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makochi-furin · 2 months

Note

Hii hii! I hope your doing okay today or tonight, I was wondering if you could write something for dazai (idm if it’s scenario, hc or mix of it and if you add another character you really want to write about).

The request basically is; a reader who finally told Dazai about their past abuser, how they got away with no consequences (who reader mentioned seeing sometimes in the city) and later said abuser goes to the agency on behalf their company to investigate missing items.

Stuff like this is really comforting for me so thank you if you do it :D I hope I put in enough detail for you to work with.

DAZAI AND CONSEQUENCES

A/N: baby, I’m so sorry, but this is long asf and I got a lil carried away💀 I’m also sorry it took a bit to get out. I work in a nursery, so I work 12 hours shifts, and this got to me slam in the middle of my first one (out of three in a row). If this isn’t what you wanted, you can send me in another ask :) But I hope you like it

WARNING(s): reader was in a physically abusive relationship in the past, mentions of PTSD, canon-typical violence, mentions of panic attacks, pissed off dazai, reader is a girl

—I'm gonna assume this is like a pt. 2 of this writing, but it can stand alone, too :)

—We all know Dazai is megamind over here. He sees EVERYTHING. Nothing goes unnoticed by him (which you probably find a little annoying, tbh, but oh, well). It's especially annoying when he knows things about you that you don't necessarily want him to know

—HOWEVER, if it's something that you physically and emotionally feel like you cannot talk about, like it brings you distress and discomfort, he's very unlikely to push you about it. Let's be honest, this man's probably never even told you the name of his parents. You don't even know if Dazai Osamu IS his real name, so he knows he hasn't got room to talk

—I feel like if Dazai noticed something about your mannerisms, or the way you act that very obviously speaks to past trauma, he'd ask you about it, like in my previous writing. If you're unable or unwilling to talk about it, he drops it. He SO desperately wants to know, but he cares for you too much to put you in any sort of emotional distress by pushing it

—When you do decide to open up to him, he's all ears. He knows how hard it is to speak about the shadows of your past, and he honestly is just so flattered that you trust him (he can't believe it, lmao. Like, three people in his life truly trust him) enough to tell him about it

—You were sitting on the edge of the bathtub in Osamu's apartment, absently watching him comb through his wet hair. The two of you had showered together, and you couldn't help but notice over the months of your relationship how much he had changed.

Osamu was flighty at first, and very distrustful. He wasn't a fan of placing himself in vulnerable positions. Not just to you, but to anyone. Yet, when you'd gently brought up his lack of self care, and how it made you sad to see the person you loved think so little of themselves, a change happened.

You helped, of course. At first, you reminded him to brush his teeth when he forgot, and then you began combing his hair. You'd point out when it was time to change his bandages, and call him to bed at an acceptable time because you knew he'd just stay up until the early hours of the morning (if he slept at all). Together, you two had even begun cooking meals, and he'd started to fill out a little bit.

Now, he made sure to do all of those things, even if you didn't remind him/cook with him, because he felt better, yes, but also because he could see how happy it made you.

He was still suffering from chronic depression, of course. You knew you couldn't fix that, and were thinking about gently bringing up a therapist to him, but he had gotten so much better. Even his coworkers noticed it.

Osamu dragged a comb through his brown waves, eyes narrowed as he focused intently on it. It meant so much to you. How could he not focus on it?

You knew it, too. He would've never made these changes for himself, but he had begun to trust that you had his best interest at heart. A few weeks ago, he'd even opened up about some of his own traumas surrounding Mori and the Port Mafia, about his best friend, Oda Sakunosuke.

Osamu trusted you.

That was why it felt so wrong to keep your own past from him, because he was finally starting to open up. You feared if you didn't return the favor, he'd wilt again. More so, you'd recently been catching yourself let parts of the story slip. Subconsciously, you wanted so badly to tell him.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" He asked lightly, brown eyes sparkling with so much affection that it had your breath catching. Osamu was watching you from the mirror.

You blinked, realizing you'd been out of it for a moment, lost in thought. In your lap, you fiddled with your fingers. Part of you wanted to shut down as your heart plummeted at the thought of reliving the worst of it...

But the way he looked at you, like you hung the sun and the stars, like he felt such fondness for you that 'I love you' simply didn't cut it...

It was time to tell him.

"Can... Can we talk?" you asked, surprised by the softness of your voice. It was almost ashamed, but you knew you shouldn't feel shame for what had happened to you.

Only, you were so scared he'd feel ashamed of you.

Osamu was a great aim, and he was smart as a whip, and he was oddly strong for his thin figure. He'd never let himself stay in the sort of situation you did. He'd fight back.

You felt so small.

He turned to look at you, leaning back on the bathroom counter. His eyes were gentle and knowing, and you couldn't tell if you were upset that he already knew what this was about, or relieved. "Of course," he said with a little smile, squatting down in front of you and taking your hands in his. "What about?"

You gulped, knowing there was no turning back now. If you told him this, you'd be trusting him with probably the worst part of your life. Even imagining it, the past with him, made you sick to your stomach.

You knew you'd backtrack if you didn't just rip it off like a bandaid.

"I overreact to things sometimes," you whispered, and he squeezed your hands. "I'm sure you've noticed it."

"I wouldn't use the word 'overreact.'"

You chewed on your lips nervously, staring into his eyes. Thankfully, all you saw there was understanding, but it was still so hard. "My ex beat me. For years... Anytime I did... anything, pretty much. It was bad." Your voice cracked as you continued, tears welling in your eyes. "I couldn't see my family... I ended up in the ER a few times. He broke me, Osamu. He had me convinced I'd never trust another man."

You waited with baited breath for his reaction, trying to hold in the tears. Your eyes stung and your breathing was speeding up into gasps, because you hadn't even told your family or closest friends the full extent of it.

Osamu looked oddly calm, but at the sight of your fallen tears, he got up to sit beside you. Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, he pulled you in close, flush against him, and kissed your temple. "Breathe, baby. It's all right now," he whispered, squeezing you close.

You couldn't stop it now, though. What had been building up since you left your ex was being released right here, right now. There was no turning back. Hot tears rolled down your cheeks and clouded your eyesight. Subconsciously, you grabbed his shirt in a tight grip and squeezed until your hand ached.

"He beat the shit out of me, and nothing ever happened," you continued, the anguish in your voice now laced by anger. "He broke my collarbone... my jaw—my ribs and my wrist. He made me feel like an ant, like I was so small, and I still feel that way now, and even after I left him... I'm still suffering, but he gets to go about his life like it was nothing. I couldn't even go to the police—he said he'd kill me," you got out through gasps, squeezing your eyes closed as your vision had started to darken at the edges, anyways.

Osamu's eyes flashed with something you didn't recognize, but all he knew to do was pull you in tighter. He placed a hand on your head and pulled you into his chest, and you certainly weren't trying to resist.

"It's not fair," you added, knowing how childish you sounded. Nothing was ever fair. Here you were, saying all this to a man who had probably done much worse than just break people's bones, complaining about fairness.

You weren't a child. You knew life wasn't fair, but that didn't mean it didn't fucking suck that it wasn't.

"Sometimes, I still see him, you know... In town, I—" You had to stop, otherwise you'd make it worse for yourself.

He held you close, rubbing your back and gently scratching your scalp as he whispered for you to breathe. Osamu knew you were about to land neck deep into a panic attack.

Eventually, he did get you calmed down. He got you to bed, made you a mug of hot chocolate, and read to you for about thirty minutes before you were able to catch your breath, his smooth voice calming you better than any benzo could.

In the end, you two lied down together, your back pressed to his front. The bandaged arm that was wrapped around your waist felt like a safety blanket. You were sure you'd be embarrassed about your outburst tomorrow, but for right now, you simply soaked up the feeling of him wrapped around you so snugly.

"You're not small," he whispered to you, and that was the last thing you remembered before passing out.

—Dazai doesn't seem different to you afterwards, in that he doesn't act differently towards you. You were worried at first that he'd see you differently, that he'd see you as being as weak as you saw yourself, but it was the furthest thing from. He respects the hell out of people who can go through such terrible things, and yet come out so kind, so good

—While he doesn't seem different, inwardly you can bet he's raging. Dazai is PISSED OFF, more than he's been in years. He's made great progress, but let's not forget that Dazai can be a cruel mf. He's got a darkness in him that he doesn't want you to see, but it is definitely there

—He doesn't press you for anymore details, but he can't help himself. He digs. He uses his brilliance to find out who the guy is, who his name is, and any time he feels even a slight bit of guilt at digging into your past life without your knowledge, he reminds himself of the injuries you listed.

—You thought he'd forget the things you admitted during your confession? PLEASE. He needs to know everything about this fucking piece of work. If he has a photo, he might even text it to Chuuya, along with a message "wanted alive," and you best bet Chuuya takes it seriously (even if he hates Dazai, lmao) because just by LOOKING at the photo of this guy, everyone can tell he's an asshole. And you still see this mf sometimes? Man is RAGING

—Dazai stands on business, because seeing you so torn up about it physically hurts him. It makes his heart ache every time he remembers you in that state. He can't fucking stand it, and he has to do something about it

—Your words about it being unfair haunt him in his nightmares. You're right to a degree: the world isn't fair. However, Dazai knows that if it takes him a million years, he's gonna make this shit fair

—Then, what do you know, one day he's at the office and Atsushi comes strolling in with a Manila folder and the piece of shit, himself. There he is, practically served to Dazai on a silver platter

—"This is Tanaka Jiro," Atsushi chirped, missing the way Dazai's eyes widened when he saw the new client. "He's here on behalf of the engineering company that got broken into last night."

Dazai sat up in his chair, staring right at the man who had the gall to make you feel small and weak. His eyes darkened, and then he slowly smiled. It wasn't happy or gentle, or even playful and teasing.

He smiled like Mori smiled.

In that moment, if his coat was black instead of tan, he'd look the picture of his younger, crueler self. He supposed that part of him never went away, always there just at the edge of his subconscious.

He promised Odasaku that he'd push it away, that he'd do good. However, he felt that even Odasaku, his kind friend, would understand the necessity of it now.

Immediately, he jumped out of his chair and made his way over. His hand landed on Atsushi's hair, giving it a playful ruffle. As he looked at him, his eyes softened. "Maa, Atsushi-kun. You work too hard, you know. I'll take this case for you."

Atsushi stared at him with obvious shock, eyes wide and jaw on the floor, because Dazai never, ever volunteered to work. If anything, he complained about it like a child.

"D-Dazai-san?" he breathed, in disbelief. It looked like he thought someone had killed the real Dazai, and was now acting in his place.

"Ah, ah," Dazai chirped, shoving Atsushi away. "Go do normal teenager things. Flirt, make friends," his voice trailed off as his gaze slid to Tanaka, your ex, and the smirk lifted his lips once more, eyes flashing dangerously, "all of that."

"O-Okay," Atsushi mumbled, still in shock. He recovered quickly, smiling brightly at Tanaka. "Dazai-san is a very good detective, Tanaka-san. You're in good hands!" he promised.

Tanaka smiled back, and seeing the bastard have the audacity to smile had Dazai seething internally.

Maybe, he'd take all his teeth, so that he could never smile again.

"Thank you for your help, Nakajima-kun," Tanaka said, nodding.

As Atsushi walked off, Dazai tilted his head to the side, his plan already formed. "Follow me to answer some questions, and then I'll begin investigating right away."

—For Dazai's plan to pay off, he needs to figure out who broke into the company. It wasn't a planned event, and he quickly figured out the guy who did it probably had no connection to the company (probably just a low down thief looking for some quick cash), which made it more difficult. It was the sort of not-really-a-big-deal crime that the agency would usually put on the back burner (the only reason it even came to them was because the thief was figured to be gifted), but Dazai worked tirelessly at it

—He interviewed people, looked over documents from dusk to dawn, and just generally put in a hell of a lot more effort for this than he usually would for some petty theft

—You probably even notice how hard he's working. There are bags under his eyes and he's back to not taking very good care of himself, but when you ask about it (obviously worried), he just smiles gently, kisses you, and assures you that he'll have this case figured out in no time. He doesn't want you anywhere near this

—When he does find the criminal, their interaction goes something like this:

"I know you did it. Give me the shit you stole, and I'll let you off."

"Bet."

—He has this part meticulously planned out. While your ex is in work one day, Dazai plants the stolen items in his car, and then calls the company security

—He watches with glee as he's dragged from the building, kicking and screaming like an enraged toddler, and fired on the spot. Your ex's livelihood? Gone. Phase one? Completed

—Dazai sat at his desk with a satisfied smile, chin resting in the palm of his hand as he counted down in his head. Everyone else is entrenched in their own workloads, barely even noticing the malicious sparkle in Dazai's eyes.

Soon enough, the door bursted open, and your ex came running in. His eyes were rimmed red, like he'd been crying, and he was flushed all over from rage. "What the fuck did you do?!" he demanded, pointing at Dazai.

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently, standing and walking over with the same smile.

Everyone else stopped what they were doing, watching the scene with widened, or curious eyes. This sort of thing didn't happen much at the ADA.

"You know what the fuck I mean, you piece of shit!" Tanaka screamed in his face, and it only made Dazai's smile widen. When he saw this, he hissed, "I think we should take this outside."

"Hold on," demanded Atsushi, immediately standing from his desk, along with Kyouka and Kenji.

Dazai didn't even look at them, staring into Tanaka's eyes, as he held up his hand to stop them in their tracks. The smile melted off his face, replaced by a cold glare and lips pressed into a line. "I'm fine," he assured them, light tone not at all matching his expression.

"But—Dazai-san," Atsushi mumbled, eyes flickering between Dazai and Tanaka.

"You guys are so dramatic," Ranpo said with a roll of his eyes, absently watching the scene from his desk, which his feet were propped up on. "Dazai-kun said it's fine."

Dazai tilted his head mockingly at Tanaka. "Are we going outside?"

That, they did. Tanaka stomped down the stairs and through the cafe, out onto the crowded streets of Yokohama.

Dazai followed, of course, even as Tanaka led him towards a darkened alleyway, obstructed from the view of the general public. Inwardly, he thought that this guy was making it way too easy. He was an idiot.

Tanaka stared at the dead end wall for a minute, and then let out a cry of rage, turned on his heel, and began running at Dazai with his arm pulled back and his hand clenched into a fist.

Nonplussed, Dazai side stepped it, loving every minute of the surprise on Tanaka's face. "What? Did you think fighting someone your own size would be as easy as beating on a girl?"

That had Tanaka freezing immediately. "What the fuck are you talking about?" he growled out, and Dazai almost laughed at his attempt to be menacing and scary.

Right on time, a black SUV pulled up. He might not be in the mafia anymore, but Dazai had plenty of contacts from it. When masked men jumped out of the vehicle, surrounding Tanaka, Dazai smirked at the look of pure terror on his face.

"Don't play dumb. You aren't handsome enough to pull it off," he said lightly, and then laughed as Tanaka tried to call for help.

He was knocked out before he could.

When he awoke, eyes all bleary and with a searing headache, he was in a big, dark warehouse. It was old and beaten, with leaking pipes and creaky doors. He was sitting in a chair, hands cuffed together behind him.

Tanaka screamed.

Dazai walked in front of him casually, hands tucked into his pockets. "Scream all you like. No one will hear you," he said.

"Why are you doing this?! Who even are you, man?!" Tanaka cried, the tears falling down his cheeks. He looked so pathetic.

Dazai loved every second of it.

He hummed, walking forward until he was right in front of the bastard, footsteps echoing around the wide open space. Grabbing a fist full of Tanaka's hair, Dazai yanked his head back, so he'd be looking up at him, so he could see the icy glare, the hate.

"You hurt someone I'm very fond," Dazai said softly, tilting his head. "You hurt someone I love... And ever since she told me, I've been thinking of ways to make it fair for her. It's all I've thought about.

"She's not like you and me, you know. She's kind. She's sweet. She's good. You," Dazai scoffed, "you're pathetic. A man who has to beat defenseless women to feel good about himself is no man." When he leaned in close, so his lips were inching his ear, Tanaka whimpered. "And me? I'm the worst of the worst."

Now, all Tanaka could do was cry and plead, but Dazai wasn't having any of it. He let go of Tanaka's hair, letting his head fall limply, enjoying the sounds of his uttered prayer. "No god can save you from me," he told him in a pleasant voice, taking a few steps back.

Dazai crossed his arms and hummed thoughtfully, making a show of it. "I thought I could just kill you, but that's not really fair, is it? She has to live with what you did to her, and I think the fairest thing would be if you have to live with what I do to you."

"You're fucking psychotic," Tanaka whispered.

"Ah," Dazai agreed easily. "I've always been more of a proponent of revenge, rather than justice. See, she probably just wishes you'd have gone to jail." His casual tone melted into something deeper and smoother, deadlier. "Whereas I'm more of an eye-for-an-eye kind of guy, so..." He pursed his lips in faux thought, looking up at the ceiling. "What was it she said?"

Tanaka stared at him in horror, especially when Dazai stared him straight in the eye and smiled.

"Right. Broken jaw, collarbone, ribs, and wrist!" He said, snapping as if he'd just remembered it, as if your broken confession hadn't been causing him physical pain this whole time. "I have plenty of history with breaking jaws, so I guess we'll start there. What do you say?" he asked brightly.

Tanaka screamed again, the sound becoming a cry of raw terror as Dazai began walking towards him.

