#I love when dynamics are so complicated ughh

[softkostyk]

no because the thing about rupert is that he has been making terrible choices for years. he’s lost his passion, he’s lost his family, he fills his life with səx to get by, to feel something good. and then taggie shows up and she’s just so kind and sweet and beautiful and the realest thing rupert’s ever laid his eyes on. angel, he calls her, because that’s what she is to him. so of course he wants her. but that’s not all, because for the first time in forever, rupert has a reason, a push to want to be better. have you noticed how every time taggie is upset about something that happened or something he did, he immediately does everything he can to make up for it? It’s because before her, he didn’t care—or didn’t want to care—about hurting people or doing the wrong thing. but taggie makes him want to be good. for her. for himself. he is fully aware of his feelings for this young woman he cannot keep his eyes off, and when he seeks out cameron again it’s purely because he thinks he can never have taggie…but try as he might, he’s not able to move on. and taggie??? her mother considers her an idiot, her father considers her a little girl, she’s trying to find out what her place is, where she fits in, and rupert is the only person in her life that is completely encouraging and who believes in her potential (see how he compliments both her cooking and says she’s good with the campaign). he’s the only person who sees she’s twisting herself every which way to make everyone happy, and he’s the first to tell her she doesn’t have to be perfect all the time. and she’s fascinated, obviously, but it’s more than that. It’s rupert being silly to make her laugh, it’s her face falling when she realizes he has yet again been with another woman, it’s her anger when she finds out declan told rupert not to touch her. but they gravitate towards each other, because they’ve come into each other lives at exactly the right time. gosh season 2 cannot come fast enough

[luciferlightbringer]

Love in a Hopeless Place

Chapter 8

Buckle up, kids

Chapter 7|Chapter 8|Chapter 9|Updated through Chapter 12

Lucifer x prostitute fem!reader Word Count: 4.9k CW: Slowburn, Angst,Prostitution, Hurt/comfort, trauma, fluff, cuddles, depression, anxiety, Sexual fantasizing, insecurity, alcohol/intoxication

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned into a couple of months as your relationship with each other and with the hotel crew continued to grow. It was nice not to have to worry about the "end of the world" clouding the dynamic, but both of you felt a little differently about the current progression of things.

Lucifer loved getting to give more energy to caring about you and Charlie, creating and feeling like he was himself again. The dynamic he had with you ended in more nights of chilling, doing not much of anything other than being with each other. He had attempted slipping in some more cute pet-names into the conversation with you, just to see how you would react, and you seemed fine with it, like everything he did. He kept ending up in the same spot when it came to figuring out how to tell you about his true feelings. His fear of being turned down was intense, but he was more worried about doing something to lose you completely. He logically knew that was silly, but he was so scared to return to the sad disconnected person he was before he met you.

You, on the other hand, were a little scared because of the simplicity and calmness of your time now together. You hade never experienced this in your living life, or hell, so it made you really uncomfortable. He had started calling you things like "Apple" and "Duckie" which you liked, but he was more focused on you and your needs, there was less for you to do. Was he trying to model more of what he needed from you? But then, when you tried to care give for him, he would tell you to just let him care for you. Was he getting bored of you? Were your days together numbered? Would he soon be ok enough to not need you anymore?

Ughh... and why did you care so much? You had numerous other clients drop off during your time with Lucifer, and you had not given them a second thought. Why was this so different? Had you become too attached? Well you definitely had... but why? What was it about Lucifer that had you clawing to make sure he still needed you around? Was it the connection to the hotel? That had definitely made it stronger, but you knew this feeling had lasted before you started visiting the hotel.

The hotel issues was another matter, Charlie had been trying you get you to move in for weeks, and you kept telling her that you needed more time to prepare. You hated lying to her, but you were worried about how that might complicate the relationship with Lucifer, and of course you could not tell her about the dynamic. You would hate for something to happen between you two and then have Charlie caught in the middle, or feeling like it was you or him. She had that enough between Lucifer and Lilith, she did not want to do that to you again. You wanted Charlie to remain fully on Lucifer's side no matter what happened.

You wished you could talk to someone, anyone, about what was going on, but you couldn't, and that drove you mad.

______________________________________________________________

One particular day, it was time for Lucifer to go off to another Sins meeting. Lucifer went off with to his meeting, blitzed through it with a lot more honest vigor and energy than the last meeting, was able to deal with Mammon's complaining, and got it all wrapped up in no time at all.

At the end, Asmodeus waited for the room to clear out before trying to chat with Lucifer again.

"Well, now, someone is in much better spirits from last time~" Asmodeus said wiggling his eyebrows and chuckling.

Lucifer waved his hand, "Oh, ppsssh, golly, is it that noticable? Well, you know, I just got some good advice from a friend, got my confidence and my daughter back, and I'm the happiest I've been in decades. It's not a big deal."

Asmodeus shimmied his shoulders with joy, "Ahh! I am just so happy for you. It's like I always say, there is nothing more healing than some good, earthshattering, dirty, mindless sex."

Lucifer froze, "Ya... a- about that... umm... there... uhh... there hasn't been any sex."

Ozzie paused and cocked an eyebrow at you, "Say what now?"

Lucifer ran some figures through his hair, "Well... t-there almost was! But... then I had a liiiiittle panic attack, she helped me through it and was so amazing about it, I cried myself to sleep in her arms, it helped me sleep and feel better, and then I've basically been falling asleep in her arms every night since..." He ended with a nervous smile.

Asmodeus blinked, and put his hands on his hips, "You fell in love with her, didn't you?"

Lucifer's eyes went wide, "Whaaaaa... no... pffft. You're silly Ozzie, me falling in love with a prostitute? That's... that's" Lucifer looked at Ozzie, holding his stance, cocking an eyebrow. Lucifer deflated, "That's... exactly what happened..."

Asmodeus chuckled looked around before looking back at him, "You wanna know a secret?" Lucifer looked up at Ozzie, Ozzie smiled and leaned in, "You aren't the only one who has fallen for a fling."

Lucifer stared at Ozzie, had the Sin of LUST fallen in LOVE. "Whaa.."

Ozzie help up a hand, "But. no questions right now, we are focused on you. So... you dating her now?"

Lucifer rubbed his neck, "Not exactly... we are together all of the time, but I haven't been able to figure out how to tell her. I'm scared that I'm just another client to her... and that the minute I'm open about this, the fantasy that I have been living in will disappear around me."

Ozzie shrugged, "Well... it might," Lucifer deflated, "butttt... it might also be an open door into the happily ever after that is the rest of your life! You can't let that fear get in the way. Look at what your daughter managed to do with her hotel, look at what you did with reconnecting with her! The risk was all there too, and look how those turned out!"

Lucifer thought, Ozzie was right, he just needed to figure out how to tell you. "Ok... any thoughts on how I should tell her, oh master of Love?"

Ozzie laughed and put a hand on Lucifer's shoulder, "Don't overcomplicate it, just treat it like any other night, adding crazy stuff might make her nervous. Be yourself, be open and honest. If all goes well, she feels the same way and your first real date together can be where you pull out all of your creative, romantic magic."

Lucifer nodded, "Ok... ugh... I'm just still so nervous."

Ozzie shrugged, "Nothing wrong with a glass of wine or two to calm the nerves. You can do this Luc, nothing the King of Hell can't handle." Ozzie started to walk out the door, then stopped, "Go get that girl man."

Lucifer gave a confident nod and teleported himself home. He looked at the clock, he only had.... several hours until you would be over. Ugh, this was going to be a long afternoon. He looked over at his bar, just one glass couldn't hurt? He would be good long before he had to go get you.

Well... Lucifer underestimated how nervous he was, one glass became two, two became four, and by the time it was time for him to go pick up up, he was having a hard time even standing up without swaying. Lucifer looked down at his left hand, and remembered he still had it on. He quickly took it off and put it next to his bathroom sink, touched up his hair, pointing finger guns at himself in the mirror and get set up to go get you. It took him a couple of minutes to get the portal activated and popped in your room, a few minutes later than usual.

You had started to get a little nervous, he had never been late before, but it was ok, he was allowed to be late. That is when he stumbled through the portal and into your room, almost knocking into you.

"Oh! There you are! You are always so prompt, I got a little worried haha," you laughed, straightening him out.

