#I think about this ALLLLL the time I'm actually crying

[giffenprep]

But This Time...

I heard my dad leave and as I walked past the living room I saw my stepmom sitting there smacking a hairbrush against her palm. You see, she found out about my interest in spanking and had spanked me twice, once using her hand alone and a second time after a 'peppering' with a wooden spoon.

I dutifully walked to her side. "I guess I'm getting a spanking," I said, stating the obvious. It was almost okay, I'd been looking forward to it. Except...

"And I'm guessing I'm really in for it this time."

"Yes, you are, sweetie. We agreed that I would decide, so you don't have to ask. And you wanted me to have a 'real reason', right?"

This didn't sound good, but my cock didn't agree. I, or it, have always dreamed about this being the perfect scenario, even though I could see that the reality would be much different.

"Take your pants down, puppy. I like to see how much you're agreeing with me."

I shucked my pants down and let her lower my underwear, my hard-on springing out and nearly smacking her. If that was a measure of my agreement (I guess I could see her point), I was in A LOT of trouble.

"Oh, am I a puppy now?" I complained before thinking about what she'd said in the past about cooperating and being nice when I'm already in trouble. "I'm sorry, Mom," I backtracked. She likes to have me call her 'Mom', and I refused for the first eight years.

"It's okay, sweetie, you're still learning," she told me.

Dodged a bullet there, I thought, but maybe because I'm already in so much trouble.

"Want to tell me what this is about?" I asked nervously.

"I was hoping you could tell me. It would be nice if you already knew."

I did already know, probably, though I didn't know how bad she considered it. "Is this about the other day when my friends were here?" I asked. She, actually, had been a little annoying, fawning all over me, and I'd been a little rude.

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"I'm sorry about that. That was rude of me."

"Yes, it was. I'm glad you recognize that. And when we're through, I'll accept your apology."

When we're through, I thought. That doesn't sound good. "Um, how bad is this?"

"You mean, how bad will this spanking be?" she replied. "Bad, pretty bad, not like the others, you're not going to enjoy it one bit - take your pick. I'll explain why as we go along," she promised, "but the short answer is that this is one of your 'magazine' spankings, the one you've been thinking about but haven't had yet, one with the kicking and crying and... what's the other thing they always say?"

"You not stopping?" I squeaked with a gulp. My cock had flagged to about three-quarter mast but now sprung back to full attention.

"That's a good way to describe it. Anyway, you get the idea."

"Just because I..." I sort of knew better than to argue but I didn't really understand. "What's the big deal?"

"Come on now, over my lap," she said, and I immediately obeyed, as I for some reason always do, having to push my erection down almost painfully to avoid laying on it and rubbing against her thigh.

"What's the big deal about hurting your mom's feelings so deeply?" she asked rhetorically. "I'll explain alllll about it, and teach you all about it, with the help of my handy hairbrush here."

[ultraviolet-cello]

I'm gonna be honest guys, I looked at today's episode and was like Oh No because Episode 9 is my Achilles heel. not that there's nothing to say about it. But that there's so much To say abt it lmao. While 6 & 7 are my favourites, Knives is a character that I see soooooo much like. I need to put him under my microscope.

Anyway, today's analysis/detail watch/@tristampparty is episode 9 - Millions Knives.

Spoilers for Trimax and Tristamp, CW for uh. Knives in general, and enjoy!

It's probably just the angle here, but Knives does look marginally shorter in this shot, and it's extremely funny to me

Okay I did just get jumpscared by being in dub for some reason I was looking for the subtitles and heard English and had The Most dramatic reaction. okay we're normal now.

Knives,,,, Knives Knives Knives,,,, so I, once again, think that the narrative is working against him. It's interesting, then, I guess, that he's the only main character in Tristamp who doesn't get the portrayed-as-younger treatment in Tristamp.

Knives here is experiencing things that Trimax Knives only did way way later; the last run in particular. Trimax Knives witnesses a last run and starts fusing with other Plants midway through Trimax. This scene in Tristamp, however, takes place just 5 years after the Big Fall.

Trimax Knives ends up like he does by spiraling very very quickly after he starts fusing (And he was dead/in a coma for 20 years!); Tristamp Knives, however, has had at least 145 years to build up his power, build up his hatred, go down that spiral. No 20 years of being dead, just alllll that.

In that respect, Tristamp Knives is Trimax Knives taken to the end of that spiral, the extremist endpoint that Trimax Knives never quite achieved because of Vash - he never really had the time to reach the end of the spiral and settle in it, whereas Tristamp Knives has had that going for again, 145 years.

It's a fun inversion of what's going on in Trimax actually - the 20 years between July and the present are what gives most of the main cast their development and personality - They've had the time to develop those coping mechanisms, trauma responses, their characterizations past all the traumatic things that have happened.

Trimax Knives isn't present for those 20 years, he's down and out for the count. So that 20 years of Important development does not apply to him, making him the least Progressed character in Trimax actually.

So to have Tristamp Knives be the inversion of that is really fascinating, because it applies to how extremist he's willing to go, and how,,,, Bad[tm] the actions he takes are.

Some Knives characterization things that I see criminally overlooked are that,,, well, Vash struggles with empathy sometimes, but Knives often feels things far too much, as in a hyper-emotive or overstimulated state (he's autistic ur honour), which is what contributes to his overall spiral - he's so emotionally driven that he doesn't recognize the emotional weight behind his decisions anymore. I don't think he knows quite how much his grief and anger contributes to how he says he hates Rem. He doesn't really explore that but instead just turns it into motivation for himself.

Anyway him feeling things Way too hard is an entire mood and Studio Orange did an incredible job with his expressions.

Like for example, in this sequence he looks like he's about to physically Gag in response to seeing the Plant die

Or this one, where he looks like he's about to cry but shoves his hood over his face hurriedly in case he does. Daily reminder that Knives was the kid who cried a lot

So Vash steps in in the middle of Knives' little breakdown, but he hasn't really Seen that breakdown. To him, Knives is immediately just spouting about how humans are so bad, but from Knives' POV he just watched his sister die while the humans who surround him are unapologetic and uncaring. And that's gotta be devastating for Knives, because Vash really does not understand the context of the situation here. I think that gets to Knives a little bit, and unpauses his breakdown.

The other thing that really cements the Absolutely God Awful Time that Knives is happening is the guards going to grab him. We've already seen Knives be relatively adverse to touch (looking uncomfortable when Rem grabs him), and now he's having a really bad day, he's experiencing Trauma^2, and people just Grab him? Not to be dramatic but I understand the urge to start killing

But he also,,,, doesn't resort to violence first. He literally appeals to everyone's sense of heart, he points out that the Plants are crying out, can't you hear it? And then nobody listens, nobody comes to help him, and at this point there's probably a lot of fear.

A bunch of humans have turned up who are,,, apparently happy to exploit plants, conrad knows he's a plant, and he's being restrained by several people. That's a really scary position to be in, especially if you happen to have seen what happened to, oh, I don't know, Tesla?

Self-defense, in this case, would surely be justified to him.

Also the scene of Knives attempting to get Vash to shoot someone with a gun is a 98-only detail which I love actually - 98 has its moments, even if it's only 3rd in my Top Triguns list! (I love 98 to be clear, I just like Trimax and Tristamp more)

Vash tells Knives that he lost Rem because Rem was protecting Vash, and That's Not A Great Thing To Hear. Knives loved Rem very much and now Vash is telling him that yeah, she's dead because of him. Which he'd definitely known before, but it's such a gut punch to hear your own brother say that, scream it in your face even. Your mother is dead because of you. She was only protecting Vash.

And again, that too much emotion spills over into just inescapable grief and rage that goes into violence and taking it out on Luida which. Yeah. Yeah.

Tristamp fascinates me in that Knives actually has a genuinely good reason to amputate Vash's arm - he's in a haze, and he needs to think quickly, nobody else can do anything, and if that arm goes off it could evaporate everything in the immediate vicinity. So yeah chop chop. It's not a great solution, of course, but it's the quickest one he's got, and also starts desensitizing Knives to violence he commits against Vash. Because, of course, if this one piece of harm had saved Vash's life (which it probably did), then everything else that Knives does is also saving him, right? Right?!

Why does Vash get like. B cups in this scene and only this scene. Top ten questions science can't answer /j

Godddd okay Meryl and Roberto's reaction to seeing plants is,,,, It's nice, actually. I like that Roberto gets to see hope and flora before he dies. I like that the last positive, lovely thing that he gets to experience is the hope of the world. Even if he denies it.

God, Knives telling Vash that he's the reason for the big fall really did a number on him huh. The man is powered on 17 guilt complexes, CPTSD, and bisexuality

worms took her tights can't have shit in noman's land

Roberto also cracks a lot of jokes all the time I miss him. He's so deeply unserious half the time and the other half he's mysterious as fuck. Love this guy. But also the fact that he does try to,,, make the situation better for Meryl by joking with her is very sweet.

Wolfwood has. 0 experience in riding a Thomas because he was never given transport again,,, Why waste fuel and animals when the Punisher can just walk the desert himself? He's not human enough to die of it. ghrngrhgnrgrngrnnnnn

God that's gonna be so good when he gets Angelina though. His own transport,,,,

Zazie doing the lord's work by putting Aotearoa New Zealand front on the Worm Globe, we're so often left out of maps lmao

Alright I have spent some time condensing that Knives rant and it's still. a Lot lmao. Anyway that was my Normal-About-Knives episode, next is my Normal-About-Roberto episode, which I'm super hyped for! yippee!! yay!!!

[pavelkaramazov]

my preliminary and disorganized Beau thoughts under the cut!!!

OKAY OKAY OKAY.

I loved it, as I knew I would, but I am very much still processing. This is not going to be a very coherent post by the way, so please don't expect that of me. The first like hour of this film was the funniest movie I have seen in a very long time and there were lots of laughs in the theatre. Seeing this while high as fuck on 4-20 was wonderful.

One of the biggest things that stands out to me is that there is literally no character development in this film. There's definitely plot development, and new information unlocked, but what does Beau do about this information??? nothing. He remains more or less exactly and completely the same. Which lends itself nicely to a narrative about purgatory.

Also this movie leaves me with lingering feelings and thoughts about how horror is alllll about witnessing others misfortunes and comedy is the same thing. When something mildly bad happens to your best friend everyone's first instinct is to laugh.

