#harper talks

[harpsicalbiobug]

Always good to get an unprecedented radio call like: "can someone... I...there is a bird in the slide. "

[harpsicalghost]

Alrighty. I'm in the lesbian brewery again, my writing focus place. Gotta try to hammer out a short fic in one go because 1) let's kill perfectionism and 2) I think this idea is fun but I'm not overboard possessive enthralled by it which really puts the pressure off.

[prlssprfctn]

I think it would be so fucking funny if Bruce and Jason constantly treated Gotham (city) like a real person, and spoke about it in a strange, codependent way. Like, hearing this without a context definitely feels like they are talking about their girlfriends or something. And the rest of the family is, like, concerned.

Dick, just adopted: So, when I was in circus, we constantly travelled around! That's, like, so cool! Will we travel a lot, too?

Bruce, sighing: I used to, but she keeps calling for me. I can't really leave her alone.

Dick, confused: Your girlfriend?..

Bruce: What?

Bruce: Gotham.

Dick: whoa, WHAT

Bruce, sitting with a half-smile and little cake on the table: Good morning

Tim, who only used to see Bruce depressed during the whole year: Woah, it is someone's birthday?

Bruce: Of course. It is her day

Tim: Uh-h... Catwoman's?

Bruce: What? No, no, Gotham's?

Tim: ...What the hell. Sure.

Then Jason comes back, assured that he and Gotham are locked like that. They are besties. Gotham loves him — she brought him back. The rest of the family genuinely starts to think that both of them are specifically fucked up in the head on the level others aren't.

Jason: My life was rough, but she was here when I needed her the most. Her hands cradled me in life — then death. I am so grateful.

Damian, confused: Are you speaking of my mother, Todd?

Jason: Talia is great, but I meant Gotham.

Damian: Gotham?..

Bruce, passing by: Isn't she the best?

Jason: Hate to agree with old man, but, yeah.

Damian: *_*

Roy, staring at Jason, who is complaining on Bruce again after a patrol: Remind me again, why can't you work in another city? Even country. You love France. Move out!

Jason, frowning: There is no way I am leaving her.

Kori, confused: Her? You got a girlfriend?

Jason: ???

Jason: GOTHAM??? I AM TALKING ABOUT GOTHAM.

Kori: ...

Roy: Crowbar crowbar-ed a little close to the sun?

The Batfamily: (Voting to which city/country they want to have their family trip)

Dick, counting down anonymous voices: Alright, two votes for China. Three for Italy. One vote for Spain. And...

Dick, with his eye twitching: Two votes for Gotham. Really?

Everyone: (turn to Bruce and Jason)

Bruce and Jason, synchronically: Okay, hear me out—

[anyknotrants]

-a slow day at the BHPD office-

Roy: *gets out from the elevator and beelines it to Dick's desk*

Dick: Hey Roy- what are you doing here?

Roy: Sorry, don't really have much time,

Roy: *hands him stack of papers* just sign these and I’ll be on my way

Dick: sure? *takes the papers*

Dick: ...

Dick: Roy, those are divorce papers

*every head in the hearing range snaps up*

Roy: yup, remember Vegas?

Dick: no, which I think was the point the tequila

Roy: crap, hoped at least you'd remember how that happened. Well, apparently we got drunk enough to get married. To piss off Olie and Bruce I'm sure. But I actually need these signed.

Dick: *picking up a pen* yeah? What, finally decided to propose to Jason? *starts signing them*

Roy: yup

Dick: *stops*

Dick: wait, really?

Roy: it was basically accidental mutual proposal, but yes

Dick: *hands him the signed papers* well damn, I don’t know which one of you I should threaten first. He’s my brother, but I’ve known you longer

Roy: preferably, neither

Dick: We’ll see, so who's gonna be the best man?

Roy: *takes the papers* nope, I'm not going down that rabbit hole, thanks for these, bye!

The office: …

Dick: *turns around to see the whole precinct staring at him*

Dick: ...

Dick: well, that's my cue for my lunch break, see you in a bit!