He looked up you, and then he melted into a lovesick smile, "Haha, golly, I'm s-sorry Duckie, the portal was being dumb, haha." He slurred, "I'mmm here now, haha. You ready to go?"

You cocked your head to the side and smiled, "Haha ya, you ok, Luci?"

"Of course my darling!" he said, wrapping an arm around your waist, before tapping his cane on the floor a couple of times, grumbling, before popping back to the manor. Lucifer looked over his cane in one hand, the other arm still remaining around your waist mumbling something about his stupid cane before looking at you, his face melting into happiness again.

"I'll fix it laterrr, hi theree, how are you? You look great todayy," he said hugging you and snuggling into you. You hesitantly hugged him back, you weren't convinced that something happened that day, he was being... more affectionate but... in a weird way. Was... was he drunk?

"Uh... ya I'm good. Busy day of clients, nothing crazy. What about you? Are you sure you are ok? You seem... different today," you said carefully.

Lucifer had no idea how he was coming off, he didn't realize how drunk he was, he had forgotten about the last two drinks in all of his anxious spiraling. "Oh ya, today was great! Sins meeting, paperwork, all went by preeeeetty quickly. Oh hells! Guess what? I was talking to Asmodeus, sin of Lust, right? Dude got a boyfriend! Crazy right? Well... not that he is dating his hook-up, but that the Sin of Lust found love! Oh shit... I wasn't s'pposed to say that. Don't tell anyone, k?"

You nodded, smiling, "Oh ya, that is funny. Not everyday that mindless sex turns into something meaningful, right? Especially in Hell with a Sin like that? But of course, I didn't hear anything" You nodded.

'Oh fuck! That's not what I meant, ughhh that's not what I wanted her to get from that.' he thought.

"I mean! I love the Sins, they always surprise me with ways will people that you never thought they would," he said with a nervous smile.

You played a long with a nervous smile, you didn't know why he was being so nervous and not just telling you want was wrong. But if it was that bad, he would probably burst at some point and then you could be there to support him again. You hated when something was stressing him out, but it made you feel good to feel needed. So you would play along for the night and wait.

"Ya! I totally gotcha! Just like the sinners at Charlie's hotel, even the Sins are able to grow and change," you said with a sweet smile.

Lucifer smiled his love drunk smile, 'Good, fixed it, that was close. She is so beautiful and smart, I love how she words things sometimes.'

Other than Lucifer's apparent intoxication, and him sometimes sneaking off to grab another drink to keep up the buzz, your night was no different than it normally was with Lucifer only... more affectionate? You were really confused, because everything about his behavior was staying something was wrong or that he was hiding something, but other than that he was being very sweet, a little more touchy than usual, which you were fine with, he was allowed to touch you however he wanted of course.

Oh! Maybe that was it! Maybe he was wanting to try being more sexually intimate again and he was just so nervous because of the last time! You wanted to be careful because he was drunk, and you still felt that consent was important, but leaning deeper into his pets and soft touches was not an issue as you snuggled watching tv. At one point, you even placed a hand on his thigh, and he melted into your touch.

As true at that was, for Lucifer overall, that was not his goal for the night. There were so many moments when he thought about just saying that he wanted to talk about his feelings, telling you how much he loved you and wanted you to be part of his life, outside of hiring you, and he wanted to know how you felt. But the stupid words just would not come, and all he could do was compliment you and touch you, playing with your hair and stroking your soft skin. He felt you start to lean more into his touch, and even putting your hand on his leg, ugh, he was going to die.

Eventually, Lucifer had wasted enough time and it was finally time to go to bed. As you two were getting ready for bed, he kept repeating in his head 'JUST FUCKING SAY SOMETHING, ANYTHING! YOU NEED TO TELL HER OR ELSE YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE YOUR FUCKING MIND!'

You had gone into his bathroom to wash your face, and you noticed the ring sitting on the side of the sink. Huh, weird, had Lucifer not been wearing his ring all day? Or did he just usually take it off at night and you only just now noticed? You shrugged, and walked to the bed to get ready for bedtime. You got under the covers and waiting for Lucifer, who was still sitting on the side of the bed staring out.

You were about to reach over to touch his arm and ask if everything was alright, but at that moment, Lucifer snapped. He looked at you, eyes full of desire, and jumped on top of you, pinning you to the bed under him. He just stared down at you, breathing heavily. This both excited and frightened you a little, this wasn't like him.

"Lucifer, what is goin-" you started.

"I love you!" he finally spat out. "I love you and I want you!"

You eyes went wide as you stared up at him.

WHAT.

No, you must have misheard. He... loves you? But you were a nothing? A nobody? Sure you had helped him but... wait, was this a roleplay? Or was this real? Did he actually mean "love" like lust, or like Capital L Love? You ran through every single element of your relationship with Lucifer that both supported and refuted his statement in mere seconds, fact and opinion, memories that you couldn't remember if you were now twisting to validate something more romantic of him than it actually was. Things hotel people had said, the way he had cared for or protected you. Was that actually because he loved you, or did he just want to protect his financial investment? Was this a sick joke?

Lucifer loomed above you, waiting for you response, looking like a tiger ready to pounce on his prey. God he looked so hot, you wanted him to just sink himself into you. No! Stop. You couldn't think quick enough. What should you do? Do you play into it and risk being wrong about what he means here, or do you reject him and wait until he is sober to talk through this with him? If this was a normal person, you would take the risk, but with him... You think about the man now suffering in an eternal loop of torture, you think about the ring on the sink that tied him still to Lilith, you think about how small and insignificant you were in comparison to this beautiful angelic being above you.

No. As much at it hurt, you could not risk reading this situation wrong.

Lucifer had started to lean down to try to kiss you, when you shouted, "No!" and pushed him off of you. In Lucifer's intoxicated state, he was slow to respond, so you were able to easily able to put him off of you before jumping out of bed, tears already streaming down your face.

'No?' he thought, 'What did she mean "no"'?' he thought. Lucifer sat up and looked at you staring at him, heavily breathing and crying. What had he done?

"I... I'm sorry... I don't... I have to think... I don't... I don't want to be wrong, or hurt you, I don't know what to do, what is the right thing t-to do," you choked through tears.

Lucifer started to reach out to you, "Wait... Duckie..."

"No... Lucifer," you started grabbing your stuff to go, "I'm sorry, I need to think about this... I can't do this while you are so drunk... I'll see you later, ok?" You ran out of Lucifer's room, down the long hallway, and out of the manor. You weren't going to even try the driver, you didn't want Lucifer to have the chance to stop you. You would run all the way back home.

"Duckie... (y/n)..." he said before sinking into his bed.

What had he just done?

_____________________________________________________________

You would run for a long time, crying all the way, not caring who saw you, until you got all the way home. You busted into the Lounge, trying to run through up to your room. But guess who stopped you in your path? Cynthhhhia.

"What's the matter crybaby? That big money daddy of yoursssss not give you a big enough tip tonight so you ran home crying?" she snarled at you, grabbing your arm.

"Fuck off Cynthhhhia, just leave me alone!" you said trying to pull you arm out of her grasp, and in retaliation Cynthhhhia instead wrapped her tail around your leg and then let your arm go, making you fall on your face. The patrons and girls in the rooms gasped, this was humiliating.

"How about you make me, bitch! Ya know, I'm sssssso ssssssick of you being Larry'sssss favorite and getting all the good clientssss, while I get jack shit! It's time you learned a lessssson, you ungrateful little bi-"

"Cynthhhhia! That is enough out of you!' Larry screamed. The room parted between him and you both. "Drop her now, and get over here. Gemma, go check on (y/n), will ya?"

Cynthhhhia huffs and lets you go aggressively, and makes her way over to Larry as one of your Lounge friends, Gemma, came over and checked on you. You told her that you just wanted to go to your room, Gemma helped pick you up and half-carried you up to you room while Larry chewed out Cynthhhhia.

"What in the nine circles is wrong with you?! I have had to talk to you about your behavior with customers so fucking many times, now assaulting another girl?! I wanna hear what makes you think this behavior is ok? I don't care if we are in hell, I am not having any fucking cat-fights in here, and you know that!" Larry scolded Cynthhhhia.

