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missyandthemisfits · 1 year ago

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Tokyo Rev X Apathetic!GNReader

Part I of Who The Fuck Really Knows

Manjiro ‘Mikey’ Sano

He’s a weird one so he is absolutely overjoyed to find you’re generally lacking in enthusiasm, even in the face of what appears to be great danger.

See, it was raining and Mikey was speeding on his bike and cut a corner insanely fast without slowing down at all, eyes widening as his headlights spotted you suddenly in the darkness. He maneuvers past you in the nick of time but manages to flip his bike – luckily there wasn’t any serious damage, just some scratches here and there, to him and the bike.

“You alright?” suddenly you were kneeling over his blinking form but he’s still deciphering in his mind what happened. He sits up with ease and glances over your form to make sure you were okay. To his surprise, you blinked back at him, face devoid of any trace of panic or worry. He leaned in a bit.

“I’m alright…you weren’t scared?” You glance at the ground for a bit, humming to yourself.

“…Yea, kind of.”

“Kind of?” He parrots before bursting out in laughter, doubling over. You wait patiently for him to finish and he smiles at you.

“What’s funny?”

“You! I like you, what’s your name?”

He’s hooked on you like a drug from then on, incredibly entertained by your presence. No one quite understands the connection, not even Draken, but they accept it nonetheless.

He develops significant feelings pretty early on but he doesn’t really realize those feelings until his entire mood sours at the sight of some rando from Division 2 flirting with you. His brow furrows, his eyes narrow, and his jaw tightens.

He saunters over, hands in his pockets with a dangerous smile playing on his lips, calling out the squad member’s entire name to get their attention. They glance over before standing in attention for Mikey, who grants the boy a close-eyed smile this time.

“Beat it.”

You had never seen anyone take off so fast and you and Mikey watch until he’s out of sight. He turns to you with one of his genuine smiles, excited again but you raise a brow.

“Is something wrong, Mikey? You feeling okay?”

“I am now.” He grabs you hand and tugs gently, grin widening at your blushing face, “C’mon, let’s go get ice cream!”

“Isn’t it still Winter?”

“I don’t see your point, (Name).”

Ken ‘Draken’ Ryuguji

Does he think it’s weird? Maybe a little.

Does it stop him from being a gentleman? Absolutely not.

He met you in Primary School. You were drawing food in the sand with a stick and what he assumed was a bored expression. He had nothing better to do honestly, so he approached you, hand on his hip.

“Hey.” You looked up, blinking with a nod.

“Hey.” You kept eye contact for moment longer then returned your gaze to the ground. His sweat-dropped.

“Uh…what are you doing?” he tried again.

“Drawing eggs to go with the bacon.”

“Uh-huh…” Another moment went by. “Are you lonely or something?” You shook your head immediately.

“No. I don’t really get lonely a lot. I actually prefer it like this...” You paused, “You’re okay though.”

“Um-,” he found himself blushing a bit, “Thanks, I guess?”

And you were friends from then on.

You had many girls try and fail to bully you throughout the years he noticed, but you never really responded how they expected, ultimately scaring them off. It was kind of impressive honestly, he’d never seen someone get scared off by well…complete disregard. Well, that some stupid rumor that you were some kind of witch.

He’d gotten to know you pretty well though, noticing the subtle changes in your nearly absent mood gradually over the years. He inserted the quarter into the machine, grabbing a Strawberry milk for himself and your signature coffee. Making his way over to the bench, he handed you the beverage before flopping back into his seat beside you, arms slung over the back of it as he peered at you fidgeting fingers.

“Tell me what’s bugging you, (Name). Doesn’t do you any good to hide it, you know that.”

You gripped your drink tighter, eyes burning and threatening to spill fresh tears.

How did he always know?

Takashi Mitsuya

Knows you have a hard time not only expressing your emotions but feeling them in what society feels is a “normal capacity” – and couldn’t give a shit about what everyone else had to say about it. You were his dear friend, more than that honestly, but he hadn’t exactly gotten around to confessing-

He’d be lying if he said his nerves didn’t play a part, but he wasn’t scared really. More like…he didn’t want to ruin the dynamic if you didn’t feel the same way. He’d be there for you regardless but the last thing he wanted to do was scare you off or make things awkward.

It didn’t exactly help that you were in the same class as him, just a few seats away.

You had gotten acquainted through cleaning duty of all things, him being placed on it for being tardy, you being placed on duty because you’d forgotten you homework assignment at home. It was a weeklong punishment but honestly, he wished it had been longer.

“Kinda sucks we got this gig, huh?” he started with a smile, you blinked over with a shrug.

“Not really. I kind of like cleaning.” He glances back a forth from the desk to your face. You almost sounded sarcastic but he had a feeling you meant what you said, that the tone he registered was just your normal speaking voice.

“Oh yeah? There a reason for that?” He attempted to gauge your reaction to him making conversation and as far as he could tell, you didn’t seem to mind. You nodded.

“My family… isn’t home very often. Doesn’t take that long to do homework, so…I cook and clean a lot. Reading is fun too. Like an escape...” He stopped his movements completely and gave you a sincere look.

“I’m sorry.” You shook your head this time.

“No, it’s alright. I know you didn’t mean to offend. It’s just life, ya know?” You granted him a rare, soft smile - the first one he’d seen from you all semester. Honestly it made his heart skip a beat just to see it, determined from then on to try and make you smile more often. And he’d done a pretty decent job of that he thought.

Sighing, gathering his courage and his keys, he made his way out the front door. He gripped his phone in his pocket before slipping it out and dialing.

“Hey (Name), you busy? I know it’s getting late but would you mind meeting me outside your apartment building? There’s…something I feel you should know.”

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo rev x you #mikey headcanon #mikey x reader #manjiro x y/n #sano manjiro #draken x reader #ken ryuguji #Up for interpretation but Draken’s is more angst cause name totally knows about his feelings for Emma-#mitsuya x reader #mitsuya takashi #pics not mine

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hurlumerlu · 2 months ago

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Hello, hope it's okay to ask - regarding your Sand post, was the thing you were referring to the fact that he passed along the BostonTop (at that point) revenge porn after stealing it from Nick?

Also could you tell me - and this is a genuine question - what you are referring to regarding him being a raging bitch? I am sorry that i have to even ask. I very much remember that after initially watching the show up to ep3 I considered everyone without exception in the show to be a rather awful person. But I have since fallen so massively in love with Sand that I am apparently 100% supporting all his gay rights and gay wrongs to the point that I will not even remember him ever having done anything wrong ever in his life besides the revenge porn shit. (That being said I also am of the opinion that some of the behaviour of people in OF can be judged differently when seen in their direct context and overall see it as a show about deeply flawed people. But honestly at this point I will straight up believe that I have become a Sand apologist to the point that i might be blind to other shit he pulled.)

Hey! Entirely okay to ask, and you have nothing to be sorry for X) On the contrary, I love getting asks and excuses to talk about my little shows. Full disclosure, I am absolutely not the best person to go to for a list of Sand's wrongs. In some aspects - not the raging bitch part, to be clear - he reminds me of my wife when I met her, and that will give any character a serious number of get out of jail free cards. When I call him a raging bitch it is 1. because both Top and Boston have good reasons to think of him that way 2. with deep love and affection and 3. because I need the reminder, sometimes. I would also argue, without a hint of sarcasm, that Ray is the least red flag of the main 6, so like. always always take my assessment of fictional characters with a grain of salt.

It does feel a little weird to double down on my use of the word "bitch", because I do not like it and almost never use it, but I think the connotations it carries are appropriate in the context of Sand's flaws (or some of them). I was mostly referring to the stealing and passing along of the sextape, yeah! To me it is the most cruel act committed by a member of the core cast (so not counting, say, Atom or Gap), especially since it was fully premeditated (unlike Nick who premeditated the awful invasion of privacy but didn't expect to get his hands on a full-on sextape) and since it is mainly Sand's fault that the sextape got out at all (Nick shared it with him but showed no sign of wanting anyone to get their hands on it). And while Mew threatened to share another sextape in an insane self-righteous vengeful power trip... Sand is the one who, you know. Actually did that.

Then there's the fact that he used Ray to do so. His motivations for that choice aren't spelled out to us, and I personally don't think he was trying to hurt Ray, exactly. I think he was trying to prove that he wasn't desperately in love with him at this point - a sort of "I don't love you, see: I can use you." I don't think he expected Ray to care that deeply and be so morally conflicted, but even that tells us that he wasn't being fair in his assessment of Ray's character at all. As a slight aside, even though he couldn't have predicted Ray's self destructive spiral - and Ray doesn't necessarily need anyone's help to start one - he still pushed him into it... which is why I was so fucking taken aback when I checked the ofts tag and saw so many people saying stuff like "wow, Ray calls you a whore and you still play nurse for him after his accident? get up man" because like yeah, Sand has no spine when it comes to Ray, but also he feels responsible? He thinks he's partially at fault and he's honestly not wrong? Why are we acting like Ray flew off the handle for no reason? Did the scene where Sand sees the seat belt bruise and falters, and Ray is actually the one subtly checking on him, kick only me in the face? alright then.

And the kicker is that I personally don't think Sand ever feels bad for leaking the recording. Don't get me wrong, he feels bad for hurting Ray, and for hurting Nick, but we never ever see him reflect on the hurt he caused Boston or Top (he does tell Nick he's sorry, but immediately follows it with "Boston is an asshole anyway, why do you care", which does not read as willingness to examine his actions, to me). In his mind, they're the dicks, even at the end. And I love that! I love how self-righteous the little fucker is. He was hurt and he retaliated, like they pretty much all (Nick, Boston, Ray, Mew, Atom, Chueam...) do at some point. That's the story. They hurt each other and they learn from some of their mistakes and in my opinion the show do not judge them for making those, and leave them space to grow. Like you said here in the notes, ofts is about a bunch of flawed people! It would be boring if it was just "all those messy people and Sand, the reasonable one" (though Sand would love to learn that some see it that way, and would agree).

