#I love andrew but that guy is not remus he’s too pretty to play remus

[lleaudau]

I’m sorry but I really dislike the fan casts for the characters in the Marauders era… Like Ben Barnes is NOT Sirius… There is NO way Remus Lupin would EVER look like Andrew Garfield. Do not even get me started on Timothée Chalamet as Regulus Black. And Dane Dehaan (I think it changed but I still see some edits of him) as Peter Pettigrew? Really? Who decided these fancasts and I’m sorry but— why did everyone agree to them? Is it because all those actors are hot so it doesn’t matter if they look like their casted characters or not?

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Tease

Harry Potter 

Pairings: Sirius Black x Reader 

Summary:  Sirius was too old for you, too dangerous, and had too much baggage. That is until you go on a date with someone else and everything changes.

Rating: M- smut

____

“He’s looking at you again.”

You didn’t even bother looking up at Tonks’ comment. You didn’t have to look up to know that Sirius was looking at you. There was no point in getting excited though.

“Tonks, I already told you that he isn’t interested. He already said that he was, and I quote, I am too old and too dangerous for you. There was some other stuff but I stopped listening at that point. When I heard that I’m too old for you part I stopped being hopeful.”

Tonks rolled her eyes and shot Sirius a scowl.

“I don’t know what the hell he is talking about. The age difference between the two of you is the same as Remus and me. Once we get a hold of Pettigrew, Sirius will be able to be a free man.”

“Yeah, well go tell him that.”

You muttered, trying to focus on the parchment that Madeye had put in front of you. Tonks' eyes rolled up to Remus and gave him a small shrug. What the two hadn’t told neither Sirius nor yourself was the fact that they were trying shamelessly to set the two of you up. So far they weren’t doing so well.

Meanwhile,

Remus watched as Sirius’ eyes stayed locked on you.

“Y/n is very pretty, huh?’

Sirius quickly turned in his friend’s direction.

“What are you two playing at?”

Remus shrugged with a careful grin.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. I simply stated that Y/n is a very pretty young woman. A very pretty single young woman who has had her eye on you for some time.”

Sirius glanced up again. Your violet eyes had rolled up to meet his grey ones briefly before looking away quickly.

“She thinks that I’m an asshole and she doesn’t need someone like me.”

“Someone like you?”

Remus questioned. Sirius wanted to smack Remus. If he wasn’t afraid of hurting his remaining best friend the other man would have been popped.

“I have too much baggage.”

Remus rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, mate. You’re missing a great opportunity. Y/n is kind. She honestly reminds me of her cousin, Lily.”

Sirius sighed. He didn’t want to think about how much that you reminded him of Lily. Maybe that was why Sirius’ heart ached every time that he looked at you.

“Can we not bring James and Lily into this? I don’t want to make them roll over in their graves.”

“I’m tired of telling Y/n that you suffer from asshole disease. She’s going to stop holding out hope for you one day and move on. You’ll be stuck in your bedroom with only your left hand for company.”

It took all that Remus had not to die of laughter at the expression on Sirius’ face.

“Well, I have to get going.”

Your voice pulled both Remus and Sirius from their conversations. Sirius was internally pleading with you to stay.

“Where are you headed?”

Madeye snapped. He hated admitting it but he had taken a fierce paternal liking to you. From the moment your little sunshine self came into his office to be trained as an Auror; Madeye took extra care to be almost a second father.

You sighed, miserably.

“I have a date with some guy.”

All eyes rolled nervously in Sirius’ direction. He was scowling angrily and if it wasn’t for Harry being beside him; Sirius would have been a total drama king and walked out.

“Does this guy have a name?”

Tonks asked, grinning. You shrugged.

“I’m sure he does but I don’t know it. Some girl that really needs to get a life set me up with him.”

“That’s the beginnings of a beautiful relationship.”

Sirius said in an icy tone that made you blush. If he would only grow a pair and ask you to be his girlfriend; you wouldn't have to be going out with these clowns that Tonks set you up with. You could be devoted to Sirius and have the lover that you so desperately wanted.

“I don’t know about beautiful, but he knows that I’m alive. That’s promising.”

Remus quickly came in before Sirius could say something sassy.

“We can make an excuse for you to get out of it. I got hurt. That’s believable.”

“It's okay Remus. The poor fool has been drooling over me for ages. It’s kind of obnoxious. Oh well, I’ll see you all later”

You turned and walked to the doorway followed by Tonks like an over-excited puppy. What you didn’t see was Sirius had slowly followed along too. He remained in the shadows as you pulled on your coat.

“Andrew isn’t that bad.”

Tonks said as she reached out fluffing your red curls. Your eyes rolled up to your friends.

“I haven’t been laid in months. Is it too much to ask for some halfway decent looking guy to just throw me over his shoulder or fuck me against a wall? This guy I’m going on a date with isn’t even cute.

Tonks giggled.

“Well, I am sure we can find you someone...somewhere”

You groaned. Why you had such shitty luck dating was still a mystery? Maybe it was because you worked too much or the fact that you didn’t put up with shit? It could also be the fact that you played tough but wanted some guy to have his way with you and pull the alpha card. Again...not asking for much.

“I’m beginning to think that it will take a miracle. There is hope, however, and it has batteries.”

You were relieved when Tonks continued her laughing fit.

“You’re just adorable...now go spread joy.” You gave her one final scowl before walking out the door muttering about people being crazy and lesbians having the right idea.

The next two hours were the longest and most boring of your life. Andrew asked you literally every question known to wizardkind. Your nickname for him was now “the question man.” Maybe it was Andrew being nervous but he was driving you crazy!

I need to stop comparing every man that I go out with to the man that I want.

You thought after drinking your third cup of coffee.

“So is that your real red hair?”

You looked up at Andrew from your drink.

“Uh, yeah. It came with me when I was born.”

Andrew nodded.

“Does the carpet match the drapes?”

Your mouth dropped at that question. That was the last question that you expected to come out of the man’s mouth. That was something that Sirius would ask to make you blush. Funny how it wasn’t near as witty coming from this man (who probably lived in his mother’s basement).

“Excuse me?”

You asked. Andrew motioned down your body suggestively with his eyes.

“You know...does the carpet match the drapes?”

You stood up and poured what was left of your coffee on the man’s head before storming out of the restaurant.

5 minutes later, you stood outside of Sirius’ house. You were ready to strangle Tonks! The woman was about to get tackled.

When you walked in, you didn’t notice Sirius sitting on the couch as if waiting for you to come back. He quickly stood up knowing that pissed off expression well. After all, he had seen Lily wear it many times.

“You don’t look happy.”

You nodded.

“Good job. Where is my dear friend Nymphadora? She and I are about to fight.”

Sirius closed his book.

“She and Remus are asleep. I take it your date didn’t go so well.”

You started laughing hard. Maybe it was your reaction or not being around other people for some time but Sirius was confused.

“What happened?”

“Well, I went on a date who is now known as the question man. We ended the night by him asking if my red hair was natural and if the carpet matches the drapes. I poured a cup of coffee on his head then stormed out. All in all, it was a lovely evening.”

Sirius only blinked as he took in what you said.

“Well, he kind of asked for what he got.”

You nodded.

“Oh yeah. I am never dating anyone again.”

“So if I asked you to consider being mine the answer would be no?”

That simple question made you freeze in your steps. You turned around looking at Sirius stupidly. He was leaned against the back of the couch with his arms crossed over his chest. You swallowed as you looked him over. Had his black jeans always been that tight and left so little to your already vivid imagination?

“We both know that isn’t going to happen. You have already made your feelings clear.”

You finally replied. Sirius smirked before rolling up the sleeves of the green sweater that he was wearing.

“Maybe I was wrong?”

He suggested. Sirius was going against his better judgment now. You were young, and whether you wanted to admit it or not, innocent. So much for trying to protect you from the negatives of his past. Sirius was ready to throw all of that out the window.

“Yeah, sure. I don’t know if anyone has told you this or not, teasing a girl’s feelings isn’t nice. You aren’t 16 anymore.” Sirius closed the gap between the two of you. His eyes were on your legs. The dress that you wore had been teasing him from the moment that you walked into the room.

“I know how old I am, love. I also know that I want nothing more than to get my hands on you.”

Your eyes were wide. Were you actually hearing this correctly? Sirius was hitting on you! He actually wanted you after all.

“You may just have to prove that.”

You said with a teasing smirk as your upper arms squeezed your breasts together discreetly. Sirius raised an eyebrow. He knew exactly what you were doing and, god damn it, you were winning.

“Why don’t you come here?”

When you didn’t move fast enough, Sirius’ hands were wrapped around your waist pulling your body to him. You moaned into the kiss as his tongue teased yours. How far this was going to go? You weren't sure. All that you knew was you were ready to go as far as Sirius wanted. You didn’t care if anyone walked in on the two of you either.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders as Sirius lifted your leg over his hip.

“I want you.”

You gasped against his lips. Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“Lucky for both of us. I want you too. Now, why don’t you get this dress off and get on my lap.”

When he pulled away from you, you wanted to cry out until it registered what you were instructed to do. You quickly tugged the silver dress that you were wearing off as Sirius yanked his own shirt over his head.

Sirius quickly sat back down on the couch; waiting patiently for that damned dress to come off. He palmed himself through his jeans as he watched the bra and knickers fall to the floor.

“Come here, doll.”

You didn’t wait to be told twice before taking your place on Sirius’ lap. His mouth was on yours in an instant; kissing you hungrily. When he was able to pull away, Sirius smiled at how your lips were already swollen.

“If I didn’t want to be inside of you so badly I could spend hours nestled between your legs. I like the idea of you being a weepy moaning mess.” You rocked your hips against him as Sirius reached between your bodies to undo his belt and jeans.

“I think you are a little bit of a tease.”

You moaned as his mouth wrapped around the nipple of your right breast. Sirius gently nipped the sensitive flesh a few times as he was able to get himself free from his remaining clothing. Your head fell back as Sirius rubbed the head of his cock against your already sensitive clit.

“A tease that knows what he wants.”

Sirius growled. You kissed his nose before getting off of his lap. Sirius looked at you with worried eyes. If you cut off the love supply now; he would be crushed. The moment that you knelt down in front of him to tug his jeans down further; Sirius sighed in relief.

“I have been wanting to feel those pretty lips around me for a long time now.”

He moaned as your mouth closed around him. Sirius closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch.

“That’s a good girl. Damn, you’re good at this.”

You took your time sucking each and every inch. Sirius wrapped his hand in your hair, gently tugging.

“Get back up here. I can’t wait.”

You quickly got up and laid back on the couch. Sirius spread your legs before giving you an eyebrow wiggle.

“Time to make you come, pretty girl.”

The moment that he pushed in the both of you moaned. You lifted yourself off the couch to take as much as he had to offer. Sirius kept his eyes clenched while giving you time to adjust.

“I think that I am going to like spending a lot of time inside you.”

You bit your already swollen lip as you felt incredibly and deliciously full. Sirius remained motionless for a moment before that feral need to make you his returned full force. Your head slammed into the couch as Sirius remained balls deep fucking you as hard and deeply as possible.

“Feel good, baby?”

You could only not. You weren’t coherent enough to put actual words together.

“Fucking you so good that you can’t talk, huh? I can do better than that.”

Sirius increased his pace. Your eyes were rolling back in your head as the knot in your stomach began to form. Sirius closed his eyes as your body began to tighten around him.

“No coming yet.”

He said in a commanding tone before pulling out. You were left a gasping spasming mess as he laid down on the floor. Sirius put his arms behind his head and motioned to his cock.

“Come here and ride me like you mean it. Fuck me sore, baby girl.”

You slid off the couch (more like fell off the couch but who cares) and quickly took your place on top of your lover. Deciding to tease him a bit first, you gently rocked your wet core against the head of his cock. You leaned down gently nibbling your way from Sirius’ lips to his neck. He groaned beneath you.

The realization that he could do this with you every day was a pleasant one. You were as desperate for his touch as Sirius was yours. He was ready to throw whatever reservation that he had about the two of you being in a relationship away. As far as Sirius was concerned, you were now his.

“You like love bites, baby? You’re about to get a lot of them.”

Sirius didn’t even give you time to fully take him in again before flipping you onto your back. You cried out when his cock was back inside fucking your mercilessly. His mouth was one your neck leaving you gasping inaudible words as his teeth bit down on your sensitive flesh.

The knot in your stomach quickly began to form again as Sirius’ own movements became a little more erratic.

