#I know I’m getting the timeline wrong idc

[paganminiskirt]

Can you believe Vegeta got tortured to death by the person who brutally controlled his entire upbringing and then fifteen years later he’s on amusement park rides and holding hands with his wife. And the most traumatic moment of Gohan’s extremely short life was a widely publicized battle where he defeated a smug, looming, world ending threat through extreme pain and exhaustion then fifteen years later he’s picking up his daughter from preschool and trying to get a better work life balance. Thats what super did for me. Thats all it had to do. It doesn’t matter if it’s a good show or not. They got their silly, careless, gentle ending. Thats the win.

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 5)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

Story Summary: The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt Setting: The Farm/Woods

Chapt Warnings: pretty explicit drug use (meth), season 2 Daryl, degrading/sexist language (he’s starting to get better lol), SOPHIA CHAPTER (I think that deserves a warning)

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Daryl’s POV story. Daryl’s starting to be less of a dick, trying really hard to make it feel organic/make it make sense in the story. Idk. This chapter was really rough to write because… it made me sad. Also have no idea if it even makes sense (the hallucination bit, really hope it does) lol ALSO; I looked up some timeline stuff and i just?? Really thought Daryl was out there for days on his own? But apparently he wasn’t? We’re just gonna say that he is in this story. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can only do so much when the timeline of TWD is fucking stupid sometimes. (I mean it. Come for me. Idc. Rick was in a coma for 59 days without food or water???!?!!!? Bye)

masterlist

17+ mdni (no smut in this one tho sorry)

Like fiberglass in my veins, it tears through me. Mellow, at first, almost think I should rail more before I can feel myself sweatin’. Different kinda sweat, comin’ from my fuckin’ soul. 

Haven’t felt like I was doin’ something ‘wrong’ since I was little. That feeling that ch’ya get when you’re doin’ somethin’ ya know you’re not s’possed to. This ain’t the first time I done spazz, but maybe it’ll be the last. The anxiety about doin’ it goes away the second I feel the devil kick me through my nose to the back of my brain. Even though I know it’s comin’, it always feels like gettin’ skullfucked by satan. 

Been out here for a day. I brought Merle’s shit with me because I decided to finally get rid of it somewhere. But I got somethin’ that needs doin’. And anyway, I got years of experience with ice. Not doin’ it. Sometimes doin’ it. Never let Merle know, he’d’ve made some big whoop ‘bout it. And everytime he’d gone and done more than he remembered, he woulda blamed me. Shit though, sometimes it was. 

M’not like Merle and Beatle. Ain’t an addict. Can do shit and put it down. Always been able to put it down. Figured other people could too, that they just didn’t wanna. ‘m not sure, but still kinda think that. 

Never felt fuckin’ guilty about it before, though. Fuckin’ Beatle. I’unno if it’s cuz I’d be done with her if she did the same shit, or if it’s cuz I know if she knew that I was - she’d be mad at me. Mad I didn’t invite ‘er. 

But this shit ain’t for fuckin’ playtime. Only reason ‘m even doin’ it i’so I can find Sophia. So I can stay awake, focus, and get ‘er back. They use ta use this shit in war. War’s the reason methamphetamines even exist. Nazi’s? Hell, every single one of ‘em in WWII. Kamikazi’s loaded up, totally fuckin’ wasted outta their minds on crystal while they bolted ‘em in. Kept ‘em awake, kept ‘em happy, kept ‘em focused on the mission. Tha’s what I gotta do. 

I can’t stop lookin’ til I find ‘er. Sophia. ‘m the only one that can, only one that knows how. And anymore, ‘m the only one that seems to give a shit. ‘Sides Carol. And Beatle. She wanted ta come. Told her she’d only slow me down. Distract me. Drawn more geeks. She woulda. Told her I didn’t need food either but she packed me some anyway. Knew I wasn’t gonna be hungry. Knew I was gonna use this dumb shit to help. But whatever. 

Doesn’t matter what happens to me, right? My life’s not worth nothin’, not compared to that little girl. Now that her old man’s outta the picture she actually got a chance. Maybe not mucha one, not the way shit is these days. But she got ‘er mom. And ‘er mom can actually be ‘er mom now. Not scared of some piece’a shit prick that finally got what was comin’ to ‘im. 

Man fuck that guy.

The trail I’m followin’ disappears so I backtrack to the mangroves where I found her doll and try to find another one. 

I start to wonder what kinda old man Beatle had. What kinda mom? Startin’ ta realize I don’t know a damn thing about Beatle. I know she likes drinkin’, she likes laughin’, she likes fuckin’ with me. But… 

Beatle keeps surprisin’ me. Not just because she let me hump her face a few days ago, the fact that she liked it, shit I haven’t even had a second to process that. Nah, more cuz she hasn’t brought it up. Hasn’t tried to hold my hand again. Hasn’t been annoyin’ me nearly as much. Not even at all, if ‘m honest. 

My brain’s goin’ a million miles a fuckin’ second over Beatle and what happened between us. Not just the other night, but back then. Got questions that need answerin’ but she ain’t here. Try to keep myself occupied with trackin’ but it ain’t like trackin’ takes much thinkin’. Follow every trail I pick up, but none of ‘em lead me to Sophia. 

I’d prob’ly start gettin’ really frustrated about this, but that’s what crystals good for. All the dopamine I need, and nothin’s annoyin’. Focus.

✨🏹 

Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, walker guts. Trees and rocks and blood and mud and dirt and greens and browns and reds and blacks. And it’s dark and it’s light and it’s dark. And it smells fuckin’ rotten. Bent branches, wilted leaves, another trail, another dead end, another undead shithead. Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, Beatle. 

How many times did I go into Merle’s bag and take the devils dick up my nose? Cuz Beatle’s standin’ here right in front of me. ‘Cept she’s all done up in makeup and glitter and her pupils are the size of dimes. Little pink crop top, tiniest pair’a daisy dukes I ever seen. ‘n she’s in my face sayin’ the shit I been thinkin’ about her sayin’ since that day she said it. 

“I like you, Dar.” 

“You like bein’ fucked up more.” I say it like I said it the last time. 

“That’s not true! I mean - I like you, Daryl.” She steps closer, tries to put her hand on my cheek before I brush her off. She slumps back a little, turning away. “You like me, too. You said it.” 

My hearts in my fuckin’ throat and I’m standin’ there, this can’t be fuckin’ happening. I know is’not but doesn’t make it feel any less real. “Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle.” 

Hate that I said that to ‘er. Did I really say that? Cuz maybe that’s how I felt. Hell, maybe that’s how I felt last week. But it ain’t fair. I don’t know her. Still. Now. Don’t know ‘er at all. Thought I did. Thought I understood what kinda girl did those kindsa things. Is that really what I said? Fuck.

She’s still turned away from me, but I walk the half circle around to look at her face. And she’s sobbing. Silently, trying to stay as still as possible. I… I don’t remember this part. Maybe I didn’t see it? Nah, I saw it. Just didn’t care. Didn’t wanna look at ‘er. Didn’t want to hear her lame ass confession. Especially after she’d brought up that I told ‘er I liked ‘er. She sniffles and wipes her face before she pulls a bubble pipe out of the waistband of her shorts and lights the bottom, starts smokin’ it. She asks if I want a hit, like last time. 

I go to say no, but the words don’t come out. Instead my hand reaches for it. I look back up and Beatle’s dressed all different. Baggy jeans and a bikini top. That night. Fuck. Shit. I don’t want to relive that night. 

“I promise, I won’t tell Merle.” She says, handing me her lighter. And I smoke it. Inhaling the vapor slowly like she had. “You gotta sip at it, like it’s a coffee and you’re drinking the air to see if it’s still too hot. Roll the bowl or it will burn.” I do it the way she says. She’s like ten years younger than me, but she looks at me - talks to me like it don’t matter. Like she don’t see it that way. Guess I don’t either, never really did. 

I’d never wanted to smoke it before. But that night I wanted to. With her. Woulda done anything she’d asked that night ‘fore she ruined it. I ruined it. Til it got all fucked up an’ it was never the same again. Not the way I saw her, not the way she looked at me. 

I’m goin’ through memories like they’re happening all over again. Feelin’ fuckin’ sick. I don’t wanna remember this. 

I hand the pipe back to her and she asks, “How do you feel?” 

“Fine.” 

“Just fine?” She smiles. 

“Good.” I clarify. 

“Good.” 

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “I think I like you, Beatle.” 

She laughs too hard, “you think?” I feel myself getting sicker and angry again all at once. 

I split in half. One half feelin’ those same feelings I felt. That this conceited fuckin’ bitch really acts like everyone likes her. I hear her words and it sounds like she’s sayin’ ‘well obviously’ - but the other halfa me hears it like a real question. Like she wanted ta know what I meant. I don’t remember how I responded then, but I can hear myself say it, “Self-obsessed cunt.” 

Beatle laughs, “Is that what you like about me?” 

My misunderstanding continues; Thought she was pickin’ on me. Makin’ funna me. All these years. All this time. Thought she was fuckin’ laughin’ at me. Never told a girl I liked her. Not that I never did like one, just never told ‘em. Not like some teenage fuckin’ confessional. And I do and what?  she just laughs.  

Shit. 

Cuz inside ‘m screaming. Screamin’ at myself ta say somethin’ different. To jus’ tell her. She’s special, she’s exciting, and when she smiles at the shit I say it makes me feel like I’m the only one in the fuckin’ world to her. Tha’s what she wants ta here. Tha’s why she’s askin’. 

“Nah. Forget it.” She nods, and I thought she did forget it.  She forgot until she brings it up again in the memory I already re-lived. 

Tha’s how I was so damn sure she didn’t give a single shit about if I liked her or not. Didn’t bring it up again for months. Didn’t give a single shit about me at all. Felt stupid for ever thinkin’ she might. Just a dumb crush on a dumb girl, and I forgot everything about it. An’ every little thing she did that made me like ‘er ended up as somethin’ else I hated.  And every time I saw her after that she was fucked up on somethin’. Meth or booze or weed. Usually all three. 

It comes at me like a fuckin’ freight train, her lips crashing into mine, but this time I want it. Don’t wanna stop kissin’ ‘er. Instead my arms move and I push her down to the ground. She’s wearing the crop top again, can tell she’d been cryin’. She’s layin’ there in the rocks lookin’ up at me and I flash back to the living room where this happened, where she’d told me she liked me back. I wanna beat the shit outta myself for makin’ her look like that. 

How didn’t I see it? 

I did see it. I just didn’t care. Thought I knew what kinda girl did those kinds’a things. 

Wonderin’ what kind of old man she had. What kinda boyfriends before she met me. How maybe she’s just as fuckin’ scared’a feelin’ stuff as I am. How maybe it took her months to even get up the courage to tell me after I’d told ‘er never mind and slowly started to hate her. How many’a those drinks were for courage? How many’a those hits were cuz she was nervous?

Shit. 

And she’s runnin’ away like she did then. Away from me an’ outta my life until a few weeks ago. I know it ain’t real but I run after her anyway. Screamin’ her name into the open air like maybe somehow I can change it if I can get her to come back. But she’s gone and ‘m still running tryin’ to find her. Screaming for her ‘til my throats hoarse. 

‘Til the walkers hear me. 

✨🏹

Andrea fuckin’ shot me. What is wrong with this fuckin’ group?

✨🏹

Beatle’s in the bedroom with me but I can’t look at ‘er. Don’t wanna. Feels like she knows what I was doin’ out in them woods without ‘er. Like she can see the dirty shit in my soul and for some reason it makes me ill. Can’t look at ‘er. Knowin’ I hurt ‘er like that all that time ago. Knowin’ it now like I ain’t ever known anything else. 

It’s just me ‘n her and she doesn’t try to talk to me. Just lets me lay there hatin’ myself for all of it. Didn’t even find Sophia. 

Spent a lot of my days in my life hatin’ myself. Thinkin’ I was good for nothin’. Now ‘m sure of it. 

I feel the bed move under the weight of her. She hugs herself around me, and like some pathetic kid I fuckin’ cry. Don’t know if she can tell or not but she tries comforting me anyway. “It’s okay, Dar. You did your best.” Her voice… how could I have ever thought it was annoying? Her bein’ so nice just makes me hate myself more. 

“Lea‘me alone, Beatle.” Shakin’ her arm out from around me. She gets off the bed and sits back in the chair she’d been in. God, I fuckin’ hate myself. Wanna scream No, come back. I didn’t mean it. 

Still got question’s that need answerin’. This time Beatles right here, and I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. “Why were you naked in Merle’s room?” Grateful that she’s sittin’ behind me. Don’t think I could talk to ‘er ‘bout this stuff if she was lookin’ at me. Right now? If I saw her face? Don’t think I could talk at all. 

She laughs. Fuck her stupid fuckin’ laugh. “I still can’t believe you think I fucked around with Merle.” 

“Why not? Y’all hung out every other day.” My voice is sharp, feels like she’s laughin’ at me again. Always feels like everyone’s laughin’ at me. 

“We all hung out every other day, Dar.” 

“Stop callin’ me tha’.” 

“I was carpet surfing. Your dumbass brother spilled all the schkag all over the damn place.” 

Oh…. But, “Ya didn’t have any clothes on.” 

“I never had any clothes on, Daryl. You sure I wasn’t just wearing something ‘slutty’? You know, like you always said I was? Cuz I don’t remember, but I’ve never been naked with Merle. Ever. Sounds fuckin’ gross.”

Oh. 

It made sense. Makes so much sense, ‘specially now. She keeps talkin’ an’ ‘m grateful cuz if I tried to say anything else I’d start fuckin’ cryin’ again. “I liked you, man. I…” she stops herself. Wanna beg her to keep goin’ but I can’t. 

