#I think there's a lot to delve in here about choices and freedom and growing up without either

[lucky-slice]

Do you understand how much kevin respects neil? And i don't mean when it comes to exy, like sure there's a whole lot of you're not good enough followed by you will make court bluh bluh bluh, i mean fundamentally as a human.

Kevin and Neil's conversation after the truth of Neil's father is revealed drives me absolutely insane because I think it highlights a lot about how Kevin views Neil.

so indulge me for a bit....

I think a lot of people forget, in light of Andrew choking Kevin for not telling him the truth, that Kevin's initial reaction was to tell Neil to run.

*sorry for the quality - these are all screenshots off my phone

Kevin's instinct is to tell Neil to save himself, despite what that would mean for the team's success and for Kevin himself. This is significant to me for two reasons.

It highlights that Kevin genuinely cares about Neil outside of his exy potential. For most people, this would be a pretty obvious response to finding out your teammate has a guaranteed death sentence if they stick around, so it might not seem all that meaningful, but Kevin was raised in such an environment were you continued to play no matter what - even at the risk of death. Kevin is unflinchingly callous when it comes to exy and his teammates (*see his reaction to Seth's death), but he is frantic in his concern for Neil in contrast to his fairly passive response to basically anyone else's wellbeing outside of exy. Neil's death will have no real impact on Kevin. If Neil dies or goes to the ravens, nothing changes for Kevin. He is not at a greater risk of being hurt by Riko or the Moriyama's nor will his exy career be effected. That's not to say he would tell Neil to stay if he cared about him any less, but there is a desperation that implies a depth beyond just that of a teammate.

The fact that Kevin is frantic and desperate for Neil to leave, gives weight to his decision to keep teaching Neil in the aftermath of the revelation.

Neil doesn't want to run - he wants to be Neil Josten until the end. He gave Kevin his game and now he's asking him to keep it and Kevin obliges.

This is essentially Kevin promising that he will keep Neil's secret. He will allow Neil to wear his mask and continue teaching him despite the fact that Neil is essentially a dead man walking. This, to me, is Kevin ultimately respecting Neil and his choice. At any moment, Kevin has the ability to got to Wymack or Andrew and give Neil the chance at surviving, but that would mean betraying Neil.

Some people (certainly the foxes) would view refusing Neil's request as the proper and morally correct thing to do. But I think Kevin's immediate acceptance of Neil's decision is both immensely meaningful to Neil and also a signifier of a shared understanding between to two.

Imagine how impactful it must be for Neil, who has never had autonomy over his own life and has been marked for death basically since he was born, to be told that not only will his decisions and his autonomy be respected, but there is someone who will stand by his side on the court, knowing the whole truth, until the very end.

Kevin doesn't have much to offer Neil at this point. He can not give him a future - he'll be long dead before he can ever make court, and Kevin is a coward - he is not andrew, he can't stand up against the Moriyama's or Riko or Neil's father. Kevin can not protect Neil in a way that matters. All he can do is promise to keep Neil's secret and offer him a few more months of being Neil Josten.

I'm not including this to disparage Andrew or to suggest that he does not respect Neil, but this highlights that Kevin knows the decision to keep Neil's secret is one only Kevin would make. Andrew without a doubt would immediately try to get Neil to leave or attempt to get him into protection. I'm not passing a judgement of morality on what would've been the right thing to do, but I do think Kevin's reaction is indicative of the fact that Neil and Kevin understand each other in a way that no one else really will.

Neil and Kevin are a parallel's in a number of ways. Kevin lived the life that Neil was supposed to have and they are two parts of one story.

To them exy is not a game, but it's not really about exy either. It's about deciding to stay just to play for a couple more months even though you'll wind up dead because playing means you finally get to live after years of being a ghost. It's about playing to be the best no matter what, even though the consequences are having your hand smashed and the life you know completely demolished. It's about playing even though you're shaking with fear and anxiety because you need proof that your life, whether it be running to survive or living under an abusive hand, was not a waste.

Kevin agrees to keep Neil's secret because if the roles were reversed, Kevin would like to believe that he'd be strong enough to ask Neil for the same thing. This is obviously conjecture and a heavy heavy reading between the lines, but I'd like to think there's some truth there.

Finishing up with this line because it makes me a little emotional.

Kevin starts the conversation by calling Neil "Nathaniel" and ends it by calling him Neil again. Its right there in the text, "it was a promise". Kevin is offering Neil a life that is fully his - not his father's, not Riko's, but Neil's to do with what he would like, even if its only for a couple more months. If that's not respect, than I don't know what is.

[tatiejosie]

Bella/Mandrake trauma processing comic

That one's a little older than most of my projects, but it was my first time approaching the sore, complicated topic of Earwig's disband! I have straight-up nothing sketched out for this one.

After a movie night, Bella wakes up on the sofa, stuck right between a still-sleeping Earwig and Mandrake. As they find themselves adjusting to this newfound family life, they reflect on the evolution of their relationship across the years.

CW: very tuned-out, implied nsfw content.

Bella wants to stretch, but she’s tangled with Mandrake, Earwig, and the cat - ultimately, she decides that it’s just not worth it to disturb them. She pauses awkwardly, not knowing what to say, and looks up at Mandrake.

B Seems like we didn’t make it through the whole movie last night, eh…? M I did. You didn’t miss a lot. B … Oh. Well, little miss girlie here will probably want to catch up on the rest of the movie anyway… M But she stayed until the end. You’re the first one who fell asleep.

Bella is dumbfounded.

B Huh…? B-but… … Wait, what are we doing here then? You two didn’t bother to wake me up at the end?!

Mandrake observes Earwig quietly.

M I think… Dearwig just liked it here. She preferred to stay on the couch for the night because she had the occasion to sleep with us.

Bella is visibly flustered, fumbling for words.

B …O-oh, um… M I believe her… when she claims that she loves me. Are you still struggling to see that this girl loves you too?

------

M were you seriously considering that I didn’t… love you anymore?

Bella scoffs. She’s searching for her words. She doesn’t want to hurt Mandrake, but she’s struggling to translate her feelings into tactful sentences.

M You can be honest with me. (you have to.)

Bella loses patience and promptly abandons the diplomatic route.

B … It’s not like you were prone to show it in the first place. Y’know, even before- before all that…

Bella stiffens a little when she mentions the “before” part. She ditches her sentence.

B [sighs] I’m not resentful of you for that, I promise.

Mandrake stays quiet, expressionless as usual.

B For what it’s worth, it’s probably my fault.

------

She thought about the miserable decade that they spent under the same roof, going through some sort of growing, excruciating estrangement. It was almost like a punishment for what happened in the past. Some sort of constant reminder that she might have screwed up. It kind of reinforced this feeling, in a way. She was distanced and isolated and miserable… and at her lowest point, she was even convinced that she deserved it. At best, she felt an abstract sense of freedom, safely out of his aim/sight as she obeyed him and maintained everything in order for him to be satisfied. At worst, she felt shackled with fear. The crippling fear that he could let go of her at any moment, for any reason. The gut-wrenching feeling of being scrutinised every minute of the day. How much it could hurt when he broke into another scorching meltdown.

----

They still shared some things, after all. A roof, a few carefully timed moments embedded by his routine, meals of his choice. An occasional touch. Touch that sometimes delved into more than just touch, initiated by nothing else than serendipity. Still under the strict, implicit rule that nothing other than primal responses were allowed. No words, no discussion. They ride out each other’s climax, they let go of each other, then they part ways and pretend that nothing happened.And Bella would hang on to these few shared moments as if her life depended on it.

—-

Bella is startled.

B … m… me?

Mandrake considers his words.

M Since we broke off the band…

Bella holds her breath. It might be too much.

M I know you were hurt. And I know you’re still hurting.

Bella shuts her eyes.

M Yet, you kept moving on. That… I just couldn’t do. I was so distraught, I think I’ve lost myself. And I was most definitely drifting away, but… your presence kept me anchored in reality. I think, In the end… I had you to look out for. But I just wasn’t ready… or brave enough… to come back to you.

Mandrake pauses for a bit. He sighs.

M I’m… still wondering why you kept holding on to m-

B Why would I ever want to let you go?!

[harvestschool1]

Tips to Improve Your Children Learning Skills In School

The word "learning skills" refers to activities that help a youngster improve retention while also enhancing learning. In schools in bangalore Learning skills include a variety of things, such as time management and money management abilities, effective note-taking and reading techniques, study techniques, test-taking strategies, and more. In schools in Bangalore

Here are some ways you can support your children learning skills in Schools in Bangalore.

Create the Right Environment

Where do your children often read or study material for lessons? Where they can do all of things, you should make a corner for them. Do they have enough room on their desk for their laptop or computer, books, and other items? What about their school materials and folders in addition to everything else they require?

Place a Book for Reading

Reading is a crucial ability that is required for many learning tasks. In schools in bangalore, Put a reading book in your children's room if you wish to boost their school performance in schools in Bangalore. They will be inspired to open their books and delve in if they have the ideal reading location.

Offer Access

Give your kids plenty of reading material to encourage their curiosity and hunger for knowledge. By making those available, it will be simpler for individuals to hunt up information on topics that interest them. In schools in bangalore, It might encourage them to read more and seek out further knowledge, which would enhance their reading abilities.

Let them Decide

Allowing your children to choose their reading material is one approach to engage them in the activity in schools in bangalore. They won't even need to be urged if they're already interested. They'll take the book and start reading. Find out what interests your children have if you want to raise readers. Allow kids to select their own books and look for tales that inspire imagination, connect with them, and enable them dream and escape from reality.

Provide Alternatives

It's beneficial to teach your children independence. Give them as many choices as you can to decide. You will have a lot of power over what they do while still young. As much as you can, let them be in control. Giving your children options demonstrates to them the value of choice and your own freedom to make decisions. This encourages kids to become less reliant on you for everything, including their opinions, mindsets, thoughts, beliefs, and more, and more independent. It begins with decisions, but if you teach kids to think independently, you won't have to worry about them developing no opinions as adults.

Offer options

Teaching your children independence is a fantastic idea. Give them options as much as you can. Let them decide. You will be able to influence a lot of what they do while still young. As much as you can, let them be the ones in charge. By providing options for your children, you are teaching them the value of freedom of choice. As a result, they become less reliant on you for everything—including their opinions, mindsets, thoughts, beliefs, and more—and instead develop their independence. It begins with decisions, but by teaching kids to think independently, you can stop worrying that they'll grow up with no opinions of their own. In schools in bangalore

Promote Communication

Please allow your children to communicate their likes and dislikes. Make sure your home has the right kind of atmosphere so that your family members feel free to express themselves. They will only be open and sincere about their sentiments, not insulting. Tell them that you value their opinions, that you pay attention to them, that they are free to agree or disagree with you, and that you won't criticise or disparage them because of a belief or notion. Both you and others won't prevent them from expressing their emotions.

Encourage Them to Seek Assistance

Ensure that your children are aware that they can turn to you for anything. What if they have a problem? They can talk to you about it. If they have any questions regarding the lessons, the assignments, or anything else, you should be present to answer them. They shouldn't be reluctant to tell the teacher if they have the same feelings in class. They shouldn't be embarrassed to request assistance. Make this behaviour acceptable. that it's okay to make contact and let folks know you need their assistance.

Concentrate on Their Interests

Give your children the freedom to investigate the subjects they find fascinating. What concepts and ideas spark their interest? Provide your children with engaging books, games, or apps about the subject. When children learn more about what they are interested in, learning becomes lot more enjoyable, and as a result, their reading and comprehension abilities quickly advance.

Use various learning methods

Children develop at an unique rate. That's because they find various teaching methods appealing. Others prefer silence, while some learn more well with visual assistance. Some people like to discuss the subject or generate ideas with a group or team, while others feel more at ease when they are alone. Try out a variety of learning approaches to see which ones your children prefer. You can then decide which teaching methods are the most successful with your children. You can do additional study on those activities to give your children the opportunity to grow up with privilege and respect.

Conclusion

Above mentioned points are the best to improve your children learning skills in school. And Harvest International School is the best schools in bangalore for education sector. Where you cam give best education for your children.

[cwnahyoung]

KWAK AHYOUNG’S ROYAL REPORT

who is this clover fourth tier royal? what is she about? what is she hiding? and who is she paying attention to? 

though she is not one to abide by orders and do what she is instructed to do to make her be ranked up to higher tiers, she didn’t think that filling out a report would be much of a big deal. a part of her wonders as to why the queen would want her to do this in the first place, considering she expected to do something more… verbal rather than something written. but she’d rather be writing about her experience so far as a “princess in training” in her room rather than going out and making sure she’s drinking tea the right way at a garden party. 

as she reads the prompts of which she should answer in her report, her brows furrowed. why was there so many questions? surely, she isn’t expected to answer all of them, is she? no. she is only expected to answer three at least… but perhaps she could get on their royal highnesses nerves as a way to continue with being at the fourth tier. she was comfortable here, even if she could be possibly be kicked out of this life if she continued with her fooling around any longer. she’ll give them what they want… she’ll give them way more than what they want from her. 

what would you say is your biggest fears? how would you cope if you were to face them in your life as a princess? 

what a loaded question! she already knew the answer to this question, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to let it be known to them of all people what it was. then again… perhaps if she went on about her answer, they’ll grow tired and end up not reading it all. perhaps she should do that with all of her answers from here on out! that wouldn’t be much of an issue, would it? 

she decides to save that particular question for later because obviously, she wants the least vulnerable answer to be the one the royals will be less likely to read. 

in fact, she finds herself looking through past a lot of the prompts. of course, she plans on answering all of them, but she wants to make sure she doesn’t immediately make the queen think she’s putting her heart on her sleeve. she’d rather die than let anyone be aware of that. 

TRIGGER WARNING FOR DEATH, DEPRESSION, EMOTIONAL ABUSE 

in the case you were not in your position in your kingdom right now, what else would you be doing in this moment? 

an easy question, really. she feels like she’s made it obvious to everyone about how she really didn’t want to be here. she did not wish to be living this life of luxury and power like her mother forced her to. she’s pretty sure she made some people question why she was here in the first place. even now, her heart still yearns for a certain path that grows distant from her every second she spends in the clover kingdom—or any of the kingdoms, for that matter. the most she can do is daydream… that, or have this whole competition for the throne to be over so she can go back to her normal life like she wanted to. 

she writes the following: 

“i wish to be a performer like my father. it has been my dream since i was merely a child. i have grown up loving music ever since the day i was born. had it not been for certain circumstances, i would try to pursue my music journey in another country far away from where the kingdoms are. perhaps, even farther away than where my family are. i’d like to believe my father would be happy for now, had i gone for that path rather than the current one i’m in now. as of now, his opinion doesn’t really affect my future anymore… unfortunately.” 

what would you do if your title was suddenly stripped and you were banished from the palace? 

an interesting question to consider and most definitely something the girl wouldn’t really seem to mind that much. though she’s found some company that’s made her stay at the clover kingdom, let alone the other kingdoms that surround the center of diamonds, she still would rather be anywhere else but in the position she was in right now. royal life was simply not ahyoung’s calling, no matter who or what tries to convince her otherwise. so, even though many people would consider banishment to be an awful punishment, she mainly saw it as an escape. a ticket to freedom provided by whatever action she has done. of course, she doesn’t have the balls to actually do something scandalous enough to get her banished, but if the opportunity was easier than it sounded… who was she to reject it? 

she writes down: 

“perhaps, i’d continue to live my life as it was before i arrived at the palace. even if my father is not here with me, meaning my journey to having a music career will be more difficult than it was before, i will continue to try and pursue that career path, as i believe it is my destiny. will it be even more complicated, as i’ll be known for my banishment? perhaps, but i could also use that as an opportunity to gain attention for what i wish to do in the future. the more people who will pay attention to me, the more likely i am to be successful in the music industry… right? that’s how it works, nowadays!” 

onto the next question that wasn’t anything too uncomfortable for her. 

if you could do something that would normally cost you your  title but without receiving those repercussions, what would it be?

an interesting question, as ahyoung couldn’t really see herself really breaking any rules just because she felt like it. if she wouldn’t have to get a bunch of scary punishments for it, she might’ve considered. but with how over-the-top the kingdoms were, especially the queen of clovers herself, ahyoung wouldn’t risk to do anything… however, if she were to not receive any kind of repercussions, her mind begins to delve into thoughts of what she could do. when she thinks of some ideas, she immediately writes them down on the paper so that she doesn’t forget. 

