#I said maybe The Disir

[adhd-merlin]

I really like The Drawing of the Dark too, actually

[pippin-katz]

I have discovered that I don't like when fanfics have Arthur react badly to a magic reveal and then continue to have him be insensitive/rude/mean/discriminatory towards Merlin afterwards.

Of course, Arthur canonically reacts negatively to Merlin's magic reveal, but he comes around fairly quickly and the real issue was the deception rather than the magic.

Sometimes I'll read a fic and Arthur will be incredibly stubborn about magic being bad to the point where it's out of character. He had lost his mother to magic, but he still wanted to see the good in it when Uther was dying. Even after Uther died, he wanted to see the good in magic to save Mordred. He's always tried to consider the alternative.

Season 2, Episode 08 - "The Sins of the Father" "What if my father's attitude towards magic is wrong? Perhaps it's not as simple as he would have us believe. Surely not everyone who practices magic can be evil."

Season 5, Episode 05- "The Disir" "Perhaps my father was wrong, perhaps the old ways aren't as evil as we thought."

If it was the magic that bothered him in canon, he would've reacted far different. For example:

Arthur just watched Merlin (possibly) kill those two men. He watched his best friend and the person he trusted most use magic for violence; this is what magic is falsely associated with, but Merlin potentially confirms it in front of Arthur.

If the problem was the magic, he probably would've said something more along the lines of Merlin being a bad person or a monster. Instead he's far more focused on the fact that Merlin lied to him.

I don't mind if characters in fanfics are out of character sometimes, but I guess in this case, since it leads to Arthur being horrible to Merlin, it bothers me. It's an added reason to make him be cruel to him when there's plenty of reason there for a negative reaction already.

Maybe I'm just a snob or overly sensitive, but I guess an inaccurate portrayal of Arthur in magic reveal situations gets under my skin for some reason.

[kateis-cakeis]

Okay okay thinking about it, really thinking about it. My post from the other day (here) I said "you see him slip into this version of himself that is hardly recognisable, even when you compare him to his characterisation in S4" talking about S5 Merlin.

And then I really thought about, okay but what if say S1 Merlin was put into S5 Merlin's shoes, would he do any different? Would he?

Honestly, think about it.

Let's take him at the end of S1, where he was ready to give up his life for Arthur completely to save him. I mean sure he did that in S1Ep4, and tried to do it in S1Ep11, but Ep13 is where it really hits. He said goodbye after all.

This is a Merlin that was ready to tell Arthur about his magic, but was locked out of the possibility after Will lied as he died to protect him.

This is a Merlin who already tried to kill Mordred. Or well, let him die really. Not so much kill.

So let's look at lines from S1EP8 about Mordred dying vs Arthur dying, shall we? ...

"Would you let something terrible happen if it meant you'd stop something even worse happening in the future?"

"One of them's bad, really bad. And the other, it's...unthinkable."

"For once, you don't have to worry. I'm going to do nothing."

I cut out Gaius's replies because Merlin's lines are more important here. The 'something terrible' and the one that's 'bad, really bad' refer to letting Mordred be executed.

Meanwhile the 'something even worse' and 'it's unthinkable' refer to Arthur's death in the future.

He decides to do nothing as we know, he decides to let Mordred die, right up until Mordred pleads with him through telepathy.

That's the S1 Merlin we're dealing with.

Maybe if you took him from Ep1 or pre-S1 yeah he'd act differently, but S1 Merlin is as much defined by Arthur's impending death as S5 Merlin is.

The only difference is between them, S1 Merlin has destiny propelling him forward just a little more than S5 Merlin does. Whether by love or sheer dedication, S5 Merlin is even prepared to push aside his own freedom to save Arthur's life, just to condemn Mordred to death.

Would S1 Merlin do any different?

No, no I don't think he would. Not if he saw the vision, not if he saw Arthur fall.

S5 Merlin is defined by what he saw in the pool, he's defined by seeing what he believes is Arthur's death (not yet knowing he would survive for days after acquiring that wound)

If S1 Merlin, or even S2, 3, or 4 saw that same vision? I don't think they would do any differently.

Maybe he had more hope earlier on, sure, but that would be missing the way that S5 Merlin hopes. He tells both Mordred and Finna that it "won't always be like this". He hopes for freedom as much as S1 Merlin does, he's just more prepared to prioritise Arthur.

But isn't that what he's always done? S2, when he struggles to lie, but still does lie to Arthur about Morgause and his mother - He's thanked for reminding Arthur that sorcerers are evil.

The way he acts just before telling the lie is so similar to his expressions when he's about say "There can be no place for magic in Camelot" in S5Ep5.

That's the thing. I know I bang on about how S5 Merlin is so much darker and he is, he grew up after all. But I truly think if S1 Merlin saw that vision, nothing would have changed.

Nothing. Not even his actions with the Disir. Why would he, if there's a chance to try and kill Mordred Merlin always took it. Or tried to as much as he could.

S2 Merlin, put in S5 Merlin's shoes, might even edge closer to murder, that man tripped that kid up in the hope that two guards would kill him, and instead watched as Mordred killed the guards instead.

What, Merlin was innocent back in earlier seasons? That boy, that man, he was never innocent, man was down to murder from his very first day in Camelot.

So yes, S5 Merlin has ten years give or take of saving Arthur and setting aside his freedom, and that did indeed darken him and change him and mould him, but S1 Merlin already had enough experience that nothing would change.

Merlin was always going to condemn Mordred, he barely knew him early on after all, and later, he already had the knowledge of the vision.

Let's not forget that in S5, Merlin says he likes Mordred, but that he can't ignore what he saw. That he can't save the life of a man destined to kill Arthur, that he can't ignore what the dragon said. That Finna was right, he cannot trust Mordred, not after all he's been told.

I don't think any Merlin could do any differently if he was told all that, and shown Camlann.

There's no such thing as an innocent Merlin, not when it comes to Arthur's life. We can say he became too blinded, but in S4 he killed Agravaine, used dark magic to lock away Morgana's magic for a time, and took away Arthur's free will. S3 is a little harder, but he did command Kilgharrah against his will. S2 Merlin is easy, he tried to kill Mordred, and morbidly held Morgana as she was dying to the water he poisoned. S1 Merls is just people dying left and bloody right. Nimueh, god should we ever forget about the way he killed Nimueh. She fucking exploded.

All this to say, S5 Merlin didn't abandon his values because he already did that when they all first met Mordred. He just became more and more set, darker and darker over time. But if any version of himself was given that vision by the Vates, it's over, it's so over, because that's all it took.

To see Arthur fall, that's all it took. It's all it would ever take.

[mashkaroom]

Hey I happened Apon a post where you commented about how BBC Merlin is actually a horror series and your explanation of that was so compelling that it’s all I can think about now is Merlin through that meta narrative horror lense and I need you to talk about it more immediately or I might go coco bananas bc wtf I cant get it out of my head

Oh! Thank you, it's very nice to hear it was compelling :)) I don't quite remember what I said -- there's a lot about Merlin that's horrifying -- but I suspect that it had to do with the fact that the characters in Merlin are trapped and not allowed to escape. By virtue of the genre, we expect that they will escape. We expect that Merlin will be freed from his obligation to hide and to make compromising moral decisions because the future of the kingdom rests on his shoulders. We expect that Arthur will be freed from the world of lies he’s living in. The plot goes in this direction, too -- you’re so certain that that’s what’s going to happen in “sins of the father”....and then it doesn’t. You think it might happen in “the disir”...and then it doesn’t. In both these cases, Merlin intentionally lies to Arthur, keeping them both trapped. Add to this the fact that the writers keep resetting Arthur’s character to allow them to play out the same plot line over and over. I think, to be honest, this is just lazy writing, but the way it combines with the intentional writing choices gives you an uncanny feeling, kind of like watching a time loop and realizing the thing you thought would break it doesn’t, or like watching a vampire or zombie attack our protagonist and seeing the exact moment their struggle turns to acquiescence, watching the now-infected person return to their friends and feed on them without their knowledge. Even at the end, Merlin is not allowed to escape, forced to play out the same time loop for all eternity.