So yeah, the moment where he looks at his phone, drops it on the ground with a sigh and fucking stomps on it is enough for me to bestow the title of raging bitch upon him. Insane choice in and out of universe. But! since my role today is apparently to get Sand condemned by the jury, let me list some of his worst qualities:

as mentioned, he's self-righteous and judgemental. It's easy to forget, because he can also be very forgiving at times, especially with Ray, but calling the drunk in the men's bathroom "people's burden", out loud, just because the guy didn't react gratefully to your concern, is just so demeaning and rude? Ray is so incredibly obnoxious later at Sand's appartment that's is easy to think he had it coming, but Sand is the one who went from zero to sixty at the drop of a hat. (he also tells Mew that Ray was the one starting this fight, and like... I beg to differ). And it's not like that's the only disparaging comment he makes about Ray. Some of it is meant to tease, some of it... isn't, but I think what matters most is how it lands, and they don't all land well. A sentiment I've seen a lot in the fandom is that Mew's scolding is the bad type while Sand's scolding is the good type, but I don't agree. I think they often say the same stuff, or stuff that could have the same impact, and that Ray partially craves (proof they care) and is hurt by it in both cases. I also think it's somewhat unfair to Mew, but this is a post about Sand.

this is deeply intertwined with point 1, but boy does he have a temper. Early show Sand will see a situation, asks "anyone wants to escalate that?" and not wait for an answer. To be entirely fair this changes very fast after he develops feelings for Ray, at which point if Ray is involved in the situation Sand does attempt to desescalate and/or just leave the scene (with Ray if he's not the one fighting with, without him if he is) but if Ray's not present? You're shit out of luck. Baseball bat Sand may have only lived in the pilot trailer, but he was perched on actual Sand's shoulder for a good half of the story.

also linked to point 1: his hypocrisy. He made such a big deal of Top "stealing his boyfriend", even though we don't even know if Boeing cheated on him with Top or simply broke up with him for Top (which like, sucks and will break your heart, but also people do fall out of love and there isn't necessarily a guilty party) only to make out with Ray behind Mew's back and later confess his willingness to be Ray's "secret lover" unless he finds someone better (he says he feels bad for Mew. he says "we should stop". but does he? do they?). And I want to give credit where credit is due, Sand did try to leave the first situation, but it wasn't so much out of consideration for Mew or some nebulous idea of doing the right thing than it was about his own self-image and hurt pride at being second choice. And he got even over that, in the river scene, as long as he could save face by pretending he wouldn't wait for Ray if a better opportunity came along. The fact that these two's beautiful, incredibly tender lovemaking scene happens before Ray breaks up with Mew isn't a innocent choice! Sand has a pretty strict idea of what a good person is, and he wants to be one, mostly thinks he is one ("do you think I'm a man with no dignity") but he is as failible and driven by his wants as the others, especially when it comes to love.

as a result of the first three points, his capacity for holding himself accountable and offering proper apologies vary greatly. Ray is actually a hundred times better at it than Sand, I will die on this hill, but this post isn't about Ray either. I don't remember him vocally apologizing for putting Ray in an awfull position by giving him the tape (which would require admitting either that he knew it would hurt Ray and did it on purpose or that he didn't take Ray's feelings into account at all) and while he does apologize to Nick it is, I've already argued, quite half-baked. I don't think he aplogize to anyone else for that? And like, I know he can do it. His apology for making Ray feel insecure about Boeing is very sweet and mature even though he did nothing wrong, so I interpret it as him often chosing not to apologize, either because of his aforementioned self-righteousness or because that would require him eating some crow and he doesn't like that.

he's just kind of bitchy sometimes! He's sarcastic, he's a nag and he loves to complain, and have we forgotten "Someone who was exactly my type dumped me for someone else"? I'm not saying Boeing didn't deserve that, I'm saying it's a bitchy retort. I just know one of the reason these two got along was because they judged people together a lot. I just know it. It goes hand in hand with his reluctance to be vulnerable and honest about his feelings: while this particular character flaw does not one a raging bitch make, Sand tends to deflect with offhandedly disparaging comments or an insistance that he doesn't care, and while it's not purposefully hurtful, it can be quite thoughtless, and does him more harm than good in the long run.

So yeah, here's my list of Sand's most bitchy characters flaws. I find them really endearing, tbqh. Some of them ensure that Sand belongs in the story and with the others characters, others serve to make his relationship with Ray even more touching to me. His devotion would be one thing if he was this angel of forgiveness and patience the fandom often paints him as, but he's a quick-tempered judgemental ass, and he still loves Ray (a guy who doesn't see himself as truly lovable, considered a handful by everyone around him) with breathtaking ease and steadfastness, no effort required (he in fact put some considerable efforts into not loving him, to no avail). Sand doesn't love Ray in spite of, he doesn't love Ray as some sort of cosmic trial to reach sainthood, he simply loves Ray, period. And idk, that means a lot to me. This show, weirdly, means a lot to me.

#and to be clear: i also think sand is an incredibly kind and caring person who genuinely wants to do and be good and often succeeds!#it's just that he's all that and also a dick #i love him so dearly #there we go! i would say sorry for the word-vomit but you *did* ask for my opinion on a beloved character so that was really to be expected #thank you for giving me an excuse to gush about him (because make no mistakes: that is what this post does)#and also to be more critical of him because i *cannot* seem to be able to do so in fanfic.#i always end up way kinder to him that i initially want to be when i write him lol #i am as sandmatized as the best of them #only friends the series

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oyeixcher · 9 months ago

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Every SandRay Scene (56 ¦ ??)

N: ["I headed back to town. I didn't want to interrupt your love. Don't waste the romantic scenery."] ... R: "So Nick went back because of me?" S: "Glad you realised that." R: "I am thick-skinned. I don't care." S: "Tell me, Ray. Doesn't Mew know about us?" R: "He does. Just not the whole story." S: "What did he say?" R: "He doesn't know we're still sleeping together." S: "So I'm your secret lover. I feel bad for Mew. He was fooled by Top. And he's fooled by you. How about we stop this?" R: "Come on, Sand. You're not my secret lover. You're an important person to me too. Don't think too much." S: "Can you stop saying things like that? I'm not just stuff you have in your possession. I have feelings. Treat me nicer. Screw it. I'll just be honest here. I admit it. I like you. And I like you so much. I'm jealous of you and Mew but I can't do anything, can I? I'm saying this not because I want you to break up with Mew or anything. I just don't want to be anyone's option. And don't you feel pity for me. I can deal with my own feelings." R: "Thanks for being honest. I like you too. But Mew is important to me. It's not easy for me to get over him." S: "It's up to you. I won't put pressure on you. But if I find someone with no conditions, I'm ready to go. I will not wait for you. Come on."

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invisiblegarters · 2 years ago

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Okay, okay.

After even more thinking maybe just maybe Ray's explosion on Sand was karmic retribution lol.

Because I've been thinking about it and.

Well.

This was not a heat of the moment plan for him. Not even a little. Dude had to get his drink (that poor server jfc what did she ever do to either of those messy bitches), go back to his mom, probably give her a ride home.

And then he still cold bloodedly broke his own phone (which let's be real for someone living like Sand does that is DEDICATION to his goal), then came in laying it on super thick about his mom to Nick so that he'd rush to fix it and lend him his. Sent himself the audio.

Then he called Ray up and invited him out to hang after blowing him off for who knows how long (and Ray clearly thought they were there to make up, okay, I might not be this ship's biggest supporter but even I could see that) just so he can use his feelings for Mew against him.

The conversation was so fucked, too. Sand immediately (and repeatedly I say again I'm not this ship's biggest supporter but one of them was actively trying here and it wasn't Sand) steering it away from Ray's attempts to talk about them to swerve to Mew is just...I love it. Complimenting Mew and saying he can totally see why everyone is in love with him? The way he played the audio right there (you are all so creepy for this my god will you please stop playing that clip at each other like the world's most fucked up game of telephone?). The casual drop that he knows how bad Top is because he also lost a lover to him (oh the parallels he deliberately put down there Sand you evil genius). And then rounding it up with "it's so great Mew has someone who cares about him as much as you."

All the while watching him to see how well his words were taking root. I'm floored because I genuinely thought he was gonna pull some stupid selfless bullshit like "I can't have you but I can give you what you want." Instead he just torpedoed several relationships and all it took was breaking a phone he knows his IT roommate will probably fix for free.

Boston fucking wishes.

It's so mean and I love it my dude is finally showing off just how fucked up he can be when crossed I think this is better than the baseball bat.

#only friends #only friends the series #sand ofts

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thesturniolos · 1 year ago

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warning signs

chris sturniolo | angst 😛

| triggers: alcohol, swearing

| long distance makes couples crumble much opposed to the closeness it apparently brings.

| tags: @strniohoeee @sturniolopepsi @estelleswrld @recklesssturniolo @realmoonee @thesturniolos @malsturns @mattslolita @mattsgirlforeva @malusokay @cabincorematt @caitifilms @celestialhacker @chrisolivia4l @sturnsclutter @sturnphilia @sturniolostuff @sturniololoverr @plasticferal @pr1ncessm1ng1 @ilovemattsturn @aesthetxcimagines @dailysturniolo @deatthmatch @justangelheree

“does it ever occur to you that-“

“don’t say it.” i pull my hand up to shade his face from my vision. although he’s my best friend, i can’t begin to talk about it. i swig the bottle and shake my head as i feel the burn fall down my throat.

he runs a hand through his hair and throws his body back onto my bed.

i look down at him to see a weak smile. it’s a smile of sympathy. sympathy that i don’t want or need to have.