“i’d slap the queen of clovers in the face. i know that sounds very bold of me and i would never do that intentionally to hurt her majesty. but i feel like if i did that, i’d prove a point to let everyone know how much this entire process means so little to me. not only that, but if i took the opportunity to disrespect her majesty while also getting away with it, i can already imagine how my beloved mother would behave. and i love nothing more than to see her be embarrassed because it’s what she deserves for being so kind and lovely to me.” 

which other royal do you think is your biggest competition and why? would you eliminate them if given the chance? why why not? 

she wasn’t really sure if she had an answer for this. because if she had to be truthfully honest, she really didn’t care much about the throne. she was only here because her mother forced her to and she was willing to not try at all until the day she eventually finds herself kicked out of the palace for wasting the queen’s time. but of course, stubborn to make sure that the queen plans to not read through all of her answers, she decides to come up with a random answer to this question, based on how she interacts with others. 

“if i had to be honest, i think that baek dabin would be my biggest competition, considering we are both on the fourth tier in the clover kingdom. she likes to think of me as her main rival and while i don’t really see much point in the throne, i like poking fun into the rival concept every now and then because i think it’s entertaining how she thinks i’m actually trying when it comes to this whole entire ‘royalty turns to princess’ thing. and though i wouldn’t really consider him my biggest competition, i do want to be able to see if i can try and take choi jaejin down. i’m not particular fond of him. i feel like he patronizes me because of my low tier, but not in the way that han hyunsu does. while hyunsu is vocally arrogant and likes being upfront about his dislike for me, jaejin does it in a way that makes me feel uneasy rather than annoyed. really, i feel like i want the hearts prince to actually leave me alone rather than the other… who i don’t really mind much. that being said, though those are the people who i’d see as competition, i don’t think i’d try to eliminate them. i think that’s reaching a little too far, not to mention i think they have a better chance at getting the throne than me anyways. at least they want it.” 

if had had the choice to either a) gain the crown but your best friend is killed, or b) save your best friend but lose the crown, what would you do?

when she reads the word “best friend”, her mind automatically jumps to the thought of him: son junyoung. she’s known the prince since he was practically a baby and the two have been through a lot together, even spending a few years away from each other before rekindling their friendship when ahyoung arrived at the clover kingdom. he’s the person that made her feel comfortable in this new life of hers, considering he’s had more experience with it and he, being the kind hearted gentleman that he is, was willing to help her along the way. to think of a reality in which she was able to get the crown rather than him… that sounded unreal, especially given the fact that she feels he deserves it more than she does. it’s not only the fact that she saw no purpose in being official royalty, but it’s more on the fact that jun needed that crown. he needed it for the most selfless reasons, meanwhile ahyoung’s mother wanted her to get it for selfish reasons. 

besides… if she had to witness another death of a loved one that she could be able to prevent from happening, she could never forgive herself. she’s already lost her father. with the fact that she just got jjuni back in her life, she didn’t want to lose her precious friend yet again… but forever, this time. 

“i’d easily choose option b, in which i save my best friend but lose the crown. to me, the crown is not that much of a big deal. it is not the reason why i’ve decided to stay a little longer in the kingdom rather than up and quit. my friendships with everyone here is what keeps me going and what makes me try even a little at staying in the palace for longer than i want to. not to mention, i had just reunited with my best friend. to lose him all because i’ve decided to be selfish… that’d be a grave sin that i’d never ever be able to recover from.” 

what is your biggest desire? 

easily a question ahyoung could answer. she feels as if most of her answers from before were already indicating it. at the end of the day, what else could she want in life? her true dream life was answered in the first question she answered and though her path to getting to that dream career seems more impossible than it did before, kwak ahyoung still found herself holding onto a little bit of hope. 

even now, as a royal, she finds herself trying her best to surround herself with whatever she can get of that desire. she’d play the piano in one of the rooms in the palace and sing to random songs by herself so that she could be able to relieve her stress or anger or whatever upset emotion she felt in that present moment. no matter where she is, that desire always finds a way to reach out to her in the times she needs it, whether it be as solace or even as a friend. 

“music is my desire. it always has been and probably always will be. i still wish to be a musician, but i get enough joy playing the piano and singing songs to myself. i also enjoy going to opera shows in the hearts kingdom whenever i can, even if that’s not the style of singing i’m totally experienced in. in general, music is my remedy. it is my comfort. it is my love. i would die without it.”  

and it’s after this question that she returns to the question that threw her off in the first place. 

what is your biggest fear? 

“disappointing my father.” 

she wonders if it’s appropriate for her to write more. after all, she wants to ramble as much as she can so that no one would have the energy to read it… but at the same time, it’s hard to talk about. after all, it’s the reason why she’s here to begin with. her mother told her that the least she could do in honor of her dad is do the one thing he’s worked so hard to keep her from being, making it sound as if ahyoung’s wish to not be a princess was a burden to the whole family. and even if she hasn’t said it, a part of her wonders if her mom thinks the same as her. that if it hadn’t been for her, he’d still be here right now. 

it’s all ahyoung’s fault as to why she’s here. she just refuses to admit it because she wants to still find herself likeable.

she doesn’t want to believe her mother’s words, no matter how much they apply to her. 

what is your biggest secret? (when answering this question, know that this answer is confidential and only the highness of your kingdom will read it.) 

“fuck off.” 

they did not need to know about her guilt over the accident. no one needed to know that she was the one who was driving the car. that had she been more careful, this whole entire situation could’ve been avoided. sure she didn’t mean to do it. the accident was simply an accident! but even then, the girl wakes up in the middle of some nights drenched in sweat, haunted by the nightmares in which she sees the car crashing right into them, the car flipping over on its side and how she screams for her dad’s name before she sees black. 

she doesn’t trust herself to get behind the wheel. hell, she can’t even trust herself to be at the front seats. she knows it’s not her fault. she knows that it’s not her fault that the car came at her. their light was green, after all. it was the other driver’s fault. but even so, she remembers waking up in that hospital room and crying when she heard of the news. because at the end of the day, she was the one near him. she could’ve saved him at that moment. 

but she didn’t. 

what is your biggest regret? 

kwak ahyoung is a flawed human being. 

regardless if it was against her wishes, she could have complied with her mother’s pleas of getting her into the royal life earlier on. that way, she wouldn’t be as much of a burden in the family. 

she wouldn’t have burdened her father with a wish that he’d have to fight with the hopes of it coming true and seeing her smile. so that way, on the day after his funeral, she wouldn’t have been told by her mother about how she had to make it up to him for burdening him so long until the day that he died. 

that way, she wouldn’t have yelled at jun for leaving her for the royal life, seeing him doing it for his family as an “act of betrayal” because he told her a completely different reason. she wouldn’t have cursed at him and told him that she hope she’d never see him again. 

she wouldn’t be here in this palace, despite her wishes against it, because of the accident that was caused by her. because of her father’s sacrifice for her. 

with a sigh, she writes down her last answer before completing her report. 

“surviving.” 

[dianaburnwood]

Sorry for the inbox spam but it's so nice to talk about the game finally <3 were there any story or gameplay parts that you didn't like? Or is it too early to say?

Definitely never apologize for inbox spam about Hitman :) 

My first impressions post is here, for those interested. 

You’re asking me for story analysis here and this will get a bit rambley I’m sure, but sorry in advance because I have THOUGHTS

The status quo 

Firstly, I will say that I applaud IO by telling the story they wanted to tell. Yes, absolutely, in many ways this was Blood Money 2.0, but it also delved into Absolution, Contracts, Silent Assassin, and Codename 47 (I can go into more detail on how it draws from all of them, but you can probably guess). 

This trilogy, but especially this game, is a love letter to the entire Hitman series. It goes straight to the heart of what Hitman has been about since the very beginning. Choices. Freedom. Control. Fate. What does it mean to be human. 

Not to sound up my own ass, but as a professional writer I knew they’d have to end with a return to the status quo. It’s the only way to leave the series open to continuation. Grey and Olivia had to be out of the picture by the end. I was shocked that Grey was killed so early though, but I have to say it was nice that he was actually true to 47 all along. I think 47 really needed that. We can delve deep into issues of survivor’s guilt here too, as Grey only died to protect 47. I guess he finally repaid his debt from Romania. 

I do think the only fair way for Grey to die was to take himself out, and I appreciate that. He is honourable, he is righteous, he has his own code. He would never let himself be taken alive. And yet, I do wonder if he still would have shot himself if 47 wasn’t there. He might have let himself be taken and then work out a way to escape later. But in the end, he had no choice if he was to save 47. He wished they had more time - he didn’t even get to enjoy his freedom - but he got what he wanted and the story no longer needed him.

Gameplay

In terms of gameplay, there really isn’t anything I didn’t like. IOI went above and beyond in taking risks here. We got a linear level, we got a level with hidden targets, we got levels with non-target objectives, we got investigate gameplay, we got multiple partners to assist, we got narrative mission exits, etc. Tbh the most “traditional” level in terms of trilogy gameplay was Chongqing. 

The camera and shortcut unlocks were a wonderful addition to the series, and it opens up the levels in great ways, with vents, walkways, passages, etc. Hitman maps are always extremely re-playable, but now? OMG, the possibilities seem endless. 

It would have been all too easy for IOI to stick with what they knew worked. And I think that’s why they decided to go all out for the end of the trilogy. Now was the time to take risks if they were going to take them - and I’m so glad they did. 

Character arc

I’ve written about this a bit already, but I’m gonna keep going :D 

47. What are his choices? What could he choose? 

In Mendoza, Diana offers him a chance for the future. She asks him about retiring somewhere like Mendoza, as he’s not going to work forever. And he responds saying he has started thinking about the future.

I really wonder how that future worked out - cos he took a year off at the end of the game. Where did he go? Did he keep to himself? Did he try to have a life? Did the loneliness, the isolation, the lack of purpose eat him alive until he came back to her?

What is the life that 47 wants for himself? We see his worst fears given a voice - Diana’s voice - when we get that wonderful look into his psyche. And Diana really dug deep here, and wow, it hurt to watch. We all knew she was pulling a Blood Money, but with ICA/Providence guards all around them, she really had to let 47 have it. And yet, while she spat vicious words for show, she used the opportunity to forgive him. To let him know that he didn’t have a choice in killing her parents, and she knew it. 

But damn. 47 trusted Diana without question. Unwavering loyalty, all the way through this trilogy. And yet, doubt crept in. Her words gnaw at his own worst fears about himself - and in case we missed it, Grey spells it out for us :D Grey, representing 47′s emotions, shaking off his fears, and knowing that Diana was giving him the only opportunity to get close to Edwards. 

Rationally he would have known that Diana would never do this to him. But the psychological analysis of 47 in this game is really superb. He worries that he is just the tool that Providence made him to be. That his life with Diana, the ICA, the contracts, it was all “a wall to shield him” from that terrible truth. 

So, what’s the alternative? Give it up. Run away. He tried it before at the end of C47, but he was running from the past. This time, he realises through the voice of Diana that he must embrace the past. That’s the only way forward. 

And so he does. And I love that. Because 47 can never get away from the fact that he is an engineered killer. Before, in Silent Assassin and Blood Money, that fact angered him. It made him feel trapped, alone. Now, he has a new perspective. He chooses the truth he likes. He needs to embrace his past to be released from it. He needs to finally, FINALLY, come to terms with who he is, what he has done, and what he needs to do to move on. 

Is this a conscience developing? I’ve talked a lot about his emotions before, and how we have seen him experience guilt. Is that growing? I’m not so sure. I think it’s more that he knows he has done wrong, he knows that feels wrong, but he does want to do what’s right. And so, he chooses his life this time, as an antidote, a foil, to corruption. 

Because he truly believes that Diana is untouchable. She is incorruptible. 

But in choosing this life for himself, he is still a weapon, a tool to be wielded, and he trusts Diana to quite literally point him in the right direction. But is that enough to be happy?

The thing with 47 is that I think happiness will always be out of his reach. But freedom? He has to choose that for himself. He’s not ready to let Diana go - perhaps even less ready than Diana herself at this stage. HITMAN 3 really shoved his loyalty for her in our faces from the beginning. And after 20 years, they have trust, they have affection, they have devotion to each other. So the real question is, in choosing Diana, has 47 chosen his own path? Or is he still choosing to have her pick it for him?

And is choosing someone better than choosing something?

[alyssa-ward]

The Voice in the Dark

[ Alyssa’s perspective of Cessation ]

Things have been quiet.  Kat doesn’t talk much...Alyssa doesn’t talk much either.  It’s been like this since they reunited...they said their sweet words.  They expressed the fear of loss, shared regrets.  Sometimes Alyssa slips a comment in here.  Sometimes Kat says hello.  On occasion...more often...Kat reads to her, Gilnean poetry, short stories, whatever fills the woman’s time is often shared now with the lady in the Dagger.

But beyond that, things are quieter, Alyssa withdrawn, Kat distracted.  They speak the most when they train, when Kat feeds power of different types into the dagger in preparation for whatever battle is to come, some fight she’s kept the Warlock in the dark on, forcing trust.

It’s in that context, that Alyssa nearly misses the waft of uncertainty that flows over the blade.  The silence and stillness that radiates from Kat.  It’s a starkly lonely feeling when it comes, more so than the Director’s often introspective and darker moods.  It’s enough to pull Alyssa out of her meditations.

"You're not alone."  The words come almost unbidden, as Alyssa offers up some reassurance to whatever this peculiar mood is.

"I know," Kat responds tentatively, "I'm never alone. Always been a blessing and a curse."

The answer clearly pertains to far more than the ever present Dagger, but the response still rattles Alyssa’s bars. "Maybe we'll get to the place where it's more the first and less the latter."

"Been this way since I was twelve, so I doubt it..." Kat trails off into silence again.  A darkness fills the space at the edge of the woods in the grove.  Darker than the usual dimness between the trees.  Alyssa notes it, but doesn’t act.  Yet.

"What can I do to help?" The question the Warlock asks in that moment instead.  In her head, it means more than simply ‘how can I help’ with the alone problem.  It’s a more general question, a feeling that something is about to happen that she’ll be needed for.

"Don't die."  A not so reassuring request from Kat.

"You first."

"No promises."

Of course.  Alyssa finishes with, "same...but I'll do my best. I've decided I'm not really ready to be dead."  The statement gets some discomfort back across the link that Aly doesn’t really get time to analyze.  Not when things begin to happen so quickly after.

There’s only a brief pause before a surge of darkness rolls over Alyssa’s grove.  It’s different, more raw and primal than what she experienced in Uldum and the Vale, and it makes her heart run cold.  Nothing should feel more daunting than the presence of N’zoth and yet this does.  The first thing she focuses on is containment.  Defensive measures around her liminal space, a barrier that keeps whatever is encroaching on her out.  “How much?”  She sends the thought to Kat, trying to learn just how bad this is going to be.

