#also why is Andrew Remus like huh???

[lleaudau]

I’m sorry but I really dislike the fan casts for the characters in the Marauders era… Like Ben Barnes is NOT Sirius… There is NO way Remus Lupin would EVER look like Andrew Garfield. Do not even get me started on Timothée Chalamet as Regulus Black. And Dane Dehaan (I think it changed but I still see some edits of him) as Peter Pettigrew? Really? Who decided these fancasts and I’m sorry but— why did everyone agree to them? Is it because all those actors are hot so it doesn’t matter if they look like their casted characters or not?

[darkboysroadtrip]

Howdy y’all it’s been a hot sec since I asked something but since you’re in the library any one got a favorite book? —🌦️

"Ah, books" Logan smiles, "who doesn't like a good riveting story?"

"Fantastical and whimsical! I love getting lost in a world not our own" Roman muses.

"And they taste great!" Remus says.

"Don't... don't ruin this for us" Roman mutters impassively.

Remus pokes Romans cheek, "Silly. Little. Guy." He reiterates from the last ask.

Roman smacks his brothers finger away from his face, despite the action Roman has a mirthful smile.

"Shush, we're talking artistry! And I have to admit, I never actually have had a favorite book before, I know I know! But reserve your judgements! I can just never choose!" the back of his hand flies to his forehead.

"But!" He brightens up, "that all changed *last month! When I randomly bought a book offline, I absolutely adore it! I didn't put it down all night!"

The others are patiently waiting for him to actually say the name of this book, but as he is Roman - it might take a few more sentences.

"Such Exquisite Calamity" (or not) he says the words like he's savouring them, "that is the name of this book -such an elegant title- I'm not going to give anything away either, you guys read it for yourselves."

"You may want to tell them the author if you want them to read it" Logan points out.

"Oh! right yes, that... that would probably be helpful" he nods, "that would be Sydnie Beaupré, I do hope more is in the works."

"I'm sure there will be more, don't worry" Logan pats Roman's chest comfortingly, "I do have to agree with you on it being hard to choose a favorite though, considering there are so many wonderful books out there. But I stand firm with Agatha Christie's: The Murder of Roger Akroyed."

"Oh that's a good one" Annie compliments.

"IIIIIIII have a favorite book" Remus says.

Everyone looks to him.

He does not elaborate.

"And that would be...?" Logan prompts.

"I'm sure you'd looooove to know huh?" Remus mocks.

"I can live not knowing" Logan assures.

"Fine! I'll tell ya! The Summer I Died by Ryan C Thomas, there's two more in the series but" Remus shrugs, "they're not as good as the first."

"So your favorite book is not part of your favorite series?" Patton asks.

Remus looks at him, he blinks a few times, "I don't have a favorite series."

"So just that one book?" Patton sounds even more confused.

"Nah, I like most splatterpunk and horror stuff, true crime is a fun read too."

"Okay, I can see that."

"Yeah and what about you big daddy?" Remus asks.

"Don't call him that" Roman and Logan say at the same time.

"Boo, no fun" Remus pouts.

"Ignoring that" Patton says carrying on, "my favorite would have to be Good Omens, I also really love The Notebook."

"He cries every time he reads The Notebook" Roman tells everyone, "it's kind of amazing how much it's a tear jerker for him - adorable too."

"It's just so sad" Patton says quietly, "so sad."

Roman softly paps Patton's cheek, "I know sweet cakes."

"It is just so hard to choose a favorite book as was said before" Dee pipes in, "I myself like to pick up a wide variety of the classics, you can't beat the classics."

"Yeah if 'the classics' mean putting a slipcover of Shakespeare over a trashy harlequin novel then sure" Remus mutters.

Dee splutters "I don't, you- Remus please, I can't believe you'd insinuate" -he sighs- "yeah fine, I like the most trashy of harlequin novels, sooooo sue me" he crosses his arms in a huff.

"Tell them why" Virgil nudges him.

"I... okay, I got into them when I was quite young -my mother was the one who actually liked them to begin with- I just picked one of hers up one day and didn't stop."

"But, that's not all you read" Virgil points out.

"That is true, my favorite author is V.C Andrews."

"You don't have to lie about what you like" Virgil tells him.

"You're right, and it's your turn to tell them yours."

Virgil's soft smile turns rigid for a second now that the spotlight is on him but he calms down quickly.

"I mean, that's no problem, my favorite series is Skulduggery Pleasant, it's amazing and cool and a little messed up at times but ultimately it's fun."

"Ooooh yeah I like those too" Remus agrees.

"What about you Annie?" Logan asks the attention turning to her.

She waves her hands about, "I'm a librarian, I couldn't possibly choose."

"Fair enough."

[Asks are always appreciated!! (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ ]

[* by last month Roman means May of 2020]

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

what if the original four Marauders went through some sort of magic mirror and met their fancast actors? and like Timothee (Regulus) is like "oh yeah you're from these Harry Potter books" and they're like "we're from what now" and so Remus reads them while Timothee gets his agent to call Andrew (Remus), Aaron (James), Ben (Sirius), Sophie (Lily), Louis (Severus), and Dane (Peter) and bring them down here and after he's done with the books Remus is just like "these can't be about us" and Timothee's like "why not" and (this takes place in fifth year or something) Remus is like:

"Peter would never betray us

I would never let Sirius stand without a trial and I would never believe he did that

James is with Lily, yes, but also Severus and Regulus and he would never leave them

Lily would never leave Severus, she would choose him over James in a heartbeat

Sirius would never leave Regulus at the Blacks’

Regulus and Severus would never join Voldemort

There are seven Marauders, obviously

I would never marry someone who wasn’t Sirius, I could never love anyone else

Regulus would never not tell us about the Horcruxes

NONE of us would allow ANY child, ours or otherwise, suffer like Harry did (or like Draco did)"

and Timothee is like "huh good point I guess you'll just have to make different choices then" and somehow they find a way to go back home and are like "well fuck that jk lady's reality we're writin' our own books bitch" and they all live gayly ever after I don't know I'm really tired -

[moonyswriting]

Heart and Soul

@peggyrose19 and @wonder-womans-ex had their birthdays over a month back and I didnt manage to make them a gift. but I still wanted to make you something because I wont just drop it after I missed the day. so this is for you two. you are incredible and talented people and I'm honoured I get to call myself your friend. I hope you'll like it.

characters by @lumosinlove

thank you for beta reading @moonofthenight

Chapter 1

“Final seconds of the second period on the clock, Frank. The Saint’s going for the goal again, passing Tremblay and going straight in Nutty’s direction-”

“And that was a hit on Leo Knut, by the Hollow’s Saint’s winger Andrew Kline. And now, the expected punches follow. Marly, they could have really seen Logan and Finn coming, right?” “Definitely, Frank. No team likes it when someone fights with their goalie but these two seem to be particularly protective of our sunshine boy. Tremzy is already throwing punches at Ethan Bart and I can see O’Hara skating over to them.”

