#I knew Brennan was good but he's really on a whole other level in this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jq37 · 4 years

Text

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 14

Brennan Says It’s My Turn With The Daddy Issues

So we’re in hell--literally, not emotionally (at least for the moment). We being Fig, Riz, Gilear, the Hangman, and the blood-imp valet that Fig created last week who is ostensibly named Wretchrot but also picks up the nickname Baby this episode because of shenanigans. Wretchrot brings them all to where they’ll be staying, says a bunch of wild stuff in his weird Rita Repulsa voice, and drinks Fig’s blood which is what he is made of. Riz is bullied by the Hangman and misses the other half of his Nerd Squad.

Anyway, Wretchrot takes the group on a little tour of Gorthalax’s stuff starting with the library which includes books that steal souls and also legal texts (redundant). Fig looks for a book on devil dating advice while Riz looks for something on the Hellish legal system On a 17, Fig finds a Manual for Succubi and Incubi about extracting souls via the penis. More helpfully, on a 16, Riz finds out that coups are baked into the ruling system of hell and killing someone to ascend to the throne is pretty par for the course.

Next up is the hall of treasures where there are suits of armor themed to the 7 deadly sins including kinky, gimp, Lust armor they briefly consider equipping either Gilear or Kristen with (Ally breaks at that). There are also these Venitian style masks through which the people who failed to kill Gorthalax to take his place are forced to watch him do his thing.

They pass through a hall of mirrors which they realize is a kind of security system as it shows things as they really are. Wretchrot appears in the mirror as a drop of Fig’s blood. The Hangman appears as a huge puppy!!!! (OK, a hellhound but all canines are puppies). Riz holds up the photo of Kalina to the mirror and, in the mirror, can’t see her in the photo. However, he does she her in the mirror itself. She waves at him and then appears “in person”. Fig doesn’t know this is going on and asks Riz if he’s emotionally OK with the fact that they just whip out the photo of his dead dad on the regular. Riz says it’s fine but he quickly becomes less fine when Kalina asks if he'd like to see his dad. He starts to answer her out loud but she tells him that, by talking out loud, he’s tipped off Fig potentially so he should lose her and then meet her alone. The Hangman guards everyone while Riz and Fig split up, to find stuff to test in front of the mirror. Well, that’s the stated plan anyway.

Back in Arborly, Adaine is getting to check an item off of her Teen Girl Life Experiences checklist: Spilling Tea About Your Friend’s New GF. She gleefully does the whole, “I can’t tell you but I’ll tell you if you guess right,” routine before outright confirming that while crustacean shenanigans were happening in the house Fig and Ayda were sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Everyone in the group goes feral over the news, especially the Gay Squad. She vaguely recalls that Ayda also told her some information about a rune or something but everyone agrees that she retained the most important information.

They decide to call Aguefort about their coins and the rune (Kristen wisely having all the infected people leave the room). Aguefort tells them that the coins that they have comprise Kalvaxus’s hoard but not his original hoard as it has been spent and invested and put into the economy. Classic Ship of Theseus problem (ie: If you have a ship and you start replacing damaged parts of it, by the time you've replaced all the parts, is it even the same ship?). He also reminds them that spending the gold as quickly as possible is a good idea to avoid the dragon madness curse which is on all dragon gold (a weak but very hard to break curse). That prompts Adaine to describe the rune she discovered to him and he tells her basically the same stuff Ayda did last episode. She wonders if dragon madness could be the larger, static curse under which the trojan horse curse (the spellbook) is hiding. Gorgug wants to give all of the gold away and Fabian is not about that life at all.

Back in hell (literally and emotionally now) Riz prepares to meet Kalina. With a 25 Investigation, he finds a sliver of mirror that he can bring with him to keep from being tricked. He’s also mindful of being paralyzed while he’s with Kalina at the edge of a hell cliff so he anchors himself with a rope tied around his waist. Kalina is her usual aloof, darkly charming self when they speak and Riz is pretty flustered, asking if she was his dad’s familiar (no). Kalina says that Riz didn’t really know his dad and the question he isn’t asking but should be is how did his dad meet her in the first place.

She takes him to a little secret passageway which she says goes to a liminal place where he can see between the levels. She gives him the help action to get a good look (which makes Murph extremely nervous) but he only gets an 11 which means all that he sees is a cold, white light coming from the opening. He tries to use his mirror to look inside but on a 13 dex save, his footing is shaky and some rocks fall down the side of the cliff (he’s fine). Kalina says that he’s gonna have to man up and walk down the tunnel if he wants to see what’s going on. She fully reveals that she’s incorporeal and can’t actually touch him to mess with him if that helps at all.

Riz is clearly struggling with the choice but he ultimately decides that he can’t pass up this chance and that he can trust Fig to rescue him if things go south. He leaves her a note and then steps through. Within the tunnel, he can feel things watching him and hear a chittering that’s weirdly somehow coming from him. In front of him is a smoky room lit by a cone of light--think interrogation room in an old detective show. In a chair, covered in blood and shit and tattered clothes is Pok Gukgak, gagged and chained. Riz reaches for him but, as he tries to step forward, he reaches the end of his rope. Someone unseen splashes Pok with water and tells him to “confess” and “tell us what you know.” Riz pulls out his gun--his dad’s gun--to shoot out the light. As he does, a thought comes unbidden: You know what the kind thing to do with that gun would be. That shakes Riz so he lowers the gun and starts to untie himself. He’s stopped by Kalina (speaking in his mind) who tells him that if he steps in the light, he’ll be on another level of hell in the Iron City of Dis for real. Not just looking in. Riz pulls out his mirror shard and confirms that it really is his dad in there being tortured. He leaves the tunnel.

Kalina says that she knows Riz is all hopped up on doing his quest and stopping the Nightmare King but if he just stops, if they all stop, none of his friends will have to die and, bonus, maybe there will be a little rescue mission for his dad in it for him. Riz wants to know if Pok knew what her true nature was and he seems to think he cheated on his mom with her (“I know what happened between you two. I can do the math.” Which seems logistically improbable but OK). She reminds him that Pok was a spy which means it’s naive to think that every thing he did was good and taunts him about his clue hound nature before vanishing.

Riz meets up back with Gilear and Fig and he spills about everything. Gilear wants Riz to have lunch and drink some water before he does anything rash. Fig says that they don’t need Kalina to rescue Pok. They know crazy-person Bill Seacaster who’s also in hell. She lights a beacon to help him find them (if you remember, the Hangman has been attempting to contact him for Fabian). One thing I didn’t mention before is that Fig brought up the idea of temporarily installing herself as the ruler of Gorthalax's section of hell so she’d be a powerful enough devil (or devil-adjacent entity) to get them into Sylvere. Wretchrot said it was probably a no-go since she’s half mortal but, now, on a 29 Riz re-reads his legal book and realizes that Fig wouldn’t actually have to kill Gorthalax to take his place, she just needs to defeat him, which she technically has by putting him in a gem and they put that together almost before Brennan is done narrating. They have a new plan.

The other Bad Kids are discussing what Arianwyn is up to and Gorgug suggests that maybe she’s not actually working with Kalina. Maybe she’s playing along but actually has ulterior motives. Kristen looks at Arianwyn’s notes and on a 24 “Empath Roll” (Brennan converts this Ally-ism to an Insight check) sees that at a certain point, Arianwyn started making leaps in her research that were too lucky and suggest someone was helping her--possibly the entity she was researching. Adaine thinks about calling her mom using Sending or her new Sinod of Spire spell but Ayda calls Adaine and asks if she can come over. Of course she can. She comes with her recently summoned tropical fish familiar in a bubble of water--it has the very Albus Severus name of “Garthy and Adaine the Fish” which Adaine is thrilled about but also suggests shortening to GAF (and also considering reconstituting it into a cuddlier form--though the image of her dumping Boggy into GAF’s bubble is super adorable). Meanwhile, Kristen is thrilled to welcome her to “the family” because being gay is the same as visiting an Olive Garden (this is a shirt now because Ally said it which is too much power to give to Ally). Ayda kinda sucks some of the fun out of teasing her about her relationship with Fig by being extremely forthright about it but Kristen and Adaine brighten at the thought that Fig will be a lot more fun to tease.

But, back to business. Ayda has not slept because she’s been working on getting to Fig. The whole group is like, “Bitch, are you OK?” and give her an ice cream sandwich which is proper Good Friend Protocol if you have them on hand I think. Ayda is super worried about Fig and is just about ready to unmake everything standing between them (Normal lesbian move according to Kristen). They talk her down for the moment in favor of sending Fig a message: Fig you sneaky bitch. Ayda’s here. She wants to invade hell. You good? PS: OOOOOOOOOOOH. PPS: Ask Kalvaxus about dragon madness. Fig completely misses the fact that they know what’s going on with Ayda (you’d think they’d be more in sync which each others’ texting shorthand) and sends back a message saying she hopes they have fun with her but, “not too much fun,” and also that she, “is king” with no further explanation. Wild.

Ayda, who is still super keyed up to get Fig, thinks she can figure out the Planeshift spell but she needs more time to work on the spell which she could get...if they steal her dad’s time stopping pocketwatch. Considering they watched Aguefort grab the sun out of the sky the other day, they’re not super down to have a possibly adverse encounter with the man but they hear her out. While they do that, Gorgug takes his now working phone and just straight up calls the guy, explaining the situation (including Ayda’s involvement) and asking to borrow the watch. Aguefort is a little taken aback by the fact that Ayda would want any kind of contact with him at all because about 300 years back, she told him to never contact her again and that she would leave notes to her future self detailing why, which is why he hasn’t really been in her life. He lets him borrow the watch for a week (after which time it will return to him) and asks him to tell Ayda what they talked about, leaving the door open for a possible future relationship between them. When Gorgug returns with the watch and the news, Ayda breaks a little and reveals she didn’t even know she was that old. Presumably because her notes start about 150 years ago with an apology that her past self wanted a fresh start and destroyed the last several batches of notes. She hates herself for doing that and Kristen gently tries to get her to cool it with the negative self talk. Then, they hit the button on the watch and they have a week to work.

The Wizards work on Planeshift. Fabian and Kristen go to the shrine and Kristen--mirroring her vision from episode 1--sits down to draw the unknown goddess from the mural. Her Spirit Guardians emerge and start to kinda deride her for the sincerity of her action. She in turn decides that she’s done with this wishy-washy “above it all” attitude and dismisses her Spirit Guardians for good (making her, as far as I can tell, the only cleric in Solace with a 100% turnover rate on her Spirit Guardians). She finishes the picture and it feels somehow significant, to her and to Tracker too (who can look at it without wolf-raging out). Gorgug uses the time to “get smarter” which bumps his score from an 8 to a 9 (which has no mechanical implications). Ayda is also working on a side project but she’s keeping it a secret from Adaine.

In hell, the tribunal is called back in session. Fig comes in ready to claim her hell passport and the throne along with it. On a big ol’ 30 persuasion check--and because the law is on her side--Vrath is reluctantly convinced to confer upon Fig the title of arch-devil (via a full lip kiss which is some Poison Ivy bs) The new title comes with an upside pentagram mark on her forehead, full fire immunity (very convenient considering her new constantly on fire gf), and resistance to poison. However, Vraz is about to force the Hangman to stay in hell due to a legal technicality when who walks in but BILL FORKING SEACASTER, who invokes the law of the blade and immediately starts stabbing their way out of there and hustles the group to his ship (Goldenhoard’s reshaped corpse) which was indirectly named by Fig we learned after the thing that would annoy him the most--The Goldenrod.

Bill gives Fig (who is feeling iffy about her archdevil decision) a pep talk before fully signing up for the rescue mission of the dad of his son’s BFF. We also learn that Alastair Ash is interning on Bill’s ship! He’s pretty happy to see Fig and Riz but if he sees Fabian he’s fully gonna kill him. Right around now, the Bad Kids not in hell remember they can talk to the group via the Hangman and check in since the week of stopped time is up. The Hangman is like, “YOU NEED TO COME HELP US RIGHT AWAY!” They (everyone but the HangVan) Planeshift onto the deck of the Goldenrod which is being targeted by monsters and devils commanded by Vraz. Alastair makes good on his threat and starts trying to shank Fabian immediately (which Bill is hilariously blase about). Ayda opens up a portal to the sea and tries to flood Hell from the top down but Fig stops her, saying that they need to get to the second level to save Pok which seems like it will be quite a task with all the monsters Vraz is throwing at them. Luckily, Bill has money for days (and that money is somehow worth something in hell) and has a whole fleet to back them up for our big Hell Pirate Battle next episode!

Detention

Gorgug for Bad Gossip Etiquette

Look, obviously Kalina was the worst person in this episode. Like, duh. But, also, it feels like cheating to punish the Vader of the series for doing something bad. Like, yeah! That’s what she’s supposed to be doing!

So, instead, today’s dubious honor goes to Gorgug for the much less damning but more relatable sin of making his girlfriend aware of tea but not spilling it. Say it all or say nothing!

Honor Roll

Gorgug for Being More Insightful Than His 8 9 Int Would Suggest

Back to back double awards.

Wisdom is not the same as Intelligence and I actually have no idea what Gorgug’s Wisdom score is on paper but he showed a lot of in this episode.

I think he’s been the first person to suggest that whatever’s going on with Arianwyn might not be as cut and dry as it seems and then, of course, he decided to, instead of trying to Ocean’s 11 Aguefort to just slip out and have a quick heart to heart with him. One that affects him surprisingly deeply. And him bringing up his own experiences with no knowing who his birth dad was was just the chef’s kiss on top of it all.

I don’t think Brennan actually intended them to Oceans 11 Aguefort because that would be crazy, but Gorgug is the one who stepped up to solve the problem for the group with a little compassion and I think that more than earns him the spot.

Random Thoughts

Trailer for Season 5 is dropping Thursday so get hyped!

“Are you looking for the Teen Zone of the bottomless pit?”

“The fief of this dom.”

“You’re a little nerd. Tell the cool girl what you know.”

“If I had new parts, where would they go?”

I love Fabian’s confident assertion that Ayda would “love shrimp river”.

Line of the night goes to Ragh for, “Frankly, bringing up the rune in this context is homophobic.” And Adaine’s followup of, “I apologize. As an ally, I’m always learning,” was also great.

I love that the girls instantly understand Fig’s earlier hot tub comment with the new context but the boys are still clueless.

Watching Emily and Murph have their own little side adventure was so great. They are so fun together and they were clearly having a blast.

I wonder if Gorthalax can tell than Fig just got his title. Either via the title itself or his patron status.

Fig bringing up Riz’s dad to be like, “Are you OK?” caught me so off guard and it seems like it caught Riz off guard too. I hadn’t really thought about it but the fact that Fig had is just another example of her being extremely bighearted and doing a bad job of hiding it.

Emily’s impotent “rage” as all the party members loudly gossiped about her and Ayda and she couldn’t do anything about it because she wasn’t in the scene was *golden*.

Kalina leaves Riz so he can watch his dad but, if you think about it, that’s all placebo because she couldn’t do anything to him whether she’s appearing to him or not and she can watch through his eyes regardless anyway so it’s just like, “Do you want me to be visibly watching you or invisibly watching you?”

Does Kalina have, like, a range? Like, if she can literally just see out of the eyes of people that she’s infected, that limits her to a certain cone of vision and range of movement. But it seems like she can appear to a person and move independently around them to some degree, see things they can’t, point things out, and move away from them. How far away? How independent can she be? What are the logistics here?

Also, on the topic of logistics, it seems extremely hard to know someone for as long as Pok knew Kalina and not realize they’re non-corporeal. Like, even if you’re not a touchy person, eventually you’re gonna bump into them (or, in this case, not bump into them).

Man, the dice really hated Murph this week and, honestly, good. His scenes, imo, work so much better if he doesn’t get to Ally his way out of them with a Nat 20. Him being toyed with by Kalina and unsure and lost is the more interesting version of this sequence of events.

I feel like he made some big swings and misses this ep though. Like, asking if she was Pok’s familiar? Why would that have been a thing? I’m surprised he didn’t ask if he was the goddess’s familiar--though I guess they might not want to let on how much they know but bringing up the concept that she’s anyone’s familliar I think is kinda of giving the game away.

“I have a hard time making conversation with my friends, let alone you” Riiiiiiiiiiz.

Kalina brought up Kristen to Riz specifically, which I find interesting. (She also said that Kristen used to worship Sol which isn’t strictly true, she worshiped Helio, but same family and that was likely just a slip of the tongue from Brennan. Just wanted to point it out).

Who does Kalina even work for? Like, it seems like she’s working with the Nightmare King but if she’s the mystery goddess’s familiar like we all think then that’s weird because it doesn’t seem like the NK and mystery goddess are together. Like, a part of me is just dumping everyone antagonistic to the Bad Kids into the same “Bad” bucket in my head but there’s no way all of these people have totally aligned goals.

“Dragon madness 69”

It’s brought up again in this episode that some of Arianwyn’s research was requisitioned by Pok earlier which I want to ascribe significance to but I’m not in a theorizing headspace right now so I’ll just point it out for anyone who does want to play Gukgak.

I’ve been kinda wondering about the logistics of Aguefort and Ayda and how old that dude is but I totally forgot Chronoancy was a factor which I guess indirectly answers any and all questions about that. It also adds some dimension to his character that time travel is a thing that kinda makes you feel unmoored from time, which I think goes some way (though not all of the way) in explaining why he’s so feral. And, speaking of Aguefort insanity, he was also at the party Zelda was at last episode in the form of an owl as the beer pong mascot. Which Gorgug has Thoughts about.

I really really want Adaine to talk to her mom in the Synod of Spires. Have you guys realized that, for as much of a driving force Arianwyn’s been this season, she’s had almost no dialogue? She has talked I think 3 times total in all of FH: During Adaine’s intro, Apologizing to her when Aelwen was arrested, and the Message Adaine found from her last episode. That’s it. We know almost nothing about her. What is her deal? Also, Siobhan just always kills during all of her one-on-one scenes and I’m biased.

Love the return of the Bad Kids being unable to make a phone call and stealing the phone from each other to tag in with their own nonsense.

Wild that Gorgug was able to get through to Aguefort since he has a history of pissing that dude off by saying the wrong (well, “wrong”) thing.

Shoutout to Gilear for being the Designated Dad of the Hell Trip and making sure the kids were eating and stuff. That was a very endearing moment.

Also, while we’re on the topic of Gilear, he also cleared up that Sandra-Lynn never seriously propositioned him in an irresponsible, “Let me give you a Magic STD” kinda way which was something I’d been thinking about so I’m glad he said something (though the kids kinda aren’t even though I think we’re way past the point of TMI here).

“Hiss at her litigator.”

Riz, who Fig is Looking to be the Voice of Reason re: Her Arch-Devil Upgrade: This is super rad.

I’m very curious about whether Brennan fully planned for Fig to decide to take Gorthalax’s place because, on the one hand, my brain didn’t go there at all but, on the other, getting Emily Axford to install someone--possibly herself--into a position of power is like getting Siobhan Thompson to steal a book I feel.

Fig Upon Being Told That Ayda Told Everyone About Them: Fuck.

I feel like Kristen is gonna wish she had her big moment of emotional catharsis AFTER this big hell pirate fight and not before when she can’t summon her Spirit Guardians.

Man, we haven’t gotten a big, enthusiastic, “Papa!” from Fabian in a while have we?

No crits in either direction this episode which is wild considering Fig got a THIRTY at one point.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high live #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers

71 notes · View notes

genderless-consul · 4 years

Note

Top 5 Glee characters

Ooh, this is tricky, because it can fluctuate so wildly depending on who’s writing and what season it is, but if I’m judging based on a combination of their best material and how much the actors elevated their worst material, this is probably what I’ve got.

1): Santana - her early seasons arc was arguably the best thing to come out of Glee, period. And even when her character lost some coherency late in the game it was transparently because the writers were using the same “Naya’s our best actor, just use her for everything even if it doesn’t make sense” strategy that they once reserved for Jane Lynch. And the fact that she got married on screen, whatever else you can say about The Wedding as an episode, is one of the few genuine bright spots of what were an otherwise pretty mean-spirited final couple seasons. Oh, and the best voice on the show, easy. Valerie, Songbird, and Mine are all Hall-of-Fame solos, and any character that got to have a duet with her was having a great episode by default .

2): Kurt - another early Glee character arc that genuinely mattered in a way that far outstrips the rest of the show, and the fact that Chris Colfer was able to steal the show like he did at 19 will always blow my mind. He’s one of the best actors ever to only have one major credit, and even in Season 6 when the writers are treating him with complete contempt and he has every reason to be checked out, he’s still giving it 150%. He had so many different compelling relationships and elevated all of them- the magical romance (and later jaded cohabitation) with Blaine, becoming a family with Finn, the friendship with Rachel that developed over nearly all 121 episodes - and of course any scene with Kurt and Burt was a guaranteed tearjerker. And yes, having a countertenor in the main cast made the music so much more interesting and is one of my favorite things about the entire show - I still can’t believe the Glee versions of I Want to Hold Your Hand, For Good, and Not the Boy Next Door exist but I’m so glad they do.

3): Quinn -multiple times the victim of some of the absolute worst writing in all of Glee, which is saying something, but when it was good, it was great. Basically carried all of Season 1 on her back in a really heavy storyline that shouldn’t work nearly as well as it does (I still don’t know they managed to make that Bohemian Rhapsody work, but they did). But Season 2 Quinn is probably my favorite stretch of any Glee character, because when she got the chance to be in control of a scene, Dianna Agron could knock “bittersweet Glee about teenagers who know this might be it” out of the park like nobody else. She was butchered in the Season 3 Shelby arc, she never got a proper ending in the later seasons, and the final shot of On My Way still shows up in my nightmares sometimes, but all of that only hurts so much because we saw what could have been. Oh, and I Feel Pretty/Unpretty is the best mashup.

4): Brittany - yes, the entire Unholy Trinity made it on here. Like Kurt and Santana, another case of the writers realizing “wait a minute, this person is ridiculously talented, let’s do something with that.” Probably the best manifestation of Glee’s deeply strange tonal tightrope, which would so often tip over into too saccharine or too acidic in other characters, and Heather Morris was the master at delivering the Ian Brennan one-liners that were actually funny (to be clear, Jane Lynch had plenty of those too, but she also got a few too many of the ones that were unfunny to outright offensive). And what makes it work for me was really that Brittany still got to have a character with legitimate development and sincere emotional reactions - some of my favorite line deliveries on the entire show (”aren’t you paying? ‘cause I ordered shrimp,” “clearly you don’t love you as much as I do or you would put the shirt on and you would dance with me,” “can I hug?”) are Brittany lines without really being Brittany-isms at all. Oh, and as much as Heather’s dancing speaks for itself, I’ll also go to bat for I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) as a seriously underrated, all time great vocal performance.

5): Sebastian - Glee was always hurting for non-Sue Sylvester villains who could present more personal challenges to the kids, and while Season 1 Jesse was arguably the most successful version of that, Season 3 Seb will always be the best for me; Grant Gustin knew exactly what kind of show he was in and he absolutely radiates screen presence the whole time. His sheer level of petty dickishness is a great corrective to the slightly unreal nature of Dalton as a tolerance paradise in Season 2, and the rock-salt slushie is rivaled only by the Jesse St. James egg scene as the greatest “OH, YOU BASTARD!” moment in Glee history. He was kneecapped by an inexplicable face turn, and sadly had to be unceremoniously written out so Grant could go on to co-headline a generation defining adaptation of the DC Universe with Melissa Benoist (which, by the way - who saw THAT coming when Marley Rose was introduced in the fall of 2012?), but when he was here, Glee was an absolute joy to watch. The use of A Boy Like That as his de facto villain song is my favorite use of editing in the entire show, and of course it all built to Smooth Criminal, where Grant matching Naya’s energy produced the number that would probably win a ranked-choice straw poll for the best Glee song of all time.

#Glee #ask game #top 5 anything

12 notes · View notes

vintage1der · 6 years

Link

What separates these works from the Harry Potter fanfiction you find online may come down to snobbery. There is an undercurrent of misogyny in mainstream criticism of fanfiction, which is widely accepted to be dominated by women; one census of 10,500 AO3 users found that 80% of the users identified as female, with more users identified as genderqueer (6%) than male (4%). Novik has spent a good deal of time fighting against fanfiction’s stigma because she feels it is “an attack on women’s writing, specifically an attack on young women’s writing and the kind of stories that young women like to tell”. Which is not to say that young women only want to write about romance: “I think,” Novik says, “that [the popularity of fanfiction amongst women is] not unconnected to the lack of young women protagonists who are not romantic interests.” Devotees of fanfiction will sometimes tell you that it’s one of the oldest writing forms in the world. Seen with this generous eye, the art of writing stories using other people’s creations hails from long before our awareness of Twilight-fanfic-turned-BDSM romance Fifty Shades of Grey: perhaps Virgil, when he picked up where Homer left off with the story of Aeneas, or Shakespeare’s retelling of Arthur Brookes’s 1562 The Tragical History of Romeus and Juliet. What most of us would recognise as fanfiction began in the 1960s, when Star Trek fans started creating zines about Spock and Captain Kirk’s adventures. Thirty years later, the internet arrived, which made sharing stories set in other people’s worlds – be they Harry Potter, Spider-Man, or anything and everything in between – easier. Fanfiction has always been out there, if you knew where to look. Now, it’s almost impossible to miss.

In the last few years, fanfiction has enjoyed something of a rebrand. Big-name authors such as EL James, author of the Fifty Shades books, and Cassandra Clare, who has always been open about writing Harry Potter fanfiction before her bestselling Mortal Instruments series, have helped bring it into the mainstream. These days, it’s fairly common knowledge that some people just really like writing about Captain America and Bucky Barnes falling in love, or Doctor Who fighting demons with Buffy. The general image of fanfiction has brightened somewhat: less creepy, more sweetly nerdy.

But the divide between fanfiction and original writing holds strong. It’s assumed that if people write fanfiction, it’s because they can’t produce their own. At best, it functions as training wheels, preparing a writer to commit to a real book. When they don’t – as in the famous case of Fifty Shades, which one plagiarism checker found had an 89% similarity rate with James’s original Twilight fanfiction – they are ridiculed. A real author, the logic goes, having moved on to writing their own books, doesn’t look back.

“Here’s the thing,” Naomi Novik explains over the phone from New York. She is the bestselling author of the Temeraire books, a fantasy series that adds dragons to the Napoleonic Wars, and Spinning Silver, which riffs on Rumpelstiltskin. “I don’t actually draw any line between my fanfiction work and my professional work – except that I only write the fanfiction stuff for love.”