(this is for our Batfam community PromptMonday)

[superbat-lmao]

Jason joking: You’re so annoying.

Roy loopy from sleep deprivation: You like annoying.

Jason flustered: What the fuck-

Later, talking about a family dinner that didn’t go well.

Roy morose: Sorry about that Jaybird, thanks for putting up with me last night. I know I can be annoying.

Jason realizing something about himself: I like annoying.

[ditzybat]

Jason: am I tweaking or is that Dick, dabbing up Simone Biles, before getting ready to perform high beam?

Tim: I dunno, but is that Roy for team USA in the archery category?

Jason: fuck I should’ve competed for shooting

Tim: I should’ve competed for judo, boo 🍅

[zuliuli]

Minentine by @ivormybeloved ♪ヽ(*´∀｀)ﾉ

DAY 27!! Admire

DAY 28!!!! Dance 🎶

(And with that.... Minentines is over 😔. It's time for the most horrendous week of my life lol)

[charactercandyart]

♪ help you put on your lipstick ♪

♪ lean close, and help you ruin it ♪

[yeagerbitchh]

I like to think Dick would react like a crazy big brother when he found out about Jason and Roy getting together.

Like he'd feel so betrayed, how could his best friend and his baby bro start dating and not even tell him for months? And oh god now he'd have to see them kiss? He could never get that image out of his head. He'd have to get used to seeing Roy at the family dinners and sure Jason looked happy but couldn't it be with literally anyone else? Didn't Roy know better than to go after his little baby brother? I mean seriously he's just a baby he is not ready to be a dad. How could he take care of Lian if he can't even take care of himself and-

And that's when it hits him, that technically Jason's her dad now, given the seriousness of the relationship and the fact that he did overhear the girl calling Jason Jaydad, so Dick is oficially her favourite uncle.

He is suddently very ok with their relationship.

[harpsicalbiobug]

Need to stop having vacations that are more stressful than a work week.

[harpsicalghost]

Somehow wrote 1,800 words yesterday in about two hours for the Alicia + Danny bonding fic (after writing nothing for weeks). To be clear it was outline, but that's actually GREAT. I realized that whenever I try to write plot/wtf actually happens and how and why, I get bogged down in writing scenes. Because writing a scene is fun! Solution? Everytime I noticed myself adding too many details I would just write HARPER STOP THAT and then when I would immediately forget why I wasn't writing the scene I would see that and switch back to outlining. It felt really ridiculous but it worked!

[auroreliis]

Honestly if I was batsis I'd pretend to have a crush on the batboys close friends(excluding Damian because he and Jon are still babies) just to annoy them. Jason bring Roy over? Suddenly I'm very interested in his tattoo's and I want to know all about archery. I catch kon in the kitchen in Tim? Suddenly i'm very into the conversation they're having and am making eye contact a lot with Kon. I feel liked they'd do something like this; Batsis: You know I really like your tattoos. Roy: Oh thanks. Jason: ... You gotta go, like, now. Roy: What-

Brilliant, anon!! What a great idea!! This was very fun to write :)

(don't mind the spelling mistakes please lol. i am tired out of my mind)

For starters, when Bruce first introduced the members of the Justice League to you (it took a lot of convincing), you just couldn’t help but flirt with them.

I mean, just LOOK at Aquaman. The moment you laid your eyes on him, you felt a spark. He hadn’t noticed you staring, but surely he had felt it too. Bruce, however, had noticed you staring. He didn’t seem particularly amused, almost as though he saw you daydreaming about your wedding with Aquaman. Just when you were making your way over to them, Bruce scowled and swiftly led Aquaman away. After that, you never saw him ever again…

Or that one time when Green Lantern came over. Wow. What a man. You didn’t waste a second walking up to him and introducing yourself. The giggles you were suppressing nearly slipped out after you saw Bruce’s eye twitch. Green Lantern entertained your advances, though you knew he wasn’t interested in you. Whenever Bruce started with his, “Hal. We should leave”, you would always interrupt him with more questions directed at Hal.

