#I mean come on Kenny's not the only one who has to suffer from his curse his poor family has to endure it too :-P

[muttsterion]

Do you have any theories about carol or anything you want to see about her in the future?

I only really have a few theories/head canons centered around Carol/Mrs.McCormick . For one I member her name being "Peg"(or the name I went with) before fanon and eventually canon settled on "Carol". Not so much as a theory as it is an old head canon though. With that I hc her actual name to be Caroline possibly named after a grandmother or great grandmother? Something along those lines.

I've also personally headcanoned her not originally being from Colorado. I'm not sure exactly why but for whatever reason I had her being from Texas and her family moved to South Park when she was either really young or in her teen years. During which time she would eventually meet Stuart.

I feel of the two parents she's closer relationship wise to Kenny and Karen, while Kevin is closer to his dad. Also feel Carol is more supportive based off the fact that when Kenny wanted to pursue his interest as an opera singer she encouraged and went with him all the way to Romania to support him. She's a good mother at heart though of course not always as attentive as she should be but she tries.

Ha I have one interesting in world theory I've recently thought of but haven't fully gone with that'd connect Karen with Kenny's near 1yr absence. If fully going with the rebirth theory with Kenny's immortality it could be maybe at the time Carol was pregnant with Karen and her womb simply didn't have room for Kenny so he went into a sort of limbo until his little sister was born....may do with that idea as you want. I personally hc Kenny's immortality to be able to work with or without Carol rebirthing him but there ya go. XD

Not too many other headcanons or theories I can think of her at the moment but she's still a pretty interesting character imo.

[scarletskiesinthepaths]

I can’t get over the fact that seeking out physical mementos of his dead loved ones is something Levi has been doing since he was a young child. He sought out his mom’s tea set because it was the last tangible symbol of the life she lived and the impression he had of her—never wanting to forget her. Levi keeps inside of him the memories of every person he has ever lost.

Levi does the same thing again when he loses his squad in the “Female Titan” arc, and he cuts out Petra’s Scout badge from her uniform. He wanted a physical reminder that they had lived. These physical reminders are signs of who they were when they were still alive. To Levi, everyone deserves to be remembered as such. There’s such tragic selflessness in Levi, though, that he willingly gives up that last memento of Petra to help alleviate the grief of Dieter, who had just finished accusing Levi of being “devoid of humanity” and then endangered all of them in an attempt to retrieve the body of his dead comrade. Levi consistently forgoes his own needs to help others.

That same tragic selflessness is present in Levi in “Bad Boy” because Levi was ready to die in order to preserve that last impression he had of his mom, the one good thing he ever had. Let that sink in. Levi didn’t even fully remember his mom, but the mere impression of her was the one good thing he had. That says volumes about the suffering Levi must have experienced in his short life up until that moment. He truly does not see any worth in himself or in his own life. He actively endangered himself in “Bad Boy” because of this. He was suicidal.

And yet, Levi values the lives of others beyond anyone else. He seeks to give their deaths meaning. All this, despite seeing no greater value in himself beyond his ability to help people. Levi sees others’ lives as inherently valuable, but not his own.

It is significant to note that Levi’s powers awakened from a desire to protect. It wasn’t until the men attacking him in “Bad Boy” spoke horrific things about his mother that Levi fought back with the intention to protect his mom’s image. It was that moment in which he awakened.

The trauma of going into a situation fully expecting to die and then coming out of it having murdered multiple men is immeasurable. Levi never wanted this life of violence, as evidenced by the fact Levi peacefully asked multiple times for these men to give him an item that was rightfully his in the first place. Then, this bastard with the glasses later attempts to carve into Levi the idea that Levi’s own mother would be disappointed in him and hate him for having defended himself—when the only reason Levi even fought back was to protect her image. The tea cup breaking at the end acted as a metaphor that Levi had sullied his own image in the eyes of his mother, reinforced by the likely fact that it was his newly awakened strength that broke the handle—Levi views himself as the problem. The title “Bad Boy” is in reference to Levi’s perception of himself as a bad boy.

It is clear to me that the only thing that motivated Levi to live after all this was the idea that he could possibly do something good with his newfound strength—even though he viewed it as a monstrosity within him, being the cause of him destroying the last memory of his mother and resulting in him killing multiple men (likely for the first time). His newfound strength was also associated with leading directly to Kenny abandoning him. As such, there is no other reason Levi would have wanted to keep living otherwise. All of this speaks to an innate goodness in Levi. His selflessness is both his greatest flaw and his greatest strength.

[spacedlexi]

I totally get your point about the kenny/Jane thing. In my opinion the best outcome is letting Kenny kill Jane (honestly Jane brought that to herself, all of them knew that if he lost someone else he would finally go ballistic and she deliberately put him on that spot to prove "a point") and then staying in Wellington, because Kenny acknowledges that he's not fit enough to care for her and AJ anymore, so he begs Clem to stay. He's aware that he's not right for the job, and he accomplished his mission, he stayed loyal to Lee and left. It also gives the opportunity to speculate whether he finally found peace after all his suffering. (Even if the original idea was him offing himself in the Virginia lake after that)

i always find myself struggling to talk about S2 because i know the writers changed direction (multiple times?) as the season was releasing??? which means character arcs and motivations were altered to fit this new direction and its like painfully obvious sometimes especially when it comes to kenny and jane and luke

i hate when writers cant commit to the bit. and that kind of happens with kenny. which is weird because even tho they decided against him literally being carvers character (which wouldve worked perfectly for a luke v kenny ending), they still try to give him that carver storyline. like.. i could see kenny easily being in carvers position at howes. just like lilly in S4 with the delta. these two characters wanted leadership and never liked any pushback from the people around them. i can also see the kenny we knew from S1 turning into a man like carver in S2 (a dude who has lost a lot and whose methods are becoming more extreme to keep people safe) and i think kenny being carver instead wouldve made carver a much deeper and more interesting antagonist. like carver is fine. he works although his beef with this 11yo is weird. but we dont buy it when bonnie tells us he used to be a cool guy. we've only ever seen carver as a murderer. but if it was kenny in this role then immediately we add a lot of baggage to this character and his relationship with clem and her new relationship with the howes group. like we know kenny and we know what hes capable of but we also understand his motivations and we do believe that deep down kenny does want whats best to keep his people safe. and clem reappearing in the life of THIS kenny wouldve been Huge as he wouldve already begun his descent and clem is the only one who can really get through to him (like they still try to do when all the adults are like "uuuh clem you go talk to the angry man theres no way he'll listen to US"). i think they were afraid of making kenny an outright antagonist though and instead tried to have their cake and eat it too which just kinda...leads to mess... commit to your characters dark spirals and downfalls i hate this wishy washy bullshit. plus having kenny as carver instead wouldve centered clem in the howes discussion more. as it stands she just kinda gets swept up in everyone elses bullshit and just has to go along with it. classic child experience tho

jane pretending that aj was dead to intentionally push kenny over the edge just to "prove" to clem that hes dangerous was SOOOOO unnecessary jane!!! like we know girl!! we know!!! and when he tries to kill her for it its like...i know you saw this coming jane so how did you expect this to end?? was she just hoping she'd win the fight? she even tells clem to stay out of whatever was about to happen (plus she does genuinely put ajs life in real danger by leaving him in that car where they were lucky to hear his cries). but i think this problem stems from them changing it out from being a luke v kenny showdown. i think that ending wouldve culminated more naturally as their beef was slowly building since they first met. disagreement in leadership styles. that silly little middle school "choose who to sit with at dinner" thing felt like foreshadowing of a luke v kenny fight that just never happened. they needed to create a reason for kenny to attack jane as jane doesnt care about leadership she cares about keeping herself safe so the whole aj thing just....feels forced. like... jane why....Why........ where did your self preservation go...its like your whole character...

so...yeah.... i have a lot of conflicting feelings about S2 and its ending. on my recent playthrough i had clem tell kenny that maybe lee Shouldnt have come to save her in S1, trying to be all "boo hoo im so sad i get everyone i love killed boo hoo" and kenny responds by saying he should SMACK her for that???? i was so shocked that i missed taking the screenshot of it. i gasped audibly... turned into a "matter of time" situation for me (even tho things seem fine enough in the S3 flashbacks hes weirdly normal again and still talking about boats). kenny is definitely a broken man hanging on by a Singular Thread by the end of S2 and jane snaps it. this is why i like leaving kenny behind at wellington. clem and aj are definitely the light of his life at this point and he wants whats best for them. leaving them at wellington is really the best thing he can do for them both and its very sad because we know he Needs them. and clem would want to hold onto whoever she has left so its hard for her too. throughout all the seasons clem and aj are seen as the light in the darkness the hope for the future yadda yadda and kenny losing that? yeah i can see why the virginia lake idea was a thing. but thats ALSO why i like the clem shoots kenny ending. this man just wants it to be over he misses his family so much he cant take this shit anymore. staying with kenny into S3 really feels like we're stretching out his character as far as possible. it kinda feels like they hit the reset button on him and hes back to talking about boats. i feel like post S2 they just didnt really know what to do with him or jane. i feel like their endings in S2 are the most narratively fulfilling for their characters and i want clem to enter S3 on her own

[withgreatpowercomesmyfuckingdick]

GENESIS CHAPTER!!! YESSSSSSS MY BOYY

Genesis is a hate-reader 🍷 Canon to me. I'm also glad you give him time to shine as a strategist, like, he IS a caster and one of the most proficient SOLDIERs in existence 💅stands to reason he does have to think things through on the battlefield and this isn't addressed nearly enough imo.

Zack "I'm not traumatized 😀" Fair is breaking my heart here. Both Cloud and Zack get to miraculously be together after losing the other, but the fear is fresh in Zack's mind. And unfortunately due to the rapidly developing situation (SCREAMS) he doesn't really have time to process and address it, and that's assuming he isn't avoiding doing so like the plague because Cloud's alive so everything's fine now right? 😀 Except it's super not and now Zack is the only one who really knows how not fine it is 💔

Speaking of not addressing emotions lol Angeal is in full repression mode and Sephiroth is isolatinggg 😬 I know how easy it is to withdraw when you're used to not having anyone there for you, when you have to figure out and manage everything yourself regardless of how unequipped you are for the task, but I also feel for Genesis here because it really does take a lot of work to gently coax people out of that over and over again. I like how you're addressing this in general, but especially from this pov! I really feel Genesis' frustration here. He knows it would get better if Seph just came home 😥

I really enjoyed the intel gathering scene with Bolin 👌👌👌 You're really serving up top shelf Genesis in this chapter and it's delightful to watch! But Camp 28 is stressing me tf out agagshshshshs Zack is somewhat reassured for now but even Kenny is worried about Cloud's lack of self preservation (physically and emotionally damn) and he doesn't even know how bad of a situation they're walking into! Though no one really knows and that's kind of the problem, but I love Kenny and I want him to survive this 😭 He needs to survive so he can be brave and trust Juvie with the kids!

Speaking of kids, CLAUDIA IS SO PRECIOUS I CANT 💕 I'm as bad as Vincent at this point. Claudia deserves the world (and she doesn't even exist anymore.. I will never be ok again 🫠)

I'm a little worried about whatever Genesis has planned to address the Camp 28 situation, because, well, it's Genesis lol but at the same time I love his constant rebellion against being told "no" 💅

Thanks for the amazing chapter!!!! Time to reread the whole thing again to distract myself from the incredible suspense of what's to come 😁🍿

HI HI HI THANKS FOR LEAVING ME THIS TO WAKE UP TO!!!

Genesis being a strategist just makes sense to me. Like. The man led a rebellion against Shinra that turned into a straight up war, waged it for a decent amount of time, and managed to not immediately get eradicated. That in itself says the man’s got SOME brains on him lol

Yeahhh Zack’s still in the “just happy Spike’s here” stage and honestly doesn’t even realize what he’s doing. The weight of carrying Cloud’s secret is kinda trumping his own emotions in importance, which miiiiiight not be good :/

It’s kind of sad when, to an extent, Genesis is being the most emotionally intelligent among them. I mean. Seriously. Genesis? Same guy that thought talking Sephiroth into insanity would make the dude help heal him? Yeah if he’s the smartest emotionally everyone needs some DIRE help.

But also guess what conflict is going to be resolved next chapter because I like making Seph suffer but not THAT damn much? Angeal’s repression might take a bit longer but gimme a second there’s five character arcs going on at once 😂

Camp 28 is, if you guys didn’t notice, another parade situation, except I’m dragging it out for effect LMAO. It obviously isn’t exactly the same but…well, you’ll see ;) Kenny’s just trying to look out for a buddy :( Cloud’s doing the same thing, just like…way more risky and possibly self destructive. Immortality went RIGHT to his head IMMEDIATELY

Cloud says it’s his daughter but that’s OUR DAUGHTER!!!

And like you said lmao—

Sephiroth: Genesis, no

Genesis: is that a fucking challenge

Nah seriously like, Genesis and ‘letting that slide’ don’t go in a sentence together. it’s just

Genesis, squinting at Camp 28: I don’t know what the fuck’s going on but TRUST you will be dealt with

Feel AWFUL for leaving this answer to you in my drafts for like…for fucking ever 😭 But thanks for leaving me this lovely!!! Always encouraging to read a lil smth from you 🖤🖤🖤

[katie-the-bug]

Another book without a plot.

The Remnant, Left Behind #10, was a deeply frustrating book.

