#I just feel like annie can do weird gross tricks you know? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mego42 · 4 years

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i totally agree with you about annie and rio being bi, so i thought if you wanted to, maybe you could write a fic about them talking about their common experience. i would love more sibling in law camaraderie! but i feel like the only way rio could truly be that vulnerable is if he were high. would love to read about them high together! thank you in advance! #highwhilebi

Oh my god, anon, I wish you could have seen my face when this came in because yes.

I hope you don’t mind, but I’m taking this as an opportunity to also write a little something for @nickmillerscaulk because she is the actual best and it’s literally the least I can do to say thank you.

I hope you both enjoy 💖

“Where’s your sister?”

Rio straight up, like, materializes in the kitchen, startling the fuck out of Annie and making her drop the chip bowl she’s refilling.

“Jesus, fuck,” she says, scooping a handful of potato chips off the floor. Five-second rule, right? Besides, Beth keeps the floors clean enough to eat off of. Literally. “You should wear a bell.”

He doesn’t answer and for a second Annie thinks—hopes?—maybe he’s disappeared as silently as he appeared. But, when she looks up he’s still there, staring at her and the floor chips, clearly horrified.

Feeling thoroughly judged, Annie belligerently pops a chip in her mouth, gratified when his look of horror intensifies.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, chewing noisily just to be obnoxious and tossing the rest of the handful in the trash. Yeah, fine, it’s gross.

“Where’s your sister?” Rio asks again, ignoring her question.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Annie retorts, grabbing some salsa out of the fridge.

She realizes that it’s probably unwise to taunt the crimelord in her sister’s kitchen, but it’s not like anyone would ever accuse her of being wise. Which is kind of annoying, actually, because she is in many ways, but it goes unappreciated.

Besides, it’s not like he’s going to do anything to her. She likes to think it’s because in the past year since he and Beth have stopped actively trying to kill each other, Annie and Rio have become...not friends, but cordial enough that she hopes killing her would at least be awkward.

Except, she’s not stupid. He runs a gang for Pete’s sake, awkwardness is not a barrier to him, you know, taking care of business. The real reason Annie’s relatively sure he isn’t going to do anything to her is Beth. Annie’s perfectly safe as long as he wants to keep doing whatever it is he’s doing with her sister.

It gives her the shivers, honestly. She can’t believe Beth—Beth—is into it, him. The whole situation is so weird.

Annie gathers up her snacks and supplies and heads back to the couch and TV, dumping it all on the ottoman Judith had sent over ages ago that’s still serving as a makeshift coffee table. Beth had finally started replacing her furniture—that Rio stole. And that’s another thing, they have the weirdest foreplay Annie’s ever seen, and that’s saying something given some of the people she’s hooked up with—but was doing it slowly.

The couch was one of the first big pieces she’d bought before even a bed. Which is another weird thing, actually, given that Beth’s finally getting some on the regular. You’d think she’d want someplace more comfortable than an air mattress to—

Annie sits bolt upright, feet flying off the ottoman, nearly upending the salsa and chip bowl. Oh god, is this their sex couch?

Her eyes fly to Rio, still hovering like an awkward lurker by the kitchen door, glaring like it’s somehow Annie’s fault that Beth’s not here. Which is rich, him holding anything against her, when she’s the one over here sitting on the sex couch.

Oh, fuck it, she thinks, dropping back onto the cushions. It’s not the grossest thing she’s ever sat on by a mile.

“I don’t know when she’ll be back, she ran out to help Ruby with some church play costume emergency,” Annie relents, fishing around for the remote. “I can tell her you came by, or you can hang out, whatever, just stop hovering. It’s creepy.”

She crows, triumphant when she retrieves the remote, but it ends in a squeak as he sits down on the other end of the couch. She’d invited him to stay because that’s what people do, she didn’t think he’d take her up on it.

But, okay, sure, he’s here. The scary-ass gang banger her sister’s boning until the cow’s come home is chillin’ with Annie on an ugly ass floral couch Beth picked up at the ReStore, thumbing through his phone like this is all perfectly fine and normal.

Annie never wanted her life to be predictable, but this is a left turn she never saw coming.

Shrugging to herself, Annie hits play and dips a chip into the salsa. Nothing left to do but lean into it, apparently.

“M’watching Shitt’s Creek, by the way,” she says around a mouthful of salt and tomatoes, bizarrely satisfied when he looks over at her with a pained expression. “It’s about this family—”

“Yeah, I fuck with it,” he says, looking back at his phone as he casually upends Annie’s mental picture of him and what he’s into like it’s nothing.

“You do not,” she says, crunching down on another chip for strength.

“What?” His eyes flick over to her. “It’s good shit.”

“I know that,” she says. “It just doesn’t seem like, you know.” She waves in his general vicinity. “Your thing.”

“Yeah, well,” he shrugs, going back to his phone. “What’s that sayin’ ‘bout judgin’ books by their covers?”

Which, ouch. Annie doesn’t judge. Okay, so she judges but not like that. She knows better than anyone how deceiving appearances can be.

She digs around in her purse for her bowl and her weed. The whole situation is way too surreal for sobriety without being called out for being shallow and judgmental by her sister’s crime husband.

He raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything when she pulls out her pipe. Not until she packs it and pulls out her lighter.

“You sure you should be doin’ that in here?” he asks, which is just—no.

“Okay, first of all,” she starts, waving a hand in his face. “I don’t care what you guys get up to, you do not get to tell me what to do in my sister’s house. Ask Deansie how that worked out for him.”

He smirks a little, and Annie can’t help grinning back. What can she say? Deansie sucks ass, and she appreciates anyone who recognizes that.

“Second,” she continues, calmer now. “He’s got the kids for the week, so there’s plenty of time for the smell to dissipate. I brought a candle.”

“Besides—” Now it’s her turn to smirk. “It’s not like there’s all that much furniture to absorb the smell.”

Rio laughs at that, bobbing his head in acknowledgment of her point, and Annie squirms a little, pleased at his approval and annoyed that she’s pleased.

“Now shut up and let me watch my show.”

She hits the bowl a few times, loving the warm, loose feeling that spreads in her head. It’s too bad Beth won’t smoke with her, it’d do wonders for that stick in her ass. Though, who knows, maybe she likes the stick. Beth’s a total fucking mystery to her these days.

Annie laughs a little to herself, and Rio looks over, curious.

“Want some?” She asks, offering him the bowl and lighter. She isn’t expecting him to take her up on it. If nothing else, he seems more like a joints or blunts than glass kind of guy. But she is apparently entirely shit at predicting anything about him because he takes it from her and lights up, smooth and easy like he’s had plenty of practice.

They smoke in silence for a bit, passing the bowl back and forth until it’s tapped, and Annie’s feeling pretty warm and fuzzy. She grabs the chips and salsa, moving them to the couch between them for easier reach before snuggling back into the cushions. She nudges the potato chip bowl at him, dipping one into the salsa and popping it in her mouth.

“What?” She asks at the look he gives her. “It’s good. People act like you can only dip tortilla chips in salsa, but really they just lack vision.”

He shrugs and grabs a chip. The satisfied hum he lets out when he tries it makes Annie downright giddy after all of the shit Beth and Ruby give her over her weird condiment and food combos.

“You know what else is good?” She asks, recognizing a kindred spirit and lowering her voice conspiratorially. “Syrup on potatoes.”

He dunks another chip and chews slowly as he considers her insight.

“Yeah, I could see it,” he says after a long moment.

“My man!” Annie shouts, throwing up a hand for a high five and nearly upending the snacks.

He laughs, and for a second, Annie thinks he’s going to leave her hanging which, unsurprising but a little disappointing, she can’t lie. But then he raises a hand and taps it to hers.

