of deja vu once again surfaces.

"What in the world am I doing...?" He mutters to himself, tossing his phone aside a little irritatedly. He returns to the bedroom, lying on the bed and closing his eyes, waiting for sleep.

In the depths of this autumn night that no one knows about, the rain outside the window patters against the leaves gently, and there is a very, very light stirring in his heart.

Gavin opens his eyes, looking at the ceiling which is illuminated by car lights. Suddenly, an unnamed emotion surges in his heart - he feels that the memories he has never been able to grasp weren’t “forgotten”. Rather, they are “losses” which render him powerless.

[ Chapter Three ]

On a rare, idle weekend, Tang Chao calls a group of friends from the STF together for hotpot. Right after ordering the hotpot base, Lu Yi’s conscience suddenly bugs him, and he asks if he should call Captain Gavin over.

Thinking about how rarely Gavin gets to rest and how he definitely wouldn’t be willing to see this group of people, Tang Chao knowingly shakes his head. However, his mouth has a different idea. “I’ll call him then.”

On the other side, a few special police officers are comforting Xiao Zheng from the Publicity Department who was hurt emotionally. Xiao Zheng fell out of love last week, and has been feeling extremely fragile and sensitive these few days. Hearing the bitter love songs in the shop, his eyes immediately redden.

Tang Chao taps open his contacts list, silently recalling the odd behaviour of Gavin recently. He isn’t interested in being a busybody, but his instincts tell him that Gavin has something on his mind, and it’s a change obviously brought about by that girl’s appearance. But whenever Tang Chao wants to inquire about it, the words get halted by Gavin’s killer glare.

Thinking about this, Tang Chao glances at Xiao Zheng sympathetically, and comes to a definite conclusion - if Captain Gavin were to continually suppress his emotions without releasing them, it’d result in an illness.

Tang Chao asks the waiter to serve two dozen beers, then dials Gavin’s phone.

"Good evening Captain Gavin. Have you eaten?"

"I don’t mean to annoy you, but Captain Eli invited us to have butter hotpot. You coming?

"Don't be in such a hurry to refuse. I’ve got something to talk to you about. Yes, it’s happening right now... it’s of utmost urgency.” Tang Chao shoots a grin towards an astonished Eli. Then, he continues fabricating a tale. "I don’t want to run laps. There’s a genuine matter.

Half an hour later, Gavin frowns as he walks into the hotpot restaurant. Seeing this, a few young special police officers immediately set down their chopsticks and stand up straight in a row. The only thing they haven’t done is to salute at Gavin.

Tang Chao grins, asking the waiter to bring an additional pair of tableware over. “Captain Gavin, you’re here.”

Gavin glances at Tang Chao and says in a cool voice, "What’s the urgent matter?"

“Xiao Zheng fell out love, so he asked you over to console him with us.”

“...”

Xiao Zheng frantically waves his hands in surprise, stammering a retort. Tang Chao pushes him back onto his seat and signals for him not to speak.

"Don't be sad, the chances of people ending up together is always unpredictable." Tang Chao pats Xiao Zheng on the shoulder. "Besides, who doesn’t have someone in their heart? Don’t you agree, Captain Gavin?"

These words are akin to a sudden clap of thunder on a calm sea. Xiao Zheng immediately forgets to cry. Eli immediately straights up, and the others hurriedly set down their chopsticks, whipping their heads over to look at Gavin like meerkats.

Gavin remains expressionless, though the hissing sound emanating from his body is even cooler than the ice cubes in the beer.

Since they’re in public, Tang Chao knows that it wouldn’t be convenient for Gavin to give him a beating. As such, he’s incredibly composed, and continues with his questions without a fear of death. “Captain Gavin, why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Why do you think this has anything to do with her?”

“I already saw the photograph back in the training days. Is she the lady from before when you roared “Tang Chao, put your hands away”?

[Note] These are references to R&S [Tempering] and Ch 2 Part One!

"...Tang Chao!”

“I'm here, I'm here." Tang Chao fills Gavin’s glass with beer. "Captain Gavin, I actually realised that you haven't been in the best state recently, but you don't like speaking your mind. I’m showing my concern."

“It’s said that you speak the truth after drinking, and today’s beer should be enough. Whatever you want to say, whatever’s suppressed in your heart, just release them all happily. Right, Captain Eli?”

After three rounds of drinking, Tang Chao fails to get Gavin drunk, but ends up drinking too much himself. Once again, he complains about Gavin's "Death Training" back in the days of special training. In the end, Gavin foots the bill.

Eli steps forward and pats him on the shoulder, saying, "Did something happen recently?" Gavin shakes his head in resignation. "You really believed him? His mouth is like a runaway train.”

Eli looks at Gavin and sighs. "I know you don’t need anyone to worry about you.”

"But that kid Tang Chao said one thing right. If one keeps suppressing their feelings, they’ll be suppressing problems.”

[ Chapter Four ]

On the way back, Gavin sees withered leaves on the branches along the street, and only then remembers the small succulent he had bought not long ago.

Back home, the potted plant on the balcony shrinks alone in the corner. Originally thinking that the plant he had left “free range” for so many days would meet a premature end, it turned out to be alive despite having a few withered leaves. Gavin finds this a little unbelievable, and he becomes more meticulous in watering it.

The next morning, Tang Chao opens the door to Gavin’s office and apologises solemnly. "Captain Gavin, I'm sorry. I promise that I’ll never inquire about your personal life in the future, let alone make arbitrary conjectures about your feelings.”

Without looking up at Tang Chao, Gavin only tosses out a sentence. "Before next Monday, re-check all the case data in the Archive Room.”

The Archive Room is on the third basement floor. The dust is very dense and the materials are very thick. Tang Chao wails immediately, leaving dejectedly.

Gavin picks up the document Tang Chao had just placed on his desk. It is a sealed report for the seizure of "small syringe" production plants, which records in detail the batches and output of pharmaceutical companies which participated in the production.

Reaching the final part of the report, Gavin is silent for a moment. At the end of the report, there is a line of small characters - "Ten boxes of drug samples are suspected to have gone missing."

Without putting much thought into it, a face with a beaming smile locks onto his mind.

