#I spend way too much time wondering what it is I'm doing wrong and cope with it by starting a new piece everytime

[fellthemarvelous]

Aziraphale hate makes my brain hurt.

Like let's be really fuckin' for real here.

Neurodivergent fans have repeatedly said that Aziraphale is autistic coded. I agree with them. I have never been diagnosed but I wonder about myself. If only I could get a doctor to take me seriously enough to test me for it, but alas, I'm a 43-year-old woman living in the good ole US of A.

Those with religious trauma have repeatedly said that they identify with him as well. I'm one of those people. I endured 12 years of Catholic schools and just as much time being taught a very black and white view of things that I've had to spend more than 20 goddamn fucking years working to unlearn.

I find that my views as a survivor of religious abuse are often dismissed because people keep wanting to say "Aziraphale doesn't have religious trauma." Yes, thank you, I get that, but unless you've been indoctrinated and brainwashed into a very black and white view of the world, you probably don't understand the kind of feelings Aziraphale's onscreen experiences evoke in so many of us. Heaven might not be real, but the feelings of "God is always watching" still stick with me today even though I no longer believe in God. I have entirely denounced Christianity because of my own personal experience, and I refuse to allow people to try and guilt me or shame me for trauma that I didn't ask for. I wasn't given a choice.

As a child I was told that God was real and always watching everything you do (just like Santa Claus) and can hear everything you say and knows everything you are thinking. Do you know what I learned to do in order to cope with this overwhelming and anxiety-inducing information as a small child? I learned to censor my thoughts. I never spoke up, and I have always felt like I was putting on a show for people because I had to be who I was told to be or I would get into trouble.

Aziraphale said "poverty is a virtue" during The Resurrectionists, and as someone who grew up in the Bible belt and went to private schools, I was taught this very same shit by the Catholic church. He learned in that very same episode that "poverty is a virtue" is actually a tool of oppression to keep the poor poor and the wealthy wealthy. I know we all watched the episode. He went into that episode believing what he said, but by the end of it he knew it was actually utter bullshit. Aziraphale is not ignorant. He's highly intelligent, and he has never been too proud to admit when he has been wrong. He accepts that the information he learned before is not matching up with reality.

And it's so obvious some of you have zero experience with that type of indoctrination because of how very little empathy you show Aziraphale for his "mistake" of "choosing Heaven over Crowley" and "making Crowley sad" so clearly Aziraphale must somehow be "abusive" and "manipulative" and "selfish" and "self-centered" because he didn't choose to run away with Crowley at the end of season two.

First of all.

FIRST OF ALL...

Aziraphale has a mind of his own.

Aziraphale is always going to try and do what is right.

Aziraphale is an angel. He's a being of love. And the reason he's so "bad" at being an angel is because he actually wants to protect humanity. He has always loved humanity. He repeatedly has to contend with what is "right" versus what is "good" and "wrong" versus "evil". Yeah, he has flaws. He's an angel, not a goddamn fucking saint. He has lived on Earth for more than 6,000 years. He has seen everything. He loves doing human things.

He's obsessed with magic. It makes him so happy. He's not very good at it...well not when he's trying to put on a show for Crowley.

He chose to learn French the hard way, so even though he knows every single language in the world, he chooses to be mediocre at French. Something that annoys and amuses Crowley at the same time.

He loves to dance even though angels aren't supposed to dance, and dancing with Crowley was what he wanted the most.

He owns a bookshop and refuses to sell any of his books because they are books he's had for as long as there have been books. He will chase customers away from his collection, and Crowley understands how much they mean to Aziraphale because he refuses to sell any when Aziraphale leaves him in charge.

He and Crowley have been speaking to each other in coded language for more than 6,000 years. They have to be very careful about what they say because Heaven and Hell are always watching.

Heaven has photographs of Crowley and Aziraphale sitting or standing together throughout history. Hell had one photo of Crowley and Aziraphale actually working together and it was Aziraphale's quick thinking and how good he actually is at sleight of hand tricks that managed to get that photo out of Furfur's hands so he wouldn't be able to turn Crowley over to the Dark Council.

Aziraphale saved Crowley from being taken to Hell again. He wasn't able to save Crowley from Hell in Edinburgh, but he sure as heck managed to save Crowley from Hell during WWII. He took Crowley to his bookshop and showed Crowley that he stole the picture from Furfur. He saved Crowley.

You get that, right?

Aziraphale SAVED Crowley.

People always talk about how it's "always Crowley saving Aziraphale" because apparently heroic acts are only heroic when they are grand gestures. The sleight of hand wasn't heroic at all, am I right? It wasn't sparkly and showy. It wasn't interesting enough, therefore not heroic. At least that's all I'm hearing when people start with their "blah Aziraphale deserves to suffer because I have no imagination or ability to understand the media in front of me blah", and all these reasons he deserves to suffer is because Crowley almost got hurt.

Aziraphale did that without flinching and I watch that part closely every single time. He's not scared for himself. He's scared for Crowley, and he managed to hold onto that photograph. He did not fail Crowley. He protected Crowley.

And so here's another thing that we like to point out. The way that Aziraphale, an angel who is effeminate and male presenting, an angel who is soft and full of love, an angel who is kind and forgiving because he has empathy and compassion, is somehow painted as abusive and manipulative. He's not violent, but he could easily fuck up your world. He doesn't use his powers. We have no idea how powerful he is because we only ever see him do small acts. He's used to hiding. It's the only way he has ever been able to protect Crowley.

And I'm not saying that Aziraphale has actually saved Crowley before means that Crowley hasn't also saved Aziraphale. Like, you get that those are not mutually exclusive and their relationship is not transactional, right? They have spent their entire existence protecting each other but never actually getting to be together because Heaven and Hell are always watching.

Yeah, Crowley fell. We all know this. We are aware of this. He was the serpent of Eden. He gave humanity the knowledge of free will.

But what we don't talk about is what Aziraphale gave humanity.

What did he give them?

We all know what it is!

Let's say it together!

He gave Adam and Eve his flaming sword because it was dangerous outside the garden and Eve was pregnant and she was already having a really bad day. He showed them compassion and gave them his extremely powerful angelic weapon so they would stand a chance on the outside of the garden. He gave humanity the gift of compassion. It's just unfortunate that his flaming sword became a weapon of War.

And then what did he do after that?

Ooooh, yeah, that's right.

God asked him about it and he straight up lied to her and pretended he had no idea where he'd managed to misplace it. She didn't say anything after that. He told Crowley the truth though. He told Crowley the truth even though Crowley fell.

Yeah, we know Aziraphale has done some really fucking questionable things. He and Crowley both suck at passing for human in front of observant people like Nina. They're not human. They are still learning, but they managed to experience human history together despite being on opposite sides and their experiences with humanity are what has shaped them into the compassionate and loving duo they are now. One of them is not better from the other.

This, my friends, is what we call meeting in the middle. It's why shades of gray is so important. Aziraphale constantly breaks the rules. Crowley refused to play by Heaven's rules. It's the reason he fell. He doesn't play by Hell's rules either. These two dorks figured out how to cancel each others' miracles out throughout human history in order to have more time learning about humanity and each other because working all day every day sucks when there are so many new things to learn and experience with the people you love.

We know Crowley and Aziraphale both love each other. Neither of them are good at hiding the hearts stars in their eyes.

But here's what's really fucking annoying about the Aziraphale hate.

Aziraphale was already crying when Crowley grabbed him and kissed him. Aziraphale is trying so very hard to do the right thing. He loves Crowley. He does. But he also has a duty to humanity, and he has taken that job very seriously since the creation of Adam and Eve. He sent them out into the world with a flaming sword so they would have a chance at surviving beyond the walls of the garden.

And he knows that Something Terrible is going to happen and he spent all of second season trying to figure out what that Something Terrible was while trying to have some sort of more honest and open relationship with Crowley, but again, they aren't human, they are a demon and an angel approaching life from opposite sides who met in the middle and fell in love with humanity together.

He wants more than anything to tell Crowley how he feels about him, but he wants to do something grand for Crowley because Crowley has always been grand and dramatic and sexy and a little bit scary.

Crowley is impulsive and has a temper and sometimes says the wrong thing but he has always trusted Aziraphale because Aziraphale gave him a chance even after he fell. Aziraphale chose to shelter him instead of smiting him while they stood on top of that wall. He knew he was supposed to kill Crowley, but oops, he gave his sword away to the humans so he didn't really have anything to kill him with and Crowley is the one who created nebulas. The Pillars of Creation is Crowley's work and Aziraphale was there to witness that, but he watched Crowley more than he watched the nebula. He witnessed the pure joy on Crowley's face when he said "let there be light" as a nebula full of colors exploded before their eyes. He was fascinated by Crowley.

But Aziraphale is going back to Heaven even though he has made it perfectly clear he absolutely has no desire to go back to Heaven. He told the Metatron this during their conversation. He spoke these words out loud. They exist.

But then The Metatron said this....

The Metatron. The very same angel who told Aziraphale in season one "to speak to me is to speak to the Almighty." He's the boss. He's the big guy. He's used to existing as a giant head and he had to give himself a body so he wouldn't stand out on Earth. And he knows that Aziraphale and Crowley have been working together since the beginning. He knows they worked together to prevent Armageddon in season one, and now he's made it clear he knows they were working together long before that. And let's face it, Aziraphale really wants to know what this Something Terrible is that Gabriel is running from so he can try to prevent it from happening.

It makes sense that he would want to take Crowley to Heaven with him because he would be able to keep Hell from getting their hands on him again. Aziraphale hates it in Heaven. He doesn't want to go, but Something Terrible is happening and Metatron isn't taking no for an answer, and maybe Heaven won't be so bad if Crowley is there with him. At least they can fix Heaven together.

But Crowley can't go back. We all get that. We don't blame him for saying no. It doesn't change anything.

Something Terrible is about to happen and Aziraphale has to figure out what it is. He wants to change Heaven.

He is fully aware that Heaven sucks. He still has faith in God. His faith isn't in Heaven. He deserted his platoon in season one and threw himself back to Earth so he could figure out how to make sure the war between Heaven and Hell doesn't happen.

But see, here's the thing. Heaven is at the top. Heaven has all the resources. Heaven is responsible for the creation of Hell. Heaven is empty and Hell is overpopulated. Aziraphale knows this. Crowley knows this. It's obvious every time we see either place. Both sides are desperate to go to war and will not hesitate to destroy humanity in the process. This is the opposite of what Crowley and Aziraphale want for humanity. If anyone can change Heaven, it's Aziraphale. He's the only one up there who gives a shit about humanity as far as we know. No one else is going to speak on humanity's behalf.

