#I swear I googled it before and someone said it’s because they’re out of fuel or do emergency landing 🧍‍♂️ which didn’t let me sleep

[pixlokita]

this is what i got on google when i typed it in for ya

It’s so noisy!!! But fair 😔 🙏 thank you

[the-redeemed-anon]

Another day another post including c!Wilbur in big bad manipulators list with c!Dream and c!Quackity and i go "huh, is he tho?"

Like genuienly i would want to know, bc to me at least all like c!Wilburs "attempts at manipulation" were like.. blandly obvious and not that well executed?

Not enough to secure him the position of a Big Bad Manipulator Who had an Overarching Big Plan Before This Specific Interaction and Knows What He's Doing.

Bc most ppl who call Wilbur a manipulator point to this quote here

“Tommy, literally have you not noticed? Everyone who’s claiming to be on our side, they’re lying to us! Tubbo?! He’s lying to you man! He would drop us at the second he realises we’re not in the lead anymore!”

But like... this is like clearly c!Wilbur having a paranoid breakdown and unloading all the stress fear and worries that got progressively worse during pogtopia to c!Tommy. c!Tommy def didn't have tools to handle that and like shoudnt be expexted to but its not manipulative?? Of c!Wilbur?? At all??

Like the only two instances that i remember that like can be called manipulative is maybe this??

“It’s nothing, it’s nothing important. I just wanted to say that- I think you can come back from what you’ve said, you know. I’m just saying now, there is a chance that you could be President, you know, you could be- you could definitely get an executive power in the remains of L’Manberg. You could definitely be a leader of that, I have no issue with that. But, you need to understand that you’re gonna have to get on my good side, and I, you know.”

And the recent stone collection thing with c!tommy?

Im asking bc i can be blantly missing something but? I dont think i am?

- Music Anon!

Music Anon, you're back with another interesting topic!

Okay so I may have another perspective than most on the "Then let's be the bad guys" scene because, as I've said before, I have paranoid thoughts, so, for me, it's much much easier to put myself in Wilbur's shoes in that moment.

So, as far as I remember in Pogtopia, I would coin Wilbur's behaviour as persuasive. He was trying to persuade Tommy to his side, something that Tommy was free to ignore and not accept. Manipulation and persuasion are very tricky to tell apart, because it's two things that are very similar, and you can't tell them apart that easily. You know how all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares? Same thing here. All manipulation is persuasive, but not all persuasion is manipulative. There is a fine line between the two.

I googled it before I wanted to respond to this ask, but from what I gathered, you can tell persuasion from manipulation by these factors: coercion, withholding of truth and intention.

I want to compare Wilbur's case with our most blatant example of manipulation, Dream. Especially since it's centered on the same character, Tommy:

Coercion. The Dictionary defines the term "coercion" as "the use of force to persuade someone to do something that they are unwilling to do". I do not remember any moment in Pogtopia where Tommy was forced to act against what he wanted to do. The way he spoke to Tommy was always open to Tommy rejecting his ideas, which happened quite a lot. It's another thing if later, Tommy, of his own volition, agreed to what Wilbur wanted, like blowing up Manberg at the Festival.

Dream, on the other hand, we see it a lot in Exile. The threats to Tommy's life. The hitting. He was forcing Tommy to stay in Logsted and give up his gear. That's one box ticked for Dream, zero for Wilbur so far.

Withholding of truth. Here I am as stumped as you are. I want someone, who thinks that the "Then let's be the bad guys" scene is manipulative, to tell me where Wilbur is withholding the truth. The President line? this one? [“Tommyinnit, you’re scared that people are gonna think differently of you. Tommy, when I said you’re never gonna be president, you gotta understand, that wasn’t a challenge, that’s true. You’re never gonna be president, Tommy. And I can hear it in your voice, you’re trying sound like you know what you’re doing, so that you can prove me wrong. Tommy, none of us know what we’re doing. We’re fucked, we were fucked the minute we were thrown out.” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 19:39)] or these? [“That guy Tubbo? You know? We love Tubbo… but he’s not on our side, is he? Let’s be honest. We act like he is, like, everyone’s always how like, oh it’s crazy how everyone’s against Schlatt.” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:12:57, 8th Oct)], [“Everyone’s always saying how like, oh it’s crazy how everyone’s against Schlatt. No one’s against Schlatt. Everyone’s pulling the biggest ruse on us. Literally, they’ve got us all by the fucking scruff of our necks.” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 17:59)], [“Tubbo’s like, ‘I’ll be your spy!’. And then we’ve got like Fundy who’s like saying to everyone’s twitch chats that he’s gonna revolt against us. And you’ve got Eret giving us fucking potatoes, that say fucking ‘I’m gonna be friends with you’. It’s bullshit! It’s all bullshit!” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 18:09)] Honestly someone tell me where Wilbur is withholding the truth here. I do not see it. He's just stating his opinion. I am someone who was around in Season 1, I watched Wilbur's POV only and I swear I thought too that Tubbo was a double agent for Manberg. I was sure of it. This is just Wilbur laying out his reasons to be paranoid and things he considers as true and his own opinions on matters. Opinions are not lies or truths. Telling Tommy that he will never be President, in his opinion, isn't a lie or the truth. It's just an opinion.

Meanwhile over in Dream's camp... Dream did withhold the truth. He lied about Tubbo's Compass, he lied about the Invitations, all of this he did to get Tommy to his lowest, to make him think that he is his only friend. This is the second box ticked for Dream, still none for Wilbur.

Intention. Here I need to talk about what paranoia is. Paranoia, to me, is a way of thinking fueled by fear. Wilbur's paranoia started because of the Final Control Room. Eret's betrayal deeply affected him, we can see it in quotes like this: [“Anyone caught in the crossfire is caught in the crossfire. That’s how it goes, you know? Eret especially, he is the most clear, the most clear cut traitor of them all. He was a traitor from the very get go. I have no, I have no remorse offing Eret.” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:41:22, 8th Oct)] Wilbur's paranoia started from a betrayal, therefore, Wilbur's paranoia is centered on people backstabbing him. Of course he would start spiraling into a rant about how everyone is out to get him. Especially after believing his own son betrayed him. So, why tell that to Tommy? Simple, really. I personally do it, too: he was reaching out for support. When I have doubt about my train of thought, I go to someone I trust, and they help me by walking me through it, to figure out if my thinking was rational or if it was paranoia. I think this is what he was trying to do with Tommy, because he trusted Tommy, but also it was an attempt of keeping him safe. I have talked before in my Eight analysis that Wilbur is a naturally protective person. I think Wilbur was attempting in part to shield Tommy from another shock from betrayal, attempt which didn't get across to Tommy. Tommy was and is a teenager and even back then he had his own worries. He just didn't have the resources to help Wilbur, or even understand what he was going through, and he can't be blamed, and while the scene may have been scary for him, I do not think Wilbur had malicious intent with it.

Meanwhile, Dream had malicious intent. He did what he did in an attempt to isolate Tommy, to make him feel alone, so he could swoop in and mold him into thinking he was his friend. This ticks off the last box, Dream was manipulating Tommy, while Wilbur was trying to be persuasive.

While I agree that Wilbur is dipping into manipulative territory with the stone bit, I would say that doesn't make him stand in the line-up of manipulators alongside Dream or Quackity. I do agree however that he is a big persuader and his power lies in how he uses words to convince others to agree with him and join him on a cause (as discussed above, this is not necessarily manipulation). I hope this analysis helped out!

As always, the quotes are from @kateis-cakeis' masterlist of Ghostbur/Wilbur quotes. It’s a goldmine of a resource for analyzing Wilbur and I highly encourage you to check it out.

[izzy-b-hands]

Happy At Home-Part Two

Part Two, road trip stuff! 

Forgive that this probably isn’t one hundred percent historically accurate in terms of driving time-I’m literally plugging it into Google maps and just kinda going with it because I’m so bad at time estimates, and what I have been able to research about cars in the 40s and early 50s didn’t give me an exact way to estimate how long each leg would take. I’m tryin’ here, lol. This is what I get for being determined to finish a multipart fic at one in the morning. 

“Please get in the carrier?” Eugene asked hopefully. 

Queen stared at him, and he could swear it was really a glare. Gunner and Little Sid had gone into their carriers with some prompting, but she was being a damn diva about it. 

“Young lady, you listen to your father and get in there,” Snafu scolded as he passed them on his way to the front door, on his seemingly hundredth trip to put another box in the car. They were leaving a lot behind-the furniture, even the stuff they’d bought themselves, plus some little knick-knacks that it was just easier to leave behind. Yet they still had far too many boxes to cram into the car. As it was, there would be just enough room for the cat’s carriers and the litter box-the cats would be getting a bathroom break every two hours of driving, they’d decided. 

Queen licked a paw, and Eugene sighed. “Please, do it for me.” 

She looked back up at him. 

