#I love these three doofuses

[cbmagus49]

STANUARY WEEK 1: MYSTERY

It’s the (post-Timestuck) Mystery Trio!!! I’ve been meaning to get around to drawing these guys for ages :D

[frodo-with-glasses]

They’re so smart.

One | Two | Three

[summerlycoris]

All the girls in security breach are some degree of girlfail.

Roxy? Girlfail in denial. She has to hype herself up in the mirror, is clearly projecting HARD when she insults Gregory ("I bet you don't even have friends..." comes to mind.) And then she gets run over by a reindee- I mean go kart. After that the denial really kicks in- "I'm still beautiful. I just need a little work done..." And then in ruin she loses to the mimic in what could have been her big moment. Poor Roxy... never change.

Chica? She knows she's a girlfail, and has accepted it. She eats her trash and walks around like a zombie. I'm sure at some point she wasn't like this. But she is now, and she seems to be at peace with it. Even in ruin, she's happy just to eat trash, and get her voicebox back.

Vanessa? She's a girlfail, and she doesn't know it. She's working a dead end job while possessed by an electric serial killer copycat virus. When she saw Gregory, for so long the only thing she could do was shine a flashlight at him. Couldn't even summon an animatronic until a few patches ago. Couldn't even actually catch Gregory (unless he literally walked into her, or in cutscenes.) Until the ruin patch. Needed a kid to save her using the power of three arcade machines. Managed to seal the mimic with Gregory's help, and make MXES... which then got turned off and the mimic was let loose not long after. Absolute failure. That's why I love her.

[its-your-mind]

ALWAYS rotating TAZ: Balance around in my brain like microwave but ESPECIALLY with the announcement of The Suffering Game graphic novel

The dope thing they can do (and are doing) with the graphic novel series is sprinkle in moments of foreshadowing and hints to the reader about what REALLY might be going on here, which is so cool and I’m a huge fan of it, especially when you’re telling a story in this form.

But what is REALLY FUCKING TASTY about Balance as a story is that none of the motherfuckers telling it had any clue what they were doing when they started

Gerblins is dick jokes and not knowing how dice work and making fun of each other for voices. LICHRALLY the scene where Taako grabs the Umbrastaff is immediately proceeded by Clint trying different voices for Merle while Justin begs him to stop, as Taako. Merle gets launched across the room cuz he failed his save, and now Taako has an umbrella. The scene moves on.

Griffin brought them up to the BOB, introduced them to the Director, and gave them memories of a war fought over nameless, lost, powerful but mysterious artifacts. The memory that Taako takes from it is the idea of soured cream (ya know, for his taco quest).

And then they’re off, on different adventures, making friends, saving lives, making more dick jokes, and Griffin is in the background, slowly building in the meta-plot, as all DMs do.

But this meta-plot was HUGE. It was ALL-CONSUMING. It completely changes everything we know about this world and these characters. It takes the moments of dick jokes, and arguments about character voices, and flirting with death, and adds a layer of tragedy and complexity that just wasn’t present the first time they told that story.

AND THAT’S WHY THIS STORY KICKS ASS. The vibe of the story changed as Tres Horny Boys grew closer and closer to remembering the lives they had lost, as Griffin upped the stakes, as people started dying. They still don’t know shit for most of The Suffering Game, but you absolutely could not have predicted the tone of that arc after just listening to Gerblins. It sounds like a completely different story. And so when the other shoe drops, when shit breaks bad, when it’s the end of the world… again, and they have to reclaim their Stolen Century…

It makes sense. The tone has shifted enough to accommodate that kind of change. The characters have grown (back) into themselves enough to make this work.

Because TAZ: Balance is a tragedy. But the tragedy happened before the podcast even started, and had been erased. So of course it started off with goofs and dildo jokes. Of course the three of them started being standoff-ish with each other and making light of every situation that should have had a lot more weight. They didn’t know what they had lost, and we, the audience, didn’t either. So it was easy to laugh and joke… until slowly, it wasn’t so much anymore.

Plenty of people have praised Griffin’s storytelling abilities, but I think the thing that was most impressive to me was how he took the disparate threads laid out behind the Boys on their adventures, and followed them backwards, into the story they had lost, and forwards, into the ending they earned. I fucking love that he settled on Istus as the deity to interact with them, because I don’t think there’s a better representation of the story Griffin was weaving behind the scenes of the arcs.

Story and Song wasn’t really an arc driven by dice rolls and role playing - but it wasn’t railroading either. Griffin took every story they had told, every happy ending they had fought for, and twined them around and through each other. The world was saved not because of a lucky nat 20 roll, but because every person they had helped through the story came out in force to fight beside them to save their world.

And so in the end, the Stolen Century was a tragedy. But The Adventure Zone: Balance was a story of hope, of family, of the power that just a few loveable doofuses can have when they move through the world, making friends and saving lives. So when the world was ending and they needed help, there were dozens of people waiting to hear the Story and the Song that would give them the push they needed to fight, and the hope they needed to win.

[mediumgayitalian]

It starts really…really stupid.

The Apollo cabin is having a movie night. Will’s DVD collection is bigger than his textbook collection, which is saying something, because he is a nerd. They baited Nico with a pirate movie: then, when he was comfortable and moon-eyed and unable to keep his mouth shut for a good twenty minutes after the end credits, they started phasing in the rom-coms.

Evil. Manipulators, the lot of them; so incapable of lying that they’re masters of bending the truth. Nico would leave, except they literally barricaded the door and keep all the lights on so there are no shadows for him to duck into (something he should have questioned from the very beginning, but unfortunately as soon as the Pirates of the Caribbean theme started playing, his reasoning skills hopped on a train and fled back to the Lotus Casino in 1938. So).

“This is stupid,” Nico grumbles, not that anyone is paying him any attention. Every single one of Will’s siblings stares at the TV with their chins in their hands, completely ignoring any and all of Nico’s (very valid) criticism.

Not that it stops him. “This is less realistic than Davey Jones,” he insists, largely just so his grievances are Known and Aired Out. The leading man says something stupid and cheesy, and three seperate doofuses in his company genuinely swoon. Nico scowls as hard as he can, pulling a blanket over his head. “Idiotic and cheesy.”

Nico pointedly isn’t following the plot — not that there is one — so he has no idea what’s going on. He squints. The leading man is wearing some ugly suit, too tight, and the leading lady collapses tearfully in his arms, thanking him about something.

Will sighs dreamily. Nico scowls harder.

“When is it my turn,” Will laments.

Kayla reaches over blindly and pats him on the head. She ends up more smacking him gently and lovingly on the face, but Will doesn’t seem to mind.

“Don’t we all want to know.”

“You don’t understand,” Will says dramatically. He flops backwards, hands flailing. Nico peeks over from under his blanket. His Head Medic camp shirt has ridden up in his dramatics, showing a sliver of skin. Nico flushes and intentionally looks away, focusing on his friend’s face.

“When will a rich, attractive older man come waltzing in here and offer to put me through med school, huh? When will my dream come true?”

Nico is 90% sure that Will is joking, but without his permission, be blurts out —

“You’d run off with some guy you don’t know?”

“Without hesitation!” Will cries. He yanks himself back upright, making Nico jump, arms thrown up and forehead creased. “You know how broke I’m gonna be when I’m done school?”

Nico doesn’t answer, but Will doesn’t wait for one.

“Very! I grew up on a pullout couch, which, I love my mom, and I love our apartment, but I want — I want —”

With his long, lanky limbs and flushed face, he begins to remind Nico of a kettle. He refrains from pointing this out. His siblings, on the other hand, openly snicker at him, dividing their attention between the movie and throwing popcorn at their eldest brother’s head.

“I want an Alaskan King! And — a mahogany desk! With lots of drawers! And windows! Floor to ceiling windows! And a rooftop garden!”

He glares playfully at his siblings, who are all giggling now, pointing fingers at them all.

“Lemme tell you right now. A man walks in here offering me that and a cheque for any school I want and it’s over for you people. I’m gone. You can fend for yourselves.”

“Yeah right,” Austin snorts, disbelieving. He reaches over and pinches Will’s thigh, cackling when he squawks. “We can’t even get you to leave the infirmary at the end of your shift. You’re stuck here forever, Rapunzel.”

“Just you wait! My prince will come!”

“As if he even wants a prince,” he hears Kayla whispering to a giggling Gracie, who responds with a cheeky, “Not when he’s got a king!”

Nico doesn’t know who they’re talking about, but the fact that there’s someone — his vision goes green. He has to tamp down a genuine snarl which is — ridiculous. And out of nowhere.

He cuts another glance to Will, who is still muttering petulantly. Every few minutes, he hears something about an “open floor plan” and “high pressure showers”.

He gets a very, very stupid idea.

