#I hope you stub your pinky toe

[yes---but---no]

Its friday the 13th

I hope your cereal gets soggy

I hope you step on a random water puddle with socks on

[nightfallsystem]

All furry art is NSFW. Pls remove the safe fur work tag on your furry art then replace that tag with nsfw furry.

im 13 :)

[rammstein4ever]

I'm trying to poop in peace on company time but someone is in the bathroom playing loud ass music

[letsriddlemethislucifer]

--- She just huffs and kicks at the ground. Dumb Toya left her behind to do his own thing. Guess she should go somewhere herself.

[grandmafc]

i’m not paying forty dollars for this tire fire hellhole of a website get fucked get bent get wrecked

[neoplatinum]

we meet again | huh 'jennifer' yunjin

summary: yunjin and reader go on their non-refundable anniversary trip...as exes

pairing: ex gf!yunjin x ex!reader

themes: exes to lovers, miscommunication, discussions of needs, angst, fluff, suggestive-ish, paris!, sprinkles of humor here and there

wc: 4.5k

you stare into your cup of coffee as you wait for your plane to be ready to take off, the warm coffee is a nice contrast from the coldness you can feel from the woman next to you: your ex of four months yunjin.

she's been all frowny and defensive ever since you picked her up for the trip. her huffing and puffing and crossed arms and legs as she looks away from you.

you haven't spoken to her in months until you got an email that the trip you planned for your anniversary with yunjin sent a reminder email. you cursed your old self for setting up an auto-email service to notify her of the trip too.

then she texted you:

jennifer huh (ex): did you plan an anniversary trip for us?

you call her immediately, knowing you have to explain what happened.

"hi jen, and yes i did plan this as an anniversary trip." you begin rubbing your forehead as you try and weasel your way out of this awkward conversation.

"okay...it says here it's non-refundable." yunjin has always been quick at reading between the lines and you practically prayed for her to miss that portion.

"ah yes, well it is non-refundable." you fiddle around with a stress ball as she talks.

"so are we going?" yunjin cuts you off.

"what?" you sputter out, the stress ball that's been in your hand turning being smashed as small as possible. you begin pacing back and forth and even end up stubbing your toe. "fuck!"

"are you okay?" yunjin stops in the middle of her explanation when you curse through the phone. you mutter a quick yes and she continues, "well its my ticket, and i want to go. were you planning on going with anyone else?" yunjin goes silent.

"well no, maybe my sister but you would still have to transfer the ticket." you explain and sit back down, damn that pinky toe hurts so much.

"so it is my ticket." yunjin continues and you nod through the phone, "okay, i am going then." you groan out loud and yunjin begins calling you dramatic.

"whatever yunjin, i'll pick you up for the airport, i'll talk to you later."

--

leading to you both now sitting by the airport benches, both of your luggage separating you by a seat. all around you are families or couples headed for paris, when all you can think about is how soon this will be over.

yunjin is sporting her long leather jacket and her newly dyed red hair, which if you were being honest scared you when you first saw her. now all you can do is stare at how well it works for her, even near cursing her for still making your heartbeat after dumping you.

"stupid red." you mutter to yourself as you swirl your cup.

"what was that?" yunjin takes off one side of her headphones and leans into you.

"oh, just nice red hair." she nods at that and turns back to her music, plugging her headphones in. you scoff at the audacity of her. with that you turn back to watching planes, and hope that this three day trip ends quickly.

--

you're settling into your seat and ready to plug your earbuds in for this flight when you notice the couple next to you giggling loudly while cuddling each other, rolling your eyes at them two.

the girl looks at you and yunjin who has taken the window seat, "are you guys going to paris for your honeymoon?" she asks you while the guy nods excitedly at you.

"uhh, no we're not." you let out a nervous chuckle as the two begin going on a long conversation (very one-sided by the way) about how in love they are, and how they're going to paris for their honeymoon/anniversary. all you can do is sheepishly smile along and hope their monologue ends soon (it doesn't). yunjin chuckles next to you and you kick her subtly to get her to stop.

while you suffer through the long monologue of how they met, how many cats they raise and even drama about their friends, yunjin finds it hilarious yet sad, because honestly, you two could've been that couple, had you two not broken up.

-- day 1

"gosh! they talked my ear off, you know i downloaded like five different movies and a bunch of playlists for that flight, only to not watch a SINGLE movie." you begin venting about the couple to which yunjin finds amusing and pokes fun at you.

"that's on you for not knowing how to exit a conversation." she smiles as you both get a cab to the hotel.

once you've placed your luggage into the trunk and set off, you continue, "listen, i've always been horrible at exiting those situations, didn't help that they were both so enthusiastic."

"i know, it's how i got your number, remember?" yunjin says and you stop for a second, thinking about the first time you met. It was at a concert where she was next to you, talking your ear off about how much she loved the artist. she came alone because none of her friends listened to the artist. you, being the kind soul you were, let her talk to you through the whole concert, even letting her talk through your favorite song.

"yeah, i guess so." you turn away from yunjin in the cab, with the rest of the ride turning quiet.

--

"roses on the bed, and a single king bed?" yunjin questions as you enter the hotel suite. you begin to heat up, remembering how you specifically requested rose petals in the shape of a heart and champagne in an ice bath, along with towels folded into swans facing each other and kissing. god, the things you do when you're in love.