I’m really not a great horror aficionado, so I’m kind of struggling to come up with comparisons -- perhaps you’re better versed in horror theory and can articulate this better! I think the horror effect is most pronounced for me with Arthur’s storyline, especially with his relationship to Merlin. Arthur has no reason to believe he’s making decisions of anything other than his own free will, but he’s unaware of the manipulation constantly happening behind his back. Maybe the closest comparison i can think of is the truman show. The only character who is allowed to break out is Morgana, and she immediately becomes a monstrous villain, at least in the eyes of our protagonists.

This ask was the motivation i needed to actually make a merlin side-blog, so @camelotluteguild is it! I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this and related topics -- I think the thing that makes Merlin so compelling to me is the way in which different expectations and meta-narratives get layered onto each other, both intentionally and by virtue of a tv show being a group project -- it often leads to really interesting effects!

[lonesomedotmp3]

this is so embarrassing <3 but would you happen to maybe possibly have a merlin (2008) fic rec list beloved mutual..... not nearly enough fic writers get it like my beloved mutuals do

i can assure you that is absolutely not even close to as embarrassing as it is to have devoured any and everything the merlin fanfiction world has to offer. i have read aus that you would not believe. i have been subjected to characterisations and headcanons that would make anyone else instantly close the tab. i have read authors with such a poor clumsy grasp of british slang i could weep from embarrassment. yet i persevered. for MONTHS. and here is what me (and beth <3) have managed to scrounge up after all of that. please use everything i've just said as context that we were NOT in our right minds reading these. proceed with caution

tributes - the! hunger! games! fic!!!! iconic legendary spectacular THEE revolutionary turnaround for the merlin fanfiction game and for the horrors generally. do NOT go in overhyped tho me and beth went in like haha what a cool weird au and then it caught us off-guard that it wasn't written terribly. also good for something longer and about much more than just merlin and arthur. it's fr like watching the show again for better and for worse. it's got camp whimsy it's got our main duo acting like complete freaks it's got this constant suffocating sense of inevitable tragedy... slayed!

history books forgot about us and in dreams - by the hunger games writer so u know it's actually written well!! don't read their other stuff tho just trust me. my memory of the first one isn't great but i remember feeling with both that finally FINALLY someone Got the finale like me + beth did. short but just rlly solid satisfying follow-ups to the show.

the court of avalon - freya + arthur best friendism in avalon realest shit ever said!!! makes me go fucking crazy fr. YES this has way too much magic lore bullshit to it and i don't careeee they're my friends.... and FINALLY a proper post-finale fic where they don't just freeze arthur in time for 1500 years...

to the point of fear - slay little mordred character study!!!!

the world i built for you - the disir fix-it!! smth i have always wanted due to being sooooo Normal about that episode (arthur's matrix. if u even care). not perfect but worth a read for sure!!

long title and also long title - i rlly like established relationship fics. sorry for being cringe and boring some crimes can never b forgiven etc.

like clouds in starlight widely spread - ok the rest of these i'm going to copy/paste from my list for beth sorry <3 but if i've already written a little deseription for each one why give myself more work yk. anyway: sad and wistful and A Lot as someone who was about to move out of my hometown when i read this. if i said it chapter two vibes. actually that doesn't mean anything ignore that. at one point arthur goes "are you trying to tell me something?" and merlin responds with, "i'm always trying to tell you something." which uh. he really is huh. it's whatever though.

fundamental imperfection - merlin and arthur as writers, gets their first meeting right (arguing and being dicks, then immediately becoming obsessed with each other). don't remember much else except the sequel is unfinished heavy angst and i cried like three times. don't read that (+ HIGHLY positively peer reviewed by beth. tell us a story about love!!!)

as long as we have we - i know you've read that fake marriage christmas fic which i love a lot (maybe it has problems but it's just so endearing...) and this is the same vibe. or well it's christmas and it's sweet so

(and said xmas fic: no matter how far away you roam <3)

tintagel - i don't know how i feel abt merlin and arthur in this but the parallels made to ygraine and nimueh are just too insanity inducing to ignore. my price is my life yours is to bear witness.... they wrote that in 2009!!!! insane

ok that's a lot + it's the best merlin ff has to offer. which is still not that great but. enjoy!! + b thankful you do not have to go into the hellscape that is the merlin ao3 tag...

kingdoms - i have no memory of this tbh but i wrote 'yeah.' underneath the bookmark so it's gotta have something

sorry edit one more I forgot - merlin and arthur are exes and arthur is just soooo weird and sad and repressed about it. also peer reviewed 🫶 (X) and also check out beth's merlin fanfiction recs tag if for some insane reason u want more. ok bye 🫂

[upstartcrow1564]

Now, you (and when I say “you,” rest assured I mean “we”) may have gotten yourself into a pickle here. Maybe you over-committed or said “yes” to something without fully knowing what you were agreeing to, and in so doing you committed yourself to a path that you can’t get off now. You’re stuck, perhaps. But today’s draw says that even though you feel stuck, there are benefits that go along with where you are and what you’re doing. It’s possible to find happiness even in the worst circumstances, so don’t give up hope. Think different. Change your perspective. Pretend you’re an alien from Planet 49 and take a scientific approach to your circumstances instead of an emotional one. Where can you learn something new? Where can you expand your skill set? The path is winding so you can’t see what’s ahead. [Image shows 12. The Outlaw: Sacrifice and Redemption card from the Spirit Keeper’s Tarot deck, Revelation Edition - a figure is hanging by the foot between two ornate pillars; he’s hanging from an Ankh and a snake is winding around his outstretched leg up toward his heart; both hands are tied behind his back and a Merkaba floats before his right eye with beams of golden light emanating from it; a butterfly emerges from its chrysalis and the columns are wrapped in roses and lilies - the Norse rune Sowelu, the “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” charm, the Bluebird of Happiness charm, the Dog Bone charm, the Sagittarius charm, the Great Octopus charm, and the Freya’s Labyrinth charm.] #tarot #oracle #runes #charms #volva #vitki #disir #ancestress #seer #tarotreading #tarotreadersofinstagram #tarotcards #dailytarot #tarotadvice #divination #divinersofinstagram #charmcasting #SpiritKeepersTarotRevelation #TheMusesDarling #witchesofinstagram #GetCreative https://www.instagram.com/p/Ch2P6azr2_A/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[farieshades]

What would be different if Merlin had chose not listen to Gaius and Kil about Morgana and Mordred?

... By Kil i'm going to assume that's Kilgharrah who's advice isn't helpful and a bit of a s.o.b. you know? We're goin with that logic here.... 

Annnnd 'What would be different'.... 

Nothing and everything. 

In regards to Morgana, when she comes to him he wouldn’t tell her it was a dream or that she should go to the druids, he’d do what his heart told him to, and tell her that it’s alright, that she’s not crazy, that she isn’t evil or destined for darkness as Uther’s propoganda said. He could, at that point, choose to show her his magic, but for the sake of argument, let’s just say he doesn’t. Morgana now has Merlin backing her, maybe helping her with books that Gaius has, a spell here and there for her to master her control in the waking world so her dreams do not overwhelm her. Maybe he is the one that will craft an enchantment to help her sleep so her nightmares don’t make her lash out, and instead she could have soft dreams.

In regards to Mordred, there wouldn’t be any near death experiences. Merlin wouldn’t hesitate to get Mordred out of the castle when Arthur and Morgana plotted it instead of the last moment aid he provided. He wouldn’t be tripping a kid in front of knights who were slaughtering people. He’d probably let Mordred run away at that point and not see him again until he shows up with the Bandits/Slavers. At that point, should Morgana have still turned, I see it playing out the same, but with less hostility from Merlin, up until Mordred is knighted in which there would be actual pride. The first Druid knight under Arthur, and Arthur’s not an idiot, he definitely knows this kid was once a practicing Druid, was he still? Arthur hasn’t the foggiest and if he doesn’t know he cant sentence him, so Arthur prefers to keep it like that. Merlin on the other hand, knows, and can definitely use the magical help when problems show up.

