#I might put them next to my actual vhs collection for kicks

[hopesapowerfulthing]

The Perfect Birthday gift

[backofthebookshelf]

Book Recs for Magnus Archives Fans

I was just rambling in tags the other day about how my avatarsona was "the Archivist, but a public librarian: Oh, you like dirt?? Let me tell you all the dirt stories I have!!!!" so, uh, here I am I guess.

I'm gonna spare you all the M.R. James and Algernon Blackwood and House of Leaves and Blindsight; you know all that already. These are my horror backlist recs.

The Bone Key by Sarah Monette Y'all. Y'ALL. Kyle Murchison Booth was absolutely the Archivist before Gertrude. He was poached from the Parrington by the Usher Foundation and the Eye glommed onto him at once, because the Eye loves disaster queers who can't people right (and also Gertrude). This I believe to be true, and so will you.

Kyle Murchison Booth is an archivist at the Parrington Museum, which is somewhere in New England, sometime in the early twentieth century. He also has a lifelong entanglement with the supernatural which is almost entirely not his fault, and he would very much like it to stop, but he also feels responsible and he can't just let evil mirrors and cursed necklaces and possessed dressing gowns randomly eat people who have no idea what's happening. Even if it means he's going to suffer for it.

(This collection doesn't contain all of the Booth stories, so here I am going to link to "White Charles", which happens to be my very favorite Booth story.)

For you if your favorite part is: honestly everything about MAG, from the modern sensibilities about early twentieth-century-horror, truly eerie ghost stories, to suffering eldritch librarians (thanks to whoever tagged my most recent fic with that you're so valid), monsterfucking and soft gay pining. No happy endings here, sorry.

Bedfellow by Jeremy C. Shipp You may or may not have heard that Macmillan-Tor is launching a horror imprint, and I don't know how long it's been since a major publishing house has had a horror imprint, but I am EXCITE. This book is part of the trend that's the reason why: Tor.com has been publishing these kickass novellas for a couple years now, and their horror books are top notch.

One night a stranger knocks on a family's living room window and asks to be invited in. They ask him to stay the night. He's an old friend, after all, he needs a place to stay. You can't kick out your twin brother when he's just gotten divorced, no matter how much Gatorade he spills on your two-year-old hardwood floors.

For you if your favorite part is: the Stranger, this is all Stranger, it's terrifying and good.

Through the Woods by Emily Carroll A graphic novel, some of these were originally posted as webcomics (have you seen His Face All Red, and if not, why not???) and the only disadvantage to having them in book form is they can't blink at you. Probably. Very folktale-ish, with all the death and violence that implies, and also the slightly eerie feeling that you know this story already, and then it turns around and slaps you.

For you if your favorite part is: looking over your shoulder when the foley gets good; Once Upon a Time in Space (I know that's not technically part of the Magnus Archives but shush)

Universal Harvester by John Darnielle I am not usually a fan of artists who jump media. Just because you can write songs doesn't mean you can write novels. Apparently writing good songs doesn't mean you can't write good novels, though, because John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats (pretty sure that's his full name at this point) wrote Universal Harvester and I love him for it.

Jeremy works at a video rental place in Nevada, Iowa (it's pronounced Nah-vey-da, and yes it’s real, I've been there, and yes, it's probably haunted). It's the 1990s, and someone's been returning their VHS tapes with something on them that isn't just the movie. Footage that includes a barn that he recognizes, just outside of town.

Fair warning: this is not the kind of mystery that gets tied up in a nice bow at the end.

For you if your favorite part is: Jon losing it with paranoia in S2, The People's Church of the Divine Host, the Lonely

The Good House by Tananarive Due If this author's name is unfamiliar to you, RUN, do not walk, to your nearest internet bookseller and purchase every single one of her books immediately, you will not regret it. She also just came out with a documentary on black horror, Horror Noire, on the Shudder streaming service. They've got a free month if you aren't a horror movie person, it'd be worth your while. This book summary sounds like it's full of tropes. It is, but Due has the cred to write them well.

Angela Toussaint hopes to salvage her suffering marriage and her troubled relationship with her teenage son with a trip to her grandmother's house, a home so beloved the locals in small-town Washington state call it "The Good House," but tragedy strikes instead. Two years later she returns and finds that the tragedy isn't over, and it's not going to stop on its own.

For you if your favorite part is: the very practical statement-givers who know what's happening to them and Will Not Put Up With This Shit, the Desolation, the Hill Top Road statements

The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins Is this horror disguised as fantasy? Found family disguised as horror? Grown-up Neil Gaiman? Less grimdark George R.R. Martin? Honestly I have no fucking idea, but it's amazing. Fair warning, unlike Magnus Archives, this deserves all kinds of trigger warnings, including but not necessarily limited to: sexual assault, torture, mental manipulation, dysfunctional families, incest(?)

Father is missing, and his twelve children (though extremely talented in their own ways, and not strictly speaking children any more) are at a loss without him. But also, without him, things are starting to seem different. He might be God? They might not be human? (They were probably human once.) He might not be God but maybe one of them might be next? If any of them survive.

For you if your favorite part is: slowly turning into a monster, the relationships between entities and avatars, monsters hot (not kidding about the trigger warnings)

The Loney by Andrew Michael Hurley I have to keep reminding myself that Magnus Archives isn't really folk horror, there are two separate (if related) strains of British horror here and folk horror is not the one we're on, but at the same time I really want a good creepy rural pagan cult to show up in the series, you know? Anyway.

When he was a child, our narrator used to go with his family on an Easter pilgrimage to shrine on a bleak stretch of Lancaster coastline locals called The Loney. His Catholic mother was searching for a cure for his older brother, and she was convinced if they kept going long enough she would be granted her wish. The locals, however, are not huge fans of her annual visits, and even less so when the boys become involved with the goings-on of a pair of glamorous tourists.

For you if your favorite part is: the Lukases, I didn't realize until I was writing this up that I'm picturing Moreland House in the exact place described by this book

Eutopia by David Nickle One thing I love about the historical statements in Magnus Archives is just how truly historical they are. There's almost nothing in "The Piper" that isn't historically accurate - yes, Wilfrid Owen spent several days in a trench underneath the shredded bodies of his fellow soldiers. Like. You can't make up horror worse than that. But then you add monsters and it gets good. And I'm a sucker for early-twentieth-century history, it's such a bonkers time.

It's 1911 and the new Eugenics Record Office is sending agents out to catalog the disabled, infirm, and otherwise undesirable members of society so they can figure out what to do about them. In the utopian town of Eliada, Idaho, Dr. Andrew Waggoner runs from the racism of American society and straight into the influence of Mister Juke, the most troubling patient in his new practice. (Trigger warnings for, obviously, a whole lot of ableism. Treated like the monstrousness it is, but there's a lot of it.)

For you if your favorite part is: learning history through horror, the Flesh

A Head Full of Ghosts by Paul Tremblay I hate male writers writing about teenage girls, so you are going to have to trust me when I say that I had to check, several times while reading this book, to make sure that Paul Tremblay is actually a dude. He's very good. This book was kind of his breakout, so if you follow horror you've read it already, but if you don't necessarily then please do not miss it. His newer ones, Disappearance at Devil's Rock (Stranger, Spiral) and The Cabin at the End of the World (Slaughter, Extinction), are also good but not as good as this, I think.

Fourteen-year-old Marjorie is having a rough time - outbursts, hallucinations, paranoia. Treatment is difficult (and expensive) and her family ambivalent; they turn to a local Catholic priest, who recommends an exorcism and, to help manage those medical bills, a production company who's interested in filming a reality TV show about the process. Fifteen years later, Marjorie's sister deconstructs the now-famous show and wrestles with her own memories of childhood. Trigger warnings for ableism on the part of many of the characters, but not the narrative.

For you if your favorite part is: the Spiral, metafictional analysis of horror tropes

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z Special: History of Trunks

The second DBZ special aired on February 24, 1993, right between Episodes 175 and 176.   I was always kind of curious about the timing on this special, because it was included with the Trunks Saga box set back in the day, which led me to believe that it meant to be viewed around that part of the story.   More likely, Funimation did it because the Trunks Saga was really short, and the “box set” would have been two VHS tapes without something else to throw in.    

The collected editions of the manga placed it right around the same order as the TV show, right after Mr. Satan insists on fighting first.   However, Kanzenshuu.com lists its original publication date as August 11, 1992,  as part of a double feature alongside Chapter 396, which features Trunks taking on Perfect Cell so Krillin could rescue Vegeta.   That might explain why episode 164 featured a lengthy flashback to Trunks’ boyhood.   Toei had the special to work from, and while they eventually adapted the special outright, they were able to do a filler scene with some confidence in what Trunks’ future word was really like.    That makes a lot of sense, because Trunks vs. Perfect Cell was probably the high water mark for the character, and after that he became much less important in the series.  

To be clear, the manga version came first, and the anime version adapted and expanded it.    So unlike the DBZ movies, this one is about as canon as it gets.    It also stands in stark contrast to the first special starring Bardock.    Toriyama had nothing to do with creating “Father of Goku”, but he liked the special so much that he briefly referenced the climactic scene in the manga.  

So yeah, this is basically an account of the future timeline Trunks is from, so it opens with Goku dying of the hear virus Trunks predicted in Episode 122.   

I know that feel, kid.   

Then we flash forward about six months to May 12, Age 767, when the androids attacked.    They kill all the Z-Fighters, and then we flash forward again about thirteen years.    Things look pretty much the same, but only because this just happens to be one of the towns the androids haven’t attacked yet.   Also, this one kid has a baloon with Goku on it, which seems really out of place when he’s been dead for so long. 

So the Androids attack... I think it’s Peppertown, and we then find Master Roshi’s house is abandoned.    Turns out he took cover in a submarine, along with Oolong, Puar, and Turtle.    Apparently, this is just what they do when they hear of an android attack on the radio.   I assume that means Peppertown is close enough to Kame House to warrant this sort of thing, but then again, they may just be really jumpy.  

In Peppertown, 18 helps herself to a clothing store, and that’s a pretty cool sequence.    The shopkeep is terrified, of course.  

Then 17 blows up the store as soon as she leaves.   18 chews him out for this, because she wanted to at least spare the clothes.    17 had agreed to this, but forgot.   

And that’s kind of the theme of the androids’ reign of terror.    A lot of the early material surrounding Trunks’ future world made it sound more like the post-apocalyptic world of the Terminator movies.    In Episode 139, Trunks even flashes back to a group of humans, many of whom are wearing outfits and swords like his, which imply that they’re all part of some human resistance movement.    That wasn’t hard to go along with, especially since we had just finished the Frieza Saga, where the main villain was more about oppressing people than killing them outright.   But once we finally met 17 and 18, it turns out that they’re not terribly motivated by anything.     They kill people indiscriminately, but they’re in no great hurry to get it done.   This explains how they can be strong enough to kill a Super Saiyan, and yet there’s still a world left thirteen years on.   

As a consequence, Trunks’ world doesn’t look like a hellish post-apocalyptic nightmare.     At least not all of it does.    Peppertown looked pretty much business-as-usual, until the androids finally got around to destroying it.   It’s not a quick, sudden thing that happened.   The world is slowly being torn down, city by city, person by person, and that’s actually scarier when you think about it. 

For example, Bulma and Trunks hear about the attack on Peppertown while they’re returning from a grocery run, but they have to drive a long way for groceries because so many cities have been ruined.   So there’s still food and cars and fuel for cars and such, but things are a lot harder to access.    I assume the world population has had to become more decentralized, since any major population center risks getting targeted by the androids. 

Anyway, Trunks has had it with the androids, so he asks his mom if she doesn’t mind heading home alone, and she knows what he’s up to, but she can’t really stop him from leaving either.   

But when Trunks reaches Peppertown, it’s too late.    The androids are gone, and so are all the people he wanted to save.   