An hour later, Tanaka still sat in his chair, still handcuffed, but he was bloody and bruised. Every injury he inflicted on you, Dazai returned tenfold. He was delirious with pain, and in and out of consciousness.

Dazai grunted when he looked down at his hands, seeing the blood that absolutely coated his knuckles and bandages. He'd have to clean that up before coming home to you.

"You up?" he asked, walking closer.

When Tanaka immediately flinched back, Dazai hummed with satisfaction.

"I won't kill you," he said, as if he was doing Tanaka some great favor. "You're going to go about your pathetic, little life with no job, and every time you look at yourself, you'll remember this pain. You'll finally feel at least a fraction of what she did."

Tanaka just whimpered. It was hard to speak with a shattered jaw.

Dazai smiled at the sound, crouching down in front of him to force Tanaka to look him in the face, in the eyes. "The men who kidnapped you are going to drop you off at a hospital. They'll ask what happened, and you'll be tempted to tell them. So," his tone lowered into a hiss, breaking the somewhat casual facade now that Tanaka had physically felt his anger. There was no point hiding it now. "I'll tell you the same thing you told her at her lowest point, that defenseless girl who didn't stand a chance against a piece of shit like you: tell the cops, and I'll kill you."

Dazai stood, jaw clenched. "And I'll be watching you from now. Step a toe out of line, hurt anyone else, and I'll bring you right back here. Only, that time, I'll probably just go ahead and do the whole world a favor, and shoot you in the head.

"I bet no one would miss you at all, because that's how small you are."

With that, he walked away.

—I know that was pretty brutal, but to be honest, y'all, Dazai was a whole ass executive in the PM (the 'demon prodigy'). He tries to hold it back in the ADA (per his promise to Oda and his care for the others), but let's not kid ourselves. The guy does have the capacity to do some really evil shit, and I think if he'd do it for anyone, it'd be you

—It just pisses him off so much to feel helpless, especially when it comes to you. He couldn't save you, then, but he can damn well set the record straight. In his head, he had to do something. At the very least, he had to stop this guy from doing it again

—You were eating dinner with him that night, and hadn't really noticed anything out of the ordinary. Both of you were just sitting at the counter, digging into some instant ramen, and you probably wouldn't have noticed if you didn't pay such close attention to him.

There was a speck of blood on the collar of his coat.

"Hey, what happened?" you asked, concern pinching together your brows. Worried eyes scanned him over, looking for any sign of injury. You found none, though.

"It's not mine," Osamu answered, and then took a bite of his food, looking pointedly away from you.

You pursed your lips, tapping his wrist. "We don't lie to each other, O-sa-mu."

He couldn't help but smile a little at your tone. His eyes finally met your's, and he tapped your wrist back. "It's not a lie. It's-not-mine."

"It's a lie by omission if you don't tell me what happened."

You were terribly confused when his eyes softened, and then he gently pressed his hand to the back of your head, bringing you closer until your foreheads were touching. "What's wrong?" you mumbled.

"I can't tell you everything," he admitted slowly, eyes shut. He looked so peaceful, like he was where he was meant to me. Honestly, when Osamu was all soft like this, it took your breath away.

"Then tell me part of it," you breathed, reaching up to cup your hand around his neck. "Did something happen?"

He stayed quiet for a long time, though you didn't know how long. It was like he was contemplating something serious, and that both confused and worried you.

When he finally did speak, it felt like time froze. Everything froze.

"I made it fair. He won't ever hurt anyone else again. I made sure of it."

The words were a whispered promise, and you automatically knew what he was talking about, of course. He was mysterious, and he had been distrustful at first, and you knew he had once been in the mafia, but he was also the person you trusted the most in the world.

Osamu always went above and beyond for you, and you didn't feel as safe anywhere as you did with him.

You believed him wholeheartedly, and found that this admission was enough. You didn't need to know the details, and probably wouldn't want to.

The relief you felt was enough.

"Thank you, Osamu."

—Look, he's so bby girl with you, but he don't play when it comes to your abusive ex💀

—Just... just honestly don't fuck with the people this guy loves, okay? He's gd diabolical, and he can be so cruel to those that hurt who he cares about, so... Just watch it if you're tryna show out to his girl, okay, lmao

#dazai osamu x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x you #osamu dazai x you #dazai x you #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #makochi’s hc/scenario mix

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venerawrites · 4 months

Note

Silco x reader headcanons?

author's note: I swear, the things this man makes me feel... whew! Anyway, this is my first request for Arcane and I was so excited to write it! Thought it would be interesting if I made reader a councillor since I always see headcanons for him with an employee. Hope you enjoy and thank you so much for requesting! <3

All his life, Silco thought he would either remain a bachelor or eventually get with one of his employees. He didn't care much about finding a partner - taking care of Zaun and Jinx was already enough responsibility. Having someone to demand more of his time and attention was the last thing he needed.

But fate had a wicked sense of humour, so when you sent some of your bodyguards to go and arrange a meeting with him, his interest peaked. A councillor from Piltover seeking him? My, my, that would be interesting.

The initial arrangement was a simple alliance - Silco was supposed to keep the undercity's movements for freedom in check, as well as keep Jinx away from the topside. You, on the other hand, promised to provide information about all upcoming decisions and changes in the law approved by the Council.

He usually would never agree to trade with someone from the other side of the bridge, but something about you intrigued him. You were born and raised in Zaun, yet somehow made your way into the City of Progress and climbed the political ladder till you got to the top. While you claimed you had Piltover's best interest in mind, he couldn't help but be suspicious of where your loyalty truly lies.

Listen, Silco may think innocence and naivety are cute, but what truly attracts him is power. Brains. Someone who knows what they want and how to get it. Someone like YOU.

Soon the political dealings started to become more... intimate. Perhaps because none of you had a romantic partner, or simply because your secret meetings always took place late at night in his office, but it did not take long for your verbal exchange to become physical.

First, there were lingering gazes. He followed each one of your moves, almost like a hunter waiting for the right time to attack. Later, you started closing the distance, often circling him while you pried information about the latest rebellion news in the city. Your hands sometimes found their way to his shoulder or arm, gently squeezing his muscles or dragging your nails down his skin.

The eye of Zaun tried not to fall for your charms. He really did. But as you were luring him in, like a siren, how could he stay away? Plus, it didn't have to mean anything, right? Both of you were interested in influence and power, not love, so it wouldn't hurt if he just gave in to his desires at least once.

Except it wasn't just once.

After having a taste, he couldn't stay away. He would never admit it, but he definitely fell first. For you, it was all fun and games, but for him, it was a completely new experience. Sure, he fell in love once when he was a young adult, but it couldn't compare to what he was feeling toward you now.

God knew how much he hated himself for catching feelings. And for a councillor, of all people?

He tried to hide them for a while, but the way he grew up to be super possessive of you made his intentions clear as day. He liked to keep you as long as he could with him, delaying your meetings on purpose just so he could spend more time with you. He also asked to see you more often than your arranged meetings and if you said no, he would just show up at your home in Piltover, completely unbothered by the fact that you could call security on him at any point.

It would be a lie if you said his behaviour didn't trigger anything in you. You've met many men who were manipulative and calculating, but no one who was like him. His whole existence screamed 'DANGER' and by the time you realised you should not get involved with him on any level deeper than just physical intimacy, you were already a victim to his charm.

Being from two different worlds - one dark and dangerous, the other one safe and progressive - your relationship was pretty toxic. There is a constant distrust between you and quite a lot of arguments, especially in the beginning.

Slowly he started to open up to you, letting you know about his dreams for Zaun and his rocky relationship with Jinx. You also shared your story of how you escaped the streets of the Undercity and eventually earned your seat on the Council.

Jealosy is something you both possess and is a common cause for conflict between you. Silco sees competition in any male in Piltover (after all he has 0 influence over there, so he could never make an official claim over you!), while you severely disliked how obedient all his female employees are, especially Sevika. He finds your annoyance quite amusing, but he likes seeing that side of you, so he never really tries to reassure or comfort you.

He is not really romantic, but from time to time he likes to randomly give you gifts. He always tries to play it off, as if he didn't put any thought it in or if he just randomly saw an object in his house he thought you may like, but the amount of effort was visible in the beautiful packaging and the hand-written card. He especially likes giving you jewellery and making you wear it during your Council meetings.

Without a doubt he would try to influence you to give up your seat and join him and his cause. After all, you were born in the Undercity and is where you belonged.

As you won't give into his request and he doesn't want to give up on you either, your relationship would cause a lot of chaos and tension between the cities. Silco would often send either Jinx or one of his workers to go a cause mischief in Piltover, just to spite you. Every time you confront him, however, he would deny, a small mocking smile on his lips.

Overall, very toxic, but highly exciting relationship. He would burn the world for you to belong to him and ONLY him, and no matter what he did, you just couldn't stay away.

cc artwork: "Arcane" concept art

#silco x reader #arcane silco #arcane imagines #arcane requests #silco x you #silco headcanons

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mermaidfanficlibrary · 10 months

Note

oh ok, then I'd like to request phony by tsumiki (I think?) with furina, wanderer and childe

idrc abt whatever else is in the fic, it could be fluff or angst (maybe that's more for furina or wanderer since the lyrics are abt not knowing their purpose/who they are)

I think that's all I need to write to request-

thank you <33!!

.·:🎼¨༺ Songs from the heart ༻¨🎼:·. | Phony

Characters: Wanderer, Furina, Childe

Song: Phony by Tsumiki

youtube

Warnings: Angst, identity crisis

A/U: Self aware genshin AU

CHILDE

You were doing a domain with Childe, obviously because you loved fighting in domains with him. He was doing really well, hitting high numbers, but the world around him paused. He knew this wasn’t a normal pause as you open one of the various menus of the game, but it was him having a sudden realization. Childe was used to you playing music as you fought during domains, but this one particular song struck a chord within him. You had thought you game broke because Childe was just standing still, but wasn't taking any damage.

“The rain of despair pelts my umbrella and. Dampens my bangs and the hidden side of my heart”

That one lyric out of this whole song made him snap. All of a sudden you had control over him and his numbers were a lot higher. Childe was putting a lot more force into his attacks. You didn't notice, but this song was heavily affecting him. That one lyric connected to him more than anyone else, and the fact that it was coming from you made it even worse. He tried to think why this one lyric hit so hard to him.

This feeling hit him like a tidal wave, not knowing what to do or say. After you exited the domain, he just stared at you. He had this feeling that you were punishing him for hiding so much from you. The previous times where he hid the truth, not revealing who he truly was or what his intentions were. He hated himself that he had to lie to you, the deception he subjected to you.

He was sincerely remorseful about ever deceiving you, but it was for the greater good. If you had known, he was sure that you would have hated him. You just had Childe stand outside the domain, trying to figure out what you needed to do next, while Chide was having an anxiety attack. His eyes were shaky, and his hands were trembling as he couldn’t still his racing mind. He was sure that you must have hated him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t try hard enough to hide my truths from you.”

WANDERER

Wanderer may have seemed annoyed that you had him on the field to do boss fights, but deep down he was very prideful and proud about it. Of course you chose him out of all the others that you had, he was the best out of all of them anyway. Wanderer had this smirk on his face after every boss he had defeated, but that smirk disappeared as he heard a song play. This was normal, you obviously needed background noise, but this one song cause Wanderer’s mind to spiral. He didn’t know what to do as he felt trapped, but one lyric made it even worse.

“I can’t understand even the simplest of things; what even am I?”

He paused in the middle of his attack, the wind he was using quickly dissipated from his hand. All his memories came flooding back to him, as he tried to compose himself. Wanderer thought he was over this, he already confronted his past. So why was it all coming back to him so suddenly? It didn’t make any sense to him, especially since it was triggered by that one lyric. It was true, he didn’t understand anything, even after all the work he had done to understand humans.

He internalized this lyric and started to think it was how you saw him, but it didn’t cross his mind that it was how you saw yourself. You noticed that Wanderer wasn’t fighting anymore, thinking it was odd, so you decided to move him to a teleporter. You didn’t know if it was the game glitching or what, but you just let the game run on its own, hoping it would be fixed by itself. Wanderer started to cry, he didn’t think such a simple song could affect him and cause him to have a panic attack. He looked at you, hoping you would notice his pain in his eyes.

Wanderer kept his sole focus on you, trying to make sense of the purpose of the song that was playing. Were you trying to give him a sign, perhaps, or were you simply telling him you didn’t see him as what he wanted. His mind spiraled as he kept thinking on why you played that song, and if you even chose to play it. Wanderer didn’t want to accept the reality that he wasn’t real to you, that he was just a mere puppet with no emotions. As the screen dimmed, you still waiting for the game to fix itself, his eyes stared on with disbelief.

“Am I even real to you, creator?”

FURINA

Furina was skipping, even if you couldn’t see it through the screen, as you explored with her. She loved that someone as prestigious as you thought of her to be good for the job. She hummed to herself, seemingly enjoying the music that was playing in the background. You were fighting some monsters in Fontaine, and she was more than delighted to reign victorious, even if they were easy enemies. That delighted feeling got sucked out of her the moment she heard the song change to one that she couldn’t help but connect too.

“I cried, still unable to say even goodbye, phony phony phony. Tangled up in lies, I am a phony”

She felt tears well up in her eyes instantly. She couldn’t stop herself from crying, as she froze in front of the items of the fallen enemy that was just defeated. Her eyes were darting everywhere, trying to not focus on this one lyric. Furina instantly came to the conclusion that you saw her as a phony. She couldn’t blame you, however, since she felt like one herself. She wasn’t the true Hydro Archon after all, so what was she meant to be?

Tears feel onto the sand that she was standing upon, causing it to clump together. Her eyes stayed away from you, she couldn’t bring herself to even see you looking at her. She felt so much guilt and fear that you didn’t see her as anything but a phony. Furina tried her best to pull herself out of this negative spiral. She fell to her knees, more tears overwhelming her vision.

You hadn’t noticed as you became distracted with the music playing. Furina had held her hands as if she were praying to you. Her eyes were wide as she was fighting herself in her mind. Her breathing became labored as more tears fell around her. She started to yell out to you, hoping you’d hear her pleas.

“I’m not a phony! I’m not. I’m not. I’m not! Why won’t you believe me, oh great creator?”

Do not repost or translate without my explicit permission! Reblogs are welcome!

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yandere-yearnings · 2 months

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I won't keep this up for very long, but I think I do owe it to all my mutuals, followers and those who'd just browse on occasion or who found a safe space in this blog.

My previous account under the same name disappeared about a week ago, and it was sudden enough that I'm sure some of you may have chalked it up to Tumblr deactivating it. In actuality, it was because I deleted it myself.

I haven't been in the best mental state as of recently, even before I first started the blog, but I thought things would get better over time. My intention isn't to turn this into a rant or vent, so I won't expand but, I think all the self-imposed pressure I was placing on myself to write, paired with other factors had just pushed me to the point of breaking. I had a panic attack, and didn't give myself the time to calm down and think things through after, when I had decided to just give up.

My biggest regret is not making at least one final post, because I know how jarring it can be to have someone there one second, and find out they're gone the next. I can't imagine the worry I put some of my friends on here through, nor can I ever apologise enough that I still won't feel guilty.

I have a habit of leaving abruptly like that when I'm overwhelmed. Every time I promise myself I won't do it again, I end up breaking it. At the very least, this time, I'll try and have realistic expectations of myself and take breaks when I need them instead of impulsively deleting weeks and months of time and effort.

It's ironic to me because I'm the type of person who saves every single thing I write just in case anything happens, but I didn't do that with most of the content that I had on this blog — because I wasn't expecting things to turn out this way. Some of my works are probably still floating around Tumblr thanks to reblogs, so if anyone sees anything and lets me know, it'd help me find them again. For the most part, I'll probably have to start over from scratch anyway.

Unfortunately, all my unanswered asks are also gone, and I had a lot of them. I'll try to put out things for the ones I can remember somewhat. If you've sent any in that I never came around to, you're free to send them in again if you still want a response.

This got lengthier than I anticipated, but I hope it was a sufficient enough explanation. I'm sincerely sorry for any distress or just negative feelings I may have caused. I'm sorry to my mutuals who I left without even trying to talk to. I'm sorry that I took away a safe space for some of my followers, because I used to get the sweetest messages about how my writing helped and how my ocs would make everything feel less lonely. I truly hope this can become a place like that again. I'm gonna try my absolute best.

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super-paper · 4 months

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Could it be that Izuku thinking that in 420, was him trying to understand how smashing Tenkos spirit/vestige didn't affect AFO?? As in, Izuku was sure they were connect, so if one disappears the other should too. So when Tenkos spirit crumbles because of AFOs trump card, why didn't AFOs vestige leave too? (Although that still doesn't erase Izukus' ooc behavior.. and lack of total concern or intention to apparently save Tenko.) Then again, he did keep punching away at Tenkos body, so even if he only wanted to hit AFO, Tenko (or at least his body) was also getting hit. The only thing I can think of that paints Izuku in a slightly better light would be if he truly thought Tenko was gone and it was just an empty shell being used by AFO. But then he still didn't react at all during their dialogue.... or after seeing Tenkos vestige crumble away

Yeah, it's frustrating because I feel we just aren't getting enough insight into Izuku's personal thoughts and feelings to truly gauge what's going through his head and get a good sense of what his intentions were for this stretch of the story (420-423). There's just not enough focus on Izuku himself to point the readers towards any one conclusion, even though these chapters have ironically been all about Izuku and the mark he's made on the world.

