#I love jigsaw puzzles so this would be such a dream find for me

[puffballcat]

posting an image from the Vexen/Even album on my phone everyday-day 100

1000 piece jigsaw puzzle featuring Organization XIII minus Xion

[sho-haizono]

YAYYY MISHA THEME!!!

MISHA 💖💓🩷❤️💕💖💓🩷💖❤️💖💓💓💖🩷💓

[wackytheorist]

Flickering lights, Fofoca in the middle of the night

-By someone who doesn't know how to title fanfics

Dreams are weird. Sometimes they feel neverending, trapping you inside a maze without an exit as you blindly prance around its corridors. Sometimes they reek with an odor of comfort, unfathomable in the repetitive void of reality.

The strangest thing about dreams is that you don't know that they are one until your awake.

Yuri has read all about dreams and what defines them, but although the moment had fit all the definitions of a dream like the last piece jigsaw puzzle.

This. Was. Not. A. Dream

She snapped her fingers, pinched herself and did everything she could to try and get dragged back into reality until they realized that reality was the book placed in front of them.

Yuri's fingers remained placid on the thick book, her thumb excitedly moved against along the paragraphs over and over- as if she was breathing the essence of the book, a larger dose at a time.

They noticed Vo, who was sleeping on the bed opposite to her, making confused facial expressions as a response to her grin. Her bunkmate Sol also leaned over their bed, sharing similar expressions to Vo. She wished they could all gossip about the contents of the book she book she was holding, but any sudden sound would startle Ms Lion, who was downstairs.

But thankfully luck was on her side today.

She noticed her reading light that illuminated their book was flickering. In a moment of complete confusion, the lights cackled off, annoyed yet grand thudding sounds entered the room, bouncing on the harsh wooden floor.

Yuri shoved the hard copy into her pillow, Sol frantically swooped back under their blanket and Vo thrusted themself towards the wall to pretend to be asleep.

Silence

"'Thank goodness the children are sleeping" a deep yet familiar voice huffed, breaking the tension. The sudden sound of a door shutting soon followed behind.

Yuri sighed of relief, embracing the darkness that had filled the room, she lifted her pillow to find the book.

A streak of light coming from beside her resaturated the room, Vo was holding a torch.

"Yuri its 4 am. what is so interesting that you needed to wake us up? Again" they lamented, in a drowsy voice followed by a small mmh-hmm.

"I swear I actually have a good reason this time-" she said "Look! I'll show you and you'll see!" Sol skidded down the ladder and Vo slowly approached her in curiosity. Yuri invited them to sit next to her on her bed.

Vo's flashlight illuminated the front cover of the book, which, to their surprise, was a dangerous red. The words boldy placed on it read 'do not read'. Yuri noticed her cabinmates nervous expressions, she clarified that it wasn't as bad as they thought but a guilty conscience started to form inside their soul.

"I'm not convinced" Vo remarked, after yuri finished her explaination "Why would Miss Lion have a secret diary the size of a table"

"Believe what you want to believe but firstly, actually read the book" she responded. Vo began to flick to the pages, then surrendered to Yuri's smug expression in annoyance.

"But you still haven't told us why this is worth ruining my routinely sleep" Sol, who hadn't spoken during the whole interaction, pointed out.

"Oh right. Sorry~" Yuri singsonged, then flicked to page 951, the page that made her question reality. An ercept from it read:

'Dear diary,

It is my 3rd anniversary of when I first started this job and to tell you it has been hard is an understatement. I love when I get to engage with the kids at camp, their doe eyes fill me with unimaginable amounts of joy. But, alas, 30 days of fun means months of planning, which stresses me to no bounds.

Today, Mr Wolf took charge of my work, which impressed me deeply. I know why I used to moon for him, he is everything that I am not, his elegance matches my energy and maybe I still do like him. Whatever. Those feelings most likely aren't mutualistic but oh diary, I love him.'

Sol cupped their hands against their hand, their mouth 'Ooooing' meanwhile Vo narrowed their eyes, scanning across the page in dismay. Then they turned to face Yuri, who still couldn't fathom the text, even though she had read it multiple times.

"Is this rea-" Vo was interrupted by the lights flickering back on, and the sound of footsteps. Sol pounced on the book to hide it, wincing in pain as it pricked their body.

"Oh kids did the outage wake you? I just fixed it with Mr Wolf.-" A voice chimed, the three of them choreographed a synchronized slow turn followed by a look of judgement.

"What? Is there something on my face?"

This is a writing piece for @which-qsmp-egg-would summer camp event.

Characters involved here: Sol ( @ethertheaether ) , Vo ( @keezers ) and Yuri(Yours truly :P)

Not beta read, apologies for any mistakes

[casquecest]

✨15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 MUTUALS✨

Thanks for inquiring after me, @forestdeath1 and @nodirectionhome-ao3 x

1. ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

My middle name is my great-great grandparents' surname. They immigrated from Vevey, Vaud, Switzerland around 1850. My mum and one of my nieces also have it as a middle name, and if I ever have a kid -- regardless of gender -- they'll have it as well. I used to hate it when I was a kid because no one where I grew up could either spell or pronounce it correctly, but now I love it.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

I don't know exactly. I know I got drunk and listened to Beethoven a few weeks ago, so it was probably then. I find it cathartic, and will do it on occasion just for that release.

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nein.

4. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

I tend to be rather dry as opposed to sarcastic.

5. WHAT SPORTS HAVE YOU PLAYED/DO YOU PLAY?

I'm reading this as asking which sports I've done in an official competitive setting outside of gym class, in which case, I've competed in: dance (ballet and tap); gymnastics; softball; basketball; orienteering; swimming; marathoning (and other road races); and I shoot pool. I, um, love sports.

6. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE?

Probably their hair and general countenance.

7. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

¿Por qué no los dos?

I like scary movies, I enjoy happy endings, but what I really can't resist is a tragedy.

8. ANY SPECIAL TALENTS?

I can dislocate my shoulders and belch on command. I've got a pretty good head for facts and figures and do pretty well at trivia. I also do well at karaoke and drawing, and just generally being a consummate badass 😎.

9. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

St Louis, Missouri, USA.

10. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

I love puzzles!! Crosswords are my favourite, and have been since my grandmother taught me how to do them when I was little, but I also love jigsaw puzzles, word puzzles, rebuses, cryptoquips, sudokus, etc. You name it, I probably want to solve it. I also love travelling (I pretty much just save my money to travel), drawing, reading, running my mouth, pool (like billiards, not like beach), and going to restaurants and playing critic (I do this with breweries as well, but not as often). I love trying new things. I'll get too bored otherwise. I also just like wandering around.

11. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Not currently. Fishies would be relaxing. If I ever move to a larger place where I'd have space for a decent-sized tank, I'd look into having fish again.

12. ALL-TIME FAVOURITE PIECE OF MEDIA?

I had some smartass answer in my head when I sat down to start answering these questions, but it's left me now. Trust me, it was terribly clever and witty.

13. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

History and Human Anatomy and Physiology. I also adored Geography in middle school (it wasn't offered as a class in my district past that point, which is a real shame).

14. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB?

As many others have said, I do not dream of labour. I just want to explore and be paid for it, lol. I did just apply for a job with a major airline, so, hopefully, that pans out as the position pays well enough and there are travel perks.

Being a pathologist would be wicked cool and suit me as well. Medical mysteries are just another puzzle.

15. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOUR?

I call it slate.

I'm just going to tag a few people, but if you want to do this as well, consider yourself tagged =D

@tvnacity @thelighthousestale @wendibird @rodiniaorzetalthepenquin @mariekavanagh @artemisia-black @avocado-moon @ladymalchav @casinthegarden @sl-walker @padfootswhiskers

[reallyhatethiswebsite]

im afraid the more i go into details, the less sense it makes😭

it started with my friends and i being in a regular house that quickly turned into a saw-style maze? then a guy, that later turned out to be Raphael in disguise, made us solve puzzles and things of that sort for apparently no reason except for his own amusement. it's worth mentioning that the house felt like what my european self imagines midwestern house to be like, crossed with ps2 castlevania, depending on which room we were in.

to be fair, i dont know how i realised it's actually Raphael, considering that he looked nothing like Raphael - he had short blonde hair and the weirdest nose ive ever seen somehow. it clicked around 20 minutes before i woke up, and my way of thinking was literally "who else would make us solve puzzles in a maze than Raphael, besides i dont know this dude so it has to be Raphael in disguise."

at this point he realised i know it's him and shifted into himself, congratulating me, which is when i went for it, as i apparently decided this is the best and the most appropriate moment to be horny for a devil. he laughed and proceeded to look genuinely disappointed with the fact that he can't dick me down. im going to cling to that thought.

unfortunately, my dream self isn't usually too critical when it comes to dream reality, so he didn't deem it necessary to inquire as to why we can't be split in half if the possibility presented itself. would the dick be too good? would i go insane irl? are there some weird cosmic laws against that? NOW WE'LL NEVER KNOW.

in general my brain loves cockblocking me and i woke up right after he delivered the news, so maybe another time.

and im actually so surprised you wanted to hear about this 😭 im happy i could share

Ok this is totally wild. I don't know what I find funnier, Jigsaw Raphael or "weirdest nose I've ever seen". Or that you immediately jumped on him the second you realised who he was (although to be fair, valid). Dick too good you go insane 😂😭 almost like he's some escaped SCP

I could actually see him making like a maze/mouse trap full of puzzles for his little mouse to run around in and solve, maybe rewarding them if they do good or punishing them if they fail. I find dreams (especially ones like this) super interesting so thanks for sharing it with me!

[quiet-compassion]

15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

Thanks @gentlebeardsbarngrill for tagging me!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

I am named after a literary character. I won't say which one because I like to preserve an aura of mystery 😝

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Today at work lol ✌️ (It was a rough day.)

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nope.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

I played half a season of softball in the 4th grade and everyone involved was grateful when I quit. Hand-eye coordination is not my gift.

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Almost exclusively.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Sense of humor, probably.