But he does run into Gohan there, and so the two of them head back to the Capsule Corp. building, or what’s left of it.     There, Trunks pleads with Gohan to take him on as his student, and teach him how to kick some android ass.   Gohan agrees, since Trunks reminds him a lot of himself as a boy.   But they agree to keep his training a secret from Bulma so she won’t worry.  

This is one of the commerical bumpers they used in this special.    I’m putting it here because I want to point out that this is maybe the only time I’ve ever seen them actually color in that bit of purple hair sticking out of baby Trunks’ hat.   usually hey just leave it the same color as his face.   He looks a lot cuter this way.  

Gohan has dinner with Trunks and Bulma, and it’s weird to see Bulma cooking, but in this world, she probably had no choice.    It looks like her house took a pounding from an Android attack, but it’s mostly in tact.    My guess is that West City is mostly deserted, and Bulma stayed here because she needs the lab and other equipment, and she figured a deserted city would be safer than a full one.  

Later, Gohan starts training Trunks.   He’s strong and he has loads of potential, but he won’t really be in any shape to fight the androids until he can turn into a Super Saiyan like Gohan can.    Gohan keeps telling him that anger is the key, but Trunks just can’t quite pull it off.   

Ox King and Chi-Chi are still alive in this timeline, although they both look pretty haggard.   From what I can tell, they never see much of Gohan anymore, and so all Ox King has for her are stories he’s heard of Gohan fighting the androids in various places.    She longs for the days when Goku was still alive and Gohan had a chance of becoming a great scholar, but that future was taken away from Gohan when he was left as the only one strong enough to fight the androids.

Then we pick up at some later time, in another city.   Things look pretty peaceful here, and they even have an amusement park.   One of the people in this shot says it’s because this is one of the few cities that has any sort of military, so they think that’s kept the androids away all these years.

Only it wasn’t.   17 and 18 are here right now.   They just never got around to this city yet.   How is 18 doing that with her arm?   Well, she is a cyborg...

Someone calls the military for assistance, but we see that there’s no one to answer, because 17 and 18 already took them out before they got to the park.   

Soon, Gohan and Trunks show up, and we see Gohan turn Super Saiyan for the first time in the special.    Not sure why he does that jazz hands thing, but whatever.    A lot of what he’s been doing lately has probably been self-taught.  

Now, we first saw 17 and 18 fight in Episodes 135 and 136.  There, they took out Vegeta and Trunks--both as Super Saiyans--with tremendous ease.   Afterward, Trunks mentioned that they were far more powerful than the 17 and 18 in his own timeline.    He was at least able to fight them there, and the main problem was the numbers game, and the androids’ superior stamina.   They never get tired, while Super Saiyans burn through their energy pretty quickly.  

This fight pretty neatly illustrates the problem.   Gohan does pretty well while he’s fighting 17 alone, but then 18 jumps in and saves 17 before he can come close to finishing him off.   If Gohan could just get one of them isolated for a while, maybe he could divide and conquer, but that just never happens.    If he had a partner, then that guy could keep 18 busy while Gohan takes out 17, and then they could double team 18 and be done with it.  

And Trunks does pretty well in that respect, considering he’s only 14 and not even a Super Saiyan.   He’s no match for 18, but he does get in a few hits, which is more than he managed when he was older and more powerful and tried to fight 18 in the altered timeline.  

Ultimately, things go really badly for the boys, because Trunks gets overwhelmed and Gohan ends up having to fight both androids and save Trunks at the same time.   He tries to hide, much like we saw him do in the flashback from Episode 164, only this time it dosn’t do him any good.    The one advantage he has on the androids is that they can’t sense his ki, but that doesn’t matter here, because 18 just fires a big energy blast that happens to be right next to him.     There’s no escape.  

The only thing that saves them is that 17 and 18 can’t find them in the rubble, so they give up and go “home”.   I wonder what their home looks like.    Gohan digs himself out and one of his arms is gone.   He pulls out his bag of senzu beans and finds that he only has one left.    And this is truly the last senzu bean ever.   Apparently the plant that they grow from died off.   I don’t know if 17 and 18 attacked Korin’s tower or what.   

I’m also not sure if eating the bean would grow back Gohan’s missing arm.    I guess Yamcha’s injuries at the hands of Dr. Gero were at least as severe, but somehow growing back a limb seems much more extreme to me.    Regardless, he gives the bean to Trunks, because that’s the kind of guy Gohan is.    I like the dub version of this, because Gohan just stares at the bean and asks himself “What would your father do?”   and then he gives it to Trunks.   

Trunks eventually gets Gohan home and they have a doctor tend to his wounds, and before long Gohan’s back in action, minus an arm.    This is about where the manga verson starts, so everything you’ve seen up to now has been filler.  

I get the impression that this scene is right after Gohan recovered, and they haven’t fought the androids since he lost his arm.    Trunks still can’t turn Super Saiyan, and Gohan reminisces about how he did it when he thought about Piccolo and the others dying to the androids. 

I get the sense that Future Gohan has some serious flaws as a warrior.    No disrespect intended, I just mean that his game plan seems to be largely improvised.    Ox King mentioned hat he seems to be determined to “avenge” the Z-Fighters, which makes sense, except that he probably needs to be more focused on protecting humanity, or figuring out a way to defeat the androids.    From what I’ve seen of him, it looks like he’s more interested in just fighting them.  He shows up, they mix it up a little, he gets in over his head, and then he has to hide until they get bored and leave.   If that’s his standard operating procedure, then I doubt he’s ever actually driven off 17 and 18.   Why would they stop attacking a city after he’s out of sight?

I’m not saying that Gohan doesn’t care about the people, but it seems like his strategy is just “Hit the androids until they explode,” and that hasn’t gotten him anywhere.    If Vegeta were still alive, then they might have enough firepower to make that plan work.    If Piccolo were around, then he’d probably make Gohan understand that he needs to think outside the box on this.    But Gohan’s not a tactician or a fighting genius.   He’s very talented, but on his own, his shortcomings become very apparent.  

Anyway, while they talk, the androids start attacking West City.   Trunks wants to help, but Gohan insists that he stay behind.    Trunks hates that idea, especially since Gohan’s lost an arm already.   So Gohan agrees to let him come along.... only to knock him out cold while he’s not looking.   

And this leads us to Gohan’s Last Stand.    He actually does pretty well fighting both 17 and 18 at the same time, with only one arm at that.    But it doesn’t take them long to turn the tables on him.   My guess is that Gohan pushed himself too hard and wore himself out faster than usual.   Also, as I recall from the manga, 17 told him that he hadn’t been figthing at full strength until now, so he may have underestimated them.   

But Gohan warns them: Even if his body is destroyed, what he represents will live on, and someone else will rise up to carry out his last wish.    Z Stands for the end, but not yet.   

Later, Trunks wakes up, and find him in the city, lying face down in a puddle.   

And the pain and grief and rage well up inside him, and finally, Trunks realizes what it takes to be a Super Saiyan.    It wasn’t just anger, as Gohan told him.  It was a kind of anger that he couldn’t truly understand until now, because as bad as this future world is, it’s the only one Trunks knows, and as long as he had his mom and Gohan, he’d never really lost anything before now.    But Gohan was his best friend and martial arts master, and his hero.     He was the best, and the androids killed him and threw him away like so much trash.    

To be honest, I’m a little choked up on this screening, because I’ve been watching all of DBZ up to this point.   The audience has watched Gohan grow up.    We’ve seen him as a baby, we’ve seen him make friends and do very brave things, and this is how it ends.   A couple of shithead androids kill him like he doesn’t even matter.  Well he did matter, and Trunks has the yellow aura to prove it.   

And this is what’s so grim about Trunks’ world.   The Dragon Balls are long gone, senzu beans are extinct, and the last Z-Fighter just died a lonely death.   Yeah, Trunks has become the Legendary Super Saiyan, but so what?   By the time he’s pulled it off, it’s too late to do any good.    It won’t bring Gohan back, or save all the people who died.    This is a very bitter moment for Trunks.     Goku and Vegeta might have found their Super Saiyan awakenings to be cathartic, but not Trunks.   

Three years later, Trunks has been helping Bulma work on her latest invention, the time machine.   Her plan is to send Trunks back twenty years into the past to see if Goku could have stopped the androids if he had survived his illness.    But by this point, her lab has been destroyed, so it’s taken a long time for her to charge the time machine for a round trip.    As for Trunks, he thinks they won’t need the time machine, because he thinks he’s finally strong enough to beat the androids by himself.    Bulma hates that idea, since that’s exactly how Gohan got himself killed.   

But when Trunks hears of an android attack on the radio, there’s not much Bulma can do to stop him from going.    He straps on his sword and flies out to wreck their shit.  

At first he seems to do pretty well...

But his attacks don’t hurt them at all.   As Trunks eventually realizes, it’s not that his attacks aren’t strong enough, it’s that they’re just fast enough to dodge a split second before they connect.  

And then he realizes his mother was right.    He’s in over his head, and the androids won’t just let him walk away from this.    He’s gotten sucked into the same routine Gohan was in for over a decade.  

Also, look how much he resembles Vegeta from his battle with Frieza, right around the time he realized the same thing about Frieza.  

So the androids toy with him and chase him around for a while as he tries to escape.   Not sure why he turned off Super Saiyan during this...

But then they toss him out of a building and he’s back in Super mode again.    Are those flower petals supposed to be like cherry blossoms?   Did Trunks finally go through puberty? 

They keep picking on him, mainly because he’s too stubborn to lay down, and when he asks them why they do this, they say it’s because they hate humans, and so they’ve decided to kill everyone they find.    

Eventually, they blast him and leave without making sure he’s dead, and then Trunks wakes up a few days later to discover that his mom found him and got him medical attention.    At long last, Trunks is finally on board with using the time machine.  

And so Trunks recovers, and he prepares for his fateful journey.    Bulma assures him that Goku will be able to help, not just because he was strong, but because he had a way of making you feel like everything would turn out okay.    Oh, and Vegeta... certainly... uh, was alive back then.   Yeah.   

And that’s it.   The credits show clips of Trunks debut in Episodes 120-122, and now you know..... the rest.... of the story.   Paul Harvey...... good day?

In the past, I never had much use for this special, because most of what happens in it is stuff we already knew about from Trunks’ description of his past.    Also, for a few years I struggled to accept DBZ stories that went backwards on the power scale like this.   Future Trunks and Future Gohan and their android enemies are much weaker than Cell or the Saiyans in the Cell Games Saga, so what’s the point?  

Also, I went through a period where I didn’t have much use for Trunks as a character, maybe because he didn’t seem to matter much after he beat Mecha-Frieza and lost to Cell.    He just seemed to whine a lot and never had much to contribute, unlike Gohan and the others.    

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to appreciate Trunks’ story more.    He has a mission, and things to prove, and loved ones to protect and avenge, and he just wants to get through this thing in one piece, you know?    He’s not big on foolish heroics because he’s seen bad things happen to people who do.    Sometimes his cautious, calculated approach to things doesn’t work either, but you can’t blame him for having that attitude.    In his world, you’re working without a net.   

[monsterislandbuddies]

Why the Trendmasters “Godzilla Wars” Package Design is Awful

Before we start, an important note about context...

In the 1990s, now-defunct toy company Trendmasters released several waves of Godzilla action figures in the United States. For the purposes of my upcoming criticisms, context is extremely important: from the mid-1980s to 1998 (when Tristar’s Godzilla film hit theaters), there wasn’t much Godzilla activity in the states. Most Americans were unaware of the new movies being produced in Japan, and aside from a Nike commercial here or an MTV Lifetime Achievement award there, Godzilla was rarely on the minds of the average American.

Therefore, for this deep dive, please keep in mind that Trendmasters already had an uphill battle as there were no movies, comics, video games, or TV shows to support their first waves of Godzilla toys. They were riding almost entirely on Godzilla’s position as a tremendously recognizable IP.