Some of us are so busy getting mad at Aziraphale for going back to Heaven and giving Crowley a Big Sad. Newsflash: Crowley is not the main character of Good Omens. Aziraphale and Crowley are equals, yet we wanna hold Aziraphale to higher standards because he's an angel, and when he makes mistakes it's proof that he's the bad guy.

Holy mother of all things that trigger my religious trauma, let me tell you. I spent my entire life hating myself every time I made mistakes. I've had to teach myself that just because I mess up sometimes doesn't mean I'm bad. It means I'm human. I still struggle with it. I probably always will. So when you say that Aziraphale deserves to be punished for breaking Crowley's heart, you not only ignore that Aziraphale's heart is also broken, you're saying he deserves to be punished for doing what he thinks is right.

Wanting to change Heaven for the better is not a bad thing.

And some of y'all wanna see him suffer for going back into the lion's den that is Heaven, knowing that he is already an outcast, that they have already tried to kill him once, knowing that he is a deserter, that he has been lying to Heaven about a lot of things, and you still think he's blinded by Heaven? You think he's just so naive and that's the only reason he's going back. He doesn't show his emotions the same way Crowley does so it means he doesn't care as much. He's expected to consider Crowley's feelings over his own when making choices. Like holy shit if all of that hasn't defined my experience as a woman with religious trauma in this fucking society. He's expected to be subservient to Crowley and if he doesn't do what Crowley wants then he's being unreasonable and illogical.

What the actual fuck, y'all.

Like seriously.

I'm sick of this bullshit. I had to step away from this fandom because of how toxic some people in this fandom are. It's not chasing me away, but the fact that I chose to hang out in a a more toxic fandom that is already notorious for being really toxic over a fandom that claims to be more open-minded and welcoming should probably tell you something.

It gave me a lot of perspective, and yeah, I'm still gonna speak up against the bullshit Aziraphale hate.

People are entitled to their opinions, but the Aziraphale hate isn't an opinion. It's just ableist, misogynistic garbage. At this point we all know y'all say these extreme things about Aziraphale because y'all get more joy out of the harm and alienation it is causing others.

Keep being loudly wrong, but if you think I'm not entitled to challenge shitty-ass, harmful, hateful discourse, bite my ass.

I'm not the one who lost the plot in this fandom.

[numbuh424]

.

[vroomvroomwee]

I don't think enough people realise how incredible Aziraphale is.

He's always known how good and kind Crowley is. Even from the beginning. Now imagine being in his place, after meeting such a wonderful and sweet angel, and hearing that he's fallen, that he's evil and wicked. No wonder he was sceptical and on edge at the garden... except Crowley was still the same, chatty, witty, and funny angel he met before the beginning. Crowleys fall terrifies him because in his mind, if someone like that can get sent to Hell, then what hope is there for me?

So he learns just how thin the line is between being an angel and a demon, just how close he's cutting it, just how little it takes for him to fall as well.

In his eyes, Crowley's brilliant. He's resourceful, intelligent, capable, everything he wants to be. Everything he's told he should be. And it creates so much confusion in his mind. How can someone like that fall while I'm still here? And it doesn't help one single bit that he's falling in love with him.

Aziraphale isn't stupid. Despite what everyone says, he's very in tune with his emotions. So much so that Crowley fails to keep up with his logic and decision-making. He realises that he's falling in love with Crowley, and that causes panick in him. He's an angel. He's not supposed to fall for temptation.

So he has two options: try to prove to himself Crowley's good and therefore justify his own feelings, or to prove Crowley's evil, and that's why he fell. So... in a way, he does both.

Every time Crowley tries to convince him of his malice, Aziraphale proves him wrong, sees right through him. All the while constantly putting a wedge between them, of good and evil. "But, you, are fallen." "I'm good, you, are evil." Even though he knows deep down that's not the truth, which is precisely why he's saying it, he knows Crowley is good, just as he knows he himself isn't fully. And no one must ever find that out.

Not only is he keeping Crowley at a distance for his own safety, but also for Crowleys. Sacrificing both their happiness for each others safety. He knows precisely what Hell will do to him if they ever find out how kind he really is.

And it would be very very simple if he just stopped hanging out with Crowley, except... he can't. No matter how hard he tries he's always pulled back to him. And over time he's testing his limits, what can I do? Am I allowed to do this? Food? That's forbidden? The Arangement? etc.

And you can't really blame him for fearing Falling. Not just burning in boiling sulfur as each of his cells is being transformed in the most agonising way, but also having to spend eternity there as well as the humiliation and resentment he'll get from Heaven. "My lot don't send rude notes." he knows how horrible and terrifying it is down there, and he is all too aware how he won't be able to cope. Too weak, too mellow, too soft.

Crowleys kindness is constantly putting him on edge because he just can't understand why he's a demon. While angels like Gabriel and Michael, who always put him down, are apathetic towards humanity, are narcissistic and emotionless... are still up there. 6000 years he's spent wondering when his time will come. When he'll be pulled down to Hell.

He's so goddamn kind that it took him 6000 years to realise Heaven is not all that it should be. Kinder than Heaven could ever hope to be (and after the "stay back" from ep6 we can see how thay he is capable of being harsh and ruthless, which means he actively chooses to be kind, which makes him all the more extraordinary and astonishing for it). And I'm not even going to go into the strength it takes to manage to break out of the brainwashing that Heaven has done to him. Thousands of years of being humiliated, feeling worthless, not good enough, not angelic enough, not even appreciated. And despite all that feedback and ridicule, he's never given in, never relented, never let anyone modify or change him, has never lost his kindness, his softness, his generosity even after all that he's seen and been through. And that is so fucking incredible.

Validation and praise being at his fingertips, if only he could let go of his individuality, his uniqueness. Of himself. Thousands of years of it, and he has never surrendered to it. Never betrayed himself, kept his pride and his self-worth despite other people trying to rid him of it.

And he knows this. He's too clever not to. He knows just how thin the ice is he's standing on. Even at the beginning, which is not long after the Fall if I might point out, he's defying orders and keeping Adam and Eve safe, risking his own safety for the safety of others. And he still doesn't back down.

But he can't for the life of him keep away from Crowley. Because of how much love he has for him, how much affection. "He's risking his entire existence," and he'll do it again because that's who he is. (Not many people will put their lives on the line for the person that tried to annihilate them, completely destroy them in every plane of existence. Actually, no one ever will. Except him.)

He. Never. Backs. Down. Not from Armaggedon and not from the Second Coming.

It's not that he doesn't love Crowley enough, it's that he loves him too much. This is an angel so full of love that he's scattering himself, breaking himself, tearing himself apart, trying to give it to everyone. To Crowley, to humanity, to Earth. He's risking destruction for the things he loves. Both physically and emotionally. He would sacrifice his own happiness, his own future with Crowley just to save humanity. And he does it again and again and that is so fucking amazing, so fucking incredible that I don't believe such a selfless character exists in any other piece of media or television.

(Also, this is all mostly referring to his emotional strength, but let's not forget how he faced literal Satan and smote around 20 demons in just a matter of seconds.)

Edit: Just wanted to add what one of you pointed out in the comments.

Aziraphale realises that running away with Crowley isn't really a relaxing and peaceful life as Crowley thinks it is. Far away from humanity and it's pleasures that they both love and engage with, something that brought them close in the first place due to their shared love for it, and constantly on the run from Heaven and Hell. Aziraphale is doing this for Crowley, so that he can be happy, so that both of them can be together. Not only that but he offered Crowley his angel status back, since he thought that would make him happy again, since he hoped that he could one day see that same smile that Crowley had when they first met, that smile that he hasn't been able to bring back all these years.

Aziraphale is now in Heaven, the last place he wants to be, the place he barely escaped with his life from, a place that hates him, filled with angels that despise him and want to see him suffer or worse, and he's utterly and completely alone.

He's trying to save the entire universe alone.

Think about that for a little bit.

Edit 2: I think it's worth noting that Aziraphale isn't perfect. And that's the point. He doesn't need to be perfect. He's naive and gullible and sees the world in black and white. He still needs to learn, to grow, to deal with these things. Soon enough, he'll realise that despite all the hope he has that he could fix Heaven, it just can't be mended, something Crowley has learned a long time ago and desperately tries to shoe him. He'll realise the system is corrupt, and no matter how hard he tries, it won't change because it wasn't designed that way. And it just makes him all the more brilliant. He isn't perfect. He has flaws, and he makes mistakes. He's an angel, but he's the most human of them all. And he's incredible all the more for it.

[crimsonedquill]

hey :) i love how you write angst! can you do a hc about how mc would know they're depressed? like the signs they would show?

Yes I can! We do love a good bit of Character Analysis™ in this house.

Thanks for the ask 🖤

How they act when they are depressed (Hogwarts Legacy)

TW: discussion of depression

Poppy Sweeting 🦡

I think she’d be the most mature in dealing with her emotions by sheer virtue of all the shit she’s already overcome. That said, talking about her problems doesn’t come naturally to her. Isolating herself is her go-to coping mechanism for pretty much any kind of personal struggle, so it might be difficult to figure out whether she’s just having a bad day or she’s going through more serious stuff. However, if she trusts you enough to talk about it, she’s surprisingly good at articulating her feelings.

Natsai Onai 🦁

She’s definitely the type to hide her emotions because she doesn’t want to feel like a burden to others. Keeps a brave face, tries her best to smile through the pain, doesn’t want to give anyone (least of all her mother) the impression that anything’s wrong. When she’s alone, she cries a lot. Whatever she’s feeling at the moment mixes with the guilt she feels over her father’s death, leading her to feel like everything is her fault.  

Imelda Reyes 🐍

Doesn’t ‘do’ emotions. She just submits herself to gruelling training schedules and pushes her body to its limits so the physical pain drowns out the mental kind. Will often lose her shit in front of anyone who has the audacity to show concern for her. These are her problems to deal with; she doesn’t need anyone else.

Ominis Gaunt 🐍

In the same mould as Natty, I think his lingering sense of guilt would keep him from expressing his true feelings in a clear way to others. He practically spends most of his time with the Sallows, so it would make sense that he keeps his issues to himself to not add to their pile of problems. Whatever pain he feels he masks with sarcasm and a lot of passive-aggressiveness. The worst thing is that he often thinks he deserves it.

Sebastian Sallow 🐍

He hates being in a position of vulnerability and lacking control over his circumstances. If he can’t even help himself, how is he ever going to help his sister? He tends to get erratic and impulsive, coping with his problems by getting involved in increasingly dangerous shenanigans until a) he gets seriously injured or b) someone gets in his face and reminds him that he’s not invincible.