In between writing her novels – or indeed during, as she admits that fanfiction is one of her favourite procrastination techniques – Novik is an active member of the fanfiction community. She is a co-founder of the Archive of Our Own (AO3), one of the most popular hosting websites, and a prolific writer in the universes of Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, Merlin and many more.

And she’s not the only professional at work. Rainbow Rowell, the bestselling author of Eleanor and Park and other novels, once told the Bookseller that between two novels, she wrote a 30,000-word Harry Potter fanfiction. “It’s Harry and Draco as a couple who have been married for many years, and they’re raising Harry’s kids,” she said. “It’s them dealing with attachment parenting and step-parents and all these middle-aged issues.”

The divide between a fanfiction writer and an original fiction writer can look very arbitrary when looking at authors such as Michael Chabon, who once described his own novel Moonglow as “a Gravity’s Rainbow fanfic”. Or Madeline Miller, whose Orange-prize winning The Song of Achilles detailed the romantic relationship between Achilles and Patroclus, and whose latest novel Circe picks up on the witch who seduces Odysseus in the Odyssey. Miller said she was initially worried when one ex-boyfriend described her work as “Homeric fanfiction” but has since embraced her love of adapting and playing with Greek mythology. The tag could also be applied to classics such as Jean Rhys’s Wide Sargasso Sea, reworkings of Shakespeare by the likes of Margaret Atwood and Edward St Aubyn in the Hogarth series, and a spate of parodies: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, or Android Karenina.

Others may find it odd that published authors would bother writing fanfiction alongside or between their professional work. But it’s all too simple to draw lines between two forms of writing that, in their separate ways, can be both productive and joyful. Neil Gaiman once wrote that the most important question an author can ask is: “What if?” Fanfiction takes this to the next level. What if King Arthur was gay? What if Voldemort won? What if Ned Stark escaped?

“I believe that all art, if it’s any good, is in dialogue with other art,” Novik says. “Fanfiction feels to me like a more intimate conversation. It’s a conversation where you need the reader to really have a lot of detail at their fingertips.”

For writers still wobbling on training wheels, fanfiction offers benefits: the immediate gratification of sharing writing without navigating publishers; passionate readers who are already interested in the characters, and a collegial stream of feedback from fellow writers.

“There was an audience of people who wanted to read my writing,” says young adult author Sarah Rees Brennan, who wrote Harry Potter fanfiction in her teens and twenties before she published her own novels, the latest of which, In Other Lands, was a Hugo award finalist. “Here were all these people online who wanted stories about familiar characters. Audiences were pre-invested and waiting.”

For writers, whether already published or on the path to being published, this instantaneous readership functions as a writer’s workshop: Novik calls it a “community of your peers”. Spending hours thrashing out the details of Draco Malfoy’s inner life can’t help but function as a crash course in character motivation. And the limits and constraints of working within a pre-existing world, with its own characters and settings, is a unique challenge.

“Fanfiction is a great incubator for writers,” Novik says. “The more constraints you have on you at the beginning, the better. It’s why people do writing exercises, or play scales. That kind of constraint forces you to practice certain skills, and then at a certain point you have the control to bring out the whole toolbox.”

Once some writers get those tools, they never look back. Rees Brennan no longer writes fanfiction. “I had a friend say it’s like the difference between babysitting kids and having children of your own,” she says. “With a world you built yourself, and characters you built, there’s this sense of deep, overwhelming love.”

But Rees Brennan is still a fan of collaborative writing and shared universes, as in the short stories she writes with Cassandra Clare about characters from Clare’s Mortal Instruments universe. “It’s amazing to gather around a kitchen table and yell at each other excitedly about what’s going to happen to mutually beloved characters,” she says. “I want that for every creative person – a chance to find their imaginative family, wherever it may be.”

Novik scorns the idea that published authors should turn their back on fanfiction. She recalls being on a panel where one member said he couldn’t understand why someone would waste their time writing it over an original work: “I said, ‘Have you ever played an instrument?’ He was like, ‘Yeah, I play piano’. I said, ‘So, do you compose all your own music?’”

“When I was first published, I deliberately went to my editors and said, ‘Yes, I’ve been writing fanfiction for 10 years. I love it.’ It was non-negotiable for me. As soon as you do that, by the way, it turns out that like half of the publishing industry has read or been involved in fanfiction,” she laughs. “Shockingly! It’s amazing how all these women who like storytelling have some connection to the community.”

For Novik and many other writers, fanfiction is a fundamental a way of expressing oneself, of teasing out new ideas and finding a joyous way to engage with writing again after the hard slog of editing a novel. The journey to become a published writer isn’t a straight line; it’s a spiral, as we grow older and continue to explore the characters and tropes we love. There’s so many stories waiting to be told – perhaps one or two of them could involve getting Captain America laid. God knows he needs it.

#creative writing #books #culture #fiction #fanfiction #The Guardian

4 notes · View notes

showingthroughtome · 7 years

Text

out of our hands

“a five part study on the effects of eye contact on perceived closeness”

Or the one where Harry is a psychology grad student who is running a study, and Adalyn is the girl who signs up for it.

a one shot i wrote for ash last summer that i didnt post on tumblr for some odd reason

read below

Harry had been in school for a long time. A very long time. Years and years and years, is what he'd say if anyone asked.

He did thirteen years of school before he started college and then six since - four years of undergraduate where he got his bachelor's degree in psychology, and for the last two years he'd been working on his master's degree.

He was supposed to be almost done. He was supposed to have seven more weeks until he was out of the collegiate atmosphere. But the forces of nature, or magnetic energies, or maybe even God himself wasn't ready for that. Because somehow, his final research article had been skewed. So much so, that if he couldn't fix it, have it sent for review, and approved before the deadline, he'd have to stay around another semester and conduct his research study all over again.

One of his peer reviewers, this asshole Brennan, noted on his article that his findings could have been altered due to "unaccounted for manipulation". When the board saw that and questioned Harry, he knew right away Brennan was correct. His results wouldn't be significant enough to grant him a well-written article, and Harry wouldn't get his master’s degree.

Thankfully, he had enough time to conduct his study one last time, on one completely new participant. All he had to do was find someone he had never once met before, someone he had no chance of knowing. He went to a friend and asked them to spread the word. After only three days, he heard back, hearing about some other psych major who was always participating in studies - it was her thing, her love.

So here he was, with six weeks to do an entire study, get together a write up, and send it off. And all he had was a name.

Adalyn.

session one

Adalyn was ecstatic about life as of late. She was halfway through her sixth semester of college - only having seven weeks before summer break and having just turned 21 right before spring break. That meant she didn't have to sneak in bars with a fake ID anymore, or pretend to be sneaking when in reality the people just let her stay because her hair was pink and her eyelashes fluttered. She didn't mind having guys look at her in awe, but it did make her feel dirty, slightly sleazy, for using her looks to get her what she wanted.

Other than legal alcohol consumption, age came with a sense of assuredness for Adalyn. She was finally feeling confident in declaring her major, thinking psychology was the right path for her, especially after volunteering for all those research studies over the last two years - any that she qualified for, she would readily go to. It was probably because her freshman year Research Methods class taught her the value of a good sample size and how helpful it is to the experimenter when people actually participate in their study instead of ignoring it completely. (Life tip #1: always fill out a survey honestly and carefully. People work hard at developing those, and sometimes base their whole career on responses.)

Not only did she find the studies to be fun, but they also looked good for grad school applications. Her grades were looking excellent so far, not getting anything but A's since she took English 300 her sophomore year. (Life tip #2: don't take a 300-level class until junior year - not that it's actually that much harder, but they normally suck horribly, so just save yourself the heartache for one more year.)

That's why when her best friend heard from her friend that his friend was conducting a study that called for a new participant as soon as possible, she jumped on the opportunity, figuring it could only do everyone some good.

She had to be in the research building by 10am, not too early and not too late, but still, she found herself rushing there. Her first class of the day got out at 9:30, and the buildings weren't far from each other, but of course she spilt the last little bit of her coffee on her chest when she went to put her notebook in her backpack. She had to run back to her dorm and change into something else.

Originally she was dressed nice, wearing light-wash jeans, a polka dotted blouse, and her favorite pair of oxfords - classy chic was her goal. With the quick change though, she didn't have enough time to find a non-wrinkly shirt so she picked the first folded t-shirt she had in her dresser - a grungy old Nirvana one her older brother let her have (or she stole, who knows, really?).

To say the least, she was out of breath swinging the door open to room 3068 on the third floor of the psychology department's low-tech research wing. She was shocked to find no one in, first assuming she was early. Looking at her phone, it read 10:04, so nope, it wasn't a miracle, she wasn't early. It just happened the experimenter also had bad time management skills.

All that the room held was a table and two chairs placed on either side of it - reminiscent of interrogation rooms. Adalyn could've sworn she saw an exact replica of the room on one of those A&E shows where they recount the violent crimes of various criminals.

Staring at the empty room, she didn't know what to do with herself. Like any sane person would, she plopped her butt down on one of the cold metal chairs and waited. But not for too long, because after just a few scrolls through Instagram, the door was once again swung open and a man walked through - or more so rushed in.

Adalyn first noticed his height, his tall, lanky legs and arms. Then she noticed his age. He was younger than she expected - most people who ran studies were nearly greying or at least old enough to be rocking a wedding band on their finger. This guy, though, looked to be just a few years older than Adalyn.

“Hi!” She popped out of the chair, going in for a professional, strong handshake. The man reacted accordingly, shaking hers for just a second before going about the room, dropping his books off and picking up a clipboard.

“Running a bit late.” Were the first words he breathed. Turning back to Adalyn, he held out the clipboard to her. “These are the consent forms, pretty standard stuff. Just take a look through and sign please.”

“Of course!” Adalyn responded cheerily, not letting one ounce of her day’s misfortune carry into her interaction with this man. Still, he raked his hand through his hair and turned to gather materials.

She sat down and read over the paper. She could've just skimmed and signed it, but what can she say? She's a nerd for this kind of thing. She thought maybe research procedures and release forms could totally be her future. Or maybe after she spent a decade testing the effects of ambiguity on helping behaviors.

The paper had all kinds of fun information though. Not just procedures but researcher information - hypothesis, thesis, compensation. From it, Ashlyn learned the name of the man in front of her, the one who had taken a seat on the opposite side of the table and began fiddling with a timer: Harry Styles, a graduate student looking to explore eye contact in association with perceived closeness.

She signed the form and slid it to the side, waiting further instruction, but without looking up, Harry reached for another form and slid it across the table.

“This is just a self-report survey about any feelings you may have. Please answer as truthfully as possible. My colleagues will be gathering the data so I won't know who said what.” He still didn't look up, just spoke like a machine.

Adalyn nodded, not that it mattered or anything. It was just – well, she just hadn't felt that unnoticed in a long time. Harry didn't have to bask in all her beauty or anything, but maybe a little bit of acknowledgment would've been nice.

She went along with it anyway, because the guy clearly needed it and she was already this far into it. All of the 10 questions on the survey pertained to either how she felt at the moment or how she felt in accordance to the experimenter. It was on a 5 point Likert Scale. 1 being negatively, 3 being no feelings at all, 5 being positively.

Half were 5’s. Half were 2’s.

By the time she completed the survey, Harry was finally done setting up whatever he was doing.

“Alright, thanks.” He said, adding her survey to the pile of papers. “You're Adalyn, correct?”

She nodded. “Harry?”

“Yes. Nice to meet you.” He gave his first half-assed, tight-lipped smile.

It was better than nothing.

“Okay, well in this study,” Harry began reading from a sheet of paper. It was standard protocol for a research study. The conductor of the experiment would read from a sheet of paper detailing what the participant would be doing in the study. It was a way to account for variables across participants, making sure that outside factors, such as experimenter delivery, didn't have an effect on the outcome. “You, the participant, will hold eye contact to the best of your ability with the experimenter for five minutes over five sessions. After each session, you will fill out a survey containing the same questions as the one you did previously. Changes in answers will show an effect of eye contact, the dependent variable, on perceived closeness, the independent variable.”

Adalyn listened closely to the formality of it all. The obsessive compulsion of studies always delighted her in some strange way.

“You may blink, and if you need to stop at any time, feel free to tell the experimenter. Your participation is greatly appreciated.” Harry finished up the short paragraph, lifting his eyes. “Any questions?”

“Nope. Five minutes of eye contact. Got it.” Adalyn ran through.

“Okay, then we will begin when I start the clock.” Harry grabbed the small stopwatch, set it for five minutes. “Now.” He said, initiating eye contact and laying the small device on the table.

There was no way around it, it was fucking weird. Eye contact for a long period of time was just unnatural, anyone would agree. But she couldn’t really do anything about it, except for stare into the eyes of this man who would barely look at her a few moments before – not even other parts of his face, just his green eyes.

It felt like forever, like time was standing still and all she'd ever be able to see when she looked away was that shade of emerald. Or maybe they were more forest-y? Perhaps jade? Adalyn wasn't sure, though she was sure it had to have been five minutes already. The timer must not have gone off.

Right as she was about to drop her eyes, unable to do it any longer, it kind of got nice. Tension felt to have faded, and the awkwardness that is one human being staring into the eyes of a complete stranger fizzled. But before she could be sure that actually happened and she wasn't just imagining it, the timer did go off and Harry sunk back in his chair.

Quick enough, he handed her the second survey, and with just a short goodbye she was out of the door, blinking repeatedly to try to erase the one color was stuck in her mind.

---

Harry sat back in his chair for a long while after Adalyn had left the room. It was weird doing that again, after so many months of not. But even still, it never quite felt as intense with the past participants. Something about Adalyn, with the pink hair and icy blue eyes, had him shaken. Right from the start, he noted how beautiful she was, how happy she seemed, and the eye contact only added to it.

As he tried to gather himself, he couldn't help think of how Brennan would be kicking his own ass for the conclusive findings Harry was sure to get with this rarity of a girl.

That is, as long as he didn’t let the data skew.

session two

Adalyn saw Harry again after that, in between session one and two, when she was in the cafeteria with a group of her loud, obnoxious, lovable, freaky friends. They were quite an eclectic group, varying in race and status and major. They were breaking the rules of homogony on every front which is probably what thrilled them the most - knowing that just by being friends, they were defying societal pressures.

She was eating with them, or rather stealing celery and apple slices off of her best friend’s plate, and looked around to catch the set of eyes that shouldn’t have been as familiar as they were. She shouldn't have been able to look at a guy she spent maybe ten minutes with in total and know every variation of green his irises shifted from. But she did, so she waved, just like any normal person would, any self-respecting friendly human being would.

Harry seemed to snap out of a trance when Adalyn raised her hand, turning away without an ounce of acknowledgement, nodding to whatever his small group of friends were saying. They all kind of looked alike, but just a tiny bit. All but one had tattoos littering their arms. They all wore skinny jeans and easy smiles and joked with each other. Harry looked the most serious.

It was the cold vegetable hitting Adalyn lightly on the face that snapped her out of her examining of the table across the room. She turned towards the one person she knew as the vegetable thrower, her best friend, and gave her best death stare. As it turned out, Adalyn wasn't good at evil so her friend just ended up laughing.

She sat there for the rest of the meal wondering why the fuck she was so obviously ignored.

That was almost a week ago, and even remembering that couldn't throw her off her mood, because she had just gotten an A on a paper from one of the hardest classes she was taking that semester: Abnormal Psychology in Children. It had her bouncing with every step and cheeks aching from an unrelenting grin when she walked in room 3068.

Harry was already there this time, doing something on his phone, possibly texting those friends of his about how to properly blow off someone.

He didn't look up when Adalyn stepped in the room and the door closed behind her.

A, she thought, I got an A.

“Hello!” She chirped as she pulled her chair out. Even if he completely ignored her again, she wouldn't care, she wouldn't let it bother her. I got an A.

“Hello, are you ready to start?” Harry was nothing but business, hitting the lock button on his phone and throwing it into his open bag he had on the floor.

The thing was, he didn't look like a dick who ignored pretty girls or who never wanted to say hello. His face could be soft, in the second before he put a stern look on. The moment she saw him staring, before he realized it, he looked incredibly soft, like if she were to touch him it would be a euphoric experience. Then the fucker would open his mouth and was robotic.

“Yup!” She smiled. I got an A.

Harry nodded once, maybe let half his lips turn upward just a smidge, and then they were off. Adalyn did her survey – marking nearly all fives on this day – and then Harry got out his stopwatch.

This eye contact was like it was before, kind of awkward, mostly uncomfortable, but then about two minutes in (or what Adalyn guessed was two minutes because again, time was weird when you had no way of marking it) she remembered she was supposed to be in a good mood. She kept her eyes locked with this grumpy man and thought of how she could call her parents later and brag about how well she did, about how grad schools would want her, and those student loans would one day be paid off.

Without even realizing it, she felt her lips turning into a grin, how could they not with such positive vibes running rampant inside. It was awkward to sit in silence, stare at a guy, and smile for no apparent reason. She really tried to contain it, to tuck her lips together and keep them solid like Harry's.

It was an ongoing effort that she was certain would last the whole five minutes when suddenly, out of nowhere, it was like she stepped into an alternate universe where Harry could show emotion. Just barely, the corners of his eyes crinkled, and the green of his irises may have lightened just a little. If she were allowed to look away, Adalyn would’ve checked to see if he were actually smiling and that she wasn't just making assumptions due to her learnings in Social Psych about facial expressions.

It was pretty clear that they both were smiling though, so she didn't try to conceal hers anymore and sat – surely looking ridiculous – until the timer went off. And as soon as it did, Harry slid the second survey in her direction.

She filled it out without a problem. She had to remain objective, had to remember the survey was how she felt about the experimenter and not about life in general. Even then, for every question, the score increased by one point.

Finishing the survey, Adalyn thought what the hell and decided she might as well at least see why Harry totally ignored her the other day.

“So I saw you the other day?” It came out like a question when she could've sworn it was a statement.

Harry didn't show any indication that he actually heard her, not moving his focus from some stack of papers. What did he even have to read right in that moment that couldn't wait?

“Yeah,” she continued. “You completely ignored me even though I know you saw me so I didn't figure you'd say anything today.”

A lot can be said about Adalyn, probably just as much good as bad. But no one could never say that she didn't speak her mind. Adalyn would let people decide if that fell under the good or bad category themselves.

In that moment, it got Harry to look up even if his face was back to its cold, distant normality. She didn't falter under the heavy gaze of someone clearly unamused by her, instead sat like she had the entire time, trying her best at unamused as well.

“Listen, Adalyn,” Harry started, then shook his head back and forth, something about it made her feel like he would rather be a million places other than sitting across from her. And that's fair enough, but she wouldn't just let him make her feel invisible without an explanation. “It's best that we don't talk to each other except for the study.”

“Oh yeah?” She challenged, breathing in.

“Yes. It's best not to skew data. This is a study on human interaction at its very core. If we start chatting it up in the cafeteria, then who's to say why you fill out the surveys the way you do. I need to know it's because of the eye contact.”

“You know that's being fucked right now?”

“Then all I can do is ask you to forget about this and leave. If I see you on campus and don't go out of my way to be friendly, or if I seem cold any other time, please forget about it when you're filling out that survey.” He pointed to the paper Adalyn hadn't yet handed back.

Adalyn got the importance of validity to a research study, she took a whole damn class on the subject, so she couldn't really argue, nor did she want to. Not when Harry seemed like a good guy just trying to publish his findings.

Adalyn nodded her head, grabbed her book bag from the ground and swung it over her shoulder, leaving the survey on the table as she exited the barren study lab.

---

Harry didn't mean to be a dick, not really, not ever. Not to a nice girl he hardly knew.

He just couldn't have the study under question again. If he had to find someone else to fill in for Adalyn, then that was even more time and resources down the drain. All he really wanted was to finish his study, and the many many years he's spent learning the ins and outs of human behavior – at least from the psychological standpoint.

Though, something about Adalyn already had him questioning what was supposed to be - what he had learned years ago in Psych 330: Human and Animal Behavior. People weren't supposed to call you on your shit like she did, so upfront and uncaring. People normally don't go straight for the kill, without even properly knowing each other.

That's why, when Adalyn left session two, he went to his old Social Psychology professor and had a nonspecific talk about confrontation theories. And when his professor laughed at him due to his “clear girl trouble”, Harry snorted and cracked a joke instead.

session three

Harry was different at their third session – less grumpy, more easy going. And it wasn't even like he was smiling or making jokes, it just felt like he was less angry when Adalyn met him in that same room. Which was pretty fucking weird, if she did say so. Out of nowhere, he wasn't ignoring her when she showed up, or when she tripped just a tiny bit while sliding into the metal chair. He even smirked at her clumsiness, raised an eyebrow in question of how she could possibly do what she just had. Adalyn was in such shock at his acknowledgement that she couldn't make a sound.

She filled out the survey and all the while felt his eyes on her. It was beginning to make her feel like she had something on her face, or maybe she had forgotten a few buttons on her blouse, showing off her lace bralette that left little to the imagination. After subtlety feeling around her face and looking down at her own chest, she knew neither of those were the reason why.

“Okay, you ready?” Harry accepted the survey she passed to him, almost sounding happy and excited to be doing this.

The shock wasn't wearing off so a confused Adalyn nodded and pulled her seat closer to the table, getting ready.

She couldn't stop herself from watching every movement Harry made, trying to find the exact difference in him, as if it could be seen on his flesh why he was acting decent. It couldn't really, not by the way he reached over for his stopwatch then ran his hand through his long brown locks, tossing it so it fell just in place. That just seemed kind of… Well… Hot.

It was most likely due to his acknowledgement in addition to his obvious attractiveness that had Adalyn noticing how Harry did everything just slow enough to make it seem like a tease, like he was doing it so people would watch him, wait for him, to keep their attention to see what the end result would be.

“Alright.” He broke her out of her head with the word, bringing her to the task at hand. He moved his head in such a way that she knew he was going to start the timer.

Staring in the eyes of someone who could barely say hi to you was a lot different than someone who might possibly think you're alright, Adalyn learned. Because that time, it didn't take the constant reminder of a good grade, or a stroke of magic to make the situation less awkward. It just was.

The tension was still palpable, the air still thick, but it wasn't the same as before. It was easier. She just sat and stared at that same pair of green eyes - even though they might've seemed more vibrant.

Whatever was different about Harry, whatever was making him laugh at her tripping and smirking a hello, also had him bringing so much intensity into the room. Yeah, it was easy to stare at him when he was that way, and yeah, she liked it better, but also, it made her body feel stiff. Like she had to move just to shake off his gaze or else he'd figure out everything about her – every mannerism and quirk, every secret she had kept and lies she had told.

It was both a good and a bad feeling.

Her body was almost aching to move, when for the third time, she was saved by the bell in the form of four little beeps from a stopwatch.

At the sound, both fell back into their chairs, almost in complete sync with one another. A moment went by when the room stood still, and Adalyn felt like what they had just experienced was a moment, a spark in some weird way.

The sliding of a survey in her direction had her forgetting those thoughts. It was the experiment. Not a moment. Not a spark. Harry wasn't light or happy, he was angry. He was just having an off day. Maybe he had gotten a good grade back too, skewing his usual demeanor.

Adalyn stuck to answering the questions as truthfully as possible, getting out of her head about what it felt like to be looked at by Harry and instead only thinking of how she felt towards the experimenter - the random guy who held eye contact with her.

Each question raised one point.

---

Whatever was up with Adalyn that day wouldn't bother Harry, he wouldn't let it. She barely said anything, just nodded the whole time, and still, he wasn't going to let himself think about it as he put SPSS data into the program. He'd run his t-tests, check the p-value, and decide if the results were significant.

After he found out that he got that job at his Social Psychology professors research lab, the stress slid right off his shoulders, just like the bad mood he had been carrying around for weeks. And he wouldn't let some random participant in his study mess that up. No matter how much he enjoyed her hair that matched the color of her lips, or her eyes that could wear down anyone's resolve. She wouldn't ruin his good day. Not one bit.

session four

The weather outside was hot, people were sweaty, hair was frizzing. In psychology, you learn that crime rates go up during the summer for various reasons, one major reason being the fact that heat makes people angry. Adalyn wasn't one of those people, and apparently neither was Harry.

When Adalyn found him in the lab, he was relaxing in his chair, nearly giggling as he typed out some kind of message on his phone. The sight alone had Adalyn checking the sign outside of the door so she was sure she hadn't walked into the wrong room and found Harry's happy twin brother.

3068 the door read. She was in the right place.

Cautiously, and mainly uncertain, she stepped through the doorway, pulling Harry out of his own little world. Almost immediately she felt under pressure. Not only was it so hot outside that she had to wear a tank top and her favorite pair of jean shorts, but now Harry was gazing off at her like he liked what he saw. She could feel the sweat gather at her hairline.

Harry wasn't dressed that much different than normal – black jeans and a button up shirt. Except this time, his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, exposing a scattering of tattoos, and the first few buttons were undone, showing a bit of his collarbone and possibly more ink.

“Hi.” Adalyn greeted, because she wasn't sure what else to do, what else would get Harry to move and hand her the survey.

“Hi.” He snapped back, but not like he was angry like before, but more so like he was caught doing something and needed to distract from it.

Adalyn, of course, didn't miss his eyes move away from her body slowly, almost hesitantly.

She took a seat in the chair – her chair – and for once, she thanked God for the seats being metal due to them cooling her exponentially. She let every part of her body slouch into the cool metal, feeling no shame when Harry eyed her like she was insane.

Adalyn just wanted this to go as quick as possible so she could get back to her Arctic room and ice cream she had waiting for her. Without much thought at all, she filled out the survey as honestly as possible.

She handed it back to Harry with him asking if she were ready. Like always, she was and he set the timer.

Adalyn pretty much knew what was going to happen by the fourth time she locked eyes with the ex-grumpy man who sat across from her for five minutes. It would be slightly awkward, but with Harry's new found cheer and can do attitude, it wouldn't be so bad.

She tried not to overthink why, out of nowhere, he didn't scowl when she entered the room or why he started greeting her with a smile on his face. She didn't need to know really. It was just a better scenery she'd gladly accept.

They were halfway through the process and the chair Adalyn was sitting in wasn't so cool anymore, it wasn't hot exactly, but all that relief she got from it had worn away. Now she was getting hot again. The room was feeling stuffy, and she felt like she just had to move. So, she did. She inched forward in the chair, leaning her elbows on the table and shaking her hair off of her shoulder, being sure to keep eye contact at all times.

Even that didn't do much to make the heat feel less, causing her to question if maybe the room wasn't actually as warm as she thought it was. Maybe it was just the intent Harry had in his eyes that had her skin feeling on fire and shining from the tiniest bit of sweat.

Adalyn kind of liked that idea.

