#I really really like Rebels so this is my unapologetic love letter

[voteforspoon]

My last post about Star Wars has done well and tbh I really really really like Star Wars some I’m gonna go on another Star Wars rant, but maybe a slightly more controversial one (no not the sequels yet, although I still have a lot to say about that). I think Rebels is better than Clone Wars. Not that I’m saying that by a lot, cause it really is close. But I think Rebels accomplished things that don’t really get mentioned. Like the excellency of Maul, yes that began in clone wars but it continued so well in Rebels. One of my favorite lightsaber fights of all time is the Ben Kenobi versus Maul duel from the Twin Suns episode of Rebels. It’s short but brilliant. Rebels focuses on characters and their bonds, meanwhile Clone Wars focused on, well, the Clone Wars. There were lots and lots of important characters in that, and so naturally there was a lot of wandering around POV wise. Some episodes were about Anakin, some about Obi-Wan, some about Ahsoka, and many about the Clones, that being said, that lack of focus on a single group for many episodes was brutal. I love all those characters but theres so many they jump between. Rebels focuses on just the Ghost Crew, and a little among their close friends within and outside the Ghost Crew. Each character grows and forms into someone so good. Kanan becomes not just a better teacher, but also a father figure to Ezra and Sabine, and a dang good one at that. He also becomes a better husband(?, I never really figured out if Hera and Kanan were married or just in a long term serious relationship.) His death is IMO the most heartbreaking in all of Star Wars, and that’s saying something when you can compare Sabine, Fives, Heavy, and 99 who all die in clone Wars. Ezra grows to be a Jedi and I get he can be annoying but he’s still a good interesting character. Ahsoka gains development in so many ways. Zeb and Kallus’ enemies to friends relationship throughout the show is brilliant. Sabine’s history is heartbreaking and intriguing, and Hera stays a steady role model throughout, while remaining a complex character. Anyways, I love clone wars, a lot, but Rebels has such a strong familial feeling and is gorgeous mostly. The art style can be bad, but look at any landscape shown in the show and tell me that isn’t beautiful. The art style really shines often despite that it has a few glaring issues. But yeah. Clone Wars is fantastic but Rebels is even better in my personal opinion. I could rant more but this is wayyyyyy too long as is so thanks if you read it 👉🏻👉🏻

[secretsofthemasquerade]

What the fuck is happening with V5, neonazis, and shits.

So, first, terminology. Everything I am going to be talking about here concerns the company White Wolf Publishing, which is the Swedish company created by Paradox Interactive for when they bought back the IP from CCP. 

This DOES NOT include Onyx Path (with whom I have grievances, but they are mostly a question of taste and some of their business practices I am somewhat disapprove of, but this has nothing to do with them), and their classical authors, whom have nothing to do in the thing. So don’t go about telling Richard Thomas he’s a Nazi asshole okay? They’re clean in this matter and their statement is genuine and honest, and their statement matches their actions and publications. This also does not involve By Night Studios. 

Basically, White Wolf Publishing (new version, the one in Sweden, owned by Paradox) has released a preview for V5 (corebook, which is due in three weeks), and they presented neo-nazis in a way that is controversial to say the least, in the clanspread Brujah for V5, which is in their V5 preview.

Some see it as "wwp trying to make neo nazis play their game", some are saying "lol sjw are being sensitive and ruining everything", some are saying "it's ok to explore dark themes but this is poorly worded and looks like they're glorifying it", and some are all censorship and stuff. 

The spectrum of answers are very wide, with assholes on both sides, and death threats being sent to everyone by everyone. Including OPP people who are completely out of the loop on this one (altho some may argue that since they’re licensing the IP from WWP that makes them a level of complicit/quiet acceptance; that argument can be heard, but I am pragmatic and I understand they don’t want their company and their livelihood to sink into oblivion because Ethics are superior to Food)

Here’s the catch. People aren’t pissed just about the Brujah issue, that places neo-nazis at the same level as any other character concept and definition of the Brujah, without an ounce of self awareness, and using terminologies that clearly appeal to gamer gaters (the use of terms such as “fourth wave feminists” and others...). They’re pissed and worried because this isn’t the first WWP offense, they have multiple times allowed themselves to poke towards such people, more or less willingly. 

There's been plenty of other signs by the WWP crew that they may be integrating alt-right and neo nazi elements in their games, not because they are saying they're a thing, but also somewhat inserting (willingly or not) some propaganda elements, not as a way to criticize them, but normalizing them or even misrepresenting them as "rebels with a cause" (aka Brujah, which makes little sense nowadays, current day neo nazis and alt rights are in positions of power and are very much accepted if not encouraged by our political systems, much to my screaming French ass). 

They somewhat normalize and even glorify them. Despite being a game about monsters (lol u know what vamps are?? have said many people on those threads), it isn’t a game about BEING a monster. It is a game about Dealing with It and their Humanity. 

WWP says it's to "acknowledge the state of the world today" but other elements such as dog whistle elements for neonazis, as well as the use of hate groups types of phrasings (euphemisms, like, clearly derogating terms like "fourth wave feminism" mocking tone like) are pushing non-straight non-white, non-male players out of their base. And oddly, almost everyone defending their edge-approach are.. yes, regular white dudes.

Add in their hiring of Zak S for their video game from February 2017 and the overall lack of research, + their apology / non apology / defense about all of these issues altogether up to now about the whole ordeal when people bring out the issues, and you've got a massive shitstorm of suspicion about whether they are actually openly welcoming neo-nazis and alt-righters into the games, especially when public comments made by WWP staff implies "they are very fine people” and “both extremes are horrible”, putting into equal footing antifascists and neonazis. That in and out of itself is suspicious, but arguable to some degree. Plenty of comments have been made both by the horrid fanbase, but also by WWP staff on the matter, as such they cannot really deny their hands being dirty (looking at you, MR-H and Ericsson, receipts are provided all over reddit and the FB threads from WWP but also from the VtM groups, including this one).

Just because they state they condemn racism, sexism and xenophobia, doesn’t mean that their writings and actions match those statements. They still sign “Blood and Souls,” their letters and posts, which is ODDLY similar to “Blood and Soil”, a known Neo-Nazi chant. The integration of 1 4 8 8 as a dice roll result may be completely meaningless and a sad occurrence, but there are SO MANY other occurrences that giving them the benefit of the doubt is hard. Especially when you add the fact that the lead dev has written books about nazis (so has done research, and when you research, 1488 comes up easily). 

I’m always willing to blame ignorance and stupidity over Malice, and I am doing it for V5 write-ups, but their apologies and defense instead of listening to our concerns takes away their credibility. Their reaction should have been to listen and fix it.

In Game, there is also a BIG BIG PROBLEM that the authors didn’t even research. The Alt Right and neonazis are NOT in a marginal position of protesters anymore. They are in power. They are very much allowed, encouraged, protected by the system, at least in most Western Societies. They are no Brujah hunting ground, they are great Ventrue targets! 

There’s a difference between allowing the themes be used and explored very darkly and grimly and glorifying them as a good thing (the little red book or Leni Riefenstahl’s movies), and doing the same but with careful research, expert consulting and making sure your intent is clear as a content creator (like the Handmaiden’s tale or 1984). You can’t objectively say that Wolfenstein is a game that approves of nazis despite being all about nazis, nor Far Cry 5 about wtf is going on in Far Cry 5, or that Just Cause approves of American Intervention in island nations or Latin American countries, or that Tropico approves of banana island dictatorships. Cartel Ciudad Juarez or many modern warfare games, on the other hand, do not manage this and are clearly not aware of what their game is saying (not unlike a RPG like Fatal... :p).

Then the article archived and linked above was made and shared, and that’s where all shit hit the fan. I do not believe the author is fully right about everything in the contents, especially when it comes to Zak S (who is an asshole by all means, but he is neither a gamer gater nor an alt righter), but there are solid elements that put together some of the various “uh” moments. The article has since been removed due to the harassment, death threats and worse. 

Oddly, Reddit is doing okay (x, x) but Twitter has also given us frowny things about upcoming W5...

