#I inch ever closer to her Alexander books but that’s for another year I think

[finelythreadedsky]

summer of mary renault… part 2

[lovemesomesurveys]

Ready to answer 151 Questions? 1. When was the last time you swam in a pool? Like 6/7 years ago. 2. Do you like to party? My idea of a party is a small get together with friends just chillin’ with food and music. Maybe play some boardgames. Just super laid back. Crazy party scenes with a shitload of people I don’t even know is not my thing at all. That all being said, I haven’t been to a party in like 3 years. 3. If your ex suddenly kissed you right now, what would you do? I can’t even imagine a scenario where that would happen now. We haven’t talked or seen each other in almost 5 years. For that to happen, that would mean we were talking and hanging out again and yeah, don’t see that happening. Plus, SO much has changed for the both of us. Our ship sailed a longggg time ago. 4. Are you a virgin? Yes. 5. What are your parents views on your relationships? Ty and I never dated, but my parents really liked him. My mom definitely thought something was going on and she was rooting for us, ha. 

6. If you ran into your current boyfriend/crush in 10 years, would you marry them? I don’t have a boyfriend or a crush right now. But also, I wouldn’t just marry someone I bumped into 10 years later. Like, a LOT would have changed in that amount of time. Just because I dated or was interested in someone doesn’t mean things would be the same seeing each other that many years later. Would the feelings come back? Would we still vibe? What are we doing in our life at that time? Are we both single? 7. Is your best friend dating anyone?  My mom has been with my dad for over 30 years. 8. Describe the shirt you’re wearing? It’s a tie-shirt with pastel colors.  9. Do people who wear Hollister and Abrerbrombie every day bother you? I really don’t care. 10. Could you go out in public without wearing make-up? I’ve been doing that for the past few years. To think that there was a time I would have never done that... 11. What is one feature that you don’t like? On me? I mean, everything, but my smile/teeth for one. 12. Would people describe you as happy? No. 13. Are you single? Yep. 14. Does it bother you that pretty much every survey you take asks if you’re single? Yes or questions about relationships. 15. Do you have Tumblr? Duhhh.

16. What about Xanga? Aww, RIP Xanga.  17. Have you ever babysat before? Yeah, my younger brother and a couple of my cousins when they were kids.  18. Is there a teacher who you absolutely hate?  I had two awful math professors in community college. Like, they were horrible. 19. Ever shopped at Sephora? Yeah. 20. If your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away, what would you do?  21. Do you have any university plans? I graduated with my BA five years ago. I’m not going any further. 22. If your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do? I mean, it would definitely come as a huge shock if my mom came out now. Of course it wouldn’t change anything between us, but things would be different for awhile. Like, it would take time to get used to a new normal, one where she’s not with my dad who she’s been with for over 30 years and one where she’s with a woman.  23. What are your views on sex? Be safe. If you’re an adult and it’s consensual then I don’t see an issue. 24. Do sexual questions bother you?  No. I just don’t have much to say on the matter. 25. Would you rather have sex with your boyfriend or break up? Wth. 26. Have you ever dreamed about your wedding?  Nope. 27. Does it bother you when people TYpe 1yk dis’?  Omg. I’m so glad I don’t see that anymore. That seemed to die when Myspace did. 28. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook? There’s still photos of Joseph and I. *shrug* 29. Would you ever date a friends Ex? No. 30. What’s the last book you read?  The Girl and the Hunt by AJ Rivers. 31. Ready for 10 simple questions? Sure. 32. What is your last name?  Stephanie. 33. What grade are you in? I graduated college 5 years ago, I’m done. 34. What school do you go to? 35. Summer, Fall, Winter or Spring? Fall and winter. 36. Favorite Color? Pastels, rose gold, yellow, coral, mint green. 37. Are your parents together? Yes. 38. Any siblings?  I have two brothers. 39. Favorite subject?  Psychology.

40. Least favorite subject?  Math. 41. Favorite song? I could never just choose one. 42. Okay. Simple questions are over. Happy?  I don’t care. 43. How many friends do you have on Facebook?  150ish. 44. Ever been requested by some old guy from another country? They weren’t old, but yeah I’ve had several requests from men from other countries.  45. Have you ever googled yourself? Yeah. 46. Have a Formspring? I used to. I suppose it still exists out there since I never deleted it. I haven’t been on there in several years, though. 47. You’re offered free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. What do you do? Probably decline the offer. I actually do like both his current and previous album, but I don’t know if I’d want to go to his concert. *shrug* I also don’t know anyone who would go with me and I wouldn’t go alone. 48. Would you rather spend the day at an amusement park or a water park? Amusement park. I don’t do water slides and whatnot.  49. Been to Disney world?  Nope, but I’d love to go. I’ve been to Disneyland several times, though. 50. If someone posts their status “9 Inches :(” do you know what they mean? Sounds like one of those things where people post a random status from a list of things that will likely get people’s attention and whoever comments on it is privately sent said list of thing and they then choose something to post as their status and so on. That was a popular game thing on Facebook years ago. 51. Ever had a boyfriend?  Yes.

52. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know? I’ve had crushes on guys who never knew, but the really serious ones (there were 5) all knew. 53. Have you done something in the last week that you regret?  Yes. 54. Ever drank alcohol?  Yeah. I drank in my early 20s until I was 24. 55. Know anyone who’s currently doing drugs? Yeah. 56. Ever watched The Hills?  Yeah, the OG one and the reboot that came out last year. 57. What about Jersey Shore? No, I never got into that one. 58. Ever called someone a slut?  I’ve said that jokingly to friends. 59. What do you think of short shorts? I don’t wear them. Or any length of shorts.  60. Does it bother you if people swear around you? No. I think it’s funny because my dad is still weird about cussing in front of me and so is our family friend. She always apologizes to me if she does it.  61. Have you ever gotten an A in a subject? I mostly got A’s and B’s throughout school with some C’s because of stupid math. 62. What about a B?  ^^^ 63. And a C? ^^^ 64. How about a D? No. 65. Ever skived? What’s that? 66. Would you consider yourself popular and outcast or somewhere in the middle? I’d say I was the outcast. I mean, I had some friends, but I really just didn’t stand out or fit in.  67. Are most of your friends older or younger than you? My friends were my age or a year younger. Ty was the only one who was older than me (just by a year). 68. Ever been stabbed in the back by a close friend? Yes. 69. Do you think it’s immature when people laugh at the number 69? I have my immature moments, too. That one doesn’t do it for me, though.  70. Ever watched porn? I’ve seen it, but it wasn’t for my viewing pleasure or anything. I just personally don’t get the appeal. 71. How many laws do you think you’ve broken in the past month?  I don’t think I’ve broken any. I don’t do anything or go anywhere, ha. 72. Do you wake up with an alarm clock? Yeah. I’d sleep later than 3PM if I didn’t and I don’t know, for some reason I don’t want to. Not like I have anything better to do, but *shrug* 73. Do you prefer Wednesdays or Thursdays? Makes no difference to me. 74. If your school had a Glee Club would you join?  No. I can’t sing. I’m surprised I did choir for a few years in elementary school. 75. Ever performed in a talent show? My 2nd grade class did. We did “This Little Light of Mine” with a few very simple hand movements that went along with it. 76. Have you ever cried in public? Yeah. For the most part it’s only been at funerals and doctor appointments, but there have been a few other times in public where I felt the tears coming and tried to fight them back, but they started coming out anyway. I’m definitely someone who doesn’t like to cry in front of other people, so when it happens then you know it’s bad. 77. Do you have a favorite between your Mom and your Dad? I love both of my parents, but my mom and I have a closer relationship. She’s my best friend. I truly don’t know what I’d do without her. 78. Would you audition for a reality talent competition? Nooo. I have zero talent. 79. How many celebrity crushes have you had?  A lot. 80. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had?  A lot. 81. Name 5 male celebrities who you think are attractive. Alexander Skarsgard, Henry Cavill, Chris Evans, Matt Bomer, and Chris Pratt.  82. Name 5 female celebrities who you think are attractive. Margot Robbie, Jennifer Lopez, Ariana Grande, Hailey Baldwin, and Natalie Portman.  83. Ever been compared to a celebrity?  Ha, no. 84. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook? If someone uploads a photo of me that I don’t approve of it gets deleted asap. 85. Do you think spending £20 on Lip Gloss is a waste of money?  That’s too much to me.  86. Are you opinionated?  I do have my opinions I feel strongly about, but I also consider myself to be openminded. I’m open to hearing different sides of things. I want to. And it’s certainly possible for my opinion to change.  87. Do you have a favorite store? BoxLunch, Hot Topic, Kohl’s, Target, and Bath & Body Works. 88. Would you ever wear Flare Jeans? No. 89. Do you own jeans that aren’t skinny? Nope. 90. Have you ever worn the same outfit twice in one week?  Yeah. *gasp* Call the fashion police! 91. What’s the longest period of time you’ve been away from school?  Well, I graduated college 5 years ago if that counts. But if you mean like while I was still going to school, then a few months. I had to miss school 3 times for a few months because I had to have surgery. One of the times was when I was supposed to start UC, but ended up having to start the following semester instead. 92. Do you google abbreviations you don’t understand? Yeah. 93. Does it bother you when people have cats as their profile picture? I don’t care? 94. Own a pair of converse?  Yes. 95. Is there a teacher at your school who has obvious favorites? 96. If yes, are you one of them?  97. Do you text in class?  I never did that. I was a goody-goody lol.  98. What brand of jeans do you wear the most? I haven’t worn jeans at all in like 3 years, ha, but anyway most of my jeans are the Arizona brand from JCP. They’re the perfect fit for me and they’re reasonably priced. 99. At what point do you think sizes are “Plus Sized?” According to Google, it starts at size 16. 100. Do you want to lose weight?  Nooo. I’m too underweight as it is. I need to gain weight. 101. Ever seen a therapist?  No, but I should. 102. Ever watched porn?  Yeah, I’ve seen some of it. I didn’t watch out of enjoyment, though. I don’t get the appeal, personally. 103. Ever purposely ignored a text?  Yes. 104. A facebook message?  Yes. 105. A poke? I always ignored those. That was a dumb feature Facebook had. 106. A friend request?  Yeah. I don’t accept a request from anyone I don’t know. 107. Would you say you read into things too much?  Yepppp.  108. Is your best friend more likely to be the one suggesting something stupid or refusing to do something stupid? Refusing. 109. Do you have a “fun friend?” (A friend who you have tons of fun with but you never really have deep conversations?)  No.  110. Ever been called a bully?  No. 111. Ever purposely hurt yourself?  Yes. 112. Ever gone to church? Yes. I used to go sometimes with both sets of grandparents when I was a kid. They were of different religions, so that began my complicated and non-existent relationship with religion. That changed a few years ago, though, and now I’m a Christian. For over a year I’ve only been listening to the audio version a local church uploaded to their website every Sunday until they started uploading video earlier this year. The past few months they’ve been doing live streams because of the quarantine/lockdown, but they’ll be continuing that going forward for those like me who aren’t able to physically attend. I plan to when I’m able, though. 113. Would you call either of your parents screw ups? Absolutely not! 114. If you turned out exactly like your mom would you be pleased? Yes. 115. What do you want to do with your life? I don’t know. That’s the problem. 

