#I love seeing all the muses y'all have written in the past

[cursedbluebird]

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

tagging: you

---

Name: Rosie

Pronouns: she/her

Birthday (no year): March 24

Where are you from? What is your time zone? Nebraska, CST

Roleplay experience: since 2009

Got any pets? Freya and Bast the naughtiest kitties in the universe

Favorite time of year: Fall

Some interests and things you like: sewing, thinking way too much about clothes

Some funfacts & trivia about you: - I wrote my undergrad thesis on the progression fashion of the 20th c, but I am terrible about keeping up on modern fashion

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? L E G E N D O F Z E L D A.... I love Majora's Mask... Hero of Time my beloved baby boy..... I also love Okami so much. I'm a sucker for fairy tales and mythology.

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: I'm actually not a big pokemon person! I started with Y. Ghosts and Psychic are my faves, particularly Mimikyu, Meowstic, and Hoopa. Gengar is also shaped like a friend :)

How did you get into Fire Emblem? I had been interested in the series since the GBA days but it wasn't until I got my 3ds and awakening that I got the chance to play a game.

What Fire Emblem games have you played? Awakening, Conquest & Birthright, 3H, Shadows of Valentia

First Fire Emblem game: Awakening

Favorite Fire Emblem game: Fates or 3H

Any Fire Emblem crushes? Oh my God Niles hi tee-hee... Tho Seteth damage art did get me into playing feh... And uh... My husband does look like Xander ...and his name is.... Alexander........🥴 I've posted my questionable taste in fe characters you can find it in the chat if you search

If you’ve played the following games, who was your first S support? - Awakening: Chrom- Fates: oh good God idr.... Kaze? I know I did Niles in one run... Did I do Stahl in Birthright? Kaze in conquest and Stahl in Birthright sounds right- Three Houses: Dimitri - Engage: haven't played engage. Place your bets for fun

Favorite Fire Emblem class: I like the magic classes! Healing and attacking! Tho Camilla's malig knight does have a special place in my heart 💜

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class? Dark magic user...I do not escape the goth aesthetic.... Unfortunately I am too much of a noodle to be a malig knight 😞

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? Fear the Deer!!! (Side note, bless my luck bc when I ordered a leftover bundle from fodlans fables I got the deer. A cosplayer I look up to also offered me her deer pin from the fe3h preorder bonus which had me 🥹)

If you were an Engage character, which Emblem would you Engage with? I don't know what this means but I copied this from Erica and her answer was funny.

How did you find TOA? I track the Marianne tag on Tumblr and saw the previous Marianne drop. The old shit post emblem group I was in was falling apart and I thought it would be nice to join a new one.

Current TOA muses: Marianne, Camilla, Triandra

Who was your first TOA muse? If you don’t have them anymore, could you see yourself picking them up again? Marianne my cursed little blue bird 💙 I've thought about dropping her, thinking that maybe someone else would do a better job, but I just can't let her go.

Have you had any other TOA muses? Other than cami and Tria nope

Do you think you have a type of character you gravitate towards? Um??? I don't know? I got told that Tria was a Rosie muse when I reserved her so I guess y'all know better than me lol

What do you believe you enjoy writing the most? I like writing horror and setting the scene :) my favorite part about combat events is describing the creatures we're facing from my characters pov

Favorite TOA-related memory: What Kent told Mari in her first lore event about the importance of healers have lived rent free in my memory since it happened. Also Griss trying to blow himself up in the arena and despite his best efforts not succeeding.

Got any delusions that didn’t see the light of day in TOA that you’d like to share? Charlotte is one I've thought about and is the one most likely to send Triandra packing....there are an awful lot of men at the academy who would do a great job taking care of her and her family 😏

[chen-chen-chen-again-chen]

Friends! Hello, hi, hola! It's Wednesday and I'm here! I am finally, after several ice ages, slowly dipping my toes back into the world of My Good Egg, Good morning, good night, good morning AKA the SnowBaz kidnapping meet ugly/cute that turned into a dumb horny rom com.

Here's a snippet from Chapter 4 that I am honestly not sure will make it into the finished fic, but it's fun! Some info redacted for spoilers (if you haven't read Chapter 3):

“Does Simon know things?” Crowley, does Simon know the way that Baz has been lusting after him? Or how Baz has been - mooning over him? Which is more embarrassing?   “No, not necessarily. But he’s the easiest one for me to know, maybe because [REDACTED]. Like right now I know he’s still kind of hungry and he wishes we’d ordered more lime beef, and he’s worried you won’t want to have sex with him anymore because he used to be a disembodied chaos entity that was swallowing up all the magic in the world.”  “That’s-”  “I know you still want to have sex with him,” Winifred says, her gaze withering.

More musings about being back in this world behind the cut, but hello and thank you tags to folks who have tagged me in the past few weeks! (Months? Year?) @shemakesmeforget @ic3-que3n @bookish-bogwitch @nightimedreamersworld @j-nipper-95 @larkral @cutestkilla @aristocratic-otter @confused-bi-queer @imagineacoolusername @thewesterndoor

Y'all, past year has been... wild. It has been a journey. I looked back at this update post from October and then sort of laughed wildly, like, "Oh Baby Chen of the past, oh you sweet summer child."

But! I have finally been able to soften and ease myself back into this kind of writing. My Good Egg (as I call Good morning &c) has always been in the back of my mind, and I have felt so much shame and guilt about leaving that story hanging (see this post that feels like it was written in a different lifetime about why I don't usually post WIPs).

I facilitated a writers' circle yesterday and it was the most intensely fulfilling and joyful thing I have done in a very, very long time. And seeing the writers there, some of whom were sharing their work for the first time, being so fucking brave and honest and intimate and funny and revelatory and generous and so human, paying such loving attention to the world - it has helped me in this process of re-learning how to be brave with my own writing, again.

So here is a secret to tricking My Big Sad Brain. Instead of setting out with the goal "I am going to finish this fic," I am instead telling myself, "What if I just continue this process and see where it goes? What if I just try to get a little bit further than I was before? What if I just play with this silly little story, because it's fun and it gives me joy? What if I try to work out the questions through the story instead of trying to answer them?"

And that is helping, a lot. So as always a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who has touched this story in any way. Your kindness and lack of judgement and infinite patience is such a balm. I know that there are many who would say "You never need to finish it! Your health is more important!" or "Take as much time as you need!" And I am so, so grateful for that. I am so excited to share the rest of this story with you in the future.

Thank you. I love you all. ❤️❤️❤️

[delusionaid]

𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐄𝐑.

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄: min 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍: she/her 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌: discord 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐒: diluc, venti, wagner, (kaeya), baizhu, zhongli, (bosacius), wriothesley, freminet, alhaitham, tighnari, (childe), thoma, (sara) 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄: in rp? meeting a few people who have stayed close friends. certain ships i've written in the past that had my whole entire heart (e.g. crossover crack ship bragi/mitchell), getting to write with the perfect gorion's ward in bg1/2 (i love you, moth), all the countless amazing threads and sometimes metas that kept me awake at night when i wasn't old and tired yet. 𝐑𝐏 𝐏𝐄𝐓 𝐏𝐄𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐒: clique behavior that comes with elitist attitudes and weird attempts to control/rule an rpc or fandom space. callout/cancel culture. thread replies that give me nothing to respond to. god-modding my muses or assuming their actions and emotions. people who obviously don't read rules (everyone forgets things or makes mistakes, that's alright, but sometimes you can tell someone didn't even bother ;) ). ship shaming - it's fiction, kids. any kind of headcanon shaming in general, just be respectful to each other. 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒: anyone i can squeeze copious amounts of angst out of. and guys; i have a clear preference for male characters. 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒: yes 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒: i usually write medium to longer things, it just happens 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄: whenever i don't have time for it 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄: i have multiple traits from multiple of my muses - tho sometimes it's hard to say which traits are actually canon and which i've interpreted into them because i share them and therefore see what i see, ya know? as examples: my tolerance for social gatherings is very alhaitham, my interest in wine is pretty diluc (unless it's sweetened), my work ethics are totally like thoma-- haha, just kidding. i wish. 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘: @basbousah thank you! 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆: all y'all

[quite-right-too]

20 Questions Game

Thank you for the tag @demdifferentstories-29 I want to add that most of my old works on AO3 have since been deleted unfortunately so I'm basically starting from scratch on here.

How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 4 (but I have some plans for more)

2. What's your total AO3 words count?

15,718

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I write almost exclusively for Doctor Who but I'm considering doing other DT crossovers like Broadchurch.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I only have four up right now so I'll just list them in order from most to least.

Dona Nobis Pacem (TenRose modern AU)

TenRose Ask Box Ficlets (ongoing inbox prompt ficlets)

Last Words (post-Journey's End nightmare drabble)

Grand Finale (one shot of @sneakertin's dark!Tentoo AU)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I will always respond to comments. I love the engagement and being able to talk to the readers of my silly little stories. The validation really gets me in the mood to write more.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That title will easily go to Grand Finale because it's DARK. Chapter 17 in TenRose Ask Box Ficlets is also really heartbreaking.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Dona Nobis Pacem is still a WIP but it will be having a happy ending, I promise.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't really written enough to get any hate yet, but I do get a lot of heartbroken readers when I post angst.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I haven't but I do have some planned for the WIP I have going on right now.

It'll be F/M simply because that's the ship I write for and how my fics are written. I don't know if I'll write any F/F or M/M in the future, but it's always a possibility.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have no yet, but wait til y'all see all the little things in my brain.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't believe so but you never know.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I can confidently say that I have not.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't done a legitimate co-written fic yet. I would love to, but I'm not entirely sure of how it would go, especially since most of my work in the past has been educationally related and I've been the sole person working on it.

However, the wonderful @demdifferentstories-29 has been beta-ing Dona Nobis Pacem and she has added a substantial amount to it so I would basically consider it a co-writing situation. Lily is an amazing author and I'm legitimately still giddy to have one of my favorite fic writers beta-ing my silly little thing.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

All time favorite ship will always be TenRose. Obviously, TentooRose is in there mixed in, but that's simply semantics. He IS the Doctor so...

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I don't know that I have one that I don't intend on finishing, but I always worry that my muse will just disappear on me and I won't be able to finish the few that I have started right now.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I like to think that my angst is pretty damn good. I used to do a bit of writing for an old OC RP I used to do and the angst of that was heavy.

Also, making sure things are accurate. Doing my research, reaching out to more knowledgable people on the topic who can better assist, and just overall covering my bases to make things as realistic, accurate, and respectful as possible.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm more of an essay/research proposal writer versus a novel writer, which means I have a lot of issues with telling and not showing. Another major issue is, again, being able to give accurate and intimate descriptions of the actual scene so the readers are able to visualize it themselves.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't know that I would do great since I would have to rely on Google Translate for it, but I would absolutely be willing to add it in there.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

It has always been Doctor Who. I know my old fics are still on this blog somewhere, as well as probably on my old laptop wherever it is.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

The obvious answer would be Dona Nobis Pacem, but I have a lot of plans for the Grand Finale AU in the future. That is one I'm super excited to work on this coming winter.

Tagging: @thirdeyeblue @tenroseforeverandever @rudennotgingr @lastbluetardis @gingerteaonthetardis

[latremoille]

hey.... how y'all doing....

HSHQTASK059:

when did you join ? what made you join ? what do you remember from the plotlines that were current at the time ? where were you in life when you joined and where are you now ?

dec 2015 if my blog's archive is to be believed akjsdbgksjdgb CRAZY ABSOLUTELY CRAZY almost a full decade. jesus christ. the plotlines weren't big or that remarkable ( sry ). petty drama... THAT I LIVED FOR. i was in high school!!!! that's so crazy. now i've graduated (duh), worked, worked, worked, studied, studied, studied... my life's been really busy these past few years and it has definitely showed in my activity. i've wanted NOTHING as much as to enjoy these last moments of hshq ( bc lbr we all could feel the end coming ) but i just couldn't find the energy and i kept pushing it and now ! now hshq has closed and i have to accept that :(

which characters have you written over the years ?

gaia <3 my first baby. lykke / nike, bastiaan, gahye, iéna, sasha, calix, riku... i think someone else but i just cannot remember tbh i wouldn't have remembered riku if the blog didn't exist lmao

what is your favourite plotline that you've been part of ?

i think vivi x lykke ? writing them taught me a lot. martha FORCED me to give my best with her amazing replies and i think i really improved a lot in a short amount of time. lykke, who was such a caricature, evolved into something slightly deeper. martha ily and you are so dear to me. i've written so much with you and you've always inspired me and helped to keep my muse up <3 there's a reason why i wanted to bring iéna and that reason was u, puss och kram but that's the nostalgia speaking. i have to mention joce and ani. the friendships gaia and lykke had with ani were so important to me. i don't think i ever wrote a friendship that compared to the ones i had written with you <3 but jo................. JO JO JO getting to write with you was such a privilege !!!!!!!!!!!!! i think i could have written lisaia forever and i still regret not getting to see where niray would have gone. you always had a little spark and i hope you recognize it in yourself <3 and evy.... bitch did you think i wouldn't put you and our crazy surprise pregnancy plot here. it was wild. especially at the time because i swear it was one of the first pregnancy plots i had ever seen in a rp. and i couldn't BELIEVE it when we actually got to write it from start to finish ??? retrospectively, 9 months is nothing at hshq but at the time ??? it ???? felt ??? like ??? an ??? accomplishment ????? my teen-almost-an-adult self was shocked E!!!!!!! something about your writing always made it sooooo easy to keep things organic. i think if i had to pick just ONE thread, olykke's first outing might be it. it started a huge mess and i enjoyed their adventure from start to finish. it stands out to me <3 jude, you and i were the flaky bitches, me more than you. but where the hell would lykke be if it wasn't for johanne ? where the hell would i be if it wasn't for your exciting little replies ??? i was sooo sad when you retired anton. he was the first piece to be lost. and now we're here. and i'm sad. and i'm glad we got to meet and write together. #teamwonderbrows i'm not ending this section without thanking XEE !!!! just thinking about layla makes me emo. i feel like i know you because i know layla. idk if that sounds weird and if my opinion is so wrong. but you were always so kind and helpful and i loved throwing lykke at layla <3333

what about other people's plotlines ?

sol maturing. i think it broke me a bit when i read a reply and i realized this character isn't a girl anymore. which naturally meant that none of us were girls anymore. i also loved frelucien. i don't know why they had me so hooked but i feel like i have to mention them since they were the first to pop into my mind.

if you could relive a plotline, which would it be ?

the 6 way thread joce mentioned skjdgbdskjgbs it was SO DUMB but i loved every second of it. a big group thread was a new concept back then so that added to the excitement. we were SOOO active, otherwise it wouldn't have worked. everyone wrote their reply in a matter of 4 hours or something. also i found it.

is there a plotline that you'd edit now if you could ?

i'd add to everything. i'd spend even more time on tumblr dot com and i'd make sure i would have zero regrets!!!!!

what's a plotline you wish you would have been able to finish before closing or just write more of ?

hmm ? maybe some sort of an ending for bash and ariel ? idk where they would have ended up and i think i would have liked to know. but bc i hate planning and i love organic shit, i don't think i ever will skgbsdjkgb one last thread with vivi and lykke, the og lykke not the nike version. i think it would be a full circle and i would be able to get over hshq ending. or maybe i'd love to write a happy ending for lisaia. idk if it was only me but they were endgame and i would have liked to see it.

what is your favourite ooc memory ?

i cannot pinpoint one single time but i think what made hshq an absolute joy to be part of, was the rapid ims. i loved that plotting was so easy and that everyone was always so excited when there was a new idea or a new character or a new anything. i think it's exceptional that within hshq we could have INNER JOKES like loads of them. we could reference memorable one liners!!! that's brilliant and special!!!!! i rly loved chatting with you <3 i will miss it <3

where can others find you if they want to get in touch ?

i'm already a stranger !

what else would you like to say ?

when i think of hshq, i think of the end of my teenage life and the beginning of my adult life. i've been here longer than i've been in any school. that's insane. i've had time to process this but it still feels very hard to just let hshq rest. i came and went. i was flaky towards the end ( sorry about that ), but it was so nice to know that whenever i'd get my shit together, i could just login, send a little message to the main and i'd be back to writing in a matter of hours. no one ever shamed me or made me feel bad about my poor activity and i am so thankful for that. we really grew up together and we spent so many years together crafting these amazing plotlines and touching stories. i hope all you continue writing because you all have a knack for it and the world deserves to read your writing <3 i really think my life would have been more boring without this silly little hobby. hshq was the CREAM CREAMMMM of rping. hshq helped me through a few lonely periods of my life as well when everything else but this corner of internet was changing and i wasn't keeping up with the times. hshq <3 anne 4ever thank you, and bye for now, i find it too hard to believe that we wouldn't talk again !!! i'll be checking my messages for a while so pls don't hesitate to message me <3 i'm still down to write something short if someone feels very inspired !!

[gralunaisland]

GralunaIsland's 1 Year Anniversary!

I have no clue if it's cringe or not, but I just wanted to celebrate my blog's 1 year anniversary of existence a little!!

On this very day last year, October 21, 2021, I made my first Tumblr post, and it's been such a fun ride ever since.

Not only have I made some lasting, dear friendships because of it, it's just been a blast running it, because, yes, I get to run my mouth on a subject I feel so strongly about, but mostly because it's introduced me to a wonderful community of likeminded individuals and even some who disagree yet are so kind!

Continuing with the celebration, I'm shouting out some of my favorite followers/friends/visitors to my blog as a thank you for your kindness! (so sorry if this is embarrassing you; if it does, just dm me and I’ll edit it right away!)

@youthinkofacoolname My near and dear tumblr best friend, you've been my greatest supporter! Always giving me advice and discussing gr///via so wisely with me, even just chatting about whatever, and always understanding when life keeps me busy, not to mention liking all my posts and just being generally awesome! You're the best!! (Accept it!!)

@walkinginfiction My first amazing Tumblr friend who's very special to me, you’ve been here since the beginning! Even though you’re super busy with life, which is totally understandable, whenever you’re here, you give some of the kindest, most helpful support, and your comments are just so well thought out and intentional!

@pinkoperatorpursepie You're honestly just the sweetest person ever (with the absolutely cutest profile picture!!), always so on top of liking my posts as soon as they're posted. Your loyalty and vigilance mean so much to me! You're seriously one of my favorite followers!

@teamcharlastor You might change your username constantly, but you yourself never change! You’re so fun to talk with and you’re always sending me so many asks with great insight or questions! You’re such a great friend to me! Thank you for helping me keep the Anti gr///via fandom alive with your own posts on your blog too!

@bonnielass23 You've said some of the kindest things to me ever on this blog, and you're so thoughtful in your asks and comments! Your insight is superb! And your fanfics are brilliant! I utterly enjoy reading them; thank you for sharing them with me! Such a sweet person!

@nashadragneel Bestie, you're such a kind, amazing person! We may disagree on certain things, but our friendship is a testament that you can do so and look past your differences and live in harmony! You're a stellar individual!

@meancetosociety You’re such a sweetheart! You're so understanding, and you share your absolutely delightful head-canon and fanfic ideas with me and even ask for my humble opinion! I love talking to you!

@perfectlyimperfectcharacterfan Your insightful comments truly leave me in awe! I appreciate the meticulous attention you give my posts and for sharing your intelligent musings with me! They really have me thinking even deeper into the analyses I post, and I really appreciate how you push me to do so just by simply being a clever, sharp individual.

@nillajinx Last, but definitely not least-- your support really astounds me! You reblog so many of my posts I can’t even keep track! The appreciation I have for you knows no bounds. Thank you so much!

But also, huge thank you to all my followers and to everyone who even just reads my posts! >_<

Continuing on the celebration haha, in honor of 1 year of running this blog, over the course of today, I'll be reblogging some of my most favorite posts I've written over the year. I have no idea if other blogs do this, but if they don't I guess I'll just be the first to start this tradition!

My goal is that it'll let my new followers get a chance to see some of the older things I've written, and maybe some of my old followers will get to reread something they liked.

Lastly, just an update, I'm still getting through all my wonderful asks, so thank y'all so much for your infinite patience with me! Today my family came up to visit me from my hometown, so I don’t have too much time to myself rn, but things are getting done, I assure you (ง’̀-‘́)ง

Thank you all again for the support, and here’s to another year of Anti gr///via content!🎉

[dirtyoldmanhole]

while waiting on a recap meeting with my boss, i am ... writing notes about what i want this 40k word slowburn gunter x femui fic to accomplish :v

(so backing up -)

writing these short ficlets is making it painfully obvious to do any kind of character study right, i gotta invest in more words here; he's too complex to distill down to one or two scenes, ditto with his dynamic with her. he's hiding too much.