“...I won't investigate you this time." He sighs, putting the report back into the drawer.

After ferreting the mole out of STF, Gray Rhino seems to have erased all traces of the "small syringes". But Gavin knows they wouldn’t withdraw easily from competing for "CORE" - naturally, neither will Black Swan.

Gavin is clear that the current peace will not last for long. Before the girl stands against him on the opposite side, what he has to do is be one step ahead, obtaining more crucial information as soon as possible.

The phone beeps, notifying him of a new e-mail. Gavin is pulled back from his thoughts, and his eyes fall on the unknown email that popped up.

"Congratulations on your successful registration in the Hunter Game" - the sender’s address is encrypted, and there is no doubt that no information can found.

Gavin's thoughts gradually settle. His hands are clasped lightly on the table, his gaze falling on the words "Hunter Game", his gaze turning sharp and determined.

That place definitely has something they’re looking for.

[ Chapter Five ]

In the STF Intensive Care Unit, a dripping sound accompanies the plastic tube. Gavin sleeps very peacefully, and he feels like he had a lot of dreams in his dazed state. They aren’t nightmares which wake him up with a start, but dreams which make him willing to remain asleep.

However, it seems he can only remember the final dream from the long series of dreams. When he’s roused awake by the sound of footsteps in the corridor, what lingers before his eyes is a blurry yet familiar face. Gavin sits up on the hospital bed, the pain from the no-longer-effective anaesthesia making him more awake.

Despite not telling Tang Chao and Eli about his participation in the Hunter Game, they aren’t suspicious. They’ve grown accustomed to Gavin’s aloof nature, and as such, assumed that he went on a secret mission.

During his absence over the past few days, there was a new development in the Evolver assassination incident - a new victim has appeared.

Gavin is very clear that if the cases were to be allowed to ferment, the higher-ups from “that side” would intervene in the matter. They have to take immediate action.

“There’s one more tricky thing." Tang Chao sits at the edge of his desk. "For the latest assassination case, we encountered a witness with a special situation. We might have to ask an Evolver who can read memories for help."

Tang Chao blinks and asks, "But I don't know any Evolvers with this ability. Do you know any, Captain Gavin?”

According to theory, aside from work purposes, they should be keeping a distance from each other. But according to the girl, the reason why they’ve come out for an idle stroll is, for one, to relax. Two, to search for inspiration to solve the case.

The lead from the only witness to the Evolver assassination was cut short. Gavin isn’t affected much, since he knows that this matter isn’t simple. In contrast, the girl is especially bothered by it, and feels apologetic for not being able to help.

On the bustling street in the afternoon, Gavin returns to his senses, taking the oden which the girl hands over with a smile.

When walking by her side, Gavin realises that he’s barely thinking about the things that are bothering him. He naturally picks up her conversation topics, as if they had wandered aimlessly on the street side by side before.

Does she feel the same way? In his heart, Gavin shakes his head in self-mockery, wanting to forget these thoughts which confuse him.

Walking out of the food street, rain patters down. The pedestrians on the street crowd together suddenly, rushing towards the station. Gavin holds up an umbrella, planning to send her back.

The yellow wintersweet flowers exude a subtle fragrance in the rain. The smell, colour, and the scent of the person next to him seem to be magnified, forming a memory of the present moment.

Perhaps, even before he noticed it himself, while he has been deliberately neglecting the complex emotions in his heart, they have been also been growing in a place where he cannot see. When she calls his name, when she accidentally touches his hand, it’s as though some things from a very long time ago are coming back to life in his mind--

Someone had once called his name using such a tone.

Someone had once held his hand in this way.

Someone... was once his strength.

The emotions which he conceals deeply, whether they are good or bad, were once held gently.

A scorching wave of heat suddenly rushes into his chest.

The traffic lights change, and the crowd waiting at the side of the street slowly surge towards the middle of the road. The surrounding pedestrians squeeze past each other, bumping into his shoulder from time to time.

Gavin lifts his head abruptly, watching the side profile of the girl as she’s in the rain. It’s as though there’s an intriguing overlap. It’s as though a very long time ago, his heart had leapt this fiercely for her.

The girl suddenly turns around, looking in his direction and waving at him. Putting away her umbrella, she points to a mother-daughter duo hiding from the rain underneath the bus stop. She asks for his opinion through her gaze. Without much thought, Gavin removes his jacket, brisk walking towards her in the rain.

Raindrops patter down, and the water beneath his feet leave splashes in their wake. Akin to rain, they land on his body. It’s as though he gets slightly more drenched with each step. At this moment, Gavin realises that on days when memories are muddied, he has grasped a thin thread since a long time ago.

The jacket supports a narrow world, and wind and rain occasionally blow in.

If their reunion was meant to verify their directions, no matter what the future holds, what he has to do now is to run forward with her, together.

[Note] Please don’t ask me about the Hunter Game! I haven’t had the chance to read the earlier chapters in detail so I don’t know the specifics 😅

💙 More S2 content: here

💙 Support the cafe by dropping by the tip jar!

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc gavin #...T^T #please don't send me asks about the new chapter even if it's about verifying spoilers floating around!#I haven't read them and I don't wish to be spoiled HAHAHA

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raschuuuu · 4 years

Text

WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME BACK? // M.YG angst (Suga)

Summary: You finally had your debut with your girl group with Big Hit entertainment. That was your absolute biggest dream but what happens when you have to decide now? Do you want to live your idol life and let the love of your life go for it? Or do you decide for the life of your life?

Word count: 5k

Genre: angst

warnings: established relationship / swearing / soft yoongi / mentioning of breakups / mentioning of suicide/death

Pairing: Yoongi!idol x female idol!reader

A/N: Hello guuuuys! Today I hope very much that you will like this one here! I didn't get any requests so I want to say it again one more time: FEEL FREE TO SEND ME YOUR REQUESTS!!! 😟🥺It’s my second fanfic on this blog I worked very hard on it so I really really hope you guys will enjoy it. If you guys think I could do anything better or you have another preferences please let me know. I’d be very happy if you guys leave a like so I know you read it and liked it. Another note: English is not my first language I’m very sorry if you guys find any mistakes.. 💔

_____________________________________________________________________________

5th December 2020

What could be better than having a debut just before the year ends? My group and I were supposed to have our debut much earlier but that was postponed due to the COVID pandemic so it was complicated to have a debut this year but nevertheless our company managed to give us a debut before the year ends and I really have to say it's the best thing that could ever happen to me!