116. Let me guess… You have brown hair? Naturally, yes, but not currently. 117. Already know what you’re being for Halloween? I don’t dress up or do anything for Halloween anymore. The past few years I’ve just stayed home and watched scary movies. I do for the whole month of October, though. 118. Do you still go Trick or Treating? Uh, no. I’m going to be 31 years old this year. 119. Ever liked someone WAY older than you? Celebrities, but not anyone “in real life.” 120. Does it bother you when people have really loud conversations on the bus?  It didn’t really bother me back when I had to take the bus sometimes in college. 121. When you have sunglasses on, do you stare at people?  I don’t wear sunglasses. Also, staring is rude. I’ve had to deal with people staring at me, mostly kids, all my life. Not cool. 122. Ever had a credit card denied? No. 123. What’s the last movie you watched?  Parts of James and the Giant Peach yesterday. 124. Last TV Show?  The Golden Girls. 125. You see your Ex making out with one of your friends. What do you do? I don’t have any friends, but I imagine I wouldn’t like seeing that. 126. Ever been called a whore?  Jokingly. 127. Are you american?  Yes. 128. Ever made yourself throw up? No.  129. Have you ever kissed someone who wasn’t your boyfriend?  Yes. Joseph and I did that for the entire time of whatever it was we had going on.  130. Are you Cute or Gross?  I’m trash. 131. Does it bother you when people say “LOOK HOW MUCH YOU’VE GROWN!”? No one has said that to me in a very long time. I don’t recall being bothered by it, though. 132. Can you say intelligent things around the guy you like?  I don’t like anyone, currently.  133. Ever had the lead in a play?  Nope. Never tried out for a play either. 134. What about a solo in a concert?  Ha, no. I was in choir in elementary school for a few years, but there definitely weren’t any solo parts for me.  135. What kind of a student are you? I did well. 136. Worst subject?  It was always math. 137. Best subject? English. 138. Ever had a crush on a teacher? No. 139. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant?  She had a hysterectomy several years ago. 140. How late do you sleep in?  Until like 230 or 3ish. 141. Do you edit your profile pictures before posting them?  I use a filter.  142. Be 100% honest. Do you have any friends who are uglier than you? I was the ugly friend. 143. Do you believe in love? Well, yeah. It exists. I just feel like I’ll never experience romantic love. I’ve been in love twice, but both times were unrequited. I can’t imagine finding love in return and someone who actually wants to be with me.  144. Would you consider yourself a good student?  Didn’t you ask this? 145. Does it bother you when Surveys ask “Did you like this survey?”  It just seems kinda pointless cause they likely won’t see it.  146. Salty, Sweet, Sour or Spicy?  Salty and sweet. I would have said spicy back in the day, but I can’t eat spicy food anymore. Haven’t been able to for the past few years. D: 147. Are you going into High School this year?  Nooooo. Thank goodness. I did my time and graduated over 10 years ago. 148. What about Junior High? Omg, no. I’m old. 149. What is one thing someone could say to you right now that would make you cry?  Let’s not try and make me cry. It’s almost 7AM, I should be asleep. 150. Where did you find this note? LiveJournal.  151. Last question. How many unread messages are in your phone?  I don’t leave any unread text messages. 

[moonlight-breeze-44]

YES, I was waiting for you to rb the sensory prompts!! Number 25, please!

Hi! First of all, MY GOD, I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. I’m a bit terrible. BUT. I really hope you like this. I...might have ran away with this fic. Your original prompt comes up in like, a paragraph. So this probably isn’t what you wanted, but I hope you like it anyways!

(Again, sorry.)

#25 = calloused palm

~ ~ ~

Let Me In

Read on AO3

Magnus approached the training room with caution. The last thing he wanted to do was spook Alec into getting defensive or, worse, running.

As he approached the room, the telltale thwack of arrows splitting targets filled the air, and Magnus winced. Isabelle had called ahead of time to tell him what was happening. She had sounded tearful on the phone as she admitted that she couldn’t reach him, couldn’t help him. Magnus could hear the guilt lining her voice when she confessed that she couldn’t stop her brother from hurting himself.

It was the same type of guilt that Magnus often felt.

Magnus hesitated in the doorway to the training room, unsure of how to proceed. No matter how many times he found Alexander in the midst of hurting himself, he would never quite know exactly what to say or do to help him.

Magnus rapped lightly on the wall and made a low sound in the back of his throat to announce his presence. Alec whirled around, still clutching his bow, his eyes wide and filled to the brim with an emotion that Magnus couldn’t identify.

“Magnus,” he heaved, breathing hard from the exertion. “What are you doing here?”

“Your sister called me,” Magnus replied, cautiously taking another step inside. “She was worried about you.”

Alec squared his shoulders and set his jaw in a straight line. “She overreacts. I’m fine.”

“Are you?” Magnus raised a challenging eyebrow and swept his hand to indicate the numerous targets littering the walls of the training room, all with at least four arrows jammed into the bull’s-eye.

“Yes,” Alec replied tersely, and Magnus pressed his lips together. Accusations and anger would get him nowhere.

“Alexander,” Magnus began, but Alec cut him off before he could even finish his sentence.

“Mags, seriously, I’m fine,” Alec said. “I just want to finish training, okay? I’ll be home soon for dinner.”

Magnus bit his lip and wondered what to do. Sometimes, when Alec made these visits to the training room without his archer’s gloves, he needed comfort, a gentle touch and a warm hand to remind him that he wasn’t the things his mind claimed him to be. Other times, though, he needed to fight. He needed to let his anger out, and it was up to Magnus to figure out a way for him to do so that didn’t involve pain.

But when Alec shut him out like this, refused to acknowledge his concern, it was difficult to tell which it was.

Magnus watched from a distance as Alec took aim and loosed another arrow, this one hitting a target on the left side of the room dead-center. He was shaking, but Magnus couldn’t tell if that was from anger or exertion. Sweat stained his dark grey t-shirt, and his ebony hair was messy, as though he had run his fingers through it multiple times. Magnus knew he did that when he was upset or overwhelmed.

His husband’s hands were calloused and rough, years’ worth of scars and weapons handling apparent the second they touched his own that first time so many years ago. Magnus had never minded. This was a symbol of who Alec was, a Shadowhunter, a warrior, always willing to defend and serve and protect. Magnus loved running his fingers over the little indentations in Alec’s skin, pointing out scars and asking him to tell the story of them. While most of them were, of course, the result of battle wounds, Alec did have the occasional funny story of Jace being clumsy or himself taking a misstep in training, and Magnus enjoyed hearing them more than Alec would ever know.

It was one day only a few months into their relationship when Magnus noticed the thin, silvery scars. They were tiny, barely there in comparison to the others, but there were far too many of them for Magnus to placate himself with false truths about them being accidental.

He didn’t want to confront Alec about them, at first; he was the last person in the world who would make someone else relive past pain. But when Magnus noticed the little scars multiplying with time, he knew he had to say something. Alec was hurting himself, and Magnus couldn’t just let it happen.

Predictably, when he’d brought it up, Alec had immediately shut down, clenching his hands into fists and taking that stance he always took with his parents: the stance of a soldier - eyes up, feet planted firmly on the ground, hands twisted together behind his back.

Alec had never taken that stance with Magnus before.

With gentle words and reassuring touches, Magnus had managed to get Alec to relax enough to talk about it, and he learned that Alec had been without his archer’s gloves for years. It wasn’t exactly a surprise to him, but it still hurt to hear. He was glad when Alec had reassured him that he was doing better, much better, than before he met Magnus. It kindled some fire inside of Magnus to know that he was part of the reason his Shadowhunter’s relationship with pain was slowly growing into what it should have been in the first place.

After that first time, when Magnus had reassured Alec that he thought no less of him and just wanted to help, things were a bit easier for the couple when the problem next arose. Words flowed easier, and there were significantly fewer barriers between them.

It didn’t mean things were perfect.

Even after years of being married to Alec, Magnus was still figuring out everything there was to know about him. Usually, it was a good thing; it was like opening a familiar book that was suddenly brushed with a few new words for him to experience. It was learning, and Magnus was nothing if not a seeker of knowledge.

But this knowledge, the knowledge of Alec’s habit and the way he controlled his own emotions with pain he didn’t deserve, left Magnus feeling hollow and empty inside.