———

The first mistake (because that’s what it is) is easy to explain away — the Hades cabin is still under renovation.

Well. Mostly.

“Please,” Will is begging, eyes big and pleading and painfully, beautifully blue. “Please? I’ll bring movies! And Yan’s Wii! And get Cecil to lend me some of the games he — uh, acquired! Pretty please!”

Nico has to bite back the you could be toting a pack of Lastrogonian giants with you and I’d still let you in that so desperately wants to come out of his mouth.

“Bring snacks and I’ll consider it,” he says instead.

Will beams. His eyes nearly squeeze shut, when he smiles like that, and there’s nothing Nico can do about the sharp inhale that rips through his chest. He blinks the spots away from his eyes, everything suddenly a little brighter, covered in golden sunlight.

“Yes!” Will cheers, pumping his fist and jumping up and down like a lunatic. Nico is so endeared that it aches something awful in his chest, and his cheeks smart from the size of his smile. “Sleepover! After my shift, di Angelo, I won’t be late!”

Yes, you will.

“I lock my doors and set a skeleton guard to watch it at eight,” he warns with a throat suddenly dry. “I mean it, Solace. I’ll sic the harpies on you.”

Will laughs as he jogs towards the infirmary, clearly not believing him. Nico watches him go the whole way, jumping when a hand lands on his shoulder.

“You,” says Drew Tanaka, blowing a bubble with her gum, “are a humiliating case, di Angelo.”

He shoves her, scowling. His face feels sunburnt. “Shut up.”

He absolutely does not spend the day moping after the infirmary, despite whatever rumours Drew’s lying mouth might spread. He has a job, thanks. He runs three separate sword fighting classes, and the younger kids are insane, so he doesn’t have time to be distracted.

Not that he is. But. Hypothetically, if he were to be distracted, he isn’t. Yeah.

He sits with Percy and Jason at dinner, distractedly wolfing down his food. Some kind of barbecue. He is not paying attention.

“No, Jase, we can say whatever we want, he’s not listening —”

“If he decides to stab you I am going to let him —”

“What’s going on?” Nico interrupts, looking up for the first time.

Percy smiles angelically, placing his hands under his chin.

“Nothing, Nico dear.”

Jason bangs his head on the table.

“I’m gonna…leave,” Nico says, slowly. “Y’all…do whatever you’re doing.”

“You said y’all,” Percy says gleefully. “You said y’all.”

Nico flushes hotly. “I did not. Shut up before I summon Jules-Albert to run you over.”

Percy cackles. Even Jason laughs. Nico throws his plate at them as he stomps away, sprinting extra quickly past the infirmary for no reason at all.

Time seems to slow down after dinner. For all Nico knows, it actually does. It wouldn’t make a difference. By the time there’s a knock on his cabin door, the sun has well past set, and Will is smiling sheepishly.

“I didn’t hear my shift alarm,” he says, the second Nico opens the door.

Nico sighs. He bites the corner of his mouth, hard, so it doesn’t do something stupid like turn upwards or something.

“There’s ADHD, and then there’s you, Solace.”

Will leans into his personal space and presses an over-exaggerated, smacking kiss to his cheek before he can stop him. Nico goes scarlet.

“But you love me anyway!”

There are no thoughts left in Nico’s brain to refute him. The only thing shaking around up there are alarm bells and KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! repeated over and over again like a gong.

“Hngh,” he says, intelligently. Will doesn’t seem to notice, striding confidently right into the cabin.

“I brought the Wii and movies and stuff, like I promised, and I’ve been saving this chocolate I bought last time I went into the city — woah, when did that get here!”

Will freezes in the middle of the cabin, gaping. Nico nearly walks right into him.

‘That’ is the giant, brand-new bed tucked snugly in the far right corner — an Alaskan King.

Nico clears his throat, shrugging.

“Remodelling, remember? The coffin beds had to go. And no one else but me sleeps here, so. Hazel has her own bed on the other side.”

He gestures to the other corner, where Hazel’s — smaller — bed sits, empty, coral pink comforter straightened neatly. Will barely even glances at it.

“What! But I thought you already renovated the beds —”

“Temporary.”

Will squints at him for a moment. Nico squirms, trying to hold his gaze. He’s not lying — they were temporary. Of course, he only made the decision that they were temporary a week ago, but. Well. Truth is truth.

Evidently, Will decides that he isn’t going to get a real answer out of Nico or he doesn’t care to get one, because he quickly turns away and, with a running start, jumps and sprawls himself on the gigantic bed.

“Oh, gods,” he groans, and oh, gods, indeed, is Nico ever going to get a fucking break or is his face just going to be stuck like this all the time. “Gods, Neeks, I am going to move in here. I don’t even — look! I can stretch all the way and I don’t touch the edge!”

“I see that,” Nico says weakly. His shirt has ridden up again. Nico bites back the confessing comment he wants to make about undershirts and how Will should invest in them.

“Man, I feel like I could pass right out,” Will sighs, eyelashes — they are so long and so blonde who decided that who gave him that right — fluttering shut. He grabs on of Nico’s pillows and curls around it, content. Nico stares. And stares.

After too much time has passed, Will cracks an eye open, smiling slightly. “Well, don’t just stand there, Death Breath. Bed’s more than big enough for us both, now. Get over here.”

Miraculously, Nico does, managing to unglue himself from the floor and look anywhere but the long, languid stretch of Will’s body.

(They play four straight hours of Mario Kart — or, rather, Will spends four straight hours losing. When they finally fall asleep, they’re so far apart on the giant bed they might as well be in different countries — but Nico wakes up in the middle of the night with his arms around Will’s waist, and practically throws himself on the ground for the rest of the night.)

———

The next thing he does is just…embarrassing.

“I think you look hot,” Mitchell, Piper’s brother, assures him kindly. He pats Nico’s flaming cheek. “Honest. And it’ll work wonders! Will’ll be struck.”

“Why do people keep saying that,” Nico croaks. “I don’t even like him!”

“Uh-huh. Sure.”

With Mitchell’s unwavering — if teasing — assurance, Nico finds the courage to step out of the Aphrodite cabin and into the waning sun. He’s grateful he waited until after the summer ended to do this — the fewer people around the witness, the better. His reputation is hanging on by a string as it is.

A wolf-whistle rings out the second he steps off the porch, making him scowl. Cecil, unfortunately, is far too used to being on the receiving end of it and does not even flinch.

“Looking spiffy, Ghost King!”

“Bite me,” Nico growls back, and is only aware of the trap he’s walked into when Cecil gleefully says, “I believe that’s Will’s job, actually —”

He wisely scampers away before the skeleton Nico summoned can murder him.

The second he’s out of sight, Nico slumps.

What is he doing.

“Aw, jeez, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes! Lemme tell you the gar-bage I had to endure tod — Nico?”

Nico whips up to face the voice. Will stands a few feet in front of him, unmoving, wearing his scrubs today — heavily stained, yikes — and his favourite pair of ratty cargo shorts. The expression on his face is oddly inscrutable.

“Are you…going somewhere?”

“Yeah,” Nico says, flushing and repeating himself when his voice cracks three separate times. “Yeah, I’m. Um. Ambassador of Pluto duties, you know. I’m expected in New Rome in a couple hours.”

It’s not quite the truth — he is going to be in New Rome in a couple of hours, but his reason for being there is fabricated. Literally.

“I didn’t know you were visiting today.” Will steps forward, almost trance-like. His eyes are glued to somewhere around Nico’s chest, and he reaches out — hesitantly, although he’s never been hesitant to touch Nico in all the time he has known him — to brush his fingers over Nico’s collar. “This isn’t what you usually wear.”

Nico swallows. No, it is not. Usually, his Ambassador of Pluto uniform is his black toga. (It still is. If he was actually on duty and showed up in anything else, several Romans would have his head. Good thing he’s full of it.) But right now, he’s wearing a tailored, black silk suit made by hand by some dead Byzantine seamstress whose name Nico could not pronounce if he tried. Diamonds glitter in the lobes of his ears, freshly pierced, and his rings are more polished than usual.

“Special occasion today.”

Will doesn’t say anything for a long moment. His hand still curls at Nico’s collar, millimeters away from his neck, heat boring into his skin.

“You clean up nice.” An expression Nico can’t name flits across his eyes, and Nico’s breath catches, and then he’s grinning, too-wide and teasing, reaching up to dig a hand through his hair. “But maybe ditch the hair gel, Wilbur Robinson, and just let —”

“Gah! Get off of me! You’re the worst!”

Will stumbles back as he shoves him, weak from laughter, and Nico’s stomach flips.

———

The third thing is maybe the most ridiculous out of all of them — and almost gets him killed.