“Pace yourself.  This is going to be more of a marathon than a sprint.”  Kat’s answer isn’t very reassuring, it’s distracted too, her thoughts seemingly focused elsewhere.  

Whatever is oozing in and around the protective barriers of the grove within the dagger seems like a living thing, an active intent made of Void and darkness.  “I will then,” the strained response as she reinforces barriers, feeling now the lingering sense of being inspected, like a bug under a microscope.  Whatever this entity is, it probes at her barriers, envelopes them, the rest of the forest beyond her protective measures blotted out to nothing.

Kat’s connection seems to weaken too.  Whatever this is feels like a thin sheen of a barrier between them.  The woman who holds the weapon is still there, but there’s a numbness to it, emotions and tones muted.

The probing at her barriers becomes more focused, and a figure emerges from the Darkness that surrounds her, walking right up to the intangible wall of force that Alyssa uses to hold it out.  “Defensive, darling?”  It’s voice sounds like Kat’s but pitch shifted.  A lower tone, menace, and nails scraping against the soul.  In response to it’s approach, Alyssa cautiously alters her barriers, allowing it closer on that side, making it easier to see the shape of a dark wolf with blood red eyes stalking her perimeter.

“My natural state,” Alyssa replies as she adjusts barriers.  “‘O do I ‘ave the pleasure o’meetin’ today?”  Within the blade, speaking face to face with another entity, her voice is hers once more.  Whatever presence this thing exerts though, allows very little of those to be expressed in thought to Kat.  For now...Alyssa is isolated.

"Oh, I've always been here, luv'."  A soft rolling chuckle followed the statement, the wolf now directly against the barrier.  "The part she tries so desperately to lock away, to ignore, to pretend never exists."

"Y'doin' not so great a job o'bein' ignored. If you've always been 'ere, then why are we just meetin' now? Figure if I was of real interest, it wouldn't 'ave taken so long."  Alyssa’s response is snippy, irritable.  That this thing claims such closeness and she’s never encountered it bothers her.  Even now, after all this time...so many secrets.

"Oh, you're not so much of interest. Couldn't be. Not a choice, really. Though I should thank you for breaking the shackles."  Alyssa’s heart tightens at the entity's words.  Did the damage she did on accident to Kat’s bracers free somethin else?  She hardens herself, not just her defensive barriers, and retorts.

"Can we cut niceties and get t'the part where you're goin' t’offer me some sort o’deal or trade t'get somethin' you're wantin' out o'this? Only reason you'd be investigatin' this not so interestin' soul now. Don't ply me with y'thanks...just cut t'the point."

"Feisty," the wolf remarked, "no wonder she cares about you." As it stepped to the left the wolf shifted into a human form, a shadowy and eyeless silhouette of Kat. "Deal or trade? Oh you have it all wrong. See she's the one here to trade, not you. You've never been curious where exactly her power comes from?" The shade scoffed. "She owes me and I wager you're the bargaining chip. Value is still...in appraisal."

That does throw Alyssa off guard a bit. "You're lyin'..." her reply is a bit defensive. "She wouldn' do that."  Yet in her mind plays all of her history with Kat Hawke.  Could it really be this, after everything?  Could her heartfelt words and the regret when she awoke have just been an act?  It’s possible.

The shade cackles. "We're talking about the same woman, right?" The sardonic tone echoed deeply. "Name's Erzis. Should we get familiar now, or after the trade?"

"Assumin' I believed it could even 'appen," she forces herself to echo that sardonic tone, "what would that trade even mean?"  Best to buy for time and information.

"Oh don't be naïve," Erzis scoffed, "you collected souls. No? The stench of fel still lingers here, warlock."  Those words give an odd sense of relief to the Warlock in the blade.  If all that’s to be done is the expenditure of power with her soul then there should be nothing...no end, no afterlife, just blissful darkness.  One learns a lot about ones self when put on the line.  She may have said earlier that she’s not ready to be dead...but to simply be gone?  That could be okay.

"As borin' as that? I don' talk to the souls I collect, I expend them for power. Doesn' sound then, if I'm given to you, like we'll do much gettin' to know each other at all."

"Oh you'd very much be expensed." The statement quickly came. "The hierarchy of the Void is power based. We consume, and grow. Simple as that, but I know it's hard for the morals to comprehend, often selecting one given truth and sticking to it."

"It's the truth we got. Part of why I don' dip my fingers in that sort o'magic. It's interestin' academically but not my cup o' coffee." She approaches the limits of the barrier, coming closer to the shadow version of Kat. For a moment a pang of emotion flows across the link, and perhaps into Erzis too if it can feel such things. Seeing her again, even like this, has a stronger impact on her than she expected. "Since we got nothin' better to do durin' whatever is 'appenin', sure. We can play a get to know you game. I'm Alyssa Ward. Can't say it's a pleasure, but it's interestin' t'meet you Erzis."  This cockiness, the rebellious and hostile responses.  It helps her not really examine her own intentions around the void.

For everything that’s happened, with her lost connection to the Twisting Nether, in some ways Alyssa feels more free of her addictions than she ever has.  But then...she also travels at the hip of a woman who has pumped her, over and over again, with a wholly new and intoxicating drug.  Maybe the Void wasn’t Alyssa’s to delve into before.  Now it rings like desire and tastes like ice wine.  Best to focus on sass, and ignore the siren song of new addictions.

"I'm sure." Erzis seemed dismissive. "There's power here, nearly equal. Perhaps you would be an equal trade."

"I think m'knowledge 'as more strength than the strength o'my soul, but I don' consider things the same as you do. What does she get out o'this?"  Focus on the conversation.  Ignore the potential power.

"Freedom. Oh, and not dying. But who cares about that."

A twitch of lips. A wash of complicated emotions. "'ow much say do I 'ave in this? Could I expedite the process...if I wanted?"

Erzis snorts, or what passes for one. "From in here? Doubtful. Things like us, don't care for the currency acting up."  The thing, Erzis, seemingly misses the offer Alyssa was trying to make.

"Even if the currency actin' up makes the deal go through?"  The thoughts racing through Alyssa’s mind are two fold.  One part wants the potential power and knowledge that could come with the trade.  The faith in herself that if she was given to this entity, that she could overcome it, learn from it rather than being destroyed.  The other part of her...even after everything that has happened...wants to save Kat.  She believes still, with all her heart that Kat isn’t really looking to trade her away...but what if Alyssa could make the trade happen in spite of that, buy the woman her freedom.  On the other side of that is a chance at power, or to become nothing.  For Kat, Alyssa has decided in the moment, she would take that risk.

"Ugh. Humans. Always trying to out hero the other." Erzis moves away from the barrier. "That's the problem with you all. Emotions. Disgusting."

"Technically, I'm not 'uman anymore," Alyssa notes. "By two degrees even at this point."  Afflicted with the Worgen first, and now hardly even that, a shade in a weapon.  Alyssa is a consciousness, no longer attached to such mortal needs.

"Touché. A soul is still—" Erzis cut off, casting the empty gaze in the direction of Kat's soul. "Shame..." In the blink of an eye the less Void lord vanished.  Unexpected.  Alyssa’s gaze flicks towards the soul as well, trying to see whatever Erzis saw.

“You okay?”  Some of the film of numbness is gone, making it easier to speak to Kat.

“Yeah.”  A distracted and wholly uninformative response.  As usual.

"Ezris spoke to me. It wanted me to believe you were trading me away in payment."  Kat doesn’t respond to that either.  Of course she doesn’t.  Why would she ever bother to do anything to reassure the woman she murdered but claims to love.  It’s typical.

Regardless, Alyssa focuses inward on herself.  The conversation had been draining.  Everything lately is draining, so relaxes the hold on her defensive barriers, prepared to re-brace if Erzis returns, but for now biding her energy.  It’s what feels like another eternity of nothing.  Kat’s soul in its own clearing to the side of the grove shifts and twists.  It burns the blue and gold of Azerite, the light and void within it flare and dissipate.  She must be fighting.

In spite of their distance.  In spite of her irritation with Kat’s refusal to ever let her in on what’s really going on...Alyssa helps.  No longer focusing on her own defense, she feeds energy into Kat’s soul, a process she’s gotten very good at.  She expends bits of herself to refuel and top of the woman for whatever fight she has, a measured pacing of herself.  She’ll recharge later.

It feels like time has stopped, like this is all it will ever be, when things abruptly change again after an amount of time the Shade in the Dagger can hardly even begin to parse.  Kat manages to slice Erzis with the Dagger, and it illuminates Alyssa’s world in vibrant purple and Void.

A gateway to Erzis as an entity opens within her little grove.  Tendrils of Void and darkness spill forth from it, gripping and ripping at trees, tearing and rending the landscape.  Alyssa throws hands forward, and chains of Soul magic wrap about Erzis’ tendrils.  She yanks.  Normally she’d rip the whole soul of an entity out in the process, but this thing is far more than that, a fathomless bottomless void.  She only succeeds in tearing free a chunk of what makes it what it is.  Even that is nearly unfathomable and impossible to wrangle.

Hands collapse together, crushing the portion of the Void Lord into one of the pulsing and glowing crystals she uses to contain souls, even that sends shivers of power up her arms and through her mind.  Her body, such as it is, runs hot and cold as the icy grip off the Void continues to rip and tear at the environment around her...and then just as quickly, the dagger is no longer touching, the portal closes, and Alyssa is left holding her stolen piece of power.

The Grove flickers in fluctuation with Alyssa’s spirit.  The blade in the real world flashes light and dark and red and teal as she battles with the power she’s been given.  Here in the manifestation of her mind, winter snow blows over parts of her Grove while trees rage in flames.  The moon and stars above blotted out in darkness, her consciousness shakes and trembles with the effort of holding on to this piece of an incomprehensible entity.

"Now."  Kat’s voice cuts into her consciousness.  It’s a relief, an open offering to relieve herself of this power.

Just as they practiced, time and again, Alyssa casts forth the power she’s holding.  The soul crystal she imprisoned a portion of Erzis in shatters, its energies flowing into and around Kat’s soul.  The rose on the pommel of the dagger glows intensely with the power of the void as it flows forth from Alyssa’s grip and into Kat Hawke to be used as needed.

The energy is spent almost immediately.  Kat’s soul dims with the power expelled, the chaotic dance of Light and Dark slowing to an eerie crawl.  Alyssa collapses, her consciousness flickering, the blade itself dimmer too.  Dim, but not out.

This time...she doesn’t ask any questions, and Kat doesn’t say a word either.  There’s no thanks forthcoming.  The only sensation that comes off the Dagger is one of resignation and exhaustion.  Why ask how it went.  Why ask how it will go.  While talking with Erzis, Alyssa was ready to give up her life and existence in the trade, to let Kat have her freedom.

Now she lies in the dark of her Grove on a bed of snow, as the stars above wink back into existence one by one, and asks no questions, and tells no stories.  Kat will continue to use her as she will, and that, it seems, is how things will be.

[ @kat-hawke​ ]

[talesfromgringolandia]

Underwing Challenge Day 4 - What’s the world of your WIP like?

So first of all, the world of Bo and Shen is incomplete. There’s a lot of gaps that I haven’t gotten to yet, mostly names and stuff.

For example, there’s this big blur of the history of the early years of the Venus colony. Essentially, Earth colonized the entire solar system, including Venus. Then there was a massive war, and Earth lost, leaving Venus completely stranded, without communication to the outside world.

Some basic info on Venus: The air pressure at the surface is equal to 90 earth atmospheres, making it completely uninhabitable. But it was also rich in minerals, so colonists would use gas to drill out the valuables. The gas ended up trapped in the rocks, which floated up to the height where the pressure equals earth pressure. This is my explanation for the floating islands. Also, the people doing the mining tended to belong to the same families, who became very isolated in their wealth. After some time, they ended up permanently deformed by their delves into the abyss, becoming the dwarves.

Before the war, people lived on artificial floating islands, powered by electricity and stuff. The “natural” islands were decorated with plants and animals and made great vacation spots, but no one lived there. But after the end of the war, or maybe during it, Venus experienced its first abyssian storm.

Near the surface of Venus, it's constantly storming, and in those storms live dragons. Please don’t ask how they weren’t noticed during the mining phase. These dragons are pure black, have no legs because they can almost swim in the thick air down below, and can breathe lightning. Sometimes, storms from the Abyss will overflow into the upper atmosphere, and rarely, those storms contain hordes of dragons.

During the first dragon storm, the artificial islands were completely destroyed. The citizens were unprepared. The small portion who survived fled to the natural floating islands, where they struggled to survive. It was essentially the apocalypse. It only took a few generations for these people, who were reduced to stone age equipment without electricity, to forget a lot of their history.

Soon, the Titans appeared. I don’t know where they came from. They introduced the people to the Aether, and taught them how to use it.

After a long time, sky ships were invented, and people could finally travel to other isles, establish nations and such. And that's how the current situation came to be.

Here’s something to understand about the technology in the Sky Isles. They can’t mine metal from the islands, because they risk destroying the very ground they stand on. But luckily, alchemists, people who use aether to control organic things, came up with a solution. They genetically engineered plants which can be spun into a fiber, which is a pretty good substitution.. It's still not quite as good as actual metal, or True Metal, so the few scraps of true metal that remain are incredibly valuable.

All sky ships, weapons, large buildings, et cetera, use some metal fiber. There are various kinds of metal fiber plants. Iron oak is by far the most powerful, but also a little rare because it's very difficult to cut down the tree. The most common is copper-root, which are like onions. There’s also silver-leaf,(not sturdy, but pretty), and probably something for gold? Still not finished with that bit. But copper-root tools and buildings are everywhere, while sky ships are most likely made of iron oak.

Most technology is developed in Galras, where Tinkerers can use the aether to cause massive clockwork machines to move. So most sky-ships are built there, although they need to cooperate with the dwarves to finish them.

What's the Aether? In-world, not many people know, with the exception of some individuals who specifically study its nature. It's something people use to do cool things. The aether is actually the manifestation of people’s souls in the real world. You use your spiritual soul to effectuate physical change, and these interactions are called aether. The more aether you use, the more you attach your soul to those activities. This is why tinkerers are known to be mad scientists, and why many alchemists grow so attached to their craft as to start experimenting on people. The Titans know how to effectively and safely use the aether to not only avoid negative effects, but create positive ones. Felenor and the other good titan use this knowledge for the good of humanity, while Ildra and Lralso use it to turn people against each other.

I must also mention the clockwork sentients - clockwork robots, powered by aether, who have minds of their own. More on them later.

There are four main nations, each composed of one main isle and those isles surrounding the main one. These isles, in order of settlement, are the Dwarven Isles, where the dwarves live underground in labyrinths; Destra, where the paladins originated; Galras, a technological power, and the origin of Tinkering; Endora, covered in a dangerous swamp, and only has one city, also called Endora; and Minvir, a mountainous, snowy isle where the sparse tribes are at constant war with each other.

I’ll talk more about the specific isles below the cut, because this post is long enough.

So remember the dwarves? Their ancestral profession changed their appearance significantly. Their skin appears permanently burned, and is ebony black. Not like dark brown. Pitch black. They’re also short. They’re excellent engineers, and can see in the dark better than humans can.

During the dragon storms that caused the apocalypse, they managed to flee separately from everybody else, ending up on an isle that was already full of holes because it was home to an insect hive. They’ve tamed these insects, which range from the size of dogs to the size of elephants, and they harvest the insects honey, which can be spun into a steel fiber that needs a better name. The honey can also be burnt to produce the gas that goes into the balloons on Sky-Ships, which means that dwarves are obscenely rich. They are also very secretive, to the point that a lot of people don’t know the actual name of the Dwarven Isles. Coincidentally, neither do I.