Ari Aster and Joaquin Phoenix both thrive in making people deeply uncomfortable so when they work together its just magical. There were moments that made me feel sooooo uncomfortable it was UNREAL I was flattened out in my seat like I was when I saw skinamarink. Specifically just soooo much stammering/crying/moaning/mumbling/screaming/groaning/noises.

This movie also was kind of a montage of every kind of nightmare?? Your therapist works for your mom and sends her recordings of all your sessions, running in the street naked, trapped somewhere and no one will let you leave, urgently need to say something but can't speak, very long boring narrative happening that makes no sense and is going nowhere and leaves you with a vague sense of dread, etc. Very specific and familiar kinds of nightmares.

I'm not necessarily saying that this was the meaning of the film or that it had any inherent meaning at all, but Beau seems to live in the world that your social anxiety WANTS you to believe is the real world. And watching things play out like that is like.... a reflection on how ridiculous it would be if that was actually how anything worked at all. And watching someone who is so victimized by everything and simultaneously so pathetic and unable to self advocate is like. kind of a wake up call. Leaving the theatre there was a lingering feeling not unlike the feeling of waking up from a ridiculous nightmare and thinking "it's never that serious"

[tulipsforvin]

Helloooo vinnn ｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡

How are you? I have a quick question actually :')

I remember once leaving alot of asks in youre box and I'm terribly sorry if that made you uncomfortable and you obviosly have alllll the time in the world to answer them–but I'm not sure if all of them got in ⊙⁠﹏⁠⊙

So one of them was about Louis and the song yandere and how good it would fit him, maybe you can tell me if it got in? Also, i got another thirst!

The first one : Lovesick William (⁠●⁠♡⁠∀⁠♡⁠)

RAWWWRRRR (sorry)

I JUST LOVE THAT IDEA, LIKE—

He cant help but fall in love with you. He is so attracted to you he always melts when you Smile at him, always wishing he could just kiss you stupid— as if you were'nt that already. But thats what he loves so much about you <3 Youre like a star to him. Invisible to the people of the day and norm, but bright and beautiful to him. He could never imagen you away. Youre person just interest him so much, youre like a little mistery box for him to open. He always sees lots of new parts of you that he would have never guessed would belong to you. Youre such a open but at the same time complex person. You care so much for him, always helping even though youre so scared of doing something wrong. Youre awkward and usually in youre head but god he wishes to kiss that dreamy look on youre face. You look so calm and cute when you daydream about something he doesnt know and has acces to find out about. But he wants you to look at him. Like—Pleasepleaseplease look at me more with this sweet,sweet awkard smile that you show when you have no idea what they are talking about. He often finds himself secretly staring at you, dreaming about what it could feel like to kiss you, but only till he foresees that someone is going to talk to him. Youre really smart, a strong feeling of justice and emphatic. But you cant put that to help. But on the other side, it often seems like you drift away from their group. Or you just daydream about a better place to be, a place where you could actually feel loved, happy and not so lonely anymore. He barley sees you sad. But he knows you are most of the time. Leaving to get time with youreself where you could fall deeper into this feeling of lonelyness and that no one actually understands you. You dont cry, he found out by one of youre conversations that you have given up that ability to apear more strong and helpfull for the helpless ones around you. You dont know how to speak up for youreself or how to voice youre opinion. You also have a hard time understanding their plans on how to put this cruel system to an end. Whatever it is, everything about you is alluring to him. The way you smile, laugh or the look on youre face when you have no Idea about something. The lost one when you forgot what you were about to do and the scared one. Youre Expression when youre mad or daydreaming, youre struggle to express youre feelings and thought, the stuttering when you try to tell a story but you dont know where to start, everything. But just how is he supposed to make you feel what he is so desperatly thinking about? You still dont know how you feel about him. Thats the problem. You problaby feel threathen because he is so tall and so much smarter. Or maybe because you cant read his intentions when he smiles and you with eyes full of love? Hes not sure yet. But he cant stop thinking about hugging you. His heart beat dangerously fast when you actually smile at him. He loves you so much, he doesnt see why you just cant feel the same way about youreself? Really everything about you is adorable. Oh boy, just how is he supposed to make you understand that? He doesnt know yet, but he is sure that hes not going to give up. Even if it will take a lifetime to do so, because he is just that in love with you.

EHM— right sorry that was too long again, and problaby ooc, well anyways SOOO(⁠｡⁠・⁠/⁠/⁠ε⁠/⁠/⁠・⁠｡⁠)—

The second one was about William needing youre help. Youre on a festival with lots of noble woman which just cant stop bothering him :') So he excuses himself to get to you and ask if you can speak. ALONE. You have tons of ideas on why he wants to talk to you, now. But youre worrys flyyyy away when//shyly/// he asks if you got any lipstick with you and if you could leave a few lipstick stains on his face and play his lover. not the best idea he knows. But its not like he wasnt just about to be crashed by thousannnds (dramatic ik) of woman? All with the intention of courting HIM? Right. Youre unsure at first but agree on the end. When you take out the little mirror to applie the lipstick you notice His expression behind you. Its weird. You cant really see what kind of expression hes making but it seems a little eager and happy. That confuses you. Like really. Asking you to leave lipstick stains on his face? Isnt that a little.. I dunno, weird? Considereing youre not actually his lover and youre supposed to kiss him. On the cheek, obviosly but that doesnt matter. Its still a intimate act. But you dont have much time to think about it, the noble woman outside are starting to grow impationt and looking for him. You put away the lipstick and mirror and carefully held his face in youre hands. You cant look him in the eye, embarresed as you are you even blush. But its not like William is the same, of you thought so. Because William just looks like he is already waiting for you to do it and seems even a little happy... Weird, weird really. Wait,no. Ofcourse he is, he doesnt see that as anything other than a spontanious additional act for the mission, besides, hes been waiting for you for now like 5 minutes and when youre done the woman will maybe leave him alone. A reliveing thought, right? Before you start to kiss his cheek, William suddenly speaks up. "Is everything alright? You seem nervous. You dont need to do this if it makes you uncomfortable, you know?" You quickly tell him that everything is fine and that youre just a little stressed. He seems realived to hear that. So you take all youre courage and kiss his cheek. After all, it was his request, right? You pull away and ask him if one is alright. He then makes a expression that could be thought as dissapointed. " Hm, no. If it',s fine with you, could you put a few more? I'm afraid only one won't look convinceing enough. Just place a few all over my face, got it?" You nodd, take a deep breath and quickly place around three on various places in his face before he stopps you. Youre relived because you think that may he enough, but youre shocked to hear that if you put them so fast the coulor won't stick. "please be a little slower. Okay?" Extremly embarresed you do as he says. You notices that he seems to be somewhat relived. A sigh escape him. 'Hes problaby glad I can finally do as he says' you think. But in Williams mind all he can think of is how good youre lips feel on his face, and his heart beats so fast he feels like fainting. Sighing again he thinks to himself "God lord .This might be heaven.." He has to restrain himself to let out a humm. His face expression change to something else, satisfaction? Is he really enjoying this right now?! And really, William is so enjoying this right now. So much he even leans more. He leans his head a little to the side so you can place more kisses on his face. He doesnt want this to stop, but on the other side, he thinks that, if this won't stop, he's going to kiss you. He's already having a hard time keeping his smile and humms to himself, slowing losing himself and the ability to fight back this urge in youre kisses. In the end he gives up and leans away. (There was a little more but Tumblr didnt let me Finish. Meh)

That ends in a whole make out Session and William ends up introducing you to the woman as his lover. END

:DDDD

WOAOAOA HELLO!! FIRSTLY, I'M GOOD. THANKS FOR ASKING. I HOPE YOU'RE GOOD TOO??

alright, i'll start off by answering your louis related questions. i did get the louis x maid reader fic you requested, which i've finished.. i think about a quarter of? it was a really adorable idea, so thank you for that. but i didn't receive the song ask for some reason?? maybe tumblr ate it - you can send it to me again and let me know, i'd love to listen to it!

NOW WITH YOUR THIRSTS; THEY'RE SO GOOD?? I'D LOVE TO WRITE THEM FOR YOU, IF YOU'D LIKE

OKAY BACK TO TALKING ABOUT THOSE TWO IDEAS, to me the first one definitely gives a lot of potential angst (or maybe it just seems that way to me because i'm an angst enthusiast) but i can definitely feel the distance reader keeps between reader and him and how badly smitten william wants to overcome that wall that reader puts around themself. i feel like reader feels insecure and uncertain about certain aspects or things in their life and that william just wants reader to see themselves the way he sees them.

second one also kind of gives off the 'unrequited love' vibe. (using 'you' instead of 'reader' bc my hands are a little tired) william has fallen in love with you and wants you to fall in love with him too, which is why he decides to use an upfront yet sly method of hopefully making you feel the same way he does. he thinks the best time to do this would be through the guise of a mission. as you're applying lipstick, making sure you're doing it correctly with the help of a mirror infront of you, you can't help but take every few glances at him through the mirror. and when you do, you always notice william staring at you with an expression you've never seen him make before. before long, you're placing a kiss on him, he wants more so he says that it wouldn't look convincing, you place some more kisses on him and he can feel himself losing the composure he's always known to hold. things happen and in the end of the kiss, he leans back practically panting from that passionate make out session. and so the two of you walk out; you with smudged lipstick on your lips and william covered in lipstick marks from you.

ANYWAY I LOVE THESE SO MUCH. I'LL WRITE THESE RIGHT NOW AS FICS IF YOU WANT ME TO. JUST LEMME KNOW IF YOU WANT THEM AS GN!READER OR WHAT NOT. LOVE YOUUU

[underworld-park-offical]

STAN: Dude what the fuck

STAN: Why didn't you tell me the new kid was a DEMON

STAN: I could've done a WHOLE conspiracy video

STAN: I could've shown the WORLD I'm not crazy!

STAN: You YouTube gatekeeping supreme covered ass muncher!

KYLE: Woah dude

KYLE: Calm down

KYLE: Life isn't just about views

STAN: DON'T YOU KNOW KYLE??? STAN: IT'S ALLLLL ABOUT THE VIEWS STAN: ALL THAT CRAZY SHANE DAWSON ESC SHIT???? STAN: IT WAS ALL A LIE STAN: I JUST WANTED ATTENTION STAN: DID YOU THINK I WAS ACTUALLY SERIOUS???? KYLE: YES????????