“I’d feel a lot less nervous about this move if you were my best girl and just went right into your carrier. I promise it’ll be worth it, if you’re good,” Eugene said, trying not to think about how he was essentially begging a maybe ten pound creature to listen to him. 

But it worked. She let out a dainty sigh, then trotted into the carrier and settled as he shut the door of it. 

“There’s my girl,” Eugene praised as he poked a finger through the wire door for her to sniff and lick. 

“I think that’s it,” Snafu said as he came back in, dragging snow in after him. “You and the kids ready?” 

Eugene nodded and grabbed his coat. “Ready as we’ll ever be.” 

“We’re gonna be okay,” Snafu said, moving to help him pull the wool coat on. “No matter what.” 

Eugene turned to him and kissed him as he took hold of his hands. His fingers were cold, but his lips were still warm. “I know. Just gonna take getting there and a while for me to shake this.” 

“You take all the time you need. I got you,” Snafu replied. “C’mon. Let’s get the babies in the car.” 

“They’re gonna hate this,” Eugene said as he picked up Queen’s carrier. “You ready to listen to that much yellin’ and hollerin’?” 

“They might surprise us,” Snafu said, grabbing Gunner and Little Sid’s carriers as he walked out the front door. “Give ‘em a chance.” 

Eugene turned off the lights, then stopped to look at the not quite empty, yet not as full as it had been apartment. It was strange, seeing it like that. Knowing they wouldn’t have another night on the couch together, falling asleep with books in their hands or staying up too late talking. Not having the same open window in their bedroom for Gunner to go in and out of as he prowled the neighborhood, only to return before the end of the night to curl up by their feet. No more finding little Sid and Queen asleep in the linen closet, always left open for them. 

“You can get the door, right? I already gave that asshole my key,” Snafu said, breaking the spell. 

“Yeah, I got it,” Eugene replied, and stepped out of the doorway to close and lock it while Queen meowed at the cold air. “You okay running the key down, or should I?” 

“Naw, I told him I’d be back down with yours,” Snafu said as he set Gunner’s carrier down to grab the key and shove it in his trouser pocket. He picked Gunner back up and started down to the landlord and the car, leaving Eugene with Queen and his thoughts. 

“Just another sort of adventure, right Queenie?” Eugene sighed. 

She meowed angrily as the wind picked up. 

“Fair enough. Rude of me to be askin’ you questions while you freeze. Let’s get you in the car,” he replied and went down to the car. 

Snafu was settling the other two in the car, fussing with the placement of the carriers while they yowled at him. “Your daddy just had to be right about you hating this, didn’t he? Just hush, we’ll be there before you know it, you’ll nap…fuck’s sake, I hope you’ll nap.” 

“The kids aren’t happy?” Eugene said as he passed Queen’s carrier to him. 

“Oh no, they’re thrilled. Singing a song about how much they love the car, can’t you hear it?” 

Eugene winced at a particularly piercing shriek from Little Sid. “I can. Lovely.” 

“Isn’t it just?” Snafu laughed as he got Queen settled in and shut the car door. “We’re gonna be serenaded until they fall asleep. If they fall asleep.” 

Eugene got in the passenger side-Snafu had agreed to drive for the first leg of the drive, ideally all the way from Annapolis to Richmond in Virginia. “They’ll sleep. That’s one of their favorite things. Just give them time to get used to the sound of the car, the bouncing. I mean, they’ll still hate this, but they’ll sleep at least.” 

Snafu shook his head as he got in, and started the car. “How about you? Gonna try and sleep?” 

“We’ve barely been awake,” Eugene replied. Granted, it had been a very busy morning of quick packing and buying what they didn’t have but needed, namely the cat carriers. “Besides, who’s gonna keep you awake?” 

Queen let out what could only be described as an angry scream, and Snafu pointed to the back seat. “That might do it.” 

They laughed as Snafu got them onto the road, but the pit from before was back in Eugene’s stomach. It was one thing to say they were doing this, but actually being in the car, driving away from what had been their home? That was a whole other game, and he wasn’t sure he knew the rules of it well enough to play it right. 

They stayed quiet as they drove-the cats were making enough noise for two cars, let alone just theirs. It was comforting, just watching Snafu as he drove. The little twitch of his jaw every now and again, and how he’d instantly toss his arm across Eugene if they had to make a sudden stop. The way he’d occasionally crack and roll his neck, yet never complaining that it was stiff. 

There was the rest of the state, plus entirely new ones to watch as they drove too. Different flora and fauna, neighborhoods and main streets with little shops unique to them, all passing them by. 

The two hours passed faster than he’d expected. They’d left a little after noon, then suddenly it was about 2:30, and they were pulling up to a gas station in Richmond. 

“Ugh,” Snafu grimaced as he got out of the car. “Gotta walk about for a bit before we keep goin’, or my legs are gonna waste away.” 

“Same,” Eugene admitted. It hadn’t been that horribly far, but his legs and back didn’t care about that. “Least the kids are finally quiet.” 

The cats had finally calmed. They didn’t look pleased, but they were quiet. 

“Yeah. I’ll let them out, probably one by one to see if they need their box. Don’t want them trying to run off,” Snafu said, opening the back door to lean in and take the cover off of the litter box. 

Eugene wandered while Snafu fussed with the cats, looking around at the surrounding buildings. He always wondered how things might have been different, if the train had stopped anywhere else. If they’d gotten off of it sooner, or tried to go back to Mobile or New Orleans together. He wouldn’t change any of what had happened for anything, but at the same time he couldn’t help but be curious. 

“We’re all cleaned up and fueled up. Ready to go when you are,” Snafu called from the car. 

“Really? No extra walking, or a bathroom break?” Eugene asked as he jogged back over. 

Snafu shrugged. “I’m okay. But if you need a minute-” 

Eugene shook his head. “Nah. Just-I don’t know.” 

“All up in that smart head of yours, overthinkin’ things?” 

He smiled. “Yeah. I guess so. Just thinkin’ how weird it is, driving through all these places. All these people living and going about their day. Wondering what it’d be like if we’d ended up here, or anywhere else.” 

Snafu nodded. “I think about that too, sometimes. Would we have found a decent place to live? Decent jobs? As it is, I still can’t get over them bein’ okay with us just up and going, never to return.” 

“Told them both it was a family thing. They understood,” Eugene replied. He’d taken over calling their jobs that morning, as soon as he knew their supervisors would be in. The library he’d been working at raised no issue and asked no extra questions about it once he’d mentioned family, and the mechanic that Snafu had worked for only asked kindly if everyone was going to be okay before wishing them the best and saying he’d miss Snafu around the shop. 

“Good idea. I mean, it technically is. Any idea what you might do once we get down there?” Snafu asked. “I’m thinkin’ I’ll just see if there isn’t another mechanic in need of help. Like workin’ with my hands like that, think I’d miss it if I did anything else.” 

“Not exactly. But since we don’t have to pay for the house or anything, kinda thought about school,” Eugene replied as he went to the driver’s side and got in. 

Snafu nodded and went to the passenger side. “Well, whatever you wanna do, I’ll help you get it however I can. I’m not much for studying, but I promise I’ll do my best to help, if that’s what you end up doin’.” 

“You could go back too, if you wanted,” Eugene said as he started the car and pulled them back onto the road. This next leg was a bit longer, three hours rather than two, taking them to Fayetteville, North Carolina. He just hoped the cats would be okay with the extra hour of driving. 

“Aw jeez,” Snafu sighed. “I mean…someone has to be bringing in some cash for food. I’ll let you go back and get your degree first, then we can worry about me.” 

“If you say so,” Eugene smiled. He suddenly had an image of Snafu in a pair of thick glasses, poring over a textbook. It was both incredibly goofy and wonderfully adorable, and if anything horribly inaccurate. The actual image of Snafu studying, he figured, was similar to watching him read. Usually with a look of slight concentration that just wrinkled his brow, with his shirt off if it was summer or a blanket over him in the winter, slouching on the couch or laying with his legs across Eugene’s lap. The sight always made Eugene lose his spot in whatever book he was reading. 

They settled into their comfortable silence as Eugene drove, and eventually he heard the sound of Snafu snoring. He’d been waiting for it-he knew he was more tired than he’d let on. They’d both taken their coats off midway on the way to Richmond, as it got warmer the further South they went, and now Snafu was using them both as a blanket. 

The trip felt longer when he was driving, and he couldn’t help but yawn as he pulled up to a gas station in Fayetteville a little after six o’clock. 

Snafu woke with a start as he turned the car off. “Sorry, sorry. I passed out on ya. Didn’t mean to.” 

Eugene shrugged. “Not a big deal. Not much to do if you aren’t driving, might as well sleep. I know I will. Speaking of-you really wanna keep going? We can probably find a motel room easy enough.” 

Snafu chewed at his bottom lip, then shook his head. “Bet they won’t want us to bring the cats in. And if they ask questions-” 

“Friends can go on road trips together,” Eugene said, but he couldn’t convince himself that Snafu was wrong. It was an added factor, wondering if they’d be questioned in any way or unable to find a spot to rest based on what people might figure out about them. They were being careful-no kisses, no hand-holding, even though it killed him not to do any of it. But you could never be too careful. 