It’s probably the weed, but it feels like she won something and makes her absurdly happy. She turns back to the tv, smiling a little wider when she sees Rio pocket his phone and settle back out of the corner of her eye.

They watch a few episodes mostly in companionable silence, sharing the chips and occasionally cracking up, and it’s...weirdly nice? Like hanging out with a friend which is a total mind fuck to be entirely honest.

She doesn’t know if it’s the weed or the weird level of comfortable they’ve inexplicably achieved, but he must be feeling it too. It’s the only possible explanation for what happens next.

“Gooood,” Annie groans, slouching down a little on the couch and pressing a throw pillow over her face.

“Hmmm?” Rio’s pretty boneless himself, the second rotation seems to have done the trick.

“I just, I can’t even look at them,” she says, waving a hand towards the screen where Ted and Alexis are having a moment. “It’s too much concentrated hotness.”

She flings the pillow away, realizing after she let go that she’d more or less thrown it straight at his head, but he lazily bats it down on his lap, so that’s fine then.

“You ever have that? That thing where someone is just like, too hot, and it ruins your life a little?” Not waiting for an answer, Annie studies the tv. “Alexis more than Ted for sure, but I would gladly bone down with either of them in a heartbeat. Fuck, I forgot how horny weed makes me.”

It’s like her brain catches up with her mouth all at once, and she freezes, replaying everything that’s just come out of her mouth.

“Okay, for the record, I know how that sounded, and I was not hitting on you,” she says, staring straight ahead and blushing so hard it feels like her entire face is on fire. “I want to be extremely clear on that.”

She hears this sort of wheezing sound and seriously wonders for a second if she just freaked out so hard she burst something. But when she darts a glance to the side, she sees Rio’s got a hand over his face, shoulders shaking, and she realizes the wheezing noise is him. Laughing at her.

Like, really laughing. Nearly helpless with it, honestly.

It’s so unexpected, so different from how she’s ever seen him, it snaps her all the way out of her embarrassment. She literally feels her jaw drop, which is something she always kind of thought only happened in like, tv shows.

And he just keeps laughing, it’s like once he started, he can’t stop. After a minute, Annie shrugs and goes back to watching the show, helping herself to more chips and trying to remember if she’d seen any of those mini pizzas in the freezer.

Eventually, Rio calms down, dropping his hand, and Annie glances over, attention caught by the movement, and he’s smiling at her kind of fond and shit, which is weird but also weirdly nice? She feels like she could get used to him liking her. Maybe even like him back a little. He’s pretty chill when he’s not like, threatening people with guns and death and stuff.

He’s got good taste in tv, anyway. Snacks too.

“So, Ted and Alexis, huh?” he asks and, right. What with the unexpected giggle fit she forgot she kind of came out to him.

“Yeah, you know,” Annie gestures at the screen, a little apprehensive. It’s been so long since she’s explained her sexuality to anyone. She’s totally chill with it, but she forgot that squirmy little edge that comes with saying it out loud no matter how little she cares what the other person thinks of her. “I like the wine, not the label.”

But Rio just nods, like it’s a foregone conclusion. “Yeah, I figured that part, I meant that’s what does it for you?”

“I mean, not that it’s any of your business,” Annie says, electing to ignore the fact that she started this. “But yes—wait, what do you mean you figured?”

“The jumpsuits and shit,” he says, frowning like it’s obvious.

Which like, yeah, she dresses to advertise sometimes, but the assumption gets under her skin.

“That’s ridiculous,” she shoots back. “How would you like it if I just, you know, called you out for your gigantic bisexual nose piercing?”

He’s smiling at her again, that sort of fond, sort of amused, sort of I-know-something-that-you-don’t smile that’s really fucking obnoxious, to be honest. She absolutely zero percent understands Beth’s thing with him, he’s so—and then the other shoe drops.

“Oh my god, wait, you’re…?” Annie trails off, not wanting to assume a label.

“Yeah, I guess I—” Rio pauses and squints at her like he’s trying to decide something. “I like a few different types of wine.”

“No shit,” Annie breathes. “Does Beth know?”

Not that it would matter to Beth, obviously, Annie just really loves the idea of knowing something about her sister’s boyfr—no, fuck buddy? Please, like Beth would have anything that crass, she probably thinks of him as her lover, the nerd—that Beth doesn’t.

Rio just looks at her though, eyebrow raised and fine; apparently boundaries are still a thing. Or so he thinks, he doesn’t know how persistent she can be yet.

“Whatever,” she says, putting the chips and salsa back on the ottoman before turning full body towards him, tucking a foot up on the couch and plopping the remaining throw pillow in her lap to lean on. “So, do you feel me on Ted and Alexis? Who’s your type?”

He huffs a laugh, closing his eyes and scrubbing a hand over his face like he’s already regretting saying anything.

“Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell meeeeee,” Annie whines, nudging him in the leg with her toe. “You might as well get it over with, I’m not going to stop.”

“I like—” Rio cracks an eye at her, looking her up and down, and Annie does her best to look trustworthy and supportive. “Patrick.”

Annie’s jaw drops, again. “Darkhorse pick, man! I did not see that coming.”

His shoulders bunch up, and he starts to sit up, so Annie thumps him with the pillow until he settles back down. “No, no, it’s great, I love it.”

She stops, cocking her head and studying him. “That actually makes a bizarre amount of sense. He’s got that same bouncy, wholesome, fuck-with-my-people-and-I-will-end-you-but-politely vibe as my sister, now that I think about it.”

Rio frowns like that’s something he hadn’t considered before, and Annie’s absurdly pleased to have upended his mental equilibrium this time.

“Damn, gang friend,” she says, grinning wide. “I think we’re having a moment. I will be honest, I did not see this coming.”

He laughs again, sort of reluctant like he doesn’t want to, but Annie can see a little bit of a genuine smile teasing around the edges of his mouth.

“Admit it,” she says, poking him with her toe again. “You like me.”

He rolls his eyes, dropping his head on the back of the couch and looking at her. “Don’t push it, yeah?”

“Fine, fine,” she says, turning back to face the tv. “I’ll let it go for now.”

They watch in silence for a minute before Annie gets an idea and has to forcibly tamp down on her grin. She starts to hum a little under her breath, getting a little louder when she sees him look at her out of the corner of his eye.

“You’re simply the best,” she sings, collapsing into giggles when he smacks her with the pillow she’d flung at him earlier.

***

“What the hell happened here?”

Annie nearly kicks the plate of crumbs—the only evidence of the mini pizza feast she’d made them—off the ottoman as she startles awake to find Beth standing in front of the couch, hands on her hips.

Her face is flickering as she tries to look stern but clearly wants to smile, and Annie realizes she’d passed out with her face against Rio’s shoulder and—oh god, she’d been drooling on it.

She shoves off of him abruptly, wiping her chin and sticking her tongue out at him when he grins at her.

“Nothing,” Anie says, opening and closing her mouth like it will help clear the moss that’s grown all over it while she slept. “Just watching tv.”

“Oh yeah? You’re friends now?” Beth asks, failing to hide the hopeful lilt to her voice like they’ve given her a birthday present or some shit.

“Yeah, I mean, what can I say?” Annie glances at Rio with a shrug. “He’s better than all the rest.”

She cracks up all over again when he pushes her off the couch.

#good girls fic #rio + annie #brio fic #kind of that tag feels like cheating tbh #nbc good girls #fic prompts #asks #anon #my fic #bless you anon this was so much fun

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paperanddice · 4 years

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Tears of the Crocodile God Part 4

Statues in Stasis

My alternate setup for area 6 is more standard to the immediate suspicion of the room, but means that more of the shields are likely to come into play, and that’s to simply have the statues animate and wield the shields themselves. Some of the shields would need some change to their effect to ensure that they always target the attacker instead of the wielder, but putting those on the monsters means that there’s a higher chance of them activating.