The idea of Harry looking into her eyes so hungrily that her body had a physical reaction. It had her tingling in that good way she never got enough of, so much so that she'd often egg it on.

So basically, she couldn't help that she leaned forward that little bit more, enough to make her small tank top cover even less skin.

It was like she could feel it in his green eyes – how irritating she was being to his study. Nothing else about Harry gave her any indication that he was enjoying her little show, but all it took was the eyes.

And if he let his slip down her neck for just a split second before they met hers once again, she pretended not to notice.

She pretended not to notice while she was filling out the survey, while she was grabbing her things and smiling a good bye to him.

She walked out proud of herself, thinking that the next session would be fun – the last session.

session five

They were staring into each other's eyes for the last time. And it finally felt completely normal, not even awkward at all. Just like two friends. Which Adalyn knew they weren't, she had no delusion of that. But now she thought maybe the next time she waved at him,he'd return a small one at the very least.

Or possibly a big one.

Because Harry was staring at her again, like he wouldn't be able to look away even if this wasn't all for a study, and Adalyn couldn't help but tease him. She couldn't help but slide off the light cardigan she wore in and move her hair to one shoulder - the weather had dropped again, just like usual for this part of the US. Now Harry had a perfect view of an expansive amount of skin, from the V-neck of her t-shirt all the way up her neck.

He was good though, not playing into her efforts, locking even more ferociously with her eyes. That was enough to get Adalyn to lose some of the upper hand, because one can't just stare at someone like that – so kind and wanting – without having the recipient feel something.

This time, Adalyn needed to shift, not because she was feeling stiff or pressure, but because she just had to. Warmth was wrapping around her again but this time it had to be because of Harry and Harry alone. It was on her neck and up her legs and she just had to.

Once she did, momentarily she was feeling a lot better, like she could contain herself and keep her eyes looking into those green fiery ones.

Harry, though, then moved himself, scooting to the edge of his chair and extending his legs under the table enough to bump into Adalyn's. She moved hers out of the way just barely, not so much that they weren’t still nearly touching.

And then the beeps went off, just four small ones. They should've been louder for the moment that it was – the end of the study. But they weren't, they were the same as all the other times.

Adalyn and Harry didn't react much to the noise, fixed on each other. Until Adalyn was moving, surging forward across the table to connect her mouth with Harry's. Harry had no problems responding to that, standing up so the effort wasn't solely left on her, and wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Whoa.” Harry backed up, breaking the kiss and all body contact they had with each other. “Fuck!” He exclaimed, wiping all the evidence of the kiss from his mouth with the back of his hand.

“What?” Adalyn wasn't sure what was so wrong with what she had just done. It was clear that Harry wanted her, he kissed her back so fully that there was no mistaking it. And she waited until the end of the sessions instead of doing it sooner even though she knew she could've. His reaction seemed a bit too much to her.

Instead of replying right away, Harry began pacing the small room, going back and forth in a single line.

“What did I do wrong?” Adalyn repeated. If she were someone different, this would've done a lot to hurt her ego – to see someone react so horribly to a kiss – and even though her ego wasn't hurt, her voice was.

Harry stopped his pacing at once, rushing to the stack of papers on the table. And that's when it hit her. She forgot the last survey – the last survey that could pretty much define his entire research study.

“Fuck!” She stomped her foot, mad at herself for letting desire do something so idiotic.

“Just fill it out truthfully and it'll be okay.” Harry spoke like he was convincing himself, like he needed to hear it so he didn't have to worry.

“Of course I will.” She grabbed the paper from his hands.

Obviously she would fill it out with as much honesty as all the others, because in all honesty, it was a no brainier. Clearly the eye contact had worked. Clearly her perceived closeness was at a five in every way – especially in the way where Harry's mouth tasted like the sweetest honey against hers and his big hand warmed her body.

It took her maybe seconds to fill out the form before handing it back to him. And somehow, in the time she looked away, Harry had appeared on her side of the table. They were closer than they had ever been before, Adalyn noted to herself.

“Good.” Harry looked at her answers for the first time, not putting them straight into an envelope like he normally did. “Where were we?” He asked in one breathe as he slammed the sheet down on the table and brought Adalyn back to his mouth, those hands back on her like they hadn't left. It was all enough to have her giggling while simultaneously trying to keep the room full of that lust.

Before she could even stop herself, she had her hands running down the buttons of his shirt, undoing them one by one. As more skin was revealed, so was more ink, and the need for her to run her tongue along every line. And she would've, too, if Harry hadn’t reconnected their lips as soon as she had disconnected them.

He was acting like he couldn't get enough of the taste of her, which she really didn't mind, not when he swung her around and had her sitting on the table that had kept them separated for the last five weeks.

It was then, with the cold against her legs, that she realized just what was going on and muttered the words, “This is so fucked.”

“What is?” Harry pulled back to look into her eyes. The two sets of eyes knew each other pretty well by then so if anything were wrong, he'd have known just by that.

Adalyn shook her head and laughed. “Your study.”

“Don't say that, it'll kill the mood.” He went back to kissing along the line of her neck.

“No seriously. I mean, you really proved something here.”

“What's that?”

“Stare at someone long enough and they'll want to have sex with you.”

“I've done this with a few other people, and Adalyn, you're the only person who I've ended the study with this way.”

“Damn, Harry. You have such a way with words.”

“Don't I?” Harry was playful it turned out, smiling against her neck. She had no way of knowing that before, but here he stood, slightly undressed and cracking a few jokes.

And his smirk? Well that was enough to drive anyone crazy, and have Adalyn undoing his belt buckle without a second thought – just knowing she wanted him so viscerally right then was enough for her.

Harry had her shirt off nearly as quick. Then, without warning, he slowed down, taking his time to touch every part of her skin, to kiss where he felt like she deserved and to slip her bottoms off gently.

Adalyn would've done well with a quick fuck, a onetime thing from a hot psych student, but she was finding the slowness pretty okay too. Because when he wrapped her legs around his hips, and slid into her like she was something special, her whole world went fuzzy.

She lulled her head back in pure ecstasy as Harry took his time with her, biting marks into her neck that were sure to show sooner rather than later. She felt herself being useless in his arms, and still she couldn't stop being completely wrecked by him – with every forward motion of his hips, pushing her closer to her end.

It was when she finally decided to look up again, to check that Harry was getting as much out of it as she was, that she met his eyes and reached her climax. It came with a mutter of Harry and then a slump of her body even closer to his. Like any respectable man, Harry followed with a little more coaxing of her mouth on his neck – she was determined to leave a few love bites of her own – and a swirl of her hips.

They were both getting dressed again when the first post-sex words were spoken. And from Harry no less.

“That was fun, huh?” He smiled lightly, testing the waters with his offhand question.

Adalyn pulled on her shirt, surveying the room to see no noticeable differences about it.

“Oh, I definitely have no complaints.” She spoke honestly and freely, living high off her orgasm.

That truth seemed to shock Harry. Probably not that she was satisfied but that she wasn't playing games about it.

“None?” He questioned.

“Nah.” She pretended to think on it, then continued. “And I'm not one for lying.”

“Good to know.”

“Yeah. I figure it might be nice for you to know something about me.” Adalyn stepped closer to Harry, who was fully dressed and grinning contentedly at her from the edge of the table he perched himself on.

“I think so too.” He nodded in agreement, checking his watch. “And so in that case, would you want to have lunch with me?”

#1dff #oooh #dusting off an oldie #im sure people who would read this already have but i wanted it here anyway lol #im posting lm tomorrow!

123 notes · View notes

ive-always-been-a-pirate · 7 years

Text

The Other Prince + A CS Modern Royalty AU [Chapter 5]

Modern Royalty AU: HRH Prince Killian has grown up in the shadow of the crown while enduring tragedy and the burdens of being the spare to the heir. With a desire to escape his past, he agrees to play host to the visiting general's daughter in exchange for an eventual life outside royal bounds. Moving on is never that easy though and he quickly learns that being the 'other' prince is even more difficult when you find yourself falling for the girl everyone wants your brother to marry.

Catch Up On Previous Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four Also on FF.net and AO3.

Word Count: 9,453

Okay, I'm sorry this took so long. I got in that cycle of overthinking things and it ended up being much longer than anticipated! Future chapters won't be as long as this one, but I had lots of Killian feels in this one :) so hopefully you all enjoy it! Huge thank you to @optomisticgirl for her endless assistance and support on this story! As always, I own nothing. Happy reading!

The night had barely begun, but Killian finalized his decision with a fifth tug at his pressed sleeve - he hated this bloody suit. Truthfully, he'd never been particularly keen on being properly trimmed and tailored in general so the dismal conclusion wasn't really a wildly drawn one. Killian had spent his fair share of years finding ways around royal dress code, his preference of modern casual easily overlooked due to his charming smile and stellar sweet talking skills - or at least that's what he told himself. It was easy to see why looking so proper was important as a representative of his grandmother's monarchy, but still, that didn't mean he had to like it.

Perhaps it wasn't his current attire that was solely the source of his agitation he noted when the smooth traveling black BMW pulled up to the gates of Buckingham. He'd spent the few hours before sunset arguing with the brand new, trim-tailored, clean lined blue suit - an endeavor that earned a multitude of grumbles and a few countdown texts from his incessantly formal brother. Taking a final glance in the bathroom mirror, he smoothed the maroon and navy striped tie as he settled on what was really bothering him.

The event calling for his recently required clothes was one he'd been dreading for weeks now - a Royal Navy veterans' memorial ceremony where he'd most certainly spend the evening regaling his older brother's military heroism while squandering the need to sort out his own.

The idea that this was his fault on some level had crossed his mind once or twice since he'd returned home. He'd elected to take the route less selected by royals when he'd chosen the British Army instead of sailing the honorable seas. Breaking the tradition wasn't something he'd done by fear or a distaste for the open ocean, but rather a result of his stubborn need to move out from under his older sibling's shadow.

Of course, that was supposing that such a momentous feat was actually possible.

It wasn't that Liam's courageous dedication to the Navy was anything to balk at - his older brother had navigated the crown and their family through murky, troublesome waters several times. His victories were always discussed in bold terms, the admiration just about everyone seemed to have for the man just ahead of him in the succession line rarely something that wavered. Killian had always seen his big brother in that brilliant light, but as they grew older and Liam completed multiple seaworthy rescue missions, it became a lot more difficult to idolize rather than compare with him. The eventual king-to-be had a decent military based resume, but it didn't begin to compete with the near decade long career Killian had endured while flying through front lines of combat. There were certainly a few qualities and experiences that Killian could easily pull rank on, but it didn't really seem worth it to do so.

His brother would always have what he would never - and that plan had been put into place years before Killian was even born. Liam was the right sort of Captain through and through, a leader of the masses not just limited to the sea, but Killian - well, he had always been something a little more rogue.

"If I didn't know any better-" the familiar voice commented as it's owner approached Killian's side. "-I'd say you look mighty uncomfortable, brother. New suit not feeling as dapper as you'd hoped?"

Lifting his vexed eyes to address the man who owned those subtly chiding words and many others was probably overdue. He was, after all, almost a full hour into avoiding social obligation and the brother who so often reminded him about it. Killian knew that feigning surprise at Liam's approaching stance was futile - his only sibling was unusually adept at tracking him down.

"I'd beg to differ," Killian returned, mustering a bit of that second heir charm he reserved for bantering with his brother. "Just because I don't love wearing it doesn't mean I don't look dashing, your highness."

"Hey, don't start," Liam grumbled with a warning glare that slowly turned into knowing amusement, his hand lifting to adjust the collar of his own suit coat. "Besides, if you're looking that pretentious in this traditional get-up, it certainly means I am too, little brother."

Killian grimaced quickly, his agitated gaze narrowing as Liam's grin lit up. He couldn't help but bestow a light nudge to his brother's side and he tried not to grin too widely at the way Liam winced in dull pain. Victory swelled in the smirk Killian was holding back as he remembered their recent rugby scrimmage and recalling the way the high and mighty heir had taken hard hit to the ribs was almost enough to make him forget that they were currently matching in ways well beyond their stupid injuries.

Almost - but not quite.

The whole thing was merely another detail of these obligated events and one that he had lived to loathe since they were boys. Why two adult men needed to dress identically - everything from pressed slacks to the matching jacket with the two toned striped tie - just because they were royal was completely beyond him.

Wiggling his warm toes in his newly shined shoes, he knew it probably wasn't wise to mention to Liam that their attire wasn't totally the same. His older brother never possessed much patience for the subtle act of rebellion Killian insisted upon when it came to concealed footwear, but pulling on one of his many pairs of obnoxious socks was always a temptation not to be ignored. He'd settled on the blue ones with the little boats for this particular evening, knowing that they'd be at least somewhat relevant even if it wasn't completely proper.

"Glad you find my melancholy entertaining as always, Liam," he sighed with a defeated yet still small smirk. "But for the record, it's-"

"Younger brother - I know," Liam replied with a matching curve of his mouth, one that suggested they might be back on good terms. "It'd be a shame to spend the evening brooding in the corner though, Killian. It would probably be wise to hop to it before Cora says anything…."

Killian felt his shoulders straighten uncomfortably at the mention of the woman who'd just entered the large ballroom. The evening was tense and frustrating enough as it was without the presence of their arriving stepmother, but the deep breath he attempted to take seemed to insist that things were only about to get more difficult. Her entry into the esteemed venue commanded attention in a slightly admirable way that Killian still couldn't understand, but he couldn't help but take pride in the fact that she still didn't receive the pure adoration from the public that his mother always had. While she was respected in a specific manner, there always seemed to be an understanding hanging in the air - the quiet reminder that she wouldn't be there if the first wife of His Royal Highness Prince Brennan still was.

She was a replacement and Killian truly hoped she'd never forget that.

Killian held his ground as he watched her move toward them in a boldly red gown clad with a fake smile and jewels that were actually of her own procuring. Cora had come from her own line of distant royalty, a piece of information that Killian was grateful for ever since the first time he saw her sporting a modest diamond tiara. He had always believed his father wouldn't even consider offering her any of the beautiful jewelry that had been stored safely under lock and key since the day of his mother's funeral, but he also knew better than to not think twice about Cora's ability to manipulate. She'd used it to her advantage a few times since marrying into their family and he'd predicted it from the beginning. A tense fight with his father a few nights before the man wedded her was long standing proof of his distrust in the woman who didn't deserve to be any sort of Duchess.

"So that's it? You can just marry her without thought all while pretending that Mom….that she never even-"

"Killian, stop," he'd tried, his shoulders sagging in frustration. "That's not fair. That is not what this about and I think you know that, son."

"It doesn't make it right, not when you can just….forget-"

"I haven't, son," he told him, his voice cracking just enough. "I miss your mother and always will."

"Could have fooled me."

Killian knew he'd never forget the wide eyed reaction he'd earned from his father after uttering those four impulsive words. They'd been chosen angrily and had crossed a line never meant to be breached. He'd spend years trying to figure out how to redraw it, but the tense aftermath of that argument was proof that some things just couldn't be taken back.

Well, perhaps he'd known that for a while now.

"Killian, I just-," he'd said softly with his eyes honest and a watery blue. "It's just….easier that way. It's easier to not let the hurt consume what's left of me. She's gone, son - and I will fight the agony that encompasses that fact until I can understand just why it's any sort of fair….but I can't just….I can't spend the rest of my life being angry about it. I really wish you wouldn't either."

"I can and I will," he'd told his father with a stubborn, emotional voice. "Because she deserves to be remembered and missed every single day - and I won't let her down like….you are."

The pain rushing back alongside Killian's silent reminiscing still cut deeply and he tried to squander the shame roaming through his mind. Though they'd found their way back to a mutual understanding of loving respect, the tension invoked between Killian and his father had never fully smoothed itself out. The reminder of that was immediately brought forth as he caught the sight of the eldest prince. Their glances locked for only a moment - a quick acknowledgement of one another that seemed to somehow mean everything - and Killian felt his body relax as he watched the ailing heir apparent move into the grand ballroom.

Perhaps it wasn't so easy to tell that his father was still endlessly fighting off the effects of his poor health. It was simple enough for Killian and a few other members of the family to see the decline, but they'd spent time with him frequently enough to note the changes each day brought. It wasn't as if the world was oblivious to the man's medical history - they hadn't exactly made it a point to hide much of what the prince's heart had been through in the past. The first heart attack had been so sudden and stressful as it struck in the aftermath of his mother's death and the one that followed had nearly ruined him. The saga continued when multiple attempts for transplants and treatments had been fraught by even more trifling circumstances, ones that still made Killian's head ache with the 'what if' tones of possibility. His father had ended up with an illness on several occasions that prevented operating and there had also been the morning one of the scheduled surgeries was halted as the passing of the beloved Duke of Edinburgh - an honorable icon of the free world but more importantly the queen's husband and the father of the ailing prince - was announced the night before. That had all been years ago and while their family had not denied much, little more was volunteered in addition to what the press concluded.

It didn't mean the questions didn't cross Killian's mind multiple times a day, much as they did with the thoughts of others he supposed. How much time was left? How long would they have to wonder in terms of years and months? Would he still be there to take the place of the Queen when the time came?

Everyone speculated things of that nature often, but the details were vague - and perhaps it was for the best. Strength and consistency were part of what had made his grandmother such a coveted, successful monarch and the last thing they needed was to ignite a concern that the man who was supposed to ascend the throne next wouldn't be well enough to carry a finely crafted legacy.

"He's been looking better lately," Liam commented as they watched their father shake several hands. "Though I doubt he'd miss this even if we insisted."

Always the optimist, Killian thought without retort to his older and much more hopeful brother. Perhaps it was good to have the encouragement of an idealist hanging in the regal air. Perhaps it wouldn't be wrong to allow them both a fraction of positivity despite what was surely a nearing end.

Killian didn't believe it, but Liam needed it - and maybe that was the least he could offer the brother who'd done so much more for him.

"Aye," Killian nodded softly. "He's always been quite the Navy man."

The quiet comment came without much thought and Liam's chuckle almost made Killian forget about the broken spirit possessed by the man they were analyzing. Their father had actually cleaned up well - his garb stitched in the blue threads of the full naval apparel and his beard neatly trimmed. The usually immaculately clean cut man's hair was a bit longer than was typical for approval, but Killian knew no one would dispute such a minor detail. His eyes were still subtly exhausted, but his calculated movements were proof that he was going to fight through the discomfort for at least this one evening. Watching the way his multiple service medals hung on the fabric covering the space just above his weak heart was definitely a sight that made both Killian and his brother nervous, but seeing him as a formal Admiral of the highest rank was unexpectedly reassuring. The pressed, pleated uniform was a huge shift from the knit sweaters and casual pants he wore regularly since his condition had worsened.

"Still is to some degree," Liam told him with a gentle nudge and a brotherly smirk. "I'm glad he felt up to attending. There's supposed to be a few men he served with here tonight I believe, especially since Admiral Nolan is returning to command soon."

Killian cocked his head sideways at his brother's words. He'd heard the name of the man just mentioned a few times over the years, but most recently he'd caught the sound of it in reference to a naval training mishap not long ago. He didn't know the extensive details - only that a storm just off the coast of Scotland one afternoon had nearly claimed the man's life along with several others. Killian had watched many fellow men face injuries and had even witnessed the sudden demise of a fallen few while on the front lines, each tragic instance just as painful as the one before. Watching a comrade meet that thin line between life and death wasn't something he'd ever gotten used to and he felt a small sweep of relief float over him when he was told that the case of a man his brother obviously held in high regard wasn't as bleak as it could have been.

He didn't know the admiral in question, but he knew those tales of tragedy and the opposite outcome made him glad to see a heroic military man escape a fate less than victory.

"Alright, I'm going to go touch base with a few people and I suggest you do the same, brother," Liam nudged him. "I'll catch up with you in an hour or so - don't wander off too far, alright?"

"Aye, aye, Captain."

A swift slap of his arm wasn't enough for Killian to regret his sarcastic quip of agreement. His smirk held steady as he watched his brother disappear into the growing crowd of honorable sailors, the charisma he possessed definitely not something they'd equally inherited. Turning toward the large clock on the wall across the room as it hit the top of the hour, Killian made a quick decision.

He had about forty minutes before anyone would truly be looking for him - and that was plenty of time to indulge in the liquid courage he was going to need to make it through the evening.

Killian had always been rather fond of this particular part of the palace, even though the entire building itself wasn't high on his list of personal sanctuaries. He'd always found some sense of peace on the central balcony of the Buckingham courtyard - well, as long as it was dark out and the majority of the palace was otherwise occupied.

The elaborate space was renowned and Killian had spent his fair share of time enjoying the prestigious view. Of course, he had done so under much more social and unified circumstances before - always alongside the close knit collection of royals while displaying pride and unwavering faith in the crown. He wondered if his love for such a location came from his memories of being there with his family still intact all those years ago - Liam pointing excitedly at the planes overhead while their father grinned and their mother laughing as she'd tried to hold onto her squirming youngest son. No matter the reason, it was easier to stand in such a noticeable place at night now. That was mostly because the elevated terrace was almost concealed in the darkness courtesy of the granite overhang and multiple columns keeping the architecture stable, creating a sense of off limits tranquility. The space below was well lit, keeping the courtyard easy to navigate, but the balcony above was dim enough to pass for a sufficient quiet place. He rested his grip on the smoothly constructed stone railing as he soaked up the irony of hiding in plain sight. It was almost certain nobody would stumble upon him here.

"Well, aren't you a predictable sight?"

Killian felt the pressed fabric of his suit bind a bit, the material stretched thickly as he turned to peer in the direction of the intruding voice. The quickly approaching dusk wasn't helpful and he squinted slightly while his posture straightened in realization of just who would know to find him out on such a specific balcony.

"Gran," he breathed with a hint of a smile, nodding as she came fully into view. "You're back."

Her returned grin was a bit goading yet adoring as ever as she moved to join him on the well known terrace, her stroll slowed and oddly casual. She was dressed with typical pomp in a cream colored gown emphasized by a series of elaborate jewels and he nearly laughed as he realized that such clothing would have been accompanied by a perfectly matching hat if it were daytime. Instead, her graying hair was topped by a pristinely jeweled sapphire tiara - merely one from her collection of so many others - and Killian recognized it instantly as her favorite.

Of course, she'd never admitted to such an opinion, but she'd wore it frequently enough over the years that he and Liam had labeled it as the trademark 'Granny's crown' from very young ages.

"You missed me I take it," she decided, gesturing around the secluded dim balcony of the grand estate. "If you being out here is any indication."

Her eyes were set in an expressive way he'd seen often but never totally been able to decipher, a mix of amusement and slight disappointment while still bearing an emotion that could only be defined as sympathy. He had fallen victim to such looks of pity many times over the course of his life and from a variety of people - citizens from all over, distant relatives, sometimes even Liam, but most often from the longtime monarch herself. It wasn't that she felt bad for him, but more that she shared an understanding of the workings regarding the emotional roller coaster he'd never bought the ticket for but still ended up riding anyway. She'd always been a perceptive observer of his hidden sadness and it was perhaps because she carried a wealth of it herself. His grandmother had dearly loved the tragically taken princess from the instant the pair were introduced and seeing the toll that loss took on the family as well as the country wasn't an easy sight to behold, even for a remarkable woman who was sixty years into her reign.

"Always," Killian answered earnestly, accepting her gentle embrace and offering his usual peck on her cheek. "Dare I believe the same?"

"That I missed you? Well, I was hardly given the opportunity to before I caught news of just what you've been up to in my absence," she replied with a firm yet curious tone. "I suppose we should discuss that."

She looked almost as uneasy as he felt, but only for a moment until she let out a receptive sigh. He'd been trying to muster an excuse or a deflection since he'd heard she was headed home via voicemail from Liam that morning. There didn't really seem to be a proper way to make himself out to be innocent in this particular situation, but he knew he had to say something.

"I guess….but, I do want you to know that I didn't….I just-" he attempted, eventually shaking his head with a frustrated breath. "-I didn't intend to bring poor attention to us, especially not while you weren't here to reprimand me instead of Liam doing so. Trust me, I would rather it was you. I know it was….wrong though….and I didn't mean for this to be what you came home to, your highness."

"Well, no need to get formal now, Killian - it's only us here," she countered with a gentle smile. "I'm just trying to gather the facts, unfortunate as they may be."

"I know, Gran, but I'm sorry-"

"My dear boy, I'm not here for your apology," she assured him. "If there's one thing I've grown to find endearing about you, it's that vivacious spirit you inherited from your mother. She was the same in a way, you know."

The comment brought a familiar smirk to his mouth as he recalled a few circumstances in which his mother had broken royal protocol in her own style - everything from refusing the regular palace schooling program for her sons to her inability to keep from hugging the abandoned orphans on her service trips to illness ravished countries. She'd never really been one to do things by the regal book and while it had infuriated many of the traditional members of their elaborate government, Killian believed that it was part of what made her so relatable and easy to love.

After all, there weren't many other princesses who secretly wore tennis shoes beneath the occasional ballgown.

"Yeah," he said with a weak smile. "She was."

"Well, we've got a bit of time before the evening commences," she decided, taking a seat on the granite bench close by and patting the empty spot at her side. "So why don't you come tell me what this whole thing was about?"

Killian hesitated a moment, scratching behind his ear anxiously as a soft breeze drifted briefly across the balcony. He'd been teetering on some form of pins and prodding needles since the morning Liam retrieved him from the police station. The possibility of having to face accountability for his impulsive actions a few nights earlier had caused him to dodge his older brother with a hope that his guilty conscience would eventually drop away. He'd settled with the knowledge that it might not and in that case, he'd be facing off with Liam in a bantering battle he'd fought a few times before. Having to explain himself to the queen though - or rather, the temper driven and very idiotic version of himself - was a little more intimidating and Killian struggled to summon the hazy, hangover inducing memory of that evening as he staggered toward the open seat.

He hadn't planned on elaborating, but this was his grandmother after all - and this woman was always one to do the unexpected.

"I don't suppose it would help if I admit that I don't exactly recall most of what happened that night."

"It definitely doesn't assist your case in a positive way," she agreed. "But I like to think I'm a fair judge when it comes to the mild transgressions of my grandson, even if they've been largely misguided in the past. So what happened? As much as I typically trust your brother, I'd be a downright fool to believe that happened at an afternoon rugby match."

Her sight gestured toward the slowly healing cut on his lower lip and Killian tested the tender wound with a slight scrape of his teeth. It didn't hurt much anymore, but the frustration he still felt regarding the whole ordeal made him wonder just what sort of scar might remain afterward.

He realized silently that it might not be the sort that would merely mar his dashing good looks.

"I guess the fight started with Will Scarlet's thoughtlessly intoxicated mouth and ended with me stepping in when I shouldn't have," Killian started, glancing out over the darkened palace grounds. "It all got out of hand quicker than I expected it to, but when the insults directed toward our lineage started getting tossed about, I guess I just….had to do something."