Magnus stepped closer and placed a hand on Alec’s trembling arm. He tensed under the touch, his back going rigid and his hands tightening on his bow. Up close, Magnus could see the true extent of the damage - Alec’s palms were bruised from clutching his bow too tightly, and the fingers of his left hand were sliced and bloody from the bow string.

Magnus didn’t want to think about how long Alec had to have been at it for it to be this bad.

Alec kept his gaze firmly locked on the targets above him, refusing to meet Magnus’s eyes. Magnus squeezed harder, a bit more firm in his grip, and Alec sagged beneath him. It made tears well up in Magnus’s eyes to know that he had to cause Alec pain, at least a small amount, to get him to stop causing himself pain.

“What happened, darling?” Magnus asked, gentling his grip and stroking up and down Alec’s arm with his free hand.

“Nothing happened,” Alec mumbled.

Magnus made a sound of disbelief and began to rub soothing circles into the back of Alec’s hand, the part that wasn’t cut up and decorated garishly in browns and yellows. Slowly, he inched the bow out of Alec’s hands, relief crashing over him in waves when the other man didn’t protest.

“It’s stupid,” Alec said in a low voice, turning away from Magnus. Magnus caught his arm and pulled him close, not letting him go too far.

“It is not,” he promised. “Nothing that upsets you will ever be stupid, Alexander.”

Alec sighed and didn’t say anything. Magnus waited patiently, drawing little figure-eights on the back of Alec’s hand.

“It’s just…” Alec trailed off, biting his lip. Magnus gave his hand a soft squeeze, encouraging him to continue. “It’s just that, now that Clary has her memories back and everything, I, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know? T-This can’t stay. This, this happiness, this security, this peace, it can’t stay. Something is going to happen, isn’t it? Something always does.”

Alec stared at a blank spot on the wall and pressed his lips together. Magnus could tell that he wanted to say more, so he refrained from uttering the words that burned at the back of his throat.

“I can’t just be content with a life where everything is fine,” Alec said, laughing bitterly. “And I know that sounds like I want things to go wrong, but it’s just, it’s just that everything always has. When I was younger, I was miserable. Then I met you.” He turned to give Magnus a shadow of a smile, and Magnus moved closer to him with a soft brush of his hand. “And things weren’t so bad, then. But everything with Valentine and the Circle, my parents and Jace & Izzy & Clary, it was still happening, and even if I wasn’t miserable anymore, nothing slowed down. Life was still, was still hectic and something was always happening and it never stopped.”

Alec paused to take a breath, and Magnus saw a glassy tint to his eyes that made his heart clench with sympathy. “And now, everything is fine and calm and nothing is happening.” He huffed out a frustrated breath. “I just keep feeling like, if I let my guard down, that’s when the next thing that’s going to go wrong, will.”

“And you want to be able to stop it before it does,” Magnus finished for him. “So your siblings and loved ones can enjoy the slice of a normal life they’ve been given.”

Alec chewed his lip and didn’t answer, but Magnus could tell he had hit it right on the mark.

Magnus sighed and pulled Alec closer to him, stroking a hand through his hair and pressing a light kiss to his temple. “Things are always going to happen that will take you by surprise, Alexander,” Magnus said softly. “I’m centuries old and I’m still surprised by something every day. It’s a fact of life. It’s unavoidable.”

“I know,” Alec mumbled, “but Jace and Izzy have been through so much. Clary and Simon, too. They all have. They don’t deserve to carry the weight of whatever the next bad thing is.”

“And you do?” Magnus asked quietly. Alec looked away, and Magnus knew he had his answer.

Magnus hesitated, unsure of how to proceed. He wouldn’t be able to convince Alec that he didn’t deserve to be unhappy any more than his siblings & friends did right now, but he couldn’t just let the statement go unaddressed.

“My love, look at me.” Magnus urged Alec with a gentle press of his hand to the other’s cheek. Reluctantly, Alec obeyed, bright cerulean meeting unglamoured gold. “How have we gotten through everything else this world has decided to throw at us?”

“By...winning?” Alec said, raising an eyebrow at Magnus. Magnus chuckled and placed a soft kiss to Alec’s cheek.

“Sure, we won,” Magnus conceded, “but how did we win?”

Realisation dawned on Alec and his eyes widened almost imperceptibly. “Together,” he said numbly. “We won together.”

“Precisely.”

Alec sighed and turned to bury his face in Magnus’s shoulder. Magnus smiled sadly and wrapped his arms around his Shadowhunter.

“You don’t have to carry all of the weight,” he whispered into Alec’s ear. “Let us help you. Let me help you.”

Alec exhaled shakily and gave him a slow nod. Magnus squeezed his husband tighter and pressed a kiss to his matted black hair, a silent ‘thank you’. Alec dropped a kiss of his own to Magnus’s shoulder blade - ‘you’re welcome’.

“Can we go home?” Alec asked, his voice muffled by the fabric of Magnus’s shirt. Magnus felt tears well up in his eyes. It didn’t seem like much, but for Alec, it was phenomenal. He was asking for what he wanted, what he needed. He was asking for help.

Magnus was more than willing to provide.

“Of course,” Magnus said, gathering Alec in his arms. He gave a short flick of his fingers to open a portal and guided them through.

The second they were in the loft, the tension in Alec’s shoulders disappeared and he sagged against Magnus. Magnus felt wetness on his shirt, and his heart broke for his husband. How long had he been keeping this bottled up inside of him?

“Come on, love,” Magnus said, and gently prodded Alec to sit down on the couch. Alec gave a long, shaky sigh and curled against Magnus’s side.

“Next time you need to be held, just tell me,” Magnus requested. He shifted just enough so he could wrap his arms around his husband, and Alec eagerly leaned into the embrace.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Shh, don’t be sorry,” Magnus said, smoothing Alec’s hair back from his forehead. “I know these things are not black and white. Sometimes there isn’t a right answer.” He drew back and cupped Alec’s cheek in his palm, his heart constricting when the Shadowhunter leaned into the touch like he hadn’t been touched so kindly in years. “I know you are trying, darling. I know you talk to me more than you used to, more than you used to talk to anyone. I appreciate that.” He pressed a soft kiss to Alec’s forehead. “I just don’t want to see you hurting yourself, my love.”

More tears rained down onto Magnus’s shirt, and he held Alec close and cooed to him quietly. “Shh, I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s okay, darling. I promise.”

Alec shook his head fiercely. “Told you I’d tell you when things got too bad,” he cried. “Let you down. Failed.”

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Magnus said, pushing himself back just enough to meet Alec’s watery blue eyes. “You did not fail, nor did you let me down. It’s okay, Alexander. I promise you. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Alec closed his eyes, allowing the tears he had been fighting all day to slip down his cheeks freely. Magnus soothed him with gentle touches and kind, soft words. He knew his Shadowhunter didn’t get nearly enough of them.

Hearing Alec sob with abandon made his own tears spill over, but there was a large, warm part of his heart that reminded him that this was good, this was Alec letting go, this was progress. This was Alec letting Magnus in, letting him help. And he couldn’t be more grateful for it.

~ ~ ~

I really hope you like this, even if it’s different than what you were expecting! 

Thank you for the prompt!

send me sensory prompts

[seth-storm]

I Belong Up There...

(A random thing because I want to write but don’t know what to write so I’ll make this up as I go!)

Pairing: Royality

Patton had always wanted to fly. Ever since he was a child he could remember his dreams of flying. He read a book called “The Girl Who Could Fly” (by Victoria Forester) in Middle school and loved it so much that it sparked something in him. He used to lay on the floor of his bedroom and kick his little legs as fast as he could, hoping he would be able to lift off the ground. He had dreams where this technique worked and he would soar around his house and into other, extraordinary worlds. He would watch the birds up there and felt like that was his place. It was where he belonged. He became obsessed with the Tinkerbell movies and the Rainbow Fairy books. He loved the intricate talents of each fairy. They could fly and they all had an identity. They had something that made them special and unique. He wanted to fly just like the fairies in those stories. He wanted to fly in the sky that called for him and have a unique identity of his own.

As Patton grew up, he found out that liking Tinkerbell and children’s fairy books were frowned upon. Further frowned upon was his idea of not belonging. Other kids didn’t belong either. Some kids thought didn’t belong because they were odd. Some kids thought they didn’t belong because of their sexuality or gender. Patton made all those people feel loved anyway, and made them feel like they belonged. And when they would confide in Patton in the dark hours of the night that they didn’t belong, Patton would smile at them and tell them that they did belong. But Patton didn’t belong because he always felt the sky was calling him. He felt the overwhelming hope that if he could just figure out the secret, he could fly. He could soar with the birds. He could be unique. But he couldn’t say that. His dreams seemed childish. Silly, even.

As time went on, High School battered down Patton’s desire to fly. But he still had other absurd and unattainable wishes. Patton wished to have Heterochromia because he wanted people to think his eyes were pretty and focus less on his glasses. Patton also wanted to have synesthesia because he wanted to be different and be able to impress all his classmates when he said he could hear colors. But not all Patton’s wishes were big. Some were simple, but just as unattainable. Patton wanted to be a good singer to be able to impress his friends who could sing really well. Patton wanted to be tall so he could make lighthearted jokes about his short friends, instead of always being at the recieving end of such jokes. Patton wanted to be able to draw, and bring his creations to life on a page exactly the way he’d envisioned it. Most importantly, Patton wanted to be able to be different.

He didn’t remember his dreams of flying until one day in English. The teacher had asked the class what their craziest dream was. Patton had to think about it for a moment, since he’d had plenty of weird dreams. He’d had a dream of two monkeys chasing each other around an arena trying to wack each other with hammers one time. That one was pretty weird. But before he could raise his hand to respond that, another hand went up in the back row.