“Oh and here comes Luke. Throwing off his gloves and joining his teammates. Maybe with all those uncovered wrists we could actually get a chance to see some soulmate tattoos again. Last one spotted was Kasey Winter’s almost two years ago now, spelling out Natalie, the name of his girlfriend. They still seem to be going strong; I’m happy for them. That incident did however get most of the players to cover their wrists up,” Frank waited for a second before continuing, “How’s the fight? Looks like we got a big one tonight, eh?”

“It is! We’ve got three people from each team fighting at the moment, but the Refs are pulling them apart now. Coach Weasley doesn’t look too happy that his players are risking injuries for fights again. He’s calling a few over now and I do not want to be on the receiving end of Arthur’s wrath, believe me.”

“Same here, Marlene. Huh, that was weird. Did you see that?”

“It was. Loops just had to shake DV so he’d move. He had stared a hole into the ice and didn’t react to the Coach or his teammate. Haven’t seen him do that before. Hopefully, he’ll be fully focused again after the break.”

“I’m hoping it wasn’t a bad hit. The Lions really don’t need another injury right now.”

“Especially after only just getting Finn back from his small wrist injury that didn’t allow him to play the last two games.”

“Yeah. We’ll keep everyone updated of course. I’m sure he’s being checked right now.”

“In the meantime, there were some fantastic plays in there. It would be quite nice for the players to have a good game before some of them get to have a break.”

“Yes, All Star week is next week and we’ll be seeing a few of the Lions there, such as the newly wedded Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, but also last year's MVP Logan Tremblay, of course.”

“I’m excited Frank! We’ll be right back after a quick break for the second period.”

-

Luke was still feeling off after the fight, going through the questions Layla asked him on autopilot. No, he wasn’t hurt, there was neither pain there nor there, yes, he could still remember his address and full name.

Their new PT seemed at a loss. She could see that he was acting very strange and, honestly, she was getting worried about forgetting some usually obvious injuries for his behaviour. There was only so much a human could guess, so she simply asked.

“What happened out there, Deveaux?”

It took a moment for Luke to register he was being addressed, mumbling a “nothing” before continuing to stare at the wall. How stupid did this boy think she was? 

Letting out a sigh, she clarified, “I just need to know if you’re injured or not,” after a second of hesitation Kayla added, “but if there’s something bothering you or just occupying your thoughts, you can always go talk to Heather. She’s helped a few of your teammates too.”

She watched his expression while telling Luke. Some guys were embarrassed of going to therapy. There was no reason to be, of course. No one got shy about having the PT check on them but when it came to mental struggles, they somehow believed they have to handle it all alone. Society and the messed up way of thinking that they teach children, honestly. She was glad they at least had some people on the team who encouraged visiting Heather any time they saw someone struggling. She knew Sirius really did help them a lot by being so open about going to her office at least once a week.

There really was no way to tell how Luke thought about her proposal, he certainly seemed to be thinking, but there was no way to determine what about. Suddenly Luke broke the silence.

“Can I go?”

Since Layla hadn’t found any injuries and she couldn’t really do more than encourage him to visit Heather, she let him leave.

The brunette was out of the room the second after the words had left her mouth.

--

They had won. The locker room was already buzzing, the mandatory playlist echoing into the hallway. After their last game against the Saint’s, which they had lost, the whole team was even more excited about having won. There was even some kind of dance match between Logan and Sirius going on, not that Luke noticed. He had been a bit off for the rest of the game, much to the dismay of Coach Weasley. That got him to spend most of his time on the bench in the last period, but he didn’t mind. For once, hockey was not his main concern, not even during this game.

He had seen it. When number 7 had thrown off his gloves for the fight, there it had been in black cursive. A soulmate tattoo, spelling out “Luke”. Of course "Luke" didn’t necessarily mean Luke as in himself, but there was still a possibility.

A possibility that his soulmate was a Saint. A Saint. He would have been happy with almost anyone, but no, it had to be an ice hockey player. He didn't care about the gender. Luckily he wouldn't even have to hide a relationship between him and a potential boyfriend because of Remus and Sirius. But a Saint? Even in his thoughts, he knew he was whining. The real problem was that they would not only live miles apart and would have practically no time for each other half of the year, but they would be opponents. In ice hockey, the other team is the enemy. He couldn't befriend the enemy and he definitely couldn't date the enemy. Even if he wanted, he'd be blamed for not playing as hard as he could or making exceptions when it came to his hypothetical boyfriend.

So really, dating a Saint was not an option.

Still, his curiosity got the better of him. If this was really his soulmate, no matter how much he didn't want him to be, he had to know.

Standing up, he made his excuses and slipped into the hallway, running along until he got to the other team's locker room.

Great plan, idiot, what will you do now?! You can’t just go in and ask in front of everyone.

Then a group of people stepped out, each looking at Luke as if he had a kick-me sign on his forehead and as if they were considering it. Quite a few had walked past him and when one held open the door for his teammate, Luke could see that there were only three people left in the room. No time better than now, he told himself, gathering some of his Lion courage and walked straight inside.

“The fuck, Lion?!”, one of the players mumbled while he left the room too, shortly followed by the other player that wasn’t the one Luke had been looking for.

He took a deep breath. The tattoo wouldn't refer to him. Of course it wouldn't. Why would it be a Saint, really. Stepping closer to the boy lacing up his shoes, Luke's eyes met a pair of brown ones, looking up through gold curls.

“Why are you here?”, the other asked, narrowing his eyes and standing up to be on eye level with the Lion.

Oh, the charm of rivalry, always straight to the point, no need for formalities.

“Do you want to brag about catching up? Hate to break it to you, but you’re not in the lead and we’ll win the next one anyway.”

Even though his words sounded confident, he leaned back and knocked on the wood of the benches.

“No,” the brunette stated, looking him dead in the eyes. This boy had activated Luke's competitiveness so there was no turning back, “to both. We’ll just win as we did today. Last time was luck and you know it.”

The other raised an eyebrow at him. “The only thing that was luck last time was that you got a goal.”

The nerve this person had. Here he was, coming to actually try to talk to him and possibly get to know him to find out about the tattoo and just got insults in return. Luke was about to shoot something back when the door opened again.

“Babe, you coming?”

[trashyswitch]

The Auction

Nico is running an auction to see who might buy some animatronics. Sure enough, tons of people come! Especially parents with kids!

For everyone featured in the fanfic!

I hope you all enjoy!

“Patton: The fatherly animatronic. He can make ice cream, he can run with the kids! He’s been programmed to hug and develop friendships with all children. He can teach good life lessons! And he can even make balloon creatures for them.” Nico explained.

“And...Roman?” The person asked.

“Aah, yes. Roman is a fighter. He’s a stage actor with a love for being the hero! And his sketchy brother, with the iron mace. They are not sold separately.” Nico told them.

“Interesting...How much is Patton on for?” The person asked.

“$5000.” He replied.

“Hm...Not bad.” The person looked at Patton curiously and smiled. “Does he have any flaws?” The man asked.

“There have been instances of following the kids home till he shuts down...And there have been moments when he hugs too hard. But other than that, he’s in really good shape.” Nico told him.