“Come on, sweetheart. I’m not lasting much longer.”

You felt what sense of control failed you as Sirius used his middle finger to press firmly on your clit. Two seconds later the two of you were coming apart at the same time. You couldn’t move as the ecstasy flowed through your veins making you feel finally pleased. Sirius meanwhile, continued to lazily rock into you until rolling to his side to cuddle you.

“Believe it or not, I really didn't plan that.”

He said, kissing you gently. Your eyes rolled up to meet Sirius’ gaze.

“I’m glad that it happened and I am fine with it happening as much as you would like.”

Sirius wrapped himself around you as much as possible.

“With you being my girl now, I would hope that it would be that way.”

______

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[currently-shushing-birds]

I'm rewatching the early Sanders Sides episodes (let go from My True Identity to Losing motivation) so here are my thoughts with mild context

Logan used to be such a smiley boy :(((

Oh logan that's gay

Roman pops up, insults them he's all "hi roman :)))"

"And that's when the anxiety kicks in" but virgil..doesnt show up. It's so weird

Roman goes "I'll learn to love myself" and then DOESNT

I'm calling it.  That's Janus. Logan says he doesnt gave emotion and here he is being a SMILEY boi who is telling thomas what's good about him >:(

THAT'S- THAT'S ROMAN'S THEME WH-

Oh Patton...oh pat..

"YOU'RE A F A T H E R"

"I know it's got somethin' to do with storks!"

"Am I right tony?" "That's not my name"' "then w h a t i s i t"

A D U L T E R Y

"Please welcome my anxiety" "sup!"

What what a bitch. Like a mean girl. Regina who??

"Sorry kid" excuse but arent you the litteral child

*crosses legs like a gay icon*

WHERE DID THIS BITCH GO

I'm all good with our current virgil but goddamn he's like a villain and w o w I love Villians

"Hey there Princey ;)" jesus

Lily Singh is gorgeous and super cool but god that woman is an enigma

Such light eyeshadow

I have a headcanon that Virgil and Remus watch shitty reality TV together and I completely forgot about this-

*waves at bird*

"Anxiety can be a constant struggle" "that's right ;)"

YA NASTY

It devolved Thomas, I'm so sorry-

Leslie Odom Jr. is one of my favorite people

Ugh I'm so proud of Thomas

Logan- THIS ONE HAS A SONG!!

"Proper adultery"

Oh, this is when logan still liked YouTube I see

"NO" "hey!!!!"

Y'know the one John Mulaney bit where he's just saying "okay, okay" that's Thomas

L O G A N

When was Patton so mean-

"Ugh...I do not like you" and then the fandom declared they were in love

They all sound the same and it's weird. Later on they all have their own spots in Thomas' vocal range. Example: Virgil sings lower while Roman is a the highest part if Thomas' vocal range

The lip syncing is like- y'know what nevermind

Logan having fun singing: :0

"You sicken me!!" Damnn

It was his video >:(

I keep my closet open because I'm afraid of serial killers inside-

No one said prince but I love you so much-

I adore Roman's theme

*gay hand*

And this is also where we declared they were in love

*gay hand again*

Julie Andrews is a beautiful goddess

"Or dont eat fruit:))"

O H N O

I love Peter Pan-

That's what Janus did..lying and deceiving his way to my goddamn heart I love him

Princey is SALTY

Thomas doesn't age

And they're in love :)))

I watched this episode last night at 4 am :))

I love rent-

UGH ROMANNNNNN

"I love dISNEY"

Logan just became anxiety there

Just the "AHSJWJAEMTDESW" from Patton has me fucking rollibg

STORYTIME!!! *sits contently like a toddler*

Ugh I love Roman

I havent seen The Untimate Storytime but I wanna

Bizzardvark...Jake Paul...ew

Patton I love you

Gonna link my post right here because I love him so much

Logan is so excited-

EW NASTY

I love playing bubbly characters!! Join me Thomas!!

Aw Roman

Gay Disney Prince

AW VIRGE

damn Pat

Thomas is such a sweetheart I swear to god-

AWWW-

"I'm not you're son >:("

AWWWWWWWWW-

"Our little guy"

Your heart and your mind...yes they're in love

Patton s t o p-

*as Patton and Logan are bickering* ah..romance

We really are clowns

"I am not your son" you are though Thomas

Our biggest dilemma was "I kinda wanna learn more about myself" and now it's "IS IT B A D IF I KILL A MAN"

Onesie buddies

Is that ship art-

I miss the Sanders Sides intro

"I know big words too. Sssssaxaphone???"

GIRL

Is this the episode where Ligan speaks simlish

Thomas's acting is so good

IT IS THE SIMLISH EPISODE

Valerie...so pretty

"AYO ZIPIT TOO BLARP"

I do like bagels- also that tie in via the recent episode

Leave Valerie alone guys you're all gay-

He wrote that

Valerie just nods along

Oh look at that art

Oh Pat :(((

Dragon Witch: Fuck you Valerie

"MY SPLEEN"

Roman is bilingual and probably bisexual

You're upsetting him >:(

"I'm feeling all types of bad" BABY BOY-

"I wasn't trying to help" stfu

Awww

"IF I COULD GIVE YIU ALL BUTTERFLY KISSES-" *sobbing*

And they're in love

"I love you" *more crying*

Have..fun????

Does this imply Roman can hide a body

AHHHHHHH

They're. In. Love

OH I LOVE THIS EPISODE

all business strictly dress up seriousness

Thonas really said "Patton's my dad figure but God you guys are children"

He does makeup :))

Logan: he is ANXIOUS!!

Virgil: *blinks like he doesnt understand

*winks*

Smarrttt

*looking at Patton's hat*' kill the competition, sell the next edition. What a fine life-

"You're n o t welcome"

Patton be nice-

Logan thinking looks like that one meme where the lady has equations all around her..has someone drawn that

"Logic and I are playing dress up, anxiety is making us question our existence and I found a dollar" favorite fuckibg line every single time

EY NEWSIES!! RENT!!

God there's a lot of shipping content

Doo doo *giggle*

"My bad"

OOP

Patton is the character thar's smart but also a fucking idiot

"Is it because I have a dollar and you dont??"

Logannnnn

"You're dating this video"

Logan are you okay baby-

What the fuck kind of agreeing face was that

Pasta salad

Sir Sing A Lot

WOAHHH

I- LOGAN'S NAME REVEAL

FORGOT ABOUT THAT

A BITCH J U M P E D

I honestly dont know why I did this, I do it in other fandoms and no one is entertained but me- alright that's all

[bitchiha]

Can I get a Naruto, Harry Potter and Marvel ship please? I'm average height with hazel eyes and long, dark-brown hair. I'm sarcastic, stubborn, laid-back, down-to-earth and very open-minded. I love reading, writing, listening to music and taking naps. I love animals, nature, the winter and the fall. I daydream a lot and I'm terrible at social situations (unless I'm really comfortable with the people that are with me). Thank you so much!

Voila!

I ship you with...

Shikamaru Nara!

When he first meets you he’s already like 0-0 wow pretty, but he doesn’t say that of course. He likes that you’re not loud or overbearing, but at the same time you’re not too quiet. You won’t let yourself get pushed around by anyone and you’re also pretty sarcastic, which is a bonus because that means you’ll get each others humour.

One day when he’s walking around the village and he sees you laying on the roof of your house. He was kinda curious as to what you were doing, so he goes up there to check and it turns out your cloud watching. You make some sarcastic comment at it him which he’ll chuckle at, but lay down next to you anyways and watch the clouds with you. Then it kinda all goes downhill from there.

He’ll like lazy things you do together like laying on the grass and cloud watching or more like he cloud watches while you go walk around looking at all the animals in the forest. He likes when you daydream because you look cute when you do it and it’s also an opportunity for him to tease you, but don’t be afraid to be snide back, he lowkey likes it.

WILL TAKE NAPS WITH YOU 24/7!! Like you two may not have been planning to have a nap, but you both wanted one so why not? Sometimes you both won’t get anything done tbh

Will complain about going on little nature walks or exploring for animals, but he secretly likes it. He will definitely make you rest periodically for ‘cloud watching breaks.’ Since your both really go with the flow and down to earth, your dates are more spontaneous. Like he’ll knock on your door and ask if you wanna get some barbecue, or you’ll knock on his door and say it’s a perfect day for a walk. You two can listen to music together while you’re on walks or cloud watching. He thinks his music taste is superior though and will always want the aux cord.

Bonus if can bring you cloud watching and you’ll read a book instead, putting your head on his lap as you do so. He just lives for the little quiet moments like that and will definitely make a routine of asking to cloud watch with him. Also likes if you just talk to him while you’re together like that. It can be about your book, about a new song you like or a decent mission you went on. He just lives for your voice.

Will wanna play Shogi with you, he likes that you really put an effort into the game. You may not be the best, but you’re trying and that’s all that matters. It also really boosts his ego everytime he beats you at Shogi because he wants to make sure you know he’s really smart.

Thinks that both your awkwardness with social situations and your daydreaming are really amusing. He won’t tease you too much about daydreaming all the time because you look pretty when you do it and he doesn’t wanna deter you from it. However, he will get a real kick out of your awkwardness though. Like he won’t be a bitch about it because he wants you to be comfortable, so he’ll try and ease your stress. But beware, if you do something embarrassing or stupid by accident he will laugh his ass off.

You can definitely push him around a bit too. Like you’ll only take the lazy shit 50% of the time. Plus, if you didn’t push him around he would never do anything, so don’t feel bad about it. You’re doing him a favour.

Remus Lupin! (marauders era)

Andrew Garfield is his face claim I don’t give a fuck that’s his face claim fight me

He’s probably been crushing on your for timeee. Like since first year time. Despite your own awkwardness in social situations he’s still too nervous to talk to you.

It isn’t till like fourth year, when you’re hanging around the black lake trying to find the giant squid, that Remus Lupin actually approaches you. Sirius, James and Peter were all hiding behind a tree waiting to hear what your answer would be. They had noticed Remus’ interest in you since first year and they teased him endlessly about it. It wasn’t until this year that they actually managed to get him to ask you out.

When he comes up to you his face is all red and his hands are clammy. You’re really nice to him though, minus the fact that you were a little bit awkward around him. I mean you had little conversations before about animals (you were always reading books about them) and your classes. You were more than happy to hear him ask you out on a date to Hogsmeade though as the feelings he had for you were mutual. That begins the start of a cute and wholesome relationship.

Since you like nature so much, you usually end up lounging outside on lazy school days. Like if its spring and the weather is amazing, you’ll lay on the grass together and read. He’ll love it if you read to him, or sit in his lap so you can both read the book. If it’s fall, you two would walk around the castles courtyard and watch the leaves fall and crunch them with the soles of your shoes. You would probably listen to music on a Walkman Sirius smuggled in for him as you walked around.

If you’re dating a marauder, you basically become one. So that means you’re involved in a lot of antics. You fit in pretty well, you’ve got that sarcasm to bark back whenever Sirius or James want to get sassy. You’ve also got the stubbornness that keeps their plans going, if the prank fails the first time, it will just have to be even better the next time. They’ll love you like a sister and will never allow you to get introuble for their pranks.

Will also love to read the works you’ve written yourself. He will be super supportive and even come up with ideas for you to write about and they’re surprisingly good! Can proofread your work if you want him too bc we know he’s smart asf

When you find out about his ‘condition’ he’s embarrassed, but you reassure him that you aren’t afraid of him and he won’t hurt you. Sometimes he can be too self concious and you’ll have to knock some sense into him.

Will die of happiness if you buy him chocolates. Like make it a routine thing where a certain day of the week, or month you would give him chocolate. He will brag about it constantly to the other marauders. He’ll like whip out the chocolate and be like “oh yah, look at this? Wanna know who got it for me? Y/n!” And there just like: he does this every fucking time

Peter Parker!

So you meet him at school, I can see you being a friend of Michelle’s. You’re definitely more approachable than she is, so he talks to you more and more and eventually Michelle just starts saying “go out already” when ever you two talk. So then he finally works up the courage to.

He’ll come up to you after school at your locker and he’ll give you a flower or something bc he knows you like nature. He’s so nervous when he actually asks you and you can see his face get red and he’s sweaty. You say yes ofc and he’s so happy. Anyways, the first date will be at Central Park bc that’s like the only form of nature he can find in New York. Then he’ll take you to that Thai place he usually goes to with Aunt May.