"Ah, defensive to a slightly reckless degree then," she smirked. "I'd ask what was said, but I'm sure it's not anything I haven't heard before. I appreciate you being protective, Killian, but would I be wrong to say that I don't think this whole thing is about last night?"

He scoffed quietly, shaking his head in a light fashion. The night was already quite lightless, but she'd still somehow picked up on the presence of some underlying cause. It didn't surprise him all that much - his grandmother was intuitive to an almost unfair degree.

"I don't know what else it could be about," he lied teasingly, lifting an eyebrow in deflection. "Just that Irish temper you know."

"It's hardly fair to blame your late grandfather's heritage for such an outlandish evening, but I can take a hint I guess," she told him in return. "So I'll just say this - we both know I appreciate you doing your royal duty of keeping things interesting around here, but I'm merely going to request that you do so when I'm in the country, dear. Observing from a distance isn't nearly as timely, even with the news circulating through social media so rapidly."

"Ah," Killian said, silently grateful for her mercy. "Does this mean you've gotten the hang of Twitter while overseas?"

"I'm afraid the feud between that bird and myself is ongoing and I'll likely end up hiring someone to sort it out for me soon enough," she sighed with a small smile. "But I'd appreciate it if you'd be willing to lighten the publicity workload for a bit. It would be nice not to have to issue a statement on anything for a little while."

Killian let out a light breath of respite as he watched her gaze soften. He knew he'd never fully understand just why the woman with an unmatched sovereignty always tended toward leniency with him, but the hint of sympathy in her expression reminded him that he didn't need to comprehend it - he needed to be thankful for it. His grandmother had every right to scold him above and beyond everyone else, but once again, she was choosing not to. The tender grace in the moment was comforting and he nodded firmly in agreement.

"That's more like it," she grinned, patting his leg. "I ought to get inside I suppose. Your father is probably about ready to send out the corgis in pursuit of me if Liam hasn't done so already. You'll be along soon I trust?"

"Aye," he promised, helping her to her feet and kissing her cheek. "Good to have you back, Gran."

"Yeah, yeah," she bantered with a wave of her hand. "We'll see if you still feel that way once I put you to work."

"Oh?"

"I'd say it's about time for something new," she replied, considering him quietly. "Stop by garden lake tomorrow morning around nine and for lord's sake, make sure you do something about that hair on your face. I'm quite sure your brother might know where to get it trimmed up - or removed entirely, if you're open to my preference."

"A trim it is then," Killian countered with a clever grin. "See you then, Gran."

A quick wink was her only reply as she moved toward the doorway. Killian decided he'd find clarification on just what that little taunt meant later before he checked the time on the shiny silver watch he'd recently acquired, noting that his little segment of solitude was likely nearing its end. He knew he'd be expected to be present for Liam's welcome speech and his grandmother's remarks, both of which would probably be underway in roughly twenty minutes or so. Reaching back into his jacket pocket, he fumbled around for the metal flask he'd stowed there earlier. Surely a quick dose of rum would make him more amenable in regards to playing spare for a few more hours.

"Ugh, damn shoes…."

He'd barely uncapped the metallic container when he realized he wasn't alone in a search for temporary solace. The not quite casual sentiment was voiced in a bit of a breathless tone from the courtyard. The soft gasp that followed made him almost sure it wasn't meant to be heard by anyone, but it had gathered his attention despite his previous determination to ignore anything but the concealed libation he was hoping to drink. Killian rocked on his heels a bit before he moved toward the railing with a careful stride, his neck craning to see what was causing the noise from the enclosed area below.

His eyes widened fast before squinting back into focus and his heart quickened, its gentle beat suddenly keeping time with the clicking of shoes that weren't his as he leaned on the engraved barricade in concentration. Killian shook his head once, checking for some sort of a daze as he reminded himself that his view wasn't the work of an alcohol addled brain. Pressing his lips together in a fine line, he stared ahead with little disappointment that his plan to hide out hadn't been foiled by the Queen alone.

No, there was someone else who was apparently looking for the same breath of fresh air he'd been in search of - and she was much more unanticipated than anyone else who could have found him stowing away outside.

Her slow moving and rather intriguing figure was unusually easy to spot despite the lack of daylight in the open space just one flight below where he was standing. Killian's free hand rested gently on the smooth stone balustrades he'd clung to many times over the course of his royal upbringing as he watched her. It should have been more difficult to see in such concealed circumstances, but his curious eyes endeavored to take in the details of the woman who was some sort of stranger to a place he knew far too well. She didn't appear lost but merely stranded in a way he immediately understood and his brow knit as he tried to figure out why he was so instantly labeling her as a kindred spirit. She didn't seem like a royal and he was somehow positive they hadn't met before.

No, he'd remember a girl like this one. The strangely hypnotic sight of her made him sure of that.

It didn't take a keen observer to realize she was completely captivating, but a man with a watchful eye is certainly what she tempted him to be. Her hair was blonde and it tumbled down her back in waves that told a story he didn't know but longed to hear while several strands framed the face he wished he had a better view of. Her dress wasn't over the top - a feat to be admired after the various fashions he'd seen at these events - and the white material clung delicately to her slender body from her shoulders down to the cobblestones and concrete. The pattern it created along her arms and around her collar was harder to decipher beneath the cover of night, but he knew it completed the simple gown elegantly. They didn't typically encourage event guests to explore the courtyard without proper security close by, but Killian was struggling to be annoyed by this particular breach of the rules.

He'd come to the balcony for a few moments of nothing before expectation pushed him back into his second place role. He'd been hoping for some of that rare silence he managed to attain once in awhile and perhaps a quick drink to soothe the demons deep in his soul, but here he was instead - a man with unknown company in the form of this girl and her sense of subtle rebellion.

It didn't take long for him to realize that he had questions - ones that might take more boldness than he'd find inside of his flask. The thought had barely prodded him when he suddenly lost his option of alcohol as the suddenly slippery container tipped off the railing and dropped to the solid ground below with a faint clang.

Dammit, he scolded himself silently as a rush of hot embarrassment filled his cheeks. So much for grace and good form.

"Son of a b-...I mean, uh," a quavering yet sweet voice started, the sound of pure curiosity meeting his ears. "Is….someone up there?"

Killian slumped slightly, his posture pulling him back out of sight a moment as conflict filled his head. He knew she was looking for him - or well, someone - with what were surely very focused eyes. He could feel the silent burn of her searching as he took a slow breath and adjusted his hold on the firm stone barrier. His palms pressed flat against the granite as his eyebrows furrowed and the reminder of who he was sunk back in, putting a pause on the nervousness his clumsy move had created.

Nervous? Why was he nervous?

Sure, he'd made a slight fool of himself even if he did remain unseen and perhaps he'd been staring a bit too long. He wasn't exactly being the gentleman he knew he could be, but Killian soon recalled one fact that shoved him back into a realm of cocky confidence.

He was a prince - one with a respected connection to the building surrounding them - and she was the one who was very much out of bounds. He didn't exactly have to be a gentleman in this case.

"I, uh….sorry, lass," he said as he straightened himself and cleared his throat quietly. "I didn't mean to startle you."

She peered up at him with the most beautiful sense of bewilderment he'd ever seen, her lips quirking up into a stunned smirk that faded as fast as it had arrived and her eyes fell upon him cautiously. Killian didn't know a simple look like the one she was offering could make his pulse pound and his mind race chaotically, but as he looked down to where she was waiting, he found himself distracted by every detail she possessed.

She'd removed her shoes - well, one of them anyway - and the dark heel had been dangling from her fingers while she was walking. He wondered a moment if her uneven footwear was the cause of the annoyed exclamation that had first alerted him to her presence and he mused slightly at the idea of her being an actual Cinderella type.

He retracted the idea almost immediately however. She didn't really seem like a typical princess - or at least she definitely wasn't like the ones he'd met before.

"Oh, you….you didn't," she fibbed in a rather unconvincing fashion. "I just didn't think….anyone else would be out here."

"Oh - well, I'd dare say our state of surprise in that area is….equal," he returned, his shoulders relaxing as he slipped back into his charming routine. "With the exception of you being down there rather than up here, lass."

"Can't really blame me though," she told him with a gesture toward the platform he'd been using as a hideout. "Kind of a highlight of this place, isn't it?"

"I suppose it's somewhat of a sight to behold, though typically palace visitors aren't encouraged to be out here without staff - and almost never at night."

"Oh, I didn't….know," she stammered with a glance toward the glass covered entryway. "I guess I should have realized-"

"Oh - no, it's okay, lass," he cut in with a voice of understanding. "I….won't tell."

Killian felt his stomach flip flop the moment the reassurance left his lips. He wasn't sure where the need to keep some menial secret came from, but he couldn't deny that he liked the idea of the small connection it build between them. He knew he should prompt her to head inside - it may have even been his royal duty to do so. Yet as he watched her conflicted position, he decided that wasn't the route he was about to take.

He wanted to see just how this spontaneous encounter was about to play out, even if it meant bending the regal code just a bit.

"Something about that decision makes me think maybe you're not supposed to be out here either," she concluded with a tilt of her head, her words making him nearly drop his suave facade. "How'd you even get up there?"

He had managed his stealthy escape to the balcony by way of the knowledge he'd gathered over the years, his feet well aware of just which staircases to climb and what doors to slip through. He mulled her question over as he wondered if confessing his title and the information that came with it was wise.

Maybe not, he decided silently. As much as he wanted to know more about her, he knew putting himself on a pedestal probably wouldn't invite her to be honest. It wasn't that he planned on lying, but rather just….not offering her the whole truth. His teeth toyed with his tongue as he convinced himself that it was the fair road to take.

After all, he'd likely never see her again once they left this conversation behind.

"All about who you know I guess," he said vaguely, leaning forward a little. "So what brings you out here?"

"Oh, I….well, I just-" she tried with a soft exhale. "-I guess I'm not really fond of this sort of thing."

"The gala or your current chat with the stranger on the balcony?"

She laughed lightly, a sound that suddenly drew his mouth into an amused smile. He bit back the reaction almost instantly while hoping she hadn't noticed. The surrounding night plus his higher position had given Killian some kind of interesting upper hand and he decided it was best to hold onto it.

"Royal gatherings in general I guess," she explained. "I was just hoping to get some air before the formal stuff starts. I'm guessing you're doing the same?"

"Something like that," he chuckled as he tried to maintain his masquerade of mystery. "I'm not much for this stuff either."

"So you're not a Navy guy?"

"Can't say that I am," he divulged. "I'm afraid it does run in the family though."

"Mine too - well, at least with my dad. He kind of coerced me into attending the ceremony tonight."

Killian tilted his head a fraction, studying her slim outline in inquiry. He hadn't pondered the thought that she was there for such an rational reason. He knew it was mostly because he'd been so consumed with his own misery, but it seemed like she was very much in the same boat - pun not at all intended.

"I guess I just….have a hard time with this whole 'hanging out with royalty concept'," she continued with a sigh. "No offense to tradition, but the whole system of crowns and thrones just feels a bit archaic."

Killian felt his stance go rigid as he absorbed her slight accusation. It was quickly obvious that she didn't know who he was and he wondered what else he might tempt her to say - a chivalrous approach be damned. It wasn't fair to do what he was considering, but his curiosity was too strong to brush off.

"Aye, definitely can be it seems," he agreed with a bit of smugness. "Pretentious for sure - maybe even with a little entitlement. You've met them I take it? The Royal family?"

He waited anxiously for her answer, his wondering as to whether she'd crossed paths with his father or Cora or even Liam making him simmer with an underlying emotion he couldn't pinpoint. He couldn't explain why he cared about what she'd been up to, but his desire to hear about what she'd been immersed in while inside was tangled up in a need to know.

"Just briefly," she answered. "The older son of the heir only though. He's actually a genuinely nice guy from what I could gather - he knew my dad."

It was difficult to ignore that strange pang of something in his stomach, but Killian tried to do so as he tapped his fingers on the railing. He knew later he'd probably think more about just how this mystery girl and his brother had met, but for now, he had more inquiries to resolve.

"Ah, I'm sure he is," Killian countered with an evasive curiosity. "Didn't run into his brother though?"

"Prince….Killian or something, right? No, I didn't," she answered, her voice curling around his name in a way that fascinated him. "I'm not even sure if he even decided to attend this thing tonight."

Killian shifted on the heels of his new shoes as he mused at her conclusion. There was an impulse to react, but he fought back his instincts as he decided to prod her a little more. What she'd surely say was probably not anything he hadn't been labeled as before, but his defenses lifted while he found a response.

"Yeah, he doesn't really seem like the type for a formal affair like this," he fibbed. "What led you to that particular verdict though?"

"Well, you just hear things….and read things."

Of course she'd fallen victim to the somewhat true and false reports he'd stacked up in those several years between his gap year and Sandhurst - possibly even a few tales from his younger and very cavalier life as well. While she had every right to make the same assumptions others did, Killian found himself slightly irritated that she'd done so.

After all, she didn't know him - and they'd never even met as far as she knew.

"I suppose he's something of a wild card," he retorted evenly. "Kind of the black sheep from what one can tell. You've got to wonder what drives that rebellion of his."

"Can't say I know much about him, but I'd doubt it's rebellion as drastic as drinking on the Buckingham balcony," she teased as she leaned down to retrieve his dropped flask. "I don't think even a guy who kinda owns this place would be that bold. I'm surprised you are."

Killian smiled, trying to shove aside the slightly jabbing feel of that guilty thorn in his side. He briefly pondered the idea of calling her on her vague judgements, but she did know his name - and maybe there was a chance she would match his face to the moniker as well. He wasn't ready to risk that, but as he felt the air thicken, he summoned another idea.

Turnabout's fair play, he decided as his tongue lingered on his bottom lip.

"Maybe not," he started smoothly. "But I suppose it's only fair I get to know name of the woman who plans to turn me in?"

"It doesn't seem that fair actually," she replied, her hand still holding tight to the flask. "You haven't told me yours."

A couple of different possibilities - or rather, tiny lies - ran through his mind as tried to pick the path of least destruction. The truth wasn't an option and the ticking minutes weren't about to allot him much more time to entertain his anonymity. He couldn't leave her without an answer though.

The question of how he was supposed to go about telling this girl about his all too formal identity wasn't about to fade away, but an answer he could deem suitable wasn't within grasp. Killian pressed his lips together in consideration as frustration built a dilemma between them. How exactly do you go about casually divulging that you're one of the two princes the world knows rather well?

You don't, he thought in silent resolution - so he wasn't going to.

"I'm….nobody too important, love," he finally said, cowardice taking hold of his tone. "But you-"

His deflecting statement was suddenly cut short by the sound of distant applause, the sort that beckoned him back inside with a twinge of warning. Killian felt his nerves liven as he looked quickly at his watch only to find how late he was. Only about five minutes - but his brother was still definitely going to kill him.

"I guess that's a cue," she told him, a half smile tugging cleverly at her lips. "For me, at least."

"Aye, it seems so," he agreed as he tried to cling to a few more seconds of whatever this was. "Good luck in there - and sorry for….infringing on your escape. I suppose we can keep each other's secret, right?"

"I guess we should," she assured him as she battled with her shoe once more. "The company wasn't too bad actually though so….thanks for that."

He smirked quietly as he found he couldn't manage to disagree. He hadn't told her much of anything - not many of the actual facts, of course - but his side of the conversation wasn't full of complete dishonesty. He wasn't a man of great importance, especially in terms of this particular evening. She hadn't been wrong about him and his avoiding ways either. It hardly mattered though - this wasn't anything but two isolated ships passing on a rather dull night.

"Hey, umm," she said with a inquiry heavy on her breath. "This isn't the part where you kidnap me for ransom or something when I try to return to the palace, right? Because I don't really have much to offer in the way of royal riches."

He perked up slightly at the sound of good humored and possibly somewhat concerned question. His heart seemed quicken a bit as kept her stare trained on him. There was a cleverness to this girl he'd never planned on meeting and he let a smile slowly encompass his lips as they soaked in the last few moments of their bantering conversation.

"Wasn't planning on it," he laughed lightly. "I've got a few other things to attend to, fortunately for you."

"Okay, good….and in that case-" she replied with a small pause. "It's Emma. I'm Emma, I mean."

Blinking lazily, Killian gave the letters a second to rearrange themselves in his head. He watched the night carefully conceal the slender shape of the the girl who'd become a little less of an enigma with the breath of that single name.

"Emma," he repeated to himself with a surreal smirk.

For a night meant to be shrouded in defeated dread, it was sure shaping up to be strangely victorious.

Killian found himself immediately distracted as he moved through the grandiose doors and back into the packed ballroom. He wasn't totally sure how many attendees had been slated for the evening's festivities, but certainly hadn't prepared to see quite this many. The majority of the guests were men - both decorated sailors and other government officials alike - and the presence of heroic medals adorned with the utmost valor was staggering. It seemed that most of them had arrived alongside a companion and the mix of well dressed wives and dolled up girlfriends instantly made him wonder.

Where had she gone?

He'd been tempted to follow her inside the moment she left his sight and perhaps intercept her trek back toward the main stage, but retrieving his flask from the statue base where she'd left it was a more necessary task to undertake. He couldn't chance leaving unattended alcohol near such a popular point of the palace grounds, especially because he knew it might be traced back to him given his recent bout with the stuff. He'd ducked outside fast once more upon reaching the lower level, snatching the container and slipping it back into his jacket with haste. It was tempting to linger there in an effort to take in the same air she'd been breathing only moments earlier, but the vibration of his phone as it nearly fell out of his opposite pocket was a reminder that someone was surely irritated with his absence - and it didn't take a bloody scholar to figure out just who.

"Dammit, Killian," Liam hissed, grabbing his arm as they met to the side of the presentation platform. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Take it easy, Liam," he bit back, shaking off his sibling's hold. "I said I'd be here and I'm here. Right on time too so don't get your knickers in a bind."

The queen's opening words were well underway and Killian focused on her presence for a moment. She never failed to make leadership look so properly effortless, her etiquette perfect as ever as she vocalized her gratitude for the service of the Navy men and the sacrifices they made. He'd always loved watching his grandmother speak and the fact that Liam was so determined to interrupt his listening was annoying on a level only his older brother could manage.

"I am quite sure it's not me who's about to be a little frantic," Liam said in a hushed tone as he shoved a crisp note card toward him. "You've been recruited to help."

Killian narrowed his eyes in confusion before his sight fell to the thick paper he'd just been handed. The flawless speech his grandmother was delivering became a dull mumble in his ears as he processed what was scrawled in perfect penmanship his stare battled with.

No, he thought as his heartbeat faltered a bit. No, no, no.

"Hey, calm down," Liam said, clapping him on the shoulder as he sensed the multiplying waves of anxiety crashing into the room. "She just wants you to say a bit - welcome a few people is all. Then it's all me, brother."

The whole thing should be you, Killian thought with a hard swallow. He had barely been able to coax himself through the palace doors earlier and now it was being requested that he take the space behind the podium for a few simple lines.

Well, they'd be simple for anyone else - the Queen, his older brother, probably even his ill father - but the tension in his body and the numbness of his tongue told him this was not going to be any sort of easy. When it came to public speaking, 'simple' wasn't in the cards for him.

"Once again, we are elated to have each and every one of you here this evening to celebrate all you do in the service of our country," Gran said with a formal farewell tone before glancing toward the pair of them. "Before we continue celebrating our guests receiving high honors, my grandsons have a brief message they would like to share. I ask you to welcome them not only as wonderful representatives of the throne but also as fellow servicemen. I know their gratitude certainly ranks alongside my own. Without further ado, two of our royal Captains I'm delighted to have here tonight - Liam and Killian of Wales, representing the Royal Navy and the British Army respectively."

The applause in the large room was deafening enough to drown out the anxiousness flowing through Killian's veins as he followed his older brother up the few steps to where their quick speech would commence. He was loathe to look up over the seemingly endless crowd as Liam adjusted the microphone and put on his most charming smile. The heir in him was obvious as he vocalized his prepared words smoothly, his confidence never wavering as the blur of faces looked on. He'd always had a way with commanding attention while still inviting adoration.

That trait had skipped over Killian and replaced itself with the handsome but slight arrogance he was trying to muster as Liam nodded, beckoning him closer.

"We are, uh, beyond grateful to have such an esteemed audience here this evening. Each of you sacrifice and strive to….make our country a better, safer place," Killian started, hoping he wasn't mimicking his brother too obviously - it wasn't like he'd been paying attention. "We are thrilled to welcome back to service several men who've….who've risked more for our citizens and sovereign than could ever be expected."

Catching Gran's hopeful smile followed by Liam's steadying gaze nearly sent him into autopilot, his remaining speech hazy and his hands still trembling by the time his brother took over again. Liam's short biographies for the handful of honorable attendees the royal family was recognizing sounded faintly in his ears as he scanned the crowd. He was too busy trying to calm his shaken spirit to realize just what he was scouring the silent group of people for - until he found it.

Well, until he spotted her, of course - and lord, she was even more curiously captivating beneath the low lighting encircling them.

He nearly missed it - a fast flash of shock and knowing drifting over her features as their gazes fused quietly. It was a war he suddenly felt destined to lose so he could gain something even he didn't understand and his brain fought like mad to recall the name she'd left him with. It was a task of quick deduction, but not one that completely drowned out his brother's resumed introductory sentences.

"We feel especially advantageous on this particular evening to extend a hand to one of our most respected leaders of the armed forces - Admiral David Nolan, a man who had truly braved a variety of treacherous waters in order to be here with us now," Liam carried on as Killian held onto the stare of the graceful woman adorned in a pale lace dress. "We feel beyond fortunate for his presence and wish to offer a warm welcome to the supportive family he has joining him tonight-"

Killian took in the nervous sight of her as she glanced sideways, the breaking of their eye contact making his eyes follow hers. It wasn't difficult to piece it all together, even with the view of the woman he'd spent the evening fixated on. Killian's stomach sunk slowly as he watched the Admiral being recognized - pristine blue uniform, proud stance, an expression that seemed emotional as well as grateful all at once, and the accompanying grace of a dark haired woman at his side. There was another notable presence in close proximity to the honored couple - the one of the unknown girl who'd tilted his regal world slightly off its axis only a fraction of time ago.

Not possible, Killian told himself as realization slammed into him.

"-Mrs. Mary Margaret Nolan and their daughter, Emma."

Everything seemed to freeze in place as her wide eyes beamed with recognition, the moment of them placing one another much more intense than either could have planned on. Bloody hell, Killian thought as Liam's sudden elbow to his ribs pried his gaze away from hers. Of course this would happen to him. Of course he'd end up in such awkward circumstances.

The beautiful blonde from the courtyard was the Admiral's daughter - and her current embarrassed expression confirmed that she knew exactly who he was.

Tagging some lovely folks: @xpumpkindumplingx, @themmaswan, @harryandthecambridges, @spartanguard, @eala-captian, @allietumbles, @kmomof4, @laschatzi, @galadriel26, @timeless-love-story, @lifeinahole27, @kat2609, @msres, @captainswanismyendgame, @lovelycssefan, @hooksheroicheart, @captain-odonoghue, @gonzothegreat90, @cat-sophia, @rebelcxptain, @prairiepirate, @yesplskillianjones, @jennjenn615, @xhookswenchx, @heomomka, @fckyesroyals, @lenfazreads, @cherrywolf713, @lucasxdorothy, @hollyethecurious, @fairytalesandtimetravel, @lillyanjones, @pirateherokillian, @shipsxahoy, @phiralovesloki, @jscoutfinch *Just send me a message if you’d like a tag in future chapters :)

#cs ff #cs au ff #cs royal au #prince!killian #cs fic update #finally #killian jones #emma swan #captain swan #the other prince

134 notes · View notes

hellyes-tommccamus · 7 years

Photo

Mutant X [TV] (2001-2004)

S01E11 “Whiter Shade of Pale”

[spoilers]

Sci-fi/action

Tom McCamus plays a main role in season 1

Another episode named after a song an English rock band, this time Procol Harum. The song is a good choice for the title, thematically it matches the episode as it is about love and loss, and also the lyrics “her face at first just ghostly turned a whiter shade of pale” could describe Danielle, on a couple of levels.

Brennan and Jesse visit the safe house and Neil (Xuan Fraser), whose New Mutant power is not needing much sleep. Not a flashy power, but I’m sure most people would find it useful. He has brought a cyto filter from a Dr Hollis. From what I can gather this is a consumable used in centrifuges, not something awfully technical but I guess Adam can’t use the Sanctuary as a shipping address (at least not since three mailmen got lost in the mountains). Adam has sent a new prototype genetic sequencer to go back to Dr Hollis. As new genetic sequencers are still being developed today I’m agreeing that this is a realistic thing for Adam to have made. But then Brennan says it is designed to restore the DNA of New Mutants and well, that’s not what sequencers do. They “read” the DNA code, which is made of nucleotides A G T and C so that it can be studied. If they had only given it some kinda phoney sci-fi name. But an invisible “ghost” takes the sequencer and hurls things at them to escape.

Adam tells Emma that he knew someone was going to steal it so he installed a tracking device in it. Maybe, I dunno, have some security? Oh no sorry that would ruin the plot. Emma can’t understand why Adam is so blasé about the theft. He thinks it was stolen by a mutant with out of control mutating DNA (this again?) Adam knows it was a Stealth New Mutant, which I imagine would fit into the molecular category. Adam says they are able to emit an aura that reflects light, which is the basic principal behind real life stealth tech. Hey, even my friendly neighbourhood military contractor has their own stealth system based on reflecting light. Emma is pretty baffled by Adam’s reactions (might have been a good time to use her telempathy, or did they cut the scene where she had to promise not to use it on her team?). He sends her and Shalimar to investigate at the safe house, even though Jesse and Brennan are already there.

Aldus Burke (Christopher Bolton), who Mason introduces as an informant, has news about a piece of Mutant X tech that has gone missing. Mason isn’t interested until he hears it was stolen by a stealth New Mutant. In this short scene he gets Aldus’ name wrong twice, presumably on purpose.

At the safe house, the girls pretty much state the obvious about Adam probably knowing who stole the sequencer. He usually does know from powers alone, so it’s not exactly unusual. Then Shalimar does something that is not only bad science but also bad health and safety. The thief hit the van window on their way out and Shalimar finds some blood on a piece of glass. Bad science: don’t touch blood, you’re contaminating evidence. Bad health and safety: don’t touch blood with bare hands (always assume it is infectious) also don’t touch broken glass with bare hands. Didn’t anybody on the show think to mention this? (Perhaps I am too fussy and would be banned from film sets).