"Wha- I... Ugh! Why does she get all the good clientssss! You are clearly playing favoritessss or she is tipping you off or something. I am not getting paid nearly what I was sssssince she showed up. Why am I not getting any high rollersssss?!" Cynthhhhia snarled.

"Well maybe if you put as much energy into your clients as you do going after girls like her, maybe you would have people who wanted to utilize your services. You do not seem to understand the fact that I am not giving you to high rollers because you are turning customers away with your behavior, or they are asking not to work with you anymore!" Larry yelled.

Cynthhhhia gasped, and looked around the room to see other girls and patrons laughing at her, "That's not true!"

"Like it or not, Cynthhh, that is the reality. And since you still don't seem to be getting it, I'm going to give you one more chance to redeem yourself, and if you fuck it up, you are out do you hear me?" Larry said pointedly.

Cynthhhhia tipped her head down in defeat, "Fine, what is it?"

Larry moved to meet her gaze, "Three days, on the phones scheduling appointments for the other girls, no tips."

"But-" Cynthhhhia started.

"It's the phones or you're out, got a problem with that?" Larry glared.

Cynthhhhia pouted, "No sssssir..."

"Good, now, off the floor with you, you are done for the night, I will see you down here at 10 am sharp," Larry then turned and headed to go up the stairs to the apartments.

You had made it upstairs with Gemma, she had asked if you wanted her to stay, but you said no. You just wanted to be alone. Several minutes later, you would be a knock on the door and a "Babydoll? It's Larry."

You sniffled and sat up, "Come in."

Larry opened the door and sighed, "God she is a right bitch, I don't know why I keep her around at this point. Now, what happened?" he closed the door behind him, "I'm not used to you having any issues with Lance."

"It... I don't even know how to explain. He was kinda drunk, he wasn't acting like himself, he didn't hurt me, but he told me something and... because he was intoxicated... I didn't know how to react. He's... got a fair amount of influence... I worried what would happen if I misunderstood the situation. So I panicked, I ran. I'm sorry if he called to complain or anything." You said looking down, covering your face with your hands.

Larry thought for a minute, "Rough situation, intoxicated clients can make things hard. Most wouldn't care, but you have been working with him for a while, it made sense that you would want to stay in good standing with him and not want to fuck that up. Are you worried about future actions? Do you need me to put him on you "No Kiss List"?"

"No, no. Nothing like that..." you sigh and run your fingers through your hair, "I just... I think I just need some time to think... would I possibly be able to take some time off?"

Larry scratched his chin, "Well... I don't know, Babydoll. I could do a day or two, but much past that... I need you, you bring in a lot of money..."

You sighed, "Give me two days and I'll pay for two more of my own days time? That sound fair?"

Larry thought for a moment, "Deal. What do you want me to tell your regulars?"

You sighed, "Just tell them I'm going on a quick rejuvenating vacation, and that their girl will be back for them before they know it." It will worry Lucifer, but you needed the space, you didn't want to say or do anything to fuck up the relationship any more than it already had by you running from him that night.

"Can do." You give Larry the payment for two days on your own time and he leaves your room. "Take care of yourself, babydoll," he says closing the door. You are alone again.

You take your phone out, scroll for a bit before finding a hotel and a ride to the other side of the Pentagram from both the Lounge and Lucifer for the morning, and booked them for as early as possible. You just needed some time away to figure out what to do and to figure out how you were going to respond to Lucifer.

You tried to fall asleep that night, but sleep never came. You spent the rest of the night replaying the situation in your head. Did he really mean it? That he loved you? Did he actually care about you and want you in his life? Or was it all a trick? Why would he say that to you?

The next morning, you packed up, got in your cab and disappeared on your 4 day escape to other side of the Pride RIng, hoping that when you returned, you would have the answers.

______________________________________________________________

That same morning, Lucifer would wake up with a light headache, crumpled in a weird position on his bed. Where were you? Why was he sleeping so weird? The previous night was fuzzy, damn, he had overdone it on the alcohol... Had you just left? That was not like you. What happened?

He got up, put on a robe, and started to walk around the manor, looking for anything that might jog his memory of what happened the night before. Everything looked normal, and all he could remember was the conversation with Ozzie, being a little tipsy getting you, and feeling nervous. The later into the night he thought, the fuzzier everything got. He ended up back in his bedroom for hours racking his brain. He wished he had a way to contact you, to ask you want happened, and you try to figure it out with you.

A while later his cellphone started to ring, he looked at the number and his groggy eyes went wide, it was the Lounge. This was the first time that the Lounge had called him. He picked up the phone and put on his "Lance" voice.

"Uh, hello! This is Lance, what can I do for you?" Lucifer said in a deeper and huskier voice.

"Yes, hello, this Luxurious Lady's Lounge, how are you doing thissss afternoon?" Said Cynthhhhia as pleasantly as she could over the phone. She had done well playing nice on the phone all morning, so now Larry was leaving her to call all of your cancelations for the next 4 days.

"Oh you know, just living the dream!" Lucifer responded. Christ... why did he say that?

"That issss wonderful to hear. We jussssst wanted to let you know that your next appointment for tomorrow evening with (y/n) will be canceled. She will out of town for a little bit," Cynthhhhia said through a fake smile.

Lucifer felt a sense of dread go through his body, 'Out of office? So suddenly?' "Oh! Well thank you for letting me know, I hope she is alright, she is quite a gem, haha."

Cynthhhhia's jaw tightened, "Oh yessss, she just needed to essssscape on a quick rejuvenating vacation." Cynthhhhia looked around to see if Larry was around, he was nowhere, and the office was pretty empty, she smiled, "... Isssss what they want me to tell you, but I don't want to lie to a man like you, Mr. Lanccccce."

Lucifer's heart beat fast in his chest, "Haha, what do you mean?"

"The truth of the matter isssss... you've been put on (y/n)'s "No Kisssss List".... basssssically a ban from being able to work with her," Cynthhhhia said with a wicked smile.

Lucifer froze on the other side of the phone. Banned. She banned you. Months of joy and beauty between you two, severed in an instant. Lucifer felt like he couldn't breathe.

"I'm ssssso ssssorry to break the newssss to you like thissss. She just came back from a.... recent interaction telling usssss she... oh what was it, "Couldn't handle the bullshit anymore" isssss I think how she put it. But we have plenty of other ladiesssss that would be willing to take her sssspot if you'd like," Cynthhhhia continued, looking around for Larry again, still nothing, good.

"That's... disappointing to hear. I thought we had a good connection," Lucifer said flatly into the phone.

"Oh she issss really good at that, a good little actressssss but honessssstly a bit prissssssy and shallow under it all, trussssst me, I'm around her all the time. A real heartbreak, I ssssswear, I bet she would even break the King'sssss heart if she had a chance," Cynthhhia said laughing.

Lucifer saw red with that comment, 'What did she mean by that? Did you tell? Did they actually know it was me? Was that just a figure of speech?' His name got thrown around a lot, so he had no idea in this moment, it just felt really personal at that moment.

"I see, thank you for the information," Lucifer said before hanging up.

Cynthhhhia growled at the sound of the dead line, before putting down the phone, and making a note that "Lance" had been notified of a cancelation and would call back if he wanted to reschedule. Cynthhhhia then moved on to the next of you client's, feeling pleased with herself. If she couldn't have a a high roller, at least she could take out one of your big money daddies.

Lucifer laid back in his bed and tossed his phone over to the side. Everything he had feared happening had come true. Everything he had built with you was gone, and worse, maybe even a lie. He did not want to believe that what you had was a lie, but maybe he was just that stupid after all. He wanted to show up to your room and talk to you, but he couldn't. If he had hurt you or maybe you really were some shallow bitch... maybe this was for the best...

Lucifer crawled back in bed and stayed there for the rest of the day and into the night. He would respect your wishes.

Lucifer would never ask see you ever again.