“I’m starving,” Will complains, apologizing to the random New Yorker who just walked into him. (Nico rolls his eyes. Will would get eaten if Nico wasn’t here — he is too soft for the city. He’s gonna get shoved into a puddle or something; he’s so unwilling to elbow his way through a crowd that Nico has to hold his hand so as not to lose him. Definitely not a city boy, that’s for sure.) “And we don’t have to meet Argus for another two hours — can we stop for food? I want something fried. Desperately.”

“I guess so,” Nico sighs, pretending to be more put-out than he is. Will doesn’t buy it for a second, rolling his eyes hard enough to hurt.

“C’mon, Nicholas Hoult. There’s gotta be a diner around here somewhere, and I still want to go shopping after this.”

He lets Will pull him around, even though they’d probably get somewhere faster if Nico leads. Will stops every three seconds to listen to a busker, or observe particularly interesting graffiti, or attempt to pet a pigeon. It shouldn’t be cute, it should be embarrassing because Will truly never gets out, but it is — endearing. A little. Even if Nico can feel his stomach eating itself.

Will brightens when he finally stumbles across some gaudy, mint-green painted, hole-in-the-wall family restaurant, beaming back at Nico like he won a sparring match rather than stumbled upon somewhere to eat. But his eyes are squished shut, the way they are when he’s genuinely excited, and some early January snow dusts his golden hair, and his nose is red from the cold, and it’s just —

It’s a lot.

They find a booth tucked in the back corner. Will slides in next to Nico, not across from him, and it makes him — flush, for some reason, cheeks glowing as bright as Will’s massive, dorky scarf.

The waitress brings them sodas. Nico doesn’t remember ordering them, but it’s cherry coke — his favourite — so he must’ve. Will has a water, because he’s annoying and pretentious, and he tries to blow his straw wrapper at Nico but he’s too fast and catches it. Will pouts.

“You’re no fun.”

“I’ll show you fun.”

He’s balled up the wrapper as tiny as possible and flicks it at Will’s face before he can stop him, except it hits him in the — eye, and Will shouts in surprise, and Nico jumps and rushes to apologise but he’s laughing too hard for it to be sincere, and Will scowls playfully at him, and Nico bangs his knee on the rickety table trying to move it and it only makes him laugh harder, and Will cracks soon, too. And he can’t sing for shit but his laughter is musical, low and baritone and a little raspy on the edges, like the country music he loves so damn much. And all the laughter gets sucked right out of Nico’s lungs as he watches him, bright-eyed, red-nosed and freezing, still wearing his stupid parka even though it’s barely below forty degrees, and he is suddenly achingly truly and obviously the most beautiful thing Nico has ever seen in his life, and he thinks oh, no. But it doesn’t hurt.

It doesn’t hurt at all.

———

(After the diner, they go window shopping, and Nico feels like he can’t function. His chest aches with new knowledge that he doesn’t know where to put. New York air is disgusting but Will smells like eucalyptus and sunshine, always, and the look on his face when they pass a dusty antique shop is blinding. He’s rambling about old anatomy textbooks and gods knows what else and Nico nods along with a stupid, endless smile on his face that he couldn’t tamp down if he tried.)

(In the back of the shop there’s a big, ancient, beautiful mahogany desk. It has a divot for an inkwell and more drawers than Nico can count. It’s nine hundred dollars. Nico pulls out the credit card his father gave him for emergencies, buys it before Will can stop him, and shadow travels all three of them — himself, Will, and the unbelievably massive desk — back to Cabin 13, passing out immediately after to the sound of Will’s shout.)

(His father is the first thing he sees in his dreams, arms crossed, legs tapping.)

(“I believe I told you that card was for emergencies,” says the Lord of the Dead, “not crises over cute boys.”)

(“You were down so bad you kidnapped your wife instead of talking to her like a normal person,” Nico blurts, and immediately wishes he would melt into shadows.)

(He wakes up to another arms-crossed, foot-tapping figure: Will lectures him for two and a half hours. He times it.)

(But Will does all his paperwork in the Hades cabin, now, skin glowing amber under the Greek fire torches, often falling asleep on the smooth wooden surface. He hasn’t spent a night in the infirmary in months. Often, if Nico can wake him, he’ll crawl into Nico’s massive bed, curling all six-two of him into a ball around the centre and puffing tiny little snores into his pillow.)

(His cabin smells like eucalyptus and sunshine all the time, now.)

———

He tells himself that this will be his last thing.

(It isn’t.)

It takes him four separate times to muster up the courage. It’s — humiliating, is what it is, and he’s never been a coward except for maybe about this one thing.

“Dude,” says Katie Gardener, the fifth time he walks by her cabin without saying something, “this is getting embarrassing. Pull yourself together.”

“I’m — pulled,” he defends, wishing he didn’t get red so damn easy. “And — what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at college, or something?”

“College ends in April, stupid,” she says, as if Nico has more than a fourth grade education and would somehow know that. He refrains from sticking out his tongue because that is Undignified, and clearly he is the more mature one of the two of them. “What do you need, flowers for Will or something? You don’t need to bother. He likes dandelions.”

“I know what flowers he likes,” Nico snaps, and wallows in immediate despair as she snickers. He should consider having Will remove whatever part of his brain is responsible for Stupid, Emotional Outbursts. Or just get a lobotomy. Whatever’s faster, honestly.

“I need — a garden.”

“…A garden.”

“Please don’t make me say it again,” he begs.

Perhaps college has somehow made her merciful — which he doubts, anyone who sustains a relationship with Travis freaking Stoll stopped worrying about mercy long ago — or perhaps he truly is that pitiful. But she relents, rolling her eyes and muttering something about stupid teenagers and refusal to communicate, blah blah blah. Nico knows he’s a mess. He would appreciate it if everyone else politely pretended he wasn’t. She comes back minutes later with a truly massive bucket of soil, a handful of gardening tools, and several packets of seeds.

“Well, you don’t have a lot of space for it, kid, seeing as your cabin is kind of tucked —”

“I want it on the roof,” Nico interrupts. He manages to keep his face in check. “Uh, that would make the most sense, anyways. It’s flat and I can get there easy and — yeah.”

She narrows her eyes at him. Years of Hermes cabin pranks have left her with a truly magnificent BS detector, but after a moment she sighs.

“Whatever, kid. Let’s go. Nothing will grow for a couple months, anyways.”

———

The last thing is what, eventually, gives him away.

The issue is that camp is crowded in the summer. And, really, he would have gotten it done in the spring, except he needed help — he needed an architect.

And he only really knew one, and her school year was kind of packed.

“You want,” says Annabeth slowly, “to entirely restructure your cabin.”

Nico squirms. “I just want to change the windows,” he mumbles.

She stares at him, fingers steepled, for what feels like ten solid minutes. At minimum.

“Kid —” Nico scowls, she is barely three years older than he is and technically almost a century younger — “installing floor to ceiling windows in your cabin will restructure it — entirely.” She pulls out a paper and pencil out of, as far as Nico can tell, absolutely nowhere, and begins to sketch. “There are foundations here, see? So everything has to be moved and reorganized to keep the structure standing. I can’t just, like…knock out the wall. It doesn’t work that way.”

Nico slumps. “So it’s not possible?”

“I didn’t say that,” she snaps, offended. “I just said it won’t be easy. Gimme a couple hours, I’ll have blueprints.”

She barely hears him as he thanks her, nose already pressed to the paper. Nico smiles at her anyway. She’s the best and brightest of them for a reason, after all, and he appreciates her help.

The walk back to his cabin is a surprisingly pleasant one. A lot of his friends (which, woah) are finally back, and Nico is realising he’s missed them, and it’s nice to see them again. It’s also nice to see camp as busy as it is, as much as he likes the quiet chill of the winter months. All the cabin doors are wide open as people sweep out the dust, shake out sheets, air out the staleness that has been locked inside some of them for months. Chatter fills every corner, and the air smells like strawberries.

His small smile widens as he approaches his own cabin — the flowers he and Katie planted a few months back have started to bloom, and with them comes the memory of Will’s gasping excitement when he’d seen them, the smile that lit up his face. They’re regular plants, but Katie — enchanted them, somehow, protected them; even when Nico is having his worst days, they don’t wither. (And they keep growing, too. Nico has taken to picking a flower every morning and leaving it in his (Will’s) desk — to brighten up the room, on paper, but the flower always ends up whenever Will is by the end of the day. (And, more often than not, tucked behind his ear, locks of golden hair caught among brightly coloured petals; a crown of his own making.)

The cabin is empty when he walks in, unsurprisingly considering how often Will is usually locked in the infirmary for the first week of camp.

(He’ll be back tonight, to do his paperwork before heading back to his cabin. Nico’ll have to be sure he actually makes it back to his cabin — Chiron has been turning a blind eye, because Will needs more sleep and Kayla and Austin can handle themselves, but the little kids need their counsellor. Well, most days.)