The guy smiled and placed a hand onto Patton’s cheek. Suddenly, Patton closed his eyes. “Awww…”

The man gasped and pulled his hand away. “Oh god he’s on?!”

Nico giggled. “He is on, sir.”

Patton looked at the guy and smiled. “I’m Patton! You can call me Pat if you want.” Patton explained.

“Yes. He also goes by Pat if that’s easier. He’ll even scan mispronounciations of his name and react to those as well.” Nico explained. “An example of this is ‘Pabbin.”

“Yes?” Patton turned his head to Nico.

“See?” Nico smiled, patting his shoulder. “He’s a good one.”

Patton giggled and hugged Nico eagerly.

Patton let Nico go and looked at the other person there. “And what’s your name?” Patton asked the person.

“I’m Violet.” They introduced.

“Ooooh! Like purple!” Patton declared, clapping his hands and jumping up and down.

“Yeah, like purple. I like green too.” Violet told him.

Patton gasped and turned to Remus. “Ooooh REEEMUUUUS!”

Violet widened their eyes. No way…

“Violet likes green!” Patton declared.

Remus looked down at his own clothes and fist pumped the air. “YESSSS!”

Violet giggled at this reaction.

“Wise competition for the GREEEEEN!” Remus said, running up to the two of them with his mace in hand.

“Is this real?” Violet asked Remus.

Remus ripped it from her hands. “Yes! And no touchy!” Remus ordered.

“Remus, be nice! Or else you’re not gonna get sold.” Nico ordered.

“Have you ever considered that maybe I don’t wanna be sold to a stranger?” Remus asked.

Patton walked around the auction, looking around for the kids. Suddenly, one of the kids ran up to the animatronic!

“Awww! Hello little girl! And what’s your name?” Patton asked.

“Ashy!” She replied.

“Ashy, huh? Like Ashy, dashy flashy?” Patton teased.

Ashy giggled into her hand.

“My name is Patton!” The animatronic told her. “Say, are you ticklish by any chance?” Patton asked.

“Noooo!” She giggled.

“Noooo? Are you sure about that?” Patton teased before poking her sides and belly.

Ashy giggled and laughed as she backed up little by little. “Nohohohoho! Pahahahahat!” Ashy told him.

“Oh, alright.” Patton stopped tickling her and started to stand up. But Patton froze in place the moment someone hugged his leg. Looking down, Patton realized it was Ashy trying to tell him something. “Ihihi didn’t want you to stop…” She admitted.

“Patton smiled widely and picked up the little girl. “Well if that’s the case:” Patton started throwing her up into the air and catching her. After the third catch, Patton started tickling her sides, and ribs. “Tickle tickle tickle tickle tickle!”

Ashy was laughing, snorting and giggling all over the place as she sat in his arms.

Nico was about to intervene, when someone stopped him. “It’s alright. She really likes it.” She told him.

Nico let out a breath of relief. Thank goodness…

Patton soon stopped tickling her and hugged her tightly before giving her a gentle squeeze.

“Yay! Mommy, mommy, can we keep him?” Ashy asked as she was put down.

“Maybe, sweetheart…He’s kinda expensive.” The mom admitted.

“I don’t know hunny…$5000 for an animatronic big forever babysitter is not bad.” her father admitted. “My headphones were crappy and were sold for $300.” He explained.

Patton looked around the auction room at all the tables and posters everywhere. It was so decorated and pretty!

A guy walked up to the broken yellow and grey animatronic. “What does this do?” The person asked.

“Ah, that’s Janus: a...dangerous animatronic, to be honest. He was scrapped after he allowed kids to use knives and matches.” The doctor told him.

“Cooool…” He reacted, grabbing the animatronic. “I like it! How much?”

2500. He’s not nearly as expensive because he’s fairly broken. But if you wanna use him for spare parts-”

“I’m not using him for spare anything.” Alex grabbed his own hat and replaced the wrecked black hat on the animatronic’s head. “I’m gonna fix him up.” Alex told him with a smirk.

Nico walked away before he could get caught up in Alex’s questionable shenanigans.

Roman growled and pushed a person’s hand away.

“This animatronic is threatening…” The person said.

“Yeah...No touching me.” Roman ordered. “Only Nico can touch.”

“Now now, Roman...that’s not how you get buyers.” Nico told him.

“Why don’t you wanna keep us?” Roman asked. “Are we not good enough for you? Or, perhaps too much for you?” Roman asked.

“We’re giving you to actual owners who will wanna keep you for other jobs. See it as adoption.” Nico told him.

“Except I’m being sold for $4000. Why is Patton more expensive than me?”

“Because you’re a little more dangerous than Patton is. And because everyone has been flocking to Patton.” Nico explained.

Roman huffed and looked down.

“I like this one. He’s sassy.” the same person admitted from earlier.

“I do too.” Another person admitted.

“Can I have your names please?” Nico asked.

“Shannon.” The first person said.

“Sayge.” The other person said.

“Alright. I’m putting your names into the hat.” Nico told them, placing two names in.

“Alright.” Shannon told him.

“What does this one do?” Sayge asked.

“He’s a fighter. But he likes other things like costumes. He’s a theatre animatronic.” Nico explained.

“Are they meant to have personalities?”’ Shannon asked.

“Well…”

“Excuse me?!” Roman reacted.

“YES...He was.” Nico replied. “We are quite surprised at how strongly the personalities effect the animatronics, however.” Nico added.

“I see…” Shannon responded.

“Do you have spare swords?” Sayge asked.

“Yes we do.” Nico got Sayge a sword. “What for?”

Sayge ran up to Roman and started dueling with him. “EN GARDE, ROMAN!”

“EN GARDE!” Roman yelled back, perrying the sword.

Shannon giggled at this while Nico sighed in slight annoyance. Of all the things to start during the auction…

Soon, people started flocking up to the human and the animatronic, and started watching with curiosity and excitement. It didn’t take long before people split themselves into separate cheerers. Some of them cheered for Roman, others cheered for ‘Roman’s Foe’.

Roman smiled and winked at Nico before spinning the other sword out of Sayge’s hand. Sayge jumped and put his hands up as Roman pointed his sword to him. “Give up, mortal.”

Sayge, feeling there was no other way out, grabbed onto the sword and pulled it out of his hand. Funnily enough, the sword slid right out of Roman’s grip! It was like he had no grip at all! “How about now?”

Roman widened his eyes and put his hands up. “Okay okay, I give up! I give up! Mercy, oh powerful one! Mercy!” Roman begged.

“Alright.” Sayge smiled and started to bow as cheers filled the room.

Shannon widened her eyes. “Saaaay...this gives me some ideas:” Shannon turned to Nico. “I am a costume designer, and I would like to use Roman as my costume dummy.”

Roman turned to her with his jaw dropped. “DUMMY?! WHO ARE yU CALLING DUMMY?!”

Shannon jumped and put her hands up. “I mean tester! My costume wearer! Or mannequin!” Shannon explained.

“Oh...Continue.” Roman told her.

“Okay…” Shannon hummed and looked back to Nico and Roman. “I would like to take Roman to be my mannequin for my business.” She explained. “Now, is Roman able to be gender neutral in any way?” Shannon asked.