The first Trendmasters line of action figures were under the name “Godzilla: King of the Monsters”, with the second main line being “Godzilla Wars” in 1995. I recently added a “Godzilla Wars” Baragon to my collection (seen above), and I couldn’t help but study its packaging. Out of the gate, I like how I was able to remove Baragon without damaging the box at all. But other than that, I found the box art and copy to be so atrocious that I personally believe it stunted the success of this toy launch. Everything I’m going to say is based on my own opinions but I do want to note - without divulging too much personal information - that my career is in this field and has been for over a decade. That doesn’t make me automatically right, so in the end, I invite you all to share your thoughts! Now, let’s begin...

What's the “Story” Here?

Let’s break down the act of marketing an action toy line to it’s bare bones: most lines have a main hero, and then the main adversary. They’re the two figures kids should want first (and the two toys your company is almost guaranteed to sell). He-Man and Skeletor. Optimus Prime and Megatron. Luke and Darth Vader. In a Godzilla line, the prime character (and probably the only one kids have any vague familiarity with) is Godzilla. After Godzilla, where do you go? What are the “Godzilla Wars”? Let’s investigate.

This art includes Godzilla, as it should. Behind him is... a second Godzilla? With a spike of some sort on his head? Remember: this is 1995. It would still be a few years before Godzilla Vs. Space Godzilla would come to America on VHS. In the states, most people don’t understand who that character is. Is it a supercharged Godzilla? Or is it the foe we’re going to war with? Maybe the back of the packaging will offer some help...

There’s no story synopsis on the back, and that’s sometimes okay... but in this case--where the toys have no support in other media--a brief synopsis is a good idea. Even a blurb under the logo would be helpful. For example (off the top of my head):

Earth’s armies are helpless as giant-sized aliens invade with one goal in mind: DESTROY. Only Godzilla and his friends are powerful enough to defend our planet, but will their war save humankind... or end it?

A little blurb like that is a great way to kick-start the imagination and inspire someone to purchase these toys and play out the story. Plus a “war” implies ARMIES, so this incentivizes kids to want to collect as many “soldiers” as possible!

Back to interpreting the story as it’s presented: does the front picture imply that Space Godzilla is the main villain? The back of the box has him all the way in the bottom right corner, so not likely. If he is the main villain, Space Godzilla is better served at the top of one of the two columns (preferably right next to Godzilla). Even better, the columns should be split with heroes on one side, and villains on the other. This will would help kids instantly understand what the sides are in this war.

To understand the story of “Godzilla Wars”, it seems that all we have to go by are the character descriptions, and they are the most offensive part of this entire box...

Who Are These Characters?

I cannot stress this enough: the Heisei era Japanese Godzilla films were not wildly available in America in 1995. For this section, you need to divorce yourself of all of your current Godzilla knowledge and pretend you’re being introduced to many of these characters for the very first time.

In general, Americans read from left to right and top to bottom. The layout of these columns is already confusing because I’m not sure if I should start at Supercharged Godzilla (left) or regular Godzilla (top). Let’s start with regular:

He began life as Godzillasaurus--millions of years ago when dinosaurs roamed the Earth. Exposed to radiation in the mid 1950′s, Godzilla--as he came to be called--transformed into a towering monster capable of delivering a devastating atomic blast with his breath. Since then, Godzilla has menaced the cities of Japan and fought off many seemingly unbeatable adversaries, earning him the title, “The King of the Monsters”.

It’s not a bad description of our hero. Personally I would’ve simplified the opening and cut the “Godzillasaurus” stuff:

Once a slumbering prehistoric monster, Godzilla was awakened by man’s atomic testing in the 1950s. Now radioactive with a devastating atomic blast, he has risen to release his fury on all of us! But when Earth is invaded by powerful monsters from far away galaxies, Godzilla may now be our only hope for survival!

This revision quickly explains Godzilla’s origin and ties him to the toy line’s story in a meaningful way. Now let’s see what Supercharged Godzilla is all about:

Caught in the powerflux of Dr. Shiragami’s Re-Genesis trap...

...and I’m already lost. Dr. Shiragami? Powerflux? Re-Genesis trap? I appreciate the attempt at creating a specific explanation for Supercharged Godzilla, but this description has too many unfamiliar ideas and can actually intimidate kids away from the toy line. Always keep it simple:

Godzilla’s heart is a full-blown nuclear reactor, and to stay energized, the king of the monsters needs to feed off of our power plants! But when he absorbs too much energy, Godzilla’s skin turns black and his atomic powers temporarily DOUBLE in strength!

A nice, easily digestible explanation like this is much more inviting to children. Now for Mothra’s blurb (the first non-Godzilla description a kid might read):

Hatched form an egg that flew from space, Mothra fires an ultra-sonic wave beam of considerable destructive force from his antennae. The poisonous powder stored in his wings can temporarily paralyze the muscles in Godzilla’s body, and neutralize Godzilla’s atomic blast.

There are three things I would immediately change: first, I’d remove the “space” part of Mothra’s origin. Remember, in my Godzilla Wars, the alien invaders are the bad guys... and we want Mothra to fight for good! Second, I don’t see any reason Mothra can’t be a female here. Last: why is half of this description about how Mothra can attack Godzilla when they’re on the same side? I suggest:

Worshiped by natives as a goddess on the secluded Infant Island, Mothra has been a spiritual protector of the Earth for thousands of years. She saved Japan from one of Godzilla’s earliest attacks, but now they must work together to defend our planet from dangerous new foes.

Since there’s a chance people might be more familiar with Mothra (due to seeing Showa-era films on broadcast television or posters in video stores), her position on the packaging roster is not bad. Who’s next?

Well this is an odd (but at least familiar) bunch of characters to present in this order. Rodan’s blurb isn’t great, but it’s also not offensive so I’m going to skip that one. This brings us to King Ghidorah, and oh-boy:

Engineered by the Earth Union Organization in the year 2204 as a bio-weapon with which to destroy Japan, three Dorats were sent back in time to the 1940′s where they fused into the three-headed King Ghidorah! But the EUO’s plan to destroy Japan was soon put to an end by the mighty Godzilla!

Questions: why would the Earth Union Organization want to DESTROY Japan? What’s a dorat? Why did they send them to 1940, and how’d they get back to the present? I appreciate how Trendmasters wanted to respect the source material, but that source material was only available in Japan at this point! Without context, King Ghidorah’s description is puzzling. It’s also not a good idea to imply that this character was already defeated.

Further, like Mothra, there’s a chance people might actually recognize King Ghidorah. Therefore, it’s a smart idea to stick to the Showa-origin for this character and (again) keep it simple. I submit:

One of the most dangerous monsters in the universe, King Ghidorah has traveled across numerous planets and galaxies leaving only a path of destruction behind. Now, this three-headed monstrosity has landed on Earth, and it will take the combined forces of ALL of our mightiest monsters to stop him!

No more implying that King Ghidorah was already defeated; instead, let’s beef him up. If anything, look at it from a commerce angle: Godzilla can’t defeat King Ghidorah on his own, kiddies... you’re going to need to buy him some help!

Mecha-King Ghidorah’s blurb is also problematic:

After a losing battle with Godzilla, Ghidorah lay at the bottom of the ocean. The Earth Union Organization salvaged the battered bio-weapon and gave it a new life as Mecha-King Ghidorah--an even more powerful Cyber-Monster--and returned him back in time to face Godzilla!

This is a tricky one. We just read a blurb about King Ghidorah, and now we’re reading about how he already lost a battle with Godzilla. We don’t want to make King Ghidorah sound weak right out of the gate, but how else do you describe his cyber transformation? I say keep it vague:

The only thing more powerful than King Ghidorah is the enhanced Mecha-King Ghidorah! This near-invincible cyber monster is faster, stronger, and worst of all, SMARTER. But who provided all of these mechanical upgrades? Is someone on Earth rooting for the space monsters to win?

A smarter King Ghidorah? A human conspiracy? Just writing that made me want to go home and start playing with my toys! Here’s what they have for Mecha-Godzilla:

In 1992, the Godzilla Force recovered the remains of the decimated Mecha-Ghidorah...

Hold up. So you mean to tell me that my King Ghidorah action figure was already defeated, and he became Mecha-King Ghidorah, and now THAT character was “decimated”? Why would I want to buy any of these toys if they’re all defeated already? The box copy already had my play time for me!

Now we’ve got a couple of characters who are very likely new to Americans: Battra and Biollante. I think Battra’s description is decent; we understand that he’s evil, and we understand his relation to Mothra.

Biollante, on the other hand, starts off with a very confusing statement:

Biollante is the genetic combination of a plant, a human and the mighty Godzilla himself.

Reading that (and seeing Biollante’s human-like legs), I would assume that she used to be some type of mad scientist who injected both plant and Godzilla DNA into herself only to mutate into Biollante! To avoid confusion, I would remove that first sentence entirely and start with the next one:

Created by Dr. Shiragami in an effort to produce an immortal plant, Biollante instead grows to become a giant monster of unthinkable power!

There’s Dr. Shiragami again. As you might have guessed, I would remove his name (and just have it say “Created by a team of geneticists”). To fit the “alien invasion” narrative I pitched earlier, I’d also throw in a line such as:

Now, Biollante has sided with the alien army, united by their hatred of Godzilla and ANY monster that stands in their way!

Gigan’s description is decent, so let’s jump ahead to the last three monsters.

Anguirus is the first and only monster described as an ally of Godzilla. I also believe his description to be the best one currently on the box. It’s the only one to mention Monster Island, it guesses (but doesn’t confirm) his origin, it explains his relationship to Godzilla, and it explains his skill set. The only change I’d suggest is shortening the word count 2-3 lines.

Moguera, on the other hand, is an assault of overwhelming information.

The newest and most powerful of all Godzilla destroying weapons created by the U.N.G.C.C (United Nations Godzilla Countermeasures Center), Moguera is actually two ultra war vehicles: The Land Moguera and the Star Falcon.

In all of these descriptions combined, we’ve been introduced to THREE human organizations with the exact same goal: destroy Godzilla. In my opinion, only G-Force should be involved with this universe. "G-Force” is easy to read, it’s easy to remember, and Trendmasters already had some G-Force-related toys at this point so there IS a little familiarity.

Second, unless the toy itself can split into two vehicles and recombine into Moguera, I would leave this transformation line out of the description entirely. In a void, it reads like this will be a feature of the Moguera toy, and that’s misleading.

FINALLY we get to SpaceGodzilla (remember him? He’s the guy on the front of the box art with Godzilla). And guess what’s in the very first sentence?  “The dead monster Biollante...”. Another monster is already dead! That’s four in total! Why would I want to ask for toys that are already dead?

Here’s something you may have not noticed: this is the Baragon box we’re looking at, and Baragon’s nowhere to be found in the character roster on the back! Neither are Megalon or Varan, who are also in the Godzilla Wars toy line.

Size Matters

Before we wrap this up, I want to show you one more thing real quick. Look at this packaging for the American Dreamworks Ultraman line. I’m not suggesting that this is far superior box art, but one element I really like is the inclusion of the skyline at the bottom of the box. This visual helps you immediately understand that these are GIANT characters.

I like the Trendmasters Godzilla toys themselves (for what they are), but there’s nothing in the presentation to help me remember that these are giant monsters I’m playing with. Even some simple art on the front or back of a couple of buildings around Godzilla would be helpful. I know that most people understand that Godzilla is enormous, but the added visual would sure make for a great reminder that this toy can theoretically CRUSH every other toy I own.

In Conclusion

Godzilla is one of the most recognizable fictional characters in the world, and in my opinion, there’s no reason this popularity can’t thrive in mainstream American culture. Toy companies who are marketing toward kids need to find a balance of giving kids enough context so they’re attracted to new characters, while also leaving OUT enough information so the kids’ imaginations can fill in the blanks.

More important, if you hand kids a conflict and the beginning of a story, it’ll excite them into engaging with the toy line by keeping the story going. Think about it: without a story, why exactly IS “Godzilla Wars” different than the previous Trendmasters toy line?

The primary purpose of this post is to let all of these thoughts spill out of my noisy head... but the second purpose is to hopefully inspire you to think a little more about packaging: when you’re attracted to toy packaging, can you pinpoint why? What kind of elements repel you? And as a G-Fan, what do you think American-produced Godzilla toys can do yo appeal to broader audiences?