Occasionally the dwarves will venture into the Abyss to recover true metal from the wreckage. I’m not sure how they do this yet.

The first isle to be settled, besides the Dwarven Isles, was Destra, which you might recall is the origin of many paladin orders. There is a lot of history in Destra, it's kind of like visiting Rome, its really ancient. At the moment, it's completely conquered by the paladins of Ildra, Titan of suffering and despair, who let paladins of Lralso(deception, dishonor) run free. Paladins of Felenor(justice, honor) and of placeholder name(love, charity) have to flee or are killed. Some fought back, but most of those were killed.

Before the conquest of Ildra, however, Destra was mostly run by paladins of Felenor. Their law was just and honorable, which doesn’t mean there weren’t some bad eggs in the system, but the system was good. But some people didn’t enjoy being ruled by a law they had no choice in, and began a revolution on the south side of the isle. During this, they discovered tinkering, and turned the tide of the war with the construction of clockwork robots. Once they had conquered half the island though, the paladins began to learn how to easily deal with the automotons, who were pretty stupid being simply robots. So the Tinkerers ended the war by building massive drills which cut the island in half. The Tinkerers' side became Galras. The northern isle, which is still called Destra, was weak after the war, which opened them to Ildra’s conquest. Those drills still line the northern coast of Galras.

More about Galras! Their capital city is Kellenth, which is like one giant skyscraper many stories tall. Towards the top is where the elite live, while the bottom extends deep into the ground. The bottom floor is full of criminals and evil, where the light doesn’t shine. It's like cyberpunk, but it's clockwork. The city is supported by four massive True Metal pillars, which are a statement to how rich Galras has become.

Shortly after the war with Destra, Galras created a Clockwork Sentient, a clockwork AI. It soon went rogue and fled to an unknown isle, where it has constructed a factory of clockwork sentients. These ones are not nearly as powerful as the first, which is now called the Master Sentient. These minions are known as clockwork sentients, or just sentients, and sometimes they defect and come to live alongside humanity. Understandably, many people are… reluctant to accept them. The Master Sentient frequently conducts raids on Galras, and has recently conquered a small corner of the isle. They are rapidly becoming a significant threat, and the war against them is affecting the entire nation. The Master Sentient is not actually the first sentient, but there are some left over after the war with Destra, who are now ancient and live in the corners of Galras.

Don’t forget the Sentries! Sentries are soldiers who use clockwork armor and weapons, which they control by their aether, in combat. They compose the higher ranks of the army and protect city streets. They also make great mercenaries. Each suit of armor is unique, since soldiers will customize it with their own gizmos and setup. Think of each gamer in reality having their own setup.

Also the Storm Guard! There’s a fleet of ships specifically dedicated to preventing dragon attacks. This was created after a particularly bad battle with the Master Sentient, during which a surprise storm turned the tide, allowing the humans to win but at a much higher cost.

Next is Endora! It was originally established way back when Destra wasn’t split in half, as a rest stop for passing sky ships. That was hundreds of years ago, and now Endora has grown significantly. It has developed a reputation as a land of freedom, where there is neither the arm of the Galrian government nor the chaos of Ildrian Destra. There are farms right outside the city, and some small villages as well. Don’t forget the hordes of monsters that live in the swamp just beyond civilization; they frequently come out and attack settlers.

Endora has also become a safe haven for alchemists, who fled from Galras after people reacted to the image of alchemists as mad scientists who experimented on people. Many alchemists in Endora still perform these experiments, creating the chimeras, human-animals hybrids who often flee society to live in the swamp. There is a large hidden community of chimeras living there now, and many have adapted alchemy to the purposes of protecting nature, rather than exploiting it. These call themselves druids, rather than alchemists. Don’t take too kindly though - they can put the well-being of nature over human lives. These are two extremes though. Most alchemists are well-meaning doctors, and most druids are guardians of their people.

Recently, the Felenor Academy for Guardians was founded by Ambrose, where young men and women are trained to protect the city from monsters, and their families from crime. The city is mostly run by the people in charge of the ports, so at the city border with the swamp, not much is done. The Academy is changing that by empowering people to protect themselves.

Endora is also a major exporter of fish, which, since there’s no ocean, are rare pretty much everywhere else.

[thestoneforests]

Pick a card reading—Advice

Today, a few pick beautiful pick a card readings popped onto my feed, and I instantly wanted to try it out myself! However, this is my first time, hence the "try it out", and I am unsure if I did it right. I hope my intuition is at least a bit on target!

Because this is for practice, please comment your results if you want to — or if you have any advice I would dearly appreciate it!✨

This reading will be for general advice you need to hear, or about your situation in general. The way pick a card readings usually work is that you sense out, using your intuition, which pile you need to hear from. Before choosing the cards I chose a crystal (well technically amber is fossizilized tree resin) for each pile in case it helps you sense it out! I did not mean for each crystal to correspond with the reading meaning, but somehow it kind of turned out that way.

This will be rather short for each one, because I am not used to this sort of larger-scale reading!

Group 1 ~ Bloodstone

In this spread, what quickly stood out to me was the celestial and water based cards — so many! I was happy as soon as I saw all of them! This deals a lot with with emotion, creativity, and freedom. You have something great at hand that is so worthwhile to focus on. You’ve bravely gone through multiple obstacles to get where you are now, and the dawn of your success is finally here — and with it comes the realization that you are finally ready to set sail into something you are dreaming of doing, or to venture further into a wonderful situation and plan you’ve set yourself up for! You may have recently made a decision; and it was the right one! You know what to do, and you should move forward with your idea, because it is the correct choice for your personal growth and development.

As seen with the meaning of Bloodstone, calm your fears and dispel of obsessive ideas that may hinder you.

This spread hints to some of you possibly soon traveling — perhaps by plane or water? You have what you need and are ready to take that leap. Balance your emotions with creativity, because you have carved your path to freedom, and you can finally set sail with this plan of yours. While it may seem daunting or sad in a way, know that you can proceed with your plans in a way that is life affirming and self-loving. If you need it, call upon support from loved ones and friends, it will help so much!

Honestly, I’m really getting a spiritual vibe from this. I think that some of you are about to delve into some sort of new spiritual situation or research — maybe you just decided a form of divination or magic work to focus on.

Everything you have done has led to this moment. What you have chosen will be a life changing decision for you🌊

Group 2 ~ Orange Calcite

I feel so much growing and success energy here (and I don’t sense energy so how do I? who knows).

Take control of this! Be proud of who you are! What you do next, with your life, is up to YOU! You are the one in control, not anyone else, and you deserve it! The end of the situation you’re in is entirely in your hands. Take a proactive approach to solving any challenges, stand in your own power, and have confidence that you have what it takes to bring about a happy ending. Don’t wait for someone else to run in and take charge. In order to come to a successful conclusion, this situation requires your unique perspective and experience.

As seen with the orange calcite, use your creativity and have a calm, clear mind.

Soon, you are going to meet someone that will really be beneficial to your life, guiding you further on your success just as the butterfly guides the King of Swords... You may meet or interact with someone who is spiritually important to you, or is very enlightened. All agree that white butterflies signify a very powerful change related to our legacy and our ancestors — if any of you do past life or spirit work, you may want to check up on things! It also implies a divine intervention, and a release from ones burden.

This spread shows a lot of overcoming things; you deserve respect for your accomplishments and growth! Flowers and wheat are bountiful beneath symbols of power in this spread, showing that you have grown into someone so so amazing. And all of these bright circles, reflecting or made of light, remind me of the Sun. This 'Sun' is your success shining down on the path (flowers and wheat) you have taken, and the things you have nurtured to make this moment happen. So much happiness is coming for you☀️

Group 3 ~ Red Tiger's Eye

So... tired... I just want it to stop. I’ve tried so hard and it’s as if it never happened? I don’t have the strength to continue on doing this. The harsh conditions around me only make me more exhausted. Wait a minute — this is overwhelming. Look at all of this struggling. Is this really beneficial to you, or only other people? Let it be a sour relationship, situation, or your life just seems to be spinning out of control... You don’t deserve this. Whoever or whatever did this to you is terrible.

You are so used to the same thing over and over. But soon, life will surprise you — something unexpected is coming your way. This will be a new opportunity or person — take this chance and get away from what is dragging you down.

As seen with the Tiger's Eye, have persistence in getting to where you want, but also make sure that you have protection from things that wish to harm you.

What you need right now is faith in your dreams. You are losing it, or have lost it completely. You can have what you desire, but you must believe that it can be so. Set aside all negativity or pessimism. The Law of Attraction brings to us what we expect to receive. If we fall into doubt and don’t believe in our own self-worth, then our experiences will match that energy. Believe in yourself and your cherished dreams; but if this is concerning something such as an abusive relationship, always, always seek greater help.🍁

Group 4 ~ Amber

After reviewing this reading, I feel that it mostly has to do with a relationship.

Things look difficult now. However, the situation is going to improve. It may take some time, and there will likely be some hard work ahead of you. But the effort you put forth will be worth it, and things are going to get better! Now is not the time to give up on wounded friendships or ailing relationships. There is still hope for the future. Take heart, and continue to work toward a partnership where both parties are fulfilled and happy in the future.

As seen with the Amber, this is a healing process, so lift your spirits about this!

I see some symbolism of a change concerning a relationship or people. The two butterflies represent two individuals who are flying in harmony, both having helped to fix an ailing relationship and make it everlasting when it seemed that it couldn’t be so. You may have a partner, family member, or friend who your relationship is downfalling with; although it may seem like it possibly won’t work out in the end, or that one or both of you don’t have the commitment to pull through, know that things can be fixed. BOTH of you have to work together to create the harmony you seek.

As we see the symbolism of a sort of relationship being bettered, we watch as it advances in levels. From Page, it goes to Knight, showing how much stronger and advanced communication and stability will become. If there is something bothering concerning money, a solution will come because both parties have helped out. Perhaps someone will find a better job or financial solution. Because of the advanced relationship, you will both then climb to The Emperor — trinity and peace are here. Your relationship will seem abundant and maintained. But when this happens, you both must work hard to maintain this wonderful state!🌑

I hope this helped or resonated with someone! Despite how long it took, it was a lot of fun to do, and is the first time I didn’t read the card descriptions (although I did cheat and review what the angel oracles meant — they were a wonderful guideline to help out!). So, I hope my deciphering was okay!

If you would like me to do more of these in the future, or have any ideas of what types (such as "five years from now" or such), please feel free to comment below! 🌿✨🦌

—7/1/19

[dokidokiliteraturegirls]

 Hello everyone! Yui here, with today’s special feature, DDLitG Behind the Scenes: What’s the deal with Ako?

In this special update we’ll talk about her character in general, design, her place in the story, and more! So get comfortable in your seat, get yourself some good snacks, and let’s delve into the background of DDLitG’s 1st-ish original character~

Who is Ako?

Ako, formerly known as “female student”, was originally one of the many NPCs used by the game’s engine to fill its world with nondescript background characters, so as to make it feel less empty. However, Sayori took a special interest in her, and decided to befriend her, following the steps of a young MC who befriended Sayori in a similar situation and ended up saving her life. This would in turn allow Ako to grow as a character beyond her 1 line of coding and get her own sprites, as well as being able to interact with the world. She would later go on to fall in love with Sayori and shenanigans ensue.

Ako was created with the purpose of telling the story of the Friendship arc.

Designing Ako.

Let me make one thing clear: I’m not a character designer. I don’t know jack about it besides the very basics. But I did try to make someone who looked mildly original and, most importantly, different from the other girls.

Originally, she was going to be the image of a shy, fragile girl who Sayori befriended out of pity, more than anything. Based on this initial idea, I made this beta Ako design on one of my copybooks when I should’ve been working:

As you can see, her very first sprite was the one where she’s shyly looking away to avoid eye contact (and to seem annoying, but more on that later). I was happy with the pose but not with her face, as it looked super unoriginal. She resembled Ochako Uraraka from My Hero Academia a bit too much, so I tried to change her hair to make her stand out more. Here is her second iteration:

This time, I felt like I cranked it up too much to the other side. Now she stood out TOO much. Her hair felt like it came more from a protagonist than someone who’s supposed to be a background character. I adopted a new philosophy after seeing this result: she had to look as bland as possible. She had to be the kind of character you see all the time in the background of an anime - those simple, unassuming designs you’d never look twice at because you’re too focused on the protagonists with candy-coloured hair. In DDLitG’s canon she’s a filler NPC brought to the forefront, and her design had to reflect that more than my desire to make her look “cool”.

With this in mind, we come to Ako v0.3

As you can see, this is much closer to her current design. But this was still a sketch (even the drawing above is very much unfinished). As you can see, I got closer to her 0.1 version with the hair, but changed the eyes to make them look more unique, giving her that more neutral, “nothing” expression. Having finally found some ground I was comfortable with, I redefined her design a little further, gave her some more details around the hair and clothes, adjusted the proportions of her body (because apparently I draw heads huge), and made her finalized design.

I was happy.

What’s with this sassy... monochrome child?

If there’s one constant to be found in the pictures above, is that she was always meant to be black and white. There are plenty of reasons, which I’ll list because, honestly, there are a lot.

1. I didn’t want to look her like the rest of the cast at fucking all. She is an OC introduced in a story with already established characters made by a much more talented writer. She’s an outsider, someone who doesn’t belong with this cast of colorful characters, and I wanted readers to be able to tell that at first glance. No, she’s not like the other girls. They don’t belong in the same place. She is not a member of the original DDLC cast, and it shows.

2. I know I can’t draw as well as Satchely, so trying to copy DDLC’s art style would just end up looking awkward and wrong. I had no choice but to do my own thing. And if I’m doing my own thing, why not take it all the way? I already gave myself artistic freedom, I might as well go crazy with it~

3. I just adore characters in a fictional universe that look different from the rest of the cast or have some strange design choice for literally no reason. Like Krillin from Dragonball, with his eyes that make him look like he belongs in an entirely different manga...

...or even Jotaro Kujo, whose hat merges with his hair because why not!

I live for dumb crap like that.

4. A huuuuuge inspiration for me while writing (besides my own uninteresting life) is music. Many times I listen to a specific track or imagine situations with specific background music to make them seem more real, and be able to better portray the feelings of a scene when writing [For example, I listened to My Chemical Romance’s Welcome to the Black Parade a lot while writing Monika’s Death].

Ako’s creation was no exception. Her appearance was partially based on the cover for not only one of my favorite Vocaloid albums of all time, but one of my favorite albums period: Wowaka’s glorious Unhappy Refrain.

I’ve been writing stuff based on this album alone for years because it’s just so damn striking to me. The picture of the faceless schoolgirl falling into the unseen abyss, the background uninterested characters that imply they are used to seeing fellow girls suffer, the distorted world they live in, the album’s way to explore teenage depression, the freaking name of the album, EVERYTHING! IT’S SUCH A GOOD EXPLORATION OF THE DIFFICULT LIFE TEENS FACE THAT OFTEN GOES UNNOTICED!! AAAAAAHHHH IT’S SO GOOD.

5. Ako was also based on a previous design I made for another character meant for an original visual novel I was writing and I’m probably never going to finish, who was also going to be monochromatic to reference this album (in that context it made more sense though cuz every character was a musical reference).

This character, in turn, was based on Monoko from Yume Nikki, which is more obvious because of her crying eye and extra arm.

So basically at this point it would’ve been weird if I hadn’t made her monochromatic.

Naming Ako

This was one of the most difficult parts, ngl.