“I’ll be okay,” Snafu said. “Tell you what, how about we go hour by hour for the night? Just pull over on the shoulder or wherever we can for a few minutes, then switch. We can both get a bit of sleep, but neither one of us has to drive too exhausted.” 

“I like that,” Eugene said as he got out of the car. “What say we hit the bathroom, then she’s all yours?” 

They made their break quick, then switched sides as they got back to the car. For a second at the front of the car, Eugene paused to grab Snafu’s hand and give a squeeze. He couldn’t bear not touching him in all the little ways they usually did. 

Back in the car, Snafu grabbed his hand and pressed a quick kiss to it before starting the car. “Ready for Augusta?” 

“Sure!” Eugene laughed. “Just another three and some hours away, right? Oh god-we aren’t driving anywhere for a week after this.” 

“Agreed,” Snafu smiled as he started the car and they headed out yet again. “Now get some sleep-you only got an hour, after all.” 

He didn’t need to be told twice, leaning back in the seat and using Snafu’s coat as a blanket. He had a feeling it would be a quick hour.

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 5

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count:  2k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing

Rating: Mature (for right now)

Updates will be every Wednesday and every Sunday

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3**

“Aren’t you the least bit nervous?” PJ commented the next day as they walked with Spike in the local park near Phil’s flat.

Dinner the night before had mostly consisted of both Sophie and PJ telling Phil about where he should take Dan around London and so he came up with a comprehensive list saved on his phone. But he still had many worries fueling his brain.

Like what if this was all a mistake? Daniel was a famous celebrities and surely he really didn’t want some pleb like Phil taking him around London. But on top of that, won’t people see them? Won’t this cause some big news scene?

He didn’t really want to do that.

There was a lot of weight on this line and he had to admit that it made him slightly nervous.

“No,” Phil answers eventually, “I am. I’m incredibly nervous.”

“Have you two messaged since last night?”

Phil shook his head. He hadn’t even replied to Daniel last night after he had messaged him last night. He probably should have. He internally winced. Did he already fuck this all up because he didn’t reply to him? He hoped not.

“You’re over thinking already.” PJ commented just as Spike tugged at his leash and Phil looked to see what the pup was doing. He just saw a squirrel and was hoping to chase it but he held the little guy back.

“Well, I didn’t reply back to him. Do you think I could have messed his up already?”

Pj stopped on the path and turned to him, hands in his coat pocket. “You’re really asking me this, Phil? Less than a week ago, you were telling Gemma off about fantasizing about the hunky lad and now look at you. You’re head over heels for the bloke.”

“I’m not head over heels for him.”

Pj cocked his eyebrow. “Really? You’re really saying that right now?”

Phil blushed and continued moving in the direction Spike was pulling him. “Well, he’s seems not to be a bad guy.”

“So you take back what you said before about him being pretentious and rude?”

Phil scoffed. “Well no. I don’t even know him yet.”

“But you know he’s not, though? Or else he wouldn’t have already slid into your dm’s.”

“He didn’t slide into my dm’s.” Phil laughed. “He just messaged me asking for a favor.”

“Oh, and I’m sure that’s what Nick Jonas did with Priyanka Chopra as well.”

“Shut up.” Phil laughed, hitting PJ gently on the side. “This is all a bit ridiculous, isn’t it? Like this feels like we’ve entered an alternate timeline―a whole new dimension.”

“Maybe we did.” PJ commented with a shrug. “But Spike over there is doing his business and I’m sure that we can’t launch that into another dimension.”

Phil rolled his eyes and walked over to Spike, pulling the bags out of his pocket.

Maybe they did fall into a wormhole and enter a new timeline. It sure did feel like it.

He, PJ, and Spike all left the park a short time later. PJ said he was heading back to his flat for the afternoon to work on a BBC assignment he was behind on and Phil figured he might as well get a jumpstart on his next one as well. The BBC had made it clear in yet another email this morning that Phil was not off the hook despite having to reappear to the building.

When he got back to his flat, he let Spike off from his leash and allowed for him to run off to his bed to sleep. He then set down with his laptop on his couch and opened up Illustrator to begin his next assignment. He was to create a new promo poster for the BBC radio one show and since he particularly liked that show, he really wanted to put time into it.

He slowly began to piece together shapes and colors when his phone vibrated against his side and he picked it up out of instinct. On his screen, he had a new Instagram message again. Without even unlocking his phone, he knew already they were from Daniel.

danielhowell: hello its me again! My manager gave me the go ahead to go out in London next Tuesday so are you free then? My bodyguard Joshua will be with us but i promise he’s a soft teddy bear.

danielhowell: I know i said this already but i do appreciate it! I like being able to go out and do normal things but its hard, ya know?

amazingphil: It’s no problem! I don’t mind showing you around London. There is a lot we can do.

danielhowell: I hear! I hope you don’t mind that we’re probs going to be bombarded by people all day. I feel like I should apologize for that in advance...but it kind of comes with the package―me.

danielhowell; that last part wasn’t as funny as i was expecting it to be. I’m sorry lol

Phil had to admit that he snickered. But he still was in complete disbelief that he was messaging back and forth with Daniel Howell.

amazingphil: I kind of figured. I saw some of the speculation on Twitter already.

danielhowell: Ugh I’m sorry. My fans are always speculating about me. It sucks but there is not much i can really do. I’m glad for them and i appreciate them because i wouldn’t be here without them but they can be a pain.

danielhowell: that being said i can tell them to leave you be? I mean, they probably wont listen but it is worth a little bit of a shot?

Phil bit his lip. He couldn’t ask that of Daniel already when there is nothing between them. They’re just talking about London and about Phil showing him around London. That’s all.

amazingphil: I couldn’t ask that of you. They’re not bothering me directly.

danielhowell: well if they ever do, please let me know!

danielhowell: I really mean it. They can be...a lot.

amazingphil: I’m sure i can handle them if need be.

danielhowell: okay mate but don’t say i didn’t warn you

danielhowell: oh, by the way, can we meet somewhere discreet? I want to keep my day as low key as possible and i don’t want fans to follow me to meet you. Do you have any suggestions?

Here was the thing. Phil didn’t know of many locations where any meeting or any sort was going to be discreet. Everything was pretty much out in the open around London unless you were in one of the back alleys where you could be shanked.

amazingphil: sorry, not really. We could meet at the BBC early on? I have a pass to get in so we can meet in there first?

danielhowell: okay. Fingers crossed I don’t get plowed over by fans before then.

amazingphil: #prayfordaniel

#prayfordaniel?? Phil inwardly groaned and covered his face in shame. That was the dumbest thing he could have sent someone like Daniel and now he’d sent it and Dan’s already read it.

He covers his eyes when his phone vibrates again for another message.

danielhowell: not sure that’ll work but it might worry the shit out of my fans lol

Phil found himself smiling really wide. This was nice. In a way, it almost felt like he might have a budding friendship with Daniel. Of course that was probably super silly but there was some place deep inside of himself that gave him hope.

Dan’s next message widened that place.

danielhowell: can i just say another thank you for treating me like a human? I’ve tried talking to other people before and they all freak out or begin to obsessively fangirl and ngl, it gets tiring. really tiring. So i really appreciate this, Phil. it means a lot.

amazingphil: of course, Dan. Why would i treat you any differently?

danielhowell: :)

They stopped messaging not long after which made Phil feel a tad bit sad but he had a feeling this wasn’t going to be the last time he and Dan talk before Tuesday.

He worked on a big portion of the BBC radio one advertisement and then he put his laptop on the charger to take Spike out for the bathroom and then order dinner from the local Domino’s.

By that evening, Phil had settled into bed in a peaceful food coma and was scrolling through his social media feeds again. Dan had posted some tweets in replies to some fans and he wasn’t trending anymore despite trending the entire week for filming and being on set.

But as he went through all of Dan’s tweets, he realized that he actually didn’t know hardly anything about Dan and he should probably look up some information before he meets him and makes a complete fool of himself.

He googles Dan’s name and unsurprisingly, his name comes up automatically with a ton of tabloid reports.

Daniel Howell’s new beau??

Daniel Howell on set in London! Catch the behind the scenes.

Is Daniel Howell filming in London? We have the inside scoop.

Phil found them all laughable and all totally exactly what tabloid magazines do.

He clicked on Dan’s Wikipedia page and decided to skim through it.

“Daniel James Howell, formally known as just Daniel “Dan” Howell, is a Hollywood actor, two time Oscar winner, and four time Emmy Award winner. Howell is best known for his portrayal as Romeo in the 2014 remake of the classic Shakespearean play Romeo and Juliet alongside Jennifer Douglas which earned him his two Emmy’s. His career took off after his role was heavily accepted by critics across all boards, some even naming him the newest A-List star in Hollwood. Since 2014, Howell has worked starred in many new movies such as “One for the Road”, a coming of age story about a group of teenagers in America which earned his first Oscar, and “The Year of Us”, the star studded adaptation of the widely acclaimed novel by Stephanie Barry, which earned him his second Oscar.”