CRAIG: STFU CRAIG: THIS IS LITERALLY NOT MY FAULT CRAIG: FUCK OFF

STAN: THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN YOUR FAULT, CRAIG

STAN: YOU’RE SUCH A DICK

CRAIG: EVERYDAY I WAKE UP IN FUCKING OHIO

STAN: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN????

STAN: WHATEVER

STAN: THE POINT IS BECAUSE OF YOU THERE'S DEMONS RUNNING ABOUT STAN: THIS IS GONNA BE THE NEXT PEWDIEPIE VS T SERIES WAR

CRAIG: FUCK YOU DUDE CRAIG: YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF MY SUBSCRIBER COUNT STAN: WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN?! STAN: YOU DID THIS STAN: EVERY APOLOGY YOU’VE EVER DONE HAS BEEN SHIT STAN: THIS IS NO FUCKING DIFFERENT STAN: YOU KNOW WHAT?

STAN: I DON'T CARE IF YOU BREAK YOUR ELBOW CRAIG: (gasp)

CRAIG: BITCH

KENNY: Can all of you SHUT. UP.

KENNY: This is NOT the time to be arguing with each other!

KENNY: This is damn near close to a Zombieland type situation!

KENNY: We can’t be causing more problems than we already have!

KENNY: So NO CHANNEL WARS!

KENNY: Got it?

CRAIG: Fiiiiiiine

STAN: Sure.

CLYDE: Tolkien,

CLYDE: hey

CLYDE: Hey 

CLYDE: Hey Tolkien

CLYDE: Tolkien

CLYDE: Tolkien

TOLKIEN: What. I'm not talking to you right now

CLYDE: Yeah yeah yeah

CLYDE: Okay

CLYDE: Do you think I could 

CLYDE: Do you think

CLYDE: Do you think I could

CLYDE: Do you think I could ask out Tweek?

TOLKIEN: Are you fucking serious?

TOLKIEN: We just broke up.

CLYDE: I know but like

CLYDE: Do you think I could?

TOLKIEN: No, and I hope he rejects your sorry ass

CLYDE: :(

CLYDE: Hhhhhhh my chest hurts

CLYDE: My hands unwashed

KYLE: Fucking ew

CLYDE: My boyfriend left me

CLYDE: Life is pain

CLYDE: …

CLYDE: Guys?

CLYDE: I think I might become emo

CRAIG: Ew

CRAIG: Just when I thought you couldn’t be more cringe

CRAIG: Don't touch me

CRAIG: Gross ass

CLYDE: Fuck you!!! You guys are so mean!!!

CRAIG: Cry bitch <3

CLYDE: (Damn near sobbing)

CRAIG: Boy kisser

KYLE: Guys?

CLYDE: (Full blown crying, fucking bitch)

KYLE: GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CRAIG and CLYDE: WHAT?!?!?!

KYLE: INFLUENCER ALERT!!

CRAIG: OH HELL NAH

STAN: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CARTMAN: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOLKIEN: FUCKING BOOK IT

GREGORY: GET BACK HERE YOU-!!

CARTMAN: WHERE'S CANCEL CULTURE WHEN YOU NEED IT?!?!??!?

CRAIG: ONLY IN FUCKING OHIO STAN AND TOLKIEN: READ THE ROOM CRAIG!!!

STAN: QUICK STAN: GO TO THAT PRESUMABLY HAUNTED BRIDGE TOLKIEN: WHY???? STAN: I HAVE SALT KYLE: WHY'S THAT RELEVANT????

STAN: DON'T YOU KNOW??? STAN: SPIRITS HATE SALT!!!

KYLE: JUST LIKE CLYDE HATES BATHING??

CLYDE: HEY!!! STAN: EXACTLY

STAN: IF I SPRAY THE BRIDGE IN SALT THEY’LL LEAVE US ALONE

TOLKIEN: WHY DON'T WE JUST PUT SALT ON OURSELVES????

STAN: I DONT HAVE THAT MUCH

KENNY: IGNORE THE STATISTICS LETS GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!

CRAIG: Wait

CRAIG: Hol up

CRAIG: I smell British

PIP: HEY! BITCHES!

STAN: Oh god

STAN: We gotta get rid of the salt

STAN: They know our plan

KYLE: DAMNIT

CRAIG: Not a slay moment

PIP: I know you crusty hoes have salt!

PIP: You think that can repell us demons, imps, etc so easily?

PIP: HAH!

PIP: That's more laughable than Stan's tin foil fuckery!

STAN: FUCK YOU, DUDE!

PIP: I can't hear you! Lalalalalala!

PIP: Now, I think we’re missing the only tolerable person on my team!

PIP: Gregory, could you do the honors?

PIP: OHHH HELL YES PIP: IT'S PARTY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CRAIG: Lmao literally who?

STAN: Shit

STAN: Kyle help me toss this

KYLE: Okay fine

KYLE: Fuck

TOLKIEN: Ew, what's wrong with his eyes?

TOLKIEN: Why are they uglier?

CLYDE: My my!

CLYDE: How rude!

CLYDE: And don't waste that salt!

CLYDE: It's still a full container!

CLYDE: This boy should really take better care of himself, I mean my word!

CLYDE: There's fecal matter all over his hands!

CLYDE: Not to mention he also hasn’t taken off his binder, nor has he shaved

CLYDE: If you all weren't so hesitant on the idea of us I would have cleaned up this poor lad!

CLYDE: Anyhow, WHY ARE YOU ALL ON THIS BRIDGE????

CLYDE: THERE'S NO SAFETY SIGNS OR ANYTHING!!

CLYDE: You could all fall and hurt yourselves!

CLYDE: Look at how shallow these waters are! Combined with the rocks, I mean REALLY! This is an ER trip waiting to happen

KENNY: What the hell is he saying?

CLYDE: My pronouns are she/her, thank you very much

CLYDE: I believe I've dragged on long enough,

CLYDE: It's so nice to meet all of you!

(Edits made by @pissblanket and @zemoleinyourtrashcan)

[joyandthephantoms]

oh man i want to know them alllll tbh but how about the first 4 and the last 4?? if that's not too many lmao

aaaa thank you B! you're the best :)

from these

1. what's the fic you're most proud of?

Ooooh I wanna say the Luke vs possessed Nick guitar battle, just mistakes with different names. It took me a long time to get it written exactly how I wanted it, but I feel like I did ultimately accomplish that, and I'm really proud of both the things that I consider my standard strengths (Luke POV/Characterization, Nick, exploration of complex feelings, etc) and the parts of it that were much bigger challenges for me (Caleb's voice, getting the action and pacing right, writing more than 2k in one fic lol). Genuinely I think it's the best thing I've ever written and near-perfect by the standards I tend to apply to my work.

2. what's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place?

So the realest answer to this is something I never really published, (though I did send it to a couple of friends, and B you're welcome to DM me if you wanna read it), which is some Luke angst/juke hurtcomfort building off of "you said 'we're cuffed to the past,' you found the key."

In terms of things I've actually posted, the hardest one was the Nick & Carrie sickfic; a lot of what I was writing about their relationship hit pretty close to some feelings about an ex-friend of mine.

I was writing both of those fics at the same time, and somewhere in the middle of that decided to temporarily ban myself from writing any Luke or NIck angst, which I think was a good call but did briefly leave me going "okay . . . wtf do I do with myself then" lmao

3. what fic are you emotionally attached to?

Literally all of them, most of my writing is very solidly rooted in my own feelings and it all matters to me, but for now I'm specifically gonna say make a wish and hold it tight. It's not even 400 words lol, but that specific warm feeling of people coming home is really important to me and applying it to Willie is also important and it reminds me of the people I currently come home to and the people I'm looking forward to coming home to in the future <3

4. what fic of your own do you read for comfort?

A bunch of them honestly, but probably to find someone you're safe with (nickjulie studio studying) more than anything, because I specifically wrote that one because I'd had a terrible week and wanted a. to make something nice for myself and b. to thank Lilly for being there for me through it, and like . . . it worked! mission accomplished, I feel better <33

17. What’s the best engagement/interaction/feedback you’ve received from someone who’s read your work?

People are waaayyy too nice to me for me to be able to pick out one single thing; I hope everyone who has Ever said something nice or encouraging to me knows I absolutely took it to heart and it means the whole world to me.

But to highlight one specific thing: @ri-jane said in a comment that the guitar battle fic was a "compelling and compassionate piece and beautifully told" and I will never ever be over that because that's always the Entire goal, like what a lovely and kind and succinct way to summarize everything I'm ever trying to do, and to tell me I'm succeeding at it?? I'll cry

18. Do you only write when you’re inspired, or do you try and sit down at specific times and write no matter what?

lol I'm very solidly an "only when I feel like it" person. tons of respect to people who will write even when they don't feel it, and I absolutely see the value in that, but for me personally, writing is a thing I do for fun, and it stops being fun when I try to Make myself do it.

19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include?

This one's tricky and I'm not even sure this quite answers the questions asked, but my priorities, roughly in order, are that it does a good job expressing the idea/feeling I'm trying to articulate, that it's in-character, it flows well, and the language is pretty (more "high hopes tiptoes" shit, you know?). If I can hit all of those things in one fic that's amazing and ideal. I'd also love to write the girls more often, I'm not always as confident with portraying them but they are so important to me <3

20. What’s the greatest gift you’ve gotten from your writing?

oh god. I think just having something in my life that lets me feel like I'm putting something meaningful into the world is really really important to me. Not everything I write has to be life-changing or even matter very much but some of it does matter, I think, and that means a lot on a personal level--that I spend my life, like, collecting up pieces of art and poetry and stories that resonate with me and affect me and are worth carrying in my heart, and that I'm not an artist or a poet or a Serious Writer but I still get a chance to put something out there and contribute a tiny little piece to other people's heart-collages . . . it's so much.

[stayxlix]

helloooooo!!!🩵🩵 moving was pretty difficult, but thankfully, some of my friends helped and etc and now I'm ready to start anew!!