Like... a lot of the chapters leading up to the climax of Izuku/Tenko's fight (417-419) involve the vestiges interjecting to narrate Izuku's thoughts/feelings/actions which... while I do like the vestiges, I feel like they ultimately took something away from Izuku and Tenko's fight and made it feel less intimate (for lack of a better word).

And because there's such focus placed on the vestiges and their reactions/dialog/conversations, it lends to the impression that Izuku himself has made very little effort to actually communicate with Tenko during their fight ("But Tenko was trying to kill him and wasn't interested in talking" like, fair enough, but this argument only goes so far when you compare Izuku and Tenko's fight to the fights between Ochako/Himiko + Shouto/Touya + Shouji/Spinner-- Ochako, Shouto, and Shouji both spend most of their fight trying to talk their villains down and don't give up on communicating even when their villains shout them down and attack them). Before 417-419, I believe all of Izuku's direct dialog to Tenko amounts to three lines: "I won't let you do that, but I won't ignore the you that was crying either" and "It's all connected, somewhere within you is a person" and "I already told you, I won't give up on that crying boy"-- which are all fantastic lines! But ultimately, I think the fans are justified in having wanted more from their fight. These are also lines that Izuku says in response to Tenko's statements-- they aren't Izuku attempting to initiate a conversation for himself.

Ultimately, 417-419 feel like the only truly intimate chapters between Izuku/Tenko, and these are the chapters where they both just start to finally understand each other-- only for things to immediately get cut short by AFO. Their arc feels painfully incomplete as a result.

Anyway, I'm still 100% convinced the chapter would have landed a helluva lot better with more introspection and focus on Izuku's feelings/reactions to Tenko specifically-- people would still (quite rightfully) be upset with Tenko's potential death, but like, I think there would be more willingness to approach this chapter as a potential fake out and more willingness to give the series the benefit of the doubt (of course if it's not a fake out I'll just evaporate myself lol).

Usually Horikoshi is excellent when it comes to utilizing composition + paneling + symbolism to convey the hidden emotions/hesitation of his characters (chapter 270 my beloved), which only adds to the disappointment. I'm hoping for some volume fixes, and I don't know if there might be something going on behind the scenes (like, if there's maybe a chapter limit that's restricting him because he only has enough story for one more volume and needs to condense things???). But for now, I'll just pray that the next chapter salvages things, even if it can't completely fix the damage 423 has done.

#sophie.txt #mha spoilers

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eydi-andrius · 1 year

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Ugly Crying (Choso x Reader)

pairings: Choso x Reader

prompt: "Hey, come on now, you look ugly crying, *sighs* if I let you capture me this time, will you stop crying?" "Really? you would do that for me? that's surprisingly sweet" "Anything to stop you from ugly crying, it's pathetic" "I take it back"

cw/tw: just normal jjk battle but other than that none

a/n: Special thanks to @akmwrites, these prompts provided a handful of inspiration for a writing break hehe I changed a bit of the prompts to fit the theme for JJK. Hope you all like it! 🥰

This was one of the Mischievous Villains and Irritated Heroes drabbles from my masterlist.

(P.S. I will update the masterlist tomorrow)

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Bored. It has been a while since you started fighting this human-like curse. But he only wore the same expression. As if your very best on a fight was a nuisance to him.

It started last month. You have met him wandering around the market. Looking so human. Acting so human as he asked the prices of the goods and checking the freshness of vegetables and fruits.

You tailed him, made sure to put a barrier, before he did a sharp turn on a narrow path and in there he confronted you if you were following him. Instead of replying, you started attacking. There is no way to convince a curse so why even start a conversation.

However, he always, somehow, was able to run away before you could finish a fight.

He would stop midway the battle, as if someone was communicating with him inside his head, then he would vanish. He was even able to break the barrier you set up, all the time.

That wonders you a lot because only the most capable curses could do something like that. Yet, your fights always ended up with him running away instead of killing you.

Meanwhile, no matter how strong your attacks were, he just looks the same. He seems bored. If he wore a suit, the best way to describe his expression was a corporate slave who was doing the work for money. Exhausted, tired and lifeless.

There are a couple of times his eyes widen in surprise though. And that makes you happy because you feel seen. His eyes usually turn bigger if you do an incredible curse technique. You felt seen and recognized. However, eventually, his face will go back to how it started. Bored.

You truly do not know if his intention was to insult you but it was working quite well.

Especially on this particular day and fight. You happen to meet him by chance, in the area where they sell antiques and there's a rare number of customers that visit everyday.

Without hesitation, you put up a barrier and started the attack. He immediately jumped back completely evading your quick move.

He seems faster and his reflexes more accurate. There is no delay on how fast he jumps around to avoid your attacks.

Since meeting him, you have practiced everyday and you always imagine how this day would end. Finally, killing or capturing this curse who called himself Choso.

He jumped around the whole time without attacking but no matter how new your move or if you surprised him, his face never wavers nor his eyes widened in shock. He was stoic and bored.

After some time of chasing around like cat and mouse, you realized that he obviously was playing with you. Your limbs were shaking from accumulating rage and anger as you tightened your position, preparing for twice powerful cursed technique.

You breathe in, deeply, preparing your whole body to a stance for an attack. Your mouth slowly turning into "O" and your eyes sharpening with renewed strength. With a yell, you run full force towards him. Much faster, much greater than before. You are moving forward towards his direction….3…2…and BAM!

A loud bang echoed in all corners of the barrier. It was so loud to the point that you would have suspected that there must be a bomb that went off in the middle of the war. But there wasn't.

In fact, It seems like it was you who made that booming sound.

No. It was your body hitting the ground, full force, when you tripped at the debris, casually lodging in the middle of the street.

Eyes swimming with black and white spots, you tried to blink them away. Your face hurts, your nose aching from the impact. There was a sound of falling liquid captured by your ringing ears. Only for you to see and realize that your nose was bleeding. You tried to clean them up with your hands, only for you to smear it more in your hands and in your face.

"Are you okay?" You looked up when you heard his concerned voice. His brow furrowed, which was akin to worry. He was sitting from afar but closer than he had been throughout the fight.

The image of your enemy unscatched and imagining your face bleeding from your own clumsiness had made a tear escape your eyes and run down your cheeks. You made a choked sound before you let the dam go and bawled your heart out.

Your family has always been worried about you. Despite being gifted as a sorcerer, they always pushed you to lead the business side of the family.

You always find the idea silly and dumb. Who would force one of their promising sorcerers in the family to do mortal business instead? That's absurd.

But the very idea of that silly little suggestion had hit you like a truck today. It was so obvious but you choose to remain oblivious.

You were too soft to be a sorcerer.

You had the power, the promise but you were just simply unfit to be one.

Because you cry a lot.

Of course, tears were no sign of weakness. But gods, you just cry a lot, especially when you are embarrassed.

"Hey, come on now, you look ugly crying. If I let you capture me this time, will you stop crying?"

Choso finally spoke after witnessing your utter failure and embarrassing breakdown. He gave out a deep sigh and offered you a clean, white handkerchief.

"Really? You would do that for me? that's surprisingly sweet."

Without hesitation, you grabbed his handkerchief and mumbled a quiet thank you. You wiped your tears first before blowing your nose.

Somehow, the air of hostility shifted to neutral ground.

"Anything to stop you from ugly crying..…you look pathetic for a sorcerer your grade."

He was supposed to quietly mumble that, probably a thought that was intended to be left unsaid, but his mistake was making you hear that loud and clear.

And the way he eyed you? He was appraising your skills and maybe your credibility too. What an asshole!

"I'll take it back! I will kill you!"

This was the war cry you screamed at the top of your lungs before the fight restarted again. But this time, you meant to hurt him. To end him!

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The fight ended with Choso winning. He brought your tired, battered and sleeping body to Shoko.

Good thing his brother, Yuji, was there and he greeted him with a smile but it quickly turned into a frown when he and his friends, Megumi and Nobura, realized that he was carrying your bloody body in his arms.

No serious trauma or injury. Just like he predicted and intended as he used his cursed techniques to protect you from your immature usage of cursed energy. He realized that when you are mad, you forget all of your training and just attack as strongly as you could. Not thinking that your own curse energy can destroy your body when you are out of focus. It surprised him a lot that a child who came from a family of cursed users was oblivious to her own strength.

He deep sighed as Shoko confirmed that you will be fine. Perhaps in a lot of pain but you can take it.

He was just planning to tease you a bit since you looked so naive for not realizing that he was no enemy but an ally.

He surmised that he must have overdone it.

What can he say though? You were so adorable when annoyed. Just like a cute puppy when being teased.

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You woke up, groggily and in pain, on a soft bed and the sterile smell of Shoko's clinic.

It was Yuji who walked towards you and sat at the chair beside your bed to ask you if you were feeling well once the dizzy spell of sleep went away.

All you did was blink at him and you saw from your peripheral that Shoko gave him a glass of water.

He helped you up and he tipped the glass slowly so you could drink it. He mumbled the word "slowly, careful" as the cold water quenched your dried lips, mouth and throat. It feels like an oasis in the middle of the desert.

Once satisfied, he put down the glass and helped you to sit up and lean on the headboard of the bed.

"I am glad you are okay now. Thank God my brother found you!" He grinned and you smiled at him. His energy renewed any fatigue you felt from sleeping, maybe for days.

"Is your brother in here? I'd like to thank him then."

You do not know what happened to the fight. Your memories were still foggy and a bit puzzling. It hurts whenever you try to remember anything that day. Maybe Yuji's brother could help you with all the questions inside your confused brain.

"He went out to buy fruits. I think he will be back so— "

Yuji was cut off when the door creaked and it slowly opened.

"Oh! Speaking of who! Brother, she's awake!"

He looked at the person slowly entering the door so you focused your whole attention to this brother Yuji was talking about.

It was his sleeve you first noticed, it was loose and light tanned. He had huge hands as he held the door handle and pushed the door.

Your eyes traveled from his hands, to his arm, upto his shoulders until the door opened wide enough to reveal his pale face with a blood mark which extends from both sides of his face across the bridge of his nose. His dark purple eyes and slightly thin eyebrow was sporting his usual "bored" look. His long stringy hair tied into two high ponytails that jut upward and outward was familiar.

That was the first time you have heard of Yuji having a brother. A curse on top of that.

The human-like curse you were trying to kill for weeks. That was him. He was an ally. He is related to Yuji.

The moment he drank in your surprised face, he can't help but give you a devilish smile.

#choso x reader #jjk men drabbles #jjk men #choso jjk #choso imagine #jujutsu kaisen choso #choso babygirl #choso x you #choso x y/n #choso x female reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #eydi andrius #fic: ugly crying #chousou #chousou x reader

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pencil-peach · 8 months

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G Witch Onscreen Text: Episode 23

Welcome back to Part 24 of my Episode by Episode analysis of G Witch and its onscreen text! We're on Episode 23: Unrelenting Tenderness.

<< If it's too much tenderness, you can return to The Woven Path. Or you can go to the Masterpost.

It's the Penultimate.

Before the opening sequence, we see this scene where Chuchu has to pilot the Demi Barding without the assistance of Permet Links. It's really difficult, and it makes sense if you think about it. Permet excels at evenly distributing and communicating information, such as, in this case, all of the functions of a mobile suit. Without that link, you basically have to pilot it taking all of the systems that the link previously handled for you into account. (Stabilization/Equilibrium are the most important ones that come to mind)

Of course, Chuchu quickly adapts, because she's just that good at it.

For these final 2 episodes, the OP changes once more, in that the mobile suit montage now depicts the attack on Quiet Zero, featuring Demi Barding, Calibarn, Aerial, the Gundnodes, and the Schwarzette. The final scene zooming in on Suletta's face has also slightly changed to show Permet Scars running along it, as she's now piloting Calibarn and not Aerial. (I've always liked how Demi Barding is shown engaging in combat in the montage considering that that. Doesn't happen.)

After we come back from the intro, we open on the Jeturk brothers' conflict.

Lauda demands to know why Guel never told him about what happened to their father, and he believes it's because Guel thinks he's unreliable. Lauda has always supported him and believed in him through all of their strife these past few months, but it seems to him now that Guel doesn't feel the same. He didn't tell him about their father, he abandoned him at the school, by all intents and purposes, he's shutting him out of his life.

But Guel insists that wasn't his intention. He truly cares about Lauda. He didn't tell him about their father because he wanted to protect him from the harsh reality that he had to face. It's like what Miorine did to Suletta. Leaving them behind and bearing the burdens themselves in the hopes that they can lead a normal life.

But in the end, all Guel was doing was hurting him, leaving him alone with his grief. Lauda needed his brother to be there for him and he simply wasn't.

You'll notice that in this scene, Guel is piloting his Dilanza instead of the Darilbalde. If you remember, during the duel with Shaddiq it exploded, presumably beyond repair. I brought it up before in Episode 17's analysis, but the Darilbalde can be seen as a representation of the brother's relationship throughout the series.

In Episode 4, after the duel, the brothers have a talk in front of the heavily damaged Darilbalde, a sign of their relationship becoming strained due to the influence of their father. (Top)

In Episode 17, the brothers talk in front of the Darilbalde again, newly repaired: A sign of their renewed bond. Guel has let go of his pride, and Lauda's support of his brother is still unwavering. (Middle)

But in Episode 20, when Lauda learns the truth of Guel having killed their father, the Darilbalde explodes, utterly destroyed, showing that the truth has left their relationship (as it once stood) irrevocably fractured. (Bottom)

Delling Rembran making use of the power of frustrating bureaucracy to buy time for the others. Thanks bozo. You ever think about how Delling never spoke to Suletta even once in the entire series.

When Suletta and Eri are arguing, I think a lot about how the examples she uses for why she can't forget about Eri and their mother are specifically about being able to comfort her when she's sad.

If you look back throughout the series, we never really see Prospera be sad or afraid around Suletta. She always maintains a calm, confident, cheery exterior around her. I think after Eri showed her the memory of Prospera crying over her body, and everything that happened at Vanadis, she came to the conclusion that her mother is doing all of this because she's deeply, deeply sad, and she wants to support her.

I think this sequence gives us a good look into Eri as well. The things Suletta describes are all physical. When she hears them, Eri looks down, deeply upset, because these are all things she wants to do too, but she can't, not as she is now. Quiet Zero seems to be the only way for Eri to be able to physically be with her mother again after decades of being trapped in an unfeeling machine. It makes sense why she wants the plan to succeed so badly.

Not to mention Prospera's face when she hears that. Just utter disdain. I wonder what her eyes look like under the mask in this scene.

When Eri prepares to destroy the capsule containing the team infiltrating Quiet Zero (Left), the framing is similar to when Eri first took someone's life in the Prologue (Right). But whereas before, she was a child who simply didn't know any better, this time there is murderous intent.

But before Eri can execute her intention, something interferes, causing the Data Storm and the Gundnodes inside it to destabilize for long enough to give the team time to escape. When this happens, Eri interrogates the suspect, asking to know why they're interfering, explaining that the Data Storm can give them everything they want. We learn later that this interloper, and the person Eri was talking to, is 4lan, who's Artificial Nervous System data was incorporated into Quiet Zero at some point.

I think a lot about these two, and the framing of both of these scenes. How Eri knows it's 4lan doing it, and how she tries to convince him otherwise, saying that the data storm can make both of their dreams into reality. I think about how 4lan died before knowing anything about Eri, but understands her situation when Suletta meets him again.

Maybe this is just wishful thinking, but I like to imagine that Eri and 4lan talked within Quiet Zero, and, both having had their lives cut short, Eri promised him that he could have a new life with her and Prospera in Quiet Zero's data storm once the plan succeeded. I think, if things were different, they could've been good friends.

After this, the Assembly League speaks to the head of the of the League Fleet stationed outside Quiet Zero, asking her to make use of the Laser Power Interplanetary Transmission stationed in Lagrange one to take out Quiet Zero (and, consequently, the Benerit Front). To this, the commander responds that making use of that laser would take out the entirety of where both are stationed, that being Lagrange 4.

They never really explain what a "Lagrange Point" is in the show, but the novelization actually explains it. Here's its definition:

The term refers to the gravitational equilibrium points between two celestial bodies — such as the Earth and the Moon. There are five points from L1 to L5, and because the energy required to maintain a fixed position in these areas is reduced, many fronts are concentrated there. Asticassia School of Technology is located at L4.

In simpler terms, a Lagrange Point is a point in space between/around two large celestial bodies where the gravitational pull of both forces causes smaller objects within them to stay put/(in the case of an orbiting body) follow along its orbital path.

In the case of G Witch, the Lagrange Points in question are the ones created between the Earth and the Moon. Here's a diagram of them.

(Correction: Thank you to @gomez-alonzo-addams for the correction! I mistakenly thought the Lagrange Points were those of the Sun-Earth System, but they're actually those of the Earth-Moon System, which are a recurring element of many Gundam Series starting from the original.)

The Fronts are artificial living spaces built in space, constructed into Asteroids. Since it takes less energy to maintain a fixed position around Lagrange Points, Fronts and other large living spaces are commonly built within them.

For convenience sake, I went ahead and organized many of the shows locations into their Lagrange Points. This isn't an exhaustive list, and I might have missed some, in which case please let me know and I'll correct them! It kind of stinks that we don't know which Lagrange Point Folkvangr was stationed at :(

(Edit: Added Quiet Zero's Construction Point to Lagrange 2. Thanks again to @gomez-alonzo-addams for the info!)