The biggest change I see is Merlin not hesitating to say “save Mordred” under the Disir ultimatum. I… don’t like that the Disir made the ultimatum in that way, making it seem like Arthur would be forced to accept magic at the price of a knight, but fuck it it happened anyway. With Mordred alive and Magic in camelot, the balance is out of order in a way (life for life theory) so, (i’ve read before in a few fics) Kara dies in place of Mordred saving him from betrayal and treason early on.

Ultimately, Camlann will happen. Probably. Unless you go with a lesser known death scene for Arthur I guess. Mordred will eventually turn against Arthur, but in what way, who knows. Could be 50 years from that point and Arthur becomes addled in his old age and Mordred just pushes him down a flight of stairs or something. Anything could happen.

[the-king-and-the-druidess]

Before the Purge, everything was not very good in Albion even with free magic.

Gaius in Lamia said that "The High Priestesses in their wars with the High Kings used..."

That is, there was already tension and war and division. Then Uther came and some of the magicians sided with him, some hid, some were killed. The former magic center of the Island of the Blessed was destroyed (maybe I'm wrong, but my headcanon is that it was destroyed by Uther or his men.)

The magical side was punished.

But after the birth of Arthur (accidental and not accidental at the same time), two prophecies were uttered, one with a bad ending and the other with a good one.

And maybe the point was not JUST to liberate magic so that everything would be as it was before the Purge but so that magic–a power of heavens–as well as earthly power of kingdoms would unite and transform for universal prosperity and common good.

Arthur and Merlin were chosen for this–Arthur for the earthly side, Merlin for the magical (in this golden age, there is no place for Morgana, Morgause and Mordred, they are spare pieces on this board)

But the Chosen Ones failed. Gaius in Disir(it's always Gaius) also said that in order to change destiny you need to repent. No one did this and the line of Kings and Priestesses was ended by the judgment of the Goddess so that there would be no more war: the prophecy with the bad ending came true.

But it was peace.

But I also think that Camelot still fell for real with the death of Arthur, even though we saw the rest of the knights and Gwen for a moment. The series is used real historical detail in the form of the Anglo-Saxon invasion, which means it is a hint that as in reality Britain has become England. That is, both magic and kingdoms have disappeared and that's why Merlin is shown in the ordinary modern world.

The earthly kingdom side was punished in the same way as the magic heavenly side many years ago.

Maybe the punishment for magicians seemed harder, but after all, those who have been given a lot have a bigger responsibility? We often sympathize with magicians and wish liberation for them (me, for example) but what if Destiny is not on anyone's side?

[lesbiancressidacowper]

oh christ we got the disir next. maybe we call it a day on merlin now

[camelotsheart]

Thinking about Colin Morgan’s interpretation of season 5. About how Merlin’s character regression is shown by how further and further away his focus goes from his dream of - as Colin himself says - “a kingdom he wants to live in, a future in which he can be whoever he wants to be – which is himself”, how Merlin chooses to “[continue] his life of regression” instead of “being accepted” because “he thinks he’s doing the right thing".

Thinking about how the tag line for season 1 is "Magic is his destiny", and how Merlin looses his magic and learns to be himself again in 5x12, in the "place where magic began" , because Merlin is magic, and magic is Merlin. Magic is his destiny, but Merlin doesn't realise that, because as Colin says, "his destiny is maybe not what he thought it was".

Thinking about how in 5x05 fate is canonically differentiated from destiny, in that fate can change and destiny can't, and how it was Arthur's destiny to die in Camlann but Camelot's fate to fall. About how the old religion is "the magic of the earth itself" and "the thing that binds all things together", and how Merlin is magic -- "the fabric of the world". How Merlin is the old religion.

Thinking about how the Disir say that the only way to prevent Camelot's fall was to accept the old religion, and how the prophecy said that Arthur was going to "meet his end" in Camlann, not near Avalon. How the fisher king says that Arthur's quest is not so much Arthur's as it is Merlin's, and how Arthur's choice in 5x05 was as much Arthur's choice as it was Merlin's. How Arthur says in 5x05 "where would we be, Merlin, if no one had given us a chance”, and how how Arthur might have been kept alive after being stabbed in Camlamm to give both Merlin and Arthur a chance to save Camelot.

Thinking about how Merlin's discovery of himself in the crystal cave was also him reconnecting to magic and the old religion, how his confession to Arthur was him giving his dreams of being accepted another chance because there was no reason for him to confess his magic to Arthur otherwise.

Thinking about how Arthur's acceptance of Merlin's magic equaled an acceptance of magic and the old religion, and how Merlin -- a personification of both -- "brought peace at last" by killing Morgana, thus subverting Camelot's fate and achieving Arthur's wish of "it is not victory I seek, it is peace". How magic and the old religion gave Arthur the peace he wanted because he accepted Merlin, but since Arthur is destined to die, he dies.

Thinking about how Merlin achieved peace, but not victory. How he, as Morgana says, "won the battle" but "lost the war" because Arthur "[died] by Mordred's hands", because his destiny is maybe not what he thought it was.

Thinking about how Merlin wished peace for Arthur, because without him, "Camelot is nothing".

[liptonsbabe]

Scared of the dark [D.M]

Parte 1, Part 2

Draco Malfoy x reader

Summary: Draco and the reader are engaged when the war bursted. You want to be at Harry’s side but Draco refuses to leave his parents for a lost cause so you have to take a hard decision

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: Death, swearing, angst

English not my mother language. Please tell me if something’s wrong

"The Death Eaters are coming," Draco said with a bright smile on his face "The Dark Lord is on the verge to rising with the power”

"That's what you think. What everyone believes. I think it won't be like that"

Draco looked at you as you crossed your arms. You were both inside the castle in the common room of your house. Draco was just waiting for a sign from his equals to start acting.

"You don't know what you're saying"

"I do" you said. "Do you remember that time when Harry raised an entire army?" Dumbledore's army? Well, if Harry was able to recruit students from all the houses to teach them spells himself that they never taught us here, I think he is capable of defeating Vol ...

"I still haven't forgotten your betrayal by joining that silly army, (Y/N)" he interrupted you

"You forgave me for it"

"I only did it because I love you"

You were silenced by Draco's words. You walked up to him and caressed his cheeks

"I love you too, Draco, but you have to understand that this is not right" you said "You know that everything will change if Voldemort ..."

"Don't say his name!"

"Merlin's sake, Draco!" you yelled at him "You are one of his death eaters, you had him living in your house, you can't fear his name!"

"I do when I'm with you," he admitted as strange noises began to be heard outside. "I don't want him to hurt you."

"That would be impossible. Vol ... He-who-must-not-be-named" You rectified seeing how Draco flinched "hates me. He will seek any means to kill me"

"It would have been different if you had only acepted to have the Dark Mark"

Draco seemed upset that you had refused to be a Death Eater, or maybe it was that he was jealous of you because you had the courage to oppose it.

"You know well that I would never fight for the Dark Lord's cause."

"Your parents paid for it. You were aware that Voldemort punished them. He practically tortured them for you!"

"and so they were fully aware of my null loyalty to their lord"

"It's ridiculous!" Draco yelled, still appreciating the sounds of the upcoming battle. "You're the daughter of Death Eaters!" Your brother decided to get the Dark Mark!

“My brother is dead!” Your eyes crystallized with anger and sadness. Draco wished he hadn't said that "he died from his stupid obsession with the dark arts! And that is just what you are doing. You'll end up like my brother, dying like a fucking Death Eater!"

"You said you didn't care when I asked you to marry me," he replied. His eyes closed with anger

"And it was true until you started taking this personally. I don't even recognize you anymore”

Draco's face contracted allowing himself to shed a few tears, being you the only person who could see your fiancé in that way. You caressed her soaked cheeks

"You know I don't have a choice. He will kill my parents if I don't stay by his side"

"And do you really think your parents cares? They are too bussy achiving their own desires that they are not capables to think about what you want. Maybe Narcissa will, but what about Lucius? I don't think he gives a shit, Draco"

He seemed to think about it for a moment and then he kissed you fleetingly

"Never before had anyone cared about me or what do i disire"

"I do, Draco." You took him by the cheeks making him look you in the eyes. "What do you want?" What do you really want?"