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Green.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Both but separately. Allow me to go on a mini-rant here bc I love horror movies but also my preferred fanfic genre is fluff. It's a catharsis thing. Horror is a great place to explore and work through challenging issues and feelings. Happy endings are a comfortable refuge when life feels too much. It's about balance, babe.

ANY TALENTS?

Hmmm, bartending I suppose? I got into mixology during lockdown and it's become a hobby (see my #Our Flag Means Booze tag). I also took voice lessons for 8 years, so, singing?

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Somewhere in America (again, I am cultivating my mysterious aura).

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Besides the aforementioned mixology, I write (find me on ao3) and read. I really like puzzles, both the jigsaw and brain teaser varieties.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Sadly not atm.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5 ft 8 Inches

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

English.

DREAM JOB?

Either an editor for a publishing house or working at a local bookstore. Either way, it would involve books.

Tagging some friends, but no pressure! @tominniemousesblog @tamrapraxidike @colubrina @racketghost @scrapbramble @waywarder @snake-snack-stede and any one else who would like to answer!

[theluckywizard]

WIPPIE WEDNESDAY

Just working on a little possible AU/possible HC one shot piece with my Inquisitor Rose and my Hawke.

The dream I’d formulated with Solas was a prison of my own making, meant to keep things out more than keep me inside. The intense clarity that the anchor gave my dreams had always been tolerable– at least until Hawke stayed behind in the Fade. I could only live through so many iterations of watching the man I love get impaled and crushed by the Nightmare. So many dreams replaying the moment I left him behind. Listening to Hawke tell me in a dozen different ways that I’d abandoned and betrayed him. Watching him end his own life out of hopelessness. In my grief and desperation I begged Solas to teach me some manner of control.  My subconscious had become dangerous and I needed to master it. So he and I crafted a dream I could safely retreat to each night, the prison keeping me safe from such intrusions. He’d asked me to choose a familiar place, where each detail was etched deeply in my memory. He had me choose activities to pursue within the safety of the setting, something to pass the time until I returned to consciousness, where my darkest thoughts were under stricter control. I’ve dreamt of my quarters at home at the estate hundreds of times. It’s my refuge. Jigsaw puzzles and knitting. Playing my lute in my pillows piled high by the window. It gives a sense of peace I could never hope to find in Skyhold, where I’m haunted by ghosts of my decisions and the cost of war. Haunted by memories of Hawke.  The wards Solas taught me to set keep all of that out.  I pick at my lute, singing a tune in Antivan as rain rolls in from the Waking Sea and washes down my window. My voice is always sweet in my dreams, never needing warming up or clearing. My velvet pillows hug me while I lounge back into them. Everything is in its right place.  But there’s something strange across my room.  Something that doesn’t belong. On the center of my bed is a yellow cactus flower.  My lute slips and clatters in a twang of strings on the floor as I’m assaulted by the memories, how a yellow bloom would grace my cot each evening in the Western Approach. I stand and approach the flower with the caution its alien nature merits.  “Maker’s breath,” I mutter, crawling onto the bed and picking it up. I spin the fragile bloom against my nose, the petals like satin, the fragrance familiar, flooding my chest with warmth. If I’m losing my grip on my recurring dream, at the very least this is a welcome intrusion. But I check the wards to make sure I’ve activated them properly before slipping into the safety of my dream. The wards are live. I examine the flower, brushing it over my lips, attempting to divine meaning from it. It’s a fond memory of a different time, of a great love I didn’t understand or appreciate. But the warmth gives way to torment, as considering the flower cleaves my heart, the grief falling like a greataxe as I recall how I’d failed to tell him how deeply I’d felt before being scooped around the waist by Alistair and flung back through the rift.  And then I wake myself, because Maker, I can’t do this all over again.

Tagging @bluewren, @nirikeehan, @rosella-writes, @warpedlegacy, @kiastirling-fanfic, @ar-lath-ma-cully, @anneapocalypse, @effelants, @plisuu, @breninarthur, @crackinglamb, @ir0n-angel and anyone else who wants to share their works in progress art or writing!

[keefwho]

March 28 - 2024 Thursday

11:01pm

6/10

This morning I cleaned the center area of my desk and wiped everything down. I also cleaned the top of the microwave and hotplate real good. For breakfast I made a grilled cheese out of the loaf's end pieces and some bean soup. Already I had not planned for today to have a normal schedule. I worked on AE's avatar for about 45 minutes in call with one of BR's friends. Then I went down to the store for some water, coke, and drinks for the weekend. I briefly met the mechanic that works in the shop next door to the store and I was trying to make conversation with the cashier and my mom. The cashier is a girl about a year younger than me and mom told me she plays DnD in Seeley every Saturday and that she lives down here. I don't know about anyone else around my age in the area so that was interesting to find out. When I got back home I worked on the avatar for another hour before lunch. I got most of it done and am going to try to finish tomorrow. I also saw that BD was in VR so I hopped in to chat with her in desktop and we had a nice little conversation.