My dream has finally come true. How long was I a trainee? Exactly. Six years. Six freaking years I was hidden behind the scenes of my big and famous company. It feels really shitty to be in the shadow of two famous groups in South Korea. Don't get me wrong I'm a really big fan of BTS and TXT but we got tired of being told that we're going to make our debut but at the end we didn’t. I know the guys from BTS and TXT personally and we all get along super well even the other members of my group. But to be honest BTS and TXT couldn't wait for our debut to happen and finally it's here (y/g/n) finally gets the recognition.

31st December 2020

Of course our lives have changed dramatically since we made our debut. Of course it's much harder to go out alone now than before. Before I was a nobody. No one knew me but now I don't even dare to go alone to the convenient store that is just around the corner of our dorm. You might think I'm exaggerating a bit but no, unfortunately it's the truth. Nevertheless, I don't want to spoil my idol life. After our debut we had a lot of promotions and interviews. But even before that we didn't have much time because we had to shoot our music video and photo shoots and we were all sent to the hairdresser because our old look was officially bye bye. I’m happy with my new look I think I look so beautiful I can't believe what a haircut and a nice makeup can do to a person.

Today is the 31st of December. New Year's Eve! New year takes place in less than 24 hours! Where am I? I'm at this year's MBC Gayo DaeJeon. My first new year's eve without my family and officially my first new year's eve as an idol. I'm so excited I can't believe it I'm going to be on stage with my girls and I'm meeting other idols how exciting is that. I'm sitting in the makeup room getting my makeup done by our makeup artist and on the side our hairstylist is making me a high ponytail. I hope I'll look good. Dabi, the oldest of our group and therefore our Unni, has just finished and looks adorable. Miso sits to my left and is also getting her make-up and hair done. Hyemi is getting ready after me because she doesn't take up much time. She has the shortest hair of all of us. I’m sitting with my mobile phone in my hand and texting with my mother. Sometimes I wish I could be with her and with my father and my siblings. I miss them all like hell. I haven't seen them since before our debut. I can't wait to hold them all in my arms next time.

(eomma):

y/n we miss you! New year's eve isn't the same without you but hopefully you'll have fun on stage today. We'll all be watching you! Your dad and I your grandparents and your siblings so don't worry we're always with you! Good luck my child fighting! 🎉🎆

I notice how i get tears in my eyes but no I mustn't cry my makeup gets ruined. Just as I want to answer my mother i get a new text on my phone.

(yoongi):

I'm excited to see you tonight! You'll be great I believe in you.

By the way... I guess I didn't tell you that I'm dating Min Yoongi. That's right, Min Yoongi.

flashback

2014

"Y/n! We're about to meet BTS!" says Hyemi as I just walked into the dance practice room. What BTS? The group that made their debut last year? "Really why?" I ask looking at her confused. Apparently all new trainee male or female, are introduced to BTS because they want to give us some nice words and encouragement on our way as trainees. Just as I was about to sit down, the seven men came in the door. One after the other, they passed us by. Wow, these guys can count themselves lucky that their time is up. But one boy in particular stands out to me. He has red hair. Not too light and not too dark, a red that almost goes brown. He is beautiful.

I haven't really informed myself about who BTS is, of course I still have difficulties to remember their names, I just became a trainee before I didn't care who was a trainee here... but this man is beautiful!

Oh crap he looks at me. Why is he looking at me. Someone tell him to look the other way please I’m so awkward I don't know how to act when someone looks at me I better look the other way. The leader said some nice words to us they all wished us luck and said that they can't wait for us to make our debut and that when the day comes they're all gonna be happy and supportive! Really nice of them I never thought that they would do something like that. We all got up and bowed and said thank you, while BTS was about to walk out I saw the red haired boy looking at me one last time before he went out. Crazy man do I have something on my face stop staring!

2015

I started to get to know them better each and every one of them. I get along best with Hoseok and Taehyung. Every now and then we run into each other in the building and talk for a few minutes. We trainees also got to meet all the guys in person, they are all so nice and down to earth I don't regret it one bit that I joined this company! Jungkook is about my age and every now and then we have a few laughs together. Once you are in the company you are like one big family whether it is with the trainees or the staff. However I have not been able to get close to one person and that is Min Yoongi. I don't know what it is but every time he and I are in a room with other people it just gets awkward. I don't know what it is but every time he is near me I feel intimidated and just want to get out of there. We've never spoken a word to be honest maybe it's because he feels awkward around me too? I can't understand why he feels this way I always try to get along with everyone even if i don't want to and make everyone feel comfortable around me because I want it to be mutual. So what's his problem?

2016

I have heard from his members that he has a crush on me and gets shy around me which I totally don't understand because how can anyone be into me? Especially back then! I don't want to go into too much detail but I can tell you that after a while and with the help of Hoseok and Taehyung he and I started texting at some point. We had been friends for a long time but only online. We were both too nervous to meet in person and to be honest that had been impossible because he was busy as fuck and no one was supposed to find out that we were texting. BTS recognition grew more and more each year and he became busier and busier each day. I was of course very happy for everyone and one rainy day in the evening Yoongi appeared out of nowhere on my doorstep and confessed his love to me. I am still overwhelmed by it and it all feels so unreal and like it just happened yesterday, but I went for it and agreed to be his girlfriend.

back to December 31st 2020

For four years we have been hiding our relationship. Nobody knows about it the whole Big Hit staff doesn't know about it and neither do our managers the only ones who know about it are his members and recently my members. I didn't want to tell them until we made our debut together because I was too scared of being told off during my trainee time. But I have to say that the girls stand behind me and accept our relationship and they all swore they would take it to the grave with them.