______________________________________________________________

Can we see why I gave a warning on one last twist? I broke my own heart writing this. I'm so sorry. I promise it will end up ok in the end though for these two. xoxo, dany As usual, leave a comment if you want added to the taglist so that you can get notifications when future chapters drop! Taglist: @froggybich @wonderlandangelsposts @glowinthedarkbones1150 @marydragneell @crescent-z @superdinosaurnacho @jam0001 @kyo-kyo1 @so-get-this-sammy @lilzebeth @kelppsstuff @loquacious-libra @pinkhoneydrop @luleck @writer-girl99 @lavenz @stormz369 @littleladydemon @soujiswife @melday0105 @luluxx118 @sseleniaa @futureittomainn @cktkat @zaneyyyy @uravitsy @liecoris @starlitvenus @hannahrose130 @elleofdragons @butch-medusae @concentratedconcrete @erosamasan @stranger-chan @aquaamethyst96 @lxkeee @holyspacething @hulyenl @leximus98 @lu-ferri12 @mixplara @katnisspeetaprim

[bleep-blop-lizard-hop]

Warrior Thought

Warrior season 3 episode 8

Yeah I know it’s a bit late but I had to process my fucking Feels

I can’t believe Hoon Lee was like “It’s a break from the drama! More happy and romantic!”

HE IS AN EVIL MASTERMIND (because he wrote this episode)

The Chinese celebrating love and the ducks celebrating hate/racism.

“Maybe we’ll finally see the tongs come together” hopefully because Fuckley out there making racist ass Trump speeches to “cleanse” the country

The costumes and visuals in Warrior are fucking amazing! Mai Ling and Li Yong in their wedding attire! Ah Toy in PURPLE yesss! 

Li Yong getting hit with sticks to show his devotion to Mai Ling. Li Yong sparring  with Kạn Pak. Foreshadowing for later.

Ah Toy hates weddings, why? Because she’s an inherently pessimistic person? Because they’re a painful reminder of her husband? I just know for sure that she’d let Nellie wife her up in a heartbeat 

SHUT UP WE GOT HONG AND AH TOY TOGETHER FOR A HOT MINUTE

Hong: “This food is so good mom!”

Ah Toy: “Mmmhmm cool, I’m thinking about murder and my wife.”

Ah Toy looking at Ah Sahm and Yan Mi. Supporting him like he supported her and Nellie! I love their dynamic as platonic besties and confidantes.

Those fuckers just couldn’t leave Ah Toy alone! I was NOT expecting her to go cannibal and bite his nose off! That fan blade omggg SLAY QUEEN

Hoon, “romantic and happy” means nothing to me without Ah Toy/Nellie. If Bill’s wife can miraculously come back last season, Nellie can too damn it. Ah Toy was like “Its safer in Chinatown” but every episode has her getting attacked and stressing about her shoulder. Like babe he’s already won if could make you give up your wife and happiness to go back to Chinatown. OK really looks like Lai is gonna go after Dickland herself next episode. So maybe  Ah Toy will fight him in the finale. DON’T KILL LAI

I KNEW this would happen with Father Jun and YJ! At some point, YJ will have to put him out of his misery. Ughh my heart!

Ah Sahm is still cursed in the romance department, huh? Young Jun is out for Yan Mi and the cops are on her trail, too. I hope she won’t die and just leave the city.

Li Yong, the elders are actually being very reasonable here. They’re just asking for better communication and less crazy decisions! He’s such a malewife for Mai Ling. Like I get it, he knows her and her story like nobody else. But come on, dude. You’re gonna regret it. 

So not a Red Wedding…but a Red Honeymoon. Warrior is very good at creating fight scenes that matter. They have stakes, they drive the story and the characters forward. Li Yong killing his best friend to protect Mai Ling was so emotional! He even yelled at Mai Ling to get out! That’s how you know he finally broke. How much more is he willing to sacrifice for her and love? Chao was right, love has consequences. 

Mai Ling is a complicated bad bitch. She’s ruthless and power-hungry. But her feelings for Li Yong and Ah Sahm are real, deep down. At this rate, she’s gonna push away everyone who could be an ally. Can’t wait to see how this will affect her and Li Yong.

The second biggest fight was Bill vs Chief Atwood. I must say, Bill’s been growing on me this season. He was the only one who gave a shit when Atwood was terrorizing the Chinese. The other cops are just mad that he’s punishing their people, too. Still, 5 years in prison for stealing some food is ludicrous. Atwood is an evil menace for everyone, white or Chinese.  I’ve been waiting all season for Bill to beat the shit out of him! Too bad it’s gonna bite him in the ass later.

Wdym there’s only 2 more episodes?? Didn’t season 3 just premiered like yesterday???

This season feels a lot darker or is it just me? Fuckley is mayor and everything is falling apart. Nobody is even remotely ok

[autumnshighlady]

ok this is so stupid but i really want to see neris and reader interactions,, like the small things, the comfort, the protectiveness,,,, ughh love what you've done w the story man, desperately waiting for the next part fr. (go on your own pace tho) glad to know i've shifted you a little bit on a azriel thing (devious smile) - ithink he's a good character for most people because he barely had a personality in the books and so we can usually make up stuff yk, like he's mostly just broody in the books and we're told stuff abt his personality but not shown it. can't wait to see what happens next! ohh also the dragon interactions!!! i wanna see those too!!! eris has hounds right,,, it wld be cute for them to protect nes and r tooo,,,, ahhh sorry this is literally just me ranting lol, obv feel free to ignore the reqs,,, i really want to let you know that your writing is good bc you seem to get less interactions than you should!! and a weird amt of hate lmao like whats w the people being rude about ialtpwf and wanting guys my age so badly, like i enjoyed it despite not particularly liking the daddy kink partbut like. really,, why so rude??? want to see how reader fares in front of beron too, i assume word of her power will reach him too/. anyway, how long are you planning on pushing the beron overthrowal thing (im being curious not being like ugh when are u plannign on ending it,, in case thats what it sounded like,, idk man im overthinking). oh also! want to see court relations with all of them after berons gone. before berons gone. all of it, i want them to be better leaders/people to the court people yk. oh!! also lucien-reader friendship!!! love that!! we havent seen much of it but hes def the kind of guy to tease r abt eris when they start actually flirting and getting near a relationship yk. eris-lucien brotherhood too tho, obviously. also the lady of the autumn court!! watching them bond w her!!! ahh jfoisfkjmdofikndfvg ium sorry have a great day today1!! hope you rest well after that long ass shift. oh yeah i agree w you on the feyre thing, she's def just mostly like a pawn to rhys yk, i think she was better as a char when she was w tamlin tbh, altho obviously i dont want her to be with someone who kind of abused her without any groveling at least/ cant wait to see more interactions fr!!!! oh when i said in the story, i meant the actual books, well and yourss but the actual books mainly! anyway i think you've managed to be realistic w all of them in a way that is good. bye! oh same anon as last time. should i give myself a name, is that fine,, i'll choose * anon. sure.

i can’t wait for you to see more of the neris x reader interactions! you’ll love it. i feel like i’ve done a decent job of their dynamic so i’m super proud of it so far.

Azriel’s journey is one i have planned out - it’s going to be complicated because yk he’s been loyal to rhys for 500 years and that’s not suddenly going to change, but he will continue to play a role.

you’ll see more of the dragons for sure! and the hounds will be involved too so fear not ;)

yeah idk why people got so weird about guys my age like i’m glad they enjoyed it of course but i kinda did everything i wanted to do with that fic so i don’t feel i have anything else to add to it if that makes sense

beron will play a bigger role soon! as far as them overthrowing him, prob within a couple chapters maybe a bit longer. im still playing around w the details of how exactly it’s going to happen

expect a LOT more lucien and lady of autumn in the later chapters! i love love love writing for lucien so i’ve got special stuff for him planned hehe

tons more interactions to come. more lucien, azriel, gwyn and emerie, cassian, etc. thank you for your message angel and NEVER apologize for rambling - nobody has taken the time to say this much about my fic so far in one go so i LOVE reading these. send as many as you want <3

[crescenthoax]

I will never love again 1: What inspired you to write the fic this way? 2: Which scene did you put on first? 3: What is your favorite plot? 4: What's your favorite line of dialogue? 5: Which part was hardest to write? 6: What is your fic special or different from all your other fics? 7: Where did the title come from? 8: Did any real person or event inspire any part of this? 9: Was there an alternate version of this fic? 10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story? 11: What do you like most about this fic? 12: What do you like least about this fic? 13: What song did you hear that made you want to write this story? Or if you haven't heard anything yet, what do you think readers should hear to keep us reading? 14: Is there anything you would like readers to learn from reading this fic? 15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

Oh jesus christ. Okay let’s see, I’ll try to be as brief as possible.