Adam runs a test on the blood. I’m not sure why there’s an animation of blood every time Adam analyses some. Looking at blood cells under a microscope wouldn’t really help. And despite being a genius geneticist all he can tell is that it is from a female New Mutant. Shalimar questions this, and he says he can barely identify the DNA as human as it is so deteriorated. And to that I’m going to say balderdash.

Jesse and Brennan get a location on the sequencer and Adam goes to investigate alone. Conveniently it’s fall and the person whose house Adam has gone to has decided to give up raking leaves and just have them coating their driveway evenly so their footprints are completely visible even in stealth mode. We’ve previously seen Adam dismissive and cynical on the topic of love, so he disappoints me by being instantly all over Danielle (Guylaine St-Onge). They clearly have some history together but then Aldus shows up, accompanied by one GS Agent, maybe because for some reason Mason won’t accept him into the GSA. Aldus reveals himself as a feral and brutally attacks Adam to get the sequencer. Danielle goes stealth and tells Adam to meet her later. Back at Sanctuary Adam dismisses his team’s concerns and goes off to sulk. There’s the problem with an open plan home, there’s no real private places to be alone.

Adam looks at the DNA samples again. Emma comments that the chromosomes look splintered. Damage to DNA is actually unlikely to be visible to that extent. Chromosomes don’t break like split ends of hair. Pieces may break off entirely due to damage by for instance radiation, but cells are smart and like to repair themselves where possible, so the ends get stuck back together. Not always the right way round, but at least they try.

Emma probes about the Stealth New Mutant, and Adam at first accuses her of reading him but then tells her he met Danielle sixteen years ago when he was working at Genomex and she was struggling with her powers and they fell in love. Now I don’t believe Adam could possibly have started work at a Genomex more than 30 years previously (unless he is a lot older than he looks). So either the New Mutant project began before Adam was involved or “treatment” was given to much older children because we really hope Danielle was much older than 14 when they fell in love. He says he thinks she disappeared because she knew she would have a short lifespan. If Adam knew this, why didn’t he try to come up with a genetic cure for what was wrong with Danielle? In a previous episode it has been mentioned that in the early days of Genomex they were working to cure genetic diseases. So why not that one?

Mason isn’t happy that Aldus brought him the sequencer but not the stealth New Mutant. He seems to recognise her name when Aldus says it. He is not happy that Aldus didn’t take infrared goggles to track Danielle. Infrared cloaking is something military stealth devices aim to do, so the goggles would be useless against stealth jets, but it seems Danielle’s power only fools unaided human eyes. The erratic way that Mason treats his subordinates is really obvious here. He’s extremely hostile towards Aldus from the get go, while with others he is quite lenient. Maybe it’s a deliberate power play, or perhaps he knows that he can get away with treating people he dislikes as he wishes.

Adam meets Danielle in a fancy wine bar, which appears to have been a favourite place of theirs. Danielle tells him that Mason told her that Adam only cared about Genomex and that she’d be a test subject if she stayed. Which is kind of interesting. She must have been at Genomex for a while. I wonder how the staff at Genomex reacted to New Mutants there, being studied. Adam says earlier that she was struggling with her powers. Was he running some kind of secret clinic to help New Mutants use their powers? Or was this open and authorised? Mason at least knew what was going on. Danielle says she trusted him, and Adam says that he did too. So were they forced to see each other secretly at the closest bar to the facility? I can imagine that Mason was not jealous of their relationship (due to his general disdain for New Mutants) but more of the fact that Danielle probably disrupted the whole workaholic solidarity that he and Adam probably had back then.

Danielle says she decided to leave and live her life rather than hope for a cure. Which is something people with terminal illnesses often decide to do. And who could fault them for that? The actress who played her sadly died of cancer, in a truly tragic example of life imitating art in a way that we really wish it wouldn’t.

For some reason Shalimar and Emma decide to break into Danielle’s house. And talk loudly while inside. They find a note that Danielle has left for her daughter. The last we saw her she was running away, then met Adam at the bar. How did she leave the note if she only knew Adam was there when she was already outside of her house then ran away straight after? Well I guess she may have doubled back in stealth mode. But how, if she’s struggling to control her powers?

Danielle’s daughter Catherine (Sarah Gadon) comes home so Shalimar and Emma must hide. By respectively almost doing the splits on the stairs and cowering by a wall. Real good hiding there. Catherine has the same power as her mother so easily finds them. But then the GSA show up and she is forced to trust the intruders.

Aldus and his henchmen put on red sunglasses, which are pretty cool, but we’re supposed to believe that they detect infra red? Infra red goggles look more like binoculars that are strapped onto the head. My friendly neighbourhood hardware store stocks a nice similar pair of glasses in green that protect from infra red radiation, but that’s the opposite of what they want.

Adam wants Danielle to come back to Sanctuary with him. But she’s not convinced. She places more trust something Mason must have told her maybe a decade ago about a drug called efanol (which in the real world is a name variously given to an antihistamine drug and a steroid). Danielle seems sure that she hasn’t much time to live but wants to help her daughter who she fears will suffer the same fate. Adam looks surprised and asks how old her daughter is. She is fifteen. So if Adam never knew she was pregnant, their relationship must have been extremely brief.

Danielle is fading in and out, and thankfully the other diners and the staff seem completely unaware of this. Adam takes her back to Sanctuary and gives her efanol, even though he said it was too risky. And he says strand again. And I cringe. I do however like how he uses spray paint to make her arm visible for the futuristic needle-less needle.

The girls bring Catherine back to Sanctuary. Despite being told not to go into the lab, there’s no stopping someone with stealth powers, so she goes to her mother and also meets Adam. And there’s no prizes for guessing what Adam’s thinking.

Aldus reports back to Mason about Danielle’s daughter, and Mason tells him to focus on finding her.

Emma’s clearly thinking the same thing as Adam as she asks Catherine about her father. She says all she knows is that he was smart and he and her mother really loved each other for a while. Which kinda sounds like someone we know.

Danielle thinks she’s back to normal after the first treatment and wants more. It’s not terribly surprising when Adam refuses that she disappears. What I do find surprising is how easily people escape Sanctuary. As nobody sees the way there, it’s odd how they don’t often find them hopelessly trying to start the Double Helix or driving round the mountains in a stolen car.

As it turns out she stole Adam’s car and calls Mason for help. For a moment Thorne makes a surprise return! Of course we’re not supposed to notice that they re-used some of internal establishing shots of Genomex from the first couple of episodes. But then they didn’t see me coming.

Catherine and Adam have a “father-daughter” bonding chat. Adam suggests that he doesn’t think he’s her father. There’s a bit of a plot hole/inconsistency with dialogue about past events here. Adam said earlier that he first met Danielle when she was struggling with her powers. But here he says that when he met her he saved her life and as a consequence she ended up with stealth abilities. Then she was struggling with her new powers and they fell in love? That’s a lot to happen in a period of maybe 3 months. Then Danielle ran off because Adam had saved her life but not a long life. And instead of using her short life wisely immediately got pregnant and passed on her faulty genes to the child.

Adam has a bogus science idea to save the lives of both Danielle and her daughter. He wants to recombine Catherine’s DNA with her mother’s and somehow that will save them both. For a start, how? Terrible misuse of the word recombine here. I mean they get an A+ for effort, the writers obviously looked up lots of science words. But then they have completely invented their own definitions of them. Somehow mixing the DNA of a sick person with the DNA of their maybe sick in the same way offspring to make them both well? Oh dear. And of course we’re using the genetic sequencer which as we’ve already covered, does not do things like that. I have an alternate ending that is more scientific. The efanol works and Danielle has some side effects but they are mild ones she can live with (especially as she will die without any treatment). Adam discusses with Danielle that if Catherine starts to show similar symptoms, the drug will be an option for her and the side effects could vary from none to severe, but they will not know until she tries it as everyone reacts differently to drugs.

Emma tracks down Aldus in order to charm the sequencer away from him. And with her telempathy that doesn’t take long.

Danielle meets Mason at the same place she just met Adam. I like the part where she looks very unimpressed when he tells her he brought his own chef. She is one of the only people we see him touch voluntarily and he actually refers to their previous romance. Which must have also happened within that very busy 3 month period. I don’t really understand why he brought his men when she was practically begging for his help and would probably have happily gone with him. But then the guys of Mutant X show up to save her.

In the lab Adam goes ahead with his super scientific plan to save Danielle, which for some reason involves taking blood from Catherine. At least this time the blood taking process looks a lot less painful.

In an extremely baffling scene, Mason seems to enjoy eating a plate of noodles while talking about all the ways in which its contents will kill him. (Oddly tumblr decided to show me a picture of egg and noodles when I was logging in to post this). He forces Aldus to join him and after one forkful, he falls over, presumably dead. Now it’s not overly clear but I think Mason poisoned him. It’s clear Mason hated him for some unexplained reason and he did screw up repeatedly, but is this an excuse for murder in a public place? Or did he simply choke to death very quickly and quietly?

Danielle and Catherine are back to full health and Adam arranges for them to be moved to a new home. He directly asks if Catherine is his daughter and she says no. Adam perpetuates a great myth about genetic heritability in his comment about eye colour. Both he and Danielle have brown eyes so yes would most likely produce a child with brown eyes too. But genetic inheritance of eye colour is not that simple. Multiple genes control eye colour so it isn’t impossible for Catherine to have blue eyes and also be his daughter. We know that Danielle also had a romance with Mason, so it’s possible that she is his daughter. That could have been an interesting storyline. But as it’s an episodic show her father must remain a mystery as she is a non-returning guest star.

#mutant x #tom mccamus #john shea #forbes march #victor webster #lauren lee smith #victoria pratt #xuan fraser #christopher bolton #guylaine st-onge #sarah gadon #science #tv science #sci-fi

2 notes · View notes

harpsicalbiobug · 7 years

Note

Science ask! 1, 2, 11, 21, 38 I... tried to narrow down my curiosity as best as I could :D

Aw, thanks for asking!

1. What’s your major/field?

I have a bachelor’s in biology, and I’m getting my PhD in biology as well. I suppose my focus is animal behavior and physiology, but I fit the stereotype of being in an integrative biology department and loving/using a lot different fields and techniques. My current research is on the impact of monoamine disrupting contaminants (like antihistamines, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, illicit drugs, some pesticides) on insect development, behavior and physiology. My research interests include ecotoxicology, neuropharmacology and neuroscience, entomology, environmental policy (esp. wastewater treatment plant systems), animal behavior (esp. monoamine mediated behaviors which is pretty much everything), and the use of insects as bioindicators. I used to work on seminal fluid proteins, courtship, and endocrine disruptors in flies, and I was a tech in a circadian rythms neuroscience lab for a while and a pancreatic cancer lab for a hot second, still fond of both.

Short answer: Biology forever. I give drugs to bugs.

2. What made you choose your major/field?

I just always loved animals. That’s the simple answer. I liked animals and I’ve been fucking lucky to turn that into a career (so far, we’ll see how finding a postdoc position goes).

I was the dinosaur kid, the cat kid. I did well in science classes, and I loved nature, bird watching, cat shows, animal documentaries. I taught myself mendelian genetics in middle school so I could understand the inheritance of cat coat colors. I read about (and edited wikipedia articles about, yikes) extinct cats. I read falconry books. I volunteered at a zoo, a vet clinic, a humane society. I fostered cats with my family. I wrote stories about wolves and cats and birds.

So, I loved animals. But as a kid, I was exposed to the TV Careers- mostly lawyers, doctors, cops, generic office workers- and apart from “guy who narrates nature documentaries + Steve Irwin” none of those people worked with animals. And the people I met in real life who worked with animals were veterinarians, vet techs, zookeepers. I didn’t know about research careers, or how much behind the scenes stuff happens at museums and zoos, or that animal scientists work at government agencies and in industry. I had the weird experience where lots of my friends parents had doctorates, and one even worked as a bat taxonomist/curator at a museum, but I had no idea what graduate school was until halfway through college.So I went to college and thought I’d be a vet. Maaaaybe a paleontologist (but then I learned that most paleontologists get their undergraduate degrees in geology). And then I sucked freshman year and learned the getting into vet school is harder than getting into med school. I learned about graduate school and research careers from my professors. Literally I wrote a biology paper and the professor asked if I was considering graduate school, because, you know, if you can write like this it might be a good place for you. I did research as an undergraduate, and I loved it. I worked as a tech in a R01 lab and loved it, but wanted to do more research. So, grad school!

11. Who’s your favorite scientist?

Rachel Carson. Silent Spring is a fucking gift that anyone in the sciences should read. She was a brilliant science communicator, and was beloved for her writings on marine life before Silent Spring. She wrote wrote broadly, was published in academic journals and popular magazines, wrote for conservation causes and also wrote lovely descriptions of fisheries and wildlife refuges (like this one about Chincoteague pdf warning) for the government. Oh and she was in love with Dorothy Freeman and there’s a lot of obnoxious hand waving about how it was just a close friendship but y’all they burned a lot of their correspondence, and what we have left is like, guys, Carson was maybe an ace lady and definitely romantically entwined and in love with another lady. She was gay. “Never forget, dear one, how deeply I have loved you all these years.” Fuck off hand waver people. Oh yeah, and she kickstarted the grassroots environmental movement in the United States and was such an important figure that the press were asking Kennedy questions about DDT and he refered to “Miss Carson’s book” because everyone just knew about it. And when the men in government and the chemical industry dismissed her extensive research and her understanding of the impact of pesticides and herbicides on the environment and twisted her message (she never wanted to get rid of all pesticides or human made chemicals, she just wanted any amount of monitoring and regulation and intelligence behind their use) and called her hysterical and a “Priestess of Nature,” well, she testified to before Kennedy’s Science Advisory Committee while dealing with radiation treatments for breast cancer, and the committee basically said “yep, she’s right.” Oh and she’s part of why we even have the Environmental Protection Agency. So yeah, the original ecotox and environmentalism goddess is my favorite.There are others of course. Caroline Herschel the astronomer. Tyrone Hayes is important to me. Jane Goodall of course. Patricia Brennan (duck penises, yes), Corrie Moreau, John Wingfield, Peter and Rosemary Grant, May Britt Moser. Like, pretty much any scientist I meet? Beloved college professors. My current advisor. My friends in my cohort. Science is a group activity, so even admiring Rachel Carson is admiring her mentors, editors, collaborators, sources.

21. If you had infinite funding, what would your research be about?

I mean, if I had infinite funding I’d set up a new funding agency and probably emphasize basic research + science communication + cross discipline research. But I get that that’s not the real question.I want to know what pharmaceuticals and other contaminants are in the bodies of invertebrates in human impacted waterways, and how the changes according to the gradient of landscape usage and also how the life history (diet, lifespan, place in water column, respiration style) affects the accumulation and excretion of those contaminants. We just do not have that data. I mean step one, we don’t even have data for “is there X pesticide or X personal care product found in X insect” so doing a whole battery of assays across a lot sites and species is a whoooole lot to ask. I’d also follow it up with comparing some behaviors and anatomical traits and development and trying to see if there’s any connection between contaminants and those traits. Also do some gene expression measurements, because toxic response pathways/neurotransmitters/all sorts of stuff may be sensitive to exposure to lots of the fun bioactive stuff in the water. Also do lab based experiments with exposure to single compounds and then combinations. Probably throw in some mobile lab stuff too, why not? Oh, and look to see if any contaminants are moving up the food chain and getting into birds, fish, whatever. Also see if emergent insects like mayflies, dragonflies, etc are carrying aquatic contaminants into the terrestrial environment. Oh and see how different wastewater treatment plant types and the geology/hydrology of the water impacts all this stuff. And hire a giant team of people, because I could not do this all on my own, and good science is collaborative, and there are smart people out there who would have great new ideas, aaaaand I think I might be describing my dream lab.

38. Is math a little bit too mathy for you?

Yep. But I kind of love that too? A lot of science is feeling dumb and then figuring something out. So I wish I were better at math, but it’s taken until fucking graduate school for me to both love it and accept that I don’t need to “get” a math thing immediately. So, I’m real slow at math. I’m not sure if I believe that anyone intrinsically has a “math brain” or “is just good/bad at math” because that’s such a dumb yes/no binary but there are definitely people who probably have a low aptitude to start with who are not well served by how math is taught to them and ooooh boy, that was me. I don’t think I ever laid down a solid foundation of math skills; I did not learn either the practical tools for doing math or actual concepts that underpin it. I struggled my ass through upper level classes in middle and high school, but nothing really stuck for me. Even when I learned to perform something, I didn’t get the concepts. I was horrible in college and only took one physics course. And it honestly felt like, why does this matter for biology?Turns out, it matters a lot. Physiology and statistics were what opened me up to caring about math. Learning the equations that can describe exchange of gases, or the flow of blood, or ion exchange made me care. But that was still pretty much plug and chug type math. Graduate level statistics made me care about the math itself. Understanding probability, understanding the concepts behind why this mathematical tool is used in this situation, or that there are different philosophies about the use of statistics (like, woah, Bayesian, hello abuse of p-values)- that was all very delicious. And hard. I love hated that class. Intuitive Biostatistics is a good good book.Loooong post sorry.EDIT: Also seriously thank you for asking. Articulating this stuff is honestly so good for me, even if I get long winded. It reminds me how much I and others care about science.

#harper talks #science asks #rambling

2 notes · View notes

douglasmusante-blog · 4 years

Text

There are two engine choices

From the wreckage of the Warriors Thomas has emerged triumphant in Toulouse, who are the Heineken Cup champions, and where he and the former Ireland flanker Trevor Brennan have been known to enjoy the odd aperitif. "I have a commitment to the club as well as to Wales nfl jerseys," he said. "I knew the risks when I signed and I'm happy with the arrange ment.

Cheap Jerseys free shipping Orc World of WarcraftWorld of Warcraft probably takes the cake for the most lives ruined per capita. There are actually support groups for people who spend all their waking time playing this game. Could you imagine being so addicted to a video game that you opt to spend hours leveling up your character over possibly going on a date with a member of the opposite sex? Clearly this Orc has not been outside of his house in years aside from the time it took him to go pickup the supplies to build his costume. Cheap Jerseys free shipping

cheap jerseys Crosby captured his second career Maurice "Rocket" Richard Trophy and is expected to receive another Hart Trophy nomination for his efforts. He finished second in points and points per game to McDavid. The Edmonton Oilers franchise centre came in at No. cheap jerseys

wholesale nfl jerseys "The ownership group has really paid attention to the fans and the experience https://www.netcheapjerseys.com," Harrell said. "Win or lose, you had a lot of fun. You are going to see a couple of stars from music and film. I think global warming or climate change has been the first real clear cut issue for a long time. Because a lot of what we try to work on tends to be, I don't want to say nuance. But it doesn't explain itself so simply. Like when you're trying to deal with non point pollution ruining our streams, people look at you a little funny.. wholesale nfl jerseys

cheap jerseys Put myself in a bad situation and did everything I needed to do to get myself out of that situation. I understand I surrounded myself with people I shouldn have. I just trusted in the process and got my name cleared. The rear pocket placement is important to me and they are placed perfectly right on my buttocks, not below or off to the side. The back pockets are also the perfect size, not too big and not too small I hate jeans that have pockets that are too small because it makes a woman's buttocks look bigger. The stretch in the jeans makes them so comfortable because the jeans move with you. cheap jerseys

1 First assemble a 4.5mm diameter, 28mm thread length bolt and a 32mm gear. I added a little super glue to make sure these parts were locked together.2 Washers were added for spacing so that the shaft gear aligns with the servo gear. Now thread the bolt along with gear washers through the gear assembly piece wholesale nfl jerseys from china.3 next add the 60mm bearing4 add a washer and small split ring who's diameter is smaller than the outside rim of the bearing assembly5 Loosely hand tighten a nut6 Add a split washerDrill a hole in the centre of one end of the aluminium cylinder.

cheap nfl jerseys There are two engine choices: a 2.7 litre four cylinder and a 3.5 litre V6, and you can choose from front wheel drive or all wheel drive. My tester had the latter engine with FWD, but the former may be the largest in line four banger on the market these days. Big in line four cylinder engines tend to rock and roll and often need internal counter balancers to smooth everything out. cheap nfl jerseys

No. 8 He likes to watch spinal surgeries: Gasol enrolled in medical school at the University of Barcelona before giving up his studies as his basketball career progressed. He maintains strong interest in medicine and has witnessed spinal surgeries performed by Dr. Cheap Jerseys from china

nfl jerseys Typically an heirship affidavit has to be witnessed by a couple of individuals who used to know the deceased, but they would in a way are going to benefit from the estate. Heirs and witnesses have to be able to tell the date of death of the deceased. They should also clarify and verify that the person who died has no outstanding risks. nfl jerseys

wholesale nfl jerseys from china For this the 5 energies of the gross body ordinarily no doubt dwell in the gross body but when it is rendered subtle it exhibits its specialty. Their influence in a minor way can be noted in the gross body also but when its requirement is felt more in the subtle body they become terrifically powerful. The 5 independent energies of these 5 Virbhadras are as follows: Bioelectricity, Bio magnetism, Radiation, Creation, Reproduction and Immunity. wholesale nfl jerseys from china

Cheap Jerseys china Coming into this season much more comfortable, Detroit coach Jeff Blashill said. Spent a whole career with another team and then he switched teams. It takes a little while as a human sometimes to adjust. In the present days, the soccer players can find some varieties in designs of soccer shoes and they can select the soccer shoes according to their convenience. Apart from the soccer shoes https://www.cheapjerseys19.com, there are many other soccer accessories which people needs to have if he or she wants to become successful soccer player. Though the soccer players have to remain careful about the other accessories but they need to give special care to soccer shoes. Cheap Jerseys china

International football shirts redesigned with local styling in stunning hybrid kit imagesA lot of football kits are starting to look the same, so designer Emilio Sansolini decided to break the mold and design some unique shirts16:48, 8 OCT 2015Updated16:50, 8 OCT 2015Get football updates directly to your inbox+ SubscribeThank you for subscribing!Could not subscribe, try again laterInvalid EmailThe football shirt template: forever making every Premier League shirt look the same for the past 10 years.Unfortunately, we live in an age where there is very little individuality about football shirt designs, with a host of clubs now wearing effectively the same kits.A lot of the time, big brands like Nike and Adidas will reuse their templates but recolour them to give them a vague individual feel.But what if we were to break that mold and live in a world where local clothing companies designed their nation's football shirts?What about Fred Perry for wholesale nfl jerseys, Emporio Armani for Italy or Ralph Lauren for the USA?That is the exact concept that artist and designer Emilio Sansolini has used when designing a host of stunning new hybrid jerseys for the world's top teams. Here are the latest results and analysis of what it all meansSummer transfer windowTransfer news LIVE: Liverpool end interest in Virgil van Dijk, plus latest on Kylian Mbappe, Hector Bellerin and every dealThe summer sales are on the way as clubs look forward to a busy few months. Keep up to date with all the latest hereBritish and Irish LionsBritish and Irish Lions fans involved in clash in stands during 22 16 defeat to BluesA supporter wearing a Lions branded polo shirt was held by security after appearing to have got involved in a scuffleCourt caseMum had 'part of her cheek bitten off after sending 13 year old daughter to get milk from neighbour'Hazel Gill, 36, and her son Michael Gill, 20, are on trial but both deny wounding with intent and unlawful woundingCourt caseNaked pensioner, 82, 'crawled into woman's bed and 'said: "It's about time I gave you a good seeing to"'Alan Stevenson was found guilty of attempting to sexually assault the woman but cleared of sexual assaultLotteryNational Lottery results: Winning numbers for 10m Lotto jackpot on Wednesday, June 7Tonight's lottery could make you a very rich person but have you got a winning ticket.

0 notes

jq37 · 4 years

Text

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 12

Fig And Ayda Sitting in a Spiky Infernal Nightmare Tree

Welcome back to Fantasy High, where Brennan and Emily are giving the gays everything they want but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. For now, the Bad Kids have just arrived in Arborly which is this ancient, twisty, mysterious forest town with buildings kind of built into the trees in such a way that makes it hard to tell it’s a town at first glance. Anyway, they get to Hollyhill--the family home of Fig’s gnome business-friend--Grover Tillythatch--which is basically this very dope hollowed out tree. At the edge of the forest (maybe a 30 min walk away), there is a place where the trees grow and twist together into an 80 foot high wall, barbed with razor sharp briars and super ominous looking. Très Sleeping Beauty.

They unlock the gate but then realize they have to do something with the Hangvan. Gorgug thinks there’s a way to, with his Artificer skills, give the Van the availability to shrink, but that’ll be a whole project for later. What we have to deal with now though is the fact that Gilear is caught up in the wheel well of the Van, apple stuck in his mouth like a roast pig. Through a series of insane and very Gilear events (not a teleportation mishap like I initially thought), he ended up stuck there and has been since they woke up. He fully missed Hilariel and this is the first anyone noticed he was missing.The kids help Gilear out and give him a little makeover, courtesy of Adaine’s jacket--very needed because he 100% pissed his pants while jammed up (and way too soon after getting stuck).

Kristen knows that the temple she read about is extremely close to where they are. Adaine does a quick Locate Creature and can tell the elf from her Scry isn’t within the 1000 foot range. Plus, the forest they’re in just looks different.

Anyway, once they’re in Ragh starts grabbing food. Sandra-Lynn gives Gilear a massage because that dude needs some TLC. Tracker is sticking with Kristen and in a weird headspace over the Galakaya info. And, turns out Ayda didn’t just stay in Leviathan. She teleported with them to see them off so she’s around too. The gang does a little investigation of the house where Riz finds out Grover is abusing his company expense account and Adaine pings a crazy amount of infernal energy from the spooky briar wall. Adaine also senses a strong but old (300 year-ish) aura of druidic magic in Arborly--from the reclamation efforts that took Arborly back from being behind the wall that separates Sylvere from the outside. It’s really the only progress that’s been made and it seems like it took a lot out of whoever did it. One more thing: There is a real gnomish energy around town (similar to the vibe at Gorgug’s place), even though Arborly is supposed to be very wood elf heavy.

Throughout all I’ve been describing, there have been rumblings of maybe throwing a party and Fig invites Ayda who enthusiastically accepts. The adults go to bed in the Van for safety (Sandra-Lynn puts the Hangman in charge while they’re gone) and the teens do what teens do when they have no adult supervision: They wild out. But not in a Golden Gardens “Let’s get tattoos and do drugs” kinda way. In a real, teenager kind of way. In an “I’m making crab nachos because my parents never let me,” kind of way. But that “they” doesn’t include Fig because she is doing the other thing teens do when they have no adult supervision: Sneaking out. Specifically to look at the briar wall. She can hear these faint whispers coming from the wall and Emily manages to get jump scared in a D&D game by Ayda who is suddenly standing next to Fig, having followed her because the party got overwhelming.