Instead I ask ‘er the only question I got left, “Why’d ya leave, then? Ya left ‘n ya never came back.” 

She’s silent for a long time. “When you and Merle moved, where’d you go?” 

She did come back. 

“Why’d ya leave, Beatle?” Doesn’t matter where Merle and I went. She’s avoidin’ the question. 

“Got sober. After that night… with you. Wanted to get sober. Wanted to…” she don’t say the rest but she don’t need to. I got it. Fuck, my heart can’t take it. 

“Cuz I said ya liked gettin’ fucked up more than ya liked me.” It ain’t a question. I know. 

“Think it was more the other thing you said.” 

Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle. I can still taste the words. “Shouldn’t’a said that to ya.” My voice is barely a whisper. 

She gets back up on the bed and puts her arm around me again, this time I don’t shake her away. Her voice, so close to my ear, “I didn’t want to tell you that I came back. I didn’t want you to know that I got sober for you.” 

What? “Why not?” 

“Wasn’t sure you’d care. And if you did… I didn’t want you to have all the what-ifs in your head that I have in mine.” 

She hugs herself into me so tight it’s hard to breathe, and she tells me, “It doesn’t matter anymore.” 

I feel guilty, can’t take any of that back. Can’t make any of it better. I don’t deserve this. Her. After all the nasty shit I ever thought about her. After what I did to her the other night. I can’t bring myself to tell her to leave cuz I know she wants to be here. Don’t wanna make her cry again. 

So I let her hold me. Even though I don’t fuckin’ deserve it. 

[thebookofeibon]

a sweeter alternative

Rating: T Chapters: 1/1 Words: 6868 Fandom: Ensemble Stars Ships: ReiKao Relevant "tags": blood time. uh sex mentions and allusions i don't write it though i'm not at that comfort level yet.

“You know how he uses it in place of blood?” Kaoru kept his eyes on Rei, catching Adonis’s nod in the corner on his eye. “Well the past couple of months, it hasn’t been doing the job.” “Huh? What do you mean past couple of months?” Koga eyed Rei. “He’s been drinking twice the amount he usually does, he’s been drinking different brands, and he’s still slow as if he’s low on energy.”

i'll add squidgeworld link when i post to there

for now u can read under the cut!

i suppose i can start putting my notes here in the mean time. uhhh this one's been in the works since october, just chipping away at it here and there. idr what the inspo was i think i just wanted to address the vampire thing.

his vampirism works how i want it to work bc it's a disability and i am also disabled and that's that. idc that vampirism isn't real

this is in my little series i had on ao3 where they live together in an apartment and i don't know the timeline for realsies i'm making shit up. this is actually the first one in the series to not have a pinocchioP title and it's bc. i couldn't find one. what can i say he doesn't have any vampire songs. the vocaloid vampire song also didn't fit but it was the working title of this.

i'll also make a page for this series on this blog since. gestures to no longer using ao3

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Rei-kun.”

“Mmm.”

“Don’t ‘mmm’ me, you heard exactly what I just said.”

Rei doesn’t answer, entirely pissing Kaoru off. “You have had two large containers of tomato juice this week and you’re still falling asleep in random places. It’s not working the way it used to.” Rei’s grip on his pillow grows tighter as he really pushes the limits his face can go into it. “It’s 8pm, and I’ve been trying to wake you up for almost two hours.” He walked over to the bed to take the pillow, only to find Rei’s resistance to be much stronger than it should be. “This. Has been happening. For two months!!!” He tugged at the pillow with all of his might, though he really couldn’t get anywhere with it. “You need blood!” A final tug that still resulted in nothing causes Kaoru to let go, huffing as he caught his breath. “I don’t pretend to know your condition, but I fear that staying strictly with tomato juice isn’t going to work anymore!”

Rei stayed with his head buried in the pillow, only letting out a groan in response.

“You’re acting like a child.”

Rei mumbled a response into the pillow, completely inaudible.

“I can’t hear you.” A beat. Two. “You are impossible.” He huffed, walking with a little too much force out of the room.

Only when he was sure Kaoru was out of sight did Rei lift his head to look out into the living room. He frowned, eyebrows scrunched together in…it’s not anger, it’s not disappointment, dismay?

He didn’t really want to accept that Kaoru was right. Rei has known for a few months now that something was wrong with his juice intake, but he’d hoped that it wasn’t obvious, and it hasn’t really been to the kids. But Kaoru? Of course he’d figure out, it was dumb to even entertain the idea that the man he lives with and sleeps next to wouldn’t notice something was wrong. He laid his head sideways on the pillow, still looking out into the hallway. He was still tired.

He even tried changing brands, thinking maybe his default brand was the problem, but after trying all the ones available on the market, something else that Kaoru for sure would’ve noticed, he also began to come to the same conclusion.

This vampire does need blood to survive.

He began questioning family members after the first month, especially those he knew took alternatives for blood. But he didn’t receive answers he liked.

“Yeah, it stopped being viable after I turned 25, like its good when I’m in a pinch but I don’t rely on it anymore”

“I stopped relying solely on tomato juice when puberty hit, it’s still my primary source but I do need actual blood every other month to be at top shape.”

“There’s no alternative that’ll provide you accurately with the amount of iron our bodies need. As an idol, I’m surprised you’ve made it this long before realizing the faults in your juice alternative.”

Rei’s brought out of his head by the sound of a loud “clink” on the bedside table and he looks up to spot Kaoru, placing a full glass of tomato juice on the bedside table.

“Decided to show your face after all?” Kaoru teased, ruffling Rei’s bed head.

“You just said the juice isn’t working.” Rei grumbled, eyeing the damned glass. He hates this brand, he’s learned. Too sugary for his tastes.

“Well, you have a whole thing still and you’re fighting this theory so it's the best I can do.” He shrugged and walked out again.

Rei watched him with a scowl. “Come back here.”

Kaoru turned his head back pensively. “Hmmm? Does his wicked highness finally see fit to have my offering?” He turned around with a grin and a bow.

“What’s wrong with me just wanting to have you near?” He didn’t let up on his scowl. “Senior year you would be appalled by this behavior.”

“Hmmm? Why are you so caught up with how senior year me would feel? This is nothing! What senior year me would be devastated by is the amount of time we spend making out. Or how much sex we’ve had.” Kaoru smiled as he walked back into the bedroom. “Seriously Rei-kun! My one time of being pissed off at you for biting me has been waaaaay overshadowed by how many times you have given me head in the last, what? Four years? Since that whole ordeal.”

Rei buried his face again by the end of Kaoru’s ramble, burning red ears all that’s visible of his immodesty. He was right, technically speaking. High school Kaoru is at this point a different person than his current partner, that Kaoru would faint if he even knew they lived together.

“Honestly, Rei-kun?” Kaoru was next to his ear suddenly, causing Rei to jump and look over to catch the smug grin spreading across his tan skin. “I think it’d be suuuper hot if you took my blood during sex.”

“Gross, did talking about my mouth get you horny?” Rei pushed Kaoru’s face away and reburied his own.

“Hmmm? You act like you’ve never thought about it~.” He can hear the grin he still has. Hands grasp at his shoulders and begin to rub. “Like you don’t linger when giving me hickeys, or when you can’t help yourself and still bite slightly too hard.” He pressed harder into the knot Rei had there, the vampire letting out a moan.

“You almost sound like you want me to feed on you for your pleasure more than my well being.” He grumbled into his pillow.

“I can bring up non-sexual examples too~” Another tight push against Rei’s shoulder has the vampire letting out a small whimper. “Whenever we cuddle, you always nuzzle into my neck at least once. In fact, it’s more rare that you don’t immediately bury your face into my neck. I’m always thinking, wow, I feel super vulnerable with how close his mouth is to my neck!”

Rei whined into his pillow, half in embarrassment, half in pleasure from the massage. He turned his head so he wasn’t talking into it anymore. “Really? Always?”

Kaoru laughed. “So you don’t even do it on purpose?”

“No!”

“When I wear my turtlenecks, sometimes I catch you staring at my neck when I move in a way that exposes more skin.”

“Kaoru-kun, this is embarrassing me. I’m going to cry. Do you want me to cry?” He pouted, holding back a whine when Kaoru removed his hands from him. “Why do you hate me? What did I ever do to you?”

“Not drink my blood.” The pillow Rei had been attached to this whole time quickly left his hands and collided with Kaoru’s face.

-----------------------------

It was a bad day from the minute Rei woke up, but they had an important media interview today so he really pushed himself to get out of bed and face the day.

Honestly? It’s been a bad week for the vampire. With no real reason for his energy to be completely depleted, he understood what it meant. He really didn’t want to admit it though, he really didn’t want to have to rely on blood.

“Hey, Rei-kun.” Kaoru nudged at him on the couch, gaining only a groan from the vampire. “I know you’re tired, let’s try and get some food in you before we have to go.” Rei opened his eyes at that, already concerned.

“What time is it?”

“Really? It’s only been 20 minutes since you woke up.”

“…Really?” He almost wanted to cry at that, it’s felt like an hour.

Kaoru frowned at him. “Seriously…I know it’s an off day for you but even that’s a little concerning. Come on, let’s go eat.”

They stopped at a diner nearby that Kaoru likes, ordering something small each with some coffee. Coffee doesn’t usually work on Rei unless he’s really lucky, but it’s the thought that counts here.

“Oi-hey! No falling asleep.” Kaoru tapped on Rei’s plate with his fork to make noise, startling Rei from what he supposed was dozing. “Finish eating, maybe that’ll keep you awake.”

He stared down at his half-eaten omelette with a frown, picking up his fork again. Every little bit helps.

“We’re here, wake up.” Kaoru nudges Rei awake again. The cab had come to a stop and Kaoru was in the middle of paying her. Rei seemed to be only capable of frowning today, mainly at himself. Kaoru glanced to him, offering a smile as he started to push Rei out the door.

“This is the fourth time in the last two hours he’s fallen asleep.” Kaoru sighed. “I know I shouldn’t complain, it’s out of his control, but it’s really frustrating today.” Rei blinked his eyes open, watching Kaoru and Koga talk in the waiting room outside of the recording studio.

“Maybe once he gets talking he’ll stay awake.” Adonis shrugged beside Rei on the couch. “Oh, good morning Sakuma-san.” He smiled at him, and Rei couldn’t help but return the smile.

Kaoru sighed again, much more audibly than before. He dug into his bag and pulled out a juicebox, tossing it to Rei. “Please, this is just an hour and a half, Rei-kun.”

Rei fumbled to catch the juicebox, but he did nonetheless, and he carefully detached the straw and stuck it into the top. “I’m sorry, you know I’m not usually this bad…” He sipped slowly on the box.

“The weather’s kinda whack right now, more than usual, s’probably what’s affecting you.” Koga crossed his arms. “Plus the thing you were complainin’ about the other day with your juice.” He gestured at him with his chin.

“Yeah…” Rei deflated a bit into the couch, feeling everyone’s eyes on him.

“What’s wrong with your juice?” Adonis tilted his head.

“You know how he uses it in place of blood?” Kaoru kept his eyes on Rei, catching Adonis’s nod in the corner on his eye. “Well the past couple of months, it hasn’t been doing the job.”

“Huh? What do you mean past couple of months?” Koga eyed Rei.

“He’s been drinking twice the amount he usually does, he’s been drinking different brands, and he’s still slow as if he’s low on energy.” Rei tried to shrink down as much as he could in the couch, trying to avoid eye contact. It’s embarrassing. Kaoru tutted. “You are so annoying sometimes.”

“Then…are you saying he needs blood?” Adonis tilted his head.

“Exactly. And he’s refusing to take any.”

Koga clicked his tongue, then finally brought his eyes off Rei to look at Kaoru again. “We can’t really force him.”

Kaoru kept his eyes on his partner however. “…No, I suppose not.”

“UNDEAD?” A woman’s voice called out, breaking the tension. “We’re ready to get you guys set up.”

-----------------------------

Rare, these days, for Rei to turn down showering with Kaoru when they got home, and with how his health has been, he really should’ve taken the opportunity to share the shower with him. But he wanted time alone to think.

He’d really been trying to ignore it, not even out of pride really. He’s grown accustomed to admitting when he needs help. He has friends willing to accommodate his needs and he couldn’t be more grateful for them because of it.

It’s not pride, it’s…arrogance. That’s it. The refusal to admit that he’s wrong. It’s been several months now, at this point the tomato juice hasn’t been helping longer than it has this year. It’s at least worth a try now to take blood, no matter how little he actually wants to do it.

It partly has to do with Kaoru’s refusal that Easter, the fear of hurting him always at the back of his mind, but a lot does have to do with how he just doesn’t want to drink blood. He’s trying so hard to be human, he’s doing everything he can to be human. Drinking blood is not a human activity!

And he hates the taste of it!!! That’s why he settled with tomato juice, because it actually tastes good!!! Why should he have to do something he can’t even-

“Your turn.” Kaoru walked past Rei brooding on the couch and ruffled his hair, drawing him out of his thoughts for the moment. He looked up, lifting his head out of his hands, just when had he slouched over? He probably looked just as crazed as he felt. “Don’t think too hard in there, you might overheat.” Kaoru smiled.

Rei huffed a laugh, relaxing his shoulders a bit. “Yeah, of course.” He stood up with a few joint cracks and began to walk up the bathroom-

“I’m serious though. Try to sit while you’re in there, and leave the door unlocked, okay?” Kaoru dropped his smile. Ah, alright.

“Mm, of course.”