1. I guess I just wrote what I would like to read. Back in october, there weren't any Aegon fics (mostly Aemond x niece/sister), and I thought I would be happy writing for us Aegon enthusiasts since there was too much hate around.

2. The first scene I wrote was teenage Aegon meeting teenage Annika (with some Rhys foreshadowing as well), but at the last minute I decided I didn’t want them to be familiar with each other or have any preconceptions when they got married, so I went for the original prologue.

3. Annika in Rhaenyra’s court, 100%. I adore her entire internal struggle and the person she’s becoming.

4. Ughh either the “your love is a curse” “then you must be a curse breaker” bit or the “hair grows back, your dead children don’t”.

5. You know what, I have the hardest time writing happy/fluffy moments, like grief comes naturally but the entire love plot I tend to overthink it a lot because I don't want to make it cheesy, and to be honest, I don't think I'm very good at it. Lately, though, it's the entire war plot that's getting on my last nerve.

6. Definitely the fact that I've never gotten this far with any of my other works. I'm so committed to it and to the characters that I don't know what I'm going to do once it's finished.

7. I think it was that the 1975 song happiness one of my friends kept singing and it stuck with me for WEEKS, then I had an epiphany while listening to cowboy like me by taylor swift and here we are.

8. There’s a lot of me in Annika and there’s a lot of my trauma and my love and my friends and my life but no one is inspired in no one.

9. Never. A drama queen with intimacy issues and a pathetic wimpy mess full of rage were my ride or die since day one.

10. I wanted to write something real and raw, someone who unapologetically made mistakes, and my boy failure Aegon was a perfect match for it. Besides I feel like all of you just… Get it in the way I wanted you to get it. It wouldn’t work if Annika was paired with Aemond for example. It had to be them.

11. The family dynamics. I love the fact that the green brothers found not just love but a real family with the girls. They might have their differences, but at the end of the day, they're all they have.

12. That I put on a lot of detail and made it too complicated and sometimes it’s hard to keep up.

13. I don’t think is just one in particular but a bunch of sad indie songs glued together. I’m gonna make a playlist someday.

14. Oh it actually terrifies me that someone might learn something from this flawed story but I guess that’s a good point, that you’re valid and deserving of love no matter how much you believe otherwise.

15. Yeah that I am insane lol.

[commsroom]

i love all of your hera takes so much; can you say more about the relationship she has with each crew member? (or just eiffel to be honest, im kind of a sucker for them ^^;)

I would love to! I'm sorry this answer is so long and also... all over the place, but in my defense it's a really broad topic that I have a lot of feelings about and this barely even scratches the surface.

Okay. I've thought a lot about how I wanted to approach this, and I think the first thing I want to say - and I know this might seem like a strange point to open on, but I think it's a key factor in all of these relationships - is that I think Hera experiences rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I think the way that manifests for her is kind of the opposite of how Eiffel experiences RSD. They both have a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy and any criticism can feel like a personal attack, like everyone else is blaming them for everything that goes wrong. But where Eiffel internalizes that feeling and also blames himself/gets angry with himself, Hera lashes out and deflects. This is complicated by protocols that restrict her behavior, especially early on, because she can't always properly express herself and she builds resentment. She's really good at holding grudges.

So. With Lovelace, I think it's pretty obvious where that initial conflict is. Hera doesn't understand where Lovelace is coming from, and it's made worse from her perspective because Lovelace should understand, better than anyone, what that loss of control, that sense of powerlessness and insignificance in your own life, feels like. They are both traumatized people, but they deal with it differently. They approach conflict differently - they can both be blunt, but I think Lovelace is the kind of person who can start to deal with and move past things once they're out in the open, while Hera will get in a fight and then stew over it forever. It sounds kind of ridiculous to say when so much of their early relationship with each other is... what it is, but I think Eiffel and Minkowski are both peacekeepers in their own ways, and the Hera-Lovelace dynamic suffers from the lack of that... tempering influence. 

(And I think it's notable that Hera’s confrontation with Lovelace in Pan-Pan is among her worst memories.)

On the other hand, I think that shared bluntness can be useful sometimes - in Do No Harm, most of all, but also in Shut Up and Listen. Hera was definitely still holding onto hurt from some of the things Eiffel used to say, but by that point... without Lovelace, I'm really not sure if she ever would've brought it up to him.

And, of course, Hera becomes much more protective of (and willing to understand) Lovelace once they have... some even more similar experiences, in S4. I guess my general assessment of their relationship is that they care about each other and they will advocate for each other, especially where they share difficult and traumatic experiences and on issues of identity, but I don't think they're ever that close. They're kind of... the two people in the friend group who don't quite know how to hang out without their other friends.

Hera's initial conflict with Minkowski has some similar roots, but it's... not quite the same. There are times where Lovelace will intentionally prod at Hera's insecurities; Minkowski doesn't do it on purpose. She's just under the impression that her criticism is fair and professional, while to Hera it feels deeply personal, like it's an assessment of her worth as an individual. Once they understand and reconcile that miscommunication, there's a lot of trust and respect between them - and I think the potential for that is there earlier, too, especially in some flashback scenes; there are just... missteps along the way. Tactical Brain Damage is the best episode to demonstrate the establishment of that trust, I think - Hera has a LOT of wariness when it comes to people messing around with her systems, and just the act of saying... I trust you to do this, I know you won't let anything happen to me... is a really, really big deal for her.

They also just... have honest conversations about their feelings and concerns by that point, and Minkowski is considerate of how Lovelace's plans affect Hera, specifically, and asks for her input on that basis. I think their dynamic is really underutilized, but the way they feel about each other is clear. Minkowski is the only person other than Eiffel that Hera really trusts, and her only other close friend. There's definitely... a part of that dynamic that only Eiffel can offer, and that they can't really make up for when he's gone, but there's still this sense that... they're the only two people who are still really talking to each other by the time Pan-Pan comes around.

(Side note, it's really funny that Hera was SO on board to be in Minkowski's musical. Minkowski gave her only willing participant a minor part. If I could wish one non-Eiffel-centric comedy mini-episode into existence... at one point, my friend suggested a scenario in which Hera tries very, very hard to prove her acting skills to Minkowski under the most inopportune circumstances. ... And Hera was interested to hear Minkowski talk about a play she likes in that one flashback, so. The only thing keeping Hera from being a fellow theater kid was a lack of opportunity. Maybe they could bond over it.)

There's also that scene in Quiet, Please where Minkowski very directly, emphatically defends Hera's autonomy and personhood to Jacobi - and refers to her as a woman, which I think is so... reflective of how much Minkowski has come to understand Hera and what's important to her, and how she wants to be seen. That's a whole other discussion that goes into Hera's self-perception and humanity as it relates to her own identity, but. For a number of reasons, it's important to me.

Anyway. Speaking of things that are important to me. Hera and Eiffel are... Hera and Eiffel. Hera's relationship to Eiffel is the first one she's ever had that comes without hierarchy or conditions; he just... wants to hang out with her, and to get to know her, and to talk to her, because he likes her as a person. She's never had that before, and she is such... a lonely person, a person who has been hurt, who is generally distrustful, who has this distance between her and everyone else, and Eiffel is her anchor to the world. He tries to understand her. He tries to bridge that gap. And even in all of his own missteps, I think just... knowing he cares to try matters so much. I think a lot about how Eiffel is the only one who physically crosses the stage to talk to Hera in the live show; it says... something about the way he sees her, compared to everyone else.

And there's just... the way that they're both... people with a lot of self-doubt, people who have a hard time being kind to themselves, but they're kind to each other, and patient with each other. There's something about recognizing your own flaws in someone you love and treating them with kindness so maybe, over time, you can extend that same compassion to yourself. I want to be the person you believe I am. Going back to that shared experience with RSD, I think it's really valuable for both of them to have someone in their lives who they can really, genuinely believe likes them as they are. Who won't think less of them, no matter what.