“Yes?” The teacher had asked, smiling at the student in the back. Patton didn’t look back, raising his hand patiently and waiting for his turn.

“My craziest dream is to be a star.” A dramatic voice came from the back of the room.

“A star? Like a movie star?” The teacher smiled. “That’s not too crazy coming from you, Mr. Alexander.”

“No, a literal star in the sky.” The same voice answered wistfully. “In my dream I’m one of the stars up in the sky. I’m not particularly different, or special, or unique, but people look up at me in wonder. Because I’m so far away and yet so close all in one. I’m so high up, ordinary, and beautiful that I make up part of something bigger than myself. I belong up there, Mrs. Talyn. In the sky.”

Patton’s head turned to the back of the room at the last part, curious. There he saw Roman Alexander, the brightest and prettiest boy in school. Roman met his eyes across the room and smiled. His eyes were blue, Patton noticed. Blue like the sky.

Suddenly all his dreams of flight came back to him. He remembered all those years he had felt so out of place on the ground, all that time practicing so he could fly in the sky, all that time desperately wanting to be noticed and different. Roman wanted to leave the ground too. But Roman didn’t want to be noticed or different. He just wanted to be part of a stunning galaxy.

“That was quite beautiful. Thank you.” Mrs Talyn said, smiling. “How about you, Mr. Baker?”

Patton startled in surprise, not realizing he had never put his hand down. He adjusted his glasses, unsure of what to say. He’d just been reminded of his grandest, craziest, most wonderful dream, but it almost directly contradicted the most popular boy in school’s ideal. Should he tell them? Would they laugh?

Patton took a deep breath, smiling. “My craziest dream is to fly. To fly without wings. To just be able to do it because I’d be able to and soar up with the birds. To be different. To be noticed. To finally feel like I belong somewhere instead of being discontent on the ground. To be closer to the beautiful stars but to never leave the green and blue wonders of the planet that I love. I—“ Patton realized he’d started rambling. Which was only to be expected, since he had thought this all his life but never told anyone. But he looked down at his desk regardless, embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Talyn.”

Mrs. Talyn smiled. “I thought that was lovely Patton, just lovely.” The bell rang. “I want you all to record your dreams for the next week, and we’ll be analyzing them for examples of figurative language afterwards as your semester project!”

Patton started to gather up his things, smiling happily to himself. He had done it. He had said something. He felt so good, it felt so wonderful to remember that dream. A little nostalgic and bittersweet, too, but still good.

“Hello.” A voice said from in front of him. Looking up, Patton saw Roman standing in front of him. “It was... Patton, right? Patton Baker?”

Patton nodded, smiling brightly. “Yep! That’s me! It’s a pleasure to meet you Roman!”

Roman smiled, looking at Patton’s eyes with his own. “I’d just like to thank you.”

“Thank me?” Patton asked, confused. “For what?”

“Every day when I would walk into this class, I would be tired and bored. It’s early in the morning and I usually stay up late because of homework on top of play rehearsal, and so I have to try hard not to fall asleep. One day, I walked in and saw you doodling a person flying in the stars on your assignment paper. It reminded me of when I was a little kid and I would study the constellations for hours until my parents made me go to bed. It reminded me of everyone always calling me the “Star” of the show, but my heart wanting to be a different kind of star. I wanted to be far away, distant, and loved because of my context, not my looks. Every day after that, I’d watch you draw people flying in the margins of your notebook. I even started to draw a few of my own. You reminded me of better times, and this class got less boring because I remembered the days when I would dream about my place in the sky. I know we both want to be in the sky for very different reasons Patton, but if we ever get there... make sure to come visit my star, ok?”

Patton stood there, bewildered. “O-Of course, Roman!” He smiled. “I promise I’ll come visit your star.”

Roman smiled and walked out of the room, seeming a bit embarrassed but very happy. Patton sat there for a moment, processing what had just happened.

“Mr. Baker, you’re going to be late to your next class.” Mrs. Talyn said, a smile on her face from watching the pure exchange between the high school Juniors.

Patton stood up quickly, a smile brighter than a star settling firmly on his face. “Thank you Mrs. Talyn! See you tomorrow!”

Patton grabbed his things and walked quickly down the hall, unable to shake the light, bubbly feeling inside of him. And if someone had looked at Patton walking down that tiled hallway, they would have seen a normal boy walking to his next class, feet planted firmly on the ground.

But if you asked Patton, he was a whole inch off the ground as he flew down that hallway, and he was perfectly content to never come back down.

(Ok so this turned WAY longer than I expected, also I don’t usually write Royality, but I think I like this!! Let me know what you think!)

Taglist: (You may request to be put on/taken off at any time!)

@stop-it-anxiety @littlewolf432 @winterrs-child @ms-top-hat @idunnosong @scared-ghosthunter @anxiousvirgil13 @i-love-wordassociation-games @remusownsmyuwus @thatweriddoodlingllama @emmillie @nutmegandgingersnaps

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @greentealycheejelly!

Written for the lovely @greentealycheejelly for the Malec Secret Santa 2018 exchange! You said that you liked "canon au, fluff, angst, and action" so I tried to hit those tropes!

Read on AO3

*****

all night (or a hundred years)

Alec’s pencil makes a scratching sound as he scribbles into his notebook. “Thank you for that update, Luke.” Alec shuffles through his notes. “Next order of business… Raphael, any updates on that mundane found dead by the DuMort?”

“My clan is still looking into it, but I’ll let you know as soon as they find something.”

Alec nods. “Thank you, please do. Magnus is also following up on a lead as we speak.”

“So that explains his absence,” Meliorn says, an annoyed lilt to his tone.

Alec quirks an eyebrow. “Yes, because he’s on an assignment.”

“A special assignment from the Head of the Institute?” Meliorn huffs and leans forward, resting his elbows on the table. “I don’t believe you were nearly as gracious when I had to take a leave of absence last month. I wonder why that is?”

“Are you implying something, Meliorn?” It takes all of his years of training to reign in the fire bubbling in Alec’s veins.

“Cut it out, you two,” Luke interjects. “Alec, you said there was a lot on the agenda, and we’ll never get through it at this rate.”

Alec takes a deep breath, centering himself. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not,” Meliorn says flippantly, and Alec’s about ready to snap his pen in half.

Footsteps squeak against the linoleum floor as someone approaches their congregation. Magnus hurries over to them carrying a decaying, leather-bound book and a stack of yellowing parchment.

He wears a pair of tight, black skinny jeans that hug him in all the right places and a sheer, short-sleeved top that showcases his strong arms. Sky blue and lilac flowers are embroidered throughout the black mesh, interspersed between patches of gorgeous bronze skin, and Alec has to look away before he swoons. The universe is truly testing him today.

“I apologize for my tardiness,” Magnus says, pulling out the empty chair next to Alec.

They’re so close that Magnus’ breath tickles the back of Alec’s neck on the hiss of his ‘s,’ sending a warm shiver throughout his whole body. Magnus’ hand brushes against Alec’s as he sits down beside him, and it takes longer than it should for Alec to get his breathing under control.

“No, problem, Magnus,” Alec manages to stammer out. “We all understand.”

“Do we?” Raphael raises an eyebrow, and Luke (not so) discreetly elbows him in the ribs. He swears under his breath in Spanish.

“Right, so what did I miss?” Magnus asks.

“Alec was just telling us about the special assignment he had you working on.” Meliorn’s voice is as thick as honey and drips with the weight of heavy implication.

Alec clears his throat to try and distract from the way color bleeds into his cheeks as if he was in the heat of battle or had a bit too much to drink at the Hunter’s Moon.

“Alexander, are you alright?” Magnus asks, placing a hand on Alec’s shoulder.

“I’m fine.” Alec’s voice cracks at the end of the word.

“Are you sure? You’re turning crimson.” Magnus’ mahogany eyes hold concern and a genuine regard for Alec’s well being. It’s overwhelming being caught in such a gorgeous, compassionate gaze. “Do you have time to stop by my apothecary later? I want to get a proper look at you.”

Raphael gives Meliorn a knowing look and mutters, “Playing doctor?”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Raphael,” Magnus chastises. “You know I take care of my friends.”

Friends. The word stings more than kuri venom; it lingers far longer than any demon attack ever could. It lingers in Alec’s mind when he’s tossing and turning at night imagining what they could have been if Alec hadn’t been such a coward all those years ago. It lingers in his heart whenever they’re alone, and Alec swears he sees a glimmer of those feelings Magnus must have buried long ago. And it lingers in his soul whenever they work together as allies, as leaders, as partners, because they really are compatible in all the ways that count.

But none of that matters, because they’re just friends.

“Thank you for the offer, but I have some work I really need to catch up on,” Alec says.

He doesn’t miss the way Magnus looks almost disappointed; it tugs at something in his chest, and regret pools in his gut, but then he reminds himself that he must be imagining it. There’s no reason why Magnus would be disappointed at not getting to spend time with him.

“Another time then,” Magnus says.

“So, how did your mission go?” Luke asks, steering the meeting back on track.

“Well, it was certainly interesting to say the least.” Magnus shuffles through his stack of papers and fishes out a few blown up photographs, sliding them to the center of the table. “Raphael sent over these photos of the burn patterns on that mundane found by the DuMort.”

“Right, you thought they might be Edomei in nature?” Alec prompts.

“Precisely,” Magnus confirms. “But I had to track down one of my more… unseemly contacts to be sure.”

“What did they say?” Meliorn asks, and Alec’s relieved that he finally seems to have dropped the teasing and focused on work.

Magnus licks his finger and leafs through the decrepit tome, scouring the pages for whatever he’s looking for. When he finds it, he turns the book towards the others.

“Dragons?” Raphael asks, incredulous.