After that you two become inseparable. You’ll come over to his place and read while him and Ned build their LEGO Star Wars shit. Sometimes you’ll help but other times you’ll read or watch them.

Peter can be a sassy little shit, but guess what? so can you. Will have sass offs of sarcastic remarks for a good half an hour.

You’ll find out his identity as Spider-Man at the same time as Ned. Like the two of you were supposed to hang out at Peters and finish the LEGO Death Star and then spider man crawls through the window and your both like: bitch wtf

Anyways he will 10/10 swing you around New York with him. You’ll probably lay on the roofs of a building and watch the sun go down. He will web a lil hammock for you two to lay on and it would just be so chill.

Likes to listen to music with you while you’re on the subway together. You two are just commuting to school and whips the AirPods out, one for you and one for him. The two of you will alter in who will play the music that day. Also will get sandwiches with you after school and treat you everytime, even if he’s borderline broke.

Will brag about you to aunt may 24/7 and will get all his romantic advice from her. So sometimes the romantics gestures he makes are a little sappy but you can tell he’s trying so you don’t care. Since you really like nature he’ll put an effort into doing things that involve it with you. Like you’ll go out of the city to pumpkin patches in the fall or in the winter you could have a snowball fight on the way to school and in the summer you’ll go on walks in the parks a lot.

Will also brag about you to the avengers and show you off through pictures on his phone and they’ll be like: bruh we get it shut up twerp. But they ship you guys anyways so.. and when he’s on missions he misses you a lot so expect him to ft at odd times. Like he’s fighting a bad guy but he misses you? Expect a ft call. He’s on a top secret mission that is deeply classified? Expect a ft call.

Also he will send you memes 24/7 and expects memes in return. It’s common courtesy, jheez ppl.

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

So I’m finally getting around to writing out a bunch of info about my Sander Sides au so I hope youre all ready--(its like 1 am im so sorry for any spelling mistakes and missed tags)

So its 1 am on a work night and I cant sleep and I’ve had lots of ideas and canon things for this au bouncing around my head for days and now TONIGHTS THE NIGHT ITS HAPPENING IM DELIVERING YOU ALL THE DETAILS AND EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF AND TYPE 

Also please feel free to ask about this! I know I got a few new followers from all my recent sander sides art and also thanks to @sugarglider9603 reblogging some art I made of their au I got the biggest flood of exposure and attention on my art ive ever had and I have so much to thank them for, for all recent exposure ive gotten the past couple days( theyre so sweet and lovely and easy to talk to sugar deserves all the love--) and its given me a huge surge of motivation and confidence to post this. And please, my inbox is always open to talk about my aus or my art! Ask questions, send requests, send headcanons or ideas, send fluff angst im open to anything and I try to do all requests sent to me(sooner or later)

Oh oh! and please id you catch any and all the little inspirations or anything let me know

And finally this au is a LAMP au with Remile and Demus on the side

Ahem ahem anyway onto the au!!!

More under the cut so I dont flood your screen too bad!

Ok so! 

This Au was originally inspired by @residentanchor‘s amazing fanfic A Lesson in Practicality and also a little bit by @prettyinaccurate‘s fanged virgil au( I’ll get more into that further down) 

So it takes place in a (currently) unnamed bigger city I based off San Francisco and Sacramento( because I live in Cali and those are the two major cities ive really visited ya know?) The boys are all in various stages of their twenties when they move into a four bedroom apartment together: Patton Foster is the oldest of the roomies at 27, then Logan Masters at 26, Roman Prince at 24, and finally Virgil Collins at 22. They move in together because it all works out for them really, the apartment is in a good distance to all their current jobs, whether by bus or even in Pat’s case in walking distance and with all four of them it was well affordable and was pretty nice. I mean hey it even came with a little communal balcony ( since theyre on third floor of the building) 

Things are understandably a little rocky at first , i mean isnt it always though?

Virgil has alot of anxiety and so he tends not to talk really at all at the beginning unless he ABSOLUTELY had to, mostly communicating in noncomittal noises and soft grumbles, and he was fresh out of collage and barely two years into his job and out on his own for the first time and he wasnt really ready for it either like christ too many people

Patton was bright bubbly and caring. This wasnt his first rodeo with roomies, I mean cmon, hes been sharing a room with his older brother Damian(deceit) on and off almost all his freakin life, nor was it his first time living on his own with strangers(hes lived in two different parts of two when he was job hopping before he settled down in his current part time job)

Roman was extroverted loud and exciteable, he too was used to sharing his living space( he had TWO siblings after all) and before he had moved into the apartment he had tried living on his own and with other roommates while he attended collage, but those just didnt work out well ( he ended up staying with his older brother Remy in his studio apartment across the city while he finished out that semester and searched for a job to keep an income.

Logan was serious minded stern toned and confident, he had a minor degree in teaching that he was slowly repursueing and had been out on his own for awhile before he had moved in. And though cold at first he soon found his group of housemates...enjoyable.

Its about a month into them living together that they learn exactly why despite slowly getting close and getting to know each other Virgil still kept a wide distance: He had entirely sharp teeth.

“ I dunno....I was born with them..theyve always been a sharp pain in my ass...” - virgil, about his teeth

Of course just having sharp teeth wasnt bad enough oh no. You see a few years back when he was about 18 he was young and dumb and made horrifically stupid and reckless decisions under peer pressure and ended up doing something that not only pointedly (haha oh god im not funny) chipped his front teeth but it fucked up his teeth pretty majorly, he went from having a normal overbite to almost having a goddamn underbite and crooked all his teeth, and the only way to fix it( because somehow miraculous for all the damage done it turned out to be mostly reversable aside from the chipping) was getting braces to realign his teeth. So he’s had pretty purple braces over his fangs since he was 18 and they werent expected to come off until he was AT LEAST 25 and he was insecure about them. ( he got mocked for them through his two and a half years of junior collage)

Once the gang finds out they are understanding and helpful and dont make a big deal about it( though virgil gains a significant amount of more vampire related nicknames from roman)

Once they get close and comfortable around each other the apartment is pretty warm and lively! 

Virgil works at the art store as an assistant manager and head stocker( a bit of a dream come true since he was an art student)

Roman works as a part time waiter at a family resturant as well as working at a nearby theater( he was of course a lovely theater major) 

Patton worked at a nearby cafe and bakery as a bit of everything! He helped wait tables, serve behind the counter, and helped in the back in the kitchen( the owners were family friends and he’d been working there almost four to five years at that point, boi knows how to do everything) 

Logan worked at a big name bookstore, and also provided tutoring sessions for highschool students on the side by commision

More FACTS~~

Family ages for the big families go as follows:

Fosters: Damian(28), Patton(27)

Prince: Remy(26), Roman(24, older twin by 10 minutes), Remus(24, younger twin)

Emile is 27 and is a licensed therapist and works as a counselor for young adults that volunteers at the nearby library to ready to children

Remy works as a coffee barista in Emile’s building

Remus does alot of odd jobs, kinda working as an independent for hire and gets a surprising steady flow of work and pay. Hes still a trash man though, but hes a successful trash man( partly thanks to Damian calling in favors with connections)

Damian works at a law firm slowly moving into the position of prosecutor

Virgil doesnt really get along with his family and at some point Emile offers to take virgil in as his adopted brother, with Damian assuring him if he wanted concrete legal papers to start changing his last name, cutting ties with his family, anything needed for it he’d see to it that they’d be providing(something our boi really appreciates)

Remy visits Emile on his breaks since hes literally just...two hallways down and vice versa

Damian and Remus live together in the next, slightly smaller city over because Damian’s work transferred him to a different office in order for him to keep moving up in the ranks so to speak. 

Hes also good at what he does.

Family nights happen whenever they can

Patton got to teach them how to cook alot of complicatied dishes from scratch, a bonding time he adores

Roman got Virgil an Espeon hoodie after they all start dating and virgil loves it and wears it alot around the house because its a thicker hoodie and warm( though he tries to ignore the big ears and the obnovious tail

Virgil also loves visiting Roman’s work on what Ro likes to refer to as “ hellish days” AKA kids day which means goofy kid friendly theme days. His favorite was probably alice in wonderland day when Roman was Tweedle Dee

Roman played J.D at the local theater and likes to hum some of the his songs to switch up the Disney

The balcony is covered in houseplants and and a corner of old blankets and pillows to sit and chill on

Once a month Logan and Patton have what is affectionately referred to as the Cat Discourse

After any particularly rough days at work Patton tends to massage Logan’s shoulders and back to make sure Lo doesnt get any really bad stress knots

in return when Logan sees Patton’s head a hard day he makes Patton’s favorite drink and pulls him into a hug and let the older man fall asleep in his arms while they watch movies

Pat and roman sense each other’s bad days and order in some cliche diner food and hole up in pattons room with Pattons computer and relax the shittiness away with comedy specials and movies 

Likewise Virgil has a knack of picking up Roman’s bad days and always grabs a couple glasses and a bottle kinda cheap wine and they end up curling up together on Romans bed marathoning Disney movies on Virgil’s laptop 

and when Virgil closes himself off more than normal Logan manages to lure him out of his room and they end up sitting out on the balcony quietly talking and stargazing

so loving and fond and soft with each other

you hurt one of them you gonna get BEAT by the others. 

Speaking of getting beat, never EVER mess with Roman or Remus in Remy’s proximity

Remy Andrew Prince can and WILL fuck you right up if you hurt his little brothers. He’s protective.

and where Remy will rearrange your face Damian will ruin you mentally and legally if you so much as mistreat a single freckle on his little brother’s face, despite knowing that Patton is fully capable of taking care of himself. 

Everyone protects Virgil, dont mess with or hurt virgil or you have the pack coming for ya throat

aaaaaaaaaaaaaand thats all I have for right now! Of course more will be added but now its almost three in the morning and I have work at 1:30pm and im sleepy finally! But I hope you guys like this! And please, feel free to talk to me about it, my inbox is always open!!

Taglist: @phantommoonpeople @sweetsweetemo @loganberrysanders

[armada-of-ships-against-antis]

Gush about some of your favorite ships please

Sorry for the long wait, but I think I might be ready for this now. (and before anybody wonders, of course it is in the middle of the night and I should go to bed now! Cause it’s the best time to gush over your ships!)

Okay lets begin with Spirk - man I was raised being a Trekkie and to be honest I never saw the great appeal of Kirk, cause my fucking younger than 10 year old heart already belonged to that vulcan! And I bailed my eyes out when he died! But after Kirk and the crew did everything to bring him back, I was like: Okay Kirk is a good one, okay! Nobody will ever be able to seperate them, only over my dead body. Back then it was more about the friendship but I’ll be dammned if I didn’t become a Spirk shipper some 10 years later when rewatching it. But why stop there, get Bones into the fun, too! Try to provoke that human side of Spock, trigger some unlogical feelings, try to beat him in 3d chess!

Okay bear with me there are three other Star Trek ships I wanna gush about!  I pretty much watched the series in the order they came out, so next was TNG that I saw, and although I loved data to every bit and byte of his android being, I was at a loss for a love interest for him. Okay there is always Geordie I guess or Picard, but TNG never hold a deep appeal for me in that field. So on to DS9. When I saw it as a kid, is was boring shit with all that politics and religion. I was around 18 when I rewatched and then in only the fourth episode I became suddenly aware of how motherfucking much Garak flirted with Julian Bashir! And I fell so deeply in love for their weird dynamic of a young and easily impressible human doctor with a mysterious cardassian spy tailor. I ran around showing scenes with them to people who were not shippers and they agreed, that there was tension. And right there was my first time finding background informations about my ship. It was there! I didn’t just interpret too much!  Andrew Robinson, the actor said himself he thought of Elim Garak as an omnisexual character who had a certain interest in Julian. It was absolutely mindblowing to me (also I started to google what omnisexual meant and found about pansexuality, so this is kinda part of finding my own identity, thanks to the closeted representation of a queer alien in sci-fi show from the 90s)

Okay two more and I’m done with Star Trek. But both are from Voyager. Throughout the series I loved the chemistry between Janeway and Chakotay. The slightly forbidden, the pressure, the loneliness of being captain of a ship so far away she probably would never see her husband again. Tragic shit and so perfect set up.  And then came Seven of Nine and manged to shake things up. Suddenly I was a multi shipper, because I couldn’t decide if she or Chakotay should be with Kathryn. The one was loving, supporting and the other was awkward, learning new things about finding humanity again. One was frowned upon because of their ranks and the other because Seven was still more borg than human in how she behaved. So pretty cold, while also confused a ton of times and Janeway ALWAYS had the time and nerves to explain it to her. Just like the doctor (who speaking between us is also a solid shipping option for Seven!)