Funny how the story is actually relatively contained in a small area, that being Lagrange 4.

Anyway, I really like how even O.Elan is kind of disquieted about Peil and the League Council's utter depravity here. He may love money and have a loose moral code but these guys are on a whole other level.

It's not necessary to document all this text, but according to the display, the infiltration team is headed for "Core Block C" to shut down QZ.

Cutting back to the Jeturk Brothers, their final clash is much the same as Guel's final clash with Vim. A full frontal assault with sword weapons. Both clashes' climactic moment even end with one stabbing the cockpit of the other.

Before, Guel won out against his father because he was afraid to die, but against his brother, he deactivates his sword and takes the full brunt of Lauda's attack, unafraid to die if it means his brother will stop piloting the Schwarzette.

It seems like history will repeat itself once again, but luckily Felsi was there to save the day! Everybody say Thank you, Felsi.

When Miorine and Bel access the Quiet Zero's main console and attempt to input the shutdown code, they input 4 codes:

Miorine inputs "quod erat demonstrandum" (top left) first, a latin phrase meaning "what was to be shown," or "which was to be demonstrated." It's usually shortened to the acronym Q.E.D, and placed at the end of mathematical proofs or philosophical arguments to indicate that the paper is complete.

After that is rejected, Bel inputs "Quod Erat Demonstrandum," (top right) which is. Exactly what Miorine just typed but capitalized. It is obviously also rejected.

After that, Prospera appears, and when Bel begs her to stop, Prospera explains why she can't:

"Eri is the child blessed by Vanadis' ideals, yet there isn't a place for her in this world. So I'll have to make one. A place where Eri can be happy."

At this, the next code Miorine inputs that gets rejected is "quod erat faciendum," (bottom left) a latin phrase traditionally placed at the end of geometric constructions, meaning "which had to be done."

Frustrated, Miorine demands to know if Prospera cares about Suletta at all, to which she responds:

"I do love her, but now she has friends like you."

Seemingly in response, the terminal rejects the final code we see Miorine input, that being "quod est absurdum" (bottom right), meaning "which is absurd."

Isn't that nuts? These codes only appear onscreen for mere frames and they still put in the effort to make them responses to Prospera's arguments. Or maybe, seeing as how they're meant to be placed at the end of arguments, perhaps they're meant to represent Prospera's final thoughts on the things she's saying. Either way, isn't it amazing that they put in the effort anyway?

When Miorine gets through to the Administrator Environment, the available tabs are:

Metasystem Administration

Startup Control

Permissions Management

Energy Management

Notrette

Internal Environment Control

Crew Management

Physical Defense Management

Outer Wall Defenses

Quarantine Related

Intrusion Defenses

Digital Defense Management

Defensive Quantum Computing Status

Hardware Availability Management

Navigation Control

Enemy Search Management

Course Prediction

Drive System Management

Course Prediction Avoidance

If this post wasn't already thirty miles long perhaps we could spend more time here, but alas! I think it's cute that Notrette's icon is a tomato. The fact that her code is in Quiet Zero makes you wonder how far along they were on the project when she died. I guess we'll never know. Thank you anyway, Notrette.

The things a mother will do for her child. I think it's really powerful how in this moment, Prospera is willing to kill the love of Suletta's life for Eri's happiness, while at the same time, even from beyond the grave, Notrette was willing to give up on her lifelong ambition for Miorine's.

After QZ is shut down, the error on the main display (left) says:

Warning Security malfunction - Complete system shutdown imminent

Data storm space dissipated - Data storm space is contracting - Data storm destabilized across all domains

On the right, the Quiet Zero Monitoring Console simply says "All functions disabled" when its systems are fully infiltrated and shut down.

I love Prospera's expression here. The sheer vitriol in her eyes. The daughter of the man who stole her family from her, and the same girl who's stealing the last chance at happiness from her daughter is lecturing to her about family. I'd make that face too, to be honest with you.

I love the final look Eri gives Suletta as she blocks the laser's blast. She's proud of her.

Eri...

May All Blessings Find Their Way to You, I'm Wishing It >> Masterpost

#g witch #gundam the witch from mercury

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differentnotless89 · 8 months

Text

The things I never thought I'd ever get to say.

I've been wanting to write you and actually send it for so many years. For many years, I would write but never with the intention of actually sending it to you. I contemplated sending you a letter maybe a year ago or two, but I chose not to. I wasn't ready and I still can't say I'm ready now. But, I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I always knew I'd send you a letter because I obviously don't like to leave things unsaid. I just have a lot of things to tell you, so much that it hurts. It's been hard for me to write you and not write in anger and pain. But I have to send it to you as part of my own healing, even if you don't care to read it entirely or at all. I would hope that you would read this, but that isn't necessary. I wish we could discuss all of this without any limitations and without violently attacking each other. I know that'll never happen, but it's okay.

I promise I will not curse at you. I'm trying to just express how I genuinely feel without being clouded by my anger like I would before. But I will be as honest as I can be throughout this letter, and I don't think you're really going to like (or care) about anything I have to say.

This is my 3rd attempt at writing you this long ass letter since 8PM last night. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep early this morning. I have to write and send this to you even if you don't read it. I have to even if you can't or don't want to empathize or understand my feelings. Look at me assuming that you will even care about what I have to say. You probably don't, but this is more about me and my own personal healing like I said above. I have to heal from this and I will to the best of my ability. I owe this to myself and my children.

I am kinda sorry for this long ass letter, but at the same time I am not. I deserve to be heard. It's honestly the main thing I ever wanted from you. When I would write to you, sometimes I couldn't even manage to form a sentence, so the fact that I've been able to write this much tonight without cursing or letting my anger and pain get the best of me is an achievement. I have so much to say to you and you know that I can write for hours, as I'm a writer. I think I'll never run out of things I want to say to you. I could write a book, and who knows, maybe I will one day. I will do my best to tell you all that I feel is necessary to tell you tonight. It probably will be too much, but that is who I am. I am very expressive and I don't keep things to myself. I used to hate this about me, but I've started to love myself as I am, because someone has to.

I do want you to know that I love you and I always will. I will never ever forget all of the good times we spent together. I will always cherish the good memories and hold onto them for as long as I can. I will always remember songs like, "Man! I feel like a woman! that you'd listen to and all of your cute quirks. I always looked up to you since I can remember and from what I remember, I clung onto you especially against my mom. I was always so angry towards mom and I wish I knew why. I'm sure my body/brain remembers, but I don't. I wish I could understand a lot of things. One of them being why it sometimes felt like you hated me. I knew if I said this to you in person, you'd mock me and dismiss me. You've always dismissed how I felt and made me out to be this dramatic and ridiculous person as if my feelings and thoughts didn't matter. I was shamed for touching on subjects that made you uncomfortable. It was as if I wasn't allowed to feel differently than you. I understand that you were never given a safe space to truly express yourself and so you've shut others because it was done to you. I don't know, but that's my theory.

Anytime I tried to express my discomfort or opinions, you would make it seem like I was just trying to find an issue where there was none. You would call me a "rebel without cause". Like you knew I had a cause but you didn't care. You may not have known all that I went through, but you knew enough. I remember when I was 13, I wrote you on a notebook. It was filled with lots of pages and I told you a lot of what I went through. However, I don't think I ever gave them to you because I realized you'd use it against me somehow. I'm glad that I didn't to this day because I don't think it would've mattered. You would've blamed me for running away and seeking it out. It didn't matter to you that I was 12 and had a mind of a child. My brain wasn't even properly formed but I was set to these standards that I should've known better. Sex was all I knew since I was very little and you know this better than anyone. I never got therapy. It wasn't normal, but it was MY normal. You're going to "Boo-hoo" this, too?

I've been trying to live differently than what I've always known and I know that it's something a lot of people look down upon. I know my way of thinking was always seen as bizarre, different, what have you. I can't stop but to think what your response to this would be. Anytime I'd try to communicate with you, you would get so defensive. I know for sure you'd deny it, but deep down you know it's the truth. I may have been the sister you always wish you had (I'm sorry you didn't have a chance to grow up with a sister), but you never actually loved me for who I was. I think you did try. I will always feel bad for how I made you feel on my 15th birthday. You got me some gifts that were important to you to show me that you loved me. However, I was disappointed because I had believed Josh when he said you had gotten me the Eddie Guerrero book. I'm sorry for making you feel like I didn't care and I will always appreciate all the things you did for me, all the things you bought me, the clothes, food, etc. I will never forget that one time you let me ditch school and we went to watch a movie. Then we went to Costco, got some drinks and our own box of pizza. You have no idea how much that meant to me and I will hold that memory very close to my heart.

While I do regret moving in with you, I will always appreciate you not charging me any rent for awhile and then just $50. I'm sorry that I complained about it. I should've been more appreciative and I understand now that I also wasn't easy to live with. You did a lot of things for me that you didn't have to do, and I would like to believe that you did it because you cared or because you "do for family". For the years that I lived with you (19-24), I struggled a lot. I didn't take care of my health, let alone my mental health. I never got the chance to actually work through the things that I had experienced up to that point because as soon as I turned 18, I became a mother. I wish I had taken a leap, gotten a job and tried to be more independent. I truly had no idea what I was doing and I didn't think it was possible I could ever make it on my own. I truly took to heart when you told me that my life was over the moment I had Hailey and I didn't know how to navigate past that.

My life wasn't over then and it still isn't now. I still have a lot more to do and experience. I won't feel ashamed for having a life outside being a mother. The only difference is that I don't bring men home and anything I do in my personal life, I do it without my kids being impacted by it. I do think it's a bit funny how you would say that I couldn't handle having one kid, let alone two. When you would say that (And even Rb repeated that to me), it would hurt my feelings but I believed you. I already felt like I wasn't capable of much and I was so used to feeling that way (I have always felt that way since I was a kid) so I truly believed you when you would tell me that. I knew I wanted more for me and Hailey, but I didn't think I had it in me. Funny enough, I've been raising my kids all on my own, paying my own bills, etc. I even paid off my vehicle, my dream van, my Honda Odyssey. I've traveled to Seattle, Oregon coast, and Disneyland (many times) and just recently to Arizona with my kids. And I did that all on my own. I even went to New York City TWICE!!!! I had to learn the hard way and had to fight to be where I am at. I couldn't be prouder of myself and my achievements.

I do want to believe that you loved parts of me and because I was your sister; but I believe wholeheartedly that you resented me and dare I say that you were jealous of me (This is genuinely not me claiming you should be jealous of me or in a egocentric kind of way). I have been trying to understand why you have always been so indirect, fake and judgmental towards me. I never understood what I did that was so wrong or why me being different was a threat to you. I wish you could take your time to understand why I feel this way. I still remember how you would gang up on me with mom when I was a kid. You would literally talk shit about and to me, lol. You would do it because you knew I was powerless and I would get in trouble if I said something. I also understand that I was not easy to deal with and I have always been very outspoken, that it would be interpreted as me intentionally being rude (although sometimes I intentionally was). It is what it is but I just didn't understand your behavior at that time. It felt like you were the enemy at times and it felt that you saw me as one, too. It was so confusing. I would be so confused because when I'd come over to your house, you would talk so much shit about mom (And with good reason, she really didn't make the best choices and she wasn't the best mom). When I was over at your house, you were my friend but then in other instances, you acted like you were my enemy. Maybe I was wrong, but it's how it felt to me at that time.

Prepare yourself because as you know, I'm a writer and a pretty good one. But this isn't about my writing skills... I promise none of this is ill intentioned. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to be in pain (I know you already are). This whole time that I've been writing to you, I have been worried about how you will feel and how you will react (That's if you even read any of it). I have always cared about your feelings. Sometimes more than my own. But for once, I trust myself and what I have to say. I refuse to believe that my thoughts and feelings have no substance, because it does. Your thoughts and feelings matter, too. I am open to reading and understanding you one day (pessimistic me doesn't believe that will ever happen though). I wish there was a way to know your true feelings about me and everything involving us for real. I do want to understand you and I do care about you even if you believe that I don't. I will always care about you even if you're not part of my life. Even though you have caused me so much hurt and pain, I love and wish you the best. I just wish I knew what your RAW feelings were.

I always tried to make you happy. It always felt like I had to also compete to be loved by you. I always competed with Yoanna for my mom's love and I hated that it felt the same way with you at times. You and Yoanna would be close at times and I would feel left out. I also know she is kinder and a lot easier to handle, even manipulate. She has always been the favorite one and she was manipulated into believing she had to obey in order to be good or there'd be dire consequences. I, of course never obeyed and I was never meant to be favored. I only ever wanted to be favored because I wanted to be loved. I know it's not your fault for how mom treated me, but honestly you favored and treated Yoanna better at times. I know we were taught that "skinny" meant better and prettier. Yoanna has always had it easy in that department and it made me resent her. I also know she wasn't as difficult as me so I would see why she was the favorite.

The funny thing is that I never stood a chance with mom and I'm assuming it's because of who my biological dad is, and obviously because I was fat. She always made comments about my weight since I was very little and you joined in too. There was never anything wrong with me. I wish I knew that my worth was not determined by how much I weighed and that the only person that could determine my worth was myself. I'm sure you could relate to that.

I will always wish you could've been the one to protect me. I also hate that you knew about my biological dad and you didn't tell me anything. I feel there's more that my mom never told me and that you're not telling me. I don't wish to know the dude (especially after what you said he did to you) but I wish I at least knew what he looked like, but most of all, I wish ya'll would've been completely honest with me. If there's ever a time to say how you completely feel, it is now. I don't care if you hurt my feelings. I don't care what it is, but I doubt you will.

Although you also favored Yoanna in many ways. I can understand why, too. I wasn't always easy to deal with. I would react angrily and say hurtful things. I strongly believe that sometimes people (children especially) that need the most love, act out in the most unloving ways. It's true for me. It's all I ever wanted and that was to be loved. It's okay if you preferred to be around her, but it's not okay how you handled it and how you treated me. You would also talk shit about Yoanna to me. It was almost as if you didn't know how to have a relationship without throwing someone else under the bus. I'm assuming it's what you grew up seeing and experiencing. I know I did. I mean, even before we stopped talking, you would talk shit about me to Yoanna all the time. You never said any of it to me of course. Your whole relationship with Yoanna then was founded on talking shit about me. That's how you two bonded. Pretty crazy, huh? You can deny it but it's the truth and it's why you and Yoanna rarely talk now. She got tired of being fake and talking shit about me. She called you out on it. I'm sure you know that I won't let you pick on her for this, but I know now that she's an adult and can stand up for herself. That's when ya'lls relationship started to fade away... Was it too much for you that she didn't want to continue to talk bad about me?

I mean, we all know that people are going to have opinions and there's a lot that I do that makes people talk. But it's toxic especially when it comes from your own "family".

I don't understand why you would talk shit about me to be honest. You even made comments about me going to Disneyland. Around that time, I had only taken my kids in 2019 but I guess it bothered you I had a whole trip coming up in 2020 (but then Covid happened). I mean the issue isn't that you talked shit about me going to Disneyland tbh. At the end of the day it's MY money I worked hard for and I have never gone in debt or not paid my bills to go to Disneyland (I've gone at least 5 more times since 2019 with my kids btw and most recently, this past May). I honestly think you have always been jealous of me and possibly jealous of Yoanna, too. Again, I don't mean this in an egocentric kind of way, but you yourself have admitted this to me. I know I got to (partially) grow up having a sister my age and you didn't. I can't even imagine not having grown up with Yoanna, a sister around. I know how important and valuable it is to have a sibling. But it wasn't my fault. It wasn't even mom's fault either to be honest. I bet it's probably why you talked a lot of shit about me with Yoanna. It's how you two bonded. When she stopped fucking with it, though... It's almost like there was nothing else to be said. As if you two couldn't have had a relationship without talking bad about me. I just don't get why you punished me for things that weren't my fault. At this point, it doesn't really matter anymore that you talked shit about me, or that you even favored Yoanna. But at one point it did matter to me, you know.

One moment that stands out to me is Christmas of 2008. You got Yoanna a zune and you gave me a $50 gift card. Of course, I was grateful but I was a last minute thought. You couldn't even put any thought into it. It felt like you only gave me a gift card because you had to. I realized then that you would always go above and beyond for Yoanna. I also realized how one Christmas, you didn't get anything for Yoanna as a way to punish her for wanting to move back to Albuquerque after you paid for her flight to Idaho. I hate that I also went along with it. I will never forget how bad I felt and how she must've felt. She didn't deserve that. That was manipulative and vindictive.

I should've never been put in a situation where I felt Yoanna was the enemy, but that's more of a letter for mom than you. I know you resent me for having Yoanna there growing up, and it's completely normal. Your feelings are valid and I wish you would've had that. Now imagine how I feel knowing you had more years with my mom. You got to see versions of my mom I never got to. It isn't your fault but neither was it my fault she had two more daughters after you grew up. I do want to say that I am super proud of Yoanna. I do think you should be reaching out more so you can build a relationship with her. She's truly doing amazing things and I'm super proud of her. She has stood firm on her boundaries and goals, and it honestly makes me feel so proud of her and you should be too. I do hope you make the effort to have a relationship with her. I know it's what she wants. She really is amazing and she is so patient especially with me. She knows how to deal with me when I go through my "episodes of delirium". She shouldn't have to, but she does. It's what I call those crazy moments, lol. I was diagnosed as bipolar. Shocker, huh? Lol. Honestly, it wasn't much of a surprise to me. It has definitely helped me understand many aspects about myself. I have wronged Yoanna in so many ways and I'm shocked that she still wants to have a relationship with me. I punished her for things that weren't exclusively her fault.