Your hands were wet from Draco's new tears. Outside the castle, the war roared.

"I want ... I want to be with you and that we can get married. To have an abundant family and a huge house where our children can play. I want ..." Some knocks and screams were heard inside the castle "I want to be happy with you

"Then let's do it," you said. "Let's get out of here and fight on Harry's side. We can help him end all this madness, Draco, please..."

Draco denied

"No. I can't. My parents ..."

"Draco ...

"We can still be happy with Voldemort leading the wizarding world. We can..."

"No!" You yelled at him with tears streaming down your cheeks "Don't you understand? I don't want to live like this! I don't want to live in fear, nor do I want to live serving the Dark Lord. I am not willing to do it"

"You will have to. There is no other way out."

"Yes there is"

"What are you talking about?"

You didn't want to do what you had in mind, but you knew it was for the best. You removed the ring from your finger

It was something very symbolic for both of you. Not only because it represented your engagement, but it was a relic that didn't belong to the Malfoys. Draco had bought it for you thinking that you wouldn't want to acquire something that belonged to his family. The opals ring was unique among the Malfoys and that made it even more special. Draco was horrified to see what you were doing.

"You know I have never cared about the dark arts. In my family I was rejected for refusing several times to use the cruciatus curse on innocent people, Slytherin members hates me for it. I know that I am different, that was the reason I decided to join Dumbledore's army and then ask him to accept me into the Order of the Phoenix.

"What?" Draco asked surprised.

"Yes. Dumbledore accepted me into the Order before he died. He said that I could be very young, but my determination was what defined me"

you approached Draco once more stretching your arms

"I could never live in a world dominated by him. So I prefer to die fighting for the good. I can't fail everyone in the Order"

"But you're failing me!" Draco yelled desperately. "I thought you loved me!"

"I do. That’s why I ask you to join me. Fight for Harry, for the Order, for Dumbledore ... for me"

Draco slammed away

"I will never!. I will not endanger my parents' lives for that stupid bastard!"

"Then I have nothing to do with this"

You gave him the ring with all the pain in your heart

"I'm sorry, but I won't fight on Voldemort's side. You can do it if you want but i'll be helping Harry to the very last"

And after taking one last look at Draco, you grabbed onto your wand and went out through the portrait in search of your fellow Order members and Harry. Seeing him, you wrapped him in a hug. Harry looked at you worried

"Are you okay? What happened with Draco?"

"I couldn't convince him." You admitted sobbing. Harry smiled at you traying to cheer you up

"I'm sorry"

"me too"

You smiled back and then ran towards to one of the Weasley brothers who was being attacked by your father.

On the other side of the castle, Draco squeezed the engagement ring and then threw it hard against one of the columns in the common room while he wept. Not knowing that, on the other side, his love was being killed by her own father

[bethanyeliseart]

Time for more after midnight Merlin ramblings!! I'm really just writing this because I need to get these thoughts down. I just got to The Disir episode in my Merlin rewatch and boy oh boy does this one cause a strong urge to cry in absolute frustration more so than the finale(not that the finale doesn't make me want to sob into a lake). It's not that it's a bad episode, it's probably one of my favorites in terms of writing (so this might also be me pointing out things I really liked) like how Revenge of the Sith is my favorite star wars movie but it also makes me want scream into my pillow.

Basically it's Merlin and Arthur's decisions, mainly Merlin. I know Arthur has always been arrogant but c'mon man, disrespecting the Disir's sacred place !! While he jokes about Merlin's worries, he usually comes around and sees how serious he is about something this important. That one might actually be because of iffy writing. They tend to wash away any character development Arthur gets, in regard to magic, a few episodes after he gets that development. But anyways, his insolence is what leads to Mordred being hurt, thus leading to Merlin's big dilemma.

Now onto Merlin which is the number one reason I was frustrated. Obviously he screwed up in telling Arthur not to bow to the Old Religion, since the Disir let Mordred live anyway. I do understand why he did it, but as a watcher you obviously shout at the TV all the things they could've done or taken into consideration. All he's been hearing about the moment he stepped into Camelot was how there is this big destiny he's apart of to protect Arthur, so that magic and peace can be brought back to the kingdoms. And Mordred has been made to look like the biggest threat to Arthur. For him it really doesn't get any clearer than a straightforward vision from a seer. But in opposition, Gaius said the future is always changing and there's no clear path. Which yes! And Kilgharrah was the president of the get rid of Mordred club since he was a child. Poor Merlin is pulled in so many directions because he knows Arthur is so fond of Mordred and you can even see that Merlin was beginning to like him at the start of the ep! The little moment of them paying their respects to the sorcerer and talking about their magic! It makes me so emo. Obviously Merlin is devastated about telling Arthur that there can be no magic in Camelot, but the way I think we're meant to see it is that he's hoping that sentiment will be temporary for Arthur. Because no Mordred, Arthur doesn't die, Arthur gets to bring back the magic. (God, Merlin and his relation with his magic and other magic users is entirely something else I could get into, but I won't for now) But aghh that also can just lead to Arthur's further disdain for magic. Like after Uther kicks the bucket due to magic, Arthur states that all magic is evil. So Merlin, you should've taken that into consideration, Mordred's death would be Uther's 2.0 !! The end of the ep makes it clear that had Merlin told Arthur to bow down, Mordred living would be for the better this time. Arthur would welcome magic into the kingdom and maybe Mordred would've told Kara of the good his King had done, she wouldn't die, and Mordred wouldn't seek revenge on Arthur.

Anyways that's just me being like any other person getting frustrated over what if scenarios. While I like to think oh how wonderful it could've been if Merlin had thought this through and given Mordred the benefit of the doubt, I don't think it makes sense in this storyline if he did. To me this story has always been a tragedy so it was never going to have the happiest of endings. Like he told Gaius, he'd grown up, well more accurately he's been traumatized by what happened with Morgana. So after more than 5? years of seeing the constant threats to Arthur, Merlin's not going to take any chances. I'm not an expert in literature, but I think Merlin has a negative character arc and I love that the later seasons highlight it. Props to Colin Morgan for the scene when he's literally tearing up over having to tell Arthur there can be no magic. I freaking love the parallel to s1 the beginning of the end ep, Merlin being emotionally distraught over the decision to help Arthur save Mordred or not both times, but this time it ends with him choosing no.

Honestly I like season 5 because there's so much at stake and I love when things like fate start to come together. But what makes me mad is that we didn't get another season when the plot really requires it. The first way another season could've gone is Arthur doesn't die in s5 and he and Merlin bring peace to the kingdom, fulfilling their destiny (personally I think Arthur would still have to die at the end of s6 at Mordred's hand but the end credits could be him rising idk!). Second is the last season could be Arthur rising again, but not as far as the 21st century. Personally I would love to see Gwen ruling Camelot with Merlin as her advisor, and then halfway through the season there would be an intense challenge and Arthur would rise again. Basically it was rushed which we all know.

It's late so these thoughts are very messy and contradicting. But one of the reasons I love this show is because it makes me think so much about the characters and their decisions! (also I'm a sucker for tragic heroes) Feel free to add your thoughts and opinions below on the Disir episode or just Merlin in general!

[prithi]

gaara x reader

* this is when temari and shikimarus son is 4-6 years old you can consider him you neice and you and gaara can be the disired age you want( for me we are 18-20)

oh and sorry for my grammer and spelling i really didn’t care lol

you and gaara have been together more then shikadai was born but you guys barley spend time since ya’ll are both powerfull ninja’s protecting the villages. one day you came over to temaries and shikamaru’s house just to visite with gaara in konoha. after some time your neice shikadai came up to you and asked” auntie y/n have you ever kissed uncle gaara before?” you blussed as you relized it has been long since you two kissed and barely ever did. “ yea but its been a long time and we usallly don’t”, “oh i never really seen you kiss him before” shikadai said in suspense as he wanted to see you and gaara kiss. “ haha maybe one day”. when you and gaara got back to the sand village gaara was supposed to go on a meeting thats gunna last for a long time but you remembered of what shikadai said and you had to do something. “ gaara wait” he looked back at you. “umm.....” after a few second you just went in with a kiss and said” good luck bye” as you just had one of the best feelings. 

small gaara pov

y/n called for me to wait and unexpectadly went in for a kiss.i relized we havn’t kissed in so long but this was an amazing feeling... 