Damn I tricked you by forgetting myself, that I did develop a shipping crush on Q x Picard. Damn have you ever seen those two interacting. The cockiness in the room, the mocking tone, the resistance. Have you seen those scenes you could perfectly take out of context and already have a “morning after sex” scenario?

Good now let’s take a deep breath and come to the Harry Potter fandom. Or in my case Severus Snape’s playground to be shipped to literally everybody! If it had Snape in it, I would read Everything during that time. Snarry was my most favourite, followed by Snape x Lucius, Remus, Sirius. But I also was looking into x Hermione, Draco, Lily, James, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Ron, Neville (Oh what a small and angsty ship), Bellatrix, Voldemort, Narcissa, Tonks, hell I even read one with Hagrid! (Okay I admit I didn’t enjoy that). Snape was my shipping bitch. Beside that I was of course loving Sirius x Remus.

Okay we move a tiny bit backwards in my life timeline, because before I started to excessively ship my ship bitch with everybody that was breathing, I had a rare ship in Final Fantasy (VII to be more precisely). Hojo x Vincent. You know just your ordinary crazy, mentally instable old (as in probably 60 years old) mad scientist having his way with a young agent from a special task force who canonly had a love interest in his wife… yeah. You know the totally normal stuff you ship every day!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

I mean I also had the regular Cloud x Sephiroth, Cid x Vincent, Cloud x Tifa, Tifa x Aeris, Reno x Rude or Rufus and so on, but hell yeah I wrote one of my longest fanfictions with most of my OCs for Hojo and Vincent and someone commented on it. That person became my fucking best friend for now over 13 years who went with me through so much shit but is still my shipping partner in crime till now.

Together we discovered the movie Megamind and watched it more than 10 times in one week! We were so instantly on board with Megamind x Roxanne that it nearly hurt. And when we started an rpg, we shipped the fuck out of them, gave Minion a mermaid to love and that was the most perfect and sweet shit. They are just adorable! He’s such a goofball, sick with love only hold back because of his supervillain image.

I also met my second girlfriend via fanfiction comment. I had written a smut one shot about Tarrant Hightopp, the mad Hatter with ‘his’ Alice. That was also the first one I attempted to translate into English. When we met for the first time, we also watched Alice in Wonderland around 10 times together and we were in love with the lovely dynamic. We were frustrated when we found out, there was even a kiss in the script that never made it to the fucking screen! It was outrageous! I started to learn how to write a scottish accent and strew in some scottish words in our rpg to make it more authentic.

(And after that I managed to pull her into the pit of the Harry Potter fandom, hell I even pulled her into the pit of shipping mlm which she didn’t like until Snupin. But our main ship was suddenly Snape with her OC and we wrote a lot. Like between 2-8k word for one single post in our rpg! In the end we had enough to fill two books. We did even cosplay as them.)

Let’s get back to the Final Fantasy fandom a bit and let me gush over the other ships I had over the years. I’m still a huge Squall x Quistis shipper from part 8 and Laguna x Kiros! I also have an eye on Cifer x Fu-Jin (hah one eye, cause she has a an eyepatch, urgh I know that was a bad joke). And while I started as a big Auron x Tidus shipper, it shifted more to Auron x Rikku. I shipped them when I was about 15 (her age) and I thought I wasn’t allowed to do that, so I made a whole fucking AU where she was older and it developed into a totally original story of my own, which I have never ever written down even one page). With X-2 I satisfied myself with Paine x Rikku, they were such cute opposites of each other, I couldn’t resist! Only some years ago I played FF 15 and damn it was a shipping paradise again for me. Like all of the four protagonists are a match for each other! And then Ardyn appeared and made me weak in the knees. So Ardyn x Noctis but also just because those the truly most favorite characters: Ardyn x Ignis. Not exactly the fluffy happy stuff, I can tell you that. Manipulation, angst, abuse it had it all.

I can’t talk about Final Fantasy and leave Kingdom Hearts out, so yeah I started as a typical Sora x Riku (not Rikku from FF 10) fangirl and with part 2 I also feel for Axel x Roxas. I know, I know but at least with Organisation 13 you had a whole bunch of shippable characters. Just make one or two of them your shipping bitch, in my case Xemnas and Xigbar and ship the shit out those guys with everybody you can think of in the organisation.

And when we are already talking about Kingdom Hearts, I just jump into Disney a bit. Like every girls dream was to find their prince, ect and I was like: yeah Mulan and Shan Yu seem to fit nicely… Frollo is a fucking ass creep, but damn that scene in the cathedral when he sniffs Esmeraldas hair… Jasemine you look good in that red slave outfit for Jafar to be honest and dear Adam, you should have stayed a beast for Belle. Happy ruining your childhood. You’re welcome. :D Not that I shiped those during seeing those movies the first time, but you know I rewatch stuff!

Good okay let’s check the watch… good 1 hour later…. I’m not gonna finish this any time soon…. I’m sorry. I just tried to make a list of ships that seem important to me and I would probably write another hour or two. I just hope this satisfies you for the moment ;)

If you or anybody else wants to hear about more video game, movies or series ships and me writing an essay about that shit… feel free to ask I guess LMAO

Good Night dear people (or maybe not I see 15 messages on my dash)

[mischiefmoonaged]

Unpopular Opinion Time

This is for me to just get this out of my head it’s not to invite arguments? Idk I’m not here to fight. Nothing is terribly fight worthy anyways.

I can’t stand the fandom’s obsession with Andrew G.arfield as a fancast for R.emus. It’s overused and I don’t like it???? SO OVERUSED. HAVE AN ORIGINAL THOUGHT FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. Being a werewolf doesn’t keep someone looking boyishly young and R.emus obviously looks his age if not older because he was so adamant that he was too old for T.onks. He wouldn’t have to bring that up if he still looked like a college twink. And as for using him for younger R.emus??? HE’S WAS TOO OLD TO PLAY ETER P.ARKER WHY WOULD HE WORK FOR SCHOOL AGED R.EMUS? This is more of just a personal opinion but just --- why is everyone so into this fancast ??? 

I can’t stand the fandom’s decision that R.emus is obsessed with chocolate instead of the OBVIOUS reasoning that he had chocolate in the book/movie was because he is a super prepared teacher who knew there would be dementors searching the trains and that’s why he travelled that way to get to Hogwarts (which is highly unusual for teachers). And he knew they’d be at the school. Dumbledore sought him out and hired him for a reason. HE’S SMART AND KNOWS HIS REMEDIES. But no the fandom makes it this annoying fancanon that Remus would fight you if you stole his chocolate and that he always has it on him etc. Guys. Remus is poor. He was living in a crumbling cottage when Dumbledore came to him. I can promise you he wasn’t funding some chocolate obsession for years. 

R.emus is Welsh and people need to remember that. Just because JKR never actually did anything with that for him doesn’t mean we can’t. The Welsh are super proud of their Welshness. They’re so damn proud to be Welsh and not be English. JKR kinda sucks for not showing this at all. It’s BS but nothing new so whatever. This isn’t really an unpopular opinion but it just ---- UGH NOT EVERYONE IS ENGLISH AND LETS CELEBRATE EVERYONE WHO IS DIFFERENT. 

James and S.irius were not --- great friends for R.emus in school. They were good friends, giving him acceptance and loving him for who he was but they weren’t great. But read all the way through because it does end on a positive note.    S.irius: S.irius’ prank was not alright in any shape or form. He could have gotten S.nape killed or bitten and that is one of R.emus’ BIGGEST fears. He’d have been devastated. Not to mention it wasn’t S.irius’ right to give up R.emus’ biggest secret like that and outing him even if Snape was already suspicious that something was up. So, R.emus certainly had a hard time trusting him the same after that and he is completely valid in feeling like that.     James/S.irius together (and this isn’t necessarily their fault or in their control but it’s an observation I need to make): Peter was not the only one who basically worshipped the ground James and S.irius walked on. R.emus didn’t feel quite the same sense of extremeness but he certainly was pretty dependent on them. Might I remind you that R.emus was kept away from other children once he was bitten. That’s age 4/nearly 5 till the day he got on the train when he was 11. Not to say he wasn’t ever around them occasionally but he didn’t have friends until H.ogwarts. James and S.irius (and peter but this isn’t about him) were the first people to befriend him and not only that they found out his secret and didn’t shun him for it. R.emus became super dependent on those friendships after that which isn’t a bad thing in itself but it would have been healthier had JKR wrote him actually making other close friends because he was reliant on his small group of friends to ever be himself around them. The reason this grew unhealthy was with the bullying. R.emus helped with the harmless pranks that got on teachers nerves but he was never cruel. He sat out. Tried to ignore that it was happening because he was terrified of losing the first people his age to accept him for what he was if he spoke out against them too much. That’s not healthy. Friendships shouldn’t make you go against your moral code like this and you can’t tell me that R.emus didn’t take being a prefect serious. He would do just about anything for D.umbledore and didn’t want to let him down after he helped him get into H.ogwarts. He was more terrified of losing friendships than he was proving D.umbledore right for supporting him.

This being said. I do think the maturity that would have come with them all aging would have made things a hell of a lot better. Getting out of the highschool clique mentality and all that. James and S.irius are not bad people they were stupid kids and as adults I like them a lot more. I just really don’t support bullying and therefore can’t stand M.arauders Stans because wow most of them act like James and S.irius never did anything wrong. I do wish we could see more of the M.arauder’s times because we really don’t see anything but a few tense and awful things when I know they had to have had a lot happier and uhhhh less shitty things they did. I do think they were good friends and I love them but I also just don’t like cliques.

Also Stans and Antis of both the M.arauders and S.nape tire me out so much. I am comfortably in the middle acknowledging that every single member of both sides did shitty things. I do hold Remus accountable for not doing his prefect duties better even if I understand why he was hesitant to. But Anti’s need to still remember that all these boys were --- boys. It’s not a ‘Boys will be boys’ thing its a people grow up and change and none of us are the same as we were when we were kids so stop acting like these acts define these people??? To the Stans I say this: get over yourself. Stop acting like your fav is perfect. They’re not. Accept their flaws and show how they’ve grown from them or developed as a character instead of pretending they’re not that much of a flaw. FLAWS ARE GOOD. FLAWS MAKE US HUMAN. Don’t ignore shitty actions. Look back on them and look on your fav as they are now or would have been in the case of James. 

[kyloren]

«you have witchcraft in your lips» —famous!Bughead

When Jughead Jones and Betty Cooper were cast as leads for HBO’s Harry Potter prequel show Magic is Might, they thought they did not know each other. They were wrong.

note: this is a collaborative work between myself and @lilibug--xx. I wrote Jughead’s POV and she Betty’s. Be warned, we are each other’s betas, too. 

read it on ao3. 

��A dress made of air and webs and you,

The wet dreams evaporate as they come true.

To anyone else just endless blue,

An invisible kite string connects me to you.”

— Pieces of Sky by Beth Orton.

CHAPTER ONE: mr jones and me, we’re gonna be big stars…

@Variety: HBO picks up four pilot episodes, including Toni Topaz’s Harry Potter prequel project.

@Deadline: Up-and-coming musical director Kevin Keller branches off from theatre and confirms working on Harry Potter prequel series with HBO — Magic is Might.

@EntertainmentNews: BREAKING NEWS: Disney darling Veronica Lodge officially casted as one of the leads in Kevin Keller’s upcoming Marauders Era project — Magic is Might.

@Buzzfeed: You will not believe who was just confirmed to be cast in Magic is Might! 

@CherryBombshell: To all my loyal, beautiful followers: Of course, I got the part. How could they not cast moi?

@NZHerald: Singer-songwriter Archie Andrews is rumoured to be involved with HBO’s Magic is Might.

@Deadline: Magic is Might Harry Potter prequel series finds its Sirius Black: “He walked in right off the street and I knew — that is our Sirius Black,” says showrunner, Kevin Keller.

@EntertainmentNews: HBO’s Magic is Might just cast its Remus Lupin, and it’s a very interesting choice.

@Buzzfeed: Magic is Might’s Remus Lupin is now — Remmy Lupin?!

.

.

.

.

THE WAYWARD PRINCE:

The thing about Jughead Jones — he was weird, and he liked to be weird.