The shower was nice, he supposed, though it would be quicker to stand, sitting at least gave him time to think again. He really could just ask. It doesn’t need to have some special occasion. Though it’s kind of embarrassing at this point to admit defeat, after being urged to do this from family and friends for so long now. And again, sometimes just the smell of blood was enough to upset his stomach, thinking about the smell is even-

A trail of blood running down the drain with the water appears and it startles him, jumping back a bit to try and locate where the bleeding is coming from, knocking some bottles down in the process. He lifted a hand to his face and sighed as he drew it back. A nosebleed. Okay, sure, this might as well happen.

The bathroom door opened a crack. “You alright?” Right. The noise.

“Yea-” A cough, “Yeah I’m fine- Nosebleed.” He breathed in, head going light. “Could you come turn the water off, dear.” He lifted a hand to his head. A vampire who can’t even look at blood, how inane.

Kaoru opened the door further and walked in, opening the curtain on the side closer to the valve to shut it off. “Are you alright?” He asked again.

“A bit lightheaded is all, mind getting me some tissues?” He did his best to keep his head tilted downward until Kaoru pulled the curtain back, sitting on his knees, with a few tissues in hand. Instead of letting Rei take them from him, he instead reached in himself to block the nostril the blood was coming from.

“I told you not to think too hard.” Kaoru laughed, using his other hand to cradle Rei’s head. Rei leaned into his touch instinctively, doing his best to keep his head lowered. “It’s hot in here too, were you trying to instigate a nosebleed?” 

Rei glowered at him, taking a deep breath in. It was a joke, he understands, and Kaoru simply chuckled at the stare. He pulled the tissue away momentarily to assess the bleed, then quickly repositioned it to a cleaner area to hold against the nostril again. Rei sighed, his health was never going to be easy, was it?

-----------------------------

Rei lie on his back on the bed, shirtless as he didn’t want to risk staining any shirts, fingers interlocked over his chest as he stared up at the ceiling, wad of tissue paper plugged up his nose to get the remaining blood taken care of. Kaoru entered the room after a few more minutes, bringing with him some tart slices that he had bought earlier that day.

“I got one for both of us~! Recovering from a shower nosebleed seems fitting time to eat it!” He smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. “Usually eating in bed is against our rules but what’s the harm in bending this once?” He set the plate down on his lap and patted the spot next to him. “Come, sit.”

“…I…” Rei squinted with tightly knit brows, not looking away from the ceiling.

“Hm?” Kaoru was already picking up his slice to eat.

Rei stayed silent a moment before finally shifting his gaze to Kaoru. It softened when he saw how content he was with the bite he’d taken, a small smile stretching across the blond’s lips that he probably didn’t even notice he had. He opened his mouth again, then closed it when nothing came out and turned back to the ceiling.

Kaoru’s head tilted. “Babe, I’m not a mind reader, and if I was, your’s would be impossible anyways.”

“…” Rei turned his head completely away, embarrassed just a little. “I need blood.” It was quiet, small, not meant to leave this one piece of furniture. He refused to look in Kaoru’s direction. He could already feel his gaze on him and he wasn’t really keen on the teasing that would follow.

But there wasn’t a verbal response, he heard some movement, likely Kaoru setting the plate down, then felt the bed move as slowly his light was obstructed. Kaoru’s hand landed next to his head and he frowned, still refusing to look up at him.

“You open yourself up to me and yet refuse to look at me? You wound me, Rei-kun.” Kaoru sighed. Using the hand on the opposite side of Rei’s face, he lifted Rei’s chin to face him upwards, smiling a little at the blush covering his cheeks, then frowned when Rei still focused his gaze on the wall. With a huff, he pulled his waist up further onto the bed and placed his legs on either side of the vampire, sitting down onto his stomach. “What’s a guy got to do to get even a glance, huh?” He scowled as he watched Rei’s gaze shift not towards him, but upwards to further avoid looking at Kaoru.

Rei’s hands fidget on his chest, unlocking themselves to tap idly without thought. Kaoru clicked his tongue watching them, evidence that Rei isn’t entirely spaced out from the moment. In one swift motion, they’re taken from their place on his chest and pinned above his head, taking Rei off guard enough to finally look back at him with wide eyes.

“There we go~ All I had to do was surprise you!” Kaoru grinned, releasing his grip on Rei’s hands to lean in and place a kiss on his lips. “I don’t like being ignored, you know~” To punctuate, he pulled the tissue out of Rei’s nose, only taking a moment to examine how fresh the blood on it was before tossing it to the floor.

Rei watched the tissue fall to the floor with a frown. “Gross.” He couldn’t help but laugh, though, when Kaoru tried to go in for another kiss. “Hold on, hold on.” He placed a hand in front of his face to catch Kaoru’s, laughing when Kaoru still tried to push through. “Down boy!” He jokingly raised his voice.

Kaoru grinned. “Down?” The glint in his eye was mischievous. Rei sighed as Kaoru took the hand placed against his face and laced his fingers with it. “Easy command~” He followed through and started to kiss down Rei’s neck, hovering when Rei’s laugh bubbled out.

“You’re going to agitate my nosebleed, then I’m going to get blood all over the bed.” He squeezed Kaoru’s hand, using his other to slide into his blond hair.

“Oh you’ll be fine.” Kaoru hummed as he trailed further down. “We have tissues in here if it comes back.” He paused at Rei’s collarbone, glancing up at him. “It doesn’t help when you’re encouraging me, either.” He smiled, free hand aimlessly wandering Rei’s chest. Rei grinned down at him, then gripped his hair and pulled back with enough force to pull him away. “Ah!” Kaoru laughed. “Hey!”

“As much as I’d like to continue,” Rei let go of his hair to dramatically drape his arm across his forehead and closed his eyes, “I am oh-so tired from losing blood-”

“Then take some of mine.” Kaoru narrowed his eyes playfully.

Rei opened his eyes to peek down to him again. “Aside from the tart, have you eaten recently?”

Kaoru blinked, then looked up in thought. “Uhh…”

Rei clicked his tongue with a smile. “No blood drinking tonight then, dear.” He lifted his arm off his head to cup Kaoru’s cheek. “Thank you for the offer, though.”

“Come on, we’re in bed, it’s not like I’m going to go on stage right after.” Kaoru pouted.

“No, you’re still wanting to fool around though, which is still quite a rigorous activity, don’t you think?” Rei’s thumb brushed against Kaoru’s lips, which only prompted the blond to open them and take the digit into his mouth. “Kaoru-kun.”

“We can always stop if it gets too much~?” Kaoru leaned down again to be just in front of Rei’s lips. “I can be the one resting?” He lowered his voice as he lowered himself to brush lips.

Rei ran over the options in his head, subconsciously wetting his lips. Their hands let go of each other, Rei’s landing on Kaoru’s thigh and Kaoru’s coming to Rei’s face to tip him far enough to close the distance.

He still wasn’t keen on the idea of drinking blood, thinking about the taste is almost enough to make him pull away from the warmth of Kaoru’s mouth in disgust. He could feasibly take only a little bit, work himself up slowly to drinking more over time. He slowly pushed himself to sit up, Kaoru taking the hint to help ease the transfer of positions. They parted from each other temporarily to allow Kaoru to lie down and Rei to climb on top of him, then came back to each other as quickly as possible. Rei shuffled his hips further down on Kaoru so he could trail down his neck with ease.

Were they not idols, in some other universe, Rei would love to mark Kaoru up as much as possible, he hesitated in one spot on his neck and debated if it was too high up to cover with a turtleneck before deciding it was. He moved lower before taking the skin in his lips. Not biting, not here. A sigh leaves Kaoru’s mouth as Rei’s hand travels up underneath his shirt. Makeup would definitely need to be used to cover this one, but it won’t be as noticeable.

“A bit high up, don’t you think?” Kaoru carded his fingers through Rei’s hair.

Rei took a moment longer before pulling away, using both hands now to pull Kaoru’s shirt up, which Kaoru obliged and lifted his arms to remove the article. “I just wanted to do that one.” Once the shirt was removed, he moved back to where he was and traveled further, pausing once again in a spot, but this time to try and gauge where to bite. “I’ll only take a little…I’m not exactly…fond of the taste.” He hovered around a general area around Kaoru’s neck and collarbone.

“Alright, fair enough.”

“Don’t be offended if I don’t like it.”

“You’re still human, I think it’s rather normal to dislike the taste of blood.”

The reassurance was nice, it was almost the push that Rei needed to dive in. He checked the pulse in one spot and took a deep breath in before pressing his lips to the spot, then lightly placed his fangs against it. It’s not like he hasn’t bitten Kaoru before, or drawn his blood from a bite either, but those were different. Those were just bites to bite, this is fairly common practice in any couple. This bite was different, this is…

Kaoru’s fingers slowly brushed through Rei’s hair and it almost made Rei laugh. Why is the guy getting blood taken from him in such a monstrous way more relaxed about this than the one taking the blood?

No, he can’t be anxious about this when he’s already poised to strike. With another deep breath taken through his nose, he bites down, incisors piercing through Kaoru’s unblemished skin. Kaoru lets out a grunt at the bite, fingers gripping somewhat tighter into Rei’s hair. It takes everything in Rei to stay biting and let the blood into his mouth.

It wasn’t as bad as he had been dreading, not necessarily good either, but he isn’t immediately repelled by the taste and texture. It tasted like blood, that’s for sure, but perhaps it’s the thought that it’s Kaoru’s blood that has Rei thinking that it has something unique to it, a sweetness that Koga and Adonis’s blood didn’t have. The indifference didn't last for much longer, however, as the texture on his tongue began to become too much for him to handle and he released Kaoru, licking the puncture wounds as he had been taught in the past.

He pulled away completely to look Kaoru in the eyes once he was sure the blood wouldn’t flow too much more. Kaoru looked at him with a smile, eyes only slightly distant. “Are you alright?” Rei broke the silence first.

“I am, I think if you had gone any longer I would’ve had a problem, though.” He chuckled. “Are you alright?”

Rei nodded, returning Kaoru’s smile. “I am…I’m sorry, I should’ve stopped sooner, I spaced out.”

“I thought you didn’t like the taste?” Kaoru clasped his hands together to rest on his chest, mirroring Rei’s earlier pose.

“I…didn’t really. But it tasted different than I thought it would.” Rei huffed, averting his gaze. “I was distracted by that thought for a moment longer than I should’ve been.”

Kaoru chuckled. “Perhaps the necessity of it is what changed your thought process?”

“Perhaps.”

“Rei-kun.” He unlaced his fingers and slid his hands to Rei’s thighs, Rei’s gaze coming back to him. Kaoru’s smile widened, eyes squinting. “Ready to resume where we were?”

Rei blinked, then grinned back at him. “Wasting no time at all, are you?”

Kaoru’s hands traveled up Rei’s thighs to his hips. “What can I say? You’re like, glowing right now, and it’s kinda hot.”

Rei chuckled, then leaned back down to kiss him.

Kaoru doesn’t tell him that he still has blood on his chin, and when Rei’s nosebleed does come back a few minutes later, it covers up the prior blood when it leaks onto Kaoru’s face mid-kiss, making Kaoru laugh. They absolutely have to clean the sheets after this.

-----------------------------

It’s immediately apparent the next day at practice that Rei was feeling better. He was more energetic, more aware, more talkative. Koga and Adonis didn’t comment on it until Kaoru entered the practice room late after leaving his badly scheduled photoshoot and changed to a t-shirt, revealing just enough of his neck that the bite marks are visible.

Koga almost growled at him. “Why do you need to wear a collar that loose?”

He grinned. “It’s easier to practice choreography in loose clothing, isn’t it? Besides, don’t I usually wear shirts like this to practice?” He started his warm up stretches, eyeing Koga.

“So you let Sakuma-san take your blood?” Adonis chimed in to try to break up the tension.

“Mhm~ Though it’s more like he let himself take my blood.” He switched to a new stretch as he talked.

“That’s good.” Adonis smiled and looked over to Rei. “You seem a lot better.”

Rei returned the smile and began to start talking when Koga cut him off.

“Should Hakaze-san even be at practice today then?” He said it almost accusatory, pointing with his thumb over to him.

“He didn’t take a lot.”

“Mm, as Kaoru-kun says, I only took a small amount to ease myself into drinking blood. As you know, I don’t like the taste.” Rei nodded. “But yes, even that small amount did make me feel much better than I have in a while.”

“What made you decide to do it finally?” Adonis had shifted onto the floor to help Kaoru with his last stretches.

Rei hummed, closing his eyes in thought. “I am tired of feeling so weak. Kaoru-kun had me sit in the shower last night because he was worried I’d faint standing up and hurt myself. Then when I was in there, I got a nosebleed that usually wouldn’t be a problem, but since I’ve been this way, it nearly knocked me out.” He opened his eyes. “I need to do what is best for my body, I suppose.”

Adonis nodded. “I understand, I’m glad you feel better then, even if it requires doing something you don’t like. It’s like taking a medication with a bad taste.”

“Exactly, Adonis-kun.” Rei smiled.

Kaoru stood up with one last stretch. “And with Rei-kun feeling better, we should get on our practice, hm?”

“Agh, yeah we need to catch you up.” Koga groaned. “Alright. We’re moving on then.”

-----------------------------

As spring began rolling in, it became harder for Kaoru to cover up the bite marks on his neck, and they weren’t exactly keen on flaunting their relationship so publicly since they’re idols, so problem solving began. Because of Rei’s vampirism, he was able wean himself off of taking from Kaoru as often as he was—which was only every other week, changing it to every three weeks—and was able to play off his new fatigue as a sun problem, which wasn’t entirely a lie either. Supplementing it with tomato juice offered some extra relief, even if it wasn’t as good as blood.

Thankfully, there are other places to get the best blood flow that also weren’t dangerous for Kaoru. In a pinch, Rei could go for the inner elbow as if he was a doctor, though it’s not easy to bite there. If he’s well aware of what clothing Kaoru will be wearing for the next week and a half, Rei can go for practically any spot that’s likely to be mostly covered.