Amit Thakkar 🦅

I’m a bit torn on Amit. I think he would either be burying himself in his schoolwork or going out of his way to help others to hide his own struggles. One obvious sign that he’s going through some things: forgetting all the answers to the questions the professors ask him in class. He tends to get trapped inside his own head, constantly doubting himself and wondering if he’s good enough.

Anne Sallow 🐍

She always tries to see the positive side of things. Sometimes, though, the strain on her mind and body is just too much. Her brother and uncle fighting all the time rubs off on her – she can’t help but wonder how better things would be if she would be simply gone – and more often than not she contemplates the thought of just walking out and never coming back. She will get uncommunicative, going on long walks without any destination in mind, trying to remember what it was like to live without pain.

I'm crying they just need a hug 😭

[starry-blue-echoes]

You know, your Golden Child AU reminded me of a similar AU I made, where Jonathan, in his dying moments aboard the ship, is suddenly sent back to the past, a month or two after Dio arrived at the manor.

And for a while, he wonders if this is some kind of hallucination before death or life flashing before his eyes, and eventually he realises that this is all real.

The first thing he does is go over to the mask on the wall and smash it into pieces.

(George was so upset, especially since the mask belonged to Mary, and punished him for that. But it was more than worth it.)

Jonathan had long since learnt from Speedwagon and Erina that the way he was treated by his father was wrong and he never deserved that, but still... he wants to try and do things 'right' this time. He hadn't been sent far back enough to stop Dio from assaulting Erina, or to save Danny, but he's determined to make the most of it. Maybe... if he could excel in his studies and act like a proper gentleman, he could prove himself to George. He has better coping mechanisms for studying now- and he knows most of the basic education stuff, so he doesn't need to stress so hard over studying anymore!

And maybe, just maybe, he could stop Dio from going down a dark path, if he kept trying to befriend him and get to know him better.

Missing the ones who truly loved him as much as he did them, he also took a risk, sneaking out of the house during his grounding for breaking the stone mask, finding his way onto Ogre Street.

Speedwagon, recently crowned king of Ogre Street, was very confused about this weird lost kid who seemed completely unafraid at being held at knifepoint (and seemed a bit too happy to see him?). But eventually he hears him out. Jonathan comes clean about everything, and wasn't too surprised to be believed, but having someone on his side still made him really emotional.

Unfortunately, back home, nothing goes right. Dio absolutely resents Jonathan's newfound confidence and boldness, and the more he tries to reach out to him, the harder Dio tries to hurt him back.

Jonathan also soon realises nothing he does will ever be good enough for his father. Even when he doesn't slip up, George always finds fault in everything he does, and would not listen to anything he has to say. The revelation leaves him heartbroken but also frees him from fighting so hard for his approval.

He ends up leaving the house frequently to spend more time with Speedwagon. When he finds out he's able to generate Hamon, he uses it to heal the sick or injured who are unable to see a doctor.

That's about all I have for now. Maybe vampires might still happen, there are a lot of masks, and what if someone heard about George losing a memento of his late wife, and gifts him a stone mask uncovered from a different location? Heh heh.

Y E S S S S S S S S S

TIME TRAVEL FIXITS MY BELOVED-

oh Jonathan oh sweetie oh baby-

oh my god I'm LOVING this idea though

what if smashing the mask was an incredibly impulsive decision. He suddenly wakes up in the middle of the night in a body that's much too small in a house that doesn't exist anymore in a room that was too big and empty and everything hurt his skin was burning and crawling and itching he needs to run to hide to leave, everything's on fire he feels the smoke on his tongue, in his lungs

the next thing he knows he's running through the halls of the manor, tears flowing like rivers down his face. He doesn't know how but he manages to get to the main room and the mask is there sitting on the wall cold stone empty eyes sitting there tainting him mocking him it can't be here it ruined everything it can't be here it can't be here-

The next thing he knows, a servant is pulling him back from a pile of rock in a firm grip and restraining his bloody, broken hands and speaking to him in soft, desperate tones

it had been so long since he'd been small enough to be held in this way, and that combined with everything else it's no surprise Jonathan breaks down

Jonathan is completely mentally gone when his father scolds him. His brain is far away somewhere else freaking the hell out over the insanity he's managed to land himself in, debating whether everything was a dream or if this is a dream or if he's finally lost it, on and on and on spiraling further and further into his head

barely a few days later with his hands still bloody and broken he takes a trip to Ogre Street to find proof what he remembered wasn't a dream, and he finds it

Speedwagon is...... definitely weirded out by this strange kid and just how much he knows about him, but he seems to be a genuinely good guy and also he's clearly telling some truth if the weird magic healing lightning he can use is any indicator. He even offered to teach him! .......also the guy generally looks like he could use some help, he honestly looks like he's going to burst into tears at any moment

speaking of Hamon, despite the danger of the Stone Mask now being presumably dealt with, I can see Jonathan continuing to practice it. It's comforting and good repetition, plus it's nice to have some insurance just in case things go poorly. Zeppeli's gonna be in for such a surprise when he shows up-

Also yesssssss with the replacement masks, Pillarmen shenangians are going to be insane

[washymylifeaway]

hi rye how have you been spending your time LET ME TELL YOU.

kavetham? haikaveh? idk idc but them..

for starters i just want to put out there that if kavetham is my sakuatsu then cynonari is the sunaosa because i love them and if the bestie agenda isn't alive between at least one pair in the four i get so sad. anyways kavetham has taken over my ao3 and it's so bad LOL. this is mostly for me because i like having consolidated lists of fics i've read to go back to but i'll be kind and give the tumblrinas (?) a little taste too. anyways list under the cut also don't follow me for genshin i'm not a genshin girlie (famous last words)

pre warning, i think it goes without saying that there's like alcohol mentioned in like almost every single fic.. kaveh is (apparently but what would i know) not the healthiest when it comes to coping habits so .. forgive him..

check the warnings and the tags before you read!

truck, barter, and trade by Seungshi03 (T) 20.7k // when i tell you if you're going to read one fic on this list it should be this one. the humor. the plot. the kid. this needs to be framed and immortalized. they're so stupid they're so silly THEY'RE SO IN LOVE

rumors, fame, and reputation by rysarium (T) 27k // THIS. READ IT PLEASE. it's so so funny and very entertaining. you go from loving them to wanting to punch them so bad to loving them again. i will say i thought it was so unfair for kaveh to get the movie wrong because technically he heard it from source so what there was an interview 1034209384 years ago let al-haitham lie in peace (ALSO CYNO IM YOUR BIGGEST FAN YOURE SO FUNNY KING SPEAK YOUR TRUTH)

The Fall, the Rise, and Everything In-between by writingrosez (T) 22.9k // i really did dread the divorce arc in this one i knew it was coming but i really was hoping it wouldn't but it happened (when i say i verbally said NO so many times while reading this LMFAO embarrassing.. i'd do it again...) also poor lumine LMFAO

if i wake up and you're still here by alcyonenight (M) 8.4k // no because why did this fic literally have me punching my screen (completely real) while i was reading it. they both are so silly and dear to me (said in tears) but i love the hanahaki trope so bad and this was *chefs kiss*

burn up, burn out by alcyonenight (T) 8.6k AND pockets full of stones by alcyonenight (T) 11.6k // ELEAZAR AU!!! baby's first eleazar fic and it ruined her. miserably. i loved both of these so much, wonderful reads truly (they both made me so sad)

get on your nerves (to get your attention) by acynthe (M) 3.9k // what better way to get to know a character than by reading him pine over one person for way too long? right? anyways this fic really set me up into understanding that haikaveh = watching ice melt in the arctic during winter..

Work engagement by gwendee (G) 3.6k // silly little boys in their silly little parties with their silly little plans.. the line that stuck with me was bringing their love to new heights because cyno was right.. it was funny..

and yet by luminvies (G) 11.8k // this fic was so poetic and eloquent to me it was a wonderful read and kaveh is so silly girlie pop in it HAHA. but really, it was a wonderful read and i loved how fleshed out kaveh felt despite this being written before he was released LMFAO

In a Language He Understands by Maeyari (G) 13.2k // this was so funny and Kaveh becoming a homewrecker is so insane whaat (totally not fake and not clickbait) that aside, it was a very light hearted read and i enjoyed it very much

what are we by lionkeychain (T) 5.1k // if i had to re route you to Kaveh being the silliest dude alive it's this one right here. i would send you here. he is so . i am so . about him. AHHHHHHHHHH. anyways, he's just a dude with a lot of love ykwim?

inertia by smallghosts (T) 3.6k // i think it's funny how al-haitham plays fetch with Kaveh in like 85% of fics (this one included) anyways the summary was so funny i just had to read it and in context it's even funnier to me. Kaveh you're so funny ily king ('being in love with you is gross.' me: HELPDKLNLEEE?GLD>SD>? literal definition of boom roasted).

first love, worst love by caniculeo (M) 11.6k // babe wake up. the circus is back in town. babe go back to sleep. the girlies broke up.. again.. anyways. had to take a laugh break when al-haitham hit on nilou. literally put my device down and had to catch my breath. then when kaveh pointed behind al-haitham. oh god. ALSO highly recommend the second fic in the series with cynonari. cyno i love u my funny king.

Burgeon by gloomyparfait (T) 8.2k // another hanahaki fic rye? really? YES. please i love irrationality. they're so chewable in this fic i love them dearly. i need to blend them. mince them up like beef tartare.

okay this is not an extensive list (def missed some good ones i've read) and i have more i want to consume (!!!) but i haven't gotten around to some of the longer ones just cause my attention span is bad these days. i'm very excited for some of my future reads and so perhaps there will be a part two because i am down in the trenches right now. regardless, i hope you enjoyed this list and now it's time for me to disappear again. bye bye

also if you've written a fic on this list and you would prefer for it to not be on this list/on tumblr, just lmk and i'd be more than happy to remove you!

[waiting-on-a-dream]

𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐦

Haruto: Noa-san.

Noa: Good afternoon, Haruto.

Haruto: How are things between the prisoners?

Noa: We're all getting along well considering the circumstances.

Haruto: Besides Ichiro, no one else has caused any trouble, right?

Noa: No, we would have notified you otherwise.

Haruto: Alright, just checking. How are you coping with your verdict by the way?

Noa: I'm not sure what to make of it. I still think I deserve to be punished but...maybe it wouldn't be too hard to keep living.