Jughead Jones was the following things: adroit wordsmith, razor-sharp, and a smart-mouthed asshole. He was not, however, the sort a teenage girl’s dreams were made of. He was a little too tall and a little too angular with a face that was a little too fond of scowling to be conventionally attractive. He had two girlfriends in the span of his entire life, and first one he’d acquired when he was nine for the span of two days. He was akin to a scalpel — sharp-edged, clinical, and very good at cutting people out of his life.

Except, Sabrina.

Never Sabrina.

And because of Sabrina — he was here, regretting everything.

“This,” Jughead grumbled for the nth time, “is all your fault.”

“Yes,” Sabrina agreed, throwing a dusky-blue button-down at him with a glare that clearly conveyed wear this or else, “it is my fault that you’ve landed the biggest television role of this year. I apologise for being magnificent.”

Jughead snorted. “Potter is the lead.”

“Who cares? Sirius is obviously meant to be the hot one. That makes his role the bigger fish. And you,” Sabrina said, tilting his head sideways and inspecting the carelessly casual style she arranged his hair in (read: brushed once and let it air-dry), “cousin-german, will soon be smiling from a poster on every pubescent girl’s wall and be the main feature in their dreams.”

“If it’s all the same to you,” Jughead’s scowl grew deeper, a feat he had not imagined was achievable before he’d done it. “I’d rather not.” 

Two hours later, two thirds of which were spent navigating L.A.’s atrocious traffic, Jughead found himself lounging in a deceptively comfortable egg chair in a Hollywood studio, waiting to proceed with the first script reading session with the rest of Magic is Might cast. Sabrina, primly perched to his right, was scanning the others over the brim of her rapidly cooling coffee cup with shrewd, pale-grey eyes, as Jughead lazily thumbed through the script.

“Stop eyeing them like you want to wear their faces as a mask, Ree,” he muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

“I am so not. I’m eyeing them like I want to make a fashionable skin suit, obviously. Get your facts straight, Jones.”

Here was the thing; — Jughead firmly believed that if you did something, you better put your best foot forward from the start; to do your very best at everything you undertook and not half-ass it simply because it required effort. (Life required effort, Jughead often reminded himself, if it didn’t it wouldn’t be so damn difficult.)

This stance seemed at odds with his disaffected and cynical slacker persona, but what could Jughead say — he was contrary like that. He could remain apathetic and be a pedantic perfectionist at heart; he had layers, like a lasagna.

But precisely that sort of attitude had landed him the lead role in Magic is Might as Sirius Black.

It had happened nine days ago, when Jughead had accompanied Sabrina to her second audition for Magic is Might — she had failed to get Lily Evans’s role and was trying out for Narcissa Black. Jughead was there for emotional support, for the sort of get your shit together, you walking waste of space pep-talks Sabrina and he excelled at. He was there to permit his hand to be crushed in a vice grip as she waited for her name to be called, and to take her to Wildflower Café by their apartment to gorge on breakfast foods and stuff their faces with toasted marshmallow milkshakes in the face of another disappointment.

Jughead Jones was, by profession, a screenwriter; he wrote seven plays, one of which had been actually made into a film. He was not an actor. The universe disagreed, however. Kevin fucking Keller disagreed, too, apparently, because the moment Jughead had walked up to a dumbfounded-looking Sabrina after her audition — handkerchief at the ready, just in case — he’d been spotted by Kevin fucking Keller’s eagle-eyed stare. Kevin fucking Keller who’d taken one look at Jughead, pointed his finger at him and with eyedrum piercing snap, barked out, “You, there — in here, now.” and Sabrina, that fucking traitor, had pushed him forward into the audition room.

It was serendipitous he knew the script like the back of his hand, having practiced with Sabrina until they were blue in the face, it was also fortuitous his reaction in the face of sheer audacity was to fall back on his most defining traits — sarcasm and generally all-around fuck-you attitude.

Both, as it had turned out, were great characteristics for one Sirius Black.

So here he was, Forsythe Pendleton Jones the third, newly minted actor extraordinaire with no education about the craft and enough talent, according to Keller, to fill the Pacific ocean and then some — out of his depth, and feeling utterly displaced.

It was a peculiar feeling, foreign and unwelcome — Jughead hated it with the blazing ebullition of pure abhorrence.

“Hey,” Sabrina called, soft as a whisper, placing her hand on his knee, stilling it. Jughead hadn’t realised his left leg had been bouncing. “Relax, bro-bro.”

Jughead opened his mouth to reply something along the lines of Shut it, hambone, but was interrupted when a tall shadow of a small person fell across his lap.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mad Max himself,” commented a small, red-headed girl on berry-red charged murder-weapons on the lam from the law and thus posing as women’s footwear. “So, tall, dark, and inexperienced, how does it feel to finally be in the real show biz?”

There was a refractory set to Jughead’s clenched jaw, so Sabrina answered in his stead, snickering, “I don’t know Big Red, you tell us?”

The girl’s exceedingly red mouth was reset out of its perpetually sullen pout into a grimace of distaste. “For a virtual nobody, you sure have a mouth on you, Emily Strange.”

There were four rules Jughead Jones instinctively followed whenever he chose to speak: Was he being rational? Was he being truthful? Were his words necessary? Were they kind? Often times, if he had not met all of his criteria, Jughead would settle on keeping his silence a while longer.

This, was not such a time.

“Is that all you can do,” Jughead found himself rasping out, “try your utmost to diss people with painfully obvious references? You’re not doing a very good job, are you?”

“You’re a pretty cool customer, huh?”

“I hide my inner pain underneath a stoic visage,” Jughead quipped. Cheryl Blossom looked like would like nothing more than to dig her red-tipped claws into Jughead’s stoic visage.

“Hey, guys,” said a guy in corduroy slacks and a blue-yellow varsity jacket of all things; he was average-height, but with a Heroic Build identifying him as James Potter material. There was a hint of admonishment in his tone, but not enough to reign anyone in. “We’re supposed to be getting along…”

Jughead was utterly unsurprised when he was promptly ignored.

Big Red sneered down on them and with a snazzy flip of gloriously red hair, pointedly perched on the corner of the oval table. Then, she extended a bedazzled with a shape of a cherry phone Jughead didn’t realise she held in front of her on a selfie-stick, and with that godawful pout, began, “See, my lovely cherries, when presented with a choice between either Tim Burton Junior and his blonde Fran Bow or a ginger Kelly Clarkson, Cheryl Bombshell has no choice but to choose herself. I certainly hope their acting is better than their personalities because those are as parched as a dry spell.”

“Oi, Cherry Bomb!” a female producer barked sharply, the one with pink-striped hair and a punk attitude, “don’t fucking live blog a closed script reading, you imbecile!”

“Don’t call me that!” Cheryl Blossom snarled, teeth unnaturally white against the vivid red of her mouth. “How are my cherries supposed to know what I’m doing at any given moment if I don’t blog about it?”

“I don’t know,” Jughead grumbled, too low to be heard by anyone but Sabrina, who promptly elbowed him in the ribs, “maybe try not to seek validation from a faceless mass of people online?” said the kettle to the pot, he mentally added.

The woman with the pink hair was even shorter than Cheryl, but when she stood up, she cut an impressively intimidating figure nonetheless. “This,” she growled, “is what we get for casting a bloody Instagram starlet.”

“She’s a solid choice, Toni,” Keller admonished, softly, gingerly prying away her fingers off his bicep, “she can act and her hair is iconic. What more could we ask for?”

“A fucking professional attitude for one. And maybe,” Topaz, that was her name, Jughead finally remembered, pointedly shouted in red-head’s direction, “not to always pout like she’s about to suck dick.”

Cheryl Blossom looked up from the highly-focused examination of her razor-sharp talons she’d been performing and pouted. “I don’t suck dick on sheer principle, you grotsky little byotch.”

Varsity Jacket raised his hands in placation. “Okay, seriously, maybe you should—”

“Toni, go smoke a fag and find your chill,” cut in Keller, and her hand immediately shot up, giving him the middle finger, but she left the room nonetheless. “And Cheryl, take it down a notch. I’m serious, you hear me?”

Cheryl turned away from him with a huff, but she hadn’t said anything. Instead, she began typing away furiously on her phone.

Huh, thought Jughead.

Kevin Keller was not a tough guy, he noticed, he did not have a commanding presence. Even Varsity Jacket drew more attention to himself with his ridiculous floppy hair, freckled face, and All-American attitude. But, Jughead decided, Kevin Keller understood women. With that in mind, Jughead settled back in his chair, reading over the script yet again.

It was fifteen minutes later when Toni Topaz strode into the room, her combat boots practically abusing the dotted, grey linoleum with the force of her steps, not looking an iota less stressed. “Fuck it,” she announced, “if we wait anymore for those two, we’ll get behind schedule.”

“All right, then,” Keller said, clapping his hands, “places, everyone.”

Like the asshole she was, Sabrina took the seat assigned to him, next to Varsity Jacket, and switched their name planks with a wink. Jughead had neither the inclination nor the naiveté to question her choices, so he dragged the chair he had been sitting for the last half-an-hour towards the table by its back, and positioned himself on Sabrina’s left, straightening the SIRIUS BLACK plaque so it was uniformly aligned with all the others.

The plague before a lounging Cheryl Blossom did not read BITCH FROM HELL, much to Jughead’s surprise, instead, it said — LILY EVANS.

A thought streaked across the forefront of his mind: We are all royally fucked.

Varsity Jacket’s named turned out to be Archie Andrews. Jughead knew that now because the first words out of that kid’s mouth were, quite literally, “Hey, there. I’m Archie Andrews, I’m eighteen, you may know me from last year’s 16 Birthday Wishes, and I look forward to working with ya all.”

Jughead could not have conjured this kid up had he even tried. He shared a concerned glance with Sabrina who mouthed, is he for real? and Jughead only had the energy to shrug. Yeah, he decided, he could see this Archie Andrews as one James Potter. If he squinted.

Cheryl Blossom did not introduce herself. She scowled at all of them, even poor golden retriever puppy personified Andrews, called them philistines, and proceeded with reading her lines. Interesting development: she could act. Expected conclusion: she packed too much malice into her lines and came of as passive aggressive. Keller had to intermediately correct her. That was, however, a correctable quality she could redeem herself from with enough effort; or so Sabrina had said, Jughead’s inescapable, little-devil-on-the-shoulder-type expert on all things acting™.  

When it was his turn to read, Jughead did what he had always done when he read out loud his scripts during editing: tried his damndest not to stutter, keeping his voice smooth and even, and detached himself from the situation, rendering himself utterly impervious to nerves and apprehension. It was not Jughead Jones who had been reciting the script from memory as the lines printed on paper streamed before his eyes in a confusing, maddening swirl — it had been Sirius Black doing all those things; teasing his friend James, flirting with prim and proper Lily, arguing with Narcissa.

Disassociating might have kept Jughead’s anxiety at bay, but it made Sirius Black come alive.

So, of course, once Jughead had gotten into the swing of things, the universe rained on his parade: the door slammed open, revealing two girls standing on the other side of its frame.

“Oooops,” said the shorter one, her dark hair reflecting light attractively as she stode in the room. She had not sounded particularly sorry, Jughead noticed. “Apologies, hadn’t meant to barge in quite so—”

“Veronica,” Toni cut in, as bitingly as a wolf, “you were supposed to be here half-an-hour ago!”

“That late, huh,” muttered Veronica assumingly Lodge, flipping her wrist to check the slim, diamond-encrusted watch on her left hand. “Apologies, Toni, darling, but L.A. traffic is simply odious, as you well know. Got held up.”

“By what — appearance of abominable snowman in the middle of Franklin Avenue?”

“Not quite,” Veronica replied, a sly not-quite smile settling on her face, “Betty and I—”

“Of course, you had hamstrung Cooper, too.” Toni cast a dirty look over Veronica’s shoulder at a willowy, nervous-looking blonde still hesitating in the doorway. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you there, princess.”

“Well, as I was saying, Betty and I,” continued Veronica Lodge, bulldozing over Toni completely and out of the corner of his eye, Jughead could see Call Me Archie Andrews’s jaw unhinge a little, “were late completely by accident, but it was all my fault. Let’s just say, a Lodge doesn’t always land on their feet.