[zykamiliah]

Arthur IS coming back, because there's no evidence to the contrary, and Avalon is another world, not a tower on a piece of grass

Maybe I'm in denial, and correct me if I'm wrong, but what does Arthur being the Once and Future King has to do with what the Disir/the triple goddess said? Yeah they let Mordred live so he would kill Arthur in his first life. Doesn't say anything about the future. It's like if you took Merlin's Emrys title away just because he failed, which definitely didn't happen. The Disir basically said "accept magic or perish (in this life)"

I reread the script for The Disir episode and:

OSGAR

It is both judgement and fate. You have waged war on the people of the Old Religion. Now the ancient gods answer you. The Disir have spoken. The circle of fate begins to close. For even as Camelot flowers, the seeds of her destruction are being sown.

ARTHUR

What nonsense is this?

OSGAR

It is not too late, Arthur. Not too late to find the true path. Redeem yourself. No further chance shall be given.

Arthur is being offered a "true path", which if you ask me it's pure rhetoric. Of course, to the one speaking, their side's beliefs are always the true path. We'll get to what "the true path" is all about later.

The first thing Merlin and Arthur do, naturally, is go to Gaiuspedia to learn about the The Disir. This is what he says:

GAIUS

The highest court of the Old Religion. Three women were chosen at birth to be trained as seers and soothsayers. Their only task was to interpret the word of the Triple Goddess. When they sat in judgement, their word was final.

Interpret. I n t e r p r e t. They see visions and make their own judgment. This are just highly trained seers like Morgana who are given the authority to speak in the name of the Triple Goddess. Their word was final because as we've been shown, most visions are pretty inevitable. You can change what happens after, but what the vision shows is pretty much set in stone no matter how much you try to avoid it.

Fun fact: there's never a vision of Arthur being the high king of Camelot, or repelling the ban on magic. What visions were shown though? Arthur's death at Mordred's hand. In s1, Arthur drowned by Sophia. In s3, the whole thing with the dagger and Morgana almost dying. Gwen getting crowned. Things that actually happened no matter how much the opposing parties tried to thwart fate.

GAIUS

(...)It is said that only the gods can alter a man’s fate… And even then, only when he repents and appeases them.

And if it is set on stone, what can the gods do? Obviously perform a deux ex machina. In this case it would be to kill Mordred, which prevents Morgana learning about who Emrys is. Camlann still would happen, Merlin would just be there from the start of the battle.

KILGHARRAH

You were right to summon me, Merlin. The Disir are the mouthpiece of the Triple Goddess. It is she who has decreed Arthur’s fate.

MERLIN

What is it to be?

KIILGHARRAH

The runemark predicts Arthur’s death.

MERLIN

When? When will Arthur die?

KILGHARRAH

The future is never clear, Merlin. You should know that by now. There are many paths. Not all lead to Camelot’s ruin.

Kilgharrah summs up what the Disir will tell Arthur later: that this path is most likely leading to Arthur's death (in this life) and Camelot's ruin. (Still no mention of his "second" life)

2nd DISIR

Embrace the ways of the Old Religion, Arthur. Or risk the ire of the Goddess.

3rd DISIR

The destruction of everything you most value.

2nd DISIR

The end of your reign.

3rd DISIR

The fall of Camelot itself.

The Disir's ultimatum is as I said before: Arthur can either accept the old Religion or lose everything. I doesn't states or implies anything about his status as the Once and Future King.

1st DISIR

The future holds much pain and suffering for you, Arthur Pendragon.

2nd DISIR

For you and your people.

3rd DISIR

If you wish to save all you hold dear.

2nd DISIR

If you wish to save your kingdom.

1st DISIR

Embrace the Old Religion.

2nd DISIR

Learn her ways.

3rd DISIR

Bow to the Goddess.

The future they've seen, which is the same that Merlin was shown a part of, are the visions of Arthur dying in Camlann and Camelot falling. The future that's pretty much set in stone and could only be prevented by divine intervention. That's what the Disir are offering in exchange for keeping Mordred dead. Because if he doesn't, this path will lead him to the destruction of his kingdom, the loss of his loved ones, and his own death. The "true path", one of many as Kilgharrah said, would be one that met the Disir's demands.

ARTHUR

(...) I cannot do as you ask.

2nd DISIR

Consider carefully, Arthur Pendragon.

3rd DISIR

This is your last chance to save all that is dear to you.

1st DISIR

It will not come again.

Does any of this has anything to do with the Once and Future King deal? Do they imply anything that's not directly related to the immediate future and the battle of Camlann? No. It's about what he can do to save his kingdom now, in this life.

3rd DISIR

You have made your decision.

2nd DISIR

Sealed your fate.

1st DISIR

And that of your kingdom.

(Script Source)

Sorry Arthur Pendragon, you didn't accept the bargain. No Deux ex Machina for you. This is why he condemned himself. This is why he's his own bane, because he made this decision.

The Disir's judgment is about the destiny of Camelot, about his own fated death. It has nothing to do with his second coming. If the Triple Goddess or the Disir power could alter fate to such extent, they could have done something about that unfaithful Emrys who was, seemingly, no friend of the Old Religion. But they can't. They can't take his powers away for good. They can't sway him on their favor, much as they resent that. Even if he failed in bringing the golden era, Merlin is Emrys and always will be. And because they are two sides of the same coin, linked by destiny, for better or worse, Arthur will always be the Once and Future King. Nor The Triple Goddess nor the Disir can take that from them. It's what they are, their birthright, their magic.

[fictional-thoughts]

Sweetness

the mandalorian x reader

i had this idea that, when given the chance, my guy mando really enjoys going down on his girl. so! let’s all thirst for the hottie with a helmet on ;)

words: 2.6k

warnings: smut, female receiving oral, blindfold use, slight bondage, naked female, clothed male

—

The early morning light is splayed over her body, dots of golden light sprinkles her skin and the light grey sheets of the bed, the thick and heavy comforter pulled back and forgotten it hangs from the edge of the bed.

The Mandalorian takes in the sight, his bare hands curved around her thighs, thumbing the soft skin in smooth circles. Without the helmet contouring his vision, he sees everything so clearly, the intimate details of her, the way her reddened lips part in soft sounds, her wrists crossed and twisting in the soft bounds he’d looped around only moments before, her soft hair against the worn pillow, the arches of her back, pushing her chest upwards as her body is moving without thought, only chasing the closeness he so promised her.

She’s so warm in his inexperienced hands, he’d never imagined anything to be as good as the way she felt under him. He’s had her before, but every time it feels brand new, opening a vault of hidden opportunities, slick and ready at his wanting.

The light turns as the morning drags on, splashing lines of light seen through the chipped windows of The Mandalorian’s Ship. His hands chase the warm light, pulling and feeling down upwards until they reach her breasts, she jumps at the contact, smiling softly as his large hands engulfe the softness of her breast.

“Please,” she’s quiet, barley loud enough for him to hear. Her eyes are closed under the black silken fabric covering her eyes. Keeping the secret of who the Mandalorian really was. The identity unknown, all that runs through her veins in soul attraction to who he was as a person, not a Mandalorian, a Bounty Hunter, a killer... One who she trusted enough to have her in this way.

“Is this what you want?” He’s close to her ear, his warm breath tickiling her neck, his deep voice mixed with heavy breathing curling through the air, sending warm shocks of arsousl through her. She shudders, trangled up in the idea of him touching her just a little more. The Mandalorians large hand is still on her breast, his palm running down, fingertips sinking into the soft flesh. “Talk to me,” he’s kissing her neck, slowly and messily, basking in the taste of her, the sounds of her soft voice, the creaking of the bonds; he knows just how bad she wishes to touch him, to break from the bonds and feel him alive under her fingertips, to knot her hands in his thick hair, drag her nails in lines down the soldiers back, knives to a stone.