The next issue comes from making sure that the characters can’t just snipe the monsters from outside the room before they activate, and prevent them from just huddling in the doorway. A mechanism for that is to put the statues into a form of stasis until a creature spends a full minute in the room, at which point a number of them activate depending on how many creatures are present. Keeps the challenge properly in line with the number of players, and means that it’s highly unlikely that they’ll be able to easily huddle in a single doorway behind the highest AC members. While in stasis the monsters don’t take any damage from attacks, so shooting and fireballing them doesn’t do anything.

5th Edition

For a 5e version, my two runs used slightly different monster setups. The first was a small number of helmed horrors, the second a large number of slightly boosted animated armor. I feel like a better version would be a combination of the two, using the animated armors to hem in characters while a smaller number of elite helmed horrors use flight to get to vulnerable targets. Both may be a little low leveled compared to the party, but the effects of the shields will help change the tides of the fight a bit, as every missed attack against them has the potential for serious consequences. Give the animated armor +2 AC as long as they keep their shield, and reflavor the helmed horrors’ attacks as a slam instead of a longsword, and there isn’t even a visible difference between them until some start flying and are revealed to have resistances and better hp. Or be fairer and have some kind of distinction the players can recognize once they activate, like the horrors glowing or something. That’s really the better option unless you’re very close with your players and they trust you when you pull some tricks like that, but letting them waste a powerful and limited ability on an animated armor they think has helmed horror stats could be quite frustrating.

13th Age

I don’t know of any really conveniently leveled statues I could really easily slot in to this encounter, and adding some of the spellshatter shield effects to a monster built to function without them could bump up the difficulty a bit more than intended, so I’ll have to customize a few for it.

Child Statue 4th level troop [construct] Initiative +4 Heavy punch +9 vs. AC - 13 damage [special trigger] Spellshatter shield - Make ONE spellshatter shield attack. The statue’s shield disintegrates and it takes a -2 penalty to AC and PD. Limited use: 1/battle, as a free action when an enemy misses the statue with a melee attack and rolls a natural odd attack roll. Collect shield: As a quick action, the statue can equip an unused shield, recharging its spellshatter shield attack and gaining a +2 bonus to AC and PD. AC 21 PD 19 MD 14 HP 55

Empowered Child Statue 5th level blocker [construct] Initiative: +5 Shockingly heavy punch +10 vs. AC - 10 damage plus 5 lightning damage [special trigger] Shatterspell shield - Make ONE shatterspell shield attack. The statue’s shield disintegrates and it takes a -2 penalty to AC and PD. Limited use: 1/battle, as a free action when an enemy misses the statue with a melee attack and rolls a natural odd attack roll or when the statue uses intercept strike. Intercept strike: If a creature engaged with the statue hits another creature with a melee attack, the statue can negate all damage and effects of that attack and immediately make a shatterspell shield attack against the attacking creature as a free action. Collect shield: As a quick action, the statue can equip an unused shield, recharging its spellshatter shield attack and gaining a +2 bonus to AC and PD. AC 22 PD 20 MD 15 HP 75

Teenager Statue 7th level leader [construct] Initiative: +7 Shatterspell punch +12 vs. AC - 25 damage and all nearby statues have +2 to spellshatter shield attacks until the end of the statue’s next turn. Natural 16+: One nearby child statue’s shield reforms if it has been used. The statue recharges its spellshatter shield attack and gains +2 AC and PD. [Special trigger] Spellshatter shield - Make ONE spellshatter shield attack. The statue’s shield disintegrates and it takes a -2 penalty to AC and PD. Limited use: 1/battle, as a free action when an enemy misses the statue with a melee attack and rolls a natural odd attack roll. Collect shield: As a quick action, the statue can equip an unused shield, recharging its spellshatter shield attack and gaining a +2 bonus to AC and PD. AC 24 PD 22 MD 17 HP 110

Hag’s Lair

Statting up Old Beshebra and her sons shouldn’t be too significant of an issue in either system. Beshebra is a modification of one of the standard hag stat blocks, just designed to be a bit filthier and to tie her to her sons a bit more, and the sons themselves are a bunch of big brutes.

5th Edition

None of the released hags in the Monster Manual or Volo’s Guide fit perfectly with Beshebra, but given her shapeshifting and focus on claws the green hag is a good starting point. I used a night hag in my runs just to save time, but that really meant her primary action in both combats was to magic missile from a mud pit rather than actually engage the party, so I’ll level up a green hag, add some gross effects and the son related powers, and we’ve got our filth hag.

Old Beshebra Medium fey, neutral evil Armor Class 18 (natural armor) Hit Points 110 (13d8 + 52) Speed 30 ft. Str 24 (+7) Dex 20 (+5) Con 19 (+4) Int 15 (+2) Wis 13 (+1) Cha 17 (+3) Skills Deception +6, Stealth +8 Senses passive Perception 11 Languages Common, Draconic, Sylvan Challenge 6 (2300 XP) Devour Offspring. As a bonus action, Old Beshebra deals 15 damage to one of her sons within 25 feet of her. She regains 10 hit points. Earth Walk. Difficult terrain composed of rock, mud or similar surfaces doesn't cost Old Beshebra extra movement. Stench. Any creature that starts its turn within 5 feet of Old Beshebra must succeed on a DC 15 Constitution saving throw or be poisoned until the start of its next turn. On a successful saving throw, the creature is immune to Old Beshebra's Stench for 24 hours. Actions Filthy Claws. Melee Weapon Attack: +10 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 16 (2d8+7) slashing damage. If the target is a creature, it must succeed on a DC 15 Constitution saving throw or contract a disease. Until the disease is cured, the target can't regain hit points except by magical means, and the target's hit point maximum decreases by 10 (3d6) every 24 hours. If the target's hit point maximum drops to 0 as a result of this disease, the target dies. Change Shape. Old Beshebra magically polymorphs into a Small or Medium female humanoid, or back into her true form. Any equipment she is wearing or carrying isn't transformed. She reverts to her true form if she dies. Goad Son. Old Beshebra targets one filth hag son she can see within 30 feet of her. If the target can see or hear her, the target can use its reaction to make one melee attack roll with advantage.

As for the sons, a slightly modified shambling mound was the quick and effective solution. Just describe them as including crocodile and human bones and parts within them and you’ve got a filth hag son. Give the hag son the following additional abilities.

The son can understand Old Beshebra but can’t speak. New ability: Son’s Ire. If Old Beshebra is below 55 hit points, and the son can see or hear her within 100 feet, the son has advantage on all attack rolls. New reaction: Silent Fury (Recharge 5-6). If a hostile creature within 20 feet of the son hits Old Beshebra with an attack, the son can move up to its speed and make a slam attack against the triggering creature.

13th Age

The Bestiary has hags in it, and by great fortune they’re at just the right level for our adventure. The main thing is just to pick out the appropriate hag abilities and death curse to inflict upon the party. It may be a bit more work, but I’m actually inclined to give Beshebra a slightly different loadout of abilities depending on how the party encounters her. As a default, weakening touch seems appropriate. Disease, filth, and a deadly touch. If they’re slow and Syere falls victim to the hag, then the Annis skin ability is entirely appropriate, but otherwise she’s not going to be luring them in at all. In that case something like foul-touched may be a good second choice, reflecting what living in a literal pit of toxic mud does to a person. It’s not good. As for the death curse, how about something like, “You came to me and spilled my blood, your boots will always fill with mud.” Frustrating, weird, but not necessarily damaging. Seems to fit the bill.