Nico stands in the door and realises: things have changed.

Maybe a silly thing to think. But — a year ago, this place was unliveable. Dark, and dreary, coffin-shaped and miserable, it was no wonder it had never felt like home. But the sight of Hazel’s bed (and the sketchbook she left on it last time she was here) fills him with warmth, and the windows are always open, now, so even the air feels lighter. Dozens of Will’s textbooks are strewn around the room, Lou Ellen’s jacket hangs on the back of the desk chair, a deck of cards is sprawled on the floor. A sun lamp is plugged into the wall. Nico’s giant bed is unmade. He’s got laundry peeking out of the closet doors, and he needs to clean his bathroom. A pair of obnoxiously patterned flipflops sit by the door.

It looks lived in. It looks like somewhere that can be lived in, and most of all, his friends — Will — have been living in it with him.

He swallows the lump in the back of his throat, stepping in and shutting the door behind him.

It takes him time to tidy up. He leaves Hazel’s sketchbook where it is, along with most of Will’s stuff — although he shoves a couple textbooks in random drawers when he trips over them. He puts the rest of his friends’ stuff by the door so he doesn’t forget to return it, and makes his bed (which, frankly, he hardly does, because it’s a massive pain — he tucks in one corner of the mattress cover and has to freaking summon Jules Albert to get to the other. But it was worth it). He barely makes it to dinner, too distracted to hear the horn.

“Finally,” bursts a voice sometime around nine, throwing open the door and flopping on the bed. Nico smiles, setting down his game and running light fingers through Will’s frizzy hair. He groans, leaning into it.

“I hate the first week of camp!”

Nico snorts. “No, you don’t.”

“Yes I do! It’s miserable! It’s all —” he contorts just face, mocking — “‘Will, do this.’ ‘Will, do that.’ ‘Will, I forgot how hard the climbing wall was and incinerated myself.’ ‘Will, we need you to treat the group of kids Clarisse beat up.’ Will, Will, Will! Constant!”

“How dare they take up all your time,” Nico says, grinning.

“Right! They should be less — I dunno, disastrous! I am one person! I can only be pulled in so many directions at once!”

Despite all his complaining, the slightest of smiles pulls at Will’s mouth — as Nico would expect. He’s exhausted and perpetually overworked, sure, but there’s nothing in the world Will relishes like being needed.

“I just —” He sighs, leaning further into Nico’s touch. Nico’s throat goes dry. “Man, I’m so glad we have this place to ourselves. It’s the only privacy I get. Sometimes I just wanna close the blinds and never come out, you know?”

Nico freezes. “Uh.”

“And it’s — nice, in here. Smells like you. And it just, well —” He smiles, broad and soft, and, suddenly, Nico understands his father on a level he never thought he would. If Will looked him in the eye and asked him for all the riches under the Earth, asked him to defy Zeus, asked him to rule the dead — Nico would bend time and space to do that for him. He understands, abruptly and wholly, why loving mortals ends in tragedy, why the gods promise more than they can give. He wants to give Will everything. “I like when it’s just you and me sometimes,” he says, softly. “It can be nice to disappear.”

There’s so much love bursting out Nico’s chest he doesn’t know what to do with it. He feels like every part of him is screaming his affection, every molecule is straining to meet with Will’s. He’s dizzy.

“I,” he starts, then freezes again. He doesn’t know what — what. Every thought he’s ever had hits him at once, and he can’t pick one out, can’t think with all the clutter in his head.

Will perks up. “Yes?”

“I have to. Cancel. My plans. With Annabeth.”

Will deflates. “Oh.”

There is something here, something charged, something about to change — and Nico is losing it. He panics.

“I asked her to restructure the cabin!” he shouts, startling Will. He squeezes his eyes shut instead of looking at those wide, wide blue eyes. “To! Make. Floor to ceiling windows.” He waits a bit. “Apparently you can’t just bust down the wall. You have to. Restructure.”

It’s silent for so long Nico is half-convinced Will left, if it weren’t for the faint sound of him breathing and the heat Nico can always feel leeching off of him. He peeks his eyes back open.

“Why?” asks Will quietly when their eyes meet.

Nico swallows. It takes several tries to moisten his throat enough to speak. “Why what?”

“Why do you want to…have floor to ceiling windows?”

“Same reason I wanted this massive bed,” he admits, quiet, whispering, near silent. “Same reason I — changed my Ambassador uniform. Same reason for the desk and the —” he stumbles over his words, blushing — “the garden and the flowers and — this, right now.”

“Nico,” says Will, very very quietly.

“I just. Well. You were joking, you know? And, gods, it’s been a year, now, but I think you were telling the truth? A little bit? And anyway, I want you to have the things you like, and —”

“Nico,” Will says again, louder this time, a particular quality to his voice Nico can’t name. He falters.

“…Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

Nico doesn’t even have the chance to be offended. He doesn’t even have the chance to think. Before he can rationalize the situation and connect the dots in front of him, Will’s hands are sliding into his hair, his face is inches away, and then they’re kissing.

They’re kissing.

Will tastes like Blistex, like mint gum, and like the breath he sighs into his mouth. His eyes are closed, and for a full six seconds before Nico recovers enough to close his, he has the best view of his pale, fanning eyelashes that he’s ever seen — long enough to think: oh, this is a child of the sun. He smells familiar and — intoxicating. Nico never wants to know pure air again, never wants to move without the brand of Will’s over-heated hands on the back of his neck. Never wants to forget the rough scrape of Will’s chapped lips, the tiny little sounds and sighs he makes every time Nico moves their mouths, the slightest curl of his lips when he smiles, unable to hold it back. The rapid beat of his heart, pressed against his own chest.

“Nico,” he says again, slightly more urgent, pulling away just enough that their lips still brush every time he speaks, “Nico, I love you to death.”

“I would do anything for you,” Nico chokes out. He meets Will’s eyes and tries to — communicate it to him, tries to beam his thoughts into his head. “I would — move the moon and stars for you, do you understand that? Do you know how precious you are to me? My tesoro,” he says, feeling Will’s breath hitch. “Il mio cuore. Il mio cuore battendo, sole.”

For a second Nico frightens himself. He’s never spoken words like that to anyone in his life — not his mother, not Bianca, not Hazel, nobody.

But Will’s smile is radiant. And he still holds Nico, gently, and says over and over, “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

Something slots back into place in his chest.

[dustykneed]

OKAY YALL. jim totally has movie nights/show watching nights with bones and spock (jim's captain's quarters have this big retractable screen meant for conference calls or viewing ship logs but obviously it also effectively doubles as a giant tv screen!!) and it basically turns into sleepover night where they have fun doing the fun kiddy shit they deserve (after bones and jim nearly started brawling after jim wiped the floor at monopoly via "underhanded GODDAMN tactics" according to bones, spock has made a note never to attempt to bring up monopoly on movie nights EVER AGAIN)

but also consider: pre-slash spones watching a show and arguing about favourite characters ("Your parameters for selecting a 'favourite character' are most illogical, Doctor." "Favouritism is favouritism, Spock! I couldn't give a rat's ass about goddamned logic!") but agreeing that their favourite chars would make a great couple ("It would be illogical to deny the high compatibility of these characters. One might be inclined to infer that their opposing characteristics may in fact be complementary and hence conducive to an optimal relationship." "By God, just say that ya think they look good together, Spock!") EXCEPT THEIR FAVOURITE CHARACTERS ARE BASICALLY THEMSELVES RESPECTIVELY lmao

jim is sitting next to them on the couch watching them argue shaking his head like it is So obvious ya doofuses GET TOGETHER ALREADY

until this new character (extremely jim-coded) is introduced in the next season who has shockingly intense chemistry with each of the bones/spock coded chars individually. Which starts a whole ship war between bones and spock, who, ironically, ship the other's character with the new one, and go ham on trying to prove (quoting scenes, acting choices, prop choices, even theorising about behind-the-scenes agendas) that they're right about their ship. jim thinks it's absolutely fucking hilarious seeing his best friends come extremely close to duking it the fuck out on his couch over FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, GUYS, COME ON. all the while bones and spock are losing their fucking minds because occasionally their own favourite characters will have Moments and they'll go insane trying to figure out which ship is definitively endgame. they have a bet going that whoever has their ship sunk will have to hand over a quarter of their lab time to the victor and act as assistant while the other uses the time to work on their own experiments.

jim thinks it's the funniest thing he's ever seen- UNTIL ON THE LAST EPISODE OF THE SEASON ALL THREE CHARACTERS GET TOGETHER. jim (who has Known how much the character dynamics reflected the triumvirate themselves all along) is completely fucking speechless and has a huuuuge epiphany about his own feelings for spock and bones. meanwhile bones (speechless with pure unfettered rage both at the fact that technically he was wrong but also HOW COULD HE NOT HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE???) and spock (kicking himself mentally for not having considered this possibility previously) are about to argue (all while jim is spiralling lmfao) when the bones-coded character says something like "huh. I guess we were so focused on trying to pair up that we forgot we worked best together as a trio." and bones starts to Get It, and then spock also starts to Get It, and they turn to jim, who gets that they Get It, and begins to giggle hysterically, and it is so contagious that bones starts to die of laughter and even spock cracks a chuckle.