So here goes the tough parts....

I hope you can read this to understand and not read to respond. I know what I'm about to say isn't going to sit well with you. I'm sure you probably already know, but I know RB died. I've always known and I know you blocked the account I was using at that time because you were hurt and angry towards me. I don't blame you. I'm sure you will block me after this, too. I wanted to reach out when I learned that he died but I knew I was the last person you wanted to talk to and am I shocked you don't want to talk to me still to this date? Nah. But the feeling is mutual although I am writing this long ass letter to you. I was not happy to know he died, but I am happy to know that he can't hurt another child again. I know you don't want to read this and you probably won't. I won't even be surprised if you respond angrily, but I don't think you'll respond at all. I do feel bad that he never got the chance to get the help he needed. I feel bad you lost your son. I could never imagine, but I don't feel bad he's gone. I hate to say it, but it's my truth. I know you don't think he did it.... Well, you claim he didn't even though you actually don't know. I do, though. I remember being told I wanted him to have done it. That's ridiculous. I wish more than anything in this world that he didn't do it. I wish it with all of my heart.

Sadly, Hailey remembers. For so long she didn't, but it was almost a year ago when we were on our Disney trip that she told me what she remembered. It still gives me the same empty feeling in my throat. I hate that my daughter went through that. I hate that I stayed in your house for so long after that. I felt helpless tbh. I will always hate you for calling my daughter, (4 years old at the time) a liar. You truly had the audacity to call her a liar to her face. A 4 year old child instead of trying to investigate what truly happened. You really think a child (especially that young) would lie about something like that? You think she had malice in her heart and kids were just out to get him? Be real. You literally said that after Aedyn accused him 3 years later. So gross that even after another accusation, you still claimed that Rb didn't do it. You turned it into a guilt trip and said that he was feeling down and that he doesn't even want to be around kids now because he feared being accused of it. He shouldn't have been near children after that accusation, period. You are as guilty as he is and you are complicit to his actions. I didn't even think jail. I just wanted my daughter to be safe and for him to get help.

What's the most ironic part.... Do you remember that one time we were at Winco, remember? We were excited. We were going to prepare a lot of dinners and all. We then got a call that Josh wouldn't give Hailey back to Dulce or Oscar and that they called the cops. I truly hope that he didn't hurt my daughter, and at that time I didn't understand why Dulce did what she did. I also didn't understand why he was holding my daughter hostage. But now, I understand why. Dulce was protecting MY child because of what Josh did to her. I know that you know because I was there when she told you. I don't know if you two ever had a conversation about it, but it wouldn't surprise me if she kept it all to herself and never talked about it again. But I know that you did nothing about that either. I bet you're thinking that it isn't any of my business. Actually, yes it is. When it comes to sexual abuse, it is everyone's business. I will always be thankful for Dulce for being protective of Hailey and even me when I was pregnant with her. I'm sure you remember when Josh threatened to hit my pregnant stomach with a metal bar. He literally threatened to kill my daughter and you defended him. Had he done it, you would have blamed me and said I told him to. I was in shock that was even happening and I should've been more conscious instead of provoking him and daring him to. Again, I still wouldn't have been responsible for him had he killed my daughter. I'm glad that he didn't do it.

Anyways, I did appreciate you suggesting we take Hailey to see a doctor to ensure that Josh didn't hurt her. That actually meant a lot to me because I felt... Well, I thought that my daughter was safe with you and that you would do the right thing. I didn't understand why you'd do that. It never crossed my mind that Josh would ever hurt her even when he kept her hostage. I was naïve, I guess... or maybe I thought my family would never be capable of doing stuff like that. Why would I, you know? I never even considered the possibility of Josh doing any of that. I was so angry when I learned what he did to Dulce and if only you knew the things I now know. You probably do but you'd enable him regardless. It's because of moms like you that men think it's okay to abuse and hurt because they know they can and will get away with it. Men are responsible for their choices, but as women we enable them too much. We hold our daughters' to higher standards while babying our sons (and I'm guilty of this also).

Yet... when RB was accused, you immediately said it wasn't true and you made that your truth along with Dulce. You know now that I think of it... I actually believe you knew what Josh was capable of doing. I think it's why you suggested taking Hailey to the doctor. Am I wrong? I hope I am. I hate to think you could enable this behavior of your children...knowingly. But the truth is that you did. I was there when Dulce told you that Josh sexually abused her. I don't know if you two ever had a conversation about it again, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was not talked about again. I hope Dulce one day sees the truth for herself and finds her voice even if it upsets you. I hope she makes better choices than the both of us. I also wonder if you knew what he had done to Dulce. I'm not accusing you of that, but honestly I do wonder. I hope one day Josh gets what's coming for him. I hope karma is real. I know now what Josh is capable of and I know a lot more than you know. I also know you felt a lot of guilt with Josh... which is why you always gave in to whatever he wanted. I wonder why that truly was. You always favored him in a different way. I get that he's really good at pushing for what he wants, but you enabled him in such a way that's still shocking to me to this day.

I could go on forever about my thoughts on your parenting and enablement of your children. As parents, we are going to make mistakes. I know that. Fuck, I've made a lot of mistakes as a parent and I will have to live with that. I know you've mentioned being aware that you made a lot of mistakes and I want to say that it takes a lot of courage to admit that. But your decisions have affected others and it's caused so much trauma and hurt. While you couldn't have changed the past, I always wish you would've eventually done the right thing even if it was your son who was being accused. I wish you would've tried to mend your mistakes. Why haven't you?

I don't know where all this is going to lead or if I'm ever going to finish writing this letter. I could write a book and maybe one day I will. Maybe one day I will speak up and write about all the things I need to say. I haven't told anyone that, but that's something I feel in my heart I should do. I will never not talk about my experiences and I will not let my daughter's story be thrown under the rug like mine was. She didn't do anything wrong and has nothing to be ashamed of. Your sons and you are the ones who should be ashamed.

I do want to say that I really cared about your kids. Part of me is sad that Rb is dead. He was my nephew and I saw him grow up. I loved him and I would pretend he was my son when I was a kid. I loved him with all of my heart. I loved all of your kids, but he was very special to me. I relate the most with Dulce and Josh was like a like a little brother to me. Linda was like my little sister and I still love her to this date and I still love Dulce. I don't, however, love Josh or Rb. I will always have this care for Rb and Josh. I still feel hope for Josh to get the help that he needs. I always had a soft spot for him, and I also enabled him as much as you did. I remember how upset you two were when I wouldn't contribute $50 to his shoe fund when he was locked up. I'm still so proud of myself for saying no. I didn't feel like he should be rewarded when he had caused so much pain, turmoil and he was constantly stealing from all of us. It's fucking crazy how paranoid I still am about having cash because of him. You always allowed him to though and he knew he could do whatever he wanted to do. He was physically abusive towards me and others. He's still to this date an abuser and you know this very well. When I said that he was just like his dad, I meant it. And I still do. I am so glad that Shawna and Hannah got away from him. I'm hoping Hannah has managed to stay away and I hope her and her kids are happy. Shawna is my person, my best friend and I am so glad she managed to get away from Josh. I will never forget how Josh treated her and to this day, I am still the only one that ever stood up for her against him. I remember when you tried to say she was keeping the kids from Josh. Bullshit. He was never a good dad and I'm so glad that he's at least not caused them as much trauma although he already has. And this is my words, not Shawna's before you try to pick on her. She doesn't even know I'm writing you this message.

I remember that one time that he said he was going to slap me and I said "Slap me" (More as a dare because I was shocked he even said he would slap me. This was before I was even pregnant) and he did. I immediately went to you so you would do something and you enabled him. You said that I told him to. That makes it okay, apparently. So while Josh is definitely responsible for his actions... You enabled a lot of his behavior. By doing that, you told him that it was okay to put his hands on someone else. You taught him that it's okay to steal, smoke and disrespect women. You enabled his deadbeat ass behavior. He was raised to believe he can say and do whatever he wanted, and he knew it. For so long, you blamed his behavior on me. I was so confused why you did and while I wasn't always the best example, I was still a kid when you started blaming me.

I'm sure I did influence Josh in many ways, but in no way was I ever responsible for his behavior or actions. You even said Rb behaved the way he did because of me. It's wild behavior that you would even blame me instead of taking accountability. I know Josh had been acting up since he was a kid and I remember when he was 7 and he was like stripping in a sexual manner. I was like 12 years old and I thought it was funny at that time. To me, that was normal. It was my normal that I didn't even realize that was a red flag in itself. While it could potentially be normal kid behavior... Maybe he saw it on TV. I believe he was sexually abused and I believe Rb was too. I believe all of your kids were and I think you've known this. I remember the one time Linda wouldn't come home and she said that her dad raped her. You even called her a liar. I think you were more worried about what people would think of you tbh. I will always wonder what went wrong and what is that happened. Whatever it is, I know it's bad and I know you just acted like it didn't happen. No one got help for anything and it's why things happened the way it did. There were probably no resources or maybe you didn't know what to do. But you could've done something but you did nothing at all.

I do believe you cared about your kids and I always admired your love and dedication to them. I just wish you would've gotten help for yourself and your kids. I wish you would've left that man the moment he showed you his first red flag. But I know you were in an abusive relationship and I know how hard it is to get out of one. You know what I went through with LP and while in my case, it wasn't that severe... I know what it's like to love someone who isn't good for you. I bet you probably feel a lot of guilt. A lot of what you went through is what motivated me to do better and make different choices. As a kid, I never understood how you could've stayed with such an evil man. I knew the evil things he did because mom told me and you told me some things as well. I'm sure there's a lot you haven't told others and that is your story to tell and you will when and if you're ever ready.

I never saw that evil side of him. I never met that dangerous side of him or maybe I did, and I don't remember. There's a lot that he did to me that I never told anyone until most recently. I don't plan on going into too many details, but he was never mean or violent towards me. He was kind and gentle. He made me feel cared about. I still remember when he had me put my shorts down and he touched me. The next thing I remember, he had me lay my head on his leg and he would caress my cheeks. I don't really remember what happened between the time he had me put my shorts down to when he was caressing my cheeks but he did a lot of things to me. I don't know why we were alone all the time. I don't want to talk too much about that he did to me with you. My point is that I remember some of the things he did to me. I remember him as someone who was gentle and kind towards me. He made me feel safe and he was probably the first man to have ever touched me (who fucking knows if I was touched before him). But I know of course that he is sick, an abuser and not a good person.

So I'm gonna say it. I think you knew the whole time. I think you had your suspicions, but when I told my mom what he had done, you didn't seem shocked. Of course, I don't know how you felt or what the truth is. But you knew he would be capable of doing it, yet you didn't believe me. Maybe you didn't want to believe it. Maybe you were blinded by love. I don't see how love could be more important than the safety of a child, but meh. I still remember clearly when you told my mom, "He said he didn't do it but you can call the cops if you want to". She should've. You should've. I should've been protected. I remember crying when you said that and I felt like I should've not said anything. I remember crying anytime I saw him after that, and being mad when he got near Yoanna. I wanted to protect her from him. It was my immediate instinct and I was a child. Why wasn't it yours? Did you know what he had done to me? Did you see it happen? Why didn't you believe me? Did you feel jealous of me? Did you blame me for what he did? Do you think I provoked him/it... What is it? I wish you would tell me. Now I'm not blaming you for what he did to me, but I am. I'm also blaming my mom. Why was I left alone with him so many times?

That night when he had me pull my shorts down, we were in the bedroom. And I am almost sure all of you were in the living room. I remember hearing voices. I just don't understand. While I don't feel anymore anger towards him for what he did to me (I am angry for what he did to you and your children, and others), I have so many questions that I know will be left unanswered. But there's nothing wrong with me wanting answers. Maybe you don't even have them or maybe you do and you'll probably take it with you to your grave. I know there's a lot of things you have remained quiet about. You didn't even believe or do anything when I spoke up about what he did to me. I don't know why I thought it would be any different for my daughter. I guess I wanted to believe that you truly cared about me and that my "family" would never be capable of such things. But I digress.

I wish you would open up and tell me what it is that you know, what it is that happened that led to all this. I wish I could believe you never had ill intentions and that you genuinely cared about me and my daughter. I remember when we had that big fight and you got upset that I posted about what RB did online. I was so mad that Dulce caught on that it was me, but honestly I'm glad that she did now. You gave me so much shit about speaking up and not letting things go. You tried to silence me. I know it's how it worked in our family. Bad things happen and we move on. We don't talk about it. I learned that at a very young age after I spoke up about what your husband did. It's why it took me so long to speak up about when Ivan raped me. Sex and shame is all I have known since I was a child. And I'm sure it was a continuous cycle but enough is enough. These things should not be kept privately. I didn't do anything wrong and there's nothing that I could've done to have deserved to be raped and used as a sex doll my whole life.

During and after Ivan would rape me, I already knew it was something I had to keep to myself. In the beginning, I even told you that he would have me massage him and you did ask if it ever led to anything else. I, of course said it didn't but I still wonder to this day why was it okay that a 10 year old was being asked to massage a 17 year old? Why wasn't that an immediate red flag? Why was it totally fine? I just don't get it. Now I did tell my mom that Ivan raped me and of course she immediately told me to not joke around like that. Neither of you ever believed me, or maybe ya'll didn't care. I can go on and on about this, but this is a letter for my mom I will have to write one day.

Do you not see this toxic pattern? Our mom's parents failed her, she failed us, you failed your kids, you failed us... When is enough, enough? I failed my kids too many times and I'm trying so hard to make different choices and break the cycle even if it's just a little bit. You had the chance to break the cycle but you refused to. Why? Imagine if you had. While this is just me speaking on my feelings, I understand nothing can be done now and I'm not really dwelling on it, but it's still something that needs to be talked about.

I mattered as much as you and everyone else. I was never put in therapy. I was taught that these things happen and it was normal. My whole world changed but like I said above, I believe other things happened that I just don't remember but my subconscious does. You know, Oscar also made a lot of mistakes, but the difference is that he apologized for it to me. I will always appreciate him, especially when the detective wanted Rb to take a lie detector test. He volunteered and suggested he take it as he did spend time alone with my daughter. This has me tearing up because Oscar could be a lot of things, but he was willing to do right by my daughter and you couldn't. You couldn't because you feared the results. I can go on and on about how you wronged my daughter and many of us, but it won't change a thing. But it needed to be said.

I promise you that I will not remain quiet about this and I will always speak up and share my story/experiences. I refuse to be like you and I will not shove things under the rug. I will not enable my children the way you enabled yours and I will get them help if/when they need it. I want to make better choices than you and mom. I want to make better choices than I made before. I am also guilty of a lot wrongdoings. I know everything above seems like I'm just blaming you, but you do hold responsibility. I wish you would acknowledge it though and I wish you would be genuinely apologetic even if it doesn't change anything.

I wish you would read this and actually care about what I have to say, about my feelings and thoughts. I wish you would apologize and admit your mistakes. My mom tried to apologize to me and while I appreciate that, she didn't apologize until she knew she was going to die. Regardless, she did apologize to me. I also caused her a lot of harm. I was angry with her. To be honest, I don't understand why I had always been angry towards her. Since I was very little, I was angry and hurt by her. I don't know why. I know that I clung to you even as a child, as an adult, and especially as a mother. I loved you so damn much. I still do and I will always love you. For so long I prayed and wished you were my mom. You remember me telling you that I wish you'd admit that you put me up for adoption. I loved you so much. Why couldn't you? I'm sure there were parts of you that cared about me. I know this and I have a lot to be thankful for. I am thankful to you for a lot of things. While I do feel anger, resentment, and sadness. I did learn a lot from you. All above is what I've learned, but I also learned good things about you.

I will forever feel guilty for moving in with you because had I not, I could've prevented Hailey being sexually abused by your son. It's not like I knew it would happen of course. I wish I would've left as soon as she accused him. It's why I left to Albuquerque and then to San Diego.... Why I clung to LP. He made me feel loved and safe. I thought we could be a family, you know? I can say a lot of things about that man but one thing I'm certain about is that he never sexually abused my kids and it's something I genuinely do not believe he ever would do. If he had, I would have reported it right away though. I wouldn't have stayed and I am 100% certain about this.

I know writing this letter won't change anything. It may seem that I'm just dwelling on the past. It's not the "past". It's my life. It's my daughter's, etc. Writing all this to you has me physically and emotionally drained. But all this needs to be said. No, I'm not done yet. I have to come clean about absolutely everything.

I will say that I was also a very shitty person, too. I was very shitty towards my mom. I would have Hailey go up to her and hit her. I was teaching her it was okay to hit. Fortunately, Hailey has grown up to be such an amazing young lady. She thinks for herself, she's as outspoken as I am and guess what? She has the safe space to do so. I'm working hard to be able to be there for her and be more emotionally available. I would steal money from my mom all the time and I'd justify it by thinking of all the ways she wronged me and all the things she allowed. I think we all blamed mom for everything. I know ya'll put your dad on a pedestal while blamed mom for everything. I can only imagine how my mom felt when she knew that I got that strangers' name tattooed on my wrist. I'm mortified I even did that, but I did it for you.