“So…do you like pasta? I’m actually really good at making it. You should come over, you know? I could treat you!” You all but winked at him.

Hal found it very interesting, don’t get him wrong, he thought you were very funny, but when Bruce is standing right there beside him, he felt…intimidated. So intimidated, in fact, that he can barely reply to your questions.

“Oh…um…” he nervously glanced at Bruce. “Green. You know what, kid? Your father and I have some business to attend to…so…see you next time. Good luck with the um…yeah, never mind.”

Hal sped off, leaving you and Bruce alone. You had been in the mood to laugh until your father turned to you with a serious expression. Suddenly you weren’t in the mood to laugh anymore. To put it simply, it was a clear warning: Don’t do it again, his look communicated.

Now, Constantine, he was fun to hang around with, likely because he isn’t as scared of Batman as the rest is. And also, he’s hot. “You are so cool, honestly. It’s really impressive how often you’ve escaped death”, you leaned against the wall. To be honest, you weren’t even listening to what he was saying, all you needed to hear was his strong English accent and little sprinkles of humor.

After some bribery, you had gotten Tim to tell you that Bruce was most concerned about you meeting Constantine. For some reason, you figured…

“So…I like older men, what about you?”, you batted your eyelashes at him. You didn’t have Bruce in your periphery, as you were focusing on John, but you could imagine him shaking in fury.

“Yeah, I like older men too”, he replied nonchalantly. Dammit, he got you. Well, he was a funny guy.

Bruce seemingly relaxed at that, but that’s not to say that he was satisfied with the interaction taking place. “You’re funny, are you single-”, you could barely finish your sentence before Dick dragged you away to spend time with you. Though, you believe that Bruce asked Dick to get you away just so you couldn’t talk to Constantine like that.

Bruce had way too many attractive friends. Well, almost all his friends were attractive: Wonder Woman, Superman, Flash…hell, even Martian Manhunter. I mean, he can read minds! Just imagine the potential…

“So, I heard you can read minds. Read mine right now”, your grin was…suspicious. Bruce couldn’t read minds like J’onn could, but he could imagine what you were thinking about. No, actually, he didn’t want to imagine it.

“J’onn.”, Bruce, ever so stern, called out and gestured towards the door. The J’onn in question had merely walked off in that direction silently, as though having understood Bruce’s point from one word. Martian Manhunter hadn’t read your mind that day, to your dismay. However, you had managed to make Bruce uncomfortable, so that was considered a win.

Dick himself had very attractive friends. Wally West, quite the flirt, was among them. Though, oddly enough, you had imagined him to be more flirty. It couldn’t be that Dick took a page out of Bruce’s book and told him to watch it, right?

“So, you’re fast, huh?”, you looked Wally up and down. “I happen to be”, Wally glanced at Dick.

“Okaayyyyy, Wally, you should leave”, Dick spoke with a strained smile.

“Yeah. Oh, by the way, what about the-”

“Now.”

Wally looked around awkwardly, “…right.”

And Raven—what a woman. Plus, Cyborg and Starfire filled your thoughts. Though Wally was the first and last friend of Dick’s you ever saw. A pity. He seemed to have learnt his lesson…

Now Roy Harper, Jason’s friend, was quite something. Tattoos? Archery? Hell yeah.

“Wow, so you like engineering books? Well, the manor has a huge variety. You should come by more often”, you smiled innocently.

“Um, actually, he will NOT be coming over ever again”, Jason frowned at your words.

“Why not?”, both you and Roy turned to Jason.

“BECAUSE I said so”, you and Roy made eye contact awkwardly.

“You”, Jason points at Roy, “Get out.”

“What? But you said you needed my he-”

“NOWWWW. Do NOT make me repeat myself.”

Yeah, Roy leaving was more awkward than anything else that had happened so far.

Jason didn’t have that many friends, as far as you knew at least. In other words: You would never see Roy ever again…

Now Tim, being charming himself, had many attractive friends.

For starters: Conner Kent.