Lunch was stir fry using these green beans and red potatoes in garlic sauce. It was good but too much food, I was stuffed and had snacked on salt and vinegar chips an hour before. I also got a headache for some reason and blew off my work for the rest of the day. I spent my afternoon watching someone stream challenged in various Mario games while I let my body settle. At some point I took a desk nap with my eye resting on my wrist. Then I played some Stardew on the side and waited for TK to be free since we planned to hang out. When she was about to get in VR, I got on and found a very pleasant jigsaw puzzle world that lets you use custom images. BD also joined us and her guy friend and we did the puzzle in about 40 minutes. TK was talking about her trip to see her family the past week and then her friends joined. BD left to join others so I chatted with TK for a little before joining those other friends. Those people were interesting, it was a few furries chilling in a hot tub and it was a decent time. They were pretty welcoming and liked what I did to achieve my otter model. I felt very out of place though because everyone was part of a couple besides me, I was the only one sitting alone. I don't think it's something I would have cared about if it wasn't so visually obvious and downright comedic. GT joined and left pretty quick, he was high. I got off to eat dinner and get ready for bed.

~~~

Today was about presence so I tried to catch myself when I was either thinking about the past or predicting the future. My go to method to disengage was to intently focus on whatever sounds I was currently hearing and that worked pretty well.

I was thinking about love again today and how like my friend, I also tend to question if I'm worthy of being loved or if I'll ever find what I'm looking for. It's easy to think the outlook isn't good. I've been close to dating but never really "dated" and I'm 27 years old. It feels downright pathetic sometimes. I feel like I've lagged behind and simply cannot fit with anyone anymore unless they've also lagged behind which must be extremely rare. I'm very tempted to push all these feelings down and resign myself to being single for the rest of my life again. But thats not what I want, I'd be miserable if I did that. Thats part of why I've BEEN miserable, denying how much I want to love and be loved. Another thing I've noticed is how no one has ever seemed to be as dedicated and obsessed with me as I have been with anyone. I dream about how good it'll feel someday for someone to be crazy about me for once. But then I think, what is there to be crazy about? At least right now, I'm a shell of a person. I can't blame anyone for not wanting to invest in that.

[pagepainter]

Beautiful Disaster

Dark clouds loom over. Fierce winds tear across the face of the earth, sending leaves flying, trees bending over. A moment later, lighting and thunder. First comes the tiniest pressure of water droplets, before a whole curtain of ferocious rain ensue. Tree branches may snap; the roads are flooded, everyone's safety is at risk.

After hours of gloom, the first rays of the sun peeked through the dark clouds. Perhaps you might even catch a glimpse of the rainbow, if the angles at which the sun reflects the water droplets and weather conditions are perfectly aligned for it to form.

Thunderstorms, a beautiful disaster. While I can say that there will be light at the end of the tunnel, that there's the steadfast, yet fragile and small flickering flame of hope that will lead us out of this dark valley, I hate that the hard truth always appears itself, loud and glaring. it's so difficult to find solace in the midst of everything — fear, anxiety, stress, worry, sadness, anger; circumstances beyond our control, even though we have fought so hard to have it. It always feels like we are running on a treadmill to chase after a goal that's distancing itself by the second. The insatiable desire drove us to desperation, and we ran until we've both grown tired, realizing that it's a marathon where the end goal seems too far out of reach, because the rules for this run are stacked against us from the beginning.

Yet, during the marathon, we ran side by side, supporting each other, encouraging each other, embracing each other's presence, all while being in awe of the journey we've made thus far. The mountains we climbed, the rivers we crossed, the days spent with one another, the sunsets we caught, the songs we sung to keep us going throughout the run, the intimacy of physical contact through it all, up until the very last ounce of energy we could expend from the limitations of our physical and mental strength.

I hate for this to be a beautiful disaster. We just want a 'beautiful'. Two broken, exhausted souls who fit so perfectly together, like a fitting pair of jigsaws among a cosmic puzzle piece.

Is it so wrong to have my happiness?

Is it so wrong to want my 'beautiful', who has eyes the color of golden sunsets, who has silky soft brown hair, who has a smile I'd always strive to bring to his face, who has so much love to give, who appreciates the little things, who handles my heart so gently, and lovingly, who has shown me what a healthy relationship is, who has shown me my true potentials, who has shown me the true version I could be, who supports my dreams, whom I have brought down my walls for, whom I have grown to love, whom I would do anything to have him in my life forever?

We're each other's 'beautiful', but it's such a disaster for it to end this way.

[lickoutyourbrains]

I love it so far! I'm not too far in it, I'm one episode 27 right now, I just finished 26!

I have so many thoughts and questions!

Jared Key(Keye? I'm not too sure on how it's spelled lol. Also sorry if I get names wrong I'm horrible at remembering them) is connected to so many of these episodes, and he's definitely suspicious, but part of me wonders if maybe he's a good guy in all of this, maybe dabbled with the wrong things and is trying to make up for it sort of vibe? I'm still unsure.

Eyes are definitely a theme after Jared's ancestors uncovered the tomb. I wonder what they mean. Especially with Natalie and the cult whose symbol is a shut eye.

I think my favorite moment was in Pieces where Marting talked about Jigsaw puzzles with the old lady, because HOW DID JONATHAN NOT SEE THE PARALLELS!!! I literally yelled at the radio/record player my mom bot me a while ago(it has multiple functions, and the podcast sounds best when listening through that instead of headphones or just the audio of my computer or phone outloud).

It's like a horror mystery podcast and all the pieces are put of order because of Gertrude not filing correctly...

But I wonder if maybe she misfired them on purpose after reading about how she was to die. Make it harder for whoever it is to find whatever they were looking for(I have no evidence that this theory is even correct, just what I would do.)

I'm also wondering if in the dream episode, it preludes Gertrude's death to the cult Natalie was in? Because there were so many of those lines and they were red and she was horrified.

-g

Aah yes Gerard Keay! He's a good boy that one :D

Oooh YES the episode Piecemeal is soooo good. I adore that episode a lot, the ending was just *chef kiss*.

I myself (of the episodes you've heard) am veerry in love with Lost John's Cave, Squirm and Freefall. If you're listening to 27 now that'll be another fave of mine<3

I really like your theory on Gertrude misfiling everything deliberately, that's some good thinking right there!

I hope you continue to enjoy the series! And please feel free to come and chat about anything that sticks to you, I don't get to talk about Magnus stuff that often so that'll be dope af.

[pinoyrella]

FIRST LOVE, HATSUKOI (Itoshi Rin x Y/n)

Chapter 1: "When Lilacs Bloom"

FT: Itoshi Rin, Itoshi Sae, Oliver Aiku, Bachira Meguru 

TW: None

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Coming of Age + Slow Burn 

WORD COUNT: 4,600+

“First Love, Hatsukoi” Masterlist

Someone once said; life is like a jigsaw puzzle. From our best memories to our most horrible experiences that make us want to curse at our destiny…

These are all unique pieces of our lives.

A ticket that was lost. A dress worn in December. A contract signed to “Blue Lock.” A romantic moment on the beach in the winter. A soccer ball that has your name on it. An athletic star that’s the same age as you. Dreams that never came true. Love stories that ended. People who drifted away from you.

What about those big mistakes? Are they also part of the picture?

-

[ November 16. 2016 Age: 14 ]

“A muscle contains bands of fibers that are attached to the human skeleton.” As you walk alone through a familiar field, you study the notes in an old binder . “They are the tissue connected to the bone that allows for movement, balance and function!” Young y/n was so fascinated with the study of bones, muscles, movement, and the human body. An aspiring doctor focusing in the field of kinesiology. “Welcome! I am Dr. L/N, Ph.D in Kinesiology, speciality in Sports Medicine, from your diagnosis it has been listed that you are suffering from a strain in your pectoral muscles.” You giggle as you imagine yourself assisting a patient in your own clinic. “Not to worry, I’m here to help!”

[ November 16. 2036 Age: 34 ]

A young woman drives around through the late nights of Kamakura City, just getting off work. Though, her lips pursed as she tries to focus on the ride, the street lights glowing brighter in a way that causes her vision to blur and her head to ache.

“What would my life be now, if I had never met you?”

-

[ Fall Semester, 2016 ]

You make your way through that familiar field, heading towards your campus. You are now in your 2nd year of junior high. Though as you walk, your mind is somewhere else. In your hands holds your beloved old binder, the one you have stored years of notes you have taken relating to kinesiology. 

Ever since you were as young as you can remember, you have always had this fascination with the study of movement. How does movement happen? Why do certain body parts bend in different ways? Why is it when you land in a certain spot, you feel a painful stretch? At a young age, you find yourself having these thoughts as you watch kids your age run around playing various sports. But there was one that stood out to you the most, one that caused the gear switch in your brain to turn.

You watch as your friend plays soccer before you. “Interesting..” You whisper to yourself, loud enough to have the young boy stop in his tracks. “Pretty cool right! Sae-nii taught me how to do this a few days ago. Want to see what else I can do?” Your childhood friend Itoshi Rin asks. You shake from your thoughts as you give him a smile. “Sure!”

As you continue your pace, your focus elsewhere before- BUMP! You take a step back, startled before spurting out an “I’m so sorry-” Though- as you begin your apology, your gaze moves up to meet familiar eyes. “Rinnie!” “Don’t call me that.” The boy immediately replies bluntly before pursuing his steps. You smile sheepishly before picking your pace up, catching up behind him.

Your best friend, Itoshi Rin has changed an incredible amount since you two were small, and the same could be said about you too. Many events that had occurred led up to how you guys have grown, let it be good or bad. 

Just as you are about to speak again, you hear a shout to your name. “You! Come here!” You freeze in your spot before turning to meet a faculty member. “Teacher, good morning-” “Ladies are to enter through that gate” He interrupts, pointing to the opposing entry way that parallels where Rin was headed. “Sorry!” “This is your second year, you should know the rules by now! And quit bringing this binder to school- if it isn’t related to any of our courses then leave it at home. It is a distraction, what would your father think-" "Her binder is educational, why can’t she bring it to school?” A cold tone creeps onto the conversation.

You feel your entire mood shift to the mention of your father, until you feel Rin’s light grip on your wrist. “We are going to be late for class.” He says to you. “Itoshi Rin! How dare you talk back to someone older-” Before you know it, he takes off with you dragging behind. “ITOSHI!” The teacher yells after him.

As you both run off; your glance falls between him and your hand, then back towards the faculty member attempting to run after you. It feels odd, like everything has begun to play in slow motion. A smile overcomes, as you take in the situation unfolding, thinking to yourself

“He’s a pretty good guy.”

-

[ Fall 2036 ]

A young boy sits in his seat staring outside his classroom window. “Which means B equals R-” The voice of his teacher becomes tuned out as he loses focus. “We can put A and B on the x-axis, so we draw them in.” The young boy admires the blue sky, illuminating such a warm yet cold feeling. “Oliver?” The sound of his surname brings his focus back to his teacher. “You’ll have exams soon. Make sure you focus.” “I’m sorry sir.”      

Transaction History 160,000 ¥ to Oliver Aiku