"ah! well, it was for our anniversary so i made a special request." you say really hoping she couldn't hear you.

"well, i'm glad i came, now that i can see this, i can make fun of you for being so cheesy," she says as she grabs the champagne from the metal bucket. "damn, champagne's expensive too. how much did you spend on this trip?"

she pops the champagne cork and starts pouring the golden liquid into two champagne flutes. passing one of the flutes to you.

"too much, had to dip into my savings," you say as you think about the credit card bill, a full body shiver running up your spine just at the thought.

she laughs and smiles at you, "well, consider me lucky."

you cough and try not to think about how different this trip would've been had you two not separated.

"i'm going to go wash up." yunjin puts her flute down and starts digging through her suitcase. you nod settle into one of the armchairs and turn on the hotel tv.

the shower turns on and with that you try to quiet your heart, constantly reassuring yourself that you will get through this trip and be able to be back at home away from an ex you're still in love with.

"what did i get myself into?" you groan and close your eyes, letting the sleep overtake you.

--

"hey...hey wake up." yunjin gently shakes your arm as you wake up from your nap. you groan and mumble incoherent thoughts.

"how long have i been asleep?" the grogginess is still settling into your bones, you open your eyes to the sight of yunjin wearing more casual clothes but still looking effortlessly beautiful with her wavy red hair and adorable glasses perched on her nose.

"long enough, i'm hungry, let's get dinner." she says and you nod, feeling the hunger from not eating on the plane and immediately falling asleep in the hotel.

outside, the sun has started to set, people are chatting and bright lights are adorning the streets. people are lively and there's even buskers playing violin and guitars, enticing the people to spare a few coins for their astounding performance.

you trail behind yunjin, watching the way she absorbs into the parisian night, with her film camera in hand and a smile adorning her face. it makes you yearn, yearn for another universe where you're hers once more. but to also yearn for answers of why she dumped you all those months ago.

"let's go in this one." she turns around and you're snapped out of your thoughts, she points at the restaurant and you follow her in. the smell of delicious food and the warm atmosphere is making you more hungry.

"right this way." your server brings you to your booth. and you seat yourself in front of yunjin, honestly something you haven't done in so long, that it's like you're falling in love all over again. the warm yellow lamp hanging over the booth makes her skin glow, and not to mention just her in general has your knees weak.

instead of staring at her like a fool, you try to focus on the menu in front of you. it works well because after a few glances at the mostly french menu, you're beyond confused with what to order. eyebrows furrowing and biting your nails at the french words.

"are you ready to order?" the waiter stands before you and before you can get out a word asking what these dishes are yunjin is quickly ordering her dinner in french and you sit there anxious.

"and for you?" the waiter turns to you.

"uh, this one?" you point at the menu and show him, he nods taking quick note of the orders before leaving.

you're back to the awkwardness of not having a menu in front of you to distract you from the beauty that is yunjin.

"so....how are you doing? dating anyone?" you start, trying to break the ice. you fiddle with your thumbs and avoid her gaze as she processes the questions you have thrown at her.

"are you kidding me? that's how you are going to start the conversation?" she scoffs at your lame attempt at having a serious conversation.

"what? i think those are reasonable questions." you mumble to yourself, feeling embarrassed you start drinking the water next to you.

"fine. i am doing fine and no, i am not dating anyone." she crosses her arms and glares at you from across the table.

"cool cool...." you trail off, trying to watch other people and feeling a little giddy when yunjin said she wasn't dating anyone.

the waiter returns with a basket of bread and butter, also refilling water cups and smiling at you both before leaving quickly. it doesn't go unnoticed that he keeps eyeing yunjin and smiling at her throughout the interaction.

"what about you?" yunjin starts with a slice of bread in her mouth.

"oh me, no not dating anymore, of course not." you let the words tumble out of your mouth, forgetting how you are trying to keep your walls up around yunjin.

"what do you mean by 'of course not'?" she questions as she spreads more butter onto her baguette.

you also grab a slice of bread and start smearing it with butter, thinking of ways to exit this topic as smoothly as possible, "just you know...not there."

she nods and you can see that she wants to prod more into why, but the waiter shows up with both your dishes in hand.

"for you madam," he places her beef bourguignon in front of her. meanwhile placing your seafood pasta in front of you. "and for you."

"shit..." you mumble as you stare at your dish, yunjin sighs but lets out an amused smile at the sight.

"of course you managed to order a seafood dish because you didn't understand french." she laughs at you, and all you can do is feel even more embarrassed from how this trip is going. "let's switch."

yunjin trades plates with you, your heart warms when she remembers your seafood allergy. you thank her sheepishly and begin digging into your dish. "jen! this is delicious!" you exclaim with a piece of beef in your mouth.

she smiles at you warmly and takes a quick photo of you, making your cheeks warm at the sentiment, remembering her habit of taking photos of you when she found you cute.

the waiter returns this time, but you look at him confused because you haven't ordered anything else.

"hello madam," he starts while leaning on the booth by yunjin's side, showing off his pearly white smile and trying to be suave, "how are you enjoying paris?"