Do I think they are openly and willingly trying to pull one past us? No. Do I think the WoD has brought in lots of neonazis as players and has been a problem since the 1990s? Yes, for Vampire and Werewolf for sure. (Werewolf in particular is plagued with them despite the Revised attempts at fixing certain things...). Do I believe the 20th anniversary edition were made to glorify those days? No. Not at all. Do I think Ericsson and co are neonazis? No. They’re not. Do I think WWP is trying to be edgy to cater to anti-sjw and unapologetic show offs? Yes. Do I think WWP wants to openly cater to neonazis? No, but they’re not doing anything to make a stance against them buying and using their games. If their idea of Mature Themes is punching down and glorifying monsters, they are wrong and we should let them know. If a mature theme is exploring the dark sides of the world in a thoughtful manner, having Horror as a key component of VTM, then yes, that is what we want, but it has to be presented properly and fine-tuned. Right now, it’s “oh, wouldn’t it be cool/grim if...?”. They need to consult experts. They need to hire sociologists. Psychologists. Game Theorists. They need to SEE what Chaosium has done with Call of Cthulhu. They need to 

I’m just also going to say that the two FB WWP threads are insane (here and here), full of fanboys and fangirls defending WWP and telling them they shouldn’t apologize, they even made a petition saying they did nothing wrong. I do not want to give up, and I do not want to let my voice be silenced by these assholes for a game I love and care about even if I am such a critic of it.

Let me be very clear. The problem is -not- the inclusion of asshole character concepts in the write up, it is the WoD after all... The problem is that they are presenting them under a good, acceptable, apologetic light even. The problem isn’t exactly the content of the game, the problem is how little research and how little awareness they’ve had about their publication, and the responses that they have given when we have raised questions and concerns about these issues. The problem is Accidental Indoctrination. The problem is Propaganda Games. What are your mechanics saying? What are your actions saying? What is your game saying?

https://youtu.be/4jKsj345Jjw

https://youtu.be/UP4_bMhZ4gA

(Yes they’re video games but it’s he same thing)

And in opposition, extra credits did also an episode about the Shoah book for Wraith. https://youtu.be/EDEgXUqHL9Q

So, do we want great quality mature content, serious gaming material, or shock for shock value? Do we want This War of Mine, Papers Please, Dead of Winter, CupidVN, Spec Ops the Line, Bury Me My Love? Or do we want Hatred, DARK, WoD Preludes, Ciudad Juarez or even Dante’s inferno?

Games Matter.

Education Matters

We matter.

Tyvm

If you have any questions, they’re going to do an AMA on Twitch on July 13, here’s the info.

Let’s try and be numerous to voice our concerns. EDIT: Blood and Souls actually references Elric, it was my bad and I apologize for it, but you’ll understand that sometimes, when it sounds and moves like a horse, it’s hard to see it’s a zebra. Especially considering all past elements from the different eyebrow raising worth of edge for edge’s sake.

I still do not believe they’re deliberately calling neo-nazis but considering their AMA’s comments of people who just don’t want to be respectful and do basic research when treating mature content in an adult way, and be like “hell no, DARK STUFF, don’t steal my dark stuff!”, there’s honestly all the proof we need that that’s the kind of crowd they’ve accepted was using their games as entertainment. Jason’s answers were clear, and did not bite the whole “but what about antifaaaa”. I’m cautiously optimistic, and I’ve chosen, like many others, to keep publishing in the Vault to show them we can do better, and that it’s in the community’s best interest they listen.

They also confirmed Mark Rein Hagen was just a “consultant” and isn’t part of the team in anyway ;)

[willowcarlyle]

Therapy Sessions: Exercise #1 

Write a letter to someone who you need to talk to, but can’t. 

Dear Mom,

I started seeing a fucking therapist because of you, which my therapist says I shouldn’t be saying. Fuck him, he doesn’t know what he’s saying. Except, you know, he’s got that PhD (even though he won’t show me that pretty huge dick lmaO). So, I’m apparently supposed to write you a letter about how I feel about you and I could either mail, burn it, or give to him. Like hell I’m mailing you shit and like hell I’m gonna let him read about my stupid fucking past. But, you know what? I might keep it. I might burn it. I might give it you when you’re old and fucking wrinkled and shit and laugh in your face because the botox you got yourself when MY pageant money couldn’t even save your goddamn face.

I digress.

I wanted to say that I didn’t need you. When I was a teenager and making my way through high school, I thought I needed you. Hell, sometimes I even cried and got high because of you even though I wasn’t supposed to. Who emancipates their kid because they don’t want anything to do with them? Fucking you. Instead of trying to fix what was wrong with our fucking relationship, you decided to just ditch me and leave me to figure shit out for myself.

I’ve figured shit out for myself. Fuck you.

A lot of people say that blood is thicker than water, but I don’t fucking believe that shit. Not only did dad leave because he was fucking some whore with a better, younger body than your soggy, saggy ass, but you decided to run away from me because you didn’t know what the fuck to do with a little girl who was rebelling. Want to know why I did that? Fucking, I was a little girl. Dad left. I found out you were using for money! You kept saying, “It’s for your future, baby”, yet you fucking used me as a means to make money. I bet you don’t even have a fucking memory of me that doesn’t have to do with making you money.

Because your goddamn husband decided to bail on your leech ass, you decided to leech on me for money from the beauty pageants. I hope you regret it all. In fact, I hope right now you’re so fucking poor that you’re barely making ends meet. I hope you’ve never had another botox shot in that gross face of yours, and I pray to goddamn god that your tits have sagged all the way to the floor so no man wants to fuck you. Why? So your leech ass doesn’t stay with them for the sake of money.

Therapist says I shouldn’t wish that on people. But you know what? Fuck it. You don’t deserve it. People like you – MOTHERS – who decide to turn their back on their CHILD when they are the most vulnerable… fucking shitty, if you ask me. There’s a special place in hell for you 😊 Don’t worry, I’ll be there too. Since you’re all god-loving and shit, I’m sure he’ll never accept you in his pearly white gates. Your soul is twisted, dark, and fucked up.

Me? Yeah. I curse up a storm. I may not be rich. But you know what I am that you aren’t? That dad isn’t? Fucking honest. Real. I don’t sugar coat shit and I speak my mind. I don’t rely on anyone and take care of myself. I may be a thirty-five-year-old woman who locks herself up in her room, plays games, and occasionally takes up odd jobs…. But you know what? I am fucking better than you.

Unlike you, I have genuine friends. People who actually like me for who I fucking am. I am unapologetically me, which you decided to throw me out for because you couldn’t handle a fucking child.

Damn. This was supposed to be therapeutic, or some shit, but I guess it’s just making me even angrier. It’s making realize how much I really fucking hate you, Mom. I fucking hate you for leaving me to figure out how my life was supposed to pan out. I fucking hate you for leaving me alone when my DAD already walked out on me. I fucking hate you for using me as a means to make money… for YOU. I fucking hate you. I loathe you. I don’t think I’ve ever held this much anger and resentment for someone before.

But, don’t get me wrong. I definitely don’t wanna fucking build a relationship with you. I’m not resenting the fact I don’t have a relationship with your sorry ass. I’m fucking sorry I didn’t say all this shit to your face when I should have. When I graduated high school, I should have found you and your saggy tits and shoved the fucking diploma in your face. I should have told you that you’re a bitch ass loser for using her daughter so that you couldn’t work. I should have called you out on your botoxed, plastic ass face.

I should have been real with you. So, this is me being real with you.

Fuck you, mother. You deserve the worse.

With all the fucking hate in the world,

Your daughter with nice ass tits and who’s had lots of dick in her life

ps. your pussy probably smells like shit

[thehostilegospel]

Soulmate(s)

Every now and then I read old writings I haven't shared or purposely didn’t finish. A few years ago I began to write about the concept of a soulmate and how I’m sure I met mine while out of town for work in 2011. I didn’t finish it and I won’t share it. We only spent two weeks together and never saw each other after that. During those two weeks we would sneak away from anything work related and bonded in this cosmic way. I’ve been searching for that feeling every since. I’ve failed miserably. Now that I think about it, him setting the bar so high in those two weeks could be one of the many reasons I’ve been single for so long. 