Haruto: I'm sure you can find many things to live for.

Noa: Maybe...

Haruto: Now, would you like to talk about your victim?

Noa: ...There's nothing worth hiding anymore, I suppose.

Haruto: You said it was an accident. Was that true?

Noa: In a way, yes.

Haruto: What happened?

Noa: ...

Haruto: If you're not ready to talk about it yet, that's fine.

Noa: No, I... I can talk about it.

Haruto: Take your time.

Noa: It...It was suicide.

Haruto: Huh?

Noa: I tried to commit suicide, by jumping off the cliff by my favourite beach in the middle of a stormy night. I've had previous attempts, so my husband must have been on alert. I hadn't noticed that he followed me all the way to the beach.

Haruto: You walked there?

Noa: I didn't want to take his car and leave it there. It was only a 20 minute walk...

Haruto: What did he do when you reached the cliff?

Noa: He called my name...and tried to get me to go home with him. But I was so embarrassed and upset that he'd followed me all the way to the cliff, I was more adamant on getting it done. I had written letters to him and my family and everything.

Haruto: Did you both end up falling into the water?

Noa: Yes... He tried to pull me away from the edge, and we struggled for a bit until I slipped. It was raining and the rocks were slippery.

Haruto: And you both fell in. Only you made it out.

Noa: I think he hit some rocks below. He had trouble swimming, and I could only keep us both afloat for so long. If he hadn't been in the water, I would have simply allowed myself to drown.

Haruto: You know, I've been meaning to ask. Why drowning?

Noa: Eh? I...was hoping they'd never find my body. Maybe it would have been better for them not to see it.

Haruto: Some people agonize over never being able to see their loved one one last time.

Noa: I guess so...

Haruto: Your husband. What was he like?

Noa: Ah. His name in Benjiro. He was a painter. His best works were flowers, though he often wasted time sketching me. He loved animals, jellyfish being his favourite. He loved, loved, loved omurice. He would always insist that I draw him a ketchup heart or else he'd whine about me not loving him enough.

Haruto: He sounds like a keeper.

Noa: He is... He was.

Haruto: If you loved him so much, why did you want to die so badly?

Noa: Hah! Do you think I don't ask myself the same thing? On some days, I would feel so empty I wouldn't have the will to get out of bed. Benjiro would call my workplace for me and ask for sick leave, then spend the day by my side and feed me soup as if there was something physically wrong with me!

Haruto: ...I see. You must have had a really tough time.

Noa: Some days, I wouldn't be empty, I'd be devastated. The littlest things would tick me off. I would want nothing more than to die.

Haruto: ...I'm sorry.

[Bell rings, mechanical sounds in the back.]

Noa: I wonder what my music video will show you this time.

Haruto: Let's find out then. Prisoner 008, sing your sins.

[bonesandthebees]

Then there’s the Deathlings choosing to ignore Wilbur’s tantrums. Maybe they except him to give up when he doesn’t get a reaction. Like you said, he’s trying to find the boundary, but there dies seem to be any. Though I think if he were to do something that harms Tommy, he would get a very different reaction.

I do think most of it, especially on Tommy’s side, is just trying to prove Wilbur wrong. I don’t know if they have figured out that he’s acting up to make them snap or not. But Aimsey said that Tubbo shouldn”t scare him, and Wilbur feels a lot of fear so now I’m wondering how much of that anxiety shines through past the blindfold. Either way, they (or at least Tommy) are trying to prove that they aren’t monsters. So Wilbur doesn’t get locked in a cell. He doesn’t (really) get treated like a prisoner.

At the same time, it might have to do with the trauma that shine through while Wilbur doesn’t seem to realise it’s trauma at all. I feel like all the Dealthings have near-death experience related traumas, so they would know a thing or tell about trauma responses and coping mechanisms. I really like the tattoos btw. Especially with the extra tattoos so you don’t know which ones are connected to a traumatic event and which ones aren’t. Though traumatic event might be a bit much for Tommy choking on a noodle.

Wilbur is rightfully horrified at learning the 18-year-old has had multiple near-death experiences. Just like all the Deathlings Wilbur be rightfully horrified if he ever decides to split (even a small chunk) of his backstory. Because each chapter it becomes more obvious how not okay he is. He’s actively trying to agonise the people he expected to kill him. He has no self-preservation.

But there’s a lot of little things too. Like the [“It’s just the way things are.”] It’s clear he stopped questioning things a long time ago when there are definitely things that should be questioned. Like being stripped of your entire personhood and not having any say over your own body. Or, you know, not being allowed to have a name.

(2/?)

-🌲

yeah the deathlings have pretty much decided the best way to get him to stop is to just ignore his tantrums. tommy is trying to prove him wrong about his perception of the deathlings, while the rest of them really just aren't sure what to do with him. this is one of the many flaws the deathlings as a group have. they kidnapped the pythia without really thinking of the consequences of kidnapping an entire person. despite the fact that they treat him like a person, they still made the initial mistake of thinking of him more like a religious symbol than an actual human being. now all of them are struggling a bit to figure out what to do from here, so they're just trying to treat him like they would anyone else in the group. it's not working.

so far the only deathling to really interact with wilbur enough to even suspect he might have trauma is tommy, but tommy is 18 and barely even understands his own trauma. if some of the older ones like phil or techno were to spend more time with him they'd probably pick up on it, but so far that hasn't been the case.

I'm so glad you like the tattoos!! I wanted to keep the theme from the og of the deathlings having lots of tattoos, but I didn't wanna reuse the sigil tattoos concept so I came up with the near death experience tattoos instead. and I wanted to specify that not all tattoos are near death experiences and some are just for fun, because it adds a layer of mystery trying to decipher what a deathlings tattoos could mean. but yeah tommy's noodle tattoo definitely isn't a traumatic experience lmao. he kind of just wanted an excuse to get another tattoo so he was like "that was totally a near death experience I saw kristin's face in my mind!! I need a tattoo for it!" and niki was like "you could've just asked for another tattoo but okay"

yeah meanwhile wilbur is horrified realizing how many near death experiences tommy has had. but it's so normalized to the deathlings that no one else thinks that. and in contrast, if wilbur were to start divulging more of his past, the deathlings would be horrified while wilbur isn't because again, it's normalized to him.

he stopped questioning the rules a long time ago because there was no way he could escape them. acceptance was his survival mechanism. if he kept fighting against it, he never would've been able to handle it. so he embraced the role and its rules as completely as he could, entirely erasing his own sense of self in the process just so he could mentally handle what was going on. it's really fucked up and I'm really excited to dive more into his past.

[roamwithahungryheart]

How was Ted in abusive relationship? Do you mean that Ted was the abuser? That is the only way that makes sense.

There are a few things that made me think that Michelle might have been emotionally abusive to Ted.

There are some s3 spoilers in my answer so I'm gonna put it under a read more x

Sometimes people do fall out of love and drift apart. But this feels different to me.

Ted is a fixer. From the beginning we know the relationship is irreparably broken, but he still hangs onto hope that things might change and Michelle might love him again. Because that's what she's led him to believe.

The conversations they have about their relationship ending are always about Michelle's feelings. She cries in front of him about how she doesn't love him any more, how she can't love him any more. She doesn't refer to them as a unit. It isn't 'we don't work any more', it's 'I don't love you'.

Ted doesn't get much of a chance to talk about his feelings. He's constantly reassuring her, apologizing and repressing his own emotions. He's the one who has to let her go, because she's already moved on. He's the one apologizing for some elusive thing he's apparently done to make her fall out of love with him.

She's the one sending him the papers without any discussion.

IMHO 3x01 confirms the suspicions some people had when they thought she might have started dating again after she serves Ted the papers in Liverpool. She ends up with a new partner, taking Ted by surprise, but is it because their communication has broken down, or because she wants to flaunt it in front of Ted? Or both?

Obviously it's even harder because even though they're divorcing, she's still part of Ted's life because they have Henry. He has to go through the custody arrangement knowing that he'll be spending most of his time with some other guy acting like a surrogate father.

He's left wondering what this other guy has that he doesn't, because she never actually told him that. He just thinks he did something wrong, because they never really talked about their problems. She just made him feel that he was the one in the wrong. It's his fault that she doesn't love him any more.

It's like she wants praise for 'trying' to love him. It's all about her struggle when Ted is obviously struggling too.

He ends up spiraling into unhealthy coping mechanisms that are very similar to the after-effects of an emotionally abusive relationship. It's more than just feeling shitty about a relationship ending, he's coming to terms with having to set new boundaries and stand up for himself. To feel secure in himself again.

Rebecca finally tells him to fight back in 3x01, she's showing him it's okay to feel angry. Fighting back against Rupert is a cathartic way for Ted to fight back against Michelle too. They're both healing from abuse.

This was a very long answer, sorry! I have many thoughts on this! x

[maraskywalkers]

okay so I was thinking about a SamBucky fake dating fic but they're not fake dating each other but rather Sam fake dates like Sharon for a bit for mission reasons or something and he & Bucky are actually dating but it's still kinda new so like it'd been building to this but you know they're taking things slow and no one other than like their circle of friends/teammates & family really know right now

and so Bucky is like yeah that's fine whatever but then when they start going on missions and he has to be the backup or whatever while they fake flirt it bothers him and he doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to be that guy they're professionals he knows it's fake but it makes him a little jealous but not in a possessive way bc I kinda hate that but in a like uncomfortable brings up insecurities kind of way bc he's got his issues he's still working thru and times when he wasn't always the best person even to Sam so he starts wondering if he's really good enough or if maybe he's just too much and worrying that maybe Sam won't want to keep being in this relationship or starts thinking that maybe Sam should be with someone else bc he loves him but he wants him to be happy and have all he deserves and all that

meanwhile Sam is actually spending most of the mission missing Bucky like yeah Sharon is nice and a friend and they work well together but he can't help but find himself wishing Bucky was there instead that he got to be flirting with Bucky and taking him on dates and also spending the time and even working more on mission stuff with him bc he's his partner in more ways than one now and some of it's just not the same with anyone else you know the way they work together but not in a codependent way bc it's important they have their own stuff too but they're still a team and they work well together and also like doing romantic stuff even tho it's fake would be still be nice if he could do this with his boyfriend you know

esp with it being new so Sam doesn't want to push like wants it to be when Bucky is ready and going at whatever pace is needed to but also the mission maybe separates them more than they're used to which is fine except that they maybe see each other less than they thought and they miss each other and maybe Bucky starts pulling away a little maybe not meaning to but as a coping mechanism and Sam isn't sure if it just seems that way bc they haven't had the time together or if Bucky is actually pulling away bc something is wrong

but neither wants to say anything bc they want to be supportive or they're worried about pushing the other way and they've both got their own traumas and anxieties and they love each other so much but aren't sure how to approach it at first and basically it's a lot of mutual pining and some misunderstandings and some angst until eventually it all comes out and they talk to each other about it and realize what the other is actually thinking/feeling and there's a genuine heart to heart and fluff and kisses and goodness bc that's what I'm here for

[funkymbtifiction]

[...] I fear the fact I go through the grieving process and really put myself through it for a couple days before dusting myself off and carrying on is that maybe I'm not really learning lessons about the experience and growing from it. Looking back, these questions go through my head: Did I grieve too quickly? Am I truly healed or am I just repressing these emotions and bottling them up? Are these sad experiences subconsciously affecting my ability to live my life to the fullest and in the present and truly connect with others? How do I know if I truly became a better person because of these hard times, or if I'm just staying stagnant or maybe even regressing?