"it's lovely here, thank you for asking." yunjin starts, you can only watch as the two engage in conversation, making you more and more quiet as time passes.

they speak about parisian culture and even share a few phrases in french that you definitely could not understand. you end up only focusing on your dish until he leaves much later. yunjin looks back at you and is confused by the switch in your demeanor.

yunjin goes quiet at the sight of you so down, so she also begins quietly eating her (your) seafood pasta, and as the time dwindles to the end. the waiter returns with the bill and a napkin that he slips to yunjin, it doesn't take a genius to understand what he gave her.

you huff angrily as you pay for the dinner. and yunjin follows you out of the restaurant and disposes of the napkin in front of you. she turns to you with her hand open and waiting for yours. you take it as you both stroll down the streets of paris with full bellies and a noticeably happier mood.

-- day 2

yunjin has managed to convince you (you really don't know how) to go and get caricatures of the both of you for "memories". you groaned at the idea, but there you sat in the small ratty chair in front of the french artist, and waited for this quick drawing. after a few quick minutes, the artist hands you the drawing, showcasing a funny imagery of yunjin stomping your head to the ground as your relationship.

"hey! you can't draw that!" you exclaim as you go over the painting, you can't lie though, the guy was talented.

yunjin just laughs and drops euros into his hand before dragging you away from the chairs. "don't take it too seriously, it's just a drawing." she takes the drawing from your hands before stuffing it into her purse and folding her arms with yours.

"so, what should we do today?" she says to steer you away from thinking about the drawing.

"well actually, i had an itinerary ready for this trip," fishing your phone out of your pocket, you begin listing places that you wanted to take yunjin to. "the louvre?"

she stops her feets and her jaw drops and you can see her happiness just overflowing.

"yes yes yes! you know me too well, lifelong dream to see the mona lisa." she says and you smile, remembering that's why you put it on your itinerary, and soon you're flagging down a cab to head to the louvre.

god, you're never getting over her at this point. you try not to dwell on that thought and instead let things come as they are.

--

she's busy capturing photos of the mona lisa and other pieces, while you are capturing memories of her in your mind. taking slow steps behind her as she reads through the description of each piece that intrigues her.

she's gorgeous in her dark green leather coat, red hair flowing down her back with her trusty film camera looped around her wrist. she looks like she belongs in an art museum and you're left wondering if you can ask the art curators to put a picture of her as a piece.

once you reach the end of the museum, you begin to realize there really hasn't been any piece that has intrigued you to look at, even when yunjin was admiring the mona lisa, all you could focus on were her gorgeous eyes.

that day, you hope that you can always make her happy, even if she no longer is yours.

--

"of course we have to go to see the eiffel tower, i don't care that it's cheesy and cliche, we HAVE to go." she explains to you as she's touching up her makeup again. the two of you returned to the hotel after a long day of exploring local attractions, but now yunjin is explaining that you two definitely need to go despite how tired you are.

while she goes on and on about the importance of a paris trip including eiffel tower pictures, you try to keep your eyes open. the warmth of the jacket that you still have on, swallowing you.

"okay okay, we should go." you get up and start rubbing at your eyes, even letting out loud yawns as you put on your shoes. yunjin finally takes a look at you and starts to feel bad for pushing you to do so much today.

"you look tired, we can go another time?" she starts, feeling embarrassed.

you grab a hold of the wall as you tuck the back of the shoe over your sock, "not at all, let's go!"

you look tired, eyes lower than usual. with a stretch and a neck crack, you look more energized and ready to take on the night.

"let's go!" you exclaim, opening your palm for her to hold onto. she can only smile and think about how sweet it is that you are trying to do activities that she wants to do.

"okay, let's go." she responds, your hand wraps around hers tightly as you both get out of the car and walk through the crowd to get closer to the eiffel tower.

while yunjin stares at the little lights adorning the eiffel tower, sparkling like the stars in the sky, you try and take discreet photos of her. thinking about how you are basically in an alternate universe that exists only you and yunjin, and soon reality will return with you alone and single. these photos will remain to remind you that this trip wasn't a dream, what little you have to cling onto.

she's enjoying the night breeze and the liveliness of the people around her, but you're focused on her. she's also capturing photos of the eiffel tower but taking time to snap photos of the people around her. until her camera lands on you, snapping a photo of you, taking a photo of her.

then you both move away from your cameras and look at each other, and time feels like it stops when you both just admire each other. her eyes become glossy and tears are flowing down her cheek.

you make a quick dash to hug her, holding her tightly. you feel her lay her head on your shoulder and you can feel her body wrack into yours, with quiet sobs and she wraps around you like she'll lose you too.

it feels like the world is crashing around you two, with her grabbing onto your jacket and pinching it so hard. you start rubbing her hair in the motion that you know will bring her comfort, as it has done many times before.

you must've been there for a long time, because people are looking at you two in sympathy, a traveling florist even hands you a free rose to cheer you up. you immediately slip the rose into her pocket. and she stops hugging onto you to see the rose in her breast pocket. she smiles a little, and with a shaky voice, "let's go back to the hotel please."

you nod and hold her hand as you two take the long way back. her hand is still very much holding onto yours tightly. and by the time that you two are back in the room, she drops onto the bed and taps the be urging you to join.

you slip off your shoes and jacket and settle on the bed, facing yunjin. she twirls the rose between her fingers and finally looks at you.

"do you know why i broke up with you?" she whispers, and your body has frozen up, yunjin kept the break up very simple. a single 'let's break up.' over coffee and then she left.

"i don't." you whisper back.

"do you want to know?" she whispers back.

"yes, i really do." you sit up and watch her thinking for a while.