(and honestly, i have always had a soft spot for those epically long slow burn age gap relationship studies; i specifically hunt them out in every fandom, and think making this for gunter fans would be one hell of a gift to this corner of the fates fandom. think pet project, which i feel like fans of a certian age and similar ship taste would recognize. there's a certian sad, poetic irony how both of these men were doomed to death by canon, and I'm vividly reminded of this quote again, mirroring my current feelings.

endurance wise, this is going to be tough - but i've written that amount of words before for past NaNos, beta'd for quite a few novels, and i think this leans enough on all of my favorite tropes i wouldn't get bored halfway through. i also plan to do companion illustrations that will help brainstorm bits as well. the fact this outline is gelling together phenomenally well to the point i already have most of the scenes summarized and falling into place speaks well.)

but back to what i would like this fic to focus on:

can he and kamui have a loving but realistic relationship while he's being tempted by anankos? (think, if they had the Conquest C-S supports in Revelations) if she's around him more, does that reduce anankos' hold on his hatreds? is that enough to change the endgame?

how do they navigate hooking up through the campaign in "closet mode" with all the eyes on them? how do they handle the nohr royalty finding out? (since i feel like hoshido royalty cares less). who reacts badly, who doesn't? who's squicked out by the class differences? (age difference/psuedo-incest too, but given the slight realisim bent, it feels like they'd be more fussed about the former). despite the heaviness, i feel like this is prime territory for some genuinely endearing characterization moments.

can kamui grow past her childhood crush on him and mature into seeing him in a different light? (in turn, can he too, also see her as somebody more nuanced than a princess to be used or simply a mentee to teach bitterly? can he have the bravery to reach out through his loneliness, and bare his heart and scars?) how does their romance change with the flavors over time? from pining to confession to deep physical intimacy?

bluntly, too, on that last point, how do they work around the age difference in terms of sexual mechanics and libido? how does kamui draw him out emotionally, and make him feel like a man again, rather than a ghost or a rusted weapon? how do they stumble into their white-hot sexual appetite for each other, and how do they handle the kinks and taboos that they both wrestle with? (how does gunter in particular wrestle with the guilt of his desire?)

can he and kamui come to terms with the fridge horror of the northern fortress times? can he make amends for his acts there -- if he's the head of security/her bodyguard/perfectly aware of how Garon kidnapped her, and almost executing Silas, as just a few examples. how does kamui reconcile that with her feelings for him?

and -

can i make y'all cry several times LOL

god help me, and I swear by my Muse, I am going to give this man a goddamn happy ending. he's going to have to earn it, but it will be there.

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

Chapter 4 The Ultimate Fake Boyfriend.

You know what? I just realized that I never posted the last chapter I did for The Ultimate (Fake) Boyfriend. This chapter is not complete unfortunately. I think I was trying to finish it but ran into some problems, which I did fix, but made it harder for me to find the energy to keep going with the story. Oof.

Anyway! Here is the unfinished chapter 4 (the last chapter I have written) for my mini fic TUFB. It introduces some more OC characters, so be warned. If anyone wants to know what ideas I had/have for the rest of this story, feel free to send me an ask and I can write them all down! I have this entire story mapped out in my head and know exactly where I want it to go, which is part of the problem. To me, it's already finished. I just have to write it all down for y'all to enjoy it, which is the tedious part. 😬 Oh well. Maybe one day... if I ever finish TPWM.

Last thing! I have another Ishimondo fic that is in similar WIP Hell. Would anyone be interested in seeing it here? It's based on that tweet by... someone from Danganronpa (I forget who at the moment and am too tired to go looking) about how Mondo and Taka would move in after high school and be too stupid to realize they're in love, or something. In this fic, they're in their mid twenties and Mondo is the one who is too stupid to realize he's in love, though it's questionable if Taka realizes it, since the fic is in Mondo's POV. The only chapter fully finished is the first, but I have a lot of small scenes written for later chapters that make some sense alone. I also really like the first chapter, ha. Anyway, let me know if you'd be interested! If even one person comments or messages me about it I'll work towards posting it. ^-^

(Here are the previous chapters if you want to refresh before this one, since it's been a bit.)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

4 The Ultimate (Fake) Boyfriend. 

Mondo spends the next hour lying down quietly while his kyoudai sleeps, his eyes closed but sleep not finding him. He didn’t expect it to, though, so it’s not like he minds. He mostly just wants to be close to Taka, really. It relaxes him more than words can say to just let his kyoudai hold him, not worrying about ‘manliness’ or being weak or whatever other bullshit he usually worries about. Maybe it’s pathetic, but he knows Taka won’t judge him. He… he never fucking does. 

However, lying still has never been something Mondo’s been particularly good at, so in order to not die of boredom, he lets his mind wander, flitting between various thoughts and daydreams. He makes sure to steer clear of anything that would anger or upset him, not wanting to ruin the peace being held by Taka has given him. 

At some point during his musings, he lets his thoughts turn to Taka, a smile rising on his lips as he thinks of his kyoudai. Of all the things they’ve done together and the many good times they’ve had. Like the first time he convinced the dude to go out on his hog, Taka screaming his head off the entire time, arms so tight around Mondo’s waist that he’s positive he had almost bust a rib. But then, once they stopped, Taka had had the brightest grin, claiming that the ride made him feel /exhilarated/. Or the time he took Taka to meet Daiya for the first time, Mondo so fucking nervous that they wouldn’t like one another, only to feel so fucking relieved when the two got on like a house on fire. Taka had even been very respectful about Dai’s injuries that he’s been struggling with since the crash, somehow managing to be both considerate and helpful while not being condescending. Or their ‘epic’ snowball fight that first winter, which slowly turned into an all out war between them, with multiple classmates slowly getting roped into the expanding battle. Or… well. The list goes on and on, really. It makes his smile widen to think of how much he and Taka have done together. How much the teen has helped him over the past years. 

And he has. Helped him. So goddamn much. In so many different ways. Case in point, Mondo never would have had the guts to sign up for that woodworking elective class that Hope’s Peak offers if not for Taka’s enthusiastic encouragement, the hall monitor telling him all the goddamn time how he believed that Mondo could do it. That Mondo wouldn’t fail at it like he feared he would, that he wouldn’t prove himself right about how there is absolutely no future available to him. Taka had slowly but surely convinced him to try it even despite his fears, and now woodworking is his favorite fucking class, the only one he honestly feels /excited/ to attend. 

He still doesn’t think he’s that great at it, but he’s built so many fucking things for his room now, like a slightly crooked chair, and a surprisingly stable shelf. Not to mention all of things he’s whittled, since he finds that whittling actually helps calm him down after one of his rages. His first projects looked like utter shit, looking nothing like he wanted, but his more recent ones have started looking almost decent. And he just… he never would have gained the courage to take the class if not for his kyoudai. Nor would he have had the confidence to keep going after all of his numerous fuck ups during the first few weeks. 

The point is… honestly, he doesn’t know the point. Just… Taka is important. So fucking important. And as he lies on Taka’s broad, surprisingly comfortable chest, letting his mind wander down the memories he treasures the most, feeling so warm and full inside even despite the earlier negative emotions and uncertainty… he remembers why he’s doing this. And why he has to ensure he doesn’t screw this up. Outside of Daiya, Taka is easily the most important person in his life. He’s even surpassed the gang, he’s that fucking important. He’d walk through hell and back for his kyoudai, he truly would. And part of him thinks that Taka would do the same for him, even if he’d never want the teen to go through anything like that for his sake. It’s give and take, really. That’s why they work so well. 

Mondo continues to daydream for most of the afternoon, not sure what time it is since his phone is in his pocket and there are no windows in this tiny ass, dark as shit closet, but it doesn’t matter. Taka has a frighteningly accurate internal clock that somehow always wakes him up exactly when he needs to be up for any given event, with time to spare to get ready. Mondo relies on that internal clock a lot, honestly. 

However… it’s after what Mondo assumes must be around an hour that something changes in their little space. And it has nothing to do with Taka. 

At first, Mondo isn’t entirely sure what it is. His eyes are closed and nothing has really changed from what he can tell, but just… shit. He can’t fucking explain it, but there’s just something /different/ about the room now. He furrows his brow as he thinks about this, examining his surroundings as best he can. Listening close, he can still hear the faint sound of people talking and passing through rooms, the same shit he’s been hearing this entire time since the walls are thin as shit in this place. So, it’s not that that’s different. It’s nothing he can smell either. Thinking on it, it’s more… a feeling. Like… like he’s being /watched/ or something. But that’s fucking ridiculous. It’s just him and Taka in this small, dark closet… 

Right?

A minute passes, the sense he’s being watched growing with each passing second, until Mondo can’t take it anymore. With a heavy sigh, he opens his eyes and lifts his head from Taka’s chest, even though he’d been trying not to do that and break the peace inside him. Feeling annoyed at himself, he turns towards the door and lets his eyes land on the doorway. 

And promptly finds a pair of eyes staring back at him. 

“The fuck…?” Mondo mutters, blinking in shock, immediately on alert. He half sits up, forgetting everything as he looks at the unexpected intruder. As he does so, he realizes that one of the things he’d subconsciously noticed earlier was that it’s now a bit brighter inside the room. With the door closed, the closet had been mostly dark, with only a little light leaking in through the thin sliding door. Now, though, the door is open, causing the figure to be silhouetted by the faint light from the hallway. As such, all he can see are their wide eyes and their silhouetted head, which seem to be tilted in question. What in the goddamn fuck…

“That’s a bad word,” the intruder claims, their voice far higher and younger sounding than he’d been expecting. Blinking, Mondo squints and forces his eyes to adjust to the light, and is absolutely floored to see a young child standing in the doorway of the closet, still mostly shrouded in shadow, though he can make out some details. Like how their eyes seem to be bright red. Which is, uh…  shit. Not good. “Mommy says that you shouldn’t say bad words. It’s not nice.” 

Mondo can only blink at the words, his mind blanking as he’s faced with what must be another of Taka’s cousins, though this one is a lot smaller than he’s used to dealing with. Mondo honestly can’t recall the last time he’s been around a goddamn /kid/. Shit, he doesn’t think he’s done that since he was a kid himself. Fuck… and of course he would fucking /swear/ in front of one of the literal worst persons to swear in front of, god fucking dammit…

“Uh… y-yeah. Yer, uh… yer ma’s right. Ain’t good ta swear. Sorry,” Mondo mumbles, too taken aback to remember to use his more ‘respectable’ voice. He’s just so fucking floored. And kind of tired. While he hadn’t been sleeping, it had been very peaceful to lie on Taka and just daydream. Having to face a kid, let alone one of Taka’s endless fucking cousins immediately after that is… yeah. Not fun. Especially since Taka is, of course, merrily sleeping on, none the wiser that one of his cousins is standing there, watching him sleep…

Thankfully, the kid doesn’t seem put off by his accent. From what he can see, the kid just gives him a toothy grin, head still titled. 

“That’s okay! Just don’t do it again, or else mommy will wash your mouth out with soap like she did with my ani when he said a bad word. Why are you lying on cousin Taka?” the kid asks quickly, not giving him much time to process whatever they’re saying. And he’s not sure, since they’re still mostly in shadow, but based on how high pitched the voice is, Mondo thinks the kid may be a girl… or a very high pitched boy. Which is also possible, especially with young kids. Shit.

“Uh… w-well, we’re uh… ya know. Together,” Mondo states awkwardly, shifting so he’s fully seated, though he makes sure to leave Taka the blanket. Sitting up puts him about eye level with the kid, which honestly makes him feel a little better, since he can at least see them better now. They look young, but not super young, so he guesses they’re not Samantha then… 

“What does that mean?” the kid asks before he can try and figure out which kid this is, flooring him again. Uh… shit. How to fucking explain this in a way a kid will understand…

“Uh… it means we’re datin’,” Mondo says slowly. When the kid doesn’t show any signs that they understand, Mondo awkwardly tries to explain a different way. “Uh… like… ya know. We go out on dates together an’ stuff. An’… we uh… ya know. Love each other? Uh…”

Despite himself, Mondo feels his cheeks heat up at that last part. While it’s not unusual for a couple who is dating to be in love, it makes him feel weird to say that kind of shit about him and Taka, even if just an act. And it’s not like he doesn’t love Taka, right? He does. Very much so. Just… as a friend. A brother. Not like /that/. Not… ya know. Romantically. 

At least that seems to make sense to the kid, as their eyes light up, nodding their head quickly as they smile at him. 

“Oh! Like mommy and daddy, right?” 

Mondo blinks once, before nodding slowly, giving a single shrug. 

“Uh… yeah, kinda. I’m his boyfriend,” Mondo explains further, wondering if the kid will question that too. However, it seems that they understand that one, since they nod again, still smiling. 

“Cool! What’s your name?” the kid asks, eyes wide as they lean into the closet, closer to him. 

Mondo pauses, debating if he should answer or not, remembering what happened the last time he gave his name. Well… it would be rude not to… and it’s unlikely that a kid would know who the fuck he is, so… whatever. Fuck it. 

“Uh… I’m Mondo. Mondo Owada.” 

Like he’d expected, the kid shows no sign that they recognize his name. They just nod quickly, smile still bright. 

“Cool!! I’m Rini, wanna go see my dollies? I have soooo many at home, but mommy told me I could only bring three with me. I brought Ren and Ruki, who are sisters who hate each other and are fighting for the love of Haru. He’s the third dolly I brought. You can be Haru if you wanna, since you’re a boy!” 

Mondo stares at the kid— who he now realizes is, indeed, a girl, and is also sadly the youngest daughter of Taka’s fucking homophobic aunt— without a single clue as to what to say. Obviously, he doesn’t want to do that shit; he’s almost a grown ass man, he doesn’t fucking /play with dolls/. But how to say that without hurting the kid’s feelings…? Like he said, he doesn’t spend time with kids much, but he knows better than to be an asshole to a fucking /kid/. That shit’s about as bad as punching an old lady. Maybe even worse, really. 

Fortunately (or not…), before Mondo has to figure out how to gently say no to the kid, an unholy screech sounds through the house. It’s so loud it finally rouses Taka, who bolts upright with wide, bleary eyes, clearly not fully awake. Mondo doesn’t have time to get the teen reacquainted to the land of the living, because then… then he can begin making out the words that are being said. Which are… shit. Not very good. 

“-INI! RINI, WHERE ON EARTH ARE YOU?! IF YOU DON’T COME HERE RIGHT NOW, THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!! RINI!” 

Mondo looks down at the kid in the doorway, who is now cowering down against the frame, looking so much smaller than even a six year old girl should look. It honestly breaks Mondo’s heart, and he has to fight to not rush over to the kid and make sure she never, ever gets hurt. Fuck… he hates it when people yell at kids… shit’s the fucking worst… 

“Uh oh…” Rini mumbles, meeting his look with wide eyes. She then looks to the side in just enough time for a hand to appear on her shoulder, the girl letting out a high pitched yelp at the touch. 

“There you are! My goodness child, how many times do I have to tell you not to wander off?! You were supposed to be helping your brothers unpack your things in your room, not wandering about! I swear, I don’t know /what/ to do with you some days,” a sharp, exasperated voice calls, causing Rini to shrink down, her eyes falling to the floor in what Mondo can tell is shame. It honestly pisses him the /fuck/ off, but he reins it in, knowing that exploding ain’t gonna help anyone. He really has to call on every anger management bullshit that Taka’s been feeding him this last year in order to stop his anger from consuming him, though…

“I- I’m sorry mommy… I was just looking around… but I found cousin Taka! And cousin Taka’s boyfriend, Mondo-san! He’s sooo cool!! And he’s really nice, and fun to talk to, and he loves cousin Taka, and he’s gonna play dollies with me, and-“

“You /what/?!” the lady exclaims, cutting the girl off. Rudely, in Mondo’s opinion. He can feel his anger spike when he sees Rini shrink down even further, trying to shy away from her ma’s touch, though the lady is holding the girl too tightly for that. And considering that Mondo is nearly positive he knows /exactly/ who this fucking lady is, it’s getting really hard to reel that anger in… “Rini, what did I tell you before coming here?! What on earth is the matter with you?! Can’t you listen?!”

Rini’s eyes start to water then, and Mondo can see her lip wobbling. She looks up at them sadly, before looking up at her ma, her expression turning guilty. Mondo can feel Taka shift beside him, reminding him that the teen is there, but he doesn’t take his eyes off the scene before him, his breathing getting a bit too heavy. S-shit…

“I… I know… b-but I love cousin Taka… he’s always nice to me and plays games with me, even if his games don’t make much sense… a-and Mondo-san was gonna play dollies with me, and I was gonna let him be Haru, since he’s a boy… I- I know you said I shouldn’t talk to them, that there’s something wrong with them, but I don’t understand why. Cousin Taka is nice, and Mondo-san is nice too… why can’t I talk to them anymore?” 

While it’s still kinda dark, Mondo can see that the lady’s face is turning red, her eyes pinched as she looks down at her daughter. It makes Mondo’s hands clench, his anger rising rapidly. 

“We already talked about this, Rini. If you cannot understand basic orders, then there truly is no hope for you. Now, come along. You still need to unpack your things and get settled. If I see you talking to either your cousin or his… /whatever/ again, then believe me, there will be consequences. Come, Rini.” 

The lady strides away then, leaving Rini behind, though it’s clear she expects the girl to follow. Mondo’s heart clenches as he watches the poor kid look wide eyed between them and her ma, clearly not knowing what to do. Taka shifts next to him again, and Mondo can tell he’s also upset with what’s going on. Deeply so. 

“A-ah… i-it’s okay, Rini. Y-you can go after your mother. It… it’s alright,” Taka says softly after a moment. Mondo finally glances over at the teen at the words and feels his heart break even more when he sees a sad, yet also resigned look on Taka’s face. It also makes him even angrier, Jesus Christ… honestly, /fuck/ Taka’s aunt. Lady can go burn in hell for all he cares… shit… 

“B-but… I… o-okay… I don’t know why mommy doesn’t want me to talk to you… I’m sorry…” Rini mumbles, looking at the ground, shifting awkwardly. A beat passes, and then they can hear Taka’s aunt call for Rini again, voice sharp and angry. Rini winces, gives them one last, unhappy look, before darting off after her ma, leaving them behind without a word more. As she runs off, Mondo develops a bad taste in his mouth, his stomach churning angrily. So. Not only is Taka’s aunt a no-good, motherfucking /homophobe/, but she’s also a piece of shit ma, too. Figures. It does tend to work that way. 

The silence between him and Taka is stifling in the aftermath of that shitshow, neither of them really knowing what to say. What can they fucking say in response to that goddamn shit? Fuck… /fuck/, Mondo hates this. So fucking much. 

Just when the silence is about to consume them, the tension unbearable, Mondo feels Taka shift to face him, his eyebrows furrowed with a bitter frown on his face. 

“What… w-what happened, kyoudai? I think I missed some of that… I’m sorry…” Taka says softly again, sounding so fucking /sad/ it physically hurts. Mondo shakes his head sharply in reply, turning on the mat to face Taka, eyes intent. 

“Nah, don’t fuckin’ apologize man. Ain’t yer goddamn fault. Just… I was kinda dozin’, not really asleep, when I felt like someone was starin’ at me. When I looked up, yer cousin was there. We talked fer a bit, it was awkward, an’ then… /then/ yer fuckin’ aunt started screamin’ her goddamn head off. That’s when ya woke up, so ya know the rest. An’ can I just fuckin’ say that I fuckin’ /hate/ yer goddamn aunt? Fuckin’ homophobic, abusive piece a’ goddamn /shit/,” Mondo curses, so angry it’s not funny. He swears, if he didn’t have a rule against hitting ladies (though he’s fairly certain this fucker doesn’t qualify), and if she weren’t unfortunately Taka’s family… well. Let’s just say he’d be feeling a whole lot better right about now… 

“A-ah… I- I see. Well, I’m sorry you had to experience that, kyoudai. I… I knew that Aunt Ryoko didn’t, um… /approve/ of my sexuality, but I had hoped that it wouldn’t affect anything at the gathering. I… see now that I was wrong… I- I… I’m sorry…” 

Mondo scowls at the faltering words, shaking his head sharply and shifting to be closer to Taka. He can see that Taka’s eyes are wide and watery, which he knows from experience means he’s about five seconds away from bursting into tears, which is utter /bullshit/. Needing to get Taka to listen to him and pay the fuck attention, he lifts his hand and cups the teen’s cheek firmly, ensuring he has his attention. Once he sees Taka staring at him with wide eyes, his mouth open slightly in surprise, Mondo begins. 