They have a talk which I can and will describe but that needs to be seen in full to really appreciate the intimacy and tenderness but also fumbling awkwardness that’s happening. So while the rest of the Bad Kids are drinking and doing crab-stands and pretending to be shrimp (go with it) Fig tells Ayda that she sometimes does stuff like pretend to be other people and indulge in loud nonsense to cover up negative thoughts, like the ones that come from your dad being shoved in a gem and then getting kidnapped. Ayda can’t understand the disguising as a coping mechanism: “If I were you I wouldn’t want to be anyone else because you are very exceptional.” She then offers to give Fig a better look at the wall and, when Fig accepts, she turns them both invisible and flies them to it.

Fig, upon watching Ayda do that very dope thing says that there’s no reason for Ayda to think she’s special when she can do cool stuff like that. Ayda, as we already know, thinks Fig is super dope too, both in abilities and personality. Ayda analyzes the briar wall and finds out mostly stuff we already knew--it keeps people from getting in or out, including through magical means like Dimension Door and it’s keyed to powerful devils. When she reaches for the thorns, they grow out to stab her and she flinches back before they can. When Fig does the same, the thorns don’t grow out. And, when she does a less intense Burning Hands, a charred handprint is left behind and the heat and energy travels somewhere else. The aura the wall is giving out doesn’t seem to bother her as much as it probably would someone else. Ayda finds it very cool, as she’s found everything Fig has done. They dip back into heart to heart mode and Ayda reveals something that we already knew from Brennan on the Discord: Ayda is technically about 150 years old due to her Phoenix cycling and she’s been working on building the Compass Points Library across her lifetimes, aided by notes left to herself by her previous incarnations. Fig asks why she would do that instead of just reinventing herself and Ayda says she doesn’t have a lot of self confidence and doesn’t want to make mistakes. Fig throws up in anticipation of saying something sincere, says she thinks Ayda is perfect the way she is, and then--as she is wont to do--skateboards away (successfully and 80 feet down the briar wall with a 22 acrobatics check).

Ayda flies down, compliments her on the sick trick then asks her to sign a binding contract that says she has info that she will give Fig but Fig can’t make any assumptions based on it or judge her. (The cast at this point is losing their minds and has been for the past couple of minutes.) Fig signs it and then Ayda gives her the information which is as follows: “At any waking moment outside of combat that you and I have been together, if you had tried to kiss me on the mouth, it would have been received favorably.” Fig drafts a contract (as a lawyer I’m using that term extremely loosely) that says that if Ayda makes fun of her, Fig will give her a wet willy. Ayda says that it’s more of a threat than a contract and Fig abruptly kisses her and then skateboards away and hides. Ayda doesn’t really have a good frame of reference for how this is supposed to go and Fig is throwing out all sorts of mixed signals but Fig comes out from hiding and apologizes and says that she’s having trouble being vulnerable since she hasn’t really done this as herself before. Ayda asks if they can go again because she thinks she can do better. Ally and Lou howl and cheer and bless the Union. Murph is clapping. Siobhan and Zac are full gone. Fig says that she only wanted to have a party so Ayda would stay longer. Ayda says she only stayed to hang out with Fig. Ayda says this is the best moment of her current life. Fig says she’s going for best, period--past incarnations included. They make out some more until Ayda has to go. Ayda says she needs to go so she can research the Planeshift spell for Fig (for free!). She doesn’t even care about shrinking down the library. Before she leaves, Ayda pulls out one of her feathers and says that if Fig holds it up and says her name, she’ll hear it and be able to come and help. Fig does the same with one of her ear-cuffs but it’s more of a gesture than an actual magical effect (though the cuff is bloody and mark my words, this is exactly the kind of goof that becomes plot relevant later). Fig comes back to the insanity the house has dissolved to and goes to use the hot tub.

No comment.

They all eventually go outside to sleep on a mattress, by the Van to get the protection of the Hallow spell. It’s a little glossed over but we learn when Fabian gives Riz Bardic Inspiration to remember to sleep outside that he’s taken a level of bard! In the morning (by which I mean afternoon), they all wake up to see Sandra-Lynn and Gilear speaking to, like, 40 wood-elf rangers. They’re mainly talking to an intense lady who seems to have a pretty high rank and this older looking fox. Fig steps up to speak for the group since they’re there on her invite and the elven woman is instantly wary of her horns, plus the Hangman is right there. She clearly doesn’t trust the infernal. With Guidance from Kristen, she gets a 27 Persuasion which tells her this lady (whose name we learn is Mira) will never like her BUT that’s OK because she’s not in charge. The fox actually outranks her.

Fig shakes hands with the fox whose name is Nuathra and who is very charmed. The Bad Kids follow suit with the politeness and Nuathra is won over. He fends off Mira’s suspicions and is so chill that Fig decides (after consulting with Adaine) to just tell him they’re going into the nightmare forest. That gets bows pulled on them and Adaine steps in and identifies herself as the elven Oracle and says that they have to do it for prophecy reasons. The elves start whispering and Nuathra, who believes she is who she says she is, asks if she knows about any other high elves who look like her slinking around. Adaine says that yeah, she does, but she’s not working with them. Kristen tries to cut in and it makes Mira super aggro--seems like she doesn’t like beings that are devil adjacent or humans either. She also makes a dismissive comment aimed at high elves in response to Adaine’s statement about morality being complex.

Nuathra tells her to cool her jets and says that things are kinda tense because for the past few months, a high elven woman (Adaine’s mom) showed up, took a room at the Owl and Harp (a gnomish tavern), and hired a local wood elf drunkard named Killian. She kept to herself mostly but did do some business at the local gnomish Tinkerer’s Hall (possibly for spell components). Two nights ago, another high (extremely gassy) elven woman showed up and then they vanished (figuratively) with Killian.

When Tinkerer’s Hall is mentioned, Gorgug cuts in to get more info on that. Nuathra says that there is a gnomish population in Arborly because the Druid who gave their life to reclaim Arborly (Crafty Rootdrinker) was a gnome so now gnomes kind of have protected status. Nuathra starts tearing up a little and we later find out (via Gorgug’s intuition) that Nuathra was their Awakened animal companion (Awakened means you give a plant or animal average human intelligence and the ability to speak a language). Nuathra asks why they want to go into the forest and Gorgug says it’s because the Nightmare King might be coming back. After being horrified to learn that the NK’s crown wasn’t in magical Fort Knox and instead was just in some dude’s desk, Nuathra says that all the town’s resources are at their disposal. He points out the three obvious places to check out: (1) the tavern, (2) the tinkerer’s hall, and (3) a shrine which is a possible entrance to the forest of the NK (the Shrine of Thorns which is just on the edge of the forest--mostly still in the forest--and dedicated to a mysterious goddess).

Adaine asks about the dude in her vision and realizes quickly it’s not Killian. Then, following a comment Fig makes about honesty being the right move and spurred by their out of character knowledge, start poking at Fig for an answer to what’s different about her today. Riz rolls a 28 Investigate and Fig burns 2 luck points and a guidance to beat it with like a 31. Wild. Then they split up like this:

Gorgug, Ragh, and Fabian (with the Hangman) go to the tinkerer’s hall.

Adaine and Riz go to the tavern.

Kristen, Tracker and Fig go to the shrine (ferried by Sandra-Lynn who wants to then scout around on Baxter).

Gilear makes lunch.

But before they leave, Adaine Scrys on her mom and sees her, Aelwen, and Killian with a gem embedded in his open and bloody chest (clearly a puppet after the ritual that almost claimed RIz) traveling through a forest so twisted it looks like it’s underground. Adaine clocks some curse scarring on her mom and on a 15 arcana check wonders if the curse her mom got broken by Garthy was actually the Crown’s curse or maybe something the Falinel put on it for security (which could mean that the Curse on the crown is actually the goddess’s sanctum mentioned last ep). Almost immediately, Aelwen dispels the Scry and it ends. Adaine on a 25 Insight realizes that Aelwen didn’t actually sense the Scry. It was like someone told her it was happening and then she reacted to that. Adaine thinks Kalina might be around.

On a nat 20 Perception check, Kristen sees Kalina’s eyes in the shadows. Riz--and the rest of the group--can’t see her, but she steps out of the shadows. Kalina starts slinging death threats--at the group and Tracker specifically--and Kristen does her classic Kristen thing of staring down a life or death situation with an insane casualness. Kalina says the only reason the gang is still alive is because they haven’t gotten directly in the way of her and what she wants yet. What does she want? Kristen asks. For them to stay out of the f-ing forest. Kalina vanishes. Kristen immediately loses all bravado and makes her friends dog pile her for comfort which they happily do.

Kristen gives an arguably Inspiring Speech to give everyone 16 temp HP. Riz on a 28 Investigation roll notices that the grass where Kalina was standing isn’t bent. (The background music goes *BWANG* like Brennan planned it). Riz thinks Kalina wasn’t physically there. In fact, she might not have ever been physically there. He remembers that, in the photo, Pok’s sleeve isn’t bent where Kalina is touching him and people who can’t see Kalina don’t see the wrinkled sleeve they way they would if she was just invisible. And she’s not holding a glass in the photo. She’s holding up her hand and pretending she’s holding one. She might not exist physically at all. He thinks that the thing Aelwen and Arianwyn are doing is to give her corporeal form. They also put together than even if Kalina is somehow in their heads, she can’t really by *in* their heads because she keeps asking questions she would know the answers to already if she could read their minds. Kristen wants to chain up Tracker in the Van to keep her safe from Kalina but Tracker puts the kibosh on that with a quickness (revealing things we kinda already knew about their sex life in the process).

Anyway, let’s split up!

Tinkerer’s Hall

The Owlbear group and the Hangman kinda freak out the gnomes who think they’re being mugged or something but Gorgug wins them over with his gnomish last name and cool Solesian gadgets. They find out Killian needed wax to make candles and some basic spell components.

Tavern

The two Bad Kids possibly least equipped to go to the bar go there and try to get access to Adaine’s mom’s room. They pay Arianwyn’s tab (she left abruptly without paying) and bribe the bartender with an amount of money that will for sure get them put on a watchlist, sweating bullets the entire time, but eventually make it up there to the top suite.

The room is blood spattered, full of candle wax and arcane symbols, and there’s an image Adaine knows her mom drew of a robed, skeletal figure, wearing a crown, etched into the wall. Yikes.

Shrine

Sandra-Lynn drops off the girls. Tracker casts a light spell and then has to step out. It’s like a vampire at the doorway of a church thing. Kristen sees a religious symbol on the wall and an ancient depiction of a woman in a dark robe and cape, holding a book and a broomstick, next to a small dwelling, black cat on her shoulder.

Fig sees a charred handprint on the briars in the shrine and recognizes it as her own. She casts Burning Hands on her handprint that’s here for some reason and the fire catches and spreads. Brennan has a lot of fun making fire sound effects. A fiery doorway opens and a woman in armor, with horns and skeletal wings (plus flayed skin under the armor from what they can see--except for her face which is intact and beautiful) walks out and asks for Fig. When Fig identifies herself, the woman says she’s Vraz the Mean from the Nine Hells and Fig has been served. As in legally. As in a subpoena.

Wild.

Detention

Fig for Using up Two Luck Points Pre-Excursion Into a Doom Forest to Conceal a Crush

I adore both Fig generally and Fig in this episode specifically but, truly, what a waste of Luck points at the cusp what possibly could be such a dire moment. And she won’t get those back before a long rest. This storyline is going so slowly. I’ve written (as I’m writing this sentence) 48k words worth of Report Cards and it’s been like what? A week? Less than that? She might not get those back for a while.

Now do I wish she’d made a different decision? Absolutely not. Emily, as always, is ride or die for the roleplay and I both love and respect it.

But I can high-key see this biting her in the ass.

Honor Roll

Kristen for Holding her Own Against Kalina

I think this marks K-girl’s first appearance on the Honor Roll and in my opinion (mine being the only one that matters I guess since I have no oversight and am Czar of this arbitrary award) she really earned it. First that clutch perception nat 20 to spot her and then having to hold the entire conversation by herself with no backup because she was the only one who could see her. I think this was actually a really good time for her to use her wild downplaying attitude and she was able to keep Kalina occupied for long enough for Riz to gather some of the most interesting pieces of info about Kalina yet. Very clutch.

Random Thoughts

For a closer look into character/location descriptions from this episode, you can check out @jamiebluewind‘s posts here and here.

“Has your girl ever not delivered?”/”Yes.”/”Multiple times.”/”I mean, it’s always entertaining when you don’t.”

Lou and Siobhan Re the Hangan: “Can it turn into a Gundam?”/”Is it a transformer?”

Shoutout to Brennan for heading off flying Van shenanigans at the pass. That would have been an Immediate Problem.

“I have never touched my Dad’s butt, nor do I want to.”

Brennan breaking himself during his first Gilear line of the ep. I wonder if he goes into any Gilear sentence knowing where he’s going, or if it’s all freeform improvisational jazz.

I think it’s really interesting that Fig fully loves Gilear but also still calls him Gilear and not Dad. Not deep meta point or anything. I just think it’s an interesting quirk of the character.

Fig fully intending to eat an obvious death mushroom and every other party member at the same time slapping it out of her hands.

I think I’ve mentioned on several occasions that I’m not really a shipper. Which isn’t to say I don’t enjoy romantic relationships in media. It’s just that it’s usually pretty clear which relationship the narrative is setting up so I really don’t get the point in basically campaigning for something that’s clearly going to happen (in which case, just enjoy the progression) or campaigning for something that’s clearly not going to happen and then being disappointed. But I gotta say, this Fig and Ayda has been a ride, I think largely because there was really no way to see this was coming when Ayda was introduced. Like, Tracker for instance was clearly introduced with Kristen in mind, down to being the Moon Cleric to her former Sun Cleric. Not only was Ayda not set up as a romanceable NPC, she very easily could have been skipped as even an option for befriending at all. She didn’t really make herself super available for it and it wasn’t even Fig who struck up a friendship with her initially. It was Adaine. And then Adaine got kidnapped which pushed the two resident Adaine stans together and, what do you know? Sparks (and not just from Ayda’s hair). The organic-ness of the relationship really added something that makes it really interesting and special.

Also, lol that Fig finally found an age appropriate relationship but she’s also technically 150.

“I’m not gonna mend your piss pants.”

For Adaine, the peak of luxury is access to fluffy robes which, mood.

OK, just to explicitly state my current pet theory that I alluded to last week, it seems pretty darn likely that Kalina is the familiar of the Mystery goddess. I said that cats are the most iconic witch’s familiar and, this ep, we saw the goddess depicted with a black cat. Plus, Brennan casually but very specifically noted that Kalina isn’t a big-cat. She’s like the tabaxi version of a house cat. And we learned that Kalina seems to be intangible which takes away one thing that was a little off for me--it seemed more like she was spreading a virus but the fact that she is intangible and just visible to people who are “infected” makes it seem more like she herself is the virus. AND, we were introduced to the concept of an Awakened, Sentient animal companion this episode which would be a great thing to do if you’re setting up the fact that this witch goddess turned her cat into a full sentient being and then a tabaxi and then a virus.

Lol at Tracker giving Sandra-Lynn a Shovel Talk re: Jawbone.

Riz, upon being questioned by Kristen where he got the photo of her for the “Casual” conspiracy wall he’s making: Look, you take pictures you hang them.

I want the Bad Kids to keep the motto of, “Spring Break!” year round. I want them to use it forever. I want them to be in their 30s--well out of school--and run into a deadly situation in the middle of Winter yelling, “I believe in you! Spring Break!” while very, very confused bystanders watch them. That’s really what friendship is about. Confusing the hell out of strangers with your in-jokes.

Between last week of Fantasy High and this week of CritRole, I think a lot of people just learned what the Hallow spell is.

“Just by being here we’re stealing. I’m like Robin Hood.”

Hangman: No rules!/Adaine: Some rules!

Guys I was SO concerned that Fig was gonna pull a Fabian and do something Concerning without any party support. So happy she decided to just get her kisses in instead. And then at the end of the ep when the two most chaotic party members were given a hell door that it 1000% seemed like they were gonna jump through but were ust handed legal paperwork instead.

Figs comment about one of the best parts of friendship being getting to be a “chorus of nonsense” together without regard for what’s being said is so real.

I love the D&D gag of the party members who are not at an intense moment interjecting with whatever nonsense they’re doing.

Everyone holding their collective breaths and then breaking as Emily succumbs to the urge to Touch a Thing. “You simply must.”

Ayda thinks “Choke on grapes, bitch,” is an excellent threat, and I agree.

Who cares for Ayda when she’s a newborn? Or is she reborn old enough to take care of herself? Also, update: Aguefort even worse dad than initially thought.

Fig skateboarding away and dropping invisibility so Ayda can see and then later kissing her and Ayda going full visible are such cinematic moments. Well, the second one is at least. The first is just extremely funny.

“I’m not gonna kiss the shrimp, Kristen. It’s dead, and we killed it.”

“I desperately and only want you to stay. And the only thing I want to do more than stay is do something for you” Why does Brennan keep dropping these raw ass lines casually in his high school D&D game?

“Can I get a help action from the jets of the hot tub?”

One little moment I loved from this ep was Mira being confused by the concept of a rock star and Adaine translating that she’s a bard/troubadour. I also just love the word troubadour. We shouldn’t have ever stopped using it.

“That makes me nervous. Everything makes me nervous. Sure, why not.” Mood.

Mira also makes a comment about how diverse the group is that did *not* sound like a positive or even neutral statement and, listen, I’m getting Daybreak vibes my dudes.

Very funny every time we’re reminded that the reason the Bad Kids are doing this is because it’s a school project.

Interesting character detail that Adaine started off talking about Aelwen and Arianwyn with distancing language but eventually slipped back into just calling them her mom and sister.

A note in case it’s relevant later: Nuathra said that Crafty--his druid companion--was not a fan of cleric stuff, thought it was nonsense, and tried to avoid it at all costs.

Fabian re Nuathra: What did the fox say?

Kristen asks Kalina’s name and she says, “You can call me Kalina,” which is subtly different than, “My name is Kalina,” which is probably just a turn of phrase and not plot relevant but I’ve been reading a lot of Fae stuff recently and a hyper-aware of weasel-out wording right now.

“You good?”/”Now that I’m being pressed into the grass by all my friends? Yes.”

Adaine to Riz’s earlier encounter with Kalina: That was all you? You did all that damage to yourself?

I love Fig’s outrage at Adaine joking that she uses Detect Thoughts. The idea of, “We kill people and break into places and Catfish adult men but we DO NOT Detect Thoughts on each other that is the LINE.”

Kristen giving herself a sexy roleplay promotions from Officer up to Colonel was killing me. That whole thing was such a good bit and Ally and Brennan were on the same page immediately.

Can’t wait to see the demonic (or is that devilish?) legal system so I can tell y’all how accurate it is and use something I learned in law school for once in my life. (Note: I am a lawyer, but you’d be surprised how unhelpful law school is to actually being a lawyer).

Wonder what that subpoena was for. Maybe something involving Gorthalax or the wall? I’m trying to think of what they’d have jurisdiction over. She said the dude she works under is on the Sloth level of hell.

Siobhan mentioned she has good Portent rolls right now which is comforting to hear. Lol, imagine if she had also decided to go full teenager this episode and use them to ferret out Fig’s crush.

I need you to know that, in this same week (all within 48 hours of each other), between CritRole, Naddpod, The Good Place finale, I was really just drowning in content and emotions.

The only crit of the ep is a nat 20 from Kristen.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high live #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers

59 notes · View notes

paulsolorzano · 5 years

Text

01.31.19

So when Axxxxx found out she was pregnant when we were in Fairbanks in Alaska we got a pregnancy app to chart the baby’s progress.

The baby was due two weeks ago.

I knew the date was coming up and it’s depressing to think about on multiple levels. Remind me to talk about it.

—-

Was supposed to hang with Cxxxxxxx tonite but Kxxxx actually wants to see me and was asking me about it so, I’m gonna have to get out of it with her.

Cxxxxxxxx hit me up on Facebook messenger asking if I still wanted to hang. I haven’t responded yet.

—-

Ive been to this Starbucks so many times that the guy Josh, calls me by my name when he sees me in the camera, and knows my drink here.

I don’t know what to think about that.

It speaks something about my habits of course. In a sense I was happy to hear my name and my drink, but it’s like goddam, is this my life?

—

I need to remind myself not to be the old server.

—

Still need to tell Cxxxxxxxx I need to take a rain check

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Jeff Rosenstock show and how inspiring it was

Not having a baby with Axxxxx instead of having one

“Don’t be the old server”

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - POST-

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.30.19

I can’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up; it doesn’t matter because I’m not whatever it was.

This storage space elevator smells like sweaty bodies.

-//

Plugging along on the I-4 westbound. Something up the way is really holding up the traffic. Luckily I have my music.

Aaron Tobin called me to let me know his (and our to an extent) boy Todd, died of a massive heart attack. He was Tobins age, 39 maybe 40.

To be fair this guy was huge his whole life and also on drugs. He had he heart attack in jail from what I understand. He turned himself in for a warrant he had going.

Wild shit. Living long enough for people to be dying around us

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Jeff Rosenstock show and how inspiring it was

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - POST-

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“ It’s like somebody traded out my skin, for something I could never feel good in” -Jeff Rosenstock

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.29.19

Jeff Rosenstock tonite. I finagled three tickets from a friend online, for me and Danielito and Kristy, but unfortunately they can’t make it.

So I’m going solo. Asked a couple girls on the roster but no luck so far. And it’s that time. So I’ll be forging on alone.

Gotta get earplugs.

—-

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“ we’ll diffuse bombs, run marathons, and take on whatever together” - Grandaddy

“Wizards, stop throwing fruit at me!” - Reggie and the full effect

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.28.19

Monday. I’m off. Had plans with Mxxxx in the morning but she’s taken ill.

I tentatively have plans with Kxxxx tonite, which I need to attempt to solidify tonite. Ok, the text has been sent: “hangs tonite?”

Easy enough.

She already asked about Monday on Sunday morning after Saturday night hangs and bangs.

Waiting on her response. Listening to Mary Hopkin. This shit is my new shit, which is old shit like back in 1969. Produced by Paul McCartney is definitely why I like it.

—-

Of course this is all happening at my storage space. This is where I hang currently. Since I’ve been back to Orlando. I hang here with my shit and wrote and do art and catalogue and attempt to trim down and move shit around to maximize the space.

—

So back to the Kxxxx thing, she’s ill too. Everyone is sick for some reason. I’ve always been a carrier, rarely getting ill myself.

—

Had a conversation with Cxxxxxxxx. She was upset about a week ago when she perceived me to be placing blame on her when she couldn’t hang out spur of the moment.

So I waited almost a week and she didn’t text or message me once.

So I wrote her. She’s pretty much embittered by a lot of previous bull shit that other people have heaped on to the pile.

Now I suffer for the sins of the last person.

To be fair she was super in to me when we met and I sort of nipped the ‘let’s hop into a relationship immediately after she gets out of one’ enthusiasm in the bud.

So, she seems to be indifferent to me, and more broadly, people in general. Hard to say.

I don’t really need to put that much emotional energy into it, as I have other more interested coals in the fire.

But she’s grown on me. So there’s that.

I’m not trying to abandon any of the women I get involved with.

Do I want to commit to any of them fully? At present, no.

And naturally I think of Axxxxx. Always her. She blew my hair back. I blew it with her.

—-

There’s a cute Hispanic girl in this Denny’s right now, sitting alone and watching Futurama. I keep glancing over there to watch.

Also the girl who just came in for her shift at 11:00 has just left hurriedly in tears. I have no damn clue what the hell happened.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Blink-182 enema of the state

Weezer - blue album

Mary Hopkin - post card

Deadmau5 - Polar: Music from the Netflix film

Dream tiger - dream tiger

Lorn - ask the dust

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Reggie and the full effect - songs to not get married to

Reggie and the full effect - promotional copy

Big business - command your weather

Piebald - we are the only friends that we have

Watching:

Step Brothers

Reading:

Eating:

Denny’s mozzarella sticks and coffee

Playing:

Purchases:

Paul McCartney Wings 45s

Record sleeves for 33s and 45s

Packages received:

Jeff rosenstock - POST casette

Wings - silly love songs 45 rpm

Mary hopkin- those were the days 45 rpm

Snow White seven dwarves figs

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Welcome to your life; there’s no turning back” - tears for fears

“ I’m like everybody else; as a shamed of sleep I lie when a phone call wakes me” - WHY?

Quote of the day:

“This house is a prison! On planet Bullshit!” - Brennan and Dale, Step Brothers

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.27.19

Cold and wet all day today. Truly a day where it rained all day.

Spent the night at Kxxxx’s house. Who’s Kxxxx you ask? She is from the internet dating app OkCupid. I broke one of my own rules and slept over there. And this was last night, which was also the first night i met her in person and also the first time we had sex.

I say the first time assuming there will be more times. She and I definitely get along. It’s weird because she reminds me of Holly D in several ways.

First off Kxxxx body is kind of shaped like Holly’s. She’s taller than I am. Big tits and ass. Back tattoo from what I could gather

01.26.19

I do everything high these days. I’m here at Orlando you and comic con hittin the pen hard. Already smoked before I left the house.

This con is good because it’s smaller and I can make trips back to the car to bring back stuffs I’ve gotten. So I don’t have to roll around with a backpack.

—-

At chipotle now. Had to drive to get here. Just up the road from the mall. I don’t know if I’ll go back to the con. Technically it goes til 7 but idk.

—-

Spent a lot of fucking money today but I knew that was happening

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Basia Bulat - good advice

Weezer - teal album

The octopus project

Peter Adams - the spiral eyes

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

“This is a womanly car” - me taking about Tina Watkins car that I drive around like an asshole.

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.25.19

I put the coins that I had organized fell yesterday into the sheets, I stuck them and the paper money into a three ring binder I got from Office Depot yesterday.

I don’t want to work today but I must.

Until I innovate my way out of this, I have to work for the man. Remember that you asshole, the next time you cry about it.

—-

Chilled at the space and made some room for stuff. Slowly and surely ditching stuff

—-

got called off from work today in a Friday. I haven’t worked all week because reasons. I asked for a couple days off to to the Neil DeGrasse Tyson thing, and the Orlando toy and comic con thing. I didn’t get get the two days off when Yaqeen did the schedule because he’s a Derp and does everything by hand. So I had two other days off, and then got the two off that I needed by dropping the shifts. So I ain’t done shit all week. I’m gonna continue that trend into tomorrow at the con.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Wings - band on the run

Katamari forever OST

Buffalo daughter - captain vapour athletes

Weezer - teal album

Nada surf - the weight is a gift

Basia Bulat - good advice

The Beatles - magic mystery tour

No joy - wait to pleasure

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

“you’re not wide anymore; you’re skinny fat” - Yaqeen talking about me

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.24.19

Been on the pen/flower pretty solid since October when I got back from Alaska. Hell, even Alaska I was on the wax daily.