“You can say that, yes. I can give him a more round chin and a different shaped nose, if you prefer.” Nico offered.

“Cause I would like to put dresses onto Roman as well.” Shannon explained.

“DRESSES?!” Roman gasped and clapped his hands. “HECK YES YOU CAN PUT A DRESS ON MY GORGEOUS BODY!” Roman made a sexy pose.

Shannon giggled. “Good! I’ll happily adopt Roman then.” Shannon told Nico.

“Wonderful!”

“HA! I got adopted before Patton!” Roman declared, as if being bought was a challenge. “Take that!”

Shannon handed over the money and started to explain to Roman all that she had planned for the next coming weeks for costumes and acting roles.

Meanwhile, a guy was looking at Logan and quizzing him. “How tall am I?” Andrew asked.

Logan looked at Andrew, looked him up and down and smiled. “You are 164 centimeters, or 5ft 4 inches.” Logan replied.

“Wow! And what is 150 x 38?” Andrew asked.

Logan smiled and turned his head a bit. “5700.”

Andrew grabbed out his calculator, and checked the answer. Sure enough, he was right. “That’s amazing!”

“Logan was a creation made to counteract the manipulative Janus. He knows plenty of facts, can educate many, and has never told a lie.” Nico told Andrew.

“Would you ever consider making Logan a teacher?” Andrew asked.

Nico widened his eyes. “I never thought of that!”

Logan turned to Andrew. “Can you make me a teacher?” Logan asked, sounding unusually eager.

“I can...It’ll take some steps, but it’s worth the try.” Andrew replied. “I think you would make a great teacher. Or a great professor!” Andrew told him.

Logan smiled at the thought.

Andrew soon walked over to the guy working in the back, listening to headphones. “Hey.” Andrew greeted.

The guy removed his earbuds. “Hi, how can I help you?” Virgil asked.

“Oh nothing. Nothing. What are you listening to?” Andrew asked.

“Wanna listen?” he asked.

“Sure!” Andrew replied.

Virgil and Andrew would be seen listening to music through the rest of the auction together. They would even wind up exchanging phone numbers so they could stay connected with each other! Talk about a match made in emo heaven!

Meanwhile, Patton was showing off his hairstyling skills to a lady with long, wavy hair. “And that’s how you do a big bow out of your hair!” Patton told them, showing her the hair-made bow with a mirror.

The girl smiled proudly and showed it off. “You did amazing!” The girl told him.

“Thank you Mela!” Patton replied. “Thanks for being my hair mannequin!” Patton told her.

“No problem!” Mela replied.

Suddenly, an army of kids came sprinting to Patton, knocking him over. “PAAAATTOOOON!” They shouted!

“Ohohoho myhyhyhy gohohoodnehehess! WOHOHOW!” Patton reacted.

“Really, Fizzy?” Mela asked, referring to one of the kids.

“YES!” Fizz replied. “Is Patton ticklish?” Fizz quickly asked as they clicked a few buttons.

Patton giggled and squirmed a bit, but widened his eyes as he felt his sensitivity increasing more and more! What in the world-

“Hey! Get off him! Be careful what you’re clicking!” Nico ordered.

“There’s arrows for sensitivity! Uuuup-” The kid kept clicking the up arrow, throwing Patton into laughter and hysterics. At first it felt like nothing. But now it felt like every hair and material on the kids’ skins and clothes were tickling every inch of his body! Patton quickly fell into hysterics.

“Aaaaaand doooowwwn!” The kid said, clicking the arrow button only a couple times. “But we all want Patty’s sensitivity UUUP!” They said happily.

Patton laughed and giggled hysterically as he was tickled and doggy piled by kids. “GUHUHUHUHUYS! PLEHEHEHEHEHEASE!” Patton begged.

“Off off off off off.” Nico ordered. “I will not have Patton get broken by a bunch of evil kids.”

“EEEVIL?!” Fizz smirked and casually walked away. As Nico started walking away, Fizz grabbed his foot and pulled, making Nico faceplant the ground! Nico squealed and yelled loudly for the kid to let go while Fizz whistled innocently and tickled his foot.

“AAAEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHE! KIHIHIHID WAHAHAHAHAIT!”

“Yeah! Cheer up old man!” Fizz teased.

“Tickle Patton!” a kid declared.

“Lee Patton!” Ashlee declared, having joined the group.

“Senit ivee’tee!” a toddler said.

Patton and Nico both bursted out laughing as kids started piling on the robot and the human, and started tickling, tickling, tickling! It was probably really embarrassing for Nico’s case. But for Patton, this was all part of the job. Kids just loved being silly and playful! And he was created perfectly for the kiddies!

Roman got a recording of the whole thing, and sent it to Virgil through text.

[How much you wanna bet Patton’s gonna be sold?]

Virgil looked down at his phone and chuckled while he texted back:

[I bet $10 bucks one of the kids parents buys them.]

...Sure enough, a daycare lady ended up purchasing Patton as a fellow worker at a local daycare! With a little bit of fixing, Patton was gonna be the greatest entertainer!

Sorry Ro!

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Tease

Harry Potter 

Pairings: Sirius Black x Reader 

Summary:  Sirius was too old for you, too dangerous, and had too much baggage. That is until you go on a date with someone else and everything changes.

Rating: M- smut

____

“He’s looking at you again.”

You didn’t even bother looking up at Tonks’ comment. You didn’t have to look up to know that Sirius was looking at you. There was no point in getting excited though.

“Tonks, I already told you that he isn’t interested. He already said that he was, and I quote, I am too old and too dangerous for you. There was some other stuff but I stopped listening at that point. When I heard that I’m too old for you part I stopped being hopeful.”

Tonks rolled her eyes and shot Sirius a scowl.

“I don’t know what the hell he is talking about. The age difference between the two of you is the same as Remus and me. Once we get a hold of Pettigrew, Sirius will be able to be a free man.”

“Yeah, well go tell him that.”

You muttered, trying to focus on the parchment that Madeye had put in front of you. Tonks' eyes rolled up to Remus and gave him a small shrug. What the two hadn’t told neither Sirius nor yourself was the fact that they were trying shamelessly to set the two of you up. So far they weren’t doing so well.

Meanwhile,

Remus watched as Sirius’ eyes stayed locked on you.

“Y/n is very pretty, huh?’

Sirius quickly turned in his friend’s direction.

“What are you two playing at?”

Remus shrugged with a careful grin.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. I simply stated that Y/n is a very pretty young woman. A very pretty single young woman who has had her eye on you for some time.”

Sirius glanced up again. Your violet eyes had rolled up to meet his grey ones briefly before looking away quickly.

“She thinks that I’m an asshole and she doesn’t need someone like me.”

“Someone like you?”

Remus questioned. Sirius wanted to smack Remus. If he wasn’t afraid of hurting his remaining best friend the other man would have been popped.

“I have too much baggage.”

Remus rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, mate. You’re missing a great opportunity. Y/n is kind. She honestly reminds me of her cousin, Lily.”