“Listen here an’ listen good, okay? That shit /ain’t/ yer fuckin’ fault. Not a single, fuckin’ thing. Yer aunt is a fuckin’ piece a’ shit who’s got shit fer brains, an’ it ain’t got nothin’ ta do with you. Ya hear me? So, don’t fuckin’ ‘pologize fer her bullshit. Ya’ve done nothin’ ta deserve it. Absolutely fuckin’ /nothin’/.” 

Mondo keeps his eyes steady on his kyoudai, and as such he can see the second the first tear begins to fall. But Mondo can tell by the small smile on Taka’s lips that they’re not tears of unhappiness, but just… emotion. His kyoudai has always been super emotional… Mondo used to look down upon Taka for it, back before they were kyoudai, but now he almost envies the dude. He doesn’t even remember the last time he cried. Not without hating himself for it. Taka, though, has always been able to cry so easily, and it’s… good. It’s definitely helped show Mondo that dudes can cry and show emotion, and yet still be strong. There’s no one stronger than his kyoudai, after all. 

“I… I know that, k-kyoudai… I just… I don’t know. I greatly dislike this whole situation. I knew that coming out would make things more challenging, just like I knew that bringing my supposed boyfriend with me would create tension. And yet… despite knowing this and preparing for it, I still feel so lost. I simply don’t know what to do here, kyoudai, and you know how much I hate not knowing things. I… I’m also very tired… this was not exactly the best way to awaken,” Taka states solemnly, sounding so fucking serious it actually makes Mondo snort even despite the severity of the situation. He can see Taka pout, but he doesn’t think the dude is hurt, thankfully. With a shrug and a sigh, Mondo sobers up and does his best to respond. 

“Shit, yeah. I know man. Ya think I know what the fuck is goin’ on? I just spoke ta a fuckin’ /infant/ who wants me ta play fuckin’ /dollies/ with her. An’ now, since yer fuckin’ aunt don’t want me ta do that shit, of course I gotta do it just ta fuckin’ spite her. Shit fuckin’ /sucks/. But don’t ya think fer a fuckin’ second it’s yer fault, got me? An’ y’ain’t gotta take it when people say that kinda shit ta ya. Ya deserve more than that shit. Yer the best fuckin’ person I ever fuckin’ met, an’ that’s fuckin’ that. I ain’t gonna hear ya say otherwise.” 

More tears begin to fall down Taka’s face, and Mondo finally gives in and wraps his arms around the teen, pulling him close. Taka goes easily, sniffling as he buries his face against Mondo’s chest, snuggling to get closer. It makes Mondo smile, his heart giving a little lurch at the sight. But fuck, if his kyoudai ain’t cute as shit… 

The pair remain like that for a while, just holding onto one another in their dark room. The door is still open a little, but no one passes so Mondo doesn’t pay it any mind. It’s so much nicer to just hold his kyoudai and forget everything than to worry about all that other shit. He’ll have to eventually but… not right now. Right now, he’s holding Taka as the dude slowly calms himself down. And that’s all that fucking matters. 

Eventually Taka does pull away, wiping his eyes with a shaky smile. Mondo lets him go reluctantly, unhappy with it but knowing he’s gotta. 

“T-thank you, kyoudai… you are right, like usual! This situation is not my fault, I am simply being myself and that’s what should matter! I… thank you, Mondo. You truly are too good to me,” Taka smiles softly at him, his eyes soft as butter. It makes Mondo want to pull him close again, to feel his warmth against him, but he knows he can’t, so he doesn’t. He just lets Taka look down at his watch, the dude’s eyes widening at whatever he sees there. 

“Ah! It’s getting late! Great Aunt Hana and Grandmother Kichi expect people to be at dinner at 6:00 promptly, and it’s almost 5:55! I- I am sorry, my dearest kyoudai, but I must put my uniform back on immediately! I-“

“Go, ya dork. I’ll change back inta 

my fuckin’ get up too, shit,” Mondo interrupts, rolling his eyes and standing up. He knows better than to argue with Taka about this kinda shit by this point. The dude is so fucking anal that Mondo is positive he will spontaneously combust if he doesn’t immediately start getting ready for this dinner. Wasting time by arguing will just upset him more and Mondo… shit. He definitely doesn’t want that. 

Taka gives him a grateful look as he stands to get his gear, turning the single lightbulb the closet has on so they can see better, though it’s still fucking dark as shit. Mondo turns to the uncomfortable polo shirt and black slacks he and Taka bought at a night market a few days prior, wrinkling his nose at the uncomfortable outfit. 

“I fuckin’ hate this goddamn shit,” Mondo mumbles as he shimmies into the slacks, which are a thin, highly uncomfortable material. He supposes he can’t be shocked since he got them for ¥400, but still. “I don’t know how the fuck ya dress in that goddamn outfit a’ yers every goddamn day. Seems uncomfortable as shit.” 

“It’s actually not that bad, kyoudai! I find it very comfortable! And convenient!” Taka responds, looking over at him as he zips up his fly. Mondo snorts, knowing the dude means it fully even though it’s complete bullshit, but Taka ignores that. “Thank you for agreeing to wear that outfit, though! I think you look very sharp in it!” 

Mondo feels his cheeks heat up at the compliment, and feels a bit too flustered to respond. Instead, he just shrugs sharply and turns back to his clothes, getting dressed as quick as he can. Taka does the same and they spend a minute in silence as they dress. 

Mondo is just finishing up combing his hair out and putting it in his half pony when he hears Taka let out a noise of dismay. Turning to face the hall monitor, he sees Taka with his hands up near his hair, a distressed look on his face. 

“Everythin’ good, kyoudai?”

Taka turns to face him, pout on his lips. 

“Ah, kind of! Or… not really! I mean… well! It’s just that my hair is out of order, but we don’t have any time for me to head to the bathroom to fix it! And it is highly unprofessional to walk around with mused hair! It is not that big of a problem, I suppose… just highly annoying!” Taka exclaims, nodding his head for emphasis. Mondo can’t help but smirk at the comment, snorting softly. Honestly, he’d noticed that Taka’s hair was a bit all over the place and not all contained and spiky like the teen prefers, but Mondo hadn’t mentioned it because it honestly suits him. 

He knows how much Taka hates that shit, though, and so he doesn’t hesitate a second before gesturing for the hall monitor to move closer to him. Taka does so without hesitation, though Mondo can see the confused look Taka gives him. The look vanishes once Mondo lifts the hand that’s still holding his comb, running it gently through Taka’s hair. 

“A-ah-! M-Mondo, you… you needn’t do that, kyoudai… I can handle it myself! … besides, it’s unsanitary to share a comb,” Taka mumbles, his entire face bright red as Mondo determinedly combs the knots and kinks out of his best friend’s hair. With a snort, Mondo tugs gently on a silky strand, ignoring the flare of heat that blooms in his belly at the feel. 

“Shut the fuck up, Kiyo. Ain’t like I got fuckin’ fleas or shit. An’ I don’t fuckin’ mind combin’ yer hair, man. Don’t make a big fuckin’ deal outta it,” Mondo mumbles back, his own cheeks stupidly pink. He can tell that the hall monitor isn’t exactly happy at the situation, his lips pulled down in a little pout, but he doesn’t offer any more complaints. 

However, after a few moments of careful combing, Mondo can feel Taka’s shoulders relax, the teen letting out a soft, happy sounding sigh as his eyes close with contentment. The heat in Mondo’s cheeks increases, but he doesn’t stop his combing, not even for a second. And if he keeps combing for a few moments longer than he has to, the feel of the silky strands too nice to stop that shit, well… whatever. Doesn’t fucking matter, shit. 

He is eventually able to force himself to stop combing, reluctantly. He knows they gotta get going soon or else they’ll be late, which he knows would upset Taka. And he doesn’t want that. Definitely not. 

“There ya go, man. Nice an’ fuckin’ ‘proper’ again. Ain’t all spiky, since I don’t got any gel at the ‘mo, but it’ll fuckin’ do. Now, c’mon. Let’s get this fuckin’ dinner bullshit over with.” 

Taka gives him a single wide eyed, slightly dazed look, cheeks a soft pink and mouth hanging partially open, before snapping out of it and nodding quickly. Mondo shoves aside the lurch in his stomach and follows after Taka as the teen opens the sliding door to exit their small ass room. 

As they move at a brisk pace through the house, Taka doing his usual ‘not running, just walking super fucking fast’ bullshit, Mondo can feel a spike of unease fill him at the thought of sharing a dinner with at least the majority of Taka’s family. He doesn’t know if everyone’s arrived or not, but shit. Either way, it’s still gonna be way more than Mondo is comfortable with. The shit he does for this fussy ass hall monitor… 

Once they reach the bottom of the staircase, Mondo follows after Taka down a few hallways, until they reach an open doorway that a lot of noise is flooding out of. Mondo figures that must be the dining room, the spike of unease increasing the closer they get. He can see an unhappy look on Taka’s face as well, his lips pulled down and his intense eyebrows furrowed. But Taka barely falters as he approaches the room. Rather, after a brief moment of hesitation, he just sets his shoulders and pastes a painfully false smile on his lips, looking for all the world like a man about to go into battle. Mondo would find it funny if he wasn’t feeling vaguely sick. And if he wasn’t concerned about his kyoudai. 

Taka spares him a single, commiserating glance, before the teen is slipping into the room, his voice loud as always as he apologizes for his tardiness. It makes Mondo smile slightly to hear Taka acting like himself, settling his insides a little. Well… better get this shit over with… 

Entering the room after his kyoudai, Mondo tries to look more confident than he feels, eyes casually glancing across the room to get a lay of the land. He has to fight against the lurch in his stomach when he sees a hell of a lot more people than there had been earlier milling around the room, half of them kneeling at the low table and half of them helping bring the food from the kitchen to the dining room. Shit…

“No need for apologies, nephew. It has been a long day, I am sure,” Hana calls from her place at the table, smiling wryly at the teen. Her eyes dart over to him quickly, before nodding her head towards the table. “Now, why don’t you help your mother grab the rice while your partner takes a seat? You will be sitting beside your parents like usual, with Mondo-san sitting between you and Yoshi. You may show Mondo-san his seat before going to help your mother.”

With that, Hana turns back to the table, instructing the various family members as to where to put the shit ton of food that was made. Literally, it’s like they’re expecting to feed an army, the fuck? It briefly distracts Mondo from his nerves, but the distraction does not last long. Not when Taka turns to face him a moment later, a small grimace upon his face. 

“Ah, of course, Great Aunt Hana! I will do that right away!” Taka exclaims, gesturing for Mondo to follow him. Which Mondo does immediately, knowing that trying to resist would be fucking pointless. Shit. 

He follows after Taka towards an empty area of the table, his kyoudai pointing casually to a cushion that is placed around the edge of the long table. There are a few unoccupied cushions around him, though there is a man that Mondo has never seen before a cushion over from his. From what Mondo can see when he glances over at the man, he appears to be white, with sandy brown hair and bright blue eyes. He’s also holding a wriggling infant, with a small toddler sleeping soundly on his lap, making Mondo fairly confident that he’s found Taka’s cousin-in-law, Alex. What joy… 

“So, Mondo! You may sit here while I go and help my mother bring out the dishes, like Great Aunt Hana said! I will be right back, I promise!” Taka exclaims, barely giving him a second to process the words before he’s darting away with a small half smile, half grimace. Leaving him alone with the foreigner and two infants. Great…

Unable to see what else he could do, Mondo takes a seat like he was informed, fighting to not squirm uncomfortably. God fucking dammit… he hates this shit… he honestly would prefer to be up and helping out, hating to be inactive when shit is going on, but he knows that would be considered ‘rude,’ or something, so he just sits down on his little cushion, feeling like an utter jackass. Fuck. 

Wanting to dispel the awkwardness he feels, Mondo looks around the room, trying to place the new faces he sees at the table, thinking it will help to know who is who before dinner officially begins. 

Other than Alex and the two babies, Mondo notices three kids sitting across from his cushion, down the table a bit. One of them is clearly Rini, though the poor girl is staring resolutely at the table with her hands in her lap, quiet and sad looking. It angers the shit outta Mondo, but he quickly pushes it down, knowing anger won’t help him here. 

He turns his gaze to the two kids beside her, assuming they’re her older brothers. They both look very similar, with dark black hair kept in a short, messy style, like they just woke up or something. They also have red eyes, from what he can see from his distance, and one has a shit eating grin on his face as he talks animatedly, while the other listens quietly, a thoughtful frown on his face. If it weren’t for the fact that the quiet kid is a lot smaller than the loud one, Mondo would think the quiet one is the older brother. But, judging by size and by what Taka has told him, he assumes the quiet one is Raidon, the little brother, making the loud mouth Ronin. Huh. Whatever. 

Moving on, Mondo notices Hana, Kichi, and Akiro sitting around the head of the table, across the table from where Mondo is sitting. The two ladies are dictating where everything goes to the numerous family members who are bringing the food in, while Akiro watches silently. Since Mondo already knows those three, he quickly moves his gaze on, looking at the last seated occupant of the room. 

Sitting on the other side of the three elders, across from Rini, Ronin, and Raidon, sits a lone teenage girl, who looks bored as she scrolls on her little smart phone. She has dark auburn colored hair and mahogany eyes, which are glued to the screen, ignoring everything else around her. Considering that only younger kids and elderly seem to be seated at the table (excluding him and Alex, though he guesses he’s seated since he’s a ‘guest’ and Alex is seated to mind his kids), he guesses this kid must be Taka’s second cousin from his other ‘aunt,’ Haruki. Which, Mondo realizes with a sinking heart, must mean that Taka’s stuck up family members must have also arrived while they were sleeping upstairs. Fucking fantastic… but wait, hold up a second…

With a frown on his lips, Mondo goes over that fact in his head a little more in detail, the sinking feeling expanding. As he tallies up the numbers, he realizes that if Taka’s Aunt Kumi, Uncle Daichi, and their brood is here, then that means everyone who is coming to the gathering is currently in the house, other than maybe one or two people. Which, Mondo realizes with a queasy stomach, is far sooner than he had anticipated. Taka had told him that it often takes longer for everyone to trickle in, some not arriving until the second day. Of fucking course everyone would be on time this year. God fucking dammit… 

Suddenly feeling put off of his curiosity, Mondo shifts his eyes to the table, glaring at the wood. His hands are clenched in fists at his sides and his stomach is in knots. He hadn’t expected to meet pretty much everyone today. He had hoped he’d have a little more time to fucking prepare. Of course not, he thinks bitterly. Of fucking course not…

“It’s a bit much, yes?” Mondo suddenly hears come from his right, the words a bit clumsy and the accent not that great, to be honest, which tells him exactly who is speaking right now. He darts his eyes over to where he heard the voice, his back stiffening as he wonders if the dude is actually talking to him or not. He stiffens further when he notices that, yeah, the dude /is/ talking to him. The person he assumes is Alex is definitely staring right at him, a shaky smile on his lips as he holds his fussing babe. Shit… god fucking dammit. He was hoping he could avoid conversation until Taka got back… Taka always helps him keep his cool in awkward situations… fuck. 

“Uh… yeah, I uh… I guess,” Mondo mumbles, feeling unbearably awkward, not sure what to say to the American. Alex doesn’t seem to think he’s fucking up too badly, he guesses, since the man just nods, his smile turning a bit wry as he looks around the chaotic room. 

“Yes, I remember my first time here. Very… noisy. My Japanese was bad then, and it was hard to keep up. It’s gotten better, but can still be a lot at times. They’re a good bunch once they get used to you,” Alex claims, his accent still clumsy and his words simple, but he’s mostly understandable. Mondo wonders if he should switch to speaking in English to help the dude out, since he’s almost fluent in the language, but decides against it. Ain’t like it fucking matters. He doesn’t even want to be having this conversation in the first place, so… shit. Whatever. 

“Yeah, I guess,” he mumbles again after a couple awkward moments pass, not sure what else he’s supposed to say. He’s never been good with conversation when he doesn’t really know the person he’s talking to. Shit’s awkward as fuck and he hates feeling awkward. 

However, once again Alex doesn’t seem deterred, the man simply nodding in agreement, looking back at him with another crooked smile. 

“My name is Alex, by the way. I’m Yoshi’s husband. She mentioned you earlier. You are Mondo Owada, correct? You go to Taka’s school?” 

Mondo’s fists clench further at the reminder of the earlier disastrous meeting, wondering what the fuck Yoshi has been saying about him. He takes a deep breath to push down the rush of anger and just nods his head jerkingly, saying nothing as he glares at the table. An awkward silence rises between them then, but Mondo doesn’t fucking care. He’s not here to entertain douchebag Americans, thanks. 

The silence stretches on as the baby fusses, Mondo not really interested in continuing the conversation. He feels a bit shitty about that, knowing that Taka expects him to make an effort with his family, but… shit. He’s been feeling so fucking off since ‘waking up’ that he thinks keeping his mouth fucking shut is prolly the best idea. Get through this dinner as painlessly as possible when surrounded by overbearing go getters, get some much needed rest, and hope tomorrow won’t be an absolute disaster. That’s the best he can fucking hope for, honestly. Fuck. 

And yet, of course he can’t get even that, he thinks sardonically as Alex clears his fucking throat, clearly intending to continue on with the goddamn one sided conversation. God fucking dammit… how the fuck long does it take to bring the fucking food out, god fucking dammit… 

“So. You’re the… uh, what’s the word… Ultimate Motorcycle Rider, correct?” Alex asks, head tilted, rocking his kid a little. The stupid ass question makes Mondo snort, his eyebrow raised as he finally looks over at the dude, unimpressed. Shit. He didn’t even bother making sure he had the right info before bringing it up? Fucking dumbass. 

“Ultimate Biker Gang Leader,” Mondo corrects in a drawl, restraining an eye roll, not wanting to be seen as overtly rude. He wonders if Alex is gonna have a problem with his talent, though. He’s such a straight laced looking dude, Mondo thinks as he takes in his white button up, black slacks, and simple hair cut. From what he recalls, Taka says he’s a fucking accountant, AKA the most boring profession of all time. He prolly ain’t a fan of the rough and tumble kind of life Mondo leads. Or… led. Whatever.

Alex, however, doesn’t seem to have a problem with it, not if his benign smile and thoughtful nod is anything to go by. Jesus. He’s like the human equivalent of a stale cracker. Absolutely nothing of real value. 

“Ah, of course! My mistake. That’s… interesting. I’ve never ridden a motorcycle before. They seem, ah… dangerous.” 

Mondo snorts again at the words he’s heard a thousand fucking times, unable to stop the eye roll this time. He leans back on his cushion, turns slightly to face the dude, and gives him his most unimpressed look. Dumbass. 

“Yeah, no duh,” Mondo snarks, forgetting that he’s supposed to be talking ‘respectable’. “Hogs are fricken dangerous rides. S’why I like ‘em. Ain’t nothin’ like ridin’ down the highway, nothin’ but wind in yer hair an’ asphalt under yer wheels. Feel every turn an’ curve ya take, practic’lly part a’ yer ride. Best fricken feelin’.” 

Alex gives him a confused look, his head tilted and his eyebrows furrowed, and at first Mondo thinks the dude is judging him for his enthusiasm for riding. The thought makes him angry, his hands clenching into tighter fists, hating it when people fucking /judge him/ for liking to ride. Shit, it ain’t a fucking crime is it?! Well… sometimes it is, he likes to drive super fucking fast and without a fucking helmet, but… still! Fuck!

Luckily, before he can snap anything out, Alex speaks, his words slow and hesitant, a hint of embarrassment lining them. 

“Er, I’m sorry, Mondo-san… I didn’t quite catch half of your statement. While I’ve been living here for five years, my Japanese still isn’t the best… I believe you mentioned something about enjoying riding? It does sound like fun!” 

Mondo blinks and realizes suddenly that he’d switched to his more laid back style of speaking, which he knows for a fact is faster and lazier than his more ‘formal’ speech. Shit, Mondo forget he was supposed to be doing that shit. What happens when you get him started talking about riding… shit. 

Mondo doesn’t get a chance to say anything else (not an apology, because fuck that), since at that moment Taka approaches, smiling brightly as he takes a seat to Mondo’s left. 

“Hello Mondo! Mother sent me out here since she only has one last dish to bring out before we should be able to begin eating!” Taka exclaims brightly, smiling an only somewhat strained smile. Taka then turns to Alex, his eyes immediately seeking out the baby, looking strangely intense. He begins speaking in English a moment later, words steady enough. “/Hello Alex! It is nice to see you again! Is this Benjamin/?” 