The ripping feeling of desperation is nearly killing her, he’s biting down on her shoulder and squeezing her chest and it’s all too much, she’s tugging on the restraints as her breathing speeds up; she’s sure he can hear her heart pounding. “Keep going,”

He catches her mouth in his own, their lips come together in bruising force of lips tongues and teeth clashing and he inhales deep through his nose as she nearly steals his breath away, her lips part and she licks into his own and he’s only able to stop himself from devouring her again and again. It’s all rotten candy and sickly sweet wine, she’s a whisper of what things in heaven should taste of. His hands never stop moving, mapping the plains of her body, an artists shaping the statue, he’s everywhere all at once, she chokes on a gasp as he tweaks one of her nipples before moving to taste her with his tongue. The warm wetness of his mouth over on her tit is pushing her closer to collapsing with heated arousal.

She figures she wouldn’t need the blindfold next time, her eyes are screwed shut and not going to open for a while as the shocks of pleasure leak through her system. She can feel his soft hair brushing her flesh, his teeth dragging and digging over her skin, the roughness of his face, his chapped lips, his calloused, battle worn hands; yet they hold her so gently. It’s a battle of fire and fire within her and in him as well. He’s worried he’s taking everything out on her, getting lost in her body to forget his life, the blood on his hands, shards of broken bones and echoes of screaming victims.

The Mandalorians helmet and gloves are off, those are the only parts of him bare to her, to match her exposed nakedness. The helmet is on its side on the floor, the visor staring at the two lovers, entrnagled within one another, sharing breath through bruising kisses and his hands moulding her skin to his touch.

“Mando...” she doesn’t know his name, know his past, she only knows sharp words and gunfire, the smell of blaster smoke and the feeling of fearing of her life. “Gods, you have to touch me.”

He drags himself from her breasts and moves to cup her jaw in his large hand, pull her face closer to his, meet her swollen lips to his own. Short and damp are the kisses, slicked together with the rush of the risk. His knee keeping him upright is sinking the mattress, the hard metal plates of his amour are alien to her bare skin, and send shivers up her arching spine when the metal glides over her skin. Before tying her up, he’d slowly helped her remove her clothes, catching her lips with his own in between quickening moments of rushed passion. His adoration of her only grew when he realized she trusted him in such a way, to have her blinded, at his own mercy, a victim like no other.

He’s lathering her skin with marks and sensing out her sweet spots by following her patheticly sweet sounds, the soft sighs, hushed whimpers and moans of his name. His hand moves to push her thigh down, giving him room to settled between them, and he sees she’s so, so, so wet. She’s hot and slick with arousal. Her body trembles as he rids some of his armour, freeing up his albilty to contort and lower himself to her centre, to begin what he so desperately wanted to do. He remembers tasting her on his tongue for the first time; under her careful instructions he had buried his head between her warm thighs, snug around his ears. His chin and lips were soaked in her dripping honey he had curled his mouth around her most sensitive spots, delved his warm tongue into the cleft of her cunt he dragged her up the hill to climax, all through her whines of estastic pleasure, soft orders and shrill moans.

He’s brought back to the moment when she speaks.

“I wanna feel you so bad,” she’s pleading, not caring to see him, but to break the man free of his chains and armour, to peel back his clothing and expose him fully to her wanting, to feel the contours of his muscles, hard and sinewy under his slicked skin, she wants to tear open what’s left of his humanity and use it for her pleasure and hers alone.

Before her, the Mandalorian never thought of sex, of holding one so close he could shatter them and piece them back together, to have one at total mercy, and for them to be desperate for it. He’s moving by pure instinct, and had been each time he’s taken her before that. She’s been there for him, an open body for him to burrow into, bask in the warmth of her, to taste her, tear her apart, lick up the sweetness of her and rebuild her, all in the darkness of her own willingness.

“You trust me?” His voice is rough and slurred with his growing disire to have her. She’s nodding frantically and the Mandalorian is watching her, chest heaving. She, to him, is something else entirely, the Mandalorian is not so sure if he should fear the way she makes him feel. He would burn cities for her, destroy battleships, take a million live in cold blood is she told him to. It doesn’t cause him fear nor resentment, but utter amazement that she alone has chosen him.

“Please,” she’s saying again, her voice dipped in something so sweet he feels a skip in the pattern of his heartbeat. The Mandalorian sighs against her, inhaling shakily he looks up at her, peering through his lashes. “I dont, I don’t wanna see, I can’t bear to not feel you.” Silence follows her voice, and she’s swallowing her fear that maybes she’s said too much, that he’ll stand up, leave her longing and pathetically desperate.

It’s the silence and the darkness that is around her, the uknown of the moment. She thinks that’s why she’s so aroused, so needful of something, anything, to make something come to light. The bed creaks and there’s a shifting above her, his scent follows him, of metallic rust and smoke, of blood and dirt. It’s everything to not break from the bonds and pull him close.

She’s sure now that was line was crossed. That was the deal, was it not? To be bonded and unseeing, he could finally touch her. No matter the circumstance, he’s breaking the rules of his religion, his history, his culture. The Way, all of that along with everything his commander had burned into his mind was forgotten the moment you offered him your body, your soul.

Then there’s a short, rough tug of the strings above her and her wrists are free, she gasps softly in disbelief and before she can move Mandalorian is shifting downwards and lifting her hips to his mouth. His own eyes close as his mouth is slanted against her wet slick and honeyed skin, the soft petals of her sex under his lips, she’s crying out and her thighs are closing around his head, hips lifting to grind out as much movement as she could gather. Finally he’s there, right at the place to begin to tug her crashing release closer, she’s panting, skin dotted with sweat as he goes down on her. She’s rushing to contain her breaths, and thinks for a moment that damn she’s taught him so well.

“Stay still,” his large hands press down hard into her hips, forcing her to still. He’s following the softer movements of her body, circling his tongue around her bud he’s drinking all she has to offer.

She’s trying, but with her freed hands she immediately drops them to his head, gripped in her splayed fingers she pushing him closer to her soaked cunt, whining as he’d pull away to suck a short mark into the softness of her thigh. Her hand knots in his hair, and he finds himself groaning roughly into her when she tugs on it, fire looms within him, and he’s so achingly hard and desperate to fuck her that the Mandalorian thinks he could come right then, her nails catch in his thick dark hair and pull as he sucks and licks her sweet cunt. She’s close, panting as her breath is picking up she’s so close.

She’s telling him how good he’s doing, how his hands feel digging into her waist, his unruly hair tangled in her hands only makes her want to come faster. She’s begging and repeating his name, the cunningly sweet nickname she’s called him this whole time she’s known him. “Mando! Gods, slow down, I’m close —”

The Mandalorians not a talker, he’s assertive and straight to the point, he says what he needs to and no more than that. But now he’s sure he would be unable to string together a coherent sentence to tell her just how sweet she tastes, just how warm she was against his lips, how her hands in his hair and hips arching into his hands makes him nearly explode. The Mandalorian is too far gone to stop, he’d rather an aching jaw than you feel unwanted and forgotten about. He thinks of her in the darkness of the blindfold, and realizes just how lucky he really is. She is open and exposed to him, and willingly so if he could only allow her to see, it would make the whole thing so much better.

“You’re so — mmh,” he’s caught up in focusing on her hot and swollen bud, he wants to say beautiful, he’s never said the words aloud but all he can think to say is how fucking sweet you are against his lips, melted candy and ripely tang he’s sure she’s the best thing he’s tasted. Sucking and smoothing over with his tongue shes seconds away from bursting under him. He reaches his right hand to grip one of hers and she’s nearly sobbing as the feeling of hot pressure spreads through her anatomy.

She grips his hand, fingers linked with his own and squeezing as if she’s pulling the trigger. Her thighs tremble and tighten, it’s a burning coil strung so tight and hot, he’s only done this so many times she’s wondering just how bad it is that she’s so attracted to the Mandalorian that he can pull her to coming within minutes of only using his touch. She’s blind to him but not unfeeling.