"i broke up with you because i didn't feel like you loved me anymore. whenever we hung out it never felt like you cared anymore, you were even inconsiderate at times and i think, no, i believed that you fell out of love with me."

you nod, but each word cracks your heart a little more, thinking about how wrong each word feels. it simply wasn't true, you never stopped loving her and the guilt of making her feel this way makes you want to vomit.

"this whole trip, i feel like i saw the old you again, the you that fell in love with me and showered me with attention." she continues her monologue and breathes harder at the emotions that were being kept at bay. "earlier, when you were taking photos of me and i caught you, it was exactly like our first date, it hurt so bad..." and by now she's sobbing and you're sobbing and it's all just a big mess.

"it hurts so bad that now i know you never fell out of love with me. that i made a mistake by breaking up with you and we've been months apart when we could've had this happy anniversary together." she continues with tears in her eyes and she's holding you close. alternating between crying and talking.

you take in the words openly, understanding the position that you've put her in and how hurt she was by your lack of attention. you can't even deny it either, those last weeks before the breakup felt like a rift between the two of you, neither knowing how to go forward. with yunjin making the final and unfortunate decision of dumping you.

"jen, you mean everything to me, and i'm so beyond sorry if it feels as if i never prioritized you." you are also trembling in her hold as she listens to you, nodding to your words every so often. "i never and mean never fell out of love with you. i'm sorry that it took a vacation to figure this out too."

she stops completely and holds your face in her hands as she completely dives herself into a passionate kiss. searing her lips against yours and pushing you into the bed more.

"you're mine." yunjin speaks in between kisses.

"yours." you move your hands into her hair and pull her close, bodies molding into one as the night goes on.

-- day 3

three quick knocks disturb you from your sleep, you rub your eyes and open them to the harsh rays of the windows.

"cleaning service!" you could hear outside the room, and you examine yourself. naked as ever and clothes all sprawled around, yunjin dead asleep on the other side of the bed.

"shit!" you run to the closet and grab a bathrobe and quickly tie it around yourself as you rush to the door. finally giving one glance at the bird's nest of hair, you pat down the hair as much as you can before opening the door slightly.

"hi! um, we don't need cleaning right now, maybe later?" you ask worriedly, the lady eyes your bathrobe and your hair and gives a smirk before walking away to the next room. you cringe at the idea that she knows exactly what you have been up to and close the door quickly.

"phew." you are relieved that they didn't walk into you and yunjin butt naked for cleaning service. meanwhile, yunjin has approached you from behind and wrapped her arms around you.

"hi, come back to bed." she pulls at your robe and pulls you towards her.

"oh okay..."you're confused but let her pull you back to bed. cuddling with her feels nice and reminds you of the days you spent lounging in each other's place.

--

"jen! i cannot believe you!" you stand on the far end away from her, backing yourself into a corner.

"what? i didn't do anything wrong." she stalks towards you with a devious smile as she watches you examine yourself in the mirror.

"you mauled my neck!" you exclaim as you claw at your neck looking left and right at the damage she's done. yunjin rather looks proud of her handiwork and instead pulls you onto her lap.

"okay no need to be a big baby about it, let me touch it up." she pulls out her concealer and starts going to town on the many hickeys she's left littered across your neck.

you huff and complain while yunjin lets you drone on while applying concealer until you're satisfied. she doesn't mention the new marks she's dug into your back, quite happy that only she can see them.

--

you both set out for a much chiller day outside, leisurely walking in parks and chatting while enjoying the parisian weather. you reach a quiet spot in the park, pulling out a blanket and your picnic basket.

yunjin doesn't comment on the humongous scarf that you have wrapped around your neck, but it does make her laugh a bit to see it.

you two are enjoying the nice breeze, when you hear smacking sounds nearby. looking around, you don't spot anything unusual until you notice a couple practically eating each other's mouths off. a closer look and you realize you recognize the two as the couple from the plane into paris.

you immediately turn your head to yunjin, "pss, the couple from the plane is at my six."

she quickly whips her head around and lo and behold the couple is still loudly eating each other's faces off. she laughs at the sight before capturing your lips with hers. "we should beat them."

"jen noooooo." you groan and turn away from her, uninterested at the idea of attracting their attention. she simply laughs and continues to enjoy the picnic. the rest of the trip goes well, often sharing little tidbits of your lives in the past couple months without each other.

after enjoying your "anniversary" trip in paris, you both get ready to go home. holding hands and kissing through the cab ride, plane ride and even through baggage claim.

you spot your sister out front of the pick-up terminal with a big sign "welcome back lovers!" you groan at the sign, of course she would show up with a poster plastering you and yunjin's photos to pick you up.

"she knows we're back together?" yunjin comments in confusion.

"i didn't even tell her, she just kept saying she knew we would get back together when the trip was over." you hold yunjin's luggage as your sister tackles yunjin into a hug, spilling about how much she missed her.

"i'm here too you know...your actual sister." your sister simply swats you away and enthusiastically asks about your trip to yunjin.

you drive off with yunjin's hand in yours and a warm smile as yunjin talks about the trip to your sister.

--

a/n: i apologize if there's any inaccuracies about paris, i've never been 😭 this post was inspired by a fic i read a longggg time ago. stay safe and stay healthy everyone!