“we’re fine.” i say but underneath my sharp tone there’s a slight wobble of concern. because it’s not how it was.

i look down at my phone and it flashes with a notification but i’m distracted by the wallpaper behind it.

it’s a picture of me and chris by the beach. he’s picking me up from the sand and swinging me round while we both laugh. it was the best day of my life. it was the day he asked me to be his, the day he promised me we’d be together forever.

well i believed that. after all, we’d been together for most of our life anyways - thanks to our mums being best friends since they were little, we were kinda destined to be inseparable too.

that was until he went to LA after his youtube career skyrocketed. i had never been happier for him and his brothers, knowing they were doing exactly what they’d dreamed of since we were children.

but what comes with a demanding industry like there’s is crazy fans and all around the clock non-stop entertainment.

our time together lessened and lessened as he signed up for interviews and tours and met more and more fans.

it didn’t bother me because i saw how happy he was to have been given that opportunity and seeing his smile was worth it all.

but it’s when i couldn’t see that grin anymore is when i found myself slipping into a place of darkness, like the curtains had been drawn on me.

i didn’t feel like a girlfriend anymore, i felt like a shadow. like a burden even.

even before they left for the big LA, he seemed to have become irritated by my presence, he started to go to bed early and i only saw him for about fifteen minutes when i got up and ten minutes when i got home before he found something else to do.

matt and nick saw this happening and tried to include me into their videos and podcasts but chris made it clear that i wasn’t allowed claiming the fans wouldn’t like it.

but what if i didn’t like it? did that even matter?

so now i find myself nearly 3000 miles away looking down at the bright light in my hand, wishing he was next to me and that it was like old times.

except he hadn’t texted me in a week and he’s been gone six months. that’s nearly 200 days without seeing him.

to think last year i couldn’t have gone 24 hours without a hug from him to now holding a teddy in my arms wishing it were chris.

i felt embarrassed to sit here and still think naively think we were still even a thing. because what’s a relationship without words?

i understand long distance is hard but nobody said it would do this to us, we were supposed to be forever.

i often think about the day at the beach, i wish it never happened. then i wouldn’t feel broken now.

“i really think you ought to call him.” says nate.

nate had been the triplets’ best friend too. he just like me was dropped but he still remained close with the likes of matt and nick.

“but it’s always me calling and it’s always me texting. how long do i have to fucking wait until he does that for me, nate? because quite frankly i’m fed up with being the only one who cares around here.”

there was silence for a bit and i could feel him staring at me.

a tear falls down my cheek and i let it fall onto my leg.

“i miss him so much, nate. why doesn’t he want me anymore?”

“i don’t know.” he hugs me in close and rubs my arm.

the truth is, this is the first hug i’ve had for six months.

“y/n?” the door opens and i’m face to face with the one person i need most.

“chris?”

#matt sturniolo fan fiction #nick sturniolo #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #sturniolo #comfort character #vinnie hacker #vinnie hacker imagines #vinnie hacker imagine #chris sturniolo imagines #chris sturniolo fanfic

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thewayuarent · 2 years ago

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Boston and Ray deserve each other

In a very positive way

I have a theory that if we’ll think about this friend group in a long-term perspective, Boston and Ray have the best chances to keep their relationship and grow up to an actual friendship. Let me explain.

Boston and Ray, while being very different, have a lot of common traits. And what differ them from the other two in this friend group, is that both Ton and Ray are people who constantly judged by their surroundings (and society) for their behavior - Boston is a slut, which is bad for some reason, and Ray is a suicidal alcoholic, which makes him a burden in everyone’s eyes.

And that makes them outcasts from their perfect, level-headed, proper friends Mew and Cheum (seriously fuck them both I’m so sorry I tried my best). So I believe they have at least some level of mutual understanding. It’s not coincidence that Boston was the one who was responsible for taking drunk Ray home. It’s not coincidence that Ray was the one who listened about all Boston’s who’s and how’s. They may not be very much supportive of each other, but they know they don’t have a right to judge the other also.

The thing with these two, in my opinion, is that while they don’t necessarily judge other’s behavior, they know very well what’s other weak spots are. And they know how and when bring it to the table. Boston outed Ray in frond of Sand? Ray does the same shit with Boston in frond of Nick! Do I believe that Ray actually judges Boston for his sex adventures? No. But I know, and Ray knows, how it will look like in other’s eyes.

And don’t get me wrong, those two love seeing each other miserable. Boston fucked up Ray’s attempt to get a new start with Sand just because he was feeling like this. Because Ray in his eyes is, well, pathetic with his whole being in love with Mew situation. And did my boy enjoyed it.

Same way Ray is very much enjoys the view of Boston being screamed at by Cheum. He’s absolutely having fun.

But. But they still have a level they won’t step over. The bar is very low, but it’s here.

Because when Ray is on his lowest point, crushed by cops while Cheum screams at him (about the same thing Boston previously laughed at), Boston doesn’t have fun anymore.

Because when Cheum (why is it always her) tells Boston he’s cut off his friends and the project that will cost him his future, Ray doesn’t have fun anymore.

They don’t do anything to help or support each other, obviously, but they are worried. Cheum is angry, Mew is either black out or having the best time of his life, but those two are actually concerned. And I know it’s not much, and it’s absolutely not what you expect from friends, but this is Boston and Ray we’re talking about.

Both of them, very differently, have no idea how to love properly. Because both of them have no idea how to be loved either. They both know their roles - a slut or a burden - they know how people see them and they are used to it. This is why we get constant parallels between BostonNick and SandRay dynamics.

Because when was the last time someone - including themselves - saw them as something more than a number of dirty toxic unhealthy traits?

When was the last time anyone appreciated how talented of a photographer Boston is?

When was the last time anyone told Ray he has good taste in music?

Was anyone there before to not just love them, cause sometimes it’s the easiest part, but to see them, forgive them, be there for them again, and again, and again?

I honestly don’t think so.

And yes, for now they are absolutely not there, but I do believe that they will grow - they’re doing it already. They will learn how to care about others the same way they will learn to accept someone’s love and care.

And for now it’s Nick and Sand, but - baby steps - while they’ll continue their journeys, they will learn to give it for other people. And I would bet on them finding each other again. In a way more healthier place.

#ofts #only friends the series #only friends #only friends meta #sandray #bostonnick #only friends boston #only friends ray #yes I also believe they fucked in the past #I will never stop thinking about that #nothing in this world proves me the opposite

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akkpipitphattana · 2 years ago

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no because i actually need to talk about this because this episode really really drove home for me how low sand exists for himself on the totem pole. he doesn’t hate himself like ray does, he doesn’t drown himself in self pity, but for sand, he is his own last priority.

with what we know from sand’s childhood, it’s easy to gather that he has likely always been the one looking out for his mom. she lacked responsibility, so sand had to step up as a kid. and when you’re a kid and you have to look out for the person that’s supposed be taking care of you, that starts the trend of viewing yourself as last on your priorities list. you need to take care of everyone else and then you can take care of you if you have any mental bandwidth left.

but that’s not obvious because if you look at sand, he seems put together. he has dreams, a goal, five different side hustles, he can cook, he exercises, he’s clearly taking care of himself, right? wrong.

because that’s the sand that he wants everyone to see. take care of yourself just enough so no one else worries because no one else can worry about you, that’d keep them from focusing on them. and god is he the KING of bottling shit up. he holds in all the pain, the emotion, let’s it fester into bitter anger, which is why he resents top so much despite the fact that it was boeing that left. because it’s easier to blame the guy you don’t know than the guy you love. it’s easier to say top seduced boeing than accept that maybe sand just wasn’t enough. it’s not that sand “never got over boeing” it’s that he never got over what happened. he never expressed those feelings beyond sassy comments and bitter eye rolls and then that audio business, but that was still in anger at top. he never acknowledge his hurt over what boeing did, even if he doesn’t have feelings for him anymore.

which is also why sand barely fucking cries. i know this seems like an odd point to make, but as a first kanaphan enthusiast i have to point out what i’ve noticed and that’s that in comparison to other first characters? sand is stone fucking cold. he gets choked, mind you, a single tear at the end of ep5 and welled up at the end of ep6 even, but the only time he REALLY breaks down are in ep10 when ray screams at him and he thinks he’s really lost him and ep11 when he reunites with ray and realizes he hasn’t. and those are MASSIVE emotional releases because sand! bottles! shit! up! he doesn’t wanna put that on anyone else, so he holds it in and only breaks down fully when it’s too much and when he’s alone.

and like we’ve seen the way he sets aside his own care for ray over and over, we see the way he loves his mom, even with nick he’s always the one comforting. so it’s no surprise that when boeing shows up, he can’t establish firm boundaries. i’ve already said this, but i really do think when boeing asked if he had a chance, sand said no, but because boeing KNOWS sand and he KNOWS that sand cares so little for his own boundaries, he’ll keep pushing. because he thinks sand will eventually break.

and now ray and boeing are throwing him around trying to see who he chooses, and i just. i need sand to snap. i need him to actually be honest about what he feels and what he wants and put himself first for once.

#also HE IS JUST LIKE ME FOR REAL #sand is one of those characters i relate to so much that it’s made it hard for me to talk about him at length #i’ve been focusing more on ray and their relationship in general for that reason i think #only friends #sand #ofts #my analysis #mine

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respectthepetty · 2 years ago

Note

Only friends is messy and I love the messy! But then I think about the other messy stuff that has yet to be messy but will be messy when it comes to light!

For example, Like is Sand still ‘helping’ Rays Dad? What with?

Wild Ass Theory -

RAY'S KARMA'S COMING!

ANON! You know I love a wild ass theory, yet I have none for Only Friends. The show feels normal to me, and not as unhinged as I need in order to make a wild ass theory but . . . @nothingsbetterthancoffee, I was answering this ask when your ask popped up

TLWR: Ray's dad is paying Sand to babysit Ray.

And Ray is gonna be really fucking LIVID when he finds out that Sand is working with his dad!

Because Sand is definitely helping the dad with something.

And Sand almost getting arrested to save Ray after he made a pact with Nick to move on makes me think that the something Ray's dad asked him was to make sure Ray doesn't end up in prison.

The dad is too busy to keep in eye on Ray, so he asked Sand to do it instead. Even though Sand has genuine feelings for Ray, the dad is paying him to keep an eye on his son.

Let me allow Dangerous Romance, where we also see the poor boy x rich boy dynamic, to explain this arrangement.

Get the poor boy who is close to the rich wild child to monitor him in exchange for money. It's a win win!

But remember just like his fellow Slut for Christ Kang, Ray is quick to throw out that his poor boy is, well, poor and by extension apparently a money grubbing whore.