As I mentioned, Ako was originally going to be a fragile, shy girl. Based on this, her original name during the design face was Moromi, which is one more letter than “Moroi”, which Google translate promises me means “Brittle” or “Fragile” in Japanese.

However, after the philosophy change that happened during her conceptual stage, “Fragility” was no longer at the core of her character, as it was now “Nothingness/Blandness”. Because of this, I changed her name to “Ako”.

Many people have submitted their interpretations of the name, ranging from its meaning “To teach/to learn”, and “To yearn for”, which all fit better than the original tbh.

The intended meaning is for “Ako” to be read as “A-Ko”, which is a way by which Japenese media often refers to filler characters, as it translates to “Girl A”.

Examples of this can be seen in Super Danganronpa 2, where a character in a videogame is called “A-Ko” to hide their identity...

...and in a movie called “Project A-ko”, which was a parody of the anime tropes from the time, so they gave the protagonist the most generic name ever. The antagonist and side character, by the way, are called “B-Ko” and “C-Ko” respectively. This movie is fucking awesome.

This name also made sense in the context of the story, because we already had a character named “Student A”, so this goes to show that the game just gave Ako the default name it had stored for female NPCs.

Blinded Ako, or How I Learned to Convey Emotion Through Ahegao

When I came up with Ako, she was meant to have most of her character revolving around her infatuation with Sayori. She was, after all, written in the story with the purpose of falling in love with her, and nothing else. Her character, personality, likes/dislikes, and hobbies came afterwards. As the story progressed, however, I decided that she should have a personality separate from just being in love with another character. So to separate the actions she committed under the influence of her passion, I did a little design change in the middle of the arc: Blinded Ako.

In this version, Ako has been literally blinded by love and stops being rational. This is represented by the hearts covering her eyes, and clouding her judgement. This was done not only with the purpose of representing she was past her breaking point, but also to differentiate the Ako that makes mistakes with the Ako that was introduced in the beginning of the arc. Almost so as to make them two different characters, so when she is reintroduced as a regular character after Friendship, readers could think “oh, she’s not going to do dumb stuff again, she’s not blinded by love anymore.”

Many people compared the above panel with “ahegao”, a trope in hentai manga where a character does a silly face to represent them breaking from enjoying themselves so much. This was done partially on purpose. The main idea was to represent Ako being blinded by her infatuation for Sayori, not to equate her sate of being with anything sexual. It DID end up looking more hentai-esque than I expected though, as, well, Ako is in black and white, and the heart eyes are also a trope in ahegao. And she’s sweating. And she’s saying that she’s about to break....

.....

....well at least I drove my point home.

Ako’s musical influences

Above I mentioned how music was a big part of my inspiration, and how I listened to Welcome to the Black Parade while writing Monika’s Death, so the question in no one’s mind is: what music did Yui use as inspiration for Ako’s character and the arc? 🤔

Well, hypothetical reader, the answer is that since Ako was meant to be bland and flavour-free, her original depiction is not based on a song or anything. Her desperation towards Sayori and Blinded Ako, though, are based on TRONICBOX’s 80′s style remix of Ariana Grande’s Into You. And yes, this 80′s remix in specific. Not the original song. I highly encourage you to give it a listen and pay attention to the lyrics if you want an insight into how Ako was feeling during her breaking point.

Also, as a side note, no one has asked me this, but I imagine Ako’s voice to sound like the vocals of Panty and Stocking’s ending, Fallen Angel. It’s a truly beautiful song, and once again, I highly encourage you to give it a listen and pay attention tot he lyrics if you want an insight in Ako’s current feelings towards Sayori.

Ako’s reception

This is more something personal than an explanation of the character, but it’s something I want to share nonetheless.

Remember when I said Ako was meant to be annoying? Yeah... xD

When I decided to add a new character I did so under the idea that everyone was going to hate her, because it’s a purposefully boring OC made by some insane person with the sole purpose of being added to an already interesting and loved cast of characters just to fuck everything up.

The first scene I ever wrote for Ako was the part where Monika asked if she had hurt Sayori, and she said “Not intentionally...” while looking away, which is why her first sprite ever was in that position. She was meant to make people feel frustrated over this girl just looking away from her problems and avoiding responsibility, while also telling Monika to her face that she had done something bad to Sayori. Readers were expected to hate her. That’s why in the beginning she says she doesn’t like literature, to assure you that she’s not joining the literature club. That’s why there’s a scene where she gets punched in the face. That’s why she looks so extremely out of place.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DISLIKE HER!! omg I’m still surprised at how warm the reception was, you guys are just too nice for me~ ❤️

Because of the unexpected reception I had to change some parts of the arc, which were originally going to be much crueler towards her [I even questioned adding the punch at all, but it was an important part of Monika’s development so I felt it]. I also established her as a recurring character in spite of her dislike of literature, and did my best to make her less hate-able than she was originally going to be, even cutting some planned lines of dialogue that made her pretty irredeemable. Looking back, I am glad I did those changes, we ended up with a well-liked and pretty nice girl because of it~

Final thoughts

The introduction of Ako and writing Friendship in general was a very intense experience for me. It was very difficult to balance Ako as being both relevant to the story and moving the plot forward, but not make her the sole focus of everything and have her obscure everyone else, because OCs in established pieces of media tend to do that.

This arc also got a LOT of mixed reviews, some people liking it, some hating everything I did. This made me really question what I was doing and at many points even regret I was writing Friendship at all. At a certain point I lost almost 50 followers in a single update.

I also had trouble writing some parts because they were too sad. And that’s not my style! I like writing happy people being good friends, damn it, not everyone crying and hating each other.

But when all is said and done, I’m happy I wrote both Friendship and Ako into the story. I’ve received many wonderful, supportive messages telling me how much readers enjoyed it. Even some people saying they had been in a similar situation to the one depicted in the story, and were glad to see a story that showed a positive outcome.

Will I write more OCs into DDLitG?

Meh, who knows. I love writing more original stuff and expanding the world of DDLitG, but I also feel like if I introduce yet another OC, people will crucify me and hate me for flooding the story with too much stuff that’s irrelevant to the DDLC they’re used to. That being said, writing this blog is my first, and very possibly last chance to expose my stories to such a large audience. And seeing people like what you do not only because you’re riding the coattails of a recognizable brand, but because they like what you do with it, makes me pretty darn happy. Being completely honest, I’d like to add another character. But just one. And only if it’s something that will push both the story and the girls’ character arcs forward. Not just adding OCs for the sake of it.

Thanks for sticking until the end of this BTS, and I hope you found it an enjoyable read, or at the very least I made you a little bit less bored~ ❤️

Next time, in DDLitG Behind the scenes: What’s the deal with The Perfect Yuri?

[askthedespairkids]

A New Hope- October 31st

//All of this takes place after the current arc, just as an fyi

*Naomi is sitting in the bed at the fourth branch, hugging her baby. She… kind of kicked Karma out earlier, but now he was waiting for her fiancé to return to see their child. * Karma: *they knock on the door* N-Naomi? Naomi: come in, love! *She is smiling widely now*. Karma: *they carefully open the door and step inside, pausing when they see the baby in Naomi’s arms* Naomi: Look, we made a baby! Karma: I- yeah. Naomi: Come over and hold her. Karma: Am- can I? Naomi: I don’t know if you noticed, but she’s half yours. *Naomi hands the baby over.*

Karma: *they look a bit anxious* What if I hurt her? She’s so small and…. weak. Naomi: I trust you that you won’t. Just be careful and it’d be okay… do you wanna sit down? Karma: Sure…. *they take a seat on the edge of the bed* *Naomi gives Karma the baby, showing them how to hold her properly. *  Naomi: isn’t she beautiful? Karma: I mean…. beautiful for a baby I suppose? Naomi: * absolutely ignoring that ‘for a baby’ comment* She’s gonna be adorable. * the baby shuffles a little in Karma’s hands.* Karma: Fuck fuck fuck fuck I did something wrong I upset her Naomi: calm down, love. She’s just walking up. *Naomi looks at both of them * It’s okay. Karma: ……….. Naomi: what are you afraid off, love? Karma: I don’t know. Naomi: Come closer, please? And if you really don’t want to hold her, I will. Karma: *they scooch closer* *Naomi cuddles them. * Naomi: It’s going to be okay, you know. Karma: Yeah…. Naomi: So what’s wrong?  *The baby starts crying, and Naomi takes her and rooks her until she calms.* Karma: Scared. Dunno why. Naomi: It makes sense, It’s a big change. The only reason I’m not freaking out is that I have practice in calming babies. Karma: Do you? Naomi: I grew up in a pretty small village and was one of the older kids. I did my share of babysitting. Naomi: doesn’t mean I’m good with kids, though. Just that I know how to stop them from screaming. Karma: I bet you’re at least okay with them. Naomi: …I’m pretty sure the last one I talked to hates me. Karma: He’ll come around. He just needs time. Naomi: I hope you are right. He seems to like you, at least. Karma: Does he? Naomi: I think so, at least. * she turns to the baby. * Have you decided if you want a middle name? We don’t usually do it here, but I think you do? Karma: We do. I even have one. * Naomi blinks.*  Naomi: You do? I don’t think I know that. Karma: I don’t really tell people. Naomi: Just if you wanna. But you haven’t answered my question. Karma: Oh. Yeah sure we can give a middle name. Mine’s Joan. It was mom’s name. Karma: Graves isn’t my real last name either. Just picked it because it sounds cool. But yeah. Middle name. Naomi: We- Jewish we, not Japanese this time- don’t name people after the living. But… Madoka Joan? Or do you have another idea? Karma: Madoka Joan sounds nice. Naomi: Madoka Joan Graves…. Madoka Joan Kizakura Graves… I like it. Let’s see how long it takes until you can say it all, sweetie. * She giggled, looking at her baby.* Karma: …… do you think she’ll like me? Naomi: …Why wouldn’t she? Karma: I dunno. Naomi: You are their parent, and you are wonderful. Don’t forget it. Karma: *they smile softly* Thank you. Naomi: No problem~ Karma: *they hug Madoka close* Naomi: see? it’s not that bad. Karma: I suppose you’re right. * Naomi laughs.*  Naomi: what else is new. Karma: *they laugh as well* *Naomi kisses Karma. * Naomi: we should probably let other people see her. I wanna show off! Karma: Yeah…. yeah we should. Naomi: wanna call your dad? Karma: Yeah. Sure. —– *Naomi sits on the bed, Karma near her, holding the baby.* Naomi: Do you want to meet her, Nakamura? Kyoji: Sure, I… She’s so small Naomi: Well, yeah. She had to come out of me. It’d hurt even more if she was bigger. Karma: She’s a baby. Kyoji: Well, yeah, but… I never really got to see Ryoko like this Naomi: …it’d have been really odd if you were. Naomi: Do you want to introduce her, love? Karma: Uh… sure. This is Madoka Joan Kizakura Graves. She’s…. a spawn of Naomi and myself. Kyoji: Really now? I never would’ve guessed. Hey there, Madoka Karma: Hurr durr durr. Naomi: Yeah, I think maybe the spawn part can be omitted, love. *She takes Madoka from Karma carefully, offering her to Kyoji. * *He carefully takes her* Kyoji: Let’s get a look at you. Yep, you look like your mother, but you’ve got Karma’s eyes too. I can see some of your grand-uncle in here as well. Don’t you think about delving into alcoholism, got it? That’s a terrible habit. Naomi: Yeah. No Alcohol for you, kiddo. Karma: She doesn’t know what alcohol is. Naomi: let us keep it like that. Kyoji: Agreed. And I have to say, I’m impressed.  Even with all this pollution, nuclear fallout, and ozone depletion, you’ve got yourselves a perfectly healthy baby. Naomi: wasn’t easy. But… it’d be okay, right? she’ll stay healthy? Kyoji: Depends on whether or not we can fix this global situation Naomi: all the more reason to work hard on it. Kyoji: Yep. Sorry you won’t get to see the old world, Madoka. But we’ll make sure you don’t have to grow up in a ruined husk of a planet. Karma: ……. Kyoji: We can’t fix everything that’s been lost. But we can make things better. And I think you’ve both made the right choice here. Naomi: at least that. Kyoji: Every victory is important, no matter how small it might be Karma: I think some people judge us. Kyoji: Some people believe the Earth is flat and some people think Enoshima is right. Doesn’t mean a damn thing Naomi: Yeah, humanity is kind of stupid. Kyoji: I wouldn’t say that. Ignorance and stupidity are different things. And it’s going to be up to people like us to enlighten them. You know, Madoka might be luckier than us in a few ways. She has a family who cares about her. Karma: How so? Kyoji: Something I know at least two of us needed growing up * Naomi gives out somewhat of a sad smile, but doesn’t say anything. Her parents should’ve been there, at this moment, holding her daughter.* Kyoji: She won’t have to worry about that god-forsaken academy Naomi: you won’t need anyone to validate your talents, would you? * she speaks to the baby, of course * Karma: Yeah…. Kyoji: No, but Ultimate lines can be hereditary. Which also means she could inherit some talent from both of you. Oh…for example, Madoka has now claimed my finger. Yep…yep, you got Karma’s grip too… * Naomi laughs* Kyoji: Release my finger, child Naomi: I think you might just have to say goodbye to your finger. Kyoji: But I need that. For science! Karma: Nope. Not anymore. Kyoji: Madoka, that’s…I need that, please. Release meee Naomi: I don’t feel like getting up, but move closer and I’ll do my best to fix that. Kyoji: Please press the release button on the child Naomi: the release button is lifting her fingers, I think the book said she should be too weak to actually grab things for a while. Kyoji: Well, she has Karma’s genes Karma: …. *they walk over next to Kyoji and open Madoka’s fingers* Kyoji: Freedom! Thank you. Karma: Mhm. Kyoji: …Alright, so, it just occurred to me how strange our family situation is here. You two are Madoka’s parents, Kizakura-san is her great uncle, I am technically her grandfather, which means Ryoko is technically her aunt, so therefore Mukuro is also her aunt? Karma: ………. aaaaand Junko apparently. Kyoji: We do not speak of her here. Naomi: This is kind amusing, though. Kyoji: Perhaps… Perhaps Madoka is the one who shall restore balance to our world …although, even if that were true, I’d rather we not have to wait for her to grow up for that to happen Karma: True. Naomi: Are we going to quote Avatar now, or…? Kyoji: I feel a more pressing question is… Do you two have a cradle for her? Or a crib? Whatever it’s called Karma: I…. don’t know. Kyoji: That should be corrected as soon as possible. Naomi: Yeah. Kyoji: And also a mobile, And baby clothes Naomi: I asked for clothes. We have a bit, at least. Kyoji: That’s good. You also have me as your local pediatrician Naomi: Yes. Yes we do. Karma: We do. Kyoji: *He smiles* It’s been a long time since I’ve had something like this. Naomi: what kind of something? Because it can mean many things in this context. Kyoji: A family. Karma: …. yeah. Naomi: …but you had each other? And Ootonashi-san? Kyoji: Of course. That’s what I mean. Before all this, all I had was my mom. And she’s been gone for a long time now. Karma: I didn’t really have anyone. This is nice. * Naomi kisses Karma’s cheek* Karma:  *they smile* — *Naomi is cuddling both Madoka and Karma, smiling when she hears a knock.* Naomi: Come on in! Junpei: *He, Koichi, and Orochi are let in by Hiroko* Hey, we heard it was okay to see you now. Karma: Hey! Naomi: Yep. *She holds Madoka forward. * Naomi: Look, a baby! That came from me. Karma: I helped. Orochi: Well, if it didn’t come from you, I would have questioned the last nine months. Koichi: Can’t believe this is really happening *Tips his hat down* Naomi: I can’t either. Meet Madoka Joan Kizakura-Graves… Wow it is actually a mouthful. Your niece… or grandniece, depends who of you. Koichi: A grandniece, huh…suddenly I feel a lot older than I actually am. Karma: Well…. we ARE quite young. Naomi: And you are younger then dad, so… it makes sense, I guess. Orochi: And she’s fine too? Nothing wrong genetically or anything? Naomi: Nakamura said no. I guess we were lucky. Karma: Really lucky. Junpei: That’s good…I can’t believe it though. An actual baby in a place like this… Naomi: You’ll have to get used to it, because neither of us are going anywhere. Right, 'doka? *The baby obviously doesn’t respond * Orochi: *He rests his head on top of Junpei’s* …I kind of wish we had baby. Junpei: Okay! We’re still learning how to raise Masaru, so let’s not think about that right now… Karma: Do you think Masaru would like Madoka? Naomi: Now? I don’t know. When she’s old enough to play with a ball… Orochi: Oh, as soon as she can kick a ball they’ll be best friends Naomi: Maybe you’ll figure a way to give her another cousin by then. Karma: Oh shit. Junpei: Again! We’re definitely not ready for a baby! Doesn’t help that the kid we have right now will be taller than me as soon as he hits his growth spurt. Karma: RIP Naomi: *she nods her head * being short sucks. Junpei: …*Pouts* It’s true but you shouldn’t say it… Orochi: You’re just the right height, don’t worry. Koichi: So, what did they say to you after the birth? Is she okay to go to the dorms with you two? Naomi: Yeah, I just want it to not hurt when I stand first. Speaking of which… Any idea from where I could get a crib? and maybe a sling? Koichi: Ah…I’ll convince Izayoi-kun to make a crib. Not sure about a sling. Karma: ….. Tailor maybe? Naomi: Yeah, this sounds right… Wasn’t he your classmate, Orochi-kun? Orochi: Muro-kun? Yeah, I’ll see if he can make one. Naomi: Thank you. Naomi: Anyone wants to hold her? Orochi: I think it would be best for Kizakura-kun to hold him first. Koichi: R-right… *Naomi hands Madoka carefully. * Koichi: *He holds her carefully, taking the seat next to the bed* …heh, she’s got your nose. Naomi: She really does look like me? *She didn’t see it. Then, again, she didn’t see herself much. * Karma: She does. Koichi: She’s got some of your feature, yeah. Kind of reminds when you were born. *Naomi blushes * Karma: D'awww. Junpei: *….Smiles slightly* (Maybe a kid wouldn’t be so bad…) Naomi: So where is your kid hiding, anyways? Orochi: He’s went to the gym to play basketball with Jataro-kun. Naomi: …He got Jataro-kun to play basketball? Impressive. Karma: I’m sure he’s glad his friend is here. Junpei: Yeah, he seems a lot happier. It just have been lonely without other kids around. Naomi: Yeah… It can’t be healthy to be the only one your age around. * She looks at Madoka. * We’ll figure something out for you when you grow older. Orochi: Who knows? Kurohiko-kun has been getting close to Asano-chan and Hokama-chan. Naomi: yes, but I don’t think it’d go so quickly. Have you met… two thirds of them, really? Orochi: Yeah, Hokama-chan is almost literally an animal. Weird relationship she has with those two. Naomi: This is not what I meant and don’t be mean. Karma: Oof. Orochi: I’m kidding, I’m kidding Naomi: Good. Karma: You suuure? Orochi: Yes I’m sure Naomi: Improvement. Karma: I’ll say. Naomi: One of you two wants to hold her? Orochi: Yo-chan? Junpei: M-me? I d-dunno… Naomi: It’s not hard. Junpei: W… Well… Alright then *Naomi takes the baby from her uncle, moving her to Junpei and showing him to hold her correctly. * Junpei: *He looks nervous as he hold her carefully in his arms* Naomi: You are not going to hurt her. Karma: If I can do it so can you. Junpei: R-right… Orochi: Don’t worry, you’re doing fine. Just relax… Naomi: she can’t eat you. Orochi: Not yet. Junpei: Shush, you. Naomi: But you provide us with so much materiel. Junpei: Good to know I’m so entertaining for you all… * Naomi is rolling her eyes at him. * Karma: Take it as a compliment, Junpei. Orochi: So serious all the time… Junpei: Someone has to be. You wanna hold her? Orochi: Ah, well…I think I’ll pass. Naomi: She won’t bite you either. Orochi: E-even so- Junpei: He’s scared to hold her. Karma: Oh c’mon now. Naomi: Yeah, I am with Karma on this one. Orochi: B-but…wh-what if I drop her, I don’t r-really trust myself much * Naomi folds her legs, leaving clear space in the end of the bed. * Naomi: sit. Orochi: O…okay…*He sits down* Naomi: good. Now, if you don’t mind, Junpei-kun? Junpei: Here, you’ll be fine…*He carefully hands her to Orochi* Orochi: O-okay…*He looks really nervous when he takes her* Naomi: There you go. It’s okay. Orochi: Y-yep! Totally f-fine… Naomi: Do you want to hand her back? Orochi: Y-yes… *Naomi takes her baby back. * Naomi: Oh, you are awake. I was wondering. Koichi: To be fair, your friends aren’t the quietest. Naomi: Also that. Karma: I’m not so quiet either. Naomi: I don’t think she minds. Calm down, love. Orochi: Whose eyes did she get? Yours or Karma-chan’s? *Naomi uses her finger to point to Karma. * Naomi: Which means I’m lucky, because I have three pretty green eyes in my life. Karma: Aha…. yeah. — Karma:*they grab Sly’s hand and start dragging him back the direction they came from* Sly: What’re you doing?! Where are we going?! Karma: To see Madoka! Sly: Couldn’t this have waited? Karma: Nope. Sly: *He lets out a sigh* Fine…… you can let go of my hand now. I can walk. Karma: Can you? Sly: I would think so. Karma: I think I’ll keep holding your hand. I don’t trust you. *when they finally get to the room, Naomi is feeding Madoka from a bottle and raising her eyes to them. *ראש הטופס