Sirius sighed. He didn’t want to think about how much that you reminded him of Lily. Maybe that was why Sirius’ heart ached every time that he looked at you.

“Can we not bring James and Lily into this? I don’t want to make them roll over in their graves.”

“I’m tired of telling Y/n that you suffer from asshole disease. She’s going to stop holding out hope for you one day and move on. You’ll be stuck in your bedroom with only your left hand for company.”

It took all that Remus had not to die of laughter at the expression on Sirius’ face.

“Well, I have to get going.”

Your voice pulled both Remus and Sirius from their conversations. Sirius was internally pleading with you to stay.

“Where are you headed?”

Madeye snapped. He hated admitting it but he had taken a fierce paternal liking to you. From the moment your little sunshine self came into his office to be trained as an Auror; Madeye took extra care to be almost a second father.

You sighed, miserably.

“I have a date with some guy.”

All eyes rolled nervously in Sirius’ direction. He was scowling angrily and if it wasn’t for Harry being beside him; Sirius would have been a total drama king and walked out.

“Does this guy have a name?”

Tonks asked, grinning. You shrugged.

“I’m sure he does but I don’t know it. Some girl that really needs to get a life set me up with him.”

“That’s the beginnings of a beautiful relationship.”

Sirius said in an icy tone that made you blush. If he would only grow a pair and ask you to be his girlfriend; you wouldn't have to be going out with these clowns that Tonks set you up with. You could be devoted to Sirius and have the lover that you so desperately wanted.

“I don’t know about beautiful, but he knows that I’m alive. That’s promising.”

Remus quickly came in before Sirius could say something sassy.

“We can make an excuse for you to get out of it. I got hurt. That’s believable.”

“It's okay Remus. The poor fool has been drooling over me for ages. It’s kind of obnoxious. Oh well, I’ll see you all later”

You turned and walked to the doorway followed by Tonks like an over-excited puppy. What you didn’t see was Sirius had slowly followed along too. He remained in the shadows as you pulled on your coat.

“Andrew isn’t that bad.”

Tonks said as she reached out fluffing your red curls. Your eyes rolled up to your friends.

“I haven’t been laid in months. Is it too much to ask for some halfway decent looking guy to just throw me over his shoulder or fuck me against a wall? This guy I’m going on a date with isn’t even cute.

Tonks giggled.

“Well, I am sure we can find you someone...somewhere”

You groaned. Why you had such shitty luck dating was still a mystery? Maybe it was because you worked too much or the fact that you didn’t put up with shit? It could also be the fact that you played tough but wanted some guy to have his way with you and pull the alpha card. Again...not asking for much.

“I’m beginning to think that it will take a miracle. There is hope, however, and it has batteries.”

You were relieved when Tonks continued her laughing fit.

“You’re just adorable...now go spread joy.” You gave her one final scowl before walking out the door muttering about people being crazy and lesbians having the right idea.

The next two hours were the longest and most boring of your life. Andrew asked you literally every question known to wizardkind. Your nickname for him was now “the question man.” Maybe it was Andrew being nervous but he was driving you crazy!

I need to stop comparing every man that I go out with to the man that I want.

You thought after drinking your third cup of coffee.

“So is that your real red hair?”

You looked up at Andrew from your drink.

“Uh, yeah. It came with me when I was born.”

Andrew nodded.

“Does the carpet match the drapes?”

Your mouth dropped at that question. That was the last question that you expected to come out of the man’s mouth. That was something that Sirius would ask to make you blush. Funny how it wasn’t near as witty coming from this man (who probably lived in his mother’s basement).

“Excuse me?”

You asked. Andrew motioned down your body suggestively with his eyes.

“You know...does the carpet match the drapes?”

You stood up and poured what was left of your coffee on the man’s head before storming out of the restaurant.

5 minutes later, you stood outside of Sirius’ house. You were ready to strangle Tonks! The woman was about to get tackled.

When you walked in, you didn’t notice Sirius sitting on the couch as if waiting for you to come back. He quickly stood up knowing that pissed off expression well. After all, he had seen Lily wear it many times.

“You don’t look happy.”

You nodded.

“Good job. Where is my dear friend Nymphadora? She and I are about to fight.”

Sirius closed his book.

“She and Remus are asleep. I take it your date didn’t go so well.”

You started laughing hard. Maybe it was your reaction or not being around other people for some time but Sirius was confused.

“What happened?”

“Well, I went on a date who is now known as the question man. We ended the night by him asking if my red hair was natural and if the carpet matches the drapes. I poured a cup of coffee on his head then stormed out. All in all, it was a lovely evening.”

Sirius only blinked as he took in what you said.

“Well, he kind of asked for what he got.”

You nodded.

“Oh yeah. I am never dating anyone again.”

“So if I asked you to consider being mine the answer would be no?”

That simple question made you freeze in your steps. You turned around looking at Sirius stupidly. He was leaned against the back of the couch with his arms crossed over his chest. You swallowed as you looked him over. Had his black jeans always been that tight and left so little to your already vivid imagination?

“We both know that isn’t going to happen. You have already made your feelings clear.”

You finally replied. Sirius smirked before rolling up the sleeves of the green sweater that he was wearing.

“Maybe I was wrong?”

He suggested. Sirius was going against his better judgment now. You were young, and whether you wanted to admit it or not, innocent. So much for trying to protect you from the negatives of his past. Sirius was ready to throw all of that out the window.

“Yeah, sure. I don’t know if anyone has told you this or not, teasing a girl’s feelings isn’t nice. You aren’t 16 anymore.” Sirius closed the gap between the two of you. His eyes were on your legs. The dress that you wore had been teasing him from the moment that you walked into the room.

“I know how old I am, love. I also know that I want nothing more than to get my hands on you.”

Your eyes were wide. Were you actually hearing this correctly? Sirius was hitting on you! He actually wanted you after all.

“You may just have to prove that.”

You said with a teasing smirk as your upper arms squeezed your breasts together discreetly. Sirius raised an eyebrow. He knew exactly what you were doing and, god damn it, you were winning.

“Why don’t you come here?”

When you didn’t move fast enough, Sirius’ hands were wrapped around your waist pulling your body to him. You moaned into the kiss as his tongue teased yours. How far this was going to go? You weren't sure. All that you knew was you were ready to go as far as Sirius wanted. You didn’t care if anyone walked in on the two of you either.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders as Sirius lifted your leg over his hip.

“I want you.”

You gasped against his lips. Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“Lucky for both of us. I want you too. Now, why don’t you get this dress off and get on my lap.”

When he pulled away from you, you wanted to cry out until it registered what you were instructed to do. You quickly tugged the silver dress that you were wearing off as Sirius yanked his own shirt over his head.

Sirius quickly sat back down on the couch; waiting patiently for that damned dress to come off. He palmed himself through his jeans as he watched the bra and knickers fall to the floor.

“Come here, doll.”

You didn’t wait to be told twice before taking your place on Sirius’ lap. His mouth was on yours in an instant; kissing you hungrily. When he was able to pull away, Sirius smiled at how your lips were already swollen.