“You’re almost there,” he’s not stopping, the seeping, white hotness of his own arousal is nearly controlling every once of his movement, he’s hard as goddamn marble and only thinks of how soft and warm she is around him. He’s licking and circling her faster and faster, closing his lips around her softness, her sweeetness dripping from his chin he is pulling her closer and closer. Her backs arching, knees drawing up and nearly suffocating the Mandalorian, pressing him as close as she can. She’s absolutely soaked and it’s only getting tighter, the coils about to break and he’s takes one last suck, swipe of his tongue and movement of his head under her hands she falls apart under him.

She’s choking on moans as waves of climatic bliss are sent throughout her body as if it were lightning on a seastorm, the burning wildfire of orgasmic endings and painful spasms of her muscles contrapt her within herself. She’s hot all over and her thighs are shaking terribly. Her body is ruined and numb in the aftermath of such a surge of sudden pleasure. The Mandalorian utters soft moans as he relaxes further into the bed, into her; sinking past her shaking limbs he drinks as if he had never had such a thing. Her breasts rise and fall in line with her heavy breathing, lips still reddened she gnaws on the bottom one, her mind still slack with pleasure.

She lets go of his hand to cart her fingers through his hair, he’s pushing himself up and onto her, wary of his beskar armour digging into her sensitive skin.

“Are you alright?” His bare hand slides over her face, lines her jaw and trails over her cheekbone. His fingertips graze over the blindfold. Would it really hurt to pull off the mask? To reveal himself to one who has just exposed her most intimate self? She lazily turns her head to stare at him, he imagines her without the blindfold, soft starlike eyes, he would kiss you in the middle of your forehead, feel your lashes flutter against his skin.

“I’m more than alright, Mando,” she’s pulling him close to capture his lips with her own, soft and gentle, she tastes herself on him and smiles. “We should use the blindfold more often.”

—

thanks for reading!

feedback is much appreciated, this is my first ever star wars fic (smutty or otherwise) and i wanna know how i did and if you want to read more!

[panharmonium]

I would like to add Gwaine to the list of friends Merlin had. Especially in the 3/4 seasons he really was ride or die for Merlin, they shared intimate details with each other, they truly trusted each other. There were instances where the show alluded that Gwaine knows about Merlin's magic and is fine with it.

hi there!  i’m assuming this is in response to the post i reblogged about will and lancelot being merlin’s only “real” friends?  

i’m actually happy to write about this, now that the question has been posed - it’s been a while since i wrote anything long about gwaine!

fair warning in advance: i don’t personally classify gwaine the same way i do will and lancelot, and that’s what this piece will cover in more detail, but these are just my own thoughts, and it is totally cool for everybody else to have different opinions.  my take is my take, but it does not have to be everyone’s take - if people wanna scroll past because this isn’t their vibe, i don’t mind in the slightest. :)

so, without further ado - i LOVE gwaine, and i have written extensively about how amazing his relationship with merlin is (some examples here, here, here, and here, if anybody’s looking).  he is the most likely of all merlin’s living friends to ditch arthur in the name of addressing merlin’s needs, which is super important, and he also has a much healthier friendship with merlin than arthur does (in my own personal opinion, of course, which nobody is obligated to share).  he definitely does go ride or die for merlin in S3/S4, i agree.

but my own thoughts on this particular point are still the same as they were in that original post.  i tend to hide my clarifications/explanations in the tags, so they might have flown by, but i’ll just copy/paste the relevant bit here for ease of access, as some background for the rest of this post.

re: will and lancelot were merlin’s only ‘real’ friends:

#what this does not mean: merlin has no other friends!  merlin doesn't have meaningful and important relationships with other people!   #what it does mean:  #every single one of merlin's other relationships is undergirded by the sickening knowledge that those friendships are conditional   #every single one of his other relationships is accompanied by the constant undercurrent of 'they would hate me if they knew'   #merlin knows his friends 'care' about him   #except they don't really; because it's not truly him they're caring about   #they care deeply - about someone merlin made up   #about a facade.   #in the most basic sense   #those relationships aren't Real   #the love merlin feels for the people in them is real   #but you cannot truly be 'friends' with somebody who doesn't even know who you are   #you cannot be loved without being known   #you certainly cannot be loved without being safe

obviously i suppose a person’s thoughts on this would be different if they headcanoned that gwaine knew about merlin’s magic, and that’s fine.  i personally do not believe canon indicates or supports that, but i’m not out to convince people to abandon their own fanon interpretations of things; i’m happy just hanging out in my own space talking about my thoughts.  me writing meta is the virtual equivalent of me talking to myself in my room - if other people have different conversations with themselves, that’s fine :)  i don’t mind if other folks organize their thoughts about things differently.  

in accordance with that - everybody please feel free to continue on with your own interpretations, and ignore mine if mine do not appeal to you!  if people are interested about how i organize my ideas on this, though, they are essentially as follows:

1) a cage fighter, a class traitor, and a fake sorcerer walk into a tavern

ok, to start with - here’s a graph.

(...who tf starts a meta post with ‘here’s a graph’ lol i just drew a venn diagram for the first time since like...middle school...i LOVE fandom, man, this is RIDICULOUS)

anyway

this is a very rough interpretation of how i think about gwaine, lancelot, and will:

to address some of these elements individually:

lancelot and will give merlin something that gwaine can’t - safety, authenticity, the comfort of being known and seen for real, a respite from constantly qualifying every friendship with ‘they would hate me if they knew’

lancelot and gwaine, likewise, give merlin something merlin wouldn’t be as likely to get from will (if will were still alive, i mean) - an understanding of merlin’s devotion to the Crown, a supportive ally in the fight to promote arthur’s reign and keep arthur/camelot safe

will and gwaine, for their part, are more likely to tell arthur to go fuck himself, if it’s important for helping merlin, and that’s a different kind of support that merlin also really needs.

and will, on his own, gives merlin something that neither lancelot NOR gwaine can provide, which is a friend who isn’t connected to or even particularly interested in arthur pendragon (merlin has nobody in his life like this, not after will dies) - somebody who knew and cared about merlin before merlin had any proximity to arthur, before this whole ’destiny’ issue reared its merciless head.

everybody in merlin’s life matters to him and gives him something important.  gwaine is STUPIDLY important to merlin.  the love there is real.  but in canon, because gwaine is not in the know, gwaine is still one of the people from whom merlin feels compelled to hide himself.  gwaine is right up there alongside gwen, arthur, elyan, percival, etc - every other person who merlin loves, who merlin nonetheless constantly, back-of-his-mind fears, ‘they would reject me if they knew.’

the above is part of why i personally have never been too interested in ‘so-and-so knows about merlin’s magic’ canon-imaginings.  there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them, and i’m sure people must have tons of fun with them - and in an AU context maybe i would have fun with them too - but as hopeful interpretations of actual canon, they don’t appeal to me.  merlin’s near-total isolation and desperate, constantly-frustrated desire for real, honest love is an inalienable aspect of his character for me, one i can’t separate from who he is and why he does the things he does and why he eventually ends up in the place where we find him towards the end of the show.  

2) i just want someone to see me for who i am

i have seen a bit of sentiment out there along the lines of ‘merlin should have told (x person) about their magic’ or ‘(x person) obviously doesn’t have a problem with sorcerers,’ but i guess i personally don’t think it’s as clear as all that, and i think me saying it is would be doing merlin a disservice.

merlin’s desire to be seen/known/accepted is literally the most base urge he has.  if he truly thought he could tell somebody safely, he would.

i think merlin knows the people in his orbit well enough to know how they feel about sorcery, at least in a general sense.  and even if they aren’t bloodthirsty bigots like uther, they aren’t exactly welcoming magic with open arms, either.  at the most basic, elementary level, merlin understands something that we don’t like to think about: none of his friends ever challenge arthur on the sorcery ban or express any dissatisfaction with the political status quo, and, even absent outright bigotry, this fact speaks loudly enough in and of itself.  merlin’s friends might not be out clamoring for sorcerers’ blood, but they aren’t criticizing a society that criminalizes sorcery, either, and they are never shown to have a problem with the way things are, even though the way things are is wrong.