So I'm pretty sure having a magical honeymoon stage

Only to find out that daddy is paying this whore to take care of you would really set Ray off.

And to add to this Wild Ass Theory - it'll be Ray's karma.

I'm not getting into the morality muddy waters about this. I'm not writing if any of this is right or wrong. Instead, let me present the facts:

Karma

Boston recorded his friends making out, used it to get Top to have sex with him since he was jealous of Mew, then threw it in Ray's face to ruin his chances with Sand.

And Nick recorded him having sex with Top, told Sand about it who told Ray, who then told Mew and now everyone hates Boston.

Play stupid games (record your friends in an intimate moment and use it for your advantage), win stupid prizes (your recorded tapes, plural with an "s", become your downfall).

Then there is Mew, our beautiful virgin who judges his rich boy friend who does drugs and his other slutty friend.

Who then gets *cheated on by a rich boy who does drugs and sleeps around, then proceeds to do drugs and attempt to enter his slut era. (I'd argue Top did NOT cheat, but that's not what this post is about).

Ultimately, you will become the one you hate.

And now here we are with Ray. Raymond. My Ray of Sunshine. Fellow Slut for Christ. The love of my life! Who constantly degrades Sand by throwing money at him and calling him a whore.

Sand has tried to be a friend to Ray.

And yet . . .

Ray has made it where they can't be friends.

There are twenty million instances where Sand has told Ray that Ray treats Sand like a driver, a drinking buddy, a cook, a therapist, a nurse, and plenty more, but never a friend. There are fifty million instances where Sand has commented on Ray throwing his money at Sand to avoid acknowledging his fuck ups. Then there are another hundred million instances of Ray implying or directly stating that he thinks Sand is a whore.

So wouldn't it funny if this friend group is actually getting confronted with THEMSELVES?

Boston got hurt by the exact same thing he hurt others with. Mew got hurt by all the things he judged others about and is now turning into that.

And Ray is about to experience his own self-fulfilling prophecy because if you speak of the devil whore enough times, he will eventually appear.

#only friends #only friends the series #wild theory time #this is ray's karma #what goes around comes around

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a1307s · 1 year ago

Text

I Hate You #2

(Wally West)

[Art is not mine! Credit to lord_zephyr]

Requested by: BeatleBee and Fandom_Princess_21

Keys:

Y/N: Your name

Word Count: 5,575

Warnings and/or Pre-notes:

Cursing

Mentions of domestic violence

Mentions of sex life

Playing into the memory lost again but in fairness this was planned before my "Flickers of Green" series so my bad for the over used trope

——————————————————————

The first thing I hear is the whoosh of air being pushed through tubs and different beeping sounds. My head is pounding behind my eyes and my body feels heavy. Heavy and painful.

I blink my eyes open. Huge mistake, the lights above me only make my head and eyes hurt more, so I close them again. Pain management at its best. My jaw is locked around something plastic for God knows why. It takes a second but I manage to put the pieces together. I'm hooked up to a ventilator. What the hell is going on?

I shift my limbs around, causing different pops to release from my joints. Once my body feels like me instead of a bag of sand, I work on getting the ventilator detached from myself. I'm pretty confident I can manage breathing on my own.

My body still feels heavy as I move around, but the weight seems to shift as I move. Cautiously, I slowly open my eyes again, making sure to give myself time to adjust to the lights and added pain. Once they're focused, I'm left with more questions than answers.

A man is lying against my side, his head resting on my shoulder, the majority of him laying against my chest and side as his arms are curled around me. That explains the added weight but who the fuck is this and why is he here?

I repeatedly blink, trying to work these questions out on my own. I can't remember who this guy is for the life of me. I can't remember anything. It's all just... black. This can't be good. Maybe I was kidnapped. I don't think a kidnapper would hook me up to a ventilator though.

As I try to work different angles of the situation, the man lying on top of me stirs a bit. I should probably be scared of this but for whatever reason it makes me feel calmer. Maybe I am supposed to know him.

His eyes slowly blink open, tiredness still very evident on his face. As I settle on the green color of his irises, my chest fills with warmth and my heart rate picks up, which is very obvious when the beeping from the heart mentor picks up. I better know this man or else this situation is going to be very weird when I can remember stuff again.

The guy blinks his eyes a couple of times as he sits up in the bed, removing the extra weight from me in the process. His face keeps switching, sadness and then happiness before the cycle begins again. "I... love you," he pushes out, his eyes still rapidly blinking at me.

"Thank... you?" I answer, shifting a bit and turning my focus away from him. Pain shoots up my side as I shift. I attempt to try and hide my wince but it doesn't work very well.

"Let me get you some pain meds!" The man says, stumbling out of the bed before rushing across the room. I watch him struggle to unlock the glass case packed full of pills.

Am I in rehab? That would make sense, rehabs, and hospitals lock up their pain medicine. This room does not look like a hospital so it has to be a rehab. Am I an addict?

I look down at my arms, scanning them for puncture wounds. There are small nicks and scares littered on my arms along with an IV needle shoved into my vein. Maybe I am an addict. Though the nicks look a little big to be a needle wound.

"Okay, so, you prefer Tylenol but Dick said to start you on ibuprofen instead so I don't know. Which one do you want to take?" the man asks, walking over to me as he reads the back of both bottles.

He steps next to my bed, the pain medication forgotten as he steers at me. He repeatedly blinks again, this time tears are forming in his eyes. Maybe he's family? Rehabs let you see your family. I don't think they let them spend the night but I could be wrong.

The guy looks a lot different than me though. He has red hair that's shaggy on top but trimmed on the sides, and freckles decorating his face. As I'm looking over his face, a fuzzy thought - memory? - of kissing his birthmarks crosses my mind, which washes all ideas of familia-relation out of my head.

"Please answer. You're making me nervous," the guy says, pulling me out of my thoughts. That's quite saddening. I like thinking about kissing his freckles. God, I hope we're not related or else I'm a pervert.

"Um... I don't know who Dick-" I stop for a second, thinking over that phrase. Dick is a person, right? If not that would make this situation even weirder. If it is a person, who the hell names their kid Dick? "-is, so Tylenol should be fine."

"What?" The man asks, dropping the medication bottles. They clink and shake the pills up as they hit the ground, not helping with my headache. "What do you mean you don't know who Dick?"

I shrug, sending him a soft smile. Apparently, I'm supposed to know this Dick person. "I just... don't know who you're talking about. Or... who... you are," I drag out the second half, not sure how he's going to respond. If he's not someone that I should care about - or someone who doesn't care about me - who knows how he's going to react?

"You're... I'm... okay," the freckled boy stumbles over his words before settling on not adding anything. I carefully watch as he bends down and picks up the bottles before placing them on my lap. "I'm going to... go get Dick," he slowly pushes out, struggling as he walks back and forth between the door and me. "Take... take something?" He says more as a question than a statement, confusion written all over his words and face. He looks at me for a moment longer before he rushes out of the room.

I'm guessing it's safe to say I'm not an addict. If I was, I don't think I'd be left unsupervised with medication. I obey the boy - more because of the pain than him personally - and take a couple of Tylenol, racing it down with a cup of water resting on the table next to the bed I'm sitting in.

I really like looking at the freckled boy and hopefully, I'll get to again.

————————————

"Stop freaking out," comes a voice from behind the door.

"I'm not freaking out!" Says another voice. It takes me a second, but I recognize the voice as the freckled man I woke up with. He's been gone for about an hour, so I'd say it's safe to assume the other voice is this Dick person I'm supposed to know.

"You're totally freaking out! You need to stop freaking out before you make me freak!"

"You can't freak out because I'm freaking out!"

"You said you weren't freaking out, Wally!"

Hearing the name makes my heart rate pick up again, filling the room with louder beeping from the heart mentor hooked up to my chest. The door creaks open a bit, the green eyes from earlier glancing at me and then my heart rate before the door is closed again. "I'm totally freaking out," the Wally guy says, his tone hushed but still audible through the door.

This 'freaking out' conversation continues for a while, keeping me quite entertained as I repeat the freckled boy's name in my head in hopes of shaking a memory loose. It doesn't work very well; the only thing in my mind is the fuzzy memory of kissing his face that I had earlier. I'm going to safely assume it's a memory and not just a thought.

"Don't... I can't... I'm not ready!" Wally stumbles out seconds before the door is swung open. There stands Wally, his face once again fighting between two emotions, this time it seems to be fear and happiness. Standing next to him is a shorter man with clipped raven hair. There's a mask covering his eyes which I take as a bad sign. Ideas of this being a kidnapped situation circle my head again.

"Hi," The raven-haired - Dick? - man breathes out.

"Hello," I answer, watching as the two men walk into the room and shut the door behind them. I continue watching as they walk towards me, each pulling a chair up next to my bed. Wally untucks an iPad from under his arm, setting it on my lap as the two men have an unspoken conversation with their facial expressions. "So... You are Wally, ya?" I ask, tilting my head some as I look at the redhead. He nods softly, his eyes soft and eyebrows scrunched as he looks back at me. "Which makes you... Dick," I mumble the last word, tilting my head in the other direction to look over the other man.

"You... usually call me Richard," the other man answers softly, snapping his mask off his face and placing it on the arm of his chair. His eyes are blue, dark blue like the ocean. They're very pretty.

"Okay," I answer, dragging out the 'o'. I look down at the iPad weighing on my legs. It's upside down, the screen facing the blanket and the case facing me. The case is a collage made up of eight photos. There are three pictures on each side, framing the two larger pictures in the middle.

The top middle picture is an image of me, wrapped up in a loose, flowy green dress. An older man with sandy blonde hair is dressed in a suit and tie. I'm standing barefoot on his shoes, one of his hands around my back and the other one holding my hand as we waltz. The other bigger picture, stacked under the one above, is a picture of me and the Wally guy. We're sat on a beach, me comfy in his lap as we both face the water, his arms around me and his lips pressed against my forehead. I guess I am supposed to know this man, and I'm sure it's safe to assume I am not kidnapped.

The top left picture is of this Dick guy and me. We're sat up on the hood of a car, both of us with masks on as we stick out our tongues and flip off the camera. I look a lot younger in this picture. Probably sixteen, maybe seventeen.