“Dragons have been extinct for centuries.” Meliorn waves him off.

“Mostly extinct,” Alec corrects. “There have been about half a dozen dragon demon sightings in the last century.”

“That’s not extinct enough.” Luke shakes his head. “When was the last sighting?”

“I believe last week,” Magnus says.

“You think a dragon demon killed that mundane?” Raphael asks, tilting his head to the side.

“I don’t think, I know.” Raphael opens his mouth to speak, but Magnus continues on before he has the chance. “I brought a sample of the ash found at the scene to my contact, and they confirmed it was the same ash produced by a dragon’s hellfire.”

“Why would a dragon be stalking my hotel?” Raphael looks skeptical. “And how come we haven’t seen it yet?”

“Perhaps you have something it’s looking for,” Magnus suggests.

“My abuelita’s award winning empanada recipe?”

“Or a solid gold casket,” Magnus suggests.

They table the issue for now, deciding to have Alec dispatch extra patrol teams to cover the area around the DuMort while they conduct more research, and move on with the rest of the meeting agenda. Meliorn launches into a complaint about mermaids swimming in the Central Park entrance to the Seelie realm, but Alec barely hears a word of it. He’s too focused on the way the light streaming through the Institute’s stained glass windows hits Magnus just right, casting him in a warm, ethereal glow.

He looks beautiful, incredible, otherworldly. Then again, he always does. And Alec is so in love with him.

A few days later, Alec finishes typing up the meeting minutes and sends them out in a quick email to the rest of the Cabinet. As soon as he hits send, he folds his laptop shut, and drops his head to his desk, letting out a muffled groan into the treated wood. It’s certainly been a week.

A knock on the door sends him scrambling, but when he looks up, Izzy’s already standing in the doorway, arms crossed with a knowing smile playing at her ruby-red lips.

“Rough day?” she asks as she crosses the room and takes a seat on the couch.

“Something like that.” he says, joining her. His head is pounding, whether from banging it on his desk, worrying about the murdered mundane, or embarrassing himself in front of Magnus, he’s not sure, but probably all three. “What’s on your mind?”

“I just wanted to check on you. You seem… stressed.” She rests her hand on his knee and gives it a soft squeeze.

“I’m fine, Iz.” He shakes her off, scooting down the sofa. “Just busy.” Busy hiding. “Speaking of, any updates from the patrol teams?”

She shakes her head ‘no.’ “So far they say everything looks normal near the DuMort.”

“That’s good.” Alec gets up and heads over to his desk. “Is that all? Because I have a lot of work to—”

“You can’t keep hiding this from him.”

Alec freezes, his feet glued to the spot but his heart beating so fast it might break through his chest and run away. Alec wants to run away with it. He’s not ready to have this conversation; he’s never going to have this conversation, because there’s nothing to discuss. He and Magnus are colleagues, nothing more.

“He deserves to know how you feel.”

At that, Alec turns to face her. “Why does it matter how I may or may not feel? Magnus is an adult, not some pining teenager. I’m sure he’s fine without me.” He realizes that he’s gripping the edge of his desk when his hand starts to cramp, and he quickly pulls it away to relieve the ache.

She raises an eyebrow. “When did I say I was talking about Magnus?”

Dammit. Alec deflates, caught by his far too perceptive baby sister, and all of his confidence and bravado dissolves as he slumps back down on the couch with her. “How did you know?” He doesn’t dare look at her, just stares down at his hands in his lap.

“You’re not exactly subtle,” she says, trying to be gentle.

“Do you think he knows?” Alec doesn’t want to know the answer.

“Honestly?”

“Honestly.”

“I think you should find that out for yourself.”

Alec sighs. “It’s not gonna change anything.”

Izzy inches closer to him on the couch and rests her hand on his back, rubbing circles into his shirt with her thumb. “But it might.” She looks up at him with warm eyes. “And you deserve to be happy.”

Alec cracks a smile and wraps an arm around her side, pulling her in closer. He presses a kiss to the top of her head, and the scent of her floral shampoo tickles his nose. “Thank you for looking out for me, but I promise you, I’m fine.”

“And stubborn as all hell,” Izzy tries to mutter under her breath.

“What was that?” Alec asks, and Izzy perks up, quickly uttering, “Nothing!” just a pitch too high.

“You know.” She presses the back of her hand to his forehead. “You feel a little warm. Are you feeling well?”

Alec tilts his head to the side, confused by the direction the conversation has turned. “Yeah?”

“Well, it’s flu season. I think you should get checked out.” Her eyes drift away from his face and focus on the couch upholstery. “I heard Magnus has a friends and family discount for check ups.”

Heat flames from the tops of Alec’s cheeks to his ears to down his neck. He wants to ask her how she found out about that but realizes that she was probably eavesdropping during the Cabinet meeting. Knowing Iz, she had her ear pressed to the door like they used to do when they were kids, and their parents were hosting representatives from the Clave.

“I think I’ll take him up on that offer.”

Alec could keep fighting her on this until she finally dropped it, but then she’d just give him the cold shoulder for the rest of the day and he’d feel guilty, or he could play along with the out she’s giving him like he really wants to. If anyone asks, he’s going over to Magnus’ to see if he has any new intel on the dragon demon investigation, but he and Izzy know the truth.

Though he doesn’t want to admit it, Alec would use any excuse to see Magnus.

“Alexander.”

Magnus says his name like he’s savoring the taste on his tongue. It sends goosebumps down Alec’s arms. He gestures Alec inside, closing the door behind him with a snap of his fingers. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Alec wipes his clammy hands on his jeans and prays to Raziel that Magnus doesn’t notice the way his hands shake when he does. Alec spent the entire walk over rehearsing what he was going to say and practicing his confidence, but all of his meticulous planning and false resolve melts away as soon as he comes face to face with Magnus.

“I was in the neighborhood.” About 45 minutes away from your apartment. “So, I just thought I’d stop by.” Alec wets his chapped lips with the swipe of his tongue. “And, uh, see if that offer for a proper check up was still on the table. I’m not feeling well.” I needed any excuse to see you.

Magnus’ lips curl into a smile, his lip gloss glinting under the soft lamp light, and Alec imagines what it would be like to tug him by the jacket and kiss him senseless.

“For you? Always.”

Magnus guides Alec into his apothecary and sits him down on a leather stool. He flits about the room, collecting jars with concerning labels like “Giants’ Toes” and “Snake Tears” and rifling around drawers and cabinets for tools and magical oddities. He pokes and prods Alec with so many things, Alec actually breathes a sigh of relief at the sense of familiarity when Magnus draws out a mundane stethoscope — primitive though it may be.

Magnus stands behind him, instructing Alec to breathe normally, as he listens through the device. He presses two fingers to Alec’s wrist and checks his watch, taking Alec’s pulse. Then takes it again a minute later.

“Your breathing is a little shallow, and your heart rate is slightly alarming, but besides that, everything else seems normal.”

Alec swallows down the urge to tell Magnus that it’s because of him. “Thanks for the check up. Any recommendations, doc?”

Magnus pretends to think about it. “Spend the whole day in bed.”

Magnus’ eyes widen as soon as he realizes the implication laced in what he just said, and he drops the stethoscope. Alec moves to pick it up at the same time as Magnus. Their hands brush as they reach for the cool metal. Their eyes meet, and Alec feels the temperature in the room increase by about twenty degrees.

The moment is interrupted by an alarm screeching from Alec’s back pocket. He yanks his phone out and swipes over the screen. A red angelic power rune flashes, and Alec scrolls up to read the distress signal.

“One of my patrols.” There’s a delay as his words catch up to his mind, and he reads and rereads the alert. “They were ambushed by the dragon demon. Down in Astoria.”

Alec grabs his leather jacket off of the back of the chair he tossed it on when he first arrived and scans the room, trying to remember where he left his bow.

“Give me the coordinates. I’ll make a portal.”

Alec opens his mouth to protest but then thinks better of it. There’s nothing he can say that will dissuade Magnus from coming along, because that’s the kind of man Magnus is. People are in danger, so he’s going to help. There’s no argument to be made.

It’s one of the infinite things Alec loves about him.

Magnus takes the phone from Alec. He stands in the center of the room and circles his arms, glowing orange magic flaming at his fingertips as he conjures a portal. The air grows thin as the vortex sucks out all of the room’s oxygen — like a vacuum. Magnus looks to Alec to make sure he’s ready. Alec slings his bow and quiver over his shoulder and stands beside Magnus in front of the portal.

Magnus laces their fingers together, and they leap.

Alec doesn’t let go when they step through the portal. They emerge near the Hell Gate Bridge, which Alec thinks is fitting given the circumstances. He hears the crash of rushing water coming from the Hudson and a shriek unlike anything he’s ever heard before.

Footsteps crescendo up the asphalt path he and Magnus are standing on as Underill sprints over to them. He’s out of breath by the time he catches up to them, panting as he rests his hands on his knees. Alec finally realizes that he and Magnus are still holding hands and releases his grip.

“The demon… sir…” Underhill tries in between breaths. “Lindsay and Raj—”

“Are they okay?” Alec prompts.

Magnus summons a bottle of water and passes it to Underhill, who swallows down the whole thing in three gulps. “They’re alive,” Underhill says, “but they need medical attention.”

Alec turns to Magnus. “Can you keep the portal open?” Magnus nods, and Alec shifts his attention back to Underhill. “I need you to take them to the infirmary.”

“But, sir, what about you—” Underhill tries to protest.

“Magnus and I have it covered. Now hurry up; that’s an order.”

Underhill helps Lindsay and Raj to their feet, slinging their arms over each of his shoulders, and dragging them through the portal. Alec has his bow drawn and ready, surveying the area for the dragon demon to cover them while they make their escape. As soon as Underhill ushers them through, Magnus seals the portal behind him.