Action figures can be works of art, and their packaging can be too. I hope this stream of consciousness will get you thinking about it - even if you disagree with everything I’ve said.

Thank you for hearing my thoughts!

-MIB

[restlessmelodrama]

Say I Never Mattered Chapter 2  *:･ﾟ✧

Steve Harrington x Y/N Henderson (Slowburn)

Warnings: Sexual assault, swearing, angst

Playlist

Chapter 1  / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 /

Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8

A/N: This chapter is dark and I feel bad for giving the reader such a dramatic backstory because Y/N is precious and needs to be protected at all costs, which is not what is happening in this story, sorry.

Also know, that the actions portrayed in this are in no way, okay or healthy and if you ever find yourself in a situation like this or you know someone who has dealt or still deals with this kind of behavior, getting help is important.

Help hotline/ Chat and information on the topic:  https://www.rainn.org/after-sexual-assault

Nonetheless, thank you so much for your love on the last Chapter. I really didn’t expect that. <3 I hope you like this as well. :)

Also, a small disclaimer: English is not my first language, so I’m really sorry in advance for any grammatical or spelling errors. 

Dustin opened the door and the warmth of the little Diner wrapped around you like a fuzzy blanket. The sound of Daryl Hall and John Oate’s “You Make My Dreams“ reached your ears muffled, heart still beating like a drum. You stepped in and saw him right away, sitting in a red booth to your left in the back of the room. His head was resting in his right hand, fingers tangled in his hair. In his left hand, he was holding a cup. Coffee, you assumed. He loved coffee. He always had. No sugar, no milk.

He must have felt you stare because he slowly tilted his head up, looking directly at you. You clenched your jaw, still staring at him, but now in his brown eyes. The eyes, you had always found comfort in, were now gazing at you, seemingly ripping you into pieces. Everything was messed up. You never thought that you would feel like that about him. Not about Steve Harrington. But you did.

He opened his mouth to say something only to close it again.

You were shaking your head, a determined look on your face.

And he knew it was better to back off. He was able to see right through you, at least that’s what he'd always thought. Steve knew you were too hurt to talk right now.

You closed your eyes and turned around, so he was now looking at your back. You couldn’t deal with seeing his face any longer. You were so close to breaking down. The day had been horrible from the moment you had opened your eyes and the one person who normally made everything go away for a few hours, had contributed to the horrible this time.

Why did this have to happen to the only good, constant thing in your life?

“…and a strawberry milkshake with a little whip cream on top.

No, you know what, make it a lot! I’m feeling generous tonight!“, your brother chuckled, turning around to face you. He’d been too busy ordering, to have noticed what was going on.

But his smile disappeared quickly when he caught a glimpse of your pained expression.

“What’s wrong Y/N?“, he asked, sounding confused.

You looked over your shoulder when you heard a door slam shut behind you.

The cup was still on the table, but no one was holding it.

A few dollar bills were left next to it.

You gulped, kind of disappointed, that he didn’t try harder.

Dustin followed your gaze.

“Where’s Steve?“ he asked after seeing, that his possible ride home had disappeared.

“Uh, I don’t know.“, you responded, your voice cracking slightly.

You turned around to look at your brother. You tried to smile but your eyes were glassy.

“What's going on?”, he wanted to know.

You never acted like that, not if nothing majorly bad happened.

Now he was worried.

You didn’t respond because you weren’t sure what to tell him.

“I’m here to listen, if you wanna talk about something, you know that right?“, Dustin said softly.

You gave him a gentle smile,

“Thanks, Dusty. I really appreciate it. But not tonight.“

Dustin was a little angel, though you would never admit it to him, it was true.

He genuinely cared about everyone and he was always there for you or at least tried to be. It just wasn’t appropriate to dump all your problems onto your sibling. You were older. It was your responsibility to listen to his dilemmas and try to help him solve them. Not the other way around.

You sighed and took the tray with your milkshakes and Dustin’s fries, which had been sitting on the counter and placed it on a table nearby. Both of you sat down in the booth and it was silent again. The only sounds audible this far into the night in such a small town were, Dustin eating his fries, you nipping on your strawberry milkshake and a soft tune coming from the radio.

You could feel the tension in the air and were trying to think of a way to get rid of it. You knew Dustin was sad, that you didn’t talk to him about tonight but what were you even supposed to say? You didn’t even quite understand what was going on yourself. He wanted to help you but for now, you just wanted to forget and getting your brother involved was not the way to go.

You cleared your throat, “So, um… how was your… how was the game?“

It was a weak attempt.

Your brother stared at you, skeptically, through his curls that had grown way too long in the past few months. He really needed a haircut. You were already cursing yourself in your thoughts for not coming up with something clever but then he spoke up and went on to explain every single detail of today's game to you. Your endeavor, as weak as it might have been, had succeeded.

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The next morning, your eyes began to flicker open and you stared at your ceiling, trying to collect your thoughts. After a few seconds you sat up in your bed, which actually was just a big mattress with a carpet underneath, so it wouldn’t slip when you threw your tired body on top after a long day of school, work and running a three-person household.

You’re head was spinning a little. You sighed and started to rub your eyes. They were itchy because of all the crying last night and your poorly removed mascara. Your back hurt and you began to stretch your arms in an attempt to make it better but gave up after a few seconds, putting your hair up into a bun and standing up to open your curtains, letting in the tiny bit of sunlight, wintery Indiana had to offer.

Enough to light up your small room and you took a look around to find yourself surrounded by a huge mess.

You hadn’t turned the lights on when you came home the day before since it had been really late and you just went to bed.

“No“, you sighed in frustration.

You stepped over to your dresser and ripped the third drawer open. You threw a few books and VHS tapes out and started to pull open the false bottom you had cut in it, only to find your secret compartment empty. You had two of these hiding spots in your room, one for you and one for Dustin. You had them in every house you had lived in since you were five years old, when your Halloween candy had disappeared without a trace.

It started with candy, but that had abruptly changed when you’d gotten your first piggy bank. At first, you believed your mom when she had told you that the fairies, she read to you about before bed, had needed it, but you obviously grew older and you knew that “fairy” by name now. 

“Fucking asshole!“, you yelled, kicking your dresser.

Your money was gone. All of it. Andrew Henderson hadn’t just taken your car, as if that wasn’t enough. He had taken all of your hard-earned money. Your college money. And he didn’t even have the decency to leave your wallet behind. You went over to your closet and found Dustin’s money still there, untouched. You were relieved and closed your eyes for a second thanking a higher power before you took out a twenty, closing and covering it back up with one of your jackets.

To be clear, that wasn’t your brother's money, it was yours but you had been saving it for him since nobody else did.

You walked over to your brother's room and opened the coin box he kept on his desk. It had been emptied as well. You let out a sad chuckle and put the twenty in there. You also planted a note inside: ”Had to borrow some change, gonna put it back later. Love you, Y/N.”

You went to the kitchen and suddenly everything overwhelmed you. You couldn’t hold your tears back this time. He went too far. Everyone went too far. Your car was gone, your chance to get a decent education was gone, and you had lost your best friend. All in one day.

You started sobbing for real when you glanced at the clock. It was 9.30 on a Sunday morning. Dustin left every Sunday at 8.30 to meet the party at the Byer’s place. Joyce Byers wasn’t too big on religion, so for Mike and Lucas, the early meetings were a good escape plan from their parents trying to drag them to church.

So you were finally all by yourself and were able to let your guard down.

You had reached your limit and you really needed to talk to someone, but who was left to talk to?

Your best friend had ruined everything last night and he had been the only person, you had trusted in a very long time. Although trusting someone to you meant something completely different, then it meant to most people. 

The ringing of the doorbell was what brought you back from you wallowing in self-pity.

“For fuck sake“, you whispered, wiping away your tears and getting up from the cold floor. You ran to your room and picked the jeans, you were wearing last night up, pulling them over your underwear. You were about to head to the front door when you decided it was better to swap the shirt, you had slept in, for a sweater.

The doorbell rang again followed by pounding on the front door and one of the windows.

“Coming!“, you yelled infuriated.

You stumbled through the mess to the front door and swung it wide open glaring at the person outside. When you noticed who it was you took a step back.

“Henderson, nice to see you again.“, the boy standing in front of you said with a sarcastic tone to his words.

You just rolled your eyes and tried to shut the door but he put his foot between the door and its frame.

“Oh, we’re not done here!“, he said, smiling and licking his teeth, demanding a response by pushing the door open again.

“Just leave it, Billy! I’m not in the mood for this.“, you spat out staring at him with furrowed brows.

“I decide when someone gets to be in the mood to talk to me!“, Billy chuckled, taking a step towards you.

“Where are my keys?“, he said, harshly pushing his index finger against your chest, staring at you, his eyes narrow and dark, but a witty smile still on his face.

You grabbed his arm and pushed it down.

“Don’t fucking touch me again, Hargrove!“, you yelled, panic shooting through your body like pinpricks.

He just laughed again taking another step towards you bending down until he was so close that the right side of his face was touching your left. You flinched and tried to move away but he put his hands on both of your shoulders, his nails digging into your flesh. He reeked of alcohol and cigarettes and you were positive you were going to throw up. You stood there, petrified.

“I also decide when... and where I touch you“, he whispered, sliding his hands down your sides until they were on your waist.

Again you tried to free yourself, wanting to yell at him to stop, but there were no words coming out of your mouth and he pushed you against the wall.

You felt his warm, moist breath on your neck and you could almost taste the alcohol he had drowned himself in the night before. His fingers wandered around your waist and were brushing against your butt. You were shivering, feeling your stomach turn and your heart drop, still unable to move.

And then he let you go, pushing you against that wall again.

You turned your face away from the boy and looked down in disgust, while he laughed at you.

Tears were threatening to fall again and you wanted to crawl right out of your skin.

“Now, that I made myself clear: Where are my keys?“, he hissed, cracking his knuckles.

“They... they’re at your house.“, you responded, your voice quiet and shaky, “Your dad has them.“

Jonathan had driven Max home last night since he had to get Will anyway and Max was supposed to leave his keys with Mr. Hargrove.

You instantly regretted telling him because he got even tenser. You flinched as Billy threateningly planted himself in front of you once again, clenching his fists. He darted and you winced, but his fist never met your cheek.

You opened your eyes and he turned away laughing to himself, leaving you behind, frozen in place.

“You’re a pathetic little bitch, Henderson! This isn’t over!”, he yelled making his way down the stairs leading into the driveway, flipping you off before turning the corner.

You closed your eyes.

Finally making it out of your spot, slamming the front door shut and struggling to lock it since your hands were shaking so hard.

You ran over to the bathroom, barely making it to the sink. You felt so sick to your stomach, you actually had to throw up. Everything started to spin and you just wanted to scream. You felt so empty.

You sat on the floor hugging your knees, crying and wishing you’d just disappear into thin air. ✧

Tag-List: @apologeticallyy

[qorillas]

happy d-day it’s a national holiday so i stayed up all night to write y’all a fic and had to go to a 12.5 hour work shift on no sleep so fucking. appreciate this

2000+ words, studoc because this is my house. d-day gives me lots of emotions

When Stuart walks into the living room at 4am for a glass of water, the last thing he is expecting to see is Murdoc digging through a chewed-up cardboard box of old cassettes as if his life depends on it.

“What’re you doing,” he asks bluntly, and it’s a testament to how many things he’s had to put up with over the years that this is phrased like a statement rather than an actual question, and that there’s no real surprise behind his words anymore. Stu’s been through the wringer, okay. You don’t get spirited off to a parallel space dimension and force-fed an entire fridge by an anthropomorphic slice of pizza without losing a bit of astonishment for everyday things like this.