You hadn’t had much contact with the Kents, however Conner had come over a few times. And wow. Despite being overly confident (and often obnoxious), he was very, very attractive. However, you have never talked to him. The reason? Tim makes sure he keeps you at arm’s length. In fact, you’re not sure you could ever find a way to interract with Tim’s friends…unless…

“Hey, Tim!”, Jason called out, “Bruce says you need to go to the cave right now.”

“What? But I have guests over…”, Tim eyes Jason suspiciously.

“I mean, if you wanna get in trouble with him, be my guest”, Jay raised his hands defensively.

“I-…fine. Conner, just a second, I will be right back. DO NOT move”, Tim sighs.

After Tim left, you shot Jason a thumbs-up and went to mingle with Superboy.

“Good evening. You must be Conner. I’ve heard a lot about you from Tim”, you say, taking it slow.

“Good evening! Hopefully you only heard good things!”, he grins.

“Oh, plenty of good things. Say, if you really can fly, then why don’t you take me for a ride? I haven’t ever seen the sky from…well, up in the sky”, you copied his grin.

“Ah, well, I would, really, but I’m not sure how Tim would feel, you know? I mean, he’s a bit of a-”, Conner started.

“A bit of a what.”, a new voice shocked the both of you.

Tim. Where the hell did he come from?

“I though I told you to leave if they started talking to you?”, Tim ignored you, only focusing on scolding Conner.

“Well, that would’ve been incredibly rude…”, Conner struggled to defend himself.

“You.”, Tim turns to you.

“Me?”, you said, though you weren’t scared of him anymore.

“Yes, you. What’s the big idea? Why did you pull that just to talk to Conner? I don’t know what you have planned, but forget it immediately. If you don’t leave right now, I’ll tell Bruce to reinstate the therapy sessions. Then you can explain to him why you enjoy sabotaging others so much.”

That was, quite frankly, terrifying. You hadn’t been this scared of Tim in a while.

Well, safe to say you won’t be doing this again…

[hood-ex]

Dick said he sat up with Donna all night after two guys named David and Lee broke up with her. Dick also said he sat up with Roy all night while Roy was detoxing.

Wiping a stray tear from my eye thinking about how Dick is that friend 🥹.

[thunderstomm]

I love their friendship

[enemies-to-lovers-50k-slow-burn]

tbh, might be an unpopular opinion, but i really don't like the "batfamily gives shovel talks" (except for this rare instance when its only a 13-ish year old damian, because,,,, a child?? cute) bc, what do you mean wally is genuinely sacred of jason?? he could have him all the way in europe, before jason even opened his mouth. what do you MEAN conner's scared of batman? what's he gonna do - beat up a kid? what do you MEAN roy is shaking in his boots, because of tim? this mf grew up with the titans, he grew up with dick grayson, he's not scared of a robin.

and also?? i would fucking hate it if my partner didn't feel comfortable with my family, let alone be scared of them? nuh uh, dad, you're either going to therapy about this or never seeing your grandchildren.

just, i get that people enjoy the 'protective batfamily' tag, i do too, but not like this. not at the cost of people, who live everyday fighting for others and then they can't even relax with their partners, because the apartment might have been bugged. also - they're mostly people the batfam have known for a long-ass time, it's not like they're strangers.

and finally, they are not defenseless?? wally is the flash, kon is superboy, fucking roy is arsenal - what, you're telling me they're afraid of a group of people living a nocturnal life? they're all sharing a goal, often also experiences, what do they have to be afraid of? idk, i just heavily dislike.

[fantastic-nonsense]

I'm always fascinated by which pieces of comic canon actually manage to seep their way into "canon that fic acknowledges"

large swaths of post-Crisis canon make it in but fics acknowledging post-Flashpoint canon is like...Red Hood and the Outlaws is (unfortunately) everywhere. Tim had his identity crisis and is dating Bernard. All of Damian's character development and a couple of his friends are here. Duke is increasingly present. Dick's undercover spy era is occasionally discussed. Harper is inexplicably way closer to most of the Batfam than she ever was in canon.

And then basically nothing else ever that happened after 2011 gets acknowledged. wild, really