I guess I’ve been medicating myself.

Working on a sketch. I missed a couple days but I did one last night also:

Ok and here’s today’s:

I’m trying to find my groove with what I want to do with all these sketches. Basically I’m just sketching shit I see.

Sketching? Drawing? I don’t even know what to say here haha.

And I made another

—-

Going to see Neil DeGrasse Tyson tonite. This will be the third time I’ll have seen him.

I was hoping Axxxxx would be in the mix at this point because she was with me the first two times. Now, if I hadn’t have fucked up recently, she probably would be with me tonite. Goddammit me. So, my one and only boy Tobin is gonna come with me.

It’ll be nice because we haven’t seen each other in a hot minute. Ever since he got that girlfriend of his haha. Now they are in that ‘up each other’s ass’ phase.

Update: it would seem Neil will not be speaking tonite after all. Amidst recent allegations in the last few months, he postponed/canceled his shows: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.orlandoweekly.com/Blogs/archives/2018/12/13/neil-degrasse-tyson-cancels-orlando-appearance-following-sexual-misconduct-accusations%3fmedia=AMP%2bHTML

So that is sad fucking news, especially since I’m finding out today and not a month and a half ago. I mean I knew about the allegations but didn’t think it would come to this.

Another thing that chapped me is that Aaron Tobin fucking bailed on me before I found this out. Granted I only asked him yesterday but damn he seems to let me down a lot when there’s a specific date and time involved.

—/

I put my paper money and coin collection in these plastic inserts

Now the only thing that blows about these inserts is that the tops don’t seal, so this shit has to be flat or upright at all times. This isn’t too bad for the paper money but clearly there could be an issue for the coins. I later got a three ring binder to stick the inserts in.

Also I took pics of all the packages received today. Mostly records.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Weezer - teal album

Veil of Maya - false idol

Black octopus lipstick project - foam party

The octopus project

CSS - Cansei de Ser Sexy

OCEANLANE - crossroad

The Vienna philharmonic - Beethoven’s 5th symphony

No joy & sonic boom - ep

Teddybears - soft machine

Watching:

Rick and Morty season 3 blu ray

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Weezer black album vinyl pre order (2 colors)

Weezer black album cassette pre order

Packages received:

Lots of records from joyful noise

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.23.19

The first Amanda messaged me today accusing me of stealing her loop station. I never took the thing at all. Haven’t even thought of the thing for years. She said she is gonna to file a report and mention my name to the police.

I don’t know what her deal is.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

WHY? - sandollars ep

Marijuana deathsquads - oh my sexy lord

STNNNG - empire inward

Vaz - necessary, pt. 2

Alias & doseone - less is orchestra

The octopus project

Peter Adams - the spiral eyes

Teddy bears - soft machine

Gnarls Barkley - st. Elsewhere

Veil of Maya - false idol

Mary Hopkin - post card

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

“Hey if a serial killer/murderer/etc fits the profile exactly but has never killed, what does that make them ?” Me to Mxxxx

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.22.19

Wish I could eat chips and get fat right now.

I went a million places today. The altamonte mall. Starbucks. These two were part of a date with Mxxxx, who I really enjoyed hanging with. She is married and its all legit. Like they both see other people and shit. So this could be good for me.

Then did the white girl tour to tj maxx and Ross. Also before that early in the afternoon after Mxxxx I went to bright light books.

Went a little overboard on buying shit today. Oops.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fail better heal faster

The octopus project

American football - LP3 pre release song

Wings - wings over America

Status quo - rocking all over the world

Xavier Cugat jungle drums

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Bright light books:

Art toy picture book

Avocado cookbook (for Mxxxx)

Wings: wings over America vinyl record

Omg thrift

These weird soft vinyl Snow White dwarves figures

Clear makeup bag with

Kay Johnson vinyl record (with writing on the cover, a dedication to two ladies named carol and Donna)

Ross

NASA shirt

Super NES controller shirt

Super Mario shirt

TJ MAXX

Vaporwave lookin Tokyo shirt

Vaporwave lookin eyes shirt

Marilyn Monroe skeleton with hair shirt

Black stretch pants 34 inch waist for the first time whoop!

These fake ass sweat pants

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“When I try to be clear with you, I only end up being see through” -American football

Quote of the day:

“When I put my Makeup on, I take so many selfies” - male barista at the Starbucks by the Altamonte mall

“My dad was awesome. He loved pistachios and Star Wars. Only imparted one of those loves onto me. He is no longer with us, but his memory lives on through red pistachios that also no longer exist.” - Mandyism

“The problem with that idea is that I don’t have a penis. I’m sorry. It wouldn’t be a fair game.” - Mandyism

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.21.19

The girl who works here only a couple days a week, Ebony, just took a tour of the inner workings of my storage space. This was her asking if she could look at my stuffs.

Today’s and yesterday’s sketch:

This of course being Buff Monster and Frank Kozik inspired; and my Bose sound speaker I’ve been doing and my Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. Oh and the motorcycle license plate from Alaska. I had a Tupperware full of em mixed, here’s the reference:

And then this was me and my McNugget kick of course. A packet of mayonnaise and a vinyl record, and the remote to the tv

—/

Spent a good chunk of the day chatting with some potential dates. Mostly with a girl named Mxxxx, who is in a consensual non-monogamous marriage. She has kids also. It’s weird because she seems really into me and we are meeting tomorrow at 12:30pm. I’m excited to see what comes of this.

-//

I’m so excited about finding this Picasso print at goodwill today:

Here it is hung up

And here it was right before I stuck it in the car to take it home.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Mineral - one day when we are young

Wizo - uuaarrgh!

Beck - morning phase

MF DOOM - operation doomsday

Tame impala

Sheena Ringo (as suggested by Ebony who works at public storage)

The octopus project

Tame impala - lonerism

Astronautica - Gemini

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV:

Did a nice glam on ALC also

Purchases:

Bougie goodwill off Orlando ave in winter park:

Pocahontas toy

Assorted comic books

Picasso framed print

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Steady like a tricycle”

“Hoes get ripped off like Nicorette”

“Every day feels like an off day, with Ferris bueller”

mf doom

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.20.19

In line at Animal Kingdom helping my boy Orlando get in with his family.

I’m parked in giraffe 41-49

It’s way too early for me to be awake.

And I have to work. Aaaand I’m covering some lunch shift for my other boy Tom who has been feeling ill.

—//

Did the animal kingdom thing.

Did the afternoon lunch work thing.

Got called off for dinner because it was slow apparently.

Came home and let the roommate use her own car that I’ve been renting weekly.

—

Still working on cleaning and bagging those 45s my mother left to me by way of Danielito

—

So, I would say it’s time for me to maybe make a shortlist of women I’m dating/working on dating. I’ve got a few hat I’ve closed already and some still in the works so let’s see here:

(shortlist omitted)

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Animal Kingdom

Listening to:

The octopus project - hello avalanche

Hey Mercedes - ep

Hey Mercedes - everynight fireworks

No doubt - tragic kingdom

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

McNuggets

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.19.19

The last couple nights in a row, Yaqeen has called me and asked specifically what I have done to further the business, Deep Space Ventures. This is good and bad that the has asked me. Bad because I haven’t done jack shit; good because he is holding me accountable. And it is giving me a little hurt to not do anything. So I will have to forge ahead. He is trying to better himself and make me be better too. Good shit.

—-

I go to Dunkin’ Donuts just about every day to get a coffee. I stare at these fucking donuts and contemplate ordering a dozen and saying fuck all to my diet.

The moment had already passed.

I have to say I feel like I’m doing ok with this ketogenic diet.

—

Just saw a new white Honda Accord. Or was it a civic? Either way it reminded me of the second Amanda. Miss that chick too.

Remind me to tell you about the second Amanda sometime.

Sketch of the day:

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

The octopus project - hello avalanche

The octopus protect - one ten hundred thousand million

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Action figures

Lyric of the day:

“For all we know, these days are all numbered But things could get better I know Cause I'll be the first and the last one to go Lord it's a cruel, cruel world For all we know These days are all numbered And things will get better I hope Cause I'll be the first and the last one to go Lord it's a cruel, cruel world without love”

- further seems forever

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.18.19

Sketch of the day: I was doing laundry at a mat on Mills right there by colonial. The 7-Eleven recently closed down after being there for fucking ever. So I sat there in between the wash and the dry.

I don’t know what I’m hoping to accomplish with these sketches other than practicing. I would like to get to a decent level.

Something to do while I’m alive.

It’ll come in handy when I start making the toys also. Good stuff for cardbacks

—

Donated some more shit. Slowly clearing it out. Gonna list some

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fail better heal faster

ALL - problematic

Rex Orange County - apricot princess

Mineral - the power of failing

Wings - Venus and Mars

Sparklehorse - it’s a wonderful life

J Dilla - welcome 2 Detroit

JJ DOOM - Key to the kuffs

Duendita - direct line to my creator

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

Packages received:

Mineral 25 years and new single

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Slap my face, just to feel” - Jimmy Eat World

“May all your days be gold my child” - Sparklehorse

“Come my beautiful alien, touch me with your light” - Weezer

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.17.19

Sketch of the day locked in; I did Orko from masters of the universe, from the action figure I found yesterday:

And of course the source material

So I’m on my way to sketching I suppose. Leveling up my art abilities?

—

Minus the bear farewell concert:

My brother and I caught MTB on their farewell tour in Tampa back in November I think it was? I’ll have to check the date.

Anyway it was nice to spend time with him at a concert out and about. It was part of my attempt to stop being a dead beat sibling.

He and I have seen them numerous times over the years.

—

I ReDennised Andrea Zimmerman just now. Remind me to go and append the list. Stuck on I-4 traffic on the way home from her place.

My exit was closed for construction so I had to take a big ass detour. I dint even care but I thought it was notable.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

J Dilla - donuts

Jeff Rosenstock - worry

Quasimoto - the further adventures of lord quas

AJJ - bible 2

Wings - at the speed of sound

Ok go - ok

Trent reznor - bird box original score

Ok go - oh no

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Wheat grass juice powder

Boston market

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.16.19

The fucking stench of fake buttered popcorn. The Altamonte Springs mall. This is my current hip spot to hang out alone at.

Escape as a coping mechanism.

I pretend I’m just this guy who goes through life as an observer. Which I’m not really too far from pretending lately.

—-

You only ever see kids with short haircuts. Short little asshole haircuts.

—/

“Found a couple discounted figs,

Sat in the massage chair with no massage,

Renamed all the restaurants in the food court 'sugar',

Decided I want subscriptions to art and toy themed magazines,

And coffee. “ - excerpt of a text from Cxxxxxxxx asking me how the mall was.

—-

Sketch of the day is done:

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Bomb the music industry - adults

Bomb the music industry - get warmer

The arrogant sons of bitches - The arrogant sons of bitches!

Fail better, heal faster

Deftones - gore

The strokes - is this it

Jaylib - champion sound

In my room Apple Music playlist

Favorites playlist Apple Music

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/cucumber/lemon juice/stevia drink also been adding carrot and beet lately

Starbucks venti cold brew with heavy cream and an espresso shot

Chicken nuggets from McDonald’s

Cauliflower Mac and cheese I made

Top shoulder loin

Shrimp on top

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

Super 7 Masters of the universe action figures:

Orko

Evil-Lyn

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Mold and nice and stolen bikes

And a van everyone wants to break in to” - slumlord by bomb the music industry!

“Well I heard that you found somebody else

At first I thought it was a lie” - the 1975

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.15.19

Fake funny depression. Meme depression. People taking some dark shit and slapping an out of context caption and making light of it.

It’s not the worst idea.

Yeah everything is shit sometimes but do I want to off myself because I don’t have a pile of money to sleep on?

The answer is hell to the no.

—-

Yaqeen set it up last night so I didn’t have to work today. Corporate is in town and I’m just avoiding it all haha. Next few days off also. So that’ll take care of that.

What I need to do now is attempt to pick up at Yamasan just to have a couple extra bucks.

Just spoke to tobin briefly; he is definitely up his girlfriends ass haha. I’m ok with it. I suppose it’ll do some good for him seeing as it’s been forever since he’s: a)had a girlfriend b) gotten laid on the reg.

Also spoke to Frank; Microchip passed away very recently. His dog of 13 years or so. Back when Daylight District was still in effect.

Remind me to tell you about when I was in bands.

—-

Naomi Singleton ‘broke up’ with me today. We only met the one time. After months of talking. She didn’t like being deceived by my fake age on Okc. Also she claims she broke out in cold sores after seeing me and kissing me. I’ve never had a single sore anywhere so unless I’m some wild carrier, she is mistaken.

Her perception is her reality however. And I did burn her with the age thing.

I’m considering putting my age to normal age.

—

Made a first sketch today. The storage space wall and the table with some shit on it

So hopefully I can try to do one a day for fun. I went to Michaels as well and picked up a few gel pens.

Remind me to tell you where all my art supplies are. (Spoiler alert; they’re being held hostage by Axxxxx if she hasnt chucked em out. If anything she’s probably assimilated them into her own art shit.

—-

Just saw a hotpot place I’ve never seen before here on kirkman. Instantly thought of going there with Axxxxx. I miss her.

—

Went on a date

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Spoke to Frank about letting him know what I’ve been up to

To discuss still:

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Ale house in Kirkman for a date

Listening to:

PUP - PUP

PUP - the dream is over

PUP - kids (single off the new record)

Deadmau5 - for lack of a better name deadmau

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

First Astronomical Velocity - galaxy one

NOFX - punk in drublic

NOFX - Pump up the Valiuum

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

THE NEW PUP RECORD!! preorder

A couple books from brightlight books

Van Gogh in Arles

Knuckleheads graphic novel

The 100 best business books of all time

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“The universe is unforgiving and a dick

So we’ll do our best to live” - fail better heal faster

“ You know I’ve never been good at anything

Except for fuckin up and ruining everything” - PUP

“We’re on an ultralight beam

This is a god dream” - Kanye West, life of Pablo

Quote of the day:

“I can turn you into poetry

But I can’t make you love me” - fragment 5, weatheredwritings

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.14.19

Tokyo Elvis, who is one of my best friends, Frank Friend, who I have played in multiple bands with since we were 16-17.

He wants me to undertake the tasks involving getting him booked in town and out.

We’ve decided that the Comic-Con circuit would be a good fit for him. Also it would be for me as well in terms of getting a booth for the paulsstoragespace shit.

So I’ve started the process of emailing various cons in town coming up

—

Just saw a guy throw a rubber hammer at a peacock. A sentence I never thought I would say.

—-

Like dead glow worms falling slowly through oil

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Bomb the music industry - vacation

Fail better, heal faster

Alpha male tea party - droids

Just friends - nothing but love

Just friends - rock 2 the rhythm

Cornelius - point

Walter Ferguson - Babylon

Darwin Deez - 10 songs that happened when you left me with my stupid heart

Jeff Rosenstock - worry

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Sleeves for paper money

Sleeves for coins

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“In truth, December destroyed me. January crushed me By February, I was not myself March rolled in like beatings and rolled out like a bear hug In April I stared out the window for a fucking month I don't want October. I don't want November I don't want to feel those crippling blows That I can't explain to myself, my friends or you So I soften them with hours of Nintendo”

-bomb the music industry

“Loving you required ammunition” - Darwin Deez

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.13.19

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Killer Bee - Venus

Steffaloo - heart beats

Lone - reality testing

Fail better, heal faster

Watching:

Ready player one

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

100 record sleeves for 7 inch records

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I came here with hope and I left with a smoking habit” - fail better, heal faster

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.12.19

Spoke with yaqeen at ihop last night. He is trying to become the assistant general manager at STK. He was speaking to a couple of the top servers and more specifically Rob C, and rob was telling Yaqeen to cut ties with being friends with servers and more specifically me.

Now yaqeen and I are boys at this point. So it ain’t happening. But it does sting a little to hear that I’m not very respected in that sense.

—

Made cauliflower Mac n cheese. It was pretty tasty for sure. Nice and Keto friendly.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Emailed a few venues concerning playing:

Herohype:

Emailed on 01.12.19

https://www.herohype.com

Omni fandom expo

Emailed on 1.12.19

http://www.omniexpo.com

MyCon

https://mystic-con.com

Emailed on 01.12.19

To discuss still:

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

The presidents of the United States of America - S/t

The presidents of the United States of America - II

The cardigans - first band on the moon

Fail better, heal faster

PUP - the dream is over

Serengeti - Dennis 6E

Ricky eat acid - talk to you soon

Rozwell kid - precious art

Dorothy ashby - Afro harping

Serengeti - kaleidoscope 2 ep

Serengeti - Dennehy

Atmosphere - sad clown bad summer

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

wheat grass juice powder

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/cucumber/lemon juice/stevia drink

McDonalds 20 nuggets and a large Diet Coke ( this is the last time I swear )

Cauliflower ‘man n cheese’ that I made

Playing:

FFXIV - got ALC up to 50, working on getting LTW up to 50 also

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Superstar, I tried to educate your childish heart” - the cardigans

“You said it best when you said I’m a mess” - Rozwell Kid

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.11.19

Sitting here in Disney springs. I got here with an extra fifteen minutes or so; got a coffee and now I’m sitting on a bench watching people and life go by.

Picking out the weirdos and watching them. And the eccentric girls, for some reason they just appeal to me so hard, more so than conventional hot girls.

I need to make a move.

—-

After hours. Waiting on yaqeen to show up at this Ihop. He and I haven’t had one of these in a while. Hopefully he shows up haha. He said his phone was dying and he would meet me inside.

What i did toward the business today:

Listening to Tony Robbins power to influence

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Ihop with yaqeen

Listening to:

Fail better, heal faster

Angelo De Augustine - tomb

Bomb the music industry - vacation

1997 - a better view of the rising moon

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Tobacco - sweatbox dynasty

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Been on a huge chicken nugget for McDonald’s kick. Large diet cokes also. While they aren’t totally killing the diet, it’s probably not the best.

Tasted the Scallops special from work

Playing:

Purchases:

From fye all 75% off

Star Wars black series - Poe Dameron

Star Wars black series - Constable Zuvio

Pulp Fiction - Butch Coolidge, 8 inch tall approx

Super 7 Alien M.U.S.C.L.E. mini figs

From barnes and noble:

The new issue of Juxtapoz featuring Kaws on the cover

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I wanna move to Japan

And maybe I’ll understand

What to do with my life” - fail better, heal faster

Quote of the day:

“I don’t want it now, I want it right now” - Robert Davis GM STK

8 ball questions and answers:

“Is Axxxxx gonna come back to me at some point?”

“Yes”

Hashtags:

01.10.19

I’m on fucking autopilot. Just coasting through my days. Get back on track you asshole. Don’t be an old server. Have more than one income. Get some fucking momentum going.

How do I do this? What is my leverage to change? What will happen if I don’t do this?

I need to stir up some hurt within myself.

—-

How to innovate my way out of this? This place gives me no joy and therefore I am not giving it the attention it deserves.

—

I’ve been sent to Starbucks by Greg the manager to get a hot chocolate for a guest. I’m on a party upstairs and I won’t be missed. He gave me his debit card. I flirted with the girl who took my order. She was receptive.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Coheed and Cambria - good Apollo, I’m burning star IV

1997 - a better view of be rising moon

Cashmere cat - 9

Tony Robbins - the power to influence

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

PUP - the dream is over

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.09.19

What i did toward the business today:

Didn’t do a goddamn thing. Need to get on it

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Worked on the spam email

To discuss still:

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Keep Shelly in Athens -

Death cab for cutie - transatlanticism

Weezer - pacific daydream

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

Wheat grass juice powder

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I wish the world was flat like the old days

And I could travel just by folding the map” - death cab for cutie

“This is the sound of settling” - death cab for cutie

“‘Perfect’ always takes so long, because it don’t exist” - Jeff Rosenstock

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.08.19

Last night we had the STK makeup Christmas party for all the day-one-er’s. I almost didn’t go because I feel semi depressed and don’t wanna do shit all.

So we went and it was small but lost of the OG hang was there. Yaqeen of course and the lot.

We all just hung out drinking and roasting the shit out of each other.

Yaqeen and I are the roastmasters. He and I started this shit as a nice way to keep morale in the building at STK. And boy has it worked nicely.

Yaqeen told me the whole time I was away in Alaska that he kept the roasts alive. And my memory as well haha. Those were his words.

So, every day is now an HR nightmare in the building but no one seems to mind at all. I work the raunchiest coolest people ever. I would hang out with any of them outside of work.

So yeah the roast is strong with all of us. I swear if we all quit the restaurant biz and write comedy, we could get famous.

So as roastmasters, Yaqeen and I are the only two who can promote any of these jabronis trying to level up. They gotta be coming correct on the daily with hot roasts. And then when they fire of a real hum dinger of a zinger, based on the laughter of yaq and myself and any audience in attendance, that person will be leveled up immediately.

It’s fun. I love playing games all day every day.

—-

Been burning oil and smoking flower every day since I’ve been back to Orlando.

I don’t want to say it unmotivates me because I do get things done, just at a slower pace. I’m on weed time.

—

I’m hanging with Cxxxxxxxx outside of this McDonalds here:

228 S Orlando Ave

Maitland, FL 32751

United States

Called her up randomly to see how she was. Her stomach is tied up in knots over a boy she is also seeing.

You know, I’ve evolved into this person who isn’t jealous and just experiences women/ people as they are. I always say that some of my best relationships are been non-relationships: people I see when I see em, and we are both ok with it.

I don’t know how I got this way but here I am.

Where did I go askew with the way I view relationships? And by that I just mean the non traditional way people view things.

To be discussed later I suppose.

So yeah Cxxxxxxxx is soaring for food from McDonalds.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fail Better, heal faster

Weezer - death to false metal

The strokes - room on fire

HUM - you’d prefer an astronaut

Maritime - we the vehicles

Fishbone - give a monkey a brain and hell swear

Living colour

Portishead - third

Watching:

Johnny mnemonic

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“If I am feeling wacky, I think I might

Drink a quart of vodka

Spend the night down in the gutter” - Weezer

“What if the day had stayed in bed?” - Foo Fighters

“All the boys with directionless hair are rough

Languorous girls in undertaker makeup” - maritime

“The busy sisters stunning, won’t she be stunned

By the infinite parade of punk rock t shirts” - maritime

Quote of the day:

“Electrons take up less space, so..” - Cxxxxxxxx’s roommate on digitizing pictures

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.07.19

Becoming awesome.. hmm I still haven’t done that yet. Havent been doing much of shit lately. How do I get back on track?

The answer is to just do the damn thing.

whats my motivation? Good question to ask.

I don’t want to be an old server. And its weird because chronologically I am 38 but I don’t feel like that. A bit odd I suppose to think about.

so, whats the fix? Slowly work on becoming awesome. By the time I know it ,i’ll be there. But this is only going to come about through working every day toward things. I tell people all the time to just get 1% better every day, and here I am not doing that.

I need to implement all the advice I’ve been handing out.

That being said, what can I work on today toward becoming awesome?

What are some things I want to accomplish? Well lemme refer myself to the giant 18 month plan I have set up

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Serengeti - kaleidoscope 2 ep

Fail better, heal faster - s/t

Panuccis pizza - don’t tip the delivery boy

Panuccis pizza - All of my friends are familiar and the steps I took to realize this

Tigers Jaw - s/t

Halsey - Badlands

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

wheat grass juice powder

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I fell in love with your face so much, that it behooves me to look away” - Serengeti

“You can take what’s in my head; I don’t want it” - Fail better, heal faster

Quote of the day:

"Vision without execution is hallucination" - Thomas Edison

“Stop selling: start solving and serving” -

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.06.19

I keep trying to order the Downward is Heavenward vinyl reissue but it sells out immediately. Short story is, it’s just the singer from the now defunct band HUM, is releasing the reissue in pieces, cause he’s just one guy.

—-

Bagged up the Star Wars power of the force cardbacks in clear pages for a three ring binder

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Cky - the Phoenix

Ozma - Pasadena

Chrome sparks - goddess ep

HUM - downward is heavenward

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“You can’t exist In the world, without being a part of the world, and somehow that’s comforting, when you’re not where you want to be.” -ozma

“And she got me high,

And I barely noticed there were tears in her eyes.

And I miss you less and less every day,

It’s true the whiskeys gone and washed you away” - Margot and the nuclear so and sos

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.05.19

So I’ve been in Orlando for a couple months at this point. Back from my 6 month detour to Alaska.

Feels like I never left.

I don’t know if that’s a good statement or a bad one.

—

Bagged up some Buff Monster mini ice cream toys today. Been working on getting everything in plastic bags. Also I will start to labelling shit I want to get rid of with prices.

This is a little momentum toward having a booth at a con somewhere.

The real

Momentum would be to get a list of cons and then start spamming them for Frank and Tokyo Elvis and also for myself

—

Right, so coming back to Orlando. Not bad but it’s just me back in the same groove.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Toadies - rubberneck

Weezer - Pinkerton

Weezer pacific daydream

Queens of the Stone Age - songs for the day

Soundgarden - down on the upside

cky - infiltrtate destroy rebuild

Watching:

The Crow on bluray

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Through the ages, we got stupid, and now we must repent” - Toadies

“She never gets wet; she smiles and it’s a rainbow” - Ben folds

“I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat” - death cab for cutie

“These things don’t belong

On my list at all” - cky

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.04.19

So I’m working last night (At STK if no one has been following) and I get a text from Naomi Singleton (now this is not the same Naomi who is Axxxxx cousin who I was messaging and Axxxxx got wind of it and ended things with me once again)

She was in Disney springs. I work in Disney springs.

So she hits me up asking what I’m doing after work; I say probably heading home, and she goes: orrrr you can hang out with me in Disney springs.

So we met for the first time, right in front of STK, by the bridge.

Very nice chemistry.

So we walked through the springs a little. Hugged and held hands. I sat her down on a bench behind house of blues

—-

What makes me follow the rules one day and disregard them the next?

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Weezer - Hurley

Foo Fighters - there is nothing left to lose

Local H - as good as dead

Local H - hey, killer

Watching:

22 jump street on bluray

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Hang on til the break of the day” - Weezer

“I’m falling in love.. what was your name?” - Weezer

“Lately I’ve been feeling better

Wish I could stay sick with you” - Foo Fighters

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.03.19

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Bombadil - hold on

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.02.19

Tina Watkins comes back tonite. I hope she’ll let me use her car carte Blanche. She is defiantly motivated by money so an extra hundo a week should do the trick.