 ראש הטופס

Naomi: …did Karma drag you here? Sly: Is that even a question? Karma: I’m still holding his hand, see? they raise Sly’s hand in their own Naomi: Yeah, I noticed. I think you can let him go now, though. Sly: Would be appreciated. Naomi: …block he door, though, he might run for it. Karma: *they let go of Sly’s hand and quickly go to block the door* Sly: …..That’s really not necessary. You got me here, so now what. Karma: Go see Madoka. *Naomi separates the baby from the bottle. *  Naomi: There you go… Here, meet Madoka Joan, Sly. Karma: I’ve just decided your her uncle so now you HAVE to see her. Naomi: I support this notion. Sly: *He rolls his eyes* I don’t think that’s how it works. *He takes a step towards Naomi and Madoka* …… Hey there. Naomi: you can hold her, if you want. She doesn’t seem to mind. Naomi: And of course that’s how it works. That’s how Junpei-kun became my little brother. Sly: Umm ok. *He takes a deep breath before he picks up the baby, making sure to support its head* It’s been a long time since I’ve done something like this. Not since my last visit to the orphanage. Naomi: You were visiting an orphanage? Karma: That sounds unlike you. Sly: Yeah. Not as much as I grew older but I used to go all the time as a kid. It’s how I met Maki. Naomi: I think this was more on your past then you told us the last… two years? was it two? Naomi: Why were you visiting an orphanage? Was it like a charity thing? Sly: ……Um well multiple reasons. The first time though was…. after my mom died, so I was in a bad place. My mentor thought it would be good for me to visit where she grew up. Naomi: Do you want to talk about her? Karma: …… Sly: What’s there to say. She was a legendary assassin. She led the entire agency before she was murdered. But she never let being an assassin define who she was. She was courageous and strong but to me she was kind and caring. Naomi: She sounds a lot like you… well, on a good day. Karma: On a good day. Sly: I guess…… Naomi: You are holding my daughter. Trust me, if I didn’t think that you wouldn’t have gotten near her… Well, unless you forced your way because I assume you can, but why would you? Karma: Exactly. I had to drag him. Sly: It’s a cute kid. I don’t think I ever said it but congratulations to you both. Karma: !!! Uh… thanks! Naomi: …you can use she, you know. But thanks. Karma: Oh. Uh. Yeah. AHEM Don’t use “it” to uh, refer to my daughter. Sly: *He gently places Madoka into Karma’s arms* I apologize. She’s a cute kid. Karma: *they immediately stiffen once Madoka is in their arms* Naomi: You have the honor of being the first person to hold her without me having to force them into it…. * she turns to Karma * Love, you really have to stop doing that. It’s fine. Karma: I- y-yeah. I know. It’s- yeah. Naomi: do you want me to take her? Karma: N-No I got her. Naomi: Great. Hi, Sly-kun, do you have tips for Karma? They seem to be frightened of dropping her. Sly: *He rubs the back of his head* I’d really recommend you ask Maki but from everything she’s told me, I would count in my head and try to be aware of my own movement. But really it just takes time. Naomi: Maki is… Harkuwa-san, right? I don’t think I had a chance to talk to her. Karma: I talked to her a little bit. I dunno what she is but she’s clearly killed people despite denying it. Sly: Don’t worry she won’t hurt anybody here unless it’s a necessity. I trust her. Socially though, she’s kinda hard to talk to when you first meet her but she knows a lot about taking care of kids. Naomi:: I take it you are good friends? Sly: ….. It’s complicated. Karma: Ohhhhh? Naomi: you can’t say something like this and not explain. Sly: Well I did and I won’t. I’ve done enough sharing for the day. Naomi: pretty please? *she holds Mado forwards * The power of the baby forces you, or something! Sly: *He sighs* All I’ll say is we’ve been some things. So drop it. Karma: Fair enough. Naomi: Fine, I guess. *She hugs the baby. * You can stay, if you want, but I think you filled Karma’s need for you to see your niece, so you can also leave, I guess. Sly: Thanks. I’ll be you seeing you three later. *He shifts Karma outta the doorway and walks out* Karma: Bye.

[thehopeymage]

Classes: Mage and Seer, Heir and Page

Alright, here we go again! I feel that this one is a harder sell then the last, so I've put a lot of thought into why i feel this is the most likely connection! That being said, get ready for a looooooooooong post 0u0. Also, if you want to read my post on the Thief, Rogue, Knight, and Maid classes, here’s a link!! 

The Knowing Classes, Mage and Seer!

This pairing is probably the most popular theory for where Mages belong, and since we know very little about Mages, we don’t have much to go on!! 

Here we can see Sollux, Mage of Doom, claim that in order for him to be a true Prophet of Doom, he must lose his sense of sight. This suggests, supported by  Meulin, Mage of Heart, who is deaf, that part of a Mages journey is losing a sense, but it ALSO suggests that Mages are prophets, much like the abilities we see Seers like Rose, Seer of Light, have! Along with all this and the fact that we see both Mages and Seers act as authorities of knowledge when it comes to their aspect, I think they are a perfect fit! Additionally, only Mages and Seers have been able to vividly hear Exiles and separate the exiles words from their own thoughts!

Mages, being the Active class, have/gain a lot of knowledge about their Aspect! Mages are known to be incredibly accurate when they make predictions about their Aspect! Although we only hear of this through Aranea, Meulin is told to have incredibly accurate ships! Additionally, we actually can see Sollux’s predictive abilities in the pester log I linked earlier! Strange how we only HEAR about Meulins abilities and actually SEE Solluxs... It’s hard to say what kind of abilities Mages gain with their classpect but the abilities the cannon Mages show suggest that they may gain some insight as to how their aspect works, or how their aspect may effect them/their group. Mages use their knowledge, in a best case scenario, to take the best course of action!

Seers, being the Passive class, gain knowledge of the future! Specifically futures that have to do with their Aspect. Rose, Seer of Light, gained knowledge of futures with fortuitous outcomes, as she explained on the meteor and explicitly stated, HERE, “My powers let me see fortuitous outcomes...”. End-quote. Terezi, Seer of Mind, gained the ability to see the future outcomes of specific choices! Although it’s a little difficult to decipher what exactly happened in [S] Terezi: Remem8er. but it could be interpreted as her gaining sight into a timeline where she made different choices! In Kankri, the Seer of Blood, we can see his post-scratch version see a timeline with a lot more interconnection in his races society! Doc Scratch said HERE, “But if I was a Seer, such [timeline ]offshoots would be fully within my domain. And if I was a Seer of Mind in particular, synaptic causality would be my specialty.” Synaptic Causality translating in layman's terms to the effects of peoples brains, or, more appropriately in this context, the effects of peoples choices! Although this is a less sound theory, its possible that Seers also see futures WITH their Aspect, Roses magic cue-ball acting as a representation of clarity. I personally am not quite sure about that one, but it’s a possibility! Seers have been known to often send people on quests as well, as seen with Rose devising the plan for their sessions scratch, and Terezi sending John to retcon the Timeline! Seers use their knowledge, in the best case scenario, to give advice and direct others through the best course of action!

With The Knowing Classes, we can see in both the characters and their abilities, that they care more about the metaphorical side of their Aspect then the Flashy Powers. Seers and Mages are ingrained in the deeper meanings of their Aspect! Their powers are knowledge based, and they dont really get sick flashy powers like everyone else does! Rose never cared about being lucky, but cared instead about Lights themes like Clarity and Fortune(fortune as in good stuff, not luck)! In order to find their opposites, we need to find a pair of classes that don’t care nearly as much about the deeper meanings, and more about the flashy powers and the raw feelings and surface level meanings of their Aspects! 

The Utilization/Embodiment Classes, Heir and Page!

I reaaaaally tried to settle on one name, but I just couldn’t, they fit in different ways.

Just like Knights and Maids, this is a good group to compare!! Except this time we have TWO pairs with the same Aspect, as well as an Inversion!! Once again, i’m sure this seems like an odd pair, but please hear me out! 

Heirs, being the Active class, gain, and even become their aspect! We can see this best with our Protagonist John, Heir of Breath! I call these the Utilization classes because you can see John use wind and manipulate it! BUT, I call them the Embodiment Classes because upon ascending to God Tier, John eventually gains the ability to literally become air! These names will make sense for Pages too when I get to them 0u0. You can see John gain more and more freedom throughout his adventure, starting with the ability to enter his dads room, then hold just about as many items as he wants, then hold as BIG of items as he wants, literally inheriting his wallet from his father, and then gaining freedom from the timeline itself!! John doing the retcon shenanigans could even be seen as him totally embodying the concept of Freedom! Equius, Heir of Void, gained irrelevance as he was killed and used as half of Arquius and then one fourth of Doc Scratch/Lord English, only being a source of strength for them. You could also see Equius’s blood being used to hide information about Gamzee and Lord English as him literally becoming the obscuring of information!  Additionally, although we know vary little about Mituna, Heir of Doom, and his story, you could say he gained a lot of death, even becoming, in an informal sense, brain dead before actually dying. And then staying that way even after death.