“If I didn’t want to be inside of you so badly I could spend hours nestled between your legs. I like the idea of you being a weepy moaning mess.” You rocked your hips against him as Sirius reached between your bodies to undo his belt and jeans.

“I think you are a little bit of a tease.”

You moaned as his mouth wrapped around the nipple of your right breast. Sirius gently nipped the sensitive flesh a few times as he was able to get himself free from his remaining clothing. Your head fell back as Sirius rubbed the head of his cock against your already sensitive clit.

“A tease that knows what he wants.”

Sirius growled. You kissed his nose before getting off of his lap. Sirius looked at you with worried eyes. If you cut off the love supply now; he would be crushed. The moment that you knelt down in front of him to tug his jeans down further; Sirius sighed in relief.

“I have been wanting to feel those pretty lips around me for a long time now.”

He moaned as your mouth closed around him. Sirius closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch.

“That’s a good girl. Damn, you’re good at this.”

You took your time sucking each and every inch. Sirius wrapped his hand in your hair, gently tugging.

“Get back up here. I can’t wait.”

You quickly got up and laid back on the couch. Sirius spread your legs before giving you an eyebrow wiggle.

“Time to make you come, pretty girl.”

The moment that he pushed in the both of you moaned. You lifted yourself off the couch to take as much as he had to offer. Sirius kept his eyes clenched while giving you time to adjust.

“I think that I am going to like spending a lot of time inside you.”

You bit your already swollen lip as you felt incredibly and deliciously full. Sirius remained motionless for a moment before that feral need to make you his returned full force. Your head slammed into the couch as Sirius remained balls deep fucking you as hard and deeply as possible.

“Feel good, baby?”

You could only not. You weren’t coherent enough to put actual words together.

“Fucking you so good that you can’t talk, huh? I can do better than that.”

Sirius increased his pace. Your eyes were rolling back in your head as the knot in your stomach began to form. Sirius closed his eyes as your body began to tighten around him.

“No coming yet.”

He said in a commanding tone before pulling out. You were left a gasping spasming mess as he laid down on the floor. Sirius put his arms behind his head and motioned to his cock.

“Come here and ride me like you mean it. Fuck me sore, baby girl.”

You slid off the couch (more like fell off the couch but who cares) and quickly took your place on top of your lover. Deciding to tease him a bit first, you gently rocked your wet core against the head of his cock. You leaned down gently nibbling your way from Sirius’ lips to his neck. He groaned beneath you.

The realization that he could do this with you every day was a pleasant one. You were as desperate for his touch as Sirius was yours. He was ready to throw whatever reservation that he had about the two of you being in a relationship away. As far as Sirius was concerned, you were now his.

“You like love bites, baby? You’re about to get a lot of them.”

Sirius didn’t even give you time to fully take him in again before flipping you onto your back. You cried out when his cock was back inside fucking your mercilessly. His mouth was one your neck leaving you gasping inaudible words as his teeth bit down on your sensitive flesh.

The knot in your stomach quickly began to form again as Sirius’ own movements became a little more erratic.

“Come on, sweetheart. I’m not lasting much longer.”

You felt what sense of control failed you as Sirius used his middle finger to press firmly on your clit. Two seconds later the two of you were coming apart at the same time. You couldn’t move as the ecstasy flowed through your veins making you feel finally pleased. Sirius meanwhile, continued to lazily rock into you until rolling to his side to cuddle you.

“Believe it or not, I really didn't plan that.”

He said, kissing you gently. Your eyes rolled up to meet Sirius’ gaze.

“I’m glad that it happened and I am fine with it happening as much as you would like.”

Sirius wrapped himself around you as much as possible.

“With you being my girl now, I would hope that it would be that way.”

______

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@thewitchersecretsanta gift for @youkaineko !

Ultimately, this was all Master Varin’s fault.

It hadn’t, Vesemir explained, been mandatory for young witchers to hold a degree until 1990, when Master Varin had returned after spending six years obtaining a Bachelor’s in Chemistry whilst still doing all his… witchering. He had proclaimed the experience “eye opening” and “a good way to get to know humans” and some other bullshit Geralt didn’t fully understand.

Geralt had succeeded in evading the Trial of Uni, as he and Eskel had taken to calling it, for a grand total of two months after his Grasses, until Vesemir had all but scruffed him and dragged him to a computer with UCAS opened up. His only solace in the whole situation was that he and Eskel were applying to all the same universities.

Except then Eskel got a full scholarship to the University of St Andrews, which the trainers weren’t letting him pass up on, and Geralt… didn’t get a place at St Andrews.

Which was how Geralt had ended up at Edinburgh instead. It was still Scotland, at least, so it wasn’t that far from Kaer Morhen over on the Shetland Isles, or Eskel in St Andrews. It was a city, which was… less than desirable, but Geralt could work with that.

He could.

What he wasn’t so sure he could work with was the fucking disaster of a man he had ended up flatmates with. The others seemed alright - Shani and Priscilla gave Geralt his space, and didn’t bother him too much. They didn’t seem to mind that he was a witcher either.

Jaskier, on the other hand…

The best part was, Geralt hadn’t even met Jaskier in the flat. For the first half of his first semester, Room 4 in Flat 12 of College Wynd had remained blissfully unoccupied. Shani and Priscilla did their own thing - Shani was rarely in the flat anyway, being a medicine student with a ridiculously full schedule - and Priscilla spent most of her time doing her theatre society things. The girls were at least kind enough to not throw any parties in the flat, after the time Geralt had nearly murdered Priscilla with a glare for doing so.

No, Geralt met Jaskier outside the dean’s office, of all the possible places.

It was November, and Geralt had heard of some strange, possibly vampiric, activity occurring on the outskirts of Edinburgh, thanks to a contract for a witcher put up by the Metropolitan Police. Unfortunately, he was also the only fully trained Wolf witcher situated anywhere near Edinburgh, and he’d be damned if he let a passing Cat or Griffin or anyone hop in and take the kill. Remus had passed through last week, but he was all the way down in Yorkshire by the time the reports came in. The UK was large, and the Wolf School was only a hundred or so members strong. They didn’t have enough witchers to permanently station anyone in cities, their witchers instead roaming up and down the country.

Also unfortunately, Geralt had about five different assignments due the next week, but the police were getting antsy, nobody could find the stupid vampire, and nobody could even identify it. Geralt had wanted to just get up and leave to take the contract, but Vesemir insisted he had to go ask the dean for permission to miss his classes first, and also for an extension on his assignments, because Melitele knew Geralt might take a while.

So, much to his annoyance, Geralt had ended up sitting outside the dean’s office during one of his free periods, fidgeting and playing with his medallion and his hood pulled over his distinctly white hair, shadowing his cat-slitted eyes. Just because everyone knew he was a witcher didn’t mean he wanted to put himself on show.

Then a tall, slim man wearing a frankly ridiculous red raincoat over an even more ridiculous yellow crop top and absolutely horrifying high waisted jeans and incredibly impractical Ugg boots (it was Scotland, how were his boots not soaked through?) sat down next to Geralt.

“Hi,” he said cheerfully, in an obnoxiously posh accent. “I’m Jaskier.”