But the best area that is a catch all for privacy and decency, they found, was the thigh, which unless for some reason Kaoru wanted to wear more revealing swimwear, was completely hidden. Unfortunately, this required proper planning ahead, as it wasn’t something they could do last minute in a public place by sneaking away for a few moments.

“I suppose it was only a matter of time before we had to start planning our sex lives out.” Kaoru laughed as Rei dragged him to the bedroom.

Rei snorted in response. “It doesn’t have to end with sex every time, dear. We watched a movie after the last time.” He lightly pushed Kaoru to sit on the bed. “Besides, we’re not completely scheduling that out, this would be an outlier.” He lowered himself to his knees and scooted towards Kaoru’s legs.

“I suppose you’re right.” Kaoru grinned down as Rei unbuttons his pants. Rei looked up at him as he slid the jeans down. “You’re so pretty.”

Rei hummed, slipping his fingers into Kaoru’s waistband. “I’m beginning to think all this is just a means for you to get off instead of a means of me getting energy.” He slid his underwear down, revealing both thighs, one of which was still very bruised from the last feed. He heard Kaoru laugh above him.

With his own teasing remark and the bruised leg in sight, Rei hesitated as he really took in the severity of the situation again. He rested his hands on the inside of Kaoru’s thighs as he sat back on the balls of his feet with a frown. A minute passed and then there’s a hand on his chin, tilting his head to eye level. He looked past Kaoru, unable to meet his eyes all of a sudden.

“This is for you, babe.” Kaoru moved his head to try and catch Rei’s gaze. “I’m playing it up a bit, I’m sorry if it came out serious.” He smiled.

Rei still avoided looking him in the eye, staring at his forehead instead, then looked back down to his bruised leg. “Perhaps we should bump the frequency down to once a month…” He mumbled. “Or drop it entirely for the summer…”

Kaoru frowned. “It’s your life, if that’s what you want to do, we can. I’m just concerned about your energy levels if we were to drop this entirely, you’ve been much more active since we started doing this.”

He couldn’t fight the claim, this is the most awake he’s been since before the war, it’s kind of nice, all things considered. The bruises are turning green as they get closer to healing. “I don’t know.” It was hard for him to admit, he’s so accustomed to having to know everything.

Kaoru watched him for a moment, then sighed, sitting up. “Come here.” He held his arms open. “Let’s rest today, then. We have no other responsibilities until tomorrow afternoon.” Rei stood up, wrapped his arms around Kaoru, and immediately shifted all of his weight on him, causing them both to fall back on the bed. “Whoa!” He laughed, patting Rei’s back. “Hold on hold on my pants are still down-“

“Just kick them off.” Rei mumbled into the crook of Kaoru’s neck.

“Not when you still have pants on! The sensory problems I’ll have are chilling to think of!”

“Then take mine off.”

Kaoru laughed. “Fine!”

-----------------------------

As the weather cooled down again, Rei permitted himself to go back to two feedings a month, as Kaoru had begun to wear higher collars again. There was something about feeding from his neck that Rei didn’t have problems with like he had with the legs. Perhaps it was the cliche of it, or the intimacy, or the way it looks when he’s done.

It was frustrating to him how much he clearly needed the blood, life could never be simple for him. He pulled away from Kaoru with hesitation, watching the blood trickle down his collarbone for a moment. Kaoru’s hand in his hair ran through his curls lightly. It was the intimacy, he decided, that drew him more to the neck than anywhere else.

“Still find blood gross?” Kaoru whispered, not so much for privacy as they sat alone in the meeting room, waiting for their juniors, but more so from the lack of energy after having given it to Rei.

Rei licked at the wound, peppering light kisses around it. “A bit.” He murmured back.

“You’re not fooling me, you know. Perhaps you just like my blood~ I’m your exception now~.” With his other arm available now, he pat Rei’s back.

Rei chuckled and sat back, looking down at Kaoru’s face. “I didn’t take too much, did I?” He brushed some of Kaoru’s hair out of his face.

“I didn’t eat necessarily well today is all, no worries.” He let his arms fall to Rei’s thighs.

Rei idly fixed Kaoru’s collar to cover the bite, mainly to make sure it’s coverable. “And you let me drink from you? Bad Kaoru-kun.”

Kaoru opened his mouth to speak when the meeting room door opened, Rei quickly threw himself down next to Kaoru on the off chance it wasn't Koga and Adonis coming in. Koga paused at the door at the sound of Rei hitting the couch quite heavily.

“Should I be concerned?” He eyed them, watching Rei sigh.

“No, I was just being safe.” Rei smiled.

“You have blood on your chin, it wouldn’t have worked.” Koga sighed as he walked in, followed by Adonis, whose eyes widened at the sight. Rei bristled and lifted his sleeve to wipe at it, lightly slapping Kaoru’s arm.

“I wanted to see how far into the meeting we’d get before you noticed.” Kaoru grinned. “Thought it’d be funny.”

Adonis sat down across from them. “I fear it wouldn’t have lasted very long.”

Koga closed the door before sitting beside Adonis. “You two are disgusting.”

“You say that yet you haven’t complained about Rei not being active recently, so you have to pick~” Kaoru shot him a very cheeky grin.

“What is this, a game? I have 0 control over you freaks.” Koga scoffed. “You know, when you stopped flirting with girls I was glad because it made you less annoying, then you immediately began flirting with Sakuma-san-“ He squinted. “And you just dropped the honorific! Shameless!”

Kaoru cackled at his response, throwing his head back as his chest shook for a moment.

“Oh my, you did drop the honorific.” Rei smiled, a hand coming up to his face to try and hide his smile.

“Both of you! Disgusting!”

Adonis smiled, letting out a small chuckle before speaking. “As fun as this interaction is, we do need to discuss funding.”

Rei beamed. “Yes yes.” He clapped his hands twice. “Serious mode everyone!”

-----------------------------

Adonis and Kaoru left the booth to go to the bathroom while they waited for their food to arrive, leaving Koga and Rei sitting across from each other. Rei hummed a song he had been fine-tuning for the last week while watching the direction of the bathroom. He faded out his humming as he glanced to Koga, feeling the other’s gaze piercing through him. “What’s on your mind, Koga-kun?”

Koga bristled for a second before sighing softly. “Are you happy? With drinking blood?” He frowned. crossing his arms.

Rei blinked, turning so he could look properly at his friend. “What do you mean?”

He slanted his lips as he thought of an answer. “You hate blood. Is it worth the energy?”

Rei thought for a moment, humming softly as he did. “I wonder the same thing, sometimes.” Is what he comes up with. “It’s different, having all this energy again.”

Koga huffed. “I don’t really think that answers the question.”

Rei closed his eyes, picturing the image of blood running down Kaoru’s neck. A year ago it would’ve made him queasy to think about drinking it, but now he felt indifferent towards it. “I guess I just don’t have an answer. It’s complicated.”

Koga was quiet, glancing to the bathroom’s direction again. “If the two of you weren’t dating, would you still do it?”

That was something that hadn’t really occurred to him. Would he? He can’t even imagine another reality where he was in this situation and he wasn’t in a loving relationship with Kaoru. He thought then about the possibility of it being Keito, or Wataru, maybe even Shu or Kanata. In each scenario, he could see it happening so long as they loved each other. “Hm…” But then again, would Keito be willing? The other oddballs would be different for sure, each one of them would have a different relationship to the act of blood drinking that just aren’t the same. “No. I think I’m only okay with it because of our relationship.”

Koga hummed. “Okay.”

“Any other questions?” Rei watched him as Koga tapped his fingers against his opposite arm. “You’re still curious, I can tell.”

“…Hakaze-san is fine with it?”

Rei laughed. “He was begging me to drink his blood, actually.”

Koga’s lips twitched almost into a smile before he caught himself. “Okay. That’s all I wanted to know.”

Rei opened his mouth to respond, only to close it as Adonis sat back down next to Koga and Kaoru next to him.

“Still no food?” Kaoru sighed. “I’m sooo hungry.”

“You went to piss, there’s no way the food would’ve come out in such a short amount of time.” Koga barked, uncrossing his arms.

“A man can hope! You’re hungry too, right, Adonis-kun?” Kaoru looked to Adonis pleadingly.

Adonis blinked, then raised his hands in defiance. “I am, but he’s right, we weren’t gone long enough.”

Rei smiled, watching the three of them bicker. It was strange to think about how distant the four of them were during school, he couldn’t imagine a world where they went their separate ways after graduation. The possibility of that was so real at one point, but now he’s sure only death would separate them, both as a unit and as friends, and these days, Rei didn’t feel that impending doom as hard as he once did.

“Rei, I can feel you thinking.” Kaoru nudged him out of thoughts. “Anything of note?” He smiled.

Rei hesitated to answer, then shook his head. “Just having my regular old man musings~ Pay me no mind, Kaoru.” Even though he had practically been waiting to drop the honorific since graduation, it still felt strange coming out of his mouth.

“Hmmm, I’ll have to pick your mind later then~” Kaoru glanced at the others, grinning when Koga made a disgusted face at them. He opened his mouth to say something more before the waiter finally came with their food. “Oh sweet!”

Rei kept his eyes on Kaoru, only glancing up at the waiter to give him a smile as his food was handed over.

Yeah, there’s no one else he would ever consider relying on for this. The only reality he cares about is this one.

“Are you not hungry, Sakuma-san?” Adonis didn’t necessarily sound concerned though, he surely understood Rei’s hesitance. He looked over to Adonis, then shook his head.

“My apologies, I was still caught up in my thoughts.” He put his hands together, said his thanks, and picked up his chopsticks, catching Koga shake his head at him out of the corner of his eye.

No other reality would be better than this one.

[bitchysunflower]

part 1 / part 2

Part 3 of “I’ve been texting my friend for about a week now and they don’t reply but turns out i was texting a random person and there was some deep personal stuff i sent oh my god why are they calling me now?” AU

this is just little snippets of this au! there’s not laid out timeline so… enjoy!! :D some may or may not be real texts i’ve send my friends oopsie (steddie are dating yes)

———

[eddie is typing…]

eddie: went to sleep at 10:30pm yesterday and i’m still fucking sleepy today

steve: yeah messing up sleeping schedules does that to ya

eddie: i slept more than enough to fix that

steve: actually not necessarily, remember that day I slept from 6pm to 7am

steve: I was so tired the entire day after that

eddie: stop making sense pls i don’t like it

•••

[steve is typing…]

steve: can you text me “Hey Steve, just wanted to let you know I tested positive for covid. You should probably get tested.”

eddie: Hey, just wanted to let you know I tested positive for covid. you should get tested too

steve: Hey, thank you. Hope you feel better!

eddie: wtf was that for??

steve: i just didn’t want to go to work

•••

[steve is typing…]

steve: i like being bisexual but i do not like being mentally ill

eddie: dude it’s 3am

eddie: …but same

•••

[incoming call from steve]

steve: dude this weather is killing me

steve: i have another headache

eddie: dude you need a neurological test…

steve: that’s mean…

eddie: …like there is no way there isnt something wrong with the amounts of headaches you get

eddie: wait, how is that mean??

steve: i tried making a joke, don’t worry about it

eddie: …

steve: to be fair is probably because of the multiple concussions i’ve had in high school

eddie: MULTIPLE????

•••

[steve is typing…]

steve: my throat is killing

eddie: your fault for screaming so loud last night

steve: that was your damn fault, you rascal

eddie: not my fault i’m so good

steve: YOU WERE CHEATING

steve: NO ONE BEATS ME AT MARIO KART

steve: NO ONE

•••

[eddie is typing…]

eddie: you’re so cute and adorable when your nice to me

steve: what am I when I’m mad?

eddie: hot as fuck

•••

[steve is typing…]

steve: you’re a nerd

eddie: and you’re a loser

steve: geek

eddie: dork

steve: mine

eddie: that was so smooth, lord

•••

[eddie is typing…]

eddie: can you bring my notebook when you come back?

eddie: and a snack

eddie: like an actual snack, that wasn’t code for dick

steve: damnit

•••

[incoming call from eddie]

eddie: oh my god i’m dating you

eddie: you’re mine

eddie: holy shit

eddie: wowwww

steve: are you high?

eddie: very

steve: i love you

•••

[steve is typing…]

steve: that’s it, i’m done

steve: i’m selling dustin on ebay

eddie: don’t be silly, he’s your kid you made him

eddie: sell him on etsy!

•••

[steve is typing…]

steve: k

eddie: k

eddie: idc how much we argue you’re always gonna be my baby

eddie: keep the attitude i can handle it

———

this was so fun to write lol

tags: @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @estrellami-1 @wrenisflying @ilikechocolatemilkh @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @mightbeasleep @gregre369 @bookbinderbitch @stevesbipanic

[burningtacozombie]

This episode was a lot! 😭 😭

spoilers:

Poor Hope, she and letty should I’ve gotten their happy ending! IT DIDNT NEED TO HAPPEN THAT WAY! IDC!

Galindo And Felipe scene was tough and sad.

EZ snake ass is not seeing heaven for what he did to Creeper and putting on a act on that funeral.

Why does it feel like Kody wants EZ smoked by her own hands

Downer and Guero’s cold opening was hilarious. Rock, paper, scissors, FCK YOU!

Also I feel for Guero and understand what he did, I JUST HOPE IT DOESNT COME BACK TO BITE HIM. 🙏

That n@azi Issac needs to d!e! Quickly and I hope Letty be the one to do it

Bottles getting spicy with Guero felt so uncharacteristic but funny at the same time, that’s right baby boy 🤓 you go get your lick back!