AKWKEHEG i'm just so so so glad that you've actually decided to endulge me with this trope😭 😭 I can't even explain just how excited I am to THOROUGHLY read the next chapter (and ALLLLL the other ones to come) and haha yes I'm pretty much also living for any media that include romance, buuut like I said, angry love confessions and angry passion just really do it for me🤭 and you're so right! Having a happy ending really makes me feel like crying all those times and screaming into my pillow was really worth it😭

I'm really glad you're happy that I said otde is my fav way to get rid of excessive stress, bc it really is!! I honestly want to find every single thing that could make you happy and just give it to you bc you're just so nice and ahaiwiowowjw

AND DID YOU JUST YOU VALUE MY OPINION THAT MUCH?!?!??! I ACTUALLY CANT DI THIS WTF ALEX WJY ARE U SO NICE HELP ME I'm so unbelievably glad that I can talk to you like this and try to make you feel the love for you and your story and blog, even if it's just through asks (for now!! I'm trying to build up my courage to finally text you and not do it like this by being anonymous) and I honestly wish I could give you a real life hug, I just wanna squish you and qjqjwhegejqo1 😭😭💗

I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKE THE MOODBOARD!!!!!!*×*×[×[2[2> And YES I PUT A LOOOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT BUUUT I REALLY REALLY ENJOYED MAKING IT AND I'M JUST SO FREAKING GLAD YOU LIKE IT HELPBMEKAJQ i really tried to put in what i feel when i readd otde, so i'm just really glad that you can see what I meant and it makes me even happier taht you actually like it and even SAY THAT IT'S THE PERFECT VISUAL JOURNEY FOR OTDE AND THAT IT'S THE EXACT VIBE YOU ASSOCIATE WITH OTDE??? OMFG I CANT DO THIS I AM ABOUT CRY

and yes, I will gladly talk to you about every single pic that I've decided to add, and hopefully it'll be very VERYYY soon bc I am pretty close to dming you😭🩵 and I'm in the middle of the red version already, so I'm even MORE excited to share it with you soon!! (Possibly through normal dms🤭🤭) I AGREE!! i would like to announce, that now it is canon that mc wears red Vans bc it reminds of Felix (she probably wouldn't admit it at the beginning but we KNOW) (and, why do I feel like otde Felix is the type to get something related to mc tattooed?? Maybe just a small thing like her fav flower and on his wrist somewhere so that he knows she's always somehow with him😭 or if she gave him a bracelet, he'd literally NEVER take it off like no matter what... and I feel like he'd also be the type that wears EVERYTHING related to her proudly [and probably gets a bit too turned on when he sees that she does the same] okay I may be ranting a bit too much now... i need to stop)

I'm extremely glad that the new chapter is coming along nicely!! I'm soooo anticipating it and I'll definitely have so much motivation to make something that I don't even know with what new creation of mine we'll end up with☠️😭 aaaand i'll so let you in on a little secret, I love LOVE LOVE LIKE WITH MY WHOLE SOUL LOOOONG STORIES like give me 35k words and I'm eating ALL OF IT UP. especially from you?!?!?!? But i wish you so so much good luck with the finishing up/ just writing in general!🩵🩵 don't feel any pressure to finishing it! I'll honestly wait however long is needed without any problems if it's otde🩵

And thank YOU for being so wonderful!🩵 I'm so happy to be writing another ask again💗 your answers also mean the world to me, and I love sharing the excitement and happiness I hold for not only otde, but also you🩵 Hearing that what I make for you/otde is a source of motivation truly makes me so happy that I can't even put it into words, thank you for existing, honestly!🩵

I now find myself thinking about you when I'm writing and wondering if you'll like where the story is going or certain parts etc. etc.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDUNG ME?!??!?!?! I LITERALLY XANT DO THIS IM SO CLOSW TO CFYING LIKE ARE U SERIOUS RIGHT NOW THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME ITS ACTUALLY UNREAL PLEASE

Our interactions also mean so so much to me and YOU make all of the time spent reading, and creating thinks for you/the story so so worth it that I wouldn't even imagine it being unworthy, really, I know I've said this before but finding this story/ you and your blong has genuinely made my lately life better and happier💗🩵 I am also so thankful to have you as a friend and to see what you create with your beautiful writing🩵

And yes!! Honestly, though, who wouldn't have a crush on otde Felix?! I also sometimes need to take a break and make myself that, unfortunately, otde Felix is not real anywhere else than our minds and hearts😭 (ps. I am now extremely excited for next week and am omw to add some songs to the playlist, and work on the red version of the moodboard bc I'm so glad that you are excited to see it😭😭)

This was also VEEERY long so hopefully you've survived through this (and yet I still have so much more to say help me) i'm sending another hug right back to you! Stay safe and take care, have the best rest of your day and good luck with everything!!🩵🩵 i love you just as much!!

hi hi hiiiiiiii🩵🩵🩵 im so sorry i wasn’t able to respond until now, i had the most hectic weekend!! i went on a roller coaster for the first time and i don’t think i’ve ever been so happy and terrified all at once before😂😂 (although i do love a good scary movie lol). but im so glad you had good friends to help you move, i know from experience that it makes all the difference :) starting anew is one of my favorite things about life!! even if it can be scary sometimes, it sounds like you’ve got a wonderful support system there with you<333

are you kidding me?!? i LOVE talking about tropes like the one you sent, it resonated so much with me (as does everything you say lol) angry love confessions? YES. angry passion? YES. and a happy ending to wrap it all up?? SIGN ME UP. (btw i like how you mentioned screaming into your pillow because this has also become a regular occurrence for me while writing this story😂) but the fact that you said you’re excited for the new chapter makes me that much more excited to share it (although i am a bit nervous, but what else is new lol) it also makes me want to take even more care with every single word that i include (much like answering your asks lol) im a bit particular about it and it makes me feel really good to know that you want to read it thoroughly because it makes the time spent writing all worth it🥹🥹 (even if it does end up being 35k words lmao) at least i know you’ll still be willing to read it all🥹because ill let you in on another secret, a little over halfway through i checked and it was at like 12k words????? help🙃 and the middle is still a bit of a mess but im really really stuck on my goal of putting it out some time this weekend, so we’ll see.🤭 ive considered splitting it up, and i honestly still might (but i don’t really like the idea of the first half being it’s own part so i even thought about doing like 5.1 and 5.2????? is that even a thing to split a chapter into two?????) lol idk all i know is im just hoping i have plenty of time this week to figure it out😂 thank you so so much for the good luck, kind words, and your amazing support🩵🩵 i need it more than you realize😂

you saying otde is your favorite way to relieve stress is like its own kind of stress relief for me🥹🥹 seriously!! and you are so unbelievably sweet to say that you want to give me every single thing that makes me happy😭 but 🩵, i promise you your asks already make me happier than you could ever imagine!! i only hope that my responses do the same for you because you are so incredible and important to me💕💕which means that OF COURSE I VALUE YOUR OPINION!! readers are the heart and soul of any story, and feedback like yours is the backbone that keeps me going. it keeps the story alive, you know???? and i would be a fool not to recognize that. you have done more than enough to make me feel the love for my little story and blog, even if it is through asks!! don’t ever discount that or feel pressured to do anything further. of course my dms are always open for you🩵 but take all the time you need love, no pressure :)

LIKE THE MOODBOARD???!?!?!? NO NO I L O V E  IT. I CAN TELL HOW MUCH THOUGHT YOU PUT INTO IT AND I AM SO PROUD OF IT THAT I WANT TO SHOW IT OFF TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN MY LIFE (and i totally would, if any of them knew that this blog existed lol) BUT THAT IS HOW MUCH IL OVE IT. I LVOE IT WITH MY ENTIRE HEART AND SOUL.😭 (and i think mc would too) because i could literally feel the emotions you portrayed, and i cannot even put into words how that makes me feel. your love for this story is something i will never ever forget. even years down the road. you are so special to me, and the offer to go through and discuss all of the pictures (and the songs on your playlist) stands forever. my door will always be open<3 you don’t even have to knock lol just come on in and we can pick right back up wherever we left off. AND WHEN I TELL YOU I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE RED VERSION I MEAN LIKE SHAKING WITH EXCITEMENT ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT BITING MY NAILS ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THE MOMENT IT DROPS🤭🤭(take your time though of course, because i know these things can’t be rushed🩵)

and if i’m being honest i have been thinking about this whole vans thing ever since you brought it up…like my mind has been spiraling with ideas about how our main couple would be in a world like ours, like if they were real college students or something idk. and we have definitely confirmed that its canon that mc would wear red vans because of felix and IT IS EVEN MOre CANON that felix would have something related to her tattooed?!?(I SQUEALED WHEN I READ THIS NO YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND) “Maybe just a small thing like her fav flower and on his wrist somewhere so that he knows she's always somehow with him” THIS.😭 but wait what if the flower was something SHE drew, like maybe just something small that she casually sketched while they were together and he kept it without her even knowing, or if she drew it on a little note to him?????? i am WEAK.😭😭😭😭

“or if she gave him a bracelet, he'd literally NEVER take it off like no matter what” no this is SO good too because even though he would rather die than admit it, he is so fucking obsessed with that little bracelet. because it was from her. OR MAYBE ITS JUST A LITTLE HAIR TIE THAT SHE TOOK OF AND WRAPPED AROUND HIS WRIST CASUALLY oNE daY AND HE HASNT TAKEN IT OFF SINCE BC IT REMINDS HIM OF HER AND - I CANT.😭 pls. we need to discuss this further. and don’t even get me started on how turned on he would be if he catches her wearing something of HIS. nah you’re insane for this and i’m cutting myself off before i get too invested and start making this into its own separate little fic. (mc and lix in a parallel universe or something lol, maybe a past life even??) idk send help😂

thank YOU for existing 🩵, my adoration for you grows even more every single time i see you pop up in my askbox, if that’s even possible :) i mean every word i put into in my responses and i cannot WAIT to see what new creations we’ll end up with from you💕 (starting with the red moodboard of course) you are wonderful, and you have no idea how much you have touched me with your words and interactions. for all we know, we might be halfway across the world from each other, but whenever i read your asks i always feel so close to you.🥹 they give me life, and its probably a good thing we don’t know each other in person, because I would be absolutely SHOWERING you with love 24/7, i would never leave you alone and you’d probably get sick of me lol.😂😂 you make my life better too🩵🩵thank you so much for saying that you think my writing is beautiful, how am i not supposed to think of you when i write when you say such kind things like this???🥹🥹🥹

“I also sometimes need to take a break and make myself that, unfortunately, otde Felix is not real” the struggle is REAL😭 and omg i saw that you added the eve by exo to the playlist and i HAVE to ask if it was because of the hyunlix dance cover from the fanmeet??? bc i also considered adding that song to mine after i saw their dance (don’t even get me started on that and how RUDE it was lmao)

okay okay, if you have made it to the end of this then i sincerely thank you for taking the time out of your day to read it, i could go on forever (you’d never believe how quiet i am in real life😂) but i just have SO much to say when it comes to you. so have an absolutely amazing start to your week 🩵🩵🩵 i hope its full of all of your favorite things and plenty of moments that make you smile<3333 sending SO much love and the biggest warmest hug back your way🤗 talk soon💕💕

[maxanor]

yeah that makes sense! I might branch out into fandoms whose fics i'm curious about for sure, then!

also pasta is literally the best food ever invented, i think my fave way to eat it is lasagne, though, it's just so good. my favorite food has to be burgers, i can never have enough of them.