As an extra skill, the hag could get the following ability: Devour offspring: As a quick action, Old Beshebra deals 20 damage to a nearby filth hag son and regains 15 hit points.

This keeps Beshebra in the fight a little bit longer, but doesn’t extend the length of the entire fight, since the total damage dealt goes up. Of course the hag would be fine with sacrificing her minions.

The sons are best done with a fully customized monster, as nothing in the SRD I’ve found fits for what I’d want. There’s no immediately obvious shambling mound analogue, and most of the monsters around the same level don’t quite fit. The Flowers of Unlife from 13 True Ways were an idea I had, but I don’t think they quite fit.

Filth Hag Son 6th level blocker [plant] Initiative: +5 Putrid Slam +10 vs. AC - 10 damage and 10 poison damage Natural 16+: The target is stuck and hampered (save ends both). [Special trigger] C: Furious tackle +10 vs. PD (one nearby enemy) - The target pops free of any creatures it is engaged with, is engaged with the son, and is stuck and hampered (save ends both). Limited use: 1/round, as an interrupt action when a nearby enemy hits Old Beshebra with an attack. The son can either make a disengage check to try to move to attack the enemy, or move to attack the enemy and only take half damage from opportunity attacks. AC 23 PD 21 MD 14 HP 90

That’s it for the monster discussion for these encounters. Next time I’ll discuss the Mold King’s Crown, the Chained Hydra, and the Mimic’s Parlor. One of those will be relatively easy, the other two much less so. Mold King’s Crown will be one of the most work intensive encounters in the adventure, with the number of hazards and mechanics around the monsters within it. Fortunately, half of that will come in a different post so I can focus on one part at a time.

#D&D #DnD #Dungeons and Dragons #5th Edition #13th Age #Adventure #Tears of the Crocodile God #my homebrew #monster

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thedollarcrate · 5 years

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50 Best Albums (That I Own on Vinyl) of the Decade

It’s hard to comprehend how much transpires over the course of a decade or wrap your head around how long (or short) of time that really is.

But what better way to try than to make a list!

Now, I know “Best of” lists like this one are inherently subjective – and probably say more about their maker’s preferences than actually reflecting the best music released in a particular time period. And, I’ll be the first to admit that the list below is incredibly limited, and that I need to widen my exposure to more artists and genres.

But hey, this is all in fun.

So feel free to debate, pick apart or share your own favorite albums from the past decade. But before you dive in, just a few quick points for context:

-I only ranked albums I actually own on vinyl released between 2010 and 2019, which limited my choices to about 170 records.

-I only ranked new music released this past decade, so no reissues or older material released for the first time (sorry Prince’s Piano & A Microphone and Originals).

-I first started buying vinyl around ’09-’10 and started off purchasing mostly new releases before my habits shifted and I started looking for older records. This shows in the list below – nearly a quarter of the albums below were released in 2010 and almost 70% from the first half of the decade.

And we’re off…

50. Centipede Hz, Animal Collective (2012)

Let’s be honest, it was impossible for Animal Collective to top a universally acclaimed and era-defining album – and it was unfair to expect them to. But maybe the continuous onslaught of bizarre and eclectic music found on Centipede Hz was just what we needed after all.

49. Singles, Future Islands (2014)

So much more than Sam Herring’s pelvis busting dance moves and “Seasons (Waiting On You),” every track on Singlesbursts with life and heart pumping energy. To quote Letterman: I’ll take all of that you got.

48. Paul’s Tomb: A Triumph, Frog Eyes (2010)

I don’t think I’ll ever understand Carey Mercer’s lyrics, but I’m certain I’ll never tire of getting lost in his hidden words and knotty melodies.

47. Leaving Atlanta, Gentleman Jesse (2012)

Thirty seven minutes of Pure Power Pop Perfection (note the capital “Ps”).

46. Burst Apart, The Antlers (2011)

If there’s another album with a song titled “Putting the Dog to Sleep” that is as haunting and beautiful as this one, I don’t want to know about it.

45. Carrion Crawler/The Dream, Thee Oh Sees (2011)

With John Dwyer churning out record after record in the ‘10s, it should come as no surprise that at least one landed on this list (and they’re all great). Garage rock. Surf rock. Post-punk rock. Psych rock. Noise rock. Rock rock. I don’t care what you call it, Thee Oh Sees put the pedal to the metal on Carrion Crawler/The Dream, taking you for a wild ride that never lets up.

44. 1989, Taylor Swift (2014)

Irresistibly catchy, everyone needs to satisfy their pop sweet tooth every now and then. 1989 is so sugary, it might just give you a cavity or two.

43. City Music, Kevin Morby (2017)

The city. The countryside. A beach. Aboard a train. At the pearly gates. It doesn’t matter where you listen to City Music because Kevin Morby’s jams will immediately transport you to your own laid back, happy place.

42. Remind Me Tomorrow, Sharon Van Etten (2019)

You’ll regret it if you keep waiting to listen this powerhouse – and powerful – synth-soaked record.

41. You Want It Darker, Leonard Cohen (2016)

It doesn’t get much darker, bleaker or sparse than this, but I wouldn’t want it any other way from the masterful Leonard Cohen.

40. American Dream, LCD Soundsystem (2017)

Retirement never sounded so good.

39. Capacity, Big Thief (2017)

Quietly captivating, mesmerizing and elegant, Big Thief knock you out without you even realizing it.

38. St. Vincent, St. Vincent (2014)

Annie Clark’s shapeshifting album won’t only shred your face off, it somehow makes you feel smarter, too.

37. Before Today, Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti (2010)

So, so weird and so, so good.

36. Expo 86, Wolf Parade (2010)

Like #50, Wolf Parade might always live in the shadow and expectations of a towering classic, yet somehow Spencer Krug and Dan Boeckner still continually craft eccentric and bombastic rock albums. Expo 86 is no exception, and it is an underrated classic in its own right.

35. Golden Hour, Kacey Musgraves (2018)

Like a sunset or sunrise, Golden Hour radiates beauty and warmth with each of its glowing tracks.

34. Yuck, Yuck (2011)

Despite their name and its hideous album cover, there’s nothing gross about Yuck’s infectious indie rock.

33. Play It Strange, The Fresh & Onlys (2010)

I once saw The Fresh & Onlys play at a tiny club in D.C. It might’ve been the loudest show I’ve ever been to – my ears rang for days. This record is just as rollicking, hazy and good as that show was loud.

32. Natalie Prass, Natalie Prass (2015)

There’s a reason “Welcome to 1979” is stamped in tiny letters on this vinyl’s inner ring – it’s silky smooth, filled with impeccable soft ballads and finely tuned jams – and just a tinge of funk.

31. I Am Easy To Find, The National (2019)

Few bands matched the consistent output of quality albums in the ‘10s as The National. They had one heck of a run, and I Am Easy To Find was a fascinating way to end it – a 21st rock album that felt more complex and expansive than anything they’d done before.

30. Melodrama, Lorde (2018)

Everything a pop record should be and then some – bold, breathtaking and exuberant.

29. Just Enough Hip To Be Woman, Broncho (2014)

If you can’t tell from its playful title, this pop rock album wants nothing more than to have fun – and it succeeds on every level.

28. Avi Buffalo, Avi Buffalo (2010)

Sometimes all you want is a light, sunny and meandering album to wash over you and get lost in, and this one will do the trick every time.

27. Hippies, Harlem (2010)

Imagine a band practicing inside a garage inside a garage inside another garage and you’ve got Harlem. This is garage rock to the max – and at its rambunctious best.