Anyways, I was and can be a shitty person sometimes. I hurt my mom. I even slapped her one time to defend you. I should've never put my hands on her. I even lied and said she wanted to prostitute me or some shit. That's not true. I lied and it was wrong of me to have made such accusation. I was just trying to paint her in a bad light. While my mom wronged us in many ways, we wronged her too. She didn't always deserve to be treated the way we treated her. To be honest, the only good daughter she genuinely had was Yoanna. I didn't see it at that time, but Yoanna deserved every good thing my mom did for her. I'm glad Yoanna felt loved by mom. At least one of us did.

My mom also deserved better from all of us. We were selfish, arrogant and entitled. I was definitely very entitled and so were you. She saved all of us (probably except Yoanna) financially and we felt she owed it to us.

I fought so hard to deny any connection I had to my mom for so long. I will say that I know that I look like my mom and I smile now when I find little things I do/say that mom would have done/said. I am like my mom in many ways and I'm happy that I was her daughter. I have forgiven her, but I will not pretend she didn't cause me any pain. My mom clearly had her faults, and she chose a man over her kids, etc. But she was an inspiration at the same time. She took care of her kids all on her own, in a country she wasn't native to and had to figure out how to make it all on her own. She was creative, artistic and may I say an amazing cook. She was a clean freak and she tried many times to be there for me, but I could never forgive her. She had a strong personality and so do I. She was always good at saving money and it's her who taught me a lot of what I know. You also taught me a lot. You taught me how to make my bomb Mexican rice I make. You were like a mom to me and it's sad that we don't have a relationship. It's sad that this is how things turned out to be. What's sadder is that other children have suffered.

I don't think I'll ever completely heal from all that I endured and it's okay. I've endured a lot more than you'll ever know. For the first time in my life, I am actually okay with all that I've been through. I am more open now about what I have experienced and I know it makes people uncomfortable because we've all been trained to keep our "dirty laundry" to ourselves. I was the one that had to learn how to stand up for myself all on my own. I was the one that stood up for Yoanna and I am the one that tried to stand up for Dulce. I should've done more to be honest. I'm not saying this because I deserve a thank you, but because I'm proud that I eventually spoke up, even if it was a little too late.

I know that I wasn't always a good mom. I wasn't. I made tons of mistakes and I will have to forever live with that. I have, however, fought hard to make the necessary changes and I still have a lot to work on. However, I will ensure to hold them accountable when needed and to raise them to be good human beings and empathetic. I guarantee that I will die trying so my kids never get treated how I was treated and never experience even half of what I went through. My kids will never have to lay down at night and wonder why their mom didn't love them or why she didn't protect them. My promise to you is that I will learn from your mistakes as well as my own and continue to strive to do better.

I have worked so hard be unapologetic and be true to who I am. I'm learning about something called "boundaries" and I really do struggle a lot with my mental health. I also have a lot of health issues as well, but I'm glad that I finally started going to the doctor 4 years ago. I lost a whole bunch of weight, but I've gained it back. I'm not afraid to go out in a crop top and shorts. I'm no longer hiding who I am or hiding my body. You know, I'm an attention whore. I do have a condition that makes me gain weight. I also have a brain condition that can kill me if I don't take care of myself. I learned this a few days before I almost died from pneumonia in 2021. That's when so much changed for me to be honest. While I have gained a lot of my weight back, my confidence is still growing. I am no longer just the fat friend and while I will always have to make a lot of noise to be heard, I'm no longer afraid of being myself. I'm no longer ashamed. I'm not afraid to stand up for what's right even if I'm standing there alone. I will always advocate for myself and others, because I know what it's like to not have anyone advocate for me. I had to be my own advocate for so long and it's what built me into who I am. I can give you a whole story on this, but honestly doubt you're gonna read this far or at all, so I'm just rambling. I'm trying to say everything that I wish I could have conversations with you about. I think I'm also having a hard time saying goodbye to you which is why I keep talking. I always loved talking to you and I know we probably won't again.

Moving back to Idaho in 2017 is the best thing I ever did. It's where most of my growth happened. I met tons of people, lost a lot of people and I have a whole village in Idaho still. I have friends there who are literally my family. Even then, I still chose to move to Arizona. It's definitely been a rollercoaster since moving here with a lot of challenges. I had to have surgery to get my gallbladder removed. That was not fun in the slightest.

If there's a next time a child---someone, anyone...tells you they've been sexually abused, believe them. Don't call them a liar. It doesn't matter who was accused and it shouldn't be dependent on that whether or not you believe them. You should've done the right thing and tried to get to the bottom of it. I will never forgive you for that and if I ever do, it won't be for you. I will have to figure out how to forgive someone who will never apologize. Ultimately, who you should be apologizing to is my daughter and Aedyn. They didn't deserve to go through what they did. Neither of us did. I will always feel bad for being dismissive of Dulce when she was "acting out". I should've recognized the signs, but I'm thankful she trusted me enough to tell me what happened to her. I will always miss and love her no matter what.

If I die before you, I beg you to never reach out to my kids unless it is to apologize. I don't even want you speaking to them, but it would be ultimately up to them to decide. I would hope you would apologize and never talk to them again. You've missed out so much on the lives of my kids and it's sad you chose to protect abusers instead. You would see what amazing kids they are and how I've been able to provide a different life than what you and I are used to. My kids deserve to be surrounded by people that would believe them and protect them. I'm sad you couldn't be that person.

I can't say I don't hate you because I do, but I don't want you to suffer. I do want to thank you for pushing me to go to college and I'm sad that I didn't take it seriously. I wish I would've. I did learn a lot though and I feel that we both got to bond with one another. I'll never forget the good moments like I mentioned above.

I'm sorry that you couldn't make better choices. Let's hope that I can and that it gets better from here. I guess this is goodbye and tbh I am having such a hard time saying goodbye to you. I will always love and miss you. I hope that if you ever get another opportunity, you make different choices. You also deserved so much more than what was given to you. I'm sorry that you hate me, but I will always stand firm on my boundaries. My daughter comes first as she should. My kids come first. I don't know if I will cover up your tattoo or just get it removed. You were definitely very special to me and I'm sad that we aren't close and part of each other's lives. I'm glad I have Yoanna and that my kids have her, but you should also be included. If you had gotten Rb the help he needed (as well as Josh), a lot could've been prevented. It's okay to hold the people you love accountable.

I really don't think I'll ever be ready to say goodbye to you. I just want to tell you as many times as I can that I love you and that I miss you. I hope you know that I mean this with all that I have. I still have the picture frame hung up with you, mom, Oscar and me. You'll always be part of my memories and I will never forget you. I will always love you. I hope you know that I think about you often. I hope to be able to make my mom proud, but especially my children. They love me so much and I always fear that they won't one day. But it is a disservice to them if I enable them and continue the toxic cycle we were born into.

I love you, Bibi.

Take care of yourself,

Yvette.

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hoghtastic · 1 year

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Hi Admin,

I was just wondering if there are some asks. Or maybe just one in particular that you decided not to post yesterday or today. I’m wondering if my ask was too much. Or not civil. Just curious.

Thanks!

Hello anon! Thank you for reaching out! 😊

I did get your ask responding to this other anon and while I truly appreciate you taking the time and effort to do so, after reading your ask I ultimately decided not to post it. Mostly because I don't think this person was the "ya'll anon" we sometimes get around here, questioning people's motives for not liking Johanne like their life depended on it and so on, which I felt your response was more directed at (because of the "get a grip" part). This person had a completely different tone and didn't seem to be imposing their opinion on anyone, they simply stated their point of view and even explained their reasons. Which is perfectly fine, no matter if we agree with them or not. Plus, when I responded to them and gave my own reasons for disagreeing with them, they followed up with an ask stating that it had made sense for them, and they'd changed their opinion based on this. Maybe you missed this part, but we all ended up on the same page after all. So I felt like picking up this discussion again wasn't even necessary, as it had already been sorted out and would only lead to an exchange of not so nice asks between the two of you, should they decide to respond as well. It would add nothing more to the original discussion and bring an unpleasant atmosphere to the blog and its other readers. Which was never my intention in the first place. Since the beginning, I've always wanted for this to be a neutral, safe space for everyone. Whether people hate or love Johanne, they should never feel intimidated to share their opinions here, for fear of being attacked for them. Especially when they actually state some reasons to back up their opinions, without offending anyone.

I thank you for your understanding, and hope you'll keep participating in the blog. 😊 Have a lovely day! 💖

(And since it felt important to you, I'll leave your other ask bellow. 😊)

#anon asks #off topic

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scrunchyharry · 4 years

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on allowing translations of our fics: a non-native English speaker’s perspective

Here’s some 7am thoughts from my brain to your screens. This isn’t criticism, to be clear. I’m thinking out loud.

Under a cut because it’s pretty long and verging on Discourse.

I’ve been writing fics for 15 years, across four different fandoms and as many platforms. I’ve always allowed translations to be made of my fics because, I suppose que je comprends que certaines personnes ne disposent pas des capacités nécessaires pour lire des œuvres écrites en anglais.

I couldn’t comfortably read a novel in English until I was 17-18. It took me three weeks to get through Of Mice and Men in high school and when I was asked to read Dracula in my 9th grade ESL-A class, I found a French translation of it. I still can’t go to a Shakespeare play and hope to understand what’s going on. I’ve tried, numerous times. I’ve tried with Macbeth, Much Ado About Nothing and Hamlet. I just do not understand them when they speak (to be fair, I have seen a handful of Molière plays and also struggled my way through the Ancien Régime French, so maybe I just have really bad hearing comprehension).

And I’m Canadian, so English is omnipresent in my life. I started learning when I was in the 4th grade, I only truly felt like I could call myself bilingual in my early twenties, after going to university in English. Je comprends donc que l’anglais n’est pas confortablement accessible à tous et à toutes.

the 1D fandom is the first where I see people being against translations, yet it is also the most "international" of the fandoms I’ve been in. I have to clarify: I never witnessed any discussions of translations in my previous fandoms, is what I mean by that. Whether for or against them, I never saw people talking about them. The 1D fandom is the first where I a) see it being talked about and b) see people against them.

It stands out as odd to me because I personally never had any objections to it, I never even gave it a second thought beyond making sure that I was properly credited and asking for a link to the final product so that I can verify that I was. I think, perhaps, it speaks to the fact that the English speaking world is so rarely confronted to works in a language inaccessible to them. The outcries around Parasite being in Korean with English subs come to mind, while the rest of the non-English world was like "this is a regular Monday for us? To have to contend with translated or subtitled works to be able to access the hegemonic culture?"

Being a non-English speaker in an Anglo-centric world means constantly readjusting what you thought you knew. I didn’t grow up watching The Lion King or reading Anne of Green Gables. I grew up watching Le Roi lion and reading Anne et la maison aux pignons verts. Translations are an integral part of my life. Hell, on days when I’m really tired, I’ll switch whatever I’m watching on Netflix to French (when it’s available, which is a topic for another discussion) so that my brain can catch a break.

When I say readjusting, I mean that you’re always reframing. “Oh, I didn’t know that Severus Rogue’s English name was Severus Snape. Let me keep that in mind throughout our entire discussion in my second language.” “Oh, right, Americans have middle school so I better remember what years that covers and speak accordingly so I don’t have to go down the longer road of explaining that, actually, my French-Canadian school system didn’t have middle school and oh, also, our high school ends in the 10th grade and...” you get my drift.

This post is getting away from me. I’ll try to reel it back in. When I was in undergrad, I took a lit class from the French department (remember my bit about giving my brain a break?) and it was about the early 20th century. After suffering through the inevitable Proust, we moved on to Milan Kundera, a Czech writer (I had to use autocorrect for that, see, for me Czech is Tchèque) who became a French citizen. I don’t have the exact quote, that notebook has been gone since 2012, but I remember that he considered translations to be entirely new works of fiction and that the translator’s touch made the book anew because of the interpretations they chose when translating. Here’s an excerpt from an abstract about this:

"Kundera showed displeasure at any translator who, however briefly, would impersonate the author and take some license in translating Kundera’s work. Further, Kundera decided that only his full authorial involvement in the process would ascertain “the same authenticity” of his translations as the original Czech works. Kundera thus becomes the omnipresent, omnipotent author, himself impersonating God controlling his own creation."

Margala, Miriam. (2011). The Unbearable Torment of Translation: Milan Kundera, Impersonation, and The Joke. TranscUlturAl: A Journal of Translation and Cultural Studies. 1. 10.21992/T9C62H.

I’m not just name dropping Milan Kundera to show that I’m Educated. I’m bringing this point up because this isn’t my personal perspective on translation, but I can understand how it can be other people’s. My stance on this is that I want my work to be as universally accessible as it can be. Once I’ve put a story out into the world, while I do retain the copyright of it, it isn’t mine anymore. Every person reading it will read a different story because of their own inner lives and what they bring to it. Similarly, translations may bring out other perspectives of it. My work is done, though, the moment I click "post" and send it out into the world. I am no longer in control of the way it will be understood. And I’m at peace with this. It is a true ego death to read comments and see people picking up on things you did not even notice yourself as the omnipotent little god of your own creation.

As I was revising this essay, memories of bygone discourse came back to my mind, from the time I was in the Les Misérables fandom. You can imagine that I got a kick out of being able to say I had read it in the original French, but beyond that, the most interesting conversations I had in those days were when comparing the various English translations of the novel to each other and to the original French. There were Opinions on who had done it best, and who got closer to the original, but then not quite as much, because “see, here this word that Hugo used can be interpreted in a different way and it changes the entire meaning of the next sentence.”

More recently, a woman translated The Illiad or the Odyssey, I don’t quite remember, and her interpretation of certain scenes completely changed their meaning. I’m working off my memory, here, but I think I recall reading that where men had translated “prostitute”, she had translated “companion”, or something along those lines, and it showed how the translator brings their own worldview to a work, it’s inevitable.

I am not trying to compare One Direction fanfiction to The Illiad, let’s be clear. What I’m attempting to say in too many words is that fanfiction is derivative work, and so are translations. I, personally, will never be against people translating my work if I’m credited correctly. Without translations, I wouldn’t have known Disney growing up. I wouldn’t have known Anne of Green Gables, or Lord of the Rings, or Harry Potter, or Winnie the Pooh, or Alice in Wonderland, or any other work that have shaped my psyche as a child. Far from me to say that my native French culture is not rich in itself with works (I owe as much to the Comtesse de Ségur as I do to Lucy Maud Montgomery), but translations allow me to be able to take part of a global conversation, to be a part of the Internet’s collective unconscious.

At the same time, with the plague that are unauthorized reposts of our works, I understand why other people are wary of anything that involves a form of reposting. There is no easy answer to this, but I did want to share my thoughts on the matter as a non-native English speaker and, most importantly, writer.

I’ll conclude by saying that, if anyone is wondering, I’m not writing in my native French because the mere thought of writing a sex scene in the same language I use to talk to my mother is enough to Catholic-guilt me off the face of the planet, without even breaching the topic of writing in the language that has the biggest potential reach.

so, huh, yeah. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

#I'm sure no one will read all of this but here it goes #my two cents on a topic that is close to my heart #dare I tag this #discourse #I hope no one feels attacked by this because it truly wasn't my intention

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blog-of-hubris · 2 years

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Bearing it all for the World to Witness - Takako Uro

Character analysis on Uro, the culling game player I am the most interested in thus far. *DISCLAIMER* This is MY personal meta on Uro. You can feel free to agree or disagree, nothing I feel is necessarily FACT. Anywho, enjoy!

Who is Takako Uro

Takako Uro is one of the newest characters introduced in the Culling Game arc of Jujutsu Kaisen and is probably one of if not my favorite new character introduced. We meet her in the highly volatile Sendai Colony, where she is one of the 4 strongest players there. Unfortunately for her and her peers/rivals Yuta Okkotsu entered the colony with the intention of taking everyone down and obtaining 400 points. What made Uro stand out to me, was not only her appearance (which is obviously there to make you pay attention - more on this later) but just the boldness of her character dialogue and body language. I love a female character who has confidence, skill and isn’t being tomboy written so that she feels relatable to males. Uro is clearly a female character who embodies the realism of powerful women who have resentment toward the world they were born into.

Uro embodies this in many ways, and I basically highlight these throughout this meta in each section. From her technique to the nuance behind her backstory, Uro (to me) is one of Gege’s best written one-off characters without getting a backstory focused chapter like Higaruma. I also find it very interesting that Gege decided to introduce a character that had connection to the Fujiwara and the Michizane clans. Kinda off topic, but I think this was Gege setting up for deeper dive into the past, and Uro was the first stepping stone to that, hence her final conversation with Yuta.

So all we know for a fact about Uro is that she was a head assassin for the Fujiwara clan, was betrayed by them and now has a heavy hatred for their kin. She probably was happy to see the future being a time period where those bloodlines aren’t as prominent which is why she was so ticked off to run into Yuta being so boldly powerful in modern times. It is this layer upon layer for her character that I'll delve into which makes her a gem to me. I do hope you understand where I'm coming from as I ramble and rant about this wonderful woman and how perfect her character is so far.

Surface Manipulation

Uro’s technique is one of my favorites in the series due to its versatility and creativity of a technique. What really gets me is how this technique can be seen as a play on Uro only seeing things on the surface, not looking truly deeper into things. Of course this is something that leans more on the head canon side of the analysis, but its worth exploring. The idea is that Uro only saw things for what they seemed, and she was manipulated because of that. This leans into a section later about Uro’s past and how I think her life came to an end, so consider this a planted seed that’ll get watered as you continue reading.