The same young boy sits in his room, headphones in as he studies his curricular from school earlier that day. Deep in concentration before hearing a knock on his door. Removing his headphones, he turns to meet his dad on the phone with someone. “I got it, I’ll see you tomorrow. Okay, bye” He hangs up and the young boy asks. “That was Mr. Itoshi Sae, isn’t it? Will I stop by again to examine the play offs?” “No son. He’s away for familial reasons, so I arranged another teammate to under-wing you.” Oliver Aiku replies back to his son before turning to meet his gaze. “Studying again? I told you there's no need for this.” The young boy looks away hurt. “Ike, there is no need for studying. I am going to make you the world’s best striker. Just focus on your training, I’m going to make you great.” His father says before receiving a notification on his phone, which prompts him to leave his son’s room. “Okay.” Ike says softly watching his father walk away.

-

[ Fall Semester, 2016 ]

Your eyes light up watching your best friend, Rin, play on the field. Examining his every movement and how he plays strategically. Watching him play the way you have all these years.

The sound of cheering can be heard as a group of students watch their school’s soccer team play. 

“Itoshi’s a little scary, but he’s cool, right?” One of the female students in the crowd converses to her friend. “Totally, right! I had my eye on him.” She replies to her before the two erupt into a fit of giddiness “You think he has a girlfriend?” From hearing that odd question, you subtly turn to face who might have asked that.

“Y/n” The sound of a familiar male voice speaks, you turn to face Rin as he holds a towel to his forehead. “What’s with that look on your face?” “Huh? It’s nothing” You lie, averting your eyes away from him. “It obviously isn’t nothing.” He saw right through you. You turn your gaze to him one last time before rolling your eyes, you shove him lightly in a playful manner. “Rin.” You say his first name with endearment.

Rin. Rin.. Rin!

-

[ November 16, 2036 ]

Rin snaps out of his thoughts, turning to his team mate calling for him. “You don’t want to go home, you want to practice some more don’tcha?” Bachira jokes to his teammate. Rin rolls his eyes in annoyance before his friend continues. “If you don’t have plans, Isagi, Nagi and the rest of us are planning to e-” “No.” Rin harshly rejects before letting his friend finish. “You’re no fun” he cries as Rin quickly grabs his belongings, then leaving.

Stepping out from the gymnasium, he makes his way to his car. A familiar lilac color catches him from the corner of his eye.

Rin places the small bouquet of lilacs in the empty passenger seat beside him, he had just purchased them from the sweet old vendor that was passing by. As he starts the car a familiar song begins to play on the radio. Instead of skipping, he turns the volume up before driving home. Reminiscing on a beautiful past memory that felt like it was not too long ago.

[ Spring of 2017 ] "Around this time tomorrow" You struggle on your tippy-toes, reaching for the beautiful lilacs that are blossoming on the tree branches above you. "I wonder where you will be" From far, Rin watches you. The wind blows the lilacs of the spring, slowly onto your hair. "And who you will be thinking of" Trying to get a closer look, you try your best to continue reaching out to them, before they bend down closer to you. Your head turns to the side towards the person who have helped bring them down for you. "You are always gonna be my love" Your eyes meet Rin's examining the lilacs too, before coming to meet yours. Never have you felt such softness from a gaze of another person. Rin looks to you before looking back at the lilacs, bringing down closer to you. You reach up to feel the flowers tickle your nose, as you inhale deeply of the calming scent it extracts.

Rin arrives home, entering his luxurious apartment from the years of being a pro athletic star. He carries the bouquet of lilacs into his bedroom, laying them gently on his desk, before sighing as he touches the soft petals, remembering that day.

-

[ Fall Semester, 2016 ]

Rin steps out of his school's gymnasium, he scans to where you both usually meet, only to find one of his teammates conversing with you. He watches in curiosity.

"Y/n, please go out with me! I have movie tickets-"

"I'm sorry!" You reject your classmate immediately before running away, leaving him in shock.

He and Rin watch you run off, before Rin chuckles in satisfaction to himself. He claps his hands together and thanks the universe. Not too long, Rin follows for you knowing he was the one you were waiting for, after all it's your routine. You study in the library while he practices soccer, then walking home to either one's house. You both were stuck to the glue since you were small, knowing each other from the inside and out.

-

[ November 18, 2036 ]

You are mid-day in your shift at your family's bakery. As a little girl you have grown accustomed to helping your parents run their small business. Studying as you check guests out, you were so loved by everyone who would come in. Though ever since your father had long passed, things haven't been able to stay the same.

[ Summer 2007 ] "What is it you're reading y/n-chan?" A regular customer asks as your parents prepare their order. "A book about bones!" You take the large and heavy book in your hands, pointing to where you had just left off at. "Did you know there is a large bone located at the bottom of your heal called the calcaneus?" The customer looks at you with an impressed expression on their face before turning to your parents. "She's only 5?" Your parents look to each other giggling at how adorable you were to impress another dear customer with such intense knowledge at a young age. "She loves to learn." Your parents have always known you were meant for great succession. "That is one intelligent young brain" The customer compliments, before leaving. At the age of 5 everyone saw you as a growing prodigy. Your IQ was off the charts, along with your brain development. It seemed nearly incredible just how much you spend educating yourself. Could you be a lawyer? A governor? Maybe the president? You greet the customer to have a good day before hopping off the stool running towards them. “Mama, papa, I want to be a doctor!” You declare this promise. Your parents swore they saw light shine from you as you confessed with such joy. Your passion stood out beyond, and your parents did everything they can to help polish this gift of yours. “Your brain is a one of a kind y/n-chan.” Your mother praises before your father leans down “Our shining star.”

Who would have known that the very same daughter, would continue helping her mother run their family bakery. Her promise long forgotten.

As you wipe the counter, you find an old book. Taking it into your hands, you flip through the pages before stopping at one that holds a picture of you and a young boy. Taking the picture out, you think of him with such love before placing the picture back in, and continuing your work.

-

Another beautiful morning in the Kanagawa Prefecture. Rin rolls his windows down as he drives off to his old family home, for a little "family" reunion.

As he pulls up and parks, he sees a familiar red head, waiting for him by the front door. As Rin approaches the door, Sae gives a stoic expression before giving his younger brother a soft smile. Rin following suit. "Welcome home big bro."

The Itoshi brothers enter their childhood house until a young girl runs up to Rin. "Uncle Rinnie!" She cheers happily. "Maruko-chan, how are you?" He smiles softly at his brother's daughter, before picking her up and walking further into the family home with his brother.

-

Your shift had just ended, and you are now at a mall, searching for the perfect gift for a special someone.

You make your way from a shoe department, to belts. Leather wallets displayed in a glass case along with calligraphy pens. No item catches your eye that you feel would be suitable for this person so dear in your life. It makes you kind of feel like you hardly even know them anymore.

Looking at the time, it seems to run out so you leave without any purchases from these departments. Making your way to the meetup.

Pulling up to a luxurious gated house, you make your way to the monitor, requesting for someone. "Long time no see" you get the ick hearing the voice of your ex-husband, Oliver Aiku. "Hey, I'm here to pick up Ike as planned." Before you know, you see your teenage son make his way to your car with a backpack. "Thank you" You tell your ex-husband as your son enters the passenger side. "See you later." You hear Oliver say before a BEEP is heard.

You turn to look at your pride and joy, your son Ike. "How are you?" Asking as you drive off. "Okay" he says bluntly, almost awkwardly in a way. "Are you hungry?"

Making your way home to your apartment, you prepare to cook a meal for your son as he gets situated. As you cook you hear the click of the front door. Stopping your actions, you look towards the door seeing your son. "I'll be back later." He says before going out. Before you can say anything he shuts the door, leaving you alone.

You sigh quietly before looking to the calendar right besides the front door that reads on today's date "Ike's 14th birthday." You return to your cooking. Realizing you forgot an ingredient in the fridge, you open it only to find the birthday cake you planned to blow out for your son.

-

"So how have you been?" Sae asks his younger brother as they are seated at their family's dining table. Maruko in the chair beside her uncle as she plays around with her coloring book. "It's been the same." Rin replies bluntly before turning his attention to his niece. "What is that you're drawing? That is so cool" He says delightfully before his brother smiles with this interaction. Almost like how the years of distancing from his brother, the words said that one snowy night, the game they played against each other, and the years of not talking had never happened.

Rin's phone buzzes with a notification, his attention from Maruko leaves before he checks it. Sae watches as his younger brother enters his password, his expression changing into surprise.

"That number. 1 1 1 8." Rin looks at his brother in embarrassment before getting defensive, he gives his brother a glare. "That is a breach of privacy." "It's of her, isn't it?" Rin stays silent. "Are you still-" "It's not like that. There's no deep meaning- just that nobody would figure it out if I lost it." He refutes. "Uh-huh". Rin pays his brother no mind before reverting his attention back to Maruko.

Though, his full attention wasn't on her, but on the thougt of you. Thinking if he will ever see you again.

-

[ November 18, 2016 ]

Rin steps out of the gymnasium, ready to end the day with you by his side before he sees a familiar scene in front of him. He stays quiet as he watches the interaction.

"Y/n!" The boy yells, startling you. "Y-yes?" Rin watches in amusement, wondering how this will go down, already knowing you will turn the guy down just like you do with every confession before.

"Do... d-do.." Rin fights back an internal laugh before the boy confessing to you can even speak. "Do you like..." Good god, Rin just wants to go home and this rejection is taking forever. "DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE FOOD?!" The boy asks loudly startling you. You are taken aback and think out loud, do you? "Um.. I like-" before you can answer, the boy sees Rin and cries "Nevermind! I'm sorry" before running off.

You watch confused before seeing a figure from the corner of your eye. Rin moves past you, then looking back. "You ready to go?" You nod and blush in embarrassment, your best friend probably saw the entire thing.

The walk home was so close, but a bit too quiet for your liking, after that recent event. "I got asked my favorite food." You say still confused on that interaction. It's silent before Rin responds bluntly. "I think asking someone what their favorite food is, means that you like that person, right? I think he liked you, I'm surprised you didn't catch that considering how big your head is" You blush in embarrassment before retaliating. "What a weird way to say you think I'm smart, because I am!" You stomp ahead of him faster. With one lunge forward, he's already caught up to you again. Your angry demeanor diminished, replaced with laughter. He smiles too as you two make it home.

He walks you to your front door, as you open it the familiar scent of your mom's cooking escapes and as much as he wants to come in, he isn't able to tonight. Watching as you step into your door, he turns to leave before you call out to him. "Rin!" He turns back around to look at you. It is silent for a bit before you begin, "Then what about you?" He looks at you with a bit of confusion. "What's your favorite food?" You ask him. "Me?" He takes a moment to think, he's surprise he hasn't had this exchange with you before, he thinks to himself if he even knows your favorite food. After all, you both have been friends since you were 5! You guys literally live and breathe each other, best friends for what? LIFE!!!!

He takes a moment to think before answering "Ochazuke" it is a bit quiet, your mind replaying the memories of him eating ochazuke almost all the time as a kid, realizing there is a missing component. "with bream?" You ask. He's shocked that you knew that. "Especially with bream." He confesses, earning a giggle from you. "Goodnight Rin, get home safe. I'll see you later." You tell him before going in.