I quickly turn down the brightness of my screen because there's too much danger of my hairstylist and makeup artist reading the text. I close my phone and put it on my lap. How much I want to answer him but I don't dare I can't answer him when there are too many people around me. After a while we were called and it was finally our turn I'm so nervous but we managed it all with flying colors and we were the topic of the evening.

In a few minutes it's already new year I'm ready and let 2021 come to me. At midnight Yoongi calls me and I answer the phone with joy.

"Happy new year y/n! I love you and I hope we will spend more time together this year even though it will be harder now." I smile to myself and say "Happy new year Yoongi... how is your shoulder? Are you resting enough? Are you eating enough? Are you sleeping enough? Are you in pain? If you are in pain then take a painkiller and go back to the doctor!" I can't see it but I can tell he is grinning and shaking his head. I don't let him get a word in edgewise.

"Don't worry I’m fine I just miss you you're the only painkiller I can take" - "Hahaha yah! You're so corny! I miss you too sweetheart I wish we had spent this new year together... I’m sorry it turned out like this!" I feel really bad because I know he won't be able to spend new year with his boys or me... To be honest we have never had a new year together except on the phone but this time it could have worked out! He is at home with his injury and if we wouldn't have had our debut then we would have had a first new year together after four years of relationship!

January 10th 2021

At the beginning of the new year our manager gave us our schedule plan at it looked hella busy! This whole January we would be completely busy we don't even have one weekend off! I can’t believe it how will I able to see my family or even Yoongi? I saw him at the first weekend of January we spent it together at his family’s house in Daegu behause to be honest that is actually the only place that we can go to a little far away from Seoul without having to worry that any of the staff could know or see us. My family also knows and loves him to death but with my family living in Seoul it’s complicated to take him there. Our manager left the room and I looked at Dabi with the ‘You and I bathroom NOW!’ look she understood and got up from her place and she followed me to the bathroom. We checked if any other person was inside when there wasn’t I said “What the fuck I’m I gonna do now Unni? How am I able to see Yoongi? How will I be able to even go out. I won’t even have time to take the fucking trash out from our dorm when it’s my turn to clean!” I yell. She stands there giving me a confused look. “What do you expect y/n? You chose to have this idol life you know its busy and complicated to have a boyfriend especially as a fresh debuted idol! Why do you think they won't let us have a relationship? I wish I could help you but I can’t. We’re gonna be busy as fuck!” she yelled back. “Psh shut your volume down unni!” she opened the door to see if there was anyone outside but there wasn’t.

I feel bad I really do. I don't want my members to be in trouble because of me that's the last thing I want. I hug her and apologize to her. I have to think of something I don't know what to do. I don't want us to be away from each other for too long what happens when he stops loving me all of a sudden? What do I do when he goes back to work then it will all be worse! Before I became an idol we could always see each other at the end of the day but now it will be impossible. I have to talk to him about it because one thing we promised each other is that we talk about everything because that's the only way a healthy relationship can work and such a complicated relationship we both have. I take out my phone and write him a message.

(me):

Yoongi. Tonight FaceTime date you and me?

In less than two minutes I already get my answer.

(yoongi):

of course!

evening

I turn on my MacBook and call him on FaceTime. After three rings he answers the phone and turns it off too so he doesn't have to hold it in his hand. He still has his bandage on and his hair is wet he must have been in the shower. He wears cute pyjamas and fight me or not but black haired Yoongi is the most beautiful Yoongi. I always fall in love again when I see him. Hard to believe we were so awkward with each other back then but this year is already approaching 5 years together. I could never imagine my life without him.

"Hey my darling" he says happily and smiles at me. I smile back and ask him how he is. He tells me that he is getting better every day and that during his time off he has found a lot of time for himself and his music and how much he misses the others. And me too, of course. "What's wrong with you?" he asks me when he notices that my mind is somewhere else. I think he took the Facetime date too seriously. He be sitting there with his cup of ramen. I just laugh. "Yoongi... I'm going to be busy all of January and manager oppa said that February might not be any better," I say and wait for his answer. He swallows his noodles and drinks a glass of water. "Does that mean we won't see each other this month?" he asks. I think he's a little disappointed I know him and I know his tones and his looks and I can hear my heart breaking by now. And how much I'd like to see you Yoongi. Every second every day. "No," I say, and then an uncomfortable silence descends.

“You know what baby it’s fine don't worry. I mean I wasn’t any better back then do you remember when I always used to be so busy? I never had time for you and I felt so bad. But you were there for me and you stayed by my side and you were and still are the most supportive girlfriend I could ever ask for. I think it would be unfair to be mad at you. I’m happy for you forever and always” well that was unexpected. I start getting tears in my eyes. I didn't think of this reaction not at all! I smile at him and say “Thank you baby... I will appreciate it I really do. But still I feel bad because especially in this period where you're sick I wish I could be there for you and take care of you. This debut was so unexpected I’m really sorry” - “Yah don't be sorry y/n. You worked your goddamn fine ass off to be where you're at right now be proud of you this is just the beginning. And it’s not like that we won't see each other ever again right?” he says. He’s right. He’s totally right. It’s not like we won't see each other ever again.

January 17th 2020

Well... seven days passed and we still haven't seen each other and we haven't talked since one week. We text every now and then cause I really only get to use my phone when it's night and we go back home but every night I'm so damn exhausted and tired that I forget to answer to his texts. I don't even have time to text my parents back or my siblings. I feel so bad I'm such a bad person. I miss them all so much. I miss my parents. I miss my sister and my brother. I miss my grandparents. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my boyfriend so damn much. I really didn't think this life is gonna be so hard for me. I feel like I've been put in the middle of a scale with my career on one side and my relationship on the other side and I have to choose one side or the other. I've never thought about breaking up with Yoongi ever in my life. Never. I just can't. I need this man too much. Even though we never have the most beautiful and perfect relationship and see each other very rarely, it's just the thought that I know there's someone in my life who loves me and accepts me for who I am that counts. He took me with my imperfections he put his career what he loves most in his life in risk to be with me and now that we are both in this situation I don't know what to do I feel bad and selfish for even thinking about it I don't want to make him feel like my career is more important than him or our relationship he doesn't deserve that he deserves the world and he deserves to be happy. But I love my career I love my job I love my members I love our staff I love our fans. Our biggest fear was not being accepted by the society outside especially now in this period when BTS is one of the biggest groups in the whole world and have a very big influence in the KPOP industry. We were afraid that society would think that since we are the first girl group to make a Big Hit debut in a very long time that people would think that we would mess with the boys heads or that there would be any rumors started between us and the other groups. But on the contrary people have been happy for us and love our music and us individually. I feel like Hannah Montana I feel like I am living a double life.