I tried watching outer banks once but couldn't get into it, but the gifsets are always fun to see! I did like the characters dynamics though. I've never seen Spartacus but i'm definitely very curious about it, even though i'm not much into period dramas myself.

I am mostly into horror/thriller/drama type stuff. I can never get enough of it. I love time traveling tropes, If anything has that element in it it's a guaranteed watch for me for sure! I think one of my fave shows to watch is Supernatural (yeah, I know). I know people make fun of it all the time, but it's a genuinely good show, imo. It's fun, it's horror, it's got some funny comedic moments, it's heartfelt, it makes me cry, it makes me laugh. I've watched seasons 1-8 at least 4 times now.

How about you? Do you like horror?

i’m italian and so my family eats pasta alllll the time and it’s so hard to pick a favorite!!!

outer banks definitely isn’t for everything fhskdjs it’s a very silly show but idk i’m just so attached to all the characters!!! it’s also gotta be the gayest show i’ve ever seen that refuses to have a single gay character. homoeroticism everywhere!

i’ve actually seen seasons 1-10 of supernatural but then i stopped watching once fhkshdks i def wasn’t as invested as i think a lot of people were, but i do agree it’s a really fun show!!! all the early monster of the week eps are soooo fun but i was frustrated by the treatment of the female characters (by the show and by the fans)

and i LOVE horror!!!!! it’s hands down my favorite genre of film!!! i’m less into horror shows for some reason, i think bc i enjoy suspense and it’s obviously hard for a show to hold that tension for 10+ episodes. im kinda picky about the types of horror movies i watch, but once i find a genre i’m into i’ll just go thru a giant list and watch them all. i’ve been in such a horror movie mood lmao i’ve watched quite a few this past week!!! my comfort media <3 what about you? do you have a favorite horror movie?

[marvelingjules]

So today, my mom and I we’re running errands and talking about family stuff, as you do. Nephew is picking up a second job, which led to discussion about his choice not to pursue an education post HS (which is a valid choice; higher education isn’t for everyone!), which led to talking about Little Sis and how now that she’s figured out what she wants to do she’s very determined to not just finish her classes even when they are hard but to do well in them, which is great!

But then it led to this exchange, and further proof my mom is either willfully ignorant or I just - somehow managed to be way more covert about my anxiety and regular mental breakdowns from 8th grade onward (so... since I was 13, which means about 15 years now lmao).

My mom goes basically “and it’s just so impressive of her because she’s doing all this while fighting depression and anxiety! Can you imagine how hard that must make everything? I mean it’s stressful enough when you’re normal, but managing to do what she’s doing and do it well with all that too!”

Me, literally taking a moment to look out my car window like I am on The Office because omfg this again, saying absolutely nothing.

Like. Ha. Haha. Yes. Imagine being depressed and still making yourself go to school and do your homework and be somewhere that makes you hate yourself more. Imagine having so much anxiety about people and life and Being Perfect that you regularly actually lose the ability to feel anything at all!!! IMAGINE THINKING THAT HAVING REGULAR EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWNS COMPLETE WITH HOURS LONG PANICKED CRYING AND BEING UTTERLY CONVINCED YOU ARE A FRAUD AND AWFUL HUMAN BEING IS JUST NORMAL! AND THEN PUSHING YOURSELF HARDER BECAUSE OF IT!!! AND HIDING IT ALL BECAUSE YOUR FAMILY IS DEALING WITH ENOUGH STUFF, AND LITERALLY TELLING ANOTHER PERSON CONCERNED FOR YOU THAT “I’m not allowed to be depressed, my family/mom can’t take that so I can’t be!”

Haha. Yeah. Can’t at all imagine that, Mom.

Can’t imagine how it feels to constantly feel like you’re a goddamn imposter among all these smart people who are gonna figure you out at any second. Can’t imagine having regular anxiety attacks over everything. Can’t imagine the weight of everything pressing in, the fear of failing to be Perfect As Expected, so much that you regress back to the worst you have every been where you thought seriously about how good it would feel to hurt yourself. Oh yeah. I would have NO idea about that, would I?

Because I was your “easy child” that you constantly THANK ME FOR BEING. Because I “never struggled as much/like Little Sis did/does”. Because I don’t have to take meds to function through every day, because my anxiety without them runs so bad that I can’t sleep, can’t stop shaking, can’t stop thinking of how everyone secretly hates me and I am a fraud about to be found out at any moment.

Because I’m apparently the kid you “didn’t have to worry about” probably because I always had to hear all your worries and upsets and didn’t want to add to them. Because unlike with Little Sis, no one ever forced you to see the issues with me (no one seemed to ever notice and that only ever made me feel MORE invisible) and so unlike with Little Sis you never had to acknowledge them. Unlike her, I went through all of it, alone. Unlike her I had to learn about it all by myself, figure out how to manage it by myself, bring myself to demand help from my doctors for it on my own.

Yeah. Please. Tell me more about how I can’t possibly imagine or understand how rough a time my sister has had with higher education and how I had it so much easier.

[broomsticks]

I'm going to turn those right back on you! 😈

(But no pressure to answer any of these if you'd rather not.)

a fic you were 100% sold on from the summary

a fic you were intrigued by from the summary

favorite AO3 tag?

most memorable fic ending?

most memorable beginning?

what would your ideal written-for-you fic look like?

(@billsfangearring made a fic ask game and got some bonus nonsense from meeee)

a fic you were 100% sold on from the summary the family evans by dirgewithoutmusic (3.5k, unrated (G/T), gen)

What if, when Petunia Dursley found a little boy on her front doorstep, she took him in? Not into the cupboard under the stairs, not into a twisted childhood of tarnished worth and neglect—what if she took him in? Petunia was jealous, selfish and vicious. We will not pretend she wasn’t. She looked at that boy on her doorstep and thought about her Dudders, barely a month older than this boy. She looked at his eyes and her stomach turned over and over. (Severus Snape saved Harry’s life for his eyes. Let’s have Petunia save it despite them).

that’s only half the summary but yeah. SOLD. for all the >:|ing i do about dysfunctional families... i do also appreciate a good wholesome family fixit too!

& really i want to rec the entire boy with a scar series :)

a fic you were intrigued by from the summary The Worst Journey in the World by ignipes (4k, T, wolfstar)

January, 1987. Remus Lupin goes to Antarctica and talks to a penguin.

tell me you’re not intrigued!!!. again, reccing the whole series & especially the main fic Man-eaters of Kumaon!

---

favorite AO3 tag? heavy angst, probably lmfao. maybe 60% of the time — the rest is 30% “angst with a happy ending” and then 10% “get-together” haha. interestingly humor doesn’t even rank in my top AO3 tags: mine go marauders era / angst / fluff / canon divergence / first war / hurt-comfort / get-together / canon compliant / AU

---

most memorable fic ending? two come to mind:

straight plotty reasons: @wanderingbandurria’s Time moves in circles (and straight lines are just an invention) (19k, M, wolfstar) — it’s a hurt fest fic so obvs it’s gonna hurt, i was just not quite expecting - THAT.

and special mention to @squidgilator’s To Build a Home (29k, M, wolfstar) because i was a dumb and didn’t realize this was headed in the direction of a canon compliant first war ending & it gave me blue-screen-of-death for DAYS. STILL NOT OVER IT.

most memorable beginning?

Two Quaffles Pub by @thistlecatfics (cho/ginny, 8.8k, M)

“A woman dating another woman? That’s like playing Quidditch with two Quaffles and no Snitch.”

i think about this quote and cry-laugh the totally normal amount of roughly three times a week thankyou

---

what would your ideal written-for-you fic look like?

THE EASIEST question hahaha IT’S ALREADY WRITTEN — i want to scream forever about @tahtahfornow’s poppies in october (FIC REC FIC REC) — it’s a wolfstar ship manifesto but in fic form, not only hits all the technically canon compliant high notes perfectly but also so many of my own personal fic soft spots. literally how. i cannot believe this is actually a thing that already exists in this world and it and you are amazing ❤️ it’s my birthday later this month y’all go read this baby and scream about it with meeee

& now that that fic has basically Settled the Problem of Canon(TM) for me, the next thing i’d like to see is a canon divergence AU either a marauders (including peter) or black cousins vs the world — both the ministry AND the death eaters. something like this basically — give me alllll the morally grey found family revenge fic + bonus points for a rebuilding cherry on top!

[nctworststuff]

— 𖡼 ָ࣪ ﹆ׂׂ ⦂ Us? | Bestfriend!Jeno | Fluf, Angst, heartbreak warning

•°•°•°

It's been 4 years, 4 years you friend with Jeno, the best of best friend you ever have.

He always told you that he promised he will stay beside you no matter if you were in an up or down situation. And he isn't lying about that. Sometimes you feel the "more than friends" vibe

"Don't worry, you don't need to hide anything from me. I would gladly hear about it"

If the sky turns grey, he will fade it away and colours it with his sincere heart and that's what he does towards you. You love the fact that he always waiting for you everytime

When your shift is done, he doesn't forget to wait for you in front of your work place. Although it's raining, he still waiting for you. It's rare for him to not wait for you. Hey, don't forget to have a night walk with him, where the temperature feel so cold, and the vibe at this time is very safe and classic when you are with him

"Oh, I thought, you want to walk home alone?"

"I was just kidding idiot. I never leave you alone"

When you sleep beside him, he will carry you to your bed and whisper something to you. He will caress your head and you find him asleep beside you the next morning.

"Sweet dream. Remember that tomorrow is going better than today"

When you are on your period, you will have a mood swings and you don't need to tell him cuz he can guess it. He will spoil you alooottt.