He waves you a "bye" as he heads off. 'What a random question.' He thought to himself before getting home.

Opening up his laptop, he hits the "call button" and shortly, his brother answers. "What" is heard on the other line. Rin then proceeds update with his brother as he's in Spain, and to tell him about the weird and random question you had asked him.

"She was confessing her feelings." Sae says on the other side of the line. "Huh? What do you mean?" "You stupid? Do you understand context?" His brother says annoyed, though Rin plays it off as playful sibling antics. Sae lets out an obviously annoyed sigh. "Before asking you your favorite food, you were talking about how it means you like that person. Then that's not a question, it's a confession!" He finishes, ready to hang up the call. Rin sits there in disbelief before getting up, grabbing his sweater before running out.

You on the other hand, sit at your desk that is in front of your window. Your binder propped open as you take notes and study. You are deep in focus before you see a familiar figure running in front of your house.

-

[ November 18, 2036 ]

You drive around looking for your son with worry. He hasn't replied back to you calls or texts in the past 9 hours. "Later.." You repeat to yourself, as you are unable to find him your grow with frustration. "When is later! Where could he be, is he alright?" As you drive you remember the feature on your phone, you check to see that your son is sharing his location with you indefinitely, before beginning your drive to him.

You stop in front of... your family's bakery? Parking, you run inside only to find him in a secluded corner, studying? "Ike?" You call for him, he looks up at you before looking at the time.

"Mom I'm sorry, I didn't see the time- I was just-" Before you can finish you engulf him in a hug. Relieved that he is safe. Not too long your mother comes from the counter. "Why didn't you tell me he was here?" You ask her. "I didn't even know you had him in town today. Besides, he wanted to study."

You both look to him before you let out a sigh of relief, immediately returning home. The drive home was quiet, but as you made it through the door of your apartment, your son apologizes again to which you tell him it was alright. "I have something for you." You guide your son the the kitchen where you prepare his birthday gift, along with his present.

Ike lets out a small smile towards the gesture, blowing out the candle then opening his present, which was an envelope.

"I wasn't sure what to get you, so I bought you a gift card." You say as he takes it out. He thanks you as he gives you a warm hug. Small moments like these give you the memory of love that you feel had been forgotten, though it was time to take him back.

-

[ November 18, 2016 ]

"Rin?" You say yourself before you see him running towards your door.

You drop your studies and immediately sprint down, before he could know you swing the door open, startling both of you. "Rin? What's wrong?" You ask before noticing that rain began to sprinkle. "You'll catch a cold." You say as you try to yank him inside, yet he doesn't move. Instead, it takes a moment before he grabs you, pulling you close to him. "RIN-!"

He hugs you tightly as his eyes begin to gloss. "Rin?" "What about you y/n?" "What?" "What is..." as he begins to ask, the rain starts to come down harder, but he holds you even closer, shielding your head to prevent the rain from touching you. "your favorite food? What is it?" You close your eyes as you share the embrace with him before answering "Shrimp."

He lets out a small chuckle as he holds you, your childhood best friend that you had grown up and endured so much with. He pulls away before cupping your cheek. The rain beginning to pour on the both of you, soaking your hair.

"I like you." Itoshi Rin confesses. Years of keeping it to himself, he confesses that he does, finally. "Ever since we were five." He looks into your eyes, watching as your eyes get glossier than his. It feels as if time has froze, the way you both look at each other with such endearment, although eyes filled with tears threatening to escape.

"Please go out with me."

"Yes."

The rain pours as you continue your reply. "Me too. Rin, I like you too.” Tears began to spill from both eyes as you hug each other in an embrace so tight.

Time, standing still is about to start moving

So many things I don't want to forget

Around this time tomorrow

I know I will be crying

I will be thinking of you.

[ November 18, 2036 ]

You will always be inside my heart

Rin bids his brother and niece a farewell as he starts his drive home.

There will always be a place just for you

He turns his car on, and on the radio plays the same song he had heard of yesterday.

I just hope I have a place in your heart too

As he drives, he thinks to himself that he feels the coincidences recently are all too haunting.

Now and forever you are still the one

It was like every memory of you, the existence of you is coming back stronger than before.

Now, it is still a sad love song

"Will I ever see her again?" He thinks to himself as he enters the roundabout.

Until I can sing a new one

As you drive your head begins to hurt again. You squint your eyes to see the roundabout coming up. You begin to slower still your eyes focused on the road.

You are always gonna be my love

Rin looks behind him as another car comes in. His eyes expanding, not believing his eyes.

If one day I fall in love with someone again...

He slows down on driving, examines if it's really you, watching as your eyes squint ahead of you. You look beautiful, just as how he last saw you in person. All the memories and feelings he had of you shock him there, but before he could say a thing he sees as you begin to drive forward.

I'll remember to love, you taught me how

Noticing how ahead you are of him, he presses on the gas, an attempt to follow you before you make a safe right out of the roundabout. The speed he was going at, he wouldn't have been able to do the same so he misses.

You are always gonna be my love

He looks forward as he continues to drive and then back, still in shock of seeing you again in person after all those years.

"Every moment is an irreplaceable piece of our lives."

Now and forever.

"But what if... you lose an important piece?"

A/N: Merry quisssmoisssss everyone! Wishing you all a happy day and yeah! I hope you enjoy chapter one, and hopefully it wasn't too confusing. I really wanted to follow the format similar to the series hehe! See you next chapter!

-love, p 🌸

[aniesparadies]

River of Tears

"Dapat kasi sumusunod ka na lang sa gusto ng magulang mo" they said. A Lot of people tell me that I am stubborn. Yes I'm stubborn because I want to be the one who follows everything.I firmly believe that as long as I am content with my actions and not causing harm to others, the opinions of others hold no weight. It is like a bird soaring through the sky, unaffected by the opinions of those on the ground. Similarly, my happiness is like a flame that burns bright, illuminating my path and guiding me towards my goals. Until something unexpected happened. I would never take back what has been done, but I need to weight my choices or should I or not continue.

"Ano itong ginawa ko , nag dala ako ng kahihiyan sa pamilya ko. Paano na lang ang kina bukasan ko?, Hindi ko naisip yung mga posibleng mangyayare sakin. Pinag sisihan ko ito pero wala na akong magagawa kundi tanggapin na lang at harapin " I said to myself crying in front of massive mirror.

Becoming a teen mom was a rollercoaster of emotions, the moment I saw those two pink lines on the test, my world literally stopped. It was like a dream, an illusion of happiness. The news was like a bolt out of the blue, my life became a jigsaw puzzle with pieces that were nowhere in sight. As I started to pick and place the pieces of my puzzle, I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and guilt. When I discovered that I was carrying a child, I wasn't overjoyed. However, I knew that I had to see it through, and that someone would be there to guide us. It's unfortunate that I made the wrong choices in life, but I am determined to stand on my own two feet. I must demonstrate to the world that I can succeed, despite the obstacles I face. Like a seedling pushing through the soil towards the sun, I will persevere. My life may be a bumpy road, but like a river carving its way through the mountains, I will find my way.

I felt like an island shrouded in darkness and fear. Anxiety raced through my veins as I faced the reality of becoming a teen mom. Words cannot express how difficult this journey has been so far, but I must stay strong for my little one. I had to dig deep within myself to find courage and remind myself that everything is going to be alright. Like a phoenix emerging from the ashes, I slowly rose up and embraced the beautiful blessing of motherhood. Being a young mother while still studying is undoubtedly challenging. Looking back, I realise that I made mistakes that I wish I could correct. I acknowledge that my parents' advice is valuable, and I should have listened to them. They have my best interests at heart, and no parent wants their child to be harmed. However, I chose to follow my own desires instead of heeding their guidance. As the saying goes, not everything that brings happiness is the right thing to do. I must learn to recognize when I'm doing too much and know when to stop. To put it simply, being a young mother is like walking a tightrope, and not listening to your parents is like jumping off the tightrope without a safety net.

My newfound strength and determination drove me to take on new responsibilities and face my adversities. The day I held my bundle of joy in my arms was a day nothing could ever replace. With those cherub cheeks and twinkling eyes, my heart overflowed with true love and infinite happiness.Throughout this experience, I have learnt to be patient, kind and loving to myself. I realised that no matter how hard the journey may be, no mountain is high enough to stop me to change myself to become a better person.I am determined to show the world my progress. Despite my past mistakes, I am not a bad person. I am currently studying to change my future for myself and my daughter. I aspire to make amends with my parents and earn their pride, despite my shortcomings. It's not too late for me to turn things around. I am like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly, shedding my old ways and emerging as a new and improved version of myself.

[toxicwhitemale]

Poem by toxicwhitemale

Jigsaw

My life is a jigsaw puzzle. Made of random facts and truths, and dreams. Of pain, and pleasure, and everything in between.

Each wrote down on its own little puzzle piece. Jagged and misplaced as they may seem. But they are still little pieces of the broken me. Painstakingly placed in no order it would seem. They come together...and are sewn at the seam..to paint a portrait of the real me..all the things life has tried to take from me, my hurt, my pain, my misery. I no longer wear a heart on my sleeve..no..I have it tattooed on a puzzle piece. So no one can take it away from me. I will no longer turn the other cheek.

Even god had his Warriors that fought for peace. Will anyone ever love this Jigsaw version of me? Like Frankenstein ,,that’s what some say they see in me. A tough scary guy..with a big heart underneath. Who just wants a lover that can see through his scares..and through all the jagged jigsaw piece. Don’t be to quick to judge..there’s too many things that you can’t see. I didn’t chose this costume..this skin..or my puzzle piece. I’m ugly because of what the world did to me. Give me love…and I’ll find peace. Give me your heart..I’ll forever be your beast. Give me your trust..and loyalty you will see..on a puzzle piece. Placed were only you can see. As the world takes from you and me..everything we love..it would seem. I have enough reasons to pop a cork. And pour whiskey over this heart shaped jigsaw piece. And the has handed you nothing but misery I see. But you’re looking at me..so maybe..I’ll set the whiskey aside..and see if together..we can fill..the empty spaces..in this jigsaw puzzle portrait..of new love.. found in you and me. Updated..4/12/23 10:15am

Timothy Hayes-10/22/22

Updated 7/18/22 Updated 8/26/22

[dan-sokolov-blog]

Object writing 4: Back to an old lover (12/19/22)