Alec hears a flapping sound and a sudden gust of wind knocks him off his feet.

“Alexander, are you alright?” Magnus asks as he kneels down to help Alec up.

Alec dusts himself off. “Yeah, I’m fine— Magnus, look out!”

They duck just as a giant flying mass swoops above them. It fills the air around them with a rancid stench, like rotting flesh and spoiled eggs but a hundred times worse. The scent is as ingrained in Alec as the sound of Izzy’s laugh or Max’s favorite book. Demon ichor.

Alec looks up and sees the unmistakable silhouette of a dragon. Its emerald scales glisten under the afternoon sun as two wings, at least ten feet each in length, flap to keep the beast afloat. Six ivory horns protrude from the top of its head and smoke flares from the tip of its snout. It opens its mouth to let out another piercing scream, so sharp it could shatter glass, and reveals a mountain range of jagged teeth. But what Alec can’t stop staring at is the dragon’s eyes — as pitch black as coal and as cold as a January blizzard.

The demon launches up about fifty feet in the air in five seconds, and Magnus and Alec make a run for it, taking cover behind a stone fence.

“What do we do?” Alec asks, breath coming out in pants.

“I don’t know. You’re the one who hunts demons for a living.”

“But I’ve never hunted a dragon.”

The demon barrels towards them, its body spinning like a lethal projectile. They dart away in opposite directions just as the demon collides with the fence and shatters it. The demon clenches its jaw, almost like it’s charging an attack, and Alec realizes that it’s readying a fiery breath.

He braces for heat, but instead, the demon opens its mouth and shoots out a bolt of lightning, scorching the earth below. Magnus hurls an orange pulse of magic at the dragon, and it cries out when the blast connects. Alec nocks an arrow and launches it at the demon’s abdomen, and the demon retreats behind a patch of trees, black blood dripping as it goes.

“I think we made it angry,” Magnus notes.

“Could be worse.”

The demon charges towards them again, plowing down the bramble of trees in its path, but it swoops upwards and abruptly stops as soon as it reaches Alec. Its motion sends an even stronger gust of wind Alec’s way, knocking his quiver off his shoulder, and the demon breathes out a bolt of lightning, destroying all of Alec’s arrows.

Alec, rendered defenseless against an aerial target, runs as fast as his legs will take him away from the dragon. Magnus throws a ball of energy at the demon’s head, his glamour dropped in the heat of battle revealing two golden cat eyes. Rather than go after Magnus, the demon seems to want to finish what it started with Alec, accelerating towards him after recovering from Magnus’ attack.

Alec runs towards an open plane — cover nowhere close enough. The dragon takes the opportunity to breathe out another barrage of lightning.

Magnus’ piercing cat eyes dart from the dragon to Alec, and in a split second decision, Magnus hurls out a pulse of magic that sends Alec flying. As he’s launched through the air, Alec watches the dragon’s blast collide with Magnus, shooting electricity throughout his whole body. Magnus cries out in pain but lashes out with every last drop of magic he has.

Alec passes out as soon as he hits the stone wall of the bridge.

Alec comes to gradually. He feels warm sensations tickling his skin, like he’s bathing in a bed of silk, and the soft hum of familiar blue flames coaxing him awake. Magnus.

Alec blinks his eyes open, wincing as his eyes adjust to the light from the setting sun, and moves to sit up. A sharp pain shoots up through his chest where he collided with the bridge. It feels like a shard of glass is traveling through his veins, and for all he knows, maybe that’s what’s happening.

Gentle hands nudge Alec back down, and an arm wraps around his back, pulling him closer to a chest that beats as rapidly as his own.

“I’m sorry, angel. I’m not done healing you yet,” Magnus’ soothes.

Alec grimaces as Magnus’ magic stitches his skin back together, healing bruised ribs and mending broken bones. Magnus works with the skilled hands of a surgeon but with the delicate care of a NICU nurse, only moving Alec when absolutely necessary to minimize the pain.

“I know it hurts.” Magnus’ voice sounds like a lullaby. “But I’m almost done.”

Alec reaches up, his fingers brushing Magnus’ cheek. The simple motion takes far more energy than it should — a testament to just how serious his impact with the wall was — but it could have been so much worse if it was the dragon’s lightning blast he faced instead of the rough concrete.

“You threw yourself in front of the demon, that could’ve killed you.” Alec groans as Magnus mends a particularly tender muscle. “Why would you risk your life to save me?”

Magnus stops healing him for a moment and shakes his head, a soft smile playing at his lips. “You stupid Nephilim,” Magnus chides, but his tone is light, as if he were scolding Alec for having dessert before dinner. “You honestly haven’t figured it out by now?”

“Figured what out—” Alec starts to ask, but then it dawns on him and suddenly the last few years of their relationship click into place.

All of the late nights poring over ancient texts until dawn broke at the Manhattan skyline. The biweekly updates to the Institute wards Magnus assured him were standard protocol. The charged glances across the room at Clave functions and the casual touches during post-Cabinet meeting drinks at the Hunter’s Moon. Every moment that Alec cursed himself for reading too much into.

He was right.

“By the Angel, I’m an idiot.”

Magnus chuckles, beaming down at Alec’s head in his lap. He absentmindedly runs his fingers though Alec’s hair as a sad smile tugs at his lips. “I’m sorry for bringing this up now. I know it’s not the time, especially when… I know you don’t feel the same.” Magnus looks away, but his fingers still tangle in Alec’s hair.

“What? No, I—” Alec moves to sit up again and regrets it immediately, stumbling back into Magnus’ lap. “I want to be your idiot.”

Magnus’ eyes widen, his rich brown irises glamouring his natural gold, and he sits back on his heels. He looks shocked and scared and ready to flee as soon as he can, like a trapped deer, but after learning that Magnus feels the same, Alec will never let him go. He’s wasted too much time already that could have been theirs.

“I’ve been in love with you since we defeated that Circle member together.”

“Alexander,” Magnus says, “that was years ago.”

“I know.”

“I clearly made my affections known back then.” His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows down a breath. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you terrified me.”

Magnus’ face falls, and he looks as though Alec just stabbed him in the heart. Alec has unknowingly played with his heart and disappointed Magnus so many times throughout their relationship, and he’s tired of it. He’s done hurting Magnus. Magnus deserves so much better.

“You’re the most incredible man alive, and I didn’t deserve you. I still don’t,” Alec clarifies. “You were also the first guy I ever had real feelings for, and I was afraid that you’d break my heart. But now I see that’s all I’ve done to you.”

“You still don’t see how special you are, Alexander.”

“Not with you right above me.”

Magnus leans down and presses his lips to Alec’s. Magnus tastes like everything Alec imagined he would, from the cool mint of his lipgloss to the salt of his skin and the fire of his soul, Alec loves it all. Alec cups his hand around Magnus cheek, and Magnus tugs at his hair. Alec licks into the wet, hot heat of Magnus’ mouth, savoring every last moment with this beautiful man he craves so desperately.

When they part, Magnus whispers, “So, you want to be my idiot?”

Alec wouldn’t have it any other way.

[rauliskafan]

A Little Lesson in Healing: Chapter 4

Authors’ Note: Happy Thursday, terrific readers!!! Thank you for last night’s amazing comments!!! Rafael is about to have a day in court like he has never known. Read on for more!!! @vintagemichelle91 and I hope that you enjoy, and we always look forward to your feedback!!!

NOTE: Italicized passages are set earlier in the series.

           “We’ll have to come up with two names this time around.”

           Lying in bed, Natalia tilted her head to glance at him. Maybe his smile was for her eyes, but his hand kept caressing her tummy. She laced her fingers with his, stunned at the second, and the third miracle, growing inside her.

           “Do you remember when we settled on Violetta?” she hummed. “My books, your phone…”           

            “Lots of pizza and ice cream,” he teased. “We’ll have to make a party of it again.”

           “That would be nice,” Natalia replied, and she saw Rafael’s eyes narrow at the sound of her voice growing hoarse.

           “What’s wrong?” he gently asked. “It’s good news. And he can’t---”

           “I know,” she quickly cut in. “He… he’s not the father. He’s far away…”

           She couldn’t complete the thought, still cringing at the memory of the moment when he touched her, the seconds after when he sneered and threatened, wearing a fun house version of her husband’s face. Shuddering under the sheets, Natalia felt herself on the verge of tears when Rafael tightened his hold.

           “He can’t touch you,” Rafael promised. “Or us.”

           “I know,” she mumbled into his shoulder. “I just…”

           “You faced him down when he tried to barrel his way back into our life,” Rafael insisted. “Do you have any idea how brave you are?”

           “And maybe a little foolish?” she asked, her chuckle light as he twirled a lock of her hair between his fingers.

           “I didn’t say that,” Rafael continued. “I would have preferred that you called for backup. But…”

           “Yes?” Natalia asked. He said nothing else, simply smiled and brought his lips to hers…

           “How are you holding up?”

           Sitting in the back seat of the taxi cab, Rafael said little. His eyes stayed fixed on the window, seeing nothing despite the busy city streets sliding by.

           “Atticus?”

           He felt Natalia’s hand on his arm and struggled to shake off the dark images upon facing her.

           “I’m sorry,” he said. “Guess I was lost in thought or something.”

           “I know,” she whispered, placing a swift, sweet kiss on his cheek. “This isn’t going to be easy.”

           “No, it’s not,” Rafael agreed, his voice suddenly hoarse, his eyes glazing over for an instant before he sat up straighter and clasped Natalia’s hand.

           “Kind of ridiculous,” he continued. “Not like it’s the first time I’ve been in a courtroom.”

           “But not like this,” Natalia gently reminded him, reaching her free hand over her chest to stroke his chin.