We always kept in contact and would entertain the idea of meeting up but neither of us were really serious about it, obviously. We had our own complicated lives to live and we just kept it at that. We have a mutual understanding that what we have is sacred, we get each other, we have love for each other, we trust each other, but we will never have each other. Not in this lifetime, at least. But in the next one, I’ll be waiting like clockwork and I’ll certainly know it’s him by the feel of it.

Anyways, this isn’t about him. I preface with this to better explain my views on what it means to have a soulmate/s. For some reason we’ve been made to believe that our soulmate is one person we are romantically involved with. They’re placed on this Earth specifically for us and it's only one person. I’m here to tell you that’s bullshit. They are friends. They are family. They are children. They are lovers. They are people we cross paths with to experience God on a more amplified level. And sometimes that means we only have them for a fixed amount of time. Thus, I think our view on seeking a soulmate needs to change. Our view on seeking anything needs to change. When you know, you just know and you just let that shit happen.

Recently I broke down and put together how Dallas (I have a sperate writing about DDD I’ll post at a separate time), church and basketball has brought me to the closest people in my life, who I view as my soulmates. Long story short, In the 3rd grade I played basketball for Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas, TX. This was my introduction to organized basketball which stuck with me long enough to never go a year without playing. By my freshman year of high school I wasn’t making the best decisions and my parents thought it would be best to pull me out of that environment and enrolled me in a private Christian school. I was ready to rebel that whole year. But I knew one thing for sure, I was hooping no matter where I went. I met Briana and Destiny that year. I was from the Eastside, Destiny was from the Westside, Briana was from North Town and we all had three things in common... Our parents forced us to come to this whack private school, we thought everyone there was lame, and we played basketball. We instantly bonded over that. I’ve picked apart how many of my soulmates have blossomed through that one encounter with those two. So here is a letter to each of you who hold a great deal of space in my heart...

Ava

I wish I didn’t have to start this off with you because it instantly makes me want to cry. Just thinking about how small you used to be and the little person you are now is insane to think about. In just 9 years on this Earth you have been such a pillar for all of us. You have been one of the main reasons we had to grow up. I have to constantly remind myself that you’re so ahead of your time because you grew up with us while we were still growing up. I still remember the first time you said my name when you were a baby as I was leaving for work. You amaze me every time I see you. You are so freakin smart and head strong. Your mom has done such an amazing job with raising and providing for you. I am so proud of the little girl you have grown to be and I don’t worry about you one bit. I know you will grow into a young lady who stands firm in what she believes, loves people, and will excel in whatever you decide to do. You just make sure you step into your role as a leader and handle your handle. Also, I still lowkey hope you decide to play basketball one day. Me and BB tried our best to make you a lefty when you were a baby so you could be a shooter. Didn’t really work out but I hope you surprise us in the next few years. You are the reason for us all ❤️

Bre

My God, my God. Where do I even start with you? I guess August, 2004 is a good spot. Girl, that one game you got suspended and I had to run the court without you, I knew I couldn’t ever be without you again! You have been my left and my right on and off the court every since. I can still hear you yelling, “I’m rolling with you!” after a fast break just to remind me I wasn’t out there alone. I knew if you were by my side, I was safe. And I still feel that way 15 years later. You are truly my soulmate. We have cried. We have laughed until we cried. We have been drunk off of our asses. We have traveled different countries. We have been ready to fight everybody with our bad attitudes and terrible mouths. YOU. GET. ME. And there is not a thing I’m more grateful for in this world than simply that. I have seen you grow into such an amazing woman. First a wife, and now a mother. You inspire me more than you will ever know. I knew from the moment we met that you would be more than just my teammate. You have stuck with me through and through and I know that won't EVER change. You and your family have loved me like I was blood and I can never thank you enough for that. You are my home and I love you, eternally. I am so proud of you. I love to see the stars in your eyes when you look at Kwame. You make me feel like maybe I can be a mother, too ❤️

Brian

You got the hell out of Vegas after graduation and I don't blame you one bit! You have been doing your thing every since and it is truly inspiring! I feel like we bonded more once I moved to Texas, and I’m extremely grateful for that. We’re similar in a lot of ways with our introverted personalities and our musical taste. You are truly a stand up dude and I appreciate every bit of you! Continue to keep setting and accomplishing goals. You deserve every blessing that is written in the stars for you. Also, I’m getting the itch to go sky diving again 👀

Cheric

Oh, Cedric 😂 Where do I begin? Initially we called you the “Curtain knocker downer” because you knocked down Mrs. Crystals Curtains up stairs hahaha. You probably don't remember that, but we do. Man, you have been one solid brotha for all of us. I may not say it enough, but I appreciate you so much. We all appreciate you. For never switching up. For always being there. And for always being down to get freakin faded! haha You are one of the few men I know I can always depend on no matter the circumstances. You always come through and you always have our back. Thank you for staying down. Stay focused on your goals and handle your business. One day my mom is gonna call you Cheric and not Cedric 😂

Des

My dawwwwwwg! I knew when I met you in Mrs. Bakers class that we were gonna be down for life. Man, I am so freakin proud of you! You are one of one. I will never have to worry about you making shit happen. EVER. You will always find a way. A way to be creative. A way to make money. A way to network. A way to connect with people. A way to make people feel comfortable. You have been an all around dope ass human being from day one. Sometimes I don’t know how I have a friend as cool as you. You probably are the coolest person I’ve ever known in my whole life hahaha. I have seen you grow so much over the past 15 years and step into who you are today, unapologetically. And it is SO inspiring. You make me so proud! You command any room you go into, no matter the crowd. You are always poised. You always make friends. You are always you. And I appreciate that about you the most. You have been there for me since I was 14. We’re about to be 30, dawg! I couldn’t ask God for a better partner in crime. I have seen you work your ass off for the things that you want and not complain about it one bit. You are the epitome of a hard worker and a rider. Thank you for being by my side throughout these years. Thank you for the advice, the late night convos, and being an all around whole ass person from day one. You inspire me through and through. I love you!

Julian

Oh, the Colombian/Italian brother from another. You are the only person who stuck around from Trinity hahah. I can’t remember how or when we all got so close, but you belonged with us! You have grown into such a handsome and hardworking man. I’ll never have to worry about you making a way. You always have a plan and you always execute. And your musical taste is IMPECABLE! You are so debonair and you always make shit happen. I’m thankful to have you on my team. You always come through when I need you, no matter the cause. I’m so proud of the man you’ve grown to be over the last 15 years. I can’t wait to see how you flourish over the next 15. With you, I know I’ll always have someone to ride around the city, listen to music, and hike with. Stay focused and don’t compromise. Thank you for being you.

Kwame

My beautiful bubbly God Son! Oh, you bring so much light to us all! You can’t read yet, but that won’t stop me from telling you how loved you are. You came along at such a necessary time for all of us. You are such a little inquisitive warrior and I love seeing the little baby you grow to be.  Forgive me for not being there for every bit of your growth, but I’m trying my best. My biggest fear is that I spend too much time away from you and you don’t remember who I am 😕 But I’m so happy I was there to witness your first steps. Thank you for saving that until I was home, Kwammy Kwam ❤️ You are here for a reason. And although I’d love to think that you’re here to bring us all the joy, I know you will grow up to have a true and divine purpose. You have that purpose now and I can’t wait to see it manifest. I also can’t wait to see if you’re weird like your Mom or weird like your Dad. We love you, Ekpoudia!