“Still, I had to amend such an insufferable grievance,” Veronica smiled, charmingly, still sly as a fox. “Imagine how tickled pink I was to learn we are not only headed into the same building, but for the same script reading—”

“To which you are late; both of you,” grumbled Toni, but she seemed to have lost most of her heat. Kevin was rubbing her shoulders soothingly as she massaged her temples. Momentarily, Jughead wondered if she was prematurely grey beneath all that pink dye.

“—long story, short: Betty here,” Veronica said, stepping back and drawing the taller girl into her side. “Is my new BFF and I love her to pieces.”

“From a five minute meeting,” Kevin asked, corner of his mouth twitching.

“Boo, you whore,” teased Veronica, earning an unexpect snort from Sabrina, “it’s love at first sight. Don’t judge.” Then:

“You there,” Veronica snapped her fingers in the direction of a fish-eyed assistant Jughead took care to ignore — she’d been making moon-eyes at him, according to Sabrina, and there were times to be wary of his cousin’s advice, but not in instances such as this one. “Fetch me a skinny venti white mocha, one shot, with two pumps of sugarfree vanilla, no whip — pronto. I can’t think clearly without my daily recommended injection of sugar and caffeine.”

Immediately, the situation dissolved into absolute bedlam as everyone clamoured for Ginger’s attention to place their coffee order, too. She’s a sly one, Jughead thought for the third time, smart, too.

Here was the thing about Jughead Jones: he was an objective observer of life, not an active participator. An introvert and a borderline misanthrope, he regarded the world from a safe distance of cool, clinical detachment — he watched and he recorded and he understood because he noticed enough to pay attention in the first place; he was perceptive, and he used this to his advantage. 

And as if enticed by a magnetic pull, Jughead’s eyes drifted towards the leggy blonde to his right. The first thing he noticed her was this — she was uncomfortable. The second was that she was seemed nervous, displaced; and third — well, she was making her way towards him.

This girl, however, was totally throwing him for a loop.

She was dressed in a diaphanous, intricately embroidered, sapphire-coloured blouse, and when she shifted to pull out her chair, Jughead could see her laced brassiere through the silk material. Unexpectedly, she sat next to him, across from a plaque reading REMMY LUPIN. She had a striking look — blue-eyed and golden-haired with a face like a porcelain doll’s; wide-eyed, lovely, and haunting in its stillness. I met a lady on a moor, Jughead though, aureate hair, refulgent eyes; a dancing, starry sprite.

“Hi,” she greeted, turning to him, face splitting into a blooming, honeyed smile, white teeth gleaming, the streaming sunlight from the window behind them set her braid into a molten blaze, “I’m Betty.”

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THE DREAMER:

“Three creams, two splenda, please.”

Betty Cooper was already running (hopefully, fashionably) late; not exactly a good first impression. She had woken up behind schedule (she had sort of fallen into the black hole that was Tumblr, recently, and had taken to staying up late); her cat, Caramel, had thrown up all over the kitchen floor. One side of her hair had dried flatter than the other — she was never going to bed straight from the shower ever again. And her uber had been running behind. Fantastic, she had uttered when finally arriving at the address given. The time on her phone alerting her that she should would have been inside already, had her morning gone accordingly, sipping on her coffee without a care in the world.

Well, that last bit was a stretch. If you asked anyone who knew her, they would say without a doubt that, Betty Cooper cared too much, about everything.

It was kind of her thing, though. Betty had a profound sense of perseverance and applied it to anyone in need of help that she came across. Polly (her older sister and recently, albeit somewhat regrettably, her manager) akined it to her being like a new mother, babying her fresh-faced ducklings. It often impeded her own desires and well-thought out plans.

Betty was a goner for a schedule. She could plan her day like nobody’s business — rarely did it ever actually go according to plan though. She would describe herself as being meticulous bordering the edge of perfectionist — Betty actually detested that word. Being in control of the situation, however, gave her life.

This was all new to her though, at least, fairly. Acting, that is.

She had been on edge of booking a flight back to San Francisco for what seemed like months. With only $200 to her name, and a can of cold soup sitting like a rock in her belly, Betty had auditioned for a role in Magic is Might. She had been failing auditions for months, her savings account was gone, and she was exhausted from working two menial jobs in order to have money to even go to auditions.

So, by all accounts, Betty figured an extra boost of caffeine was in order to make it through the whirlwind day that had been plotted ahead. A table read with her cast mates of Magic is Might, who she had yet to meet, was slotted for the whole day. As well as some promotional pictures of the group. The whole thing came together rather quickly for an HBO show, as she understood. Betty would be forever grateful that they hadn’t found anyone for the part of Remus Lupin yet.

Somehow, her name had been misspelled (she wanted to glare at Polly) and they thought it had said Elizander, on her papers. Whoever had been manning the audition hadn’t done a thorough look-through at the time and had barely looked up at her, just shooed her through the door. They seemed desperate.

To be fair, she hadn’t realized that the part of Remus was male. Of course, she had read the Harry Potter books, who hasn’t? But Polly had simply implored her to get her ass to this audition, without much else to go on.

Everyone had stared at her when she entered the room, but the guy in the middle of the group seated before her had stood up, planting his hands on the table with a loud smack.

“Excuse me, this isn’t —”

“No, excuse me, but that was incredibly rude.” A blush bloomed across her chest, streaking upwards, despite her outward display of confidence. “I’m here to audition, so let me audition before turning me away.”

It turns out that the man was Kevin Keller, one of the showrunners. Betty had desperately wanted to curl into a ball from mortification when she found out, but instead she had been engulfed in a hug while he had exclaimed “Such fire!”, and had let her do the audition.  

They had complimented her afterwards. Apparently she had an inner voice that matched Remus’s suppressed darkness à la werewolf unequivocally. They were going to change the character and rework the script for her. Betty was unperturbed usually, but she had been floored by their sentiments.

Now, granted, they had done the same thing for the character of Snape, but that was for Veronica Lodge — ex-disney starlet who had bowed out of the limelight for several years only to return and turn everyone’s heads when she demanded the part of Severus Snape.

Betty mussed her life was going to be very different from here on out (assuming the show gets picked up after the contingent episodes), but she was looking forward to not cringing every time they ran her card through a register. She loved food, and coffee was a vice she wasn’t willing to give up.

In L.A. there seemed to be a Starbucks on just about every godforsaken block, so she had been thankful there was one conveniently close to the building she was now ardently walking toward. Betty was practically jogging as she took a sip of her drink, the mouthful of cold coffee was sweet and creamy. It was really refreshing — had she not just spilled it all over her shirt when someone plowed into her shoulder, jarring the cup from her hand.

Betty had stood frozen in place, her muscles turning tense as she panicked. Of course she had worn her favorite outfit today. Her pale pink sweater was now sticking to her skin uncomfortably, but thankfully there were only a few drops on her jeans — the dark color of them would prevent a stain from being noticeable, but her sweater…

“Oh my god, fuck, I am so sorry.”

Betty looked up from where she was still staring at her coffee soaked front, hand crushing the now empty cup. She blinked owlishly at the girl who had spoken. A dark haired girl with an equally empty cup, however stain free clothes — impeccable, by the way, in front of her. Small hands covered in white lace gloves (really? The urge to roll her eyes was strong) were reaching out for her and grabbing hold of her arm, gently albeit forcefully. Betty had no choice but to be tugged along and out of the path of the ravenous L.A. goers on the sidewalk.

“It’s… fine, really,” Betty hadn’t wanted to use the word, but there wasn’t anything else on the tip of her tongue. “I’m running late to my read through anyway, I should —”

Veronica interrupted her, raising her impeccably arched brows even higher. “Read through? As in, script?”

Nodding, Betty looked up to the tall glass front building they were almost in front of. She had been so close…

“Well, I think we’re headed to the same place then. Veronica Lodge,” the raven haired girl extended her glove covered hand and Betty raised her hand that wasn’t a sticky mess to shake it. Veronica continued, “pleasure to meet you…” she trailed off and Betty interjected.

“Betty Cooper.”

“Betty, allow me to offer you a new blouse, I simply can’t let you in there like that.”

Betty had started to shake her head, fingers itching to reach up and tighten her ponytail, but alas, she realized, she had worn her hair in a loose braid that brushed the edges of her collarbone. “No, that’s okay, you don’t have to do that.” she waved a hand, tossing her empty cup into the trash bin they had stopped by.

“I insist. Come,” it wasn’t up for debate anymore, that white glove grabbing Betty’s wrist again and pulling her toward a sleek black car that was parked some spaces down. “Don’t worry about being late, if we both are then they really can’t do anything about it."

Betty was surprised that the words didn’t sound pretentious coming from the other girls mouth, but humble. Veronica had pulled her inside the car, instructing her to pull the door closed. She hesitated before doing so, the door shutting with a soft click. She never thought being in a car alone with Veronica Lodge would ever be on her agenda, but here she was, with a collection of delicate tops spread over their laps that were distinctly not at all Betty’s style.

But beggars couldn’t be choosers.

Her green-blue eyes examined the choices carefully, taking in the price tags still dangling from them. Her throat was dry, her swallow surely audible. Everything was more-than-her-rent expensive. Plucking the one with the smallest numbers up, a transparent (okay maybe she had made a mistake here…) sapphire-blue blouse with colorful embroidered flowers, “This one is great,” she smiled at Veronica.

“Oh, excellent choice. Can’t go wrong with Derek Lam 10.”

She scrunched her nose up, fingering the material. Veronica had leant back against the seat, arms crossed expectantly. Betty glanced around to the car windows. “You want me to change here?”

“I expect you, too, yes.”

Betty sucked in a breath of courage and peeled off the stained sweater. Thankfully, her white (unlucky, she had decided) lacy bralette would be suitable underneath the barely-considered-a-shirt. She felt Veronica’s dark eyes on her, watching as she slipped the garment on over her head. Betty tugged it down gently, it only hit the top waist of her jeans.

Veronica reached out a hand to snap the price tag off, tossing it into the empty front seat. “There, oh you have to keep it, it looks perfect on you.”

The blonde smoothed a hand down her somewhat exposed stomach, wishing she were thinner or more toned. “Sure. Thanks, Veronica.”

“You’re quite welcome, darling. Nothing bores friendship quicker than the sharing of clothes and gossiping over boys. So one down, one to go.”

Betty couldn’t help the smile blooming across her face at Veronica’s words. She could use a friend. L.A. had been a lonely place the past two years, which did nothing to help her anxiety.

“Of course, I’m looking forward to it. We’ll be spending a lot of time together after all.”

The other girl smiled back, tucking glossy black hair behind her ear. “Indeed, we might as well make the best of it.” she paused, checking the fancy was fastened around her delicate wrist. “We are incredibly late now, darling. We had better hurry along before Toni sinks her teeth into us.”

Betty nodded, climbing out the car door as gracefully as she could with shaking hands. Veronica had saddled up to her side, linking their arms together as they walked. Feeling a burst of adoration for the girl Betty felt she had wrongly judged in the past (she grew up watching Disney channel, after all) she vowed not to judge any of the other actors based on the same principle.

The ease of being by Veronica’s side made her nerves calm until they were in front of the appropriate conference room door. A wicked smirk graced the raven-haired girl’s features and she disentangled their arms. A dainty platform heeled foot kicked the door in with surprising force for such a small girl.

It had Betty stepping back, hiding away from the doorframe a ways, eyes darting around the room and taking in the scene. It looks like they had already started the read through, and the ball of nerves in her stomach started to grow again.

She did not think it would ever leave her.

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tbc.

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note: Title comes from Shakespeare’s Henry V: “You have witchcraft in your lips, Kate. There is more eloquence in a sweet touch of them than in the tongues of the whole French council.” Chapter title comes from Mr. Jones by Counting Crows. 

[lilibug--xx]

》you have witchcraft in your lips《

—famous!Bughead

When Jughead Jones and Betty Cooper were cast as leads for HBO’s Harry Potter prequel show Magic is Might, they thought they did not know each other. They were wrong.

note: this is a collaborative work between myself and @strix. I wrote Betty's’s POV and she Jughead’s. Be warned, we are each other’s betas, too. 

read it on ao3. 

“ A dress made of air and webs and you,

The wet dreams evaporate as they come true.

To anyone else just endless blue,

An invisible kite string connects me to you.”

— Pieces of Sky by Beth Orton.

CHAPTER ONE: mr jones and me, we’re gonna be big stars…

 @Variety: HBO picks up four pilot episodes, including Toni Topaz’s Harry Potter prequel project.