[sleepyomi]

physical touch with hq!! boys

a/n: y’all really blew me away with the response to the acts of service post and so here is the next part! it took a second to come out because I’ve been struggling with a head injury but it’s up now! I hope y’all enjoy!

love language masterlist | acts of service | quality time |

atsumu —

constantly keeps a hand on your waist if you walking together or holds you hand if he’s carrying anything. big fan of low key PDA: holding hands, quick kisses on your cheek, keeping a hand on your waist/lower back. he loves the little touches. when alone he likes to hold you close, have your head on his chest, pressing kisses to your hair. typically only touchy if you’re walking someplace together or at home, but if you initiate he will keep his hand in yours the whole time.

matsukawa —

holds you close anytime he can. likes when you sit on his lap. will take ANY excuse to have you in his lap or to carry you. stub your toe? up you go. this man is hands and shameless. he takes pride in the fact that he can tend to your needs, and likes showing that off by holding you. isn’t super big about it in public spaces like school or restaurants, but his home screen is a picture of his lifting you up in victory after an early volleyball tournament third year.

kuroo —

likes to hold your hand when you go out to eat together. presses small kisses to your hair, your cheek, your ear whenever his face is close to yours whether it’s standing up from tying his shoe, fixing a strand of your hair, or just sitting together. loves to play with your hair and have you lay on his chest, his body, rest your head upon his shoulder. he revels in the close contact and the fact that you trust him with yourself.

tsukishima —

is very shy which his touch, tries to be as discrete as possible but he is just a tiny wee bit clingy. likes to link pinkies when you walk. share his headphones with you and fall asleep with your heads resting together. loves when you relax into him when your tucked up under his arms. is big on giving you kisses when alone, on your forehead, your lips, your hands if your walking somewhere and there’s no one around. he’s not ashamed of you it’s just that akiteru saw him holding your hand and press a kiss to your knuckles and he yet to live it down.

tendo —

this man is a smitten kitten. a complete whirlwind of a boyfriend. likes to come up out of nowhere and smack one on you when you least expect it. enjoys resting his chin on your shoulder when your working on something and watching as you do it. always keeps a hand on your lower back if getting by you but especially if you’re in a crowded area. have to walk through a crowd? hand is secured. having to stand together on the train because it’s full? hand on your back. really just likes to keep you close and safe, and never make it possible for you to doubt his love.

do not edit, claim, or repost as per @sleepyomi

[snipetooth]

Jonas Taylor - "Do Orcas is Whales? More at 11"

request for anon using one of the face-holding prompts! i ended up leaning more "there's some feelings here but he's in denial HARDCORE" than having an established relationship, so hopefully anon it still works with what you were hoping for :] thank you so much for sending in your prompt, i hope it's worth the wait!! all my works are tagged with "#x reader" for quick filtering btw!

prompt: "[CHECK]: after an unexpectedly violent situation, sender frantically rushes to check if the receiver is okay, cupping their face to look closer." from “Reasons to Cup a Face” by @.soulpromptson for JONAS TAYLOR pairing: jonas taylor x gn!reader words: 1.8k requested: yes!

a/n in advance: look it was either the depth be realistic for mana 1’s location or it be the teeniest realistic for real orca diving depths, we can’t have both 😔🤝

The sound of the monitors whirring to life hummed all around you as you flicked switches to your right without looking away from the wire panel you were scrutinizing. Something somewhere had short-circuited juuust long enough for a couple of buttons’ lights to not activate and you were determined to locate the source and squash the issue.

The metal around you clanged with a rhythmic but hollow tune before pausing long enough for the hatch above to be pried open. “Thought you’d be alongside by now, what with how eager you were to give the Nereus a run. What’s the holdup, Skipper?”

“Don’t start calling me that,” you scoffed as you tugged on what you suspected was the offending wire, “that’s a child’s nickname. And this damn piece of… very expensive hardware decided it wasn’t gonna turn on a couple of lights, so I’m trying to get that fixed before I drop down.”

“It’s literally what the captain of a ship is called,” Jonas wiggled his brows, dropping down into the tiny compartment to crouch alongside you. “Can’t get much more mature or on-theme than that.” He watched you tug fruitlessly on the wire for several moments before you finally dropped it in disgust. “Maybe it was water damage.”

“Pile of junk if it’s meant to go underwater and gets broken by a few drops, don’t you think?” You muttered under your breath as you replaced the panel. A few lights out were annoying, but workable. They weren’t even for anything important, anyway. “And Meiying told me that you call her that, so don’t start using her nickname on me. That’s not something you called a captain, that’s something you called an eight year old. I’m not eight!”

Jonas held up his hands placatingly as you stepped around him to triple check the emergency rebreather and mask box. Or whatever the version of ‘triple check’ that actually means ‘this was looked at three times already by two different people and once more by yourself when you first entered the sub, but what if someone stole everything while you weren’t looking???’ is. “Apologies, didn’t know you heard. And I didn’t mean it t’be demeaning, honest. I more did it to lighten the air since things seemed to be a little… tense, in here.”

You sighed, practically throwing yourself into the pilot’s seat. “I figured. Sorry for snapping at you.”

“Y’wanna talk about what’s got you so wound up?”