Phil finished that section and sat back. Wow. So Dan has been a popular celebrity for a while. He knew that. He remember how everyone hyped his role for Romeo and Juliet, calling him the next best Romeo after Leo DiCaprio.

But he honestly never paid any other attention to who Dan was or how he gained his stardom so fast.

“Personal Life: Daniel Howell was born on June 11th, 1991 in the small town of Wokingham in the United Kingdom to parents Karen and Joseph Howell. He has a younger brother named Adrian who is a popular YouTuber influencer. Howell began his acting career at just the age of five when he was casted in a production of Les Miserables in his community. After his success in acting, over the course of his youth, his family moved to Los Angeles, California, in hopes of him to gain stardom. Howell starred in his first Hollywood film at the age of 16 but would not become known for his roles until the age of 23.”

Phil thought back to what he was doing at twenty three. Definitely not gaining any stardom, that’s for sure. He was just sitting in Manchester, trying to make ends meet with a crappy job at Starbucks.

“In June of 2014, one year after gaining his fame, Howell announced his battles with anxiety and depression in hopes to become an ambassador for his younger fans. He is an advocate for mental health and the ability for everyone out there to have access to a health care system that will help anyone who is struggling like he was.

In September of 2017, Howell announced that he was bisexual and dating fellow costar Kellen Queen. After less than a year of dating, Howell and Queen announced on social media that they were no longer together. Howell has not been reported to have dated since but Queen is now dating his fellow “Timeless” co-star Helen O’Reilly.”

Phil sat back and processed the information. If he thought back to it, he could vaguely recall the entire break up happening. He remembers the tabloids and the social media frenzy but he never kept up with celebrity news enough to really know what was going on.

But to see where Daniel had come out as bisexual was a lot. Mostly because Phil himself was gay. He tended to keep his romantic life quiet but for some reason, he kind of hoped that Dan would ask him about his sexual orientation so they can have something to talk about.

There was one thing Phil didn’t mind and that was openly talking about his attraction to other men.

He closed out of Wikipedia, deciding he had read enough, and shut off his light. Spike has crawled in beside him sometime while he was reading on wikipedia and now he was curled in his side.

He fell asleep relatively fast, dreaming about Tuesday with Daniel.

[maxmcyfield]

green and orange stitching | 14/02/2020 10:47 P.M.

for @mitchierps because i guess these idiots deserve rights or smth. my google docs title for this is “chazy valentines drabble bc they are dumb” so i think that sums up how i feel about them. i didn’t know what to expect but this ended up super cute and Soft and i’m Not Okay. but u know just a reminder once u reach the ending: they’re totally Just Friends. 

-

“A gift? For me?” 

Charlie seems delightfully surprised. Zee nods - maybe a tiny bit excited, definitely very bashful. 

They’re sitting on his lap, hands carding through his hair, and now a warm grin growing on their lips. The two of them spent the last couple of hours hanging out like they usually did: a little bit of food she made, talking a whole lot, and now making out while a movie played in the background. 

“It’s nothing much, so don’t get your hopes up okay. I’ll go get it.” She presses another kiss on his mouth before jumping off his lap to get to her room, feeling her heart begin to pound.

It's not that they'd felt like they needed to get him something. Sure, it’s Valentine's Day and all that - but it didn’t even register that it was going to be until Haru was going on about her beach day trip with Drew the night before. 

They weren’t expecting Charlie to get anything for them either - though he showed up with some flowers (buttercups, he’d explained when they asked) and cookies from their favorite bakery in LA (which apparently were sold out, but he had a friend in the bakery who made them fresh for him). 

They’d had it ready to be given for awhile now. And ‘awhile’ meaning just over two months, even just before they began… “fooling around”. Fooling around being a term her members use in place of just saying they’re having sex. Because apparently, saying something so crudely around that topic feels weird to them when it comes to her. So fooling around it is. 

It’s a sticky situation, even as casual and comfortable (and good) it all feels. It’s just that she’s been holding on to the gift for two months and it seems like the best occasion as any other to do it, right? 

Giving a gift right after they started boning felt weird, understandably. Or that’s what people who knew about it said. They’re still just friends after all (albeit, really close). And they’ve never exactly talked about it either. It just kept happening again and again since that day after her birthday, and neither of them complained so now it’s just their norm. She just assumes this is what they just are now: best friends with exclusive benefits. 

She has it hidden behind her back as she approaches him again, the smile still present but much more nervous. She’s sure he can see bits of it as she sways, but she stays there in front of him for awhile.

“I’ve had this for awhile but I’ve just… haven’t found the right time to give it to you.” Their words are sheepish, but they finally show it to Charlie and when his face lights up as he takes it, they feel their stomach flip over and over. (Totally a normal thing for friends, to feel right?)

“Whoa,” he exclaims while he examines it curiously. She climbs on to his lap again before he continues, sitting nearer to his knees to allow for space for him to study the jacket. “Holy shit Zee this is so cool.”

It’s a denim jacket, slightly oversized but the perfect kind of wash for both of them - almost an exact copy of the one Suzy likes to borrow from him maybe too much. The original jacket itself was from someone else, apparently he’d borrowed it from them so long ago that he’d forgotten who - but even the slight fraying on the right sleeve was made to be replicated. 

Everything the same, except the embroidery on the pockets and on the left sleeve: where the original one had green leaf patterns, the one she gifted him has tiny mustard-orange sunny patterns - just so they’re in his favorite color.

“I saw it in Myeongdong one day and I knew I had to get it done up with the stitching,” she offers as he runs his fingers on the embroidery, feeling her cheeks flush with heat. “So now we have matching jackets.”

It’s an indescribable feeling of not only pride but shared joy they feel radiating throughout them at that moment. It balms over all the anxieties they had before about giving the gift during Valentine’s, or at all really. Maybe this isn’t as complicated or sticky as she thought it was. It certainly never feels like it at all. And this just fuels her to ignore whatever it is that’s always telling her she shouldn’t do certain things.

“I love it, Zee” he muses brightly, “Thank you!”

When Charlie looks up at her again, with that wide smile, Zee swears she feels like she’s about to melt right there on his lap. 

“It’s nothing! I mean now we don’t have to keep wearing the same one,” they joke, feeling their smile just get wider somehow, face radiating heat. 

To that, he pauses - looks between the gifted denim jacket and her and then drapes it on her shoulders. 

“We can share both, why not? Though orange is my color.” 

He tugs them closer by the hips, and automatically, naturally, they press their chest flush to his. 

“And I’m pretty sure green is mine - but I can work with that.”

They chuckle, full to the brim with the familiar - though now more intense - warmth that usually came with being around Charlie. He kisses them as they wrap their arms around his neck, but it’s impossible to keep either of them from smiling into it.

[lepapillonbrise]

A Nice Surprise

Summary: Apollo always kept an eye on Klavier, and something about this time is making him nervous. It seems like Klavier has a nice surprise for Apollo this time.

Klapollo, OoC/AU, Apollo’s PoV.

Warning(s): Yaoi ( boyXboy ) for those Yaoi haters. Spoilers from Post-SoJ. I guess that’s it.

Pairing(s): Hints of Klapollo ( Klavier/Apollo ).

Note(s): This is my first Ace Attorney fic. Please be as harsh as you could.

I’m sorry if I got any spelling wrong. The only spelling corrections I have are google. So, if I made any mistakes, tell me.

Criticism is welcome.

Enjoy! xD x3

X-X-X-X Apollo’s PoV

“Is it me- or is Klavier acting strange?”

“You’re seeing things, Polly!”

I watch his every movement. Every single day. Yet, I can’t seem to put my finger on it. Is it the rings? No. Not the rings. He doesn’t seem like the type to mess with his rings, unless it’s on perfectly. Is it his belt? The chains?

The hair?

Hm. He does mess with his hair when he’s nervous. Not sure why a guy like him would be nervous, but the evidence is there. He does get nervous, which is normal for human beings. He just could handle people better than others.

Well, he does seem much more relaxed. He doesn’t get tense all that often, which is fine by me. I don’t need my bracelet tight when there is no lying involved.

Still, I can’t put my finger on it. Something definitely seems off though.

Silence.

“You okay, Polly?” Trucy asked next to me, bouncing on the balls of her feet. She appears to be in a good mood for some odd reason, “You’ve been staring at Prosecutor Gavin for a long time!”

“Ahh, I’m fine!” I practically screamed out. Catching attention to some people- even Prosecutor Gavin himself. I cleared my throat, before, turning to Trucy, who was giving me an amused giggle. I fixed my tie, “Excuse me, I gotta head to the bathroom.”

He’s messing with his hair again, as he excused the women he was flirting with, who swooned over his cool exit.