Murdoc looks up, startled, for a second, then plunges his arms back into the box and starts rummaging around loudly again. “Found some old VHS tapes in the back of the garage,” he says, then stops for a second and yanks one out with much more vigor than is strictly needed and a loud clatter. He barks out a victorious laugh and shoves the box off to the side, kicking the tapes he’s already scattered across the floor out of his way and kneeling down in front of the television set. “C’mere, come look at this.”

“‘S 4am, Muds,” Stuart protests, but he shuffles over and plops himself down on the battered couch anyway. “What is it?”

Murdoc has somehow managed to coax the TV set into accepting the VHS tape and is fiddling with the knobs at the bottom of the screen. “Y’know how we got Noodle that video recorder that first Christmas we had her?”

Stu hums in agreement and wraps a throw blanket around himself. He can’t remember much about something back that far, but there’s a faint memory of Noodle tearing open a box and shrieking with delight as she ran around shoving a chunky, early-2000s camcorder in everyone’s faces. “Those her tapes?”

“No, they’re my amateur pornos.” The screen flickers to life and Murdoc settles back on his haunches before looking at him and grinning, illuminated by weak blue light. “Only joshing, I keep those on DVD.”

“Y’know, it says a lot about you that I can’t tell if you’re really joking or not about that.”

“Fuck off, not like I’d let you see ‘em anyway,” Murdoc says, then adds with a leer, “Least, not when you’ve got the real thing right here.” He makes his way back to the couch and settles into the other side, shoving his cold feet under Stuart’s legs and dragging more than half of the blanket over himself.

Stu makes a noise of protest. “Oi, that’s my blanket, get your own.”

“What’s yours is mine, love,” Murdoc says, and Stuart promptly shoves his heel into his crotch. “Argh, for the love of—”

They kick each other for a few seconds before Murdoc relinquishes part of the blanket back, pressing himself closer to Stu so that they can both fit underneath. “Look, you’re missing the whole fucking thing, pay attention.”

“You started it,” Stu mumbles, but leans back, satisfied. On screen, a practice session, probably from the band’s first few months, has already started. The scene isn’t centered in the slightest; half of it is obscured by an amplifier sitting in the way, and every few seconds the camera jolts as a tiny Noodle picks it up and moves it to a new position. She’s obviously sitting on the floor, trying to set it up so that the camera records them as they practice. Finally she manages to set it at an angle where it’s tilted up at the band, and runs out from behind to take her place next to a much younger Stuart, who has his hand down his trousers and is scratching himself, oblivious to the presence of the camera right at his feet.

“Nice,” Murdoc cackles from beside him, and scoots away as Stu aims another kick at him under the blanket. “Absolutely lovely. No, really, look at you, Dents. Satan, what a catch. Twenty years later, and nothing much has changed, eh?”

On the television, Murdoc steps forward into the shot, shoots a furtive glance at Noodle and Stuart, faced away from him, and sticks his hand down his jeans to scratch himself as well.

“Oh, nice,” Stuart parrots back at his own Murdoc, who is looking much more sour now. “Twenty years later and not much has changed, ‘s that what you said, yeah?”

“Will you just — shut up. Not like anybody noticed.”

“Muds, get your hands out your damn pants,” Russel says from somewhere off to the side of the camera. “You touch our instruments with those, nasty-ass—”

Stuart’s snickering and Murdoc’s groan almost drowns out the faltering voice of the Stuart onscreen. The sound is a little bit tinny, but pretty decent for a tape that’s just spent two decades in a moldering cardboard box. “Hey, uh, what song’re we doin’ again, because, uh, I know we just said, but I wanna make sure I’m singing the right one—”

“It’s Re-Hash, idiot, just like it’s been for the past four times.” Although Murdoc’s voice is the same as ever, Stuart notes, the years have had an unmistakable effect on his looks. The bassist plucking at his strings on the television has a much rounder face and tanner skin than the one sitting next to him now, and the red contact that used to be omnipresent in his left eye has long since been discarded. The bags under his eyes are much less pronounced, as well, making him look soft, round and baby-faced in comparison to his current, more angular appearance, although Stuart doesn’t think he’s any less handsome.

Murdoc notices him sizing him up out of the corner of his eye (how he does it, Stuart doesn’t know, since he has no pupils to show where his gaze is lying.) “What?”

“Nothing. Y’look different, that’s all.”

“Twenty years can do that to a person. You’re no spring chicken yourself, mate.”

“No, I know, but I didn’t mean it like bad-different. Just, different-different. You look less like a baby, ‘s what I’m saying. More like a — a velociraptor, or somethin’."

“A velociraptor.”

“Pointy, y’know.” Stuart motions helplessly. “And green.”

Murdoc’s voice is dry. “Pointy and green. What a compliment, 2D, thank you. Really, I appreciate it.”

“Look, I dunno, it’s 4am, Muds, ‘m tired.” Stuart sighs and wraps himself tighter, leaning his head against Murdoc’s shoulder. “Can’t we watch this tomorrow?”

“Hush up,” he says with no real vitriol, and threads his fingers through Stuart’s hair. “I just wanna see this part.”

The light pours off the screen in shades of cyan, casting long shadows across the living room that jump erratically with the occasional roll of static. Stuart likes to watch it, likes the blue darkness that pools in the corners of the room, settles in the folds of his blanket, collects under the fringe near Murdoc’s eyes. He thinks it’s like being swept under a wing, or sleeping in a blanket fort right up against a window, cool and safe, free but protected. Maybe it’s a little bit like what moonlight must feel like, or maybe moonshadows. Something intangible. Something that blankets your heart.

“D’you ever think about what it would have been like if it didn’t happen?”

Murdoc’s voice is low and musing, less of a question than a thought opened to the air. He’s still looking at the screen, and if Stuart hadn’t been paying attention, he might have thought he didn’t say anything at all.

“If I didn’t happen, I mean. To you.”

It’s a question that Stuart’s asked himself periodically over the past twenty years. Sometimes more often, sometimes few and far between. There have been many times that he has looked in the mirror and not recognized himself — he remembers that sometimes, when they were recording the self-titled, or even Demon Days, he would wake up and stumble into the bathroom and start screaming because he had forgotten what had happened to him and he didn’t recognize the black eyed, toothless face that stared back. There have been many times that he has looked at pictures of himself from the past and not recognized himself either — they had all gone to Crawley to visit his mother and the headless Cyborg for his last birthday, and when his mother had brought out the old photo albums Stuart had not for the life of him been able to pick himself out of a group of his school friends. At times he has thought about this question and squashed down the thoughts that roiled up deep inside of him because all the what-ifs and could-haves made him want to vomit. At times he has looked around him, looked at Murdoc, and thought that he would not have wanted it any way else.

Of course he thinks about what it would have been like. Of course. He’s only human, after all.

Onscreen, Noodle interrupts a muffled argument that had broken out between them all with rapid Japanese and launches into the beginning, jangling riffs of Re-Hash. Murdoc’s eyes have still not left the screen, but the question still drifts in the air.

“I think,” says Stuart, “that if you hadn’t happened to me, then everything would be different. But not bad-different. Just. Different-different, right? And maybe — maybe there’s other worlds out there where you didn’t happen t’me, and maybe there’s some where you happened too much. Maybe there’s infinite worlds out there, and everything and everyone that’s happened to me, or you, or anyone, did or didn’t happen, in all the different combinations possible.”

He’s singing now, on the television, and it’s strange to hear his voice coming from the Stuart that he is and the Stuart that he was simultaneously. Re-Hash rolls over them, humming in the background like static:

It’s a sweet sensation over the dub

Oh, what a situation that don’t wanna stop

It’s the drugstore soul boy over the dub

With the sweetest inspiration, we don’t wanna stop

“The point is,” he continues, and the light is stretched across Murdoc’s face now as he looks down at him, piercing and straight on, curving electric down his cheek, stark against his dark eyes, “that I do think about it. It’s something that happened, and not something anyone can ignore. And sometimes I’m happy about it, ‘n sometimes I’m sad, and mostly I don’t know. But I can’t change it, and you can’t change it, ‘cause this is our reality, right? All we can do is make peace with it, really. ‘S different-different, and for me, at least, I think that’s okay.”

It is very quiet, the barest hint of music floating out towards them from the video. Then Murdoc nods, and gently presses his lips to Stuart’s temple.

“Guess you’ve changed over the past twenty years too, Stu.” The pad of Murdoc’s thumb brushes Stuart’s cheek, and Stuart lets his head fall to press against Murdoc’s chest, feeling his heart beat as the TV plays, and thinks that, just maybe, Murdoc had to happen to him, like someone out there’s writing their lives out like a story, like no matter what, it couldn’t ever have been any other way. Maybe that makes them soulmates, he supposes. Just a little bit.

He can hear his own voice singing in tandem with Noodle’s, and Russel’s, and Murdoc’s on the television. He’s always liked Re-Hash, because it was the first song they ever wrote and performed together as a band, and because it’s the only song where they all sing together as one, his own voice pressing them forward, Russel steady underneath, Murdoc rumbling low at the bottom, and Noodle skating over the top. Stuart leans back into the couch, facing the television again, watching himself crowded around a battered microphone with Noodle and Murdoc, Russel at his drumset in the back. He reaches up to the hand cupping his cheek, twining his fingers into it, and he squeezes gently, and softly, tentatively, Murdoc squeezes back.

The darkness crouches in the corners like a lingering embrace, the light spilling bright across the two of them together in comforting blues, and in that moment, everything that has ever happened is meant to be.

[all-hallows-scream]

Book Recs for Autumn and Halloween !

So as a lot of you probably know, I love horror stories and Halloween-y books. I read them year round, like many of you probably do also, but when autumn rolls around I think we can all agree we need a few really good books for the season. In no particular order, these are a few of my personal favs!

1. Tithe by Holly Black

This book is one of my all time favorites, and as I’m sure you can tell, is all about faeries. I read this every year around October/September. It’s not necessarily a happy go lucky fairytale story. It’s dark and makes you fear the seelie court as well as wish you could visit it yourself. Black’s writing is absolutely beautiful as well, so that’s always a plus. I recommend every single book she’s ever written they’re all amazing and perfect for Halloween.

2. Slasher Girls & Monster Boys by April Genevieve Tucholke

Okay so technically this isn’t written by Tucholke. This book was compiled by her. SG&MB is a collection of horror short stories by various other authors including Cat Winters, Danielle, Paige,  Megan Shepherd, Kendare Blake, and A.G. Howard. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I liked every single story in the book. And, to top it all off, they’re all inspired by other works such as The Birds, Alice in Wonderland, and I Know What You Did Last Summer. (”In the Forest Dark and Deep” is based off of Alice in Wonderland and is my personal favorite.)

3. The Diviners by Libba Bray

I have a lot of feelings about this book, and I’m not entirely sure how to put them in words. This book ... y’all ... it’s incredible. It’s set in 1920′s New York and is all about, you guessed it, Diviners. Specifically, a Diviner named Evie who is trying to help solve murders being done by a serial killer who ... uhhh ... happens to be a ghost brought back through a ouija board. Explaining that sounds a little bit cheesy but I swear on my grave this book is well worth the read. However! It is quite long. 578 pages to be exact. But again, so very worth it. And the third book is coming out October 3rd!

4. The Merciless and Survive the Night by Danielle Vega

Now .. truly I didn’t want to have two books by the same author on this list but both of these books are amazing and I couldn’t chose. The Merciless is like .. The Exorcist meets Mean Girls. It was very fun to read and stayed that way until the last few chapters where things started getting very intense and way creepy. Survive the Night is a rave underground gone horribly wrong when people start getting killed by someone or ... something? Both are very good and get very wild towards the end. In a good way, though!

5. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

I’ve read this book a million times. However, I haven’t read it in a while so I think that’ll be one of my reads this month! The Night Circus is about a circus that appears without warning and is only open at night. Le Cirque des Rêves ; the circus of dreams. This circus is primarily created by our two main characters who are competing against each other; it’s a duel between the two magicians. That they’re completely unaware of.  Because of this duel, they create beautiful, amazing circus tents that could literally only exist in a dream. I’m horrible at describing this book, so please, read it and you’ll see what I mean! You might not be able to read it all in one sitting though. When I first read it I had to take breaks between chapters to “catch my breath” so to speak!