Alex relaxes now that Taka is here, his smile much easier as he nods his head, shifting to visibly present the baby to Taka. 

“/Hey man! It’s great to see you too! And yeah, this is little Benny. We’ve told him a lot about you, you know, though who knows how much he took in, ha. He’s usually a pretty happy baby, but he’s a bit fussy today. Yosh thinks he’s coming down with something/,” Alex claims in English, though he doesn’t sound super concerned. Mondo looks down at the red faced infant, who is staring up at them with bright red, tiny eyes, glassy with unshed tears. It’s strange to see such eyes on a baby, and Mondo can’t quite tear his eyes away, not even when the kid begins fussing again, his little eyes squeezing shut. 

Taka, of course, immediately begins to coo over the baby, fucking nerd that he is, leaning precariously over Mondo to get a closer look. Mondo automatically places his hand on Taka’s back to stabilize him as the teen presents his finger for Benny to hold, his face completely enraptured. Mondo’s eyes transfer from the baby to Taka, feeling ‘enraptured’ himself. Shit… 

“/Oh, he is adorable! Hello, Benny, it is nice to meet you! I am your Uncle Kiyotaka, though you may call me Taka/!” Taka says to the baby in English, talking in his usual forceful manner, not bothering with that ridiculous ‘baby talk’ voice adults usually use around infants. Heh. Nerd, Mondo thinks fondly again, letting out a quiet snort. The sound seems to get Taka’s attention, since the teen is turning his face to look at Mondo with a soft smile then, their faces a lot closer than Mondo is used to. Not that he minds. Not at all. “/Oh! And this is Mondo! He is my, er… my boyfriend! He means a lot to me, and I hope the two of you get along well!”/

Mondo flushes at the praise, averting his eyes away from the overwhelming sunshine that is Taka. His eyes land on the baby, who is looking up at him uncertainly, his tiny chest trembling with his unhappy fussing. He’s not full on crying, but he definitely looks uncomfortable and unhappy. Mondo does his best to smile at the kid, not used to dealing with infants in the slightest, but not so big of a dick that he’d be rude to a literal fucking baby. Like… seriously. 

“/Hey, kid. Nice to meet you/,” Mondo says, also in English, though he’s a bit clumsier than Taka was. Daiya taught him English when he was little, but he doesn’t get a chance to practice speaking the language often, so he’s a bit clumsier speaking than he is listening. The kid doesn’t seem to mind. Honestly, Mondo doesn’t know if the kid can understand him at all. He’s five months old, yeah? Is that old enough for them to understand shit yet? Mondo has no fucking clue. 

Alex gives Mondo a surprised look for some reason (what, didn’t expect him to know English? Jackass), but doesn’t get a chance to say anything more, since at that moment, everyone who was helping set up the table comes back into the room and heads for their seat, though there are a lot of happy greetings made as they go along that prolongs the endeavor. Mondo just watches as this happens, feeling decidedly uncomfortable as more and more family members spill into the room, his heart beating fast as he realizes that this is it. He’s fucking meeting all of Taka’s goddamn family now. As his fucking /boyfriend/, even though they definitely are /not fucking boyfriends/. Which is… shit. Whatever. Whatever, he agreed to this fucking plan, he doesn’t fucking care. Fuck. 

Mondo is still slightly distracted when Yoshi returns with a happy hum, plopping down onto the cushion beside him, giving them a happy grin as she takes Benny from her husband without a word. Alex gives up the kid without question, his attention going to the child sleeping on his lap, seamless and easy, like it’s something they’ve done a thousand times. It makes Mondo even more uncomfortable, like every interaction he witnesses between an actual functional family unit. He struggles to ignore it. It doesn’t fucking matter. None of this fucking matters. 

“Hey Taka, Mondo-san! Did you guys sleep well?” Yoshi asks them in Japanese, head tilted and smile easy. Mondo feels awkward around the chick, remembering how fucking /scared/ she looked when she realized who he was, but Taka has no such reservations. The teen just nods happily, still leaning over Mondo to get a better look at his cousin and ‘nephew.’ 

“Yes, we did Yoshi! Thank you for asking! We were just talking to Alex about Benny! He’s very adorable!” Taka exclaims, still singularly focused on the kid. It makes Mondo snort again, shifting to get more comfortable, seeing that the teen is not intending to go anywhere anytime soon. The new position has Mondo’s arm wrapped loosely around Taka’s waist while Taka kneels practically on his lap, but, uh… shit, whatever. They’re close friends, it’s not like it’s fucking /weird/ or anything. And they’re masquerading as boyfriends. It’s fine. Taka doesn’t even seem to notice, as focused as he is on the kid, so it’s fucking /fine/. 

“Aw, thanks Cuz! He really is a little cutie pie, isn’t he? He’s usually such a happy and upbeat baby, but he’s unfortunately got a bit of an earache today. I’m hoping it goes away by morning and he’ll be back to his usual bouncy self soon,” Yoshi explains, giving her kid a small, concerned look. Taka hums worriedly as well, frowning with concern as he leans closer to look at the kid. This unfortunately lands him firmly in Mondo’s lap this time, Taka practically lounging across him, his heat scalding. But it’s, ya know… fine. Totally cool. Not like Mondo is internally panicking or anything, no sirree! 

/Fuck/.

“Yes, I hope so too, Yoshi! I would hate if he was suffering throughout the entire gathering! I’m sure it’s already confusing enough for him to be surrounded by so many people; doing so sick would decidedly be unpleasant! You have my fervent wish that he gets better soon!” Taka proclaims, sounding as serious and forceful as he does about everything. 

Mondo can’t help the warmth that blooms inside his chest as Taka says this, nor can he stop how he looks at the teen, smile soft and eyes practically smitten. He knows he shouldn’t look like that, knows it tells shit he doesn’t want told, but… shit. Shit, shit, god fucking dammit. He can’t help it, okay?! Taka is just so fucking… /Taka/ and he can’t help the way he looks at the teen! He never fucking could… 

Apparently he’s not the only one who finds Taka’s proclamation endearing, though. Yoshi lets out a small laugh, her eyes squinting as she looks at Taka, her expression definitely fond. It does nothing to dim the warmth in Mondo’s chest, and he suddenly feels very glad that Taka has someone in his extended family who genuinely seems to appreciate him. He knows how much the hall monitor struggled to make friends growing up, knows that he was actually Taka’s first real friend, so to see that at least Taka had /someone/ is… a lot.  It might even be everything. Fuck. 

“God, never change, Cuz. Never change,” Yoshi grins, echoing Mondo’s sentiments exactly. Taka jolts a little at the comment, his cheeks flushing with his obvious embarrassment. Mondo can’t tear his eyes away as Taka ducks his head and smiles bashfully, looking so fucking /pleased/. Goddamnit, it should be a crime to be so fucking adorable. It really fucking should. 

“Ah! T-thank you! I, er… will try not to!” is Taka’s eventual answer, as awkward and adorable as the nerd himself. Mondo tightens his hold on Taka unconsciously, not sure why he does it, but just… wanting to feel him. In a, ya know. Brotherly way. 

Unfortunately, the action seems to remind Taka of their position. Taka jolts again and turns his eyes to Mondo, the blush deepening as the teen hurriedly scrambles off of him, stammering as he goes. Mondo has to fight his disappointment and just watches as the hall monitor goes, listening to his hurried (and needless) apologies. 

“Ah! M-Mondo, I… I’m so sorry! I did not mean to lean over you like that, ky- ah, kareshi! I hadn’t been thinking and it was a complete accident, one I assure you will not happen again, and-“

“It’s fine, man,” Mondo interrupts gently, taking care to remember his ‘formal’ voice this time. Yoshi is listening, after all. And most likely Taka’s parents, who have taken their seat on the other side of the teen. Which is… shit, not the time to focus on that. “I don’t mind. We’re, you know… dating. Don’t mind you being close to me. I’ve never minded that.”

Mondo gives Taka a significant look, hoping his kyoudai will understand what he means. Which is that they’re close, they’re fucking /brothers/, and he never minds when Taka gets close to him. Never. No matter the reason. He doesn’t know if Taka gets it, but the dude does go a shade brighter and his smile a bit shyer, so he understood /something/. Which is… yeah. Yeah. 

Luckily, that moment is cut blissfully short by Hana clearing her throat, the entire table coming to attention as they turn their gaze towards her respectfully. Mondo follows suit, sweating fucking bullets, but like hell is he gonna fuck this shit up so quickly. He’s not that big of a dumbass. Even if it is getting so much harder to fucking breathe…

“Welcome, family. It has been far too long since we were last able to all gather together like this. It is a pleasure to see you all again, and to meet our newest additions,” Hana begins, her eyes first sweeping over towards Benny, and then, surprisingly, to him. Her eyes are piercing as they look at him, as piercing as Taka’s eyes have always been, and it makes his blood run cold. It makes his brain go a little funny, his breathing speeding up for reasons he can’t quite explain, and despite the fact he tries so fucking hard to push it down and pay attention, he finds it nearly impossible. Not when he can still feel that phantom stare on him, piercing him, /judging him/, s-shit… 

His distraction causes him to tune out most of the speech, the words distant in his mind, like he’s listening through water. From what he can hear, he thinks it’s mostly about how it’s nice to make time to meet up with family and that familial ties are what are most important in life. He stops listening entirely then, his stomach clenching the way it always does when people talk about family, the envy and jealousy he hates rising bitterly inside of him. It’s all he can do to push it down, eyes hard on the table, his hands clenched in tight fists by his side. He knows he’s being ridiculous, knows he shouldn’t care about this shit, but it’s fucking /hard/, alright? It’s always been hard, from the time he was four years old and realized that the man who hated his guts was actually supposed to love him and not beat the shit out of him on a daily fucking basis, god fucking /dammit/-

“Are you okay, kyoudai?” Mondo hears whispered into his ear an unknown amount of time later, though he thinks it’s only been a couple of minutes, causing him to shudder. His eyes dart to the side to look into concerned scarlet, the most beautiful color he’s ever fucking seen. Even in a room surrounded by red, Mondo is positive that these eyes are the most splendid. The most expressive. The most luminescent, and all those other fucking words Taka’s been teaching him over the past year. He gets a bit lost in them, honestly, looking and searching and feeling. What he’s feeling, he has no fucking clue, but it sure is /something/. 

“Mondo…?” Taka asks again, after a few moments pass and Mondo says nothing. The teen also reaches out and places his hand gently overtop Mondo’s, looking so concerned it makes Mondo’s breath hitch, not sure how to fucking handle this. He’s never known how to handle Taka. Especially not when he gets all concerned like this. Fuck, but he can’t continue to say nothing and just fucking /stare/ at Taka, he’ll concern the shit outta the dude, he’s gotta fucking say something /right the fuck now, you goddamn piece of shit/-

“Yeah. Yeah, I… I’m fine, man. Just… ya know what I’m like with family shit,” Mondo mumbles, cheeks heating up, shrugging awkwardly. But it’s true. Taka… Taka does know. Taka is prolly the only person he’s ever told about the shit his old man would do to him, the abuse he faced at the hands of a man who was supposed to love him. In fact, the day he told Taka about that shit was the first time he allowed Taka to hold him as they fell asleep, his eyes leaking pathetic tears as his kyoudai whispered soothing words to him, promising him that he didn’t deserve the shit his old man had done. Mondo… Mondo hates thinking about that day, as embarrassing as it had been. The way his heart races every time he thinks about it is even worse, though, so he quickly pushes the memory aside. 

“Ah… yes, I- I do know… i-if this is too much for you, kyoudai, we could always retire early, if you’d like? I’m sure my family wouldn’t mind too much…” Taka trails off, sounding uncertain. It makes Mondo snort, giving Taka an unimpressed look. If there is one thing that Mondo has learned about Taka’s family in the short amount of time he’s known them, it’s that they absolutely /would/ mind if he left early. Well… half of them would. The other half would be forcefully worried, constantly bugging him if he was alright, and honestly, he’s not sure which he’d want the least, thanks. 

“Nah. Nah, I’m fine, man. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry ‘bout me, ‘kay?” Mondo mutters back after a moment, before looking back around the table, noticing that the speech seems to be over and everyone is reaching out to grab some food. Hoping that he’s not making some social faux paus, Mondo reaches out blindly to grab something, not really caring what. When he sees the bowl of white rice he’d managed to snag, he figures that’s as good a place as any to start and begins loading up his plate. He fucking loves rice, could eat three whole plates of the shit in a row, really. 

Taka doesn’t seem convinced, his eyebrows still all furrowed and his lips pulled down into a pissy little frown, but thankfully he turns away before Mondo can get too annoyed by the stare. With a soft sigh, Taka reaches forward and grabs the bowl of rice Mondo has finished with, giving him a soft, somewhat awkward smile. 

“If you say so, my friend. But I will always worry about you. It is my duty as your best friend, after all!” Taka exclaims, voice still quiet enough to hopefully not be overheard, but still as forceful as ever. It makes Mondo relax again, his lips pulled up into a gentle smile as he looks at the teen, so fucking glad to have him. Like always…

“Heh. Yeah, ‘course,” he replies absently back, feeling soothed. 

After that, no more words are exchanged between them, the pair happily grabbing the food that interests them, swapping it with the rest of the family around the table while Taka converses with those near him, seeming to be engrossed in the conversation. It makes Mondo feels hella awkward at first, not sure how to ask someone to pass him the shit he wants, not wanting to accidentally offend anyone and not wanting to interrupt Taka’s conversation. Luckily, it seems that Yoshi notices his predicament and begins grabbing the shit that Mondo is looking at, passing it to him with a wide smile even while holding her kid. It’s honestly kind of impressive. 

“Thanks,” Mondo mutters after she’s done it for the fourth time, cheeks a little heated at needing the help. Yoshi doesn’t hold it against him, though. She just waves her hand carelessly, her eyes twinkling as she looks at him. 

“Don’t mention it! Anything for Taka’s boyfriend,” she states, her words teasing. Mondo usually hates being teased, and he can even feel the discomfort bubble inside his chest, but… it’s surprisingly not as bad as it usually is. Something about Yoshi makes Mondo feel at ease. Honestly… she kind of reminds him of Daiya a little. If Daiya were an energetic, nosy chick. Which, considering who his brother is… heh. 

Overall, the dinner is… nice. Simple. No one really engages Mondo in conversation, but he honestly prefers it that way. It’s easier for him to spend the time observing the family from an outside perspective, watching them as they interact. And it’s… honestly kinda fascinating. While they’re seated fairly far from each other, Mondo can see how Taka’s stuck up family interacts with the rest of them, their noses upturned and their demeanor haughty. Despite that, they still seem to be engaging in conversation, the rest of the family not seeming to mind the clipped words or the haughty tone. Though, every so often Mondo will see a teenage boy roughly Taka’s age— who Mondo believes might be Taka’s second cousin Eichi, who’s apparently the biggest fucking asshole around— turn to face them with a smug little smirk on his face, eyes dark with amusement, but luckily the shithead never says anything directly to them. Which is good. Mondo’s supposed to be on his best behavior here. Punching the lights out of Taka’s cousin would kinda ruin that shit. 

But that doesn’t happen. And Mondo is mostly left alone while Taka speaks to his various family members, seeming happy. Mondo entertains himself for a few minutes watching Taka enthusiastically talk to his ‘uncle’ Akihiko, the happy bachelor who also apparently arrived sometime when they were in their room. From what Mondo can tell, they’re talking politics, Taka trying to get the older man to understand the importance of some policy or other, though the man seems mostly to be humoring the teen, nodding and humming when appropriate with an indulgent smirk on his lips. From what Taka has told him about the man, he’s a lot more laid back than anyone in the family, enjoying to ‘go with the flow’ rather than having any concrete plans in life. It often puts him and Taka at odds, Taka aghast as someone not caring about every last little thing possible, but despite that the pair seems to get along well. It’s definitely entertaining to watch the two, he’ll say that… 

This continues on for a little while, nothing too out of the ordinary happening, Mondo able to just zone out and chill while eating some honestly super delicious food. In fact, Mondo is just about thinking that the whole dinner is going to go on in a similar manner, the even not nearly as bad as he’d feared, when he gets distracted by a small commotion to his right. 

Head turning automatically, Mondo watches absently as Samantha— who has been sleeping merrily on her da’s lap this entire time, not stirring even with the loud noise— abruptly wakes up and begins fussing. Loudly. 

Without even looking away from her conversation partner, Yoshi immediately begins to hand little Benny over to Alex, the man accepting the bundle without question. Then, still talking to one of the various cousins, the chick grabs her daughter and brings her onto her lap, bouncing her leg immediately to try and soothe the cranky toddler. The whole interaction takes maybe five seconds, maybe less, and it leaves Mondo feeling… something. What that something is, he doesn’t know, but it definitely feels twisted, so he determines to not examine it too closely, thanks. 

But then… for reasons he absolutely doesn’t understand…

Mondo enters into a conversation with Samantha. The fucking /infant/.

And it’s not really a conversation. She’s like… fucking /three/ and her grasp on language is iffy at best. In fact, she’s clearly being taught both English and Japanese at home, since she’s babbling in a confusing mix of the two, Mondo having to stare at her with furrowed brows to try and understand a goddamn word. And as for why the hell he’s even bothering, well… it would be rude to ignore her, ya know? Especially after she makes it abundantly clear she‘s speaking to him when she grabs his arm and yanks painfully on his skin, babbling a sharp reprimand when he dares to look away from her after a minute of absently watching her babble. 

Yoshi finally looks away from her conversation at that, looking down at her daughter with disapproval, chiding her gently about her actions. The chick then gives Mondo an apologetic look, but he immediately waves it off. 

“It’s fine, I, uh… don’t mind,” he mutters, and finds that it‘s strangely true. He honestly doesn’t. Yoshi gives him a curious look at that, and for a second Mondo thinks that the chick is gonna be mad at him for, he doesn’t know… interacting with her precious child and soiling her with his rough lifestyle. But no. Instead, Yoshi just nods happily after a moment and goes back to her conversation, Samantha tugging on his arm again to get his attention. And, well… it’s not like he’s got anything better to do…

And so, that’s how Mondo finds himself wrapped up in the most convoluted, confusing conversation he’s ever found himself in, which is saying a lot considering who his kyoudai is. Honestly, Mondo doesn’t think he’s ever spoken to a three year old before, and he’s gotta admit that he’s glad for it. Don’t get him wrong, the kid is kinda cute and he doesn’t really regret entering into this ‘conversation’. But goddamn is it confusing. 

More than the kid constantly switching between English and Japanese, it seems that she doesn’t know what she wants to talk about. Every five seconds she starts talking about another topic, sounding just as enthusiastic as she had before. After about three minutes of this, Mondo absently wonders if this was what Taka was like as a child. Endlessly enthusiastic and painfully confusing. Somehow, the thought makes him feel less awkward about the whole situation, his lips smiling fondly as he thinks of his kyoudai acting like this little girl when he was a kid. It’s honestly not that hard to imagine. 

This ‘conversation’ between them lasts for about ten minutes, Mondo not really contributing to the conversation, but not minding listening to the kid babble. It’s honestly kinda cute, not gonna lie. He makes sure to nod along and make some noises that indicate that he’s listening, not wanting to be rude to the fucking kid, and it seems she’s happy enough with just babbling along. At one point he sees Taka look over at him and Samantha, pausing briefly in his conversation with his ‘uncle’ to give Mondo a wide eyed stare, before giving him a blinding smile. He doesn’t say anything, though, and instead just returns to his previous conversation, though his smile never fully fades from his lips. Mondo tries not to focus on it, but his chest definitely begins to bloom with a bright, hot /something/ at that fact. It’s hella distracting, though, so Mondo redoubles his efforts of following along with whatever the kid is saying, kind of able to make out that she’s rambling about something she did with her ‘dada’ the other day. It’s honestly hella cute, her little baby voice endearing, so Mondo doesn’t mind putting his full attention on the kid, humming with acknowledgment whenever it seems appropriate. 

What Mondo does mind, however, is when the kid decides it’s a good fucking idea to climb off her mother’s lap and onto /his/ during a lull in their ‘conversation’.

Well… ‘mind’ is a bit strong of a word. Honestly, he’s more surprised than anything, eyes wide as he looks down at the dark brown curls he can see under his chin. He’s never had a kid decide to sit in his fucking lap before. It’s… weird. 

It also makes Yoshi abruptly end her conversation, her red eyes wide and her lips pulled down into a frown as she looks at her daughter. 