Later, when they're all lying in jim's giant bed sleepy and happy and satisfied, cuddled together and cozy as hell, jim tells them that he's sorta known they (spones) would get together like in the show all along but he doesn't know how he didn't figure out where he came into the equation until now when it was so obvious!! and bones tells him he thinks he had always loved jim and spock but for some reason it took months and months of ship wars to see it (lol) which he's definitely glad for despite the high blood pressure every time he and spock would argue. and spock presses a kiss to the corner of jim's mouth and two fingers to bones' own, and whispers that for once, he agrees fully with leonard on the matters of their new favourite ship. jim doesn't think he's ever grinned that wide in his entire fucking life.

[poryphoria]

erm what the phreak......it's like some kind of phighting oc post in here!! yeah i have four of these guys n they're all a big beautiful found family. Smiles

Enphoso's gear is based off the joyful periastron epsilon, albeit VERY heavily modified- she's the Crossroads' very own slasher, and also the adoptive mother of these three doofuses! Despite being a serial killer she loves her babies very much and keeps regular contact with them. Somehow. We're not.... Entirely sure how that's working out- but hey, it is! She never shows any skin and uses a voice changer while speaking- no one's really sure what she looks or sounds like. She's in her early 60s, so she's pretty damn adept at keeping herself alive.

Zombiestaff's gear is xeir namesake- xey wanted to be a Phighter, but unfortunately Dom & Valk have filed a restraining order on them due to xeir.... Unorthodox methods, putting it politely. Besides xeir tendency to Literally Just Bite People, xeir Phinisher quite literally entails mind controlling any Phighters within a certain radius, briefly turning them into hapless zombies to serve Zombiestaff's bidding! After some brief discussing and one-too many matches swept, the move was agreed to be illegal and Zombiestaff was banned from using xeir gear in matches. This doesn't stop xem from sneaking into the ring every so often, of course! Xey are the youngest sibling, jobless and currently living in the sewers of the Crossroads. C:

Bloxy Cola is god's least favorite service worker! Similar to Zombiestaff (despite what xey might insist), her dreams of being a Phighter also fell through, though mostly due to his own anxieties and feelings that her gear was "worthless" for combat. He works painfully long shifts at a gas station in the middle of buttfuck nowhere instead, selling cheap junk food and gasoline to people who are probably, generally having more fun than her for a living! He's tired, man. She's very tired. He's the middlest sibling.

Alien Parasite is a rather interesting case. Oldest sibling, and the only actual successful Phighter of the phamily- she used to reside in Playground with the rest of her family, until a particular Sword event and a bad run-in rendered it partially zombified! She still has a relative amount of her personality and free will intact, which is exactly why Blackrock took such a strong interest in it. She was "politely made" an "offer" of free housing within Blackrock, in exchange for completely signing away its human rights to scientific study- and really, how could a guy refuse??? Her siblings don't hear from it much anymore, but any correspondence they do get out of her sounds cheerful enough, so surely it's doing fine! Right? Right??

.....Bloxy and Zombie don't like to think about it all that much.

under the cut is some bonus doodles, concepts n little snippets of them interacting C:

+ hey man who's that

[cloudninetonine]

What about Player who doesn’t know about blood drinking fae Hyrule and finds him in a bad spot?

—

The past few days hadn’t been great to say the least. Sky had broken his wrist after a powerful moblin strike, Time was feeling guilty over being partially involved in said wrist break, Legend was having stess induced migraines, and Four was lashing out randomly (what you assumed was his colors’ distress).

To top it all off, Hyrule was ill, very ill.

It hadn’t gone unnoticed, with everyone keeping close for the past few weeks in fear of their more vulnerable state with two team members down and out, it was easier to pick out details on those who more than often wandered off.

Hyrule had gotten sicker than a dog within days, growing pale as breathing became a slog. You stayed beside the groaning hero, gently brushing the sweat out of his scruffy bangs on hot days.

It all came to a head during the middle of your third week stuck in the same ditch. You forced Time to sleep, as he was exhausting himself after taking watch for the past three days. Now you sat and watched the surrounding area, a small groove cut out of the land in the middle of a snowy spruce forest.

For a moment you let yourself get lost in the stars, letting the cold, bleak twilight air brush through your curls.

Wild would probably yell at you for taking the watch. He had unfortunately bothered to listen to your ramblings of your life and he and Hyrule had decided that no, you were not fit for watch. Really it was just an excuse to make you as comfortable as possible, the doofuses.

Though you thought maybe they were right, as you realized that you hadn’t actually been paying attention to the camp. You shook yourself, doing a quick scan of the small ditch.

Something felt… off.

You looked it over and over until you realized the issue.

Hyrule was gone.

You jumped to your feet, leaping up from the rock you had sat yourself on. You desperately whipped your head about, as if it would somehow aid you in finding your lost hero.

You slapped both sides of your head, urging yourself to think. It was snowy, white cloud covered the forest floor, meaning tracks. You moved up to the bed roll, discovering barefoot prints that led up and out of the ditch.

Without a second thought you rushed forward, scrabbling up the side, grabbing onto dead tree roots to haul yourself up, the lifeline breaking off behind you.

You took off, trudging your way through thick snow. You cried out to the winds, receiving nothing but a taunting zephyr back. It didn’t take long for you to be gasping for breath, eyes shaking in their sockets as the trail began to get fresher and fresher.

Eventually you were at the very edge of the small spruce wood, panting for breath. There was a partially frozen over river, only a small six or so feet long. In front of it was what you were looking for.

Hyrule, crouched down and over something as gargles came from where he positioned himself, it sounded as if he was guzzling something down.

Something was wrong, very wrong.

“Rulie?” You whispered out, a cautious curiosity in your voice. “Are you… okay?”

All motion stopped from the traveler, he stayed crouched over for a long moment, almost long enough for you to feel the need to call out again. Before you could Hyrule suddenly stood to his full height, letting himself drop what he had been holding.

You let out an involuntary gag as a mutilated fish fell to the snowy floor with haunted, white eyes, the exposed bone’s surface licked clean of blood. Hyrule’s neck suddenly snapped around as his gaze locked onto yours. A shiver traveled down your spine as the edges of his silhouette were painted ominously by the bright light of the full moon directly behind him, the rest of his visage blackened out by darkness.

He turned and slowly stumbled in your direction, head hanging limply. You moved backwards, periodically looking behind yourself as to not run into a tree.

“He-hey! It’s me! It’s me, (Name), yeah?” Your instincts screamed at you to run, but you were certain that the man who had been on the run all of his life was faster then you, and you weren’t exactly in the mood to play predator and prey.

You were surprised by the uplift of his head, which resulting in a very sudden burst of speed as you were knocked onto your back, neck whimpering as the cold snow drove away whatever warmth you had.

His face was pressed directly against the crook of your neck. His breathing was shallow, yet louder than the chirping of the crickets with him so close to your ear.

“I- I can’t…” he wheezed, each inhale long and drawn while each exhale was quick and impatient. “I- I don’t want to hurt you.” Something wet was left against your neck as he whispered against your skin, the cold dampness dripping off his lips.

“I-“ you tried to compose yourself. You didn’t know what Hyrule was talking about, but he was clearly in distress, and he needed… something from you.

“You- you aren’t going to hurt me, Rules.” You brought a hand to his tangled, messy mop of hair. “I trust you with all my heart and soul. There isn’t a world where I don’t trust you, where I don’t help you with… whatever is going on.”

“…Truly…?” He rasped, squeezing you just a little tighter.

Gingerly, you pushed the hero to rest on his knees as you sat up, finally spotting a dark, crimson liquid slowing drying on his chapped, frosted lips.

You understood now, you weren’t an expert on the fae but you had read your fair share of lore on them.

“Yes, truly.” You pulled your gifted arm guard off and brandished your arm. “You holding yourself back while starving says enough.”

Slitted pupils grew to the size of dinner plates, a look of utter astonishment and reverence on his face. Without another word his quivering hands took hold of your arm, you looked away just as you felt a sharp pinch.

—

UAGABAH He loves them so fucking much that even while starving- because he can’t sneak off and feed- he forced himself above the waters to keep them safe. However, he simply cannot resist an offer, maybe if he were lucid but right now he’s too hungry to care.