The middle-left picture is of a blonde girl with really long hair. Her arm is wrapped around my neck, the two of us holding different bottles of alcohol and very obviously wasted. A dead giveaway from the half-lidded eyes and the messed-up mascara under our eyes.

The bottom picture is an image of me another guy. He's built buffer than Dick but has the same color scheme. He towards over me, a frown stamped on his face. Cat ears are tucked on his head with the basic cat nose and whiskers colored on his face. I'm dressed the same but with a smile and peace sign thrown up in the picture.

The top photo on the right is another redhead, but his build isn't slim like Wally's, it's more of a buff build like the off-brand Richard. Both of our heads are tilted, similar frowns drawn on our faces as we look at the camera. We're both propped up with arrows in our bows, ready to be released at the slightest movement of our holds.

The middle right picture is of a green-skinned girl and me. We're in a kitchen somewhere, covered in flour as we laugh.

The last picture is of myself and some guy who looks like he has gills sliced into his neck. We're mirror images of each other, both of our arms crossed on some dock as the rest of us are dipped into some body of water as we smile at the camera.

"I know a lot of people," I mumble, sliding my fingers over the smooth casing.

"You care about a lot of people," Wally says, his eyes burning into me as he watches for a reaction. I'm a bit sad I can't give him one. "Do you remember any of the events or people from the pictures?"

I think over it for a while, trying so hard to pull something - anything from my mind. "Not really. I only remember one thing, but I don't know if it's just a thought or a memory."

"What's your thought?" Richard asks, his body language relaxed, unlike Wally who's pretty much vibrating in his chair. I watch Wally for a second, trying to make out his movements. I'm pretty sure he is actually vibrating. That's... definitely something I'll have to ask about.

"Umm..." I mumble, trying to make sense of Wally's ability to do this. "I think I remember kissing Wally's freckles. It might just be a thought I'm having."

Wally's movement freezes, a huge smile growing on his face as the man next to him chuckles a bit. "Ya, you... you like to count my freckles with kisses," Wally says, his breath a little fast as his eyes jump around me. "You do it every night. It helps me fall asleep."

"Oh," I murmur, turning my attention to the picture of us again. "So, we're... dating?"

"Ya, ya, we are," he answers, scooting closer to me. He goes to grab my hand but stops himself. "We've been together for seven years. I was fourteen - you were thirteen - when we went on our first date and we just... have been together ever since."

"Just us, the whole time?" I ask, glancing at him.

"Just us. The whole time," he echoes, deciding to gently grab my hand.

"What? No ring, Wally?" I tease, smiling at him as I scan over his face again. I like his freckles, and I'm glad he lets me love them. Or, at least used to let me.

Both men chuckle a bit, causing my smile to grow some. "You want to get your degree before we get married. You always tell me if you're doing the work, your last name is going on it, not mine. Which I fully support."

"Oh, that makes sense," I mumble, looking down at our hands. His fingers feel nice laced up in mine. "Who are the other people in the pictures?" I ask, turning back to the iPad case.

Richard moves forward, pulling the iPad with him so we can look at it closer. "This is Oliver Queen," he starts, pointing to the top middle picture. "He adopted you when you were nine or ten. His wife's name is Diana, you call her Mom, but you call him Ollie."

I nod a bit, continuing to look over the picture. "What's with the fancy dress-up?"

"Oliver owns Queen Industries, which is a multi-billion-dollar company. You and his son help run it, which is why you're going to school for a business degree. Once you graduate, Ollie intends to teach you the business and then you and his son will take over and inherit the industries. So, you tend to get stuck going to a lot of fancy business parties."

"Damn, guess I'm like a super-rich bitch," I say, once again causing the men to laugh a bit.

"Ya the only one richer than you on the team is this guy," Wally says, motioning towards Richard. "I'm not with you for your money, by the way. The tabloids say that a lot, but... it's not true."

"Ya, no shit Wally. It's not like you're the main breadwinner of the home and Y/N gets to play house-wife," Richard teases, putting my mind at a bit of ease. It's a weird thing for Wally to mention but I guess it makes sense since I'm apparently from a pristine family or whatever.

"This picture is from our last vacation," Wally says, letting go of my hand for a second to point to the picture of us. "We went to Greece for a week to celebrate our sixth anniversary. This year you wanted to go to Brazil." His hand is back in mine, his thumb rubbing against me as his face is scrunched up.

"Who's this?" I ask, pointing to the picture of wasted me and the blonde girl.

"That's Artemis. She's an archer. You don't like using your bow for crime fighting but you do archery as a hobby. You two bonded over that and she ended up being your best friend," Wally answers, his face continuing to scrunch up as he blinks some. "I... need a breather. I'll be right back, okay? I love you," he rushes out, standing and kissing my forehead.

"I... um..."

"You don't have to say it back, Y/N. I know that... you are very confused and don't know who you are, so you don't have to say it back," Wally says, cutting me off before I can get the words out.

A ting of sadness mixes with the relief that fills me from his words. I know I'm supposed to love him, and I know I feel something towards him, but I can't bring myself to say the words back. How can I love someone I don't know anything about? How can I love someone if I don't even know myself? It would feel wrong to say those words if there's no meaning behind them.

"I'll be right back," Wally repeats, running his hands through my hair a couple of times before kissing my forehead again. "I'm going to go on a walk, and I'll get you something to eat, okay? Do you know what you want?"

"I... don't know," I answer softly, worried I'm going to upset him more.

"That's okay," he answers, his hands cupping my cheeks and softly forcing my head up so I'm looking at him. "I'll grab some of your favorites and we'll have a little buffet." He places a couple more soft kisses, littering my cheeks with them, before he leaves the room.

I watch the door, even after he leaves, for a couple of minutes before turning towards Richard. His eyes are soft as he watches me, scanning for something but I'm not sure what. "Am I upsetting him? Am I upsetting you?" I ask, figuring it would be easier to upset this unknown person than the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

"We're not upset with you. We're upset with ourselves, and each other, and that your injuries won't let you remember how amazing of a person you are. It is not your fault, and we are not blaming you or upset with you. You've done nothing wrong, Y/N," he answers, slowly sliding his hand into mine, replacing Wally's hand from earlier.

I look at it for a little while, trying to read between the lines to see if this is okay or not. "Why are you guys upset with yourselves and each other?" I don't like him touching me as Wally was, so I move my hand away from him.

Richard looks a little sad at my reluctance but doesn't push it. "You got hurt on a mission. When you got home, Wally was really upset because you gave up crime-fighting a long time ago. I... asked you to start again, and you did but you didn't tell Wally, so when he found out... you guys got into a big fight. Like, screaming in each other's faces fight and... he said he hated you. You stayed at my place for a couple weeks and then I distracted you on a mission and... you got hurt again and ended up in a coma. So," Dick chuckles a little, shaking his head before he continues. "We hate me because I got you hurt, and we hate Wally because the last thing you heard him say was that he hated you."

He falls silent, giving me time to think over the new information he gave me. I focus on the wall across from me, rolling the story over on repeat. As I do so, small cracks in my mind come through as I try to focus. I remember crying as I knocked on Richard's door. I remember him getting pissed at Wally. I remember Wally saying he hated me. I remember telling him he was acting like my father. Were those going to be the last words Wally ever heard from me? That he reminded me of the man I hated the most?

"Does Wally really love me?" I ask, a bit confused. A heated fight with venomous words being the second thing I remember about him isn't helping me love Wally like I'm supposed to. If anything, it's making me really confused. Do we fight like that all the time? Or were we just having a bad day? If we do fight like that all the time, why would I stay with him so long? Does he hurt me? Is that why I stay? And what's with all this getting hurt and crime-fighting stuff?

"Yes, Wally really loves you. He loves you more than anything in this world. He would do anything for you. If you were drowning, he would give you his lungs so you could live. He would willingly die for you without a second thought."

Dick's words help a bit, but not as much as I would like. How much of our relationship could he really know about? As if he can read my mind, Richard speaks up again. "Wally and you have a healthy relationship. You guys rarely fight. The shit before your coma was just a bad situation. I think in the ten-plus years I've known you guys, other than this, you've had maybe three bad fights. You're in therapy for... personal stuff, and since you guys were, I don't know, fifteen or sixteen, you've gone to couple's therapy together."

Those words make me feel better. It lets me know that Wally tries, that I try, to make us work. It erases all worry of being stuck in a bad relationship. Wally loves me, more than anything in this world.

————————————

It's been about a week since I woke up from my coma. Things are coming back, slowly, but they're coming back. Batman says that's a good sign, and that it points towards me getting all my memories back over time. The furry also says that all my wounds should heal fully too but to take it easy until I'm hundred percent again.

Once I was cleared to leave, Wally took me home. It was weird coming back to his - our - apartment. It felt like home, but I couldn't remember anything about the place. The whole time I walked around the space, Wally kept rambling about how it's usually a lot cleaner and that he was sorry he didn't clean it better before I got back.

Over the week I haven't been left unsupervised. Batman says it's not necessary, but Wally wouldn't stop freaking out. So, while he's at work I spend time with different people. The blonde girl - Artemis - is my best girlfriend. She says we go get our nails done every other Friday, and that one Saturday a month, she, me, and the other hero girls go for drinks. Artemis also said we usually call every day and talk over the day and such. Unless we hang out anyway, which makes sense.

I also got to re-meet Conner - the off-brand Richard. He says he's my best guy friend. He also says that he and M'gann - the green girl - go on double dates with Wally and me one or two times a month. I think that's cute. Conner says that M'gann can't wait to re-meet me but she's a bit busy with Garfield. I don't know who Garfield is, but from what I've collected, I'm pretty sure he's the adopted son of Conner and M'gann. I'll have to ask Wally about that.

Dick came and sat with me the day after Conner did. We talked more about Wally and me. He's Wally's best friend so he knows a lot about us, about me. Apparently, he's one of Batman's sons. Batman has three sons, Richard, Jason, and Tim. He told me I used to be close to Jason before he died because he was close to Roy and I'm close to Roy too. He's Ollie's son, so my brother technically.