“Samantha,” Yoshi hisses, looking embarrassed as she reaches out for the kid, shooting Mondo an apologetic look. The kid, however, evades her mother’s hands and settles herself firmly on his lap under his arm, her lip jutted out in a stubborn pout. She babbles something angrily at her mother, stubborn as all hell, and it makes Mondo smirk a little. What can he say, he likes the kid’s spunk. 

What he doesn’t like is how the commotion cuts across the entire table, everyone going quiet as they turn to look at what’s causing the problem. It makes Mondo flush, anxiety rising in his chest to see everyone staring at him— /judging him/— and he knows he has to defuse this situation as quick as he fucking can before something happens. What might happen, he doesn’t know. But knowing him and his anger when people judge him…

“It’s okay. I don’t mind,” Mondo mumbles to Yoshi, his hands still awkwardly at his sides as he darts a look between the kid in his lap and the chick sitting next to him. Yoshi looks uncertain about something, and for a moment Mondo thinks she’s upset because he’s a fucking biker and she doesn’t trust her kid with him. Which is… shit, /fair/, but he fucking hates it, he hates it, he fucking-

“Are you sure Mondo-san? I know how pushy Sammy can be, you don’t have to entertain her if you don’t want to. I can take her out of the room to calm down, it’s not a problem,” Yoshi replies softly, giving him a concerned look. She seems fairly genuine, too, like her concern is about him and his comfort, not… shit. Anything else. 

Taking a deep breath to shove everything down, he gives the chick a crooked half smile, shrugging as casually as he can while he shifts to get more comfortable. It makes Sam grumble, the girl pouting up at him, which strangely helps settle him more. What can he say. He’s unfairly fond of stubborn as shit, bossy, red eyed people. 

“Nah, it’s, uh… it’s cool. She isn’t bothering me,” Mondo claims, voice still quiet to prevent eavesdroppers. Yoshi still seems a bit uncertain, like she isn’t sure if he’s just being a martyr or not, but after a moment, she nods hesitantly and goes back to her dinner, darting frequent looks at the two of them. Mondo keeps himself as loose as possible, staring unseeing at the table, trying to ignore the fucking stares. God, does he hate people staring at him. Shit’s the fucking worst. 

Fortunately, people seem to grow bored of staring when nothing is going on, and soon enough everyone is going back to their own conversations, all seeming to accept that things are fine now. This relieves Mondo so fucking much, and it doesn’t take long for him to relax as well. Yeah, he has a fucking /kid/ in his goddamn lap, and he has no idea how to handle that shit, but hey. At least people aren’t staring at him anymore. Or… most people…

“I ain’t gonna explode man. Ya don’t gotta look at me like that,” Mondo mutters towards Taka a few minutes later, noticing that the teen is still staring at him weirdly. Taka jolts a little at the comment, eyes wide and cheeks flushing. He hurriedly looks away, embarrassed. 

“S-sorry, k-kareshi. I didn’t think you were going to explode, I just… a-ah. I hadn’t known you were good with children, is all,” Taka mumbles to him after a moment, giving him the shyest fucking look through his goddamn eyelashes. It makes Mondo flush in response, his eyes falling to the table, not sure how to respond to that. Because… shit, he ain’t good with kids. Or… he’s never really been around kids much, so he can’t say one way or another if he’s good with them or not. He just isn’t a fucking dick to little kids, ya know? And if a fucking three year old wants to climb on his lap and babble nonsense to him, what does he care? As long as she doesn’t kick him anywhere sensitive, he doesn’t mind. And he’s gotta admit… it is kinda cute how she’ll ramble on and on about absolutely anything, not caring that he has absolutely no idea what she’s saying. As long as he makes the appropriate noises, she’s golden. 

It’s also kinda cute how she’ll tug on his arm every so often, point to a type of food she wants to eat, and say something (in either English or Japanese, whichever one comes to her mind first) like ‘peas’ or ‘gimme’ or ‘dat one, tanks.’ And then, once he dutifully grabs the desired food, she’ll reach out to eat it with her hands, regardless of what it is he put in front of her. He’s super fucking glad he’s not wearing his coat or else she’d have gotten food all over it, which would not fly. As it is, she’s just ruining this stupid as shit polo and slacks he got hella cheap, so he doesn’t give a shit. 

Anyway… all of that besides, he’s not sure why Taka thinks he’s suddenly ‘good with kids,’ but whatever. Not like it bothers him. He’d worry about his image, but a) he’s supposed to be trying to be seen as an upstanding citizen of society here, and b) who the fuck says bikers can’t be nice to kids? Most bikers he knows are super nice to kids. In fact, anyone who isn’t gets the beating of their life from him. It’s actually a fucking rule of his gang: don’t be a fucking dick to kids. So… yeah. Whatever. 

“I ain’t, just… I dunno. Ain’t gonna be rude ta a kid. Ya know?” Mondo eventually says, a few moments later, voice as quiet as he can go to prevent more eavesdropping. Taka hums, nodding slowly, turning to look at him with a small smile. Shit…

“I don’t know, kareshi. You seem fairly good with Samantha. I know for a fact that she can be, er… a bit much. Not many would be willing to listen to her conversations, let alone let her climb onto their lap. It’s… admirable,” Taka mutters in reply, eyes glittering in the low lighting, admiration clear within them. It causes Mondo’s throat to grow dry, and he has to look back at the table to prevent himself from saying (or /doing/) anything stupid. Goddamn. 

Dinner continues on after that, the kid in his lap happily babbling about anything and pointing to the food she wants, while Mondo listens with half an ear and responds when appropriate. The rest of the table continues on with their own conversations, everything seeming happy and very… homey. At no point does the discomfort within him go away, but it does settle a little as the meal goes on, enough so that he’s able to eat a fairly substantial amount of the super fucking bomb food that was made. He even manages to enter a small conversation with Yoshi and Alex, who ask him about his gang and what it’s like to lead. All in all, while it’s definitely not his scene, Mondo finds that the dinner is… not that bad. Could be worse, definitely. 

Eventually, the meal does end, the mountain of food dwindled to dregs only and everyone at various stages of exhausted. Taka is leaning subtly against his shoulder, his eyes drooping every few seconds, which tells Mondo that he’s super fucking tired, even after his nap earlier. Mondo doesn’t mind the dude leaning against him and just moves a bit to give Taka more room, shifting Sam a little to make them all a bit more comfortable. Unfortunately, moving wakes Taka up, his kyoudai blinking at him sleepily while his cheeks flush bright pink. 

“Ah, s-sorry, kyoudai… I must be more tired than I thought,” Taka mumbles, still looking exhausted. Mondo chuckles, turning to face Taka fondly. 

“It’s okay, man. I don’t mind. But, uh… we should prolly head ta bed. Yer lookin’ pretty sleepy, Kiyo,” Mondo mumbles in reply, lifting a hand to absently run it through his kyoudai’s hair. He feels Taka stiffen for a second, but before he can worry that he did something wrong, the teen is relaxing with a soft, happy sigh, leaning further into his side without a care. It makes Mondo smile, the sight honestly super fucking adorable. It gets even cuter when Sam decides she’s also sleepy and so she shifts so that she can rest her head against his chest, her little hand reaching out to grab Taka’s sleeve. Taka smiles gently at the little girl, and Mondo has a moment to think that it’s not just him that’s supposedly good with kids.