This is a profoundly mature way of thinking! It's seeking depth and balance. It also sounds head type based. "Am I moving on too fast? What did I learn?" Lots of thinking about grieving, thinking about your responses, thinking about how to learn from things, wondering if you did anything wrong in your process, if you should feel sad longer. I relate. Lots of super-ego here (the need to become a better person), so you must have a pretty strong super-ego influence in your tritype. Could be 6-1, since there's an emphasis on personal growth.

[...] However, that only lasted a few days and I felt healed. However, I wonder did I really heal? Even though I'm not sad anymore, I feel quite guilty that despite crying a river for him in the hospital, I moved on relatively quickly and I don't think about him that much anymore. I'm this way with other things. I can get really emotional for a few days, but the catharsis works on me, but what if I didn't want the catharsis to work that quickly? Am I not giving these human emotions the time and space they deserve? Am I keeping these lessons in mind and growing moving forward, or am I just going back to my old self without any noticeable change or growth?

More super-ego self-analyzing, focusing on self-growth. Am wondering if there's also a 3 here (613). That being said, I relate a lot as a 6w7 to what you have said about analyzing whether you have moved on too soon or whether something has not affected you deeply enough and not being sure if you have healed or not. I know for a fact that I have not healed from a lot of the losses in my life; that it will take time, and that me choosing not to look at them is not helping except as a way of putting "distance" between me and the event. Each year, I cry a little less. But there's nothing bad about healing and coping and moving forward; it doesn't mean I don't still love that person and miss them, or that I don't get tears in my eyes to talk or write about them. It just means that I am doing what I need to do, which is to keep going. (I sometimes wish I could just... stop. Be devastated. That it would somehow prove how much I cared about that person. But I keep going forward.) I also don't always know how much something bothers me at the time, unless it keeps hovering around the edges of my subconscious and nagging at me (but I am secondary Fi and don't have immediate emotional responses).

[...] Also, I feel like it wouldn't really even matter if I journaled or whatever because grief and loss is a universal experience, so anything I've felt has already been expressed and written down by someone else who's gone through this same thing. [...] It feels kinda weird because I don't like that because it makes what I felt less special in a way, but comforting in that if I'm going through something, I can just go online and see that what I'm feeling is normal and find that there are lots of tips for coping with grief (listening to music, picking up hobbies, spending more time with friends, reading books, basically distracting yourself and keeping yourself busy). Loss is hard, but having other people who know what it's like and can give advice makes it not so hard.

This also feels like attachment, 6ish stuff. "This is normal, and here's how to cope with it."

[starshipsofstarlord]

Stuck in 1903

Part Two

Masterlist

Summary: Damon and Bonnie had come to your rescue, or so you thought, but it is Kai’s every intention to get close to you again

Pairing: Kai Parker x reader

Warnings: angst, smidge of fluff, mentions of smut, mentions of death, mentions of murder, bad friendships, mentions of poison, swearing

Word Count: 2052

Find Part One Here

divider by @firefly-graphics

If the Other Side continued to exist, then you would be there rather than this subordinate prison world which had been designed for one bad witch. Kai's own kind feared him, you had experienced him mentally draining your energy, he was a chore to put up with, but he could do much more than that, you had learnt from Bonnie. He fed off magic, physically stealing it from bodies and items that harboured any of it, which had poisoned his mind to hunt for power. Your friends had informed you that he had murdered his siblings, well some of them anyway, and had attempted to do so to more of them. And now you knew, with supporting evidence, never to trust Malakai Parker.

Without Damon and Bonnie you had to resort to fending for yourself, which was not at all difficult since this version of Mystic Falls that you were trapped in was quite literally a ghost town. The forever enveloping silence was torture, though the method of ignorance had not been designed for you; it was all for Kai, and that unsettled you. There was one more thing that you had been dreading - the possibility that you could not escape from the remote isolation without the aid of the guest starring siphon himself. This hell was built to contain him for eternity, but now there was magic that he could use to his own advantage nearby.

Your cheek rested upon the side of your hand, mushing the flesh whilst your elbow was poised upon the countertop of the kitchen island in the Salvatore house. All of your concentration validated your deep thoughts, of which you were broken from as a plate was placed directly in front of you, a pancake decorated with chocolate chips and syrup to form a smiley face. Damon was the culprit as he threw a tea towel over his shoulder, expectedly looking at you.

"I'm not hungry." You informed the vampire, who simply frowned at your lack of an appetite. "I ate yesterday, which was technically today." Beneath the table, you crossed your ankles, as you earnt a sigh from your well aged friend; he clearly was not impressed by your behaviour. But you didn't know what he had expected from you, you had been trapped here for longer than you could remember, and alone until you had discovered the man that had been outcast by his own family. At the time you had not known of his murderous tendencies, and had wanted nothing more than to get away from him, and you wouldn't like to admit it but you even missed him a little.

He was annoying and cocky, and withheld crucial information from you, though there was something that contradicted that all. Whenever any one of your friends had suffered the fate of death, they were always attempted to be brought back to life against the natural order of things. It made you wonder and doubt a little if they had even tried to resurrect you. In this separated reality, there was no jurisdiction so that you could know, though each time that either Damon or Bonnie looked at you, you could swear that there was guilt written in their gazes.

"Look I knew being stuck here with Kai must have fucked you up-" he should have bit his lip, his assumptions were anything but correct. And that was proven as you defensively darted out of your seat and jabbed your finger in his face, making him pivot his jaw back. There were many things that were 'fucked up', and supposing that you were one of them because you had died after sacrificing yourself to ensure that they all continued to live just didn't settle right with you. The context of the morbid situation did not help with condoning any reassurance at all, in fact, it gave a spine to your lack of faith in him and the others in the first place. Out of everyone, it was inherently worse to be here with Damon, all he had cared about was his precious Elena as well as himself, and after existing for well over a century, that was insurance that he was never going to change.

"It wasn't him who did that to me, it was roaming this damned place by myself, I had no one. And as crazy as it sounds, I think spending time with the notorious Malakai Parker helped me keep what was to spare of my sanity. If I'm not wrong, I may even say that I've found more being here than dealing with the bullshit y'all cause back home." Perhaps your words were a tad harsh, if Bonnie were in the room you were sure that she'd have a somewhat understanding of what you were saying. Though she was not, and thus you had to deal with the harshness of her best friend all by your lonesome. And it seemed that you had rattled him, apparently he couldn't handle the truth.

"Then why don't you run back to the sociopath? When we discovered that you were here, we found the pair of you attached to the hip anyways. And with him inside of you, I'd never seen you so darn happy, better here with him than tempting me to drink bleach from the way that you constantly complained when you were alive; I swear you were worse than Donovan." It was on your mind's own command for you to take a step back, and away from the toxin that Damon had so cruelly spat at you. Ans the way that he compared you to Matt made you angry; it was though he were ignoring that there were valid reasons for the blond to be the way that he was - after all, the monster before you had practically killed his sister. A laugh renegaded out from your mouth as you realised that you had been right all along, none of them cared. You were just a burden that stopped them from having a perfect life together. If this were a book, then this would be the beginning to your villain arc, and ironically enough Damon saw himself as one of the good guys. Now that was utterly ridiculous after every reckless thing that he had ever done!

"Have it your way then bloodsucker." All along, you should have trusted your guy, and from now on you knew that you would listen to it. And strangely enough, it was calling you to Kai, maybe it was because he was your last resort to escaping this imprisonment that had been meant for him alone. Turning on your heel, you heard Damon flop the towel down on the side and sigh, though you continued to walk, appeasing your better judgement elsewhere. "Wait." He tried to convince you to stay, belatedly understanding the mistake that he had made, but it was no use, you were already on your journey of getting as far away as possible from him.

The Mystic Grill, it remained to be familiar in your eyes as you entered. It was empty and void of drunken assholes and narcissists that you had wasted too much time on. The only person that you missed in the modern alternative was Matt Donovan, he was the only person that didn't treat you as though you were invisible or a nuisance. You wondered how he was coping with your absence, knowing him, he was probably relieved that Damon was gone. But you weren't, because he was here with you instead. Trailing your fingertips over the counter of the bar, out of the corner of your eye you saw a lonely glass of bourbon that was sat there as though it were lamenting you with mockery. You tried to hold your sentimental sob inside, but it was practically impossible. It tore through your body, bellowing out from your mouth as you stifled and fought through your tears.

A hand caressed the landscape of your back causing you to jump and flinch from the unexpected contact. One thing that you had learnt from evading and eventually experiencing the qualms of death, was that you could never be too careful. For no more than a second you had predicted that the intruder to your pity party was Damon, that he had followed you as you tried to distance yourself from him, but alas it was not, instead of being greeted by a fretless vampire, you were condemned by the sight of a powerless witch, of whom had purposely interjected your moment of cracked emotion and wore a brave smile for you. Wiping your eyes with the back of your sleeves, you couldn't help but snap at him. "If you're here to finish what we started then tough luck Parker, you've been here long enough and you have two hands, figure something else out."

His tongue darted out to swipe at his own bottom lip, as he raised his hand, showcasing his offering to you. "I was only going to see if you wanted a pork rind, you look like you could use one." Sighing, you dug your hand into the pungent packet that was littered with dust and crumbs, retrieving a few treats for yourself as you placed them in your mouth. "And now should be when the poison kicks in..." With your hand, you gave him a little shove as you tolled your eyes at his homicidal comedy. "Come on, that was funny! I'm funny!"