Characters:

The Tribulation Force: Rayford Steele, pilot; Buck Williams, journalist; Chloe Williams, organizer, wife, and mother; Kenny Williams, infant; Tsion Ben-Judah, the greatest evangelist evah; Chaim Rosenzweig, Israeli convert; Mac McCullum, backup pilot; Abdullah Smith, backup to the backup pilot; Albie, former black-marketer; Chang Wong, IT guy on the inside; Steve Plank, Christian in disguise.

The Global Community: Nicolae Carpathia, Antichrist, risen lord and deity of the GC; Leon Fortunato, Satan's little helper; Viv Ivins, role unclear.

The book's subtitle is "On the Brink of Armageddon." Now, the last book ended slightly more than halfway into the seven-year Tribulation and this book picks up immediately after. That means this book will try to take us through roughly three years' worth of catastrophes, persecution, and general drama. Surely we won't suffer from a loss of detail as we hear about rather than see these events.

On the first page the narration refers to "the robe and sandals of an Egyptian" as though that's what all Egyptians wear all the time. (Lest we forget, this describes Rayford's attempt to disguise himself as an Egyptian. Well, that an a generous dose of brownface.)

The bombing of Petra in the last book unsurprisingly has zero effect, and Nicolae decides to take out his frustration on Jewish people in general. Is it not enough that he's the Antichrist, that they have to make him Hitler too?

There's still a handful of refugees in Petra who haven't converted to Christianity, which Tsion finds confusing despite having himself preached that God would mind-control people into refusing to convert.

Mac goes to Greece to try and rescue a Christian who was captured there, and, after he's sprung the guy, they're stopped at a roadblock by a soldier who asks to see their Marks of the Beast. Mac was disguised as a GC officer by a guy whose appearance-altering talents are praised to the high heavens, but he didn't even bother to get a fake Mark. It's pointed out again and again how getting a real Mark would damn him irrevocably to Hell, but no consequences are mentioned for faking one, other than the GC killing you if they find out - and they'll kill you if you don't have one anyway. While the Mark includes a biochip, we never see any Marks getting scanned, leading me to believe the GC is going off visuals alone. The Mark is both a tattoo and a chip, so I figure if you only got the tattoo, you don't really have the Mark. So why not get one and make your disguise foolproof?

The adventure in Greece ends in a Christian safehouse compromised and slaughtered, but Mac and his team make it out because Archangel Michael intervenes on their behalf. I bet everyone involved would have preferred he help the larger number of people who got killed, but whatever.

At the beginning of a lengthy speech in Chapter 13, Tsion refers to the Bible as "the only truly accurate history ever written." You gotta love the little bits of comedy they slip into these books.

He says the Biblical Flood "still boggles the minds of scientists who find fish bones at altitudes as high as fifteen thousand feet." I could give the authors the benefit of the doubt and assume they've never heard of plate tectonics, but these are grown, educated men I'm talking about. They know about plate tectonics, they just don't like it and thus decide to pretend it doesn't exist.

In a description of the coming paradise promised to believers, Tsion states that "the population will grow to greater than the number of all the people who have already lived and died up until now." That's over a hundred billion humans, and, while I've never gotten on overpopulation catastrophe train, I really don't think Earth can support that many people at a standard of living that could be described as "paradise." Tsion further claims that this number of people will be possible because there will be no war. Yes, war kills vast numbers of people, but you know what kills even more? Disease and starvation, especially on the scale that would occur if there were a hundred billion people on the planet.

"How could you not love the God the prophets describe?" God has been killing people with wild abandon since the beginning of this series and intends to condemn most people to eternal suffering for not saying some magic words. Next question please.

Tsion says God is "working in people to get them to make a decision." He never says God will work in people to make the right one, which is accurate given how many times he's said God will "harden people's hearts" and force them to condemn themselves.

"Whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved." Unless you've taken the Mark of the Beast. Then you're outta luck.

Steve learns that he is expected to take the Mark, and Chang offers to change his file so that it looks like he's already taken it. Steve says that "would be like my choosing the Mark" and thus immoral. I will never understand these characters' aversion to faking the Mark.

Steve's friend Vasily, a GC guy who's taken the Mark but regrets it, offers to help Steve escape. Steve's refusal is irrelevant to the fact that Vasily is still willing to do good despite knowing God has rejected him. Perhaps we're supposed to see the Christians as paragons of selflessness for *checks notes* dying, but they know they've got a reward coming. Vasily doesn't, but he's willing to risk his position and his life. That's real selflessness.

Throughout the second half of the book we get randomly placed time skips of a few months each, some of which are in the middle of chapters. The "Great Tribulation" happening in this book is allegedly the worst period in human history - would it kill the authors to focus on it a little?

The GC is starting to fracture, but nobody tries to assassinate Nicolae because they think he'll resurrect. The people vying for power are supposed to be evil geniuses - wouldn't they try something like burying Nicolae under tons of concrete so that when he resurrects he can't get out of his coffin? Maybe stick his body in acid so that when he comes back he immediately starts dying again? You've got options, dammit!

We get a couple more plagues - freshwater turning to blood and a deadly heatwave. The heat is so intense that the ocean is literally boiling and buildings spontaneously combust. That combined with the fact that no living thing has anything to drink, and you have yet another scenario where realistically, everyone and everything should be dead. Of course, the authors could never be convicted of realism.

I'm glad the authors have dropped the angle that the judgements are God's way of getting people's attention. Now they're saying that the plagues are God's way of thinning out the evil population to make the final battle more even. Lemme run that by you again: God, allegedly omnipotent, needs to kill off his enemies before he fights them to make things more even. Can the authors just admit that God is killing people for fun?

During the deadly heatwave, Nicolae goes sunbathing. This has nothing to do with anything, but it is funny.

If you thought the ideas in this book were frustrating, wait until you see Armageddon.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Top Gun (Scott, 1986)

I rewatched the first half of this a week ago on a flight, in a 4:3 aspect ratio, horizontally squeezed (not even cropped), and still managed to enjoy myself. (The primary advantage was that Tom Cruise looked taller with the image squeezed in, or stretched vertically.) Now, on a different flight, I've managed to rewatch the rest of the movie, in a slightly more dignified cropped presentation, making time to watch the opening with Kenny Loggins' "Danger Zone" and then skipping to where I left off. This is close to an ideal way to experience the movie, as you excise much of the DOA romance between Cruise and Kelly McGillis and instead are treated to a series of flight sequences, dick swinging (not literal, although it might as well be) and pensive brooding, the movie distilled to its essence of gorgeous planes and the gorgeous men who fly them. The fighter jets glisten like the abs of the male cast in the notorious volleyball scene, always, always captured in that perfect magic hour glow.

Every image in this movie is framed and lit so immaculately that they can't help but feel loaded with meaning. And that meaning is "USA! USA!" I'm not going to wring my hands too much over the movie's politics (it's so obviously propagandistic that it seems like a waste of time to get worked up over it), but will note as I've probably done previously and certainly others have over the years, that the fact that it limits itself mostly to training sequences and refuses to clearly define the enemy means that it's more effective in that respect. One, it's a movie you feel, rather than think about, and it's easier to be moved by pure vibes than clearly articulated geopolitics. Two, the climax gets a lot less cool when you realize that it was inspired by the 1981 Gulf of Sidra incident, in which American F-14s were fired on by Su-22 Fitters belonging to Libya, a significantly less intimidating enemy than the euphemistic Soviet presence implied in this movie.

This is a problem that didn't bother Iron Eagle, released in the same year, which features an opening confrontation also inspired by the incident and later has its Gaddafi stand-in get in a fighter jet to go after the heroes. ("I am coming for you, Iron Eagle.") That movie also takes a much more hardline political stance. For all its jingoism, Top Gun concedes that naval pilots don't make geopolitical decisions. ("Now, we don't make policy here, gentlemen. Elected officials, civilians, do that. We are the instruments of that policy.") Iron Eagle explicitly decries the Reagan administration's attempt to negotiate with its enemies (full disclosure: I've paraphrased the line about holding aces and twos during work discussions) despite having praised it earlier, and insists that the only solution to such problems is to bomb our enemies back to the stone age. Diplomacy is for pussies.

I chased this with a rewatch of the sequel, and while I very much enjoy both movies, it is worth noting the differences between the two. The original was still establishing Cruise as a star, does it's darnedest to make him look as cool as possible. The sequel, well, it still makes him look pretty cool, but gives him a few self-deprecating moments and pointedly frames him against much taller actors. It also gains quite a bit of mileage from the distinct way in which Cruise has aged, as if he tried to resist wrinkles out of sheer willpower, (I'm sure there are less impressive and possibly sinister reasons for his appearance), especially compared to someone like Val Kilmer, whose appearance is a lot more frail in comparison. In the original, the bulk of the male cast had an almost uniformly sleek and handsome look, so that anyone who didn't fit into that mould, like Tom Skerritt, Michael Ironside and James Tolkan, automatically had some texture added to their performances. I think Anthony Edwards benefits a bit from that contrast as well, and this is one area where I think the sequel suffers. Edwards is almost effortlessly likable, to the point that we would be tempted to root for him even if his character were, I dunno, perpetrating sex crimes like in Revenge of the Nerds. In contrast, Miles Teller, who plays his son in the sequel, is anything but, and resembles Sean Penn more than Edwards, and the movie has to cheat to have us sympathize with him by placing Glen Powell in a heel turn. One wonders if Powell might have made a better foil for Cruise in the sequel, he's prickly in a way that brings to mind Kilmer in the original. (Really, I would have liked to see them shoehorn Edwards back, perhaps in a different role, but I'm pretty sure audiences wouldn't go for it.) I think the original has a more memorable cast on average, although I confess I still couldn't tell the difference between Hollywood and Slider and am not convinced they're not actually the same person.

The sequel is also more of a "real" movie, in that it builds its plot around a clear climactic mission and spends most of its runtime building up to it. It certainly traffics in cliches, but puts in the work to pull them off for the most part. The original's cliches are more in the form of ready made "iconic" moments, that I suppose have managed to become iconic, thanks to the forcefulness of Tony Scott's style. But it's relative inattention to plotting means that the climax is more impressive in that it manages to be visually coherent without the mission parameters having been hammered into our head or even clear geographic signifiers to orient us. But who am I to complain. They're both great action sequences, and in both cases, I was internally hooting and hollering and shedding a tear or two when the good guy planes were blowing up the bad guy planes.

[cosmicjoke]

One of the most interesting and I think important contrasts in Attack on Titan is the one between Levi and his uncle, Kenny.

Kenny believes, after his encounter with Uri Reiss, that kindness can only be achieved through power.  He believes that if he’s somehow able to attain as much power as Uri, then he too can become a kind person, and let go of his cruelty.  Kenny’s beliefs aren’t entirely unfounded either.  Though rather than it being power that allows for people to generally be kind, I would say it’s more ease of living that allows it. 

In general, people living in a controlled society and civilization are more capable of kindness and generosity because there just simply isn’t the same level of struggle and fight for survival as there would be otherwise.  Without a constant threat to our lives, such as starvation, not knowing where our next meal is going to come from, or fear that we’ll be killed by some bigger, stronger animal, or even the every day threat of being killed by other people due to enforced laws and greater availability of life essentials, like food, water, shelter, etc... we’re given then the luxury of idle thought, which leads to philosophy, which includes concepts like morality, etc...  If we aren’t in a constant battle for simple survival, we suddenly can afford to consider things like moral questions and other, more abstract notions.  So Kenny’s belief that with power comes kindness has in it a definite element of truth.  Kenny feels he’s never been able to be kind because, due to the persecution of his family inside the walls, he’s never been able to afford it, being in a constant fight for his life, and the lives of those he loves.  This struggle for survival has turned him cruel and cold-hearted.  It’s turned him violent, and with that continued necessity of violence for his own survival, he began to twist into a person who enjoyed violence; a person who began to engage in violence for his own pleasure and amusement, killing random MP’s for simple revenge.  The harshness of Kenny’s life is what turned him into a bad person, or so he believes.

Ironically, in his quest for become kinder through the seeking of more power, Kenny only became crueler and more ruthless, disregarding the lives of others for his own, selfish gain and dream.

Levi, by contrast, is the opposite, and really serves as an exception to this rule, or this notion of Kenny’s. 

Levi is largely acknowledged as the character in AoT who has suffered and lost the most.  Everyone he ever loved and cared about ends up dead, his family and friends alike; his comrades.  He grew up in abject poverty, and was exposed early on to the cruelty of human beings and the horror of death, watching his mother be used like an object for the pleasure and amusement of others, before finally succumbing to disease, after which Levi was trapped in a room with her decomposing body for who knows how long before Kenny found him.  No one in the brothel even knew Kuchel had died, which means no one even went to check on Levi before Kenny came.  And when Kenny did find him, he was starving to death.  Starvation isn’t something most of us can ever even imagine.  What it’s actually like, what kind of pain it causes, what kind of sickness. 

Levi was then raised by Kenny for a few years, in which Kenny taught Levi how to kill, exposing him to yet more violence and cruelty, before abandoning him on the streets of the Underground to fend for himself while Levi was still very much a child.  The Underground is a place where the dregs of society end up, many of them criminals escaping the law.  It’s a cutthroat environment of kill or be killed.  A ruthless world where kindness and compassion isn’t allowed to exist because of the overbearing struggle to simply survive.