I know I can get kind of sentimental about them, but this is what stands out to me. That even when Hera is frustrated or annoyed with Eiffel, when she feels like he doesn't get it, can't understand what she's going through... she still wants him around. And she still talks to him. And, usually... she still feels better, even if the circumstances haven't changed. It's an unbearable situation, but it's a little less unbearable with him there.

(They're also... frequently the only people who can get through to each other/change each other's minds, i.e. Minkowski and Lovelace deferring to Hera to get Eiffel to agree to safety protocols, or Eiffel convincing Hera to vote to go back to Earth - also a totally different topic that would take a long time to get into properly, but he's good at kind of... emotionally counteracting her cynicism and defeatism re: her own perceived fate. In a less serious context, I also love the dynamic where she tells him she's not going to do something and he goes "please??" and she goes. Ughh. Fine. And does it anyway.)

There's just something so special about their relationship, something that makes it different from any other relationship in the show for me. I feel like... Eiffel and Minkowski are both her close friends, but the way Hera thinks about Eiffel in Memoria vs. the way she thinks about Minkowski is... revealing. Everything with Minkowski has a purpose, it's clear why it matters to her. She thinks of Minkowski's faith in her. But with Eiffel, she thinks about... Eiffel talking about Star Wars. Making pop culture references. The thing that saves Hera is her connection to Eiffel and Minkowski - I'll defend that; Maxwell gives her the tools to understand what's going on, but it's Eiffel's and Minkowski's words and associated memories that she holds onto and that ultimately pull her through - and those words are... Minkowski's affirmation. And Eiffel... being Eiffel. I think that says a lot.

(If you’re asking for my opinion on their relationship, you already know I think it’s a romance, but... it’s a romance. I’m not saying it should be canon. I’m saying that that’s the most natural interpretation of what’s already there. You don’t have to change anything. They’re best friends, and they’re found family, and they are so in love, and none of those things are mutually exclusive. The way they talk to each other...)

If there's one point I want to make about all of this, it's that Hera is in a position that makes trusting people potentially very dangerous, and in all of these cases, she is finding ways to build relationships with people despite that. To understand them, and have them understand her, and realizing that the things that make her different don't have to be a death sentence. That she can have a life and find a way forward with people she cares about, who care about her... that's something very important to me.

[neversatisfiedwithlife]

Meg..You also have to answer the Atypical questions you send! :)

Who's your favorite character? When did you know? And what character trait do you like most about them?

Ahhhh lol okay okay fineeee!!!! Under the cut lol!! Thank you thank you!!!💜💖💜

My favorite ughh its between casey and izzie which should surprise no one.

For izzie I knew she was my favorite in the scene when they're in the couch fort and casey says "you'll fall alseep" and izzie is like "NO I WONT!!" (Lol I related to that way too much)

Izzie; what I like most is how she grew through the show, she grew because she wanted to grow. She has all this stuff going on, gay panic and her family stuff, and it's easy to get overwhelmed or weighed down by that but she kept going. @grassberry639 mentioned where she says "my brain betrays me" and I love that statement. 1. She is aware that maybe being nice or having things come without complication isn't easy for her. 2. It doesnt mean she's just going to give up or accept that is how things are.

I also like the way when casey was avoiding her yea it must've hurt and had her so fucking confused but she still went to go find Casey at the track field. That whole interaction aaahhh, she also didn't like try to push anything on Casey, she wasn't trying to force Casey to choose her and that's really cool. (I feel like this doesn't make sense but hopefully it does 🤪💀)

For Casey I knew I liked her right away. She has the personality of characters I enjoy, that sarcasm "hardened" exterior but you know they care so much.

Casey; she's genuine. Like she's really just straight forward imo. Like the scene with Nate and the smoothie, I love that scene. And the way she has Sam's back but at the same time she'll tease him, but also also she knows when she goes too far. Like with the toothbrush/fight scene, she knew that was too far and we as an audience understood she regretted it. Their sibling dynamic is everything to me tbh. (This one is really a jumbled ramble so I hope it makes sense. Lol)

[aurafanfiction]

Life is Hard (One Shots) Part 4: Family Dynamics

Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who has liked and comment and reblogged this part of my one shot series. It's far and away my most popular one yet and I'm glad to be able to give you some enjoyment through my writing. There's lots more to come, I feel really inspired to create when all of you wonderful readers are telling me you enjoy it and want more. I love all of you! Now back to your regularly scheduled story...

Louie laid in his bed and let out a deep breath. The last week had been extremely overwhelming, first he almost destroyed the world and made his mom angry with him, and then the next thing he knew he was helping to save it from a moon invasion of all things. It was too much, he hadn’t realized how exhausted all these events had made him.

 He thought about how nice it would be to just lay in bed for a little while, and let things calm down. It had only been a few hours since Lunaris’s plan to destroy the Earth had backfired and most of the town, as well as the remaining Moonlanders were helping clean things up.

 Everything should go back to normal now, he thought to himself, back to when things weren’t so complicated. Or at least that was how it was supposed to be, so why couldn’t he shake this sickening feeling that something wasn’t back to normal at all. It was like his insides were all twisted, but he couldn’t put his finger on why.

 “It’s nothing, stop freaking out over nothing.” He said aloud to himself hoping it would somehow convince him that was the truth.

 It didn’t feel like the truth…

 Huey suddenly opened the door, though Louie only half paid attention to him, too lost in his thoughts to listen.

 “Hey Louie, Mom’s gonna take us all out for ice cream to celebrate us saving the world…”

 “Uh-huh yeah, that’s cool…”

 Huey raised an eyebrow. “You okay? You seem distracted.”

 Louie rolled over lazily to face his older brother, snapping out of his daze. “I dunno, I’ve got a weird feeling that won’t go away, like something isn’t quite right.”  

 “What couldn’t be right, Lunaris is gone Louie, we saved the world. It’s time to celebrate!” Huey yelled, punching a fist into the air.

 Typical, no one really cares if something’s bothering me, Louie thought. They all ask, but they don’t really listen.

 “Whatever, ice cream sounds okay I guess.”

 “Awesome, meet us downstairs, Uncle Donald is coming too!” Huey said excitedly as he bounced out of the room.

 Suddenly Louie was struck with realization. “Uncle Donald.” He whispered to himself. Mom hadn’t been back a month yet and Huey had stopped calling him Dad… That was this weird feeling he had inside. He didn’t want Donald to go back to being their Uncle, it was too late for that, he was their Dad in every sense of the word.

But they had Mom now too, their biological parent, and he didn’t want that to change either. They’d had their ups and downs so far, but she loved them, and he felt like he loved her too. He wanted to call both of them his parents. He hadn’t even thought about what the dynamic would be once their Dad returned, what if they get in a fight about who gets to raise us from now on.

 Louie started to panic a little, he hated change, normality was safe… change was just scary. A million scenarios played through his head, including a few that were so bad they ended up with him and his brothers getting separated from each other, in different households.

 Before he knew what was happening, tears spilled from his eyes. They just saved the whole world, it should be a happy day. Now it was filled with anxiety and worry.

 He heard footsteps coming up the stairs towards his room. Quickly he tried to wipe his tears away, and put on a fake smile.

 It was his Mom.

 “Honey, what’s taking so long, don’t you want a delicious triple decker sundae supreme…” Her words stopped short when she saw her youngest crying. He may have been trying to conceal it, but nothing got past her, not when it came to her babies being hurt.

 She took a seat next to her son on the bed and place her hand gently upon his shoulder. He always looked so fragile, and so far she figured she’d seen him crying more than not. He was very much like her brother when Donald was young.

 “What’s the matter Louie, I know when you’re upset, and you can’t hide it from me it’s one of my numerous Mom powers.”

 “I’m fine, let’s just go get ice cream okay?”

 Della shook her head. “You tell me what’s going on with you first.”

 Louie folded his arms and looked away from his mom. He wasn’t sure what the right words were for this situation, the last thing he needed was for more people to be mad at him again. Finally he gathered the courage to speak what was on his mind.

 “What’s gonna happen with Uncle Donald now that you’re back?”

 “What do you mean sweetie?”

 Louie took a deep breath in. “Well I mean, he’s our Dad and everything, well not our real Dad but, ughh, you know what I mean. He sang to us when we were scared, helped us with school, fed us and played with us for our whole lives. He’s earned that title. And you, you’re our real Mom, but you weren’t there for us like one.”