Otherwise, I think its important to her characterization to highlight her being introduced as a character that could control “the sky”. Instantly I think about the saying “the sky is the limit”, and for the world of jujutsu the sky is NOT the limit; if we were to put a “Ceiling” of some sort I would say the Heavens themselves, and of course Uro’s surface manipulation isn’t effecting the heavens. The Sky is literally her limit, being the maximum application of her technique, letting her fly, use it to block attacks, return blasts back to senders and more. Its a very powerful technique, not as strong as Gojo’s limitless of course but its almost like a subclass version of it. Anyway, I just find her ability to be a way gege is characterizing her without giving away too much of her back story or personality.

Past as one who hasn't achieved

I think its very bold of Gege to consistently bring up the sexism in the jujutsu world throughout the eras. We got a whole character arc around Maki and Mai’s treatment by the Zenin clan, but that wasn't where Gege decided to end the discussion. Uro was a surprise to see, as she clearly and boldly embodies a woman who gave up her own potential as an individual for what she believed was a “greater good”. This was her own words in fact. The idea of fighting for the sake of others is sick to her because of what she experienced in her first life. Uro doesn’t play a riddle game with Yuta or try to confuse him in their fight. She fight him straight up, wanting to crush him head on, butt naked bearing it all for everyone to witness. Thats because she wants to prove herself to everyone and herself. She took Kenjaku’s offer in order to come back and “become someone”.

I’m always so impressed how much Gege has picked up from Togashi in terms of writing nuance and giving just enough information to make certain information “obvious assumptions”. Gege doesn’t have to tell us outright every detail of what happened to Uro, just use Uro’s word choices, body language and thoughts to guide the reader to the obvious assumption. For Uro it was her treatment by the Fujiwara clan, but not just that specifically the man who tricked her into getting executed for the sake of his kin. This is layers onto Uro wanting to “become someone” - she was the lead of a masterclass assassin group that was known to be the shadows themselves, not even having a last name! Her anger burns so strong because she was given a name, told to fight for others and then was used as a scapegoat, not to mention that Gege hints that Uro’s anger stems from a lovers quarrel.

So when you put the pieces together it seems like Uro was involved with this Fujiwara Representative sexually but in secret, of course she actually fell in love with him but his love (seemingly) was not genuine and he used her. With that context in mind, when you look back Uro definitely comes off as a woman full of scorn, but Uro isn’t a fool nor is she mercilessly vindictive. She didn’t go around killing non-sorcerers just to remind herself that she is powerful. She went after other sorcerers, people who could fight back against her - all in order to “become someone” for “her own sake” (more on this later), it just really resonates with me that becoming someone to her is truly just her expressing herself in the spotlight, another play on her floating in the sky naked for everyone to see.

It is clear that since she was a woman with skill and power as an Assassin it was clear to “That Man” (unnamed, status unknown) of the Fujiwara Clan to keep Uro in the shadows not only physically but mentally as well. Her understanding of her role in life was to be on the sidelines, unnoticed, and living for others. Her group of assassins were not even allowed to bear names, yet we know Uro by name - so does that mean she continued with the name given to her by “That Man” or is this a name she gave herself? These are questions I would like answered.

“Become Someone” for “Your Own Sake”

The core to the conflict between Uro and Yuta was not only the misunderstanding with Yuta’s bloodline, but also Yuta’s ignorance and lack of genuine sympathy for Uro’s situation. Yuta himself points out that Uro had 70 points so her focus was clearly only other players, but he still belittled her choices of coming back and fighting in the Culling Game for her “own sake”. So does that mean Yuta wouldn’t look down on someone who came back for the sake of another? Not only that, Uro’s life was taken from her.. she had regrets due to being manipulated by the world around her, so she chose to return from the underworld and move toward a second life. I honestly sided with her when she got angry with Yuta, because it was clear she had more to her situation than met the eye.

Thats not to say that Uro was some perfect girl who was just mistreated, she was a killer - a trained assassin for the Fujiwara clan & at the time was seemingly very proud of it. What I am saying is that Uro may have accepted her death had she not felt like she was wrongly done by the ones she worked for, and that experience may have also opened her eyes to how manipulated she was. I don’t think Uro is a bad person at heart, this was proven to me when she gave Yuta those final words of advise, even though he knew the two them couldn’t necessarily come to an understanding. The truth is, Uro is simply still bitter about her life prior, and her fight to become someone for her own sake has lead her on a path filled with unknowns in a new era still coming face to face with her past regrets just in new appearances.

To become someone for her own sake is Uro coming into the true understanding to transcend in the world of jujutsu. As she said, the sorcerers and cursed spirits that have transcended are those with an unshakable ego, that has no regard for anyone but themselves. Thats the path that Uro is going for, she refuses to go back to fighting for someone else’s sake, because she wants to accomplish something. Once again going back to her being nude in public, this adds to the idea of Uro ignoring the stigmas that come with being a woman, leaving her bare skin out symbolizing her putting her full self out there into the world now, no longer living in shadow and embracing herself to go beyond what she believed she was before.

The thing about Yuta being the main force in her way that is poetic, is the cycle of karma coming to remind her that she hasn’t truly moved on, and someone challenging that makes her instantly revert to her primal anger toward the Fujiwara. Its realistic, faulty and perfect for a character who we know has come back for a second chance at life. That also exposes that Uro hasn't truly harnessed and understood that anger she has. She hasn’t properly converted that negative emotion into focus to become more powerful, but she had the right idea. It reminds me of when Sukuna told Jogo that he should have burned everything at his desire without worry in order to surpass Gojo. Uro has to truly move on, not necessarily forgive if she’s going to truly reach that next level.

Now I wonder what will Uro accomplish in this second life? Will she actually achieve a second life after the culling game or is this all just another part of Kenjaku’s plan and lives will be sacrificed? I think no matter what Uro is fighting now her own place in this new modern world.

What's Next? (Conclusion)

Sorry for ranting on about Uro and probably repeating the same thing over and over lol, but I really wanted to share my thoughts on her! I tried to be concise, and point out the things I found interesting about her character but I am mostly interested in what's next. Gege seems to be setting up these side characters for something important later, and I'm very unsure what they are. I personally hope to see more of Uro, whether it be through flashbacks per Kenjaku or us seeing what she has going on later down the line when all the pieces on the board start to move.

Tell me in the comments below what you think about Uro! (Be nice!!)

#jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen manga #jujutsu kaisen analysis #manga #jujutsu kaisen theory #dh🍵

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lovelycleon · 3 years

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So I decided to make an analysis about the last scene of Infinite Darkness

But before I start with the fun part, I just want to tell you that my history with “angst ships”

I had a bad experience with another ship, soul mates full of angst tropes and true love, beautiful... and a really bad ending because the showrunner fought with the actors (I wasted years watching and I regret it).

Anyway, after suffering that kind of pain, no other ships and angst scenes can hit me hard enough. I'm numb or just got used to it. You choose.

So maybe the scene of Leon and Claire's argument wasn't that impactful for me because of that. But for all the fans who felt hurt, I understand and it's okay to feel that way, because the scene was meant to hurt. The scene exists because of that. And your feelings are valid.

So let's get to the fun part.

spoiler alert, it's not that fun, it actually hurts 😅

The scene starts with Leon going to meet Claire at the gates of the White House.

I don't think anyone denies the fact that, whatever Leon is doing, he just wants to protect Claire. And he doesn't want her involved because of it.

But this dialogue makes this even more evident if we analyze how it begins.

Nothing in a show or movie is by accident. Everything is handpicked for one reason or another. The meaning is not always that deep, but there is still a meaning behind it all.

So when – of all the ways a conversation can be started – they decide to make Claire joke that she sneaked out of the hospital, Leon takes it seriously and she has to clarify that it's a joke, there's a reason:

Show that Leon is taking what happened to her too serious, and Claire not that much.

When Claire makes a comment about when he's going to stop treating her like a kid and he says probably never. There's a reason:

Show that Leon wants to protect her (or being overprotective) and Claire doesn't like it.

Of course, some might argue that this specific line is capcom trying to show that their feelings aren't romantic and sink the ship completely. And, ok, people are free to think that.

But if they really wanted to sink cleon forever, they shouldn't have done the scene of Leon saving Claire the way they did. They did it because they knew it would tease a certain part of the fans... They knew exactly what they were doing...

And there's simply no reason to tease a ship you want to sink.

So no, I don't think that's it...

For me the scene means the classic and simple: "stop being worried about me🙄" "noooo🗣️"

Another way to intensify Leon being overprotective is Claire's broken arm. A reminder that she was injured following his plan. Just as she was hurt the last time they saw each other in Harvardville.

And yes, I know Degeneration made Claire hurt to take her out of the action. It is undeniable. But somehow I don't think the same situation and reason applies to Infinite darkness.

Because Claire was already out of combat, following Leon's plan and showing no intention of doing anything different. It's not like she's going to attack the monster that is several platforms higher than where she is. She couldn't fly around and there were no guns where she was anyway.

So why hurt her to get her out of combat if the story itself has already done that?

Again, you are free to think differently. Capcom made Claire dirty, she was underestimated and they wasted her potential. I won't argue with that, I'm also on the team Claire deserves better.

I just don't think it fits this specific situation.

The injured arm is there and a awkward conversation about Leon being overprotective starts because of it. I think it makes sense.

So moving on.

Claire mentions the chip and Leon looks disappointed for a moment and says he thought they were going to dinner.

This is to indicate that he didn't come to see her with the intention of breaking their friendship. Leon just wanted to spend a good time with her and nothing more. Some place a little more normal, maybe?👀

But Claire wants the chip and tells Leon her plan. The same plan that Shen May was killed trying to convince her partner to follow. Is there a parallel here?

The only difference is that Jason broke her neck while Leon decided to break Claire's heart.

Okay now I could show more parallels between them, but I won't because this is already too long and I know maybe I'm reading too much into this. Resident Evil isn't that deep most of the time 😂

Anyway, Claire asked for the chip and Leon said no.

And that's the point, right.

The climax of the conversation and the turning point in their relationship.

Note that Leon took a few seconds to say he couldn't. That was the moment when he made his decision...

He went to meet her for dinner, remember? He didn't expect to have this conversation or make a decision like that. But he had to.

Now, I'm not from the US and I don't trust politicians in general, fiction or not. But I admit this sounds realistic.

Just imagine if the president makes a speech about peace and prosperity and whatever and the next day the media reveals that members of the government are involved in BOW and planning an attack on another country.

At the very least, it won't look good.

In the worst case, it will be a catastrophe 😂

So... I don't agree with Leon, but I understand why he chose this.

It's an important decision, however. And how long it takes him to say something and how he's quiet after saying it shows he knows what's on the line. Not just the security of the country and “peace”, but also his relationship with Claire.

And despite everything... He didn't lie to her.

It would be much easier for Leon to simply say "the chip was destroyed in the fight" when she asked. Claire would never know about it and probably never doubt him. And they would still be fine with each other and having dinner.

But he didn't lie. Why?

Because their relationship is not based on lies. And it's not based on betrayals.

And while it may be hard to believe right now and it hurts to think about it, this relationship is still based on truth and trust in each other. And now their relationship is being tested.

It's easy to trust someone you're on good terms. How hard it must be to trust someone who has let you down.

There is a lot of room for development here.

Obviously Claire felt hurt in this moment. Maybe even betrayed. Heartbroken. I think we all feel that same way.

But Leon played fair there. He said he had the chip, showed it to her, and then said he wouldn't give it to her.

He was honest with her. And this act also shows respect.

They are two people with different points of view and that truth hurts.

There is silence as they look at each other. She never asked his reasons and he obviously never told them. The exchange of glances is enough for them to understand what was happening.

When Claire says “you do things your way and I do mine” it's almost like “do you know what that means? ”

Then Leon nods and another moment of silence. The time they need to accept that the relationship is broken.

Now that's angst

Interesting choice of camera angle. Showing her broken arm as a visual reminder of why he was pushing her away like that.

Claire leaves, but looks back and says again that his outfit doesn't suit him.

What's interesting here is that the director has done a few interviews over the past few weeks and he always said that the suit is a representation of Leon's position in government.

Claire commenting that it doesn't suit him is basically the writers/producers/directors admitting that this position doesn't look good.

And while all the characters praising Leon for his success, Claire is the one who sees this reality and who he truly is out of the suit (position)

And that's good angst.

Claire walks away and Leon with a sad look watching her leave and he has to say to himself "I will stop this".

Could it be just one of his one-lines? Yes.

Could it be a way for him to remind himself why he's doing this, even if it means sacrificing his relationship with Claire?

It's already done, now he has to make it worth it.

Whatever happens after that is a mystery.

I don't think Claire believes that Leon is going to cover up the government's involvement in things (their discussion would be much more intense if that were the case), she probably thinks he's going to resolve it internally without taking anything public, which is precisely what she wants to do.

I also don't think Leon believes Claire is going to give up on the investigation, he probably thinks it's going to take some time to her to get real evidence and he has time to carry out his plans.

But this is capcom... They are masters of forgetting plot points. So who knows.

Angst is only good if it has a good closure. I hope they keep that in mind.

In any other tv show that used this kind of angst trope and drama I would be completely fine...

I would expect a sequel to this plot. The characters find each other unexpectedly, having to work together and acting awkwardly because they don't know how to stick around each other after the argument. Then the story would develop and they would gradually mend their relationship.

That's the trope.

So that's all I can hope for.

#cleon #this just got too long and l didn't write half of my thought 😅#I only watch the show once but I've seen this scene a thousand times #I'll probably have more to say after rewatching everything again #leon kennedy #claire redfield #resident evil infinite darkness #leon x claire #claire x leon

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bbq-hawks-wings · 3 years

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Chapter 316: BBQ is capable of critiquing BNHA and… Oh boy.

Let's start this off properly, Horikoshi's typical quality of writing has been diminishing in recent chapters, but this week it was so different that it didn't even feel like Horikoshi was the one who wrote it.

To be clear, I'm not blaming Horikoshi for the issues I'm about to bring up. The man is criminally overworked, usually doesn't even get the final say in what makes it in the final drafts, and even in his other rough patches he's still produced decent chapters that hold up amongst the grand scheme of things. This feels like something else is going on behind the scenes, and while I have my suspicions on who/what might be the culprit behind it, I choose not to share it at this time because if I name names some people might go off on a crusade, and that's not what I want.

I just want to be clear that I'm not blindly firing off shots in the dark, but despite my frustrations I want to wait to see if this gets resolved down the line, and while I do I can complain about the specific reasons this chapter left such a bitter taste in my mouth.

Buckle up, buttercups, because we got a lot of points to cover.

Where's the Gun?

Not a literal gun, but I mean Chekhov's Gun. It has always been a staple of Horikoshi's writing and the reason so many of his long-standing plot lines have paid off so well.

Chekhov's Gun is a writing principal that if you see a gun on the table in the first act of a play, it will be used in the murder that happens in act 2. Basically, the author should include details that are relevant to the story and not betray the audience by leading them in one direction and at the last minute pull the rug out from underneath them to go in another direction.

Horikoshi has done this to phenomenal success in the past. Just as one example, he dropped hints about Nomu being human experiments early in the series but held off explicitly stating it for a while. He hinted at the loss of Shirakumo in the main narrative and that he was important to Aizawa and Mic as well as approved it for Vigilantes so when it was revealed that Kurogiri was Shirakumo's body, not only did it narratively make sense but it also pulled in Eraserhead and Present Mic's emotional stakes into the battle with the Doctor, and then when Ujiko reveals he was after Aizawa's quirk the whole time it made the payoff for Mic punching him in the face all that much better and brings the weight of his crimes and the impact they have on the victims full circle.

That's 3 different guns paying off in the long run: the Nomu, Shirakumo, and both Mic and Eraserheads' personal arcs past the loss of their childhood friend and that they could finally finish processing their grief and avenge him in full righteous fury instead of chalking it all up to cruel chance.

He has left details, some particularly innocuously, in plot lines like the Touya Todoroki reveal, Hawks' backstory, Shigaraki's blood connection to Nana Shimura, even with Mr. Compress's backstory, and more. When re-read, these details become more obvious and usually leaves us with a greater sense of satisfaction in the plot knowing that twists and turns were not only planned, but built up to and hinted at for us to find so the payoff is that much better and it feels purposeful instead of just shock factor.

None of that happened this chapter.

Lady Nagant has zero business being in this plotline. She was never hinted about before this arc, and her existence does nothing to tell us about the plot moving forward or the world that they're trying to change. Nothing her existence provides actually has any bearing on the universe or tells us anything we don't already know. But that's not how she was presented.

In the beginning we're given a glimpse of her helping Overhaul escape from Tartarus. The focus on her was odd enough to begin with as a new character, and the fact that she didn't look like she fit the profile of someone who belonged in Tartarus was like a flashing neon sign saying, "Pay attention! This new character is important!!!" She then shows up later with Overhaul in hand to attack Deku out of the blue. We get her talking about how she thought Overhaul might be useful and her disillusions with Hero Society. We catch her mannerisms with eery similarity to Hawks only to find out immediately after she was a senior colleague in the HPSC. Never once to my knowledge has Hawks referred to any of his senior colleagues as a "senpai" - not even his fellow heroes - and when he catches her in midair, he uses the words, "Don't die on me, senpai!" as if she's near and dear to his heart.

The entire character arc is set up for her to have known about Hawks and grapple with her desire to help people and her fear of re-creating what she hated, and this also set up Hawks to be the successor who succeeded where she failed and helped bring her to a place where she could be a hero without guilt again. What actually happened?