Levi lived this life that most of us are lucky enough to never have to experience.  That life which society usually protects us from, in which our survival isn’t at all guaranteed, or even likely.  Where starvation is a real possibility, where being killed over some sort of dispute, over territory, or over resources, food, water, shelter, clothing, isn’t just possible, but even probable. 

Given that he lived this sort of life, being in a state of constant struggle and uncertainty, with no promise of tomorrow, living in  a constant state of fear, by Kenny’s measure, Levi should have turned out like him.  A cold-hearted, ruthless killer, incapable of kindness, compassion or generosity for the harshness of his life.

This is an important theme in AoT, this idea of nature versus nurture; this idea of how much our environment and the circumstances of our lives impact who we become.  Many characters within the world of AoT use their upbringings and the circumstances of their lives as an excuse for their behavior.  Ala, “I did this because of that”, “because of this experience, I was made into this”, and so on. 

If anyone had an excuse, then, to be unkind and cruel and unempathetic, it would be Levi.  Not only did he grow up in a constant struggle to simply survive, but he was also an outcast, spurned by society above, rejected as unwanted riffraff, not even allowed to consider citizenship, or seek the benefits of such.

And yet... Levi is also largely acknowledged as the kindest and most compassionate character in AoT, the most empathetic and caring.  The fact of Levi’s character directly contradicts Kenny’s belief, that you can only be kind if you have power, or control.  That you can only be kind if you have the luxury of it, if you aren’t in a constant battle to survive.  Levi, while physically powerful, has no real power beyond that.  He ran a gang Underground, but he never sought that power out, rather was roped into by Furlan, who wanted Levi’s strength to help him in his own endeavors.  And Levi considered Isabel and Furlan to be equal partners in that with him, sharing in the responsibility, and having an equal voice and vote in the decision making.  Instead of wielding what little power he had there to gain more power, instead of letting that power make him crueler, as Kenny did, he instead used it to try and help as many people as he could, taking in other abandoned children and delinquents, giving them a chance at survival they might otherwise have never had, using his strength to better people’s lives.  Levi’s innate goodness of heart is what dictated his actions and behavior, regardless of the circumstances of his life, or the cutthroat nature of the world he occupied. 

Later, while part of the Survey Corps, and while having a limited role of authority as a Captain, Levi still wasn’t in charge of any significant decision making.  He wasn’t the final authority on any of the big decisions or operations.  He’s never had ultimate power over anything.  He saw himself, and was largely treated as a weapon to be wielded by others whom he considered more capable than him in making important decisions, and he allowed it because he believed it was the best way for his strength to be utilized, to be wielded as a sword and shield for humanity.  The power he did have, as a physical weapon, he allowed to be used by others for their benefit, not his own.  And that kindness, compassion and generosity which had always dictated his actions continued.  He always went out of his way to express his gratitude towards his comrades and friends.  He made it a priority to give meaning to their sacrifices.  He took the time to ask after them and to check on their well being.  He constantly put his own life on the line in an attempt to protect theirs, and the lives of all the people inside the walls.  He kept fighting for them even after he’d lost everything.

I always point out how Levi’s befriending of Furlan and Isabel is a prime example of his innate goodness.  Because it would have been far easier for Levi to survive on his own, without the weight or pressure of having to care for and look after two people weaker than himself.  It would have bettered his own chances of survival, if he were to have continued on alone, with only himself to worry about.  But he didn’t do that.  He allowed them into his life, even with the risk it posed to himself, and in spite of the harshness and cruelty of his experiences growing up.  He still retained an open and generous enough heart to make friends, even after all of the terrible things he’d been through, even after all of the awful examples he’d been set and exposed to, from growing up in a brothel, to watching his mother used and abused, and then seeing her waste away and die without anyone offering any kind of help to either of them, and then later being abandoned by his sole guardian to survive in a world where survival wasn’t even a likelihood. 

Levi’s experiences didn’t make him cruel, or cold, or ungenerous.  They did the opposite.  And that’s truly a testament to his innate kindness and compassion.  That experiences that would, for many, make them meaner and less sympathetic, like with Kenny, with Levi, only enhanced those qualities already existing in him.  His sensitivity toward other people’s suffering, and his wish to somehow ease that suffering, was only brought more to the surface. 

Levi’s cruel and deprived upbringing may have made him rough around the edges.  It may have made him too blunt and honest for other people’s tastes.  It may have robbed him of the social skills required to be charming, or likeable.  It may have stolen from him the ability to ever, truly fit in or navigate social interactions with ease.  It may have made him violent, and intimately aware of the nature of violence, and its unavoidable role in the human condition.  But one thing it never made him was cruel, and one thing it never took from him was his compassion or kindness, or the value with which he regards the lives of others.  That truly is testament then to the opposite of Kenny’s beliefs, that even in a world where we struggle to survive, empathy and goodness can still win the day. 

[watiamdoingwithmylife666]

How / Why they are Jealous - AOT

Sum: How they react when they are jealous and why they are. Pairing: Erwin/ Levi/ Miche/ Hange/ Moblit/ Kenny

I hope you will like it! I maybe gonna do the same but with the JJK character since I am obsessed with this show those days.

Warning: Grammar error as usual / Kenny (He's a warning by himself)

Erwin

Erwin's jealousy is the result of his own insecurities, if most of the time he hides it well, sometimes he just goes to you and asks for reassurance.

The commander doesn't really have time for being jealous. Plus, he fully trusts you. But it happens sometimes that he get this weird feeling of possessiveness that grown in his heart, far from him the idea of being jealous huh? Erwin gets this feeling mostly because he knows he prioritizes his work a lot, and he doesn't give you his entire attention as much as he wants. So when he feels like he failed you as being the husband you deserve his mind trick him. Seeing you with a too friendly comrade talking made his mind get stupid.

It's tea time and Erwin is getting out of his office for the first time of the day. He thought it would be the perfect moment to grab something to eat and ask you to join him. But on his way, he saw you with some friends of yours. You seem really happy, your beautiful smile on your face, he stops on his track just to admire you from afar. He can't believe how lucky he is to have you, and it's right at this moment that his mind tricks him. Making him feel like he's not good enough, possessiveness grew at this moment making him go straight to you and ask you to follow him in his office. far from the curious eyes, Erwin kisses you like he hasn't seen you for months.

Levi

Just like Erwin, Levi's jealousy comes from his own doubt. He knows that he's not the romantic perfect boyfriend. And he wonders sometimes if you wouldn't have been happier with a guy that deals with his emotions better than him.

For me, he's not the jealous type. If you are together that means it's ''serious serious''. He won't get in a relationship if it's not for life (and you didn't take that long to get him to cheat at the end eh?). But he knows that the way he deals with his emotions is not the best way. And it happens that sometimes when Levi feels a little down, he thinks about how you probably suffer from his lack of love attention. Levi wanted to be like your best friend. He wasn't jealous of a lot of people. But your best friend was on the list among Erwin, Miche, and Hange. Those peoples were able to talk about their feelings, not him. You had this thing with them that he felt he like he couldn't have with you. This proximity of confidence that he was struggling to gives you. So seeing you laying in the grass with your best friend laughing so hard, harder than he could have. His heartache. It's only later that day, when both of you was in your shared room, that Levi was sitting on the bed looking at you when you were putting on your pajama.

'' you know that I love you right?'' you've been taken off guard, but before you could say something he spoke '' Even if I don't tell it to you so often... You know it right...?''

Miche

Miche is aware that he is labeled as a weird person because of his habit of sniffing everyone. But even with that, Miche is not someone who has insecurities. So his jealousy would come mostly because someone did something to make him jealous.

Both of you are squad leaders, it results in both of you don't have that much time with each other. But when you can, you do obviously. But this time Miche was on his way to tell you that he had finished work early today and wanted to go for a walk with you. Much to his surprise, you were already outside with some of your friends talking while brushing the horses. One of your friends came next to you put his hand on your waist, before approaching to say something in your ear. Miche feels upset by the move and didn't take time to think twice before he was back on the track.

"Hey, babe !" The guy behind you jumps at the big voice of Miche when you turn around to smile at him. "I just finished you wanna go for a walk with me near the river?" he asks, but his eyes were angrily looking at your friend when saying that. Of course, you did go with him, and you understood that Miche was jealous so you gave him extra cuddle when you had to lay on the grass with him later.

Hange

Their mind is too busy to be jealous. Most of the time. But they do get jealous. Like Miche, Hange doesn't have insecurities at all. They know how they are, and are pretty happy with that. So Hange gets jealous mostly because they don't have your full attention.

It happens a lot when you are in the dining hall and Hange explain one of their last discovery and someone dares to talk to you? when they were the center of your attention?? Or when you are in the lab and you don't focus on their dangerous experiences and pampers them but talking with Moblit?? Or when you're doing your training by pair and thought they wanted to be with Moblit and you go with Levi, like ??? What ???

"I am sorry but I require your attention sweetheart. Whoever this person is I need you right now."

Moblit

Jealousy for Moblit is mainly caused by his overthinking. He thinks that most of the people at the SC are better than him. And he can't stop his mind saying that his partner would prefer someone smarter like Hange or Erwin, someone stronger like Miche or Levi, or built like Reiner, Funnier like Sasha. So his jealousy is driven by himself and built by his own insecurities.

After a long day of work, Moblit has the tendency to zone out while fixing the ceiling. This morning he saw you at the training, you were in with some friend all more handsome than him he thought. If they wanted those people would be capable to change your mind and leave him for one of them he thought again. The tendency to think for the other is useful for Moblit in his job. But it's a curse for his relationship. He can't stop thinking about what would be the best for you without even thinking that He, could be the best for you.

So later at night, when both of you are in your shared room. When you notice that his mind is cloudy, you hug him tighter. "I love you so much honey..." he says before kissing your temple.

Kenny

Kenny's jealousy is driven by his self-esteem. He told about himself that he's a piece of trash, so the fact that you are willing to love him back took him by surprise at first. But now, everyone that comes near you is obviously better than him in his mind.

Because of who he is, you and Kenny can't really show off your couple. So when you are together outside, what is a "date" for you is just two friends walking for the other. That why Kenny knows he can't do anything when a merchant hits on you. It runs on his nerves but he tries so hard to no do anything that could cause trouble for you. Because even if he has short temper, he refuses to put you in unnecessary danger.

But when you get back home. Be careful because Kenny gonna claim what's his. "Ok sweet thing, c'mere I'm gonna show you who's you belong to."

[onigiri-dorkk]

Chapter 56 moment Levi (+Mikasa) Analysis

The first time you hear these words from Levi, it just goes over your head/he just seems like a hardened soldier who doesn’t stop to think about loss. But then you realize… shit… Levi thinks about every single loss, EVERY SINGLE DAY. He goes into every day assuming the people around him won’t make it or won’t be there the next day.

He just dismisses his traumatic way of viewing his life as “Well, I just think like this because I’m not normal and have seen shit. Moving on now...” But??? Like??? Can we stop to think about that? Like how tragic it is to view his daily life like that. Think about how dark and heavy that nonstop mindset would be for Levi.

This is coming from a man who, just the next day/soon after, indeed loses even more of his squad traumatically AGAIN — the soldiers who were standing literally next to him during this speech, exactly like he says. (His pained face illustrated as Kenny shoots their heads was brutal ;-; Poor Levi…)

Once again… Levi has only ever known loss and suffering and outliving people he grows even REMOTELY close to. And always in tragic ways. He deserves to be stone hearted. And yet he reveals every time that he feels deeply — SO deeply. Isayama always says Levi is the most emotional character and it makes sense.

And we see this even in more dialogue of Dimo to his son — he trusts Levi wholeheartedly and calls Levi a good guy, softhearted, despite being awkward and clumsy.

And then you have Mikasa who reaffirms this. She acknowledges the same thing that Dimo does — that Levi is awkward and maybe imperfect in his own way, BUT he is trustworthy and dependable, and his judgment deserves to be followed without question.

She also uses and mirrors Levi’s usual words of asking others to make a choice. Mikasa could just tell them “Levi is right. We need to follow him.” Instead, she says Levi’s orders are the best option, and asks Connie, Sasha and Jean to MAKE A CHOICE to follow and trust him.

In the end, Levi says he will do anything and everything for even some of humanity to see another day. He doesn’t care if that makes him a bad guy in people’s eyes. Again, his wording is awkward and intense, but all he is saying is that he values protecting others and values the idea of tomorrow — he holds onto hope in his own way.

Now we get into Rivamika. If fast forward Levi were to fall in love with Mikasa or anyone for that matter, I can see this mindset easily playing into that love. He wouldn’t care what he has to do and how that reflects on him if it means he can 1) protect who he loves, and 2) have hope of his loved ones seeing tomorrow. He would go ANY lengths for himself seeing tomorrow; what more someone he loves?

He lives daily thinking the people around him won’t last. He only knows that HE himself will outlive everyone because he’s the strongest. Then there’s Mikasa who rolls in and so happens to be the only person he can rely on not dying because she’s strong as fuck. And he calls upon her all the time. And she’s become his right hand woman.

Like she’s probably the only person he could possibly see living forward. And Mikasa sees him the same way. And now they both have their FULLEST trust in each other to 1) live, and 2) help each other to see tomorrow.

So much that even when everyone was STILL doubting Levi when he ordered them to kill the enemies, Mikasa was the only one who instantly said yes to him.

(In the end, as much confidence as he has in Mikasa, I know his inner demons will always chew at him and convince him that she would tragically die like everyone else in his life.)