I grunted, before heading to the bathroom as planned outloud.

X-X-X-X

I washed my face as he came in with a small chuckle.

“Crowd getting to ya, eh, Herr Forehead?” He smiled, “You may leave the party, if you want. I just wanna celebrate of your latest success though.”

“I just came back here and attended because Trucy dragged me here.” I said, as I wiped my face, “Though, that trial was nothing. I’d rather be back though, with my brother.”

“Ach, you wound me!” Klavier cried, playfully ( and dramatically ) holding his heart, “Just stay a little longer where I serenade you, though. Fans demand it, ja?”

“Why would your fans demand you serenading me?” I frowned, “Never mind. Don’t answer that one.”

“Ach, that was a joke, Herr Forehead.” He chuckled lightly, “But they know about you now, and they’re saying… Positive things about you.”

“Positive? Is that a light way of being sarcastic?” I looked in the mirror, “Or, are you just saying things to get you to sing a loud song?”

“Both.” He answered, grinning at me, “I want to make you and my fans happy, ja?”

“Of course.” I roll my eyes, “Do whatever, just don’t be surprised when I wear earplugs later on.”

“Ja, no problem.” He chuckled more now, obviously happy he gets to play a song, “You won’t be disappointed, Herr Forehead.”

Silence.

He walked out, before I looked at myself in the mirror.

No wonder Mr. Wright started to relax more. He doesn’t need to be stressed.

I’m starting to have grey hair.

I sighed. Running a hand through my hair.

X-X-X-X

“Polly! Polly! Prosecutor Gavin said he was gonna sing for us!”

“Of course.” I chuckled nervously.

“I can’t wait!” Trucy gasped, “Is it Guilty Love!? It’s gotta be!”

“I bet so.” I softly smiled as Trucy cheered happily. I looked around. Huh. “Where is he?”

“He’s setting up, silly!” Trucy giggled, before grabbing my hand, “Come on! Let’s find a better seat!”

“Wait, what about Athena?”

“She’ll join us!”

X-X-X-X

The lights dimmed.

I stood between the two girls, Mr. Wright stood next to Trucy as we watched the makeshift stage as Klavier announced his presence with his guitar.

The crowd cheered happily ( and loudly ), as he waved at them.

He looked around the crowd until he sees us. He softly smiled, before yelling among the mic.

“Are you ready to rock!?”

The crowd cheered louder as he threw a fist in the air. Obviously pumped.

The beginning of a song began to play, which fueled the crowd.

I knew it.

It was his most popular song, as he began to sing the familiar lyrics.

Trucy and Athena practically screamed in my ears as he sung. Some people even sang with him.

It wasn’t until he got to a certain part when I realized the lyrics changed.

It was always around the parts where he had to leave. Instead of apologizing about leaving his loved one for court, he’s promising to come back. After court.

Which, for some odd reason, the crowd knew some of the new lyrics too.

Did he release an album while I was away?

I swear, I’ve never heard this change in lyrics before.

He finished his song, when someone behind me pushed me.

I turned to see Trucy, grinning towards me.

I frowned, tilting my head as Klavier grabbed the back of my collar. Pulling me on stage as people cheered. He gestured towards me, as he sat me down on a stool.

What is going on here!?

“Welcome, Herr Forehead! Thank you for joining us, on celebrating your victory!” Klavier cried, over the mic, as the crowd ooh’d. He chuckled lightly, “Not just your current victory here, but your victory back in Khura'in!”

He patted my back as he leaned forward just a little, making the crowd…

Squeal?

“Congratulations, Herr Forehead!” He stood up straight again, “Please, give a round of applause too Apollo Justice!”

Just as he said, the crowd cheered.

I was utterly confused.

After a while, he decided to give an encore. Just as energetic ( and emotional ) as he was before. He seems to be eyeing me as was giving an impression he…

Oh… Oh…

He wasn’t kidding in the restroom.

I began to feel nervous as he finished the soft lyrics as he grabbed my hand.

Did… Did… Did his fans really demand he serenade me?

Where did they learn my name?

There HAS to be a negitive to this idea. What if someone hates me!?

Though, after a while, as if seeing my fear, he chuckled as he led me off the makeshift stage as people congratulated me as soon as I got off.

Mr. Wright came to my rescue as he shooed the crowd as soon as they started asking personal questions. He grabbed my hand as he led me outside as Klavier waved off.

He was obviously done for the night.

X-X-X-X

It was dark outside, and we just came back to Wright Anything Agency.

Mr. Wright catching his breath, as he smiled towards me. He patted my shoulder as he pulled me into a hug.

“It seems like both you and Trucy might be famous.” He said, as if this was a normal thing to say, “I’m proud of you both.”

“You’re not my dad.” I grunted, embarrassed, “B-Besides, that’s not something to s-say to your protégé.”

“I guess not.” Mr. Wright cleared his throat, before pulling away, he smiled though, “Still. I’m proud of you.”

“A-Anyways, what the hell is going on!?” I yell, still embarrassed, “Those were totally different lyrics in his song there. What’s with the fans, and why did he change the lyrics!?”

“Calm down.” Mr. Wright started, wincing at the loud noise, “He rewritten the song, and he had them for a while. He didn’t exactly… Reveal them until you… C-Called.”

“What the hell do you mean!?” I cried, obvious fear in my voice, “Called, as in…?”

“He released the rewritten lyrics when you called to announce you’d be home!” Mr. Wright replied, grabbing my shoulders, “I’m saying, the fans loved the new lyrics, and… They obviously love you.”

“What… H-How did they learn about me!?”

“The lyrics… Are different over the internet.” He admitted, nervously scratching the back of his neck, “I don’t know anything else passed that.”

“I do!” Trucy popped out of nowhere, scaring the hell out of Mr. Wright and I. “I have downloaded the song! I have it on a CD, if you’d like to listen!”

“Trucy, don’t scare us like that!” I cried as she giggled. She obviously seems excited to share the new lyrics Klavier rewritten. My heart was beating so fast though, “Is my name in… These lyrics?”

“Of course not, silly!”

It’s… It’s not?

“Just give it a listen! Come in my room!” Trucy beckoned me to follow as she went to her room. I hesitantly followed, along with Mr. Wright as he was just as curious. She popped in the CD, and shushed us, “Quite down! This song was perfect!”

We both sat down as we listened as the song started.

My bracelet a little tight with how tense Mr. Wright is.

He knows something else. I’ll question him later.

Most of the lyrics remained the same. Being in a romantic setting, only for him to leave court. Though, the major difference would be how he words certain parts.

Instead of leaving abruptly, he apologized, and promise later on during the song that he’d be back, which is much more respectful. I’d imagine his future girlfriend wouldn’t like that.

Though, this… Caught me off guard.

“Where is this love headed?

To find the answer…

Go ask the wind…

… Or better yet, ask Herr Forehead!”

Trucy squealed, as I groaned. Burying my face in my legs. Hugging them.

Mr. Wright rubbed my back as the rest of the song finished.

The guitar solo at one point sounded different, and that’s it. Different.

The lyrics ended softly, for some reason.

I began to hyperventilate.

Trucy sounded concerned for a minute, before she gasped. Her magic… P-Panties appeared. She pulled out a cup. Empty.

What is she doing?

She pulled out a tray, before handing it to Mr. Wright.

“Make tea for us, Daddy?” She asked, politely, smiling brightly, “Extra sugar for me! The cup I gave you, is Polly’s!”

“Sure thing, sweetie.” Mr. Wright nervously said, “Be right back.”

He walked out. I was left alone with Trucy, as she smiled at me.

Silence.

“Prosecutor Gavin should be finished with the party by now.” Trucy replied, “It was suppose to end 12 minutes ago.”

“And?”

“He’s on his way here!”

I groaned again. Curling up into a tight ball, again. Trucy, however, didn’t sound all that sympathetic at first.

“Though, if it makes you feel any better, for the longest time, the fans didn’t know who he was talking about.” She took out her computer, “They made tons of theories. Even dedicated a site to you.”

“Wh-What!?” I uncurled up, just to crawl up to her, “What kind of theories, and how did they pinpoint it to me?”

“Like, an old high school friend, or just a call out for a fan he affectionately nicknamed.” Trucy replied as I sat down next to her. She showed me multiple tags of sites of… Well. Herr Forehead. Some even updated with the newest pictures and updates about tonight’s party. She leaned onto me, “Don’t worry, too much. Those that don’t like you, don’t care. Even ignoring these sites altogether. Hardcore fans of you, just defend you. They respect Prosecutor Gavin. Plus, they wouldn’t mess with a Prosecutor like him.”

She giggled as I realized she made a point.

Those who don’t like me, and have the guts to hurt, aren’t real fans at all. They gotta realize that the person they idolize are people too, and respect their boundaries. That’s something a psycho would do, and they’re crazy to mess with a friend of a prosecutor.

Still. It’s scary.

A knock on the door interrupted us, as Mr. Wright came in with one cup of tea.