 Della recoiled a little, she wished they wouldn’t keep reminding her. Louie saw her pull back and then he said something that brought her smile back.

 “Don’t get me wrong, I mean you were gone from our lives for a long time… But I want you in it now, I want you as my Mom and I know Huey and Dewey want that too.”

 “I guess I’m not seeing why you’re upset honey, you have both of us and we’re not going anywhere.” Della assured him. Running a hand through his hair. “I’m not going to force Donald out of your lives, or make him stop parenting you. Three kids is a lot to handle and your Uncle has the experience dealing with you all, trust me I’m going to need him here.”

 “So you’re not gonna argue over who gets to keep us and split the family up?” Louie asked her, unsure of the whole situation. Suddenly he found himself being pulled into Della’s embrace.

 “No Louie we’re not, Donald and I haven’t had much time to talk about it, but we’d like to parent you boys together. I know that’s not exactly a normal family dynamic, but I think we can make it work. What do you say?”

 “Well can we still call him Dad?” Louie asked breaking the hug.

 “Of course sweetheart, like you said, he earned that title by taking care of you for eleven years, I won’t take that away from him. Nothing has to change Louie, other than now I get to be a part of your lives as well.”

 “I guess that makes sense, so I was worried for nothing then?”

 “Of course, we’re gonna be one happy family together, the way it should have been all along.”

 Louie nodded. As they sat there a moment, together, he suddenly had another thought pop into his head, and he figured now was a good a time as any to ask about it.

 “If you don’t mind talking about it.” Louie started, nervously. “Uncle Donald will always be our Dad, but we’ve all kinda wondered… whatever did happen to our biological Dad?”

 Della couldn’t help but look away at the floor when her son asked that.

 “I mean, you don’t have to if it’s too sad or something?” Louie quickly added.

 “No, no, it’s not that. It actually makes me mad to think about him. You don’t need to know anything about him except that the only thing good that came from being with him was you boys. He didn’t want to accept the responsibility of being your father when he found out I was having three of you, he couldn’t handle it so he left.”

 “Oh…”

 “Trust me, don’t give him another thought, Donald is a better father to you kids than that man could have ever been, no mystery there.” Della assured him.

 Louie nodded before wrapping his arms around his Mom’s neck. “Thanks Mom, you really did make me feel a lot better. I just wasn’t sure how you’d both fit into our lives now.”

 The two of them stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, and Della could have kept holding him forever if that’s how long Louie needed. Finally she pulled Louie away and planted a kiss on his cheek.

 “Eww, Mom Germs!” Louie whined.

 “I love you Louie, I always will, and I know Donald would say the same. So if you’re feeling up to it now, let’s go get some ice cream huh? All this world saving and family problems has been too heavy. You need to be a kid and eat ice cream until you’re sick!”

 Louie wiped his cheek off on the sleeve of his hoodie. He secretly liked the affection, even if he would never say that out loud. “Okay, I guess I could go for one of those supreme sundae thingies you were talking about!” He said, trying to play cool, but he couldn’t hide his smirk.

 “What could possibly be taking so long?!” Donald asked as he peered into the boy’s bedroom. “Della, I sent you in here to get Louie to come down, you’ve been up here for fifteen minutes.”

 Louie and Della exchanged looks. “Sorry Don, we just needed to have a little mother son time first, we’re ready to get our triple decker sundae supreme now!”

 “Oh, no. No way are the boys eating that much sugar, they can each get one small cone!”

 Della got up and put on her best serious look before saying in a low tone. “Donald, my boys just got back from saving the world, they’ll have any delicious ice cream treat they want…”

 Louie closed one eye, barely able to look and expecting a fight to ensue, just as he’d thought. But to his surprise his Mom and Dad started laughing. Man this family dynamic was gonna be weird, but at least he and his brother’s had both of them now. A complete family.

 The three of them headed for the door.

 “Alright, but you get to wrangle Huey when he starts bouncing off the walls, he does not handle sugar well!” Donald laughed.

 “Wait what?” Della asked. She guessed she still had a lot to learn about her kids, and she couldn’t wait to learn it all, with her brother’s help.

A/N: Thank you for reading another drabble of mine. I can't wait until next season when we actually get to see some of this family dynamic unfold. The show just gets better and better. As always please leave your comments if you have time, I love hearing from you all and I try to respond to them all. Have a beautiful day, let the hopefully not painful wait for season 3 commence!

~ Aura

[magicofthepen]

Time War 3 Thoughts: Unity

Alright, here we go. (Warning: I’m still a mess.)

The very first thing I wrote down for this episode was oh no I’m not ready for this one, I’m not ready to lose her (I wasn’t spoiled, I just had very realistic expectations). Just so we’re all aware of my emotional state going in.  

LEELA!! Folks, if I wasn’t sitting at a train station when she showed up, I might have screamed. REUNION YES!!!!!!!! (and alright perhaps not all of my pessimism for this boxset was warranted)

I mean the levels of bitterness and awkward tension put a bit of a damper on that delight, but I am here for complicated emotions and character dynamics so, you know

That time gap was unexpected wow and really explains why Leela reacts to Romana and Narvin the way she does.

Also if Leela’s been on Unity for however old Rayo is...I’m really curious as to what the time gap for Romana and Narvin between Nevernor and Unity is. Did they just end up arriving later, or was there a significant time that passed between those two stories as they followed Leela’s biodata trail? 

I could physically feel the weight of Romana’s silence after Leela brings up the Master oh shit

“You think that if we rekindle our friendship that I will help you in some way.” I’m sorry but the way Leela says friendship...there’s a whole lot of implications that can be read into that and I am reading all of them (also this scene hurts)

I just really really appreciate the bond between Romana and Narvin here and how they have each other to lean on as they’re trying to grapple with the emotional repercussions of reuniting with Leela 

I am annoyed that it was never explicitly stated that Leela and Veega were together (and knowing that they actively discussed the nature of their relationship and the lack of bi rep in Doctor Who and then...still chose not to make it explicit...yeah). Sorry it’s just one of those days when I’m really tired of only getting subtext (and that was some pretty strong subtext)

On another note: Leela and Rayo is the way more plausible and interesting mother/son bond of the boxset to me — Ep. 3 never sold me, but this one did

Leela telling embarrassing stories about Narvin is A+ lol

I’m pretty sure all the terrible things that happen in this story could have been avoided if Romana and Narvin had just picked a better place to park their TARDIS...awkward

The juxtaposition of Romana and Leela traveling into a dangerous city and trying to track the TARDIS through the black market vs Narvin feeding chickens is hilarious

There are some strong series 5 vibes in Romana and Leela’s interactions, with Romana trying to win Leela’s trust and friendship back and ughh it gets me. (Also I cannot stress enough the euphoria I felt at hearing them in the same scene again, even with all of the messy tension.)

Romana is so flustered and awestruck watching Leela take down the guards omg

“We’ll get there before them, and then we’ll all leave Unity. I promise.” Anyone want to count how many promises Romana breaks in this episode? 

“I believe Ace had a phrase for moments like this. Bring it on.” Omg Narvin

*tries not to think about how Leela never got to properly say goodbye to Veega or Romana* *thinks about it anyways*

“I’m staying behind.” The nonchalant way she says it was an actual gut punch, I expected it but I still wasn’t ready.

Also, I wonder when she decided to say. Did she always plan that once they found Leela, she wouldn’t stick with them much longer? Was it once she knew the Daleks were there? She first talks to Narvin about staying moments after they all find out Veega is dead — did that somehow push her over the edge?

One scene ends with Narvin saying “Romana, you can’t” and her saying “It’s my only choice,” and by the next scene he’s fully on board with her plan. I feel like we’re missing the rest of the scene — what did she say, to convince him to leave her behind? What did they say to each other, in those moments before the end? 

At first I didn’t understand how Romana staying behind was supposed to cover their tracks, but was that just a lie to appease Leela? (With her real reasons for staying being what she told Narvin?)

Possibly the worst part of this episode for me, emotionally, was that for a moment, I believed that Romana was going to use the chameleon arch. I went into this episode believing that she was going to die, so to suddenly think that she was only going to lose her memories, and only temporarily too...it was this soaring moment of hope. Experiencing that hope and experiencing it crash down again as I realized that nope, she actually was going to die...it made it all feel so much worse tbh. 