6. The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty

I think we all know what The Exorcist is. Hailed as a classic horror movie by many. Which I truthfully don’t understand because after reading the book, the movie seemed tame. This book scared the hell out of me. It was so incredibly creepy and I loved every second of it. The movie actually skipped one of my favorite book scenes which was a bit disappointing. I could not put the book down though, and honestly got chills a few times. I don’t think I need to explain any further why you should read it this Halloween!

7. Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy

Okay. This book is in fact more of a middle grade book. But the plus side of that is that it’s an easy read, as well as very well written and entertaining. It’s full of magic and kicking ass. The concept sounds silly; a magical skeleton detective with a twelve year old side kick who only just found out she can also do magic. It definitely sounds like a kids book. But it’s so incredibly funny and just good. I did start the series when I was about thirteen, so I might be biased, but I still reread the series to this day and enjoy every second of it! There are, I believe, 10 books in the series as well as four novellas, but reading just the first one is good enough to get your Halloween fix. I don’t even have the last two books. The only problem with this series is that you have to order it from Ireland because I believe only the first two books were released in the U.S.

8. My Best Friend’s Exorcism by Grady Hendrix

This book is just another demon possession story but it’s very entertaining. It’s set in the 80s and one night after a bad acid trip, Gretchen, Abby’s best friend, seems to get possessed. Things get wild from there as everyone but Abby abandons her, and then the tables turn as the demon seemingly flips a switch and makes Gretchen a perfect student, gaining everyone’s trust and affection,  making them turn their backs on Abby. It’s a wild ride from start to finish and you’ll probably hate everyone in the book at one point, but it’s a great read. And the cover looks like a campy 80s horror movie VHS art!

9. Masque of the Red Death by Bethany Griffin

If you like Edgar Allan Poe, you’ll like this book. It includes steampunk, the plague, clubs, glitter, death ... what more could you ask for? Griffin states that she wanted to know more about the characters of Poe’s short story, and that’s where her story originated. A very good read, whether it’s Halloween or not!

10. Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake

I read this book a while ago but still stand by the fact that it was a great read. This book is about a boy named Cas who’s purpose on this Earth is to kill the undead aka ghost, demons, etc. When we meet Cas, his goal is to find Anna Dressed in Blood, a notorious ghost, and send her back to where she belongs. The issue is that she kills anyone who enters her house, wrapped up in the rage of her brutal murder. And of course, you probably guessed it, she let’s Cas live. It sounds a little cliche, but it’s a great seasonal read and if you’re looking for something easy to pick up one day, it’s perfect!

I wish I could include more books on this list but unfortunately, many of the ones I wanted to include I haven’t actually finished yet. They’re amazing, but I think before I decide to recommend them to people, I should finish them first! Hopefully next year I’ll have a lot of new books to recommend! Hope you enjoy this list!

What books do you think should be on here?

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Does Kara ever babysit Alex, or would she be too busy for that? ...Does Clark ever babysit Alex?

An excellent question! Here’s the thirteen page answer:

Lana'sintrigued when Clark refuses to tell her why he can't come over afterschool.

“Areyou grounded?” she asks. And then she gasps, floored by the merepossibility. “Oh my god... is Clark Kent grounded?”A wide grin creeps across her face. “Someone alert the media. ClarkKent is grounded!”

“I'mnot grounded,” Clark rolls his eyes, mildly appalled that Lanawould even think sucha thing. Does she know him at all?“Why on earth would I be grounded?”

Lanataps her chin. “Hmmm. Good point. You never doanything or goanywhere so like. How would you even get into trouble?”

“Exactly.”

“...Thatwas an insult, Clark.”

DuringSpanish class, the back of his calves take a beating, what with Lanakicking them, beggingfor more information. He barely registers the feeling of the shoesagainst his legs but, the desk squeaks when her chair moves.

“I'mbabysitting,” hehisses, in hopes of putting an end to the interrogation.

Lanatilts her head to one side. “Oh. Is that all?”

“Yeah.”

“Whoare you babysitting?” And Clark sighs, because now he'll have tolie. Kind of.

“Uh,just some kid my cousin looks after, sometimes.”

“Herein town?” Kara hasn't lived in Smallville for years.

“...Imean. She...used to babysit her.”

Fortunately,the bell rings before Lana has a chance to work the math andrealizing he's spewing nonsense. He takes off, promising to call heron Saturday, or whatever.

Hefinishes his English homework, but still has History to work on bythe time five o'clock rolls around.

“Doyou have everything?” Ma asks, leaning against his bedroom door.Clark zips up his Jansport.

“Uh,think so.”

“You'llcall if you need anything?”

Clarkchuckles. “Not sure what you guys are gonna be able to do fromKansas, Ma...”he reminds her.

Shegives him a quick peck on the cheek as he trots out into the hall.“Humor me.”

“Alright,I'll call.”

“Thankyou.”

He'sa little ahead of schedule, so he opts to run rather than fly. Hearrives in a cloud of dust on the Danvers' front porch.

“Oh!”Eliza exclaims, coughing a little and waving off the column of reddirt. “...Hello Clark.”

“Hi,”Clark wipes his sneakers on the mat, but that doesn't seem to domuch, other than kick up more dust. He regards Eliza's startledexpression, and frowns. “Um. Kara told you I'm filling in for her,right?” he asks. “That...that something came up? And she wasneeded off-world?”

“Shedid,” Eliza assures him, and Clark realizes she's probably justreacting to his...interesting entrance.

Sheinvites him in, all the while relaying some hasty instructions.Apparently, the doctors Danvers are running a bit late.

(Clarksuddenly feels bad for taking the scenic route, but Eliza tells himthey're always running late, and not to give it a secondthought.)

“We'llprobably be back around one...maybe two. At the latest.”

“Lizzy,we've gotta go,” Jeremiah tells her, attempting to usher his wifeout the door. He pauses briefly to greet Clark. “Oh, hey slugger!”

Clarkgrins. “Hey Jeremiah.”

“There'smoney in the kitchen for pizza—or, if you don't like pizza, there'salways—”

“Whodoesn't like pizza?”Jeremiah interjects, angling for the door. Eliza ignores him.

“—takeoutmenus in the desk by the fridge. The emergency numbers—”

Jeremiahpipes up again. “He's Superboy!When there's an emergency, people call him!”

“—areon the memo pad by the phone...what else, what else...oh! Bedtime iseight o'clock. Sharp.Don't let her sweet talk you.”

Clarknods firmly. “Right. Got it. Eight o'clock.” He looks around.“Um. Where is—?”

“Hon,”Jeremiah beseeches, “we're late.”

“Iknow, I know, just let me get my purse...”

Andbefore Clark can get the full question out—where is Alex?—Elizaand Jeremiah are out the door and down the front driveway, wavinggoodbye and thanking him again.

Clarkmakes sure to wave back before shutting the door and venturingfurther into the living room. Hands on his hips, he looks around,curious as to where his small charge is hiding.

“Alex?”He calls.

Noanswer.

Hetries again, and the house remains quiet. Not even a patter of sockson hardwood. He doesn't panic; he can hear Alex's heartbeat, so she'shere somewhere.

Heturns, squinting a little (he doesn't really have to squint touse his X-Ray vision—it's a habit he's picked up from Kara) butbehind him, he hears a sudden ker-PLING.

Asmall foam dart bounces off the back of his head.

Hewhirls, and Alex Danvers glares at him from her hiding place behindthe armchair, brandishing a nerf gun.

“You'renot Kara.”

Theysit across from one another at the kitchen table, waiting on thepizza.

Alexstares at Clark, and Clark squirms under her appraising gaze.

“...Doyou know how to play Old Maid?” she asks.

“...No,”he admits.

Shehuffs.

“Karaknows how to play Old Maid.”

The'List of Things Kara Can Do That Clark Can't' is lengthy and Clark isconvinced it exists solely for the purposes of  making thisevening more unpleasant than it needs to be.

“Well...”Clark thinks for a moment. “...I know how to play Go Fish?”

“OldMaid is better.”

“Uh.”Clark scratches his ear. “Maybe...you wanna teach me to play it?”

Alexhums and kicks her feet, looking altogether uninterested in theprospect of explaining the rules of the card game.

“Whatabout Chutes and Ladders?” she asks.

AndClark sighs. He's at a disadvantage here—the Kents were well intotheir fifties when they found Clark and Kara. Ma and Pa never had anykids of their own, so obviously they had no grandchildren, andtherefore no clueas to what might interest 'the youth nowadays.'

Whatthey did have was two aliens they had to somehow explain tothe neighbors. Purchasing age-appropriate board games was low ontheir list of priorities. Heck, a color TV was low on theirlist of priorities. (Another cow? Now, that was a must-have.)

“Uh...”Clark mentally reviews the games they have back home. An old Monopolyboard, an incomplete set of Chinese Checkers, and a box of dominoes.He sighs in defeat. “...Sorry.”

“Thisis boring,” Alex mutters quietly, and Clark feels guilty.It's bad enough Alex was expecting and looking forward to Kara; thatClark is a poor substitute just makes it worse.

“Wecould...watch a movie?” Clark suggests. And though Alex still looksupset (and Clark can't really blame her) she at least seemsinterested.

Shenarrows her eyes. “Do I get to pick?”

“Sure,”Clark shrugs.

“Mmm...okay,”she decides, hopping off the chair and rushing to the living room.Clark follows after, bracing himself for whatever kid movie he'llhave to sit through for the next hour and a half.

He'sthinking something like, Fern Gully or maybe Aladdin.And when he joins Alex in the living room, yes, there are numerousDisney VHS tapes littering the floor, and a handful of theless-successful animated fare he sometimes hears about in passing.

ButAlex sifts through the them, bypassing the brightly-colored plasticcases and withdrawing a plain VHS.

Scrawledon the white label running along the side: A New Hope

StarWars.

Clarkhasn't seen any ofthem; Ma and Pa are about as up-to-date with their collection offilms as they are with their board games. Lana doesn't like sci-fi,and Kara...Clark is pretty sure his cousin's seen the first movie,but her tastes tend to run more towards When Harry MetSally and Sleepless inSeattle.

Alexhands him the tape.

“Thisone.”

AndClark is so excited, he's got the TV on and the tape in the VCRbefore he thinks to ask if Alex is actually allowed to watchthis.

Shenods. “I've seen it twice,” she says proudly, taking aseat on the couch. “My dad let me watch all three.”

AndClark really wants to ask if they have all three, but hethinks maybe he should play it cool. He's the adult here,after all.

Hepushes the tape in and hits 'play.'

They'renot very far along in the movie when Alex hands him the remote. Hestares at it for a moment, confused.

“Karadoesn't like this part,” Alex explains. “She fast-forwards pastit.”

AndClark, well. He's not about to fast forward through any of it.He's kind of loving this? And he's more than a little upset with hiscousin for not telling him how cool this movie is.

Ofcourse, not even three minutes later, he begins to understand.

Alexscoots a little closer and, quietly, tells him, “Sorry about yourplanet.” Perceptive lil' kid, that Alex.

Ofcourse, Clark can't quite articulate that he's not reacting toAlderaan's destruction—that he's actually reacting to notreacting. That of course Kara hates this movie, how could she not?A planet's destruction treated like a minor plot point. A footnote.An afterthought.

ButClark doesn't share her righteous indignation. Should, but can't.Krypton's destruction isn't real to him the way it is to Kara. It's abedtime story. One that Kara's told him over, and over, and over...

“WhenI was a child, our planet Krypton was dying...”

Thedoorbell rings, and the pizza arrives, saving Clark from any furtherintrospection.

“Couldyou beat a Jedi?” Alex asks him.

Clark'son his fourth piece of pizza and his earlier gloomy thoughts aremostly forgotten.

“Ohyeah,” Clark tells her. “Absolutely.”

Alexdoesn't look convinced.

“Butyou don't even have a lightsaber.”