We’re done, the credits have rolled on this film. If we can even call it a film it might as well be a short story, a short story with a tragic ending cut short by me, the rug pulled suddenly out from under you. Yet no one can say it was without foreshadowing, you pulled the curtains on our grand dream a month before when you uttered the words the end yourself. You quickly tried to brush up and pick up these words like dropped pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, but you were never able to put the puzzle back together the exact same way after. some piece were smushed, some lost some broken. It was never the same puzzle after that. The week after I scattered the pieces myself vowing to never put them back together again. Yet then I also tried to put back these ever more broken bricks that make up our tattered, connected hearts. No longer the beautiful dream house we first imagined, now a tattered worn out brick cottage that few would dare live in. On the outside your words were sweet and you told me you also believed in this dream house, yet your actions poured poison all over this dream. when angry it’s like a flip switches and the lights turn red, a gargoyle appears where you once stood. terrible words come from your mouth that pierce my heart like knives and i wonder where did my sweet girl go? yet i stuck around to get wounded again and again. one day i had enough of this pain and neglect and i decided to pull the rug out from under the entire thing. it felt sudden at the time, but if you consider those moments of monstrous transformation and mistreatment it is no surprise i pulled the plug and drained the remains of this love which once was hot and steamy but is now less than lukewarm. it pains me not to see you and i have urges to come crawling back, but my heart knows that i must resist this urge like a sober man resists the bottle. no good will come of us being together again, only more pain to me and those around me. distraction from the lofty goals i’ve set out to achieve and distraction from women who will be a better fit for me and will treat me like i deserve to be treated. i resist these urges and i look toward the future, at least i try my hardest taking it step by step every day going closer to my goals and away from this cesspool of pain that once was love. lessons were learned at least and i didnt waste much time so i have no regrets. i will continue to be stronger so i can avoid people like her in the future that cling onto and weigh down my wings and instead i will find someone who helps propel me upward so we can soar together, hand in hand.

[clown-moss]

We'll just ignore what I said earlier as I want to fuel this flame, also I'm bored.

N Harmonia Fluff Alphabet

(written by yours truly)

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Well personally if I were do an activity with that said s/o it would definitely be along the lines of gardening, drawing and or puzzle solving!

Small things like doing a jigsaw puzzle or planting new life into the ground one flower at a time fills me with this warm and fluffy feeling, it's a feeling that tells me there are some good people in the world and not all of them are cruel.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

The one thing that attracts me more than anything is both animal lovers and people with confidence, more less the bold type. I just love how they're not afraid to speak out to themselves nor afraid of admitting defeat and open to learning anew, of course everyone is petty once in a while (Arceus knows I'm a good example) and I truly don't mind that.

So the thing I would admire and find beautiful in an s/o is their determination and boldness, if we're talking physical stuff it would definitely be the eyes.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Now this one is a tough question, I'm not good in the face with negative emotions but if I were to be in this situation I would definitely give them small praises and cradle them in my arms (with their consent of course not everyone wants to be touched while having a panic attack.)

My hugs are known to be quite soft and warm so it's most likely it will put them to sleep, it's either that or me rocking and humming them to sleep. I hate seeing others in pain.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Children 100%, it's a small fantasy (not that kind of fantasy you sick perverts.) of mine to have a family of my own if I were to find the one. I find children adorably innocent and I'd love to raise them as my own, it fills me with joy to be looked up to!

I can picture it perfect, a big cottage with flowers and vines growing in an abundance, the children playing with the friends of the forest as I watch them in pure contentment.

I've thought about this one in my own time quite a lot and I truly hope it will come into fruition instead of staying a small day dream.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Equal. Nothing more needs to be said, moving on.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

I hate fighting to my very core so I'd try to avoid it but of course, fighting is inevitable. I'll admit I have a tendency to raise my voice but I promise you I'm not doing it on purpose! It's merely a cruel reflex of mine, it will take a while for me to trust you one again dependant on how severe the fight was, I have tendencies to hold grudges for a very very long time.

With that being said I will always take fault and apologize. I am not immune to mistakes, I am human, I will always be open to admitting defeat and learn a different pathway so we can avoid fights like those in the future.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

I've been told I'm quite oblivous at points so take this with a grain of salt. I would be incredibly grateful for what I have at that certain time (Arceus knows I don't deserve it), I will forever be grateful for it as long as I am still breathing.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

I have the inability to lie, it leaves a bad taste on my tongue. Besides, I have no need to lie nor keep secrets. Relationships required trust and honesty as a foundation with without those two things present the relationship is sure to crumble down into ash.

Of course this does not mean I will share absolutely everything with them, like for instance my past and such but if asked I would be inclined to tell them with little hesitation, I trust them therefore they should trust me.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Oh 100% they did, they would've have most likely allowed me to get more accustomed to things I never would I thought of before, for instance; meeting new people, emotions, personal vendettas, self hatred, you get the picture.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Why would I be jealous? I trust them and they trust me, if not then it wouldn't work in the first place! Jealousy is not something I experience very often so therefore this question is irrelevant.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Oh dear, I wouldn't know if I was a good kisser or not as I have let to lose my first kiss.

As for what it would be like? It would be a lot of confusion and I would look a kin to that of a Cheri Berry! I would be lying if I said I didn't also fantasize about losing my first kiss to the one someday.

If we're talking favourite places to kiss? The neck hands down, I think it's the perfect place to kiss! Romantic or sexual I love neck kisses to my very core.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Oh they would have to confess to me first, I'm way to nervous to say something. I worry that if I do I'll be seen as a creep for it, it's one of my worse fears to be berated and made fun of by somebody I love.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Marriage is completely up to them but I'd prefer if we did, it just feels more personal and intimate y'know? Like these rings are tying us together with the red string of fate, binding us together forever.

I would gladly marry them! It will take a while before I'm comfortable with the idea of it but once I am I promise you, it'll be a blast.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Ahem. My love, dear, honey, sweetheart, my beautiful Dandelion, etc etc etc.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Oh to have such a blissful feeling as of being in love! I'd be very oblivious and yet so content and happy, I would admire them from afar while berating myself for thinking in such a way.

My actions will be a lot more intimate too! Swaying more to romantic than platonic, if they tell me to stop then I will. I would never go over somebody's boundaries! That's just disgusting and cruel.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

In public the PDA is minimal but still there in small things like handholding, I will still flush up red at these small things though. Also yes I am a very shy kisser, especially on the lips. It's just so intimate and overwhelming but in a good way? I can't describe it!

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

I do not know? I suppose it would be my animal charm? Despite being in this world that lacks of Pokemon I still have my charm, I can attract strays and house pets miles away, they all seem to trust me as well too. Not even the most fearful and skittish of cats can resist my loving charm, so if you like animals that's one thing to look forward to!

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

I'm cliche, not bother hiding it. I'm the type that would get you a collection of plushies, roses and even bake you sweets without expecting anything in return. It makes me swoon to see them so happy with my gifts, so I'd say I'm romantic to a fault.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Support in every way! Work? Easy, allow me to lend a hand. Chores? I already did them! (I'm a clean freak sorry) anything you can think of I'd somehow assist you in, no you can not say no and yes I mean everything.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

I do not understand the infatuation with finding thrill in danger? Why not keep it mundane? I'm alright with doing things the same as we've always done it thank you.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Please, I'm one of the most understanding people out there. I would never judge them under any circumstances, doesn't matter if they're gay, trans or ace, to me they are just as human as everybody else and they deserve the right to love who they want!

Hell, I'm even genderqueer myself! To add to this I am indeed gay but you all can headcanon indifferent, I love seeing how you all mirror yourselves onto my character and seek comfort in it, just know that I'm watching and I fully support you no matter what. Everybody deserves to be who they truly are <3

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

I have no point in lying, my love for Pokemon will forever trump any romantic relationships with a human I have. There's nothing else to add to it, moving on.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Hm, something fluffy about me. I suppose when I get really happy my laugh is really contagious and loud that I can't help but cover my mouth! I have these sharp canine teeth too so that adds to my laugh and smile. I can't help but not hug them tightly as I laugh at whatever funny thing they show me.

Also my eyes glow a nice blue and sparkle when happy as well, they also glow blue under other circumstances but that's besides the point. I also have tendencies to pick up that said future s/o and tuck them into bed and kiss them goodnight if I find them sleeping in an odd place or if I see them overworking themselves.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Once comfortable I am very affectionate, and I mean very. I love kisses despite how shy I get, you'll never go a day without cuddles or even a bone crushing hug. Anything affectionate you can think of I'd most likely do in their favour, I'm just a very loving creature overall.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

I'll admit I'm clingy to a fault so if miss them very terribly and once I see them again they will be greeted with a bone crushing hug and some stray tears.

I'd try to cope with it using or doing stuff that reminds me of them, like taking care of a Pokemon who acts similar to you.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Now this really depends on the circumstances, of course I'm not going to leave them to die but I do draw the line. The thought of obsessing over a relationship makes me shiver in fear, it's not something I want.

-Mod N <3

[theluckywizard]

hiiiii Lucky what if something Fade heist to rescue Hawke related + "No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world" and/or "Well, did you miss me?" from the Florence prompts?? 👀 Happy Friday and have fun!!

So this started for @dadrunkwriting Friday two weeks ago and then I got SUPER INVESTED and have been working on it ever since. I've popped an ambient song link in for effect! Illustration by me :)

Summary: The nightmares Rose had of Hawke following Adamant prompted her to develop a recurring dream with Solas, one she's had hundreds of times. It's safe. It's always the same. But something isn't right this time. And the dream will never be the same again. (Flangst, extra angst)

Characters: Rose Trevelyan, Garrett Hawke

WC: (buckle up!) 5075

Rating/CW: Explicit, sex!

Ambient Music - Olafur Arnalds - Dalur (loop it for full effect)

The intense clarity that the Anchor gave my dreams had always been tolerable– at least until Hawke stayed behind in the Fade. I could only live through so many iterations of watching the man I love get impaled and crushed by the Nightmare. So many dreams replaying the moment I left him behind. Listening to Hawke tell me in a dozen different ways that I’d abandoned and betrayed him, that he never actually loved me. Watching him end his own life out of hopelessness. In my grief and desperation I begged Solas to teach me some manner of control.

My subconscious had become unbearable and I needed to master it.