26. Puberty 2, Mitski (2016)

It’s hard to describe Puberty 2. Sure, it might sound like simple dreamy indie rock, but it ebbs and flows in unexpected ways that leaves you guessing where it’s heading next.

25. mbv, My Bloody Valentine (2013)

Picking up right where they left off – even if it was more than a decade later – My Bloody Valentine reminded everyone why they are the masters of reverb soaked shoegaze.

24. A Moon Shaped Pool, Radiohead (2016)

Even after all these years and albums, Radiohead still found a way to reinvent themselves and push the boundaries of rock music – and our expectations of them. With gorgeous arrangements and slow-burning, tension filled tracks, AMSP proves that even Radiohead can still take risks – and proves rock bands can make quiet, intimate songs sound epic. Oh yeah, and it has “True Love Waits.”

23. Art Angels, Grimes (2015)

Grimes gave us the future of pop music before most could even envision it. This laid the groundwork for all the challenging and intricate – and danceable – pop music that would follow. And it still sounds ahead of its time.

22. Meet Me At The Muster Station, PS I Love You (2010)

The first sounds out of Paul Saulnier’s mouth on Meet Me At The Munster Station aren’t words at all but two short, ecstatic yelps. And this same boundless energy and passion bleeds through on every fuzzy, raucous second of every track. Did I mention there’s a song called “Butterflies & Boners”?

21. More Than Any Other Day, Ought (2014)

You really ought to listen to Ought if you aren’t already. Tim Darcy and co. sound a bit uneasy, paranoid and self-aware, but they make the most minute challenges sound so exhilarating and life-altering – even the struggle deciding between two percent and whole milk at the grocery store.

20. Lemonade, Beyoncé (2017)

All hail Queen Bey.

19. Twin-Hand Movement, Lower Dens (2010)

This album sounds like 2 am on a dark, rainy Saturday night – in the best way imaginable.

18. Tomboy, Panda Bear (2011)

You can always count on Panda Bear to make hypnotic, loopy electronic music sound so breezy and effortless.

17. Modern Vampires Of The City, Vampire Weekend (2013)

I don’t know why, but I want to dislike Vampire Weekend so much. But that’s impossible when their music is so damn good and every note sounds so neat and perfect.

16. Past Life Martyred Saints, EMA (2011)

Just do yourself and listen to this album please.

15. The Archandroid, Janelle Monáe (2010)

Blending too many genres to count, this is what I imagine music sounds like in space.

14. Carrie & Lowell, Sufjan Stevens (2015)

I’ll let you know how I feel about this one after I stop crying.

13. The Suburbs, Arcade Fire (2010)

It’s everything you either love or hate about Arcade Fire. Grand, sincere and sweeping rock that swings for the fences with every guitar chord, drumbeat and horn blast. I love it.

12. Silence Yourself, Savages (2013)

Savages grab you by the throat and never let go – this is one intense album.

11. Helplessness Blues, Fleet Foxes (2011)

This might be the epitome of ‘10s indie rock – and for good reason. Introspective, sensitive and searching for some greater meaning, Robin Pecknold holds nothing back and lays it all out on Helplessness Blues.

10. Kaputt, Destroyer (2011)

Dan Bejar is an enigma and seemingly reluctant rock star. I saw him perform an acoustic set where he spent a majority of the time playing with his back towards the audience (although in fairness, it was at a free outdoor show on a college campus with people mostly chatting obnoxiously over him), and yet it’s as if his creativity requires him to constantly release new albums and show them off. Kaputt is as equally strange and mysterious – and just as creative – as its maker.

9. Black Star, David Bowie (2016)

Take away the heartbreaking circumstances surrounding this album’s release and it would still be in the top tier of David Bowie’s extensive catalogue. Experimenting until the very end, Bowie morphed into something entirely new one last time. Part jazz, part rock and part I’m not sure what you would call it, the results were once again out of this world. He couldn’t give it all away, but we’re sure thankful for what he could.

8. Bon Iver, Bon Iver (2011)

Shedding the cabin in the woods vibe, Justin Vernon took a giant leap forward with Bon Iver and made ‘80s soft rock popular.

7. Celebration Rock, Japandroids (2012)

Perhaps the most aptly named album on this list, no other album exudes the joy of making music and rocking out with your buddy than this one. It’s hard to believe all that noise and energy comes from just two people.

6. Burn Your Fire For No Witness, Angel Olsen (2014)

Angel Olsen’s hypnotic and seductive vocals, lyrics and guitar suck you in immediately, mesmerizing you from the first gentle strums to the peaks and valleys of “Lights Out” and “Stars” all the way to the closer’s pulsing drumbeats and majestic piano.

5. Black Messiah, D'Angelo And The Vanguard (2015)

Oozing with cool, sexy and confident R&B funk, D’Angelo returned after 14 years with an instant soul masterpiece.

4. The Monitor, Titus Andronicus (2010)

It says a lot when a band can a.) make an hour plus punk rock record b.) loosely base it on the Civil War c.) quote Abraham Lincoln d.) close it out with a 14 minute track inspired by a famous naval battle and e.) still make you want to listen to it over and over and over again.

3. Lost In The Dream, The War On Drugs (2014)

The rare album that can feel vast and ambitious and yet deeply private and personal all at once. You really will get lost in these soaring songs.

2. Halcyon Digest, Deerhunter (2010)

At times perfectly melodic and structured and at others feeling on the brink of falling apart, Halcyon Digest is a paradox – sounding peaceful, bright and idyllic while also peering over the edge into something darker. This is a remarkable record from a remarkable band. If not for the abrupt end to the darkly beautiful closer “He Would Have Laughed,” Halcyon Digest sounds like it could go on forever.

1. Let England Shake, PJ Harvey (2011)

A stunning, thought-provoking, and moving – not to mention endlessly listenable – transcendent piece of art about life and the Great War. PJ Harvey doesn’t hold back on the brutality and absurdity of armed conflict, and the album’s devastating closing track – “The Colour of the Earth” – will linger in your mind long after the record stops spinning. As powerful today as it was eight years ago, this album will remain timely and important for years – and decades – to come.

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darriness · 5 years

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Fic - Like You Wanna Be Loved 4/16

Author: darriness

Word Count: 1485

Summary: A conversation

Author’s Note: Happy Mother's Day! Another chapter today! This one is on the smaller side anyway so it makes sense. Who knows...maybe I'll update two times a day on Sundays and Wednesdays...hmmmm. More on Wednesday either way! Thanks to @darrenismydarcy

AO3 Link

As it turns out, finding an opportunity to talk to Blaine on Monday morning is surprisingly easy.

Kurt gets to school earlier than usual after his dad had asked him to drive him to work (who needs to be at work at seven in the morning? Gross) so when he wanders into homeroom, figuring he’ll study a little more for his math test that day, he assumes he’ll be alone. Only teachers and cheerleaders are ever at school this early.

Except Kurt’s not alone. He pulls up short in the door when he finds Blaine sitting at one of the lab tables, hunched over papers in front of him, writing furiously.

Kurt looks around as if expecting everyone else in his homeroom to magically show up before thinking maybe he should just back out and pretend he was never here.

He doesn’t get the option to do that as Blaine looks up from his work with a concentrated scowl on his face before his eyes grow big and his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

Kurt gives an embarrassed smile and small wave, “Hi.” He says.

“Hi.” Blaine breathes, laying his pen on the table.

“You look busy. I can just...sit quietly and study. You won’t even know I’m here.” Kurt says, “Or I could leave?” He suggests, pointing behind himself, “Sorry to have, uh, interrupted.”

Blaine shakes his head, “You aren’t interrupting.” He says, “You have just as much right to be here as I do. You’re welcome to stay. You know...if you want.”