20th January 2021

"I know you are overwhelmed with the situation my child, I can imagine that it is very hard for you but you have to know what is best for you. You can't tell anyone from your company, you are a rookie, if they find out you had a boyfriend during your trainee time then it is even worse. I wish I was with you and could help you or just be there for you. I love Yoongi very much but I love you even more and I am happy with any decision you make. Just make the right one" my mother says on the phone. Tears have been flowing since she got on the phone but I don't want to tell her and I try not to sob but I know she can tell by my tone that I am crying. She is right. I have to make a decision. Yoongi is getting better day by day and soon he will be busy too he will go back to his daily routine and the other members. He will have comebacks he will have dance practices he will have to go to the recording studio he will have photo shoots he will do interviews and when the corona situation allows he will have to go to other countries and I have to do the same.

I love him to death and I will never love anyone as much as I love him but I am just not happy like this and you can tell me what you want he is not either but he doesn't let it show. Yesterday on the phone there was such an awkward tension between us it felt like I was making small talk with a stranger. Even though I might be the bad guy but one of us has to make the first move. I have wished and hoped that this day will never come but I have to do it.

23 January 2021

Yoongi told me that he is back in his flat in Seoul with his mother. Unfortunately he still can't travel alone so his dear mum went with him. I missed her too, she's the nicest and sweetest woman ever. When I imagine that I won't see her again either, tears well up in my eyes. But today I have to do it. Who would have thought that our reunion would be like this? Who would have thought that I would break up with him. He won't expect it but I have to do it. I’m cold and sick and I just want to go to bed and get the day over with. It's 11pm at night and we've come home after a long hard day. I look out the window and wait until our manager is out of sight.

My members know about my plans and of course have asked me a million times if I am sure and if there is no other way out. I am very happy that they are worried about me but I also feel bad towards them. I have been hiding it from them all our trainee years and when I told them they were all so good about it and even want me not to do it. But no I will do it I am young and want to concentrate on my career and what is coming up for us.

I told Yoongi that I would come, of course he doesn't want to because it's way too late but I said it was important and that we had to talk about something. When I said we had to talk about something he was quiet and then just said he would wait for me. I put on a hat and a thick jacket and the hood of the jacket and a mask and a scarf and go out into the high snow that has covered Seoul. His flat is not far from mine but still I have to take a taxi. I ask the driver to wait for me because I don't want to stay there long I want to get it over with quickly and go.

(me):

can you come down?

(yoongi):

why don't you come up?

(me):

I think its better when you come down Yoongi I don't want your mom to be worried or hears any of that were gonna talk.

He doesn't text back instead I just see the lights turning on from his window. A few minutes later he comes down. Oh my fucking lord he is so handsome. I want to run up to him and kiss him from head to toe. I want to be in his arms. I want us to go upstairs together and fall asleep together. I want to build a snowman with him. I want to be with him forever I love him he is the love of my life.

He comes up to me and smiles at me. He stands in front of me and we both don't say a word. His smile turns into a confused look he notices something is wrong. "Don't I get a kiss or a hug?" he asks me. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces. I would love to rip your clothes off Min Yoongi.

"I want to break up." Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. "Yoongi say something?" I ask him. He says nothing. He looks at me with a blank look he is sad he is disappointed he is devastated just like me. "Yoongi please?". He does not speak.

"Yoongi, I'm sorry. I-i-I really love you I love you more than anything but I know that I can't give 100% in our relationship now. I just want us to be happy but I see that we are not. It could have been great during your time off but I can't be there for you... sooner or later it should have happened. I want to be with you but I can't anymore it was okay then but it's not okay now we're both famous you're in the biggest boy group in the world if anyone finds out we're together we'll be screwed. Especially me Yoongi. Female idols have it harder than male idols you know that. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and I think this will be the best thing for us I-" he interrupts me.

"How dare you to tell me what's best for me? Do you have any idea what you're talking about y/n? Stop trying to tell me what's best for me when you know you're the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life god damn. I was going through a difficult time in my life and you were the only one who was there for me! And now you're telling me let’s break up because you're afraid people are gonna find out? And that they are gonna blame you? The fuck? Theres always two fucking persons in a relationship y/n! I also wanted that. I wanted you. Don’t you love me anymore? Why don’t you love me anymore? We hid our relationship for four fucking years why can't we hide it now?" he said yelling at me.

I am shocked and sad I want to die. I don't want to live in this life without Min Yoongi. But I know it's best for us I do it for him and his career too.

"Yes I don't love you anymore" were my last words before I left.

________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: damn y/n!!! did you just break up with the mf min yoongi? you better save your relationship! guys if you want a part two (with maybe a happy ending?) let me know! love you bye 🎀

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miyiee · 4 years

Text

“TOMINO”

Written By: Miyie 〴

(Disclaimer! Please do not read if you are someone who is easily disturbed, make sure you are over 13 to read this content may include violence, alcohol, abuse, and blood, Thank you!) This is not your typical horror genre, it truly describes real-life “horror.” I really wanted to bring out these situations, as there are many out there who suffer from these.) -Miyie 〴

It’s only imaginary, it’s something so forfeit, something you cannot deliberately see.

………...See, I once had this friend, it was only engraved in my mind, not necessarily sincere nor significant to me, someone that was so authentically cruel, but yet I followed…..

A bird caged-girl, as she started to plug her ears to block out the interphone chime, I am fighting with an enemy I couldn’t even see, even till the end I was leading myself to a truly unseemly thing. A leash clings on my neck, each step, each walk, each breath I took. I am always being watched by someone, something.

Who, you may ask? My imaginary friend. “And, it has been that way for years.”

“Free me, lift me from my guilt.” If it were only so simple.