You want to go to watch movies in the cinema? He is totally fine with it. You forgot to bring your money? Don't worry you don't need to care about it cuz he is with you. You want some snacks? Why he have to buy it if he already preparing to surprise you with it? You want a new phone? Umm maybe he will think twice again.

"What y/n want y/n gets''

"You have money to take her to the Maldive trip? I never know"

"Shut up Chenle"

When you crying or feel down, he will ask you about it, and he tries to calm you down and cuddle with you alllll day. Or maybe when he is rich af at that time, he will take you on a luxury vacation and not forget to go shopping. Cuz he promised you that he will be with you forever.

"Here is your coffee. Wanna tell about it?"

"Sure. Are you okay if I tell you?"

"Just tell me. Or else I do it by myself to found your problems"

Sometimes you have a love-hate friendship with him. Misunderstanding is the normal thing between you two. He sometimes feels jealous or sad when you spend all your time with another friend although of the same gender. Fighting? Oh yeah, the small things sometimes can be a big thing okay. For example, food. If you open a refrigerator and "accidentally" found chocolate or maybe something else that is his food, of course, you will eat it. Once Jeno found about it, you are in danger lol. Like, he not talking with you all day or maybe just ignore you?

"Hey talk to me. It's just a fucking cheesecake"

"Not until you buy back the cheesecake you eat yesterday"

You smile at the memory that is flashing in your mind

And now?

Now?

Now...

He is totally different from before you can tell?

He found someone. Yes, someone. Someone that people say "no one can replace her" and whatsoever. Jeno meets his girlfriend in the cafe shop and that's how she confess her feeling to Jeno and Jeno accept it. You are sad and disappointed about it. You just don't have an idea if it is called jealousy or maybe something else.

You almost crying when you found out about it. That's why he acts strangely all these days, cuz he found someone new. You found that you were mad at yourself and it's hurt you more when he keeps his distance from you. It's not like you can do the things with him like before

"Why do you keep your distance and acts like a stranger? Can't we just act normal like before?"

"Sorry y/n, my girlfriend told me to do that, she... She said that she was uncomfortable about it and jealous although if we just talking normal thing...sorry"

"Ohh...good"

Those feeling before you have, now you thought it's all fake. Fake. You feel betrayed. You know it's not his girl's fault but still, you can feel the scar.

When you make eye contact with him without purpose, you quickly avoid it. You now try to avoid meeting him.

When you meet him, you can feel the guilt in his eyes. Sometimes you realised his action that he wants to fix it again. You just ignore him. You try to ignore him but you cant. All you can do now is just to be a stranger. Yes. Stranger.

You feel regret and angry when you found out that you are actually in love with him. You just know all those feeling are called love. Tsk, how stupid are you? You are late. And he is late too.

Sad, disappointed, angry, betrayed, all in one

Now, you have to let him go because sometimes love to mean that we have to leave them and let them go to be happier. Whatever you go through, life is still going on.

Sometimes you meet him, but not talking too long, because you know your line especially when he with his girlfriend

You just have to wait. Wait to deserve someone else who can accept you. Accept your feelings

I'm sorry y/n. I try to find my feelings for you and try to confess them. But I'm too late and ended up with someone else. I'm not sure about the feelings and not sure if I regret my decision. I can feel your disappointment in your eyes when I meet yours. I'm sorry...

°•©nctworststuff

[izupie]

Ok so first, thank you for giving warmth to my cold sad existence by writing Hold Me (But I’m not scared). I swear you are like the only writer who's there to quench my Awamomo thirst *cries in rare pair*. Ah anyway, onto the actual ask sorry: Could you go through a few popular/your MHA ships (with some of your personal notes or sum if u want?) and give your opinion of the chance it has on becoming canon? (maybe use a percentage? idk). Bonus points for reasoning! I'm curious on your thoughts :)

Fiiiiinally sat at my laptop and can answer this! Sorry it took so long, anon!~

I am crying right there with you Nonnie. Rare pairs are so painful :):):) we crave content

I’m so happy you’ve been enjoying Hold Me! Ironically the Awamomo content was never supposed to take over the way it did, but I started writing Awase and I was like, Well now he’s my son and I love him and I want him to be happy.

I really hate to be the bearer of bad news though, but I’m afraid I’ve discontinued that fic - I’m sorry!! I no longer write for MHA ;; but in the spirit of how lovely you are to let me know that you enjoyed it so much - I’ll post my (extremely) rough notes for how it would have progressed and ended. I’ve only shared it over Discord with a few close friends, but they liked it, so I hope you like it too! I’m sorry it isn’t the fully written ending I wish I could give you ;; but hopefully this will give you some closure for it!

Hold Me (But I’m Not Afraid) Rough Notes

These notes are super rough, and I think it changes tenses sometimes? I throw punctuation and grammar out the window too lmao *finger guns* (please don’t judge me on my notes I am a messy planner)

I don’t really participate in MHA any more, since I kind of lost steam with it just before the season with the Big 3 (I forget what season that is) and some other reasons but here’s a post with a more nuanced explanation of that > here

I have ships in fandoms I’m not even in, so just because I’m not really into the source material and don’t participate in creating content any more, doesn’t mean I dislike the ships. I am a multi shipper simply because I love chemistry and character dynamics, and I am a hopeless romantic. So I can at least answer your question!

(This whole post is getting so long omg, I’m so sorry *wheeze*)

Anyway! An easy part of my answer first - I don’t think any ships will be made canon. I think he’s writing a typical shonen story that doesn’t give time to romance, so I think he’ll bait it, but I don’t think he’ll confirm anything. Smart move because this way you keep alllll the shippers on the line. Maaaaybe Izuocha will be confirmed? Because we’ve seen canon evidence of them both having feelings for each other, but I don’t think any emphasis will be placed on it if it is. Like I say, I think he considers it to be a shonen story and I don’t think he’ll write romance into it. If it’s made canon it’ll be like ‘and then they found out they have feelings for each other!’ and it’ll be a significant moment for like two seconds and then it’ll go back to the status quo anyway and it’ll feel like nothing has changed.

In terms of the ships I like: 

Izuocha (of course - because I like the fluff. I love the fluff. I LIVE FOR THE FLUFF. They just make me feel good and thinking about them is like the mental equivalent of wrapping myself in a warm fluffy blanket.)

Awamomo (because Awase in my headcanon is just the most awkward no-brain-to-mouth-filter idiot out there. Made up entirely of headbands and pining. Thinks he’s got a crush on someone wayyyy out of his league. Adorable. Did I mention the pining? Momo waves at him and a symphony plays in his head like SHE WAVED AT ME I LOVE HER)

Kacchako (‘but Izupie! You already said that you like Izuocha!’ *gestures broadly* muLTI sHipPInG~ anyway, yeah I love the grumpy character with the sunshine character that mellows them out but could also throw them down in a fight, isn’t scared of them, and together they make a power couple.) 

Kamijirou (because who doesn’t love the idiot with a heart of gold with someone stoic who kind of melts around them whether they want to or not. To be fair, this could also be canon??? It’s been hinted at, but it might just stay as shipper bait.)

Kirimina (can someone say idiots in love? Another dynamic I’m weak for. They both have energy that they can match to each other and it’s just so fun. Like, this ship is just Fun. Really gives me the Your Partner Is Also Your Best Friend vibe.)

These are the ones that have survived my distancing from the source material anyway. Just ships I love. And mostly based on fanon/my headcanons now that I think about it..... 

Sorry this got so long, but I hope you like my answer Anon! Thanks again for the message!!  

[crystu-cii]

OF COURSE!!!! I'd say you're hella close to it!!! Definitely closer than I am XDD 💖💞💝💕💝❤️💕💕❤️ A G R EED /hj XDD

Yeah ;w; oohh that sounds super interesting!! I can understand not pursuing a story tho, stories are d i f f icult-- XD fun, but difficult, and you need an attention span for them! (Why do you think I only write one page stories??)

OMS yessss that's so accurate tho-- like I haven't changed much if I'm being honest (I spend a LOT of time inside.. XD) awww-- I can understand that- in japan we didn't have a backyard, so I stopped going outside much at all-- occasionally I biked to convenience stores or walked to vending machines, that was cool, but no backyard :/ having no backyard sUCks, like where am I supposed to scream into the void?? INSIDE?? /j

OMS-- CRYS XDD what a Mood™ tho- "oh I'm gonna continue this thing!!" *does something else entirely*

XDD It was done Against My Will™ (get Against My Will on the album I Haven't Awoken Well Rested Since I Was A Child by the band The Bags Under My Eyes Aren't Makeup! XD) MOOD-- I spent the quarantine summer doing nothing but staying up until the sun rose and sleeping until it was at its peak- where did the time goooo

I AGREE HOW DARE HE- LIKE EXCUSE?? YOU TINY HEATHEN??? anyways now I'm trying to go back to squirting him with a squirt bottle to startle him(even tho he's a fan of water, the harsh spray startles him) but anyways thank you crysss I'm never getting a cat in my life now bc of this rude child (dogs are superior anyways /hj)

(and now time to reply to the OTHER ask cause I'm efficient and not going to send two separate asks to respond to things that can be responded to at the same time.. ....why did I even ramble about that wtf henry(huh I never refer to myself by name that felt weird))

Okay!! No worries dude, you can always take your time with replies, I just don't trust tumblr XD 💞❤️💕💝💝💖💕❤️💖 of course!!! Thank you!!! 💖💕💕💖💞💕

Oooh!!! That sounds super fun!!! Man I miss hanging out with my friends-- but my closest friend(lives in my neighborhood) has a parent who works in other people's houses, so high risk, and the rest live several hours away :)) but anyways yeah that sounds hella!!!! I love that y'all were just like "okay well. we're gonna hang out anyways." XDD

Aww-- I'm glad you are!! My brother and his bf were supposed to come but I think we have to postpone that cause someone in his workplace tested positive for covid :( YESS FOODDDD-- oooh cheesecake?? I've never heard of having it on Thanksgiving!! Usually we have pumpkin, cherry, apple, and pecan pies!! (We're having pumpkin and cherry ones this yeah!! Two pumpkin pies, a cherry pie, and a cherry cobbler--) I... Have never heard of pineapple pie in my life! Sounds like it would make pineapple-on-pizza haters burst into tears tho--