"If you say so, there's not very many people around to give you an honest opinion." It was true, the only other human like lifeforms impartially close by were Damon and Bonnie, and well, you weren't going to scurry back to them anytime soon. "And if you had poisoned me, then you would know that I would be fine and dandy in not so long, It wouldn't make a difference if that wasn't the case either, I mean I'm already dead, what could be worse than that?" Kai looked at you with shock; he didn't know that about you, that you had actually suffered a final breath. Now he thought about it, the grand scheme of things he didn't know much about you in general, though he was prepared to learn. He had often found death to be fulfilling, satisfying even, but he'd never thought about its victims being so beautiful. Yet here you were before him, by chance the one force that could motivate and help him find a way out of this jarring hole of reaping misery.

"You're here, that's all that matters." As soon as those words fled from his lips he realised exactly what he had said, and a blush framed his features. "I um - that wasn't what I - you know, yeah..." He scratched the back of his neck as you shook your head at this new side that you were seeing of Malakai. His parents called him Malakai, of course he was going to become a killer, but right now you saw nothing more than an embarrassed boy whose skin had flushed as an affect of his own words. From your experience, everyone was either the killer or the killed - you two were one of each. Like ying and yang, you fit perfectly, it was a balanced divide that was settled on whichever rhythm played out in the air. And to correspond with that thought you walked over to the jukebox, a song beginning to play which made Kai want to cover his ears. "I hate this song." He told you; he really did, if he could murder it, he would without a doubt.

"Then don't listen, just dance with me." You extended your hands out to him, to which he begrudgingly reached for. And as he snapped his eyes open, he realised that was all a memory, and that goddamn song was still playing. All he could think about was you, he had seen how upset you had been to die, and yet you were gone again, and it was all down to your so called friends. One was standing before him as he sat in chains, imprisoned against a chair. "Are you here to punish me?" He asked Bonnie, wanting nothing more than shut his eyes and see your face again.

[annie-mit-ie]

Glimpses: Part 13 (Kathryn Hahn x Fem!Reader)

Part 1 // previous chapter <<< >>> next chapter

Summary: Just a casual catch-up.

Word Count: 2k

A/N: I don't even know what's happening with Kathryn anymore. Guess it's all going "downhill" from here. Don't get mad! It'll be better soon, I promise! ;)

Tag List: @danvers97 @zafirosreverie @srtamercurio @wanatag @pulledbythestars17 @plantowl @spacehahn

Playlist! :)

_____________________________________________________________________________

A couple days pass before you get another sign of life from Kathryn. It's the weekend again and you are lying on your bed, looking up at the ceiling. Alex is talking away on FaceTime, currently ranting about something that happened at her workplace earlier this week. She always does that, lets people walk over her and then complains about it to you.

You are just about to sit up and shut her down to make her stand up for herself more as a mail comes in. For a moment, you are confused, as you have never read the mail address it is coming from before. Still, you immediately open it to read through, a move that doesn't go unnoticed by Alex, who has stopped talking by now. 

"What is it?" She asks, looking rather concerned.

You are unsure what to say and talk as you read the mail. "Hmmmmmm, OH. Oh it's from Kathryn! Oh this took me way too long. But, you know, if all those "a prince from god knows where wants to send you money"-mails I wasn't sure what to expect." Both of you laugh as you read on.

Just as always, Alex is the perfect example of a nosy neighbor. "What does it saaaay? Don't keep me in the dark, ma'am!", she says and grins into the camera. Nearly done reading, you look up and shoot her an annoyed look. As a joke, obviously, but really, Alex needs to calm down sometimes. You reread the mail and prepare to summarize it for the both of you.

Essentially, Kathryn is simply talking about how she had broken her phone on the way to Europe as they made their way through the airport and spent a couple days hunting down your e-mail address to reach out to you again. She doesn't have a new phone just yet, because she took it as a chance to dive into the script and prepare for the shooting, but feels like it's about time she updates and checks in on you. Furthermore, to really focus on the movie, she decided to not cope the numbers from her old phone just now. Instead, she got a completely new, empty phone and only handed out her number to a handful of people, so she can really be one with the project.

It takes a while for you to understand that this means you are special to her and she chose you out of (probably) a lot of people to stay in contact with. If it wasn't for Alex, you would probably fall into a hole now and over analyze if this means more or not, but she interrupts your train of thought, as always.

"Isn't that just SO Kathryn? Like, I can totally see her sitting there, choosing not to have a phone so she can read her scripts in peace and become her character. That's how passionate she is, ugh, I love her."

Usually, you would agree and say you love her, too, but as of lately you can't bring yourself to say these words out loud anymore, since they feel way too intimate considering the relationship you have formed with Kathryn over the last couple of weeks. So, instead of saying anything, you simply nod and read the mail again before typing the number she provided you with into your phone.

A part of you is very happy about the mail and Kathryn's update, but you have to admit that there is also a part of you that wishes she would've said something about missing you. You miss her,  mentally and physically. You miss her touch and her warmth and, thinking about it for a little too long, you miss what kissing her lips feels like. And you miss how her hair feels on your skin as she bends over you. If you're being honest, you simply miss everything about her.

Alex seems to sense your thoughts and breaks the silence. "You miss her, don't you?"

You don't want to think about it any deeper as you can feel some tears forming in the corners of your eyes. Instead, you just nod as you bite the inside of your lower lip, holding them back.

"You know, Y/N. You should tell her. I am really sure she misses you, too. Like, in THAT way. If you tell me everything that happens between the two of you at all times, then I'm pretty sure she is in love with you, too, you know?" "I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HER!", you suddenly jump and get way louder than you meant to be. Or are you? Hell, you don't even know anymore. Fact is, Kathryn is gone and won't be back for a while and there is no way for you to change that and that is why you shouldn't dwell into those feelings because after all you'll just get hurt anyway.

You decide to shoot a quick message to the number Kathryn provided you with and let her know you read the mail and hope she is doing alright. Also you can't help but tell her how incredibly boring life is without her - could be seen as you telling her you miss her, but doesn't have to be read that way if she doesn't want it.

Alex finally rants about work a little longer before you decide to watch a movie together since it's getting late on her end and you usually spend your Sundays watching a movie or two, whenever both of you are available. 

It takes Kathryn until around noon the next day to answer your message and she seems rather stressed, as it simply reads "Let's catch up tonight! x", as if she didn't even get to finish typing it all out. Excited for the night, you plan out the rest of the day and secretly hope she will acknowledged any kind of feelings she might have in any way, so you can finally talk it all out. 

You're sitting outside in your mom's garden in between all of her flowers on a comfy garden bench as the call comes in and decide to take it with your computer that is placed on the garden table beside you. This way, you can sit and act more comfortably and can grab a blanket or pillow with your hands instead of holding onto your phone.

"Hiya Hon! I missed your face!" Kathryn speaks in excitement as her wide grin fills the screen. She is also taking the call with a computer, as she is just putting her phone away when she sees you.

You smile softly and a warm fuzzy feeling makes itself at home in your body. „Hey Kathryn.. you look beautiful tonight, as always.“

Kathryn blushes as a cheeky smile plays along her lips and makes herself comfortable on the couch that's placed next to the hotel room window. You can see the last couple of sunrays cradling her face as she leans back and the sun hits her features through the open window. She is wearing a white loose shirt and a thin golden necklace is resting around her neck. Her fingers caress the cold metal as she looks at you, softly biting the right side of her lover lip.

„How are you doing, Sweetie?“ she says and you don’t know what to reply. You want to tell her that you miss her - more than just physically -, you want to tell her that she is occupying your thoughts and dreams and that you want to be with her and how it crushes you that she isn’t with you right now. Yet, something is holding you back, because somehow, you feel like she needs to be the one to bring it up first.

Your breath hitches as she does. „I miss you, honey.“

Your heart is racing and you can feel it beating in your throat in anticipation of what she might say next. „I miss sitting with you and laughing, yeah, but I also really miss kissing you. I can’t believe we don’t get to do that for such a long time.“ She groans.

Yeah. That. Of course she misses that. You sink back into the couch, slightly disappointed, but at the same time - what did you expect?

She notices. „Is everything alright, Love?“ she seems worried.

„Yeah! I’m good. It’s just been a rough week and not being able to sit and, you know, spent time with you just seems wrong.“ You’re not lying.

She nods. „It does. You’re right.“

„I know.“ For a moment, both of you fall silent, caught up in your thoughts. Kathryn is still playing with her necklace, as she is lying on the couch in a very relaxed position with her foot propped up and, all of a sudden, looks absolutely heartbroken.

You can’t stand to see her like this and decide to change the topic. You sit up straight again. „So… HOW IS IT? Tell me all about it! The set, the project, YOUR COLLEAGUES and like… I know you can’t really tell me anything, but like… TELL ME EVERYTHING.“

Her laughter fills the room. You did it, you made both of you happy. „Alright, well. It seems to be a very suspenseful movie and the cast is just great. Lots of people my age but also a couple young ones that remind me of you,“ she winks. „I enjoy working here very much so far.“

Speaking about other people has your attention, so you decide to dig deeper. „So, they all treat you like the Queen you are.“

She waves it off. „Oh SHUSH. You are crazy. Although… you are not wrong, all of them treat me very well.“ 

A small smile plays around her lips and, for a moment, you wonder why, but she is already changing the topic. “We’re actually going out for dinner in the upcoming week. I am very excited. It’s gonna be just a couple of us, but, you know me, I love connecting with the others. Bouncing off ideas and all.”

You nod. You DO know her. “That sounds amazing Kathryn! I am beyond excited for you.”

In the distance, you can hear thunder and see the clouds getting darker. Looking back at her, you catch her yawning. “Hey you? It’s getting stormy out here," You look around you again. "I think there’s a storm coming.”

“OH NO.” She mumbles, before she yawns again.

“ALSO,” you try to get her attention back. “You, ma’am, seem to be pretty tired tonight.”

Forcefully keeping her eyes open, she scans your face. “NEVER. I am never tired. I always go to bed late.” She laughs.

“Kathryn…” you really don’t want to be a literal mom in front of her again, but she doesn’t actually leave you a choice.

“I KNOW, I know,” she laughs. “I had a night shoot last night and I think I can finally feel the aftermath.” She yawns again. This time, you yawn with her. “See, you’re tired, too, and I can actually hear AND see the storm approaching behind you. I need you to stay save and get inside.”

You nod, already grabbing the things you put on your table. “Don’t go silent on me again, yeah?”

“I promise I won’t.” She says and you believe her.

“Alright then, good night, K.” Kathryn smiles at the nickname.

“Sleep well, Y/N. And again, text me anytime, promise I'll be there as soon as I can.” And with that, all good byes are said and you immediately close your computer and storm inside after hanging up as the first raindrops hit you.