“Hmm.” Who named themselves Buttercup in another language?

Jaskier laughed. “Hmm. What an excellent name. I love how you just sit there and… brood.”

Geralt turned pointedly away from him.

“Come on, you can’t keep a man with…” Jaskier waved his hands wildly, “...a screwdriver in his pants waiting.”

That caught Geralt’s attention. “What?”

Jaskier rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Uh, yeah. Say, what are you here for?”

“Absence request,” Geralt said shortly.

“Right, those, yeah,” Jaskier laughed again and sank down in his seat. “I’m uh - well, I may or may not have stabbed my flatmate with a screwdriver while I was putting together this thing from IKEA?”

Geralt stared at him.

Jaskier’s arms flailed again, and he made an odd sound. “He’s okay - unfortunately - he just ended up bleeding a little and started screaming and our RA walked in, and, yeah, I’m here now.”

There was a moment of silence. Geralt… didn’t know what to say to that. He settled for sinking further into his chair.

“...so, uh. What do you need leave permission for?”

“Job.”

Jaskier made an interested sound. “Ooh, cool! I should get myself one of those. What’s your job?”

“Killing monsters.”

“Huh?”

Geralt was saved from having to answer further when the dean opened his door. “Geralt Rivia!” he called. Geralt stood and pulled back his hood.

“Here,” he said gruffly.

Jaskier gasped and leapt to his feet. “Oh my god, I know you! White hair, yellow eyes - you’re that witcher! Jerald Rivia!” Geralt speed walked into the dean’s office. He gave Geralt a confused look, but stepped aside to let Geralt in anyway. “Jerald - hey, wait, that’s how you say your name, right - wait, don’t leave! Hang on! I’m sure you have a treasure trove of stories -”

The dean shut the door, and Geralt sighed in relief. “What was that all about?” the dean asked. Geralt shrugged. “Right. Well then, Geralt, what did you need to see me for?”

Once the dean had granted Geralt his leave with minimal fussing (scary witcher eyes worked wonders), Geralt brushed straight past Jaskier to return to his dorm room, despite Jaskier’s attempts to reach out to him. He had a vampire to track.

***

The vampire, as Geralt now knew two days later, was a katakan. And not just any katakan - an old, experienced katakan who had left Geralt sore, out of Black Blood, and highly toxic. The smarting in his leg told him Swallow or even White Raffard’s was probably called for, but the white hot throbbing of his veins told him White Honey was a much better idea.

Geralt groaned as he stumbled into the flat. Shani and Priscilla were, predictably, asleep - it was four in the morning, after all, but there was a third heartbeat coming from the kitchen. Instantly on high alert, Geralt kept one hand on his steel sword as he opened the kitchen door.

Dancing in front of the countertop was… Jaskier? What was the strange man from the dean’s office doing here? He was dressed in shorts and a loose T-shirt, and, humming, put a metal bowl in the microwave.

“Stop!” Geralt exclaimed. Jaskier yelped and dropped a fork - which had, God help him, been going into the bowl. “What are you doing?”

“Geralt! Is that any way to greet your new flatmate - sorry for getting your name wrong, by the way - hey, what are you doing -” Geralt shoved past Jaskier to yank the bowl out of the microwave and slam it onto the counter. It contained… what might have been mac and cheese. “What are you doing - you’re getting monster guts everywhere!”

“You can’t microwave metal,” Geralt snarled. “It’ll blow up.”

Jaskier blinked once. Twice. “Well. Ah. Thank you for letting me know - you’ve just saved our flat. A true hero. Say, what are you covered in?”

“Katakan.” Geralt stepped away from Jaskier and shrugged off his swords. Jaskier’s eyes trailed them curiously.

“Katakan. So, that’s, what, a type of necrophage?”

“Vampire. Their true form looks like a giant mutated bat but they can disguise themselves as humans, and their healing is slowest when the sun is highest. Violent. Nasty.”

“You don’t say,” Jaskier mumbled, eyeing Geralt thoughtfully. “And what about you? Why are your eyes all… black? Is that your witcher true form or something?”

Geralt… had nearly forgotten about that. He pulled out a White Honey from his belt pouch and chugged it. Immediately, the warmth spread through his veins, and he felt the toxins clear. “Witcher potions. Too much is toxic for even us.”

“Oh wow, your eyes are going back to gold.” Jaskier peered at him curiously, then made a face and leaned away. “You reek. You need a long hot shower. I refuse to live with that stench.”

Geralt’s thoughts came to a grinding halt. “You live here? Since when?”

Jaskier scratched his head awkwardly. “Since, well, yesterday. Because I stabbed Valdo Marx, who completely deserved it by the way. Unfortunately, he’s fine.”

...Geralt suddenly felt unreasonably worried for his safety.

He was pleased to learn, however, that the screwdriver stabbing asides, Jaskier proved to be a surprisingly good flatmate. Sure, he seemed to be completely nocturnal, but he was quiet enough at night and didn’t make a mess. He talked a lot, but after the first five times he tried to engage Geralt in conversation, he left Geralt pretty much alone. Having lived at Kaer Morhen, that was all Geralt could ask for. Jaskier even tried to arrange flat bonding sessions, which turned out surprisingly well and meant Geralt actually spoke to Priscilla and Shani, even though one session had resulted in Geralt needing to Aard the oven.

The story had Lambert and Eskel cackling when Geralt told it to them over the winter break. It was supper time, and the three were sitting together sawing at hard meat which was probably at least a year out of date with their dinner knives. Things never did go well when it was Gweld’s turn to cook. At least this time there were no magic mushrooms.

“How do you fuck up cookies that badly?” Lambert wheezed.

“You made bread explode once,” Eskel reminded him.

Lambert waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah, but that was on purpose.”

Just thinking of the incident made Geralt groan. That had been interesting to explain to Vesemir, and Rennes had been distinctly displeased. Poor Lambert had spent the rest of the week waking up an hour before dawn to run laps in the frigid Shetland air.

“Compared to you, my university’s been fine,” Eskel said. “I haven’t had to take any contracts. Monsters don’t seem to like St Andrews.”

“The Trial of Uni is really fucking stupid,” Lambert grumbled. “The world already knows we’re freaks. Why rub it in our faces?”

“I don’t think that’s the point,” Eskel replied evenly. “Geralt?”

“Hmm.”

Eskel sighed. “Talkative as always. But really, Lambert, it’s not as bad as some people -” at this, Eskel threw a pointed look halfway across the Great Hall at Clovis, who even more pointedly ignored him - “make it seem.”

“It’s no worse than Kaer Morhen,” Geralt agreed. “Up for a round of Gwent?”

Naturally, Geralt won his round against Lambert, and then his round against Eskel, and Clovis, and Gweld, and Aubry, and Remus. He then promptly lost fifty pounds to Vesemir, but he at least had a few new cards, which was enough to please him. Unfortunately, Gwent had fallen out of fashion with humans sometime in the last century (the joys of having ancient instructors), so Geralt would have to wait until he met another witcher to play another round.