YOURE WHAT-- CRYS YOU HEATHEN IT IS NOVEMBER!!!!! /j I can't stand Christmas music, being a choir student made me not be a huge fan of it-- too much Christmas music.. ugh. (Straight no chaser is tolerable at least. And Pentatonix. And covers by artists I like. But if I have to hear Jingle Bells ONE MORE TIME--) YESSS BESTOW UPON ME THOU'S PRESENCE AND PRESENTS... Ooh nice!! Pfft XDD Yess- I have multiple on my wishlist-- mostly for the switch-- OMS I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T ASK FOR THSC-- MAYBE IM THE HEATHEN--

Okay, it's January 5th! Literally not even two weeks after Christmas-- Feel free to scream happy birthday at me :3 XDD now I'm curious, what's yours?

awhhh thank you ;w;; 💕💞💕💞💞💕💞

and legiT- and omg- also what i do a lot is thinking i have a story all in control but then i realise that i only focused on the main parts and nOT the transitions and all that shit and then i end up last minute thinking them- XDD and ngl one page stories sound SOO much better- imo- not just for writing- but for reading as well- whenever i go to see a fanfic I always read the ones that has one chapter- dunno how to fully explain it- possibly cause its satisfying to see a story actually have its end other than a long lasting series that will never end- XDD oneshots are my FUEL

buT WoW omg this topic has now made me realise how i barely go outside- XDD i wish there would be other thingd around my neighborhood other than a "park" that has DEAD GRASS and the sprinklers go off like every hour for some reason- duNNo what the builders were thinking but i guess i dont mind- i stay in my house a whOLELE lot xD

and YESS IT GETS ME EVERYTIME- "hey lets draw-" *-WRITES-* XDD AND ABHAHAHAHA (NOW ON YOUR LOCAL MUSIC STORES- XDDDD) and omG MEEE- the times i would usually sleep would be around 3 am to 6 am- ironically my mom has a more screwed up schedule than i do- and SHE STILL HAS- last night she told me that she hasnt slept in 48 HOURSSS- MaMAAA PLEASE SLEEP

GO AWAY CAT HEATHEN- XD and omG a squirt bottle of water yes XDD and awh i definitely understand now how youll not get a cat- sounds like a hecka pain ;0;; i never even had a pet before (or not that i would recall- oh wait i think i had fish but i have an embarrassing story that made my mom ban fish from the household- OH MAN the shame)

and yeahh oh man- i hope you are okay with all these topics XDD and thank you!! 💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞

awwhh i see- i wish you can hang out with your friends without it being too risky! that reminds me of that one time where my friend said "hey so uh you guys can hang out at my house since at my parent's workplace someone was positive for covid" and then immeadiately after they were like "SO WE NEED TO GO TO ONE OF YOUR GUYS' HOUSE" and Im LIKE- UH- NOO??? nOt AfTEr you just say THAT- nuh uh- thankfully we didnt hang out that day- better safe than sorry xD

and omggg those pies sound AWWESOMEEEE- i always wanted to try pumpkin pie before but when i asked my mom that she was like "nO iTS diSGusTing" and im like "*visible confusion*" and lOwKEY SAME- pineapple pie just sounds a bit off but my mom was really hyped to make it xD i'd actually say its not that bad! but im still not a fan of pineapple so uhhh xD (aNd YEAH IT DOES feel like it would make those haters cry-- XDD)

and PFHAOHFA IM A LIVING HEATHEN- XDD omg at this time of year- it gets CRAZYY for me- first off- Tree is a true filipino- right when it was the first day october- youd hear them say "FUCK HALLOWEEN"(and id just whine to them like "BUT HALLOWENENENEN") and then their family set up a whole christmas tree and over-the-top decorations- and omg- if you hate christmas music- you would despise the philippines sO MUCH- when the FIRST day of SEPTEMBER hits- CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON ALLLLL THE STORES- it will drive you WILDDD ( yeah its actually a normal filipino thing- not that i ever went to the philippines myself at tHAT time of year- but my friends and family tell me all about it- filipinos are the true christmas maniacs XDDD)

and awhhh choir must be a pain ;0;;; that would remind me how on one concert- the beginners class of choir screamed on purpose even though they werent supposed to- the teacher got so pissed XDDD and YESSS PRESENTSSSS- and awh man- i actually dont own ANY consoles at all- so the only things i can ask for is steam games- last year for christmas i got just shapes and beats- which was WORTHHH

and oo YAY- now i shall mark that on my calander- XD and mine is february 7!

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

#2

I took 100 around 5ish cause my grandma came over and I thought I seemed off cause I wasn't being as bubbly as usual. It did help some. I wanted more but it was purely for that purpose and i didn't want to risk them noticing I was high. I also talked out an ongoing problem between me and my best friend. It was really good actually. But we did touch on some shit with differences between how she treats me now and how she was before and it's got me feeling. Hurt. Ngl. Really hurt. So to avoid crying the whole night I'm going to be taking 300-400 so I have a harder time thinking on it

AFTERMATH

I ended up taking 350. Well. 350 cause I'm not counting the 100 I took earlier in the day. That was for the most part nonexistent by the time I got to taking the bulk of it. I was planning on keeping to the lowest amount possible so I started with 150 and took 100 more as I thought it was needed. Though uh. I ended up crying anyway so plan didn't work out amazingly. Just like.. I hate that while her and her girlfriend are happy and they got what they wanted I'm still longing for something I can't have you know? I'm sure she doesn't even miss the days of us talking 24/7 cause she can just fill that with her partner but me? I can't. It's never as fun with anyone else.

Uh. Well I think that should go into notes but. Whatever that's there now lol

Right now I'm feeling kinda lightheaded and loose. I feel like I'm just like. Flopping over the place. And I'm tired. Not super tired but. I could definitely stay in bed all day if I really wanted to. My heart's been a little sore these last few days too actually. It was a lot worse yesterday before I started taking more but now it's not that bad. It's like.. semi hurting now but not really. And uh I dunno how to explain it but like. I feel like it's not like it ain't even beating really. Not to say it should be pounding or anything. I know that ain't great either. But I can't feel it at alllll. I wonder if that means something

Talking is kinda hard. The wittier part of my speaking is lowkey gone for the moment. Everything is a little slower mentally so by the time I think of something it's already onto the next thing. Ig? Prolly not the best description

I am real sleepy and I feel kinda out of it. I'm sure its cause of the jump from my max doses being like 200 lately and just skipping straight to 350. That and I drunk a monster with it so.. doesn't help lmao. I'm gonna be resisting the urge for more for the time being cause this state is really annoying and I don't want to risk going back to sleeping all day and only waking up for more pills

This is a afterthought I wrote the aftermath at around 2ish and it's now 6. I'm still pretty okay with not getting high tonight as the stress of thinking about all that mess and crying had triggered some depersonalization. Well. I call it brain fog.

It's not uncommon for me tbh. Even before I got back to benadryl I did this. Ig it's just my brains way of keeping me from stressing/crying endlessly on shit that won't change. I mean... it works. I can't really think period when I'm like this. I don't know how to describe it.

It's like I'm here in person and I know how to get through all the basic shit I do in a day, but me as a person isn't there. Like. Most conversations I'll have I will pretty much parrot things I'd usually say in that situation. Though it's really hard once it goes outside of shit I've already said or heard about in the past cause thinking up specific responses is really difficult. It takes me a lot longer and requires a lot of focus. So usually I just avoid speaking where I can when I'm like this.

But that being said me being basically a shell of myself for the moment I don't think it'd be a good idea to mix a deliriant into it. I don't hallucinate when I'm on it or anything but it does make thinking harder. So it really wouldn't make any sense to mix my already barely thinking brain with pills that also make it hard to think.

It's been okay today. The brain fog has stopped me from being so upset about how things worked out and my perception of time is gone so today has been breezing by. I kinda want to take a nap tho

NOTES/EMOTIONAL SHIT

Lots of shit just happened all at once. Stepped in dog piss soon as I woke up and discovered that she also shit right next to my bed. This ofc wss after barely getting any sleep. And I also have 4 first degree burns on my lip so that's fun. This is on top of me catching my fucking shirt on fire yesterday. I already wanted to bury myself and cry

It really didn't help that we had company today. I just wanted to get high and sleep but I had to pretend like I was happy and excited. Which led me to take that first dose

Uh now it is. Semi better. I was having some issue with my bsf feeling distant lately but we talked it out and it feels like a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm glad me and her were able to get everything out without it being an argument. It's a real rarity sometimes you know? I feel like for most it has to hit the fan where talking about it is unavoidable and I guess it semi did. But I dunno like. We just casually were talking about stuff and it made me feel really happy.

But even with that being said it did come up how she treats me vs how she did. And she did bring uo that her girlfriend wasn't comfortable with how we were before and it's like. A flip switched for her. I dunno if she says it cause she know she's supposed to or if she means it but either way. It stings a lot. On one hand I'm really happy that she's so upfront and blunt about it now. It makes things a lot less confusing. It still kinda is but. Nowhere near as much. And I love that she just lays it out instead of like. Hopscotching over it like I feel like everyone else does. But seeing how different she treats me and how vocal she is about her girlfriend now being her first choice over me just. Really hurts. I dunno how to word it so she doesn't sound like an ass. Cause she's in the right entirely. And I'm glad as long as she's glad I prefer that she just makes thing black and white as possible. But it just. Really sucks that I got dropped just like that. And I'm sitting here feeling the same way I have for a... looong time now while she's completely moved on from it and calls her girlfriend her wife

It makes me feel really bitter towards her at times. Cause on one hand, its really frustrating that she had to tell her girlfriend that she'd treat her like she treated me. So she KNOWS it was good and she knows we had fun and she's just. That part of our friendship is just gone now for me. I hate it. It makes me so angry. Why couldn't I be enough you know? And why did i get the short end of the stick? Theyre both happy now and im stuck here holding back tears just reminiscing on the past. And it makes me even more frustrated that im just. On my own on that stuff. I can't talk to her about it and I really don't want anyone else in that way. The thought of replacing her is. Nonexistent.

Yeah uh. I dunno. I won't tell her any of this cause she feels guilty enough for retracting her feelings for me after I've already fell for her and shit but. It just. I wish things were different. I want her to be happy but I wish I could be happy as a result of it too. And I feel so horrible at times. There's days i get so jealous I wish that her girlfriend would just. Evaporate. I just want things to be back to how they were. I miss it so much.