1/2/1981

Ever since the day I was born into this world, I have always been those principles of innocence, my mother, my father always checked up on me to make sure I wasn’t doing anything bad and they would always find me quite strange for a child. You see, I was always talking to the wall, in the same position. “Look! Mommy, isn’t he nice?” Yes. Tomino loved me deeply, there was no doubt, but you see, this love was a strange one and cannot be explained. “Sure, whatever you say, Hika.” She leaned down and pet me on the head. Of course to her extent, mother would never believe such nonsense...I always thought Tomino was there, someone everyone else could also see…...

Not just me.

…...

2/18/1988

One day as my mother was going out to head for groceries, I stopped her, no Tomino stopped her, he

told me to.

“Please just don’t go today, I would like you to just stay with me.”

The day after, it was reported, documented on the news of an incident that happened to be the same street my mother was just going to head to, xxx street of Zemark, a shooting happening between two drunk white men, about 12 people had either died that day, 9 injured within that store. These sorts of incidents would occur several times after then on any random day. “That excuse again?” Tomino this, Tomino that.” Mother would often say to me out of frustration. She couldn’t understand why her daughter was acting this certain way after all.

Was I really that childish or…. Did I speak the truth?

But, you see, such kindness comes with a price.

A promise that was forged.

I spend the days with Tomino, we play together, talk together for hours, I drew and wrote on his requests, but one day, it seems he has gotten quite bored of my childish acts and lingers for a little more fun and excitement. He threw my painting on the floor in anger, “So what do you want me to do then?”I asked. I wished I didn’t have asked, maybe then I wouldn’t need to do whatever he said..…. It was a little dark outside for a spring season while taking multiple glances towards outside the window. He told me to “Go outside and stab this helpless squirrel with a kitchen knife, smear its blood around in a circle on this painting, and to finally make a box around it in the sand with a stick.” When I declined, he would get mad at me and would not talk to me for hours, doesn’t help me anymore, so I did it, I obeyed him like a dog.

Mother tried ever since, to cure me of this disease, this illness. She looked for any doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. “Your child is perfectly healthy,” they said. Not even the best professionals figured it out. Tomino was always mischievous, mysterious, secretive, smart about where he moves each of his pawns. To him, this was no more than just a game.

My father abandoned me because of this, well partly. He cheated on her, secretly, but it was funny since father still had this small affection for mom, so instead, he told her a white lie. I knew all along because Tomino tells me about these things.

I was only left with my mother. “Why me?” Why can’t I have a normal child?,” I would often hear mother mumble under her breath. My mother was no longer the kind mother I knew. It wasn’t a surprise she has become an alcoholic soon after.

“What are you looking at? You pathetic little brat, this is all your fault!”, mother said.

“I REALLY HATE THE SMELL OF ALCOHOL.”, I screamed at her.

Miza peered in on us in the corner, she came to my house for the project.

I knew,.... She knew.

……….

Tomino would often come to comfort me when I cry, although sometimes he is upset himself and never comes, he said it wasn’t my fault. “It was Okaa-san’s fault for not understanding us enough.”

School was no different.

“No wonder her parents abandoned her..”

“What a spoiled child.”

“Ewww, stay away from me….”

“Manipulative bi**”

“This is all your fault!”

I have always given in the efforts to redeem myself, but they were all main just seen as an unless waste of time.

“I’m not your friend anymore! How could you do such a thing?”

Wait- KI! Wha-what about you Miza, are you going to leave me too?, I asked. Deliberately.

She looked at me sadly but she said nothing “...........”, as she just walked alongside her other friend.

I was always the one left out. It wasn’t my fault, was it?

I had to transfer to many different schools after then.

“Ugh, isn’t that disgusting woman her mother?”

“Why would you raise such a slut?”

It always ended terribly.

Tears were wiped with sleeves. I weep.

So then...

9/16/1990

Mother became even more so tired of all this as each day passed by. She dressed up, packed up. Slammed the door on me.

Unknown: “Wait! What about-!”

She left me…...

“I don’t need her anymore, I should’ve never given birth to you.”

“Don’t leave me, I promise I will do all my chores, I would never cause you any more trouble ever again, please mother!”, I layed on the floor, begging.

But, that was the last sentence mother said to me, the last she spoke to me, the last time I saw her.

“Ojii-san, Do you think it's my fault?”

Unknown: “It’s going to be okay, Hika, come with me.”

….

Years passed then, it was hard to believe.

“Hika, breakfast is ready!” “Coming Okaa- Ojii-san!”

“What a weird grandchild I have.” “hahaha, Ojii-san that’s mean!” “Come eat, child.”

“Itadakimasu!” If you couldn’t tell already, living with my uncle was nice and comforting, for once.

“Okay, I’m off, see you Ojii-san!”

It was only us two that lived together now after dad had left us and mother had disappeared off to somewhere. Ojii-san was the only person I have now, although he is growing quite old as days pass by.

Thing was, we are tight on money. Ojii-san tries his best to reassure me and tells me to just focus on my studies but I know about our financial problems.

The only other major reason why we had food left on our plate was that “Tomino” still exists, he protects me, this was part of our agreement. I thought for sure Tomino would get bored of me soon when I grew older, but he stayed and waited for the promise we made till the very end. It seems like Tomino never really ages and he just stays the same size every day even after years. Things just stayed the same.

Tomino grants my wishes. But, that’s it….

….

11/7/1994

I walked between pebbles, between bridges, and on bridges. Tomino follows me wherever I go. It's like he’s a stalker, but I'm used to it. "I'm fine today, Tomino, how are you? You know, I know you're there..." "Yes, whatever you say.", he replied. He raised strange doubts when I was a child, but I loved him. It was my friend after all. He was the only person who knew me well. Tomino seems to look old these days, but not so deeply.He still seems to have stayed the same even after years.

As my walk almost reached my destination, I was in the middle of walking passed the archway of the two buildings as a shortcut followed by my upperclassmen.

"Ah, isn't that Hika Normanashi?"

Please, keep in mind that……..Nobody really knows my surname. It was a secret because of family issues. Tomino also knows. And since then I haven't trusted enough people to tell them anything. It wasn’t particularly very nice to see someone expose my surname.