           “No,” he said, taking some comfort in her touch. “Definitely not like this. I… for the first time in my life I wish I could just sit in the gallery. Be a spectator.”

           “Atticus? Are you---?”

            Rafael pulled her close, his lips on hers. Natalia returned the kiss and draped her arms around his neck. The chill of the breeze wafting through the cracked window seemed to suggest snow at any second, but he felt warm, contented… safe as his wife held him.

           “Am I alright?” he guessed. “That’s what were you were going to ask me, right?”

           “Reading my mind,” Natalia whispered. “If I were a betting woman…”

           Her voice trailed off as she played with his tie. Rafael captured her small hand in his around the paisley, bowing his head to kiss her wrist before meeting her eyes once more.

           “Finish the thought,” he pressed.

           “If I were a betting woman,” she repeated. “I’d put the house on you. To get this done. To come out the other side a winner.”

           “Save your pennies, hermosa,” he said. “Today I’m far from a sure thing.”

           The cab came to a stop before the courthouse. His chest felt tight, his hands clammy. He was on the verge of asking the driver to keep going, to take them far away from the place, from the moment when he’d have to see the man who had shattered two families, scores of special victims… who would have ever thought that he would number in their ranks?

           “Atticus?”

           At the feel of Natalia’s hand on his back, Rafael found her eyes. They were bright, her smile seemingly stretching into infinity, and she touched his flushed cheek.

           “You are a sure thing,” she said. “Just focus on O’Dwyer.”

           “Haven’t we had this conversation before?” he whispered, his mind flashing back to Robert Emerson’s trial and Natalia’s fears before she took the stand.

           “I think so,” Natalia murmured. “And I’ll tell you now what you told me then. If that doesn’t work, then you look at me.”

           She had never looked lovelier than in that moment, sweet yet strong, seeming as if she could take on any monster that might cross their shared path with one hand tied behind her back.

           “With pleasure,” Rafael said, pressing his nose to hers before taking a deep breath.

           “Okay then. Let’s head inside.”

           “Of course Cutter’s down for the count,” Fin said after Rafael and his wife exchanged a few pleasantries with the sergeant and the lieutenant. Liv’s hand was light on his forearm, her face fixed in determination.

           “One down, one to go,” she said, and Rafael nodded as he heard Natalia whisper to Fin.

           “Powers that be’ll probably unchain Amanda from her desk within the week,” Fin replied in response to his wife’s quiet question.

           “What about Mike?” Rafael asked, knowing that the other sergeant had sacrificed so much for his family, knowing that Natalia missed her sister because Maggie rarely came around and preferred to see the little ones at Trevor and Alessia’s. How to fix that?

           “I’m not sure if I’m getting him back,” Liv admitted.

           “Really, Liv?” Rafael asked. She shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head sadly, and she patted his shoulder.

           “Bill won’t let him lose his shield,” she continued. “But back at SVU?

           “No matter what he stays in the family,” Fin swore. At that, Rafael felt a fresh wave of guilt and hated himself for being the cause of so much chaos. He said nothing else as they sat in the gallery, his eyes fixed on the defendant’s table.

           Natalia reached for his hand.

           “Okay?” she whispered.

           “So far from it,” Rafael said. “I should have been smarter. About all of this. I’ve ruined so---”

           “Stop that, Atticus.”

           Her tone was gentle yet firm, her fingers clutching his tighter, and his soul lightened at the feel of her head falling to his shoulder.

           “It wasn’t your fault,” she started. “None of it. Other people hurt you.”

           “But, hermosa, I---”

           “We will figure out what comes next,” she promised, her lips drifting towards his cheek. He savored her kiss and met her brown eyes.

           “As hard as it was, I felt better when I stared Melanie’s father down. When I escaped from Francis Devenue. When…”

           He watched her carefully, knowing that the wreckage wrought by Nevada Ramirez was not as easy to compartmentalize. Maybe if the man didn’t have his face. Natalia shuddered for a second before lifting her head and smoothing one stray hair that had fallen to his forehead.

           “Feel better today,” she said. “Right now that’s all that matters. We’ll work the rest out.”

           Her stare sparkled, and he inched closer in search of her lips when a door creaked open. Spying the shackled dentist shuffling into the courtroom, Rafael’s mind raced back to the darkened room, the hands balled into fists… the bottle…

           “Neil Alexander, please rise.”

           Clad in orange, the dentist stood slowly, listening to the judge tack on ten years to his already lengthy sentence for the assault. Never before had he understood what those words meant to a victim, the idea that the monster could stay hidden under the bed. Maybe it would always reappear in the realm of the nightmare. But one day in the light after another seemed a sure thing. His heart beat slowed; Natalia was so close that her breath caressed his cheek, and he wanted that to be enough.

           But one look at Liv confirmed that there was still another step, a speech unrehearsed except for in the depths of his soul…

           Could he be as brave as his wife?

           Upon hearing the judge pose a similar question in a far more formal fashion, Rafael sucked in a deep breath. His legs wobbled, but somehow he approached the podium. His lips drew close to the microphone. Were this another world he would have struck a pose, raised an eyebrow, curled his lips into a smirk. No time for theatrics now. He simply turned his head and peered at his attacker.

           “I…”

           For a few long, painful seconds, he could say nothing else. Alexander looked like he would tear into him again given the chance.

          But this wasn’t a world behind bars.

         “I think of your niece,” Rafael continued. “All the patients that you… plied your trade with.”

        Alexander narrowed his eyes, obviously trying to rattle him. But Rafael stood strong, gripping the edges of the tall, narrow table and tightening his own stare.

      “They were far more courageous than I,” he said. “Having to live with… with the shadows…”

       Starting to stumble over his words, he saw the dentist’s smirk. He nearly threw in the towel when he spied Natalia shifting forward in her seat, her eyes wide and believing. Regaining his footing, Rafael looked back to the dentist.

      “Having to live with what you did for so long,” Rafael said. “And carry on. I’ve lived with this for only a few months. I can say right here and now that you leave a stain behind.”

       Judging the next moment carefully, he watched Alexander ready to bask in a perverse kind of triumph as the next set of words trickled off his tongue.

      “But they washed you away,” Rafael spat. “Because they sent you to a place where you can never hurt them again.”

      Now he stepped from behind the podium, just looking at Liv as he held one hand in the air.

      “I had the misfortune to find you in that place,” Rafael said. “You thought you could drag me down with you? Make me think that I belonged in that dirt?”

       He had thought as much so many times, too many times to count.

      “No.”

      Looking away from Alexander, liking the idea that he left the monster confused at to how he might even work his way back under the bed, the shadows providing no sense of cover, Rafael focused on his wife.

     And he managed a smile.

     “What happened… it wasn’t my fault,” he started, and Natalia nodded her head. “Not to say I couldn’t have stayed in that filth. But I have someone who pulls me back into the light. Every day.”

     He saw his wife’s eyes brim with tears. Blinking back his own, he turned to Alexander.

     “That’s a place you can’t understand. Where you don’t get to live. The day will come when I won’t think of you at all. But you think on this… you didn’t break me. Because I was never alone. Not when we were in that room… and definitely not now.”

     Feeling, knowing that he did not need to utter another word, Rafael returned to his wife’s side. Natalia moved fast to wind her arms around his neck, her kisses coating his cheeks. He held her waist, listened to Alexander’s new sentence made official…

     “Atticus?”

     “It’s over,” he muttered. “Let’s get out of here.”

      “But you didn’t need it.”

      “What?” Natalia asked, her voice slightly muffled as she cuddled into his chest.

       “You didn’t need any help to get the job done. You’re the strongest person I know. I am indescribably lucky that I get to have you this close every night. And forever.”

       Smiling, Natalia stroked his cheek, her heart mending because it was so full. Tomorrow would bring twins. An even brighter world. Nothing could not be alright, and she settled in for sleep in his sweet embrace.

           “Are you good?”

           After Liv and Fin departed, Rafael looked to his wife, saw the sunlight cascading through her hair, and took her hands in his.

          “At this second, yes,” he answered.

          “You were so brave in there,” she said. “You are the strongest person I know.”

           “A mirror would disagree with you, hermosa,” Rafael said.  “It felt good to confront him. But… I mean maybe tomorrow---”

           “Today you took on the world and won,” Natalia said. She hugged him tightly, and he felt the weight of so many worlds leaving his shoulders.

           “Let’s say we head home to our girls,” she said. “That might feel good, too.”

           “The best mi hermosa flor,” he agreed.

           Rafael Barba, the unexpected special victim, the onetime ADA who hoped he would get a chance to try another case descended the courthouse steps. The terrain was unknown, but his wife was at his side, in a world where he wanted to dwell for the rest of his days…

          …and forever.

[elizabethhamilton1780]

Hamliza - “get away from me” please?

A/N: This is the aftermath of Alexander’s initial confession of his affair, still two years out from the pamphlet. Modern AU. Also, someone else also asked for this prompt on anon, so hopefully you see it.

Prompt list (x)

It was so much worse than Alexander had ever imagined.

Her face went slack, once he uttered the words. He stayed quiet, frozen, waiting for the reaction.

The thing was, she didn’t. She didn’t react. She stared blankly at the wall.

“Honey,” he prodded quietly, his heart pounding. Nothing. She said nothing. “B,” he said again, moving to sit next to her. “Betsey—“

“Don’t call me that.”

Alexander froze at the sudden animosity in her tone. His heart sank when he saw tears form in her eyes. Maybe the silence was better. But he deserved it. He deserved to be screamed at, yelled at, hit and kicked out of the house. “I just need you to understand how sorry I am. How she meant nothing. Nothing, absolutely nothing to me. She was a mistake, the worse mistake I’ve ever made and I’m so unbelievably sorry that I hurt—“

“How long?”

He winced. “A year.”

“An entire year?”

“I’m so sorry.”