You briefly reflected on the day’s events so far. Someone had the grand idea to serve lobster for the station’s dinner last night and you had to spend the early hours of the morning helping various people get over food poisoning. You forgot about your cereal just long enough afterward with how tired you were that it got soggy enough to not be considered edible by anyone with taste. You had to forgo breakfast and in your anger you forgot about the corner edge of the coffee table and stubbed your pinkie toe. Then you proceeded to fall up the stairs. Not down, up. You’re not really sure how that happened. And now those blasted lights were giving you problems.

“...Nah. Thanks though. Gotta get ready for mission launch.” You shooed him out of the sub as you fitted an earpiece. “Mac’s probably throwing a fit upstairs with how long I’ve put it off.”

“Well, that’s Mac’s problem then, isn’t it?” Jonas smirked. “Don’t get yourself killed down there.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” you muttered to yourself as the hatch forebodingly slid shut above you.

“Nereus, all system diagnostics reading clear on our end. You are cleared for launch.”

“Solid copy Mana 1, Nereus launching.”

The dull thud of the sub hitting the water was muffled by the thick metal that surrounded you as you plunged deeper into the ocean. The problematic button lights briefly flickered with life for a few seconds after you entered the water, but they soon died right back out. “Lights are overrated,” you mumbled as you carefully twisted to the side to avoid a rock that came a little too close for comfort. “Mana 1, I’m approaching the sea floor. Want me to look for anything specific while I’m here?”

The earpiece crackled to life. “Negative Nereus, just swim around for about an hour and then come back up. That’s all her maiden voyage needs; besides, I doubt you’d find much of interest when you’re not in the trench.”

“Copy.” You pulled a ways higher above the bottom of the ocean and glided along. The new sub was a breeze to pilot, very unlike the clunky but beloved Capt Bubbles. It moved effortlessly through the water and the new cameras and sonars gave you a perfect view of what was around you. Various shoals of tang, some rockfish, oh a silky shark that’s nice, a pod of orcas….

Wait. Orcas?

You were violently thrown to the side with a scream of terror as the sub flipped nearly upside down. There wasn’t even a chance to right it properly before you got hit again from the opposite side, alarms blaring around you with various screens warning of damages to the outer hull.

“Nereus! Nereus, do you copy? What’s going on down there?!” Mac yelled through your earpiece as you struggled to take back control of your sub. “I think the orcas are pissed I’m in their territory!” You yelled back as you shot out of the tight circle the pod was forcing you in. “Crazy bastards just started ramming me out of nowhere, what gives?!”

A new voice joined the line. “If you can get an I.D. on them with the cam system we might be able to confirm the pod that’s been targeting local fishermen,” Jonas instructed. You almost sighed aloud with relief; his voice was one of the few things that could ground you quickly in a high-stress situation. “Doesn’t exactly surprise me that they decided to give you similar treatment, but that means you’ll need to hightail it out of there, you hear me?”

“What exactly is ‘similar-’ fuck!” You winced as two monitors suddenly cut to static at the same time as a heavy blow from underneath your tail. One of the orcas just took out your camera. “Yeah, no, fuck this, Mana 1 get ready to pick me up. I am NOT exiting this thing while it floats on the surface if they’re within fifty miles of me!”

“Jonas is on his way to provide cover, in the meantime drop flares and come straight up,” Mac ordered. “That’s your best bet right now.”

“Dropping flares!” You slammed a series of buttons in one go with your fist as you yanked down on a lever.

The water around you remained illuminated by your headlights only.

That. Fucking. Wire.

“Mana 1, flares didn’t drop, I’m a sitting duck out here!” You quickly scrambled out of the pilot’s seat to check the diagnostics panel. Flares, predator red beams, and ground stabilization gear were all out of commission, and none of the computer’s proposed solutions could be implemented while you were roughly 3,000 feet under the water and alone. The sub flipped again and you were thrown into the wall and onto the ceiling, groaning aloud with both pain and motion sickness.

“Nereus, I’m on my way. Less than a minute out to your position. Hold on for me.” 

You were pretty sure that Jonas’s voice wasn’t supposed to sound as tinny and distant as it did.

Another vicious shake and a new set of alarms snapped you out of your stupor just in time to see an orca swimming past the front with a chunk of metal cutting up its mouth. “DANGER: HULL BREACH IMMINENT. IMPLOSION IMMINENT. SURFACE IMMEDIATELY.”

“Jonas, I don’t have a minute!” You cried, desperately mashing buttons at random in hopes that something, anything would finally work and get the pod off your back. “They’re doing too much damage, I’m gonna die to some fucking orcas with a vendetta against mankind!”

“Not on my fucking watch, you hear me?” Jonas snapped over the radio as if you weren’t currently experiencing life as a sad little shirt being tumbled violently in the world’s angriest washing machine. “We’re gettin’ you out of there, and if we take out a whale or two on the way then that’s fine by me.”

“Are orcas whales? Or are they dolphins?” You wondered aloud blithely. If you were going to go out with a bang, might as well consider one of life’s hardest questions!

A yelp escaped your mouth unbidden as the Nereus suddenly jerked again, this time from a force not belonging to the orcas as you shot upward through the ocean. Through the viewfinder, you could see the pod struggling to keep pace before eventually giving up and being swallowed by the inky darkness of the abyss. “All dolphins are whales, not all whales are dolphins. They’re whales. That answer your question?”

You sagged with relief in your chair, rubbing your temples in a vain attempt to soothe the glaring migraine you got from being thrown into metal so many times while alarms and flashing lights echoed all around you. “I guess, but it’s not as much fun as arguing loudly over a mess hall table just shouting ‘Dolphins! Whales! Dolphins! Whales!’ back and forth to each other.”