I felt a hand grabbed me by my wrist as they proceeded to push me against the wall as the dude kept mocking my body.

Girl 2: "Hey, knucklehead! This is it! I brought over her here."

Unknown: “This little one doesn’t seem to scream much so it’s fine boss.”

As they threw me onto the ground below them, Grabbing me and pushing my head against the wall.

"S-STOP IT! RELEASE ME!"

Girl 1: "Hey, so what are you going to do? Get your boyfriend to protect you or something?"

“……… ..!”

"Wait! Tomino, don't!"

Soon, the blood of two young girls spilled under me, on the concrete under my feet. I was soaked in blood. The young man looked at me in shock of fear as if I were the murderer.

"Y-YOU MONSTER!", he screamed.

I looked down at my bloody shaking hands. The knife Tomino has given me…...

The young man tried to resist me as much as possible, but Tomino also fled before him and overwhelmed over him. I knew exactly what Tomino wanted me to do. Through the man’s eyes, I could see what it felt like to die, the terror. "Sorry, but you’ll have to die for me, it'll be fast, I promise." I closed my eyes. I took a breath. I wondered how just how many more people do I need to kill? There was no point in arguing with Tomino. This is his identity. I’m sorry Ojii-san………. The next thing I saw when I opened my eyes were two stranded dead bodies tied onto the tracks, two trains which ran at full speed in seconds over them. The man's body was specially cutaway where the organs were visible, but Tomino did not kill him yet. It can be said that Tomino threw him most. I knew about this, the way this guy died was exactly the same as a few years ago. "........ First, a small lead ball creates a large, deep bruise and breaks on subsequent hits. Finally, the skin on the back hangs on a long ribbon and the entire area If the prisoner determines that the prisoner is dying, an unrecognizable chunk, the strike will be stopped. "

I know I'm a murderer ... my feet move suddenly. But in the wrong direction. I could not stop sitting on my lap on the lawn and staring at the dead man.

His face stared at me and wanted to return, in hopes of revenge, I knew deeply.

But, Tomino doesn’t.

No matter how many following attempts there were, Tomino always got away with it, dragging me along. When the news of these three students was blankly announced, the whole classroom began to place the blame on me. No one dared to approach me after that. I was invisible. It was an inevitable fate.

I couldn’t bring myself to believe my fate.

I couldn’t bring myself to believe Tomino was so cruel.

I couldn’t bring myself to bear this anymore. I only have hidden the truth. I knew what he meant, by those silent words.

I planned my defeat. If order to win,

You must lose.

To bring illusion to reality, how do you do that exactly?

How can you eliminate something you loved so much in the world?

Without a doubt, I am always attached to Tomino, I believed there was always loyalty that has existed between us.

Tomino made me feel emotions, of all kinds.

The emotion of being valued, the emotion of being appreciated, and emotions of hatred.

It was only that I could never tell what his objective was, nor who he was anymore. I cannot recognize him. I cannot be an attachment. I cannot be the one to ‘change’ him. We are like the strings of, the lines, the blinds between the lies. I cannot be there for him, I must stay away father always told me.

“One day, he would ruin you. Do not be fooled easily, do not be influenced by terrible people easily. Keep that in mind, Hika. ”

…..

Friend, a person whom one knows, likes, or trusts.

Was there ever trust that has enveloped in this relationship.

“Let’s stay togeth-er forever, Tomino.”

smiles*

Hey…..., that warm smile you gave me just there…..

Was that a lie…. Or was that the truth?

Was it a sad one or was that a happy one?

Call me an idiot, although I always have the ability to read people’s expressions…..

I could never tell Tomino’s.

I have never thought this day would come.

I have always thought, it was the truth.

How could he speak so falsely?

What did you mean exactly?

….

12/24/1995

“I’ve grown tired of you, Tomino.” , I’ve had enough.

“Kill me, how are you going to kill me?” Tomino mocked me.

” I’m sorry, Tomino.”

And within that, the only thing that can convince us of their love for each other is the truth.

“I cannot ever get rid of you until I die, right? I wish you the best in the afterlife ...really.”

5/22/1985

I remembered the day we met,

The garden was so beautiful, the pond filled with koi fish were so lovely, the flowers were all so pretty, the bridge above it was so clean, but it was all so lonely. I sat there walking and running around playing by myself until I grew tired. Where you came into existence ever since. Then, we would always be together. Where he was always quiet and kept to himself, but I didn’t mind.

“Ne-ne! Tomoi-no!.....” “Hi-ka!”(learned each other’s names) I wrote down both of our names and embraced it with a heart, the poor boy seemed so flustered for some reason.

“Promise me that you would always stay by my side, never leave me, alright?” He seemed hesitant at first but then offered me his pinky.

But that wasn’t the promise, Tomino hid the truth, he wanted much more. He just wanted to take my white soul.

Thank you for your company. Your kindness, no one can pretend. The flowers were never too strong to sustain itself, and the petals would eventually overtime fade out. The grass are cut away little by little by the humans because they hate how it was. The trees are brought down by the people in order to feed them. But, these were all often done without anything in return. I didn’t want to leave because I have faith in Tomino, but that would be selfish to say that, that was the only reason why I have lived. I wished I hadn’t agreed upon our promise. I don’t want to stay, because it would mean I would still have to call Tomino a friend.

“I have more than once tried to deceive you, but you will feel that I am now speaking falsely,” Tomino said.

Tomino could never touch me because he isn’t real and because he cannot touch me, he cannot stop me. I wanted to cry, but nothing came out.

12/24/1995

I feel the breath of life taken away from me by the multitude.

It was getting harder and harder to breathe as each second progresses. I have always tried to kill myself before. Standing at the edge….. I was a coward I could never face death.

“Why? All you have to do is just to “jump”? It’ll all be over, right?”

But, one day I found myself hung.. “I’m sorry.”

And then, everything just blacked out. The man in black disappeared, everything disappeared. There was no “Tomino”. There was just a little boy, all alone forced to carry out his duty.

“Goodbye ..old friend”

“goodbye,'' he once said.

I could almost hear him saying in response...