“Iwouldn't need one,” Clark argues. “I have heat vision.”

“Youcan't fight a Jedi with heat vision,” Alex admonishes him.

“What?Who made up that rule?” Clark teases her. Alex, though,maintains that a lightsaber is necessary—vital, even—in fightingthe Sith. (Or the 'mean Jedis,' as she calls them.)

“Pffft,”Clark rolls his eyes. “I fight alien bad guys all the timewithout a lightsaber.”

“Howcome you're not on the news?” Alex asks, flopping back on the couchand playing with one of her stuffed animals. “Kara's on the news alot.”

Clark'sface goes a little pink at having been caught in—not quite a lie.An exaggeration, maybe.

“Okayso I don't fight them all the time,” Clark admits, and Alexlaughs when he stuffs another piece of pizza in his mouth. “Butwhen I do...I don't need a lightsaber.”

Alexfalls asleep sometime during the second half of The Empire StrikesBack, slumped against Clark on the couch, one arm curled aroundher stuffed otter.

SoClark has to be very quiet when he freaks out over the factthat Darth Vader is Luke's dad?!

He'sstill not over it by the movie's end, eagerly shuffling VHS tapesaround until he finds the one labeled Return of the Jedi.

He'salmost tempted to forgo rewinding the tape in the VCR but, no. Karaand the Kents raised him better than that.

Sohe situates himself in front of the TV, listening to the high-pitchedwhir of the device as it works. He lets his senses wander alittle; distant sounds begin to take more concrete shape, but he'snot paying too much attention to the crickets, the cars, theocean.

Butthen there's a distant boom. Like thunder, almost.

Heturns slightly. He didn't check the forecast before running out here,but he could swear that the skies had been clear allevening...

Hecloses his eyes and actively listens. There's a kind of...crackle, inthe air. It really does sound like a storm...

Couldit be Kara? He wonders,listening for a heartbeat. There's no sound of engines, so planes areout. And Kara's not supposed to be back for another day or so...

Somethingplummets into the Arizona desert. Clark can just barely hear theearth give way, one state over.

...Probablynothing. He reasons, shiftinghis weight and brushing his fingers over the controls on the TV.Just...space debris. Apiece of a satellite that—

Theinhuman screech catches him off guard; he jumps, and claps his handsover his ears.

“Sweetcheese and crackers,” he mutters, panic beginning to settle in. Hewonders if Kara's Nokia will have any reception, out past Venus.Because he's...at a loss, as to what he's supposed to do.

Onthe one hand, there's clearly some sort of alien threatcurrently slithering around out there, and he's the only Kryptoniancurrently on-planet.

Onthe other hand, he has to keep an eye on Alex.

Hetrots to the kitchen, and finds the list of emergency numbers.

Hecalls the next door neighbor, and gets the machine.

There'sa cousin in Sacramento, and a great uncle in Redding. Clark doesn'tbother with either; there is no lie big enough, no cover storyconvincing enough to explain how a sixteen year old compresseda seven hour trip into three minutes.

Okay,okay...he paces the length ofthe kitchen. Maybe he could get ahold of some of Kara's superherofriends?

No,that won't work either. Clark only knows the crazy fish guy, and herefuses to come on land.

He'sgoing to have to deal with this himself.

Andhe's going to have to do it quick, so that Alex won't be alone fortoo long.

Nota problem, he decides. Won'ttake more than...half an hour. At most.

Heputs the phone back and leaves the kitchen--

Onlyto find Alex standing in the doorway, eyeing him with suspicion.

“What'swrong?” she asks.

“What?Nothing!” Clark lies through his teeth. Alex crosses her arms.

“You'vegot mom's list.”

“...Huh?”

Shepoints to the piece of yellow memo pad paper clenched in his fist.“Those are the numbers you hafta call if something badhappens,” she tosses in an eye roll for effect. “I'm not dumbyou know.”

“...Areyou allowed to say dumb?”

“No.”

“Oh.Well. Don't say 'dumb' then,” Clark tells her firmly, stuffing thelist into his pocket and heading for the front door. He locates hissneakers, and pulls them on.

Whichis all well and good—but when Alex joins him, tugging on her shoesand grabbing her jacket from the hook, he holds up a hand.

“Oh—ohno. You're not—Alex. You're staying here.”

“Issomeone else gonna come watch me?”

“...Uh—”

“Ican't stay here all by myself,”she says it like it should beobvious. And, to be fair, it really should be. “So I gotta go withyou!”

“I—Ihave to go do something. For Kara. And it's gonna be dangerous.”Clark explains. Alex ignores him and continues with her shoes,struggling with the laces until she finally gives up and plants herleft foot in front of Clark.

“Doyou tie 'em with the bunny ears?”

Clarkslaps his forehead. Of all the weekends for Kara to beoff-world...

Hefinds himself stooping in spite of it all, tying Alex's shoes and,yes, using the bunny-ear method. He read somewhere that consistencyis important for kids.

Oncehe's finished, he stands. “Alex,” he tries again, pitching hisvoice low and planting his hands on his hips. “I have a job to do,and you have to stay here.”

Alexmimics his pose, and somehow looks more convincing.

(Notfair!)

“Ifyou don't take me with,” she counters, thrusting her chin forwardin defiance, “I'll tell my parents.”

Whichis how Clark Kent ends up stooped behind a craggy rock formation inthe middle of Nowhere, Arizona, with Alex Danvers riding piggy-back.

“Gross,”she mutters into the hood of his sweatshirt. “You're all sweaty.”

Clarkrarely sweats—he's not sure if this is a Kryptonian thing, or justa Clark thing—but he's certainly sweating now, what with an unknownalien threat somewhere out there in the dark, and a kid on hisback.

“Shhhh,”he commands, “you gotta be quiet if you're gonna be outhere, okay?”

“Okay,”Alex nods solemnly against his shoulder. And then, in anot-all-that-quiet whisper, “it's really dark.”

Clarkis inclined to agree. Clouds are obscuring the moon, which leaves thelandscape something of an eerie mystery.

Nothing,though, can hide the writhing mass of gross currently oozingits way across the sand. Clark swallows audibly. It's big, and dragsitself across the ground with a bunch of...legs? Arms? Appendages ofsome sort?

Hereleases his hold on Alex's legs, signaling for her to slide off. Shereluctantly does so, and hunkers down beside him.

“Okayyou...you stay here,” Clark tells her, eyes fixed on the creature.He's struggling to think through a plan, but fortunately, thecreature appears to be moving rather slowly, and doesn't seem to posean immediate threat to civilians; the closest populated area is milesoff. “I'm gonna, um.”

“Talkto it?” Alex asks, and Clark just stares. “Kara always talksfirst, then she punches stuff.”

“Right,yeah. I'll...do that,” he says, but hesitates. It takes a small,'Go!' from Alex to get him up and over the rock formation, andbounding out to greet their strange visitor from another planet.

“Staythere!” he belatedly calls over his shoulder, and winces when herealizes he's just alerted the alien to his presence.

There'sa kind of keening gurgle, and the lump of flesh pauses, turning itsbulk towards Clark.

Havinglost the element of surprise, Clark bites the bullet and put himselfsquarely in front of the alien. He subconsciously channels AlexDanvers as he clenches his fists and strikes the most heroic pose hecan muster.

“Um...”he momentarily blanks on what to say. “...Greetings?”

Thealien creature gurgles softly.

Clarkclears his throat.

“Ah...welcometo Earth.”

Silence.

Clarkdeflates a little, and scratches his head, wishing he'd taken Kara upon her offer to teach him a few alien languages. “Doyou...speak...ah. Understand...English?”

There'sa ripple across the alien's ruddy hide, and it begins to shift. Clarktenses, stepping back.

Itstands. Expands? Lifts its considerable mass from the ground andClark is pretty sure he sees rows of teeth in what he assumesis the alien's mouth.

Ohno.

Heknows Alex is watching, because he hears her heart start to race. Thealien...he doesn't detect a distinct pulse, but there's a kind ofwatery rhythm that emanates from deep within the creature. Right now,it's loud, almost like the tide.

“Okay,now, waitaminute—” Clark throws his hands up.

Thealien does the same.

AndClark panics; without thinking, his eyes ignite and he's suddenlysending a surge of heat vision right at it. The alien shrieks andrecoils, body sloshing and undulating like Jell-o. Clark blinksrapidly, cutting off the beams.

“Oh,n—”

THWACK!

Ameaty arm slams into Clark's midsection, sending him flying. He landsa good thirty feet away, making a Clark-shaped imprint in the ground.

“Clark!”Alex yelps.

“I'mokay!” he yells back. Sore, but okay.

Hepicks himself up, but the alien is already right on top of him. He'staken aback by its speed; apparently, it can get moving when it wantsto.

Anotherlarge arm and/or leg smashes into him, pummeling him further into thedirt. He coughs and sputters.

Ugh.

Hehurries to scramble out from under the beast, but the alien pins himeasily. His mind races. Think, think, think!He sucks in a deep breath and exhales. A layer of ice coats theunderside of the alien.

Itkeens once more, and Clark is able to break free. He sprints backtowards Alex. This was a badidea. That thing is strong, and gross,and he should've...should've done something else.Because he certainly can't handle this.

Heskids to a stop. He can't lead the alien to Alex.

Buthe has to get Alex outof there.

“Clark,look out!”

FWUMP!

Thealien bodyslams him.Suddenly, all Clark can see, smell, hear is a slippery wall ofnastiness that is somehow both squishy andfirm.

It'sgross.

Thewatery sound of the alien's innards once again fills Clark's ears,and he kicks and flails, struggling for air. Anytime he tries to takea deep breath, all he gets is more alien.

So.Gross.

Distantly,he can hear Alex yelling. Clark! Claaaark!

Hegrunts, and orients himself, reaching and flailing until his armbrushes something solid and sandy.

Theground.

Hethrusts his feet in that direction, thrilled when they make contact.Simultaneously, he pushes against the slimy alien, cringing witheffort.

Thealien lets out another of its piercing shrieks as Clark hoists theentire thing over his head.

Alexcheers, but the victory is short-lived. Holding on to the alien is alot like holding on to a bunch of water balloons; or, moreaccurately, one giantwater balloon. A sentient water balloon that can spill itself overand around and awayfrom the portion being held up by Clark.

Atleast it's no longer on top of him.

Hejumps to get clear, hovering a short distance off. It rears up, andhe's prepared to blast it with heat vision again, since the freezebreath didn't seem to slow it down much.

Then,out of nowhere, a small stuffed otter arcs towards the alien.

Ithits it with a soft, muffled squeakbefore landing with a gentle thumpon the ground.

Ifthe alien had eyes, Clark is sure it would be blinking slowly.

Andthen the alien's just one angry blur, whirling and charging off inthe direction of the source of the fuzzy projectile.

Alex.

Clarkshoots past the alien, throwing himself bodily in front of the girl,and then wrapping himself around her, effectively shielding her fromthe extraterrestrial invader.

Itsright on top of them. Clark can hear it, he can feelthe hot breath on his back.

Alexburies her face in his shoulder and he murmurs soothing words, wordshe's heard from Ma and Pa and Kara, all the while thinking we'redead I'm dead we're dead I'm so DEAD—

Thundersounds in the distance.

ButClark knows it's not thunder. There is no storm.

No,that's a sonic boom.

Asthe sound fades and the desert goes silent, Clark slowly unwrapshimself from his tiny charge. He knows he's in major trouble.

Becausestanding over him, arms crossed and brow pinched, is his cousin.

“Clark,”she says, voice low and menacing. The voice she reserves for badguys.

Alexpokes her head up and beams.

“Kara!”

“...H-hi,”Clark laughs nervously.

Karadoes not look amused.

“You'redead.”

Bythe time the army arrives, the only evidence of any sort of incidentis a pockmarked stretch of terrain and some smoldering scraps ofmetal.

Clarkcan't believe he's become a stereotype.