Jonas didn’t respond, only chuckled over the intercom as the light outside the sub rapidly grew stronger. Within no time at all you were being hoisted back into the safety of Mana 1 and pulled a bit unceremoniously out of the sub. From what little you could see as you were more or less dragged away against your will, you were just a couple of extra tears away from implosion.

Jesus. At least it would’ve been so quick you wouldn’t notice you died.

“There you are!”

You turned around to see Jonas sprinting toward you. Before you knew it, he had you swept up in his arms and pulled away from the small crowd that had gathered mostly out of nosiness rather than genuine ability to assist. His roughened hands clasped securely onto your face, his fingers pushing stray bits of hair back as he peered worryingly into your eyes. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Y’ve got a bit of a gash on your forehead, we should really get that checked out… any nausea, headaches, strains, pain from possible broken bones? Let me take a closer look at that… ooh, yeah, that might need stitches. Are you bleeding anywhere else?””

You blinked very fishily at him, barely able to move your lips with how he was holding your face, let alone really respond meaningfully. “Jhon’th’s,” you managed to get out. That was enough to snap him back to reality and back away a couple of quick steps, hiding his reddening face behind a cough into his elbow and a hasty glance out to the ocean. “Sorry,” he muttered, refusing to make eye contact as he gestured for you to follow him, “didn’t, uh, didn’t mean to… do that. Let’s get you to Dr. Heller, yeah? Yeah. Right. Can’t, uh, let you bleed out or… somethin’. Let’s go!”

If the sight of his bright ears as he strode ahead of you put an extra bounce in your step, he either didn’t notice or couldn’t bring himself to mention it.

[apple-and-berry]

People criticising Charles Leclerc for not having a good qualifying and comparing his performance to someone else's, I pray you stub your little pinky toe multiple times.

People criticising Carlos Sainz for a front row qualifying and wishing bad luck on him and accusing him for allegedly sabotaging his teammate's car, I hope you step on legos.

You guys are the absolute WORST.

[yourdaddyfigure]

Whoever is going through my blog and reporting all my stuff I hope you stub your pinky toe today 😒

[definitelynotalpharius]

If I see anyone else posting their dogshit custodes takes, I'm gonna lose my shit. Cooties ain't real, no one normal cares, women in the 10,000 doesn't change jack shit for the setting.

This is the same shit we went through with the non-binary Orks, but somehow even dumber.

I hope the lot of you stub your pinky-toes each morning.

[buckyalpine]

Whoever made these community labels, respectfully, suck the dick I don’t have.

 Same goes to the jackass who thought making Tumblr kid friendly would be a good idea. Explain why you thought this platform, a place where people happily scroll through porn gifs in the middle of taking uni notes during lectures, WOULD BE A GOOD PLACE FOR KIDS. 

Also the update sucks ass, why tf would you add tumblrmart in the place of the home icon. 

I hope your pillow is hot. I hope someone tweezes your nose hair one at a time. I hope you stub your pinky toe and then right after you drop your keys as you try to unlock the house door and then your jean belt loop gets caught to the door when you have to go the bathroom really badly. 

Anyways. I should be doing work rn. 

[cuntess-carmilla]

And you know, that "UwU It's Unfeminist To Say Men As A Class Hold ANY Power Because Gender Essentialism UwU" shit is a significant part of what drives a lot of women who otherwise pretend to be feminist and care about victims even if they're imperfect to side with men like D*pp. It's them playing up to the respectability politics of "SEE? I do think some men are abused and that women can be abusive too!!!!!! I'm not biased like a dumb feminist, I'm a good feminist!!!!!"

And to that I just want to say you're all so fucking dumb and while I do hope you stub your pinky toe every single day of your lives at least once, I do not hope it ever comes back to bite you in the ass in real life. I do hope though that you'll at least keep this energy when it's bisexual men being abused by straight women, or disabled men being abused by abled women, or trans men being abused by cis women, or moc being abused by white women, etc etc. Instead of, you know, defaulting to suddenly defending a middle aged powerful cishet abled white man with immense wealth and a history of domestic violence and dating women ridiculously younger than him including the minor he very publicly groomed at the very start of his career in front of every-fucking-one to no one's upset.

[tomjamesavery]

Not an easy feet Written for @hinnymicrofic, January prompt 17: Feet “Bollocks, bickering, bints“ Ginny turned towards the curses coming from their living room, unable to contain her giggles “Is… Is everything okay Harry?” she hoped he wouldn’t hear the obvious laughter through her question. “Nothing is okay, I stubbed my god-forsaken toe again.” She watched him as he dramatically limped into the kitchen, and she still couldn’t contain her smirk. “Don’t say anything.” Harry looked positively livid as he leaned onto the doorway now clutching his left foot in his hands.