Pages, being the Passive class, gain, then exude massive amounts of their Aspect! Pages are told to have hypothetically infinite amounts of potential when it comes to their Aspect. Along with this being told to Jake, Page of Hope by Aranea and Ghost Brain Dirk many times, it was even hinted at by Aradia in reference to Tavros, Page of Breath, and his Flarp class, Boy Skylark. She says HERE, “n0ne 0f the really useful c0mbat abilities c0me int0 play until y0u reach a very high level. but i supp0se it will be rewarding when y0u get there.” We don’t have very much information about Horuss, Page of Void, but he did use to have a deficit of Void, having many useful skills, yet ended up, in a sense, gaining irrelevance. Aranea said it best during Openbound, “The Page of Void was a self taught master of mechanics, an avid patron of the fine arts, a passionate 8ody 8uilder, archer, am8rosia collector and steamwright. A poet, a scholar, a warrior, a lover, he was all that his caste demanded and more. A true troll Renaissance man. Yet in spite of all he worked to make something of himself, he amounted to very little. Responsi8le for neither great feats of heroism nor acts of villainy, he was just another game piece to 8e moved a8out the 8oard.” The only time we get to see the abilities of a Page is when Aranea takes over Jake's mind and releases his potential. During this, he LITERALLY exudes a massive ball of hope energy out of his body, causing mass destruction! I feel like I should say, when I say “exudes Aspect” I do not mean other people gain their Aspect from them just being around. I mean it in a less literal sense, as pages, after realization, have a lot of their Aspect, and by a lot, I mean a LOT!

If you want to understand Jake's lack of hope, then eventual growth into becoming a (literal) Hope God, I highly suggest checking out @punkcandy s Analysis of Jake's Arc. It specifically about his Sexual Objectification, but I think the whole thing, especially the last two paragraphs, do a fantastic job of summarizing his arc as a Page of Hope!! Go ahead and read it HERE!! Also, follow punkcandy wile you’re at it because they’re dope.

Now the big part...

Why these Pairs?

As I said, we have two examples of a Page and Heir of the same Aspect. These are John and Tavros, Heir and Page of Breath, and Equius and Horuss, Heir and Page of Void. First, Breath. We can see John and Tavros have massive amounts of their Aspect by the end of their journey. John has it in the form of pure unrestrained freedom, but Tavros does in a different sense. The Breath Aspect (as well as the Blood Aspect in a different way) represents leadership abilities, specifically being able to drive people to a goal! Tavros definitely has this ability (and a lot of it) as he gathers the BILLIONS of ghosts for his army through friendship alone! Now, Void. Now, we know VERY little about Void. This is no surprise because an entire part of Void is the obscuring of information, but in addition to this, the first and ONLY Void player to delve into the concepts of Void or what it represents is Roxy! Equius and Horuss never gave much thought as to their Aspects deeper symbolic meanings. The only other players who have never been shown to give any real thought into what their Aspects mean include John, Mituna, Tavros, and Jake. The Heirs and Pages. Although we don’t know much about Mituna, John never really thought much about what breath represents or anything like that, he just followed his quest and became a badass hero! Tavros and Jake's Aspects are very important to their quests, so they do talk about their Aspects, but never to a degree more in depth then “Hope is when you believe in something” and “Gosh I wish I could get around without my wheelchair.” Although they care about their Aspects, they only really cared about the literal stuff about it, Like believing and flying. They didn't grow by thinking deeply about their Aspect and what it means to them, they grew by USING IT (Hey, that’s why I used the word Utilization) to kick ass. Although their personal growth had to do with their Aspects, they never gave it more thought then, “I have a rad life now instead of feeling sorry for myself” and “Look at my badass army (Suck it Vriska)”

THIS IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF HOW SEERS AND MAGES ARE.

To quote myself from earlier in this post, “Their powers are knowledge based, and they dont really get sick flashy powers like everyone else does! Rose never cared about being lucky, but cared instead about Lights themes like Clarity and Fortune(fortune as in good stuff, not luck)! “ 

Additionally, we can see the inversions in cannon!! John inverts to one who knows bonds when he acts as the lead authority of Friendship to Karkat! Rose inverts to one who embodies the Void when she goes Grimdark! Sollux inverts to one who utilizes Life when he uses his many dreamselves to keep himself active, as well as his half ghost! Horuss even inverts to one who gains a lot of Knowledge before his entering, being a well educated “Renaissance Troll”.

Although this post is made to give my reasons for why I think my theory is correct, not fight off other possibilities, I feel it is important to say this. Thematically, Rose and Jade inverting to each others classes makes a lot of sense. But with how the Classes actually work, it doesn't as much. It’s an entirely valid theory, and I dont think points towards it are necessarily wrong. I will be going into what exactly I think of Witch's in my next post, which will probably take longer to write then my other two combined.

Mage inverts with Page

Seer inverts with Heir

Again, feel free to message me about any of this!! I’m always down to discuss!!

[love-takes-work]

The Answer Outline & Review

Here are some rambly thoughts on the lovely children's book The Answer, which I reviewed on Goodreads and Amazon the day it came out.

I preordered the book on Amazon as soon as it was announced, but it did not spontaneously appear in my home at midnight so I also bought the eBook because I am weak. (Whatever, they deserve my money.)

I’m one of those embarrassingly huge fans of this show so it was kind of a given that I was going to love this book. But let me tell y'all why it’s good and why it’s important.

This is Ruby and Sapphire’s story of love and freedom. I think we all know that a children’s storybook that’s about a “she” falling in love with a “she” is bound to get some raised eyebrows in a world that thinks relationships like theirs can never be innocent, but I would prefer not to focus on that much at all.

I just want to say that it’s so vital that children see these relationships in the same context that they see cross-sex relationships--and it’s not JUST so kids who have same-sex crushes and attractions can see themselves and know they can get fairy tale endings too. It’s also for the rest of you--and if those of you who aren’t queer can imagine growing up with no books about people like you, you might start to get the idea.

But you might not be able to really understand, because you probably CAN’T imagine how devastating it is--when there don’t seem to be nice words that describe you, or when futures for people like you don’t seem to exist, or when you want to know where you are in the literature people get upset, or when people talk to you like it either doesn’t matter that you’re invisible or that you’re disgusting for wanting that.

We want to be in stories because stories are how humanity talks to itself.

If we aren’t in them, we also learn very young that we don’t truly get to participate in human life.

So I want to say thank you to everyone who made it possible for something like this to exist. I’m so happy, but also relieved--and a little exasperated that something this sweet and pure took this long to get here because some people look at it and don’t see it for what it it is.

So what is it?

Yes, this story features the beginning of the love between Ruby and Sapphire, though it still doesn’t really delve into that. We see very little of their time together.

We see them both being sort of in awe of each other--Ruby being amazed that Sapphire would want to be around someone like her when she’s an aristocrat and has amazing powers to see beyond time, and Sapphire being amazed that Ruby’s courage upended what she thought was inevitable--and we get a peek at the way they look at each other.

What we do see more of is their decision to become a Fusion together--the ability the Gem characters have to meld into each other and become another person who represents their relationship. (But also the new Gem will have her own thoughts and feelings, her own new appearance, and her own attitude built from what her component Gems inspire in each other.)

In Sapphire and Ruby’s story, I think the Fusion relationship is a unique one--not just because she was the first of her kind in her society, but because the relationship between Ruby and Sapphire is now forever changed by how they feel about becoming another entity together. They will eventually fully love each other, but that love will always be influenced by what they’ve experienced as a Fusion.

And everything about their relationship is about possibility, opportunity, novelty, freshness, and power. Rubies in Gem society are supposed to be simple soldiers who do what they’re told and fight with their comrades. Sapphires in Gem society are supposed to be wise seers who don’t let their emotions affect what happens next.

When Ruby made a choice that Rubies aren’t supposed to make, Sapphire helplessly watched a future develop that wasn’t in the plan. And both of them found what they’d rather be instead.

I really appreciate that there was such a strong “supposed to” that the characters challenged without quite meaning to, and that leaving what they were accustomed to did cause them some distress. They had to find something new to be now that Ruby couldn’t do what Rubies do and Sapphire couldn’t do what Sapphires do.

They realized there are multiple “supposed to’s” for Gems like them, and fusing together into someone who had no “supposed to’s” (because she wasn’t supposed to exist) must have made it so much more joyous to explore what lay ahead.

The art is pretty special--lots of unsettling images (though nothing too scary), lots of beautiful images, and a different style from the cartoon–it’s simplified and stylized, but it still gets plenty of emotion onto those little faces. The backgrounds are lovely as they generally are in the show, and the characters commenting on the text in a meta fashion and talking to each other from little alcoves (Sapphire above, Ruby below) was really powerful.

There’s narration, but there’s also Sapphire and Ruby saying how they felt about what was happening, and expressing opinions about each other’s statements and caring about each other’s distress. Eventually, they go into each other’s chambers, comment on how they feel, and share their perspectives. It seems simple but it’s quite a nuanced metaphor and I think a lot of children will understand it despite the complexity.

Speaking of complexity, there are some concepts here that I think render this book most appropriate for people who have context from watching the TV show. The fusion concept isn’t presented all that accessibly to new fans, and if you haven’t seen the show before you don’t know that when Gems’ physical form is destroyed, they reform later (if their Gem isn’t smashed).

You don’t get introduced to Pearl even though she’s there, and you have no context for the illustration of Blue Diamond (and her Pearl), and even though Garnet is mentioned in the online description of the book, she’s not called by name in the story itself (just like in the episode).

It’s also a little unclear in the book (but not the cartoon) why the other Gems were furious at them for fusing, but I guess the story had to be kept simple. There’s also some complex language in the book--vocabulary words children in the target group probably won’t see in school for a few more years--but the presentation makes me think they will have context to pick it up. I remember doing that a lot as a kid with children’s books that slipped in an advanced word here and there.

I was hoping for a couple things I didn’t get, but I don’t blame books for not fulfilling expectations they didn’t promise to fulfill. I was really hoping to hear a little more about the moment of Sapphire and Ruby’s first fusion, because in the show fusion is supposed to be about being on the same wavelength, and it seemed almost incongruous that they could have fused at that moment amidst all that confusion. If they did, they must have temporarily wanted the same thing.

I know what Ruby wanted--to save Sapphire--but I would have loved to see a glimpse of Sapphire wanting to be saved rather than just being sort of blindsided by the rescue. I would have been really interested to see more of that moment of escape into their unheard-of spontaneous relationship--the action that changed who they were figuratively and literally (not to mention saving the planet).

The overall package is really precious and looks the way it should--like an age-appropriate, fairy-tale-esque storybook that doesn’t have anything strange or inappropriate at all. I can’t even imagine reading this to a child and having them stop me to ask “wait, ARE THEY TWO GIRLS??” because it’s just so smooth and well told, and the characters’ casually presented embraces and nonchalant closeness uses the same cues we’d expect to see on a Disney princess dancing with her prince. It’s just Not. An. Issue. Not in the book. Outside of the book, I imagine it will be. I hope the hubbub it creates is primarily positive.

And now, of course, it’s made even more clear in this book that Garnet doesn’t ask questions in the show because Rose told her not to and she took it quite literally. (She seems to get around asking questions with tricky wording, though, like instead of “What did you see?” she’ll say “Tell me what you saw.”) If you already ARE the answer, what questions could you need to ask?

And I’ve got to say Rebecca Sugar dedicating the book to Ian Jones-Quartey is really sweet.

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

[magnetar1]