Kurt nods and smiles again before making his way further into the room, “This stool taken?” He asks, gesturing to the one next to the other boy. He surprises himself with his forwardness and the line, but he figures sitting across the room from someone who he assumes he’s at least becoming friends with would be weird.

Blaine chuckles as he also gestures to the stool, “It’s all yours.” He says and Kurt drops his bag on the ground as he takes a seat.

“What are you working on?” Kurt asks.

Blaine sighs and looks back at his work, “Just some stuff I missed from last week.” He says. Kurt nods and has the sudden urge to ask why the other boy was away for a day and a half during the first week of school, but then figures it really isn’t his place, “I was...sick.” Blaine explains, anyway, but he’s hesitant and doesn’t meet Kurt’s eye.

Kurt pouts, thoughtfully, but doesn’t comment beyond, “I hope you’re feeling better.”

Blaine nods but doesn’t offer any other information. The pair lapse into silence and Kurt sifts through his brain for something to say to keep the conversation going, “How’s your sister?” He asks for lack of anything better.

If he’s not mistaken he notices Blaine’s eyes widen, but maybe it was just a trick of the light before Blaine says, “Umm she’s good? Why wouldn’t she be?”

Kurt shrugs and suddenly feels like he’s asked the wrong question, “I just remember you mentioning you had a sister and I assume she started at a new school too?” He shrugs again and can feel himself blushing in embarrassment, “I was just, you know, making conversation.”

Blaine sighs and fidgets with his pen, “Sorry. I answered poorly. She’s good. Thank you for asking. She had a bit of a hard time the first few days, but she’s settling in fine.”

Kurt nods, “How old is she?” He asks.

“Nine.” Blaine answers and Kurt nods again.

The pair once again lapse into silence and Kurt is just thinking about what a bad idea this whole ‘talking to Blaine’ thing was when Blaine turns to him with a smile, “Did you read the news about Vogue?”

Kurt’s caught off guard by the subject change, but Blaine’s giving him an easy smile and Kurt decides to go with it, “The restructuring?” He asks and Blaine nods, “I did! How crazy is that?”

Blaine chuckles, “I think it’s ridiculous. Vogue is the last magazine that needs restructuring.”

“You’re telling me.” Kurt says, “Cosmo needs it more.”

Blaine slaps the table and turns to Kurt, “It totally does!” He shouts in excitement, and then both he and Kurt are laughing.

When their laughter quiets, there is once again silence but this one is much more comfortable than the first two. Kurt looks at Blaine from under his lashes with a small smile to find Blaine doing the same. Kurt decides, in that moment, that Blaine smiling is one of his favourite things and vows to make it happen as often as possible.

“There aren’t a lot of people around here to talk to about the ins and outs of the magazine world.” He says, quietly.

Blaine nods, “Well, now you have me.”

Kurt sucks in a breath and feels his cheeks flush at Blaine’s words. He looks away in an attempt to hide his reaction, but before he does he can see Blaine’s eyes widen marginally before he, too, looks away, “I mean...what I meant was...you have…” Blaine stutters before sighing and leaving his sentences unfinished.

Kurt tries to rid his mind of thoughts of actually having Blaine, as his brain supplies him with many different meanings for that word, before Blaine is speaking again, “What I meant to say was we have a lot in common.”

Kurt nods and swallows thickly, deciding this might be his only chance to just get an outright answer to the question everyone seems sure of but hasn’t asked, “Because we’re both...gay?” He asks.

Blaine chuckles lightly and scratches his forehead before nodding, “Ummm well yes that, I guess, but I more meant our knowledge of magazines.”

Kurt blushes and looks away. He’s embarrassed to have asked, but he’s also infinitely happier to have that out in the open. He coughs to resettle himself before looking back at Blaine as confidently as possible and smiles, “A bunch of us from glee were planning to go bowling this Friday.” He says and if his voice wavers nervously on his words, he hopes Blaine doesn’t notice, “Did you want to come?”

Kurt watches as Blaine swallows, reaches forward to shuffle some of his papers and then coughs and brings a hand to rub nervously at his cheek, “Ummm, I might...have something going on. Can I...get back to you?” He asks.

If Kurt’s being honest, he was expecting an all out refusal. He had psyched himself up to ask, but had been fully expecting Blaine to say no. The fact that it’s a maybe? Kurt feels his chest expand with a hope he hadn’t really given himself the chance to feel.

“Yeah.” He says, breathlessly, with a smile, “Of course. Just let me know.”

-- -- --

What are you thinking?! Blaine yells at himself, trying to smile, as he looks at Kurt smiling at him with faint pink spots growing on his cheeks.

Why didn’t he just say ‘no thank you’ when Kurt asked him to go bowling? Why didn’t he say he was busy and couldn’t make it? That’s what he does. That’s what he should do. Distance. He has to maintain distance. It’s the only safe option except…

This is Kurt. And for whatever reason (okay Blaine knows the reason) Kurt is unknowingly tearing down all the barriers Blaine has carefully tried to construct, without even trying. Just by being himself. Blaine doesn’t want to say no to Kurt, hell, it appears he CAN’T say no to Kurt, and that’s bad. That’s very, very bad.

Blaine hopes Kurt can’t see him having a panic attack. Luckily, the other boy has pulled out some work and is now studiously going over some notes in his notebook.

Blaine HAS to tell him he can’t go out. He’ll make an excuse and they’ll just remain school acquaintances, like Blaine hopes to be with anyone he meets in Lima. Then Blaine’s life will go back to being only really complicated as opposed to being extremely, unbearably complicated.

“Hey Kurt?” He says and the other boy raises his head up from his paper and turns to Blaine with a questioning smile. Blaine feels his heart flutter, “Ummm would it be alright if I brought Annie, my sister, to bowling on Friday?”

What?! He berates himself. That is NOT at all what he meant to say.

Kurt’s eyes and smile widen, and Blaine immediately forgets about his misstep, deciding he needs to be the reason Kurt makes that beautiful expression more often, “Of course!” He says, “I mean, my brother will be there.” He jokes and Blaine laughs, “So...you can come?” Kurt asks.

Blaine swallows and tries to tell himself one more time that he should say no, that he should shut this down before it’s too late, “Yeah. Yeah, I can come.”

His heart has never been that great of a listener.

#klaine #klaine fanfiction #klaine fanfic #my loves #my stuff #like you wanna be loved #chapter four

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sandwichbully · 6 years

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Joe’s Market & Deli, 12 September 2018