Ginny still looked amused “You know I…” “Yes, Yes I do know! But not now please Gin.” Harry grunted, his eyes clearly checking over his still-raised foot. Ginny only shook her head in amusement. “Which one was it this time?” And on which piece of furniture do I have to install the cushioning now?” Harry’s back slowly slid down the doorway as he sat down on his bum, “The pinkie one...” “...Again.” Ginny finished for him, amusement still edged onto her face, as Harry continued without even looking up. “…And it was the blasted old coffee table again, the one that Aunt Muriel gave us for our wedding.” His head fell back against the doorway, his eyes closed while he still clutched his left foot in his hands “I told you to throw it out about nine times already, I knew you would stub your toes on it. And that’s not even regarding  the fact that it is positively hideous!” Harry only let out a long sigh, as he turned towards Ginny, and their eyes met. “Yes I know, and you’re right, but I just couldn’t throw it away when it was a gift.” Ginny’s gaze softened and she stepped towards him plopping herself down next to him, and his head instinctively fell onto her chest “I know it’s not easy for you to get rid of gifts, you told me about those tossers of your aunt and uncle who never gave you anything…”  “…but you don’t have to feel bad, I am certain Aunt Muriel just wanted to get rid of it, and used the opportunity to pass it onto us.” She slowly ran her fingers through his hair and Harry let out another sigh “You know me so well Gin, you always do.” Ginny smiled as she kept massaging his scalp tenderly. “Yes, I do, Harry.”

[gojoidyll]

drunk | pierro x male!reader

warnings | strong language

"FUCK ALL OF YOU!"

Y/n slurred his words as he clung to the doorframe of the front entrance of the bar. His fatui uniform was unbuttoned and he had long lost his shoes when he and his fellow comrades were bar hopping.

He currently had a half emptied bottle of the strongest alcohol in all of Snezhnaya in one hand while his other, as mentioned previously, was clinging to the already loose frame.

His comrades merely laughed at his outburst though.

Fuck them all? Please, he was just angry over what they were saying. He'll forget by the morning.

"Come on, you know we were joking Y/n! Come back and knock back a few more drinks with us!"

"No! Go stub your pinky toes on coffee tables!"

Y/n turned then as he let go of the door frame and stumbled his way through the door. His hands now hugging the bottle closely to himself.

"Ah, shit. We better go after him-"

Though his comrades were effectively cut off by the introductions of more glasses of alcohol and pretty ladies serving them.

A drunken Y/n stumbling along the sidewalks at the dead of night in the snow was long forgotten about.

"Those complete assholes," y/n muttered. His vision was blurred, his mind wasn't working right, and he was offly drunk. Anything could go wrong in this situation. He could pass out and die in the snow. He could get robbed and possibly killed. He could-

"What. Are. You. Doing. L/n."

Sniffling, y/n blearily looked up. His eyes scanning the face of his superior officer, Pierro. Also known as the Jester, the first of the fatui harbingers.

"Walking," he said with a hiccup.

Pierro scanned over the bottle he clung to and gritted his teeth. He had no time to deal with idiocy, but he also didn't need to lose on of his best soldiers to a drunken stupor.

"Follow me."

Y/n didn't need to be told twice despite being drunk. Then again, many people told him that he was always compliant with a bottle in hand.

.

.

.

"Where are we," he muttered. His eyes gazing around a rather warm room. A fire was lit. And candles illuminated the darkness. Y/n could fall asleep in here, if he was being honest.

"My personal quarters," the Jester answered simply.

Speaking of the Jester, he had harshly grabbed Y/n's arm and sat him roughly on the couch while also yanking the bottle out of his hands. Y/n didn't let out any protests as he was still focused on analyzing the room. Pierro was impressed that the soldier before him still had a state of mind to actually look everything over considering the fact that he stunk if booze.

"Now."

Y/n was immediately drawn to Pierro's voice.

"You aren't one for drinking. Care to explain your reckless behavior? Or am I going to have to wait for an explanation till the morning?"

"No .. I can explain," y/n stuttered a bit as he scratched the back of his head, "one of my friends had a promotion yesterday, so we decided to celebrate tonight. I'm not one for drinking, but .. as the night went on and the conversations got too personal and angering, well, I didn't want to think anymore."

He tried to summarize the events as best as possible while slightly hoping Pierro wouldn't pry anymore.

Pierro, on the other hand, pried some more.

"The topics you didn't want to think about. What were they?"

Y/n sighed as he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as his eyes focused on the floor.

"My friends are so mean," he slurred, "they know I like you, but they keep telling me I have no chance and that the Tsaritsa is the only one you think about," he hiccups a bit and continued, "not to mention I'm a man. If only I was a girl. A pretty one. Maybe you would look at me then."

Y/n fell back into the couch, his eyes drooping a little as he yawned.

"But .. I know where my place is. Its on the battlefield. With a weapon in hand. There's no time to think about life as a girl and how it would be being by your side," he muttered as he fell gently onto his side. The cushions encasing him in warmth as he began to set himself into a deep sleep.

"But at least .. I can fight with you .. every so often," y/n said trailing off. His breath evening out as sleep took over.

Pierro, on the other hand, watched y/n for a moment before getting up and walking over to him. His hand lightly pressing against Y/n's forehead and pushing his hair out of his face.

"I truly do hate it when you're drunk."

[witheredoffherwitch]

My all-time favourite Aemond fanfiction, "Ashes to Ashes" by threads_of_fate, has disappeared from Ao3 😞😩😭

If any of you trolls were responsible for driving the author away, I hope you stub your pinky toe every single day for the rest of your life and that a pigeon poops on your head whenever you're having a good hair day. May your New Year's Day be spent on the toilet with uncontrollable diarrhoea, and may your taste buds be cursed with eternal blandness. Happy 2024! And a big middle finger to all of you!