Yesterday I hung out with Ollie and Diana. It was nice seeing them again, I felt safe and loved the whole time they were here. They showed me a lot of pictures and videos from my childhood with them. We talked about a lot of deep stuff too; my life before them and my life as a crime fighter. It was a very sad day, but it helped clear up a lot of the fog and questions in my life.

Today I got to meet my brother again. Apparently, he doesn't like Wally very much. It's not because Wally is bad, Roy just thinks I deserve more than Wally. I don't know how he can think that. From what everyone has told me - Ollie included - Wally is as perfect as a man can be; most of the time. I think it's just him playing the overprotective brother role. I technically have a niece because Roy has a clone. I don't know. That just confused me a lot. However, he said he'd explain it more on a different day and would set up a lunch day with our technical brother and niece. That's going to be nice - very confusing - but nice.

Wally got home about an hour ago. We don't do much, usually, just talk and eat dinner. He refuses to even watch a movie together, let alone sleep in the bed with me, even though I said I don't mind. He keeps tip-toeing around me, like I'll shatter if he's too loud. Richard said Wally doesn't want to put expectations on me or even expect me to want to stay with him. I think Wally is worrying too much. If I loved him before, I'll love him again once I remember our life together. It's hard to remember that life though if he's too terrified to even talk about us, let alone act like there's an us.

I hear the water from the shower turn off once Wally is done washing off from work. I turn my attention away from my iPad, giving my eyes a small break. I've spent the day prepping emails for my college. Ollie says if the emails don't work, he'll handle the dean. Roy says that emailing the dean and asking for a meeting with him and my teachers should work just fine. We shall see. I watch the bathroom door, glancing between the screen in my hand and the wood as I wait for Wally to walk out.

After a couple of minutes, the door swings open, filling the frame with Wally. A towel is wrapped around his waist, leaving his chest bare. His hair is wet, making it extra floppy. He looks hot. I have a hot boyfriend, a really hot boyfriend. Despite being retired, he still has the frame of a hero. Toned muscles, a soft outline of abs, and nice arms. I wonder what our sex life is like.

"Wally?" I call, my eyes on repeat as I scan over him.

He blinks a few times, looking at me as if he forgot I was here. "I'm sorry, I forgot to bring my clothes into the bathroom. Before... I don't usually get dressed in the bathroom. I get too hot, so I usually need a few minutes to cool down in our bedroom before I get dressed."

"I don't mind. I'm just glad my boyfriend is hot," I tease a bit, giving him a soft smile before looking at my email again. I don't want to make him uncomfortable either. I know he's struggling with me not being fully me yet.

"I... um..." I glance up, watching Wally looking between me and the wall to his right as he thinks over his words. Maybe I did make him uncomfortable. Maybe he doesn't want to be my boyfriend anymore. I wouldn't blame him, I'm a lot to handle right now.

"Wally?" I call again, setting my iPad down. I think it's time for us to talk instead of letting Wally avoid our conversations.

"Y/N?" He calls back, glancing at me before diverting his gaze again.

"Do you still want to be my boyfriend?" I push the words out before my emotions can stop me. It's going to hurt if he doesn't. Especially after spending the past week listening to everyone tell me how much Wally loves me and how much I love him.

Since being home, some of those feelings have started coming back. Certain things he does cause small fragments of memories to come back. With those memories, fragments of my feelings have come back too. I want to keep my life, my schooling, my family, my Wally. But, if Wally doesn't want to keep me, I can't expect that from him, the same as he doesn't expect anything from me.

"What?" He asks, his face scrunching up either in confusion or anger. I don't want him upset. I just need to know if it's a waste trying to remember a love that isn't going to be returned. Why force a heartbreak when I can just leave it forgotten? "Of course, I still want to be your boyfriend. I love you, so much, Y/N." Oh. Well, that's good. "Why the hell would you think that?" His words are soft, filled with sadness instead of the anger I expected.

"A few reasons," I whisper, turning my focus to his face. I like his freckles. When we're having a serious conversation and I need a breather, I count them. I count them mentally now instead of with kisses though.

Wally shifts his weight, his eyes still glancing between me and other things. "Let me get dressed and then we can talk, okay?" I hum a yes, which is good enough for him. My eyes trail after him as he dips into our bedroom, but it's cut off when he closes the door.

I wait for a couple of minutes, my anxiety growing with each passing moment. I try to calm myself with deep breaths until Wally reappears in front of me, fully clothed this time. He moves slowly, sitting on the couch next to me, making sure to leave a space between us. "So... you don't think I want to be your boyfriend," he mutters, glancing at me before looking at the black TV.

"Well, a bit ya. You won't talk about us, refuse to share our bed at night, won't do anything with me-"

"We talk every night, Y/N," Wally says, cutting me off. His eyebrows are scrunched together again and his eyes are welled with worry.

"Ya, but we don't do anything. You won't even watch a movie with me let alone go out on a date or something." Wally stays quiet, blinking his eyes repeatedly as he stares at me. "How am I supposed to remember my life, us if you won't even acknowledge it?"

Once again silence fills the space between us. Wally blinks at me as the wheels in his head turn. "I'm... I don't mean to make it come off like that. I just... I don't want to expect you to stay with me and then it turns out you don't want me anymore."

"Oh, Wally... I know I don't love you in the way you're used to but it is coming back, in pieces. It's harder for it to come back if you keep treating me like a child instead of your girlfriend. You heard Batman say that sticking to my normal routine would help. What part of you ignoring me is part of our normal routine?"

Wally's eyes jump around from my face to the TV a few times before fully settling on me. "I'm just worried. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you again."

"Oh, Wally," I murmur, sliding forward to close the gap between us. I gently wrap my arms around his waist before resting my head on his shoulder. "You're not going to lose me again. I just want to remember you, remember us. I want our relationship back."

Wally tilts his head, resting it on top of mine as he wraps one of his arms around me. "I want our relationship back too."

We stay like this for a while, the two of us curled up on the couch together. It feels nice, getting to touch him, sit with him, feel his body heat. "I want to take you on a date tomorrow," he murmurs, picking his head up for a second before laying it back down.

"I'd like that," I answer, a smile playing on my face. I don't have to look up to know he's smiling too. This is good for me, for us. We're working to get back to our normal.

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#young justice #young justice oneshot #wally west x reader #wally west one shot #wally west #kid flash oneshot #kid flash x reader #kid flash

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bird-inacage · 2 years ago

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Only Friends: Sand's First Display of 'Messy' Behaviour

I'll preface this by saying I adore this man, and he's probably been the least problematic individual out of the Self-Proclaimed Friendship Circus. However, what left me with a chill was how Sand behaved when he revealed the affair to Ray.

Since we've been introduced to Sand, I think many of us have been pretty relieved by his largely green flag behaviour (in the midst of a very low bar being set in this group). This has often had me wondering what Sand's wider arc is going to be. The writers are not going to keep his storyline on one setting the whole way through. Therefore it's natural to anticipate we will be given another side to Sand - perhaps a less sympathetic or irrational part of his character. And maybe this was our first inkling into Sand's imperfections. He's also prone to vengeance and acting with an ulterior motive in mind.

Why it left me feeling so uncomfortable is because we haven't seen Sand in this light before. His score card has been pretty blemish-free.

Fuelled by a Vendetta

Nick shared this knowledge with Sand a while ago. However what triggered Sand to do something about it now was his confrontation with Top. We don't yet know what the circumstances were behind Top stealing Sand's ex from him, and how that played out. But it's evidently a sore grudge that Sand still very much holds against him.

Seeing Top again reminded Sand of the information he has at his disposal which could be used to teach Top a lesson. Sand is a very righteous person, and he doesn't think it's fair that someone should ruin his previous relationship, and now get what he wants with Mew as well. He wants Top to be punished. 'You're going to get what's coming to you, just wait'. It's possible that Sand didn't have the resources or means to get back at Top back then. But now he sees an opportunity to do so.

Combined with the fact that Sand has recently discovered that Ray loves Mew, this provides him with the perfect excuse for passing this information on. One, because as an outsider of their group, this can't come directly from him. Two, he knows based on Ray's temperament and his feelings for Mew, he'll be guaranteed to act.

Motivated by Selflessness or Selfishness?

I was originally going to post a deep dive on the scene between Ray and Sand at the bar, but I found myself constantly yo-yoing and ultimately undecided as to whether Sand's intentions were good or bad.

On the one hand, he's sharing this because he knows Ray will reveal the affair and Top will suffer the consequences. Thus, satisfying an act of indirect revenge.

On the other hand, he could also be doing this (as he so claims) due to his sense of righteousness. He just can't bear bad people getting away with bad things. And perhaps he does genuinely see Mew as a innocent victim here, and wants him to expose Top for who he is.

What also had me conflicted is that 'breaking' up Mew and Top doesn't play to Sand's interests. If Sand is romantically invested in Ray, and Mew becomes single again, this would allow Ray to continue pursuing Mew, which means Sand loses out. This is plausible if you're fuelled by unconditional love and a desire to see the person you love be happy. But I'm not entirely convinced that is the case here either.

You can also argue that Sand is 'using' Ray in this instance to achieve his objective, which is very questionable. He knows what a loose cannon Ray can be. Either he didn't think too much about the possible repercussions of how Ray would react, or he didn't care as long as Top got what he deserved. I don't think by any means Sand wishes to cause Ray any harm, but something really primal seemed to drive Sand to do this regardless of how Ray may be affected as the messenger.

So I don't know if I've decided yet. It could be a mix of all the above. This did seem to veer more on petty vengeance under the guise of righteousness. Mainly due to how Sand looks at Ray in that entire scene, which felt slightly manipulative and cold compared to how he usually has been with Ray. Especially when he says, "Mew is lucky though to have you by his side." It's almost with pinpoint precision that Sand triggers an image in Ray, to be the saviour swooping in to protect Mew.

All in all, I found Sand's behaviour this episode to be highly intriguing and unexpected. I saw a clip of First talking at an event recently, where he says something along the lines of 'when you see Sand do this, please forgive him', which implies there will be some further questionable or inexplicable behaviour later on potentially. Hmn.