The Way Things Are is, in fact, unjust.  it’s oppressive.  and allowing that state of affairs to continue, unquestioned and unchallenged, when you have access to the king’s ear and aren’t personally in danger of being persecuted, indicates that you’re okay with the injustice.  that you’re comfortable with the oppression.  that you don’t see a problem with the status quo, and that you're unbothered enough by it to let it be.

it doesn’t matter that merlin’s friends have never straight-up said ‘boy, magic sure is evil’ onscreen.  they never say that camelot’s policies are wrong, and that delivers a clear enough message on its own.

3) it is not a crime to fight for your freedom

to bring this back to gwaine specifically, since that was originally the focus of this ask -

for me, for all that i adore gwaine, and for all that i think he was, for the most part, an INCREDIBLY sound, healthy relationship for merlin, the truth is that gwaine is as much a part of this problem as everyone else.  does that mean i personally think gwaine would have summarily dumped merlin if he’d found out merlin had magic?  no.  but i don’t think it’s as uncomplicated as maybe we wish it might be, and i think merlin has every right to be as uncertain of gwaine on this issue as he does of everyone else.

for one thing, like i said before, even gwaine, who used to have fewer qualms than any of the knights about pushing back on arthur’s BS, has never said a word about camelot’s injustices, or ever acknowledged that the laws of the land are unjust to begin with.  

for another, there are specific moments that kind of make you wonder.

5.05 (’the disir’) is a good example of this - when gwaine finds osgar in the woods, the two of them have this exchange:

you are a sorcerer, a heretic, and a murderer.  

the rhetoric of this sentence frames all three of these things as equivalent entities - criminal ones.  

to pick this apart more carefully:

a) sorcerer

it’s worth noting here that we’re never told osgar has done anything worse than evading arrest for the crime of being a known sorcerer.  when leon mentions him in the council meeting, the conversation consists solely of the following:

“as you know, a few days ago our garrison in the forest of breckfire intercepted the man who goes by the name of osgar.”

“the sorcerer.”

“the same.  they were trying to apprehend him when he used his powers to escape.”

and…that’s it.  osgar’s crime, as far as we know, was simply being a sorcerer (and then, after that, attempting to escape an unjust arrest, thereby killing a knight in the process).  there’s no mention of any other activities that would have warranted his arrest in the first place, other than the possession of magic.

but magic, even on its own, IS a crime in camelot - and gwaine levels the accusation at osgar as such.

b) heretic

that’s a hell of a word to throw around, if you think sorcery is chill.

“heretic” isn’t a mild accusation.  "heretic” has vitriolic severity behind it.  people are accused of heresy when they’re perceived to be in brazen defiance of what is (in the eyes of the accuser) unquestionably right and correct.  “heretic” is like…it’s like blasphemer.  the connotation is not just that something is bad, but that it’s sinful.

for gwaine, either osgar’s association with sorcery and/or his defiance of camelot’s army makes him a heretic.  and that’s not something a person who is down with sorcery or supportive of a magic-user’s struggle for freedom would say.

c) murderer

if gwaine were cool with sorcery, we would expect him to understand that a sorcerer who resisted arrest for the crime of being a sorcerer isn’t a murderer.  

it’s like kara said in 5.11 - it is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are.

camelot has been killing sorcerers for decades.  osgar mortally wounded a soldier (not an innocent civilian, i might note) who was trying to imprison him.  he was resisting the armed forces of an oppressive state.  that’s not murder.

somebody who understands that camelot is an oppressive regime wouldn’t think of this as murder.  they would understand that it is not a crime to protect your own life when the state has literally been trying to exterminate your people for years.  and even if osgar had been engaged in rebellious activities against the state (which as far as we know is not the case - nothing like this is ever referenced!), they would understand that people with magic have long been overdue for a righteous uprising.  

but gwaine is a little more like arthur, in this moment - he sees the “wrong” that osgar has done (in the form of sir ranulf’s death) without seeing the thousands upon thousands of wrongs that camelot visited upon the magical community first.

4) you can’t go armed into a sacred place

the rest of this episode is similar.  gwaine pays just as little heed to merlin’s warnings as the rest of the knights, when merlin admonishes them that the disir’s cave is sacred.  gwaine doesn’t relinquish his sword or take special care upon entering the cave.  in fact, he is the one who outright interrupts the disir while they’re speaking - as they’re telling arthur a series of hard truths, that he’s persecuted magic-users, “even unto slaughter;” that he’s desecrated their space: “you come here, to the most sacred of the sacred, to the very heart of the Old Religion, with weapons drawn - trampling hallowed relics - treating our sacred space like you do your kingdom - with arrogance - with conceit - with insolence - ”

and gwaine cuts them off, pushing to the front of the group and shouting at them “enough!  you speak of the king!”  and that’s when the fight starts, when mordred gets stabbed.

someone who was fully accepting of magic, or who knew anything about it at all, would not have behaved this way.  they would not have bristled at hearing how arthur’s regime unfairly persecutes the magical community.  they would have known that it was true.

5) i just want to be myself

the above is just one example, but it’s a clear enough one to illustrate what i mean.  gwaine IS an amazing friend to merlin.  he does treat merlin well.  and merlin loves him to death.  but gwaine is NOT totally chill with magic.  i’m not saying he actively hates it, but he is not, from what merlin has witnessed, entirely safe.  merlin loves him, but he can’t be himself around him.

and i do think that pains merlin terribly.  all these people who he loves so much, and every time he’s with them there’s always that whisper: ‘this is a charade.  all the love in my life is a lie.  they only like me because they don’t know me.  if they knew who i really was, this would be over.’  

and we wonder why he never tells anyone.  we tell him he ‘should’ have told gwaine, gwen, morgana, arthur, like it would have been easy, or even possible, for him to ever consider putting himself in a position where he could lose what precarious, partially make-believe connections he has.

merlin, in the later seasons, when he worries about his magic being exposed, isn’t afraid of being executed.  he’s afraid of becoming even more alone than he is now.  and he has good reason to feel that way - even people who appear to put him first aren’t fully on board with the thing that makes him who he is.  and merlin knows this.  he’s seen it.  none of his friends are out fighting for people like him at court.  some of his friends shake their heads and assure arthur “you are a good and just king” when arthur expresses concern that maybe the disir are right, maybe he has indeed transgressed.  some of merlin’s friends used to buck the system in defense of the powerless, but now they defend the regime even when the accusations levelled against it by an oppressed population are true.

merlin knows that revealing himself is a kind of risk that could very plausibly end with him utterly disowned.  every single friendship he has is subject to this justified fear, this bitter knowledge.  merlin has every reason to doubt the soundness of his relationships.

and, circling back to the thing that started all these musings - the only friends who never made him feel that way were will and lancelot.

that’s all i mean when i say that will and lancelot were merlin’s only “real” friends.  i wish there were a better word to use than that, because i really don’t mean it like…as if merlin’s relationships with other people weren’t…valid, or important, or based on true love and care.  they were.  but there’s just not a better way to express that will and lancelot were the only people who ever even knew who they were friends with, who saw merlin for exactly who he was and said “i love you still.”  they were the only ones whose friendship was something merlin didn’t have to be afraid of losing solely for existing.

i always think of morgana’s line in 2.11 - ‘i don’t want to be brave.  i just want to be myself. i don’t want to be alone anymore.’

around everyone else, merlin has to be brave.  he has to keep up the pretense, which means even when he’s surrounded by friends, he’s completely isolated.

with will and lancelot, though, he could be himself.  with will and lancelot, he wasn’t alone.

6) post-script

i really appreciate being given the opportunity to muse to myself about this in more detail - i actually needed to think through some things regarding gwaine anyway, for writing purposes, and this was actually really helpful in organizing my brain.  so thanks, anon, for the prompt!  

i know my answer probably runs counter to your own interpretation of things, but as i said, this is just my own personal outlook.  i typed it up because the message got me thinking, and because i know i have a couple of friends who might find it interesting, but my thoughts apply only to me, and i do not mind at all if folks think about these things differently!  nobody is obligated to agree with anything i write, or give it any further thought, or even read it at all - we’re all going to engage with this story in different ways, so if anybody finds that this isn’t their cup of tea, please feel free to scroll on by, and keep having fun with this show in whatever way makes you happiest! :)