“Don'tworry about it,” Kara tells him, patting him on the shoulder.They're back at the Danvers' house, all three of them, settledcomfortably on the couch. “It's your first big 'superheromisunderstanding.' We all go through it.”

Clarknods, but he feels so bad.

“IsSharon okay?” he asks. 'Sharon' being the name the alienpicked out for visits to the Milky Way, as she was pretty tired ofhumans butchering her given name, which apparently takes abouta week to pronounce correctly.

“Well,she wasn't exactly thrilled with that welcome, but she'll bealright,” Kara assures him. Her expression hardens, however, whenshe next speaks. “I'm less concerned about the fight itself, Clark.More with the fact that you took Alex.”

“ButI helped!” Alex reminds her, leaning forward and waving the stuffedotter for emphasis. “Sharon was gonna eat Clark. I know. Isaw. She had the teeth ready and everything.”

“Ihad the situation under control,” Clark grumbles. Karathumps him gently on the head before she reaches over and wraps Alexin a hug. She pokes the stuffed otter in his plastic nose.

“Youdid help,” she concedes, not entirely sure if she should beencouraging that sort of behavior, but. It was impressive. Atleast, the way Clark tells it. “But it was waaaaay toodangerous for you to be out there in the first place. Knuckleheadhere should know better,” she nods towards Clark.

“Hey.”

“Yougotta promise me you won't put...” she gestures to the otter.

“Brian,”Alex supplies.

“Brian,in harm's way again, okay? And that you'll leave the hero work to meand Clark for now.”

“...Okay,”Alex huffs, slumping against Kara. “...Can I help when I'm older?”

“Sure,”Kara nods, taking her glasses from her breast pocket.

Alexdistractedly intercepts the glasses, and Kara lets her fiddle withthem. “How much older,” she wants to know as she slidesthe frames into place. They're only a little lopsided.

Karachuckles and readjusts them until they're sitting straight. “Mmmm.When's your birthday, again?” Alex pouts.

“Youknow!”

“Hmmm.Okay. How about when you're...fifty.”

“What!No! Sooner,” Alex argues.

“Okay.Forty-nine.”

“Twelve!”

“Idunno, I think forty-nine sounds pretty reasonable,” Clark adds.And Alex isn't the slightest bit deterred to have bothKryptonians working against her. She makes another attempt at soundreasoning (thirteen because then I'll be a teenager!) andClark and Kara are forced to give in. (Somewhat. They offer a vague'we'll see.')

“Whenare Eliza and Jeremiah supposed to be back?” Kara asks. And Clarkcringes.

TheDanvers.

He'll...haveto tell them what happened.

Thewhole...alien attack thing, and putting their child in dangerthing...and, now he realizes, seeing the red digital clock on theVCR, the 'letting Alex stay up way past her bedtime' thing.

“Um.Eliza said one...maybe two o'clock...” he tells her. It's stillover an hour off.

“Wantme to stay?” Kara offers. And of course Alex responds withan enthusiastic yes, but his cousin waits for his answer.

“...Yeah,”he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean. For Alex.Obviously.”

Karasmirks. Right. Yes. Obviously.

SoKara decides to stay (much to Alex's delight) though his cousin isdismayed to find out that he ate all the pizza.

Soof course Clark has to make it up to her by letting her pickthe movie.

“She'sgonna pick Hook,” Alex whispers conspiratorially to Clark,hiding behind Brian. “She picks that one every time.”

“Howabout Hook, guys?” Kara asks, holding up the case.

Clarksnorts, and Alex nods sagely.

“Toldja.”

Notes:

- Uninspired movie choices are uninspired, largely due to the fact that most of my other choices didn’t have the right release date to work with this time frame.- Clark is almost definitely OOC, and for that I apologize.- In an attempt to correct a grave mistake, the moose is now an otter.- Timeline wise, this takes place after that first oneshot I wrote, but before the show-and-tell story.

[kimjauhiainen]

“Men at Work”(1990) – the best garbagemen film ever made

(originally published on Talkbacker.com on March 28, 2014)

James: This is the last year we throw trash. Carl: You said that last year. James: Yeah, but this year I mean it. Carl: You meant it last year.

Stewart Copeland’s propulsive, and very recognizable music opens Men at Work. We start from the bottom of the ocean, with the camera gliding through murky waters and revealing barrels of questionable material being dumped by some shady operators. This operation is overseen by dirty City Councilman Jack Berger (Darrell Larson) and the main villain, Maxwell Potterdam III (played as a total cartoon villain by John Getz, probably best remembered as Geena Davis’ boss/ex-boyfriend from David Cronenberg’s The Fly. Very soon, it’s revealed that the Councilman has grown a conscience and is recording evidence against Potterdam. The tape that has the recording soon becomes the McGuffin of the film. Men at Work has some shade of an environmentalist plot, but the plot very quickly takes a step back as we meet our main characters:

James: What an absolutely gorgeous day. Warm Sun, beautiful women… Carl(and James, together): And the air is just right for drinking!

James St. James (Emilio Estevez) and Carl Taylor (Charlie Sheen) are slackers and best friends (There are some sources over the web that claim them to be brothers, but this is not referred to in the film, and the different last names also speak against it. Yes – I know Sheen and Estevez ALSO have different last names, but let’s refer to James and Carl as “friends” for now, shall we?), who are just passing time as a pair of garbage men, while keeping up a hopeless pipe dream of opening a surf shop at the beach. The poster of the film might give an impression that they are the BEST garbage men in the world. They are NOT. They are just passing the time, throwing the trash-bins (and trash, including melons and a bowling ball) everywhere, making one hell of a noise, investigating – and criticizing – peoples trash (underwear, porn, whatever…), and are constantly harassed by a pair of hapless bicycle cops, just itching to arrest the pair.

They are also constantly pulling pranks (most of which include a delicately placed airbag, filled with shit) on an annoying pair of B-TEAM garbage men, who mostly fail to retaliate to these gags.

In their outside-of-work lives, James is a serial womanizer (actually picking women even from the garbage route), Carl’s relationship has just ended and he passes the time by stalking the next-door building in full Rear Window-mode, and target practicing with his pellet gun (shooting councilman Berger’s election ad, for example). The object of Carl’s stalking is Susan Wilkins (Leslie Hope, best known as Jack Bauers ill-fated wife Teri in season 1 of 24), who actually happens to be Berger’s campaign manager. Like an old-fashioned screwball-comedy, EVERYTHING is connected. After Carl and James get reprimanded by their boss about their behavior, they spend the evening drinking and playing Trivial Pursuit. At that time, a bewildered Berger shows up at Susan’s apartment, looking for the McGuffin which has accidentally ended up with her. Carl gets annoyed by Bergers aggressive behavior and shoots him in the ass with his pellet gun when Susan’s in the other room. As Carl and James hide from sight, Potterdam’s thugs enter the apartment, strangle Berger, take the body away, and put it in a barrel, which get’s misplaced.

Well, there’s the opening act in a nutshell. But all is about to change. See – because of their behavior, their boss Walt has given them a ride-along supervisor, his brother-in-law, and then the boss bursts into hysterical laughter. He clearly knows something we don’t. And the next hungover morning we get this exchange:

Carl: James, do us both a favor. Whatever you do,  don’t give this observer guy a hard time today. I figure if we behave ourselves, show him that we’re a couple of good guys, we’ll get him out of our hair a lot quicker. James: OK… Carl: For all we know…he could be some crazed combat veteran.

Boom. Cue marching music, cut to the guys on their route, and sitting next to them is the Ultimate Secret Weapon of this film, Louis Fedders (Keith David), dressed in an army shirt. Louis in fact IS a crazed combat veteran, and during the next stretch of the film, we see just HOW crazy he is. Keith David just downright steals his film from the moment he appears. He seems to be wearing his wardrobe from “Platoon”, and maybe this film in a kind of bizarro sequel to that film, as Charlie Sheen starred in it, too. David’s Louis is a jittery cluster of anger and resentment towards all others. He clearly has a post-traumatic syndrome of some kind. And is most likely a psychotic. As James bitches about his overseeing them, he first laughs, and then lunges at James, accidentally slugging Carl in the process. As they are sitting at a luncheon, he’s drawing a sketch oh a lovely pier with people on it, the we are revealed that he’s drawn an attack helicopter shooting missiles at the pier. He shows some signs of kindness, only to grab James’ arm when James tries to snag a french fry off his plate. Then he proceeds to give this menacing dialogue:

Louis: There are several sacred things in this world that you don’t *ever* mess with. One of them happens to be another man’s fries. Now, you remember that, and you will live a long and healthy life.

Yup. Good old Louis is crazier than a bag of crazy glue.

While collecting trash, the guys find the Councilman’s body, misplaced by the killers, and more craziness ensues:

Carl thinks he killed Berger with his pellet gun, Louis sees the strangle marks and now they believe that Susan killed Berger. The bicycle cops appear, and since no-one wants trouble from them, cue some Weekend at Bernies-type comedy as they are now all trying to cover their own asses. Berger’s body finally ends up sitting in the toilet of the guys’ apartment, wearing a Richard Nixon(!)-mask… Carl decides to go investigating Susan’s apartment for evidence, while James and Louis observe from across the street. A poor pizza-delivery man ends up kidnapped by Louis, because “he’s seen too much”. Meanwhile, Carl ends up pretending to be a Frenologist (a scientist interpreting the size of Walt’s asshole – I mean: skull features) as he ends up in Susan’s place. Pretty soon ALL the different parties with different agendas (Potterdam’s hitmen, The B-TEAM, the bicycle cops) gather in the same location, and all kinds of slapstick and chase-comedy follows, culminating at the City Dump, where Potterdam and his goons are finally dealt with, and a happy ending (TM) follows.

There’s the overall story of the film. The reasons it works are:

– Estevez’ direction. This was his second feature as a director, his first being the film “Wisdom (1986)”. I saw that one on TV in the early 90’s, and remember it being a really solid debut. A story of the rise and fall of a young delinquent (with some shades of the story in “Badlands”, starring father Martin Sheen. Fun fact: he played a garbageman in that…), but kinda screwed by a blatant “Dallas”-quality twist ending. Estevez directs with a steady hand, great timing and creative camerawork (the trash-picking scenes are edited almost like an action film, with fast cuts and cool slow-motion).

– The chemistry between Carl and James. Well, duh – as real-life brothers, the chemistry comes naturally for Estevez and Sheen. Too bad they have not worked together on more projects aside from Young Guns and Rated X, and with Sheen’s recent public meltdowns, it seems very unlikely they will. SOME dialogue might played a bit too smart-assy, but let’s give ‘em that.

– The different comedy pairings. From Carl & James to Potterdam’s hitmen Biff & Mario (who as a pair of bickering, bullshitting hitmen seem like a weird prototype for Jules & Vincent in “Pulp Fiction”), The bicycle cops Mike & Jeff (who are clearly all tough talk behind a badge and end up tied in a sexual position to a playground ferris-wheel in their undies by Louis – one more bizarre act by him) and the B-TEAM Luzinski & Frost, this film is filled these weird, caricatured teams, who just work.

– KEITH EFFING DAVID. He deliver’s the best – and funniest – performance in this film. His crazy character in kinda acting as a catalyst to all the chaotic moments that happen. David plays this character completely straight too, not winking at the audience at any time. I would say, that this is almost worthy of a nomination for “best supporting actor”. David has further shown his comedy chops in later films, most memorably as Mary’s Father in There’s Something about Mary (remember the zipper scene?).

I first discovered Men at Work as a used rental VHS tape. It was actually in good condition, so I guess not many rentals, then. That tape got pretty worn out after that, and it’s good that a DVD now exists. I have friends who don’t understand some of my bizarre favourite movies – The Adventures of Ford Fairlane is another one I get picked on occasionally – but why should I care? Once again, the phrase “it’s not high art, but it’s funny” stands. It’s entertaining, HIGHLY quotable and features some extremely funny performances.

Like Jim Carrey’s Colonel Stars & Stripes said in Kick-ass 2: “Try to have fun. Otherwise, what’s the point?”