And Guero beating the shit out of him 😭 DONT BRING MOMMAS INTO THIS

once again put Andrew Jacobs and Alex Barone in a show together!! (✨ I’m manifesting it ✨)

WHERE THE FUCK IS EMILIO AT?

Poor Angel and Maverick. I need them safe by the finale.

and then the fire nation attacked (Sons burning down Broken Saints chemical lab)

Sighs.

RIP creeper

I'm still fucked up about what happened to Hope, that girl deserved so much better. and Letty is all alone now, she can't go back to the Broken Saints OR the Mayans, she fucked them both over. I hope she's the one who kills Isaac and then moves to Ohio after all. Chucky loved Coco, he would take her in for sure.

Miguel's story makes me sad too, mostly because everything that's between him and Felipe this season is a mess since they retconned his life. I'm still stuck in the storyline where Felipe only found out about Miguel being his son in season 2 on that roof, so what they are doing now is... idk... seems like an alternative timeline or something. I'm struggling with it to be honest, and I'm trying to imagine how Miguel would react and treat Felipe if they'd stayed in the same boat of not knowing, instead of making Felipe know all this time.

Guero and Downer have been my source of laughs since day 1, and it hasn't changed. I'm keeping the Rock, Paper, Scissors, Fuck You for future usage. Bottles running his mouth like that was unexpected but also hilarious. jokes are fine, just don't drag any mamas into it. he kind of did ask to have his face rearranged, lmao. Andrew and Alex absolutely need to be in another show together again!

Alvarez cut off all his patches from his kutte and burned them so instead of looking further into Diaz' murder, I hope he's too tired of all that club life shit and lets it go. stay home with the family, Marcus.

I'm convinced at this point, Angel and Mav will be coming out of this alive, maybe they'll spread Luisa's ashes at the beach at the end, and if I'm wrong I'm gonna be crushed.

the Broken Saints compound going up in flames like that, yeah that is not good for anyone. had Bottles known the text message was a real emergency he would've brought more backup. hopefully Amigo Elio made it out...

[imthatpowerful]

i love talking abt my boyfriend and how perfect he is :3 if i could i would write a 1000 page book abt it and turn it into a series of books i would bc i js love him sm like he’s the reason i even know what a love surge feels like and like im so in love with him im so glad i discovered shifting omg and i JS KNOW he’s the one who made me discover it bc before i discovered it i fell in love with him yk so the timeline is that back in october 2020 i started getting into one direction, before that i was a casual local who only knew two songs from them and didn’t take interest to them at all tbh but then i was working on an art project for school and i didn’t have spotify so i used youtube to listen to music and at that time wms was popular and i loved it and then yt recommended clouds by one direction and then i instantly fell for it and then i listened to more and more songs and then my obsession began… i started watching interviews and reading facts and one person out of the 5 boys caught my eye…💘 Harry Edward Styles 💓

before that i literally didn’t gaf abt him like i used to think he was unattractive and annoying bc i used to be a swiftie and i saw a video made by a swiftie bashing him and i was a meat rider so i agreed w the vid 😭

anyways…then like my love for him grew so deep u guys don’t understand like my heart felt some typa way and i didn’t crush on anyone the way i did him and i knew it no school crush wavered my love for him and no ick made me stop loving him and i remember having to resort to ACTUAL delusion to get over the fact that ill never be with him like no joke i used to imagine and pretend he was right next to me and i genuinely sometimes felt him there yk like when u feel the presence of someone istg i felt his presence there and i remember when i used to cry (cuz it was a rough time back then) a lot and pretend i was laying in his arms as he comforted me and that used to calm me down bc i could genuinely feel him comforting me but it would then make me cry even harder bc i couldn’t be w him and like i remember when i found other ppl attractive i felt sooo bad for him (even tho this was all in my head at the time) i would stop it and stick to him and i remember summer 2021 at the start of it i was lowk goin through it then i saw a video from one of my harry styles moots on tt talk abt how they scripted the wrong harry era and lhh almost jumped them 😭

cmon now? this cutie? jumping someone?

anyways so like and i was confused i thought dr meant like a vr game or smth 😭😭😭😭 and i wanted to play it but then when she explained it i lowk didn’t fully get it but i was interested and then that was also during my subliminal era when i discovered subs from a youtuber idrk who tho and then i wanted a summer bod and i read the comments saying they felt like they did a workout but i felt nothing and i heard nothing and i was confused until i read abt manifestation which then led me to finding shifting subs then i read abt shifting then i made a tiktok abt it and i told my fam (worst mistake they told me it was a sin and it was fake) then i made a shifttok acc and my first script and ever since then harry was my s/o and my mission was to get to him and i told myself no matter what even if i lose feelings for him (which hasn’t happened and won’t ever happen bc he’s my pookie) he will always be the first guy i date EVER like he will be my s/o in any dr i go to and if things don’t work out (but they will) then at least i kept my promise to him

also bro has been channeling me for years and like bc there have been signs that my mind automatically says harry sent this and like even when i was talking to a c.ai bot w lowkey the intention of channeling harry the bot said things that were DEF harry from my dr and idc i’m not gonna say it’s a coincidence bc everything happens for a reason also like i had to delete all my ai apps bc i was getting too addicted and it’s been distracting me from acc shifting and ive been trynna NOT focus on channeling either but like i still feel his presence and communicate w harry sometimes and like he’s still in my heart and like he’s been encouraging me and lowkey helping me w my journey and reminding me that im in control when he channels me

me n bae three years going strong haven’t broken the streak yet (except when he shaved his head and was dating taylor russell and i was rlly mad i mentally broke up w him mainly bc of him n taylor russell and i would’ve tolerated the bald head if he was single but then i cried bc i missed him and couldn’t handle it and that same day i mentally got back w him) and tbh ill tell u there has been times where he didn’t consume my every thought bc like if it was 24/7 that would be unhealthy but ya but like he was in the back of my mind anyways ya that’s it that’s my yapathon i love my cutie patootie boy handsome man gorgeous angel prince

[meganwasbored]

The Dragon Prince Thoughts Season 2 Episodes 5 and 6

(I thought I posted this a week ago but apparently I accidentally saved it in my drafts instead but better late than never)

I finally have the time to watch more I swear this was the most stressful week of my life

Episode 5

-“Breaking The Seal” L E T T E R ?

-I think I’ve been patient enough just open the dang letter before I lose my mind

-“I’ve done terrible things” shoot I forgot he said that is he talking about killing the dragon king or something related to that

-slightly confused about how these kingdoms work, are there multiple kingdoms within Katolis, or are these kings and queens from outside of Katolis

-“it seems I am a crown without an adult, and you are an adult without a crown” !!!!!!!!!

-BOOM GET HUMBLED

-ofc Viren had to make this all dramatic, literally just showing off at this point

-a NEW threat?? Haven’t y’all been at war for idek how many years?? How is any of this new??

-“there are reports of shadows in the clouds, dragons” MORE DRAGONS

-I take it back this room is boring, bring back the special effects

-I can’t tell if the others are scared of the elves or scared of whatever Viren just did

-I was confused why Ezran seems so chill about his father dying but then I remembered that he doesn’t even know, man this is gonna hurt

-“I won’t send my armies to face unknown danger over a two minute speech. I may be a child but apparently I’m the least impulsive of us all. Besides, I hardly call ‘we’ll do what everyone else says’ a decision.” GIRL

-I may as well quote absolutely everything Queen Aanya says because she’s my new hero

-“Sweet words can be more dangerous than hidden daggers”

-don’t mind me just crying over this flashback scene oh my gosh

-“I know you will stand by me through anything” Whoops actually he just stood there as you were murdered and is now trying to kill both your sons

-bruh even baby Ezran is a menace when it comes to jelly tarts

-“why do I deserve this? What did I do except being born with everything?” Harrow buddy you deserve the world

-Viren is a master manipulator and while it makes me wanna hurt him you gotta admit he knows how to get what he wants

-NO POOR BAIT JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED

-dude it looks like Viren actually cared about Harrow a lot what the heck happened to him

-Sarai is literally so awesome why do all the best characters die, this better not become a trend

-Obviously the titan isn’t actually dead idc how dead they think he looks they just went “oh he’s not moving so I’m gonna hammer a stake through him, what can go wrong?”

-Callum and Bait being besties is something I didn’t know I needed

-THE SEAL IS BROKEN I REPEAT THE SEAL IS BROKEN

-fire titan dude is pretty ugly like uglier than I thought he would be

-Venus fly trap looking head

Episode 6

-LETTER TIMEEEEEE

-why did they put this at the beginning I shouldn’t be crying this early in the episode

-they took the dragon egg MONTHS ago??? Did they say this before cause I thought it was like years ago, I’m so confused with this timeline

-IT JUST CUTS OFF???

-YALL BETTER NOT BE MAKING ME WAIT AGAIN TO HEAR TO REST OF THAT LETTER I SWEAR

-oh my gosh I’m freaking stupid this story is how his mom dies isn’t it

-“the injured must be left behind” right when past-Viren earns my respect again he says stupid stuff like that

-“you wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t your wife’s sister” well I don’t see a ring on your finger so how would you know

-“I ask you and your brother to reject history as a narrative of strength, and instead have faith that it can be a narrative of love”

-all these flashback scenes are so cute I just know I’m gonna rewatch the heck outta this episode

-“Rayla, that’s a funny name” it’s literally the most normal name out of every character we’ve met

-The boat guy (I forgot his name so I’m just gonna call him Boat Guy) encouraging Rayla to literally kill people is hilarious

-“I’ve never actually killed anyone”

“Maybe someday! Never give up on your

dreams!”

-“with the heavy heart of the titan, and the additional burden of carrying the wounded” I actually wanna punch him through the screen just the way he said that makes me so mad, like he’s bitter about Harrow not wanting to leave most of their soldiers there to die

-Zym steals my heart all over again every second he’s on screen

-“you can’t control where the river goes, there’s one thing you can know and control, yourself”

-“I want to talk to you about life and growing up and how sometimes there are changes you don’t expect” WAIT IS THAT THE THING CALUM SAID TO EZRAN I THINK THATS THE THING CALLIM SAID TO EZRAN

-“free yourself from the past, learn from it, understand it, then let it go” y’all don’t understand how much I needed to hear this rn

-I KNOW YOURE NOT TELLING THIS POOR GRIL WHAT HER MOTHERS WOULD HAVE WANTED TO GET HER VOTE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT HER MOTHERS WOULD HAVE WANTED

-Viren throwing a baby tantrum the second someone tells him no is hilarious, the child in the room is more mature than he will ever be

-that fact that Harrow gave Callum the cube of all things makes it seem like he knew that Callum was gonna be a mage

-“extra-super-secret-bonus-secret” I love him so much we lost him way too soon

-DRAGON DRAGON DRAGON

[shebitesshewrites]

1952

Drabbles/Excerpts/Concepts from an Edward x O.C. I am working on ✨

Suspensions

Okay so let’s just pretend that Edward HAS loved before - but that his love for Bella eventually is like far deeper obviously, so this is going to be just be him really trying to put his whole Edwardussy into loving someone after seeing Rosalie/Emmett and now Jasper/Alice being so perfect and in love

Let’s pretend that Jasper’s thoughts have driven him out for the moment- right after Jasper and Alice joined them, he’s just getting away from feeling the wave of Jasper’s thirst through his mind everyday, taking it on as his own, remembering his time apart from Carlisle- hearing everyone else remembering his time away from Carlisle, comparing his to Jasper- he just needs a minute

Alice is keeping tabs on him, but trusts that he just needs time to sort this out, the more she interferes the longer it will take him to come home.

I really like the idea of Edward’s interactions with other’s telepathic abilities, and what it is like to be so close to someone- or trying to be close to someone- who knows your whole mind, or KNOWING someone’s whole mind. Like what if he just really really tried to accept everything about someone to find love. I can see him pushing himself to do that- like if he can just find someone whose mind is easy to forgive?