Where’s mine? That’s Trucy’s cup.

My question was answered when Prosecutor Gavin came behind Mr. Wright, holding my cup. He grinned as Trucy gasped.

“Prosecutor Gavin!” She squealed, taking her cup of tea, “How was the party?”

“Es war gut, Danke, Fräulein Wright.” He chuckled lightly, before walking up to me to offer a hand up, “Komm mit mir, Herr Forehead.”

I hesitantly grabbed his hand, as he helped me up. I followed him out as Trucy and Mr. Wright waved us out. Smiling at us.

He led me outside.

X-X-X-X

He began to mess with his hair, again, softly smiling.

My bracelet, tight. Why is he tense?

“I see Fräulein Magician showed you the song.” He closed his eyes, unmoving, “Herr Wright told me too. We’re all here for you, Herr Forehead. I wouldn’t let any fan hurt you. I’ll even avenge you if you’re harassed, or worse.”

“Gee, that’s reassuring.” I sarcastically said, my hair drooping, “Thanks, Prosecutor Gavin.”

“No problem, Herr Forehead.” He chuckled, lightly, before leaning forward a little. He’s a lot more relaxed now . “But seriously. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you, Herr Justice. Anyone who does, is no fan of mine, ja?”

“I'm… I’m just not convinced. That’s all.” I kept a watch for his movement. He always kept that smile on his face, leaning forward, trying to be close. He began to mess with his hair, once again. I frowned. “Especially if you’re tense, too.”

“Ach, you’re right.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I’m honestly worried too, if you’re worried.”

“Maybe you should’ve gotten my permission, first.” I frowned. “Instead of releasing it all over the internet, out of nowhere!”

“Ach, my bad.” He honestly looked guilty, “I’m sorry, Herr Forehead.”

Silence.

He leaned a bit too close to me, with an apologetic smile.

“If you want, I can stay away for a while.” He nearly whispered, grabbing both my hands, “Until the fans die down. You’ll have your life back, and you won’t ever have to see me again. Only in the courtroom, as just normal rivals.”

I began to feel scared.

“I’d call you once in a while, and if you want, I’d even avoid Khura'in if I tour there…” His voice was soft. Defeated. Sad. I don’t need Athena’s hearing to hear he’s upset. He began to shake, “… Or, I’d probably quit music altogeth-”

“Objection!”

Suprised, he backed up, eyes wide.

“You’re not gonna cut me off!” I yell, stepping forward, angry, “I want you to visit often! I want you to call, even if, hell, it’s the middle of the damn night there! I want you to meet my foster brother, sister, the Queen, my friends there!”

“Herr Justice, I-”

“No buts!” I continued, grabbing his collar, pulling him closer, “And you’re not gonna give up something that you obviously love to do! I actually felt disappointed when you broke up your little band, and I felt happy for you when you started making music again! I may not be a fan of your type of music, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a fan of you!”

He didn’t respond, speechless.

“Don’t ever cut me off!” I cry, shaking him a little, “And don’t ever cut off what you love the most!”

Soon, I pushed him down, causing him to hit his head on the hard, metal rail. He winced. I obviously felt guilty, but I don’t really care.

It’s almost better then punching him.

I go to open the door to head back inside, when I felt a hand grab mine. I turn to see Prosecutor Gavin, up, holding my hand, tightly.

How did he get up so quickly?

He shut the door, as he pinned me against it.

Silence.

“I’d…” He started, hesitantly, “I-I’d hate to… I'm…”

He rubbed a thumb against my cheek as I winced. He gave a sad smile.

As he was at a loss for words, I realized tears were rolling down my cheeks.

I didn’t realize the pure, raw anger and sadness that was rising up in my stomach, to my heart.

I wanted to sob, wail, scream. It was too heavy to handle.

“I… I understand.” He started again, this time, petting the back of my head, “I understand how you feel. I had no idea you felt so strongly, Herr Justice. I understand your pain, though. I understand not… Wanting to let go. Not wanting to…”

“Prosecutor Gavin.” I interrupted, my heart heavy, “L-Leave me alone, please?”

Silence.

“Can I… Tell you another reason I chose to…” He started, only to back up. He held his hands up, defensively, “I’ll tell you another time, Justice. Though, I want to tell you… Something. That’s the whole reason I’m here in the first place.”

What possible reason is he here anyways?

He kept a comfortable distance away, softly smiling towards me. He began to nervously mess with his hair, again.

He’s… He’s actually nervous.

More silence.

“I… I admit, releasing that song without your permission, was kinda… Horrible.” He started, keeping a sad smile, “But it was all out of… Affection for you. For a nice, and amazing friend.”

Affection.

“You’re… You’re smart. Funny, even. Very kind.” He continued, closing his eyes, “You can say, I missed you. A lot. I had to rewrite those lyrics. Heck, I dedicated the new song to you, as my way of saying ’Welcome back’. I didn’t think of the consequences after I released it.”

He missed me. He rewrote one of his most popular songs in dedication to me. He was so happy I was coming back, that he released it, without thinking.

“It is weird.” He continued. He’s much more relaxed now. “I guess you can say, I… I caused you more trouble then welcoming you back. Still, I’m glad the new song was able to reach you, while at the same time, I… Regret releasing the new lyrics in the first place, ja?”

He reached to grab my hands again, as I stared at his face.

“I apologize, Herr Justice.” He kept a small smile now, “I don’t think this can be fixed with a simple apology, but this made me so happy you’re here with me right now. This could be solved by avoiding me, or staying with me. Which… I doubt would happen.”

He lets go of me, as he stepped forward.

“It’s… Up to you.”

I continued to stare at his movements.

No signs of lying. So…

He really does care about all this.

He really does care about me.

Silence.

“Prosecutor Gavin.”

I paused, as I thought about it.

I’d… Be with him again. That appears the only pro and con. I’d simply be with Klavier. Keeping in touch with him, having him close by. Introducing him to everyone in Khura'in. The con being that I’d have a constant annoyance by my side. That I’d have to deal with loud music, and having fans follow us around 24/7.

The con is smaller then the pro, and that almost scares me more then anything.

More silence.

“I… I want to be by your side.” I answer. Looking away, “I don’t want to lose you either, and you being in Khura'in doesn’t bother me, as long as I get to introduce you to my foster brother. Please… Stay by my side too.”

He brightened up.

“Danke, Herr Forehead.” That nickname is back, but at the moment, I don’t care. He leaned forward, smiling a little. Forehead against mine. Suprisingly warm. “I’m so gratful. Danke.“

“N-No problem.” I gave a small smile, “I just don’t want you gone.”

“Let’s head back inside, and tell Herr Wright and Fräulein Magician the good news, ja?” He opened the door, holding my hand, “You’re staying with me.”

“That just sounds so wrong, Prosecutor Gavin.”

“It’s the truth, though, Herr Forehead.”

We both laughed. For the first time, I felt happier then ever.

Doesn’t matter. I’m living with a Rock Star now. That’s almost as amazing as living with Klavier Gavin.

My partner during this ideal.

I love it.

X-X-X-X The End

[nicholemarie783]

My Emetophobia Recovery

My response to a question on an emetophobia subreddit when OP asked how we got over our phobia. Sorry about the weird gaps. I tried fixing it but it didn’t work.

With me, I had to start slow with getting over it. I’d read V* related stories on FML (just search the word, and you’ll get results. Some of which are actually kind of funny.) I’d also read blog posts by moms talking about how the whole family got a stomach virus, and how they were able to cope.

After that, it was videos on YouTube involving V*. Started off with the gallon milk challenge, because the people in those videos are usually laughing and having a good time, being stupid with their friends, and also the V* doesn’t look like typical V*, just milk. And you can mute it if necessary.

Then I’d watch videos of expectant mothers with morning sickness, people getting sick because they drank too much, or are hungover, or babies getting sick because there’s usually not much V*, and to be honest, you really feel pretty bad for the baby being sick, more than actual panic of the V* happening. Plus some kids will just sit there with a confused look on their face, like “whut,” and those ones are actually kind of funny. Or if the parent gets unexpectedly V’ed on. You’ll find the parent usually laughs it off. There’s also some emetophobia recovery YouTube playlists too. I haven’t looked at any of them yet, but if you’d like, I could take a glance at them and see if it’s paced decently. Maybe you can watch half of one video a day or every 3 days or so. Pace yourself.

After that, I upped my game to people getting sick from stomach viruses, which is absolutely nerve wracking, but it’s what ya gotta do in order to get over it.

I’d also watch a ton of videos of other people talking about their emetophobia as well.

One thing I had to learn to do as well, was sit with the feeling of being nauseous. Normally, at the first sign of nausea I’d reach for any sort of anti-nausea medication, but my therapist told me not to do that anymore (at least until I get over the phobia.)