Lulu

Although you aren’t last on the list, I had to write yours last because there is just so much to say. But I’ll start when you traveled with us to Pahranagat for a basketball tournament (Yea, I got a memory like an Elephant). You didn’t even go to school with us and you sure as hell didn’t hoop hahah. But you were always around making us laugh. After we graduated high school, we became extremely close and we’ve been thick as thieves every since. There are things we get about one another that no one else will probably understand. Our sense of independence and solitude while simultaneously desiring what we know we deserve. And refusing to settle for anything less. If there is no one in the world that understands me and my mess, I know you understand me. I have seen you work your ass off while providing for Ava, even before she was born. You have not only been a mom for Ava, but really a mom for all of us. You are always taking care of us, feeding us, problem solving, listening, and putting together the best game nights and family functions. I used to joke with you and tell you that you could never leave that house because that was the only home I had. But the reality is that home will be wherever you are. You are one of the strongest people (not women) I know. You keep a lot of us together, and I don’t think you know it. You have done such an amazing job raising Ava and it shows. She is destined to be a remarkable young lady. Hell, she already is. Lu, you deserve all the love and security you give to all of us. You are an amazing woman and you inspire me each day through your love and grace. Keep working towards your goals and get shit done per usual. I love you. 

Mikey

You save lives, homeboy! You have been the funniest person I’ve known since you were in middle school. Til this day, I tell people your jokes/quotes because that's how funny you are! In a world where there is so much turmoil and chaos, I always know that when you’re around, we’ll all end up crying from laughter. I’ve also seen you grow from a little kid who clapped his feet together when he would shoot a jumper to a whole ass man who is handling his business! Stay creative through the music and the jokes. You are appreciated!

Mrs. Crystal

You have been a second mother to me and welcomed me into your family without hesitation. Thank you for loving me like I was one of your own. More than anything, thank you for being the matriarch and birthing 4 of the most amazing people in my life. They have kept me kicking, laughing, drinking, and loving. You are so appreciated ❤️

A few months ago after Kwame’s birthday, I left the house to “go to the store” and all my soulmates were there (Brian was on Facetime at some point lol). I came back and walked in and Biggy’s “One More Chance” was playing on Mikey’s turn tables. I will never forget how it felt to walk into that energy. It brought tears to my eyes. That was home. Y’all are home. I believe that I’m so content with my solitude because I have everyone that I need. Yall are everything that I need. Anyone else is just an accent.

Thank you for loving me. 

[bazwillendinflames]

To be a Quill

“Mum, what if it’s on a Sunday?” Kit pulled on the edge of her mothers black dress. She was sat at her feet, hugging a book tightly to her chest.

Quill looked up from her laptop and then down at her daughter. “What?”

“Mum.” Kit frowned at her grumpily. Sometimes Quill swore Kit did it just to look like a cat. She was already convinced she was named after one. (She was actually named after a Quill tribe. And a chocolate bar.) “You weren’t listening. I was talking about my eleventh birthday.”

“You’re only nine now.” Quill reminded her. Kit pouted again. It was cute which she clearly didn’t get from her Quill DNA.

“But my birthday is soon.” Kit said.

“It’s in seven months.”

Her daughter merely smirked. “Soon.”

“Why are you worried about the date of your birthday anyway?” Quill asked. Her daughter still looked distressed, so she reached out and stroked her dark green hair. Kit changed her hair colour weekly but green was her favourite colour. Quill blamed her newest book obsession - although Kit was clearly a Slytherin - and by extension Matteusz who had brought her the series. “It doesn’t change.”

“There’s no post on Sundays.” Kit said with a heavy sigh.

“Good.” Quill spat, thinking back to her one-sided feud with their postman. (She didn’t like how he would always stare at as she signed for a parcel. Or that he brought her bills.)

“So, what happens if my birthday is on a Sunday? I won’t get my Hogwarts letter.”

“Kit, I’ve told you that magic isn’t real before. I know science is limited here but it isn’t magic.” Quill patted her daughter hair again. (She didn’t need a cat, her daughters hair was fluffy enough that she could be a substitude.)

“But I’m a metamorphmagus!” Kit protested. “It’s why I can change my hair colour and nose shape and freckles.” She hugged the book and looked up. Quill felt slightly guilty as she saw her daughters bright eyes were full of earnestness.

“I don’t know what a meta-” Quill didn’t bother with the rest of the word. “But you are not one.”

“But- I must be.” Kit’s mismatched eyes filled with tears. “I’m so different from everyone in my class. In my school. I’m the only one who can change my looks this way. You said we were different.”

Quill put her laptop aside and pulled up her daughter next to her. Kit kept a tight grip on her book. “You think you’re a wizard?”

“Witch.” She corrected. “A metamorphmagus. Like Tonks.” She passed the book over to her mother. “She’s really cool and confident and everyone likes her…” Kit looked down, “even if she does change how she looks.”

Quill gritted her teeth. “The kids at your school-”

“They say I’m a witch too.” She admitted. “But I am, aren’t I? I can do things they can’t. And everyone made fun of Harry too. He’s magic.” Kit blinked and a few tears got caught in her long eyelashes. “Mum, I’m magic too, aren’t I?”

Quill looked at her daughter. She had dark skin and green hair and eyes that reminded her of gold. But she was growing up. She was a warrior and it was time to teach Kit what to fight for.

“You’re not magic.” Quill told her. “Sorry.” The word was rarely used in their household. Kit had been unapologetic from her first words (which to the delight of Tanya who had been filming it, had been swears). Quill didn’t apologise if she didn’t mean it. But now, looking into the soulful eyes of the only person who truly mattered, she couldn’t say it enough.

“Then how can I do this?” She closed her eyes and turned her hair a dull brown.

“I was not born on this planet.” Quill began, thinking to Rhodia and the few precious years she had spend there. Not peaceful but precious. She’d give anything to return. “I come from a planet in another galaxy.”

Kit smiled up at her in wonder. She had the same attentive look on her face she usually reserved for the Polish one. (Quill liked to pretend it was a phrase. But it did annoy Charles, which was a bonus.) “Was it pretty?”

“Parts of Rhodia were.” Quill curled her hand into a fist, still holding on to anger from years of injustice. “But I didn’t get to see a lot of them.”

“Rhodia is a pretty word.” She commented. Kit hesitantly rested her head on her mothers lap. Quill let her lay there, reaching out of habit to run her fingers though Kit’s curly hair.

“It was a beautiful home. For the Rhodians.” Quill frowned, the memories of a revolution that never got a chance to succeed returning to her. “For us Quill-”

“Quill?” Kit interrupted, the corners of her mouth twitching. “Like our name?”

She nodded in reply. “Yes. Like our name. For the Quill, we were a smaller population. We were seen only as soulless fighters. Not as people.”

“You rebelled, didn’t you?” Kit asked. “That’s what you always tell me to do. Rebel.”

“We were successful at first. But we were captured.” Quill slammed her fist against their coffee table (which was unfortunately lacking coffee at that moment). Kit winced at the noise and Quill rubbed her hair gently to apologise. “It didn’t matter in the end. The enemy was serious but our war so consuming we failed to see who we really should have been fighting the whole time.”

“Who?”

Quill shook her head. “An enemy so foul and terrible that I can’t tell you.” Kit was still too young. She was lucky to avoid conflict in her own childhood. Quill wasn’t going to rob that of her with tales of the Shadow Kin.

“But Mum-” Kit started to protest, pulling away from her. “Who?”

“The only survivors were me and the Prince.” Quill continued, ignoring the still protesting Kit. “Charles and I were rescued by a legend of the universe in the worst ship imaginable. We were left on Earth as survivors. We made a new life for ourselves.”

“Charlie is a prince?” Kit asked. “Is that why he’s so weird?”

Quill grinned at her daughters bluntness (and because no one else was there to see it). “No. That’s because he’s a Rhodian. Terribly struck up and clueless isn’t just him. He represents his species. Just as I represent mine.”

“The rest of the Quill were fighters too?” Kit asked. “If they were like you, they must have been wonderful.”

“Wonderful?” Quill’s stomach warmed at her daughters words. It wasn’t often Kit made her feel so proud. Or happy. “You think that of me?”

“Of course I do!” Kit said, looking up at her again. “You’re my hero Mum. I want to be like you when I’m older.”

“Kit, I believe you are like me now.” Quill told her. It was high praise indeed. “A warrior.”