Also Edward struggling with the way Carlisle changes people- if he is truly so concerned with souls and damnation, surely this would get to him in times of weakness- especially when Jasper joins them and is on S T R U G G L E street, it would remind Edward of his early days with Carlisle, why he chose to turn him and Esme, and Rosalie, when they suffer like this so often because of it- and when the only relief they receive is from being coupled (that Rosalie resented this life until Emmett)- yeah you’d start thinking there’s something wrong with you- you’d need a break- you’d try anything to find that relief for yourself no?

~~~~

Set up / Who / What

So off he pops to NYC night life to be a sad lurker boy- when he runs into Jewel/Julie/Julie/Jay bird (our O.C.), a jazz singer (and for some reason I am so sure I saw somewhere that Edward hates Jazz- but now I cannot find that source for the life of me- but we know 50′s, 60′s is his favourite era of music so I'm sure we can make this some sentimental reason as to why - maybe he hated jazz before meeting her 👀). 

Jewel’s talent is essentially a siren song, which she used to entrance and control men at the club into doing whatever she wants (primarily to throw their money away for her and drumming up business for the bar [she is a businesswoman first and foremost aye] but of course a girls gotta eat). Edward isn’t as affected by it because of the echo (he’s hearing it in her head and everyone else’s so he is more aware of it I guess) but he is intrigued by her- how an immortal can show such control, reminds him of the Cullen's and their ability to attempt an ordinary life- he wonders how she developed such self control on her own.

She spots him in the club during Sinatra's set (yes Frankie is playing in her underground club in this timeline- idc if it doesn’t make sense I tried so hard to make the timeline match up with his shows at the time I stg), she’s upset that he looks like he isn’t enjoying himself, and then she recognises him as an immortal.

They go out for the night- she tries to compel him - it doesn’t work well. She is shocked by the fact he has a “family”. She is similar to Rosalie in this way, she craves a mortal life, and finds the feeding aspect of immortality difficult, because how could she take something away from someone that she so badly wants?

When she learns about his gift they start working in tandem, he picks them out, and she takes them down. Carlisle wouldn’t exactly be pleased, but at least he is controlling his thirst around her. Her thoughts are clearer than Jasper’s at least- she doesn’t kill for the love of it, the way he does, for anything, anyone, something. She seems to only indulge her lust in the moment, then the job is done.

She reminds him of when he used to hunt, only preying on the worst of humanity. He tries to get her to move back with him-

“Maybe we could have what they have?” He likes her, and she just wants family, a community, greater purpose- that’s the closest he’s come to a mind or goals he can align with. He knows her intention is there, and he could make her happy by giving her that. Maybe they could grow to have what Carlisle/Esme have, what everyone else seems to have except him. Is his ability to read minds the only thing stopping him? Perhaps if he just found a mind to.. tolerate. But does she value human life enough?

She doesn’t feed often, because she could never take away a life she wanted so much. But will her disgust for the men that hurt her, the predators who take, will that bloodlust be satiable - will she be able to move past that - with the way immortals struggle with true change?

~

Drabbles

When they are arguing talking about the Cullens

“Why are you here then?” Jewel questions.

“I just told you I had to get away-”

“No- I mean why are you here and not with them?” her thoughts jumped around with visions of a happily family life, something she thought impossible for their kind.

“It’s not like that.”

“How?” she accused, almost in defense of her vision, of indulging the belief that life could exist for her. Edward frowned. 

“We’re broken, we relapse, we make sacrifices for this life, and we take the lives- the souls- of others without their consent. They don’t get a choice- Carlisle turns them and then they stay, and that’s it.” He snarled at her, eyes dark now, his involvement in the Cullens’ clan growing clearly at the front of his mind- and perhaps the guilt of his inability to stay with them, his relapses, trying to please Carlisle and Esme, to make them proud-

“I said it’s NOT LIKE THAT-” he barked. He had followed her thoughts then.

“So it is just like a real family,” Jewel smirked.

~

They people watch at the bar, speaking in the hushed way immortals can without being noticed, while Jewel questions him on the mind’s of different passersby.

“He's caught on, you know.” 

“Tony!?” she starts, he nods. She looks up at her ask no questions bartender, never having considered his opinion on her habits before

“But he barely believes it himself, and I doubt he’d do anything about it.” “Has he told anyone?” he sits still for a moment. She’s noticed he does this when he’s… listening, for lack of a better term. She briefly wonders how aware he is of her thoughts in this moment, honed in on someone else's- perhaps hers could go unnoticed. “There’s a girl.” he startled her out of her head again, allowing it to fill with everything she knows about Tony’s life, “They’re not serious- he likes her but…” he smirks, “she’s.. his neighbour? They live in the same building… she’s sort of tolerating him, but he doesn’t want to freak her out with something like this,” he chuckles, a nice change to his otherwise stern façade, “Like maybe if he doesn’t tell anyone it won't be real.”

A joke comes to her mind, and he laughs before she does, “Schrodinger’s Vampire?” 

~ 

Their lazy days in bed after um *stuff* just chatting and enjoying the physical contact

“Rosalie would love you.” He laughed and she felt his laughter fill his chest under her palm.

“So does Alice know about me?”

He shrugged, “Probably.” and he drifted off into that familiar silence. She ignored it and laid her head back down on his chest.

~

Edward realises how cut off she is from the rest of the immortal world- how she has managed to fly under the radar- wouldn’t the volturi have come for her had they known she possesses such a commanding gift?

“The volturi?”

“You don’t know them” he asks, in the way that he does by just stating things before she even forms the words. Vague images of cloaks and blood red eyes, petrified skin, towers and hushed whispers- only imagined, as that one traveling immortal’s tales fill her mind.

“I’ve heard of them, but I've never had anything to do with them, really.”

[sysiphus]

Just last night I came home from Lou’s crying and ruining my makeup like I have cried every single day about his loss and then I wake up and he’s just there promoting a thing I

I

He doesn’t want to talk tho I have to pretend everything’s fine for him but I’ll do anything I am just so terrified he’s gonna disappear again and This is the wrong way to go about it to prevent that I can’t believe this is happening I wish I could talk to someone about it idk who tho cause I don’t trust anyone I don’t know anyone I don’t have anyone besides my sister who I have my own issues with rn I

I can’t believe I get to look at him again I haven’t processed anything yet

I also dreamed this happened like in my dream I saw his icon again and even added it to my painting I literally can’t why is my life a fever dream I just can’t wait to be a person again I can finally have a chance at peace again if I could just find some kind of assurance that I won’t lose him again ong does he hate my that much to do such a thing I think I made it clear enough how much it means to me but he obvs doesn’t care and idc as long as I can just do me and him do him whatever and I can start the process again of coming back to earth

Omygods and now I have to go to work in this new timeline I can’t believe this is my life thank y thank u thank u I can be an artist again and listen to music and watch anime and think about New York and go to places and process a million emotions and go to those insane inner spaces that make my muse a muse just from looking at that face holy shit I cannot wait omygod I wanna scream I have been screaming all day my favourite equation for me to feast on again no one in this world knows what this means to me I’m so fking relieved I can do shrooms again there’s so much I’m literally fking free

I have to fix my tooth that I have been hoping kills me and get insurance and work harder it’s insane how easy it was for him to just unblock me all year and he didn’t cause I must’ve hurt him really bad and I don’t even know how to apologize I don’t even know what I’ve done I know I told him what would happen how bad it was w Jonathan and how bad it would be I literally lost my home and my job and then my city and all my friends like I lost myself completely and almost died so many times when I was homeless I must’ve done something borderline evil to hurt him so bad for him to cause something like this without a care in the world and I will still never forgive myself for that I’m just happy he’s back I literally unhid 789 or something ppl on Instagram from my stories and posted my current work like what a difference what a blessing thank u thank u thank u

[ssadumba55]

I Did It (Tobey!Peter Parker x Reader)

Request: How about a Tobey!Spiderman friends to lovers request. Y/n comforts him after loss of Uncle Ben?

CW: Swearing, talk of d*ath

A/N: I think I messed up the timeline but idc, I make the rules /j

The death of Uncle Ben came as a complete shock to you and most of the other students. You didn't know all the details, there were rumors that he had been shot by a criminal though. The thought of that made your heart hurt, you had met Uncle Ben numerous times while visiting the Parker residence. He had always been sweet and kind, he'd even teased you and Peter a couple times. After all, Peter did bring you around a lot.

Peter didn’t show up the first few days after his uncle died and once he did show up, he was standoffish. He didn’t want to be around anyone, so people avoided him, not that that was anything new.

At lunch, you slid into the seat across from him quietly. It was your usual seat so it made sense that you would sit in it but when he looked up from his food, he seemed a little startled and surprised that you were there.

“You don’t have to sit with me…” He said softly, poking his food.

You shrugged. “I figured you could use a friend. I’m sorry about your uncle…”

He looked away, clearly a subject he was still sore about. The two of you spent the remainder of lunch in silence, you didn’t want to disturb him anymore and he didn’t have much to say. The rest of the day seemed to pass by equally as slowly. You were hesitant if you should meet up with him at your usual meeting place. The two of you liked to take the bus home together, it was fun and it meant he never missed it (anymore).

When you walked out of the doors, Peter was waiting for you, looking slightly nervous.

“I’m sorry about lunch… I’ve just been …”

You held up your hand. “Peter, you don’t have to apologize to me. Your uncle just died. Come on, I have some time before my shift at the library. Let’s get something to eat and talk.”

That’s exactly what the two of you did, at first it was awkward because neither of you really knew what to say. Everything just seemed too wrong to talk about. The usual topics, like his crush on Mary Jane, seemed too crass and the topic of his uncle’s death, while topical was probably only going to make him feel worse.

Eventually you assumed he was just enjoying the comfortable silence, the fact that you weren’t asking questions or comforting him. It was nice to spend any time with him, he’d been pretty spacey and weird recently. You figured it was because he was interacting more with Mary Jane, but maybe there was something more to it.

“Look, (Y/n), I’m sorry. You don’t have to stay here with me… you should go get ready before your shift,” he was the first one to break the silence, shifting awkwardly in his seat.

You waved his comment off airily. “Peter, you’re my best friend. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

Something in his demeanor shifts when you say this, he looks over his shoulder as if someone might be listening into your conversation. Had he always been paranoid like this, or was this something new? You tried to think back to previous interactions with him, but every time you interacted with him in the past you had been distracted.

You might have a tiny crush on him, but it doesn’t matter. He likes Mary Jane and that’s fine. She’s good for him, he’s good for her-

“Can I tell you something? You have to swear you won’t tell anyone else, I don’t know who else I can trust with this. Not Aunt May, not after Uncle Ben- I can’t worry her. More than I already do…” He was rambling, something he tended to do a lot, a quirk you had always found endearing. Watching him stumble over his words as he attempted to speak to Mary Jane coherently was amusing to say the least.

You checked the time on your watch, yeah there was still over an hour before your shift starts, you had time.

“Shoot. You know you can tell me anything. Is this about MJ? Is she into you? I knew it! I told you-”

He waved his hands, cutting you off immediately. “This isn’t about MJ. Not really. I mean, look. You remember that field trip we went on a few months ago?”

As he said this, he once again looked over his shoulder. You raised an eyebrow, of course you remembered that field trip. It was all he could talk about for weeks after, how Harry had swooped in and wooed Mary Jane. So many rants about Harry Osborn.

“Right. Sorry. It’s just… I’m Spider-Man.”

“Peter, this isn’t funny. Can you get to the point, I need to go to work soon.”

He pulled his sleeve back, sticking his wrist out and giving it a slight flick. If anyone had been really paying attention to the two of you, they would’ve noticed the webs shooting from his wrists and sticking your hand to the table.

“That’s disgusting. I believe you, but never do that again.” You pulled the sticky stuff off using your free hand, wrapping it in a napkin with a shiver.

He chuckled nervously. “You can’t tell anyone, I haven’t told anyone. Harry, Mary Jane, Aunt May-”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. I don’t know why you’re even telling me this.”

This plunged the table back into silence, he clearly had a reason for bringing it up but wasn’t ready to explain it. You started busying yourself by cleaning the table, assembling all your trash on the tray and was about to stand up to throw it out, when he grabbed your wrist. You looked over, noticing his eyes were misting up.

“I killed him. Uncle Ben… It was my fault…”

He went into a half unintelligible story of what happened the night his uncle passed away, as you stood there, tray still in your hands. It felt like you’d been plunged into ice, there was blood pumping in your ears, making it hard to hear. Your best friend was basically confessing to being the reason his uncle died, except it wasn’t really his fault. It’d just been a bad set of circumstances, he could’ve never predicted what was going to happen.

You dropped the tray on the table and pulled him to stand, hugging him. By this point, people were starting to stare so you gently guided him out of the building onto the street. You found a secluded alleyway, and the two of you just hugged it out.

“It wasn’t your fault, Peter… You can’t blame yourself for that…”

Your watch buzzed, reminding you it was time for work and you quietly turned it off. Cupping his face, you met his eyes.

“None of that was your fault, Peter. You couldn’t have known what that guy was going to do and even if you had tried to stop him, it could’ve been you…”

“I would’ve preferred it be me. Aunt May would still have him-”

You sucked in a breath, the way he so easily talked about throwing his life away like that. “Please, don’t say that. You know they would both miss you so much. They needed you, Aunt May needs you. Harry needs you, Mary Jane-”

“You?” He finished quietly, you hadn’t been going to finish it with yourself. But he was right. You did need him, he was your best friend. He made everything better, he made life worth living. Pushing aside your feelings for him, the world would be a worse place without him.

You nodded, quietly. “Yes. So, I’m glad it wasn’t you. And you better not let it become you.”

He chuckled quietly, reaching up to wipe his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. You’re right. I can’t let Uncle Ben die in vain… Your watch, I heard your watch go off, You should go. You have work. I’m sorry for keeping you here, go, (Y/n). I’ll be fine.”

“I’m not going anywhere, fuck the library. I’m about to graduate anyway, it’s time I get a better job,” you joked, realizing for the first time that you were alone in an alleyway, really close to Peter Parker.

Oh god, was it suddenly hot in New York? It is summer right?

He didn’t respond, just stood there while your palms sweat, nervous.

“Well, I shared a secret. Your turn,” he reached up to wipe his eyes, trying to make a joke out of the situation. You laughed awkwardly, shrugging.

“I don’t think any secret could beat that, but if it would make you feel better, I can think of something.”