Also when he was on top of them and breathing he was just trying to smell them, get a load of their scent and that blood he wants SO BAD but he knows he shouldn’t have. Honestly making it worse for himself but he doesn’t particularly care.

NAH BECAUSE I LOVED EVERY LAST SECOND OF THIS

Our favourite vamp fairy, in all honesty, especially because he holds back- would they only experience a few moments of pain? Yes, but any pain he inflicts, even the tiniest bit fucks with his morals for the one he loves so he's not gonna do it.

He just loves them so much and it just makes me JNDNWNXNKSD

[fish-gh0st]

I love these three doofuses so much. Also how do you draw boats

[yakumtsaki]

Boy does this update have everything: births, deaths, birthdays, murder attempts. Of course when Dagmar Bertino shows up I just know things are about to go to shit, walking bad omen.

-Alright, cough up the goods, blondie! Did I say that right, Valentina? -Yes, you’re doing great, now bite her ankle! -You said this wouldn’t be violent! -I also said this relationship wouldn’t work if you remained a timid flop!

-Oh Sandy, I don’t know what to do, Valentina and I are just too different.. I like walks in the park.. She likes organized crime.. -O̵H̵ B̸O̶O̸H̵O̸O, A̵T L̸E̴A̶S̷T Y̵O̸U̷'̵R̶E N̴O̵T A̷ Z̴O̷M̵B̶I̶E D̶O̵G WA̵S̵H̴E̴R🧟

The lovely Valentina takes a break from beating up the cats to give birth, now I want to remind you guys that I specifically picked Moody so he would tone down the aggressiveness of our dogs because the pet fights are out of control-

-and this is what he gave me on ALL THREE OF THE PUPPIES. So basically the only thing that changed is that they’re doofuses and pigpens now but still aggro, amazing!

Well they’re still cute, welcome to the household Servilia, Maximus, and Calpurnia❤️

I have so many slightly different photos of this exact situation that I’m constantly getting deja vu like ‘didn’t I already post this??’

UGH, ENOUGH. While I’m needlessly documenting this bullshit..

..Alcibiades dies💔 I hate how abrupt pet deaths are in this game, you don’t even get an event window and I keep missing them without saying goodbye!!!

RIP Alcibiades, you were such a good, chill boi who singlehandedly saved our cat legacy by being the feline suitor to finally manage to knock up D’vorah. I’ll miss you, baby.

Of course no death is tragic enough to stop certain robosexuals for engaging in ungodly activities. How many times do you have to be caught cheating in one day till you’re finally satisfied, Cyneswith???

Shajar returns from work and brings Hot Downtownie with her, but HD only has eyes for Sophie.

HD: Boy, I cant wait to meet Sophie :) Sophie: Boy, I can’t wait to have some toxic interaction with Shajar :)

The kittos are here, four of them too, damn, Dobronega!

-Go big or go home.

I can’t @ all of them having your eye scar too, iconic. Now as you probably recall because I just mentioned it yesterday, my goal with the cats was the opposite than the dog one aka I wanted to make them more aggro because the dogs are bullying the hell out of them. Let’s see how we did..

FINALLY SOMEONE AROUND HERE UNDERSTOOD THEIR ASSIGNMENT, TY DOBRIE. At last I can give the cats Mortal Kombat names and they will actually fit them, so here we have Kitana, Mileena, Ermac, and Scorpion, welcome bbs!

It could be possible we have too many pets now, but as long as we’re not flashing pink I’m gonna be in denial about the lag.

-Hey Sands, whatchu doing?🌸 -S̴K̴ILLI̴N̶G̶ F̶O̵R M̶YJO̷B. E̴VE̵R H̶EAR̴D O̴F T̷H̵O̷S̶E̴?🧟

RUDE. Cyneswith might not have a job but she performs many valuable tasks around the house, such as.. uh.. oh I got it:

SETTING A FIRE IN THE KITCHEN WHILE iVAN RUNS AMOK-

-AND TRIES TO KILL HER. 

Legit I don’t even know how to comment on this one, it’s already been established that when I go too long without taking Cyn out to lover-hunt she starts setting fires, but iVan electrocuting her?? I guess he was like ‘I brought you back into this world and I can take you right out of it.’

It’s another carefree night of swimming until 5am for Sugar..

..while Jojo fixes iVan’s crazy ass. Jo I don’t know how to tell you this, but when you die it might be time for iVan to.. you know, go live in a big robot farm. Called a junkyard. 

-WHAT?! Don’t even think about it, he’s my biggest scientific achievement!

Your biggest scientific achievement breaks down 3 times a day, who the fuck is gonna be fixing him once you’re dead??

-I’ll commute from Hell!

Sophie returns from work, gets promoted for the third time in a row, and Shajar RUNS TO HUG HER. Do I dare even ask what on earth is going on now?

-Nothing to be alarmed about, dumbass, we made up! -Yes, I apologized for suggesting a zombie threesome.. -And I in turn apologized for being a perfect mother and wife. 

Really Soph, that’s what you apologized for?

-Adopt a different tone if you want to address me.  -Haha, get her babe!

Alright then, so clearly Sophie climbing up the corporate ladder is gonna be UNBEARABLE, but at least you two are happy.

Look who else is making up, man, what a day of love!

-Oh mommy, after my one-sided mortal enemy Alcibiades’ death I’ve been thinking, I’m so sorry I beat you up, you know how sometimes I have a little bit of a rage problem! -Aw it’s ok, sweetheart, I forgive you!

*1 minute later*

-FUCK YOU MOM, DON’T TELL ME HOW TO RUN MY LIFE

Uh, Valentina, now might not be the best time to argue with your mother..

-MOMMY NOOOOOOOOOOOOO -It’s alright, Valie, I will always be with you in spirit, but thankfully not in the flesh because I could tell you were gonna saddle me with the babysitting, so this is perfect timing!

ABBEY MY BELOVED CHONK. You were such a chadette, I’ll never forget how you attacked the wolf and crushed Jojo’s stupid werewolf dreams, absolutely hilarious. RIP queen💔

I barely have time to process Abbey’s loss when I am struck by a different tragedy: having to throw a Union birthday party. Mercifully no one except Wulf showed up, Daniel and Gunther decided they’ve suffered enough.

Alright Sugar, blow out those candles and let’s see the extent of that Don Oates genetic catastrophe.

-Don’t I get to make a wish first??

The only wish you should be making with those grades is wishing to graduate elementary school.

OK. That’s not so bad right??? I can definitely see some Cyn in there!

But the nose is ALL Don, thanks so much bro! 

It’s time to roll for an aspiration and truly, I can’t even react anymore:

IS MY DIGITAL DIE FUCKING STUCK ON 6?!?! Like seriously is this gonna happen every goddamn generation??? Don’t even get me started on his incelitude-ensuring chemistry panel, any sims out there that are ripped but don’t work out, I have your soulmate right here. Literally we’re never gonna find anyone who has more than 1 bolt with this freak.

Let’s move on to Sophito who all my hopes are riding on. Don’t let me down, my little genius, roll knowledge and pursue your destiny!

-There comes a time in every person’s life where they stop and think.. ‘Am I living my life for others..’

-’or for myself’??

WELL CLEARLY IT’S THE LATTER IN YOUR CASE. So not only does Sophito pick my least favorite aspiration, but he decides to out-ridiculous Sugar in the chemistry department: Are you a chess grandmaster who lives in their parent’s basement? Then Sophito is here for you, but don’t even THINK of coming near him if you have ANY charisma. Good lord, his perfect spouse is literally Chester Gieke. 

Predictably he grew up cute, but truly it’s such a small comfort. Now we wait for the LTWs to show up..

Look at Shajar interacting with her kid, you’re a real family woman today aren’t you?

Wulf, did you only attend this party to harass our pets?

-Of course not, I care deeply about Sophio and Sagar! 

Yea I’m starting to ‘care deeply’ as well after seeing those aspirations, ok the LTWs are in:

HAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

SUGAR EVEN FOR YOU THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I can’t even really make fun of it, the simple IDEA of you in the army kills me, and I’m sure it will kill you too via friendly fire. We move on to Sophito, let’s see what horrors await us there..  

GOOD LORD WHY. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. 

-I told you, I’m gonna live life for myself from now on!

Yea, for yourself and 50 other people apparently! You know, you didn’t even have to go through all this trouble, you could have just stabbed me in the heart instead.

-Boy do I look MAGNIFICENT OR WHAT. Those cheekbones!!! 

God help me. So this is a hairstyle I associate with Jean Ralphio from Parks and Rec, and thus I was saving it for like a true HIMBO, I just never in a million years thought the ‘true himbo’ would be my ‘little genius’. 

-Don’t listen to her, son, being a genius fuckboi is the best of both worlds! Now lets shittalk your mother. 