They're strangers.

They have never actually met before, and while he seems to know a lot about her, she doesn't even seem to have any idea of who he was - at least as far as being another hero under the thumb of the HPSC. So ALLLL that setup, all that gesturing, and all of the potential themes that would be right at home in an arc like this goes completely out the window.

Her story doesn't tell us anything new. The HPSC bad. We knew that. They're not above throwing innocents under the bus to achieve that goal. We knew that. They preyed upon young hopefuls with powerful quirks with the intent to maintain the status quo. We knew that even if the fact that Hawks isn't the only one now makes more questions than answers. We know that these young heroes can never say no under threat of steep, life-shattering consequences. We knew that already.

So what does Lady Nagant even bring to the table?! The entire "you're just a puppet doing what you've been told" angle is a little tired and out of place in this point and time with actual anarchy in the streets (not to mention hypocritical considering she was a blind puppet following orders and offers zero actual solutions that supposedly fall in line with her heroic nature), and it could have been left to any number of other villain characters who could have executed on the theme better - you know, like Shigaraki who's justification this entire time has been, "hero society doesn't make people safe, it just makes them feel safe" from the moment of his inception.

So from that angle she's unnecessary.

Her presence messes with the continuity of the series as well. If Hawks is supposed to explicitly replace her, that would mean that he wasn't just a fluke find on the commission's part and grabbed to mold into their own special superweapon; and that also would mean that her killing of the former president was before he was discovered which should put her at least in her forties. If this isn't the case, and he was meant to simply replace her in a "special agent" case, that still begs the question of how many more gifted children the commission preyed upon and are still out there.

And maybe the worst kicker for me is that something stinks. The way the art in this chapter is presented, if you completely blanked out the speech bubbles, is the same setup I had before - Hawks reaches out to his former mentor and pulls her from the brink of despair with a moving message about why he never gave up hope in being a hero who could actually make a difference.

Again, this is not what we got. He claims he knows her, and it's implied to have been a deep, personal character witness; but at best he only knows about her from secondhand sources. Even his reasoning as to how he never lost hope doesn't vibe with his character.

We have gotten so many cool one-liners for Hawks, but there has always been a consistent tone and imagery with them.

"Those who can fly, should."

"I don't belong in a cage."

"I'm free of my shackles."

"Can I be a shining light, just like him?"

What we got was, "I'm an optimist to a fault" which was the wording the official release went with and was by far the best iteration I have seen, but even this falls short of being truly in character for him and answering her question properly.

@mikeana made an edit of the titular panels for us Hawks stans this week with dialogue we and a few other friends felt was more fitting not only with the imagery of the chapter itself but internally consistent with the specific expressions Hawks uses in his heartfelt, personal dialogue. I just tweaked it a little bit more to fit what I was going for in our original conversation.

Which brings me to another concern.

2. What's the point?

There was no use for Nagant in the series as she's been presented so far. But more than that, Hawks has no business in this fight to begin with. He literally did nothing to earn this emotional moment, and this should have been Deku's moment.

We were teased in an interview with Horikoshi that Hawks was going to get a special moment as an important end-game character as a "shining light" of hope for others to follow as well as promises for Ochako to have another moment in the spotlight to make a difference.

If this was Hawks' shining light moment, it wasn't necessary, and it does nothing to move the plot forward or develop characters in any true or believable way. It just happened because plot. This should have been Deku's victory through and through, and even he is the reason BOTH Hawks and Nagant made it out alive instead of painting the street below them.

Deku's victory was stolen from him, too. It sours the other promises made to us about other characters moving forward, as well, if this really was Hawks' "Shining Light" moment.

By the way, did you forget about Overhaul? Me too!!! What was the point of getting our hopes up about reintroducing this beloved character with the implications this was a major arc setup to have him scream about pops and then get detained with no clues about what's going to happen to him besides, "Say you're sorry to Eri, and you get to see pops"?!

All this posturing and clumsy narrative flailing only actually succeeded in getting Deku in front of AFO again for plot when we already know Mr. Potato Head could summon, show himself to, or find Deku at any time he wanted. But instead we get this time skip with a bunch of heroes completely mended walking into a big, spooky mansion for AFO to evil monologue at Deku for… *counts*

FOUR PAGES!!!

Only to then give him the "I want YOU!" point over a pre-recorded message and the final nail in the coffin to me that something is off.

3. Ex-pu-LOOOO-SHUN!

It's become almost a game among friends to count how many explosions have happened since the end of the war arc - and specifically fake-out explosions. In the end of 311 we get All Might's car attacked via explosion and Deku cornered by Nagant only for All Might to be fine in the next chapter. In 315 Lady Nagant herself explodes in a blaze of glory to once again not be dead.

Gee! I wOnDeR if aLl the heroes were AcTuAlLy cornered and KiLlEd in that explosion in the mansion!

None of us do. They're fine. We're going to see it first thing next week. The shock has worn off, and it's repetitive and annoying at this point. There is no cliffhanger despite how the framing might try to tell you otherwise.

It's BAD WRITING.

The writing has been moving far too quickly and clumsily with no explanation in sight, and even character interactions are being cut short to the point of them being meaningless and empty.

This doesn't even feel like Horikoshi's bad writing. It feels like someone else is trying to call the shots and rushing him through these final bits of the series, and he's run out of things he's previously set up for months and months to reappear so someone is trying to get Dabi-reveal levels of attention with arcs and storylines that don't have the build-up to result in a satisfactory payoff.

4. At least it can get better... I hope.

Maybe those who share my suspicions or know what particular suspicions I have are with me in believing that this is a temporary disappointment and we haven't seen the last of the writing that's captivated me for years. I don't blame Horikoshi for these glaring faults that all came to a head in this chapter.

It CAN get better later, and I think it WILL- we just probably are going to have to wait for it. Until then, I'm going to enjoy the Hawks panels we got, maybe edit the last few chapters to be more in line with something more like the BNHA I know in a "fix it fic" fashion so I don't groan in anticipation of how long it might take us to get there.

See you all next week, hopefully on a much brighter note.

#she speaks #chapter review #bnha 316 #bnha chapter 316 #bnha manga spoilers

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acciocriativity · 3 years

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You and Me || Harry Potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin/Reader

Summary: It's always been you and Draco since you can remember, the invincible duo, the two of you against the world but some things have changed along the way and it's not news to any soul at Hogwarts but it's time your parents knew too.

Word Count: 2,8k

A/N: I took a bit to finish but here it is your story @x-dratie-x. I hope you all like it! Tom Riddle is not Voldemort in this oneshot, Voldemort didn’t exist at all but the events of the first war and its consequences still is valid, but with another wizard.

Warnings: A very very slightly sexual conversation and that's all

1987

I didn't want to be at that dinner, I didn't want to have to listen all day long to how well I should behave because the Malfoy's were such an important family or something.

I had plans for the week, I would go with our elf to buy more art supplies and I was allowed to spend the day outside the house, just drawing the landscape.

My parents never let me participate in events like this, because I might mess up, say something inappropriate for the moment, or whatever excuse they decided to make up. But out of the blue, I was told that I would have to be there. Why? I couldn't understand and I didn't even ask them, what good would it do? None.

The day was only getting worse and worse by the hour for me, I just wanted to take off that dress and go play but I couldn't, obviously. So I did what was left to me, smile and eat politely without making any noise or comments, not that there were any comments I would like to make. I had no idea what they were talking about, it was absolutely boring. The only thing that made me feel slightly better were my own thoughts and the fact that their son was as bored as I was.

We knew each other because of some casual encounters between our parents but never had the opportunity to talk to each other, because of course, only grown-ups talk.

But it seems that I drew the long straw after a horrible day, after dinner Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy were invited to stay a little longer and I was excused along with Draco to play.

I could hardly believe it, I wouldn't have to sit there and smile for another 45 minutes, my happiness couldn't be measured at that moment. Not even waiting for my mother to say it again, I stood up and said goodbye politely with a smile before walking up the stairs and I could hear footsteps following me somewhat hesitantly but I didn't care at the moment.

"Come on, let's go play in my room", I exclaimed with a huge smile and threw the bow tie, which was pinning my hair, on the floor and quickly walked over to it uncaringly.

I missed his shocked expression but as soon as we reached my door, he made sure to make it clear to me.

"Do your parents let you do that?", the question made no sense in my head but stopping to think about it now, it makes sense, he should always be flawless.

"They don't care as long as it's not in front of guests, you won't tell them, right?", his greyish blue eyes reflected mine and for a few seconds I thought that was a beautiful effect.

He looked away from me and nodded slightly in agreement, his face covered in shyness and I just squealed with delight. I opened the door and pulled him inside, his hand was so cold that I thought about taking one of my jackets and handing it to him.

"So what do you want to do? I have some toys in my closet, I'll get them", I walked happily to the door and proceeded to try to decide what I would want. Some was not the best word, there were a lot of them, far more than I would ever use.

I came back with a big mulberry box that I've only been able to carry within the last year and placed it on my bed but he didn't even notice, he was looking at my drawings.

"Oh, you liked them. I wish I had done one more today, do you want to try?", I asked him and walked over to the table where my sheets were.

"Yeah, they're not too bad", he stated nonchalantly and I didn't believe him for a moment but I chose to keep my mouth shut for once.

I picked up two white sheets, two quills and sat down quietly on the floor, since I didn't have two chairs for the two of us but it seems he wasn't used to that.

"Come on, hurry up, your parents won't be here forever", I patted the seat next to me and soon he sat down as well, I noticed his posture still uncomfortable and my goal for the day turned to change that, if only for 5 minutes.

From that day on, we became closer and our parents obviously understood and liked that, because we were strengthening their relationship and at no point that crossed my mind. I was just happy to be supported by my parents to visit Draco.

1991

My Hogwarts letter had arrived some weeks ago and I hadn't let go at any point, going to Diagon Alley had become a completely different experience and I couldn't wait, but I had to because I pleaded with my and his parents so that we would go together.

But the day had finally arrived and I had to contain all my energy to not look like an out of control little girl, nothing out of the ordinary but today was more difficult because I was genuinely happy. I was always genuinely happy with my only real friend.

"Y/N, you must hurry or we are going to be late", I could hear my mother's voice from downstairs just as I finished putting on my flats.

As it was a very important occasion I had chosen my favorite outfit, even my parents were a little excited too. They had told me that they had met at Hogwarts and that I would find someone from a good family at Slytherin as well. This part was completely ignored by me but they never found out about it.

"I'm here mom, we won't be late", I said as soon as I came down the stairs and approached them without running. We were near the fireplace and I mentally thanked them for not having to apparate, because it was always a horrible experience for me.

"Okay, I'll go first and you two right after", my father made sure to announce although he always goes first when we go out like that.

After a few minutes, we arrived in front of Flourish & Blotts and there was the imposing Malfoy family. After a small talk in which I had no interest in paying attention to, we all went inside and we were finally able to talk while our parents were engaged in a conversation with the attendant.

"I've already said it once and I'll say it again, I honestly don't understand how you're not that excited, it's Hogwarts", I whispered to him as we walked through the messy shelves full of books.

"It doesn't seem like a great thing after hearing it so many times", I could clearly see that there was something more there, I had known him long enough to know that and also that he wouldn't tell me easily.

"Okay, so you're telling me that you're not the least bit excited to leave Malfoy Manor to start your life?", his lips twitched trying to hold back a smile, his eyes shifted from mine, looking for something to distract himself.

But I could stop him, my cunning little hands went to his waist tickling that area before he could prevent me from doing so. That was enough to make him laugh, although he denied that he was ticklish every time I asked.

This attack did not end well for me, because revenge existed in his vocabulary and was even overused. I had to run, as fast as I could, and it still didn't work.

And why? Because I went to a dead end corridor upstairs, I had never even visited the second floor of that store, the day I went there I had to get unlucky.

In short, I was attacked twice more without mercy, my glasses almost got broken and we were so noisy that the owner gave us a scolding and our parents did the same as soon as we left with our packages, but this was not enough to ruin the day and our good mood.

1993

It was already expected that we would both end up in Slytherin, which was great because we didn't have to be separated, on the opposite, we became closer than ever. It also didn't take long to form our group of friends, actually not more than a month but the thing that made us truly close started in the third year when I had a genius idea.

We all had a reason to dislike Harry, mine was nowhere near Draco's, no one's was but we shared it anyway. It was always fun to pick fights with him, make pranks and get him into trouble on purpose, so why not make it a little game? It was so easy that the idiots, Crabbe and Goyle understood the first few times, you can't expect more than that from them, and this was certainly a record for both.

The game had three main objectives:

- Take the most materials from Harry or his friends: ink, quill, books, whatever they were carrying would be a prize and would get a point.

- See him or his friends more often, with the intention of spying on them just for fun, of course. It could be in class or in the corridors, each time would be an extra point.

- Pick fights with him or his friends, each minute was worth one point and to be proven, had to have someone to confirm it.

Of course, there was no room for lies, and I made sure to put a spell on our board to prevent this. Yes, I had made a small board that stayed with me but each team wrote down their own score.

To make it more fun, we split up into pairs. Draco and I, Pansy and Blaise, Grabbe and Goyle, Astoria and Millicent and Tom and Theo.

And finally, the best part, whoever had the most points at the end of the year would win 5 galleons from each person, as well as having a celebration party financed by the losers.

Needless to say, Draco and I always won since the day I created the game. Our friends always complained about us playing dirty but it was never necessary and deep down they knew it, it must be hard to lose every year so I don't judge them.

1995

"Are they still complaining?", I remained with my eyes closed, it was comfortable to lie curled up against Draco on the couch in the common room. We had two free classes, which was being put to good use to get some rest after a year of N.O.M.S. and a devastating victory in our little game.

"They'll get over it when we come back in September, I guess.... You're missing the best part", his voice came out whispered directly into my ear and I couldn't help but smile.

I didn't need to see the scene to know what was going on, Tom and Theo blaming each other for the defeat, everyone standing back from them because no one wants to get involved in their ego battle and our other friends trying not to laugh because it was a funny scene, even if they didn't know it.

"They're taking longer than last time...", I commented slightly annoyed by the noise. I had no idea what had happened to me, because usually I spent the afternoon celebrating my victory but not today.

"Let's get out of here, you seems so good", he hadn't even completed his sentence when I agreed and painfully got up to go to his room.

But before I could take two steps, I felt his arms go around my waist and legs, leading me up the stairs in a bridal style.

I smiled wider and snuggled into his arms, enjoying more of the warmth and good feeling it gave me until we reached the bed.

"Thanks honey, I don't know what happened today", I commented under my breath as soon as he had me lying on the bed, but I knew it was a lie.

"Are you sure? This isn't related to the fact that our parents will know about our relationship in a few days?", I hoped he would pretend he didn't know but that wasn't the case, I wasn't going to be able to run away from the subject.

"It's just that I don't like them meddling in our lives, of course I have nothing against your parents, I'll love to be introduced as your girlfriend but my parents will be twice as unbearable", I sighed and hugged the blond once more, if there was one thing that made me better it was this.

"Like my mom isn't going to start a 3 year planning for our wedding after she finds out, but at least they'll be used to it by the end of the summer and we won't have to go through this again", he began to fiddle with my hair and curl the strands between his fingers, slowly my shoulders relaxed and a considerable chunk of my worry faded away.

"Yes, I think so but it's going to be a lot harder for us to be alone now. You definitely won't be stepping foot in my room like you did when we used to play together", the memories flooded back and I felt him smile too, it had been a while since this had escaped my thoughts.

"I don't need to worry about that, we slept together for almost the entire year at Hogwarts and they can't do anything about it and we'll keep doing it", I couldn't see him since my face was buried in his neck, but the perfect image of his mischievous grin formed in my head.

"The question is, will you survive for two months without me? Because I don't see that happening", I teased with a huge smirk as I turned to look him in the eye.

"It won't happen because your father won't be enough to stop me love and I'll make sure you don't have to resort to your hands, because we know it wouldn't be enough", smugness was all over his face and as much as I searched for an answer to that, I didn't have one. Not in the first few seconds.

"Good love, that's good because I'm sure your hands wouldn't do a better job either. In fact, I'd be a little worried if they actually still work, in case we get separated", I had managed to wipe the smirk off his face but I also knew it wouldn't stay that way, revenge was still an overused word in his vocabulary.

A week later, there I was on one of the Hogwarts Express cars with Draco, since we couldn't fit all our friends there anyway, we decided to enjoy the last hours of freedom we had together.

And how quickly it went by, one moment I was chatting with my boyfriend while my puppy slept peacefully in her travel bed and the next, we had arrived and a wave of students were trying to get through the doors at the same time.

We stepped off the train holding hands, while I carried only my baby in the other, and this detail did not escape the trained eyes of our parents who were talking side by side but as soon as they noticed us they stopped.

"For Merlin's sake, you two finally decided to listen to me and are in a relationship now?", my mother's eyes sparkled with excitement and I could already hear her voice asking me all sorts of embarrassing questions. "Narcisa, our family is finally becoming one, this is the best news I could ever receive", she could jump for joy now but because of the good posture of a London high society woman, she did not do that.

"How about dinner at our house today? We have a good reason to celebrate," I had seen his mother smile at me several times but even Lucius Malfoy seemed satisfied enough to show a little bit of his teeth, which is indeed shocking.

My parents agreed to the idea immediately and only one look was exchanged between Draco and me, it only took a single look to know that we both acknowledged it would be an insufferable night.

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