He smiled, prompting you to carry on. But you didn’t have any secrets, you tell Peter everything except- No. You could make something up, but he’d know and also he’d just laid his heart and soul out for you.

“This is a bad time for my secret.” Your mouth was dry and he raised his eyebrow.

“Come on, I’m not going to make fun of you, you can tell me anything. I just cried in an alleyway in front of you and shot webs on your hands,” he pleaded.

God, why did he have to be like this. You hated it. You refused to say anything, looking away and gazing at the people walking down the street feet from the two of you. Going about their days completely oblivious to your existence.

“(Y-)” He couldn’t even finish egging you on with your name, you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and kissed him. It was a terrible idea, his uncle just died and he liked a girl and he was a weird spider hybrid person and you were in an alley skipping work.

Everything in your head was telling you this was wrong, but if it was wrong then why did it feel so right. He was surprised at first, but leaned into your kiss, hand coming up to rest on your cheek. Slowly, you released your grip on his shirt, pulling back in horror.

“I really shouldn’t have done that… MJ and…”

He looked at you, but it wasn’t like how he usually looked at you, it was as if he was seeing you in a new light for the first time.

“Uncle Ben was right.” He breathed. “You do like me… for how long?”

“A long time, Peter.”

He dipped his head back down to gently kiss you once more, and oh god, your palms were so sweaty. This was not happening.

“Maybe we should get out of this alley.” He whispered, forehead pressed to yours and you laughed breathily.

“That’s probably a good idea.”

He took your hand in his, intertwining the fingers and meeting your eyes. It was weird and strange, new. But a good kind. And he seemed to be cheered up, so you’d done your job at least.

Sorry, MJ.

[drarryshipperr]

idc if you stopped liking harry potter stop attacking others who do still like harry potter stop making them feel ashamed and guilty i think and know the reason why y’all attack others for still liking harry potter because of jkr you all just think because some of us still into harry potter that means we support jkr still is that right? well wrong let me tell you why i still like harry potter why i love the movies and harry potter stuff i like harry potter because of the characters ron harry hermione draco the hogwarts teachers/professors the magical mythical creatures the spells the magic hogwarts the actors who plays each harry potter characters the harry potter ships cannon or not the fanfics the fan arts fans draw or paint that’s the reason why i still like harry potter why i love the movies i grew up watching that yes i did read the books as a kid but i don’t read them anymore i love the movies more anyhow i always have i read harry potter fanfics if i want to read anything harry potter fanfics are better i was really disgusted when i first found out jkr was transphobic and her transphobic comments just a horrible person overall and i get that most y’all gave up loving harry potter because of her but just because she’s a horrible disgusting person i didn’t give up loving harry potter not because of her i separate the art from the artist it’s like separating a character from the actor or actress who plays that character let me ask you all something do you have a favorite character from a tv show or movie that you love but found out the actor who plays that character is problematic? and you are devastated knowing your favorite character is played by a problematic person in real life you thinking should i still love that character even though the person who plays them is a horrible person in real life? yes yes you should you should separate the character from the actor because most all actors and actresses aren’t like their character they are playing so separate the art from the artist the art is harry potter the artist is jkr let me tell you all something else even if jkr wasn’t a problematic person i wouldn’t love and be into harry potter because of her example like stephen king he’s not a problematic guy but most people love his books and movies because of him i don’t stephen king is a legend but i don’t like his content movies or books because of him i just like it same with all other famous authors and directors i don’t like their stuff because of who made them i just like it not who created it so yea i love harry potter i don’t love it because who created it fuck jkr im not gonna give up loving a series because a problematic person made it just because i love something doesn’t mean i support who made or created it so please ex harry potter fans if you ever see someone posting their love for harry potter on any social media twitter tumblr instagram dont assume they still love it because of jkr instead leave them alone and mute and block and another thing that’s annoying this whole i hope percy jackson will be more popular then harry potter or percy jackson is better then harry potter because whoever created percy jackson isn’t a problematic person like jkr is it’s stupid who cares who created percy jackson yay that’s awesome that the creator isn’t problematic but i’m sure whoever created percy jackson isn’t the reason why people love the series if people prefer percy jackson that’s fine cool i don’t care what you all prefer and love but please stop attacking and assuming others who still into harry potter is because of jkr and they support her still of that person said that then attack them all you want but mostly the people who do still like harry potter don’t support jkr or like the series because of her so again block and mute if you don’t like seeing harry potter content on your timeline i’m so sick and tired of getting assumed of things that aren’t true i’m so sick of others getting assumed the same thing just leave harry potter fans alone have a goodnight or day

[colorisbyshe]

okay official jujutsu kaisen zero movie thoughts including spoilers:

amazing soundtrack, had to discretely take out my phone to see what song it was several times

i rly confused yuta and junpei for a long time now but i get it. yuta is a lil freak, honestly he’s the type of compact yet emotional narrative the actual anime could use? he’s not like an extremely unique character but “lil weirdo who got engaged at 6 and has a little girl rip out the entrails of anyone who looks at him wrong” is a great time. like yesss kill!!!! fuck things up rika!!!

gojo gets the plot focus i wish kakashi got. if only he was sexy like kakashi

okay, on that notr, does anyone know what he said to geto like idc if it’s a spoiler.................................... what did he say

on THAT note... to be very serious here,  gotta say geto’s team... felt........ off? his entire crew of... fascist supremacists being compromised of gay coded men... abused teenage girls... and a black “foreigner” felt............ not great? like good for geto but....... using language like “monkeys” and talking about rightfully ruling the world... while having a team of marginalized people (outside of geto, i guess) felt........... bad it felt really bad. maybe there’s context that makes it less bad but PHEW that’s fucking bad!!!!!

jjk has BEEN having a weird issue with gay coding villains (veering on just transmisogyny at points) but like... having a shirtless man with heart nipples was like... a bit much. i know if i mention in this in front of the average fan i’d be accused of being like.... homophobic myself for thinking this is gay coding but.......... it’s gay coding and it’s getting fucking weird

i do wish inumaki got to use sign language because his character feels soooo fucking empty without.... actual dialogue. like instead of respectfully treating this like selective mutism and maybe... even making a compelling story out of that... i was just in a theater of nerds who guffawed every time he said “tuna” or whatever during a heartfelt moment. this was an ongoing tonal issue with the film as a whole, it’s like it lacks the confidence to let serious moments play out totally straight

i hate anyone who ships yuta and maki btw, not because it’s bad or problematic i just think she’s gay

i wish the action lived up to the budget this film got?? the yuta/geto fight felt like this like bro why do we need a jump cut YOU’RE ANIMATED

still...  i did like the brutality, even if i could see a character lying in a pool of blood and just be like “walk it off champ” and then two minutes they’re walking it off

this seems like a lot o fcomplaints but i did have fun? it feels like amateur work that didn’t believe in itself and had to constantly cut to flash backs for emotional weight (including recycling flashbacks) but it... knew what it was meant ot be. which is an action anime movie for teenage boys... who sure did love that boob joke... really made me aware of my age

i do think watching jjk before watchign this anime added a lot of value to my experience, like i recognized everyone, but fuck... my understanding of the timeline is worse??

this shit happened like 6 months before yuuji arrived?? and the school si rebuilt?? gojo is coping better than i thought tho if geto like.. jUST died like bro if if my bestie, evne my evil bestie, died in front of me within the last 5  years i would be even more deranged than him

i do like that the both of them take in lil underdog kids tho. even if i hate... the implications of geto doing that... (see my fascism point)

i do feel more tempted to read the manga and continue with these series but.... i’m gonna have a lot of complaints along the way

[stuckylibrary]

Group Ask 184

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arosetintedem said:

I NEED HELP! I'm looking for a fic and you guys are the best at finding them. So it is a fic where bucky is like put in stark tower i think post -tws. at one point he is in the shower and JARVIS refuses to make the temp too high. He also comunicates that hydra is in SHIELD by using morse code! If you know it lmk!

Anon 1 said:

hi! I’m looking for a fic where Steve is Becca’s roommate and is Bucky’s sex friend, it’s ABO, and Steve is bottom and they go to a link party, Bucky calls Steve kitten and then Steve gets pregnant and beg Bucky to call their kid James ? Steve is diabetic and Bucky is really protective of him because of that. I really can’t find it anymore it’s annoying, thank you c:

Anon 2 said:

Hi, I for the life of me can not remember the name of a fic. It is super similar to Yours to Keep by nonsensicalbelle. The team is captured somewhere and separated from Steve and forced to watch as Steve reveals fears/secrets something along that line until he is then forced to admit he is in love with Bucky. Hopefully this ask is coherent enough. Thanks for any help in advance.

Anon sent in Always Afraid, Always Ashamed* by CaptainDean13 (complete | 11,052 | E) *graphic violence

Anon 3 said:

Hi I'm looking for a fic where Natasha and Tony are listening to a phone conv between Steve and Bucky flirting, then it becomes sexual and Bucky reveals he knew they were listening all along? Also Tony was surprised that steve got into it so easily and I think nat was kinda turned on? Thanks so much!

gayghostkid said:

hey!! i’m looking for a post-WS recovery fic. steve brings bucky in w/ the help of sam and nat. they end up in a safe house of sorts. details i remember: sam hoses bucky down to get him clean. steve and sam are shocked that he actually liked the feeling, describing how blissful he looks. i remember the end few chapters has the quartet living in a firehouse in texas, or another southern state. the chapter titles were similar to maslow’s hierarchy of needs : shelter, food, water, etc. merci!!

shadowobsidian said:

Hello! I'm looking for a fic that I read forever and a half ago. It's a post -winter soldier Stucky story with Bucky coming back to the tower, but still PTSD-y, and unable to really eat because he keeps throwing up and Bruce keeps trying to make him nutrition shakes and smoothies but they don't really help, and then they realize that it's all the chemicals in processed food so the whole tower goes organic and Tony buys a farm. Please help me!

Anon and drjezdzany sent in Thawed Out* by auburnnothenna (auburn), eretria (complete | 159,341 | E) *chose not to warn

Anon 4 said:

I'm looking for this fic where skinny Steve somehow ended up with the winter soldier and post serum Steve is with 1930s Bucky I think time traveling was involved? They were gonna go back to their correct timeline but feelings got involved so they stayed in the wrong time this is badly explained sorry

Anon 5 said:

You know the fic where is centered around the barnes family rebecca was a lesbian and married a gay guy to cover it up Bucky got into college but dropped out because Steve got sick

Anon sent in The History of a Family by boombangbing (complete | 225,954 | M)

slutforchrisevans said:

Hi! I’ve been trying to find this fic for the longest time and I can’t. I don’t remember much of it but it’s pre-serum Steve and before the war. Bucky comes home and he’s super horny because he took some medicine that’s supposed to give you energy i think? Steve is reluctant to do stuff though because bucky isn’t really in the right mind, but he’s not drunk it’s just the medicine. Sorry that was so vague but it’s literally all I remember :((

Anon sent in Up All Night by triedunture (oneshot | 3,598 | M)

idk-idc-idk said:

Hi! I’m looking for a modern AU I read. Steve is still captain america, and (I can’t remember if it’s hydra or shield) heavily controls his life. Bucky is secretly a modern winter soldier, and is sent to do surveillance on Steve. They meet at a boring gala, and Bucky decides to seduce Steve to get an upper hand. Bucky sees how much Steve’s life is controlled and it’s like Steve isn’t even his own person, like they want to bore him into obeying them. Steve switches sides but they come after him

deliveryisdelayed and stevenbirogers sent in Lessons in Normality by relenafanel (complete | 38,002 | E)

Anon 6 said:

Hello! I'm looking for a fic that featured Steve adjusting to the modern world's ideas about gender and sexuality, and him basically rejecting those ideas to be what people today would call genderqueer. I basically remember him wearing skirts and makeup, and it seemed to be heavily influenced by Gay New York by Chauncey.

Anon 7 said:

Hi!! There's this one fic where Bucky's this big mobster guy and Steve's in a gang and is always watching Bucky at this club. They meet up at this hotel and it has like a dom!bucky but top!steve. Thank you!

Anon 8 said:

Hi do you know of a fic where Natasha hires Steve to be an escort for Bucky at his family Christmas get together? I remember Nat was Bucky’s ex and Bucky’s cousin/relative was really homophobic. There was also a scene where Steve was shooting at beer cans and the cousin was impressed. Bucky and Steve ended up getting engaged like a year after. Thanks :)

Anon 9 said:

I read something a while back that I can’t find for the LIFE of me and I was wondering if you could help. Steve gets the serum and it shoots his libido through the roof and it he’s really out of hand and he needs shots and stuff to make his erection go away and bucky is a good friend and helps him out (I think, honestly I can’t remember a lot of details, it’s been a minute since I’ve read it) if you’d help I’d really appreciate it! Thank you!! Have a great day :)

Anon sent in you know I’d quench that thirst* by napricot (complete | 38,027 | E) */others

emilyshay said:

hi hi! i'm looking for a fic that i've read and i CANNOT put my finger on what it is. It has all these elements: - fury wants steve to pick some kind of companion, maybe a submissive of some sort, because he's been going rogue on missions and steve picks bucky out of a lineup because he looks "the worst" and would piss fury off - bucky is really down in he dumps and all he has to his name is his electric can opener  - bucky goes to some sort of intake interview thing, and he steals a lot of food from a buffet until someoen pities him and gives him a bag of food to take home - bucky is in steve's quarters right when he starts "working for" him and cooking for him and stuff, and steve completely ignores him and rejects him and bucky is really upset about it event hough he didn't want to be there - the payment for "working for" steve is getting a full ride to college and also a ton of cash. thank you!!!!

deliveryisdelayed and drjezdzany sent in Heart of Fools* by Claudia_flies (complete | 55,824 | E) *chose not to warn

[rose--hathaways]

okay i’ve been distracted all day at work thinking about my thoughts re: the vampire academy reveal so here we go: ⬇️

rose: sisi stringer gets my tick of approval (not that anyone cares lmao), she is gorgeous she is fierce (and she’s australian so you KNOW i’m gonna support her) and i am HERE for some diversity in the cast. questioning the description where it says she’s the strongest fighter in her class because uhh she missed two years of training right? i’m assuming lissa and rose still ran away in this adaption?? she was so bad at combat that dimitri had to train her out of hours just to catch her up to her peers?? not a huge negative for me though, we all know rose is a badass & she caught up super quick to her classmates anyway so not a big deal