Anyway! UGH!!! Levi is just so freaking complex and wonderful and sad and tragic but I’m only realizing how hopeful of a human he secretly is. He says a lot of things but there’s always a layer of care beneath the words.

I’ve been having a lot of fun writing a lot of my ff in his perspective because of things like this. I LOVE LEVI holy shit

[hwascripts]

Masterlist

WC: Unknown

TW: Swearing, mentions of murder, a bit of angst, I think that’s it!

This is heavily unedited because it’s my Levi simp hours and I need Dad!Levi headcanons. Also your kid and Eren’s kid are gender neutral

Levi as a father 

-I honestly don’t picture Levi as someone who planned on having kids but rather someone who ends up having kids by complete accident. Living in the walls during a war is absolute hell and he doesn’t want his kids to suffer the same way he did growing up.

-Whether or not the kid is adopted or his biological kid- it doesn’t matter to him, he couldn’t give less of a shit about the parentage of his kid...if he raises the kid then you better believe it’s his kid.

If your kid is adopted then here’s how I picture you guys becoming their parents

- During one of your expeditions beyond the walls you find (what you think is) an abandoned cabin in the woods. When you point it out Levi just tells you to ignore it and focus on the task Erwin gave you, but you have this weird gut feeling that someone is in there. While Levi is distracted you go off to the cabin and peek inside and to your horror- there is a small child, no older than a few months crying in it’s deceased mothers arms. You run over and pry the crying baby from the mother’s hands and immediately start trying to hush it’s cries

-Levi notices the fact that you’ve left his side after a few minutes of silence and he pinches his nose in frustration- of course you went to check out the cabin he told you to ignore. He flies away from the tree he was perched on and makes his way to the cabin to look for you- upon reaching the cabin his eyes widen from pure shock. Where the hell did you get a crying baby from? he can’t help but be filled with sorrow when he notice’s the child’s dead parents on the ground behind you- bandits had probably murdered them.

-The two of you have a huge argument about what you should do with the orphan child and this results in the two of you not speaking for over a week. But as the week goes on, he realizes that him and that baby are more similar than he thinks. Levi never had a father- the closest father figure in his life being Kenny who abandoned him at a young age, and his dear mother Kuchel who died of sickness when he was just a boy. Both Levi and the child didn’t have parents in their lives, fate cruelly ripping that away from them. He see’s himself in that baby.

-After a week of silence Levi storms into your office only to catch you asleep with the baby on your chest, his heart softens just the slightest bit at the image. He sits next to you and gently shakes you awake- careful to not wake the sleeping baby. Before you can even say anything he quietly states:

-”we’re not abandoning the baby, we can raise them together”

-All the worry and stress you carried melted away after hearing his words.

If your kid was biologically his, this is how I picture it turning out:

-The day Hanji informed you that you were pregnant was quite possibly one of the worst days of your life (sorry to be angsty) how the hell could you have gotten pregnant? the amount of stress, physical strain on your body and sleepless nights is not ideal for fertility- so how the hell did this happen?

-How the hell would you even tell Levi? The topic of children has never once come up and you’re sure he would never want to raise a child in the walls while titans destroy and kill everyone in sight. Besides- the two of you already have enough on your plates as it is.

- You’d tell him straight out that you were pregnant during your nightly tea time before bed, just straight up dropping the news on him. It takes a few seconds for him to fully register what you just told him but once he finally understands he drops his teacup, the boiling hot tea staining his jacket. All he can do is sputter like a fish out of water and aggressively try to clean the stain.

- I’m going to be realistic here- the last thing he would do is jump for joy and kiss you. I hate to be angsty again but realistically he’d probably storm off and go for a walk around the town while he tries to take in the news. I see him unintentionally ignoring you for a few days while he tries to accept the fact that the two of you are bringing a child into this world.

-After about a week he’s finally calmed himself enough to talk to you about the situation and what the best thing for the two of you is. Again, he isn’t happy that you guys are bringing a kid into this- but who the hell would be? but he sure as hell won’t take that out on the kid, he thinks that’s the most pathetic thing you can do as a parent.

-”look, our situation is shitty but I’m not leaving you to raise the brat on your own”

How he is as a father

- I’m not going to lie to you, he is not the type to coddle his kid or show them a lot of affection. To be honest he doesn’t know a single thing about parenting, the only “parent” he had taught him violence and then left Levi to fend for himself- but he does know that most children don’t grow up around violence so he refuses to be even the slightest bit like his uncle Kenny.

- 100% calls his kid brat, ankle-biter, kid...you name it- but he doesn’t mean it in a derogatory way because deep down inside he still has a soft spot for the kid. 

-He rarely ever shows physical affection to the kid because he just doesn’t know how, he never knew the affectionate touch of another human until you came along. That’s not to say that he doesn’t love his kid- he would sacrifice his life without second thought to protect them.

-He doesn’t realize how distant and cold he can be to his kid until he overhears them crying to you about how “daddy doesn’t love me” and his heart just shatters into a million pieces because he DOES love them but for the life of him he just can’t find a way to show it.

-Levi ends up sitting down with the kid and having a conversation that was long overdue (for reference the kid is now 7 years old) and he admits that he loves them more than anything for the first time.

-Your kid just stares at him for a second and blinks because this is the VERY FIRST TIME they’re hearing their dad say I love you- Levi nearly has a heart attack when the kid launches themselves into his chest and starts sobbing.

-For the very first time in 7 years this kid is finally experiencing the love from their father (besides awkward headpats) and the feeling is just so foreign to both of them that even Levi sniffles a little bit

-Levi silently rocks them back and forth while he rubs their back, the child’s sobs turning into soft sniffles. But what Levi says next shocks all three of you.

“I’m sorry for being a terrible father. forgive me little one?”

-You don’t know what shocks you more- the fact he apologized or that he called your child “little one” instead of the usual “brat”. The kid looks at him while wiping their tears away.

“you’re not a bad daddy. I love you papa”

-To this day Levi swears he just had watery eyes because of the dust but you know damn well they were fat tears rolling down his face

-After this incident Levi swears to himself that he’ll be a more affectionate father, a father who tells his kid that he’s proud of them, a father who their kid can rely on.

-He’s tough on his kid and never lets them slack off, he scolds them whenever they make bad choices and sometimes your kid says he’s got a stick up his ass (you lightly scold them but the two of you always end up laughing because it’s true) but your husband deeply cares for your child and does it so they can grow into the best version of themselves.

-Did I mention that he absolutely flips the fuck out when your kid brings home Eren’s kid to introduce you to them? You have to sit on him to make sure that he doesn’t strangle the poor bastard. 

“If that son of a bitch is anything like his father then they’re going home in a bodybag!” “Levi you can’t threaten them just because they’re Eren’s kid!” “Like hell I can’t! nobody is good enough for our child”

-Your kid quickly learns that they can’t bring their significant other home while Levi is there- unless they have a death wish. The two of you team up to keep Levi distracted for a few hours while the couple chills in your living room

-Your kid swears like a sailor (just like their dad) and Levi swears on his life that he’s not the one that taught them that.

“What the hell do you mean? I didn’t do shit! I don’t fucking know where they picked that up from!” *cue you looking into the camera*

-He’s so damn proud when he see’s his kid graduate at the top of their class. He doesn’t scream at the top of his lungs when your kid walks across the stage but he pulls them to the side after and congratulates them with a small smile on his face

“Good job. I’m proud of you, damn brat”

-Gives them one of his rare Levi hugs and the kid nearly drops the diploma in shock because “wtf dad never hugs me”

-You have to pinch his side multiple times during your kid and Eren’s kids wedding because he won’t shut the hell up with snarky remarks

“Say no goddamnit!” *you pinch him* 

“Ow son of a bitch! what the fuck Y/n?”

 “Would you shut the hell up and be happy for our child on their wedding day?!” 

“I would if our child had taste and picked someone el- OW FUCK!” 

“Shut the fuck up already and behave, Levi!”

-He grumbles while the rest of the former cadets and captains laugh at his sour look

Silly headcanons

-God could you imagine Levi and your kid sitting at the dinner table, it’s almost midnight and they’re arguing over a homework question neither of them understand. This is the night both of you hear your kid swear

“What the hell is this shit? Improper fractions are made-up bullshit”

“If you don’t know then how the fuck am I suppose to know?”

-It’s so silent you can hear a pin drop

“Levi come here for a second”

“Shit...finish this while I’m gone, brat”

-Your kid laughs their ass off while you pull Levi’s ear and drag him to your shared room

‘Yeah keep fucking laughing at your dad, brat!”

“LEVI!”

-An absolute nightmare when it comes to cleaning oh my god both you and your kid wanna kill him sometimes

“This shit isn’t clean, you wipe it down six times and then place it at an angle”

“Levi it’s a fucking T.V. Remote”

-The war ended years ago now and he tells your kid about all the titans he killed and the ass he kicked

“And then I sliced that ugly bastard titan’s head clean off!”

“Levi for someone who’s a clean freak your stories sure are gross”

-The noise the toaster makes when it’s done scares the shit out of him. He’ll be in the middle of scolding your kid and then he jumps because the toaster is done and your kid just thinks it’s comedic gold

“I fucking told you not to do that shit but you went and did it anyways, do you know how irresponsi-FUCK! damn toaster- Hey stop laughing brat I’m not done yet!”

That’s all I’ve got for now- stay tuned

[inomios]

Eight types of love II Levi Ackerman

Summary: “There are eight types of love, and even though his life has been full of pain since the very beginning, he could say he experienced them all.”

Genre: Angst and Fluff

Word count: + 5k

Author note: This is the first thing I’ve ever published and I’m really nervous, so I would really appreciate if you reblogged, liked and commented. Also, English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for any mistakes. Constructive criticism is really appreciated.

                                                           . . . . 

1. AGAPE or Selfless love

           His mother would tell him everyday that she loved him with everything she had, even though it was not a lot. He asked his mother what love was, what meant loving someone. She couldn’t explain it with exact words, she would tell him that love meant caring deeply for someone, even more than for yourself. She loved him and he loved her, that much was true. He asked if he could love more than one person, his mom told him that yes, you could love many people in your life and in different ways. Then, he proceeded to ask if she had ever loved anyone else besides him, she was quiet, like she was thinking the right answer and after a few minutes she said that she had or at least she thought she did, but she had never loved someone as much as she loved him. Love was a confusing thing for him and the more he asked, the more unclear it got.

          The only thing he was sure of was that the only thing she loved was her mother. However, curious as he was, he would ask her questions about it all the time.

         ‘Is love the best thing in the world?’ 

        ‘Yes, Levi, it is the only thing that makes life worth it.’

        ‘Is love always good?’ 

       ‘Not always, sometimes it makes you sad.’

       ‘I don’t wanna be sad. I won’t love anyone else but you.’ 

      ‘You can’t choose who you love, sweetie.’

      ‘Love sucks.’ 

     ‘You will get it when you grow up.’

     ‘I’m already a grown-up.’

     He tried to get it, but he couldn’t. He prided himself of being smart, his mom would always tell him that he was really clever and witty for his age. Then, how come he wasn’t able to understand love. It was just a four-letter word: L-O-V-E, it couldn’t have such a deep meaning. ‘Door’ had also four letters and it wasn’t hard to understand and ‘Scandalous’, pretty much the biggest word for him, had ten letters and he knew what it meant, he could even use it in a phrase.

      His mom, noticing that he was about to collapse trying to figure out what has love, tried to come up with the best possible definition, one that would please his five-year old son.

    ‘Love is a selfless thing. Love means giving everything you have, to make the other person happy and content, even though you may not get back all you give. When you love someone, you only what the best for them. It can cause you pain too but loving someone and being loved back is one of the best things we can experience as humans. We may not have a lot, Levi, but we have each other and more important, we love one another and that makes us privileged.’

     He understood it then, kind of, so the questions stopped.

     However, when his mother’s body laid lifeless in bed, he regretted not making one last question: ‘if you died, do you think anyone would ever love me, mom?’

     Later, when he was under Kenny’s wing and after Kenny had left him at his own, he soon found an answer: no one would.

2. PHILIA or Affectionate love

           After his mother’s death, after Kenny, after everything, he thought that love was out of his reach, something he could never have again. Then Isabel and Farlan happened.

           Every single day since his mother died, he would ask himself if he would love again and if someone would love him back. However, at the same time, he wanted to know nothing about love, love brought pain and he had already suffered enough for a lifetime. He sometimes thought that he had an emptiness inside, a big hole where his heart should be, a room so big that no one could ever fill.

           After his mom came Kenny, but he was sure he did not love him, at least not like he had loved his mother, and he was sure as hell Kenny did not love him back. Love was supposed to be selfless and caring and Kenny was selfish and did not give a damn about him, he proved him that when he left him alone, again.

           Loneliness was a feeling he was already used to but being used to it didn’t mean he liked it. Then again, who would be dumb enough to love him? And he knew better than to love someone who would end up leaving him, like his mother did, like Kenny did.

           Well, maybe he did love Kenny, but loving him was painful. While loving his mother was sweet, freeing and it brought him solace and comfort; loving Kenny was toxic and tough, when he thought about it, it troubled him. He gave him a home and he taught him how to survive in the Underground, he didn’t know why, but he raised him, and Kenny never did something freely, he was sure something was missing there, but he didn’t know what. It was stupid of him to think that he cared about him, but a little white lie never hurt anyone. Loving Kenny, seeing him as the paternal figure he never had, filled him with turmoil and changed the way he perceived love.