She had stood up now, the tears in her eyes now rolling down her cheeks. She didn’t know what to do with herself, it looked like. Her breathing was uneven and she ran her hands through her long dark tresses of hair. She looked so heartbreakingly beautiful. “A year? I mean. How? What— where the fuck was I?!”

“In Albany, when it started—“

“So I take the kids upstate to take care of my sick father and have pretty much the worse summer of my life and you stay here and fuck another woman in our home?! God, with all the damn money you insist on taking extra hours at work to make, one would think you could afford to book a fucking hotel room!” She was pretty much screaming by the end and Alexander has never seen her this upset.

“I wasn’t thinking straight, baby, I don’t—“

“Oh.” Suddenly the volume of her voice dropped significantly. “Oh. Oh, god,” she covered her face with her hands. He stayed quiet, watching her. There wasn’t anything to do. He hurt her. He did this. Tears rolled silently down his cheeks as he watched her come to terms with everything. “We. We made three of our children in that bed. And you. You-you, oh my god,” she suddenly stopped her pacing, leaned heavily against the wall and crumbling in on herself with grief.

Alexander hadn’t thought of that before. He hadn’t thought of a lot of things, but he would have never thought of that and oh my god he was a terrible person. “Baby. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he slid off the bed and crawled over to her shaking form. He started to kiss her in desperation. Any place his lips could reach, he was kissing. Her clothed shoulder, neck and jaw. He mumbled his frantic apologies between kisses and Eliza just stood frozen.

He managed to press a small kiss on the corner of her mouth before she exploded. “Get away from me!” she shouted as her small hands gave Alexander’s chest a hard shove. She scrambled to her feet and across the room. She shut and locked herself in the bathroom, but Alexander could still hear her sobs through the door.

He begged and pleaded with her to come out for hours, leaning against the wall next to the door. Eventually, he figured out his pleas were useless and he stayed put but he stayed quiet. He ran through the events of this silly monotonous day, how many things he took for granted, how many of those things did he experience today that was his last?

He thought of the closed-lip goodbye kiss he gave her each morning. He thought of the night before when he watched her get ready for bed, watched her run a brush through her shiny, raven colored hair. The way she always managed to wrangle their rambunctious young children into submission with a single raise of her eyebrow. How she managed to do the same to him with a different look. He thought of their silly date nights she loved so much, even if it was just a quick lunch before running errands. He can’t even remember the last time he took her on a real date. One where they dressed up nice and flirted across the dimly lit small table.

God, she’d asked for so little.

He thought of the last time they’d made love. Just a few days ago. She had initiated it by rolling on top of him in a long time married sort of way and then had peeled off her shirt. It wasn’t one of their most romantic nights, but it was amazing. It always was with her. It had been hard and fast and if Alexander had known it was his last time with her, he would have gone slower. He would have mapped out every inch of her with kisses and tried to memorize everything. How beautiful she looked, the sounds she made, how good she felt and her pretty, soft smile that she always gave him after they both found their release.

The thought of never kissing her again made him feel like throwing up. Around 4 am, the bathroom door creaked open. Alexander stayed frozen from where he was sprawled out on the ground, closing his eyes and pretending to sleep. He listened as she stepped over him and padded around the room for a moment before he heard the rustling of sheets, indicating she had climbed into bed. He mentally thanks whatever god Eliza believes in that they decided to purchase a new bed, a Tempurpedic one that was meant to be easier on Eliza’s back during her pregnancy with John. His heart ached again as the realization hit him. They’d planned on having another baby once he turned three, his birthday only a few weeks away. Yet another one of his lasts.

He froze when he heard Eliza climb out of bed, squeezing his eyes shut again, but tighter. He felt her footsteps get closer to him but forced himself to relax. It’d probably help him feel better if she kicked him. Instead, he felt the soft material of a blanket be spread over him and then his pillow is placed near his arm that was supporting his head.

Tears leaked out of his shut eyes as he heard Eliza climb back into their bed. Even if she never touched him again, even if he was never allowed to kiss or look her in the eyes again, this would be enough. Sleeping on the ground she walked on would forever be enough.

It was all he deserves.

[shsummertimefest-blog]

The Late Night Hot Chocolate Mishap

Enjoy, @magnusragnor! The apartment was silent as Alec sighed, rubbing his hand over his face and noticing the thin layer of stubble that was slowly taking over. He had been sat reading the same paragraph for the last hour and hadn’t made any progress with his essay in even longer. With a loud thunk Alec’s head hit his desk as he groaned in frustration. He was getting nowhere.

What felt like only a few moments later Alec was startled by a light touch on his shoulder. Jumping up from his chair, Alec somehow managed to headbutt his surprise attacker.

“Alexander!” A silvery, albeit pained, voice came from behind him. Alec quickly turned to see his roommate holding his head and frowning.

“Shit! I’m so sorry Magnus! You just, you startled me.” Alec’s face heated up as he quickly looked away from his closest friend. “No harm done dear, just a mild concussion from that pretty little head of yours.” Magnus teased, smirking at the playful glare he got in return. “I did call your name a couple times before you so rudely assaulted me,” Alec rolled his eyes, “It appears your brain finally decided to let you take a break from all that studying.” Magnus chuckled at the small confused frown that took over Alec’s face, “You fell asleep Alexander.” He explained, smiling at the younger boy.

“I wasn’t asleep! I was just…resting my eyes.” Alec’s sentence drifted off sounding more like a question. He groaned loudly, “I have to have this done by the end of the week and I’m getting nowhere Mags”

“Come now, you need a proper break love.” Flushing at the pet name Alec looked down as Magnus softly placed his hand on the boy’s arm, leading him away from his books.

The two boys had been close friends since the start of their college life after being assigned together in the dorms. Now, living together off campus, Magnus and Alec were in their final year at Idris University. Alec wouldn’t admit to anyone how much he longed to be more than Magnus’ friend. What had started as a simple crush when they first met had only ignited further the more Alec got to know him; the way he crinkled his nose when he yawned, how one day he came home with a tiny kitten and always referred to himself and Alec as his fathers, even the way Magnus tried incessantly to sneak some colour into Alec’s wardrobe. His sister Isabelle, of course, had soon realised his crush and tried to tell him many times that he simply needed to tell Magnus about his feelings so that they could live ‘happily ever after’, Alec scoffed at her every time this subject was brought up.

“Fine,” Alec huffed, “I’m pretty sure my brain turned off hours ago anyway.” He gave Magnus a small smile. “How about I make us some hot chocolate? We can sit and watch one of your ridiculous runway shows if you want?”

“They are not ridiculous Alexander, they are highly entertaining and of course educational! How else do you think I learnt to dress this fabulously?” Alec rolled his eyes as Magnus did a twirl in his royal blue silk pyjamas.

Entering the kitchen, Magnus gracefully sat himself on the counter watching Alec begin to prepare their hot chocolate. He watched the way Alec’s shirt rode up showing his toned stomach, and just a hint of his V line, as he reached for the saucepan. How the muscles on his arm flexed slightly when he got the milk. He really couldn’t help but stare, and who could blame him, as Alec bent over to rummage in the cupboard for the missing cocoa powder. Magnus was so lost in thoughts of what he wished he was doing with Alec in that position that he didn’t notice how Alec was now standing right in front of him, looking at him in a way that meant he had obviously just asked a question.

“I’m sorry dear, what did you say?” Magnus flushed just slightly at being caught staring,

“I was asking if you could pass me the cocoa powder.” Alec smiled shyly, a similar flush on his cheeks. Magnus’ heart began to race as Alec leant around him to get the box that was sat behind him. He shivered as he felt Alec’s breath on the base of his neck and fought the urge to moan. As Alec slowly moved back Magnus couldn’t pull his eyes away from his lips; the need to kiss him overwhelming. Magnus didn’t know who started to lean in first but soon they were mere inches apart. Unconsciously, Magnus licked his lips. He looked up into Alec’s eyes seeing the same hunger, and just a hint of nerves, that he felt.

Just as their noses touched gently, a cloud of cocoa powder erupted in between the pair. Alec backed up suddenly, coughing as he inhaled sharply. Once the coughing fit ended and the cloud settled Alec forced his eyes down, finding the floor very interesting all of a sudden. Anything so that he wouldn’t have to look at Magnus and face his humiliation.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered quietly, cursing his perpetual awkwardness. He heard a small laugh and couldn’t help but look up at the man in question. Magnus was covered in the light brown powder, it had settled in his hair and on the front of his pyjamas. What started as a small laugh was now Magnus crying and holding his stomach as he laughed so hard Alec thought he might fall off the counter. Calming down for a moment Magnus looked at Alec and smiled,

“I’m sorry Alexander, I’m not laughing at you. It’s just…I’ve been wanting to do this for so long and we’re finally about to and then…” Magnus starts laughing again, not able to control himself. Alec, however, stood there with his eyes wide, staring at the older boy in front of him. Without even a second of thought Alec had crossed the kitchen and pressed himself between Magnus’ legs. He grasped the back of Magnus’ neck and pulled him forwards to kiss him hard, swallowing the moan that escaped Magnus’ lips. Magnus froze for a second before relaxing into the kiss, his arms circling Alec’s hips pulling him closer. Running his tongue over Magnus’ bottom lip, Alec deepened the kiss and let his hand play with the hair at the nape of Magnus’ neck.

They were kissing for what could have minutes or hours before they separated, resting their foreheads together. They were both catching their breath, enjoying being close to one another, neither knowing what to say and scared of breaking the moment.

Magnus pulled away just slightly, still close enough that their noses were almost touching. He opened this mouth to speak but nothing came out. Smiling softly he gave Alec a small kiss on the tip of his nose and rested his head on the taller boy’s shoulder, his arms still circling his hips, Alec’s hand still playing with his hair.