@Deadline: Up-and-coming musical director Kevin Keller branches off from theatre and confirms working on Harry Potter prequel series with HBO — Magic is Might.

@EntertainmentNews: BREAKING NEWS: Disney darling Veronica Lodge officially casted as one of the leads in Kevin Keller’s upcoming Marauders Era project — Magic is Might.

@Buzzfeed: You will not believe who was just confirmed to be cast in Magic is Might!

@CherryBombshell: To all my loyal, beautiful followers: Of course, I got the part. How could they not cast moi?

@NZHerald: Singer-songwriter Archie Andrews is rumoured to be involved with HBO’s Magic is Might.

@Deadline: Magic is Might Harry Potter prequel series finds its Sirius Black: “He walked in right off the street and I knew — that is our Sirius Black,” says showrunner, Kevin Keller.

@EntertainmentNews: HBO’s Magic is Might just cast its Remus Lupin, and it’s a very interesting choice.

@Buzzfeed: Magic is Might’s Remus Lupin is now — Remmy Lupin?!

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THE WAYWARD PRINCE:

The thing about Jughead Jones — he was weird, and he liked to be weird.

Jughead Jones was the following things: adroit wordsmith, razor-sharp, and a smart-mouthed asshole. He was not, however, the sort a teenage girl’s dreams were made of. He was a little too tall and a little too angular with a face that was a little too fond of scowling to be conventionally attractive. He had two girlfriends in the span of his entire life, and first one he’d acquired when he was nine for the span of two days. He was akin to a scalpel — sharp-edged, clinical, and very good at cutting people out of his life.

Except, Sabrina.

Never Sabrina.

And because of Sabrina — he was here, regretting everything.

“This,” Jughead grumbled for the nth time, “is all your fault.”

“Yes,” Sabrina agreed, throwing a dusky-blue button-down at him with a glare that clearly conveyed wear this or else, “it is my fault that you’ve landed the biggest television role of this year. I apologise for being magnificent.”

Jughead snorted. “Potter is the lead.”

“Who cares? Sirius is obviously meant to be the hot one. That makes his role the bigger fish. And you,” Sabrina said, tilting his head sideways and inspecting the carelessly casual style she arranged his hair in (read: brushed once and let it air-dry), “cousin-german, will soon be smiling from a poster on every pubescent girl’s wall and be the main feature in their dreams.”

“If it’s all the same to you,” Jughead’s scowl grew deeper, a feat he had not imagined was achievable before he’d done it. “I’d rather not.”

Two hours later, two thirds of which were spent navigating L.A.’s atrocious traffic, Jughead found himself lounging in a deceptively comfortable egg chair in a Hollywood studio, waiting to proceed with the first script reading session with the rest of Magic is Might cast. Sabrina, primly perched to his right, was scanning the others over the brim of her rapidly cooling coffee cup with shrewd, pale-grey eyes, as Jughead lazily thumbed through the script.

“Stop eyeing them like you want to wear their faces as a mask, Ree,” he muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

“I am so not. I’m eyeing them like I want to make a fashionable skin suit, obviously. Get your facts straight, Jones.”

Here was the thing; — Jughead firmly believed that if you did something, you better put your best foot forward from the start; to do your very best at everything you undertook and not half-ass it simply because it required effort. (Life required effort, Jughead often reminded himself, if it didn’t it wouldn’t be so damn difficult.)

This stance seemed at odds with his disaffected and cynical slacker persona, but what could Jughead say — he was contrary like that. He could remain apathetic and be a pedantic perfectionist at heart; he had layers, like a lasagna.

But precisely that sort of attitude had landed him the lead role in Magic is Might as Sirius Black.

It had happened nine days ago, when Jughead had accompanied Sabrina to her second audition for Magic is Might — she had failed to get Lily Evans’s role and was trying out for Narcissa Black. Jughead was there for emotional support, for the sort of get your shit together, you walking waste of space pep-talks Sabrina and he excelled at. He was there to permit his hand to be crushed in a vice grip as she waited for her name to be called, and to take her to Wildflower Café by their apartment to gorge on breakfast foods and stuff their faces with toasted marshmallow milkshakes in the face of another disappointment.

Jughead Jones was, by profession, a screenwriter; he wrote seven plays, one of which had been actually made into a film. He was not an actor. The universe disagreed, however. Kevin fucking Keller disagreed, too, apparently, because the moment Jughead had walked up to a dumbfounded-looking Sabrina after her audition — handkerchief at the ready, just in case — he’d been spotted by Kevin fucking Keller’s eagle-eyed stare. Kevin fucking Keller who’d taken one look at Jughead, pointed his finger at him and with eyedrum piercing snap, barked out, “You, there — in here, now.” and Sabrina, that fucking traitor, had pushed him forward into the audition room.

It was serendipitous he knew the script like the back of his hand, having practiced with Sabrina until they were blue in the face, it was also fortuitous his reaction in the face of sheer audacity was to fall back on his most defining traits — sarcasm and generally all-around fuck-you attitude.

Both, as it had turned out, were great characteristics for one Sirius Black.

So here he was, Forsythe Pendleton Jones the third, newly minted actor extraordinaire with no education about the craft and enough talent, according to Keller, to fill the Pacific ocean and then some — out of his depth, and feeling utterly displaced.

It was a peculiar feeling, foreign and unwelcome — Jughead hated it with the blazing ebullition of pure abhorrence.

“Hey,” Sabrina called, soft as a whisper, placing her hand on his knee, stilling it. Jughead hadn’t realised his left leg had been bouncing. “Relax, bro-bro.”

Jughead opened his mouth to reply something along the lines of Shut it, hambone, but was interrupted when a tall shadow of a small person fell across his lap.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mad Max himself,” commented a small, red-headed girl on berry-red charged murder-weapons on the lam from the law and thus posing as women’s footwear. “So, tall, dark, and inexperienced, how does it feel to finally be in the real show biz?”

There was a refractory set to Jughead’s clenched jaw, so Sabrina answered in his stead, snickering, “I don’t know Big Red, you tell us?”

The girl’s exceedingly red mouth was reset out of its perpetually sullen pout into a grimace of distaste. “For a virtual nobody, you sure have a mouth on you, Emily Strange.”

There were four rules Jughead Jones instinctively followed whenever he chose to speak: Was he being rational? Was he being truthful? Were his words necessary? Were they kind? Often times, if he had not met all of his criteria, Jughead would settle on keeping his silence a while longer.

This, was not such a time.

“Is that all you can do,” Jughead found himself rasping out, “try your utmost to diss people with painfully obvious references? You’re not doing a very good job, are you?”

“You’re a pretty cool customer, huh?”

“I hide my inner pain underneath a stoic visage,” Jughead quipped. Cheryl Blossom looked like would like nothing more than to dig her claws red-tipped into Jughead’s stoic visage.

“Hey, guys,” said a guy in corduroy slacks and a blue-yellow varsity jacket of all things; he was average-height, but with a Heroic Build identifying him as James Potter material. There was a hint of admonishment in his tone, but not enough to reign anyone in. “We’re supposed to be getting along…”

Jughead was utterly unsurprised when he was promptly ignored.

Big Red sneered down on them and with a snazzy flip of gloriously red hair, pointedly perched on the corner of the oval table. Then, she extended a bedazzled with a shape of a cherry phone Jughead didn’t realise she held in front of her on a selfie-stick, and with that godawful pout, began, “See, my lovely cherries, when presented with a choice between either Tim Burton Junior and his blonde Fran Bow or a ginger Kelly Clarkson, Cheryl Bombshell has no choice but to choose herself. I certainly hope their acting is better than their personalities because those are as parched as a dry spell.”

“Oi, Cherry Bomb!” a female producer barked sharply, the one with pink-striped hair and a punk attitude, “don’t fucking live blog a closed script reading, you imbecile!”

“Don’t call me that!” Cheryl Blossom snarled, teeth unnaturally white against the vivid red of her mouth. “How are my cherries supposed to know what I’m doing at any given moment if I don’t blog about it?”

“I don’t know,” Jughead grumbled, too low to be heard by anyone but Sabrina, who promptly elbowed him in the ribs, “maybe try not to seek validation from a faceless mass of people online?” said the kettle to the pot, he mentally added.

The woman with the pink hair was even shorter than Cheryl, but when she stood up, she cut an impressively intimidating figure nonetheless. “This,” she growled, “is what we get for casting a bloody Instagram starlet.”

“She’s a solid choice, Toni,” Keller admonished, softly, gingerly prying away her fingers off his bicep, “she can act and her hair is iconic. What more could we ask for?”

“A fucking professional attitude for one. And maybe,” Topaz, that was her name, Jughead finally remembered, pointedly shouted in red-head’s direction, “not to always pout like she’s about to suck dick.”

Cheryl Blossom looked up from the highly-focused examination of her razor-sharp talons she’d been performing and pouted. “I don’t suck dick on sheer principle, you grotsky little byotch.”

Varsity Jacket raised his hands in placation. “Okay, seriously, maybe you should—”

“Toni, go smoke a fag and find your chill,” cut in Keller, and her hand immediately shot up, giving him the middle finger, but she left the room nonetheless. “And Cheryl, take it down a notch. I’m serious, you hear me?”

Cheryl turned away from him with a huff, but she hadn’t said anything. Instead, she began typing away furiously on her phone.

Huh, thought Jughead.

Kevin Keller was not a tough guy, he noticed, he did not have a commanding presence. Even Varsity Jacket drew more attention to himself with his ridiculous floppy hair, freckled face, and All-American attitude. But, Jughead decided, Kevin Keller understood women. With that in mind, Jughead settled back in his chair, reading over the script yet again.

It was fifteen minutes later when Toni Topaz strode into the room, her combat boots practically abusing the dotted, grey linoleum with the force of her steps, not looking an iota less stressed. “Fuck it,” she announced, “if we wait anymore for those two, we’ll get behind schedule.”

“All right, then,” Keller said, clapping his hands, “places, everyone.”

Like the asshole she was, Sabrina took the seat assigned to him, next to Varsity Jacket, and switched their name planks with a wink. Jughead had neither the inclination nor the naiveté to question her choices, so he dragged the chair he had been sitting for the last half-an-hour towards the table by its back, and positioned himself on Sabrina’s left, straightening the SIRIUS BLACK plaque so it was uniformly aligned with all the others.

The plague before a lounging Cheryl Blossom did not read BITCH FROM HELL, much to Jughead’s surprise, instead, it said — LILY EVANS.

A thought streaked across the forefront of his mind: We are all royally fucked.

Varsity Jacket’s named turned out to be Archie Andrews. Jughead knew that now because the first words out of that kid’s mouth were, quite literally, “Hey, there. I’m Archie Andrews, I’m eighteen, you may know me from last year’s 16 Birthday Wishes, and I look forward to working with ya all.”

Jughead could not have conjured this kid up had he even tried. He shared a concerned glance with Sabrina who mouthed, is he for real? and Jughead only had the energy to shrug. Yeah, he decided, he could see this Archie Andrews as one James Potter. If he squinted.

Cheryl Blossom did not introduce herself. She scowled at all of them, even poor golden retriever puppy personified Andrews, called them philistines, and proceeded with reading her lines. Interesting development: she could act. Expected conclusion: she packed too much malice into her lines and came of ass passive aggressive. Keller had to intermediately correct her. That was, however, a correctable quality she could redeem herself from with enough effort; or so Sabrina had said, Jughead’s inescapable, little-devil-on-the-shoulder-type expert on all things acting™.  

When it was his turn to read, Jughead did what he always did when he read out loud his scripts during editing: tried his damndest not to stutter, keeping his voice smooth and even, and detached himself from the situation, rendering himself utterly impervious to nerves and apprehension. It was not Jughead Jones who had been reciting the script from memory as the lines printed on paper streamed before his eyes in a confusing, maddening swirl — it had been Sirius Black doing all those things; teasing his friend James, flirting with prim and proper Lily, arguing with Narcissa.

Disassociating might have kept Jughead’s anxiety at bay, but it made Sirius Black come alive.

So, of course, once Jughead had gotten into the swing of things, the universe rained on his parade: the door slammed open, revealing two girls standing on the other side of its frame.

“Oooops,” said the shorter one, her dark hair reflecting light attractively as she stode in the room. She had not sounded particularly sorry, Jughead noticed. “Apologies, hadn’t meant to barge in quite so—”

“Veronica,” Toni cut in, as bitingly as a wolf, “you were supposed to be here half-an-hour ago!”