His thoughts get interrupted when he hears Taka’s great aunt clear her throat again, a hush falling over the brood. Mondo respectfully turns his head to face the woman, knowing that if he were to show her even the slightest hint of disrespect things would be all over for him. If there’s one thing he’s learned most from his few hours here, it’s that everyone in the family adores the matriarch and wouldn’t tolerate any disrespect. 

~~~~

Aaaaand that's all she wrote, folks. Like I said, I have a ton of ideas for this fic, it's just hard writing them down. And connecting all the ideas together. If you did like this fic, please let me know, though! I cannot guarantee it ever getting finished, but I do like the premise and I like what I have written so far.

Also, I hope the kids seemed realistic, ha. As I've mentioned on here before, I work with kids, so I tried to model the kids on the kids I work with. Samantha was based off a friend to a kid I used to babysit, who was three when I met her and LOVED to talk about anything. Her name was also Samantha, which is why I named the character that, giving her an American dad to excuse it. ^-^

[adelaidedrubman]

Basil & Apple Blossom (Jenna), Daisy & Holly (Lela), Nasturtium & Zinnia (Jestiny)?

tysm amanda 💕💕 i loved these

basil :   does your muse have a love - hate relationship with anyone or anything ?

not really in present circumstances, she's definitely the most emotionally balanced of my ocs and tends to view things more even handedly than running hot and cold, taking things in stride. but prior to eden's gate, i would say they had a love/hate relationship with academia (perhaps why she dropped out of grad school to join a cult). she loved learning new things, making discoveries, and exploring ideas, but hated the red tape and jumping  through hoops (hey jenna hey jenna they're called ethcis boards and they exist for a reason), the funding crunches, and the publish or perish cycle.

apple blossom :   how does your muse go about expressing or not expressing their sexuality ?  

they're fairly reserved personality wise, so not very overtly sexual, but she definitely doesn't shy away from discussing sexuality if it comes up. she's very open about being a lesbian, and if interested in someone sexually doesn't hesitate to ask. sexual intimacy is important to her, a very valuable part of the human experience. (she plays along with a lot of eden's gate customs she doesn't really believe in, but not the celibacy ones.) potential partners should expect a lot of subtle, gentle flirting and understated flattery preceeding a very blunt proposition.

daisy :   did your muse ever feel as though their innocence had been lost ?   what moment in their life could be described as the end of their innocence ?  

hmmm, lela has an "i'm no longer the naive girl i was before" moment like, every day. she considers the onset of some of her medical conditions to be a turning point in which she was no longer living a charmed life. her indoctrination into eden's gate was also a turning point in which she considered herself becoming strong and giving up her past cushy life. learning about some of the less mystical aspects of the cult is probably her closest to a true loss of innocence moment.

holly :   how strong is your muse’s sense of intuition ?  are they aware of it ?   do they ever fear that it is only paranoia ?  

horrid, she joined a cult and fell for a lot of snake oil before that. she's gullible, beneath all the gruffness and intimidation she's ultimately far too trusting, she has terrible instincts in devoting herself to leaders and she will make the same mistake over and over again, thank you!

nasturtium :   describe your muse’s relationship with their birthplace ,   or homeland .  

jestiny spent very early adulthood being a little ashamed of her appalachian roots — it may seem very out of step with the jessie as we see her in her main canon, but when she first went to university she hid her accent, mannerisms, and background. the "J.E. Rook" thing was something she started when doing college applications because she thought her full name sounded "too yeehaw". probably hard to tell as written, but her accent now is actually fairly faded, she just chooses to use the speech patterns she uses. jessie still has a complicated relationship with her hometown (she misses the place, but not always the people), but she's no longer ashamed of it. one of the very few things she's grown up about.

zinnia :   how has the loss of fallen comrades and/or loved ones affected your muse ?   has it taught them anything or given them any new perspectives ?

so, in terms of comrades, during the reaping jessie feels very guilty about the fact she's considered important and a priority to be protected by both sides, and losing allies really spikes that guilt and probably leads her into more risky situations. for loved ones, well. losing her mother on night one certainly made her go full batshit a little more quickly. (although as im sure y'all can tell, she's kinda using that as an excuse to be unhinged.)

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

summertime sadness .4.

tgif

Sequel to kiss me in the d-a-r-k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 (masterlist under construction)

Warnings: dub con sex (oral)

This is dark!(dad)Steve and dark(professor!)Bucky explicit. 18+ only. I know they aren’t super dark, but like questionable so I’m keeping those tags just to be safe.

Summary: You settle into your new job but can’t get too comfortable.

Note: Okey, dokey. Here’s the fun part (for me at least). Still tryna figure out how exactly this one will pan out by part 6 but we’re all having a ride together, eh. Thanks everyone for their support and I love you all! 💋

<3 Let me know what you think in a reblog, reply, or like. I’m loving the feedback from y'all and the enthusiasm! Also as always, memes accepted.

💋💋💋

It had only been a few weeks since your last visit to the university but it felt longer as you walked onto campus. Just as planned, you were due to meet Bucky in his office. He texted you as you rode the subway. He was eager to start his ‘marking’. You smirked and wondered how long he’d last at that.

You entered the English Building, the elevator back in service and empty. Not many instructors were in their offices on a Saturday and most students were hungover or readying for another party. You knocked on Bucky’s door before you entered. He had a stack of essays on his desk as he sat behind them listlessly.

“Finally,” He said.

“I slept in.” You replied. “For the first time in a week.”

“Then you’ll have lots of energy,” He reached below his desk, the sound of his zipper discernible beneath it. “I’ve got about forty papers here.”

“Forty? And how many do you think you’ll get to?”

“Knowing that mouth, maybe one.” He snickered. “Come on, baby, I’m rock hard over here.”

He rolled his chair back as you neared and set your purse down behind his desk. He slapped your ass and you got to your knees. You grinned up at him as you ducked under his desk and gripped his thighs as he pushed closer. You pulled down his briefs and his cock sprung out. He groaned and grabbed his pen.

“Fuck,” He swore under his breath. “I can’t believe you’re actually doing this, baby.”

“You’ve got marking to do,” You reprimanded and stroked him. “Now get to work.”

You stretched your lips over his tip and he groaned. He slid closer and you could hear the clumsy scratching of his pen on paper. As he reached the back of your throat, his leg twitched. You pushed past your gag reflex and he nearly choked. You pulled back and felt the shiver in him.

“Mmm,” He hummed and flipped a page. “Just like that.”

The sloppy sounds of your mouth added to the flutter above, the scribbles of ink. You bobbed your head steadily, every now and then forcing him to your limit and holding him there. And then you stopped as a knock came at the door. You both froze.

“Shit,” He pushed himself against the desk entirely and trapped you underneath it. The front shielded you from view on the other side. “Keep going.”

“Buck---”

“Slowly, quietly.” He grabbed his dick and slapped it against your lips. “Now.” He cleared his throat and shoved your head down as he glided into your mouth again. “Come in.” He called and the door opened.

Your eyes widened as he pulled his hand away. You carefully dragged your tongue along his length.

“Hey,” He greeted in a smooth tone. “Tanya.”

“Sorry to disturb,” His visitor replied. “I was just grabbing some stuff from my office and I just remembered I still had this.”

A thump sounded on the top of the desk as you slobbered down his cock.

“Thanks,” He said and squeezed his legs around you. “I almost forgot myself if I’m being honest.”

“I owe you one,” She said. You recognized her voice. She taught the other section of journalism, though you had her for a social movements class in your first year. “Maybe a drink. I could hang around til you finish with those.”

“Ah, you know, I wish I could,” He lamented. “But I promised a buddy I’d swing around to watch the game.”

You kept from gagging and held your breath, afraid to give yourself away.

“You don’t seem like the sports type,” She countered.

“Not really but a few beers and I am,” He dismissed her easily.

“You sure you’re not avoiding me?” Her toe tapped impatiently just on the other side of the desk.

“Avoiding you?” He chuckled. A slight quaver in his voice as you swirled your tongue around his tip. “Why would I be doing that?”

“Well… Ever since our little… you know…” She hesitated to say it aloud.

“I thought we agreed that it was just a little fun.” He said and you stopped suddenly. He nudged you with his toe and you wrapped your lips around him once more. “A drunken bit of fun.”

“Hmmm…” She sounded disappointed. “You free tomorrow?”

“Sorry, maybe next weekend,” He said. “But I really gotta finish here.”

“Okay, okay,” She accepted with a trill. “We’ll sort out a time then.”

“Sure,” He confirmed unconvincingly. “Next weekend. See ya.”

“Bye,” Her voice was cheerier as her heels clicked back across the floor and the door opened and closed once more.

You tried to pull away but he caught your head and held you down as he emptied himself down your throat. You choked and smacked at his thigh as he cupped his sac with his other hand. He left your mouth salty and sore as he slipped out and rolled back with a sigh.

You spit his cum into your hand and crawled out from under the desk. “What the fuck?”

“Sorry, I had to-- fuck, I almost came with her right there.” He grabbed a tissue and handed it to you.

“You could’ve warned me,” You wiped your hand off with a grimace. “What was that anyway? Did you fuck her?”

“Why? You jealous?” He cleaned himself up and zipped up his pants.

“No,” You rolled your eyes. “But I did just suck you off within two feet of her as she obviously wanted to do the same.”

He laughed and pushed his shoulders back. “It was months ago. Before… us. There was a conference, there was wine, and I regret it.” He sighed. “And she looks back on it fondly but… lots of teeth and she was stiff as a fucking board.”

“Wow,” You said dryly and wiped your mouth. “You know, I’m barely surprised.”

“This… thing between you and I, it’s not--”

“It’s just a bit of fun. Trust me, I get it. I haven’t got time for anything but.” You tossed the kleenex in the small bin beside his desk. “Right? That’s what it is?”

“So much fun,” He assured you. “You wanna hang around till I’m finished?”

“Thought you already were,” You jibed. His brow furrowed and you grinned. “Sure,” You pulled up a chair. “I got nothing better to do.”

“Well, don’t sound so excited,” He said. “Besides, I might need some more help sooner than later.”

💋

You scribbled along the margin of your agenda and dropped the pen. The keys clacked beneath your fingers as you typed up a manic sentence. Your screen glowed back at you as the seconds ticked by with each letter. So enthralled by your task that the speck in your peripheral gave you a start.

You leaned back and turned your chair to face the man watching you. Loki’s lithe fingers swept up your golden pen and he admired the engraved letters beneath the fluorescent light. You watched him nervously as you pushed yourself away from your keyboard.

“Mr. Laufeyson.” You greeted him meekly. “I am just finishing the blurb you wanted.”

“Hard at work, as always,” He mused as he carefully set the pen back on your desk. “A beautiful pen…”

“A gift,” You smiled awkwardly.

“Well, I hate to interrupt you so I will let you finished,” His fingers brushed along your desk and he leaned on it as he casually cross his right leg in front of the other. “But when you have, I would like a moment in my office before you leave for the day.”

“Of course,” You affirmed. “It shouldn’t be more than twenty minutes.”

“As you will,” He stood straight and smoothed his jacket and buttoned it. “Then you are free to enjoy your weekend.”

“Okay,” You nodded and he turned away. 

You watched him go, his strides long but lingering as he retreated to his office. The usual crowd had thinned out and Stacey was readying for her own departure. You spun back to your computer and resumed your work. Your second week down and not a stumble yet. You dared to be proud of yourself. Even, to be happy.

Another weekend ahead of you and you weren’t entirely excited. You liked being in the office; liked working with the other journalists, writers, and editors. Enjoyed your chance to shadow one of the most powerful men in New York publishing. And he had achieved it all at such a young age. You could only hope to achieve as much in the next fifteen years. 

It was more than a bullet point for your resume, it was your own paradise.

So you finished up your blurb and attached it to an email. You logged out and packed up your agenda and pen beside your laptop. You pushed your chair in as you hooked your bag over your shoulder and trod tentatively to Loki’s office. You knocked on the open door and he looked away from his screen.

“Ah, there you are,” He beckoned you in with a wave. “Close the door behind you, please.”

You glanced back into the main office and did as he said. You stepped inside and sat across from him, your bag set down against the leg of the chair. His green eyes focused on you and he tilted his head as he absently traced his fingers over his phone. You fidgeted as you struggled not to shy away.

“I just wanted to check in,” He said. “And I was recently reviewing your references.”

“My references?” You wondered.

“Mmm,” He hummed. “Your professors speak highly of you. One of the reasons I even considered a second year, let alone one who had so suddenly changed majors, was a certain word on your behalf.”

“Okay?” You were confused and gripped the arms of the chair as you blinked at him dumbly.

“James Barnes has earned his tenure at the university and on occasion, he has written pieces for my own magazine. A respectable writer, admirable in his work both in teaching and otherwise. And when he proposed this workshop, the tours, I thought it was a charming idea. He proved me right so I had no doubt when he spoke to me of you.”

You gulped but said nothing. Your stomach churned and you brought your hands together and wrung them.

“You see,” He lifted his phone and blindly unlocked it. “You have lived up to his reference and your work is commendable…” He smirked as he flicked a finger across the screen. “But I still questions the veracity of his endorsement as I find his integrity has come into doubt.”

He set his phone down and slid it across the desk. He nodded for you to pick it up. You slid forward on your chair and took it. Your lips parted in horror as you stared at the screen. It was you and Bucky in the bookshop, your lips locked and his arms wrapped around you. You looked up, mortified, as the phone shook in your grasp.

“I…” The breath went out of you and you put the phone back on the desk before it could fall. “How did you--”

“It’s a quaint little shop.” He purred. “I venture in every now and then.”

You chewed your lip as your cheeks burned.

“You do realize that this could be… damaging. To you more than him.” He stood slowly and came around the desk to stand before you. “He has tenure, he is established. You, my dear, you’re barely getting started.”

You gaped up at him. The pet name unsettled you and you wiped your sweaty hands on your thighs.

“And aside from the ethical dilemma, I do wonder what a girl your age sees in a man his age. Especially when your work speak so boldly on its own.”

You shook your head, speechless.

“Surely there are boys your own age who would be delighted to offer you… companionship.”

“I never… I would never use him like that.” You insisted. “It’s all… my work. My own work.”

“Oh, I know it, dear,” He said as his lips curled. “But to risk that work on him? On an affair better fit to a dime store erotica?”

“Are you-- Are you going to report him? Me?” You asked. “Am I fired?”

“Well,” He leaned on the desk, his long fingers gripped it’s edge as he leered down at you. “That depends on you, my dear.”

“Me?” You squeaked.

“Oh yes, this is a very powerful secret, don’t you think?” He slithered. “And in our business, well, it would sell.”

“What do you want?” You asked.

He pushed himself away from the desk and reached to tickle your cheek. His fingers crawled along your chin and he brushed his thumb over your bottom lip.

“I haven’t yet made up my mind,” He bent so that his face was only inches from yours. “But when I do, my dear, you will appease me, won’t you?”

You shuddered but didn’t pull away. You were too frightened. A lock of his dark hair fell forward as his pale skin shone sinister in the lamp light. His green eyes bore into yours and you wanted desperately too look away.

“Y-yes,” You stammered weakly. “I--I will.”

“Very good,” He drew away slowly. “Now, darling, go enjoy your weekend.” He scooped up his phone and tucked it in his pocket. “And give the professor my regards.”

[southern-belle-outcasts]

Rules- updated

Muses- Rogue (Marvel canon divergent 616 based), Nilza Valdez (urban fantasy OC), Farrar Kilpatrick (urban fantasy OC).Kaylee Starke (urban fantasy OC, Sara Lance- White Canary (Legends of Tomorrow CW/Arrowverse- ON HIATUS), Padmé Amidala (Star Wars canon- by request and hc memes or semi-plotted para threads ONLY. Memes you see CAN be used for this but I’m not responding unless we have a vague idea of where this is going as discussed). 

I don’t always follow. I try to keep my dash to things that spark joy. I reserve the right to not follow back or unfollow at all times, without need for explanation. If I am going to follow back, I will not do so until I can get the time to read your rules fully.

Blog is 18+ due to multiple facets of adult content. If I find out you’re under 18, you will be immediately blocked. No exceptions. I also do not ship with muses under 18. 

I do not tag all the possible triggers that exist. My content is pretty trigger happy- drug use, violence, language, sex, mental illness, death, pregancy and miscarriage, etc. If you truly have a trigger, hit me up and I can tag it for you, most especially for visuals but when it comes to my para replies with a partner that’s already cool with the content, I’m not tagging every little possible thing. Things I always try to tag: pregnancy, miscarriage, vomit mention, current events, politics, images of spiders. 

I do not require you to follow me to interact with me if any of this bothers you. 

I am a multi-para blog. One to three lines is not enough for me to work with and I will get both frustrated and bored. I have had enough years writing really short threads, I’m far more interested in having threads that give me details on your muse, their emotions, the setting, etc.

I respond with what I can get to at the moment and have the brain power for. I utilize rpthreadtracker and will try to get to the older ones when possible but this isn’t first come, first served around here. What has inspo at the moment is what’s getting posted. I don’t use a queue, I’ve tried, it never works. Feel left out, I really can’t help you there. I’m not half-assing a reply because you want me to kick you back a response the day of when I don’t have the words for it at the moment.

Reblogs/Likes: If you see that I’m utilizing a source blog, please reblog the meme/prompt from said blog. I understand when a source is deactivated, that I don’t mind. But I am not a meme source and will block if I’m being used as one.

Do not reblog an rp thread unless you are directly involved. Seriously. Don’t.

Fictions I have specifically marked reblogs allowed in caption or tag can be reblogged.

Liking here and there is perfectly acceptable. That’s normal. Mutuals please, by all means, don’t feel like you can’t like something I posted. However, liking every single post I put up clogs my activity. Please don’t, or you run the risk of being blocked. Definitely don’t scroll back through a ship meme liking ever post I’ve put up for the past three months. I think I burst a blood vessel that morning… Especially don’t like rp memes and not send. Just go to the source to like it if you’re saving it…otherwise you look dickish.

UPDATE- No NSFW will be written with muns below the age of 21, preferably 25+, otherwise will be a case by case basis for 21+

I do not roleplay for the purpose of shipping. I love my ships, I get involved with my ships, but I am NOT here solely for ships, and definitely not solely smut.

I do not require any sexual scene to be fully played out, you are more than welcome to tell me you want to fade to black. I’m not here for the sole purpose of writing smut.

I do NOT smut unless we thread regularly AND regularly interact OOC. NSFW threads are a means to getting to know my muse, and our muses’ relationship better. I don’t write it for the heck of it. I’ve made exceptions to this rule on occasion and it’s never left me feeling comfortable. As of 12/28/2020, any and all approval for NSFW is revoked unless you interact with me on a regular basis OOC and we have discussed comfort level. If you wish to plot further and get more interactions going, maybe an actual thread will evolve to NSFW content. If you have to rely solely on a meme on Sinday to elicit that kind of interaction, that’s your cue my muse doesn’t know yours well enough for a NSFW thread. 

Ships are unique to themselves, don’t expect identical interactions ever, and I do multiship. However, I have a few mains I will only ship with unless long time interaction provides enough chemistry to rule otherwise. I will only ship Rogan with @loganweaponx, and Matt Murdock/Rogue with @holyxdefender. I am not  limiting interactions to just those muses, ONLY the shipping aspect unless chemistry proves otherwise. 

While I only ship chemistry, you are welcome to yeet into my DMs and be like “hey fuckface my muse is crushing hard can we explore this?!” That does NOT mean the ship is guaranteed to pan out. Just because I agreed to explore this does not mean I mean I signed some contract on OTP status.

Do not come at with me with “I have a plot idea and it’s we ship our muses” or *throws smut meme in your inbox* and we never interact. Fast way to get ignored or blocked. 

UPDATE- unless you’ve cleared it with me, please do not make our rp thread interactions into your muse’s general canon. I did not sign up for that and it makes me really uncomfortable to think anything I write is being inserted into your muse’s canon and subject to critique in that manner. On that same note, I will not write with canon-inserts (forced oc child, parent, sibling, etc relationships) unless I have a means to not have it affect my own muse’s canon. I don’t even play canon ships until I’ve felt out our particular muse’s chemistry.

I do not have many triggers but I have a hardstop at m!preg (magical male preg), magical/spedup/otherwise exaggerated pregnancy, A/B/O, breeder, DD/l. I will not roleplay them, and if I see them on my dash I will immediately unfollow. Y'all are welcome to do as you want, but I’m not making myself uncomfy in my antistress zone. 

I will not use pregnancy/children as plot points but for a select few muse relationships where it is part of the natural flow of the ship and has been plotted as such, or our ooc relationship is good enough for you to know my stance on sending a pregnancy meme. 

If you have gotten this far, bless your soul. Have a chocolate chip cookie. Please send “room full of rocking chairs” to my DMs or askbox so I know I’m not chucking my words into the ether.

[a-cai-jpg]

I feel like this is to assure myself and no one else.

It has recently come to my attention that real people actually read this blog. 

That sounds a little stupid, given that I religiously advertise it on both Snapchat and Instagram, but there was a part of me that assumed it would fly over the heads of most (see: all) people. And it's inherently contradictory, but I did not think a Real Person would take time out of their lives to read my utterly irrelevant musings.

I am terribly grateful to my friends and then some for deeming me important enough to click into this site. I am thankful for their validation when they don't just do it silently, lurking amidst the sans serif. One quoted my own words back at me in ALL CAPS, another sent me a video zooming in on my disgruntled face on the sidebar, and more mention it casually in passing conversation, jolting me into the reality that yes, this is A Thing.

But as I laid in bed and typed up the post two days ago, I'm suddenly reminded of why I rarely made my writing public.

I sound like an ungrateful little shit, and I'm truly happy whenever someone mentions The Thing (i just don't like the word blog), and I want to share The Thing with the world because it's a little scary thinking about how all your time and effort and words and emotion could be lost somewhere in the void, like an unread letter that's wandered off the post-trail, but.

Writing digs into the most vulnerable flesh of your heart and mind. I recently saw a quote, "We are writers, my love. We don't cry, We bleed on paper." And there are variations of this quote from others: "I don't think all writers are sad. I think it's the other way around: all sad people write;" "I didn't write it down to build a poem. I wrote it down because that is what I do with the things that unravel me. I drag them across a page."

I don't mean for this to take a maudlin turn, but writing is a salve for aches in the soul. I'm by no means a writer, but I like to think I write (s/o to my soulmate, jackson wang, who said, "i'm not a rapper...i just rap). And sometimes, sharing what I've "dragged across the page" is turning my skin inside out.

I'm definitely more comfortable with sharing my vulnerability through words on a sheet of paper (or words on a WordPad document) than through words spoken to another Real Person. 

In my junior year of high school, I sat in a hotel room in Sacramento with words stuck behind my clenched teeth. It was the most peculiar feeling, like if I loosened my jaw, I would vomit the words from my chest and they would tumble off the bedsheets and onto the floor, staining the hotel carpet. But the tension never snapped, and I scrawled them onto a torn sheet of paper instead.

Even now, I express the deepest parts of my emotions through letters. I think a large part of it is because I don't want to see the emotions unfold on someone's face. It's not that I don't want to see them, but I don't think I--this emotionally constipated individual--am capable of responding to them in a way that's not, "Uh. Yeah. Okay. Lol bye." And I feel like that's just not appropriate or sufficient in some circumstances. Better to just avoid the potentially awkward situation.

(yes this is not the most mature way to deal with emotions but spare me the lecture.)

And so, when I am writing, and not saying words at someone's face, I pull out the most intimate intricacies of my heart and twist them into phrases and sentences. And I like to do it without a filter.

But when I was writing these past few days, I was conscious of an audience. I began crafting sentences through the lens of what would this specific person think of this and oh my god what if this person reads this and fuck it ok just kidding we can't just fuck it sos. It was a dangerous balance between editing and re-editing and declaring, "Fuck the world, I write for me, and I'm going to write recklessly and with abandon."

This the main crux of the problem: there is me, the person that you know and talk to and maybe have grown up with, and then there is me, the person who spits words out onto The Thing. And sometimes the two me's mesh perfectly like a pattern overlaid on another to produce an image, and sometimes they don't. 

It's kind of like when you go clubbing with a childhood friend for the first time, and you've only known them as the youth group-going, favorite child of all Asian parents, and then y'all are in the club and damn okay they just took seven shots in a row. 

(I'm not speaking from personal experience.)

There is a moment of reckoning when you try to reconcile two facets of a person.

(Or maybe this is a me problem, but bear with me here.)

A few months ago, I took a trip with two of my closest friends to San Diego, to visit the college town where one of them spent four incredibly formative years. It was fun and beautiful and very, very disorienting, because in my egocentric point of view, I had forgotten that we lived these four years separately. Suddenly, he was introducing to me a different life, a different history that I wasn't part of, and I couldn't help but feel like I was sitting in the passenger seat of a stranger's car, listening to a crude imitation of a familiar playlist.

The feeling began somewhere on the 5 freeway, when he navigated the unfamiliar lanes with a practiced ease, and swelled as the sun set and he told stories about Mount Soledad and him and his friends.