Presence of the Dead

Entering Baltiasa.  Town of my birth - Vestiges of a former life.  A soul darkly seasoned in this place for all time . . . I did not wish to return, but felt there was little choice.  These last couple years the old violence I felt as a younger man was returning & the only legal way I knew to neutralize  it was by drinking more & writing less - From a fairly young age I knew I wanted to be a writer & had modest success, but now felt the urge leaving me.  All I did was drink & pretend.  Waking up too early, staring into the fog in my mind, counting down the hours before I could start drinking again.  Getting on the bus,  going to a job I hated, fantasies of snapping the necks of those who sat around me.   My tyrannical mind leading me here, to the source of the violence that has stayed benign for most these years.  While many kinds of violence or forms of rebellion might be regarded as youthful nihilism. Seek & destroy, burn the school, rob a gas station.  Horrible acts by society’s standards, but generally no one gets hurt.   Unless, of course, things go terribly wrong.  In my case, an understatement. - - - Walking up to my old house with tears in my eyes.  Practically a hovel when I left.  Now little more than a pile of sticks, collapsed in front with some of the structure still standing in the rear.  Windowless frames boarded up, graffiti scrawl over weathered plywood, symbols that are a mish-mash of other known symbols: swastikas looping out into flaming spirals until becoming scrawled names of made-up heathen gods.   My old house was near the high school.  Besides this, a cemetery. Alongside the main road leading to the edges of town.  On one side a slough winding its way behind it, toward the ocean.  Sludge of mud, bullheads & discarded animal corpses; human too, I imagined. On the other side there is a place called Indian Legends.  Miles & miles of unkempt wilderness right in the backyard.  Shot through with a  transit of trails snaking their way to the ocean.  Or ending abruptly in a tangle of dense forest.  My two best friends & I spent entire summers exploring & getting lost.  Up all night drinking the cheap, shitty rum that David liked to drink.  While Bryan & I got stoned, tripped & look at stars.  David was fourteen, a couple years younger than us, & already preferred alcohol to psychedelics . . . Suddenly, a shape lurking in the corner of my sight.  A cold feeling I recall from living here.  Best not recall too much, though, as I’d need to conserve my strength.  Taking a flask out of my shirt pocket to ward the spirit away.  I still remembered some of them by name even after all these years.   Making my way to the shed out back.  A trail winding through a dense thicket which in those days seemed like primordial lands.  Toward a canopy of trees that eventually connected to a secret entrance leading to Indian Legends - On night journeys, with burning torches, in search of spectral portals to demonic realms.  Things I now ascribed to a steady diet of D & D, heavy metal & horror films. - - - Sitting on a cracked stool stunned by how intact our temple seemed. Other than a few more weeds growing through cracks in the floor it was as we’d left it.  No longer the upturned cable-wheel we used as a table.  Nor the homemade bookshelf sagging with stacks of comics & porn: a secret compartment built in back where we could stash joints & hits of acid . . . I thought of all the acid I took in those years & now it makes me shudder.  Getting ripped apart without even leaving my room. Listening to record after record on my headphones in total darkness. Opening my eyes to strange shapes in the corners.  A palpable resiliency that never left.  In the house.  Town.  Inter-dimensional.  I want to forget it all over again.  My muscles tightening just thinking about . . . I get back up to pace in the tall grass outside.  I drain my flask. Walking back to the car a friend let me borrow - To fix my head, I’d told him.  He had it in his mind that I was going to a retreat or something so wanted to help. I was beyond that, I thought, refilling the flask with a fifth from behind the driver’s seat.  I tugged from the bottle itself & pocketed the three hits of acid I’d brought. - - -       No one pays me any mind as I continue to pace outside.  I think about breaking into the house, but did not have the courage.  The house, itself, situated on the edge of a precipice that I did not quite understand.  Leaving a trace after it crumbles.  Sealing its flagrant energy back into the soil which erected it.  All terrible things that have happened inside. With a history of violence before we got there.  My father got it for cheap much like in a classic horror film scenario.  The entire town was starting to degrade rapidly at that time due to the waning logging industry.  A rather large house could be rented for practically nothing. Less, even, for a house like this.  Even though they were all rimmed by a kind of destitution.  Still, citizens of Baltiasa would not mourn the death of their town.  A shift so gradual they never acknowledged it, or were too dumb to care. I didn’t care either.  I wanted to make my peace & get out.  Suddenly, the grinding mechanism called the city didn’t seem so bad.  Only it was existence itself, bane of life, that had forced me to accept this as some kind of metaphoric suicide mission. Unable to say what I needed to say & trapped between worlds.  All secrets buried deep making me sick.  Many resided in this house. Haunted traits & a disdain for familial settings - Waiting for my father to leave for work every morning.  After which, hearing footsteps approaching my bedroom door followed by a thing’s ragged breathing. I never turn around to see what is there.  I don’t turn around now.  I try to keep my mind on what it is I came here for.  Still, I remain aware of their correspondence.  Voices I heard in the basement telling me to kill them all.  To cut off their heads in their sleep.  To cancel their dreams with bloody screams: I am the last thing they see.  Blind Incubus . . . For a moment I feel the same demonic power I felt then & I am nearly repelled back into a sane state.  Tears once again mounting in my eyes.  I feel the weight of car keys in my pocket & am crushed by an urge for escaping.  Instead, I pace harder & wait for the sun to go down.  Dusk evaporates into night as the wind picks up & tosses the trees around. It never occurred to me that it could rain this night.  While the town itself hunkered in a low slung valley.  Hills sprouting far & upward before sinking down.  Creeks wind their way across beds of silt & stone, leading to the slough or out into the harbor. I’d cut across these many hills toward the Pacific.  Tidal waves of soil rippling ahead to where it meets the ocean.  It’s where ghosts of my past will meet.  An undisclosed location fixed above a long stretch of beach.  A cave burrowing through a quarter mile of sheer rock. Station for our secret ceremonies: Fortress of Leviathan. - - - Bryan & I discovered the cave together.  Rumored as a spot for ritual sacrifice.  Shamans in the old world went there to enter darkness & come out reborn: To sacrifice their own meandering spirits toward more evidence regarding the afterlife.  Since, they say, it was a hive for local satanists.  Mostly living in Cascadian foothills above the town line in burrows worse than mine.   These were the poorest neighborhoods.  A grey zone of  meth-heads & veterans living off meagre pensions.  Single moms who’d given up hope.  Detritus of a third world nation beginning to show.  Hid in overgrown places, nestled deep as worms.   David came from this place.  And although Bryan & I came from poor families, he was a different breed.  Some kids at school referred to him as ‘the vampire’ at the beginning of his freshmen year because of his pale skin & frail demeanor.  Always in black wearing headphones. He rarely talked to anyone but himself.  Bryan & I became friends with him because we listened to a lot of the same bands.  Smoking pot in the cemetery.  David passing a cheap bottle of Rum around.  Ditching school to wander the hills: the triad . . . Now, as I look down at those three tiny hits of acid in my palm, I think of David.  It hits me hard & heavy.  Nearly hurling the doses to the ground & getting out of there.  Instinct becomes focus as my brutal emotions abate.  Having trust in the moment. I swallow them down, unthinking.  A grand meditation reduced to an afterthought. Realizing I’ve never been afraid to die & the flashes of fear I suffered are spectral.  I was so young.  Scarcely do I remember exactly what it is I saw.  Writing it down from various angles.  Snapshots of Hell. Waking up in the middle of the night with total entropy on the mind. To see it all burn for a chance at freedom.   Meanwhile, returning to the wellspring of my nightmares for another look. - - - The acid kicking in.  I stood with residual trepidation: At the foot of The Portal . . . Everything Bryan & I did was epic.  The real world faded as we delved deeper into more truant manifestations - Beyond the shroud of the town.  Our sensitivity toward what was considered the ‘normal’ world greatly dimmed.   Holding my breath in my room every morning so I could summon the thing I was too frightened to face.  Force of violence assumed in the form of its wraith-like stare.  A messenger, perhaps.  Or guide.  A combination of the energy surrounding the place co-mingling with the synaptic edge that we were experiencing from the drug. One might argue it all away with this very excuse, but I awaken cold in the night to this day with the feeling that it’s never left - Bryan & I. Unafraid to die.  Sorcerers.  Spending morning hours after we’d endured the long night talking about how reality was changing for us. No longer devotees of spatial reasoning or fenced logic. Everywhere we looked there were signs of the other world.  It is this feeling that has never left.  Even as it’s the first time I’ve dropped in all these years.  I’ve been unable to undo the retooling my consciousness received when Bryan & I were taking it every day & getting lost in the ghost-like radiance of it all. Procession of past lives into shadowed lands.  I hear the dirge as I followed.  Much sadness in the final days of my youth: a violent crossroads where I might have become a different person.  A shrink, perhaps.  Businessman.  Or serial killer.   All the ugly things I might have become.  I keep them at bay by starting to write.  All the demons & the ghosts.  Everything gets in. Every relationship I’ve been in & each alcoholic nightmare.  Family that’s abandoned me & so I’ve abandoned them.  Still murdering them in their sleep after all these years - Weakened side.  A sick return to my base person . . . Standing at the foot of the Portal about to go in.  Wind howling around me like it did the night Bryan & I led David to the Fortress. Lifting my gaze to gathering clouds overhead & the dense haze of the night sky’s hammering thoughts.  Rain comes hard at first before settling into a whispering drizzle.  At tail-end of the procession they are taunting me. All the town’s dead shadows co-mingling with ancient spirits that lived here.  Standing in the rain above a pale, flickering light.  Irreal fog packs densely across its shimmering back. Rise of the Wyrm.  When warm rain comes.  All spirit clings to her.  All moving along Leviathan’s course . . . - - - The howling winds made me think of my last few months here.  I was nineteen & gaining on becoming a full fledged burnout.  I rarely saw Bryan anymore until, finally, he held up a gun-shop with one of the shop’s own guns.  Shooting it out from behind the counter with a couple of rednecks who’d walked in during the middle of it.  Soon cops busted in to finish it: one clean shot to the head.   Suddenly, I wish Bryan was here.  He always knew how to talk me through.  It made me feel bad, though, that I’d thought of him as evil in the end.  Now, feeling evil myself, with hatred becoming clear & concise.  I fought back the urge to turn it loose on Baltiasa itself.  A point in space where time is stalled by lethargy . . . That’s how it happened.  All the energies swirling up in that place at once, getting inside the collective mind - Wind howling around me. Nature’s screams co-mingling with the guttural cries of the dead.  In place of shadows I saw faces. Now I could see beyond the hills, across galaxies, & I no longer felt human.  Somehow, the grid of all existence was grasped.  Turbulence of spirits at the moment of rebirth.  I look into the heart of the town from above.  It struggled just as I had struggled.  It could not get past the point of remission - Disease without consent.  Breeding ground for old serpents dropping seed in veiled & foetid gardens.  Blind, slithering masters of forlorn kingdoms. - - - I follow Leviathan to her grave.  The ocean.  Alive with her strength & law.  They couldn’t make her abate even as the world went on. Civilizations thriving & fading where time could still pick them up & tear them asunder.   The shore slips off the edge of the world & into her widening maw.   That’s what I feel like entering the cave of my youth.  Momentarily, I feel the sublimity I used to feel when Bryan & I came here.  Quickly, it withers away . . . So why had I come?  To face an evil that was as much a part of me as I was of it?  Or to sever my spirit from a violence that might take over at any time?   I embrace the feeling before I’m able to move on.  To see past it: shapes flickering to life. Crawling on hands & knees careful not to stumble.  The cave’s not as big as I remember, but just as long - The moon does not penetrate so deep.  Instead, a ghost-light is seen, hiding forms in its murky translucence.   Electrical glow from that charged night.  At the peak of our elemental powers . . . I hold back retching as I watch the image of Bryan take out his sacrificial knife.  Glinting off cave walls to reveal all the symbols that have been scrawled there.  Some that are similar to those on the side of the old house - Gateway, connecting ALL private underworlds, horrors that have followed me for years.  A sanguine propensity for death over life.  My inability to re-imagine it any other way.   - - - I’ve lived through it every day, shadowy but prospective.  Return trip: on the first day I forget the world I left behind.  Burning around a dark seed we left.  Everything else scorched in its wake.   Stumbling through ashes toward the goal.  David, on his knees, in a halo of smoky light . . . I swear that Bryan is burning from the inside out.  He often talked about feeling like he was on fire while tripping.  I could feel it, too, but on a current adjacent from his own. Poles meeting where David lied unconscious.  His face streaked with vomit & blood.  He drank too much & lost his balance stumbling along. Bryan is freaking out.  He says there are spirits inside the cave that are trying to possess us.  He explains the spirits are even older than those of the shamans who came here for night journeys &, when necessary, sacrifice. To the spirits themselves, both caustic & liberating.  The only way to save ourselves was by absorbing one who is weaker; liberating his weakness with our strength. Bryan’s eyes as big as saucers as he waits for the child to go limp.  Mad, inhuman,  nature’s frenzied look. Later claiming to have had an obscure vision: raging ocean below a pregnant moon.  Bilious forms in the undercurrent.  Nauseating & serpentine mass.  Tumorous . . . Afterwards, I never did experience those same evasive manifestations in my room & considered it a powerful sacrifice.  However, taking harder drugs, drinking more.  I spent the months following the 'disappearance' of David in a brilliant stupor.  And yet I was content to see old demons replaced by new ones.   The entire town (outside this experience) dissolved & I was eventually able to consider some mode of suffering to call my own. Ghosts of my youth became the internal grief of my adulthood as I tried escaping it through artistic means: to distance myself from the eventuality of my own mortal breakdown.  A Sacrifice, to nothing, in the morning . . . - - - I look in Bryan’s eyes & understand that he’s done with this life.  In many respects, I am too.  Is that considered evil? Cutting David open with his sacrificial knife.  Bryan feeds me parts that are both revitalizing & repugnant . . . Across the divide.  I look back on my life from a vantage point of strangeness & grief.  Baltiasa & its aftermath; mythic, cannibalistic fortune. I’ve survived with these rites in my personal canon.  While the rest of the world sits & waits for instant communion - Vital force at center. Shaman’s gift.  Nature’s everlasting council.  Demons prey, but never attack.  Benign to the ever expanding universe. Harboring true reality’s conquest.  That we were never meant for this. False agendas of the weak.   Sacrifice becoming necessary when rot awakens.  While under the surface is a percolating dawn.  So easy to see, yet out of reach.  When we are are not the thing we aim to be. When purity of vision becomes a nightmare . . . Hunched, broken, grinding my teeth.  Welling tears in darkness, I impress all my will on growing past it.  How else will I go on with my life?  Keep murdering until the feeling goes away?  Drown myself in alcohol until the last drop takes me?   Pounding a fist against the cave floor until my hand is raw & bleeding.  I taste my own blood &, unsheathing the knife I brought along, consider going all the way.  Letting my guts spill across. Uncoiling.  Opacious.  A serpent awakens.  Possibly to let me pass without devouring my spirit, suffering no cognition of a world beyond its own.

[uclavapae]

Sara Simon | Teaching Artist of October 2017

Hometown: North Hollywood, CA

Major: B.A. Architectural Studies, M.Ed

Q: How did you discover your interest in the arts and how did you know that it was something that you wanted to pursue professionally, as an artist or as an artist teacher?

A: Like the majority of the VAPAE teaching artists,  I’ve been involved/interested/obsessed with art making ever since...forever. I have stacks of elementary-aged Sara drawings and vivid memories of putting on my special painting beret before I started my own “studio sessions.” It was very systematic and very involved. As I progressed through middle school and high school, however, I was discouraged by some from pursuing art much further. I needed to separate my “career goals” from my “hobbies,” I needed to think about my future, and I needed to pursue something more “realistic.”  Constantly hearing things like that, coupled with my own ideas of “not being good enough”  really made me doubt whether art was an avenue I could explore. It wasn’t until my senior year in high school that I started to revisit the visual arts more seriously. I enrolled in an art class and my teacher supported me tirelessly. She wrote me letters of recommendations, helped me to put together a portfolio for my college applications, but most importantly restored my self confidence. I couldn’t be more grateful to her. After being integrated into the UCLA community, the VAPAE program solidified the fact that I wanted to -- and actually COULD-- pursue the arts and art teaching professionally.  

Q: Describe what the young artists in your VAPAE afterschool arts program are working on and the process they’re using.

A: We’re exploring concepts of self, community, and utopia in our studio sessions. We’ve started on metaphorical self portraits using collage techniques, and more recently we’ve worked on mosaics and print making. In the upcoming weeks, we’ll be exploring costume design, model building, and sculpture.

Q: Why is an enrichment opportunity like this important for those participating? What do they gain?

A: A majority of the students who are in studio sessions this year are returning students from last year, which I think says a lot about the program. Students use this as an opportunity to make connections with their peers and express themselves both visually and verbally. We’re exploring a lot of ideas of community and self that aren’t introduced in the classroom. We’re using art to be introspective, to identify our place in our world, and to brainstorm ideas for a “utopian” future. I think this is a really valuable resource for young artists because, not only are they increasing and practicing their art skills, but they’re also delving deeper into themselves and exploring their own personal interests.  

Q: Did you have an opportunity like this when you were a younger artist? If yes, how did it help shape your love of art? If no, in what ways could a program like this have helped you?

A: I remember taking one cartooning class when I was younger, but it wasn’t anything like what we’re doing in the VAPAE program. We didn’t make art that we wanted to explore or that was related to us in any way. Here in studio sessions, we’re exploring different themes and overall have much more creative freedom. One of the biggest things I’ve noticed during studio sessions is that these young artists are so much more confident in their work than I was at the same age.  Being exposed to multi-media art classes, everyone is exploring, practicing their art skills and finding what works best for them. Two of the major ideas we like to emphasize in the classroom are that there is no “right” or “wrong” art, and that art doesn’t have to be “pretty,” which is something really valuable that I wasn’t taught as a young artist.

Q: What has this experience as a teaching artist or arts facilitator taught you about yourself?

A: This experience has taught me that I’m basically a college-graduated middle schooler.  We’ll talk about things like cartoons, Star Wars, and Pokemon cards in depth. I also get just as excited as our young artists about art making and the outcomes. We’re all exploring different ideas/techniques together and we never stop learning and growing.

Q: What do you personally gain as a teaching artist, arts facilitator?

A: I personally enjoy coming to class every week and seeing these young artists create things that are way out of my league. I’m also just really honored to be a part of these young artists lives and hope that I’m making a positive contribution to their learning.

Q: What are the benefits to you as a student/graduate in the UCLA VAPAE program? Was this program a good choice for you? If so, why?

A: Of course, absolutely, yes, for sure, definitely, 100%, the VAPAE program was a good choice for me. I am so grateful for this program and all the wonderful experiences that came from it. I worked in an elementary classroom developing and teaching my own art unit, traveled to Northern California and worked alongside art therapists and educators to implement a community program, fabricated a set designed entirely out of cardboard and duct tape for a professional show, and I’m currently working with middle schoolers to create some really amazing art pieces. I wouldn’t have had any of these experiences had it not been for the VAPAE program.     

Q: Are there any anecdotes from your VAPAE Studio Sessions (or Arts Education Teaching Sequence) that stand out to you? Perhaps you had a breakthrough with a student or saw some particularly noticeable growth in that student through this program, collaboration etc. Maybe something surprised you or made you think about art or teaching in a new way.

A: I have this general fear that students won’t be super into the lessons we come up with, especially middle and high school students. I just kind of assume that they’re “too cool” for whatever I have to offer, so I’m always trying to gauge where everyone is. My very first day of studio sessions, before class even started, I heard a knock on our closed classroom door. I opened it with a plan to let students know we’d get started in just a few minutes. I opened the door and before I could say anything an eager artist asked, “is this art class? I just want to make sure I’m in the right place. It’s my first year here at this school and I really want to be in this class because I feel like I’m an art person.” My heart was just so happy. Any and all fears I had about disinterested students faded away.  I just wanted to make sure that I make this experience super memorable and worthwhile for this student (who, by the way, is definitely an art person.)

Q: What are your short-term and long‐term career goals?

A: Right now I’m working on completing my graduate program, which will hopefully set me up to become a professional educator. My long term career goals are always changing but always art related. I’ve thought about/ explored set design, fabrication, art therapy, informal and formal arts education, etc. I’m constantly finding out about art-related positions that I never knew existed, which always gives me new possibilities to explore!