Sometimes, you get trick-fucked. Trick-fucked is the term a couple of the guys back in BG coined. Not my hipster doofus friends, no, the other friends. The ones that tried to dress like they were in The Matrix but wound up looking like the Allentown Brothers. The ones that wore those creepy Marilyn Manson contact lenses on purpose. The ones where, to qualify as “the weird one” in the group, you had to wear a jester’s hat and that guy lost his virginity before you did. The ones where the “intellectual” of the group called you a bigot and a sheep running up to November 2016 and then blocked you on Facebook whole years after you forgot you were connected on Facebook. Those friends. The friends where you hear one of them moved to Boston and married a marine biologist and you sighed a heavy sigh of relief and you thought, “Thank fuck he got out,” and then you saw his brother on Facebook, guy pushing thirty, and he’s showing off his dental implants that make it look like he has fangs and you just... closed... your laptop and went the fuck outside. Those were the guys that coined the term trick-fucked, a term I rarely use because, let’s be adults about this, it sounds like a rape euphemism. It’s not. It means you got tricked so bad you got fucked. Were you tricked? Yes. Did you wind up fucked? Yes. You got trick-fucked. Just like I got trick-fucked today. So I’m in the mood for an Italian sub and I Google “italian deli” and I get the standard answers and I see this joint called Buon Giorno. OK, I can fuck with this. Listing on Google Maps says seven point eight miles. Let’s click on this and... Eleven miles? Hold on. Click back. Seven point eight miles. Uh... Click and... Eleven miles. OK, well show me on the map. OK, listing says seven point eight miles, map says eleven. No biggie. This is in... Lilydale? Well, this is pleasant sounding. Lilydale. OK, how do I get there? What? No, I’ve been on that trail. You’ve got me doing some off-road shit and the trip is an hour and change by bike? I don’t know, man, I just posted a month ago that I’m over making forty five minute sandwich runs, why would I make an hour nine minute sandwich run? And that’s one way. Were talking almost two and a half hours round trip for an Italian sub. Isn’t there anywhere closer? Hence Joe’s Market & Deli, up in Como. A lot closer, nobody has to go off road, I know the neighborhood, and it still matches my criteria of me never having been there before. Pictures show a bunch of burgers and burritos and shit on the menu but for once Yelp proved helpful and a guy wrote that he got their hot Italian sub every day. That is all I need. Get on the bike, head up to Como, pretty much following the path I took to get to work every day when I worked at UCare. Pop in and there’s the menu board full of shit I don’t want and then there’s the menu board with what I’m looking for and they almost nabbed me at the “Philly” until I saw they used Swiss which, I’m looking around this place, I know what kind of Swiss they’re using:

If they were using a good Swiss, yeah, I have no problem with Swiss on a cheesesteak because then you could taste it. But no, skipping this and going for the Hot Italian which is... Italian sausage, provolone (the most offensively flavorless thing Sysco manufactures), giardiniera, and red onions, $6.95. OK [scratches ear] wait, so, is there a cold Italian? [looks around] No? Is there [looks on all the menu boards] I mean, I guess I could try this. At least it doesn’t have lettuce on it.

But where are the tomatoes? the banana peppers? the salami? the ham? the pepperoni? the Italian dressing? the oregano in a can they try to fool you into thinking is “Italian seasoning”? the mayonnaise they look you in the eyes and tell you is aioli? This is uh... uh... OK. I guess this is what I came for. I go up to the counter and order the Hot Italian. I buy a Mexican Squirt while I wait.

Quick aside, one time, Cody at the liquor store told me, “I saw a Mexican Squirt at Target.” In response, I told him, “I saw a Mexican squirt on PornHub.” Good night, everybody!

AAAhhh, still proud of myself for that one. Anyway, while I’m waiting, the muzak is playing nineties Aerosmith and I’m not feeling it. At least yesterday at Lowry Hill Meats they were bumping Pixies playing “Where Is My Mind” and followed that with LCD Soundsystem’s “Daft Punk Is Playing At My House”. Hipstery? Yes. Dated? So very. More easily digestible than nineties Aerosmith? You betcha. When it comes to the Thunderdome between that doofy ass Daft Punk song and “Angel”, I’m picking the Daft Punk song every time. This shit? This shit was gross. Speaking of, how was my sandwich? Well, let’s see. I know I’ve been a Negative Nancy Grace lately and my kneejerk reaction to this sandwich is I don’t like it but how can every sandwich I’ve eaten be bad or subpar? Something must be wrong with me. I must not be doing my job right. Because it can be something crafted with care like yesterday’s sandwich or something slapped together over a grill like my burger the day before and I’m just not into it. What did I say about Cafe Limon? [goes back a few posts] OK, I liked it but I just kept shit real brief. But knowing that I’ve been down on everything lately as I eat my sandwich, I force myself, “OK, asshole, get analytical. What’s going on here?” OK, the Italian sausage, start there. Pro: You can sure taste the fennel. Con: They cut two links length wise and then arrange them perpendicular to the roll. Cheese. Pro: Uh... pass. Con: You can’t fucking taste it because it’s fucking Sysco provolone. Giardiniera. Pro: It’s not too spicy, the veggies are crisp, it’s evenly distributed. I have my suspicion that this is Marconi Mild. Con: It overwhelms all the other flavors on this sandwich. Red onion. Pro: God chocked them full of folic acid and magnesium and that’s real good for your colon. Con: Couldn’t taste them. Bread. Pro: Toasty crisp on the outside, airy and fluffy on the inside. Con: None.

You know the music that plays underneath that scene in A Christmas Story after Ralphie decodes the Little Orphan Annie code and he says, “A crummy commercial?” That was the music that accompanied my lunch. Because I didn’t investigate closer, I dove head first into a situation I knew nothing about, all I saw were the words “hot Italian” and I assumed it would be like an Italian but they would melt the cheese which I still think is not an unfair assumption and then I get to the place, I look at the menu and it turns out I got trick-fucked. By myself, by my assumptions, by that guy on Yelp. Who the fuck is that guy? Great, now I can’t find him. Oh, well. Can I recommend this place? Well, I have to go back to see what they do right because they’ve got some shitty reviews of varying quality but people who like them love them, swear by them, are over the moon for them so I have to go back and try something different.

Just like you can try something different with your very own copy of Batpussy: A Speculative Fiction available through Barnes & Noble for only $10.10. (Lighten up, I’ve sold only three copies. I need to pimp myself.) This beautiful austere paperback speculates lies, that’s right, just straight up lies about how the actual movie that actually exists, Batpussy was made. You’ll meet draft dodgers, dishonorable discharges, abused women, abusive women, racists, so many racists, and they all fuck each other and do coke and speed together and there’s a tie-in to a nationwide car theft network, it’s really bonkers, I think you’ll really like it. https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/batpussy-charlie-pauken/1129374780?ean=9781538094839

#2018 #Como #Sausage #Batpussy

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chadpetersondatingblog · 7 years

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8 Couples From Your Favorite Movies That’ll Make Incredible Halloween Costumes

Here’s a truth about Halloween: Sometimes, when you unwrap the double Starburst, you get two pinks. Here’s another: You get to eat Mounds without incriminating yourself as a gross human buying a full-sized bar at Duane Reade (Almond Joy can suck it). Another: Sometimes, you have a meltdown because you realize your costume sucks 23 minutes before arriving at a party. This is when having a partner-in-costume to talk you off the ledge is ideal. Couples costume ideas from movies are recognizable, easy to put together, and a perfect antidote to your “my costume sucks” tantrum.

When I was little, I was super into Halloween. My mom was really creative and always helped me devise the perfect costume, but alas, right before heading out to trick-or-treat, I had my annual breakdown. One year, I was traumatized by the green paint I insisted on smearing on my face so as not to be a “boring witch.” Another year, I was distraught by the realization that no one was going to recognize the nude body suit I was wearing as a “worm” — not the slimy invertebrate, but the coffee-drinking aliens from Men in Black. Hmm. Another Halloween, it was a sudden disdain for the Pink Power ranger of my namesake as “childish.”

Looking back, maybe I was sneaking candy pre-outing and having a massive sugar crash, or maybe I was just insecure because I didn’t have a buddy confirming that the costume was “cool.” Obviously, dressing up in a couple at 9 years old would be v inappropriate, but if you and your SO plan on dressing up this year, I would recommend going as characters from a movie. (Except maybe not the aliens from Men in Black.) Here are some dope ideas for couples Halloween costumes from equally dope movies:

1. Princess Buttercup And Westley From The Princess Bride

Giphy

If you haven’t seen The Princess Bride, skip Halloween this year and glue your eyeballs to it. This couple allows you to dress up in some fun, old-timey outfits without being yet another Khaleesi and Jon Snow. Here’s a pretty full Princess Buttercup costume to make things easier. Get a long blonde wig and crimp it for extra credit. Westley just needs to dress in all black, add a blindfold and sword, and he’s good to go.