“A Quill warrior.” She grinned, hair turning a more interesting shade of purple instead. “I still want to be magic.”

Quill never thought she’d feel so maternal and happy to make her child feel excited again. “Well, if you can change appearances like Tonks, you must be partially magic.”

“So I was right.”

She rolled her eyes. It was typical for Kit to put that first. She really was a Quill. (In more ways than one.) “Call yourself a meta-witch. Cast spells. Make them mouth breathers fear you.”

“It’s Metamorphmagus.” Kit corrected for the second time. “Thank you Mum.” Hesitation was clear in her golden eyes.

Quill said what her daughter was holding back. “I love you Kit.”

“I love you Mum.” Kit returned, snuggling closer for a brief second before wiggling off her lap. “I think I’m going to read upstairs now.”

“Enjoy your book.” Quill picked her laptop up, paying more attention to her daughter running up the stairs than her lesson plan.

She opened a new tab, booking tickets to the Harry Potter studios. It wasn’t the same but she knew Kit would enjoy it anyway.

There was so much more she had to tell her still. The Arhn and her slavery were not going to be left in the past. Ballon was not forgotten. Kit had a right to know about her Fathers own struggles and how he too had been a survivor.

There was so much more that Kit had too learn but for now, Quill lay back in silence and listened to her turn pages, lost in a fictional world

-

Please let me know what you thought. I really liked baby Quill and if you guys let me know you thought I did a good job, I’ll write more. Also I’m willing to write requests if you send me them

[katiecat446]

all the questions

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others thanyou?

Not really, no.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark areyou?

A solid 1.5?

3. The person you would never want to meet?

My fiance’s ex, probably because I would want to hither.  I saw her once from a distance andthat was bad enough.

4. What is your favorite word?

Anything with a hard “ck” sound in the middle.  Monarchical, for example.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

I would love to be a cherry blossom tree.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was thefirst thing you thought?

Yikes.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

An oversized grey one from my university

8. What do you label yourself as?

Uh, I have many labels I guess? Feminist, queer, empathwould probably be 3 of them

9. Bright room or dark room?

Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Discussing the pros and cons of different forms oflightsaber combat, specifically Forms III (Soresu), IV (Ataru) and V (Shien)with my fiancé Nathaniel (aka @mr-villainous, the asker of these questions)

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

This one (19) or maybe when I was juuuust barely 18.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

Nathaniel

13. Your worst enemy?

My mental health problems, let’s be real.

14. What is your current desktop picture?

A picture of a mountain with starry skies behind it, and mylocked desktop background is a picture of the Coruscant skyline

15. Do you like someone?

I may in fact, like like someone. Enough to marry them, infact

16. The last song you listened to?

Sugar Daddy, Original Broadway Cast, from Hedwig and theAngry Inch

17. You can press a button that will make any one personexplode. Who would you blow up?

Steve Bannon, for sure.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

MY EX

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it beand what would they have to do?

Not really a fan of answering ~cute questions~ about slaverylmao

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing saidattribute is optional)

…none? The color ofmy eyes maybe?

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would youlook like and what would you do?

I would look like I do now, but more masc I guess? And Iwould probably bask in the glory of not having massive weights on my chest and thereforethe glory of not having back problems.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

I do not. I don’t even have a non-secret talent. I’m not atalented person.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

I’m afraid of most things. Clowns, spiders, most bugsreally.  OH WAIT. Whales.  Whales and deep ocean terrify me.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwichingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

This isn’t a question, so I all I can say is “nice!”

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Either my next tattoo (Rebel Alliance symbol boiii) or useit to buy Nathaniel the Horizon Zero Dawn game that he’s been salivating overfor months

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in theworld, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Back home to Portland so I can see Nathaniel lmao

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetimesupply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says.Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’ssomething you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

Oh shit. Uh, that’s hard. I’d want to choose between Midori,Svedka (Orange Creamsicle Flavor), Khalua, or Kraken Spiced Rum.  Probably Kraken.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may buildyour own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put intoplace?

Official form of economy and government = democraticsocialism

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuck, it’s so versatile

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enoughtime to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your lovedones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’regoing to save from that blazing inferno?

Please do not make me choose this is rude.  I’m going to assume that I’m coming home tothe blaze, which means that I will already have my backpack with my laptop andphone on my person.  I’d have to go withmy box of things/letters I’ve received from Nathaniel.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past.What will it be?

When I told my mom I hated her when I was 8.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being atime-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. Butcheck out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Is this asking me where I would move to? I would go withCanada, lbr. I know its boring bc I live right next to it, but living in Canada= same relative climate, easier for family to visit me, not an entire lifestyleupheaval, plus universal healthcare!

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to yoursurprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As itturns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in afantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. ofyour choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

I’ve not really experienced death personally yet, except formy paternal grandfather whom I was not close to.  But I think I would say him, because my dadchanged a lot after he passed, and not in many good ways.  If bringing my grandpa back would bring mydad back, I’d like that.

34. What was your last dream about?

Something about Nathaniel and I in the Star Wars universe. Ithink we were having a threesome with “General Kenobi” aged Obi-Wan tbh

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

The asker of this question was lazy and didn’t specifyanything for this question.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

When I was a few weeks old, for massive dehydration.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

Yes I have

38. What is the color of your socks?

Pink, grey, and purple

39. What type of music do you like?

Indie-pop (The Mowglis, The Wombats), Lo-fi (ElvisDepressedly, Mac DeMarco), Broadway soundtracks, I don’t know what the genre is but female artists that are unapologetic about their sexuality (Melanie Martinez, Lana, Marina and the Diamonds, Nicole Dollanganger) and NineInch Nails as its own untouchable genre.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunrises, I think.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Cookies and cream!

42. What football team do you support?

It’s not a question of who I support, its who I don’t.  I refuse to support the Patriots, Steelers,or Saints.

43. Do you have any scars?

Yes, though they’re mainly from self-harm. I have one on theback of my right hand from scratching at it during a panic attack, several onmy left wrist, 2 on my right ankle, and one on my right arm from when I closeda hot oven door on it.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

Who knows!!!1!  I’dlove to continue in academia as a professor. But I’d also love to work in a museum. But I’d also like to work at a university providing student support. ButI’d also like to do community activism and service for underprivileged groups,specifically those that have experienced sexual assault and/or relationshipabuse. So, its up in the air at the moment

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what wouldit be?

My weight. I’d like to be about 30/40 pounds lighter

46. Are you reliable?

Depends on who you ask t b h

47. If you could ask your future self one question, whatwould it be?

What actions do I need to take now to ensure financialstability for myself and the family I am building?

48. Do you hold grudges?

I really try not to, but there are times that I do. They’renot usually petty though. They’re for solid reasons.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the lawsof nature, what new animal would you create?

I would create the Beargle. Half bear, half eagle.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

Someone came into my office and asked if we had a Furry Clubon campus, so.

51. Are you a good liar?

Not really, no

52. How long could you go without talking?

I’ve gone like 4 or 5 days before

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

When I cut my own hair at age 5

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Of course

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

Lmao no

56. What do you like on your toast?

Just salted butter, sometimes with cinnamon sugar too.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

Probably a mock up of something event related for work

58. What would be your dream car?

One that doesn’t squeak when it drives like my current one.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in theshower? Explain.

I sing Broadway showtunes in the shower when I’m home alone

60. Do you believe in aliens?

I believe in forms of life that we haven’t yet discovered.

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

When someone shows it to me lmao

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

N, I think. Or C.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Dragons tbh.

64. What do you think about babies?

Sketchy on ones that belong to other people, really reallywanting my own with Nathaniel

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

Again, Nathaniel was lazy and didn’t specify anything in hisask.

[entergamingxp]

DualShockers’ Favorite Games of 2019 — Laddie’s Top 10

January 1, 2020 5:00 PM EST

2019 was truly a wealth of gaming experiences that I loved, from Control, to Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order, and more. Here are my top 10.

As 2019 comes to a close, DualShockers and our staff are reflecting on this year’s batch of games and what were their personal highlights within the last year. Unlike the official Game of the Year 2019 awards for DualShockers, there are little-to-no-rules on our individual Top 10 posts. For instance, any game — not just 2019 releases — can be considered.