The storm is starting to get heavier and the incoming rain is now hitting the windows hard as the thunder rolls in - a perfect representation of your thoughts and feelings piling up inside of you.

[ecclais-fouoras]

HURT

Wilhemina venable x reader

WARNINGS : semi-graphic self harm and overall mental health issues

You had everything to be happy, you were alive, you had the women you loved by your side. Really you couldn't complain, there was nothing wrong today with your life. But when you found yourself lying on the bathroom floor with blood dripping from your shoulders, arms legs and stomach, there was nothing but the darkness that made you want to give up, to let the sweet hands of death swoop you and tear you from the soils of this earth. Hurting was the only way for you to let go of this pain, the anger, the loneliness. You could have cope with being hit, hurt bruised to the hands of someone else. Hell you had already. Waited patiently as you laid between yourself and the hollow space, hands reaching for your body in the darkness, the soft sounding of a movie beating up with their terrible laughs, hugging your throat in an attempt to make you comply. You'd always give in, give up on your body for their own pleasure, their own needs, it was the way I'd had always been. There was no other option for you than to sit still and let their lips bare on your skin, eyes fall on your form without anyway to keep them away.

You were lying there like you had been many times, trying to gather all the strength you had to stop the bleeding. Go get towels and clean up already you miserable piece of shit

Your brain was telling you. The cold tiles were keeping you grounded and you didn't even knew the difference between the physical and emotional pain you were in anymore. All you knew is this was to much to bare, this was too painful to hold on. You started to wonder around and you had never felt so alone in years. No wait, you weren't alone, you were lonely, it was a different thing. There were people around you, but your heart was sweeping out of everything that had ever broke it. It was Tainting everything. Then your mind drifted to mina, the love you felt for her and the one she felt for you. How disappointed she'd be that you were thinking that, that you felt lonely despite the fact that she was still here. How uterly hurt that you had managed to get yourself in this situation again. She'd seen the scars, she'd never ask. And you were thankful. You knew them, you'd put them there you didn't need to be reminded that you had. you were well aware of what happened to your body. How you spend years trying to destroy it for the meer fact that it was alive, yours and breathing.

But wilhemina had never made a dumb move, she'd never asked intrusive questions, she had never asked you to promise not to do it again, she'd never kissed them like in some dumb movie nor had she dragged her fingers over the raised skin.

No wilhemina had been nothing but absolutely perfect and here you were disappointing her.

Suddenly there was a soft knocking sound on the door, and you were brought back to where you were. Your body feeling at it's lowest point. Stains all over your clothes.

You didn't bother raising up, or sitting. There was no point in hiding how terrible you felt right now.

"Y/n darling... Are you in there ? Are you okay you've been in here for a while now I'm worried"

You tried to speak up and mutter an answer about the fact that you'd be out in a second but no sound was able to come out of your mouth, you're vision was blurry and hearing muffled.

But you felt her open the door and the half gasp half sob that escaped her mouth hit your skin.

"Oh my god y/n what did you do ?! Why didn't you talk to me ?? Baby I'm here shh.."

She squeezed you tightly, her voice soothing you as you passed out softly in her arms, darkness scooping you in it's arms.

You woke up a few minutes later, bandaged up and wrapped in a blanket on her bed, you look at the white bands draped over your body in confusion.

"I cleaned you up and asked a card to put you to bed because I couldn't lift you up I'm sorry"

"Why are you apologizing I should be the one doing so, I'm sorry you had to that. I usually clean up after myself"

"How long have you been doing this again ?"

"Not long mina"

"How long."

"It was my second relapse in here"

"When was the last one ?"

"When we arrived baby"

"...i I don't understand why you're doing this to yourself. I never did"

"I don't need you to understand mina, besides I don't think I want you to"

"How am I supposed to help if i don't get it ?"

"Do I help you when you're back hurts ?"

"Of course, you give me back rubs and kisses it makes i more bearable"

"Hurting myself is my own version of back rubs and kisses, it is ment to soothe the pain, bring me back and let my emotions out"

"Oh...okay"

"Come on baby hop in bed now and cuddle with me"

"I don't want to hurt you baby"

"I'm not gonna break by a little snuggling now get your butt next to me I need to feel you"

"Okay I'm coming"

"You wish"

She looked at you at the remark climbed in bed and chuckled. She pressed herself on your side, nuzzling your neck and with her laugh and kisses you knew you'd never feel lonely ever again.

[kayluh1915]

I Miss You

Pairing(s): Francisco "Catfish" Morales/Female Reader

Words: 1,645

Warnings: Implied PTSD, mentioned former drug addiction, 18+ ONLY!

You and Frankie have a much-needed chat... and some unanticipated (but welcomed) alone time.

(Gif credit: @uuuhshiny )

I have no excuse for this. I'm fuckin' weak for Frankie and this is just my proof. 👀

I would apologize for my filth, but I'm not really that sorry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As always, comments are welcomed and encouraged.

You can also follow me on Twitter if you'd like. My life is boring, but I try.

Enjoy, my fellow whores!

My Masterlist

Read on AO3

Frankie had been in his shed all afternoon.

Extra warnings: Oral sex (F receiving), rough (protected) sex, hair pulling, light sub/dom, and creampie.

____________________

He hadn’t quite been the same since returning from his spontaneous trip down to South America, burying himself in a multitude of projects ranging from small builds all the way up to fixing something on the car that really didn’t need to be fixed.

You didn’t complain. You’d rather him cope with that then his previous methods, but he’d still end up isolating himself for long periods of time, missing meals and countless hours of sleep.

He was laying under the car again when you took him his dinner that evening, only able to see his legs sticking out of the side as you heard him drop one of his wrenches.

“Fuck!” He exclaimed, both sudden noises slightly startling you enough to emit a quiet yelp of surprise. Frankie heard you and rolled out from underneath the car, his eyes wide with concern. “Shit, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay.” You sat his dinner down on his workbench and propped your back up against it, crossing your arms as you watched him stand up and start cleaning his hands with an old wash cloth. “What’s wrong with the car this time?” Frankie turned towards the battered sedan before answering.

“The oil needed changed and something was up with the axel. Was making some kind of weird noise.” You knew that the oil didn’t need to be changed and that the axel’s whirring was extremely mild, but tinkering helped him cope so you didn’t say anything. “What’d you make for dinner?”

“Chicken casserole. Didn’t really turn out the way I wanted it.”

“Anything you make is delicious, baby.” He commented, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Thank you.” This is when you’d usually go back inside and let him have his space, but tonight you couldn’t find the strength to move. Frankie would always come in afterwards with his clean plate and help you with whatever you needed in the house, but you missed him.

You missed the evenings where you would sit and chat about whatever was on your mind, the nonsense you’d speak together and the laughter you shared. You missed cuddling up with him on the couch, letting him play with your hair as one of you complained about the “horrible” movie the other had picked. You missed going to bed at the same time, Frankie’s arms snaking around your waist as he kissed you sweetly.

Most of all, you missed him .

The nights when his innocent kisses would turn passionate, your tongues swirling around one another as his strong hands touched you exactly where you liked.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Frankie asked while chewing his food, bringing you back to the present with a light jolt.

“Yeah, honey. I’m fine… just thinking.” He swallowed the bite he had in his mouth, holding another forkful up.

“About what?” He asked before taking another bite. Your heart spoke before your brain could.

“How much I miss you…” Frankie stopped chewing, his dark eyes quickly glancing over to look at you. You wanted to scold yourself for what you had said. You understood that Frankie was going through a lot mentally and have tried to be supportive, but it was taking its toll.

You didn’t even realize you were crying until a choked sob tore it’s way past your trembling lips.

“Oh, sweetheart…” Frankie cooed, setting his fork down and pulling you into his arms. You laid your head on his shoulder, gripping the back of his shirt tightly as you cried into his neck. Frankie began to gently sway you, kissing the top of your head every now and again.

“I-I’m sorry, Frankie. I know you need me… to be strong and support you but-” You paused for a moment when you sobbed again. “Going to bed without you is so ha-ard.” You began to cry heavier at the confession, Frankie gently brushing your hair out of your eyes.

“Shhh… I know baby, I know. I’m sorry.”

“Please do-don’t feel guilty. I know yo-you’re trying to cope, bu-”

“Shhh.” He interrupted you. “Don’t you apologize for anything, baby. I know I’ve been distant lately after what happened, but you have been wonderful. Cooking me dinner every night and letting me have my space to recoup after all of that? Not a lot of women would do that.”

You didn’t say anything else, allowing his soothing voice to comfort you.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been spending a lot of time with you recently. I’ve been thinking about things a lot and didn’t realize how much I was hurting you. I promise, from today on, I’ll start coming in earlier, start eating dinner with you like we used to and even help you cook if you want.”

You wiped your nose with your sleeve, nodding eagerly on his chest. Frankie pulled away from you and held your face in his warm palms, wiping away your tears with his thumbs. “I love you, my little dolphin.” He whispered, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. You smiled at the pet name, the inside joke you haven’t shared in months bringing some joy back.

“There’s that smile.” He giggled, leaning back down to kiss you properly. At first it had only been a peck, but you were so hungry for him that you pulled him right back in. You threw your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, Frankie not denying you even for a second.

His hands left your face and moved down to your waist, pulling you close with a low hum of approval. Your hands raked through his curls, knocking his cap off so you could grip his dark locks to hear those delicious groans fall from his throat.

“Please…” You whined, barley pulling yourself away from him. “Touch me… plea-.” Frankie’s hands flew to your hips, lifting you up to sit you atop his work bench. He instantly yanked your leggings off, taking your underwear with them and leaving you naked from the waist down… minus your strawberry socks.

He knelt down to his knees without another word, spreading your legs open and instantly pressing his face into your cunt. He had moved so fast that it took you a moment to process what was going on, tingles erupting from your clit, down your legs and all the way to your toes.

It hadn’t been that long since you’d been touched, but they always say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. The same must be true for your pussy as well.

“Ohhh…” You breathed, his tongue making you lightheaded. “F-Fuck…”

Frankie hummed, the vibrations only increasing your pleasure as he looked up at you. You were already so incredibly close, the tingling in your clit rapidly growing in intensity until… he pulled away. You whined quietly, your pussy aching with need.

“Down.” He said simply as he undid his pants. You jumped down from the workbench, completely unprepared for him to spin you around and roughly bend you over the table. He pinned you down with his left hand on your lower back, his right hand rubbing his cock along your drenched folds before pushing in completely in one thrust.