           Love was weakness, it could bring you to your knees, he had learned that. It was pointless, why would you commit to something that would inevitably bring you sorrow? He wasn’t about to make the same mistake again, he knew better, the only person who would stay with him was himself and that wasn’t about to change.

           Then Isabel and Farlan walked into his life. Well, Farlan walked, Isabel stumbled.

           They became family. He knew better but he couldn’t help it. They were thick as thieves, literally. Suddenly, they became the family he yearned for since his mother died. He loved them with everything he had. Loving them was selfless as his mother said, he wanted the best for them, he wanted to see them happy, no matter the price. However, it was a different kind of love, it was pure affection. It wasn’t the adoration he had for his mother, nor the rage he felt for Kenny. It was tender and sweet, he never had a brother or a close friend to care about while growing up, but he thought it was supposed to feel like that, it had to be like that. It had to be another type of love. His mother told him that love was never the same, it had different shapes and, for him, at that moment love had Isabel and Farlan’s shape.

           Sadly, nothing good lasts forever, at least not for him. Love causes pain and brings you to your knees, he shouldn’t have forgotten that. When he saw Isabel’s head laying on the floor surrounded by a puddle of her own blood, mouth agape, eyes wide open and pale face, he fell to his knees. He saw a supercut of him, Isabel and Farlan, all the good times, all the laughs they shared and all the stories they still had to write but they would never be able to do because they weren’t there, not anymore, they were gone like his mother, like Kenny. He was alone again.

           Love always brought him to his knees and he would never forget it again. He wasn’t made for love; the same way love wasn’t made for him.

3. LUDUS or Playful love

           Meeting you happened out of pure coincidence, being in the right place at the wrong time.

           He had come from a long mission and he was completely and utterly fine, seriously, but Hange loved to make a big deal out of everything. Well, maybe he had an injury, but a minor one, nothing that he couldn’t take care of himself. He spent years in the Underground, he didn’t need a doctor, he could stitch himself up and place his bones back in place. However, Hange didn’t think the same and was nagging him about getting his injuries checked, so there he was, in one of the infirmary’s bed, waiting for the head doctor.

           It wasn’t that he was scared of doctors or “hospitals”, he just didn’t like the idea of some stranger touching him or feeling hopeless and powerless, he didn’t like feeling like he needed help or advice, he could do it pretty much on his own. But Hange didn’t really trust his medical abilities and he knew that arguing with her was pointless.

           ‘Doctor Brunner couldn’t come since he is busy with some paperwork, so he sent me. I’m his trainee y/n y/ln.’ 

           ‘I’m not letting some failed attempt of medic treat my wounds.’

           It wasn’t what people would call a ‘meet cute’ moment, it was more like a ‘meet jerk’. He wasn’t the best dealing with people, nor that he wanted to be, he preferred it that way. If you had been any other person, you wouldn’t have bitten back, but you had a sharp tongue and weren’t scared of him. That was probably what drew him in, he was so used to people recoiling in fear when they saw him that having someone that actually fought back was quite alluring.

           ‘Well, this failed attempt of a doctor knows more than you ever will, so act your age, stop being a bitch and let me tend your injuries.’

           ‘You have some nerve talking to me like that.’ 

           ‘You have some nerve coming to my workplace to insult me.’

           During that first encounter none of you said much to each other. He wasn’t fond on talking and you didn’t like his attitude, so you didn’t try to strike a conversation. He had to admit that you were good at you job, you tended him with care and you knew what you were doing, not that he would tell you, at least not yet.

           ‘Well, not so bad for a failed attempt of a doctor.’

           It was the closest thing to a compliment he could say, and it looked like you knew, because he swears that he saw you smile a little.

           ‘Aren’t you a pleasure to work with? The injury in your arm was pretty nasty and poorly treated, so luckily for you, you will have to drop by more times to check on you. These are my hours, if you want this failed attempt of a doctor to treat you, Captain. I could get used to see your friendly face now and then.’

           He didn’t know if the last part was supposed to be interpreted as flirting, but he did come back to visit you, to keep an eye of his injury, obviously. However, if you asked Hange, she would say that you had caught his eye, he still says that at that point in your relationship you annoyed him too much to find himself interested in you.

           His weekly visits turned into daily visits, so much for not liking you.

           ‘I’m starting to think I’ve managed to catch your attention, Captain.’ 

          ‘Tch, you’re just less annoying than the rest of the brats.’ 

          ‘Oh Captain, you really know how to make me blush.’

           He lied. You did catch his attention and you both knew it. It wasn’t love, not at all, it was a gentle curiosity that grew a little bit every day, like a flower blossoming.

           ‘Tch, you only know to say shit with that mouth of yours.’ 

           ‘This mouth of mine knows to do a lot of things, want me show you, Captain?’

           ‘When you return from the expedition, you have to come to the infirmary to see your wounds and stop playing the hero, it’s bullshit.’ 

            ‘I’m starting to think you may have an obsession for doing check-ups on me, brat.’ 

           ‘You caught me, I only do them because I can’t keep my hands of you, Captain.’

         ‘Why do you always call me Captain? It’s annoying, I’m not your superior.’

        ‘I know, but I like teasing you with it, Captain.’

        He cared for you more than he cared for other people in his life, he liked being with you, maybe that was another type of love. Loving his mother was selfless; loving Isabel and Farlan was affectionate; loving you, or whatever the hell he was felling, was playful, flirty and it filled him with joy.

       Maybe it wasn’t love, but it was getting there.

4. MANIA or Obsessive love

           Your relationship was frustrating everybody, absolutely every single person that knew about you two, everybody knew you had feelings for each other but none of you did something about it, you just kept tiptoeing around each other. It was painful to see. They didn’t know if you were oblivious, stupid, scared or if you were just messing with them, Hange believed the latter one because there was no way you two weren’t together already. The banter, the flirty remarks, the way he looked out for you and the way you took care of him.

           ‘What’s going on with you and y/n, Shorty?’ 

           ‘You tell me, Four-eyes’

           ‘Tell me the truth, y/n. Are you and Levi dating and just keeping it as a secret? Because I’m losing my mind.’ 

           ‘We aren’t dating, Hange.’

           To be honest, Levi was losing his mind too. The playful game turned into something more serious, something more obsessive and he didn’t like it. He couldn’t stop thinking about you and what were you doing while he was busy with paperwork. On missions his mind wandered about your wellbeing and if you were fine. He couldn’t ignore the way his heartbeat became erratic whenever you were close to him or the way he would notice every single thing about you. He felt powerless, there was no way to stop it.

           He, who always had a plan and knew to do, was helpless under something he could have prevented, or at least something he think he could have avoided. Deep down he knew that he would have fallen for you one way or another, some things are bound to happen, and love is one of them, but he didn’t want to admit that something as mundane as love could outpower him in his own life.

           He was aware of how you felt about him, you weren’t scared to be vocal about it and it drove him mad, and by the way his stoic eyes would gleam and glisten while looking at you, you were certain it was mutual. He knew that if he said the word or gave you signal, you’d be his and he’d be yours, but he couldn’t give you what you wanted, and it was a matter of time before you got tired of him. You were young and beautiful, one the most outstanding creatures he had ever seen, you could do better than him and you’d realize soon enough. Life was too short to waste it on him.

           ‘What are you waiting for, Levi? Do something about it because it’s getting painful to watch.’ 

           ‘Get off my fucking case, Four-eyes.’

           Everyone was waiting for him to do something, but he couldn’t. In those moments he remembered the question he wasn’t able to ask his mother: ‘if you died, do you think anyone would ever love me, mom?’ His mother loved him, and she died, just like Isabel and Farlan, he couldn’t love you, because he’ll end up losing you, the same way he lost everyone else.

           He was loveless.

           But you weren’t, and you found someone to do what he couldn’t do, someone to love you like you deserved.

           He didn’t know a lot about them. You looked happier and that was all he cared about. He thought that seeing you with another person would calm his heart and his desires, but they only got worse, there was no way of forgetting about you. You were everywhere.

           ‘C’mon Levi, do something.’ 

          ‘Didn’t I tell you to drop it, Hange?’

           His visits stopped but you kept waiting for him, hoping he would come to his senses. You didn’t get it, you really didn’t. He had the opportunity, he could have taken the chance to be with you, but he didn’t, so you moved on, or tried to, you didn’t love your partner, but you could see yourself falling in love with them. However, you still missed Levi, not as a potential lover, but as a friend. The way he erased you from his life as you were nothing broke your heart. What did he want from you?

           He wanted everything. He wanted all of you and yet he couldn’t do anything about it. He was just frozen in time while you kept moving. He met your partner, they came to visit you once, they were gentle and loving, they looked at you like you were the brightest star in the firmament. They held your hand and kissed your lips. They did all the things he wanted to do. He was jealous, but he didn’t have the right to say something, he had never had the right.

           The way he looked at you made you feel guilty, like you were betraying him, and you were so confused and annoyed and angry and mad, and you really wanted to punch him in the face. So, you went to his room that night and stormed in.

           ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ 

           ‘I should be asking that, I’m not the one barging in someone else’s room with no previous invitation.’

           He had never seen you like that, so mad and full of rage and it was all directed to him and he knew it was his fault.

           ‘What do you want of me, Levi?’

           He wanted everything.

           He wanted you.

           ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. Could you please stop making me lose my time?’

           He saw it in your face, that was the last straw.

           ‘You’re selfish, an asshole, a prick and a lot of other things. But above it all, you’re a fucking coward, so much for Humanity’s Strongest. For fucks sake, Levi, I loved you, I still do, but I can’t keep waiting for someone who is too scared to do something about it. I want you and you want me too. What’s stopping you?’

           He remembered again, the question he never had the chance to ask: ‘if you died, do you think anyone would ever love me, mom?’

           You loved him and you weren’t scared of it. But he was, and you were about to leave the room. You turned your back on him and it was now or never. He had to choose: would he let you walk away definitely of his life or would he do something?

           For once, he didn’t think, he didn’t listen to his head, he listened to his heart. For so long he made himself believe that he didn’t have a heart, but his heart was right there, beating for you.

           He kissed you and you kissed him back.

           ‘Mine.’ 

          ‘Yours.’

5. EROS or Passionate love

           You both were private people, you didn’t want people talking about your relationship during its first stages, what you had was precious and new and you wanted to protect it from the world a little longer. That’s why no one really knew about the whole ordeal, well, they knew that something had shifted because you could be in the same room without making everyone uncomfortable with your unsolved issues, but they couldn’t pinpoint what had exactly changed, they just guessed that you sorted everything out, finally.

           However, Hange did know what changed. She prided herself on knowing Levi, after many years working with him she had learned that Levi only talked through his body language, so she started paying attention to what his body said instead of listening to the words he spewed. Therefore, when she asked him if he was dating you and he said a short no, he knew he was lying. She noticed how he seemed more at ease, how you had broken up with your partner, the way he would gravitate towards you and that when he looked at you, his eyes weren’t filled with longing and remorse, they were shinier and less cold than usual. So, she obviously knew that something was up, but she kept quiet. She may talk way too much, and people could find her annoying, but at the end of the day she was a good friend, and she would respect that neither of you wanted to make things public.

           Keeping things private was harder than he originally thought, he was distant and cold to everyone, but he couldn’t be cold and distant with you when you made him burn inside and he could only think about holding you close. It was weird for him, he had spent so many years deprived of touch that he couldn’t imagine himself getting addicted to it, but he was wrong, so wrong.

           You knew that Levi was touch starved, you didn’t need to be a genius to notice. When you picked up his body language and started hearing about his childhood, everything came together: his mother died when he was very young, the most paternal figure he had was toxic and abusive to him and since Isabel and Farlan he didn’t let anyone in easily. Levi wasn’t used to someone doting him and you knew that if you started showering him with affection, it would probably scare him off a little, and that was the last thing you wanted. So, you started slowly: holding hands, gentle caresses, kisses in his cheek, hugs, light pecks on the lips and when you saw that he started getting more comfortable, things started scaling on their own, you let him mark the pace. It wasn’t a quick process, but it was worth it.

           After a few months, Levi couldn’t keep his hands of you and he surely didn’t want you to keep your hands off him. This was a new kind of love, at first, on the early stages of your relationship it was playful, but then it evolved into something more passionate: quick pecks turned into open mouthed kisses; holding hands innocently turned into holding you close while you came undone under him again and again; kisses now went lower and lower, exploring new parts of you that he hadn’t seen and that no one else would. He didn’t think that touch could mean so much to him, but it did now, and he knew that couldn’t ever go back to a touchless life where you wouldn’t be there to love him.

6. PHILAUTIA or Self-love

          He wasn’t neither deaf, blind or stupid. He could hear what people had to say about your relationship, how you deserved better than him; he could see his reflection on the mirror and how he wasn’t beautiful, at least not as much as you, he wasn’t the male that would make people swoon and he knew that you could have any man or female you wanted, but you chose him, out of every other person, you decided to be with him. He was a lucky bastard and you didn’t make good decisions, what a match.

           You would look at him like he held the stars in the sky, and you would touch him like he was about to disappear in any moment, as if he were a dream you were afraid to wake up from. He didn’t get why him, he wasn’t the most handsome, nor the nicest, nor the easiest to love, and you still decided to keep him around. He liked to think that he was smart or cleverer than the average, and yet he couldn’t grasp his head around that the fact you loved him and just him, and that was it, it was as simple as that.