Birthdays all around as Valentina’s puppies grow up! This is Servilia..

..Maximus..

..and Calpurnia! Max and Calp look HILARIOUS and normally I’d make one of them the dog heir so we could have fun genetic experiments, but I’m very emo about Abbey dying so we’re keeping Abbey-clone Servillia. Her siblings will go off to have a (clearly much better) life with Wulf and Angel.

Back to human bs, I can’t express to you guys how much trouble I’m having adjusting to New Sophito, aka Nuphito. Like the above is what he does literally ALL DAY LONG.

Oh, sorry, he also spends 8 hours a day in the hot tub. Remember when you used to autonomously play chess all day??

-Isn’t my logic skill already maxed?

Yes but-

-Am I not the most functional person in this house?

Sure-

-Then wouldn’t your time be better spent preventing some massive disaster instead of worrying about my hot tub time?

I don’t like you, I don’t like you at all, Nuphito!!!

Sandy gets demoted, gets home, and starts immediately fighting Sophie (whose face has once again glitched in that creepy perma-smile).

-I̴ WIS̶H A̸N E̷T̴E̵R̷N̴A̴L, ̵I̶NE̴S̵C̶EP̵AB̶LE W̶I̶N̵T̶E̴R O̷N̴ YO̵U🧟 -You talking to me, wormy? Have you lost your rotting brain?

Then Cyneswith shows up from the other side to admire Sophie, trapping her in a positive interaction/negative interaction loop:

-Congratulations on your amazing career progress, Sophie, you’re so smart, huhu!💗 -Aw, thanks-

-A̷R̶E Y̵O̴U SM̸A̵R̸T E̴N̴O̶UG̸H T̸O GIV̵E Y̸O̶U̷R̸S̴E̷L̵F A̶ N̷OS̶EJ̶O̵B̵, H̷A̷HA🧟 -WHAT THE FUCK YOU BROKE MY NOSE YOU BLOATED CARCASS, I WILL KILL-  

-Before you kill her, Soph, let’s do our school cheer! Voooooo gerbits, huhu!🌸 -Oh, fun!

-What a crazy day, my head is still spinning.. Literally, it’s still glitched. Thankfully nothing that sleeping next to my father in law won’t fix.. 

Yea you do you, Soph!

Guess who became best friends with her only child after 15 years? Mom of the year, Shajar Union!

In case you were wondering, this creepy shit is still going on, I swear I’m already seeing adult Sophito’s Sandy-filled want panel, and by ‘seeing it’ I mean in my nightmares.

Speaking of nightmares, I figured Sugar is gonna need all the help he can get so I got him a teen job in the army, and this is the ensemble he’s gonna present himself in. Man, you really have a rough life ahead of you. And now, for the horrible part..

WYATT NO💔💔💔💔💔 Goddamn Sophie, she’s like one of those hospital cats that go sleep next to patients who are about to die. 

-WYAT UNION, NEE MONIF, YOUR TIME- can you move a bit so I can pass? -Oui! -Thanks bro. WYATT UNION, YOUR TIME HAS COME -Quel?? Whò est toi?? -I AM DEATH

-Dethe?? Je ne ûndérstàndòix. -Oh man. Hula zombs, any of you speak French? -Tell him he is ‘mort’. -YOU ARE MORT 

-Hiiii everyone, have a blessed day!

FFS BUTLER #4, MAYBE OPEN YOUR EYES AS YOU ENTER A ROOM

-Oòòòòh, mòrt! -YES. HEAVEN- I MEAN, LE PARADIS, AWAITS YOU -Tres bien, huhu! Au revoir évéryoné, je t'aime Jòjò, non be sadoix! 

When I tell you guys I teared up for real. What to even say about my French-Arabian prince; he came into this legacy a randomly generated dormie with great hair and a Jojo obsession, and leaves with great hair, a Jojo obsession, and my heart. He was such a delightful presence and gave us so many great moments when he wasn’t asleep. RIP mon bebe❤️

Our Wyatt was always a giving soul and left money to absolutely everyone..

..like I’m looking around the house and EVEN iVAN has the inheritance memory..

..BUT DON DOES NOT LMAO. I CAN’T. Thanks for that final laugh, Wyatt❤️

[cassolotl]

Good Omen 2, my first impressions

~* THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS *~

The Coffee Shop Lady is clearly the Crowley and the Record Shop Lady is clearly the Aziraphale, and I love them both, and I want them to be in season 3.

Also, Coffee Shop/Record Shop is such a fanfic-sounding situation, very bold of you to put the AU in the thing itself, I appreciate you taking that risk for us Mr Gaiman, thank you.

I don't know what I'm more boggled by, Metatron suggesting that Muriel, a being who only just discovered books literally that very day, be in charge of a hundreds-of-years-old bookshop whose contents are literally priceless, or that Aziraphale agreed to it????????

And finally, That Kiss. I've managed to avoid screenshots and gifs and whatnot by blocking the #GoodOmens hashtag for like three months, but I still managed to find out that they were gonna kiss from a real human whomst I know in person, because life just comes at you sideways like that sometimes, but that was the only thing I knew, really. Anyway I've got two thoughts:

I agree that Amazon shouldn't have put it in a trailer, but I can see why they did - if it was a straight couple in a full on romance show that everyone knew would get together eventually, it would be totally unremarkable. Whoever put that trailer together, they were being pretty right-on and queer-friendly on the surface of things, but they were also maybe missing some nuance there.

I've seen a lot of takes analysing the kiss and the motives and whatnot, but I think at the end of the day Neil G probably just wanted to give us the shove-against-a-wall kiss that would've happened in the convent hallway, you know the one. What with the Coffee Shop/Record Shop AU and Ineffable Bureaucracy, I feel pretty okay to hazard a guess in the fanservice-flavoured direction. And Crowley and Aziraphale are a bunch of doofuses, their first kiss was always going to be Crowley initiating and absolutely furious about it.

I'm kinda sad in a way, because us asexual aromantic queers have lost our representation a little bit. But also yeah they should just be kissing each other together if they want to, isn't it?

Anyway thanks for your time, carry on~

[hancydrewfan]

Reasons I Love SequinSmile-x, For Her Birthday

I occasionally can write a lil fic, but only when inspiration hits at exactly the right moment. So I have no gift fic for my bestie @sequinsmile-x. Instead, I offer a list of reasons I love her with my whole heart including several of my favourite fics of hers. (below the cut, because I got a lil carried away in her honour)

When Tomorrow Begins, the tragic and beautiful EPIC SAGA of one incredible AU with impeccable flashbacks. Vic had just posted chapter eight of the sequel, If Tomorrow Starts Without Me, when I discovered this series I think two years ago. It remains a favourite that I am always thinking about all the time, especially since its gutwrenching, tearjerking, perfect conclusion last year, and I have reread it at least twice.

Martha, the most perfect beautiful angel of a cat. I do not have a cat, but I have a collection of my friends’ cats that I consider my babies and I will one day meet Martha in person and officially give her all the pets she absolutely deserves.

Tequila Confessions, which I guess I accidentally gave some ideas for and then she kindly gifted it to me (the first of many, including two of three follow-ups to TC!). This fic never fails to make me laugh and cry from laughing and I cherish it for starting a long tradition of me being a doofus and Vic running with my doofusness to create magic. (Again, I apologize for Invasion. I was runnin’ my mouth, that’s on me.)

A shared love of Tim Hortons, despite us being located in different continents. I have had many text conversations with her while walking home from therapy with an iced cap or a french vanilla in my hands and Midnights playing in my ears. A truly comforting friend even though there are many thousands of miles between us. Also because she’s British she uses the beautiful U in favourite and colour and honour and it makes me SO HAPPY. (this entry is about Canada-UK relations lol)

Love You In The Dark, another iNcReDiBLe AU fic where our intrepid heroes find each other in 1963. I know she worked so hard to get the setting right, and it can be a challenge to nail the voice and actions of characters in an era so unlike their own, but she friggin’ nailed it with this one. And it was also completely terrorizing when chapters ended on horrific cliffhangers you absolute freak. Also the way she incorporates canon details in AU fics makes me weep every time!! AND when she makes little easter egg connections to her previous fics, omg. I love puzzles and consider myself to be the human embodiment of Nancy Drew, so these kind of connections and secrets thrill me to no end.

HAVE YOU SEEN HOW CREATIVE THIS GAL IS??????? Friggin. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve screamed at her for sending a header she’s designed for an upcoming fic. And the fake insta posts???? Like wtf. The way she captures their voices in FAKE SOCIAL MEDIA. Stop being so good at everything (please don’t stop you are my lifeblood).

The Way Home, which actually I can’t even speak about because I’m still upset about the last chapter, you evil little pillbug.