There's this small hope that me showing that I won't like. Hate her for this and I continue being just as good of a friend to her as I always have, maybe if someday things don't work out she'll see me. But then it makes me wonder. Am I okay being her second choice? Is that really being the second choice anyway? But I feel bad for even thinking that. I want her to be happy and I know if things go wrong between her and her girlfriend she's gonna be crushed.

i just hate that thought things were mutual and she said it wss. Then completely flipped the script and left me here on my own. This is my very first love and it's just. Wild. That I'm navigating it on my own. And I feel stupid honestly. I've only been on one relationship in my life and I thought that was love cause I was so tore up about it for so long. Tho as i got older i saw more and more that our relationship was nothing but me being emotional support for him. But now that I'm seeing what it actually is I just. I hate it. It felt. Magical. When I thought things would work out in the way I thought it would. But as more and more time goes on I feel like I'm golfing onto something that doeent exist anymore and it makes me feel like an idiot. Why do I keep misreading things this hard? Why am i always left on my own by then end of it? And it makes me not want this sort of thing period. I couldn't imagine how badly I'd hurr off of losing someone that actually did love me in that way but loses the feelings within the relationship. I don't want to experience anything near this hurt again. It's so confusing and I feel so lost

Sigh. I swear. Whenever this whole love shit comes up I ramble so much. It's never fully satisfying. I always feel like I'm not expressing things correctly and it frustrates me so much. I just want to cry and go to sleep. And atp. I'm tired of writing about it. I just don't want to think anymore.

[izzy-b-hands]

More talent show ideas

How blatant could Izzy go with his performance of I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace by directing it at Stede ya think? Like, bear in mind this includes that he hasn't actually paid that much attention to the lyrics because literally mid chorus it talks about love but by the time Izzy gets to his performances (which I imagine Ed did a cute little pout to get him to agree to otherwise he'd have locked himself in any room of the ship to get away) I see him as also fairly drunk and not having chosen his songs till right that moment, so he just sees 'hate' and is like oh fuck u Stede this song is perfect

I imagine it leaves Stede a little confused. Because I'm talking like, if Izzy wasn't drunk, this would be a decent passionate performance. But if he wasn't drunk, he wouldn't be up there at all, so there's the rub. So Izzy is in his face with these lyrics, head banging and thrashing around the room, and so goddamn mad and not fully in great control of his body tbh at that moment, and it's. A lot.

Because he is listening to the lyrics as Izzy enunciates clearly enough now and again, and is giving Ed looks like he's damn near in my lap and seems mad but then it seems like a frustrated lover from the song perspective??? Maybe a break up??? What pirate code is this help????!

And Ed I think has gotta be somewhere between oh Izzy bud no to oh god may the floor swallow us all now to I think he's gonna trip and fall so I should wrangle him now. Maybe all of these things at once tbh.

So Stede gets no answers because Ed jumps up to cue polite slightly concerned applause and wrangle Izzy back to sit by them (if he gets put to bed he might not wake up in a state like that, and they're used to babysitting each other and other pirates to make sure they're safe to sleep)

And like. Stede can't ask them then. Izzy is drunk and sad and angry all at once and glaring at him and Ed looks ready for bed and it feels like the night is going horrible, he had another stupid idea, of course he did-

At which point he realizes that they aren't stopping the show like he thought everyone would, using Izzy as an excuse to get it over with. But they aren't. Now that Izzy is taken care of they're setting up for the next person, laughing, smiling. Pouring each other drinks and being merry!!

Stede's got that happy proud dad look on, which helps him ignore Izzy holding his hand and crying. Not that he'd call attention to it anyway, Izzy isn't aware enough to spar verbally with him now and so there would be no victory to ask wtf his problem was now and did he really need to keep taking it out on one of his captains of all people?

And THAT is what ends the talent show, because Stede has also been in his cups and now realizes he's said alllll of that last bit out loud! And the room is very small and hot and even Ed is wincing.

The second one goes much better, honestly. Ed says they just needed to work out the kinks in the show, and now they could very well take it on tour!

And that helps Stede fall back to thinking maybe it wasn't his worst idea after all.

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

I got a reading done. I wanted to know why did I fall in love with Jay and why did they abuse me and neglect me that way, on and off for 2yrs

while they was engaged...all I gave her was their government name before even identifying as Jay or transitioning to Jaiden.

Everything was right about Jay being focused on career and finances cause they wanna save up and rent or buy a house with Ayunna so they can start a family. That's true.

The last part where she says it wasn't intentional to hurt me...I think she read it from Jay's side. Where from my side, it looks like she knew what she was doing and was going for the reaction she was looking for. You don't use your friends for sex and bdsm podiums to do shit without consent sometimes when you get drunk. Nor do you ignore aftercare after shut like that, as if I was asking for too much.

My thing is, if Jay loved me too...liked the reader said "Why did she do alllll that shit to me....but you treated your wife nicer and better than me. She even joined in on you torturing me, cause yall were both sadists. She got off on you yelling at me and calling me an asshole. When really you were being the asshole that night, getting into my face.

I know what they did was wrong and they knew that and still kept going as long as said yes and hid my pain from them. Cause everytime I was the one to start confronting them, they would cut off our conversations so disrespectful, and ignore that there even is a problem with our relationship....and then a few times blocked me just because they didn't like what I had to say.

See, the reader couldn't pick up on that because Jay doesn't believe that they are an abuser who completely denied ever being in love with me.

They would say, "I love everything about you, I'm just not 'in love with you."

"We're like wolves, but you're not my mate. I love Ayunna"

"I care about Ky, but I love you Ayunna and I'm going make you my wife, the mother of my children. All it is with Ky is lust." And she said this last one so loving and so dear as she looked into Ayunnas eyes, even to ignore that I was there sitting right next to them on the couch. I've never wanted to fight and to cry my whole life. I sipped 4 beers that night because of it. Holding in my pain like normal, because it showed me right there that Jay doesn't in fact care about me, not ever did they feel the same way.

Cause why would you have said that to her like that, right in front of my face, after I said I love you like 3wks ago....and then had the balls to want a kiss from me right after your wife and mother of your child, left out of the room???

Like wtfff.

Then the reader says Jay has mental and emotional insecurities and instabilities which is why they behave this way. Which is so fucking true. You have multiple personality disorder or dissociative identity disorder, all year round depression that you take meds for because you don't naturally make as much serotonin, you have multiple accounts of abuse trauma from different people....exes and family included (which was all 5 forms of abuse), you're a sadist, a sociopath, a controlling narcissist like your mother, you have a drinking problem, and you get insomnia from time to time, dysphoria, ADD, Codependent, Anxiety, PTSD, and you've self harmed before because you're a masochist.

And all of the reasons why I left were you hurt me multiple times, on and off neglected me and blocked me as punishment, you seemed to care more about me being your bdsm sex slave pet, than me actually being treated like a fucking friend, while I shut my trap, afraid you would leave me again and I learned that no matter how much of a good friend I was to you, gave you things I shouldn't, my body,, my face....you didn't care about any of that.. just as long as I came when you said come over and whatever I wanted and needed...didn't fucking matter.

In fact, I went as far to go date other people to get my emotional and sexual needs met because you were not satisfying me as a friend, a lover, and intimate partner. Actually, the no intimacy part is pretty much why I stopped really talking to you about how I felt..

BECAUSE YOU DONT CAREEEEE TO LISTENNNNN

You never respected me or even cared about how my emotions and my mental health were impacted by you. I told you I was feeling suicidal and depressed after you blocked me and left me for the 2nd time just because I was starting to date this girl, but I said I was in love with you....but you didn't want a commitment with me. You got upset all because I called ayunna an ice queen and blocked me.

And all you said in response to me was "alright" as if me being suicidal was not crucial enough for you to understand. Nor did it fucking matter to you as long as it wasn't you,huh?

Then when I actually decided to leave you for good and texted both you and Ayunna and said I've been jealous and depressed from this relationship and I need to go.

All You said was "you got problems" and later on blocked me. As if you closed the door right behind me.

I never wanna speak to you again. And don't care if you loved me or not. You treated me worse than my own mother, at least she had the decency to say I'm sorry and wanted us to work our relationship out.

Jocelyn, not once have you ever said I'm sorry for blocking you, leaving you for months, and coming back again to act like nothing happened and making me just drop it so you didn't have to tell your side about why you left me repeatedly. Never saying sorry I hurt your feelings. Never admitting that you were the one who was wrong and all that shit you flipped on me as my fault was utter bullshit.

I left so that the cycle would die, never to repeat again. And you would go away and live your life with Ms. Ugly and her bullshitty ass controlling rules, and her blatant, but true prudeness. While you still emotionally cheat on her through other females, because she's too stupid and codependent to say "hey I don't like sharing you jay" but instead she plots petty, passive aggressive shits to manipulate you into thinking I was the bad guy and deserves to be hated, disrespected, and neglected. And she had a ball seeing the girl who was prettier than her, get treated like trash.

Literally cause both you are and look like trash. Inside and out. Fucking fuckbois with vaginas. Get the fuck out of my face and go back to your dungeons.

I don't care how much baggage you have, for you to even feel the same way as I do for you and then for you to lie consistently to me and your soon to be wife...cause it's been 2yrs and yall still not officially Married??

You're a shitty husband. And you made me believe it was my fault the entire time. No, it was you Jay. You used me for money, alcohol, and a friend to talk to when you felt suicidal and didn't feel like hearing your wife judge you for being sad and depressed. What type of chubby wife is that? She judges you and makes it worse, and tried to force you to just be happy? And you actually have a mental illness 🤒

She sounds slow, annoying, rude, jealous, and stuck up her own ass, thinks she's a know it all, but she's really not. In fact she's enabling you to keep cheating on her and to give you that time to release your anger on other girls cause she likes that you remind us that she's your wife....even though you're not loyal and she doesn't even brag about you on her page.

You're the only one in the relationship being a cheerleader for your own relationship. She's a monster and you're a monster. And if that bitch wanna talk about "take responsibility and own up to your actions" I'll remind her of the stuff she never owned up. Tried to use me for her own personal sex toy too, just because you were starting to feel distant from working at the factory.

Which is the same factory my dad works at. I hope he sees your face and scares the fuck out you every time you see him. Cause you already know what he looks like....