           Whenever you heard the things people said about your partner, you went feral, because you knew all those comments fueled the self-hate Levi had. Being loveless for so long it obviously affected the perception he had of himself and you wanted to change that, because he deserved it, he deserved all the happiness in this dull world. He liked to play strong, but you saw through him, and even though he never acted upon them, it hurt him. You wished he could see himself through you eyes, because it caused you pain the mere idea of him thinking less of himself, that he wasn’t worthy of your love.

           You would tell him every day how much you loved him, as if you were reciting a prayer to your own god.

           ‘I love you.’

           ‘You’re beautiful.’

           ‘I could stare at you for the rest of my life.’

           ‘I don’t know what I would do without you.’

           You would tell him that he needed to love himself, see the good inside of him, he guessed that that was one the types of love he had yet to discover: self-love. He didn’t see himself capable of loving himself nearly the half of how much you loved him.

           ‘You know one reason why you should love yourself, because you make me the happiest I’ve ever been.’

              He didn’t love himself, not yet, but if he was able to make you smile like that, he couldn’t be that unworthy of you.

7. STORGE or Familiar love

              He had been avoiding love for as long as he could remember, and then you burst into his life with the force of a typhoon. Love had found him, and he couldn’t get away, you never can, it was a lesson that he had finally accepted.

             For so long he saw love as something unnecessary, a burden for the soul. Love ruins you, it stabs you on the back, whenever he let his walls down, love would always take advantage of it and destroy him, bringing him closer to insanity, he had lost himself too many times by loving people and when he met you, he did not want the cycle to repeat itself. He didn’t want more Kuchels, Kennys, Isabels and Farlans, love was merciless, and he wasn’t interested in it, at least that was what he told to himself every day, that he was better off alone. Was all the pain worth it? He thought love came with a high price and he couldn’t afford it. However, things change, life happens, destiny has always something in the store, well, in his case he had someone.

           You were his everything, the beacon that brought light in his life, for so long he had been lost, walking amongst shadows, nearly becoming one, and when you appeared you changed the rules of the game, of his game. Every wall he had built around himself came down and you filled every gap his heart was missing. It was the scariest thing he had ever done, letting you in, letting someone in, giving someone else the control of his own heart. You knew the power you held between your hands and you never abused it. You were his solace in this mad world, the oasis in the middle of the desert.

         Loving him was not easy, he knew it, he was rude, sharp, too closed off, mean, he was what people liked to call a ‘fucking jerk’ and yet you never gave up on him, on what you had. Instead of leaving when you had the chance, you stayed through thick and thin: through sleepless nights, through his bad moods and grumpiness, through his biting remarks… .You didn’t ran way, you were too stubborn for that, instead you taught him more forms of love.

         You were all of the ones he knew and more.

         You were selfless, giving him every part of you and loving him with everything you had to offer.

         You were his best friend, his companion, the better half of him.

         You were playful, joyous, probably the only thing that could make him smile and bring him happiness.

         You were consuming, like a fire burning inside of him.

         You were passionate, intoxicating.

         You were every form of love he had ever experienced, but nothing could have ever prepared him for the kind of love he was experiencing in that moment: the familiar one. The one you feel when you hold your newborn in your trembling hands. It was something he couldn’t describe, there weren’t words for it, he tried to, but he failed every single time.

         This was the way his mom loved him, and then he knew how much he had meant for his own mother. While holding little Kuchel on his arms, he remembered all those days and nights on that dirty brothel, all the hours he spent by his mother’s side, how she would do everything to give him the best life and he soon realized there was nothing in this world he wouldn’t do for his daughter. It wasn’t the best of times to have a child, but in that moment, in that precise instant, when Kuchel opened her grey eyes, he was sure of one thing: he would tear everything and everyone down only to see her smile.

        A knock on the door. Another one. Two minutes passed and then Hange, followed by Erwin, entered in the room.

       ‘Tch, Shitty-glasses, who gave you permission to come in?’ 

       ‘My authority as a god-mother.’

       ‘Don’t make me regret it.’

      ‘She’s beautiful, what’s her name?’ 

     ‘Her name is Kuchel.’

     Kuchel was his new world, he loved her so much that it was overwhelming, he would never love someone as much as he loved her, and no one would probably love with the same devotion Levi Ackerman loved his daughter.

    ‘You know, Kuchel, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I promise you that you will have the best life a man like me can give you. I may be a little cold, perhaps a little strict and you will probably get mad at me sometimes, but no matter what happens, I will love you through everything. And by the way, no dating until I’m dead because no brat will be good enough for you. You deserve the world Kuchel and I’ll give you everything it has to offer. Things may get hard, you aren’t born in the best circumstances, but I’ll protect you because you deserve the life I couldn’t live.’

     Kuchel’s first word was ‘dadda’.

     Kuchel’s first steps were pointed towards his father.

     Kuchel’s favorite pastime was being in his father’s arms.

     Kuchel could only sleep after his father had kissed her forehead.

     And Kuchel would never love someone as much as he loved his father, because she loved him as much as he loved her.

8. PRAGMA or Enduring love

           He was old and wrinkly, he was scarred, mutilated and there were days he couldn’t sleep because the nightmares were too real. But he was happy, he was married to the most beautiful and special person he had ever met, he had a loving daughter, a bunch of brats he was proud to call grandchildren and the tea shop he had always dreamed about.

           Life hadn’t been fair to him. He had lost so many people he cared about, he had fought a war and he had had the weight of the world on his shoulders. But, after all, after the tortures, the adversities, the deaths… He had people who loved and whom he loved.

          Love was worth it. He had finally learned that.

          At his seventies he found out about the last kind of love, the enduring, the one that lasts and survives in time. He loved his family above everything, and he would love them long after his bones turn into ashes and no one remembers his name.

         Then he recalled that question he never got to ask his mother: ‘if you died, do you think anyone would ever love me, mom?’

         He looked at the sky and smiled.

        ‘After all someone was fool enough to love me mom, who would have thought?’

         A gentle breeze caressed his skin and a single tear fell from his eye.

        ‘I guess that’s the way you have of answering the question.’

[garc-i-a]

Why JATP Is Taking a While to Get Officially Renewed

Thought I would put my thoughts into words on the renewal situation. We know that the show was released on Netflix on September 10, 2020. As of today, it has been 242 days (10 May 2021). Julie and the Phantoms was released under Netflix Family, marking it as a children’s show on the streaming service. It was released in the middle of the second wave of the coronavirus (in the US) that has swept the world over. The show was created by Kenny Ortega, legendary choreographer and director.

To start off, we have to acknowledge that we ARE in a pandemic. Due to that, things have been touch and go in so many industries. That includes the TV/Film industry as well. The US and Canada, the two countries involved in making the show, have to follow the rules and laws related to COVID regardless of what people in the industry want. With that, we have to pay attention to what is going on with the pandemic to know how to go about filming. 

As of right now, Canada still has closed borders from the US to nonessential travel. To get into Canada as a foreigner you have to be going for a specific reason and follow all the Covid related travel rules. To read more about this, you can go to canada.ca and type in for traveling during the pandemic. Not to mention that for a lot of areas in Canada, they are still essentially in lockdown because of the now rising numbers in the country. Charlie’s home province of New Brunswick is still pretty restricted. 

Regarding vaccinations, although the United States has been slowly getting people vaccinated, Canada has had issues with getting vaccinations and don’t nearly have as many vaccinated. It is only just a few days ago that New Brunswick started administering vaccinations in the last few days. The vaccinations are only for people who are 50+ who fall into specific medical condition guidelines. For British Columbia, where the show is filmed, vaccines started getting administered the third week of April. It is believed there is a chance of getting all* adults vaccinated by mid June. My source for this information is from a native New Brunswicker and a CTV News article.

For the cast, getting vaccinated is paramount. Owen is already vaccinated. Madison’s dad is also vaccinated so it is likely she is as well or part way there. Now for people who are NOT vaccinated yet, most vaccines are administered in two doses. The doses are done about three weeks apart (I am partially vaccinated and my first dose was already done and second is next week). This knowledge is important as people need to be aware of the timing of these things. The amount of time between vaccines and for everyone in the cast and crew is essential for everything to go smoothly with filming.

One of the big things that I have seen a lot is the outrage at other shows on Netflix being renewed before Julie and the Phantoms. There is a two fold answer to this. To start off, we have to remember that because of this pandemic, things take longer to process to be extra diligent and that more money is be used to cover for reconstructions and accommodations due to Covid. Knowing these two things, let’s delve into the renewals of other shows.

Some of the other shows that have been renewed are Fate: The Winx Saga, Bridgerton, Ginny and Georgia, and Emily in Paris. The big difference between these shows and Julie and the Phantoms is the fact they are not in the Netflix Family category. They are considered content for adults or young adults. Netflix has different rules on their shows that are put out on the regular platform versus the family section. Netflix Family rarely posts when a show is renewed so far from its premiere date for the next season. So in that respect, Julie and the Phantoms wouldn’t be given a huge announcement for the next season’s renewal if it follows the pattern of Netflix Family’s marketing.

Tying into this the matter of where the rest of the shows are filmed and the backing behind them in regards to production. The Winx show and Bridgerton are filmed in the UK, Ginny and Georgia is filmed in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and Emily in Paris is filmed on location in France. The reason that this matters is because these places have different rules for working during this pandemic, the vaccinations levels, and the threat of getting sick from Covid. These shows are also connected to larger properties or influential individuals*. Vancouver is a popular city to film in, of course, but it has been dealing with an uptick in cases as well as in a different province than Ginny and Georgia, and as such has their own rules. We cannot take into the likes of Riverdale or other shows that are filming right now in Vancouver. Lots of these shows were renewed and set to film already when the pandemic hit. They do not factor into things.

The last part of this is the production costs for making the show. As mentioned before, Vancouver is a popular city to film in. Due to the pandemic, it costs more to film because the need to have extra precautions, regular Covid testing, and etc. We know that there were shows that were initially renewed by Netflix but then canceled after the fact. The reason for this is that Netflix likely realized the cost to produce the shows would be too much and not in the best interest of the cast, crew, and any companies involved in the middle of such a huge reaching pandemic.

Compared to other shows in the Netflix Family section, Julie and the Phantoms has a high production level. I did some research on the Netflix originals in the section and the shows on there are either very low budget or have a backing from a franchise/company (ex. Baby Boss, Fast and Furious, Jurassic Park). Julie and the Phantoms does not have that. It is not connected to an established franchise or a large company. It is simply made by the likes of Kenny Ortega who does not skimp on anything in his productions. Kenny has stated that he is not willing to let the grandness of the show suffer because of the pandemic. The show has many crowd scenes and dancing sequences that require a lot of people. The show won’t be what it is without this. Based on this, we know that Netflix wants to be absolutely sure they can go forth with filming before announcing a renewal.

And there you guys go. All the information that I looked into and checked for this piece. I hope this helps many people understand what is going on why it is taking longer for the show to get renewed. It is not that Netflix doesn’t want to renew it. It is a matter of HOW and WHEN. If that makes sense. If you have any questions about what I wrote, you can leave a comment or DM me.

all*- Some individuals may not wish to be vaccinated

influential individuals*- There are people connected to some of the shows that have a standing within the media and the finances or awards to warrant being a part of the show or it being made at all.

Amendment

I was informed by my source in New Brunswick that vaccines have been administered since January but the qualification for who is eligible for the vaccines can change from week to week.

Amendment 2

Reuters has reported that children aged 12-15 are able to start getting the vaccine today (13 May 2021). So that means that Jadah and Sonny (15 and 13, respectively) will be fully vaccinated by the middle of June.

Amendment 3

A few days ago a local upstate New York newspaper wrote about Canada starting the process of opening up borders again. The process is in the beginning stages so there is no announced date(s) on the border reopening but it is in the works.

Amendment 4

A show called Firefly Lane has been renewed for a season 2. This is important because Firefly Lane is filmed in the same area of British Columbia as Julie and the Phantoms. British Columbia is getting better in regards to vaccinations and so this proves good news of a season 2 announcement for Julie and the Phantoms.

Amendment 5

It was reported on 21 or 22 June 2021 that Canada will relax quarantine rules for vaccinated Canadian citizens, permanent residents, and foreign nationals for essential work. This new system will go into effect 5 June 2021. If you are fully vaccinated and pass rules set by the government, you will NOT have to abide by the hotel quarantine steps when entering the country. That means that the JATP cast and crew can get to filming right away instead of quarantining beforehand. To read more about this: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.lonelyplanet.com/amp/articles/canada-border-reopening

Amendment 6

On Charlie’s live yesterday (28 June 2021), Madison said that she got the second dose of the vaccine earlier in the day. In 14 days, she will be good to go on going out and such. Hopefully Jadah and Sonny have gotten at least their first dose. Gets us closer to being able to have the cast and crew together for the show.

Amendment 7

The National Law Review published an article on 2 July 2021 saying that fully vaccinated individuals will be able to travel between Canada and the US on 21 July or possibly sooner. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau says he wants 75% of Canadians to be fully vaccinated before allowing the border to be opened. With current numbers, it is believed this will be achieved in a few weeks time.

Amendment 8

The New York Times just reported that fully vaccinated Americans could be allowed into Canada by mid August and that people from other countries could be allowed to enter by September.