Also at parties during high school, kids would drink too much and get sick. One time a kid V’ed on the floor of the hosts guest room, and my first reaction (since people V’ing from drinking too much never bothered me) was to sit him upright so he wouldn’t choke on his own V. I had someone grab a trash can, me and another kid got him cleaned up, and I cleaned up the V in the hosts guest room for 20 bucks. The guy that got sick also bought me lunch later that week as a thank you. Another time, I just rubbed a kids back while he got sick, and just comforted him.

So if you’re ever around someone who’s getting sick from drinking too much, or food poisoning, or something that isn’t catchy, try and force yourself to stay there. Don’t have to dive head first into the situation like I did, but just be present, and don’t run out the door.

Similar to OPs story, getting over my emetophobia also involved boose. I lived in New Orleans for three years, and I worked in nightlife, so I drank A LOT. And along with that came hangovers which involve V*, or from just flat out drinking too much. Most nights when I’d get home, I’d just make myself sick to get the alcohol off of my tummy before bed. I found that while I was still drunk, it wasn’t that hard to make myself sick. Sober, the next day on the other hand, it was extremely scary, I cried many times, and had to call friends to pep talk me through it.

Also, avoid sugary drinks, guys. That, and dark alcohols make hangovers so much worse. Also the “beer before liquor, never sicker, blah, blah, blah,” and “you should never mix your alcohols,” myths are false. It doesn’t matter WHAT you drink, it matters how MUCH. Keep alcohol proofs in mind as well. There will be a difference in your hangover if you drink one ounce of 80 proof dark rum vs 151 proof Bacardi 151. (I swear to god, that shit shouldn’t even exist, but oh lord how I miss it now that it’s been discontinued.) But dark liquors do have these things called “congeners,” which have been proven to make hangovers worse. Sources: Google, my non stop party life in NOLA for three years, and former bartender.

Also similar to OPs story, earlier this year a friend of mine and myself got wasted together at his house and I suggested we make ourselves get sick before bed. He knows about my phobia, and understood why I wanted to be in the bathroom with him during, and he was chill with it. He went first and I rested my head on his back. When it came time for me, I was super nervous, so he started making me laugh by giving the toilet a Russian, (excuse me, *Latvian) accent, and making it call me a gypsy and that I had to appease it with my V*. He was making me laugh too much every time I went to shove my fingers down my throat, so I just said, “screw it,” and we went to bed. Moral of the story here is tell your friends about your phobia, or if you feel nauseous. Let them know. They WILL be understanding, and WILL try to help you get over it any way they can.

Part of my emetophobia was that I always expected SUPER negative reactions from people if they knew I wasn’t feeling well. Turns out they are either are indifferent to it, or caring, and want to help out. Ive had 0 friends run for the door when I told them I didn’t feel well.

Since there’s really no way to avoid V’ing or nausea altogether, for the rest of your life, and it’s just a normal, (if uncomfortable and nerve racking for emets,) part of life, we have to learn how to deal with it when it happens, instead of letting ourselves be overcome with fear. And trust me, IT GETS EASIER.

Years ago I was totally repulsed by the idea of being pregnant because of morning sickness/sick kids. Now I feel like I could have one (even without the emetophobia, kids still aren’t my favorite.) Granted, if I could I’d totally not work during my pregnancy if I had morning sickness, but there’s medication out there to help, employers most likely will understand, and worse comes to worse I’ll just V* in a public bathroom.

Kind of off topic, but a funny story involving kids and V* is when my niece and nephew came to stay with us for the summer. My niece has acid reflux issues, and she ate too much one night, and starting getting sick in her sleep. I panicked, ran and grabbed the pink V* bucket hospitals give you, and ran to get mine, and her mom (my sister). Then I slept in my moms room that night because at the time I was sleeping on the couch in the same room where it happened. I was 23 at the time lol. Another good point to bring up is that anxiety translates to kids too. My nephew was still up when all this was going on, and my panic worried him, so he started panicking too, and slept in my moms room as well. He was 12 lol. Every since then, I’ve been extremely mindful about how my phobia may run off on the little ones. If it comes to feeling nauseous or anything, I’ll let my niece and nephew know (they already know about my phobia), and tell them not to worry or panic, and that it’s just me who is this terrified of V*. They always want to help when I feel gross, so I just tell them to either help calm me down by coloring or watching a movie (if the nausea is mild) or I’ll ask that they leave me alone entirely so they don’t see how bad I freak out about it.

I’m not entirely over mine yet, but I’m much better than what I was growing up. I can eat red foods now (didn’t eat anything red for a year after my incident happened), expired foods now (but not like a month expired), eat out at restaurants, drink excessively (granted, I shouldn’t, but meh), be around people who are V’ing, eat at places that I’ve gotten sick from prior, manage to still go out and function even if I do feel sick, get sick in public bathrooms, fly, ride rollercoasters, help out sick kids (sort of as long as it isn’t a Sb), I’m at a healthy weight instead of borderline anorexic like I was in middle school, etc. I get to live my life now that I’ve (for the most part) gotten over this fear.

Now I just deal with anxiety about getting sick like IN IN public, like not making it to a trash can or bathroom. I keep reminding myself the chances of this happening are slim to none, and hasn’t happened to me or really anyone I know since elementary school, but STILL. Even if it does happen, I try to remind myself that people will understand. Be grossed out and want to avoid you sure, but they won’t exile you because of it, and won’t even think about it the next day. Another worry is getting sick in someone’s car while they’re driving. Once again the chances of this are slim to none and has never happened before to me, or any adult I know, but still. I carry plastic bags in my purse just in case. Goes back to what OP said about control. This is also why whenever I do V*, I use my toothbrush or fingers to start it. Helps out a ton with the anxiety because I’m not sitting there waiting and crying in fear for it to happen

Try not to ask so much for reassurance that you WON’T get sick, but for reassurance that it’s OKAY to get sick. Now I’m totally still working on this, but it is a big one. Find pride in doing things your emetophobia never allowed you to do before. I saw some ladies here the other day ecstatic that they got sick, or took their kids out in public. The reassurance that we won’t get sick will only fuel the fire that is this phobia. Don’t let it win. You will not heal if you continuously let it win. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. No having proud moments over how long it’s been since you V*ed or anything like that

We should be celebrating the minor wins like you were able to actually get sick, you took your kid to a children’s museum for the first time, you ate a food that made you ill years ago, heck, even playing into the thought that maybe you should just get sick is a win in my book.

And since I just wrote a damn novel, here’s the TL;DR.

How I got over emetophobia (for the most part):

Exposure, exposure, exposure.

1) Read stories involving V* to start off with. Look at stock photos of “people getting sick.” (They never actually show any V*). Transition to sounds of people V’ing on YouTube. Advance to videos of people V’ing on YouTube, and people sharing their emet stories.

2) Sit with the nausea. Don’t reach for the meds instantaneously. Just breathe, and sit with the nausea for maybe 15 minutes before taking something for it.

3) Don’t run away from situations where people may V*, unless it’s from a virus or unknown source. IE not a hangover or food poisoning. Not saying put yourself on those situations, but also don’t run from them when they arise.

4) Try to start making yourself V* when you’re drunk. Once again, don’t intentionally get drunk for this purpose, but the alcohol will help calm your anxiety about it, and you’ll find it’s much easier.

5) (This is really just a good drinking tip) don’t do sugary drinks or dark liquors. They’ll make you feel horrible the next day. And it’s not about WHAT you drink or the combination, but about how MUCH you drink.

6) Tell friends about your phobia, when you feel sick, and if you’ve V’ed recently. They won’t react negatively, and they will more often than not support you in your times of need, and praise you for your success.

7) V’ing is a normal part of life, and we’ve gotta get used to regardless of how much we fear it. And it gets easier the father into your recovery you get.

8) I kind of want a kid eventually. Someone slap me to get me to start thinking straight again.

9) Kids pick up on your anxieties, so lead by example, but also don’t be too tight lipped about it. This goes back to #6.

10) Try not to avoid the V* and D* words, or any that refer to V’ing. I go back and forth depending on how OP writes it, because I understand it can be triggering, but we still have to expose ourselves to it in order to get over it.

11) I’m not fully over my fear of it yet, but I’m doing MUCH better than before and really loving life now that I’ve (for the most part) gotten over it.

12) The chances of our fears coming true (ie getting sick in public, or in a car) are usually going to be pretty slim. Even if it does happen, it’s not the end of the world (so cliché, and I’m sorry) and people will understand, and not exile you from society.

13) Get therapy or medication if the anxiety and panic are too much to handle and REALLY interfering with your life. Try not to rely on the meds entirely though, and still work on getting your fear in check. Meds should really only be used as a crutch while you’re learning to walk again.

14) It takes time to get over this, or any phobia for that matter, so don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t happen overnight. Just keep a positive attitude and remind yourself you’re taking baby steps in the right direction.

15) Change your way of thinking. Instead of asking for reassurance that XYZ won’t make you ill, think in the terms of “well if it does make me sick, I’ll be just fine. I know I’m really nervous about it, so I’m going to ask my friends or support groups to remind me that it’s okay to get sick.”