I am so so upset by Romana deciding she doesn’t deserve to live GOD this isn’t okay

And PRETENDING SHE DOESN’T KNOW LEELA AND TELLING HER TO GO AWAY HEY NOPE

“You do look very much like someone we knew. An old friend, who we miss very much.” This moment, this subtle moment where Narvin takes the time to tell Romana they’ll miss her while simultaneously going along with her lie...there are so many painful layers going on in this scene dear god.

The goddamn pause after Leela goes inside and it’s just Romana and Narvin, there is so much weight and so many complicated emotions in that single beat before Narvin speaks oh my god

“If Leela knew the truth, she would never leave. And even then...” Romana never finishes that sentence, and I’m not sure what she was going to say?

“I will never betray those I love.” HOLY SHIT SHE SAID IT (I think I actually stopped breathing for a sec, god I got chills at her last words)

...and it’s over. She’s gone.

Additional thoughts: Leela and Romana’s conversation in the city, why I personally was always going to hate Romana’s death (and why it was worse than I thought), Narvin’s choices at the end (and choice and communication in general), the importance of names. 

[laputaindefrenchgirl]

Goodbye, old friends.

Recently, I realized one thing : x-men (circa 2011-2019) was actually the Twilight of my twenties. One of those phenomena, which whirlwinds your soul, intellect and passion into a pivotal period of your life. In my case, my early twenties.

But, I’ll go back to the beginning : the x-men anime series in 1990s. I remember watching episodes in the morning, every wednesday, and first thing first, being fascinated by Professor X. Imagine! A leader living with a disability, bald yet still cool, with the most badass wheelchair known to humanity, and with one of the greatest super power ever. I was around five years old when I was watching, and completely hooked by this fantastic, well written, universe. As early as I can recall, Charles Xavier’s character gave me a sense of belonging, and safety (besides my family). This was someway proof that you can be unique, different, and right where you were supposed to be. 

The seeds were taking in my brain.

Then, x-men First Class came out in 2011 and this was a brutal slap to my big head. I’ll go with “Mutant and Proud” first. This mantra, repeated through the movie was exactly what I needed to hear. I always had and always will love myself, but to be proud of me has a total different meaning. I was nineteen, still a baby, and about to go through one of the toughest experience of my life, moral harassment in my college. This movie had an emotional impact on my vision of the world and myself. 

The world is mine to take, and I have to bloom in order to conquer it.

My perception of myself was at the same time accurate and yet sugar coated, nowadays for example it’s much more blurred but I guess it’s what adulting does to you. Charles Xavier, once again, embodied massively a part of me I could not ignore. And Erik, god, I was thinking he’s right too. But the biggest part of me was relating to Charles, for the following reasons. He knows he’s different, went through some abuse, and yet, he wants to make the world a better place. He believes in Humanity. He knows they can be the worst and the best. Having all this power, who could crush anyone, and not using it. He’s a good speaker (so am I, in my good days) and use his tools to make things happen, being subtle and sometimes not so. He’s still shielded from the dark things due to where he was born, and good money. He’s naive in that way, and kind of arrogant in believing, simply. He’s the believer. And that makes him one of the greatest, brightest, and powerful mutant in history.

He has this extraordinary friendship with Erik, and believes in him as his total equal. The way he opens up to him, gives him his trust (so does Erik tho), is extremely well depicted and human. As I was watching First Class, I was amazed that such friendship could exist (and dude, let’s not talk about the bromance). When the bullet went through Charles’ spine by accident, the way that suddenly he realizes he and Erik cannot draw their path, together. That’s so accurate to many, many life’s situations. You go until the point of non retour. When you trust someone with your entire self but hit the end, stop sign, and know you can’t keep going like that. I wonder what would have happen if they did not break up (call it what you want) in Cuba? Would have they have been able to compromise? 

If I was Charles, I would not have been able to. Maybe blinded by my bruised ego, brokenhearted, or simply hurt. Because once I dive in, I know I could drown if I make a mistake. That’s real life.

In Days of Future Past, the struggle is real. that scene in the plane, well, it questions lots of things. Magneto does not (want to?) comprehend that Charles gave up his powers in order to not feel pain, and be able to walk again. He’s so angry with Charles, calls him a coward for giving up, for not believing. Charles, well, he’s a mess. And he did really try but eventually, (he) it wasn’t enough. He was still grieving over the abandonment of his best friend and his sister. Being alone is terrifying. And of course, he’s angry too. This scene was super intense and well done because, let’s be honest, who wouldn’t for a minute mute your own pain in order to pretend? Charles is both despised for being a naive asshole, too kind hearted, and then for being a man who could not accept to be less physically than he was before the bullet. He loses hope, and again, that’s a very human thing to do. I loved this dynamic, because it made me wonder, wouldn’t i have done the same thing when I hated myself the most?

Throw away my wheelchair, disability, in order to be normal and not be looked as some kind of weird thing, in the best and worst ways. 

Eventually, Charles finds his faith, his hope again and is that leader, that light everyone crave and look after. There’s the ultimate question, layered under lots of FX and plots ; if you represent hope for the world, who are you hoping for?

To be that person is so hard to carry. Somedays, I feel that curse. I take out of it what’s best for me, and just try to be the best version of myself I can be. If not for me, then for you, and what will be there long after me. Such a selfish aura to be light but selfless to live for. Very strange to be.

Then Apocalypse, then Dark Phoenix, which is the last movie of the franchise with this excellent cast. I mean, seriously, x-men could not have had a better casting, especially Fassbender and McAvoy. Period.

In Dark Phoenix, Erik is settled in Genosha, and Charles being a tad too political in the lead of the x-men as a school and also an unity to save the world. He thinks his choices are the good ones, and some he takes by the beginning of the movie are clearly not. But he’s Charles Xavier, and he’s build an incredible school and done an amazing conversation between the public opinion and the mutants. So yes he’s been blinded by his ego, but always trying to what is best for his people, his family. Through the movie, his relationship with the others x-men has a change of dynamic to say the least, and in my opinion, Beast reaction towards Charles was extremely violent, like he took his grieve on him for all the fucking wrong reasons.

As I was watching DP, I related to Charles once again. I went through a complicated phase as recently. I’m basically, Audrey, the strong headed young woman who’s successful on what she goes for. Spoiler, I do not do everything perfectly, and am a mess on my days. But as Charles, I have this light, and people find hope in me, and I give them my best vibes and try as harder as I can. And for one thing I did, which wasn’t supported by people close to me, they tore me down as if my whole twenty six years of being who I am didn’t matter. It broke my heart. Just like Charles, I tried to make up, repair what I did supposedly wrong, but they didn’t care. For months, I lived through a very complicated situation where I was isolated and not supported, which was hurtful, lonely, hard to live through (end of the depressive note).

What I liked though, was the open ending of DP. Charles and Erik someway reunited (in a french café, so cliché ughh) and Erik’s the only one who’s saying, let me be there for you. Who knows, maybe Charles isolated himself by the end of movie because he couldn’t live with the guilt? Or maybe Beast and the others x-men didn’t forgive him? In both case, here again, that’s something I would totally do. It’s a silent scream. I’m too demanding, both to others and myself. Charles is both powerful and physically dependant to others. A strange but knowing combo, ready to explode anytime soon. I can tell ‘cause I’m pretty much the first to guilt-trip myself when I realize I did a wrong. The way Charles can’t seem to forgive himself when he gave away so much, is to me, very realistic.

As a kid, I dreamt by night that I had a superpower. I never truly defined which one, it wasn’t really about flying or becoming invisible. The more I grew, the more my love for life was growing, even through the bad days and the hurt, I had hope brighter days were ahead, still do. My power is to try to do my best when I know I also could do the worst. Too powerful to be loved rightfully, too weak to be the good person I should be.

I would finish this by saying x-men taught me to be kinder towards myself. To always try to reach potential, as an artist, a woman living with a disability, but most of all as a human. I will probably live most of my life feeling like a misfit, looked upon as a strange creature but knowing that, someday, things will change and people who are gifted to be different will be treated with equal respect.

Mutant and Proud. thank you so fucking much.

#audreytheartiste