She is so fun and so funny and so kind and so giving to this little fandom! We have a rich collection of hotchniss reads thanks to an incredible amount of talented writers, but sorry this post is about Vic and she posts new chapters and one shots multiple times a week, totalling well over a million words on ao3, despite having like a job and friends and a life outside of the internet. I am in awe, always.

okay sorry i’ll stop embarrassing you. love you vic and happy birthday!!!!!!

[russilton]

Mark, can I ask you. Can I ask you for your favourite George&Lewis moments at this point in time. Can I. Please.

Oh fuck making a man chose? That’s cruel!

But yes anon you can ask and this is exactly what I like being asked.

This was legitimately hard to do, because my George and Lewis best of Album has 70 photos in it, and that’s not been updated since Hungary. So I’ve split them into a couple catagories

THE BEST IN SPONSORED SHIRTS:

One in dual white, one in contrast, one in dual black. Every image has contrasting pants. I love these photos when I’m down, just looking at them being silly together in an utterly normal time. They’re not in the car, they’re not doing something specific necessarily, they’re just hanging about at work, being fond of each other when they could be doing other things.

THE BEST IN NORMAL CLOTHES

One cannot think about best of britcedes without mentioning these two sports doofuses hanging out off the track. George likes to be in the gym when he’s off the track, Lewis likes to surf. I like seeing them choosing each other for company and being so clearly happy about it. Plus: more contrast clothing.

THE BEST IN OTHER

Oh Hungarian drivers parade, my sweet royals acting so utterly relaxed next to each other when they normally aren’t in public, Lewis bopping along to his music, George trading between waving like a prince and grinning at Lewis like a loon. Then there’s the neck touching incident. I don’t have to explain myself it’s, ITS SO INTIMATE. And finally french podium George and Lewis, sensationally gorgeous, skin glowing in the sun George and Lewis. George’s utter delight as Lewis showers him in champagne, their unfettered affection and focus on each other. Max is right there, both of them couldn’t care less.

An honourary mention to ALL of their in helmet hugs, bahrain, France, Hungary, I would have included them here but the allure of Lewis’ loving gaze and George’s sweet happy eyes was too strong. I also didn’t have a nice joint photo of the mr freeze incident but fucking hell, that.

While it is not as specifically good as some of the other professional photos, I think this Silverstone shot has to be my favourite of all time, for a couple reasons.

One: their goofy giggling with each other in front of their entire garage, George fully leaning into the engineering island toward Lewis.

Two: their extra British-ness because they’re at home

Three: the fact it’s composed like a wedding that Toto is officiating

And finally, and let’s be honest, the main reason: I WAS FUCKING THERE! I was sat, in the rain, crouched under an umbrella on the wellington straight, flicking through my camera, and they were being gay on LIVE TV less than 5 minutes away. Deep inside, part of me believes I caused this.

The best proof I can give you? Here’s a photo of Lewis from that session I don’t think I’ve posted yet.

[aboutmehmmmm]

Dare or Dare

POV: You are playing Dare or Dare with your three friends and the members of SVT in the Bahamas

Characters: Vernon; YN; YFN (1); YFN (2); YFN (3); the rest of the members of SVT

Genre: fluff, angst, fun games

Warning: idk some teasing

———————————————————————

Introduction

“Let’s play truth or dare but no truth,” Hoshi says suddenly.

You and your three friends are hanging out with Seventeen in the Bahamas and just ate dinner. You are all sitting around the living room together and after a lull in the conversation, you hear Hoshi yell suddenly.

“OH yeah!” YFN (3) says. “We have a game we play like that!”

“Really?” Seungkwan asks. “How do you play?”

“Oh, it’s really easy,” YFN (3) says.

“Basically we all have to write 3 dares and put them in the bowl in the middle of the room. Then we pass around cards. Sixteen of the seventeen cards we pass around will have a checkmark but there will be one out there with an X. Whoever gets the X has to pull a paper out of the bowl in the middle of the room.” YFN (3) explains as YFN (1) gets paper and pens ready to be passed around.

“You know what would make this game more fun?” YFN (1) says, “If we did it around the bonfire outside.”

“Oh yeah! I’ll come help” Seungcheol says quickly getting to his feet to help her.

You smirk and shake your head looking at the two of them.

“Doofuses” you mutter under your breath.

“What was that?” you hear a voice next to you ask.

“Ah” you shout as you lightly smack Vernon's arm. “You scared me”

He chuckles as he sits next to you.

“You making fun of how quickly Coups got up to help her?” he asks.

“Heh yeah. They are total simps for each other and it’s funny they can’t see it,” you answer.

“Oh I don’t know, I think they can probably see they like each other don’t you?” Vernon asks.

“I don’t know,” you say, “I can’t speak for Seungcheol, but YFN (1) is pretty oblivious sometimes.”

“Ah, I see,” Vernon says.

“Will you two love birds pay attention and write down your dares?” Seungkwan says toward you and Vernon.

You stare at Seungkwan for a second but then quickly look down at your cards and try to think of funny dares to write. You sneak a glance at Vernon quickly and see that his ears are bright pink.

Interesting.

“Fire is ready whenever you all are,” Seungcehol says coming back into the house after a few minutes of writing.

The whole place is in chaos at this point. Hoshi is running around screaming that he has to find the perfect dare or the whole game will fail while Woozi is telling him it’ll be fine. YFN (3) and Mingyu are grabbing s’mores stuff to take outside. Minghao and YFN (2) aren’t even paying attention to anything but their dares and each other. Meanwhile, Jeonghan looks like he just wrote down the most diabolical thing in existence.

You just sit there taking it all in.

“Come on,” Vernon says to you quietly after a few minutes of sitting there together. “Ready to go outside?”

“Yar,” you say.

As you get outside you notice that of course, the only two seats remaining are two seats right next to each other.

You take one of the seats next to Wonwoo and Vernon sits in the remaining seat next to you.

And so the game commences.

[butchbarneygumble]

I love all simpsons characters a lot, but i just draw the same three doofuses all the time huh

[tipsfromabird]

Life update!

For various reasons, I'm having to get rid of a bunch of birds. Michael and Lucy, of course, are my kids and cannot be rehomed; the other parrots were theoretically always meant to be temporary rescues or to be rehomed at some point but I never got around to it; and the quails are easily satisfied so long as they're placed in a non-adversarial situation.

So currently the situation stands thus:

Indian ringneck parrots

Michael (m, double violet blue dom pied, 4yo) and Lucy (f, deep violet blue, 5yo): to stay with me

Joseph (violet turqblue cleartail, 6yo, Lucy's mate for three years and a good dad but hates humans): to go but, now we're into breeding season, not for a couple of months. (Technically he could go once the kids are about four weeks old since Lucy accepts me as a second mate and she and I can raise babes together, but let's minimise trauma and disruption as much as possible...!)

Jerrie (m, deep blue split CT, 2yo, no ring yet but should get it in his January moult given what his current behaviour says about his hormone levels): son of Lucy and Jo. Interested in humans and can relate and is not nippy, but likes birbs better. Not a house pet.

Teazer (f, deep blue split CT, 2yo, currently has a short tail because I had to cut it off when she stuck it in some paint but that will fix itself in a couple of months): daughter of Lucy and Jo, wants to make babies this year please and thank but i will not let her, hates humans and wants to take a chunk out of me and is not very scared of humans so she absolutely has to be an aviary bird.

Bucky (m, 3yo, double violet blue split CT): a good smol boy who is doing his best! has his ring as of last moult and only recently came into his own socially, is being very good about guarding the rear aviary with LOUD NOISES if necessary but is also gentle and discreet in talking to humans, will nibble fingers softly but isn't really too interested in forming a relationship. Currently in the process of pairing up with Teazer for this season.

Tuppence (m, 1yo, violet turqblue split ct) and Ha'penny (m, 1yo, turqblue split ct): Lucy and Jo's kids from last year, doofuses, still make baby yells for food if they think I'm listening, nippy but in a 'will this make the human love me more?' way. Half tame, may or may not settle down in six months: some birds decide to chill and become friendly at that age and some decide to hate all humans no matter what you do, so who knows. Atm they're definitely aviary birds, not pets.

OTHER RANDOM BOY:

Poirot! 3yo m moustache parrot! Best sweetest worried little chatty horny boy. Widowed by the fact that I had to get his husband put down, is now trying to attach himself to me, is not hand-raised but has decided humans are worth adopting so will happily step up onto finger and make friendly noises at human but isn't quite sure how to proceed from there. Will love human but will probably end up loving human TOO MUCH so really should have a birb friend to attach himself to.

So that's where we're at right now! Will keep you all updated with the birb situation - or, if you're anywhere in reach from Melbourne or the rural communities to her east and think you would suit any of these parrots, DM me!