You felt like you had been sat on fire, the heat spreading over your body as he fucked you rough. You heard a few things fall to the floor as the table began hitting the side of his shed with his thrusts, but both of you were already too far gone to care about his tools.

“Fuck, baby girl.” He growled, his hands tightly gripping your hips. “So fucking’ wet for me.” You felt like you couldn’t breathe, his cock hitting the perfect spot every time. You placed your hands on the table and rose up slightly, one of Frankie’s hands instantly leaving your hip to push you back down to the table.

“Don’t fucking move.” You moaned at how rough he was being, your pussy throbbing with an incoming orgasm. Keeping you pinned to the table, he tangled his fingers into your hair and pulled it, the painful pleasure and one last perfect thrust of his cock doing the job and sending you over the edge.

Your cunt fluttered around his cock, the waves of absolute pleasure feeling more intense than they had in a while. Frankie never slowed down.

“Y-Yeah… take it.” He growled. “Being such a good girl for me, baby… cumming all over my cock. You think- fuck - you think you deserve your reward?”

“Yes, please! Give it to me! I’ve been such a good girl! I deserve it! Ple-” He tugged harder on your hair, a whine interrupting your pleas.

“Good girl, begging for your reward. M’gonna fill you up so good.”

“Yes! Frankie, please! Give it to me! Give me your cu-uhhh… uhhh… ahhhhhh!” You exclaimed, cumming on his cock for a second time without warning. It was also the end for Frankie.

“Fuck, baby!” He halted his thrusts, growling low and loud and he shot his cum into your pulsing cunt. The warmth expanding in your abdomen prolonged your orgasm, your legs shaking and buckling out from under you. Frankie held onto you tight, pulling you up to stand as he placed kisses to the back of your neck and shoulder, his breathing still coming out in heavy puffs over your skin.

"Did I hurt you, sweetheart?" He asks, gently easing the grip in your hair.

"God no." You replied, still trying to catch your breath. "You-you have no idea how much I've missed that." Frankie eased himself out of you, a mixture of his and your own cum dripping out of your pussy. Frankie hummed at the sight, lightly gripping your ass cheek to spread you open to get a better view.

"I think I got a pretty good idea."

[demonicheadcanons]

Can you please do a headcanon for Satan, Mammon& Lucifer for when their s/o gets drunk & starts crying &gets emotional(i usually don't show my true feelings & I only do so when I'm drunk I get emotional af I feel like I'm worthless & a burden to my mom as she gave up her entire life in raising me & well highschool & my best friend depression)it got dark real quick lol sorry about that)so I was wondering how the brothers would react it's fine if you don't want to do it thank you 😊have a nice day

AN: Feel better soon Nonny! You’re a whole person on your own and the people who are supporting you have made the decision to do so, rather than giving in to guilt, it might help to focus on being grateful for the choices they’ve made for you - you’re absolutely worth it :O Be safe, and I hope you find a safer coping mechanism!!

TW: Mentions of alcohol / unhealthy relationships with drinking, etc.

Reactions to an Emotional Drunk MC

Scenario: Satan, Mammon, Lucifer, and the MC are all in the human realm and are relaxing in a bar with some drinks.

Lucifer

- Lucifer is the one who shuts it down.

- He was feeling quite settled, and so had decided not to be so on top of everyone. It was up to you, Mammon, and Satan to make good decisions and take care of yourselves. He’d still be there, and he was still watching, but he also wanted to relax a little before he had to return back to the Devildom and start catching up on the work he’d missed out on.

- He was keeping an eye on you, in particular - you seemed to be uncomfortable but he wasn’t putting the pieces together properly until you’d downed yet another glass of something or other, some human liquor he couldn’t make out by colour alone, and then plopped down in the seat beside him.

- You seemed alright for a few moments, maybe a bit out of it, and his gaze flickered across the room again away from you until he heard a sniffle. He looks at you again, suddenly on edge. His hand is on your chin in seconds, tilting your head up towards him so that he could see your face better. Tears openly flow down your cheeks, and his heart skips a beat.

- He starts asking questions immediately, not letting go of your chin unless you grab his wrist or try to brush his hand away. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?” He bristles out of no where, leaning in closer. “Did someone do something?”

- You rub at your eyes and just start gushing, and he’s at a loss for words as he listens to everything. You see his eyebrows furrow any time you say something negative about yourself, Lucifer’s shoulders still up and with him still leaning his entire body towards you, fully focused. He processes everything and, before you can continue putting yourself down, he gives you a sharp glare.

- It’s not that he doesn’t care, but he doesn’t see the point in this - he’d listen to you talk, listen to you get out everything you needed to, but this seemed counter-intuitive if you were going to spend the entire time putting yourself down. He sighs and pulls off his cloak, settling it around your shoulders before sitting slightly closer, looking out over the room as he talks.

- His words aren’t reassuring as such, full of concern masked in self-confidence. He tells you that you surely couldn’t be so bad; you were doing well amongst all the demons, you were resisting fairly well, within days you had half his brothers in your hands and under your control which meant you were either very smart, or stupidly caring. You’d made strides no one else could have. He levels you with a stare again. “I have no reason to lie,” he informs you, “and no reason to inform you of your own worth if I felt you didn’t have any.” The smallest smile forms on his face as he tells you, “You’ve proved yourself useful for me and Lord Diavolo, at least.”

- He watches you curl up in his coat and take in everything he’s said, and his chest hurts for a split second - humans really were so small and fragile. And yet you’d held strong until now, and even this wasn’t enough of a weakness to diminish your worth. He sighs again, excuses himself to fetch you both a glass of water - he’d let you cry it out, now, but you needed to be hydrated for that at least.

- When you’re sober and back home, he regularly checks up on you. He subtly asks about your mood and how you feel you’re doing, compliments you randomly, and if you’re drinking, he’s by your side so that you at the very least have someone to correct you if you start spiraling.

[Others under the read more]

Mammon

- Mammon is the one who gives emotional comfort.

- He was having fun, the human alcohol relaxing him just enough that he could exist with ease whilst still functioning. At the same time, he was keeping a close eye on you, and would regularly circle back to see where you were - you wouldn’t be alone for even a second unless you forcibly asked him to leave you be, with Mammon ensuring that at least one of the brothers was with you at all times.

- Satan had wandered off somewhere after someone bumped into him and made him spill his drink, and Mammon sees you standing alone staring into your glass. He heads over in your direction, cursing under his breath as he watches people walk past and look you over. His anger fades when he gets to you and puts a hand on your shoulder and you look up at him with tears in your eyes.

- You barely have time to react to his presence before he’s pulling you across the room to find somewhere quiet, and then he holds you by your shoulders, watching you carefully as he asks what’s wrong, what happened, did someone make you uncomfortable? He waits patiently for an answer, although you can see him getting more and more concerned and frustrated as he tries to figure out what the hell he’s supposed to do if you don’t tell him anything.

- You start talking, venting about this and that and he wraps you up in his arms. You pause for a second before he tells you to let it all out, say whatever you need to. He’s here. He listens, tearing up at times as well and trying to subtly wipe it away. Had you been hurting like this all this time, or was this entirely because of the alcohol, or a mix of the two?

- His grip on you is tight up until your sobs turn to sniffles, and then he pulls back and asks if there’s anything you need right now - if you want to, he’ll go get Lucifer and Satan and you can all go home? He has this one thing he’s been wanting to watch but he doesn’t want to be alone for it, you two could totally have a movie night and get popcorn and such and just relax, if that would help?

- When you’re done, he wipes your face with his sleeve and tells you that you should come to him in future, any time you need to. He’s your first demon, after all - you should feel the need to come to him anyway, without being asked. Despite his fake-confident attitude, he reinforces what he’s said by checking up on you when you’re back in the Devildom, and oftentimes if he knows you’re going to be alone he’ll invite you out to whatever he’s doing so you don’t have too much time to think. It helps him cope, and he hopes it’ll help you too.

Satan

- Satan is the one who listens, who debates.

- He’d known it was coming beforehand. There were signs, little anxieties that you just couldn’t hide forever, especially not from him. He keeps an eye on you the entire time the two of you are in the human realm, curious as to how you’ll react to being ‘home’ and if it’ll make you want to leave them so you can stay here. He’d been nervous somewhere deep down, too, and it kept him observing you even when he was supposed to be relaxing.

- The second you start to get emotional, he’s by your side, inviting you to come over and sit with him. He levels anyone near you with a glare, and the two of you end up in a relatively peaceful and quiet area because everyone else can sense the aura he’s giving off to keep them all away.

- His questions are sharp but not hurtful, and he chips away at whatever resistance you still have that keeps you bottling everything up until you finally break and spill out what you’re thinking about, tears pouring out alongside your harsh words. It takes him by surprise, but he shifts until he’s facing you and watches you closely as you speak.

- Satan tries not to interrupt, but every now and then he can’t help himself. “Why do you think that?” “Is there a reason for this?” etc. He doesn’t exactly parrot back what you’re saying, but you can tell he’s listening intently because he uses everything you’ve told him in his responses. His questions turn more into “but don’t you think...” and “I don’t quite see it that way myself.” It’s a debate, but a lighthearted one, and he’s being careful as he speaks.

- He’s clever. He knows what points to chip away at, to pick on so that you open up and tell him more about your concerns. Part of it is a morbid curiosity - he likes to observe people, to know what makes them tick, and now he has easy access to some of that with you. Mostly, though, he’s concerned. He’d grown to care about you and now that you were unloading all your anxieties he realises he clearly hadn’t been watching close enough, if you’d been feeling like this the entire time. Sometimes, when he’s upset, he wonders what it would be like to just tell someone every little thing, and by pressing on and on he knows he’ll be able to help you let it out.

- Once you’ve let everything out and you stop crying, he stops asking questions, stops prodding away at your thoughts. You’d been able to let out everything you needed to, been able to break whilst having support there, even if he hadn’t directly said anything to make you feel better. He was careful enough that what he said at least wouldn’t make you feel worse, and now it was all out there for him to think over in future and for the two of you to work on.

- That’s what he does. Satan takes everything you’ve told him and, when you’re back in the Devildom, he works to build up your confidence and to make you happier. The second you think you’re not all that useful, he’s rambling about how, remember that one time, where you did this and that? And how you act a certain way at times, and how your eyes light up when you help others, and so on? He can give exact examples to refute every point you’ve made, he’s been watching closely and memorising them all. You might not feel better right away, but he plans to work away at it slowly so that the negativity doesn’t have any ground left to stand on by the time he’s done.

AN: I hope this is okay!! Be safe, all of you <3