Amendment 9

It was just reported about two hours ago that Canada will allow vaccinated Americans in on 9 August. That is exactly 3 weeks from now on a Monday. Now all we have to focus on is protocols for safety while in Vancouver while filming.

[tomorrow-and-tomorrows]

SNK 139.5: Towards the Final Pages with no Final Answers

The final pages of the updated ending are bold, but I think ultimately more evocative than the original preliminary ending.

Even after the intensely polarized reader reception that took issue with the lack of storytelling precision and clarity when it was most needed, SNK chose to end with a decisively ambiguous symbol. In literature, a symbol is something that clearly means something -- but with the most "literary" symbols, their meaning cannot be absolutely defined; any attempted answer as to what a symbol represents has no finality or certainty, and interpretation will remain ever open to debate. A symbol both invites and resists interpretation.

Naturally, the immediate response to the symbolic tree on the final page is to try answering the invitation to the question, "What does it mean?"

One prominent answer I've seen is that it symbolizes the continuation of the cycle of war and violence either because a) of the symbolic parallel to Ymir or b) on a more literal level, that it implies the actual potential revival of new era of Titans. A reasonable interpretation either way, but also, I think, an incomplete one.

The first reason for this is that "the endless cycle of war" was already clearly and powerful represented in the preceding panels:

The cycle of war was already continuing in the decades or centuries before the child arrived at the tree. A culminating image symbolizing the persistence or resurgence of an era of war as the final panel would thus arguably be redundant and unnecessary.

Furthermore, the chapter is entitled "Toward the Tree on That Hill." If the tree were simply a symbol of war, by implication the chapter could equally be called 'toward the endless cycle of war'. But such a relentlessly bleak and tonally flat ending sentiment would be firmly incongruous with the story's recurrent conviction in the equal cruelty and beauty of the world -- a conviction that I believe it has been faithful to all the way to its end.

The Long Defeat

But while on this topic of war, let's linger a moment on the "cruelty" side and the consequence of this wordless construction and subsequent destruction of a city -- the most bold and possibly controversial additional panels that are also my personal favourite additions.

One objection that has emerged against this brief sequence of Paradis' apparent destruction is that it renders the entire story to be "pointless". Eren's 80% Rumbling, Armin's diplomatic peace talks between the remnants of the Allied Nations and Paradis, and before that, the proposal of the 50-year plan and Zeke's euthanasia plan... everything, to the very beginning to the Survey Corps' dreams of some kind of freedom; was it all for nothing? All that striving, that hope, that final promise bestowed upon Armin: was it all a pointless story? Even more radically, is the story suggesting that Eren might as well have continued the Rumbling to 100% of the earth? Was Zeke's euthanasia plan the cruel but correct choice all along? What was the point of rejecting the 50-year plan if that had a greater chance of success at preventing this outcome?

I think Isayama suddenly pulling back to such a long-term view of history to the scale of decades or even centuries into the future calls for a reorientation in attitude towards exactly what kind of story we have been reading. Yes, if the metric is Paradis' survival, maybe it was indeed all "pointless". But that's also to say that, on the broadest scale, SNK is a story about futility, that it is a deliberate representation of the struggle to make one's actions historically meaningful.

In the long view of history, all the events, from Grisha running beyond the wall to see the airships and the first breaking of Wall Maria to Erwin's sacrifices, Paradis' discovery of the outside world, and finally to the Battle of Heaven and Earth, it would all merely be a handful of chapters in the history textbooks of the future. A future in which war and geopolitical conflict will continue even without Titans. That does not mean that all paths to the future are equal -- the 50-year plan would not have put an end to Titans, and Zeke's euthanasia plan distorts utilitarian ethics into just another form of oppression; there are better and worse decisions that lead to more and less degrees of suffering, but no decision can ever be the final one.

The additional panels remind us that in history, there never exists a singular "Final Solution". The reason there are readers who vehemently support Eren to have flattened 100% of the world, and the reason the Paradisians supported the oppressive, authoritarian, proto-fascist Jaegar Faction under Floch and even after the Rumbling, is that because they want to believe that a Final Solution to end conflict exists and will work. They resist the fundamental uncertainty and complexity of the situation, instead preferring a singular, unified, and coherent Answer to Paradis' struggle to survive. I'm reminded of the scholar Erich Auerbach's theorization of why fascism appealed to many people during periods of political and social crisis, change, and uncertainty. Writing in exile after fleeing Nazi Germany, he observed that:

"The temptation to entrust oneself to a sect which solved all problems with a single formula, whose power of suggestion imposed solidarity, and which ostracized everything which would not fit in and submit - this temptation was so great that, with many people, fascism hardly had to employ force when the time came for it to spread through the countries of old European culture." (from Mimesis p. 550)

This acutely describes the Jaegar Faction's rise to power and continued dominance in Paradis. But their promise of unity, of a single formula to wipe out the rest of the world either literally through the Rumbling, or to dominate them with military force, is a false one. Even if Eren had Rumbled 100% of the world instead of 80%, history would still go on. The external threat of the world may have been eliminated, but internal conflict and violence would still continue onward throughout the generations born on top of the blood of the rest of the world. Needless to say, out of all the options, Eren's 80% Rumbling is the very epitome of perpetuating the cycle of violence as it creates tens of thousands of war orphans like Eren once was, and it would justify employing violence for one's own self-interest to an extreme degree. For the generations to come that would valourize Eren as a hero, it would set a dangerous precedent for what degree of destruction is acceptable for self-defence -- nothing short of the attempt to flatten the entire world. It is no surprise that Paradis would meet a violent end when its founding one-party rule of the Jaegar Faction has their roots in such unapologetically bloody foundations.

Neither the 80% Rumbling nor the militaristic, ultra-nationalistic Jaegar faction that come to govern Paradis are glamourized as the "correct" solution to ensuring Paradis' future. (This can also put to rest any accusations of SNK's ending as "fascist" or "imperialist" propaganda, since the island's modern nation that they founded ends in war. All nations must fall eventually, but not all do in such blatant destruction). Importantly, neither is Armin's diplomatic mission naively idealized as that which permanently achieves world peace. No singular or unifying formula can work because reality is complicated. Entrusting oneself to seemingly simple Answers is simply insufficient, even if they are ideals of peaceful negotiation; that method may work given the right conditions, but the world will always eventually complicate its feasibility.

After all in the real world, there's the absurd irony that some in the West had called the First World War "The War to End all Wars". These days, WWI is merely one long chapter in our textbooks just a few pages away from the even longer chapter of the Second World War that is followed by all the rest of the conflicts that have followed since then even with the establishment of diplomatic organizations like the United Nations. In this sense, showing Paradis' eventual downfall is perhaps the only way to end such a series that is so concerned with history, from King Fritz's tribal expansion into empire, the rise and fall of Marleyan ascendency, and finally of the survival and apparent shattering of Paradis.

From its beginning to its end, SNK has poignantly evoked J.R.R. Tolkien's conception of history as The Long Defeat. In one character's words, "together through ages of the world we have fought the long defeat". That is to say, "no victory is complete, that evil rises again, and that even victory brings loss".

No heroes, only humans

Eren's desperate, fatalistic resignation to committing the Rumbling, along with the characters' rejection of all the rest of the earlier plans to ensure Paradis a future, are merely the actions of human beings to that began with the need to find not even necessarily a Final Answer, but at least an acceptable and feasible one for the time being. But the characterization of Eren's confusion, childishness, and regret in the final chapter is startlingly real in how it demonstrates how, all along, we have been dealing not with grand heroes, but simply people who have no answers at all. SNK has always been about failures - and often ironic failures; it has always been a story about painful and frequently futile struggle.

People make mistakes, they can be short-sighted, selfish, biased, immature, petty, and irrational, and I think the ending follows through with depicting the consequences of that.

Erwin's self-sacrifice before being able to reach the basement (and his regression to a childhood state in the moments before his death), Kenny's futile chasing after that universal compassion he had seen in Uri, Shadis never being acknowledged by history despite his final heroic action, and so on -- these stories of ironic, futile failures are still meaningful in their mere striving. Eren's ending and Paradis' demise despite Armin's endeavour to ensure them a peaceful future are entirely consistent with this.

SNK certainly follows the shounen trope in which young individuals are bestowed great power and correspondingly great responsibility, and must then reconcile the burden of possessing that greatness on which the fate of the world depends. Yet it is equally defined by its representation of the state that us normal human beings confront everyday: the struggle against the apparent powerlessness to enact any meaningful or lasting change at all. Simultaneously, this helpless state does not exempt us from the responsibility to act in whatever small capacity we are able to resist oppression, ideological extremism, and the perpetuation of violence.

Towards That Symbol

That was a rather long but vital digression about the additional "construction and destruction" pages. To return to the issue of the symbolism in the final panel, here I will turn from seemingly affirming the tree as symbolizing the cycle of violence, towards what I think is the greater complexity of what the tree might "actually" symbolize.

As I've said above, I don't believe that the final chapter title is synonymous with 'toward the endless cycle of war'. In tone, theme, and characterization, SNK has always been defined by the tension between cruelty and beauty, the will to violence and the underlying desire for peace, and the rest of the contradictory impulses that all simultaneously coexist. The end of SNK as a whole commits to a similar lack of closure, ambiguity, and interpretive openness.

So far I have rambled on about only a view of the perpetual "cruelty" of history. Where, then, is the "beauty"?

In short, the "tree = cycle of violence" interpretation is obviously based on how that this tree recalls the original tree in which the spine creature, as the source of the power of the Titans, resided. But it's worth first considering, what exactly is this creature? We seem to get our answer in the chapter that most precisely crystallizes the dual "cruelty and beauty" of the world:

The spine creature might be said to be life itself. Or more specifically, the will of life to perpetuate itself, for no reason at all but for the fleeting moments in which we feel distinctly glad to have existed in the world.

The creature at the source of the Titans, and in extension the Titans themselves, is neither inherently a positive or negative, "good" or "evil", creative or destructive force. It's both and all of those at once. As with any power, the Titans were merely a tool that was put to use to oppressive ends.

So as I now suggest that the tree at the end is symbolically a "Tree of Life", I don't at all mean "life" in the typically celebratory or optimistic sense: rather, I mean it in the ambiguous, ambivalent, uncertain, and complex sense that has been evoked throughout the above discussion of the inevitable continuation of war.

The title "Toward The Tree on That Hill" is derived from its associations with Eren and Mikasa, but more specifically of course, from Armin's affirmation of existence. However, the tree as a symbol of existential affirmation is undercut with the revelation that, despite Armin's diplomatic mediation between the Allied Nations and Paradis, the island nation never escapes war just as no nation in the history of the earth has ever fully escaped war.

The image of Armin running toward that life-affirming tree by the end becomes twisted and complicated, as the image of the anonymous child approaching the Tree of Life evokes both awe at its beauty and grandeur, and a deep dread at the foreboding of its cyclical return to Ymir's tree that signalled the beginning of a bloody era.

And I think that is precisely it: Life is not some idealized, beautiful vision that we always want to run toward; it is also ironic, complicated, and dreadful. It is ambivalent. Like a literary symbol, the meaning of life cannot be pinned down absolutely. The tree therefore becomes itself a symbol of uncertainty, of an open future that is cyclical both in its beauty and war.

As a final observation, it is surely no coincidence that, the small, black, birdlike silhouettes of the war planes destroying the city from the sky is replaced by the similarly small black silhouettes of birds in the final panel.

If the birds represent freedom from war, the irony is that the immediately surrounding land appears to be one completely empty of people save for the exploring child; it is a freedom attained only without people's presence. Yet at the same time, a child from some existing civilization has reached it; perhaps it is freedom that they have reached, perhaps it is something else that they see in the tree. What is it that they were looking for? What does the tree and its history represent for the child, and what does it mean for their future? Alternatively, does the child-in-the-forest imagery negatively recall the warning that the world is one huge forest of predator and prey that we need to protect children from entering?

Rather than providing answers, this tree embodies all of the potential questions, and all of the potential answers. These possibilities will unfold themselves into an uncertain future beyond the chapters of history that Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Zeke, Erwin, and all the rest of the characters were part of and left their mark on; and whatever future this child will witness or create, it will similarly be one of the struggle against futility, as the journey begins anew with each generation in every new era. Neither - or both - hopeful or despairing, the final image of this tree, just like life itself, contains those innumerable irresolvable tensions as it gestures towards all possibilities, both oppressive and free.

[fils91]

The Never-Ending Mistreatment of Butters Essay/Rant

Butters Stotch deserves so much better. He does not belong with the worst parents in Western animation history nor does he belong in the worst town in Western animation history.

This essay/rant contains mentions of child abuse, which comes as no shock. If you’re a victim like me, then it’s best to not read any further. The only reason I’m writing this is because I have to get this out in the open. Read below the cut if you’re willing to.

Here goes nothing.

His day-in-the-limelight episode “Butters’ Very Own Episode” is a documentation of just how fucked up his life is. Y’all already know that by now, and that’s only the beginning of Trey and Matt’s obsession with torturing him (second only to Kyle).

After Butters replaces Kenny beginning with “Jared Has Aides”, he gets mistreated by the Main Three, which leads to easily the show’s most unforgivable moment. Cartman impersonates Butters to insult his parents over the phone, then sets up a chair from a distance from his house to sadistically watch his parents angrily come home and beat the ever-loving fuck out of Butters.