As we entered 2019, my ever growing backlog of neglected or unfinished games had grown to epic proportions. I vowed to be better in 2019, so I made a New Year’s resolution that I would play and finish every game I acquired in 2019 before moving on to another. Well, it was a nice thought, but resolutions are meant to be broken and with only a few days left in the year, I have yet to play the very first game I purchased in 2019, Resident Evil 2.

Unfortunately this pattern continued as I found myself in a bit of a gaming funk, and for most of the beginning half of the year, gaming felt different, like I was doing it more out of habit rather than passion.  Had I truly lost interest in the one hobby that has been my comfort zone for as long as I can remember?

Don’t get me wrong, there were a few bright spots throughout my despondency, but it wasn’t until August that I finally got my gaming groove back. On a whim, I bought Remnant: From the Ashes, and that old familiar feeling was back, baby! Now, that game wasn’t previously on my radar and it’s not perfect, but sometimes you just need a little unforeseen inspiration to get you going again.

After Remnant, it seemed the hits just kept coming, and it was looking unlikely I’d get to finish the previous months’ games that I skipped. With that being said, I feel my top ten would look a lot different than its current state considering I have yet to finish Devil May Cry 5, The Outer Worlds, A Plague Tale: Innocence, as well as a few other titles that went unplayed. Never the less, top 10 lists must go on, and here are my favorite games of 2019.

10. Anthem

Anthem: it’s not only one of my favorites of 2019, it’s also one of the games that broke my heart with bitter disappointment. Early impressions of Anthem gave me the hope that BioWare was on track to release a game that would not only counter Destiny, but show Bungie how a looter shooter, live service game was to be done straight out of the release gate. Well, as you know, Anthem did not deliver any of this and released a glitchy game in a skeletal state that felt like an unfinished symphony. EA had perpetrated a betrayal that was of Aliens: Colonial Marines level and within weeks after Anthem released, the game was a ghost town as gamers went running back to Destiny.

Despite all of this, the game with the longest loading screens known to man still managed to give me a few moments of fun. First off, the game is graphically stunning, and is easily one of the best looking games from this generation. While the execution of the story was a bit bland and the characters were mostly forgettable, there was an underlying lore that could still be the impetus of a great game or even sequel. Anthem’s greatest strength was making you feel like Iron Man once you entered your Javelin, the powered exosuit that comes in three flavors to appeal to different gameplay styles. Donning the Javelin suit gives you a super fluid movement both in flight and underwater that was almost as enjoyable as Titanfall’s parkour and jet packs. This also made for super-fun gameplay that unfortunately was lost due to lack of content.

EA and BioWare have made some improvements and promise to continue making Anthem a better game, and I really hope they can turn it around, but with new games always on the horizon, even the biggest Anthem supporters like myself might be reluctant to come back.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Anthem.

9. Remnant: From the Ashes

The term “Soulslike” tends to inspire rage in me, and I refuse to accept it as a genre. Now, my experience with Souls games is very limited and consists mostly of Bloodborne. It’s not the punishing gameplay that sent me running from Yharnam, but rather the lack of checkpoints in the beginning. I grew up in a time where games were often difficult and had bad checkpoints that didn’t save automatically, I appreciated the challenge back then as I didn’t have my own money to purchase every game that caught my fancy, so anything that prolonged my interest in a game was welcome. However, as an adult who wants to play all of the games but has limited time, I prefer games with overactive checkpoints and generally steer clear of anything described as Soulslike. On a whim, I purchased Remnant: From the Ashes and fell in love.

I think the thing that appealed to me most with Remnant was the combat, which like all good Souls-inspired games has a rhythm that depends on dodging as much as it does attacking. While most Souls games are hack and slashes, Remnant: From the Ashes is a third person shooter. As you get to know me, you will learn, I like to shoot things in video games. Early on I died a lot but instead of becoming frustrated, I actually enjoyed the challenge of getting better. The game also features procedurally-generated levels where the enemies differ each time you play. Combine that with the unique look and feel of the four main areas of Remnant: From the Ashes, the game never gets boring.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Remnant: From the Ashes.

8. Borderlands 3

Borderlands 3 for the most part sticks to the creed, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” While there’s a few slight improvements in gameplay and graphics, the game is still the irreverent, looter shooter packed with a “bazillion” guns that we have come to expect from the series.

Featuring an all new cast of Vault Hunters, along with a few familiar friends, the most notable improvement in Borderlands 3 is the ability to leave Pandora and visit other planets. Not only does this make the game more expansive, each planet has its own look and personality which is a nice break from the somewhat drab Pandora. Borderlands 3 isn’t rocket science; it’s hours of mindless fun, and at the end of the day, that’s all I really want from a Borderlands game.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Borderlands 3.

7. Destiny 2: Shadowkeep

I’ve had a love/hate relationship with Destiny since the first game’s alpha. I always go back to Destiny but I have to admit that the constant changing of rules and its grindy disposition makes me a little crazy. I love Bungie’s dedication to the game and with Shadowkeep I feel that they finally nailed Destiny’s potential, even if it took them five years to do it.

While parts of Destiny 2 went free to play, Shadowkeep seemed to be a love letter to their dedicated community and proved Bungie can sustain this massive game even without Activision’s backing. Destiny 2 is one of the most frustrating and riveting gaming experiences I’ve had this generation, and while I’ll stray from it for weeks, even months, coming back to it always feels right.

6. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare

There’s not a Call of Duty game that I haven’t played, but the epitome of the series for me were the first two Modern Warfare games. Since Modern Warfare 2, I’ll admit that the series has had its shares of hits and misses, but each year I wait unapologetically for the newest iteration and hope it will be great again. Since Infinity Ward welcomed back several key members who had left for Respawn after Modern Warfare 2 and created a new engine for the aging beauty, there was hope this was the year that the series would return to its former glory.

I have to say, I wasn’t disappointed. Finally gone was the Treyarch imprint of the Pick 10 system in multiplayer that I hated; in its place was a more streamlined and highly customizable system which gave average players like myself a chance to actually compete. Some of the larger maps took some getting used to, but for the first time in Call of Duty there is no paid DLC, and the new maps have been correcting some of the shortcomings of the launch maps.

After last year’s Black Ops 4 decided to focus on Battle Royale instead of a campaign, Modern Warfare was back with one of the best and most poignant campaigns to date. While it never reaches the level of   guilt that Spec Ops: The Line left me with, Modern Warfare does a good job of showing  the horrors of war by making you question the morally grey area of who is good and who is evil. This hits you the most when you play as Farah Karim. Her backstory is heartbreaking, but necessary to show how she became the kick-ass rebel commander of the Urzikstan Liberation Force.

Modern Warfare is one of the most engaging games of the year and has offered Call of Duty a new lease on life. I’m still regularly playing (and enjoying) Modern Warfare and looking forward to what it has in store for the future.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.

5. MediEvil

MediEvil was a real turning point for me in gaming. Not only did it thwart my gaming habit to obsession, it also paved the way to my PlayStation fangirl-ism. For the record, my heart might belong to Sony, but I’ll play on anything you set in front of me. Up until last year’s God of War, I always credited MediEvil as being my all-time favorite game. In fact, my love of the game runs so deep, I’ve always said that if I ever won the lottery, I’d singlehandedly fund a Kickstarter for MediEvil 3.

The game looked like a scene out of Tim Burton’s A Nightmare Before Christmas and featured elements of action-adventure, hack and slash, puzzle, and platforming games. The end result ended up being an irreverent story of an unlikely hero that attracted a cult following who were very vocal in getting Sir Dan Fortesque resurrected from the dead and obscurity in a newly remastered version of the beloved game. I always felt MediEvil was ahead of its time, so it’s no surprise that it still feels like a fresh concept in 2019 that I still have a ton of fun playing.