2. Annie Hall And Alvy Singer From Annie Hall

Giphy

OK, OK, so Woody Allen is a full blown creep, but dressing up as this iconic couple from one of my all-time favorite movies is not funneling any money towards Mr. Allen, since pretty much everything you need to be Annie is in your dad’s closet. All you need is a men’s shirt, vest, and tie. Adding a felt hat would be optimal.

Your SO can dress up in any ill-fitting khakis and a sweater, and you’re good to go.

3. Kat And Patrick From 10 Things I Hate About You

Giphy

This is a damn good throwback. 10 Things I Hate About You is my favorite because it combines the ’90s and Shakespeare (it was based on The Taming of the Shrew). It stars Heath Ledger (RIP), Julia Stiles, anddddddd Joseph Gordon Levitt (all time favorite crush, you know?) and has the power to make me ugly cry almost 20 years later.

These costumes are easy, especially now that the ’90s are back. For Kat, go with black flared pants, platform sandals, and a long-sleeved red belly shirt (because in the ’90s, we didn’t call them crop tops yet). Put your hair in a weird bun and pull two grimy pieces out to frame your face and you are set. For Patrick, a curly wig plus jeans and a t-shirt or black tank. Men’s style never dies.

Bonus points: Memorize Kat’s epic speech.

4. Wayne And Garth From Wayne’s World

Giphy

Color me old, but this throwback is even better than the last. It doesn’t matter whether you are two dudes, two ladies, or a dude and a lady, wigs and band t-shirts make Wayne and Garth super attainable looks. This movie is so popular that there are Etsy shops with everything you need for the costumes. Caveat: You definitely need to get the impersonations down. That’s the best part.

5. Frank And Brenda From Sausage Party

Giphy

OK, so maybe Sausage Party wasn’t anybody’s favorite movie, but achieving this couples costume will probably lead you and your SO to get the most likes you’ve ever gotten on an Instagram. Dressing up as a hot dog and a bun with cartoon orifices is not as easy as putting on kitten ears, but it will look really awesome. I feel like colored bodysuits, cardboard, and maybe even some pillows are your friends here? If you make this work, send me a pic. Or, you could just skip the DIY route and buy these ridiculous get ups.

6. Jack And Ennis From Brokeback Mountain

Giphy

Oh yeah, I went there. Even if you’re not as hot as Jake and Heath, this is a really fun costume no matter your gender. All you need are some jeans, a flannel shirt, a Carhartt or jean jacket, and a Stetson. Look at each other like you wish you knew how to quiet each other, and there you have it. A nice reminder that love is love is love in 2017.

7. Gamora And Star-Lord From Guardians of the Galaxy

Giphy

Again, you’re definitely not going to be the only ones dressed up like this, but if you do the full face of make up right, people will notice. For Gamora, you’ll need a sh*t ton of green body paint, a leather vest, and leather pants. Curl your hair and grab some red extensions, or better yet, buy a Gamora wig. Bae can rock a red leather jacket and leather pants if he happens to own them. Otherwise, just snag this cheap costume.

Stay true to the movie and keep the sexual tension at 100 all night.

8. Mia Wallace And Vincent Vega From Pulp Fiction

Giphy

This is a classic movie and a classic costume. For Mia, grab a black wig, a white dress shirt, and black flared jeans. Add a cocaine blood drip out of your nose and a syringe that’s faux-lodged in your chest if you really want to get accurate. Your boo can wear any black suit, and add this wig and bolo tie to confirm his identity as Vincent Vega. Prepare to dance the night away like you’re at Jack Rabbit Slim’s.

Basically, as long as you choose a couple who is not from The Notebook or Star Wars, you are in great shape to get all of the Instagram likes this Halloween (because don’t we do everything for the ‘gram? Or is that just me?). Have a Snickers, chug a vodka soda, and dare to enter an Uber in a giant hot dog bun costume without having a meltdown. I promise it’ll be OK. Happy damn Halloween.

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

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8 Couples From Your Favorite Movies That’ll Make Incredible Halloween Costumes

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ashleyjacksonblog · 7 years

Text

8 Couples From Your Favorite Movies That’ll Make Incredible Halloween Costumes

1. Princess Buttercup And Westley From The Princess Bride

Giphy

2. Annie Hall And Alvy Singer From Annie Hall

Giphy

Your SO can dress up in any ill-fitting khakis and a sweater, and you’re good to go.

3. Kat And Patrick From 10 Things I Hate About You

Giphy

Bonus points: Memorize Kat’s epic speech.

4. Wayne And Garth From Wayne’s World

Giphy

5. Frank And Brenda From Sausage Party

Giphy

6. Jack And Ennis From Brokeback Mountain

Giphy

7. Gamora And Star-Lord From Guardians of the Galaxy

Giphy

Stay true to the movie and keep the sexual tension at 100 all night.

8. Mia Wallace And Vincent Vega From Pulp Fiction

Giphy

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

youtube

Subscribe to Elite Daily’s official newsletter, The Edge, for more stories you don’t want to miss.

8 Couples From Your Favorite Movies That’ll Make Incredible Halloween Costumes

from Meet Positives http://ift.tt/2yqzINH via IFTTT

#IFTTT #Meet Positives

0 notes

chadpetersondatingblog · 7 years

Text

8 Couples From Your Favorite Movies That’ll Make Incredible Halloween Costumes

1. Princess Buttercup And Westley From The Princess Bride

Giphy

2. Annie Hall And Alvy Singer From Annie Hall

Giphy

Your SO can dress up in any ill-fitting khakis and a sweater, and you’re good to go.

3. Kat And Patrick From 10 Things I Hate About You

Giphy

Bonus points: Memorize Kat’s epic speech.

4. Wayne And Garth From Wayne’s World

Giphy

5. Frank And Brenda From Sausage Party

Giphy

6. Jack And Ennis From Brokeback Mountain

Giphy

7. Gamora And Star-Lord From Guardians of the Galaxy

Giphy

Stay true to the movie and keep the sexual tension at 100 all night.

8. Mia Wallace And Vincent Vega From Pulp Fiction

Giphy

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

youtube

Subscribe to Elite Daily’s official newsletter, The Edge, for more stories you don’t want to miss.

8 Couples From Your Favorite Movies That’ll Make Incredible Halloween Costumes

from Meet Positives http://ift.tt/2wHjvl6 via IFTTT

#IFTTT #Meet Positives

0 notes

ashleyjacksonblog · 7 years

Text

8 Couples From Your Favorite Movies That’ll Make Incredible Halloween Costumes

1. Princess Buttercup And Westley From The Princess Bride

Giphy

2. Annie Hall And Alvy Singer From Annie Hall

Giphy

Your SO can dress up in any ill-fitting khakis and a sweater, and you’re good to go.

3. Kat And Patrick From 10 Things I Hate About You

Giphy

Bonus points: Memorize Kat’s epic speech.

4. Wayne And Garth From Wayne’s World

Giphy

5. Frank And Brenda From Sausage Party

Giphy

6. Jack And Ennis From Brokeback Mountain

Giphy

7. Gamora And Star-Lord From Guardians of the Galaxy

Giphy

Stay true to the movie and keep the sexual tension at 100 all night.

8. Mia Wallace And Vincent Vega From Pulp Fiction

Giphy

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

youtube

Subscribe to Elite Daily’s official newsletter, The Edge, for more stories you don’t want to miss.

8 Couples From Your Favorite Movies That’ll Make Incredible Halloween Costumes

from Meet Positives http://ift.tt/2wHjvl6 via IFTTT

#IFTTT #Meet Positives

0 notes