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #only friends meta #ray x sand #sand x ray #raysan #sanray #khaofirst #firstkhao #first kanaphan #is sand harbouring some demons too?#this is one where i really want to get a sense of everyone else's thoughts on this because this had me really stumped #i guess we won't know until we see more of sand revealing this side of himself to gauge if it's out of good will or bad intent #that whole scene where he speaks to ray just gave me the heebies jeebies for some reason - i was like where's my sweet Sand?

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yuhi-san · 1 year ago

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Alright for trigun fanfiction appreciation week by @trigunfanfic I made a small fic record, though I might add more

In the meadow by @eomma-jpeg

Rating M

Tags: Milly has a Savior Complex, No Smut, Slow Burn, farm life, Knives Redemption, Hints at Vashmeryl, but I have other plans for them, POV Multiple, Post-Canon, Post-AnimeTrimax influences, Character Study, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Mutual Pining, References to both Millywood and Vashwood

ngl I just opened it because I was starved for ‘post series knives needs to learn how to live with people’ content. I thought Millyknives was just a case of pairing the ‘leftovers’ but I figured the rest might bee good.

It is so, so good and also, not a case of pairing the leftovers (if you think you don’t care for millyknives, this story will probably convert you lol).

Its 98 trigun with some trimax and stampede elements (Roberto!!). its sweet, its funny, they have ups and downs and without wanting to spoil anything, I love how it does explore that a lot of knives hate for humans stems from fear.

All the original character are great, everyone gets their time to shine, vashmeryl are so cute and silly

Sinking sand by @rainflamestudio

Rating T

Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Found Family, Whump, Smoking, because Wolfwood is here, Trust Issues, Friendship, Mixed Canon, Alien Biology, Nick's dying but he walks it off, dadberto, Nick learns he has friends, Panic Attacks, Sensory Overload

We all love some hurt comfort for vash but this time its wolfwoods turn! he’ is not having a good time but cant ask for help either. Not that this is topping vash, meryl and Roberto from coming to his rescue and staying by his side no matter what.

Hot water by OpticalCrown

Rating G

Tags: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Chronic Pain, Character Analysis, Light Angst

A short story about sleeping arrangements, the things vash so desperately wants to hide but Roberto and Wolfwood notice anyway

New growth by @puffinpastry

Ongoing

Rating T

Tags: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Millions Knives-centric (Trigun), Depression, Implied Mpreg, Mostly trimax with some tristamp for seasoning, Trans Vash the Stampede (Trigun), Trans Millions Knives (Trigun), Millions Knives domestication arc, Brief suicidal ideation, Knives gets to heal but hes got to confront his past first, Angst with a Happy Ending, past trans male pregnancy, Knives doesn't know how to interact with kids, Silly but its buried under all their issues, Hey knives what if you were confronted with the forgiveness of a small child?

Still ongoing but very good knives has to learn to live with people, specifically vash. its very well written, I love knives in this and the struggle he and vash both have, especially because vash cant just move ast what had happened, even though he kinda wishes he cold. cute kids, also bless wolfwood

The heaviness we’ve known by @cosmictapestry

Rating T

Tags: Heart-to-Heart, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Vash the Stampede (Trigun), Vash the Stampede has Prosthetic Legs (Trigun), Caretaking, past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Violence, Vash the Stampede's Scars (Trigun), Body Modification, Father-Son Relationship, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Episode Tag, Parent-Child Relationship, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Unresolved Tension, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Vash the Stampede Needs a Hug (Trigun)

Look, I love trisamp brad and his relationship to vash. he didn’t do right from the start but he cares so much and this one is just, oof. Goes deeper in the lost tech that keeps vash together and the pain he has from it and how little brad and others sometimes can do. Set after episode 9.

Ricochet by @heffawhump

Rating G

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Sick Character, Poisoning, Caretaking, Hidden Injury, BAMF!Meryl Stryfe, dad!berto, Fluff

Classic hurt comfort and sick character. Very well written, absolutely in love with the gang ready to kick anyones ass that wants vash harm. get them, meryl

Never understood a word by @aboxthecolourofheartache

Rating T

Tags: Road Trips, Introspection, Character Study, Developing Friendships, Trust Issues, Trust, Loneliness, Treasure Hunting, Brotherly Angst, Dysfunctional Family, POV Alternating, Developing Relationship, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, the inherent vulnerability of bringing someone to a favorite location, the inherent sanctity of natural places, eccentricity as plot device, Vulnerability, several instances of blink and you miss it Trimax-flavored Plant lore, Singing

Absolutely amazing story and character study about vash from the view of Roberto, meryl and Wolfwood. Love how it shows that there is so much rage and other emotions bubbling under vashs cheerful attitude because knives tormenting him one way or another is not so easily brusched of. But my favorite part might be that it also shows vashs silly and clumsy persona isn’t all fake either, rather it is an exaggeration of genuine traits he has. Also some really great Roberto rep!

Like Eden by @revenantpoet / @revenantghost

Also known as untitled E fic lol

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, narrative poetry, Frottage, Vash the Stampede Has Plant-Like Genitalia (Trigun), Sexual Inexperience, First Time, They're so in love and they're stupid about it, Written as Vash being demi and Wolfwood being grey but, All I know is Vash is Wolfwood, sexual and Wolfwood is Vashsexual ok, Emotional Sex, Trauma, the usual Guilt, This was supposed to be a quick pwpIt is not, Canon Compliant

Look, I’m not usually one for poetry stile and it never occurred to me before to give it a try. It’s worth getting over the hang up though. It ready very nicely, like following Vash’s thoughts which fits soo well for the situation. Also we need more fics where they get some time after the sandsteamer disaster. And especially of vash getting the chance to show ww the geodome and for him to have a chance to be actually comforted after what happened to livio. It’s a really sweet one, though of course Wolfwood and vash cant make things too easy on themselves… communication is hard isn’t it boys

sorry if this looks all so messy, i have no idea how people have the nerve and patience to put thing togetehr nicely. I might do another list later in the week because there are so many lol

maybe a seperate E list, too (Like eden gets to be here because in my opinion it isn't really that much about the smut and its smal compared to everything else going on.)

#migth do one for my own fics too maybe #this is more work than i thought uugg #proud tough that i found the tumblr handle for almst everyone #trigunfanficappreciation #trigunfanficappreciation!#fic records #trigun #fanfic #vashwood #millyknives

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twig-tea · 2 years ago

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Only Friend Finale Reaction

I want to write this down now because I suspect my feelings on this will change over time. In this moment, immediately post-finale, I am satisfied. I feel happy. I am glad this show got made, and that I watched it.

Only Friends was billed as the messy gays show. I went in expecting something close to Friend Zone but with more gays, and that's what we got. Not a Warped Effect with explicit morals and lessons about sex, consent, sexualities, kinks, etc., not a GayOK Bangkok which is grounded in realism.

And because this was Jojo and Ninew and Den and Best, it's still more realistically queer than any GMMTV BL to date, and there were some absolutely stellar moments that stand alone as moving, and powerful, and beautiful, and genre-changing. And so near the beginning of the show airing, I raised my expectations; maybe this show was going to do more.

But was clear by the penultimate episode that it wasn't. I wrestled a lot on here with my need for this show to be the one that finally broke up the mixed pair expectations, and let sluts be sluts, and finally showed a threesome, and maybe even gave us consensual non-monogamy. It didn't go that far in any of those realms, but it took a step closer on many of them, and considering where BL has been to date that's still pretty huge for GMMTV, and I don't want to lose sight of that or judge it for what I wanted it to be instead of what it ultimately was.

The other thing I wrestled with a lot in this show was what other people were seeing in it, and my frustration that people were taking away moral lessons that the show wasn't giving. I think I was successful in that I watched this finale with satisfaction for what I was getting, even though I know a lot of people won't see what I saw (and btw I'm not even claiming that what I saw was what the creators intended! I am not claiming superiority here, just bias lol). So I watched this finale deciding to take what I wanted from it, rather than what I thought it was actually trying to say, and for that reason I enjoyed the hell out of it.

So. Here are my takeaways from the Only Friends finale:

We got a three-way kiss, even if it didn't lead to a threesome, after teasing us all series that was still satisfying and we got it as part of a branded pair in a GMMTV show. It was fun, and messy, and I loved it. I appreciate that it was also...maybe necessary is too far lol but it was actually in service to the plot--we all knew Sand still had feelings for Boeing, or else he would not have still been so mad at Top that he was willing to use Nick and Ray to get his revenge. Not every emotional loose end needs to be resolved with kissing, but it was kind of fun that they tried (and I also really appreciated that it didn't work lol).

I loved that Mew and Ray talking as friends got them to compare notes on and eventually team up to take down Boeing. Their friendship really is the backbone of this series, and I'm glad it survived everything. Mew is so relieved to have someone else taking care of Ray because he never wanted that role and wasn't good at it, but he does care about his friend's happiness and is more than happy to step in when there's drama. I appreciate that he made really clear to Sand that his feelings for Ray are platonic, in the bar, that's the first time I've really seen him be truly supportive of Ray, and it was nice to see.