16) Sorry my TL;DR is another damned novel. I just really wanted to share what I’ve done to get over this with you guys. Having this phobia sucks ass, and I’m SO glad I’m getting over it. And sorry for any grammatical/spelling mistakes. I’ve been working on this thing for an hour, and my food is getting cold, so screw proof reading.

[gethealthy18-blog]

Trying to Get Into Fitness & Health

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/trying-to-get-into-fitness-health/

Trying to Get Into Fitness & Health

A month is already passed of 2018 and you know what that means!(what?) People have already started giving up on their new year's resolutions(oh) Google claims that only 8% of people actually keep their resolutions

Which is like, the ultimate "I'm not mad just disappointed" Well I'm happy to tell YOU that I haven't dropped any of my resolutions I don't write any My family never really did resolutions Once, my dad was like "let's all write resolutions this year!" and we still didn't and then I didn't accomplish anything

For me when I want to change something I start trying to integrate it into my life right away, rather than waiting until next week, or next year, or next LIFETIME for that fresh start EVERY day is a Jaiden new year! *party horn, kazoo, as well as that annoying spinny thing* Whew! As someone who doesn't write them, and probably isn't qualified to critique the art of new year's resolutions I'm gonna toss my opinion that no one asked for into the ring! I think the main contributors to those 92% failing goals are they're too unrealistic and they're too vauge Let's stop beating around the bush and talk about the most common resolution people make Losing weight, eating healthier you know- that rabbit-hole "Lose 20 pounds by drinking this tea from a weird plant you've never heard of!" "Lose 10 pounds in 30 minutes or your pizzas free!" "Lose

your money" It's all basically just: Spongebob: -ALL RIGHT! GIVE ME THE MONEY! All those quick-fix weight-loss scams that make too good to be true claims are, just people who want your money Sure, the scale says "Hey! great job you lost seven pounds in a week!" but your body says "Yeah, but that was all just water weight, and also I don't feel very good" or AAyuasytdyafwtsfetwsfewdwtdrecwrthdrfewchtewscwszxechzewRTHJQqcfawsh3fawsqcehtgwdcerhnscfqHNSYTZRSEHNT2QD2DCTX NJYCV6FREUWQVF6ET,KDUHCQ If you want change you've got to earn it through work

There isn't an easy way out making changes in your lifestyle need to be sustainable for, life That's why they're called "Lifestyle Changes" Not "I'm gonna pay $200 for this diet shake, feel good for two weeks, lose 10 pounds! start feeling bad and give up in a month" Changes "I'm gonna start working out more" "I'm gonna start going to the gym," let's be honest with ourselves here, that's a weak excuse for a resolution "I will go on a run every other morning," "I'll lift weights 3 to 5 days a week" those are much easier to follow than, "I'll exercise more" *pSHH* get out of here with that vague crap You don't even know what you mean by that

And don't be flaky and say "oh, I missed a week, oh I'm hopeless" *sad moan of grief* NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM You're not gonna be perfect for a whole year Take a breath, chill and keep going I'm saying that to myself just as much as I am to you I've been trying to be more self-aware about when my brain just wants to turn one little mess-up into an excuse to stop something entirely I'm getting better at slowly ending that habit

I grew up doing a lot of sports Soccer, Martial Arts, Tennis, Competitive Pokémon I know my way around the gym But I dropped it all my last year of high school to focus on Youtube and art I didn't care about what I ate and combined with not moving around much I started feeling pretty crummy

So I ended up turning to what most people do when they reach a similar problem *sighs* All right, here we go *upbeat hip-hop gym music plays* Let's talk about home exercise videos Why are so many of them so fake? The weird hip-hop music and the smiles that are a bit too wide it might just be the plastic surgery, but it all makes me feel uncomfortable I get that instructors want to make exercise seem fun and all that but, ehhhhhh it feels super condescending to me How the FRIG do they do entire workouts smiling and talking and making cheesy eating pizza jokes? "All right now hold that squat -ooooh feel that burn in those quads!" "I'm smiling and articulating everything perfectly and I totally know you're panting like a dying animal over there! Don't think about that leftover pizza in the fridge!" *giggles* -"Looking at YOU Brittany!" If you're looking for good home exercise programs, I'm gonna recommend this blog I've been following for a super long time called 'Fitness Blender' Woah is that the sellout alarm?!?!? is Jaiden finally selling out?? No, turn that thing off I've never talked to Fitness Blender, they're not paying me to say this, They don't even know I exist

*groans of sadness* It's run by this nice couple (Daniel and Kelly) they're super down-to-earth and have a really healthy view on fitness and wellness You can tell they know their stuff All their exercise videos and tips are completely free, and if you want to use one of their written programs or meal plans, they're like 15 bucks *GYM HIP-HOP INTENSIFIES* and they don't have that dumb music IN THE BACKGROUND OF THE VIDEO! If you're just starting out exercise it's gonna hurt and/or suck for a bit If it doesn't you aren't gonna see changes Well okay, don't murder yourself

Be smart about it But your body is gonna complain for a while and that's good There's plenty of activities you can do! playing a sport with friends, walking your dog, a casual battle to the death -squats And respect your starting point When I first started trying to get back into working out, I was just, *gasps of exhaustion* okay, alright, got through it

TV: -"Alright, we're done with our warm up grab a quick drink of water, and we'll get right into the workout!" But just stick through the beginning, because that's literally the hardest part Raise your hand if you're sore! AHA trick question! you can't raise your arms They're jello Don't forget that exercise is only a quarter of the health journey What you eat is the biggest variable to all this life changing athlete hippy mumbo-jumbo

Eating right is like straight-up magic You feel amazing It's the closest thing to drugs that isn't drugs There's a difference between being thin, versus fit versus healthy kind of like Venn diagram style Someone could be thin, but that doesn't mean they're at all healthy

Someone could be super swollen, buff, but eat junk 24/7 and someone could be eating super healthy but not have the body of a supermodel There's a healthy range of everything I used to have a really bad relationship with eating I've talked about it before

In college I developed an eating disorder and a fear of eating food and I would go like, an entire day eating almost nothing "No Jadien!" *Slap* "you think that eating 600 calories a day is just gonna float you to all your hopes and dreams?" *M-hmm* "Nope it's just gonna give you headaches and emotional breakdowns you can trust me- I'm from the future~~~" "ALSO learn what bitcoin is and invest everything you can into it while you still can" I wish there was more information being taught on the dangers of eating disorders, Because if I knew about that whole mess 3 years ago, I would have been like "whoa!" okay? Nevermind Let's do a 180 here This ship is wack

I'm getting out of here before it controls everything in my life" You can't abuse your body and expect anything good to come from it Body: "Man I feel great! I could totally run a marathon and write an essay right now I'm so energized and my brain is so clear!" "Thanks for feeding me LITERALLY ONE GRAPE" You don't go to the gas station, pour a cup of gas into your car, and then try to drive to China

Eating less than your body needs to physically survive accomplishes nothing It might seem like it's working in the moment but honey, you've got a big storm coming Please try to end it as soon as you can I'm not at all trying to shame anyone going through rough times with their self-image I know it's a really hard thing to fight against

I was pretty far gone when I was struggling And even though I'm in a much better place now, I do still have bad days What helps me is trying to separate logical thoughts from the bad ones that fueled the irrational fears They're not here to see you succeed They're just the dumb brain versions of those tv and email scams where they're like "Hey! Give me your credit card info, social security number, and mother's maiden name and I'll give you a million dollars!" "I won't literally destroy your life, I'm just your friendly neighborhood Nigerian prince!" It's all more simple than you think

Eat healthy when you can, fresh fruit, vegetables, whole foods, and it's okay to treat yourself every once in a while Don't say: "I'm never eating sugar for the rest of my life!" You're setting yourself up for failure there And end up pulling a James Exercise as much as little as you're ready for, and be mindful and respectful about how your body feels Little changes go a long way

Remember you're doing this for you And don't play that dumb hip-hop music while you work out (music intensifies) or I SWEAR TO HERCULES I'm gonna RUN someone over with an exercise bike! Hey! It's been a while! Sorry Anyway I don't know if you've seen yet, but the finebros made a reaction video on me I've already seen it and had a reaction, but I don't think i'll be making a I react To people react to me thing I know a lot of people wanted me to do that

I enjoyed the video They said some nice things I hope you see it, and thanks to the finebros for thinking I'm someone worth reacting to *pshhh* This video took a bit longer to get done, this year's actually gonna be pretty busy, and we got some special things in the works for you in the future I'm really trying to up the quality of videos, and not die in the process I used to be super strict on uploading every two weeks, but it's really not sustainable for my mental health, or my health in general

So the videos will just be done when they're done but I care more about the quality of videos than a certain schedule, so yeah Also I hope you liked the video stick to your resolutions, keep working towards the person you want to become, and take care of yourself I'm working on all of that stuff too

okay bye!