Who the fuck do T&M think they are pulling that stunt? If you ask me, that’s the ultimate defining moment of them being nihilistic, misanthropic, hateful human beings. They have zero disrespect for anybody suffering from trauma. It’s no surprise that Comedy Central themselves thought that was too far and banned the episode… before re-airing it with that scene edited. They should’ve permanently banned it.

It doesn’t stop there. They had the audacity to have Butters’ own grandmother bully him, and it actually made me cry. Thankfully, my own grandma never did that to me, but why the fuck would T&M still do that to Butters? Why do they insist on having everyone in his family be abusive shit-stains to him? Or everyone in town for that matter?

And then there’s the virtual reality episode. Just to further trigger me once more, Stephen has the audacity to claim that his and Linda’s parenting is “awesome”. These people have no right parenting or being in civil life. They belong in jail or in a mental hospital. And near the end of the episode, a repeat of the infamous ending of “Jared Has Aides” almost happened, and I was begging Stan to hurry up and do something before I rage the fuck out.

And as the biggest “fuck you” that T&M would give us, everything was just a virtual reality session. That does not excuse what the fuck they pulled. My PTSD getting triggered like that is beyond disrespectful, beyond irredeemable, beyond unacceptable.

I honestly have zero idea why people like Trey and Matt get away with pissing everybody off like that and still be alive and having careers. I can say the same for the creators of “Family Guy”, and one of them is not Seth MacFarlane–though he is to blame for allowing its infamous content through since he is the executive producer, which means he can veto a script that he disapproves of. The problem is, he hates working on the show so much that he’s attempting to bring himself down without having to resort to breaching his contract. He does not have to continue letting it run like that. Just veto the offensive shit. He’s making himself responsible for the show’s infamy.

But back to “South Park” and T&M’s hatred for Butters.

After the ass-pull that was the VR episode, Butters is still getting dumped on. The moment that they attempted to kill him off in the dreadful and misguided “Safe Space” had my heart pounding, tears forming, hoping that he pulled through. Thankfully, he did. 

Then there’s the “Post Covid” specials, where his future self went insane from neglect and caused him to be a NFT-shilling mental patient. Season 25 was where T&M was attempting to make that timeline happen by having Cartman selfishly fuck himself and his own mother over. We have to wait until Season 26 for the outcome. 

The “St. Patrick’s Day Credigree Weed Special” was peak Butters torture porn. Apart from having him regress back to his naive self, he gets arrested for pinching someone who he thought wasn’t wearing green, gets abused by a lawyer when he pinched her (hope the cunt lost her fucking job over that), gets tasered by a cop (after he unreasonably overreacts to him getting pinched by Butters), almost gets shot dead by the police because he’s too panicked to even consider to just stop running, and is eventually left with five years of community service.

The second part of “Streaming Wars” has him getting grounded for the umpteenth time for his involvement in the streaming wars. I’m pretty sure he knows the drill of “no fun because you’re grounded” by now, Stephen, you demeaning fuck. I hope you and Linda will feel very proud when he turns out terribly in the future. And treating his room like a prison in “Oh, Jeez” with all those locks on his door… I just want Social Services to do something at this point. Just don’t let controversially cringey Mr. Adams handle the case.

I despise how absolutely twisted people are. They do everything they can to get a rise out of people. It comes off as no surprise that I’m a cynical misanthrope. If anybody who has suffered like Butters, I’m certain they will be on my side when it comes to the constant, neverending mistreatment of Butters by the creators. 

Trey and Matt finally decided to put Tegridy Farms to rest. I hope to fucking God they will eventually put the Butters abuse to rest and just give Butters a goddamn break for once. He deserves a break. He deserves it.

[vennilavee]

salt & the sea

pairing: levi x reader (perp universe)

summary: kuchel has passed away, and levi makes a visit to the sea.

warnings: descriptions of death

word count: 1.4k

a/n: hello it has been 3 months good day all, missed u<33

Levi has always had bittersweet memories of the beach. He can remember many, many weekends in his childhood with his mother and with Kenny. He can vividly recall the feeling of comforting sea water and a salty, sea breeze fluttering in his hair.

But the sight of nebulous, grey storm clouds over the sea has always made him nervous. His mother always told them that there was nothing that compared to an angry sky and an upset sea.

Even as a child, he would cling to the skirt of his mother’s dress even if he saw a single storm cloud. But Kuchel always loved the sea, no matter the weather.

Sometimes, when Levi was safe inside with Kenny in the little cottage she had rented for a weekend getaway, she would stay outside on the beach. She would sway with the gentle breeze as if she could fall over with even the slightest push.

She has always loved the sea, the openness and the unknown. The thought of the sea sets Levi on edge- after all, the idea that the ocean was vastly unexplored was enough to set anyone on edge.

But not Kuchel. She loved everything about the sea.

Which is why she had asked that when she passes away, her ashes be scattered into the sea, at her favorite beach. Levi had stilled at the request, his entire body going rigid.

But here he is. Standing at the nearly empty beach with his mother’s ashes in an urn. It’s the middle of the summer, but this beach is tucked away from anyone who doesn’t know that it already exists.

He’s alone on this beach. Except for him and his dead mother’s ashes, he’s alone.

But then there’s you. You, who had held him in the early hours of the morning last week, when the doctors had called him to tell him that Kuchel had passed. After so many months and years of suffering, she was dead.

Some part of him feels relief that she is no longer in pain. No longer feeling the absurd weight of life sucking her dry.

But still. His mother is gone and his heart is torn into insignificant little pieces.

Levi had operated on autopilot the day he found out. To the point that it worried you. The only inclination he gave you that he was struggling was the way he squeezed your hand tightly as you drove to the hospital together. Or the way he would uncharacteristically lose focus.

He insists he’s fine, ignoring your soft, concerned questions to focus on the logistics that come with a loved one passing away. You wish he would stop for just ten minutes. He’s hurting, you know he is.

His steely eyes are still and stormy, and he hardly meets your gaze. Whether on purpose, or because if he meets your eyes, he’ll break apart thread by barren thread… you don’t know.

Levi has always had a level head. This time, you worry that he’s too collected. This is uncharted territory for you, too. You don’t want to push him before he’s ready.

You watch him with careful eyes as the sand beneath your bare toes softens. Levi stares out into the open, neverending sea. His eyes are narrowed, lips pursed into a thin line. You don’t know what he’s thinking.

It makes you nervous. You don’t know how to approach him, how to talk to him. But you think not saying anything at all is worse.

You wrap a steady arm around his bicep and squeeze lightly. “Levi,” you say gently, “It looks like it’s going to rain in a few hours. We should go inside.”

“I need to stay,” Levi says tonelessly, “Will you stay with me?”

“Of course, honey,” you murmur, squeezing his hand gently. He squeezes back. You stand with him in silence for a while, your thoughts straying to the funeral ceremony from only days ago-

Levi’s eyes were blank, his stare hollow. People came and went but he cannot recall who he spoke to. What was said.

All he can remember is his mother’s dead, gaunt face. She looked so peaceful. Like she was only asleep in the hospital bed that had become her home.

He wants her to wake up. He feels so tired.

Is he asleep? Is he awake?

Kenny is somber next to him, looking at the casket warily. He almost can’t bring himself to look at his sister, but he does. He has to.

The cremation is the worst part. Levi managed to hold himself together through it, mostly with his hand in yours.

His mother, his dead mother who was previously so warm and filled with life in the apples of her rosy cheeks, is now reduced to ashes. Levi holds onto the urn tightly.

What else is there to hold onto after all?

You. There’s you. He squeezes your hand, reminding himself that he’s not alone.

“Levi?” you ask quietly. The lines in his face are tense, eyes vulnerable and closed off at the same time.

He hums in acknowledgement, the gentle sea breeze rustling his hair. It’s familiar, the salty taste of the air melting on his tongue.

“What are you thinking?”

Silence rings heavy in the air for a moment, but it feels like much longer. His words struggle to scratch their way out from his throat, somehow still held inside in a tight knot of unspoken sadness.

“I used to hate it when it stormed here,” Levi muses, “Was always so fucking eerie. But… Ma loved it. For whatever reason.”

“Then let’s stay.”

Heavy winds whip through Levi’s hair (you think he needs a haircut, the ends are getting long these days) as it starts to rain. It’s a cold type of rain, the type of rain that you know you both will end up sick from.

A soft headache is already forming in the forefront of your skull, but you stick it out. For Levi.

Who hasn’t let go of your hand the entire time.

The urn containing Kuchel’s ashes sits half buried in the sand, as if Levi doesn’t know what to do with it.

And then somehow, the sky splits open once more with the crack of lightning and rain pours down you.

The glossy sheen of wetness in Levi’s eyes doesn’t surprise you.

Levi doesn’t say more than ten words to you as the onslaught of rain and wind only increases in the next few minutes. You shiver next to him and notice that the apples of his cheeks are reddened from the cold.

You sneeze. He looks at you, as if being ripped out of his trance.

“I’m ready,” he says softly, rubbing your thumb with a featherlight touch.

“Okay,” you nod.

He takes a hesitant step forward, the rain whipping in his face. He tries, he really does. He tries to loosen the lid of the urn off to drop the ashes of his mother into the cold, unforgiving sea.

But he can’t.

“It’s okay,” you murmur, “Let’s go inside. We’ll get sick if we stay out here any longer.”

“I have to do it now. She loved the sea, even when it was shitty like this,” Levi says forlornly.

“If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. It doesn’t have to be today,” you say over the noise of the wind, “It can be tomorrow. Next week. In eight months. When you’re ready.”

Levi stares at you long and hard for a moment, only pulled away when the sharp crack of thunder startles you. He cradles your wet cheek and takes your hand, leading you into the small cottage.

Once you’re both warm and dry, wrapped in blankets and comfortable clothes, you stand by the window to watch the rain fall against the sea. It’s chaos all concentrated in one place, and you’re mesmerized by it.

You feel Levi’s presence behind you before you see him.

“Ma loved watching all of this,” Levi murmurs into your ear, pulling you into his arms.

“I can see why,” you reply, rubbing his hand, “It’s pretty to watch. When you’re not wet and cold, I mean.”

Levi exhales a laugh into your skin. He holds you close without saying a word, only wanting to feel the softness of your hips and the warmth of your skin against his.

He tilts your jaw towards him to drop a desperate kiss to your lips. He wonders if you know that your presence is a bright light in his life. While he’s always had a level head and had his feet on the ground, you bring comfort along with your light.

He never wants to see you dim yourself.

Levi doesn’t realize that tears are slipping out of his eyes and onto your cheeks until you thumb them away, pulling him in for a long, long hug with only the surrounding storm to keep you both company as evening turns into night.

tags: @simpingmaize @kentobean @captainchrisstan @alrightberries @celestidarling @regalillegal @castellandiangelo @bakuhoesworld

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I will never understand why people choose to drop ben in the school tower

That choice is an interesting one to discuss. I'm one of those people who always pulls Ben up, like he gets all, "just drop me Lee! Let me go! :(" and I'm all, "no you dingus, get up here!" and then Kenny grumbles about it but what else is new?

I've only ever dropped him once, and that was when I was streaming the game and using a random number generator to make all my choices for me and I was not okay. I ALWAYS assumed he died from the impact of the fall but no, he fucking breaks his legs and then gets eaten alive! If you drop him, his biggest fear comes true and I hate it so goddamn much! And then Kenny is there to rub salt in the wound about what you did and how it was the right thing like fuck off dude, get away from me-

So I am curious about those who do choose to drop Ben and what their reasons were, aside from "I hate him and wanted to kill him" because while it's fair, you're allowed to hate Ben, I find that reason boring. And not all that great.

Like I've heard people say they dropped him the first time around because at this point, he's gotten so many people hurt and killed that they were afraid to keep him around. We know now that he doesn't get anyone else killed.... well, except himself when he falls from the balcony and impales himself, but y'know what I mean.

An interesting one is people arguing that they prefer Kenny saving Christa over Ben. If you drop Ben, then Kenny's still gotta get separated from the group and "die," so Kenny ends up knocking the walkie outta Lee's hand and it falls into the hole on the roof, right? Well, Christa jumps down there to go get it like a dumb ass and realizes uh oh.... how is she supposed to get out?

So you gotta find something to pull her out with, Omid is panicking which yeah, he loves Christa, she's pregnant, and she shouldn't have been the one to jump down there. But then walkers comes, and Kenny decides to jump down there to give her a boost, and then he gets lost to the walkers.

I will say, this route does give you a talk from Kenny that I do really like. He mentions that Katjaa used to tell him that he needs to look out for the group more, that he shouldn't just be so narrow minded and only focus on her and Duck. It's an interesting moment of self-reflection before his "death."

However, I still prefer him going out of his way to save Ben, or rather, make sure Ben didn't suffer his worst nightmare. Yeah Kenny sacrificing himself to save a pregnant woman is heroic and selfless and all...... but I dunno, it didn't hit me as much as Ben does. Kenny sacrificing himself, putting aside all of his hate, to save the scared kid who caused the death of his family? Seeing more than just himself for once, considering what Ben has gone through after his big blow up, and in a way wanting to move past that with Ben and save his life? And when it doesn't work out, Kenny makes sure Ben doesn't suffer, he puts him above himself, someone who isn't his blood.

I dunno, it means a lot more to me... which is why is annoys me when Kenny scoffs in s2 about how he tried to save shitbird Ben like okay s2 writers you could've at least pretended you understood the nuances set up in that scene but okay.