12/25/1994

A woman in a black dress came to settle down a few white flowers as she prayed her hands together, she spoke only three words…..,

“I love you.”

….

And soon,

a few more and more,

flowers were placed.

“Happy birthday, Hika.” , Tomino smiled.

“Here’s your present!”, as the young boy cheerfully places down a small box with a little teddy bear sitting on top.

=//[For anyone confused]// “TOMINO” is her teddy bear, a stuffed animal^^

Well? Where’d do you think Hika has gotten her present from[Teddy Bear]?

#books & libraries #aesthetic #Tomino #writing #japan #kawaii #my writing #novel #flowers #TeddyBear #Miyiee #Miyie

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couldnt-think-of-a-better-name · 6 years

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A ONESHOT that foreshadows The Promised Neverland Plot?!

So I bet you thought that I was done screaming about TPN theories and foreshadowing and how it all connects... at least for a little bit...

But no, I am afraid that I have too much time to think on my 40 min bike commute to work, and I am back again like

I know that I probably seem like a crazy person by now, but these ideas just keep on coming the more I look at and think about The Promised Neverland.

This issue of my Mindblowing Theories TM doesn't technically have manga spoilers, but it references both my theory on the SECRET behind the "DEMONS" and the BIRTH origin of NORMAN. If you are not familiar, check my tpn theory tag, as I won't be explaining all the details again.

Right, so who among you has read Poppy's Wish? It is the debut oneshot that Kaiu Shirai-san and Posuka Demizu-sensei did in SWJ before starting the Promised Neverland serialization.

Since Kaiu Shirai-san was a complete newcomer and they haven't even worked together before with Posuka Demizu-sensei, SWJ wanted to test the waters and see what reaction a story by them would get. They prepared Poppy's Wish, and after a positive reception, The Promised Neverland was approved for serialization as well. From my understanding, Kaiu Shirai-san has already written 300 pages of the Neverland script before even meeting Posuka Demizu-sensei, and this oneshot was only prepped after that.

So what's the deal about this? Before I go further ahead, if you haven't read it, I recommend you go and read it at Mangarock or somewhere, because I am going to completely spoil the big plot twists in it, and it's a fun and short little story with nice feels. It won't take long to read, so don't spoil the experience!

Right, so if you have read it, or choose to be spoiled anyway, then let's continue. I will highlight some facts with capitalization that I find curious with respect to my previous theories.

Our main cast is a reclusive and cooky SCIENTIST who has CREATED a toaster with ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE to make him MORE DELICIOUS FOOD since he likes toast so much.

The little toaster wants to have a NORMAL HUMAN body, to be able to GO OUTSIDE into the HUMAN WORLD and make friends.

The SCIENTIST CREATES this SHORT BLONDE HAIRED, BLUE EYED CHILD body for the toaster's AI.

The child toaster now tries to make friends with the FOOD (pizza) DELIVERY lady, but it goes wrong, since the toaster admits to being a robot with AI.

The little toaster is distraught that he should PRETEND that he is a NORMAL HUMAN, not an AI and rans away to the OUTSIDE. The scientist chases him down with a GPS TRACKER.

Before they go home, the little toaster notices something strange about the people outside. They seem to have HUGE, GROTESQUE MOUTHS on their belly, and EAT their food with it UNLIKE normal HUMANS we are used to. Everyone seems to treat this as just completely NORMAL.

Then the scientist explains how people have EVOLVED this way here, and how they took up this NEW SOCIAL CUSTOM of EATING ONLY THIS WAY, with their belly mouth.

Then we go on to the big plot twist, that the scientist ISN'T LIKE THEM, he is a HUMAN from EARTH, a DIFFERENT PLANET, where HIS ANCESTORS ARRIVED TRAVELLING THROUGH SPACE.

Then we discuss the MAIN CONFLICT of the STORY: how there is a DISCONNECT and ANIMOSITY between these two ALIEN (in this case Earth human) vs NATIVE PEOPLE due to the DIFFERENCES in EATING.

Where have I heard of such a story conflict before... hmmmmmm. Wasn't there a manga where two sets of differently evolved people couldn't agree because of differences in eating food? It was slightly different though with one set of people eating the other... but... it. was. the. SAME. d@amned. TOPIC.

Oooh, but the similarities end there, right? After all in this case we have a setting with space travel and aliens. Isn't it funny though how the author plays with our expectations of who are the aliens?

Hahaha, it's not like I had that theory about how those so called "demons" in that other manga were actually an alien species from space arriving there a long time ago... it's not like I thought "oh, what a refreshing take that would be on an alien invasion story"...

But nonononono, the similarities must end there, the cast is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, riiiiiight?! We don't have a dark haired recluse who learns to accept to be more open and trusting with others, there is no idealist who wants to make the impossible real and be friends with everyone even if they don't like them historically, and we DEFINITELY DO NOT HAVE ANYONE WITH... ARTIFICIALLY CREATED INTELLIGENCE, RIIIIIGHT?!?! Except, if my theory is right about Norman having been born out of a gene manipulation study at lambda...

Hehehehe... What weird coincidences these are! But you know, those other kids NEVER ESCAPE to the HUMAN WORLD. Oh, just a moment there, didn't I also have this theory on how the volume and chapter artwork was foreshadowing an escape to the human world...?

AAAAAAAAAAASSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFFFFSSGHFRGJHJJGRGBBD

KAIU SHIRAI-SAN AND POSUKA DEMIZU-SENSEI HOW DARE YOU... HOW DARE YOU BE THESE ABSOLUTELY GENIUS BEAUTIFUL BEASTS AND DECEIVE ME SOOOOO DEEPLY?! I EVEN THOUGHT WHEN I INITIALLY READ THAT ONESHOT HOW STRANGE IT WAS HOW IT WAS NOTHING LIKE YOUR PROMISED NEVERLAND....

YET THE THRUTH IS THAT IT IS ABSOLUTELY THE FRIGGIN PROMISED NEVERLAND IN A NUTSHELL!!!!!

*foams at the mouth while screams into the ether*

I am done. Officially done. These two mangakas have fried my brain... I can't even... never have I ever enjoyed thinking about a work of fiction so much...

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