The Mew and Top scenes were fascinating. I think this is where I'm going to differ from the bulk of the audience and I've made peace with that. I do not find stories like theirs romantic--where both partners need to be in control and play games to stay in control the whole time--so for me, the fact that these power struggles were still present in all of their scenes satisfied my desire to see them stay together, happy but on edge. So. That scene with Mew and Top in which Mew agrees to live with Top but then asks him to apologize to Sand right afterwards; I read that as pretty manipulative on Mew's part, and Top's uncomfortable face at the end means that he felt it too. Maybe I wasn't supposed to read it that way, but that's why it worked for me. The ring, too, "now or never", it's not a promise of forever, it's a promise of the present [such a strong ephemerality statement]. The conversation in the bath in which they outline their needs and identify that they have contrasting needs, and say "I'll work on it / we'll deal with it when it comes" is exactly what I was expecting of this relationship. They're not perfect for each other, and they're going to continue to push one another. Right now they're agreeing to try, without a guarantee that it will work. Talking about their needs is good, but we don't actually see them trying, so it didn't hit as romantic as it would otherwise for me either. And Mew daring Sand to kiss Top in order to get them to be chill was such a Mew power move I loved it. He asked Top to apologize to Sand, and then forced them to be in close proximity before getting confirmation that Top was ready. Top apologizing to Sand in that last second before they kissed was him clinging for power while Sand was hovering over him, and it was a perfect Top volley. Constant power struggle, that's how I read these two. Mew teasing Top with whether or not he's slept with anyone else was so interesting considering their history around that--I was probably supposed to see it as growth in their relationship that they can joke about it? Or maybe they were trying to undo some of the sexual morality nonsense that made its way into this show by pointing out that actually it doesn't matter if Mew had been with anyone before? But what I saw was Mew still struggling to have a power foothold over Top now that he's moved in. I will admit the fire scene, at first, I was so confused by. Were we supposed to be moved by Top getting past his trauma? What was that scene even about? I think, in the context of Mew's struggle with his place in Top's life, and his power in this relationship, it was about Mew understanding the invisible support he provides for Top, and why he's important to Top. Mew watched Top be competent and collected in the face of a triggering event, and was impressed at how Top had it all together, but Top credits Mew's presence for that. I think it helped Mew start to actually see a future with Top, because he understands his place in it a bit better. Even if he feels like he's not doing enough, Top sees his presence as strength, so maybe he doesn't need to worry quite so much about keeping score. But that's honestly me reaching, I struggled with that scene and think it was the weakest in the finale [and @lurkingshan I read your post and could believe that your read is true, that it was there to prove Top did have trauma].

Can I tell you how much I love how this show ended, with Mix's character smiling at Mew, and Top's nervous look? Because I think we've wrestled with Mew's confidence in this relationship for the whole show, but it's clear Top still feels unsettled/uncertain in this relationship and I love that we ended with him feeling threatened. This for me was the perfect ending for this couple, and what I've wanted as their ending all along--they're happy right now, they know there are potential bumps on the road in their future, and they're not certain they'll make it through, but they're willing to try--but the threats are real, and present, and not going to be easy because this relationship is not solid.

I also really appreciated what was happening with Boston and Nick, even though I wish it would have been more explicit or done better; what we got was still better than I expected from a GMMTV show. I loved Boston dissuading Nick from following him, and finding the romantic asks to be too many/too much, and having a different definition of "boyfriend" (but not different enough to not like to Nick's face about where you were, Boston, I see you). I love that Nick didn't get mad at Boston for "cheating", understood what Boston was offering for what it was; I also really loved Sand's advice to Nick that just because what's on offer is laid out honestly and fairly, that that means he has to accept it if it's not what he wants. I didn't love Boston trying to backtrack when Nick decided not to take him up on it; but I did love Nick's response, telling Boston to own who he is rather than trying to be someone he's not.

I think this is where my attempts the last couple of weeks to let go of what people will take from this show has helped, because yeah, you can see this as the narrative punishing Boston for being a slut, but this has never been a morality play, and so I'm taking from it how I see it. And I see it as Boston getting a clean slate with a bit more perspective going to New York. What I would say to Boston if he were my friend: This friend group was a mess and they always judged Boston for his sex life more than was deserved; they also violated his privacy by passing around his sex audio and never apologized for it. Boston also didn't take their feelings into consideration when he decided who to have sex with, and he messed with their relationships which was not being a good friend either. Does he actually want them back, or is he just feeling lonely? My hope for him is that he takes what he's learned about other people's feelings--that not everyone sees the world he does, and he has to understand that people will be hurt by different things whether or not they would hurt him, if he wants to retain relationships of any kind including friendships, and decide whether or not they're worth making concessions for before hurting them so that he doesn't lose people he doesn't want to--and finds folks who fit better with his worldview and morals, and then is better able to keep them in his life. But also these people are hypocrites, and he should not take their opinion as a statement of fact about his worth. He didn't do anything worse to them than they did to him or each other.

I know a lot of people are going to see this storyline as a punish the slut story. I was wrestling with this two episodes ago, maybe that's why I'm willing to be chill about this now. I was hoping we'd get Boston as a reason to discuss consensual non-monogamy in a GMMTV show, but I am actually ok with Nick saying listen, I need to be honest about what I want and it's not that, and Boston you shouldn't be trying to give me what I want because that's not going to make you happy either. Boston being alone isn't a sad ending; to me it's the ending he was expecting and aiming for this whole time. The only difference is he's surprised by how he feels about it now that he's in it, and he's panicking a bit. Boston was not just a slut, he was a slut who didn't care about who he hurt; it's that latter piece that he's wrestling with in this finale, and I love that Nick told him he didn't have to stop being a slut to stop being an asshole. Honestly, he'll get to New York and be fine, I really think so. And I took the Nick/Boston goodbye conversation as Nick saying "I love you as you are, a slut, and it's ok to be that. Go be a happy slut!" Do I wish he'd said that more explicitly so that people would understand that? Yes. But I've given up on that.

Cheum not going with the group to the fireworks was so interesting in the context of our conversations about Cheum over the past couple of days. I took this to be the show acknowledging explicitly that she's not actually a part of the core friend group; she schemes to keep the group together (unsuccessfully), and we don't ever get a sense of why she cares so much about that--maybe it's guilt for helping push out Boston for something he didn't do, maybe she needs the security of the group she's got, we never get that insight and I'm still a bit sad about that. But she's not there for the big fireworks finale, so we're at least clear that the show never intended her to be a Main Character. And I was so happy we got her saying her plan worked in the pool. Maybe that still won't be enough to convince the audience that she's an unreliable narrator, but it was satisfying for me! Also loved her unwrapping the photo from Boston and the group's uncomfortable reaction to it. Maybe Chuem's going to keep pushing that they reconcile; maybe she's just delusional about how well her plan worked. Either way, the tension was fun. I didn't get the full resolution of her character that I wanted, but the show nodding explicitly to the fact that she keeps herself apart from the main group so I shouldn't expect it was helpful to me getting over that. And we got a kiss! And another tiny insight into their relationship; again not enough to go on, but i did think it really interesting that the two things we know about April and Cheum are: April appreciates Cheum's positive energy, and April has asked Cheum to be more honest and not just positive for the sake of being positive (about her films). So I'm reading this as that these two are just as messy and as likely to continue to have problems as the rest of the group.

Ending in Sand and Ray because I think this is the least ambiguous; I appreciated that Sand started doing what Sand always does and saying "yeah I"ll sacrifice all of my sources of income for you no problem" (WHAT) and Ray waiting until they're alone again to say "actually that's ridiculous don't do that". I appreciated that Sand's new year plans were all about Ray because he hasn't had anything push him into actually being more selfish, and the resolution with Boeing was done for him so he didn't have to set boundaries after all (called that one), so he's had zero character growth, actually. I appreciate that Ray pushes him to try to be a little selfish, that's the best sign that Ray is finally actually caring about Sand's needs, and that their relationship might work, that I've seen the whole series. I'm taking it with a massive grain of salt, because the plan is for Ray to constantly expose himself to alcohol and partying. I think this is set up to be just as tenuous as the Mew/Top relationship, but it reads a bit more lovey-dovey because they're in a less problematic place at the moment (where they have just resolved one of their insecurities so they're more confident in one another--but it's not clear how long that will last, especially with the threat of Sand's self-sacrifice and Ray's fierce boundary-violating in the face of any threat looming in the background unresolved). Sand expressing his uncertainty around his role in the Hostel was also perfect, because he is an outsider in this project and doesn't have a role, and it's a perfect point for tension in the future between them.

Even the way Yo warns the group of friends in the very last scene that they're going to have to be better to one another and less dramatic in the future if they want this hostel to last felt ominous to me rather than preachy; have this group learned enough to make this business work? That definitely remains to be seen.

Nobody should be watching Only Friends with the idea that it's going to give them any kind of lesson about what to do; at best it's a list of what not to do's lol. None of these characters are perfect, they're all incredibly flawed, and young. So their choices, including whether or not to stay together, whether or not to stay friends, whether or not to stay in business, should not be read as a moral judgment by the showrunners. I definitely agree that this could have been more effective as a message if folks weren't happy at the end. But I've given up on it needing to be effective for everyone; they stayed in character to me, and it was effective for me.

I recognized so much of my friends and my youth in this series, and I am so grateful to have gotten to see that portrayed in a show that felt like a rollercoaster while I was watching it; I literally screamed aloud, I cheered, I laughed, I applauded. This show had characters casually snort coke, hook up, flirt with their exes, kiss their friends, make mistakes, forgive one another heinous shit, be mean, kiss outside their branded pairs, and in some cases let one another go.

There are a LOT of ways this show could have been better. It was close, so close in some cases, to being amazing, and it's fallen short in a lot of ways. It could have been a subversive and compelling narrative about slut shaming and the toxicity of fandom branded pairs. Instead, it was just a show about flawed people being flawed. But I had fun, and I'm not taking away from this show that any of these characters were in the right, or that sluts are bad, or need to change--whether it was the intended message, I've given up on that because I legitimately can't tell and if it is the message, I don't want to know. I don't think it overromanticized these flawed characters, but I can see how folks could see it that way. I'm choosing to remember that these characters have all been flawed and shown to be flawed throughout the show, and notice the ways in which they are still flawed, and the hints that things will stay messy. Maybe this is a bit like those experiments in which they found the way people in incarceration watch Die Hard very differently from how other people do or how it was intended LOL maybe I'm working too hard to justify what was just bad writing and gross moral judgments and toxic relationships being portrayed as romantic. But it didn't land that way for me, so I'm going to celebrate that and enjoy the feelings this show gave me.

#only friends the series #only friends meta #ofts meta #only friends #ofts #ephemerality squad #long post #typed so I can stop thinking it #I said it in the post but I'll say it again here: I don't think I'm taking a moral high ground or reflecting the creators most authenticall #I'm just watching the show in a way that lets me enjoy it even though I suspect it's saying things I don't like or morally agree with #that's not always something I'm able to do so I'm enjoying it while it lasts lol

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