4. Concrete Genie

Sometimes a game can still be fun and entertaining while raising awareness. Concrete Genie from Pixelopus tackles the subject of bullying as experienced through the game’s protagonist, Ash. Through Ash’s eyes and paintbrush, you will escape the wrath of the bullies through a visionary narrative where your art and imagination come to life.

At first it appears as if Concrete Genie is just a glorified graffiti simulator, but as the story unfolds and Ash gains different powers and abilities, the game soon turns into something that feels like inFamous Lite. It’s a unique and charming game that I won’t soon forget. It also contains an optional VR mode that really exemplifies the concept of art coming to life. I absolutely adore Concrete Genie.

3. Darksiders Genesis

The last new game of the year I played quickly earned a spot high on my top ten of 2019. I’m a big fan of the Darksiders games, and when I heard that a prequel dungeon crawler would release so soon after Darksiders 3, I was giddy with excitement.

Darksiders Genesis lets you play as Strife for the first time, but you can also play as War, who was the star of the first game. Despite its isometric view, Genesis still looks and plays like a Darksiders game. The ability to switch between Strife and War is like getting to play your two favorite Diablo classes at once. It makes for great combat situations as well, as opens up the challenge of figuring out when to use Strife and when to use War in various situations. Surprisingly, it might be my favorite Darksiders game yet.

2. Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order

From the moment I heard Respawn Entertainment hired Stig Asmussen and that he was going to be lead on a Star Wars game, I was over the moon. However, once I remembered EA was involved and that there hasn’t been a good Star Wars game in so many years, I started to worry that I was just setting myself up for disappointment.

You should always go with your first instinct, because Jedi: Fallen Order is so good. Everything about it just speaks to me. It feels like it’s an amalgamation of every game I have ever loved from Uncharted to God of War set in one of my favorite cinematic universes. Wielding a light saber in this game is the closest I’ll get to being a Jedi; well, I prefer the Dark Side, so we’ll go with Sith. For someone who has loved Star Wars for their entire life, I’ll be forever thankful for this game and Respawn Entertainment.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order.

1. Control

I fell in love with Control back in March when I played an early build of it at GDC; I knew then this game was something special. Remedy rarely disappoints and their games are all unique experiences, but Control is definitely Remedy at their best. I love the look of the game: it’s dark and eerie, which immediately sets the perfect mood and tone for what is to come.

What really attracted me was the gameplay. Sure, you have a service weapon that takes on various forms which is cool in itself, but once I started unlocking Jesse Faden’s psychic powers and learned how to use them all together, it was next level gaming. On consoles the game suffers from a few performance issues, but it didn’t diminish my love of Control.

The best way I can describe Control and the reason it is my favorite game of 2019 is that it made me feel like I was starring in an episode of The X-Files that was directed by David Lynch. Trust me: that’s the ultimate compliment in my world.

Check out DualShockers‘ review for Control.

Check out the rest of the DualShockers staff Top 10 lists and our official Game of the Year Awards:

December 23: DualShockers Game of the Year Awards 2019 December 25: Lou Contaldi, Editor-in-Chief // Logan Moore, Managing Editor December 26: Tomas Franzese, News Editor // Ryan Meitzler, Features Editor  December 27: Mike Long, Community Manager // Scott White, Staff Writer December 28: Chris Compendio, Contributor // Mario Rivera, Video Manager // Kris Cornelisse, Staff Writer December 29: Scott Meaney, Community Director // Allisa James, Senior Staff Writer // Ben Bayliss, Senior Staff Writer December 30: Cameron Hawkins, Staff Writer // David Gill, Senior Staff Writer // Portia Lightfoot, Contributor December 31: Iyane Agossah, Senior Staff Writer // Michael Ruiz, Senior Staff Writer // Rachael Fiddis, Contributor January 1: Ricky Frech, Senior Staff Writer // Tanner Pierce, Staff Writer // Laddie Simco, Staff Writer

January 1, 2020 5:00 PM EST

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Bite Sized Books // The Arcs Which Time (Or I) Forgot Part 1

I am currently on a quest to conquer my Netgalley shelves by the end of the year (or at least to no longer have 26 books to review on there). I have a whole heap of books I simply forgot/no longer fancied reading and I am going to power through or at least read a solid way in (between 10 and 25%) and give them that chance to hook me. There are a few I know I will review and a couple of 2018 releases, so it’s not as bad as I’m making it in my head… but it’s quite bad.

This first batch of books (because I hope to have 3 or 4 of these posts up through to the end of the year) I had planned to call this batch the DNF Chronicles after I skimmed The Scot Beds His Wife to get an even vague idea of the story and because Duke With Benefits ended up being abandoned. I thought Juniper Lemon’s Happiness Index might be the same as I didn’t think I was in the mood for more YA… I was wrong. And then after being guilted into reading Completely by Nick I discovered that all my unread ARCs weren’t misses, I was just not giving them a full chance. These are my mini reviews for those books.

The Scot Beds His Wife (Victorian Rebels #5) – Kerrigan Byrne

Published: 3rd October 2017 Source: Netgalley Genre: Historical Romance My Rating:

The Scot Beds His Wife is the next lush, captivating Victorian romance in the Victorian Rebels series by Kerrigan Byrne. They’re rebels, scoundrels, and blackguards—dark, dashing men on the wrong side of the law. But for the women who love them, a hint of danger only makes the heart beat faster.

Gavin St. James, Earl of Thorne, is a notorious Highlander and an unrelenting Lothario who uses his slightly menacing charm to get what he wants—including too many women married to other men. But now, Gavin wants to put his shady past behind him...more or less. When a fiery lass who is the heiress to the land he wishes to possess drops into his lap, he sees a perfectly delicious opportunity...

A marriage most convenient

Samantha Masters has come back to Scotland, in a pair of trousers, and with a whole world of dangerous secrets from her time spent in the Wild West trailing behind her. Her only hope of protection is to marry—and to do so quickly. Gavin is only too willing to provide that service for someone he finds so disturbingly irresistible. But even as danger approaches, what begins as a scandalous proposition slowly turns into an all-consuming passion. And Gavin discovers that he will do whatever is necessary to keep the woman he has claimed as his own...

I received this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This in no way affected my opinion of the book, or the content of my review.

This one I agreed to review simply for the fact it mentioned a Scot (because who doesn’t love a good Scottish accent?) and I really wanted to enjoy it. I read the beginning and although it was a bit dark and twisted I could see a close bond between two brothers shining through and was thoroughly interested in the story. I thought I would see this brotherly connection between Liam (or a previous book in this series) Gavin and I was totally wrong. Maybe I’d have had a better idea if I’d actually read any of the previous books in this series, but I was mislead and that really affected my enjoyment.

When the book moved to the present the story just wasn't as interesting. I guess I should have read the summary a bit more closely as it did mention that this was about rogues and criminals. I just wasn't quite prepared for it and found the characters a little absurd and I couldn't connect. I genuinely didn't care for their story and ended up skimming through the book to the end. I probably wouldn't have even done that if I hadn't have gotten an ARC so felt obliged to be able to offer some thoughts on the book.

This book was not for me and I admit I was probably wrong to want to read. If I'd have read the summary I would have known it wouldn’t be what I was thinking in my head and I probably wouldn’t have been as interested in reading. You live and learn, don’t you?

Duke With Benefits (Studies in Scandal #2) – Manda Collins

Published: 27th June 2017

Source: Netgalley

Genre: Historical Romance

My Rating: DNF 

LADY + DUKE = TRUE LOVE?

Lady Daphne Forysthe is a brilliant young math prodigy with a burning passion for puzzles. When she learns that the library belonging to her benefactress houses the legendary Cameron Cipher a mathematical p that, once solved, holds the key to great riches Daphne is on the case. Unfortunately, her race to unlock the cipher s code is continually thwarted by a deliciously handsome distraction she hadn’t counted on. . .and cannot resist.

Dalton Beauchamp, the Duke of Maitland, is curious as to why Daphne is spending so much time snooping around his aunt s bookshelves. He s even more intrigued by her bold yet calculating manner: she is unapologetic about her secret quest. . .and the fiery attraction that develops between them both. But how can they concentrate on decoding a mathematical mystery once the prospect of true love enters the equation?