“That late, huh,” muttered Veronica assumingly Lodge, flipping her wrist to check the slim, diamond-encrusted watch on her left hand. “Apologies, Toni, darling, but L.A. traffic is simply odious, as you well know. Got held up.”

“By what — appearance of abominable snowman in the middle of Franklin Avenue?”

“Not quite,” Veronica replied, a sly not-quite smile settling on her face, “Betty and I—”

“Of course, you had hamstrung Cooper, too.” Toni cast a dirty look over Veronica’s shoulder at a willowy, nervous-looking blonde still hesitating in the doorway. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you there, princess.”

“Well, as I was saying, Betty and I,” continued Veronica Lodge, bulldozing over Toni completely and out of the corner of his eye, Jughead could see Call Me, Archie Andrews’s jaw unhinge a little, “were late completely by accident, but it was all my fault. Let’s just say, a Lodge doesn’t always land on their feet.

“Still, I had to amend such an insufferable grievance,” Veronica smiled, charmingly, still sly as a fox. “Imagine how tickled pink I was to learn we are not only headed into the same building, but for the same script reading—”

“To which you are late; both of you,” grumbled Toni, but she seemed to have lost most of her heat. Kevin was rubbing her shoulders soothingly as she massaged her temples. Momentarily, Jughead wondered if she was prematurely grey beneath all that pink dye.

“—long story, short: Betty here,” Veronica said, stepping back and drawing the taller girl into her side. “Is my new BFF and I love her to pieces.”

“From a five minute meeting,” Kevin asked, corner of his mouth twitching.

“Boo, you whore,” teased Veronica, earning an unexpect snort from Sabrina, “it’s love at first sight. Don’t judge.” Then:

“You there,” Veronica snapped her fingers in the direction of a fish-eyed assistant Jughead took care to ignore — she’d been making moon-eyes at him, according to Sabrina, and there were times to be wary of his cousin’s advice, but not in instances such as this one. “Fetch me a skinny venti white mocha, one shot, with two pumps of sugarfree vanilla, no whip — pronto. I can’t think clearly without my daily recommended injection of sugar and caffeine.”

Immediately, the situation dissolved into absolute bedlam as everyone clamoured for Ginger’s attention to place their coffee order, too. She’s a sly one, Jughead thought for the third time, smart, too.

Here was the thing about Jughead Jones: he was an objective observer of life, not an active participator. An introvert and a borderline misanthrope, he regarded the world from a safe distance of cool, clinical detachment — he watched and he recorded and he understood because he noticed enough to pay attention in the first place; he was perceptive, and he used this to his advantage. 

This girl, however, totally threw him for a loop.

And as if enticed by a magnetic pull, Jughead’s eyes drifted towards the leggy blonde to his right. The first thing he noticed her was this — she was uncomfortable. The second was that she was seemed nervous, displaced; and third — well, she was making her way towards him.

The girl was dressed in a diaphanous, intricately embroidered, sapphire-coloured blouse, and when she shifted to pull out her chair, Jughead could see her laced brassiere through the silk material. Unexpectedly, she sat next to him, across from a plaque reading REMMY LUPIN. She had a striking look — blue-eyed and golden-haired with a face like a porcelain doll’s; wide-eyed, lovely, and haunting in its stillness. I met a lady on a moore, Jughead though, aureate hair, refulgent eyes; a dancing, starry sprite.

“Hi,” she greeted, turning to him, face splitting into a blooming, honeyed smile, white teeth gleaming, the streaming sunlight from the window behind them set her braid into a molten blaze, “I’m Betty.”

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THE DREAMER:

“Three creams, two splenda, please.”

Betty Cooper was already running (hopefully, fashionably) late; not exactly a good first impression. She had woken up behind schedule (she had sort of fallen into the black hole that was Tumblr, recently, and had taken to staying up late); her cat, Caramel, had thrown up all over the kitchen floor. One side of her hair had dried flatter than the other — she was never going to bed straight from the shower ever again. And her uber had been running behind. Fantastic, she had uttered when finally arriving at the address given. The time on her phone alerting her that she should would have been inside already, had her morning gone accordingly, sipping on her coffee without a care in the world.

Well, that last bit was a stretch. If you asked anyone who knew her, they would say without a doubt that, Betty Cooper cared too much, about everything.

It was kind of her thing, though. Betty had a profound sense of perseverance and applied it to anyone in need of help that she came across. Polly (her older sister and recently, albeit somewhat regrettably, her manager) akined it to her being like a new mother, babying her fresh-faced ducklings. It often impeded her own desires and well-thought out plans.

Betty was a goner for a schedule. She could plan her day like nobody’s business — rarely did it ever actually go according to plan though. She would describe herself as being meticulous bordering the edge of perfectionist — Betty actually detested that word. Being in control of the situation, however, gave her life.

This was all new to her though, at least, fairly. Acting, that is.

She had been on edge of booking a flight back to San Francisco for what seemed like months. With only $200 to her name, and a can of cold soup sitting like a rock in her belly, Betty had auditioned for a role in Magic is Might. She had been failing auditions for months, her savings account was gone, and she was exhausted from working two menial jobs in order to have money to even go to auditions.

So, by all accounts, Betty figured an extra boost of caffeine was in order to make it through the whirlwind day that had been plotted ahead. A table read with her cast mates of Magic is Might, who she had yet to meet, was slotted for the whole day. As well as some promotional pictures of the group. The whole thing came together rather quickly for an HBO show, as she understood. Betty would be forever grateful that they hadn’t found anyone for the part of Remus Lupin yet.

Somehow, her name had been misspelled (she wanted to glare at Polly) and they thought it had said Elizander, on her papers. Whoever had been manning the audition hadn’t done a thorough look-through at the time and had barely looked up at her, just shooed her through the door. They seemed desperate.

To be fair, she hadn’t realized that the part of Remus was male. Of course, she had read the Harry Potter books, who hasn’t? But Polly had simply implored her to get her ass to this audition, without much else to go on.

Everyone had stared at her when she entered the room, but the guy in the middle of the group seated before her had stood up, planting his hands on the table with a loud smack.

“Excuse me, this isn’t —”

“No, excuse me, but that was incredibly rude.” A blush bloomed across her chest, streaking upwards, despite her outward display of confidence. “I’m here to audition, so let me audition before turning me away.”

It turns out that the man was Kevin Keller, one of the showrunners. Betty had desperately wanted to curl into a ball from mortification when she found out, but instead she had been engulfed in a hug while he had exclaimed “Such fire!”, and had let her do the audition.  

They had complimented her afterwards. Apparently she had an inner voice that matched Remus’s suppressed darkness à la werewolf unequivocally. They were going to change the character and rework the script for her. Betty was unperturbed usually, but she had been floored by their sentiments.

Now, granted, they had done the same thing for the character of Snape, but that was for Veronica Lodge — ex-disney starlet who had bowed out of the limelight for several years only to return and turn everyone’s heads when she demanded the part of Severus Snape.

Betty mussed her life was going to be very different from here on out (assuming the show gets picked up after the contingent episodes), but she was looking forward to not cringing every time they ran her card through a register. She loved food, and coffee was a vice she wasn’t willing to give up.

In L.A. there seemed to be a Starbucks on just about every godforsaken block, so she had been thankful there was one conveniently close to the building she was now ardently walking toward. Betty was practically jogging as she took a sip of her drink, the mouthful of cold coffee was sweet and creamy. It was really refreshing — had she not just spilled it all over her shirt when someone plowed into her shoulder, jarring the cup from her hand.

Betty had stood frozen in place, her muscles turning tense as she panicked. Of course she had worn her favorite outfit today. Her pale pink sweater was now sticking to her skin uncomfortably, but thankfully there were only a few drops on her jeans — the dark color of them would prevent a stain from being noticeable, but her sweater…

“Oh my god, fuck, I am so sorry.”

Betty looked up from where she was still staring at her coffee soaked front, hand crushing the now empty cup. She blinked owlishly at the girl who had spoken. A dark haired girl with an equally empty cup, however stain free clothes — impeccable, by the way, in front of her. Small hands covered in white lace gloves (really? The urge to roll her eyes was strong) were reaching out for her and grabbing hold of her arm, gently albeit forcefully. Betty had no choice but to be tugged along and out of the path of the ravenous L.A. goers on the sidewalk.

“It’s… fine, really,” Betty hadn’t wanted to use the word, but there wasn’t anything else on the tip of her tongue. “I’m running late to my read through anyway, I should —”

Veronica interrupted her, raising her impeccably arched brows even higher. “Read through? As in, script?”

Nodding, Betty looked up to the tall glass front building they were almost in front of. She had been so close…

“Well, I think we’re headed to the same place then. Veronica Lodge,” the raven haired girl extended her glove covered hand and Betty raised her hand that wasn’t a sticky mess to shake it. Veronica continued, “pleasure to meet you…” she trailed off and Betty interjected.

“Betty Cooper.”

“Betty, allow me to offer you a new blouse, I simply can’t let you in there like that.”

Betty had started to shake her head, fingers itching to reach up and tighten her ponytail, but alas, she realized, she had worn her hair in a loose braid that brushed the edges of her collarbone. “No, that’s okay, you don’t have to do that.” she waved a hand, tossing her empty cup into the trash bin they had stopped by.

“I insist. Come,” it wasn’t up for debate anymore, that white glove grabbing Betty’s wrist again and pulling her toward a sleek black car that was parked some spaces down. “Don’t worry about being late, if we both are then they really can’t do anything about it.“

Betty was surprised that the words didn’t sound pretentious coming from the other girls mouth, but humble. Veronica had pulled her inside the car, instructing her to pull the door closed. She hesitated before doing so, the door shutting with a soft click. She never thought being in a car alone with Veronica Lodge would ever be on her agenda, but here she was, with a collection of delicate tops spread over their laps that were distinctly not at all Betty’s style.

But beggars couldn’t be choosers.

Her green-blue eyes examined the choices carefully, taking in the price tags still dangling from them. Her throat was dry, her swallow surely audible. Everything was more-than-her-rent expensive. Plucking the one with the smallest numbers up, a transparent (okay maybe she had made a mistake here…) sapphire-blue blouse with colorful embroidered flowers, “This one is great,” she smiled at Veronica.

“Oh, excellent choice. Can’t go wrong with Derek Lam 10.”

She scrunched her nose up, fingering the material. Veronica had leant back against the seat, arms crossed expectantly. Betty glanced around to the car windows. “You want me to change here?”

“I expect you too, yes.”

Betty sucked in a breath of courage and peeled off the stained sweater. Thankfully, her white (unlucky, she had decided) lacy bralette would be suitable underneath the barely-considered-a-shirt. She felt Veronica’s dark eyes on her, watching as she slipped the garment on over her head. Betty tugged it down gently, it only hit the top waist of her jeans.

Veronica reached out a hand to snap the price tag off, tossing it into the empty front seat. “There, oh you have to keep it, it looks perfect on you.”

The blonde smoothed a hand down her somewhat exposed stomach, wishing she were thinner or more toned. “Sure. Thanks, Veronica.”

“You’re quite welcome, darling. Nothing bores friendship quicker than the sharing of clothes and gossiping over boys. So one down, one to go.”

Betty couldn’t help the smile blooming across her face at Veronica’s words. She could use a friend. L.A. had been a lonely place the past two years, which did nothing to help her anxiety.

“Of course, I’m looking forward to it. We’ll be spending a lot of time together after all.”

The other girl smiled back, tucking glossy black hair behind her ear. “Indeed, we might as well make the best of it.” she paused, checking the fancy was fastened around her delicate wrist. “We are incredibly late now, darling. We had better hurry along before Toni sinks her teeth into us.”

Betty nodded, climbing out the car door as gracefully as she could with shaking hands. Veronica had saddled up to her side, linking their arms together as they walked. Feeling a burst of adoration for the girl Betty felt she had wrongly judged in the past (she grew up watching Disney channel, after all) she vowed not to judge any of the other actors based on the same principle.

The ease of being by Veronica’s side made her nerves calm until they were in front of the appropriate conference room door. A wicked smirk graced the raven-haired girl’s features and she disentangled their arms. A dainty platform heeled foot kicked the door in with surprising force for such a small girl.

It had Betty stepping back, hiding away from the doorframe a ways, eyes darting around the room and taking in the scene. It looks like they had already started the read through, and the ball of nerves in her stomach started to grow again.

She did not think it would ever leave her.

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tbc.

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