He returned to Edinburgh in high spirits. Aubry had offered to drive him and Eskel back to university, seeing as he planned on working his way down to Wales anyway. The car ride was long, but Geralt entertained himself with even more Gwent and bugging Eskel. Eskel returned what he got, and more than once Aubry had to remind them to not start sparring in the backseat of his car.

“I’ve had her for twenty years,” Aubry complained. “I refuse to lose her to a pair of rowdy green witchers.”

Unsurprisingly, Geralt was the first to return to his flat. The term didn’t start for another week, but witchers could hardly afford to lounge around all winter, what with the amount of monsters in Great Britain. Geralt didn’t have his own car, and so he was dependent on older witchers driving him back to university, seeing as he didn’t want to walk nearly four hundred miles.

The benefit of returning to university early, however, was that he had time to take on a contract. Someone had called Kaer Morhen just before he arrived to report “strange supernatural activity” in an abandoned flat. Geralt allowed himself a night’s rest, then set out to the apartment with his two swords.

It turned out to be a noonwraith, and that on its own would have been simple enough; noonwraiths were annoying little buggers, but they were manageable. No, the problem was when Geralt belatedly realised there was an alp in the basement.

The ensuing fight was hard and bloody. In the end, Geralt came out on top, but not without a wide range of injuries which left him on the ground wheezing. Eventually, he mustered the strength to take some potions and stagger back home, but not before texting Vesemir to let him know the contract was done. The contract giver would transfer money to Kaer Morhen, and Vesemir would send him his share. All in all, it was a clean system.

Geralt managed to stagger back to his flat. It was nighttime, and not many students had returned, meaning the streets were still relatively quiet. Those who did see him gave him a wide berth, murmuring and pointing, but Geralt ignored it. He just wanted to get home. A hot bath sounded excellent - then he could treat his wounds.

Unfortunately, Geralt discovered upon his return that someone else had arrived. He cursed his luck as he closed the door behind him. There was a suitcase in the front hall, and the kitchen door was propped open by a chair. Geralt could hear a man humming. Jaskier. Great.

Perhaps he could sneak past without Jaskier noticing - 

“Hello? Who’s there?” Jaskier called, and Geralt winced.

“Just me,” he called back.

“Ah! Geralt! How was your - Melitele’s tits, what the fuck happened to you?” Jaskier exclaimed. He dropped the piece of toast he had been holding and rushed to Geralt, hovering next to him. “Do you need the hospital? Should I call 999? I’m calling 999 -”

“Jaskier,” Geralt said forcefully. “I’m a witcher. I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” Jaskier said fretfully. “Are you sure you don’t want me to call 999?” His hand hovered over the phone in his pocket.

“I’m sure. They don’t know shit about witchers.” Geralt started limping to the bath.

“Wait. Let me help stitch you back up, at least. I’ve got a first aid certificate.”

“Dunno what good that is,” Geralt grumbled, but he grabbed the first aid kit off the wall and threw it at Jaskier anyway. He stepped into the bathroom and stripped off his clothes and armour - he could deal with that later. Geralt stood under the spray of hot water, wincing as it ran over his wounds.

He decided to forego the soap and shampoo, instead gently scrubbing himself down to get rid of the blood and dirt. The noonwraith had been in that house for a long time, and with folks too afraid to go inside, it had become unbearably dusty. When Geralt came out of the bathroom, dry and dressed, he found Jaskier had set up the first aid materials on the dining table with a chair pulled up next to it.

“Sit down, Geralt,” Jaskier said, and Geralt did just that.

***

Jaskier was a quick study, and Geralt soon became grateful for his help, even though he refused to admit it. Sometimes, Shani, who was a med student, had to help with treating Geralt’s wounds, although she often complained he was better off going to A&E. Geralt reiterated that there wasn’t much A&E could do for him - his potions were enough.

Every week or so, Geralt would sit in the kitchen reading through his course work while Jaskier helped stitch him back up. He was chatty as ever, but at least he got things done.

“Come with me to open mic night, Geralt, Essi and I are performing,” Jaskier would say (and Geralt did attend open mic night, lurking in the corner), or “have you seen Professor Rejk’s new tie? It’s hideous!” (and no, Geralt had not, but he made a special point of paying attention to Professor Rejk the next time he saw him).

It was an easy relationship, one akin to the bond Geralt shared with Eskel, and yet completely different. Jaskier chattered nonstop, but he didn’t make Geralt talk, and he knew when to leave a question alone. It was companionable and comfortable, and for Geralt that was enough.

***

In March, a bug started spreading across campus. Geralt’s classes shrank in size as students and professors alike ended up bedridden with a horrible cold. He thought nothing of it - he was a witcher, after all, and witchers were functionally immune to human diseases.

Poor Jaskier, unfortunately, was only human, and he did manage to get sick. It all started when Priscilla caught the bug from Essi (who had caught the bug from Valdo, who had caught the bug from a music professor). Jaskier spent his free time caring for his friend, and by the time the week was up, Priscilla was good as new, and Jaskier was sneezing nonstop.

“You look terrible,” Geralt told him one morning when he walked into the kitchen for breakfast. Jaskier lifted his head to sneeze at Geralt, then set it down back against his arms. Geralt wrinkled his nose. “Disgusting,” he said as he pulled the egg carton out of the fridge. “Want breakfast?”

“Yes please,” Jaskier said, sounding very congested. “I don’t want to go to class.”

“Then don’t,” Geralt said simply. He took the frying pan out of a cupboard and set it on the hob, switching it on.

“You know what, maybe that’s not a bad idea.” Jaskier eyed the eggs wistfully. “Can I have scrambled eggs?”

“Hmm.” Geralt retrieved a bowl from the drying rack and cracked in several eggs, then whisked them. He added milk and salt to the bowl, and oil to the frying pan. Jaskier watched with hungry eyes as he cooked the eggs.

“Best roommate ever,” Jaskier declared as Geralt placed a plate in front of him. Geralt hummed and served up his own eggs.

“Where are Shani and Priscilla?”

“Morning run,” Jaskier said between mouthfuls of egg. The two ate in companionable silence, broken only by Jaskier’s coughs and sniffles.

“Go back to bed,” Geralt said when they finished eating. He gathered their plates and filled the sink up.

“Will you bring me tea?” Jaskier asked teasingly.

“Hmm.” Geralt put on the kettle, and Jaskier laughed in delight.

“You will! I knew you were a big softie all along!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Geralt said, hiding his smile. “Go back to bed.”

“I’ll be waiting for my tea,” Jaskier said in a sing-song voice. “Best flatmate in the world, bringing his invalid friend tea.”

“You’ve got a cold, not the plague,” Geralt grumbled, scrubbing their plates clean.

“You never know! Anyway, are you heading to class?”

“Hmm. I’ve got a contract after.” Putting the frying pan in the sink to soak, Geralt dumped a teabag and an unholy amount of sugar into a mug. He poured in hot water and passed the mug to Jaskier, who took it gratefully.

“I’ll be here to stitch you up after,” Jaskier said lightly. “Anyway, off with you, or you’ll be late. I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah. See you later.” And as Geralt walked out the front door, he couldn’t help but feel as though he had found a second home.