Witty, sensual historical romance that will captivate readers. Romance Junkies

I received this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This in no way affected my opinion of the book, or the content of my review.

I decided I was still fancying a good historical romance after finishing The Scot Beds His Wife, one where I didn’t have to flick through to the end just to sate my curiosity about what happened (it was ridiculous, don’t bother) so I picked up Duke With Benefits as I knew it was on my ARC list and I figured why not? I read the first book this series with Kaja and Danya and it was highly ridiculous and the mystery in it hadn’t been great and the characters weren’t brilliant, what on earth possessed me to read the second?

I tried valiantly but this one just didn't click for me. This is partly to do with how sudden the romance is. There isn't build up you are told the Daphne and Dalton have chemistry, there is a rejection of a possible affair to explore this chemistry and then you jump forward in time to the cipher mystery this book focuses around whilst our MCs supposed chemistry continues. I didn't feel this at all. Maybe it had been too long between reading the first one and this one where you would have noticed the chemistry. I don't know, but in the end, I felt like I'd been told more than seen the chemistry for myself, I didn’t even get to the good stuff with the romance because it felt so stiff and forced. Never a good sign for a romance.

Maybe I was too harsh but this romance and this series maybe won’t be one I continue for obvious reasons.

Juniper Lemon’s Happiness Index – Julie Israel

Published: 1st June 2017 Source: Netgalley Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary, Romance My Rating:

This moving and uplifting debut follows Juniper Lemon, heartbroken after her older sister Camilla's unexpected death, as she navigates the holes that have been torn in her world, and the mysteries that Camilla left behind.

It's hard to keep close a person everyone keeps telling you is gone.

It's been sixty-five painful days since the death of Juniper's big sister, Camilla. On her first day back at school, bracing herself for the stares and whispers, Juniper borrows Camie's handbag for luck - and discovers an unsent break-up letter inside. It's mysteriously addressed to 'You' and dated July 4th - the day of Camie's accident. Desperate to learn the identity of Camie's secret love, Juniper starts to investigate.

But then she loses something herself. A card from her daily ritual, The Happiness Index: little notecards on which she rates the day. The Index has been holding Juniper together since Camie's death - but without this card, there's a hole. And this particular card contains Juniper's own secret: a memory that she can't let anyone else find out.

The perfect summer read for anyone who loved All The Bright Places or The Fault In Our Stars.

I received this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This in no way affected my opinion of the book, or the content of my review.

This was the point I realised my ARCs weren’t all misses and those reads I’d put off because of bad reviews or simply because I’d not heard enough about them was judgey of me and I needed to do better.

Was this book a totally original YA contemporary? No. Did it matter? Not really. I may have felt like I'd seen some of these characters in one form or another in various YA but it didn't once bother me because this book was about much more than romance or friends (although, those things played significant roles within the story) this book, at it's heart, is about loss and grief and that was what was important with this one.

I began this book unsure of what to expect, to be honest, I was drawn in my the cover and the cool name. I needed little more than that for the story to appeal to me. I began reading and I was still uncertain what the book was about but with the mentioning of a sister that Juniper didn't wish to be reminded of and the various mentions of condolences it wasn't hard to tell this was a book which very much centred around less. It was heart-breaking to see Juniper struggle with the loss of her sister, especially as throughout the book you learn how close the two girls were. They were friends and Camilla played a major role in Juniper's life, pushing her out of her comfort zone to try new things and have new life experiences. The absence is never more obvious when you learn that as Juniper is still grieving and keeping herself separate at the start.

I enjoyed Juniper's quests within the book, especially with the lost and found things. I know some of the choices she made weren't right or fair but everything she did she with good intentions. She was never being cruel, she was just on a continual quest to make things right as she could never do that with her sister.

I enjoyed the friends Juni found along her way in the book. Kody was so sweet and I loved seeing her at the start, especially as she grew closer with Juni and Kody finally got to be herself and break from her old self. And Angela was so sweet with her love for unattainable men and how she was the most understanding for Juni. I wasn't as big a fan of Nate's, but I think that's because I easily saw that there was more to him than it initially seemed (nothing bad, I just saw things coming). It was Brand I loved, though. I know you shouldn't have a thing for bad boys, but I am a sucker for a fictional bad boy, especially when he was a real softie really. I do not forgive all of his actions in the book (there should have been grovelling) but I understood why he did as he did.

This wasn't a perfect read but it had me tearing up in all the right places and I didn't even notice the time as I read and those are really the signs of a good old enjoyable read

Completely (New York #3) – Ruthie Knox

Published: 26th September 2017

Source: Netgalley/Bought

Genre: Contemporary, Romance

My Rating:

Everest. If they can make it there, they can make it anywhere. Maybe even New York, where Ruthie Knox takes her charming rom-com style to new heights.

Beneath her whole “classic English beauty” appearance is an indomitable spirit that has turned Rosemary Chamberlain into something of a celebrity mountain climber. But after an Everest excursion takes a deadly turn, Rosemary is rescued by her quick-thinking guide, New York native Kal Beckett. Rosemary’s brush with death brings out a primal need to celebrate life—and inspires a night of steamy sex with the rather gorgeous man who saved her.

The son of a famous female climber with a scandalous past, Kal Beckett is still trying to find himself. In the Zen state of mind where Kal spends most of his time, anything can happen—like making love to a fascinating stranger and setting off across the world with her the next morning. But as their lives collide in the whirlwind of passion that is New York City, the real adventure is clearly just beginning. . . .

I received this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This in no way affected my opinion of the book, or the content of my review.

I got both an ARC and preorder myself a copy of Completely. I was excited for it’s release. I did a happy dance getting approved for the ARC. I was excited! So why did it take me so long to read? In fact, it was a tweet from Nick which guilted me into picking this up (thank you, Nick, you help me make good choices). I will forever be ashamed I didn't read this sooner but I'm also glad I waited until I was totally in the mood for a romance read as this book was a perfect example of romance done right.

I admit, I think I waited because I had some doubts. I loved the idea of the book and everything I’d hears about it but remembering what I knew of Rosemary from the last book I wasn't overly enamoured with her and wasn't sure I'd enjoy a book focused on her and her journey. Turns out I'm an idiot because I loved it. She was a powerful woman who had spent far too long as wallpaper. She finally had her freedom after divorcing Winston and choosing to climb Everest was part of her being her. When it doesn’t even remotely go as planned and she and her team are evacuated off of Everrest she ends up growing closer with Kal, an ice doctor on Everest (I didn’t know what that was either, I got a full mountain climbing education with this one). The romance which develops between the pair is brilliant, their chemistry is crazy, but I loved that they grew as friends as well. Like seriously, they were adorable and I loved them.

The thing is, this is a romance. It has an utterly brilliant romance between Rosemary and the slightly younger Kal (yay for an age difference romance which doesn't feature an older man) but it's way more about Rosemary finding herself and who she is it's her journey to who she is and also Kal's journey to regain his focus. Along the way the two just happen to fall in love and I love them for it. Rosemary was very lost, that was obvious from the first page. She is on a quest to find herself, which I think any woman is who is coming out of a long term relationship and has had children and is now trying to figure out who she was before marriage and being a mother. I think a lot of people will relate to Rosemary. I loved her realisations as she learnt what she actually wanted from life. And Kal! He used to be a sweet idealist thinking he could save the world, it sucked that he had to learn it isn’t as simple as having strong ideals but also work, and failure and a whole heap of picking yourself back up and trying something different. I really loved him figuring out his purpose once more, and the fact that he time with Rosemary helped him do that. The pair helped push one another forward and that’s what should happen in any good relationship.

This was a brilliant romance. I expect no less from Knox and I totally enjoyed every page. Kal and Rosemary are fantastic, the romance is brilliant, and this is a romance with an awesome story which links so well with the rest of the series which I hadn’t totally expected!

Have you read any of these books? Which ARCs have you put off reading for far too long? Anyone else discovered some brilliant books from their neglected book pile?

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