And it was weird, because I felt like an intruder, even though I had been invited into his memories, and the unease took shape as silence and stilted words until he asked, "Are you okay? You seem weird." And the feeling was spilling onto the back of my hands as I gripped the skirt of my dress, but I couldn't beat it into words, so I unclenched my fists and fastened my seatbelt and choked out a, "Nah, I'm just tired."

I think I'm still in the process of working through this reckoning. It doesn't happen for all of my friends, and it's not always so discomforting. Sometimes, I scroll through Instagram pages with a sort of curious hunger to fill the years I’ve missed, and other times, I take the new information, file it as: Yeah okay, I could've predicted that. But then, there are the times where I can only search someone's face in silence, lump in my throat as I rewind our histories and try to find where one of them snagged and became out of sync.

The different facets of the self should, all in all, unveil the most authentic self. The more you get to know a person, the more you really know a person. I imagine it like you're building a three-dimensional sculpture, and with each new piece of information, you add another bit of plaster to it. Yet, I sometimes lose sight of what I'm trying to build, and when I see the blueprint again, I realize I've veered wildly off course. It's scary, every time I run into a moment like this, because it's like the person I knew, the friend I've had for a decade, was actually just someone I created in my mind, a person who overlapped at the edges with the Real Person, but ultimately, were not the same. And when the illusion disappears, I'm left with a stranger.

I'm exaggerating, but.

I'm a little scared this is what you will feel as you read this. I'm scared there will be no separation between the writer and the writing, and although writing reveals the deepest, most intimate parts of a person, is it really the authentic self? It's only a slice, a slice I had cut with carefully chosen words.

So I want to assure you, if you are someone like me who thinks they view the world on a wide-angle lens but really, only through a slit, and you are someone like me who reels when the cover is yanked away and you're left staggering through the new vista, that every sentence is a part of me, but who you know and who you talk to and who you message is a larger piece of me. And maybe we will never get to know each other fully, because that kind of privilege is saved for but a few, that doesn't make either of us any less authentic.

I sometimes wonder what character development looks like in the real world. When I was a sophomore in high school, I cringed so hard when my favorite English teacher tried to use my essay as an example in class that he almost immediately pulled it out from underneath the Elmo projector and used someone else's. In freshman year of college, I wanted to join a creative writing club, but after realizing that I wouldn't be able to submit my work for peer-editing anonymously, I banished that notion. Yet, for some reason, in my senior year, I decided I wanted to take a fiction writing course. On the day of my first workshop, my hands shook so much that I had to sit on them to stop trembling.

In the beginning of the class, I, myself, had a very difficult time separating the writing from the writer. I think especially in an intro class, students use facets of their own life to create fiction. I think even advanced writers do the same, because ultimately everything you write is you. And I did my fair share of speculation--why did she write about a sibling rivalry does she have a sister, hey did this guy study abroad in hong kong with you because he wrote about that, and huh i wonder if she grew up in florida this is beautiful.

It's the kind of speculation we do with the Greats. Did Shakespeare write Hamlet for his son, Hamnet? Who was Sonnet 18 written for? Was Shakespeare gay? Because see, in this one bit, he wrote.....

(i was a very bored AP lit student ok)

It's the same kind of speculation my friend did when she finished listening to a new song by Crush and said, "Oh, he must be dating." Or the speculation all the YouTube comments had when Jon Cozart and Dodie Clark released duo songs titled "Tourist: A Love Song from Paris" and "a non love song from nashville." It's the kind of speculation you do when you are given a slice of someone's soul, and suddenly, you want to understand the whole thing.

But that kind of scrutiny is uncomfortable. We're okay with doing it to Shakespeare, because the dude's dead. We're okay with doing it to big name artists because hello, Crush is not going to hear my friend talking about him. We're less okay with doing it in the public realm of YouTube comments because they are read by the content creators who explicitly said, "pls don't speculate." We are even less okay with doing it to our peers, and we are not okay with other people doing it to us. Okay, maybe I should just speak for myself.

My trajectory in that fiction writing class was backward. My first story was about a white male living in New Jersey. My last story was about a Chinese American woman who used to live in the suburbs of Los Angeles.

It wasn't planned.

It's as if my subconsciousness drew up barriers the minute I stepped into that classroom, and wrote a story as far removed from who I am as possible. 

Because really, who is going to think that the gas jockey with a hunger for divine power is me?

(sike.)

But I guess character development is becoming okay with vulnerability and with potential speculation, and as I wrote, I began writing closer and closer to the heart, pulling the words from the east coast to the west.

When the last workshop rolled around, I was calm, sitting at one of those awful, plasticky chairs with tiny, useless desks attached to one arm. I was neither defensive nor uncomfortable, like I thought I would be, just at peace and humbled as I listened to my classmates discuss the craft of my writing.

And I think that's the ultimate lesson: once you write something, or create something, and release out into the wild, it no longer belongs to you. It's an argument I used to make in my art history class, but it's an argument that John Green often makes when his readers ask him about the meaning behind his books.

I don't quite mean it like he does, when he says, "Books belong to their readers." I think that before the writing is consumed by the reader, it is its own entity, existing independently of both writers and readers. And when it is eventually taken up by the reader, the writer shouldn't feel a sense of possessiveness or vulnerability or fear about the content.

And shit, that really fucks up my other thing about trees falling in forests but anyways.

There are a load of other things I have to consider when suddenly, the dumb spools of thoughts in my brain become free content for the Internet. Like, privacy rights? Am I allowed to talk about this one thing my unnamed friend said, but wait, you can definitely tell who it is, oh fuuuuuu-. At what point is it oversharing? Do I get to decide the line between okay and TMI, or does me declaring that I am writing this for myself mean there is no line?

But, in the end, I just want to say thank you.

I’m really used to, as I’m sure many people are, presenting just one facet of my whole self to people. Every individual has a number of different roles, and each role comes with its own set of rules and norms. The sociological part of me says that this discomfort I’m feeling has a lot to do with the breaking down of norms. There is a certain playbook people go by when they lower their barriers, but this circumvents that.

And honestly, maybe I’m just thinking too much into it and all of this is for naught, but it was cathartic writing this all out, even if I had to take two very lengthy breaks to get my thoughts in order.

(just kidding, one of them was to watch Kingdom season 1).

There are so many things I am grateful for, and I fear that in the past week, I have been battling bad vibes and have forgotten how incredibly privileged I am.

So, here is List 16 of The 52 List Project (that my friend made me start legit in 2016 and I'm still on list 17)

List 16: List your Essentials 1. Family & Friends ✔ 2. Affirmation & Love ✔ 3. Achievement ✔ 4. Happiness ✔ 5. Hope & Dreams ✔ 6. Phone ✔ 7. ID/Card holder ✔ 8. Plush blankets ✔ 9. Stuffed animals ✔ (so many!) 10. Inspiration from a boy on skates ✔ (see: hope & legacy) 11. Good music ✔ (i gotchu fam, here's ur r&b fix) 12. Good books ✔ (go check out a book)  13. Good conversations ✔ 14. Thoughts ✔ 15. Creativity ✔ 16. Music ✔ 17. Possibilities ✔

[sterrenlied]

GETTING TO KNOW THE MUN :

NAME : Nick NICKNAME : Skull / Egg / honestly Nick is actually a nickname but whatever FACECLAIM : none but let's be real I'd just use pictures of pepe the frog PRONOUNS : She / Her HEIGHT : 5′2″ BIRTHDAY : July 6th AESTHETIC : a curious rabbit with nose in flowers, long fingers stained by pencil lead, a big warm and fuzzy sweater, bunches of fresh lemons, a nice hot cup of coffee, sitting on the couch curled up and playing video games LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO : uhh idr lol FAVORITE MUSE (S) YOU’VE WRITTEN : loghain probably

* GETTING TO KNOW THE ACCOUNT :

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO TAKE ON THIS MUSE : I was literally like "yo dawg there's a new overwatch hero say whaaaaa" - because I kind of just stopped paying attention to the series for a while - and I liked his design on the thumbnail of his origin video because I love giant men who could crush my head I guess. But like he's not just an absolute unit??? he's very polite and soft and likes to teach and guide but also literally a cosmic horror black hole abomination?? there's this amazing duality to who he is that I want to explore and like I'm gonna be honest: I almost never rp characters that I don't love with all my heart and I really really ...really really love sigma.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ASPECTS OF YOUR CURRENT MUSE : I love how he's so immeasurably powerful, so intense in his backstory and what he's been through but he's still super polite and kind. I love how expressive he is with his hands and his facial features. I love how he's an absolute unit and actually a tree but also a nerd. like lol @ the stereotypical jock bullies none of y'all could have touched this dutchie in school. he's also so elegant and poised, so fucking charming and handsome even though he's also a dork. it would be easier to list the things that I don't like about him ??? tbh

WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING : I'm a big reader and there's so many novelists (and more than a few rpers!) that I look up to. I kind of just want to be as good as them ya know?

FAVORITE TYPES OF THREADS : I like angst but only if there's payoff, usually like of the hurt/comfort kind. I've had folks in the past like intentionally try to rag on my muses before for not so benign reasons, so like?? Idk man. Fluff is super cute too, and I think with sigma I'm most looking forward to that.

BIGGEST STRUGGLE IN REGARDS TO YOUR CURRENT MUSE : probably the fact that I have little dialogue to go off of? dialogue is something that I've always felt hesitant about with my muses, and seeing that most of sigma's dialogue in game is like either 1. Full blown panic mode or otherwise reflecting upon his mental illness and 2. just being a big old scientist means that I'm not sure how he'd verbally react to certain situations? like sure I have an idea of what he'd do and think but getting his voice down is difficult.

TAGGED BY : @xrbosa

TAGGING : the entire dash I'm bad at choosing sorry mateys

[shall-we-imagine]

The more you know. (Part 2 of Fear is an illusion *Badboy!Klaus AU*)

Yes, guys, it's finally here! After centuries, I've arrived with the sequel since I was missing badboy!Klaus 😂

Genre: a romcom tbh

SUPER fucking long tbh. I think.

(Second Person Point of View)

"Okay, listen; I'm not saying you aren't capable of marrying Jungkook; I'm just saying it's rather unlikely for you to have a face to face conversation in the first place!" Guy argues, almost walking sideways to look at Amelia. It was a habit of his when arguing; regardless of what he's doing, he needs to face whoever he's arguing with. So, the fact that you were all walking on a sidewalk of a busy street didn't really prevent him from turning his upper body towards her.

"Well, If I were to carry out the ellaborate plan that I've already come up with in my head, I have a good chance of getting at least 2 minutes with him, and scientifically, guys take what? Like 9 seconds to fall in love?" Amelia insists. 

By now, it was perfectly normal for these two to argue about the weirdest things, and you just learned to enjoy it and laugh.

You intervene, possibly keeping the disagreement going, "I don't think that's accurate information, Amelia.."

"Yeah, putting 'scientifically' before it doesn't just make it science, Amelia!" Guy further teases her.

"Why are y'all ganging up on me?!" She huffs, placing her fists on her hips.

You laugh, "We aren-" but before you can finish your sentence, a shop worker cuts you off. You expected it to be one of those 'hey can I have 5 minutes of your time? Cool! How about you donate to save the single-toed-red-nosed-pink-haired wobbly penguins of the saudi deserts; it'll only be 7 thousand dollars a day!' People that you can never escape; Is this the end? Is he gonna talk you to death? Will you be another victim of the never ending advertising violence?? Maybe! But today's not the day; good for you!

"Would you like to try our new unicorn cupcakes? We're handing out a free cupcake for every drink you buy!" You turn towards the man. He stood on one of the few steps that led to the entrance of the shop, displaying a bright smile, as he held a sign with their offer written on it along with the picture of the cupcake.

Regardless of his undeniable beauty, his attractiveness wasn't why you stared too much. It was something else. You'd seen that guy before; you were sure of it! But where?

Before you could pinpoint where you'd seen the man before, your friends cheered in agreement. The blond man chuckles, motioning with his right hand towards the glass doors, "Follow me, then!"

While your friends observed the store in awe, your attention seemed to be focused elsewhere..

The man seemed to draw you in by some strange force; it was like you'd known him before. Perhaps it was just the warm aura surrounding him, or maybe you were exaggerating and you just found him attractive, cuz to be fair, he was. Unable to solve the mystery, you carry on staring at his back till he reaches the counter. His broad shoulders were impossible to miss, and even though his muscular, built body would fit on a Calvin Klein ad, here he was, dressed in a pastel pink button up shirt, paired with light blue jeans and a brown apron. He even had a little, brown handkerchief scarf tied around his neck plus a brown beret, for some fucking reason. You chuckle to yourself as you look at the back of his head, blonde hair peeking from underneath the accessory.

Wait.

"I've waited for it to snow since forever!" You let out a groan of pleasure, staring at the snow flakes as they gently float to the ground, forming a beautiful white cover to coat the streets.

"Would you mind keeping those noises for the bedroom?" Guy fakes a disgusted look.

You playfully slap his arm, but before you could respond, Amelia yells for you to watch out, causing you to jump away from the street in panic. Due to the slippery nature of the snow, your butt collides with the ground, just in time for a guy on a motorcycle to zoom past you.

"Yo, watch where you're going!" You shout, more to show your annoyance than to gain a reaction from the stranger.

The man turns to look at you with a smile, "Sorry, sweetheart, didn't see you there." He yells back.

That smile. That fucking smile and that pretty hair. It's him, isn't it?!   

"Man, you're doing great today! You've brought in like half our customers since morning!" Another male, wearing the same uniform (excluding the questionable beret), pats the blond on the back. "You deserve some type of reward for it!"

The brown-haired male stands behind the counter. "So, you're ordering the offer or?" He props his glasses on the bridge of his nose before pressing some buttons on the screen in front of him. Instead of replying, you could only glare at the blond. Your pants were barely even dry! 

"Yes!" Regardless, Amelia cheers, "I'll have a caramel frappuccino; Guy?" She turns to her left.

"Hmm. I think I'll have that too." He nods with a smile.

"(Y/N)?" Amelia turns to you.

"Oh, um.." Left hand under your chin, you direct your attention away from the jerk and observe the menu in silence, feeling pressured to pick something quickly, considering everyone was waiting for you. "Just hot chocolate, please." You smile at the cashier. 

Everyone's attention was then turned back to the cashier as he recites your orders; however you could still feel a pair of eyes on you. "You left him, huh?" The owner of the lingering gaze muses, leaving you puzzled. 

"Huh?" You turn to face him, unintentionally letting your hand float awkwardly in the air. Taking the position of your hand to his advantage, the man grabs your hand, his fingers taking hold of your ring finger in particular. "What are you-" alarmed and annoyed, you attempt to pull your hand away, but his statement momentarily stole any energy left in you. 

"Your ring. It's gone. You called off the engagement." You almost thought he was unamused, but he lifts his head to stare into your eyes, smirking in the process. "You listened to me." 

"W-what?" That's when you were able to pull your hand out of his grasp, but it merely flew up to your mouth. "..Klaus?" You whispered. The familiar name rolled off your tongue, leaving an aftertaste of nostalgia. 

"Awwhh! You remember me after all! I'm flattered!" He mockingly exaggerates flattery and places his hand on his chest. 

"Who's Klaus?" Guy wonders aloud, earning a response from Amelia. 

"He's (Y/N)'s knight in shining armour." She clasps her fingers together in front of her chest. Leaning closer to Guy, She then proceeds to add her own recollection of the story, as if her previous answer wasn't humiliating enough. "They had a steamy night together in a pool." She smirks. 

"It was just a kiss!" Face burning with embarrassment, you attempt to silence your too-talkative-for-her-own-good friend. 

"I would say it was rather steamy though." Klaus winks. 

"Shut up!" You sputter nonsense, trying to change the subject, "p-plus, what even is this?! Weren't you like a bad boy or a punk or whatever last time I saw you?? Now you're..selling unicorn cupcakes?!" 

"Hey, what's wrong with unicorn cupcakes?!" The male behind the cashier protests. 

"Yeah, at least he's not selling drugs, y'know?" Guy shrugs. 

"What? Bad boys can't earn a living nowadays?" Klaus acts indignant, and for a moment all you could hear is your friends and the staff acting as dramatic as yourself on your particularly difficult period days. 

"W-well..ugh! Just nevermind!" Then another accusation came to mind, "wait! Earlier! It was you on the motorcycle, wasn't it?! I fell over because of you! My jeans are still wet because of you!" 

"That's what she said." Guy mumbles to Amelia, who snickers, leading you to add this to the list of reasons you don't know why you're friends with these two. 

Unlike Guy who tried to keep the joke between the two of them, Amelia ensures you hear hers. "He got you wet twice so far!" They both almost fall over laughing. Do you kill yourself yet? 

Klaus laughs, "You have funny friends." 

"Lucky me." Sarcasm dripping from your words, you sigh. 

"Your drinks." The brown-haired worker pushes your drinks towards you. "And your cupcakes!" He hands each of you a cupcake, adorned with white, pastel pink, and pastel purple icing. On top of the cupcake stood a proud golden cone, representing a unicorn's horn. The glittery wrapping of the cupcakes and the tiny 'pearls' scattered on top added to how cute the dessert look. It was literally too adorable to be eaten. 

"Well, we have some catching up to do, so get your stuff, and we'll go." Klaus takes off his apron and walks past a door that held a Staff Only sign. 

"What? What are you talking about?!" Raise your voice as much as you please, the only response you're getting is dirty looks from other customers. 

"Come on; you wanted to run into him again, didn't you?" Amelia nudges you. "Well, he's right here in front of you; you won't just let him go, will you? You may not get this chance ever again." 

"Amelia, we know where he works; what are you-" She presses her index finger to Guy's lips, cutting off his reasonable assertion. 

"So? Are you gonna take the interesting, fun, Ameliazing option? Or are you gonna be as boring as your friend here?" She glances at Guy at the end of her last question.

"I wasn't really giving her a choice anyway." A voice from behind distracts you and your friends from Amelia's nonsense. 

"Your drink." Klaus, who now looked more similar to the Klaus in your memory, hands you the hot paper cup you hadn't picked up yet. "Let's go." He tilts his head towards the entrance. 

"I'm sorry, what? Where are you going? Your shift hasn't ended yet!" The beret-less worker rushes to stop Klaus. 

"You just said I deserve a reward, didn't you?" Klaus pats the guy (who only now did you notice wore a badge that said manager) on the shoulder before walking towards the entrance of the café. 

"Klaus! Klaus!" No matter how many times he called out, the blond wouldn't budge. "Dammit; he just never listens." He sighs, ruffling his hair in defeat. 

"So? Go after him!" Amelia pushes you forward. She throws her hand over Guy's shoulder, "Guy and I will hang out for a bit; you go have fun with your saviour!" 

"He only gave her advice; I wouldn't clasify him as a 'saviour', like-" Guy's logic was once again cut off by Amelia's louder nonsense; she nudges him and proceeds to kick you outside into the cold arms of the snowy weather. 

"Took you long enough." Your 'saviour' mumbles, swinging his leg over his motorcycle and waving for you to do the same. 

××× 

"You spilled half my drink, and I think I squeezed the flour out of my poor cupcake.." you look down at the tilted horn and what’s left of the pearls. Even the icing was downgraded from a professional's work to a child's free time in the kitchen. 

Klaus sighs, "I work there; I'll make you another." 

"Good. And I ain't payin' for it, just so you know." 

 Klaus face palms, his leather, fingerless gloves in full view, "That drink costs like three dollars but sure. Now can we move on with our date?" 

"When did I ever agree to this being a date?" You cross your arm and look away with pride. 

"I can always just take off with this baby and leave you here." He pats the motorcycle and shrugs, giving you a challenging smirk. 

"Asshole." You mumble. 

He sighs. "Can we just go?" 

After a short pause, Klaus raises an eyebrow" Why are you still holding onto those?" You look down at the deformed paper cup in your hand and the mess that used to be the most beautiful cupcake you'd ever seen. A moment of silence for that brave fallen soldier. 

Or maybe not. Klaus had already snatched the items and placed them on the ground, next to the brick wall that seemed to go on forever. Did he take you to China or something? 

"Let's go; my friend is waiting." You wondered what that meant, and where he was taking you, but with Klaus, you quickly learned not to question him, for his brain was wired differently. He'd decided the best way to cheer a stranger up was to sneak them into a pool. It couldn't be any stranger than that, could it? 

"A barn? Why are you taking me here?" Flashbacks to horror stories you'd read about people getting murdered in such places popped into your head, and even though it was just Klaus, you started thinking of how you don't actually know Klaus. He could literally be a drug dealer, and you wouldn't know. He could be the murderer that kills people in barns! And! Again! You! Wouldn't! Know! Yippiiee.. 

"My friend is waiting inside. Now be quiet; we don't want to alarm anyone that we're here, cuz again, this isn't my property." Klaus pulls you by the arm and stealthily begins walking towards the building, slightly crouching while keeping you both in the shadows. You wonder if you should be crouching too, but it looked rather comical, so you quickly decide against it and walk awkwardly behind him - back prefectly straight - instead. 

His answer left you with more questions than you previously had had. You felt like a child that was just told there were more candy in the big white van... 

Why did you think this was okay? To follow some stranger into an empty area at night like this? It was ridiculously stupid, but here you are. 

When you reached the doors to the barn, he facepalmed. "I forgot about this; I don't have anything on me to use...do you have a bobby pin?"

"Uh, I think so.." You fish through your pockets; you had a habit of forgetting stuff in there, so there was really no telling what you might find. 

"There." You hand him a slightly chapped bobby pin. 

He bends it in some odd shape before turning to stick it into the keyhole of the lock hanging from a chain around the door handles. 

"Not to be that person, but what are you doing?" You bend to peek at his hands as they tinker with the lock. 

"What does it look like I'm doing?" You couldn't see his face, but you were pretty sure he just rolled his eyes. 

"What? You just walk around sneaking into places in your free time?! How are you not in jail?! You said we were meeting a friend!" His head snaps towards you, eyes glaring daggers at you. 

"Do you want to go to jail? Because you couldn't be any louder than you are right now. I'm not in jail because I'm good at it, unlike some people. And we are meeting a friend; this is my dad's stable if it makes you feel any better. We're not stealing anything. We’re just borrowing it." He shrugs and gets back to work, lock clicking open a moment later. 

"But I don't understand. If it's your dad's, why are we sneaking around?" Klaus pushes the doors open, revealing rows and rows of hourses on each side of you. Why anyone would need that much horses you couldn't understand. 

"I don't talk to him anymore, but that doesn't mean I won't be visiting my friends here. Specifically this one." He pauses next to a black horse with a white patch on its forehead, and said horse immediately nuzzles closer to him, rubbing its head to the side of a very pleased Klaus's face. 

"Why don't you?" The realization of how little you know about Klaus shifted from scaring you to slapping you right across the face with guilt. Last time, you were so upset with the engagement, you didn't even think of asking about what Klaus is like or what his family is like or anything. 

 "He's angry I didn't pursue medicine like he did. He doesn't approve of my studies, so I left." He appeared visibly uncomfortable by the topic, so you tried to shift it a little. 

"What did you pursue?" Even though the stable was dimly lit, nothing could hide the pink tint on his cheeks. 

"Culinary studies." 

 "Oh, that's pretty cool! When are you cooking me something?" You tease, but genuine excitement was clear in your grin and voice. 

"Never. Now, shut up and pick a horse! I'll be taking Thunder here, and since it's your first time, I'd suggest you take-" He bites back whatever he was going to say and resorts to pointing at a beautiful brown horse opposite to Thunder. "That one." 

"What? Don't tell me you named it that one. Also, what makes you think it's my first time?" You puff your chest out, a hand on your hip. 

"It's not?" 

You slump, "It is." 

Klaus shakes his head in disbelief, "Just let me strap down the saddles, and then we can go." 

"You haven't told me its name! I can't just walk around calling it that one. Why do you get a horse named Thunder, and I get a horse named that one?!" You complain for absolutely no reason other than to get on his nerves because it was always funny to see the chill bad boy lose his cool. 

"He has a name, okay? And I'm giving you that one, because it's a gelding, so it's rather gentle and easy to control; Thunder is a mare, so she's pretty aggressive for a beginner. Plus, she tends to not listen to strangers...or to most people to be fair.." He begins strapping down the saddles, stirrups, reins, and a lot of other stuff you don't know the names of. 

You wondered if it was a good idea to tease him while he was placing the things that would keep you on top of the horse and not fall to your death. Oh well.  "What's his name then?" He mumbles something in response, but you couldn't hear a single letter of it. "What?”

"Sparkle! His name is Sparkle! I was 13, okay?!" You could tell he was seconds away from zipping that leather jacket up to his forehead if he could. And for that reason, of course, you burst into laughter. It was the most unexpected thing you could've heard from him yet also the sweetest; sure, the guy works at a place that sells unicorn cupcakes; you probably shouldn't have been that surprised by how soft this is, but still, you couldn't help but want to pinch his cheeks or something. You prefer not to die though, so you keep the thought to yourself. 

"That's so cute! I'll take Sparkle; I love him already!" You giggle. 

"Just shut up." He mutters, cheeks still red (You prefer to think it was because he was blushing and not because of the cold weather). 

"Come on; it's adorable! Turns out you're not as harsh as you want to appear to be." You wiggle your eyebrows at the male that was physically very capable of bashing your brains in with no weapons whatsoever but one that was also too nice to hurt anyone. Well, he does trespass on people's properties, but let's pretend that's not a crime. 