So he and I crafted a dream I could safely retreat to each night, a prison, or fortress of sorts to keep me safe from such intrusions. He’d asked me to choose a familiar place, where each detail was etched deeply into my memory. He had me choose activities to pursue within the safety of the setting, something to pass the time until I returned to consciousness, where my darkest thoughts were under stricter control.

I’ve dreamt of my quarters at home at the estate hundreds of times. It’s my refuge. Jigsaw puzzles and knitting. Playing my lute in my pillows piled high by the window. It gives a sense of peace I could never hope to find in Skyhold, where I’m haunted by ghosts of my decisions and the cost of war. Haunted by memories of Hawke. 

The wards Solas taught me to set keep all of that out. 

I pick at my lute, singing a tune in Antivan as rain rolls in from the Waking Sea and washes down my window. My voice is always sweet in my dreams, never needing warming up or clearing. My velvet pillows hug me while I lounge back into them. Everything is in its right place. 

But there’s something strange across my room. 

Something that doesn’t belong.

On the center of my bed is a yellow cactus flower. 

My lute slips and clatters in a twang of strings on the floor as I’m assaulted by the memories, how a yellow bloom would grace my cot each evening in the Western Approach. I stand and approach the flower with the caution its alien nature merits. 

“Maker’s breath,” I mutter, crawling onto the bed and picking it up. I spin the fragile bloom against my nose, the petals like satin, the fragrance familiar, flooding my chest with warmth. If I’m losing my grip on my recurring dream, at the very least this is a welcome intrusion.

But I check the wards to make sure I’ve activated them properly before slipping into the safety of my dream. The wards are live. I examine the flower, brushing it over my lips, attempting to divine meaning from it. It’s a fond memory of a different time, of a great love I didn’t understand or appreciate. But the warmth gives way to torment, as considering the flower cleaves my heart, the grief falling like a greataxe as I recall how I’d failed to tell him how deeply I’d felt before being scooped around the waist by Alistair and flung back through the rift. 

And then I wake myself, because Maker, I can’t do this all over again.

The next night I’m welcomed by a platter of too many cheeses, partially picked over with all together too much fruit for a proper cheese deity. It sits precariously on the edge of my nightstand. And this time I laugh when the tear sneaks out the corner of my eye. No amount of grief could sully the ridiculousness of that memory.

After that it’s a book of Antivan smut on my window seat, The Fires of Satinalia, open to a picture of the Contessa and Signore della Verga canoodling in a dark alley. I’d given it away after we’d collected it from his effects, the thought of looking at it without him there to incite my blushes and horrified snorts unsupportable at the time. It prompts a wistful smile now.

It goes on for weeks, mementos of Hawke tucked around my room. I learn to look for them, like my own mind is pranking me elaborately. A bronze statuette inside my lute case. A purple bathrobe draped over my breakfast chair. A bottle of Garbolg’s Backcountry Reserve and two cobweb covered glasses on my nightstand. A scarlet scarf in rose imprinted damask with a tattered fringe on my dressing table. A wild sketch of quaking undead imprisoned in a livestock wagon on my desk. 

I don’t know how or why it’s happening. But the joy it provokes has me awakening with tears in my eyes. 

Perhaps I no longer need my prison of a dream.

Tonight when I arrive in my bedroom there’s nothing. I search everywhere for the treat, combing the room in an ever increasing state of agitation. I’ve gone blithely straight to sleep for weeks to see what happy little treasure I’d find next. Disappointment sets in, aching behind my sternum as I sit on the edge of my bed bent over my knees, hugging my head in my arms. The rims of my eyes gather up my tears as I realize how much I’d come to depend upon the trinkets, on the whimsy of my own tenacious subconsciousness to muddle through the day.

Ambient music - Slow Meadow - Hurricane

There’s a sound competing with the insistent drum of the rain on my window, the sound of wooden puzzle pieces clicking into place on the table behind me. I straighten, my breath frozen in my lungs. Peering anxiously over my shoulder I see a giant of a man hunched over my table on an elbow, pushing puzzle pieces around and sorting them, his hair tied up in a familiar, darling little tail like it used to be.

“Hawke?” I inquire, guarded, bracing myself for some horror or other when he responds. He pushes back from the desk to stand, the rolling chair sliding a little farther than he means it to and turns to me. The last time he’d fixed his gaze upon me, he’d held me tightly between him and his shield and fearlessly pronounced his love as the Nightmare drifted closer. He’d instructed me to go– to stop Corypheus. He’d pressed his lips to mine in a final desperate kiss. I consider all the twisted dreams I’d had of his face, this beautiful face and how they had crippled me with sorrow and guilt. 

And yet this feels strangely real. 

The brightness of his eyes pierce me, his lips turned slightly at one corner in a subdued little smirk, waiting for my reaction. 

And as for that, I am tear-streaked astonishment, my eyes hazy and overwhelmed, my mouth agape. Closing the distance between us in a few steps, I pick up his hand with a determined curiosity, assessing the weight of it, the thickness of his palm, the way his fingers are too big to thread completely between mine.

His arming doublet is ragged and frayed over an equally tired linen shirt, and he's got a scruffy beard that looks as though it’s been maintained with a dull dagger. I reach up and feel his lips with my fingers, and they're as soft and full as they ought to be. I trace the lines across his forehead, then his brows and cheekbones.  Hawke clutches my face gently, his thumbs brushing over each of my cheeks in that delicate way of his, like I’m a freshly plucked cactus flower he might accidentally crush.

“Well did you miss me?” he asks quietly, his gaze, deep as a summer sky, joined to mine with customary intensity. I collapse against him, shoving my arms under his unfastened doublet to wrap them tightly around him, letting his shirt catch all of my tears as they fall, failing to restrain the jerk of my sobs in my ribs. I feel his lips pressed firmly against the top of my head as he folds me into the thickness of his arms. 

It feels too real. I’ve become too adept at this dreaming business.

“Uh– Rose?” he inquires, his voice perturbed. I glance through the glare of my tears to realize that my bedroom is dissolving around us, my carefully constructed dream slipping away under the weight of my own overwhelm. Everything gives way to a hazy amber light that holds us gently, like the golden glow of an emergent sunrise, promising another chance. There’s nothing but us.

I tighten my hold on his middle, afraid that if I let go the dream will collapse completely, leaving me alone to be followed by the unlimited void of his absence. Perhaps I could unburden myself of the feelings I’ve held close for months– the ones I’d barely understood until confronted with the prospect of losing him forever.

“I know it doesn’t matter now,” I start, speaking with my ear pressed against his chest, “but I was a monumental idiot.” I hear a laugh escape through his nose softly above me, lips buried in my hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how deeply I felt. I didn’t know until it was too bloody late.”

“That’s all right,” he says, a surprisingly soft, humorless response, kissing his way to my forehead, his hold tightening. 

“It’s not all right,” I argue with more intensity than I mean to. “It’s not. I pushed you away because how much I felt terrified me. And then– and now– you’re gone.”

“I’m right here,” he says firmly, gripping me by the shoulders, bearing down on me with a determined gaze. “I’m here. I’m alive.” I look at him, shaking my head at the tricks my mind is playing on me, wishing that I’d been able to keep a grip on this bloody dream of mine. Wishing Solas was around to help me fix it.

Hawke bends and kisses me forcefully, like he’s out to prove something, a sturdy kiss that I could never doubt. He pulls back and looks at me again as if the gesture should signify something. 

But a kiss from Hawke is in keeping with everything else I’d let into my dream lately.

“Do you know how hard it was to break into this blazing cage of yours?” he asks, clearly annoyed with me, his fingers weaving in my hair. “Maker, Rose. I thought you’d know right away.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, stupified by the line of questioning.

“I found a way back to you, just as you asked. I– broke into your dreams to find you. Maker, I’ve wandered into the dreams of so many– but they won’t bloody well listen! And yours is the only one locked down like a proper vault. And you know how awful I am at lockpicking!”

His words force a flinch out of me as I grapple with it.

“You’re my subconscious,” I whisper past him as if I’m alone. He just shakes his head, exasperated. “You’re everything I’ve desperately wished for.” Hawke looks like he’s going to argue more but then holds back.

“Everything?” he asks with a sheepish smile. “I thought you knew better than to say things like that to me, Rose.”

“I’d like nothing more than for you to actually be here.”

“I am here. Rose– the trinkets I’ve been leaving– I was trying to prove to you that someone was tinkering with your blazing dream. That it wasn’t your mind. That it was me. I’m here. I’m alive in the Fade,” he says and then picks up my hand gently, stroking his fingers over the glow at the center of my palm. “And I need this beautiful hand of yours to escape.”

“Hawke–”

“I didn’t think it would be such a blazing chore to convince you.” He pulls a hand from my cheek to run it back into his hair in frustration, scratching his forehead as if to think of a new plan.

“It’s– you?” I ask, doubt still tugging at my mind in every direction.

“Maker, yes. And I’ve been looking forward to this for ages, you goose. Seeing you. Holding you.” 

“How?” I ask, but Hawke bends to kiss me again gently, grazing his lips across my face until they catch mine and linger, the question in my mouth evaporating. Basking in the warmth of breath, in the give of each other’s hungry mouths, desire awakens within me, rapidly filling every interstitial space inside of me until it spills forth. We can’t be close enough, not like this. 

In the time I’ve gone without him I’ve nearly forgotten the little details: his scent– peppermint salve and leather and sweat– the squash of his embrace, the energy and rhythm of our kiss. Hawke’s gentleness belies his fervor, but I can feel it in the intrepid way his hands tour over the curves of my body. He draws my knee up outside his hip with a hand under my thigh, sliding a leg between mine, his eager length pressed against the heat growing in my core. But there’s nowhere to go– my room has melted away into this lovely, yet shockingly inadequate stew of light and feeling around us.

“Could you perhaps dream us up a bed? A desk? A wheelbarrow?” he asks, beaming, bending to nudge his nose against mine. “Or perhaps that delightful window seat of yours?” 

I’ve never lost the dream before though– and I’m not sure I can retrieve it.

“Couldn’t whatever is beneath our feet suffice?” I ask, a little desperate. He looks down at the amber nothingness and chuckles, because gravity is still fixing us to some manner of floor and then regards me like I’m mad or I’m giving up too quickly. 

I close my eyes, attempting to journey again and draw the details from memory– the deep bench by my window with dozens of pillows. The velvet cushions. The lambswool blanket I always tuck around me to keep away the familiar creep of cold through the window. The rain streaming down the panes of glass. The evergreen forest emerging from a bank of fog. 

Hawke laughs in wonderment as it all materializes before him.

“That’ll do,” he says, lifting me lightly across the partially imagined room to the window seat, a facsimile of the very place I’d first become acquainted with the Champion. Where I’d read the polished, scrappy account of him carving a place for himself and his family out of the unforgiving black cliffs of Kirkwall. 

Rapturous, he eases carefully onto the window seat, scooting us over so my knees have somewhere to settle and he kicks his feet up. Astride him, my face is just above level and even beholding him at this distance, I’m still unsure if he’s real or not. The Fade is still a foreign place to me even after two trips. But my desire to make love to him, to tangle up our limbs and breath, to be filled by him is as real as anything, and I push his frayed doublet off his shoulders which he wrestles out of and then tosses into the amber ether.

“Ah, shit. I’m never getting that back, am I?” he says with a cheeky smile, but he’s too preoccupied by me to be bothered. I bend to sweep my open mouth against his, the steel of his erection against me stirring an arousal that aches with over a year of longing. I slide all ten fingers over the fine hairs across the center of his abdomen and then the coarser hairs of his chest under his shirt and he obliges me by stripping it away.