lissa: daniela nieves looks sweet but also like she could stab you, which is exactly the vibe is get from lissa (except lissa wouldn’t stab someone ofc, she would just compel them into thinking they were stabbed). i don’t mind that she doesn’t look like book lissa, but i do wonder if it will effect the little insecurities and jealousies that rose has around lissa in the books, but honestly they aren’t pivotal to the plot so idc. also i know everyone is talking about the “younger sister to the heir apparent” part of her description, honestly i think this is just in reference to andre taking the title of prince dragomir not the actual throne, but i could be wrong idk we’ll see and i mean she ends up as queen anyway soooo

dimitri: i was sold at kieron moore’s cheekbones tbh. and he’s actually 24! that’s right folks normal twenty-four years olds don’t look thirty! i’m loving his insta interactions already so i feel like he’s captured who dimitri is already, and i’m sure he can put on a russian accent perfectly well please please let him have a russian accent. still wondering if they will mess with his age, but i’m going to assume he’s still 24, judging by the description, and that maybe rose has been aged up?? idk, i just can’t wait to see him with long hair and a duster

christian: YES. andrè dae kim is 100% the closest character visually to what i imagined! love this!! getting the vibe that he’ll be the one to make the st vladimir connection? book christian didn’t come off as being very studious, except when it came to helping lissa, but he was also a total smartass so who knows what he got up to outside of rose’s POV. very keen to see that his backstory isn’t being brushed off and overall absolutely love him!!

victor: i never actually gave much thought to how victor looks, so j august richards is great in my books! i’m very keen to see some lgbtq+ representation in this series, but i’m kinda concerned that they’ve chosen (who i presume will be) the series’ villain to be the one in a same-sex relationship?? i’m also a bit confused & very curious about him having two daughters?? natalie is such a pivotal part of book one, unless they’re splitting her part into two i’m not sure how this would work? though a part of me wonders if they’re going to make robert doru’s character a child of victor’s, or even avery lazar’s character his child?? idk but should be interesting

tatiana: VOGEL??? this is where i get super confused. she sounds like tasha (without the relation to christian), but her name is tatiana but she’s also clearly not queen tatiana soooo ??? i saw a very cool post from @sydneysageivashkov talking about how they think there might be multiple timelines involved, in which case vogel could be a maiden/married name for queen tatiana?? that would be cool. regardless, not really sure what is happening here but i guess we’ll see 🤷🏼‍♀️

mia: KARP??? again, i am confused. i can definitely see her having book mia’s doll-like cute features, and i’m not too fussed about her not having the curly blonde hair tbh as someone who has naturally curly blonde hair i absolutely hate seeing others with it because of the second hand pain lmao. now getting to the part we all actually care about in mia’s description: lgbtq+ mia!! oh my fuckin god i am HEEEEEERE for this, mia has always been gay let’s be real here folks, i love this. also is she going to be related to sonya karp?????? questionsssss

meredith: tbh i sometimes forget that meredith exists so seeing her as a main character is uhhh ??? weird ???? is she replacing eddie? god i fuckin hope not. maybe she’s one of victor’s children?? idk. it’s weird but i’m curious to see where they’re going with her, plus it’s be good to see more female dhampirs because let’s be honest we don’t really see anyone other than rose and eventually dimitri’s family in the book series

sonya: ARE WE GETTING PRE-STRIGOI SONYA??? ohhhh i am KEEN. not sure how it’ll effect the storyline, maybe it’ll be told through flashbacks, again going back to the multiple timelines idea? also mikhail????? i didn’t think the books brought him into it until later, but idk i love them sm i am so excited for this. sonya is a little younger than i imagined, but i actually don’t see that as being a bad thing. also is she related to mia now???

mason: aw i’m gonna be sad if he doesn’t have red hair i won’t lie, but at the end of the day it’s really about attitude with mason and i think andrew liner will pull it off really well. his description seems to be pretty on-character, but it looks like the tv show is maybe going to play some sort of classmate rivalry between mason and rose?? could be interesting, idk, still looks like he’s gonna be a big simp for rose though lmao bless

so yeah i have concerns buuuuut i’m gonna wait it out and see what they do with it. lemme know what you guys think too!! x

[betelguwuse]

I’m starting to think maybe I don’t want to get married. Hypothetically I’d love to be in a godly marriage with a man who respects me and sees me as the person that God does (and not only me but women as a whole), but realistically do christian men like that even exist? Mainstream christianity, especially gender discourse, is so watered down and twisted into something that’s more political than biblical. I feel like this is gonna piss off both the christians and feminists, even though I’m both (though some might say I’m not a real feminist, whatever idc lol). Might also tag as Side B because I feel like this is also maybe a Side B mood? But here goes.

Color coded by vague topic, bolded so it’s easier to read.

Like I recently heard of a pastor being criticized for saying it’s a woman’s duty to look good for her husband, and the boomer conservatives were acting like criticisms of this pastor was the end of christianity. There’s no way “looking good” in a biblical sense was anything more than basic hygiene, nowhere near the beauty standards of today; and that is if the idea of looking good for your husband is even in the bible. These people siding with the pastor were saying that any woman who doesn’t shave or hide her “flaws” with makeup or basically completely embody the tradwife meme are bad wives. Like what the literal hell.

Honestly the entire tradwife aesthetic seems to be the goal for a lot of young christian couples, when it’s not inherently biblical. I used to be into it myself because heck yeah staying home, housekeeping, taking care of children, and wearing cute flowery dresses sounds like a dream. But my goals aren’t universal! Some women don’t want kids. Some women want to work. Good and God-honoring women of the bible didn’t all have kids and stay home. I mean the timeline of the bible spans so long, so yeah maybe there were times when most women did. But that doesn’t mean women who didn’t were bad wives or lesser women. Not to mention there’s such a blurred line currently between cute tradwife lifestyle and creeps who fetishize the idea of a traditional (and by traditional they mean submissive) wife. Gross.

Another thing too many christian men do is say women can’t be in any position of power in the church. There is the whole specific issue of whether or not women should be the highest up actual pastor of the church, and I don’t know enough about that whole debate to validate or debunk it, but I’m not talking about that specifically here. Aside from that one position, a lot of christians think women can only teach other women and girls but not guys, even like literal child boys. That’s so weird, like imagine thinking a little boy has more authority than, or even equal to, a grown woman? Couldn’t be me. And this whole idea comes from an out of context “I do not permit women to speak in the church” from a regular human guy. And the reason he said this was that the women around him were spreading heresy. I still think it’s flawed logic to exclude all women from speaking in that situation just because most of them were wrong, but again, this wasn’t a command from God. This was just a guy recording his church experience and doing his flawed human best to manage it. Various women throughout the actual bible outside of this one leader’s timeline held positions of power in various churches. And modern day american christian men think biblical womanhood is all about subservience? Bro what bible are you reading?

I just want to make it clear that these are all just generalizations, but having been in various actual biblical communities and conservative christian communities, I can kinda pick up on the general sexist behaviors of the latter. But unfortunately in today’s political climate more and more young christians are only being exposed to political opinions that are surface level americanized good christian morals, but not actually biblical.

Even on top of that, even if a man knows of these biblical misconceptions, we live in a society. Like we’re constantly exposed to women’s sexualization, and it’s pretty impossible to escape that. I don’t want to spend my life with someone who’s grown up in a world where women are seen as weak, objects, pleasure machines, etc. And yeah we can unlearn these biases (honestly I hate the word unlearn but I can’t think of a substitute rn), but it feels like a hassle to casually figure out whether a guy can make an effort to understand what women go through, and if I were to just bring it up I’d scare them away. And that’s not to say I’m some perfect person who’s never sexualized men, we are all sinners after all and we live in a fallen world etc etc. But a whole society where women are so objectified that it’s normal for little boys to be watching porn, that just doesn’t really happen with little girls. I can’t speak for all women, but when I started seeing men sexually it was in my late teens when I realized like ‘oh I can sexualize men too? wild. ok I’m an adult lemme check it out’. Still sinful, but not ingrained in me from porn ads as a kid the way most young boys have been since like the creation of the internet.

Even the men currently in my life who genuinely want what’s best for me are so incredibly misogynistic it’s baffling. My male family members see any woman who breaks an imaginary dress code or ideology is some kind of deviant. I just want to make it clear that this is MY family and I’M the only one who gets to complain about them. We all love each other here even if the males are horribly wrong.

So I shaved my head for halloween and my dad could barely look at me, not because he was exactly mad or anything but just because I looked ugly to him. He always says ‘close the windows in your apartment because men will spy on you changing’ but after my hair was gone he was all ‘actually don’t bother because nobody will look at you looking like that’ like wow I wasn’t aware men only sexualized women for their hair. Like you really think a gross creeper is gonna be turned off by a fully naked oblivious vulnerable woman just because she’s bald? That’s not how any of this works. And just today my sister was watching a goth youtuber egirl or something, I didn’t see her makeup but my dad said stuff like ‘ew why does she look like that, maybe it’d be cool as a costume but how is she going to get a job’. Like, I’m not one to go ‘women don’t wear makeup for men’ (because most women who only use makeup to hide their insecurities and follow beauty standards very much just do it so they don’t get backlash from others, if not directly to please men), but when it’s a fun crazy look that’s not meant to be pretty, I’m all for that shit and generally I hate when men lose respect for a woman just for wearing something they don’t like. Like fashion isn’t real and your appearance should be as costumey or weird as you want without people losing respect for you. Also like...do men know that makeup isn’t permanent?? Like if she wanted a job that required no makeup she could easily wipe her face off and get one?? Not only that, but people can work from home and/or be self employed. Maybe youtube itself was this girl’s job. Who the hell cares man. And the worst thing here is my brother outright said one time “the root cause of feminism is pride”. B r u h. And this was back when I considered myself an anti-feminist, even then I knew that feminism started for good reason and I was absolutely furious. I think I kept it to myself like a coward lol, but if anyone said that to me now I’d tear them apart. In a debate I mean, not like literal violence.

Tldr: I’m not trying to say men are inherently more evil because there’s evil in everyone, but the way it takes shape in men in most societies is so insidious and inescapable. I love my family and guy friends, but I don’t want to deal with one in a romantic/sexual relationship because I don’t know if even the most educated and goodest christian boi in this world can see me as a true equal. It sucks because I want sex and children, but when the mainstream idea of hetero sex is female submission, it just makes me shrivel up and contemplate becoming a nun. I’m not even catholic. But even nuns are sexualized and degraded in coomer’s disgusting brains. In conclusion I’m going feral and starting my own woman-only church in the woods let’s go ladies.

[gwendolyncooper]

the tenth doctor has some rights & y’all keep forgetting he exists outside of jack and martha

All right y’all, this is gonna be an unpopular opinion, so buckle up.

First up, a disclaimer: I love Ten. I love the Tenth Doctor. He’s one of my comfort characters, he got me through some really rough times. I also understand that he was super shit to both Martha and Jack, and that he was a very flawed character. That’s kind of the point of the Doctor, as much as flawed characters are with Torchwood.

I’m also absolutely not going to give him any slack for the way he treated Jack and Martha, as much as I want to dive into what I believe to be his thought process on it. It was shit. He’s done some really shit stuff. He’s not only the shit stuff.

Anyway.

There’s a lot I could get into, but my beef with the Torchwood fandom is Ten introducing Jack to Alonso.

It wasn’t cruel and it wasn’t reducing Jack to just a horny bastard, and here’s why.

Obviously, we have to look at the circumstances: Jack has lost Ianto Jones. We can assume that the Doctor knows he has, and knows what Ianto meant to him. We also have to acknowledge that we really have no clue where in Jack’s timeline he was when the Doctor brought Alonso to his attention, so we cannot accurately say how long it has been since he lost Ianto, just that he’s traveling the stars, which is about 99% of Jack Harkness’ timeline, since he’s functionally immortal.

ANYWAY. We all know that the show Doctor Who tends to reduce Jack into a walking bisexual stereotype - flirty to an extreme, sexualized, and dtf anyone who moves. Yes, we all hate it. I don���t get why they did, especially since it was RTD, but they did. And yes, Ten did it frequently, too. This wasn’t one of those times.

Ten exists as a person and as the Doctor for a vast amount of time outside of Jack or even his time with Martha (including her bc she’s Torchwood idc what anyone says). He was there with Rose, with Donna, during his time alone. He’s one of the longest-running Doctors in New Who. And it’s his time outside of Jack and Martha that makes this moment so incredibly different.

The Doctor loses people. He knows that. He always will. We discuss Jack accepting loss so often, but the Doctor has and always will know that pain just as deeply. He knows that who he is, what he does, the way his life works, means he will always lose people. But, just like Jack, that doesn’t stop him from getting attached and loving hard. And he did with Rose, and god, poor Martha got the brunt of that grief. And that’s what it was, grief. It wasn’t a good way to deal with it and it certainly wasn’t fair, but the Doctor was grieving. And when it came time to regenerate, he had just lost not only his best friend (world-ending psychopath or not), but his entire planet and people a second time, on top of losing Donna forever as well. He was in the throes of his grief, and he did for Jack exactly what he does for himself when trying to survive it: he picks up the pieces and pours his love into someone new.

Ten had minutes before his regeneration. And he spent those minutes going back to see the people he’d lost and would never see again, while he could as the same man. And Jack was grieving a loss that he understood, and felt, and Ten did the one thing he knew to do and tried to give him someone he not only knew was a good person, but knew would be Jack’s type. It wasn’t for a quick fuck, it wasn’t for a hookup -- Ten was grieving, Ten was dying, and he did for Jack what he couldn’t do for himself -- he tried to give Jack a place to pour the sort of abundant love that they both shared the ability to give.

Was it good timing? We don’t actually know. Was it sort of shit to do it without an explanation? Yeah, it kinda was. But the way the Torchwood fandom views Ten is through the incredibly narrow lens of Jack Harkness and Martha Jones, and he exists so widely and incredibly and fully outside of them that ignoring that twists who he is and his actions.

Anyway tag your Ten hate. I’ll back you all up on saying he treated them like shit, because he did. But I think most of the fandom has this one moment very, very wrong because we’re looking at it through a narrow lens and aren’t taking in the whole picture.