"Remind me why I'm on a date with you?" He hands you the rein strapped to Sparkle. You only giggle in response, following him outside, carefully pulling the horse along. 

"Well, that doesn't feel very sneaky." You mumble. You were both just dragging two grown-ass horses in the middle of an empty landscape coated with layers of snow that gave away the positions of your relatively dark horses and yourselves extra easily. "Plus, is it even safe to ride horses in that snow?" 

"Yeah, they're able to walk on that type of snow just fine." He replies, still dragging Thunder to God knows where. You follow him, asking no questions. 

The only conversations made were between you and Sparkle; it felt kinda one-sided, but you were sure Sparkle was warming up to you. 

Finally, Klaus paused, causing you to excitedly stand next to him, so you could see your destination. Your eyes glint in awe; it was an abandoned beach with several cliffs staring down at the frozen body of water and the white cover surrounding it. 

"It's Thunder and I's favourite place." Klaus beams. "I don't have to tell you, right? No running onto the frozen water; we don't know how stable it is. Plus, horses don't do well on ice." He warns, and it slightly worries you that he speaks as if he'd seen it happen before. You don't ask. 

"Sure." 

"Now, let me give you some instructions." He begins showing you the basics of how to control the horse and assures you the horse won't slip and kill you both. "Easy enough?" 

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can do that." You nod, tingles of anticipation wrapping your whole body. Klaus easily gets on top of Thunder, leaving you to stare at Sparkle, whose stirrup was about chest height to you. That made getting on top of it seem like a bit of a challenge. 

"Um..how do I..?" He'd explained how to do it, but all of that seemed useless as you wondered how you even place your left leg on the stirrup in the first place. 

"Oh, sorry, I forgot I need to hold him for you, since you haven't tried this before." He dismounts and holds the rein for you, looking at you as if he just solved world hunger. He hadn't even solved your how-to-get-on-top-of-a-horse-twice-your-size problem.

He seemed to realize you were still incapable of doing anything after the mini staring contest you had with him. He sighs, shoulders slumping. "Do you always have trouble climbing stuff?" 

"I'll have you know I climb stuff all the time, but excuse me for not having a rich dad that owns an entire stable of horses or for not climbing walls to sneak into pools. I'm pretty sure most people can agree with me!" You huff and place your fists on each side of your hips. 

"Of course." He shakes his head and approaches you. "I'll lift you up by the waist then you do the steps I told you...as well as you can while you're standing on air, I guess...I'll help; just go ahead." He stands behind you and squats down a bit, wrapping his arms around your hips and pulling you off the floor. The amount of strength this guy has. Does cooking count as a sport?? Cuz damn.

You place your left foot on the stirrup and swing your right leg over the horse while Klaus helps push and steady you on top. 

"You're welcome!" Klaus yells mockingly before walking back to the black horse that stood out beautifully in its pale surroundings. 

At first, you were extremely tense, trying your best not to fuck up and piss off Sparkle in any way. The horse was gentle enough; you didn't wanna change that. Soon enough, though, you were racing against Klaus, icy wind violently blowing your hair back. The cold air striking your face and entire body felt freeing in some way; you wanted to live in that moment forever, giggling as you try to catch up with the guy that had way more training than you ever did. 

You felt unstoppable- unbreakable. Maybe you were high off speed or weather, but whichever it was, you didn't care; you just wanted to enjoy this sensation to the fullest. 

"Do you wanna stop here for a bit?" Klaus yells, not bothering to slow down (probably fearing you'd take lead for one second before he beats you again). 

"Sure!" You yell back. 

As Klaus gets off, you decide to try and dismount without his help. It didn't seem like a good idea, but you did it anyway. It was going well at first, but then you realized how far the ground really is, causing you to stumble back a bit after violently hitting the ground with your foot, which wouldn't have been a problem if your right foot wasn't still stuck in the stirrup. 

Of course you had to fall onto your back in the most humiliating way possible. "Great. Twice in the same day." You huff, glaring at the sky, not really bothering to get up. 

Klaus clutches his stomach as he doubles over, laughing. It would've been a wonderful view if it weren't for the fact that he was laughing at you. 

You sit up to stare at him, "Come on; it's not that funny!" 

He merely pauses to take a breather and utter out "Whatever you say." Then, immediately, he's back to hysterical laughter. 

Without thinking too much, you find yourself charging at the tall blond, tackling him to the ground. "Now that is funny." You smirk. 

His face mirrors yours- a smirk tugging at his lips. "Now that is hot." He whispers, gently pushing his lips against yours. 

He props himself up on his elbow, keeping his right hand free to get lost in your hair. You place your knees on each side of his torso, hands cupping his face as you take lead of the kiss. 

Klaus sits up, careful not to push you off by accident (now that would be such a mood killer), now placing his left hand on your hip and pulling you closer to him. Both of you snuggle closer to feel as much of each other's warmth as you could. 

"I almost forgot how good that felt." You breathe out with a chuckle after you both break the kiss. Your foreheads were still only centimeters apart, allowing you to admire the details of Klaus's face up close. The way his eyes glint, the thick eyelashes you definitely weren't jealous of, the way his lips pull into a smile when he notices you staring- he was beautiful in so many different ways. 

"Maybe we should do it more often. That way, you can never forget." You wanted to kiss that smug-ass expression right off his gorgeous face. 

"Shut up." You slap his arm playfully and get up. The cold air hitting you hard, now that your mind wasn't focused on kissing an attractive blond. 

"You're cold." Klaus states. 

"I'm oka-" before you could finish, he placed his leather jacket on your shoulders, leaving him with only a long-sleeved shirt. 

"What are you doing?! Do you want to die of hypothermia?! Why aren't you dressed in layers of clothes?! I'm wearing literally my entire closet; why aren't you?!" You place the jacket back on an amused-looking Klaus. "We need to get you somewhere warm; let's go." 

Klaus chuckles but doesn't object. 

"Well, um, a little help here first." You sheepishly turn back to Klaus when you remember your little issue with riding the horse. "Not a word, Klaus!" You warn, knowing he was trying his best not to burst into laughter. 

"I didn't say anything." He raises his hands in defence- a grin still splattered right across his face

The ride back was a lot slower; maybe because neither one of you wanted your time together to end. Both horses walk side by side, allowing you and Klaus to have a normal conversation without yelling.

"Is it okay if I ask you something personal?" Your eyes search his features for any sign of discomfort.

"Sure." He replies with ease.

"Why haven't you tried to fix your relationship with your dad. I mean you can't possibly stop talking to him for something so trivial; he's family."

Klaus sighs, not out of annoyance but more like he hasn't thought of this in a long time. After a few moments of silence, excluding the sound of hooves repeatedly sinking through the crust of snow, his small, vulnerable voice broke the silence, "I'm scared."

He laughs lightly, mockery and insecurity instead of happiness evident in the action. "Ironically." He adds. "I advise you not to be scared, but here I am." 

"Everyone's scared of something. It's what makes us human, isn't it?" You turn your head to give him a smile- a slightly tense one, though, since you weren't used to directing your attention to anything but the horse while riding.

"I guess so."

"But you have to talk to him. Just like you encouraged me to do what I was scared of, I encourage you to do what you're scared of. What's the worst that could happen anyway? He gets mad? You already don't talk. You have nothing to lose."

He stays quiet, only giving a simple nod. It makes you wonder if you should've kept quiet about it after all. Did you make him uncomfortable?

"You're probably right." His sudden reply - though quiet enough - startles you, almost knocking you off the horse.

"This time we should stay in contact then you can tell me how it went." You half joke, still not believing that last time you two idiots actually kissed and enjoyed each other's companies but forgot to mention any method of communication. But here you are, together again.

"Of course." He laughs.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

xxx

Your phone buzzes, signalling a text.

SparKLAUS: guess where I am?

You: not trespassing I hope

SparKLAUS: ha ha very funny

SparKLAUS sent a photo.

You smile in awe at the selfie of himself and three other blonds that looked a lot like him; it would be creepy if you didn't know they were his father and siblings. They were all gathered around a fireplace, dressed in layers of clothing to keep themselves warm- Klaus, being the only one dressed in black. However, upon closer inspection, you could see white and blue peeking from beneath Klaus's leather jacket: a sweater. For once, Klaus was dressed appropriately and not trying to freeze to death.

SparKLAUS: you're late Miss Always On Time

SparKLAUS: we might just eat the cake without you

You: noooo I'm omw!!

SparKLAUS: never heard that one before

You: shut up goldstein 

You grab your purse and rush out the door, eager to meet up with Klaus and his family. Of course, eager to taste his baking for the first time as well.

[elvellonath]

Permanent Hiatus Notice / Goodbye

Okay, so after a few days of serious deliberation, and weeks of surely-annoying lack of activity, I've decided it's time to make a choice one way or another regarding this blog, and the future of my roleplaying in general. Long story short, I'm quitting. This is not an easy choice to make, I've been going back and forth for a while considering how much I don't want to disappoint everyone here, but at the same time I have to balance the idea of my actual inspiration. In essence, I've been unable to get any bit of inspiration for any of my characters in any way, and though likely nobody cares regarding the whole story, I just need to get it off my chest a little so that'll be under a read more.

So, no need to read past this point if you don't want to, and I wish everyone a happy life and that you all have fun with each other. Like Antigonius from Winter's Tale it's time to take my cue to exit stage right and be pursued by a bear—(( wait, what? )) Anyway, tragic endings of Shakespearean characters aside, I am happy to have met you all, and to have written with you, and since this blog hit its 100 followers sometime this week I might as well end on a good note and give a fun lil bias list in honor of all y'all who are still around. I'll miss you, but I feel that between marriage, a baby on the way, and a host of various other stressers which are pressing upon me (( half out of hormones I've no doubt )), it's best to turn to the things which I am quickly finding myself entrenched with anyway: writing for myself. Therefore, if any of you see stories with ships which you recognize/friendships etc... raises hand mea culpa. I can't help it, I've been around for nearly a year and a half (( might already be a year and a half I have no idea, I've been rping for nearly 5 years so... time flies )), and I'm sure my characters will love to show themselves after all this time in stories. Can't help it.

But without further ado … about nothing … ahem the Bias List:

@sorrowssinger​, @feralandfair​, @edhelaran​, @rondo-tarmenel​, @warriorswithin​, @bouncingbeleg​, @chieftess-of-the-haladin​, @dolamrotha​, @first-son-of-finwe​, @fcrestmaiden​, @loyalservants​, @neverparted​, @sindaran​, @voidxsm​, @ardaisms​, @forgemaiar​​, @lightofthetrees

Not many, I know, but these are the people I would suggest highly in all admiration. they’re great at what they do, and their characters are among my favorites, so if you don’t know them you totally should. You won’t regret it.

Again, let me say how awesome you've all been, and how I hope you will all do very very well in all your endeavors. To all of my shipping partners, it's been amazing to rp with you, and I can assure you I'll likely carry all my crackships with me in fond memory. I'm sorry for leaving you, but I feel it's necessary. Good luck, you guys.

If you wish to contact me, I can be found at my personal @thefrenchiestgoldenfry​ or on Discord at Nana#6882. Just to make it clear, I will not be returning, and so... Farewell, wherever you fare till your eyries receive you at your journey’s end.

-Nana

To explain in full my decision to leave, I figured I'd put that here for those who wanted to know, and also so I can just let some of it out so that I can close the door completely.

As you've probably noticed, I've... not been doing well in a sense of getting things done on here. I started with a huge amount of drive, but slowly my idealistic view of Rping has given way to baggage which I have started carrying around with me. I've altered my rules a number of times, had to deal with anons, watched people who I liked around disappear, seen frustrating debates, been told how to do things on my blog, and frankly... I get way too involved, and one by one stuff has been taking a toll on me.

I guess I never should have moved stuff, thinking back, as it kinda set in motion a grouping of characters together in a way I didn’t consider, and therefore caused them all to be knocked out with one blow.

The final straw has been Aredhel, to be honest, who used to be my main muse, but now she's barely around for me to think about, let alone write. I guess she's been so involved in my process of this for so long (( being my first Tolkien muse to take on back when I was part of a group )) that without my ability to write her, things fell apart. It's my fault, to be honest, I made her too weak to start with, too soft, too gentle, too... able to be pushed around, I guess, as I fell trap to what some people seemed to want from her. That being said, when I finally got around to changing her back to my original idea, it seemed to make things worse and within a week I regretted it, due to how it altered things with other characters. And so, bit by bit, Aredhel kinda disappeared into the shadows, and with her my inspiration to write the characters, not just here, but overall across all my blogs.

In addition, I got married back in September, and I'm now in my first trimester of pregnancy so my emotions are all over the place (( but mainly in inordinate stress. )). Therefore, things are happening that I just don't have the time I used to, and so that became a strong factor as well.

Anyway, ever since, I've been on a slippery slope. One second completely fine, and the next second completely unable to write out even a sentence. I tried to distract myself, take on new people in effort to find that one character that would click as much as she did—but I've not found a single one, and in that I guess I got myself more bogged down. Aredhel is my baby, and I guess that her disappearing into a corner took all my motivation from me despite my best efforts. Yet, strangely enough, I found myself capable of writing outside of RP, and writing her outside of RP. In just stories, where I don't feel the pressure of owing things, or anons, etc.

That being said, over the last two weeks I've been completely AWOL for the sake of my thinking, and in it I've been doing a lot of just plain writing. It's hard, in a way, because I've been Rping for so long, but in the end here I've found myself more relaxed than I've been in a long time. I've let the babies rest, and in it I've found new inspiration which is great to have again.

And so, a few days ago I considered just leaving—and now here I am. Again, I'm sorry for whatever disappointment this will cause, I'm sorry that like others I'm now leaving this community which I love very dearly, and phasing out. But in the end I think it'll be better for everyone. Me, because I'll be relaxed; and all of you because now you won't have to worry about replies I've not answered, or wondering if I will etc, etc.

So yeah... that's it. It's more detailed than that, but I think that's sufficient. Just didn't want to leave any questions for my full absence if there were any...

[scenevixx]

Vixx As Boyfriends!!!

[HAKYEON] - romantic pickup lines that makes you melt - teasing you 24/7 - even if you’re in a crowd with many people, he only sees you, and only you - overprotective, he makes sure that you eat well, don’t diet in a wrong way, and sleep well - and if you can’t sleep he will come to your room and whisper some sweet and romantic things to you saying I love you so much what did I do to deserve you// sleep well sleep tight dream of me you cute little one till you fall asleep - also would protect you from builes but using words instead of actions - surprise kisses, mostly on the forehead and lips - if hakyeon catches you talking to any boys even if there’s no intention of cheating on him tHAT BOY IS SO GOING TO GET IT - ^makes sure that he’s around if u’re surrounded by guys - when u’re cold, he will give you a warm embrace and kisses your cheek and say “you silly girl, bring more clothes to a cold country like this! Look, your cheeks are all red because of the cold!!” And what he did makes you so warm - he will bring you to school everyday, and when the girls asked you who’s that hot guy that fetches you to school and before you can talk he kisses your cheek and told them ure his girlfriend making the girls go cRAZY - he makes breakfast for you almost every morning, no matter how nasty it tasted sometimes, you will say it’s nice -you came back home after a few days (camp maybe?) and you went to his room and saw him murmuring some words as he sleeps - as you went closer and he was saying “ahh..I miss y/n so much..y/n when are you coming back? Is she hanging out with other guys?? Is she..” - and he started snoring, you stroked his soft hair as you whispered “I’m here..I’m back…sleep well hak, don’t worry about me” As you kissed his forehead a.k.a the place he loves to kiss you at - he woke up @ the sense of your touch and the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was you, his beloved girlfriend -he carassed your cheeks and planted kisses all over it, and then hugging you and telling how much he loves you and how much he misses you when u’re not with him and that he has so much thoughts on his head thinking if u’re going to hang out with other guys that’s not him. - and you told him you miss him so much too, and both of you proceeded with a kiss with both of his hands cupping your face and your hands wrapped around his neck

[Taekwoon] - a very, very quiet boyfriend - mostly shows his affection through actions - rarely talks, but cuddles with you under a soft blanket as your face buries into his warm chest and sings for you in his husky voice till you fall asleep - he will usually tell you his problems comfortably, without worrying you will spread it because he trusts you the most - when he comes back with ridiculously high grades, you will praise him so much till he covers his face and start hiding in the corner because he got shy - before dating you, he writes sad songs about heartbreak and unsuccessful relationships, but after he dated you, he wrote so many happy songs dedicated to you about how love makes him happy - once you can’t find him anywhere and you thought he ran, you thought he left you and you got so scared, you walked to your cupboard containing your clothes(to change and find him) and when you opened it you see Taekwoon munching the snacks you brought in a corner and you were like “JUNG TAEKWOON!! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP STEALING MY SNACKS TT.TT” but you saw him eating your snacks in such a cute way, ressembling a hungry baby hamster you just…let him be - when you reached college, you have to stay in the dorm in school for awhile. During that time, he sent you alot of letters and you decided to read them when everybody was sleeping.

“ dear y/n, You may find other guys that is better than me in there,you may find a guy that talks more than me and that you probably prefer that kind of affection than expressing love through actions,you may find a guy that stops stealing your snacks 24/7 and hiding in a corner of your room to eat,but I just wanna say I will always love you even if you find another guy.. because nobody can ever replace my heart other than you” Tears started rolling down your cheeks the moment you reached the end of the letter

“ silly boy, why would I leave you? Emotional boy… He must have written too many sad songs when I’m not around with him”

[jaehwan] • had asked you out through singing a song • pet names • a lot of pet names • “baby” “honey” “babe” • he initiates all the pda • he always lends you his clothes especially his hoodie • because he thinks you look really cute in oversized sweaters • personal serenades • every night when you cant sleep he sings for you • every time you feel down he sings for you • basically he sings very very very often to you • not that you mind, aft all it sounds like an angel calling you • dates with him would be so intimate • he’d make something simple like preparing breakfast into a game or something • making pancakes??? lmfao no more like FLOUR FIGHT • oh look now you both look like ghosts cause of all that flour • and then he makes you clean up the mess • but hes a softie so in the end he still cleans it up with you • will bug you to get a pet to keep together itll probably be a fluffy animal like a dog or a rabbit • but he’ll insist on naming it peter or something • xbox at midnight together with a bowl of popcorn • that he might have acidentally tipped over cause he was so agitated playing some racing game • also will not stop playing until he beats you • you eventually let him win because you were tired and he wasnt gonna let you stop until you did so • a m e s s • unless youre physically together, you’ll never not get a text from him in 24 hours • long messages with cute typos, a lot of emoticons and A LOT of ♡s • can literally SENSE when youre having a bad day and goes out of his way to cheer you up • animal impression contests between the two of you!!! • and you also always have high note battles with him even when you know youre gonna lose • your dates are never too extravagant and over the top • he focuses more on making you feel comfortable around him than bringing you to expensive places • lots of selcas • lots of aegyo • overall really sweet and youll never have a dull moment with him

[Ravi] • ngl sometimes you’d feel neglected because hes so focussed on his work • but he senses that and immediately makes it up • by immediately i mean after he finishes this song he just started working on • and by makes it up i mean smooches a lot of smooches physical contact • he’ll never pay you lip service, just lips • no one is allowed in his workplace unless its you so i guess thats kind of fair • altho you do choose not to disturb him since you know how hed rather be alone when working • but on the few instances you do you get spoilers for any upcoming tracks he was working on • and youd chuckle a bit everytime he plays you a guide version of his song that he recorded • because his husky voice singing the guide for girl group song cant not be funny • oh and the dog • butt • you two treat it like your child • he finds it hard to express “i love you” in words to you • and for some reason can only do that through songs • yes he composes songs with you as his muse • prob gets jaehwan to sing the guide instead so you wont laugh • he learnt that the hard way because,,it was supposed to be a serious song when he played a song to you but you ended up laughing when he couldnt reach a higher note • you werent mocking him you just found it really cute • really cute that he tries so hard to make up for all the lack of attention he gave you when he worked • there were days youd enter his workplace and see him just kinda passed out on his desk • no he didnt faint he fell asleep • oh the poor thing working so hard • and so you just kinda look at him and smile • he looked so vulnerable and innocent you couldnt believe it was the same guy in the day • but all dem royalties he earns tho • he easily splurges all those extra cash on you • fancy dinners and buying you stunning gifts • he never really had to say it but you could feel his sincerity in his love • not the most romantic guy but hey hes trying and you appreciate that

[hongbin] - handsome flower boy, all the girls were so envious of you dating such a boy like him - very awkward, he took a long time to tell you he likes you because he’s shy to express his feelings for you - whenever u’re sad, he will always be there telling his dark pasts and doing sets of cringey aegyos to make you laugh - constant teasing that made you so annoyed at the same time entertained - when fruits are served he will be so happy and that when you tried to take one fruit from his plate he will be like “NO THEY ARE MINE!!!” In such a childish manner - but after that he will feed you with those fruits because he loves you so much - he will bring a actual camera when he’s going out with you. He will usually take photos of you without you knowing and you ask him “why are you taking unglam photos of me? I surely look ugly in these photos..” And he kissed your forehead and then telling you that don’t have to worry at the fact you look ugly in these photos because you’re always beautiful - he always wants you to challenge him in overwatch, and that when you say that you will definitely win him, he said “babe, u’re talking to a person that is ranked 7th in the whole world for the character Hanzo” And that when u’re almost gonna win him, he will take away your control and youre like “HEY!! THIS IS CALLED CHEATING!!” and you tried taking the control back from him - but he accidentally fell on you and he was like on top on you and u’re at the bottom(let’s say you both played the game in the living room hence y'all sat on the sofa and played the game). Your heart was beating so fast and you closed your eyes tightly think that he will do something to you. he went closer to you, and he will push your hair behind your ears with his delicate fingers as he whispered

“I love you”

[Hyuk] • omf how does he just turn from that manliness to a baby in like 0.7262 seconds • literally one second he has his hair up and gelled and hes being a gentleman and all • and the next moment his smile just appears and melts all of that manliness away and you just want to protect him??? • but you know in reality hes the one whod protect you because LOOK AT THOSE ARMS • childish fights over the tv remote • and he’d make that high pitch scream when you try to snatch it away and things dont go his way • and the scream scared you so youd let go of the remote • and thus you admit defeat and be forced to watch naruto • it kinda gets rubbed onto you and before you know it youve become an avid viewer of naruto too • hes proud that he influenced you • and on your dates oh my god the forehead • he styles his hair up and reveals the glorious forehead • and he pulls out the chair for you • or at least you _thought_ he was gonna pull it out for you hahah jk nop he sits on the chair • and you look at him like,,, wthyuk man • then he just stares at you like,,,,, what are you waiting for go sit down • have i mentioned that you now like justin bieber too because he blasts his songs everywhere • also ocassionally hits ravi up on helping to compose a song for you • and he wont play the track for you • he’ll sing it live in front of you with the piano and all • aw what a sweetheart • teaches you how to play overwatch • will use the chance to wrap his arms around you to guide you on using the mouse • but i mean he only taught you how to play it so that he can trash you at it and feel good about it • ice cream dates!! • literally you two could be walking down the street and he’d disappear for 0.01727 seconds and return with two ice cream cones • and like in all those romantic shows - you’d have a bit of ice cream at the corner of your mouth • but instead of using his finger to wipe it off he uses it as an excuse to kiss you but he licks the ice cream as well • and afterward he flushes really red and that just makes him cuter • because hes so tall he’d purposely tip toe to tease you so you cant kiss him • but also bends down loads for that lip kiss • and his chest has got to be the absolute best place to ever bury your face in • its so warm and when he embraces you like that you feel so protected and safe • would be the type to splurge on you unnecessarily because he feels like he doesnt do enough for you • when in reality he does • definition of protective boyfriend • like what,,,, do you think those arms are for display only • the other members treat you like a god • because they know if they dont hahah theyll end up like leo in that vixxtv episode (ep 72??)

(Side note: hi!!! This is our first post and we didn’t really have a legit intro but I’m chrissia and the other child in here is Janelle! I did Hakyeon, Taekwoon and hongbin and Janelle did Jaehwan Ravi and Hyuk!!) (yes hi im janelle HAHAH you can tell the difc i guess i use •s and chrissia uses -s so yeah thats cool)