His right side is marred by a ragged scar I’ve never seen and I'm not sure that I would have conjured it up. It hooks around from the back like the rake of a talon, though it’s been long healed and I follow it with an inquisitive fingertip. He slides his hands up under the comfortable nightgown I’m always wearing in my dreams, grazing up the length of my thigh, his thumb finding the inside of it, pressing into it.

“It was a terror. Got me without my armor on. You know how they can be, jumping out of the ground like a bloody nuisance,” he explains, prompting the full weight of the revelation to fall into place like an impossible comfort.

“It’s really you,” I whisper, holding Hawke’s face as the astonishment takes hold.

He nods and dives in for another kiss, deep and unbridled. His gentle hand continues over the rise of my hip bone and onward until it lingers at the swell of my breast and then the hardened tip, our breath catching simultaneously. He gathers and lifts the sheer gauze of my nightgown up over my head and I lean back so he can exalt my skin, every curve with his mouth, his beard sending chills tickling through me as it grazes across my flesh. He pauses to wrap a lock of hair around his finger and tugs lightly.

“You cut your hair,” he says in a playful callback. I glance down at it, my hair now only reaching just past my breast. 

“Only a little. You grew yours out,” I point out.

“No sense cutting it in this cursed place. Easier to tie it back.”

“I always liked it longish,” I tell him, leaning in to delve into his grinning mouth again. We grind this way, his hard into my soft, gasps and moans alternating and crisscrossing as we remember the shape of each other. Separating briefly to rid ourselves of the last remaining barriers between us, we converge again, Hawke sliding into my silken depths like a missing puzzle piece. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him like this, his breath bathing the skin of my cheek and neck in warmth while he's sheathed to my very limits. I tuck my fingers into his tied up hair to clasp his head against me and whisper ‘I love you’ against his ear. He pulls back with a smile.

“Say it again,” he says, insisting we look at one another. I feel a little timid under such direct scrutiny, but I lift my gaze to oblige him, restraining my smile.

“I love you.”

“From the depths of your soul?”

“Well let’s not be hasty,” I laugh against his mouth. He looks at me from an inch away. 

“You’re a horrible wretch.” The banter feels like sparks inside me. “And I love you. From the depths of my soul.” We take a moment to drink each other in, his survival and return relaxing the knot in my heart that’s been there since that unspeakable day. Hawke smirks again, that glimmer of ever brewing mischief gracing his smolder. Maker, how I missed this man.

“Can we get to it?” I ask with a saucy glance.

“Oh, are we not? I have to inform you that you are at least seventy five percent in charge right now, Rose.” I tilt my head to scold him with a nip on his nose and then grip him tightly within me, drawing myself off of him languorously, sinking down again. We fall into a rolling cadence, consecrating my treasured window seat with the force of our yearning. 

It feels like another first time, a better one.

He handles my hip on my right and gently works his hand over my breast on the left as our pace gains intensity, rocking and churning in euphoric tandem. I drop my head back so he can press his lips to the underside of my jaw, leaning back to feel his full length pressed against my front, my pleasure gathering like a shimmer at the edges of my vision. Grasping me by the chin, Hawke fixes his eyes to mine, glossy and bright with unspilled tears, raw with emotion. Whatever he’s gone through, he’s been alone in the Fade for months, and if what he says is true, everyone else he’s encountered in dreams has ignored and dismissed him. I cradle his face in my hands to kiss him sweetly, earnestly, hoping the gesture adequately expresses my trust in him. 

He clasps me against him, gasping and panting against the line of my shoulder, muttering my name, raking his teeth over my skin. We grow tacky and then slick with emergent sweat as we toil, clinging, claiming one another all over again.

My cries are practically bucked out of me and by his smolder and his breathless smile, I can see he’s waiting for me to trip over the edge of my climax before he allows himself to follow. As I lose control, my thrusts grow longer and sloppier, a tide of pleasure washing me away, overpowering my nerves until I fall limply back. Hawke catches me and pulls me to him, cursing as he shudders into me again and again, his fingers digging deep into my flesh until they suddenly relax and he draws me back into my mountain of pillows, a gorgeous pile of mush beneath me. 

“Let’s do that again. Backward and inside out,” he gasps, his glazed eyes smiling ecstatically into mine. 

“Backward, inside out and in a wheelbarrow,” I add, covering his face in kisses and then nestling down against him, reminded of the divinity of his cuddle. Soft and satisfied, he slips out of me and I fall to his side to settle into the crook of his arm with my leg draped over him lazily. 

“Feels like we’re trapped in a glass of Cabot’s finest,” he says glancing about, then returning his look to me. He presses his lips into a sheepish smile as he stares up into the amber brume above us. “I was a little worried you’d forgotten about me to be honest.” His eyes are gently inquiring, and I catch his meaning.

“I could never.”

“What about–”

“It didn’t take. Not for long.”

“After all my hard work?” he teases me. I glance away, recalling how the Well of Sorrows had been the fracture that ultimately drove Cullen and I apart, how painful it had been in the aftermath desperately trying to retrieve something from the tatters of our relationship. How it’s muddling along as a stiff working relationship, our friendship still drifting somewhere outside our grasp, lingering feelings and history complicating our attempts to reclaim it. Hawke notices the slight withdrawal and presses his lips to my forehead.

“I suppose you read that ridiculous emergency love letter I wrote you.”

“It was ridiculous. And perfect,” I tell him.

“It was slapdash at best.”

“Addie thought it was the most romantic thing she’d ever read.”

“Maker, you let other people read it?”

“Well, you were dead. I didn’t think it mattered!”

“I’ll have my revenge eventually, you monster,” he threatens me with a mischievous look, stroking my shoulder. The letter remains folded around his scrap of scarf in my desk in Skyhold where it sat while the heaviest revelation gnawed at me daily.

“Did you really dream of me all those years ago? Pulling you from the dark?” I ask. Hawke looks down at our laced fingers, shockingly timid again and then back at me. 

“I did.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“It would have seemed like an absolute ploy to get you into bed!” he protests. I wobble my head, acknowledging it. “Or worse, shockingly creepy.”

“Fair enough,” I say. “So are you going to tell me about it?” He lets out a long exhale like I’m in for a story and pulls me back on top of his chest again. 

“I dreamed that I sat at the bottom of an abyss, hopeless and miserable. And you came down to me, that hair of yours drifting behind you, hand blazing with a green glow I didn’t understand at the time. I felt impossible lightness in that moment. So much that I chased it in all the years that followed.”

“And this is why you have a thing for redheads!?” I poke, tickling his sides in playful shock. He wrestles me under control with a smug look.

“Well I had a thing for you but I didn’t know how to find you except by your bloody hair. Nobody’s hand lit up like this. I didn’t even know you were real really. Imagine my reaction when I heard rumors that a woman stumbled out of the Fade with a hand marked by the Maker. And then again when Varric starts sending me the details.”

“But you didn’t come to Haven.”

“They would have made me Inquisitor! You know this. So I waited. And I had other reasons to come of course, but the burning curiosity I had about you had me rushing to Skyhold.”

“That whole time,” I snort to myself, “you knew something I didn’t.”

“I may have wanted you for years, but it was only in the abstract sense. It felt like a ridiculous fantasy. And then I met you,” he says. I ride his falling chest down as he sighs wistfully.

“Well it certainly explains some of your Maker forsaken brazenness,” I tease him, remembering his dogged and ultimately successful attempts to win my affections. Hawke grins and squishes my cheeks between his hands and draws me down for a smooch.

“You did save me, you know. You prodded me right out of that festering hole I’d been hanging around in for years. Like the dream– better than the dream,” he says. “But now I think it may have been more literal. I think you’re meant to come to the Fade to find me.”

The thought is overwhelming, but I pull myself together. “All right. Tell me how.”

“I will– but there are things I need to tell you first.” 

“I have things to tell you too.”

“I know about Corypheus. We can have matching tankards engraved. ‘I killed Corypheus and all I got was this lousy mug.’”

“Do you remember the bargain I made with Flemeth?” I ask him and he perks up, tensing slightly.

“To drink. So… you drank? But what?”

“I drank from the Well of Sorrows. It made me– well I wouldn’t call myself a pawn exactly, but I’m subject to the will of Mythal. Of Flemeth.” “And I thought I got a raw deal with that witch. Maker. She’s– Mythal?” he processes momentarily and then looks at me again. “Are you all right?”

“It was another bargain. I was able to call upon her dragon to fight Corypheus at least. But who knows when she’ll call in more favors.”

“That’s not what I asked– are you all right?”

“Well, I hear a lot of voices now.”

“Rose,” he breathes, worry and sympathy and shock commingled.

“But I don’t understand them, so there’s that at least,” I add. He turns onto his side to face me and holds me tightly against him.

“Maker, what’s becoming of us,” he whispers, the lines in forehead deepening with distress. I burrow up against him, wishing we could simply merge. It would be easier that way. 

“What did you want to tell me?”

“Might be easiest to show you,” he says, though he looks strangely anxious, like I might push him away again. Hawke releases my hand and holds it above us, snapping his fingers so that a flame the size of a lit candle manifests above his fingertips. 

“Maker, Hawke. You're a mage now?” I ask. He waves it away again. He concentrates on the same hand and incants softly and the blue-green shimmer of a barrier flickers into being around us.

“Being in the raw Fade for a prolonged period has its effects. I learned a fair bit from the spirits in here. And I knew some from my father and Bethany. It’s surprisingly intuitive. At least the basics,” he says. “Not that I didn’t burn myself once or twice. But lucky for me, basic healing spells are easy to learn.” My finger finds the scar from the terror again and he catches my drift. “Yes, I healed that one myself. There’s a reason it’s rather monstrous.”

“Well it’s certainly the most interesting one,” I remark, brushing my fingers over it. I let slip a sigh I’ve been holding since Adamant, reality scratching from the background. “I wish I could just stay here.” Hawke scolds me with a look.

“If you stay here, I’ll be stuck in this odious place forever,” he says. “But I’ll come each night and we’ll make a plan. You’ll have to memorize the pieces and write them down when you wake. And you’ll have to find the others I contact. I’ll go to Bethany next since she’s already at Skyhold. And Varric doesn’t even dream so that will be on you to convince him.”

“Of course.” I press my face against his chest, relaxing into the cushion of his muscles and the safety of our complete intimacy. He’ll return. I lift my face again to confirm it.

“So you’ll be back?”

“If you’ll have me,” he says with a surprising degree of trepidation. I smack his chest and kiss him because it’s absurd. “I mean it Rose. There’s one last thing I have to tell you and you might change your mind.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Every love has its limits,” he says, his eyes lingering on me, the weight of whatever he’s about to tell me bearing down.

“Hawke. You’re making me nervous.”

“I’m nervous,” he says. “I’ve had to– I’ve had to do things. To survive in here. To contact you.”

“Do things?” My insides tense into a knot that claims me whole and then it tightens when he looks away, swallowing.

“Well. I’ve changed,” he says, frowning. I shake my head at his vague explanation. He’d already said he’d become a mage. 

“I don’t care. All that matters is that you’re here.”

“It’s not just me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not alone,” he says, and the meaning twists inside me again, prompting me to look. He couldn’t possibly mean–

But when I search his eyes more deeply, beyond the sky blue devotion, I feel it. The gaze of a perfect stranger staring back. The gaze of something that isn’t him.

Hawke is an abomination.

And I wake myself, because Maker, I’m not sure I can do this again.