So, however long it takes for me to get my income tax money back, I’m getting a vehicle. It blows not having one.

—-

Taking a break from the space for food and mail and maybe big lots for some shit

—-

Moved some good stuff around in the space. Those three bookshelves (one of the four didn’t make it) are really helping me maximize the Howard space in there.

—

I have to leave to pick Tina up now from the airport. Well, it was nice having the place to myself.

—-

So I sorted the car out with Tina, I’ll pay her and will use the car as I have been. Once I get that income tax return I’m gonna get a vehicle dammit.

Bagged up what loose Dunnys I had in a Tupperware

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Jason’s deli

Big lots

My storage space of fucking course

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry

Cosmo’s midnight - what comes next

Scott pilgrim vs. the world original score

Red animal war - breaking in an angel

Bjork - post

Bjork - debut

Chrome sparks - chrome sparks

Fishbone - gift a monkey a brain and he’ll swear he’s the center of the universe

Watching:

Trainwreck on Blu-ray

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Sandwich bags for toys

Irving stickers

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“born as a data mine for targeted marketing, no one will listen up until you become a hashtag or a meme” - Jeff Rosenstock

“Let’s just drink and fuckin be alive, not just survive” - NOFX

“Give me something beautiful; I’ll believe your lies” - Red Animal War

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.01.19

Made out with a girl from my table last night. She was 23 I believe. She was with her parents and already drunk due to New Year’s Eve festivities. She and I were vining to the point where I caught her coming out of the bathroom and asked if she wanted to kiss at 12. She said she was trying to get a kiss right now, and then we did. And it was pretty on all night after that. A few more random stolen makeouts, and then got her number before we left. She was gonna ditch her parents at some point and wait for me after work, but surely she passed out. Let’s hope I hear from her today.

—-

“I don’t even have an emotional attachment to that particular Nintendo” - me on a garbage Nintendo I just donated.

—-

Holy shit I’m leaving target and can smell the Pizza Hut style pizza they got going on in there and it’s really making me crave it. This keto shit has been going on for two and a half months at this point. Maybe I organize some manner of cheat meal.

—

Seeing Galina at the hospice her father is. It won’t be long for him now.

—-

Cxxxxxxxx came over tonite. Haven’t seen her since before Christmas. I gave her her birthday present that I picked up for her. We hung out at ale house for a drink and then came back this way.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Target haha. Too high and only got a couple random things.

Listening to:

Hum - you’d prefer an astronaut

Swervedriver - mezcal head

Watching:

Scott Pilgrim vs the world

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Stranger things action figure on discount

Scott pilgrim on Blu-ray

BAMF score (I had a $75 store credit from trading in some Star Wars shit earlier last week):

Star Wars Han Solo vintage action figure

Ultraman fig

A couple Japanese older model kits

Packages received:

Star Wars power of the force bulk cardback set

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Every color mixed together

Will make another, in my reality” - Basenji

Quote of the day:

“You punched me in the boob; prepare to die obviously” - Scott pilgrim vs the world

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

0 notes

roguenewsdao · 6 years

Text

Schiller Institute NYC Webcast with Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity's (VIPS) William Binney and Ray McGovern

Why 2018 Promises the Total Unraveling of the Anglo-American Deep State Coup vs. Trump: Grassley and Graham Call for Criminal Indictment Against 'Ex' Agent MI6 Christopher Steele

U.S. District Court Judge Richard Leon, who interestingly enough previously struck down some NSA bulk collection surveillance as unconstitutional in 2015, ruled last week against Fusion GPS withholding their bank records from U.S. House investigators. A whining op-ed by Fusion GPS principals in The New York Times defending their work that an FBI Deputy Director refused to authenticate any significant portion of under oath did them no good, as Rep. Devin Nunes' (R-CA) House and Grassley's Senate committees continue to dig into the 'private intelligence firm's corrupt links to Democrat partisan hacks inside Jim Comey and Andrew McCabe's FBI and conspiring for then director John Brennan to politicize intelligence at the CIA. Fusion GPS payoffs to major news outlet journalists who pushed its stories on behalf of the Democratic Party deep state is also under investigation. The now public letter from Sens. Grassley and Graham to Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein makes it clear why, in a leak timed for New Year's Eve, defenders of McCabe and Comey sought to claim that the Russia investigation began in July 2016 after a tip from an Australian government official about then low level campaign aide George Papadopoulos. Once again, the so-called '5Eyes' alliance of the British and Aussies are seen meddling in a U.S. election under the guise of passing on helpful intelligence tips about Russian efforts to infiltrate the Trump camp or offer it emails the SVR/GRU hacked from Hillary Clinton's illegal classified data containing bathroom server.

5Eyes British Meddling in American Politics and the Absence of NSA/GCHQ Proof of 'Russians Hacking the DNC'

It should be noted here that even if Papadopoulos repeating gossip over drinks justified the FBI opening an inquiry, that the NYT account deliberately conflates the missing and presumed deleted (and then widely discussed across anti-Clintons alt-media) 33,000 server emails with those that were leaked later from the DNC. It's certainly possible, and we now know the FBI considered it likely until Comey and his pro-Hillary counterintelligence chief Peter Strzok shut the line of inquiry down, that Russia and other foreign powers security services did hack alongside the now imprisoned Romanian known as Guccifer into Hillary's server and steal highly classified data the then Secretary of State recklessly left at the easily uncovered Clinton mail domain. Nonetheless, the evidence of 'Russians hacking the DNC' relies on the NATO G-NGO Atlantic Council linked and debunked research of Crowdstrike. As we heard this week, the Justice Department has reopened their investigation into pay for play corruption while Hillary was Secretary of State at the Clinton Foundation, which 'coincided' with a fire on the grounds of the Clintons residence in Chappaqua, New York.

As Harley Schlanger wrote here at RogueMoney in October 2017, there is strong circumstantial evidence Papadopoulos, who is now cooperating with Mueller after lying about his contacts to the FBI, was a British intelligence plant all along. There are certainly signs the young Greek American was living beyond his means while traveling the world with his gorgeously telegenic Italian girlfriend who has given interviews defending her man to the media since his cooperation with Mueller was reported. What the Comey/McCabe loyalists left in the Bureau and Democrats are desperately trying to do is deflect from the core issue multiple allies of the President on Capitol Hill are pursuing (along with reports Comey leaked classified information for which he could be prosecuted): was the partisan hot garbage dossier used as the basis for obtaining FISA warrants to spy on the Trump campaign? If so, that would be an abuse of intelligence resources by the Obama Administration against its political opponents worse than anything President Richard Nixon was impeached for in the 1970s. And how much did the FBI under Comey/McCabe agree to pay its author while Fusion GPS pals promoted it across the intelligence community, ultimately with the aid of Brennan and then ODNI James Clapper?

It has been reported by The Wall Street Journal's Kimberly Strassel, who has also pointed out the Democrats are citing 'Russian descent' to mark Americans for suspicion of 'collusion', that Clapper recently told CNN he had no recollection of Papadopoulos name. Clapper made this denial on the RussiaGate hyping fake news network that pays him as a consultant despite, as DNI, him having the authority to request the unmasking of Papadopoulos or any other 'incidentally collected' by NSA American citizen's name. We know Clapper in his high position could have easily done so, because so many other Obama Administration officials with far less 'need to know' ranging from Susan Rice to Samantha Power improperly unmasked Trump campaign associates while looking for useful Russia-related dirt for the Democrats. Just as he perjured himself regarding NSA mass surveillance in Senate questions he knew were coming, the arrogant deep state poster boy Clapper is either lying to the American people again, or the whole Papadopoulos story is a CYA concoction. Binney Exposes the Lies Then and Now of former NSA Director/DNI James Clapper

As former NSA technical director turned whistle blower William Binney has repeatedly stated in public, the same Agency he once served that easily traced Chinese government hacking operations to specific People's Liberation Army personnel based in a Shanghai office building ought to have no problems revealing how it tracked the alleged Russian hackers behind the DNC dump. The fact that NSA under now retiring Admiral Mike Rogers has declined to present any evidence supporting the Comey/Clapper/Brennan rigged January 2017 'assessment', and its British counterparts at GCHQ have presented zero evidence showing a custody chain from Russian hackers to Wikileaks Julian Assange monitored by HMG 24/7 inside the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, reveals the fraudulence of the entire case.

In addition to the full two and a half hour recording from Friday, we're reposting the transcript of Harley Schlanger's most recent interview with Schiller Institute President Helga Zepp LaRouche regardng the alleged Steve Bannon White House 'tell all' Fire and Fury book. Harley also discuss Lyndon LaRouche's four economic laws, the failure of British/City of London driven divide and conquer geopolitics far beyond their failed coup against Trump, and China's One Belt One Road (OBOR) megaprojects gaining momentum. -- JWS

End Geopolitics, Adopt LaRouche's Four Laws LaRouchePAC webcast January 4, 2018

HARLEY SCHLANGER: Hello, I'm Harley Schlanger from the Schiller Institute, welcome to this week's Schiller Institute international webcast, featuring our President and founder Helga Zepp-LaRouche.

Helga, in your New Year's greeting, you stated that this year there is reason for optimism because solutions do exist. What's necessary is to make sure these solutions are implemented. As we will discuss today, there have been very significant developments on a broad range of fronts, including the new exposures that promise the possibility of ending the Mueller investigation. There's the new opening between North and South Korea, as a channel of communications was opened, that's certainly promising; and continuing developments with the Belt and Road Initiative from China.

But let's begin with the situation in the United States: Among the developments around the so-called Russia-gate, there's a new book that came out called Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House, which just has the typical stink of a British smear-job. But it's opened the door an interesting backlash. What do you make of this book, and the developments around Russia-gate?

HELGA ZEPP-LAROUCHE: I think this book is full of inaccuracies, lies and it had actually a very positive effect, because it quotes Bannon who had come out in the recent period very strongly anti-China, anti-Russia, and so then these things which were said by Bannon, Trump took to send out a White House message distancing himself from Bannon completely, and that has caused a complete storm. So all the media are full of the book, that the book is supposedly a big revelation about what's going on in the White House, that Trump has missed Bannon in this way.

But these are really side shows. Something much, much more important is going on and in the beginning I would like all our viewers and listeners to absolutely make sure that you switch on your livestream connection to larouchepac.com at 7 p.m. tomorrow, because there will be a truly important meeting conducting by the whistleblowers from the Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity, the VIPS representatives William Binney and Ray McGovern, and also Barbara Boyd who is famous for having written the dossier on Robert Mueller. And they will reveal why all of these lies are very dangerous and would potentially lead to war with Russia; but this meeting of three, probably the best experts on the subject you can imagine, is coming in the context of the whole Russia-gate falling apart.

So while the mainstream media are still trying to change the subject by focussing on this book and on the Bannon story, the real important story instead is what happened yesterday, where, you remember that on Dec. 28, Congressman Devin Nunes who is the head of the House Intelligence Committee had put an ultimatum to the FBI and the Department of Justice to release all documents in relation to the activities involving the DOJ and the FBI in respect to the dossier of Christopher Steele, the so-called "former" MI6 agent, whose dossier was the ground on which this Russia-gate story was founded.

Now, this story is falling apart. And there was another absolutely desperate effort by the head and founder of the Fusion GPS firm Glenn Simpson, which is the firm that hired Christopher Steele in the first place, with an op-ed in the New York Times trying to defuse the whole story, saying what a heroic job they did in protecting the United States from a terrible Russian onslaught in the campaign, and — anyway, so this is all not working, because the truth is coming out. And what happened yesterday is that the head of the FBI Wray, and the Deputy Attorney General Rosenstein, went to see House Speaker Paul Ryan and they discussed with him, obviously, the Nunes the request, because shortly afterwards, Nunes released a story that he had an agreement in hand that in the next in the couple of days all the documents would be released pertaining to this story.

Now, I'll only believe it when I actually see that these documents are really there, but he is now very confident that all the documents will be released, and this is a breaking story, because I'm absolutely certain that once these documents are in the hands of the House Intelligence Committee, or the Senate Judiciary Committee, because Senator Grassley is involved in a similar investigation, then this can boomerang! The real story here is not that Russia was colluding with the Trump campaign, the real scandal, which all these question marks lead to, if it turns out that the Obama administration colluded with British intelligence and the Hillary Clinton campaign and the DNC, in order to conspire against an opponent candidate and after he won the election, against an elected President, that is a scandal which could totally dwarf the Watergate scandal and this is now the breaking story.

So don't be confused by what the mainstream media are trying to sell you as the key story, because the true story is around Nunes and around Senator Grassley and around what they are now pursuing.

SCHLANGER: You made the point that there was a desperate attempt to cover this up by the two founders of Fusion GPS. In their statement, they essentially said that the work that they did "proved" that there was Russia intervention, and they spoke in the op-ed as if there was actual proof that had been presented. But, as Bill Binney and Ray McGovern and Barbara Boyd will present in their presentation, there's no proof that's been presented, and this why the whole story is falling apart.

Also, Helga, I think it's important that Paul Manafort, who was one of the people who was targetted by Mueller, has filed a civil action to have his case dropped, because it's outside of the range of the Special Counsel's mandate.

Now, in the midst of all this, you have the upcoming State of the Union address, we have new warnings of a financial crisis, how does this play out, what's the potential, if Trump could be freed from this operation, what's the potential with the coming weeks on the economy?

ZEPP-LAROUCHE: The warnings of Roger Stone that the cabal which is trying to get rid of Trump will not give up has to be taken very seriously. Just now, I think 56 congressmen filed, or said they want to form a committee to see if they can pursue the 25th Amendment against Trump, and they're trotting out all kinds of psychiatrists who try to interpret the tweets of Trump and find some reasons that he's not fit for President. I mean, it looks quite different: If Trump is freed of the Russia-gate scandal, which is about to happen; if Trump is freed of the populist, whole scenario which Bannon was associated with, and in his message he said: I was elected by the forgotten men and women, and I'm going to answer to them, not Bannon.

So, if these two chokepoints are removed from Trump, then the field is totally open, and there are now various conservative news blogs and others who demand that all of this idea that you create jobs with the tax reform and so forth, this all doesn't work, you need Glass-Steagall; so if even from the conservative Republican circles is coming now the demand for Glass-Steagall, this is very important. And our colleagues in the United States, the colleagues from LaRouche PAC, they are involved in a major campaign to distribute the Four Laws of Lyndon LaRouche — the first law being Glass-Steagall; and then go to a Hamiltonian credit system, and then the United States should join the New Silk Road — this is the campaign about which we're saying there are solutions; because it would be very easy, once you have a clear perspective going for a massive infrastructure program, and the big battel right now, as far as I can see, is in the Republican Party, where the neo-cons and the people close to Wall Street want to prevent that from happening, and instead go with the idea of cutting entitlements and things like that.

So the crucial battle is really in the remaining, I think three weeks up to the State of the Union address occurs. So all people who are concerned should really see, on the other side, you have this tremendous momentum of the New Silk Road. Even people who have been distant and warning against the New Silk Road, they're now saying, "forget all reservations, this is the big game in town, it's the only show, it's the largest infrastructure program on the planet," and it is obvious that any country which does not work with the New Silk Road will be sidelined.

There are tremendous strategic realignments going on right now, and as one former German ambassador to China just wrote in a long article in a German economic newspaper, that the people who are saying that the relationship of Europe to the United States or China would be a zero-sum game are completely wrong, because you can have both a very good relationship with the United States and with China, and those who have reservations obviously only project their own hegemonic intentions from the previous century onto China. And this guy, Schaefer, is then saying he knows Xi Jinping personally from previous years and he is a totally calm, person with long vision, having an idea of a harmonious development, and people should just join.

And there are more and more voices of even bankers, who now say, no, this is the new game in town. So if the United States can be brought to join this New Silk Road, and Chinese investments in infrastructure in the United States can take place, — I mean, China is a champion on this! They have now already 25,000 km fast train; they're planning to have 38,000 km by the year 2030; they will connect every major city in China through a fast train system. And why can't that be done in the United States? The United States is in bitter demand of a total renewal of infrastructure. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette a couple of days ago had a very good article saying that the fact that the Atlanta Airport, which is the largest hub for air traffic, closed down for 11 hours because the electricity had a blackout because of old age, and that that is the condition of most of the electrical grid in the United States, because the infrastructure in the United States is aging, it's 50, 60, 100 years old — bridges, roads, all of this needs to be repaired.

This cannot be repaired, or cannot be financed, if you stay within the rules of Wall Street, and therefore, the big battle is how can we get President Trump to stick to his election promise, — Glass-Steagall, he talked about the American System of economy, he talked about Lincoln and Carey, Alexander Hamilton, — that is what we have to hopefully get on the agenda, and then all the problems can be solved.

SCHLANGER: On that note, Helga, there's also this whole question of Lyndon LaRouche's Four Laws as the basis for this versus this fake economics from Wall Street. The President is I think mistakenly talking about the stock market as an indicator of the economy. You were talking earlier about the warnings coming out internationally, with debt bubbles and financial crisis. It would seem that this would be the incentive, given this danger of a crash, to go back to these campaign promises wouldn't it?

ZEPP-LAROUCHE: Yes. As the year is just starting, a lot of analysts from around the world, including from China, are warning of new black swans in the financial system. Also Nomi Prins and many other analysts, bankers from many countries are warning that there is 100% certain that this system will crash. It's very difficult to say exactly when it will crash, at the beginning of this year, or a little bit later, but the parameters are all much, much worse than 2008: The corporate debt bubble is much bigger, the indebtedness of the states, student loans, car loans, the real estate situation, all the parameters, and naturally the derivatives exposure, are about one-third to one-half larger than in 2008; with the difference is that all the secret instruments of the central banks have been used up, and the only thing which is left is money pumping. And despite the fact that inflation was not so visible, except in the stock market, the hyperinflation is an absolute possibility, and the stock market — it's a bubble. People should not think that that is an indicator of the health of the economy. If you look at the jobs, how many people are now calculated in labor statistics, the suicide rates, the drug epidemic, all of these are factors affecting the real economy, and that has not yet been addressed.

So the big pressure is really to go for a real, Roosevelt-style infrastructure project with the Four Laws of LaRouche, which involves a lot of physical science. It involves a crash program for fusion power, for space technology, and we need a real discussion about these matters very urgently in the next two to three weeks.

SCHLANGER: And this, of course, is something that the listeners can do something about, by working to ensure that these issues are discussed, that we're not trapped in the fake economic reporting of the mainstream media.

The other significant development on the strategic side of things, was the opening of communications between North Korea and South Korea. This is something that promises the possibility of moving out of this threat of nuclear confrontation. What do you know about this, Helga?

ZEPP-LAROUCHE: I think it is a promising development, because the dialogue has been started. It's not entirely clear on what level it will be actually be conducted, but rumors are also that South Korea and the United States have suspended military training and drills during the time of the Olympics taking place in South Korea, and it is a promising thing. Because if the two Koreas talk to each other, the ice is broken. And I think [D.P.R.K. Chairman] Kim Jong-un is doing it from a position of strength, because he says, North Korea is now a full-fledged nuclear power so nobody can attack us without paying a terrible price for it. And this is because he looked at Saddam Hussein, at Qaddafi, and what was attempted against Assad, and that is why he pursued this way.

So I think if we get away from that kind of immediate danger of confrontation, and South Korea is resuming the Sunshine Policy of Kim Dae-jung, and that, in the context of the New Silk Road, with the promises of Putin to help in the development of North Korea, if they are willing to denuclearized; China offering the Silk Road cooperation, I think we are entering a period where that problem can be brought under control, and I think this is very promises.

And I think the views of [U.S. Ambassador to the UN] Nikki Haley, who says she doesn't care about the two Koreas talking, is just completely wrong! It's a completely arrogant view, because after all, it's the Korean Peninsula which is at stake and the people living there. So, I think it's a very good and promising development.

SCHLANGER: And of course, Nikki Haley is tied to people like John Bolton and the same neo-cons who were responsible for the Iraq War and the chaos in the Middle East.

At the same time, we're seeing a potentially disturbing trend, coming not so much out of Iran, but commentary about Iran, that this may be a regime change under way. What do you know about this situation in Iran, right now?

ZEPP-LAROUCHE: Well — It's a little bit too early to make a definite judgment. What seems to be clear is that the unrest erupted because some mullahs were caught in speculation, where people lost some investments in hedge funds, and then quickly that protest turned from being furious about having lost their savings into demanding a total change of the mullahs. And now basically there is a claim that the MEK was involved in it, pushed by Saudi Arabia.

Now, the MEK [Mujahideen-e-Khalq, aka MKO, PMOI] was on the terrorist list until 2012, until Hillary Clinton took them off, but it was an organization regarded as being a terrorist organization, and it's very clear that whether they were the originators, or if they only jumped on the bandwagon, in any case, now the British, Saudi Arabia, and unfortunately a large part of the Trump administration, including Trump himself, have encouraged this unrest.

I think this is very dangerous, because if you have, for example, civil war in Iran, or just a destabilization — another Syria in Iran — I mean, nobody can want that, because on the other side, if the New Silk Road is extended from China to Iran, which is already under way, then it can be extended to Iraq, to Syria, to Egypt, to Turkey, to Europe, to Africa. It's really the question — and [Iranian President] Rouhani received President Xi Jinping almost three years ago and they agreed that the New Silk Road/Belt and Road Initiative should be extended to Iran and beyond. So, I think that this is a very dangerous development, because if you have a destabilization, the whole Iran deal could go out of the window, you'll be back in the question of building nuclear weapons, and this is really the most dangerous spot in my view right now.

So people should really not fan the flames, because this is just a continuation of the previous British/Saudi policies. When it was clear that ISIS was defeated in Syria and in Iraq, and there are offers now to extend the Silk Road into Afghanistan [via Iran] — it's really the question, can the development be peaceful, that these countries be reconstructed, or are there geopolitical forces at work to try to prevent exactly that?

And I think that people should really help to reconstruct the Middle East, because these people have suffered so much from wars which were based on lies. Just think how many millions of people have lost their lives, how much misery has been created. Look at what's happening in Yemen right now: the worst genocide, 7 million people are in acute danger of losing their lives! The world communist must become adult and stop these games and that is why I said in my New Year's greetings, that of all the many things which have to be straightened out, geopolitics must stop! Geopolitics in the time of thermonuclear weapons cannot be a way to conduct policy. And Xi Jinping has established a new paradigm, with the idea of new, shared community for the shared future of mankind, a community of destiny, and by doing that, he has established a higher level of relations among countries which is not based on geopolitics.

And I think people have to think that through, because people in the West are so accustomed to think that policy is a zero-sum game, if one wins, the other loses, that we cannot have a world where everybody cooperates to the benefit of all, but that is exactly the debate which we have to have. And since the New Silk Road is such a strong dynamic, I think it can be realized: It just needs to be discussed, we have to have a political discourse about these questions, and show a willingness to move to new era of civilization.

SCHLANGER: One of the areas where we see as a bright spot for this "win-win" policy is Africa, where some of these projects are now coming online. You told me earlier that there's now an agreement for Japan to work with China in Africa. What's your perspective on what we can expect in the next period with this cooperation in Africa?

ZEPP-LAROUCHE: I think this is one of the most interesting things, because Japan has not only expressed an absolute willingness to cooperate with the Belt and Road Initiative, with the AIIB in a bilateral relation between China and Japan, but Japan has really offered, for the first time, to cooperate with China in the development of four major projects in Africa. Now, this is exactly what the New Silk Road Spirit can bring about: That you not just have bilateral relations in a "win-win" cooperation, but that countries which have major industrial capacities like China and Japan, that they can unite for the benefit of third countries, or in that case even a continent, and help to overcome the underdevelopment.

And that is what the United States should join in, and we are appealing to the Europeans that they should also. Right now there are many countries in Europe which are getting onboard, but some others are not. Very interesting in this context will be the visit of Macron to China on Jan. 8th; the French Economic Minister Le Maire just gave an interview in which he said the intention of Macron is to build an economic backbone from Paris to Moscow to Beijing, and if that would be the outcome of Macron's visit, then you have Eastern Europe, Central Europe, the Balkans, South Europe, and France moving in this direction and that would make the position of Brussels and the non-existing in Berlin very isolated. And I have been saying the whole time, whoever is not getting onboard with this new paradigm, will be sidelined by history and at a great peril for their respective populations.

As I said, the solutions are so much in sight, and therefore there is tremendous reason to be optimistic that this year 2018 can become a very, very positive change in the history of mankind, where we leave these geopolitical confrontations behind us, and have a concert of nations working for the common good.

I know many people think this is completely idealistic and not realistic, but look what China is doing: China is going global. There is a new spirit, which was expressed at the Belt and Road Forum last May, by Xi Jinping and others, it was reiterated at the 19th National Congress of the CPC in October, it was expressed by Xi Jinping, and Wang Yi and others at the New Year's speeches; and China is now moving with an incredible speed to go global. And it's happening on all levels and there's no reason to feel threatened by it, because if countries like Germany or the United States would go back to their best traditions, like the United States going back to the Kennedy Apollo idea, or going back to the New Deal of Roosevelt, there is nothing which the United States and China cannot do together; or Germany and China, and other countries working together.

People have to change their thinking! It's not a zero-sum game. It's the idea, can we define goals for humanity, can we do what was discussed in the Federalist Papers already in the young America? Can find a self-rule which is for the long-term survivability of our society? And I think we can. I think the human species is capable of reason, I think we are even capable of love — and people think love has nothing to do with politics, but that's not true! The outcome of the Thirty Years' War was a terrible destruction in Europe but out of that came the Peace of Westphalia. And if you look at the principles of the Peace of Westphalia, the two most important features were for the sake of peace, forget every evil which was done by the one or the other side, and concentrate on joint development; and the second principle was, for the sake of peace, foreign policy from now on has to be based on "the interest of the other in love."

And I think that that is what China is doing: It's consistent with the idea of a harmonious development of all nations, and that was the policy of John Quincy Adams, so it's not alien to American history. It was also associated with humanism in Europe, with the idea of Leibniz, of Cusa, of many other great people who were thinking in terms of development as the goal of history.

So we are at a crucial change of the era, where we have to leave the era of geopolitics behind us and move to a completely new phase in the history of civilization.

SCHLANGER: Helga, I think you just summarized very beautifully why we can be optimistic as we approach this year. But! optimism alone won't do it: We have to be active. And I call on all of our listeners and supporters to make sure that this is the year you become members of the Schiller Institute and become active with us, so that we can ensure that these policy solutions will be implemented.

So Helga, until next week, thank you very much, and we'll see you then.

ZEPP-LAROUCHE: OK, bye.

0 notes